#What a pathetic little existence.
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That really is hilarious. Sherlock goes around insisting he's above other humans and doesn't feel emotion blah blah blah. And then he goes and pulls the most human shit of all. Completely denying and refusing to accept all the things he cannot understand. 🤭
#Tua rp#Tua rp blog#Most scientists would be thrilled to discover that time travel is possible.#They'd WANT to understand it.#But not him. 💔#His 'amazing' brain cannot even begin to comprehend these things so therefore they must not be true.#Fucking idiot. 🤭#Can't accept that others may know more than him.#What a pathetic little existence.#Five Bullies Sherlock
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[ * engine search how to cope with missing fictional characters ]
#Random Ramblings#What even is this#Nonsense. Utter nonsense.#You’re telling me I miss universes and shit that doesn’t exist???#Like it makes my heart physically give a pathetic little pang????#Why#What again even is this. Brain and heart sync up and figure out wtf is going on here por favor
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Girl I'm so embarrassed on Scott's behalf oh my GODDDDD girl shut UPPPPP JIMMY DOESNT LOVE YOU BACK HE'S SO OVER YOU HE REALISED WHAT YOU HAD WAS TOXIC STOP CLINGING TO HIM FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO CONTROL SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS.
#Him still clinging to jims tbh is another proof of how little respect he has for him#Even with them broken up he thinks he has jims around his little finger#Can't let Jimmy exist on his own without making it seem like his existence is intrinsically tied to him#God. I'm going insane. Sorry#He genuinely doesn't respect jims enough to believe he cld EVER be over scott#He genuinely thinks jims wld run back to him as soon as given an opportunity#Not realising that he's the one being.... A bit pathetic...... Clinging to what they once had...
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My one pet peeve with way people do worldbuilding for rainworld is everything is always 'eh its a purposed organism thing' for anything like slightly cool and out there. You dont get just how WEIRD evolution can get. Imagine how weird it could get with evolution backed by a bunch of guys also throwing things together generations ago. There are ants that explode on command as a defense mechanism and lizards that can fire slime blasts from their tails in REAL LIFE, is "they made this bug electric on purpose" the best you can do. No they did something fucked up to a bug a billion years ago and now its extra fucked up
#purposed organism stuff works best for extreme alt variations on existing organisms like spearmaster is#but most purposed organisms from the past have probably evolved so significantly the purposed part is relatively minor#like slugcat are implied to be the ancestor of some pathetic little pipe cleaning slug#so assuming natural evolution theyve gained limb use#social behaviors and fairly high intellect#thats a big evolutionary gap#what does remain is all the fucked up mecha beasts which appears to at least be implied to be like#organic metal. if that makes sense
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i did a thing
#crocheting#it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap#i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am#my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware#the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress#i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic#so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes#please cherish it#i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me#they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me#that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly#actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step#but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has#i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic#like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two#how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling#no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have#but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it#if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces#and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person#originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer#and now its turned to mush#no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself#nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless#maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events#(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)
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Howl’s moving castle AU with Dantès as Howl, Salieri as Sophia and Jalter Lily as Markl—
#I typed this as I sit in middle of court hearing about a robbery#one hand typing court proceedings protocol other typing this#salieri is a timid person who tutors music and isn’t really that sociable#Mozart be trying to drag him out for parties and gatherings#listen the mental image of Salieri’s black hair going gray white#Dantès is a powerful mage and has several personas he starts to lose himself to a curse#little living flame is real him and his pure heart as a last citadel against his certain death#jalter lily being true mvp by looking after Dantès’ pathetic ass that has no self preservation skills#jalter lily is also cursed and Dantes took pity on a child whose existence is a curse#salieri leaves his old life thinking he’s not that good musician to begin with and after he became old his hand shake so badly#he can’t play piano#so what’s the point really#I think I reached revelation and ascended in my knowledge#three of them going through this all by sheer force of revenge#salieri fell first but dantes fell harder#jalter lily just watching this mess and be like ‘seriously right on front of my sundae’
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Live laugh love brother-ing someone who’s already adorable enough to make you melt/p
Also I swear if anyone is in need of a big brother or a little brother to tease them or be teased I can fill both roles I’m a very versatile play thing !!
#【existence… what a cruel fate.】#【you’re just as pathetic as me… aren’t you?】#||#transharmful interact#transharmed interact#transharmed4transharmful#radq interact#radq safe#pro radq#radqueer#rq interact#pro rq 🌈🍓#rq please interact#rq community#rqc🌈🍓#rq 🌈🍓#rq safe#|||#I will gladly be a little or big brother to you#I am an extremely versatile play thing i’m not kidding#!!!!
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hmm i like actually wanna kms
#big oof 🥴#if i try to talk im dramatic and emotional and only met with judgement ....#if i try to push it all down and pretend everythings fine i feel like im slowly dying#if i try to ask for help ppl only slap my hand away and dismiss me#if i complain im a negative pos who everyone hates#if i stfu and dont talk i feel miserable and like i have this big lump in my throat and i cant breathe#im never right or ok or valid or anything. im always wrong.....#im sad and lonely bc all i want is for someone to really truly love me and hold me#but truth is nobody cares that much if i would actually kms#but then im pathetic and whiny for crying in pain since i feel so alone and worthless#like honestlyyyy u can never win in life and esp if you're mentally ill and disordered and traumatized#and also just extremely sensitive even if u could choose u would choose to feel nothing#but ppl always complain no matter what i do :// im always doing smth wrong smth bad#like i didnt ask for everything that happened to me to happend and i didnt ask for it to shape me#and i dont want this or be like this bc my life is nothing but a miserable worthless waste of space#but im trying but im all alone in a dark hole like 12ft underground#and people who might see me wont do anything to help or just walk on their merry way#they will take a shovel and shovel even more dirt on top of me and make it even harder for me to crawl out of this hole#and like idek what im talking abt but this world is insane and people are fucking insane#and all everyone has is judgement and cruelness and calousness and like#ppl are just mean and they get personally attacked and angry if you dont live according to their standards and views and idk#ppl are insane and i feel so alone and im lying here knowing that my life is absolutely nothing#and im tired and i just wanna not exist. but really all i want is for someone to look me in the eyes and tell me i matter bc ive never#wanted to be saved. i've only ever wanted to be seen and known and like idfk.... i just dont#feel good but as always... i have to lie here alone and try not to kms bc i dont have anyone to ask to just talk to me for a little moment#like i cant even imagine... asking someone like hey i wanna kms pls talk to me for a moment#and have them reply immediately and idk i wouldnt even need long just like 10 minutes.#sigh idek what im rambling on abt im just so sick and tired and exhausted and i dont wanna die not really#but im so exhausted bc i have to carry this pain every day and people are so fucking awful but i dont wanna be alone and i just dont know
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i cant believe i interacted w all those people while they knew. and i didnt. like my existence must have been so comical and embarrassing to look at.. sorry for my drunk vent posts will happen again. me and the mutuals (neighbors) listening to music so hard from my speakers rn
#I EVEN TALKED. TALKED TO.........#just obliviously saying this and that and existing in front of them.#i wish i could erase the memories of my existence from their minds. BUT I CANTTTT ITS SO..#truly one of the most pathetic and embarrassing moments of my life#you guys have no idea what im talking about but basically#i am the most idiotic person in the whole world. everyone laughed. the end#even i laughed just a little bit#cmon.. guy who was always super careful and took precautions so that this wouldnt happen. and then it happened in the worst way possible#I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I DONT KNOW HOW I DIDNT KNOW...#well its because im stupid innit#there were so many obvious hints too and i just didnt think at all
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for all his misery and mopey nature i do think he likes and prefers being roadhog and wouldnt go back for anything. i think "feeling like mako" means feeling small and ashamed and weak in his mind and he hates it.
#i think one of the biggest reasons he gets genuinely mad at fish is when they do something#they look at him in that way or they say something or they just. be pathetic and sick. in a way that makes that little guilt and shame gnaw#at his heart again. that shitty feeling when you know you hurt somebody you care about. or when they look at him like theyre disgusted or#disappointed by what they see. i think it pisses him off to no end that they can make him feel so small and i think its one of the things#that makes him genuinely think that maybe he should just kill them and be done with it. its not like itd be hard#🐟#like. part of them learning how to exist around each other long term is that he has to break that thought pattern yk#seeing them be all sickly and instead of pity->guilt->shame->anger it shifts to pity->guilt->'do something about it'#where instead of getting on the whole 'i ruined the life of the only person who ever gave a fuck about me' train he just. tries to be nice#or as nice as he can manage. comforting and affectionate in his very clumsy and uncomfortable way. still not pretending to be a good person#and barely concealing that doing this makes him feel awful. but still like. just doing it anyways and eventually he just does it without#thinking about it. well most of the time i think he still gets stuck fairly often. its a process yk how it is#ftr i think fish resents this. they hate his pity they resent the idea that any of this is His Fault. fish voice i can fuck up on my own#and they especially resent when he is obviously going out of his way to be gentle with them or sweet to them. first of all because they hat#when he treats them like theyre fragile it makes them want to kill him but more importantly because they would really just prefer he be an#awful bastard forever so they can stay mad at him forever. its hard to keep a grudge when he feels bad about it and its hard to be so mad#when hes the only thing that really makes them feel better.
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i dont wanna count the weeks i just feel sad
#i hate crying and the only thing worse than crying is crying in public so no crying#we are not fucking crying get a fucking hold of yourself bitch#anywya its been like just over a month#what an awful fucking existence#had to talk to my therapist last week abt the fact that everything is just kinda horrible rn#nothing is good eerything even things i like and make me happy are just a little bit awful#bc i feel awful#i dont wanna eat i dont wanna go places i force myself to exist when id rather just curl into a ball and fade into nothing#quit fucking crying bitvch this is pathetic get a fcuking hold of yourself your moms dead get over yourself theres no time to be sad rn#got shit to do and a fuck ton to worry abt put the emotions in a little fucking box go get a pastry or smth jfc#maybe ill do some work#if my hands would stop shaking thatd be nice i probably need to eat but i rlly just dont want to hm#id go home but i prolly shouldnt drive when im in this sorta mood :/#the mood swings are sooooo fucking bad btw lmao#vent#idk how to tw tag this ugh#this isnt even abt anything im just talking rn
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don't mind me just salting over cartoons
trying to get through another li.la-centric episode like "why, oh why, do they keep writing Al.ya out of character and dumbing down the entire class just so li.la can get her way again?" you expect me to believe that someone like al.ya ce.saire is more willing to take li.la's side than mari.nette's? mari.nette dup.ain-ch.eng whom she's known for far longer than li.la??? what reason does she have to believe what li.la says over mari.nette? i refuse to believe her behavior in lila-centric episodes are consistent with her previously established character. it just isn't. and for al.ya and ni.no to just brush off what their friends have to say because they're in love??? make it make sense!!!
#delete later#oh ml you have so many good parts to you#but also really bad parts#what is consistent characterization#why does chloe have to be reduced from a potentially 3 dimensional and complex antagonist#to a 2d bratty girl#she should've gotten a redemption arc#but they were like#'no she has to be evil because we say so but we're not going to write her well at all'#and what was the purpose of having socqueline#she's barely even a character#don't even get me started on derision#derision does not exist to me#why would you do this to le chien kim#he did nothing to deserve this character assassination#and what on earth is going on with gabriel agreste#why is he such a pathetic little meow meow but not in a funny ha ha way#like a cringefail way#and felix#no he and kagami are not an item she does not deserve a boyfriend like that#no#she deserves true love and friendship#not whatever felix thinks he's bringing to the table#girl he is a RED FLAG#why did they not pair her up with luka#he would not treat her like this#i've seen some fanon stuff of feligami before season 5#idc about that#it's what's supposed to be CANON#that i have issue with
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i really need to draw khan and emmet hanging out bc they would be such buddies. ingo hates how quickly they bonded bc khan took one look at emmet, at how excited emmet is to battle, and seemed to Immediately like him (it only bc khan had already bonded w ingo, but like hell will he ever admit that. that proves he has emotions! he has to hide those.) khan & emmet battling each other. khan takes over for ingo sometimes on the multi trains except he and emmet get so into battles that they need a chaperone to keep them from getting too rowdy bc somehow (???) they've managed to destroy a couple of train cars??? khan challenges the subway himself (he battles using himself but also his pokemon. he'd rather battle using himself, but ingo and emmet get awfully concerned when he faints so he stops doing it so much). khan and emmet discuss battle tactics (khan insists "offense is the best defense" and "go balls to the walls immediately on attack" and emmet argues for better strategizing and well rounded move pools) and help each other train, offering suggestions and tips and "hey, let's try this maneuver" or "i think it would be better if you did this move first".
not that they don't enjoy an off day, but they definitely bonded well over battles.
#khan a.#just some thoughts#ingo is a little jealous over just how quick khan seemed to take to emmet but khan saw how ingo behaved around his brother and knew#he didn't have to worry. he based his reaction off ingo. not that he still liked emmet immediately (he didn't even immediately like akari-#he's been burned too many times to so quickly and willingly open his heart like that) but while it took him at least a year to go from#dubiously tolerating ingo for akari to hanging out with ingo with the excuse of 'having nothing better to do' and even longer to say#'yeah these are my people and i will protect them' (bc admitting he likes them?? that he loves that they love him?? that he would#keep them safe at the cost of his own life without hesitation? oh he'll admit he'll protect them but he would not say out loud#just how far he'd go to protect them.) it took him a few weeks to go from eyeballing emmet still suspiciously to going out of his way#to engage emmet in conversation and approach him. ofc he still approached emmet by way of 'i saw your battle. try me >:)' and challenging#him. but he wasn't threatening to kill him or anything. akari saw how khan watched ingo for his cues tho (bc she was doing the same thing.#that may have been her dad's brother but he was still just a stranger to her. she's been hurt by enough strangers.)#and she thinks its funny that ingo will grumble and complain about khan not threatening emmet like he'd threatened ingo in the beginning#(when khans not around ofc) but won't say it to his face. ingo is an Adult. he's Above Tthat. he's NOT jealous and upset that this#feral bastard has left him behind for a new treat (his OWN TWIN.) nevermind that khan will turn down emmet if ingo has a task for him#and that khan still drops in for dinner with them (drops everything if ingo invites him (through akari) for dinner).#ingo is still khan's preferred twin (unintentional human pack instinct & dog instinct bonding to ingo) but#he's glad that emmet exists as well. he's privately glad the twins exist and that ingo ended up in hisui and that nana yeeted him to arceus#bc what a sad & pathetic existence he'd have otherwise had. fighting w nana and getting his mind wiped. arguing w customers.#he'd have stagnated until he self destructed.#ANYWAY. i love my OC and the family he accidentally got himself inserted into.
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sorry for text spamming you. i only got 3 hours of sleep last night and was telling you about how much i wanted to kill myself but then I saw a silly little video of a cat getting scared by a toaster so i'm all good now
#this isn't even a joke it's literally what i did to my friend this morning#sorry krys#krys isn't on tumblr just in case one of u bitches also has her name#i do fucking hate my body and my brain and my pathetic existence though just so we're clear#sometimes you just need to watch a little cat video to forget about how much you hate it here though#to the irls i am not actually a kms risk this fine fucking morning i am just really angry
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Trying to be very normal and casual about going back to melbourne tomorrow but actually im going insane
#everything that felt like home is out of reach!!!#the little balcony with tomato plants looking over the city#the asian grocers and restaurants around the corner#the market and trams and parks and general city lifestyle#gone#the going out on a whim and being able to walk wherever we decided to go?#forgetaboutit#instead im staying in the middle of nowhere suburbs with my parents (mums fine but dad is 😬) with nothing to do but avoid peoples qs#maybe sit on the cold cold beach#in a city of 6 million im terrified im going to run into him on the street#id start crying#i dont even know what to say#hello i love you i wish i didnt i hope youre well i know were both not and its my fault i dont know how to stop loving you#i hope you grow and learn how to be happy the more you do the less the reason i left you exists bye now!!#people at work have been saying i hope you have fun and i say i will try my best#or they ask about plans and i say fielding dumb qs and opinions from my extended fam about breaking up with someone ive loved for a decade#i am being pathetic and bitter in the workplace and thats stupid!!
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wow so apparently 30 tags is the limit, that's cool, not rereading any of that shit, the void can have it and my run on sentences
#im running on about 3.5hrs of sleep rn#i went to bed at 6am because i couldn't stop crying ig#god thats so pathetic#i have like 2 people that care about me#like actually care about me#my siblings all still live at home and my entire family forgets i exist#more often than you'd think#i only have one irl friend aside from my boyfriend and she's got her own shit#i used to share a bed with her and now im lucky if we exchange one message per month#my best friend is just Some Guy from the uk and he's 6hrs ahead so it's probably inconvenient for him to talk to me#and yeah maybe it's just my brain fucking with me#but i don't feel like a person#i feel like some vaguely human shaped alien or something#trying to decide if i should drop out of uni#if i do my boyfriend will probably break up with me though#he wants someone who can build a life with him#im not sure i even have a future#at this rate he's probably gonna drag me to the er to have a nice little vacation#surrounded by nursing staff and other patients#im too fuckin old for this shit#ive seen what life has to offer me#i just want out yknow?#all i am and all i will ever be is a personality disorder#summed up by 3 words:#dramatic#emotional#erratic#does that sound like a life worth fighting for?? ive done so so so much dbt and it's all been for nothing#just a complete waste of my time#my mood stabilizers aren't helping anymore either
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