#Went to Alaska this weekend

[virtuosen]

A soft sound echoes in the air--was that the squeak of a meek little mouse, or perhaps a fair maven's sneeze? Sona wouldn't tell.

[ranger-kellyn]

i love when all my coworkers bicker about which tribe's frybread is the best, meanwhile my frybread-deprived ass is like iTS ALL SO FUCKING GOOD Y'ALL ARE CRAZY

[mostlysignssomeportents]

How I got scammed

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/05/cyber-dunning-kruger/#swiss-cheese-security

I wuz robbed.

More specifically, I was tricked by a phone-phisher pretending to be from my bank, and he convinced me to hand over my credit-card number, then did $8,000+ worth of fraud with it before I figured out what happened. And then he tried to do it again, a week later!

Here's what happened. Over the Christmas holiday, I traveled to New Orleans. The day we landed, I hit a Chase ATM in the French Quarter for some cash, but the machine declined the transaction. Later in the day, we passed a little credit-union's ATM and I used that one instead (I bank with a one-branch credit union and generally there's no fee to use another CU's ATM).

A couple days later, I got a call from my credit union. It was a weekend, during the holiday, and the guy who called was obviously working for my little CU's after-hours fraud contractor. I'd dealt with these folks before – they service a ton of little credit unions, and generally the call quality isn't great and the staff will often make mistakes like mispronouncing my credit union's name.

That's what happened here – the guy was on a terrible VOIP line and I had to ask him to readjust his mic before I could even understand him. He mispronounced my bank's name and then asked if I'd attempted to spend $1,000 at an Apple Store in NYC that day. No, I said, and groaned inwardly. What a pain in the ass. Obviously, I'd had my ATM card skimmed – either at the Chase ATM (maybe that was why the transaction failed), or at the other credit union's ATM (it had been a very cheap looking system).

I told the guy to block my card and we started going through the tedious business of running through recent transactions, verifying my identity, and so on. It dragged on and on. These were my last hours in New Orleans, and I'd left my family at home and gone out to see some of the pre-Mardi Gras krewe celebrations and get a muffalata, and I could tell that I was going to run out of time before I finished talking to this guy.

"Look," I said, "you've got all my details, you've frozen the card. I gotta go home and meet my family and head to the airport. I'll call you back on the after-hours number once I'm through security, all right?"

He was frustrated, but that was his problem. I hung up, got my sandwich, went to the airport, and we checked in. It was total chaos: an Alaska Air 737 Max had just lost its door-plug in mid-air and every Max in every airline's fleet had been grounded, so the check in was crammed with people trying to rebook. We got through to the gate and I sat down to call the CU's after-hours line. The person on the other end told me that she could only handle lost and stolen cards, not fraud, and given that I'd already frozen the card, I should just drop by the branch on Monday to get a new card.

We flew home, and later the next day, I logged into my account and made a list of all the fraudulent transactions and printed them out, and on Monday morning, I drove to the bank to deal with all the paperwork. The folks at the CU were even more pissed than I was. The fraud that run up to more than $8,000, and if Visa refused to take it out of the merchants where the card had been used, my little credit union would have to eat the loss.

I agreed and commiserated. I also pointed out that their outsource, after-hours fraud center bore some blame here: I'd canceled the card on Saturday but most of the fraud had taken place on Sunday. Something had gone wrong.

One cool thing about banking at a tiny credit-union is that you end up talking to people who have actual authority, responsibility and agency. It turned out the the woman who was processing my fraud paperwork was a VP, and she decided to look into it. A few minutes later she came back and told me that the fraud center had no record of having called me on Saturday.

"That was the fraudster," she said.

Oh, shit. I frantically rewound my conversation, trying to figure out if this could possibly be true. I hadn't given him anything apart from some very anodyne info, like what city I live in (which is in my Wikipedia entry), my date of birth (ditto), and the last four digits of my card.

Wait a sec.

He hadn't asked for the last four digits. He'd asked for the last seven digits. At the time, I'd found that very frustrating, but now – "The first nine digits are the same for every card you issue, right?" I asked the VP.

I'd given him my entire card number.

Goddammit.

The thing is, I know a lot about fraud. I'm writing an entire series of novels about this kind of scam:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

And most summers, I go to Defcon, and I always go to the "social engineering" competitions where an audience listens as a hacker in a soundproof booth cold-calls merchants (with the owner's permission) and tries to con whoever answers the phone into giving up important information.

But I'd been conned.

Now look, I knew I could be conned. I'd been conned before, 13 years ago, by a Twitter worm that successfully phished out of my password via DM:

https://locusmag.com/2010/05/cory-doctorow-persistence-pays-parasites/

That scam had required a miracle of timing. It started the day before, when I'd reset my phone to factory defaults and reinstalled all my apps. That same day, I'd published two big online features that a lot of people were talking about. The next morning, we were late getting out of the house, so by the time my wife and I dropped the kid at daycare and went to the coffee shop, it had a long line. Rather than wait in line with me, my wife sat down to read a newspaper, and so I pulled out my phone and found a Twitter DM from a friend asking "is this you?" with a URL.

Assuming this was something to do with those articles I'd published the day before, I clicked the link and got prompted for my Twitter login again. This had been happening all day because I'd done that mobile reinstall the day before and all my stored passwords had been wiped. I entered it but the page timed out. By that time, the coffees were ready. We sat and chatted for a bit, then went our own ways.

I was on my way to the office when I checked my phone again. I had a whole string of DMs from other friends. Each one read "is this you?" and had a URL.

Oh, shit, I'd been phished.

If I hadn't reinstalled my mobile OS the day before. If I hadn't published a pair of big articles the day before. If we hadn't been late getting out the door. If we had been a little more late getting out the door (so that I'd have seen the multiple DMs, which would have tipped me off).

There's a name for this in security circles: "Swiss-cheese security." Imagine multiple slices of Swiss cheese all stacked up, the holes in one slice blocked by the slice below it. All the slices move around and every now and again, a hole opens up that goes all the way through the stack. Zap!

The fraudster who tricked me out of my credit card number had Swiss cheese security on his side. Yes, he spoofed my bank's caller ID, but that wouldn't have been enough to fool me if I hadn't been on vacation, having just used a pair of dodgy ATMs, in a hurry and distracted. If the 737 Max disaster hadn't happened that day and I'd had more time at the gate, I'd have called my bank back. If my bank didn't use a slightly crappy outsource/out-of-hours fraud center that I'd already had sub-par experiences with. If, if, if.

The next Friday night, at 5:30PM, the fraudster called me back, pretending to be the bank's after-hours center. He told me my card had been compromised again. But: I hadn't removed my card from my wallet since I'd had it replaced. Also, it was half an hour after the bank closed for the long weekend, a very fraud-friendly time. And when I told him I'd call him back and asked for the after-hours fraud number, he got very threatening and warned me that because I'd now been notified about the fraud that any losses the bank suffered after I hung up the phone without completing the fraud protocol would be billed to me. I hung up on him. He called me back immediately. I hung up on him again and put my phone into do-not-disturb.

The following Tuesday, I called my bank and spoke to their head of risk-management. I went through everything I'd figured out about the fraudsters, and she told me that credit unions across America were being hit by this scam, by fraudsters who somehow knew CU customers' phone numbers and names, and which CU they banked at. This was key: my phone number is a reasonably well-kept secret. You can get it by spending money with Equifax or another nonconsensual doxing giant, but you can't just google it or get it at any of the free services. The fact that the fraudsters knew where I banked, knew my name, and had my phone number had really caused me to let down my guard.

The risk management person and I talked about how the credit union could mitigate this attack: for example, by better-training the after-hours card-loss staff to be on the alert for calls from people who had been contacted about supposed card fraud. We also went through the confusing phone-menu that had funneled me to the wrong department when I called in, and worked through alternate wording for the menu system that would be clearer (this is the best part about banking with a small CU – you can talk directly to the responsible person and have a productive discussion!). I even convinced her to buy a ticket to next summer's Defcon to attend the social engineering competitions.

There's a leak somewhere in the CU systems' supply chain. Maybe it's Zelle, or the small number of corresponding banks that CUs rely on for SWIFT transaction forwarding. Maybe it's even those after-hours fraud/card-loss centers. But all across the USA, CU customers are getting calls with spoofed caller IDs from fraudsters who know their registered phone numbers and where they bank.

I've been mulling this over for most of a month now, and one thing has really been eating at me: the way that AI is going to make this kind of problem much worse.

Not because AI is going to commit fraud, though.

One of the truest things I know about AI is: "we're nowhere near a place where bots can steal your job, we're certainly at the point where your boss can be suckered into firing you and replacing you with a bot that fails at doing your job":

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/15/passive-income-brainworms/#four-hour-work-week

I trusted this fraudster specifically because I knew that the outsource, out-of-hours contractors my bank uses have crummy headsets, don't know how to pronounce my bank's name, and have long-ass, tedious, and pointless standardized questionnaires they run through when taking fraud reports. All of this created cover for the fraudster, whose plausibility was enhanced by the rough edges in his pitch - they didn't raise red flags.

As this kind of fraud reporting and fraud contacting is increasingly outsourced to AI, bank customers will be conditioned to dealing with semi-automated systems that make stupid mistakes, force you to repeat yourself, ask you questions they should already know the answers to, and so on. In other words, AI will groom bank customers to be phishing victims.

This is a mistake the finance sector keeps making. 15 years ago, Ben Laurie excoriated the UK banks for their "Verified By Visa" system, which validated credit card transactions by taking users to a third party site and requiring them to re-enter parts of their password there:

https://web.archive.org/web/20090331094020/http://www.links.org/?p=591

This is exactly how a phishing attack works. As Laurie pointed out, this was the banks training their customers to be phished.

I came close to getting phished again today, as it happens. I got back from Berlin on Friday and my suitcase was damaged in transit. I've been dealing with the airline, which means I've really been dealing with their third-party, outsource luggage-damage service. They have a terrible website, their emails are incoherent, and they officiously demand the same information over and over again.

This morning, I got a scam email asking me for more information to complete my damaged luggage claim. It was a terrible email, from a noreply@ email address, and it was vague, officious, and dishearteningly bureaucratic. For just a moment, my finger hovered over the phishing link, and then I looked a little closer.

On any other day, it wouldn't have had a chance. Today – right after I had my luggage wrecked, while I'm still jetlagged, and after days of dealing with my airline's terrible outsource partner – it almost worked.

So much fraud is a Swiss-cheese attack, and while companies can't close all the holes, they can stop creating new ones.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to post about it whenever I get scammed. I find the inner workings of scams to be fascinating, and it's also important to remind people that everyone is vulnerable sometimes, and scammers are willing to try endless variations until an attack lands at just the right place, at just the right time, in just the right way. If you think you can't get scammed, that makes you especially vulnerable:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[good-chimes]

In honor of Life series four, Life Series Bake Off AU

NEW SERIES LAUNCHES:

Nation charmed by fresh crop of 12 amateur bakers including intensely competitive student GRIAN, ambitious cake artists BDUBS and SCAR, scientific bread experts TANGO and IMPULSE, and ETHO who has no discernible social media presence and, rumor has it, doesn’t officially exist. Married couple JOEL and LIZZIE raise eyebrows—will they be able to compete against each other?—but this is settled when Lizzie immediately announces she would murder Joel in real life to win and has bought the kitchen knife set for it, and Joel lovingly declares he keeps an axe under his pillow in case this happens.

The judges as usual are renowned cake chef PEARL, bread expert MUMBO, and our two inimitable presenters: BIGB, beloved by the nation for his gentle reassurances of weeping contestants, and MARTYN whose main contribution is his trademark eyebrow waggles as we find out from the judges who’s in trouble this week.

TART WEEK (1)

Tart week gets off to a strong start, with contestant REN charming both the judges and Martyn with his exquisite tarte au citron and his total inability to let a double-entendre go to waste (‘I’m just a tart triumph all over’ he proclaims, to Martyn’s immediate delighted riposte ‘Mm, but what do you do on the weekends?’). Law student JIMMY is not so lucky when a misreading of the recipe leads to ten times the correct amount of butter and a catastrophic oven meltdown. Star baker goes to early favorite BDUBS for an exquisite three-tier tart showstopper.

Week one elimination is, of course, the hapless Jimmy, and the recaps are united on two fronts: it's always nice to see someone on the show who reminds you of your own midnight experiments, but holy shit Jimmy, did it not give you a clue when the melted butter started pouring out of the oven like you’d stabbed the spirit of margarine to death in there. Jimmy's butter meltdown becomes a meme and he sells T-shirts; Joel immediately posts a picture wearing one.

CAKE WEEK (2)

Week two brings cake week and an impressive performance from SCAR, who embarks on a showstopper Baked Alaska in the shape of a snow-covered mountain. Tranquil in the face of GRIAN’S constant disparaging comments about his whisking technique and browned meringue, Scar perseveres and is crowned star baker for the week, while Twitter immediately declares Grian the villain of the season. A contingent of viewers theorising ‘could this be flirting’ are swiftly shouted down on social media and retreat to a dedicated subthread on a cookery forum.

Last week’s star baker BDUBS seems distracted by his new-found friendships with the quiet ETHO, who spends hours on the surprisingly unambitious Victoria Sponge. A conspiracy theory emerges that Etho invented the Victoria Sponge, refuted by weak counterarguments like “cannot possibly be true” and “he would have to be several hundred years old.” Meanwhile the nation is won over by JOEL and LIZZIE’S chemistry as they trade quips and spatulas, unfortunately Joel is eliminated after a jam mishap, at which he declares “at least I went out after Jimmy.”

TEA-TIME WEEK (3)

Tea-time week brings florentines and shortbread, but it’s a sad week for love as REN is out after his overambitious scones fail to impress. “I’m heartbroken,” Martyn announces, and cannot be consoled even by Scott’s superb showstopper petite-fours. Ren was a good sport to the end, everyone agrees. Ren spotted at a Covent Garden coffee shop with Martyn three weeks later.

HALLOWEEN WEEK (4)

The mood is jovial for Halloween week, with judge MUMBO in fake vampire fangs while ETHO bakes cookies in the form of anatomically correct skulls. LIZZIE starts off with adorable witch-hat cupcakes in little witch hats, then spends the rest of the episode precisely and effortlessly crafting a blood red mirror glazed sachertorte which the presenters refuse to look at because it “makes them uncomfortable”, and is subsequently awarded star baker for the most genuine aura of threat ever achieved by a cake.

Meanwhile GRIAN and SCAR continue to genially snipe at each other throughout. TANGO asks BDUBS to turn his oven off at a crucial moment; unfortunately Bdubs forgets and then blames Tango for relying on him, leading to the charred mess of Tango’s showstopper and a social media uproar dubbed “OvenGate”. Bdubs alternately sorrowful and dramatically dismissive. This cruel betrayal knocks Tango out of the tent; a public petition is started for his reinstatement.

WEDDING WEEK (5)

Puppet theater designer CLEO has her star turn in wedding week with ranks of beautiful marzipan figurines on all her bakes. An intense rivalry develops between her and wedding-enthusiast BDUBS, who declares his magnificent fondant confection a dry run for his impending marriage to ETHO, a stranger he met ten days ago. When asked by presenters how much of this is a joke, Etho laughs and says “I guess?”, which leaves the nation none the wiser. Unfortunately IMPULSE’S canapes are considered uninspired and he is uninvited from both the wedding reception and the series.

BREAD WEEK (6)

The feared bread week comes around and all the artistic cake-makers wobble badly. SCAR and GRIAN just scrape through, but CLEO’S triumph last week turns to tragedy despite the trouble she has gone to to model a realistic centaur out of sourdough. Bdubs makes an impromptu speech to camera about how she was robbed but he intends to triumph in her honor.

MEDIEVAL WEEK (7)

The experimental medieval week takes the bakers on an outdoor camping trip where they will attempt to build their own stoves and use them to replicate historical bread techniques. BDUBS’S enthusiasm for this and his drive to impress ETHO turn out to be his downfall as, distracted, he builds a stove that bleeds heat and fails to brown his bread. Etho meanwhile excels at both the survival and breadmaking aspects, leading to a divide on Twitter on whether this level of competence is hot or just very concerning, potentially the cake equivalent of a serial killer. The Victoria Sponge theory is raised again. Etho alleviates some concerns by getting lost three times in an open field over the course of the episode, which loses him enough baking time that dark horse SCOTT pips him to the post of star baker.

WINTER WARMTH WEEK (8)

Week eight arrives and five bakers remain: LIZZIE and SCOTT are known to be good all-rounders, ETHO is the reigning technical expert, SCAR remains the favorite on the cakes side, and GRIAN is mainly known for his habit of constantly sneaking spoonfuls of Scar’s cake mix so he can mock the taste. Social media opinion is divided into “Grian is a good baker actually”, “Grian is only still in because of executive meddling”, and the small but determined contingent of “no guys we really think they’re flirting??” who have emerged from their cookery subthread unbowed and with compilations of video evidence.

The set gets cozy with winter warmth week. Brandy-based showstoppers are the order of the day, and LIZZIE wins the episode by crafting a biscuit unicorn with a mane you can set on fire. ETHO invents an intricate brandy plumbing system to shoot flaming alcohol above his plum pudding—this attempt is in fact a good deal too successful and instead sets MARTYN’S hair on fire. GRIAN comes to his aid but ends up adding more brandy. Judge PEARL extinguishes the flames with a bowl of cinnamon milk. The judges are clearly not feeling merciful when it comes to the scores and Etho’s run comes to a premature end.

DOUBLES WEEK (9)

Some old favorites return for doubles week, where each of the remaining four bakers is helped out by an eliminated contestant on the other end of the phone. GRIAN for once assesses the limits of his own talents and asks to pair up with ETHO, a plan that immediately pays off when the contestants are challenged with a tricky technical that sees them baking the perfect pumpernickel bread. SCAR, having asked to pair up with BDUBS, is quickly underwater as neither of them understand yeast.

Scar’s floundering proves too much for Grian, who belligerently passes along his pumpernickel tips from Etho, saving Scar’s technical enough for him to scrape through. When challenged by Martyn, Grian grudgingly admits, “I just want Scar to stay in, okay?” Some recaps clear him of his villain status; others are still convinced it’s a fluke.

Meanwhile SCOTT turns in an efficient technical with help from CLEO and also JIMMY, who is apparently sitting in Cleo’s living room just to heckle Scott. LIZZIE calls on husband JOEL, but a combination of overconfidence and flirting distracts them both, leading to a burnt crust and Lizzie’s elimination from the final four.

MERINGUE WEEK (Final Episode)

In the finale, SCOTT, SCAR, and GRIAN face off over a series of escalating meringue-based challenges. Whatever alliance sprung up between Grian and Scar in the last episode is clearly water under the bridge as the two of them obsessively steal each other’s ingredients and annoy each other into trivial mistakes. This escalates into a noisy quarrel over the main challenge of the week: an edible diorama of a cactus ring. Scar’s attempts to ‘aesthetically correct’ Grian’s mountain diorama leads to Grian melting his sugar-spun cacti with a crème brulée torch.

The two are no longer speaking by the showstopper, where Grian embarks on a desperate attempt to make up points with an ambitious trifle in a castle-shaped wall of macarons while Scar builds his own grand macaron diorama. The clock ticks down. Scott is creating an impeccable strawberry pavlova. The trifle is going badly. Grian is covered in sugar and regret. BigB pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.

At the last moment, Scar sacrifices half his perfect macarons to donate to Grian’s diorama. Grian, for once lost for words, grabs his apron and kisses him right in front of Martyn’s swiftly-derailed countdown. “Grian had a beautiful artistic vision,” Scar says sentimentally afterwards. “You have to respect the craft!” They snog behind the tasting table. Mumbo gamely attempts to award points. Pearl in a laughing fit behind the cameras. Martyn and BigB solemnly wrap up the shot with Martyn’s best cake-based innuendoes. Grian and Scar do not notice.

Scott wins the series. He got so many more points on the cactus ring technical.

[em-prentiss]

Oneshots 

till our fingers decompose (keep my hand in yours): Aaron and Emily take a late night trip to the grocery store, and a secret she's been stifling finally bursts free.

all of me a wound to close (but I leave the whole thing open): Emily struggles to sleep after Doyle.

every page that I wrote, you were on it: Emily is in Paris, she’s alone, and she’s drowning. So she writes letters.

when you hold me, it holds me together: Emily is stranded at a bar. She calls Hotch.

sweet nothing: Aaron and Emily’s daughter finally says her first word, but when she does, he’s not there. 

and when I break, it’s in a million pieces: Emily has a panic attack. 

I love you, it’s ruining my life: Emily's life is hardly okay after Doyle. Coming back and finding the man she loves with another woman doesn't help matters. 

you put me on and said I was your favorite: A closer look at Aaron and Emily's relationship.

I used to float (now I just fall down): Emily has a bad day and Aaron tries to help her through it. 

you can see it with the lights out (you are in love): Aaron and Emily, through different lenses. 

I know I don’t speak your language (but I wanna know more, baby): It's no secret Emily knows multiple languages. Sometimes, Aaron likes to show them off more than she does.

it always leads to you (in my hometown): Unrelated snippets of hotchniss based on every song in evermore. 

touch me with a kiss, feel me on your lips: In which Aaron and Emily have a no strings attached kind of relationship. 

I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back (I have a lot of regrets about that): Scratch is finally down, but Aaron doesn't come home. Not until Emily runs into him by accident.

my sleepless night, my winless fight: It’s Emily’s first case as Unit Chief and she struggles to sleep with Aaron miles away.

to leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known: It’s JJ’s wedding, and Aaron knows Emily is leaving. He tries to stop it. 

amaranthine: Aaron takes care of Emily while she’s on her period.

this is where I wanna be (where it’s so sweet and heavenly): Aaron, Emily, and the small steps they take towards each other (infinitesimal, tentative, but they get there). 

passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long: Unrelated snippets of hotchniss based on every song in folklore.

if you’ve bled, I’ll bleed the same: Aaron looks after Emily in Colorado.

that old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in my soul: How Aaron deals with Emily's death. 

got lovestruck (went straight to my head): Emily brings a cat into the BAU.

oh can we just get a pause? (to be certain we'll be tall again): Hit and Run with established hotchniss.

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends: How the team finds out about Aaron and Emily.

strange what desire will make foolish people do: Alaska is cold, and their joint room has only one bed.

when you know, you know: In celebration of Aaron and Emily's engagement, the BAU takes a trip to the beach.

Retrouvaille: It's Morgan's wedding, and Emily makes the trip from London.

everybody wants you, you can have them all (but I got what you need): Mick Rawson flirts with Emily. Aaron doesn’t like it. 

is there someone else or not? (cause I wanna keep you close): Aaron meets Beth. Emily won't admit she's jealous, but she definitely is.

these hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me: A Route 66 fic where Emily finds out about Aaron's surgery.

you could call me babe for the weekend: Emily comes back to help save JJ. She may or may not spend the rest of the weekend at Aaron's.

one single thread of gold tied me to you: Aaron visits the BAU after he gets out of WITSEC. 

say my name and everything just stops: Aaron and Emily go on an undercover date. 

Redamancy: A soccer mom pays extra attention to Aaron. Emily doesn't like it - and she does something about it. 

hold me, love me, touch me, honey (you'll be the first who ever did): Aaron looks after a concussed Emily. 

Soft Sundays

(aka the soft fics where nothing happens, really—some of my favorites to write and read)

drunk in love: Aaron is drunk. And really unable to contain his love for his wife.

Persuasion: Emily finds a stray cat. She wants to take it home; Aaron does not.

this love is glowing in the dark: Emily comes home drunk. Aaron is more than happy to take care of her. 

have I known you twenty seconds, or twenty years?: Two mornings, twenty years apart. They are parallel to each other; mirrors. 

no, I didn’t see the news (cause we were somewhere else): Emily opens the door to Aaron's apartment and finds her whole team waiting for her. She's not exactly fully dressed. 

burnt toast, sunday (you keep his shirt, he keeps his word): Emily needs a midnight snack. Whilst preparing it, she accidentally wakes Aaron.

in another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you: Emily and Aaron let the laundry pile up. Tackling it is a joint effort, one neither of them wants to do. 

Back to main masterlist

[baby-alien11]

Birthday scream (Y/N Ulrich Universe)

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! *Alexa, play 22 by Taylor Swift (Taylor's Version)*

P.S.: I had to search Skeet's house for this, it's so cool where he lives

I will have a Q&A for my birthday so you can leave your messages for me so you can get to know me better (actually is always open, so you can ask me anything whenever you want)

taglist: @volturi-girl-imagines @dessxoxsworld @aonungsgirlfriend @ethanlandryluver @wenvierismycomfort @aliciacat20 @gabbylovesreading @nikfigueiredo

Since you were born, your birthdays were special, it didn't matter if it was only the five members of your family or a small party with your classmates, you enjoyed it

When you started to go to the Riverdale set, they usually throw you a theme party acording to the season they were filming at the time (seasons three, four and five were weird parties), and in the weekends your entire family will spend a day together

Also, there was also the tradition that someone will be standing up by your bed with the ghostface costume at the moment you wake up, and the person was different every year

Things change because of COVID, making the celebrations family-exclusive, but due to the fact that the virus was slowing down, a big party was a good option

So, while you were still sleeping in your room, on the first floor there was comotion to prepare everything with your friends from Scream and Avatar (due to the filming of the last season, the Riverdale guys wouldn't be there)

"If someone, pet or human goes to the cultives garden, please be careful with the plantings", Skeet exclaimed making the breakfast with Matthew's help

"And if they want to go potty?", Mason asked helping with decorations

"They have a space for that in the garden", Naiia assured

"It's okay if I record most of the party?", Jamie asked with his camera on hand, "And uploading it on my channel?"

"For my part is a yes", Georgina, your mother, answered making a cake with Anna's help, "But Y/N is the birthday girl, so she has the ultimate answer"

"Should we inflate more balloons?", Bailey asked with Liana and Duane by her side surrounded with a lot of balloons

"I think we should fill the trampoline with some of them", Jack suggested, "It will be fun"

"Kids, we have enough with the castle jumper in the backyard", Skeet interrupted, "And I still don't know how she convinced me to get one for the entire day"

"Because she is the baby of the family", Melissa joked organazing some helium balloons

"I actually suggested her the idea", Trinity said whit a proud smile

"You are my new favorite kid", Jasmine said towards the pre-teen

"Wait, don't you have the tradition of using the ghostface costume?", Devyn asked suddenly

"Yeah, who's turn is this year?", Filip continued

Realising that they didn't remember who's turn this year was, the four looked at each other with panic

"What if we add a surprise factor this year?", Jakob suggested turning towards the living room where everyone was, "Who wants to wear the costume?"

"Do you have more than one?", Jenna asked, "Because more than one would be cool"

"Or someone she won't expect", Duane said

"Just so everyone knows", Liana talked, "It's difficult to breath under the mask"

"True!", Matthew exclaimed

"Wait, has anyone seen Iggy?", Amenah, Mason's girlfriend talked, "I haven't seen him in a while"

"Wasn't he sleeping in the couch with the other pets?", Mason asked

"I think I saw Butters and Izzy going upstairs, along with Alaska, Rambo and Zeus", Xavier, Melissa's husband responded

"Jakob", Skeet said causing his son to look at him with a little fear, "When you went to see if your sister was still asleep, did you close the door after checking?"

"Not completely", Jakob laughed nerviously, "I mean, I didn't want to wake her up, so I didn't close the door"

Upstairs, you were already awake thanks to Butters who jumped into your bed to start licking your face, and noticing the other five dogs, you reach out to let them snuggle in your bed

And being wake up with your door barely open, you heard everything downstairs making you smile with fun

"If they knew I'm awake and listening to everything", you laugh to the pets

Hearing someone coming to your room, you decided to pretend you were still sleeping covering completely with your bed sheets, leaving the pets uncovered

After disscussing who would wear the costume, they choose the one who you never expect, and that was Bailey, who was walking slowly towards your room trying to make zero noise, with Jamie following with his camera to film

When they arrived at the room, Jamie stood in the door filming while Bailey started walking towards your bed noticing the pets laying at the feet of the bed

The moment you felt someone next to your bed, you were quick to jump and scare the person behind the costume, earning a girl-ish scream which you recognized

"Oh my God! Bailey?", you exclaimed in surprise kneeling in your bed

"Happy birthday", Bailey said taking the mask off, "Liana was right, it's hard to breathe in this"

"I didn't expected this", you laughed while she sat in your bed

"Yeah, last time I'm going to use this", Bailey said, "Jamie is filming also"

"Hi, happy birthday Y/N", Jamie spoke still from the door

"Thanks", you smiled, "Wait, who is here?"

"Almost everyone", Bailey responded, "Come on, breakfast is ready"

Without caring that you were still in you pajamas that consisted in a tank top and sweatpants. you went downstairs with Bailey and Jamie, seeing the first floor full

"Happy birthday!", everyone exclaimed the moment they saw you

Squealing of happinnes, you were quick to hug everyone in the place, watching all the decorations that adorned the first floor

"Did you like the way to wake up this year?", your mom asked while hugging you

"Actually, I was awake before Bailey entered", you revealed surprising everyone, "I heard almost everything"

"I'm sorry in advance for leaving the door open!", Jakob exclaimed

"I knew you were the one who leave it open", you laughed, "You always leave it open"

"Welcome to the club, man", Mason spoke, "I'm also the sibling who leaves the door open"

That comment made everyone laugh before getting to the kitchen to serve all the breakfast foods that was made, and sitting in the living room while the pets lay besides their owners

"So, what's the itinerary for today?", you asked sitting between Jack and Trinity

"We rented a castle jumper", Skeet answered, "Is in the pool backyard"

"No way!", you yelled with surprise, "Are you serious?"

"It arrived early in the morning", your mom responded, "And it's ready to use"

"We also bring a piñata", Melissa said, "We'll put it next to the garage"

"And we also bring three bags of candy to fill it", Xavier continued

"This day is going to be so fun", you smiled

"After breakfast, we'll spend time outside, then we will have lunch and you'll open your gifts", your mom continued, "And the cake will be the dinner, what do you think?"

"It's the perfect day", you smiled

After everyone ended up breakfast, you went to your room to change your sleeping clothes for a over-sized shirt and comfy shorts

"Baby, are you ready?", Jack asked entering your room, "The castle jumper is waiting for you"

"Totally ready", you smiled aproaching to him

Before both of you could leave the room, Jack was quick to softly hold your cheeks and share a small kiss

"Happy birthday", Jack said leaving a kiss in your forehead, "I love you"

"I love you", you responded with a love smile

Carrying you in his back, you and Jack went downstairs in direction to the pool backyard were everyone was already in the castle jumper

"Before everyone start to jump, we decided to make a rule!", Georgina exclaimed, "Everyone who is filmimg, promoting or working on projects be careful and don't do anything dangerous like backflips or jumping into the pool!"

"Please, is for your own safety", Anna continued

"If you don't follow the rules I will eat the two cakes that we have!", Matthew yelled, "I'm serious about that!"

Laughing for that threat, everyone that was in the castle started to jump and play while having fun and listening to the music that was on the speakers

After everyone was tired of jumping and the lunch was over, it was time for the next part of the party: the piñata and the gifts

"Okay, here´s how this works", Melissa said before starting, "Everyone will hit it three times to try to break it, if it doesn't break when everyone passed, anyone can hit it, of course, the birthday girl is first"

"And what do we do when the piñata is broken?", Filip asked

"Fight for your life for the candys", Xavier answered holding the rope from which the piñata hung on the thick branch of a three

"This sounds fun", Jakob commented

"Now, fictional half sister", Melissa spoke again handing the wood stick, "Let's start with this"

Smiling with excitement, you walk towards she was and took the wood stick to aproach to the white and pink flower piñata

"This looks so cute", you said refering to the piñata before hitting it hard surprising everyone

"Mini Ulrich has a strong arm", Jasmine commented

After hitting it three times, you passed the wood stick to the next person who was Naiia

For the next minutes, everyone took their turns to hit the piñata getting to break it slowly due to the hits, until it was Matthew's turn when he mannaged to break it, which caused that the young adults and teenagers throw themselves to catch the more amount of candies that were previously inside the piñata

That scene made all the adults laugh and take pictures of the fight for the candies

"Where are all the chocolates?", Devyn asked

"I saw Mason put them in his bag", Trinity responded

"Are you serious?", Mason exclaimed, "This are Amenah's favourite"

"Dude, just give us some", Duane said

"But you have to give us some of the strawberry lollipops", you yelled

"I don't have them", Duane answered with indignation

"Yes you have them", Liana argued, "I saw you took them"

After a little argument about the candies and everyone having all types, the group went back to the living room for the next part of the party

"Well, since we are the people who gave you life, it's fair we are first", your mom said

"Happy birthday tornado", Skeet continued leaving a big box in front of you

"Thanks mom, thanks dad", you thanked both of them before opening the box revealing materials for VFX make up, "Oh my God, thank you so much, this is awesome"

"Yeah, ours is better", Naiia spoke while Jakob gave you a medium box

A little nervous because you didn't know what to expect from them, you open the box laughing at the moment you saw the content

"What is it?", Jenna asked with curiosity

In response you lifted the white shirt with the phrase "child of divorce" which made everyone laugh

"We also get ones to ourselves", Jakob laughed

"I can't wait to wear this outside", you joked

"I'm next", Jack anounced giving you a big box, "Happy birthday gorgeous"

"Thanks babe", you smiled opening the box revealing a set of LEGO flowers, "I love them!"

During the next hour and a half you spend it opening the gifts that included more supplies for VFX make up from Matthew, a polaroid camera from Jamie, jewelry from Bailey, the 'email's I can't send' vinyl album from Trinity, a Thom Brown backpack from Jenna, books from Filip and Duane, aromatic candles from Jasmine, two pair of sneakers from Mason and Amenah, clothes from Liana, phone cases and accesories from Devyn, skin care products from Melissa and Xavier, and a sketchbook with supplies from Anna

yn.ulrich, jackchampion, masonthegooding and 128, 805 more

skeetulrich this is how my living room looks after Y/N birthday, because a whole day together wasn't enough

tagged: yn.ulrich, naiia, julrich21, jackchampion, melissabarreram, xavierzazuetaoficial, jasminsavoy, masonthegooding, amenahsoares, baileybass, lianaliberato, misstrinitybliss, jamieflatters, duane.evans_, devyn_nekoda

yn.ulrich this was one of my best birthdays ever!!

baileybass I can't believe I almost get hit by a piñata

› jasminsavoy I already apologized a hundred times

› kjapa did you have a piñata?!

› jackchampion yeah, it was a flower one, Melissa brought it

user497 I want to be friends with all of them

matthewlilard good luck with the kids, I'm already taking my flight

› yn.ulrich uncle Matthew, you know I love your gift, but you know what will be awesome as a present?

› yn.ulrich to know if Stu is alive

› matthewlilard okay, I'm going to block you, happy birthday

› julrich21 HAHAHAHAHAHA

[shelbgrey]

Hello 👋 can give dating edward cullen x fem reader headcanons please 🙏

Dating Edward Cullen Headcanons:

Twilight Master list

So for starters this relationship isn't gonna be like the one he had with Bella, she exist in this world but she's not a major problem... We'll get to that eventually.

So in the twilight universe Edward falls for his blood singer(Bella) but in this world I think he'd relize his true mate is another vampire. This wouldn't cause so much pressure for him and less problems for both families.

For some background, your the Denali's newest addition, Eleazar and Carmen adopted you and that's how you and Edward met.

You both knew you guys were mates, the bond was there but he knew you deserved to be taken out on dates and you guys should be able to learn about each other.

The first date was an outside theater he set up for the both of you in your back yard. He picked out all your favorite movies, but you ended up ignoring them and just talking the whole time.

You bring out a more playful side of him, Carlisle has never seen him so happy or heard him laugh so much.

He's very affectionate person with you. Always kissing your forehead or hugging you.

If he wants attention he'll seek it, it doesn't matter if your reading or doing homework he'll pull you to his chest and you'll continue working.

You help him see that he's not a monster, you guys work very hard to make him see himself the way you do. “your not the monster you think you are”

“well, king kong once said it was beauty that killed the beast” what Edward means by this is that your bright personality snuffed out the darkness(the beast) he felt inside him.

His First 'I love you' was after about three months into dating, he knew the moment he saw you that he loved you but he wanted to make sure this is what the both of you wanted.

You guys did have a long distance relationship for a while, year maybe because you lived in Alaska and the Cullens were living in Seattle at the time. Eleazar and Carlisle knew the both of you were miserable being so far away from each other, so they made arrangements for Edward and the Cullens to move to Alaska.

Edward and you always have long conversation about your passions. Sometimes it's book or music. Whatever is on your mind you talk about it.

Speaking of mind, he can read it but he tries not to. He very much respects your privacy, so he only does went it's 100% necessary.

Back to passions and books you don't relize how many discussion and friendly arguments you've guys had about Harry Potter. Most of the time its you trying to convince Edward that Cedric Diggory wasn't an annoying character. “no guy should be that perfect! And there's no way he would have won the tournament”

You made him take the hogwarts house quize and He's a Ravenclaw.

Your the only one who can call him Eddie. Emmett doses it just to mess with him, but Eddie is a nickname he only loves when you call him it. “she the only on who can call me that”

Remember when I said Edward is so much more playful since you came into his life, well you guys have millions of inside jokes and your always playing games to keep yourself entertained.

You guys play tag a lot and there's no rules, all vampire abilities are in use and you guys get very competitive. Esme and Carmen have baned you from playing in the house though.

Your not aloud to play around the house at all actually, not after you accidentally pushed Edward threw the wall. Carmen and Esme grounded you both.

“well I hope you guys don't have anything planed this weekend beacuse you're spending it fixing the wall.” Esme said, Carmen did cuss you guys out in Spanish.

Since you guys have alot of time on your hands during the night he's token upon himself to teach you how to play piano.

Peaking of music your Song isn't gonna be thousand years or Flightless bird(as mush as I love both songs) but your song is Can't help falling in love by Elvis Presley.

You guys dance alot too, at night when the right song is playing you guys just sway around in your room without a care in the world.

You guys don't argue alot, if you do it's about him feel insecure about himself or the fact your reckless. Vampire or not he wants you safe.

His kisses are always full of passion and love. He makes sure you know your the only girl he wants and since your a vampire he isn't afraid to hurt you, but that doesn't mean he's rough with you or just doesn't care.

You guys are engaged by the time you moved to Forks, you guys planed to have the wedding after your graduation.

But since your now in Forks that meant you guys have to deal with Bella. Bella becomes obsessed with Edward, but he doesn't care. Your the only girl he wants and he remains faithful.

Bella wouldn't let up even going to the length of trying to befriend Alice and Rosalie just so she could get closer to Edward. Rosalie wouldn't tolerate it, she loves you like a sister and she doesn't want to see your relationship get screwed up by a stupid human.

“he has a girlfriend”

“I don't see her” Bella said.

“turn around, now you see her”

She tried to break you guys up by spreading rumers or trying to start fight between you two, but she failed everytime. No amount of power could tair you two apart.

She did give up after a while but she remained snapy towrds your families, but it's easy to ignore her.

Well since there's no Bella that means no birthday party for Jasper to lose his shit at. But you guys do end up going to Alaska after graduation, you and Edward got to graduate early with high honors.

Playing baseball is so much funner in the snow and since both of your families are there that ment bigger teams. Denalis vs. Cullens, I'll let you decide who wins.

Emmett and Edward do cheat, but Edward always gose easy on you. But you don't need it, your a total bad ass and Edward couldn't feel more lucky.

You guys get married in Alaska and it's a small wedding, just what you wanted and Tayna planed it with Rose and Kate's help.

Later on you end up adopting a little girl, Edward and you wanted kids. This also give Edward the opportunity to the daughter what Carlisle was to him.

In conclusion, Edward is the happiest he's ever been. He with the woman of his dreams and he couldn't feel so content with life.

You made his life better.

[jedifighterpilot2727]

Yo, can you please do something with this prompt? Established supercorp, Kara being overwhelmed by all the bodies of national city and Lena helping her through it.

This is a completely self indulgent Autistic!Kara fic, featuring Lena throwing money at problems because she's a bazillionaire and she wants to spoil her wife. (And yes, I'm still working on the smut fic and Myx part 2, but I'm trying to crank out some volume and clear out some prompts!)

Overwhelmed

"So, I was thinking we could invite Winn and James over for lunch next weekend, that would be the perfect time to ask them how their trip to Alaska went, because you know Winn is going to have . . ." Lena lets her voice trail off as she studies her wife, realizing by the distant look on Kara's face that nothing she's saying is registering anyway.

Instead, Kara is stopped halfway down the grocery aisle, eyes glazed over as her fingers twirl the pendant charm on her necklace. She's definitely seen Kara take her time on the cereal aisle before, but this is different.

Lena carefully maneuvers  the shopping cart to the side of the busy aisle, watching as the crowd jostles around them.

Kara startles when Lena's fingers make contact with her arm and Lena can't help but wince at the flash of fear that sparks in those blue eyes.

"Are you ok? I think I lost you there for a minute."

Kara's gaze flits around the store before finally settling on Lena, one hand still toying with her necklace.

"Yeah, it's just uh, you know, a lot of people here today. My skin feels twitchy." Kara's shoulders tense upwards in a cringing shrug, and a shiver shakes her body.

"Do you want to go home?" Lena offers. "I can always have groceries delivered -"

"No! No, I mean, I'm fine. I can get through a grocery trip without freaking out, I'm not a weirdo."

Lena  sees Kara's eyes focusing on the cereal in front of them, but she can tell her mind is a million miles away by the blankness behind her gaze.

"You're not a weirdo." Lena insists, reaching for Kara's hand. "The store is busy today, it's hard enough for someone without-" she drops her voice to a whisper - "super senses."

Kara flashes her a grateful smile.

"I'm fine, I can tough it out for a few more minutes."

As if on cue, the overhead speaker blares with static.

"Attention shoppers: register four is now open with no wait."

Kara twitches violently at the noise and Lena makes an executive decision; grabbing Kara with one hand and the shopping cart in the other.

"I'm fine, I swear -" Kara starts but Lena ignores her protests; instead weaving a commanding path through the crowd to the front of the store.

The register lines are backed up, but Lena bypasses them, instead heading for the costumer service desk.

"Can I help you?" The gentleman behind the counter asks with a smile, and Lena answers with one of her own.

"Yes, sorry, I've just had something come up and I need to leave immediately." She slides a hundred dollar bill across to the man. "I trust this is enough to cover your restocking fee?"

The man glances at the money and then back at Lena.

"Oh, ma'am we don't actually have a restocking fee -" but Lena doesn't let him finish.

"For the trouble." she insists, pressing the bill into his palm before turning to the door and pulling Kara with her.

"But Lee, the ice cream . . ." Kara protests, and Lena spins on her red bottom heel, already pulling out another hundred dollar bill.

"For the ice cream." She explains to the customer service rep as she tosses the bill on the counter and reaches in the cart for the frozen container.

Speechless, the man waves, and Lena turns once again to leave,  passing the carton of mint chocolate chip to her wife.

"Better?" She asks with a sly grin, and Kara's thankful smile is the only answer she needs, but Kara punctuates it with a squeezing side hug.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

[balanceoflightanddark]

Monsters We Create Chapter 20 Update

Apologies for the delay. Again. I...broke my foot and it took me a while to get myself together. That and I'm going on vacation to Alaska next weekend so...yeah.

But I do have Chapter 20, which is roughly about 50% done. Maybe. So to hold everyone in the meantime, here's a little snippet of the chapter as a sort of appetizer. Forgive me if it's a little rough.

They walked a good distance away from the war tent. Yet not once did Kori let her guard down. Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee. Three names she had a lot of good reason to be wary of. One was the Fire Lord, obviously. It wasn’t too long ago when he nearly got Yu Dao destroyed out of his own stupidity. The other two? She could understand Azula being difficult, yet to turn their backs so suddenly and completely was beyond her.

When they came to an abandoned training ground, Zuko turned around. “Alright. We’re here.”

“If you think you can get me to stab a knife in Azula’s back-”

“Listen! I’m not here to talk about Azula. At all. I meant it when I said she’s going around unbound. It’s just…well, you know how she is! I can’t trust her with all these rogue armies running around. Somebody’s got to keep tabs on her,” Zuko explained.

“Besides, we’ve got Mai here if Azula needs some knives thrown at - OW!” Ty Lee rubbed her arm after Mai gave her a swift and rather hard elbow.

Zuko simply sighed from their little spat. “The point is, if you can keep Azula in check, that’s great. I only have the guards there so it can keep those generals off my back. And hers. They wanted her thrown back into that asylum.”

“You could’ve just told her that, but whatever,” Kori muttered. It amazed her. He says that he wants to do good, but then has some secret or leaves some lasting remark that invalidates it. No wonder he and Azula were so dysfunctional. Seemed like the only way they could even interact was through backstabbing, betrayals, and fighting. If this was what they were like when they were allies, she didn’t want to see how they were when the pleasantries failed and fire was being thrown.

Agni help her no fire was thrown today yet. She certainly didn’t see it in the Fire Lord’s eyes right now. They were…well, dull. His shoulders were a bit slumped. It was as if he aged a few years in the span of a few days.

“Can we forget Azula for a few minutes? It’s not why I called you out here.” Zuko swallowed as he collected himself. “I know you’re part of that movement the assassination attempt came from. Your father talked quite a bit about what you’ve been up to.”

“I assure you, our movement was to protest and prevent innocents from being harassed by Fire Nation guards! None of us had any intention of murdering anybody!” Kori still couldn’t believe it. Who’d be stupid enough to make an attempt on the Fire Lord’s life? She wasn’t a fan of his either, but nothing he did indicated he was personally overseeing what was going on in Yu Dao. A bit ignorant and heavy handed, but not responsible. It’s one thing if he stepped in personally and started threatening people.

Yet an attempt at his life without any solid reason for? That was inviting for the army to come in and stomp on their movement. Who knew how many civilians would be caught in such an escalation?

“I know. It’s why I want you to look into it.”

Kori, out of surprise or bafflement, let Zuko continue. “I get it. The Fire Nation hasn’t done Yu Dao much good. I’d even wager you and your people have done more for the benefit of this city in a few months than my country has for over a hundred years.” His eyes went downward for a moment, as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

Yet it only lasted for a moment before he took another breath. “Figure out what’s going on and who sent that kill order. I’ll do things on my end with the assassin. Maybe together we can bring whoever did this to justice.”

The rebel wasn’t sure what to say. It sounded too good to be true. Indeed, after running his proposal through her head, she saw the problem. “I appreciate the offer, Fire Lord. But as long as that captain and his thugs roam the streets, there’s only going to be more violence. Whoever’s doing this wouldn’t be able to get away with it if the guards didn’t build this pyre of theirs.”

“They will be brought to justice,” Zuko responded. “I’m going to try and override this curfew and get a tighter leash on the officers. If you can work on your end and help me bring this mastermind down, that’ll give them less incentive to crack down on your people.”

When he ended, he once again remained silent and waited for her response. Mai and Ty Lee stood on the sidelines watching the whole thing, giving Kori more eyes that were on her. Truth be told, she still couldn’t trust him. Who could? Everyone said he had the hallmarks of his father right down to how he ascended to the throne. And who could say they bring peace when they wear a crown drenched in blood.

Yet he didn’t wear the crown now. No grandeur. Nothing. He was baring his true intentions out to her. If nothing else, she could trust that. “Alright. All I can say is there might be some Fiery Raptors within their ranks.”

Ty Lee snorted. “Of course, Azula would pull something like that.”

“It’s not what you think,” Kori interrupted, making sure they all had her attention. “I wanted some people to back us up in the protests in case things got violent. She offered to have some of her men to back us up and I said yes.”

“Can’t say I blame you there. You go up against soldiers, you’re going to need some muscle.”

“Who’s side are you on?!” Ty Lee yelled at Mai, her frustration with her reaching a boiling point.

The emotionless girl just gave a noncommittal shrug. “I’m just saying it as it is. From what I’ve heard, the Mayor hasn’t exactly done a good job of keeping the peace on his end. Can’t blame Azula for taking advantage of something that was already there. We certainly did.” Ty Lee promptly shut up from Mai’s assessment, looking a bit downcast herself.

Kori also had a harsh truth slapped in her face. Her father. Mayor Morishita, the one most responsible for Yu Dao’s woes. He’s the one who ultimately had control of the garrison and determined who was in charge. If it weren’t for him, that captain and his goons probably wouldn’t be able to run rampant and bully the citizens into submission.

Still, it was a hard truth to swallow. Needless to say, his actions were part of the reason her mother left a long time ago. True, she made her peace with it when she saw what her father’s cronies were willing to do. Yet it still hurt too much to ignore.

Something that Zuko noticed. “You know your father’s going to have to go on trial for what he’s done. Right?”

Forcing down her queasiness, Kori crossed her arms and tried not to look like she was hugging herself. “I understand.”

“Good.” Then, the Fire Lord did something rather unexpected. He walked up and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. It was…surprisingly warm. Kori wasn’t sure what to make of it before she saw the scar on his face. Seemed as though she wasn’t the only one who had issues with her parents.

A similar story was told with Mai and Ty Lee, who gazed at her with soft eyes. Kori wondered: what was it about the Fire Nation that equaled parental issues? She had her father. The girls had their parents. Agni help Azula and Zuko for getting stuck with Ozai as a father.

Azula.

“Before I agree to this, there’s something you need to promise me,” Kori declared.

Zuko looked a bit surprised but then gave an uneasy nod. Having got his attention, the rebel dropped the ultimatum. “Give Azula a chance. Stop treating her like she’s the worst thing in the world. And stop treating her like a bomb about to go off.”

“...you know I can’t do that,” he admitted with pain in his voice.

Yet Kori stood her ground. “Nobody’s asking you to forget. I’m simply stating that if you want this thing to work out, you need to uphold your end. That means no threats. No harassments. No lies. And no dangling her over a cliff. Got it?”

He shuddered when she threw out that last demand, but that didn’t soften her glare. Especially when she saw Mai and Ty Lee paralyzed in shock. Oh yeah. Azula told her about his little stunt that almost got him killed. She didn’t care if it was a low blow or not. If it meant he wouldn’t pull the same garbage twice, then so much is the better.

As for Zuko, he didn’t say anything for white seemed like an eternity. Then he gave a defeated nod and said, “Alright. As long as she isn’t a problem.”

Satisfied, Kori turned to rejoin her friends. Since that’s what friends do after all. Though not before she said one last thing. “I do mean it. You try anything without any incentive…just remember what happened with Godzilla. It won’t end well.”

And so she left, leaving the trio behind. Truth be told, she didn’t enjoy having to lay out the cold truth. Yet Zuko struck her as somebody who needed to be slapped in the face and have a rock hammering into his skull in order to get the point across. Agni knows how many of those blockheads she had to put up with growing up.

Mentally she kicked herself for having to go from one blockhead to ANOTHER blockhead. If there was one thing Azula and her brother had in common, it was digging in and covering their ears when they didn’t want whatever ideas they had in their head to be challenged. Sort of made things a bit depressing that it took a kaiju of all things to get them to cooperate.

Let’s just hope they haven’t killed each other by the end of this, Kori prayed.

[taylortruther]

What did you do over the weekend Rae? I saw whales in Alaska and had a pistachio latte in Seattle for u

YES WITH THE PISTACHIO MILK? so good! and i went dancing with friends!!

[qnewsau]

Drag Race firebrand Willam got kicked out of DragCon

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/drag-race-firebrand-willam-got-kicked-out-of-dragcon/

Drag Race firebrand Willam got kicked out of DragCon

Security! RuPaul’s Drag Race queen Willam has shared footage of the moment she was kicked out of DragCon in Los Angeles.

The drag performer’s frosty relationship with the RuPaul’s Drag Race franchise since her season is no secret.

Over the weekend, the popular three-day expo DragCon LA returned to the Los Angeles Convention Centre.

Every DragCon brings performers, drag fans and even RuPaul himself together for performances, meet and greets and of course lots and lots of merchandise.

Willam was one of the many queens who showed up for day 1 of DragCon LA. However, word quickly got around that Willam’s appearance was short-lived.

In a post on X, Willam confirmed to a fan security had escorted her out of the event.

“Yep. Listen to the [podcast] this week and watch my YouTube videos of it all happening,” Willam replied.

After the X post, Willam shared footage on Instagram and her YouTube channel of almost a dozen security guards escorting her out.

In the video, Willam bumps into fellow Drag Race star Dahlia Sin and Willam told her she was told she was a “risk for the event.”

Willam described the footage of “11 cops and guards circling me moving me out the door like the only villain. Fun stuff!”

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by WILLAM (@willam)

Willam will ‘always be’ a Drag Race fan

Willam later elaborated in a much longer Instagram post, below. The drag performer said she will “always love Drag Race and be a fan” but let rip on production company World of Wonder, DragCon and her treatment at the event.

“They trailed me around the convention centre and then waited til I went backstage [to] descend and encircle me so they wouldn’t be by the fans and cameras,” Willam claimed.

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by WILLAM (@willam)

Willam promises the tea on her Race Chaser podcast

Willam also promised to spill more tea with her co-host Alaska on the drag duo’s always honest and frequently spicy recap podcasts Race Chaser and Hot Goss.

Ahead of that, the drag performer’s followers were in the comments section with a lot of thoughts.

“Just @willam casually keeping the punk spirit of drag alive. Bless her,” one person wrote.

“I mean it’s very on brand,” another follower said.

“Looking sickening though,” someone else declared.

“Let’s be real: Willam walked straight to Ru’s line to start sh*t. Had he just acted like a person and enjoyed #DragCon, it wouldn’t have been an issue. Instead, he walked in there like it was his name on the marquee and got dealt with accordingly. It’s been years, boo. Move on,” an alleged DragCon attendee clarified.

“Cant wait for the ‘I went to DragCon 2024 and all I got was escorted out’ tshirts/merch,” someone else wrote.

More on Drag Race:

Willam blasts Michelle Visage for hosting Drag Race Down Under

Ru-vealed: Here’s the queens set for Drag Race Down Under season 4

Aussie Kween Kong confirmed for RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars

Courtney Act reunited with Adore Delano and Bianca Del Rio

Rhys Nicholson on ‘grim’ Drag Race Down Under we almost saw

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[uncannychange]

International commodities brokers John Tossman, Jon Enger, and Johnny McSween were long known as The Three Johnnies

However, since the lockdown, they had not been on top of their game.

It seemed that the changing world market and much of society in general was leaving them behind.

Not content to let their star set, they set about looking for things they could do about this and put out feelers for people with ideas on how to reconnect with the world as it was now and as it would be becoming.

They got offers for seminars, one, two, and three weekend “team-building retreats” from Alaska to Zimbabwe, dozens of motivational speakers, and a gushing testimonial about going to South America and taking Ayahuasca with a shaman from a broker who was doing worse than they were.

The oddest one, however, had to have been the offer from a spokesperson for a company calling itself DNA: Mart that when they tried to find information about it on the Internet, nothing came up.

The spokesperson for the group didn’t try to pitch changing their minds, business techniques, or motivations, but their bodies.

They offered a brand new way to scrape out the old and bring about new youth and vitality while at the same time ensuring that they would be “ready to join the new world growing in the future, even as it came about.”

As with all the other offers, the Three Johnnies all said, “No, thank you.”

However, each was intrigued and secretly kept the information the rep from DNA: Mart had given them so they could investigate on their own.

It turned out that, as would be expected from such a hard-to-find-anything-about company, getting in contact with DNA: Mart was slippery.

John Tossman, however, was able to find one of their set-ups just 50 miles away. He paid the least amount he could, but they said they could still ensure that he would be “more in line with tomorrow.”

After they did whatever they did, they turned John loose on the world.

There, Tossman found that it seemed DNA: Mart was convinced that, as some said, “The Future is Female.” Because John found that whether or not the future was female, he now sure was!

He was a 44-year-old woman, and while slimmer, his old suit still fit.

She doubted, however, that his old life would.

Unknown to the other two Johnnies, Jon Enger also went looking for a DNA: Mart, finding one a little over 150 miles from their offices.

Jon paid for the second most expensive treatment they offered, one that promised to have him even more on the road to where the world is headed… and younger and with weight reduction, too!

When Jon came about he was indeed younger, and even more indeed female, and a true blond one to boot. Also indeed lighter, not just from losing pounds, but also due to her new self being at least five inches shorter than before, taking Jon down from 5’11” to only 5’6” so that Jon swam in his old suit and she had to adjust the seat of her car before she could start the drive home.

Johnny McSween found his DNA: Mart over 360 miles from HQ, and he spared no expense in getting their highest-priced offering.

This took even longer than the other two Johnnies secret meetings had taken. But oh, the results!

When Johnny was brought back from his 47 years, He could not have looked older than 22! Also, as with the other two, he was now also a woman.

In Johnny’s case, it seemed an Asian woman, perhaps Chinese, "Yeah," thought Johnny, "I guess China is the most likely," who could not have stood taller than 5’2” if that! A full ten inches shorter than his old self, light as a feather, and to Johnny's destress improbably cute.

It seemed the new Johnny McSween would have to stand on tip-toes to look over the horizon for tomorrow.

“What are the guys going to say when they see me?” each thought.

What the new Joan, Jacqueline, and Jennie agreed on shortly after their first meeting as the new Three Joans was, “Girls, we have got to improve our communications!”

Soon, however, they were in sync both with business communications and other newer, more monthly ways.

[pixeldistractions]

But then Maria was struck with sadness at all of this.

“If only,” she said. “I mean, this is so beautiful. And she deserves it, I’m not saying she doesn’t. But why do you think some people get happy endings and others don’t?”

“Oh, hell if I know. Sorry, I was just fixing the lights.”

Jordan had a worried look of having done something wrong, and which made Maria smile. Made her heart ache just a little more. He was no philosopher, and she didn’t need him to be. He was thoughtful and generous and usually aloof. But the way he stopped, really heard her, that slight raise in his eyebrow that said he cared in ways he couldn’t put words to, it meant everything to her. It was one of the few things she cherished in this life.

“I guess it probably sucks for you to work here, with all the weddings,” he said.

“Sometimes I think I should feel worse.”

“Why should you feel worse?”

She and Joseph got pregnant first and married soon after. A traditional shotgun thing, not that anyone’s parents demanded it, but Joseph was a traditional sort of guy. He would have been a good husband, probably. That’s what everyone said. He would have been a great father. Maybe. Maria had never known him to care for a pet or sibling or even a plant, but he had that dominant kind of control that would have led a household like a Navy ship. Probably his sharp edges would soften and he could be caring and patient and devoted and all those things a father and husband needed to be. Parenthood brings out the best in people sometimes, except when it doesn’t.

But none of that mattered now because that wasn’t what fate had in store for them.

“Joseph was a fine enough guy and everything, but he and I weren’t together very long. You know, it’s not like I lost the love of my whole life or anything. Maybe he would have been in time, but that didn’t happen for us, and now I’ve known all kinds of people longer than I ever knew him. Ha, I’ve even known you for longer, actually. So is that it? Is that all the love story I get?”

“I doubt it. You’re only twenty-six. You can’t quit and become a retired pond swan yet.”

“Can’t I? Why not?”

“Because that would be a shame.”

She sighed. She looked him in the eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t poke it, but she couldn’t resist. Part of her didn’t want to know. Part of her wanted to keep this cherished fantasy alive, because without that, what else would she have? But the other part of her, the part that hoped, was stupid. “Why? Why would it be a shame?”

“Maria, you know you’re great.”

“Oh, like, ‘you have a really great personality’ kind of great?”

“You do have a great personality. But that’s not all.”

“Okay, I’m a good friend, too? The plain-looking plucky friend who’s a little bit funny, in a good way.”

“Maria. You’re not plain-looking.”

“What am I missing here?”

“You know, I’m not a reliable kind of guy.”

“That’s not nice to think about yourself.”

“You can think nice things about a person if you want, but that doesn’t make them true.”

“So tell me why.”

“Colette is right to be pissed at me. I wasn’t around after she had the boys, and it took me years to take any real responsibility. But then I tried. I’ve been trying for years. And I love them, but now I’ve been trying to figure out how to leave.”

“Leave Colette?”

“Leave, everything. I mean, it’s not like I want to leave my boys, but she’d never let me take them. So what am I supposed to do? Maybe I could take them sometimes. But I just need to go, you know?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Well, there’s this thing I booked in Nevada, but that’s not all. Because after that, I’m going to Japan. And after that, I want to hike the Pacific Crest Trail—that’s more than a long weekend, it takes half a year! I want to see Argentina, and Alaska, and Europe. Just, everywhere. I want to be free to go. To work how I want and go when I want and break out of all these boxes.” He may have sounded flippant at first, but as he went on, his tone took a sharp turn toward desperation. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know it sounds bad, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it, you know, being that kind of guy. The kind of guy who has all his shit together. Because all I really want to do is figure out how to just get away from it all.”

“Oh. I get it.”

“But do you?” He shook his head. “See, I didn’t want you to feel like this. I mean, this isn’t because of you. Because, if I was meant for that normal kind of life—”

“No, it’s okay. I get it.” Maybe Maria understood, intellectually, but it felt too much like rejection in this moment, in this night with the pond swans and the holographic hearts. It hit worse than rejection. There was a finality to it. How could you ever be with someone who wanted to be so detached? There was less than the slim chance of hope she thought she’d been holding onto. She shouldn’t have poked. “I… I have to go finish a tofu saltimbocca.”

“Wait, Maria.”

And, she suspected, she needed to run to the pantry to have a little cry.

— from “my sweetheart #4: someone else’s wedding” (3/3)

Next ->

[lkfarrout]

What Happened Last Summer (18+) Chapter 11

This is the last chapter I have written for now - I'll probably keep writing stuff for this fic but it will be more spraced out and hey, if not, I'm pretty happy with this as an ending

Find the beginning here: Chapter 1

“Thanks again for closing up for me, dudes.”

“Yeah yeah, Soos, go home before I change my mind.” Stan began counting the cash in the register. Kathy picked up a broom, and Soos was out the door. 

“How’s business at the motel? Are you makin’ enough just bein’ open on the weekends?”

“Oh yeah, it’s been great. We’re always full.”

He continued to flick through the cash, "And you’re putin’ money away for the off season, right?”

“As much as I can. I’ve heard winters here can be pretty slow.”

Stan chuckled, “Not just slow – dead. I’m sure Greasy’s does fine with the locals, but for places like ours, it’s not even worth payin’ to keep the lights on.”

Kathy paused her sweeping, “Stanley, can I ask you something?”

“Anything, toots.”

“What did you do all those winters up here by yourself, if the shack was closed?”

Stan shrugged, “Well I had the portal to work on, of course. Had to learn all that math stuff, and needed all the time I could get. Still get nightmares about doin’ derivatives.” He chuckled, but Kathy stayed quiet. She knew better than to interrupt Stan when he talked about this – it didn’t happen very often. When the time came around to let her in on the family’s past, Dipper and Ford had done most of the talking. 

Stan continued, “If the snow wasn’t too bad I’d go out to get firewood and look for the other journals. Always told myself I should get away for a few weeks and go somewhere warm. Went to Vegas a few times but it never lasted, guess I felt guilty for leaving Ford behind too long. Felt weird spending all that money too. Livin’ in your car for a couple years will do that – you just never feel like you have enough.” He continued to focus on the money in front of him. She wondered if he could really count and talk at the same time, or if he was just keeping his hands busy. “I guess the only time that was really hard was the… y’know, anniversary.” Stan coughed, “And the holidays. ‘Course I was already used to spendin’ them alone, even before comin’ to–” 

The broom slipped from Kathy's grasp and clattered to the floor. She scrambled to pick it up, hoping Stan wouldn’t notice the tears starting to form in her eyes – but to no avail. He dropped the money half-hazardly and hurried over to her.

“Hey, why’re you cryin’?” He gently lifted her chin, bringing her eyes to meet his. With the other hand, he pulled the broom away and let it fall back to the floor. 

He pulled her into a hug. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, pumpkin. It’s all okay now,” he reassured her. But at the same time, he squeezed her tighter, like she might run away if he let go. “I’m okay now, don’t cry.”

They held each other for a long, quiet moment. Finally, Stan loosened his grasp around her and wiped a few tears from her cheek. 

“Hey, did I ever tell you about where Ford ‘n I docked on Christmas?” 

Kathy shook her head with a few sniffles and they both resumed their tasks.

Stan made a slow, dramatic sweep of his hands overhead, “Picture it: the beautiful little seaside town of Sitka, Alaska, white with snow…”

[fnrrfygmschnish]

Over the weekend I was watching a Drawfee video where the city of Nome, AK was mentioned.

I already knew Nome existed, but for some reason hearing it specifically phrased as "Nome, Alaska" immediately gave me this idea and shortly afterward I went ahead and drew it.

[zquill]

2024 Resolutions

I can't deny the blend of eagerness and trepidation I felt (and feel) at moving to a remote area of Alaska. On the one hand I fear giving in to my isolationist tendencies, using my setting as an excuse. On the other, I'm really looking forward to having time to myself to focus on reading, art, and languages (I'm one cut Internet cable away from complete self-realization/utter insanity).

Complete my Calligrapha journal. Self-explanatory.

Develop steady habits. This is more vague, but there are a host of things, like yoga and embroidery, that I'd like to work on more consistently than I have. I'll certainly have the time for it given my new situation.

Improve my posture. Also self-explanatory.

Read as many of these books as I can, with a goal of 95 total on Goodreads, not including Kirkus reviews:

(I do have a small bookshelf ordered that should be arriving soon to help contain this sprawl.)

To supplement the above desire for sustained habits, I'm also going to try doing themed days/nights:

New Movie Monday. Compensating for what I know will be a complete dearth of motivation on Monday nights, I'm going with a softball that will nevertheless challenge me to consume new (to me) media once a week rather than just watching the same films and shows over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I may expand this category to include shows.

Translation Tuesday. To work on the above featured stacks of manga and Japanese novels. I considered making going for the N1 in December a resolution, and I would like to start studying for that, but I'm not quite ready to commit myself. Maybe for 2025.

Embroidery Wednesday (there went the alliteration). To give myself a chance to catch up on podcasts/audiobooks, and to allow me time to return to those visual media I'm already well familiar with, as well as actually pick up this hobby again.

Inupiaq Thursday. There's apparently a beginner/intermediate class that meets Thursday nights right next to the library, so I'm going to check that out starting this week. We also have textbooks at the library and other resources.

Artsy Fartsy Friday (yay, the alliteration's back!). I'm back to a planner that leaves a large blank page every week that needs filling up, so I'll end the work week by doing just that with pencil sketches, ink drawings, and other doodles.

Social Saturday. This is my day to chat with family and friends, and there's a fabric arts group that meets the first Saturday of the month that I'd like to try attending. There's apparently also a thrift store that's open on the weekends if I can find a way to get to it.

Salubrious Sunday. Just a day to chill out before the start of the week while taking care of necessary domestic things like meal-planing and prep (laundry will be on Monday because I've already noticed a rush on the washing machine and dryer on weekends). This will also be the day my reviews tend to come due, so definitely a day for reading/writing.

We'll see how pairing resolutions with an ideal weekly schedule goes.