#Well tbf sometimes the views are in movies

[drumlincountry]

Every summer* I get paid money to walk around in some of the most breathtaking & iconic parts of the Irish landscape and I can't show you ANY photos because I would be sooooooooooooooo doxxable. There's breathtaking beauty out there I prommy.

[notquitedeadpod]

What do you think about interview with the vampire (both the books and series)?

As briefly mentioned in my audio essay Based Vampirification, I got pretty into the movie when I was a teen, and then read a couple of the books.

I'm going to waffle for a bit about this, so I'll put it under the cut. CW discussions of blood, sex, and rock and roll. No really.

Spoilers for: IwtV, Queen of the Damned

TL;DR: dead blood is stupid; let gay vampires fuck; i want to put Lestat under a microscope

Please note in addition that the following is all just my opinion and should not be taken as anything but such.

There are some interesting limitations on the vampires in that series, and some things I find frustrating about their mechanics. What is, for example, 'dead blood'? This is a nonsensical concept. It does feel vaguely folkloric to me, and I think primarily is there to explain why vampires don't simply drink the blood of the recently deceased. It irritates me. They lean towards being more magical beings and that's okay, but the introduction of such a mechanism as 'dead blood' troubles that and implies-- it just annoys me. We'll be here all week if I go on.

I also find it frustrating that they can't fuck. There's a lot of discomfort about the idea of two men having sex, and the mechanical changes which happen when an Anne Rice vampire turns canonically (in the books) mean he can't get it up in most instances. Whilst I don't think sex between two cis queer men begins and ends with dicks, discomfort about this precise thing is rife, so I find it annoying that these are men who are unable to connect in this way not through choice, and with biting and drinking each others blood - acts of violence and exploitation - serving as a substitution. This stands in sharp contrast to Lestat's escapades with Vampire God Queen Akasha, where he goes out of his way to specifically note that sometimes male vampires CAN get it up.

This is all troubling to me for what it infers about how the text views mlm vs wlm romantic and sexual connections. It should also be made clear that whilst the recent TV adaptation shows Louis and Lestat as explicitly queer in text, in the OG IwtV, this was not overt and space was left for doubt as to the real nature of their relationship. This is partly because of when the novel was written, but it also strikes me as pretty cowardly.

I've enjoyed what I have seen of the recent TV adaptation. I'm interested in how it's exploring the toxic back and forth between Lestat and Louis, and how it makes explicit a lot of things which were left implicit in the book and in prior adaptations. I really like that they've taken the choice to make Louis black, too. Textually this is really fascinating for his character. I think he's extraordinarily well cast as Louis and is now the default Louis I picture in my head. Plus I'm always thrilled when an adaptation takes the initiative to include more people of colour in major roles.

I find Lestat as a character MOST intriguing. He's unpleasant, abusive, and entitled. He goes on to become a rock star and attempts to out vampires to the human world and I'm fucking obsessed with that as a concept, have been for years. He's a horrible little man, and I love that for him. So does he, tbf. He's properly vile. I really enjoy it, not because I think his actions are good but because I enjoy watching him be horribly wrong. It's fun for me.

Anyway there are my fairly comprehensive thoughts on Anne Rice's vampires as far as I know them.

Hope this was illuminating!!

--- Eira xxx

[just-your-average-cryptid]

I feel like the reason some fandoms get so hostile and cannibalize each other over ship wars and callout chains is that they’ve stalled their “complex media analysis” growth.

I mean think about it. Most kid’s shows deal with pretty simple concepts like “sharing is good!” and “lying is wrong!”, very black and white takes on very easy-to-understand issues. There’s some notable exceptions, especially in more teen-focused media (ATLA being a prime example for genocide and the complex reality of war,) but generally speaking everything is surface-level escapism with easy morals.

Compare that to more “adult” media and the mindset is wildly different. The themes are way more complex, the morals are grayer and blurrier, there’s symbolism and metaphors and all that good deep-level stuff.

Crucially, though, the latter requires you to engage with it beyond observation.

If you’ve been in online fandom spaces, especially on (shudder) Twitter, you’ve seen the damage of “the curtains were just blue!” So many people just refuse to engage with media beyond the surface level. Everything is escapism, because what other purpose do stories serve? And in that mindset, anything complex or gray means you support those actions and ideas, because you’re escaping to a world where this happens. Media is supposed to turn your brain off for a bit, not force you to grapple with the horrors of our society and question the views you uphold. Analysis is to find the One True Interpretation and lord it over everyone else.

In case you couldn’t tell, that last bit was sarcastic.

So you have a bunch of people only looking at the surface level and only engaging with the material as entertainment, as something you watch for fun and nothing else.

This isn’t to say this is all of fandom - for my fellow good omens fans, please keep analyzing every second for more devastating fascinating details. But I’ve seen enough secondhand complaints from people I follow and screenshots to know this is a real issue for a lot of online fandoms.

No, a character doing a Bad Thing does not inherently mean the author/creator supports the bad thing. Yes, even if the protagonist does it.

Neither characters nor real people are purely good or evil. Stop trying to make that true, it never will be.

On that note, sometimes very nice-looking people do horrible things and still act nicely to others. Sometimes people who seem very cold are the kindest you’ll ever meet. First impressions are not the full picture, in fiction or reality.

(Abusers are very, very good at seeming like such nice people to everyone else.)

Yeah, some stories are just brainless entertainment. But you should still be critical - actually critical, not criticizing, there’s a huge difference - of what you see and what you think. Sometimes it IS that deep. And writers love when you notice the breadcrumbs! It means they did their jobs well :)

If you’re not sure where to start, try stuff like this:

What visuals or ideas are repeated? Could it be a symbol or motif?

Why does this action seem “out of character?” Is there anything from their past/background that might provide context to what they did? (Tbf, this one can just as easily be “we don’t care about continuity, this is a Marvel movie”)

What is the arc for this character? How do they change or evolve? Alternatively, why don’t they change?

What real-world issues could this be a proxy for? What does it say about the creator’s views?

[bisluthq]

Taylor out here decked in chiefs merch banging on the window for her bf and maylors (and haylors! They are on their own bullshit about the figure in her ufo dress referencing the 2 Ghosts video) think she is sending secret “signals” with her clothes. People obsessed with conspiracies ignore the plain facts in front of them ig 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes things just are exactly what they appear to be and that is ok!!!

I beg these people to go outside because it’d just be so utterly bonkers to do the things they suggest? Like not just “wow that’s a fucking crazy thing to do” (like real world Tatty) but straight up “lobotomies aren’t always a bad thing” tbh.

my one theory for this type of crack shipping is that they don’t realize celebs are real life human beings (which tbf seems like a problem for other fans too like people who get all defensive about what are pretty obvious and glaring white lies yk and shit like that) and apply the rules of like TV shows/movies to humans? So a TV show may indeed egg a couple or storyline to viewers with subtle clues (and sometimes even there fans see things creators didn’t intend but whatever like the theories are often cool) but that’s because it’s FICTIONAL MEDIA right that is CREATED by people. People MAKE IT UP so they do want to suggest/foreshadow/offer callbacks to deepen the viewing experience.

But celebs are real people who DON’T OPERATE THAT WAY.

and I’ve said this before and had people yell at me about how Taylor said she leaves eggs in her clothes and she ABSOLUTELY DOES right like her VMAs outfits in 2022 were both Midnights related right and that hadn’t come out yet but she was egging bejeweled and Midnights in general. And the funky gloves and choker and boots vibe for this VMAs may well be a REP TV egg (while also in keeping with TTPD era which the UFO dress is a clear cut reference to). THAT is what she meant by “leaving eggs in clothes” not weird obscure references to exes that not even the exes themselves would get. ALSO, and I feel very strongly about this, Taylor’s “eggs” in her clothes are in my VERY firm opinion reserved for work functions. I don’t think her candids or random party pics send ANY clues to fans AT ALL except by coincidence because again that’d just be a very insane way to live your life. Not quite as insane as the ex thing but still super insane to be like “I’m going to dinner with some friends, let me think quickly what I can wear that’ll send a message to fans” yk????

[overclocksaa]

anon / Was Jarvis like Alfred to Tony? I always thought Jarvis came late into Tony’s life. He is not super old in the comics. 

tbf, anon, tony’s only in his late 30s/early 40s in the comics, he’s not at all like his mcu counterpart, became iron man at 22/23, so think about it that way.

so, full disclosure:  what i know of dc period comes from the michael keaton batman movies, the animated series, the arkham games, and that one time i read killing joke.  i just have never really gotten into dc the way i did marvel so my knowledge of alfred as a whole is very limited.

however, i can tell you about edwin jarvis, because i love him.

so, edwin jarvis is very much alive in 616.  these days he’s semi-retired, and has featured a whole bunch in the unstoppable wasp with nadia and jan (nadia often refers to him as her grandfather), and pops in and out of avengers stuff still.  here are some basic facts about him:

+ born in brooklyn (he’s not british) + joined the raf and stayed for many years + was hired on by the starks at the very least when tony was a wee baby + takes care of his aging, ailing mother whomst he refers to as a battleship because she’s pretty tough + is considered an avengers member because he’s served in some capacity or another for years and years + has had adventures all on his own + loves elizabethan poetry + loves literature in general + was once replaced by a skrull and kidnapped luke cage and jessica jones’ baby, dani

jarvis as a whole has basically been a part of tony’s life since he was very small.  he and maria both fought howard on sending tony to boarding school when he was seven, he was the one who read tony bedtime stories and encouraged his creativity with his building (which tony discovered at age five).  we see lots of flashbacks from tony’s youth that contain jarvis and in every one he’s serving in a parental role because - again, not disparaging maria stark - but tony had very absent parents otherwise.  he’s very obviously been an influence on tony as a person for a very long time, and it’s presented without outright stating that he and tony are to be viewed as family.  the formality of him calling tony mr. stark is really just for formality’s sake, when you come right down to it.  but anyway, jarvis was the main parental figure in young tony’s life and he’s the one that stuck with tony when his parents died once he’d reached adulthoood and took over the company.

jarvis has also served in a support role for all of the avengers since day one.  he’s been there for every major avengers event in their history, waiting at the curtain’s edge with coffee and aspirin as needed, and sometimes has been swept up in the calamity, as well.  people who say jarvis is just a butler may not see that he is that, yes, but he’s also been a confidant, source of support, an understanding and sympathetic ear, a moral goalpost for those that have needed it, and a keeper of secrets.  and he does it while managing to feed a superhero army and distribute the mail properly to each member.  basically what i’m saying is that while jarvis is in a support role, sure, he’s just as much an avenger as any superhero that’s walked through the mansion or tower doors, and he’s had just as much an influence on their history as any costumed member.  i can’t think of an avenger that doesn’t love him, even clint.  even if clint did used to do 6am flybys on his house with a quinjet.

[trashcat-hiss]

An informed rant about the resolution of the SU movie:

Just gonna put this on main blog rather than a more focused side blog:

So like, SU MOVIE SPOILERS OKAY

... as a person who is still split and really, really fucked up by childhood trauma and neglect and who did 15 years of work and research and two degrees in mental health attempting to fix this shit...

... probably should mention that I almost destroyed my life and lost tens of thousands of dollars of my -partner's money- (yeah, not just my own resources but theirs too) trying to pull my fucked up birth family together this May after I was inspired by how "easy" it was for Steven to get White Diamond to hear reason. Yeah, not all toxic families are gonna respond the same way, whodathunk? Not to completely invalidate the story, bc it's a valid thing to try... but not all birth families are gonna heal with you, no matter how much you practice relationships with your found family beforehand. For sure, try it, but like... Cope Ahead (to use DBT lingo) just in case. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if your birth family doesn't react like Steven's. He's a fictional character, and also his story is just one story; he can't possibly represent all of us.

lemme just say that the SU movie was extremely difficult to watch, I experienced a lot of flashback. If you have any flavor of disorder (Dxed or not) stemming from neglect/abandonment, abuse, etc (Spinel + the scythe + her song lyrics are relatable to CPTSD, BPD, DID, OSDD, etc) _PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE_ try and make sure you've got the spoons for viewing (and some hasty processing) and if you have support watch it with them (though other people seeing you switch or otherwise react is it's own issue tbf).

And here's the thing I need to get off my chest:

AS A SURVIVOR AND AS A PROFESSIONAL BOTH I FUCKING HATE THE RESOLUTION.

There, I said it.

Rebecca, you just sent an abused person who had her first fuckin breakthrough BACK INTO THE ARMS OF THREE ABUSERS. The Diamonds are obviously still learning how to be less shitty, still codependent af, and the likelihood of Spinel -learning how to be a good friend- from the Diamonds is, well, p fucking slim.

Sure, playing matchy-match with people's codependencies is a convenient way to not have to deal with Spinel on a day-to-day basis. Yes, she's clingy and is probably gonna still have rage outbursts/all the other flavors of trauma reactions bc flashbacks and emotional flashbacks (often in CPTSD our bodies remember the feeling of a scary event but not the actual events like one does in PTSD--in CPTSD we tend to have both, and I'm having more of the latter as I heal tbh).

Spinel CANNOT learn to be a better friend or learn how to handle her outbursts without consistent friends maintaining boundaries. This is what this ending misses completely. When you're surviving hell, you don't learn appropriate communication skills. She needs to learn them now; new skills don't just appear, they take lots of practice and slips are gonna happen along the way. REAL friends will both try to understand why we have outbursts but will also learn to define their own boundaries with us because honestly they don't deserve our abuse. It's a delicate balance, but there really are people in the world who will stand with us when we try our best, even when sometimes our best is not very good. These people are the ones who help me see why I want to do better in the first place.

Spinel's early life consisted of MAKE PINK HAPPY, which, as we see, doesn't leave her with her own sense of meaning or purpose without Pink.

Those of us healing deep childhood trauma need role models of HEALTHY relationships, we really do need to be adopted in a way by people who can Show Up but who can also place a healthy divide between themselves and us. We have to physically experience many, many, many times that there are people in the world who (for example) can hang out with other friends without us AND will return to hang out with us. We have to learn that there are people in the world who will actually not abuse us or take advantage of us.

Overcoming Learned Helplessness is hard work and we can't do it alone. Spinel needs to see people like the Gems living their own lives, each with their own meaning and drive. (imho a good sitdown with the B-team could really help. Bismuth also was "abandoned" by Pink but since she was already a Gem at the time (ie an adult) she has been able to recover a little more quickly--still probably some similar feelings to relate and talk about managing, esp anger; Lapis really struggles with her trauma responses, too, but in the end she remembered the people who Actually Showed Up for her and she's finally feeling like she has a home--but she likely still managing her fear and she could explain how she moves through it in order to keep her home; Peridot also showed up to Earth with an abuse-informed purpose (conquering) but through Gems (and humans) taking their time and learning to be kind to her and DEMONSTRATING healthy friendship, she's a great, loyal friend and a rad inventor-artist. Remember how racist and kinda shitty Peridot was when she first showed up? She didn't know better, and she does now because people took the time to actually talk to her. She still has moments where her fear rumination makes her freeze, but now we see people actually engage her about those fears so she can overcome them and move into action.

(tangent: Peridot is coded as autistic, and in my personal experience and secondarily in my old career of meeting people in the mental health realm, autistic people and those with CPTSD have a lot of similar work to do as far as having to teach themselves how to person bc we didn't learn the thing naturally--esp in the arenas of emotional regulation and social communication. Some of us are both autistic AND traumatized. If you relate mostly to the B-team Gems, check out skills developed by both of these communities. The actuallyautistic community has been a fucking awesome resource for new ideas and skills, and honestly I find a lot of relief in reading stuff under a lot of the actually tags, like actuallytraumatized... relief in knowing I'm not alone in this.)

NO ONE HEALS IN A VOID.

I'm just... really frustrated and angry that Spinel went from one abuser to another set of abusers, because that's VERY often what happens to us survivors irl. The Diamonds have shit for boundaries, they're still trying to take Steven on all the guilt trips and they're still classist/racist af. Better, definitely, bc they do eventually respect Steven's imposed boundary of not wanting to live with them... but man am I scared that Spinel is headed right back into the garden, so to speak.

Sorry if this is disjointed or rambling or incomplete, I still stan SU overall but as someone who is healing and has -some- words to talk about these feelings, I thought I should put them out in the world instead of bottling them up. Even the most wonderful things can be flawed: Radical Acceptance.

[beevean]

Yeah, certain fandoms are truly dying down and well, at least here on Tumblr I think its "culture" was partly involved because in their "view of purity" they kind of disgruntled everyone. Callout over Callout happened. And like you said MLP was associated with 4chan, if I remember right sometimes together with /pol/. After the last Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter began slowly to vanish I mean, I barely heard anyone talking about "Harry Potter and the cursed child" I think was the name of it.

Well, there was the case with the undertale fanartist getting a cookie with a needle in it as far as I can remember. But, I don't know if this was every confirmed if it happened over a ship or due of the fandom or whatsoever.

The only fandom that I'm aware that "truly" died down peacefully was Night in the Woods. It was never a big fandom to begin with but like, there was as far as I know no major outcry or callout or "drama" involved in it.

Tumblr is kinda famous for hyping up things and then tearing them down :\ everything that has been big on Tumblr was then deemed problematic eventually. HP, SU, Voltron, Undertale, Dream Daddy... She-Ra apparently is also in danger of joining in the ranks. And then you have fucking Twilight that has become a guilty pleasure for some, for reasons that I have still not quite understood

tbf from what i’ve heard of cursed child it was stupid at best so i can understand why people ignored it :p i refuse to accept that lord voldemort has fucked in canon

I think the cookie incident was because the artist shipped Sans and Frisk, and in fact I do remember people thinking that they deserved it because they shipped a pedophiliac ship, which... yeah. Also I remember discourse about Frisk’s and Chara’s gender, about Fontcest, and I’m sure there were other things that I removed from my memory. But I still think Undertale’s fandom died not because of cringe or discourse but mainly because there was nothing left to do with it

Ahhh thank you for mentioning NITW! I know I was forgetting something, haha. Yeah, the hype behind that game was sadly short-lived, but at least the fandom was super chill afaik, that’s always nice

I think another fandom that has slipped peacefully into a coma is Gravity Falls too. I watched it a little while after it ended but I can’t remember any scandal attached to it, it ended on a good note and it’s still remembered fondly

[finefeatheredfriend]

Genocide! (the book. not like. actual genocide.)

Okay so it’s been a while since I posted one of my EDA reviews, and it’s been a while since I read this particular book (because I’ve been at a place where they don’t have wifi for about two months now so I couldn’t post it (since for some reason I always post these from the laptop but yeah ANYWAY.)) but here is another one of my weird reviews/liveblog things! 

This time, it’s Genocide! And I think, if I remember correctly, I liked this one. Well. I mean. Jo is in this one, so of course I liked it. Anyway! I’m gonna read these reactions I had while reading this book now (cause my memory is awful and I literally remember nothing except that Jo was in it lol) and then maybe I’ll be able to tell you how I liked it!

As usual, here are my favourite bits of reactions/quotes/scenes/impressions from when I read this, and the full liveblog will be under the cut! Enjoy my rambly thoughts!

AAAH the Doctor’s pretending he got his outfit from 1893 but Sam saw the label and knows it’s from a costume store I’m screaming

I love that Sam made a scaling system because every single situation with the Doctor is dangerous so the question is no longer ‘is this situation dangerous?’ but ‘how dangerous is this situation’ hahaha i love her

‘We all have to be daleks sometimes. It’s just a matter of knowing when you really don’t have a choice’ - Doctor (ooooh I love this line) 

“Do you know what it's like, Doctor? To watch them die, to hear them die, and know that there's nothing you can do to stop it?” STOP IT of course he knows!!! now I’m crying :(

[Cliff] LEFT JO???? who would ever want to leave JO??? I mean. now she’s finally free to marry sexy yates instead so I guess that’s fine BUT WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND

I know this was before storm warning came out and probably references something entirely different but still, THE UNCREATOR

wait a minute did jo just go and lift rowenna and is now running while carrying her??? uh she’s... strong

oh god how I hope there’s an easier alternative in which no species gets killed off :( ....... eileen this book is literally called genocide

“So you are human.' 'No, not exactly, but that doesn't matter.” Doctor... what... ‘not exactly’?

Jo and Sam have been alone for 6 days??? I mean, 5 and a half hours were bad for Rose, sure, but that has nothing on being stranded without the Doctor 2 million years in the past, in Africa, for six bloody days omg

aaaah the Doctor can hear Jo’s screams from millions of years in the future (Doctor x Jo confirmed)

I can’t believe Jo of all people would kill all those aliens! like... that’s genocide. just. I don’t believe it. not Jo. she’d never

Okay, so here’s my thoughts about the book: I loved it! The fact that we’ve got a non humanoid species here (that I at first thought were Nimons - imagine my disappointment when I found out they weren’t) is so interesting, learning all about them (they have a smell alphabet?? that’s so cool) is so... interesting (yeah, this book is interesting, I know I say that a lot lol). And Jo. asdfgdasflgadgs. I love her. Having her there definitely made the whole book better, though in my opinion I would have really enjoyed the book so much even if she weren’t in it. The only sad thing is that we didn’t get to see her off. She was just gone suddenly! But I loved the book nonetheless.

Okay, you know the drill. Under the cut you’ll find my unabridged reactions that I wrote down while reading! I bolded what I put in the highlights reel. 

okaaay this is interesting

I’m confused but it’s interesting

and I love that framing story line they’ve got going with that alien and the Doctor in what i think is a cell of some sort..?

ok I spoiled myself that jo is in this one (I was bummed that it wasn’t a surprise BUT I’m more excited that she even is in this book so I don’t care AAH MY WIFE IS IN THIS!!)

ok :/ so the aliens aren’t nimons :/

UNIT!!! I mean I don’t know what the alien’s plan is, but they mentioned UNIT!!

“more of his stuff was fake than he was generally prepared to admit” jfjdhdhdg

AAAH the Doctor’s pretending he got his outfit from 1893 but Sam saw the label and knows it’s from a costume store I’m screaming

aaaaah they mention my boy oscar wilde!!

“When he got there he looked over his shoulder and flashed her a smile. 'Guess.' No good, thought Sam. I've been out-cooled again. But I'll get him, one day. If it's the last thing I do.” jdhdhdhgd i love her (and him)

aw no his shoes being sucked into the swamp and he got really sad because grace gave him those shoes and now he wants to repair them at all costs!!

“Something was usually wrong. It was really a matter of scale. Sam had started to rate them in scores out of ten: for instance, (1) the Doctor had misdirected the TARDIS, (5) he'd landed them in the middle of a war zone, or (10) he'd accidentally destroyed the universe.” hahahaha and the situation they’re in is a 2.5, that doesn’t sound too bad haha

“Get back inside!' ordered the Doctor. 'I am inside,' said Sam simply. 'You're not.” Doctor i love you

okaaay we’re slowly raising the danger score point by point and are now at 3.5

hm ok so Sam determined that they are on earth where the invasion had already happened and humans are extinct just by seeing a river and thinking ‘oh yeah, could be the right size to be the thames’ like ??? how do you think you can say all that for sure from guessing that maybe that river you see there is a similar size to that of the Thames

‘even simplicity itself is never as simple as it seems’

oooh I wouldn’t want the Doctor to tell me off I couldn’t stand to have him be disappointed in me

‘We all have to be daleks sometimes. It’s just a matter of knowing when you really don’t have a choice’ - Doctor (ooooh I love this line)

“Wine's bad for your liver, you know.' Rowenna grinned at Julie. 'So are candy bars.' 'I ate a slice of pizza first!' 'Case proven.” I snorted

MY BABY

THEY’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT JO

wait Rowenna was one of those people in the green death living with cliff????

flying lizards?? flying lizards????? you mean dragons??

earth reptile... a Silurian??

I love how this book is about non humanoid aliens, we rarely see that

“Do you know what it's like, Doctor? To watch them die, to hear them die, and know that there's nothing you can do to stop it?” STOP IT of course he knows!!! now I’m crying :(

JO

MY BABY

SHE!!!!

she’s here

finally

she has a son!! I mean we know she’s got a lot of grandkids but still!!

wait

“leaning across the cold sheets that she'd probably always think of as Cliffs side of the bed” this sounds like he died

he LEFT

he LEFT JO???? who would ever want to leave JO??? I mean. now she’s finally free to marry sexy yates instead so I guess that’s fine

BUT

who would leave jo??????

Cliff gave her an anniversary present AFTER HE LEFT HER??? what

BENTON

“ "Kilgai, Tanzania. Incident class N",' she read. 'What's class N?' 'They divide incidents up into Y for "Yes, it does immediately threaten the existence of the human race" and N for "No, it doesn't".” BENTON you... joker

oooh that’s a an interesting kind of book, these aliens have a smell alphabet? and read by sniffing or tasting the different scents..?

and the Doctor can read those books as well omg

the uNCREATOR

I know this was before storm warning came out and probably references something entirely different but still, THE UNCREATOR

wait but in storm warning they weren’t called tractites right

oh no those were triscele or whatever

oh I hate this

why do the tractites have to be so nice :( I don’t want them all to die :(

then again it’s a nice change away from the usual ‘these aliens are bad and that’s why we need to kill them’ that happens in all the other movies or shows

oh Sam can read those books too so apparently it’s not just a special power the Doctor has

please sam do NOT try to stop the Doctor from setting history right

yes those aliens are nice

but please

“A galaxy long, long ago and far, far away.” aaaah

“She wondered if she was walking into a trap. She'd always been good at that.” you’re surprisingly self aware jo

this is SUCH an interesting story?!?? like... kitig has to decide whether to kill the Doctor because he might destroy them all (which tbf the Doctor is actually planning to do) BUT THEN he decides to help him when he gets ill!!!

“Jo turned round, said calmly, 'Shut up, I'm talking to my friend,' then turned back to Rowenna. 'Don't worry about him, he's nobody. Have you seen the aliens yet?” Jo I fucking love you jsdjsjsggs

wait a minute did jo just go and lift rowenna and is now running while carrying her??? uh she’s... strong

oh god how I hope there’s an easier alternative in which no species gets killed off :(

eileen this book is literally called genocide

stop pretending everything is going to be fine

Jo is badass in this one and I love her

ARE THEY GONNA MEET NOW

I need the doctor and jo to meet

AAAAAH they really are heading for Africa too!!!!!! THEY’RE GOING TO MEET

the Doctor is wearing a white cloth sun-hat ahahahah

ok so both Sam and Jo are walking around the desert now and I’m guessing those two are going to meet first

aaaah the Doctor found rowenna and Julie!!!!

TRUST ME I’M A DOCTOR asdgdhhsgs why does he always have to say that haha

Awww he’s so happy that Jo is around there too

NOOOOOO ROWENNA

NOOO I was like ‘oh that’s jo saving Sam from the homo habilis right?? Hahaha!’ BUT IT’S THAT DICK JACOB

aw the Doctor buried them in the butterfly room

“So you are human.' 'No, not exactly, but that doesn't matter.” Doctor... what... ‘not exactly’?

“the floppy Indiana Jones hat and the purple striped pullover that looked ten years out of date, even for someone of Jo's advanced age” that sounds so like jo haha

“Yes, sorry, I do look a bit of a wreck. Don't worry, I can control the pain. Old Gallifreyan technique.” ooh another interesting bit of info about gallifreyan physiology - that is, if the Doctor isn’t lying to reassure Kitig he’s fine

Noooooo not the TARDIS!!!!!!

Jo and Sam have been alone for 6 days??? I mean, 5 and a half hours were bad for Rose, sure, but that has nothing on being stranded without the Doctor 2 million years in the past, in Africa, for six bloody days omg

Ha Sam, that teaches you to underestimate the absolute angel that is Jo Grant (don’t judge her by her clothes, Sam. this woman has lived on campsites and faced off aliens and is just overall an absolute angel.)

oh god I hate Jacob. but he’s surprisingly self aware (‘if humankind are all like me then no wonder their world will fall apart,’ he thinks while literally drinking an antelope’s blood directly from the neck)

NO JOOOO pls be alright aaah she just fell down the cliff????

aaaah there’s Sam and Theta written into the rock!!!! THETA!!!!

NOOOO SAM

don’t die please

I mean I kind of know you’re not going to die because I know you’ll be there for a bit longer

BUT STILL

DON’T DIE

oh no!!! the TARDIS is like she was in Father’s Day noooo

aaaah the Doctor can hear Jo’s screams from millions of years in the future (Doctor x Jo confirmed)

no

the TARDIS changed????? but she was perfect like that :(

oh wait hahahaha that was just Jo’s point of view it’s still the same thank god

and the vw beetle is just parked right there in the console room hahahahaha

“Outside, the Doctor was running down a grassy slope, fire exploding to the left and right of him. 'Usual situation,' said Jo wryly, running for the door.” jshajsghshsdha I love them

Noooooo axeman!!!!

Oh god Sam no

what have you done

Don’t just kill :(

oh no not Jo as well

I’m crying oh god JO

I can’t believe Jo of all people would kill all those aliens

like... that’s genocide

just. I don’t believe it. not Jo. she’d never

hehehe the empress reminds him of Davros

I love how he just whispers with Sam while the empress is speaking and clearly looking at them lol

aw kitig saved the world from the time tree

Sam you have to tell him!!! and not when he’s asleep!!! (what is it with people telling other people important things while that person is unconscious ugh!!)

wait what happened to jo?? we didn’t get to see her off!!!

And that’s all! Hope you enjoyed this!

[kilohren]

idk how tumblr works anymore so sorry for replying and reblogging lmao but i totally get your point! tbf i mean there are 6 comic books that they drew one movie from, so it’s hard to look at many of the comic strips and think they could fit into something they had to mush and edit so much for time. and i would totally agree w you that the character of scott is in some degree cut and sewed together to make for a more cinematic-familiar character, which in turn gets lost under a lot of nuance that i don’t think necessarily fits the tone of the movie in a way that it’s as obvious as it is in the comics, yknow? i think that the translation from books to screen definitely did the characters a disservice and made it easier to see scott as the hero, i’m totally with ya there, but i do think that the underlying plot of scott being a shitty shitty person is still there in a way that still is quite true to the original story. but also!!!! we can agree to disagree and genuinely that is super cool as well!!!!! and honestly thank u for sharing ur opinion i can get so bogged down in my love for it it’s easy to forget how other ppl view it sometimes!!!!

never not angry about how the scott pilgrim comics were like funny and well written and had scott’s character arc revolve around him realizing that he couldn’t keep going through life making up false narratives to absolve himself of blame and that he has to step up and take responsibility for his actions and how the movie completely erased all of that and made the message “scott gets a girlfriend due to being awesome and liking video games and being in a band” and now scott pilgrim is like a patron saint of the exact kind of shitty indie dude his character was a criticism of

[thelambsofiscariot]

💘 - What is your muse like in ships (Gradeus? Because Gradeus and Tao is... a weird ship... but I dunno I'm starting to ship it)

[ A shipping meme for muse told by the mun // Gradeus in general and Tao + Gradeus ]

💘 - What is your muse like in ships

I’m laughing because this was sent in just when I was thinking about the fact that Tao and Gradeus really need to break but… but anyway here we go.

Tags @techtao for this because literally it makes no sense otherwise… also you can track all of Gradeus’ serial killer AU (the one where he gets with Tao) under {Hell’s Bloodied Rage || verse || ain’t no rest for the wicked… til’ we close our eyes for good} .

Long tag, I know, but it’s relevant.

Warning for: mild sexism + misogyny (on Gradeus’ part not mine), some mentions of abuse, please check my tags for the content warnings you can filter out on this blog in general.

Gradeus in a relationship is ordinarily cold. He’s never cared very much for any girl he’s dated. He sees them as — well, not necessarily below him, but inferior? in some ways to him. He has never thought girls in general are all that intelligent, or strong, or even attractive (his favourite thought to go to is “man, that bitch thinks she’s so pretty but she’s so stupid lol”). He’s had girlfriends, he’s had sex with them, he’s pretended that he likes them and that he’s interested in them… and he’s very good at faking it. But he will never tell the girl “let’s meet up” or “Let’s do something together” on his own initiative. Aaaaat this point in time, he sees all that as a waste of money for a fruitless experimentation. He only ever really dated them because he was either approached and went “whatever, I’ll indulge this bitch” or he figured he can get something from them… either through appearing in public with her (so typical it looks good to have a girlfriend) or through some sort of payment, like the promise of a job through a friend or something? Nothing as blatant as “give me money” because he views that as classless and beneath him.

So, like, Tao. Tao’s different because first of all, Tao’s a genius. There’s the intelligence problem solved right there. And Gradeus has always had these weird thoughts towards girls in particular, so Tao being a guy… also takes that out of the picture. (Tbf, Gradeus might treat a smart or strong girl as an equal after some time of learning that she’s not the ‘same as other girls’… cheesy, I know, but it’s an important process for him.) Gradeus sees Tao entirely as an equal, except in age, which is where it gets complicated — Gradeus has always had rules centred around age. He won’t kill anyone who is considered a child, since he considers that ripping their lives away from them unjustifiably. He has his own ideas of it kids needing to be respected and cared for, and being given wiggle room in certain situations and matters because they’re just not mature yet. And Tao might be slightly past that line, but he’s still barely just. Gradeus knows he’s still very young.

Gradeus treats Tao as an equal in most situations. He knows that Tao knows what sex is and how to have it safely, so that’s entirely a mutual thing. Matters of schooling, Tao’s definitely superior. He fully respects most of Tao’s decisions, although sometimes if Tao attempts things that should definitely not be done at his age (eg. illegal things such as drinking, smoking) he’ll just be like “no, not in my sight like srsly not at all but not like I can stop you when I don’t see you??” He doesn’t try to have any extreme control over Tao’s life, either.

He respects Tao as his boyfriend and values very much what they have, really. Like, legitimately — there is no one he’s ever cared about so much in his life. Family are family, and he does have only superficial connections to them. for example, he’s never really felt true affection for his mother even if he gives her kisses and hugs. He knows that she’s his mother, he shows the affection that’s necessary, and then most of the time just goes “ugh, stupid woman” and just has no qualms saying something horrible or careless about her. Not to her face, and not to anyone who’s going to make his life hard with that info, but he has those thoughts… and no trouble at all having them.

So Tao is his first real emotional connection, which he just doesn’t understand how to deal with for the longest time because… he murders people, he has no emotional connection — except to Ignes and to Chrys, who are his best friends — but Tao is different, because he’s never been with anyone in a “relationship” before and actually cared about them in that sense. He stops killing for Tao, because Tao ‘doesn’t like it’ (in the simplest way put). He sets a lot of time aside for Tao, tries to pay attention to what Tao says and what he needs, and .

The issue is, Gradeus has mad issues. He’s not a cold and ruthless killer for nothing. He tried, previously, to keep his two lives (the life of killing and his ordinary social life) separate. But he tried to kill Tao, and just happened failed, and that’s where the line is blurred with one person: Tao. Actually blurring that line made it possible for Gradeus to know that Tao’s seen him like that, and still cares about him — and that’s a big part of why he loves Tao. Because Tao has seen that side of him, and for some stupid reason, comes back and stays with Gradeus. That’s part of what makes it possible for him to reciprocate the feelings. The girls that had liked him didn’t know him for who and what he was, and he looked down on them and laughed at them for it.

Then there’s Tao, who just manages to push his way into Gradeus’ life. Into both of his lives, and still wants to be with Gradeus. Gradeus is just… shaken by this thought, but once he gets used to Tao in his life, he makes a lot of room and changes so many things for Tao. He’s willing to make Tao his top priority — will hurt someone badly for Tao, if Tao needs him to or if he needs to protect Tao. He tries to remember everything Tao tells him, writes down Tao’s birthday and his favourite foods and the movies he likes, just everything. Because really, this is the only relationship he’ll ever get in and be invested in, he’s going all out and he’s going to do his best like he’s never done before.

But back to the problem with blurring his lives: it means the parts of the cold, ruthless killer from his other side comes creeping in. Mixing his lives up is a good thing and a bad thing; it means that Gradeus has some sense that their relationship is valid, and that he’s able to open up, but it also means that he ends up hurting Tao. Because in order to keep the boundaries of his life apart, he made 100% sure that those girls he’d been with before never even had a chance to see the real him. Tao, however, is not so safe from that.

Gradeus gets too comfortable with the first and last person that he loves. He ends up hurting Tao, physically and verbally. And no matter how much he loves Tao and treat him better, it happens again and again. And Gradeus knows 100% in the end that he can’t be with Tao. The first time he really hurts Tao physically, even just briefly, all at once he tries to deny it and to believe that it was a one-time thing, yet he hears that voice in the back of his head telling him that he’s going to it again, he knows he will because he is just that kind of person.

Nevertheless, they weather it out for a while longer. Their dynamic does probably slowly shift. The moment Gradeus moved to establish his dominance in an unhealthy way, even in the smallest of ways, it clearly affects them both. What he’s doing is changing Tao in worse ways, as much as he would like to deny it. He can excuse the small slip-ups, the mild or moderate things that were just the result of a “bad day” or a “bad mood.” It’s easy to say that it was a minor occurrence, and that he’ll change. He’ll be better.

He doesn’t get better. He doesn’t get better, and it’s when Tao is nearly dead at his hands that he’s man enough to take Tao’s copy of the key and to throw it away, and to entirely cut Tao out of his life.

It just wasn’t meant to be. Tao is a normal kid who deserves to have a happy and ordinary life with someone who will treat him well, and someone who won’t hurt him like Gradeus will. Gradeus should’ve known from the start that someone like him isn’t for Tao, whom he sees as something precious and (if he wants to cheesy) full of life. Being with Gradeus is something that’s going to just drain Tao of that life, whether metaphorically or physically. And Gradeus… is not willing to be the one to do that to Tao. He will be the one to break up with Tao. He cares about Tao that much, at least. The day he breaks up with Tao is the first time he cries since he was a child, out of emotions. He’s never had a reason to feel bad about anything or anyone. He just didn’t think he had the capacity. And really, he doesn’t. It’s just — Tao. Tao did something weird to him.

After that, life just changes entirely. He thinks that he’s free of Tao, so he can go back to how he was before. Killing people, getting some kind of pleasure out of it, at least he can have that back… but wrong. It just feels like nothing. In fact, he feels worse. It’s weird, and something he can’t deal with because that’s how he used to let out that other side of him. That’s how he used to relieve stress, and frustration, and anger. So why the hell won’t it work now? Did Tao ruin that life of his, too?

So he throws everything into school and work. He needs to finish his master’s programme, so he focuses on that and increases his work hours even longer. Goals are good, because they keep him fairly grounded. Those two things he makes the focus of his life, slowly cutting off the other people who mattered to him. It’s just weird without Tao. Tao definitely did something to him, something that he can’t explain. And when he’s done with his master’s, there work to keep him anchored… for a while.

He moves on with his life, becoming an architectural manager, moving out into his own home away to another city and trying to move up in his work. Still, something’s wrong.

Then he probably runs into Tao again at some talk, because of course Tao is grown up and big out there in the world of technologies and sciences. He makes the mistake of attending one of the talks, and seeing Tao as an adult. Seeing what he missed out on because he ruined it. Tao may or may not have seen him come and force himself to see the whole thing through. But he doesn’t stick around to find out.

Whatever seeing Tao has triggered in his brain, it’s not a good time. Within some months, Gradeus has made up his mind to go out with a bang. He’s seen all that the world has to offer him, so it’s time to go back to his roots and end it the way that he knows it should. Because Tao has ruined his entire fucking life, showing him what he can’t have and destroying what he did have. Gradeus could’ve had a quiet life, a peaceful one.

Another string of murders start, ten years after the first. He’s inviting the authorities, personally, to come after him this time. Whether or not they can take him up on the offer, whether or not they can find him… that’s a question.

But he’s planning to go out and to leave a legacy behind. One written in a trail of blood.

… okay but seriously I so hate the fact that I ever sent in abusive meme asks @ tao because ugh I literally hate it I never wanted their relationship to go south this way, and they had such cute nice little threads at times, but UGH it’s impossible to not admit that Gradeus is an evil little thing… if I want to properly carry over canon elements of him, then he must be this way, it feels the right way to portray him and any relationship. I freakin’ love the ship a lot but it’s going to die, one way or the other, in the plotline and this… is the best way I see la ug hs  literally if I could give Gradeus a happy ending I would bUT  LITERALLY I CAN’T ROMANTICISE A SERIAL KILLER PIECE OF SHIT CHILD NO MATTER HOW CUTE I THOUGHT HE WAS IN HIS GOOD MOMENTS LIKE FUCK

HE’S A SERIAL KILLER  HE OBJECTIFIES (nonsexually ok let’s not) AND HATES WOMEN

HE ABUSES HIS BOYFRIEND EVEN IF HE AND I LIKE TO SAY “HE DOESN’T WANT TO AND HE’S SELF AWARE AND TRIES TO CHANGE” LITERALLY HE’S ABUSIVE

HE SHOULD DIE F UC K 

ALSO IT’S A GOOD CONNECTION TO HIS VERSE TAG  BC LITERALLY THERE’S NO REST FOR HIM UNTIL HE DIES AND CLOSES HIS EYES FOR GOOD AND GOES TO FUCKING HELL

[whence-the-woody]

2020 

I used to do big, reflective summaries of my year and even tho I am feeling reflective today, I wasn’t able to do that last year and I actually really like the format I went with last year of just listing memz so I’m going wih that. Intention review etc will be in another post. So, my 2020 memories:

Jan

Gearing up to leave a job I hated, packing up my life to move away properly for the first time. Going flat hunting with my mum and my brother and having a literal choice of one

I did Home which I dont really remember so it was probably fine

This was the month the Gallavich wedding aired and gaslit me into believing there was still anything positive about that show/ship. Tbf at the time I was LIVING for it

Cinema kick with Mum including CATS. What a moment. 

Feb

Last day at said crappy job (just weird and awks. I didnt really know how to feel) and starting a new one - everyone was so lovely from the off and even tho I was bored at times I was optimistic

Staying with my brother for a few days, him helping me move in which was all very nice. 

My flat having no hot water for the first week - I only cried about it once. And me having nothing but an air bed for 3 weeks. Not ideal but grateful to have amenities and furniture by the end of the month

I think this was both kareoke night for one persons birthday and a 90s party for another - both excellent nights

People were talking about COVID by the end of the month but I was like pfft we’ve been here before with swine and bird flu, it’ll be all hyped up then go nowhere 

I think I was getting my first allocations by the end of the month which I was grateful for because going from an insane workload to none at all was tricky and I wanted to get going

March

Oh March 2020. How we did not see you coming. 

Before the lockdown even happened I remember people were panic buying. I stocked my freezer a bit, not because I was worried but because so many shelves were empty. All the shops starting looking apocalyptic and I was despairing over how silly everyone was being. You couldn’t get online shops anymore and there was no loo roll to be found - still think thats just so dumb. I had to go to 4 different stores to find oats and was so annoyed, weird little tidbit but I remember it. 

 I remember sitting down on my new furniture - eating a meal I had made, watching John Mulaney and feeling good in my new home - and seeing the Boris announcement. Other countries had already locked down so I had mentioned to my manager that I might have to go home to my Mums if it happened here - she had asked, I didn’t really believe it would. I had arranged for a friend to visit that month and when she cancelled I was like I think everyones being dramatic but okay. Then the 23rd, they announced a lockdown from midnight and I straight away messaged everyone to say I was panicking, asked my manager if I could leave and packed to drive back to Mum’s the next morning. I was in my flat about 6 weeks. 

I know for a fact that March felt like the longest month to ever happen but now I cant remember anything else from it - the announcement was so late in the month, I wasn’t working from Mum’s for that long before April. I think we were told to WFH if we could mid-month but I didn’t. Cant for the life of me now think why it felt so long. I know for those last 2 weeks I was refreshing the news constantly to see what was happening. I was still skeptical and thought the numbers were too low for such drama

April

WFH for real. Excruciating daily calls “to check in”. Working my first cases from home, only on the phone, with no idea what I was doing. Taking turns wearing headphone with Mum because we were both having confidential conversations. 

Walking my pup to get my alloted hour of exercise. Taking regular breaks to go outside - I think this was when there was a heatwave. Eating lunch outside. Sometimes doing weights or yoga during my lunch break - that part was actually pretty great 

Discovering podcasts - especially FDRF. They were the real MVP. 

Still constantly checking the news for updates. 3 weeks turned into 6 and so on and so on. 

I came back to my flat for one of the long weekends. I had accepted that it was going to be longer then 3 weeks and I needed more stuff. I went for a very hot walk through a ghost town - at the time it still seemed like there were too many people about. Still picnics in the park happening. 

Everyone flinching when they say each other and steering well clear. It made you feel tainted even though its what we were suppossed to do. 

Clapping for carers - absolute bullshit placating, hated it. 

Always being left off the list of keyworkers.

Still feeling like yeah its bad but ?? This cant go on forever 

A year of build up to a move then the rug was pulled out from under me, I tried not to complain because others had it so so much worse but it was hard. Is hard. 

We watched all of Location, all of Marvel, Bake off etc etc. I cried when Tony Stark died. 

I went back through my ENTIRE tumblr. I realised how little had changed really, it was very existential. 

May 

I had to come back to my new city because I was on a duty rota for 2 weeks. I was actually very excited and had a good time. I got to see people IRL!! Including some I was working with. It was definately a heatwave at that point - we were swealtering in our cars and full PPE but I was so glad to be out and about and back in the city. Putting a face and proper clothes on again was very weird

I dont remember anything else from May specifically. I think March and April lasted 10 years but then May June July were a blink. I think I had accepted how bad everything was by that point, I had stopped looking at the News for updates. I think this is where zoom started to be a thing maybe. 

June

Honestly not a clue. I was between My place and Mum’s because of the duty rota. I don’t think I came back FT until end of June. I know things were starting to open up again and it was all moving far too fast - I definately wasnt going to run out to the gym or pub but alot of people were. We were suppossed to go on holiday for a week this month, with my brother and the dogs but obvs that was cancelled - it was such a lovely place as well, shame. 

Yoga was still random but I did a weight workout every day this month which was great

July

Turning 25. I was definately back in the city FT, going back into work. My Mum came to stay in my place for the first time. My brother came over too. We went for a walk, had a picnic in the rain then ate cake back at mine. My Mum got me a microwave for my birthday because Im AN ADULT

For my birthday also me and my Mum watched Hamilton for the first time. This then took over my entire life and was played at all hours of the day 

Kept going with daily weight workouts, moved up another set. I think this is where I re-did Revolution

August

Ready to start socialising again. More restrictions were being lifted too quickly which I knew but also I had to GTFO

A friend came to stay with me for the weekend. Hes not very mobile so we couldnt do much - went for a short walk into town, sat by the river and got severely sunburned. We went to a restaurant for the first time in 6 months - I had pancakes. I made him watch Hamilton which he did not appreciate enough. Also watched Truman show for the first time while eating burritos - what a mindfuck that movie is I mean really

Went for a very long very hot walk with a friend all around the fields surrounding the city. We stopped for a drink and cake halfway, more drinks were then had in her garden. This was our first time hanging out alone and it was really lovely, we spent much more time together after that. Shes probably who Ive seen the most this year. 

A couple of weeks after that we went for bottomless brunch, followed by I think 3 or 4 other bars. The joys of getting day drunk. 

I think this was the month I started using friend/dating apps and got OBSESSED. They’re just so silly and judgey and fun, I love it. 

My 6 month tenancy ran out which I chose to renew. I started negotiations with my landlord for a pet agreement. 

I think this is where I re-did Dedicate. I think weight workouts fell off a little bit because I was pretty busy. Instead of running started doing 3 walks a week which was nice. 

September

First time hanging out with more then one person - did a Hamilton viewing party with 4 of us. There were american themed snacks, it was great. Not a boozy night which was needed. I think I then went for coffee with 2 of the girls this month. 

First time meeting up with 2 girls I met on an app - I’m still friendly with one, not the other. It was mostly a good time and I’m very proud to have done it but then drunken politics came up and it got AWKWARD. 

Nagging and nagging and nagging my landlord until she signed the pet agreement and LET ME GET A CAT

My obsession with apps was replaced with a cat shelter/app obsession. It was very frustrating because I wanted to rescue and they make it very hard so I eventually found a for sale ad and contacted them - it was a rescue though as far as I’m concerned, she was in a horrible situation for an “owner” who had no clue and had only had her for a couple weeks before giving up and putting her up for sale. I rescued her okay. I think it was 3 or 4 weeks after getting agreement that I went to pick her up. So getting everything ready for her was a big part of this month

I did manage to fit in a 5 day holiday. It was suppossed to be solo travel abroad but ended up being a Mon-Fri with family. We did some NT walks it was nice.

Then it was literally that weekend my brother drove me to Wales to pick up my new fur baby. Instantly fell in love obviously and my whole life became about her from that point on. They told me she was really timid and scared, she had been hiding in her current place, but I was so impressed with how curious and confident she is. She was wary at first, a bit flinchy, didnt like being petted with 2 hands, didnt like loud noises, wouldnt come on the bed or sofa, wouldnt come into the living room really. I put child locks on alot of doors but shes not mischivous so its never really been an issue. She loved to play from the get go and did come to me for a fuss from day one. I adore her basically. The first time she jumped on the sofa, sat next me on the bed, slept on my bed, let me stroke her with 2 hands, her first vet trip, every little first and win has always been a massive victory, Im a v proud mama. She was no name for a few days but quickly somehow became my Myshka (the whole long list I had went quickly out the window somehow)

Did some more regular yoga. Tried to do 5 weight workout a week but it was a bit random. Walks fell off because of anxiety over leaving the cat. 

October

Alot of WFH to be with the cat. Definately obsessed. 

We had our team day on a farm, that was lovely

Saw my friend for Halloween - watched Hocus Pocus for the first time, had cocktails, watched a boring horror movie then Rocky Horror which is just exceptional. Lockdown 2.0 was announced but we were tipsy and over it. 

A very stressful month work-wise, lots of deadline, threat of Ofsted, management changes, admin changes, not getting enough sleep because work stress and struggling with productivity. My health suffered a bit too because I didnt have time for lunchtime exercise anymore. 

November

Technically there was a lockdown but it felt no different because everyone was still in school and work, I dont think people even tried this time. 

The election, refreshing the results constantly. I fully expected a T win and was happy when he didnt but still disappointed at how close it was, as was everyone 

I bought my first Christmas tree and my own decs. Christmas shopping obvs. 

I downloaded Tiktok and started to question far too much about my identity. its ongoing. 

Most important was SUPERNATURAL. I had alot of feelings, it was an absolute rollercoaster my god. What a time to be alive that was. 

A couple of outside coffees in the park which is always nice. I went to a new friend’s house for tea and met their dog, also nice. 

I did a SV for the first time in a very long time and it reminded me of everything I used to hate about my old job, so happy to have left there

Test weekend taking the cat to stay with the family dogs, she did great, shes a champ

December

Pretty standard Christmas month. Had a christmas movie night with themed snacks and hot chocolate with one friend. Had another friend come for the day to do the same - first time I had seen her in a year after 3 cancellations, that was very lovely

Constant restriction changes and crappy government pissing me off but it didnt affect my plans luckily

All the Tier 2, Face Hands Space signs feeling very dystopian

Brother’s 30th plans got cancelled coz COVID. Back up NYE plans got cancelled got COVID. Actual NYE was fine tho the normal show/song/crowd was cancelled coz of course COVID 

OVERALL

Not so good shit

I mean the whole thing in general yknow

Alot of plans couldn’t go ahead - various groups I wanted to join, a new gym, more nights out with more people, more chances to meet new people ETC

My diet has been an inconsistet shit show BUT TFB there were months where you couldnt predict what was going to be on the shelves, you couldnt get orders and the whole world felt so pointless and dark like why even care about that shit yknow

My exercise also wasnt consistent though I dont feel too bad about it. I was always doing something I feel like even if it was just walking

Ive ended the year with the same amount of savings I started with which isnt exactly bad since I moved and furnished a flat and got a new pet but it isnt great

I hate WFH with a burning passion and im worried the world has accepted that as a new normal and im not okay with it

None of this shit is over yknow

Just a general hopelessness is the face of big world things yknow. Theres really nothing we can do about it, just gotta ride that wave and vote when ya can

No travel - I had such plans!!

Good shit

My new fur baby who I love and adore beyond sanity

Starting a good job in a great city with lovely people

Growing so much in confidence because Fuck it, everything is pointless anyway and theres no point in planning or caring so imma just do me

Exploring so much of who I am through new relationships, my own environment, little things like exploring my style, picking up old hobbies, trying new routines and habits

Strengthening some friendships and maintaining others despite the insane obstacles

Maintaining a positive relationship with My Mum in particular, and my whole family

Trying new things in my new city. Still managing nights out, a somewhat proper birthday and a short trip

No actual mental breakdowns which this year feels like a win. My mental health is actually in such a better place then it was this time last year. The job was killing me, thank fuck I got out when I did 

I redid more then 1 30 day programs and did 2 straight months of weights 

My family, friends and I are all safe and well 

Music of the year:

Hamilton

An awful lot of Panic! 

Anyone - DL

Partition (idk dont question me)

Basically alot of drama while trying to hold on to both my emo and club days - fuck I miss clubbing yall. I dont even like clubbing. 

Media of the year:

I should acknowledge Shameless even though I came full circle on it and have now fully abandoned the whole thing and prefer my own AU where Milkoviches get what they deserve 

Schitts Creek

Supernatural 

Hamilton obvs

Marvel technically, it was alot of hours

Staged

Derry Girls

Pose

The Old Guard

Pride - which is not new but we watched it on Christmas eve and I cried in my mums lap okay 

Ship of the year has to be Destiel I mean standing ovation for that rage inciting moment followed by a solid month of absolute chaotic good, it was glorious in its destruction. 

2021 INTENTIONS TO FOLLOW