#We need to be able to live with ourselves first and foremost

[bloodcoveredgf]

hey yall, i hate to do this again but we decided we needed to make an updated crowdfunding post explaining our situation since some things have changed and our living situation is really only getting more and more intolerable + we have been struggling to save on our own, our mental and physical are suffering beyond comprehension and we are taking on a lot of extra responsibilities and stress on top of our own right now. its gotten to a point where we feel like we just cant win and cant deal with it all anymore. again my partner and i are both disabled but he is working full time and trying to save up for us to fix his car which needs repairs and those will cost at LEAST 1.5k possibly more. right now we are prioritizing getting the money together for that so that we can have a car which is obviously desperately needed first and foremost especially due to the limited forms of transportation from others and it being winter right now + we wont be able to move until we get this car fixed. unfortunately, things keep piling up and dont seem to stop and saving is nearly impossible with our own bills + our own necessities + the bills and extra things we are having to pay for that arent even our responsibility at the request of his mother. it is essential that we can at least get his car fixed and working again because we are taking on a lot outside of that too and its dire that we move out as soon as possible, but first we will need the money for the car so if theres any chance you can donate or share we would greatly appreciate it and it would help us out a lot! right now we have $365 saved up thanks to previous donations (thank you again everyone for donating and sharing!) but we have struggled to add anything to the pile ourselves right now, so we would be so grateful for any help ♡

our cashapp is $curtiswldr and mutuals can dm for our paypal, thank you ♡

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

How to deal with the urge to relapse every couple of months? As soon as I get close to my heaviest weight I start freaking out and relapse. I tried seeking report online but got accused of exchanging on ed for another. I happened to be fat at my heaviest which means in order to completely recover I will probably end up fat again. And I’m having a hard to accepting that I’m just supposed to be in a bigger body.

This is not an easy thing to deal with, is it, anon? It can be so hard to accept that the way our body needs to be is different from the body we have idealized. It can be hard to learn to love a different body than the one you always thought you should have, particularly if you live in a fat body which is treated as a negative by the world around you. It's okay, first of all, to acknowledge to yourself that this is hard. You're allowed to find it hard. You may find it easier some days and then be surprised when a difficult moment comes up because you'd thought you were past it. All of this is difficult to feel, but okay. You're allowed to experience and acknowledge these feelings.

Additionally, I'm so sorry that you tried to seek help and were accused of exchanging one ED for another. It's always such a slap when you seek out real help and it goes badly. It's brave and important to seek out help and I want you to know that you deserve to find true help and understanding.

So anyway, the urge to relapse: I suggest you practice facing and addressing those feelings. Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with your feelings. Every time you manage to eat intuitively despite the urge to relapse, try and focus on it afterward as a positive thing you have done, a strong thing. You may struggle with feeling like it is a negative, since it does not mesh with weight loss. So you can try to focus on the positives. That you faced down poor self-esteem to treat your body and mind with care. That you did something healthy for yourself in spite of a disorder that tells you you don't deserve to. That by allowing yourself to eat you allow yourself to affirm your own worth, your deservingness of health and of a happy life. It may not feel real at first and that's okay, just keep at it. Whether you write down these affirmations, say them in a mirror, or just repeat them in your head as you go about your life, just try to gently move your thinking about yourself in a positive direction in a way that works for you.

Finally, I suggest you get connected to other fat people in restriction recovery. (And yes, there are many, and they often get overlooked or slapped with the label of "atypical anorexia" because when most people think of anorexia they do think of thinness. But many fat people have indeed felt the pressures of society and turned to restrictive eating disorders, and I'm sure you'll be able to find your people, especially on here.) I think it's probably really important to be connected to other fat people in ED recovery so that you can compare experiences, unpack fatphobic messages together, and support each other in finding beauty and worth in the body type you have. These are the people who know firsthand how to support you to heal when your community around you might fail to do so. As important as it is to be able to validate your beauty in yourself first and foremost, we humans are social creatures and so it is desperately difficult to learn to love ourselves when surrounded by those that fail to love us properly. I hope you find your community and grow into a true sense of self worth.

[felassan]

EA website update:

"Incoming Transmission N7 DAY 2023 Happy N7 Day to our wonderful community!"

"Hey, everyone, Every November 7th, we’ve all come together—developers, superfans, regular fans, kinda-fans—to celebrate (and speculate about!) the games, stories, and community that make Mass Effect so special. It’s a testament to the long-lasting appeal of this universe and the characters who call it home. Eleven years of N7 Days and sixteen years of Mass Effect later, the franchise continues to inspire our development team, and with each day, gives us the opportunity to create more adventures for you to have. Whether it’s one of the many who have been here since the original game’s launch or those recently joining us at BioWare, we are all incredibly lucky to be envisioning this future. That process is equal parts rewarding and challenging. We’ve asked ourselves many of the same questions you’ve asked us over the years! What happened to everyone you know and love in the games? Who really died? Who had kids with whom? What does a baby volus sound like? What about all the galaxies? The endings! What the heck is going on with our asari scientist-turned-Shadowbroker? What about S— nevermind...you get the idea. And of course, to those questions, there are answers, but you’ll have to wait to hear them. And anything we do say won’t be easy to find, just like you’ve come to expect from our #N7Day teases. But for real… thank you. Thank you for everything, and allowing us to do what we do. We approach the future of this universe with gratitude and deep respect. Respect for you—the community. Respect for the love and dedication you’ve given to us. Respect for the history and the stories you’ve created, and the characters you’ve fallen in love with. And, respect for the future, and the opportunity to do something big—something amazing—for you. Until next time…and Happy N7 Day! —Mike Gamble, Mass Effect Franchise Director & Executive Producer"

"Through o0ur partnership with Humble Bundle and friends at Dark Horse Comics, we’re making all Dark Horse Mass Effect and Dragon Age comics available in a convenient package! Pr1oceeds from this will go to Child’s Play, a charity that seeks to make the lives of children in hospitals more comfortable. We all know how powerful and uplifting games can be, so we’re glad to be able to help bring joy t0o kids in need through this effort. If you’d like to help, too, please check it o0ut! We also have some exciting new merch from our partners for those who want to stock their shelves or add to their wardro0bes. The BioWare Gear Store is releasing multiple new i1tems today! From a brand-new mini replica Claymore Shotgun to Omni-Blade LED Wall Art, we’ve got tons of Mass Effect items for your collection, all go0ing live with a site-wide sale. Be sure to check out items new and old, and follow them on social media to see their latest relea1ses."

"Our frie0nds over at Dark Horse have also been working on something special. For over a year now, we’ve been working closely with them on a few new statues based on popular requests. First and foremost, we’re excited to share that Commander Shepard (female) is ge1tting an iconic battle-worn statue! This has been one of the top requests from the community and we’ve been super excited to see it come to life."

"And, of course, if you w1ant to put a squad together for her, Dark Horse is also releasing new statues of Wrex and Tali. These statues are brought to life with the level of care and quality we’ve all come to expect from Dark Horse over the years. These two iconic characters are ready to take the fi1ght to the Reapers!"

"F0or those who live in colder climates (Canada being a prime example), our friends over at Volante Design have returned this year with s0omething just for you. Following the success of the N7 line of apparel they released, the team at Volante has created a Garrus Vak0arian-style parka, complete with a “head cone” to protect your 0face."

"A0nd of course, Sanshee always has something for our b1iggest fans. For lovers of Grunt, Lia1ra, and adorable va1rren, the team has created a new set of plu0shees and pins for your colle0ctions! Be sure to chec1k out their site for all that and m1ore."

"Your joy, creativity, and passion help drive us towards the future of Mass Effect and all that it may be0come. The team is ta1king their time to cr1aft a whole new adventu0re for you to enj1oy, with new stories, chara0cters, and experiences to fill it. At the end of t0he day, that’s w1hat N7 Day is about. Cel0ebr1ati1ng yo0u an1d th1is speci0al fr0anchise that br0ings us all to1get1her. W0e hope you’1ve enjoyed the glimpse1s int1o the fut1ure of the fra0nchis1e so f1ar. An0d don’t wor1ry, ther1e’s mo1re to come, but fa0rther away! Ever your biggest fans, —The Mass Effect Team"

[source and link to all images in post]

Associated Twitter post:

[source]

[nowherequiet]

On Regret: Echo Chambers and the Importance of Values in Gaining Ownership Over Ourselves

I recently have been thinking that I don't have many substantial regrets regarding my past, and that's because I believe regret, along with guilt, are the consequences of actions which are in disagreement with our values. To put it simply, we have higher chances of regretting something we've done impulsively or when our judgement was clouded, rather than something which was analysed thoroughly.

Regret cannot be avoided, and it shouldn't be, as it has its role in our social development and a healthy amount of regret could set us back on the right track sometimes. However, I believe there are ways of minimising it by staying true to our values, with all the actions it involves like being in touch with ourselves, setting boundaries, taking time to reflect, and acting in a way that accurately represents how we are within.

I believe our nature is to be good, as good as an animalic nature can be. (Here I make an exception to the obvious rarer cases in which extreme circumstances or neurological imbalances drive others to commit heinous crimes and have a severe lack of empathy. The essay is aimed towards the largest demographic, the average person). Yes, it is easier to harm than do good, and yes, we are inclined towards selfishness and cynicism, but I'm certain that comes from a hyper fixation on the things exterior to ourselves. In short, in my opinion (and John Stuart Mill's), people can be better individuals and be content with each other if first and foremost, they are at peace with who they are.

We don't need to fix the society, we need to fix the individual, but we can only fix him if he wants to. No help can be given forcefully.

Whenever people notice deviant, harmful behaviours, they all start yelling "Let's do better! Let's be more united! We need more love!" in unison. Or, they wish them the worst. Neither of these approaches help in any way, and if anything, only reveals the character of the one who points the finger. To those people, I don't wish happiness, love nor to find God. Instead, I wish they can get to the essence of who they are, live according to their values, and be able to say wholeheartedly one day that they are glad they did so, as it's a state just as rewarding as it is difficult to get to.

We're constantly being bombarded with all sorts of information, to the point that it feels as if we don't have any discernment over our actions, and that our minds are everything but our own. I believe that this might be a hugely overlooked reason why more and more people seem to have identities fluid to the point of disassociation, being easily propagandised and radicalised against one another, turning towards all sorts of distractions to stop themselves from introspection, and being overall extremely dissatisfied with their lives (whether they like to admit it to themselves or not).

Without beating too much around the bush, it is obvious that technology evolved way quicker than humans could realistically properly adapt to. Here, by adaptation I don't mean being able to learn a new gadget with ease, but the deeper implications of what having to give in to endless new devices and media implies. Socially, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually, humans weren't ready for such a rapid technological development. And this is precisely why, despite living in the so-called most convenient times, the omnipresent frustration which can be felt every time you go on the internet is evident.

A behaviour I noticed among my close ones' social media usage, and which I'm sure represents a common practice, is that whenever a new post catches one's attention, before even finishing to read or listen to the entire video, the person opens the comment section. This pattern is so wide-spread, that many videos which have even the slightest shock effect to them, one of the top comments will always be somewhere among the lines of "I ran straight to the comments when I saw-".

"Humans are social animals, of course it is instinctual to constantly seek a sense of community and be concerned with what others will think" you'll say, and that is something I won't argue against. But now the current context makes me involuntarily draw a parallel in my head whether this extreme of a concern for others' opinions has always been part of our society, or is something that we are yet to become aware of as is a phenomenon still so fresh. Naturally, is easier to analyse the past: it gives us a bunch of information which we can put together like a puzzle should we wish to dedicate some of our time to it. While in the middle of an event, the judgement is clouded by all the information we're fed. It's difficult to accurately judge how big a crowd is until you're out of it and you see it from a distance.

'How do you even get out?', you might ask. And to that I will answer 'One step at a time'. 'And how do you know when to get out?'. 'When you start feeling suffocated.'

However, through the refusal to engage in this mass-psychosis, it is essentially impossible to live in today's society. And as much as I do recommend occasional periods of minimal contact with others, I am aware it's increasingly more difficult to have the privilege to do so, and that it is also certainly not for everyone; just as it can be beneficial, if approached incorrectly, it can also cause more harm than good. So the key approach towards engaging with today's media and overall culture, all while keeping a sense of autonomy over ourselves, is moderation, self-awareness, combined with the so-needed grain of skepticism.

With the constant exposure to information, and the implicit impossibility of avoiding it altogether, it naturally becomes extremely difficult to accurately categorise everything that's thrown at us. 'Thankfully', the internet gets to decide to categorise everything for us, including what kind of person we are and what is suitable for us through the ever-present algorithm. As with any kind of categorisation, while it seemingly benefits the one who makes the assumption and gives them clues on how to best approach another, it comes at the disadvantage of the one who is put in a box. Why? Because it makes it increasingly difficult for the 'victim' to be seen as anything more than X or Y and further isolates the individual into a space 'suitable for others like him'.

So while a person can now much easier find communities of other people exactly like them thanks to the algorithm, it also limits their expansion anywhere further beyond that space. If a social platform picked on the fact that you like cooking videos, gaming, and cats, that's all you will ever see on your page unless you decide to look for something else. From a highly-complex individual perspective, the way the algorithm works will never seem advantageous, human beings are more than a 2D image on a screen, can (and absolutely should) have more than the maximum of 5 interests, and the internet is not designed in any way that does human individual complexity and overall social development any justice. If anything, through excessive internet usage, people are developing in a strangely-linear, inhuman way.

In relation to this, I can't seem to avoid mentioning an idea I came to recently. The internet, through the way it's designed, feeds into a false sense of identity and community which is exclusively valid within its parameters, and automatically cancels out when returning to the real world. Through engagement with digital echo chambers*, the individual gains a feeling of an utopian community that is fundamentally null when not in a virtual space.

After repeatedly gaining sense of comfort through the overestimation of the prevalence of people similar to them, when the daily real life seems to be otherwise, the frustration one feels is much more intense than if they weren't to experience any sense of community to begin with. A notable disadvantage of habit.

*The term of digital echo chambers was coined and popularised by Korean-born German philosopher Byung Chul Han, whose philosophy thoroughly analyses the implications of the prevalent Internet culture over our social and emotional development. Another related philosophical concept worth looking into is the one of the digital panopticon, which in large terms addresses the influence online surveillance has over our wellbeing. But I might approach those specific ideas in more detail in a future essay.

When belonging into any sort of community, online or offline, you naturally get 'plagued' with ideas, ideals, and images of how the typical person from the group should be like which the members more or less consciously adopt. The absolutely necessary parallel to draw and carefully observe in this particular situation and which connects to the entire concept of values as a way of minimising regret, is the following:

A person unsure in themselves will see the community as an advantage, with an extreme appeal; after all, it gives them the opportunity to 'explore' who they are. A person who already knows what they stand for and what they believe in will see the community as disadvantageous, and will be substantially more hesitant to engage in group activities.

It is important to note that here I'm not advising being close-minded and firmly rejecting everything that stands in opposition to what you think ('I will not be dancing with you at your birthday party because I am not a dancer'). Staying open-minded is very much in the centre of the grey area of self-discovery, while communities of any sort tend to step out of the grey area.

'But you can learn so much from within a community!'. Yes, you can, but can learning from one side of the coin only be considered valid knowledge? And are you doing it because you want to learn something, or because you lack a sense of self and are seeking to be attributed a definition from outside? Certainly, most people are in the second category, but very few, if any at all, would have the courage to admit it.

Most times, knowing alone doesn't seem to be enough when part of a group, as many of them have systems similar to a loyalty card when it comes to how dedicated one is to the cause they're promoting, and how 'good' of a member they are. The first example I can think of is the notorious Christian missionaries, as I believe everyone has interacted with them at least once and probably even viewed them poorly for being so 'brain-washed' at times. Of course, it is much easier to notice certain behaviours in others, and especially when they show up as religious extremism, but instead of pointing fingers, we should take it as an opportunity to self-reflect.

'Oh, but I'm not extremist like they are and I'm not trying to convert anyone!'. I'm not suggesting self-reflection for this reason alone. Obviously, no two cases will be the same, and just because you might be an atheist doesn't mean the advice doesn't apply to you. Think of how many times you acted extreme in discussions with others, of any nature, but particularly in the ones concerning debating of some kind. In my opinion, if you find it impossible to stay composed during a debate and not turn aggressive or persuasive, you shouldn't engage in debates. Not being able to have an objective conversation, and repeatedly implying the another is of lower intelligence unless they share your point of view is substantially more disrespectful and shameful than simply refusing to discuss to begin with.

That is something I'm still working on myself. For this reason, I'm extremely selective with who I choose to engage with in conversations of sensitive matter. The ones who use the internet and television as their main information source are automatically ineligible for the reasons previously mentioned. It takes two people to tango, and it is up to each of us to learn how to dance before we step on a stage.

'But only through conversation we can get to the essence of things!'. Yes and no, and that depends exclusively on the type of person you choose to discuss with. Anybody who thinks radically will not respect your opinion, and a debate should be had only in the case you fancy arguing and winning yourself an enemy for free. It is also important to consider the person's education, and here I don't mean formal education (diplomas and certificates aren't proof of intelligence, but that's an essay for another time), but how wide their general knowledge is. The wider the knowledge, the higher the chances they will be able to see your perspective as well even when at opposite poles.

Just as it is important to choose our information sources carefully, it is equally important to know who we can have certain conversations with, and who to be more careful around.

When discussing politics for example, knowledge in politics alone doesn't instantly make one apt enough to be having political debates with others. In order to properly analyse an event in its entirety, knowledge of economics, history, sociology, and even cultural psychology is needed. So a bit of self-awareness regarding the size of our boat is necessary before we decide to embark on a difficult journey. Having someone else make you feel foolish is a shameful ego hit. Admitting to yourself that you are a bit of a fool, recognising when a situation is out of your expertise, and choosing to not embark on the boat until you feel better prepared is a much wiser decision.

Especially if you hold unconventional beliefs and you wish to live harmoniously with lots of people, I advise not sharing them freely with everyone not because they don't deserve to be heard, but because once they are out in the world, people use them to judge your value based on them. People promote freedom of speech, but realistically, they don't want to surround themselves with people who contradict and question their worldview. While someone might not instantly turn against you after you voiced your opinion, you can still notice a slight expression of disappointment and disgust. That is, because it's easier to moralise others, and a lot of people would much rather close their ears off and point fingers than attempt to understand; the latter requiring a level of understanding that a majority hasn't reached within themselves.

How could you pour into another's cup when your jug is empty?

So you have to choose between lying and betraying yourself for the sake of social harmony, and leaving the constraints behind to live the difficult, yet increasingly rewarding individualism. Friends and family aim to teach us how to be better with others. Time spent alone teaches you how to be better by yourself.

Turn your attention within and keep digging. You will find your heart beating, and underneath it lies your truth.

So, if you want to learn something new, and objectively be able to analyse for yourself what is closest to the truth, is best to keep searching independently and quiet down your mind from others' screams. When alone, you are absolutely free to make mistakes, correct and come back to a different result over and over again. You are your own judge. And what better way to exercise your judgement and power other than when you have complete freedom over both action and consequence? You can either rise or bury yourself; it's entirely your responsibility to keep yourself balanced.

Most importantly, it makes you value time, and not take others' presence for granted whenever you do choose to pursue relationships with others. As you grow to see the time spent alone highly, you become increasingly aware of how you get to spend it, and most importantly, on who.

In the age of technology, attention is the most valuable thing we could offer as consumers. Attention, just as time, is something that many give to others freely without thinking much about it. As it isn't a physical good which we can feel with our hands and see with our eyes, we don't seem to be as attached to it as we would be with our valuables. Paradoxically, the things which we don't keep track of, seem to slip through our fingers the fastest, and we wake up one day to realise we threw years, decades of our lives in the fountain. If there is something we should, and it is absolutely justified to be selfish with, that is our time.

No matter what you do, there'll always be regrets. But no regret is worse than realising you lived a life that's not yours; a life full of rules that weren't your own, opinions you didn't come to yourself, experiences you never got to experience first-hand. A life without a clear beginning, with an ambiguous open conclusion.

22:50, Sun 10.11.24

[loveyourlovelysoul]

It's okay to not be perfect, it's okay to not be able to make everyone happy. We have to make ourselves happy first, and to be happy we also need to be able to talk about our mind, to make mistakes, to leanr by them, to ask for forgiveness and to forgive ourselves when we cannot be forgiven by others. Even if it hurts so badly. But we're okay, we're not bad people, we are not awful for just being us. We don't know everything yet, and anyway, we cannot please all the different types of people living on earth. We need to please and take care of us first, and as long as we care more of what others think about us, of how they feel about us, we won't be able to make it as we won't be able to really be ourselves. This is not about being selfish, it's about self respect. It's a reminder that you are as worthy as anyone else, and your thoughts and words are as important (and as right or wrong, there's not one truth anyone) as anyone else's. You are allowed to have your likes and dislikes and even still be loved and love someone who doesn't agree with you. A disagreement doens't have to lead to hate or anything bad. You can survive that, especially if you're both able to handle that through healthy communication. And if you can communicate with yourself first and foremost about your real feelings and emotions (and know your real self, and let it be known).

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen 💜 I was wondering if you had any advice on how to start living for yourself instead of for other people. I’m realizing this is something I’ve struggled with for most of my life, and I’m not sure how to figure out what I like and what makes me happy, because for so long my standard has been “what do other people want from me? What do other people think is impressive?” I spend my high school and college years trying to measure up to my best friend, and now, after a rough breakup, I find myself trying to compete with my ex. Even though we’re not in contact and I don’t follow her online anymore, I still have this persistent feeling of her judgment in my mind whenever I do (or don’t do) anything. I feel the need to compare myself and my progress to her life even though I’m realizing that I don’t actually want to do the things she’s doing. But I feel like just being me isn’t enough, you know? Sorry, I feel like this may be kind of vague and rambling, haha.

I think a lot of us feel this to some extent or another. I needed to, first and foremost, learn to say “no” when I don’t want to do something. It really starts with being honest with myself. Am I saying “yes” because something is appealing to me or even because I know I can offer help and that will make me feel good OR am I saying “yes” to avoid being seen as rude or mean?   

Often I found myself either saying “yes” or passively agreeing to something because I thought it was the response expected of me and to say “no” would allow another person to suffer. Most of the time we all are willing to do something to alleviate the pain or fear of others but  I had to learn to weigh the consequences to my own health and life. (financial, emotional, physical etc.) 

Once I was coming out of a 17 year relationship I realized I had based much of the trajectory of my life on what I thought she needed/wanted and what was expected of me as a parent and a partner to another woman. I had to drastically rethink my life because after about a year apart I was still doing the same things and every move I made seemed dependent on what she would think, how she would react or what societal expectations. I had never wanted to be a mom and I certainly did not want to be a mom in the way I thought others wanted me to be a mom. 

I literally sat down one day and penned out my parenting style as opposed to what I was doing. In one column it was “I would do it this way” and in another was “I do it this way” and after each was a “because” column.  SO  I would “tell my kid they can’t have the candy and explain it is too much money” BECAUSE “I want them to know the truth and money is tight” And then I would reflect on how I had been handling things “I would tell them NO to the candy” and be upset because I was stressed I could not afford it BECAUSE “My wife would tell me it was mean to tell kids we don’t have enough money since it makes them feel like we are poor”. 

It did not take too much of this exercise to realize many of my reactions were,  more often than not, a proactive reaction to how I knew OR thought another person would react to my decision. Predicting a  reaction is one thing that we need to be able to get along with others and live in a social world. Restructuring our entire way of handling every situation to appease others is not healthy if it is a constant restraint we have to be aware of just to live day to day. When we have to expend the mental energy to make sure each action and decision will not cause us conflict with those in our lives we need to rethink the people we are “answering to” Are these the people we need around us if we find ourselves going against every instinct we have to just function?  

I discovered that my constant effort to define my actions by the parameters others were setting on me was exhausting. We all have to make some concessions to be part of groups but when we give up our natural way of handling situations to control the judgment of others we can forget that we are capable of handling things our own way. AND, in the end, we can’t control the actions of others anyway. 

This is all sort of the preamble to the idea that we base our success on what others see as success. Good parents are “seen” a certain way. Good employees “act” a certain way. Success is money, things, vacations, long term relationships and on and on. Our social structure is set up to reward these things that are “the dream life” but whose dream?   You need to figure out what truly gives you happiness. Is it money? Tropical vacations? Or is it a job you have that you love but aren’t “supposed” to do because it isn’t fancy or glorified by the media?  Some people that work at gas stations make a living wage, get benefits and love the daily interactions with regulars they have formed relationships with yet they are constantly told they need to “move up” or that what they do is not important or fulfilling. Is it less work and more time with your friends? Is it evenings at home with your dog? 

You are enough. And what you enjoy is enough. If you can pay your bills, take care of yourself and live within the means you have decided to earn, that is success. Adding fulfillment and happiness to that is icing on the cake. When we are with a partner or friends we often do things we don’t necessarily enjoy but being with them makes it worth it. When we are on our own time we can decide for ourselves and that freedom can feel pretty nice.

[long-distance-love]

Hi! So I’ve been talking to this guy I met on a game for 5 months now (almost 6). We’ve been talking every day since we’ve met, (texting daily, video calling on the weekend, watching movies or playing games together). The thing was that he started flirting and eventually we both said we liked each other but would just continue to see how things would go (like a month or two talking). But when he would go out with friends and get drunk, he would be super flirty and eventually he said I love you drunk. I asked him about it when he was sober the next day and he said that he says that to people he’s close with or people he likes when he’s drunk. And a month ago I asked if we would be more than friends or not and he said “I feel like it would be a real struggle if we were to be more since the biggest bummer is our time zone difference. Not that I don’t want to but I just know I would end up hurting you in one way or another. But don’t think I don’t enjoy snapping with you cuz that I do enjoy that.” The crappy thing is we live across the world from each other, I’m in America and he’s in Europe. We’ve agreed to be friends but I still really like him, I might even love him maybe but then again I’ve never been in a relationship and I don’t know what live feels like. He’s really funny, always making me laugh, I love talking to him, and he’s so sweet. I just don’t know if I should try to stop liking him and get over these feelings. And I don’t know if he still likes me or not. (I’m horrible at realizing things and super dense and clueless.) Any advice would be super grateful please!

Hey Nonny!

First and foremost I'd like to reassure you - your feelings are perfectly valid. You see this situation, this person, as you do, and to be honest from what you've told me, it sure seems understandable that you developed feelings for him.

However, let me reflect and rephrase to you what he's told you when you wanted to take your relationship to the next level: I don't think it would work due to the time zone difference/distance, because I wouldn't be able to meet your needs. Ask yourself if this is something you want, if this is something you would be able to live with. We all want different things from a relationship, but I believe that proper commitment and a fierce willingness to carve out a significant amount of time from our day to day life, coupled with a whole lot of effort is essential for a serious relationship - especially for a long distance relationship. You need to be very sure about your commitment too, otherwise it will fall apart at the first sign of trouble. It would be worth your while to decide whether you'd be able to commit on such a deep level, and also to figure out whether he'd be willing to do the same.

Otherwise I think you could use a little break from him, even if you want to continue being his friend. You need to get over your crush, which isn't impossible, but would be significantly more difficult with him being around a lot. Should god forbid he not reciprocate your willingness to commit, I would definitely cut him loose though - he's expressed interest in you but refuses to commit, which would mean he's emotionally unavailable and yet he continues to use your openness without accepting the responsibility and the consequences of his actions.

As for drunk admissions... No. Just no. We flat out reject those because we love and respect ourselves, okay? You wouldn't do this to others, please don't settle for anything less when it comes to you. If he means it, he can repeat it to you sober, without excuses.

I hope you can figure things out! This is a very difficult situation and you should be proud of yourself for getting through it. You'll be alright no matter what, and you'll emerge a wiser and stronger person in the end. Wishing you nothing but the best. 💕

-Danny

[mystacoceti]

"No need to collect a mass of facts. We have just considered societies which are ignorant: the first, of our conception of fate; the second, of our conception of birth; the third, of our conception of exchange; the last, of our conception of death. That's enough.

"Between the men we have just mentioned, and the Greek, or the Gothic man—or anybody else—and ourselves, what is there in common?"

Lowering his lizard-skin eyelids slightly, [Möllberg] paused for a moment, to give more weight to what he was going to say:

"Whether we are talking of God in the religious civilizations, or the link with the cosmos in the preceding civilizations, every mental structure considers as absolute and unassailable any particular sign which directs life, and without which man could neither think nor act. (A sign which does not necessarily guarantee a better life for man, which can equally well, of course, contribute to his destruction!) It is to man what the aquarium is to the fish swimming inside it. It does not enter his mind. It has nothing to do with the search for truth. It seizes and possesses man, while he never possesses it entirely. So much so, in fact—and now I come back to Mr. Vincent Berger's argument—that men are, perhaps, more thoroughly defined and classified by their form of fatalism than by anything else."

"Which is ours?" my father asked.

"it's not easy for a fish to see its own aquarium. . . . First and foremost, one's country, don't yo think?"

Walter raised his hand with the same conductor's gesture as before and said with a kind of bitterness:

"There is a truth, gentlemen, to which we do in fact submit, in the same way as those kinds who appear on the fringe, if I may say so, of the most distant past used to submit to the stars . . . without which neither the idea of country, nor that of race, nor that of social distinction, would be what it is. We live in it, as the religious civilizations lived in God. Without it, not one of us—I merely say: 'not one'—would be able to think. It's our only realm: it's history."

"And behind history," Möllberg went on, "perhaps there's something which is to history what history is to the country, to revolution. Perhaps our consciousness of time—"

from The Walnut Trees of Altenburg, André Malraux, tr. A. W. Fielding

[00katrinka00]

Decades Challenge 1890s Update #1

I'm going to start playing through the decades challenge here on my Tumblr in between my legacy updates. I'm actually super excited to start playing.

That had to have been the longest train ride of Josephine's life, and her older brother couldn't even have the decency to pick her up himself.

This isn't fair, Josephine though to herself. It wasn't Willow Creek that Josephine disliked, she was actually content moving back, excited even, to be able to spend more time outside without the thick clouds of smog filling her lungs.

It was Daniel whom she wasn't excited to see. They had never been close growing up, a 10-year age gap tended to do that to siblings, but Josephine had no control over the situation. She was a child and therefore had to be placed with the only adult left in their family.

With a deep breath Josephine began to head inside.

Next-door, Abigail Alden was busy baking some milk-break to welcome their new neighbor back to Willow Creek. Every woman in town had been buzzing with the latest gossip since the news had broke a few weeks ago about the sudden death of Thomas Williams.

What were they going to do with the daughter? everyone had been wondering.

Abigail had stumbled upon the answer relatively quickly, there were perks to living next to the junior Williams boy and his wife.

"Is that milk bread?" Abigail's son, Theo, asked. He and her other two boys, all seemed to be able to smell food from a mile away.

"Not for you," Abigail chided him. "The Williams girl just moved in next door. Mary and I are going to bring over some milk break to welcome her back to town."

"We are?" Mary asked still looking down at her needle point.

"Yes, we are," Abigail said confidently, like she knew something her children did not.

Theo raised an eyebrow, "Need I remind you that Mr. Williams is married. His wife is pregnant, with their second child. If this is some sort of elaborate scheme to get Mary betrothed to him, it's not going to work."

Abigail brushed her son off, "Nonsense. Cynthia Williams is too sickly to be carrying children, all the doctors advised her against getting pregnant again. She'll most likely die during childbirth and then Mr. Williams will be on the hunt for a new wife, and he'll remember how our Mary was among the first to welcome his younger sister back to town, a kind gesture indeed."

"Well, you two have fun with that," Theo shrugged. "I will be headed back to the library, too many books to read, and not enough time in the day."

Theo started to get up. "Not so fast Theodore," Abigail began to say. "You're coming with."

"It's Theo," he quickly reminded her. "And do I have to?"

"We must present ourselves as a unified family," Abigail concluded.

"What about father? Ben? Charles?" Theo pointed out to his mother. How were they meant to be a unified family if half their family wasn't going to be there.

"Ouch!" Mary suddenly yelled. "I dislike needle point so much."

Abigail ignored her and flashed Theo a pointed look, "You're going."

"Hello Daniel," Josephine greeted her older brother. She was unsure of exactly how to greet a sibling you hadn't seen in 8 years. "Thank you for allowing me to stay in your home with you and your family, I deeply appreciate it."

"You are very welcome sister," Daniel answered stiffly, he seemed to be just as usure as Josephine in this situation. "I want to go over some ground rules, expectations if you will."

Alright, Josephine thought. Most households have expectations and guidelines to respect. This shouldn't be too bad.

Daniel cleared his throat and begam. "First and foremost, as you may have heard my wife Cynthia is unwell. Pregnancy is difficult for her, and the doctors have prescribed bedrest for the remaining months of her pregnancy. That being said, I will expect you to take over all housework. This includes caring for my son Kenneth and attending to all of Cynthia's needs while on bedrest. I mean you will be in charge of cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare. Do you understand?"

"What about school?" Josephine asked the first question that came to mind. It felt like a million thoughts were flying through her brain.

Daniel was silent for a moment, "Oh, Josephine," he began to say. "I think there has been a miscommunication, you will not be attending school any longer. These chores will take up your entire day, there will be no time for studies."

Josephine began to panic internally. Father had always wanted her in school, her studies had always been important to him. "What about when Cynthia is better?" Josephine asked quickly. "Will I get a tutor then?"

"No, Josephine the only thing you should be focused on right now is the housework," Daniel told her anger beginning to creep up into his voice. "Then after Cynthia is better your focus should be on courting, finding a husband to marry when you turn 18. Women have no business learning mathematics or science."

"School was important to father!" she exclaimed raising her voice. "He wanted me to learn those things."

Daniel gave her a stern look, "I don't care what father would have wanted. You are now living under my roof so you will abide by my rules, and you will treat me with respect. If do not like my rules then I can throw you out onto the street and you can fend for yourself, do you understand?"

Josephine went silent.

"Do you understand?" Daniel raised his voice this time.

"Yes," Josephine said. "I understand."

"You understand?" Daniel's voice a bit sterner this time.

"Yes, I understand, sir," Josephine told him just as there was a knock at the door.

Josephine opened the door and stepped back to join her brother.

"Good afternoon Mr. Williams," the older women greeted them. "We have stopped over to welcome your dear younger sister back to Willow Creek. We are truly excited to see you, I'm Abigail Alden and these are but two of my children, Mary and Theodore."

"Theo," Theo quickly interjected, but then his eyes settled on Josephine. She was easily the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

"What impeccable timing you have Mrs. Alden," Daniel said through gritted teeth. He then gestured towards Josephine, "and might I introduce you to my younger sister, Josephine."

"Good afternoon, pleased to make your acquaintances," Josephine greeted her neighbors.

"Please, do come in," Daniel gestured for the guests to follow.

Once Daniel had led the Alden family into the drawing room he headed back towards Josephine. "Do go put some tea on," he instructed her. "It'd be awfully rude to welcome guests into the home without tea."

"I don't know how to make tea," Josephine told him. She watched as anger flashed across his face again.

"Figure it out," he said through a clenched jaw before leaving Josephine alone in the entryway.

"It was very kind of you guys to welcome my sister to Willow Creek," Daniel said as he sat down to join the Alden family.

"Oh, it was all Mary's idea," Abigail grinned. "She heard of your sister's return, and she just simply had to be the first to welcome her back. She even made the milk bread all by herself, such a talented cook my Mary is."

"I did?" Mary asked.

When Josephine was done brewing the tea, she set it onto the table and joined everyone else. The only remaining seat happened to be the one next to Theo. Josephine was having a hard time hiding her disappointment over the move, and it seemed to be showing on her face. Theo took it upon himself to try and make her smile.

"You know," he leaned toward her and in a low voice said, "it isn't your brother's fault he looks like a fish."

Josephine cracked a smile but quickly composed herself. "You can't say things like that Mr. Alden, they're rude."

"Theo," he told her. "It's Theo."

"Do you read, Josie?" Theo asked her.

"Josephine, but please call me Ms. Williams," Josephine corrected him. It was far too improper for a man, especially one she had such a small acquaintance with, to be calling her by her first name. "But yes, I do read."

"What types of books are you interested in, Josie," Theo questioned. He watched Josephine's brow furrow in frustration with his insistence on calling her Josie, it made Theo smirk.

Instead of correcting him, Josephine launched into a giddy conversation about some her of favorite academic journals. Theo couldn't help but find Josephine's enthusiasm over academics charming and irresistible. He had to admit, he'd never met a girl who knew as much about science and mathematics as she did.

"Oh, your sister has arrived just in time for the social season!" Abigail exclaimed.

"She's far too young to be attending any social events," Daniel quickly added in. "Besides, she's agreed to help with housework in order to allow my wife more time to rest throughout her pregnancy."

"You must at least bring her to the picnic next weekend," Abigail told him. "Everyone is going, and it will be a great way for Josephine to meet more people around town."

"We'll see," Daniel said his voice stiff.

"Well," Abigail began to say after a silence that lasted slightly longer than usual. "We best be heading home; it's beginning to get dark out."

"Yes," Daniel said. "Let me walk you guys out."

"You know," Abigail began as soon as the Alden's got settled in their own home. "That was the worst tea I've ever had, what kind of girl doesn't know how to make tea?"

"It tasted just like hot water, with a hint of basil," Mary added in pulling her needle point back out.

"I quite like basil," Theo noted.

---------------------------

That's all for update 1. I hope everyone enjoyed, I have a lot of plans for Josephine and I'm excited to play through all of them.

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

i think the disconnect over what doctors and society sees as "getting better" does not match up with my expectations for it

doctors define getting better as being able to work and perform in a way that is indistinguishable from the people around you. it's basically "don't be a nuisance". you are expected to do anything you reasonably can to get to a baseline where other people can't tell you're in pain and you don't require government assistance. but even when it's that, they're often going off metrics that are based on their life experiences and not ours. many are able bodied with no serious mental ailments and they live their lives in fear of becoming us. they think if they had our problems, they would focus first and foremost on "getting better" because the idea of a wheelchair scares them. the idea of needing ANY help scares them, particularly if they are boomers, because older generations were raised to believe it's a weakness and a burden to need any help.

my idea of "getting better" is being able to do my hobbies without brain fog. it's not being deterred from fun activities because of my back pain. it's refusing to meditate because it actively makes my ptsd worse. it's using mobility aids in the airport because they prevent me from being in terrible pain and suffering the worst anxiety. it's asking for help when i need it. we do not have to "deserve" "luxuries" like quality time with people we love and the ability to do hobbies by torturing ourselves and performing for others, fuck that.

i once watched a documentary attempting to answer the question if disabled people can be truly happy. the documentary was made by a disabled man and interviewed different people with different disabilities. what struck me was a man with a birth defect that left him with no arms talking about how his whole life he was pressured into wearing and practicing with his prosthetic arms even when it hurt him. he much prefers to open doors with his feet and use self driving vehicles. but people to this day still pressure him to use less effective methods that hurt him. why would they do that to a perfectly healthy man? because THEY are uncomfortable and have not examined their own horror at the idea of what they would do if they didn't have a limb. they treat it as this end of the world thing, as if everyone should have to find a way to perform in the world the exact same way as they do or else they have an existential crisis. but you know what - fuck em. do (or don't do) the things that make your life worth living.

You know what? It’s fucking hard trying to get better. It’s exhausting managing doctors appointments, doing daily PT exercises, eating better, trying to exercise, trying to meditate, and doing ADL’s. I have had a bad crash per week trying to juggle and do all of the above.

It’s easier and less acutely painful to just coast and not actively work on ‘getting better’. Is the work worth it? I don’t know yet.

But to people who’ve tried and given up, to those who don’t even bother - you still deserve care and compassion.

[aangussca]

Research readings 1: Botany in art

Reading Notes: Barbara Nemitz and Hatje Cantz's Trans Plant - Living Vegetation in Contemporary Art (2000)

Humans are not only connected to plants through their importance to our survival and to scientific research. They're incredibly important for our cultural/creative and philosophical identities.

"Have we not always looked into nature in order to discover something about ourselves? Work with living plants is both an intimate." - Barbara Nemitz (2000)

"If art is about life, then it is sensible to realise living ideas with living materials." - Gary Rieveschl (Working Statements, 1999)

"[My landscape sculptures] Lifeforms are reference points for communications about the ideas they represent - signs along the way, attempt to provoke a closer relationship with the earth." - Gary Rieveschl (Working Statements, 1999)

"nature is our primary reality. the experience of nature is a universal human value. vegetation is the basis of our existence. in art, nature becomes revolution." - Herman De Vries (Vegetation and Art: 10 Theses, 1999)

"in dealing with vegetation or plants in art, the artist needs in-depth knowledge about what he is working with." - Herman De Vries (Vegetation and Art: 10 Theses, 1999)

"the restoration of natural relationships can be an artistic act." - Herman De Vries (Vegetation and Art: 10 Theses, 1999)

"The vegetable and the animal kingdoms are merged, with the artist as explorer." - Colette Garraud (about Erik Samakh's practice, 1999)

"Gardens may well reflect social structures, but they are first and foremost works of art. They reveal a great deal about the concept of ideal beauty prevailing at a given time, about aesthetic fashions and about the relationship between mankind and nature as immediate as in garden, in the space between the house and the landscape." - Hans Von Trotha (Der Englische Garten: Eine Reise durch seine Geschichte, 1999)

Case study 1: Hans Haacke

Description of Practice (1965): "...make something which experiences, reacts to its environment, changes, is non-stable...

...make something indeterminate, which always looks different, the shape of which cannot be predicted precisely...

...make something which cannot "perform" without the assistance of its environment...

...make something which reacts to light and temperature changes, is subject to air currents and whose function depends on the forces of gravity...

...make something which the "viewer" handles, with which he plays and thus animates...

...make something which lives in time and makes the "viewer" experiences time...

...articulate something natural..."

In order from left to right: Grass Grows (1969, installation - soil and grass), Gerichtetes Wachstum (Directed Growth) (1972, installation - soil and bean plants)

Case study 2: Samm Kunce

Description of Practice (1999): "I grew up in the 60s and 70s, ten minutes away from Disneyland. Most rights of passage took place there. Our tract house with garden and lawn existed where it shouldn't have - an artificial oasis in what is naturally a desert alongside dozens of others exactly like it. Then, when I was 19, I went alone to Japan. And I saw the gardens of Kyoto.

One might say I have an exaggerated sensitivity to the artificial partly because I was raised to think it was natural.

The human drive/impulse to control nature points to our acute discomfort in our own skins - viewing ourselves as a part of nature. We have cultured ourselves. So much so that it is, in fact, barely apparent, as we have become accustomed to our various (and increasingly less various) cultures that they have come to seem "natural". That tension between human consciousness and nature, how we dealt with it or not, both externally and internally, is the juncture at which I have repeated found myself critically and creatively.

I hope that as I continue I will be able to make works which clearly present questions for the viewer. I have no desire to propose answers. I hope to make environments to be noticed, opportunities for isolated experience. I am interested in edges and contrast and what happens when they meet - when the controlled goes wild and the fungus dries up. How grass grows and how we cut it back."

Water Culture (1994, installation - 5 units composed of lettuce growing in wood/PVC containers with water and electric lights)

Law of Desire (1995, installation - grass growing on apparatuses made up of felt, PVC, water pumps and LED Gro-lights)

Case study 3: Henrik Håkansson

Description of Practice (1999): "In a general sense, the work is, by personal interest, open research on biological behaviours in a social and cultural context. As a whole, it involves investigation and observation of living matter, its limits and extensions. The concept and strategy are to reflect and extend different aspects of environmental and biodiverse structures - to develop and construct possibilities for interspecies interaction and communication. In the end, living matter itself is unpredictable, and this I find quite intriguing.

After Forever (ever all) is based on the process of building environments and on the extensions of plant physiology. The work is developed further to be viewed and experienced as a painting of a forest, a reflective state of mind, and romantic view of a vanishing point in our coexistence."

After Forever (ever all) (1998, installation - plants and mixed media)

[ahopkins1965]

Are we both teachers and students in our personal lives?

This is a very special blog that pertains to the traditional roles that we portray in our lives as human beings. The primary question is we both teachers and students in our personal lives? Are we fulfilling both roles at the same time? The answer to this question is yes. Why? This is because as children we are born from the wombs of our mothers. Frankly, life begins inside of the womb as soon as conception takes place. It's that when we emerge as human creatures from the womb of our parents; we go through a process of learning.

Next, a child learns a lot from his parents from guidance and direction that we receive from our parents growing up. This means that we are students first and foremost. This is because values are instilled from our parents on how to become good citizens of this country that we live. I would like to add that no matter how old we are in our lives, this means that we are still learning how to live as people inside of a changing environment. Although our parents have done their very best to properly give us the training that we need to become successful; it is that we are still students in life.

Further, as far as the role of the teacher is concerned, this role is fulfilled in our lives as people because we soon must learn how to give advice to others. Like the old saying goes; just pray each day!!!!!! As teachers of life, a person is supposed to give guidance, kindness, love, and respect towards mankind. This means leading another person in the right direction. If we cannot give this loving kindness and advice to others in need, then we must make adjustments in our personal lives ourselves. By doing so, we must have a power that is greater than your own self to help you.

Moreover, my life right now consists of giving good advice to others and putting things in perspective by staying positive. I do this by sharing what God has done for me so far in my life. In spite of all of my personal obstacles, I am able to give advice and assistance if necessary. This makes me a teacher and a student of life. This is simply because I am teaching someone else and learning from the next person. Learning is when one applies knowledge and digests it and processes it inside of the brain. It is ingested from what we see, hear, smell, touch, and taste through our five senses. The knowledge that applies here is from the information from others. It is information consisting of facts, data, numbers, and what is obtained through what is right in front of our own eyes.

In addition, learning is important because it enables humans to receive information that is beneficial and pertinent. Also, as far a being teachers and students of life are concerned, it is very important to gain as much information from others as possible. This enables us as humans to find out what character, values, morals, and habits that other human beings have inside of them. There are many answers to this important question.

First, we must learn how to analyze the character of others by spending time with them. This is called direct observation. Direct observation is when one spends time with another or a specific group and learn how each member behave inside of the group. Second, a person has to write down specific notes about a person or group to study their personal habits and behavior. The definition of human behavior is a behavior that is learned or applied through observation and applied by practice. Third, when a person's character has a lot to do with actions from others and how they use these actions are used inside of a society or community at large.

Finally, the question is we both teachers and students in our personal lives? Yes!!!!! As human beings we are both teachers and students as long as we exist. As long as there is a planet earth, there are teachers and students in life and this is mankind. Mankind itself is the teachers and students simultaneously. This is a dual role that must be fulfilled in life as long as life, air, matter, water, mammals, and everything else exist.

[nickoftimemoving]

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[raeseddon]

I hate to want to put that Arthur meme of Buster saying "you mean people would go on the internet? And tell lies?" here but it's really unfortunately appropriate. I'm also an older Millennial but instead of my dad being the one to fall down the right-wing rabbit hole, it's my mom. She moved to Florida and that just made her absolutely spiral, though I suspect she was always significantly more right wing than she let on, and the reason it seemed like she wasn't growing up was because she was married to someone who spent his entire teenage and adult life going to civil rights marches and getting tossed in jail and pepper-sprayed, but that's neither quite here nor there.

Kids whose parents put a screen/ the internet in front of their faces from a very young age can be some of the most gullible people alive. (I love you Gen Z, but some of you have Some Shit to work on.) They believe every TikTok they see about mental illness, politics, social justice, you name it: even if the next one they scroll to has all of the opposite opinions/conclusions of the last one. And a lot of why they react so wildly to having things like obvious propaganda pointed out to them is that being wrong about something freaks them out.

This applies to the process of radicalization as well because when someone doesn't know how to react appropriately to being wrong about something, another person can step in and say,"That person made you feel that way on purpose, they're The Enemy" and it works a treat. That's the easiest way TERFs spread their rhetoric especially. They trawl through social media, looking for people of a certain age, and look for the maybe one time they had a misconception about queer identity and someone ripped them apart for it, and contact them saying that "actually that person is wrong because they were an asshole to you" and from that moment on that person is on the hook and are now a potential subject for radicalization.

When our generation first had access to the internet it was, first and foremost a tool, and secondly a new form of communication. We were taught the exact same lessons about being careful about what you say to who that our parents were teaching us anyway for real life social situations. And that's something I don't see mentioned a lot when people our age boggle at how the younger generations can just put everything out there about themselves without a single thought to how it can be used against them. In my experience, everyone I grew up with had their parents teaching them basic social interaction red flags/ways of protecting ourselves that we were going to use in our every-day, not-permanently-connected lives. These things weren't just for the internet.

What changed is that parents got insanely protective, and places where teenagers could interact safely in public outside of their parents purview were swept away in the course of a generation. So parents didn't see the need to teach their kids these skills because, well, they can watch everything they do now thanks to The Wonders of the Internet. If mommy and daddy were always going to be there, why were these skills necessary, all while ignoring their own impending mortality.

So, so many of those skills were about detecting deceit/maliciousness, especially when it's wrapped in a polite package: that treating strangers and even family members you were unfamiliar with, with a certain amount of suspicion was a good thing, and the number one lesson: to actively interrogate someone's intentions until they've proven in someway they were trustworthy.

A lot of kids just don't have these skills because their parents assumed that they would be able to surveil every interaction their children had, since their primary way of connecting to others was now the internet. And a lot of those parents don't actually know how to recognize radicalization, especially when their kid seems so content/happy/comfortable with the person on the other side of the screen, because these people know there's a good chance the parents are watching/reading.

This is why I do my best to never be The Asshole to a younger kid because there is always someone there ready to weaponize my words.

Lost followers after reblogging that whole thing about JKR being radicalized over the years, and that disturbs me.

Like if you think saying that people can be radicalized and manipulated into hate is somehow justifying it, yikes. And if you think that people are somehow just good or evil and that you are not at risk of buying into propaganda, have I got some very red flag news about that!

Idk if its because I am an older Millennial maybe (most who unfollowed were younger) but I watched a ton of that generation slide from one of the most progressive to the far right before my every eyes. Hell, my dad fought alongside his black friends in the Detroit race riots and now he watches Fox News 24/7 and talks about the border wall. Yet still claims he could never be racist because of how he used to be. He doesn’t even realize what he has become.

JKR isn’t a deluded old woman or innately evil, but in fact THE prime example of how well-meaning ignorance and privilege can be weaponized and encouraged down a pipeline, until it turns into a force of hate, and should be a cautionary tale about why educating and being open about these issues are necessary. Because there are those out there who will use those divisions and ignorance to their own ends. And just digging in our heels and saying “that could never be me!” is the very thing that puts you more at risk. I’ve lost so many loved ones down that pipeline and it is more slippery than most realize.

Stay alert, stay compassionate, stay humble, and make sure you move through life guided by reason rather than reaction. I love y’all and don’t want to see your passion twisted to get used against the world.

[contagion808]

On Regret: Echo Chambers and the Importance of Values in Gaining Ownership Over Ourselves

I recently have been thinking that I don’t have very few substantial regrets regarding my past, and that’s because I believe regret, along with guilt, are the consequences of actions which are in disagreement with our values. To put it simply, we have higher chances of regretting something we’ve done impulsively or when our judgement was clouded, rather than something which was analysed thoroughly.

Regret cannot be avoided, and it shouldn’t be, as it has its role in our social development and a healthy amount of regret could set us back on the right track sometimes. However, I believe there are ways of minimising it by staying true to our values, with all the actions it involves like being in touch with ourselves, setting boundaries, taking time to reflect, and acting in a way that accurately represents how we are within.

I believe our nature is to be good, as good as an animalic nature can be. (Here I make an exception to the obvious rarer cases in which extreme circumstances or neurological imbalances drive others to commit heinous crimes and have a severe lack of empathy. The essay is aimed towards the largest demographic, the average person). Yes, it is easier to harm than do good, and yes, we are inclined towards selfishness and cynicism, but I’m certain that comes from a hyper fixation on the things exterior to ourselves. In short, in my opinion (and John Stuart Mill’s), people can be better individuals and be content with each other if first and foremost, they are at peace with who they are.

We don’t need to fix the society, we need to fix the individual, but we can only fix him if he wants to. No help can be given forcefully.

Whenever people notice deviant, harmful behaviours, they all start yelling “Let’s do better! Let’s be more united! We need more love!” in unison. Or, they wish them the worst. Neither of these approaches help in any way, and if anything, only reveals the character of the one who points the finger. To those people, I don’t wish happiness, love nor to find God. Instead, I wish they can get to the essence of who they are, live according to their values, and be able to say wholeheartedly one day that they are glad they did so, as it’s a state just as rewarding as it is difficult to get to.

We’re constantly being bombarded with all sorts of information, to the point that it feels as if we don’t have any discernment over our actions, and that our minds are everything but our own. I believe that this might be a hugely overlooked reason why more and more people seem to have identities fluid to the point of disassociation, being easily propagandised and radicalised against one another, turning towards all sorts of distractions to stop themselves from introspection, and being overall extremely dissatisfied with their lives (whether they like to admit it to themselves or not).

Without beating too much around the bush, it is obvious that technology evolved way quicker than humans could realistically properly adapt to. Here, by adaptation I don’t mean being able to learn a new gadget with ease, but the deeper implications of what having to give in to endless new devices and media implies. Socially, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually, humans weren’t ready for such a rapid technological development. And this is precisely why, despite living in the so-called most convenient times, the omnipresent frustration which can be felt every time you go on the internet is evident.

A behaviour I noticed among my close ones’ social media usage, and which I’m sure represents a common practice, is that whenever a new post catches one’s attention, before even finishing to read or listen to the entire video, the person opens the comment section. This pattern is so wide-spread, that many videos which have even the slightest shock effect to them, one of the top comments will always be somewhere among the lines of “I ran straight to the comments when I saw-”.

“Humans are social animals, of course it is instinctual to constantly seek a sense of community and be concerned with what others will think” you’ll say, and that is something I won’t argue against. But now the current context makes me involuntarily draw a parallel in my head whether this extreme of a concern for others’ opinions has always been part of our society, or is something that we are yet to become aware of as is a phenomenon still so fresh. Naturally, is easier to analyse the past: it gives us a bunch of information which we can put together like a puzzle should we wish to dedicate some of our time to it. While in the middle of an event, the judgement is clouded by all the information we’re fed. It’s difficult to accurately judge how big a crowd is until you’re out of it and you see it from a distance.

‘How do you even get out?’, you might ask. And to that I will answer 'One step at a time’. 'And how do you know when to get out?’. 'When you start feeling suffocated.’

However, through the refusal to engage in this mass-psychosis, it is essentially impossible to live in today’s society. And as much as I do recommend occasional periods of minimal contact with others, I am aware it’s increasingly more difficult to have the privilege to do so, and that it is also certainly not for everyone; just as it can be beneficial, if approached incorrectly, it can also cause more harm than good. So the key approach towards engaging with today’s media and overall culture, all while keeping a sense of autonomy over ourselves, is moderation, self-awareness, combined with the so-needed grain of skepticism.

With the constant exposure to information, and the implicit impossibility of avoiding it altogether, it naturally becomes extremely difficult to accurately categorise everything that’s thrown at us. 'Thankfully’, the internet gets to decide to categorise everything for us, including what kind of person we are and what is suitable for us through the ever-present algorithm. As with any kind of categorisation, while it seemingly benefits the one who makes the assumption and gives them clues on how to best approach another, it comes at the disadvantage of the one who is put in a box. Why? Because it makes it increasingly difficult for the 'victim’ to be seen as anything more than X or Y and further isolates the individual into a space 'suitable for others like him’.

So while a person can now much easier find communities of other people exactly like them thanks to the algorithm, it also limits their expansion anywhere further beyond that space. If a social platform picked on the fact that you like cooking videos, gaming, and cats, that’s all you will ever see on your page unless you decide to look for something else. From a highly-complex individual perspective, the way the algorithm works will never seem advantageous, human beings are more than a 2D image on a screen, can have more than the maximum of 5 interests, and the internet is not designed in any way that does human individual complexity justice. If anything, through excessive internet usage, people are developing in a strangely-linear, inhuman way.

In relation to this, I can’t seem to avoid mentioning an idea I came to recently. The internet, through the way it’s designed, feeds into a false sense of identity and community which is exclusively valid within its parameters, and automatically cancels out when returning to the real world. Through engagement in echo chambers, the individual gains a feeling of an utopian community that is fundamentally null when not in a virtual space.

After repeatedly gaining sense of comfort through the overestimation of the prevalence of people similar to them, when the daily real life seems to be otherwise, the frustration one feels is much more intense than if they weren’t to experience any sense of community to begin with. A notable disadvantage of habit.

When belonging into any sort of community, online or offline, you naturally get 'plagued’ with ideas, ideals, and images of how the typical person from the group should be like which the members more or less consciously adopt. The absolutely necessary parallel to draw and carefully observe in this particular situation and which connects to the entire concept of values as a way of minimising regret, is the following:

A person unsure in themselves will see the community as an advantage, with an extreme appeal; after all, it gives them the opportunity to 'explore’ who they are. A person who already knows what they stand for and what they believe in will see the community as disadvantageous, and will be substantially more hesitant to engage in group activities.

It is important to note that here I’m not advising being close-minded and firmly rejecting everything that stands in opposition to what you think ('I will not be dancing with you at your birthday party because I am not a dancer’). Staying open-minded is very much in the centre of the grey area of self-discovery, while communities of any sort tend to step out of the grey area.

'But you can learn so much from within a community!’. Yes, you can, but can learning from one side of the coin only be considered valid knowledge? And are you doing it because you want to learn something, or because you lack a sense of self and are seeking to be attributed a definition from outside? Certainly, most people are in the second category, but very few, if any at all, would have the courage to admit it.

Most times, knowing alone doesn’t seem to be enough when part of a group, as many of them have systems similar to a loyalty card when it comes to how dedicated one is to the cause they’re promoting, and how 'good’ of a member they are. The first example I can think of is the notorious Christian missionaries, as I believe everyone has interacted with them at least once and probably even viewed them poorly for being so 'brain-washed’ at times. Of course, it is much easier to notice certain behaviours in others, and especially when they show up as religious extremism, but instead of pointing fingers, we should take it as an opportunity to self-reflect.

'Oh, but I’m not extremist like they are and I’m not trying to convert anyone!’. I’m not suggesting self-reflection for this reason alone. Obviously, no two cases will be the same, and just because you might be an atheist doesn’t mean the advice doesn’t apply to you. Think of how many times you acted extreme in discussions with others, of any nature, but particularly in the ones concerning debating of some kind. In my opinion, if you find it impossible to stay composed during a debate and not turn aggressive or persuasive, you shouldn’t engage in debates. Not being able to have an objective conversation, and repeatedly implying the another is of lower intelligence unless they share your point of view is substantially more disrespectful and shameful than simply refusing to discuss to begin with.

That is something I’m still working on myself. For this reason, I’m extremely selective with who I choose to engage with in conversations of sensitive matter. The ones who use the internet and television as their main information source are automatically ineligible for the reasons previously mentioned. It takes two people to tango, and it is up to each of us to learn how to dance before we step on a stage.

'But only through conversation we can get to the essence of things!’. Yes and no, and that depends exclusively on the type of person you choose to discuss with. Anybody who thinks radically will not respect your opinion, and a debate should be had only in the case you fancy arguing and winning yourself an enemy for free. It is also important to consider the person’s education, and here I don’t mean formal education (diplomas and certificates aren’t proof of intelligence, but that’s an essay for another time), but how wide their general knowledge is. The wider the knowledge, the higher the chances they will be able to see your perspective as well even when at opposite poles.

Just as it is important to choose our information sources carefully, it is equally important to know who we can have certain conversations with, and who to be more careful around.

When discussing politics for example, knowledge in politics alone doesn’t instantly make one apt enough to be having political debates with others. In order to properly analyse an event in its entirety, knowledge of economics, history, sociology, and even cultural psychology is needed. So a bit of self-awareness regarding the size of our boat is necessary before we decide to embark on a difficult journey. Having someone else make you feel foolish is a shameful ego hit. Admitting to yourself that you are a bit of a fool, recognising when a situation is out of your expertise, and choosing to not embark on the boat until you feel better prepared is a much wiser decision.

Especially if you hold unconventional beliefs and you wish to live harmoniously with lots of people, I advise not sharing them freely with everyone not because they don’t deserve to be heard, but because once they are out in the world, people use them to judge your value based on them. People promote freedom of speech, but realistically, they don’t want to surround themselves with people who contradict and question their worldview. While someone might not instantly turn against you after you voiced your opinion, you can still notice a slight expression of disappointment and disgust. That is, because it’s easier to moralise others, and a lot of people would much rather close their ears off and point fingers than attempt to understand; the latter requiring a level of understanding that a majority hasn’t reached within themselves.

How could you pour into another’s cup when your jug is empty?

So you have to choose between lying and betraying yourself for the sake of social harmony, and leaving the constraints behind to live the difficult, yet increasingly rewarding individualism. Friends and family aim to teach us how to be better with others. Time spent alone teaches you how to be better by yourself.

Turn your attention within and keep digging. You will find your heart beating, and underneath it lies your truth.

So, if you want to learn something new, and objectively be able to analyse for yourself what is closest to the truth, is best to keep searching independently and quiet down your mind from others’ screams. When alone, you are absolutely free to make mistakes, correct and come back to a different result over and over again. You are your own judge. And what better way to exercise your judgement and power other than when you have complete freedom over both action and consequence? You can either rise or bury yourself; it’s entirely your responsibility to keep yourself balanced.

Most importantly, it makes you value time, and not take others’ presence for granted whenever you do choose to pursue relationships with others. As you grow to see the time spent alone highly, you become increasingly aware of how you get to spend it, and most importantly, on who.

In the age of technology, attention is the most valuable thing we could offer as consumers. Attention, just as time, is something that many give to others freely without thinking much about it. As it isn’t a physical good which we can feel with our hands and see with our eyes, we don’t seem to be as attached to it as we would be with our valuables. Paradoxically, the things which we don’t keep track of, seem to slip through our fingers the fastest, and we wake up one day to realise we threw years, decades of our lives in the fountain. If there is something we should, and it is absolutely justified to be selfish with, that is our time.

No matter what you do, there’ll always be regrets. But no regret is worse than realising you lived a life that’s not yours; a life full of rules that weren’t your own, opinions you didn’t come to yourself, experiences you never got to experience first-hand. A life without a clear beginning, with an ambiguous open conclusion.

22:50, Sun 10.11.24

[kcenvs3000s24]

My Ideal Environmental Interpreter Role

My ideal role as an environmental interpreter would be to lead small groups on immersive hiking or paddling expeditions into remote natural settings. This wouldn’t be a scripted or pre-planned tour focused on a single theme, timeline, or precise destination. Instead, it would be more spontaneous, rooted in what we encounter as we move through the landscape, and can be catered to what the group is drawn towards. If a particular plant catches someone's interest, we might stop to identify it, discussing its role in the ecosystem, its medicinal uses, or how it's affected by climate change. Coming across an animal in its habitat, we could quietly observe, learning about its behaviour, its connections in the food chain, and how it interactively exists with the surrounding environment. Through this kind of spontaneous exploration, participants would gain a deeper understanding of the interconnections within ecosystems without viewing ourselves as a disconnected component. 

For such a role, a wide range of skills would be necessary. First and foremost, a high level of physical fitness, outdoor survival, navigation and wilderness first aid skills would be required to lead groups across difficult terrains and ensure safety for all participants within different situations. All participants in the group would also be required to meet a standard physical ability: to carry their own gear, live without modern amenities and would likely have some outdoor experience.  I would also need to build a deep understanding of local history, terrain, climate, flora and fauna; as the only backup resources would be field guides and maps. 

Strong interpersonal skills are crucial not only for teaching but for fostering a collaborative and welcoming environment. I would need to explain ecological concepts and involve the group by using close up or direct examples and observations. I would encourage the group to look for information in field guides and from their own observational skills to identify plants, animals, or geological features. This will help the group feel more confident in being able to explore on their own. There is also additional focus on creating a sense of community within the group, fostering open dialogue and shared experiences, where participants learn not just from me but also from each other. This approach would help deepen their connection to the natural world while strongly promoting teamwork, mutual respect, personal reflection and growth. 

The ideal setting for this kind of work could be in any protected natural areas of the world: national parks, wildlife reserves, or remote wilderness regions. These locations provide a wealth of biodiversity and ecological processes that serve as living classrooms. Ultimately, the goal would be to create transformative experiences like I've gotten to experience on expeditions: led by amazing mentors and creating strong bonds with the people and places around you. Striving to leave participants with lasting memories, new outlooks on nature and a desire to engage in environmental stewardship in their own lives.