#We don't do anything with dignity ;; (musings)

[coreofgold]

Grog Strongjaw tag drop !

I have an intelligence of six I know what I'm doing (Grog interacts)

I would like to rage ! (Grog muses)

No one kills you but me (Vax'ildan Vessar)

Your secret is safe with my indifference (Percival de Rolo)

We don't do anything with dignity ! (Vex'ahlia Vessar)

You leave when Burt Reynolds tells you to leave (Scanlan Shorthalt)

She turns into a goldfish (Keyleth of the Air Ashari)

You're my best friend except now glows in the dark (Pike Trickfoot)

[nc-vb]

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚, 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐰𝐚, & 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐮𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐬

a long time coming that I've meant to compile a list, but it just kept growing and growing and growing...

the webtoon list includes my very personal & important in-my-heart recommendations. aaaaand the rest are mostly smutty, kinky, and even a little dark.......... do not perceive, just enjoy. and support the official author's work and translations if you can!!

if there are any in this list you'd like a heads up about before reading, feel free to drop me an ask and I'll give you my honest opinion/review.

if you're having trouble locating anything, shoot me an ask (because i have most, if not all, of the links saved).

and feel free to gush to me if you liked any of them!! i'm always happy to talk about mmm's.

[updated july 3rd, 2023] - newly added titles are in green.

𝐵𝐿 = boy's love genre 𝐆𝐋 = girl's love genre 𝟏+ = includes harems & poly relationships ❤ = absolute masterpieces, highly recommended! ! = proceed with extreme caution/heed all warnings

please heed all warnings and tags found within each of these recommendations, as well as my own warnings from the symbol legend above and found throughout this post.

some of these are sfw and some aren't. some of these aren't for the faint of heart and will be marked to be read at your own risk. additionally, not all are translated into English. 𝐵𝐿/𝐆𝐋 are separate from the general list.

𝐖𝐄𝐁𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐍

A Messy Fairy Tale 𝟏+

A Summer Night's Dream

Age Matters ❤

Back to You

Bailin and Li Yun BL❤

Bitten Contract

Boyfriend of the Dead

Castle Swimmer BL

City of Blank

Dating With a Tail

Daytime Star

Devil Number 4 ❤

Devilish Romance

Down to Earth

Dreaming Freedom

Ghost Wife

Ghostly Buddie

Half-Ghost

Harem of LuuAnh

Hello Baby ❤

I'm the Grim Reaper

I Love Yoo ❤

It's Mine

Jeff's Disorders

Kind of Confidential

Little Rain

Lore Olympus ❤

Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell ❤

Mage & Demon Queen GL

Marry Me!

Maybe Meant to Be

Meow Man

Midnight Poppy Land

Midnight Rain

Mom, I'm Sorry

Morgana and Oz

Muse on Fame

My Beloved Emperor

My Dear Cold-Blooded King

My Four Husbands 𝟏+

My In-Laws are Obsessed with Me ❤

My Lovely Bodyguard

Nice to Meet You

Not Even Bones

Operation: True Love ❤

Pastel-colored Pages

Phase

Scorching Romance

See You in My 19th Life ❤

Selina ~ Moon Bride ~

Siren's Lament ❤

Soleil

Space Boy

Strange and Wild

SubZero

Swimming Lessons for a Mermaid ❤

Take Off BL

The Devil is a Handsome Man

The First Night With the Duke ❤

The Guy Upstairs

The Newlywed Diary of a Witch and a Dragon ❤

The RUNWAY

There Must Be Happy Endings

To the Stars and Back BL

Trapped ❤

Unlovable Replacement

When Jasy Whistles ❤❤

Winter Woods

Your Smile is a Trap ❤

𝐒𝐅𝐖

Abe-kun's Got Me Now! (Abe-kun ni Nerawaretemasu)

A Master, Who Woke Up As a Concubine ❤

And Yet, You Are So Sweet (Na no ni, Chigira-kun amasugiru)

Beloved in-Laws (poor transl.)

Bon Appétit ❤

Don't Blush, Sekime

Forget My Husband, I'll Go Make Money (Aug 2023)

Golden Forest !

I, My, Me, Mine ❤ (アイマイミーマイン)

I Became the Male Lead's Adopted Daughter

I Can't Keep Up With My Stallion Duke ❤❤

I Will Change the Genre

I Will Rewrite the Dead End Novel

In the Clear Moonlit Dusk ❤ (Uruwashi no Yoi no Tsuki)

It's My Destiny to Be the Hero's Saviour !

Kubo Won't Let Me Be Invisible

Love's in Sight!

Loving Yamada at Lv 999 ❤❤❤

Male Lead, I'll Respect Your Taste !

Ookami no Musume ❤❤

Pink and Habanero ❤ (Pink to Habanero)

Protected by My Dragon Knight (Seijo wa Ryuukishi-sama ni Mamorarete)

Scary Faced High Schooler and Miss Plain Jane

Second Life of a Trash Princess

Sinking too deep in your rabbit hole, now I'm drowning in your love

Stella Next to Me ❤ (Tonari no Stella)

The Cunning Princess and the Shark ❤

The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity ❤ (Kaoru Hana wa Rin to Saku)

The Muscle Girl Next Door

The Obsessive Second Male Lead Has Gone Wild

The Reasons We Fall in Love ❤ (Watashi-tachi ga koisuru riyuu)

The Tyrant's Comfort Doll !

To the Dear F-Phantom of the Opera (Shinai naru F e: Opera-za no Kaijin)

Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun ❤ (Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun)

Vampire Lord's Greatest Wife ❤

Welcome to the Yandere Cafe (rating subject to change)

Yojouhan no Ibara Hime

𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐅𝐖

あざと可愛い✕くんの執着サド交尾は本物です x!!!

無能力巫女は狛犬の淫紋快楽���け x❤!

2LDK IKEMEN Tsuki Bukken Arimasu !!

A Dream Between the Sheets ❤❤

A Gentle Sea Monster and a Lonely Girl !

A Predator in a Skirt !

A Sip of Poison !

Boy's Abyss (subject to change, new read) !!

Childhood Friend's Secret Massage !

Consort to the Fox Spirit Lord

Dark Fall !

Depths of Malice !

Devoured by a Bookworm Girl !

Fire in His Fingertips ❤

Former Delinquent Farmer's Sex Appeal is Dangerous!

From Him to Who? ~Sex With My Body-Snatched Husband ❤

Gokudou to Omega - Mukidashi no Katsuai

Hana's Demons of Lust !

Hare-kon 𝟏+

Heat 200 Meters Away (200 M Saki no Netsu)

Honey, I'm Going On a Strike!

How to Make a Frigid Girl Cum

I'm in Love With Mr. Hanabusa

Lady K and the Sick Man ❤❤

Last Order wa Ojou-san de Dekiai Jouren Kyaku ni Kyuuai saretemasu

Junai - Pure Wet Love

Kuma to Tora ~Taikakusa Osananajimi no Hajimete kara, Kemono ni Naru 2-kakan made~ x

Madoka Exorcist ❤!

Mede Little Roy !

Mr. Tada is a Top Performer

Muttsuri Akazukin-kun kara wa nige rarenai

My Cold Co-worker Obsessively Loves Me

Pet Baby Doll

Pygmalion's Savior is a Big But Immature Love Monster !❤

Red Hot Proposal: Surrounded by His Tanned Body

Sadistic Beauty !!!!

Sakaki the Lazybones Shows His Talents at Night ❤❤

Sapphire Dew ~ Infatuated Gentlemanly Boyfriend Seizes the Initiative !

Seishun no Hekireki

Seriously can't pass this up. - Kohai's passionate sex won't stop until morning

Sinful Nun Pays Penitence to the Serpent ❤❤

Spring Amidst My Wintertide ❤

Superstitious Nine ❤

Sweet Lies Layered Like a Mille Feuille ❤

Tadano Renai Nanka de Kikkonai ❤❤

The Golden Forest !

The Goldfish’s Corpse Lies at the Bottom of the Swamp !!!!!!!!

The Greengrocer is a Carnivore in Bed!?

The Man Who Saved Me in My Isekai Trip Was a Killer!!!!!!!

The Neighbor in Room 203 Disappeared Leaving a Key Behind !!!!!!!

The Reincarnated Saint Falls for the Demon Lord

The Tainted Half !

The Virgin Witch

The Weird Senior in the Seat Next to Me ❤❤❤! (Tonari Senpai)

Toshishita Osananajimi ga Watashi o Shibatte Hanasa nai! x

Totem's Realm

Touching is Better Than Looking

Under the Oak Tree

Until the Obedient Bodyguard Exposes the Body and the Lie of the Fake Lady ❤

"Wanna Cum?" The Pure Taiga Advances Slow and Sweet ❤❤

Welcome to the Muscle Salon ❤❤❤

When Beauty Meets Beasts

When You Are Reincarnated As The villain NPC's Girl And Be Loved By The Strongest Prince Who Is Not A Capture Target !!

Wild Eyes

Will You Pledge Your Love to an Incubus?

Wish Upon a Husband

Yaba Ai Instructor !

You're Too Cute for Me to Be Gentle

𝐁𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐒

4 Week Lovers BL

A Handless Day BL!

A Hot Wet Job for Three -Adult Toy Tester- BL, 𝟏+

A Kiss for You, My Shinobi BL

A Tree Without Roots BL❤!

Angel Buddy BL❤❤

Bidou Wakadanna Koi Shitau Wa Koushoku Otoko BL❤

Bitten by Moonlight BL

Black Mirror BL!!!

Blind Play BL!!

Can't Think Straight BL

Cherry Blossoms After Winter BL

Confession Night BL

Dangerous Convenience Store BL

Dawn of the Dragon BL

Dear Door BL

DEATH or LOVE BL

Delinquent Omega Belongs to the Beast King BL

Demon of Lustful Hell BL

Desharow Merman BL❤

Die If You Aren't a Virgin BL

Eat Me Up, My Husband BL!

Ennead

Eunsoo's Good Day BL

Eye Contact BL

Fake Fact Lips BL

Frenemies: Thicker Than Blood BL❤

Friends, Engaged

Fucking in the Dorms BL!

Ghost Gate BL!!!!!

Healing Paradox BL❤

He's a Better Top Than Me?! BL

Home Far Away BL❤!!!

Horeta Otoko wa Shin'yuu de BL!

Housekeeper's Love Affair BL

How to convince your best friend to sleep with you BL

Hyperventilation BL❤❤❤

I Didn't Ask You to Eat Me!

I Love You, Nothing Else Matters BL❤

In an Empty Classroom BL

Indigo BL

I Ship My Rival x Me BL

It's Just a Dream... Right? BL❤❤❤

Jinx BL!

Kabukicho Bad Trip BL

Kiss de Egaku Ittousei BL❤

Kiss Me, Liar BL!

Lala no Kekkon BL!

Liveta BL

Love in Kitsch BL

Love is an Illusion BL!

Love Jinx BL❤

Low Tide in Twilight BL!!

Mad Dog BL❤❤

Miscreants and Mayhem BL

Missing Love BL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<I cannot express this enough.)

My Delicious Dream Boy BL❤

My Demon Crybaby, Maria BL

My Partner Suddenly Got Younger - An Omega Caretaker Plays Alpha BL!

Natsu no Teppen ni Saku BL

Old-Fashioned Cupcake BL❤❤ (has a j-drama)

Pain, Sweet Pain BL

Passion BL

Payback BL❤❤❤

Pearl Boy BL❤!!!!!!

Pink Heart Jam BL❤❤

Please, Candy! BL!

Roses and Champagne BL!

Sadistic Beauty: Side Story BL!!!!!!

Secret Inside My Head BL❤❤❤

Semantic Error BL (has a j-drama)

Sensei wa Nekketsu ga Areba Juubunda! BL!

Sick BL

Sign BL❤❤❤

Sketch BL❤

Speak of the Devil BL

Steel Under Silk BL❤

Surge Looking for You BL❤

Sweet Trap BL

Tabetemo Oishiku Arimasen BL

Tentacle Recipe BL(?)❤

The Blessed Life of a Retired Nian Monster BL

The Crybaby's at the Mean Devil's Mercy BL❤

The Foxy Mouse's Romance BL

The Origin of Species BL!

The Pizza Delivery Man and the Gold Palace BL

The Pure-Hearted Puppy and the Erotic Tattoo BL❤

The Silent Concubine BL!

The Unquenchable Mr. Kim BL❤

The Words in Your Snare BL❤❤❤

To Take An Enemy's Heart BL!

Tomodachi Engagement BL

Trick Turned Into a Threesome With the Tachibana Brother BL

Under the Greenlight BL

Unexpectedly Naughty Fukami BL❤

Unromantic Romance BL❤

Young Lover BL!!

Your Wish is My Command BL❤

Yours to Claim BL

Zenryaku, Onii-chan wa Seijo ni Narimashita BL!

more recommendations will likely be added as time goes on! feel free to copy these recs for your own checklist of 'to reads'.

hope you enjoy them like i did! :)

[crownmemes]

Immortal Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences for immortal muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"None of us go on forever. Not really."

"The world changes. We do not."

"People die. Don't act like you just figured that out."

"Becoming a doctor doesn't make you a healer."

"I'm flesh and blood, but not human."

"Whatever history remembers of me, if it remembers anything at all, it shall only be a fraction of the truth."

"Woah, woah, woah! Are you okay to drive? A minute ago, you were dead!"

"It's easier to die than to watch someone die."

"I haven't been human for 200 years."

"You would have thought that once you were dead, all your troubles would be over, wouldn't you?"

"I wake up sometimes and I think to myself 'how the hell am I still alive'."

"You just won't die, will you?"

"You want to know my past, hm?"

"Tell me something - were you ever young?"

"We all have our ghosts."

"You live, and you die, and the difference doesn't affect a single person in the whole world. It's as if you hadn't been here in the first place."

"This is typical of you! Why can't you stay dead like everybody else?"

"I have no intention of dying. I have far too much to do."

"Do you ever imagine what it's like to die?"

"I was in love once."

"Forgive me if I have a lingering respect for life."

"I remember too much."

"You're an old soul."

"You're in love with your mortal nature. You resist what can bring you peace."

"You're my only remaining link to the world."

"For me to be loved for the first time ever... You can't imagine what it's like."

"You want them to believe that you're a god? You and I both know that you're not."

"You can live with dignity, but you can’t die with it."

"I know the truth. I know who you really are."

[outmakingmoonshine]

(Some of) my hopes (and some theories) for S3

The number 1 thing I want is a scene after Nat's had her baby where Carmy sees Syd holding the baby and his entire world stops bc that's all he wants for his future 😭 If Sydcarmy kiss or something I'll be happy and I'll reblog every single gif of it like a normal person BUT if we get a Syd holding the baby scene I'm gonna be uncontrollable on every social media platform available. I might even post it on Reddit and watch the meltdown! This is where the bar of my expectation is for S3. If we get this (or anything remotely like it) I'll be so satisfied, any other good thing that happens between Sydcarmy will be a bonus for me.

We know we're getting a Syd x Pete scene and I want a Carmy x Pete scene where Pete's talking about how great Syd is and Carmy can't help but warm to him a bit more. The potential relationships between Syd x Pete and Pete x Carmy are so important to me 🥹 my three awkward, anxious lonely babies (Pete's not lonely now but I think he probably was once upon a time and the Berzatto men singling him out of the family must make him feel lonely and not good enough :( I love Carmy but I will fight him for Pete's dignity and honour!)

Putting the rest under a cut because it's mostly just my musings and ramblings

I want Nat to say something to Carmy about his relationship with Syd. Nat saw their dynamic before Claire came, she saw Syd's reaction to Claire, how sydcarmy's dynamic changed when Claire was around and how Carmy ditching her made Syd feel. She didn't witness all of that for nothing. Someone's gotta tell Carmy how he's been (unintentionally) making Syd feel and I doubt it'll be Syd.

I need to see Richie start respecting Pete at least a little bit. Carmy's already kind of made a step towards respecting and even appreciating Pete for who he is a bit more but I need to see it from Richie too because I'm pretty sure he's the one who leads that little mob mentality against Pete. Even if it doesn't actually happen this season, I need to see it heading in that direction because Pete doesn't deserve all this slander 😭 I need Richie and Carmy to start seeing that the only difference between them and Pete is that he's mature and confident in who he is. They're both not confident in who they are so their only way of feeling like they're above him/better than him is to make fun of him for it. (IRL grown adults with this infantile mentality get on my last nerve so I need to see them come to a realization soon.)

I want Donna to make amends and start finding peace. I know she's technically an antagonist in this story but it really bothers me the way people dismiss her as if she's some monster like we aren't watching Carmy treat the people he loves the exact same way she does. If we can empathize with a man for his toxic behaviour we can empathize with a woman who was going through her own trauma and loss while she had 3 kids (plus Richie) to look after. Any parent who welcomes another person's child into their family unit for years and makes them feel like part of the family despite whatever she's going through, isn't a monster imo. I know she traumatized her kids but honestly, most parents do that and have no remorse about it. Donna has remorse for her actions and the effect it had on her kids. And what is Carmy doing to Sydney's self-esteem and confidence right now? He's definitely not helping it! l If I can forgive Carmy because he's acting on his trauma and I understand he's not just a horrible person by choice, I can do the same for Donna. I know some ppl just don't like JLC because she's pro-zionist (idek I just saw this online somewhere?) which I understand but at the same time, the actress is seperate to the character. Donna's favourite person in the world is gonna be her beautiful black daughter in law! She's gonna love and appreciate Syd so much.

I want Donna's story to end with her starting to heal so people watching this show know that even late in life when you've made all the worst mistakes and inflicted your pain on others you can still heal and try to right those wrongs. It's never too late to start being a better person. This wasn't meant to turn into a rant about Donna but I think the way some fans talk about her character is so unfair and narrow minded because they don't keep the same energy for Carmy.

Some of my theories for S3

I know no one wants to hear this but I think 3x09 Apologies will be an apology to Claire where Carmy finally comes clean about why he gave her a fake number and why he can't be with her, putting an end to romantic Claire/Carmy for good. If we see the end of Claire in the first few episodes I'll be happy but I doubt they'll waste the "suspense" of Claire/Carmy vs SydCarmy by ending it 3 or even 4, 5 episodes in. I don't think she'll be in all 9 episodes leading up to it tho (please no, I love Molly but that's way too much of Claire.)

JAW said during awards season "Claire deserves an apology" which seemed random to me at the time because no one asked him that, he just brought it up and we all know Syd is the one who deserves the biggest apology from Carmy. Idk if they were filming S3 yet when he said that but he already knows where the story is going. Actors don't just play character's "blind" without knowing something about where their story is leading, especially main characters.

I think they'll do the Syd/Claire switcheroo and make it seem like Carmy's going to apologize to Syd (because it will be glaringly obvious he needs to) but it'll be him telling Claire the truth and ending things with her. Idk if Syd will get an actual apology (it would mirror 1x08 where Marcus got the actual apology and Syd didn't even though she probably deserved it more) but I think we will get some kind of super intimate heartwarming/heartbreaking scene from sydcarmy in that episode, just like 2x09.

Also Ayo said something like sydcarmy fans won't get what they want in S3 and it's the one time I actually believe her.

I think we're going to get some amazing sydcarmy scenes in S3 but I don't think it's going to end well for them. I think S4 will mirror S1 and build their dynamic up again back to what it was before Claire came in 2x03. I think S4 is gonna be THE sydcarmy season.

I'm in two minds about whether Syd will sign the contract or not. I'm leaning towards no because despite it meaning Carmy can't just leave again, going off to do whatever he wants with "wHoEvEr" and she'll have his full focus, I just don't think she wants a legal contract to be the basis of why they're committed to working together. Syd's never tried to tie Carmy to her so I don't think she'll appreciate him doing it to her. Carmy's doing this out of desperation, not out of purely wanting to collaborate with her and Syd will sense that. I think Syd wants him to want to work with her. That's why she never actively tried to get him to stay and work with her in S2 and she could've been way more direct and harsh than "I need your focus like you need mine", Lord knows he would deserve it but she isn't trying to force him. That's why she never made him feel bad about being with Claire either even though he ditched her for Claire right when they were getting closer. She doesn't want to guilt trip him or make him feel like he owes her something, she wants it to be his own decision. She wants him to show that he wants it just like she does. And he does...but he just doesn't know how to show it in a healthy way and toxicity raised him so I can't blame him.

Idk what's gonna happen between Syd & Marcus or Syd & Luca but I don't think it actually needs to be romantic to make Carmy jealous, especially if he and Syd aren't seeing eye to eye. I don't think it's necessarily gonna be romantic for Syd either, even if they see her that way. Just like Carmy didn't really see Claire romantically (in present day anyway) and I will die on that hill. That man had zero romantic interest in her despite literally kissing and having sex with her. It was more like he was just going through the motions of a "normal" relationship than it being something he genuinely wanted. Why does he show SO MUCH want and desire for Syd but not a single iota of the same for Claire?!

Seeing Syd get close to any other man is going to bother Carmy regardless, especially if he knows the man is attracted to her. But I feel like Syd is a 'connection before anything else' kinda girl (Carmy is too, that's why having sex with Claire literally sent him into a spiralling panic attack the morning after) but Syd doesn't have the exact same issues and trauma that Carmy has so I can't see Syd being with or sleeping with someone she doesn't feel connected to like that. I could be wrong but I can't see her changing her mind about Marcus and suddenly dating him at this point. She seems like someone who knows what she wants and won't settle for less just because it's available. (Not that Marcus is "less" than anyone, my sweet little cherub.) I could see her feeling a connection to Luca though, he's basically a calm version of Carmy that pays attention.

Ayo basically saying in an interview that Will Poulter pays attention to her instead of his phone was such a random piece of info imo. I get it made context in the story she was telling but it just seems like such a deliberate pointed thing to bring up knowing right now in the show Syd doesn't feel appreciated or listened to by Carmy. She could've answered the question without mentioning Will at all tbh, and even if she did mention him she didn't need to mention all of that, give us a whole backstory and everything, idk. This might be a reach but I'm pretty sure they give out of context clues like this in interviews, they definitely do it in the show so I wouldn't be surprised.

I think it was a clue about the dynamic between Syd and Luca in S3 and the difference between Carmy and Luca is Carmy's unfocused and makes Syd feel like he doesn't listen to her but Luca makes her feel like he pays attention to her. I still don't think this needs to be in a romantic sense but I'm happy for Syd to get some TLC from a hot blond guy with tattoos before Carmy sees sense.

Idk we'll see how that story plays out in S3 but if the fact Luca pays attention to her is a plot point (even a subtextual one) I'm taking that story from Ayo as an out of context spoiler.

I love Marcus and I adore Lionel BUT I just can't see Marcus and Syd being together. Their vibe is so brother/sister to me that it would just be weird at this point in the show imo. The same way sydcarmy ending the show only ever being "platonic co-workers" would give me weird inappropriate vibes about their dynamic throughout the show. The romantic dynamic between sydcarmy and the platonic dynamic between Syd x Marcus are kinda set in stone imo, especially after S2. It'll be very difficult from a literary standpoint to drastically change those dynamics in a believable way and keep the quality of storytelling and integrity of the show intact at this point. It's not impossible, I just don't think it's likely at all.

I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to Marcus's storyline in S3. My mum died when I was young so seeing kids (even if they're adults) attending their mum's funeral on shows/movies always makes me emotional, especially when it's a character I care about. (If we get a flashback of Syd at her mum's funeral I might actually die of sadness bc I'm not ready for that! I've had enough time to accept I'm gonna see Marcus's mum's funeral but if they spring Syd's mum's funeral on me too it might actually break me idk.) I am looking forward to seeing him be supported through it though and other than his mother's funeral storyline I'm excited to see where his story goes in S3. I feel like Carmy's gonna be an asshole to him if he starts getting closer to Syd and while I love the angst and jealousy of SydCarmy he better not hurt Marcus's feelings or be too hard on him. I can't wait for some Marcus x Luca scenes too.

I nearly forgot the loml, Tina! I'm so excited to see her story in S3, idek what to expect other than her backstory episode that Ayo's directing 🙌🏽 but I'm sure I will love it. Liza does so well in this role at making me feel things (all of the cast do tbh but Liza as Tina just plucks my heartstrings on a different level.)

If you read this far, thank you I appreciate you 💛

[lirotation]

I am traveling right now. I was able to watch bg3 release showcase on my phone with my husband today. A lot of good news! We were laughing so hard at Asty and the bear scene. I don't know if it was meant to be erotic, but to me, it was just cheesy and funny. However, behind that laugh, in a small back corner of my mind, i was a little upset. This scene could be easily showcased with a random Tav or just continue using The Dark Urge, but they chose to use Astarion. Larian knows their audience, and Astarion/Halsin will get any fangirl screaming.

I know it is silly of me to feel upset over this🤨. To me, it seemed Larian has no respect for Astarion. The studio kept whoring him out, and poke fun at him. I got this upset feeling last time when only fangs video came out, and again this time. Poor Asty. He was Casador's whore in the game world, and he is Larian's whore in the real world. Whatever did he do wrong? It's not his fault that he is too pretty for the common, licentious crowd. The community just decided him to be horny, kinky and someone who would dry hump anything.

In EA, Astarion mentioned bear twice(drunk night and in the necromancer's cellar). Both times, he referred to bears as food. Nothing delicious, but filling and satisfying. Seeing him having a beastiality session with a bear just doesn't make sense to me. Who wants to have sex with a Big Mac meal🍔?

Urg. I know i am too far gone when i want to defend the dignity of a fictional character, but seriously, Astarion is my muse💗. I want to hug him tightly, kiss all his pain away, and shield him from all harm.

However, if my Tav can join the bear taming session, she will not hesitate, lol.

[adleryoung]

"Um, begging your pardon, Your Lordship," Chloe quacked hesitantly, "but what are we supposed to do with Didelphis? Surely you don't intend to let a little child live alone in a shack in the wilderness."

"I am perfectly capable of fending for myself!" Didelphis snapped.

"You're right," I mused. "A youngling must be properly cared for, even if the wee tyke happens to be a transmogrified grouchy old curmudgeon."

"You know I can hear you, right?" Didelphis screeched.

"Hmm," I pondered, ignoring her. "I can't have her stay with any of you, because you seem to all still be dependents living with your families. I don't have to read anybody's mind to guess that your various households have enough trouble just dealing with you; never mind an extra cantankerous pipsqueak to keep track of."

"I'm right here!" Didelphis insisted.

I continued thinking aloud. "I'm sure that if I asked, Vernier would take her in … no, that's no good. Vernier is overworked and is already sheltering Rebecca. I don't want to place another burden on her. Are there any orphanages in the area?"

"There used to be one," the vixen declared, "but some lunatic beaver woman burned it down. She's still at large. If we could find her, she'd make a fine addition to our coven."

"Well, that's out then," I determined. "What if … what if … ohhh, this will be good … the pie-baking champion, the one Didelphis is obsessed with: Is she married? Does she have any children?"

"She is married," Rebecca piped up, "but she doesn't have any children. She's always wanted a son or daughter, but is unable to have any."

"That's why she's so good at baking," Chloe added. "She filled the void in her life by completely devoting herself to her craft."

"BAH!" Didelphis scoffed. "Practice and hard work are no substitute for natural talent! … wait a second … how do you know so much about her? Have you girls been consorting with the enemy behind my back??"

"She makes really, really good pies," the vixen admitted with a shrug.

"And she's really nice," Rebecca added.

"Plus she knows a lot of funny stories," the mouse (bear?) chimed in.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT," Didelphis shrieked. "I don't know you people at all!"

"Well then," I exclaimed, rubbing my hands. "The pie-mistress should be delighted to know that the coven has found a poor, helpless child in need of a good home."

"YOU WOULDN'T!" Didelphis gasped. "You can't! Please be reasonable! Don't make me dependent on my sworn enemy! Oh the humiliation! It's a fate worse than death! I'd rather be turned into a feral animal than live with her! Anything but that! I beg of you! Please, have mercy!"

"Wonderful!" I beamed. "Don't worry, young Didelphis, we've found you a good home. Oh, it's going to look weird for a kid to have a milky cataract. Let me fix that for you…"

"NOT MY EVIL EYE!" Didelphis wailed, covering her face with her arms. "It's all I have left of my cronely dignity! How could you be so Unseelie?"

"Fine, keep it," I shrugged, then addressed the rest of the coven. "Are there any final arrangements that need to be made? Speak up before we adjourn."

[unremarkablechap]

💊 -- ; top 5 song associations, share the top songs in your playlist that most inspire / represent your muses the most. bonus points if you include lyrics to go along with it. 

TAGGED BY : stolen from @penniesfortheferryman !

TAGGING : @shinestxr , @badmusejail ( gaster ) , and anyone else can steal this from me !

1 ) INTERROBANG - BAYSIDE .

if confidence is in the chest i'd never take a single breath; i keep my secrets up my sleeve and cut my arms off just to sleep. // oh happy days are here again, but i've spent them all in bed. // i am on a mission to lose this sorry disposition and i know there's truth in lies but i'm so tired of nursing mine. i've always had more pride than sense; a little expletiving prince. a winter of my discontent begins, oh how i've longed for this.

2 ) BURY ME - BAYSIDE .

don't lean on me cause these bones are weak -- they're held up by friction and force and i'm not sure it's in me to be so mean. // can people change in any meaningful way? we cover up, we renovate; can you really fool the world with a fresh coat of paint? // you can't believe what you hear and see. history is calling me but i was up all night, and i just wanna sleep. // guilty by association i gotta work real hard to change some minds. i want your respect but not your praise; don't think of me on your dying day.

3 ) BLAME IT ON BAD LUCK - BAYSIDE .

assume it's just not worth getting back up. so i'll blame it on bad luck, and i'll shake responsibility. // do you ever wake up to realize that your life is meaningless? does it give you strength or lead you to your grave at a young age? // it seems that when i ran away from my past all my faith, my dignity, my pride got left back. and now i think it's time that i realize that self pity's meaningless, though i'm ten feet deep, i'll claw my way back out from my own grave!! // now i realize i'd give anything i had to spend a day in my old shoes.

4 ) YOU REMIND ME OF HOME - BENJAMIN GIBBARD .

you remind me of home: a broken bed with dirty sheets that creaks when i am shifting in my sleep. // you remind me of home: in a suburban town with nothing to do, patiently waiting for something to happen. but the foundation is crumbling and becoming one with the ground. while you lay there in slumber, you're wasting your life. wasting your life.

5 ) LIGHTNING BOLT - JAKE BUGG .

met her, as the angels parted for her, but she only brought me torture. but that's what happens when it's you who's standing in the path of a lightning bolt. // chances, people tell you not to take chances when they tell you there aren't any answers. and i was starting to agree but i awoke suddenly in the path of a lightning bolt. // it was silent -- i was lying back gazing skyward, when the moment got shattered; i remembered what she said. and then she fled in a path of a lightning bolt.

[ofsgiathan]

Embrace your dreams. If you want to be a hero you need to have dreams … and honor.

#OFSGIATHAN. indie / mutuals only / 18+ rp blog for angeal hewley from square enix's compilations of final fantasy 7. canon divergent. mostly ccr and ff7r compliant but will rp the og timeline. honored by shin ( she / they / 29 ). strictly a BTE user.

A STUDY IN: the circle of life. honor. fighting for the weak. heroism. embracing your dreams. dignity. mental disorders. loyalty. war with oneself. morals. reasons to keep on living. respect.

TRIGGERING THEMES INCLUDE: war. death. suicide idealization. self-hatred. drugs. trauma. abuse. religion. and many more. ALL TRIGGERS WILL BE TAGGED AS: TRIGGER TW

AFFILIATED WITH: @fairboy. @cytyrtre.

LINKS: rules. dossier. verses. mains & exclusives. headcanons. permanent interactions call. memes. open starters. nsft sideblog. blogroll.

general rules down below for mobile users.

angeal hewley & final fantasy 7 belong to square enix. i've made all of my icons, icon borders, and promos unless stated otherwise.

i'm pro-callout. but only if there's enough evidence to support said callout.

don't follow me if you're pro-nazi, racist, ableist, sexist, terf, and lgtb-phobic. i'd say i'm sorry but i'm not.

don't follow me if you interact with any of the following people: autumn, loke, and ziro. i'm a forgiving person but i will not interact with people who refuse to admit their mistakes, refuse to apologize, and refuse to atone for their mistakes. and i'd rather not deal with people who support their behavior.

please use BTE with me. i'm stuck using BTE so if you edit our threads with LTE then i probably won't respond back. sorry.

memes, asks, open starters, & dash commentaries are the best way to interact with me. i tend to get rather bored with doing starter calls and whatnot unless if we're super duper close.

i practice mains & exclusives. if we've interacted enough either ic or ooc and you'd like to be a main / exclusive or even affiliated with me then feel free to hmu!

minors dni. i'm well over 18+ years of age and don't want to interact with minors. especially considering the sheer amount of nsft stuff in the ff7 universe.

mun =/= muse. the fact that we still have to state this is problematic in and of itself. angeal and i are not the same person. simple as that.

don't take angeal lightly. he's fully capable of going toe-to-toe with genesis and sephiroth with ease.

proshippers dni. i'm 100% anti-proshipping. idc if fiction =/= reality this is still disgusting.

i don't practice reblog karma. feel free to reblog memes, musings, gifsets, fanart, and whatnot from me. all i ask is for you to not reblog my headcanons and memes

i'm strictly singleship. angeal is in a closed relationship with @fairboy's zack fair. please read this headcanon for more information. and feel free to hmu if you have any questions / comments / concerns about the ship.

i tag all triggers accordingly. they'll all be tagged as TRIGGER TW. and please tag anything with SUICIDE IDEALIZATION. i have to mentally prep myself to read anything pertaining to such without having an emotional meltdown.

i have several verses to choose from. my default verse is verse 》》》 final fantasy 7 : remake but if you'd like to rp in a different verse then feel free to let me know!

i'll update these when deemed necessary. but don't fret because i'll always let y'all know when i update my rules. :)

[roll4hari]

"I need you to peel 50 potatoes"

It was your first time cooking for the brothers. Though you were intimidated by all the new devildom food that would usually be considered predators in the human realm, you were determined to adapt to the exchange program. You had to eat for the year after all.

You head to the kitchen, where Lucifer holds out an apron for you with the words "best big bro"—no doubt his—but he couldn't be sure how messy the new human was. You await the first instruction, ready to cook a meal for seven people.

"Where do you want me boss!" You say, hands on your hips as the firstborn gives you an unimpressed look, ignoring the small feeling of pride at being referred to as "boss". At least the human knew their place.

"I need you to peel 50 potatoes." He says, getting to work on the meat for the rest of the dish.

"Excuse me? Like for the month or something? Are we meal prepping?" You ask incredulously, looking at the pile of potatoes that nearly reached your waist and the comically small peeler he handed you.

"Meal prepping? With Beelzebub? You jest. Now get to work unless you want to be eaten." Lucifer deadpans, no amount of 'jest' in his own voice. You thought you were making dinner not starting a soup kitchen.

You start to peel the potatoes, your arm getting sore after about 10, which was about 8 more than you've ever done in your life. Lucifer looks back at you with a giant cauldron of stew already halfway ready, while you were still only a fifth of the way through with your one task.

"Diavolo below, I gave you one task." He rolls his eyes before snatching the tiny peeler from you and peeling the potatoes at inhuman speeds. In fact demonic speeds because what took you half an hour to do, he did in seconds. He tosses the potatoes in and hands you the giant ladle and asks you to stir. You briefly consider throwing yourself in the pot and ending your misery but you remember you would just come right back to the devildom after you died and would have to continue seasoning like nothing happened.

You hear a blood-curdling scream as Lucifer drops something into the stew and you look up at the unbothered demon in horror, wondering if you were just imagining the screams of the damned.

"Its Mandrake. For flavour." He explains as if you had never seasoned food in your life.

He leaves the stew to simmer as you stir and you quickly felt like a a prisoner of war, rowing in the galley of a ship as Lucifer aesthetically cooked some rice like a domestic little housewife.

By the time dinner was ready, you crawled out of the kitchen looking like you just completed a marathon, carrying all seven brothers on your back. You collapse into your seat while everyone digs in.

"Could use some salt," Satan muses and you fight the urge to strangle him - not that you would win by any means against the avatar of wrath but you would go down with dignity.

"The human made this? Oi! I'm their damn guardian. I don't wanna see any of you touching the food they made for ME!" Mammon declares though you barely did anything worthwhile in the kitchen and there would be no way he would be able to finish more than a plate anyway. You were already full from one serving.

You couldn't deny it was good though. Whether it was the power of love or the ingredients that would kill you given the chance, the food was filling and comforting and almost worth the manual labour that you considered ending your life over.

You look over at all the boys, either bickering or rambling as no one listened but eating nonetheless. Levi and Mammon taking bites between putting each other in chokeholds, Satan eating quietly while reading, occasionally piping up with a snarky comment aimed at the firstborn, Lucifer who ate between the ignored lecture to his brothers and Asmo who delicately ate bites between taking pictures for his devilgram.

You then look over at Beelzebub

The avatar of gluttony who somehow always has food on him was eating with the same inhuman speed and vigor that the food was cooked with. You watched in fascination and slight horror as he practically unhinged his jaw to inhale plate after plate of stew. You didn't doubt that he would eat you too if you were close enough. You quickly understand why you had helped make enough food fit for an army.

That guy was a fucking tank.

[smallwhalesdonotinteract]

I posted 173 times in 2022

That's 173 more posts than 2021!

5 posts created (3%)

168 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@laikamaeris

@sumersprkl

@2dames2zine

@propafranduh

I tagged 14 of my posts in 2022

#dames and dragons - 5 posts

#dames and dragons falen - 4 posts

#falen the betrayer - 3 posts

#dames and dragons fran - 3 posts

#fralen - 3 posts

#is there a ship name? - 2 posts

#? - 2 posts

#dames and dragons diamond - 1 post

#i just want to clarify that i did get permission to post this and that it did involve me making the 🥺 face - 1 post

#love this dichotomy. real falen had a job to do and he was gonna do it. other falen decided his job was to be hot - 1 post

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#the 'we can put some avocados in a bag for you it'll be just like the real thing' 'you're so weird corbin. thank you' exchange

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

OMG IN THE LIBRARY IN THE DWARF KINGDOM FRAN FAILED A PERCEPTION CHECK TO SENSE THE EVIL FALEN. The Falen-sense doesn't work when she knows it's a fake Falen! Her uncanny ability to make impossible Falen-related observations failed her enough that he could sneak up on her!!!

5 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

Me: "The real tragedy of Evil Falen being into Fran is that he can't pull her hair to playfully flirt with her. Because her hair is water."

My SO: "...uwuh 🥺"

Me: "Well that was a noise!"

Them: "He could try 🥺"

~~~

My SO: "Don't post that, you're bullying me!"

Me: "I thought it was cute! I'm not bullying you, I'm just... metaphorically pulling your hair."

7 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#3

Real Falen's first impression on Fran: *stabs two people she likes, has that awkward spit interaction with Corbin, leaves without saying anything to anybody*

Other Falen's first impression on Fran: *leans over her to whisper with a sexy voice directly in her ear* "Ooh, scholarly...~"

7 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#2

I don’t know how old Diamond is, because all of the group swooning over him reads sort of like middle schoolers fangirling over a much older boyband member, but I DO know that if he IS age-appropriate to crush on any of the main group, he is HEAD-OVER-HEELS in deep, courtly love for Maeri. 

I mean, like. She’s canonically gorgeous, she didn’t lock eyes with him and immediately become a fawning sycophant, she’s incredibly powerful, she holds herself with grace and dignity, and she’s just genuinely good and kind and willing to try to rail against injustice and the systems that harm mortals, she’s a literal goddess but she still has a deeply human side. There’s nothing in that entire description that ISN’T bard catnip. 

Maeri is LITERALLY the stuff of songs. Maybe DIAMOND’S songs. We know that Jambo the Maskmaker knew the Survivor’s Ballad, but (as far as I know) we don’t know who wrote it. Maybe Jambo picked it up from Diamond. 

I just wanna imagine Diamond, newly-crowned champion of Dawson, getting saved by the Guardians and latching onto Maeri as his muse. He hears news of the battle, learns how she Names herself in the most dramatic and thematically appropriate way possible, and is DEVASTATED by the news that she has become trapped in the void. He prays to his benefactor, who gives Diamond a chance to save her. If he gathers all these powerful artifacts from all these dangerous places and brings them across the continent, he gets to bring her back. HE gets to be HER hero.

And then after all that work, somebody beats him to it, and his god shows up and shoos him off to the side while he bargains for his own life. 

And yeah, at least he gets to look really cool while giving the Guardians a concert, which is what he’s best at in the whole world, but Maeri doesn’t even look that impressed.

Heartbreaking.

49 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

With enough repeated exposure to the Guardians' concentrated attention, all antagonistic Dames and Dragons NPCs will eventually succumb to what I call the "Falen state," in which that NPC, against their better judgment, will let the Guardians steamroll their decisions.

Symptoms of the Falen State include, in chronological order:

- the urge to strangle one or more members of the party, which becomes more and more impotent until it disappears almost entirely, but may still flare up with provocation

- resigned tone of voice with flat affectation

- being unable to say no even after repeated protests

- extremely reluctant fondness for the Guardians

- unhealthy levels of devotion to the Guardians, which may result in the affected NPC uprooting their entire way of life, agreeing to help them kill gods, or helping them overthrow the government of their home nation.

NPCs who have shown symptoms of the Falen State include, but are not limited to:

- Falen

- Alden

- Orestes (He showed early signs but managed to cut contact before Stage Three)

- Strong Selni, Wolf of the Waves (She showed the most resistance, but was the single focus of the Guardians' attention for more uninterrupted time than any other NPC. She didn't stand a chance.)

The best way to avoid falling into the Falen state is to avoid contact with the Guardians, if possible. If you must be in contact with the Guardians, avoid being interesting enough to hold their attention. If you start to feel any of these symptoms while in contact with the Guardians, cease contact immediately. Those with only the early symptoms can still live full, happy, boring lives. There is no cure for the later stages of the Falen State.

72 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[beyondthebackup]

"You don't do your hair or makeup now, A..."

Proud After resigns to his fate. Backup works hard to teach him, over and over again, that fighting back against him is futile. He always has more energy, more time, more spite, and less restraint. it's amazing what people will bear when you show them how much easier it is to give in. Now he's giving into the thought of having his corpse defiled by B, and apparently expressing disappointment that it might not be defiled enough. It makes B feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"I said your head will be the trophy. I'll display it somewhere prominent like my nightstand or mantel so I can greet you properly each morning. I'll build a special case to keep you preserved and pretty.

I could easily store the rest of your body in the freezer while it's not in use. You're compact compared to someone like Obelus or myself.

It sounds so much easier than all of this, when I think about it..."

The musings come out so easily, one would think B considers these things often. He eventually does release After's hair, but only after twisting a chunk of it around his fingers and ripping it out of his head with great force.

"You should really know better than to advertise your weaknesses to people who dislike you, you know. Obelus is good for a lot of things, and not all of them good..."

B twirls After's hair between his fingers, inspecting the follicles closely, memorizing the texture...then pockets it.

Quietly, B relishes in A and O's resentment of one another...the first and the third, both clawing for the attention of the second even at the expense of their dignity. How romantic. B worked hard over the years to shape their dynamic exactly as he wanted it. Doling out abuse and affection to Obelus in calculated doses, then doing the same to A - sometimes, right in front of the other's eyes. It appears that After never knew jealousy, never knew desire until B set his gaze on someone else. He is usually so impenetrable, but when it comes to B, he seems willing to sink lower and lower...

Low enough to sink into the dirt and never return, the numbers remind him.

Yuri Soria has no idea how disgustingly intimate Beyond Birthday is with death - they know each other well. Most of the mystery left with B's hands in the guts of the small animals he dissected, with the sight of his mother's lifespan vanishing from that picture on the wall. They need to rekindle their relationship, B supposes, because ever since he met A, life has proven ever so slightly more interesting.

But Beyond tires of everything. How long will that last?

Surely, the one thing that makes him feel something would not be so fickle as to abandon this self-destructive dance over a neurotic curiosity. When his time comes, there will be a reason...one that makes sense.

Maybe B will be the reason.

"Death will come, you don't need to search for it. It is inevitable. You haven't even reached adulthood, or lived outside of this orphanage. Are you really satisfied with that? You think you've seen all life has to offer within these four walls? You're even more of a lapdog than I thought...

If there is anything after death, I'm quite certain it's nothing humans have or will ever accurately predict. We are short-sighted. We can't even predict our own destruction," Beyond rests his hands on Yuri's shoulders, and slowly leans over his chair to embrace him from behind.

"If there is anything after this, I wouldn't be so eager, if I were you. Without Gods to punish me, or perhaps with Gods to punish you...I'll have an eternity to find you again, and there will be no escape that time. I won't ever let you rest peacefully...

Dear Yuri."

Alone in the cafeteria, After pours over his textbooks. Most people know not to disturb him. He has what seems to be a regular black coffee, but in reality, he managed to sneak four whole shots of espresso into it. It's probably one of the most caffeinated drinks he's ever had. The boy still doesn't seem jittery. Caffeine is the way of life.

Someone approaches. After does not raise his eyes. "Go away."

[bluefeathersxandxbearpaws]

Tag Dump (part 1)

[carletes]

hibi please release your mpreg universe for the world alone or hgiftbn?? thank you

[for hgiftbn - this is long]

Carlos woke up with a feeling of immense difference. He had never felt anything like it before; quite reasonably, then, he chalked it up to a dream. What had he dreamt about? He couldn't recall. He opened his eyes slowly, a feat against the sun, and reached out for Lando. But there was no Lando.

How many years had it been since Lando had kissed Carlos in his kitchen, covered in flour? And yet Carlos still felt a momentary panic every time he woke up to a bed empty but for himself. Usually, the panic evaporated quickly, but the sense of monumentality still lingered. Carlos sat up, willing his senses to sharpen. Lando was likely in the bathroom, and the bathroom door was closed-

A muffled retch.

Carlos launched himself out of bed and ran to their bathroom door. Lando was on his knees, bent over the toilet bowl. Carlos flung himself down beside Lando and held his curls away from his forehead, running his hands over Lando's back in calming, soothing motions.

"Ay, amor," Carlos murmured sympathetically. Lando's eyes were screwed shut, a single teardrop holding on for dear life at the tip of Lando's eyelashes. Carlos looked away - he was not sensitive, but he knew Lando would value his dignity - and just held his boyfriend until he had emptied whatever was in his belly.

Quite predictability, Lando scowled at the toilet bowl before flushing away the evidence of his- what? Sickness? Nausea? He walked to his sink and grumpily snatched his toothbrush and toothpaste out of the cabinet.

"So...that is not good," Carlos noted. Lando glared at him, though the effect was spoiled on account of the vigorous toothbrushing. Carlos leaned against the cool, slate gray colored tiles, and mused aloud: "We ate carbonara last night. You love carbonara, no? It has never made you sick before. And then for lunch I made you a sandwich-"

"Biggest sandwich I've ever seen," Lando mumbled with a mouth full of fluoride. It was a testament to their closeness that Carlos understood so well what Lando was trying to say.

"I do not think it is anything I made you," Carlos concluded, somewhat relieved. Dios, he had never cooked anything that had made anyone sick! But then...what happened?

"Probably a fluke or something," Lando muttered eventually once his teeth were clean. Carlos leaned in to kiss him, but Lando dodged out of the way. "No! I still feel gross. More importantly, you're gross."

So Carlos laughed and set about working on his morning routine. They had had sex countless times right after waking up, breaths stale and eyes crusted with sleep, but he would never question his beloved's idiosyncrasies when they came out.

And yet, when Carlos gave Lando his usual breakfast, Lando took one look at it, pushed it away weakly, and said, "Sorry. Just- not- feeling this."

Carlos frowned. "I can make you something else?"

"No. No. Don't want- anything."

Carlos' frown deepened. Lando did agree to lunch, and he looked excited about what Carlos had prepared - tacos with leftover guanciale from the carbonara - but after a few bites, he paled, mumbled something, and fled to the bathroom.

Carlos glared accusingly at the guanciale. "It must be you," he hissed in Spanish. He thought briefly about tossing the rest - but he was not a man to waste food, even treacherous food. When Lando reappeared, though, he ate the rest of his tacos with gusto and it did not seem to upset his stomach.

Eh?

"...should we go to the doctor?" Carlos offered after Lando threw up a third time that afternoon, quite out of nowhere. Lando, rather pale by this point and in a thoroughly foul made, shook his head vigorously (Carlos quickly caught his chin lest the motion trigger Lando's nausea).

"No. It's just- random. It's nothing."

"Okay, but if it continues, then-"

"Fine! Fine. Whatever. If I'm still puking tomorrow you can toss me into the car."

The day passed. That night, Carlos barely slept; Lando, beside him, also barely slept. But Carlos pretended he did not notice Lando's discomfort, his constant shifting, the moments where Lando carefully sat up just to lay back down again.

And then, around 5am, when Lando got up to vomit violently into the toilet bowl again, Carlos just crossed his arms and waited at the door. He did not think Lando was too surprised when Carlos quietly handed Lando a coat, pulled the keys to their Ferrari (a present from Lando; it was excessive, but Carlos' very unmanly scream upon seeing it didn't really support his hastily added, "You shouldn't have! Dios, the color-") out of his pocket and nodded towards the door. Lando pouted, but he followed.

He was always a cute pouter.

They thought nothing of it when, after she listened to Lando explain his symptoms and took his vitals, the nurse handed Lando a cup and asked him for a urine sample. Lando made a face, and Carlos made fun of how much urine Lando had been able to supply despite being definitely dehydrated. Lando threatened to fling his piss onto Carlos, and at that point, the nurse politely said she could take the cup.

They waited in the examination room for the doctor. Lando was laughing, which made Carlos feel better. Even if it was a bug, they could take care of it. Carlos would take care of Lando.

When the doctor walked in, Carlos was mid-hysterics over a story Lando had been recalling from a business trips two, maybe three weeks ago (when Lando had come back from that trip, Carlos had thoroughly spoiled him. That had been a very good night). He quickly got himself together and shook hands with the doctor.

"Lando Norris? That's you, correct?" the doctor said, nodding towards Lando.

"Yeah," Lando said, and Carlos knew he was somewhat relieved that he hadn't been recognized. "Just can't stop throwing up. It's rough."

Carlos smiled to himself. His Lando.

"And you are-?"

"Carlos Sainz. We are-"

"He's my-"

They looked at each other and laughed. "He's my boyfriend," Lando said finally, and Carlos resisted the urge to puff out his chest proudly at the statement. Three years! He needed to get over all these little things!

"Yes, I see here now - civil partnership?"

"Yes, we are not married yet," Carlos said, just as Lando said, "We're not married."

Lando looked at Carlos and raised an eyebrow. Carlos smirked. Lando rolled his eyes, though he looked pleased, and that in turn made Carlos feel pleased.

The doctor cleared his throat and leaned forward at his desk. "I just want to preface by saying that, of course, this is not impossible," he said, and Carlos frowned. "It is a slim chance - one in 700,000, you see - but not impossible."

Lando's eyes widened. Carlos felt similarly alarmed. What on earth-?

"But we tested for it, and it came back positive, so the statistics-"

"Statist- what came back positive?" Lando blurted out, and Carlos immediately reached for Lando's hand. His heart was pounding. The doctor smiled a little and said:

"I suppose you were not really trying. Few people ever do, and if they are trying, there are other treatments to make it more likely but- well, Mr. Norris, you are expecting."

Silence.

Carlos' brain stopped working.

Then, Lando said, quite simply, "Expecting what?"

The doctor cleared his throat again. "Er. A child. Well. A fetus. You are pregnant."

"I'm-"

Carlos could not comprehend anything. He couldn't think, he could not speak.

But neither could Lando. He just stared at the doctor, catatonic, and that meant Carlos had to say something. The doctor, his voice patient and sympathetic, said, "We can discuss options. You will have to set up appointments and there are, of course, ways to termin-"

Privacy. They needed privacy.

"We will call," Carlos said, his tongue heavy and words clumsy. He stood, and gently took hold of Lando's hand. It barely took any coaxing before Lando was on his feet, his eyes still staring, his gaze far away. "We will- call the hospital, we need to- thank you, Doctor."

"Within a few days would be best, Mr. Sainz," the doctor said kindly, and Carlos nodded vigorously. He needed to get Lando home. He needed- they both needed.

"I will take care of it," Carlos said again, and the doctor nodded so Carlos quickly, gently, but quickly led his mute, shocked boyfriend out, and settled him back into their car.

The drive home was silent. Of course it was. How could it not be? Carlos did not know what to say. Lando couldn't speak.

Dios. Dios. Dios. His heart seemed to beat towards god, begging, praying for- something.

The elevator ride was quiet too. Lando hadn't reached for Carlos; so Carlos left Lando alone. But when they got inside their apartment, Lando whispered, "I'm sorry," and Carlos, oh Jesus, Carlos' heart exploded. He turned towards Lando, pulled him close, and whispered, "Mi amor, mi Lando-"

And that was when Lando started crying. "No, no," Carlos whispered, his mouth against Lando's forehead, kissing over and over, "Mi vida, do not cry, we are in this together, yes? We will figure this out- do not cry-"

"I'm not a freak," Lando said, pleadingly, and Carlos' eyes shot open. No. No. He cupped Lando's face, his beloved's beloved face, his beloved's beloved eyes wet, his cheeks red, his eyebrows knit together in despair, and Carlos kissed Lando.

"You are a fucking miracle," Carlos whispered fiercely, his heart blooming, blossoming, his love - molten as it was, always, for Lando - warming even more. "Why would I think- Landito, why would I think this about you?"

"We talked-" Lando said thickly, trying to contain his emotion, and he did not know how hard Carlos had to work to contain his own, "about- kids- but this- we never talked about this-"

"Because I did not think it could be!" Carlos exclaimed, and he could not help but laugh as he said it and kissed Lando's lips again, his miraculous lips. "Dios, Lando, if I had thought- if I had known- I didn't want to get my hopes, your hopes up-"

Lando stared at Carlos. Then, hesitant, he whispered, "You- want this? You want me- like this?"

Carlos fell to his knees. How could he not? He took Lando's miraculous hands, pressed them to his own cheeks, pressed his lips to Lando's stomach through his shirt - miraculous - and whispered, his eyes sharp with tears, "Want? More than anything. More than anything."

When Lando fell to his knees, too, Carlos just scooped him up and took him to their bed. He held Lando, close, so close, and when Lando whispered, "Can you keep holding me?" Carlos laughed, his cheeks damp with tears that would not stop coming, and said:

"Always. Always. Forever. I will not let you go. Not even if you asked."

Then, he paused, and said, "Okay. I will let go if you really want me."

And Lando laughed, and it was glorious, and when Carlos placed a shaking hand to Lando's stomach - his stomach, with their baby - Lando placed his own hand atop Carlos' and murmured, voice wondering, awed, happy: "Our baby."

Carlos wept again.

There was so much work to do. So many appointments to make. So many people to tell eventually. But in that moment, Carlos' world became a little larger.

And it was a miracle.

[mywitchcultblr]

Haskill left, Sheogorath right picture.

WANDAVISION AU

Sheogorath x Haskill and Akasheo

"He's not calling? Again?!" Sheogorath languished and bemoaned in despair, lying on the antique couch in the living room and rubbing his smooth legs together.

The mad god wore nothing but an untied silk robe which barely hid anything from preening eyes. Haskill swallowed and straightened his back a little bit, keeping his expression neutral and composure remain unshakable.

"I am afraid, no. Ser. I haven't receiving any calls nor message from the dragon god."

The chamberlain bit his inner bottom lips when Sheogorath yawned a stretched on the plush sofa like a bored cat basking under the warmth of sunlight. He could see everything...

His Lord could take any form and today Sheogorath chose to present himself in a traditionally masculine way. Including what lay between those milky white thighs.

It was moderate in size and length but still unbearably beautiful.

Haskill knew that Sheogorath could make his private even more impressive, but he didn't.

Perhaps Akatosh preferred it that way?

The dragon god could say jump and His Lordship would say 'how high?'

Haskill clenched his teeth ever so carefully for a moment. It felt wrong to see the dignity of his master utterly tarnished and torn to shred.

Even if it was in the name of love and devotion.

It should have been the other party who prostate themselves before his Lord, not the other way around. It was unacceptable.

Sheogorath sighed, lying on the side and resting his head on the palm of his hand.

"Fine, I guess. We wouldn't have any fun today. Still, I don't want this evening to be wasted for nothing. Haskill, come here. Kneel."

Haskill immediately heeded his Lord's command and knelt before Sheogorath. The mad god stretched his right arm out toward the Chamberlain without looking at him. Haskill grabbed his master's hand, kissing the bony knuckles with the passion and devotion of a man drunk on religious mania and love. "My Lord."

Sheogorath huffed but he didn't stop Haskill from worshiping his hand, his expression remained bored as if nothing could ever amuse him anymore. Haskill looked up, staring at his master in the eye, the fact that Sheogorath didn't seem to be happy nor enthusiastic about anything when Akatosh was not around worried him greatly.

The chamberlain worried musings was cut short when Sheogorath pushed two fingers into the chamberlain's mouth. "Suck."

Haskill obeyed, sucking his Lord's fingers greedily while his gaze was locked on Sheogorath's beautiful face. He wanted to give his Lord everything, even his soul. Anything for his Master.

He never thought he'd find someone else to care for and adore as much as Sheogorath did. The Chamberlain licked and sucked his Master's fingers, he moved slowly at first until Sheogorath pulled his fingers back with a sigh. "That's enough."

Haskill obeyed as usual, pulling back, releasing his master's spit fingers from his mouth. Despite his eagerness to please Sheogorath, the chamberlain still wanted more. It was not enough. Sheogorath stared at his spit stained fingers and sighed. "What a dull existence this is."

"Please my Lord, anything you ask of me-"

"No, I'm serious. I'm bored out of my mind... He's not calling and without him there is no excitement, no thrill, nothing..."

"I understand, my Lord." Haskill bowed his head deeply.

Deep within his immortal heart, the chmaberlain cursed Akatosh for bewitched Sheogorath with his blinding love, taking away everything and keeping the mad god close to him.

Akatosh kept Sheogorath under lock and key. Bewitched his soul and stole his heart. Haskill knew he must do something or he would lose his beloved Master forever. But what? How?

Sheogorath grabbed his hair, pulling Haskil towards him and then began caressing the silky strand of greying hair.

The mad god adored his new appearance, Haskill once plain feature had been replaced by a mature yet handsome visage, balding head now adorned with a crown of dark grey.

The Chamberlain's eyes were clear and bright, his features sharp and defined, his body lean and powerful, the effects of Sheogorath's powers on his form was obvious.

"I love him so so much, too much and I can't think about anything but him. Tell me Haskill, do you think my beloved is cheating on me?"

Haskill's eyes snapped open wide. He looked at Sheogorath's hand, it was gripping his hair tightly, forcing his head closer to his master's lap. "Why would you ask such a question my Lord?"

"Because I want to know. Because he is always gone and when he comes home he barely has time for me anymore. Its been months since we did something more... Serious."

"He loves you, perhaps he's just very busy right now." Haskill wanted nothing but to affirm that Akatosh was indeed no longer held any kind of passion for Sheogorath to prevent the dragon god from sinking his talons deeper into his master, but such lie would only cause further pain.

Sheogorath pouted, fingers twisted around Haskill's neck. "Are you sure, Haskill? That he loves me? That his heart beats only for me?"

"Yes!" Haskill gasped, desperate to keep Sheogorath's grip from tightening even further. He could sense the impending paranoia and depressive mood that was about to descend upon the mad god's mind. Haskill was hoping to avert this disaster before it became worse than it already was.

Sheogorath tore his gaze away from his chamberlain, scanning the old fashioned living room in front of him. The walls were covered in a pale wallpaper with floral motifs, the floors were polished wood, and the ceiling was a beautiful vaulted dome. A large fireplace with a roaring fire added some warmth to the slightly cluttered interior.

He dragged Akatosh into the mortal realm, begged the dragon god to indulge him in this domestic scene for a bit, just for a taste of what life with Akatosh might be like if they were just mortals and not gods. He dragged Akatosh into this delusion? Dream? Wish-fulfillment? Sheogorath was not certain himself, but he knew one thing for sure: He wanted his beloved, now.

He couldn't care less about the objection of other gods with his relationship, he didn't care about the divines politics, all he ever wanted was a perfect life in an enclosed bubble of bliss and manic joy. Mara called for a stop to this madness, but why he should listened to an Aedra who was not his beloved? So he whisked Akatosh away with a smile and a desperate plea.

They were happy... Happy... He was mad always... Also happy playing a domestic stay at home husband. They even took an entire town hostage and put the town under a spell.

For a short time, Sheogorath had everything he wanted: Akatosh at his side, his chambers filled with his favorite things, and the world at his fingertips. Then he began to see the cracks in his fantasy.

Akatosh began acting relentless, he began to ignore Sheogorath and he was going through all the things he hated most about being pretending to be a mortal. His beloved began leaving from time to time to do his duty, attending council meeting and such. Leaving Sheogorath alone, bored, lonely, and depressed.

"Haskill... Do you think I and Akatosh could stay here forever and ever and ever and ever..." Sheogorath said. The chamberlain shook his head slowly, the madness was getting out of hand.

His master was spiraling further and further into this delusional fantasy. He could only hope that Sheogorath would snap out of this soon and come back to reality.

"My Lord, you have duties in Shivering Isl-"

Sheogorath placed a finger on his chamberlain's lips, those eyes were wide and frantic. The madness was taking hold.

"Shhh shhhh... I should strengthen the spell. Keep him by my side, keep my man close."

Haskill couldn't even think a counter argument to answer his master, madness was something one would always expected from Sheogorath but this... Such gnawing desire that chipping on Sheogorath's own personhood as a god, the desire to play a deranged but sweet stay at home husband...

Like a real mortal? It was a frightening thought that made Haskill feel sick to his stomach.

He had to stop this.

@average-crazy-fangirl

[the-force-awakens]

''i don't have anyone anymore.'' ''you have me.'' with poe?

gender neutral reader; nothing romantic happening in this one besides some crushing. hurt/comfort, discussions about having to heavily mask while in an unfriendly environment with unaccepting friends/family prior to the resistance. autistic!reader, and autistic!poe bc yes.

The Resistance was everything you hoped it would be. On paper, it was a paramilitary organization that surveyed First Order activities, working in between the lines to help those the New Republic had turned their backs on, and desperately trying to prove to an increasingly ignorant Senate that the First Order was a legitimate threat. 

In reality, it was a paramilitary organization held together with space tape. There were only 400 members, give or take, and everyone knew each other — not just from living on D'Qar together, but from the past as well. Most were former government employees who'd followed Leia, or pilots who deserted the Defense Fleet when it had abandoned them and their morals. Then there were the veterans from the Alliance who'd already fought in a war together, and knew the parents of the next generation they were now fighting alongside. 

It meant that the Resistance felt more like a family than anything else, and they'd welcomed you with open arms.

You'd been reserved at first, afraid to drop your guard or be yourself after so many years of masking or having to watch what you said. Maybe that was why after speaking with you for a few minutes, General Organa had Poe Dameron give you a grand tour of the base.

Or perhaps it had just been logical, since you'd wound up with the bunk next to his.

Either way, you were grateful for it because he'd made you feel a little more at ease, despite the fact that he made your heart skip a beat the first time you saw him properly — he was unfairly handsome and you're not responsible for the first thought that flitted through your mind when he held his hand out and introduced himself. 

But it hasn't been easy, either. It's been a month now since you made the decision to leave Hosnian Prime, move away from your family and all but cut ties with them to join the Resistance, and that choice weighs heavily now on you. 

There are a lot of good spots on base to hide when you don't want to be found, but one of the lesser used hangars towards the encroaching treeline you've found to be the best: so when your thoughts become a little too much to handle, you go there.

When you arrive, however, it becomes clear that it is not empty as it normally is. Instead, when you step inside the darkened hangar, there's a lantern glowing softly underneath a grimy looking X-Wing: but it does nothing to light up the room by comparison to the shower of sparks that abruptly soars across the space.

The miniature explosion is followed up with a series of swears and panicked beeps, and your medic instincts kick in before you know what's happening, rounding the frame of the starfighter to find Poe Dameron on the other side of it, face covered in soot and grease. 

“Maybe we should've found something else to do, buddy,” he muses morosely to his droid who beeps an affirmative, before lighting up when he spots you. "Hey, stardust. Whatcha doing?”

You come to a stop, stride faltering over the softness of his tone and the usage of a nickname. Were you really at the place of your friendship (did it count as a friendship? You thought of Poe as a friend, probably, but you hadn't really known each other a long time either) that nicknames were a thing?

"I heard…” you gesture helplessly at the X-Wing and then at Poe. "I thought maybe someone had gotten hurt.” 

"Nope! Nobody hurt. Well, maybe my dignity's a little wounded but I think anyone on base would be happy to tell you I don't have a lot of that left.” Poe pulls out a rag from his pocket to clean his hands of the grease on them, still smiling at you. 

“Well, you don't look very dignified right now,” you admit with a small laugh, reaching for the cloth. "Can I? You've got some…”

"All over my face?” Poe guesses, handing the rag over. You snort, and it's not a pleasant noise at all, but it makes his smile tick impossibly higher.

"Little bit.” You confirm, stepping closer into his space. You have to stand up on your tiptoes in order to gently wipe his face clean, and it takes a lot of mental energy to ignore the way his dark eyes are studying you carefully, how you can feel how warm his body is, and the slight shadow gathering around his jaw — never mind the rosy-pink of his lips.

"It wasn't that loud. The X-Wing, I mean. How'd you hear it all the way out on the tarmac?” 

You pause where you'd been carefully and lightly scrubbing some grease off the thin skin under his eye, your own flicking up to meet his. Instinctually, you start to go for a lie, but it's - becoming harder to come up with covers for your actions when there really hasn't been a need to lately. 

So instead, you swallow thickly and fall back on your heels, twisting the rag between your fingers. “I like coming here to clear my head sometimes. There's usually sentries up on the top of the bunkers so - this is a good alternative.”

For the first time this evening, Poe's smile tightens a little. He steps a little bit closer, taps the side of your temple. "What's going on up here, then?”

You press your lips together, the truth lodged in your throat and begging to be released. It's never been easy for you to just talk, to say what you're feeling or to explain what's wrong.

But something about Poe makes you want to try, makes it easier. Maybe it's because you know no matter how long it takes you to articulate something, he'll be waiting to listen.

"It's been a month since I left Hosnian Prime,” you begin to explain. “And I keep thinking about…everything I left behind, how much happier I am here with the Resistance, and what that means about the life I had before.”

"What does it mean?”

You lower your gaze from Poe, if only because your eyes begin to sting. “That I was never going to be happy there with them, and…now that I'm starting to get an idea of who I am without them, the thought of going back - of going back to who I was pretending to be - scares the kriff out of me. But what's scarier is that I don't have anyone anymore.” No friends, no family, none that would ever accept you exactly as you are without complaints or disappointment. 

Before you can comprehend the sound of his boot scuffing against the duracrete, Poe's nudging your chin so you'll look up at him, standing closer than he was before and cupping your elbow with his other hand. “You have me. Alright? You're not alone, and you don't ever have to be that person again, not if you don't want to.”

You lick your lips and nod once, ask hoarsely, "What if I end up not liking who I really am? Or whoever all of this makes me become?”

“Then I'll be here to remind you of how great you are, just like you'll be there to patch me up everytime I do something reckless and foolish.” 

You huff a laugh at that, shoving the rag at Poe's chest, but you're buoyed by his words and his vow, the shadows that had been chasing you since you woke that morning finally being extinguished by the ray of sunshine that is Commander Poe Dameron and his huge heart. 

And when his eyes crinkle a bit at the corners as he takes the cloth from you, pulling his hands away from you to fiddle with it like you had been, you soften and say, "Thank you…flyboy.”

Poe lifts his head incrementally at your own new nickname for him, surprise being quickly overtaken by a stomach flipping crooked grin. “Always. Now, is there any chance I can get your medical opinion on this X-Wing?”

"I think it's beyond saving unless you happen to actually be a mechanic, Dameron, which neither of us are. And in my medical opinion, I think you should move away from a ship that's already tried to set you on fire once tonight.”

But Poe's already getting down onto the ground to inspect it from underneath. “Where's the fun in that? You can stay if you want to make sure nothing else goes boom.”

Then he disappears under the frame of the X-Wing, leaving you to share a glance with BB-8. When you cave and settle down into a lotus position on the ground just beside the starfighter, it's only out of sheer concern for your friend and not an excuse to keep talking to him until the early hours of the morning. 

Definitely not that.

[grokebaby]

It had been another gloomy day in the dark forest for the magnificent Tigerstar. He was almost getting bored with plotting starclans demise, but seeing a certain familiar face reignited his spark.

"Evening, Brokenstar" he said smoothly after not-so-subtly jogging up to the massive piece of fur cleaning his face by a tree. His foggy eyes turned to the ochre tabby, seeming completely uninterested until a light bulb went up and he recognized who was addressing him.

"Ah, my successor.. You didn't do half bad for a Thunderclan cat. But then again, a lobotomized rat would've been a better alternative to Nightpelt.." Brokenstar mused quietly. Tigerstar chuckled, welcoming the compliment nonetheless. "You know, it's a shame we didn't get to properly talk during our life, don't you think? Of course by the clan rules we shouldn't have even been talking, but I felt sorely disappointed to have you die without hearing more from you" Tigerstar meowed, calmly measuring up his claws in an effort to not seem like what Darkstripe felt to him. Brokenstar twitched his ear, stopping his grooming as a visual que to ask Tigerstar to elaborate on that. He found the Tom's sudden desire to socialize more off-putting, but figured it had something to do with their alliance

Tigerstar continued. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you about your legendary rise to power, right? Sure, the ruling part could've.. Gone smoother, but you did impressive work given your circumstances, and that pesky medic hag having some sort of agenda against you.." Brokenstars fur bristled as the words hit him. Having recently died, the burning of deathberries in his throat was still fresh. He was taken back to his death bed, momentarily reliving that flood of pure ice through his veins as Yellowfang had told him the truth about his kithood.

"You.. Do not talk to me, about Yellowfang, you egotistical piece of-!" He jumped up, hissing in Tigerstars face. Dazed by the sudden outburst, Tigerstar took a few steps back, not wanting to be trampled by the sizeable shadowclan cat. Once getting more personal space, Brokenstar turned his back to him. Trembling with rage, and grappling with that strange scary feeling that had overtaken him, it took a moment to register that Tigerstar apologized right after.

"What.. Did you say?" he rasped, glaring back to the other. Tigerstar swallowed any semblance of fear and reworded his statement. "I'm sure whatever.. She had to say about you couldn't have been bad enough to phase a mighty leader like yourself. I wasn't implying anything of the sort." he replied, regathering his charisma. Brokenstar scoffed. "Sorta like that annoying little thunderclan cat, what was it - Fireheart? I wasn't the only one with flies buzzing around me, just saying.."

Tigerstar gritted his teeth at the mention, but he stopped himself from lashing out similarly. His smooth negotiation skills had taken him far in life, and he wasn't about to be hit by whatever Brokenstar had to throw at him. "Yes, true.. But he will be taken care of eventually." Tiger replied, smoothing down his chest fur. "Well, was that all you wanted to say?" Brokenstar asked after a small moment of silence. Tigerstar hurried to get the conversation back on track. "No, no of course not. I simply came here to, let's say, bask in your presence." Brokenstar rolled his eyes at that. "It's true, Brokenstar. You don't have to believe me but I've always felt that my heart belonged in Shadowclan, and your reign was breathtaking while it lasted. How did you do it? What would you tell a less initiated cat?" he asked, not letting his admiration shine through entirely. He was willing to use flattery to get what he wanted, but his dignity weighed more than that.

Brokenstar sized him up from head to toe. Tigerstar was a strong, athletic cat, and a skilled fighter. And talker.. He thought, looking at the toms smug face. In his eyes he could see sprinkles of kit-like awe, but there was more. He wasn't willing to look deeper than that right now, not with his foggy vision. "You and me Tigerstar, we're vicious, strong-willed cats. I doubt you need tips from me" he meowed softly, though his tone wasn't particularly kind despite the praise. Tigerstar opened his mouth, but shut it again as Brokenstar breathed audibly. "However.." he continued, side-eyeing the fellow leader. "What you lack is independence." Brokenstar stated. Tigerstar scoffed, words stumbling up as they tried to leave his mouth. "Excuse me? I don't hang onto others tails, I am a leader! You cannot rule if nobody follows after you" he gritted his teeth. Brokenstar nonchalantly licked his paw a few times, wiping it over his face. "Obviously. What I'm talking about, is your emotional dependencies, Tigerstar." he replied, now leaving Tigerstar taken aback in silence. Before he could ask, he elaborated. "Your mate. And kits. You had those, didn't you? Your son.. Looks just like you" he meowed with a deep voice. Tigerstar breathed in disbelief, his tail twitching uncomfortably. What was he implying with that?

".. Yes, and? Are-are you saying that's a negative? Of course a great leader must have an heir!" Tigerstar exclaimed, wanting to know where this is was going. He was aware that Brokenstar never took a mate, and quite obviously wasn't great with kits..

"A great leader's heir is his legacy! His glory stands long after his death! Not some other cat! Kits are absolutely not vital to a great leader, kits are.. Useless!" Brokenstar spit out the last part, having full confidence in his statement. Tigerstar looked at him doubtfully for a moment. While he had a good point, Tigerstar never saw fatherhood as a stumbling block in his road to success. Quite the opposite, actually. And Goldenflower, despite her leaving him to fend for himself during his exile, was someone he had loved deeply. Had, and possibly still did..

He spit in frustration and held his head higher, tucking his tail tightly over his paws to seem dignified and untouched. "My family isn't a weakness to me. I don't need their help to achieve glory. And besides, my kits aren't just any snotty brats, they take after me, and Goldenflower, in the ways it matters! I have big plans for them." Tigerstar explained snobbishly. Brokenstar let out a sizzling breath, seeming thoughtful. And not Convinced.

"Not a weakness, you say..? Not even when Thunderclans camp burnt down? That tree was engulfed in flames.." Brokenstar spoke quietly under his breath, like a ghost. Tigerstar felt a chill run over his bones. Had Brokenstar been watching him from the afterlife? And how much? He vividly remembered the intense mixture of relief and visceral hatred seeing Fireheart hop down that tree with Bramblekit in his jaws. His enemy, whisking off his dear kit into safety, despite everything that happened. He must think he's so pure, above everyone else. A spoiled kittypet, snaking into clan life where he didn't belong. Ruining Tigerstars careful plans. He dug his claws into the mulch beneath him, wishing it was the orange little nuisance instead.

Brokenstar exhaled, as if in response to something, snapping Tigerstar back to the moment. "My point seems proven.." he rasped. Tigerstar looked at him in disbelief, offended. "You haven't proven anything! My mate betrayed me, betrayed my trust, and fought against me in the great battle! Me and her are over." he hissed. "As if you had never depended on anyone with your plans of conquest.." he added more murkily, voice full of salt. Brokenstar hummed dismissively.

"Obviously I need to be capable of working with other cats to get anywhere, but I didn't get attached to any of them." he exposited, untangling a few knots from his side. Tigerstar rolled his eyes. "Well you sure sound like a great reliable ally.." he muttered. Brokenstar snorted a laugh. "Don't talk to me about great and reliable down in the dark forest, Tigerstar! As if I need to like someone to work with them anyway.." he chuckled coarsely. Something about getting to hear that from the cat he'd looked up to for some time felt like a splash of cold water to Tigerstar. Neither of them said anything for a moment.

"What were your plans with those kits anyway?" Brokenstar broke the silence, feeling the slightest tinge of curiosity. Tigerstar perked up, a droplet of pride trickling down his chest. "Oh am I glad you asked.."