#We are now back to your regular ask blog experience!

[charliegyrth]

Two Fit Foodies

A Gay Gainer Romance

Hi, everyone! This story is based on a reader request from @fatmayor97-blog! Thanks so much for the idea!

(Also, quick update about me: I'm finally 210! I know it's not a lot, but this was my previous high point, so I'm really proud.) Anyway, here's the story:

***

Travis leans across the table and feeds me a bit of his peanut butter cheesecake.

“Oh sweet Jesus.”

“I know, right? Best cheesecake so far?”

I swirl the flavors across my tongue. “Hmm. Better than Etienne’s. Creamier than East/West, but I think I liked that one better overall.”

He smiles. “I was thinking the same thing! So what’s your rating?”

“Let’s say it at the same time. Three, two, one…”

“Four-and-a-quarter stars,” we say in unison.

God, I love him so much. We’re totally in sync. I reach past the plates and hold his hand. I’m so lost in the moment, lost in his eyes (yeah, I know how cheesy that sounds), that I completely forget that my sister is also at the table.

She scoffs at us. “I do not understand you two.”

“We’re not the only couple who bonds over food,” Travis says. He always talks to Carli like he’s explaining fire to a caveman. It annoys the crap out of her, which is why he does it.

“No. I get that. You both have an oral fixation. That’s pretty obvious.”

Travis and I exchange looks.

“What I don’t get is how you can try every dessert in San Diego and still be so skinny.”

First of all, we aren’t skinny. We’re fit. Travis is shorter, with more body hair and a slightly wider structure. I’m taller, more willowy. But I don’t identify with the “skinny” label. That implies a lack of muscle.

But more importantly, enjoying food has nothing to do with body weight. Most of our foodie friends are just as healthy as us. Fat people don’t appreciate food the way we do. They’re out-of-shape because they eat anything. We only eat the best.

“We eat, Carli,” my fiancé explains in his lecture-y tone. “We don’t overeat. And we never snack.”

“Why?”

“Because our taste buds require something better than the processed, chemical-loaded shit they sell at Walmart.”

“So you spend all week starving yourselves so you can go crazy at fancy places like this on the weekends?”

Travis shrugs. She’s not getting it, and she never will. To her, this cheesecake is just as tasty as a $5 slice from 7-Eleven.

No one says anything for an awkwardly long time, so I scoop up my last piece of cheesecake and feed Travis across the table.

***

I carry Travis over the threshold. He’s heavier than usual. He looks the same, but it’s a bit harder to carry him around.

I guess that’s not surprising. We just got back from our two-week honeymoon in Hawaii, where every dinner was a five-star experience. We feasted for hours every day. Now that life is back to normal, he’ll naturally get back to his regular size. We both will.

“Well, Mr. Park-Trammel. How does it feel to be home?” he asks.

“I don’t know, Mr. Park-Trammel. It feels a little different.” I mean that as a joke, but come to think of it… Yeah, the house feels different now that we’re married. This totally sounds cliché, but it really does feel more like a home.

I lead him into the bedroom so we can christen our marriage bed a couple times.

I climb onto the mattress and he strips for me. That’s when I notice that I was wrong before. He does look different. He doesn’t have a belly or anything, but his torso is more solid. His sides don’t narrow before they reach his hips. I don’t think I would’ve noticed if I hadn’t felt his heaviness, but now that he’s shirtless in front of me, that's all I can think about.

My husband’s thick.

And I like it.

Once he gets his pants off, he jumps on top of me.

“Oof.” Yeah, definitely heavier.

***

That night, we’re snuggled on the couch, catching up on the Survivor episodes we missed on our honeymoon.

We’ve been home for six hours, and we still haven’t unpacked our luggage. It’s sitting on the edge of the room, daring us to act like adults and put our beach clothes in the laundry.

Travis’s head is on my shoulder, but I can tell he’s bored. (I’m pretty sure he looked up the winner of this season without telling me.) He sighs.

“Wanna watch something else?” I ask.

“Naw. This is good.” Then he jumps off the couch like an overexcited puppy. He just thought of something. He races toward his suitcase and digs a long, thin object out of the front zipper. “Ta-da!”

He’s holding up a box of Toblerone chocolate.

“Where’d you get that?”

“Duty Free.” He plops back onto the couch.

I’m surprised that he bought chocolate when I wasn’t looking. I’m equally surprised that he wants to snack on the couch. We never do that.

But at least it’s the fancy stuff, not some Hershey’s nonsense.

He opens the box and pops off a wedge. “Open up.”

“Aren’t we gonna save that for a special occasion?” After all, that’s Rule Number One of being a foodie. We never snack just because. We wait till the right moment, and we savor.

“This is a special occasion. It’s our first night as a married couple.”

Technically, our first night was two weeks ago. But it is our first night as a married couple in our own home, so yeah. That seems special enough.

I open my mouth and he gently slides the chocolate onto my tongue.

My God! It’s incredible. I swear I’ve had Toblerone before. How could I not have realized how decadent it is? The sweetness overpowers me, and I love every wonderful second before it slides down my throat.

“I love you, Lowell.”

“Love you, too.”

He breaks off another piece and raises it to my lips.

“I think I’m good,” I say, even though my mouth is literally watering for more.

He brushes its edge against my mouth. “Are you sure? I just want my husband to be happy.”

I take it from him. Same glorious blast of flavor.

He tries to feed me a third piece, but I grab it from his hands and feed him instead.

I was going to tell him about the extra thickness around his middle. (Not as a complaint. Just a heads-up.) But I figure it’s not the best time. Even if the honeymoon’s over, we’re still in honeymoon-mode. We can take a few more days before we settle back into our old routine.

***

I take a bite of the chicken Caesar salad. Why does it taste so good? Travis makes us Caesar at least once a month, and it’s never been this tasty before. We’ve been back home for three days now, and every meal seems better than the last. It’s like my tastebuds are on overdrive now. Because we’re finally married? Because we’re happier than ever?

Travis notices my confusion. “I tried a new dressing,” he explains. “And I doubled the cheese.”

“I like it.”

He smiles across the dinner table. “How many stars?”

“I can’t rate your food like that. Don’t be arrogant.” Our star system is reserved for the best restaurants in town, not just a normal meal on a normal weekday. As a foodie, he should know that we can’t water down our standards.

“Oh,” he says, disappointed.

I feel so guilty whenever he slumps down like that. “I won’t rate you, honey. But I will say, this is the best salad you’ve ever made.”

That perks him up.

For the rest of the meal, we talk about nothing in particular. I tell him about how my coworkers reacted when I gave them their little Hawaii tchotchkes. (Decorated shells and keychains. Nothing fancy.) He tells me about his boss’s weird reaction to his newly hyphenated name. (Don’t ask.)

Overall, it’s not a special meal, but it feels special because I’m with my husband. I end up eating a second serving of the salad. Why not? I guess Travis expected that. He made extra.

And when we’re finished, he clears the table and comes back with a plate of brownies.

“What are these for?”

“Just to keep these honeymoon vibes going,” he says. “They’re from Luvair’s.”

If you’ve never been to downtown San Diego, Luvair’s is one of our top five bakeries. It’s in all the tourist guides. Super-expensive. I’ve only eaten there once.

We each grab one and eat at the same time. It’s good, but it’s not as mind-blowingly good as I expect. I finish the square, really focusing on the combination of tastes in my mouth. “Two,” I say.

“Two and a half,” he counters. Then, realizing what’s missing, he scoots his chair next to mine, grabs another square, and presses it into my mouth.

And there it is. The burst of flavor is back. It’s not just about the taste. It’s about the experience. And when Travis feeds me, that two-star brownie immediately becomes four-star. I let out a moan, which is not something I do unless I’m really impressed by a meal.

He wipes a streak off chocolate off the corner of my mouth. Then, he leans back and opens up, waiting for me to return the favor.

***

Something is very wrong. My slacks are clinging to my thighs and my belt digs into me.

I stare at my reflection and wince. I look exactly the same from my belly button up, but the rest of me is wider. My sides bulge outward and the front of my stomach strains under my button-down shirt. There’s no denying it. I’m getting a spare tire.

It’s been two months since the wedding, I must’ve gained, what? Ten pounds? Twenty? I literally can’t even estimate a number because I’ve never been fat before.

I feel like such an idiot for not noticing. This much weight doesn’t grow on you overnight. It’s a gradual process. I should’ve felt the changes weeks ago.

And I should’ve stopped letting Travis feed me. Before our wedding, sweets were for special occasions. But now, every day is a special occasion. Every night, Travis surprises me with something sugary (usually from Luvair’s). For a while, he’d say things like, “We’re still celebrating the wedding.” Or “It’s like an extension of our honeymoon.” Comments like that gave me the mental justification I needed to give in and take a bite. But he stopped those comments a while ago, and yet, we just kept indulging.

I was aware from the beginning that Travis was thickening up. And I’m totally fine with that. His extra weight makes him look solid. Hunky.

But me? This is not how I’m supposed to look.

I consider switching to another outfit, but I’m sure I’ll have the same problem. All my nicest clothes are meant to accentuate my slim build. None of them will hide this fucking roll.

God. I have a roll.

I trudge into the living room, where Travis is waiting for me. He’s wearing a purple vest that doesn’t button anymore. He smiles at me. “Hey, handsome.”

“Hi,” I mumble.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you excited to try out their tarte tatin?” He’s talking about the premier dessert at Le Nid Canard. We have reservations there in an hour.

I want to tell him about my fat, but I can’t. For one thing, he knows. He’s probably known for a while, just as long as I’ve known about his changes. More importantly, though, he’s been looking forward to Le Nid Canard for weeks now, and it was a bitch to get reservations. I can’t ruin his night.

So I decide to cheer up, enjoy the meal, and start dieting tomorrow. My body is naturally slim. It’ll go back to normal if I start eating normally again. It’s as simple as that.

***

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “You don’t like it?”

I swallow my last bite of duck confit. He knows I liked it. He heard me moaning. And I’d already told him that it was a three-and-a-half. (He gave it a four, but he’s a bigger fan of duck than I am.) “No. It’s amazing.”

“You have this look. Are you…” He takes a deep breath. “It’s because of our marriage bodies, isn’t it?”

“Marriage bodies.” He’s talking about my spare tire and his torso’s barrelization. (I know that’s not a word, but you get it. He’s getting barrel-shaped.) It’s crazy how blunt he is about this, like it’s no big deal.

“Yeah?”

He reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “Let’s be mathematical about this. Let’s talk about it like we talk about food.”

I don’t understand.

“Look at me. I’m, you know, wider now. If you had to put a star value on how I look, what would you—”

“Five stars,” I say automatically.

He laughs. “Don’t just say that because I’m your husband. Be objective.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay.”

“On the day we met, how many stars?”

“Four.”

“And now?” He pats his solid stomach.

“Four and a half.” I mean that. I can’t explain it, but his bigger frame has boosted his number by a half star. (I know this sounds dumb, and very objectifying, but this is how Travis and I view the world.)

“Thank you. Now, think about last night, when I was straddling you on the couch and feeding you muffins from Luvair’s.”

“Five stars,” I answer. That was a five-star evening for sure.

“I agree.” He squeezes my hand. “And the last question. The hardest question. When you finally realized you were outgrowing your clothes, when you saw your wider hips for the first time, how would you rate yourself?”

“Half.”

“Half a star?”

I pull my hand away. “You want me to be honest. I’m being honest. I love how you look. I love eating with you. But… I don’t love myself right now.”

He nods. He understands.

“How would you, you know, rate me?”

He holds up five fingers, making me instantly guilty for only giving him four-and-a-half. “It looks like you have a choice. The waiter is going to come back soon. I’m going to order the tarte tatin. I already know I’m going to love it. But should I order two or just one?”

It’s a big decision. I know I need to stop myself. If I give in now, I’ll just keep giving in. I’ll get bigger and bigger. I’ll be huge.

But I can’t stop myself. I want to eat with Travis. I need to.

Fuck it. “Order two.”

He smiles. “That’s a five-star answer, Lowell.”

***

I wipe chocolate crumbs off my mouth. I’m sinking into the couch, stuffed and sleepy and very, very content.

Travis squeezes my love handle and jumps off the couch. He always has energy after we feed each other, while I turn into a lump. I don’t get it. We eat the exact same amount.

He’s only gone for a minute. When he strolls back in, he’s holding another plate of brownies.

“But we just… ate those,” I mumble.

He sits back down. “I ordered double this time. Come on. Let’s celebrate.”

“And what are we celebrating this time?”

“Progress.” He pulls up his shirt and traces his finger along the edge of his belly. Last night, his skin grew its very first stretchmark, long, pink, and irregular. It was only a matter of time. His stomach has rounded out a lot in the last month. He’s not barrel-shaped anymore. He’s… spherical, I guess.

(And if I’m being completely honest with myself, he’s finally reached five-star status. He looks amazing. He feels amazing.)

Meanwhile, I’m still conflicted about my own body. Unlike Travis, my weight collects on my hips and sides. I have love handles now. Thick ones. And I’ve upgraded my work pants twice. Instead of spherical, I guess I’m more diamond-shaped. Travis loves it. I’ve accepted it, more or less. Still a little scared.

And this second plate of brownies is reason to be scared. It’s yet another sign that we’re not just enjoying our food anymore. We’re actively, consciously fattening ourselves.

“Aren’t those expensive, though?” I ask, trying to find an excuse to slow down.

“It’s worth it,” he says.

“Maybe we should save them for tomorrow.”

He already has the first square in his hands. He’s itching to slide it into my mouth. “Is this really about the money?”

“No,” I say. “But… yeah. Aren’t those like $15 each?”

“Just take a bite.” He hovers it an inch away from my face, and of course I tear off a bite.

I moan again. Incredible as always.

“Delicious, right?”

“Yeah. But we really can’t afford…”

“Walmart,” he says.

I swallow. “What?”

“I’ve never been to Luvair’s. Or Panucci’s. Or Smoky Chef. All the treats we’ve been eating are storebought.”

“You lied?”

“And you couldn’t tell the difference. So what does it matter?”

I don’t know how I feel. I’m not mad at him. In a way, I’m relieved that we haven’t spent thousands of dollars on desserts. But I have this weird sense of… loss? Yeah, loss. For my entire adult life, I saw myself as a foodie, a guy who can appreciate fine dining when others can’t. That’s how I first bonded with Travis. And now, it’s like I lost my whole identity.

What am I anymore? Just a fat guy who’ll eat anything.

A thousand thoughts whirr through my brain, but I still eat the rest of the brownie. Plus three more. And I still rub Travis’s belly as I feed him the same amount.

I’m still happy. And I’m still in love.

***

It’s a beautiful, breezy afternoon in the park. Travis and I waddle side-by-side. He offers me a lick of his vanilla ice cream and I offer him my mint chocolate chip.

A glob of it plops onto his shirt. He trembles a little as the cold cream seeps through his tank top and reaches his skin. God, he’s cute. Just one little tremble sends waves across his soft body.

We’re weeks away from our three-year anniversary, and we still haven’t decided where we’ll go. It has to be someplace special. Someplace where we can eat and eat without ever running out of food.

Expensive restaurants are out of the question now. We haven’t gone to anyplace fancy in years. The portions are too small. Besides, very few restaurants have chairs that can accommodate my size.

Travis is fatter than me (440 compared to my meager 410), but he doesn’t have the hip-width problem that I do. I get stuck in chairs easily. Small price to pay, I guess.

By the time we reach the edge of the park, our ice creams are both finished. I avoided spilling any of mine, but Travis’s tank is a mess. He’s not embarrassed, though. A bunch of people are staring at us, but it’s not because of ice cream stains. It’s because my dimpled thighs are bursting out of my denim shorts, and because Travis’s sloping moobs are peeked over the edges of his tank top.

I look around. My sister was supposed to meet us here fifteen minutes ago. There’s no sign of her, and my knees are killing me again, so I back into the nearest bench.

Travis, still with more energy, heads over to the Indian fry bread guy near the park gate. As I watch him order, I can’t help thinking about the old me, my skinny, unmarried self. I would’ve been disgusted at the idea of eating fry bread from a park kiosk. Now, I’m salivated and silently praying that Travis will get us each two.

As he’s making his way back, Carli jogs over. She got a new haircut since the last time I saw her. That was, what? Six weeks ago? I wonder if she notices the nine extra pounds I’ve added since then.

“Hey, Carli!” Travis says as joins me on the bench.

Carli crinkles her nose at the pile of Indian fry bread in my husband’s lap. (Four pieces. He read my mind.) “I just don’t understand you two.”

I laugh. “What? It’s delicious.”

“I’m talking about how you invite me to hang out at the park. ‘Let’s sit together and catch up.’”

“Yeah? So?” I ask.

“Does it look like there’s space on the bench for me to sit with you two?”

She has a point. We fill the bench completely. Perhaps this isn’t the ideal location to meet. (Though the fry bread is definitely worth it.)

Carli shrugs. “Whatever. Anyway, I got what you asked for.” She hands Travis an envelope.

Travis takes it, but he doesn’t look happy. “You weren’t supposed to give me these in front of him,” he says between his teeth.

“I know. I just wanted to see him open it.”

“What is it?!” I shout.

“Well, I was saving it for tonight, but…” He hands me the envelope.

I tear it open. There are two tickets inside. Cruise tickets. A two-week cruise!

“Happy anniversary!” Travis says. “I know you wanted something special, and I couldn’t think of anyplace else with an endless supply of cheap food. It’s…”

“Heaven,” I finish for him. I pull him close and kiss him. The fry breads almost fall off his lap, but he catches them.

Carli walks around the park for a bit, giving us some alone time as we sloppily make out.

“Are you happy?” Travis asks as his hands sneak under my shirt.

“Five stars.”

The End

Thanks for reading! I’m planning to continue this story with a more erotic-focused sequel set at their cruise, but I probably won’t get to that for a while.

Anyway, check out a list of all my stories here.

[labs]

Hello again, Labs here with a recap of our test of Collections! We introduced this prototype back in September and then handed the feature to a handful of volunteers sourced from the notes on that post. Thank you again to all volunteers! 

We got so much useful feedback, and wanted to share some of that here, and reveal some next steps we’re taking. There are a couple of big projects cooking in Labs, and Collections has taken a backseat lately, but it is important to us to not leave y’all hanging. We very much want to build things with you here.

Our goal with the volunteer-based super-early phase of Collections was to see if those volunteers actually use the feature, watch what they come up with, and check whether anybody they invite to Tumblr signs up and becomes a regular user of the site. Turns out, nobody did sign up — it’s not as useful of an onboarding strategy as we thought it could be.

However, one piece of feedback we got is that Collections make great custom feeds, which people on Tumblr have been asking for a lot over the years. We hear you loud and clear: you want to supplement the standard Following / For You experience with more intentional control over feed content. That’s really important to us.

With that in mind, for those in the prototype, we’ve moved the Collections list to the left sidebar / mobile navigation as an expandable area like Account, for quick access. We like this better than putting them in the dashboard tab bar, but it’s still something we’re mulling over:

We also heard the need for more filtering options beyond just blogs and tags. What about only including a blog’s posts that use a certain tag, or excluding posts using a certain tag? Or list tags with a boolean AND operator (“posts tagged [tag] and [other tag]”), not just the OR operator we’re using now for sourcing tagged posts. Lots of ideas on how to further customize what shows up in the feed, and better define what the feed is “for”.

There were other fun, tangential bits of feedback, too, like the desire to make these Collections a collaborative feature, so that more than one person can help build a Collection. There were also several usability issues that came to the forefront, which we’ve addressed. And there were some well-articulated thoughts and questions about etiquette, such as how to seek a blog’s “permission” to be included in a Collection – that’s something we care a lot about, to help prevent this kind of feature from being a source of abuse.

Another piece of feedback we heard repeatedly is the desire for Collections of posts. This is not really what we intended with what we built, but it’s not too far afield either. We totally agree that having better, easier ways of collecting and curating individual posts would be useful, so we’re going to investigate that as a separate project.

With all of this in mind, we’ve split the work on Collections into two separate tracks:

Shaping this feature as a “customizable feeds” solution, away from an “invite others” tool.

Building a new thing for saving and curating static posts.

Stay tuned here on the Labs blog for updates on when/if we’ll be moving these Collections tracks of work to more people on Tumblr. (If you are one of the volunteers who helped us with Collections, you’ll still have access to it for the time being!)

Thanks for reading! And please reach out to us via Support, the replies here, or your reblogs, if you have any more feedback, as always.

[thechekhov]

Hey Chekhov! How do you start converting an AU idea from character sheets and mini comics into a plot outline for a full, continuous comic? Especially if the series you're basing it on isn't complete?

I've been following your white diamond Steven comics for years, and frankly, I love how it builds and continues the scaffolding canon laid to be something that is thematically still the same but also very unique. And I never thought I'll ever say this, but now I'm working on a canon-divergent AU with someone that's I think aiming to do something similar(continue the themes of canon but different). So I'll just like some advice, I suppose!

You might've answered something like this before, honestly, but I tried to dig a little and couldn't really find it.

Thanks, if you do answer this! I just want take the opportunity as well to say also that your comic and blog accompanied me through parts of my late teens, and I'm very grateful for you being a stabilizing influence during that time.

Thank you! I really appreciate you saying that, and I appreciate you respecting me enough to ask for advice.

As for your question...

Well, to be frank, I don't START with character sheets and mini-comics. In fact, for WD!AU, I didn't have any character sheets until I started season 2.

Think of your story as an aquarium. Your characters are fish.

Yes, they're important, but having a whole bunch of fish without any substrate, tanks, feed and WATER..... will not really make for a memorable aquarium experience.

The reality is that all stories should start with an end.

That's my personal approach, anyway.

What I mean is - you need to know the general idea for your story before you begin to write or plan it.

Let's try this:

1.Tell me about your story in THREE sentences!

Just three. Not long ones, just regular ones.

For my AU, @ask-whitepearl-and-steven, it would be:

"A young orphan runs away from home with a mysterious lady who seems more cryptid than human. He realizes that he's not human either - he used to be the ruler of an alien planet! He and the other aliens he meets decide to (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (REDACTED) and he (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (READACTED) (READ ANDCTED) (READ AND FIND OUT)."

YOU should know how YOUR story ends too! Even vaguely.

It helps if you know at what point you plan to lay down the pencil. Because if you DO know, you are always going to know which direction to walk in, even if the end is so far away it's beyond your line of sight.

It's true that when I began WDAU, I didn't have much information about White Diamond and white Pearl, because they had literally ONLY been introduced. I had to guess a lot of the details (like WP being Pink's originally) and what White would be capable of. And thankfully, my original intent for the story's end fit pretty well with what was later revealed!

But don't forget - you could also just fuck around with stuff! It's your story, after all.

And don't forget... to also look back!

2.Tell me WHY the story is happening in the first place.

There's a reason that the beginning of your story happens when it does. If there is no reason to start somewhere, then find a different place to start.

You should be able to tell me "We're picking up the story here because something significant has happened... and that significant thing happened BECAUSE...."

That 'because' is your main background information that should be revealed slowly throughout the story. In WDAU's case, we only have a few pieces of the puzzle. We know Greg's side. He know Earl's side. But there are still little bits and pieces missing! And they're all important for finding out WHY Steven ended up an orphan and WHY he is being followed by White Pearl (Earl) at the very start of the comic!

3.Tell me what the coolest and most interesting things to happen would be....and then write them!

I think this may be something that's rarely said out loud, but I will speak on the behalf of the people...

We should write the scenes we want to read. If you don't want to read the scene you're writing, then DON'T write it!

If you feel like you "have to" do a page and a half of 'lore' because you think it's traditional to have that 'explanation' about the location of your story, or the history of the species or whatever, you're simply wrong. There are other ways to reveal information aside from just forced paragraphs upon paragraphs of information that would make an SAT Reading Section sweat.

Instead, I recommend that you find the most exciting or hilarious way for the characters to discover the most important bits of info. Find a dramatic twist. Shove it into the narrative. Then, figure out what needs to happen to get there.

Ultimately, though, remember this: When you're taking advice from me or from others, don't forget to take advice from yourself, too! It's your story, after all. You know it best, and only YOU can figure out how to get it written.

I hope that helps at least a little bit! Writing it never easy, but it should still be enjoyable!

[undomesticated-animal]

"Domi, are Bear and Stud the only people you fuck?"

No, but they're the only ones (for now) that I have any interest in discussing "by name" online.

"Well who are they to you?"

Stud is my best friend in the whole world, she's the smartest person I know, and we've been together a very long time.

Bear is a local friend who is able and willing to make time for regular play.

You may see other names here from time to time (Danger, Redd, Cielo, etc) but I may or may not add them to this post.

"Do they know you talk about them?"

I would never share anything I wasn't confident they would be comfortable sharing [and maybe if yall are lucky you'll get to see me fuck one (or more) of them someday]

"What are the tags and trigger warnings?"

Hmmmmm. Imma be real, this could be a rough ride for folks. I'm not intending to shy away from difficult topics around sex and sexuality here. This is definitely gonna be a non-exhaustive list, but here are things that are likely to come up:

Consensual non-consent, physically aggressive sexual behavior (including impact play, restraints, pain play, bruising, etc), discussions of blood and bleeding during sexual activity including but not limited to menstruation and intentional sexual injury, gender play including both gender affirming play and "gender invalidation" play, objectification, mental illness and recovery (including but not limited to trauma, psychosis, mania, personality disorders, developmental disorders, etc), power play, gagging and vomiting during sex, fainting and unconscious play, racism and sexism and their impact on experience and expression of sexuality, child abuse including physical and sexual abuse and medical abuse and their impact on experience and expression of sexuality, non-monogamy including but not limited to "ethical" non-monogamy and infidelity, group sex and group play, disability and the navigation of sexuality while multiply disabled

Honestly my brain is struggling to come up with more. But I'm sure there's more. If you need something tagged, let me know and I'll do my best

"Can we come talk to you about stuff and ask questions?"

Hell yeah babes, lets kick it up! If you don't want to associate your blog with your ask, anons are on! You can also DM, or follow me on Fet [I will only accept friend requests on Fet if we're actually friends, but follows are free to all!]

"Are you gonna stick to real stuff or fantasy stories?"

Yes to both! This blog is partly an exercise in learning to communicate my desires better with partners, so I will be playing in the space of fantasy, but also in exploring what is meaningful to me about very real sexual experiences. You're welcome to try and figure out which of my stories are based on real events and which are pure fantasy lol

A running list of my favorite reviews:

"I think you just made me see the face of god"

"You're so fucking hot, you're gonna kill me"

"I just had a sexual awakening"

"World's most slapable ass"

"Blue ribbon for best in show"

"I never do this, but you're so fucking addictive"

[darcytaylor]

I have been following few blogs on the Luke - Nic situation, and yours is the only one with the take there was nothing between them. So Im very curious about your take. The issue that personally affects me here is that after living 30+ years in this world, we pick certain actions and behaviours as related to romance and attraction right, but now I feel gaslighted (not by you, but by Nic & Luke) as if my understanding about romantic attracti9j language has always been wrong (this also triggers my trauma because I was never sure about romantic attraction towards me and had spent hours and hours dissecting behaviours by those I thought were attracted to me).

However, I am unable to fit their behaviour and body language in this special bond framework. There were many genuine, natural which went PR. This is where Im confused and feel gaslighted. What are your thoughts on this?

So coming back to your theory about, its a special kind of co-worker relationship, I totally agree this is possible. When you do something you are passionate about thats life changing and meaningful with someone else you can develop a special bond. Probably something similar to the bond soldiers or medical profession share being in a traumatic environment with utmost trust in each other. In Nic & Luke's case unlike other leads they had 5 years to develop the friendship, understand the material and brainstorm between them. I can see how that would create a special bond especially when you have to be vulnerable and comfortable with each other in those intimate scenes.

However, I couldn't fit their behaviour and body language during the promo tour under this special bond framework. There were many moments of genuine connection between them which seemed to go beyond PR or platonic friendship. This is where I feel gaslighted. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think those moments were just friendship and nothing more?

I have never said that there was nothing between them (because at the end of the day I don't know what their relationship is). But I ultimately think that the actions shown don't necessarily scream "we are in a relationship". I say this from experience, I know the bond that co-works can have, and just because they smile at each other, touch each other, and are comfortable saying certain things, it doesn't make me conclude that they are together.

I also think that when I see their interviews, I am not looking for proof of a relationship between them. I think if you go into it with that mindset, that there has to be something more, you make yourself see it and then you will start to believe it. Maybe this is ultimately why you feel gaslit, and I am sorry that the whole situation had made you feel that way. It's an awful feeling to have for sure!

I do think that when actors do promo tours there will always be PR behind it. But just because it is PR doesn't make their interactions not genuine. It can be both all at the same time.

Also, even when people have co-worker relationships doesn't make loving interactions not genuine. I have stated a couple times in my responses to asks what I truly think of these types of relationships/friendships. And they have the ability to be intense! They have the ability to be more than a 'regular' relationship/friendship.

Here are things I have said in the past. It may help you better understand what I think a co-worker relationship can be like and why I think that their actions don't necessarily mean they are something more:

"I do think they mainly have a co-worker type relationship/friendship. But that's NOT saying they aren't close. It's me saying that it is a different type of relationship/friendship, because co-worker friendships do have the potential to be way more than a 'regular' friendship. (I'm also saying this from experience)"

"When you are at work, your co-works tend to see you more than your family and friends. They see you at your worst and at your best, and they have the potential to see the real you."

"I do believe that they are friends with a very close bond. After filming something like Bridgerton and going on the months long promo tour, there will be a bond between them for life, even if they don't hangout regularly after this. I think it is that bond that people are seeing that makes people believe otherwise."

"I have been working for many years, and I have insanely close relationships with coworkers. Coworkers understand a part of you that nobody ever will! And then to top that off with them having to do intimacy scenes, I can understand why they share a bond (that nobody will probably understand)."

[sdv-confessions]

Hey there, I came to know of your blog (ironically) through one of those witch-hunting posts against you. I don't understand, why people are so mad about your questioning of what's wrong with c.ai...? (Apologies in advance, looooooong ask incoming...)

From what I've seen, c.ai's model creation and training is all done in-house, which means it's not running on any external model like ChatGPT or Claude.

Our team, responsible for pioneering large portions of the large language model field, set out to bring this technology directly to you. We are proud to be a full-stack AI company, meaning we do everything from training our own language models from scratch to building the user interface. This gives us the power to create personalized experiences that no other AI can match. In fact, this tight feedback loop with our passionate users has already proven itself as we’ve tuned both our model and UX to achieve the amazing daily usage times cited above. Source: https://blog.character.ai/character-ai/

1/?

thank you very much for your asks, anon. this is the kind of response i was hoping for originally. i appreciate that you provided specific sources for your specific points. i haven't been able to find more details on c.ai's training and database either, so i dont have much to add. rest of the message is below the cut:

However, there doesn't seem to be much information on what exactly is being used to train c.ai - some people on R*ddit have chimed in but it's not 100% or backed up by any evidence.

See: C.AI trained on users. : r/CharacterAI And: What was the AI trained on? : r/CharacterAI

We can assume that c.ai is trained on popular stories, chats online, etc. including fanfiction, but the bulk of its training likely from user chats and data provided by users themselves. Ultimately though, regular laymans like us can't really be 100% sure what's going on within the company.

On its own, internet use takes up enough water and electricity, but this problem was slowly being mitigated with moves towards clean energy, especially in certain parts of the world. The introduction of cryptocurrency and now AI has completely upset the precarious balance we worked so hard and so long for. Not to bring in a completely different topic, but the Earth is on track to become completely unliveable (Earth is becoming ‘increasingly uninhabitable,’ scientists warn | The Independent) and the capitalist obsession with amassing wealth and uninhibited growth is definitely accelerating it. You can click on the links in the article and it'll take you to the reports that they took all the info from.

Anyway, back on topic: Regardless of what they personally believe, for people to tell their friends, fans, and communities to block and send hate to a single person for questioning the narrative on both sides is ins*ne. Imagine calling someone names and personally insulting them because they dared to ask for clear clarification. Blindly following the anti-AI trend is just as bad as blindly following the pro-AI trend.

I hope you're taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Please know that even if certain people on this site think being "morally right" gives them the right to be assholes, there are other people out there who still have common sense. And, idk, a country that's not exploding from the top down.

(Also, I totally agree with your stance on copyright. I grew up on bootlegs of American, Japanese, etc. media, and I'm seeing bootlegs of my childhood shows appearing these days. Fanfiction used to be literally illegal because of copyright. Great art is not made by pure originality - look at so many famous artists, they were originally trained by copying famous art themselves. Tolkien himself borrowed from many different sources to create LOTR. Entire genres and popular series are made from copying older works. If you don't want copycats, the only solution is not to put your work out there.)

[tales-from-the-blu-team]

Hello. The following is a message from the Teufort Census Bureau.

How would you rate your current employment?

Thank you for your co-operation.

@tf2-data-collection-agency

( because this is a multi muse blog I'll be answering in script style because it would be a Novel and a half otherwise)

Blu engineer/ Mac:

He tenses because he Knows better than to be Honest. He hates it here. Hates his Role and lot in life and in this grand scheme of things.

"Well, it's Hot out here. Nothing I ain't used to-"

This isn't entirely true, as his days as a civil engineer towards the end had started shifting over to spending more time in air conditioned offices going over paperwork and reviewing plans.

"- sure, I'll always be in want of the best tools and parts I can get my hands on, but I make do." He answers, careful not to let slip his true feelings.

"I do awfully miss my wife and girls back home, truth be told."

..

Spy / Matthieu smokes, leaning back and thinking.

" This is an Odd Job, of all the missions I've gone through in my career. But, it pays well and I am free from the Finality of Death for now. A professional always does his job."

He doesn't know if they are aware of his relationship to the teams Scout. He would be more surprised if they didn't give how they don't quite hide it. But any secrecy would be welcome.

Scout / Tom flashes a smile, trying to follow his uncles footsteps and be ' professional'. He can't quite hide his youthful and inexperienced Vigor.

"Well, its my first Real job, you see, so I ain't got a lot to compare it to. The killing is... my Uncle's been teaching me all the Ropes! The death thing takes some getting used to, but it don't bother me...too much.

I even got some friends here too!

....

Demo/ ( name is wip):

He's heard Engineer and Spy Warn him to be Cautious about what he says, especially to anyone outside of the team. He doesn't need to be told twice when it comes to his monthly letters to his parents.

He doesn't like lying but it's easier to hide in written words than face to face.

"First off, I'd like to thank you for the opportunity." He starts, as if he's writing a formal letter.

He rubs the back of his neck.

"I can't say the job is ..what I expected..but- but I am very grateful to have a job. That pays well.

And-and lets me explore my interests in - in chemistry. Especially explosions. My team, they're really great to me.

Awfully hot here in the desert. " He adds, hoping he doesn't set off any alarm bells.

....

Medic/ Fritz: he sits in his office chair, the base cat in his lap. Papers are organized but not necessarily the neatest. He would rather be doing research and preparing for the next battle but he knows better than to antagonize higher ups.

"The job has given me a most unique opportunity to study the human body. Every experiment is a step closer to forwarding the base of human knowledge. To push the boundaries of what we in the medical field can accomplish."

He means it truly. He comes from a family of medical researchers who specialize in pharmaceuticals.

"I do not appreciate being killed on the regular. Much less targeted by spies and Snipers. But, my team needs me.

It is a risky position I am ready to serve."

Blu Soldier and pyro are together, rarely leaving each other's side. The soldier- John speaks first. Or rather for both of them as Pyros response is unintelligble.

"With all due respect, I am unsure of what exactly our goal is here. I understand the responsibilities asked of us, but I cannot help but wonder about the ultimate goal of operations is here. The engineer is timid, but he's got a Fire in him when you stoke that motivation just right.

The scout is eager but inexperienced. Impulsive at times. The demo is taking longer than wanted to adjust but he is adjusting considering the circumstances.

The medic is a Fine man, more than I can say about the Spy. I question his leadership.

But I recognize his skill and ability in espionage and occasionally leadership.

Pyro ( via soldier): I go where Soldier goes. I do what he wants of me for the good of the team and the mission.

Heavy/ Dimitri simply shrugged.

"Job is job." There's not much to it.

"I have gun. I shoot. I get paid. Family gets money." He doesn't feel the need to include all the youthful escapades scout and demo get into, being the youngest on the team. Or how he follows along, because someone needs to keep an eye on them.

Or that he enjoys it in some fashion.

Sniper/ Mr. W:

"I get paid to blow heads up all day. Can't complain. Except for spies. Hate them." It appears to be His turn to pet the team cat, as it purrs contently.

"Seeing the Red guy- the other sniper gets me riled up. Him and me see each other through the scopes. Sometimes we try to take shots at each other."

Just a natural reaction, really.

[freakartack]

HOUSEKEEPING THINGS

1. MESSAGE TO OLD FOLLOWERS: so sorry that took so damn long. Normally i try not to treat this blog like a job but that was kind of ridiculous so i feel like an apology is in order. I fully overestimated just how much stuff i wanted to draw for this bit and i did not expect my blog to be held ransom by cartoon characters for two months but here we are. Thank you guys for being cool and patient about my hubris! I hope it was worth the wait. And if not, here is your money back. (placing imaginary money in your hand)

2. MESSAGE TO NEW FOLLOWERS: hi. Welcome to my blog! Thank you for taking an interest in my jokes. Because my blog has been held ransom by cartoon characters for two months i should probably emphasize that this is not an ask blog and is in fact just a regular blog, that happened to be held ransom by cartoon characters for two months. I do still draw wario comics though! A lot! So if you're into that, then you're in the right place.

3. THE ASKBOX SITUATION: So prior to mona stealing my login info this april you may have noticed that i shut down my askbox and turned off the lights. There was a couple reasons for that

3a. I accidentally got addicted to the internet

3b. I accidentally got so addicted to the internet that tumblr thought i was a premier hashtag super mario poster presumably solely based on the fact that i did not shut up for five days straight and so for several weeks it redirected every new person that said they liked mario to my blog and i thoguht they were all spam bots so i freaked it

4. WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW

4a. Freak it

4b. Just kidding

4c. WARIOWARE CAMPING!!! Currently I am in a tight spot Schedule wise however the next page is well on its way (had been put on pause due to april fools fiasco) and so it should be ready soon. If nothing else this experience has taught me how to pump out a fucking lot of comics so although i intend to make these drawings much higher in quality i will do my best to get the ball rolling!

4c. RANDO DRAWINGS: Also soemthing that I have to work on is not dropping off the face of the earth when I don't have a comic to post so I will be posting some fun little extras in between comics. I sometimes feel guilty when i do that cause i'm like "that doesn't count as a post" which is kind of dumb if you ask me. So i will be posting some art on my art blog going forward

4d. THE ASKBOX SITUATION: THE SQUEAKUEL: So you see my issue is I don't want to get addicted to the internet or overwhelmed or attacked by droves of spam bots and/or innocent civilians BUT i still want to have asks open because i like talking to you guys and i miss it. SO, i will compromise by opening my askbox on weekends, so that way i can have the best of both worlds. Maybe i will expand the ask window later on if i can behave myself but we'll see how it goes.

4e. FIXING MY BLOG THEME: Idk if i'm going to change it back to the pitcher plant pic but i do want to make it not be this. I might make a slightly updated theme that matches my content better so i might put a different warioware banner up there but idk i feel bad kicking out the plant. How are we feeling. The brave little toaster thing in my icon is staying no matter what though sorry.

5. OK THAT'S ALL BYE: Bye

[ryuichirou]

Replies

One ask about the Vil drawing from yesterday, one very sweet ask, and one ask that made me think about the logistics of human/dragon sex…

Anonymous asked:

Fuck yeah, child murder

I support Vil's right to just fucking kill people

HE DESERVED IT! This is his stress relief. Vil “I’d never kill somebody unless they pissed me off” Schoenheit.

Although I think it’s very cute that he came back to his senses very quickly in the story. Poor Vil was just shocked that a kid could be this rude to him…

Anonymous asked:

I think I already sent an ask like some time ago, but I feel like it is a good time to state again how enjoyable it is to visit this blog. None of my irl friends are into twst, and I'm too awkward to make friends through fandom/social media, so your blog has been one of the main ways to talk and hear about the silly mage guys. Also I've always loved to touch on mature themes in my favourite fandoms, so I'm glad I can always come here for that.

Anyway, it's been a blast, so I thank you two very much for the great time I've had until now! Your work has helped me a lot!

Dear Anon! Thank you so much for your incredibly sweet message, it means so much. I am very happy that you’re here with us and that you’re having fun here.

It really does mean a lot that us doing all those self-indulgent things could help you on any level. Messages like this one really help us too; whenever things get hard and the pressure starts affecting us and our enjoyment of posting stuff, it makes us feel so much better knowing that we’re not just screaming into the void, and that there are people who find comfort or enjoyment in things that we do.

So thank you once again for sticking around and being kind <3

Anonymous asked:

HIII I HOPE YOU TWO ARE WELL!!!!! Love both your art and storytelling and you guys are probably the reason why I write dark content now🙏

I come with a question hehe

Does Dragon Malleus ever get a proper dick down by Lilia or Sebek or does he have to suffer and get himself off with his tail always😔

Hi Anon!! <3 Thank you so much for your kind words and for liking both our art and storytelling, that’s so cool to hear! Sorry for possibly turning you into a dark content enjoyer lol I’m happy you like it though!

Poor Dragon Malleus probably doesn’t get as much attention, but not because everyone is very mean, but because it’s pretty difficult to have big enough space that is also discreet enough + have enough time to do it. He probably has to fly his suitor to his date spot of choice whenever he wants it to happen… 🤔

But Lilia does treat him sometimes! He is probably currently the one and only person in the world who is qualified enough to satisfy a big hungry dragon lol He has experience… And let’s just say, it’s more energy consuming that any regular kind of fucking because you kind of need to get creative and active sometimes…. Unfortunately, just using a dick isn’t really enough.

Sebek has never been entrusted with such an important task before, but Malleus and Lilia both know that it’s going to happen one day, and that Lilia would have to train Sebek and teach him everything about the way Malleus loves to be pleasured in his dragon form. Sebek has no clue yet… But he’ll do his best!! His dick isn’t as big as Lilia’s, but his limbs are longer and his body is larger and heavier, so Malleus is going to enjoy him once he’s ready.

Oh right, Malleus’ tail. He likes its shape and size, but he the thought of doing it to himself is too depressing. But… he does get lonely and horny, so he entertains the idea sometimes…

[amidael]

AMIDAEL is an indie, canon divergent // lived!au PADMÉ AMIDALA NABERRIE SKYWALKER of the star wars universe. mainly based around episodes I, II, & III and after with an au ending for her, please respect this. with verses in arthurian legends, bridgerton, the lord of the rings and more! by belle. she/her, 30+. please read the rules before following. this blog may contain dark themes. a mature audience is advised. this blog will only write with those 21+. 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐧𝐢.

THIS MUSE HAS BEEN MOVED: she is here now.

DIRECTORY: info // memes // promo

rules and bio also under the cut.

– a highly selective indie PADME AMIDALA blog. the tracked tag for this blog is #AMIDAEL. discord is available upon request. this blog is a multifandom, multiverse, crossover, oc & duplicate friendly account.

– FADE TO BLACK IS PREFERRED. romance leading up to smut is okay. that being said, smut may be referenced on occasion and will only written with trusted writing partners that are also over twenty-one plus. that also being said, I do love writing romance, pun intended, fade to black is just preferred.

– If something is triggering to you & you would like it to be tagged, please don't be afraid to politely ask me to tag it. For tagged triggers I will use #TRIGGER CW. I currently do not have any triggers to be tagged.please note that the views of my character are not my own personal views. OOC=/=IC.

– I am mostly iconless and I may use small gifs from time to time as well. I will likely some bolds or italics when need be and small text, that's as much as I do as far as formatting goes. I am willing to use regular text as well if that is easier for my writing partners.

– MUTUTALS/FOLLOWING/INTERACTIONS. I am a mututals only blog. If you have recently followed me and when I follow you back you unfollow me, please just softblock/hardblock. I often throw out starter calls and memes are a good way to get things going, so please be patient for starters with those.

– Send me memes to get threads started. Like my starter calls for threads, message me for threads, etc. leave a comment of which muse you want the starter for on starter calls as well as when you send memes if you are a mutlimuse. 

– REBLOG FROM THE SOURCE. Please do not reblog a meme from me, especially if you have no intentions of sending me a meme in return. also please do not reblog memes from me if we are not mutuals. since this has happened multiple times, if you do not follow me and you reblog a meme from me, you will be blocked. I do not want my notifications cluttered. I'm not a meme blog. the same goes for graphics and such as well.

– drama, hate, callouts and blog policing is NOT TOLERATED here. let's keep rp as a fun and creative experience. keep the drama to the characters.

– hello there! I'm belle. she/her. 30+ and in the EST time zone.patience is appreciated and I look forward to writing with you! thank you also for reading through my rules, that is much appreciated as well.

– psd by: oil_rig___psd_by_sawbonesources. 

biography.

Padmé Amidala Naberrie is a human senator of the Naboo people. Before being senator, she was an elected Queen, until a new one took her place. She is passionate about her politics and for protecting her people. Even after she is no longer Queen, Padmé does whatever she can to keep the peace, even if that means her own life is at stake.

During her adventures in negotiations, Padmé is protected by Jedi Anakin Skywalker and the two form something of a secret romance, even going so far as to get married under guise.

Padmé struggles with her bond with Anakin and the need to protect her people. Still, she attends senate meetings, putting in her voice to help where she can even with the wars brewing. When she becomes pregnant, Padmé becomes a little more recluse, keeping to her and Anakin's apartment in Coruscant until the twins are born. Tensions are still high and they are given no choice but to give up the twins to the current leader of Naboo and her husband and one to Anakin's stepfamily.

The kingdom still fakes her death, sending her away on the boat. Where she ends up getting away after the show to start her new life, though not without the worries. Padmé struggles with the loss of her children and essentially her husband too.

[terror-punk]

Hey there! Your blog is extremely inspiring and we've been thinking of trying to express ourselves in the external world more. The problem is one of us' expression would be incredibly physically damaging to both the body and outside. I get sudden violent urges and want to tear things down, scream, kick things over, yell at people that I'm not really the person theyve known. This would be a true expression but it dosent feel like the way to go. At the same time, we have tried other ways to express like art, exercise, etc, but the urge is still there. Sometimes it even gets worse. In the past we directed our anger to the body rather than outward so it feels like it's about to burst. Part of why I'm so fucking angry is because I've never fronted before, not like this, I wasn't allowed to but am able to now after a lot of work and everything feels alien and I dont know how to exist here in the external world. I just feel like I want to do what ive been doing back in my own world, but in the external one, which I think is kind of stupid because why would I want to replicate something Im already doing except its not even possible to replicate due to physics... and other stuff. Do you have any thoughts on what to do about this, or just...thoughts about it? I would appreciate any thoughts. Also, thank you for the blog. It means a lot to us. -T and T

Hey, thanks for the ask anon. Your situation is really relatable, honestly. I'm a fictive and persecutor with a LOT of violent urges from my memories--and god they're hard to deal with sometimes. I wouldn't ever harm anyone realistically but it gets hard to mentally manage. I've gotten much better over time and with the right support from friends, but it took a while. I took a bit to get to this ask (sorry), so I hope you're doing a little better with managing it now.

I know you mentioned exercise doesn't work, but have you tried working out, maybe? Not just regular exercise, I mean go to the gym and really go at it. Full force. Beat the hell out of a punching bag, maybe? If you invest in one for your own home, you could even customise it in a way that makes it more relieving to hit, somehow?

Being able to scream via music writing could also help. You don't even have to be good at it, and it could be a better form of artistic expression than traditional art if you haven't tried it before.

Another way might be to, if possible, get friends you may already have to 1. know about you, and 2. know how to react if you do have an outburst. Maybe having people who get it will help you feel less violent, but even if not--maybe you can find people who can handle the yelling as just a part of you? You'd need to thoroughly discuss boundaries and such, but it could work if you're in the right situation.

I'm not sure what else to suggest right this moment, but if anyone else wants to add on, feel free. Good luck with finding a solution, and remember you're not alone in this experience.

[tombfreak]

Hi! I'd like to ask some questions about AsPD, as someone whose knowledge about it is limited to tumblr blogs, internet searches, and the DSM-5 criteria for it. The questions may come across as ignorant, but I do really want to understand it more and get educated ^^;

1. Your previous post about AsPD mentioned how a lot of people with AsPD experience guilt/remorse. Is this remorse the same as other people or different? Is it like, "I feel bad that my actions hurt somebody."?

2. I don't know how else to word this, but what kinds of emotions do you (and others with AsPD) experience...? Because there's posts saying that anger is possible, but they don't really mention happiness. Maybe I'm confusing the empathy part and emotions part together.

3. AsPD is about self-preservation, from my understanding, and I see different people talk about how they see others as property they have to take care of, or something that benefits them. So, I'm curious how "real" connections start to form between a regular person and someone with AsPD. How does a father with AsPD take care of his daughter, like what does he think and feel about it? Or how do you recognize that you're falling in love/fell in love?

I apologize again if these end up coming across as ignorant. Thank you again!

Hey thanks for the ask, I've been very preoccupied with other stuff so my bad for not getting around to this until now. Also never apologize for wanting to learn, there's absolutely no shame in ignorance of theres the intention of learning alongside it.

To answer your questions, (under the cut cuz its long):

1. Remorse/guilt in ASPD is another complex part of the disorder. Only 49% of people with ASPD do have remorse, and their experiences with will be completely dependent on the individual person. Most commonly, they will have their own type of remorse thats different than the non-antisocial remorse. It may be more associated with shame of getting caught, a fear of losing something that they value, or not wanting to be seen as a bad person, rather than genuinely feeling bad for causing others harm. Its most likely to stem from self-preservation and selfish desires rather than caring for the other person. But there is a possibility that someone with ASPD can experience genuine, prosocial, caring remorse and guilt for the harm they cause if the other criteria is met regardless of the presence of their guilt. There is a quote I like that goes "My guilt does not purify me". Antisocial behaviour is still antisocial behaviour even if you feel guilty about it.

To put it into perspective, I don't experience the 'normal' type of remorse for my actions. I rarely ever truly feel bad, or care. I feel bad for my friends if someone else hurt them, or if they're having a bad day because of something outside if my control, I'll care because I'm protective. But if they get hurt over something I did, no matter how close we are, I wont feel any remorse. I will only feel upset that they were being sensitive, or didn't see it from my side, or took things too seriously. Most of the time I will try to diffuse the situation and get things back to normal, but I absolutely hate apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so I either lie or beat around the bush.

2. Someone with ASPD can feel all the emotions someone without it can. It's a very common misunderstanding that we are cold, emotionless robots, because this stems from the Hollywood Psychopath trope. It is a common experience for people with ASPD, especially more extreme presentations, to not be able to understand the emotions they feel, and they do not feel comfortable with letting themselves feel things, or express it, which may come across as them not having any feelings. They may have been raised in an unstable environment where showing emotion was punishable or seen as weak. But some people with ASPD are completely capable of expressing, feeling, and understanding their emotions, especially further down the line in recovery.

Anger is a very common feeling that people with ASPD experience. The presence of this anger is seen in the DSM-5 criterion of "irritability and aggressiveness". But we are also able to feel happiness and sadness. A lot of the time, the emotions will be connected with the reward system in the brain, such as being happy that they got what they wanted, or disappointed that they wasted their time or things didn't go their way. ASPD has a lot of selfishness connected with it, as seen in the lack of care for others, "me vs the world" mindsets, and disregard for norms and boundaries. But we are still people, and a good amount of people with ASPD are able to just feel happy, sad, etc as any other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel for someone else, especially in terms of feeling sad/caring/bothered if someone else is sad. Lacking empathy is not a criteria for ASPD, but a lot of people with ASPD do lack empathy. There is also a common misconception that people with ASPD don't feel fear, which isn't true at all. Instead, they might act like they aren't scared to maintain an image of being untouchable, or their recklessness might get in the way of their ability to care if something is dangerous.

For me personally, I feel a very wide range of emotions from happiness, excitement, sadness, fear, worry, anger, disappointment, etc. Mostly, though, I am in a pretty neutral state and I try not to let myself feel my negative emotions for very long. I don't like to dwell on things as it feels like that gives it power over me, so I try to brush things off quickly if they make me upset in any way. If something is important to me though, I don't mind letting my feelings towards it stick around, because I view it as me still being in control, because I have the right to be upset. It's a bit nonsensical and doesn't really have the best logical behind it, but thats my experience with my emotions personally. It's different for everyone.

3. This is another one of those things where it completely depends on the person. ASPD is a social disorder, so interpersonal relationships are bound to have a strain on them. A lot of people with ASPD struggle to keep people around because people struggle to keep up with their antisocial behaviours. Having social dominance and respect is an important thing for a lot of people with ASPD if they want to have a foundation to build relationships on. They may need to feel like they're in control, or take a lot of time to develop trust with people enough to feel like they don't have to burn the bridge at the slightest hint of disrespect. For a parent with ASPD, they may view their child as an extension of themselves, or something to control and have power over, or something they need to protect, like a prized possession.

For me personally, I'm huge on respect and loyalty. If someone shows me they can give me a space where I don't have to feel like I have something to prove, or that I can let my guard down a bit, then I'll let myself form a friendship with them. I need some sort of leverage on a person before I can really let myself be friends with them though, so that if they fuck me over in any way then I'll be able to flip the power dynamic and settle the score. But I value what my friends offer me, which gives me room to value them as people instead of just viewing them as some TV character or tool to benefit me, and I am very loyal and protective towards my good friends.

I have had many relationships and friendships in the past that were entirely just for my own personal entertainment. I never understood why people would stay friends with someone who inconvenienced them in any way. For me, the moment someone stopped giving me what I wanted, or if there was the slightest hint of disrespect, I would burn that bridge and it would usually end very messily. (I have spent the past months working hard to overcome the mindset of viewing people on a scale of if they're worth my time or not, because I think its our job as human beings to love each other without stopping to wonder if they're worth it.)

My girlfriend on the otherhand though is my "exception person", my prized possession but humanized in my mind. She is the most important person in my life, and I care for her in ways I'm not able to with anyone else, not even myself. I let her into my life because she was the one person who never judged me, or treated me like a bad person or a problem. She always offered me a space to make mistakes, and still gave me support regardless, and was always there for me to lean back on. I realized I loved her because whenever our relationship got rocky and we broke up, it hurt. I've always been the type to cut someone off for the smallest thing without batting an eye, but I was stubborn with my girlfriend and desperately did not want to lose her. I used to write her letters and shit trying to express my feelings that I never sent her 💀.

She's the only person I really listen to because she's proven to me time and time again that I can trust her judgment. Over the four years we've been together, she has proven to me that she is dependable, loyal, and that she has my back no matter what. That is a type of person I cherish and care to keep around. All of the people in my life that I value are ones that have proven to me they're worth my time and effort and that I can count on them to be loyal ride or dies.

Hope this answered your questions there and cleared some things up :] It's important to remember how complex ASPD is and how different it can present in different people. One persons experience wont apply to every single person with ASPD, and even with common experiences there are outliers to acknowledge as well

[theofficersacademy]

At long last, the morning light comes and the last drops of rainwater remain pooled on the ground rather than pouring from the heavens. Some students prepare for the trip back to the monastery, others remain fast asleep where they are, and rescue efforts are made for those who had found themselves stranded from the main party. The Viscount offers everyone to take their time today to recover and gather themselves if need be, and as the decorations are cleaned, reality finally sets in. The ball is over, the storm has passed, and new memories, good or bad, have been born as the calendar changes over to a new date…

We hoped you enjoyed the Ethereal Ball! Now, please read the following carefully:

How To Claim Your Prizes

Your muse may keep the bracelet as a memento of the event. Viscount Menja's staff reveals to your muse that the bracelet can be unwound to be transformed into a wind chime. Bonus!

As per the event rules, you must have a separate post, page on your blog, or Google Doc with all of your collected bracelet charms. Mention of the bracelet or the corresponding charm in the interaction is all that is needed for it to count towards your total. Each bracelet must have a link to the corresponding interaction. Please double-check all of your links!

Send an ask to this blog. This should include a link to your bracelet tracker/doc and the prize you’re claiming for your muse. If you have at least one of each bracelet charm, you can choose one prize. You can find the list of Ethereal Ball prizes here (Spring tab, includes Fleeting Snow!).

Additionally, if your muse qualifies for the above, they will also be granted access to the Dancer class. This class will be treated like a modified Intermediate class, and will require 5 threads that are 400+ words as well as a drabble reflecting your muse’s journey to becoming a dancer in order to master this class. This class will grant the abilities Refresh and Dazzle upon mastery.

Lastly, Ethereal Ball interactions may continue past the end of the event, but only exchanges that were made during the month of May will be counted for prizes.

CLAIM SCHEDULE.

Please send the masterlist an ask to claim your event prizes during the allotted days for the charm assigned to your muse. Claims sent outside their respective windows will be deleted.

6/1-6/2: Seashell muses 6/3-6/4: Starfish muses 6/5-6/6: Anchor muses 6/7-6/8: Turtle muses 6/9-6/10: Pearl muses

The submission period is from 12:00AM EST the first day to 11:59PM EST the second day. We at least need to receive it during this time frame. Use the clock in the Masterlist’s sidebar to double check the date and time if you are not sure.

If you miss your window to claim your prizes, you forfeit them. Do not procrastinate.

Regular monthly claims can be sent any time, as long as they're separate from event claims.

HOW TO SEND IN CLAIMS.

When sending claims, please send separate asks for event-specific claims vs. regular claims.

Event specific claims: prizes and Dancer access Regular claims: activity point rank up, other class access/mastery

As always, please feel free to ask any questions!

Wrapping Up the Masquerade

We hope you enjoyed our rerun of the mini event within the Ethereal Ball! Now that the event is over, the mystical underwater ballroom has been closed. The mods will no longer be posting submissions to the masquerade blog, but you can reveal your muses and/or continue threads on your own blogs.

Let us know if you have any questions or concerns!

Event Feedback

As always, we earnestly welcome and solicit your feedback on your experience with this month’s event. Please take some time to fill out the feedback form here. This is coming a bit earlier this time so it doesn’t get lost in the new mission board rush.

- The House Leaders

[the-monarch-effect-official]

Hello, everyone, I have a some thoughts and questions for those who have been through RAMCOA, more towards Monarch-type experiences, but anyone who has gone through similar experiences will help me understand more.

Last week, I went to the mall with my family, it was a neat time, but I went into a store (Miss A, an ultra-cheap cosmetics store) with a checkerboard floor as our last stop. Now, if I wasn't developing a book around the subject, I wouldn't have paid any mind to it. But, as we were leaving, innocent things, like the playground being decorated with a fox and a rabbit had a dark hue (context: for my project specially, rabbits and wolves are prevalent in Samuel's life, both in system and events).

Watching movies is tricky now. All the time, you hear about celebrities and politicians being part of "The Illuminati" and such, with many of the conspiracy theorists having flat-earther levels of "out there." They speak some truth, but they are stereotypically way off. But, once you see the sings for the first time (like checks), it's impossible to not see it. As an artist, I only wonder, "We creatives have all this talent and drive, but to use it for this?"

I know not everyone in the industry knows all the signs and symbols, but I've learned that you can make anything mean anything under the right context. For example, some of Samuel's alters stay away from a Wolfsangle, while others are drawn to it, as they mean different things to different alters. (Wolves, keep away; humans, come fourth.)

I also had a dream a while back about a group of sisters who seemed to be well-off, with a mansion and outdoor garden. However, they didn't know that they were victims of "Monarch," to simply the terms. "I thought I was just normal," one said.

This situation is similar to that of the testimony of a woman who had gone through what you may know as Satanic Abuse, which, for those who are unaware, is not necessarily ritual abuse, but can be if it's done ritually (on a holiday like Halloween or Christmas, for example). She had gone to a sleepover (like a "normal" teen) and someone had microwaved some leftover pizza, which reminded her of the smell of death, which is a very distinct smell that I have had the fortune of not knowing. However, she did not know why it smelled in such a way until she recovered those memories.

So, my question sort of boils down to this: before realizing that you were a system, or recovered any significant memories of abuse, would you have considered your life "normal?" Do or did you have an alter/part that had a very different "normal?" I have heard that, with DID proper (with amnesia), some alters have very different lives. Though I have parts myself, I don’t black out on a regular basis and I suppose it wasn't necessary.

Another topic of curiosity that's been on my mind, probably since the start of this journey, was how one relates to art and entertainment (movies, music, TV, video games, ect) when such things are used as anchors to programs. For example, the Wizard of Oz movie is considered a household movie for its introduction to technicolor, but is also one of the hallmarks of Monarch Programming. I have been told that Pokémon Emerald had been used or tied to this, which saddens me as a fan of the series, especially of the Hoenn region where Emerald is set (one of my other blogs is an oc fan thing, it's very dear to me). I think, to keep it succinct, my question is: if someone were to watch The Wizard of Oz or a similar movie, could they possibly get to a point where they could watch it all the way through and form an opinion on it despite the trauma?

I ask this because I am an artist who likes movies, games, TV shows, etc. However, I also want to be mindful of what I create. My current storyline with The Monarch Effect isn't as overt with the common symbolism, but the concepts are still there (my current question is whether Samuel's family are actually Nazis or is Aryanism a better descriptor of their beliefs, and how that follows). I've even found a Nazi-era red riding hood film that employs a similar black & white to color and back technique before The Wizard of Oz did, though not as impressive. The Little Red Ridinghood story, as well as plenty of other German tales are stand-ins for the more commonplace stories used in programming scripts.

I'll end it here before I veer off topic, so I hope that

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

I updated Brother's page - so now only the Background section might need a read-over/editing to complete the page.

https://akudamadrive.miraheze.org/wiki/Brother

(I wrote his Personality section, and kept it pretty simple, since I don't think there's more to be added - but if anyone sees a mistake, or has something to contribute, please don't hesitate! Just cite the source by writing it as <ref>Text or [https://whatever.source Link]</ref> at the end of the sentence! It'll add that totes adorbs [number].

If you're really scared of making your first edit, don't hesitate to ask me first through either my Talk page or this blog, but you don't have to. For certain reasons....... Having active edits on the Wiki right now would be very helpful!)

Honestly, from writing this... Brother's shtick really is "traumatised boy has his shields all the way up, until being faced by his sister's love breaks them down". It's simple but efficient. The text literally tells you "these kids just want to be together", but it's also reflected through their experience: Brother made a big show of protecting his sister, so of course she loves him. By being so convinced he had to take this role, he missed out on her feelings, and by working so hard to be protective - and protect his own feelings as well, subconsciously - he didn't allow himself to experience them.

They're presented as the "creepy little immortal kids with a dead stare and no emotions" but that's not their reality. Brother is used to being physically abused ("hit me, stab me, it doesn't matter, we're used to this") and even seeing his sister abused ("WE"), so of course he's stopped freaking out about it by this point. Not to mention, he's learned to avoid worrying about it, because he does have the ability to feel. (So did his other siblings who felt bad, so did the fucking original cat.) Sister, on the other hand, on top of potentially experiencing this abuse as well (in a manner much more isolated than her brother, who had tons of other siblings for a while), has been so over-protected by him that she didn't have the space or time to develop her own personality. It was once she was separated from her brother that she started crying and having fun.

I continue to feel deeply uncomfortable with the viewers who hated on Sister for "being an annoying little girl who just cried for her brother". That's not a "loud childish stereotypical anime mascot/girl" that's a child. That's a grieving child. That's a child who's learning to have emotions for the first time. As someone who endured depression as a child+teenager and, when I had an opportunity to act like a regular teenager again, was faced with adults who asked me to go back to being completely alone, silent and unmoving - fuck you. You have to extend love to little girls. You have to extend love to teenager girls. Lest you be antisocial.

[after-witch]

Okay, hold on because this?

You’re spitting nothing but facts. I’ve said this exact same thing on both of my previous blogs (not this one, not yet xmdkxkdnd) about how x reader just was not a thing in Ye Fandom of Olde. I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape. There are certain aspects of it that I miss for sure and others I’m glad to leave in the past.

The completely random conversations between the author and the character(s) among them, GOD, the way that still activates every single one of my cringe reflexes. 😂 Actually my all time favorite fic had those for the first dozen or so chapters, but she thankfully left them in the fore and afterword, not haphazardly placed in the fic itself, so it was easy to ignore haha. I can laugh at it and maybe even look back at it fondly, but I don’t think I want that particular trend to make a comeback any time soon xmxmdnd

It’s kind of surreal in a way, finding someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about and sharing that mutual experience. I know there have to be more of us out there but I feel like a good chunk of them have probably moved on from anime fandom content so I’m very glad to have found you like this. 💕

I unfortunately got busy with one of my own projects yesterday and didn’t get a chance to read anymore of your stuff, but I’m really looking forward to diving in once I’m done. When I tell you I am 👀 eyeballing the hell out of your Sesshomaru fics cmdkxmdmd

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho? 🥹

"I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape."

We can both be crones, in that case! But no, I completely get what you're saying. It was SO different. I am genuinely appreciative of the fact that "reader fic" is so popular and the distaste I see for it is mainly "it's clogging up the regular tags" rather than the absolute nastiness that used to be associated with any OCs or inkling of "hey I like these characters, wouldn't it be neat if they wanted me?"

OCs in general were considered taboo enough, but reader fic was just… not a "thing" back in the early 2000s, really, not in the style we know it today. When second person was used, it was usaully meant to be stylized (rather than today where the intent of second person is "reader fic," to pull the reader into the story in a different, visceral way) and second person fics would fall into the OC bucket.

Gosh on that note, I remember "Mary Sue Hunter" groups that would find any OCs on ye olde fanfiction.net and leave reviews with forms to determine how much of a "Mary Sue" someone's OC was.

If you were going to attempt an OC, it felt like you had to make them Super Super Boring and Normal and Ordinary and No Actual Characters Ever Fell in Love with Them (except maybe non-important side characters) in order to get people to leave you alone.

Not that there's anything wrong with writing characters who are ordinary but it rarely felt it was an organic decision from the authors, but rather a reflection of what was "okay" to write.

Fandom is so different now. As you said, there's some things I miss ("don't like, don't read" and "you're responsible for what you read" being the standard etiquette, for one...) but plenty that I don't, too.

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho?

Yessss. I love it. I have so many discarded OCs from my teenage years from YYH, they were all ridiculously self-indulgent ofc. I do want to at some point write a few yandere YYH characters, but I haven't gotten any inspiration for it yet.