#We are now back to your regular ask blog experience!

[carcinoarmageddon]

[labs]

Hello again, Labs here with a recap of our test of Collections! We introduced this prototype back in September and then handed the feature to a handful of volunteers sourced from the notes on that post. Thank you again to all volunteers! 

We got so much useful feedback, and wanted to share some of that here, and reveal some next steps we’re taking. There are a couple of big projects cooking in Labs, and Collections has taken a backseat lately, but it is important to us to not leave y’all hanging. We very much want to build things with you here.

Our goal with the volunteer-based super-early phase of Collections was to see if those volunteers actually use the feature, watch what they come up with, and check whether anybody they invite to Tumblr signs up and becomes a regular user of the site. Turns out, nobody did sign up — it’s not as useful of an onboarding strategy as we thought it could be.

However, one piece of feedback we got is that Collections make great custom feeds, which people on Tumblr have been asking for a lot over the years. We hear you loud and clear: you want to supplement the standard Following / For You experience with more intentional control over feed content. That’s really important to us.

With that in mind, for those in the prototype, we’ve moved the Collections list to the left sidebar / mobile navigation as an expandable area like Account, for quick access. We like this better than putting them in the dashboard tab bar, but it’s still something we’re mulling over:

We also heard the need for more filtering options beyond just blogs and tags. What about only including a blog’s posts that use a certain tag, or excluding posts using a certain tag? Or list tags with a boolean AND operator (“posts tagged [tag] and [other tag]”), not just the OR operator we’re using now for sourcing tagged posts. Lots of ideas on how to further customize what shows up in the feed, and better define what the feed is “for”.

There were other fun, tangential bits of feedback, too, like the desire to make these Collections a collaborative feature, so that more than one person can help build a Collection. There were also several usability issues that came to the forefront, which we’ve addressed. And there were some well-articulated thoughts and questions about etiquette, such as how to seek a blog’s “permission” to be included in a Collection – that’s something we care a lot about, to help prevent this kind of feature from being a source of abuse.

Another piece of feedback we heard repeatedly is the desire for Collections of posts. This is not really what we intended with what we built, but it’s not too far afield either. We totally agree that having better, easier ways of collecting and curating individual posts would be useful, so we’re going to investigate that as a separate project.

With all of this in mind, we’ve split the work on Collections into two separate tracks:

Shaping this feature as a “customizable feeds” solution, away from an “invite others” tool.

Building a new thing for saving and curating static posts.

Stay tuned here on the Labs blog for updates on when/if we’ll be moving these Collections tracks of work to more people on Tumblr. (If you are one of the volunteers who helped us with Collections, you’ll still have access to it for the time being!)

Thanks for reading! And please reach out to us via Support, the replies here, or your reblogs, if you have any more feedback, as always.

[thechekhov]

Hey Chekhov! How do you start converting an AU idea from character sheets and mini comics into a plot outline for a full, continuous comic? Especially if the series you're basing it on isn't complete?

I've been following your white diamond Steven comics for years, and frankly, I love how it builds and continues the scaffolding canon laid to be something that is thematically still the same but also very unique. And I never thought I'll ever say this, but now I'm working on a canon-divergent AU with someone that's I think aiming to do something similar(continue the themes of canon but different). So I'll just like some advice, I suppose!

You might've answered something like this before, honestly, but I tried to dig a little and couldn't really find it.

Thanks, if you do answer this! I just want take the opportunity as well to say also that your comic and blog accompanied me through parts of my late teens, and I'm very grateful for you being a stabilizing influence during that time.

Thank you! I really appreciate you saying that, and I appreciate you respecting me enough to ask for advice.

As for your question...

Well, to be frank, I don't START with character sheets and mini-comics. In fact, for WD!AU, I didn't have any character sheets until I started season 2.

Think of your story as an aquarium. Your characters are fish.

Yes, they're important, but having a whole bunch of fish without any substrate, tanks, feed and WATER..... will not really make for a memorable aquarium experience.

The reality is that all stories should start with an end.

That's my personal approach, anyway.

What I mean is - you need to know the general idea for your story before you begin to write or plan it.

Let's try this:

1.Tell me about your story in THREE sentences!

Just three. Not long ones, just regular ones.

For my AU, @ask-whitepearl-and-steven, it would be:

"A young orphan runs away from home with a mysterious lady who seems more cryptid than human. He realizes that he's not human either - he used to be the ruler of an alien planet! He and the other aliens he meets decide to (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (REDACTED) and he (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (READACTED) (READ ANDCTED) (READ AND FIND OUT)."

YOU should know how YOUR story ends too! Even vaguely.

It helps if you know at what point you plan to lay down the pencil. Because if you DO know, you are always going to know which direction to walk in, even if the end is so far away it's beyond your line of sight.

It's true that when I began WDAU, I didn't have much information about White Diamond and white Pearl, because they had literally ONLY been introduced. I had to guess a lot of the details (like WP being Pink's originally) and what White would be capable of. And thankfully, my original intent for the story's end fit pretty well with what was later revealed!

But don't forget - you could also just fuck around with stuff! It's your story, after all.

And don't forget... to also look back!

2.Tell me WHY the story is happening in the first place.

There's a reason that the beginning of your story happens when it does. If there is no reason to start somewhere, then find a different place to start.

You should be able to tell me "We're picking up the story here because something significant has happened... and that significant thing happened BECAUSE...."

That 'because' is your main background information that should be revealed slowly throughout the story. In WDAU's case, we only have a few pieces of the puzzle. We know Greg's side. He know Earl's side. But there are still little bits and pieces missing! And they're all important for finding out WHY Steven ended up an orphan and WHY he is being followed by White Pearl (Earl) at the very start of the comic!

3.Tell me what the coolest and most interesting things to happen would be....and then write them!

I think this may be something that's rarely said out loud, but I will speak on the behalf of the people...

We should write the scenes we want to read. If you don't want to read the scene you're writing, then DON'T write it!

If you feel like you "have to" do a page and a half of 'lore' because you think it's traditional to have that 'explanation' about the location of your story, or the history of the species or whatever, you're simply wrong. There are other ways to reveal information aside from just forced paragraphs upon paragraphs of information that would make an SAT Reading Section sweat.

Instead, I recommend that you find the most exciting or hilarious way for the characters to discover the most important bits of info. Find a dramatic twist. Shove it into the narrative. Then, figure out what needs to happen to get there.

Ultimately, though, remember this: When you're taking advice from me or from others, don't forget to take advice from yourself, too! It's your story, after all. You know it best, and only YOU can figure out how to get it written.

I hope that helps at least a little bit! Writing it never easy, but it should still be enjoyable!

[darcytaylor]

I have been following few blogs on the Luke - Nic situation, and yours is the only one with the take there was nothing between them. So Im very curious about your take. The issue that personally affects me here is that after living 30+ years in this world, we pick certain actions and behaviours as related to romance and attraction right, but now I feel gaslighted (not by you, but by Nic & Luke) as if my understanding about romantic attracti9j language has always been wrong (this also triggers my trauma because I was never sure about romantic attraction towards me and had spent hours and hours dissecting behaviours by those I thought were attracted to me).

However, I am unable to fit their behaviour and body language in this special bond framework. There were many genuine, natural which went PR. This is where Im confused and feel gaslighted. What are your thoughts on this?

So coming back to your theory about, its a special kind of co-worker relationship, I totally agree this is possible. When you do something you are passionate about thats life changing and meaningful with someone else you can develop a special bond. Probably something similar to the bond soldiers or medical profession share being in a traumatic environment with utmost trust in each other. In Nic & Luke's case unlike other leads they had 5 years to develop the friendship, understand the material and brainstorm between them. I can see how that would create a special bond especially when you have to be vulnerable and comfortable with each other in those intimate scenes.

However, I couldn't fit their behaviour and body language during the promo tour under this special bond framework. There were many moments of genuine connection between them which seemed to go beyond PR or platonic friendship. This is where I feel gaslighted. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think those moments were just friendship and nothing more?

I have never said that there was nothing between them (because at the end of the day I don't know what their relationship is). But I ultimately think that the actions shown don't necessarily scream "we are in a relationship". I say this from experience, I know the bond that co-works can have, and just because they smile at each other, touch each other, and are comfortable saying certain things, it doesn't make me conclude that they are together.

I also think that when I see their interviews, I am not looking for proof of a relationship between them. I think if you go into it with that mindset, that there has to be something more, you make yourself see it and then you will start to believe it. Maybe this is ultimately why you feel gaslit, and I am sorry that the whole situation had made you feel that way. It's an awful feeling to have for sure!

I do think that when actors do promo tours there will always be PR behind it. But just because it is PR doesn't make their interactions not genuine. It can be both all at the same time.

Also, even when people have co-worker relationships doesn't make loving interactions not genuine. I have stated a couple times in my responses to asks what I truly think of these types of relationships/friendships. And they have the ability to be intense! They have the ability to be more than a 'regular' relationship/friendship.

Here are things I have said in the past. It may help you better understand what I think a co-worker relationship can be like and why I think that their actions don't necessarily mean they are something more:

"I do think they mainly have a co-worker type relationship/friendship. But that's NOT saying they aren't close. It's me saying that it is a different type of relationship/friendship, because co-worker friendships do have the potential to be way more than a 'regular' friendship. (I'm also saying this from experience)"

"When you are at work, your co-works tend to see you more than your family and friends. They see you at your worst and at your best, and they have the potential to see the real you."

"I do believe that they are friends with a very close bond. After filming something like Bridgerton and going on the months long promo tour, there will be a bond between them for life, even if they don't hangout regularly after this. I think it is that bond that people are seeing that makes people believe otherwise."

"I have been working for many years, and I have insanely close relationships with coworkers. Coworkers understand a part of you that nobody ever will! And then to top that off with them having to do intimacy scenes, I can understand why they share a bond (that nobody will probably understand)."

[freakartack]

HOUSEKEEPING THINGS

1. MESSAGE TO OLD FOLLOWERS: so sorry that took so damn long. Normally i try not to treat this blog like a job but that was kind of ridiculous so i feel like an apology is in order. I fully overestimated just how much stuff i wanted to draw for this bit and i did not expect my blog to be held ransom by cartoon characters for two months but here we are. Thank you guys for being cool and patient about my hubris! I hope it was worth the wait. And if not, here is your money back. (placing imaginary money in your hand)

2. MESSAGE TO NEW FOLLOWERS: hi. Welcome to my blog! Thank you for taking an interest in my jokes. Because my blog has been held ransom by cartoon characters for two months i should probably emphasize that this is not an ask blog and is in fact just a regular blog, that happened to be held ransom by cartoon characters for two months. I do still draw wario comics though! A lot! So if you're into that, then you're in the right place.

3. THE ASKBOX SITUATION: So prior to mona stealing my login info this april you may have noticed that i shut down my askbox and turned off the lights. There was a couple reasons for that

3a. I accidentally got addicted to the internet

3b. I accidentally got so addicted to the internet that tumblr thought i was a premier hashtag super mario poster presumably solely based on the fact that i did not shut up for five days straight and so for several weeks it redirected every new person that said they liked mario to my blog and i thoguht they were all spam bots so i freaked it

4. WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW

4a. Freak it

4b. Just kidding

4c. WARIOWARE CAMPING!!! Currently I am in a tight spot Schedule wise however the next page is well on its way (had been put on pause due to april fools fiasco) and so it should be ready soon. If nothing else this experience has taught me how to pump out a fucking lot of comics so although i intend to make these drawings much higher in quality i will do my best to get the ball rolling!

4c. RANDO DRAWINGS: Also soemthing that I have to work on is not dropping off the face of the earth when I don't have a comic to post so I will be posting some fun little extras in between comics. I sometimes feel guilty when i do that cause i'm like "that doesn't count as a post" which is kind of dumb if you ask me. So i will be posting some art on my art blog going forward

4d. THE ASKBOX SITUATION: THE SQUEAKUEL: So you see my issue is I don't want to get addicted to the internet or overwhelmed or attacked by droves of spam bots and/or innocent civilians BUT i still want to have asks open because i like talking to you guys and i miss it. SO, i will compromise by opening my askbox on weekends, so that way i can have the best of both worlds. Maybe i will expand the ask window later on if i can behave myself but we'll see how it goes.

4e. FIXING MY BLOG THEME: Idk if i'm going to change it back to the pitcher plant pic but i do want to make it not be this. I might make a slightly updated theme that matches my content better so i might put a different warioware banner up there but idk i feel bad kicking out the plant. How are we feeling. The brave little toaster thing in my icon is staying no matter what though sorry.

5. OK THAT'S ALL BYE: Bye

[boxofbonesfic]

"why am i even bothering to write and post anything at all?"

"ngl that makes me not want to post anymore lmfao"

Because you have people reading???? Like tf? I'm not trying to be rude, but while you are lamenting over racist people not reading your work (as are other writers that I follow) don't forget about the people who do engage, read, comment, send ask, gently requesting updates to stories because writers get pissed off if updates are demanded, and champion your writing. Some of us actively searched for black writers and stories.

I understand wanting a lot of engagements, I do, but I'm starting to feel shafted as a reader who is doing all the things these writers ask for and yet read these posts in which the writers threatened to quit writing fics because there's only 100 notes. Have you looked through the notes? Do you not see familiar usernames over and over again? So it's not many of us, and that is truly unfortunate, but the group is loyal. Stray words and so many others have already left.

Just like you're feeling unappreciated as a writer, I'm feeling unappreciated as a reader because yall (poc writers) essentially tell me there is nothing more that I can do to make you feel wanted enough to stay.

I'm sorry you feel like this, but the reality is that we're black. Whether in real life or digital, this is how the world treats us. We will have to work harder for less. It shouldn't be like this, but life aint been fair to us for centuries now. I do what you ask, so I ask that you focus on the small group of us that follow your writing through.

…i’m sorry that people sending me racist asks effects me? i’m human, too? i’m a person too? like i’m not made of stone, people being cruel to me does hurt me, it does leave lasting effects on my mental health? i didn’t threaten to quit writing, i talked about how that ask, combined with my ever decreasing engagement made me feel.

of course i look through my notes. conversely, do you see me responding to comments? asks? i’ve posted several times now about trying to commit to a more regular update schedule, about finishing my outstanding work. have you not seen any of that? i’m not leaving, but am i not allowed to speak on my experience? i’ve been back a week, and i’m already getting racist anons.

chastising me for being human and feeling a way when people are cruel to me is not how you get consistent updates, nor is it how you encourage me to stick it out. just because that’s the reality doesn’t make it right, and it doesn’t make it easier as a black content creator. i’m trying to be here, to update consistently, to be the change i want to see, but it is fucking hard, it is painful, and i’m sorry that you don’t like hearing that. feel free to follow my library blog to avoid it, i only reblog updates and new work there.

we have a saying in Jamaica: “pressure bust pipe”. i’m sorry black authors have been dropping like flies, but we are people. how much are we supposed to take without saying anything? i really don’t know what else to say other than that i’m trying.

sorry.

[tombfreak]

Hi! I'd like to ask some questions about AsPD, as someone whose knowledge about it is limited to tumblr blogs, internet searches, and the DSM-5 criteria for it. The questions may come across as ignorant, but I do really want to understand it more and get educated ^^;

1. Your previous post about AsPD mentioned how a lot of people with AsPD experience guilt/remorse. Is this remorse the same as other people or different? Is it like, "I feel bad that my actions hurt somebody."?

2. I don't know how else to word this, but what kinds of emotions do you (and others with AsPD) experience...? Because there's posts saying that anger is possible, but they don't really mention happiness. Maybe I'm confusing the empathy part and emotions part together.

3. AsPD is about self-preservation, from my understanding, and I see different people talk about how they see others as property they have to take care of, or something that benefits them. So, I'm curious how "real" connections start to form between a regular person and someone with AsPD. How does a father with AsPD take care of his daughter, like what does he think and feel about it? Or how do you recognize that you're falling in love/fell in love?

I apologize again if these end up coming across as ignorant. Thank you again!

Hey thanks for the ask, I've been very preoccupied with other stuff so my bad for not getting around to this until now. Also never apologize for wanting to learn, there's absolutely no shame in ignorance of theres the intention of learning alongside it.

To answer your questions, (under the cut cuz its long):

1. Remorse/guilt in ASPD is another complex part of the disorder. Only 49% of people with ASPD do have remorse, and their experiences with will be completely dependent on the individual person. Most commonly, they will have their own type of remorse thats different than the non-antisocial remorse. It may be more associated with shame of getting caught, a fear of losing something that they value, or not wanting to be seen as a bad person, rather than genuinely feeling bad for causing others harm. Its most likely to stem from self-preservation and selfish desires rather than caring for the other person. But there is a possibility that someone with ASPD can experience genuine, prosocial, caring remorse and guilt for the harm they cause if the other criteria is met regardless of the presence of their guilt. There is a quote I like that goes "My guilt does not purify me". Antisocial behaviour is still antisocial behaviour even if you feel guilty about it.

To put it into perspective, I don't experience the 'normal' type of remorse for my actions. I rarely ever truly feel bad, or care. I feel bad for my friends if someone else hurt them, or if they're having a bad day because of something outside if my control, I'll care because I'm protective. But if they get hurt over something I did, no matter how close we are, I wont feel any remorse. I will only feel upset that they were being sensitive, or didn't see it from my side, or took things too seriously. Most of the time I will try to diffuse the situation and get things back to normal, but I absolutely hate apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so I either lie or beat around the bush.

2. Someone with ASPD can feel all the emotions someone without it can. It's a very common misunderstanding that we are cold, emotionless robots, because this stems from the Hollywood Psychopath trope. It is a common experience for people with ASPD, especially more extreme presentations, to not be able to understand the emotions they feel, and they do not feel comfortable with letting themselves feel things, or express it, which may come across as them not having any feelings. They may have been raised in an unstable environment where showing emotion was punishable or seen as weak. But some people with ASPD are completely capable of expressing, feeling, and understanding their emotions, especially further down the line in recovery.

Anger is a very common feeling that people with ASPD experience. The presence of this anger is seen in the DSM-5 criterion of "irritability and aggressiveness". But we are also able to feel happiness and sadness. A lot of the time, the emotions will be connected with the reward system in the brain, such as being happy that they got what they wanted, or disappointed that they wasted their time or things didn't go their way. ASPD has a lot of selfishness connected with it, as seen in the lack of care for others, "me vs the world" mindsets, and disregard for norms and boundaries. But we are still people, and a good amount of people with ASPD are able to just feel happy, sad, etc as any other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel for someone else, especially in terms of feeling sad/caring/bothered if someone else is sad. Lacking empathy is not a criteria for ASPD, but a lot of people with ASPD do lack empathy. There is also a common misconception that people with ASPD don't feel fear, which isn't true at all. Instead, they might act like they aren't scared to maintain an image of being untouchable, or their recklessness might get in the way of their ability to care if something is dangerous.

For me personally, I feel a very wide range of emotions from happiness, excitement, sadness, fear, worry, anger, disappointment, etc. Mostly, though, I am in a pretty neutral state and I try not to let myself feel my negative emotions for very long. I don't like to dwell on things as it feels like that gives it power over me, so I try to brush things off quickly if they make me upset in any way. If something is important to me though, I don't mind letting my feelings towards it stick around, because I view it as me still being in control, because I have the right to be upset. It's a bit nonsensical and doesn't really have the best logical behind it, but thats my experience with my emotions personally. It's different for everyone.

3. This is another one of those things where it completely depends on the person. ASPD is a social disorder, so interpersonal relationships are bound to have a strain on them. A lot of people with ASPD struggle to keep people around because people struggle to keep up with their antisocial behaviours. Having social dominance and respect is an important thing for a lot of people with ASPD if they want to have a foundation to build relationships on. They may need to feel like they're in control, or take a lot of time to develop trust with people enough to feel like they don't have to burn the bridge at the slightest hint of disrespect. For a parent with ASPD, they may view their child as an extension of themselves, or something to control and have power over, or something they need to protect, like a prized possession.

For me personally, I'm huge on respect and loyalty. If someone shows me they can give me a space where I don't have to feel like I have something to prove, or that I can let my guard down a bit, then I'll let myself form a friendship with them. I need some sort of leverage on a person before I can really let myself be friends with them though, so that if they fuck me over in any way then I'll be able to flip the power dynamic and settle the score. But I value what my friends offer me, which gives me room to value them as people instead of just viewing them as some TV character or tool to benefit me, and I am very loyal and protective towards my good friends.

I have had many relationships and friendships in the past that were entirely just for my own personal entertainment. I never understood why people would stay friends with someone who inconvenienced them in any way. For me, the moment someone stopped giving me what I wanted, or if there was the slightest hint of disrespect, I would burn that bridge and it would usually end very messily. (I have spent the past months working hard to overcome the mindset of viewing people on a scale of if they're worth my time or not, because I think its our job as human beings to love each other without stopping to wonder if they're worth it.)

My girlfriend on the otherhand though is my "exception person", my prized possession but humanized in my mind. She is the most important person in my life, and I care for her in ways I'm not able to with anyone else, not even myself. I let her into my life because she was the one person who never judged me, or treated me like a bad person or a problem. She always offered me a space to make mistakes, and still gave me support regardless, and was always there for me to lean back on. I realized I loved her because whenever our relationship got rocky and we broke up, it hurt. I've always been the type to cut someone off for the smallest thing without batting an eye, but I was stubborn with my girlfriend and desperately did not want to lose her. I used to write her letters and shit trying to express my feelings that I never sent her 💀.

She's the only person I really listen to because she's proven to me time and time again that I can trust her judgment. Over the four years we've been together, she has proven to me that she is dependable, loyal, and that she has my back no matter what. That is a type of person I cherish and care to keep around. All of the people in my life that I value are ones that have proven to me they're worth my time and effort and that I can count on them to be loyal ride or dies.

Hope this answered your questions there and cleared some things up :] It's important to remember how complex ASPD is and how different it can present in different people. One persons experience wont apply to every single person with ASPD, and even with common experiences there are outliers to acknowledge as well

[the-monarch-effect-official]

Hello, everyone, I have a some thoughts and questions for those who have been through RAMCOA, more towards Monarch-type experiences, but anyone who has gone through similar experiences will help me understand more.

Last week, I went to the mall with my family, it was a neat time, but I went into a store (Miss A, an ultra-cheap cosmetics store) with a checkerboard floor as our last stop. Now, if I wasn't developing a book around the subject, I wouldn't have paid any mind to it. But, as we were leaving, innocent things, like the playground being decorated with a fox and a rabbit had a dark hue (context: for my project specially, rabbits and wolves are prevalent in Samuel's life, both in system and events).

Watching movies is tricky now. All the time, you hear about celebrities and politicians being part of "The Illuminati" and such, with many of the conspiracy theorists having flat-earther levels of "out there." They speak some truth, but they are stereotypically way off. But, once you see the sings for the first time (like checks), it's impossible to not see it. As an artist, I only wonder, "We creatives have all this talent and drive, but to use it for this?"

I know not everyone in the industry knows all the signs and symbols, but I've learned that you can make anything mean anything under the right context. For example, some of Samuel's alters stay away from a Wolfsangle, while others are drawn to it, as they mean different things to different alters. (Wolves, keep away; humans, come fourth.)

I also had a dream a while back about a group of sisters who seemed to be well-off, with a mansion and outdoor garden. However, they didn't know that they were victims of "Monarch," to simply the terms. "I thought I was just normal," one said.

This situation is similar to that of the testimony of a woman who had gone through what you may know as Satanic Abuse, which, for those who are unaware, is not necessarily ritual abuse, but can be if it's done ritually (on a holiday like Halloween or Christmas, for example). She had gone to a sleepover (like a "normal" teen) and someone had microwaved some leftover pizza, which reminded her of the smell of death, which is a very distinct smell that I have had the fortune of not knowing. However, she did not know why it smelled in such a way until she recovered those memories.

So, my question sort of boils down to this: before realizing that you were a system, or recovered any significant memories of abuse, would you have considered your life "normal?" Do or did you have an alter/part that had a very different "normal?" I have heard that, with DID proper (with amnesia), some alters have very different lives. Though I have parts myself, I don’t black out on a regular basis and I suppose it wasn't necessary.

Another topic of curiosity that's been on my mind, probably since the start of this journey, was how one relates to art and entertainment (movies, music, TV, video games, ect) when such things are used as anchors to programs. For example, the Wizard of Oz movie is considered a household movie for its introduction to technicolor, but is also one of the hallmarks of Monarch Programming. I have been told that Pokémon Emerald had been used or tied to this, which saddens me as a fan of the series, especially of the Hoenn region where Emerald is set (one of my other blogs is an oc fan thing, it's very dear to me). I think, to keep it succinct, my question is: if someone were to watch The Wizard of Oz or a similar movie, could they possibly get to a point where they could watch it all the way through and form an opinion on it despite the trauma?

I ask this because I am an artist who likes movies, games, TV shows, etc. However, I also want to be mindful of what I create. My current storyline with The Monarch Effect isn't as overt with the common symbolism, but the concepts are still there (my current question is whether Samuel's family are actually Nazis or is Aryanism a better descriptor of their beliefs, and how that follows). I've even found a Nazi-era red riding hood film that employs a similar black & white to color and back technique before The Wizard of Oz did, though not as impressive. The Little Red Ridinghood story, as well as plenty of other German tales are stand-ins for the more commonplace stories used in programming scripts.

I'll end it here before I veer off topic, so I hope that

[autumnslance]

Search, Tags, and Tumblr

Tumblr's search functions are notoriously weird, but there's a few common things to know about how it works in conjunction with Tagging. First things first:

-Tags are for searching but also personal blog organization as desired. This is why some folks have weird/funny personal use tags. Tags can use dashes and spaces, but not regular double quote marks ("), though single marks are fine (').

-Tag for what's in the post; adding other, unrelated tags "for visibility" is against Tumblr's TOS and gets you reported for Spam!

Example: if you make a post for your new Clive Rosfield screenshots, make sure you're only tagging terms relevant to Final Fantasy XVI and Clive Rosfield (and any personal organizing tags like "screenshots"); don't add tags like "Star Wars" and "SpongeBob", as Clive has nothing to do with those!

-Tag without censoring words! We use filters/blacklists here to avoid things we don't want to see. Can also work for words in the body of a post. There's no rules here against using "kill" or "death" or other terms defining common human experiences determined "too negative/dangerous" on other sites (stay civil to each other).

-If you do alt-spell things, it's only in the body of a post and usually when it's dislike of a fandom thing as a courtesy to those enjoyers. If I make a shipping post and say, for example, "I can't stand R3y|o", that's when I want to use weird spelling and symbols--and no common tags for that fandom! If you do use tags for organizing, keep it to things like "#anti (thing) or "#(thing) critical", again spelled correctly for others' blacklisting purposes and to keep it out of the Reylo Search and Tags so those fans can enjoy their ship without seeing negativity. Because...

-General Search pulls from Tags and Also terms found in the body of a post. If I just put "Thancred" in the Search bar at the top of the page, it'll show me any and all posts with "Thancred" in them, including 1) if the name is in the body of the post, 2) if the name is in a tag that's a sentence/includes other words, and 3) even if not tagged for Thancred.

This caused some wank a couple years back for certain fans when someone tagged a lascivious picture set with what they knew was a triggery NOTP for many...but they also put the characters' names in the post body, not realizing simply searching for either of those characters would pull it up (They also, IMO, should have put the images under a Read More to be doubly safe, for themselves and for others they knew might be upset stumbling onto said images, but the crux was not realizing how Tumblr Search worked).

-Tag Search specifically pulls from the tags; per Tumblr's info pages, the first 20 tags (out of 30 total allowed) now will show up in search. Common, consistent tags first are good for visibility. You can also Follow tags you want to keep track of; there's even a tab on your Dash for it.

-Reblogs do not show up in the searches, even with additions and new notes. However, a blacklist filter will catch tags put on the original post, even if the reblogger doesn't add it when it ends up on your Dash.

-You can also blacklist blog names/URLs. Think of it like Twitter's muting rather than a full block (though one can do that too, and should as needed).

Example: someone following Seanan McGuire doesn't like frogs, but she reblogs a lot of frogs. The follower blocked and blacklisted the blogs she often reblogs frogs from to minimize the number of frogs they see while still following a favorite author for her book info.

-If people ask you to tag a thing cuz it's a squick or full-on trigger, you can just do it, or you can politely say no; that's valid. It's up to that person then to decide if they want to blacklist or unfollow or block or what. Just be civil either and both ways.

In summary: if you're talking about bunnies cuz you took pictures at the local farm show, just write "bunnies" normally in the body and/or tags of the post, so anyone with "bunnies" blacklisted can avoid it--and folks who want to see cute pics of bunnies can find it!

Even if you use proper tags, or no tags, or only use alternate spellings in the post body to keep things out of the tags/searches, consider still using a Read More as a last line of courtesy to any followers or random folks you don't want to catch in the crossfire. Also consider hiding your blog from Search results, and/or Private posts.

Tumblr's Help Center (On Desktop browser, go to the "About" link, and then the "Resources" menu; on Mobile App, go to Account settings, General settings, scroll down to "Help" under "Account") has further info about Searches and Tagging (and everything else!), and as that info changes, it's a good idea to keep track of those page updates, as well as the @changes blog to keep track of new updates, bugs, recent fixes, and upcoming info.

[goodluckclove]

Edgar Blog Takeover Sneak Peek!

Now Playing: Crosseyed and Painless - Talking Heads

For some reason I still think it's a good idea to try and make the recipes I come up with in my dreams. It's not like I have them all the time, but for some reason every time Katy takes me drinking I end up having crazy dreams where I end up making some kind of new meal.

This time it was onion ring nachos, and when I made them in my dream they made a lot of sense, right? I wasn't even surprised by myself in my dream. I was just like "yeah, hey, time to make onion ring nachos like I do all the time". So on a subconscious level I must have found it a viable idea. And then when I woke up I was - well, hungover. Very hungover. We tried to make picklebacks without a recipe so I think I was drunk off Jameson and just...brine. Ugh.

But through the headache I also didn't really think it was a bad idea, you know? People make chili cheese fries. That already exists, I didn't make that up. And I had just gone grocery shopping with Katy so she had actual food in her apartment - plus she had an air fryer. I wish I had an air fryer. I'm the only one that uses her air fryer. I wonder if she'd notice if I stole her air fryer.

Anyways, the recipe seemed simple. Just regular oven nachos with a basic canned chili sauce (I'm not about to, like, brown ground beef. Pull out the cumin? From where? I brought sea salt flakes to Katy's place once when I was making dinner and she acted like I pulled out a dish of caviar. And she wonders why I ask her in advance if she has butter), only you substitute onion rings for tortilla chips.

Cook the onion rings before hand, at least ten minutes longer than what the directions on the bag say because the directions on the bag are wrong most of the time. Then heat up the chili and drizzle it with shredded cheese and whatever toppings you can find in your trash-eating best friend's kitchen. Katy has maybe six different hot sauces, which is totally not excessive for someone who can't remember to keep bread stocked in their place.

When I plated it it seemed real. That's stupid. You know what I mean - it seemed like a meal. I even arranged the onion rings so they were more overlapping to allow a better distribution of chili. I sort of figured this was a fork meal, because even if you char the rings when you broil them with the chili they'll moisten and gain an uneven weight that doesn't make them great for picking up by hand. Other than that, I could see some bullshit food truck selling something like this for too much money.

Eating it was not great. I think the first thing I realized when I ate it was the importance of tortilla chips as a concept. Those motherfuckers are sturdy, with a surface area that actually allows the nacho to exist as a proper experience. Taste wise it was pretty good, slightly sweet from the cooked onion, salty and savory from the chili and hot sauces. But fuck it, I'll say it - the texture was bad. You shouldn't eat a food and only process the taste. I might as well have had it as a drink, it was unnerving.

It would work better if I just dipped the onion rings in the chili, and now I'm upset that I didn't just do that. So stupid.

Katy liked it. I ate about a third of the serving before it started depressing me, but then when I came back after taking a shower she'd taken the plate back to her daybed in the living room and was just sort of...eating seems like the wrong way to put it. Absorbing, maybe. Slurping? Whatever she was doing it was very slug-like and I think she was still probably kind of drunk.

Anyway dreams are dumb and tortilla chips are important. There's your lesson for the day.

[after-witch]

Okay, hold on because this?

You’re spitting nothing but facts. I’ve said this exact same thing on both of my previous blogs (not this one, not yet xmdkxkdnd) about how x reader just was not a thing in Ye Fandom of Olde. I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape. There are certain aspects of it that I miss for sure and others I’m glad to leave in the past.

The completely random conversations between the author and the character(s) among them, GOD, the way that still activates every single one of my cringe reflexes. 😂 Actually my all time favorite fic had those for the first dozen or so chapters, but she thankfully left them in the fore and afterword, not haphazardly placed in the fic itself, so it was easy to ignore haha. I can laugh at it and maybe even look back at it fondly, but I don’t think I want that particular trend to make a comeback any time soon xmxmdnd

It’s kind of surreal in a way, finding someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about and sharing that mutual experience. I know there have to be more of us out there but I feel like a good chunk of them have probably moved on from anime fandom content so I’m very glad to have found you like this. 💕

I unfortunately got busy with one of my own projects yesterday and didn’t get a chance to read anymore of your stuff, but I’m really looking forward to diving in once I’m done. When I tell you I am 👀 eyeballing the hell out of your Sesshomaru fics cmdkxmdmd

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho? 🥹

"I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape."

We can both be crones, in that case! But no, I completely get what you're saying. It was SO different. I am genuinely appreciative of the fact that "reader fic" is so popular and the distaste I see for it is mainly "it's clogging up the regular tags" rather than the absolute nastiness that used to be associated with any OCs or inkling of "hey I like these characters, wouldn't it be neat if they wanted me?"

OCs in general were considered taboo enough, but reader fic was just… not a "thing" back in the early 2000s, really, not in the style we know it today. When second person was used, it was usaully meant to be stylized (rather than today where the intent of second person is "reader fic," to pull the reader into the story in a different, visceral way) and second person fics would fall into the OC bucket.

Gosh on that note, I remember "Mary Sue Hunter" groups that would find any OCs on ye olde fanfiction.net and leave reviews with forms to determine how much of a "Mary Sue" someone's OC was.

If you were going to attempt an OC, it felt like you had to make them Super Super Boring and Normal and Ordinary and No Actual Characters Ever Fell in Love with Them (except maybe non-important side characters) in order to get people to leave you alone.

Not that there's anything wrong with writing characters who are ordinary but it rarely felt it was an organic decision from the authors, but rather a reflection of what was "okay" to write.

Fandom is so different now. As you said, there's some things I miss ("don't like, don't read" and "you're responsible for what you read" being the standard etiquette, for one...) but plenty that I don't, too.

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho?

Yessss. I love it. I have so many discarded OCs from my teenage years from YYH, they were all ridiculously self-indulgent ofc. I do want to at some point write a few yandere YYH characters, but I haven't gotten any inspiration for it yet.

[whimsikoi]

🌱Hello all & welcome back to my bog!🌱

I'm Marlow (@palustrine)! I am a queer poc diviner who has been working with their craft for about 8 years almost now. Already really loved rocks growing up and frequented the local crystals store (a chain here in the UK at least) as well as being partial to garden potion making as a child! Combined with discovering the hit game Persona 4 Golden, these threw me into a magical world I never knew was possible before!! Plus many many decks... 💫

My first tarot deck was a mini Rider Waite that I bought secretly and used to practice. Eventually, I gifted this to an ex but it provided me an invaluable experience that has peaked my curiosity since. I now have a lovely little family full of different personalities, uses and more that I adore with my heart in this life past and future. Will share them with you all over time 🌿

I'd now like to offer my services to you lovelies if you feel you may need guidance at any stage of your life. Prefacing from the get go, I do not provide readings regarding relationships (romantic or not) as I do not want to involve someone without their consent in the process. My goal is to provide advice whilst giving you the encourage and tools you may need to invoke this into your life. Whether this may be a simple chat, spell, sigil etc. It will be tailored to you. 🌙

Feel free to contact me if this is something you are interested me so we can discuss details. I operate on a sliding scale currently with an regular price for each of my offerings. 🍃

Community simple readings shall hopefully be making a return here on the blog too! Look out for posts welcoming asks to recieve a 1-2 card reading or opt for a "pick a card" style instead. 🌠

[terror-punk]

Hey there! Your blog is extremely inspiring and we've been thinking of trying to express ourselves in the external world more. The problem is one of us' expression would be incredibly physically damaging to both the body and outside. I get sudden violent urges and want to tear things down, scream, kick things over, yell at people that I'm not really the person theyve known. This would be a true expression but it dosent feel like the way to go. At the same time, we have tried other ways to express like art, exercise, etc, but the urge is still there. Sometimes it even gets worse. In the past we directed our anger to the body rather than outward so it feels like it's about to burst. Part of why I'm so fucking angry is because I've never fronted before, not like this, I wasn't allowed to but am able to now after a lot of work and everything feels alien and I dont know how to exist here in the external world. I just feel like I want to do what ive been doing back in my own world, but in the external one, which I think is kind of stupid because why would I want to replicate something Im already doing except its not even possible to replicate due to physics... and other stuff. Do you have any thoughts on what to do about this, or just...thoughts about it? I would appreciate any thoughts. Also, thank you for the blog. It means a lot to us. -T and T

Hey, thanks for the ask anon. Your situation is really relatable, honestly. I'm a fictive and persecutor with a LOT of violent urges from my memories--and god they're hard to deal with sometimes. I wouldn't ever harm anyone realistically but it gets hard to mentally manage. I've gotten much better over time and with the right support from friends, but it took a while. I took a bit to get to this ask (sorry), so I hope you're doing a little better with managing it now.

I know you mentioned exercise doesn't work, but have you tried working out, maybe? Not just regular exercise, I mean go to the gym and really go at it. Full force. Beat the hell out of a punching bag, maybe? If you invest in one for your own home, you could even customise it in a way that makes it more relieving to hit, somehow?

Being able to scream via music writing could also help. You don't even have to be good at it, and it could be a better form of artistic expression than traditional art if you haven't tried it before.

Another way might be to, if possible, get friends you may already have to 1. know about you, and 2. know how to react if you do have an outburst. Maybe having people who get it will help you feel less violent, but even if not--maybe you can find people who can handle the yelling as just a part of you? You'd need to thoroughly discuss boundaries and such, but it could work if you're in the right situation.

I'm not sure what else to suggest right this moment, but if anyone else wants to add on, feel free. Good luck with finding a solution, and remember you're not alone in this experience.

[wastedawayagaininmargaritaville]

I'm just curious, so please don't mind me asking.. why interest in the Green Party? I'm trying to better understand this viewpoint as I've voted democratic in the last 2 elections. I was always told a third party vote wasn't a sure thing.

Thanks for your reply!

Hi! First I don’t mind you asking and I’m sorry if the way I post makes it seem like I’d jump down your throat for a question like this. I use my blog to blow off a lot more steam than I used to but it’s not how I want to approach things in general.

I should mention I’m registered to vote in MO, the last time the dem presidential nominee won was the 90s I believe (McCain won very narrowly over Obama in 2008) and we are a winner take all state. As long as the electoral college exists, I’m “throwing away my vote” unless I vote for the republican nom. The blue cities scattered across the midline of the state don’t have enough weight (at least not in my lifetime they haven’t)

If you mean “wasn’t a sure thing” as in it has been a successful way to elect someone who isn’t one of the two parties, yeah I’d say that’s an understatement. I have little faith in a third party running in our electoral process and actually gaining enough momentum and support to win. People talk all the time about how gen Z is one of the largest and most politically engaged generationsin a while, but we don’t have the electoral organizing experience (nor desire tbh, at least for me and lots of people I know) and certainly not the resources.

The only sort of caveat I guess would be a dem taking on the Green Party nom as their VP, but that requires sacrificing most of what is typically on the Green Party platform and I would consider them compromised anyway.

The pipeline post was what I have done and I was wondering how common it is for people in my general demographic (young adult, raised liberal and middle class) who were brought up being taught the Democrat Party is a beacon of progress and the only thing regular people have to fight for the rights we want for ourselves and the people in our communities is to vote for them once every 4 years.

Then…

To be served the Clinton dynasty for our first chance to vote as 18 year olds, become totally disillusioned by the 2016 election (I was too young to remember the 2000 election), becoming radicalized and opened up to the world throughout late teens/early 20s by going away to school or simply meeting more people and viewpoints that aren’t from your parents/family/immediate community, living through and beginning to organize during the 2020 uprising, feeling a slight pull back into the dem party by Sanders and then seeing how the establishment pushed him out, and then saying fuck it my (albeit still shaky and developing) principles won’t allow me to hold my nose and vote again but I guess I like the green party’s platform. That’s honestly as much thought as I put into voting for the Green Party in 2020, i googled their platform and said ok this sounds nice, I won’t entirely feel gross with myself throwing my hat in with people who want to enact this. Reading that back feels very silly and simply an act of wishful thinking. But I couldn’t bring myself to vote for the champion of segregation and the crime bill after what I learned and witnessed in the streets in 2020.

Now we’ve seen what the democrats can and will do for us (very little) and importantly to the world (destruction, extraction, destabilization) I know too much now to delude myself into thinking these parties are functionally different from each other. I know too many people impacted by BOTH party’s policies to throw them under the bus. I understand more clearly what it means to be a citizen of the United States and what it means to vote in a country with so much influence and presence in other countries that I’m basically casting a vote on behalf of those people too.

But again, it doesn’t matter who I vote for where I live. If I was in a swing state I’d maybe be slightly more engaged with the electoral discourse but I don’t have a dog in the fight.

Hope this answers your question or at least gives you some stuff to think about. I didn’t wake up one day after being raised by Obama-loving liberal white people for most of my life saying “fuck the democrats and fuck voting!” It took time, experience, and pushing myself outside of the ideas that comfort me into denying my (and your) agency and power. We can accomplish so so much more life saving and politically altering work expending our energy the other 1,460 days of the election cycle than any candidate or electoral system in the US will grant us.

[twilightmalachite]

2×2 - Prologue 2

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuuta, Hinata, Nagisa, Shinobu

Translator: Mika Enstars

"My little brother’s acting like he’s a troublesome girlfriend who keeps your hands tied…"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: 2×2 Program Set

Yuuta: (Come on, Aniki, stop slacking off and act like a host.)

Hinata: (Right… Then, umm, I was going to introduce one of our “friends”.)

“—I bet everyone will be surprised at my guest, no, my “friend” this time around! I’m sure even Yuuta-kun will be impressed by the connections his Onii-chan has!”

Yuuta: Enough with your nonsense, just get on with it.

Hinata: Uu. …*whispering* Alright~, you’re good to come on up.

Yuuta: (Hmm~? 2×2 progresses somewhat comedically, as to surprise us each time, so we’re usually not told who the guests will be… Who could it be this time?)

Yuuta: (Well, this is Aniki, so it’s prooobably another kind senior of Yumenosaki—)

Nagisa: “—Restrain yourself, ignorant fools.”

“‘Tis I, God.”

Yuuta: (God has descendeeeddd!!??)

(Whaa, so Aniki praying earlier was foreshadowing?)

*whispering* R-Ran-senpai? I seriously didn’t expect that, is it really okay for a top idol of CosPro to be appearing in such a playful variety show?

Nagisa: …Yes. Ibara appeared to be busy with something about GFK’s inheritance, so I had a bit of free time.

…And without Ibara, it wouldn’t look good if I performed alongside Eve without him.

Hinata: Yup. Ran-senpai was having a cup of tea or something in the office, so I decided to just go for it and approach him, and got the OK for him to appear on our show!

Yuuta: You’re gutsy, Aniki… To me, Ran-senpai has quite the unapproachable aura.

Nagisa: …Fufu. I’ll give it the best I’ve got.

…Though I don’t really know what exactly this 2×2 is like.

Hinata: It’s a program that’s only just begun~!

This time, it’s through another agency—, in other words, through another producer, so there’s no ties to CosPro at all.

Nagisa: …Right. Ibara’s been sulking about for a long time now, frustrated that someone had taken 2wink from him.

…Or rather, that’s how it looks to me as to why Ibara’s been in a bad mood. Or no, perhaps it’s more because of GFK’s inheritance.

Hinata: Ah~, been grumpy lately, huh, Vice Prez?

Nagisa: …Yeah. So, since I don’t have Ibara’s help this time, I don’t have any script, so I’ve been going with my “God Mode” that I’m familiar with.

…Sorry if that doesn’t fit the atmosphere of the program somehow.

Hinata: It’s all good. If anything, I’m sure your old fans and such will be happy to see a revival of your old look, even if only temporarily.

You too, Yuuta-kun, maybe if you cut your hair back to match me, you’ll make your old fans happy too! ♪

Yuuta: *ignores* “—Now that was a surprise guest, but how about I introduce you to my “friend”, too?”

Hinata: “O-Ooh~? I wonder who it could be!”

…Well, I can make a good guess.

Yuuta: “This time around, the “friend” I’ve brought isss—”

“His charm point is his hidden eye! The last surviving ninja of modern times! RYUSEITAI’s Sengoku Shinobu~! Wow, *clapclapclapclap* ☆”

Shinobu: ……

Hinata: ……

Yuuta: ….What? What’s with the silence? You have something to complain about?

Hinata: Yuuta-kun, you invite Shinobu-kun as a guest too much.

Or rather, the only person you’ve called so far has been Shinobu-kun. He’s not supposed to be a regular, yet he’s got perfect attendance.

Shinobu: Yuuta-kun, do you not have any other friends than I, de gozaru…?

Yuuta: Nope. That’s not allowed. 2×2 is our program, so you follow our instructions while on the show.

Shinobu: You’re too tyrannical…

Yuuta: What? If you don’t like it, just go home then? I only have Shinobu-kun, but Shinobu-kun has many people that need him, doesn’t he?

You have no obligation or duty to force yourself to do your very best for me, don’t you?

Oh, right, but that’d mean you were lying when you said you liked me and that we were friends, wouldn’t it?

Yuuta: Right? If you can’t do what I ask of you, it means you hate me, huh? Right, and that Shinobu-kun was a liar?

Hweeh, sob sob… I’ve been toyed with by a bad man~, poor me.

Hinata: My little brother’s acting like he’s a troublesome girlfriend who keeps your hands tied…

Shinobu: I feel like I’ve stepped on a huge landmine of his, de gozaru…

Nagisa: …Hm. I’m not familiar with this program at all, but have you appeared on this 2×2 often, Shinobu-kun?

Shinobu: Ah, yes. Unfortunately… While Hinata-kun’s partner has changed every time…

For some reason, Yuuta-kun always chooses his partner to be me (sessha).

Yuuta: ……

Shinobu: Eek? Ah, umm, “me” (boku)! I’m the type of person who doesn’t use “sessha”![1]

Yuuta: Yup ♪ I’m glad you realized your mistake…♪

Shinobu: Scary, so scary…

Yuuta: …To get back on topic, there’s no problem, right? There’s no rule that says we gotta invite a different guest each time, yeah?

Hinata: Maybe not the program, but… The burden it puts on Shinobu-kun is tremendous.

Shinobu: Ah, I’m not as troubled as you make it sound.

Truthfully, if I really don’t like it, I’ll just refuse to appear, de goza—Ah, I mean, right? And, I get to enjoy all the variety of experiences I get to have each time?

Yuuta: Saved just in time? Nah, I can’t go easy on you, so that’s two strikes, ‘kay? ♪

Shinobu: You’ve been way too scary for a while now, Yuuta-kun!

What happens at three strikes!? A change?! Am I gonna end up being changed from a living person into a corpse~!?

Yuuta: I’d never do something so terrible to you, Shinobu-kun~, you’re my friend! ♪

Shinobu: The feelings loaded in the word “friend” here are too heavy…

Hinata: I’m kinda sorry~… Recently, my little brother’s been turning into a mysterious life form even his Onii-chan can’t understand.

Yuuta: …Isn’t the reason you don’t understand me because you’re not trying to understand me?

Hinata: Hm? What do you mean? Your Onii-chan’s always thinking about Yuuta-kun and trying to understand him, though!

Yuuta: Hmph. If you ask me, I’d say you’re far more—

…Well, whatever. I don’t have time to waste beating a dead horse, so I’ll just move on~.

Hinata: ‘Kay ‘ka~y. Let’s do our job perfectly, just as “we” always do.

“—Now, let’s have fun playing around today, too!”

Yuuta: “Let’s all get along and find the answer to 2×2!”

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory | next →

Shinobu stops using his signature “sessha” pronoun and uses “boku” going forward starting here.

[vacantgodling]

💧 rain for the weather asks babey fuck me up

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

OHOOOOO we have so many contenders because i love writing sad shit—i got so many you could probably ask me this question several times and get a different answer LMAO. but honest to god i think sword of a great hero is my most painful excerpt because it’s just… the calm before the storm. lath and ensio both know they’re gonna die. and just UGHHHH.

since it seems that in haven’t posted this excerpt on this version of my blog have it in its entirety here and cry :)

##

“This will be our final stand.” Lath touched a hand to his chest. He could feel the sluggish bleeding from under the gash in his armor that lead to the gaping wound in his upper abdomen, just underneath his ribcage. There was no one to heal him now — hadn’t had anything like that since they started this death march — at this point his nerves were beyond the point of registering pain. The others who’d joined him were long dead now: either picked off or mauled, died with a fight gnashing in their teeth, or a whimper absolving from their throat. Only two of them from the initial 33 warriors remained, and somehow Lath always knew it would come to this.

Ensio stood astride him, his regal bow broken and long forgotten. Lath had given him his second sword to wield in its stead, and the grip was slightly off, and the blade shorter than he remembered Ensio liked, but it would do. Neither of them fought with the expectation to live. In the clearing where they stood, a large, curled structure rose, towering to almost the heavens above them and was teeming with magic so strong that Lath could practically smell it. The Labyrinth. The voice of Their Lady MUINENS boomed from the heavens. As your final stand, you will drive them to their dungeon.

“Aye.” Ensio’s usual baritone was a rough wheeze. If they’d had time to rest, to heal, Lath would’ve guessed it was a punctured lung. He’d taken a claw to the sternum hard in a battle days before, and had been wheezing since. Lath could not offer him any comforting hand… Ensio wouldn’t have wanted it either. But the two men stood beside one another, waiting for their cue

“What do you suppose Cerullius is like?” Ensio garnered to ask. Though he’d assured Lath it was fine that the grip was off — better him, the regular sword wielder, have the better blade after all — he was still fidgeting with his grip, whirling it between his fingers, like the drills they ran together as boys. “Do you think it’d be as warm and comforting as a fine pair of tits?”

“Even on your deathbed, you’re a lech.” Lath’s golden eyes scanned the horizon. It seemed fitting that they would die on the brink of a beautiful morning. That the land here was so wholly unfamiliar but was beautiful somehow. There were no trees or swamps or lakes around— only a large expanse of grassland and short, wiley flowers that had the audacity to bloom. If Lath were a more poetic man, he would pity them. Soon they would be covered with blood, and guts, and entrails, and stinking corpses, of beasts who refused to be herded, and the bodies of two Terraneans who dared to pretend they were shepherds.

“It’s not as though either of us would ever know.” Ensio mused, but not unkindly. “Your horrible habit of unblinking deterred so many.”

“Yet your horrible beard drove off more.” Lath quipped back and the rumble of a chuckle that left Ensio, even as he continued to bleed, made a quirk of a smirk tug at Lath’s lips.

“I would offer to let you experience it on my own chest, as a parting gift,” Ensio started. “But I’m afraid this armor is too hard to remove one handed.” Lath’s eyes flickered back from the horizon to his friend. His left arm still hung only barely in its socket enough to be a meager semblance of functional. If they had anything to cauterize it, Lath would’ve offered to cut it off for him— spare him the dead weight. But they didn’t. And Lath didn’t want to watch his friend bleed out. At least in the frenzy of battle, Ensio’s final cry would hopefully be the only thing he’d witness of it. He had stared death in the face since the day he was born, yet the thought of it cradling its welcoming hands around his closest friend wasn’t something Lath could reconcile with himself.

“Do you regret following me?” Lath asked suddenly. A wind had begun to pick up from the west and both men turned to face it. Though they could not yet hear it, Lath knew Ensio’s sharp, hawk brown eyes would’ve been able to pick out the first details of the beasts and monsters headed this way. He would see their horns, feathers, too wide jaws, inhuman structures and limbs. He would see them fleeing towards what would become their new sanctuary— or prison. The Labyrinth gleamed like a gem in the climbing morning light, with its two guards to usher in the onslaught. The creatures’s flight was brought on by their own gods, they both knew. And though neither men could see them, they’d had more proof than they had in their entire lives that those beings they worshipped were tangible. That they were there.

“The only thing that I regret is not having a roll in the sack just once before I died.”

“Be serious.”

Ensio turned to Lath. And as always, his eyes were dark with a wisdom Lath never claimed to understand, and never would, not as long as the two of them were alive. They turned soft with something like fondness. “I would rather die a hero by your side than waste away in Ubwyn, surrounded by every waking reminder of those I’ve failed.”

“You haven’t failed.” Lath couldn’t help but growl. Yet, Ensio went on calmly, unperturbed by his outburst.

“My mother died. My brothers, my sisters. We couldn’t bury them, we could only leave them behind. It’s not the little king’s fault, nor Zenith’s, nor yours. I just know my father will be heartbroken that he will only see me in Cerullius, not his love, nor the starlight’s that lit his life. If I die by you, Lath, maybe our journey to Cerullius won’t be so horrible. Maybe I can use this as penance for not guiding the rest of my family home.” He let out a shuddering breath—a wheeze. “It’s not a bad death, to die by my truest, dearest friend.” Lath could only hum. And as the shrieking and wailing of the beasts drew near, Lath let his hand over his wounded chest go limp, and he shuffled to Ensio, pulling the taller man into a tight, crushing hug. His armor plates cut Lath’s cheek, and the hug was far too tight for either of their aching ribs but it was important and needed and real. Ensio pulled back first.

“Our people will remember you, Lath. As the hero you were always meant to be. Even if you never received your Oracle’s Blessing, your valor is worth far more than that.”

“What was your Oracle’s Blessing En?” Lath couldn’t help but ask. It wasn’t a secret commonly shared but he suddenly felt that he needed to know. Ensio’s tired lips quirked into a bemused smile.

“To play the sword of a great hero.”