#Was about to say the good things the NHS has done to me and how it affects medical workers but that defeats the fucking point I made

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

I hate how if you voice the mildest criticism of the NHS you have to coat it in layers of I love the NHS!!! and all medical workers just want to help!!!! It's just a funding issue!!

Iike actually fuck that. The NHS is systematically flawed and biased and there are many medical workers who are cruel and malicious and put patients lives in danger. Sure the lack of funding and the overworking don't fucking help but maybe?? Maybe don't do medical abuse about it!!! Poor poor medical workers don't you understand they have to abuse and mistreat the vulnerable!!!

[wosoamazing]

New Normal 1.0

Alessia x Child!R - Part 2 of the Diabetes & Love Series Warnings: Hospitals, Diabetes, Cannulas

Taking requests for any blurbs/one-shots based on the series and happy to answer any questions

“How was it?” Lia asked as your Mum and Lotte returned from their class.

“Good, overwhelming but good,” your Mum replied as she slipped in behind you, you were sitting in the middle of your bed intently watching a show playing on your iPad, “I see Leah has found the flyers,”

“Huh, what,” Leah spoke up after hearing her name.

“The flyers,” your Mum said gesturing to them, “I’m thinking of going with the Omnipod for the insulin as it has no tubes and so would work well, less risk of her pulling it out, I was worried about the weight though but everyone says its not actually that bad and little kids don’t even notice it, and the NHS does do the FreeStyle Libre but I’m thinking of actually going with the Dexcom, it’s more common in other places around the world and so many people complain about the Libre falling off, even with the patches to help it stay on, which would just be annoying.” Your Mum told the room.

“That sounds like a good plan Less, sounds like you’ve done your research,” Leah replied.

“She barely slept last night, I swear she was on her computer the whole night,”

-

“Also is it alright if Leah comes with me instead of Lotte? Just-” Your Mum asked your doctor just as she was leaving the room.

“Absolutely Alessia, no problem at all, it is excellent to see how much of a community you have, we’ll see you in 5 minutes,” your Mum nodded

“Less. Katie and Caitlin want to know if they can come visit Peanut, and so do Kyra and Steph,” Lotte told your Mum.

“Um,” Your Mum said, stumped eyes clearly welling up, and a tear rolled down her cheek, which she wiped away before sniffing.

“Let’s just wait hey, maybe tell them you’ll get back to them, and thank you for their concern, it's a lot at the moment, they will understand that,” Leah stepped in, hoping to reassure your Mum, she earned a small nod from your Mum before you interrupted.

“Mummy,” you said softly as you turned yourself in your Mum’s lap not having been listening to the adults conversation, having been too absorbed in your show, only to notice she seemed sad, so you carefully stood up before leaning your weight into her and giving her a hug, “no sad, happy,” your words caused your Mum to chuckle.

“Thank you pea,” she said as she rubbed your back holding you tight, “I love you so much, you know that right?” you nodded your head against her neck, “Mummy just has to go have a meeting with the doctors, and Leah is going to come with me, but you’ll be okay with Lotte and Lia for a little bit?” You nodded before giving her a sloppy kiss.

_______

“Bubba, Mummy needs to explain something to you, do you think you could sit and listen for a bit?” she said as she entered the room, you nodded before looking at her intently, she picked you up and placed you on her lap so you were facing her.

“So, the doctors have found out you have something called diabetes, this means your body is missing little messengers called insulin, the little messengers you’re missing normally tell your body to turn the food you eat, more specifically the sugar in your food into energy, so you can do all the things you like. But because of this it means the sugar in your blood gets too high and you start to feel yucky, so we have to give your body insulin now, but sometimes if we give too much insulin your sugar will get too low and you will also feel yucky. So we have to make sure we watch the sugar in your body and keep it in line, by giving it insulin. Does that make sense?” you nodded at her, before asking her “forever?”

“Yes, forever, but there are these cool little machines that we stick to your body and they help us in making sure the sugar behaves, Mummy has chosen two that might work for us, but if you don’t like them we can always try others. Would you like to see them?” you nodded and Leah handed Alessia the examples.

“So this one, is called an omnipod, and it will help us give your body insulin,” she handed it to you so you could inspect it, “and this one is a Dexcom, it keeps an eye on your sugar for us,” you reached up for that one too and she gave it to you.

-

“We’re going to go now Less, if you need anything at all just message us,” Lia told her as they got ready to leave, you were still inspecting the devices.

“Thank you so much, Mum and Dad will be here in a few minutes so I think Lotte is going to go and get a break quickly too.” They nodded before leaving.

“Nonna? Pa?” you chimed in.

“Yeah, Nonna and Pa are coming to visit us soon Peanut, you can show them your new helpers if you want when they come,” which caused you to smile brightly and nod.

“I’ll be back okay? Don’t worry, I’ll pack bags for us like we discussed, if you need me to come back earlier for any reason at all message me and I’ll jump back into the car.” Lotte told your Mum as she stood up.

“Thank you so much Lotte, it means so much to me, I’m so sorry for changing your plans and interrupting our like second final week off.” “Less, don’t apologise, it’s okay, and honestly I haven’t thought about football once since we got here, which is incredibly unusual, so if anything it's more of a break,” she said before hugging your Mum and leaving.

-

“We heard our grandbaby was here somewhere,” you heard two very familiar voices say, causing you to look up.

“Nonna and Pa,” you exclaimed as you saw them, “look, my helpers, mini ma-ma, Mummy help,” “Her mini machines as we are now referring to them apparently, they’re just models, they’ll bring the real ones in and get them set up and on her soon. The chunkier white one is the insulin pod and the smaller one is the Continuous Glucose Monitor, they aren/t under the NHS but health insurance covers them mainly and they were the best options for us so I decided to go with them,” your Mum informed your grandparents, and the similarity between you and them inspecting them made Alessia smile.

“How are you? We walked past some of the girls on our way in.” Your Nonna said to her daughter.

“Good, it’s a lot to take in but it helps that she is just interested in everything going on and not scared. Yeah Leah and Lia came to visit and Lotte is staying with us, she has just gone home to get us some things we need,”

-

The doctor came in shortly after Nonna and Pa had arrived and you all through the setting up process, you didn’t even flinch when either of the cannulas were inserted much to everyone's delight. You then go to spend some time with your Nonna and Pa, whilst your Mum had a much needed nap on the pull out bed. When your Nonna and Pa left your Mum was still sleeping but they decided to leave her like that, with the reassurance that the nurses would keep an eye on you.

“Shhhh, Mummy sleeping,” you whispered as Lotte returned, “need to be quiet,”

“Okay,” Lotte whispered back to you slightly amused. 

-

“Oh Lotte, when did you get here,” your Mum asked groggily as she rubbed her eyes.

“Just over an hour ago, don’t worry we had everything under control, you needed a sleep,” Lotte said, causing your Mum to humm in response.

“Mummy look, drawing, for you,” you said proudly as you held up a drawing you drew for her.

“Oh thank you, it is amazing, I love it,” she told you as she picked you up before sitting in your bed and placing you in her lap, “why don’t you tell Lotte what happened once she left,”

“Nonna and Pa came, and then the doctor came and she put my mini helpers on me, and while she was teaching Mum, and Nonna and Pa how to work them she let me help her push the needle so that the stuff went into the pod and then she stuck them on me, and I didn’t even flinch when the cannulas were inserted so I got a sticker, and then we did some playing and Mum fell asleep and now you’re here,” you recounted the events of the afternoon to Lotte at lightning speed.

[tavina-writes]

I have been pondering the recent rash of "post canon NHS and LXC would never ever reconcile bc even if NHS wanted to have Er-ge back, LXC would never ever forgive him for [insert reason of choice here]" type of posts + the "do you think NHS thinks very hard about how much Da-ge would hate him for becoming [the way that he is now] by choosing to seek vengeance" type of posts, and I think fundamentally the reason these posts do not jive with me is that we have no indication, in the show or in the book that uh, NHS gives a shit about either of these things very much anymore?

The first type of post is predicated on the assumption that LXC's forgiveness or lack thereof some some sort of either extension of mercy (which NHS obviously does not deserve <- or so assumes the post) or some form of punishment (which is obviously the correct answer) but the last scene we get with NHS both in the book and the show make no indication that this is a thing he wants? Or cares about? Book NHS has *sauntered off* with his little hat trophy and Show NHS walks off screen after saying something along the lines of "What is my responsibility I won't shirk, what isn't my responsibility I won't care about." Now, arguably, show NHS is having a worse go of it emotionally, but shows no real inclination or interest in either apologies or making up and being friends again with LWJ, LXC, WWX, or other people. Book NHS seems pretty pleased with the outcome of the events as a whole?

The second type of post is predicated on the fact that NHS finds Da-ge's judgement a horrible burden to bear at this stage in the game, which! He might! But again especially in the book we get no indication that he has any fucks left to give about what Da-ge may or may not have wanted since Da-ge is dead. In both the show and the book, NHS went about revenge taking very specific and complicated actions with the desired result of JGY dying, but he certainly took the scenic route getting there, which, he didn't need to? As I've written about before, JGY didn't see him as a threat. If he wanted JGY dead he could've arranged to poison JGY's tea like, 10 years ago and had done with it instead of his complicated Rube Goldberg life ruining scheme. If he is still sickly anxious about how Da-ge might feel about the scheming and the trouble causing and the whole everything, that's certainly possible, but he must've decided it was worth it anyway regardless of that, and I don't know that it necessarily would've changed just because he got what he wanted at the end.

Overall, I think as a fandom we think a lot about like "will and should this relationship ever be repaired or similar to how it used to be?" and "does this character deserve/not deserve the forgiveness of people they've hurt or abandoned?" which can be interesting questions! I do feel like these are often taken as "is a character morally good (deserves to be forgiven) or morally bad (deserves to rot in hell forever never forgiven ever ever)" and based entirely on if Character is the meta writer's blorbo. Under this paradigm the concept of "Character did bad things to get exactly what they wanted and were happy about that and no relationships were ever repaired and the emotional detachment of people they used to care about no longer matters to them!" is uncomfortable.

It's just that for NHS I've increasingly come to the conclusion that canonically, I don't think NHS thinks he has anything to apologize for, nor is he super interested in being forgiven! He got what he wanted the way he wanted it to happen. Which is potentially supremely unsatisfying but I think is very sexy as a narrative concept.

[tamelee]

I just rewatched vote2 and OMGGGG idk if I'm mad at kishi for not getting them together (cuz I know they probably wouldn't be) or just mad that he ended it there and didn't explore narusasu's relationship after all that, but I have so many emotions 😭 I'm just mad that nh and ss got together 🙄 (I wouldn't call them canon, cuz sns love for each other is canon, nh and ss is forced)

Also I love Sasuke so much in this fight that I'm also mad we didn't get to see more of him like this (openly showing his emotions, laughing, crying, being happy for once, accepting Naruto)

But anyway, do you know which fic is best to read after watching the ending? I already know lots of canon fics but idk which one is the best to read. I wanna fil the hole in my heart 😩

Ah VotE2 feels ;-; … I understand, I understand…  (He did accept Naruto though, the very first to do so actually, d'you mean the feelings?)

I still really liked it in the Anime, it’s just that I wish there were a few things they’d done differently as shown in the Manga. Like Sasuke screaming for sure, he's in so much pain and it's so important to show that, especially considering VotE1 where Naruto was screaming. Now it's a reverse and for good reason.

And nah, there’s no way they’d actually get together in the sense that a romantic relationship becomes surface level text and it’s spelled out for the reader.

You know, I was thinking about this and ‘Naruto’ is a story where Kishimoto used every literary device in his creators’ arsenal in order to show the story. Even in dialogue and text, he still pays attention to how something is said and the timing of it. That’s why, in order to understand a message or to pick up on sub-text, context is so important. That's what makes something 'true'. Characters don’t always say what they mean… in fact, the best characters don’t imo. There’s so much heart in the story and you can see it in the slightest expressions, in body language and Kishimoto definitely has a way of showing what he considers important and what isn’t. 

Brt on the other hand… well, it’s just told. It’s called authorial assertion or fiat in literature. They don’t show us why or how something happened, there’s no justification, evidence for any declarations and don’t even question it, because ‘it is just so because we said so’ and they don’t even know either.  

Uh, not right away- homesick for a mountain's song by kintou comes to mind. I have others but I still have to sort them >< A few posts ago I shared what others’ have shared with me. I got a bunch of recs in the past few weeks that I’m going to read, but I’ll save my favorites to share later! 

[maoam]

Ramblings stemming from frustration with this fandom sometimes. ( Naruto. )

I know Naruto fandom has always been a tad toxic ever since it started becoming popular and such, but something about these newer fans who are so comfortable with d3ath threats, body shaming, sa threats, and d0xxing other people for the sake of a character. Fandom discourse is truly never that serious and the fact that they’ve become so obsessed with “ratioing” or “owning” other people that they’re willing to say absolutely vile things all for what… some likes? Validation from other gross people?

And then for these people to still say they’re the “good part of the fandom” or “the sane part”. It’s almost narcissistic for lack of a better word at the moment. ( not diagnosing anyone or speaking as if I’m some sort of mental health expert. Just can’t think of another word right now because of the headache this phenomenon is causing me as it is becoming much too common. )

They have this obsession with demonizing “the other side.” To the point of making false claims, which is insane. Or maybe they actually believe them? I can’t tell. They just spread whatever makes them feel good about what they like and don’t care about the source.

This is mainly a lame annoyed rant about the Hinata fanbase which have become somehow even worse within the past few days with their weird obsession with trying to get the Boruto artist (I think he works for sp? Unsure as he says most of his art is fanart but he made a like two or three official pieces that were on the official boruto/naruto page.) fired and sending him death threats for I guess just not drawing Hinata as much as they want? Like to the point where they were literally saying she was being “oppressed and bullied” by this artists. It was insane to see in person because you really would like to believe people WOULDNT compare a character not being drawn in a way they approve of to the oppression the people of Palestine are facing but hey, I suppose it’s a competition now to see how much of a bad person you can be for the sake of a character.

Also I know this is not just an issue in the hinata fandom, although the recent need to fetishize how “Asian Hinata is compared to that white girl sakura.” Is irking me a lot more than what other fandoms have done as of recent that I’m aware of. The Sakus seem to be their usual level of delusion and crappy attitude. Which is easy to ignore for me.

Does it sound like I’m making stuff up at this point? Because as I’m writing this I’m seeing just how insane this really is. This *shouldn’t* be real. This *shouldn’t* be things people say without shame. And yet, people just throw their morals for… what, internet points? The self validation that they defended to their favorite character? Who knows.

You might not even read this, I wouldn’t blame you lol. Just me being annoyed with how comfortable people within the naruto fandom have become so comfortable with being bad people.

My only real question is have you noticed an increase of toxicity within the fandom? Do you think this behavior has gotten worse with the ending of Naruto and beginning of Boruto?

I kinda get what you mean. I remember even before the manga ended there was apparently aggressive fights between Narusaku/Naruhina shippers, like the body shaming towards the other ship's girl and so on. And SS also were aggressive. But nowadays it indeed seems worse. I'm not sure if it's because we have new big platforms? Twitter and Tiktok I mean, both have really cancerous fandom spaces.

SS/NH harass official staff all the time, as well as other parts of the fandom. And then they act like victims because some people think Sakura and Hinata are shitty characters lol. Meanwhile they treat real people like shit. I think it might be because everyone makes fun of their ships/girls all the time, because it's so easy, so they become even crazier in trying to compensate, they try to harass the staff for more content for their ship, to get back at the people who say their ships suck. Also because so many popular content creators keep making content on Naruto and Sasuke being gay and Sakura/Hinata being their beards it's also humiliating to them.

Of course, they also need to fight which girl is the best girl. Which girl is less of a single mother for example. XD

"Or maybe they actually believe them?" Considering how many SS have convinced themselves that some moments that happened between Naruto and Sasuke actually happened between Sasuke and Sakura, I can believe them being that delusional.

"Does it sound like I’m making stuff up at this point?" No because I have witnessed it myself, plenty Sakura and Hinata stans on twitter have that toxic "bad bitch" attitude that they think makes them queens or whatever, they harass people and are extremely aggressive and think female character doing the bare minimun = queen behaviour. It comes off as very childish and narcissistic. No wonder Sakura and Hinata as characters appeal to them.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

happy true take tuesday 🎊 here is some stuff that is objectively true:

jin guangyao did the most good for the most people over the longest period of time in the jianghu. evidence:

his time embedded as a spy in wen ruohan's court allowed him to share crucial intelligence with lxc and nmj, and enabled him to maneuver himself into the perfect position to assassinate wrh--the war would not have been won without him;

see the sections of the text where the impact of the watchtower project is revealed to save the lives of common people who would not have been able to afford the protection of cultivators otherwise;

see wwx's own observations about the safety of the jianghu under jgy's tenure as chief cultivator, thus allowing the juniors the privilege of growing up in a peaceful and stable world;

see jin ling's observation that no one in the gentry would dare try to bribe a jin sect disciple while jgy was jin-zongzhu;

whether you think the relationship is romantic in canon is immaterial: lan xichen loved jin guangyao and is mourning his death, not the metaphorical death of his ~worldview~, while he is in seclusion. his feelings for jgy are not just about his sense of obligation, and there is absolutely no evidence in the text suggesting that he ever would have abandoned jgy--because he clearly does not do that even during the final guanyin temple confrontation. evidence:

lxc's worldview is actually pretty intact during and post-guanyin temple confrontation. @xiyao-feels provided one of the most thorough analyses I've read on this point over here, so I won't repeat or try to paraphrase what someone else has already illustrated so eloquently, you can go check it out for yourself;

see the literal years of their friendship that lxc spends calling jgy "a-yao," rather than "meng-gongzi" or "jin-gongzi," or "jin-zongzhu," or "lianfang-zun," or literally any other name/title combination that he could have reached for instead of the affectionate diminutive that indicates the level of emotional intimacy between them. if his feelings for jgy were rooted exclusively in a sense of debts owed, there are so many other forms of address for him to utilize instead;

lxc devotes literal years of his life to supporting jgy in both his efforts to reconcile with nmj (please miss me with the bad faith takes on this, I have already written about how four years is a long-ass time for nmj to spend un-murdered if jgy was always planning to off him for daddy) and in his efforts to distinguish himself as a competent member of the jin sect; the watchtower proposal was something they were working on together while jin guangshan was still jin sect leader, and jgy was risking a lot of his hard won political capital trying to push through an expensive plan that would not make money for jgs. give lxc some credit for god's sake, he's not an idiot, and he would not have supported this proposal if he thought it would do more harm than good;

in nearly every scene jgy and lxc share with each other, they actively gravitate towards each other or seek each other out, to the exclusion of other people around them because--and this may be a little complicated to unpack, so bear with me a moment--they just fucking like each other.

we know what lxc looks like when he has decided to turn his back on someone and isn't interested in what they have to say anymore: he does this to nhs post-guanyin temple when it becomes clear that nhs is going to provide him with neither clear answers nor closure. contrast this against his dogged determination to understand why jgy did the things he did, even when he is furious, even when he is devastated by what he hears. this is not the conduct of someone who has decided they are done with a relationship; this is someone determined to find a way through to the other side.

[sweet-milky-tea705]

Im a bit too nosy methinks. I hope the devs dont hate me :’) anyways while i was being nosy i was thinking about the funding for touchstarved and if theyve done any funding rounds yet besides the kickstarter. I havent found any articles about it,,, other related companies like nix hydra and dorian did some seed and series A funding to raise money for their studios and i could find info/articles about that, even how much they raised(dorian approx 16MIL total and NH with about 6MIL back in 2014) Nothing about red spring though besides “touchstarved coming soon from indie studio” i worry about their funding a little. Touchstarved is set to be a big project and with the stretch goals,,, its a lot of money being spent on things that arent.. necessary persay? Dont get me wrong i would love an animated intro and original soundtrack etc etc. idk much about running a gaming studio though. I have zero experience whatsoever with anything like it so take everything i say with a massive grain of salt. I have read up a lot on the nix hydra fiasco though(queue the glassdoor reviews and masterpost and such) and learned they spent a lot of their funding poorly, as expected with bad management and i trust red spring a bit more. I dont see any records of investors and sponsors for red spring and i think they even mentioned in the blerdy interview that they didnt really have any and money was a major obstacle for running the studio. I cant help but worry about the success of the studio with that in mind. But its far too early to tell and unlike nix hydra im pretty sure red spring is mostly remote and doesnt have to worry about funds for the office building. So far, things seem to be going really good minus the lack of investors. The team is full of talented, highly credited people and the kickstarter has gone above and beyond. I have faith that this project will work out and ill keep supporting from the sidelines,, and being nosy

[captain-aralias]

giving birth

idk, i'm pretty sure some people wouldn't write a post about going into labour on tumblr, but it's a thing i wanted to write about, so - it's here if you want it! if you'd rather avoid, don't click the read more.

things normal people might want to know outside the cut:

baby is now 11 days old <3 things are generally going well. i sleep between about 11pm and 3am, and then again 8am to 10am

it's been hard to get enough brain together to write a post like this, reply to comments, read fic, etc, as many of my most cogent hours have been visitor hours or hanging out with my partner. the night shift is not a good time to do things that aren't watching TV. i've managed to Read Half a Book (daisy jones and the six - easy going, i like it)

i was going to cosplay him as baby simon snow left at the orphanage, but he looks nothing like simon (much more like baz - currently: grey eyes, reddish-gold skin, dark hair), and also i don't want to write on my baby :o

surprise fourth entry: we think the terrace house next door has been turned into a brothel ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ok - birth stuff after this. not too much gory detail, probs, but some.

the beginning part you already know!

waters broke on thursday 11th, just after i woke up. this was two days after the stitch was removed, and therefore almost certainly related, so hooray for stitch! kept the baby in until 37 weeks.

i'd been worried that i might not realise my waters had broken, as apparently this is totally possible. i am here to tell you - that YES, it is possible. i clocked what it probably was immediately, but also it wasn't a 4 cups of liquid is everywhere sort of deal, it was more like - about half a cup every hour or so. and so i thought - this is probably what is happening, but maybe it's not and i should have done more pelvic floor exercises.

went to hospital. got hooked up to the machine that monitors baby heartbeat and movement. nothing much happening, although heartbeat all ok. the midwife on duty was called 'merlyn' - true story.

she asked me to walk around for a bit and come back, so my partner and i walked to the costa coffee inside the hospital. i ordered one of the new 'bubble' drinks, because i thought - why not? it's sugary and cold, these are things that make babies move. the drink was...... not good. blueberry slushy with cream on top and bubbles that were a) too big to fit through the absolutely normal straw and b) apparently were a cross between blueberries and popping boba. i say apparently as i'd given up by then and my partner ate them.

anyway - this detail included just to show you how surreal and nothingy early labour was. we walked back, hooked back up to the machine. baby now kicking a bit, and merlyn asked me whether i just had a really high pain tolerance and therefore wasn't upset about the contractions. i said, 'i dont know - guess we're about to find out' 🤔

agreed i probably wasn't in labour yet, so i was sent home, but asked to come back at 4.30 for my pre-scheduled scan with the nice doctor who first realised my cervix was open, and who we've seen regularly since (because my partner rang to complain when we had no follow up, and because this doctor was the one who rang us back and then made sure we were seen afterwards. not brilliant work from NHS administrators).

was also told if i didn't go into labour before hand, to come back at 8.30am (24 hours after waters broken) to be induced. given leaflet about induction methods. key take away - could take up to 3 days. sounds terrible.

home for 2 hours, back to hospital for scan.

we were waiting around for about half an hour. shown in - doctor says, 'we've had some difficult patients today, sorry! but you should be easy'. my partner tells her my waters have broken - she's surprised! (but pleased) no one has managed to tell her or put it in any notes, which she just reviewed. again - great job. i do love you NHS, but what is going on? a student midwife is trying to scan me - and has had to deal with all these previous difficult cases. with little amniotic fluid left, her job is basically impossible. sorry :'(

but - waters breaking confirmed! honestly, until that point i was still not sure. doctor says, induction could be offered immediately, but we mostly don't do that as in almost all cases you go into labour before 24 hours. i said thank you again for spotting my cervix being open. weird to think we won't see her again!!

went home. watched the end of 'little dorrit' (overall - it's good. so many famous people. the ending is a bit all over the place, though). about 9pm started feeling period-pain type pain. figured: probably a contraction! definitely did not feel like i expected in that there was no real release. it was just - now you're having a painful period. i called maternity triage again to say there was blood in the water now, and they reminded me that was totally normal (mucus plug, i guess) and to come back when things were serious.

so - i went to sleep.

woke up at about 2am. contractions now serious business, but also still... not as serious as i'd expected. again: basically it felt like period pain, this time crossed with constipation. and then it would go away, and i'd feel totally normal again, which i was not expecting.

we'd been told to come in when the contractions were every 5 minutes for an hour. my contractions were coming about ever 2-3 minutes. after about 20 minutes, i told my partner that i wanted to go to the hospital now, even if we should really wait. this was the RIGHT decision.

i'm the only one who can drive our car. it was obviously not a good idea to drive the car. i called an uber. unfortunately the labour ward is on the other side of the hospital to the main entrance, and doesn't have an address you can give uber..... retrospectively i'd have done better just putting in the street, like i usually did, but i tried to use the labour ward post code. we ended up at the main entrance, which was shut.

erin (my partner) keeps telling people that the uber drive was annoyed i slammed the door of his car, but i honestly do not remember this. the drive was about 10 minutes, during which i alternated between feeling bad and feeling totally fine.

we didn't bother trying to direct the driver to the right part of the hospital, just got out. erin wanted to go and get a wheelchair, but i didn't want to just sit on the ground outside the hospital in the middle of the night while she did that, and i felt completely fine ... except when i didn't.

so we walked to the labour ward. it's about 5 minutes from the entrance. i sat on the floor when the contractions came. then walked again. cool times.

arrived at maternity triage. again, it felt like going there every other time we'd ever been there - my key take away is that most of being in labour was extremely underwhelming. pain was not great, to the extent that i was thinking 'i can see why people don't like labour, maybe this was a terrible idea', but i could still think things like that. they hooked me up to the same machine as they had in the morning, and this time it said - yes, definitely in labour (which i knew, but ho hum - it was doing its best!).

asked to confirm i was a low risk pregnancy. we were like - nope, don't think so. ivf, stitch, isnt that in the notes??

a midwife came over and was like - "WOW, you're 8cm dilated." (of the necessary 10cm) at which point they started to take everything a bit more seriously. but they also described a bunch of pain relief options - and i was like, whatever, give me whatever i can have. and then was told - oh no, you actually can't have pethadine, water birth, or epidural of these as you're too far along. (which i also knew, but then why offer?)

i'd sort of suspected this might be the case, given how my cervix tried to open at 21 weeks. so my birth plan was basically 'whatever'. v glad i hadn't had my heart set on anything in particular.

they wheeled me down the corridor to one of the birthing rooms. they wouldn't let me go to the toilet in case i had the baby in the toilet..... that's how quickly things were happening.

i managed to change into the hospital gown, then got onto the bed. 'this is such a comfortable bed' i told my partner, although later (post birth) i realised that it wasn't... but i appreciated it a lot at the time.

i WAS allowed gas and air, hurrah. i'm extremely keen on doing things that make my life easier, so i accepted, obvs. basically, you breathe in during the contractions, and breathe out of the mask normally when you're not contracting.

THIS made the whole experience very different from just 'intense period pain', in part probably because the pain was ramping up, but also because whenever i wasn't contracting i felt completely off my face from the gas. overall, i thought this was a decent pain relief option. i also liked how breathing in the gas gave me something to focus on while pain was happening and it was a clear signal to everyone else that it was happening.

i probably had about... 5 more before my body was like 'maybe time to push'. (it really did feel different/like an actual urge). midwife told me i couldn't have the gas and air anymore - boo - just focus on pushing when the urge came.

pushed...... but obviously it hurt, so even though they were like 'keep pushing!' i thought, i will just relax because that's less painful. (great job, brain.) but i only faked out twice.

they invited a doctor in, because i was bleeding, and baby's heartrate was dropping. i agreed to the episiotomy because even though i reeeally didn't want that, i obviously would do whatever to get the baby safe.

retrospectively, my partner and i think that probably i was bleeding because i'd just had the stitch out two days before and those wounds had opened. but neither of us thought of it at the time, and no one assisting with the birth had had time to read the notes. (this is a theme of the post, not to be too whingey - but it was a shame). but anyway, the cutting (boo) came with a side of local anaesthetic (HOORAY) so actually it felt like a very good decision at the time, even above baby's safety.

one more contraction, one more push - baby was born in one go.

he's premature-levels of small at 5lb 10oz (5th percentile), even though he's technically full term. this is why erin and i think the bleeding was from the stitch rather than the baby, although one of the midwives suggested perhaps he was holding his arm up next to his face and that made him seem bigger. the scan we got the day before estimated his weight as being more normal, but scans are super unreliable particularly late in pregnancy.

really a very easy birth, as far as i can tell. i had slept through a lot of the early stage. the fear of being at home at not with medical professionals was the worst bit (and we fixed that by just going in even when we weren't sure) and as soon as it was over, i felt immediately fine. the whole thing had taken 2 hours tops. baby born at 4.30am.

i thought i'd cry when they gave me the baby, but actually i was too surprised that he was actually there and alive. (my partner cried.) the umblical cord looks creepy and alien. we'd agreed a medical professional should cut the cord, rather than erin (who wants to do this? they just want dads to feel involved). i got to hold him baby while they gave me the shot to deliver the placenta. barely felt it.

then had to give baby to erin for 30 minutes while a fuck tonne of stitches were put in... the amount of sewing involved was definitely worrying. i'd assumed maybe like... two stitches, but... it was a lot. can't recommend (though could not feel it at the time.)

after that, we just got to hang out in the room. i showered, changed, they brought me (but not erin) some breakfast and lunch. they did tests on the baby, most of which he passed. didn't pass the hearing test but apparently this is normal, as lots of babies have fluid in their ears. we think he can hear as he has startled at loud noises since. all the clothes i'd brought were hilariously too big.

sent home about 12 hours after the birth. could have stayed if we'd wanted to, but definitely did not.

i felt totally fine the entire day of the birth, full of LOTS of adrenalin. second day was also ok. third day was my crash. i got a cold, which was NOT good for my pelvic floor (and which i still have, RIP). my stitches hurt, the sleep debt had kicked in and i was hobbling everywhere, and breastfeeding wasn't going well. before the birth i'd been very much of the opinion that i'd breastfeed if it was easy, but i found it kind of weird and knew the health benefits were exaggerated. (but not completely, obviously). deep in my hormones, i was not able to hold onto this previously rational view. instead, i was thinking - i have no connection to my baby anymore.

i also cried at the song 'making a man' from the musical operation mincemeat (which is NOT an emotional song - but is about someone with the same name as my baby, who i'd just made), the beginning of the movie 'in the heights' (it was just so good!), the ending of the movie 'pride', and i cried again while describing what had happened at the end of 'pride' and how i'd cried.....

bought several breast pumps, fed the baby formula, took a day off from trying to breastfeed, things pretty much fixed for me (except for the crying at movies) by day 5. going to continue with combination feeding (i.e. breastmilk+formula) though, because it just seems insane to have to wake up every time the baby is hungry. what am i, a sadist? and when people are over - how good not to have to get your breasts out... thank you makers of formula.

ANYWAY. we're now on day 11. feels like baby is pretty easy going for a baby, he only cries when he needs something - which i appreciate, as it helps me keep him alive \o/ he will sleep in his basket, but only if he's already asleep. he prefers to be held. he can sleep for 3 hours at a time, but only during the day - at night you're lucky to get 1 hour, and he has been awake for about 2 hours at a time, unlike about 15 minutes average in the day. he smells nice, he wasn't cute-cute when he first came out, but he is getting extremely cute now and i think he looks more like my partner than an unknown donor (although still all to play for, i think). because he's still super small and almost pre-term, his legs and arms are still all curled up like he's in the womb, even though he's been out 11 days. but he's gradually uncurling them and stretching out.

i like holding him. he makes funny faces. he has a LOT of hair - which means the heartburn was right about that one. (n.b. heartburn is linked to hair, this is an old wives tale that is now scientifically proven) think it's going well, overall <3

n.b. i had to pause at this point because baby woke up. what they say about baby boys peeing on you while you change their nappies is 100% accu-rat, but it's quite funny really. we haven't worked out how to stop it because putting a cloth over him makes him hold it in..... and then you remove the cloth....... fine comedy in action.

my bump was very small, so i was able to put my pre-pregnancy jeans back on after only a few days. hooray, i love jeans.

uterine contractions started about day 6 (this is a thing i feel i did not know about before being pregnant myself. 7 days worth of contractions post baby to bring your uterus back in line). wow, it's like MORE PERIOD PAIN. great. there's less blood than i expected, though. i also can't control my temperature well at night - so i'm super hot while asleep, then get out of bed and start shivvering. apparently this is what the menopause will be like. looking forward to that 😅

not much else to add except the brothel stuff. basically 2 nights ago, someone knocked on my front door at 4.30 (same time baby was born!) in the morning as i was sitting up with baby. rang the doorbell, walked round to peer through the window, and then knocked again. i would not have answered - just wanted him to go away, but erin came down and opened the door, which was (it turns out) the right thing to do, but i was not happy about it - as we live in a semi-dodgy neighbourhood, although i've always felt relatively safe as we're off the highstreet and there are often people outside the pub until 1-2am, which is annoying but also feels like they'd see and stop anything bad.

i was running through scenarios like 'and then he breaks in' or 'and then he stabs whoever opened the door' in my mind. instead he just said something like - 'do you know where the whorehouse is?' and erin said 'wtf, it's 3am' and closed the door.

this could have just been a random incident, and indeed i didn't hear him say 'whorehouse' so i thought it was just a drunk guy asking for directions. but once she told me what he'd said, we then realised that the house next door to us... probably is a brothel. it's been renovated by our ex-neighbours and rented out, all the windows are blacked out, including the skylight we can see out of our windows. there's a complex doorbell system, they refuse to take our packages in, they don't have any bins out the front (which is presumably because no one is using the house as a house), and we've definitely heard people having sex through the walls. though erin thinks they've put up sound insulation just in time to not have to hear the baby crying in retaliation.

she's american and leftie and very against cops, so i'm trying not to be a karen about it. i have not reported it to the police, but i have said to erin already that if anything else happens that makes me feel unsafe...... i probably will. the man knocking on the door makes me not want to be awake with the baby in the night, even though nothing happened. (he broke the first rule of secret brothel - you DONT talk about secret brothel). we don't have our ex-neighbours details, so reporting is all we could do. apart from i guess ask them to move.... (won't be doing that, obvs. confrontation? no thanks.)

hopefully it's fine, and they will just move on at some point. VERY weird, though. and not what i need while hopped up on hormones.

glad to have written this post! feels like a good turning point in baby land, being able to write some words even if it's just this stream of consciousness. i also logged back into work Teams to send some pictures. since he was born, have been out with baby to the midwife (in the car), marks and spencers (in the car with pram), boots (in the pram), and today to a hipster coffee shop (in car, baby slept in pram bassinet). might reply to some comments tomorrow. working back up to actually writing some fic or finishing my lego.

also - it's (almost) hitting me that i have 9 months off work. apart from the sleep, i feel like i could go back to work now.... but i WANT the time off. but usually i only take 2 weeks off, and i've done that now... so it's time to go back to work...

i did read a bunch of other messages on Teams/Slack when i was posting the pictures. v hard not to care. even with something much more important to do.

ok - going to eat some food, now. thank you to anyone who read this far! hope it was interesting as well as long.

not tagging this pregnancy as i was doing it so people could block the tag, but people who don't know me literally found my posts and read them. and ... that's not what this is for.

[uhuraisgay]

fic writer meme

ty lore @megafaunatic for tagging meee :3c

How many works do you have on Ao3?

fifty three as of today. tomorrow? who knows.... (probably still fifty three)

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

518,435 words .... wrow.....

3. What fandoms do you write for?

historically its been all over the place but theres so much stuff rotting and dying in my gdrive that has never been posted so i feel like i have a broader actual ouvre than is represented on ao3. which is mdzs heavy at least in the past couple years

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. beyond all limit (wangxian i wrote for lore right after i first read the book) 4. if the story's over (moshang post-divorce get-together fic) 3. someone as good for me as you (written in 2016 for holster and ransom when i was reading check, please. LMAO) 2. at least as deep as the pacific ocean (written in 2015 in the clearest example of 'person distraught by the tragic ending of a tragedy misses the fucking point and writes a coffee shop au of achilles and patroclus after she read tsoa' ever, even bigger LMAO) 1. your name safe in their mouth (lsz gets his dad back, and other emotional adventures)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i used to try to reply to every comment i got but i stopped doing that around the same time i went to college and got more depressed. but i love reading comments and i sometimes reply if someone says something that moves me or like. asks me a question about the fic that i want to elaborate on? because i love to yap

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm not really good at writing straight angst i feel like it's normally like. angst with catharsis. but i wrote some explorations on grief in the past couple years that i feel like have the angst factor (what i have of you about nhs after nmj dies, and then when your beard fell out about my sweetie pie kageyama tobio in middle school after his grandpa dies)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have a lot of silly fluffy fics... idk i try to toe the line mostly of like. the joys and sadnesses of human experience but sometimes you just gotta fluff it up. i'll set the table, you can make the fire, which is book verse aziraphale/crowley living in a cottage and being in love, comes to mind....i love that one

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i don't think i've ever really gotten hate on a fic? i have been extremely lucky in that regard. especially since my whole ouvre from like 2014 onward is on that damn site and much of it is very cringeworthy.

9. Do you write smut?

not well!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

i often will do like kind of a quasi-crossover kind of thing rather than a True Crossover wherein i take characters i like from one medium and plop them into the roles and places of characters i like from another medium. i did a dragon age wangxian fic where lwj was the inquisitor from da:i called we held together the fragile sky that kind of exemplifies this dynamic

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of or that anyone has ever notified me of, but i also don't look that hard. if this has ever happened, it would hurt my feelings, so please don't do it ? lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!! and i was honored

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not as such but i have one not-intended-for-posting fic which is basically just a transcription of jokes i have with my roommate about haikyuu characters LOL which i think counts as co-writing. she's my co-writer in spirit even if i'm the one at the keyboard

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

my answer to this changes with every new fixation i have. like right now it's kagehina. if you asked me four years ago i would have said wangxian. You Know?

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO MANY...i think probably my fullmetal alchemist nie brothers au....i try not to post things until they are done and fully edited now, but that one was a whim-based fic that i lost all strength for as soon as i started thinking too hard about kagehina. i also had a fem nielan sci fi au that was vaguely based off beauty and the beast but nmj was like stuck in a ship and she thought she was its computer and that she was a program but she was actually a person....which i never posted any of except snippets on twitter and i think it was just too sprawling for my current skill level...i just was never able to wrangle it. but i am fond of it nonetheless

16. What are your writing strengths?

based on what other people have told me i would say the way i write sibling / family relationships, and while my prose is not always pretty i do think it can be pretty at times ...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i feel like it's often too self-indulgent even if that's what fic is for lol, and i tend to look back on fics and think, i wrote that because i had feelings about it and wanted to say it, but i'm not necessarily sure that This Character would say/do that at this point in time....idk like i fear that when i don't think about it hard enough my characterization can be weak or guided by what eye personally would do vs. what The Character would do. but some of that is because the majority of my fics on ao3 are from years and years ago and i (hopefully) have continued to improve

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i'm picky about it but when it's done well i think it's really fun and builds so much of the world/character. i think when it's bad it's really bad. when i go about it i try to think about like, a) do i know this language myself/do i know someone who does. if the answer is no i try to keep it really minimal. b) how do people who know multiple languages approach speaking those multiple languages naturally in real life. like (IN MY EXPERIENCE) ppl don't tend to switch languages for random words mid-sentence unless those words are like, mom, dad, uncle, aunt, ect...maybe swearing if they're less familiar with one of the languages and don't know slang/swearing in it...but again when it's done well it's really good and i'm not an expert. i just can kinda tell when it feels off when i read it, if that makes sense...(it's the same way i feel about grammar lol. sometimes i can just tell it's a little Off)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

probably either fma or soul eater or the sister's grimm book series when i was in middle school. or maybe doctor who? idk i had a lot of fanfic notebooks that i have since destroyed and then regretted destroying

20. Favorite fic you have written?

at the present moment it's in these coming years my kagehina love letter but again i feel like it changes constantly. like the more i write the better i get and the more the newest/most polished thing i've written sort of Becomes my favorite just by default of my satisfaction level with it. sorry if that's a bad answer

tagging @yuebings @dcyiyou @burins @cairoscene @cafecliche @perilously sorry if you've been tagged already also if you want to do this and i didn't tag you just say i did. I'll shut up now

[evegwood]

I was rereading your breakdown of the playlists and I was kind of intrigued by how you outright stated that David's insecurities are not related to his transness but to the power things - because, like, I don't think it's all meant to be a 1:1 metaphor, but specfic stories like that exist very much in conversation with more mundane issues people face so that distinction stood out to me? (cont.)

(cont.) Like, people such as David get detained in places that feel and work and look like the institutions in Inhibit IRL for various non-specfic reasons, and stories like this are a bit of a dialogue with these issues, especially one like this that goes into the mundane little miseries of it all. Would it be correct to say that that was your way of saying "I don't want people to reduce his character entirely to transness"? Thanks, love the comic!

Hey that's a good question! For sure there are real-world counterparts to a lot of the themes of Inhibit, but specifically when it comes to my queer characters I wanted the story to be completely neutral about their queerness. I do have a lot of thoughts on this so this might be long haha. Hopefully I cover everything I want to cover, I wrote this whole thing out and then hit ctrl+z to delete a line and Tumblr deleted the entire post without letting me ctrl+y because this is a working website that doesn't suck ass. I had to retype it all so I'm sorry if any of it is disconnected, I couldn't remember the exact order I said everything argh ANYWAY

When I started writing Inhibit I didn't realise I was trans, and then I came out as nonbinary, and then I started to transition, so I've had a whole spectrum of thinking "how should I handle transness in this comic?" over my time working on it. Pretty early on I decided that none of the characters would suffer because of being trans, they wouldn't have any anxiety about it, other characters wouldn't treat them differently etc; the story takes place in a world where superpowers are real, so it wouldn't be crazy for transness to also just be normal and accepted there lmao

However now I think that this is a pretty reductive way to represent the trans experience. Like it or not, being trans informs almost everything about you, and I didn't let my trans characters have that nuance. Vic being a white, seemingly cis* seemingly het** dude is pretty central to his character arc***, so actually examining queerness in this society would have been interesting. There was room to do that; something that is canon and just has never come up is that Urquhart sponsors their trans officers' HRT etc so they don't need to go through the NHS, meaning those officers are reliant on Urquhart long past their service. You're right: what would a conversation between the mundane and fantastical elements of Inhibit look like? I, 2023 Eve, would like to have that conversation! But this far into the story, I kinda missed the train on it.

* he uses any pronouns, he is shrug-gender ** he is bi *** spoilers wow he is privileged actually

I honestly think that I haven't done a good job at highlighting my trans characters, particularly for an audience that doesn't expect to see trans characters. I don't think I've done David and Masha justice as trans characters beyond little nods that readers could miss or not even understand, and there are some characters whose nonbinary/trans identities have just never been mentioned (Holly is nb, Jezza and Toby are trans - again just hasn't come up because of scenes and lines changing or being cut, there's so much that you can't fit into a story even when it's as long as this). So to finally answer your question, it isn't that I didn't want people to reduce David to his transness, because I don't think there's enough of his transness in the comic for that to even happen. I don't think anyone reads Inhibit and thinks oh yeah, David, you know, the trans one. It really was that at the time of writing the playlist breakdowns, I was firm that none of the Inhibit characters had anxiety or neuroses about being trans. Instead, all their neuroses were about their superpowers, because that's the fun angst.

Now looking back on Inhibit, there is actually an excruciating amount of evidence for the story kind of being a trans narrative ("oh god i can't control my own body oh god", "oh no people think my body should do this thing" etc). It's so interesting how creators have these themes that they continuously go back to in their work, even unintentionally, and mine is oops all trans. If I were to rewrite Inhibit from scratch now, I'd probably try to include more of that nuance and actually engage with those themes because I realise that they're there haha.

I hope all this answers your question? Kind of? A little? My ultimate conclusion is that I thought what I was doing was writing good trans characters, when ultimately I think I failed to write characters that are truly explicitly trans. On the other hand, maybe characters like David and Masha are the exact kind of trans rep that some people want and are looking for. Either way I'm actively working to write better trans characters in the future because trans people rule, and this was a really interesting question to reflect on, thank you!

[leatherbookmark]

Thinking, and like. all previous nie sect leaders qi deviated to death, because that's how the saber cultivation worked: it gradually fucked up their qi and tempers on top of that. and jgy playing the song of turmoil didn't cause nmj's death, it just sped it up. so... what if that's what happened with wrh and nmj's father?

the facts we have (from chapter 49):

wrh called nmj's father, said his saber was quite cool indeed, patted it a couple of times and that was it.

after nmj's father went back, he Was Not Pleased, rather annoyed that wrh called him just for a second then sent him back.

however, nothing was "out of the ordinary".

during a night hunt, his saber suddenly shattered, and in result, he couldn't defend himself against the beast who then injured him heavily.

after nmj took him back to the unclean realm, he couldn't accept this/couldn't get over it/怎么也咽不下这口气/腹に据えかね、悔しさに満ちていた (he was full of anger and frustration)

and his wounds didn't heal.

half a year later, he passed away. "it wasn't clear whether the cause was rage or illness".

later, when wrh and nmj fight, there's this neat little sentence:

愤怒使他陡然之间力大无穷, or, 湧き上げる憤怒が一瞬にして彼に限りなき力を与えた (rage welled up in his chest and immediately gave him a surge of unlimited boundless power)

i don't know much about how powers work in xianxia novels, let alone xianxia-based webnovels, but this sounds to me a bit like the qinghe nie cultivation method kind of uh, fucking sucked.

saber cultivation requires resentful energy of beasts and monsters.

the blade requires more strength and an aggressive fighting style than a regular "honest" sword.

unfortunately, in the process, the sabers start demanding more sacrifice, more anger and more blood -- this is why after their owners' deaths, they still need to be contained.

the more one uses such a saber, the more their qi and temper gets out of control.

it's like an ouroboros. the saber needs 😡 to work. but using saber makes one 😡 as well. both the saber and the user get more powerful thanks to 😡, but by getting more 😡, they get more 😡 (<-- this is not good).

idk, again, i don't know shit, but this looks like demonic cultivation... with one's own self... while alive? 😬

another two things, from chapters 49 and 50: one, nmj doesn't seem to notice that anything is out of order with his behaviour; when lxc points out his mind is in turmoil, he says "no it's not, i know what i'm doing". two: nmj still "hasn't told nhs about the saber spirit". it could mean "about the fact that sabers fuck you up, yknow, that it's a thing", or "that baxia's saber spirit in particular is being rowdy", but if nhs knew about the saber spirits being a thing, he would've done the math, i think. so, i think it's safe to assume that nhs did not know about the saber illness.

i'm talking about this because... they just don't know, huh. nmj's father must have been at least thirtysomething when he died, which means that a, even without a war going on, he's practiced rageloop turbo 3000 for more than half of his life and that probably shows, and b, his sons haven't seen his calmer, non-saberbrained self, because he must have been like 20 when he had them. the nie are just fiery-tempered! the sabers like a fiery-tempered warrior. which, okay, but could nmj tell that his father was, over the years, steadily getting quicker to anger? he has more duties, and besides, having wrh for a neighbour is stressing... no, he couldn't.

and wrh is power-thirsty and unstable, but also clever. he did work it out that the nie cultivators are strictly bonded with their sabers, so like a cat pushing something off the table, he couldn't help himself. he literally patted the blade a couple of times -- i'm assuming it wasn't just that, and that he infused his touch with something -- but it was enough to send this bond spiralling, enough for the saber to shatter. was the beast nmj's father was fighting so strong that its horn stopped his body's regeneration abilities? or was it the damage done to the saber that fucked up his qi and his body's regeneration abilities? LOTS TO THINK ABOUT.

again, my problem is that i don't really know how it all works -- but iirc, while jc doesn't have his sword, he's able to use zidian just fine, meaning that a proper, righteous cultivator's qi isn't tied to their sword. the nie cultivation seems to me like one big clan of people with targets carefully painted on their backs, of time bombs about to explode. there's no way out of this one!

and also like. something something, jgy trying to rise from his place as a sex worker's son -- he can't do it like a normal, high-born cultivator, so he has to use means other deem undignified, cheating, unfair. something something the nie sect founder trying to rise from his place as a butcher... i'm not saying they're the same, jgy honorary nie etc, but -- if you have no resources, then even if you somehow get them... jgy is paranoid, he feels he can't fully trust even the man he considers his closest friend, he's trapped in the way he's perceived by the society. meanwhile, the nie clan is trapped in their own way of cultivation that they can't abandon because you don't just abandon the way of your ancestors, even if you're literally cultivating yourself to death.

cool!!!

anyway

nmj 🤝 nhs : losing yourself in rage and revenge on the person that murdered your family member, except that family member would have died either way, except you realized way way wayyyyy too late, and by the time the murderer is dead you don;t really have anything to be happy about

[narhinafan]

shipping in Boruto is so fucking stupid. We should focus on the story not who Boruto fucking fucks.

I mainly dislike Shipping for that reason. I see people care more about who Naruto fucks than his fucking happiness or his story.

It's funny how people think a ship being cannon makes the story bad. How did NH worsen Naruto? By giving Naruto a beautiful and devoted wife and a good ending? (I bet most people forgot that Kiba can use Shadow clones)

Most people who ship SnS know it's a toxic relationship, no wonder they are the worst humans to exist. Sns is my brotp, stop ruining it with your gay fetish shit (Because to me, Naruto is my closest Friend).

People who shop NS wanted a god awful shonen wife trope while Ignoring that Sakura loves Sasuke and sees Naruto as just a friend. Don't get me started on the Girlfriend/Sai excuse because if this is how you validate your ship than it's not a worth while ship.

Look you can ship the fuck you want but some ships don't deserve the light of day in cannonical continuity.

Shipping is just another way to enjoy the series of course it shouldn't ruin the story either.

Like there are times I feel the ship ends up running things SasuSaku a prime example we got a trainwreck of a relationship, Gaiden was not the best story overall I think the writing could have gone much better if they didn't force SasuSaku or were willing to go down a darker path. While in Boruto Sarada's potential is just wasted badly and her character isn't that good, but they seem intent on keeping in the plot. While other better written characters don't get as much focus nor achieve their full potential. There are also ships that honestly add to the plot if they happen as it gives an excuse to involve a good character more, but also more writing opportunities.

Of course in most series the pairing shouldn't make the series itself bad I have had plenty of series where the ship I liked most didn't sail and while I do think they missed many good opportunities still enjoy the series and find the writing well done overall. However those are in cases where I find the ships that happened at least reasonable with good writing behind it.

For example if NaruSaku happened that would ruin Naruto quite a bit as the series has been about a boy was starved for love and never knew proper affection getting with someone who treats him harshly, but also in love with someone else. Like you said it does not deserve the light of canon the writing of the pairing is just bad it paints an unhappy future for our MC which is not what we want.

NaruHina however is a give and take relationship where both get what they need from each other plus and makes up for all the suffering in their back stories. The ship itself works out perfectly and is a good way to wrap up the stories of two characters with similar sad back stories by making them end up happy together. Their pairing and love story compliments their back story and overall plot. Having Naruto who in chapter 1 was more or less completely alone end up with a family of his own with someone who truly loves him and gives him everything he never had growing up as a ending was masterful writing.

[tavina-writes]

I started writing an essay in the tags of a post that was not strictly related to this topic but started getting me thinking and realized I should just. Make my own post about this because I have kind of been sitting on this frustration for a while? And mmmm idk how to feel about this.

(For the record, the post that inspired this is this one.)

I want to make it clear UPFRONT that I am not knocking on ANYONE's interpretations of NHS or about having gender headcanons about a character in general. I think people can headcanon NHS as whichever gender they like because those interpretations are fun and exciting and I like to read about those too.

What I have been getting progressively iffy on, and am not entirely clear on how to express until I came across the above post is the idea that 'NHS is femme-coded because he has femme-coded hobbies' or 'NHS is very gender/gender nonconforming because he likes to paint and doesn't like exercise/practice his saber' or 'NHS is not very masc in comparison to his brother and people in his society put him down/are irritated with him/react to him differently because his gender presentation is more femme.'

And I think what's always kind of boggled me about interpretations like these that I've mentioned above is because...

Hobbies like keeping birds* and painting and calligraphy and poetry** and being well dressed and fashionable*** were strongly masculine coded scholar gentry hobbies for bored rich men**** in historical China. People react to NHS they way they do in text (at least from what I can understand of the social norms of the MDZS jianghu) because NHS is determined to be a particularly foppish dandy and also yknow, actively wailing about his many problems.

So, I think the tldr of this is that: NHS can be interpreted as whatever gender people would like! But his society and his peers and the other characters are not reacting to him in a certain way because he's femme-coded, they're reacting to him that way because he's an irritating asshole and kind of foppish (affectionate)

*keeping birds (as pets and not like, just raptors for hunting) was a rich man's hobby in Ancient China from at least the Zhou dynasty, though which birds were popular as pets (everything from parrots to orioles) differed depending on the dynasty, but the Ming and Qing dynasties were extremely big on pet birds in rich people's houses in particular.

**it is unclear if NHS is particularly good at say, painting or calligraphy OR poetry but the point is that he appears to like these things

***men's fashion has been a wild beast throughout the ages both in the east and the west, and men have done things for fashion like wearing gaudy archer's rings to show off archery skills they didn't have, high heels, Song dynasty men wore flowers in their hair, and my own personal unfavorite: the Qing Dynasty queue.

****the four gentlemanly arts were for example: qin qi shu hua -- playing the qin (music), weiqi (Go if you want to use the Japanese name for the game), shu (calligraphy), and hua (painting). See brief wikipedia summary about the four arts here. There were different things also included in the education of an aristocratic gentleman in pre-imperial China but we have no time to delve into that in this post. HMU for more info if you want it because I love to talk about historical things.

[piperslovebot]

NO hate, I promise, but I'm just genuinely curious why you dislike steroline! You're definitely not alone---most people seem to hate them even if they don't really ship Caroline or Stefan with anyone else :)

There are a lot of reasons and I actually wrote a meta on this a year or two ago, but I can’t find it :(

But I’m down to write something long and nice so here it is Nonnie!

I tried to like Steroline because I didn’t hear a lot of things about them (good and bad). And I’d read fic for them but I just couldn’t get into them as a couple.

And honestly even as a brotp, I feel like the whole "healthiest" friendship take is completely false (to me at least).

In season 2, they were adorable. They had such sweet interactions and great chemistry. But the scene in 2x13 when Stefan goes to Care’s house to check on her is when I’m like "okay, they’re cute". Stelena and Forwood are my otps but this moment was cute af. The only thing I didn’t like about their arc in that season was the fact that they replaced Stefonnie's dynamic with them, when they all could’ve just been a trio.

After that is where it changes. They don’t really have a lot of interaction in season 3. Caroline is all about Tyler and there’s that whole triangle with Klaus. While Stefan was all about Elena and kissed Rebekah.

Season 4, they were cute but not as great as season 2. Like I don’t wanna say Care has a "hero worship" of Stefan (but I understand that criticism), but she did take his side more than necessary.

For example, her pushing Elena back to Stefan constantly. Disregarding the fact that Elena is in a very shitty place mentally when it comes to dealing with her hunger. It just seems like she took Stefan's side over Elena's, the girl she grew up with.

Also the whole thing where Caroline just joined in with Stefan and had Tyler's friend killed. AND ratting out Tyler’s plan to Stefan. Literally why? I get her pov but also the whole “Scooby gang vs everyone else” narrative sucks.

Then the fact that after all of that stuff Caroline does for Stefan, what does he do in return? He makes her work with Klaus. Klaus, who stabbed Caroline with a lamp and bit her because she talked back at him, and sent her bf out of town. Given how close they are, Stefan should’ve known about this, but did he care? Nope. Elena getting cute was first to everything else for him.

Season 5 is where they start to get annoying for me, but there’s the fact that Caroline is literally so trapped in her own world that she doesn’t notice that Bonnie is dead nor that Stefan was drowning in a safe. Elena gets called out for the latter, but she also had a bad feeling and when she found out, took action immediately. What exactly did Caroline do? I mean she wanted to help with Stefan's PSTD ig.

Then there’s the infamous Stefan PUNCHING Tyler scene and then him and Caroline's being dipshits and all smiley. For starters, Tyler had every right to be angry and just wanted Caroline to leave him alone. But somehow he gets turned into the bad guy by those dumbasses.

Also Stefan saying that Tyler almost killed Caroline (When he didn’t. He just wanted her to leave him alone.) while having her interact with Klaus and Damon who have done way worse than try to kill her and Stefan knows that (besties after all). He only cared when it was convenient.

Then there’s Season 6, where Stefan leaves town to grieve his brother and then Caroline calls him a "dick" for not returning her calls. Which okay, that wasn’t very wise, but Stefan’s brother DIED and he was grieving. And all Caroline cared about what was SHE needed. She needed him blah blah. Also she didn’t care about Stefan while he was out with Klaus and didn’t notice him drowning and trapped in a safe, so I think I can cute Stefan some slack here.

Then apparently she’s mad at him for not having feelings for her, something he can’t control. Doesn’t invite him to Friendsgiving, but invites her RAPIST there. Also don’t even get me started to the nh!plotline.

I can go on all day, but this essay is already very long so I’ll just stop right here.

[cuckoo-among-beasts]

what's your thoughts on jgy?

anon || random ask

I'm going to assume this ask for me, the mun, and not Huaisang, since I believe we're all pretty aware of what he thinks of JGY xD

What do I think about JGY? That's a complex, but also not complex, question. First of all, I do like the character, he is definitely well made and I love how he has done a lot of good stuff. The reason behind why he did the good things, I'm going to leave up to each person to decide. I personally think that some was due to genuine care and some was to further his position. However, this does not excuse the bad things he did. I'm not going to list those since I assume that you, the reader and/or anon, already knows this as well, but I especially dislike the innocent people he sent to their death (which includes the prostitutes involved in his father's death).

I know what some of you might say now, that Huaisang too killed innocents, but I personally disagree about that. MXY was probably an innocent, but Huaisang did not force his hand. How much he influenced him is unknown, but in the end, he didn't force his hand. Was it wrong of him to influence him? Probably, all depending on to what level he did so. And then there's Yi City, which I don't think Huaisang can be viewed as guilty for, that was XY.

Though, I do also think that pretty much as bad as killing innocents is killing "family" and that was what JGY did by playing Turmoil for NMJ. Should NMJ have kicked him down the stairs? No. But by then he wasn't really himself anymore either and tbh I wanted to slap JGY then too with the shit that came out of his mouth. Hurting in disguise of helping like that, like JGY did with NMJ, that is one of the worst things you can do imo. I'm very much about loyalty and that act was very disloyal, even if he also, in a way, were filial by doing so. Which is also something I find important, but I do draw my line for loyalty (to friends and family) when it comes to hurting others for personal or familial gain.

Do I understand JGY's reasoning and motivation behind his actions? Yes, I think so. The way he had been treated by many was wrong, very much so, but that still doesn't excuse murder.

Oh and while I'm at it, he said he never planned or had hurt LXC, I disagree. Why? Because he used a Lan technique to kill NMJ. He used something LXC had taught him, twisted it by changing a part (also found with the Lans) to kill their sworn brother. He used a gift to do an action he knew LXC would be against and I see that as hurting someone too (just like NHS made LXC stab JGY, even if that didn't technically kill him, at least not in the novels, I've heard it's different in CQL).

Did all of this made JGY deserve to get killed? No, but I'm also against death penalties and murder of any kind. I do think he deserved to be locked away for the rest of his life. Though, what I wish the most is that he didn't have to have gone to such lengths. That JGY had told his sworn brothers about what JGS wanted him to do, even if that would've caused a war.

[dream-meister-translations]

TILIA - VOICE COLLECTION

━

"Master, where are you going? …To buy a stuffed animal? Can I come with you?"

"Master is such a good girl… It's boring… Let's do something bad, shall we?"

"Once you peel off the skin, human beings are all full of malice. Master is no exception… Right?"

"Mmm~♪… I love it… I can smell the stench of evil on you. "

"You're not tryna do good things again today, are you? Don't you ever get tired of it, Master~?"

"I like bad boys~…"

"Huh, you're tired, aren't you?"

"I wouldn't have minded losing. That would have been just fine."

"Ooh-La-La. Isn't that a shame, Master~?"

"Ugh… Can't I skip the search? It's not like it's gonna make a difference if they go alone…"

"Hmm? Exploration, you say~? We can go, but… I wouldn't get your hopes up."

"Inside the Master Key is a really mysterious place, huh? It's… Strangely cozy~…"

"Great job on the search~! What did I think about it? I don't ever wanna go back♪!"

"Everyone seems to have such different pasts~ Well, that has nothing to do with me~!"

"Now's the time to be the good guy!"

"Nh~… I can't breathe whenever I'm with you master~ …Don't smile at me like that. I don't like it."

"…Hm, I guess the essence of human nature is absolutely evil after all, huh?"

"I'm laughing my ass off at the idea that humans are 'good'. Because there's all kinds of things wrong with you, really."

"You don't have to be good anymore. Why don't we just do whatever bad things we want? Everyone's evil after all!"

"Master is such a stubborn human, isn't she? I'll definitely break through that good guy facade of yours one day."

━

TILIA : It's impossible to convert a human being into something good… I mean look at you, you're a hypocrite and a creep. ALMA : Don't say that! You can understand anyone if you talk to them! There's no such thing as a bad guy!

━

TILIA : Just is a revolutionary~… At least, you say that, but then you end up doing whatever you want. Isn't that kind of… Evil? JUST : If that's what you think, then watch!! I'll show you exactly where my glorious revolution will lead! And how it will end!

━

TILIA : Hmm… If you look closely at Navi… He's actually really soft and fluffy… Like a stuffed animal… NAVI : H-Hey! Can you stop staring at me with that weird look on your face!? It's giving me the creeps!

━

NAVI : Ugh, it's so gloomy and my hair's getting all sticky. Can we go home nowww? TILIA : I guess so. We've worked hard enough, right? Let's quit it for today.

━

TILIA : If we don't come back with results, we might just get thrown away. NAVI : Oh, that's fine. It's not like we matter anyway, right? We're just helpless fairies★

━

NAVI : Searching for the truth~★! I think there could be no greater cause for Tilia and me~, wouldn't you agree~? TILIA : That's true. Though I think you not just giving up the search is commendable enough on its own.

━

TILIA : Fromm is such a wimp, always scared that he's gonna mess everything up. Well just mess everything up anyway. It'll be easier that way. FROMM : Eh!? No way, I can't do it! I'm as worthless as a stone in the ocean. I don't have the guts…

━

JUST : These fluffy treats are getting sparse… I should've packed some more before we left! TILIA : You shouldn't worry so much. It's not like we need to work that hard on these searches, do we? Let's just skip it this time~

━

JUST : Mmm!? If you look closely, you can seee that Tilia's tail is… No. No. We must concentrate on our search for now! TILIA : Lykos's is fluffier. Please, give him all the pets he deserves~! I don't care if he doesn't like it!

━

TILIA : Hey, hey, Fromm? We've done enough exploring, can we take a break now~? FROMM : Eh? Well… We still need to finish exploring this area, so we can't take a break yet…

━

JUST : Tilia! My fellow revolutionary! Thanks to you, we have truly achieved something we can be proud of! TILIA : Huh? You really think you can just say what you want, don't you~? Well, I don't like it and that's just fine by me.

━

TILIA : Fromm, let's slack off. If you work too hard, you'll make Master worry. And you don't want that do you~? Hmm~♪ FROM : What? Oh, is that so… But I've always been a bit of a liability… I want to do my best today…

━

FROMM : What!? Tilia! You weren't just lying to the humans, but me as well…!? TILIA : I thought Master would get upset if Fromm skipped work… Ugh… They're so boring.