#WOULD IT HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING HARD TO JUST SEND ME A REJECTION VOICEMAIL?

[androdragynous]

literally going to kill my eye doctor I have been waiting years to hear back from an organisation that offers services to the blind that I NEED A MEMBERSHIP FROM TO BE ABLE TO GET TRANSPORT AS A DISABLED PERSON IN MY AREA and they've been ghosting me this whole fucking time because in 2023 in an appointment where I could not physically keep my eyes open without uncontrollable weeping my eye doctor said that while I couldn't drive I also want blind because we couldn't physically complete the fucking eye exam and nobody deigned to mention this to me until the organization I called months ago to ask for home support assessment called to say they also don't have shit or fuck they can offer me except to say that the organization ghosting mf has more options that I AM APPARENTLY NOT BLIND ENOUGH TO FUCKING HAVE

FOR

YEARS

[kahluamystery97]

Satellite (HS x OC)

 Chapter One  (March 2021)

“Cmon baby, pick up." Harry Styles muttered to himself. Each unanswered ring of the phone frazzled his already fraught nerves. As he resigned himself to being relegated to voicemail the line came alive. 

"Hello.” Her greeting more of a question. 

"Hi, uh, hi um, thanks for answering.” Harry was suddenly at a loss for words. Fumbling and unsure what to say next he blurts, "I just, I won tonight. I won a Grammy."

"I uh, I know. Congratulations. I was watching.” She admitted quietly. 

She knows. She was watching. Harry’s heart nearly leapt from his chest. He pushed down the fear of her rejecting him and boldly decided to say what he was feeling. 

"To celebrate this win without you feels so hollow though.  So much of this is because of you." 

“Harry.’ She said his name like a warning. 

He knew he was pushing his luck. He couldn’t stop now. Harry braved it. 

"You helped more than you know.  You let me adore you," He played on the song he had written for her. The line was silent.  

Her laugh was flat and angry. “Just me? Did you call Colette first or is she next?" 

Harry swallowed hard. He deserved that. "I'm sorry this isn't where I wanted this call to go. I wanted to ask you to come tonight. To celebrate. Be with me.  Just having a little thing. We don't have to have any complicated conversations. Just come and be beside me. Celebrate with me."

Maggie Dunne felt her gut twist into knots. Had she had any significant amount of food in her system she was sure she would vomit. She picked up the phone to congratulate him. This was a big moment in his career. She genuinely cared that he should have a good night. She did not expect an invite out. 

Maggie knew if she wasn’t careful she could be sucked right back into his orbit only to be spit out again.  She surprised even herself when she said, "Text me the details. I'll try. I'm not even dressed."

"Wear whatever you like. It isn't a giant thing. Everyone will be so happy to see you. I could send a car for you." He offered hoping that would guarantee her turning up.

"I can get my own car." Just like that she hung up the phone. She had no idea why the fuck she was considering this. Things between Maggie and Harry hadn’t always been so complicated.

This is just a teaser. I wrote this story ages ago. I started it right after Harry won his first Grammy. I shared a really rough version of it a long time ago on here and it didn't have too many followers. I thought since the place seemed sort of quiet I would give it a rewrite and see if anyone was interested in it. It is more for me than anyone else. Just to prove that I haven't totally let all of my creativity die while I toil away in corporate America. Hope you enjoy it (more to come).

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

This is two parts because I got carried away. I wrote this on my phone and proof read as much as I could.

Warnings: cheating, male masturbation, m/f sex, minor spoilers for “Defending Jacob”.

——————————————————————————————

Plain Gold Ring

“Plain gold ring on his finger he wore

It was where everyone could see

He belonged to someone, but not me

On his hand was a plain gold ring”

-Nina Simone

When the Barbers moved to your building every old bitty in the place was buzzing with excitement. You had loosely followed Jacob Barber’s case as it played out on the evening news. The whole thing was bizarrely too neat and tidy for your liking. You tried to stay out of idle gossip as much as possible. But, when you heard Andy Barber was interviewing for a senior position at your firm, you had questions.

Andy was brought in to interview for a position that you were also interested in. You requested a meeting with your boss and you went in guns blazing. Your poor boss was not ready for all the excitement.

“Am I still being considered for junior partner?”

“Y/n, calm down.” When he saw you winding yourself up, he popped an antacid an a few ibuprofen.

“Calm down? Calm down he says. I’ve been with this firm since I clerked for you in Law school, Stan. I’m the best fit for this role and you know it.”

“I know you are, kid. I’ve been out voted.”

It’s common knowledge that the partners don’t want too many women gunning for their jobs. They already have one token female partner. They didn’t feel the need to add another. You were infuriated. You stomped back to your office and slammed the door.

All of the work you put in. All of the late nights. You don’t have time to even date. And all for what? You had to calm down now because you were starting to cry out of sheer frustration. You took a deep breath and started going through your to do list. With a relatively light schedule you decided to leave for the day. You mumbled something to your assistant about a doctors appointment and headed for the elevator.

You saw some of the senior partners headed your way shaking hands with Andy. You pressed the elevator button furiously trying to avoid them. Could you make it down seventeen flights of stairs in your stilettos? The elevator dinged and you jumped on just as Robert called your name.

As soon as you put your car in gear, your assistant called. You sent her to voicemail. She called again. Declined. Finally she texted call me back ASAP. Emergency. Fuck.

“Caitlan I said I had an appointment. What’s the emergency?”

“Sorry. Mr. Cramer insisted I call. He’s standing by my desk” she whispered. “They want you to have lunch with them today. Maybe it’s about the job.”

“Did you see guy shaking hands with them? That’s the new junior partner. They are asking me to lunch to reject me. Fuck! Where?” You rested your head against the steering wheel.

“Commander’s at 1:00.”

“Fine.” you groaned.

You went home to freshen up and send out your updated resume. You made sure to include “Willing to relocate” at the end to broaden your prospects. You had a friend in Chicago who worked for a very high profile firm. They were always looking for new blood. You shot her a text to let her know you were looking then emailed your resume. The prospect of starting over completely made you nauseous. You would have to go through the ranks and probably waist another five years to get exactly where you were right now.

When you arrived at the restaurant the maître d brought you to the table where Stan, several other senior partners and Andy were waiting. Andy stood up to pull out your chair.

“Gentleman. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Sit down, Y/N. We wanted to introduce you to Andrew Barber.”

“Andy. Please call me Andy. It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N. These guys haven’t stopped talking about you all morning.”

“All good things I hope.” The men laughed and ordered a round of martinis. Good thing you ate a big lunch at home. No one likes a sloppy drunk girl.

“Yes. Well, Y/N, as you may not know Andy has accepted the junior partner position. We would love if you brought him up to speed on anything you’re working on and show him the ropes.”

You were seething. “Of course Mr. Cramer. Happy to.”

“Oh. Good. Let’s order huh? I’m starving.”

You were silent for the rest of lunch ordering two more martinis very dry and a salad. Dressing on the side of course. The men spoke loudly and never even tried to include you in the conversation. You excused yourself to use the restroom. Andy, ever the gentleman, stood up at the same time.

You didn’t go back. Not that it would have mattered. You ordered an Uber and checked your email. You didn’t notice Andy at the valet stand.

“I’m headed back to the office. Need a ride?” he called to you.

“No. I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” He watched you pace back and forth reading a message almost out loud.

You didn’t look up from your phone. “Shit.” You scowled looking at the screen. You dialed Caitlan’s extension. “Caitlan, Sloan Treadaway’s deposition was moved to today. I need it pushed to Monday.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I figured you would be coming back so I told them it was ok to push it up. I can call them back.”

“No. Don’t bother. I’m on my way back.”

“Looks like you can use a ride after all.” Andy was grinning from ear to ear.

He held the door and rushed around to the other side. You pulled a small bag out of your purse. You freshened your hair, popped some breath mints, lotioned and spritzed away the smell of booze. Andy thought this must be commonplace for you. It’s not easy trying to run with the guys. He could walk into this deposition piss drunk and most people wouldn’t care. You had to be perfect. He always hated that aspect of working in a big firm like this.

“Sorry. I’ll pay to have your car cleaned.” It smelled like you now. Expensive perfume and minty breath. Sweet but not sickly so. He inhaled letting his nostrils flair breathing you in. “Don’t want your wife to be pissed.”

“Lori? Don’t worry about her. She’ll understand.”

“How is she doing with her job search?”

“Doing ok. Thanks for asking. She’s interviewed with a few places.”

“She worked for a non profit right?” When he looked at you quizzically, you quickly explained yourself. “I hear things. Anyway. I know the director of a non profit organization that might be a great fit for her. I’ll pass along her information.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate it. Stan told me you were the front runner for this position. I know how hard it is for women in this industry. I want to say how sorry I am…”

“Let me stop you there. First of all, don’t be sorry. You’re high profile and a damn good litigator. They would be stupid not to offer you the moon. You’re over qualified for this job. You didn’t come here gunning for me. I’ll be fine. Besides, a few of these old bags have one foot in the grave. It won’t be long for me.”

Andy smiled at you but still kind of felt like shit at the way the firm treated you. When you pulled into the garage you offered a quick thanks and rushed into the building to prepare.

Andy stayed behind for a bit. He spent a few precious moments breathing in your scent, letting it linger and wash over him. He hoped his clothes would smell a little like you. Stan said you were a “fire cracker”. Andy always hated that analogy. He knew by the way the group of men talked about you that he would like you. Your quick banter in the car confirmed it. Throughout the rest of the day you would invade his thoughts. He and Lori were still married but their relationship was long over. You had excited him more in a couple of hours than she had in years. When he got home he didn’t eat dinner or speak to anyone. He went right to his room where he replayed your exchange over and over. The ghost of your perfume lingered on his shirt. Both of your scents mixed together gave him a raging hard on. He kept your shirt over his face while he fisted his cock.

——————————————————————

The next morning you decided to face the day with a fresher attitude. Sometime yesterday you heard from your friend. She was thrilled that you reached out to her. She has been trying to get you out there for a while. Knowing that you had a solid backup plan was giving your hair volume and clearing your skin.

You thought you were early but Andy was already in your office waiting for you.

“Morning, Mr. Barber.” God he loved how you said that.

He scoffed, “Andy. Please. I brought you a coffee. I hope it’s ok. I got your order from Caitlan. I thought we’d order in lunch today. We have a lot of ground to cover. You should probably let your family know you’ll be missing dinner.”

“I don’t think my dead ficus will worry too much.” Your tone was dry.

“I apologize for the assumption.”

“Not necessary. Though my mother and my therapist would both be pleased to know that I look like someone who could have a family.”

You were funny. You seemed to say whatever thought popped into your head. You had one hell of a poker face though. He didn’t know if you were trying to be funny or if this was just you. When you didn’t look up from your computer screen he didn’t laugh.

As the day wore on you warmed up to him a little. You filled him in on the three big cases you were working on. You were actually going to trial on a very important case soon. He insisted you rehearse your opening statement a hundred times.

During the third run through Andy’s phone was blowing up. He finally turned it off and told you to keep going. He watched you pace around the room and coached you on your stance. “Stand with authority not arrogance.” He chided. He showed you himself then, asked if he could touch your shoulders. “Round them out like this. Good. Back straight. See?” he pointed to your reflection in the window, “It’s not menacing or arrogant. But you look like you’re in charge. You look perfect.” Hell. Was he flirting with you? By the time you looked at the clock it was 9:30.

“Fuck is that the time?” he said with a boisterous yawn.

“Shit. We should pick this up tomorrow.”

“Let’s go get a drink. I’m buying.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m sure your wife and kiddo are dying to see you.”

He stacked some folders neatly on your desk and looked up at you through his lashes, “I’ll be sure to tell my therapist that I look like a guy who has a happy marriage and a good relationship with his kid.”

Your cheeks heated. The way he was looking at you made you sad but it also warmed your insides. “I’m sorry.” you mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. We said we would stay together until Jacob went away to school. He pretends to ignore the fact that we have separate bedrooms. We put on happy faces everyday. We’re a typical American family.”

You laughed at his admission. His whole story was so fucked up. You wanted to know everything about him. “You know, I think I will let you buy me a drink.”

“Good girl.” he said in a low voice that went strait to your core. The whole way to the car you repeated a mantra in your head reminding you not to get involved with a married man. It didn’t matter how unhappy they were. But you wanted him. Every time he touched you, your insides would quake.

The bar was packed with regulars from the DA’s office and other firms. You introduced Andy around. The guy was a legitimate pro. He was so smooth working the room. The whole time he kept finding small ways to touch you. The brush of his fingers on your arm his breath against your ear when he asked if wanted another drink. Your heart nearly stopped. You stuck with him for a while until your feet couldn’t stand anymore. Every time he caught your eye from across the room he winked at you.

For the first time in a long time Andy was enjoying himself. Your friends were fun and not at all stuffy like he thought this crowd would be. You were adorable. Your laugh was cute. The way you brushed against him on purpose was cute. You were openly flirting with him the more you drank. He had a massive crush on you. What grown man has a crush these days. He thought maybe if he fucked you and got it out of his system he’d get over it.

Your friend Liz sat down at your table trying to talk to you for a solid minute before you noticed. “Sorry. I was distracted. What were you saying?” She threw her head back laughing at you.

“I said you two would make a gorgeous couple.”

“Stop. He’s married.”

“Happily?”

“That doesn’t matter. Married is married.”

“So that’s a no. He’s been eye fucking you all night. Shoot your shot, darling. We get so few in this life.” The light hit his wedding ring just right making you feel horrible for even entertaining the thought. Do not get involved. You kept chanting it in your head over and over until Andy slid in the booth next to you. He leaned over so he could talk over the din of the crowd.

“Hey, you. Wanna get out of here?”

“You don’t need to bring me home, Andy. I can catch an Uber.” That was such a ridiculous statement since you lived in the same building.

“That’s not what I asked. I said do you wanna get out of here?” His eyes were fixed on your mouth. A salacious grin splayed across his lips just knowing you’d give in.

“Andy. I….” You stuttered over your words. Your brain stopped working when you felt his warm breath on the shell of your ear. “Let’s get out of here.” Your breath hitched in your chest when he touched the small of your back. He payed his tab and lead you out of the bar.

You held hands in the car. His thumb rhythmically traced patterns on your knuckles. Every touch sent bolts of arousal to your aching cunt. It felt electric. You were ready to crawl into his lap by the time you made it into the garage. He parked in his spot and followed behind you to the elevator. You lived two floors below him. You glanced back at Lori’s sensible suv next to his car and felt embarrassed. He caught you looking and stopped you in your tracks. He took your chin in between his thumb and index finger forcing you to look at him.

“I understand if you don’t want to invite me in. I’m asking a lot of you. But I really like you, Y/N. You are funny and intimidatingly smart. And, fuck me, you are fucking stunning. I can go to work tomorrow like nothing happened. Don’t worry about Lori. Worry about what this means working together. Can you handle this?”

Your brain was no longer working and deferred to your pussy for any and all further decisions. You had not had even mediocre sex in six months. You just knew Andy was going to blow your mind. All day you have been working together so well. You challenged each other and he encouraged you when you faltered. Would this change the dynamic at work? Absolutely. Could you handle it? You’re damn right you could.

“I can handle it.”

“Good girl.” You all but sprinted to the elevator. He wouldn’t touch you until you actually got inside of your apartment and closed the door. When you did, he pushed against you and covered your lips with his.

You tasted the golden flavor of beer on his tongue as it probed your mouth. He unbuttoned your blouse and pushed it over your shoulders letting it hit the floor. He kissed his way down the column of your neck to the swell of your breasts. You panted underneath him raking your nails through his hair.

“God you smell incredible. At any point if you don’t want this….”

“Andy, shut up and fuck me.” He growled low in his throat before he picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. You could see how hard he was through his impeccably tailored slacks. You unzipped his fly and took the whole throbbing appendage in your mouth.

“Fuck, baby yes.” he hissed. You relaxed your throat muscles and swallowed him deeper. “You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He moaned your name over and over soaking your panties. “Stop, honey. Let me see that pretty pussy.”

He eased you down onto the bed and undressed you painfully slow. It had been so long since he was intimate with someone, he wanted to take his time. He started with your feet removing your heels and massaging your insteps. His hands ran up the length of your legs to your skirt. He took off your panties first letting the skirt material pool around your waist. “So wet for me. So beautiful.” He slipped two fingers in between your folds hitting everywhere but your clit. He built up a tortuous rhythm that had you begging for relief. He smiled down at you watching completely fall apart. When he dipped his fingers inside of you, you were done. Your orgasm spilled out in one glorious cry. Before you could catch your breath he pulled off your skirt and unhooked your bra. His cock was weeping at the sight of you. A large hand held the back of your neck holding your head in place so you could look at him. Your eyes locked as he buried himself inside of you. There were no more words as he moved inside of you. Only breathless moans and sighs would escape your lips. He increased his pace and your orgasm started building again.

“Fuck. Andy, I’m….fuck!”

“I’m with you, honey. Come with me.” His words were your undoing. You latched your whole body onto him. He held you tight whispering praises in your ear. He kissed you slow and deep easing you back down to Earth. “You ok?”

“I think so.” You both laughed at the sight of yourselves. Sweat glistening off of your skin, lips puffy and kiss swollen. He eased off of you and rubbed your thighs to relax you. You thought he would get dressed and rush out but he crawled under the covers instead.

“Can I stay for a while?” Big arms pulled you down to his chest. He stroked your back softly to help you drift off to sleep.

“I’d like it if you did.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of your head and let his eyes flutter closed.

When dawn found you a few hours later, you were still tangled with each other. You jolted awake panicking because Andy was still in your bed. “Andy, wake up. You stayed all night.”

“I know. What time is it?”

“6:45.”

“Then we have time. Go back to sleep.”

“But Lori…”

“I told you not to worry about her. Get back on this pillow and let me hold you. Please.” The poor guy was so touch starved you guessed. Andy Barber was not a man who did well being single. He loved being in love. He longed for a connection. For passion. He knew those things would sometimes fizzle out of a marriage. But, with you, he couldn’t see that. Your fire matched his fire and Lori was the wet blanket that always snuffed him out.

He supposed that wasn’t really fair. Two people were in their marriage. He worked long hours and spent very little time doing anything but being an ADA and being a dad. He didn’t give the same dedication to being Lori’s partner. The stress of this past year pushed them further apart. He felt obligated to be with her. It was his idea to stay together for Jacob’s sake. He regretted pushing for it.

He pulled you close to his body and wrapped an arm around your waist. He nuzzled your hair and fell back to sleep. You did too.

[redhoodieone]

My Best Friend’s Wedding

A/N: A new one.

Plot: AU. Jason Todd and Y/N Y/LN have been best friends since they were kids. They’ve dated once, but their relationship ended in heartbreak for her when he realized he wasn’t in love. Five years later, Jason’s best friend Y/N calls out of the blue with big news: she’s getting married…in 5 days. Jason’s world suddenly turns into a million fucking problems when he realizes he’s in love with Y/N and he’ll do whatever it takes to stop the wedding. But will he succeed…or fail?    

Warnings: Language and sexual content…so far.

 It seemed like every Friday night that Jason Todd would get very drunk just to forget about the busy-ass week he’s endured. At just twenty-five years old, his life revolved around being a young, attractive playboy bachelor in Gotham’s eyes and for working with his father Bruce Wayne at Wayne Enterprises with his brothers Dick Grayson and Tim Drake, and good friend Roy Harper.

It was like every day their faces were in tabloids and on TV. Bruce had always been a womanizer and the same reputation had been passed down to the four of them. Jason knew his life was nothing but a party; a big-ass huge party with several sexy women who were never more than one-night stands.

Add billions of dollars and booze to that and Jason’s life would be set.

But this week had been nothing but a shit show for him, and it wasn’t even Friday yet. It was just a Tuesday night. After work, Roy had insisted the boys drop by Rocky’s and get shit faced before calling it a night. Rocky’s was the closest bar near Wayne Enterprises; owned by Hal Jordan, a friend of Bruce’s from college.

Zatanna, a beautiful and kind bartender, set down four shot glasses of Tequila with salt and slices of lime.

“Is there anything else I can get you boys?” Zatanna asks, leaning over the counter with her breasts aching to pop out from her white corset top.

Jason wasn’t an idiot. As buzzed as he was feeling, he knew Zatanna was just trying to hook up with him again. The last time they fucked was probably a few months ago when he needed a date for a gala Bruce was hosting.

Sure, Zatanna was a good fuck. She was definitely a screamer, clawed Jason’s back rather good to where he needed a couple of stitches, and she was willing to try anything he suggested. But she wasn’t a “constant fuck” that he wanted. A “constant fuck” was someone you wanted in your bed all the time; never caring about one being a blanket hog, kiss despite the morning breath, and always looking forward to cooking and sharing breakfast in bed.

No. No, Zatanna wasn’t a “constant fuck” at all.

There was only one girl who had earned that title and so much more.

The one important girl Jason hadn’t seen in a few years since she left him for Smallville.

“I’m good, thanks,” Jason mumbles under his breath. He downs his shot and winces at the burn before he pulls out his cell phone from his back pocket to check it.

Roy smirks and winks at her. “Oh, kitten…keep showing us those ladies and you can get us whatever you want.”

“Roy, you’re drunk,” Tim snickers.

“I’m…I’m not drunk. I’m just…friendly is all,” Roy slurs. “Now, how about I show you what I can do with my mouth? I can use my mouth all over you, gorgeous.”

Tim gasps and slaps Roy’s arm. “Roy!”

“Look, don’t take Jason’s rejection and Roy’s sexual harassment seriously, okay? They’re not bad guys,” Dick smiles and tries to do damage control.

“Whatever. The fact that you have to defend them is pathetic,” Zatanna snaps, before she rolls her eyes and moves down to check on the other regulars.

Dick, Tim, and Roy glance over at Jason with wide eyes. Jason looks up and finally notices.

“What?” Jason asks.

“Dude, you really fucked up Zatanna, didn’t you?” Dick muses.

“What the hell are you even talking about?”

“Dick is trying to say you must have really broke Zatanna’s heart for her to act so cold to us,” Tim says.

“We haven’t fucked each other since a few months ago,” Jason says defensively.

“Well, has she tried to call or text you since?” Roy asks.

Jason pouts his lips and appears to be thinking about it. “Maybe…I don’t fucking know. I blocked her number the day after we fucked.”

“Jesus Jason…” Dick sighs and shakes his head.

“What? Why are you getting on my ass for the stupidest shit, Dick?”

“Maybe because you’ve been doing nothing but screwing and upsetting chicks left and right like it’s second nature for you!”

Jason scoffs and reaches for his beer.

“Don’t fucking lecture me, dicky boy! You do the exact same shit, too!” Jason snaps.

“At least I don’t piss off and upset my chicks. God! At least have the decency to have respect or something,” Dick says.

Tim points at Jason and chuckles. “Maybe we should make a list of all the hearts Jason’s broke in all of Gotham!”

“That’s easy! Okay, there’s Isabel, Donna, Kori, and Y/N…” Roy trails off in his loud drunken voice.

Jason glares at them before looking down at his cell phone. Someone left him a voicemail. He checks his voicemail and his chest suddenly aches in familiar pain when he hears her voice.

Y/N.

“Hey guys, I’m gonna head on home. I feel like fucking shit,” Jason says, already standing up, dropping down a fifty-dollar bill, and leaving without hearing what the guys had to say.

He didn’t hear the whole message, but he knew he couldn’t listen to it there.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The moment Jason entered his penthouse, he didn’t waste anytime getting comfortable. He kicked off his shoes, slipping out of his expensive black pants and dress shirt, and getting a glass of water to soothe his burning throat from the alcohol from earlier.

In just his black boxers, Jason grabs his cell phone and enters his master bedroom to call Y/N. He clears his voice as soon as she picks up.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, hey sweetheart. I’m sorry I missed your phone call. I was at Rocky’s with the guys.”

“On a Tuesday night?” She actually fucking giggles at him. He loves hearing her giggle.

Jason smirks. “Yeah, work’s been hell, you know. Bruce and Lucius are thinking of expanding the new technology program that Tim built. They’re already thinking of sending us out to Japan, Switzerland, and wherever else they think we should go.”

“That is so cool! I wish Tim told me about his new program. Whenever he calls me, he never tells me anything. It’s always about me.”

“Well, you’re really fucking interesting, sweetheart. Now that you’re in Smallville, you must be bored out of your damn mind and you gotta have stories.”

A pause.

“Sweetheart? You still there?” Jason asks nervously. He’s immediately worried about the sudden silence.

“I’m still here. Sorry…” Y/N’s voice is soft and uneasy.

“Are you okay? Did something happen over there? Does Clark Kent need to get his ass kicked? Because I’ll tell Bruce, and he fucking would beat his ass for you, Y/N.”

“No! No, Clark has been great. He’s been very wonderful to me. He’s helped me out a lot here since starting out at the Daily Planet and everything. Everything is amazing…so amazing.” Her voice is lovely and sounds as if she’s…in love.

“Sounds to me as if you already met a guy, Y/N. I thought you were there to work; not date,” Jason jokes. He’s suddenly uncomfortable now.

“Well, that’s actually why I called you, Jason. I met someone.”

Jason pauses now. His eyes widen and his chest instantly hurts again.

“You…you did?” he chokes.

“Yeah, and oh my God, Jay…he is sooo amazing. He’s a really great guy, and you’re going to love him like I do. He’s not a bad guy. He’s loving, he’s kind, he’s funny, and he is so unbelievably sexy that I sometimes wonder why he’s even with me. But he is honesty the super guy in my life.” Y/N confesses breathlessly.

Jason exhales hard. “Really?”

“And…we’re getting married…in five days…and I want you there for me…for us.”

And just like that, Jason trips over his own feet when he tries to get to his bed to sit down.

[0risha]

THE FIRST MONTH

» CHAPTER SUMMARY : As an aspiring author in New York, life hasn’t been the easiest. To your surprise, things start to look brighter when you're met with an unexpected offer.

» TAGS : a few curse words, mentions of insecurity

⤻ series m.list  | series playlist | ⤻ the next month

“Take as much time as you need,” Draena drawls. Your brows furrow as you note that she was, indeed, being sarcastic. 

“A-are you gaslighting me,” you scoff over the line. You wait to hear a bubble of laughter from your editor/best friend but it never comes.

“Shut it.” You gulp as her tone turns hard. “What you turned in last night.” You shut your eyes in hopes of drowning out her next line. 

“Was complete shit.” 

“Gosh, you’re so rude.” You turn in your seat, propping up your glasses as your attention moves from your computer screen to your slumbering cat. “What happened to my happy, enthusiastic Rae rae?” you boast, clutching the phone closer to your ear. 

“Well, this so-called final draft made my mood go sour.” 

“Fuck, Rae- I’m trying here.” You coax, internally wincing when you catch the crawling desperation in your voice. Draena must’ve heard it too.

“I know you are babe but when you send me videos of you dancing with Yuka while Erykah Badu’s singing her heart out in the background—” her voice cuts off when you let out a snicker. 

“It’s not funny Y/N!” Draena proclaims but you hear the low laugh she lets out. “Okay, but when you send me videos of that it makes me think otherwise.” 

You hum in feigned contemplation. “But you know…. those are like my interim periods.”

“I’m hanging up on you.”

“Wait, no! Rae rae please- I was kidding,” you plead, frantically.

“Give me a better draft by the 12th an—"

“Rae rae!” Your cat turns to you, telepathically telling you to shut up with her green, narrowed eyes.

“And have a goodnight Y/N, I love you.” 

Beep.

You heave out a sigh. “She definitely doesn’t love me,” you confess to the air. “Yuka baby,” you sing, patting your lap; a signal for her to jump on.

“But you do…. I just know you do.” You coo, rubbing the scruff of Yuka’s white-haired neck as she curls into you.

“Yuka…. why does the world hate me so much?” You take your pair of glasses from your face and throw them on your desk. 

“And my head hurts…..” you whine. “And m’ so hungry.” 

You hear Yuka purr in agreement.

“Ugh, Yuka, back home they had such good ramen.” You sigh wistfully, turning to glare at the microwaveable ramen cup that sat in your trash.

“I miss it.” You divert your gaze from the trash to your office window to watch a trail of rain pellets zig-zag across the glass. Dark, heavy clouds farther up in the background. 

New York’s current weather didn’t help with your somber mood. 

“M’ gonna take you there one day, I promise.” You sniffle, unwanted emotions welling up in your chest. 

“You know who I want you to meet!” You raise an index finger idly in the air. “Want you to meet my brother, he loves cats. Have I told you that, Yuka?” Your mood instantly flips as you remember your older sibling. Though, it drops just the same when you get no response. It wasn’t like you were gonna get one anyway. 

With the piercing silence in your apartment, your mind starts to wander to forbidden thoughts. To straggly blonde hair, dark amber e—

“No!” Yuka jerks up when you do. “I’m not doing this tonight.” You push up from your chair, Yuka mewling in rejection. “Sorry, baby, come cuddle with me in bed.” You take one last guilty glance at your computer before walking to your bedroom. Groaning when your body hits your not so soft mattress. You pat the sheets for signs of Yuka’s body but to no avail. With a roll to the side of your bed, you see her glued to the floor. “You’re so spoiled,” you grunt, taking her in your arms and plopping her next to you. 

“Goodnight Yuka.” You get a nuzzle in response. 

When your eyes close and the rest of the world fades, you end up dreaming of him.

Well, it’s not just him. It’s more of an uncatchable blur of moments together. 

Your entry at the local girl’s volleyball workshop that you had eventually begged your mother to quit because you were terrible at it. 

The teasing words he would throw at you because of your non-ability to even set a ball. How his brother would force him to apologize after seeing the tears that stained your brown, pudgy cheeks.

Unsurprisingly, Aran was too caught up in his little world to even care but they were glee-full memories, nonetheless. 

Although, as if your subconscious was in tune with your wants, your dreams didn’t stray too far, cutting right off before that summer. 

The next morning, you’re pulled out of your sleep by Yuka’s insistent scratching against your chest.

“Damn it, Yuka, don’t scratch my nipple off,” you grunt. When you open your eyes, you’re forced to squint due to the harshness of the sun that filters through your bedroom blinds. 

With a sigh, you roll over to grab your phone, groaning when the bright light hits your sensitive eyes. You didn’t have any texts from Draena, which made you happy and sad at the same time. Usually, if Draena sent texts, they were pleas for a new draft or implied words of motivation that were sometimes laced with venom; the absence of emoticons always a telltale sign. 

However, Draena was the only person that bothered to text you, so it did brighten your day a teensy bit when she did. Aran didn’t text, at all, and if you didn’t know better you would think that he physically couldn’t, but he just took joy in speaking on the phone.

“She’s really mad at me huh, Yuka.” You throw your phone on the pile of sheets when you rise from your bed. Body craning to relieve itself when you elongate it to an upwards stretch. Yuka does the same, her white tail thumping on the wood-like tile floor. 

“Don’t have anything to do today,” you whisper, rubbing your eyes as you drag your body to your cramped bathroom. 

When you reach for your toothbrush, you glance at your reflection in the mirror. A simple glance turns into a long, attentive stare as you try to mentally pick and prod at your appearance. You blink, silently shocked that you weren’t falling into an ether of insecurities. 

While furiously brushing your teeth, careful to avoid harsh circles on your sensitive gums, you stare vacantly at your mirrored face. As if observing for long enough would finally uprise the emotions you had grown accustomed to. 

Droopy eyes, too full lips, not the prettiest nose. 

But they never came.

And as uncanny as it sounded, you didn’t like it. You didn’t like the unfamiliarity of losing such a dear friend. One, that you had carried by your side for years on end.

After placing your toothbrush back in its rightful place, you swished a small amount of evergreen mouthwash in your mouth, letting out a wince after following it down with a swish of cold water. 

You turn to leave, but not before glancing once more at your mirror.

It’d be back soon, it had to.

After feeding Yuka a reasonable amount of catnip and changing her litter box, you plop down on your couch (which was to your dismay, missing a few springs), grab your remote, and flip to a random channel. 

After a couple of minutes into a series about fire emergencies, you found it hard to concentrate, the colors that were supposed to solidify into suitable entertainment only blurred by. You squint, but the effect only works for a second. 

Things were so bad that you couldn’t even watch television?

Though, you weren’t sure what exactly these things were. Yeah, living in this place wasn’t exactly ideal but you were gonna make it big in due time. The heavy-paged outline you’d sent in last month had been placed on the top of the Greatest Upcoming list by your publishing company. 

Perhaps, that was the case; the heavy expectations that had been placed on your already frail shoulders, albeit, you knew exactly what you were signing up for when you’d hit the submit button. You couldn’t help but think that your conflicted emotions were for an entirely different reason. 

It was frustrating not knowing what was going on with yourself. The little things that were supposed to make you happy; eating snacks, listening to your mother’s voicemails, playing with Yuka, all felt like a toll. 

However, this train of thought introduced a new one. 

A rush of impelling air flits through your apartment, before it could find the means to disappear you clamber up to your office. Well, it was more a corner of your apartment that could fit a desk than an office, but it was enough. 

Grabbing your glasses from the desk drawer and placing them right on the bridge of your nose, your fingers fly. They’re set in rhythm, thoughts that fly to your fingertips and transfer. It goes on like this for nearly two hours, your eyes burn and your joints ache but something tells you that if you were to stop now, a feeling like this wouldn’t be so easy to attain again. Rare moments like these felt like euphoria. But it always came with a price; a hook of fear that settled in your skin. The fear of writing something that wasn’t up to par. 

To your utmost dismay, your writing is interrupted by the ringing of your phone, and just like that your impel disappears. With an annoyance-filled groan, you grab the source of the noise. 

Draena.

“What! Rae rae... I can’t believe you, I had the best feeling of motivation, and my fucking fingers wer—”

“Come. Now.” Your eyebrows shoot up as Draena cuts off your impending rant, her voice low and demanding.

“Huh- to NPC, why?” Going to your publishing company was a rare occurrence, you basically worked from home. 

“Urgent news.” Draena clips.

“Why the short answers? Just tell me…” your voice trails off. As much as you hated to admit, you were terrified. What if they booted up your deadline? Or worse… 

“No, they’re not kicking you off the list because of your terrible drafts.” You release a long breath in relief. 

“So what is it?” You gnawed the bottom of your lip in trepidation. 

“You’ll see.” The line cuts.

You roll your eyes. Draena hanging up on you was starting to become an annoying habit.

With a glance at your computer screen, your eyes widen in shock. 

68,000 words.

A new record.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone knew about New York, the melting pot of all types of people, food, festivities, and yadda yadda. 

But no one seemed to know how dampening it was. To you at least. 

The difference between being in one of the most active places in the states and having nothing going for you was very...depressing. Though the thoughts of impending success snuck into your gloomy thoughts, it was driven away by impatience. 

When? When were you going to finally catch a break? When were you going to be shrouded by contentment and feel as though moving to the states was the right choice? 

These thoughts compiled onto your mind as you stared at the back of a stranger’s brown and very ugly loafers.

The metro was loud and bustling with life. Though, it didn’t hold much surprise. 

You made sure to keep your head downcast and avoid eye contact with anybody. You were lucky enough to get a seat on the train, but the regret finally started to set in when you felt another person pushing against the left of you. 

With an inaudible sigh, you close your eyes in hopes of getting a few moments of peace before you had to go to your publishing company. Draena did tell you that it wasn’t a serious matter but a gut feeling told you that it was. 

When your stop comes, you squeeze through a plethora of bodies to get out of the doors. 

The walk to your publishing company is short, your gray sweatpants and sweatshirt made it an easier trek. With your heart in your throat, you elongate your neck to stare at the company. It was nothing special, a five-storied building that looked slightly crappy on the inside. However, it was seemingly special to you. It’d housed dozens of authors esteemed with the title of best-seller and you’d be damned if you weren’t one. 

After giving yourself a speech of confidence, you enter the building. The first thing that hits you is the overbearing stench of coffee. The sweet smell of donuts, next. Which leaves you to salivate due to the absence of breakfast. 

“You can have mine if you want to.” A figure towers over yours. Michael. Your eyes flit to his face, then to the donut, he offers on a folded napkin. Your nose scrunches up in distaste. A cruller.

When you see the way his face slightly falls, you smile at him. “Thank you, Michael. I’ll make sure to eat this since I didn’t have any breakfast this morning.” As you grab the donut from his hand and your fingers brush ever so slightly, you catch the way his cheeks flush red. 

Now, you weren’t an egotistical fool but there was no way that Michael didn’t have a thing for you. But there was no way you were going to entertain him. Yeah, he was cute; short-cropped black hair, sharp cheekbones, and nice jade eyes to go with it, he wasn’t your type. It didn’t help that he was only eighteen, four years your junior. The gap wasn’t huge but it just… wasn’t your thing. 

“H-have a nice day.” He chokes out, a nervous smile adorning his pasty cheeks. 

“I will, thanks again.” With a small smile, you turn away to trudge up the stairwell. 

The stairs are rickety and downright scary. Every step you take causes a flash of childish vision in which you end up falling through. The quality of the rails didn’t help either. Renovations, maybe?

You’re pulled from your thoughts as you finally make your way through to the fifth floor. Surprisingly, this floor was tidier than the rest. More expensive printers, offices, and equipment in general. 

“Finally.” Draena cruises towards you, her expression is neutral, conveying no signs of what’s about to come. 

“Hi Rae rae,” you smile, handing her your cruller. “You look nice.” You observe her pencil skirt that fits just right on her curves, and her white button-up that makes her chest look really, really nice.

“Stop ogling my tits, you perv.” You roll your eyes at her crude language as she stuffs her face with the donut. “You look….” She ducks her head to study your attire. “Comfortable.” 

“Putting your rudeness aside.” You wave your arms. “Uh… what am I here for?” You scratch the back of your neck as a source of relief. 

Sensing your nervousness, Draena places her hands on your shoulders. “Everything’s fine, I promise. Just follow me.” She turns.

You blink out of your stupor to follow behind. Your eyes stay downcast. “Stop looking at my ass—”

Your eyes widen in shock as everyone turns to give you a perturbed stare. “W-what! Draena— I was not.” You scramble up to stand side by side with your friend, sending her an icy glare.

She gives you a low chuckle in response. “I know, I know. Just tryna get you to lighten up.” She pats your mass of curls. “Well, I hope ya did, cause we’re here.” She stops in front of the main conference room. 

She pulls your sweaty hands into her own. “You got this! Just don’t say too much because you don’t nee—”

“Huh- you’re not coming with me!” you whisper-yell, eyes moving sporadically in disbelief.

“Nope!” She springs, letting go of your hand and turning you towards the door. “Good luck, babes, call me when you’re done, I can’t wait to see your reaction.” And with that, Draena pushes a very terrified you into the conference room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Uh, Miya!” Atsumu turns to the loud reporter. “Any ladies in your life?” 

“Nah and yer crazy if you think there’s gonna be.” He gives an upturning grin as the conference room bursts into a muttering mess.

Next to him, Sakusa grunts, “you’re so damn arrogant.” Atsumu gives him a shrug in return.

“So, any past ladies you’re still willing to pine over?” Atsumu blinks once, twice. The room falls into an eerie silence as his teammates turn to peer at him. 

“Nah,” he clips. “Let’s talk about the game now.” Atsumu coughs. “We should be talking about Mr. Shoyo here, no?” The orange-haired boy flushes in embarrassment as the attention of the room shifts to him. 

When the team heads back to the locker room, the air is filled with exhaustion. The adrenaline finally slithering away as they grab their belongings. 

Meian, their team captain clambers up to Atsumu’s figure and clasps him on the shoulder. “What was that about, Miya?” 

Slowly, Atsumu turns to give him a confused look. “What was what about?” He lies, slinging his bag on his other shoulder. His eyes flicker across the locker room as everyone tries, but fails miserably, to hide their interest in the conversation. 

“Whatever, I know you’re not gonna tell me,” Meian sighs, already used to the boy's nonchalant façade.

With a huff and a series of goodbyes, Atsumu slides out of the locker room and pulls the hood of his jacket on his head. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, thumbs ready to send a pleading text to his Osamu. 

When he does, he sighs wistfully. Silently hoping that his brother would give him at least a dozen of onigiris of his choice, for free. When his phone ringer goes off, he immediately slides accept. A wide smile on his face as he speaks to what he thinks is his brother.

“Sumu! If you’re calling to ask, I’d really like some with grilled salm-”

“Nah, It’s not Osamu.” Atsumu comes to a stop in the MSBY parking lot. 

“A-aran?” His dark amber eyes go wide. It’d been so long, but there was no he’d forget his best friend’s voice. 

“Yeah.” Though his voice is much deeper and gruff, a sense of nostalgia washes over Atsumu.

“What’d you call for? We haven’t talk-”

As Aran’s next words filter through Atsumu's right ear, the setter’s spine grows rigid. A plethora of thoughts enter his mind to merge into a red, blaring question mark. 

“Y/N’s coming back to Japan.”

a/n: yayy, i know this is kinda short and should probably be a prologue instead of chapter one but.... idk. also, i’m really excited to dive more into atsumu’s character. okay, okay other than that. I hope you enjoyed this! I feel as though the header is downright ugly but whatevs ┐( ˘_˘)┌

[jennsmischievousmind]

Fucks not Found

One, but not done [END]

Ch1 Ghosts | Ch2 Florence | Ch3 A Matter of Seconds | Ch4 I need a Backdoor | Ch5 Die Hard | Ch6 White Flag | Ch7 Haunt the Living | Ch 8 One, but not done [end]

Seven sighed as One disappeared when it was time to pack everything "Is he always like that or is he just being purposefully annoying?”

“How the fuck would I know?!” Three slammed a crate on the ground, holding his back like an old man.

“Who?” you were all packing the mission’s gear in the Haunted House.

“One,”

“Purposefully, no doubt!” you chuckled.

Later you knocked on his trailer door,

"Old man, we have to talk,"

"Let me guess, you want a bigger trailer so you and skater boy could go at it, not gonna happen,"

"Hum .. not exactly, look I know it's the first rule you told us about, and we broke it, actually 4 of us broke it. We're human One,"

He sighed "I just.. need you to be focus on the job."

"We are fo-.."

"Getting shot prove that you were focus," he threw his phone on the desk

"Alright you got a point,"

"These numbers are for your own safety," he stated angrily "but I guess now it's all fucked up."

"Not necessarily, I mean, now we all know each other better, we have better bonds,"

"Tell me about it," you smirked at his saying "... actually don't," he furrowed his eyebrows as you chuckled.

"Think about it," you pointed out as you were stepping out "this team, could do so much more,"

He nodded and something snapped.

"Hold on," he rummaged through a drawer to finally hand you a silver key, his eyes changed for a second “Might be cliché but he would have been proud.”

Smiling slightly at One, you left to open your brother's safe.

There were photographs, a few envelopes with the same cachet and a P/O box address on it.

One of the photographs, in black and white yellowed by the time showed your Mamma and Papa at your age in front of the Coliseum, looking happy as ever, the warmth of their smiled enveloping you instantly. Another one with your Mamma in swims wear gracefully sat on the sand, holding both of you. You were so tiny, wearing terrible hats and frowning at the sun. You found yourself laughing, a tear landing on the envelope’s corner behind the pictures.

Setting aside those pictures, you flicked the envelope open. Eyes scanning the document multiple times you were not sure what you were reading. Palm against your agape mouth, you read the main text.

 “Dear Anonymous donator,

We would like to thank you for all these years of generosity. Your help has given access healthcare to people in dread need of it. With the help of caring people such as yourself, we have been able to afford the construction of a new volunteer centre, which will provide a facility to help maximize the amount of lives we can save.

Your last donation in date had us all profoundly touch and grateful.

We will never not be thankful enough. We wish we had a name to put on the facility’s wall. But we respect your privacy and so we’ll stop asking from now on.

All proceeds of your donations advance our lifesaving mission.

Thank you, dear anonymous donator.“

The tears blurred your vision until you couldn't see through it. He had found his anchor.

You cried, not of sadness but of proudness. For you he was still the kid throwing stones on the neighbor’s roof, the one who couldn’t sleep on stormy nights, the teen who cried when his crush rejected him. He was your anchor for years.

One paid you much more than you needed to live. You assumed now your brother had donated the payment. And all these years when he worked multiple jobs... it all became clear.

"You were the better twin, baby brother!" You mumbled to yourself.

Weeks later the Donations continued yet the anonymous donator had a found an alias.

Six

Passing by the pool you stopped once more before leaving the scorching desert until One would need you.

Weeks ago you brother was laughing at you on the other side of this very pool, these memories were gold now, they didn’t make you sad anymore, you grinned remembering him holding his chest while laughing on the ground, little fucker.

“Hey luv,”

“Hey,” he sat next to you on the edge of the empty pool

"So we're out?" His hand snaked around your waist bringing you closer.

"Not for now," you smiled thinking about this time spend with this weird squad, eager for a new operation.

“So where shall we go until next,”

“You're ready to stick with me? Are you mad?" He laughed as you touched his forehead for any kind of fever.

"Banged my head a few times yeah, but I'm pretty sure I'm mad...about you."

"God you spent to much time around One." He gently reached for your jaw turning your head to him, the blush creeping on your cheeks not helping to hide that you actually liked that he was ready to come with you anywhere, he leaned in for a quick kiss.

.

The warm air and sounds of busy streets of Italy passing through the ajar window woke you up. Looking at your watch on the bedside table you immediatly turn your back to it, snuggling back into Four's chest. Too early. The night was short.

"What do you say about Transylvania?" he mindlessly ran pattern on your back with his warm fingers.

"For what? Vampire retreat?"

"Hiking, but I can bite" feeling his teeth of soft spot on your neck you squirmed.

"Aouch, alright, we'll go to Transylvania tomorrow. I got to see my brother first."

He nodded, his smile sliding off.

"What?"

"I'm...I'm not really comfortable with...mourning," he played with your fingers on his chest avoiding your look "I ..uh.."

"Calm down babe," you straddled him, the sheet sliding down your bare body "I'm not asking you to come with me." You chuckled at his concerned face, and his lost of attention at the sight of your naked body.

He sighed, "You know he was like a brother to me..." you tilted your head watching him

"That would be weird.." you removed your hands from his

"shit no not a brother," he caught your hands putting them right back on his chest" a .. a best friend,"

"Stop talking," you leaned in, enclosing his lips with yours. His hands immediatly reached your tighs, you felt a shiver ran his chest as your finger brushed his skin from his throat to his navel. A firm squeezed on your thighs made you giggled, he was so easy to trigger.

He sat up, one of his arm tightly set around your low back while the other snake to your back, his hand holding the back your neck. A lovely mess of tangled limbs in silk sheet was all you were. You pushed him back on the bed, holding his hands up his head.

You nibbled on his earlobe, and chuckled when he groaned at the ministrations trying to fight your hold on him. He could easily removed himself from your grip, guess he wouldn't this time.

Finding your way down his neck, chest, navel ... taking your sweet time until you reach the point of no return. He gasped, his head lolling back on the pillow "God I love Italy,"

.

“Ciao brother” cross seating at the grave of his fake death, there were flowers already with a cup of mochaccino beside it, you laughed, only One person could have done that. Glancing at your own grave, you shivered at your name engraved in the marble stone.

You recall the all mission as if your twin was there listening to you, “This one is for you, and the next, and the next.” You breathe in feeling tears coming up, “I kept your cross," you scoffed, "you can thank Four for that. As long as I have it, I’ll have you, mammà and papa with me promise.” kissing the cross you left a single tear rolled down your face.

One knew how to be a ghost, perfectly, no one could trace him, anyone but you. .... The gps tracker in his watch helped. If he knew, he’d probably wouldn’t be happy, but hey he is your cash source can’t lose an eye on him.

“So, that’s your secret!” looking at the little boy in the playground whom looked like the man beside you.

“Shit! He jumped

“Hey,” you grinned leaning on the grid, sliding your shades down.

“Aren’t you supposed to be OUT of Italy?” he groaned

“It’s my homeland One, what’d you expect?” you pointed at your wig and shades “Disguise,”

“It’s always better than Three’s in Vegas,” He joked “You’re kicked out, it’s immediate,” He stated, not even believing it himself.

“Yeaaaah, I don’t think so,” you nudged his shoulder. A ghost of a grin appeared knowingly.

"Do you follow everyone, or are you my private stalker?"

"You really wanna know!?" You shifted on your two feet, he got the idea that everyone had a stalker in the name of Eight.

"Cleavers," you used his own line

"Shut up," he answered tired of your shit, resulting in you laughing a bit too loud.

Regaining a sense of calm you felt he was still uneasy about you seeing his son. “Your secret is safe with me old man,” He nodded a tight smile on his lips, and somehow he knew he could trust you.

“Haunted house, in a week.”

“Noted.” Saluting with two-fingers you took a few steps back still eyeing him with fondness, proudness, maybe not just a cash source in the end. He flicked you off, a bright smile spread on your face.

“Where’s Four by the way?” he called out

“Somewhere on the roofs, he can’t help it.”

He lifted his head, you took this time to disappear around the corner.

Calling Four you stumble upon his voicemail “Skater boy, you better bring down your cute ass. We’re heading back to the Haunted House in a week. Mission 2 is coming. Love ya!”

A week later

"Please don't,"

"One, I only hugged her for a second," you rolled your eyes. Five was still holding your shoulders.

"Tell me you're not going to freak out everytime two of us are close,"

Two had a grin on, Five was being clingy on purpose. It had been a month since you've seen everyone, except Four and One. You had missed everyone, Five especially, after the parkour lessons, the incident on the yacht you had become close friends.

"Hey squad," Four let his skate rolled until it hit a wall. He reached you kissing your cheek, then sending you a wink as he took a seat next to Three. You eyed One, holding a laugh, Five carefully removed her hands from around your arm. Four looked dumbfounded as One sighed, staring at you. He then flung his arms in the air.

"Fucking Millennials!"

Thanks to everyone who read, liked, commented on Fucks not Found. It was fun to write, let me know what could be improved, I'm still working on my english that's why everything is not perfect and quite limited. Looking forward a new story. Thanks again.

A/N: don't forget to double tap if you liked it. 🙏

[jawritter]

The Arrangement

Part 12

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: Heavy trigger warning!!! Suicide attempt!! Angst, caught in your own head, feelings of abandoment, depression, grief, this one is rough guys.

Word Count: 2377

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

It had been three days since your fight with Jensen. 

When he slammed the bedroom door after you had slapped him, he got his keys, walked out the door, and did not come back. 

You didn't know where he'd gone.You didn't try to contact him . If the truth were told, you hadn't really moved from your spot in your now cold, and very lonely bed, unless absolutely necessary. 

The air around you hung in a deafening silence . Who the hell knew silence could be so loud?

You didn't bother turning on theTV.You hadn't bothered to eat, and only drank a little bit of water. You’dsurvive, it just wasn’t there anymore. 

You were too big of a coward to take your own life, though the thought had crossed your mind. 

If you were dead, Jensen wouldn't have to be burdened with you anymore. He could go back to what he wanted to do. Not like there would be anyone around to miss you anyway. 

Still, you were too big of a coward to 'pull the trigger'. So you just laid there, and prayed for death to find you on it's own. Prayed that you'd drift off to sleep, and never wake up again.

It didn't happen. 

Every morning you woke up to a fresh, and even deeper pain; and the realization that Jensen probably wasn't coming home.

Sitting up on the side of the bed, you stared around the room. It was so cold, but you didn't care. It matched how you felt on the inside. You had cried until you didn't have any tears left to cry. Until everything in and around you felt numb.

In most homes, you would walk through the house and see pictures of your wedding day, family, friends; even your parents' home had all those things. 

This place had none of that for you and Jensen. 

You would see kids toys scattered around in some homes. You and Jensen had no children together, and Danneel had  three of his. 

This house felt 'lived in'. All your things were there, along with his, but even though it was lived in, it wasn't a home.

It didn't hold the feeling of home the way your parents house had. There were no memories of times with friends, no family dinners, or holidays, nothing.

You had fooled yourself into thinking this marriage with Jensen was a real marriage. Was even  stupid enough to let yourself fall in love with him. 

Now you were staring reality straight in the face. You had nothing together. You just shared a bed and had sex on occasion. 

Getting out of bed, you dragged your way to the bathroom. Standing in front of the sink, you stared at the mirror. You didn't  recognize the woman that stood there, staring back at you. 

Her eyes almost looked sunk into her skull. She was pale, almost a chalk white color. Her eyes were red and swollen around the eyelids. Her lips were cracked and had been bleeding, probably from lack of food or water. Her hair was an absolute mess. 

She looked like a dead person that was to stupid to know they had died. So they were still standing there.

That's what you felt like. You felt like you had died, you weren't really there. You were living, but you weren't alive.

You died the moment he walked out of the door.

Every time you closed your eyes you saw the look on Jensen's face after you had slapped him. Before the guilt could really grip you, the picture of Danneel and him locked at the mouth would flash before your mind, and shot down the guilt.

For a moment anyway.

The eternal war continued to rage on inside of you as you made your way back to the bed, pulling the cold sheets back and crawling in. You closed your eyes and begged whatever God was listening, cause at this point you weren't even sure there was one, to just let you die this time. You couldn't handle another day like this. Another day of crippling heartache, and a loneliness on a scale you could have never imagined existed.

Jensen's POV:

Jensen sat on the back porch of Jared and Gen's house, more than a little drunk. At first when he left the house the day of their fight Jensen had been angrier than he'd ever been in his life. He told her he loved her and she literally slapped him in the face. 

That anger quickly turned to hurt. 

Rejection wasn't something he was used to. Most women threw themselves at him willingly. That wasn't really it either. What was the real slap in the face was that Y/N didn't trust him, and didn't believe him, not only when he told her he did nothing wrong, but also when he told her that he loved her. That’s the part that hurt the most.

No matter how angry he got, he couldn't deny the feelings he'd come to accept regarding his wife. 

He'd picked up the phone, looking down at it, almost willing it to ring. Nothing. So for the hundredth time he called. It rang and rang. Nothing, only voicemail.

Slamming the phone down on the table, pulled at his hair harshly before he downed the rest of the scotch in his hand. He was well on the way to drinking himself into passing out for the third night in a row. It was the only way he could sleep without seeing the hurt look on Y/N’s face when she looked up at him from the kitchen table that day.

Jensen heard Jared pull the chair away from the table  he was sitting at, and sit down next to him. He didn't bother looking at him, just continued to stare at the empty dark pool in front of him.

Jared didn't really care for Y/N. He always thought she was just using his friend for his money, but right now, looking at his best friend and watching him literally try to drink himself to death, he wished more than anything she'd call and ask him to come home. 

He may not like her, but Jensen obviously loved her, and he didn't like to see him this way. 

"Jensen, what if I send Gen over there, check on her, get a feel for things? You can't keep hiding out here drinking man. You gotta fix this."

"I don't want Gen going over there, and making this shit worse. She doesn't know you guys, and the last time she was here you didn't exactly go out of your way to make her feel welcomed." Jensen mumbled, alcohol loosening his tongue to the point he wasn't worried about sparing feelings.

"You’re right, I didn't, and I'm sorry for that. I was just looking out for you, but Jay, man, if you love her that much you're not going to be able to sit here, and drink this mess Danneel has created away. You filed a restraining order, and you have the paperwork to prove it. Go show it to Y/N. Prove to her that it wasn't what it looked like."

Taking a deep breath, Jensen nodded his head. "Okay, yeah I got paperwork now. Maybe she will see I really don't want anything to do with that bitch."

Jensen blinked hard, trying to hold back tears that threatened at the edges of his eyes. 

"I can't lose her Jar. I just can't."

Before he could finish the sentence, Jared had reached up and grabbed his friend, pulling him into a bone crushing hug. 

"Let's get you some coffee, and something to eat so you can sober up.Then you need to go home and make this shit right Jay, for her, but also for yourself."

Your POV:

Day four of Jensen being gone dawned early for you. 

You had woken up once again, much to your dismay. Trudging your way to the bathroom you felt utterly numb, everything in you felt numb, from your insides, working it's way out. You had hit your breaking point. Your body craved Jensen's contact like a dying person craved oxygen, and to be honest you were tired of feeling the way you were feeling.

Thoughts rolled through your mind without your consent. 

Was he with Danneel? Was he sleeping with her now? Did he just abandon you because he didn’t care about you anymore? Why didn’t he come home? Why is this all happening to you? Why couldn't’ you have just been more like her? Maybe then he would still be here. Maybe then he could have loved you, the way you loved him.

Ever since your parents passed away, there was nothing in this world left for you that loved you. The church had abandoned you, you had no friends, now you didn't even have Jensen. Walking to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom you searched through whatever you could find to numb the pain. There was nothing. Not even a fucking Advil.

How was it possible to hurt so much, yet be so damn numb? It didn’t even make sense.

Staggering back to the bedroom, you began to search through drawers and night stands. Maybe there was something left that would kill this headache stashed somewhere.

Finally you found your prize. A full bottle of adult Motrin. 100 tablets in all, seal not even broken. Looking at the bottle you turn it over in your hands, taking four of them at once.... Then the thought hit you.

'You’re  not good enough for Jensen. Do him a favor, down this whole bottle and go back to bed. Then you will be out of his way. No longer a burden, and out of your own miserable existence.' 

Standing there just turning the bottle over in your hands, you weighed up your opinions. 

Yeah you were way too chicken to literally shoot yourself. This though, this was easy. Just take the pills, go to sleep. 

Your heart ached in your chest. You could still hear the sound of your hand connecting with his face, the sound of the door slamming to the bedroom, then the front door. Everything you've been through, this was it. This was your limit. You wanted out. This was the only way.

Grabbing a bottle of water you start taking fistfuls of pills. You don't know how many you finally successfully swallowed, but you finally got it down to only a small amount of pills left in the bottle when you just couldn’t take anymore.

Grabbing his notebook from the bedside table, and a pen you wrote quickly. 

‘I'm so sorry I was a burden to you. You can go be free now. I did love you. I'm sorry you couldn't feel the same.’

Sitting it down next to the bed, you crawled back under the covers, and waited for sleep, or death to take you. There was no turning back now, not even if you wanted to. Grabbing your phone you quickly googled a picture of him. He was smiling, happy. It was before he met you. You were doing this for him. He deserved to be free of you. Free to be happy. The last thing you saw before your eyes closed was his beautiful face. That's the way you wanted it....

---------------------------------------------------

Jensen's POV:

Jensen wanted to come home last night.Only problem was, he couldn't sober up enough, and he knew coming home to try and make things right between the two of you while drunk wasn't the best idea; so he slept it off and took off for the house as soon as the sun came up. Even though he had a pounding headache, and his stomach was in knots he didn’t care, hangover be damned, he had to make this right between the two of you. He couldn’t take the distance anymore. 

His heart hammered in his chest the whole way  home.Something deep down inside of him screamed something was very wrong, but he shoved it off, doing all he could to convince himself everything was going to be okay. 

Pulling up into the driveway, he saw no lights on inside the house. 'She must still be sleeping.' he thought to himself. 

Slowly, he made his way out of the door of the car and up the driveway. No sound was coming from inside the house, no TV, nothing. Which was normal while people slept, but something just didn't sit right in him. Something was wrong. 

Slipping his key into the doorknob, he unlocked the door and took a step inside the house, closing the door quietly behind him.

The only light in the house was the light coming through the windows. Still,he could see everything was the same as he left it when he walked out of the front door four days ago. His heart started to hammer in his chest loud enough to pulse through his ears.

Walking through the kitchen, he could still see pots on the stove she had taken out that day to start dinner, empty, and untouched. Walking through the bottom floor she was nowhere to be found. 

"God please let her still be here." he said to himself as he started to climb the stairs towards the bedroom.

The silence in the house seemed so thick he could cut it with a knife. Something was wrong. Every fiber of his being was screaming it. His breath was coming in short, quick bursts. Fear gripped him in a way nothing ever had before. Reaching the landing, he opened the door to the master bedroom slowly.

The lights were off in the bedroom, but he could clearly see her figure outlined underneath the covers. For just a moment he took a deep sigh of relief. She was just asleep. 

Closing the door quietly, he walked over to the side of the bed. Her back was to him, the covers pulled up over to neck.  Standing there looking at her he internally kicked himself for not coming home to her sooner. 

Reaching his hand out he brushed the hair away from her face. "Y/N?"

Nothing. She must be really asleep. Putting his hand on her shoulder. He shook her in earnest how. "Y/N... Baby wake up.. We need to talk..." 

Nothing... 

Something wasn't right.

His heart started to hammer in his chest again. He felt like he was taking his breath through a straw. Shaking hard, he reached over and turned the lamp light on by the bed. 

The first thing he saw as the light flooded the room was his notepad open, and her handwriting that was on it. 

‘I'm so sorry I was a burden to you. You can go be free now. I did love you. I'm sorry you couldn't feel the same.’

At first his mind couldn't compute... Then it started to sink in. Panic grabbing him tight in his chest as he ripped the covers off her, shaking her hard. 

"Y/N! Wake up!! Come on baby, please!!"

Putting his head down by her face he could feel no breath coming from her body.

His heart seized up in his chest, shaking her lifeless body in his arms, screaming inaudibly. 

He couldn't take the thought that she was gone. It was all his fault, he left her here, he abandoned her, he was all she had, and she took her own life because of him. 

Grabbing his phone from his pocket,his eyes blurred as uncensored tears poured down his face. Every breath seemed to come out as a scream.

"911, what is your emergency?"

Jensen tried to make his voice work, but all that would come out was strangled noises and screams. He held her close to him, desperately trying to wake her up.

"Sir, please calm down.. What is your emergency? I can't help you if you won't calm down.."

Taking a deep breath he was finally  able to make his voice work in a noise that wasn't a scream.

"My wife.. Please send help. I can't wake her up. I think she's..." 

He couldn't finish the sentence. Throwing the phone down on the ground without hanging up, he pressed her body as close to his as he could, burying his face in her hair, begging her, God, and whoever would listen that she would wake up for him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @deanwanddamons​ @imabitch4jensen​ @rvgrsbrns​ @bi-danvers0​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @akshi8278​ @lyss-dw79​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @idksupernatural​ @lyarr24​ @amandamdiehl​

[faefictions]

Stay

Harry Holland x Reader

Word Count: 2,839

Summary: Your best friend, Harry Holland, ghosts you while he’s away for work. The harder you try to get him back, the further he pulls away

Warnings: a lil angst

It had been three months. Harry, your best friend of 6 years, left for America and essentially forgot about you. You didn’t blame him, at first at least. He was following his dreams, and sure he was going to get busy. Working on set with his brother Tom left little downtime, but in the past he had always found time to send you stupid snapchats or tag you in memes he thought would annoy you (although they never did). 

This time was different though. He ignored you for about a month. At first, he never opened your messages, and never sent any himself. After a couple weeks, he started to open all of them, but he never replied. Some of those messages were nothing but rude to leave without a response, and it hurt to see him instantly read them, but never reply. 

After he did that for the 8th time in a row, you decided to call him. And when he didn’t pick up, you kept calling. You called until you eventually got sent straight to voicemail, and that was when the first message since he had left came through. 

“Sorry Love, busy right now. Is it important?”

If it weren’t important, you wouldn’t have been blowing up his phone, and he knew that. You had no idea, but he knew exactly what was going on. There was no way in Hell he was going to help it along, though. 

“Call me when you’re free,” was all you could reply with. You paced your apartment for an hour, thanking the forces of the universe that your roommate was out for the night and not experiencing your anxiety. 

You almost forgot about the time difference between New York and London. When he called at 1 am, you were about ready to explode, until it clicked that he was 5 hours behind you. So you took a deep breath and tried to at least forgive that one understandable misstep before you started the dreaded conversation. 

“Hey,” you awkwardly greeted, and he instantly read the discomfort in your voice. It was the conversation he had been dreading. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you serious, Harry?”

You didn’t sound angry at all, and that may have been what hurt most. You just sounded…desperate. 

“What do you mean?”

“Harry, why the fuck are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not. I told you, I was busy.”

“Busy all the times you’ve left me on read in the last month too? Look, I get that you and Tom are busy. I know that you’re working hard out there, but this is the first I’ve heard from you since you’ve left. So if I did something, please just tell me.”

“Y/n, I can’t just reply to everything you send me. I have more responsibility than last time, I’m doing a lot of shit. You can’t get mad over that.”

“Harry, I think we both know that’s bullshit. Paddy told me you were texting him last Saturday, complaining about how bored you were. I texted you twice that night, and was instantly left on read both times.”

“Ok, well Paddy’s my brother. Maybe I just wanted to talk to him. I missed him.”

“So you don’t want to talk to me then. Got it.”

“Y/n, no that’s not what-“

“No, I get it Harry. I’m not family. I don’t matter as much. You don’t have to say it.”

“God, you’re being fucking ridiculous.”

“Never mind, Harry. Forget I even called.”

“Really? You’re going to act like that?”

“I’m being serious, Harry. Forget I called, forget I texted, just forget I exist. You seem to be good at that.”

“Y/n, you’re being fucking ridiculous. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Ok, whatever, just… have fun in America, Harry.”

And with that, you hung up. 

You weren’t sure if Harry would have kept leaving you on read after that, because you didn’t have the heart to send anything anymore. But he wasn’t reaching out either, so you took it as a safe bet that he didn’t care much anymore. And you didn’t blame him. Sure, you didn’t understand it before, but you had blown up on him. He hated confrontation, so no matter how much you hated him for the initial transgression, you had to remind yourself that this was partially your fault, and he now had reason to be just as upset with you. 

You started losing sleep, and that never really stopped. Losing Harry felt like losing a big part of yourself. You tried avoiding his family after that, Harrison included. They were tangled into your life, and it felt like you were ripping a prickly barb from a poorly knitted sweater. You just couldn’t get them out of your life without it all starting to unravel. 

After the first month, the second of which Harry had been gone, they all took the hint. Paddy and Nikki stopped inviting you over on the weekends, or to their lonely family dinners. Harrison stopped checking in on you. He had claimed that it was Harry’s idea at first, but you saw right through that lie. 

The third month, your mental health dropped drastically. You were only getting a couple hours of sleep a night, you were working yourself to the bone. And while the money was nice, your boss was threatening to make you take time off. Even she could tell that that something was seriously wrong. 

When you started to make mistakes in your work, expensive mistakes, she forced you to go midday. She told you to take the rest of the week off, pleading with you to get some rest. You were just glad that you hadn’t been fired. 

That day, you went home and spent the rest of daylight in bed, nothing but silence filled the room. When your roommate, Kayla, came home and found you quietly staring at the ceiling, she offered to take you out to dinner, but you didn’t have the energy. 

“Y/n when are you going to get over this? You’ve been depressed for over a month now. This isn’t healthy, and I swear you’re not even trying. I don’t want to be that bitch, but you need to get off your ass and get over it. So get up, we’re going out.”

You gave her a dirty look, but you knew she was right. You didn’t want to get over Harry, because you didn’t want it to really be over. But it had been long enough, and neither of you had heard from the other, so you let out a loud groan and got out of bed to put on some real pants so you could go out. 

You didn’t look half as decent as you usually did on nights out. You barely put effort into your outfit, you weren’t even entirely sure it matched. You didn’t put on any makeup, so your under-eye bags were dark enough to almost seem like you had been in a fight. 

Kayla would have encouraged you to at least try to look like your normal self, but just getting you out of bed was enough of an achievement for the night. 

She ended up taking you to your favorite restaurant, but it did nothing for your mood. Harry had taken you there dozens of times. He always insisted on taking you to dinner for your birthday, and his brothers would always find a way to infiltrate your night, but you never minded. You loved their company. 

Being there just reminded you of him. When your food arrived, you excused yourself to the bathroom, needing a moment alone to clear your head. Staring at yourself in the mirror helped you take a few breaths, but you couldn’t get Harry off of your mind. Half of you wished that he was there with you, but the other half was still mad at him. Mad at him for ignoring you for a month. Mad at him for pretending like that wasn’t what he had been doing. But most of all, you were mad at him for leaving things how they were. Of course you could have called or texted, it was a two way street, but you were afraid that he would just ignore you again, and you didn’t know if you would be able to handle that kind of rejection. 

You tried to take one last deep breath before going back out, but when you opened the door to make your way back to the table, the breath was knocked out of you. Harrison was sitting at the table with Kayla, and she didn’t look one bit surprised to see him. 

You weren’t in the mood for an intervention, so you made a beeline for the front doors, trying to keep your head down as you passed their table so they wouldn’t see you leave. In hindsight, you should have known that getting out of there undetected wasn’t plausible, but Harrison’s voice calling your name didn’t so much as make you pause. 

The night air was colder than you had remembered it being just 20 minutes prior. It could have been the cold, the lack of food in your system, or the anxiety bubbling in your stomach just from seeing one of Harry’s closest friends, or a combination of all three that was making your body tremble. 

You could only imagine how pathetic you looked. You already looked like you were sick from the lack of effort you put in to your appearance, and the tears rushing to yours eyes didn’t help either. You were about to ready to rush into an alleyway to hope for the best while you rode out the wave of tears, but as you took a sharp turn around a corner, you crashed into someone, almost sending you both to the ground if it weren’t for his steadying hand on your upper arm. 

You knew instantly, the sweatshirt and cologne were a dead give away, but you were in denial. Sure enough, you looked up to meet those brown eyes that you loved oh so much, yet somehow despised even more. You thought you had looked bad, but he looked almost worse, which surprised you. The bags under his eyes were darker than you had ever seen them, and his hair was disheveled. You were almost embarrassed to admit that you recognized the sweats he was wearing as the only thing he would wear when he was throwing a fit, but this was much more than a measly tantrum. This was a heartbreak. 

“Hey,” he stumbled breathlessly. You were a little relieved to see how surprised he was to run into you. You would have originally guessed this was all a big set up that he was a part of, but he seemed to be just as clueless as you. Still, you couldn’t muster up the courage to greet him like he wanted, so with a half hearted smirk, you tried to rush past him. He was having none of that though.

After you hung up the phone that night, he had known he fucked up, but he was too stubborn for his own good. You had told him that as a joke a million times, but now he knew what you meant. 

He blocked your path just before you could pass, and if it weren’t for his pleading eyes, you would have just pushed right through him. 

“Please, don’t walk away.”

“What do you want?”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead.”

“I-I just want to talk.”

“Really, Harry? You’ve had, what, four months to want to talk? Must not be that important.”

“Y/n, don’t do this again.”

“Do what, Harry? You fucking abandoned me, without so much as an explanation as to why, but I’m supposed to be happy to see you? Is that what you want? You want me to just forget how shitty you made me feel for four months and just jump into your arms?”

“No, I-“

“Then what the fuck do you want, Harry?”

“Y/n, you’re making a scene.”

“I will make a scene if I goddamn please, Harold.”

He let out a sigh, a moment of silence passed over the both of you. You almost took it as a chance to walk away, but something inside you was screaming to stay. 

“When’s the last time you slept? You look like shit,” he asked, his eyes finally coming up to meet yours. You would have slapped him on the shoulder if his concern wasn’t written so explicitly on his face. 

“How endearing.”

“You know how I meant it,” he gave you a sad half smile. 

“Look, I can’t do this right now. Today has been shitty enough, I just can’t handle-“

“What happened today?”

“I’m not really in the mood to divulge that information to you. I just wanna go home.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, I don’t mean for asking that. I’m…I’m sorry for leaving you on read. For ignoring all your calls. For not hitting you up in my spare time. And I’m sorry for not reaching out after that last phone call.”

“Ok, thanks, but sorry isn’t going to change anything.”

“Well what do you need from me then?”

Need. That word almost made you stumble back. He didn’t sound annoyed by the fact that you weren’t immediately forgiving him after his apology, as he usually would. He wasn’t asking what you wanted from him, he was asking what you needed, and that seemed to make a world of difference in your heart. 

“An explanation,” you murmured after a second of silence, but he heard you loud and clear. 

“I don’t know if I can give that to you.”

“Ok, then let me know when you can. In the meantime, I’ll be walking home.”

“Y/n, please.”

“No, all I’m asking is why. If you can’t give me that, then this isn’t worth it in the first place. I’ll see you around, Harry.”

He didn’t block you as you walked away, but it may have just been because he saw the tears in your eyes. He knew you hated crying in front of other people. 

You must have made it half a block away before he turned around and called something after you, but you couldn’t hear him over your sniffles. 

“What?” you asked as you turned back around to see him jogging towards you. 

“I missed you.”

“Ok… I missed you too?”

“No, I mean, it’s the shittiest excuse, but… I missed you too much. Talking to you, knowing you were a world away living your life without me, it just, it hurt too much. And I sound like a fucking idiot saying it out loud, and I think that’s partially why I didn’t want to tell you, but that’s why. So, please, don’t go.”

“You missed me too much?” you asked, implicitly calling out his bullshit. 

“Yes, I promise that was the reason.”

“Usually when you miss someone, you just, I don’t know, fucking call them.”

“I know, and I should have. I should have replied to every single one of your messages, and I should have sent you one every single time I thought about you. I should have told you how things were going every night, just like I wanted to. I should have caved and just told you how much I fucking loved you, but I didn’t.”

“You what?”

Both of you could barely breathe as he looked nervously into your eyes, trying to gauge your reaction. He sensed nothing but surprise though. 

“Loved you. Love, I guess, since I still do. Always have.”

“Well that’s terrible timing, because I fucking hate you,” you said finally cracking a smile. 

“Ok, I deserve that,” he admitted, smiling right back. 

“You really mean it? You’re not just trying to find a way out of the situation?”

“I mean it.”

“Promise?” you asked, more seriously this time, as you stuck out your pinky. Without hesitation, he linked his own with yours. 

“Ok… I think you owe me a drink before I can reciprocate.”

“That sounds about fair.”

“Maybe dinner too.”

“You got it.”

He pulled you in for a big hug, and the faded smell of his cologne on that sweatshirt was enough to calm every nerve in your body. You had missed him more than you had cared to admit. 

“Let’s get you home, I was serious about you looking like shit,” he said, and you decided to hit him on the shoulder this time. He laughed at you, knowing full well that he deserved it, and that smile melted your heart. 

You walked the whole way back to your apartment with his arm around your shoulder. Sure, deep down, you still resented him just a little for putting you through the past four months, but it was nothing that a little teasing and guilting him into buying food for you for a month wouldn’t fix. Nothing, not even this, could come between the two of you, and you hoped that nothing would ever try again. 

[aggresivelyfriendly]

If The World Was Ending-WNTC Non-Canon Outtake

Hi! So I had to! Hope you like it, if you do, come talk to me! Or scream at me. All my love to @dirtystyles, long live tripod writing!

Reblogs are love!

This didn't happen - but this song and the current state of affairs made me crazy enough to imagine it, and then Harry and Jo kept talking in my head. So, here we are!

Who Names The Colors Extra: If the World Was Ending.

She's scared. Fucking terrified, mostly because she has zero idea, not a single one about what is going to happen tomorrow, let alone what happens next, next week, next month, if there will be a next year.

Jo wants Harry.

Jo wants Harry in a way she has worked really hard not to. She has given him his life, the possibility of a future.

And now, in this moment when everyone's future is completely uncertain and maybe not going to resemble the world of yesterday, may not happen at all, she just, it doesn't fucking matter. The fact she can't give him a baby, that their ages made all the things she wanted for him possibly impossible, and all the family drama and tension is totally irrelevant. Feels totally unimportant. It doesn't fucking matter. She could get the virus on a market run and she could be sick for a few weeks, or she could stop breathing. She has no way of knowing which it will be, or how long life will be interrupted. She feels helpless, hopeless, future less.

It's probably not that dramatic. By next year, everyone may remember this like a nightmare. But right now, this moment, with cases climbing and death tolls ringing and a government completely fucking it all up, that seems far away and maybe not true.

Jo wants Harry.

If the world is ending, he's all she wants.

Maybe not all she wants, but the list is short. What she would do if this was it. She imagines the last night time especially. The things she'd do. Call her son in Greece, see him happy, scared but happy with Sean, and tuck her ever growing sassy pants daughter into bed, and come downstairs to tea Harry has made her.

His tea was always better, than all the tea she's made on her own. "Made with love's why." He'd smile and wink and dimple and melt her. In the fantasy, he's folding laundry or finishing dishes too. Because, God she misses the partnership she glimpsed too, and she's too tired to do it all alone most days. Though it's easier now that Zoe's school aged.

He'd help her, though, always did, while feeding, watering, fucking, and holding her through all the angst she is feeling. Through the sky falling.

She nearly calls him. But Jo has no idea, not an inkling of where he is in the world. She doubts he's still in Montreal. That was a year ago. It was meant to be a 6 month intensive program. There were others she submitted him for that she knows he was good enough to get into no matter when he rang them interested.

If he is abroad, that terrifies her, too. God, what if he's abroad, and can't get home? Or is sick, fuck, sick alone? Though he is in a low risk group she says out loud and wraps an arm around herself, squeezes her shoulder to distract from the contraction of her heart.

London, he might be in London. She knows he should move there, be part of the art scene. Jo is just not sure if that's where he is in his journey yet. She's not sure why she thinks she knows anything about where he is, or might go, or how he will chart the course to the future she forced on him, gifted him.

They talked about it, or course. They talked about everything. Except when they just understood.

London. If he's in London, it's cruel, because he won't be moving: lockdown orders have just gone out. He'd be so close but so far. Expats are flying in, going home and quarantining. This option had been offered to Ethan. But it didn't make sense for him and Sean, they were safe, and in the home they'd made. If Harry's abroad, unless he's shacked up, ouch, he'd come home to Anne. But, if Harry's in London, he's stuck away from his family. Unless he's settled and happy there instead. Anne might be ok with that state of affairs.

Jo's not.

She doesn't believe that, it's not been that long, since them, not really. She wants him to be happy, with somebody else, but not so soon. She's not over it remotely well enough to contemplate another body in her space, mind, or person. May never be able to fathom somebody not Harry.

She imagines Anne is out of her head worried.

Anne, she could just call Anne. It will be weird, but if it's just to check on Harry, she can do it. Only slightly, ridiculously awkward. But Anne knew, the devastation for both of them. She won't be wholly surprised. It's just a phone call to check on him, Harry never need know. Anne will not tell, Jo's sure. His mother wants them apart, forever.

Jo's heart squeezes again.

As a mother, she understands. As the unsuitable love of someone's life, well, she can't.

But, none of that matters. Because it feels like the world is ending. Jo just needs to know he's alright. First and foremost, that he is ok.  And then she needs to know something for herself. Her selfish self. That he'd come over if he could, to hold her and be with her the way they both wanted but couldn't have. Because none of the consequences matter, not right now.

He will not likely be able to get to her, so it's just the comfort of their love, or his huge heart all for her, still.

She's dialing Anne before she can stop herself. The land line, the one Anne gave her when she'd come to ream her, and had offered loving kindness instead.

"Hullo?" Her heart stops, stutters, blooms.

She hangs up.

Holy fuck, he is here. He is home in their little village. Good, good for Anne. "Oh my god!" She yells to the air, because now the proposition is real. The possible fulfillment and rejection, real. Would he come over, now the world's ending, stay the night? The rest of the horrible uncertain trials they are facing be damned, can go to hell, if he would come hold her tight. Her breathing is rapid and she's concentrating on slowing it down. God, what if he wouldn't come over. Had wised up, decided they weren't what she knew them to be.

What if he would come over?

Neither matter, in any case, she's hung up. It's ok, he doesn't need to know it was her.

The phone in her hand buzzes. Anne S. reads the call log. Does she answer?

How can she not? Her whole body feels better, knowing his is close. She sends it out to him, it overrides her nerves about everything, including answering. Even his presence, that she received via strong voice through the receiver, not weakened by sickness, worry, or sorrow, bolstered her. She feels better all ready. She might be able to have more though, than his calm. Jo might be able to have him, a real moment with him. Maybe lots of them, a day that feels like moments because of the way time suspends when they commune.

She catches the call just before it gets shunted to voicemail.

"Hello?" She says, her voice is thin, the only force in it, hope.

"Jo?" He gasps and her tears leak down their cheeks.

His voice. Her name on his lips.

"Hi!" She tries to steady her voice. It doesn't work and his breath tells her she's unsettled him.

"Is everything ok? Zoe ok? Why're you calling my mum?" He inhales loudly. "Sorry, that's rude. I just, god, wasn't expecting your call. Not that it's not lovely to hear your voice, baby."

They both suck in a breath at that. "I was..." How does she say this? "I was worried?"

"About my mum?" He asks, his voice lined with hope as well.

"Well, yes." She says, hopes he hears what she is not saying the way he always did.

He laughs suddenly with something like joy in his voice. "It's alright, I've already asked about you. So no need to be embarrassed." He swallows. "Ever."

"Yeah?" She asks.

"Yeah, you're a brave little thing, calling my mum to check on me." He teases.

"Um, she told me to call if I needed help, she was kind to me." Jo glances down. Shit, it's so late.

It was almost bed time, and their custody agreement didn't end, even in a pandemic. She needs to make sure Zoe hears her voice say she loves her. For the same reason she had called Anne. "I know where you get it from. She has every reason to dislike me—"

"She doesn't dislike you, nobody could dislike you, Jo."

"Oh, well, I think that's an opinion. You're biased." She stops herself.

"Because I love you?" He asks but keeps talking so she can't answer. "It's true though, you're impossible to dislike." He whispers. "Impossible not to love."

"Har- Harry." She looks at the ceiling and hears him groan. "I actually have to go, I didn't plan this at all." She sighs.

"Well, I assume you have nowhere to be?" God, he sounds light as a feather, she could fly.

"Yes and no. It's time for my goodnight call to Zoe. She's with Colin."

"She'll come home though, some point, right?" He asks, urgent. "I hate to think of you alone at a time like this? Where's..." He gulps. "Where's Ethan?" He sounds like he's swallowing glass.

"Greece, stayed there, he and Sean are safe, still able to work, so they stayed."

"Oh Jo!" He sighs. "Baby, are you all alone?"

"No, no, I'm not." Not really, just physically right now.

"Who're you with?" His voice is dark for a moment, thick like his voice box is coated in mud.

"With?" Oh! He thinks a man is with her. He's swallowing his reaction. "No one at the moment, I just, Zoe comes home Monday. But we were talking about initiating the summer schedule sooner." She slows down. That won't make sense to him, he's not privy to the details of her life anymore. Doesn't need to be. "But anyway. She's there and I like to call, have my voice be one of the last things she hears at the end of the day."

"And you need to see her face before you sleep. " It's not a question.

"Yeah, um, but I called you, your mum, without checking the time and her stories are probably over." She explains.

"Ok, that's, thats ok, thanks for calling, Jo." His heart is in his voice. That outsized prize in his chest. She wishes with her whole heart she could keep his.

"Yeah, bye, um bye, Harry." She swallows. Her own emotions coating her throat. "Take care, please." Can he hear the plea in her voice?

"You too." He says in a way she feels. Like all his unspoken hopes for her are in the two words. That she not just to survive the virus, but to be well, and happy, just not with anyone else. Jo's projecting. Those are her unspoken prayers for him. She pulls the phone away and the call ends on his end just before she touches the red button.

She never got to ask him, if he'd come over.

That's all well and good though, because it's real now. He could come over. He could not come over, too. Jo sits for a moment, the oxygen sucked out of the room. That would be worse, definitely devastating. It's good she didn't get to ask. She shakes her head, glances at the time on her phone. She needs to call Zoe.

Her daughter's bright face is a brilliant distraction. Though the pull of the call, Harry's call, the things he said, how he said them, and all the things they didn't say is stronger. Jo gets her motherly reassurance, and smiles for her baby, but her mind is elsewhere.

"Night bug! Can't wait to see you Monday!" Jo's heart squeezes and she signs off the zoom. The leave button feels so final. She keeps herself together when Zoe can see her, no matter what. She hates this, the entire custody thing, that it was necessary, and some days she hates that the entire thing happened. But she can't regret Zoe, or the divorce or everything after. She also can't regret that Colin decided somewhere along the way he wanted to be more involved, needed to be. Though some days, especially these weird isolation days, she hates that she can't just hunker down with her baby and be wrapped up in baking or tik tok dances or crafts, puzzles, whatever Zoe was into. Instead, she has to be separated from her bud.

She sighs and pulls her old bones off the ottoman; she's tired. The nightly routine done by rote while she yawns, flicks lights and clicks locks.

Her heart stops and then defribullates when she gets to the back door.

Through the triple diamond shaped glass is his unmistakable shape.

Harry.

Because if the world is ending he'd come over, right?

"Harry?" The question is only in her voice, not in her heart. Course he'd come.

"Miss Jo." She must make a face, because he steps forward and takes her hand. "Jo, I..." He looks for words to say, "I thought we could paint," he tries to smile for her. "or something?" God, he looks like every dream she's had of him, mostly. He's different, it's been a year. He's shorn his locks, his hair is almost high and tight. His lovely hair gone, she mourns it, the silk of it through her fingers, like water rippling on her skin.

The cut looks good on him, of course it does, everything does. His jaw is exposed, his cheekbones amplified, and the green of his eyes is so golden, she's rich. "Can I come in?"

"Yes." She blurts out, because of course the answer is always yes. Yes Harry, have me, my life, my always. But not at the cost of yours. Have my right now.

What is anyone's always right now?

Which is why they are here.

So, now he is in her kitchen and they stare at each other. There was a time, she recalls, when he would have her on the table, or at least a stool by now. But, it's been a while and a lot of time and broken heartbeats have passed.

"Tea?" She offers for something to do; she sets about making his brew when he nods. Her hands and feet carry her around her kitchen without much thought while she concentrates on what happens next. He's come over, right. Now what? She's waiting for the whistle, when he steps close behind her. His heat warms her for a bit. She forgets she's out of her depth, least his body is familiar, but, "you smell different." She can't stop herself saying.

"I had to change it." He smells her hair. "The other reminded me of you. All the times you mentioned it." He swallows. "You smell the same."

I couldn't change it, it reminds me of you. "Yeah," is all she says. When his arms come around her waist and his chin hooks over her shoulder, Jo feels lighter than she has in, well it's been more than a year.

"How you doing, baby?" He asks against her cheek. And he is not asking about right in this moment, it's everything, how's her art, and her kids, and their relationships, and her job, and most of all her missing him?

The smile takes her face. "I'm alright actually. Really." She summons her courage, says. "I miss you, all the time." She turns and wraps her arms around his neck, her face laying against her bicep, so she can gift herself a view of his face anytime, when she is ready.

Harry kisses her temple. "Me too." And they stay like that, resting in the embrace like it's a balm on a healing wound, for long deep breaths of each other.

When the kettle blows, she pulls her face back and offers him a peck. He smiles before softly bussing her lips and loosening his arms to let her turn around. He eventually has to let his arms drop as she busies herself making the tea - the leaves, and the dunk - serious business. He follows her to the fridge when she gets out the milk. "Same?" She looks at him, he's been looking at her since he arrived, he's always looking at her, in his mind's eye, or on canvas.

"I forgot how beautiful you are." Her gaze drops and she's so glad she got the gall to call his mother. Knows when they have to part again it will be worth it, to have had him in this moment of uncertainty. He is her constant.

She was never more certain than of her feelings for him, his for her.

"Not to steal your words, but me too." The moment's not awkward, just leaden, she rolls her eyes and smiles at him, "now then, same tea?" They do tension like she can't believe, every moment pregnant with possibility.

"'Course, it's not been that long. Only my geography has changed." That makes her almost spill the milk, he means geography like a map. Jo she never thinks of his geography as where he lives, she thinks of the body she mapped under his clothes. Her territory.

"Has it?" She asks and places the milk down, slips her hands under his t shirt to check.

It's bold. She's only ever been so fearless, selfish, with him.

He catches on quickly and the smug smile creases his cheeks in the way that always got her wet. Still. "Would you like to check?"

He doesn't actually give her a chance to answer, his hand is in her hair and he's taken her mouth. She knocks over the milk, the lid isn't tight and drops leak out.

It's both uncharted and the only home she's known. He kisses the same, but tastes just a bit different, like he has a new diet with new habits. Things she might not know, but she does know that when he nips the middle of her lip, it mean he wants her to open her mouth. Jo pulls back to look up at him instead. The thumb on her jaw drops to her neck and the possession makes her weak.

"Lover?" It's a question. His eyes close and he puts his forehead to hers and kisses the tip of her nose. "Har-Harry?" That ones a provocation.

It works. He hoists her up onto the sink sill and jostles the tea cups. Milky tea on the homely countertops.

"We're making a mess!" Harry whispers, breath over her lips.

"Didn't we always?" The color of his eyes is devastating.

"Let's go make a different mess, baby." She nods and he lifts her back up his hips and takes the familiar journey to her bedroom. He walks the counted steps from memory, consumed in the kiss, when his knees don't meet the mattress, his eyes pop open. "Where's the bed?"

Jo points.

Harry stops and looks around. "It's different."

"Yeah." She sighs. She supposes she is negating this change a bit. But this feels like a reprieve and she hopes it's a balm instead of a burn to her missing him muscles. "I miss you. All the time—" She starts to explain.

"Yeah, me too." He interrupts.

"I missed you so much at first I had to, to.."

"I know, baby." He kisses right over her heart. Pulls her arms free and her top over her head. Repeats the kiss. "Of course, I know."

That's the bitch of it all, he does know. He knows everything, all about her, every inch of the body he uncovers. He mapped the curve of her waist, knows that the underside of her breasts makes her writhe when he runs his chin over it, arch when he licks it, and tremble when he sucks. The replay is the same on her nipples, only forceful. It makes her react like a taut bow, she may buck him away. He keeps her still through it, to endure the activation of his prior knowledge . The nips and swirls and eye contact while he favors her breasts, all the things he remembers how to do to her.

Her hips are pistoling. She knows what she needs, has needed for too long to remember how this feels. Too recent, resplendent, to ever forget.

But Jo also knows Harry, and he's in a patient mood. Or worshipful, she supposes. His favorite ritual he is about to perform on her body.

His rite takes him over her belly. Earlier, the lack of curls on his head had only given her a momentary ache, until they didn't make tendrils of fire over her abdomen, slither through the crease of her thigh when he made his way down to start on his knees, at her feet. Her supplicant. The caress to her instep is the beginning of his atonement. The attention to the bends of her knees and then the back of her thighs is a confession.

He adores her ass, and her back. She's onto her knees and pushing back into his body when he gets to her upper shoulders. The supplication is too much to bear and she needs more, every inch of him to merge with her, divine their purpose.

"Har-Harry! Please?" She can feel all of his length in the crack of her ass and it's not where she wants him, but he can do anything he wants with her. It is all a prayer, their worship, even his denial of her pleas. Her glides along him draw a grunt though, gnaws at his patience. She's proud but disconcerted. He's not talking? He always made a joyful noise when he loved her before. "Lover, you ok?"

"I'm," he catches her chin and turns her face into him. "I'm awestruck, Jo."

Their lips mingle just after the breath of his speech ends. She feels him shift behind her, line himself up, anoint his dick with her dew. "Baby?" He asks. She kisses him in an ecstatic state, nods like a sinner taking the wafer , even before he presses the tip in. When he does, she shivers in delight as they commune.

"Oh, lover!" She sings a hymn to their homecoming. Her melody and verse are sighs and moans. He harmonizes with her. Comes to a near crescendo, leads her to a refrain, slower, changes the song. She's on her back now, wide open and ready to receive his message. Instead, he rhapsodizes down her front body again, the chorus quicker. Her cunt is the receiver of his word, and his tongue does something magical while he leads her to the pre chorus. "Oh Harry. Your mouth!" She babbling and praying he doesn't stop, does stop, don't stop, please stop, until she cries an hallelujah.

Thank God she called.

She baptizes him when he takes her through the shakes back to heaven.

Her trance like state is barely broken when he comes to join her, join them. "Jo, you're glorious. I love you!" He swears his oath when he brings them back together. All of him within all of her, and creation too. She grips his face while he rocks into her, needing to see the riches of his eyes. The gold is electric there and she knows he will always come for her, her gold standard. That though he thought their preciousness gone, it was just underneath the weight of the world on top of them.

Now with him on top of her, they've found a new deposit. A shorter vein of richer gold.

They have to relish it, this gift, heaven on earth before it's over.

He does that thing, takes them to that plane, where time doesn't matter, the pandemic makes time sort of irrelevant anyway. What are mere hours between pilgrims?

They go through transfigurations, she's the altar, then the priest. Then him. In all sorts of shapes, their te deum unfolds, refolds, comes undone.

Jo is undone beneath him, unmade, and exhumed as his.

"You're so golden, Jo." He whispers into her ear when his joy and his energy run out.

He falls asleep on top of her, a fugue in the continuing rhapsody this interlude gifted them.

She cries a little, tears of joy. She doesn't want him to go yet. Not until Zoe comes home. That's when their clock runs out, their world ends. It's not fair to put her through it. Zoe missed him so much when he left. Asked about him ceaselessly, them regularly, still rarely.

Jo tells him so. "I'd like you to stay, through Sunday."

He holds her close and nods to nonexistent music in answer. The whole weekend is a symphony to what was, could be.

Some of their overtures are meals cooked for each other, cuddles on the couch, cusses in her bedchamber, a long afternoon with clothes on their backs and paintbrushes in their hands until they found a favored canvas in each other's skin.

He filled in the half heart he found on her with his tears, then with his kisses.

"Let's make a bigger one?" He suggested, and they used her camera, painted their paired halves whole on each other and photographed it. There are a few without looking their faces she will print out and frame, or put into one of the art books she is selling. She loves them so much, that they were complete for a while, she has to have proof.

They call each other by name, a lot. The names vary with the theme, the moment.

But, above all, Jo realizes he is the one she'd call, if she had only moments left. She'd spend them with him.

Their coda is her call and his response.

[tonydadisbestdad]

Making Her Cry

Peter ParkerxReader

Dad!Bucky

Word Count: 2,116

Request by anon: hi could you maybe write something where the reader is bucky’s daughter + dating peter and peter says/does something really stupid that makes her cry and bucky’s ready to kick some ass?

A/N: Sorry it took so so so long. I haven’t been able to catch time to sit down and bang this out. Anyway, here’s something a little different than I’ve done before. I never thought of dad Bucky to reader tbh. Enjoy.

Also ignore the excessive spacing because I DO NOT KNOW WHY IT LOOKS LIKE THIS and I ain’t fixing it.

When you and Peter started dating, it was a dream come true. As the years progressed, things started getting exceedingly more difficult. You’d been together for 4 years (longer if you considered the snap). High school had passed now and you were two years into college.

Between classes, Peter being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man to New York, and you dealing with top secret missions with the team, well, things weren’t exactly getting any easier.

Plus the fact that your dad, James Buchanan Barnes, did not like Peter did not help either.

But even with all the bad, the two of you still tried to have a date a week.

Except you were currently going on your fourth week in a row that Peter’s blown your date off. Normally, you’d understand but this time felt different. You’d waited an hour at the restaurant in the city you’d picked. Always giving leeway, you waited. When an hour hit you called him. It rang once before going to voicemail.

Which was strange to you. It meant he either had his phone in hand and rejected the call, or he was in his suit and he didn’t have his a.i. tell you he was unavailable. Either way, it meant that he rejected your call.

You wouldn’t have minded so much if he’d just let you know somehow what was happening. But as you called again and again, the same thing happened. The phone would ring and you’d be sent to voicemail. Sometimes it rang longer or shorter, but the end result was voicemail. You even texted him, but still nothing came back.

It hurt, and you tried to understand something was going on but something in the back of your mind was causing you doubt.

You ordered dinner for yourself and went back to the tower. You checked to see if Peter was there, but you didn’t find him. So, you went and changed before going to bed. Hoping your boyfriend was alright.

The next morning you were eating breakfast alone, when a fairly happy Peter walked in. His face fell upon seeing you.

You looked away from him, deciding to give him the cold shoulder ass he did you the night before.

“H-Hey Y/N,” he greeted, rubbing the back of his neck.

You continued ignoring him, you didn’t want to start yelling and lose your cool so quickly.

“Come on, don’t give me the cold shoulder, I can explain…” he went over and sat across from you.

You looked at him again, letting the hurt show. “No answers, no calls, no texts… nothing Peter. So, please tell me what I did to deserve to be stood up for a fourth week in a row and without even receiving an excuse this time!” So much for not flipping your lid, you thought to yourself.

He looked like a kicked puppy but you felt like he was stomping on your heart.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer… or get back to you… something came up and I forgot and I didn’t answer because I didn’t have time to talk… if I remembered it was supposed to be date night I wouldn’t have ignored you.”

“Only if you remembered it was date night?” You countered. “So it’s alright to ignore me any other time is it?!”

He winced. “I didn’t mean it like that…”

“But that’s what you just said. So please, tell me what was so important that you couldn’t even just send me a quick text, hm?”

As he sat there, your lashing out made him realize that no, he didn’t have a good excuse.

You rolled your eyes at his silence. Shaking your head you stood. “What the fuck are we even doing if you can’t even tell me we have to change a date again? If you didn’t want to be with me I'd rather you have said it than stand me up and let me sit in a place for over an hour alone.” The tears slid down your cheeks before you could stop them.

He called after you as you rushed off. When he didn’t follow after you, you just assumed that what you said was true. That he didn’t want to be dating you anymore. It hurt terribly so and had you sobbing on your way back to your room.

Peter’s eyes and chest were filled with panic, his spider sense was raging in the back of his skull. He’d gotten up to go after you, but was stopped short as Bucky round the corner from the hall you hadn’t just gone down.

His glare was hard. Peter had been on the end of his glare plenty, your father hated him, but this glare was murderous. And Peter knew, if Bucky wanted to end his life he would without a care in the world. He’d hide his body and no one would ever find him. Super villains be damned, none of his foes were as killer as your dad was.

Bucky waited until he heard your door shut. The sounds of your sobs as you ran down the hall broke his heart and urged his rage on.

“M-Mr. Barnes…,” Peter started, backing up slowly, ready to run if he needed to.

“Parker,” Bucky ground out, taking a step towards your boyfriend.

“P-please just… let me explain before you attack…”

“Seems to me like you didn’t want to explain to Y/N, so why should I give you a chance to make up some lie that you’ll beg me to believe? Why shouldn’t I strangle the life out of you this very second for making my little girl cry and feel like she’s worth nothing to you, hm?” He stalked closer. “Because I am this close,” he pinched his fingers of his non-flesh arm together in front of Peter’s face. “To knocking your jaw off your face.”

“I-I know I don’t deserve it b-but I lied to her… b-because if-if I told her the truth I’d really ruin everything…”

“Do you think that matters to me? You made Y/N cry. Truth or lies… Ha, like I care. Seems your truth would have screwed everything up either way, so why should I even give you a chance?”

Peter’s panic rose to it’s breaking point as Bucky had gotten even closer to him and in his face. He looked away from the man, wincing. “I-I was gonna propose.” His words came out quickly.

Bucky was almost sure he didn’t hear him correctly, “What?”

Seeing a chance with the surprise he laid on your father he continued. “I was gonna ask Y/N to marry me but I was panicking, which made me late, but then Rhino was causing trouble not far from the restaurant and so I went and well while I was dealing with him I lost the ring and kept sending Y/N to voicemail because I knew if I answered she’d know something was majorly wrong and-and I just couldn’t deal with having to handle her being super disappointed with me for missing another date when I was literally scouring 3 blocks of the city to find the ring. And I couldn’t tell her all that because I didn’t want to ruin something that was supposed to be more than just a date I-I couldn’t, but I-I didn’t think she’d think it was because I don’t want to be with her, so please, let me go talk to her at the least before you strangle me to death or whatever torture you want to put me through because I need her to know how sorry I am.”

Bucky barely caught more than 10 words of what Peter said. He was going to propose to you. He wanted to marry his little girl and he hadn’t even asked him. Of course, Bucky knew why, he’d just say no because of how much he hated Peter. But he could at least have the decency to have tried before doing it.

The moment was tense and quiet. Neither man wanting to break the silence.

But Bucky finally did. He grabbed the front of Peter’s shirt. “As much as I hate you… Go fix this, because I won’t be responsible for taking her happiness away if you’re what makes her happy.” He released Peter. “But I swear to God. Make her cry ever again and we’ll be having a much different conversation.”

Peter took the chance. “Thank you!” He ran off towards your room and knocked on your door.

You’d been curled up in your bed crying. When you heard the knocking at your door you wondered why he was coming now, so after the fact.

“Y/N please answer! I’m sorry I didn’t come after you right away! Your dad cornered me! Please just let me explain everything!”

You got up and opened the door. You wiped at the tears on your face. “Just go Peter, we don’t need to talk about any of this… If we’re done, we’re done…”

“We are not done, He answered quickly. “I never want us to be done. I love you. I love you with everything I’ve got and I’m sorry for everything. I never meant for my lie to make it seem like I don’t love you. I… I’m gonna tell you the truth because nothing can be worse than you thinking we are somehow breaking up… or that I don’t want to be with you… It killed me last night to blow you off… I was freaking out and running late because of it and I ran into Rhino and I-I lost something really important that I needed and I couldn’t answer you because I knew you’d know something was wrong and you know I don’t have a filter when I’m freaking out about something and I didn’t want to spill what I was doing because I didn’t want to ruin anything…” He took a breath as he watched your face for any kind of reaction. He rubbed the back of his neck.

You look was rather unforgiving. You didn’t want anymore lies from him. Nor did you care about his truth now. He’d hurt you either way. Even just for making you believe that’s what he wanted when he didn’t follow you.

“I would have gotten here sooner to explain,” he rambled on as if he was reading your mind. “But your dad started threatening me in the kitchen and I couldn’t get away until I explained it all to him. Doesn’t it mean something that he let me come find you to explain? You know he’s been waiting for a chance like this…”

You rolled your eyes. “How do I know you’re notl lying to me right now?”

“You can’t,” he said truthfully. “But you can talk to your dad later. Right now I need to know we’re okay. I need you to know how much I love you.” He took a step closer to you.

You took a step back.

“Y/N,” He said quietly. “I will get down on my knees and beg if I have to.”

“Do it then.” You weren’t sure why you said it, but you wanted him to work for your forgiveness.

He didn’t even hesitate, which surprised you slightly. You knew he had to be serious, so you asked the question nagging you.

“What happened that you didn’t want to answer me?”

His nerves began to get to him, but he still managed to dig in his pockets. “I lost something that I needed and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise I had but I needed what I lost so I had to search 3 streets to find it. And I lied this morning because I still didn’t want to ruin it. But no chance do I want to break-up. I love you. And if… if you can forgive me…” He switched to be on one knee instead of two. The ring in his palm to be between his fingers. “If you can forgive me, would you marry me?”

Your eyes widened and it felt like your heart stopped. Tears sprung back into your eyes.

He was looking at you with such a worried look, he didn’t want to lose you.

You could feel it. You sunk to your own knees and hugged him tightly.

His arms wound around you, like he’d lose you if he didn’t hold on tight enough. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you too, Peter,” you said. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

“Man,” Your father’s voice said from down the hall. “I was really hoping you’d say no! Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”

You and Peter both chuckled softly.

Wanna be tagged? Just ask! Will tag when I am able to but I’m posting from mobile and it’s annoying

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

BTS after a breakup

Hyung Line

Part 1 of 3

Again, my sister and I talked about this and I'm dying to write more imagine

What BTS would be like after you break up with them (various reasons based on the member) maknae line coming right after

Warnings: so much angst, mentions of a panic attack and depression, cursing, alcohol as a coping mechanism

Word Count: 2,953

Namjoon (RM)

He was too busy, never home, never having time to text you or Skype with you, and eventually, it wore on you

You'd been together the better part of two years, and he was in no way expecting you to leave while he was on tour, not ready to face him

Namjoon comes home after not being able to reach you for a couple of days and he's can tell something's wrong when he unlocks the door of the apartment you shared

It doesn't even smell like you anymore, that scent of lilac from the body wash he bought you for every birthday

His heart is heavy when he walks to your bedroom and your closet is empty

Honestly, not many people would know what a mess he was underneath his leader facade

He'd keep up with everything, but he wouldn't be sleeping, your absence in his bed making his heart ache

Yoongi would be the first to know when he went over to work on lyrics and Namjoon was asleep on the couch, knowing he would never take that lumpy thing over the plush bed

Namjoon hadn't even told the members that you'd broken up, and Yoongi didn't push him, just put a hand on his shoulder and watched him fall apart, being there if he was needed.

He wouldn't try to contact you for a while, knowing all the reasons you ended it were valid and nothing he could fix easily

It was two weeks after you'd moved out when you woke up with a few novel length texts, telling you in poetic prose about how sorry he was that he couldn't be there for you, how much you meant to him and how much he missed you

You could tell from the few typos that he'd been hitting the champagne a little hard and you wiped away your tears as you texted him back.

"I'm so proud of you for all your accomplishments and I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. I'll always love you, Joonie."

Namjoon received your text at dance practice, and let me tell you, it did not help in any way, shape, or form

It felt like all the oxygen had suddenly been sucked out of the air and he was embarrassed for having a full blown panic attack in front of the boys, who were all alarmed, helping in any way they could

When he came clean about what was going on, he hated the pity in their eyes

They knew he'd lost the best thing that'd ever happened to him

You thought that things would be easier for him when you were gone, that he wouldn't have to deal with your problems and neediness on top of all of his other responsibilities, but you were dead wrong

He'd lost his safe harbor, the one place he could go that was quiet and still, where he could get peace

He'd loved being there when you'd take care of him, made sure he'd eat by making him breakfast, made sure he'd sleep by snuggling up next to him

He felt like he didn't know how to do this alone, felt like he was drowning

The only thing he knew to do was to drink a bottle of champagne once a week and text you until he felt a little better

You didn't call, didn't answer when the boys tried to call you

They were your friends, but you needed time

You couldn't bring yourself to block Namjoon's number after all you'd been through together and you kept getting those novel length texts, once a week, like clockwork

Your heart ached every time, but you didn't know how to be strong enough for him

All you could do was respond in the only way you knew how.

"I'm so proud of you for all your accomplishments and I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. I'll always love you, Joonie."

You didn't know that it was a spear through his chest every time he read those words, week after week, wishing with all his heart that you'd have something more to say

Jin

The articles were everywhere, dozens of pictures of Jin, your worldwide handsome long term boyfriend, holding hands with a female idol

You knew that from time to time in your two year relationship, you'd fall prey to jealousy, since he was so far away on tour and he was so handsome and charming

You even know what a big flirt Jin was, but when it was the same girl, over and over, every picture, you knew something was different

You had reporters following you, asking how you felt about the breakup

Jin hadn't called you since the biggest article hit, although you'd tried to reach him a dozen times

You went to lunch with a friend of yours from another group, Changkyun, and more pictures were taken, reporters asking if this was your "new man"

By the time you got home, you were furious and hurt

When Jin finally called you that night, you were beyond shocked to hear the ice in his tone

"Have a long day, sweetheart?"

"Fucking right I have Kim Seokjin! There's reporters everywhere, what is going on?"

"I don't know, shouldn't I be asking you that?"

You were seething, your blood boiling, face turning red. "What...are...you...talking..about?" You said, teeth gritted in fury

"There's about a dozen pictures of you with that child from Monsta X from today! What, you thought since I was on tour you needed someone to keep you company? Warm our bed?"

You were speechless for a moment, unbelieving that he could be this stupid. You'd both had your ups and downs with insecurity and trust issues, both of you being quick to jealousy as you'd both been cheated on in the past, but this was ridiculous

You'd put up with so much from Jin and this girl who'd been seen together for weeks, and one day when you'd been out shopping with a friend, he wanted to act like this?

"Nothing to say, huh?" His voice was still cold but it broke at the end, and you knew he was genuinely upset instead of just being petty, and that made you even angrier

"Oh I've got plenty to say. For weeks I've been trying to talk to you about this bitch in all your pictures, the one the media is calling your new girlfriend. Weeks I've been pretending nothing is wrong as you brush off all my questions. So why don't you tell me something about that first, Jinnie?" You spat out his nickname like it was poison in your mouth

"Y/n, that's nothing and you know it. We're doing a collaboration...what, was this like, revenge?"

"Oh my God Jin nothing happened! You know he's my friend and the media wouldn't be calling him my new man if you hadn't been running around with that slut all month!"

"So you're not cheating on me?" He sounded uncertain for the first time but you weren't having it

"I fucking wish I had, Jin. At least then I'd be getting some dick instead of sitting around looking at pictures of you getting yours wet!"

"Oh, real mature, y/n, very funny." He took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry I overreacted but you were just standing really close together and-"

"He was protecting me from the horde of reporters asking me about your new girlfriend!"

"Oh, so he's protecting you, now?" He's angry again, and tears slip out of your closed lids

You're tired

Tired of feeling not good enough

Like every picture of him flirting with a fan might be the end

Tired of him accusing you when he might be the one guilty

"Look, Jin, this isn't right. I'm done."

"Wait. Wait what do you mean done?" He sounded panicked, and you started to cry harder

"We obviously don't trust each other, and with you gone all the time..."

"Wait baby we just need to talk about this. I'll be home next week and we can-"

"No. It's too late. This is stupid. I sit here praying for you to call me and tell me I'm the only one and every time I go out while I'm here alone you think I'm with someone else."

His tone changes, pleading with you

"Baby, I do trust you, I just...just wait until I get home, okay?"

"I'll be gone by then. I'm sure, Jin. I love you."

"Wait, please-"

You end the call and dry your eyes, starting to pack a bag

Maybe it was over for good and maybe you needed some time, but either way, what you had wasn't right

Jin had been eating in his room when he'd called you and he called you back frantically, over and over

You kept rejecting his calls so he texted you five, six, seven times

After an hour with no response he flipped the table over, cursing, sending ramen and kimchi flying across the room

When Namjoon burst in to see what was wrong, Jin had his head in his hands, shoulders shaking

"She's leaving me, Joon. She's really leaving."

Namjoon tried for hours to convince him that you were just angry, that when you got home everything would work out, and Jin wanted to believe his friend so badly

He still nothing from you all week, after leaving 20 panicked voicemails and countless texts

More pictures of you surfaced, hanging out with Changkyun

Jimin had seen them first and was showing them to the rest of the members in a hushed tone when Jin walked in and wrestled the phone from him, despite the other's trying to stop him

After he'd seen them, he'd been a mess, locking himself in his room and drinking wine until he was calling you again, sobbing that he was sorry, that he'd never so much as look at another girl again if you would just please not do anything stupid

You'd texted him, then and he scrambled for his phone with slow drunk hands

You'd taken it completely the wrong way or he'd been too drunk to express himself because your text was angry

"Something stupid like you did? Don't worry, Jin, since it's over now I can do whatever I want and so can you. Have a nice life."

When he tried to call you and explain, you of course wouldn't answer

He sent a series of increasingly misspelled texts but to no avail

His hands were shaking when he finally unlocked the door of your shared home, but he knew the instant he walked in that you were gone

Without unpacking, he curled up on your side of the bed and cried, wishing he could take it all back, anything he'd said to make you think he didn't love you or would ever cheat on you

He'd known you could both be cruel when you were angry, had said awful things to you during a fight, but he hadn't known your capacity for cruelty until 2am when he received a picture message from you

It was you, beautiful, dressed to the nines with Changkyun kissing your cheek, his arms around you, and suffice it to say that Jin's phone was not usable once he was done with it

You'd been drunk and angry when you sent the picture (staged, of course) and you were surprised you didn't get one back of Jin making out with that idol slut

You had been just a big a mess as he had been, especially after his near confession the other night

It was a tragedy of miscommunication and trust issues

Yoongi (Suga)

You'd snuggled up next to your long time boyfriend for the fourth time that week, and he kissed the top of your head when you rubbed your hand along the waistband of his sweatpants

"I'm tired, babe."

You'd heard that too many times in the two weeks he'd been home from tour, and all you wanted was a little attention, sexual or otherwise

"You're always tired," you grumbled.

He looked up at you, surprised. You weren't one to complain

"I'm sorry, babe. I'll make it up to you."

"When? Next time you're gone on tour for months? I just want to talk to you, Yoongi. I've been so lonely."

He sighed. "You want me to buy you a trip to the spa or something? I know I'm away a lot-"

"I don't want you to buy me anything, Yoongi! I just want you!"

You'd stormed out in a huff, knowing he would come after you

He didn't

For the first time he didn't come after you and talk you down, and you knew what that meant

You stayed out for hours, eventually going to your best friend's house in tears, asking to stay the night

It was 2am when he finally called, waking you up

"Where the fuck have you been? I fell asleep and-

"Asleep? You fell asleep? I just wanted to talk about us, our relationship, and you fell asleep?"

"Stop being so fucking dramatic, y/n."

Tears pricked at your eyes. "I know who you are, Yoongi, and I've never asked for much. I'm just starting to realize that maybe you really don't care."

"Babe, stop! Of course I do, you know how much I love you!"

"Do I? Because I've barely seen you in months and you're still this cold to me. I miss you so much when you're on tour, Yoongi, I shouldn't have to miss you when you're home."

"I miss you too, babe. I'm sorry, I just...."

"I don't know what I am to you anymore. Maybe... Maybe we need a break."

"We need a what?" His tone went low, almost dangerous.

"A break."

"I don't do breaks, babe, either you're in or you're out are you telling me you're out?"

He'd gone ice cold in the way he did when he was very angry, but you can't bring yourself to talk him down when you feel this unappreciated and unloved.

"Yeah. I'm out, Yoongi. See you around."

You hung up before you burst into tears, and you knew the mood he was in, he wouldn't call back

You were wrong, and he did, but you couldn't bring yourself to answer, turning your phone off

Curling up in a ball and trying to go back to sleep

Yoongi knew he could be closed off, but you were the one thing that he knew for certain, the constant in his life for the past two years

Normally, when a girl said she was done he didn't question it, but he'd never felt about anyone the way he felt about you, so he called you, he texted you, and after two days, he finally gave up

When Hobi came over to see why he wasn't answering his calls, he found Yoongi with his face puffy, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep

He approached slowly. "You wanna get lunch, pal?"

"Not hungry."

Hobi nodded, smart enough to realize that when something was really bothering him, Yoongi didn't eat or sleep

And he hadn't, not that he'd ever admit it, had barely slept an hour since you said those words

Food tasted like ashes in his mouth so he just smoked and wrote song lyrics, checking his phone intermittently to see if you'd called

"Where's y/n?" Hobi asked softly, and that was the final straw

Yoongi hung his head. "I...I don't know. I fucked it up, Hope. I fucked it up like I do everything else."

Hobi put his arms around his friend as he cried, wishing he knew a better way to help

Hoseok (J-Hope)

He thought maybe he could handle it better if he knew why you left

Why you just stopped responding to his texts and calls, why you'd looked like you'd been crying on your last Skype call, but like always, you'd held back from him, cracking a joke about being hormonal from PMS

He'd known something was wrong, but he'd been shocked when he'd come home a bit early from tour your things had been gone

Your note just said "I'm sorry" and nothing more

You won't pick up your phone and none of your friends know where you are and after almost two years of being together, you're just gone

Like you disappeared off the face of the Earth

He's about to panic and call the police when you text him

"I'm sorry I couldn't face you. I just can't do this anymore. I miss you too much and I can't be the sunshine you need. Let's be friends when some time passes, yeah?"

For the first time in his life, Hoseok has no idea what to say

Let's be friends? Friends after two years spent sharing a bed, sharing food and jokes and stories, being lovers and best friends?

All of a sudden he's angry, angry enough to punch a hole in the closet foor when he sees all your clothes are missing

Before he can bloody his knuckles he calls his friends, his brothers, one after the other and they offer advice and sympathy, and he feels a bit better

At least until the sun goes down and he's scrolling through the pictures of you on his phone, silly selfies and cute Snapchat filters

He wonders if he missed it between his happiness, his success

Missed the sadness deep down in your eyes or the way your hugs lingered a bit too long

When the tears come it's like a dam bursting, not just because you had left, but because he hadn't looked well enough to know you'd been on your way out

[subbyyang]

[WayV OT7 heavy on the Kunyang] Pt.1

Yangyang is upset. They were all busy with promotions and no one had paid any attention to him in such a long time...and when they finally get a day off and he thinks he’ll finally get some love from his members, especially Kun, he is informed by the older that he was taking Xiaojun on a date “something special just for the two of them”

“Can’t i go with you?” Yangyang’s voice is so uncharacteristically small, kun feels bad for him.

“I’m sorry, baby...next time we have a day off i’ll take you, okay?”

“But you pr...”

“Yangie, Xiaojun has been so good he deserves a reward...do you understand?” Yangyang gives a shaky nod and heads to his bedroom in silence.

“And try not to be a brat while we’re out, okay?”

————— 3 hours later —————

“Yangie...are you hungry?” Hendery peeked his head into Yangyang and Xiaojun’s bedroom.

“No”

“Are you sure? You haven’t had anything to...hey, what’s wrong?” Hendery notices Yangyang’s puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

“Do you think i’m bad? Is that why Kun doesn’t love me anymore? Why no one loves me anymore?” Fat tears roll down Yangyang’s eyes and Hendery feels as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

“What?? Yangie, you’re so good...what are you talking about?” Hendery runs to Yangyang, holding him in his arms.

“Kun promised he would spend time with me once we got a day off but he took Dejun out on a date instead...and he never pays attention to me anymore, he’s always with Xiaojun and just sends me away. And it’s not just him...i feel like you’re all getting annoyed with me lately...”

“No...Yangie, look at me...you are our baby, we all love you so much...” Hendery’s heart feels heavy as he lifts yangyang into his lap. He just couldn’t handle seeing the boy so upset “You could never annoy us, we love your little antics, your propensity for mischief...and so does Kun, i promise you.”

Yangyang can’t help the broken sobs escaping his throat and Hendery doesn’t know what else to do but yell for Ten to come to the bedroom.

“You better have a fucking good reason to be yelling...” Ten’s words die in his throat as he notices the scene in front of him “Yangie, what’s wrong? Hendery, what happened?”

Hendery quickly explains what happened, taking little pauses to give Yangyang small, comforting kisses. Ten starts running one hand through Yangyang’s hair, the other drawing calming circles on his thigh.

“Come here, baby...” Ten pats his lap and starts pulling yangyang onto it “Hen, go call the others please...”

“Maybe if i was good like Dejunie...” Ten doesn’t let him finish his sentence, interrupting him with a kiss to the lips, his hands caressing his cheeks “But you are good...our sweet baby, i’m sorry we made you feel like we didn’t love you...”

The door the bedroom opens with a loud bang as Lucas and Sicheng run inside, Lucas tripping on his own feet in his hurry to get to the bed where Ten cradled a sniffling Yangyang. Ten hands Yangyang to Lucas, making sure to keep touching him in some way.

“We’re here...shh, don’t cry, Yangie...we’re here and we love you...” Sicheng whispered in Yangyang’s ear. “We love you, I love you...so much, please believe us” he was not used to sharing his feelings like that so he expected to have a hard time letting the words out of his mouth. but he didn’t. It surprised him how easily i love you’s rolled out of his tongue so he just kept repeating them, over and over again.

“Yangie, I brought some food! I know you said you weren’t hungry but, please, eat something...can you do that for us?” Yangyang looks up to the door to see Hendery walking in with a tray of food and nods as a quiet “okay” leaves his lips.

“Good boy...so good for us, aren’t you?” Yangyang’s cheeks go bright red and he tries to hide his face in Lucas’s chest, the older enveloping him in a tight hug and kissing the top of his head. He looks back up when he feels someone tap his arm gently and sees Ten holding some food at the end of a pair of chopsticks. Yangyang shyly opens his mouth and lets Ten feed him, causing everyone in the room to coo and feed him too.

They spend some time like this, Yangyang comfortably perched on Lucas’s lap, leaning agains his chest, getting fed by the other members. At some point Ten gets up to fetch some water from the kitchen, praises falling out of his lips everytime his baby Yangie takes a sip. He was feeling warm and safe with them and started to believe that maybe...maybe they did love him, maybe he wasn’t bad.

But he still missed Dejun and Kun. He was scared of saying something and upsetting the others who were treating him so nicely but he needed his Kun. He had no reason to worry because before he could say something Sicheng suggested they call the older “Are you feeling better, sweetheart? Where’s your phone? Let’s call Kun and Dejunie so you can tell them you miss them, okay?”

Yangyang got up to get his phone from the bedside table and sat back down, this time between Sicheng’s open legs, leaning back against his chest when he felt Sicheng’s arms around his waist. He let out a contented sigh when he felt Sicheng’s soft lips on his neck. Still, he called Kun and waited while it rang. And he waited. And he waited. And he waited some more and then...it went to voicemail.

“It’s okay, Yangie...try again!” so he did. This time it only rang a couple of times before the call got rejected. Maybe third time’s the charm, right? It wasn’t. Once again Kun rejected the call. He didn’t have to wait too long until his phone vibrated.

From Kun-ge 💕💕 | 3:32pm

yangie...we talked about this! today is about dejun and you can’t keep interrupting, please don’t be selfish...

Yangyang felt his breath catch in his throat, his eyes watering once more, nothing else on his mind other than that word. selfish. selfish. selfish. selfish

He barely registered being turned around and placed in Sicheng’s lap, or the soothing rubs on his back, or the gentle words in his ear. He definitely didn’t notice Ten leaving the bedroom to call Kun himself. All he knew was that he was bad and Kun was tired of him.

——————

Calling KunKun 😈

Hey...why the hell is everyone calling me today?

Kun...you need to come home...

Why? Is something wrong?

Yangie has been crying since you left this morning...

Ugh he’s overreacting...I told him I would spend time with him next time we had a day off!

Yeah...you also promised him that same thing weeks ago, did you forget?

What? When did - oh no, oh no, oh no...shit, I completely forgot

Yeah...and we’ve all been ignoring him and he’s feeling like we don’t love him anymore. He was starting to feel better but your text really upset him...

Shit...I said he was being selfish and to stop interrupting our date...

Bit of an asshole move if you ask me...get your ass back home...quickly!

I’m on my way

Call ended 01:04

——————

Ten goes back to the bedroom where Yangyang is laying down, legs intertwined with Hendery’s and his face pushed against his chest. Hendery’s head is resting on Lucas’s legs and Sicheng is sitting behind Yangyang, petting his sides. Ten takes a moment to soak in the loving scene in front of him before joining them on the bed.

“Yangie baby, Kun is coming back home...”

“Is he mad at me?” Yangyang stares at Ten, with teary eyes and pouty lips.

“No baby boy, he isn’t...he’s mad at himself for hurting you...come here” Ten, once again, pulls Yangyang into his lap so the boy is straddling him. “I’m mad at myself too...making you feel ignored...” he leans down to kiss Yangyang. The kiss is slow and gentle, almost as an apology and Yangyang melts into it.

“I want some yangie cuddles too!” Hendery whines and pulls Yangyang away from Ten and kisses him too, much more hungrily and desperately than Ten.

“Not fair...you cuddled with him the most!” Yangyang lets out a small gasp as Lucas pulls him away from the other two and lays him down, settling on top of him. Lucas stops for a second to stare into Yangyang’s eyes with a loving gaze, before leaning down to kiss him too.

Sicheng watched as the two kissed. He really wanted to join but he didn’t want to interrupt the moment between them. Ten seeming to notice Sicheng’s dilemma, started to pull on Lucas’s shirt to get his attention. Lucas looks back at Ten who nods towards Sicheng, before turning towards Hendery and pulling him in for a kiss. Lucas smiles at Sicheng and motions him to join them. He pulls away just enough so Sicheng could lean down to kiss Yangyang softly, one hand on his hip and the other on his hair.

They stay like that for some time, trading kisses between each other, soft praises falling from their lips whenever they kiss Yangyang. Yangie felt so happy and warm and loved. He couldn’t help the small giggles or the rosy cheeks whenever one of the others kissed his nose or told him how pretty he was.

That’s the scene that welcomes Kun and Dejun once they get home. Kun focus his attention on Yangyang, lying on his back, tear tracks still visible on his blushy cheeks but a smile gracing his lips.

“Oh, look who’s home, baby boy...” Ten smiles sweetly at Yangyang as he helps him sit up.

“Yangie, I’m so sorry...I was such an asshole” Kun gets closer to the bed, Dejun following close. He kneels on the floor in front of Yangyang and reaches for his hands, kissing his nuckles.

“W-we got you a gift...” Xiaojun says in a small, sad voice. He lifts his arms to show Yangyang the teddy bear they got him “Can you forgive us?”

Yangyang smiles and nods shyly. “We’re gonna leave and give you guys some alone time” Ten lays a kiss on Yangyang’s lips and gets up from the bed, followed by Lucas and Hendery who each kiss one of Yangyang’s cheeks. Sicheng was last. He brushed some hair out of Yangyang’s forehead before leaving a gentle kiss there, then one on his cheek “I love you, never forget that” he whispered in his ear before finally joining the others and leaving the bedroom.

Yangyang smiled lightly and reached for the bear on Xiaojun’s hands, holding it close to his chest once he had it.

“Do you like it, sweetheart? Dejunie was the one who picked it”

Yangyang reaches out for Xiaojun once more, this time pulling him in for a kiss “I loved it...” he whispers against Xiaojun’s lips, barely parting the kiss before going in for another. Kun just stares lovingly at his two baby boys, now sitting side by side on the bed sharing kiss after kiss as he rubs their thighs. Eventually they break apart and Xiaojun whispers something in Yangyang’s ear, that kun doesn’t quite understand, which makes the younger boy blush before leaving the bedroom too.

“Can you hold me?” Kun feels a pang in his chest at the vulnerable look on Yangyang’s face. He almost trips over himself trying to get up from the floor when Yangie reaches out to him and whispers a simple “I need you”

Kun lies down on his side and pulls Yangyang close to himself, the younger desperately clinging onto him. Yangyang missed this so much, the warm, safe feeling of Kun’s arms around him, the light scratch of Kun’s fingernails on the back of his neck.

“I missed you so much...” Yangyang’s voice cracks and he can feel tears forming in his eyes once again. He had spent the day crying and he was so tired of it but that didn’t stop the tears from flowing.

“I know...I’m so sorry, baby” Kun feels Yangie’s tears wetting his shirt and his trembling figure trying to contain the sobs “Shh, don’t cry...I’m here now. I missed having you in my arms like this, baby boy” he holds Yangyang even tighter, rubbing comforting circles on his back. He leans down to kiss Yangyang’s forehead and the boy finally lets a quiet sob escape. “Shh I got you, I got you...how could I hurt my baby boy this much, huh?” Kun pulls away so he can look Yangyang in the eyes, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

“Am-am I a good boy?”

“Yes, Yangie...you’re such a good boy. You’re my good boy”

“Your good boy?” Yangyang looks up, a faint blush on his cheeks. Kun doesn’t remember the last time Yangyang acted like this, so shy and bashful. He was usually much more feisty and bratty, but always good. Always, always good.

“Yes, my angel...my good boy.” he holds onto Yangyang’s face, making sure Yangie is looking at him “I love you so much that just thinking how much I upset you makes me sick. I know my actions haven’t really been matching the words these past few weeks but I promise I’ll do better” Kun leans down and kisses him, packing all his feelings into it. He kisses him all slow and gentle at first as if Yangyang could break at any moment but soon Yangyang’s hands are on his chest and he is looking at Kun with so much hope and love in his eyes. “Let me show you how much I love you, baby boy...I’m gonna take care of you tonight” he gently pushes Yangyang flat on his back and hovers over him for a moment before leaning down in a desperate, longing-filled kiss.

[mayaparker]

Not My Spirit;

Maya “Chaotic Dumbass” Parker, @scarlettxruby and @rydenbolt find themselves inside a Victorian asylum 

When Ruby woke up, it was dark. Nothing strange really, other than her room was never this black. There was always light from the windows streaming in, both day and night. And while darkness didn’t bother her since even then she could usually see, something about this darkness was... wrong. Ruby sat up. The sheets beneath her hands were wrong too. They were thin and scratchy, not at all like her own soft ones. The smells were... Ruby wrinkled her nose. Antiseptic and something else... Her heart beat just a bit faster. No way. No fucking way. She knew that smell. It was something she'd never forget. Just when she was about to stand, a slash of light split the darkness. "Oi... wakey wakey little lady," an oily voice said from the square of light set into what had to be the door to the room. Something hard tapped against something metallic. "No funny business like yesterday, or you'll go back in the chair. Got it?" Ruby was so shell-shocked that she could only nod as the door opened and a man in dirty white coveralls - flanked by three others dressed just the same - stomped towards her. By the time he had the manacles around her neck and wrists - at least partly silver, since they burned the moment they touched her skin - Ruby was just beginning to realize what was going on. This had to be another pocket verse. She was led out - barefoot and in nothing but a shift (a /shift?/ what year was this supposed to be?) - and down the hallway. Hands reached out of the small openings in the doors lining the hall, and here and there people sat along the wall, some dressed properly, others not so much. But the clothing was... "What year is it?" Ruby asked as she was marched along. The man ahead of her snorted. "Losing track of time now too, love? Aren't you just a peach." He spat into the corner. "It's 1899. Least 'til the morning. Then it's a new century. Gonna be one helluva row tonight amongst your lot I s'pose. Warden says we gotta take extra care of the ones what causes trouble." He glanced back at her. "See the new year in right proper. If you catch my meanin'." The yellow-toothed grin he shot at her did nothing to alleviate Ruby's fears.

Maya walked up to Ruby's house with an increasing sense of dread. The pocket universes were popping up all over town, each one seemingly more dangerous than the last. She approached the front door and tried to call Ruby again. It went to voicemail. Again. With a deep breath, she tried the front door and found it unlocked. She stepped inside and the room spun. When it came back into focus, she found herself in a dirty stone building. "Well, that explains that," she muttered to herself. She treaded carefully down the hallway, looking for Ruby or whatever monsters might be lurking here. As she walked, she realized it was some kind of asylum. From a table she picked up a large syringe. Dangerous thing to leave lying about. She turned a corner to see four men leading Ruby down the hallway. "Yeah, I'm going to have to insist that one gets discharged. Effective immediately."

Once Ruby saw where they were, she tried to backpedal. "Let go..." she said, struggling a bit in the orderly's hold. The old stone walls and the smell of antiseptic and unwashed bodies hit her full on as they entered the corridor. "Let me go!" She pulled hard, breaking the grasp of the man holding the chains. "Oi! I said no trouble!" he snapped. Something hit Ruby hard in the back, sending a jot of pain through her limbs. She staggered, nearly falling to her knees. "There now, see? That's better..." The orderly gestured to bring her along, and they dragged her down the corridor, stopping only when another figure stepped into view. "Get outta the way, girl." The first orderly gestured with his billy club. "Go back to your room."

"Um, no?" Maya replied. She was doing some quick calculations in her head, but she needed more information. She tried to see past the orderlies to determine how much help Ruby might be able to offer. It might not be as much as usual considering her history with asylums. But if Maya could at least distract a couple of them. A shout from behind her drew her attention for a second, but she wasn't sure if it was from a patient or an orderly. All Maya could do was try to solve the situation in front of her. "Like I said, you're going to be letting her go now," she repeated.

"Wha'??" The orderly stopped, looking at Maya as if she'd grown a second head. "Are you deaf, girl? I said, back to your room. Or I'll smash those pretty teeth in and send you back meself." He took a step towards her. He was a large, bulky man, lots of poundage that might've once been muscle, but still much larger than Maya. Ruby had come around a bit, though her entire body ached from the jolt in her back. This wasn't the same as when she'd been a patient, she told herself. Or tried to. Her head was foggy. This was some reject movie set. Some Victorian nightmare that didn't really exist. And she wasn't a helpless human this time. But she needed to get the silver chains off before she could be any help. "Maya..." Ruby called. "Belt..." The key to her shackles was on the orderly's belt.

"That's very rude," Maya replied. This was an old trick for her. If she could just distract the man long enough for Ruby to get away or for someone else to intervene, it would be fine. Winning the fight was not priority. Anyway, the man walking toward her was much bigger than she was, but she was certain that she was smarter. Maya didn't look at Ruby when she mentioned the belt. She only nodded, almost imperceptibly. She waited, posed for a fight. When he finally lunged for her, Maya ducked and used his own weight against him. He went sprawling to the floor. She used that moment to yank the keys from his belt. More shouting echoed down the hallways. Maya turned to look at Ruby again, keys in hand.

Asylums in that day and age were full of dark, creepy secrets - mostly the kind respectable families wanted to put away but some... Some were circus show material. Stuff horror movies were made of. And they always got shoved down a basement, locked up and key thrown away. St Agnes asylum had its own beast in a cage, chained up and forgotten until the single daily mealtime it was entitled to just to keep it alive. Him, it was a him, though most of the staff had forgotten. That was the number one mistake they've made - you should never lock up and just forget about the thing that needed a cage to contain it. At some point, he'd be rattling that cage hard enough for a screw or two to come loose. And then it was only a matter of when utter chaos would be unleashed. The shouts down the hallway belonging to the wards of the asylum soon turned into screams. Something got out, something that didn't belong even among the craziest of nutheads, rapists and murderers that plead insanity to get off the gallows.

Ruby waited as patiently as she could, trying to be still and compliant so the other guards would focus on Maya and the man in front of them instead of her. The man wasn't all that smart, and he certainly wasn't fast. So when Maya finally slipped by him and snagged the keys to her shackles, and she felt the attention of the two men shift to Maya, Ruby finally reacted. She'd been slowly wrapping the chains around her arm. It burned, but she would heal. So when she spun and swung at the first man's head - the man with the cattle prod - she connected with a solid 'thud.' He went sprawling, dropping the prod that went skittering across the stone floor. The second man lunged for Ruby, but she ducked him, leaping on his back and wrapped the chain around his neck. She pulled hard, cutting off the man's air. "Prod!" she yelled at Maya as the fourth man went for it. The screams that found their way up the hall drew Ruby's attention as the man struggled in her grasp. They were different sorts of screams. The kind that you ran away from, not towards. "Maya..." Ruby said again, still shaking the fog from her head.

Maya felt a yank as the man tried to trip her. She responded by kicking down hard. He groaned and let go. Starting towards Ruby, she watched as her friend sent one of the men to the floor. A second Ruby seemed to have pretty well under control. Her shout didn't meant much to Maya though. In her second of confusion, the fourth man grabbed the prod and shoved it into Maya's ribs. She shouted as the electricity crumpled her to the ground. The shouting grew louder. Maya pulled herself to her feet. "I think we're going to have company," she said in a hoarse whisper with a nod to Ruby. The man who had just electrocuted her seemed to have the same idea as he turned his attention to the end of the hallway.

Ruby wasn't keen on killing, but in this case - especially since these fucks weren't real - she would make an exception. As Maya got tazed, and the shouts from down the way grew louder and closer, Ruby gave a quick yank on the chain. There was a wet, snapping sound as the guard jerked once and grew still. Ruby let him fall to the floor before turning to Maya and the other guard. He was pale as a sheet, and when something ran towards them - something covered in blood and torn clothing, fleeing for its life - the guard forgot about Maya and Ruby, dropped the prod, and fled back down the hall. Ruby wasted no time uncuffing herself with the key Maya had, and then helped her friend to her feet. "Yeup. We should go..." Snagging the prod from the floor, just in case, Ruby backpedaled a bit, searching for a way out.

His progress was slow down the hallway, because at every step, there was something that bravely but foolishly tried to charge at him only to end up smashed into the wall. They were mostly people, people the beast didn't give two shits about. After all, he wasn't one of them, didn't think of himself as one of their kind. They were meat and bones to chew on. And being locked up for so long made him hungry. So very, very hungry... The man in front of the best faltered, a prod half raised in a poor attempt to strike but he had second thoughts halfway through. What stood in front of him would make anyone second-guess their life choices. Neither man nor animal, part wolf and part human, jaw full of bloodied teeth and claws sticking out of fingertips. The ward let out a sound, squealing like a pig before the beast jumped him and tore into his big fat belly, muzzle digging in deep. They slid down the corridor for a few feet, propelled by the speed with which the beast collided with the man and when they came to a stop, that's when Maya and Ruby would see it - a big, black wolf-man, neither here nor there in his transformation, feeding on the still twitching soon-to be corpse of one of the orderly of the asylum.

Maya was all for getting the hell out of there. Clearly whatever was coming was worse than the orderlies and she did not want to meet it. Slowly, she backed down the hallway, looking for a weapon or an exit. But she wasn't about to turn her back on whatever this was. She froze when it came into view at the end of the hallway. It looked like...But it couldn't be... "Ruby," she whispered, "I think that's Ryden." She only had a glimmer of recognition because he'd semi-shifted for her once before, in the abandoned cabin over a year ago. But this was different. Whatever he was now was not what he had been then.

Maya was right. This was not the Ryden they both knew. Nor the wolf who was the member of Ruby's pack. This was The Beast - the embodiment of the demonic ritual Ryden was exposed to on the day he'd been bitten. It was the thing the horror movies tried to portray, the thing that gothic literature attempted to describe - poorly in comparison to what was feeding in front of them. When it hollowed out the man's stomach cavity, he stood back on his hind legs to a height so impressive he made ceiling look closer to the floor. He dwarfed everything around him. Curled fingers were more paws than hands, long claws painted crimson. His slobbering snout was dripping with blood. He let out a terrible howl that shook the corridor and all its adjacent rooms. And then his attention turned to the next thing that was moving.

Ruby knew it was Ryden. Even as twisted and horrible as the creature was, she could smell her friend beneath it. Barely there, and without any consciousness of the man he really was, but there. This was the thing she'd never seen. The Dark she smelled in him at times. "It is," she told Maya. "But it's not him either. It's..." She shook her head, keeping hold of Maya's arm and backing slowly away. You never ran from creatures like this, as it only drew their attention. The gore and the horror didn't bother Ruby. It was the not rightness of the creature that bothered her. No wonder Ryden felt the way he did about it. And what better place for it to come out than this?? The howl shook the walls, and the wolf inside Ruby stood up, lowering her ears and growling. But it would be no match for the beast down the way. Better than either Ruby or Maya, but still a much weaker creature. "Do not run... find a doorway... something... before he-" It was too late. The Beast saw them.

Maya nodded, eyes never leaving the creature that used to be their friend. She didn't move as Ruby tugged at her arm. But it wasn't fear that froze her in place. Not at first. She couldn't just walk away. They couldn't leave Ryden in this place. Fear replaced her concern though as it howled. She swallowed. "Fuck," she whispered. Ruby, in her wolf form, might have a hope of outrunning it. Maya human as she was had no chance. As her mind raced to come up with an alternative way of not being ripped apart, she remembered her experiments with Faye. "I have one very bad idea," she whispered to Ruby.

The beast lowered himself to all fours, to creep better towards them, stalking with his grey, glowing eyes pinned on his next two targets. He seemed to be grinning, but it was just a snarl giving way to too many sharp, deadly teeth. He lowered himself all the way down to the floor, ready to pounce, because their heartbeats were enough to set him off. A low growl announced a deadly leap in their direction.

Yes, they could just walk away. Ryden wouldn’t be left here. He’d be spit out along with them once they did whatever it was they were here to do. But if he got spit out like this... “If it involves trying to talk him down, it won’t work. Ryden’s not in there.” She didn’t want to leave him either, but the wolf in her screamed retreat. She was brave, but not foolish. Ruby tugged harder on her friends arm. “Maya...” Ruby would shift if it came to it, and do what she could. At least she had a chance of maybe slowing the creature down, drawing its attention. Maya was just a soft morsel, unless she had something up her sleeve.

Maya looked away from the creature to give Ruby a look. She might be stupid sometimes, but she wasn't /that/ stupid. She turned quickly back to face the wolf man though, knowing better than to take her eyes off it for long. She took an involuntary step back as the wolf shifted onto four legs. "More like using my magic touch," she added. It was fully fear now that had her frozen to the spot. She needed to move. Part of her brain was screaming at her to move. As for her idea of a plan, it had sounded crazy in her head, but it sounded even more so when she said it out loud.

The beast leaped and a quick swipe of his massive arm had Maya pushed out of the way like she was nothing but a rag doll to him to throw around. Maybe he had sensed a shadow of a threat in the wolf lurking within Ruby and she was the first one he went for, circling her as if to challenge her. Then his first strike fell, slamming straight into her to bring her down to the floor, aiming to bite into her neck. That was how the wolves hunter prey smaller than themselves - they went straight for the neck, for the kill. The supernatural strength in her arms was the only thing that kept him at bay, jaws snapping mere inches away from her face. She was screaming for Maya to get away, to run.

Ruby shoved both hands hard against the beasts neck, holding him back with every ounce of strength she possessed. The muscles in her arms strained, and hot slobber dripped onto her face. “Run!!” She screamed at Maya, growling at the beast above her. She couldn’t shift like this. She’d be ripped apart the moment she was vulnerable. But Maya didn’t run. Instead, she did the opposite, throwing herself at the creature. She was no match for him strength wise. Ruby kicked at the beast with her legs, but she was pinned. “Put him out!” She yelled at Maya, knowing some of what her friends magic might do. She would shift if she could get away, but she needed space.

Maya found herself suddenly on the floor again. Pain blossomed in her ribs. She shut her eyes against the tears that sprang to them. It was enough though to break her out of the fear that had grabbed hold of her. "Ruby!" she shouted as she saw what Not Ryden was about to do. Despite having just argued that she wasn't that stupid, she leapt forward and wrapped her arms around the creature, trying to pull him away. She felt, among many other things, the electric shock that accompanied her accidental use of magic. It was a begging for calm and peace that she felt from the bottom of her heart. It was instinct without fully understanding what she was doing. Her conscious focus was on trying to drag him off of Ruby.

Maya was just a flea attaching itself to the massive, fur-covered bulk of Ryden's back and for a second, it seemed unlikely that she'd be able to do more than a flea would. If they were lucky, she wouldn't annoy him enough to shake her off with a kick. But the deadly jaws stopped snapping at Ruby as she fought her best to push him back, her trembling arms ready to give in any second against the sheer weight and power of the beast. Ruby could now see the dilated pupils in the silver of Ryden's eyes shrink as he blinked, confused by the electric shock of magic Maya sent through his body. It was making him feel things other than endless rage the beast fed and thrived on. With a huff alike to a massive sneeze, the beast scuttled off Ruby, hunching and whining as if hit by some unseen force strong enough to kick him away. Ears flattened, he curled up in a corner, ducking his face under a paw as if to hide it.

Something happened then, and Ruby saw something in Ryden’s eyes shift. She felt the residual of whatever Maya had done as it fizzled over her too. The beast moved off, whining in a way that tugged at something inside her

Maya slipped to the floor as the wolf man let go of Ruby. She tried to breathe past the pain in her ribs. Her gaze quickly sought out the creature again, trying to see if it was going to attack. What she saw instead stole her breath. She looked down at her hands, realizing slowly what she had done. She swallowed. Without getting up, she picked her way carefully over to the creature. Maya was careful to make no sudden movements. "It's okay," she spoke softly, "We can help you. Did they hurt you?" It was a tone she would use with any injured animal. She trusted Ruby to recover, even shift if she needed to. First in Maya's mind though was making sure that the creature wouldn't attack again the minute their backs were turned.

She pushed to her feet, looking between the shivering beast that was her friend, and the witch that was also her friend. “Be careful,” Ruby told Maya. “I’m gonna change, just in case.” There was the span of less than a minute where Ruby changed into her lupine counterpart. She shook herself, breath steaming in the cold air, but stayed where she was. She lowered her head, ears forward towards the other creature, and whined. ~Hurt you?~ she echoed Maya, stepping close to the witch. ~Bad people.~

The beast whined, lowering himself all the way down against the wall. What would be soft cries coming from any other animal, they resonated loudly out of him in an unnatural, guttural way. Long tongue licked at his wrist where he was bound before, all those long long years in a dark basement, as any animal would when injured, in pain or distress. You could almost think that it was an animal like any other, abused, misunderstood and just wanting to live. Maya sent out calm, and calm he was, but only for a moment. Very very brief moment. A snarl bubbled up from within him again and angry, murderous eyes focused on Maya. Whatever they thought they saw, it was gone or wasn't in there to begin with.

Maya noticed the marks on the creature's wrists as it licked them. "We can get you out of here. Get you somewhere no one will hurt you anymore," she continued. She clamped her mouth shut to keep from swearing as it brought its gaze back up to her. Whatever moment of calm was gone. Again she needed to run, but knew that sudden movements would only make things worse. She stopped. "Okay, never mind," she said in the same calm tone before reversing direction.

The wolf gave a warning growl as the beast seeped back in. She took one step between him and Maya. ~No.~

Whatever this beast was, it said nothing in response to Ruby. Ryden's true wolf, although not a wolf of many words, was open to communication, to feelings. It was vibrant with emotions, as any living creature is. This thing was a black hole for anything but wrath. Nothing went through to him, not a friend, not an enemy, not a fucking baseball bat. It didn't feel fear, regret or sorrow. He was rage incarnate, one of the seven deadly sins in its true form. And he went at Ruby full force again, claws into her snow white fur, teeth bared for her neck.

Maya couldn't help, but scream again as the creature lunged for Ruby. Any emotional confusion about wanting to help her friend evaporated. There was nothing left of Ryden in this thing. The only way to actually help him would be to get the hell out of this pocket universe. Without killing Ruby of course. Maya pulled herself to her feet. She wasn't sure it would work twice, but she had to try. They just needed to space to get out of this place. She took a deep breath, focusing this time. Hoping that it was too much focused on Ruby to pay much attention to her, Maya took a step forward and attempted to lay a hand on the creature.

Ruby felt the impact like a runaway train, claws and teeth piercing flesh that had already started to heal. The wolf ducked to the side, using her smaller form to sidestep a bit. But he still grabbed her and held on. She clamped her teeth over the side of his head, one ear and one eye obscured by her massive jaws. She tried to shake him, to toss him aside so they could run, but it was like trying to throw a mountain. Claws dug into her flesh, and Ruby yelped shrilly as something snapped. But she didn’t let go.

Ruby had another disadvantage - she wasn't shifted halfway through, had no opposable thumbs and if she stood up on hind legs, she could only do a trick dog lovers would aww at. Ryden was a human form with all the advantageous features of a werewolf. Ruby had everything going against her but her brave, strong heart and an urgency to protect a friend. A friend Ryden didn't mistakenly ignore this time. Maya did receive a kick this time, right into her stomach, shooting her to the opposite wall like a ball from a cannon. Ryden's hand found Ruby's sensitive underside, claws digging into the sensitive spot under her ribs. Just another push and he'd break flesh, reaching for her intestines. She fought back though, witch such fierceness despite the pain that Ryden couldn't keep a very good hold of her. Her slick fur was constantly slipping from his grasp, taking advantage of her smaller frame. So he caught ahold of her back leg and tossed her away like a dog-shaped toy. He didn't even wait for her to properly land before he rushed after her to fetch her in his open maw.

All the breath left Maya's lungs as the creature formerly known as Ryden landed a kick in her stomach. She skidded to a stop. Tears sprang to her eyes again. "Fuck," she wheezed. They had to get out. One of them had to get out. Maya had to tear her eyes away from the sight in front of her to look for any exit. A few feet to her right was an half open window. She dragged herself to her feet. Every movement hurt. She climbed onto the sill. One last time she looked back at the two wolves fighting. "I fucking hope this works," she whispered. "See you on the other side," she shouted, hoping to buy Ruby a distraction. Maya then turned and leapt from the window. It was only the second story. Not good by any means, but could be worse. A moment later she landed on soft grass and quickly tipped into a somersault. She ended up laying flat on her back, staring up at the cloudless sky outside Ruby's house.

It was pushing past the limits of dangerous. Ruby’s tender belly scraped raw from the claws that tried to eviscerate her even as she struggled and fought and tried to keep the beasts attention away from Maya. But the beast was part man, and Ruby wasn’t. He had advantages. All the advantages. And when she was tossed like a rag doll, dazed and ears ringing, she almost couldn’t get back up. She barely registered Maya’s form moving out of site, but the teeth and claws coming at her drew her attention. Blood ran from Ruby’s wounds, flecked the foam on her muzzle as she breathed heavily, but she pushed to her feet, teeth bared and limbs shaking, ready to meet him head on, if it would mean Maya’s escape, and hopefully both of theirs too. And then she was steaming and panting on the lawn.

The moment Maya had jumped out of the window, time in the pocket world seem to slow down, leaving Ryden in mid-leap after Ruby. What tumbled past Ruby wasn't the beast, but a limp, naked form of nothing but a man, unconscious to even brace himself for the fall. He rolled over the grass on Ruby's front lawn, the earth cushioning his fall and stayed down, sprawled on his side.

Maya heard with relief Ruby and Ryden on the lawn beside her. Turning her head to check on them, she found they were both naked. She should probably help with that. But she needed a second. Her ribs were screaming, but not quite loud enough to drown out the pain from her legs. "Alright, anybody dead?" she asked in a breathless almost laugh. They were out. The asylum was gone. There was going to be some fallout to deal with, but it could've been much much worse.

Ryden was unresponsive, lying sideways on the ground with his back turned to them. But the way he lay there didn't seem unnatural, like a dead body would sprawl. He was very much alive, just knocked out.

Ruby groaned, holding her own side and coughing wetly. There were long, bleeding gashes across her shoulders and belly, and she was barely holding on to consciousness.

"Okay, I'm taking that as a yes," Maya said as she pushed herself off the ground. She had to downplay it a little. After all the horror of it all was almost too much. She looked between Ruby and Ryden. He was unconscious, but at least seemed relatively uninjured. Ruby needed immediate medical attention. But Maya would need help for that. She could stop the bleeding if she could just get Ruby into the house. Using the last stores of her magic, she pressed a hand to Ryden's back, sending a shock of adrenaline through him. Hopefully it would be enough to wake him up. Immediately though she got out of the way, just in case. Moving over Ruby, Maya tore off her shirt to use as a makeshift and very temporary bandage.

It worked like a charm. For all intents and purposes, when Ryden was fully human, he was human all the way, super strength aside. He jolted up, stumbling with a yelp, like someone had just poured ice cold water on him while he slept. "Wha... huh... aah?!?!" He panted, frantically looking about himself. But he was used to it. Waking up someplace he didn't remember he was headed to, butt nekkid and confused was pretty much your every usual Thursday for him now. What was so totally wrong with this picture was Ruby on the ground, bleeding and Maya trying to fix that. "Shit... fuck!" He cussed under his breath, immediately going over to them. "What the fuck happened?"

“Ow...” Ruby murmured as Maya pressed on the wound. Her ribs and insides were mending like normal, but the rest didn’t seem to be improving much.

Maya spared a glance Ryden's direction as he leapt up. "I know," she said softly to Ruby, "I know it hurts." She looked back to Ryden. "I need you to help me get her inside," she half-ordered. But some of the authority was lost by the breathlessness of her voice. She couldn't take a deep breath without her ribs screaming in protest. But she just gritted her teeth against the pain. Ruby's external wounds weren't healing like they should and that took first priority.

Ryden nodded at Maya's instructions, carefully tucking his hands under Ruby to gently lift her up. "Hang in there babe, we'll fix it." He attempted to comfort her but it was secondary to getting her inside as carefully as possible. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and went for upstairs, where Ruby's bedroom was. The last time they were here, he'd stolen a wish he shouldn't have made.

Maya walked behind Ryden into Ruby's house, pain echoing with every step. She swallowed it and tried to keep the wincing to a minimum. While Ryden headed straight for the upstairs bedroom, she stopped in the bathroom for first aid supplies. She then followed them upstairs. Without hesitation, she went to Ruby's side to properly patch up her wounds. Ryden would get whatever he'd come up here for. Now that he was himself again, she could trust that.

Normally, Ruby was more worried about others than herself. But right now she didn’t have much choice. She groaned as Ryden lifted her, head rolling against his shoulder as he carried her inside. Her breathing wasn’t as labored anymore at least.

Putting Ruby down on the bed, Ryden immediately knew what he should be looking for. He rummaged through the same drawer he looked into before, back on that night when Ruby was bitten. As expected, he came up with a couple of blood capsules Ruby had stashed. She snapped one open for her, sitting on the bed to help her drink from the tiny vial.

After bandaging Ruby up, Maya moved on to her next task: clothing. She pulled out some loose fitting clothing and set it on the bed beside Ruby. It could wait until Ryden was done feeding Ruby from the capsules. She did her best as she moved around the room to cover up that she was injured. She dug through a few drawers before finding some jogging pants that might have a hope of fitting Ryden. She tossed them on the bed too. Finally, she sat on the edge of the bed, trying to breathe properly. The room had started to spin a little, but it would pass. She should get water. They could both use water.

The blood capsules were a precaution from when Ruby had been human. But they were still effective. She coughed slightly as Ryden poured the thick substance into her mouth. But she swallowed it down. It started to work almost immediately, though still a bit slower than usual. There would be some scarring, but Ruby could live with that. Finally she groaned again, opening her eyes to see Ryden’s face, his grey eyes. Not the beast or the wolf, but her dear friend. She weakly tipped her forehead to his, sighing wearily but in relief. “There you are...”

"What, have I been away." A smirk tugged on a corner of Ryden's mouth and he ducked down to press his forehead against Ruby's briefly, closing his eyes for a second against the touch. When he parted from her, he looked around to Maya, where she was sitting on the bed. He kept one capsule for her and was handing it over to her. "What's going on?" If she thought he hadn't noticed her injuries, she was mistaken.

Maya turned her head back to give Ruby a soft smile. "You scared me for a second there, Ruby," she said. She took the capsule from Ryden with a quiet thanks. She shook her head, "It was one of those fucking pocket universes. This Victorian era asylum," she explained before cracking open the capsule. She drank it down. Relief seeped through her immediately. It wasn't complete, but it was a hell of a lot better. Maya finally took a full deep breath. "I put some clothes out for you guys, if you want them," she added.

“Sort of,” Ruby said to Ryden, giving him a soft smile. “But you’re back now. And sorry ‘bout that,” she said to Maya. “It was fucked. Felt like... bad memories,” she huffed. “You good?” she asked the witch, seeing the capsule Ryden handed her.

Ryden regarded Maya for a good, long second until she drag the capsule till the last drop. "Thanks..." He mumbled, warm palm resting against Ruby's forearm. "And I'm guessing the reason I don't remember it is cause I wolfed out there." He concluded, all on his own. "Who did this to ya both?" He put he next awkward question out there, up for grabs for anyone willing to answer it.

Maya scooted up the bed to sit next to Ruby. She leaned back against the pillows. The fabric felt cool and soft against her skin. She'd abandoned her shirt to the floor once she'd gotten proper bandages. Eyes closed, she gave Ryden a nod, "You did." She didn't answer his second question though. It wasn't him, not really. "I'm okay," she said. She opened her eyes again. Her limbs felt heavy. She could breathe again, but she still felt sore all over. With her human rate of healing, it would probably be a few days before that fully faded.

Ryden sucked his bottom lip in, teeth biting in a little when Maya confirmed his fears. It wasn't the first time he'd hurt someone without even knowing. It wouldn't be the last either, he knew it. And now these two knew that as well. Good. It was just a matter of time when they'd stop calling and meeting up, having seen him in their nightmares too many times to handle him in reality. Good, good. Hardly any of these thoughts showed on his face as he grabbed the clothes Maya had found for him and started putting the ill-fitting sweats on. Tight as they were, they'd do the job. "Gonna grab ya water and stuff." He announced, going downstairs to the kitchen.

Ruby hummed in agreement that Ryden had indeed wolfed out, but glazed over the second part. “I’ll just be glad when these things go away,” she said of the pocket verses. It didn’t matter what or who had hurt them. It wasn’t him, that’s all that mattered. That and they were all okay now. “Good,” Ruby said to Maya, still leaning slightly against Ryden. She didn’t bother with clothes. She was too tired. But she watched Ryden go with a concerned look, listening to him moving around in her kitchen.

Maya shook her head as Ryden started to leave. "No, bed," she argued weakly. He was already gone though. "Me too," she agreed with Ruby. She then pushed herself off the bed. "I'll be right back," she said, "Get dressed if you want. It'll start to get cold soon." Maya padded downstairs. Her footsteps were louder than usual. She stopped and leaned against the kitchen doorway without a word.

“‘M’good,” Ruby murmured. Though as Maya followed after Ryden, she did reach to slowly pull what maya had laid out. Since she’d gone to all the effort. And apparently would be coming back with Ryden. Sleeping in a warm pile sounded like heaven right now. She could hear Ryden’s voice in the kitchen, and even though she tried not to, she couldn’t help but overhear.

The moment he'd heard Maya's shoulder hit the doorframe with inaudible, dull thud, Ryden turned the tap off, placing a glass of water down on the counter. "Your ribs are bruised. Not broken, but definitely bruised." He informed her, not because he could sniff out but because he knew how a person moved when their ribcage was in terrible pain. He wasn't turning around to look at her.

"You can say that again," Maya agreed. It wasn't the first time she'd bruised her ribs. She did sort of hope it was the last time though. She doubted it, but she hoped anyway.

"And Ruby and that gash she got... Was it a pocket world monster or... was it me?" Ryden asked, in that calm voice that asked for nothing but the truth and he wouldn't ask for it twice.

Maya knew that tone. She'd used that tone. "Trust me, that thing wasn't you, but yeah, technically it was you," she couldn't help but couch it. It wasn't him. After having looked it in its eyes, she had to say as much. "And, um, I did some magic on you. Sorry about that," she added as long as they were laying everything out on the table.

Ryden’s shoulders twitched as he snorted out a weak smile. "That's my girl... Good job." He'd usually very much mind if anyone practiced any magic on him he didn't voluntarily agree to. But in this case, he'd encourage Maya to throw all the fireballs and lighting bolts or whatever at him. Anything to keep him from hurting her and other people, because he couldn't stop make sure he didn't himself. He turned the tap water back on and poured another glass. He emptied it right after then filled it again.

Maya's lips tilted in a crooked smile. "Are you hurt at all?" she asked. She'd already scoped him out earlier, but he might be better at hiding it than she was. She watched his back too, trying to tell how he was doing. Not well, she guessed. But Maya didn't know how to help. Other than staying, she didn't know what she could do.

"Yeaaah. I'm like a cockroach. Indestructible." Ryden picked up two glasses of water, finally turning around. No one would've guessed at what had happened earlier just by his expression. He looked like a veteran to pocket universes, violence and friends in distress whom he'd almost killed. If he was troubled by it at least a little, he didn't let it show. "I guess I gotta pamper you two now, cause I got yer asses whooped. Ya shouldn't move much. It's gonna hurt hell of a lot more f'ya do."

Maya nodded. There wasn't much else to say on the point. She watched him turn, dark eyes soft and full of concern. There was nothing in his expression that suggested Ryden wasn't fine. But she knew what had happened. Maya managed a laugh and then winced. "You think this is my first rodeo?" she asked, "I can handle a couple of bruised ribs." She took one of the glasses from him and sipped. "C'mon," she gestured with a nod of her head towards the stairs, "There's a bed upstairs that's calling our names."

"I think you ride that bull too hard and too often for your own good,” Ryden said softly, letting her take a glass off him. "But yer not the only one t'blame." He followed her back to Ruby's bedroom, putting the glass he carried for Ruby on he nightstand and within reach.

Maya smiled a little brighter, "I'll get up to a minute one of these days." 

Ruby listened to the quiet conversation in her kitchen. She didn't think Maya would outright lie to Ryden - just as Ruby wouldn't - but to hear him ask outright if it was him that had hurt them was heartbreaking. Ruby knew it /wasn't/ him, not really. Just whatever was inside him that was /using/ him against his will. A parasite that needed out. She huffed a small laugh to herself though as Ryden mentioned them getting their asses whooped. It was true. She was gonna have to hit the gym apparently. As if it were that easy, of course. But then he and Maya were both coming back upstairs. Ruby murmured a soft thanks for the water, taking a small sip to get the bad taste out of her mouth before taking a longer one to help her thirst. She sunk back down under the covers afterwards, watching the others sleepily. "Ain't no blame to lay on nobody..." she said, shifting the covers if they were going to lay back down.

"Shut up, badly hurt losers ain't allowed to talk," Ryden spoke too softly for it to be anything but his usual way of showering someone dear with tough loving. Or rather, a convenient cover for the guilt he felt at seeing Ruby hurt but still ready to forgive. Wasn't he supposed to take good care of her too? When her brother got her bit, she was left with no one to guide her through the life-changing transformation she'd gone through. Ryden was there to make up for that. If fate had ever poked him in the eye, telling him that something was his responsibility, it was that time, when he chased Johnny away and took over as something like Ruby's mentor or alfa or whatever wolf crap equivalent would that be. Nice job he'd done there. She told him she was grateful for letting her be independent and find her own way through this. He thought he was being negligent. He couldn't even find her a real pack. He just assumed she didn't need it just like he didn't. He sat down on the bed, lowering himself onto the mattress next to Ruby. He'd heard from other werewolves that their kind had a strange, comforting sort of healing powers when in a pack. Not the kind that would cure cancer or provide an antidote to a poison. But the kind that came with being surrounded by a family and warmth. He scooted carefully closer to Ruby, wrapping an arm around her in a way he wouldn't put any painful pressure on her injury. His warmth against hers, he felt an instantaneous relief himself, some kind of toasty, pulsing feeling inside that could only be described as a healing energy that mostly healed the soul, rather than the body, and maybe took some of the pain away too.

Ruby huffed a small laugh, but kept mostly quiet after that. Truth was, she could've simply run away from The Beast. Snagged Maya and forced her to follow until they found a way out that would save all of them. But it hadn't worked out that way. That wasn't Ryden's fault. If it wasn't for Ryden, Ruby would be dead right now. She would've bled out on the bathroom floor. And that would've been the end of her story. But it was because of Ryden that she was here now. Alive and finding her way through all the things life brought to her door, sometimes quite literally. But it wasn't up to him to find her a pack, no matter what they were to each other. Her pack was here. In Ryden and Maya. And in others that weren't present. And with that, Ruby was happy. So she made room for him when he slid in next to her, groaning in relief as his warmth - and whatever other power their kind had - rolled over her. Her injuries still pained her a bit, but the ache in her chest eased. Like a weight was lifted. She lay her arm over his, fingers stroking his skin in sleepily, idle affection as Maya joined them.

Maya curled up on the other side of Ruby. She hadn't had a proper night's sleep in a long time, but right now was probably her best shot at it. "Okay, wake me up in about five years," she murmured as she closed her eyes. Her ribs still ached dully, but she was exhausted enough not to be bothered by it. "And nobody go feeling guilty over things that aren't their fault."

Ryden pressed himself flush against Ruby's body, so that he could reach over to Maya as well, easily scooping both women into his wide arm-reach. He buried his face into Ruby's hair, warm palm spreading over the side of Maya's ribcage. Whatever Ruby and Ryden shared, it seeped some into Maya too. Sleep wasn't going to come easy to him. But holding them both safe in his arms made him feel a little less like a wolf in sheep's clothing, meant to destroy everything good that despite the evil in him tried to surround him.

Ruby sank into the warm cocoon of blankets and bodies, bolstered by the wolf at her back and the witch at her front. She was already drifting off, too tired from the shift, her injuries, and being cast in and out of reality to stay awake much longer. Ryden's breath was warm in her hair, and she used the rise and fall of his breathing to slow her own. She tucked herself against Maya's front, inhaling the smell of magic and warm, sweet things mixed with Ryden's own comforting familiar scent. Later, there would be things to talk about, but right now this was the best place any of them could be. Ruby hummed softly, voice barely there as sleep pulled her down. "This ain't the threesome I dreamed about... but it'll do..."

[murphyhatesme]

So having no inspiration what so ever my good friend @mireilleleerves came up with a prompt, that actually got me writing. Steve runs away and what else can Danny do but follow? I’m calling this one Kiss me, the explicit version is found on AO3 under Lizlybear.

Steve looks around his hotel room, dropping his duffle bag on the suitcase stand. Turning on his phone he winches at the beeps from the incoming messages. He isn’t surprised when there’s nothing from his partner. No voicemail rant, or angry texts. Fuck, he really screwed up. Eighteen hours ago he made a mistake, a mistake that could cost him dearly.

He kissed Danny. They’d been standing in the kitchen after a day at the aquarium with the kids and Danny had looked so soft and happy. It wasn’t even a conscious decision, he just leaned in and brushed their lips together. He can’t remember how but the kiss deepened, and he was sure Danny kissed back. Grace clearing her throat made them jump apart. She smirked at them, rolled her eyes and said ‘finally, are you officially step-Steve now?’ He smiled and turned to Danny, expecting a rant. But there was nothing, he felt the smile slipping from his face. Danny didn’t look at him, in fact he had looked at everything but Steve. It was at that point his flight instinct kicked in. With panic clawing at his chest, his hands cold as ice, he made an excuse and left the Williams house in a hurry. He tossed and turned all night before deciding that not being in Hawaii for Danny’s inevitable explosion would be in his best interest. So upon waking around five, he booked the first flight out to Tokyo. He texted Lou explaining that he needed to get away for awhile and that he’d stay in contact before he called a cab to the airport. Just before take off he shot Danny a simple text with ‘I’m sorry‘ and settled in for the eight hour flight.  

He knows running away was a bad choice but he just needed to get away from Danny’s reaction. He really didn’t want to go through the awkward let's-just-be-friends speech. Because he doesn't want just friends, he want the forever love thing. For years he’s been content with having Danny in his life in a friend capacity but recently with all the retirement talk he started to realise it wasn’t going to be enough. Unfortunately he went for it and got rejected. He needs time to let the hurt settle and find a way to let go of his feelings and move on. Danny is his best friend and they still have to work together. Fuck. what if Danny leaves the team, leaves him. He frantically thumbs through his messages expecting the worst but there are no texts telling him that Danny quit. He does find one from Grace that makes him frown ‘Take care of Danno’ and it’s from this morning. He mules it over for a second before sending an ‘always’ back. He realises the silence from Danny can mean two things, he either is to angry to respond, which is a very real option or considering their track record he’s already on his way to give him a piece of his mind. But then maybe this time Danny won’t be coming for him. His chest hurts thinking about that. Danny is the one constant in his life and has been for years. That’s exactly why he never acted on his feelings. He checked in under an alias because old habits die hard so he won’t be easy to find. He does texts Lou ‘did you talk to Danny today?’ seconds later he gets an unhelpful ‘yes’ in return. His stomach growls. Right, food. He goes for a quick shower and heads out for an early dinner.

******

It’s dark when he returns to his room.

“Jack Williams? Seriously? That’s not even trying babe.”

He startles badly and drops the key card. Trust Danny to find him within hours. His partner looks every part of the disgruntled lover sitting on a chair next to a lamp which he turned on the moment Steve stepped into the room.

“How the hell did you figure it out so quick?”

“You have my birthday as your alarm code Steven and honestly? I know you.”

Steve doesn’t say anything, because yeah Danny knows him. A spark of hope ignites in his heart. Danny is here, it whispers, he came for you. He sinks down on the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. Danny waits with his next question until Steve looks at him.

“So care to explain why we are in freaking Japan?”

“No. Care to explain why you followed me here?”

“Well Steven, since you asked. I am here specifically because I went to your house this morning to talk about last night without my kids listening to every word. Imagine my surprise when I found the house empty and I get a text telling me you’re sorry? What the hell Steve? A dear John text is not okay. I thought we were past this bull crap?”

Steve sighs, leans back so that he’s looking at the ceiling and takes a deep breath. In for a penny, in for a pound.

“We are. It’s just .. Danny your reaction was enough for me to know I made a mistake okay? I just needed to get away for awhile. Give you time to calm down and give me time to figure out how to move on. Nothing has to change.”

He senses Danny standing in front of him but he keeps his eyes on the ceiling because he doesn’t want to see Danny’s face.

“Babe, look at me.”

Steve shakes his head no, he’s afraid if he does he will see pity. He won’t be able to handle that. But Danny’s hands frame his face, forcing him to look into sky blue eyes.

“Okay it seems like I have some explaining to do. All right, here goes. I’m not gay or even bi for that matter but you Steve, you’ve had me doubting myself for past few years. At first I thought it was some misplaced hero worship thing but over the years I’ve discovered that I’m probably Steve sexual. I thought I was the only one feeling this, you never indicated that you’re attracted to men. So when you kissed me? It took me by surprise. Grace interrupting embarrassed me, and considering that was my very first kiss with a man I think I held it together quite well. And then you left in a hurry but I figured we’d talk today. Only you didn’t just high tail it out of my house did you? You fucked off to another country.”

“So you’re Steve sexual huh?”

Danny rolls his eyes.

“Oh my god, did you hear anything after that?”

Steve feels a grin spreading out over his face. Danny is in love with him. Danny is Steve sexual. He doesn’t know what exactly that is but it can’t be something bad.

“So no kids here.”

Danny shakes his head and smiles.

“We could kiss and see if I’m Danny sexual?”

This time Danny laughs out loud.

“Come here you goof.”

Danny leans in and slots their lips together, a hand in his nape keeps him in place as Danny deepens the kiss. Steve slides his hands around Danny’s hips to pull him in and Danny follows easily. Dipping forward, pushing Steve down onto the bed and straddling his hips. He looks up at Danny’s grinning face and something settles in his chest. He drags Danny down into a scorching kiss, they’re going to be okay.

[thedeviltohisangel]

You Say It Softly//4//Left Untold

The first time Jim & Leah spend the night together.

Smut Warning

my URL/jimmason to catch up!

send any requests for Jim my way!

He remembers calling Leah and leaving her many voicemails once the oxy had set into his system. Jim is pretty sure, if he were to listen back to them, he’d sound like a mumbling mess and the thought that she was going to hear him like that was keeping him up. They had been on a few dates and Jim held her hand at school and they shared dessert at lunch and everything was going great. He had made the choice to not invite her to another party in the fear she would see him fucked up again and he knew she didn’t like it. But tonight when he had asked her to come to the beach, he had a habit of inviting her to the beach in the hopes her presence would curb his behavior which was wrong of him and he knew it, she had declined, saying she had a tennis match tomorrow she needed to rest up for.

Jim couldn’t help but feel like it was her way of telling Jim he had to stop hanging out with the Chad’s of the world if he wanted to keep hanging out with her. It left a hollow emptiness inside of him.

He watched the clock on his nightstand change over to 2 AM with a groan, about to turn over and try once again to find sleep when his phone began to ring. The picture of him and Leah on his roof from last week stared back at him.

“Leah? What’s going on?”

“You don’t sound like I woke you up. What’s going on with you?” She had expected him to sound groggy, if he even answered at all, and she sat up straighter in her bed at the sound of his perfectly even voice. “I listened to your voicemails and wanted to make sure you were okay. I got up to pee and couldn’t fall back asleep.” He chuckled at her honesty.

“Yeah, sorry about that. That crazy girl Isla was at the beach tonight and she made me miss you is all. I shouldn’t have called while I was... you know…”

“High?” she finished for him. Leah wasn’t stupid. She knew the state of mind he had been in when he called her. Knew it was similar to how he was in astronomy last week. How he was when he showed up to her house the other day asking if he could walk her dog with her at midnight. Jim was trying so hard to keep her sheltered from that part of his life but she wished she could tell him to just stop. That that was the only way to truly keep it away from her. But addiction can’t be cured by a magic wand or harsh words so she hadn’t said anything. “Can I come over?” She didn’t want Jim to feel obligated to answer to her calling him out so she changed the subject on his behalf.

“Yeah, I’ll wait by my window for you.”

“Okay I’ll be there soon...keep the bed warm for me.” She hung up and Jim sat for a moment. Leah and him hadn’t spent time overnight together yet. They’d had some heated makeout sessions in her bed but nothing ever beyond that. They were taking it slow, and Jim respected that, but it was getting harder to focus on her when she kissing him while also trying to keep his dick from getting hard.

He went to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water in an attempt to lower his body temperature before she even came over in the hopes he could avoid any sort of malfunction that having her body against his might cause. He paced the rest of the time she took to get there, shaking out his arms and legs, even doing a few push ups so he wouldn’t look too meek and tired when she finally arrived. Jim also spent a good amount of time looking at himself in the mirror to try and make sure he didn’t still look like he was under the effect of his drugs from early. He figured some eyedrops couldn’t hurt.

He was blinking them throughout his eyes when there was a knock at his window, Leah having climbed up his porch to reach his room.

“Hi Sprinkles,” she whispered as he helped her into his room. “I missed you today.” She had been nervous to admit that to him,wondering if it was too soon to be telling him she missed him when she didn’t see him, but looking at him made her guards come down.

“I’m sorry out schedules haven’t really matched up lately. I wanna come to your match tomorrow though.”

“That’d be great! We can get lunch together after.”

“I’d like that,” Jim replied with a genuine smile. Things were always so easy with her. Much of his life at the moment was a whirlwind of trying to make everyone happy and not let anyone down but with Leah, it’s not that he didn’t have to try, but he didn’t have to try as hard. She seemed to be happy with him just being him and it made good feelings blossom in his chest. Simple things, like lunch at the tennis club food stand, made her day and they had begun to make Jim’s too.

Jim stepped forward and placed a gentle kiss to her lips, Leah never one to make the first move towards anything physical in their relationship. It was all so new to her and Jim seemed like he had done it all before and then some so she trusted him to not what was right and wrong to do and when. She was afraid she’d do something too soon and scare him off and that was the last thing that she wanted.

“Do you mind if I actually do try and get some sleep? I wasn’t lying earlier when I said I needed it.” The yawn accompanying her statement was timed perfectly.

“Yeah, of course. I grabbed an extra blanket from my closet since I know how warm you like to be.” Last week Jim had gone over her house to watch an Indiana Jones marathon and she had rolled them both up into a blanket burrito. Leah had explained that she felt most relaxed with a blanket tucked under her chin.

Leah kissed him on the cheek as a thank you and buried herself under his sheets and comforter immediately. Jim followed suit and they laid there facing each other just enjoying the silence of the other’s company for a few moments.

“This is our first time, like, literally sleeping together,” she mused as she found his hand under the covers and tangled her fingers with his.

“It’s nice,” Jim replied honestly. He was sexually attracted to Leah, that much was obvious, but it was different than the other girls he had been attracted to in the past. He didn’t feel like it was the only reason he wanted to be with her. Didn’t feel like it was the prevailing thought in his head whenever he saw her. All he craved was to be close to her, in whatever form that happened to take.

“Next time you go to the beach and do whatever I want to come. I should be making more of an effort to get to know your friends and stuff. So they stop looking at me like I have three heads everyday at lunch.”

“I don’t want you to come if you’re not comfortable. They just don���t get all the smart things you say in response to their dumb thoughts and questions. Having them be confused by you is probably a sign you’re doing something right, Sugar.” Leah giggled softly and moved closer to him at his words of encouragement.

“I noticed you used the word ‘conflated’ the other day. I meant to make fun of you for it,” she whispered as she poked the tip of his nose with her finger. Just the other day he had been confused by her use of the word so she had explained it to him and then the next day at lunch he had used it perfectly in a sentence.

“You’re rubbing off on me. Such a good influence,” he murmured as he felt his eyes growing heavy at the way he was gently tracing over his features.

“Cuddle me?” she asked as she noticed he was growing tired. He nodded and opened his arms so she would have plenty of space to adjust herself to the perfect position, facing away from him and placing her back to his chest so they were spooning. Leah was happy Jim couldn’t see her face with the position they were currently in. She was blushing and smiling like crazy. In her mind it was like her fairytales come true. Having a boy like her as much as she liked him. Spending the night cuddled together in his bed under a bunch of blankets. As she fell asleep that night she kept telling herself to not think this was a dream or a fairytale where they all lived happily ever after. Leah knew that was the only surefire way to get her heartbroken.

Jim woke up before she did. Leah was still in his arms the same way she had been when she fell asleep. He kissed the back of her neck gently and was going to shut his eyes to catch a few more minutes of sleep when he became acutely aware of the gentle pulse between his legs.

Jim looked down in the hopes he was wrong in his assumption of what was happening between his legs. He looked back up in slight horror when he noticed that Leah was stirring and turning around to say good morning to him.

“Close your eyes,” he whispered as he turned around so his back was now facing her.

“Jim? Is something wrong?” Leah couldn’t lie that his slight rejection of her was a blow to her glow of happiness at waking up next to him.

“I’m...I’m trying to adjust myself,” he grunted with the effort of trying to get his morning wood to disappear before he rolled back over to properly start their day with a kiss.

“Do you...do you need help?” She began to place soft kisses on his bare shoulders that were exposed from the blanket.

“You’re kissing is making it worse actually,” he muttered as he took a couple of deep breaths. “I’m gonna splash myself with some cold water-”

“I want to try.” Her words were firm and direct, Jim looking over his shoulder to make eye contact with her.

“Try what?”

“Jim are you going to make me say it?” she asked slightly exasperated. “Let me try to...to help you make it go away. With my mouth.” Jim thinks he could’ve come from the thought of her mouth wrapped around his dick alone. He had, actually, used the image to get off many time since he had started seeing her.

“You’re sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“Are you okay with it?”

“Fuck yeah,” he exclaimed in spite of himself. He mentally hit himself for seeming so eager. Jim had gotten a blow job before but never from a girl as pretty as her. Never from a girl he liked as much as her.

“Ok then. Take your pants off.” He didn’t need to be told twice, hopping from his bed with a newfound spring in his step, throwing his boxers to the side before he sat back in his bed with his back against the headboard. Leah kissed his lips first, slowly and sensually in a way that made something stir inside of them both. “I’ve never done this before. So I’m sorry if it doesn’t go well.”

“I’m sure you’ll do-” The rest of his sentence got stuck in his throat as her fingertip danced across the top of his cock.

“That sensitive?” she inquired as she moved further down the bed and fell to her stomach between his legs. “What about when I do this?” Her fingertip circled his tip with precision and she kept her eyes locked on his as it did.

“Feels great,” Jim breathed. Between how sexy he thought she looked with bedhead and her nipples poking through her shirt and the way she was studying his every breath Jim thought he might not last until she actually got her mouth on him. Her tongue flicked out tentatively next. Tracing the same path her finger just had, then licking the entire length of him like it was an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Leah looked at him for approval as her tongue settled back into tracing gentle circles. “Feels so good, Sugar, like you were meant to have my cock in your mouth.” She moaned at his encouragement before opening her mouth and taking him in, suctioning her lips halfway down his length. Her cheeks hollowed and Jim moved his hand to hold her hair in a loose ponytail as she began to bob her head.

He fought hard to keep his eyes open, wanting to imprint the image in his mind for every lonely moment he might ever have. As she pulled away with red and swollen lips, slick with spit, Jim felt the urge to claim her.

“Want you to come in my mouth,” she instructed, “Want to taste you.” She returned her mouth to him, using her hand to jerk off the part of him that she couldn’t fit quite yet. Jim bit his pillow in an effort to keep quiet and not risk alerting his mother or sister to what was going on in his bedroom.

After a few more moments, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his cum hit the back of her throat as he came. He opened his eyes in time to watch her swallow and wipe her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Fucking hell, Leah. For your first time that was pretty good.” She smiled with delight and crawled back up towards him to connect their lips.

“I was so nervous! I’ve been thinking how you must’ve had so many girls get with you in Michigan and probably even here so my competition was-” He placed his finger gently over her lips so she would stop talking.

“No competition. You’re the best. In everything. No one could ever beat my Sugar when it comes to taking care of me.” Leah thinks she blushed ten shades deeper at his words. Jim had felt as though the L word was about to slip past his tongue but he managed to hold it in. He thought it might look too over eager to say it to her for the first time in his post-orgasm haze. And he had a feeling Leah was the type of person who took the first time saying something like that seriously so Jim wanted to make the moment right for her. “After you kick your opponent’s ass today I’m gonna return the favor.” He was already salivating at the thought of getting between her legs. Hearing how she moaned. Hearing her say his name as she came.

“Some extra motivation,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and giggled as he pulled her back into a kiss. “Speaking of, I should get going. I don’t want to lose time to stretch.”

“Can’t wait to see you in that cute little skirt again. Grunt extra loud for me today,” Jim teased as he got out of bed and stood by the window with her.

“I will, James Mason, don’t you worry about it.” She pecked him one last time. “Thank you for last night. And this morning. And everything. Spending time with you...means a lot to me.” She looked to her feet at her own admission and he kissed her forehead in agreement.

“It means a lot to me too. I can’t wait to see you again in a couple hours. I already miss your kisses.” She laughed at his playfulness and she scaled back down his roof and onto his back porch. Leah blew him a kiss once her feet were firmly planted on the ground, running quickly to her car in the hopes of driving away before Sandy Mason could see. “God, Leah.What am I gonna do?” Jim whispered to no one. There were so many ways he could lose her. So many ways Jim could fuck it up. Jim just had to believe that love could be enough.

[mentalcurls]

1.1 Illegale

I’ve hummed and hawed a lot over writing this post, for two reasons: there are somewhat unpopular opinions in it and this particular clip is so hard for me to watch, I literally always pause it at least five or six times to calm down. But I’d mentioned a couple of months ago that I would do something about to it and I don’t like to leave things like that hanging, plus I’m hoping to exorcise some of my negative feelings, so here we are. Listicle as usual.

the voicemails give me chills every single time and that’s all I’m going to say

right from the start the focus is on Emma, dancing with a friend

whose POV is the camera embodying? The first shot is a group of girls, then we have Edoardo, Federico and Chicco smoking and watching the girls, then the camera focuses on three specific and particularly noticeable girls: the girl with the silver sparkling top dancing with Emma, the dark haired girl with the black dress and bright lipstick and the blue-haired girl we will see at radio meetings later on; then there are some guys making a lantern fly, then Emma dancing with her friend, with a glimpse of Canegallo talking to Edoardo about either Emma herself or the friend, then there’s Silvia looking dejected. The obvious answer would be that it’s Silvia’s POV, but I actually think that at first the camera shows the guys’ POV, then switches to Silvia’s for at least two reasons: first of all, the camera changes position (you can see it from the fact that in the first shot we see her Emma is on the right while silver top girl is on the left, whereas later Emma is on the left and her friend is on the right); second, the first three girls stand out from the others because their clothing, makeup or hair is bright and designed to catch people’s attention and it’s not hard to tell that they are Edoardo’s and his friends’ type, while Emma is dressed in a completely different, sporty and casual, way, which is probably the thing that earned her the reputation as a bit of a “zecca” (as Marti describes her to his friends in the bathtub) and she definitely doesn’t fit the Villa guys’ aesthetic or tastes; on the other hand Emma has several characteristics that attract Silvia’s attention like a magnet. Emma is not trying hard at all but she exudes a natural air of coolness, she dances like she doesn’t have a care in the world and like no-one is watching her, she dresses like she wants and doesn’t care about fitting in but a lot of people like her anyways, she’s  beautiful even without much makeup and thin and graceful and genuinely having fun and the boys (Edoardo) are staring in her direction. And Silvia wants to be all of that, to have all of that. (Because that’s what her sister Francesca is like obvs)

so: guys’ POV first, Silvia’s second

I don’t even think Silvia putting down her cake is because of her issues with eating, a big part of it is probably that the cake literally turned sour to her

after putting the plate down, in fact, Silvia eats something else, so I don’t think she’s doing a Vilde S2 at this point

anyways, she goes to find her friends and when she manifests her worries, albeit in a pretty childish and petulant way, Sana and Fede dismiss her and laugh at her as their first reaction (Fede’s drunk so there’s that, but Sana 😕 girl 😕 did you forget what happened in June already? Bland reassurances that sound like platitudes won’t cut it with Silvia)

so Silvia goes in search of her more supportive friends, Eva and Ele, and that’s a smart move, except her wandering takes her right back to the starting point, looking at Edo from the other side of the room while he studiously avoids acknowledging her

bless Filippo Sava for pulling her out of her own head a bit

a Filippo Sava WITH NO LIP PIERCING

and like, Filippo is at his peak “uomo gay pride” here, but at the same time he lets his campiness and the excuse of a joke justify some unwanted touches that had my eyebrows raising when I saw the clip for the first time and has them raised still now

the way Edoardo summons Eleonora to his presence gets on my nerves; he’s being indifferent so they won’t get caught interacting, intellectually I know that, but that slight tilting of his chin just reads so fucking entitled

Skam Italia, don’t go breaking my heart by joking about Eleonora’s sexuality (especially after Mia has been confirmed bi in Druck) and with Eva there joking about being jealous I ALREADY KNOW THEY’D MAKE A PERFECT COUPLE OK?

and right then a wild Martino appears, wandering round the party like Bambi wanders in the woods

and Eva. She’s probably been sending Marti signals all summer, ever since she broke up with Gio and informed Marti of the fact in that expectant way at the end of the year party. I mean, he told her he likes her and she doesn’t want to believe that the porn Eleonora found on his phone really means what her friend thought it meant. And Marti’s cute, he’s a really good guy and he’s nice and they’ve been friends for a while so he knows her, he’s seen her at her lowest and stuck by her. She needs all of these things, after Gio, after the mess with Canegallo, she wants nice and familiar and steady. Except Marti keeps her at arm's length 99% of the time, barely answers her texts, never writes her first, is always too busy to hang out. Eva excuses him for a while: he doesn’t want to hurt Gio, fine, but it’s been a while now; his family situation is really complicated, that’s okay, maybe she could help, or a least distract him a bit every now and then. Then school starts so he’s busy with that. But after a whole summer and almost a month of school, well, message fucking received, dude. She’s gonna give him one last chance to show some real interest in her before she gives up and accepts he’s uninterested. And probably gay. Which is fine, by the way, she doesn’t mind or anything, but it means he lied to her. Again.

I don’t really get why Eva acts so over the top though. She acts like she’s drunk, throws herself at him. Why would Marti go for that? Is it a last resort, has Eva tried literally everything else she could think of? Does she think that by putting him on the spot, if he really likes her he’ll forget the potential hangups he has about Gio? Does she pretend to be drunk to give him an excuse of sorts? She must smell the weed on him when she hugs him, so if he wanted to make a move then they could plausibly say they both weren’t in their right mind, so as not to hurt Gio. But then, does she only want a hook up? With one of her best friends?

well, whatever her reasons are, it all fails and Marti rejects her. Which, I could have told her. Marti is nice, remember? He wouldn’t take advantage of a drunk girl, especially not when they’re friends. (Not like some other people who’d happily hook up with Argentina when she’s drunk, I’m looking at you ep.5!Contrabbandieri)

oh, but Eva’s “Yeah, yeah, go back to Gio, go” is so bitter! She’s defeated, Marti hasn’t proved her wrong, he actually confirmed her worst fears. So as hard as it is to face this fact, she has to conclude he did lie to her again, despite everything, and she feels like a fool for falling for it. What an asshole.

Marti answering the phone in a house that’s not even his kills me every time

and I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE SEE LUCHINO God, how time flies, it feels like he’s always been there

the boys start discussing girls. Marti’s descriptions of them are 100% non sexualized, non objectifying: Emma is tall and a bit of a “zecca” (I’m not super familiar with Roman slang, but Google tells me it is used for “radical chic” people who look a bit slovenly and like stoners, so not exactly flattering but at least it’s not sexual), Polidoro is the girl who got stuck in the elevator last year

on the other hand Elia, then Luca, then Giovanni immediately start judging the girls based on their attractiveness, the fuckability, their boobs. Standard sleazy teenagers.

and Marti goes straight into defense mode, starts saying he doesn’t like them and goes all the way back to the other hand of the spectrum from sleaze to fastidious with just a touch of misogyny

“busta di piscio” just hits me in my gut every single fricking time. I am Italian, but I’m not from Rome, so I’d never heard this particular slang terminology before Skam Italia, so I might be overreacting, except fuck you, it’s a horrible thing to say about someone, aside from the pure unpleasantness of being compared to urine, you’re dismissing someone as pure waste. So yeah, fuck you, Martino. Thank God you’ll grow up quite a bit over the course of the season.

anyways. The boys press Marti, backing him into a corner (even more of a corner than the literal one he’s already sitting in) waiting for him to talk about a girl he likes. And, obviously, Marti goes for the safest aka the most widely liked who’s also the most unreachable. Textbook. And he weathers his friends comments about being choosy and the jokes about Federica cause having that reputation is way easier than being known as the gay guy

honestly, you can feel his discomfort. Up until now the party has been one landmine after the other for Marti

also, Federica. She’s always Federicona for the guys, cause she’s not a size 38, and while in this clip they don’t explicitly touch on that, it’s a big part of why the guys joke about hooking up with her, cause she’s considered unattractive. The other reason is the whole on-going saga of her showing an open, uninhibited interest in Marti: she’s an outspoken, enterprising young woman who has no problem showing people what she wants and that makes the boys so uncomfortable, cause it means they’re not the “predators” in that scenario. The spoon thing might have been a bit over the top, but you can bet that if Nico had done that at some point over the next couple of episodes Marti would have been all over him, or that if Eva had done that for Gio it would have been considered a cute form of foreplay like Gio’s Instagram video with the tongue in S1, or if any other girl the boys deem fuckable had done it they’d be all over her

Elia wants 20 euros for both the weed and Fede’s gift, but Marti only ever gives him 5 euros which means he didn’t even give him the money for the gift

and Emma makes her grand entrance!

Gio looks stunned, either he really likes Emma or he’s worried she might somehow know about the way they’ve been talking about her

contrary to Skam og and Skam France, she’s alone, but just like in the other two versions Marti (/Isak/Lucas) takes charge of their interaction, except where his Norwegian and French counterparts are smooth and charming, he’s quite a bit of an asshole, displaying an incredible ability for humiliating jokes. This can’t even be considered pigtail pulling, this is straight up being shit

also, mansplaining! Emma’s not and idiot, if the other bathroom had been available she would have used it

the jerks! Jesus but they piss me off so bad. Gio, Elia and Luca laugh and joke with Marti at Emma’s expense, then they propose exchanging a basic thing like access to a private place to pee for occasions to be even creepier than they already are. Oh God, how I hate them right now

this is toxic masculinity. I Contrabbandieri are considered immune to it, but the most I feel comfortable saying is that they get better about it with time, when Marti’s hardships bring them together and change their perspectives a bit, but right now? The locker room talk, the considering girls as nothing more than their bodies, the mocking, the indirect fat-shaming, putting their “need” to keep the bathtub above Emma physiological needs

the thing is, Emma is so used to this kind of behaviour, she accepts it without question or reproach for the most part. She just laughs along with them, trying not to be difficult, to diffuse the situation; when she agrees to make out with one of them it she chooses the one who treated her the worst, because pigtail pulling means a boy likes you and just doesn’t know how to show it in a mature way, right? So she goes for Marti, even going as far as forgoing her physiological needs because she kisses him first, and she was willing to blow him first, before actually peeing, despite saying that she really had to go (and even then, she apparently pees with him in the room? what even); anyways, the point is that this whole thing is crazy sexist

the zipper sounds, oh, how it brings back far more pleasant memories

let us all not forget (and Silvia doesn’t let us forget) there was a sliding door between the washbasin + bathtub area and the toilet area so Emma could have peed without causing any trouble at all (she probably did, actually, since Marti was still in the room when she went) (I’m confused, was it all her elaborate plan to be alone with him? Had she even ever seen him before? And even if she liked him, why go for shim when he proves to be such a jerk to her? I can’t make sense of this)

Eva looks so lost! Apparently Marti hooked up with a girl who’s not her? So he’s not gay? But he still lied to her about liking her? Or maybe not, it was just a one time thing to distract himself from her? Because he really doesn’t want to upset Gio? So does she wait? Why isn’t he sending any kind of positive signal to her then?

i Contrabbandieri just assume Marti got laid, and like, came this fast? Is this the kind of faith they have in their friend? They just presume he has no stamina rather than think he didn’t get laid?

Edoardo Incanti is a mansplainer, would you look at that, such a surprise; the apparent helpfulness, the assumption that Eleonora is struggling with her lantern and that she’ll catch fire if left to her own devices make me catch fire cause I can’t stand these forms of benevolent-ish sexism

he literally tries to explain the UK to her when she’s the one who’s lived there for a month already!

Eleonora is smizing, what on earth

Edoardo really can’t take no for an answer huh?

oooh, i Contrabbandieri honestly think there are no other cops and they’ll be able to just slink away? Bless their hearts

they actually try to get the policeman to pity them by saying they weren’t invited to the party when he stops them! Bless their hearts super hard

I forgot to point it out, but there was the very first GioElia™ patented look when Covitti came in while they were in the bathroom, and right now we have a second one!

the biggest BLESS THEIR HEART award goes to the wild run from the police even though Marti’s ditched the weed

Gio hugging Marti always breaks my heart, mostly cause it’s pretty much the mirrored image of Eva hugging Marti when he went to get the beers, except she tried to kiss him when he didn’t want her to, whereas with Gio it’s just a grateful, friendly hug even though Marti would love for Gio to kiss him. In the immortal words of dr Roberto Spera, bella merda.

Ok that’s it! I’m stopping right her, I don’t think I can do the same thing I did for S1 with a full commentary of all the episodes (I mean, this is about four GDoc pages and we’re only halfway through the episode, can you imagine how much more I could write?). Still, I’m glad I managed to write down my thoughts on what bugs me so much about this clip. Talk to me via ask or comment if you have questions or disagree with me, I’m alway open to discussion!