#WISH YR LIFE WAS A BEAUTIFUL LIFE WELL DREAM ON

[gentle-traditionalism]

hello lovely, hope you’re having a nice day! do u have any tips for girls who are on the younger side (like 17 yrs old) who wanna be trad? I’ve been trying to look more into feminine living n etiquette rules and stuff, any stuff I should enhance further or do as well?

Hello! I have been having a lovely day, thank you. I do have a lot of advice that I’d give to younger trad girls, but I should clarify that to me, being trad is largely about values and goals - such as loving God, being feminine, and raising a strong, honourable family - rather than aesthetic, so my advice might lean more towards trad lifestyle tips rather than say, glow-up tips (though I do have a few of those) Here are some of my tips:

Put God first in your life. Read the Bible and pray daily, and always remember God’s love. Find a church that doesn’t sugar-coat things, but also isn’t all doom and gloom. Neither are beneficial for your long-term spiritual growth.

Make sure to love and take care of yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should be self-obsessed or vain, but it’s so important to treat yourself kindly. If you don’t love yourself you are likely to put up with other people mistreating you because you think you don’t deserve better, and you absolutely do.

Since tradblr has a major focus on being a wife, I’d give this advice; don’t stress about finding your husband right now. I know how annoying this can be to hear, but seventeen is very young. While I still feel much the same as I did when I was seventeen, I have had so many more experiences and grown as a person since then. As much as I wish I was married now, I’m still very glad that I didn’t marry when I was a teenager/very young adult, because I would have many regrets. If you already have a boyfriend who you want to marry someday, keep this in mind; don’t make any serious relationship decisions until you see how he acts around/treats his family. If you marry him, you’ll be his family and he’ll treat you the same way. On the same note, don’t make any commitments until you see him angry. This doesn’t mean that you should purposefully make him angry (please don’t do that) but you want to see how he controls his temper. At the end of the day, it really is best to wait until you are both older to make any commitments, especially since men tend to mature slower than women (please note; this does not mean you should seek out older men! Keep yourself safe). With that being said, you can absolutely plan and prepare for when you are older! So on that note...

Get a hope chest! It doesn’t have to be a fancy antique one; it could just be any old storage bucket. If you do have an antique one, make sure to inspect the latch - you don’t want one that could lock a child or anyone else inside. Fill it with things you want to fill your future home with, or things for your future children. This can help motivate you if you ever feel frustrated with waiting.

Eat healthy. There are hundreds of different diets out there, but eating doesn’t have to be anything complicated; just eat real food with real ingredients, and make sure you eat enough fruits, vegetables, and get lots of meat/protein. This is a good opportunity to practice cooking as well!

Save up as much money as you can. You’re more likely to be living at home now, so save while you don’t have as many bills to pay.

Don’t curse. Cursing makes you seem less intelligent, and it’s often mean-spirited. Swearing is also just not ladylike.

Practice cooking, baking, cleaning, learn an instrument (piano or violin are especially nice in my opinion) mending, knitting, decorating...any kind of traditionally feminine skill you are interested in, start practicing now. You want to start living your future dream life now as much as possible. Not only do you have more time to gain skills before you need them, but you also are able to determine if it’s really what you want or if you need to adjust your goals.

As for some beauty tips:

- Hair: Give yourself scalp massages, get a natural hairbrush (wood, boar bristle, etc) and brush your hair for 100 strokes every night, and then braid it or put it in a protective hairstyle before sleeping. Satin or silk pillowcases are also excellent. Do a hair mask once a week.

- Skin: Instead of focusing on covering up blemishes with makeup, focus on taking care of your skin! Drink lots of water, avoid touching your face, wash your face twice a day, and use a good moisturizer. Find out your skin type to figure out the best way to care for your skin.

- Teeth: Try oil pulling! It helps so much. Brush at least twice a day (not immediately after eating, though, as it can damage your enamel) and don’t brush too hard; you don’t want to damage your gums.

I’d also recommend finding a nice perfume/fragrance! I’ve avoided this until recently, as I’m very sensitive to fragrances and always got headaches. But I found that in my case, higher-quality perfumes don’t bother me, and so I’ve been wearing my signature perfume daily. Find a signature scent - for me, it’s peony. It makes you instantly recognizable when you walk into a room. You don’t want to wear too much of it, but having a nice perfume just makes me feel more feminine and happy, and I’ve been getting many compliments.

There’s more to be said, and it’s likely I’ve forgotten something, but I’ll leave it there for now. If you have any more questions, or if you want more specific advice on specific subjects, feel free to ask! I hope this was helpful to you in some way!

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

Not only one guy asked me about :

"Serious question here. What attracts you in a guy? "

Well, I am a serious person lol again. very serious once totally answer on this post. that I will try my best to find the same answer to all curiosity friends.

By the way, it is very difficult for you to push, seduce and force me not to be serious. Unless I am willing to be funny, and the funny cells in my brain are always out of my control like a madman, for which I am sorry to my parents. 🤭 And I guess they want to send me back to God, oh yes, my children should also want their mother to be normal, but they love me and are afraid of me, which is not against the law, harmony and peace, this is the perfect value of my existence. 🤟

👉 The guy attracts me which parts importantly：

▪︎ Empty his mind anytime. ( For learning New.)

▪︎ Come from old school. ( For keeping the tradition. )

▪︎ Love children, animals and nature. ( For the human best proudly.)

▪︎ Tolerate women's shortcomings, cherish each other's commitment, practice it, and never change it for life. ( For both are not becoming crazy, I know it's not easy.)

▪︎ 「愛屋及烏／Love me, love my dog.」 Especially to love my family importantly. ( For the guy, I do the same way to his dog and family.)

▪︎ Know how to make money, but not a slave to money. ( For the freedom life and wise living style.)

▪︎ All that is a dream. Let's dream together and down to earth. ( I REALLY MISS ONE GUY and He has own all treasures with that. Wish he's doing well now and Have a beautiful life.)

✾ ℒan ~*

📌 ( I will send this answer-post to your private messages and say it again, I am not the right girl to you. 25 yrs old too young you. I can be your mom. understanding?! my son 29 yrs. 🤣 If I tell my son about this question, I believe He will show his empty eyes to look at me and tell me : Mom, Be careful! remember that Now "AI" very popular on internet. lol Thanks 😎)

[housewarningparty]

7 13 18

7: A song to drive to

"Dream On" by Culture Abuse

WISH YR LIFE WAS A BEAUTIFUL LIFE WELL DREEEAAM ON just feels really good to shout in the car whether you're stuck in traffic or cruisin down the freeway. love it love it love it.

13: One of your favorite 80’s songs

80s music isn't my strongsuit but that doesn't mean I don't have favorites! I love Husker Du so much, Flip Your Wig is pretty much a perfect record.

18: A song from the year that you were born

(1991) i love primus, i love les claypool's weird ass, i love SLAP BASS!!!!

[llycaons]

ep46 (3/3): this is what it's all about. but I talk about surgical policy and jc's innumerable issues for several paragraphs first

this is legit one of the most achingly tender scenes, maybe the moat romantic and beautiful until the very last shot. or even more so. debatable. I really love the last shot. but we're starting with...torture

so in order to wrap my head around the truly absurd prospect of someone being awake for 36 hours straight AWAKE given that the pain and physical stress of surgery would cause way more issues, I'm going to assume that the pain wen ning refers to is only partially physical. the rest is what he describes above - the spiritual pain of tearing out the core and feeling that life and energy drawn out of him until he's empty and cold inside. that makes sense to me. the ramifications of having a blood-and-guts awake operation for that long is dizzying. that is straight up torture

ALSO saying he couldn't have painkillers and had to be awake is such a blatant angst-milking from mxtx. usually the story toes the line just enough for believability but this (and wwx living on the streets as a 4 yr old too, tbh) really stretches the imagination. not that homeless young children don't exist but it seemed like wwx really had NOTHING and he hadn't starved to death or frozen or been mauled despite frequently being attacked by wild dogs so idk it seems like a lot to accept. ANYWAY

god this is so depressing for wwx. so I don't want to critique wen qing because modern medical ethics around surgeries were decades in development and it was kind of an unusual situation, but I really don't think wq should have done the transfer. wwx was a healthy individual with a very high risk of death from this procedure. according to some googling (I know), the highest risk for a non-emergency surgery is an exploratory belly case, with a 47% chance of death.

surgeons can and do refuse to operate if the risk is too high (which is partially about surgeons maintaining their numbers, but still). and jc didn't medically need this surgery, so there was no risk of death on either patient. wwx pestering her to try shouldn't have even mattered...like not to deny his bodily autonomy but that kind of medical decision would never fly today. also jc didn't consent blah blah but actually he did? it wasn't fully informed but he knew he was getting a gc from somewhere. also you could argue he wasn't in his right mind but I'm not the surgery police so whatever.

obviously that's not the point and I'm not castigating wq for doing a favor for someone she felt she owed deeply and probably preventing jc from like killing himself, but I can't help analyzing it from a modern periop perspective bc that's kind of what I'm trained for

god, I kind of wish jc had died though. sure it would have been rough and wwx probably would have been hounded by guilt forever and the jiang clan wouldn't have been restored bc jyl would have never gotten the kind of support she would have needed, but ummm maybe wwx could have married lwj + convinced him to help the wens and jyl could have married jzx and it would all have been fine? no, that's silly. jgy was still out there, and if he'd killed jzx and broken jyl's heart then wwx would never have let the matter go. well it's nice to dream

btw I read a fic once where he died and it was a really boring modern AU. jc is a really great rich character I would miss him I'm just SO sick of him these days. start weeping again IDIOT

*glares at the fanfic that made wwx say he would rather die than be ordinary*

REGRETFUL FLASHBACK TIME!!! strictly speaking lwj didn't NEED this the way jc did because he always changed his ways but he wouldn't be lwj if he didn't take it hard. and he's already been supportive but I can see this making him even more caring and attentive bc jesus christ what a thing to learn

aw yeah the elbow grasp. I love this shot. so many point of contact

wwx bitterly reflecting on what a brat jc's always been - petty, looking to hurt, brash, saying anything as long as it gets a reaction. you'd think he'd grown out of it but wwx seems to be resigned to the fact that he just hasn't grown up at all

...so THERE fanfic author that make him react happily when jc insults him! canonically he dislikes it and is annoyed that jc can't grow the fuck up! it's so annoying when fics make jc the mature one to wwx's silliness bc that's literally the opposite. jc being mean and harsh doesn't mean he's mature and it's really bizarre to see people take him so shallowly. and if reconciliation is to happen jc HAS to get over this he HAS to mature a bit and not act like a bitch when he's mad and take out his rage irrationally on other like that!!! even if he blames wwx for jyl it makes zero sense to blame lwj for his parents he just wants to cling to a justification bc otherwise his life's tragedies have made zero sense. anyway he has issues

awww he was worried about lwj! dw baby I don't think he cares what jc says about him

oh my god it's shijie 😭 the music going I'm going to cry. he sees her in the woods he sees her in the water he loves her so much he misses her she was everything to him love and safety and parent and stability and affection and family and he's never going to stop loving her or missing her is he! I'm miserable

and of course wen ning is like ? and then she vanishes and wwx feels so lonely and empty and sad he just repeats what he used to say to her bc she understood when he needed comfort bc showing love and family through food is such a huge theme in this series

here's what I don't get. why did wwx do this himself and then have lwj scold him?

that isn't very tender lover of you lwj!!! who cares if the lake has an owner, wwx is hungry!!

god wn is so funny here sitting with his lotus seeds <3

what they should have done was have this happen FIRST! lwj sees wwx is hungry and reaches down, breaking the stem and the precepts in one fell swoop! anything for his beloved, who he's just realized has been through even more terrible suffering than he could have imagined! I like to think they get there and he's still not used to this, but come ON writers!

all else being said, it IS a very romantic scene. even if wwx looks flabbergasted like that. like, touched, but also very confused

and HE LOOKS TO WN FOR CONFIRMATION I love that moment and wn is like nodding like yeah young master wei! it's okay! he loves you! yeah it is a surprise he did that isn't it! but it's okay! let's eat some lotus seeds! what a sweetheart

nice shot of wwx looking happy for once in this goddamn episode. happy ending to this awkward yet very sweet impromptu comfort food-stealing boat ride

omg I forgot that it's from the jin clan. fics will have the lans use these ALL the time.

and this is so funny too he gets so excited the boat rocks and lwj has to steady him

I always loved this opening shot for yunping! so so colorful

I had to delete some other shots bc I love this so much. excited about being remembered like this

and then so happy!! this is one if his most enamored looks. sappiest. most in love, even

personal highlights: this is such a delicious episode. SO satisfying

all of wwx's longing looks staring at the ancestral shrine. gutting

wwx sideways acknowledging just how much myu punished him

jc really pressed all of my buttons but in ways that made the response from lwj and wn really satisfying, so I guess he was a team player for that one

that one shot where jc looks just like his mom? their mannerisms are SO similar

wwx stopping lwj with a hand an inch from his pelvis region. awkward and yet very intimate

lwj pushing jc away from wwx very roughly and then so so tenderly bringing wwx to safety

wen ning's passion + excellent memory

jc sobbing. YESSS CRY

"let's quickly take young master wei away from here'

my epiphany that wwx's surgical pain is partially spiritual. it's still pain but do not take this away from me I can't understand it otherwise

elbow grasp 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

wwx complaining about what a terrible personality jc has always had

'I'm hungry' 🥺 and after an awkward stumble lwj came through!!! yess that's what wwx needs

wwx's adoring and pleased little smile at the very end. he's in loovveee

[everlarkficexchange]

Everlark Fic Exchange. PROMPTS

Springtime Edition 2021.

These are the prompts we’ve received so far.

Crossed out prompts have already been selected and are being turned into fics!

A huge ‘Thank you’ to everyone who’s taken the time to come up with an idea and send it our way. Your prompts are the heart of the Exchange. Without them, our authors wouldn’t get to write all those beautiful fics. So, please, keep them coming!

You haven’t sent anything yet? Don’t worry, there’s still time. We’ll be receiving prompts until March 7.  Don’t be afraid to inspire us!

Prompts:

Prompt 1: “No, I noticed just about every girl, but none of them made a lasting impression but you.” (Peeta’s pov of the girls who made impressions that didn’t last and the ones Katniss made that did.) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 2: “Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity” - When they are assigned to the same group in middleschool Home Ec class, Peeta seizes the opportunity to pursue Katniss using all his well-honed family bakery and salesmanship skills. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 3: I would like to see some everlark where Finnick walks in on them or Johanna and the there victors make fun of them for what they heard [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 4: Trope: Jealousy Katniss. Modern AU Katniss Everdeen sees his ex boyfriend as the date of one of her coworkers in the company party. She shouldn’t care, because she broke with him, one year ago and still.... when their song plays, against her better judgements, she finds herself dancing with him. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 5: Peeta and Katniss were both rescued in the arena and Peeta shares a bunk in D13 with Finnick - Finnick was sleeping and Peeta and Katniss doesn't see him there in the dark hours while they are tangled in lust and desire - either when everlark is doing it and realizes finnick is there or maybe finnicks POV as he is listening silently or even telling Johanna about it the next day - maybe he even stops them mid fuck with a snide sarcastic remark it's up to you [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 6: Modern AU. High School or College Everlark. Make the “booth Kiss” but Everlark! Peeta is the big brother of Katniss best friend, and she never imagined rule number #9 would become a problem. “Rule #9: Relatives of your best friend are off-limits.” [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 7: Prompt: Butthurt emotionally immature Peeta acts the asshat manwhore around Katniss when, in misinterpreting her, he believes that she thinks he’s not good enough for her. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 8: Age gap. Peeta and Katniss are cast as the romantic leads in a show (tv, film, stage, or even a commercial). Of course they cast someone half his age. Peeta can’t help falling for her anyway. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 9: Canon-Divergent/ In Panem D12 “I waited for you” he said but she dint’t reply. He pressed for an answer he knew he deserved, “under the rain, Katniss. I waited for you, under the rain... why would you do that?” / “I can’t do this anymore, Peeta” / “Bullshit, you can but you just don’t want. I thought you were brave!” he yelled at her looking for any reaction that will give some hope. His tears threatening to run down his face. / She didn’t move, and she didn’t correct her, so he ran away and slammed the door behind him. / “I love you” Katniss said to an empty room. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 10: Canon Divergent. When Peeta is rescued from the Capitol and brought to D13, he’s forgotten everything related to Katniss. The Capitol has erased his memories: no Valley Song, no bread, no games, ... nothing. It’s the perfect opportunity for Katniss to let it go, it’s what every tells her... but she still kisses his pearl goodnight. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Prompt 11: Prim is marrying before starting her dream job as a pediatric surgeon in another district. 30-something Katniss is proud, thrilled, and yet bereft when her entire life was lived for Prim. She’s never even dated. Has Peeta been waiting for this moment to make his move? Or do they meet at the wedding? Or when her friend drags Katniss out of her slump to a party or on a wild vacation after convincing her to quit her jobs and start a new life? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 12: Fae Katniss. She’s been with him his entire life, so Peeta simply accepted that no one else could see her, thought other people had their own Katniss. She’d been called his imaginary friend and later a crutch, a figment of his imagination, a delusion. Dr. A asks him to make a “real” friend, ignore Katniss, try going on a date. But Katniss won’t be ignored. And a jealous Katniss is a force. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 13: Katniss is “just one of the guys” and the only girl in school who’s never been asked for a date by any of these guys. One day she’s “discovered” by a modeling agency and whisked to the Capital. She returns 3-months later with a new look, new found confidence, and cash. How will Peeta deal with the new Katniss and all the attention she gets from everyone?  [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 14: Peeta is 17 when it comes out the only thing his mother ever cooked was the books; he loses his home, his family, his roll in the community. Katniss is 17 when she loses her only reason for living. What brings them together? How do they help each other survive? What forces work against them? When do they accept the other as ally, as friend, as lover? Canon divergent. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 15: 16-yr-old Peeta’s family moves away. 10 years later he returns and buys a foreclosed upon fixer-upper. When does he learn it belonged to Katniss’s family? She still lives there and hides from him, observes him, haunts him, and ruins all his romantic dates when he’s trying to impress women by making them dinner. Does she learn all she needs to know about him and fall in love before he discovers she’s real and living with him and the one who’s been ruining his love life? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 16: canon divergent, arranged marriage. Many, many years after the rebellion, old victor and mockingjay Haymitch living alone finally starts accepting help, hires teenagers Katniss to bring him liquor and pick up packages and Peeta to bring food and do some chores. The old man sees how the 2 could be good for each other, and being strategic, manipulative, and an old romantic fool with regrets over “the one that got away,” he writes a will leaving his huge fortune to Peeta and Katniss on the condition they have a big romantic wedding within 30 days and live in his mansion caring for his Effie Rose Garden (“Creamy buds unfurl to reveal a memorable heart of buttery yellow, dusty apricot and zesty orange. From a cupped bloom, Rose Effie gradually opens to a perfect rosette, showcasing her splendor.”) And geese.  [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 17: AU, supernatural. “The Monkey's Paw" retelling - 3 wishes are granted (to the owner of the monkey's paw, either Katniss or Peeta) but the wishes come with an enormous price for interfering with fate. Will the last wish make things right? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 18: enemies to lovers. Katniss ruins Peeta’s relationship or his shot with a super hot woman. Peeta ruins Katniss’s shot at great job or security with potential fiancé. Other series of embarrassments and cockblocking type events? Will they start sabotaging each other for revenge? Will they have angry sex or will it dawn on them that they’re actually attracted to each other first and make everything awkward before they instead have a sweet vulnerable moment and slow reverent love-making? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 19: based loosely on retelling of biblical Jacob and wives Rachel and Leah in that polygamist Peeta is husband to both Katniss and Prim. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 20: Peeta works in ER or long-term care facility. Katniss called in from next-of-kin list and has to decide whether to pull the plug on Prim. They argue over value and meaning of life, over spiritual beliefs and doubts of afterlife, over everything. What will she do? Will this event in this one room be the only thing they ever share, or will the bond they forge through this emotional event be the beginning for them? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 21: Graduating senior Katniss finally accepts an invitation to one of Madge’s wild, unsupervised parties completely unprepared for what goes on in them. Everyone at the party notices her for different reasons from jealousy over the way she looks to suspicion that she’s going to tell parents about the activities to desire to ruin her good girl reputation. Peeta has never missed a party - how does he react to seeing her there? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 22: Their creative writing assignment is to write a short story or poem and to illustrate it as a sketch, painting, animation, with puppets, anything goes. Classmates Katniss and Peeta base their works on the exact same shared experience! (such as the burnt bread, the dandelion, the meadow at sunset, something else entirely). Reaction? People think one of them copied the idea off the other or that they worked together. But Katniss and Peeta realize that the other one remembers, and it meant something to them, too! Will they finally talk? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 23: social media type craziness enemies to lovers. Katniss and Peeta each host a YouTube channel rapidly growing in popularity, Peeta focuses on baking and Katniss on wild game cooking, a competition for audience share becomes personal after they both bake a meat pie recipe, viewers begin to rabidly support their favorite or to ship them together hard, they start to hate each other without ever meeting, maybe they get forced into interacting for a charity benefit, things get ugly, maybe one or both has significant other who react badly to the shipping hype? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 24: While no one expected Katniss to show up to graduation right after her mother passed away and her sister died, they were surprised that she disappeared completely, and even more stunned when she reappeared years later to claim the town’s only apothecary as the last living family member. What compels her to take it over? Where has she been? What kind of welcome does she get? How does she feel about returning and about town life? What’s been going on with Peeta, is he the baker, is he single, a dad, how’s he been all these years? Will talking with him be awkward? Has he changed? Who has Katniss become? Does she seem different? Will she stay? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 25: Katniss is the new girl at this school, transferred to get a better education. Everything about her is alluring, even more so because she doesn’t see the effect she has. Seems everyone is in a clique. She learns that some people are mean and compete like it’s a fight to the death. How does she survive this new arena, learn to identify friends, and stay true to her values under this pressure to fit in? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 26: MJ canon divergent: Prim was not killed. Gale and Katniss attempted to get back to how they were before the war, but he realized he already lost Katniss' to Peeta - heart, body and soul. Any POV. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 27: Everlark in a Tangled!AU, with Katniss as Eugene, and Peeta as Rapunzel (without the super long hair...he has lovely, curly blond locks that heal when combed along to the song...but boy uses a rope to get people in/out of the tower!) [submitted by @albinokittens300]

Prompt 28: Modern AU: Bestfriends!Everlark took their shot at being lovers. But Katniss introduced Peeta as her "bestfriend" to a guy in a party (she was not used to calling him boyfriend yet). He was furious. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 29: I want to request a fic where Katniss and Peeta almost lost their first child and it just made their love and relationship even stronger. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 30: Peeta is Katniss’ tantric yoga teacher. She joins the class on a dare from Johanna and is committed to attending for 3 months. She hates it...at first. Smut happens. [submitted by @mrspeetamellark]

Prompt 31: Peeta Mellark, breakout star and heartthrob has just been cast in the newest highly anticipated fantasy epic (think like Jon Snow in GoT....or whatever because this is just a prompt) His character is highly skilled with a sword and absolutely lethal with a bow. Him and the rest of the cast have to do three months of intensive training prior to production. How will that go with him having a massive crush on Katniss Everdeen, weapons expert and fight choreographer? [submitted by @nightlock-89]

Prompt 32: Katniss Everdeen, famous musician hates posing for photoshoots whether it's for an album or a magazine with the exception of celebrity photographer Peeta Mellark who seems to always know the way to get the best shots. [submitted by @nightlock-89​]

Prompt 33: Based off the movie The Vow except it's Peeta who wakes up to find out he's married to his childhood crush Katniss Everdeen with no knowledge of them ever even dating. [submitted by @nightlock-89​​]

Prompt 34: Modern AU where a forty year old Katniss has shut herself off from the world from fear of getting hurt. After her sister dies she realizes how isolated she is and now wants to open herself up to love, but hasn’t a clue where to begin. Everlark HEA - the details of how they meet and what Peeta’s been up to are entirely up to you. :) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 35: Katniss and Peeta tet to have a date night but the babysitter calls for some "disaster" at home (a burst pipe or something, nothing serious). [submitted by @booksrockmyface]

Prompt 36: Katniss and Peeta are both single parents. They meet while chaperoning a field trip. The rest is up to you! [submitted by @mrspeetamellark]

Prompt 37: Forbidden romance AU: Katniss is the school principal. Peeta is a new teacher fresh out of college. Age!gap Everlark. Smut happens. [submitted by @mrspeetamellark]

Prompt 38: Both Katniss and Peeta are rescued from the arena, and Peeta’s entire family makes it safely to D13. How does everyone get along? (Perhaps the older Mellark brothers have a “chat” with Gale? Or the Hawthornes, Mellarks and Everdeens meet up for the first time at dinner and a fight breaks out? Does anyone have anything to say about the beach kiss?? Prim? Rye? Gale? Will Katniss stick by Peeta or avoid meeting the expectations she set with that beach kiss and declaration of “I need you”?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 39: Katniss has been bumping into the same stranger (Peeta) for months. When they get stuck in an unfortunate situation together, she decides to be the first to say hello. [submitted by @eiramrelyat]

Prompt 40: Katniss is finally, after a long fight with infertility, expecting their second baby. She plans to share this news with Peeta in a big way. Just some sweet, happy Everlark excited for their second toastbaby! [submitted by @albinokittens300]

Prompt 41: based on high school musical. katniss as gabriella, the smart, great singer and shy girl who starts a friendship w the football star player of the school peeta mellark after singing together at a new year's day's party. could be based on the events of one or all three movies. just some light, fluff high school romance and a very hea. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 42: Group of friends. Economic disaster, no jobs; eventually in desperation someone in the group suggests making a porno for $, the idea takes off, as they work on a script and put out ideas, alot becomes clear, like who has kinks, who has tried a lot, and that one is an inexperienced virgin. Does the writing experience have consequences to the group dynamic, will they actually film and sell it, will they stay friends? Are any couples or siblings part of the group? Are secrets revealed through brainstorming? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 43: After getting her to agree to be his girlfriend, Gale calls Katniss frigid for not being ready for more than handholding and chaste kisses. In effort thaw her faster, he makes an appointment with a team of sex experts, Mellark, Mason, and Undersee (offering MD diagnostics, individual and couple counseling, sex surrogacy help). The professional team breaks under strain of dealing with jackass Gale. Katniss breaks all ties with him and learns in working with the team that she wants sex and just how she likes it. (Is it M/F, F/F, 3-way...) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 44: First-date Everlark. How do they know each other? Who asked who? How do they prepare? Where do they go? How old are they? Does the first date end with a kiss? Pancakes? Request for another? Is it perfect or a disaster so epic they actually have fun and agree to a second first-date? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 45: Peeta works security (peacekeeper? police?), Katniss is a protester (rebellion? BLM?) or a civilian (rebel?) or a local translator in her village. Do they know each other at all? Work together? Fight on opposite sides or meet at common ground? What threatens them? Are their feelings real? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 46: They really do toast privately in CF - katniss wearing an orange dress for peeta and peeta making cheese buns for katniss. They wanted something their own. No one knows about it and there’s no baby (as far they know) but how would this change their relationship? How they make their decisions? Would anyone actually believe they’re married when she gets to district 13? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 47: Katniss and peeta have a secret semi-relationship prior to the 74th games resulting in a child. Katniss’ family hides it was her pregnancy and pretends its mrs everdeens - assuming katniss went to cray or something. What happens when both katniss and peeta are reaped? Will peeta learn of his child? Will anything change during the games? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 48: Mrs. Mellark survived the bombing of district 12 because she was squatting at Peeta’s house. How does this event change her and how does this effect Everlark? (Does this count as an eligible prompt? I just think it would be a great dynamic!) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 49: Age gap. Peeta is a kid in love, driven to enlist, returns as amputee, expects no woman will have him, let alone Katniss. She has become a skilled healer, comes to care for him. He makes her heart full again, she renews him. Age becomes irrelevant. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 50: Fae Peeta or some other supernatural. Mellarks are secretly fae and Peeta meets his mate *Katniss* on the first day of school. katniss is human and it’s dangerous for them to interact when they are so young still. Peeta is forbidden to interact with her until the 74th games - where he will do everything he can to save her. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 51: Katniss and Peeta unknowingly have super powers. Anything beyond regular human is rare or unheard of in Panem. For some reason it manifests in both of them and comes out as they both fight to protect each other’s lives in the games. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 52: An AU based on Casper The movie from 1995 (just rewatched this movie, it gaves me so much EverLark vibes^^). Katniss comes to live in an old house alone or with family. Peeta is a ghost staying in this house for who knows how long. He doesn't remember much of his living life. The house is full of secrets. They try to discover the story of Peeta and of course they fell in love ! How can it be a happy ending ? 😉 [submitted by @dreamingreaderuniverse]

Prompt 53: Peeta has a harder time after the 74th games then anyone realizes. PTSD, the virtual abandonment of his family, and Katniss’ lack of interest in him, he’s in a bad place. He puts up a front when around Katniss and Haymitch, but things come to head when he gets an anxiety/panic attack while on the victory tour. Katniss is there for him. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 54: Madge has hosted “Beach Week!” ever since her family acquired the multi-dwelling retreat years ago. Katniss never had the $ to go, but with Madge relocating to Paris, Katniss lets Madge cover her share of the expenses with the promise to make it the best! week! ever! Katniss assumes Madge means taking a turn at karaoke or *gulp* going skinny dipping by moonlight. She learns that Madge and her many guests shed all inhibitions, especially with this being their last chance to go wild. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 55: Arriving in D13, it’s quickly discovered that Peeta will never be the same. Mixed with a failed high jacking, and a brutal beating, Peeta’s brain will never be the same. He’s childlike and mostly nonverbal, but Katniss still sees her Boy with Bread and will protect him at all costs.[submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 56: Peeta wasn’t highjacked in MJ. He was tortured, but not set against Katniss. After Peeta’s warning to D13 he receives the punishment for treason: he becomes an avox. [submitted by @kiinghanalister]

Prompt 57: Girl Scout Cookies come to D12: real world trackerjacker venom to a proud 4th generation baker. Is his own daughter a new scout? Is he asked to lead the fundraiser? Does troop leader Katniss come by with her scouts asking to set up a sales table in front of Mellark Bakery? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 58: Katniss’s grandchild is full of questions: why does grandpa walk funny? why is your yard have only dandelions when everybody else only has grass? why can’t I pick the prim roses - they’re yellow, too ... did you know I could eat this many cheesebuns? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 59: Katniss dad is a victor he won his hunger games and is a mentor. Peeta is reaped for the games and Katniss begs her dad to help him win the games. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 60: Quote prompt: I can see in his eyes what I've done is unforgivable ... "Who can't lie, Peeta?" (Maybe Katniss and Mrs Mellark manipulate situation to get what they think is best for Peeta, sacrificing relationship and destroying trust? Does he leave for years? Does she ever apologize enough to renew a friendship? Was he forced to live a different life than what he wanted? Or does he live his dream life but without Katniss? Is he happily married with kids when she sees him a few years later? Or is he an old bitter man who never loved or trusted again?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 61: The Hunger Games is real - you can go home with your winnings to live HEA. Katniss and Peeta celebrate with sex. Unfortunately, the beauty treatment chemicals stimulate the gonads, and Katniss finds she’s carrying not just one Mellark baby but eight. They’ll need more $. Haymitch suggests a reality tv show. Everyone must play a roll to earn a salary - Mrs Mellark plays the loving grandma (off camera, she’s still a mean bitch), who else will take on a tv persona? They jam in many ridiculous product placements. They slap their logo onto anything they can sell to capitolites. How far will they go to keep those baby butts in clean diapers? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 62: Katniss is the football team’s new kicker and the league’s first and only female player. It’s their first road trip. She’d heard stories about what goes on from head cheerleader Madge and piccolo player Delly. Katniss deals with locker room issues, getting respect she earned for her skill, handling the culture of drinking and casual sex, dealing with possessive girls jealous of her time with the guys or others influencing her to change her look or her attitude, finding what makes her happy and what is real. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 63: Enemies to lovers; Katniss and Peeta are rival business owners (located right next door to each other). A blackout during a snowstorm pushes them together and they are forced to face their true feelings. Do that really "hate" each other, or is their intense desire for one another manifesting itself in other ways? Before the night is over, they find themselves locked in the other's arms. [submitted by @ameliaodair]

Prompt 64: Katniss and Peeta are in a scary car accident - bring on the angst! With happy ending of course :) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 65: 74th games - Katniss is being cornered by a male tribute (whoever you want) early on in the games. She doesn’t have her bow and he’s larger and stronger. He quickly over powers her but he’s not looking to kill her - he has more nefarious ideas. Peeta finds them and doesn’t hesitate to tackle the tribute off of Katniss and kills him in rage. Katniss doesn’t leave Peeta’s side after this moment. How does this change Katniss and the rest of the books? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 66: A story told in pictures. Like, Instagram of their stuff only, as Katniss and Peeta get in to college, change roommates, suffer loss, move on, eventually see their stuff together when they cohabitate, or maybe start there and go through drama of breakup until find way back together. (Like the supposition that your garden looks overgrown is a clue that your husband is having an affair type of idea). [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 67: 🌈❤️🦋Katniss and Peeta are the cutest couple!🌸❤️🦄Everbody hates them. Everyone tries to break them up, for their own reason, using their own methods. Damn it, it only makes their love stronger! It ends in some triumph, like celebration of their golden anniversary or other great fortune. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 68: Katniss always wanted to be a mother, she just never wanted to admit it with the Games hanging over everyone’s heads. So when the war is over and everything is real for Katniss and Peeta, she’s wants to start a family with Peeta. Only- Peeta has never wanted kids. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 69: It’s the start of the holiday shopping season. The Hunger Games Victors’ big public event is attending the grand opening of a huge new toy store where they are presented with hottest must-have new toys: action figures of themselves. Afterwards, they start playing with their dolls. Johanna’s is quickly naked. Is Finnick’s anatomically correct? Anyone jealous of Katniss’s doll coming with the Cinna Collection accessories? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 70: Everlark AU Where the Heart Is (movie) - heavily pregnant Katniss is abandoned at a Walmart in the middle of nowhere by her baby daddy. Homeless and with nowhere to go, Katniss secretly bunks at Walmart each day. One early morning she goes into labor and is discovered by the blue eyed and kind employee Peeta who immediately jumps in to help. Admitting to having no one or place to go to Nurse Effie, Katniss finds herself and her baby the reluctant charge of Haymitch Abernathy. [submitted by @kiinghanalister]

Prompt 71: Magic of Ordinary Days AU: 1940s, Katniss is a single pregnant girl. Desperate for her daughter not to have a child out of wedlock, Mrs Everdeen contacts a priest who in turn knows a young man who just may be willing to help. Sweet, kind and shy Peeta stayed home to take care of the family farm when his beloved brother went to war to never come back. He’s always wanted a family but rural small town life gives little chance to court. He hears of Katniss’ plight and graciously offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. He does everything he can think of to make a home for Katniss and the baby. How does Katniss take it? How does their relationship develop? Will they fall in love? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 72: Post MJ Everlark Parallel to the CF Scene that takes place after the jabberjay hour. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 73: Katniss looses a baby before they have Toastbaby one [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 74: Con man Peeta has an elaborate operation fleecing money out of unsuspecting wealthy victims. Why does he do it? Is it a Robin Hood type operation to redistribute money to the underprivileged and marginalized people? Or is it more selfishly oriented? He can’t do it alone and hires Katniss as a “research assistant.” Authors choice as to what exactly her role is. Does she help select the victims? The recipients of the funds? Or is she involved in planning and executing the cons? Does she help him discover the errors of his ways if he’s doing it for himself? Whatever the plan is, falling in love is not part of it and when you lose focus of the plan, bad things happen. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 75: Black swan style AU with Peeta as Odette and/or Odelle. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 76: Vignettes from a mother’s eye. Everlark through the eyes of Mrs Everdeen, Mrs Mellark, Mrs Hawthorne. One of them or any combination of the three. Canon compliant or any AU. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 77: Married Everlark are coworkers and their marriage is on the rocks. They’ve been sleeping in separate rooms. Divorce looks inevitable. On a business trip, there is *dramatic pause* only one bed. Does the forced closeness lead them to really talk for the first time in months or does it drive them further apart? Smut not required. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 78: Everlark in their twilight years. What do their relationships with the toastbabies look like? Are there grandkids? [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 79: This holiday is dumb, Katniss says every year even as Peeta goes all out with the traditions, decorations, themed baked goods, cajoling Katniss to partake in activities. Now there’s a toastbaby on the way and for some reason, Peeta doesn’t do any of the things he usually does for the holiday. How does Katniss react? Relieved? Or does she realize she actually loves his zeal and tries to spark the spirit back into him? Writer picks the holiday and level of cheesy fluff. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 80: How does that work? They were roommates and best friends. When they meet a couple who has a common law marriage, Everlark starts to wonder if it applies to them too. Go angsty or fluffy or crazy, wherever the muse takes you. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 81: Shakespearean style AU in the vein of Still Star Crossed. Katniss and Peeta were not the famed star crossed lovers. Someone else was. But while the deaths of their best friends are still fresh, Katniss and Peeta find themselves in an arranged marriage to hopefully heal the rift. Tell me their story. Any time period or setting welcome. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 82: Everlark + Taylor Swift. I'll make it easy. Any song, write a fic based on it. Are Katniss or Peeta the songwriter, or the ones living out the ending? [submitted by @archersandsunsets]

Prompt 83: Katniss gets stung by tracker jackers post mj, Peeta take care of his wife [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 84: Elementary School - the beginning of having a “girlfriend/boyfriend” - Katniss’s best friends (Maggie and Gale) are the “it couple”. She really doesn’t care - she can sit with her friend Jo at lunch and hangs out on the monkey bars alone. Until a new boy comes to school! [submitted by @winegirl65]

Prompt 85: Arranged Marriage!Everlark. (Not medieval necessarily but ‘old time’ setting) Peeta and Katniss have been betrothed since they were children, but have only seen each other through portraits/paintings. Both grow resentful of their arranged marriage, and act up against it; K being as wild and unladylike as possible: hunting, wearing trousers, riding bareback; P being a rake, silver tongue con artist, etc. A month before their wedding, they meet at a The Hub (black market/pub/whatever disresputable place you want it to be) and bet at arm wrestling against each other. Is it love at first sight? Do they armwrestle each other? Do they recognize one another? Will there be smut because ‘hey, we’ll be marry in a month anyway’? Writers choice! [submitted by @alliswell21]

Prompt 86: Katniss is married to Gale, but they have an open marriage. Gale sleeps around and has other girlfriends, but Katniss is only intimide with her best friend, Peeta - extra brownie points if Everlark have toast babies or Kat leaves Gale for Peeta. Thank you! [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 87: Katniss is desperate for a job. She applies for a job with the following description, even though she isn’t fully qualified: We are looking to hire a Data Analyst to join our data team. You will take responsibility for managing our master data set, developing reports, and troubleshooting data issues. To do well in this role you need a very fine eye for detail, experience as a data analyst, and a deep understanding of the popular data analysis tools and databases.Peeta’s just doing his friend a favor, applying for a job he’s definitely not qualified for in order to keep an eye on his friend’s crazy uncle.What happens when Katniss and Peeta are the only applicants for the job of data analyst to Supervillain Haymitch? Will they find a way to both get what they need? Do they stick to the job description or discover that there’s much more to the phrase “Others duties as assigned”? What about Haymitch? His nefarious plans always go awry, and actually don’t seem all that evil, but perhaps with the help of his two questionable new data analysts, he can finally expose two-faced Superhero Coin for the dastardly villain she is. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 88: Peeta designs “toys” for his adult shop. He hires Katniss to test his products, she has to fill a questionnaire for feed back or something of the sort. One day she comes in complaining that one of the toys doesn’t work; Peeta thinks she’s not using it properly, so he sits in to watch her try it once more... “to take notes”. She is indeed using it wrong, so he steps in to show her the correct way. [submitted by @alliswell21]

Prompt 89: If Prim and Peeta are never reaped, and Mrs Mellark and Prim die after the 75th Games, and widower Mr Mellark marries widow Mrs Everdeen, what would happen to Katniss? We know from the book that her mom would leave her. And, what would Peeta do? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 90: The Olympic committee is selling sponsorships and heavily advertising the upcoming games. The most photogenic of each sport is asked to pose for pics and attend functions, film commercial together, do some interviews. What sports represented by Katniss, Peeta, others? Required to look cozy? Animosity behind those smiles? Competitiveness? Banter? Any secrets? Do they have a “breakfast club” ending? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 91: Katniss senses something is amiss before the bakery door opens: chaos as Mr. Mellark incapacitated (throws out back?) on one of their busiest days! Mrs M never acknowledged K before, but they desperately need kitchen help, now! And K is more than capable of working hard. A bargain is struck to clean up and follow all other directions thrown at her in exchange for bread and coin. Hard negotiations? Peeta’s reaction? Is it Katniss and all 3 boys in the back? Do the older 2 know her? Any talking? How does the long day go? Does it end well for Peeta? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 92: Years later, the blocked mine shaft is finally cleared, and the bodies are recovered. Will recovery of her father’s remains help Katniss or make things worse? Will the community do anything to honor the men? Will the Everdeens get any personal effects, did he leave a message for Katniss? Will there be evidence that leads to prosecution and $ settlement? Will Peeta, Gale, community, mom, Prim be there to support K? Who can she talk to? Is she changed? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 93: Mr Hawthorne doesn’t die in the mine explosion. It’s he who Katniss meets in the woods and becomes her hunting partner, and eventually a father figure when he starts offering advice on what to do once she graduates. He sees how the baker’s son acts, but he has 3 sons who need strong, hard-working and skilled wives, and he saw Mrs E leave town life behind. Peeta never sees K with Gale - what impact does that have on him? Does Mr H speak of rebellion or does he stay quiet on the subject? Does Katniss see the Hawthorns happily married and modify views on marriage if not on raising a family? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 94: Chris Pratt was a “kick ass” door to door coupon salesman. That could be Peeta! Vacuum cleaner sales, and he has to come in for a demonstration! He’s charming, but does his pitch earn him a sale? Does his cleaner choke on all the cat hair from buttercup? Does the powerful unit suck up something of value? Is it even her house or is she house sitting and wasting his time? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 95: Peeta is also rescued or ah least when he is saved from the capitol he isn’t hijacked which leads to katniss and peeta finally dating - Johanna and finnick still make fun of the happy couple about being so “pure” and one day they have enough - either they purposely do the deed loudly or something in front of them or whatever it is, make it steamy! Or.......peeta exxagerates and tells finnick and Johanna what they have done together in an attempt to prove how unpure they are and Katniss overhears and finally does all the things peeta was explaining [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 96: The Games ended with the rebellion years ago, but now you can “experience all the excitement for yourself at Disney’s newest theme park The Hunger Games! Take a wild train ride into a real replica arena! Experience the thrill of virtually racing to the 3-D weapons pile then trade your kill count tickets in for arcade prizes! Flex your muscles swinging real replica axes and swords! Try on costumes, or enjoy a spa day at Beauty Base Zero! Enjoy an all-you-can-eat meal at The Cornucopia Buffet!” So, who wants to go? Or, who works there? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 97: Everlark cuddling. That’s it. That’s the prompt. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 98: Toned, nubile, athletic Katniss and Peeta are hired as stunt and body doubles for a couple of famous film actors who have been liberally airbrushed for the promo pics. The $ is good. No one can know. A lot of nudity. No dialogue, just well timed grunts and groans. One talks a lot when nervous between takes. Some embarrassing moments. Friendship and trust built over time. When it’s over, can they walk away? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 99: I want a smutty filled fanfic in d13 if Peeta wasnt hijacked and or captured. Are they in a relationship? How does this change Katniss’ relationship with Gale? What does Johanna think of it all? Does Finnick make fun of them but slap Peeta on the back? Does Mrs. Everdeen have an awkward conversation with Katniss about birth control? Does anyone overhear or walk in? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 100: Can be modern canon compliant divergent or whatever but with Johanna and Finnick and or Haymitch talking about Everlark and what they have or haven’t done yet. They all make a bet to see who is right and how far the star crossed lovers have taken there physical and emotional relationship. Extra points if Finnick knowingly smiles at Peeta or Everlark tells them who is right. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 101: Artist Peeta’s niche: option 1: pets - portraits dressed in period costumes with or without owner, or perfectly painted on sugar cookie, other medium? Does Prim want it, or does Katniss surprise gift it to Prim? Buttercup or Lady? In studio or outdoors? Is K indulgent or exasperated? option 2: uptight Katniss discovers that Prim had erotic boudoir photos taken of herself, and neither she nor photographer Peeta told her! She would have stopped Prim. Who is Peeta to katniss? Is Peeta insulted by what she spews out about his job and art? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 102: Peeta and Katniss are both made to wait outside the principals office. One of them in trouble for getting into a fight. The other ? Conversation started by the one not seething. As the hour drags on, they discover common ground and attraction. Suddenly, principal opens office door, and the moment is gone. Do they find way to each other at school? Or in big high school, do they happen to see each other years later under very different circumstances? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 103: Nonhijacked Peeta in d13 needs advice from Finnick about well, you know, how to fuck a girl. And well Katniss goes to Johanna or Annie for the same thing. Will Finnick and Johanna and or Annie tell each other about Katniss and Peeta asking advice? Will they purposely sabotage Everlark by giving them funny bad advice? Will they purposely and awkwardly talk about it at lunch with Gale there? Up to you but make it funny and hot [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 104: Everlark before the quell starts to get intimate, when it dawns on them that Katniss doesn’t want to get pregnant and frankly, either does Peeta however this is something they want to experience. So what do they do? Ask Panem’s biggest heartthrob Finnick for some condoms. Hopefully when the victors have training the next day at lunch, Finnick hasn’t told anyone. Hopefully....😏 [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 105: Katniss is lucky enough to be upgraded to First Class on a flight home to visit her mother and younger sister. Little does she know that onboard is one of Panem’s most important, and consequently, most handsome men, and he takes a shining to her. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 106: Peeta is a pearl diver/diver/oceanographer. He’s been looking for the perfect way to propose to his longtime girlfriend, Katniss, and thinks he’s found it when he discovers a rare pearl under the sea. The problem is, Katniss isn’t the only one who appreciates his find. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 107: When her boyfriend cheats, Katniss gets her revenge by making a pass at her boyfriend’s greatest enemy. She only intended to flirt with him to piss off her cheating ex, but things spiral out of control, and they wind up in a dangerously passionate entanglement. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 108: Everlark fall for one another over a blood transfusion. It happens not once, but twice. His blood runs through her veins, and now hers runs through his. What are the odds they would save each other’s lives? [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 109: Haymitch as a matchmaker. Nuff’ said. His matches are always disasters, but one time, he gets it exactly right when he sets up his neighbors, a stoic girl with a braid and a lonely, blond baker boy. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 110: A group of bachelorettes/bridesmaids kidnap groom-to-be, Peeta Mellark, in order to convince him that he's marrying the wrong woman, and that he should, in fact, be with their friend and fellow bridesmaid, Katniss Everdeen. [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 111: Peeta is a struggling post-graduate art major. He finally finds a place he can afford because the landlord cuts him some slack on the rent. One day, his landlord becomes ill/injured and his daughter/niece takes over. Peeta's instantly smitten with her, but she insists on the full rent. Will Peeta find a way to pay his sexy landlord? Can he also win her heart? [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 112: Katniss's family owns a Mexican restaurant. Peeta and his friends come in, and he's immediately captivated by her. He keeps coming back, hoping to win her over, but he makes the mistake of inadvertently insulting her/her family. Can he make amends? Will she ever go out with him? [submitted by @mandelion82]

Prompt 113: she’s the man au featuring katniss and gale as the twins, peeta as duke, and madge as Olivia. [submitted by @thegirlwhowokethedreamer]

Prompt 114: Inspired by THIS picture I found - finnick understands Peeta and katniss' love for one another in his point of view [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 115: Post mockingjay, everlark picnic in the meadow, with child or without whatever you feel I just want happy thriving everlark post war [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 116: Hades Peeta and Persephone Katniss fanfic. Maybe Katniss is being abused or needs a reason to leave Olympus and Peeta provides that for her or Peeta just takes her. Peeta may bit of a douche or even dark!Peeta but the two warm up to each other eventually. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 117: Dark!Peeta fanfic where he is a stalker, kidnapper, or serial killer. But he does all of these things because it’s his way of protecting Katniss and ensuring they will be together. Katniss finds out in the end and chaos ensues [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 118: Under the Tuscan Sun AU: Reeling from the breakdown of her marriage due to her partner's infidelity, and struggling to follow up a successful book release, Katniss's friends book her a trip on a bus tour through Tuscany, Italy, to try and help her move on. When she accidentally ends up buying a villa in the Tuscan countryside, she finds not only new inspiration but a new chance at love in the form of her blonde-haired contractor, Peeta Mellark. [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 119: what if Katniss and Peeta didn't get interrupted by finnick that night on the beach in the quell? Would they have kept going? Would the outcome of the night change since that new relationship step where they absolutely would have refused to be seperated? [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 120: In the blast in THG, Katniss loses hearing in BOTH ears - she's miraculously able to hear the announcement of the 2 tributes from the same district (maybe it's just super muffled??) how does katniss handle the rest of the games without her hearing? how is peeta able to communicate with her? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 121: Secret lovers!Everlark, aged 20s: They've been a group of friends with Gale and Finnick. Katniss has always been "one of the boys" and seemed uninterested with boys... until Peeta and she had this drunken confession night and they've been hiding kisses and touches since. Summer in a few weeks, they want to go officially together to their annual beach trip, and they start planning how to break it to their friends gently... especially to Gale whom she turned down in college. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 122: a day in the bakery with Peeta and Katniss ... could be modern or in Panem ... I’ve just been watching a lot of Korean cafe videos and I need detailed descriptions of cake and cute couple moments 🍰 [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

Prompt 123: wholesome late 1700s Austen-esque romance with local country pastor Peeta (a la Henry Tilney) and his pretty, windswept parishioner, Miss Katniss Everdeen (a la any Austen heroine) with the angelic singing voice and dandelion trimmed bonnet [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

Prompt 124: The war is over, Peeta has been home for 6 months and things have been gradually better between him and Katniss. Just as Katniss starts to realize how much she needs Peeta things begin to fall apart and he is quick regressing into the tortured Capitol mutt. The Doctors say there is no hope. Katniss convinces Beetee to break into Peeta's medical files and discovers things about Peeta's mother noone knew, especially Peeta. Can this new information be the key to bringing her Peeta back or will it destroy both of them. [submitted by @emazura]

Prompt 125: Peeta Mellark has just started school with a disability (physical, metal, etc.). How will his best friend, Katniss Everdeen, help him through the year and navigate bullies? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 126: The Wedding Year AU. K & P meet and start dating. Early on, they learn that between the both of them they're invited to a lot of weddings (for friends, coworkers, family, whoever), even in the wedding party for some. They decide which ones they'll attend, and these weddings are spread throughout the year. The thing is K has commitment issues and isn't sure if she's even the marrying type, so how does this year of weddings play out for her and P? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 127: AU - Peeta is has two older brothers, a loving but weak father, and an abusive mother. How can the older boys comfort five year old Peeta after his mother’s attacks? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 128: broken katniss post mockingjay - super depressed about everything and the weight of what she went through is finally sinking in with no war to distract her. Peeta comes back and takes care of Katniss - either Peeta Katniss or even Haymitch’s points of view [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 129: AU Inspired by the Greek and Roman mythologies, where the Games take place in an amphitheater/arena turned into a labyrinth. How often do the games occur? Are there mythological beasts/mutts? How do Katniss and Peeta survive? Or do they not? What happens after they leave the arena? [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 130: Sheep herder Peeta and quiet seamstress Katniss. That’s it. That’s the prompt. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 131: okay well somebody’s gotta do the inevitable Everlark/WandaVision crossover ... but it’s gotta end happy or I’m gonna be very upset [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

Prompt 132: Katniss and Peeta are musicians writing songs about one another unbeknownst to the other. Specifically Taylor Swift's cover of Untouchable, Katniss writes about Peeta. Peeta writes Jump then Fall (maybe change it up a little) about Katniss. Please & thank you! [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 133: The victory tour is live-streamed and mandatory viewing for each district. What no one expected however, was for Snow to know Peeta was the words behind Katniss - the one he couldn’t control. When peeta starts talking about rue and thresh in D11, snow issues the command and everyone is shocked when a bang rings out and a red spot starts rapidly spreading on Peeta’s chest. Reactions and the aftermath! [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 134: Katniss and Peeta in an FLR marriage, Peeta is bisexual and so Katniss has a lot of boyfriends like Cinna, Thresh, Gale, Finnick with whom they have sexy times. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 135: Princess Katniss Everdeen was forced to marry King Snow's son Cato, to ensure that the people in her kingdom didn’t die due to famine. Too bad she falls in love with Cato's personal sex slave, Peeta Mellark. But his time in the royal harem and that with the prince has made him too broken to even consider about love. Will Katniss be able to soothe his bettered soul? What happens when the king finds out? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 136: Katniss Everdeen never had a student as unruly as Peeta Mellark. She wants to spank the hell out of him. What happens when he finally submits himself to his hot and sexy bio teacher? [submitted by @everlurked]

Prompt 137: Millionaire Katniss Everdeen is a porn film maker. Too bad she has to hire, watch and edit two of the sexist man on earth Peeta Mellark and Finnick Odair having sex when she finds out that she might be having a huge crush on Peeta. But she thinks that they are in a relationship. Will she take a chance when Peeta tells her that he is bi and actually Finnick and him are friends, comfortable with each other to do such intimate things for money and not so subtly hints that he likes her too? [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 138: Katniss realizes her feelings for Peeta on the train back and is honest with herself and Peeta about how real it was for her - the beginning of a real relationship after the games [submitted by @everlark-always]

Prompt 139: Young Katniss discovers a wolf cub caught in one of her traps while hunting with her father. They bring him home to heal and Katniss falls in love with his gorgeous blue eyes. He joins the family and becomes Katniss’ new hunting partner. As he grows, Katniss discovers the orphaned wolf’s secret. Werewolf!PeetaBonus: Jealous Gale (As friend? Hunting partner? Your choice) [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 140: The west side of the village is surrounded by a vast forest that no one dares to enter. There’s a legend that states anyone who enters will die in the hands of the wolf that can’t turn back into a man. Katniss doesn’t believe this but when she reads a book, the curiosity gets to her and the only one that she could trust is the drunk man of the town. Witness her encounters this cursed being and how everything in this town isn’t what it seems. #werewolves #magic [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 141: Okay. So texting is wonderful, isn’t it? Katniss is thrilled that she can talk to people without actually talking, especially across the room when that one person you want to talk to is in a different conversation/group than you are. (This can just be fluffy, but as an added bonus, maybe it’s also a way for someone to get *flirty* - or more - with their convo, making her blush like crazy, and the people in her group wanna know what’s going on, why are you blushing..... Or even reversed where Peeta ends up blushing at something she sent. Though he would probably just grin and look up at her unabashedly, which she chided him for later because it’s a dead giveaway. OR! Katniss receives an unwanted text/set of texts from someone - named or not idc - and someone like Finnick or Jo, Gale, maybe Prim, or even Peeta - beast mode activated - sees it over her shoulder and loses their shit and starts taking over the conversation in a ridiculous and hilarious way, unbeknownst to the person responding, and to Katniss’ chagrin. Maybe even as a group, and Katniss just cannot get her phone out of their hands. (I feel like Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie would add their hilarious two cents here and there but also I have no idea how that would work. Idk. This is also known as “The prompt for something I want to write but I don’t write sexy because I’m an awkward turtle but I still want to read this”. You know. Thank you in advance to anyone who read this and/or takes it on.) [submitted by @everybirdfellsilent]

Prompt 142: An Eon ago, the powerful seer got sent a prophecy that shook the world where it stood. "The joining of the purest soulmate will bring the gift that will change the world." (Can be changed to sound so much better)Throughout the years, the prophecy has been misconstrued and manipulated to their owe benefit. Is Katniss the child, the prophecy warned or is there more to that? #Magic #Soulmates [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 143: Katniss moves into a new town for her new job when she catches the eye of the VP of the bicker gang. How long can she resist him and can she truly fit into his life? #HotPeeta [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 144: She has a night of fun before the start of the semester. She meets this guy, they hit it off that they sleep together. But when she shows up to her class the next day, she sees the guy again. But he’s her professor and he’s way older than she originally thought. #olderPeeta [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 145: She moves in with her aunt and uncle when her parents dies in a small town. After suffering through trama, Katniss slowly starts to get better with the help of her family (aunt, uncle, cousin) and the Mellark brothers. But when things starts happening to her and the people around her, it’s revealed that she and almost everyone in the towns are apart of the werewolf pack and that one of the Mellark brothers is her mate. #werewolves [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 146: Katniss and Peeta Mellark as the "Biggest Family of District 12!" #allthetoastbabies [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 147: An Everlark fic inspired by e.e. cummings poem I Carry Your Heart [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 148: When a wolf pup runs towards Katniss while in the forest calling her Mama, she doesn't know where they came from and how can she understand them? Is she going crazy? Who's the father? (Its the hot hunk that she meets a day later) #werewolves #toastpups [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 149: An Everlark fic based on the real life story of a kitty becoming best friends with a neighbor (I will post the video link in the comments of the answered ask). Is Peeta depressed? PTSD? Grieving? (Please no divorced/widow/single dad storyline though unless it's like adoption). How does Katniss ultimately bond with Peeta and be a healing light for him in addition to Buttercup? Tension tension tension. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 150: Katniss + Peeta idiots to lovers, modern au best friends secretly pining for one another. Ever the dynamic duo and short on cash, they decide to participate in a couples study. Who's the therapist? (Haymitch?) At what point does the therapist assigned to them realize they aren't even together? And does the therapist realize one or both is in love with the other? Big bonus points for a "It's you. It's always been you." moment. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 151: Pandemic!Everlark. It's their first zoom date and stressed out, overworked Katniss FALLS ASLEEP (maybe they were watching a show together?) Peeta stays on the line and draws her. What happens after Katniss wakes up to a sheepish Peeta with a breathtaking portrait of her? [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 152: Enemies to lovers modern au. Katniss emails her group of new hires the training guide to review before they start on Monday. Monday morning just before she's set to meet with the group of trainees Katniss finds an email from new hire Peeta Mellark, attached is the training guide. Completely edited and rewritten. Lots of fuming in their first meeting and total tit for tat hijinks ensue. Torture us with the rivalry please. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 153: Best friends!Everlark who have always been in love with one another. Katniss is in a pretty serious accident, of course Peeta visits her every single day. He notices that every time he enters the room her heart monitor beeps due to elevated heart rate. He notices and finally mentions to a mutual friend (Madge? Finnick?) how it's sweet that she gets excited to see her friends, said friend rolls eyes and is like uh yeah ok "friend". Peeta's all what? Cue suspicion so next time he visits her he takes it a step further and gives little touches (brushes her hair back, strokes her cheek, grazes her arm? LET IT BURN) to see what happens. Sure enough her HR skyrockets. Tell us all the sweet and suspenseful details :))) [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 154: Soulmate au where your soulmates injuries and scars show up on your body tinted in their favorite color. Katniss through the years as she discovers new marks, pondering what it could possibly be, finally figuring out that her soulmate is being hurt way too regularly and in very specific places. Do her parents figure out Peeta is being abused? How do they find and "rescue" him? Or does Peeta live his whole childhood being abused before turning 18? Does he runaway? How do he and Katniss find their way to one another? [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 155: Just a really sweet meet cute of skateboarder!Peeta wiping out the first time he sees Katniss. Bonus points for her being a skater too.[submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 156: Post MJ: Toastbabys perspective from in the womb throughout pregnancy. Bonus points for post birth moments. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 157: Miscommunication. Katniss texts Peeta that she needs some 🥖. Peeta thinks the breadstick is a euphemism of her asking him for sex. How do things play out? [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 158: CF AU: Peeta gets drunk with Haymitch after the quell announcement. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 159: High school au with popular girl, valedictorian, great at sport and then there is Peeta Mellark shy, awkward, sweet but not so good in academics with a huge crush on Katniss. Will she even look at him when she already has tall, dark and handsome Gale by her side? Typical high school drama ensues. [submitted by @everlurked]

Prompt 160: Katniss witnesses a potential crime in progress and gets in contact with law enforcement. Thanks to her tip, a travesty is adverted. But why did the perpetrator seem to recognize Katniss? And when did the baker’s boy become a head FBI agent? [submitted by @kiinghanalister]

Prompt 161: Katniss is texting back and forth with her older boss (who is hott and recently divorced) about a deadline. She's also bra shopping and taking photos to send to Johanna to get her opinion when she accidentally mixes up the recipients. She notices that she just hit send on the photo to Peeta by mistake (her boobs look amazing by the way, bonus points if it's sunset orange) Mortified she texts "shit, wrong person" What happens the next day at the office. Does Peeta think the pics were for a boyfriend? What's he thinking about during the staff meeting? Will Katniss be able to show her face? [submitted by @nightlock-1989]

Prompt 162: Peeta is actually the Mr. Mellark Mrs. Everdeen left behind to marry her true love when they were 18. They parted on good terms but Peeta just had to get out of town never knowing Mr Everdeens first or last name. 22 years later he returns and falls in love with frequent customer Katniss (who is of age) He brings out the playful side in her and she makes him feel young again. Katniss, who doesn't have a great relationship with her mother, doesn't tell her about the older man she's dating. While running errands, Mrs. Everdeen bumps into Katniss and Peeta, who happen to be engaged in a playful game of grab ass. Shock sets in for everyone. Does Mrs. Everdeen think Katniss is Peetas midlife crisis? Does Katniss' young age begin to nag Peeta? Huge bonus if Katniss freaks out because she realizes Peeta has fucked both her and her mom. [submitted by @nightlock-1989]

Prompt 163: Golden Age of Hollywood AU: Songbird Katniss finds herself signing a contract with The Capitol Productions, a major force in the studio system, after a casting agent hears her singing at a nightclub. Her first project is a musical with a handsome Capitol film star, Peeta Mellark. But while they agree to an engagement as fodder for film promotion, the fine print on their contract never covered the relationship becoming real... [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 164: Peeta is a handsome prince, fleeing his evil stepmother, who has stolen his rightful crown. Katniss is a skilled tracker, taking bounties to send the money back to her struggling family. Will the well-respected hunter make good on the bounty, or will her heart have a different plan? [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 165: Peeta gets with another girl after the war, while him and katniss are trying to be friends, thinking katniss doesn’t want him, but instead it only makes her insanely jealous. When she falls ill does Peeta come to her rescue or does he keep his distance to please his new gf [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 166: Peeta moves into a new town. It’s a small town but so lively but things starts getting weird when he starts encountering dead animals on his back porch. Looks like someone found their mate and is trying to empress him. #werewolfKatniss [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 167: He knows where she is at all times. What’s she’s doing and who’s she’s with. But lately she’s been hanging out with that guy for his liking and he needs to teach her and show her that she belongs to him and no one else. Her whole mind, body, and soul. !DarkPeeta #psychological #thriller #angst #mightnothaveanicehappyending [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 168: One thing that sets this community apart from the others is that is a matriarchy. But a lot of surrounding communities want to get in. When it is Katniss’s coming of age ceremony, the prophet tells her that she has the opportunity to choose a first husband from the neighboring community. Katniss was set on Gale but he became the third husband of (whoever you choose). Will she stick to her community’s men or branch out and get new blood? #olderpeeta [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 169: A Capitolite veiwer perspective on the 74th games, maybe running right up to the first day of the Quell. Do they notice Katniss or Peeta at first, or is it one of the other tributes they like. How do the Starcrossed lovers creep up on them. Maybe reactions to Rues death, or the victory tour ( if you want to go that far) [submitted by @darkhorse-javert]

Prompt 170: Superhero/Catburglar AU: The jewel-thief Mockingjay has evaded The Capitol's superhero, Captain Strong, for long enough, and the Merchants of the city have started putting pressure on the hero to bring the thief in for justice. The only problem? The Captain is the alter-ego of teenager Peeta Mellark, and his elusive nemesis is his high school crush, Katniss Everdeen. [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 171: IndianaJones!Katniss and JiltedLover!Peeta [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 172: Secret Agent Everlark. Peeta and Katniss are undercover partners on a case in Istanbul (or what have you). They take names and kick ass. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 173: Peeta's POV in THG when he wakes up in the cave after Katniss injects him with the medicine to cure his blood poisoning, finding her in a very scary pool of blood. His perspective until she finally wakes. Canon compliant please. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 174: Victory tour AU/deleted scene, Peeta and Katniss walk along a beach in District 4, in a brief moment where they are alone, and Katniss tells Peeta why her favourite colour is green, and anything else you think would fit nicely into that conversation. Basically just Katniss opening up a little more. Either Peeta or Katniss POV. [submitted by @emilia206]

Prompt 175: Katniss hits the force field in CF instead - Peeta’s reaction [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 176: Peeta absentmindedly calls Katniss “love”. She doesn’t mind. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 177: Canon compliant Peeta's POV in MJ when the bombs go off in front of the president's mansion. [submitted by @lovely-tothe-bone]

Prompt 178: A story based on THIS tweet. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 179: Prompt based on the korean drama “Lovestruck in the City”. Peeta as Jaewon and Katniss as Eunho and the rest is up to you [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 180: Capitol didn’t know hijacking but they left Peeta broken. He was sexually assaulted many times by Capitol buyers, both men and women. Will he be able to recover? How does it affect Katniss and Peeta's dynamic. Also Finnick plays a very important role in Peeta's recovery. [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 181: After her parents death (possibly small pox?), Katniss goes to live with her mothers family. They accept beautiful blonde Prim instantly, but Katniss looks far too much like her Native American father. They sell her as a slave at auction to the Mellark Plantation. Even though she always works to the point of collapse, she is treated terribly by Peeta’s brutal mother. Does he help her keep in contact with Prim? or take care of her when the slave masters beat her? Does Mrs. Mellark sell her again? [submitted by @hope4hea]

Prompt 182: Canon Divergence Katniss gets caught hunting and whipped [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 183: Katniss is really pregnant in CF and forced by Snow to get an abortion [submitted by anonymous]

Prompt 184: Horror-love story. Locals tell legend of “La Dame Mellark” who practiced Dark Arts, caused her family’s ruin, and haunts decrepit, facetiously-named “Mellark Mansion.” What if ghostly figure sometimes spotted in window and unexplained occurrences not her ghost but actually Peeta who survived fireball explosion with physical and emotional scars? Years later, Katniss new in town, either seeks shelter there, maybe looking for her sister’s missing cat? Is Katniss trapped or injured or on the run? Does her singing soothe Peeta when he slips from shy to explosive personality? Does he free her? Do locals storm property looking for her? Is Katniss the delusional crazy dangerous one who repels the attacking horde with explosion, then is soothed by gentle Peeta who promises to care for her because turns out Prim died long ago and Katniss never faced truth? HEA for them, maybe not for townsfolk. [submitted by @567inpanem]

[trevor-wilson-covington]

What could have been...

//Saw that the site I use to make mood boards has a CD Cover option and thought it would be fun to do Sunset Curve’s Demo and Unreleased Songs (+Home Is Where My Horse Is) as they would look as singles!!! I may make CD Covers for the other 13 songs in the show...if people end up really liking these ones and if inspiration strikes!

**Gave an idea of what I think the other 7 songs would be about/why they were written (said what we know Unsaid Emily, Now or Never, and Home Is Where My Horse Is are about already of course too)!!

1. Unsaid Emily: Is of course about Luke’s rough relationship with his mom, which was never resolved before his death. It touches on how he knew he should have turned around and come back home but his pride stopped him. All the conversations he had created in his head about what they would say to each other when he finally saw her again stayed that way, thoughts in his head. Wondering if he had been able to say the right things to his mom or made up with her before dying, would time not have erased the memory of him?  

2. Get Lost: I believe it is about the feeling of restlessness and wanting to just take off on an adventure somewhere new or unique. Similar to how Luke finds sleeves (zleeves) restricting, this song is about how life can feel suffocating sometimes and all you want to do is grab a bag of essentials and walk in the mist/ride off into the night to a freer life. 

3. Long Weekend: Is about the band’s friendship/brotherhood/sense of found family and how over many weekends they find themselves going through a lot of struggles and heartache together. These are the weekends that feel the longest because there is so much the four boys help each other through and many times they find they don’t want the weekend to end so they can spend more non-band time together to just be four stupid teen boys navigating all the twists and turns of life. 

4. Crooked Teeth: My thoughts are that it could have been written when he had braces/a retainer in the 90s & was self-conscious of it, so it was written to cheer Reggie up about his braces/retainer & pretty much say "hey, Reggie...people's smiles vary & they're all unique & beautiful"...instead of mocking him, like the show seems to tell us it was written to do.

5. My Name Is Luke: Is a darker, more introspective song about Luke’s struggle with an identity crisis where he feels he’s being pulled in different directions. One side is the Luke who loves his parents and wants to make them happy and have them be proud of him. The other side is the Luke. who is passionate about writing and playing music, who thrives off the feelings and energies of the crowd as they connect with him and his lyrics. Luke finds he can’t be one version of Luke without ultimately giving up the other and trying to do both is exhausting and soul crushing at times. The title is his way of saying ‘Hey, this is my name, it’s who I am, and I can be a loving son my parents can be proud of while also doing what I love and making a difference in the lives of people who listen to my music’. He just wishes his parents could come to understand that he loves music and he’s really good at it, so why can’t he continue doing it and make them proud at the same time.  

6. Now or Never: Is, as we know, about Sunset Curve’s rise to fame and how they can dream as though they’ll never die but they’re going to live their life as though today could be their last day alive. They aren’t looking to the future, because all they need are each other and the energy that is coursing through their bodies in the present. They hear a voice in their heads saying you only have this one life, so make the most of it so when you die you’ll have had no regrets about the things you did or didn’t do. This is their time to shine and even when their lives were bleak or lacking, their days were still the best of their lives because they were making music and gradually making a name for themselves doing so. 

Weaved in are of course lyrics that seem to foreshadow their 3 deaths with the mention of shock to their hearts (the defibrillators used to try to keep them alive in the alley or ambulance), clocks moving forward but they don’t get older (how for 25 yrs they were in limbo and didn’t age and are now 17-year-old ghosts in 2020), how they kept on climbing 'til their stars collided (floated up out of the ambulance to the dark place until crashing into Julie’s life (she’s a star as Luke says)), and how all that they left in the past was just the just the key to paradise (all the things they left behind once they died were just ‘stepping stones’ to the ‘paradise’ of heaven for most people or in the boy’s case the path to Julie and playing music again).

7. Late Last Night: Is about the late nights the four boys spent out at clubs/venues leading up to the Orpheum, gigs that helped them gain a decent following, and all the crazy things they saw and did. 17-year-olds out late partying, possibly drinking, on school nights. A higher energy song, similar to Now or Never to match the antics of a bunch of teens practically let loose on the music/club scene during the band’s rise in the Hollywood/LA music scene in ‘93/’94/’95. It evokes the feelings of being wild and reckless as a teen, while also somehow capturing the energy of the nighttime as you move from the crowded main strip into residential areas and how quick and jarring the change can be.     

8. Lakeside Reflection: This is a tough one, but I think it would be about the individual experiences most or all of the boys have from going to lakes during summer with their families. There’s of course all the fun time spent with family, but in the reflection on the lake of those moments the boys only see the truth of their family dynamics, what was hidden behind a pleasant façade. 

For Luke, it was the strained relationship and fights with his mom over the band and his dreams. 

For Alex, it was the looks and offhanded comments made by his parents and the looks of sympathy from his sister, ever since he told them he was gay. 

For Reggie, it was the nights spent keeping his brother and sister distracted as the walls practically shook from the volume and intensity of his parents’ almost daily fights. 

And for Bobby, it was the truth that he kept up a façade even with the boys so they wouldn’t know that his family, that the others always believed to be perfect, wasn’t perfect at all. When rarely he saw his parents and they weren’t off on business trips or working late into the night, Bobby found them to be disinterested in his life and any affection or love was relegated to a pat on the back or a quick hand held before they rushed out the door once more. 

The happy summer vibes at the lake could never truly make any of the boys forget their truths, but at least they could let loose for the extent of their trips and finally feel like a carefree teen again.               

9. In Your Starlight: This would seem to be a certain kind of love song at first glance and for some people that’s what it may be, but to me it is a very specific kind of love song. This love song is about relationships each of the boys had, the very few of them, that didn’t turn out well for some reason or another. A passion for music overshadowing the passion to keep a relationship going. The fear of long-term commitment and a short-lived bliss, before the fighting starts, ending the relationship before it ever grew deeper. The smothering of a fire in the soul so outsiders can’t see one trace of its flicker, hidden behind a lie, in case they find out the truth and react with disgust or hatred. Or the overly flirtatious and, at times, clingy antics used to get a person interested in starting a relationship. To keep them invested in the relationship, in an effort to make sure they won’t leave out of boredom or for someone better. This song is from the perspective of those other people, how they saw the relationship, no matter the length, and what they see as the thing that ended it or kept it from growing stronger. How they all in some way felt like they were pulled in by light of each of the boys (the stars) and things were good at first, before the cracks started to appear and reality truly set in.    

10. Home Is Where My Horse Is: It’s an expression of where and whom Reggie calls home. The horse had never really stood for an actual horse, but rather it represented Luke, Alex, and Bobby. The people Reggie considered his family, his home, more than he ever would the house he had grown up in. Horses symbolize freedom without restraint, because riding a horse makes people feel they can free themselves from their own bindings. There is no constraining a horse when it runs with the wind, but they also enjoy the company of family and friends. Reggie wants freedom from the stuff with his parents and his own personal demons that keep him held back. He finds with the band, his real family, he can run free and be himself...enjoying being around the boys and not having to worry about fighting and drama. His home is where he (the horse) is... able to be its true self and go where the wind takes it.     

[wistfulrat]

hell ya it’s that time of the week. we got 8th year fics, animagus fics, draco harnessing the magic of shooting stars, shepherd harry being unbearably tender and hot, flirtatious holiday office parties, the drarry multi-verse told in wistful dreams! eat up, fellow yearners.

Bitter Transmutation : Cruel Transformation by @dorthyanndrarry​ - 103k, M The terms of Draco’s probation require him to finish his final year of schooling, he just wants to survive with what little dignity he has left, in face of students that hate him, falling behind on his school work, and all the strange fevers and weakness and changes… that only seem to be getting worse.

draco wants to be good. harry wants to be needed. it’s an 8th year veela fic but rly it’s draco learning to humanize others and himself via shitty creature-puberty and harry trying not to run away from his feelings. all the non-sexual intimacy and general tenderness in this fic is comforting as hell.

Owl Was Well by @fencer-x (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 66k, T Draco Malfoy is not an owl, really he isn’t. He simply assumes the shape of one on occasion when he wants to find a bit of privacy—a goal entirely thwarted because Harry Potter doesn’t understand you can’t just grab any old bird from the Owlery and force it to send your missives and deliver your packages.

god i love a truly prickly draco and a disgustingly earnest harry bc the combination breeds emotional chaos. 8th yr animagus draco going out of his way to fuck with harry only to Catch Feelings — a trope i live and die for. they’re both very scrappy in this. lots of dancing around their big mutual gay crush as they grow to begrudgingly respect each other. i personally would love the opportunity to tell off the object of my affection right before kissing them furiously.

Wish Upon a Star (As Dreamers Do) by @icmezzo - 27k, M There’s plant magic and celestial magic and dark magic and the normal magic that allows Harry to use a spell to clean his socks when Myrtle’s taken up in his laundry room again. Then there are wishes, and dreams, and love, and those are even more magical still.

harry helps out at hogwarts but mcgonagall’s asked him for help with a spell that has him fully stumped and of course he’s too proud to ask literal-wishmaker draco for help but he’s desperate and curious! there’s this breathtaking scene in a field where draco collects meteor dust beneath an endless night sky. we all lose our shit. harrys flustered bc it’s very magical and very hot of draco. feat. neville’s greenhouse, the rambunctious ghosts of grimmauld place including moody & cedric, stargazing with ur crush. literally what’s not to love.

Through the May Air, Over the Ocean by @tsauergrass​ - 44k, T Draco Malfoy never expected to find himself in Scotland or being stuck in a cottage with Potter—but wonders never cease. A story about warmth, a story about falling back in love. A story about a flock of sheep in the distant fells of Scotland.

two lonely men in the middle of idyllic shepherd pastures learning how to navigate their grief and longing for companionship. an elegiac masterpiece of a fic. there are moments so quiet and tender it aches. you want their growing love to be easy but it’s rife with mourning and fear. it makes the ending that much sweeter and earned. (also yes this was a re-read but it’s december and i live in the pacific, world of perpetual summer and humidity, so mentally i needed to be in the vastness of wintry scotland. hell ya atmospheric fics!!)

To Tame A Kitten (is to love) by @tsauergrass​ - 13k, G After the war, Harry finds solace in fostering orphaned kittens. One day, a kitten appears on his door step without explanation—and attacks him! Taking it in, he quickly finds that this kitten is nothing ordinary.

another tsauergrass rec bc im a hoe for poetic melancholy and tentative intimacy. the premise of this fic screams fluff but then you’re unexpectedly hit with harry’s longing for affection as he tries to find places to pour all that guileless love spilling out of him. the image of him smiling sadly makes me emo as hell. but rly his and draco’s loneliness are concentric circles so this is all eventually solved with hella cuddling. “I know. . .It’s tiring. But there are a lot of beautiful things, too” — destroyed me.

Sweet Indulgence by @the-sinking-ship​ - 10k, E It doesn't matter that Marcy from Accounting is dancing on the tables, Shacklebolt is wearing antlers, and Elliot from Transportation is on his third round of Mariah Carey on karaoke because all the free champagne in the world won't salvage the Ministry Christmas party for Draco if Potter doesn't show up soon.

lecherous unhinged draco is sometimes the only characterization i care about skkdkd. most dramatic bitch alive whom i personally would die for. you must simply respect the flirtatious hustle. the promiscuous licking of a gingerbread man in the shape of ur crush, pouring champagne down their shirt, doing whatever it takes to make them laugh. it’s galaxy-brain courting bc harry is Charmed. we love our fics sexy and hysterical tbh.

Our Little Life by @tackytigerfic​ - 7k, M Sometimes Harry dreams. Only they're not really dreams at all, and Malfoy is always in them. It's time travel, but not as we know it, and Harry just needs a good night's sleep.

when i say star-crossed lovers i mean this fic in its entirety i mean harry saying “I see how things could be for us, I see it all the time” i mean that part in gaudy night when lord peter tells harriet “Give me your hand, and we’ll fight on until we drop.” a thousand iterations of drarry coming together (which, extremely meta) and all that world-building in under 10k words? the skill.

[peachbearies]

omg ion know if ur taking. Requests rn but I was wondering just a cute lil imagine bout zion in which the reader and him are dating and it's they're one yr aniversary or sum idk lol but just zion being a cutie and telling how much he loves her and shiii (because we all know that his ass acts all big and bad but he is a 6'4 teddy bear irl) yaa ik that was supper cringey but shehej yee okay byee (ur an amazing writer btw I've read all ur work and may I saY I stan 💖)

Promise: Z.kuwonu

Requested

›› Synopsis: it’s your first anniversary with Zion, around this trademark period it makes you apprehensive but Zion reminds you how much

›› Genre: Fluff

›› Paring: Female Reader x Zion Kuwonu

›› Warnings: Slightly hinted nsfw, lots of cursing (I mean it Zion so…), a little glimpse of toxic behavior.

›› A/N: what?! This is not cringe at all baby! I admire cheesy romantic headcanons/ imagines like this. My likes and drafts are filled with fluffs or angst to fluff🤧. I’m sorry this is a tad bit delinquent And thank you for reading my work that means a lot I’ve been exploring a lot of vocabulary words to scrutinize my writing, this may be a long one I apologize I got too into it.

The marvels of what a year could do. From going through a hurricane of songster roaring at each other, the strikes of austere comments leading up to the thunderstorm of a anguish. Your ex-fiancé cheated on, with considerable women before you found out. The ring on your finger was nothing but a reflector and leverage for him, he wanted to appear a saint to the kingdom, but a devil in the moonlight. Apologizing and buttering you up like a slice of bread, didn’t make you dawdle.

Your lucidity and rectitude were more caliber than staying, so you moved out of your shared apartment a week later, during the rotation of moving haphazardly you’ve incoherent yourself from the boys' realm, nor have your inner circle heard of you. You dissipated from the earth. And if you had to be adequate, you relished it that way, what was anyone overlooking anyways? but you were silently asking for space, you would give your leg for it.

Zion stirring in disgruntle, pushing profanities in between his gritted teeth. Don’t get mistaken he wasn’t mad you were ignoring him, just by the way your handling things on your own, he knew it had to be really fucked up if you couldn’t come to him. The veins crawling up his proffered hands outstretched for the keys. The boys jumping up in fear he may do something reckless, Brandon putting his hand in front of the boys to halt them. “Listen—even if we stop him, say anything to him or follow him, he will remotely do exactly what you think he’s going to do, you know how much he cares about (y/n), all we can do is have faith in him” Brandon confirms, but deep inside that rickety heart of his fear was kicking his ass too. They all discern Zion, once the peak of anger overflows his eyes only opines vermilion.

Zion parked in the lot, not noticing your car ghosting its rightful place. His mind was set on figuring what was wrong with you. Climbing the flight of stairs, he knocks on your door, his foot tapping the pallid base. When the door swung open it was ex-fiance, their eyes met in pique just burning to throw punches and a few sparks of curse words. “What do you want?” Your ex tempts him.

For your sake, Zion never snapped in front of him the way he should’ve. “Not you that’s for sure” commenting on his current attire, which was shirtless and some sweatpants. “Where’s (y/n)?” He queries, a scruffy ‘tsk’ pass through his lips. “Not here, that bitch moved out after she broke up with me”

Zion looked at his watch the time read 9:35 pm. “Cool, all I need is nine minutes of your time” Zion tranquility explains to him. Swinging and docking him in the throat; the girl that was staying with him bolting into the living room finding the source of the thump. She screams for Zion to get off him, after give or take six punches, Zion walks away not giving him or her the slightest sight. “If I catch you or her around y/n, better make sure you have good health care insurance and dental”

The next day he waited outside your classroom leaning his foot up against the wall; few girls noticed him but that wasn’t on his mind. When your silhouette appeared, he excused himself in a rush to catch you. “Pretty rich seeing a smile from a ghost” your heart dropped; the voice you were scared to dump your problems on.

What lie could you conjure? “Hey Zion” you breathe, turning in his direction. “That’s my fault I’m sorry, dealing with classes and moving I lost track of time” which was half correct, but it wasn’t the biggest factor. Zion tilted his head, signature hand in hoodie pocket. Closing your eyes with a heavy sigh, you knew he didn’t believe you nor did he want to push you. “Zion—“ he groped your wrist pulling you to the parking lot, he leaned on his car's hood without saying a drop of words, he wants for you to stream all your worries.

“Well, that’s half the reason. Okay, I didn't mean to go completely ghost, life just wasn't easy for me lately, I didn't want to add more dead weight to your shoulder. Sorry” zion scoffs pushing himself away from the car with no hands. But they followed the path to your jawline. ”burden on my shoulder or not, they're made for you to cry on. Stop going through things on your own alright?, as long as I'm here you don't have to sink”

Ever since you and zion grew close, a year later and he still gazes at you like a diamond. Even after a year, the astonishment gets the better of you. The insecurities start raging in, fighting in a war of love and hate. Your phone was laid upon the cherry wooden table, the vibrations frightening you, the goosebumps crawling up your arms. The name it read was “Love🤍”

“Hello?” You answer still shaken up; Zion lets out a soft scoff that vibrates through your body “you’re still in bed mamas? you should be awake beautiful” rubbing your eyes slightly, the clock flashed the numbers ‘ 2:30 pm’ your groan only makes him smile bigger.

“Goddamn I love you, look how ravishing you are in the morning” Zion's eyes shimmering in adoration. Those eyes always reflected his emotions, deep down you knew Zion loved you wholeheartedly, but the fear of having something good taken from you. That is what kept you hesitant. “No, I don’t stop lying” you stroke his ego.

“Me? Lie? Babygirl, I can’t and won’t lie to you stop playing” Zion said in a low octave, your stomach stirred in feelings “do me a favor baby” “Which is?” You reply, Zion looks over on his nightstand smiling. “Why are you smiling? Are you being mischievous again?”

“Who me? Nah” Zion shrugs off. The ringing of the doorbell distracted you from his spreading grin “answer that” sighing you walk towards the door, propping your phone on the counter, Zion moans out loud. “Maybe I should’ve slept over last night! Who told you to look that good mamas?” Ignoring his flirty antics you open the door, glimpsing at fresh bouquets of your favorite flower and a self-care basket. “Baby!!!” You screech, Zion simpers at the brightest smile on your face. The sun doesn’t shine as bright as you did at the moment.

“Why?, why are you so loving to me” you start to happy cry “Nah baby none of that, I love you too damn much for you to self-deprecate” Zion shuts your negativity down. Flipping the card over you read the message. ‘You thought I’d forget the day you changed my life? I’ve always loved you and I’ll continue to love you, but it’s not your love that I adore the most, it’s those gorgeous eyes that look back at me. Like I’m some type of angel when we all know that’s you, it’s the way you’re compassionate about others, I love your free spirit baby you’re a dove to me, even though I get under your nerves, I wouldn’t want anyone else to deal with me or my problems happy one year’

You look up at Zion, his eyes were already glossing by admiring your figure. Oh, how you wish jumping through a screen wasn’t just a cartoon thing. “Fuck” you whisper covering your face “angel, you are beautiful” Zion reminds you “stop!!! I’m in my feelings!!” You Jokingly spat at him. “What you wanna do for our anniversary it’s up to you” Zion smiles.

“Can we go to a petting zoo then get tacos?” Your eyes sparkling as your lips turn into a pout, Zion looking up towards the ceiling as his Adam’s apple points at the camera. “Yes, how could I say no” twenty minutes later Zion was at your house, complimenting you the whole car ride. Protectively and passionately rubbing circles on your knees being careful not to raise his hand any further.

“Look! Rabbits” Zion follows your finger pulling you in that direction, you sit on the bench holding the rabbit in your lap feeding it the food. Zion takes pictures of you getting the best angles, falling in love with your beauty, even more, the way the golden light bounced off your skin. It made him think twice if you were real or just a lucid dream. Feeding the monkeys were the best part, they hugged you and Zion; even gave you two kisses. The giraffes were the most exciting to you, joking to your boyfriend “wow look something taller than you”. Walking into a blue-lit aquarium a class of fish surrounded the both of you. Your finger softly touching the fish that was pressed against the glass, it followed your every move. Never realizing Zion detached his hand from yours, it hasn’t hit you until a ring was slid on your finger.

“Not an engagement ring, but soon don’t worry this is a promise ring, and I promise that you’ll feel nothing but comfort and love with me” his fingers gripped into your waist “with a side of pleasure too” you smack his shoulder while smiling ear for ear. “You promise?” “Of course I do, I wholeheartedly promise, I will never hurt or disrespect you baby, you mean too much to me”

Once you were back to the apartment your body couldn’t even make it to the bed, but Zion helped you to the bathroom. To wash off the dirt and sweat, even helped you with your skin routine. His fingers padding over every inch of your back, your soft snores in the crook of his neck. “I’m so glad to be the girlfriend of your dreams” you whisper “oh lord she’s finally figured it out!!” Zion pushes your buttons “should I send you back home?” You test him, “you wouldn’t dare, you need me tonight” Zion teases his swollen lips attacking your neck upwards your jawline, a low gruffly growl trickles down your spine.

“So is this the side of pleasure?” You press your teeth into your lower lip “if that’s what you want”

“Well, you did make a promise” wasting no time Zion straddles you, your legs wrapped around his waist, giggling at how he fumbled to remove his shirt.

“You damn right I made a promise, and I’ll show you how serious this promise is” Zion kisses up your stomach “I love you”

Your hands cupping his jaw the breathing becoming erratic “I love you too”

[pocmuzings]

im gnna turn 24 yrs old in a few hours and i was gnna make a ‘woe is me’ post , but u know what ? i did a lot of kickass things as a 23 - yr - old . it wasn’t a whole waste of one year of my life. and whos gonna hype me up except ME ?

i got paid published for the first time this year ! PAID! FOR MY WRITING! then i got paid published 3 more times . i literally . . can’t believe . i still wanna cry abt it . 

i got recognised at the pharmacy for my writing ! the pharmacist picked up my script, did a double take at my name and just said ‘ hey i read ur stuff recently online . ur a really good writer‘ . I SCREAM !?!?!

i had consensual sex for the first time this yr ( controversial , but true ) . i owned my sexuality . i owned my past and my trauma .  i did things on my own terms in my own time with who i wanted

my mental health overall is looking BETTER

i got a new job ! and it pays better and has better hours and flexibility and ppl CARE about me !!!! i finally got out of the worst job i’ve ever been in , that i was stuck in for 3 years !

i look hot ! i love my body for once in my life ! ( i wish i had more ass but o well ) , but i look GREAT ! my skin is good , for the most part . my curls are coming back . i’m beautiful and i can SAY IT !

i got rid of a lot of toxic friends and ppl who didnt care abt me . i became more independent . i started saying no . i started speaking more honestly and upfront . i cared for others , but also cared for myself 

i love where im at in my life . is it perfect ? is it the dream or end goal ? no . but i got here . i did this myself . all by myself . i made my own happiness when i thought i never could . 14 yr old g would be so amazed and happy by what i have done , and i want to cry for that little girl who saw no hope . bc bitch . . we did it !! here we r ! 10 years later ! alive ! healthy ! happy ! i love u . i love us 

[housewarningparty]

21. A song that needs to play loud?

culture abuse - dream on (preferrably in a car with the windows down on a blazing hot summer day)

music asks

[woodelf68]

Mornings

A loosely connected series of scenes throughout Loki’s life, from infancy through a future diverging from The Dark World.  9118 words. 

(Note: Loki’s age in each scene is as follows, with the years being the Midgardian equivalents -- scene 1, less than a year old. Scene 2, 5 yrs. old. Scene 3, 10 -- picture kid Loki from the movie flashback. Scene 4, about 15. Scene 5, close to 20, canon Loki as seen in his cell in The Dark World. Scene 6, between 25 and 30, it’s reader’s choice as to how much time they wish to have passed between the last two scenes.) 

                                             ---------------

The querulous cry of a newly awakened baby rang out in the quiet of the room. From her position with her head comfortably pillowed on her husband’s chest, Frigga held her breath, hoping. Perhaps he -- The cry came again, more demanding. She huffed a resigned laugh and started to push herself up. “At least he waited until we were done.” Odin slid out from under her. “Stay; I’ll fetch him.” Pulling on the robe draped over the end of the bed, he padded across to the cradle on the opposite side of the room and smiled down at his seven month old son, who immediately reached for him. “Hello there,” said Odin, ridiculously pleased, as always, when Loki quieted as soon as Odin picked him up, laying his head against Odin’s shoulder and putting his fingers into his mouth to suck on them. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” He pressed a fond kiss to Loki’s silky black curls, cradling the boy against his chest as he automatically checked his diaper. “Yes, you are. You don’t keep fussing once you’ve got someone’s attention. Now Thor -- well, let’s just say that your brother was always a bit more fond of the sound of his own voice.” While he was more than happy to leave this particular task to Frigga or the servants during the day, Odin was not so incompetent that he could not make quick work of changing Loki into a dry diaper, as he did so now. That taken care of, he picked Loki back up and returned to the bed. “What do you say? Are you hungry? Do you want your amma?” He sat down on the side of the bed and passed Loki into Frigga’s waiting arms. “Hello, my sweet son,” Frigga cooed, bringing Loki under the fur with her and guiding him to her breast. That first day, when a hungry baby had been placed in her arms, there’d been no time to look for a wet nurse, and when Loki had taken the goat’s milk she’d sent for without any problems, she had been reluctant to seek out one, selfishly not wanting to hand him over to another woman every couple of hours. If he was to be her son, she wanted him to look to her for his needs, for comfort and nourishment both, and she knew well enough that there were herbs to bring in a woman’s milk, and had soon found a spell to hasten their effects. They had told the court that she had hidden her pregnancy with magic, lest word of her vulnerable state reach Laufey’s ears and make her more of a target for foul play with Odin and most of Asgard’s warriors away fighting in the war. It had been easy enough to add, to those in her retinue close enough to express concern, that the magic had delayed her milk coming in. She could still remember the fierce rush of satisfaction a few weeks later when she had been able to nurse Loki herself for the first time, her heart whispering “mine ”, that feeling of him becoming really and truly hers. Not born of her body, but nourished by it, and he had thrived and grown apace ever since. If there had been the inevitable whispers that Odin had brought home a war bastard, most died away quickly enough as all saw how she doted on Loki, and Odin had, fortunately, come home for a brief visit around the time that Loki would have been conceived. Loki turned into her now and she felt her milk let down as he began suckling hungrily, his eyes fixed steadily on hers. She relaxed into the comfort of the pillows and furs, running a gentle finger down his snub nose and smiling as his eyes crossed as he tried to focus on it. Odin lay back down beside her and gently took hold of one of Loki’s feet, smiling as the tiny toes curled in response to his stroking thumb and Loki’s eyes cut briefly to him before refocusing on her. “Who’s that?” she asked softly. “Is that your pabbi?” She glanced at Odin and Loki followed her gaze, his small hand starfishing against her. “Yes, it is! And do you know how you can tell, hm? Because you called and he came. There are not many who can command the king of Asgard like that, you know.” Odin chuckled and slid back under the fur, coaxing Frigga’s head onto his shoulder so he could wrap one arm around wife and son both and use the other to run his hand through the long, heavy waves of her hair, shining golden in the gentle early morning light that illuminated the room. “Very true. And two of the three people who can are in this room.” 

Frigga made a contented noise and relaxed even further, letting her eyes drift half shut in pleasure. The duties of the day would claim the king soon enough, but in that moment, he was simply her husband, and a father, and she cherished every second of such times. 

                                                 --------------- “We’re about to be invaded,” Odin murmured, hearing the patter of four small feet and the whisper of hushed voices outside their door. It was his favourite time of the day, that early morning hour when he lay relaxed and comfortable with Frigga and they talked about their plans for the upcoming day. 

“One of the perils of having children.” she said, smiling. 

“But perhaps also one of the pleasures?” he suggested, smiling back. “Admit it, you will be sad when they have grown too much to come tumbling in like overexcited puppies at the break of day on occasion.”

Frigga laughed. “You are quite right. I shall no doubt be proud of the fine young men they grow into, but I shall miss my little boys.” 

"Should I knock? Maybe they’re still sleeping.”

"Knock softly!”

A subdued knock sounded on their door, and Frigga called “Come in!”

Thor and Loki burst into the room, still in their sleep clothes. “Happy Name Day!” they chorused. Thor held up the jar he was carrying. “We got you some flowers.” 

“And we drew you some pictures,” Loki added, coming over to the bed with some papers clutched in his hand. 

“Oh, thank you, the flowers are lovely! Place them right there on that table, Thor, and come show me your drawings.” She took the papers from Loki and patted the mattress beside her.  Promptly Loki climbed onto the bed to snuggle into her side, a small, soft warm presence, while Thor scrambled up next to him and crawled over her body to plop himself down on her other side. Odin sat up and leaned over Thor to see the drawings as well. The top one was done in coloured chalk, perfect for capturing the texture of fur, and Frigga smiled as she recognised the black and orange patches on the rounded white shapes in the center, one large and three small. 

“It’s Runa and her kittens!” She’d taken both boys to visit the barn cat and her litter a few days ago, instructing them to sit still and quietly and let the kittens approach them if they wanted to. Thor, ever boisterous, had kept fidgeting and whispering, but Loki had sat perfectly still, enraptured by the three small shapes, and had been rewarded when one of the exploring kittens had wobbled over on unsteady legs and had determinedly pulled itself up onto Loki’s lap, where he’d gently stroked it until it had started purring remarkably loudly for a creature of its size.

“Yes!” He beamed proudly. “Do you like it?’“I do indeed, and I love the flowers you drew around the border; they’re very bright and cheerful.” She moved his picture underneath the other one and saw what Thor had drawn. “Oh, Thor, this is really very good.” She admired the dragon rendered in Thor’s careful pencil work. “I should have you design a tapestry for me.”

“Really?” Thor sounded delighted by the idea. 

“Why not? Where is this dragon flying to, for instance?”

“His cave, in a mountain,” said Thor. “And it’s filled with his treasure horde.”

“I hope he’s a peaceful dragon,” said Frigga. “I’d hate for anyone to want to hurt him.” 

Thor’s face fell at that, as if he’d already been dreaming about slaying the dragon and winning some glory for himself. “I suppose he could be, if you wanted.”

“I do,” said Frigga firmly. “And perhaps he could have a younger dragon brother to fly by his side?”

“Me and Loki!” Thor enthused. “We could be the dragons! And we live in the cave together and go out and have adventures.”

“That would make a very nice tapestry,” agreed Frigga. “You boys could have it for your room.”

“I’ll start sketching it later today,” Thor promised. 

“What about us?” Odin asked. “Can your mother and I live in your cave while you boys go out flying around on adventures?”

“Yes! I’ll draw you two lying at the entrance with just your snouts sticking out. You can be a gold dragon, Father, and you a blue one, Mother. What about you, Loki?”

“Green,” said Loki promptly. 

“Well, I shall look forward to this epic picture,” said Odin, ruffling Thor’s hair. “It’s a very good likeness of a dragon, Thor. And I like yours as well, Loki.” 

“How big should I make the drawing, Mother?”

“We’ll figure that out after breakfast. Speaking of which, why don’t you two go get dressed and ready for the day and we’ll do the same, and we’ll come collect you for breakfast when we’re ready.” She leaned first to the left and then the right, kissing the tops of her sons’ heads.  “Thank you for the presents; they’re beautiful.” 

“You’re welcome.” Loki knelt up on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing tightly. “Happy name day, Amma.” 

Frigga hugged him back, smoothing a hand over his tousled curls. “Thank you, my darling.” She released him and he slid off the bed, giving Thor room to climb over her and follow suit. He leaned over to give her his own hug once he was on his feet.

“Happy name day,” he echoed. “I’ll help Loki get ready.” 

“Thank you, my sweet.” She gave him a squeeze and let him go, watching as he took Loki by the hand and led his little brother from the room. She turned to Odin, beaming. “I think we have the best boys in the entire Nine Realms.”

The skin around Odin’s eye crinkled up. “I’ll remind you of that the next time Thor lets his temper get the better of him or Loki’s curiosity leads him into trouble.”

“I didn’t say they were perfect ,” Frigga said. “Perfect would be boring. And we both know who Thor got his temper from.” She looked at him pointedly. 

“I feel like I should be offended but I know you’re right,” Odin admitted. “But if he can learn to channel it, it’ll prove a great asset in battle one day. And at least he got your sweetness of heart to counter it.” Odin leaned over and kissed her.

“Flatterer,” she said fondly. “And what of Loki? What does he have of us?”

“He has your sweetness as well, and your cleverness, and your sensitivity to magic.” Odin looked thoughtful. “I’m not sure what he has of me. My eyes, perhaps,” he joked. “Or my eye; he only ever saw the one.”

“He has your watchfulness,” said Frigga, after a moment of thinking. “He knows how to sit and listen quietly, and remember what he hears. And how to choose his words with care.”

“If he picked that up from me, then I am well pleased,” approved Odin. “Let us hope that he grows up with a taste for politics; those traits will serve him well.” He rolled out of bed. “Come, we had best bestir ourselves before our hungry young dragonlings decide to go foraging for themselves and leave nothing but crumbs and wreckage in their wake.” 

Frigga laughed -- but she could picture the scenario all too well. She bestirred herself.                                                   ---------------

Loki woke with his heart pounding. Just a nightmare, he told himself, but telling himself that and truly believing it were two different things entirely. It would have been easier if he had been able to simply look to his side and see Thor asleep in his bed, but they had recently been given separate rooms, and he wasn’t sure, at the moment, that he liked it. He sat up, throwing back the covers and swinging his feet down onto the floor. He slipped from his bedroom and made his way across the common room that connected his and Thor’s chambers, the sky outside the windows lit with the brilliance of the stars, and quietly looked into Thor’s bedroom. Thor lay sprawled out on his bed, motionless, but Loki could hear his soft breathing from where he stood and was reassured. He retreated and made his way out into the hallway, and crossed over to his parents’ rooms, feeling the light tingle of the wards that, he knew would permit no one other than himself or his brother to enter once his parents had retired for the night. He passed light-footed through his mother’s weaving room and paused, hovering in the doorway of their bedroom, looking and listening. His parents lay back to back, his mother nearest to him, and after a minute he was sure of the slow rise and fall of the blanket covering her. He moved further into the room, just needing to be sure that his father was all right, too, before he could go back to bed. 

“Loki?”His mother’s voice was quiet, sleepy, but Loki nearly jumped out of his skin and couldn’t help letting out a squeak of alarm. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Are you all right?”

“Nightmare,” whispered Loki back. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to wake you. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“Want to come in?” Frigga held up the blankets invitingly, scooting back away from the edge of the bed to give Loki more room. She bumped back against Odin’s solid form and he grunted and woke. 

“Hmphm?” he murmured, still half asleep. 

“Scoot back.”

Odin obliged, but lifted his head, confused, when Frigga followed after him and spied a black head silhouetted against the dim light of the room. “Loki?”

“I’m sorry, I just had a nightmare and needed to make sure you were all right before I tried to go to sleep again,” Loki apologised again. “I’ll go now.”

“Are you sure?” Odin moved back further on the wide bed, putting space between him and Frigga, and wished all parenting decisions were as easy as knowing what to do when your child came to you upset in the middle of the night. “You could come in between us, safest place in the Nine Realms."

Frigga smiled and moved back towards the edge of the bed, creating a perfect Loki-sized space in between them and lifted the covers higher. “Come on, sweetheart.”

Loki hesitated a second, then his feet carried him forward and he scrambled over his mother’s body. Up close, his father looked strange with his eyepatch left off for the night, but he had seen the scarred socket before, and he only glanced at it for a moment before nestling down between his parents and feeling his father’s arm drape comfortingly over him.

“That’s it,” Odin pressed a kiss to Loki’s hair. “I’ve got you; you’re safe.” 

Frigga turned over and curled around Loki from the other side, letting the covers fall back down over them and reaching out to rub his shoulder. “Do you want to tell us about your dream?”

“I wasn’t in any danger ,” said Loki.  “I was just...alone, here in the palace. It was completely empty; I couldn’t find anyone. But then finally, I found you. Except you were lying like you were laid out for a funeral boat, and I knew you were dead.” He took a deep breath, filling his nostrils with the scent of her, and felt the lingering dread from the nightmare dissipate. “And then I woke up.” 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Frigga stroked his hair soothingly. “I’m sorry, what a terrible dream. But I promise you that I am very much here and alive and have no plans to go anywhere anytime soon.”

Odin’s heart ached for his son. It was a common theme that ran through Loki’s nightmares, that of being alone and abandoned. Sometimes he was someplace cold, and crying for help that didn’t come, and Odin knew the source of that one. Sometimes Loki was surrounded by fire, and Asgard was burning around him, and that one worried him. This one...well, he knew how close Loki was to his mother; his mind probably couldn’t think of a worse scenario. “No more do I,” said Odin, hugging Loki just a little bit tighter. He thought of saying something serious, about how he still had a good many years left in him yet despite his age, but decided instead on levity. “You won’t get rid of us that easily.” He tickled Loki’s stomach. 

Loki giggled and grabbed at his father’s hand. “Good,” he said firmly. His father turned his hand, slotted his larger fingers through Loki’s own, and left his hand there, covering Loki’s reassuringly. Loki relaxed, feeling warm and safe and most definitely not alone. “You don’t think I’m a baby for not wanting to be alone after a nightmare?” he asked hesitantly, just to make sure. 

“Of course not, sweetheart,” Frigga reassured him. “I expect you’re still getting used to waking up alone in a room of your own, aren’t you?” She had often enough, through the years, looked in on the boys at night to find them snuggled up together in one bed to suspect that they had found comfort in each other after bad dreams. Certainly Loki hadn’t sought their bed in a while. 

“Yes, exactly,” said Loki, grateful that she understood. “I used to be able to wake up and see Thor sleeping in his bed and know that it had just been a dream and that everything was all right.”

“Your mother and I are lucky,” Odin pointed out. “If we have a bad dream, we have someone right here next to us to say that everything is all right and that it was only a dream.”

“I never thought of that,” said Loki thoughtfully. “Do you have bad dreams, Father?”

“I do, sometimes.”

“What about?”

“The usual, I think. Losing someone that I love, being lost. Finding myself in front of a crowd of people and realising that I don’t have any clothes on.” 

Loki’s eyes widened and he lifted his head, twisting around to look back at his father. “You have that one, too?”

Frigga laughed. “I think we all have, at one time or another. I used to have that one when I was younger, but no more. I seem to have grown out of it, thank the Norns.” Odin had handled that question well, she thought. Loki didn’t need to be burdened with the details of his father’s nightmares. She heard the first birds begin to call outside, but since the birds had gone to bed hours before she had, she felt justified in ignoring them. “Go back to sleep, little one,” she told Loki softly. “Morning will be here soon enough.” 

Loki closed his eyes obediently, and she began to sing softly, the words of the lullaby unforgotten through the years. Frigga watched him, his lashes lying dark against his cheeks, his breathing growing slow, and even, until she was sure he was asleep, and quietly finished the last verse. She glanced at Odin then, to see him watching her, the expression in his eye soft. “I half wish Thor were here as well,” she confessed in a whisper. “Perhaps he’ll come hunting down his brother in the morning. Then I could have all my boys snuggled in safe around me.” 

Odin looked amused. “Are you implying that I am one of your boys as well?”

“You are.” Frigga’s tone of voice dared him to say otherwise. “Mine to love, mine to care for.” 

“Good,” he said with satisfaction, sounding remarkably like Loki had but a short while earlier, and closed his eye, a contented smile on his face.  

Frigga watched her husband and son with a heart full of love. She should suggest that Odin spend some time with the boys tomorrow; both Loki and Thor were always hungry for more of their father's time and attention. And they were old enough now to learn more of the behind the scenes work of ruling the realm; perhaps if she framed it as an educational opportunity, Odin would agree it was worth carving out the time from his schedule. She found Odin's and Loki's joined hands under the covers, and laid her own atop them. falling asleep to dream of the day when her sons would stand side by side and lead Asgard into a bright and prosperous future.

                                                        ---------------

“Loki! Why are you still abed? Did you forget that we were going to go hunting this morning?” Thor came bursting into Loki’s bedroom with all of his usual exuberance, undeterred by the fact that his brother was still, obviously, asleep, or had been up until a moment ago.

Loki groaned and buried his head under his pillow. “Changed my mind. Tomorrow’s better. Go away. I’m sleeping.” 

Thor spied a familiar-looking book on Loki’s nightstand, the same one he’d been reading last night at supper. “Were you up all night reading?”

“What if I was? Some of us wish to improve our minds.” Thor was quiet for a moment, and Loki had the vain hope that Thor would go away and leave him in peace. Then he felt his covers yanked back, and squawked in protest. 

“And some of us wish to go hunting with our brother,” said Thor cheerfully. “Come on, the fresh air will wake you up.” He took hold of Loki’s legs.

“Thor, don’t you dare, I’m warning you --”

Thor pulled. 

There was a flash of green. It was followed by a startled croak.

Loki peered over the edge of his bed at the large green frog sitting on his floor. It looked back at him mournfully. “I warned you. Now hop along and stay out of trouble and I’ll change you back this afternoon. If you want to go hunting then, fine, if not, I promise to go to bed earlier tonight and we’ll go tomorrow morning.” 

The frog tried to walk, one webbed foot at a time, towards Loki’s bedroom door, before figuring out how to manage his long legs and gave a short hop, then a longer one, and presently disappeared from sight. He was going to be in so much trouble when he changed Thor back, Loki thought, but some things were worth it. He wondered if Thor would brave going to their mother, or if he would have the sense to simply wait the morning out in his rooms. The first option would restore him to his own form faster, if he made it into Frigga’s presence and could convince her of his identity, but it also risked him being seen by a member of the staff and deposited outside in a pond. Grinning at that mental image, he pulled his blankets back up and let his head sink back into his pillow. He reclosed his door with a wave of his hand and sank happily back into slumber.

                                                ---------------

Loki lay in bed and watched the dim lighting of the cell brighten. Morning, he assumed, though really he had no way of knowing, would never see the sky again. How early was it? he wondered. Was the sky still pink and gold from the sunrise, or had it already turned to blue? The constant white glare of the cell bothered him more each day, made him long for the shaded green places in his mother’s gardens (he could not think of her as anything else in his heart), or the dim recesses of the library, lit by the warm glow of lamps, or the muted light filtering in through the curtains in his rooms. At first it had been enough to have a place where he knew he was safe, where he could simply let down all his defenses and rest without fear or pain. He had slept for long stretches of time, those first weeks, while his body healed, waking only to eat ravenously of the food that was delivered to him. He heard the rattle of a meal tray being delivered now, the curt “Breakfast” spoken by the guard before they disappeared again. He rose and went to collect the tray. 

It had not escaped his notice that his meals weren’t standard prison fare, that there was usually at least one thing on his tray that was something that he particularly liked. There was always fresh fruit and juice for breakfast, and today, a veritable feast of a mushroom and cheese omelette and hot buttered toast and the spicy sausages his mother knew he liked, because of course it was her doing, he knew that much. There was even, astonishingly, a bottle of elven wine. the explanation for which was in the new book that had accompanied his breakfast tray. He opened it and read the inscription on the flyleaf: 

My dearest son,  

It seems cruel to wish you a happy name day, but I hope these small tokens of my affection will give you some pleasure on this day nevertheless. I tell myself it is better than last year, when I still thought you dead, and if you are kept apart from me, at least I know that you are alive and well. And I let myself hope that next year will be better yet, that something will have changed, for I refuse to believe otherwise. I will find a way to force it to change myself, if I have to. If you would only tell us what happened to you, give your father a reason to trust you again -- But this is not the time or the place to chide you for that, only know that when you are ready to talk I will be here to listen. And know that I will never stop loving you, nor celebrating the day you arrived in our lives, for you are one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. As always, I remain

                                                            -- your loving Mother

He cried bitter tears then, tears of longing to feel her arms around him again, and tears of regret for his lost life. He wanted, desperately, to see the sky, to breathe fresh air, to walk without coming up against a wall after more than a few paces. Would it change anything if he told? He tried to remember why he hadn’t, that first day when he’d been brought back and paraded before Odin in chains. Spite? Anger? Shame? To show his parents how it felt to have a secret kept from them? Yes, all of those, he knew, but were they worth it? Did he want Thanos to come upon an Asgard unwarned, and unready? He thought of the palace littered with bodies, of the palace empty of life save for the slaughtered bodies of those who had had the chance to fight, and remembered, with a sudden chill, the nightmare that he had had more than once as a youth. He thought of his mother dead, and not knowing until one day a meal tray arrived with plain prison fare, no special treats. No more books. Of never seeing anyone again except the guard who delivered the meals, of never being able to have an actual conversation with anyone again. Alone, forgotten. Except no, Thanos would not forget him. Panic rose up and engulfed him, and he reached for the wine, uncorking it and taking a healthy swig. 

The wine helped a little, but he couldn’t truly relax until his mother’s projection appeared in the afternoon and the relief that swept through him almost made him giddy. He thanked her for the gifts, and was ashamed at how the basic courtesy made her face light up like the sun. 

“I only wish that I could do more.” Her hand rose, as if she would cradle his face. Loki fought the urge to turn into the touch, lest the contact shatter her illusion, and allowed himself to imagine he could feel the warmth of her hand upon his skin. “Tell me what it’s like outside today,” he said impulsively. “Is the sky blue?”

“It is, clear and blue with a few puffy white clouds floating around. It is just past midday, and the garden is full of the scent of the roses in bloom.”

She seemed to know what he craved, and painted a picture of the gardens with her words that invoked all his senses. And when he didn’t stop her, she continued on with all the everyday details of life in the palace lately, what she was doing to fill her time and then what was going on in the greater Realm, slowly expanding his world. She took it as a good sign, that he was finally expressing an interest in the outside world. 

Loki knew her time for him was up when she glanced behind her, as someone obviously came into the room where her body stood. 

“I must go now, but I’ll be back tomorrow,” she promised. “Imagine me giving you a kiss and a hug, and I swear that I shall one day do so in fact.”

“Mother,” Loki said quickly, before she could vanish, the careful “Allmother” that he sometimes used never having become easy or comfortable on his tongue. “Thank you for coming. And what you asked of me -- in the book -- I will consider it.” 

Her face lit up again. “I am glad to hear that. And I will never, ever stop coming to see you, not until the day that you are able to come and see me .” She held out her hands to him, letting him be the one to dispel her illusion in the little ritual they had developed, and reluctantly, he brought his hands down on hers, an almost physical pang running through him when there was no solidity of contact and she vanished in a shimmer of gold. 

“Husband,” Frigga said cooly, turning to face her visitor. “What brings you here at this time of day?” 

“Do I need an excuse to come see my beautiful wife?’ Odin asked, a challenging glint in his eye. 

“Well, if you have no matters to bring to my attention…”  She trailed off, then squared her shoulders and lifted her chin as she faced him. “I wish to see Loki.”

“Do you not already see him?” he countered. 

Frigga froze, had he seen or was he only guessing? His face was that inscrutable mask which served him so well as king but which she hated to see on her husband. 

Odin sighed. “I know you send your projections to him, you need not worry about that.”

Frigga relaxed. “Ah. I had wondered, but it seemed better not to bring it up if you were willing to overlook it,” she confessed.

“After that first time, when you didn’t press me further to allow you to visit him, I surmised that you had found your own way of seeing him. I know your abilities, and I know you would not let anything keep you from either one of your children if you thought they had need of you.” 

“I would not,” she agreed, steel in her voice. 

Odin dropped his head, half turning away from her. “I had no right to forbid you from seeing him in the first place. It was wrong, and it was cruel, and I am sorry for it. I wish that I had a better excuse, but in the moment, I was simply angry that he, too, had chosen to attack what he had sworn to defend. Jotunheim I could understand, to some extent, but Midgard?” He closed his eye briefly, feeling the weight of his years, and admitted the ugly truth about himself. “And I spoke what I knew would hurt him most.”

“Yet not sorry enough to take it back once you had spoken.” 

“It would have been seen as a sign of weakness.”

“It would have been seen as a sign of compassion!” Frigga snapped, then shook her head. Anger would not get her what she wanted, she knew that much. “So alike, the two of you are, always knowing the words that will wound deepest."

Odin fiddled with a paperweight sitting on a table, a simple, smooth stone with a design on it that had once been painstakingly painted by a young boy. “I remember asking once, what of me you saw in Loki. I had hoped for a better legacy than ‘cruel’ and ‘obstinate’.”

“It is not too late to fix things, Odin,” she urged. “A wise king knows when to admit he is wrong, and to correct his mistakes instead of letting them continue unchecked because he is not man enough to face up to them. When has Loki ever responded well to harshness? Perhaps he would not have stayed so recalcitrant in his refusal to speak of what befell him if you had showed some sign of kindness when he was returned to us. Who knows how long he spent in the Void, unable to think of anything but the fact that he no longer felt that he had a family? That his entire life was a lie? Small wonder he emerged mad, if that is all that happened, but I do not think it is. He did not just stumble onto an army of Chitauri and decide to invade Midgard because he wanted a throne. You did not see his face when I had Gungnir handed to him; he did not expect it, he did not want it.  He did not desire rule, only respect, to be seen as Thor’s equal, to make you proud. Would it have killed you to have welcomed him back as his father before you pronounced judgement as his king?” Frigga could not help her voice rising again in condemnation. 

“Invading another realm was not the way to gain that respect, nor trying to completely obliterate one!” Odin protested, turning back to her in anger, then his defiance dropped away. He did not want to turn this conversation into a fight anymore than Frigga did. “Never mind Jotunheim, not now. As I said, I understand something of what drove him to attack it, and though I do not condone such an extreme action, it was within his rights as ruling king at the time to retaliate for Laufey’s attack on Asgard. But it is what followed after that complicated matters. I could not simply banish him to another realm to learn a lesson as I did with Thor because I do not know what lesson he needs to learn, and I do not know if that realm would be safe, and most of all, I do not know whether Loki himself would be safe, or whether he might attempt to end his own life again.” Odin looked at her bleakly, the memory of Loki’s face as his son let go of Gungnir and let himself fall into the Void one that still haunted his nightmares. “What else could I have done, other than what I did?  And what would you have me do now?”

“It was not what you did but how you did it,” Frigga allowed, for Loki had been a threat that needed containing at the time, even she had to acknowledge that. “But as for now -- be his father! If you want to get him to trust you again, you have to show him that you deserve it. And you can start by letting me visit him, in person.”

“Why now?” he asked, stalling a bit but also curious. “Why have you waited this long to ask again?”

Frigga pursed her lips. “To be honest, until today, I have not been sure if he would welcome my actual presence,” she admitted. 

“And today?”

“It was a good day; he was quieter, more settled.”

The corner of Odin’s mouth turned up. “Perhaps we should have sent wine long before this.”

“Do you know everything?” she demanded in exasperation. 

“I wish I did. I would give much to know what happened to Loki in the year that he was gone. But do you not think I look in on my son every now and then? I know what today is as well as you do.”

“I don’t think it was just the wine. It had been opened when I arrived, yes, but not enough was gone to influence him in any way. I think he is just...coming back to himself.”

Odin thought of the way Loki had sat quietly and listened to his mother today, as he had watched from Hlidskjalf for a while before withdrawing his Sight and giving them their privacy, no longer the ranting, rage-filled man who had come back to them. It had been a slow change, but a steady one, and he thought longingly of the possibility of one day having his son back. Loki was not Hela, he reminded himself, despite their remarkable physical similarity. The Norns must have been laughing at him when they had sent him Loki’s way. A second chance, to raise a raven-haired child right. And he thought he had done so. Loki had not been molded for war, had not grown up without the softness of love. A succession of memories flashed through Odin’s mind. A baby, smiling and quieting as soon as he was picked up. A small body nestled against his. A boy trustingly slipping his hand into Odin’s. A young man walking with his mother’s hand tucked securely through his arm, love and pride in every line of his bearing. A son grown tall and strong, a son any man would be proud of. Had he told that to Loki often enough, or had he simply assumed that he knew, that that was what Odin had been saying whenever he laid an approving hand on Loki’s back or shoulder, whenever he trusted him with some matter of state, some diplomatic mission? Somewhere along the way they had lost that closeness which Loki and Frigga still had, and Odin had never regretted it more than when Loki had learned of a heritage which did not matter in the slightest to him, but had driven Loki to such despair that he had no longer seen a reason to go on living. 

“Odin?” Frigga’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.

Odin cast back to the last thing she had said, and remembered, Loki coming back to himself. “I pray that it is so.” He paced across her room, thinking. He was going to agree to Frigga’s request, he knew, but he wondered if he could get something more out of it. Loki’s refusal to talk of what had happened to him during the year he was beyond all their sight irritated him in more ways than the simple defiance of it. Nothing about Midgard made sense; was that simply because Loki had not been thinking rationally at the time or was there a huge puzzle piece there that they were missing? His instincts said the latter, and he wished not for the first time that Thor had managed to bring home the weapon Loki had wielded along with his brother, wondered if there might not be a clue there. If the Bifrost had not been shattered, he would have gone and demanded it of the mortals himself, and not taken no for an answer. Or was he simply looking for a reason which would justify Loki’s actions, that he might give him a chance to redeem himself, as he had given Thor? He nearly growled in frustration as he came up once again against his complete lack of knowledge.  

“How much do you think he wishes for your company?” he asked. “Enough to finally tell us what happened to him in exchange for it?”

“I don’t know,” Frigga admitted. “But he did say he would consider talking about it when I mentioned it again today.” 

Odin brightened at that. "Considering" was not "agreeing to", but it was the first time that Loki had even given them that much. “Then perhaps we should wait until he comes to that decision. If we give him something that he wants before he does so, it might remove the impetus to give us what we want." 

“Odin,” Frigga pleaded, allowing all of her yearning to come through in her voice. “I have not been able to hold my son in over two years. Have not been able to offer even the comfort of a single touch.”

Odin hesitated, then gave in. “A week. We will give him a week, and if he does not say anything more about it, then I will go to him with my offer.” It was hardly any time at all, when Loki had held out this long, but he was tired of being at odds with his wife, and hoped this would help mend the rift between them. 

“And if he refuses it?”

Odin looked at her face, saw the fear that she would be further denied the chance to visit her son, and felt shame that he was the cause of it. If Loki scorned him as weak for this, then so be it. He would make this one thing right. “Then you may visit him anyway.” 

Frigga’s face lit with joy, and the next thing he knew she had her arms around him. He tried to get his arms up to embrace her back, for he had not been favoured with such attention for a long time, but she was already stepping back, her hands lingering on his shoulders for a moment while she beamed at him. 

“Thank you,” she said with heartfelt fervour. 

“Am I forgiven?” he asked hopefully. 

“Ask me again when I have held my son in my arms,” she said, but she was still smiling, and Odin’s heart felt lighter than it had for a long time.

As it turned out, they didn’t even have to wait a week.                                       ---

                                                       ----------

As if thinking of the old dream conjured it back into existence, Loki was haunted by it again that night. Running through the empty palace, looking for someone, anyone, only to find, at last, Frigga, laid out and lifeless and waking to his heart pounding in panicked dread. And for the first time in his life, he could do nothing to reassure himself of her safety other than wait for her visit. When she arrived, he took a deep breath of relief. Only a nightmare, he told himself. But it was harder to dismiss when he woke from the same dream the next morning, except this time he had heard Thanos’s laughter when he had come upon his mother’s dead body, and impossible the third. He was too agitated to eat breakfast and paced restlessly until Frigga finally showed up. 

“Tell the Allfather,” he said, having made up his mind that he had to do something, that if the Norns were sending him a message he could not risk ignoring it. If he could not be free to guard his mother’s life, then he must give up what knowledge he had that would allow her to be best prepared to defend herself if and when Thanos broke into the Nine.“That I will answer any questions he may have in return for you being allowed to visit me in person.”

Joy swept through Frigga. “He will be hearing petitioners now,” she said. “Shall I interrupt him or wait till he breaks for the midday meal?”

“Better wait." He didn't want his mother to leave when she had just arrived, and it would give him time to prepare what he was going to say, how much he needed to reveal. "But do it today."

“I will,” she promised.                                     

                                                     ------------

A couple of hours later, Loki came to his feet as he heard approaching footsteps and stood facing the front of his cell, his hands clasped behind his back. He tensed as he saw Odin, but his heart leapt when he saw his mother following behind him. 

“Loki,” Odin greeted. “I understand you wish to strike a deal.” 

“I do. I will answer any questions that you have in exchange for mother being allowed to visit me whenever she wishes. Inside my cell,” he stressed. When Odin didn’t respond immediately, he swallowed his pride and added “I swear I will not hurt her, nor attempt to use her in any way to escape this place.” 

“I never thought that you would hurt her,” Odin admitted after a moment, and glanced at Frigga, then gestured towards the cell. “Very well. Go ahead.” 

Two long strides forward and Frigga was deactivating the energy barrier that formed the front of the cell, one more and she was pulling Loki into her arms. “Loki,” she breathed out fervently. “My son.” 

It had happened so fast, Loki hadn’t been prepared for it, and flinched back for a second, from the shock of being touched after so long without it, and because for so long before that, touch had always meant pain instead of comfort. He didn’t know what to do for a moment, but then her scent hit him, the smell of herbs and flowers and fresh air, that whispered ‘home’ and ‘safe’ and ‘loved’, and his arms came up instinctively as he wrapped her up tight in his embrace and buried his face against her neck. “Mother,” he said desperately, and then quieter, for her ears alone, “Amma .” 

“I’ve got you,” Frigga whispered, burying her hand for the first time in the new length of his hair. “You’re safe.” 

Odin heard them both, and relief and remorse swept through him in equal measures. Their son was still in there, still reachable, but looking at Loki’s face was almost painful. Whatever happened today, he vowed he would not keep them apart again. Belatedly he realised he had not reactivated the energy barrier and stepped forward to do so.

Loki heard the faint hum crackle back into life and glanced up, a faint smirk on his face. "A bit slow there, weren't you? I could have teleported right out of here in a second."

Frigga tightened her grip on him. "If you had tried, you would have had to take me with you."

"What an excellent idea, Mother," Loki said brightly. "Where would you like to go?"

She gave him an admonishing shake. "Don't tempt me, you."

"And yet you didn't," said Odin. "Perhaps I am simply choosing to trust my son to keep his word, that he will not try to use his mother's presence in an attempt to escape. Am I wrong to do so?"

Loki shook his head, and raised his chin a notch. "You are not."

For the moment, the mask was gone from his son’s face, Loki’s eyes wide and vulnerable in a too gaunt face, and Odin was reminded of just how young Loki still was. "Good,” he said approvingly. “In return, I ask you to trust me, Loki. Tell me what happened to you. Let me help you, if I can." 

“I will save you time and tell you the only thing that you need to know. Thanos the mad Titan seeks the Infinity Stones, and a way into the Nine. Asgard must prepare her defenses and stop him from finding them all.”

Odin's mind instantly flashed back to the conversation that he’d had with Thor on his return to Asgard, when he had grilled him about everything that he could remember Loki doing or saying on Midgard, seeking some clue to his youngest son’s behaviour. 

He had a sceptre, with a blue stone, with the ability to control the minds of others.

 He was not like himself at all. He looked unwell, and afraid at times, and the manner in which he attacked was so unlike his usual style that I thought he must be in league with someone else.

I thought I was reaching him, when I asked him to stop and come home. For a moment I could see the brother that I knew in his eyes, but then he said that it was too late to go back, and he shook it off and went back to the attack. 

A picture was coming together in Odin’s mind, and it was not one that he liked. Loki, his mind already broken, falling into the hands of a being of incomparable power, one who wished to escape his exile outside of the Nine. Thanos discovering that Loki had the ability to walk the shadow paths between worlds. Had the scepter truly borne a blue stone, or had it been a yellow stone concealed in a blue housing? Were the mortals the only ones it had been used upon?  The Tesseract. Mind stone and space stone. One risked to gain a second, a ploy that had failed. If Thanos could break into the Nine, it would not only be the Stones he came after, Odin guessed, it would be Loki, for failing to deliver what he had been sent for.  For he had no doubt now that Loki had been sent. A year gone, beyond Heimdall’s view.  How much of that time had been spent in the Void, how much being broken until his proud, powerful son had been turned into a tool to be used?  Had Midgard been offered as a reward for service, or had Loki wanted it as a sanctuary, a bulwark against the Mad Titan when he felt he no longer had a right to claim Asgard as his home? 

Oh, Loki, Odin thought, his heart clenching for his son. What did he do to you?  He reached out and deactivated the force field at the front of the cell again, and walked in to join his wife and son, meeting Loki’s startled gaze steadily. He had failed his son once, he was not going to fail him again. 

“On the contrary, I think I’m going to need to know a great deal more than that.” 

Loki, still standing within the circle of his mother's arms, stared. Odin had set the barrier to re-form behind him, effectively trapping him inside the cell with Loki. He would need to call the guard now to let him out. "Was that wise? Locking yourself in with a dangerous criminal? I only promised not to hurt Mother, you know."

"if I have been so poor of a father that I need fear attack from my own son, then perhaps I deserve it." There had been no threat in Loki's voice, though, merely a pointing out of facts, and Odin grinned mischievously. "You can try, though." 

Unexpectedly, Loki felt the corner of his mouth quirk up, feeling oddly reassured instead of offended that his own strength and skills were being dismissed. He wanted his father to still be strong, he realised, wanted to feel that childhood certainty that Odin could fix anything, that he could handle any problem brought to him and make everything all right again. He knew that wasn't the case anymore, but still, if Asgard were to stand any chance at all against Thanos, she would need the strength of all her warriors, led by a strong king. And that king needed to be armed with knowledge as well as weapons, knowledge that Loki was tired of bearing alone. If nothing else, Odin could share that burden.

"I would not wish to upset Mother," he said diplomatically, and heard Frigga huff beside his ear. 

"No more would I, yet I fear I have done so for far too long. But I am trying to make amends. To you and to her," Odin stressed. "Talk to me, Loki, please. Let me be the father I should have been when you first returned." 

For a change, Loki did not feel the need to deny that Odin was his father, knew he could not do so with any conviction at the moment. If not Odin, then who? Certainly not Laufey, who had left him to die. At least Odin had been there, and was here now, apparently still willing to call Loki his son. Perhaps one imperfect father willing to admit his mistakes was better than none. The anger that he had nurtured for over a year fizzled out, and he swallowed hard. "What more do you wish to know?" 

"Everything."

His mother's hand gripping his tightly, grounding him, Loki took a deep breath and began to talk.

                                                                                                    -------------------

“Amma.”

Sif woke to a small hand tugging on the sleeve of her nightshirt. A pair of clear blue eyes beneath a head of tousled black curls peered at her from just over the top of the mattress. 

“What is it, Ullr?”

“I had a bad dream.” 

Sif yawned sleepily. “Do you want to spend the rest of the night with us?”

Ullr nodded. “Yes, please.” 

He held up his arms to her, and Sif saw that he had his much-loved stuffed bear with him, a present from his Aunt Jane. She sat up and reached down, lifting Ullr up onto the bed and scooted back. Loki, who was always a light sleeper, woke with an inquisitive noise as she bumped into him.

“Mhm?” He rolled onto his side, automatically reaching out to drape an arm over her and draw her close, and came up against an unexpected shape. He woke a little more. “Sif?”

“It's just Ullr. He had a bad dream.”

“Put him between us, then.” He moved back, making room.

“Go on, Ullr.” Sif held the covers up. “You heard your father.” She smiled as Ullr promptly scrambled over her body and was instantly gathered in close by Loki.

Loki nuzzled Ullr’s hair, breathing in the sweet scent of his son and wrapping an arm securely around him as Sif turned to face them, letting the covers fall back over them, enclosing them in a soft, warm cocoon. Ullr didn’t seem visibly distressed, so either the dream hadn’t been too bad, Loki thought, or the memory of it was already fading. Still, there were words which had to be said.

“I’ve got you,” he said softly. “You’re safe.”

[llycaons]

🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

For cql!!

🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?

embarassingly I do not know the names to the songs...I looked up the lyrics to the character songs at one point and wq's made me cry and I love wwx's but for the songs within the show I only know wuji. but I feel like that's all I need. it's SO beautiful and heartfelt and versatile and the melody stays with you and it's appropriately romantic and dramatic for the series and the relationship esp with the grandness of the lyrics about lifetimes and joys and sorrows and dreams and good and evil...16 yr old lwj REALLY delivered

edit: I don't remeber the name but I do vividly recall the yunmeng trio song and it's really beautiful also but it makes me so sad I feel like lying on the floor and crying forever

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

I feel like I've talk wwx and lwj to death even though they are my favorites along with jl so I'm going to focus on wen ning today wen ning THE bravest character in this series I am not remotely kidding he defied his extremely powerful sect whose leader was holding him hostage AND his beloved older sister/caretaker to save the lives of political prisoners he barely knew (one of whom literally never bothered to even try to return the favor) and he suffured for it! he WAS imprisoned and tortured by both sides and murdered in the cruellest way and left to rot and he STILL came out of that experience essentially gentle and strong-hearted and kind. and I wish he had more development and especially more opportunities to lash out because he lost EVERYTHING. he lost his sister and his family and his home and his life and the only time you see him angry, besides his well-deserved attack spree after being ressurected, is in 46 and it's not even on his behalf! he's just a very sincere and good character and while he was the butt of some jokes I did feel like he was given the amount of respect rarely afforded canon nd characters. the way his story ended was so beautiful and hopeful and I adore him

(side note, even if he was concious when he killed jxz isn't there an argument that the jins attacked and murdered members of his family, and by that same logic the jins use, he could take his blood debt back? but the power dynamics skew everything in favor of the weaker party and wq knows this and that's why she doesn't bother to fight fate scream)

thank you!!

[onlytime1]

A love letter to Octavia Blake

It’s kinda strange to write this one, but i guess the moment was meant to come. The night before the series finale, damn how strange that feels, series finale of this series. I write it here in the tag where a deep part of my love and rootin for Octavia were nurished and cultivated day by day as the yrs went by. 

I’m a hella of a happy person, i feel like the luckiest in the world with what i have; i faced only one moment of darkness in the past, trapped in uncertaity and anxiety and stress; i knew who i was and i knew what i wanted, what i was searching for, I also realized where i belonged along the way just as Octavia did; I just needed a push to go for what i deserved   and Octavia was the one who empowered me to do so. It’s like we walked a path of finding where you belong together.

About say 2 yrs ago I wrote a similar post out of sheer fear that was the last night I was seein Octavia alive...well two yrs have gone by and she s still here; about to face the feared series finale.

I can’t say I don’t fear to lose her; because the fear of losing her has basically accompanied me ever since that fateful snake encounter at the lake all the way back in 1x01; but i write this post with a different approach than that one; and I so wish to see her happy I hope she survives and gets the happy ending that she has always deserved; because she s the hero, THE REAL HERO, of this fuckin show; but here comes the but; Its because i know she s a hero, THE HERO, that I  know she goes in while others run out, I know she has her sword/gun out while others put it down, she looks for battle and doesn t cover from it; she shelters the others, never herself; knows when instead of showing up; its time to quietly hide and surprise the enemy; and viceversa when loud approach steps over quiet and stealth;because she s a hella of a strategist too....

I know all of these things, and I know in less than 24 hrs she might be gone; or maybe not; but if that s the case I just hope it will be as heroic as her life.

So this is my love letter to the character that sought me out of darkness to have a life.

To the girl under the floor: who, with her kindness and diplomacy became the bridge between earth and sky; for she was humble in lookin always at the ground while others looked always from above their noses.

To Indra’s second: who learned that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, that differences enrich us and embraced her warrior call with pride and earnest to learn; for  being warrior became the consacrated job to save others.

To the girl who for the first time knew betrayal and was once again swung into loss: who felt her heart heavy as she watched people who had accepted her as their own die undeservingly; who never hid her pain, especially when it hit the closest home; but used it to once more to spare everybody else bad fates. 

To skairipa: who already knew Lincoln s mission was her very own; who wanted to die but couldn’t because the fate of humanity rested once again in her hands; who wished for the unity the Girl under the floor already knew could be reached and to Osleya who made that dream come true; who gave people their right to choose their destiny for her heart looked in theirs and for the first time knew they were all ONE. Wonkru.

To Blodreina: who was the best leader this mf show could’ve ever asked for; who held the fort thro the good and the heartbreaking days, who crushed her heart, who hurt in silence and pushed down her fears her wish to reach beyond because she needed to bring her people home. For her strength held thro it her people, for her lonliness kept everybody else together and taught them to be one, for her bravery where everybody else who was supposed to help left; she stayed. For the hero that was denigrated, that has horrible lines written on her(sometimes given to Octavia herself)for the writers to justify the true villains of the show (blorke) instead of gettin the praise she deserves.

To the girl of the anomaly: who traveled thro time and space; who found unexpected company, that later became her life, and  a family that truly deserves(d) to call her their family too. For she got to taste happiness, real happiness, after a life of hardships.

To Mama bear O (and aunt my ass, we all know those two were married and Hope is as much her kid as Diyoza’s): who went from scared of dropping the baby to the kiddo droppin on her askin her to teach her how to be a warrior; who didn’t crumble to Bardo’s trials and didn’t give anyone up; her kid in primis; for she never ever crumbled to bullshit one single day in the whole series.

And in the end to Octavia Blake because she’s all of them in one person; carryin them all inside of herself, wearing them on her skin and their words still resounding in her head and if you look close you can see them all reflected in her eyes. Like thousands of lives and places and times in one person. They all tell the story of one person, that thro it all never forgot the basics of her heart; that allowed her to turn all these lives into character developement; into who s about to face the final battle. Octavia never EVER NEVER did anythin wrong, nor one single wrong choice; because her heart was always in the right place.

Both finales are very possible...both finales...would make sense, but as the hours go by and the finale approaches; i shall believe and hope life is the way for her.

See you all on the other side...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We’re on the other side, octaviakru. 

We ve made it, our beautiful girl gets her happy ending, after saving the world once again for the uptenth time.

And i can t say i m surprised,because i knew the moment a test was called, the only one who could take it and pass it...was Octavia.

A true warrior knows when it s time to raise your arms up....and when to put them down and heal your broken hands...and if possible, to lay them down one last time. 

This time the wars had to end...and she ended them all, because her heart was always in the right place.

I footnote here for posterity the immense pride and emotion i felt when Hope sat on Octavia s throne, pointin once again another signal that only Octavia could end this, and all the pain from war she spared her and Diyoza s kiddo.

When she faught in war, she faught because they couldn’t be stopped, because they needed to happen, because they were a necessity;or because she was flung into them havin no other choice but to fight; what wasn t a necessity were the immense massacres blorke would accomplish everytime, thinkin that was the solution,....and that s why they failed, and Octavia succeded. Because whatever was her evolution she looked always at them as her equals, because she walked among them all and loved them all as her own, because she hurt and was heartbroken but never asked for anythin back and above all because she did right, she always did everything the right way; and not wrong like the blorkes who ended up askin to be absolved and givin out the “i DiD iT fOr tHem aLl, oH mY soUl”speech. 

[mashkaromanova]

Alexandra (‘Sunny’) Feodorovna, December 1913

“My beloved Ernie,

I am writing to you with an autopen Victoria sent me. Let me thank you from us both ever so tenderly for our perfectly delightful presents. How beautiful the roses are, is she not the lady who gave cousins painting lessons? The mauve bowl is lovely too, the figure of Christ for Livadia - & the old Image I shall have arranged & hung up in our bedroom. No doubt it belonged to the rooms in wh. Gt Aunt Marie lived at the Alte Palais, or where she had her transportable chapel there. You do send such delightful presents always. We shall try Nicky’s air, or smoke consumer. The Children enjoy their scealing-wax [sic] heater greatly. -

Our presents we had after eleven on Xmas Eve, because Nicky & the girls went to A. Minny from 6-11. - Our trees began after 2 for the ladies, masters, servants & Children. I went alone to Church & prayed for all my dear ones near & far. - It is such a blessing to have our Darling [Alexei] walking about again, & he does enjoy going out into the snow & to the soldiers’ Xmas trees. He has grown very much. Now he sleeps in the spare room next to the day nursery wh. is quite his now. The girls have taken their writing-tables into their bedrooms, wh. look most cosy now. 

Next to him sleeps his man in a small room I had made out of Baby’s big one. Then Sonia’s sitting room is his lesson room. Then the big dark library is quite white (bookcases all gone) & large dark blue leather furniture, cosy - & 2 pianos - the girls have their music lessons here & the masters lunch. Baby breakfasts & dines there with Mr Gilliard & his Dr, & in the evening, Marie, Anastasia & Schura take part. Then Mr Gilliard lives in Sonia’s bed & other sitting room. I had to have them both made smaller to get a corridor arranged for Trine to be able to pass to the lessons, & for me to go to Sonia. The latter lives in Sofie Ivanovna’s rooms - all her furniture has been taken there, but the room is so immense that it looks almost empty - she is better lodged than before & we have had a lift made for her. -

Alexei has another young sailor now to help Derevenko take turns & to look after his things. He is an excellent fellow, was several years on board, and the last 3 in the childrens’ cabins - he is more strict than Derevenko, but touchingly kind. He also sat up part of the nights at Livadia now when Alexei suffered so terribly fr. a fall on the other leg. - I have taken Iza Buxhoeveden quite now, after her marriage did not come off. She has become less fidgety since, & this has ever been her dream. So she & Nastinka Hendrikoff take turns going out with Olga & Tatiana, or accompanying them to town (wh. Lili Ob. & Olga Evg. did not like doing, as they found as my ladies it an unnecessary thing) then in the Crimea whilst I rested they read English or French with them. 

It is so good having these two bright young creatures to keep them company & their friendly faces are a pleasure to behold - never any stories between, & Olga Evg: because much nicer & full of life this autumn, thanks to no antagonistic influences. Mme Narishkine is the old hen looking after them all, I had them all & Trine, Sonia & Ania in the Crimea. - 16 dgr. of frost & bright sunshine. I have only been to Church in a shut carriage, as cannot breathe in the cold any more. - I was worse last month & now am better again, thanks to the beautiful Crimean air - could even go to one of the soldier’s trees, but I made sister Olga, O & T give the presents, as that is too tiring. -

Well Irina’s engagement to Felix Soumarokoff has at last been announced & one says they swim in happiness & she is beginning to wake up. God grant them happiness - they are so young & have lille character I fear - she is lovely. I am sorry Xenia’s only daughter making such a marriage - after all a false position (in England so easy) & he is a civilian. 

Tatiana K. husband is military, N.[icholas] made him aide de camp this year (Prince Bagration Muchransky) - we saw him constant;y in the Crimea en famille - naturel & full of respect & tact - wh. both Felix does not much possess - is at once at his ease everywhere - & more familiar, well I hope poor Xenia will have no bothers & that all will go well. Awful giving one’s child away, not knowing what is in store for her - well here they have been 10 months everywhere inseparable almost in Russia & abroad, so had time to know each other well; - at least she remains in Russia & has everything one could wish for. -

Must end now. Kissing you both dears ever so tenderly, yr old Sunny. & God bless you. -”

- Alexandra to Ernest Louis, Grand Duke of Hesse, 26th December 1913/8th January 1914

[myriverofthoughts]

                                  AN OPEN LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

 I never thought I would ever go back to tumblr again, but here I go. I guess some things never change, huh? Hello, old friend. After several years, here I am again, about to type away my whims and my pain. Gosh, I feel like a high schooler again. I guess I should start by writing about what brought me back, swirling deep down to this depressing place called tumblr after so many years of practically staying away from it.

     Well, 14 year old self, I have to be blunt. Young adulthood for us isn’t exactly fun and blissful. You thought that by now, you would grow out of your social awkwardness and you would be so good at making friends and keeping people, that you would have graduated and atleast stable if not succesful and spoiling the hell out of your grandparents, your dad, stepmom and siblings, but I apologize, because I haven’t really made it better for us yet. If I would completely be honest, I think I am failing. We’re 22 and I’m sorry because we are still not what we envisioned to be at this age. We are existing in sheer mediocrity, and let me tell you, I still have no clue about the things that we are good at. It seems like nothing has really changed and progress has been really slow for us and for that, again, I apologize. I feel regretful for all the times that I’ve wasted in things that are unproductive or counterproductive, I have so many “should have been” for us. So many years, months and days wasted instead of focusing on our goal. I guess we never really grew out of our “easy to be distracted” trait.

But on the other hand, I cannot blame myself. It’s been hard too. It’s not really easy to achieve things when you have so many uncertainties about yourself, especially the aspect of deteriorating health. I know, It shouldn’t be an excuse, and trust me, It is taking a lot of strength in me to fight those thoughts, but even the toughest ones have a tipping point; most of the time you really don’t know how to pick yourself up from there. My condition is taking its toll on my body and nobody really knows it. I guess at some point you thought at 22 we would be radiant, full of life and energy and endless opportunities, again, I regret to inform you that we feel like a 40 yr old in a 22 year old’s body.

The hardest thing for me to accept that in this lifetime, I would never be as energetic as the people my age, I can never really enjoy the stuff that I want to do withouth having to worry about body pains, I would never be seen as someone beautiful, that everytime people would look at me, the initial thing that they would see is my disability, and for some people, that is all that I am.

I would LOVE to do a lot of things.

Remember when we were 9 years old and we were so obsessed with taekwondo trainings? It was our life, and we were so proud of it, it made us feel so special but we had to stop because of our condition. That broke me and up to this day I still think about it, what if I had a normal spine? Would we be a taekwondo athlete just like what we dreamed about?

The mountains are my happy place next to the ocean. Those scenery can easily take my breath away and make me cry my eyes out for being testimonies of how beautiful the world is. But I cannot enjoy it to the full extent because of what I have.

So young, yet I feel so trapped. Restrained at such an age wherein I am supposed to be rambunctious, adventurous and hopeful. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for what we have right now, I just wish I can do more.

Younger self, I apologize for failing you. and maybe I will continue to do so up until to my last breath. I’m sorry for keeping your hopes up.