#WHY TAG FIX IT IF IT IS IN FACT NOT FIXED

[dreamerdrop]

[Image of tags from @k-ru-h reading: #and what if I said. This plays into his autism coding.]

It absolutely does and you should say it.

I wrote a short essay a while back (years back) on another fictional character who has similar incongruous traits, in her case, the fact that she came across as both being a wide eyed naive child younger than she was and then at other times seemed like a world-weary old lady who had experienced and accepted things no child should have even a comprehension of.

Julian is kind of (very, very) similar. I’m also autistic and I feel like most characters who get given two wildly contradictory traits that then exist simultaneously in some kind of harmony end up reading as autistic by default, because it’s just… a thing for autistic folk, especially when you start mixing in trauma.

(Are there autistic people without trauma? I have yet to meet any. Being autistic in a world that wasn't built for folks like us is traumatic in and of itself even without adding anything extra on top, but I’ve yet to meet anyone who didn’t get something extra on top.)

I’m sure there’s more eloquent people than I who could write coherently about why autism often manifests and displays symptoms as being akin to two completely distinct individuals crammed together into one semi-functional human being who is left in a state of constant turmoil because their brain is constantly telling them completely contradictory things about themselves, but I am certainly not eloquent enough to manage it myself.

I’d guess it might be related to existing in a world where you are constantly told your default state is incorrect and needs to be changed or fixed, that your natural responses are wrong, that you are constantly both overthinking or underthinking, and you just end up internalizing ideas that make no rational sense because you’ve been taught you can never trust your gut on anything ever, so you end up feeling like a shoddily constructed entity who can never be quite right no matter what you do.

Anyway I think Julian should have someone who wakes him up every morning by telling him how wonderful he is and then ends every day by reminding him that it wasn't his fault.

Julian Bashir walks a very fine, maddening line between “self-loathing imposter syndrome who knows almost everyone who speaks to him for more than a minute finds him insufferable” and “incredibly self assured and annoyingly arrogant to the point of a minor god complex”.

He knows he’s attractive, he thinks he’s charming as all hell, he knows he’s the smartest person in the room (while also being acutely aware he’s going to put his foot in his mouth any second now), and he just swings wildly between “I don’t deserve anything I have, none of this is mine, my life is not my own, I am a monster” and “HELL YEAH LOOK HOW COOL AND SMART I AM GUYS ARE YOU LOOKING ARE YOU LOOKING”.

And then there’s episodes that reveal that underneath that annoying arrogance, at the very core of who he is, he really, really just wants to help people, and if he fucks that up he WILL take it personally and hold himself responsible even if there’s no way he could have known and like. Can you imagine what his first patient death was like for him. Can you imagine what a fucking nightmare his brain must be 24/7.

He is somehow as inherently self assured as he is in need of constant validation for his ego because you can SEE him break a little when that ego fails him, even a little, and it’s just.

He’s very fun to write. I hate him. (I love him so much, but oh my god.)

[dangerpronebuddie]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday!!

Tagged by @spotsandsocks @tizniz who both shared MARVELOUS stuff y'all should absolutely show some love! 🩷🩵

Been a while! I'm still technically not here lol, but I'm around more than I told myself I would be. I can't help it 😅. The Make Me Write is keeping me going, so I thank y'all for that (and if you want, you can still send in emojis 😉). I've written more since posting that than in about a month. In fact, I figured out one of the best loops of the time loop fic! So here's the start:

Buck's phone buzzes and he snaps his eyes open to bright sunlight streaming in the windows of his loft. He buries his head in his pillows and screams until his lungs give out. What the fuck happened? It was supposed to fix it! He didn't hurt Eddie. Why is he still stuck here? He grabs his phone and frustrated tears prick his eyes when he sees the same text from Tommy. He’s never tried not going to the tour. His eagerness to see Tommy never let him really think before agreeing. What would happen if Buck didn’t go? Tommy and Eddie would still leave him for the fight. Of that, he’s certain. At least he wouldn’t have to stand there like an idiot while Tommy smiles at Eddie. The pang in his chest sharpens and he scrubs a hand over his eyes. Maybe he could avoid them the entire week. Maybe it’d be for the best. He’s just been getting in the way. It’s clear who Tommy wants. And it’s not Buck. Buck opens his text thread, ignoring the message he’s seen too many times, and types out a reply. Buck: Maybe some other time? Tommy: Probably for the best Guess we both have to take a rain check And, because Buck is a master at pressing into fresh bruises, he replies: Buck: Something better come along? Tommy: Yet to be seen You know Eddie best after all Buck throws his phone aside and falls back onto the bed, grabbing the nearest pillow to shove over his face and scream into again.

(tags under the cut! As always please let me know if you want to be added/ removed):

@lover-of-mine @loveyouanyway @daffi-990 @kitteneddiediaz

@ronordmann @steadfastsaturnsrings @inell @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus

@thekristen999 @monsterrae1 @diazheartsbuckley @wildlife4life @misshiss727 @rainbow-nerdss @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove

@tidesreach @disasterbuck @lonelychicago @epicbuddieficrecs

@lunarspark-cos @idealuk @slowlyfoggydestiny @mourningeddiesfagstache @playinginthunderstorms @elvensorceress

@lin27 @jshadow01 @orangeboxfox92 @thegeekcompanion @emilybahu @lemotmo @awolfnamed-nyx @maraskywalkers

@kaseysgirl86-blog @darkrose6578 @totallynotagoraphobic @dandelioncasey @bibuckbuckgoose @whatsgoodinthehood22 @mari-lwyd-cryptid-blog

@lady-elaine @buckley-diaz-rules @buddiedaydreamer911 @monroemary @pirate-hunter @snowviolettwhite @hermoineindisguise

@nonspeakingkiku @eddiedisasterdiaz @drunkandsupportiveeddie @gnoeltop @keynb @cassi-brooks @-syrup-sue @punkrock00 @shannonhutchins @aroqueerfandoms @unlifeira @marissaleec @kissyboytroye

@lyricfulloflight @charlzie-ghost @hypersensitivitywitch @kindlingtotheflames @wallywise @zerokrox-blog @hawaiianlove808 @retromodgirl @allygateobeanz @savlikesbluengreen and anyone else who wants to share!! 🥰🩷

[apple-kiwi]

Skz Calling you clingy

Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.

Part 1

Authors note: This was supposed to be out on Tuesday but then I got into K-drama and kinda forgot about. I honestly hate how this turned out but whatever. I tagged everyone who asked for part 2, if you want to be untagged lmk, also if you want to be added to my tag list for this series lmk

Warning: None I think

Taglist: @heaveniseverywhere @straykidslvr @staybychoice @luckymilkshakerebel

Not proof read

Word count: 939

Days passed since your argument and you hadn't gone back to the apartment. You'd been crashing at a friend's place, needing time and space to cool down. Lee Know, on the other hand, started to realize the gravity of his mistake and how much he had messed up.

He hadn’t expected you to just up and leave, leaving him alone in the apartment. He also hadn't considered the fact that you might not come back anytime soon. His initial indifference was gradually replaced by a feeling of regret. He had stood you up, ignored your texts, and then called you clingy. The more he thought about it, the more it dawned on him how much he had screwed up.

Each day that passed, the more he longed to see you, to apologize and make it up to you somehow. And so, after a few days of stewing in his thoughts, he decided to make the first move. He sent you a text.

The text read: 'Can we talk? I messed up and I'm sorry. Please come back.'

You stared at the screen of your phone contemplating whether to respond or not. Your anger was still fresh, but the pang in your heart wouldn’t go away. After debating for a while you decided to type a simple reply.

'Alright, we can talk.'

Your short response surprised Lee Know. He hadn't expected you to agree to meet so easily but his heart slightly leaped with hope. Immediately he texted back.

'Can you come back home? I want to apologize in person.'

‘Ok.’

Lee Know’s anxiety spiked at your simple 'Ok’. Did that mean you'd come back? He waited anxiously for your arrival, pacing around the apartment. He hadn't seen you in days and it was eating him up inside.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the sound of the apartment door opening grabbed his attention and he turned to see you walk in. Your expression was neutral and your eyes were slightly puffy. You avoided eye contact with him, closing the door behind you. A tense silence hung in the air as neither of you knew how to start the conversation. But after a few moments, Lee Know spoke up, his voice laced with remorse, "I'm sorry," he took a few steps forward, still maintaining a small distance between you two. With an apologetic look, he continued, "I shouldn't have stood you up and called you clingy a brat. God, I don’t even know why I said that. I should've been there for our anniversary and I'm sorry I ruined it. I hadn’t realized I hurt you so much."

You remained silent for a while, finally meeting his gaze. He looked genuinely apologetic, his eyes showing genuine remorse. He wanted to come closer and hug you, but he was hesitant, not sure how you would react. He knew he had caused the damage and now he didn't know how to fix it. You let out a shaky exhale, “You really hurt me min…”

Lee Know looked at you, his face a mix of guilt and sadness. As you spoke, his heart felt heavy.

"I know I hurt you, I made a mistake and I'm so sorry.”

"I promise I'll make it up to you," he said softly. That day was a big day for us, and because of my selfishness, I ruined it. I was thoughtless, and I'm sorry.”

He looked at you, his eyes expressing his remorse. He took another step towards you. "I'm sorry. Do you," he hesitated for a moment, "Do you want to break up?"

Lee Know asked nervously, dreading the answer he might get, but he needed to ask, he knew what he did and said was wrong and unforgivable.

“What? No,” you say almost instantly, looking up at him, surprised he would even think that you know the argument was pretty bad and there were words that shouldn’t have been said but it was nothing that couldn't be talked out, and it was not bad enough to throw away a 2-year relationship, though if he hadn’t apologized it would have definitely been over.

He hesitantly closed the distance between you, carefully bringing his arms around you in a gentle embrace. He knew this wasn't enough to win you over but he wanted to feel your presence closer.

"I'm sorry," he repeated as he hugged you, feeling the weight of his mistake.

And he truly meant it. He wanted to fix this, to make things right. He knew it wouldn't be easy but he was ready to try. The thought of losing you had scared him and he realized that he needed to put more effort into being a better boyfriend.

“I know…” you whisper

Lee Know held onto you, not wanting to let go. He knew sorry wasn't enough, he knew he needed to prove it through his actions.

"I love you," he said softly. "Please don't leave me."

“I'm not… I won't…” You say softly, sniffling and trying to wipe your eyes

Your words provided him with some relief, a weight lifted off his shoulders.

"Thank you,” he said softly, letting go to examine your expression. He reached up gently, wiping away the last traces of tears from your cheeks. "I promise I won't mess up like that again.”

"I'll do better," he added. "I'll prioritize you more and make sure we communicate better."

He kept his arms around you, still afraid to let go. He wanted to savor this moment of having you close after days of missing it so badly. You two stay like that for a while before you playfully pinch his side, “You owe me dinner.”

[osakanone]

Gatekeeping

I just got called a fake mecha fan for not knowing someone else's read of a show i haven't seen since 2012 because I don't know what the current head-canons are.

"You've only seen wfm/ac"

I got blocked before I could respond.

I wrote my design dissertation on the reaction of Japanese designers to Syd Mead's work on Turn A using Chocoate Shop HIGE FIX, using Mamoru Nagano's work on Brain Powered to establish Tomino's new direction on mechanical design and how out the other end we got King Gainer.

...I cited De:Vadasy, of all things, to contexturalize the difference between an Eva clone and the fact RahXephon *isn't* a clone because its riffing on Brave Raideen.

My first mecha show was Time Bokan in 1994.

Even in spite of that, my confidence still feels weirdly shaken.

It doesn't make any sense until I think about the emotional stuff.

Suddenly I'm a 14 year old kid again.

I got called annoying alot as a kid for my enthusiasm.

It doesn't feel very good.

I wish my brain wasn't like this.

e:

removed the name of the show from my post please do not hassle anybody over this, this is not a callout i made this post about my own emotions, and for no other purpose (hence why I used no media tags)

e:

having cooled off a the thing that upsets me the most is that i could have made a potential friend. i liked a few posts and even followed before i got blocked. i think that's what hurts the most. if you're out there somewhere and you read this, i don't think less of you. we all have shitty days and a tiny snapshot of a person is not representative of the whole. i hope you're doing okay.

[violetdisasterzone]

just read a fic that pissed me off so bad I muted the author. this is a first

[killjoy-prince]

House M.D. but it's when a character says the name of the episode

[thevalleyoftriumph]

[reupload] copycat

[hiemaldesirae]

too long has gone without me posting women. here we go more yuri radiostatic

reference for voxs dress under the cut

[the-bi-fangirl-biatch]

the entire season they've shown sylvie perpetually being okay to just walk away from the fray and getting no consequences whatsoever. which would be ok since she doesn't rlly care about them like loki does. but in the end she just moves on so fast after she watched loki isolate himself and go off JUST to fix her mistake.......

meanwhile mobius is there, frozen in that time, left behind by the person he's an "expert" on not only bc of his job but bc of their friendship, him quitting the job that was his entire life, because loki has left and his previous purpose didn't have loki anymore

it's just fucked up how everyone else got their happy endings (good for them) except for loki and mobius. they're apart, separated once again, looking miserable in their last shots. just like last season.

[somerandomcockroach]

@keferon OKAY BUT LISTEN YEAH I would loved if it was just fun ehehehe and sassy flirting with the demon no one sees pfffht, literally summoned a demon just to flirt with, and I guess it could have been going for a long time, just little strips with their funny adventures and then plot can go to the fact that he wants to give him a body and Shockwave would agree or that they just stay the way they are and just hang out like this together (Alo I remember that you wanted to put Ratchet (I keep writing Ratched instead of Ratchet buuuh) and Drift in it as another demon and their summoner thing whghweghgwe but I like how you made two separate stories for them that happen at the same time, okay I am actually PRETTY MUCH invested in this story, I like a lot how it goes and gets tangled and how mixes up with idw ideas and other stuff a lot)

BUT NOW that you changed it that way, you made a few more things that reader might be interested a lot in, like that promise he made and you mentioning that he will regret it, how their relationship progressively develops, plus the fact that Blurr was a frivolous slob gifted with dark magic AND how the tables turn upside dow and he get consequences for what he did in the most unpredictable way for him and how he surely changes in his behaviour, getting more and more concerned about his promise and maybe truly loving someone for the first time in his life and wanting to change something. And then figuring out that that same demon actually was a person before, someone he knew, someone respectable, kind, shiny, absolut sun of a person, who died (I am still on my knees waiting to know how exactly he died...) miserably to the point that he absolutely can't stand his life as a demon and NOT EVEN being able to kill himself!!! And Blurr was a pupil in his school, he saw him, he gifted him an ability to make his magic work for him, gave the freedom to live among everyone to all who was poisoned with this dark magic. OH WAITA HGSDHAG the thing that beastformers can't walk among transformers and the fact that dark spellers also could not, and how these events happen at a close times, OKAY so dark spellers got their kind of freedom thanks to Senator Shockwave (OH MY GOD what if Orion can see Shockwave and will recognise him right away COUGH) BUT I am wondering if beastformers will get some kind of an official declaration or some kind of school to be educated in and I wonder if Deadlock/Drift (I think after leaving he will change his name from the last episode...) will volunteer to be a teacher t be something more, or he will just end up with Ratchet wandering around the world, or maybe there will be a whole damn revolution where all monoformers and beastformers leaded by Drift go against the system, and maybe these events happen at the same time as a Senator Shockwave fighting for the rights of gifted... Okay I'm getting carried a little bit ahsghag excuse me... OH I GOT carried away A LOT I wanted to get back to the point that Blurr, now figuring out the past of Shocwave, dealing with all the events, dealing with what he has done and find a way to free them, at the same time STILL having adventures and fun since I'm sure he can be a good mood lifter to moody Shockwave and even see him in a really good mood since he is... well, not just a demon made of hatred but the wonderful kind of person in his previous life... (okay being carried away but what if Orion might declare the freedom to beastformers (AJHGAJHSDJAH OH MY GOD I IMAGINED JAZZ AS A PANDA HAVING A ROMAN WITH PROWL AND PROWL NOT KNOWING ABOUT IT OKAY SORRY) after seeing what it lead to after Senator Shockwave. And maybe Ratchet will be able to get his sign back freely after revolution will be successful or he will be forever blind just to be free and safe with his husband OKAY LISTEN I think it is obvious that I really like the thing you do....

[aquared]

ok here

my die troll concepr ughhhg punches wall

[wasongo]

GetBackers headshots since I finished rewatching the anime a bit ago with a friend. Some of these men were impossible to draw!! Had to redraw Akabane 3 times and I'm still not sure if I captured him well.

[dreamofcamelot]

Court sorcerers to their crown princesses am i right

[cattewife]

lmao i am DYING my best friend who i told about the fet the other month completely missed that it was a fetish for ME and thought i was doing niche work for a found community or smthing x,,,,D

so anyway we had to go into confession part TWO today where we gently (wayyyy more prepared and less panicky this time) had to be like "ok no this is my fetish, i'm not doing research into a kink to draw for it, i'm writing/drawing for ME because /I/ like it" >///o///<

[colorful-bees]

Putting on my shipping goggles for a quick sec but Jacq and Volo as a ship is genuinely interesting to me. And not even in the sense of like, "I want to see them together," more of just a general, "If the idea of romance was thrown into this, what would that look like?" Like, I can't actually imagine Volo and Jacq as a Thing. What I can imagine is Jacq having a little crush on Volo (I've seen their interactions with my own two eyeballs; I can totally see the way Jacq acts around Volo as someone who has a crush) and Volo, being himself, having a very interesting perspective about it.

It's pretty well established that Volo only views people as a means to an end and that he doesn't want to form genuine connections with people. He probably can't fathom the idea that someone would like him in that way without it being a trick. It's how he views friendship; it's how I imagine he would view someone having a crush on him as well.

Volo wouldn't even be flattered at Jacq's feelings, he would only see it as a ploy to get something out of him. The idea that someone would ever like him either platonically or romantically is foreign to him; it's all a matter of who can use who first. While Jacq is being wholly genuine about it, Volo would and could only ever look at it like Jacq wants something from him. He wouldn't know what but just by nature of how Volo thinks, that's the conclusion he would go to.

I don't even like the idea of them ending up together, that's just not where I see something like this going. I just need the unrequited little schoolboy crush from Jacq but the reason it's unrequited is because the guy he's crushing on doesn't know that humans can like each other as people just because they can.

[airborneice]

gonna just d r o p some extremely rough sketches here bc my sketchbook I’ve had on the go since 2020 is almost filled up and once it is I probably won’t go revisiting any of the sketches in it, so I may as well share some of them here

I’m incapable of shutting up abt my art so ramblings under the cut

1-3 - mattie sketches :) the last ones are recent and the 1st is one of the first drawings I did of her, back in 2021. idk I just think it’s important y’all know she’s been on her tide mouse shenanigans since the beginning

4 - I think I drew this back in last march and meant to move it to digital and clean it up there but things got busy and I never did :( they’re based on @randomwords247’s wonderful mermaid designs bc I love them

5 - unrelated to the last one, but while I was working on one of my little mermaid au drawings I tried to think how I’d approach the sequel if I got that far & ended up w. this. something something mermaids having human familiars being frowned upon

6 - I think. this is a drawing of @blaithnne’s pony!lauren that I never finished oops

7 - forgot I had this!! year before last me and @bubblekidaesthetics were planning to cosplay these two at comic con, and I got super hyped and doodled this. we did do this cosplay and it was awesome <3

8 - slightly more recent design stuff for freyja, still based on hilda-fanblog/rhombus’ design ofc but figuring out if I wanted my take on her to change anything like how many legs she has lol. also some pony!mountain king doodles on the next page

9-10- something something centaur au. somewhere in my notes app is a whole list of hilda chars and horse types/colours bc I started researching them and got so carried away. johanna’s supposed to be a bay and hilda was gonna be a shetland I think…? (the hilda one is a lot more recent and I think it shows lol). rip to dee who had to watch me talk abt this au so much and barely actually draw it

anyway tumblr won’t let me add any more pics which is probably a good thing 🤷‍♀️ I hope literally everyone feels better as an artist for seeing what an absolute mess my drawings start out as 😌 now I gotta buy a new sketchbook