#WHY IS SHE THE WORST PERSON ON THE PLANET

[lyrisnightblood]

Dear "lovely" "canon Jiang Cheng Stans",

I see what you're doing here. I can see y'all talk about "book meta" and "writing Jiang Cheng as canonically accurate" and you know what?

Y'all are doing a fantastic job, keep it up 😍🎉

Yeah really! I mean it!

Y'all are doing a fantastic job showcasing just how utterly pathetic y'all are, how chronically online y'all are, and most importantly, y'all are doing a marvellous job showcasing your hate boner for a fictional character you claim to hate and is an "antagonist".

Keep up the lovely work y'all, show the world how you lack an ounce of reading comprehension, you booktok obsessed peeps!

And while you're at it, let me go spittin' facts, straight from the book.

Jiang Yanli is dead. End of the story. You can fantasize to your heart's content about how "she'll react to JC raising her son" and get your pants in a twist about all the bad things she'll supposedly say, but that's just it. You can only imagine it.

You know why?

Hmm idk cos she's fucking dead and no one knows what the dead wants?

This is exactly like "Don't do this your mother wouldn't have wanted this of you" "don't talk like you know my mother she's dead and i don't know what she wanted cos she's dead"

Well

I should've expected such callous behaviour from antis 🤷

Admit it, y'all wanted Wei Wuxian to raise Jin Ling huh? C'mon, don't be shy🥰 you can say that

Except your fave never could've raised Jin Ling cos 1) as if the Jin Sect would let their Sect heir be raised by the jianghu's most wanted person (Gasp, "wEi wUxIaN sLaNdEr" love check your books even wwx acknowledges that fact lolll) and 2) how tf could a dead man, no less a man who's soul got ripped into shards, take care of a baby?

"but Jin Guangyao was a better parental figure, and an actual parent"

Yeah, a parent who killed his own child cos he was worried about his reputation (I can already smell y'all coming at me to defend him like chill, I only said the truth, and yes, man was more worried about people knowing he married his sister and losing position than the life of his own son, just because he loved Rusong didn't change the fact that he was ready to go to the extreme). Not to mention how Jin Guangyao held a string to his own nephew's neck and threatened to kill him to save his skin while it was Jiang Cheng who begged him to let Jin Ling go

Betcha Jiang Yanli's ghost is watching the scene while sipping tea and praising Jin Guangyao huh

"but one of Jin Zixuan's cousin-"

Jin Zixun is dead. And is a truly despicable person. Or did you forget how he insulted Wei Wuxian left and right?

Oh wait. Of course you forgot, "criticizing" Jiang Cheng takes precedence! My bad, i should've known!

Let me stop y'all before you say "Jin Guangshan". You must be the utterly worst person in the planet to want a known womanizer and child abuser and rapist to raise a child. IDC Jin Guangshan is related to Jin Ling. Y'all just want a known abuser and sexual predator to raise Jin Ling just say you don't give two cents about the poor boy except when you want to hate on Jiang Cheng 🙄

"what about Jin Furen"

Yeah what about her? Or did you forget how she canonically had a role to play in Jin Ling's upbringing?

Who do you think is responsible for Jin Ling spending half a year in Lotus Pier? Certainly not Jin Guangyao!

If there was one person in the Jin Sect who could have enough sway to ensure that her own grandson is spending a significant amount of time in another sect, it's Jin Furen.

Three guesses why she did that?

Lol you actually thought I'd wait for your guess? LMFAOOOOO you're so cute 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

She did that because Jin Furen cared for A-Li and - wait for it - A-Cheng!!!

Reread the books if you missed it, mmkay?

She was fond of Yu Ziyuan, and by extension her children, and post-SSC, she offered to support both of them on multiple occasions (which they declined because any political support from Jin Sect would've come with strings attached cos JGS😑)

Establishing the fact that Jin Furen cared for Jiang Cheng, she had agreed to Jin Ling spending half his time in Lotus Pier because she sensed that he was all Jiang Cheng had left, and vice versa.

Y'all also have utterly forgotten about the cruel way Jin Ling's paternal cousins have bullied him for being an orphan. Like, Koi Tower is supposed to be his home, and he was bullied to the point where Lotus Pier became his sanctuary.

"AHA! GOTCHA! QIN SU SHOULD'VE RAISED HIM!"

Laughing My Fricking Ass Off TM

My man Qin Su was RIGHT THERE! No one was stopping her from raising Jin Ling! She could've been the maternal figure Jin Ling needed! And no one would have questioned it, it was actually expected for that timeline.

Except.... Did she? Did she do anything to make Jin Ling feel loved? Has Jin Ling ever talked about his aunt the same way he talks about his uncles? Apart from the respect that he gives to her as his paternal uncle's wife, does Jin Ling refer to her fondly? Even once?

"Alright, your point?"

Why thank you for asking 💗😌

My point is that Jiang Cheng is canonically the best guardian for Jin Ling, and this conclusion comes AFTER analysing every other candidate.

And you know what?

I am absolutely right🎉💗🌸😻

Evidence?

Exhibit A: Jiang Cheng accompanying Jin Ling's nighthunt to look out for him but also keeps himself at a distance so that Jin Ling actually participates in the nighthunt

Exhibit B: Letting Fairy enter Lotus Pier despite the strict dog ban (which he had adhered to even after wwx died)

Exhibit C: Jin Ling never once flinches or looks scared when Jiang Cheng shows his temper and says "I'll break your legs", he knows his jiujiu is all bark but would never hurt him

Exhibit D: "how dare you hit me? Even my jiujiu had never hit me!" - Jin Ling to Wei Wuxian (who btw oh so casually hits Jin Ling as if it's a normal thing to hit a child💀)

Exhibit E: "A-Ling! Who made you cry?" - Jiang Cheng when he saw a crying Jin Ling. No admonishment. No Judgement. And certainly no anger directed at Jin Ling.

Exhibit F: Jin Ling being unafraid to cry in front of his jiujiu, he knows he won't be judged.

Exhibit G: Jiang Cheng saving Jin Ling on multiple occasions.

Exhibit H: Jiang Cheng begging Jin Guangyao to take him hostage and release Jin Ling, without hesitation, despite his spiritual energy being locked and being stabbed in the chest.

I could go on and on and on but unlike you lovely people who have no hobby other than slandering Jiang Cheng, I have TONS.

And also a life.

So, go fantasize about your Jiang Cheng hate boner elsewhere. I see your pathetic attempt at taking over the Canon Jiang Cheng tag and it ain't working.

Ciao 🤟

[lottieshauna]

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

i AM a violent dog i DO know why i bite

[twipsai]

while im sharing my ahit hot takes, i also wanna add that i think ppl give Mu a little too much slack

like yeah, she IS a child, she WAS traumatized and had her home essentially colonized for no reason. its implied her family was killed and she spend at least a solid year completely alone, homeless, and scared

but like she also used time pieces to reverse the world 4 billion years back and killed everyone she thought was "bad" based on a short description they gave of their own life (if they were lucky enough to even get to the throne room and not die from the lava inside the castle). ppl act like the entire cast were horrible people for telling her to go away when she literally destroyed the earth???? like no one in ahit is a good person guys theyre all assholes lmao

[musical-chick-13]

.

[weirdmageddon]

i love these tags this person is so right

actually, can you imagine if dave was raised by B1 roxy?

i wanna get into this actually

(ok i had to spend a few hours rewriting this because IT DIDNT FUCKING SAVE AFTER FIVE HOURS OF WRITING WHEN MY COMPUTER UPDATED WHILE I WAS AFK so it would mean a lot to show this post some appreciation. i LOVEEE hearing what other people have to say)

even though these things mom does are presented in an extravagant, kitsch, jokey way, her intentions always came from a place of sincerity. she is simply Funnie

but rose reads too far into it and assumes things that aren't there, that her mother is passive-aggressively feigning interest in rose's interests simply because the things she does are so extra. "why do all of this if not to mock me"

im telling you right now if dave lived in this household he wouldn't assume antagonism, he'd go,

don’t forget who LITERALLY patented tangible jpeg artifacts as their post-scratch adult self and scattered shitty scummed up statue of liberties all over the planet. theres no way some of that overboard artful shit wasnt post-ironic / circling back around to genuine funny sincerity

dave's natural state is funny sincerity like roxy. he's had the natural capacity for this type of humor from the start and this is the direction he goes towards when he grows out of his brother's shadow by the end of the comic. dave and roxy share an earnest “so bad its good” type of humor

(lots more under the cut; the length of this meta analysis just got unwieldly with all the pictures and whatnot)

despite the alcoholism, roxy is a supportive mother. she's not the ideal guardian but hells of a lot more supportive of her kid than bro is. if she knew dave's interests she would totally indulge in them with some over the top silly goofy haha shit as a genuine gesture simply because she loves him

rose isn't too keen on it though. but she is more similar to dirk in her natural state of thinking of overthinking shit and assuming the worst, like the tags said

and yes dave got the sweet cuddly yet sometimes backhanded ouppy gene from roxy, probably even moreso lol

roxy's even said rose "sounds like girl dirk"

side tangent here, but this is something i wanna talk about.

i dont think bro should ever be in custody of children ever but if theres anyone who would be up to the task it's rose probably. i know she'd be able to keep up with him. not only does she have a defined personality (dave is more malleable and absorbs his environment like a sponge), if anyone can pick apart B1 dirk's batshit brain and probably be right on the money it's her. lil cal has been pumping patriarchal nonsense into bro's head and rose would be able to bring the fucking facts to the table without losing her own and being a living example of a badass little girl. i also don't think bro would try to force masculine roles onto rose like he did with dave, seeing as she is a girl, so she would actually have more of a leg up and get some passes that dave was never afforded. and rose wouldn't stand idly and accept any bullshit; she is no doormat. and i think this would earn bro's respect

but anyway, from this, couldn't we conclude roxy "sounds like girl dave"?

yeah okay. we havent even gotten into their penchant for funny typos or misspeaks, deliberate or otherwise

so, dave's environment

the sentiment "god you hope you can be as good as your bro at this some day" might have been genuine at the time when he idolized bro but of course he's not able to express that in any sort of sincere fashion because he's in dirk's fucking household. and this level 10 irony shit isnt doing dave any favors

his role models were the Internet and a vague idea of what Bro was like. So he built up his facade based on irony–not the literary definition of irony, as Rose might be quick to point out, but a popular concept of irony based on the idea that things that didn’t make sense actually made sense in some roundabout way. As a master of irony, Dave probably reasoned, he could see in a way other people couldn’t why a world that was scary and didn’t make sense really did make sense, and could therefore convince those people that he was superior to them. And he would wield his knowledge to maintain the appearance of superiority by calling everything ironic and pretending he didn’t care about things that didn’t make sense, and he would use walls of vaguely rhyming words to keep everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t discover his insecurities (source)

roxy's style is the embodiment of post-irony. being raised by mom lalonde would be like being raised by joel vinesauce ok

what can i say ….. (getting meta about this actually, hussie got these jpeg wizard wallpapers from a spyware website. link takes some time to load because internet archive)

rose is quick to read post-irony as actually being a joke/insincere, which in bro's case would be true. but i believe dave's natural instinct, outside of the influence of bro, is to read post-irony as genuine, which is exactly how mom serves it. we see this as early as act 3 from him; he understands her motives better than rose does herself:

and in act 6 intermission 2 i think it's pretty clear

but the thing is, it's always genuine from her. dave wouldn't have to second guess it because he's not one to naturally second guess someone's sincerity; that was learned due to his bro being virtually unassailable

there two types of ironies at play here:

seems like a joke, is actually genuine (roxy)

doesnt seem like a joke, is actually a joke (dirk)

you can make the argument that the second is is more psychologically destructive because it makes you question the reality of what is genuine sentiment and what isn't. dave never knew what was genuine and what was irony so he just sort of existed in this sincerity-ironic limbo and always did the opposite of what he genuinely felt on principle even if it always did originate from a genuine place.

"it just a joke bro i was just being ironic i dont actually x" is so much more trust-breaking and psychologically damaging than "wait are you being serious" / "i am being so fucking fr rn davy gravy" / "ok thats actually pretty fucking awesome. giant ass wizard statue" / "RIGHT"

how much about dave would change do you think? his character arc would be completely different for one thing, i think he'd have it good aside from mom's alcohol issues. he'd be left with the sweet and funny parts of him that we see at the end of the comic. the fake coolguy stuff is out, but this remains. this is dave in his element and we see it as early as act 1

he'd probably have no shades growing up in the lalonde residence* either cause those were given to him by bro straight out of the crater as an extension of his own cool image. and john gave dave ben stiller’s aviators for his 13th birthday to replace them so he could “spread his wings”

dave said he was wearing them for the ironies but i kind of doubt it. maybe post-irony but there was some reacharound to it being genuine because dave never put those pointy anime shades on his face again.

*though... it’s kind of hard to imagine him without his shades at all? B2 dave still got stiller’s shades from stiller himself so maybe getting them is a universal constant. i can imagine mom getting him them as a birthday gift cause shes pretty wealthy and probably could buy it out in an auction. but also itd be cool if john still gave him it as a gift

dave is actually a lot more genuine and easy to read than he lets on even when grappling with his upbringing with B1 dirk (again, see this post). this can be seen all throughout he comic but a good example is the evolution of thoughts about his interest in the preserved dead things in his room:

if B1 roxy was dave's guardian he probably WOULD have pursued paleontology because she wouldve indulged him in it and probably find it cool and worthwhile to pursue, instead of allowing dave to flounder under ironic detachment, being poisoned by irony to the point of gaslighting himself into believing he doesnt actually believe he thinks this shit is cool. even if it was indulged in this such a way; a superficially kitsch and ironic appearing presentation, it comes from a genuine place and inspires genuine interest. just read the comments.

basically, i think if B1 roxy raised dave, their relationship would have a surface level appearance of being bizarre or over-the-top but they’d have an unsaid mutual understanding that it’s completely in earnest and just build on each other's funny and absurd gestures of affection. rather than seeing it as one-upping each other, it'd more like collaboration of some silly bullshit that you take a step back and look at full and just say, "fucking incredible"

speaking of paleontology, mom had the proto-ectobiology lab. maybe they'd be able to use the equipment to appearify paradox ghost imprints of the dead shit to create paradox clones of things from the cambrian era??? sounds like a fun mother son bonding activity. and theyd actually put the sciencey shit in the household to use

oh god i know exactly the kinds of music shed listen too also growing up as a teen in the 80s. she on that (post)-punk/art rock/new wave/new romantic mtv stuff. XTC shit fr. this is a B-52S HOUSEHOLD. maybe the associates for the campy melodramatic flair. so he gets to keep the record on his shirt cause he is an enjoyer of the shit in her vinyl collection. dave would still gravitate towards musical expression and music itself but of more variety outside of just rap, with an 80s-90s, even 70s flavor due to mom’s influence. see this for perhaps a glimpse. ​she probably visited new york city a lot for business trips and because the music scene was cool as hell around that time, imports came straight from jfk airport, she probably got in on that a bit and have remnants in the form of vinyls and cassettes. in this way she could be distributing void to dave (influencing him with forgotten / presently irrelevant music). now he can REALLY rave about bands none of his friends have heard of. “hey davy grvay watcha listenin to” (he holds up vinyl cover) “omg snakefinger”

btw dave lalonde would look like this to me

[d4rkpluto]

ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴏʙꜱᴇʀᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ ᴛᴡᴏ

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these are observations i've made due to people i've been around and celebrity charts i have looked at x

♇ scorpio placements like to be praised for everything they've done.

♇ online personalities who have really loud personas usually have a sag placements, ex berleezy, trap celeb, oli london, ekane etc...

♇ during a solar return chart having a stellium or more than 4+ planets in your 1h means you will REALLY be in your head, might face a lot of mental challenges.

♇ people with beneficial planets in their 9h ex jupiter or venus, specifically, usually do okay within in education, like no matter how back they are, they always pass

♇ pisces placements can RAMBLE and talk for a long time without actually saying anything.

♇ pisces mars men, the worst. the ones i've come across usually don't know what they want. but pisces mars women >>>

♇ aries degrees, specifically the 13th degree could insinuate you could be the first person to do something. janice dickson has the 25th degree and she is known as the first supermodel, beverly johnson has the 1st degree and is known as the first black supermodel, eva is the first black woman to win america's next top model and she has the 13th degree.

♇ sagittarius placements... laughing and smiling for no reason...

♇ leo moons and having hair that grows fast. for example, my brother and my nephew are both leo moons and they can cut their hair and a month later it grows back to their shoulders. i believe this could apply to 5H moons.

♇ those who have their 12h ruler conj or positively aspect their moon do become famous, [moon rules over audience] ariana grande has moon conj venus and megan has moon conj mars. if there's a negative aspect, it is still a fame indicator, but they would like get their fame after, for example chapelle roan who has moon square mercury.

♇ a lot of cancer asc men are insecure. the ones i know pity themselves so much too.

♇ much sag sun women like to dance, could be sag in big 6 + jupiter as well

♇ a fixed sign specifically scorpio in the 11h is a strong indicator of having a big online platform. but the one that is stronger than that is having moon in the 11h, most people that have this placement or even cancer in the 11h told me that they have a big platform.

♇ people with saturn or lilith in the 7h might be put into uncomfortable situations with their friend and their friends s/o, like their s/o might always likes them.

♇ uranus in 3h people might like to make up languages? or learn new ones

♇ your jupiter persona chart can talk to you about your future spouse as jupiter is the main planet to look at when it comes to your wife/husband.

♇ nara smith has jupiter in cancer and her spouse is very domestic and traditional, he even helped her give birth to their newest child, whimsy lou.

♇ dove cameron has a gemini ascendant with the 12th degree [pisces degree] probably why people say she has so many faces, she also has a heavy 8h which points to she got many procedures, khloe kardashian has a gemini moon and is also said to have many faces, also have pluto in the 8h.

♇ scorpio placements really dont like it when you enter their room all the time.

♇ a lot of dhanistha moon women have upturned eyes, or like to wear eyelashes that give them that look.

♇ people who have moon in the 11h do friend-crush a lot.

♇ aries venuses are the type to hate the people they crush on, their feelings can be quick changing but it is still intense!

♇ the reason some virgo and cancer ascendants are normally confused with each other is because they both have cat faces.

♇ its funny that when jupiter in taurus was at its peak which is the 29th degree, chef-influencers became more known on social media.

♇ people with a strong sag+virgo combination could be obsessed with perfecting their future

♇ people with scorpio/aries in their chart are likely to become alcoholics.

♇ saturn in cancer natives are likely to be less submissive to men.

♇ people with moon in the 11h or have cancer in their 11h tend to have big followers online [can work if the ruler of your 11h is in cancer]

♇ the "rumours" are true, aries venuses do get disinterested pretty quickly.

♇ the 6H in astrology can tell you what kind of skills you have, for example, if you have a venusian ruled 6H [Libra, Taurus, Venus in 6H], you could be talented a makeup, fashion etc.

+ the kalogeras sisters have leo/sun influence in their chart and they're known for their curly hair, [leo rules the mane].

pluto

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[cazshmere]

Synastry Observations Pt.2

materialist🔖

DISCLAIMER: These are just my personal observations and are meant for entertainment purposes only; it may not resonate with everyone due to the nuances of astrology. Please respect my work and avoid copying or stealing it. Enjoy reading!! 🍊⭐️

🍊 Mars in the 12th house synastry has got to be one of the worst things 😭. It’s confusing and exhausting. The Mars person seems to harbour some sort of irrational animosity towards the house person in a very passive-aggressive way. The house person can sense this too, but they are unsure if they’re making it up or not. Also, it’s such a blockage; you could be really close to each other and know of each other, but the conversation WOULD TAKE AGES to start because neither the house person nor the Mars person wants to initiate conversation. It’s like there’s an invisible barrier between you guys 🥲

🍊 Venus in the 8th house/ in Scorpio’s first romantic relationship or situation always ends up hurting them. I’ve seen this countless times where their first experience with romance either ends in heartbreak, unrequited love, or just a missed opportunity. This heartbreak helps these individuals immensely transform, and they might prefer to isolate themselves from anything romance-related for a long period of time. Honestly I think this is a canon event for every Scorpio/8th house Venus that I’ve met, including me lmao and especially if there are Venus-Saturn hard aspects, dear lord, sending love to all my scorp/8th house placements fr🫶🏻🥲❤️‍🩹

🍊 Something I’ve observed with Libra placements, especially the moon, is that when they’re in a relationship, it becomes the focal point of their life. They might go as far as changing career paths to be closer to their partner, altering their style to match their partner’s preferences, or adjusting their personality to be more appealing to their partner (yes I’m sure most of us do this to some extent but it’s a bit excessive for these peeps😭). Their relationship becomes such a central part of their identity that if anything goes wrong, it can feel devastating for them. For instance, I have a friend who is a Libra moon, and she always refers to her partner as “my boyfriend” instead of his name, even though we all know him personally, like gurl come on he’s got a name haha😭

🍊 Moon in the 12th house synastry can equate to the house person opening up to the moon person or just feeling extremely vulnerable around them. They’d share things with the moon person that they dare not share with anyone else. This synastry could also mean staying up late in the night and throwing your sleep away just to talk to each other 🧿

🍊 12th house synastry could also have undertones of enemies-to-lovers (the lovers part only if you ever get together, that is) because there’s this energy where you don’t know why the other person acts hostile/passive-aggressive towards you, ignores you, or sends you mixed signals that makes you dislike them but at the same time, you can’t stop fantasizing/dreaming about them in all these romantic scenarios or them showing up in your dreams outta nowhere like??😭

🍊 7th/8th and even 10th (to some extent) house synastry could indicate that one of the two, either the house person or the planet person (mostly the house person), copies the other, be it mannerisms, clothes, slang, or even certain traits of the other’s personality 💀. It’s because they notice how much attention or admiration the planet person garners, so to obtain that same kind of attention and recognition the house person might try to emulate the planet person 🫤

🍊 7th house Mars synastry can be very annoying and tiresome (especially for the house person). The Mars person could be a bit too much for the house person. The Mars person could get very petty and passive-aggressive towards the house person for no reason (this could go vice versa too). Yes there is sexual attraction and y’all could motivate/support each other through stuff but at the same time it’s draining asf, a big no no for me when it comes to synastry 🥲

🍊 Moon square Saturn synastry can cause delays when it comes to emotional attachment between two people, but once these two finally connect, it’s ride or die typa relationship fr 🥺🫂

🍊 Moon/Mercury in the 1st/5th/9th house synastry is very exciting and fun-loving, with lots of playful teasing and bantering with each other 😋🥰

🍊Moon /Mercury in the 2nd/4th/8th/10th/12th house synastry makes both parties very sensitive to each other’s words because these houses reflect our self esteem/self worth, the deepest parts of ourselves, our core, our reputation etc. A little bit of critique can also be taken personally by either party. Even harmless jokes could be taken in the wrong way and arguments could occur (especially if there isn’t 3rd/5th/9th/11th house synastry or any easy aspects in the synastry chart)

🍊 When someone's planets fall in your 8th house, they intuitively sense your true and deep needs related to that planet. For example, if someone's Venus is in your 8th house, they will know how to love you in a way that makes you feel unconditionally loved and appreciated. If their Mercury is in your 8th house, they will understand how to communicate with you on a profound level, meeting your need for deep and meaningful conversation. If their Mars is in your 8th house, they will instinctively know how to meet your sexual needs and desires and please you in bed🖤❤️‍🔥

© cazshmere 2024 [All Rights Reserved]

banner credits : @anitalenia <3

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Monster (Homelander)

Description: Y/N and Homelander are soulmates

Warning: Smut

Word Count: 3,540k

They made eye contact for the first time and the colors started appearing for them both. Homelander waited his entire life for this moment and he couldn’t believe that his soulmate was his enemy. Y/N stared at him with a look of horror as she realized that the worst guy on the planet was her soulmate.

The others weren’t around luckily just them. They weren’t even in a fight she was spying on him at a rally that he was part of for Victoria. Y/N looked around at all the different colors of the universe that she could see and though she was amazed she was scared of who caused her to see these things. Homelander didn’t stop staring at her as he saw her look around. His stare wasn’t an evil one anymore. It was a curious one and a look of shock. Y/N saw that his eyes hadn't left her so she left. 

She couldn’t tell a single soul about what she discovered. Not even her best friends who hated Homelander. The Boys was a group that was basically created to kill the man. And Y/N was all for it but she couldn’t believe that the guy she was supposed to kill was her soulmate. Y/N was in shock but hid it really well from the group. “So what did you see?” MM asked her as they ate lunch. Colors she thought but couldn’t say that.

“He was just there at the rally. They must be working together.” She left before she could get the real information but if MM knew then she was sure he would understand but she couldn’t tell anyone. Starlight came in moments later and smiled at Y/N. Starlight was going through it and Y/N felt for her a lot. But right now Y/N had her own issue to worry about. 

Y/N had her own place but she wasn’t sure if she was comfortable sleeping there right now. Homelander would certainly find her especially after that. But maybe he would hate her as she hates him and not. She should have trusted her judgment because he did in fact find out where she lived. “What the fuck are you doing here?” She asked with hatred. “You know why I’m here.” He says and looks around. “Yeah well maybe we should let it go.” He chuckled.

Ugh why did his chuckle make her feel funny. “Yeah right. That’s not gonna happen.” He said. She stared at him and shook her head, “It needs to.” She was right. They needed to ignore the fact that they were soulmates but that wasn’t easy. “I get it. You’re with Billy and you want me dead but doesn’t this change that?” Why did he want that to change? He should still hate her no matter what. “No.” She said and went to shut the door in his face but his foot stopped it. She groaned and opened the door. “What they don’t know can't hurt them.” he said. 

She hated herself so much for the past few weeks. She was fucking the enemy and not just fucking him but falling in love with him. He was a monster and yet she still managed to see the good in him. Nobody knew what they were doing as he dressed in casual clothes to see her. When he was out and about in his uniform he was a different person. But in her home as he held her as she cuddled into his chest he was her soulmate and a damn good one too. “Ryan he uh he hates me.” He told her as they cuddled. Yeah I wonder why she thought but fought against saying that. “Why?” She asked, looking up at him. “I give him everything but yet he still cares for Butcher.” Hearing his name caused Y/N to mentally freak out. Billy would kill her if he knew what was going on.

“Billy cares about him.” She said. “Yeah but he’s about to die.” Y/N rolled her eyes at his words. That was shitty but she wasn’t surprised. She knew what Billy wanted and she was going to try to keep that promise she made to him. “Ryan’s a sweet kid.” She says and sits up. “Yeah but he needs to realize that we are stronger than humans and we matter and that Billy is just a dying vessel.” She looked at him with a glare. “Is that how you view me?” She asked. 

Homelander would never spend the night at her place as it was too risky in case someone shows up at her house. That barely happened but the last thing Y/N wants is for the world to know that she was with him. They haven’t labeled anything yet and Y/N didn’t want to. She was ashamed and embarrassed so she never wanted to put a name to anything. Y/N watched on her computer screen as FireCracker talked about how bad of a person Starlight was. It made her very mad because Annie was not a bad person unlike the Seven.

This new bitch was also obsessed with Homelander which Y/N hated but would never admit it. Homelander told her all about it and how he finds it weird. Y/N agreed with him but for different reasons. How could someone be obsessed with him? He was terrible. Y/N was with Annie when she decided to almost kill FireCracker. Though she couldn’t blame her. The difference is Y/N would have killed her. But Y/N didn’t have powers so she was useless. That night Homelander came to her house in his suit covered in blood. She gasped at the sight and let him in making sure nobody saw.

“What the hell happened?” She asked as she turned on her shower. He told her all about it and some tears were shed. She had never seen this man cry before and it broke her heart. His childhood was terrible and it made sense why he was the way he was. “Well for once I think you did the right thing.” She told him as she washed the blood off him. She agreed that they deserved to die. “You think I did the right thing?” He asked. She nodded. That made him smile a little but she saw. “That’s the only right thing I think you’ve done.” She said and his smile fell. He almost forgot that they were on two different sides. “Do you agree with what Billy does?” He asked her. “Some of it.” She said. Billy had a right but she did think that there were times that he went too far. “Why did you join him?” He asked her.

She set down the rag and sighed, “Men like you are the reason. I understand Billy.” She said. He raised his eyebrows. The woman certainly wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. “Why?” “You raped his wife and caused him hell. If you don’t see why he does what he does then you need to open your eyes.” She said. “Well you certainly love to speak your mind.” He groaned. “Yup and if you don’t like it then leave.” “Can we not talk about what I've done? I have my reason too.” She rolled her eyes and left him in her bathroom. He got up to follow her. “Why are you walking away from me?” “You aren’t a victim to Billy. What you did was wrong and Billy has a right to kill you.” She said.

“Do you want him to kill me?” He asked and she turned towards him. “You don’t want my honest answer.” He felt his heart break of course she didn’t care if he died or not. “Well he’s never going to.” He growled. She ignored him and opened the door for him. “I’m sorry those people did terrible things to you but that doesn’t excuse what you did and are doing.” She said and motioned for him to leave her home. 

FireCracker was annoyed that Homelander wasn’t interested in her. She did everything for him and he just rolled his eyes anytime she was near him. She wanted to get to the bottom of it so she decided to stalk him. She knew he didn’t have a girlfriend or at least she didn’t think. But when she followed him to some random girl’s house she was met with a shocking truth. The girl looked familiar but she couldn’t figure out where from. She wasn’t a supe which was surprising because no ordinary woman deserved him.

She groaned as she saw the smile on his face as the woman let him in her house. The house was nice and she waited for them to go inside before investigating. Y/N sat on Homelander’s lap as she made out with him. His hands were placed on her hips and her hands placed on his chest. She’d never say this outloud but he was an amazing kisser. She pushed all her hateful thoughts towards him in the back of her mind. Her window was open but she nor Homelander heard FireCracker see them as they made out.

Homelander removed her shirt and threw it somewhere in the living room. FireCracker felt jealousy and she took a few pictures of them. She was going to find out who this was. Y/N pulled on his shirt signaling him to take it off. He did and she stared at his chest. She hated how hot he was. He smirked and pulled down her panties causing her to gasp as the cool air hit her wet pussy. “If you hate me so much how come you’re all wet for me?” He teased as he ran his fingers up her lips. She gasped at the feeling and he chuckled. “You’re so pretty.” He said and pulled her to her feet. She looked down at him as she was standing on her couch. He smirked and pulled her so her dripping pussy was in front of his face. He sniffed her and she nearly moaned at the sight. He pulled closer and licked her clit causing her to moan and grab his hair. He loved when she did that. Her other hand was placed on the couch to balance her as he ate her out.

His tongue felt like heaven and she enjoyed every second of him doing this to her. His hands were on her hips as he licked and sucked on her. Her moans were loud and pornographic. His name fell from her lips multiple times. Not Homelander but John. He hummed against her causing her to whine. Her high was close and he could feel it. “Cum all over my face love.” He said. She whined as she did. Her juices coating his face as her hips humped his face, riding out the pleasure. It was these moments that she couldn’t bring herself to care about who he was. He let her ride out her climax and ate up all her slick. She pulled away from sensitivity and looked down at him. His face was covered in her orgasm making her moan. She sat down on his lap with shaky legs. She cupped his face and kissed him tasting her juices on his lips and tongue. She licked the rest off his mouth. “I love you.” He whispered causing her eyes to widen. 

The pictures of them were posted to the internet the day after causing it to trend that Homelander had a girlfriend. Y/N was unaware of the pics as she walked in to where The Boys met up and was faced with disapproving looks. She gave them a confused look and Kumiko pointed to the TV. She looked at gasped at the pictures. They were of her and Homelander at her place. She looked at the others who didn’t look pleased. “Get the fuck out.” MM growled. “Can I explain?” She asked. “What’s there to explain you fucking the enemy?” He asked. She looked down at the ground.

“It’s not what you think.” She whispered. “Whatever it is I don’t care get the fuck out.” He said. Without a word she left the building with tears in her eyes. She knew she should have told them then and there what it was but she couldn’t. She was so mad that it got exposed and wanted to know how but instead she drove to the Vought building. Tears streaming down her face she got out of the car and made it into the building. Weird looks were given to her but she didn’t care. She was mad and she had a feeling Homelander set her up. She entered the elevator and hit a number hoping that she hit the right one. Luckily she did and walked out of the elevator The Deep saw her and smirked.

“What’s a hot thing like you doing here?” He flirted. Ugh she wanted to puke. “Where’s Homelander?” She asked ignoring him. “You’re the girl he’s seeing… he’s in there.” He pointed to the meeting room and she stormed in there. Homelander turned around at the noise and almost smiled at the sight of her until she slapped him. “You dickhead!” She yelled. “Ow what was that for?” He asked, rubbing his face. “You really thought that I wouldn’t find out?” “Find out what?” “That you leaked those pictures!” “What pictures?” He asked. She laughed. “You are such a piece of shit! I can’t believe I was almost in love with you!” She yelled at him. His face softened at her words, “You love me?” He asked. “No, why would I? You’re an awful human being. I hate that you’re my soulmate and I wish Billy would kill you!” She yelled. His face dropped at her words.

“Now the world knows about us all because you and your fucking ego!” She yelled. “I didn’t leak any pictures of us you bitch!” He growled and grabbed her by her throat. He left her up like she was nothing and she began choking. “I have done nothing but be nice to you and this is how you treat me?” He asked, watching her struggle. She couldn’t say anything and he chuckled. He threw her to the ground and watched as she gasped for air. “You really think I'm happy that my soulmate is a pathetic, no good human like you?” He asked. She stared up at him with hatred in her eyes. “You are nothing to me. You are below me and not worthy of me.” He screamed at her. Her face didn’t change and she stood up. “You’re a monster.” She said and left. He watched her leave and pulled out his phone.

What pictures is she talking about? His name was trending but when was it not? Though the same pictures of him and her were trending and he didn’t understand how and why did she think he was behind this? The pictures were of them kissing and it showed both of their faces pretty well. There was no doubt that The Boys knew about it and probably kicked her out. He tried to find the source of the pictures but it was posted anonymously. He needed to find out who did this. 

Y/N laid in her bed and cried for hours. She knew that it was a big mistake and she shouldn’t have let him into her home at all. He was a monster that she almost fell for. She hated herself and knew that her life was over and nothing good was to come. She had to get up and go get her things from MM. She wiped her eyes that were now sore from crying. She tried to make herself look like she wasn’t a hot mess and left her house. She pulled up to the building and sighed. She wasn’t sure she could do this but she had to.

She walked into the place with her head down. “I thought I told you to get the fuck out.” MM said to her. “I need to grab my things.” She said without looking at any of them. She packed up her things and felt eyes on her. She looked up and everyone was looking at her. “Why?” Frenchie asked. “Why do that?” She felt tears in her eyes again and she stopped packing. “The day of the rally that I went to and had to spy on him. We made eye contact and it was the first time I've ever made eye contact with him.

The world was no longer black and white for me.” She said. Annie covered her mouth and Hughie’s jaw dropped. “He’s your soulmate?” Annie asked and Y/N nodded now sobbing. Kumiko walked up and hugged her. She hugged her back and sobbed even harder. MM looked at her and sighed, “Why didn’t you tell us this?” “I couldn’t. I couldn’t let you guys hate me because of this.” “We don’t hate you.” Hughie said and Annie nodded. “He’s a monster and I hate myself for it everyday. He leaked those pictures. It’s like he planned this.” “He didn’t leak those pictures.” Hughie said.

She looked at him, “FireCracker did.” Her jaw dropped. “How do you know this?” She asked. “Well we wanted to know who leaked them and we traced the IP address and FireCracker did it.” Frenchie said. She couldn’t believe that she actually thought Homelander did that. She picked up her box of things and started walking to the door, “Thank you guys for everything. I’m sorry that all this happened and for what it’s worth. I want him to die.” She said. “Wait.” MM said. “I don’t really want you to leave.” She looked at him confused. “You’re family Y/N and this whole soulmate thing could help us.” She raised her eyebrow at his words.

Homelander glared daggers at FireCracker. He wasn’t a dumbass, he knew she did it and he wanted to laser her from where she stood. He hated what he said to Y/N and hated that she thought of him as a monster. Though a part of him knew it was true he still didn’t like the thought. He truly loved her and he knew she felt the same way about him but she tried to deny it. He had to fix things between them and if she truly wanted nothing to do with him. He would let her go. 

She sat on her couch as the memory of what they said to each other played in her head. She knew that she shouldn’t feel this way about him and that it was wrong but there’s a reason that he’s her soulmate. She was in love with him, she was in love with a monster and the more she tried to deny it the worse things got. A knock on her door ripped her from the memory and she got up. She opened the door and there he stood in the pouring rain. Her eyes widened and she expected him to laser her head off after what she said but he didn’t. “I didn’t release those pictures. It was FireCracker. I know you hate me and never want me to be in your life but I love you Y/N. I truly love you and I want more with you. You’re my soulmate for crying out loud. We are bound to be together. But if you truly hate me and think those things about me then tell me now and I will fly away from her and you won’t see me again. I’m willing to let you go if it means that you can be happy again.” She stared up at him as he told her that.

He looked like he meant every word. The rain poured on them as they stared at each other. He went to open his mouth again but she kissed him. It was like a scene from a movie. Her lips were on his and both of them felt complete. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. They didn’t care about the rain. The kiss lasted a long time before they pulled away. “I love you John.” She said and he smiled. For once in his life he smiled and it wasn’t fake. He picked her up causing her to let out a sound of shockness. She laughed as she carried her in her house out of the rain. He cupped her face and looked down at her lips. “My beautiful soulmate, the other half of me. The good half of me.” She smiled and cupped his face. “The bad half of me.” They both laughed. They kissed again but this time it led to something more and like the rest it was amazing but this time there was love in it. 

After it was over the both laid in her bed fully naked and cuddled up together. The silence was nice and peaceful. She felt happy about this and went to kiss him again but her phone went off. She saw a message from Billy that said, “Sorry luv I don’t care that he’s your soulmate. He needs to die and I will kill you too if you get in the way.”

[hijinxinprogress]

YJ playing never have I ever 

Cissie goes never have I ever been experimented on by the government so Greta, Kon, and Bart put a finger down “Bart?? Hello??” “The futures fucked” “Called it” “Are you good?” “I mean I like pizza and not being stuck in a simulation sooo” “the future doesn’t have pizza??” “I know! Not having pizza is the absolute worst” 

Kon goes never have I ever had a mentor disregard my safety and everyone except Anita, Cassie, and Greta put a finger down “The joys of not having a mentor” “Hal lost it when he found out about last christmas” “Every time Diana realizes we’ve gone off planet she goes nuclear” “middle child, no one’s looking for me in the first place”

Cassie says never have I ever been betrayed by family members (biological or otherwise) so there’s a small argument over whether or not you should have to put a finger down for each betrayal “I’m just saying there’s a lot of speedsters” “I have like nine siblings on a technicality” “Do alternate versions of alleged biological relations count??” “🤓👆🏾AlLeGEd BiOlOgicAl ReLaTIoNs ” “stfu” “Can I add someone else’s alt to my list if they killed me?? Wait, Thad tried to kill me again last week” “Are we counting each person or each betrayal??” “I don’t have enough fingers for that” “fuck, me either” “I don’t have enough fingers for each person much less each time I was betrayed” 

Anita goes never have I ever had a family member attempt or succeed in killing me and everyone puts a finger down “so fuck me ig” “does prime count for us??” “yeah?? we’re family, stupid” “I feel targeted” “me too” “what if it was an accident??” “It still counts”

Tim goes never have I ever had to screw with time to meet family member(s) so Anita and Bart put down a finger “technically I didn’t-“ “you’re a speedster put your mf finger down” “fair” “they were babies, I didn’t meet shit” “they were your parents put your fucking-”

Greta goes never have I ever befriended people that tried to kill me multiple times and Tim and Bart put down a finger “it’s how we bond! This is slander” “Bart we’ve been to like six other timelines and dimensions where Thad kills you” “wait you said friend do I-“ “Pru” “listen that’s different” “Anarky??” “Klarion” “Azrael” “Lynx” “I also tried to kill you” “My fucking finger is down are you happy?” 

Bart goes never have I ever had a family that doesn’t want me around and everyone puts a finger down “look at us! Bonding” “I don’t think I was invited to thanksgiving last year” “ngl they have no idea how old I am” “I was accidentally added to the family group chat” “dude they added you??” 

Tim goes never have I ever had mommy issues resulting in everyone putting a finger down “??” “You do know you’re targeting yourself right??” “Bart put your finger down” “wtf why my mom loves me” “Emotional turmoil bc you can never see her again ergo mommy issues” “eRgO” “stfu” “Kon?? You don’t have a mom??” “My choices are Superman or Lex” “Yikes…” “Put another finger down”

[No one wins especially not the jl that walked in halfway through the game bc yj was having game night in a briefing room and gave absolutely zero notice]

[astrophileblogs07]

Astro Observations pt.21

Back with some very random Astro observations 😁

⚫ Saturn aspecting the 7th house actually can dislike 9 to 5 jobs or corporate office jobs. They are better with freelancing. Its coz they can't take orders. Sorry not sorry. 💀(Ig that's a Saturn 7H thing 😆)

⚫ An interesting thing I observed: Among two siblings, the elder one has Leo rising which means Scorpio 4H and the younger one has Scorpio moon. And their Mom is a Scorpio moon too. She's a nice lady though but is such a control freak. (I know I am one too, but like when I met her the second time that "controlling" vibe just hit me like a big yellow school bus 🚌😭😭). That was so funny lol😂. -All the more her birthdate is a single digit 1.(these people are the alpha type, always lead and never follow and hence are dominating, one to have the last say) which is cherry on top. -She is fiercely protective of her kids. Can't emphasize enough on "fierce" part. Very strict. Rules are to be followed very religiously. {She can't stand any one of them doing anything without her knowledge. She even monitors whom they interact with what they do on their mobiles etc.(from what I suspect)} (obv Scorpio moon mom traits) (sometimes Leo moon moms too){nothing unhealthy here, just Mom's way of showing they care 😂}

⚫Saturn and Workout: -Workout 🏋️‍♀️requires CONSISTENCY. Saturn LOVES consistency. -In fact the best remedy for Saturn is sweating. JUST SWEAT by hard work. No matter what it maybe: workout, walking, jobs, cardio, sports etc. 🤸‍♀️🚴‍♀️🏋️‍♀️

⚫ Whilst on the topic of Saturn, people who follow a time table for literally everything the planet doesn't harm them much during its Dasha (even if its your worst one). I mean obviously you played by the rules 🤷‍♀️

⚫ Magha is the only nakshatra for which you don't need in depth compatibility match. They get along with everyone.

⚫Scorpio Venuses/8H Venuses are paranoid. They notice and suspect everything (sometimes things which are not there/imaginary). (For eg, me, who thinks that someone is peeping thru my curtains even when nobody is there and all my curtains cover my windows properly. 🤣).

⚫Also as a basic Scorpio Venus behavior: while writing chats/texting, I always think- "what if someone else reads it?"..so I just don't give much details in texts. (Gosh, sometimes I think somethings wrong with me 😭😭)

⚫The proven way to hurt a Leo moon: compare them with any other person and tell them that the person is wayy better in a certain thing esp if it's a triat that the Leo is proud of. 🤣 (P.S don't do that, its mean and the Leo will hunt you, which you don't want 😀.)

⚫Why do Aries moon men have a bunch of good friends for life and Aries moon women struggle with having at least one good genuine female friend for life? (I'm jealous)

⚫ Maybe its becoz they get along more with guys than gals so the girls are jealous of them...so hence no good female friends. 😢🤡 Aries moons are the best-est people for friendships you'll ever get.

⚫ People born on a Saturday look melancholic.

⚫ You can NEVER mislead a Leo rising. They study litreally everything: what you say what you do, and why you do so. Similar to Scorpios

⚫If you see a person having graceful and "royal" way of walking or behaving, they're are sure shot to have a Magha Ascendant.

⚫Connecting the dots here: as I said in one of my previous posts that Maghas get framed even when they have done nothing, what I interpreted is that Maghas are actually the definition of royalty. They literally have that ✨grace✨, that kinda magnanimous personality and similar struggles to a monarch. Totally King/Queen typa energy here. So with that, the usual consequences in a Kingdom is conspiracy against the king, which the Maghas face. (Enough with Maghas ig, started observing them recently so..✌🏻💀)

That's it for today, until next time! (like,comment and reblog loveliesss❤❤😘)

[sparklyskies0]

𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓

‘No, I wanna see you undress now

I wanna hear you confess now, ’

( 𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 ) y/n and chris have hated each other for as long as they can remember. Never minding the lingering tension that fills up the room whenever they’re together. When chris and y/n get into a heated argument about her new boyfriend that he quite obviously doesn’t seem to approve of, there’s nothing more left to say and everything becomes a blur.

warnings : poc!reader, angry drunk unprotected sex, fem receiving(oral sex!), dom!chris, glass breaking, scratching/blood, cursing, etc..

It was friday night, rainy and humid. Nothing but wet trees and fog filled the hot air. Y/n spent the night sneaking into clubs with her friends and drinking. Not all her friends, if you include chris sturniolo. Her worst enemy. For as long as she can remember, she’s always hated him, she doesn’t quite remember why or when it started. Possibly sometime during high school, she just recalls chris hating her so it’s only fair to hate him back, right?. Point is─ if it weren’t for them sharing the same friend group y/n would never be seen in the same room as chris sturniolo.

Y/n was drunk out of her mind, Every step she took almost resulted in her face first on the wet concrete floor. She can usually handle her liquor, but tonight was a complete different story. As fun as a night out with friends was for y/n, things got cut short when her new boyfriend troy decided to pick a fight. Causing a mild scene at the club getting her and all that came with, kicked out. In her defense, it was her first night out with him. Their relationship is fresh and the getting-to-know stage is still in effect, she had no idea he was a reckless drunk that hates when his partner is enjoying herself. And just as if her night couldn’t get any worse, her friends all piled up in two cars leaving y/n, alone with hers. Considering she was under the influence her friends leave her favorite person in the whole world to drive her home, chris.

The car ride was silent, the sound of the car air conditioner, filling it. Y/n sighed as she sat in the passenger seat of her own car , looking out of the window. The view was blurry as drops of rain and steam covered the glass. y/n glanced at the boy to her left, his one hand on the steering wheel while the other is rested beside him. Chris feels her eyes on him, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He comes to a stop at a red light, still feeling the girls eyes pierce into him. He double takes, “what?” his voice toned with clear annoyance. y/n shook her head, shrugging off her thoughts. “just can’t believe you’re driving my car.” the girl spoke with a sigh.

“yea, well you’re too wasted to drive”

“you’re boyfriend could’ve drove you if he wasn’t such a bitch and left”

y/n groans, here he goes

she rested her head on her hands, leaning closer to the window. she rolled her eyes in annoyance at the boy in the drivers seat.

“fuck off, we got kicked out” she defended

“because of him.” he protested. The light turned green, he glanced at the girl, the most irritated expression ever on his face and he resumed driving.

“all im saying is, you’re dating a piece of shit” he adds. This, is when y/n began to take offense.

“chris you don’t even know him.” she sits up

“neither do you!” chris announced

“isn’t this like you’re—what, second date?!”

y/n grew irritated, tired of the boy trying to tell her who she does and doesn’t know, no matter if he’s right.

“ he has to be the biggest asshole I have ever seen” he provokes. “clearly you haven’t seen yourself” y/n speaks, frustration in her voice

chris’s rolled his eyes, turning his gaze to her for a split second. “oh really?” he scoffs “god, you’re the worst asshole on the planet, chris!” y/n says, now enraged

“oh fuck you” chris curses

“no, chris—fuck you”

After those last words, nothing else was said. Y/n quietly took pride in having the last word, which she usually does. chris approaches her driveway and stops. y/n opens her car door immediately getting out. sighing of instant relief of being released from the tight space that she shared with chris sturniolo. the drive couldn’t have been longer.

due to lack of standing on her feet, y/n almost feels herself fall. stumbling but catching herself, she cursed. chris, exited the car shortly after. closing the door, he glanced up sighing to himself at the girl carefully walking to her front door.

he caught up to her, stepping to the side as she takes out her keys from her clutch, opening her door. Walking in she lets out a small sigh. Switching the light on revealing her living room. Chris closed the door behind him. “you didn’t have to walk me inside” y/n turned around, almost forgetting the boy was with her.

“do you not see yourself? you can barely walk” chris says smartly “god can you not be an asshole for one second” y/n spats

“i’m not a fucking kid, you don’t need to watch me or follow me around”

chris lets out a scoff, “no, but you’re someone who makes stupid fucking decisions like a kid” he responds “exhibit A” he points to the nightstand in her living room , a framed picture of y/n and troy on their first date, a gift he gave her.

“oh my fucking god chris! what is your problem” y/n exclaimed, “ever since i started seeing him you’ve been even more of a dick than you usually are and i’ve been trying to go with it but it’s just annoying now!”

“I just thought you were smarter, you know”

“if there was anyone I expected you to be with it would not be someone like him” he exclaimed back

“why the fuck do you care? why is that any of your business?!” she shouted out. The living room filled with silence . “who i date is absolutely none of your concern. so you can take your fuck ass opinion and shove it up you─” her words were cut off by chris slamming his lips into hers .

it happened too fast for her to process it. Chris pulled away, his face hot and almost, greedy. y/n looked into his eyes. She didn’t know what was happening, or why he just did that. She doesn’t know why she wants more. Grabbing the back of his head she pulls him back in. The kiss was hot, their mouths moving along each other, chris’s tongue demanding entry against her lips. y/n opened, letting him in. Muffled moans filled the room. Their tongues fighting for dominance.

chris removed his lips from hers allowing them both to catch a breath. He traced kisses along her jaw. They unknowingly ended up backed up against the wall in her living room, by her front door. Y/n lifted her head up, giving him full access to her neck. her eyes closed shut, biting her lip. she grabbed the sides of his face guiding him back up to her face, wanting more of his lips on hers. Chris bit her lip, his right arm stretched over her head, keeping himself supported as her back placed against the cold wall.

he pulled her leather jacket off throwing it to the ground, revealing her red lace top. His hands snaked down to her ass hoisting her up and on the nightstand beside them. After setting her down, his free hand grabbed something pushing it off leaving more room on the stand. As the object hit the ground, glass shattered. The two broke the kiss at the sound, looking down. “chris…” y/n says looking down at the picture frame with the glass the protected it, shattered. Chris looked back up, making eye contact with the girl. He shrugged and pressed his lips back on hers.

As he trailed kisses along her lips and neck. he grabbed the straps of her red top pulling them down slowly. From y/n’s pov, he looked majestic. As he stood in between her legs , lips between his teeth sexily undressing her upper half. Her breast were set free. The cool light in the room reflected beautifully on her now bare, caramel skin.

“fuck” he breathed, his face low

he did not hesitate to take all of her left boob in his mouth, his tounge swirled around her now hard nipples. The right not being left out for too long, and he sucked it hungrily, gripping the other.

y/n moaned out, the vibrations and pleasure as he stimulates her breasts with his mouth and hands taking over. she could cum just like this if he keeps it up.

“fuck, chris”

chris then trailed kisses all over her body. when he made his way down her stomach, her back arched.

chris stopped at the hem of her skirt. Who knew wearing a skirt despite the horrible weather will come in handy for y/n?

he looked up at her, his eyes filled with lust. y/n looked down at him. moaning at the sight.

his eyes are so pretty and blue, why hasn’t she noticed this before?

not letting another second pass, chris slipped her skirt off throwing it down. Her black lace underwear now in clear view. Y/n’s breath hitched. Feeling her juices soak the fabric guarding what chris wanted most. she wonders if he can tell how wet she is.

chris grazed his fingers along her wet pussy. her underwear practically drenched. “look how wet you are for me” he speaks, kind of like a whisper

he traces his fingers along her folds threw her panties. her eyes fighting roll to the back of her head at the sensation.

it was as if something took ahold of chris, because his once slow and sensual acts became merely greedy and harsh. He ripped the fabric off and dove his face into her cunt.

this took y/n by surprise as she shoots up and gasps. the feeling of his tongue on her pussy sending vibrations and shivers down her spine. her now rosy cheeks, flushed.

his hands grabbed the sides of her waist. The girl a moaning mess in front of him. “shit, chris—fuck” she moaned, her fingers ran throw his brunette silky hair

Chris flickered his tounge up and down her pussy, moaning against it. The girls moans got louder. He sucked and circled around her sensitive clit.

“fuck, you taste so good” he came up for air. the girl practically whimpered. how the fuck did she get here? home late on a friday night drunk as chris sturniolo eats her out..

Chris worked his tongue some more as y/n got closer and closer “chris im gonna—” the girl moaned out, her breathing got heavy as she felt the tight pit in her stomach grow. Those words were affirmations of encouragement for chris, making him go faster. The girls moaning stopped for a split second, her mouth gaping open into an ‘0’ shape as her climax took over

she groaned biting her lip, chris stood down there assisting her through her high. she pants massaging the top of his head as that’s all that she can see of him right now. he lifts his head up, feeling accomplished. his mouth area glossy with her juices. He stands up slamming his lips into hers. she tastes herself on his lips moaning into the kiss. chris hands placed on both sides of her face. as the kiss grew more, he hand made its way to the back of her head, running his hands through her curly black hair.

y/n looked at him. her doe eyes, needing him. her hands trailed his body. she reached the bottom of his t-shirt lifting it over him. she kissed his collar bones and neck. her free hands snaking into his pants, grabbing ahold of his bulge in his boxers. he winces and moans. “fuck me..” she whispers looking him in the eye. chris, tempted but shook his head “you’re drunk” he states.

“that didn’t stop you before” she moaned to him. their faces inches apart, every time they speak, their mouths brush one another. chris looked down at her lips. biting his “what?.. you scared?” she taunts , a hum leaving her lips as she bit them

chris took that as a challenge. even when intimate they can’t seem to not tease each other.

chris immediately unbuckled his belt bringing down his pants, leaving his underwear, y/n grabbed a handful of his cock once again stroking it through his underwear. Chris moaned, burying his head down into her neck, his warm breath on her shoulders. he placed light bites along them. y/n slipped off his boxers as his cock sprung out. She moaned at the sight, he’s bigger than she imagined─hold up . she imagined the size of chris sturniolo’s cock?

she continued to stroke his dick, using his precum and some spit as lube.

she bit her lip harshly as she aligned him up with her entrance. he slid into her, slowly at first, then he slid back out. And slammed back in.

He thrusted in and out of her roughly. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, her arms wrapped around his neck for support. Sounds of skin clapping together and moans filled the home. Chris growled, removing her hands from around him pinning them above her head. the look on his face seeming familiar. like hate

this man was hate fucking her. and she loved every minute of it

chris let go of one of her hands as he wraps his tightly around her neck. he pulls her closer to him, chests pressed against each other. His left arm still pinning her right arm over her, while his right hand grips her neck. she threw her right leg over his shoulder as her left remained wrapped around him, her left remaining arm keeping her supported. she moaned loudly “holy shit chris fuck fuck fuck!”

her eyes rolled back. chris never shifted his gaze even a little bit, taking in every facial expression she makes. not wanting to miss the proof of how he’s making her feel.

“you like that, huh?” chris moans out

“like when im fucking you”

they held eye contact the whole time, y/n practically feeling her climax approaching just by his words.

chris let’s go of her neck , grabbing her legs returning them back around his waist. Y/n’s arms reached for his back. pulling him closer. Chris moaned into her ear “fuck, you feel so good. so.fucking.tight” he groans. He doesn’t know if he can hold on any longer. He speeds up, the clapping sounds intensify.

drowning in pleasure, y/n digs her nails into chris’s back. Chris winces, but found pleasure in the pain. biting his lip. “fuck, chris! just like that don’t stop”

“don’t stop” she repeats. digging her nails deeper. covering his back with scratches

chris goes faster, he can feel her juices building up.

y/n can feel chris’s cock twitching inside of her signaling how close he is.

“look at me, look at me while you cum on my cock baby” chris presses his forehead against hers. his hair dripping with sweat. Y/n obeys, staring deep into his eyes. she no longer sees the guy that she hates, she sees someone who is making her feel like she’s never felt before.

the room got quiet, nothing but the sound of chris’s thrusts getting sloppier.

chris gasps , groaning loudly as his cock twitches. releasing his warm load inside of her. While at the same time, y/n’s eyebrows raised as her mouth gaped open, an inaudible moan leaving her mouth. her eyes rolled back. she gained her voice back in pants. “oh my god” she breaths out. out of breath. her legs tremble in sensitivity as chris thrusts slowly through her high. Chris brought his face to hers attaching their lips. This kiss was sloppy, tired and full of hatred?.

Y/n moaned into it. Chris pulled away, catching his breath. He slowly pulled out of her, his cum dripping down her thigh. They both look down, watching it.

Both a sweaty, sticky , hot mess.

They don’t know where they’ll go from this, they don’t even know if y/n will remember this the next day. But what is known, is that chris sturniolo is the last person on earth that she hates right now.

ᥫ᭡ Authors Note

I can’t tell if i like this or not lmfao

anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this as my first official post/imagine.

sorry if the arguing was bad, I just wanted to get to the damn smut already

be sure to request anything ! i love you💟

xoxo paris

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

there’s been lots of requests and comments so here it is PART 3!!! (SHE’S HERE first anon, hope you survived this long second anon and it was not a dream third anon, I’m posting/making it now fourth and fifth anon)

some of you were going feral for part 2 so I hope this lives up the expectation 😭😭 if not I’m severely sorry

title: the dancer and the angel part 3

pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: grayson has just admitted to kissing lyra kane, the girl you’d been worried about, the girl that was stunning, the girl he said didn’t matter… he chose her over you so now what??

parts: part 1 part 2

warnings: swearing, SPOILERS FOR TGG

a/n: okay so I hate switching POVs but I felt it was necessary here and I know the start is the same as the part 2 but in Gray’s POV but trust me there is lot more

tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @sweetlikeanangel @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31

GRAYSON’S POV

Guilt has chewed me up and spat me out the whole walk back to our shared room. There’s a pulsating lump in my throat that aches relentlessly, reminding me of what I’ve done. I am a terrible person. I never deserved her and now I’ve done the worst thing I could’ve possibly done, that anyone on this whole planet could’ve ever done. And she will never forgive me for it. I wish there was a way to turn back time and alter certain events. As soon as the time machine is invented, no doubt by my very own brother Xander, I’m coming back to moments before now to stop my idiot brain from-

I can’t even think it. Maybe it’s because it makes it more real. It’s like the last few moments of my life have been erased from my brain, it’s a blank canvas and I have no paints. I know what I did but I can’t remember exact details. Still, I can taste her on my lips, an over sweet taste that was almost too sickly has now morphed into something bitter. Her perfume lingers on my clothes and adds to my ever growing headache. I don’t want to smell her, I don’t want the reminder of the awful human I have become. The monster that now inhabits my body, lives in my skin, breathes my air and poisons the people I love. The ones I truly love.

Y/n. At one point she was the only reason I was still existing, still carrying on. She somehow managed to give me the fight to keep carrying on. I got up most days because I knew I would get to see her face. And now I’m going to throw everything away, our whole relationship. Everything we’ve been through or planned to go through together. It will reduced to nothing in a few minutes.

I’m outside the door, my feet have carried me here through muscle memory. I must go in, I must face her I’m aware but I’m afraid. I’ve never felt so pathetic. I wonder if she is still asleep. Though, I can’t work out whether I’d rather she be awake or asleep. I don’t think I could bear to look at her angelic feature either way. Those wide eyes, round lips, heavenly- I can’t bear it, I’m going to lose her, all of her.

I fiddle around with the key, hoping the door will just never unlock so I don’t have to face this. The mechanism clicks, mocking me. I step in silently and face the door to lock back up again. I don’t understand why, I know I’ll be kicked out in a matter of seconds, what good will a locked door be? And yet I’m still facing the door, fumbling with the key, my back towards her. Though I can hear her getting out of bed. She’s awake. My body’s immediate response is to go into a state of paralysis. I can’t move as the guilt ridden cement hardens over my body, creating an outer shell of the cruel creature I’ve become. Her body is behind mine. I can feel her bright presence radiating her usual tentative nature.

“Are you okay?” I hear her whisper as she touches my arm so gently it stings.

It stings so sharply because I know what I’ve done. The shameful crime I’ve committed. I jerk away suddenly.

“Are you hurt?” she asks, deep concern in her tone.

It kills me. It’s a poisoned dagger wedged deep within my heart, hitting every vital artery. Her voice is so soft, so melodic. She cares so much, too much and I’m about to destroy it all. And as much as I could not say a word I couldn’t live a lie, the guilt would eat me alive. How could I look her in the eye and tell her she’d always been the only one when I know she hadn’t? She’d already noticed earlier today my distant mood. She had always been observant, vigilant about those things concerning me and I’d always been grateful. I wouldn’t have that anymore. Lyra had been on my mind earlier and I couldn’t tell her. Now she would realise.

“No,” I reply.

My voice is unfamiliar to myself, it’s sharp and blunt. It sounds horribly harsh. I could feel it hurt her, the air ripples with a touch of dimness when I hurt her. Even with my back to her it’s obvious to me. I know her so well, too well and from this day on we might drift to perfect strangers. That thought hurts me more than anything.

“Where have you been?” she says. Her voice so sweet, so innocent, cruelly naïve.

I don’t want to break her, I don’t want to do it. It would be like smashing a glass ballerina. Something so beautiful, something so delicate should be preserved not purposely broken. I force my eyes to meet hers. I immediately regret it. The soft mellow colour all melts into one, clawing at my heartstrings and ripping the organ to shreds. She’s so beautiful. How had I ever looked at any other? How had I let myself?

Suddenly I’m drowning in guilt. I don’t know how, it just comes over me suddenly. Like a tidal wave I had my back to. I’ve been swept under by an endless ocean of shame. My lungs swollen full of my own black sin. I don’t know how but I manage to choke out two shaky words.

“I’m sorry.”

My voice cracks. My voice never cracks. She knows that. I’m sturdy, I’m strong, I’m the rock that never breaks and here I am. Here I am crumbling into dust. She’s too smart to miss the signs, she’s too clever not to immediately know something so horribly wrong, her mind is too sharp not to have worked half of it out. She’d already been suspicious of Lyra. She’d already seen what might happen between us even before I did, before it did actually happen.

“Gray?” she asks, my name sounding too sweet on her tongue. The next time she says it will taste bitter, I’m sure of it. She barely whispers the word but I hear her, it rings in my mind. It forever will.

I’m full of pure regret and guilt, it wracks my soul, shaking me relentlessly back and forth until I’m dizzy with it. Remorse’s doors suddenly burst wide open, ready for my grand entrance. My hopes and dreams snicker and smirk smugly as I walk down the runway, my head hanging in embarrassment.

I need to tell her. My heart races in my chest and there’s a lump stuck in my throat, so large it’s started to block my airways. I don’t know how to get the words out, I don’t know how to talk. I feel like I’m suffering some sort of aneurysm. She looks at me, her eyebrows pinched in and eyes narrowed and then I see it. Her eyebrows part and slowly sink. She knows already.

“Tell me,” she murmurs, her voice of an angel shaking.

I close my eyes, trying to suppress the tears. I haven’t cried in years I’ve forgotten this feeling, this heavy weighted agony that ripples through me causing water to infiltrate my eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek and still my shaking hands.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, an uninvited raw desperation ripping through my voice, “I never wanted to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen, I-“

“Tell me,” she grits through her teeth sharply, her eyes glitter so beautifully fierce and fiery, like she wants to kill.

But I know she’s trying to steady her rising sadness by covering up with her fury. I can see through her, like she can see through me. I freeze and the pause elongates. The aching silence is deadly, it’s fatal. I wish she didn’t have to make me say it.

“I kissed her,” I murmur, the words making me feel sick as I say them.

“Who?” she asks, he tone low and ferocious, “who did you kiss? I want to hear you say it.”

I’m twisting a knife into her heart and I know it. But she wants me to cut deeper. She’s a woman of principle, I’ve already hurt her, I might as well do the job properly in her eyes. And I can’t deny her this. Not I’ve stripped her of her dignity, her trust, her love, her everything.

“I kissed Lyra,” I whisper, suddenly aware of the dampness on my cheeks.

A sour taste fills my mouth. The words send lightning sparks across my jaw, sending ribbons of agony down the sides of my face. The truth hurts. Literally. Tears are rolling the side of my face, but I don’t bring my hand to wipe them and nor do I stop them. I’ve never felt more broken.

But she doesn’t care, there is not pity in her eyes. Good. I don’t want he to pity me. She should hate me. She should want me to miserable and hope for me to have a lifetime of the torture I’ve just forced her to endure.

“Get out,” she murmurs, the anger bringing out her natural stunning features. A flicker of boldness in her eyes, the striking angles of her eyebrows, her strong thick lashes and her full lips.

“I’m sorry.” they’re the only words I remember how to say, through my internal fit of torment.

I expect her to hit me around the face, a good strong punch I know she can make or a sharp smack that’ll leave a red hand mark pressed against my cheek. I imagine she might scream at me and ask me all the questions I wish I had answers to. But she does none of that. She only looks at me darkly and utters two last words.

“Leave Grayson.”

I can hear the tears she’s trying to hold back, through the numb façade. I know her better than she’ll ever realise. But it’s not fair for me to stay, not after this. She’s only asking one thing of me when she should be doing so much more. So I do. I turn my back on her again. And I leave.

***

Tears pummel down my cheeks like never before. I can’t remember the last time I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this. I’m blinded by them as I stumble sideways. I don’t know where I’m going. I stand on the edge of the cliff and sink to my knees, letting out a loud guttural scream. I’m there until my throat is so raw I can’t feel it. I bite my lip so hard it draws blood. And then I’m up again and running, following a path my footsteps are dragging me towards. I can’t think straight, I’m dizzy with pain. Before I know it I’m outside the safe house on the island. My hands tremor on the handle and I swing open the door, falling to the floor for my sobs to take me over. My chest aches and burns and tightens. That’s when I realise I can’t breathe properly. I fumble around for my phone, a tear splashing into the illuminated screen. With uncontrollably shaking hands, I typed no words. Just three numbers.

911

***

The wait feels like years, maybe even decades. Each second taunts me, with a mocking tick. I’d crumbled into the corner of the room at some point and stayed there, curled up and choking on my own sorry sobs. What had I done? What had I done? What had I done?

The question circles around my head like the nostalgia of a distorted tune of a merry go round. I’ve never made such a big mistake and my life and deep down there’s a sinking sensation that is telling me I’m not going to be able to make this better. I sob, loud harsh sobs that hurt my lungs and knock the air out of my stomach. My whole being shakes with every strangled noise that escapes my lips. Grieving. I’m grieving over something I chose to throw away. It’s cruelly ironic. But I think part of me is also grieving the good man I once thought myself to be, that she made me believe I could be.

I turned my back on the one and only person in this world who just cared about me, took me for who I am and believed I could do anything. She only wanted the best, she only wanted happiness and she deserved so much more and here I am, stabbing her in the back and dancing in her blood like a madman. She was my everything and I managed to mess it up, just like everything else in my life. I can’t have normal relationships, I can’t do something without messing it up. I’m one big screw up the opposite of how the old man raised me to be. He’s looking down on me now and I can feel his disappointment, like an infection coursing through my bloodstream. I failed him, I failed my brothers, I’ve failed her, I’ve failed myself.

She thought I was better, she believed I could be more than his expectation. And I was stupid enough to believe it, encourage it and let her belive the lie too. We’re all idiots.

I can recite her favourite song, her favourite flower, her favourite food and favourite colour. I can tell you all about her favourite novels and how she orders her books on an endless bookshelf. I know that she tells people her favourite film is ‘it’s a wonderful life’ but it’s actually secretly ‘tangled’. I know she prefers to stay inside and cuddle under blankets rather than have a night out. I know she’d rather reason a thousand books than watch a thousand movies. I know she wanted a library in her dream house and two, maybe three children with her husband and I know she’d sometimes debate about getting a cat as well. I know how she loves brownie batter more than the actual brownies and can’t sleep with any lights on. I know she still uses the bunny rhyme to tie her shoelaces and how she fiddles with her collarbone when she’s nervous. I know exactly what diamond she wanted in her engagement ring and her favourite country. I know what people she despises and I know what people she adores. I know every inch of her face, every hair on her head, every sparkle in her eyes and every cell on her skin.

I know her.

I know her, but that can’t help me now. Pain ripples across the left side of my chest and my hand clamps over it as I grit my teeth to try and bear it. I hear the door creek open and can’t tell whether it comforts me or not.

“Grayson pookie!” Xander calls out, “we’re here.”

His cheerful voice doesn’t provide me with the cushion to this pain I thought it might.

“And we have some in incredibly strong whisky,” Jameson adds, I can here the mischievous grin in his voice, it’s been the same all of his life.

“My nose hairs are officially burnt off,” Xander agrees.

I can’t speak. I try to call out for them but the words die in my swollen throat.

“Where are you Gray?” Nash calls out, he sounds a little more worried than the other two but is concealing it well.

“Here,” my voice is hoarse and laboured, even I can’t recognise it.

The mood immediately shifts, you can feel it. The air becomes tainted with concern as their footsteps approach my cowering figure. The case of whiskey is dropped as there is an audible thunk as it hits the floor. I can feel their bodies enveloping around mine creating something of a circle of safety. I look up to worried face and shiny eyes.

“Help me,” I gasp for air, greedily trying to gulp down the oxygen that I feel so deprived of, “please.”

“We’re here to help you Gray,” Nash murmurs softly. His voice had always been something comforting, especially when I was younger. I wonder if he will be so kind when I tell him what I’ve done. He’s going to hate me, there’s nothing he despises more than a man who can’t respect a woman.

I shake my head and choke out another struggling sob, instead of the words I don’t know how to say. Jameson’s eyes flit between mine and Nash’s, the concern rippling across his features. He’s never looked this concerned for me in his life. I think to all the times as children I’d helped him settle after a nightmare and wiped his tears that he hated falling when the old man had humiliated him. Oh how the tables had turned. Now it was my little brother wiping my tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his touch so gentle it shocks me.

“I can’t-“ I barely get out, wrapping my hands around my neck.

“Gray…” he trails off, unmasked emotion hitting his face like a train.

“I can’t breathe,” I wheeze as the invisible blanket that was set out to suffocate me tightens over my nose and mouth.

“Hey, Gray, look at me,” Nash says, his voice smooth and reassuring, “in and out okay, in and out.”

“I can’t,” I pant, my limbs shaking embarrassingly uncontrollably.

Xander takes both of my hands into his and squeezes them until they still, “yes you can, follow Nash’s instructions okay?”

“Slowly, do it with me,” Nash nods, “in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

I do. In and out, a rhythmic pattern. Each time Nash reminds me how to breathe. There’s an aura of calmness about his voice that lulls my panic into a narcoleptic sleep. Once my breathing is halfway regulated I look at him, dead in the eye, with shaking sorrowful lips.

“I fucked up,” I sob, “I fucked up and I don’t know what to do.”

They all share a look, this is the worst state they’ve seen me and we all know it. I begin to pathetically sob uncontrollably once again, the feelings building up in my chest and tearing me apart from the inside out. It’s like a rabid pack of wolves had been set loose to feed on my internal organs. I don’t know how to stop the ocean of tears, I don’t know how to shut my mind off, I don’t know how to help myself. Reel myself in from this abominable mess I’ve become. I’m hyperventilating, my chest throbbing up and down unevenly. Nash nods towards Jameson, a short, soft, sharp nod of approval.

“Hey! Calm down!” Jameson snaps, giving me a hard slap around the face, “snap out of this!”

The shock shuts me up and the sting stops my tears. I’m back to reality instead of a wallowing mess. Nash must’ve been approving the slap I realise in the sudden cleared head I’d obtained

“Sorry,” Jameson mumbles at me, looking a little guilty.

I massage my jaw, “no I think I needed that.”

He grimaces and then softens his tone, “what happened Gray?”

I tense, growing very still, “I can’t say it out loud, I can’t, I’m awful, I’m horrible-“

“What happened?” Nash drawls.

I choke out yet another unnatural sound. Seems the slap didn’t snap me hard enough into reality. I exhale slowly. I have to say it, now or never.

“I kissed Lyra.”

The words hurt even more this time, that they did when I’d admitted it to y/n. Neither one of my brothers can mask their honest reaction.

“Oh fuck,” Jameson blurts out, “you cheated?”

Anger. He’s fuming with me. I can see the rage trailing through his eyes and blossoming into his expression.

“I didn’t mean to,” I reply, feeling like a small child.

Jameson’s eyes widen and fury flashes across his face, “how can you not mean-“

Nash shoots him a look and his mouth glues shut. Then he turns to me and I can’t quite read him yet. I gulp.

“No one does that kind of thing for no reason,” he says sternly, “I never thought you’d be the one of the four of us to ever do that, seems I was mistaken little brother.”

Disappointment. He’s disappointed. A horrible sinking feeling settles in my stomach. Nash is disappointed in me. It’s one of the worst feelings imaginable. There had only been few times in my life when he had been and I remember the feeling all too well. Shame has me in a chokehold an it’s succeeding in strangling me. I can‘t bring myself to meet his eyes, I don’t want to see that look I can feel is on his face, that look of pure disapproval.

“How did she find out?” Xander asks quietly.

Shock. He hadn’t said anything until now, but his lips had been slightly parted and he’d paled a little. He never thought I’d do this to anyone, he’s yet another person I’ve let down.

“I told her,” I murmur, “the guilt was consuming me.”

“As it should,” Jameson snaps, twitching with a fiery ferocity.

“Jamie,” Nash says, trying to keep some kind of diplomacy.

“No,” he growls, “you don’t do that to a girl, your girl, you can’t do that!”

“Don’t take the moral highground now,” I spit.

“When you’ve cheated on your girlfirend? Yeah I think I will,” he replies, the bitterness rolling off of his tongue like a deadly poison. He doesn’t know I’ve already poisoned myself with my own actions, his words can’t hurt me.

“I didn’t mean to,” I falter.

“Bullshit,” he grits through his teeth, in two definitive and threatening symbols.

“Careful Jamie,” Nash warns.

“All this is your fault anyway,” I continue, ignoring the warning.

“So it’s my fault, you kissed another girl, yeah, okay Gray,” he nods his head with a sarcastic smile.

“It is!” I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air, “if you hadn’t locked me in a room with her-“

“So it’s my fault you couldn’t keep up dick under control,” he quips, interrupting me.

“You could’ve locked me with my one of my sisters but of course you just had choose the only girl who isn’t related to me,” I seethe.

“Odette isnt related to you,” Xander pipes up. I’d forgotten he was there, that anyone besides me and Jameson were there.

“Odette is old enough to be my grandmother,” I scowl at him, immediately feeling bad as the words leave my lips, but don’t dwell on it as I turn back to Jameson, “why did you make me a player in your sick excuse of a game?”

“You can’t use the game as an excuse,” he laughs darkly.

“I will,” I reply sharply, “this is your fault and Avery’s fault too.”

“Avery? Don’t make me laugh,” he rolls his eyes.

“The game never should’ve been created by her,” I yell, “that’s why I’m in this mess!”

“No, you’re in this mess because of you,” he shouts back, “but don’t you dare bring Avery in to this it’s not her fault.”

I feel like I’m one of those circus acts, the ones that lay on a spinning board and get knives hurled at them. Only in my case the knives are the truth and they actually hit me.

“Why did you make me a player?” I ask quieter now, my voice hoarse, “why?”

“I didn’t know making you a player would result in this,” he says.

“It was so irreverent,” I snap becoming angrier by the second, a sudden burst of red overriding any rational sense in my head, “I never needed to play.”

“You can’t pin this on me Gray, if it didn’t happen with Lyra, who knows who else it would’ve happened with,” he hisses.

“So you think I’m just like this? You think this is me?” I ask him, prodding the hollow space where my heart used to be.

“I didn’t before….” he trails off, sighing, “but now I don’t know what the fucking think of you.”

“Jamie,” Nash repeats again, in the same warning tone as before. We both ignore him.

“Just because you and Avery are all peaches and roses-“

“Leave Avery out of your anger issues,” he roars defensively.

“No,” I counter, raising an eyebrow, mirroring his usual argument demeanour, “you think you’re so perfect now you’ve got your dream girl and the two of you are so much better off than the rest of us, because your love is undeniable or whatever bullshit people feed you about it-“

Jameson’s features twitch for a split second. He’s hurt, but won’t show it. He’ll refuse but I know that it hit a nerve that won’t heal for a long time. I stop mid-sentence.

“I am far from perfect, I think we both know that,” he says, in a low voice, “look you’re hurting, I get it, but I’m not going to mollycoddle you and tell you it’s okay when it’s not. I’m not going to stand here and lie to your face because as your brother that would be the worst possible thing for me to do to you.”

“My brother would try and understand what it’s like from my side,” I say, desperation clawing at my voice.

“You’re looking for a fight Grayson and it’s not going to end well, not with me,” he warns, shaking his head.

“Maybe I do want a fight, but you know you do too,” I growl rolling up my sleeves, “so fine, I’ll give you a fight Jamie.”

“I don’t want a fight, I want some justice for y/n,” he states simply, “she did nothing to deserve that Gray, she’s been so good to you, the sweetest soul on this earth and she’s helped you through a lot of shit and this is how you’re repaying her?”

“Jameson,” Nash says.

He ignores him for the third time and I can see his calm facade beginning to drop, “you think because you called a 911 and you’re here crying that I should feel sorry for you?”

“I thought you were going to be here for me,” I reply numbly, my tone dead, “clearly I’m mistaken.”

“I can’t be there for someone with no morals,” he replies, “you cheated and you’re the one who’s upset about it, how do you think she feels?”

“You think I don’t know her?” I fire back, my throat burning, “you think I don’t know exactly what she’s doing right now? I hate myself, I hate myself for doing what I did!”

“Good you should!” he screams back.

Before I know it I feel myself charges towards him, ready to throw a good punch but Nash and Xander launch onto me to quickly and managing to hold me back. Nash’s grip is so tight I don’t dare try and budge.

“Out. Now.” Nash says sharply to Jameson, “go and cool off.”

His tone sends a shiver down my spine that I won’t admit to. Jameson opens his mouth to argue.

“Jameson.”

He skulks away, with a sullen face. We all wait frozen until the door has been slammed shut. Nash lets my arm go, dropping it harshly and Xander follows suit.

“And you’re no better,” he turns to me, placing his cowboy hat on a nearby surface, “I’m only sending him away because you can’t be left alone in this mess and so the two of you don’t rip each other to pieces.”

Silence stills the room. His voice echoes but makes no sound all at the same time.

“Take a second, take a breath and we’re going to talk this through like adults,” he says, “if you want to carry on being a child then leave. Calm down, you’re not a toddler having a tantrum, you’re a grown man, act like it.”

Nash has a way of snapping me back to reality. I nod shakily.

“Talk.”

I begin, “I don’t even know why I kissed her, I didn’t mean to it just-“

“Happened?” he guesses, “no little brother, that doesn’t just happen.”

“The I don’t know Nash,” I say, tipping my head back and resting it on the wall behind me.

I hadn’t meant for it to happen. I didn’t want it to happen. It just did. She was there, just stood there. Her hands looped naturally around the back of my neck, warm and gentle, “someone sent me that ticket Grayson. I thought it was Avery but if it wasn’t…”

She trails off, her voice small and tentative. Her golden eyes filled with the utmost worry. I wanted her to know she’d be okay, that she’d have someone to keep her safe. Her arms get more comfortable around my neck. She’d felt it too, the electrifying spark between us. It was exhilarating but something about it was off, synthetic.

“Then who the hell was it?” I questioned, my hands magnetised to her cheek all of a sudden.

Lyra didn’t pull away and neither did I. I lower my head and she raised onto her toes and titled hers back a little. She was graceful, like a dancer. My lips brushed over hers. They were sweet like honey. For the first few moments it was bliss and the realisation hit, like a stone to my stomach. I jerked backwards suddenly, shaking my head.

“I can’t do this,” I said, my fingers trying to wipe her taste off of my lips, “I don’t- this isn’t-“

I was tongue-tied, not able to explain to her how wrong it was. The words wouldn’t work the way I wanted them to.

“Gray?” Lyra murmurs, a tender voice. Her amber eyes are widened and slightly confused.

“No,” I yell. She flinches and another wave of horribly strong emotion rushes over me, drowning me. “No I’m in love with someone else. I don’t know what that was. I can’t-“

I stumbled backward a few steps and the turned around and ran. Like the coward that I am.

“It did just happen,” I murmur, lifting my head from the wall to look my older brother in eye, “I swear to god, I didn’t intend for it to happen, I didn’t even know I had feelings for her.”

I can see he disagrees still and isn’t convinced. I don’t know how to prove it to him.

“Let’s establish one thing here, who do you like?” Xander asks me.

“I like Lyra,” I say slowly, “but I love y/n.”

Nash shakes his head, “if you loved her you wouldn’t have done that.”

“I made a mistake,” I press on.

“And you will pay for it and regret it for the rest of your life,” he shrugs, “it’s not what you wanted to hear but it’s the truth. Listen, I love Libby and loving someone means so many things. One of those things is that I don’t even look at other women, to me they don’t even really exist. Libby is my world and no one else even comes into the equation, so the fact is someone else came into the equation for you, meaning the love wasn’t there.”

“But it was, I felt it,” I say, my voice breaking as I press my chest.

“What do you feel for Lyra?” he asks plainly.

“I don’t know, she’s intriguing and smart and beautiful,” I murmur, “and I like her, but I don’t know if I have romantic feelings for her.”

“Then why did you kiss her?”

“Comfort? Lust? Greed? Selfishness? I don’t know it just happened,” I repeat for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Stop using that phrase as a get out clause,” Nash shakes his head, “you have to admit to yourself more than anyone that this didn’t just happen.”

“I leaned in and I put my lips of hers, and I didn’t stop it, it didn’t feel wrong straight away,” I admit out loud finally.

“It didn’t?” Xander says, looking wounded.

“No, it didn’t feel wrong until I realised what I’d done,” I say, looking down, suddenly finding my shoelaces to be the most interesting thing in the world.

No one replies for a long while. That’s when I realise how exhausted I truly am and how much I crave sleep.

“I vouched for you,” Xander says quietly, “I told her that you’d never do that, that you weren’t that guy.”

“I’m not,” I say, in denial at first. I take a moment to analyse his sentence and then come to a sickening realisation, “oh my god I am…”

“She was already anxious about where your loyalties were Gray,” he winces.

“I proved her right, I proved every worry she had right, I just proved to her that she shouldn’t have trusted me,” I spiral, hating that I hadn’t seen it sooner.

Xander looks to Nash for support for a reply.

“Yeah,” Nash sighs, “you did.”

“I need to fix this, there has to be a way-“

“Grayson,” the acuteness of his voice cuts through my sentence like a machete.

I freeze and clamp my mouth firmly shut.

“This isn’t a broken vase, you can’t glue it back together or buy a new one,” he tells me softly.

He was referring to a time where Jameson and I had been seven and eights years old. We’d been brawling of course, Hawthorne style and accidentally smashed a vase. Usually it wouldn’t matter, there were vases all over Hawthorne House and they were smashed frequently. But this wasn’t just any vase. It was nan’s priceless vase that had belonged to her daughter, our grandmother, Alice. We were never allowed within a five mile radius of it, but like the rebellious children we were, we didn’t listen. Through our fight we’d smashed the whole thing, it was truly destroyed. The two of us stayed up for nights on need gluing together the pieces only to realise it was never going to look like the original again. So we’d hunted to buy another, problem was, this vase was one of a kind. It turned out after four weeks or trying to ship a similar one in that nan had known the whole time. She didn’t speak to either of us for a good few months.

“This is real life, she is a real person and you hurt her,” he explains, “fixing this isn’t an option. There isn’t a way to fix it, there are no pieces to our back together, okay?”

I’m silent but it’s the loudest voice in the room. My face pinches together in agony. For the first time, a little of the disappointment fades and my brother’s face softens. He wraps a strong arm around me and I flop into him like a lifeless bag of nothingness. I bury my head into his shoulder and try to cry but there seems to be no tears left. He understands and holds me for a moment. Suddenly I’m six years old again and crying in Nash’s in my arms over Jameson hiding my favourite teddy bear at the time, then I’m eleven in his arms with pneumonia after being stupid enough to get caught in the rapids un the dead of winter wanting a good photograph of a rare fish, then I’m seventeen, crying over a redheaded girl who I thought I’d managed to murder. And now here I am, at twenty-two years old in his grasp once again, having made the greatest mistake of my life.

Suddenly I feel another set of arms wrap around the both of us.

“Group hug!” a familiar voice sings.

Leave it to Xander to make me crack a half smile in the darkest moments I’ve ever experienced. After a while I pull away and sigh.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” I ask, pulling away.

“Honestly?” Xander asks.

I nod

“No,” he says. I wish I could see that little glimmer of a lie in his eyes, but I can’t. And it kills me.

“Think about it like this,” he sighs, “would you forgive Eve for what she did?”

“This is not the same thing,” I reply coldly.

“Eve cheated your trust, she betrayed you,” he explains gently, “that’s exactly how she feels.”

Dread fills my every pore as I murmur lifelessly, “I’m as bad as Eve.”

“No wait,” he says, looking guilty and panicked all at the same time, “that’s not what I meant!”

“I know,” I reassure him so some of his guilt subsides, “but it’s true and now I’ve just realised.”

“Look Gray, you aren’t Eve. You’re never going to be Eve, but think of how you felt then. That’s how y/n feels,” Nash soothes, “she’s not going to just forgive you, that’s not how it works.”

“You just broke her heart Gray,” Xander adds, careful to keep his tone as light as a feather, “for a girl you just met.”

“Why am I horrible person? Why do I always find a way to mess to something good?” I groan, smacking my head on the wall behind me. There’s an audible thump as pain spreads through the back of my skull. I wonder if I can concuss myself to forget all of this, but I don’t attempt the idea.

“You don’t-“

“No I do,” I say firmly, cutting him off, “I’m not meant for love, to love or to be loved, I’m not built for it. I’m not a good enough person for it. I’m never going to find my Libby or my Max or my Avery.“

“Grayson-“ Nash begins.

“Emily knew it and now so does y/n,” I snap.

My brothers still at her name, not moving a muscle. I never bring up Emily.

“Listen to me,” Nash says sharply, getting my attention, “you are meant to be loved. You are meant to love. I love you, Xander loves you, Jameson loves you and y/n loved you too…”

The change of tense makes my soul ache.

“…but this time around, you made a mistake, a costly mistake. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.”

I nod numbly, robotically.

“What can I do to make it up to her?” I ask, my voice beginning to tremble, “to show her I’m sorry? Something there has to be something.”

Nash gives me a grim look and Xander’s face remains blank, they’re the only answers I need. My head sinks into my hands. The door reopens and I look back up. Jameson has returned.

He meets my eyes, “Avery’s with her.”

Blood surges through my heart and I can almost smile. He checked on her. For me.

“Is she okay?” I ask quickly.

Jameson looks at me and for a split second I almost see the ghost concern is his eyes. He shakes his head softly, “no, but she will be,” he replies, it’s an attempt to comfort me and I am grateful.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

“I’m not apologising for what I said, because I still stand by it and you won’t change my mind,” Jameson says, “but I am sorry for being so angry about it.”

“You were right,” I whisper, “you were right about me. I never deserved her, so was nothing but an angel to me and I just turned around and threw it all away. I abused the luxury I had, I stabbed her in the back and then gifted another with the knife, I’m a horrible person.”

“What you did was wrong, but that’s doesn’t make you a horrible person,” he sighs, “you need time Gray, this is going to take a lot of healing. On both sides.”

“I don’t deserve to heal, I deserve to be in pain,” I murmur, the dullness in my tone echos around the empty walls.

“Oh no, we’re not going back to emo Grayson,” Xander says quickly, shaking his head.

“I agree with Xander on this one,” Nash nods, readjusting his cowboy hat.

“I don’t want to hear you blasting my chemical romance at three a.m and then denying it later again, you came out of that phase we’re not going back there,” Jameson tells me.

I bark out a laugh that thaws my icy chest. I then bite the inside of my cheek.

“I can’t fix this, can I?” I say, looking at the ground,

Nash shakes his head softly.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t be fixed,” Xander says.

“You’ll get through this Gray,” Jamie agrees, “I know it.”

The room grows still.

“Can we drink that whiskey now?” I ask, to cut through the silence. I feel like getting drunk, I feel like I need some relief.

“Big brother,” Xander nods at Nash handing him the bottle.

“Little brother,” he tips his cowboy hat in reply before taking the bottle into his hands and cracking it open.

“Let me pour these things properly,” Nash grins, “Jamie, come help.”

“Wait me too!” Xander jumps up,

“Stay with Gray,” he shakes his head.

“I don’t need to be babysat,” I grumble, annoyance written all over my face.

“I want to watch them pour whiskey properly,” Xander explains, “so I can impress Max.”

My eyebrows fly to my forehead, “Max drinks?”

“No I want to impress her though,” he grins.

‘You’re an odd human,” I almost laugh, tilting my head to the side.

“Why ta very much!” he says, almost skipping away.

Once I know they’re all gone, I lean back on the wall, my heart feeling a tiny bit less heavy. The pain isn’t gone. I think I’ve just gone numb. I feel hollow, empty, nothingness. Guilt is still gnawing at my insides but slower. A satifying clink against the fragile rim of the glass takes me out of my own head for a split second. There are hushed voices from the kitchen, I notice. I walk over to the door that lay ajar, I lean in to listen.

“We need to tell him,” it sounds like Jameson.

“Not now,” the accent indicates Nash.

“Then when?” Xander’s voice asks, “how long can we prolong it.”

“I can hear you,” I tell them, raising my voice a little.

They turn to face me, awkwardly remaining silent. The expressions on their faces don’t offer me comfort.

“Whatever it is, spit it out,” I say, “it’s not like tonight could get any worse.”

They share a look. Apparently it can. I feel sick to my stomach.

I can barely breathe, “who died?”

“No one has died,” Xander says quickly, “yet.”

“What?” I say, my tone deadly,

Nash glares at him, then turns back to me. There’s sorrow laced delicately, deep within his hazel irises.

“Gray,” he says gently, “Gray we hate to do this but…”

“What? What is it?” I ask urgently.

“Gigi’s missing.”

The words shock me to my core. I feel my throat begin the close up as panic returns with a smirk and triumphant greeting. My whole world has collapsed in less than 24 hours.

***

YOUR POV

I don’t hate him. Call me naive or call me stupid. But I don’t. I don’t think I ever could. The kind of love I have for him is unconditional, irrevocable. Time can’t heal a wound this deep and although it is still fresh now, I can tell. But if he were to say sorry I think I would forgive him every time. And if he asked me back I’d fall into his arms into an instant. And I hate myself for it, it’s stupid and it’s a little cruel. How easily I would take him back after what he did. I know I shouldn’t but something inside of me is drawn to him. Like an invisible magnet has been planted in our hearts. I wish I didn’t love so hard, fall so deeply, maybe I wouldn’t get hurt so badly. But it’s in my nature, it’s who I am. I wonder if he knows how much pain I’m in, the rippling agony that rolls across my chest relentlessly with no hint as to when it will cease. I’m tired of being the second choice but unfortunately I wouldn’t mind being his. And I know it’s completely stupid of me to think that way, completely wrong but love makes you do stupid things so they say. I sit on the beach, by the sea in a state of numbness. Silent tears roll down my tears as the waves lap my feet. Deja vu washes over me and the memories of Grayson and I the night of the game flash through my mind.

I grip his hand and run with him as he guides me the just beyond the shore. He sits down swiftly on the sand and pulls me down to sit between his legs. I lean my back onto his chest and let him nuzzle his face into my collarbone.

“I love you,” he whispers, kissing my neck, “only you.”

Only me, huh? Only me…

The waves crash against the rocks, hurtling a salty spray towards me. I hear footsteps and turn around. Avery stands there, a mournful expression over her delicate face. She knows. I stumble towards her and collapse into her arms in a fit of uncontrollable sobs now and she holds me. Her touch is gentle and warm but it’s nothing compared to his. I realise he might never hold me in his arms again and I cry even harder.

***

I don’t hold Lyra accountable. She is not to blame. Some girls in my position might dream about different ways to brutally murder her but I can only ask what comfort would it bring me? My feelings are already dead, what good is more pain doing?

There was a choice that Grayson Hawthorne was given: his dancer or his angel. He chose his dancer and I hope he’s happy. Because angels have wings and we rise up stronger.

idk guys I think I wrote Grayson’s POV really awfully to be honest… also I feel like the 911 meet up was not like their normal ones where they try and like do something (e.g drink or dare) and then talk about the pain but that’s bc Grayson was in such a mess and then they had to drop the bomb that Gigi was missing. so anywayyyss…

I am sorry this took so long and I hope it lived up to any expectation you wanted it too (sorry if it didn’t) and I hope you enjoyed 🤍🤍 thanks for reading as always

TIG masterlist

[samuelsdean]

WooPea!

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: you start your day right, cracking science jokes & making spencer reid smile. the other bau team members be damned! or, you crack the worst jokes in the planet & emily has had enough of it.

genre: fluff

word count: 481

author's notes: one thing about me is i enjoy spencer's tangents so i hope you'll enjoy this one.

MAYBE IT WAS A LITTLE BIT IMMATURE OF YOU TO CRACK THE SILLIEST SCIENCE JOKES TO GET THE ATTENTION YOU WANTED FROM THAT ONE COWORKER OF YOURS. But who cares? One smile from Dr. Spencer Reid, and you’ve turned into mush, a completely melted piece of goo. What makes you want to crack stupid jokes is the fact that right after smiling brightly like he was the sun himself, Spencer would go off on one of his tangents, explaining the mechanics and science behind whatever it is you just joked about. 

And so, you do it every single day as soon as you enter the bullpen, Spencer quickly rushing to your side to hear what you have to say while the others—Emily, Derek, and JJ—are quick to reach their invisible soundproof headphones—ready to muffle the sounds of yours and Spencer’s giggles.

It’s surprising to them that both of you still haven’t realized that one is in love with the other. It’s cute but irritating. The amount of mutual pining and stupidity from two of the brightest minds in the FBI, being able to profile prolific criminals but not the person who’s always two steps away from the other. At this point, both of you were joined at the hip. If they saw you, there’s no doubt Spencer is right behind you, and vice versa. 

And today is just like any other day, you arrived with a new joke in mind, and Spencer rushed to your side ready to hear you. 

“What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded Genetics?” You perkily asked the man beside you handing you your coffee. “And thanks for the coffee, Reid.”

“What?” Reid questioned as he nodded at your thanks. 

“WooPea!” You laughingly replied as you could hear the simultaneous groans of three other people behind Reid. “You do know I could hear all three of you, right?” You frowned jokingly.

“We know. That’s why we’re groaning.” 

“Oh, come on, you guys!” Spencer came to your defense. “It was a funny joke! Gregor Mendel would’ve definitely said that. The Pisum sativum, or what we commonly know as the garden pea, helped him carry out a lot of key experiments that studied inheritance. Even geneticists still use that nowadays.”  

Spencer continued babbling which you encouraged as you both sat down at your respective tables. Both of you too lost in your bubble to hear the others, Emily sighed and turned to Derek and JJ.

“I’ve had enough of those two.” She muttered a bit bitterly. “If not one of them confesses by the end of the week, or so help me God! I will take it in my hands and lock them inside a closet to figure it out.”

Both Derek and JJ broke out in fits of laughter, catching both yours and Spencer’s attention.

“Hey! Fill us both in on what’s going on!” 

[pauli-writes]

OMG—YOUR LATEST AVENTURINE POST HAS ME ON THE FLOOR. I would love to see a part two if you’d be okay with writing it!

warning: usual ipc crimes (mentions of slavery and destroying planets)

pairing: aventurine x reader

author’s note: hiii, i’m glad you enjoyed it as much as i had fun writing it. i was planning on doing a part 2 anyways so here ya go <3 (do i hear a possible part 3???)

part I

aventurine didn’t know what to do with you. you didn’t talk much and despite telling you to do whatever you followed him around like a lost puppy.

topaz had numby and aventurine had you, that was the consensus among the ipc staff.

you were nothing more than a pet, an accessory. aventurine didn’t know how to feel about that, because unlike him when he was in the possession of someone else, you weren’t resistant, you weren’t actively fighting him or trying to outsmart him.

he sometimes wondered what was going on inside your head, if there was anything in there at all. he once asked you to watch ice cubes melt while he was attending a meeting and when he came back you were still watching the ice cubes. he spoke to topaz about it and she suggested he should simply ask you about your behaviour, and as simple as it sounded, he hadn’t actually considered it. you did everything he asked you to, so why not answer a few questions?

however when he asked you…

“i’m sorry, madam jade told me not to disclose any of that information to you.” you replied, bowing before him in apology.

aventurine frowned displeased, idly playing with a coin in his hands. “but i’m your boss.”

“she’s technically my boss, since she got me from my original master when he-“ your eyes widened and you quickly covered your mouth. “i- i mean- please forget what i said-“

he skilfully flung the coin at you, startling you and cutting you off, but you managed to catch it clumsily in your hands. he watched you with narrowed eyes.

“tell me the truth and i’ll give you anything you want.” he declared boldly, making your eyes widen a little. aventurine had been generous with you before, buying you your clothes and taking care of other expenses you had when travelling with him, but this was unprecedented.

you held the coin out to him, “you should know by now that i can’t be bought.”

aventurine smirked, carefully taking the coin back from you. “you’re cute. everyone can be bought, you just have to find the right price. so, what do you want? money? clothes?”

you immediately shook your head, a reaction he wasn’t quite accustomed to. whenever he offered riches he would get what he wanted. “you can’t offer me what i really want.”

“you are making this a lot harder than it needs to be,” he replied, once again rolling the coin in between his fingers.

you sighed and lowered your head again, “i’m sorry, mr. aventurine.”

aventurine frowned and reached out, putting his hand underneath your chin and making you look at him. “don’t apologise, your loyalty is admirable if anything. but it’s going to get you killed one day.”

“that wouldn’t be the worst to be honest.” you grimaced, you were probably the only person he knew besides himself who thought of death as anything but scary. then he remembered what jade had told him, your entire planet was destroyed, you were likely the only survivor, much like him. that’s why you didn’t agree to his offer earlier, you didn’t want riches, you wanted you family, your friends.

he let go of your face and got up from his chair, fixing his hair while he did so. “do you like jade?”

you paused, watching as he stood up and walked up to you. “i-i don’t hate her.”

he chuckled, “a very diplomatic answer. very well, i’ll be back soon. wait here.”

you nodded your head obediently with a hint of confusion in your eyes, you didn’t ask why he was leaving, despite not having any meeting scheduled. aventurine left the room and took a deep breath, his mask of confidence slipping for a moment in the empty corridor.

if you weren’t going to fight or bargain for your freedom yourself, he would simply have to do it for you.

[celiastjamesoscar]

Devil in the Details

Pairings: Tara Carpenter x fem!reader

Summary: Tara accidentally runs into on campus, and she’s immediately enchanted by you and asks you for help. You give her the wrong advice and she holds it against you.

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, slight drinking, mentions of sex, Frankie, mentions of Tara’s family issues. If I missed any, let me know!

AN: not my best work but oh well

Word Count: 12k (im sorry)

The fall leaves gently drifted onto the ground as Tara bolted across the Blackmore campus. She was already running late; her alarm was set for pm instead of am, and she had no idea where she was going. The sky was dark, and Tara could hear the distant sounds of thunder as she rounded a corner and smacked right into someone, causing her to fall to the ground.

“Are you okay?” The stranger said as they let out a small chuckle and reached out to pull Tara off the ground. When Tara finally opened her eyes and made eye contact with the stranger, her heart fluttered.

The woman was undoubtedly gorgeous-there was no denying that-and she simply towered over the more petite girl. Tara was enchanted by the girl’s eyes that shined through the gloomy weather surrounding them and how her features contrasted with the outside world.

She spoke with the voice of an angel that sang in Tara’s ears, as Tara just stared blankly at her.

The girl shifted from one foot to the other, clearly not expecting this to happen, “are you okay?” She questioned again with her arm still extended.

Snapping out of her trance, Tara eagerly grabbed the stranger’s hand and stood up, “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going. I was supposed to be at my class ten minutes ago and don’t know where the room is. I just ran from the other side of campus, and I’m lost,” Tara rambled on as she talked with her hands. She was getting ready to talk more, but the stranger interrupted her.

“Okay, slow down,” she said with a soft smile that caused her eyes to crinkle, “what class is it?”

Tara let out a defeated sigh. She hated having to rely on people for help, especially strangers. She felt they had a mysterious power over her, and she hated not being in control. “Chemistry with Mrs. Rosalind in Franklin Hall.”

The stranger turned slightly to her left before pointing towards a brick building, “Franklin Hall is that way. Just go past this building and make a sharp left. It will be on your right past the giant water feature; you can’t miss it.” She finished with a mischievous smirk that Tara mistook for a flirtatious one.

“Thank you so much; I owe you!” Tara yelled with a smile as she had already started to jog away from the stranger, but she mentally slapped herself for not asking the girl her name.

The stranger smiled as she watched Tara slowly disappear, her heart fluttering at the more petite girl’s smile. Once she lost sight of her, she turned around and went to Franklin Hall.

——————————————————————————

“I met the worst fucking person on the planet today!” Tara exclaimed as she walked into her shared apartment before violently throwing her bag onto the floor and kicking off her shoes. She stomped to the couch and flopped onto it with a huff.

Sam tried her best not to laugh at her sister’s antics, as she always met ‘the worst person on the planet’ at least once a week. “Who was it this time?” She questioned as she walked into the living room and sat on the chair opposite Tara, but upon closer inspection, Sam noticed that her baby sister was a little damp. “And why are you wet?”

At Sam’s question, Tara sent her a deadly glare before taking off her shoes and socks, throwing a sock at Sam. “I will get to that in a minute; just let me rant about Satan.”

Sam quickly threw the sock off that landed on her shoulder with a disgusted face, “Okay then, tell me about your encounter with Satan.”

Tara lays back on the couch and laces her fingers together as if she was getting ready to talk to a therapist before speaking gently, “As you know, I woke up really late this morning, so I didn’t get to eat breakfast. Because of that, I was already in a bad mood and somehow ended up on the opposite side of campus. So I had to haul ass to return to the other side for my class when I accidentally ran into a woman.”

Sam ignored how Tara’s eyes seemed to sparkle when she mentioned the woman and how her eyes seemed to dance. “So you physically ran into Satan?” Sam questioned with a slight chuckle as she received a death glare from Tara, which resulted in Sam moving uncomfortably, “anyways, continue.”

“Before I was so rudely interrupted, this woman helped me up, and my god, Sam, she was so beautiful it almost made me cry. And she spoke with a gentle voice that sounded like angels. She also had these beautiful eyes that pulled me in. And that smile, I can’t even begin to describe it; it was the most perf-she’s a fucking bitch is what she is.” Tara ended with a hateful tone after realizing she had been daydreaming about the mysterious woman. “So I asked her where Franklin Hall was, and she pointed me toward it. So naturally, I took off running because I was late, and as soon as I rounded the corner, boom! I immediately fell right into a pool. I was shocked and forgot I had to swim, so someone had to jump in and save me. It was so embarra-stop laughing!”

Sam had a smile on her face since Tara started talking about this she-devil, trying to fight back a laugh, but she completely lost it when Tara said someone had to save her from drowning. She shouldn’t find her sister's near-death experience this funny, but she couldn’t help.

After a few minutes of Sam laughing, she eventually dries her tears before speaking with a small laugh, “I'm sorry, you can continue talking.”

Tara stared at her for a few seconds before returning to the story, “Anyways, this woman drags me out of the pool, and of course, I thank her. She asked me why I decided to swim, and I explained the situation to her. Naturally, she finds it funny and helps me find my class because we miraculously have it together. So we walk into class soaking wet, and guess who we sit by?” Tara finishes with an eyebrow raised.

“Who?” Sam questioned with a knowing feeling of who it was.

“The fucking devil. She has this devilish smirk on her face and doesn’t even look at me; she just leans past me and asks the lady I was with, ‘Decided to go for a swim, Anika?’ God, I fucking hate her.” Tara stated with a groan as she clenched her fists into the air, making it clear she hated this woman.

Sam couldn’t help the small chuckle that left her lips. “So, did you guys talk at all or just sit in awkward silence?”

Tara scoffed before sitting up on the couch. Clearly, this was something that angered her deeply, “oh, no, we did not talk. She talked. Talked the entire fucking class with that same fucking devilish smirk I just wanna kiss off.” Tara finished before realizing what she had just said, “Kick off, I meant. Anyways, the professor forced me to get my notes from her, and she gave them to me. But every five minutes or so, she would lean over and draw something on my paper. Look!” Tara exclaimed as she got up and grabbed her backpack, pulling out the piece of paper and handing it to Sam. The paper did indeed have little scribbles all over it.

The drawings varied from squiggly lines to stick figures sword fighting to even a tiny detailed drawing of Tara. “What’s this right here?” Sam asked as she pointed to beautiful penmanship that said ‘Y/N x Tara’ with a heart drawn around it.

“Oh, the devil wrote that after she asked for my name,” Tara said with a shrug of her shoulders as a slight blush crept up her neck, “she just tapped on my shoulder, asked me what my name was, and wrote that down before turning back to her book.”

Sam looked between Tara and the heart, wondering why Tara even kept the piece of paper as it didn’t have any notes on it. “Why did you keep it then? If she bothers you so much.” Sam questioned, hoping to catch her sister in a lie.

Caught off guard, Tara quickly stumbled over her words before snatching the paper out of Sam’s hands while grumbling, “Mind your own business,” as she stomped off to her room.

———————————————————-

Chemistry class continued like that for a week; Tara would mind her business while Y/N occasionally drew on Tara’s paper. By the week's end, Tara had a small collection of Y/N’s doodles. Still, her favorite one remained the drawings from the first day; the one with the heart wrapped around their names and a small drawing of herself. Tara could help but smile at the thought of it, but her smile quickly dropped every time she saw you.

“Good morrow, Tara,” Y/N said as she placed her backpack on the table and sat in her chair. Tara rolled her eyes at Y/N before speaking, “It was until I saw you.”

Y/N scoffed at her words as she swiveled to face Tara, “Why must you wound me?”

“I don’t know, maybe because you made me walk half a mile in the wrong direction and caused me to fall into some water?” Tara asked with an annoyed tone as she looked Y/N in her eyes. She wanted to strangle the girl, especially when Y/N laughed when Tara mentioned the water.

Wiping the tears away from her eyes, Y/N laughed, “Yeah, I forgot about that. That was a gas, wasn’t it?”

“No, it wasn’t a ‘gas,’” Tara exclaimed as she kicked Y/N’s chair, causing the girl to roll slightly away from her, “someone had to jump in and save me. Where is she, by the way?”

“Anika? She stayed home; she woke up with a temp this morning, so I made her some soup and promised to fill her in with everything we did today.” Y/N said as she pulled out a notebook and pen, preparing to take notes instead of writing all over Tara’s paper, which caused Tara to look at her with an eyebrow raised, “Sorry, beautiful, no drawings today.”

Tara rolled her eyes at Y/N’s comment but quickly faced away from the girl to hide her blush as the lecture started. She wondered if Anika and Y/N lived together, as the girl mentioned she made her soup this morning, or if she just woke up early and made her friend something; either way, she figured that was the one good deed she did in a year.

Once class was over, Y/N politely held the door open for Tara, which earned her a scoff and an elbow to the side. “I don’t know why you dislike me, Tara. I haven’t done anything to cause you harm,” Y/N said as she jogged to catch up with the shorter girl who tried her best to speed-walk away from Y/N.

“Are you serious right now?” Tara asked as she continued to walk quickly; for every three steps she took, Y/N took one.

“Okay, that was not my fault. You should have been paying more attention. And I can’t believe you are still upset about that,” Y/N stated while looking down at Tara.

Tara quickly stopped her movements as she looked at Y/N. “I am not explaining this to you again, as your pea-sized brain cannot seem to comprehend why I am furious with you!” Tara finished as she shoved her pointer finger into Y/N’s chest.

Y/N just smiled at the girl before reaching up and wrapping her hand around Tara’s finger before pulling it close to her lips as she gently kissed the back of her hand, right where Tara’s scar was. “Sei bellissima quando sei arrabbiata.”

When Y/N’s lips touched Tara’s hand and landed on her scar, electricity shot throughout her body; it almost caused her to shiver. Her body reached before she even had time to think; her hand quickly pulled back before her fist made its way right into Y/N’s face, and the sound of impact filled the air.

Y/N was slightly taken off her feet as she stumbled back a bit and reached up to feel her nose. She felt liquid drip onto her hand and brought her hand down to find crimson blood on her hand. She could already taste the copper in her mouth as the blood flowed easily. She couldn’t tell if it was broken, but she had a gut feeling it was. She quickly straightened her poster and stood there in silence as tears began to form in her eyes, and a slight trickle of blood ran from her nose, down her mouth, and dipped onto her clothing. That's the thing about getting hit in the nose; no matter the circumstance, you always cry. It could be because of the humiliation, the shock, or the sharp pain that followed. But no matter what you do afterward, you always have tears in your eyes.

“Okay.” Was all Y/N said before she turned away from Tara and started walking, tugging on her backpack straps. For some unknown reason, Tara felt shame quickly replace any sparks she had felt, which made her heart shatter.

When Y/N arrived home, she quickly sat her pack down and went into the shared bathroom. She wiped away the blood and waited for the flow to stop. Once she did, she popped her nose back into place. She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror; she already had purple bruises forming under her eyes, and her nose was swollen and bruised. Y/N then turned off the bathroom lights, entered her room, and sat on her bed.

The moment to herself allowed her to think back on the harsh conversation she and Tara had merely an hour ago. She could still feel the sting of the punch every time she thought about it. It’s not like she didn’t apologize for sending Tara in the wrong direction; she brought the girl a small bouquet on the second day of class that had a small note that said, “It is I that is full of sorrow, for I doth bestow no harm onto thy lady of beauty.” Tara didn't say anything when Y/N handed her the flowers with a small smile, but she let out a dry chuckle when she read the note. Y/N believed they were on good terms after that, but sadly, she had assumed wrong.

The next day, Y/N walked in, sporting a pair of black sunglasses, as Tara was already in her seat. Y/N placed her bag on the table and sat down, entirely ignoring how Tara’s eyes burned into the side of her skull. Anika had not overthrown her illness yet, so it would just be the pair again. Tara could see the nasty purple that had formed underneath Y/N’s eye even though the girl still had her sunglasses on. She felt awful for what she did to Y/N and wanted to apologize, but she knew words couldn’t fix this. She didn’t know what could. So, they sat in awkward silence until the lecture began.

Hoping to ease the tension, Tara drew a small stick figure holding some flowers with the words “I'm sorry” in a word bubble. She slid it over to her left, praying Y/N would accept the peace offering. Tara did not expect Y/N to draw a stick figure holding garden shears, cutting the flowers in two before sliding the paper back to Tara. She stared blankly at Y/N before taking the piece of paper and shoving it into her bag with a huff.

The weekend arrived and passed in a fly, and it was Monday again, but Tara silently screamed for joy when she saw Anika to the right of her seat. She was so glad to have Anika back and hoped it would make her feel less bad about Y/N. The two joked the entire class while Y/N sat silently, too interested in what Professor Rosalind had to say. However, after class, Anika pulled Tara off the side once Y/N had left.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Anika whisper-shouted at Tara, burning holes into Tara’s eyes with her own, “Why did you punch Y/N?!”

“Because she kissed my hand, and I freaked out! I told her I was sorry, but she’s still mad at me.” Tara defended with slightly frustrated eyes as she clenched and unclenched her fist.

“Of course, she’s going to be mad at you, you broke her nose, and she was out of commission all weekend!” Anika replied, not phased when Tara said that Y/N had kissed her hand; she liked to do that to people she found attractive.

Tara looked down at the ground in shame, not knowing how to respond. Anika sighed as she rubbed her hands on Tara's triceps, “I’m sorry, Tara. I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier; I just get protective over Y/N. Trust me; I know better than anyone that she can be an asshole. I've wanted to strangle her several times, but you eventually warm up to her.”

Tara scoffed at her words and rolled her eyes, “She cut up the fake flowers I drew for her; I am not warming up to her anytime soon!”

Not wanting to argue, Anika dropped the subject, “anyways, let’s not talk about Y/N. Would you like to work together on this chemistry project?”

Tara beamed at the mention of the chemistry project; She had already figured Anika would work with Y/N since they were best friends, and she was a little skeptical about working with her as she didn’t want to upset Y/N even more.

As if reading her thoughts, Anika voiced, “Don't worry about Y/N; she’s already finished the project. She prefers to work alone anyways.”

Tara nodded, “Yeah, I’d love to work with you on it.”

“Okay, good! We can start on it next Monday around five. I’ll send you my address.” Anika said with a smile as she walked towards her next class. Tara was just grateful she had a partner for this project, so she smiled as she went to her next class.

——————————————————

Sam’s car slowly pulled up to the apartment complex Anika had sent her; it was reasonably pleasant, with eight different levels. “Okay, this is it,” Tara said as she grabbed her backpack from the backseat and opened the door, but Sam placed her hand on Tara’s arm, causing the girl to stop her movements.

“Call me if you need anything, Tara. I’m serious,” Sam stated as she looked at her baby sister. She worried about Tara like a mother. Her protectiveness knows no bounds. But she wanted Tara to have some form of a social life, so she allowed Tara to go to a friend’s house for this project. She’d never tell her sister, but Sam’s stomach hurt when Tara was away.

Tara placed her own hand over Sam’s, “Don’t worry, Sam, I’ll be safe. I’ll text you when you get to Anika’s room.” Tara slowly climbed out of the car and was getting ready to close the door but stopped, “I love you, Sammy.”

Sam smiled at her sister, her heart filled with joy at Tara’s words, “I love you too. Now be safe and nice!” Sam knew that Tara could sometimes be an angry little dog that liked to bite ankles, so she felt it necessary to warn her sister.

Tara rolled her eyes at Sam’s words as she closed the car door and approached the complex's entrance. She turned around and sent Sam a wave before entering the building.

The elevator was broken-to her demise-so she dragged herself up five flights of stairs. Out of breath, she sauntered over the door that had ‘237’ on it. ‘Great, I’m going to get murdered by the ghost of Lorraine Massey after climbing up seven thousand steps,’ Tara thought to herself as she knocked on the door.

When the door flew open, any air Tara had managed to keep trapped in her lungs flew out. Standing before her was Y/N in nothing but a sports bra and shorts. Tara’s eyes raked over Y/N’s body, She had sweat glistening on her chest and stomach, and Tara admired her abs and subconsciously reached out to touch them as she licked her lips. Y/N quickly slapped Tara’s hand away while glaring at her with narrowed eyes, snapping Tara out of her fantasy.

“What do you want? You aren’t welcome at my mojo dojo casa house,” Y/N stated as she crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. Tara could hear her heart beating in her ears, and her palms started to sweat. She had sworn to hate Y/N, but the girl made it so hard.

Tara was at a loss for words; not only did she have to climb up five flights of stairs, but the Devil herself was standing in front of her in all her beauty, shirtless, and had just caught her staring at her chest and abs. “A-Anika.” Tara managed to mumble out.

“Anika, your weird pervert friend is undressing me with her eyes,” Y/N called out into the apartment room before turning her attention back to Tara with a mischievous smirk.

“I-I’m not-” Tara stuttered, too ashamed that Y/N had caught her checking her out. “No,” she finally whispered.

Y/N glared at Tara, not saying anything. She enjoyed watching the smaller girl squirm under her gaze. Y/N studied how Tara refused to meet her gaze and kept shifting the weight on her feet.

Tara heard a muffled voice yell from behind Y/N, causing the shirtless woman to look behind her and walk a little bit into the apartment. Y/N said something that Tara couldn’t make out, and Anika responded to her, but by how Y/N tilted her head back and let out an angry noise from the back of her throat, Tara only assumed it wasn’t good.

She stomped back to Tara and crossed her arms as she leaned against the doorframe. “Anika is in the shower. She’ll be a couple of minutes,” Y/N said with an irritated tone as she glared down at Tara.

“Oh, okay then. Would it be alright with you if I came in then?” Tara asked with hopeful eyes and a slightly awkward smile, causing Y/N to let out a small laugh. She didn’t say anything in response, and Tara was getting ready to shove past Y/N, but the taller girl moved to the side, uncrossed her arms, and made a welcome gesture.

“Thank you,” Tara said as she walked into the apartment with her head down. Tara followed Y/n into the living room and sat on the couch with her hands in her lap. She could feel more comfortable if it was just her waiting on Anika, not her and the shirtless devil.

“Just make sure your gremlin attitude doesn’t seep into the couch and ruin it,” Y/N mumbled as she walked into her room and shut the door.

Not knowing what to do, Tara quietly sat while looking at her phone, patiently waiting for Anika. After what seems like hours, Anika finally comes out of her room, “I am so sorry, Tara. Y/N and I carried some slushies, and she tripped on the stairs. Anyways, long story short, the drinks landed on me, and I had to take a shower,” Anika said as she walked over to the couch and pulled out a binder for their project.

It seemed a little too convenient that Y/N had ‘accidentally’ tripped and somehow managed to get all the drinks over Anika and none on herself, and then after Anika had told Y/N that Tara was coming by, she started to work out right after. It also seemed a little too convenient that the hot water stopped working a few minutes into her shower, causing Anika to wait for it to return and extend her shower even longer.

“That’s okay. I’m just glad we can get started on this project,” Tara replied as she scooted over so Anika could sit beside her.

Anika sat beside Tara with the binder on her lap and opened it, flipping through the papers as she spoke, “I hope Y/N wasn’t too mean. She likes to hold grudges.”

“She wasn’t too much, just her normal self,” Tara said shyly. She was not about to admit to Anika, let alone herself that she thought about fornicating with the much taller woman. “So, let's get started on this project then?”

“Let us,” Anika replied as she read through the instructions. The two worked together peacefully for thirty minutes, joking back and forth with each other and making little progress on the task at hand. Thirty minutes then turned into an hour and a half of gossiping, their project long forgotten.

Y/N had been halfway listening to the two girls outside, waiting until the perfect time to leave her cave. When she deemed the time was right, she did enough push-ups and enough squats to work up a decent sweat and sauntered out into the living room, still in her shorts and bra.

Tara's eyes instantly snapped towards the door that flew open, and her heartbeat immediately picked up. Her leg began to bounce, but Anika noticed and placed her hand on the girl’s leg, giving her a look of disbelief.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” Anika called out with a slight hint of frustration while pressing Tara’s knee down.

Y/N scoffed as she walked into the kitchen, “I'm getting some water? Am I not allowed to be thirsty?” She asked with a playful smirk she sent toward Tara. She knew Tara was checking her out and loved watching the girl fight her urges.

“So you’ve been working out for two hours now and finally decided that you might need some water?” Anika questioned, not believing Y/N for a second. She knew that Y/N loved to tease people, especially Tara, who would knock back and argue like a match made in hell.

Y/N grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and then walked toward the couch, “um, yes? Why is that so hard to believe?” She asked with sass as she placed a hand on her hip while holding the bottle in the other.

Anika stared at Y/N with a look that said, ‘I seriously cannot believe you right now.’ She then blinked, rolled her eyes, and said dryly, “Because you went to the gym this morning like you do every day. And you never workout at home because you said ‘I don’t have enough space to sculpt this perfect body’” she used air quotes when she spoke.

“What are you getting at then?” Y/N questioned, refusing to back down from this challenge.

Anika just shrugged and returned to her project, refusing to give in to Y/N’s challenge. Disbelief took over Y/N’s face; usually, Anika argued back with her, but for some reason, she didn’t, which made Y/N sad.

With a frown, she shuffled back into her room. She grabbed some clothes and walked towards the shared bathroom. “I'm taking a shower. Please don’t use the water,” she announced as she closed the door.

“Whatever,” Anika mumbled as she went back to the project. She asked Tara a question, and when she didn’t get a response, she looked up to find Tara staring holes into the bathroom door.

“Hey! Snap out of it! This isn’t you!” Anika commanded as she snapped her fingers in front of Tara’s face. The girl was quickly pulled back into reality when Anika snapped her fingers as if in a trance. She mumbled a quiet ‘sorry’ as she returned to work.

Every Monday and Friday for two weeks were spent like that; Tara would come over for a project, and Y/N would miraculously be working out simultaneously. She would walk into the kitchen, grab a bottle of water, grab some clothes, and shower. And every single time, Tara could not pull her eyes away. And every single time, Anika had to snap Tara out of it. Tara wanted to stop staring at Y/N, especially after everything between them, but she couldn’t.

Of course, Y/N and Tara did not talk during their chemistry class. Sometimes, Y/N would ask Anika to relay a message to Tara, and those messages were, ‘You look dreadful,’ ‘You look decent today,’ ‘Your appearance isn’t assaulting my eyes,’ ‘Ouch, that hurt. Please don’t kick me again.’ Sometimes, they were helpful messages, ‘Your shoe is untied,’ ‘The answer is C,’ or even, ‘Your hair isn’t braided evenly.’

Tara would try to speak to Y/N, but the girl would uphold her head and side-eye Anika. Then Tara would have to lean over to Anika, tell her whatever she wanted to say, and then Anika would have to lean across Tara and talk to Y/N. It would have been entertaining if Anika had sat between them and not Tara, but she took what she could get. The class continued like that for a few weeks until it was time for the labs to begin. Of course, Professor Rosalind made her students work in groups of three, so naturally, Anika, Tara, and Y/N worked together.

Anika and Y/N were messing around with a Bunsen burner while Tara actually tried to do the project. They were supposed to be doing an ion flame test, but Y/N kept on getting distracted by the different colors the flames would emit.

“Oh my god, guys, look at this one!” Y/N exclaimed as she held a small wire loop in the Bunsen burner flame. The flame below the wire was blue, but the flame above it was a blue-green color. Anika looked over at Y/N and was utterly fascinated by it, but Tara could have cared less.

“Which compound is that?” Tara asked with a bored tone.

“Copper,” Y/N replied, matching Tara’s tone. Tara just rolled her eyes at Y/N as she wrote down ‘copper=blue/green”.

The lab continued like that; Y/N and Anika would mess around with the fire while Tara wrote down the answers. Tara had completely blocked them out of her mind until she heard Y/N say, “Anika, I will throw hand sanitizer on you if you do not stop.”

That one sentence pulled Tara out of the daydream, and she was instantly alert. Tara’s head was immediately filled with the screams of her ex-girlfriend, Amber. Her eyes darted around the room, afraid that Ghostface would come to finish her story at any moment. Y/N gently placed her hand on Tara’s lower back, and she quickly remembered where she was.

Y/N looked at Tara with worry as she rubbed the girl’s back. “Is everything alright, Tara?” She asked with worry in her voice.

Tara just nodded her head, “Yeah, I’m good. Just got a cold chill.” Y/N gave Tara a weak smile, one that ‘I don’t believe, but I won’t pressure you about it.’ Tara smiled back at Y/N as the taller woman pulled her hand off Tara’s back.

After their moment in the lab, Y/N quickly left the building, saying something about needing to return some video tapes. As Anika and Tara walked out together, Anika said, “So, one of my buddies is throwing this Christmas party at his frat house. Would you want to go to that with me?”

Tara thought about it for a moment; she really wanted to go out and possibly find someone to hook up with; god only knows her sex life has been lacking lately. “Sure, when is it?” Tara asked after a few beats of silence.

“It’s on Friday, the 15th, so in a couple of weeks, at the Sigma Nu house. I can pick you up and take you with me; I’m already taking Mindy,” Anika suggested.

“Okay, sounds good. Is there a theme?”

“Ugly sweater, but that's fine if you don’t have one. It starts at six, but I’ll pick you up about ten minutes before.”

Tara smiled at Anika’s words, “Okay, sweet. Sounds good.”

—----------------------------------------------------------

On a Tuesday afternoon, around six, Tara went to the library to find any books she might need. As her eyes grazed over the names of authors, she slowly rounded the corner and went to walk over to the next aisle, but someone caught her eye. Her eyes drifted over to Y/N. She was sitting by herself with a book in hand. The cover was red with different patterns, and Tara laughed to herself when she read the title.

“‘The Devil and Tom Walker.’ It's a good book and it suits you,” Tara said to Y/N, who slightly lifted her head out of the book to look at Tara. Her eyes locked with Tara’s, and Tara swore that she could see a hint of sadness in them, along with hurt. But it was only there for a second, as the sadness and hurt quickly turned into anger.

“It would be a good book if my pea-sized brain could comprehend the words,” Y/N said dryly, refusing to meet Tara’s piercing gaze. Tara felt her heart break slightly at those words, but just as Y/N’s eyes did, her chest filled with anger.

Tara walked closer to the table Y/N was sitting at, causing the girl to look up from her book, “Look, I am sorry I hit you, okay? I apologized, yet you still insist on being rude to me.” Tara huffed out as her hands rested on the back of the chair across from Y/N.

Y/N looked up from her book, glaring at Tara with narrow eyes, “You broke my nose and insulted my intelligence, asshole. Unless you’ve already forgotten that.”

Tara laughed dryly, “You made me late to class, fall into some water, and cut up my apology flowers!”

Y/N stood up from the table and threw her book into her backpack before walking with heavy footsteps around the table and towards Tara, “Well, at least I had the decency to give you real flowers as an apology, you fucker.” She finished as she pushed Tara.

She stumbled back a bit at the force, but Tara quickly recovered. She clenched and unclenched her fist, trying not to hit Y/N again, no matter how much she wanted to.

“You are an insufferable, miserable, pretentious idiot who only causes harm.” Tara belittled as she poked Y/N’s chest.

Y/N remembered it all too well the last time this happened, but she wanted to be the one with the final say.

“At least my family hasn’t left me. At least I know what it’s like to have a functional family. Something you will never know.”

She regretted it as soon as the words left her lips. Tara’s face instantly reacted to the words, as if she had been shot. Tears began forming in her eyes at the mention of her family’s troubled past. Her chest began to heave, her vision got blurry with tears, and she turned away from Y/N. She pushed away Y/N’s hands and ignored the words that were being said, “Tara, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it.” She didn't want to be around Y/N; she didn't want her to see her this weak and pathetic.

“You had no right, Y/N. No right at all to say that. I confided in you with that information,” Tara muttered, her voice laced with venom and hurt.

She started to walk away from Y/N, slowly, then quickly. Once she left the library, she sat on the stairs and broke down. Her quiet sobs filled the air as she tried to regain her breath, but nothing seemed to work. She stopped crying momentarily when the library doors swung open and hurried footsteps stopped behind her.

She wiped the tears from her eyes as someone sat beside her. “Tara, please. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Y/N whispered gently as her voice began to break, along with her heart.

She never meant to hurt Tara. She just wanted the girl to leave her alone. All she’s ever wanted in life was to be left alone, but now she can't stop herself from wanting to be alone with Tara, which terrified her. She hasn’t wanted anyone in her entire life, no one except Tara. And now, she had mentioned Tara’s traumatic past of failed family relationships and knew that Tara would never forgive her.

Tara didn’t even mean to tell Y/N about her family issues; Y/N had overheard the smaller girl confide in Anika one day at the library. Tara talked about her father leaving during Christmas, her mother cutting her older sister out of her life, then her older sister leaving one day without a trace. She also talked about how her alcoholic mother practically left her alone as a child. She then mentioned that Sam only returned when Tara was attacked; she didn’t go into details, but Y/N knew it pained her too much to discuss. Anika and Y/N both picked up on the meaning behind her words: no one has ever loved me enough to stay, so I will live and die alone, just as I have my entire life. When Tara was done talking, Y/N didn’t say anything; she just pushed a drawing toward her and smiled when Tara looked at her. It was a drawing of three people: Anika, Tara, and Y/N. They were all sitting on the floor next to a Christmas tree, opening presents and smiling. There was a fireplace that they sat in front of, and on the mantel were the words “Found Family.” They still weren’t on good terms, but that drawing made Tara feel slightly better about herself and Y/N.

Tara was pulled from her thoughts when she felt an arm wrap around her shoulders. Tara didn’t fight back when Y/N pulled her into her chest. Y/N placed her right hand on Tara’s head while rubbing her thumb against the girl’s head. Her left arm held Tara against her chest while she rubbed her back with her hand. She let Tara cry into her chest. She didn’t say anything as Tara took hiccuped breaths. She didn't say anything when Tara repeatedly said, ‘I hate you,’ with a weak voice. And she certainly didn't say anything when her own cheeks became wet with tears. Instead, she leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Tara’s head, saying, ‘I know’ as she rubbed the girl’s back.

Once Tara had finished her sobs, she pulled back from Y/N’s chest. Y/N expected the girl to hit her again, to scream at her and tell her to die in a hole; she expected everything. She everything except what happened.

Tara let out a small, dry chuckle. She stood up from the stairs, wiped her eyes and cheeks, and looked down at Y/N. She had the most honest look in her eyes, something that Y/N had never seen in the girl before. “Thank you, Y/N. Thank you so much for showing me the real you. I am so glad that I didn’t waste my time on you. Seriously, thank you so much for sparing me the misery of knowing you beyond just an acquaintance,” Tara said with such an honest tone that Y/N had a hard time believing that Tara was insulting her.

“Okay.” That was all Y/N said. She stood up from the stairs and looked at Tara. They both had water-stained cheeks, red eyes, and noses, but one only felt relief while the other felt pain. Any friendship that they might have rekindled died that day. Tara said nothing as Y/N walked away with her bag over her shoulder. Y/N felt nothing but pain as she walked away from the beautiful girl she just made cry; tears of her own began free falling from her eyes the further she walked away.

Once Tara could no longer see Y/N, she slowly returned home. As she walked home, her heartbeat picked up, and she subconsciously walked quicker. She didn’t know why, but she had a gut feeling something terrible had happened. She pulled out her phone and called Sam, hoping her sister was still around. Y/N’s words cut deep, and she was terrified that Sam had left her again. When Sam didn’t answer, Tara started to hyperventilate. Her fingers began to shake, and her vision became blurry with tears as she clicked on Sam’s number and called her again. When Sam didn’t pick up the second time, Tara lost all hope. She started to sprint as she sucked in her breaths, trying to keep some air trapped in her lungs.

She burst through the apartment entrance and flew up the stairs, ignoring how her lungs screamed for air, her chest tightened, and breaths began rare, and she ignored how her once broken leg started to hurt.

Her shaky hands fumbled with the keys to her apartment as she tried to unlock the door quickly. Her breathing was still trying to catch itself as Tara pushed herself through the door and slammed it shut. “Sam? Sam! Are you here?” Tara called out into the empty apartment.

She searched through every room in the apartment, checked every bathroom and every closet, trying to find her sister. She screamed out for Sam in hopes that her sister might hear her pleas wherever she ran off to. She even looked under every bed to ensure Sam wasn’t pulling some disappearing prank on her like they did when they were kids. Once Tara had ransacked every nook and cranny of the apartment, she stumbled into Sam’s room and called her again. When Sam didn’t answer the third time, Tara cried herself to sleep on her sister’s bed, believing she genuinely pushed away the one person who had returned for her. She cried herself to sleep, believing that Y/N was right; no one would ever love her enough to stay.

When Sam woke up early in the morning, she gently pushed Danny’s arm off her waist. She rolled over on her side and immediately shot out of bed once she read 3:33 am on the clock. Sam quickly picked up her clothes and got dressed. She never meant to sleep over at Danny’s apartment. She worked a double and needed some sort of distraction. She ran through the apartment as she hunted down her phone and felt her heart shatter at the thirteen missed calls from Tara.

Sam didn’t tell Danny bye as she ran out of his apartment and returned to hers. She didn’t even need to use her key as she pushed open the unlocked door. “Tara?” Sam called out as she ran to her sister’s room. When Tara wasn’t there, she moved to her room and quietly pushed the door open.

Tara was sound asleep in Sam’s bed. She was curled up with a stuffed animal Sam had won her at a carnival earlier in the year. Sam turned off the overhead light as she walked over to her bed. She turned on the bedside lamp as she got under the covers, “Tara, wake up, baby,” she cooed gently while wrapping her arms around her sister. She saw her little sister’s smeared mascara and the dried tears on her cheeks. “Tara, I’m here now,” Sam said as she saw Tara start to stour in her sleep.

Tara slowly opened her swollen, red eyes and found herself in Sam’s arms. She let out a dry laugh before burying herself into Sam’s body, trying to get closer to Sam than she already was. Sam gently ran her fingers through Tara’s hair while whispering sweet words in her sister’s ear, trying to comfort the girl. Tara gently cried into Sam’s chest while she had a death grab on her back, scared that if she let go, Sam would disappear.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Friday the 15th, Tara dug through her closet for a sweater. She tried her best not to find one too ugly, hoping she would get lucky tonight. She groaned as she looked at her options: a ‘Hereditary’ one with a cartoonish drawing of the husband on fire or a black one with ‘Big Gift Energy’ on it with presents at the bottom. Tara decided to go with the latter. Once she put on her sweater, she did her makeup and hair while waiting for Anika. And just as promised, Anika arrived ten minutes before six.

Tara opened the door for Anika and Mindy and laughed when she saw their sweaters: Anika had half a scissor on hers, while Mindy had the other half. “A bit on the nose, don’t you think?” Tara questioned as she followed them out to the bottom floor.

“Eh, I think it gets the message across,” Mindy says as she throws an arm around Anika’s neck, pulling her girlfriend into her side. Tara laughed at her friend’s words as they walked onto the street.

“Does Sam know about this?” Mindy asked, even though she had a feeling what the answer might be.

“Uh, no. She does not.” Tara mumbled.

Mindy just looked at Anika, and they both decided they didn’t want to get into a fight with Tara about Sam, so they just kept quiet as they walked toward the frat house.

When the three arrived, they instantly smelt the alcohol. They could even see smoke seeping into the outside air. They walked up the house steps and quickly entered the kitchen. Loud music played over the speakers, rattling the house. The three find a bottle of SKKY. Mindy picks it up with a mischievous smirk, “Shall we?”

Anika and Tara smile at the girl as they pour each a shot and then another. After three rounds of shots, the girls call it quits.

“We are going to go sit on the couch,” Anika said to Tara as she and Mindy walked toward it with beers in their hands.

Tara waved at them and went to find herself a drink, her throat felt a little scratchy, and she let out a small cough, ‘probably from the vodka,’ she thought.

As she grabbed herself a beverage, a man approached her. “Hey, I haven’t seen you here before,” the man says with a sly smirk.

“Yeah, I’m just here with some friends. I’m Tara, by the way.” Tara slurred out. She was worse off than Mindy and Anika, as she was much smaller than both girls.

The man noticed that Tara was in a drunken state already and decided he would take advantage of that. He shook Tara’s hand, “Hi, I’m Frankie. So, are you a part of the Omega Beta Zeta sorority?” He asked with a cooky smile.

Tara grabbed a beer from the ice bucket and said, “No, but I’m thinking about rushing.”

“Well, if you need any help, I can always put in a good word for you.” Frankie said as he leaned toward Tara and opened the beer bottle for her, “Would you like to come up to my room?”

Tara looked around; she desperately needed to get laid tonight, even if it meant she had to hook up with an asshole. “Fuck it, yeah. Let’s do it,” she said as she downed her beer and followed Frankie toward the stairs.

As they started going up the stairs, someone called out to them, “Hey, Tara, why don’t we call it a night?”

Tara turned her head at the sound of the soft voice; Y/N was standing at the bottom of the stairs. She had an unreadable expression with narrow eyes. Her body was tense, and her fists were clenched. She wore a red sweater with a white Budweiser logo and had a Fanny pack across her torso. Tara almost laughed at how cute she looked.

“No, I think I’m still going to hang out here. You can leave, though,” Tara slurred out. She missed the way hurt flashed across Y/N’s face.

“Tara, you’re good down here; come on,” Y/N tried to reason with the girl. Even though it’s been a couple of weeks since their fight, she still cared for Tara.

Tara was going to respond to Y/N, but Frankie butted in, “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

Y/N ignored Frankie’s attempt to get a rise out of her. She looked at Tara as she spoke, “Tara, please. Let’s go.”

Tara walked down a few stairs, standing closer to you, “No, Y/N, it’s fine. I want to go up with him.”

Frankie walked down too and got close enough to Y/N’s face that she could smell the liquor on his breath, “See Y/N? It’s fine, the girl said she wants to, now fuck off,” he said as he roughly grabbed Tara, practically dragging the girl up the stairs.

“Get your fucking hands off of her,” Y/N stated as she pushed Frankie into the wall. Frankie let go of Tara as he hit the wall. When he turned around, he quickly tackled Y/N off the stairs and onto the floor.

Frankie went to straddle Y/N’s waist, but the girl quickly pulled out a switchblade from her boot, opened it, and held it to his neck, “Fucking try me, I dare you,” she hissed out, her eyes never leaving Frankie.

She pressed hard enough to draw blood, and with that, Frankie quickly pushed himself off the girl. “Fine, you can keep the little shit! It wouldn’t have been good anyways,” he said as his voice began to break before stomping up to his room.

Mindy and Anika reached down toward Y/N and pulled her up. Y/N ignored all the glances and stares sent her way as she moved toward the stairs to check on Tara.

Tara was breathing heavily as she pushed past Y/N and went out the door. Y/N quickly followed Tara, “Hey, Tara. What's going on?” Y/N called out, hoping the girl would slow down.

Tara’s breaths became labored as she approached a tree adjacent to the house. She pressed her back against the tree and slowly slid down to the ground. She clutched at her chest and tried to take deep breaths, but her throat seemed closed. She pulled her legs up into her chest, hoping she would disappear if she could make herself small enough.

Y/N jogged towards Tara and crouched down so she was at eye level with Tara. “Tara, love. What’s wrong?” Y/N asked; her voice quivered with worry. She didn’t know what was wrong with Tara; Y/N knew she wasn’t leaving the girl until she was breathing normally again.

Panic started settling in Tara as she realized she was having an asthma attack. She tried to get the words out, but only short, ragged breaths left her lips.

Y/N noted everything going on with Tara: clutched chest, sucking in breaths, can't breathe. Can’t breathe. Y/N quickly took off her Fanny pack and dug around until she found her own inhaler. Tara’s eyes lit up as she snatched it from Y/N’s hand. She shook it violently before removing the cap and taking a puff.

She waited thirty seconds before taking a second puff to be safe. Once her breathing slowly returned, she noticed Mindy and Anika staring at her worriedly. She also noticed that Y/N had one hand on each of her knees.

“Are you okay?” Y/N asked with such a gentle voice it brought tears to Tara’s eyes. Tara nodded while wiping away her tears with a small smile, “thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome, Tara,” Y/N said as she looked back at Mindy and Anika. The three had a silent conversation, then Y/N turned back to Tara, “Do you want to head back to your place or stay here a little longer?”

Tara looked up at Mindy and Anika. She was afraid that the girls were disappointed in her or angry with her, but she only found worry and concern on their faces. She looked down at Y/N before speaking, “I would like to stay here for a moment; I need to ground myself.”

“Is it alright if I sit beside you?” Y/N asked. She wanted to comfort the girl more but didn't want to overstep. This was the first time they’ve talked since their fight, and Y/N didn’t know where she stood with the girl.

Tara nodded, and Y/N stood up momentarily and sat down next to Tara, resting her back against the tree. “You guys can go. I’m okay to stay here with Y/N,” Tara gently said as she looked up toward the girls.

“Call me if anything happens, both of you,” Anika stated before walking off with Mindy.

Once they left, Tara looked over her right shoulder at Y/N and chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Y/N asked with a light smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Your sweater is ugly,” Tara said with a voice crack. She still had tears in her eyes. They weren’t from her asthma attack but from Y/N seeing her put herself out there for an asshole.

Y/N laughed as she leaned against the tree and looked at Tara, “My sweater is ugly? Yours literally says ‘big gift energy!’’

Tara joined in with laughter and gave Y/N a fist pump. But when it came time for them to pull their hands back, neither moved. Instead, Tara slowly moved her hand and slightly opened it, hoping Y/N would catch on. When Y/N saw what Tara wanted, she opened her hand and intertwined her fingers. She then pulled their laced hands into her lap, causing Tara to rest her head against the taller girl’s shoulder. Y/N ignored the quick picture Anika took of them as she and Mindy walked away.

“You wanna talk about it?” Y/N asked after a few moments of silence. She didn’t know which ‘it’ she was referring to: their fight, Frankie, her asthma attack, or something else. She just knew that they needed to talk.

Tara nodded as she pulled away from Y/N’s shoulder; they both instantly missed the contact. “I have some things I need to say to you,” Tara husked out. Y/N nodded her head, waiting for the girl to go. “You are evil and vain. The first day I met you, I called you Satan and still call you that behind your back. All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, and mean.”

Y/N slightly winced at Tara’s words, “You said ‘mean’ twice.”

“And I meant it twice,” Tara said but gently squeezed Y/N’s hand, showing the girl that she was joking. “I also think you are the most intolerable person ever, but I would love to be the one to tolerate you.”

At that, Y/N’s ears perked up. Her heartbeat quickened as she looked around nervously. It was just her and Tara outside, but she couldn't help but feel eyes on her. Looking back down, she realized Tara was staring at her with yearning. “Tara, come on now. You’re drunk.”

“Nuh-uh,” Tara said as she let go of Y/N’s hand and cupped the girl’s cheeks. Y/N placed her hands on Tara’s wrists, trying to pull them away from her face. “Tara, you’re drunk, and I just helped you avoid making a mistake, let’s not make one out here.”

Tara whined at Y/N’s words and looked up at Y/N. This was the girl who made her life hell on the first day of school and made her have an emotional come apart at the library. But this was also the same girl that saved her from making the biggest mistake of her life, the same girl that helped her with her asthma attack mere moments ago. This Y/N in front of her was the same one who brought her flowers as an apology, and this was the same Y/N who drew pictures all over her papers. This was her Y/N that gave her a drawing of her and her found family. This was her Y/N, who came back to her after she broke her nose. This was her Y/N; no matter how hard Tara tried to push her away, Y/N would never leave her side.

Eyes darting between Y/N’s, Tara leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on Y/N’s lips. Y/N was taken aback but kissed the girl back. Only when Tara went to deepen the kiss did she pull away. “Tara, I won’t kiss you or touch you right now, you’re drunk, and I will not take advantage of that,” Y/N said against Tara’s lips.

“Okay,” Tara replied as she stood up and held out her hand for Y/N. She accepted the hand and stood up. “Will you walk me home?”

“Of course, let’s go,” Y/N replied as she walked with Tara. They didn’t speak the entire walk back to Tara’s apartment, but their minds were running wild with thoughts of the other.

Tara was the first to break the silence when they arrived at the Carpenter apartment, “Thank you, Y/N. I hate to think about where I would be without you right now.”

“You wouldn’t have even been at the party if I didn’t send you the wrong way,” Y/N said with a slightly guilty tone.

Tara thought about Y/N’s words for a moment. If Y/N had actually walked with Tara to class, then she wouldn’t have met Anika right away and formed a friendship. Sure, she would have still seen her, but they might not have been as close as they are now. Tara wouldn’t have punched Y/N in the face, and they also wouldn’t have had their fight in the library. Tara probably would have convinced Y/N to do their chemistry project together and bonded over it. Instead of going out tonight, she might have stayed over at Y/N’s apartment. She would have stayed up with the girl and probably kissed her as she did tonight. It seemed that no matter what roads Tara took, they all led right back to Y/N.

“All roads lead back to you, Y/N,” Tara said with a soft smile and an honest tone. Y/N wanted to kiss the shorter girl but refused to do so as long as the girl had alcohol in her system.

“Goodnight, Tara,” Y/N said as she leaned down and kissed Tara’s forehead, “get some sleep, cara mia.” And with that, Y/N returned home and went to sleep.

The last week before Christmas break had arrived: finals week. On the day of their Chemistry final, Y/N walked in with an ugly gray Christmas sweater with a picture of Julius Caesar in the middle. Above his head were words, “What are you gonna do, stab me?” And underneath his picture was “Julius Caesar 44 B.C.”

Tara let out a small laugh as she read the words, “I might do just that,” she said as Y/N sat down.

“Mhm?” Y/N questioned with an eyebrow raised. It was their first conversation since Tara kissed Y/N, and they both hoped it would go smoothly.

“Your shirt,” Tara said as she motioned towards it. Y/N looked a bit confused, then looked down at her shirt. “Oh, yeah,” she mumbled with a frown. “I kinda deserve it, don’t I?” She asked with a smile, but Tara saw right through it. Y/N was trying to make a joke to cover up the fact that their dynamic had changed.

Tara looked at Y/N, and the two made eye contact. For the first time since they’ve known each other, this was their first time actually seeing each other. Tara saw the frown constantly pulling on Y/N’s lips and how Y/N’s eyes spoke a thousand words for her. Those beautiful eyes that Tara got lost in on her first day were now full of hurt, regret, and love. Hurt: she hurt herself when she made Tara cry; Y/N hurt because she let a small moment of weakness destroy Tara. Regret: wishing she could take back everything she said to Tara, hoping she could start all over again. And love: Y/N wanted to wrap her arms around Tara and never let go; she wanted to protect the smaller girl from all the evil in the world. Y/N would give anything to feel Tara’s lips against hers, even for a fleeting second. She would live and die for the girl.

Y/N saw how Tara rubbed her left hand whenever she was left alone with Y/N as if she was afraid the taller girl would hurt her. She also saw how Tara seemed to please everyone, no matter how hard she had to work to get their approval. Y/N watched Tara push people away who weren’t from her hometown. Her heart broke when Tara looked at her like Y/N was someone who was only interested in her just to break her heart. Y/N had to act like she wouldn’t carve out her own heart to prove her loyalty to Tara.

The two sat in awkward silence until Anika arrived, and even then, it was still awkward silence. Once the final started, Tara would occasionally look over her left shoulder at Y/N and see the woman frantically writing down answers as if she went any slower; the answers would be erased from her mind.

When they completed the test, the three walked out of class, and Y/N placed her hand on Tara’s back. Surprised by the contact, Tara turned around to look at Y/N. She had a guilty expression on her face, something Tara was not used to seeing on the girl. “Can I talk to you?” Y/N softly asked while maintaining eye contact with Tara.

Tara searched Y/N’s eyes for anything dangerous but only found guilt and hurt. “Sure,” Tara gently said. Y/N nodded before leading Tara out of the science wing and into the parking lot.

“Where are we going, Y/N?” Tara questioned as she followed closely behind Y/N. Snow had started to fall, and Tara was more than ready to begin her Christmas break.

“Just a little further; I need to get something from my car,” Y/N replied as she faced Tara. “Don’t worry. I promise I won’t try and kill you.”

Tara didn’t find the joke funny but followed the girl nonetheless. When they reached Y/N’s car, the girl walked over to her passenger side door and opened it. She pulled out a large gift bag with the words ‘happy birthday.’ Tara went to see what was in the bag, but Y/N’s hand gently grabbed hers, stopping her. “Don’t look at it just yet. Wait until you get home. Please.” Y/N pleaded with gentle eyes and a soft smile.

Tara had a confused look as she asked, “Okay? Why do I have to wait?”

“So you don’t hate me,” Y/N replied with a smile.

“Why would I hate you?”

Y/N let out a small laugh before she replied, “Well, so you don’t hate me more than you already do.”

Tara’s heart dropped the girl’s words. All Tara wanted to do was tell Y/N that she could never hate her, not anymore. The girl has seen her at her worst but still decided to stick around. “I could never hate you, Y/N. Sometimes I want to kill you, though,” Tara said with a smile as she looked up at Y/N.

The taller girl gave Tara a soft smile as she cleared her throat, “Would it be alright with you if I walked you home?”

Tara didn’t respond; she switched the bag to her left hand and reached for Y/N’s with her right. She smiled at the girl’s hand before intertwining their fingers as they returned to Tara’s apartment.

The two walked back in silence, enjoying each other’s company. Y/N broke the silence, “So, what do you like to do?”

The air around them quickly filled with laughter. “There is no way you are trying to small talk me right now,” Tara asked between laughs while squeezing Y/N’s hand.

“Don’t judge me. I would like to know you on a more personal level. I hate the one I’m at right now,” Y/N said with a shrug of her shoulders, “But only if you want to know each other better.”

Tara bumped into Y/N’s side as she laughed at the taller girl’s words, “I would also like to know you more personally, Y/N. So then, what’s your favorite color?”

Both girls laughed at Tara’s question, but Y/N responded. The two talked about their interests and hobbies and shared a love for horror movies. Y/N never asked Tara about the scar on her hand, afraid that it would ruin whatever they were giving a chance. Tara never mentioned the kiss they shared; she was terrified it might push Y/N away if she told the girl she wasn’t that wasted and could still taste her lips.

When they arrived at Tara’s building, Y/N followed the girl to her apartment. “Follow me. I have something to give you,” Tara said as she pulled Y/N by her hand. Y/N smiled as she followed Tara mindlessly up to her apartment. She said nothing as Tara unlocked the apartment door and told Y/N to follow her inside.

The apartment was cozy, and it reminded Y/N a lot of her apartment with Anika. She followed Tara into her room. She watched Tara place her gift bag on her bed before she shuffled around in her closet and pulled out a small box wrapped in Christmas paper. “Here, this is for you. Wait until you get home to open it, though,” Tara said with a smile as she handed Y/N the box.

“Okay?” Y/N said as she accepted the small box; it was relatively light, and some moved inside when she shook it.

“Don’t shake it, you barbarian!” Tara said as she led Y/N back to the entrance of her apartment.

“Is it a bomb? I feel like that’s something you would do,” Y/N asked when she was just outside the doorway. Tara smiled as she leaned against the door frame, “Not telling.”

Y/N gave Tara a cheeky grin as she started to pull on the wrapping paper. Tara’s hand latched onto Y/N’s as she hissed out, “Not here, Y/N! Wait until you get home!”

When Tara’s hand landed on her own, Y/N felt her entire body heat up and could not contain the smile across her face. When she looked at Tara, she also had a giant smile plastered on her face. Tara’s eyes never left Y/N’s, while the taller girl’s eyes drifted down to Tara’s lips. The smaller girl caught this and decided to retake the extra step.

She slowly reached up with her left hand and cupped Y/N’s cheek, giving the taller girl time to pull away. When Y/N didn’t, Tara stood on her tippy toes and kissed the corner of Y/N’s mouth. Y/N’s cheeks instantly warmed as she grabbed Tara’s waist, she wanted to kiss the girl for real, but she didn’t want to rush anything. She wanted to know Tara before anything romantic happened between them. And Y/N could tell Tara wanted the same thing by how she looked up at her. They would both wait a thousand lifetimes for each other.

When they pulled apart from each other, they both had love in their eyes. “Okay?” Y/N asked as she started to move away from Tara.

“Okay,” Tara replied, waving at Y/N from her door. She watched Y/N round the corner and disappear.

Tara shut the door to the apartment with a smile, but it dropped as soon as she turned around. “Jesus Christ, Sam! You can’t just sneak up on me like that. You almost gave me a heart attack,” Tara exclaimed as she clutched her chest.

Sam just laughed as she followed Tara into her room. She noticed the bag on Tara’s bed and the giant smile that refused to leave her face. “So, was that her?” Sam asked with a sly smile.

“Who?” Tara questioned as she took off her shoes and sat on her bed. She was dying to open her present, but she was afraid that it might be something she didn’t want Sam to see.

“The devil you ran into on your first day.”

“Oh, yeah. That was her,” Tara said while looking down at her feet and playing with her fingers. “Wait, how’d you know?”

Sam smiled as she started to leave Tara’s room. “Because you have that glint in your eyes right now, just like you did when you first talked about her,” Sam said as she sent Tara a soft smile before leaving her room and shutting the door.

Tara groaned as she picked up the gift bag. Her curiosity couldn’t contain itself; she reached in, her face became beet red, and her heart rattled against her rib cage as she pulled out a picture.

It was a picture of her and Y/N leaning up against the tree just before Tara kissed her. They were both smiling in the picture while holding hands. Tara was looking down at their hands while Y/N was looking at Tara. She could see how Y/N’s eyes spoke for her, and she saw the love in Y/N's eyes. Tara flipped the card over and let out a small gasp.

In blue ink were the words, ‘I am sorry for how things started between us. I am sorry for the things that I have said to you; I should have treated you better. You deserve better than me, but if you would give me a chance, I would like to make it up to you. If you don’t want to, I completely understand and will respect that. But if you want to, you can text me whenever you like.

Your devil,

Y/N

XXX-XXX-XXXX’

Tara smiled as she finished reading the words. She checked to see if anything else was in the bag. She pulled out some tissue paper and found a stuffed bear. The bear had tan fur with black boxers and tiny hearts on them. The bear had on red devil horns with a red cape while holding a red trident. Tara grabbed her phone and went to send Y/N a picture of it to thank her, but she found that Y/N had already texted her with a photo.

The picture was of Y/N holding up a reversible angel+devil plushie, but with the devil side showing. The plushie had a frown with furrowed eyebrows, and Y/N was making the same face. The text said, “Thank you for the gift, Tara. I also appreciated the note you gave me that had handwritten lyrics to ‘Mean’ followed by your number that said ‘I would really like it if you texted me-or not. I don’t care,’ It kinda sends a mixed message, but I loved it either way. Happy belated birthday, Tara.”

Tara smiled at the words before replying, “I expect the devil side always to be showing <3”. She then turned off her phone and slept with her devil in her arms.