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lovelyspooks · 1 year ago

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Dance with the devil

Spencer reassures Reader that sex toys are his ally rather than his enemy. Based on:

warning: 18+ explicit content—toys, edging, overstimulation, dacryphilia, and unprotected sex; words: 3.7k

a/n: fun fact, had this prompt for more than a month but I finished it in one day. Kind of rushed, so I don't know if it's any good, to be honest

MASTERLIST

“…you picked a dance with the devil and you lucked out…”

SPENCER WAS A GOOD BOY—she meant that in the most innocent, non-sexual way possible. Her boyfriend was the epitome of manners, a gentleman in every sense of the word. He was kind and considerate, and even when he might not be in the greatest mood, he still had a way of being thoughtful and respectful to his peers.

Yet beneath his angelic, good-boy behavior, she was certain there was a part of him possessed by the devil.

Like now, for instance, there was nothing angelic about the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. It was a smile she had never seen before, a smile that seemed to hold a deeper meaning as if he had a certain agenda waiting to be carried out at the back of his head. His smile was so cunning that it was starting to unsettle her, and the more she stared at him, the more it looked eerie.

And the worst thing of it all, she was the reason he was acting this way. She was the reason why he abruptly stopped what he was about to say the moment he stepped into their shared bedroom. She was the reason why he was now standing by the door looking like he was about to commit something sinister.

Because right under the dim light of the room, his eyes were trained between her legs.

So this was what it felt like being caught red-handed doing something no one was supposed to see. Y/n had always made sure nobody knew this side of her, especially not her long-term and committed boyfriend who knew nothing of what she often did when he was traveling for work. He didn't know what went on each time she was alone without him, what she had to do to keep herself satisfied when he wasn't around.

Sudden waves of nerves coursed through her body as she felt her heart pounding wildly in her chest. It felt as if she was caught cheating. Well, if having a pink silicone vibrator nestled between her thighs was actually considered cheating. Maybe it was. Maybe not. But whatever it might be, the look on his face did not seem good.

"I-I can explain." She slowly sat up, her hand letting go of her precious toy while the other hand grabbed onto her shirt, fixing it slightly as it ruffled around her waist.

Her nervousness intensified as he slowly approached her. His steps were deliberate, and measured, but there was something disconcerting about the way he moved. A faint smile played upon his lips, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

She swallowed hard, her throat suddenly dry, as he drew closer, and the sinister undertone of his expression became more clear. Her heart hammered in her chest, not knowing whether to interpret his smile as a friendly gesture or a warning sign. The room seemed to close in around them and the atmosphere grew thick with tension as he slowly climbed onto the bed, the bed sinking beneath his weight.

"Spence?"

He simply looked up at her but remained silent. His smile remained unchanged, a mask that concealed his true intentions. She desperately wished he would at least speak. She fidgeted uncomfortably, her nerves fraying at the edges as she waited for him to break the silence.

And then suddenly, and deliberately slow, she saw him picking up her vibrator which had laid forgotten by her feet. She could feel the warmth spreading along her cheeks as he examined it, turning it over his hand as if it were the most interesting thing he had ever seen in his entire life.

The tension in the room was almost unbearable as he finally broke the silence. She braced herself for his words, her pulse quickening, her nerves on edge. But what he said was far from what she had expected.

With an unsettling calmness, he uttered, "You know, I've always wondered what they looked like."

His unexpected words hung in the air. While she wasn't sure of his true intentions, it appeared that he wasn't expressing anger or displeasure, which was entirely different than how she had imagined him to react. "W-wait, you're not mad?"

"Because you use this? No," he admitted, still examining the long, pink device, intrigued by its shape as he studied the curved end. "But I am disappointed that you had to keep it a secret from me."

Her mind raced, searching for the right words to respond. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings." When he simply flashed a confused look, she explained, "Some men don't like it when their partner gets off using something else that isn't them."

"Let me guess. What you meant by some men, you meant your exes."

"A few of them, yes."

He smiled again. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not one of them then."

Her eyes glazed over him with uncertainty, her words coming out in a hesitant whisper. "So... you're not mad?"

His smile remained, though it seemed to shift subtly as he shook his head slowly. "No, not at all," he replied, his tone still calm and measured. "I'm more curious, actually."

Her brow furrowed in response. "Curious?"

"Mh-hmm." Then his eyes went back to the device, discovering a small button on the bottom. Curiosity got the better of him and he pressed it, his eyes widening slightly as it vibrated in his hand. He clicked on the upper button, his brows shooting upwards when the vibration intensified. "I didn't know it has a lot of settings."

Her cheeks burned with a deep flush. What was happening? Was he really finding her vibrator interesting? And when she thought things couldn't get worse, her stomach flipped when he turned it over again, the evidence of her arousal coating the end of her toy glistening under the light.

Dear god, couldn't the floor just open up and swallow her whole?

He then surprised her with his next words.

"Lay down for me."

His unexpected request took her completely off guard. Her eyes widened, her heart raced even faster, and her embarrassment transformed into sheer bewilderment.

"Lay down," he repeated, his voice sounding more firm and commanding.

His tone left her with little room for hesitation. She swallowed hard, her heart pounding in her chest, and she slowly lowered herself to the bed, her apprehension mounting with each passing moment.

Above her, Spencer fumbled with the buttons again, figuring out the mechanics of what they do, and when he was done figuring out how the toy worked, he powered it on to the lowest setting and looked at her expectantly. The tension in the room intensified to an almost unbearable level as she watched him push her knees apart.

"W-What are you doing?" She gasped, the cold air hitting her exposed skin.

"Continuing where you left off."

Then suddenly, and without warning, he pressed the vibrator directly to her clit. Her eyes rolled back in both shock and pleasure as a humiliatingly high-pitched squeal escaped out of her slack-jawed mouth.

It was set to the lowest vibration option, but she had been playing with herself before this. And now with Spencer doing the work, pressing her toy right against her already wet folds, she was already squirming beneath him. The buzzing became higher in pitch as he went up one set, and the sensation became too much to handle.

"This is fun," he whispered as she started and squirm away. His thumb briefly brushed over her clit, causing her to gasp, and he breathed out a quiet laugh before pressing the vibrator against her once more. The pleasure was starting to increase every time he moved the toy around her, rubbing it back and forth vertically in quick motions.

"You know what would be more fun?" He answered his own question by moving the toy above her clit, and with one swift motion, not one, but two of his fingers plunged into her. Her back arched at the double sensation, mouth hanging open as he curled his fingers inside her while the vibrator pressed against her clit.

Her legs shook violently to the simulation and Spencer saw the way her body trembled, noticing the sign of her climax coming in close. Seeing her thighs quiver set off a hunger in him, a desire for her to surrender completely to his command. He wanted to see her melt into nothingness. He wanted to see her lose herself in pleasure.

Grunting, he adjusted his fingers inside her, containing their thrusts as his other hand turned the vibration higher. The vibration heightened her senses. It was becoming harder to suppress her mewls as the pressure became more intense as she closed her eyes, throwing her head back, feeling the intensity grow.

She was so close he could feel her clenching around his fingers, and with a devious grin, he increased the vibrations once more. She cried out his name as the pressure kept building. Her mind was spinning. Her body was at its breaking point.

"I-I'm gonna—"

He turned off the toy and pulled his fingers out. Her eyes snapped open.

"Wha..." she looked at him with half-lidded eyes, her chest heaving frantically. "W-Why did you stop?"

He smiled at the sight before him. Her skin was sweltering against her shirt, sweat damped on her forehead and neck, her thighs were apart, and a vibrator stuck between her legs, sleek with her arousal. "We're just getting started."

And then he grabbed onto her last piece of clothing and helped her pull it over her head. Her taught nipples greeted him and his skin brushed against them, his wide hands softly squeezing her breasts as his thumb circled around the nub.

"So beautiful," he praised, his eyes traveling down her body, legs spread open for him to enjoy. Her sex was throbbing from his teasing, and it took him a lot of self-control not to bury himself deep inside her right at that moment. Instead, he leaned back and unbuttoned his dress shirt, his eyes never leaving hers as he slowly slipped off his clothes.

His pants were next, then came off his briefs, and then there he was again, back in between her legs wearing nothing but a smirk on his lips as her eyes focused on his hard length resting against his thighs. He hummed in satisfaction at the look she was giving him, and because she looked so damn irresistible, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his in a slow, lazy kiss.

He tasted every inch of her, his tongue colliding against hers hungrily, getting lost in the sweet taste of her before pulling away, a string of saliva stretching between their parted lips. Her chest heaved as she watched him grab onto her vibrator again, and with that cunning smile curled at the corner of his lips, he placed the toy against her mouth.

"Suck," he commanded.

She looked at him hesitantly, but beneath his penetrating gaze, she slowly wrapped her lips around the pink silicone. Her tongue danced around it, tasting the initial burst of her own arousal. Her eyes looked up to him as her cheeks hollowed slightly with each gentle suck before he pulled it out of her mouth.

"Good girl," he grunted, sliding the toy down her body, leaving a wet trail along her skin. "Never knew you can take orders so well." His other hand then gently brushed her inner thighs. "Let's continue again, shall we?"

His fingers pressed against her sex before spreading her lips apart, leaning down to spit directly in between them. She felt his saliva make contact down her body, and her back arched just in time for him to push the toy into her, sliding it so effortlessly between her swollen lips.

It vibrated inside her as he clicked the button, the sensation traveling along her body as her fingers gripped onto the sheets. Spencer watched as she squirmed beneath him. He watched as the device disappeared inside her, her arousal pooling down her thighs, drenching the bed underneath them.

"You're making such a mess," he mused between his constant teasing, thrusting the vibrator into her. "Are you always this wet while using this?"

She shook her head helplessly. "N-No," her voice came out as a needy whine while his fingers slid around the toy, pulling her lips apart to get a better view.

"This is all for me then?" He pushed in deeper, satisfied with the way her body was reacting. "How did I get so lucky?"

The noises her body was making were so lewd. The way he was thrusting the toy inside her had her gasping for air, her head turning side to side against the pillow as the coil in her stomach tightened. Her eyes glanced between them, and the sight of her swollen sex being teased to the point she wondered if this was torture. The lines between pleasure and pain were starting blur.

"You're close again, aren't you?" She wasn't sure how she managed to respond to him, but she did, bobbing her head up and down. "Too bad I'm not going to let you."

He pulled out the vibrator from her and she whined at the sudden emptiness. "Please," she whispered, her voice almost a breath, a prayer, and a plea all in one.

"Oh, you're begging now?" He gazed down at her, his eyes mirroring the hunger that had consumed her. "You are desperate." He watched as she bucked her hips against nothing, desperately searching for friction. "Be a good girl for me and hold it."

He then pressed the vibrator against her clit with its highest speed, circling over it ever so slightly, before sinking it back inside her almost roughly.

"Oh my god," she gasped. "Baby, I-I can't."

"Hold it," he ordered. "Don't come until I give you my permission."

Her breath quickened as she tried to focus on controlling her body, but it was too much, too fucking��much that she found her eyes watering from her restrain. He noticed the small teardrops had now welled up and spilled over, streaming over her cheeks. Her thick, delicate lashes stuck together as she tried to bat the tears away.

"You're crying now?" He muttered, fascinated at her reaction.

He shouldn't have felt good about this, it was such a disgusting thought to actually take pleasure in seeing the tears run down her face. But she was gorgeous when she cried, almost angelic. Her glassed irises and furrowed brows bring about an innocence to her that she didn't always show. It was hard to feel bad for when she looked this fucking pretty while she sobbed.

"Spencer, please," she pleaded, her voice sounding more like a strangle than a moan.

"Hold it. You're going to come when I tell you to come."

"N-No," she sobbed, her body convulsing as the pleasure took her body. There was nothing left to feel than the urge to embrace her long-awaited release. "Please, please, please."

"Shhh," he whispered, his other free hand wiping away the tear escaping from the corner of her eye. "Just a little longer."

"Spence, I-I don't think I can."

He also didn't think he could hold any longer. But he be damned if he didn't wait another few seconds when she looked so good writhing underneath him, gasping his name desperately like a prayer on her lips.

"Tell me what you need." When she didn't respond, too busy focusing on controlling her breath and the sensation building up in her stomach, he urged on, "Come on, beg for it."

A strangled whimper ripped through her body.

"Please, please," her words come out muffled as she trembled from the way he was pressing the toy deeper into her. It felt good, so fucking good, but she wanted to feel him. She needed to feel his skin against hers so badly. "I need you inside me, please."

He groaned and pulled the toy out of her before lining up his cock between her slit, gasping in pleasure when he slowly pushed himself into her. Her vision blurred until she couldn't distinguish her surroundings. His hand fell to her stomach, where he could, undoubtedly, feel the head of his cock nudging one of her internal organs. She felt extremely full as she endured the pressure of him inside her.

"Fuck, baby," she breathed out. "Please."

He took no time to move, leaning forward and prompting himself with his arms on either side of her head. His hips began thrusting into her wildly, desperately, deranged in his need. Everything was all-consuming for her as her whole body burned from the way his cock slammed into her, each thrust filling her walls until she was nothing but a whining mess, begging for release.

Her whines seemed to push him further, praise falling from his lips as her hips trembled beneath his relentless pace. Her walls spasmed around him, clinging tightly to his shaft as the coil in her snapped. Then he moved forward and that particular move earned a yelp from her. He pushed forward with deep, powerful strokes, circling and angling down to hit that fleshy, soft patch buried too far for his fingers or her toy could reach.

He gasped when he felt her walls clenching around him hard. She was panting, looking at him with desperate need and it was then he finally decided to give her what she had been begging for.

"Go on, come for me, sweet girl," he groaned as she devolved into incoherent sounds.

She finally came with a cry—loud, intense, and desperate. She came while her body shook, her legs trembling, and her lips hanging open in ecstasy as the sensation overwhelmed her over and over again. And when she thought she was done, he never slowed down his movements. Instead, he thrust faster into her, the wet sound of skin hitting against skin filling the room.

She wasn't capable of controlling herself anymore now, wanting to touch something but she was too weak from all the pleasure, so weak she could barely move her limbs, let alone make an intentional, concerted effort to grab onto a part of him.

So her mouth, hanging open in a heavy pant, was the next best option. She turned her head and leaned into his forearms, bracing him and holding him up above her. Giving him that leverage that let him thrust into her so deeply. And then her brain went blurry. Empty, save for the pleasure burning in her body and the humming of his name repeating over and over like a mantra.

She pressed her open mouth against his skin, breathing raggedly in some form of relief, her tongue gliding over his sweat-salted skin as she felt the muscle contract underneath. She dragged her lips side to side, drooling almost as he thrust deep into her. She groaned against his arm as her eyes rolled deep back into her head.

"You're still coming, aren't you?" Spencer asked above her, humor evident in his voice although she was beyond the point of comprehension.

But she managed to nod her head absently, lips mashing against his skin, and heard his laughter in her ears. "That's it. You're doing so well."

The sounds uncontrollably coming out of her were lewd and disgusting, mostly incoherent, but she didn't feel any shame anymore. All she cared about was the feeling of him so deep inside, hitting that perfect spot over and over again. She was such a mess, she knew that. All sweat and tears, all desperate and eager.

"You're so tight," he grunted, his movements growing sloppy as he began to feel the tightness in his stomach. "Fuck, I'm gonna come."

And then he leaned down and hovered above her, his lips brushing against hers but not quite kissing her. "Please," he mumbled against her open mouth, and she couldn't tell if he was begging for forgiveness or for permission.

Spencer couldn't think anymore. Nothing coherent, at least. His senses were drowning in everything that was her. Her scent, her skin, her breath. He then hit that spot inside her, so incredibly warm around him, and he clasped his eyes tightly as his pleasure faded into a glowing heat spreading inside her body. He grunted into her open mouth, giving her everything he could offer while she accepted everything she could take.

He finally collapsed on top of her as he breezed through his release, endorphins surging through his veins. Y/n pressed a hand to his cheek and his eyes fluttered open, slightly pushing himself up to stare into her eyes.

"Was I too much?" He barely whispered.

"...no," she managed to gasp out, still trying to calm her pulse.

"Good."

Then he sat back up and moved his hips back before thrusting forward again. She looked at him in bewilderment as she watched him grab her toy, pressing it back between their still joint bodies.

She was dumbfounded. Stunned. Astonished. There was not enough synonyms in the dictionary to describe how flabbergasted she was now. And suddenly she thought of all the good traits he had, all the good words and praises people had always described him to be.

He's so smart and kind.

He's the most thoughtful person.

He can be such an angel.

She wanted to laugh. It was more likely that she was dancing with the devil now.

"What?" He whispered, that cunning smile of his creeping back on his face. "Did you think I was done?"

Her body started to squirm again. Spencer had always been a good boy—just not for tonight.

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#whewwwwww #lord have mercy #this man 😮‍💨#spencer reid x female reader #spencer reid x reader

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aberfaeth · 15 days ago

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cleo @chasedeys made one of these and im procrastinating various responsibilities and tasks so i said why not! long-winded rationale below the cut and i mean LONNGGGGGG. full of haterisms but also love <3

ONE PRIDE

my babies my sweeties my cinnamon applessss the whole reason i got genuinely into football in like 2022 was bc i watched them nearly not eat shit against the bills on thanksgiving while my uncle sitting next to me explained the Fucking Curse i.e. that the lions will always lose in whatever way is most devastating to the people who care about their success. and i went HEY! NARRATIVE!!! and now the lions are REALLY GOOD and still managing to lose in the way most devastating to the people who care about their success. as i've said many a time i truly hope some enterprising individual exhumes and exorcises the bones of bobby layne i think that's the only way out but in all earnestness getting INTO into football these past few months i am so grateful these are our guys even through all the emotional turmoil. they've got an energy in the locker room i genuinely haven't seen replicated anywhere else in the league like those guys all adore each other unreservedly and they adore dan and it's so special to watch. LONGASS PLAYER RANT INCOMING amon-ra st brown my princess with so many mental problems one of these days i'm gonna make a webweave about how he has all sixteen wide receivers drafted before him and their colleges memorized and also how his dad gave him and his brothers the "st" because he thought it would look good on a jersey and had him lifting weights age 5 like. john brown you seem like a wonderful father i just think your children might have complexes. JAH AND MONTY SONIC AND KNUCKLES MY TWO HEADED MONSTER they're everything to me the way it's just purely admiration and support between them even though splitting touches is probably not the best for their careers like they just genuinely loved each other from the jump. i get emo thinking about all the shit they've each been through and to be able to come to the lions at the same time and just. find each other and feel safe enough in detroit to let themselves loose and have fun RAUGH. jg16 im the worlds number one jared goff glazer idgaf i will sing his praises from the mountaintop. im not like delusional i know he isn't in the same conversation as lamar/josh/joe/That Devil but i think the idea that the lions need a dual threat qb is so ridiculous like yeah we certainly are lacking offensive weapons here with our #2 ranked yards per game THE POINT is that a qb is more than just stats and jared goff is a leader of men like that offensive line would all take ten bullets for him and it's because he is a genuinely kind person and so so so easy to love. god. um. TA TERRION ARNOLD MY OTHER PRINCESS WITH NO MENTAL PROBLEMS AT ALL FRANKLY seeing him excited and smiley after the divisional loss bc why would you not be excited going 15-2 as a rookie hitting an insane amount of snaps most of your player core young and still on contract the world is laid out in front of you!!!!! cured my depression and i can't wait to see him continue to come into his own GOD the secondary is all so fond of each other thinking about him and kerby That's My Rook I Don't Let Nobody Play By My Rook..him and bb....him and dmo jah and craig in the who would you let date your daughter youtube short SHAKING MY FIST AT THE SKY sam laporta!!!!!!!!!!! my golden receiver king of the one handed dive catch im obsessed with his vernacular like only guy alive to use "sick" and "preposterous" in the same sentence how are you from illinois and have half a surfer accent JAMOOOOOO in possession of the best laugh in the known universe and such a goddamn weirdo like the mcflurry burger thing and his apparently Eclectic music taste let me see your spotify downloads please HUTCH!!! absolutely vicious ice cold hilarious but also so levelheaded did you guys know he listens to instrumentals to hype himself up before games like. he gave hans zimmer as an example. so many more tooooo i didnt even mention lif or penei or craig or any of the kicking unit or our free agents like tim and cd3 IM JUST. man. the detroit lions. Man

deep and enduring fondness

bengals every day i think about the post that's like. joe wearing ja'marr's old worn natty jersey to a bengals game day, the greatest love story of all time is happening in the graveyard of fandoms if this was hockey there would be skywriting about it. BECAUSE IT'S REAL joemarr genuinely baffle me with the level of insane devotion they have to each other like just off the top of my head. ja'marr saying joe's like a god to him. "i've never [played without ja'marr]had that, and i don't wanna have that" "[i work] with joe only. i don't throw with other quarterbacks--i don't wanna". joe burrow #1 in the league pat who. the fucking pinky swear handshake the donut thing "we did a lot of stuff but not on a boat"???? "he try flying knee kicks on me sometime" "we mess around every now and then" "make sure your bags are packed and ready i didn't believe it but he proved me wrong" the clothes saga ANYWAYS. TEEEEEE HIGGINSSSSSSS another guy who like. i read his players tribune article and god he has been through so much and to come out so KIND he is a little piece of the sun in a human body the reaction timer video with ja’marr cheering him on in the bg “forget batman he’s fucking superman” and joe and ja’marr obviously love him so much would sign him themselves “wanna play with him for eternity” if the bengals FO lets him go i fear i will never forgive them. & i know there are other players on this team and i care for them also (mike! 23rookies! trey! ctb!) butjesus christ joeteemarr the world…. vikings closest rival to lions in pure strength of culture i think like god that video of everyone lifting sam onto their shoulders !!! :') cam and his dance recitals.... josh metellus king of the locker room interview....justin jefferson and his beautiful big brown eyes like a cow every time i saw him on the sideline of that rams game i had to put my face in my hands and be so sad for him. and KOC!!! like i said with dan its so so special when you can tell a team just fucking adoooooores their coach and it's so clear with KOC that he really is a player's coach OH AND ALSO IK HE'S INJURED BUT JJ MCCARTHY MICHIGAN BOY he's gonna carry next year i just know it ravens so my aunt lives in baltimore and owns a purple car that she bought because that's how much she loves the ravens. i lived in bmore for 4 years so they're one of my hometown teams too!! obviously lamar jackson is the people's princess and there's nothing more in the universe i want than for him to succeed like he is so goddamned talented and he's such a sweetheart and i really need to try his cologne IT WAS SO CUTE WHEN THEY PASSED IT AROUND THE LOCKER ROOM AND EVERYONE WAS COMPLIMENTING IT LIKEE anyways "kick everybody ass hit everybody hit the r--i was about to say hit the ref DO NOT HIT THE REFS" his lil giggles when he gets tackled i CARE ABOUT HIMMMMMM OKAYYYYYY also london @glittersgloom and cleo have opened my eyes to the beautiful world of derrick henry and i need to find like. clips of him micd or something hey if anyone is reading this can you send me derrick henry content thank you panthers BRYCE YOUNGGGGGG MY SHAYLAAAAA he has had such a whirlwind two years and im so goddamn proud of him (context my parents live in NC so the panthers are also a hometown team LMFAO i get too damn attached to Locations) that one clip of robert hunt saying dont call him BY Reap cause he said it sounded a lil evil leave that baby alone...... his room just so clearly adores him as they SHOULD !!! chuba adam and xavier too I REALLY BELIEVE IN THE PANTHERS SWEEPING THE NFC SOUTH NEXT YEAR I DO

i like em

cowboys so when i was in middle school in new jersey and everyone around me was a giants fan but i had quirky girl disorder i decided i was going to be Cool and Different and root for the dallas cowboys because my dad had dez bryant on his fantasy team and so i do have a lingering fondness for them even though tony romo's stupid voice pisses me off every sunday. and CEEDEEEEEE CEEDEE LAMB most beautiful man in the world i wish all happiness and success for him bills, texans started making that your graduation stosh edit last week had a panic attack bon appetit no but for real the Narrative. absolutely agonizing. i love when men say insane things about each other like "Since I met him, it kinda clicked. You don't click with everybody. That's somebody I felt like, damn, I could grow old with you. I can see myself with you for a while" and then GET DIVORCED #SAD anyways. i love you cj stroud i love you dion dawkins giants, commanders MALIK NABERS WE WILL GET YOU OUT OF NEW YORK !!!!!! in all seriousness though that clip of jayden picking him up from behind and swinging him around lives rent free in my head and it's london's fault (love you). division rivals and you're cheering for him at his playoff game Mannnnn lsu strikes again. for real though jayden daniels rookie of the decade im enamored by him and his effortless chill demeanor i hope he comes back and wins a ring but like not in the next five years because the lions have to sweep the division for at least half a decade dolphins, pats, jets i've got homies who like these guys!!! shoutout to my roommate's dad and two of my coworkers <3 i like when mike had to get on his tippy toes to kiss the side of tua's head i like that the pats are such a failgirl team without tom brady and i like that the jets are gunning for the longest playoff drought in all of superbowl era nfl history. good luck aaron glenn i'm sure you will have a different go of it than the eight million one and done defensive jets HCs before you (genuine)

neutral zone of obscurity

not much to say here. i like that the bucs had that thing with the duck that was fun. and im tempted to start caring about the jags on account of it would be funny to collect the nfl kitty teams like pokemon. otherwise no thoughts im sorryyyyyy

mild distaste and/or extreme ambivalence

rams i care about matthew stafford i really do. he took such shit for the lions for so goddamn long. on the other hand you get him on a hot mic oneeeeee time saying shit about kerby joseph after a completely clean tackle and now all of a sudden everyone and their mother is an expert on tackling tight ends and the prevailing narrative that he's a dirty player is actually affecting his livelihood (pro bowl noms) and that pisses me off. mr stafford apologize right neow eagles god their fans are the worst in the fucking league. genuinely atrocious and it makes me kinda hate them even though i like jalen (THE POST RAMS INTERVIEW WHERE HES DEF OFF A PERC TALKING IN RHYMING COUPLETS GIGGLING AND SHIT) and aj and honestly ok saquon on the eagles is their main redeeming factor like i would be truly happy for him to win a ring i really would bears division rivals except they aren't as fun as the vikes so they get put down here. caleb williams my pookie we'll get you an oline don't you even worry about it. genuinely though i do love him like it seems like it should be such a nothing thing in the year of our lord 2025 but the fact that dudebros are still insanely homophobic about the nail polish in any given comment section makes me very proud of him for sticking with it. it looks very nice on you caleb. BEN JOHNSON WE ARE NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS (i understand this was the only logical choice for him and we're lucky to have had him this year and he's a brilliant offensive mind and i'm sure he'll do great things but TO OUR OWN DIVISION????? BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

genuine devilry occurring here

49ers ok i have all the respect in the world for the frock warriors on this website but the 49ers do kind of disgust me as a team writ large like. watching receivers on netflix and you genuinely would not be able to tell deebo and george are on the same team bc they are straight up segregated like cmc's wedding and george's birthday party come straight out of a midsommar outtake and this is not even to mention that awful little freak nick bosa like i do hope he gets cte and it ruins his life and career heart emoji browns fuck deshaun watson im so serious until that team gets rid of him i will be praying and cheering for their downfall every single time chiefs ohh this is last because it's my boring bitch answer like the chiefs are barely fun to hate on anymore cause everyone's doing it but i do believe they have access to some dark devilish magics and i am tired of seeing taylor swift on my goddamn television. sorry women. on a realer note i am still not fond of kareem hunt like im not saying people can't grow and change esp after seven? years but he did assault a teenager on tape and i think you maybe shouldn't be allowed to sign a million dollar contract after doing that OH MY GOD AND HARRISON BUTKER. ANOTHER ABSOLUTE FREAK. FUCK THE CHIEFS SERIOUSLY

green bay

#WHEWWWWWW and that was a fun way to spend my morning. if you read all that. im kissing you on the mouth #detroit lions #cincinnati bengals #tagging those cause i have tags for em already #football

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