#WHATEVER am i insane be honest
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media can't convince me that how many people are in your family doesn't define at least half of your personality. i could go on and on and on about this
#if youre the youngest between two brothers it shows. if you're the oldest in a family of 5 it shows. if you have two sisters it shows#it's about the dynamics!!! older brother AND older sister vs two older brothers vs two older sisters those are all different people!!!#maybe it's a me thing tho. usually i can tell from the first five minutes whether someone has siblings and how many. am i insane#give me twenty minutes and I'll tell you with a 50/50 accuracy their genders. once guessed on a nb older sibling#the proudest moment of my life#WHATEVER am i insane be honest#habitina personal
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How much longer 'til the snake breaks free? How much longer 'til your great days cease? How much longer 'til your strength takes leave? You rely on wit, and people die on it, whoa
#sidestep#ortega#chen#anathema#fhr#pulp draws#really rough and shitty animatic because i made this in 3 hours with the worst editing program known to man BUT TO THE TWO (2) EPIC THE-#MUSICAL FHR ENJOYERS IN THE CHAT. DO YOU SEE THE VISION OR AM I INSANE. BE HONEST#i literally cannot stop thinking about ortega as odysseus but like#Only ortega as odysseus#i can Not imagine any other fhr character as the cast#maybe chen as eurylochus but even then their ideals diverge a lot#making this animatic made me realize its never elaborated in text How chen tried to kill himself during hb#which means reality is whatever i want (unless theres a patreon post about it)#so to me sui step and chen are blow your brains out buddies <3#me: im gonna try to get this done quick so ill make sure not to focus on making it look good#me immediately: if i dont draw anathemas hand right im starting heartbreak 2.0#I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO DRAW THE ENTIRETY OF SIDESTEPS MASK IN THE LAST PANEL#FUCK#IGNORE THAT
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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Today, this card confirmed my theory that if Lucifer isn't in the running Nightmare and there's a card I want in it, he will do EVERYTHING in his power to give me anything BUT the card I want (I got the UR+ Diavolo instead of Belphie in The Perfect Shot! and I got 2 copies of an SSR Satan card I already maxed out on Satan's birthday Nightmare meanwhile I do the free one pull on three different Nightmares featuring him and BAM Lucifer is home)
I have more Lucifer cards than anyone else I have 5 that are SSR and above he's trying so hard to be the number one but I will make sure that Belphie, Levi, Asmo, and Satan look down on this man I WILL find a way even though he's catching up to Satan at an alarming rate
Anyway at least he was generous enough to give me the Levi SSR and two new R Levi cards this time lmao
And wow does he know that I hate Luke and dislike Simeon and Solomon I have like no cards of those three
#Hi I like rambling about the stupid things Lucifer has done to my Obey Me account it's absolutely insane to me if I'm completely honest#rasazy's ramblings#the traveler talks about obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me nightmare#and stuff and tags and whatever I am so fucking tired idk what I'm doing anymore I might delete this later I might not idk#I might not even remember this post#obey me lucifer#LUFICER LMFAO THAT'S A SUGGESTED TAG???????? HOW MANY TIMES DO PEOPLE MISPELL HIS NAME TO GET THAT#obey me
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Not me finding this actually interesting... dashiel reaves strikes again
#and i if i am being honest dick and jason is actually more interesting that batman and joker....#because jason and bruce is never going to be done well so you know....#me saying this as if i liked battle for the cowl which is similar to this too#the thing is that dick keeps saying jason is insane when he is actually not and jason is just doing whatever just because (aka for the plot)#so yesh....#talking tag#red hood#nightwing#jason todd
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marvel.com slash contact
#hello I am some weird guy I want to tell you about my beautiful daydream world so you can put it on your tv show#this is genuinely probably how I would phrase it#I'd get a little freaky with it and pull like horror visuals from the inferno episode and mix that with the cyberpunk#I think longshot era mojoworld had rules and a lot of structure and everything was very tightly controlled by mojo#if longshot is not very far out from the. moment when mojo & the spineless ones became crazy (when arize transmitted the#TV broadcasts from earth)#then mojoworld hasn't really seen much evolution in the way the world works by the time we meet longshot#I think the physics are different there and 'magic' exists (really just magic to us because it's different physical laws)#and the universe is kinda duct taped together with magic and Spiral's will or whatever and outside the universe is the wildways#which are all cosmic horror whatever#and over time that starts to bleed in. you know. by the time 'star comes around#I just want. time horror. infinite chaos horror. probability horror. and of course The Doppelgänger#I also just want someone to animate his hair soooooooo badly please please please I saw it in my dreams. literally#Do I sound insane be honest
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what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right
#this is rhetorical look away!!!!#it’s an either/or : this or trying to go to grad school#but the thing is#at some point i convinced myself that a change of place and building a new life would make me happier than rotting in my parents house#in my hometown where i feel like im in a timeloop sometimes#but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go#it’s not a fixable thing#being around beth is a bandaid on it#so maybe i should slap the bandaid on buy a plane ticket and then. whatever i will be sad After or#i know i sound insane but the thing about being obsessive is that when one person physically has your back when you are 20 years old#it makes sense that they feel like the only thing that will help fix it#sorry this sounds strung out i have like three different things in my system that i will sleep off and be fine im not having a meltdown#this just feels like a Decision To Be Made and i thought typing it out would help give me some clarity or whatever#made a list but i wrote ‘washed your hair when you couldnt do it’ and i’ll be so honest that’s all the convincing i need to do#anything they ask of me ever#idk where my bank card is so no financial decisions tonight anyway#if u have read all of that. apologies and goodnight x#n
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holy shit change of plan. no more fucking around this month I have been asked to be Back on My Bullshit
#bakuspeech#and by that I mean: Raph is calling me back to draw another character card for The Zone RPG#FAQ: will this have consequences on my hands? probably yeah#am I going to do it? yeah#what does this mean for the ink stuff? well. Im gonna be honest with you guys. thats gonna have to be next month#after this one I will need a Serious break for my hands. so I wont be drawing digitally for a while after anyway#lol I think the world is conspiring to force me to write for three months again. this happened last year also remember those three months#well! whatever will come will come. and what's arrived now is This. and listen. no way in hell am I letting this one go#I saw the full character spread. its pretty fucking good. and now there are More#so uh! thats what happened to me on this evening. and thats the plan for at least the rest of the month#see u guys on the other side! thank u for hangin out with me thru the last over a year of insane baku art turbulences#have a good mermay eat a fish and be wet
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i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.
#i am trying ao hard not to fall back into old habits rn but jesus CHRIST brooooooooo#i havent been able to get barely any time with the staff i need for the past two days and now#theyre like 40mins late with my meds bc of another tenant#and its not even like theyre WITH the other tenant rn btw there are two members of staff sat in the office just talking#and its like bro. BROOOOOOOO#like they know this shit is SO triggering and i know they cant help some stuff but i still feel like i should be able to get my meds on time#if they arent actively with another tenant#its such a small thing but it helps my brain remember that actually they do still care abt me lol#all ive wanted to do since like wednesday was just watch a movie with my fp now that we’re cool again#and i was waiting in the lounge for like an hour and no one even came in#and its not like we planned anything so im not mad or whatever im just frustrated that#i had a rlly shit night last night and a pretty shit day today#and there just isnt anyone around to talk to bc theyre all dealing with someone else#or not even just sat around talking or whatever#idk this shit makes me wanna punch things burn everything to the ground and then kill myself if im being totally honest rn#and like last night and this isnt my therapists fault or anything but ahe wasnt able to pick up#and i managed to get thru it but it just added to the feeling like no one gave a shit#and its past nine again so she probs wouldnt be able to pick up now even tho i kinda need help again#idk this shit just. its so fucking triggering and i feel insane and so tightly wound#and ive been putting so much effort into my stupid therapy and i just wanna let go and have a full on meltdown again#i wanna take a bunch of pills and scream and cry and throw things and argue and just LET GO#cuz i feel like thats my ‘true nature’ and everything else is just me faking#or masking#AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT ITS SO MUCH EFFORT AND I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING NOTHING BACK
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so the body customisation in BG3 is basically just a choice between 2 bodies. the default one and an even more muscular/buff body. they only added a muscular body, they didn’t add a skinny one, right?
#Baldur's Gate 3#character creator#I might have missed it... they showed it quite quickly so correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think there is a third body option#BG3#my post#my posts#I am a little disappointed by that to be honest... although I also would have been fine with no body customisation#but I do feel like if they add a muscular one then it would have been only fair to add a skinny one as well#I mean the default options in games are already not ''average'' or normal... it was already very fit#but the gamer bros asked for insanely buff because they wanna play as gym obsessed mcu superhero body type#and they can have it... but then we could have been given the option to play as a skinny or average guy or girl because default isn't that#and I know... I know... everyone is happy we can have very buff fighter badass girlies...#but like I said I don't think the buff body was added to satisfy the lesbians lmao ... that's a lucky side effect...#and it just would have been nice to have a simpler body type... ehh..#whatever#text post#bg3 mine#panel from hell#july 7#7th of july#textposts#my thoughts
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i swear i have tmnt opinions yall are not ready for
#hannah.txt#it might not be on here but at least on tiktok theres this like feud between rise fans and 2012 fans right#and its like. i get it if you dont want to call rottmnt your favorite tmnt adaptation. but like 2012? really lol?#specifically people saying its better than rise and its like thats insane to me im sorry#if you want to say the 2003 version is better than rise then you know what? sure absolutely. 2003 goes hard. but like 2012?#to set the record straight i like tmnt 2012 i enjoy it. but not because it is good lmao. writing wise it is an absolute trainwreck#however its an extremely funny trainwreck and it has bits of salvageable characters and arcs#and its like#i dont want to be one of those new fans hating on the old shit or whatever because i really am not#but speaking as someone who is watching through all 3 shows. 2012 is bad and by bad i mean like inconsistent. extremely inconsistent#and like to sit there and say rise is worse than 2012 with your full chest is some unbelievable nostalgia blindness#i luv the 2012 characters and the show is hysterical however a goof 50% it is hysterical on accident and not on purpose#sometimes these 'old fans' (a little funny bc they're obsessed with what was the newest tv show before rise)#are so obsessed with familiar that any break from that is so mind shattering to ttem that they hate it#and heres the thing 2012 is not a wholely bad show i think it is an extremely 2012 show + the writing is misogynistic and not thought out#its just like idk. im not that heated about it i think its just really funny#how dedicated some people are to defending the show with an inc//est plotline and the worst romantic subplots ever#like. are you allowed to like it despite its flaws? 100% . like i said i like it a lot despite my criticisms#but like saying its better than rise or 2003 for that matter... come on now. face reality my friend. be honest w urself#ok rant over LMFAO
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when are they gonna invent something that makes periods stop altogether this birth control aint doing shit
#i had to leave work early again because i started bleeding like crazy out of NOWHERE!!!! i thought this was over with!!#it's also insane bc i've been bleeding consistently since the BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER#it has been very light most of the time and i thought it was actually letting up bc i've barely bled the past couple days#but suddenly in the middle of the day i just had tons of bleeding and huge blood clots again. like it used to be#why the fuck am i taking this shit if it's not fucking doing anything.#i fucking hate it here. i'm so miserable and i'm in pain because my fucking shoulders and back are killing me#i'm so tired of living like this!!! to be honest!!!! :(#i also feel pathetic bc of my double shots yesterday so i'm just really tired on top of it all. god whatever. sorry for this post.#chatpost#i took two ibuprofen before i left work an hour ago and either it's not doing anything or hasnt kicked in yet because i also have a fucking#headache :( im so sad
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yeah i'm still waiting for good omens the musical and i'll keep waiting as long as it takes so i don't think i have much of a problem waiting for go3 (if it comes)
#i want to hear 'i don't want to go to heaven' so mothefcuking BADDDDDDDDD i think it would make me insane#anyways. book aziraphale and crowley 🤝 radio aziraphale and crowley (vaguely married and chilling for the most part)#show crowley and aziraphale 🤝 musical crowley and aziraphale (dramatic gay divorce)#bluebird.txt#imma be honest also.....i'm not saying i don't want s3 but i am saying that if we never got it i would probably be fine#it's already weird (even though i liked it) to have an s2 and i do really want to know what neil gaiman and terry pratchett#had planned for a second book#but like. idk. i think i'd rather either read it as a book or not have it at all#i don't really think of go2 as a continuation of the book anyways bc the show and the book (and most other go adaptations tbh)#are very far removed from each other in my head even though obv they come from the same thing#so idk. whatever happens with the show i think i'll be fine#i do need the musical to come out during my lifetime though#i'll probably never see it (i do not like in australia or the uk and plane = expensive) but to be able to listen to it man#FFFFAFSFSFACDCSVDV I WANNA HEAR IT SO BADDDD#n e ways#it would definitely suck if we got s2 and never got to see where it went but i think personally i would be fine if slightly annoyed#and neil gaiman has said he would write that book if no s3 so i might read it if that's what ends up happening idk
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bad enough that i am stuck in my life but even worse when i have to work through / around the stuckness in front of people i care about / explain it / be perceived in experiencing it. UGH!!!!!!
#purrs#i live in my childhood home i share a bedroom withy sister it hasn’t been redecorated since before we were born i don’t even have a license#ive never dated or even been liked like that by someone i know except one time ive never done like 75-80% of the things ppl my age do and i#gonna show up empty handed and empty brained to everythi ng and be seen as stupid and uncaring and whatever when really im just tired and m#life is so flat rn and i don’t have the strength to pull it up by myself and give it shape again but i have to. i don’t think i have covid#thank GOD) but i can say even without having ever gotten it and hopefully never getting it that it has ruined my life like genuinely. i mea#good things have come out of it too but i was already socially / emotionally stunted and then being locked down for a year and a half like#literaly not leaving my house for anything but medical stuff until july 2021 was so PRPFOUBDLY damaging. i feel like someone has taken a th#motion blur tool i. photoshop and just drawn like a scribble over me so some parts of me are stretched to where they need to be and other p#parts are stuck at like age idk 16 and i think i need to have most of the parts motion blurred to like… move forward! but i can’t make that#happen and i have to explain it and move around it and it’s so EMBARRASSING omg. girl help i am flowering on the wall i am blooming late i#am hiding in my shell and i want to come out but i also DO NOT so i am cowering in fear forever and never standing up for myself or standin#up at all to be honest!! lol 😸👍#anyways this post is brought to you by how INSANELY much i do not want to reply to a particular email in my inbox or spend my time tonight#[redacted] on express when i am already so exhausted. and if that makes me a bad person then so be it i guess i am one#* i don’t even have a LEARNERS PERMIT let alone a license. lawl <3
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def feel too much shame/second-guessing about not talking to someone i used to be soooooo close to and it's just like....blah
#i feel insane because like#sometimes i wonder why some of my old friends just stopped replying#and it's like....damn#but also here i am. feeling like i should do the same#but i just do not think i can actually recover enough to be honest/open with her#after she made me feel like shit for being into her#so like whatever
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