#WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE HAVE PHYSICALLY BEEN IN THE CHALLENGER DEEP???

[rtgame]

just thought about the ocean for slightly too long. am about to throw up

[harmoonix]

🤍 𝔇𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔰 🐎

𝓐𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝔂 𝓞𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

🐎 I observed that Capricorn/Aquarius and Scorpio Venus tend not to fall that much in love relationships, definitely not as crazy about their love life rather more about their careers

🐎 Venus in the 11H or 11° 23° since the 11th house is related to the desires, these natives usually have a lot of desires/wishes towards their love life

🐎 Saturn in the 1H/6H/10H/12H are kinda anxious when starting something new because they are known to work and focus on the same thing for a long time, when it comes to starting something new it can be a challenge for them

🐎 Mars aspecting Saturn harshly, and if one of those planets is in the 7H, can indicate being patient in the couple - arguing/fight moments,

🐎 Chiron aspecting Venus or Moon can definitely go up for couple therapy when is needed because it can help

🐎 Cancers and Gemini placements can be good at crafting/creating. Cancers definitely for traditional crafting at home/homemade

🐎 Mars in Aries/in 1H or ar 1° 13° 25° is a known fact that these natives get irritated fast. They have an inner anger that comes out in random moments

🐎 Uranus in the 10H natives or Urnaus at 10° 22° probably have a desire/dream to end up successful at some point in their lives

🐎 Pisces/Gemini/Aquarius and Sagittarius Placements can be interested in space and physics/chemistry, I know so many of them who just love staying in a laboratory doing stuff

─────────────────────

Here I am, so young and strong

Right here in the place where we belong

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🐎 Cancer or Moon in your 7H can indicate a deep need for being nurtured or to nurture others in a relationship

🐎 Scorpio Placements are usually seen as the 'bad guys', but they were the ones to meet the most bad guys in their lives... like these people went through a lot

🐎 Aries/Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn in the 3H can make a person bitter/colder in conversations and is usually when they are being verbally attacked by others

🐎 If we think about it Aquarius/Capricorn and Sagittarius Venus need a lot of freedom in their relationship, they love their relationship but also having some time for yourself is vital

🐎 Leo Venus/Moon/Rising really loves to get compliments. It is a nice thing to feel seen or appreciated by others

🐎 Aries and Pisces Venus needs a lot of trust in their relationship, don't be afraid to trust your partner, if they really love you, they wouldn't lie

🐎 Venus in Virgo/6H or at 6° and 18° is a really lovely placement because it talks about a devoted partner, probably someone picky as well

🐎 Juno aspecting Pluto can indicate a partner or relationship that will change you, so that means you won't be the same you after that relationship

🐎 North Node being less aspected can indicate confusion about what to do with your life next but also having it easier to go through your life stages

🐎 Capricorn Placements are wise since young and are a big indicator of an old soul. They will be more wise with their age

🐎 North Node aspecting Venus in both harsh and good aspects stands for finding a love for yourself, to appreciate yourself

🐎 Saturn aspecting the ascendant natives can isolate themselves from the world, it's like a coping mechanism to help them

🐎 If you have Mars in the 9H and you're in a relationship/marriage, you can have some sort of tension with your partner's parents or family

🐎 Pluto in your 8H/12H can indicate a good intuition but also a strong native because you'll have to go through hardships involving your own evolution

🐎 When you have 9H/12H placements and you haven't moved away from your homeland, you can end wish or crave that, you can crave for moving away

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I've been waiting for you

Here I am

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🐎 Mercury - Venus/Jupiter - Neptune/Mercury - Moon aspects in your chart bring creativity, you can have a creative mind

🐎 Saturn in the 1H/5H/8H helps with the self - improvement over the years, like you get better with the years/in the future

🐎 Most times, an earth Venus will look for stability in a love relationship. If they can't find it, they will just look for it

🐎 Jupiter aspecting Mars natives will get angry easily, and the fun thing is that.. you can see it on their faces..they cannot hide the anger

🐎 Harsh aspects between Sun and Moon can make you hate yourself at times and usually come from the imperfections of yourself. We are all imperfect and we should appreciate that

🐎 Spirit is such a childhood core, yet it feels like a fever dream. The emotional baggage of this movie is crazy. 🐎

[hoodielord]

Green eyes in the fear fog.

For half a second, Steph thought today would be a decent day. But no, not in Gotham.

Steph's current events professor, who was also the head of student affairs, had offered extra credit to help give college tours. Look, she had to take the extra credit she had to, even if it meant that she had to be a tour guide. It wasn't hard, just annoying.

The group was small, only five people, but two of them stuck out. A brother and sister. The brother was the definition of adoption bait blue eyes, black hair, vigilante tendencies withholding. The sister was at least as tall as Jason. She had orange hair just like Babs, you'd think they were related.

Anyways, Steph's new mission was to make sure the kid and Dick never met. The kid would not stop making puns. Some of them earned him a laugh but some earned him a smack from his sister.

"Aw, come on, Jazz, it was funny."

"You can do better." she shrugged.

" Sounds like a challenge." A wicked smirk appeared on his face.

" Danny, please don't."

"Challenge accepted."

Yep, I'm definitely keeping him away from Dick.

But something was off about them other than looking at the crime capital's university. They could probably be metahumans. Their eyes seemed to slightly glow blue. They carried themselves as they had already expected danger. I mean, it pays to be prepared, especially in Gotham, but they aren't from here.

If the siblings weren't already on a list B has they should be now. Jazz had been almost ecstatic when we were moving through the psychology department. Danny was practically bouncing off the walls when it was time to go through the engineering and physics departments. Definitely should keep an eye on them.

It was reaching the end of the tour in the cafeteria. Another weird thing about the siblings was their reaction to food. They seemed to have this sort of optimistic curiosity like they were happy to have food to eat, but at the same time, they were poking to make sure it wouldn't attack or something.

Talking with the siblings was interesting too. Danny was buzzing about the engineering department. He went into a great rant about a project that Wayne Enterprises was working on in the aerospace engineering division. Maybe she should keep him away from Tim, too.

The conversation died quickly when a shriek rang out from down the hall. Steph turned quickly to see green fear toxin fill the cafeteria. Swarms of people ran for the exits knocking each over. She quickly dug through her bag and pulled out her gas masks, one for her and her backup.

"Jazz? Jazz, where did you go?" Danny called. They must have gotten separated.

Damn, she needed another one for the siblings. She shoved her spare into Danny's hands.

" Put the mask on and head for the exit."

"But I need to find Jazz."

"I'll find her. Put the mask on and go." Steph yelled as she went further into the fog. Quickly, she sent an alert to Oracle. Signal is on patrol right now, but more bats might show up.

It was dense she could barely see in front of her. There was some noise up ahead. Someone was screaming. The yelling grew louder as she rounded the corner.

"Stop! Get away!"

It was Jazz. She was practically growling. Her fist slammed into the concrete wall, leaving a deep impact. She was clearly affected by the Fear gas. A meta affected with fear gas, not good.

"Stop! Don't hurt him. He's not a monster! He's my little brother!" Jazz had gone from fury to sadness as she practically begged for her hallucination to stop haunting her.

If it wasn’t the meta thing it was whatever she was hallucinating that caught Steph’s attention. Definitely on B's list now.

"Isn't it interesting what fear does to the mind?"

Steph saw Scarecrow emerge from the fog.

"I saw you in the psychology department. Your eyes lit up like a fire. But now they are clouded with fear."

A chill went up Steph's spine. She quickly checked her mask for leaks but didn't have any. Turning her attention back to Jazz and Scarecrow, she saw something. Green eyes shifted inside the fog. They looked like a predator hunting its prey. For a second, they look like Jason's.

From behind Scarecrow, the eyes stopped, and a figure emerged. A baseball bat slammed into Scarecrow's face, knocking him to the floor. The figure came into full view now. It was Danny his eyes were glowing green.

He knelt down to Scarecrow.

"You really don't have any brains. Do you Scarecrow? If you did, you wouldn't have hurt my sister." His voice was downright, frigid.

He turned and rushed over to Jazz who was still trying to convince her hallucinations to stop.

"Jazz, it's okay. Come on, I'm fine. It's okay." His voice was soft and gentle as he helped her up. Jazz mumbled a little as she stumbled down the hall.

Steph quickly caught up to the siblings slinging Jazz's arm over her shoulder.

"Sorry, I couldn't help earlier," Steph spoke quietly.

"It's fine. Not everybody can be a hero."

Steph wanted to laugh at the irony of that statement, but she just nodded.

"Sorry about the tour too."

"It wasn't all bad."

" Oh, the rouge attack and poisoning wasn’t bad?" Steph asked sarcastically.

" Our hometown is haunted and our community college is funded by my godfather. And he is a rich fruit loop.”

‘Ghosts?’

“You know Gotham University is funded by Wayne Enterprises right?”

“Annoying crazy fruit loop or weird himbo? Hmmm. Yeah, I’m going to have to go with the himbo on this one.”

Steph laughed at that one. Bruce is going to want to hear about this but she’ll keep him away from these siblings for a little while.

[mysticalserenity-tarot]

🌟 What's coming for you in the next few months? (Pick a pile)

{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention or stirs up a memory. Remember, you can pick more than one pile if you feel called to. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}

𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣

Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)

Hello, and always a huge thank you to everyone for your incredible support, it means a lot to me!

In this collective pick a pile reading, we'll explore what's in store for you in the upcoming few months. Let's see where your energy takes us.

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.

𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣

🕗 PILE 1

5 of Cups, 10 of Swords, The Emperor

(I'm sorry, this is going to be pretty long 😅)

Hello Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

First thing I notice: Your cards have all the energy of freedom, and I sense many free-spirited people in this pile, those who do not conform to any strict rules. I also sense some writers amongst you. You prefer to struggle on your own rather than asking for help - oh, my dear Pile 1, I feel you. You need to know that asking for help is not a shameful thing to do. Your loved ones will be more than happy to hold your hand and guide you. You don't listen to anybody, but those that have your best at heart are willing to bring you to higher heights. I sense that you're currently experiencing a period of stagnation, even some conflict with yourself. You may have been hurt by something or someone which put you in a state where you feel like you don't want to do anything, but please do not neglect yourself. I promise better days will come for you. While some of you may be experiencing a dark period, remember that the light is always at the end of the tunnel. Therefore, my advice to you is to never give up and let challenges faze you, as challenges are all lessons, and I promise you'll come back stronger.

What's coming for you are better days indeed - brighter days! I see you getting in a position of authority, and leadership, which will make you stronger and proud of yourself. For others, but a just a few, you may encounter a masculine figure with leadership qualities, it may be your boss or even a potential lover, perhaps your boss will turn into your future lover – I sense a connection here. In the spread in front of me, you're literally looking at this person. They could be a fire or earth sign or have those prominent in their chart. [ friendly reminder, tarot is all about energy and not gender ] Either way, there's going to be stability in your life. This is highlighted not only by the numbers present on the cards, but also by the prominent colors of brown in your spread, which symbolize stability, earthy vibes, and peace. You may also undertake shadow work, which will help you connect with your inner child and foster happiness and peace within yourself, making you stronger and resilient when facing hardships. I also sense orange, which indicates success and encouragement. You're being encouraged to move forward, and steer clear of negative energies which can only bring misfortune.

In conclusion, whether it's a pushing or a willing move, I foresee calm waters in your near future, allowing you to regain lost peace and energy. Some of you may physically travel to another country for holidays or even move permanently. I sense that you may be feeling a bit anxious about this, which is natural when stepping out of your comfort zone. However, these changes will be advantageous to your well-being and overall happiness.

Freedom, transformation, and struggle are crucial themes for you in the coming months.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

🕗 PILE 2

2 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, Temperance

Hello Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

I sense that you're currently juggling multiple things, stuck between two distinct paths. It could be about love or career. Some of you are indecisive about job opportunities, while others are uncertain about whether to stay or leave a relationship. Trust your intuition if it feels toxic, and listen to your heart. I feel like many of you are evaluating whether to confess something to loved ones.

In the coming months, I foresee you regaining balance. You'll place more trust in your intuition and listen to yourself more than ever. You'll find balance in various aspects of your life, possibly juggling between career and love. Many of you have detached from the divine/universe, perhaps even abandoned it. However, in the coming months, you'll reconnect with the divine and strengthen your relationship with it. Overall, you'll prioritize your own needs, and the universe (or your beliefs) will bring you to a point of desperation so that you can learn from this lesson and focus on yourself. I'm casually singing on my mind the song "a flash in the night" by Secret Service may signifies unexpected insights or moments of revelation that help you navigate the challenges ahead - which is confirmed by the Ace of Swords coming twice in your reading, and for some also a sign that it's your pile - maybe you listened to it lately or you were born in the 80s, same period when this song was released. Take it how it resonates. It also indicates a need to work on your root chakra for those who aren't, which will be beneficial for grounding and connecting with the earth - the High Priestess may indicate a blessing in disguise involving the Akashic Records; self-discovery - you're going to learn more about yourself, which will also bring you to make better decisions and beneficial only for you.

2/22/222 may be significant (and ironically this is pile 2! 😁) also, it indicated clever decisions which you'll make or have to in order to get close to your goals and reach success. I believe in you, guys!

Balance, inner strenght, reconnection with the divine are important themes for you in the upcoming months.

Thank you for allowing to read your energy, Pile 2.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

🕗 PILE 3

8 of Cups, 2 of Wands, Knight of Wands

You're leaving something hurtful behind, aren't you? I feel like you're fed up with suffering and moving towards the bright light - well done, beautiful! But there's still uncertainty about whether to accept that job opportunity or that potential romance. You're seeing others realizing your dreams and you're here like "when it's going to be my turn?" Both of these choices have a waiting period, as the saying goes, 'good things come to those who wait.' This is exactly what your reading represents. If you're evaluating a decision, go for it because it will free you from the burden. You may resonate with pile 2, check it if you felt attracted to it.

In the upcoming months, you'll experience the sweet breeze through your hair, the feeling of lightness in your feet, and the warmth of the sun on your skin. Many of you are stuck in your comfort zones, and I know it isn't easy to leave them. However, if you don't try, you'll never know what opportunities await. Your passion will be reignited, and you'll find joy either with your loved ones or alone. Some of you will finally take this "risk" and you're going to celebrate this big achievement and finally be proud and love yourself more, which is also the key of manifestations coming into fruition. Others of you are going to meet a youthful energy, like a knight taking you on adventures. This person, whether a lover, friend, or family member, will bring you new experiences and might even pull you out of your comfort zone. Take it as a sign from the universe that you need to step out of your comfort zone. My dear, you're too focused on work/studies and likely have exams, you need some relaxation and experiences/adventures that will light your mind. Keep pushing yourself, but remember to take breaks to not get stuck in this negative energy causing you to burn out sooner or later.

Leaving what no longer serves you, stepping out of your comfort zone, and finding exciting new opportunities, are all important themes for you in the coming months.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

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ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.

ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍

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Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.

Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.

[buckyarchives]

second, first meeting | chishiya shuntarou

spoiler warning for ending of aib season 2

after the meteor, chishiya notices the all too familiar person. their a pull towards you - like maybe you’ve met somewhere? (gn reader)

words - 1.1k

a/n: WOW AIB 2 FINALLY OUT AND THE ENDING WAS REALLY GOOD I THINK. anyways arisu and usagis ending was so cute and i needed literally the “have we met?” scenario with ALL of them. and i’m a weak so i made this, very shoot, not beta’d, just a small and sweet drabble. enjoy reading!!!

—

Chishiya is alive.

He sure as hell didn't feel like it, but he was. The meteorite took a lot out of him, physically and mentally. Waking up in the beeping hospital room with a sudden new look on life, and he was going to do something about it. No more being a messenger for bad news, slowly tearing down people's hope one referral after another.

Dozens of people just experienced the same pain and trauma as he walked around him, some looking better than others. A girl with an amputated leg, a man in a coma as he passed by his room, and a girl and boy walking hand in hand with injuries littered over them. Humanity– always finding love in terrible suitaions.

Chishiya stood in one of the hospital common rooms, people-watching as he always does. God– it feels like a lifetime had passed since the meteorite. Chishiya was familiar with the whirring and beeping sounds of hospitals, people chatting and crying, and the strong smell of disinfectants and bleach. He was a doctor, all these things filled his life to the brim, it was familiar.

Even you.

You, who stood across the room; tucked into a corner (like chishiya), people-watching, snacking on crackers, and keeping yourself comfortably hidden. Yes, you’d caught his eyes. But something felt off deep inside his stomach, something was off about you. Almost like you were too familiar, chishiya could see a lifetime in your eyes and this is the only time he's ever seen you. Maybe, it wasn't?

Chishiya knew better than to laser focus on one person in the room, because your head perked up. Right into his direction, but chishiya’s gaze didn't falter– he couldn't even if he wanted to. The pull towards you was too intense, it made him dizzy. shock, confusion, remembrance? Flashed across your face, similar to him.

A small, sweet smile grew on your face. Fuck, what medication did they put him on? That meteorite really did a deal on him because suddenly he can’t breathe. For a moment he thought maybe his stitched came undone, half expecting to see blood soaking his scrubs when he looked down. But no– it was just you. Chishiya’s has never seen a smile so familiar, yet foreign.

Your eyes narrowed in his direction, like you were trying to read him. Something many people found difficult in the past, Chishiya didn’t put up a fight or a stone-cold face. Chishiya narrowed his eyes back, like a challenge.

So wrapped up in you that he didn't see the teenage boy wheeling a little too close to his toes in a wheelchair. “Ow!” chishiya yelped.

“Ah! I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” the boy began to spew out a plethora of apologies, frantically bowing his head to the elder.

“It's okay!” chishiya reassure, the sting in his toe had already been subdued– an easy injury compared to the bandaged and stitched-up ones he gained a few days ago. “Seriously, it’s okay.”

The boys' apologies slowed and he wheeled off, practically still bowing. Chishiya chuckled under his breath at the gesture. Looking back up to find you again, weird– what's got into him? Your spot ghosted empty and chishiya’s eyes frantically searched for you, only to find your back now turned to him and trudging down the hallways. Right as his eyes landed on you, your neck turned and you glanced back at chishiya.

A challenge indeed.

Chishiya curiously cocked his head, looking something like a cat. And then one foot in front of another, chishiya was following you down the hallway. He wasn't sure why, maybe he didn’t need a reason. I mean, he almost died, chishiya felt like he didn’t need a solid reason to do anything anymore besides what he wanted. And he wanted to follow the beautiful, mysterious, and weirdly familiar person around in a hospital. Like cat and mouse.

And that's how chishiya ended up in a quieter, more intimate area. Middle of a hallway, near a set of tables and a vending machine. Usually, where loved one would sit weary-eyed and waiting for good news. You came to a halt, chishiya stopped. You turned around slowly, that sweet smile that made chishiya’s stomach feel weird (apart from the wounds.)

“You're following me.”

Something that would so usually sound like a question, was a statement. Because it was meant to be, because you knew he was from the beginning. You intended on it. Chishiya already likes you. And hell– your voice almost gave him whiplash, so silk and sweet. Echoing distantly in his head, like he's heard it a million times before.

“And you wanted me too,” chishiya replied coyly. His voice felt so scratching and his throat burned as he spoke, being without water and unconscious for too long. Shoving his hands in his pockets, leaning back slightly. Even half dead he must keep up his cool-guy image.

You didn’t reply, only a wider grin growing on your face. And chishiya found it hard to bite back one of his own. How so uncharacteristic of him – he felt so warm.

“Maybe.” you finally said.

Chishiya hummed, beginning to close the distance – one foot in front of another – between the two of you.

You watched him intently, chishiya knew it. Normally he’d perceive this as someone sizing him up, but your eyes told a different story as they trailed up his body. Something that'd make his ears hot and red.

“Meteor?” you asked, gesturing to his wounds. Chishiya nodded. “Me too.”

It was awkward for a moment, but not uncomfortable. The silence was deafening as if it wasn't meant for the two of you. Like there were so many words only on the tip of his tongue, words unsaid, words he didn’t even know – but they were begging to be spoken.

You were the first to break the silence, stepping closer. Now only 2 or 3 feet in front of him. “Have I, sorry, this is weird– but, have we met before? Like even passed each other on the streets.”

“Not to my knowledge.”

You hummed, looking around to avoid the intense eye contact that tugged you closer, and closer and–

“Would you like to know me?” chishiya said, his eyes not leaving yours. A weird sense of home lay in your eyes, chishiya was ready to jump fully in.

You tried to cover the eagerness in you, waiting a moment. Dramatically tapping a finger to your chin as you thought. “I think that’d be nice.”

Chishiyas lip quirked up, following yours.

He may not know you the way he feels, but he will.

[beetlejuicyy]

╭─────────── ♱ · 𓆩🤍𓆪 · ♱ ───────────╮ ╰─────────── ♱ · 𓆩🤍𓆪 · ♱ ───────────╯

Yearning | Shinazugawa Sanemi x reader

Summary: you get very horny after your first mission with Sanemi

Warnings: !nsfw! smut with some plot

Word count: 8,216

Read it on AO3

Notes: I needed to get this out of my system after watching the movie

Masterlist

The most annoying thing about you was that you were friends with Tomioka Giyuu, Sanemi thought as he stole glimpses at you from the corner of his eye. He couldn't stand that guy. The way he looked upon others was always from a superior point of view. The way he talked, rarely and unbothered, was always a favor for anyone who could hear him. You were the same, somewhat worse. On top of all of Tomioka Giyuu's flaws, when you would open your mouth to talk daggers seemed to stab him. You were brutally honest when provoked by him and almost too sure of your own strength. The big difference, however, was that Shinazugawa Sanemi wanted to kill Tomioka for his attitude, while he wanted to fuck you out of it.

He never really knew how to talk to you. Granted, he would never act based on his feelings or let them show in any way. He admired you for your strength as well as your beauty. While he did respect you as one of his fellow Hashira, his eyes would always slip down your body, too weak to resist the way your uniform fit on your curves, the soft skin of your exposed neck or your long hair that always smelled like summer flowers. He would soon fight with himself to stop staring at you, afraid that someone might notice. He would always find moments when he was sure no one was looking, not even you, to see from the distance how bad your injuries were after a mission and he would try to find out if you were fine from the people at the infirmary. But he would never tell you. You rarely ran into each other because of countless missions back to back, both of you being Hashira. You worked on your own most of the time, backed up by lower ranked demon slayers or alongside Tomioka on tougher missions, simply because you got along very well. You and Shinazugawa met occasionally in training, although rather seldom, and during the official meetings at the Ubuyashiki manor. He felt the need to get closer to you, but he didn't have the means to do so. So he resorted to what he knew best, attacking Tomioka indirectly, knowing that you won't miss the chance to step in and try to outsmart him with another witty remark. Most of the words exchanged between the two of you were on a passive-aggressive tone and he was certain that his feelings, buried deep inside his heart, were concealed by the well-known rivalry.

Although he noticed this method was effective in getting your attention, Shinazugawa didn't know exactly to what extent you enjoyed this type of bickering. You too found him annoying. Sometimes he would talk more than needed and he had too good of an opinion about himself. He was cold and senseless sometimes, too focused on the details to be able to see the bigger picture. He wasn’t exactly the nicest person you could stumble upon, but he wasn’t a bad person either. Shinazugawa was hard to approach, intimidating and challenging but most of all you loved getting him angry. Tomioka didn't need anyone stepping up for him, and you didn't do it for your friend's sake anyway. You simply enjoyed to hear Shinazugawa's raspy voice grow in volume and see the anger in his eyes whenever he would feel intimidated, belittled or dismissed. He was hot, you thought one day, appalled, as he ran after Giyuu almost attacking him physically, if it hadn't been for the other Hashira. But you never let it show. You were sure he hated you as much as he hated your friend. You had to be a veritable masochist to have a crush on a guy like him.

Now, despite your reputation as arch enemies, you had been sent on a mission together. It was almost strange to see how well the two of you got along, especially on the battlefield, when you weren't pressured to hide the obvious from other people. You soon noticed that, contrary to his unfriendly nature, Shinazugawa paid a lot of attention to you, conveyed in small gestures.

"Look, the owner said his wife is a healer." He said in the softest voice you ever heard him talk, offering you a small bottle filled with a herbal mixture. You had travelled for a couple of days by that time and stopped at an inn on your way to grab something to eat. When you looked at him questioningly, he looked the other way. "You have been in pain since this morning." And indeed you were feeling some discomfort, altough you never said a word about it, because, before being a demon slayer, you were a woman with a natural body cycle. Maybe he really was a gentleman, although you would have never guessed it, you thought on multiple occasions. Then again, you would remember how everyone saw him and you shook the thought off your mind.

The demon you were after was hard to track. It took a couple of weeks to find its whereabouts, plenty of time for you and Shinazugawa to get comfortable around each other. He was actually sweet, you found yourself thinking as he did his best to maintain a conversation. You liked the sound of his laugh, although it was closer to a low giggle, whenever you tried to crack a joke. You’ve never heard it before but it made your heart flutter a little. Even the silence started to feel comfortable. After a couple of days of trying to find different topics to talk about, you learned a lot about him, although it was only trivial aspects of his life. By now, simply exchanging looks was enough to understand each other.

The fight too place near a small village hidden in the mountains. It was a powerful demon, even though both of you were two of the strongest demon slayers. Shinazugawa’s injuries were worse than yours and he almost lost consciousness by the end of the battle, but you took care of him until the morning, when the people from the village came. They were beyond grateful to you so, in exchange for your services, the head of the village offered to have you stay at the onsen until you regained enough strength for travelling back home.

***

Usually, after a fight, you would sleep like a baby. It was the deepest and most restful sleep that allowed your body to heal properly. No dreams to keep your mind busy, no need to wake up thirsty or any other reason could compromise the sweet moment of relaxation after driving your body to its maximum strength. But this time was different. Maybe because you had spent so much time with Shinazugawa, or maybe those few hours until sunrise while you tended to his injuries were to be blamed. But you had a wet dream. You woke up, confused and well aware of the fact that you were wet. You could still remember all the details, all the positions you imagined yourself in, the way his voice sounded in your ears while grunting and moaning your name, his white hair wet sticking to the back of his neck and his forehead because of sweat, sounds of skin slapping against skin, his palm pressed open just below your navel as he thrusted into you- No. You shook your head, trying to get it out of your mind. You had a crush on him, yes. You found him attractive, yes. You occasionally had dirty thoughts about him. But this was getting out of hand. The worst, still, was that the dream didn’t even help with anything, it only made you aware of how attracted you were to him, how horny he made you feel. It was because you spent so much time together, for sure. Also, the adrenaline of the battle could have this type of side effects in the body often. You could lie to yourself as much as you wanted, but you had never experienced it with anyone else before, you knew that. Now that you were thinking about it, it was around two weeks or so since he gave you that painkiller for your period.

You were ovulating.

The realization left you feeling even more helpless. In any other case, you could hope to fight it, hide it, ignore it. But now, aware of your hormones going crazy inside your body for a few days, you could do nothing about it. It made you feel helpless. The thought of fucking Shinazugawa couldn’t leave your mind. Come to think about it, he was very kind to you these past few weeks. He couldn’t… No. Or maybe there was a small chance he did? Small gestures, kind words, playful and easy going behaviour, all these things were the total opposite of what you expected of him. Could he like you?

***

Despite the blood, sweat and dirt covering your body after fighting a demon, you still smelled like the flowers in summer. Yes, now that his nose was barely touching your shoulder he could fell that it wasn’t only in your hair, the soft and sweet smell was everywhere on your body. Sanemi desperately wanted to open his eyes to see you, but he was too exhausted. The warmth of your body covered him like a thin blanket and he found it in himself to force his hand to grab you by the sleeve. But there was no sleeve because he felt the warm skin of your arm and almost heard the soft coo of your voice when you told him to stay still. Using the last drop of strength that he had, his eyes were obliged to open, even faintly between lashes, to witness your body leaning over his. Above your waist, your body was covered only in your undergarments, hence your bare arm that he was still clinging to. If he hadn’t been covered in blood you could probably see his skin turn to a shade of red, as the silky skin of your chest was only inches away from his face.

Shinazugawa turned around on the futon for the hundredth time. He had been awake for a while now. When he woke up, his body sore and his mind cloudy, the first thing he noticed was that the material around his arm resembled his own uniform. He quickly remembered getting stabbed there, it probably was the deepest wound on his body. So that’s why you were undressed, Shinazugawa thought. Indeed, he hadn’t been hallucinating. You used your own shirt to improvise a tight bandage on his arm in order to reduce blood loss.

Not long after he woke, a girl working at the onsen brought him water and a tray with food. He didn’t have an appetite but munched on it anyway, knowing it will help him build back his strength.

“How is she?” He asked the girl while she was pushing the door closed as she exited theb room.

“Your colleague?” He nodded. He didn’t like the word colleague, it was too formal and too cold for what he wanted you to be. At the same time, he didn’t know how to refer to you. “She’s still asleep, I believe. Thanks to her first aid skills your body is quicker to recover than expected.” Part of him was relieved now that someone confirmed your safety. The last thing he remembered was defeating the demon together, but collapsing to the ground shortly after, losing control over his worn out body. Glimpses of you flashed in Shinazugawa’s memory chaotically. However, your clothes as his bandage was proof enough that they were not just a product of his imagination.

“I need to change these bandages. Bring me some?” The girl bowed and left quickly. She probably had a lot of work to attend to or rather she was scared of him to some extent.

When the girl came back she was not alone but accompanied by the owner of the onsen, whose face Shinazugawa didn’t remember since he was already unconscious when the villagers arrived, and another man who seemed to be a doctor.

“I can handle it myself.” He quickly dismissed them when, after offering his gratitude once again for killing the demon, the owner suggested that the young girl would help him wash up while the doctor checked up on his body. No additional pleas were allowed. The girl left a basin with fresh water and a basket of clean bandages and ointment by the futon and they left the room.

More than anything, Shianzugawa wanted silence. But he couldn’t have it. Now that the mission was fulfilled, there was nothing else to keep his mind busy and distract him from you. Moreover, you would be leaving soon. He loved having you all to himself. And you seemed to like it too, he would think sometimes. You were not as irritating as before and, to his surprise, all the things he found difficult about you turned into qualities that he appreciated. It was only Tomioka’s fault, he mumbled to himself. What he most afraid of was that, once you would be back home, you would go back to spending time with that bastard. All this time you shared would be forgotten and everything would go back to normal.

“Shinazugawa? You’re awake?” Shinazugawa’s bared back was turned to the door as you opened it carefully. He was sitting on the floor, checking some minor wounds. He turned around to look at you, his breath stuck in his throat as he noticed you were wearing only a thin robe loosely tied around the waist. It exposed your chest to a degree he’s never witnessed, granted that your uniform was always buttoned up and covering your breasts entirely.

“Y-yeah.” He quickly found his voice and shifted on the futon, turning to face you. He was only wearing a pair of clean pants. The upper side of his body was covered in bruises or bandages and he was barefoot. “Good job on the mission.” He blurted out, without even thinking about it. He felt pressured to talk, thinking that conversation would distract you from noticing the effect your attire had on him. But you started walking towards him and, with every step, he felt his heart beat faster and faster. His expression was stern and seemingly uninterested, but his eyes alone travelled from your bared calves along the line of your legs until they were completely hidden by the robe, high enough that he expected to see the colour of your panties with every step you took. You didn’t have anything underneath that robe, it was obvious from the way the lose knot around your waist could come undone any minute, from the generous amount of chest that was exposed, from the way one of your sleeves was hanging lower than the other, almost revealing your bare shoulder. Shinazugawa was thirsty. He felt his lips part without control in an awed expression as you crouched down next to him and placed your palm on his forehead. He was thirsty, but water could never quench the kind of thirst he had.

“I was afraid you would catch an infection with all those open wounds. You seem fine.” It was embarrassing how difficult he found it to swallow his own saliva.

“I’m perfectly fine.” He pushed your hand away gently. If you touched him for one more second, he was afraid his heart would burst. He couldn’t look away from you though. There was something about you he had never seen before. And it wasn’t only the way your nipples poked against the thin material of the robe you were wearing, although it was a very compelling sight.

“We're at an onsen. It would be a shame not to take advantage of it.” You said standing up. He would take advantage of you, Shinazugawa though but tried to control himself, given that the bulge growing bigger in his pants couldn’t be controlled. “I just can’t find any towels in my room.” You complained looking around his room. It was such a stupid excuse. Of course there were no towels, they would be by the water, not in every room, so you could grab them on your way. But it was the only idea you could come up with, having your mind clouded by the excitement you felt in your lower belly when you thought about Shinazugawa. It was even harder to act normal when you saw him, shirtless, messy white hair, the muscles on his back flexing as he turned to face you.

“I think you can find them there.” He answered. You turned around on your heels, biting your lip. He looked so good. Your fingers itched to touch all of his scars, on his arms and chest and abdomen and go even lower.

“Why don’t you come with me?” You blurted out.

“We would be in different areas anyway.” He replied. It made sense, usually there were separate spaces for men and women. But that wasn’t enough reason for you, especially not after seeing him in that state. You needed him very badly. At this point, you didn’t even bother to think if the feeling was mutual or if you were making a fool of yourself. You would do anything to ride Shinazugawa’s cock.

“Oh, come on.” Your voice was louder and higher in pitch than you expected. “The building is empty, save the guy at the reception. We’re the only people here.” The idea of getting in the hot water with you left Shinazugawa speechless. He could only imagine what was hiding under that robe and you were giving him the chance to find out.

***

You got in first while he turned around to give you some privacy until your body was covered in the cloudy water. It was great for your tired bodies, soaking in thermal water. But you weren’t here for that. You didn’t even feel the difference in temperature, since your body was already burning with lust.

“Hey, don’t look.” He said, embarrassed, when you gestured for him to come in. You playfully covered your eyes like a child, though peeking between your fingers to see Shinazugawa as he was getting undressed, catching a glimpse of his already hard dick. You quickly moved your fingers to cover your eyes, so he wouldn’t know. But the sight had already done irreversible damage to your mind. He couldn’t help but constantly think about the fact that you were naked under that water. So he tried to keep a decent distance between the two of you, not too big to become awkward but not too small so you couldn’t accidentally touch him and notice his dick was painfully hard. But you would always close the distance between the two of you. You would shift your position all the time, showing him something or pretending you didn’t hear what he was saying. When you moved, the water level would shift with you, revealing more or less of your round breasts, but never all of it.

“It looks so much better.” You said, getting the closest your ever got to him, as you gently touched his arm where you had bandaged it the night before.

“Sleep helps a lot.” He said, aware of the fact that, if you moved one inch closer, you would feel his dick against your belly.

“I tried my best so you wouldn’t get another scar.” You continued in a low, seductive voice that you didn’t know you possessed. Your fingers ran along Shinazugawa’s scarred skin, from his muscular arm up to his shoulder, brushing against his bony clavicle. “You already have so many.” He let out a hot breath as your fingers continued their way on his chest where two long scars crossed each other in an x shape. “But I always thought they’re hot.” Your touch moved even lower, on the scar that was travelling along his abdomen. By now, your hand was already underwater.

“Y/n…” Shinazugawa breathed out your name, almost moaning it. It was torture to him. You could at least say what you wanted from him, straight to his face, without killing him second by second with ghostly touches and promiscuous words. “What are you doing?”

You looked up at him through your lashes, your eyes hungry with lust. It was unbearable for him.

“What do you think I’m doing?” The sarcasm lingering in your languid voice reminded him of all the arguments you usually had. Shinazugawa grabbed you by the chin carefully but firmly enough to force your head back to look up at him. You never thought his rough hands damaged by countless fights with demons could be this gentle.

“I think you’re being desperate.” His lips moved dangerously close to yours, though never touching, as he leaned his face towards yours. “And I’m running out of patience.” His eyes were so demanding that your hand rested just above his navel, not daring to go lower as long as he was forcing you to look at him.

“I could see that.” You mouthed back, obviously referring to his erection.

“Then do something about it.” He muttered between his teeth. You didn’t need anything more. Pressing your body against his, you kissed him roughly and he let you get whatever you wanted for a while. It was almost amusing to Shinazugawa, to see how hungrily your lips pressed against his, how desperate your tongue was to circle with his. The pressure of your flesh against his dick didn’t provide the friction he needed, but it was promising enough. Your hands were all over his body, craving to have no inch left untouched. He grabbed you by the hips, holding you still as you were already standing on your tippy toes to be able to kiss him. Shinazugawa had lost count to how many fantasies he had imagined in his head before, but he was sure he never dared to dream you would be this hungry for him. Your lips soon left his and moved down to leave wet trails on his jaw and along his neck, biting and sucking. You heard him hiss in pain a few times, which only made you even more aroused. Every sound that was coming out of his mouth was so hot, so stimulating that it only made you even more desperate for him.

Shinazugawa let you do as you pleased for a while. After all, it was extremely satisfying to him to have you all over himself. He might have gotten bored though, because one of his hands grabbed you by the hair and forcefully pulled your face away from him. You whined in pain and frustration.

“You’re such a needy whore.” Your lips were swollen and your eyes darkened as you looked back at him. He let go of your hair as he kissed you, arms circled around your waist to keep you as close to him as possible. This time, he was in control and you had no way of regaining dominance as his tongue roughly pushed against your lips, forcing its way inside your mouth. Your breasts were tightly pressed against his chest and you felt the desperate need for friction between your legs. But Shinazugawa’s hands moved down your back, grabbing your ass, fingers digging painfully deep into your flesh. You whimpered against his mouth, but not because of the pain. He had you paralysed now. You couldn’t move your hips against him anymore.

***

You didn’t know how you got out of the water, briefly patted your bodies dry with some towels and put on robes to cover yourselves in case an employee would see you on the hallway. You only remembered Shinazugawa’s tight grip on your hand as he dragged you after him, rushing back to his room. He slammed the sliding door open and allowed you to step in first. You barely let him closed the door, your hands already pulling at his robe that was already undone. He pushed you against the wall, cornering you. There was nowhere to run, his large body covered yours with ease. In a totally unexpected gesture, he brushed his fingers through your damp hair, as if trying to make sure you were really there with him.

You were taken aback by this change in pace and atmosphere. But he hissed in pain and only now did you become aware of the fact that you had been too focused on your own needs, to such an extent that made you forget his body wasn't in such a good condition as your own.

"Shinazugawa?" You called out his name as you gently sat with him on the floor. He snorted at the formal way his surname sounded out of your mouth. The same mouth that was so ready to swallow him whole a few moments ago. "I'm sorry, we can stop if you can't-"

"No!" He quickly dismissed the idea. After years of hidden feelings and wet dreams he was so close to having you. He would not lose the chance.

"But your body is-" You tried brushing the white strands of hair out of his face to see him and your fingers felt the uneven texture of the scar on his forehead.

Shinazugawa didn't bother arguing with you. He simply kissed you again, slower this time, more sensual and intimate. It felt as if the roughness and hunger from before were only the outer layer to something deeper that he wanted to convey to you and you let him have his own pace, although the heat between your legs was aching. He seemed to know that, because he grabbed your hand and guided it down between your legs. You instinctively spread them open, anticipating. Guided by his hand, your fingers slowly rubbed circles against your clit and you moaned against his mouth.

"Touch yourself for me." He said. For a moment, you thought that he meant for you to please yourself because he wasn't able to. But, as he pulled away from you and placed his palms behind him on the wooden floor, leaning back to see you better, you noticed that the brief moment of vulnerability was gone from his eyes. He was demanding, exactly as he sounded. His robe was covering only his arms and shoulders as it fell down at his sides and spilled on the floor, undone, his bared body fully exposed to your eyes. Your eyes took in the sight, with great attention to his throbbing cock that seemed to invite you to touch it. At first, you found it akward and embarrasing, especially feeling the pressure of his eyes watching your every move, eager not to miss one bit of it. But you've done it many times before, you've touched yourself with him on your mind so many times. On top of that, his presence quickly changed from an impediment to a huge turn on. You saw the way he licked his lips as he watched you, flinching at every sound you let out. More than anything you were desperate for his dick that was proudly sticking hard against his lower abdomen like a prize you could get only if you passed this test. So you continued to stimulate yourself.

Shinazugawa was fascinated by you. He was under some kind of spell, eyes focused on your body, taking in every bit of detail. How wet you were becoming, the small mole on your inner left thigh, your exposed neck as your head fell back in pleasure. He touched himself too, placing his palm at the base of his cock, stroking it faintly in order to relieve some of of the tension in his entire body. As much as he couldn't wait to fuck you, something else inside him took even more pleasure from witnessing your filthiest, most sexual self. And you were doing it just for him.

"Say my name. My own name." Shinazugawa's command covered the sound of your mewls. You've done that before as well. Alone, in your room, while everybody slept, you would moan his name as you masturbated. His name, not his surname that you asdressed each other by, the name you couldn't call him by out loud.

"Sanemi." You moaned. You always thought his name was moanable.

"Fuck." He breathed out, as your voice found its way inside his body, driving him closer to orgasm. "Say it again."

"Sanemi." You obliged. With eyes half open you saw him touching himself as well.

"Again." He grunted.

"Sanemi I'm-"

"Don't cum." He warned, figuring out from the way your voice cracked that you were close. You gently hit your head against the wall in frustration, forcing your hand away from your throbbing clit. You were so close. When you looked back at him, he was already sitting on the futon, gesturing for you to come next to him. With shaky legs, you crawled on all fours towards him. He greeted you with another wet kiss, his hand cupping one of your breasts, his thumb running circles around your nipple.

"I want to ride you." You pleaded against his lips.

"Only if you ask nicely." He grinned. Although he was composed and teasing, the way you were so straight forward about your desires made his head spin in exicitement. You gently pushed your palms against his muscular chest and he lightly fell with his back against the futon.

"It wasn't a question." You said as you straddled him.

Shinazugawa watched as you climbed on top of him, biting his lower lip in satisfaction whe he felt your soft plushy tighs press against his hips. He put both his hands under his head, looking at the curves of your body on top of him, at the way your hair was falling over your shoulders, covering only small parts of your breasts. From the first moment he saw you, he felt attracted to your body. But now that he was witnessing it completely naked, in all its beauty, he was sure you had to be a goddess.

He allowed you to do whatever you pleased with him. At first, you only rubbed your folds against his dick lightly, rocking your hips in a slow back and forth motion on top of him. He could feel that you were dripping wet, your juices covering him all over. You placed one hand on his chest for support as you picked up the pace, your cunt finally getting the friction it needed for so long. Shinazugawa moaned in response, stimulated by your movements. The sound was so beautiful to your ears. You were determined to make him more vocal. And you did, as a grunt from deep inside his throat came out when you slowly slided his cock inside your welcoming walls. You took your time, adjusting to his girth. Your eyes were glued to his face, trying to memorize as much of his expression as possible. Lips parted, eyes half closed and cheeks flushed, white hair spilling on the futon like a halo around his head. Your first moves were painfully slow for him. The muscles on his arms were tensed and he seemed like he was putting a lot of effort into keeping his hands to himself and not thursting into you as hard and fast as he needed. But the look of ecstasy on your face as your rolled your hips gradually faster, your breasts bouncing with every move, wet sloppy sounds filling the room in a rapid rhythm and your moans, god especially your loud moans as you used his body to please yourself, all of these were making Shinazugawa feel more than satisfied.

Soon, he had to grab you by the hips because, in your desperation to feel him as deep as possible inside, your movements became chaotic and violent, losing pace and balance. He held you in place, his fingers digging deep into the skin of your hips. Supporting yourself on one arm securely placed on his chest, you managed to find his hand and pushed it back towards your ass. His large hands moved to your back as you guided him, grabbing your ass and pushing your body even more against his cock. The sharp sound of his palm slapping your ass as you bouced up and down his dick echoed in the room, sending a flash of pleasure right to your core and your head fell back in pure pleasure. You moaned loudly, probably the loudest so far, and he felt the consequences of it as your walls tightened around him.

"That's right you're so fucking loud." He said and he slapped your ass again, obtaining the same chain of reactions from you.

Sweat was dripping all over your body and you were running out of breath, but the way his cock felt inside you was addictive. Your hand moved to your clit, feeling like the stimulation wasn't enough to drive you to your orgasm, but Shinazugawa's hand pushed yours away. He laid his palm flat against your belly, pushing against your flesh as his thumb found your clit and provided the additional stimulation you needed. There was a puddle of your fluids forming around the base of his cock, as your hips rose and fell on top of him over and over again. Shinazugawa knew better than spilling his seed inside you. Instead, he concentrated on driving you to your high, noticing how your whole body tightened around him, your muscled tensed and eyes tightly shut, all your senses focused on the way his cock rubbed against your walls hitting your sweet spot over and over and over.

Your moans turned into whimpers and then into uneven breaths as you got closer to the edge. But there was one missing thing to get you there. Intuitively and out of pure erotic instinct, Shinazugawa's hand reached your neck, grabging it between his thumb and index finger, putting enough pressure for you to feel lightly choked. You looked down at him despite your blurry vision, his eyes already locked on yours. You gasped for air while your hips slammed against his uncontrollably. His thumb stimulated your clit and your vision whitened as you finally came, your moan reveberating in the room covering the sound of your bodies. You pressed your hips one last time against his body, taking his lenght as deep as it could go, as you chased every last drop of that numbing pleasure that spread trough every nerve in your body making your legs shake. Your heart was beating at a rapid pace to the brink of failing inside your chest as you removed yourself from him, falling on your back next to him.

With the weight and warmth of your body gone, Shinazugawa took it upon himself to reach his own orgasm. His cock was covered in your juices mixed with precum as he wrapped his fingers around it. He turned to look at you, finding the most arousing sight. Your chest was moving up and down as your lungs filled with air and released it, your brests jiggling slightly with every move. You were covered glistening in sweat, legs still pressed together to find every last bit that was left of that sweet high you had reached. On your hips he could see the marks of his fingers turning purple. But the expression on your face, that was the most rewarding thing for him. Furrowed brows, lips slightly parted, hair sticking to tour temples as you let out soft whimpers. All of this because of his cock. He came quick enough, groaning with his eyes closed, your ravished image still impregnated in his mind.

But it was just the beginning. Although releasing his seed eased some of the tension built up in his body, Shinazugawa was nowhere near done with you. Soon enough you felt his heavy weight over your worn out body and opened your eyes in surprised to look at him, towering over you. His cock was laying on your belly, his balls rounded full with arousal ghosting above your skin.

"I hope you've had your fun." He said, "It's my turn now." The look in his eyes was so animalistic as he spoke, you felt your insides twist in satisfying ache as arousal was building up inside you once again.

You cupped his face with both your hands as you kissed him, hungry for his lips, for his touch, for his throbbing cock again inside you. He groaned against your mouth, one hand finding your breast and grabbing it harshly, the soft plush flesh of it squeezed in his rough hand. You whined in response and then he slapped it, gaining an even louder cry of pain from you. Your legs desperately found his waist and tried to get a hold of them, but he pulled away from you, grabbing you by the thighs and forcing you to turn around on the futon, face down, as he ripped the robe you still had on away from your body. His palm hit your bare ass lightly and you quickly understood the command, rising your hips from the floor and up in the air, supporting your weight on your knees.

"Good girl." He cooed in approval as his hands held you in place.

You were expecting his cock to penetrate you any minute now. Instead, he took his time to take in the view of your waist that curved generously into your hips and ass exposed just for him, as the air of the room felt cold compared to your burning, soaked cunt.

"Sanemi..." You cried out. You couldn't see his face, but the sound your voice whining out his name so pathetically got him even cockier than before and his lips curled in a half grin.

"Hmm?"

"Please..." You felt him so close to you, but not close enough. Your pussy ached for his thick cock but you could't even find some sort of consolation with your ass up, legs unable to come close to each other as his own knees were pushing yours open.

"You're not so bold anymore." You didn't need to see his face, the arrogant tone in his voice said everything you needed to know.

The only thing you could do from that position was push your hips back towards him, in hopes that you'll earn some friction. But his hands stopped you as soon as you moved, holding you in place as he clicked his tongue critically. He leaned over your back, grabbing a fistful of your hair and you felt his cock press against your cunt. It was only a feeble touch but enough to have your eyes roll in stimulation as he pulled you by the hair, forcing you to arch your back.

"If you insist on behaving like a slut I'll treat you like one."

That's exactly what you so desperately wanted and he quickly fulfilled his promise as you felt his dick strech your walls once again. You groaned as he didn't lose any time for you to adjust, instead he just thrust in and out of you with violent and swift movements and you had to place your hands firmly on the futon to resist the force he was pushing into you or else your body would have slipped. But he had full control of your body, one hand on your hips pushing your ass back towards his body as he rammed his dick inside you over and over, the other hand a tight grip on your hair, pulling you towards him. The angle allowed him to hit new and untouched spots inside you, and the stimulation that his aggressive movements provided was numbing all your other senses. You didn't feel the pain in your scalp when he pulled you by the hair, you didn't feel your back aching because of the unnatural way it was bending, you didn't feel the strain on your knees, already overworked from riding him, you didn't feel your arms almost giving up, unable to support your body anymore. You only felt his cock slamming into you, his balls hitting your folds with every move.You could only hear his grunts and pants on top of the wet sound of flesh slapping against flesh relentlessly. Your walls tightened around him as you were slowly getting closer to your second orgasm.

But even though ecstasy was numbing everything else and the only thing you could discern was how good his fat cock felt inside you, your body was bound to break down at some point. And it did, because the hands you used to support the upper half of your body slipped and you fell face down on the pillow. Shinazugawa's reflexes followed suit as his hand let go of your hair and both his muscular arms hugged your waist, holding your body in place while he never stopped pounding into you. Now that he was leaning over your back, arms roughly holding your waist, his face buried in your soft hair, you could clearly hear all the unholy sounds coming out of his mouth close to your ear. He was in pure bliss. Contrary to the wet and sticky state of your bodies and the room that was filled with the smell of sex, your hair still embraced him in a fresh and sweet scent that he had always associated with you. Your fists were grabbing the pillow tightly, toes curling in pure pleasure. You moaned in pain as you felt him sink his teeth into the back of your shoulder, groaning like an animal as his movements became uncontrollable and messy, lacking the rhythm and structure they had before. You desperately forced your hand to move under your belly and up between your legs to help yourself reach your high the second time. Shinazugawa was too far gone, too concentrated on his own plesure and his own instincts to even think about you at this point. He was thrusting inside you brutally, chasing his own orgasm, gutural sounds that resembled an animal more than a human coming out of his throat as his teeth were still sunk into your flesh.

But you came too fast. Because you rushed to touch yourself in addition to his cock stimulating your insides, you reached the second, more violent orgasm. It felt twice as much intense as the first and, if it hadn't been for the pillow that your face was buried into to mute your scream of pleasure, you would have woken up the whole village. Your walls tightened around his cock as you came but he wasn't done yet. Soon, you were overstimulated and crying under him. You couldn't fight back, you couldn't push him away or stop him from fucking your overly sensitive cunt. His whole weight was pushing down on you, his arms holding you immobilized as he used your body as a simple sexual object to get himself off. The pillow soon turned wet with your tears. You didn't even know if he was able to hear your cries over his own grunts.

You knew he was done when he moaned your name as came, his seed spilling on your back. You collapsed alongside him on the futon, his grip around your waist never losening. You felt sore and exhausted and used as you laid on your side with him behind you, hearing his deep breathes as he was starved for air. His arms, still securely wrapped around your waist, pulled you closer as he buried his face in your hair and only now you became aware of how sticky your bodies covered in your mixed juices were. It would be a lie to say you didn't enjoy the sense of safety and calm his warmth gave you. So you remained there, without saying a word, as both of your hearts reached a normal rate and your muscles relaxed, the hazy veil of arousal lifting from both your minds.

"I'm sorry for..." He started but he didn't finish his sentence.

It was fascinating to you how mellow his voice sounded, making it almost impossible to understand that the animalistic sounds from before came out of the same mouth. In response, you gently grabbed one of his hands and brought it to your lips, leaving a soft kiss on his knuckles. The same knuckles that yanked your hair, the same unyielding arm that held your body against your will against him, they were so weak and willing to follow your guidance.

"How...was it?" He sheepishly asked. You giggled while playing with his fingers. For some reason both of you still avoided seeing face to face.

"It was breathtaking." You said and felt him relax behind you, smiling reassured of your praise.

Soon enough your naked bodies started getting cold. He sat up even though you whined in protest like a little child. Only now did you dare to turn around and look at him, standing in the middle of the room completely naked, with his back turned to you. As he moved, your eyes followed his tall figure from the rounded calves to his ass and up his muscular back and wide shoulders, speding a bit too much time on the nape of his neck then fell back along the lines of his defined arms and slender fingers. You bit your lip, enjoying the view a little bit too much. If it hadn't been for the soreness and your already weakened body from slaying a demon a day prior you would have definitely gone for a third time.

"Sanemi?" You called out his name and it felt so natural, so domestic, so right that you wondered how you ever called him by his surname all this time.

"Yeah?" He turned his face to you instinctively, revealing his handsome profile.

"Nothing. I was just practicing." He scrunched his nose at you like a child and turned back, biting his lip because the sound of his name out of your lips still made him somewhat nervous. He came back to you with a bowl of water and some clean cloths that were left untouched when he fixed his bandages before. You were still on your back, finding another spot that stinged with pain every time you tried sitting up.

"No, it's fine I can do it myself." You quickly tried to dismiss him when he sat down next to you, drenching the cloth in water and touching your thigh to get your legs spread. It made you very nervous and somewhat embarrassed, having him clean you up.

"Shh." It was the only sound that left his lips, so gentle and so loving that you had to give up resisting.

He cleaned up your body with care and all you could do was simply stand there and look at him in awe. He helped you sit up, made you turn around, checking if there was anything left when he noticed the blueish marks on your hips. He leaned over your body, placing a soft kiss over the bruised skin like an apology. Your heart skipped a beat and your breath hitched. Butterflies exploded in your stomach and you couldn't take your eyes away from him. He was so handsome, so strikingly beautiful. He seemed to notice that you were staring because he smiled back at you.

"There's another one." You said as you brushed your hair away from your shoulder, turning to the side to show him the marks of his teeth on your skin. You didn't know how it looked but you could feel it swollen and pulsing and you guessed it looked worse than the marks on your hips.

"Ah... I'm sorry for... this." So this is what he wanted to say the first time. As he applied some ointment to your shoulder he couldn't help but notice that sweet flowery scent again.

"Can I ask you something?" He said unsure and you nodded. "I.. I always liked the way you smelled. Is it like a perfume or something?"

"I-I know you like gardenias..." You mumbled sheepishly. It was an old habit that you developed because of him. "I heard Genya talking about it once and I..." He chuckled in response to your voice cracking with embarrassment and you felt your cheeks burning.

"I only like them because they remind me of you."

"We're not very bright, are we?" You said, relieved.

"It is only Tomioka's fault." He rolled his eyes as he grabbed the covers, pulling them over both of your bodies.

"What?"

"If you weren't friends with him maybe you would have been easier to approach." He shrugged.

"Maybe if you wouldn't be so petty and hostile you would have been easier to approach." You spat back. Instead of getting angry like usual, he started laughing. The sound of his honest amused laugh warmed your heart instantly.

"Ah, this really feels like our usual conversations."

***

Tomioka sneezed for the third time in a row. It was beginning to get annoying how his training was interrupted by continuous sneezing. It was probably pollen from the trees.

"Someone must be talking about you." Tanjiro remarked.

╭─────────── ♱ · 𓆩🤍𓆪 · ♱ ───────────╮ ╰─────────── ♱ · 𓆩🤍𓆪 · ♱ ───────────╯

[starhoppin]

pick a picture; what makes you different from your future spouse's previous partners

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「 pile one」

temperance rv (cb: death, the chariot), king of cups (cb: the magician, six of swords rv), strength rv (cb: wheel of fortune, two of cups rv)

one thing that makes you different from your future spouse's previous partners is that you're willing to work on the relationship. specifically, you're willing to work on yourself. your future spouse may have dated people in the past who always made promises that they'd change their behavior if it was hindering their relationship, but they never actually followed through with their promises. however, you will immediately start implementing those changes because you understand the importance of your connection. you're also emotionally mature/balanced. you've worked through your problems and won't allow the past to affect your relationship with your future spouse. they may have dated people who have brought emotional baggage into their relationship. because you differ in that aspect, there is a lack of confusion in your connection. your future spouse may have also dated people who suffer from self-doubt issues that ultimately put a strain on the relationship. specifically, their self-doubt manifested as jealousy and caused them to be controlling of your future spouse. whilst you have a healthy self-esteem which leads you to talk through potential problems with your future spouse instead of resorting to those measures.

「 pile two」

two of pentacles (cb: seven of swords, the lovers), eight of wands (cb: judgement, ten of pentacles), ten of wands rv (king of swords rv, eight of swords)

first thing that i heard was "one true love." i think your future spouse may have dealt with cheating or dishonest partners in the past. however, you are their person; their partner and equal in every way. you and your future spouse are very open with each other. i heard "dream team" lol. you work together through challenges. you are partners in every meaning of the word. i cannot emphasize enough how much this person cares about you. it's like any words i choose just fall flat and don't do justice to their feelings. you're different from their previous relationships in terms of passion. you sparked something in them; you're everything in this person's eyes. their previous partners are nothing compared to you. your future spouse's previous partners may have played mind games with them, leaving them stressed out and burdened. but you aren't like that. you're clear with your intentions and don't mess around when it comes to your connection.

「 pile three」

page of wands rv (page of cups, three of cups), the emperor (cb: ten of cups, the moon rv), the star (cb: the magician rv, five of cups)

your future spouse's previous partners may have been solely interested in the physical aspects of their connection. however, you're different because you're interested in the emotional aspects. your future spouse views you as both their best friend as well as their partner. you fulfill this person completely. they may not have had a traditional "relationship" until they meet you - perhaps, flings/situationships/failed talking stages, etc, but never really connected with anyone on a deep emotional level. i'm getting that they never really felt like they could open up to someone until they met you. you made your future spouse believe in love again. they may not have had the best of luck in terms of romance which left them disillusioned. you reignited their passion and desire to pursue a relationship.

tarot deck used in this reading: cirque du tarot

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT. 13 DIVINE FEMININE - ART OF TRANSFORMATION

So I want to get into the signs, houses, and aspects that express a form of transformation that isn't recognized thru them majority of the time. Scorpio placements will be one of the energies I get into, however it isn't the only one that has this gift down pack.

All placements have different forms of healing & transformation. I'm just highlighting the observations I've been getting from each sign listed thus far.

Aries Rising/Virgo Placements - > These two energies have an ability to let go of their environments, circumstances and going deep into the mind to let things happen. What I mean is, both these placements are strictly head first in a lot of what they do and this can be a pretty tricky battle. The way they transform is through the heart, and the body and the mind follows suit after. At some point in their reality, they will have to let the mind go, in order to form the life they wish to live for themselves more openly.

For aries however, this isn't typically their issue. Their issue lies in always moving with their head, and not being strategic like their Virgo pals. Moves made first without thinking doesn't teach them anything and once they learn to allow the mind to form a new way of doing things this is where they challenge themselves and create a new persona.

Scorpio Placements deal with transformation a lot differently. It is an everyday cycle, not something they can shut up. Unlike their friends the virgos and aries, they can shut this down through their minds and can easily suppress things quicker. Scorpios, unfortunately cannot get the same. Because they feel everything. And I mean everything. And internally, they know whats the spiritual reason as to why they are the way they are so their pain/trauma is justified. The art of transformation for these cats is to look into that mirror into the void and explore the rage, warmth, the things that matter and the things that don't and letting it shape them. They have the wounds to impact others with healing methods if they just listen to themselves. The way they transform is through the psyche, the unconscious realms. Their doing shadow work without all the journaling or magic. It just comes to them.

Pisces/Neptune Placements are constantly shapeshifting. Their form of transforming is strictly from the ethereal realm, and it finds its way through physical activity or thru the imagination. Their world is constantly shifting and changing and in most cases you can find it through their clothing style, the way they express themselves and even thru their perspective. All 3 of the things I mention in conjunction all align together when something mentally changes them, since they are ruled by the subconscious/unconscious part of their brain more then their peers.

Moon/Cancer placements have a dark side that at some point of their life they shift into. Most never see this to be a real thing until well... something or someone changes them to that direction. This transformation is almost inevitable. They have to learn the darkside of their emotions or else it'll literally hurt them in the end. They must go down the dark depths of their soul to conquer the hidden array of demons that they kept under their beds so long ago. Skeletons in their closet is an understatement, its not the type that we are normally use to seeing from this group. You wouldn't believe their like that.

On the brighter side, this shows that these people are multidimensional and not just the sweet loving nurturing breed of individuals they normally keep you accustomed to. When they get to this phase, they aren't for the weak. So get use to it when the get their because they'll balance out both personalities for the better.

Libra Placements - Have a mental transformation they embark in throughout their life. Their perspectives change them in a way that forms a fair yet equal link to other humans as they're prone to be more selfish in the beginning. The heart is also where they transform, and it is through love they really can make a difference. Everything is prone to mental physics first, then the heart leads the way. Their not use to showing all their skin, but usually when they do its because something or someone made them bare their heart, for better or for worse. If it gets worse, than they'll start being the ones to play you for your heart. If best, they'll learn to share that love in all ways as their charm lights up even more. For individuals who are normally private, their vulnerabilities is what sheds away the old demons and become aware of their souls embarking on ways compassion could heal them and others around them.

Virgos have to live a little, that's simple. Normally the picture perfect group, they have to focus on the heart and the body and NOT what the mind is telling them. They can't live in those rose colored glasses they made themselves. They gotta let things around them be as it may, and they can join the circus if they like. Being more open to things outside of their comfort zone challenges their old self, while creating a new one. Something shifts inside of their body before that transformation really starts to hit. Their the rulers of the maiden-mother-crone phase. Psychological something changes them during certain points in their life weakening they old self and making new beginnings form with experience. They are connected to the kundalini and the serpent mind. More to come on this seperately.

[boxofbonesfic]

𝐵𝑜𝓍𝑜𝒻𝒷𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈 𝒫𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈:

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓂𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓃𝑔𝑒

divider by @firefly-graphics

Maybe it’s you. 

Maybe you’re the problem, you know? It’s like you don’t feel at home in your clothes, like they grate and itch against your prickling skin. Possibly it’s your skin itself, that it doesn’t fit quite right anymore. Could be there’s someone—or something—in there with you, whispering, watching, yearning. Perhaps you are that slithering darkness waiting deep, deep inside to blossom into something new and terrible. 

And I want you to tell me about it. 

For my spooky season challenge this year, I’d like my participants to write about Transformation. Spiritual, emotional, physical, psychological—go crazy, and hopefully your characters will too. Have they been bitten and infected? Or did they trust the wrong stranger, invite the wrong “friend” into their home? Have they fallen to the curses of the werewolf, or vampire? It doesn’t matter how we get there, but by the end of your story, your character must be utterly transformed—whether that is physically, psychologically, or spiritually, your characters must end in a completely new place from where they began. They must transform. 

As people, or perhaps…as monsters. 

 You can, of course pick your own poison, but if you need assistance, I have  categories below to choose from. But first, the rules. The fundamentals are this: 

This is a HORROR challenge. I will not be accepting any out of genre submissions. No exceptions. If that isn’t your speed, I have other non-spooky challenges coming up, so feel free to join one of those! Any horror sub-genre is acceptable—sci-fi, physiological horror, eco-horror, supernatural, comedy horror, body horror, cosmic horror etc, etc. If you aren’t sure, just shoot me a message. It will be running and active from Friday, October 11th to Midnight, February 1st 2025.

Because of the themes, and my own blog’s content, this challenge is obviously 18+ only. No exceptions. Smut is obviously fine (if not encouraged LOL). I do encourage thorough tagging, but it is not a strict requirement. Darkfics accepted and actively encouraged. 

For this challenge I am accepting both fandom specific and original work. Fandoms I am accepting submissions for the following: Marvel/MCU, LOTR/The Hobbit, Star Wars, Chris Evans Characters, Sebastian Stan Characters, Henry Cavill Characters, Pedro Pascal Characters, Oscar Isaac Characters, Chris, Hemsworth Characters. If it’s not on here, just ask!

You may not submit any previously written work for this challenge—that’s why it’s a challenge. If you’re new to writing horror, I encourage you to check out my Horror Recommendations list for a genre-specific (and growing) list of movies, books and graphic novels! If you’re an old hat at horror, pick a sub-genre you don’t normally explore and see what sparks your fancy! If you are inspired by something, remember to give credit where it’s due!

You may submit a maximum of three entries for this challenge, capped at 10k words per submission. Please put your work under a cut if it is longer than 500 words. You may tag me in every submission, feel free to shoot me a message if I don’t see it. 

Submissions I will not be accepting: DDLG, Toilet Play, Minors in sexual situations, RPF, Bestiality

Have fun! That’s the most important and key part of this challenge. Have lots, and lots of fun. 

And get scared. 

If anyone needs prompts, I am more than happy to come up with a few personalized ones. ❤️

Horror Genre/Sub-genre example list below the cut. It is by no means exhaustive, but it should give you a general idea of what story beats to aim for if you’re unfamiliar. Happy writing, friends!

Supernatural Horror

-Horror that includes ghosts, demons, werewolves, vampires, and all other creatures of myth or folklore. 

Psychological Horror

-Horror with a heavy focus on the mental, emotional and psychological states of the subjects, often uses mystery elements and unreliable narrators. 

Sci-Fi Horror

-Horror that generally involves impossible or unethical experimentation, alien abduction or invasion, and the horrific applications of science to the natural order. 

Slasher Horror

-Horror that is characterized by a killer who violently dispatches a cast of varied characters, whittling them down to a surviving character—usually deemed the Final Girl—goes head to head with the killer and either walks away or not at all. 

Body Horror

-Horror that involves the disfigurement or corruption of the physical body, whether due to science, supernatural causes, or disease. Often crosses into psychological horror territory.

Monster Horror

-Usually a cross between either supernatural or sci-fi horror, monster horror denotes the presence of some kind of non-human creature that generally antagonizes the main cast through violent or supernatural means. 

Cosmic Horror

-Lovecraftian inspired work that emphasizes the horror of cosmic dread, the dichotomy of genius and madness, as well as concepts of forbidden knowledge and the dangers of discovery. 

Folk-Horror

-Folk-Horror often uses rural settings and themes of superstition, cults/folk-religion and sacrifice. They usually juxtapose the modern and the traditional, pitting the in-group against naive outsiders.

Fantasy-Horror

-A sub-genre that contains key elements of both larger genres: fantastical elements and settings with the darker, often more violent and disturbing themes of horror. 

Comedy-Horror

-Horror with a comedic twist. Often the best comedy horror successfully combines the funny punchlines with real, meaningful scares. 

[luvtak]

here, there, and everywhere ✦ lee felix

✦ pairing felix x gn!reader

✦ genre/tw angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, jealousy, a little bit of tears lol, two people so in love it's disgusting and perfect, pet names galore, kissing, obnoxious attempts at being poetic, being in love is complicated and sad and also simple and wonderful!

✦ w/c 1234

✦ a/n ginger write something other than hurt-comfort challenge failed. i wrote half of this with no motivation three weeks ago and the rest in an hour, i hope you like it LMAO! reader and felix were written as the same couple from baby i'm yours, but you don't need to have read it to understand this at all!! as always named after one of my favorite songs, its so easy to write for felix, he really is a love song come to life<33

masterlist

Sometimes you wonder if Felix know’s how precious he is; sweet and soft-hearted; void of any ill intent or toxicity, a boy oozing love. 

He’s a wonderful son, a charming brother, and an even better friend–syrupy sweet and unbelievably likable to anyone who comes into contact with him, and most of the time that's a blessing, but it can also be a curse. 

Of course he’s stunning and lovely, and rationally you know you shouldn’t be upset. That girl at the restaurant meant nothing by looking at him, meant nothing by smiling and definitely was not hitting on him when she asked if you were his partner. At least that’s what he says, vehemently denying and believing that this stranger had no ill-intent, but you know better. From the minute she blinked her pretty eyes at him, you knew she was flirting, and nothing could convince you otherwise. Not your boyfriend's warmth pressing into yours or the moonlit smiles he sent your way, nothing. 

You can tell it’s making him sad, this quiet, jealous version of you. You wish you could stop it just to ease his concern, but the green poison is sitting deep in your belly, and you’re positive if you open your mouth nothing good will come from it. 

He’s so lovely and you hate that other people can tell. Your love has always been so private, so deep and true it could only be described as intimate. Sometimes, you forget that he exists outside of his place next to you, forget that other people can see him and fawn over his heaven made features. 

“I love you, you know.” His voice is shaky, nerves surrounding his every move. You hate to hurt him; hate second guessing every word he says and every glance he’s given to pretty waitresses, but sometimes quiet love is harsh. Sometimes the intimacy of love behind closed doors creates gaps for someone to pass through, and on nights where your trust ebbs, you really wish your love was loud. 

You wish you could show it to others, tell anyone who could be listening how much you loved him, but you can’t. Maybe at first it was his job, but slowly, over time you had to learn that loving Felix had to be tender–his heart had to be held like a flower, too tight and you’ll crush the petals. It’s why it feels so wrong to be jealous, he would never do anything to hurt you; physically and emotionally, he would keep you safe. 

When you arrived home, sulky and pouting and praying to any god who would listen to you, please, please take these thoughts away, Felix looked at you and knew it was time to intervene. Pressing you close to his heart and rubbing slow circles on your back. 

“I know, I love you too.” 

“No, I mean it, baby. I love you.” He enunciates the words, emphasizing his point with three kisses on your brow. You relish in his affection, it comes so easy to him… for Felix love is simple, it’s blowing out candles and mornings spent sharing heat, buying warm gloves and letting you hog the covers. Felix was made to love, grew up cherished and treasured and now he treats his people the same. 

Mostly, he was made to love you as quietly or as loudly as you wanted him too–he could be your sun, scorching and bright and all encompassing, or he could be your moon: big and beautiful and comforting.

You know he loves you, and hearing him say it doesn’t release the green monster from your belly, but it does remind you how lucky you are that this star boy chose you. 

Your shaky arms tighten around his torso and the fast beat of his heart releases the tears waiting at your waterline. Something about his honest truth breaking and mending your heart all at once. 

“I’m sorry, Lixie, I wish I could love you as good as you love me… you’re everything, maybe if you were less I could talk about it more, but it’s true I love you so much.” The tears are fast now, racing down your cheeks like raindrops on a window, and you think he’s crying too. All ten of his fingers are clutching at you, holding onto you for dear life and you don’t think he’ll ever let go… god please don’t let him ever let go. 

“I’m not going anywhere, my love, I promised a forever didn’t I?” you could never forget the memory, his pinky wrapped around yours and crossing his heart that he’d stay. He’s an earnest boy, as honest as they make them, and he’s never broken a pinky swear.

In many ways it makes you sad that one pretty girl made you feel like this, you can be insecure and unsure of many things, but never of him. It wasn’t the flirting or her twinkly eyes, it was her confidence in appreciating him: outloud and undeniable. Even after loving him so deeply for so long, you’ve found it difficult to scream it from the rooftops. Instead, you pack his lunch and make sure his hot cocoa won’t burn his tongue, you kiss him three times for luck, and you're always the first to praise him. No, you could never yell it out, but you’ve wished for him everyday and if he thinks it’s enough then it is. 

“Don’t worry about random girls, honey, my love isn’t fragile.” He says it with a fluorescent smile, so beautiful and so him that little by little it calms the wasps in your brain.

“I’m sorry, I was being silly. You’re just too pretty, I’m sick of other people being able to see you.” Through his tears, the star studded boy laughs–a big, body shaking laugh that takes you with it. Giggles through kisses and teeth clashing, too tight hugs that steal all the air out of your lungs and passing it back to him. 

This is love, quiet or loud, this is it–sharing breath and smiles and knowing he’s yours. 

You used to think people couldn’t belong to each other, but Felix’s heart is tied right to yours–chambers interlaced and arteries working together to keep you alive. Every bit of you is caged up with him, locked in tight together; dead-bolted and keys thrown away. You care for him quietly, but everything about your heart is loud–beating for him, faster and faster each day you share together. 

Releasing you from his hold and looking right into your heart-shaped eyes, he tells you not to be sorry; you’re too pretty to be sorry, baby and you know he’s making it better–Another kiss cure to mend the broken day. Soft smooches pressed all over your laughing face and down the side of your neck, a million ways to say thank you. 

When he releases you, he’ll be as bright as the sun–he’ll nurse your heart back to health and tuck you in tight under the covers. Humming sweet songs and hoping you have sweet dreams, three kisses goodnight for each year you’ve spent together. 

Tomorrow, he’ll tease and joke and love you endlessly, his devotion is as blaring as yours is hushed; changing your life with a wave of his hand and reminding you everyday that to love is to make magic–wishing on every constellation atop his nose that forever comes quick.

© luvtak

[thedarlingdearestdead]

Serious:

Summary: Inspired by that line in Ahsoka - "Would you like me to be more serious?"

Warnings: Kissing? Angst? Fighting.

Word count: 1,125

The battle had been long, even now, hours after it ended and the Republic had come out victorious, you could feel the weariness in your bones. Maybe it was because you were still so surrounded by the consequences of the war. Bodies were being transported across the hall, people treated for their injuries, generals shouting over the din trying to issue orders of evacuation. 

You just sat there and watched. Sitting on the ramp which led up to your ship that had not been cleared for safe flight. Waiting for a better mechanic than yourself to come fix it. Waiting for someone to help. You would have loved to just leave. Go back to the Jedi temple, back to the gardens, the library, The idea of sleeping and meditating, once so boring to you, seemed like a rescue after such trying days as these. 

One of those loud Generals in particular caught your attention. Maybe it was because of his excessive volume or lightness of voice. Either way your eyes met the back of his head in a glare. Anakin Skywalker. He was engrossed in a heated discussion with Captain Rex, the leader of the 501st Legion.

You knew that Anakin had been through a lot during this battle. His skills as a pilot and a warrior were unmatched, but he had a tendency to take risks that left him and those around him in dangerous situations. It was one of the qualities that made him a formidable warrior but also a source of concern for the Jedi Council. His behaviour didn’t make him any less of a liability. 

He was laughing. Men were being dragged across the room by their feet for lack of stretchers and he was laughing. 

As you watched, Anakin suddenly turned, his eyes locking onto yours like he felt your glare. There was a flicker of recognition in his blue eyes, and he made his way towards you, his footsteps echoing in the cavernous hangar.

“Master L/N” 

"Anakin," you responded coolly, not bothering to hide your disapproval at his behaviour. 

"Something wrong?" he asked, his tone challenging, eyebrows raised.

You scoffed. “Evidently not, indeed it seems the war has not dimmed your spirit.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Levity is one thing, Anakin," you said sharply. "But this is not a time for jokes. Lives have been lost-“

“I know that.” He says sternly.

“Do you? It seems you couldn’t care less.”

“You want me to be more serious?”

“Yes”

"I care about the lives lost, L/N. You know that. But what good does it do to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves? We won this battle, and we need to start planning for the next one. Who are you helping? Sitting there, staring out into space- it’s miserable. It’s pathetic.”

“I’ll take that over callous.”

“Is that what you think of me?”

You sighed, feeling a sense of deep exhaustion wash over you. It was true that you were tired, physically and emotionally, but you refused to let your guard down around Anakin. His impulsiveness and lack of regard for consequences had caused trouble more times than you could count. You were grateful for his skills, but that didn't mean you had to approve of his attitude.

“I don’t know what I think of you.”

Your words hung in the air, the tension rising between the two of you. Anakin's expression was stony, his jaw set in a hard line. For a moment, it seemed like he might lash out at you, but then he sighed heavily and his shoulders slumped.

“Force, Y/N. Sometimes I just want to…”

You watched him for a moment, seeing something in his eyes that you couldn't quite place.

"Want to what, Anakin?" You prompted. He’s silent for a beat too long, studying you unnervingly. "You're not injured, are you?” You ask.

“No. Apologies Master L/N. For everything- my behaviour.” 

You regarded Anakin with a mixture of surprise and concern. It wasn't often that you heard him apologise, especially not for something as ingrained in his character as his irreverent sense of humour and his tendency to shrug off any responsibilities.

“Please, allow me to take you to an alternative transport. Yours is… Smoking.”

He had a point and you didn’t really know how to refuse him, or respond in any other way than to follow him out of the hangar. The eyes of all remaining clones and junior Jedi following the two of you out. 

The noise and chaos began to fade away until you were quite alone. That’s when he paused. 

Anakin turned to face you, his expression unreadable. You couldn't help but feel a sense of unease creeping up your spine. It was rare to see him so serious, so contemplative. You had seen him in battle, watched as he faced down countless enemy soldiers with a fierce determination in his eyes, but this was different. This was something else entirely.

“You know, I can be very serious when I need to be.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, unable to decipher the meaning behind his words. Anakin had always been a puzzle to you, his emotions running deep and his thoughts often shrouded in mystery. You had learned to keep your distance, to stay professional and focused in his presence.

“I’m sure you can be, Anakin,” you said, keeping your tone neutral.

He took a step closer to you, his eyes searching your face.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"I don't know what to believe," you admitted, feeling a sense of vulnerability that you rarely allowed yourself to feel. Anakin had a way of getting under your skin, of making you feel things that you didn't want to feel.

Anakin stepped closer to you, his face set in a serious expression. “Let me show you what I’m made of.”

Before you could respond, Anakin leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. You were taken aback by the suddenness of the kiss but found yourself unable to pull away. His lips were soft and warm against yours, and you felt a surge of desire rush through you.

As the kiss deepened, you felt yourself succumbing to the heat between you. His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him. The smell of smoke and burnt metal filled your nostrils, but you didn't care. All that mattered was the feel of Anakin's body pressed against yours, the taste of his lips on yours.

But just as quickly as the kiss had started, it ended. Anakin pulled away, his eyes searching yours for a reaction. You couldn't bring yourself to say anything, for once you had nothing to say to him. He smirked. 

[loveemagicpeace]

🌙Moon Phases🌙

🫧The phase of the moon under which you were born is also very important. Because it shows your characteristics, behavior and what is worth following.

🌑New Moon -is suggestive of a self-starter who wants to shine their light on the world. It means a new beginning. It is sometimes called the dark moon. With this moon, you always want a fresh start. Also you might be someone who is psychic deep on the inside. You also have a lot of thoughts. Sometimes you can get lost in your thinking. This moon gives off Aries energy. This means that you can be a passionate person and competitive at the same time. Embrace being different and embrace your ideas. You can have very positive change in this world. it's all about setting intentions.

🌒Waxing Crescent-is one who is learning independence and letting go of old patterns. This moon has energy of taurus & gemini. You are a very curious person. This show that your thoughts and ideas are going to be very vivacious. You have to be okay with who you are and sticking with your own values. You can't let others tell you what to do. U have a lot of potencial in you. You have to only find out how committed you are to it. You will get many opportunities and grow a lot.

🌓First Quarter- is someone who likes to take action and thrives on change. This phase is all about development. Can inspire you to take actions, make, decisions, and overcome challenges. This moon is said to be one of the more difficult moons. Because you can feel like you're caught in the middle. It can be in love, place, life, things that u do..This moon has the energy of cancer. U have to learn how to crawl out of your own shell. U have to be okay with dealing with the shitty sides of yourself in order to become better. You have to take on your responsibilities and act like a Capricorn.

🌔Waxing Gibbous- is someone who has a thirst to receive knowledge in the search for truth. This moon represents unpredictability. Your life can have many ups and downs. Something always stops you when you want to achieve something. This moon has the energy of virgo and leo. You always improve things around you. You always go through everything. You had the self-confidence and you are also very smart. You always fight when you want something. Leo energy pushes you to achieve this. This moon phase is also the easiest to deal with. You know how to turn everything negative into a positive.

🌕Full Moon- people have intense light of the sun shining on the feelings so they are often impulsive and instinctual. This moon phase shows full expression and celebrate. It is also the most powerful moon. Your energy is visible to everyone. All your emotions are heightened. Your personality is strong. This full moon has energy of libra so this means that you might be very social, you like serious relationships, you love balance and friendships. Justice means a lot to you. But this also cause some heaviness cuz you have to carry the weight of everyone’s energy including your own. Many times you struggle with your intuition and whether a person is good or bad. In the end, you see things as they are. Other people are going to be main factor in your life. You will learn a lot of lessons from others as well. Other people may see you as someone who hides a lot, but in reality you just don't want to show your energy right away.

🌖Wanning Gibbous-is someone who loves to share their knowledge and wisdom with the world. You are also somebody who is quite reasonable. You can teach others. You learn from the emotions that you’re been through. You’re seen everything. Now you calm down and relax. Because this is the moon after the full moon. People with this moon know what it's like to see the dark and then find the light. This moon has traits of scorpio and sagittarius. You might be somebody who undergoes a lot of meantal and spiritual physical emotional transformation. Scorpio gives you depth and gives you the strength to go beyond everything. Sagittarius, on the other hand, gives you luck. Whenever something goes down, you always find the light. It’s like eternal sunshine. You are also very deep. You are someone who uses that transformation to see bigger picture and help others to see that. Being born under this moon also means that you are naturally lucky and success is very natural because you are good with ideas and everything you do. But you may have a problem with prioritizing the wrong things or things you should. Thus the blessing will come and it will. Have a faith to yourself.

🌗Third Quater/Last Quarter -is a person who feels somewhat out of step with the world and needs to develop a relationship with their intuitive self. You are ambitious and you have a lot of stability in you. This moon has energy of capricorn. This can mean that you are often hard on yourself. You can push yourself too much to do something and to do it right away. But you can be naturally successful and have it in you. You are meant to change the world. You know your way around the business world. You are meant to share things with public. You have to learn to let things go and not be so hard on yourself and just believe that you will succeed. This is your time to release things.

🌘Waning Crescent - is someone who is deeply sensitive and intuitive. You have psychic abilities. This moon has aquarius & pisces energy. Which means you want to be different and you don't want to follow the system. But at the same time, you are a person who has a lot of compassion. This phase moon is also silence. Sometimes you have a lot of energy in you but you don’t even notice. Many times you can feel the emotions of others and the energy around you. And sometimes you can see that as a weakness. How you progress is up to you. You can't resist the energy and everything too much, but you have to just let go. Balance your ego and soul and always listen to your intuition over everything.

-Rebekah🧚🏼‍♀️🦋🫧

[theoraclenextdoor]

trick or treat: what’s coming your way this month? pick a pile reading 🦇  

with less than 15 days until halloween, let’s check-in. reach into the candy bowl and let’s see what tricks (challenges) and treats (blessings) are available for you this month. close your eyes and take a deep breath. now pick your pile.

pile i | pile ii | pile iii

all images from pinterest, dividers from @saradika-graphics

2023-2024. ©️ the oraclenextdoor. all rights reserved.

Pile One:

pile one, lately, it seems you’ve been deeply involved with your emotions, spending time navigating them as you work diligently on a project. you’ve likely been committed to this for quite some time, and the good news is that your hard work is leading to something lasting. this month, your efforts will be rewarded. however, there’s a major change you’re resisting. i see that it’s manifesting physically— whether through headaches, people literally getting in your way, or obstacles like being blocked from getting to work. there’s something within you that needs to shift, but your fear is holding you back. i sense that you’re avoiding this change because it reminds you of something you’ve been through before—something that hurt, something you fear might crush you again. but this fear is slowing down the momentum that’s trying to come through for you.

right now, you’re so guarded that this change can’t reach you. you don’t know exactly what’s coming, only that it feels scary. it’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let it stop you. walk with your fear. that’s the theme of this month: leaning into what scares you. step into the fear, pile one, while the choice is still yours. remember that “worst possible moment,” and recall how you moved through it. you’re not the same person you were back then—you’re stronger now, wiser. and even if something similar were to happen (though it won’t), trust that you’re far more equipped to handle it.

your treat is that things are progressing all on their own, with or without your permission. just keep putting in your effort, and let the rest unfold. the trick? that major change that you’re resisting. face it head-on. 🎃 

tarot cards: page of cups, eight of coins, ten of coins, two of wands, five of coins, three of wands, four of wands, the tower rx, the moon, eight of wands rx, the chariot

confirmation: princess— or prince’s— treatment, panera bread, the princess diaries, anne hathaway, phineas and ferb, bird watching, “three cheers,” pumpkin patches 

Pile Two:

you’ll know this pile is for you because it’s going to resonate in a way that feels long overdue. i almost had a hard time reading your energy—it feels like you’ve been quite protective of it, maybe even a little selfish with it. every card i pulled for you came out reversed, except for one advice card pulled separately. when this happens, we can flip the cards upright to reveal both an internal and external message.

pile two, there’s something you deeply desire, but up until now, whether it’s due to limiting beliefs, a lack of true faith, or being too caught up in the “how,” you haven’t fully opened yourself to receiving it. at some point, you even gave up trying. that brought a sense of relief, but it’s a false comfort. it’s easy to pretend you don’t want something until you’re reminded of just how badly you do.

i can see you’ve been going through a rough period, and you need to give yourself credit for how you’ve continued to show up. and by “showing up,” i don’t mean giving 100% every single day. it’s about doing what you can with the energy you have, and that’s worth celebrating. like i mentioned, you’ve been a bit guarded, likely because of everything you’ve been through. but here’s the thing—you’re also blocking yourself off from abundance by holding on so tightly. you know what you want, you know what success feels like, and you’ve got the energy to make it happen. what you lack is belief in yourself.

this month, your treat will come in the form of learning from others. someone close to you is going to achieve something that you’ve been wanting for yourself, and you’ll get a front-row seat to how they did it. this will give you the perspective and the missing pieces you need to reach your own desires. the trick is, you’ll have to keep your eyes open and be willing to learn. i see this lesson coming from a source you might not have expected—maybe even someone you’ve overlooked or underestimated. don’t let your pride stop you from taking this lesson in. if you do, this opportunity might slip right past you.

the phineas and ferb episode “last train to bustville” comes to mind. you’re candace in that episode. give it a watch this week and laugh at yourself a little (or a lot). it doesn’t always have to be so serious. 🖤 

tarot cards: eight of swords, three of swords, seven of wands, the emperor, king of wands, nine of coins, ten of cups, ace of wands, the lovers, three of coins

confirmation: dune, seeing doubles, sweater weather by the neighborhood, chappell ron, love songs on the rain, chloë grace moretz, beetlejuice beetlejuice

Pile Three

this is my spooky pile. someone has shown up for you, personally, pile three. this is an entirely channeled message. i actually started with this reading first even though i knew you’d be the third pile. and as someone who prefers order, it was a little weird. i get the feeling you’re hoping to mix things up this month, and this is the right time for it. this month, your talents lie in the possibilities that surround you. your treat is a wish you’ve recently made— one that’s bound to come true. i feel like some of you are rolling your eyes, calling this message cheesy. lately, i’d be inclined to agree. but the veil is so thin in october. this transformation will either come from inspiration or desperation. disbelief, doubt, and fear will trigger the latter. believe in yourself (and me), just once, and you’ll be surprised by what comes your way. as for your wish, i’m hearing something to do with “soundcloud, alarm clocks, and tinder”? i’m also getting new girl vibes. 

as for your trick— your challenge— it’s really your own mind. your cynicism has been off the charts lately and i feel as if you’ve been closed off for the majority of this reading. but that’s okay. the best person equipped to deal with your negativity is you. if you’re into musicals, have you heard the ‘epic’ saga by jorge rivera herrans? 

you’ll see the beginnings of this by or around mid-november. keep me in the loop and happy halloween 👻 

tarot cards: none, this was a channeled message.

confirmation: black cats, seeing joker in theaters, religious subtexts or undertones, “like moths to a flame”, mr. robot, water fountains by restaurants or by grocery stores 

[di-n]

Partner in Crime

Pairing: Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: One of the things between you and your dream career as an agent is Javier Peña.

Author's Note: English is not my first language! Excuse me if there any mistake, I hope y'all can understand what I'm saying.

Warnings: flirting, tension, fun, mention of drinks, sex - I might add something else on the way.

Part 01 | Part 02

____________

I am looking at the ceiling and trying to sleep as I’m nervous about tomorrow.

The last pre-tests were okay and I did well, but tomorrow is the final test. That determines my future. Everything I’ve been dreaming about.

Besides, there’s one thing that might get in the way. And his name is Javier Peña.

Peña doesn’t want me to get the job. Of course not. I was the kid who used to laugh at him in kindergarten because he pronounced some words incorrectly. But that wasn’t just me. The whole class used to do it. I was just one more. Now I know that is not an excuse and I was not right to do it, but I was a kid. I’ve learned a lot since then and I’m a totally different person now. I just might got the chance to prove that to him now.

But he seems to never forget those years and life happened. He happens to be one of the judges of my tests to become an agent that will work alongside him.

Of course I wouldn’t want to work with him either, but it’s my only chance. I got away from home and now this is the only opportunity I have to make it on my own.

“It’s okay” I think. “You can make it”.

The pre-tests were a bunch of forms we had to fill, but the final test is personal. Besides physical and mental tests, we have a challenge we need to overcome. Whoever do the right things gets to be Peña’s partner.

So I take a deep breath and try again to fall sleep.

I’m up and making my breakfast as I try to stay calm. I decided to make this anxiety my ally and use it in my favor. That means I get there early, get ready and get shit done.

I take a shower, brush my teeth and put on the comfortable clothes I’ve chosen: a white t-shirt, a legging and a white sporty sneakers. I fix up my short hair, grab a bag with some stuff I might need and leave to the department building it’ll take place.

I am not the first one to get there, but the second. That makes my anxiety come back a little bit. But nothing to worry about, I’m super focused.

As I go inside the department, I am told to wait in a big white room with some chairs where my opponent is waiting too. I give him a smile and sit at the back. As some people arrive, I can see through a glass at the wall people walking, coming and going. At some point, my heart almost stops at the glimpse I saw of him. “How am I letting him trough my emotions like this?” I focus again and try to chill. After some minutes the class has about 10 people and a woman comes in. She looks and talks like a leader.

— May I have your attention. Welcome. I am Emily, co-director of the department and today you will be doing your final tests to start your career as an agent. At least one of you. You will be called as soon as possible. Good luck.

She leaves the room and I start to get nervous again. But I don’t even have time to get nervous because I am the first called.

First is the mental test. All it is: a conversation with a psychologist and answer a few questions about how I normally react at some situations.

Then, it’s the physical. I have to push some weights, do some exercises that requires my reflection and fight with a doll.

“I’m doing great so far” I think with myself.

Now the challenge. The part I was most excited about. I am really good at solving things and that’s why I think I gotta a good chance.

I’m lead to another room, like an auditorium, where there’s a bunch of people. I can see Emily through and, of course, my eyes go directly to the corner where Javier Peña is looking right back at me. Everyone is silent.

At the front of the room there’s this big desk with a map, a pen and a tablet. In the tablet, there’s the description of the task. I need to find the criminal to a crime that was committed 15 years ago. There’s some clues and a history I read to and my brain just gets into work. I take my time but I’m betting the time also counts in this, so I am going as fast as I can.

I take about half an hour to find a suspect and I need to speak how I’ve come to that result. I talk on how I found some clues that were not in the description and how I got at the suspect by elimination in that case. I am secure and that reflects in the way I talk, so I feel thankful. When I’m done, Emily says an Okay and tells me I can leave the room.

As I get outside the adrenaline kicks in and I feel my heart accelerating. I’m thinking “have I done everything I could?” “what if I let something pass by me” “what if I got it wrong” I come back to earth when this other woman is trying to talk to me but I wasn’t listening.

— What?

— I said you can come with me.

She leads me into the first room I was, where there’s nobody now, and tells me I can wait there. I go to the same chair I was in the back and wait for the others to come.

I let the anxiety take over me. I am having these negative thoughts. Specially thinking that Peña will do everything to not make me his partner.

Suddenly we are 10 people again in that room and Emily comes in.

— Well done everybody. As you know, you will know the result in three days. You can leave now and good luck.

“Three fucking days”

I go outside needing some coffee – like I’m not anxious enough – and there’s this cafe at the corner of the department building. I go inside and order my coffee. I grab it and when I turn around there’s Peña behind me.

— Jesus! — I almost yelled.

— It’s Javier — he says like this meeting is no big deal — I know you remember.

— Of course. Peña. — I try to chill — Good to see you.

— Really?

— Yes. Sure. I mean, it’s a familiar face.

He smiles with the corner of his mouth.

The waitress is waiting to get his order.

— Next!

— Go ahead. I need to go anyway. Good to see you again!

I leave desperately and embarrassed. As soon as I get home I started thinking “should I have said something different?” “I should have enjoyed the opportunity to ask him about the test” “I should’ve apologized” “for what?” “shit forget it”

I get into bed and try to convince my brain that we have three days of waiting.

[gem-femmes]

How to Move On Faster and Build Resilience

Dwelling on past failures and worries gets me exactly nowhere. Lately I've been trying to improve myself with the goal of becoming someone who moves on extremely fast, with resilience.

I'm hoping this change will help me navigate life's challenges more effectively and make me feel better in the everyday. I've written before about my annoying limiting belief that I can't ...

Here are the notes and guidelines I've collected that help me cultivate the ability of moving on fast:

🌱 1. Change Your Perspective on Setbacks

View Setbacks as Temporary: Tough times don’t last forever. But challenges are a normal and frequent part of life. See challenges as hurdles, not roadblocks.

Focus on the Lessons: Every experience, good or bad, teaches me something valuable. Take those lessons and grow.

💖 2. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Be Kind to Yourself: Don’t beat yourself up when things go wrong. Again, something always goes wrong, this is life. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

Allow Yourself to Feel: It’s okay to feel. All feelings are valid. Process your emotions, and then gently move forward.

🌍 3. Practice Detachment

Recognize Impermanence: Change is the only constant. Embrace it, and let go of what no longer serves you.

Limit Emotional Investment: Care, but don’t over-invest in things beyond your control.

🧘‍♀️ 4. Strengthen Your Focus on the Present

Engage in Mindfulness: I'm the kind of person who can tend towards combative and destructive, so I have to remember to stay grounded in the now. It’s easy to get stuck in the past, but the present is where your power lies.

Break Tasks into Steps: Focus on what you can do next. Small steps lead to big changes. This sucks but it really works.

💪 5. Develop a Resilient Mindset

Embrace Flexibility: Life’s unpredictable. Be open to change, and adapt when necessary.

Build a Growth Mindset: See challenges as opportunities to grow, not reasons to give up.

🎯 6. Focus on What You Can Control

Act on the Controllable: Identify what you can change and take action. Let go of the rest.

Shift Your Energy: Move from dwelling on the past to creating a better present.

🌸 7. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Realistic vibes only. I don't want positive vibes when unwarranted, and don't want negative vibes full-stop.

Limit Negative Inputs: Protect your energy by avoiding negativity, whether it’s people, media, or environments. Emphasis on the media. Don't listen to music with lyrics containing negative messages; they become part of your reality and conditioning.

🚀 8. Set Future-Oriented Goals

Visualize Success: Focus on where you want to go, not where you’ve been. Set your sights on new goals. My past is full of achievements, but I have to move forward and not rest on my laurels.

Take Small Steps: Break your goals into achievable actions. Small wins build momentum.

🏃‍♂️ 9. Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise Regularly: Movement is medicine. It boosts mood and resilience.

Practice Relaxation Techniques: Yoga, meditation, and deep breathing help reduce stress and enhance emotional strength.

🌟 10. Practice Gratitude

Focus on the Positive: Shift your mindset from loss to abundance by regularly acknowledging what you’re thankful for.

Keep a Gratitude Journal: Write down what you’re grateful for each day. It’s a powerful habit.

✨ 11. Accept and Let Go

Acknowledge Closure: Recognize when something is over, and consciously decide to move on.

Perform a Letting-Go Ritual: Do something symbolic to release what’s holding you back. Burn that letter, delete those old texts—whatever it takes.

🌈 12. Embrace the Process

Understand It Takes Time: Moving on fast doesn’t mean rushing your emotions. Heal in your own time, but keep moving forward.

Celebrate Progress: Every step, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. Celebrate it.

Resilience isn’t about avoiding pain. It’s about bouncing back stronger each time. 💪🌻

[pinehutch]

When I say that I want to be evil

what I mean is I want to be powerful. What I mean is I want to be free.

Some weeks ago I spent more money than I should have on my first ever (ever!) two-piece swimsuit. You have to understand that as a child I was told I was fat, and as a teen I was told I was fat, and as an adult I've always been fat*, and you can't read your way out of the shame caused not strictly by the word but by its connotations.

(I know, because I've tried. I have been trying for almost twenty years. Looking for plus-sized fashion brought me to the digital 'fatosphere.' It made me a better person as I learned about another dimension of intersectionality and about power and oppression. It made me feel like I could wear clothing that I liked. It made me more informed about the diet and wellness industry. It's been over 20 years since I first read a critique of the BMI; it's been almost as long since I started wondering why gros/se in my close-second language didn't have the same (haha) weight to it as fat does, in my first.)

At the tail end of June, days long and scorching, I stepped into a two-piece swimsuit with a deep-v neckline and my whole midsection exposed and I spent the day in full view of dozens (hundreds?) of strangers. Cold, cold water on the joints; warm, soft pools for the evening. My hair got bigger and bigger. My neck and chest sunburned. My midriff stayed comically, blindingly pale, and everything else? It was lovely; it was fine. I rarely thought about my body, unless it was 'this feels nice' or 'my swimsuit is so pretty.' I took a selfie, even, though I deleted it. I was worried that posting it would count as thirst-trapping; shame has cored out and replaced so much of me. It was a good pic, though, and I wish I'd kept it.

What was true of me that day: I was a quite tall, very fat femme person whose feet swell with arthritis and whose hair takes up the entire frame and who's had cellulite since grade eight. What else was true: many people complimented my swimsuit. I looked out across the valleys and the mountains from the top of my almost-six-feet. I let my shoulders roll back and smiled at the sight of my bare skin gone blue-wavering-dappled beneath the surface. I stood tall. I made eye contact. I enjoyed delightful company, and let that enjoyment extend to the simple pleasure of having a body that felt fairly good, in garments I had chosen for the joy of it.

You can't read your way out of shame; it's only part of the equation. I didn't go swimming the next day with my family members, because I didn't want to feel them looking at my body and being disappointed that What A Beautiful Girl turned out like I did (though: if What A Beautiful Girl then why You Need To Watch What You Eat?). But for an entire day I felt like anyone else, gentle enough, good enough, in my skin.

It would have been good for me to swim with my family that weekend, because I'm finding that - as in all things - the practice is important. You can't read your way out of shame, not entirely, but in working with and through it there's maybe a chance to rewrite our stories.

There's a fallacy that I think a lot of us fall into, when we're trying to counter and challenge fatphobia, both culturally and in ourselves. It's the fallacy of the Good Fat. It's why I want to tell you about how two-pieces are maybe a better swimwear choice for me because of the drastic difference between my tits and hips vs my waist. It's why I wanted to post that selfie, so people could shoutycaps and fire emoji me on twitter. It's why I want to craft this post into a narrative where spending a single day mostly-unburdened by body shame has led to a hot girl summer, and I'm walking for miles every day and going to the pool four times a week. (I'm not. I still have a day job, and writing to do, and a physical disability, and the ol' depression. I'm more active than I was three months ago, and working to improve that, but still. It's not a lot.)

It is, simply, the same lie as we tell ourselves along so many different axes of marginalization: that as long as we are exceptional in a way equal and opposite to our marginalization, we'll be fine. It's the model that says you earn the right to exist fat and unashamed by being healthy, by being active, by being hot. Sorry my hip is squished against yours on the airplane; at least I've got a nice face and good hair and am well-dressed, wanna admire my hip-to-waist ratio about it?

There's no such thing as a Good Fat because we live in an inherently fatphobic world. I mean: airplane seats are too small for anyone average sized. I mean: 20 years ago I was a size 16/18 and couldn't fit into the newer lecture hall seats at my university without a lot of stress and embarrassment. I mean: I can't buy a compression sleeve for my arthritic joints at the drug store. If I ever needed to take Plan B, it might not work because I weigh (as do most adults of my acquaintance) more than 165lbs. You cannot be hot enough or active enough or well-dressed enough to escape from this; the only option is to be Not Fat.

But why on earth would we want to accept this? We know the system is fucked up and evil, and so: we want to be evil. Just a little bit, just enough. We want to be hot villains. We want to serve cunt and to be cunts. We want to nailcare emoji, fire emoji, crown emoji, and we want to take no prisoners unless it's between our thick thick thighs. Sit on their face; if they die, they die. It's fun and sexy, in a world where "everything is sex, except sex, which is power" to dig in and grab handfuls of what looks like empowerment, fuck the rest of it, get what makes you feel best.

It's a mirage; freedom doesn't live there.

Because of course fat people are hot. Fat bodies are desirable. Fat bodies are strong, sometimes, and athletic, sometimes, and powerful in whatever way you'd like to read that. That's true no matter what.

And yet (this will hurt) fat bodies are still (I'm sorry, I'm so sorry) not good enough. If the system is the problem, your individual empowerment is not the (whole) solution.

When I say that I want to be evil, what I mean is I want to be free. I want the strange rare days I've known I was desirable because I was desired, specifically and individually. I want the days where I grant myself dignity. I want the day where I lived peacefully in my mostly-naked body around hundreds of strangers, and went to bed happy.

Reading is input, it's taking in. I can't read my way all the way out of fatphobia, out of body shame because that's like trying to put out a forest fire 2000km away by throwing baking soda on your stove element. (Not harmful, but insufficient and misdirected.) It has been so helpful to know that other people wrestle with all of this, in ways that are more intelligent and expert than mine; it doesn't change material reality, though.

It's not the shame that's the problem, but where it comes from. It's not my internalized fatphobia or low self-worth or lack of body confidence that keeps people from life-saving medical care because their doctors were obsessed with their weight instead of their symptoms. My soft abdomen has never shamed a stranger on the internet, my calves (never in tall boots) haven't forced someone to buy a second seat.

Maybe it's time that I redefine what I mean when I say I want to be evil. I want to be a hot villain that was justified in their takedown of the status quo. I want to put a crown on every head. I want these thick thighs under me as I pull you into my lap and love you, and to use those fire emojis to make room for new growth.

I want us all at the pool together, celebrating as the sun sets.

*I'm using "fat" to here mean something like "size 16 US women's or larger," but there's no good definition