#WE HAD SUCH GRAND PLANS
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The double-edged sword of enjoying Chicago and knowing basically all the songs by heart, but also can't stop crying every time I watch/listen to any of them bcs I can't stop thinking about how covid robbed me of getting the experience of ever performing it :(
#*in the pit#its literally like the best show ever for the pit#and yet i learned all that music and got it stuck in my head for months(well years now lmao)#and for what.#for nothing.#UGHHHHHHHHH IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING SAD#WE HAD SUCH GRAND PLANS#and covid hit literally the week of the first full practice with the pit and cast combined#so ill literally never know what it would have been like to be on stage#it hurts my heart so badly#bcs i rly love the songs and know them so well but i cant enjoy them bcs i just get really sad#and not only did covid ruin that show. it also ruined any performances for the rest of highschool#bcs social distancing#so irs like. i felt such joy for 1 and half years#like got to do something i really vibed with#AND THEN IT GOT DESTROYED#i generally like the quarantine time bcs it changed me a lot as a person#but this. i cannot ever let it slide. it will haunt me for the rest of my life#bcs thw first musical i did. it was a very typical musical for pit#like wear all black. sit in the pit area. fun fun#but Chicago. the pit is literally part of the cast. its so front and center#but nope!!!! 😭😭#sorry angsting#also it will piss me off forever that in the recording of the other musical +#they cut out so many of the instrumental bits. like wow fuck us i guess!!#i remember buying the dvd and then being soooo disappointed and ive never touched it again#catie.rambling.txt
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Cedlock Week 2024 Day 2: Sea/Boat
Behold, a mini comic!
#nox draws#i almost gave up on day 2 BUT WE PULLED THROUGH#i like drawing lines on faces <3#and lines in general <3#if you can't tell <33#ehehe#sofia the first#cedric the sorcerer#greylock the grand#cedlock#cedlock week#cedlock week 2024#stf fanart#the original comic i had planned was gonna be much longer and more serious#but first of all it's a weekday#secondly the dialogue for that was driving me crazy#so.#yeah you guys are never getting anything serious from me#apart from borderline-depression stuff#yippeeeee#can't see any mistakes yet but i feel like they're hiding in there
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HAPPY GRIMMICHI DAY (6/15) TO ALL THOSE WHO CELEBRATE 🧡🩵🧡🩵🧡🩵🧡🩵🧡🩵🧡🩵
#king’s court#bleach#grimmichi#I had grand plans to have a fic or two to post for today and… that fell through because I’ve felt like shit all week#hopefully 🤞 I can get something out by tomorrow as a belated celebration#but we shall see
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The fundamental problem with House of The Dragon, not even as an adaptation, but as a show, and simply a story, is that none of the characters feel like people. They're cardboard cutout dialogue delivery machines, they do what the story requires of them at any given moment and then evaporate into thin air. Their actions aren't internally consistent to a person with a mind and opinions and emotions of their own, the explanation for why they do the things they do nine times out of ten boils down to "they had to hit X point on the skeleton chart of plots beat that needed to be fulfilled" with all the moments in between being "the writers wanted them to", people aren't always objectively consistent but they are INTERNALLY consistent, and it's why these characters don't feel like people, they're not and the writers aren't interested in making us BELIEVE they are, they're interested in seeing them do what they want when they want it while checking off just enough requirements to still have HBO release it. If there is ever a frustration, an incoherence, a simple why about the choices made and narrative created, nine times out of ten, this is going to be your answer. Not only is looking for something deeper or better going to drive you insane either from frustration or powerlessness (trust me, I’ve been there), the people in charge are relying on us to do so, it’s why this fandom was the perfect place to be so self indulgent and egotistical, we’ve been trained by the creator for twenty-odd years to believe there’s always a bigger scheme and grander plans. Not this time, not here. And when people recognize this is the answer, there’s no wild goose chase protecting the creators anymore, there’s just criticism, and the consequences of their own self indulgence and ego. Don’t drive yourself crazy looking for answers, drive them crazy by demanding explanations.
#asoiaf#HotD#house of the dragon#hotd characters#hotd writers#anti hotd#anti house of the dragon#anti ryan condal#anti sara hess#anti bad fanfic self insert show#and because I know people will be weird at me for this#no one infiltrated the franchise#or chose asoiaf just to make something like this#I’m saying that the excuses/justifications#that it’s all a part of a masterful grand plan#that will amaze and astonish when seen in full#is an absolute crock#but they know that excuse buys them time and credibility#because we as a fandom have been trained to believe that reasoning#since before this franchise had even *begun* to be adapted for tv#and for all the good AND bad that’s done us#it’s why that claim has allowed them to avoid so much warranted criticism#The Gods are stubborn but so am I: Musings
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I saw the Northern Lights and I’m having an extreme emotional reaction excuse me
#I always planned on going somewhere else to see them#never in a million years thought I’d see them at home#it was like when I went to the Grand Canyon#I went because everyone hyped it up and it was on my way home#then I got to the grandview point#I climbed out to a pillar I really shouldn’t have#one lady was yelling about it the entire time#but then other people joined me#it was probably one of the most peaceful moments in my life#that’s what tonight was#profound peace#pure awe and wonder#a desperate wish that I also am part of those colors and swirls that inspire so much#I might not be much#but maybe the collection tells these stories#please don’t ruin them.#northern lights#aurora borealis#EDIT: I live in the east coast of the USA & I was roadtripping back from the west coast#which is why I mention stopping at the Grand Canyon#my sister and I roadtripped to get me there but we got snowed in at flagstaff and couldn’t go to the canyon#so I went on my way back#I had a whole national park tour planned#and I arrived 3 days later than intended specifically because of the Grand Canyon and Grabd Teton
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Uh...hey...I know things are really fucking awful with the election and everything but I saw your kms post and i cannot bring myself to just...scroll past that without checking in....'are you okay?' seems like such a silly question to ask right now but....are you okay?
i wont actually kms no. shits about to be really hard and really scary but i cried a bunch and now im putting in job applications so we can try to save up and leave before That Fucking Happens
#which is just. fucking. killing me because we were finally SO CLOSE to doing our name changes#and now its entirely up in the air on if we actually can#and thats killing me. killing me dude i cannot describe how much thats hurting me#ive been waiting 10 years to do this and its still just fucking slipping through my fingers i hate this. i fucking hate this#genuinely genuinely i had a plan to save up but its so out the window i might crowdsource the grand we need to both change our names#its so fucking expensive to do it here but we just. itll take time to get all of our documents reissued#and our passports too#itll be a lot of sitting on our hands before we can leave and i cant make that even longer waiting a couple months to afford our name chang#so like. the kms is real but i wouldnt ever actually do that to my husband#fuck man#weve been trying to immigrate for almost a decade i cant wrap my head around the amount of fighting weve done for like#nothing to show for it#this fucking SUCKS
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#naruto#uchiha itachi#chapter 260#+kakashi#kks is sooo bad at evading genjustus#i know itachi is especially proficient with genjutsu but#thinking of during thewarring states era where ghe senjus were fightinf the uchihas for YEARS#either they weren't as good with genjutsu or like the senju had some special evading abilities lol#we don't see madara using them v much outside of his grand moon plan#probably bc he enjoys physicality so much#so maybe they just were bad at them djdjjd#imagine having Illusion eyes and just being like no thanks
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For the longest time, I always thought I wanted to be an artist.
#and in a roundabout sort of way i am#and i doubt i'll ever make anything that's “worthy” enough to hang in a museum or gallery#but sometimes it's a lot more gratifying inspiring other people and helping them make stuff#helped a kid in my class today who didn't have a parent with them make a flower and a bat and a butterfly#they just needed a lot of help but they were so proud of that flower they made and were so excited they could take it home#another kid made the cutest bunny and a little diorama for it out of a piece of bark and literal trash we picked up on the trail#even made a little tail out of a gold sequin that they magically collected from somewhere#had another kid bring back a whole ass tumbleweed with grand ambitions to decorate it but then had a sudden change of plans#so sure you can draw a cat on your piece of origami paper with the hot glue gun kid just don't burn yourself or use all the glue sticks#i don't know what the moral of this story is but look i just had a nice day okay#some days i'm out there attempting to save a whole ass ecosystem and trying to convince people to give a shit#other days hanging out with kids and gluing bits of nicely folded paper to a twig#rambling into the void#little ghost on the prairie#tag essay
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"All I want for Christmas is to want to write my fanfic" - two very tired authors with 0 motivation
#otherwise known as me and optimistic-violinist#we got about 2000 words into the next chapter and then the motivation left and has not come back#tbtk#We had grand plans of finishing this thing by the end of the year#That is incredibly unlikely now#like a .05% chance if a Christmas miracle happens#we both want to want to write but#gestures aimlessly#hoping motivation and energy will crawl out of the woodwork
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Taking Miss Lily away from fandom until y’all learn how to treat black women like people
#i’ve seen so many justifications for her death these last few days and it’s starting to piss me off#i’ve seen people describe her as treacherous and say she was plotting something (which i still don’t get. what was her big plan?)#and now people are saying louis didn’t care about her at all#are we just uncomfortable that lestat murdered an innocent woman?#can we still not handle the knowledge that lestat is terrible??#lily did NOTHING wrong#she was killed bc lestat was bored with her and likely jealous of the closeness she had with louis#she’s a victim. more of a victim than antoinette who we seem to have a grand amount of sympathy for 🤔#lily was shown to be supportive and playful and that’s what gets her killed#and yet somehow she’s the villain#somehow she was treacherous and svheming and deserved her death#fucking hate it here
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ALSOOO thinking abt this bit in ntn... the obvious revulsion ianthe has for the realisation that palamedes was right + she IS irreversibly part naberius + her immediate abandonment of naberius' body in response.... the whole thing reeks of denial like rest in peace to the sandy foundations she built her performative sense of self on but this wave is inevitable girl!! you can't uneat what you've already digested
#maybe the real unwanted guest was the cavalier we ate along the way#ianthe is soooo fascinating bc everything she says or does hinges on this persona shes cultivated to present to the world#like i dont think we've EVER seen her with her guard down or 'unscripted'. or had any real sense of whats going through her mind#shes never getting out of the labyrinth#but the way she reacts to palamedes' suggestion..... it feels VERY defensive. i bet something in there is shattering#very curious abt where her character will go in alecto.. i imagine she'll revert to propping herself on corona who she sees as perfectly-#predictable/controllable in order to reassert her crumbling identity. would LOVE if corona broke out of the mould ianthe forces her into#i think it would fully break ianthe to realise that not only does she not know herself but her perception of corona is an illusion too#like she does have her own ambitions and desires outside of ianthe!! theyve just never been separated long enough for her to realise them#god can u imagine if corona rejects whatever grand plan ianthe is piecing together for her. everything shes done for nothing#it smells lyctorish bc i cant imagine ianthe wanting to be a lyctor if corona wouldnt be forever at her side. but she wouldnt want-#corona's soul to be 'spoiled' by consuming anyone else and she also wouldnt want corona to become capable of necromancy#bc that would upset their power dynamic.. can u IMAGINE if corona convinced judith to eat her. itd be so over we're talking murder suicide#SOO MANY THOUGHTS i cant wait this long for alecto#.diaries#tlt#the unwanted guest spoilers
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You should kill them before they end up killing you. Be careful Gortash
"They are my ally. I will not kill them. And while your concern for my well-being is appreciated, I do not require it. With this in mind. Get out."
#Nonnie#Nonnie ask answered#|| Let's consider why Banites don't really kill - only if they don't have any other choice.#|| Ruling over others is much more useful for them. They're tyrants after all. Using assets to reach their goals is beneficial for them.#|| A dead person is not useful.#|| ...unless they prove to be a weak ally - in which case they're not useful so they're better off dead (us if we hand over the stones).#|| Or when they're just pawns and they've served their purpose (patriars).#|| Gortash's dynamic with the Bhaalspawn is full of mind games and tests. From both sides.#|| The Bhaalspawn had a test mission with Gortash and Gortash ''did miss this'' when he literally plays is fucked up mind games.#|| (He plays mind games with Tav too - demanding the stones and wanting them to refuse him. TWICE.)#|| ...I'd like to mention that I really found it interesting that despite the fact that as Tav we'd serve our purpose-#|| -in getting the stones - he doesn't WANT Tav and their group to be in the Accelerated Grand Design.#|| In one of his books in his office he recorded that he plans to find a place for us in his ''Golden Reign of Gortash''.#|| He wanted to keep Tav on his good side. As a strong ally who tells him no occasionally. A strong ally who rules with him.#|| He'd surely control them - but not completely.#|| ...just as he wanted to keep the Bhaalspawn alive and on his side.#|| Sigh. I have so many thoughts and feelings. 😩
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ok at the point now where looking at an image of dennis makes me want to smash my head through a wall
#ada speaks#idk how ppl exist in this fandom who don't feel bad for him tbh#which is the last thing den wants bc being perceived as weak and pitiable is devastating to him but#chasing this mfer down to give him a hug#he is so. fucked up. he has been fucked up by every adult in his life.#i think the fandom perceives him as this spoiled rich kid who had it better than most of the gang but the reality is#he was failed just like the rest of them and it's almost worse because he doesn't – and almost CAN'T – recognize this#letting the protective ego-boosting and boasting drop leads to him having to confront SO much baggage and i don't think he is mentally able#i think he DOES know deep down that everything is a lie and he has been hurt because we see that self awareness in ptsdee and tends bar#but his relationship with everyone in the gang is so strained that i don't think he would be able to have a moment like charlie did in s15#even in tends bar there's a moment where they all recognize something is going on with him but immediately place him at the center#because he's the problem with him. anything done to him is his fault. it's not only something he reinforces. the gang does too#this must be because *dennis* has no feelings and he hates valentines day because everyone else is unlike him which makes *him* mad#the entire gang has an issue placing blame on themselves but to not even be able to conceive of dennis being hurt by them is. telling#because he's inhuman to them. it's how he's propped himself up and yet simultaneously hopes that they will see through that act#the way he reworks things in his mind so that everything is a consequence of his grand plan#means that he is always at fault regardless of whether he brushes the blame off#so he is not a *victim* of anyone else. because this was all under his control. he wasn't raped because he was initiating it.#klinsky was His Conquest. he was fourteen and she was in her fifties but he forced himself on her so that makes it His Fault.#it was a two way road. he's fourteen. and he 'entered' her. he's fourteen. but she was uncomfortable with his advances. but he was fourteen#cw csa mention
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Grand fest ended just yesterday >~<
I can't stahp crying at the songs halp ples I hold the passage of time in reverence team future we fought hard and time will continue to march forward we will leave our marks and it will become the present and I will always respect my past where I became more human I love you Thank you so cod damm much splatoon!!!! team past has won in the present but regardless we must move forward, To the future!!!! 🪸🦑🐙🐟🪸
🦑🫀This series genuinly means the wrld to me🫀🐙🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟
#ive got some bigger splatoon/grand fest projects planned now that fest is over :D#also the last two splatfest posts im late on >~< soon#splatoon 3#splatoon#grand fest#little buddy#splatfest#team future#ggs team past yall had the best ink and presents ink was also peak admittedly we had the worst ink but#-it dont matter im in pursuit of the precious!!🔮
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…it really feels like, as an adult member of a two-person household where the other person has earlier in the day communicated that they expect to be busy throughout much of the evening with work calls and the dinner plan is reheating leftovers, i ought to be able to leave the house for a grand total of four (4) hours (getting back after dark, yes—not hard these days!—but before 9 PM) without being greeted when i get back by being asked to ~be more communicative about what i’m up to~ :/
#like no a big thing was not made of it and yes i do get very prickly abt this#but it’s like. why are we SO stiflingly codependent!!! you can text me and ask if you’re so fussed!!#but his not doing that doesn’t count as being bad at communication somehow#anyway basically it’s a predictable combination of still not really seeing me as an adult bc i’m a Problem Child#and his own anxious insecurity that makes him really strongly inclined to codependence#and he’s much less overtly unpleasant about it than my mother was#but like. i’m an adult with whom you had no dinner plans and to whom you had communicated you’d be busy at home all evening!#i feel like i should be able to go out for‚ again‚ a grand total of four hours without having to report in!#blergh.#journaling#domesticities#a consistent family tag
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read the first dressrosa volume and id never gone back to reread this arc in full after reading it the first time so I'm just now realizing but wow wow the coliseum part is So Much more fun to read after you know who the characters taking part in it are ????
#reminder that this is the only part in op that caused me to stop reading for a while the first time we went through it#cause there were so many characters i couldn't give less of a fuck about#it was So Boring to me#but now that I'm rereading it's actually the part i look forward to the most while we switch around ??#i had completely forgotten that hack was in there wow....... i saw him and i was like ????? !!!!!!!!!!! HACK!!!!#I'm guessing he was sent in to get the mera mera for sabo when sabo realized it was the grand prize to avoid sabo getting in there himself?#maybe?#i genuinely don't remember what he was doing i really forgot one of them was inside the competition from the start#weren't they looking for the factory too? or do i remember this wrong?#anyway yay hack!!!#and then caveendish and barto too 😭😭#oh barto wad so unbearable at first..........love that for him#anyway yeah insane the change this side arc goes through in perception when you reread#i could barely deal with it at first and now I'm all yes but can we go back to the coliseum who's fighting lemme see!!!#me sitting next to zoro watching on the big screen as the plan goes up in flames around us fr fr
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