#Video Review: White Noise

[flhoarder]

Harry sings and hums along to music quite often without himself really noticing. It comforts Jean.

[nozomijoestar]

Love watching phone videos where everyone is trying to sell you the exact same phone with different brandings and colors year by year

[tremendum]

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Me and the Devil; ii

(not my gif) .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·: Paul Atreides x fem!reader previous next series masterlist

word count: 7.1k

summary:  Paul knows that whatever he is feeling, you're likely feeling a hundred times more. So, for both your sakes, he will learn to live with you, and it will start tonight. It will start with the box to his right. 

warnings: allusions to smut, knife kink if you squint very hard, still the same familial trauma, descriptions of blood/violence, Paul and reader are beefing, fear, Paul has one (1) almost-panic attack, still switching POVs, no betas because i am lazyyyyy

notes: thank u all AGAIN for the support and feedback, its what keeps me motivated :) i am planning on posting the next update later today over on AO3, so i figured i'd post another chapter on here too! lmk what y'all think, tysm for the support! love to u all xx

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In the revered customs of House Bourbon, the path to marriage is paved with cherished rituals and symbolic gestures, each sacred to the planet Sabberon's culture. Though the house may have dwindled in stature over the past three centuries, its customs and rituals remain a testament to the enduring legacy of a once-great lineage.

Unlike the grandiose affairs of some of the larger noble houses, betrothal within House Bourbon is a deeply intimate and sacred process, guided by the rhythms of nature. Rooted in their own ancient spiritual religion, which has endured through centuries of change and upheaval, marriage is viewed as not merely a union between two individuals, but a harmonious life in the embrace of the natural world.

This section reviews the process of Courtship and Betrothal for the House of Bourbon, including: 

Betrothal Gifts 

Heirloom Exchange

Harvest Festival Offering

Ceremony: Handfasting Ritual and Vows

Marriage Consummation.

- "Chapter 68: Customs of Marriage," The Noble Lineage: Exploring the Customs and Cultures of the Houses Major of Landsraad. Atreides Library. 

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The video drones on as Paul stares absently, his eyes heavy. There's a skip suddenly, jolting his head on his jaw as he blinks down at the textbook. The words are blurry until he shakes his head, resuming reading along as the documentary plays; a faint twitch in his left eye has not left since he started reading the chapter. 

"marriage consummations are a deeply personal and intimate affair..." the voice, factual, settles unease within Paul's stomach. Averting his eyes from the screen, he scans the page in front of him, trying to fight the resentment that bubbles in his chest. 

Among the more unique of traditions of House Bourbon, the consummation of marriage takes place outdoors, through a path walked by many ancestors. Upon a pristine white sheet, under the House's Sacred Pine Tree, this ritual symbolizes not only producing legally recognized descendants, but also the sacred union of the betrothed with nature and their ancestral lineage. 

Paul's eyes read the passage unblinkingly as his cheeks burn; his throat dries quickly.

A clear of his throat, he looks to Thufir Hawat, who watches the video documentary with an irritatingly calm expression. What kind of archaic ritual culture did this house have? He can hardly imagine you practicing these traditions on Giedi Prime; This thought makes his mouth sour and a wave of realization washes over Paul, leaving him with a sense of profound unease.

As his eyes flick back to the textbook in front of him, the words blurring and dancing before his vision, he bristles. They mock him with their implications; slowly he feels the weight of expectation bearing down on him, pressure threatening to suffocate him. 

He was trained from a young age for this, but it is all happening much too quick. The blood slams through Paul's veins suddenly in pounding bursts; the noises are too loud, the walls too close. Anger washes over him, his jaw clenching tight.

"Perhaps I should be studying Harkonnen tactics instead of this." he mutters, crossing his arms defiantly. "She's likely much more accustomed to that, anyways." It's childish, sure - he can barely breathe, however, and his tunic is stuck to his chest. His breathing is hard. 

"Paul, you mustn't-"

His rage takes hold, though. "-No! Nobody will listen. She was one of them for almost half a decade. She was accused of espionage, her family was proved of it - who's to say this isn't one big Harkonnen plot?" 

The man lets him get out his anger - Mentat training can take a lot out of one, anyways; Paul can't bring himself to school his emotions today. Why is his father not more concerned with the girl's presence?

"Thufir." Paul snaps suddenly, standing abruptly, his heart thundering in his chest. 

The Mentat looks to him - Paul sighs. "I will read about this later, I swear to it. But I'd prefer to train right now, if it's all the same to you." 

There is a clear hesitation, but Paul's cold stare earns him a conceding sigh. 

"Very well. Your father suggests you gift her soon, but..." He finishes, clearly noticing the overwhelmed look on Paul's face. "Sit down, my Lord. Let us begin today with cause and effect-" 

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The sun hides behind sullen clouds when it hits midday, casting long shadows of light among the windows.

When you woke early in the morning, your handmaidens told you that the Duke wished to meet with you later in the afternoon, and that you're invited to join the family for supper this evening. Besides this, your day is free. 

So you lie in bed most of the morning, staring warily at the dark corner of your bedroom, half-expecting the ghost to emerge from the shadow again; clenching your jaw, expecting him to come out, to crawl over your frame, to trap your jaw in his sinister grip.

He doesn't, though, and eventually you call in the maids for a spot of tea.

You feel like anything is better than meeting with the Duke - In your reluctance you'd been struck with a feeling of restlessness, anxiety curling warm as a small cat in your stomach.

Sitting up straight from where the maids had been styling your hair, you'd cleared your throat; "I'd like to go explore." you'd stated, fingers aching for the comfort of metal.

They'd shared looks of surprise - you pretended not to notice. You haven't left your room much in the days since arriving on Caladan, besides attending meals and the one time Paul had escorted you around the premises - truthfully, you still feel like you're in a dream. 

You'd sat patiently as they insisted you bathe, eating a full meal before the sun had hit the middle of the sky. The maids finally dress you in casual clothes and quietly, with the need to do something with your hands, you decide to find the armory. 

Pulling yourself together, you leave your chambers quietly, hoping to avoid contact with anyone who may be around at this hour. You can't help the smile on your lips when you take a deep breath - It's more fresh in this castle.

Perhaps your lungs are so used to heavily recycled air within your confines back on Giedi Prime, or you're trying to find something to prove that what you've endured hasn't been for nothing; That this life will be, in some way, better than that one ever could have been. 

You slink through the halls, on alert each time you pass a guard or worker, hoping you run in to no familiar faces. You've chosen to deny an escort through the castle; you prefer to be alone to your thoughts, anyways. 

A shiver runs down your back as you take in the patterned wooden beams that place intricate shadows over your frame; high, vaulted ceilings, old stone that feels wet to the touch. This place is truly beautiful in an ancient, grand way. 

In another world, you would have felt such joy to call this your home. 

Today's clothing is more forgiving; your trousers are loose but more reinforced at the hips and waist, allowing you to move much quicker and quietly through the halls. The only noise you emit is from your cloaked veil. Momentarily, you debate just ripping the veil off, burning it in one of the several hearths in the vicinity.

A small rage burns within you, simmering and igniting more each day you go on like this - resentment for the customs that you barely know, for your house that no longer exists. You wish to see the planet without green-tinted vision. 

But the image of your sister's grave all those years ago; the sight of your family falling in the sand pit of the Harkonnen arena... you swallow thickly.

The walls seem much more empty as you go further into the castle's bowels, dragging your palm along the cool stone. As you round a corner, you're stopped in your tracks upon an ornate doorway, its intricate carvings catching your eye.

There is an engraving of a man and a bull deep in the wood of the door and your fingers trace over the lines of the man's shoulders before you gently push against it.

It gives easily.

Inside is a dimly lit study; The room is filled with shelves upon shelves of ancient tomes and artifacts, the air thick with the scent of old parchment and dust. The breath you take is blown back out with particles of dust in the sunlight - several pieces of select furniture are covered with sheets, as if the room is no longer commissioned. 

You bite the sense that you're somewhere you're not supposed to be. You know there is no true danger - if you were to wander somewhere you didn't belong on Giedi Prime, you'd have been punished. You doubt, however, that the guards here would dare touch you unless you gave them a reason to. 

You walk along the treasure trove of secrets, hidden away from prying eyes; a large hawk spreading its wings carved in the window in front of you. 

It's large, proud; green and black with gold embellishments. The Atreides colors. 

There's a book that your forefinger traces - a deep blue color, the spine is old and well-read. A few of the pages are even dog-eared, the dust deliberately swept off its pages as if it was read recently.  Caladan: A Comprehensive Ecological Study of Biodiversity.

You nearly pull it out to study its contents, momentarily forgetting the task of finding the armory in your piqued interest; Yet you can explore further, you hear footsteps approaching from behind. 

Hair stands up on your neck. 

They're light, sneaking- intentionally quiet. You whirl around quick, snarling as your hand instinctively goes to your hip. You come up empty, a flash of disappointment washing over you as a reminder of your absent beloved nameday knife. 

You turn just in time to see Paul Atreides standing in the doorway, his expression shockingly guarded as he takes in the sight of you standing amidst the shelves. You flounder, having expected it to be one of your handmaidens coming to redirect you, or perhaps a member of the Duke's guard. 

Paul stares at you, too - clearly, he was not expecting to see you either. His eyes turn suspicious, flickering to the desk beside you, towered with old texts on the Atreides family and war strategy.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, his voice cold and accusatory. His cheeks are red, eyes narrow - he’s harsh in the dim lighting, when you'd thought he'd look soft. You don't need to see the crazed look in his eyes to see he's flustered about something. Irritated.

"This is my father's old study. It's not meant for prying eyes," Paul's voice slices through the air, sharp and accusatory.

Your heart lurches at the implication, a rush of heat prickling your skin as you stiffen. "I was looking for a place to train," you shoot back, your tone laced with defiance. You refuse to cower under his suspicion, no matter how thinly veiled. "I didn’t intend to intrude on your father's privacy. You may give him my apologies when you see fit."

The air seems to crackle in the distance between you, thick and palpable as Paul's piercing gaze meets yours, distrust laced through his gaze even as he maintains his chivalrous facade. The way his eyes narrow sends a surge of indignation coursing through you, your pride flaring in response.

"Forgive me if I’ve offended you," Paul's words are clipped, his tone tinged with an edge that sets your jaw tight. "Considering certain connections you may have, it's important to be cautious in matters of trust. But if you're lost, then allow me to escort you."

You bristle at the narrowly disguised accusation, your temper heating your cheeks. "Forgive me for assuming you’d know better than to judge me based on the actions of others," you retort, your voice sharp with wound. "Please don't exert yourself, my Lord, I'm sure I can find the armory without a chaperone."

With a sharp pivot, you brush past him in the doorway, your steps quick and purposeful. Each footfall echoes in the corridor, a staccato rhythm that you cannot bring yourself to care about hiding. Anger pulses through your veins, simmering your resentment. You refuse to be belittled or underestimated, not by him or anyone else.

Paul told you just yesterday that you will one day be Lady Atreides; if he is so afraid of your so-believed connections with House Harkonnen, why has he not insisted you be cast away?

You've observed Paul and his father together, and it's clear he is valued not just because he is the son of the Duke but because he is smart, cunning. Your face darkens at a thought as you tear past corners, finally rounding into a familiar area. 

Your own lineage is gone. A house as old as the planet it ruled, burnt to the ground - the other Houses Major complacent and willing to see it happen - and they plan to use you for themselves. 

You barely see anything but red.

If they think you can be manipulated to their advantage, they are sorely mistaken. you may be betrothed to Paul Atreides, but you will never be a part of their house; your blood is the ancient blood of the Pine, of the Sword.

You'll have to be a wife to the future Duke - sire an heir, live in the castle, command the planet. But you will not go down easy. 

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The armory is not as empty as you'd wished. 

In fact, it is one person too many; you're mistaken sorely when you storm in, chest heaving and cheeks hot with anger, to find one person standing in the middle of the floor. You are vibrating with hurt, anger boiling over - the only thing that will placate you might be swinging a knife. 

"Duncan." You greet him icily, your voice devoid of warmth. He faces you, blinking back his surprise. He uses your first name like a secret as he greets you; a flip of your stomach. You'd almost forgotten that name.

"Is everything alright?" He asks. A foolish question, really. You want to scream - Why did you wait so long to get me? Where were you? Where were my parents?

But you already know the answer. They were doing nothing. You grit your teeth, instead striding purposefully towards him.

"You're the Swordmaster of the Duke." You remark coolly, masking your anger - You know this, of course; He's been Duke Leto's Swordmaster since before you were bore into the world. 

"That's right." He affirms, wary of your movements as you stride towards the weapons rack.

"I find myself missing my knife - If I remember correctly, you took it from me on Giedi Prime." You walk slowly towards the center of the sparring mat where he stands, in front of the rack of shortswords. "I would like it back." 

To your surprise, Duncan nods. "Of course." he replies, "Would you like to spar for it?"

He reads you like a book.

"No honor without a fight.” you acquiesce; Fighting a man is much better than fighting a dummy, anyways - more to hit, more pain to inflict. Without waiting for a response, you snatch a blade from the rack; He tosses you a shield that you activate swiftly, assuming an offensive stance as he settles his own. 

For a moment, neither of you does anything; your blood pulses through you, eager to take out your anger, eager to show him who you've become. 

To show that you're the beast everyone expects you to be. 

You lunge at him and quickly are reminded of the skill of the man in front of you. You haven't sparred with anyone in over a week; In the commotion of your family's abdication, the arenas had been filled to the brim with your house's soldiers the whole week leading up to your exit from Giedi Prime. Even Feyd had been too occupied to fight you; Though, perhaps feeling sentimental, he’d let you pull your blade on him that last evening when you’d been on him, breath heavy against each other.

It takes only minutes before your muscles are aching, screaming; The frustration of the morning and the despair within your stomach spurs you forward, keeping your feet under your body.

Soon, your panting and the clang of steel on steel fills the room, punctuated only by both you and Duncan's measured breathing.

It’s been a long time since you trained with Duncan Idaho. You used to move together like water, even when you were just fifteen; he'd taught you how to fight like a Ginaz - your bloodline - and though his visits were sparse, he'd see you for your planet’s harvest festivals, always with a blade in your grip and your brother's hand in the other.

You were graceful when you were young and still learning. But now you're quick, snarling like a rabid dog, lashing out with teeth and nail.

It feels nothing like it used to be. 

"Have something to say, Idaho?" you ask, letting out a quick gasp as he gets near to taking you down, ducking at the last second as he charges your right side. He’d been sending you looks of interest at your newfound techniques for several minutes. 

He lets out a breath as you slide past him, slamming your elbow hard into his side; A dirty move, but all is fair in war, right? 

"You fight different, Little Bourbon," He's at least breaking a sweat; you're drenched, muscles fatigued as you fight his blade, straining with the adrenaline of a fight. He said the same thing days ago.

You're out of breath; "You already told me that." Your voice is faint as you wipe sweat from your brow, parring an attack to your left side. "It's the veil." You grit your teeth.

To be fair, it could be the veil - it's restrictive, catching on corners, pinning beneath your arm or tangling as you fight hand-to-hand. You can't see well wearing it.

His brow lifts, "I think it's probably the four years with those beasts."

Your blood runs cold; expression souring, your hackles rise. 

"What do you know of those beasts?" You snap, heart pounding as you think of the man who'd once been your intended - who'd called you his pet but paraded you like a wife. Spoiled you, ruined you. Tortured you, nurtured you - What was that old saying, about biting the hand that fed you? 

But suddenly Feyd-Rautha is in front of you, wielding both curved blades with that sinister black smile. You stumble back for a second, staring at his intimidating, lithe frame as he laughs a mirthless, dangerous chuckle down at you. 

Don’t worry, my pet. I will find you again.

Heart in pain, you lash out, grunting as you swipe at his face; It's Duncan, though, and you can't hide the gasp as you blink away the vision. Your heart thuds heavy between your ribs. 

He jolts back, tutting. "I didn't mean to imply that it is a weakness, my lady." He blocks a blow and you struggle for a moment against his sheer strength; with a twinge of anger, you can tell he's going easy on you.

He continues on. "-Far from it. you seem to forget that I've fought them, but that is besides the point-" He's momentarily distracted when he disarms you, and you use the opportunity to flip sideways, jumping gracefully over the water station to retrieve your blade. His face betrays a look of appreciation at your acrobatics, smirking as the pitcher of water shakes slightly. 

Concealing a grin, you creep back around, launching into an attack that he parries quickly, dropping you on to your side. You grunt, kicking with your legs to twist, trying to force his body off of yours - a momentary weakness, and you're done. 

He stares down at you, raising his brows. "I'm just saying, maybe there's aspects of your training that could benefit from a more balanced approach." He finishes his sentence just as he bests you, your blade flipping against your own ribs as he forces your arm tight against yourself. you hiss and twist; to no avail.

He's won. 

Still fighting the adrenaline from your vision of Feyd, you snarl. "What are you implying? I'm too rabid an animal for you people to tame? Is House Atreides scared of Little Bourbon?" You snap, eyes alight with heat. "Or, are they just afraid I've become Little Harkonnen?" you snap. 

He does not take your bait. Instead, he rolls off of you, standing up and offering you a hand. With a sharp glance, you take it, letting him pull your full weight off the ground as if you're nearly weightless. 

"What I am saying is that I am here every day. Come train whenever you please." 

You sigh, side cramping as you move from his grip to pour yourself a glass of water. You pour a shaky one for Duncan, too, trying to fight the creeping sensation that he's talking to a stranger. He grasps the water gently, watching you from the corner of his eye. 

The hesitation makes your jaw clench in anticipation; You busy yourself by examining the various blades that lie before you, knowing what's to come. 

Finally, he says your name softly. "We haven't gotten to discuss any of this..." he is clearly trying to put together words, but you cannot bear to hear them - you drag your finger along a curved blade, eyes squinting shut.

"I'm sorry. I…" he starts gently, trailing off as if he can't bear to say it out loud, reaching out to touch your arm but thinking twice. His fingers hesitate just before your bicep. 

Just as much; You fight not to recoil from his touch, swallowing hard as you step away slightly, tossing the knife back on the rack. "I'm fine," you reply curtly, voice steelier than ever. "Nothing to do about it now."

Duncan sighs, but does not call your bluff. You almost appreciate him for it. 

"Now where did you put my knife?" 

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You're struck with an observation when you sit in the conference hall across from the Duke later that afternoon: They do not sit like a council, looking down at you - instead, the table is rounded with only one seat missing, next to Halleck. You suspect Paul's is the body absent from the chair; he’s training with Duncan, then. You must have just missed him on your way back. 

Cautiously, your fingers toy with your newly reclaimed blade, its shine restored with the etchings across the hilt. You're significantly tired after your sparring, but Duncan’s words have settled a thin blanket of unease over you that pulls taught when your eyes land on the Lady Jessica. Her eyes stare unblinking at you, and though there is a soft smile upon her lips, you have to fight to resist a snarl. 

The Duke is serious as he regards you, hands clasping as you make yourself comfortable; he holds up a hand to stop the guards who unsheathe their blades when you set your own blade down in front of you for all to see.

A threat, or perhaps a sign of respect. You're unsure. 

"Lady Bourbon, thank you for meeting with us." His voice is a deep caramel, not unlike his son's - years of diplomatic training. "We know how hard this can be. The weight of your sudden responsibility does not go unappreciated."

You nod curtly, gaze fixed on the table before you; You've never been known for your patience. "How may I be of service, my Lord?" 

At your deflection, he nods slightly, "I was told you spent the afternoon training with Duncan Idaho." He speaks plainly and you are, if nothing else, appreciative of that; His eyes glance over the short sword that lays in front of you, to the signature black leather that wraps around the hilt. Once, it had served as a claim - but now, you're unsure. 

"Yes, my Lord." You say, voice serious and strong. 

The Duke’s brows are low over his eyes; an expression you can imagine on his son's face quite easily. You're unsurprised Paul has become such a well-respected figure in the castle even with the workers and servants who tend to you every morning - even this morning Hestia told you of his rigorous training but also of his intelligence, diplomacy, and honor. While you had clenched your jaw at her words, you now suppose in a diplomatic sense, he will assume his father's role quite perfectly one day. 

"We'd like to reiterate that you are free to pursue your interests, to educate yourself, and to engage in hobbies that bring you joy. We hope for you to consider this your home, and know that we are here to support you in any way we can." Lady Jessica says, her voice quiet but intense; much like her son. 

This is… not what you’d anticipated. You sit, rigid as a board, eyes wide. You're unsurprised that your unease on this planet is clear - you barely sleep, you never eat around them, you barely speak, choosing to keep to yourself. 

"We would like to know of your interests so we may set you up with any materials you may need. I'd like to introduce to you Dr. Yueh, as well as Thufir Hawat, who have volunteered to help tutor you should you wish. Duncan Idaho also wishes to help you train if you see fit. I understand you knew him when you were young." The Duke offers, sitting straight in his seat.

Much to your chagrin, your eyes burn with unshed tears as you slowly process the words. For the first time in what feels like an eternity, you're being offered a taste of freedom.

It sends you into fight or flight; your heartbeat pounds against your ribs, your hands clenching hard. You feel cornered, but take a breath. There is no hostility here.

I must not fear. fear is the mind-killer. fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Clearing your throat, you lift your head slightly. "Your...generosity overwhelms me. I was educated for a while in politics and local economics, and I've always been fascinated by botany and ecology- I..." your mouth is incredibly dry, voice void of emotion. You bite your lip, one tear slowly tracking over your cheek; You really must be exhausted.

"Thank you." You don't know what else to say. 

There is a small gleam of recognition that passes Duke Leto's eyes at your words, his smile intrigued. "Those are noble pursuits. You have similar interests to my own son - I believe you two will have much to discuss."

Your mouth bitters at the suggestion and you try not to squirm in your seat; For a moment, you'd slipped away - into a world where you are their daughter, a world where you aren't tainted by the last several years, by the crimes of your House- where you haven’t been turned into a monster that hisses at a glimpse of the sun. 

But of course, as you'd expected, there is no good will for free: The next words set your back rigid. 

"Though we are hesitant to put you into another painful situation, it is hard to deny just how helpful you could be to us, my Lady." Gurney Halleck speaks from besides the Duke.

Your eyes snake to him, your back prickling. You resist the urge to run, or to throw your blade at his head.

"-and we hope, when you are ready, you might give us some insight into your previous arrangements." He says, surprisingly delicately.

You can't help but bristle at the sentiment; the offer of cooperation feels more like coercion. You don't by law owe the Atreides anything besides wedding their son, but the implications of the arrangement suggest a lifetime of servitude towards them - and you despise owing people anything.

Perhaps, if not just the Harkonnens, they prefer you for your relationship with your bastard mother's sister, the lady of House Ginaz? This thought has several times crossed your mind, but you're sure they'd be displeased to hear of how strained such relationship became when the Harkonnens started filtering your messages.

Barely any of her letters made it to you for the last several years in your time at Giedi Prime, and you're almost certain none of yours made it out at all. You haven't heard from her in some time. 

You wait a moment, collecting your thoughts and willing yourself to only reveal what you need them to know. Self-preservation builds itself around you like rock-solid armor. "During my time with the Harkonnens, I became privy to certain..." you purse your lips, looking for the right word, "lateral moves."

Gurney Halleck's eyes fly to you, as do Lady Jessica's.

"-However, my interactions were primarily with Feyd-Rautha; The Baron held little interest in me until my family was caught, and Glossu Rabban suspected me of being a spy long before he'd ever met me."  As you speak, Lady Jessica's keen eyes observe you closely, her lips pressed into a thin line. You pretend not to notice as her hand flicks down by her side, the Duke and War Master's eyes flickering down to observe her hidden words. 

You set your jaw, ignoring their silent communication, "I do not know much about their deals on Arrakis, but I have gathered enough about their industries on Giedi Prime." You say, eyeing them all. Recalling Paul’s earlier mistrust, you add, "I have no reason to lie." 

It's quiet at the table as the Duke sits in thought, Gurney turning to whisper lowly to the man. He nods, and after a moment, looks back at you. "I'd wonder if you might attend a meeting with my Strategy Council next week." The Duke proposes, shocking you. Stiffly, you nod. "There is a Space Trade Route Referendum coming soon, as I'm sure you know, and we would benefit from your insight." 

You truly have to fight the flush that grows on your cheeks, reminding yourself of where you are, who you are. These are still the people who think you are some rabid dog that they may muzzle. A pawn to play. 

"I'd be pleased, my Lord." It comes short of genuine in tone, your apprehension showing. 

He nods, glancing down before looking back up. "If I may..." He addresses you with your first name, a jolt to your system. "We value everyone in this castle. Plans have changed quickly, and it is more than understandable if you have felt unwelcome or alienated here on Caladan, though we do not wish it."

You let a short breath, biting back a bitter quip about their son and his willingness to chew you out for exploring the walls of what was supposed to be your castle.

But perhaps your anger and fear have been projected onto the Duke and Lady Jessica, which, in fairness, is not theirs to receive; No matter if their son is mistrusting, they have shown nothing but respect for you in this transition. You hesitate, biting your lip. 

"I apologize if I have come off as ungrateful." Your voice is much softer than anticipated, your throat floundering in embarrassment. You can only thank your lucky stars that the Atreides boy is not here to snicker at your misery - though as the sharp eyes of everyone at the table turn to you, the self-deprecating feeling turns towards disdain for him; anger, for daring to disrespect his future wife. 

"It was never my intention." You take a breath, choosing your words carefully. "I am not unused to being treated like a spy, even in the house I am supposed to become a part of."

Your voice is strong as your chin holds high, staring straight at the Duke although he cannot see your gaze. "Perhaps, if I were less interrogated by select members of the House Atreides, I might feel more at ease." You speak honestly; if nothing else comes of this, perhaps Paul will get his ear chewed out by his father or mother - and that, you feel, is justice.

You don't care that you are a stranger to everyone at this table and they have known him for his whole life; you will not be pushed around.

Folding your hands, you continue, "I'd like to pass along my personal apologies for entering your old study this morning when I was lost." you say, "Lord Paul informed me that it is off-limits to my kind." 

The looks on their faces show their varying degrees of surprise; the Duke, however, glances sidelong at the empty seat at the table before clenching his jaw, eyes something akin to irate. The two make eye contact before Halleck sighs gently, hand falling over his forehead.

You can tell the Duke is about to speak but you don't wish to listen to any excuse he could find for his brat of a son- unfortunately for you, it is not acceptable to interrupt a Duke. So you sit, foot bouncing on the floor, as he purses his lips. 

"This arrangement was certainly a shock to him as well as to you. But that does not permit disrespectful behavior." This, indeed, comes as surprise to you, having expected them to support the na-Duke's every whim.

"-As for my former study, it is now used as an archive room. I apologize if there was any confusion regarding its accessibility - I will speak with my son about the importance of clarity and respect in our household rules." His words held a note of sternness; a silent admonishment directed towards his absent heir. "You are allowed wherever you wish." 

Once again, you're flooded with emotion; Perhaps they do want you to come into your own here. Perhaps the Duke's son has his own opinions about you and your history, but that does not mean his parents feel the same. 

You feel a sudden spark of rebellion - could you find some kind of purpose with House Atreides, despite their ulterior motives? After all, your house was once a strong ally of theirs. The thought flickers tantalizingly before you, only to be swiftly extinguished by the reality of your situation.

No, you remind yourself bitterly. You are tainted with blood - not Atreides, not Bourbon - but Harkonnen. Paul will always see you as a beast, wife or not. 

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:

Supper is called later than Paul expects.

His stomach growls by the time you come into the hall; though he and his parents have been at the table for some time. 

There is a box in his hand, one that will sit next to him until the end of dinner. It glares at him tauntingly; he avoids its stare. 

You may not always like her, but you will treat her with the respect and care befitting of a future spouse. 

How foolish he’d been this morning - flustered, angry at the arrangement - what awful coincidence he'd run into you snooping around the old study. He knows better than to treat you that way, even if he does not trust you.

Paul ignores the twist in his stomach as his father glances at him; The air is tense with their previous conversation - his parents are upset with him. But Paul knows he must amend his actions; It does not matter his apprehension. You will be his wife, and he your husband. He rolls his neck, feeling it pop as he waits.

Paul knows that whatever he is feeling, you're likely feeling a hundred times more.

So, for both your sakes, he will learn to live with you, and it will start tonight. It will start with the box to his right. 

You enter through the doors, your pace slow as you look around. Despite himself, Paul's cheeks heat up; You're wearing a simple dark dress, your figure snug with flowing sleeves - but the veil you wear this evening is significantly less thick than any you’ve warn yet.

You're still concealed behind the fabric that falls over your head, but your eyes are large behind it, meeting his for what feels like the first time.

With a chill, he realizes he can see your stare, the fullness of your lips, the upturn of your cheeks, the way you take in a quick breath; He's struck with your beauty and forces himself to nod and greet you.

There's that look to you - contained, schooled to be polite - but he knows better. You nod back tersely as your eyes glow against the dark green mesh and beads that fall over the crown of your head, and he's suddenly struck with the strange desire to see more of you. 

Instead, he forces himself to look down at the table. 

Dinner is less uncomfortable than he'd feared; you seem much more relaxed than he's ever seen you, though your voice is still quite calculated - even his mother is relaxed, asking about the wintering sport you'd mentioned learning in your youth. 

His heart hammers in his chest when the dishes begin to be cleared, knowing it is his time to present the first of several of your House's courting steps. He'd poured over them before going to train this afternoon; Perhaps this won't be the most traditional example of your culture's marriage customs, but most of your people are gone.

There's no use in fighting it, and he can only try his best to make you feel more comfortable. 

His parents excuse themselves, but with a jump of panic, he calls for you to stay, just for a moment. Paul waits silently as his parents wish you a good evening, sending him a stern look that sets his teeth on edge. When they are gone, you remain seated as if frozen, your eyes wary. Perhaps you expect him to berate you again. 

Gifting heirlooms is a sacred tradition, passed down through generations, where the betrothed proudly wear the sigil of their new house as a symbol of unity and commitment.

Paul's heart races nervously as he stands, straightening his dark tunic before approaching you, the small velvet box clutched tightly in his hand. With each step closer, your eyes sharpen with suspicion. You shift your hand through the skirt of your dress, as if searching for something- a weapon, maybe - but you have no chance to wield it as he rounds on you. 

He offers you the box with a slight tremor in his hand, small enough that you likely don't notice; Flipping it open, he tries to swallow his reluctance. This is his duty. You stare down at it, your demeanor guarded and unreadable.

Plush lips partially hidden behind a sheet of green part -for a moment, Paul wonders why you seem completely shell-shocked; he brushes aside the thought, attributing it to the formality of the gesture after his childish behavior earlier in the day. 

"My Lady," he begins, his voice steady but tinged with nervousness, "I hope you will accept this pendant as a token of my-" He clears his throat awkwardly, "Of our betrothal." He's incredibly thankful to be so well-versed on diplomacy; "I apologize for how I acted this morning. It was childish." His voice comes out strong, if not slightly quiet. 

You stare at the necklace, eyes taking in the green and gold sigil of Atreides; a hawk, small but ornamental. It was his great-great-grandmother's from her wedding day, cherished for many years. After his lesson this morning, he’d searched for something that seemed fit to uphold your family's tradition - the color would suit you well, too. 

He waits for your response, hoping against hope that you'll see the gesture for what it truly is: An attempt to bridge the gap between the two of you; Suggested by his parents, yes, but chosen and executed by himself. 

Your eyes harden, as if a decision has been made in your sharp mind. He tries not to sway on his feet when you move your hands towards the box. 

"Thank you." Your voice is much too cold. Your eyes hold none of the shine he'd seen previously, and it is with a pain in his stomach that he recognizes your sharp glance sideways. Your eyes are lethal, he decides - just as lethal as the rest of you is. 

You would not be as civil if it were just you and him, he is sure of it; His parents may be gone, but there are servants who watch on out the corner of their eyes as they clear dishes. 

He can't help but feel slightly dishonest, perhaps he should have waited until the two of you were truly alone.  

Your own hands shake as you reach under your veil, clasping the necklace around your neck slowly. He watches with a dry mouth, knowing better than to think your shaking is anything but resentment on your part. 

"It is a gorgeous collar." You utter.

Turning to stare up into his eyes, Paul's heart thuds.

"I shall wear it like a dog." 

The choice of words unsettles him completely, but you are out of the door before his lips find anything to say. 

.

follow @tremendumnotifs for updates.

.

[sirfrogsworth]

So, ever since my dad started using an oxygen machine, my brain has grown accustomed to the mechanical white noise it emanated. We ended up putting the machine in the same room where I slept. And then I got so used to falling asleep with that white noise, I could not sleep without it. I literally get terrible insomnia if I don't have the machine running. I tried other noise. I tried a recording of it. I tried a box fan. But nothing worked nearly as well as the oxygen machine.

After my dad died, the rental company took the machine away.

So I bought a used one on eBay. I cannot get it any other way because you need a prescription for a new or refurbished one.

Unfortunately, these things have a limited lifespan. And the one I bought is starting to show signs of death. And because sleep is pretty much the most important thing I can do for my health, I decided to buy a backup unit.

This listing was from a well-reviewed seller. It said the unit powered on and it even had a video of the item functioning properly—but only for 30 seconds or so.

As you can see above, it says under the "condition" section that the item description would list imperfections.

When I got the item, I plugged it in, and after 3 minutes a loud beep sounded. And the beep continued for 20 minutes and never turned off. Every time you turn it on, after 3 minutes, this alarm sounds. The manual indicates a red light with a continuous beep means there is a serious system malfunction.

This seems like a malfunction that should have been disclosed.

And yes, it is possible that the issue was exacerbated by FedEx dropping the box. But it is not possible for that to be the direct cause of this issue. This item had to have already been in rough shape for something like that to cause a malfunction.

And it is also possible the seller was not aware of the issue. Perhaps he never turned the unit on long enough for this alarm to sound. But that doesn't mean he is excused from selling a damaged item without being responsible for it. The item cannot arrive in a different condition than shown in the eBay listing.

(But also... he knew. I'm like 90% sure he knew. And I think the following will give you that impression as well.)

I wrote to the seller...

Apparently after 3 days I can appeal to eBay. So hopefully I can get this resolved one way or another. But this seller hanging onto this technicality is so frustrating.

If it were me, I'd want to make it right. I mean, if I accidentally sold a broken item I would feel awful and do everything I could to take care of the person I sold it too. And it just sucks that not everyone is that honorable.

But the fact that he worded it like this and is using this defense so adamantly really makes me feel like he knew this was an issue. But I don't think any reasonable person is going to be satisfied with this defense. He's like those debate bros that think if you catch someone in a debate fallacy they automatically lose the argument.

eBay's rules say you can't deliver a damaged item without fully disclosing the damage. It just sucks he's going to make me do this the hard way.

[soapyoapy]

thoughts on dnp's new video

hey y'all. no one asked for it but here's a review of dip and pip's outfits from their new video from a costume design student's perspective.

*disclaimer: this is all for fun and totally my opinion, everyone has a different style, i’m just working with what they’ve worn before and what they seem to like wearing*

Category 1: Y2Gay

Phil:

🤔 i don’t know how to feel about this one… it’s not horrendous but dare i say he didn’t go far enough. i’m an ARMY so i can see j-hope wearing this but perhaps the reason why is would work is because he’d add like a white bucket hat, some sunglasses, and some colorful jewelry to fully commit to the maximalist style. also phil doesn’t really suit the baggy style imo. correct me if im wrong.

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (add some accessories)

Dan:

honestly, i love the sweater. i saw it in the photocards and loved it. this is how dan should wear color tbh. my only critiques would be: a. what are the straps for??? and b. i wonder how it’d look with a dark colored tank top underneath it instead of a black one 🤷🤷

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Category 2: Americore

Dan:

umm…keep the jacket on. i’m sorry, the shirt is too much 😅😅 also i’m so confused by the pants. that’s it. maybe instead of that shirt have just like a nice white shirt. or maybe phil’s out of date gaming console shirt. the eagles are just a lot to look at. also ditch the crocs. again, sorry. a good black chonky sneaker would fit the look better.

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Phil:

i agree with phil that the blue shoes don’t really fit. but i have a solution. wear some white sneakers and the blue mesh top from the q&a video or just a matpat-style blue jacket. other than that, this outfit works. especially with the blonde hair.

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Category 3: Stranger Materials

Phil:

phil, please please please get that jacket fitted. it looks ever so slightly too big on him. hot take: the pants aren’t terrible. it’s just terrible with the jacket. the lines are not going in the same direction and it’s really distracting. i think they’d both have the effect he wanted just on their own. not together.

rating: ⭐️⭐️

Phil pt2:

i agree with dan. the pants are the issue. they aren’t the right shade of blue or the same pattern. major clash and if they were performing, it’d be very distracting.

rating: ⭐️

Dan:

ok. at least it matches 😝 considering he bought is from an ✨adults only website✨ not bad. would probably make too much noise to be an actual outfit he’d wear onstage with mics and all that but for fashion…kinda slays

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Category 4: Serving Shorts

Phil:

🫢 umm…ok so, how did he not know the shorts were see through?? perhaps it did show on the website but if it was from the same place as the vest and the vest was mesh then you’d assume the shorts were too?? idk anyways. its giving backup dancer construction worker if that makes sense. i’d say go all the way add some fingerless gloves and some design to the shirt and/or vest. go full jojo siwa with it. i do also love the color coordination.

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

Dan:

eh…that’s it. it’s not awful it’s not great. maybe it he coordinated the blue with the top. it just looks like a dude headed to the gym. i like the shoes. they do look like the cover of a 90s boy band album. nothing amazing. if the star was blue and silver i’d like it more

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Bonus Round:

Dan:

honestly…as a neurodivergent person, this is just a good item 🤣🤣 it looks so soft. not even from a designer perspective but a sensory perspective. i’d buy it. maybe in a different color but still. (also if it’s like an ✨adults website✨ thing plz let me know idk anything im aroace 😅)

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (for the goofs)

Phil:

question. where would you wear this other than a disco/party? this outfit looks really fun. the only thing i'd add to this would be some white boots or sneakers with rainbow laces.

rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (for the goofs)

thank you for reading the ramblings of a junior costume design student who is using this video as procrastination from doing their lighting design homework. I hope you all have a good rest of your day! ✌️✌️ go ahead and tell me if any of the things I said were wrong i don't know anything 😊😊

[mbta-unofficial]

So you want to fix ya City, do ya?

Local activism works better and faster than any other kind, because you don’t need to go as far to get results.

If you want to understand how to make change, here are some steps.

1. Pick a Lane

Your energy is finite. One issue that gets the lions share of it will make way more difference than a lot of blogging and not a lot else about everything. Whatever your lane is, try to pick it thoughtfully and stick with it. A local issue will be way more moveable than a remote one, but the internet can be used to raise money for anything so it doesn’t need to be next door.

You’re gonna worry about other stuff. That’s ok. Let someone else handle it.

2. Lay of the Land

You are not the first person to look at this problem. Organizations exist to take this on, and the knowledge they have is indispensable to your goals. Your first step should be to be to find them: you don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. If you have a local newspaper, read it. If you don’t, go to your city’s reddit page and see where they get their info.

All Cities have an MPO or Metropolitan Planning organization. These are non-profits (usually) who advise the government on a variety of issues. Sign up for their newsletter. Find out when their next meeting is. Go.

Your issue will probably have an activist council, such as the MBTA ROC for transit advocates. Sign up for their newsletter. Find out when their next meeting is. Go.

Your city will likely have public meetings on the subject you are interested in. Find out when they are. Go.

If these aren’t relevant to your issue, you can go find other sources of information but you should try to find

a) a place where you can be in a real room with real people, or at least a zoom room. Watching videos and posting doesn’t count. Twitch streams are borderline, more than 200 or so viewers is just noise.

b) A place with a variety of ages. Old folks know things. they’ve been around the block. Young people have fresh perspectives and lots of energy. A room with just one is unlikely to produce a good plan of action

c) A place with racial and gender diversity. Boys’ clubs are common in politics, as are white only conversations about politics. The city is for everyone, and if you don’t have a diverse movement you will inevitably cater to the interests of your most powerful ally instead of helping everyone.

If you can’t find a meeting that meets these criteria, see if you can change the meeting that exists before starting your own. Institutional weight is invaluable and starting from scratch is possible but a challenge.

When you are at these meetings, do not worry about not understanding technical language. Take notes (or don’t) and google later. You are there to see, and also to be seen, because if you consistently attend public meetings you will recognize the same people there, and they will recognize you. Ask questions if you are given the opportunity but remember that you don’t need to understand everything right away and you will learn more by listening than by guessing.

You are there to make friends and learn, because you can’t do it alone.

3. Planning an action

If you have an idea for something that would help your cause, write it down. Then find out if someone else has already done it. (They almost certainly have.)

Make a list of steps. Ask your new friends about the steps. Revise your list of steps based on that feedback. You should do this at least once, no first draft is perfect. Assess how feasible the steps are. Replace any step that is impossible with an possible alternative. Give yourself twice as much time, money, and help as you think you’ll need. Review your steps.

Start stepping.

Be prepared to throw the steps out, but know that if you do because you had to, you will still have the time, money, and support that you budgeted. If you have to throw the steps out, make new ones. Keep going.

4. Post-op

You did it! You made it to the end of your steps. Get your friends to assess your work for you, and weigh their answers seriously. The problem is probably not gone, but it should be better. More importantly, you have built a system of people capable of carrying out an action. You know more, you are better connected. Go back to step 2. There is always more to learn, and that’s beautiful.

[is-she-suffering]

QUEEN ADREENA VS DAVID CRONENBERG'S CRASH

In December 2002 Queenadreena provided a live soundtrack to David Cronenberg’s movie adaptation of J.G. Ballard's novel „Crash”.

The one-night-only event was hosted in the Institute of Contemporary Arts in London on December 13th. The band was joined by ex Daisy Chainsaw bassist Richard Adams.

The band couldn’t pick a more fitting movie – „Crash” is a movie based on a J.G. Ballard’s novel of the same name, considered by many to be quite controversial due of its disturbing subject. It tells the story of individuals taking sexual pleasure from watching and participating in car accidents.

Katie Jane Garside: "I like standing on a knife edge in order to force the envelope and get something interesting happen. It's no coincidence that we were chosen to do 'Crash', what with the voyeuristic nature of car accidents. We'll put a bomb under it and see what happens."

A song called "Roadkill" was debuted onstage that night, never to be played live again. The song tells a story of a young girl killed in a motorway accident. "Roadkill" hasn’t found its way to any of Queen Adreena’s albums, but a 4-track demo was later released on Katie Jane's solo album Lullabies in Glass Wilderness.

Unfortunately, there’s no audio or video of this show available. A short review taken from Kerrang! Magazine (the band got 4/5 rating):

Classic Cronenberg film gets new art-punk soundtrack. THE PAIRING of David Cronenberg's 1998 film 'Crash' and ex-Daisy Chainsaw led avant-garde noise conjurers Queen Adreena was never going to be easy on the eyes or ears. For those of you who haven't seen it, 'Crash' is a film about a group of deranged individuals who derive sexual pleasure from car crashes. And for those who haven't seen them, Queen Adreena are an art-rock band with an equally worrying deviant streak. As the credits roll and the band assume their positions in front of the screen, Crispin Gray picks the moody, sombre melody of 'Kitty Collar Tight' from his guitar as singer Katie Jane Garside starts to weave her magic across the stage. Garside's compelling stage presence and beautiful, ethereal vocal style perfectly offsets the unhinged sexual nature of the film. Placing their music within the context of the movie leaves the audience dazed and confused as the final credits roll. Tonight more so than ever, Queen Adreena truly assault our senses. More power to them.

Another review:

QUEEN ADREENA VS DAVID CRONENBERG'S CRASH

ICA, London - December 2002

No one is quite sure what to expect tonight. Will Queen Adreena play for the entire duration of Cronenberg's controversial movie (which lasts twice as long as their normal set) or just during the 'highlights'?

The night begins amusingly with thirty minutes of vintage black and white Road Safety public information films. These provided some laughs, as various members of the supposedly ignorant public nonchalantly strolled out in front of rapidly moving vehicles, before being berated by a fussy old narrator.

Onto the main event: the band amble onto the stage as the movie begins, and a new slow song spills out over the opening credits. And there's a new bassist too! The after-show rumour seemed to confirm that the man with the bass was none other than Richard Adams, their ex-Daisy Chainsaw band mate. It seems I had been watching three-quarters DC and didn't even know it!

Back to the movie: subtitles are kept on throughout; the soundtrack is on, but only audible when the band stop playing. Some songs are slightly extended to keep the pacing accurate. The superb Pretty Like Drugs comes early on; one more song then the music ends so we can watch a dialogue scene. This sets the pattern for the night: we get a string of three or four songs over the driving and screwing, and then the music pauses for dialogue scenes. Curiously, we are allowed to view James Spader humping Rosanna Arquette's leg-wound in all it's original glory. The second batch of songs climaxes with the James Dean car-crash recreation, which means that the onscreen audience are clapping at the same time as we are.

So, does the noisy music work well with Cronenberg's copulation and carnage? Well, to be honest, standing right in front of the band, I keep tending to forget that a film is even playing. But when I do glance at it, I am reminded that „Crash” has far more nudity than I remembered. Shit, I hope Tesco's develop my snapshots with no problems.

Queen Adreena never give a bad show, and this is no exception. Very interesting to see them in a non-moshing environment too. And after that it's time to return home to the Heathrow area, where J. G. Ballard set the 180 original „Crash” novel. All this on the day Barry Norman, with thirty years of movie reviewing experience, said live on TV that Cronenberg's „Shivers” is "the worst movie of all time" (whatta tosser - Ed). God knows what he would have made of tonight's extraordinary event at the ICA... JASON PYKE

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

Spotify Tracklist below the cut due to length.

0.002 • Nobody Makes Money Anymore • Stephen Chicken • How Many Friends Have You Bought In Your Unsigned Band • 2 be or not to be • I'm In With The Soundcloud • 2 noble kinsmen • Johnny Ramone Joins The Beatles • Mojo Mojo Why Don't You Go And Review This Album Instead Of Another REM Blowjo • Noel Gallagher Is Jealous Of My Studio • My Royalty Statement • YouTube Are Fleecing You • I Wanna Be The New Ed Sheeran • Happy (Un) • Drop That Bridge Like Taylor Swift • The Great Sync Deal In The Sky • Liam Gallagher Is Jealous Of My Clever Turn Of Phrase • Dappy Versus Zombies vs The Pocket Gods • NME NME You're History • Nobody Makes Any Money Anymore • Adele • EMI • Synch • Steve Blacknell's Near Fatal Asthma Attack • Best Of Joe Rogan • Rock N Roll • Modern Music Is Boring Me • Mariah The Pariah • All About The Bass & Not Being Paid A Fair Amount • Neil • We Love Gideon Coe • 0.007 • the bbc will introduce you as long as you're under 25 • this is the end of the music business • Nowhere Left To Play • The Orchard Versus Sony • 6 Music Is The New Radio 1 • youtube are fleecing you outro • we don't need another nero • tory wet dream • Stars On MP3 • Racist Seaside Town They Forgot To Close Down • Starbuckers • Corporation Lax • Grotify • Brexiteers of The World Unite (ironically) • Penny Arcade Jukebox Scam • The Weak Spine Of Mr Cameron • Exit Brexit For Xmas • I Hate Hipsters • Ballad Of The Lonely Fruit Picker • Absent Smelly Stick Your Pay To Play Up Your Bottom • Shazam Kazam It's All A Mystery To Me • Peter Doherty's Quest For A Mythical Albion • Deezer Geezer • Brown Nose Brexit • A&R Pervert Man • Steve Jobs • Why Did I Write This Album With 1000 Songs On Now I have No Social Life • Shoddy Waddy • Best Of Boris Johnson • Pusher • Disinformate the Disinformators • Radio 2 Is Cool • It's The Brits • Lawyer V Liar • blah blah the music industry ceo goes • Folsom Prison Jism • The Forumla To Work Out My Royalties Is More Complicated Than The Superstring Theory Of Everything • Country Chaos • 45 Rip • John Peel's On The Phone • Another Generic Pop Song • Cesspool Karaoke • Bait Oven • Lucy Fux Cowell • Precious Electro Pop Indie Band Change The World • Minceyments • Zx Spectrum Soundtrack • Why Did I Write This Album With 1000 Songs On Now I have No Wife • Alan Mghee and the Pink Raincoat • The Monkees Gave Good Head • Michael Jackson Vs The illumati • The Sound Of The Future AI Bot • Mac Book Ho • Shabby Road • I.will.Iam Shakespeare • Feed Me Seymour • Auto Tune Loon • Reality TV Killed The Video Star • Madame Jo Jo's • Modern Music Is Boring Me • Small Town Musos • Medusa • Pledge • Ex Tractor • Jarvis Said Send Me Your Christmas Album • I'm A D List St Albans' Musician Get ME Out Of Here • Santasucker • Who Knows Who The F*ck Is Number 1? • Joe Meek • Pay To Play • Dodgy London Promoter • He's A Local Music Star • You Can't Shoplift MP3s • 2nd Biggest Band In The Village • Tedious day Job Rescue me me universe • The End Of The Mean Times )LOA) • The End Of The Pocket Gods? • Odd one out (just for the cd remember them?) • Premier • 2016 • 2379 • A Fool On The chill • Ac • Ag • Living On Top Of A Porno Cinema • ahura mazda • Al • White Noise Christmas • Albany • Alexi (not Sanchez) Put The Grunge Into Soccer! • all in all it's just another prick in the wall • All Things Must Pass • all you need is love and money • Always Look On The Norman Whiteside Of Life • Am • And Your Bird Can Sing • ANOTHER BLING FOOTBALLER • Another Blue Plaque • Another clown on the ground rolling around • APOCRYPHA • A&R Talking • Watch Out Lockdown is Coming • As • When BJ Apologies All I Hear Is This • Au • AVATAR • Sue's Redacted Report • Silence (sound of lockdown) with Tinnitus • ballad of blackfriars tavern • ballad of the lonely people again • Banksies dodgy beer • Bard For Life • Bard Rock Cafe • Bardify • Be • Beatles Wives Can't Sing • Beatles On A Tinny Tannoy (Ode to Shay) • Beatles On Spotify • BEST player not have played at a World Cup

Best Tattoo • better part of valour • Better Than The Stones • Beware The IDS of March • Bi • Big Willie Style • Bigger Than Jesus…but Jesus Never Toured (the US) • Bight the Apple That Feeds • billy fury • Billy Preston (was the 5th beatle) • Spent Too Long Watching Get Back • Blind Hope • blisters on my fingers • Bond Girl • Bono Is Bigger Than The Beatles • Br • dead tod • bring me the head of francis bacon • Bud Miser • Had Enougth Of Politics • C • Ca • Cardenio • Cathrine • What Party? • I wasn't there honest guv • Deffo A Work Event • Christ as Stoichkov • christmas in cricklewood • chuck berry we stole his riffs • Church Of Merch • Nothing to See here • Cm • Co • CONTE VERDE • Cornwall • Cr • Crap World Cup Mascot • Cs • cu night twelfth • Cu • Cygnus • Cynthia v Yoko • David Bowie v Shakespeare • day 1 of lockdown oh my god • day 2 of lockdown be good to get our • day 3 of lockdown wtf? • day 4 of lockdown jim jams • day 5 of lockdown call docs • day 6 of lockdown bed head • day 7 of lockdown not getting out of bed • day 8 of lockdown st albans' wine & cheese extravaganza • day 9 of lockdown grateful we don't live in a flat in london • day 10 of lockdown another day • day 11 of lockdown locked out of the playground • day 12 of lockdown thank god for nomansland • day 13 of lockdown project fear being ramped up • day 14 of lockdown 3 word phrases • day 15 of lockdown take away take away • day 16 of lockdown blah • day 17 of lockdown it's like picadilly circus outside my house • day 18 of lockdown slobs days • day 19 of lockdown knock more tracks off • day 20 of lockdown still waiting for my EMDR treatment god what is going on? • day 21 of lockdown phoned the mental health emergency helpline and got cut off after an hour on hold it's pretty desperate • day 22 of lockdown need my freedom need to escape need to get out can't stand being trapped inside (childhood memories) • day 23 of lockdown at least I don't drink anymore though quite tempted to start again • day 24 of lockdown I'm certain that when we look back after the pandemic has finished we will see that lockdowns caused more harm than good • day 25 of lockdown driving to the next village will we get arrested? • day 26 of lockdown another day another walk so glad we live in the country • day 27 of lockdown working at home zoom freak out • day 28 of lockdown not much to say today • day 29 of lockdown got another idea for a world record • day 30 of lockdown is this the right person to be leading us and what is it all really about, still no word on EMDR • day 32 of lockdown not sure what day it is • day 33 of lockdown just keep going and still waiting for Psychiatrist to call • day 34 of lockdown spring is here shall I have an alcohol free beer? • day 35 of lockdown so many 3 word phrases quite frightening • day 36 of lockdown life is now all online what a drag • day 37 of lockdown right said fred are speaking out against lockdown what does it mean • day 38 of lockdown is more tedious than this album • day 39 of lockdown cheese and toast is the new rock n roll • day 40 of lockdown one day hats will be eaten • day 41 of lockdown survived the wicker man • day 42 of lockdown long way to go when will it end • day 43 of lockdown life is an online barbie fashion show • day 44 of lockdown run run run fat boy • day 45 of lockdown May 6th 2020 • day 46 of lockdown I bet they're having parties in Downing Street • day 47 of lockdown there's a reason why this is played in morse code • day 48 of lockdown this is morse code for why don't Spotify and Apple pay us more money • day 49 of lockdown If I Can Get Through Lockdown and finish this album of 1000 tracks then that would mean something • day 50 of lockdown May 11th 2020 • day 51 of lockdown bet there's been another party in Downing Street • day 52 of lockdown anyone still listening? • day 53 of lockdown we're all in this together? • day 54 of lockdown I can't wear a mask it triggers my PTSD what am i to do?

day 55 of lockdown cross it off my bedroom wall and the walrus was paul • day 56 of lockdown gonna have to go off sick can't cope with lockdown and having no treatment • day 57 of lockdown gp signed me off still no sign of EMDR oh well let's go for a walk • day 58 of lockdown no comment today • day 59 of lockdown we are putting our trust in a corrupt government let's all focus on making our own world a better place • day 60 of lockdown hospitality hospitality they've all got it in for hospitality • day 61 of lockdown The Rose And Crown • day 62 of lockdown longing to be back in Kessingland • day 63 of lockdown toast toast toast • day 64 of lockdown taking up metal detecting shame it's illegal in lockdown • day 65 of lockdown does Ed Sheeran fancy a track on this album? • day 66 of lockdown yeah that kind of sucks • day 67 of lockdown Our cat Minty has Pohms and he likes you to smell dem • day 68 of lockdown this album is like a musical filibuster • day 69 of lockdown i used to be a socialist now i just prefer colouring in • day 70 of lockdown ah might be starting my EMDR soon online of course would be nice to do it in person but there you go • day 71 of lockdown spell dem • day 72 of lockdown that's me in the corner • day 73 of lockdown smile and be happy • day 74 of lockdown amazon and on • day 75 of lockdown boot noot • day 76 of lockdown can i just sit it out this great reset thing • day 77 of lockdown june 7th • day 78 of lockdown june 8th 2020 • day 79 of lockdown june 9th 2020 • day 80 of lockdown june 10th 2020. • day 81 of lockdown june 11th 2020 • day 82 of lockdown june 12th 2020 • day 83 of lockdown june 13th 2020 • day 84 of lockdown june 14th 2020 • day 85 of lockdown june 15th 2020 • day 86 of lockdown june 16th 2020 • day 87 of lockdown june 17th 2020 • day 88 of lockdown june 18th 2020 • day 89 of lockdown june 19th 2020 • day 90 of lockdown june 20th 2020 is there another party? • day 91 of lockdown june 21st 2020 i quit! • day 92 of lockdown june 22nd 2020 • day 93 of lockdown june 23rd 2020 • day 94 of lockdown june 24th 2020 i'm 50 should have been playing the 100 club but i'm having fun in the garden pook with the family • day 95 of lockdown june 25th 2020 • day 96 of lockdown june 26th 2020 • day 97 of lockdown june 27th 2020 • day 98 of lockdown june 28th 2020 • day 99 of lockdown june 29th 2020 • day 100 of lockdown june 30th 2020 • day 101 of lockdown july 1st 2020 12 weeks my arse • day 102 of lockdown july 2nd 2020 summer mask implosion • day 103 of lockdown july 3rd 2020 • day 104 of lockdown july 4th 2020 independence day ha! • day 105 of lockdown july 5th 2020 • day 106 of lockdown july 6th 2020 ooh i need your maths babe • day 107 of lockdown july 7th 2020 • day 108 of lockdown july 8th 2020 the cues watch the queues • day 109 of lockdown july 9th 2020 • day 110 of lockdown july 10th 2020 • day 111 of lockdown july 11th 2020 pants • day 112 of lockdown july 12th 2020 • day 113 of lockdown july 13th 2020 only 1/3 way through yikes • day 114 of lockdown july 14th 2020 • day 115 of lockdown july 15th 2020 • day 116 of lockdown july 16th 2020 • day 117 of lockdown july 17th 2020 • day 118 of lockdown july 18th 2020 • day 119 of lockdown july 19th 2020 • day 120 of lockdown july 20th 2020 • day 121 of lockdown july 21st 2020 • day 122 of lockdown july 22nd 2020 • day 123 of lockdown july 23rd 2020 • day 124 of lockdown july 24th 2020 • day 125 of lockdown july 25th 2020 • day 126 of lockdown july 26th 2020.wav • day 127 of lockdown july 27th 2020 • day 128 of lockdown july 28th 2020 • day 129 of lockdown july 29th 2020 • day 130 of lockdown july 30th 2020 • day 131 of lockdown july 31st 2020 • day 132 of lockdown August 1st 2020 • day 133 of lockdown August 2nd 2020 • day 134 of lockdown August 3rd 2020 • day 135 of lockdown August 4th 2020.wav • day 136 of lockdown August 5th 2020 • day 137 of lockdown August 6th 2020 • day 138 of lockdown August 7th 2020 • day 139 of lockdown August 8th 2020

day 140 of lockdown August 9th 2020 • day 141 of lockdown August 10th 2020 • day 142 of lockdown August 11th 2020 • day 143 of lockdown August 12th 2020 • day 144 of lockdown August 13th 2020 • day 145 of lockdown August 14th 2020 • day 146 of lockdown August 15th 2020 • day 147 of lockdown August 16th 2020 time for a pizza party • day 148 of lockdown August 17th 2020 • day 149 of lockdown August 18th 2020.wav • day 150 of lockdown August 19th 2020 ya ya • day 151 of lockdown August 20th 2020 • day 152 of lockdown August 21st 2020 • day 153 of lockdown August 22nd 2020 pass me the port • day 154 of lockdown August 23rd 2020 • day 155 of lockdown August 24th 2020 • day 156 of lockdown August 25th 2020 • day 157 of lockdown August 26th 2020 • day 158 of lockdown August 27th 2020 • day 159 of lockdown August 28th 2020 • day 160 of lockdown August 29th 2020 • day 161 of lockdown August 30th 2020 • day 162 of lockdown August 31st 2020 • day 163 of lockdown September 1st 2020 • day 164 of lockdown September 2nd 2020 • day 165 of lockdown September 3rd 2020 • day 166 of lockdown September 4th 2020 • day 167 of lockdown September 5th 2020 • day 168 of lockdown September 6th 2020 • day 169 of lockdown September 7th 2020 • day 170 of lockdown September 8th 2020 • day 171 of lockdown September 9th 2020 • day 172 of lockdown September 10th 2020 • day 173 of lockdown September 11th 2020 • day 174 of lockdown September 12th 2020 • day 175 of lockdown September 13th 2020 • day 176 of lockdown September 14th 2020 • day 177 of lockdown September 15th 2020 • day 178 of lockdown September 16th 2020 • day 179 of lockdown September 17th 2020 • day 180 of lockdown September 18th 2020 • day 181 of lockdown September 19th 2020 • day 182 of lockdown September 20th 2020 • day 183 of lockdown September 21st 2020 • salami danger man • napoleon hill • joey ramone • john altman was in star wars • the trumpton diets • bono was quite good in that kids film • dave spud is the new rock and roll • bj is trump lite or NWO • blaze tv • Howard Hughes And The Unexplained • the mighty terriers (god loves) • hogan v rogan • i'd cancel myself but no-one would notice • i always preferred bonehead • holiday inn syncs • day job knobhead • qi • If I Get Back On H&J I Will Buy Them Cake • NFT NFT they've all got an NFT • Ricky Gervais Is My Hero • This Album Is Sponsored By….. • Let's Dance Is The Best Bowie Album • Can't Get A GIG in our own town (st Albans) • we don't talk about bruno (fernandes) not scoring anymore • Frank • one day I will duet with dua lipa • help me rhondda witht he LOA • private eye knows the truth about prince andrew • you can advertise here • the science of getting rich is just get people to buy your books • putin never misses a trick • i'm visualising going on the one show to talk about this album • graham norton guest yes that would be fine • i feel real change coming and people will start to value music more imagine life without it • imagine if that $100 million that rogan was paid was instead invested in new music just imagine • since napster and the wild west days of the internet people expect to get it for free - musicians, songwriters and artists all deseve to be paid a fair amount • all we are asking for is a level playing field and transparency • the music industry is eveloving record companies must embrace change and respect the music creators • we all need to come toegther • da doo ron ron aldo • middle of the road all musicians are walking down at the moment expand your minds • the masked singer • should i change my name to elvis • my god the hollies were crap • clement stone • is instagram just for shallow people • the mind can achieve whatever it can conceive • 52 and still wearing my old band t shirts is that ok Mr Robert Crampton? • looking foward to playing this song on Jool Holland • rolling stone are going to do a feature on this album • frank skinner go on give this track a play it's only 30 seconds long and it's for a good cause

attitude of gratitude • are the DSPs having a competition to see who can get away with paying the least amount of royalties • day 237 of lockdown November 14th 2020 • day 238 of lockdown November 15th 2020 • day 239 of lockdown November 16th 2020 • day 240 of lockdown November 17th 2020 • day 241 of lockdown November 18th 2020 • day 242 of lockdown November 19th 2020 • day 243 of lockdown November 20th 2020 • day 244 of lockdown November 21st 2020 • day 245 of lockdown November 22nd 2020 • day 246 of lockdown November 23rd 2020 • day 247 of lockdown November 24th 2020.wav • day 248 of lockdown November 25th 2020 • day 249 of lockdown November 26th 2020 • day 250 of lockdown November 27th 2020 • day 251 of lockdown November 28th 2020 • day 252 of lockdown November 29th 2020 • day 253 of lockdown November 30th 2020 • day 254 of lockdown December 1st 2020 • day 255 of lockdown December 2nd 2020 • day 256 of lockdown December 3rd 2020 • day 257 of lockdown December 4th 2020 • day 258 of lockdown December 5th 2020 • day 259 of lockdown December 6th 2020 • day 260 of lockdown December 7th 2020 • day 261 of lockdown December 8th 2020 • day 262 of lockdown December 9th 2020 • day 263 of lockdown December 10th 2020 • day 264 of lockdown December 11th 2020 • day 265 of lockdown December 12th 2020 • day 266 of lockdown December 13th 2020 • day 267 of lockdown December 14th 2020 • day 268 of lockdown December 15th 2020 • day 269 of lockdown December 16th 2020 • day 270 of lockdown December 17th 2020 • day 271 of lockdown December 18th 2020 • day 272 of lockdown December 19th 2020 • day 273 of lockdown December 20th 2020 • day 274 of lockdown December 21st 2020 • day 275 of lockdown December 22nd 2020 • day 276 of lockdown December 23rd 2020 • day 277 of lockdown December 24th 2020 xmas is cancelled well probably not for BJ and crew • day 278 of lockdown December 25th 2020 • day 279 of lockdown December 26th 2020 • day 280 of lockdown December 27th 2020 • day 281 of lockdown December 28th 2020 • day 282 of lockdown December 29th 2020 • day 283 of lockdown December 30th 2020 • day 284 of lockdown December 31st 2020 • day 285 of lockdown January 1st 2021 • day 286 of lockdown January 2nd 2021 • day 287 of lockdown January 3rd 2021 • day 288 of lockdown January 4th 2021 • day 289 of lockdown January 5th 2021 • day 290 of lockdown January 6th 2021 • day 291 of lockdown January 7th 2021 • day 292 of lockdown January 8th 2021 • day 293 of lockdown January 9th 2021 • day 294 of lockdown January 10th 2021 • day 295 of lockdown January 11th 2021 • day 296 of lockdown January 12th 2021 • zero hours hero • i'm going to sell this album for $48 million • day 299 of lockdown January 15th 2021. • penistone • heaven • fleximusicarian • uri made me do it • ey up it's the hispanic atmosphere of huddersfield town centre • holiday chalet • pleasure beach • i am banksy • no i am banksy • day 309 of lockdown January 25th 2021 • i think there's more than 1 banksy • bad mj style • encanto v frozen • i got invited to join the priory of sion once • beanie boo • gary neville and his moral high ground • paris st germain • day 317 of lockdown February 2nd 202 • day 318 of lockdown February 3rd 2021 • day 319 of lockdown February 4th 2021.wav • davos • what shall we do with the drunken norman mailer • ernie • yvette fielding • total dramrama • wooj • sandi on qi • st albans' people • stream queen • david wagner • my tps reports are wrong again • ctr alt del • ai bot but • Jay Z • LMFAO • Omari West • shawn carter • chicken soup for my rock n roll soul • i thought i was the best rapper in the world • day 339 of lockdown February 24th 2021 • vision it first • thoughts become things • vegasversary • let's gor crazy beep beep • loa part 2 • mystery pohms • coked up interns in the bog • nme • protest too much • another miracle • galaxy quest • chris warburton is a decent chap • under the surface • IT man Noel • badminton iggy pop style • day 355 of lockdown March 12th 2021

day 356 of lockdown March 13th 2021.wav • just chopsing • caiman show • thank you to all our fans • karma • day 361 of lockdown March 18th 2021 • day 362 of lockdown March 19th 2021 • day 363 of lockdown March 20th 2021 • day 364 of lockdown March 21st 2021 • my god get back is longer than this album • day 366 of lockdown March 23rd 2021 • day 367 of lockdown March 24th 2021 • the family madrigal • day 369 of lockdown March 26th 2021 • day 370 of lockdown March 27th 2021 • day 371 of lockdown March 28th 2021 • day 372 of lockdown March 29th 2021 • day 373 of lockdown March 30th 2021 • day 374 of lockdown March 31st 2021 • day 375 of lockdown April 1st 2021 • day 376 of lockdown April 2nd 2021 • day 377 of lockdown April 3rd 2021 • day 378 of lockdown April 4th 2021 • day 379 of lockdown April 5th 2021 • day 380 of lockdown April 6th 2021 • day 381 of lockdown April 7th 2021 • day 382 of lockdown April 8th 2021 • day 383 of lockdown April 9th 2021 • day 384 of lockdown April 10th 2021 • day 385 of lockdown April 11th 2021 • day 386 of lockdown April 12th 2021 • we love haulix • We love hotpress! • Rodney Of The Rock • Daniel Ek The Visionary • day 391 of lockdown April 17th 2021 • one falls they all fall • day 393 of lockdown April 19th 2021 • Lazar 111 • day 395 of lockdown April 21st 2021 • guess that official spotify playlist isn't going to happen now • day 397 of lockdown April 23rd 2021 • day 398 of lockdown April 24th 2021 • day 399 of lockdown April 25th 2021.wav • day 400 of lockdown April 26th 2021 • day 401 of lockdown April 27th 2021 • day 402 of lockdown April 28th 2021 • day 403 of lockdown April 29th 2021 • day 404 of lockdown April 30th 2021 • day 405 of lockdown May 1st 2021 • day 406 of lockdown May 2nd 2021 • day 407 of lockdown May 3rd 2021 • day 408 of lockdown May 4th 2021 • time walker • are we there yet • day 411 of lockdown May 7th 2021.wav • day 412 of lockdown May 8th 2021 • day 413 of lockdown May 9th 2021 • day 414 of lockdown May 10th 2021 • day 415 of lockdown May 11th 2021 • day 416 of lockdown May 12th 2021 • peace piece • talk about the nice time • define • froota • going viral • theses • munching carrots • new gwr • the beatles used the law of attraction • new machine • tct • more plinky guff • anyone bored yet? • fatman jogging (me) • urgent letter • mike errico thank you • day 433 of lockdown May 29th 2021 • columbo • bbq • bar mexe • may your dreams come • rolling atone baby baby • arts and dafts • afters • v is for • misquote • day 443 of lockdown June 8th 2021.wav • hungary • french fries • yo t l • level 42 met mark king in a pub • dinosaur • dance youself dizzy • no score • gritter splitta • jools • bombs • penalty • spurs • day 456 of lockdown June 21st 2021 • db • dear losers • Dear Losers still on repeat sorry • demons • dg • Dino Zoff • Dreaming Of THat Perfect Goal • Drowsy • DUA LIPA • Dull & Bottom • Dy • el mundo gira • elegy • Er • Es • Eu • noel ed • EVERY CRAP INDIE BAND SHOULD RECORD AT LEAST ONE FOOTY SONG • Every Nation Has It's Golden Generation • Exit (pursued by a bear) • F • Facist Football Hater • Faerie Queen • farewell part 1 • farewell part 2 • Farewell parts 1 and 2 • FAST RED MAN • Fe • feedback at the start of i feel fine • FIFA Sutherland • Food of Love • Fr • Franz • french got the funk on • from russia with hetero love • FUELLED UP ON ENERGY DRINKS • Full Fathom 5 Live • Full Time • Ga • Gaberdines And Pantaloons • Garincha Stryder • Gary Lineker • Gazza'a tears • Gd • Ge • george harrison didn't write his 2 biggest hits • gethsamane • give ringo another crap country song • glass onion • glitter on my carpet • GROTESQUE • H • Half Time • Hamlet • Happy Camper • Happy Dagger • have love will louis louis • He • He's A Sticker Licker • Heart's Content • HELL MONEY • helter skelter pissed in the bus shelter • Henry IV part 3 • Henry V's Doorbell • Her Majesty Was The First 30 second song • here come's the sun • HERRENVOLK • Hey Ho Nonny Nonny • Hf • Hg • High Time

Ho • Holographic Beatles On Tour • home • Homeward Bound • Hungary 10 El Salvador 1 • I don't give a flying folio malvolio • I Feel Fine • I got 3 years solitary for bringing my own beer • I ME ME RONALDO! • I ONCE AUDITIONED FOR A BAND CALLED MEXICO 70 • i wanna hold your hand but I'll ask you first • I wanna Hold Your Hand While YOu Sign My A Cheque For a million pound • I Wish The World Cup Was In Brazil Again says lonely sports reporter • I WROTE AND RECORDED 100 SONGS ABOUT THE WORLD CUP IN 2 DAYS, CAN'T YOU TELL • i.am will.i.am shakespeare. • I • I'm a Pal a Salah • I'm Going TO Make you A VAR • I'm Leaving On an standard class Aer Lingus. • I'M SUPPORTING PUSSY RIOT • I'm The Only Person Who Wants Iceland To Get Knocked Out Early.wav • If Prince had written a World Cup song it wouldn't sound like this • If Shakespeare Was Alive Today He'd Be Writing For Youtube • if the beatles were an 80s band • If this album doesn't get me an interview on Hawksbee & Jacobs I'm Going to stop listening to Talksport • If you Listen To The beatles backwards it says thyhtnkks • If You Play THis Song Backwards It Will Sound Crap. • Inv • INTER STELLAR CUP. • introducing the beatles • Ir • It gets a bit messy when you try to rhyme with Messi. • It is music with her silver sound • it's juck a fucking xebra crossing • It's Not even a realy country anyway • Jeremy Corbyn As Julius Ceasar • john lennon v the fbi • joey ramone joins the beatles • jose chungs from outer space. • Josimar comeback • Jules Rimming. • Julian Lennon PLayed THis Piano Once. • JUMPERS FOR GOAL POSTS. • Just Don't Let Spain Win Again • K • KADDISH. • KGB V FBI WORLD WAR 3 COMING SOON • King James 46 • King John's Rant • Kingdom For A Stage. • Kr • La • Lark • Larry O • leonard betts. • Let Music Sound • Letchkov not Letcho • Li. • live and let die is the best bond theme. • Living On Top Of A Porno Cinema • Love Is Blind. • Lr • Lu. • magic alex • man from the motor trade. • Manna • Marying A Punk. • MAX. • mcartney's ego trip part 2 • McCartney's Ego Trip • MEMENTO MORI • Mg • Mn. • Mo • MOOY JOY • Motley Coat • mr kite • Mr Trump • Much Ado • musings of a csm • N • Na • Nb • Nd • Ne. • nems • NEVER AGAIN. • Ni. • NO SCORE…NO DRAW. • none more white. • Not Many Beatles Songs Start in A Minor Key • Not Many Foootball Players Like Punk! • Np. • Oberon Kenobi. • On Shakespeare's Grave • on the field where i died • Ophelia • Os. • Oyster. • P. • Pa • paper hearts • Patti • paul's first acid trip • Pb • Pd. • PELE • Pet Sounds • Pete Best • Pick (ford) Of The Pops - Numba 1 • pickles the dog • PIPER • Play On. • Playing For Penalties. • Pm • Po • Pr • Pt • Putin hot • Pursued By A Bear • Pusher • QUAGMIRE • Hall Of fame • Quickly • ra ra poohtin • Ra • Rain • Ray Wilson • Rb. • Re • Redux 1. • Redux 2. • Revolution number 9 was way ahed of its time • rf. • Rh • Ringo's Replacement • Ripping Off The Beach Boys • Rn • Rocky Racoon as a Trump Type tycoon • Rome • Romeo & Juliet • ronnie scott • Ru • rubber soul was the greatest • Russian Bear • S • sanguinarium • Sb • Sc. • scrambled eggs. • scurvy politician • Se. • sergeant pepper seeks lady madonna to form lonely hearts club band • Second Best Bed (In Da House) • Shake It Off • All Over? • Shakespeare In Time • Shakespeare The Commuter • Shakespeare v Aliens. • Shakespeare v Spotify • Shaking Speare Stevens • Shaquiri V Shakira • She's A Woman • shitter's full. • Si • silent night • Slave Labour Stadiums • Sm • Sm1 • SMALLPOTATOES • Sn. • Sonic Youth Play The Beatles • world cup widows • Sounds Of Music • Spot the player on Coke • Sr • Stadium Inferno • Stage Craft Beer. • Star Of England • Stop Calling It The White Album - It's The Beatles! • Suicide In Shakespeare. • corned beef curry (not my idea) • Larry O • SYNCHRONY • SZYGY 4 • Ta • TALITHA • TAX CHEATS • tb or not tb • Tb • Tc. • when does art become pretension? • Teliko • TEMPUS FUGIT • TERMA • TEsos dos bichos 2 • the very best of Boris Johnson

The Ballad Of The Poisened Referee • The Beatles Gave Us Backwards Guitar • The Beatles Meet Elvis and Play Bass. • The Beatles Meet The Queen • THE BEST ONE YET • The Blue Samurai • the catcher in the rye. • The Charnocks. • The Curse Of WS • The Day I Met George Martin • the death of good duke humphrey • the doors took more drugs than the beatles • The First Twitter World Cup • The Globe • the hamburg days • The Life Of Brian • the long and winding road to get this album finished • The Maradona OF The Carpathians • The Middle Class Wives Of Windsor • The Miracle Of Bern • the missing chord • The Old Boys Of Panama • the people that don't get the beatles. • The Ringo Button • The Seven Moons • the trembling wilburrys • the usual suspects • The Water Carrier • THe White Album • There are 3 Gary Stevens But Only one of them caught a glimpse of Maradonna flying by • japan • this is a northern song • when does sound become music • Time Doth Waste Me • soundaries • white noise symphony • to die to sleep no more. • Tomorrow Never Knows Is The First Techno Track. • Tongue In Your Tail. • TOO MANY WHITE LINES • Tosspots. • Trident Studio Jam • Trump Town • TUNGUSKA • Turn Turn Turn in a Cruyf Style • U • unbeaten keepers • UNREQUITED • UNRUHE • V is for Vacumn • W • Was it Bobby or Roger Moore that was the towel thief. • WE ALL HATE WHEN ITV HAS THE MATCHES • We All Know Sexie Sadie Was About The Maharishi.wav • We All Live In A Yellow Submarine • We All Love Football Guff. • WETWIRED • WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO HALF TIME ORANGES • whatever happened to 442 • When i'm Pissed I'll Shout • When Shall We 3 Meet Again • when we were fab. • While THey Play The Bombs Keep Dropping • why were wings so • will anyone get close to Klose • Willow Willow Willow • World Cup Snacks • WORLD CUP WIDOWS • World Cup Winners Aftershow Party • World Cup Winners Hangover • World In Motion Was So Over Rated • World Of Leather • Xe • summer jesus • Y • Yb • you can't burn streams • zero sum • didn't think I would make it to 1000 • ok thanks to all involved and peace and love • 3000 streams just for a pint • time to go it's chicken time

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Amy Rigby

Photo by Bert Eke

The singer-songwriter Amy Rigby got her start in the late 1980s and early 1990s in spry, New York-based country throwback groups Last Roundup and The Shams. Starting with 1996’s Diary of a Mod Housewife, Rigby has steadily released solo work that can break your heart with the contagious ache in her dry, distinctive voice or make you laugh out loud at the concussive put-downs she doles out. Rigby has a particular knack for turning the quotidian mythic and reminding us that the mythologized are ultimately just some guys. The music has remained rooted in country, but not confined by it. Hers is a guitar-forward style that can incorporate the bright highs of acoustic pop rock, crunchy roadhouse grooves, R&B, and even jazz. Alex Johnson, in his review of Rigby’s most recent release, Hang In There With Me, called the album “tough, witty rock and roll…[that] catalogs a lifetime of drags, uncertainties and disasters, but returns, again and again, to the people, moments and experiences that make it worthwhile, or bearable enough.”

Here are some things that Rigby has been listening to lately.

Warmduscher — “Eight Minute Machines”

Discovered via an online review of their Brooklyn show last year, one that made me want so badly to be sweating in a crowd with this band onstage.

Amelia White — “Get To The Show”

One of my Nashville pals and I love this track from her latest album. Amelia is always out working and rocking, written with the great Gwil Owen… Sometimes I really do miss Nashville!

Daniel Romano — “Impossible Green”

You know when you discover an artist and think wow, this kid’ll go far, then realize they’ve been at it for years, made tons of records, play all the instruments, write, sing and tour their ass off? That’s how it is for me with Daniel Romano. This track comes from his 2017 album Modern Pressure.

Gina Birch — I Play My Bass Loud

Gina’s debut solo album came out just a year ago — I’ve been a fan since hearing the Raincoats in the late 1970s and getting to see them live when they came to NYC back then. She’s one of my heroines for being an artist and uniquely herself in whatever it is she does — music, video, painting. The bass and her opening line: “Sometimes I wake up, and I wonder — what is my job?” Pure Gina/genius!

Wreckless Eric — Inside The Majestic

He’s my husband and labelmate so what the hell — this is from his most recent album Leisureland. People know Eric for his voice and lyrics and guitar, but this is an instrumental track that’s just glorious. I want to see the movie it soundtracks, or at very least a choreographed dance routine with Eric at the piano in a tuxedo.

Michele Stodardt — “These Bones”

A big attraction for me with the Magic Numbers was Michele Stodart’s bass playing and cool vocal contributions, love hearing and seeing her do her solo thing.

Meshell Ndgeocello — The Omnichord Real Book

For the last dozen years, I was bartending/selling books at a small shop in New York’s Hudson Valley. The first time Meshell came in I was tongue-tied, knowing her as a bass playing legend and poet, and thought if she lives here, it’s kind of the center of the universe, right? I really hope to see her play live sometime.

TBHQ — “Planet of Pain” from TBHQ

A radio host on a show I guested on was playing this great track when I walked in. “I really like that,” I thought, and then realized it was my daughter Hazel Rigby who records under the name TBHQ. She’s been performing and recording for years, often instrumental/noise but her voice and lyrics are so wise and honest.

Dory Previn — “The Comedian”

There’s never been anyone like Dory Previn, the pain and ridiculousness of being a human so acutely depicted in song. There’s a new documentary about her, On My Way To Where, by my friend Julia Greenberg with animated segments by Emily Hubley, just making its debut out there. She had a fascinating, fruitful, difficult beautifully productive life and I can’t wait to learn more about her.

Mary Timony — “Dominoes” from Untame The Tiger

Love everything about Mary Timony’s latest solo album Untame the Tiger — the songs, the guitar playing, her voice, the cover!

Swamp Dogg — “Synthetic World”

One of my favorite tracks of all time. Jerry Williams (Swamp Dogg) is still out bringing his music to the people. I’m looking forward to seeing the new documentary Swamp Dogg Gets His Pool Painted — there’s just nobody like this guy.

[bizarrequazar]

12-17 Space Notes -- Candy and Some Review

This was a Twitter space reviewing various debunks ("gaslight-breakers") about the scam and chatting about some recent candy. These notes aren't super comprehensive since a lot of it was just review of old stuff, [recording here].

Recent candy:

Some of the photos for Gong Jun's recent Conde Nast shoot were taken in an independent restaurant in Chengdu. Some JZPs went and had dinner there, and discovered that things like the tableware are have remarkable similarities to things from Word of Honor and LLD. People also learned that the restaurant has some financial difficulties recently, and got through it because of a "benefactor". These more CP-ish elements were only introduced after that. [Tweets with more details]

Part of the video from the same shoot has a moment very reminiscent of the "There's a light on you" scene.

There was a recent photo of Gong Jun with what seems to be a distinct ring mark on his fourth finger.

Review of the shoe tag candy: In June(?) 2021, Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan wore different pairs of Off White sneakers that had the tags switched (ie. shoe A with tag B). You can only buy them with the matching tags, and to take them off without breaking them you have to completely undo the laces.

Apparently yesterday when Gong Jun was going to the airport, someone yelled something like "babi, your nut [the hexagon ring] fell out!" and he looked at the ground.

The photoshoot with the Crazy Jun sign. (Context: Zhang Zhehan's Weibo was Crazy Zhang Zhehan, and Gong Jun even made a comment in one of the woh interviews that he had found it weird before he met Zhehan.)

In Gong Jun's recent single, the only musician not credited was the pianist. Make of this what you will.

Serious stuff:

There was a video going around the fandom on Twitter the other day of Zhang Sanjian talking with very Taiwanese speech patterns. This is far from the first time this has been noticed.

At the Singapore fanmeet, the audio for the singers before Zhang Sanjian was very clear. When Zhang Sanjian came out there was suddenly very heavy reverb, to the point where people who went said they couldn't tell what the song was actually supposed to sound like.

Some haizhe who went to the fanmeet also said that Zhang Sanjian smelled terrible, like to the point where you could smell it from the front rows.

It was recently learned that Nada (the woh screenwriter) and AvenueX know each other. AveX used to say she had insider info, so that explains that.

Tons of the photos that have been posted to the Instagram and such of Zhang Sanjian have noise filters over them, sometimes to the point where you can see it if you zoom in. Noise filters are often used to mask evidence of photoshopping (and a lot of the zsj photos still don't hide it well enough lol.)

Umbrella (Sophie's husband) at one point admitted to being the one running Zhang Mama's Weibo account. It has also been previously confirmed that the phone number the account was registered under belongs to Chen Ahyi.

A reminder that press, views, charts, etc. can be bought (and are more often than you would hope.)

[Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

[fibrofeline]

zionists, racists, TERFs, bootlickers get off my blog & die

white tme plural autistic disabled bi/pan non-binary transmasc from east coast US. musician and artist, creator of harsh noise. we have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. also a cat

my partner @arachnidominatrix and I also make electronic music under Cognitive Distortion

read on for more details about the self and blog:

I am nonbinary without connection to any specific gender. I am transmasc, on T since Oct 2013 and had top surgery Aug 2016. Some of my alters have closer connections to the binary genders.

I feel intense love for my partner who is a transfem lesbian, which is why you’ll see many posts supporting trans women and lesbians.

General nudity is not considered NSFT. Things may get spicy, and tagged accordingly. You will rarely see outright porn on this blog.

Tags:

#💠 — Original posts

#a — Fine art and paintings

#ailurae — Face tag

#anime — Anime and manga

#artwork — Fanart and other art by OP

#ask

#film

#m — Music

#music recs — My and other’s music reviews

#NSFT — Inappropriate for Tumblr

#photography — Photos and art installations

#runway — Models on the run

#strigoaie — Wife tag

#tech — Computers and gadgets

#tv

#vg — Video game

[mostmagical]

So I have decided to start posting my one shots on tumblr.... Please have Adrien making cat noises:

Meow Me a Serenade: AO3

It had started as a joke at first.

Like always, as Chat Noir, Adrien’s number one priority (after, of course, saving Paris—that was a given) was to make his Lady laugh. He reveled in it all. Her little giggles, her full-body chuckles, even her fond little eye rolls. Groans were extra points.

They had been sitting up on one of the buildings overlooking the Place du Trocodéro, just goofing off after patrol. Ladybug was mindlessly scrolling down some feed on some social media on her bugphone, when she paused with one of her adorable little laughs.

“Look, Chaton,” she said, pushing the yoyo in his direction, “you’ll love this.”

A grin spread across his face as he saw the screen. It was a video of a little white cat, “speaking” to its owner in little mewls and yowls. He  did  love it, and his heart did a little flip in his chest at the thought of her knowing that he would.

“I could do that, you know,” he said.

She turned to look at him, the side of her mask raised and he knew she had lifted an eyebrow in question. “Talk, you mean?” She laughed. “You do enough of that already, kitty. You’re always talking my ear off.”

He nudged her with his shoulder, grinning ever wider. “No, I could totally make those noises.”

“Oh yeah, like  nyah,”  she said, laughing at her own joke behind her hand.

Playfully, he narrowed his eyes. “No,” he said. “Well, yes, actually, but I  mean I could chirp and chatter with the best of them if I tried.”

“Sure, you  could,  but it would be nowhere as cute.”

He gasped dramatically. “Nya-ow, that’s a challenge if I ever heard one,” he said, leaning into her personal space.

To his delight, she placed a finger on the tip of his nose and pushed him away. His heart skipped a beat like it always did.

“Okay, minou,” she replied. “Whatever you say.”

“I’m very good at picking up  mew skills, you know. Give me a week.”

Her responding eye roll was the perfect encouragement.

And so, he went home to study.

Adrien leapt through his bedroom window, detransforming almost before he even touched down to the ground. He took a second to toss some camembert to Plagg, before skidding over to his computer chair. It only took a few moments before he had pulled up hours of material to review. The internet, after all, was never lacking cat videos.

“What are you doing?” Plagg asked flatly.

Adrien didn’t take his eyes from the screen as a fluffy gray cat meowed at the camera. “Research.”

Plagg looked from the screen back to Adrien, before sighing. “Fine, do whatever, so long as it doesn’t distract me from savoring my sweet camembert,” he said, taking a bite.

Adrien finally glanced up at the kwami, giving him a roll of the eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” he answered, waving a hand in the air. He reached for his headphones.

For hours, he watched video after video, listening to all sorts of chirps and meows and purrs—anything and everything cat. It wasn’t like he’d never watched cat videos before, but now he was taking notes. Sure,  maybe  this was a little more work than he would typically put in for a joke, but anything to make Ladybug laugh.

As the moon rose in the sky and Nathalie knocked on his door to remind him it was time to go to bed, Adrien decided it was time for the next step: imitation.

He laid back on his bed, phone in hand with his newly curated playlist of cat noises, trying to make his mouth form the same mewls and trills. Maybe this would be easier if he transformed… He could already purr anyway, he remembered, feeling heat rise to his cheeks at the memory.

“You sound ridiculous,” Plagg complained from his perch in one of his fencing trophies. “Can we go to bed already?”

Adrien narrowed his eyes at the kwami, but acquiesced nonetheless. “Fine, fine,” he replied, “good night, Plagg.” He turned onto his side, burying himself in the sheets.

His dreams were filled as per usual with his favorite bug and her sparkling laughter.

-

Adrien continued to practice by himself in his room, waiting for his next opportunity to amuse Ladybug with his newfound skill. Luckily, it wasn’t too long before he got his next chance.

The akuma that day had been quick work, not even requiring a Cataclysm to resolve. After their usual celebration, the two agreed to meet after Ladybug fed her kwami so they could decompress.

He was swinging his feet from their favorite rooftop across from the Eiffel Tower when she arrived.

“Phew,” she sighed out, her breath blowing her bangs up off her forehead. She plopped down beside him with little preamble. “Sorry I took so long, kitty, but I brought snacks.”

Chat Noir looked down at her hands to see a bag from the Dupain-Chengs’ bakery. His mouth watered thinking of the delectable treats she might have selected. She was so thoughtful. He decided to try and express how much he appreciated her.

“Proo,”  he trilled at her, leaning into her space just a bit.

She wrinkled her nose at him, and  gosh  she looked so cute, it almost lessened the sting of her next words.

“You sound like M. Pigeon.”

“What?”  he exclaimed, affronted, and leaning away. “That was a cat noise!”

Ladybug lifted her arms in a little shrug. “Sounded more like a pigeon to me.”

He huffed, pulling his face into an exaggerated frown. And he had worked so hard, too.

She started giggling, and his mood lifted instantly. “Sorry, Chaton,” she said. “Maybe next time.”

“Ugh, you can’t call me that anymore,” he cried, hanging his head dramatically. “I’m not worthy of the name.”

“Aww… Don’t cry, kitty,” she cooed.

She threaded her fingers into his hair, and automatically he leaned into her touch. Seeing a golden opportunity, he tried again.

“Mrrrp…”

“Pfft!” Air blew out through Ladybug’s nose, and then she was clutching her stomach as she giggled. Adrien felt his chest bloom with warmth.

“Okay,” she finally said, traces of laughter still shaking her shoulders. “That one was pretty good.”

“Really?” He grinned up at her.

Playfully, she rolled her blue, blue eyes at him, though the smile stayed on her face. Her fingers returned to his hair, gentle nails scratching behind his ears. He nuzzled into the touch, his purr thrumming the air around them.

-

They soon fell into a regular pattern like that. On patrols, after akuma attacks, or following any other public appearances they might make, Adrien would try his cat noises in the hopes he would get a small laugh out of her. If he was lucky, she would even pet him. His purr always coaxed a couple extra giggles out of her.

He didn’t think it was a big deal until he caught himself at home, trilling while he did his history homework. He hadn’t meant to do it, but it just came out, filling the silence of his room. His eyes flicked to Plagg over his shoulder.

The kwami was floating in the air, tiny arms crossed over his chest. “Adrien…” he started. “What was that?”

“I… don’t know what you mean,” Adrien said sheepishly.

“I am going to need  way  more cheese if you start ‘practicing’  again.”

Plagg flew away to the other side of the room, and Adrien tried his best to focus on his studies again, thinking and not thinking about keeping quiet.

-

It happened again when he was sitting in the library with Nino, researching for a literature project they were working on together.

“Hmm,” Nino hummed. “You have that biography on Victor Hugo?”

“Mrrft.”

Nino went silent. Adrien looked up at him to meet wide brown eyes, eyebrows raised high beneath the brim of his hat.

“Nino? Yeah, you want the biography or not?”

Nino just continued to stare at him across the study table like he had four heads, ignoring the question. “Dude, what  was  that?”

Adrien tilted his head. “What was what?”

“That  noise  you just made?”

Adrien straightened his posture, understanding seeping into his bones. He felt his ears grow warm with his embarrassed blush. “I– I made a noise?” he asked. “You sure I didn’t just say yes?”

Nino must have noticed he was getting nervous, because his expression slid into something a bit more teasing. “Yeah, it was definitely a noise. Uhh… I don’t think I could recreate it, but if I had to guess? Maybe… sounded a little like a bird?”

“It was a cat!” Adrien automatically responded. He slapped a hand over his mouth.

Nino blinked at his outburst, then quickly fell into peals of laughter. One of his hands gently hit against the table. “You’re so weird, man,” he said, his tone purely joking.

Adrien tried to push the self-consciousness of getting caught away and laughed along.

-

He was sitting in the back of the sedan with Nathalie and he was  dying  of boredom.

Maybe it would have been better if his bodyguard were allowed to switch on the radio, or if someone would just  talk  to him. Instead, they were in complete silence. Nathalie was reviewing some  Gabriel  documents on her tablet and claimed she needed complete focus.

Adrien’s leg started bouncing as he leaned against the door’s armrest. As they passed through the streets of Paris, heading towards some distant location across the city for an off-site photo shoot, he imagined his lady leaping and bounding across the tops of the roofs. He could practically hear the zip of her yoyo in the silence of the car.

“Chichichi,” he forced air out of his mouth through his teeth, imagining he was trying to chirp for her. His tongue rolled in his mouth almost naturally.

“Adrien.”

Nathalie’s stern voice cut through his thoughts and he remembered where he was again. His head turned to his left to meet her eyes. He couldn’t remember ever seeing such an amused look on her face before.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

His eyes flitted away from hers, shame coloring his cheeks. The wriggling against his side from Plagg told him  just  what he had done.

“N–nothing,” he said.

It was all he could do to count the seconds until they finally reached their destination.

-

“How are you getting so good at that?” Ladybug asked through her giggles one night.

Chat Noir lifted his chin into the air, his belt tail flicking behind him. He did a little purr for her (she giggled again). “Practice, practice, practice,” he sang.

“Practice?” she asked, plopping herself down on the rooftop edge. “What, you’re just meowing to yourself even through the akuma battles when I can’t even hear you?” She gasped. “Or—don’t tell me… Do you sit at home in your bedroom just making cat noises all day?”

He shrugged and sat down beside her, his legs criss-crossing over each other. “A little of column A, a little of column B,” he answered, waving his hand in a noncommittal gesture.

Her eyes twinkle a bit when she looks at him. “Don’t tell me you just meow at your friends and ask them to rate you?”

Adrien ignored the heat rising up his neck at the memory of Nino teasing him in the library. “Uhh… Something… like that,” he said.

She laughed at that, a tinkling little sound like stars, and he forgot all about it.

“Well, I’ll be honest, it’s grown on me a bit,” Ladybug said.

He could feel butterflies swarming around in his stomach.

“Mrow,”  he replied. “Is that so, my Lady? I’m  growing  on mew?”

She rolled her eyes. “Like a weed.”

He grinned back at her, knowing she was only playing around. Excitedly, he trilled again, leaning his shoulder into hers.

Ladybug reached her hand up by his ears, running her fingers through his hair in gentle ministrations, and his purr rumbled through his chest.

-

Adrien was in Marinette’s room, finally allowed a rare appearance with his friends. They were currently in the middle of a Mecha Strike tournament, one of which Marinette had been destroying everyone in.

Nino pushed against his shoulder as Adrien finally slammed his character down on the screen.

“Aw, come on, dude!” Nino cried. “I want to win one.”

Alya laughed. “If you want to win, stop challenging Adrien.” She affectionately rubbed Nino’s back. “You know you have no chance of beating him  or  Marinette unless the world is ending.”

“Yeah, but, babe, if I go up against you, there’s no challenge!”

“Hey!”

Marinette giggled from her chaise across the room at the couple’s playful bickering. For some reason, Adrien felt his chest warm at the gentle sound.

“Ugh, I’m starving,” Alya sighed. “Adrien, how late are you staying?”

Adrien startled at the question directed at him. Idly, he pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen for the time, even though the little analog clock on Marinette’s desk told him it was just after 5.

“Uhh… I should be able to stay another hour or two?” His voice trailed off like it was a question. “So long as my father doesn’t have a sudden change of heart.”

“Great!” Alya beamed. “Nino, let’s go look for sustenance. We’ll bring it back up here with us.”

“Sounds good.”

The couple bounded down the stairs, closing the trapdoor behind them. Adrien leaned back into his chair with a sigh.

The sound of Marinette clearing her throat drew his eyes across the room. She didn’t quite meet his eyes as she said, “I– I’m glad you were able to come hang out with us today, Adrien.”

He smiled, though he wasn’t sure if she would see it. “Me, too.”

Realizing how long he had been sitting in the same spot, Adrien decided it was time for a stretch break. He stood up and raised his arms over his head, feeling the tension he hadn’t even noticed was there leaving his muscles. He took slow steps to where Marinette was sitting across the room, scrolling through her phone. He let himself sink down to the floor and lean his back against the chaise.

With one final stretch of his arms, the noise came out unbidden, like a yawn.

“Mrrpft.”

He was rewarded with the sound of his favorite giggle. Fingers delved into his hair like the most natural thing. He nuzzled into it, his Lady’s ministrations always reaching  just  the right spot. His chest grew warm as he started to purr.

Except, the noise that came out was throaty and guttural, unlike the smooth rumbling he was used to. He opened his eyes, realizing that he was certainly  not  Chat Noir right now. The (bare) fingers in his hair stopped as well.

He turned to look over his shoulder, meeting Marinette’s blue, blue eyes, set in her pink, pink cheeks.

“Oh,”  he breathed.

“Oh,”  Marinette breathed back.

[colorsoundoblivion]

Open call for contributions for a new zine. If you’ve been following me for a while, you have an idea about the relevant subject matter (Sub/Counter Culture, Outsider/Industrial/Noise Music, Experimental Everything, Mental Health Struggles, Queerness, etc.). No firm dates for anything… whenever the 1st issue’s done, it’s done.

Looking for…

Music Reviews, Live Show Reports, Photography, Painting, interviews (both interviewers and those willing to be interviewed), indie film makers, queer activists/artists, anything that defies convention, short stories, poetry, anyone willing to share honestly their struggles with mental health or other health issues, anyone into body modification, anyone with an unconventional body structure comfortable showing their body and discussing it, anyone willing to share terrifying personal experiences they’ve overcome, comedic works as prose or illustration. Anything & anyone who deserves their “15 minutes” currently denied by surface culture.

***NOT looking for…

Pornography, edgelord shit for the sake of edgelord shit, right wing/conservative bullshit, Racists, animal cruelty, white nationalist propaganda, Nazi sympathizers, homophobes, transphobes, sexists, and other generally shitty human garbage. ***This doesn’t mean journalistic articles about such things can’t find inclusion, just that I don’t want to print the actual things themselves.

My plan at the moment is to create a digital version (Free) and a limited print version (slightly above whatever actual cost is to keep the thing going). Including CD-Rs of music or video or data files for the Print versions isn’t out of the question for those looking to contribute things that can’t be printed on a page.

Any of this sound interesting to you?

Get in touch.

PS: Yes, I’m having some kind of high energy episode and I was up all night coming up with ideas for the zine as well as design elements and beyond.

PSS: I’m tagging a bunch of creatives on here, and please feel free to reblog/spread the word to anyone else who may be interested. Don’t feel any obligation to be involved… I just think you may have an interest in some of the above and would probably be an amazing contributor in varying capacities. Involvement once isn’t a commitment for future issues, either. Contribute as much/little as you want. I just want to help lift up good art. @justmakesuresheeatsthemouse @womenofnoise @illustratedtourniquet @bitter1 @conceptalbum @dmoure @musicktoplayinthedark @postpunkindustrial @raycastelo @skatalite @sacramence @trulyunpleasant @spectral-neophiliac @garv-painter @azulumbra @vosus @jkflesh @jgthirlwell @amuletsmusic

[copperbadge]

hey sam! i don't want to dump a research question on you, but just in case this is your remit - do you have any apps or browser extensions or similar for adhd and studying? i know about screen tinting and white noise, but if there's anything out there (paid or not) that you recommend, please wax lyrical! i'm collecting a doc of links for study tools beyond pomodoro style apps!

Man, screen tinting and white noise is already well out ahead of me, Anon :D I never did either of those while studying. I can't deal with screen tinting, but I did eventually start using ASMR videos as white noise when I was in my thirties, when I was working. Lo-fi beat music (often designated FOR studying on youtube!) often helps. Other than that I'm afraid I don't have any tools to link to -- no apps, no programs, no sites. I simply don't use any for learning/studying. I have a lot of tools but they're for managing personal life and very finely-tuned to me, so it's stuff like using google sheets to keep my calendar, and using Tasks to manage my chores. It's not to say you can't or shouldn't use apps and extensions, it's just not something that existed when I was in college and not something I make use of now.

My work, while very focus-intensive and intellectual, and involving synthesizing a lot of data, is also very temporary -- the data arrives in my brain, is put to use, and then goes immediately back out again. I've actually trained myself to have no long-term memory for some things, which is probably a bad thing, but every job I've had since 2008 has involved remembering very specific data for somewhere between five minutes (answering phones, remembering names) and two days (building a profile of a donor).

My study techniques when I was in school were less about environment and more about structure -- how I built my lecture notes and how I transferred them to a method for study.

In class, I found it helpful to take notes on blank paper, unlined, so that I could draw pictures and diagrams and structure my notes in a less linear fashion than lined paper would have encouraged. I should dig some out and take some photos sometime. So I had this artist's 8x11 pad of paper with diagrams and outlines and paragraphs all over the place. (I also tried graph paper but didn't like that, too much visual interference.)

I would start reviewing my notes for the eventual exam pretty soon after taking them -- about a month after any given lecture I'd go back to my notes and start review, which sounds a little insane, but was for me super helpful. I would get a deck of 3x5 cards and start moving what I thought were the vital points from those month-old notes over to the 3x5 cards. I didn't use them as flashcards (except for Latin class), I just put notes on various cards when they seemed to go together, and I'd carry the cards around with me and take them out and read them over. It made them very portable! And it meant that I could study in small chunks across a long stretch of time, which probably was very ADHD-compatible because it meant I saw everything a lot and it became "background noise" in the sense that I retained it.

I did kind of have the classic "gifted child" habit of not studying much because I rarely needed to, and for me that fortunately did carry over into college and grad school. With a few exceptions, I didn't have to study much for my exams, and the index cards covered what I needed. The struggle that I had was writing papers -- the classic ADHD "can't get started, hyperfocus once I do". I did eventually figure out the pattern, and so what I'd do was just block out the weekend before the paper was due (often I set the due dates ahead of the real ones in my calendar) and sit down and do the whole-ass paper across about 18 hours. If I knew the time was blocked out for it ahead of time, then that would propel me into actually getting started, and I'd bang the thing out.

So yeah, a lot of my study techniques for living with ADHD, not that I knew I was, came down to stretching studying way out over several weeks to months, and compressing paper-writing into weekends.

But also like...IDK man, cut yourself a lot of slack, I was studying and writing papers before smartphones existed, before my undergrad campus had wifi. If I wanted to check my email, because I didn't have a computer freshman year, I had to go to the computer lab across campus. It made research harder, of course, but it stripped me of a lot of opportunities to goof off. And because my brain was never trained to expect instant digital gratification, I never had the urge to put my notes down and check my smartphone.

So, maybe there's that, too -- if you find that while studying you get distracted a whole bunch, it may be useful to do some digital "hygiene" -- train yourself to go stretches without checking your phone or your browser, starting small and moving up to five, ten, fifteen, sixty minutes. I can't say that will help everyone or even be possible for everyone, but I think it's something to try.

Readers with ADHD (including self-diagnosis), feel free to chime in with the ADHD-centric study tools you use! I'd like to ask that neurotypical people not share their techniques here, only because people with ADHD tend to get a lot of well-meaning advice that is unfortunately not super applicable to the neurodiverse, which can be really frustrating and depressing. And remember to comment or reblog, as I don't repost asks sent in response to other asks. Thanks everyone!

[theuglybujo]

My (ADHD) focus/organization strats

Here's some stuff that I've found works, and is working for me this semester! I want to go back and make cute graphics for this but. We'll see.

Doing a reading: Going for less visual clutter (tip: throw everything in a box, a pile behind you, or tucked behind your computer so you can't see it). Just need:

Computer to keep pomodoro timers and use with...

...Overear headphones to (1) block out distractions and (2) give me enough stimulus to stay present. My fav is white noise + the lofi study stream (nothing else fits my brain's requirements of no voices, round not sharp sounds, minor or no fading/switching side-to-side)

Critically, mini notepad for distracting thoughts. Anything that's not the reading (cool websites, chores, people to text, games to try...), write it down, deal with it when you're done. By which point it will probably not feel as important lol

A notebook if the reading is digital, or the reading + stickynotes if it's physical (bc I take notes like this but without the rewriting part usually)

Taking notes: Going for faster & easier writing, reviewing, & remembering

Color code classes and use that color in my headings, boxes (if we watch a video, i'll box my bullets on the video so I can differentiate from the lecture content), and...

...Pictures/diagrams, esp during lecture for Speed. Easier to look at and easier to remember than words.

Color code annotations (underlines/highlights in my notes, or the sticky note colors). I use big point, subpoint, new term / names / etc stuff I'll probably be tested on, and my thoughts/stuff i like

Annotate everything. Add your emotions, reactions, connections, examples, questions, ideas. I give these their own color. They go good in margins. Easier review, better remembering.

Surviving lecture: Thankfully my professors are very engaging this semester but I still use some strats

Fidgets omg. I got over myself and started bringing a fidget spinner and popit to class and it saves my life

Chop up video lectures, this is Prof. Mary Latta's idea she gives us 2-3 shorter video lectures instead of 1 long one. Pomodoro it.

Get involved with people. This is hard and took me years but it's awesome. Complement people and ask questions (stickers they have? their outfit, hair, nails, tattoos? work? major? interest in the class?), because you can (1) get friends/study buddies/people to sit next to, and (2) break the ice to asking for help and getting different perspectives. Hang out a little after/before class, ask for their reactions, examples, ideas. Gush your excitement or confess your confusion to the prof, or overhear someone doing that and jump in if you relate. None of us know 100% what's going on and it feels great to fill the gaps (or validate asking the prof for clarification!)

And important addition, when you get the pomodoro breaks (and before you start), ACTUALLY TAKE A BREAK. Do you need a shower/snack/water. You probably need to stretch. You might even need to move locations or get a different chair or move the light just to shake things up.

[thetentaclecommander]

Ghandon's Reports

Ghandon's Reports ________________________________________________ Rated E; has adult/intensely heavy themes Fandom: Resident Evil Ships: Nemesis/Jill Valentine, Jill Valentine/Albert Wesker, Original Character/Original Character, Nemesis/OC Chapters: 4/? CW: graphic depictions of violence, psychological trauma, implied medical torture, implied/referenced torture, unhinged voyeurism (full tag list on AO3) Summary: The complete lab notes, dockets, recordings, videos, and other information that was compiled by Dr. Simon T. Ghandon, Head Researcher of the NEMESIS Project now posthumously up for review by outside parties. ________________________________________________ Excerpt:

B.O.W. specimens T-103 – Nemesis T-Type 2003 > NEMESIS Project > nov121998umb.avi

A grainy, soundless video clip is playing; a string of numbers roll across the screen next to what looked to be a small miniaturized Umbrella logo. The image seemed shaky as if a hand cam was being used. The image of a hazmat-suited up arm could be seen in the frame as the cameraman adjusted. The camera panned upwards before panning around the area; the devastated smoking area that looked to be little more than rubble and sand.

The cam picked up other figures rolling past in a Humvee, outfitted with people in fatigues, loaded with weapons and the familiar red and white logo on their arms. As they rolled by, the cameraman lifted up a small thin electronic of some sort. It appeared to be a tracker, pulsing towards a fixed yet unmoving point on the screen. The way the camera shifted around it was as if the handler was nervous and moving quickly.

The Humvee from before had suddenly skidded to a stop near the cameraman's path. The camera shifted back to the front of the viewer only to pan the view out. From farther away, one could see a large mass. The camera jerked around again as the cameraman jumped into the van with the others, the military vehicle' surroundings replacing the monotony of the sandy near bleach white of the outside. Suddenly, the sound crackled on as the blare of the Humvee engine roared to life.

The camera adjusted shakily looking towards the once barely identifiable thing from afar. As the still quiet group approached it, the mass from closer didn't look any better. It looked like a bloated pile of animal guts, with what looked to be distended appendages and sharp spines sticking out of it. The mass was like an unmoving tumor, nearly as big if not bigger than the Humvee, the thing laying in a low pit and drying out in the warm sun. 

The soldiers had begun to put on gas masks; the camera was placed down; assumingly the cameraman was placing one onto themselves as the sound of close by shifting was heard. “Seems it went into a final defensive measure,” was coolly uttered by the cameraman, panning along the huge mass.

“Get back!” was sharply shouted from someone through a muffled mask before the camera wobbled suddenly. It jostled up then back down steadying itself to refocus on the bloated pile of flesh as the meat pile began to softly shimmer in movement. It rippled while the dry pile began to appear as if it was suddenly re-hydrating itself, the fleshy mass gaining a wet and slimy sheen. Meanwhile, beneath the surface of the thing's skin, worm-like things were barely seen moving inside it.

One soldier had shifted their rifle upwards at the bloated mass, hesitantly watching it slightly shift around like a mishmash of near unidentifiable parts and gore. Suddenly it began to shift violently then constrict, folding in on itself like a grotesque piece of paper. The noises being made were a mix between an animal being wetly torn apart and the sharp shifting of bone. 

The cameraman suddenly jerked backward as suddenly very familiar purple-black protrusions peeked through then ripped out of the large but still shrinking mass. The mass became smaller and smaller; till it landed on a size and shape nearing more humanoid. Still, it was larger than a normal human; the sounds of flesh and bone shifting around was slowing down, with the assorted party looking on. The cameraman's voice came out with a hint of both awe and unease, “The tracker was accurate as the B.O.W. while having a very low survival probability, indeed survived the strike. How it did, we will have to determine after its recapture.”

The camera was shifted as the cameraman raised that tracker again, the gadget still beeping implying that this pile of flesh in front of them was a lost B.O.W. The now much more humanoid looking B.O.W. still kept morphing and shrinking into itself till it had the defining face, tearing, scaring and tentacles it was known for down to the look it had before launch into Raccoon City.

Everything had reverted back to its original form sans the medical staples that was found all over its body and in the face, leaving it - no him going by the unclothed state the B.O.W. was left in - like the B.O.W. had used a biological save state to recover from the uncontrollable mutative state he was in previous. 

The newly reshaped Tyrant began to suddenly vomit everywhere causing the Umbrella recovery team to pull even further back. The B.O.W. was vomiting out profusely what appeared to be medical waste; the body rejecting the additional waste that had probably aided in the near uncontrolled state the group found him in.

“Unit NET-002 has been found. Ready to prepare it for transport.” One of the soldier raised an odd weapon, unseen till now in the view of the camera. The Tyrant had stopped vomiting around this point, visibly shaking while leftover drooled from his maw. Then suddenly as if spent from that exertion, the creature slumped to the ground before passing out. The team had still kept their distance from the Tyrant, watching for any more movements. 

But as time passed, it became clear that the B.O.W. was not getting back up. Eventually, the cameraman went to test the monster for vitals concluding, “Aside from the shifting of forms, the found subject did not rise from the ground a second time after a good hour. It seems to have entered a self-imposed comatose state. When it would wake from such a state we do not know but we need to rush it over to containment quickly.” With that, the soldier with the strange looking gun shot what appeared to be darts at the prone creature. While this was happening, the loud whooshing sound of wind near overwhelmed the sound of the cam as a black, windowless and unmarked transport helicopter landed a few feet away from the still unconscious Tyrant. It seemed larger than what would be expected of such aircraft.

The helicopter slowly landed before its roaring engines were suddenly shut off. It then lowered itself to the ground with what looked to be built in hydraulics in its landing gear. The back of the helicopter’s door was let open by one of the members with a larger metal lift slowly protruding out. Sitting on the lift was a large cylinder capsule, the latches already looking to be unlocked.

“No odd effects observed yet from chemical 3621. Will keep watch as unit stays in containment,” the cameraman utters as the 4 others try to lift up the prone Tyrant. The Tyrant must have weighed a taxing amount as the 4 struggled to even lift the monster an inch only to place moving straps up under him.  The camera began to shake and jostle in the cameraman's hands as if he was waving his hands around-

The video feed suddenly cuts off; the rest of the file seems corrupted. (Continue reading Ghandon's Reports on A03)