#Until I got my medication
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Side effects of wearing your sentient Kaiju suit too often ,,,,
#hoshina soshiro#kn8#kaiju no. 8#my art#kaiju no 10#hoshi10#FINALLY I GOT TO DRAW BODYMERGE HOSHI10#this is my favourite form of existence for them my brain is spinninnggggg#it's so sexy to me to imagine hoshina trying to take off the suit and he just can't get it off without peeling his own skin off shcjsnfjs#10 so pleased with this situation#hoshina panic but also he cant tell anyone becazse then they'd definitely take 10 away from him#and we don't want that#brain spinning so hsrd i hope he curls up in his room and hides while the suit slowly merges ro his body#until one of his boyfriends finds him ofc hhhhh#rushing him to medical but they can't change him back to human anymore#can you see I've been thinking about this ancjsixbsia#I'll see myself out
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Staring at the 5 different Word documents I have open at the moment and muttering, "Once my body gets out of survival mode, it's over for you bitches."
#I have so much to do#why must my body keep doing this?#I mean I know why#I got my diagnosis for the thing that was killing me a week before the pandemic hit and got NO medical care until late last year#but still#blegh#I just want to work
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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new rt everyone shes a freak whos pretty sure shes been been given the role of rogue trader as an act of divine intervention to eventually replace the godemperor and bring new glory to the imperium which she thinks is dull and stagnant. dont worry about why she keeps marazhai caged in her trophy room like he's bait its not important and completely irrelevant to the fact ive joke nicknamed her simon thresh. has anyone noticed a lot of slaaneshi demons during warp jumps lately
#warhammer rogue trader#rogue trader#marazhai aezyrraesh#von valancius#if i ever mention about marazhai going insane on the voidship this is what i want you to think of#understimulated predator animal in a cage claws itself open#its worse with her but i do think he generally feels kinda insane anyway#yeah he's tricked into thinking she's tolerable and a fair alternative to the arena then hes taken to the voidship#yrliet [who was the fixation until now] tries to warn him about her before getting her head bashed in infront of him#spirit stone smashed into shards for ritual use body dragged off for vague poor medical knowledge dissection#he is now thinking the arena might not be so bad after all. except he's got no way to back out of this so hes screaming clawing at the wall#shes not giving him up willingly and the only person who could take him by force is calcazar whos not a great alternative tbh!#so he gets to go insane being bait for the chaos god he's already ocd fixated is stealing his soul [on top of normal drukhari fears]#and he's not able to maul anyone else while locked up so its just him dealing with this alone! yay#she doesnt give a shit about pasqal until he gets xenotech in him. then he goes to the trophy room too for study/more grafts#heinrix is most likely captive in the trophy room too with his death faked so he cant snitch#idira Almost got in trouble too for the implant she gets from tervantias but then it breaks and this lass is just angry at her#the Only reason she doesnt feed her to the wolves and kick her out is her door. and she is now trying to force it open with a crowbar#abelard has to deal with her shit and manage it socially. he never thought he'd want to retire but fucking hell when can he quit#she likes jae mostly for her connections. toxic yuri theyre both using eachother#she briefly idolises achilleas for bringing her to commorragh but then finds out he did it under torture and didnt want to. mad at him#he can make it up to her once hes a wrack though [he is going next to marazhai. this will only improve both their mental states]#can you tell this freak is a piece of work yet#shes got screams of the damned volume 3 playing across the ship and shes having a great time but is completely deadpan the whole time#unrelated! you can finally see my idea of marazhai next to a normal fucking human good god. yeah i think hes huge
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sorry to be desperate it's just bc im poor lmao my dog needs to see the vet tomorrow to get his meds adjusted and the bloodwork, examination fee, etc is probably gonna cost us about $300....if someone would like a sketchy commission like this for $20 or maybe wanna buy something from our shop it would literally help so much ;_;) you can also look on my art blog @sheep-sorbet for more examples im open to any work rn to help pay for this. thank you
#i would feel scummy tagging this in fandom tags but yeah#we just have too much other stuff to pay for right now and my roomate is already having money troubles and my partner just got#off of medical leave#like. please help us actually#it's not the most urgent thing but aaaahhhh#sorry mutuals i will probably not shut up about this until it's paid for
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I tried to bike yesterday and came back with less skin than before I biked :(
#rip my ankle now I can’t bike for a few weeks until I heal#been singing got no strings over n over but replacing strings with skin#it’s fun#bones speaks#bones rants#injury tw#I’m so injury prone this month I’ve burned myself 16 times + tore off skin from a too adhesivey bandaid#eventually I’ll have ship of Theseus’d my skin at the rate I’m injuring myself gawddamn#dw I’m fine and I gots all the medical shit to fix this stuff
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#i went and got Examined and Cleaned at dentist and of course paid with my own money#which i save for these exact reasons! health stuff#and i feel much better after going... like in general#i needed a cleaning its been a while since my last one#anyway i get home and both my parents are acting like it was all a waste of time and money#which makes sense bc like. this is only my second time ever going to a dentist. ykwim#i never went to doctors growing up because Waste Of Money We Dont Have#so obvs they think that way#but it Affects Me. ykwim. like oh i really am going to have insane obsessive massive self doubt over every decision i make until i die...ok#like maybe i shouldtve gone maybe it wldve gone away by itself i dont knowwwww#joining the war on All The Men In My Family Dying Bc They Dont Seek Medical Care on the side of the Men#talkys
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quickest warm up scribbles of sum less common König skins that i love while i gotta wait 4 mf antibiotics bc ig my body has the immune strength of a dying victorian child 🙃🔫 the man yearns for the slop of the earth ☢💚
#könig#wasnt gunna bother posting it here since theres significantly less cod ppl on tumblr than twitter but fuggit posting it for records sake#what can i say this mortal flesh prison im trapped in until the sweet release of death hates my guts!!!!#this whole year has been can of worms after can of worms of health problems i s2g#and my knowing fear of getting wrapped up in the neverending web of medical bills and issues was right all along lmfao#ANYWAY i got 5 more pages left im hoping the comic update will be in around 3 weeks maybe less#call of duty#konig#cod#call of duty modern warfare 2#konig modern warfare#modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare#my art#doodle#sketch#fanart#fish
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happy disability pride month to disabled folks who were medically neglected as children.
happy disability pride month to people who were disabled as kids, but told their disabilities weren't "really disabling" or enough to stop them from reaching their "potential".
happy disability pride month to people who were never taken to the doctor as kids, never given adequate care for their disabilities (even when it was accessible).
happy disability pride month to people who were only taught about their disabilities as a method of fear mongering. "that kid over there, who obviously has it worse? that could be you."
happy disability pride month to people who were told as children that it was their own fault they were disabled.
happy disability pride month to the people who sat alone in the nurse's office at school when their disability flared.
happy disability pride month to the people who could have had a wildly better quality of life as children, if only their guardians had bothered to care.
#i still forget sometimes that my asthma counts as a disability#it was so drilled into my head as a kid that it wasn't a *real* disability#but in the same breath i would be forbidden from running and playing#when i found out about IEPs in college and how it could have meant i could have been excempt from high school gym class... i'm still so mad#sophomore year no one bothered to take me to the doctor#and that was the year the gym teacher had us running miles 3x a week#i had to use my (expired of course) rescue inhaler almost daily#i remember being so afraid that it was going to keep getting worse and never get better#it did. but not until i got old enough to take my medical care into my own hands#and all of this is just about my asthma. not even touching on the painfully obvious neurodivergence and trauma that went untreated#disability#disability pride month#mine
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I am so scared about my doctor visit tomorrow; I have IBS but it's gotten to the point where I need them to make sure that is all that wrong, because boy do I highly doubt it.
And the hand shaking thing, I'm finally gonna have a doctor talk with me about it and I've feared this my entire adult life. here is how they were like 2 years ago on a good day, they've gotten significantly worse, every single thing I draw is a massive struggle. Writing is difficult even typing is a struggle some days.
youtube
My dad and brother both had/have this this, much worse than I do, so I have never wanted to pay for testing that's just like 'you have essential tremors go away' but at this stage I need something, some sort of help here idek.
#tw: medical#to be deleted#I have a great doctor but I also had years of being ignored until I passed out and rolled down some bleachers and the school got involved#but that was like 20yrs ago#my hands were shaky then#so time to get a colonoscopy and see another specialist yeehaw#misadventures with aes
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Felt a bizarre little sense of discomfort seeing a character with my deadname is aroace (whereas ordinarily i would either be happy or indifferent) so today is perhaps going to be a sensitive day
#danie yells at themself#slept through my alarm so i barely ate breakfast#got to work late so i'm gonna be going home late#started eating breakfast and my client started smoking so i have to stop eating until he's done#what a little wash of a day. and it's only 10am.#i rarely wanna go home this much this early. i'm just so done with all of this.#the thing i'm looking forward to most about my breast reduction is probably uprooting my life for a month or more to recover#probably won't be able to work this job so maybe i can find something else that i can do from home#and i'll be seeing someone about my mental health starting next month so maybe i'll get medication. . . .#i am just. ready to move forward. i'm so tired. i'm in so much pain.
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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whoever invented wellbutrin is my favorite person in the entire universe
#i got home at 7:30 after another 11.5 hour day and then ORGANIZED MY DESK. ANDDDD SHOWERED. which doesn’t sound like much ik but#my routine for the last 4 weeks has been come home and lie in bed in a fugue state until 2 am and listen to searows#and i’ve been putting off cleaning my desk this whole time so this is actually monumental#i forgot that i was actually feeling great* for the 3 months i was taking it regularly so i am excited to hopefully be more NORMAL AGAIN#anyways you don’t have to read alladat i just did kind of accept that i would never have the energy to do even a single easy task ever agai#but 3 days of taking this consistently and i am significantly more normal than before. and im looking back at my cry count#for the last 4 weeks scratching my head like damn girl was it that serious.#post medication clarity is so embarrassing.#/astro posts
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no skellie art. just me having a hell of a day
#cold I got from my little sister (kindergarten cooties) + poked eye (my s/o. accidental) + my uterus doesn't like me (-10 immune system)#someone put me in a medical coma until this is done#if nobody got me i know fanfic got me#rahh rahh ah ah ah#mint says shit#mint art
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At least twice a week since July I've had people thanking me for my neuroendocrine cancer education and telling me how often they use the resources I built them :') idk imposter syndrome is ever present and in healthcare you can even have thoughts of "Man, am I spending too much time educating/researching on poorly understood cancers?"
I'm still struggling to decide on format, but I'm currently compiling my research and resources to make a self-guided cancer education resource for my team. I really enjoy my job rn but I think focused cancer education would be nice to springboard into later in life once I finish learning about the inner guts of the ACA. I'm finally healthy enough to consider higher education, but the catch is my employer insurance is the only reason I can get my medical care...and leaving for school to be able to focus more officially on cancer education means I'd lose that medical care security :(
#Creepy chatter#Idk I think I want another few years at least in my field since I can sample each medical specialty but oncology is my babygirl#The emails I get from the NCI..boy you would not believe the insane breakthroughs we've had in just this year#Literally modifying cancer cells to 'I hope we both die' to themselves + treatment resistant cells#Hi hello we are learning to hijack cancer evolution to make it kill itself with a series of kill switches#But first I want to understand this busted but improving system and how to protect affordable care for the most vulnerable populations#I learn the jargon. I break the jargon. I make an education series. Repeat lol...#Anyway biochem is my fun thought for a major and then focusing it into an oncology arm#Or maybe just cellular biology to learn more about immune checkpoints + mRNA revolutions#Last time I seriously thought abt going back school I was 22 and got diagnosed with Forever Expensive Sickness#🧍Me when I...me when I want to work w cancer closer but my health is too expensive to maintain w school 🧍🧍#So I focus in the ACA until I can do school ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ do good where you are rn and all that#Cw medical#Cw cancer#Sorry forgot my tags lol...during my work day it's easy to forget
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