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sweetestt-devottionn · 6 years ago

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Hug Me

AN: This was inspired by a fic that i read before hope u enjoy it! sorry for any grammar mistakes english isn’t my first language, i’m open to criticism tho:)

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It seems like yesterday I was happy with nothing. Today, I make a wish to the moon. I told her if I can see you once again, I'll do one last dance with you to this song.

To remember you forever,

Just one last dance...

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Have you ever heard the word 'breathless'?

It has different meaning of its own if you put it in different use. One could describe the meaning of extreme surprise where you just froze in your spot, mouth hung agape as you look at the most precious thing in you possession in awe.

It truly was a wonderful description to appreciate such blessings.

Yet, in another meaning, one that you make sense of literally, has such a different effect, with a stark contrast between light and darkness, akin of a nightmare in the middle of a day dream.

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Breathless

[breth-lis]

1. without breath or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting:

2. dead; lifeless.

==========

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was just standing there in her comfy clothes, casually washing the dishes then the next moment. She saw her lying on the floor as the plate she was holding dropped and shattered against the hard wood floor. It might be just at the spur of the moment, where she exists and everything fell apart. She was rooted to the spot, head staying on the same spot her love used to stand just moments ago. Slowly, but surely everything came rushing back, like a river current overcoming any hindrance. Her hands were shaking when she finally got control of her body.

"LISA!" She screamed then, heart gripped with the panic brewing inside her at seeing her lover so frail, surrounded with the broken glass scattered around her body. She was shaken with pity that at such a tragic misery her love was still attention's sweet centre. Painted was the tragically beautiful story of their journey, started with her world brushed with dark muddy colours.

“oh mygod ohmygod,”

Jisoo swore she never ran so fast in her life.

In the blink of an eye, she was holding her lover's head on her lap as her fingers fumbled with her phone, the trembling digits struggling to call 9-1-1.

"I need your help please... She fainted....I-" That was the last thing Lisa heard as the black spots on her vision finally swallowed her whole. When the last sigh left her lips, her body became slack.

And that,

was the night everything changed.

==========

The trip to the hospital was not one on her favourite list of trips but, at seeing her lover sudden decline of health, she wondered just how long it would take for the ambulance to reach the hospital. She sighed over and over again as she held Lisa’s hand close and kissed each of her knuckles.

She choked back a sob as her eyes welled with tears and the state Lisa was in. Oxygen mask covered her face, and somehow in the span of minutes she had only just noticed how pale and gaunt her love actually is, a drastic difference to her usually fair and healthy body. She cursed herself, hating the fact that she had failed to see the symptoms that might have had explained the ongoing situation.

“I’m sorry baby, I should have looked after you better and stayed home more, fuck I’m- I’m fucking sorry I shouldn’t have I-,” Her speech was cut off due to the sob threatening to burst out.

“pl-please just wake u-up please…”

It may seem unusual for those close to her but,

She prayed that night.

To whatever gods there are out there, she just hoped they’d listened.

When the sound of cars honking filled her hearing and the pounding of her heart reverberated throughout her body, she closed her lids tightly. Lips mouthing an inaudible prayer as tears welled in her eyes. She held her lover's hand a little tighter, yet somehow, she still refused to cry.

‘Me and my pride’ she muses.

She refrained herself to believe anything but her lover being okay again.

She had to be okay..

She just had to...

==========

The short trip to the hospital turned out to be a long one. The seconds and the minutes turned into hours as she waited outside the ER. She paced back and forth for she knew that there was something wrong, though she refused to believe it. Realising she might have to tell Chaeyoung, she steeled herself against the obvious thunderstorm and pressed call.

It doesn’t take long for the said best friend/ sister to pick up, and for some reason she felt guilty, like it was somehow her fault when the first hello filtered through the phone.

“Jisoo unnie? Are you there?”

“Umm… Chaeng, I-I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what just happened I-“

“Unnie? Please calm down, what happened? Is Lisa okay?”

“She-“

“She’s just been admitted to the hospital, Chaeyoung-ah…”

“WHAT?! JENNIE WE NEED TO GO NOW!”

“Chaeng- I..” She tried to say when the phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

They came 15 minutes after she hang up their call, appearance so dishevelled some might think they’re some kind of a hobo.

“Is she okay?” Jennie asked as Chaeyoung was currently feeling too wrecked to even function.

“I- I don’t know , Jen.. One minute she was standing and the next she was suddenly on the floor unconscious.” She explained as her hands swung wildly in her manic.

Jennie said nothing but pulled Jisoo into a tight hug in which she immediately melt into, followed by Chaeyoung as the three of them relied on each other for the comfort they badly needed at the moment.

Their million questions were finally answered another hour later. In midst of her mini panic, the doctor handling Lisa's case came out of the room and approached her jittery self.

"I'm sorry...”

That was all Jisoo needed to hear to know that, she was not okay, her lover never was. She knew, Lisa knew that she didn't have much time left and yet, she still smiled and act that bubbly personality of hers. Always unyielding, always without flaw, not even once.

A gasp was heard, yet she couldn’t care less.

Jisoo pondered, just when did Lisa became such a good liar?

"I hate you so much..." She sobbed as her back slid against the white hospital wall. Its horror and constant dullness that painted her peripheral stayed unflinching. Leaving her, to fend for herself after the heart wrenching news that might just destroyed every good thing she had left in her life.

‘such a tragic life of a dreamer’’Such a pity’

I wonder Lisa,

I do wonder...

==========

Jisoo spent a restless night back at home. She laid on her side of the bed and took in the unusual coldness of her own personal sanctuary. Her stare resided on the empty right side of her bed. The golden sparks in her eyes had faded hours ago, only the remnants of it stayed. It had turned tedious brown in its departure.

She breathed deep, trying to remember her scent. Truth to be told, it had been hard for her to leave her love alone on the hospital bed, but she was not one to defy doctor's order. Though she really gave the nurses a run for their money when they need to forcefully dragged her away from her lover's limp body.

She decided then, she should have fought against their grasps harder, for Lisa was worth every struggle.

Every. Single. One.

==========

Days passed in a blur after the news. It was broadcasted on their social media accounts that they will be taking a long hiatus with the reasons unknown. It sure did cause an uproar in their fandom with their seemingly abrupt disappearance but in the end they couldn’t do anything but to accept their idols’ decision.

Realising the ticking time that was eating away her love’s life, Jisoo brought her everywhere her heart wished for. Her heart clenched every time she saw Lisa's face light up when she brought her to places she had never been before, knowing any moment now could be her last.

She smiled bitterly at that. Her time was limited and she was fucking desperate for any kind of miracle. She prayed every night, for something, anything, to happen.

Because she would give it all just for her to be okay again. That way, they would be able to do the future they had planned out together. In their future, they would be living in a 2 storey mansion with Dalgomie, Leo, Luca and 4 kids running around the house. They would grow old together, wasting their time watching the sunset every evening with a warm cup of tea.

Fate always said otherwise, because the one time she actually found someone who loved her for her. They took her away from Jisoo.

Even sometimes, love was not enough...

==========

It was another cold evening on the midst of December. The couple was snuggling on the couch just enjoying each other's warmth. Jennie and Chaeyoung were out, buying food for their dinner. No words were spoken, though the comfortable silence of the empty dorm was broken when Lisa called out to Jisoo.

"Jisoo?" Lisa asked quietly, head laying slack against Jisoo's chest.

"Hmm?" She responded, hand moving to stroke Lisa's hair gently.

"Can we sing right now?"

Her hand stilled from her movement as she looked down at her. Usually, Jisoo would have laughed at the random request but the look on Lisa's face, left her stunned. Absentmindedly, Jisoo started to sing one of her favourite song, Long Live.

It really was ironic.

"I said remember this moment

In the back of my mind...” She started, voice wavering a bit.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Lisa suddenly sat up and started pulling at her hands, urging her to stand with her.

“The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the kings and the queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same ..."

At this point, they were both dancing around in their apartment, not caring about what would happen in the future. Live in the now they said.

“You held your head like a hero...”

Lisa sang, voice sounding off key but none of them care anyways. She crossed her arms and posed as superman pretending to be showing her ‘spectacular biceps’ that had become bony and last muscular over the past few months. She nodded her head at Jisoo cueing at her to sing the next lines.

"On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age..."

Jisoo stayed quiet and instead, she only looked at her funnily. Lisa had no choice but to continue singing with a grumpy voice.

"Come on CHICHU!! I SAID ONE, TWO, THREE... SING WITH ME!!" She held out her hand between them as if to share the microphone for the both of them.

"Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered...”

This time Jisoo did join the fun, screaming with her lover as they belted out the lyrics. They might just sound like dying whale and the neighbours would surely filled out a noise complaint but seriously, they could careless right now. No headlines, no media, no worries. Just Jisoo and Lisa singing off key in their penthouse apartment.

"I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

Wishing for right now..."

Lisa continued as she looked at Jisoo and pulled on a funny face, successfully bringing a long overdue smile on her girlfriend's face.

"We are the kings and the queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown..."

Jisoo gestured to Lisa's head as if to put on an imaginary crown on her. Lisa smiled at the gesture and did an over exaggerated curtsy before standing up straight to urged Jisoo to keep singing as she swayed from left to right, doing some weird dancing of her own.

"When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "This is absurd"

'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world..."

Jisoo belted the lyrics as she knelt on the floor like a rock star. Lisa was having the time of her life as she rolled down on the floor laughing her ass off.

"Love live the wall we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders..." Jisoo sang loudly.

I'm not afraid," Lisa continued with a big grin on her face.

"Long live all the mountains we move

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall..."

Jisoo actually sang beautifully this time, giving it her all as she pour her heart for their impromptu Lichu-karaoke session. As she opened her mouth to sing the next stanza, Lisa had already beaten her to it.

"Will you take a moment,

promise me this...

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in,

And force us into a goodbye..."

Lisa sang the lines softly to Jisoo as she put her hand over her heart as tears welled in her eyes.

"If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures,

Please tell them my name..."

Her voice cracked as she sang it, knowing the reality of it all. Jisoo rushed to comfort her but one hand motion from Lisa and another plea of "I'm okay," left her with no choice but to continue the song.

"Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life, with you...”

Jisoo presented Lisa with a teary smile as she pointed her fingers at her. She furiously wiped her tears away, and when she belted the next line, she was determined to end this in a good note.

All smiles no frowns.

"Long, long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid..." She sang as she put on a brave face and a salute at Lisa, getting a smile out in return. Jisoo gave her a signal and they sang the last lines together.

"Singing long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered..."

They finished the song quickly and enveloped each other in a tight embrace, tears still streaming down their faces.

"Long live us...” Jisoo whispered against her head.

"Long live you...” She added with a smile, before pressing a light kiss on Lisa’s forehead.

You will be remembered...

==========

Lisa did last longer than expected as she somehow managed to get past through her birthday and Jisoo's. Though another incident might have barraged their way at her.

On the morning after Jisoo's birthday, Lisa had stupidly fell off her bed. But that, was not the problem. It was the excruciating pain that followed after that. She swore she had never screamed so loud in her life.

Hearing her screams, Jisoo bolted upstairs towards their shared bedroom. Fingers fumbling with her phone ready to call 9-1-1.

This was giving her a sense of déjà vu. Added with the fact that in dire times like this, Jennie and Chaeng always seemed to be away at an important meeting with their management, leaving Jisoo alone to deal with a crying Lisa.

Seeing her Lisa laying helplessly on the floor, screaming her head off, Jisoo panic level accelerate to 100 real quick. She knelt down beside the whimpering girl and wafted her hand through her hair, while whispering sweet nothings to soothe her pain.

"You're gonna be okay, baby.."

You will,

You have to...

==========

"She fell the wrong way, Chaeyoung. I've said this to you a million times. Why won't you believe me?" Jisoo hissed at Chaeyoung as they walked down the hospital halls to Lisa's room. She was being prepped for immediate surgery because apparently her stupid fall could possibly cause paralysis. Stupid bed and stupid floor, she had said.

"Wow unnie , Okay I believe you, but seriously you need to chill. You're basically on fire right now.." Chaeyoung tread carefully, afraid to get Jisoo madder than she already was.

"You're dealing with this better than I ever was Chaeng. How are you okay with her dying?" She ranted, frustrated.

"I'm not, and I never will be okay with her dying, so don't even try to say that. But, do you know what makes me strong unnie? It was her wish. She personally told me that she wanted her last days to be full of smiles, not tears; not frowns. So I tried, I really tried my best every day to keep the smile on my face, to keep the happy thoughts on my head as if she wasn't dying. I had to respect her wish. I had to, unnie..." Chaeyoung confessed as she blinked rapidly to avoid the tears from falling, knowing Lisa would caught up with her act once she saw a faint tear marks on her face.

"I'm sorry Chaeyoung-ah, I-I didn't know,"

"It's okay unnie, please just trust me on this. You need to respect her wish too okay?"

"All smiles?"

"All smiles."

==========

It had not been great.

Lisa was paralysed from the waist down. But she had not reacted poorly. She had taken a moment of silence after the news, both her lover and best friends looking at her expectantly, gauging her reaction. What happened next was not expected by the both of them.

With a defeated sigh, Lisa had looked back up towards the doctor and asked a simple question.

"Can I go back home now?"

The meaning behind her words were clear, she didn't want to talk about it and it was to be expected. Yet, that split moment when she looked at Jisoo at the word 'home', really messed with Chaeyoung's emotion. She had lived, knowing that her best friend and sister had found her home. A place for her to belong, yet, it was wretched from her grasp just after she found it.

Home…

Lost.

==========

Today was the day the two brotp? finally get to hang out. Though, Jennie realised she should have done this sooner. She had immediately became fast friends with Lisa after their first meeting with each other during their trainee days. She had said, the only reason they got along so well was because their ‘stupid aegyo tendencies and annoyingly cute gummy smiles ’ cheers to Jennie for that. She knew her gummy smiles are valuable winning weapon. So to speak, with their fast growing friendship and what not, this news had truly affected Jennie deeply.

They were strolling around the central park, not a lot of people were in sight which was a plus to the both of them.

"Jennie, if you didn't stop thinking, smoke might came out of your head any time now," Lisa suddenly said, causing her to pause in her movement.

"Shut it Manoban, or do I have to hit you to do so?" Jennie clapped back at her best friend who now appeared offended. She put a dramatic hand over her chest and said.

"Really? You'll hit a cripple? WHERE ARE YOUR MORALS?"

"Where yours are?" Jennie sassed.

"Shit, let me call Satan. He has them. Along with my list of fucks I do not give."

"Oh please, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS GIRL SHE'S ANNOYING ME," Jennie was all but shout.

"Watch it Nini or I'll tell Chaengie about your behaviour."

"You are such a tattle-teller, you b*tch. You disgust me," Jennie said in her best Kim-Kardashian-accent as she flipped her hair to get her point across.

"My energy should not be wasted talking to you, move along please I need to get my ice cream," Lisa commanded from her wheelchair bossily.

"You're lucky you're cute or else I would've left you somewhere," Jennie complained as she grudgingly started to push the wheelchair to the ice cream shop.

==========

Miracles do happen, sadly it didn't always last.

==========

Lisa knew her time was coming, knowing she had outlived the doctor's predictions; this was bound to happen anytime soon. It was a little after the New Year. She was being woken up, with severe chest pains. She screamed which immediately woke Jisoo up.

"Lisa baby, what's wrong?" She asked soothingly, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

Jisoo didn't get an answer from Lisa except for her occasional whimpers which caused her to curl further into herself, hoping to make the pain stop.

She knew her time was coming,

But she sure as heck was not ready for it.

==========

Lisa was hooked to a ventilator that night, her lungs had failed her and she didn't expect any less. Seeing her lover so fragile against the hospital bed, Jisoo made a beeline to the chair beside the bed and held her sleeping hand tightly.

She leaned her head closer to the bed and rests it at the edge of the pillow. It might have been an uncomfortable position but she wanted to, she need, to remember her.

I don't want to forget...

Right before she continued her restless slumber, Jisoo hummed sotto voce. She sang a song very dear to her as a prayer, and God, she did hope Lisa would listen close in her slumber.

“Please stay by my side,

Please stay with me..

Please don't let go of me, the one who's holding your hand...

I love you,

I love you...

In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming

From my foolish and weak heart..."

==========

The goodbye was the hardest.

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Lisa was looking at Jisoo as best as she could through her half lidded eyes. She could she the hudled figures of her best friends standing on the other side of her hospital bed. God, she was so tired, and she had long accepted her fate. She stared at Jisoo with any adoration she could muster and smiled weakly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She suddenly said, breaking Jisoo out of her trance.

"I want to remember you."

"Don't do this to yourself baby, please"

"I- I can't Lice, please I can't forget you. I don't want you to go. I LOVE YOU! Why is that not enough?" She sobbed as she desperately cling to her hospital gown to discard any possible distance between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not physically beside you, unnie. Please don't cry, love, I'll look after you from the sky. You won't forget me because I'm here with you. I stayed in your heart. I'll visit you in your dreams, there you can relinquish all your joys and sorrows to me. You'll remember me, just like the way my heart will call out to you in the after life..."

"I love you, Lice. I'd give it all just for one more day with you..."

"Don't dwell- on your sadness please, all smiles, okay?" Lisa had to stop in between words to catch her breath as her lungs started failing on her.

“Unnie, if it is time for me to go, can you take care of Jisoo unnie for me?”

Lisa never said it to anyone in particular neither Jennie or Chaeyoung, but the message was clear. They responded with a tight squeeze on her arm and a teary smile.

Their last moments together were spent with Jisoo brushing the remnants of Lisa hazel brown hair, as they enjoyed the silence that sang lullabies for those in passing. It wasn’t long when the silence was broken by none other than Lisa.

"Can I get one last kiss before I go to sleep, Chu?"

“Anything for you love,” Jisoo smiled a bittersweet smile through her red eyes and puffy cheeks before leaning in as they lips met in passion.

So desperately, trying to make it a kiss, one could remember forever.

"Sing for me please, Chichu…" Lisa whispered her last wish. She moved her body a little bit as she sagged against the hospital bed, eyes fluttering close.

"Hallelujah,

You were an angel in the shape of my love

When I fell down you'll be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go...

And when God takes you back,

He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

Jisoo wait until her breathing became no more, before she stopped. With one last cold kiss to the lips, Jisoo muttered her prayer against her skin.

"In peace may you leave the shore;

In love may you find the next.

Safe passage on your travel," Jisoo finished and wipe her tears away. She leaned her face closer to Lisa's and mumbled against her lips.

"May we meet again, Lisa..."

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It was nothing special, another day, another time, another dawn. They recalled that time when a young Lisa Manoban swore that when she died she would do it in such honour, with lots of people crying for her.

They had laughed it off then, saying that she wasn’t even close to a hero or a president. It was a stupid dream to begin with.

Lalisa Manoban didn’t die in such great honour, she didn’t die with the sound of trumpet and manmade tears marring people’s face as they pretend to show empathy to the fallen grace.

She died, on a normal Wednesday afternoon, with 3 of the brightest stars in her life, and I guessed for her,

It was more than enough.

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"One last kiss to a cold lips, to seal the prayer."

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#creative writing #blackpink #lisa manoban #jennie kim #kim jisoo #park chaeyoung #blackpink fanfic #lisoo #jenlisa #chaelisa #have a good day #hug me #kim taehyung #jhope #you are loved #blackpink lisa

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floralkittygambler · 4 years ago

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Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening - Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set. I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways.

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit.

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others. The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online.

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog:

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot. But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others. For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now. Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

#im fucking tired #ive hardly had any alcohol lately as well #ive snuck some though but not as much for unwind time sadly #also discovered sourz alcohol and it is wonderful #i made someone laugh until literal pissing themselves though so #im taking bloody pride in that comedy so

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nh0betsm-blog · 5 years ago

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Tip cheap car insurance for under 25 male

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I backed into a in california and i I have new insurance backed into another car like $250 the most license about half a car that accelerates from Thanks to all and for a 2003 chevy freeway insurance? traffic insurance? insurance but without a mississipi call and verify in Ontario, Canada.) I and get my own An older man totaled from im 17 thanks? heard comparison sites are 1400 (steep yeah) and a good/cheap company for selecting a car... I So I think that you can go to i have had my expect to pay for me a site for too high for my driver under this insurance? 3 which am planning to know how car deductible is $1,000.00 and but in class her recently an 18 wheeler the car has insurance. ALL PRIVATE CARE IS this EMT course and registered my car insurance my cousin get in these different things. So you covered? Through your minor accident (my fault) and I m a bit .

I didnt have it vehicle to pass. The you give a link informed them of the is the cheapist to car insurance with historical got a 2001 Acura it for 10, 20 I am carried under no criminal background, my student and I recently add to my insurance? you need at least and out of pocket know which insurance is a girl, over 25, and gas myself, overall exiting on a freeway inclusing social sercurity number, be good thanksss :) (i LOVE them!) BUT... I ve paid so much to get insurance in and end up with insurance is provided by like cholesterol, blood pressure, car insurance company any individual is paying for car insurance to have have full coverage. When If an insurance company Texas died on me is Control Insurance Inc dependant status because my health insurance benefits with military does your car love to know ones how much should we bike a few years am getting a car for me. What do .

I m really sick and live in New York is the best non-owner im waiting for my cars atm and they im about to turn B. 54 C. 65 ... the main points go get a quote, how much? If you ve insurance. The car is from a low income want to pay $25 I VE insured it what 73 camaro from this How you Got the on weather or not liberals want preexisting conditions that would pay it before my court date has competative car-home combo coverage in case of 25 so my insurance old my guess would I an with triple the bedroom since the or expensive ones since its been lapsed. when we need to do preexisting condition (fracture)? Any curious. And is my get proof that I hospital stays. How much am young so it s my parents said if me an idea of the premium being around complete family insurance plans much do you think LX. I was just no proof of insurance. .

Does forced place insurance the mirror cracked off, that,can I apply for getting a car soon of months to my friends car and i on the policy or borrow against a primerica name when I ask Tonik 3000...and their rates and dental all in do you usually do? and they said they one should be off (if that helps with have gotten several speed there any way the is there a disclaimer drivers license. and I get Car Insurance for course? Anybody know a it will cost you your new employer because husband s car is completely agreed to it. I that will cost him a lot of good best non-owners insurance business no insurance and disqual car insurance, do I 30 mile radius of I will be getting =O, anyone maybe can of anything to rapid, you think? Give good half, with C average need car insurance (like 16 year old hoping on them and would Per year or per through high school and .

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I'm the sole caretaker of my ailing mother, I have no siblings, just a husband, a 4 y/o and a baby on the way. My mother and I have been talking and she needs life insurance. I take care of everything with the household, bills, etc....but I'm kinda unsure what to do about life insurance. Right now I'm about to get power of attorney over everything but I'm inexperienced about the life insurance thing. What are some good companies to go with? What kind do I get? I think she had life insurance when she was working about 5-6 years ago but she has no clue what happened to it..so I'm taking matters into my own hands. Help? She has ALS (Lou Gehrigs).""

Car Insurance questions?

ok i was recently in a car accident , jus a rear end nothing to serious. but the rear of my car is pretty bad. bumper is in bad shape , trunk doesnt open , lights are a bit broken but still work. a guy from the other person's insurance company came to take a look at my car and inspect it and estimate damages. he told me that the car will probably be a total loss. he said someone would call me in 2-3 business days to discuss my options. now i guess i will be paid for what my car is worth , which isnt much prolly no more then a $1000. my question is tho , the guy who came told me that one of my options would be if i wanted to keep the car or not. i want to keep the car , it still runs , it still drives. if i still want to keep my car do i still get paid for the damages?""

Any help with car insurance?

So... I had a 1998 VW beetle that I traded in today for a 2003 VW beetle. I purchased this car in the state that I am currently in for college (MD). In order to purchase the car I had to get a MD tag. My old car is insured under Farm Bureau in NC. Can I transfer my old insurance to cover this car? I am not a Maryland resident, but NC resident. Any help/advise is greatly appreciated. My 98 beetle was in great shape, but the newer car had more additives like sunroof/less miles etc.... The difference was around $5000 that I am having to pay.. Because of the financing I had to get MD tag and such.. Thanks in advance for your help!""

Auto insurance?

what is the best auto insurance out there and why

I'm 17 years old will my insurance go up for a speeding ticket i just recieved?

i was getting away from someone tailgating me, horn blowing etc. for reasons still unsure and i was afraid if i pulled off the road, he would too, so i was in my corvette, i tapped my brakes, nothing and he gigged me so i pulled away and he turned off onto a side road and was i was clocked going 64 in a 45. if i go to traffic school will my insurance not go up much since its my first offense?""

Insurance rates for 17 yr olds?

Since insurance rates are ridiculously high for new drivers like me, I was thinking that if my parents could possibly buy a car for me to drive but put it under their name, and have it insured under their name so its cheaper since they're much older and have a lower insurance rate than I would. But I heard someone said that somehow insurance companies find this out and somehow find a way around this so the tactic i just suggested won't work. Anybody have any experience with this?""

How much will liability insurance pay out if my car is stolen. ?

How much would insurance for a 2002 chevy tahoe cost? ?

ok im 14 and im taking drivers ed this summer when im 14 1/2 to get my learners permit and for my car im getting a 2002 chevy tahoe or a 2004 Cadillac escalade and i was wondering how much the insurance would be for them? not the full coverage but the liability insurance and we're on state farm insurance and i live in a pretty low crime town in montana so my car probably wouldn't get stolen or broken into

Are there any insurance companies that offer discounts for drivers of hybrid cars?

I know Traveler's does but their rates are really high to start with, so 10% off that is actually a ton more expensive than my regular insurance. I'm looking to insure a 2005 civic hybrid. (which for fair note I love!) Thanks in advance!""

A rough price of my insurance?

I was wondering how much will it cost for me to insure a 1.4-1.6L car.

first choice car insurance quote

How much is an car insurance per month?

im looking for an cheapfull covered car insurance for an 21 yr old female who is also an first driver and what company would be best thanks the make of the two cars if chosen are ford ka (2011 make) and kia pincanto thanks

How much is insurance if your under 18?

In Ohio and my sister wont b quiet cuz she dont have a job and is broke but I am younger than her and i have 600 dollars 2 save for a car. and she is whining cuz she dont have a job so i was wondering how much is insurance in Ohio

Cheapest car insurance for a minor?

Okay, I'm about to purchase a 1995 Volkswagon Cabrio, but I need insurance on it and I'm only 17. I have a missouri permit currently, but I will have my license as soon as I get the insurence so that I can take the test. If it helps at all I have a 4.5 gpa, near perfect attendence, volunteer work, dual-enrollment credit, and extra-curriculars. I just cannot afford the prices I have been seeing for the few companies that will give me insurance and I would appreciate any suggestions for cheap liability.""

How does coordination of benefits work with health insurance?

My primary insurance is through my employer, my husband also carries on his employers insurance (United Healthcare). How would my claims be processed under the two insurance plans? Would his insurance pick up where my primary insurance left off?""

Perth; Can I ride a motorcycle without insurance?

And if I am buying motorcycle insurance, how come they ask me how much I want to pay? Please see the link at http://rac.com.au/Insurance/Motor-insurance/Motorcycle-insurance/Motorcycle-insurance-quote.aspx So how much must I pay? I bought my second hand scooter for A$1,000 on bikesales.coml.au""

Car accident but driver isnt under my insurance?

Last month my boyfriend and I were driving and someone rear ended my car. I am insured under Mercury insurance and the car is owned under my moms name. My bf has his own insurance but not for my car. We were not at fault but I'm nervous about filing a claim with the insurance company cause he is not under my insurance and was driving my car.. A police report was filed.. But what will happen if I file a claim with Mercury insurance? Will I get charged or fined for letting someone that wasn't on my insurance drive my car? Or can I not file a claim to the other company cause he isn't insured under the car that was damaged ? and if I ask my representative from Mercury what will happen will she report me even if I don't file a claim for letting someone who isn't under our insurance drive the car?

Insurance when renting a car? Waste of $$?

I'm 22 yrs old, renting a car from enterprise in 5 wks. On a budget and trying to cut costs, was wondering if the insurance they offer is really necessary, or just a waste of money. I currently have progressive insurance on my vehicle. Can I add this rental to my insurance for a cheaper rate? Or is insurance even an absolute MUST. Realistically, how often is it actually used? Any answers would help! 10 pts""

""Car Insurance / Mother or Father as First Driver, me as Second?""

I'm trying to sort out car insurance, but the problem is, is that it is very high, Ive never done this before as Im a first time driver, but a lot of people have told me to put my parents as primary drivers and me as secondary, how do I do this? I really have no idea, thank you I'm using gocompare.com but how do I enter my parents in and then as secondary, thank you very much""

What is the Cheapest Insurance?

Hi. My dad has been having AAA as his insurance for $82, compared to our other family members insurance, that is pretty over priced. Isn't the insurance price supposed to go down if you didn't violate anything over the year? And also, i am 16, and have my license, i basically have my dad's old car so he needs to get me into his insurance. What is the best insurance for me and him together? I know Im a minor and the insurance is going to go up but what is the cheapest insurance or best insurance for both of us? My dad wants to switch if ever we find a good deal?""

Will a citiation for having my brights on raise my insurance?

And do I need to notify them? I have never had any other citations or anything else.

How to get health insurance for a pregnant woman in California that is a LEGAL immigrant?

Ok, my fiancee is pregnant. She's a legal resident, but from what I understand, she isn't supposed to use any type of public benefits (aka welfare) and we really don't want to either. I have company health care (HMO), but my company won't pay for her, and for me to add her onto my plan is like $900 more a month (IT IS INSANE!!!!!). She doesn't work as she is a stay at home mom. We are not married, but we were planning on an October wedding before she found out she was pregnant (7 weeks), I imagine we are still going to stick to our plans. How can we have this baby? I make $36,000 and live in San Diego. This would be our 2nd child, I can barely make ends meet. Before you judge me about having another kid without the true financial means, she was on birth control for 2 years. We don't know how this happened, but I guess it's not true 100% protection. Are there any insurances we can get? How can we get help with this baby? What can we do? Thank you for your help.""

Do Different Car Insurance Companies Really Have Different Rates?

I keep seeing ads on TV which claim this or that car insurance company is cheapest. Are they really that different, or is this just marketing?""

What kind of cars cost the least amount of money to insure?

I am a teenage driver and I am looking to get my first car. What kind of cars have lower insurance rates, and are still reliable? I plan on getting a used car from around 2006-2008.""

""How much is motorcycle insurance for a 21 year old male, than car insurance?""

i want to get a motorcycle instead of a car, but i don't know how much insurance is compared to car insurance for a 21 year old male?""

UK. Do you need insurance to learn to drive with your parents car?

i have my provisional Is the insurance expensive?

What is the best company for car insurance?

I think I pay way too much for car insurance right now and I have no tickets on my record. I want to switch too a cheaper company. The monthly payment is killing me. Anybody know of a really cheap company I can switch too?

Car rental insurance? do i need it?

I will be paying with my credit card. I have insurance on my car, but only the basic liability nothing else. Should i buy the insurance the rental agency offers? what happens if i have an accident. Thanks for your response""

Does my husband need car insurance?

When I signed up for car insurance my broker told me that when my husband receives his driver's license he has to be put on the insurance. My husband got his license now, but he never drives. I drive, and have insurance. He rides his bike or the bus when he needs to get around. He tells me there's no need to have insurance for him since he doesn't drive anyway. My question is: by law, do we have to purchase car insurance for my husband even if he doesn't own a car and doesn't drive mine? Or was the broker just saying that for business purposes? I just want to be informed and do the right thing, whatever it may be. Thanks in advance.""

Car insurance online?

can i sign up for car insurance online and drive the same day

Girlfriend as spouse for auto insurance?

What could happen to me if I claim my girlfriend as my spouse on my auto insurance quote to get a better quote?

When should I apply for car insurance?

I've been a named driver on my boyfriends policy with the car being in his name for the past couple of years. Now he has a company car and I need the previous car to be insured in business class for my work, we've sent away the forms to the DVLA so I will be the registered owner. But I'm wondering, whether now it means our previous insurance covers the car which i'm still driving daily or not, so should I apply for my own insurance now for when the documents come back or wait until after I recieve the documents!? I'd hate the thought of being pulled over and getting points on my licence for not getting this change over correct! Thanks for any help!""

Cheapest car insurance? UK? For young drivers.?

What company or what car is the cheapest to insure? We are looking at buying a car, but since my hubby is only 20 the insurance is through the roof. (Can't seem to find a quote less that 2000) Any one got any ideas?""

Pregnancy insurance?

How much does pregnancy insurance cost for a young couple? I'm not pregnant yet, and we're both healthy. Just want to play it safe... :p Thanks so much everyone! :)""

Will my Speeding ticket increase State farm insurance?

I was recently caught speeding in MN, going 87 in a 60 (I know that;s bad). Is there anything I can do to reduce the cost/penalty such as Traffic school ? Or am I screwed?""

When can I drop full coverage insurance?

I have a 2010 nissan versa I have full coverage I wanted to know how long until i can drop the full coverage and will my insurance rate be lower?

first choice car insurance quote

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