#Understanding change
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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"We've all got to be fighting that fight every day."
Happy Pride, everyone...
#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#reasons to be cheerful#some people hold up a rainbow flag. David Tennant turns himself into one.#David and Michael are both tremendous LGBTQ+ allies#but i think they understand that pain on a personal level#love seeing him become so much more comfortable in his own skin#and we can see the change in him on the inside and outside#let people be who they are#happy pride month indeed#<3
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when i was a kid i wanted to be a famous youtuber like dan and phil so that people would gay ship me with my irl best friend and we would be sooo weirded out by it and laugh and make videos joking about it but secretly it would make her realize her repressed gay crush on me and i'd help her through her gay crisis and then we would have a sickeningly sweet sappy romance and read fanfiction about ourselves together... anyways just found out she's married to a guy in the mafia now so i probably don't have a chance
#dan and phil fanfiction changed me#come into my lady door#and teen me saw that and went “i need to be that so fuckan bad”#i wanted to be dan but now that im a mature adult i understand that phil is better. phil guy 5ever nowadays#do i tag this as dan and phil. i still dont know tumblr site tagging norms and im like a year in now#dan and phil#dnp#phan
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Everyone loves FNAF music man.. even Michael
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#michael afton#dj music man#security breach#fnaf pizzeria simulator#MICHEAL GETS another W in the pizzaplex!!#I love doing these comics where Vanessa shows Michael around#updates him on everything new in Freddy’s#usually it’s changes he’s not really into#BUT THIS ONE HE IS#Finally the unsung hero of MUSIC MAN is here#he got all the clout#Everyone understands what Michael liked about him now 💜#Think DJ remembers Michael too he knows#also this is so wild but first time seeing Michael’s bag dead on PFF#bag reveal ✨
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The second you start talking about some mysterious "they" that are controlling society in some fashion, you are engaging in dangerous conspiratorial thinking even if you're being woke about it. "They" did not institute the 40 hour work week specifically so you would be too tired to revolt. "They" did not invent the sleek minimalist aesthetic in order to crush the spirit of art in the common people. "They" are not pushing mediocre media into the mainstream in order to poison people's critical thinking skills.
Your best case scenario after that is you talk to someone who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about and you get embarrassed because you can't answer basic questions about your own ideology because you never learned anything past "the ruling class/capitalists/politicians are making things bad and if we got rid of them the bad things would all go away!"
Your worst case scenario is obviously the woo-to-fascist pipeline and you end up believing Jews are poisoning American food supplies with GMOs in order to turn us all into beta cucks, so like . . . maybe just stop blaming "them" before you fall down that route.
Obligatory round of disclaimers: Yes, sometimes people do bad things. Be specific about exactly who is doing what instead of ascribing it to some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, sometimes things in society are bad. Learn to identify the root causes of complex social issues instead of assuming that they're actually extremely simple to fix and we're just not doing it because of some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, minimalism isn't for everyone. Learn that some people don't share your tastes and get the fuck over it for the love of god.
#surprise! this was actually just my way of complaining that that 'classical tutor' post is going around again#complaining about the degeneracy of modern society because our cars aren't colorful enough or whatever#what if i told you that sometimes societal tastes and customs change naturally over time#and not because of targeted interference from vague groups of shadowy elites#anyway! be specific in your words and actually work to understand the underlying causes of things#and above all else understand that sometimes people just like things that you don't like#and that's not a conspiracy. it's not even hard to understand. like come on people#skepticism umbrella
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how i feel about all the changes in s3
#listen i understand complaints and feeling disappointed but y’all gotta remember there’s always the og campaign#there were questionable choices definetly but being negative about it on the internet just does disservice to all the good stuff#it ain’t perfect i miss the group kill but i’m honestly blaming steaming’s whole ‘every season must be the same length’ model#like this season really could’ve used an extra 3 episodes but alas! they made it as solid as possible for tv in that time!#tlovm#critical role#the legend of vox machina#tlovm season 3#also kiki resurrecting percy near and dear to my heart but also the vax percy bond and getting to see more of percy’s torment mmmm#also the cr cast are clearly having fun with it so its not like some foreign entity is committing sacrilege when they change stuff!
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yes, doctors suck, but also "the medical ethics and patient interaction training doctors receive reinforces ableism" and "the hyper competitive medical school application process roots out the poor, the disabled, and those who would diversify the field" and "anti-establishment sentiment gets applications rejected and promotions requests denied, weeding out the doctors on our side" and "the gruesome nature of the job and the complete lack of mental health support for medical practitioners breeds apathy towards patients" and "insurance companies often define treatment solely on a cost-analysis basis" and "doctors take on such overwhelming student loan debt they have no choice but to pursue high paying jobs at the expense of their morals" are all also true
none of this absolves doctors of the truly horrendous things they say and do to patients, but it's important to acknowledge that rather than every doctor being coincidentally a bad person, there is something specific about this field and career path that gives rise to such high prevalence of ableist attitudes
and I WILL elaborate happily
#theres so much that contributes to this#and its such a traditional field that any change takes ten years to take effect even when its not as controversial as disability rights#ive no lost love for doctors as a whole#but the deeper causes here need to be examined to understand how this problem manifested and what can be done to fix it#disability#chronic illness#ableism#premed#medicine#salt baby talks
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Company Mandated Fancy Fits on the Tulpar 😏
Also had to include the REAL star of the show (and a bonus)
Based off of this and this. Thank you very much joetastic for being inspirational 👍
The REAL reason this is late
#just pretend I posted this like 6 days ago 😁👍#<-got distracted#sorry I’m Afflicted with The Curse and everything just takes me a long time#also right now I’m just kind of being experimental with my workflow and style right now so stuff is just naturally taking a bit longer#mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#nurse anya#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing curly#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#myart#anyway my new years resolution is to put more WOMEN in SUITS and MEN in DRESSES#had fun drawing this but still not too sure about the rendering style just yet. probably just gonna keep playing around with shit#IM DOING IT SCARED but im DOING IT#im also still trying to figure out how to Social Media#am i doing it right#GRAAAHHHHHHH I NEED TO BETTER UNDERSTAND FORMATTING POSTS#i have a more serious mouthwashing piece in the works but wanted to get this done first lol#honestly I have a buncha sketches I should post too#i like them but they’re not really composited very well if you catch my drift. been having trouble with sketch page layout recently#which is kind of antithetical to the idea of a sketch page but you know how it is with spaghetti#i doodled the others on the side and liked how they looked so i just put some color and basic shading on them#edit: realized i forgot to change the color of the ‘lapel’ on jims shirt lol
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Ok but when they parallel this scene with Viktor as machine herald looking at jayce’s broken human body and realizing that he too would do anything in his power to save him, what then?
#arcane#arcane season 2#jayvik#jayce talis#viktor arcane#viktor#arcane spoilers#league of legends#machine herald#even if it meant going against his wishes#even if it meant changing him from the man he first fell in love with#Viktor understanding why Jayce did what he did; that even if Jayce hates him he will be alive to hate him#realizing Jayce felt that way about him#the desperation of a man in love no matter the consequences#they’ll be enemies but they will Not be in a grave and that hate too is also love#anyways
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@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you
edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally
#dashboard#staff#tumblr update#comic#art#doodles#costco ceo about the price of a hot dog.png#i refuse to believe this is a real problem that site owners think people have#frankly i refuse to believe people had this issue with deviantart before eclipse#i am sorry you have to put about 15 minutes of effort into understanding a new website. feel better soon#my main blog doesn't have it yet but i logged into here to make this post and. i have it#this is fucking terrible. it would ahve been really really funny for april fools day but not as a permanent change#i hate it a Lot. i hate it so fucking much. oh . my god.#edit - guys i amnot actually sending de*th threats to staff it's the costco hot dog meme
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恵 ; "blessing"
12/22: consider this piece my love letter to a character who has become so near and dear to me and who has inspired so much of my artistic growth this past year <3 happy birthday megumi, your name becomes you ⊹ ࣪ ˖
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#when i tell u i worked on this piece for 7 days for 12hrs/day i am not exaggerating#i wanted to pull out all the stops i wanted this to be a full showcase of my skills#i was worried abt the angle bc birdseye/lookdown angles r always tricky and looking at it a month later i think i wld change some stuff but#overall i'm just so satisfied the background the flowers the colours#which btw the flowers KILLED me the rosary KILLED me his entire hand and sleeve area had me like why did i do this#but it was worth it it's all for him everything is for him id do ANYTHINg fr him do u understand me do. do you. do u understaND#if all i can offer him in tribute is art then u best bet i'm not gna cut corners#if that means hand rendering each individual turquoise vein and jade bead and paper fold then that's what i'll do#hbd again megumi u truly have become my muse <3
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friendship is magic
closeups:
#zeno's art#my little pony#my litte pony friendship is magic#mlp#mlp fim#twilight sparkle#rainbow dash#fluttershy#pinkie pie#applejack#rarity#this was a fun redesign practice#tried to be diverse with body type and species as the og show is pretty limited (i understand why tho)#my personal favorites are rainbow dash and rarity#and twilight. i cooked tbh#i feel like a lot of redesigns just add accessories which is fine but i really wanted to change a lot#some more than others#also dashie is a half zebra and pegasus and fluttershy is half pegasus half those little bug ponies that showed up in one ep#pinkie is a sheep#i might do equestria girl designs and slash or some background pony redesigns#idk#enough ramble
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No because, Art is a mediocre tennis player with 6 grand slams who knows that at some level he has only got them because Tashi has pushed him and coached him to that level of excellence. At the same time he feels responsible for living a career for both of them while knowing that if Patrick hadn't fucked things up he wouldn't have ever achieved what he did.Patrick has oodles of talent but has to deal with the fact that despite winning Tashi fairly he lost her due to his pride. You know he's thinking that 'if she was my coach I would have double the number of grand slams that Art does'. But if Tashi hadn't had that injury that day would either of them even have had the chance to have her as their coach? No. Both he and Art would have faded into mediocrity but probably remained friends despite it all. And don't get me started on Tashi. She knows that if it wasn't for her injury she would have probably won 15 grand slams by now and would never have considered stopping but she's reduced to just being the wife! Just being the coach! Just being content with being a hot girl who will be won by the guy who plays the best tennis!! And she has to somehow make herself feel okay with that. So no. She can't genuinely be okay with Art stopping but at the end of the day it's not her decision to make because he's the professional tennis player not her. It's not just about one of them winning or the sacrifice it takes. It's about disappointment, bitterness, the underlying inferiority complex, being manipulative enough to achieve your goals through different means and the inherent homoeroticism of having a best friend from the age of 12 who is the only one worth beating for you after playing 13 years of tennis. Anyway I'm chewing on glass rn. Challengers you'll always be famous
#challengers#challengers spoilers#tashi duncan#art donaldson#patrick zweig#no you don't understand#it's very very dear to me#it's about the disappointments and loss!#it's about the discomfort of the choices you've made#it's about the underlying bitterness and jealousy#the love that was there but didn't change anything because the only thing that matters is winning
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I don't think it's talked about enough how truly buck wild our level/speed of communication is. We didn't have this 100 years ago! And even then it's only been in the last 20-30 we really embraced technology and our global stage.
Our communities are still experiencing huge upheavals around this and we don't acknowledge it because of all the benefits being wired in brings. You can find jobs and resources and entertainment, sure, but you also have to have accounts here, here and here to access healthcare or a rent portal or TV.
On one end we have an elderly class that is overwhelmed. They learned complex systems already! Taxes, licensing, registration. They know where the offices are - right down the street. Why the change? "Because this site simplifies it." Does it? Does it really? Is it really more simple when someone has to have reliable access to a computer, the wherewithal to make/check an email, and the ability to navigate ten different sites to access the one they want? Why can't they go meet their doctor in person when that's the way it's been since they were children? Why did they learn to make eye contact and shake hands if not for this?
On the other, we have a younger generation that has been tasked with absorbing a huge amount of information since day one. Their brains have to work differently because the tools given to them are different than the ones older generations received. Of course they can find a primary care physician. The site operates like the one they were forced to learn in high school to turn in assignments! And why should they know how to do taxes or balance a checkbook? They were tasked with learning how to navigate the internet - they know where the information is. In a sea of "right now" demands and "this shouldn't take long because you can Google it" assignments, they have to be selective in what takes their attention.
We are currently between a time of "trust the process" and "immediately." So many people feel unheard or ignored because of this. The elderly feel isolated, helpless, and stonewalled. The youth feel anxious, mocked, and bullied.
The world changed and it happened invisibly.
#caffeine chatter#and there are people from different age groups all over this spectrum#they have to help their parents and struggle to understand their kids#i made this into absolutes#but it's really a spectrum of change that's influenced by economic and geographic factors
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princess tutu: die jahreszeiten 🌸
kind of a companion piece to my 2022 ptutu drawing | it's on inprnt
this print was at anime north; next con is otakuthon!
oops so my hand slipped and i made another princess tutu drawing. i admittedly don't watch that much anime so my catalogue of work is gonna be the same 5 animes LMAO. what can i say, i love "dark" fairy tales, and i've been really enjoying the more fine art approach to a lot of my drawings as of late (and the watercolour brush i've been using has been so perfect for that...!)
as my first princess tutu drawing is now 2 years old, there are some areas i've grown to have ... qualms with... although both drawings as a whole are pretty much exactly what i envisioned, and that's always satisfying!
both of these were drawn in roughly a week's time (yes really...) for con crunch period (and i went back to this drawing after the con to touch up some areas that were a bit rough!). i wanted a different approach to this new pt drawing, with the focus on the line work, rather than on colours and lighting in the 2022 drawing.
this drawing had 2 goals: to continue the style i adopted in my witch hat atelier "lantern bearers" drawing (which i promise i'll post in full soon as soon as all of the zine artists get their go-ahead to post their pieces!), and to emulate the art nouveau movement's heavy emphasis on line work, albeit not a 1:1 style replication of course.
the seasons also aren't a 1:1 representation, as i didn't necessarily pick flowers or colours that are most strongly associated with the season (e.g. summer being a dark tone is a bold choice?). but it's kinda whatever, as i said before i drew this in a week, there may be more appropriate flowers with better meanings. i couldn't spend too too much time drafting and researching.
FLOWER SYMBOLISM:
- spring: apple blossoms, tulips - the apple blossom is a quintessential spring flower, and thus symbolize the arrival of spring. spring is a season of change, which ahiru/princess tutu is a force of, instigating change in her friends and unravelling the story around her. the flowers below her are tulips, and there are many meanings to tulips depending on the colour, due to their ubiquitous nature. i narrowed on one, and intended for them to symbolize happiness. princess tutu's pose is one in which that is open, inviting, and warm - reflecting her nurturing nature in the series, and her willingness to help others achieve happiness.
- summer: deadly nightshade flower, yellow rose - i chose for rue/princess kraehe to symbolize a fiery summer's night instead of the typical dazzling heat of a summer's day, a rather bold and unusual choice. the warmth of sunshine didn't quite fit, as the character is quite dramatic and passionate, with her intentions often hidden in shadow. next, the deadly nightshade - atropa belladonna - has a lot of mythological associations, a lot to do with poisoning, as the flower is toxic. the flowers bloom at night (another reason why i picked a nighttime backdrop for "summer") and also outwardly match rue's dark design scheme, as the cherry on top. yellow roses, at the bottom of her frame, are the archetypal flower depicting jealousy (as with many yellow flowers are), and at one point in the story, rue only wished for her own happiness at the misfortune of others.
- autumn: douglas fir needles, orange calla lily - autumn is another season of change - although much more tumultuous, as this season is traditionally taken to prepare for a long winter ahead - fitting for fakir as the role of the storyteller. the douglas fir is not a flower of course, but is a tree - with many different parts of this tree offering many benefits in advance of the winter season. i wanted the versatile nature of the douglas fir to reflect on fakir's dependable personality. next up, the calla lily is a flower with a dual meaning - on one hand you have life, on the other you have death. a storyteller quite literally can grant both at the tip of their fingers.
- winter: birch tree, snowdrop - winter is a rather still and unchanging season, a lull in the passage of time. this symbolizes mytho's passive nature at the start of the series, especially with his doleful pose here, as if almost in hibernation. to contrast, mytho is perched on the branches of a birch tree, which means new beginnings and renewal - as mytho is one of the characters that undergo the most change throughout the series (i'd argue the most?), regaining pieces of his heart. under mytho's frame is the snowdrop flower - and if you've read my witch hat atelier: seasons piece symbolisms, one of the snowdrop's meanings is rebirth, with connotations to the bible, bringing hope, when all had forsaken eve. the snowdrop is one of the first flowers to bloom even when the snow has not yet fully melted, further echoing mytho as an analogy for rebirth.
#princess tutu#ptutu#ahiru#fakir#mytho#rue (princess tutu)#fakir (princess tutu)#mytho (princess tutu)#ahiru (princess tutu)#my art#im not much of a painter but painting the curtains was kinda fun... got lost in the sauce every single time i tackled that area#so i think i understand why people paint now#im free from con deadlines for a little while so i might try my hand at oc stuff...#and i want to get better at my sketch/doodle style too bc admittedly it takes way too long to draw anything and i want to change that#which is why ive been doing the lineless style for sticker sheets and keeping them pretty basic and rough!! im happy with em#i only know how to 'complete' drawings really so . lot of sketching ahead this summer hopefully..#artists on tumblr#illustration
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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