#UMMM IDK. im glad i finally posted this

[krynutsreal]

my hand slipped a bit

no freaking way.... ishimondo sky au real....

ummm this took an embarrassingly long amount of time (79 hours altogether </3) so u will. look at them!!!!! If u don't know what sky au is or want 2 learn more about these sillies then I will be rambling about them rn (with extra doodles) !! lucky you :]

Kry, what is sky au ??

To put it simply, it's a (mostly) ishimondo centric au where Mondo guards over the sun, while Taka guards over the moon. Together they keep Earth in balance. Other planets (excluding Earth for now) are guarded by a being similar to Mondo and taka (aka the hopes peak students are now guardians too). They all each have their own ways of making sure that their planet/moon/etc are rotating correctly and orbiting around the sun n such !! (It's a work in progress so pls bear with me </3)

The Earth, in this case is not guarded by anyone in particular. Which gives the beings an opportunity to basically go down there and explore or just go through shenanigans pretty much. So long as they don't burn the whole planet down and are able to blend in with humans down there they're able to do whatever they please 👍

now to get some sorta like. random facts about Mondo n taka (plus the piece itself) out of the way cause !!!! the post is about them SO

Mondo: Sun guardian ☀️

Does not have a specific routine when doing his job. Usually goes with his gut feeling and continues on from there.

With that in mind, he tends to travel to earth very often to mess around n' have fun. He doesn't doesn't go out of his way to cause destruction (at least not on purpose)

But, he is more feared than liked by most of the mortals there. That does not stop him from roaming around the Earth though!

His halo can emit the brightest light that could honestly blind a regular human, but for the space beings it does not have much of an effect on em.

MF TOOK THE LONGEST TIME (42 hrs) !!! BC OF HIS HAIR. and the halo. shakes him crumples him up

Kiyotaka: Moon guardian 🌙

Unlike Mondo, Taka actually does have a routine that he carefully and thoughtfully planned out to make sure that everything goes smoothly with things regarding the moon (phases, rotations, yk)

Only goes down to Earth for educational purposes, he wants to learn more about how the moon directly affects the Earth (as well as other things about mortals and nature in general)

Does come off as intimidating to mortals, but it is mostly unintentional and therefore he doesn't hang around them much.

Is able to make little star projections with his hands and uses this to make his plans/write down stuff (good example is making that flower projection in [this] comic.)

he was the one I drew first !!! [37 hrs] (hence why he took less time then mondo) I lov his cape. umm also crumples him up

AND THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW. IF UR READING THIS THEN THANK U FOR UMM READING THE RAMBLES. I GIFT U THESE.

BYEEE!!!!!! collapses onto the floor .

[supermaks]

sorry if this is weird but i literally love everything u have to say u are always so introspective about things and always right btw but like i just love everything u have to say like! i microdose ur kit speaks + ask tags esp when i have a long day bc ur posts always make me think and take me away from my agonies lol… anyway it was like how today official announcement of daniel coming back HOME! and while every normie was putting in their evil 2 cents about daniel coming back i was in my own world n just kept thinking abt one of ur maxiel posts abt how daniel leaving was essential to max winning his wdcs and how theyre like scales.. winning/losing, leaving/staying. like wow… yes. and how while these past few years were rough on daniel it was always needed. so daniel can make his way back. so the scales can finally even out and maybe be in both their favours… anyway idk where i was going with this but thank u always for the insight!!! ur brain is humungous and it makes my own brain go on its own jog

Omfg this is kinda unexpected ion even know what to say I’m djdkdmdkfk ummm thank you and im glad u find some value in the insane stuff I post ily. The scales can even out ……..

[gavinsmg24]

My poor babygirl. I hope you know that in all my worry and posts and prys for love n silly I’m never upset or mad. Or pushing. I’m still just leaving you things for when you come back. And I know you’ve been having a rough time. It makes me smile that you think of me even when you can’t be here. That’s sweet hehe. But don’t let it get you too down! I’ll still be here. Promise! 🙈

I hope you can get settled soon. I want my poor baby to be Able to take a long sleep. A hot bath and a yummy meal. Id prepare it all if I could!

Princess. Like. I’m so proud. I never knew how things would turn out. And I’m not happy that this is how it turned out. But I’m only glad that once the situation became bad or too much you found a way away. Moving in with steff. Makes me smile. I feel like she’ll be good. Or at least a neutral roommate. I’m happy you got all your stuff moved or what you could anyway. Gosh doing so much stuff in such short time. Grr. God he’s such a jerk. I know the stuff he’s possessing probably isn’t even his

That doorknob part made me smile. Like. It makes me happy you did something to get at him. Go my H! 🥳

It sounds like you’ve been busy. Which I figured since you’ve been gone and also like. You said that lost time hehe. I’m just. So proud princess. I know you probably feel exhausted and annoyed and maybe getting to a dark place but. Hey! I’m here! And you’re making me proud! You’re efforts aren’t unseen! And I hope here soon you give yourself some absolute lounge time! Of course doing things makes you happy too but! On an off day. Sweats n baggy shirt. Make some breaky. Watch some shows and snack. Hit the bong. Play some games. Maybe go on a drive. Watch a movie take a nap. Eat out! Idk! Just! You deserve to fill all the fun meters back up! I wish I could spoil you rotten. I’d take you to dinner and do everything I just said with you. Massages too to ease the soreness

I’ve been good! Just been working and hanging with the bois as usual. Idk what I’ve done or what I’ve said. The fights I know I said and you responded to that. Made me smile that you enjoyed my emotions 🙈 hehe

Anyways. I might have said but I applied to culvers. I’ve applied to a variety of jobs. Mainly ones close just so I could pick up some hours. Idk if you’ve been there or know what that is. I’ve been there like once and don’t even know the food so. We’ll see. I have a 2nd interview Friday. Just a part time job to make extra money

Ummm. Starfield came out on game pass. A new Bethesda game. It’s basically skyrim in space. Pretty neat. Id play it for you or watch you play :+)

And finally! It makes me smile and I know that Im silly and say things like I wonder if you think of me. And it’s selfish but also when I say it I dont mean it over everything else like. You know that but. Of course id rather you not think about me at all and be able to focus on you so you can get to a less stressful state. Mwah. I’m here and thinking of you but don’t worry about me as much. I’ll be here. And I’ll be okay :0) honk! Eskimo kiss

You’re sweet! But thank you🙈 and again. Don’t be sorry! And I’m happy to be able to give you any kind of support. I do support and love you and I will always acknowledge your efforts and existence. What you do isn’t for nothing or no one. Even if it’s silly. I’m rooting for you. And I’m proud when you do your best and succeed 💜🧡

You couldn’t be more real in my eyes. I wish you could be even more real in front of me hehe 😖

Eee you reposted my post 🤭 I thought the same thing!! Which makes me smile bcuz I thought it was silly. I saw it and I literally was like. Oh my gosh. That’s her. That’s me. And 🥺 she’s hugging my face :,+) I need u 🙈 sorry! Ah! Rawr!

Anyways. Finally responding. It sounds like your still busy. So please. Take your time. I’ll be here whenever you have time or want to be here. Much love. Take care of yourself! remember. WWJD

What would J do! Mwah mwah mwah (head, eskimo, kiss)

[transmasc-slykinnie]

It's not often anymore cause a lot have already been rooted out but why are some dmmd adult fans so fucking

Weird.

/nbh

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[1-800-seo]

domestic dad!kook

hi everyone I thought I’d post my crap here so here is my domestic dad!kook Drabble list thing?

involves: pregnancy, established relationship/marriage, kissing, hickies?, general tomfoolery, nothing major, dad!jungkook,

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* those damned blue lines

* you thought you wouldn’t see them so soon

* after all you had only been married eighteen months

* old relatives have been asking since day 1 when they’re gonna he seeing some lil jeons running around smh aunty karen

* you wondered how he would react

* he’d never shown any adverse reaction to children before but he was practically still a child himself

* the spiderman onesie you washed yesterday attests to that

* you decided to tell him at dinner

* he’d just had his first bite of tagliatelle when you accidentally blurted it out

* “IM PREGNANT”

* “what?” he replied snapping his head up with wide doe eyes

* “I-I found out this morning...I’m definitely pregnant. I know it’s soon, but we can make this work.”

* “What’re you on about? This is amazing baby, I finally get to be a dad!”

* “So you want this?”

* “Definitely, I’ve always imagined a family with you, it was just a matter of time. I’m so happy though baby, over the moon.”

* The smile on his face was beaming and the twinkle in his eye sparkled, he looked the epitome of happiness

* “I’m glad you want this then, it’ll be a wild ride but I’m glad it’s with you.”

* you reach out and squeeze his hand, as a fat tear of joy rolls down your cheek

* “I’m glad too, I know we’re young but it feels so right, so right with you.”

* he looks down, a tear dripping onto the table

* he wipes a few more and giggles

* “Tbh im surprised this didn’t happen earlier considering we go at it like rabbits”

* “KOOK” you cant help but laugh

* He is right lol

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One month 🍼

* “Where is my wife and my spawn~~~~~~”

* Jeongguk loudly sang as he burst thru the front door, arriving home from work

* “Wym spawn???“ You say as he pulls you into a bear hug and flops both of you on the couch

* “You know,, spawn, this baby, it’s my spawn hence why I’m calling it spawn like the superhero,, duh”

* he drops his hands down to your stomach and rest them their, flat palmed

* bowing his head so he is closer he says

* “I can’t wait to meet you Spawnie”

* Immediately you burst into a fit of laughter at the outrageous name

* “we CANNOT nickname our baby SPAWN, JEONGGUK”

* “Why not I think it’s well cool”

* he calmly replies proud smirk on his face

* “Is Spawn even a good guy?”

* “ummm”

* “wym ummm??”

* “well he’s kind of ambiguous in the comics”

* “OH GREAT WE HAVE A BABY NAMED SPAWN THAT IS OF AMBIGUOUS MORALITY”

* at that comment you both fell about laughing, your sides beginning to hurt at it all

* and that was how your unborn baby was nicknamed Spawn

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Three Months 🍼

* “I can’t push the trolley, I’m pregnant”

* you said matter of factly

* “oh you’re just being lazy,, I mean I’m not saying I won’t push the trolley, but you’re really pushing the boat out, baby”

* “hehehe my plan worked, you fool, you may have suspected me, however you still fell right into my trap muhahahaha”

* you dramatically laugh and put your hands on your hips like a comical villain

* so anyways you skrt skrt around the shop

* and right next to the book section is you know what

* the BABY SECTION

* so far you actually haven’t looked their yet because you don’t know the gender

* but curiosity brings you snooping in the aisles

* Jeongguk returns from the bakery section, carrying croissants and hair swept into a messy top knot

* you stare at the many many many racks of children’s clothes

* tiny baby booties

* hats that kook could only fit on his fist

* so so smol baby-grows

* “ngl I’m kinda overwhelmed”

* “how come?”

* he puts his hands round your waist and rests his head on your shoulders

* big soft comfy back hug

* “idk it’s a lot of responsibility, right? I can’t even begin to think about names never mind washing, clothing, feeding this tiny human being when it arrives”

* “baby, you have nothing to worry about, and I am positive you’re going to be the best most caring mother ever, and I have full trust in that.”

* He places a soft chaste kiss on the top of your head

* “thank you for always supporting me ggukie”

* “It’s my pleasure; we’re going to have the best baby ever, aren’t we Spawnie”

* You roll your eyes and kiss his cheek

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—————————————————

Four Months 🍼

* you were sat on the couch in your small apartment, small but sufficient

* Jungkook was painting the spare room and deconstructing old furniture you were selling on eBay

* You’re job was to arrange the business dealings and to look for new kid-appropriate furniture to reoccupy the spaces now blank

* It was fine by you

* saves you from getting up off the couch and getting all sweaty

* after a good few hours JK came out from the room, sweat on his brow and hungry

* hungry for something else tho 👀

* he stalks over to where you are sitting and kneels on the floor in front of your knees

* he rests his head on your lap, arms folded underneath it

* his eyes were dark, full of want

* “How’s it going baby? You tired?”

* “hmmm”

* he just stares back

* brows slightly furrowed

* soon enough he was peppering your face in warm kisses

* he flipped you over and sat you on his lap, hands resting on your waist

* his lips latched onto your neck and he sucked a flourish of purple and blue flowers under your jaw

* his lips were warm and supple on your skin

* it sent a shiver down your spine and goosebumps to your skin

* you found the hem of his black T-shirt and slid your hands under the fray

* you’re hands met the toned muscle of his stomach and the soft honey skin

* “looks like I can’t knock you up since someone already has, oh well, more fun for me”

* his hands fiddled with the fabric of your top

* you obliged and pulled it over your head

* you were met with his mouth hungrily crashing into yours as he searched for more and soon enough you were underneath him

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Six Months 🍼

* your belly was fairly noticeable by now and you couldn’t avoid the fact that you were pregnant

* people were starting to let you sit instead of them in public places

* you were getting more and more randos asking to touch your belly as well which wasn’t the greatest

* JK is always in protective dad mode™️ when this happens

* he’s ready to protect his babies

* one time when a sketchy looking old man asked to touch your belly JK immediately stood in between you and the guy

* he puffed out his chest and was hella macho

* Alpha Jungkook arises hehe

* ever since then he was more aware that people would be looking at you and more interested in you in general

* anyways

* he’s hella excited to be a dad

* his excitement is so pure and genuine it’s so sweet

* it’s like every day he gets more excited and you think by the full 9 months he’ll just be so excited he’ll be vibrating like a washing machine lol

* every night he kisses you and your baby good night

* “Night night baby jeon spawnie”

* without fail it makes you giggle

* his lil nose always brushes against your skin when he says it and it’s ticklish and comforting

* you can’t wait to meet your baby to see which of you they look like and in what ways

* will they have your double lidded eyes or his unique nose

* will they have his bunny teeth or your short stature

* either way they’ll be the most loved being in this world

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Seven Months 🍼

* it was time for the long awaited gender reveal

* you and him had decided that you would go alone to the appointment since he had work and then you would surprise Ggukie when he gets back

* you decided the way you would tell him was by dressing in either blue or pink

* you know you know,, not really breaking gender stereotypes, but it gets the idea over

* so that’s what you do

* you wear you’re best maternity day dress and do your makeup all güd

* it’s 5:30pm and he’s so excited to know

* he barges thru the door and basically and sprints to you

* he’s met with a baby blue clad wife, her hair adorned with a periwinkle ribbon

* immediately he knows and swoops you up into a bear hug

* “Jungkook? We’re going to have a little baby boy!”

* “I’m so happy! I feel like I’ve drank five red bulls,, we’re going to have a boy”

* When you pull away from the hug his cheeks have tears dripping down them and his eyes are wet

* “aww baby why’re you crying?”

* “because I’m just so happy, I can’t wait to see him, he’s going to be perfect, we’ll all be perfect”

* “you’re right kook, we’ll be perfect”

* “You don’t know how much I love you, you know?”

* that was when you started crying tears of happiness too

* youd remember this moment forever

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Eight Months 🍼

* “I think it’s time to think of some actual names”

* “yeahhh people at work keep thinking I’m actually calling the baby Spawnie and then I keep having to explain why it’s called Spawn and i don’t particularly like explaining that Spawn is a play on sperm and that’s my sperm”

* “What goes ON at your work”

* “you don’t even wanna know babygirl”

* “ummm so I was thinking, something familial, i don’t want a western name tho so that rules out my side,, unless you want to call him Barry”

* “uhh no thanks babes”

* “yeahh they’d sound like the flash lol”

* “I don’t want none of that DC propaganda in my household thanks”

* “tru tru”

* “so what about your side of family? Can you think of any family who have named you like?”

* “What about Junseok? My great uncle is called Junseok and I think that’s cool, also it kinda looks like a combination of Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung’s names.”

* “Wow they’d love that, that’s a good idea actually.”

* “Jeon Junseok, has a good ring to it”

* “I agree”

* “It’s settled then until further notice”

* “It seems it is Mr Jeon”

—————————————————ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

—————————————————

First Week Home 🍼

* The moment Junseok was in his little sunset coloured crib you burst into tears of relief

* you’d obviously been stressing post birth about the intricacies and once you’d got him home and settled it was like a weight of your shoulders

* he was home

* he was safe

* and you were both over the moon

* he had the smallest nose and the biggest doe eyes

* his dark hair swept across his delicate skin on his forehead

* you just knew he’d be the spitting image of his dad

* each following day with Junseok was amazing

* he was good for you

* slept so well

* settled into routine easily

* it’s as if you never had to worry

* and Jungkook was a life saver

* he was such an attentive father and husband

* always caring for you and Junseok

* every morning he’d bring you up a cup of herbal tea and bowl of granola

* and go check on the baby and if he’s awake change and feed him

* his paternity leave was a blessing

* it meant you actually got a lie in instead of Junseok waking you up

* “I can do the baby this morning, it’s ok”

* you say sitting up in bed

* “no no I’ll do it I’m used to getting up at this time for work anyway”

* “but you’ve been doing it all this week I feel bad”

* “Baby, rest, I want to do this, you deserve a rest after carrying the baby for nine months, I’m sure I can take care of him for a few mornings”

* then he gave u a sweet kiss and left to see his baby boy

—————————————————ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

—————————————————

Eighteen Months 🍼

* you pulled on Junseok’s tiny yellow wellies as Jungkook put on his coat

* “where are we going seokie?”

* “P-p-p” Junseok tried his best to get out the letters

* “Yayyy we’re going to the park”

* “Me and your mum are going to meet uncle Jimin too, and you know what that means? You’re going to get spoileddd”

* “V tru, but why does he always spoil him? I mean it’s not a problem he gets free things and stuff, but do you reckon he’s compensating for something?”

* “Yeah as nice as it is I think he might be compensating for not being around as often as he’d like to, solo career going strong as all, you know how he loves kids, in his head he probably thinks he’s an absent uncle but in reality he’s ever present just away for an odd weekend, which is normal”

* “yeah I get that”

* “But it’ll be nice to see him anyway, we can ask him about his new single”

* “Oh I’ve heard that it’s pretty good”

* Junseok pulled at the hem of your coat, indicating he wants to leave

* So off you went

* the day was filled with jumping in muddy puddles and Jimin nearly falling in said puddles

* Junseok got all dirty so you had to go find a bathroom to clean him up at

* hence why you ended up at an ice cream parlour in winter

* despite the cold weather you enjoyed the ice cream nonetheless

* JK teases Jimin a few times because apparently Jimin’s white blond hair was vanilla ice cream and his was chocolate

* Jimin insisted his was bingsu however JK refused

* Junseok had a great time fluffing up uncle Jimin’s hair after that

* and so the day drew to an end

* you headed home

* Seokie sleeping in the car all the way there

* you gently took him into the house and the pair of you collapsed on the couch and immediately fell asleep

* it was the cutest thing

* and when you woke up you saw your two boys asleep so soundly

* and you thought to yourself how content with your life you were

* how lucky you were

* how much you love those boys

* and you’d do anything for them

—————————————————ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

—————————————————

The End hehehe :)

[threeletterslife]

chANA Brevity lowkey scared me at the end when it was revealed Hoseok was a psychopath hfjsjfkgk >:O he had me fooled most of the time too oopsies- n e ways rip your posting schedule- your Halloween-esque fics are now being posted in December and the Christmas-y fics like A Not So Fugly Christmas and Love Waits for Tomorrow is planned for.. well aFter January :,) I bet past Chana and all her efforts in planning the timing is very sads right now hdjkfk but also I have a kind of basic question (1)

(2) who is your bias in BTS, and what are your favorite songs from them :O and how long have you been writing ? Also I finally looked at your blog from a laptop and dAng it's so different from mobile,, it's bLUE :O ~🌻

AHAHA omfg i’m so glad hoseok was THAT charming! that was my ultimate goal when writing the story so it makes me happy to know he lowkey had you fooled O.o

aHHH also IK. im so sad 😭😭😭i rlly thought i could post every week like??? what was i thinking?? now all my icky/grotesque halloween fics are bleeding into thanksgiving and christmas 🤨🤨

a not so fugly christmas and love waits for tomorrow will have to be posted for 2021 christmas i guess 😳😳(because im not about to post a mf holiday fic in the middle of february or whatever)

and omg i’ve been having a bias crisis for the longest time :/ i was ot7 for several months too. but i think like now.... idk i think my bias is yoongi 👁👄👁it’s either yoongi or namjoon or hoseok. i don’t know which. and it changes depending on my mood 🤡🤡i rlly simp for rapline huh 😵😵

favorite bangtan songs??? oh shit that’s hard. ummm i love heartbeat. and i KNOW it’s a mf ost for their game thingy so they're prob never gonna perform it live... but like man. that song is fcking beautiful and i get so inspired every time it plays. i’m a sucker for dream glow and ugh! and outro tear too. but if we’re counting collab songs, my favorites are eight, winter flower and who (i literally LIVE for lauv omf). my ultimate favorite song (like all-time favorite) is actually eight too. honestly, i think i like yoongi so much because i’m really fond of his music (mixtapes AND collabs). and i just love namjoon’s sort of mellow, thoughtful, ruminative music style too (his whole mf mono album is my safe place). also imo no one can beat hoseok’s versatility, aesthetic and flow 🤩🤩

ooh also i’ve been writing for umm i think like 12 years now? but i’ve been writing ff for three spotty years LOL!

LMAO ig my blog rlly said all you see is blue huh 😳

aNYWAYS, thank you for these fun questions!! i didn’t think they were basic lol. they’re fun to answer especially since my answers change so often!! 

[okyio-archive]

                                                HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Hey guys !!! I just wanted to do a little smt smt for y’all (I know it’s like just a doodle (of either u/icon/oc) but I wanted to do smt ?? I can’t make cc / have time to make a grand ol edit so aksdjhf) to show how thankful I am for everyone I’ve met + how I appreciate you guys sm for being super supportive + loving. I didn’t have much time cause I’m going on vacation ( still need to pack haha) + I won’t have access to my game/laptop during the holidays so today was the only free time I had asdjfh. If I had more time, I would have drawn all of you guys buT know that i love each and every one of you because you have made a positive impact in my life and I’m super grateful to have y’all. You matter so much to me and I wish I could give everyone a good ol hug!!! ily + please take care !!

But here’s some ol cheesy ass stuff below (drawings are from l -> r):

@grapfruit :: hONESTLY i dont even need to say anything cause you know how much i love you okay?!?! idk why you stuck w/ me for so long like i’m not even that good of a friend?? like ur super social butterfly + im like a slow fucker at replying but u still stuck w/ me umMM?? legit the v first time u msged me about being from HK i legit fangirled b/c i loved ur sims + style sm and you’re one of the v first frds on here that i really clicked?? like it’s rare for me (even IRL) for me to find ppl im fine w/ but ilysm and i love how we’re super chill tgt + have v similar interests (i mEAN food is #1 priority lets be honest) but I only wish you the best w/ everything in life + i legit care about u sm that i practically adopted u as my sister ok yeah hopefully i can find time to meet up w/ u buT for now ily than ks

@ridgeport :: !!!! margarITA IS2G you’re the best at everything: cc making, story telling, editing okAY you’re the perfect package + i want to thank you for taking the time in doing this + being such a huge part of the community??? i legit can’t imagine this community w/o u?? so thank you for being here + blessing us every day. i hOPE you have a great life cause you deserve everything ok ilysm please have a safe holiday !!!

@chocolat-souffle :: okAY I LOVE HOW WE CLICK SM + we can rant about shit + be open about it + we relate to each other sm?? like our opinions, fashion sense, life in general, food etc?? i’m so thankful that we met on here cause it feels like we would be vvvv good frds if we met irl :’+) ilysm and thNANK YOU again for being so patient w/ me + my slow replies i hope you’re having fun on vacay !!! ilysm okAY

@catplot :: !!!!!! yES U SEE THAT PIXEL THING ON THE CORNER, IT’S OUR FAVOURITE THING AHAHAH bUT I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE MAGICALLY FOUND EACH OTHER I S2G IT’S FAITH !!! yOURE 100X BETTER ARTIST THAN ME oKAY and I’m wishing the best okA i hope work isn’t too stressful + youre spending a gol ol jolly time w/ ur loved ones ilysm an d i hope we  can continue drawing di!Ck$ tgt for a v long time ily

@meisiu :: i hope you’re doing well w/ ur finals :’+) !! i can’t believe we have sm in common (animal crossing, bujo, sims, canto culture????) like i legit would lOVE to spend more time getting to know you but i just want to rave bout how sweet you are + your builds always amazes me?? i love them sm + once your finals are done, i hope you’ll spend a good time w/ ur loved ones :’+) !! tysm for posting your content everyday !! ily

@whiite-tea :: !!! you’ve been my legit #1 cheerleader since like the beginning. legit you msg me on the daily to make sure + check up if im okay + i’m really thankful for that??! you’re always here supporting me + others + put others first before yourself adsfj yoURE TOO KIND LOVE OKAY?1 remember youre loved + i hope school’s not too stressful :+( !! ilysm !!

@1tens :: yEAH OKAY JES LIKE ILY?? I WANT TO GET TO KNOW U BETTER BUT I KNOW WE’LL BE COOL FRIENDS CAUSE UR SO SWEET + I LOVE UR STYLE SM ??! LIKE U MAKE THE CUTESTS SIMS EVER + UR STYLE + EDITS ARE TO DIE FOR!!!! and you take the time out of your day to comment on like everyone’s post + you’re adorbs okay? im only wishing you the best + tysm for supporting love ilYSM :’+)))

@twikkii :: i drew nissi if you’re okay w/ that :’+) !! but i s2g you’re the cutest ever and my heart is always thinking about you okay?! you make the cutest edits + gameplay pics ever i legit get so excited whenever you post. you’re so sweet + kinda to others & i’m always wishing that you’re doing okay !! ilysm + i’m so thankful i met you- you really taught me things + i appreciate you sm kjadhf have a good holiday love :’+)

@dnasz :: okay honestly everything you post is so cute + aesthetically pleasing?! your builds are amazing (like wanna teach me lOL??! i legit jaw dropped when u post ur most recent ones) + you’re super sweet + kind to others. everyday i look forward in seeing you post cause i know it’ll be amazing :’+) i hope you’ll have a great holiday love !!! 

@simsao :: the fact that you match colours so well is inspiring. I’ve always struggled w/ colours + your posts are so unique that it has challenged me to step from my comfort zone + try to explore + play around w/ it more?! so thank you sm for posting + i love your aliens uGH!! your edits are super unique like idk how else to describe them but i love them sm. + your self sim ones atm are my fav omg we legit have sm in common akjsdhf bUT thank you sm for posting + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

@smubuh :: ABBY!!! okAY i’ve raved about you before but you’re such a sweetheart and a person I really do aspire. You’re kind, hardworking and have a beautiful mind + soul. I rarely look up to anyone but I can safely say you’re one of them !! Thank you for bringing so much to the community - you’ve taught us so much (esp when you have a super busy schedule). I hope you have a great holiday w/ your loved ones + your family :”+) ily !!!

@4fig :: !! i hope you’re doing well w/ ur exams love !! i know i’ve told you so many times but you’re one of the few reasons why i joined this community - your edits are legit my aesthetic ?! every time you post i’m always in aw because you create the most beautiful sims + your editing style is one of my favs. i honestly would love to get to know you better once you’re done w/ everything but you’re really kind + sweet + i only wish you the very best :’+) have a great holiday love !!

@faeflowr :: yeah your edits are my fav okYA?! scratch that EVERYTHING you post is beautiful :’+) your sims, gameplay, edits - they’re all amazing + I love them sm. bUT most importantly you’re so pretty iRl omg?! if i had to choose who’s my fav simblr posts are itll be you cause i love everything you do + your aesthetic is legit exactly what i love aksjdhf ily !! i hope you have a great holiday :+)

@ughplumb :: yEAH ILL FOREVER CALL U UNFPLUMB CAUSE YOU’RE FKING BEAUTIUL I SWEAR U CAN BE A MODEL OK idk why you aren’t like ?? i love how you make ur sims cause i can never make good sims like yours - they’re all beautiful just like you ;’+) aND im excited for you to post but take your time okay ?!? tysm for being here + ily !!! i hope you have a great holiday !!

@mooon-sims :: yeah who do i go to when i need a lookbook?? your styles the best ? i love your new editing style + im so glad youre still here :’+) i know it gets tough esp w/ collage apps + school but im so proud of you okay?1 you’re a strong fighter + im glad you still pull through in posting !!! ily + remember to keep doing you okay?! have a great holiday love :’+)

@blarffy :: !!! okAY YEAH EVERYTHING YOU DO IS PERFECTION AND LIKE EVERY1 CAN BACK ME UP HECK U HAVE LIKE 128736 SPOUCES LINING UP OUTSIDE THE CHAPEL RN bUT thank you sm for posting ?! i know we dont talk that often but youre super sweet (maybe it’s a canadian thing?!? LOOL jokES) but i would love to get to know you better cause youre fking bomb?! thank you for blessing us w/ ur content + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

@pink-tea :: okAY I MISS YOU AND YOUR POSTS !!! i swear youre so sweet + i love your aesthetic so much ajksdhf buT youre still here always supporting me despite having a super busy life so i thank you for that !! i’m always here supporting you + waiting till you post cause i miss them sm :’+((( i hope youre doing well regardless + remember i always love u !! have a great holiday love!!

@liltofu :: !!! i love lov elove your aesthetic + sims + style so much?! every time you post i get really excited cause you never disappoint? i’m always so jealous of your editing style cause it’s legit my fav thing ever alskdfj + i use like 99% of your recolours cause u pick out the best things to recolour?! bUT i hope youre doing well !! ily + have a great holiday love :’+)

@dust-bubbles :: awh man you’re always here spreading love + i swear youre my lil sunshine :’+) thank you for taking the time out of your day for sendin me love?! like i always smile when you do + i appreciate your unconditional support sm !! i’m wishing you the very best in life cause you deserve it ?! ily + i hope you have a wonderful holiday :’+) 

@nolan-sims :: i just want to say thank you so much for the ongoing love + support you give + show to the community. not only are you super sweet + caring but you take the time out of your day in making cc for us?! so thank you for being part of this community - i really appreciate you sm + i only wish good things happen to you + everyone around you :’+) ily + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones !!

@ayoshi :: okAY you’re the sweetest little bean ever + your fashion sense is amazing okay ?! i have ALL your cc downloaded so thank you sm for being part of this community + blessing us w/ ur bomb ass cc + edits :’+) i appreciate sm the time + dedication you take out of your day to make stuff for us !! im only wishing you good things + i hope you’ll have a great holiday !!

@obi-uhie :: i WISH I COULD ROCK YOUR CONFIDENCE OKAY ?! you legit inspire me sm + i love how unique your sims are okAY?! keep doing you + i love everything you do :’+) i hope youre having a great holiday love !!

@suspiciouslypinklady :: !! youre so sweet + i love your confidence?! i’m super thankful for the love + support you always give whenever things get tough + i appreciate it sm. it makes things a lot easier + you’re seriously such an angel. i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones b/c u deserve the v best !!

@viiavi :: okay i just want to say thank you sm for the love + support you give whenever shit hits the fan LOL your kind words + msgs really help me a lot whenver things aren’t the best so I thank you for that. thank you for being so kind, thoughtful + caring to everyone in this community :’+) i really appreciate that sm + i hope you keep doing that !! i hope you have a great holiday !!

@dicoatl :: i swear youre always so kind to others ?! im so sorry you’ve been getting so much negativity these days but i know you’re a super strong person who’s doing their very best + im super proud of you okay!! ive been loving your new edits recently + it really shows youre experimenting a lot + it looks amazing :’+) so thank you for being here okay? have a great holiday !!!

@oakglow :: catherine !! your editing + story telling is amazing?! i mean i can’t write for shit LOL but i love it whenver your post esp knowing you’re busy w/ life. so thank you for that :’+) i hope you + your loved ones a great holiday !! 

@simmerjade :: jADE I MISS YOU !!! I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL !! you’re one of the v first friends i made here in this community + ik youre super busy rn w/ life but im so glad we’ve met ?! i hope life’s treating you v well + youre not too stressed out from school - i know you can do it :’+) im always here supporting you whatever you do + remember ilysm !!! have a great holiday love !!

@waffle-pxels :: i know we dont talk that often but the times we do youre so kind ?! tysm for being here + supporting me :’+) i really appreciate u sm + i hope youre doing well !! have a great holiday love !!

@simharaa :: i MISS YOU SM OKAY aND I S2G I HOPE YOURE OKAY !! again my heart goes out to you + your family but please take care okay?! you’ve been here since day 1 + i’m super glad we’ve met cause the times we’ve talked i truely treasured sm :’+) i’m loving your edits + im so glad youre back posting again !! i hope you + ur fam a speedy recovery + remember ily !! youre a strong bean !!

@simsluname :: lunA!!! your gifs are amazing + i love how we grew tgt in this community ?? i remember we both started off together + been supporting each other since the v beginning when we joined this community :’+) thank you for being here + blessing us w/ ur gameplay pics + teaching us how to gif ?? like w/o you i wouldn’t have learned ajksdfh so thank you for that & ilysm you’re so cute !!! have a great holiday love !!

@alternacorn-sims :: you’ve been a long time supporter and i’m super thankful for you?! you’re always here liking my stuff + sending positive vibes + love :’+) i hope youre doing well !! please keep doing you + remember that i appreciate you sm :’+) tysm for being here + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones!!

@expressgo :: thank you for being so patient w/ me ?!! i’m a super slow replier but we manage to be able to talk + i’m so glad we do?! thank you for reaching out to me at the beginning + i really enjoy talking to you:’+) youre super sweet + we can talk about like everything ?? your cats are adobs + i wish you the best + happy holidays :’+) ily !!

@hazelios :: i seriously have all your cc downloaded in my folder + i appreciate it sm whenever you post content + cc for the community :’+) so thank you for that !! you’re always super kind + sweet whenever we talk and i only wish you the very best !! ily + i hope you have a great holiday !!

@simsthatsparkle :: !!! you’ve been like one of my og supporters for a v long time and i’m super thankful for you being here?! i can’t imagine the love + support i get + idk how else to express my appreciation asjkdfh i only hope you the best + ily !! i hope you have a wonderful holiday love :’+)

@femmesim :: okay you’re a hUGE inspiration to everyone in this community + i’m so thankful that youre here?! your edits + story telling is breath taking + it hits me all the time when you post ?! so thank you sm for creating bomb ass content + telling stories that aren’t often told. please keep doing you!!! i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

[neurodivergentchaosking]

Loving someone with NPD

It fucking sucks! I have bpd and if i was completely untreated, i would have been narcissist chow...more than i already was.

I have pretty decent intuition but it took a long time for me to actually follow it. I met (lets call her Mary) before i listened to it and created a huge blindspot that took me 6 years to fix.

We both arrived on Okinawa Island 24 hours a part, we shared a name and a birthday ( naturally my dumb ass was like OMG SOULMATE- after i stopped hating her). when i first met her, i hated her. I knew she was two-faced and i said so to her face. Few drunken weekends set that unfortunate Trauma bond in place. 

I felt so special. She's two-faced and cruel to everyone but ME. my BPD ate that shit up. she even told me that she thought i was the category of “bimbo friend” until she got to know me.....and i actually took that as a compliment and mentally lorded it over her bimbo friends. it was a disaster.                           love-bomb, cruelty, rinse, repeat.

We were just friends at first, she thought she was straight, and i thought i was a girl- neither are true. We kissed once in a drunken haze and it was absolutely terrible, so it really never happened again. you know justgirlythings. 

I was quite notorious (just because im built like a coke bottle and was put into the marine barracks and you know how boot lickers be) on the island because the Navy is just high-school 2.0. Mary never had my back through it all, she stayed friends with the people who started it and she ditched me all the time at her convenience . I was only on the island for 6 months, and right when i almost cut things off with Mary, i left on an expedited transfer (another tragic story for another tragic time). We stayed in contact via snapchat but honestly we didnt talk much.

Her bf was a bit of a loser and she was planning to leave him while planning their life together...look at that, another red flag that i took as a compliment because she left him for ME. fuck im so needy #narcissistchow. 

I made a joke about her living with me, and she just went full throttle with that shit. So we got an apartment together, twas the beginning of the end and i fucking KNEW IT. i felt it in my gut and i remember thinking...but she’s so mean sometimes... like whyyyyyy dont i just listen to me???? ug anyways

Right before we got the apartment she released my cat into the urban wilderness and he was GONE, presumed dead. Quinn, my beautiful fur-baby, a 13 lb maincoone, fucking HATED HER, and he only hated dicks. so yeah she got rid of him and blamed it on my husband (my life is complex okay). we were obviously not doing great and i didn't think about it too hard until later (even though he has never left the door open, like ever).

It started out so much fun! the adventures and stories that we created together were amazing. she made me feel like it would be like this forever. Bit short-lived.  she would insult, demean, and play fucked up mind games. Luckily for me she didn't get to feed of my pain the way she wanted because i don't exibxit vulnerable emotions (working on that), despite them eating away at me. 

Her toxicity mirrored the way i was treated as a child, so i did what i did as a child. i shut down. I stopped therapy because i was masking too hard for it be helpful. i stopped my medications because idk if they're working because I'm so disconnected. My ocd tendencies that i got rid of as a child came back. Im never not high on MJ (still am because i don't want to FEEL)

And you know why i stayed? because she made me feel special, and wanted, and even more so needed. She is so fucking insecure and i was a constant source of validation and love. we had conversations and conversations about how we were meant for one another and the future we would create together. We even talked about the children we would raise together. we talked about how it was weird that we didn't want to fuck each-other (she looks like an incest muppet lmao) but we were in a beautiful (toxic*) polyamorous asexual relationship.

i was def not perfect in the relationship. i would do so much petty shit (like i did as a child). she would make me feel shitty about something, so i would show off one of my many talents that also was one of her many insecurities. hell, i would fuck up her hair ON PURPOSE. She had this insanely long blue hair that ended in a short red Karen cut lmao i am such a fucking asshole lmao. no regerts

but like also lets not forget the times she literally threatened to murder me....just saying. i may have been a dick, but she DESERVED it.

She kept treating me like shit and i did the non-traditional BPD thing and started setting boundaries for myself. like when she starts being a jerk, just walk away. just leave. also make her jelly with something to feel better lol.obvi that made her MEANER. so i took her out to eat and told her that she was treating me like absolute shit and it needed to sop...she starts bawling...making up shit about how her anxiety this and that and she's not gonna stop being a cunt so shel just move out.

idk why i even tried after that lunch but like whatever. i even sold her my car at a discount price - but now she has the perma reminder lol. i tried. she kept changing the date of her leaving, she just got meaner, and what FINALLY made things click. was she started ditching me and lying about it ( i may have tested it out and made her confess to it without her knowing- she is incredibly stupid). that was the one thing. the one thing i told myself if someone does that to me again, im done. so heyyy at least i stuck to my boundary even though i almost talked myself out of it. so i simply stopped talking to her. for WEEKS. she tried to start conversation, i ended them. she insulted me and i would flip it on her. i was DONE and she knew it. so our 6 year relationship literally ended by me in person ghosting her.

Finally the lease was up and that kinda forced her stupid ass into moving, however. she like half left and half left her stuff. but she left ferret shit fucking everywhere. on the deck, in the closet, smooshed into carpet, random bits of poo strewn about the room. shes fucking Nasty. i cleaned up the ferret poops with her clothes that was left behing...and i rubbed it on EVERYTHING including her dishes. i broke a couple items (some on accident even). stole a bunch of stuff...even a dead mans gift...yeah im PETTY... but i stacked all of her shit at the enterence of the apartment.

Time for pickup! she allotted herself 1.5 hours to pack everything and go to her new apartment that is 45 plus mins away. she comes in- overly exaggerates on thanking me for stacking her shit by the entrance. i immediately ask for the keys ...says okay but then “got distracted”, we did that 3 times till she finally gave me the keys... then i told her about the ferret poo and she claimed that she was gonna clean it today...BITCH IT TOOK ME OVER 3 HOURS FOR THE POOP CLEANUP ALONE...so yeah fuck her.

later that day i hang out with my new friend, lets call her Anna, who is on Marys snapchat- while Mary was putting her stuff in storage (something she swore shed never do) she was saying how pissed she is and how horribly i am for stacking her shit at the entrance. glad to see she's as two-faced as ever.

POST BREAKUP DRAMA:

1) she tried to get rid of everything i gave her but she cant unbuy my car lmao.

2) she got stranded in Texas because she ran out of gas....even though the car tells you how many miles it has before it runs out...like i said, she incredibly stupid 

3) she tried to slither in my life by sending a pic via snap to Anna and then said “oops my finger slipped” ummm its snapchat and thats not how it works stupid ( and this is one of her go to ploys so like lol why?) it was also a pic of a boot that she gave me but its ugly so i gave it back. idk what her whole plan was but it backfire because Anna just blocked her.

4) Quinn came back <3

5) i am obsessed and cant seem to stop stalking her so now imma try just being crazy in blog form to see if my needy bpd self can CHILL. cuz ug i just want to stab her...like 37 times...in the face (it would be an improvement)

[warstvrm]

kk guys finally finished it! imma make dax, caleb and the waitress later. notes are under the cut cause its gonna be a long post lol

amelia

faceclaim is the beautiful kelsey merritt

she’s not really that popular compared to her friends

posts pictures of her friends and her life.

that white dress is the one she wears in the first chapter

loves posting pics of her laughing or smiling cause she wants to be subtly seen as a cool girl lmao

cares a lot kinda about the aesthetic unless she’s too lazy

btw guys, i didn’t feel like asking my mom if her bio is correct and ik that its mostly magandang umaga used but our family adds an ang so??? correct me

poppy

faceclaim is kelly gale (idk if she’s too white tho)

semi popular

has tons of ootd posts

doesn’t have that many pics of her friends lol

loves color on her posts

also loves to posts pics of her wearing Indian inspired prints

yooo kelly is so pretty omg

the type of person who intimidates you in social media but it sweet in real life

grayson

faceclaim is armie hammer (ummm he was gonna be superman and people want him to be green lantern so !!!)

most popular and the least to use his instagram

honestly amelia is prob the one who runs it most of the time

she also captions the pics bc if he does it he’ll write an essay about the picture like me

mainly posts official pictures of him, work related, or magazine pics. sometimes quotes.

amelia took a selfie of herself and put it there

his followers either knew that she worked there or thought she was a girlfriend. despite being bombarded with questions, he still keeps it

the last pic is of The Grand

so much fans that want to marry him 

grayson: woah, im glad so many people are passionate about Prescott Industries! and in a good way! maybe it must be our hard work that makes them like us!!   amelia,: gee, that’s definitely it looks at the camera likes she on the office

kenji

faceclaim is sota fukushi. I also think ryan potter looks like him and i used an app to combine them and idk what to think honestly

semi popular

this boi is probably one of the ‘rich kids of northbridge’ don’t even lie

he gets most of his followers that way

sometimes posts weird vague quotes with weird vague captions that leave people confused

his caption for the quote above is 🏋🏽‍♀️

lol we know who he’s talking about

him and amelia are competitive af about their super hero aliases

posts pics of homemade food and The Grand

kenji: whats do u mean whats my aesthetic? i have to match colors??? what are u talking about,,,,

what do u expect from a boy who wears red and yellow

thats it! how do u guys feel about ben barnes (I was lazy mk) for caleb, carmen santacruz for the mysterious girl, and jordan samuels for dax? sorry if all the fonts and colors look different each picture. oh before I forget, this is what the mashup looks like!!

[roseloverbi]

tagged by @wolfhalls bc she’s an absolute doll and actually remembers me as a human being and not a concept (which is more than i can do at times lol)

nickname: bri, queue, quinn, quincy but i never heard any of them until i moved to indiana/a new school (and obviously when i started asking to be called quincy when i was younger bc of Feelings of Unsafety/Anxiety)

star sign: pisces! i’ll cry anywhere anytime bitch just u watch me

height: 5′7″! 

time right now: 7:15pm and im honestly getting kinda hungry (edit: i left to have dinner, take a shower, walk the dog, forgot about this until 9:36 and it’s now 9:58 as i publish this)

favorite music artist: hozier and red velvet are the ones im listening to the most now

song stuck in your head: uhhh the twilight princess’ Great Fairy Fountain Theme? it’s like, the same song in all the games but just slightly different and i Love it

last tv show you watched: ummm? i think the walking dead last sunday? i’ve been playing new vegas instead of watching tv this past week tbh

what are you wearing right now? work clothes! green shorts and a pink and white striped shirt (aka things i don’t care about getting ruined)

what do you post? like. original posts? usually venting but now that that’s moved to twitter so mostly longer rants and blurbs that wouldn’t fit there

do you have any other blogs/saved URLs? um i still have wishingformagics that i wanted to make an aesthetic blog with years ago that didn’t really work bc i kept forgetting about it lmao. there’s also aroegbert that was an anime blog that i never really used either and seputussemper which is the successful aesthetic blog (aka i actually use it) 

why did you choose your URL? it was from a gay merman anime! im pretty sure the artist made it when she was still in school and it’s super pretty? the main character has an anxiety attack and repeats ‘though im loved’ until he gets through it so

do you get asks regularly? lmao nah but i hate the idea of getting ANY so im glad for it. that and i never see the notifications for them so they just sit there for ages? im sorry if you send me asks lol

Hogwarts House: slytherin! idk what i got first as a kid when i took the quizzes but it was Never slytherin omg i would just retake it until i got that bc..... i had a hUGE crush on draco throughout middle school and thought i needed to be in the same house as him pls don’t drag me

Pokémon Team: um!! cute and pink is ideal but i never have a cohesive team tbh. i really like haunter, mienshao, jigglypuff, murkrow, pumpkaboo, and delcatty!

favourite colour:  pink! i especially like rose gold 

average hours of sleep: um 5-6 during Regular Sleeping hours but i nap all the time so a helluva lot more

favourite characters: omg what a hard question.. im gonna answer this and immediately change my mind after posting it. the first that come to mind are d.va (overwatch), magnus (taz), hanzo (overwatch), michonne (twd), poison ivy (dc), niles/zero (fe: fates), cassim (magi), tao (noblesse)

how many blankets do you sleep with?: just one but sometimes two! i don’t bother with sheets tho bc they just end up at my feet

following: 53 right now! there’s quite a few that are practically inactive but i can’t unfollow them bc i wanna Know when they finally return lmao

uhhh i tag @seafucker @ashsoka @miladydewinter and anyone else who wants to do it? i always blank on this bit but i love seeing these posts so you can def just say i tagged you!

[im-no-jedi]

ok alright here we go here’s my super duper long ramble/fangirling post about S2 Voltron (SPOILERS APLENTY HERE) (MOBILE USERS BEWARE)

I’m gonna start off by saying that I would like to personally thank each and every single person who works on this show because OMG it is so. freaking. GOOD. especially the animation like???? let me hug everyone at Studio Mir please they are the BEST. and the music continues to be #On Point and exactly my type of music, please Dreamworks release a season two soundtrack PLEASE. also the pacing seemed better this time around?? season one felt SO rushed, like I blinked and it was over, but this season felt really well paced and not rushed at all, hallelujah \o/

ok now on to more specific things

I’m gonna sort my thoughts via each character cause that’s gonna be the easiest thing to do I think, also writing out my feelings for each episode would take much longer tbh

Shiro: UMMM. MY POOR BABY???? the season starts out with him already wounded and then proceeds to have him get attacked and thrown around by a bunch of alien beasts like???? can you not?????? making Shiro suffer is a running theme in this show and I DON’T WIKE IT. he suffered less from PTSD this time around tho, which I appreciated. he just suffered more physically instead hahahaha LET HIM REST FOR GOSH SAKES!!!!!! although I think I felt most bad for him during that rescue mission with Salv like OMFG poor Shiro LOL. him bonding with the black lion was.... OMG. I was so proud and happy for him. take that Zarkon you fudge nugget. also ALSO HIM BONDING WITH KEITH????? I WAS SCREAMING??????????? THE HUG??!?!?!?!???!??! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *ahem* anyway, I’m not even gonna get into the finale cause frick dat he’s fine he just is hiding under the control panel and is gonna pop up and surprise everyone later it’ll be great you’ll see :) he’s fine guys :) he is F I N E :) :) :) :) 8)

Pidge: A RELATABLE NERD WHO MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. I already felt a connection to Pidge last season, but this one was literally like OMG... it me... if I were smarter anyway... :P. she was precious as always, not taking any crap from those dumb boys. I LOVED her episode on the techie planet, it was so good. her having to rescue everyone in the end was just... *insert Pacha pic here*. also umm Harm and I kept making predictions throughout the entire season and saying “YOU GUYS SHOULD DO THIS” and then Pidge would always be the one to say the EXACT thing that Harm and I had been saying all along (like the Black Lion being the thing that Zarkon was tracking) and it was like YES!!!! GIRL!!!!!! GET SHIZZ DONE!!!!!!!!! seriously Pidge is like the support character of this team, without her, they would literally be dead right now. I freaking love her. she is the BEST \o/

Hunk: GIVE THIS BOY A FRIGGIN MEDAL. SERIOUSLY. and that medal would be for being the absolute biggest sweetheart EVER. OMG. I’m so glad they chose to put him and Keith together for the Weblum episode cause Keith needed someone like Hunk after what he had just gone through OMG. Hunk wasn’t demeaning to Keith at all, he was actually genuinely curious about what had happened to him??? I’m crying????? also I know everyone is complaining about him being reduced to comedic relief and only talking about food and all that but like... he stated in the Eye of the Storm episode that cooking was how he destressed?? it’s his hobby?? he likes cooking and eating food?? I get it, ya’ll want a chubby character who’s not just there to eat food all the time. well, from what I recall, Hunk used his smarts pretty darn often in the season, especially in the Weblum episode. also he’s still a big lovable goofball that everyone on the team loves and what’s better than that tbh?? NOBODY on the team makes fun of Hunk for liking to eat and cook, and honestly, that’s incredible. I absolutely LOVED the parts in the space mall episode where he was cooking in the food court and everybody was loving his food. he was doing what he loves to do, and he was being GOOD at it. as an overweight person who also likes to eat often, I support Hunk and his food eating/making endeavors ^3^

Lance: I... honestly wish I could say more about him. unlike with Hunk, I do agree with the fandom that Lance pretty much got shoved to the side this season. besides the mermaid and rescuing Salv episodes, he didn’t do much at all. he was hilarious as always, but I’m starting to see season three Sokka syndrome here, and I’m not sure how to feel. I don’t have a problem with him being a comedic character, but it feels like they’re taking away from the really important stuff with his character. he didn’t even mention his Earth family this time around. is that not an issue for him anymore? with Pidge and now Keith both looking for their families, I feel like this might impact Lance more in the coming seasons. I really hope they delve more into his character in S3 cause we didn’t get much of him in the first season either. poor Lance :\

Keith: DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT. DO I. COME ON. YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I’M GONNA SAY. I specifically saved Keith for last cause hoooooo BOY do I have a lot to say!!!!! firstly *SCREAMS FOR 84 YEARS*. secondly *SOBS FOR 84 MORE YEARS*. and lastly *DIES*. that is all. ........LOL jk. thank you thank you THANK YOU to the writers for giving him more of a focus this season. we complained that Keith was barely there in the first season and now this second season more than made up for it. this was Keith’s season, man. even more so than Shiro. I was one of the people who REALLY wanted Keith to be part Galra aND LO. THE WRITERS DELIVERED. *MORE SCREAMING*. I’m a bit disappointed that Thace wasn’t his father, but I’ll talk more about the Galra in a bit. also the fact that his mother is the one who’s a Galra? I didn’t even know there were female Galra since Haggar was the only female on the ship (and I was suspicious of her actually being a Galra anyway). but whatever, I’m not picky, IM JUST HAPPY IT’S A THING. The Blade of Marmora is my new Carnage of Krell and I’m gonna torture myself by watching it 20 more times hahahaha. I already mentioned the Shiro hug but also HE THINKS OF SHIRO LIKE A BROTHER??!?!!?!?!? UMMMMMMMMM??!??!!?!?!?!??!?!!?! I died to say the least. I’m still dying. I’m still dying A LOT. and and AND KEITH BEING PROTECTIVE OF SHIRO IN THE FIRST EPISODE?????? I CRIED????????? he was so supportive and helpful in this season, he really bonded more with the others, especially the Weblum episode OMG, I love his relationship with Hunk so much ;3;. and the stuff between him and Allura????? like I don’t ship it, but I was still screaming like... Keith is such a friggin sweetheart, he genuinely cares about everyone even though he doesn’t always show it, and he’s so loyal and protective and strong and I AM SO FREAKING IN LOVE WITH HIM HE IS PERFECT?????????????????????????? the fact that he was able to control the black lion in the first episode?????? he really is a good leader after all?????? this entire season was building Keith up so that he could take over for Shiro once he was gone and I’m??!!?!?!!?!!?! *SOBS FOR 84 YEARS AGAIN*. I’m honestly frightened for what the next season is gonna hold because nooooooo do not give Keith anymore grief and sorrow and worry, do NOT let him blame himself for losing Shiro, DO NOT MAKE HIM ANGSTY AGAIN, JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY AND FIND HIS FAMILY AND BE A GOOD SUBSTITUTE LEADER FOR SHIRO OK????????? that’s all I ask.... ;3;

ok that’s the main five, now on to the other characters...

Allura and Coran: I’m lumping them together because I can. Coran didn’t really change much this season, and I’m ok with that. I like him just the way that he is. the episode where he had the Slipperies was HYSTERICAL. I love him XD. Allura continues to just be... ok to me? I definitely don’t dislike her, but there are so many things about her that bothered me this season, it was hard for me to change my feelings about her at all. I got SO pissed at her about her issues with the Galra, it was ridiculous. especially when she was being a jerk to Keith, that was just infuriating. if this was the writers attempt at trying to showcase racism, then congrats to them cause they did a wonderful job at making me almost hate Allura LOL. I compare Allura to Katara a LOT, but unlike Katara, I feel like Allura might have more likable qualities to her. in terms of her racist feelings towards the Galra and Keith, she resolved them a heckuva lot quicker than Katara did with the Fire Nation, which I appreciated greatly. the way she handled her apology to Keith was even more satisfying than Katara’s apology to Zuko tbh. idk guys, I really want to like Allura more, and at times I like her more than others (like during the last couple episodes holy frick YOU GO GIRL \o/), but overall, I’m still just... ok with her. nothing more, nothing less. if I were to rank all of the main hero characters in order, she would probably be last. but I in no ways hate her, that’s for sure.

The Galra: again, lumping all together cause there are WAAAY too many characters that fit into this category for me to separate. like Keith, these guys were given a big focus this season, and I am SO GLAD. I really wanted to learn more about them in the first season, and I was super syked to learn that they weren’t all bad guys. the Blade of Marmora (the actual organization, not the episode of the same name) was SO. FRIGGIN. COOL. like yeah, they started off as a bunch of jerks, but thanks to the glorious efforts of my husband, they chilled out and joined with the team and kicked MAJOR butt in the finale, I was so friggin pleased. also Ulaz and Thace?? I’m hurt man. I’m hurt REAL bad. someone please tell me I’m not the only one who got Clone Trooper vibes from those two cause I AM HURT. if the Blade ends up being a bunch of sacrificial lambs for the rest of the season, IM WRITING A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER TO DREAMWORKS TO TELL THEM TO BACK THE FRICK OFF OF MY BOYS!!!!!!! also, like the Clones, I am conflicted on whether or not I want to adopt them all or marry them all but we won’t get into that *COUGH*. I hope more Galra join the Blade in the next season. and that we get to find out WHO TF THAT PERSON WAS THAT KEITH RESCUED INSIDE THE WEBLUM CAUSE I JUST KNOW THAT PERSON IS IMPORTANT SOMEHOW!!!! (calling it now, they’re related to Keith in some manner, also I think they were female). besides the Blade, I also enjoyed seeing other odd Galra that are actually part of Zarkon’s army, like Marvok and the cop from the space mall. more characters like them please \o/

aaaaand some final things to note

Zarkon literally turned into Megatron, he’s even in a coma like Megs was in the first season of TFP hahahaha

I had a theory that Haggar was a species other than Galra but I did NOT expect her to be Altean tbh

IF THEY NEVER SHOW OR MENTION THE COW AGAIN IM GOING TO BE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN THE WRITERS

forgot to mention it in Allura or Shiro’s sections but!!!! that hand hold!!! ALL ABOARD THE SHALLURA TRAIN 8D

immediately after finishing the season, I looked up Prince Lotor and I DO NOT WANT THEM TO CHANGE HIS CHARACTER AT ALL HE IS PERFECT THE WAY HE IS P L E A S E WRITERS OMG

please... let Pidge find her brother and dad soon... please writers...

I want more Altean history and I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE OTHER PREVIOUS PALADINS WERE

Harm and I couldn’t remember the name of the Taujeerians, so we just called them the Pooh aliens cause the leader was voiced by Jim Cummings (and they were really cute and chubby LOL)

that’s it :P

[kristens-chaotic-life]

Just Breathe...Update 3

Well I wonder how long this one will take me to write...if I go the rate of my last one it will be awhile. But we will see what happens. (Update its only taking me 2.5 days so far, and I might actually finish it tonight) And I have a good feeling this will be just as long if not longer than my last update.  Personal Growth...my mental health. Something really important. And there is so much to be said here. 

**And just kinda a heads up now that I’ve written a good 3 pages here...this entry is mostly discussing my journey through counseling and talking about how I have an amazing therapist. As well as how important it is to get the help you need (and deserve!) 

***Adding now that I finished this: To some people this entry might seem silly, or weird, or you are wondering why I wrote this. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to some. Or maybe it doesn’t seem like there's personal growth here. But that's ok. I found it to be harder to put down into words than I expected it to be. There's so much more to be said here. So it turned more into my story, my journey. And if maybe one person who reads this can relate, or feel like they aren’t alone, then this blog served its purpose <3

I want to start with sharing something I posted on my facebook back in July:

I have seen a lot of people mention lately about being diagnosed as having anxiety and not knowing what to do about it, or having doctors who do not seem to care about helping. Or people who will tell you its all made up and you need to just deal with it. Or the misconception that if you have anxiety you must also have depression. That isnt true either! But not getting your anxiety under control can certainly lead to that! Sure most people have some sort of anxiety, but some people might need a little extra help managing that, and that's totally ok!! Get the help you need, so that you can be YOU! Not the same thing works for all people. Some might find help in medications(scripts or natural alternatives, I currently use a combo, very low dose med in combination with CBD) or sometimes having a counselor/therapist does wonders or maybe you need both! I can say 100% talking to a therapist/counselor has made a world of difference in the level of anxiety I feel on a day to day basis and managing it. Why am I saying this? Maybe there is someone out there too afraid to reach out, because they are embarrassed or they are being told their anxiety "is not that bad". (I know some people who have been turned away from help because they aren't "that bad" because there are a lot of places who won't consider seeing you unless you are literally mentioning self harm or can't even care for yourself anymore). There are other options ❤ I would be glad to point anyone in the right direction to find one of those places! Just know you are not alone ❤ and that you should not ever feel bad about needing a little extra help! And if anyone ever wants to talk Im here! Do not settle if what your doctor is telling you or giving you doesn't work or help. Keep looking!

(For the record, I am fine. I have not, nor ever been depressed, never considered self harm, and have not been concerned about my ability to take care of myself or children. Just had been an anxiety filled mess! But with the help of an awesome therapist/counselor and an amazing office I have been able to manage it! Other than your normal things that come up and cause anxiety of course lol)

Alright, So I know that I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety. I feel like pretty much everyone does.. Some are able to control it and some need some help.  I used to think I handled it pretty well. I remember having a few episodes of social anxiety where I’d be at a grocery store and get overwhelmed if it was too busy and being like screw this I’m out. Abandon cart and get the hell out of there. This still happens some but I don’t abandon cart since it typically has a child in it lol. I checkout whatever I got and call it a day, and come back when I can. But a few years ago I got into a weird phobia that was overtaking my life. When I had episodes I would be in total panic mode and seriously could not function. I’d shut down anywhere from hours to days where I would do nothing other than tend to this fear. The specific fear is irrelevant so I’m not getting into what it was over. I’ve opened up to a few people about what it was. But really this can apply to a lot of fears or phobias. Finally I decided to seek help in helping me deal with this. My friends didn’t know what to say to help. Zach didn’t know what to say to help. I was embarrassed to talk to people about it. But I was miserable.  So I started counseling. I’d say this was a little over 2 years ago when I started my counseling journey. Prior to that I did see my family doctor and they put my on zoloft, and just kept upping my script to see if it would help. I started seeing a therapist, and she was great. We talked things through, worked on some strategies to deal with what was going on. After a couple months things were fine. Or so they seemed. I was discharged from the office. A few months later things got worse again and I went back to the office. Also started seeing someone  there and having him in charge of my meds instead of my family doctor. That change made a big difference. We stopped my zoloft and switched over to a low dose of buspar. I finally had someone that listened when I said hey this medicine is not helping me. We keep bumping up the script and all that is happening is I’m getting killer migraines! This is not ok. So that switch made a huge difference.  Shortly after that the therapist I was seeing left. And I was switched to someone new. This created a huge panic in me. I had been talking to someone that knew me, knew what was going on, seemed to be helpful and just like that gone, and I’d have to start over. For me trusting someone is pretty hard. And being able to be open is a challenge. So then they told me who they were putting me with, now I didn’t know anyone else in the office so I didn’t have a preference really. But  they said we will put you with Chad.. I just kinda looked at them and was like ummm...soo...if this doesn’t work can I switch please? The thought of telling everything that was going on with me to a male was just not something I feel like I could do.  And they were like oh he’s great, you will really like him. I remember leaving that day feeling lost. Super uncertain how things would go. I did not have a positive outlook on this at all. I was at a place where I needed someone I could be comfortable with and change is not my friend. I remember calling my best friend Gen and being like man..Idk about this. How can I talk about everything I was talking about before with some guy? The first time I was on my way in to see him I talked to Gen again, pretty freaking out and nervous. Let me go back for a second, I was nervous my first time seeing my previous therapist as well, but not like this. So after leaving my first appointment I called Gen back. I just remember saying I think this is really going to be helpful! I was seriously amazed. I left feeling refreshed, having someone with a different perspective on things, I felt comfortable, he prayed with me, and I was actually looking forward to going back. Now I honestly can’t tell you the last time we discussed my initial issue of what brought me in. As that has been something that I have learned to deal with, I can recognize when I’m about to have panics over that and I have my things I do to just keep peace with that. But after handling that other things that were causing me stress and anxiety would come up.  I feel like now I’ve been working on so many other things in my life.  I really do believe that going to counseling has helped me grow in so many different areas. Spiritual, mental, personal. Because of what was going on first, I was able to open up about more things...there were way more things going on in my life other than just that 1 weird thing! Just learning how to control my emotions in general is huge. How to respond to situations better. Reminding me to focus on breathing because that helps regulate the emotions. I cannot tell you how often I am told to do this. Seriously all the time. Because it's so easy to get caught up in whatever it is that is stressing me out or causing me to panic, that after I’m told that I realize yea, my breathing is ALL over the place. Maybe one day I won’t have to be reminded LOL but seriously that will probably be a while. But I’m trying.  I can say that I respond to certain things better now in most cases. If I don’t I can recognize later, like ok yep. I messed up there. I do have quite a few times where I get caught up, feel like I can’t deal and ask for help. Or need extra help talking through things. Maybe too often. But I think I’m getting there.  Sometimes just talking it through I can pick out if I’m being ridiculous or if something really is an issue. And he is always helpful. I have never once felt judgement. Just support. Sometimes the reassurance that I’m being given I really do need. And it is so helpful. Being reminded to have compassion for myself. Knowing that it is ok to make mistakes sometimes, and not beat myself up over it. Just having someone recognize the changes in my life, that I am growing. That is nice to hear. Because sometimes it's hard to see that myself. Hearing the words I’m proud of you, I don’t think I knew how much that could mean until hearing it more recently, especially being said about these types of things(growth). That reminds me that I really am growing as a person. I do credit a lot of my spiritual growth to counseling as well. I am reminded often to pray. When I’m struggling, pray. I know I mentioned that in my last one, but really it has been a huge part. I think that bettering myself mentally has also given me more motivation to do better physically as well. I think it all connects back to my mental state of mind. I needed to put in the work to get better there to get other areas of my life right. And Chad has been a huge part in that and helping me be the person that I really want to be, and know I can be. 

I’ve been asked how in the world can you just open up to someone like that? And let them know so much that's going on in your life. Honestly, now usually it's easy. I don’t even think about it for the most part. But it took time. And trust. You have to trust the person sitting across from you. You have to not feel judgement. If I wasn’t able to open up about so much so that he could know who I am then I wouldn’t have been able to grow like I have. It used to be very scary, and sometimes still can be. He knows so much more than I ever told my first therapist, and because of that I’ve been able to work on so much more! It really is a good feeling. And it's good to have that person that can tell when something is going on. I still remember there was one day I was definitely anxious. I don’t even remember what it was over anymore. But I knew I actually did not want to talk about whatever it was. I was going to just try to let it go. And not too long after I had been there he was like “your anxious, how come” and in my head I’m like dang it. I was trying so hard to not let that show! But of course that's a good thing, and I’m glad he’s able to call me out on that kinda stuff so that it can be talked about and it doesn’t build. I am so grateful that I have such an amazing therapist that I am able to talk about everything, and who is there for me and helping me along this journey to be a better person. I know that there is still a lot of work to be done. And that I will never be done growing. There are a lot of things I’m not great at and need to improve at. But I feel like a lot of people close to me have noticed or commented on my growth in one way or another. And that is encouraging too. 

For the longest time I was silent. I didn’t share what was going on with me. I for sure didn’t tell people I was going to counseling. And so often. I didn’t want that judgement from people. Up until this past summer most people had no idea that's what I was doing. I just had “appointments”. But I’m not ashamed of it. It has done so much for me! And I feel like it could be so helpful for so many people. I also feel like I’m able to respond to some of my friends better too when they are struggling. I’m able to share what I’ve learned in dealing with things with them. Sometimes when my friends will be telling me what's going on with them and how overwhelmed they are with their lives, or their anxieties or just feeling down, I joke that they need a Chad. Sometimes they will be like well, I don’t think I could do that. I never thought I could either. I didn’t understand it. But really, it's helpful :) And asking for help is OK! You don’t have to go through whatever it is you are going through by yourself. Some people feel like just because maybe you have a great support system you don’t need that extra help either. But that's not true either.  I have AMAZING significant other, friends and family who are there for me and support me. But they didn’t understand what I was dealing with, or why, or how to respond to me and help me. Not that they didn’t want to. They just didn’t get it. And that’s ok! That’s why I made the choice to do what I did. And get help for me. And it is doing wonders for me. I am in the best place mentally that I have been in a long time. And I look forward to continuing to grow, and learning how to deal with things better. 

For those of you who might feel awkward about thinking about asking for help, please don’t. And don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I might be a hot mess sometimes and struggling to deal with my own stuff, but I’m always able to listen to a friend who is in need or hurting. 

And remember, BREATHE : ) (note to myself as well ;) ) 

**I do want to add a few thank yous in...because there are people who have contributed greatly to allowing me to work on these things. Zach for being patient with me while I get myself together, and go through this stuff because I can’t always explain it and I know that's frustrating. His mom for helping with the kids, not only sometimes while I had the appointments so that I could actually go alone sometimes so I could be more focused, but for just helping with them in general when things are crazy because having someone else around can make things so much less crazy! My parents for loving me, supporting me and being understanding of my struggles. Stephanie for also helping with the kiddos, either watching them or doing the shuffle. As well as listen to me vent, even if I’m not making much sense. Gen for always being there for me and listening to all the craziness of my everyday life, and helping to calm me down. I am also super thankful for the bond I have formed and is growing with Christy, April and I and our growing friendship and that we are able to talk about certain things together, it truly is wonderful. Of course Chad for being so great at what he does and helping me get to this point, and honestly going above and beyond to help me. And last but not least, I thank God that I have ALL of these people, that I was led to this place and be able to work on getting my life better, and for continuing to work in my life. **

[gis-is-back]

I forgot so here’s a Master Post

10/12: Thursday

OK. ummm so according to twitter this was a day i woke up in the middle of the night due to loud people in the street which never makes me happy, then I went on my phone until 3AM and yee. Still not happy about SR and my friends so I felt bad in that regard. I went on a run that morning and then must not have done anything substantial until I FINALLY turned in my OFII form so I can leave the country when I want to. Then on the way back a catcaller said something to me but idk what he said so its fine. Went to the store and got new skincare products and expected them to make me break out but as of Oct 19 we güd :-) 

10/13: Friday

Oo Friday the 13th how spooky. Went on a run and a guy wanted me to take his picture at like 8AM while im literally running past him and I said no and I’m glad i Did because a big part of this journey has been learning how to say no to boys, people, opportunities, etc. Like sure you should be open to shite but no I’m not going to say yes when I know I’m just going to feel stupid. Made a super large finsta post ab how I’m doing with weight loss and fitness and stuff and honestly felt really good about this day. 

10/14: Saturday

Literally no day, feeling, morning, instant has ever felt worse than the one I experienced the MOMENT I woke up on this morning. Was in that twilight zone in between dream and reality and heard a woman speaking in a cooing high pitched voice. Dreaming me interpreted it as my mom talking to my cat. Started thinking about it for a bit and realized that my mom (and cat) is thousands upon thousands of miles away and that I a) wont see her for another two months and b) am out in this foreign ass country all alone. CRIED SO HARD. I’m not kidding that was such an awful feeling the only thing worse that I can imagine is if there was no possibility of seeing my mom again. Yikes how awful. And from then on im pretty sure I was just sad. Stayed inside most of the day aside from my daily run and yee.

10/15: Sunday

Danielle finally came home so i had SOMETHING to do *eyeroll emoji* except im jk cuz i know there’s shit i can do. I went on a run and then met danielle for cwoffee at starbs where we “studied” for our phonetics midterm. There was a 5/10k for breast cancer that morn so in honor of it I ran 5k which was impressive for me cuz i aint ever run that far continuously. Actually ran like 3.5 miles. Went home and went grocery shopping, got some EgGpLaNt like a real fancy mofo and some salad mix but I got spinach, arugula, and a chard looking ass leaf and the arugula SUCKS but I’m making my way through it. Kept on missing home and LA and everything/one but yeet.

10/16: Monday

69 days out. Went to my 8h30, took my exam, was fine, went to my next class, was fine, went home, was gr8 i love going home haha. Then I went on a run and ran quite a lot! another 3+ miles and then decided to look at the botanical garden for once since I run past it like actually literally every day but had never been in. It was okay, really flat and not that like idk diverse like the CV Botanical Garden. Formatted the SHIT out of my calories spreadsheet so it looks awezum now.

10/17: Squad Tuesday

I hate tuesdays aka my long days but we did it boys. First class, w/e, then I had a meeting for my courses in which I got them squared away, then i had to talk to the other UC coordinator ab my time here and ended up fucking crying lmao. So annoying. Anyway, my next class was fine, got complimented af about my speaking which was lowkey very nice to hear and god damn i miss positive affirmation. Then I went for a run on the school’s track since i dont have time in the morning or after class, ran 12 laps and walked 2 but idk if its a regular track and my fitbit was doing the bs thing where it doesnt work unless i restart my phone which is so annoying. Then had my third class which was fine then my fourth which was unbearably long and I was literally watching the minutes go which made them go slower so I’m not gonna do that anymore but I do have a nice collection of drawings from every tuesday. Went home, took shower, made din, bed.

10/18: Wednesday

Woke up feeling depressed which might be the norm now, instead of wallowing I got up and ran tho even tho I was planning on just doing it after class which was good and actually ran quite a lot once again, over three miles. Got ready for school and then went. 1st class was fine, midterm next week, second class was fine, midterm next week, went home woo and binged on banana chips. Got ready for bed and was laying in bed on phone when I started being able to hear a mouse. Freaked me tf out, and basically did what I could to prevent them coming in but ended up actually trapping one inside and every time it moved I would be wide awake so i got like 0 sleep last night which was kinda shitty. MAde me super depressed this morn but I’ll save today’s details for todays post!

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 10 - "Heck Everyone on This Tribe!" - Logan

LOGAN

tea time with ryan. when is it my turn

-

So last round was wild. If it weren't for duncan, i would have voted david and that would have been even messier. Also sorry Ali I definitely did go in room 9 but it doesn't matter! Because my extra vote was snatcht by Isaac.

RYAN PALMER

LMFAO LAST NIGHT WAS A MESS. it was still totally fun though. i havent had that much fun in a game for a long time. too bad everyone else is being boring af. i dont have anything personal against trevor but i think this series and season is too good to have someone breeze their way to the end because everyone just wants to follow him and hand him the win. i dont get it. oh well. like i said im always just here to have fun and cause a little chaos. it seemed like sam and ali had the most negative reactions to what i said in the tribe chat last night. i literally made it all up...minus the duncan part cause lydia told me about it....anything i can do to spice things up and get ppl paranoid is good. im not gonna survive this round so i gotta make it last. but when i wrote and said that i was a free agent and that if you want my vote you better message me or else someone else will...i got messages from jd logan sam which is interesting. i think sam knows that hes the person i talk to the least so he wants some communication in before im juror...eh...and logan and jd seemed to really want me to know they werent against me...i do actually believe them but that doesnt mean they are gonna go trying to save my ass. honestly just give me that spot in emathia hvv. if i can somehow win this immunity by a stroke of genius itll be my mission to make sure someone good leaves and we dont waste a round by getting david/logan/jd out. oh also i love lydia. and cami.

LOGAN

Also! Heck everyone on this tribe! Literally everyone lied to me last night except for Duncan, Matt and Ryan, and ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE IS NOW GONE BY MY HAND. I didn't want to vote for Matt! If I could have gotten rid of Trevor YER DARN TOOTIN I WOULD HAVE! I just didn't read the rules bc I'm a #idiot. If it weren't for Duncan actually trusting me, I would have voted for David or Trevor and looked stupid as heck. I also told Trevor that the "other side" trusts me which is... well, true, because I am the other side. I'm literally about to play his own game and fucking leak false information to him. Maybe flush an idol, maybe flip someone. I will never trust anyone in this game again. Within the next four rounds I'm going unless I can win challenges. It was a good run.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158609746461/immunity-10

DAVID

Me on the bottom? just where i like it! anyway Ali was like "It was rough yesterday ryan was yelling at me ):" and im like bitch I literally didnt vote in the majority and you did can you actually shut your mouth because you have nothing to worry about

ALI

Welp, I have lots to talk about, so I am gonna break it up into sections:

Firstly, I am super happy to have made final 10. Like already outlasting 12 people in a season is a huge achievement! Yesterday's vote got a bit crazy, but I think its opened my eyes as to the next steps I need to take to advance my game. Firstly, in memoriam of Matt. I wouldn't have expected to vote him out so soon, but he'd begun trying to turn the tides against a member of my alliance, and he didn't have a majority, so I almost had to go on the 'Trevor' side. Furthermore, when he was talking about the potential 'majority' that'd take out Trevor, he didn't include Sam or JD, who I'd expected him too, as we'd been working together up to that point. His willingness to just leave out allies, meant that he just had to go :( Next Sam. I feel super bad for Sam. I was encouraging him to use the idol, when it was unnecessary. Our conversation leading up to him playing it though super brought us together, so I'm hoping I have his vote going forwards. Next, I got to play Touchy Subjects! I was so excited for that, and even though it was super hard to make some tough decisions, I really enjoyed it and can't wait to see the results! :) Now, onto 'Tea Time with Ryan'. In my opinion, Ryan screwed up. Like, people get that Trevor is a threat, but all that his temper tantrum did, is make sure people don't want to work with him (at least in my opinion). Like I definitely intend on making a move against the Trevor/Owen power duo, in the next coming votes, however I don't think I'll necessarily want to include David or Ryan (unless one of them happens to still be in the game). I'd potentially want to make that move, with a group of 'Duncan,Me,Sam,JD and Lydia'- I'd super want to bring in Logan as a 5th, but JD is weirdly stubborn about not wanting to work with them. I'm not sure why. Looking super long term, there are a number of threats, that I need to remove before F3. Those people include but aren't limited to: Owen, Trevor, Lydia and Ryan Like I don't want to go to F3 with any of them. My dream F3 would be with David and JD, as I feel like those two are the two I have the greatest chance of beating. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem sitting there with Logan or Duncan either. Even Sam is kinda too big of a threat. As promised to Jay, here is a quick breakdown of my thoughts on each tribemate: Ryan: I may be the lap dog, but you’ll be the one heading to the pound JD: My F2, think I may potentially be able to beat them. Really get on with them. I think them being stubborn about not working with Logan may cost us a bit. I don’t get why they so passionately want them out eek Logan: Super sweet person, sucks that we haven’t up to this point been able to work together game-wise Trevor: Really like him, but he is just too big of a threat Owen: Same as Trevor, would almost want to keep him longer though. We’ll see Duncan: I don’t know what to think of him? Like I feel like we’re close, but at the same time, maybe we aren’t David: We barely talk. Like almost never. Lydia: Kinda scary strategy wise, but a great mentor Sam: Love him too, but he is kinda a threat Who is the tenth person? I can’t remember for the life of me. In conclusion, everyone is a threat and they all need to go.

DUNCAN

On 3/20/17, at 2:25 PM, Unkie Dunkie wrote:

> Me: He poisoned our water supply! Burned our crops! And delivered a plague onto our houses! > Sam: He did!? > Me: Nooo! But are we just gonna wait around until he does!? On 3/20/17, at 2:26 PM, Unkie Dunkie wrote: > Me about matt summers to Sam

-

WHEW! THAT WAS FOR YOU EDDIE!!! <3 A few things. Ali leaked that matt summers had a 6 of me him Ali rtp Logan and

DAVID ROBB

https://m.popkey.co/97b4c1/Dj0DV_s-200x150.gif

I've not talked to any of y'all! You formed a majority without me on our original tribe! And when matt came to me I wasn't having it tbh.On 3/19/17, at 7:28 PM, Matthew Summers wrote: > So like idk if you have any sort of vendetta against me but that was what the last message he sent me started with. Like, I DO have a vendetta against you, you said "its hard for you to trust me", verbatim, and YOU VOTED OUT MY SHOWMANCE BINCH! KARMA IS A BITCH NAMED HARMONIA!! Please also know, I was at work when shit was hitting the fan.  I'm so glad that everything went according to plan despite the plan being leaked. It made sense for Samuel to idol trevor, it built their trust, and it prevented any scare of a tie. Now I just need to find out who has the idol now. The more the idol transfers hands, the messier allegiances are going to be. RTP did call out owen and Trevor on having multiple final threes with people and it did make me think about my long term game. Its going to be really hard for me to take on owen or Trevor in the end. My best bets hones lee? My best bets would have to be with either Logan or one of the newbies or samuel. Like Samuel would get the newbies vote but I might be able to pull off the rest? idk. I know for short term, as long as I'm good with Samuel, I'm good with the newbies, bc he knows everything about them. So I know If I want to go deep I need to *shudders* continue to stick with sam. I know that its dangerous to go deep with sam because he is always a contender for the W, but I need to make sure I get to the end before I start thinking about votes or anything like that. So if that means taking another inch of sam down my throat than so be it. 

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158645180036/immunity-results

OWEN

IM FUCKING SNATCHED BALD I CANT VELIEVE I WON HOLY FUCKING HSJSJSJSJDJDJDJDJDJJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJNDJDJDJDJD ME WHEN I WOULDNT HAVE WON IF I DIDNT CHANGE MY LAST ANSERR LAST MINUTE????? I don't think?? FUCK

TREBOR GONMA BEAT MY GAY ASS WHEN HE FINDS OUT I BEAT HIM AFTER HIS ADVANTAGES YIKES!!!! YIKES!!!

-

"she [Jay]  doesn't believe anything not in a confessional" sandra, aubry, cirie and michaela are co-winning survivor game changers and neda, ika, and cass are co-winning bbcan5 it's just the facts, folks

TREVOR AND OWEN

https://youtu.be/r-NzfAsCXh0

SAM

Hey why is nobody talking?????? this is supposed to be a chaotic vote???? is it me???? i guess these lame-os don't know that i have another idol????

DAVID

Ryan: Sam just thinks youre a vote with me Me: I mean is he wrong. IS HE WRONG!!!!!!

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/B7Ad9-RNKzg

DUNCAN

Okay a few things. Owen told me about Trevor giving sam his idol and obvi We can tell sam gave Trevor the idol bc of trev's disad in the challenge. Ummm I told Ali about the cursed idol and hopefully that gives me some foundation with him for the future moving forward. The vote apparently is for David. That's what I've been told. I'm hoping that if things go off the rails I'm not the one getting hit by the train. I don't think I'm the biggest threat? But you can never know what's going through a persons head. I'm planting seeds for samuel's blindside rn. I'm sharpening my sword. Hopefully I'm still here to slay the beast

LOGAN

im bein played

OWEN

whew!!! what a time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Matt Summers ultimately left and I think, in doing so, the game was mostly put in perspective: Ryan/David voted with him, Logan/Duncan are now officially together, the Sam/Ali/JD thing still exists as does Trevor/myself/Lydia. However, I...need Sam out of this game. And Ali, for that matter. So I went to Duncan and we talked without Trevor this time about potentially making a move soon. It's probably not a good idea this round, but potentially next round Duncan/Logan/me/Trevor/Lydia could make something happen? So I was SHOOK when JD started gunning for Logan this round??? Like...way to make it obvious you're trying to keep Ryan in the game, who is literally playing you just like Sam and Trevor and all of the returnees are. Whew! So I didn't want Logan gone at all cause that fucks everything up for future plans, so I tried to push it back on Ryan. Sam, Ali, JD, and Lydia continued to be completely like....unresponsive about the vote until finally Lydia spoke up about doing David and I'm like...as long as it isn't Logan, that's fine by me! :) God JD was like telling Trevor how he was the leader and how nobody would listen to her if she tried to get Logan out and I'm like....girl lol Survivor 101 - Don't TELL someone they're the leader. They don't want the target on their back!!!!!!!!!! Huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So :) We'll see! Maybe it'll be David going, maybe someone else will get fucked up and I'll have nothing to do with it, but honestly at this point there are a lot of people who, if they leave, it benefits me in some way. Ryan and David can go, Sam Ali and JD can go, and Trevor, though I don't want him gone right now, would ultimately take a target off of my back if he left. As long as it isn't Duncan or Logan then I'm good. AND IT CAN'T BE ME :) Whew! Just a day in the life!

ALI

Provided David goes home tonight (which it seems he will pretty unanimously), I think my game is super on the up. Its been clarified that Trevor is a huge threat, and watching conversations develop, its clear he has Sam with him, and Owen is of course linked to him, who is tied to Duncan. Those 4 are dangerous, as they seem inflexible and will likely stick together. It'll really blow to betray Sam, but it's seemingly necessary :( Lydia is a godsend. She is down to make a move on that four, alongside Ryan, JD, Logan and myself. I've finally rebuilt a relationship with Logan, which is great, (I think they're iconic and would love to bring them in as apart of a majority). I also think someone is lying about room 9 and Logan genuinely didn't go. I can hopefully now work with that 4 to do some major to the 'other side'. Woomph, I'm super excited! :) I am slightly scared of the damage being voted 'hero' and someone 'people would like to see win' will cause, but hopefully, also being voted a goat will nullify that! I MAY'VE MADE FINAL 9 AND I'M VERY EXCITED! :) (famous last words). I could've just been a prophet or I just flopped it. That kinda rhymed, but not really. I  guess we'll never know if I make it or not (or at least until the vote reveal in like 15mins). -Ali Out! (but hopefully not of the game)

OWEN

in other news this round has been fishy and I feel like something fishy is about to happen

JD

So Isaac leaving, that was very sad actually. I don't think that there was many people up at the time but we talked and I can feel for him. Not to the extent, but its sad. 

-

Scott getting striked out was not a surprise. He has not been very active from the beginning anyway 

-

Matt's vote, that was crazy. That was, tight. The night before tribal Matt went to Ali and told him that he was thinking about voting out Trevor. Being that me, Ail, Trevor and Lydia were in a final four, me and Ali agreed that this wasn't going to happen so we agreed that we would keep an eye on Matt and try to calm him down so that he would stop targeting Trevor. The only way we were going to tell Trevor was if Matt was really going to push it and as it turns out he really wanted to push it. So it was time to do what we did with Sam, save that ass.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158684167421/tribal-council-9

[ramblingsndaydreams-blog]

hello there again. yet again there’s been a long time lapse since the last tim ei wrote here. i think the last time was sometime in december, and its currently the beginning of february (the 4th) to be exact. so i mean, not that much time but still...enough. ummm hmmm. where to start. okay well how about we start with the new year

HAPPY NEW YEAR. new years was quite the interesting night. so i went to a gay club with my best friend j and we had so much fun. that was honestly an amazing way to start off the new year, and that was my first time really going out for new years since i only turned 21 this year. so that part of the night was great. then it was kind of down hill from there. but the time it hit midnight i was absolutely wasted. after the ball dropped we decided to leave the club and from that point on i only remember bits and pieces because i blacked out. i ended up texting o.m who i have history with. me and j walked for what seemed like miles to the bar he was working with. when we got there we got to go down to the basement where he was working. i ended up drunkenly flirting with who im assuming was one of his friends but decided not to go home with him. i did however end up going home with o.m and we ended up sleeping together. like i said previously i was black out drunk so i pretty much don't remember 90% of what happened. even though i was drunk i know it was consensual because i didn't necessarily disagree with what was happening. so idk. i just remember that he didn't wear a condom so i was worried for like 2 weeks that i may have been pregnant and i didn't want to talk to him at all afterwards because honestly it was a little embarrassing and i was scared. my period was really late but i ended up not being pregnant. i ended up obssessing over what had happened for days and kind of in a state of shock and felt like i needed closure. eventually texted him saying something along the lines of “hey i know this is out of the blue. but on new years eve i blacked out so i really have no recollection of what happened”. i talked to j about it and we agreed that if he gave no reply within a week (very end of january) that it just wasn't worth it. he ended up not replying so i recently blocked him on everything just because he doesn't deserve to be in my life and honestly im over it. im over him always randomly showing out of the blue back in my life. i’ve always felt like since the very day he entered my life, he never left. and i decided to take control of that because im tired of it. so im think im in a much better place now. and i feel okay. and im happy with how i handled the situation. idk if happy is the proper word. but i feel more content. its nice to finally take control of things in my life for once. but enough about that; onto a new topic

school? school is honestly going much better than i thought it would be right about now. im somehow able to keep up in my classes and i haven't really fallen behind. and idk. i just really feel like this quarter i have been really giving my all and my printmaking class that im taking is absolutely amazing. i really feel like its making me grow as an artist and im having so much fun in it. (im actually supposed to be ding work for that right now. i’ll work on it after this.) but yeah this quarter is honestly going well and im happy with where im at.

one cool thing is i got offered a job at m’o! there’s thing that need to be worked out because they thought i graduated back in december. which i clearly did not haha. im honestly just putting a lot of positive energy into it, and hoping that things work out. im not stressing about it, and if it works out then great! i would be ecstatic. if it doesn't, then i will go from there. but still, im hoping for the best

the only i guess major life event going on right now is the roommate situation i have going on. so s ended up not coming back to school this quarter. she had a lot of mental health issues and family drama going on. so it was for the best. and honestly im glad she's getting this time away from school to be able to breather. she deserves it more than any one. so im stuck living only with m. which is fucking weird. we don't talk at all. mainly because she is no longer important to me and i don't want her in my life. she’s a toxic person and doesnt deserve my time. as you can see i have atheneum going on this new year of cutting out people who aren't worth it haha. but yeah. its kind of awkward. but i really couldn't care less. im barely home because im always so busy between work and school so it doesn't matter to me anyways. although theres is one little thing thats creepy to me. she’s still copying the things i do. which is like singe white female scary. she now has the same tea tree oil as me, same shampoo, razor, and tons of other things. she buys the same groceries as me. its weird...like i understand im an admirable and cool person but damn. lmao im totally just kidding. im not that narcissistic. but nonetheless, i still find it really odd. especially since we’rr not on speaking terms.

OKAY. i think thats absolutely everything that i wanted to touch on. wow what a novel. it felt good to write all this stuff down. and i think i’ve decided im not going to try and post stuff here every xx amount of days. i think im just gong to start posting when it feels right. just when i have some things i really want to get off my chest. yeah that sounds good. until next time