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youvebeenlivingfictional · 2 years ago

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More Than Enough

Pairing: Harvey Specter x Reader

Rating: T

Notes: Not beta-read because when is it ever. Technically part of my Men I Always Meant to Write For non-series series.

Length: 9.9K

Warnings: Angst. Angst angst angst angst, mentions of reader having anxiety, friends to enemies to lovers, has a happy ending

Summary: Mr. Ross (Mike, he’d insisted, but you knew that you had to keep the formalities up for your own sakes) introduced Beth first, giving you a chance to just—look. You’d never bothered to catch up with Harvey once he’d gotten a job in New York. You knew that he was there, of course. The few friends that you had kept in touch with from Harvard had told you. You’d heard his name every couple of months regarding some case that he had tried, some deal that he’d closed. But you couldn’t imagine what you’d say to him if you turned up, and you weren’t sure that you wanted to know what he’d say to you—if he’d have anything to say to you.

There were a lot of things that you remembered about Harvey. You remembered his dimples, and the freckles peppering his shoulders; you remembered the way his eyes lit up when he hit on something good; you remembered the casual, almost bored way that he answered questions in class. Most of all, you remembered how he looked at you.

Harvey used to look at you with warmth, and teasing. He used to watch you hunker over your books and notes, stare you down when he was determined to come out on top in an argument. He used to peer up at you as he tried not to fall asleep on your shoulder, sharing the train ride back to spend the odd weekend in New York.

You remembered the way his gaze used to send nervous butterflies swirling through you. The way his smile made your face go hot, and your heart pound in your chest.

You remembered so many things about how Harvey made you feel, things that you held on to for such a long time—and they were in direct conflict with the way Harvey looked at you when you walked into the conference room that morning.

Something funny had happened in your gut when you’d heard his voice, the way he was warning his associate that he would, “Handle this one, and we’ll be outta here in five minutes.”

As you rounded into the room, you could see that his associate wasn’t convinced; you couldn’t blame him. You’d put up a hell of an argument with Mr. Ross a couple of days before, which had no doubt prompted him to return with backup. Now, you felt the first stirrings of panic, faced with a past you'd tried to forget, but you were too close to the conference room to turn tail, and with Beth already two steps deeper inside, it was too late to bail out. You’d promised her that you’d stick to her side through this ordeal. She couldn’t afford a real lawyer, and the few that you’d spoken to about pro bono work just didn’t have the bandwidth to help her case. The rest of your coworkers had been overwhelmingly supportive, your boss included—you couldn’t think of any other employer that would let a lawyer come and speak with Beth at her workplace without raising a stink about it.

Mr. Ross (Mike, he’d insisted, but you knew that you had to keep the formalities up for your own sakes) introduced Beth first, giving you a chance to just—look. You’d never bothered to catch up with Harvey once he’d gotten a job in New York. You knew that he was there, of course. The few friends that you had kept in touch with from Harvard had told you. You’d heard his name every couple of months regarding some case that he had tried, some deal that he’d closed. But you couldn’t imagine what you’d say to him if you turned up, and you weren’t sure that you wanted to know what he’d say to you—if he’d have anything to say to you.

Harvey looked good. Self-assured, confident, wearing a bright, charming smile as he shook Beth’s hand. You could hear Mike introducing you, and had just a moment to brace as recognition his recognition swelled.

It took over his expression entirely as he met your eye.

Harvey’s gaze flickered, brow furrowing a touch. The dimples disappeared as his lips dropped from a smile to a stunned purse. You shook his hand where it had frozen, a quick, firm pump before you let go.

“Please,” You gestured to the small conference table before you set your things down. The space wasn’t at all grand, it was…Homey. Surely not the sort of spaces these two were used to, if the suits were anything to go by.

“I appreciate your persistence, Mr. Ross,” Beth started, tucking a stand of greying hair behind her ear as she tried to steady her nerves, “But my position hasn’t changed since the last time we spoke.”

You glanced from your elderly coworker toward Mr. Ross. Just out of the corner of your eye, you could see Harvey watching you closely. The feeling was at once familiar and foreign; it made your stomach turn.

“Ms. Owens, I recognize that our client has put you in a difficult position—” Mr. Ross started. You had to clench your jaw to keep from rolling your eyes as he went on, “But the valuation that we’ve offered for you to change the name of your LLC and sell the site is incredibly generous.”

You did smile, then. Hell, you couldn’t help it.

“You disagree?”

Your stomach lurched at Harvey’s question, and you looked toward him. Oh—you knew that expression. His eyes were narrowed; his lips were curled into a smirk that dared you to argue with him.

“Isn’t that obvious? If we didn’t disagree, none of us would be in this room right now,” You pointed out.

“We’ve spoken to our client,” Mike cut in, drawing your attention again, “And he’s authorized us to bump the offer up to $100,000.”

You let that hang in the air for a few moments, brows raising when Mike gave a small, encouraging nod.

“That’s it?” You retorted dryly. “You expect me to believe that a pharmaceutical company with a market value of over three hundred billion dollars is willing to drop a whole 100K? How overwhelmingly generous.”

“Do I need to point out that your cash-grab is standing in the way of medical progress?” Harvey argued.

“Oh, please,” You scoffed. “It's a dick pill, Harvey.” You tried to ignore the stunned, slap-shocked look when you used his name, pushing on—“And if you’d read the comparative studies that the company did, you’d know that it works with roughly a third of the effectiveness of the market leaders. This isn’t exactly going to blow the toupee off of Viagra, no matter what your client says.”

“We could bury you under fees and paperwork.”

“Whoa, Harvey,” Mike muttered beside him, casting him a wary look. You could feel Beth shifting nervously beside you as well. You forced yourself to be calm, and to smile a little, even as your stomach flipped. You’ve done your homework; you’ve prepped. You can do this.

“Yes,” You nodded, “You could. But you’d be doing so at the expense of a woman who has owned and operated a company out of her studio apartment under this name since 1995. What Beth has here isn’t just a little stumbling block for your client—it’s an institution, with hundreds of annual customers and testimonials speaking to the way her products have improved their lives. This may be a blip for your client, but it’s a significant part of Beth’s life. And considering the recent, sharp drop in the company’s stock price and the uptick in legal suits, I wouldn’t be surprised if you all need a win right now. If you railroad us, we will go public with your client’s intimidation tactics.”

“Intimidation—?” Harvey snapped.

“Oh, have they not mentioned the non-stop late-night phone calls, the people following Beth to and from home? The private investigators? The threatening letters?”

You watch Harvey’s expression mar with surprise. You can’t help but chuckle then.

“C’mon. You should know better.” You look down at the folder in front of you. “The fact of the matter is, my client has had to endure a mountain of shit for what is only a marginally effective aid for erectile dysfunction—one that’s projected to make your client nearly $18 million in its first quarter on the market. If you need to close anyone, it’s on your side, not ours. You either bump the offer up a mill, or we go to the press with what we have.” You drew two copies of an article out of your folder, sliding it across the table to them. “Just a little taste.”

“Excuse me?” You heard. The four of you turned your attention to the office secretary, who was lingering in the doorway. Right on time, just as you asked. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you have a call. I can have them hold—“

“No, that’s alright,” You shook your head before turning back to the men on the other side of the table, subtly waving for Beth to stand. “We’re done here. Thank you for your time, Mr. Ross. Harvey, always a pleasure.”

You led the way out, holding the door open for Beth. Vindication shot through you as you just caught Mr. Ross asking, “What the hell was that?”

She was all over the page. Harvey had given the article a couple of passes while he was in the car on the way back to the office, but reading it through again, he felt that even if she hadn’t handed it to him herself, he somehow would’ve known that it was hers.

The argument that Mike was having with Craig Philbrook seemed almost muted to him as he read it for a third time. It was a concise presentation of the facts, but it hit the exact emotional points that it needed to. It was beautifully balanced. Harvey could almost imagine her curled over her laptop, drawing up a draft, editing it with expert precision. He’d seen her work like that before. Sure, it had been a long time ago, but the sight of her hunkered down in Langdell Hall had never really left him—not even when he’d done his best to push it away.

“Harvey!”

He glanced up, brows raising. Craig’s face was the shade of a cherry tomato, and seemed just about ready to pop. His chest was heaving from what must’ve been a spirited bout of argument with Mike. Glancing at his associate, Harvey found Mike wide-eyed and pink-cheeked, at an equal fever pitch. He considered for a moment more before he tossed the article onto the table.

“We don’t have any choices here, Craig,” He admitted.

“A million dollars? That’s insane!”

“Actually, considering what the company expects to pull in almost a eighty mill in the first year, one million is pretty reasonable.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“I’m on yours, Craig. Look, if you wanna action your plan, we’ll sic the dogs on ‘em. But the press is never gonna side with a company that’s putting a little old lady through her extreme financial and emotional distress just for a landing page. If we settle outside of court, slap an NDA on top, none of this ever comes out. Keep it clean.” Harvey pushes himself out of his seat, standing and buttoning his suit jacket before taking the article up again. “Talk to who you need to talk to, but do it fast. Every incident that they noted is another ticking time bomb that we may have to worry about diffusing.” He rounded his seat, heading for the door before he paused and turned back. “Oh, and Craig? Quit having her called and followed. You’re just giving them more rope to hang you with.”

He turned away, tucking his hands into his pockets as he strode down the hall, Mike in tow.

“You think he’ll cave?” Mike asked.

“He will. He has to.”

“Okay—Question.”

“Is it related to the case?”

“Yes. What the hell was that?”

“That was me doing my job. The job you were supposed to handle, and you're welcome, by the way.”

“I don’t mean back there, I mean this morning.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit.”

Harvey cast an irritated glance back toward Mike as he walked into his office. It was no surprise that Mike followed; once he got something in his head, he couldn’t let it go. Neither of them could.

“She said seeing you was always a pleasure,” Mike added as Harvey settled behind his desk.

“Maybe she was just trying to get under my skin.”

“Seems like it worked, and I’ve never seen anyone but Tanner do that. How do you know one another?”

Harvey considered. He didn’t know her, not really. Not anymore.

“We went to Harvard together,” He finally admitted.

“She’s a lawyer?”

“No.” Maybe? He wasn’t sure. He hadn’t checked the bar for her name in a long time.

“So she…Did what with her degree?”

“As far as I know, she never got it. She dropped out, middle of our second year.”

“Why?”

“No idea.”

“Come on, you can tell me.”

“Don’t you have a brief to write or a motion to file.”

Mike was quiet for a moment, gaze sweeping Harvey’s face before his mouth fell open in slight surprise.

“...Oh, my god, you really have no idea,” He managed.

“Why are you still standing here?”

“Does Donna know?”

“Why would she?”

“Because she knows everything.”

“Well, I doubt she would know this.”

“You’re deflecting. She definitely knows.”

“Go ahead and ask her.”

Mike’s mouth works wordlessly again before he turns his head just a little.

“...She doesn’t know.”

“She does not.”

“Unless she does, and you’re trying to double psychy-psych me into not getting an answer.”

“Then go ahead and ask.”

“...She doesn’t know.”

“Are you asking?”

“If she does know—”

“You could be doing this on the other side of the door.”

“Okay.”

Harvey relaxed a bit as Mike leaned back in his seat, then smiled as he heard Mike call out, “Donna?”

He shook his head, taking up a baseball from behind his desk and turning his chair to gaze out of the window, turning the ball over and over in his hands. Mike wasn’t entirely wrong. If there was anyone in the city who may somehow know what happened, he was almost certain it was Donna. Harvey sure as hell didn’t know what had happened.

Harvey could still remember the shock of it—turning up to goad her into going to get dinner with him, only to find that her half of the room was completely cleared out. Her roommate had told Harvey that she didn’t know where she’d gone, didn’t have a number to reach her. Harvey had chased answers down within his means. He’d gone after phone numbers that he’d used and found them disconnected; he’d stopped by her apartment building and asked the doorman for information, even tried to bribe him, but the man hadn’t let a single word slip. Harvey had waited outside for hours in the hopes of seeing her, but had come up with nothing.

No call, no note, not a word of warning or explanation. Harvey hadn’t been worth saying goodbye to then, and he apparently hadn’t been worth saying goodbye to today.

His gaze dropped to the baseball in his hands, his thumb sweeping across the stitching as his chest fluttered with bitterness. Mike hadn’t come back in, so he was almost certain that Donna didn’t have the answers. Harvey eyed the article on his desk, frown deepening.

Maybe Harvey would have to get the answers for himself.

“Um—Did you happen to see Gerald’s email?”

“Nope,” You hardly looked away from your laptop screen as Beth sidled up to your desk. “What’s up?”

“He wants another SWOT analysis.”

You closed your eyes in irritation, drawing in a deep breath.

“Of course he does. Thanks for flagging.” You opened your email, glancing over when you realized Beth was still standing there. “Everything okay?”

“...Just, I haven’t heard anything yet, from…” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “I just wonder if we were too aggressive.”

You nodded a little, offering her a reassuring smile.

“If anything, they’ll counter, maybe for half a mill.”

“But…What that other man had said about burying us in fees, and paper—”

You turned your chair, taking Beth’s wizened hands in yours.

“He’s not going to do that,” You swore. “They’d screw themselves over if they did, and they know it. They’re probably just ironing out paperwork. It’s gonna be okay.”

Beth’s eyes darted between yours before she finally nodded. You gave her hands a gentle squeeze before you let go, turning back to your laptop as she walked away. You bit your lip, peering at your laptop screen. Your eyes scanned it, but you weren’t really taking anything in. You were just as panicked as Beth was that you hadn’t heard anything from the firm. It either meant something very good, or very bad. But you didn’t dare let Beth know how nervous you were. If it hadn’t gone your way—if the company decided to take Beth down—you would never forgive yourself.

You drew in a deep, shaky breath, curling your fingers into your palms and trying to shake off the oncoming shivers trickling down your spine. You’d always hated this feeling—the fear of loss, the swell of hopelessness. You hadn’t felt either so acutely in a long time. You’d been happy for it; you hadn’t missed them. Arguing with Harvey had brought you back to the contentious moments in law school, the panic of not knowing who the professor would call on next, the fear of tripping over your words in front of a dozen of your peers—

You closed your eyes for a moment, drawing in another deep breath and forcing your mind calm. You weren’t in law school anymore. You were a manager at a marketing firm. You did good work. You liked your job. The life that you led was more than enough. The people that you answered to were satisfied with your results—and whatever happened to Beth could be overcome. You were certain.

You opened the email from Gerald, reading it through before you CC’d Anne from finance, Jason from legal, and your boss before you typed out your response:

Hi Gerald,

Per our contract, we’ve completed the four SWOT analyses that we’ve been contracted for this year. Happy to take this conversation offline to discuss renegotiation.

“I’m going out.”

Donna sprang up at the warning, striding to catch up with Harvey.

“Going out where?”

“I need some air.”

“There isn’t enough air in your office?”

“I like outside air. The exhaust, the cigarette smoke, the waft of salt from the hot dog vendor.”

Donna arched a brow, folding her arms across her chest as Harvey hit the down button for the elevator.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the woman that Mike asked me about last week, would it?” She asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh no?”

“Nope.”

“Too bad. Her LinkedIn, Instagram, and Bumble profile were very interesting.”

Harvey arched a brow, glancing toward Donna before he stepped onto the elevator.

“Since when are you on Bumble?”

“I have a few profiles for research purposes.”

Harvey shook his head, smiling and casting his gaze toward the elevator floor as the doors closed.

When someone came to a stop at your desk, you assume that it’s Beth, or your boss—someone that you worked with. When they didn’t speak, you glanced up, and realized immediately that it was a mistake. Harvey was standing there, his hands in his pockets as he waited to have your attention. You dropped your gaze back to the screen, clearing your throat.

“I’m assuming if you’re here in person again, it’s bad news,” You commented. Harvey’s lips pouted as he seemed to consider.

“Depends on what you consider bad news.”

“I consider Beth getting screwed out of her fair share as bad news.”

“Well, then I have good news and bad news.”

“Okay.”

“The good news is, my client is ready to settle out of court for the requested amount, provided an NDA is signed.”

“I’d need to see that before she signed it.”

“Of course.”

Your brow furrowed.

“Then what’s the bad news?”

“There’s one more contingency to the deal being signed.”

“And what’s that?”

“Get a drink with me.”

Your gaze narrowed, and you couldn’t help but lean back in your seat, arms folding across your chest.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Not at all.”

“If I refuse?”

“Beth will still get her settlement. But,” Harvey tipped his head from side to side, “It’ll probably take way longer.”

“How much longer?”

“Pff…Anywhere from a few months to a year. To be perfectly honest, my client doesn’t want to pay out. I mean, he will, because he knows that our advice is the right way to go, but I can gum up the works.”

You pushed out a stunned scoff.

“You’d seriously do that for a drink with me?”

“We each have something the other wants.”

“What the hell could I possibly have that you want?”

“Answers.” Harvey's critical gaze skimmed your rapidly heating face. “So? Are you busy tonight?”

You felt out of place. The bar was nice, and everyone seems dressed for it…Except you. Well, your workplace was fairly casual. It was rare that you met with clients in person. You dressed up in those instances, of course, but your day-to-day work wear is jeans and a nice shirt. You were trying not to shift uncomfortably, or fidget to adjust your cardigan, or the shirt underneath. You glanced up toward the waiter, offering a small smile as he set your drink down.

You picked up your glass, drawing in a long, slow sip. You’d spent the last five hours distracted at work, torn between trying to figure out what the hell you were going to say to Harvey, what sort of questions he could have. You already knew that this was more likely to be an interrogation than a friendly chat.

He was drawing it out, too. He was taking a slow sip of his own, watching you like his gaze could drill through your skull.

Maybe it could. He was certainly trying hard enough.

“So?” You pressed, unable to help the silence. His lips twitched. Ugh, he’d wanted you to cave first, and you had played right into his hand. Bastard.

“Did you ever finish your law degree?” He asked.

Embarrassment prickled your skin. The conversation was going to be a roller coaster if that was where he was starting.

“No.”

“Never went back to Harvard?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I had no reason to.”

“Not even to visit? Maybe pick up something you forgot?”

“I didn’t forget anything when I left.”

“Why did you leave?”

“Irrelevant.”

“I find it very relevant.”

“I disagree.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Are you?”

“Not particularly.”

“Move on.”

“Speaking of moving on, you seemed to do that very quickly.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You disappeared. No one could get in contact with you.”

“I didn’t want contact with anyone.”

“So you just dropped off of the face of the earth, for what? Fun?”

You shifted in your seat a little, fingers pressing into your palms where they were hidden in your lap.

“Trust me, nothing that happened to me then was fun.”

“Why should I trust you?”

Your stomach lurched; your hands tightened in your lap.

“Take my word for it, then,” You corrected.

“Your word isn’t worth anything to me.”

You averted your gaze, jaw tightening as you leaned back in your seat. Maybe you could just slam the drink back and go. You could hear Harvey leaning forward in his seat.

“Tell me,” He pressed, “What happened.”

“Why does it matter to you?”

“This has been a giant question mark for me for a long time. You know I hate loose ends.”

You drew in a deep breath, leg beginning to bounce beneath the table as your nervous energy swelled.

“I couldn’t do it anymore,” You finally admitted.

“What?”

“I couldn’t do…Harvard Law. That environment, I couldn’t do it. Look, I loved it at the start, I loved the feeling of getting in, but once I was in, it was too much.”

You couldn’t meet his eye; his look was as heavy as ever.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” He asked after a moment. You scoffed a laugh, raising your brows as you finally brought yourself to look at him.

“Are you serious?…Harvey, you were allergic to feelings.” It was a little vindicating to see Harvey shift in his seat as you went on, “If I’d told you that I was struggling, you would’ve told me to buck up, that it wasn’t that hard, that I just needed to put my head down. You don’t respond weakness, you can’t fucking stand it.”

“You did just need to put your head down.”

Your mouth worked wordlessly for a moment, lips curling into a hysterical smile as you breathed, “Oh, my god—” Because there it was. There was the answer you’d expected years ago.

“You were top ten!” Harvey argued. “You were this close to knocking me off out of the top five.”

“I was losing my shit!” You lowered your voice, leaning in. “I couldn’t sleep. I was having panic attacks every time I left my room. I couldn’t handle it, alright? I’m not like you.”

“No, you’re not. I wouldn’t have given up.”

It was like a slap. You bit the inside of your cheek before you leaned back, nodding. You could feel your throat going thick as your eyes welled with tears.

“Okay,” You reached into your pocket, drawing your wallet out for a twenty as you stood. “Well thank you for this lovely trip down memory lane.”

“Sit down.”

“Fuck you.”

You didn’t even care that your language drew the attention of the other patrons. You just strode out of there as quickly as you possibly could, hands fumbling for your phone to get a car. Maybe it shouldn’t have been so surprising that you heard his footsteps behind you moments later. It pushed you to walk faster, to keep him from seeing your watering eyes.

“Maybe it shouldn’t be surprising that you’re turning tail and running,” He sounds almost bored, “You’re so good at it.”

“Leave me alone, Harvey.”

“You know, I had the wildest theories back then. Kidnapped by a foreign government, taken by aliens, activated sleeper agent. It’s a bummer to find out that you were just a coward.”

“Stop it,” You warned, shoving the door open and striding through it. You heard his palm hitting the wood behind you to keep the door from hitting him in the face, and you were desperate to escape it in the city noise. Harvey pushed on as if you haven’t said a thing:

“I used to think we were one and the same, but I would never have done what you did. I never would’ve just disappeared. Why didn’t you trust me—” His fingers curled around your wrist, tugging you to turn to him. His diatribe seemed to falter as he took in the tears slipping over your heated cheeks. You twisted your wrist out of his grip, tucking your arms around your middle and keeping your gaze anywhere but Harvey.

“...You could’ve talked to me,” Harvey finally said.

“You would’ve told me then exactly what you said just now, and that was the last fucking thing I needed back then. Frankly, it’s the last fucking thing I need right now.”

“Look at me.”

“No, you—You got your answers, alright? Get Beth her settlement.”

“You want me to get her settlement for you?”

“I want you to get it for her. Because she deserves it. So, get her the money, the money she’s earned, and just…Just leave me alone.”

You turned away from him again, getting just a little relief from the fact that you don’t hear him following you.

You spent the night worrying that your answers won’t be enough, that Harvey would go out of his way to bury Beth in paper, screw her over to the point where you had to go back to knocking on the doors of firms willing to take her case on a pro bono basis.

But when you turned up to work and Beth practically clobbered you with an excited hug, you knew that he hadn’t gone out of his way to fuck you over. You let out a sigh, patting Beth on the back and letting out a relieved laugh as repeated her thanks.

“Be nice.”

That had been your boss’s only warning as you’d headed into a conversation with Gerald. And you had every intention of being nice. But you also wanted to be realistic. You glanced from the finance rep to the landline in the middle of the conference table as Gerald groused, “There's no need to be unreasonable.”

“I don’t think us upholding our end of the contract is unreasonable," You argued. "We’ve done the SWOT analyses that you asked for in the past, and we’ll be happy to do them again. But we need to adjust the contract.”

“You can’t just do a one-off and bill me extra?”

“We could, but if we open that door, you’re just going to keep coming in, Gerald.”

“This is ridiculous,” He snapped. “I can cut this contract.”

“Yeah, you can,” You nodded. “You are absolutely at liberty to do that.” You heard the sound of a door opening to the conference room, but you felt your focus locked-in to the phone. “But if you cut this contract, that’s going to cost you a lot of time and a lot of money. We have a guaranteed pay clause regardless of termination, so if you cut us loose, you’re still going to have to pay us for the full year. While you’re still shelling out cash to us, you’ll have to pay to bring on another firm. You’d be better off negotiating the additional SWOT analyses instead of paying two firms off at once.”

You were quiet for a moment, brows raising as you and your associate waited in silence. You closed you eyes, holding your breath. Please, please please—

“How many SWOT analyses would I get with the increased cost?” He finally asked.

“That’s up for negotiation,” Anne hurried to reply. “As it is, you’re averaging one per month. If we push it to a dozen, we could work with you to discount them at 25%.”

Another pause. Another moment of you holding your breath, of please, please please please please—

“Send the revised contract.”

“It’s already in your inbox," You admitted. "Thanks, Gerald.”

“Yeah.”

You reached out, stabbing the button to hang the phone up before he could change his mind. You sighed, slowly leaning back in your seat and peering up at the ceiling. Christ, you felt dizzy.

“You can’t keep bullying our clients,” Anne grumbled.

“Our clients can’t keep bullying us. If we keep going the way we’re going, we’ll be the firm that does triple the work for half the pay. We’re too good for that.”

“She’s right.”

His voice made you whirl around in your seat, heart sinking into your stomach. Harvey stood just inside the room, his hands tucked into his pockets. Heat prickled along your neck. How long had he been there? Shit, you’d thought your boss had been the one to come in—

You glanced toward Anne with a guilty smile.

“Can we get a minute here?”

“Sure,” She nodded, pushing herself out of her seat. Harvey grasped the door handle, holding it open and shooting her a wide smile as she walked past. You stood as well, folding your arms across your chest before hurriedly lowering them to tuck into your pockets. You wanted to mirror him, look as nonchalant as he did, not all twisted up and shielded and defensive. Oh, you were cool as a cucumber. Definitely no reason to worry here, no way.

Harvey closed the door, stepping a little deeper inside.

“What can I do for you today, Mr. Specter?”

“Thought I’d come see how Beth’s planning on using her retirement check, how you’re going to use your fee.”

You frowned. “What fee?”

“You didn’t charge her a fee? Standard in New York is 40%.”

“I wouldn't take Beth’s hard-earned money.”

“You earned it, too, considering how hard you defended your client.”

“Beth was not a client. This was a favor for a friend.”

“That’s funny, because you called her that during our conversation.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. You said that your client had had to endure a, what was it…‘Mountain of shit’?”

“Well, that is true,” You muttered. “It was a mountain of shit.”

“Could’ve been two mountains of shit.”

“But it wasn’t, so. I thank you for that.”

“It’s only fair. You did what I asked, you answered most of my questions.”

“Most?” You scoffed, folding your arms over your chest. “What the hell else could you want to know?”

“You wanna do this here?”

“I don’t wanna do this at all.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

“Harvey.”

“I didn’t have a clue—”

“I am not doing this here.” You spoke more firmly than you felt. “This is my place of work.”

“Well when I tried to do this elsewhere, you walked out on me.”

“And yet you followed.”

“Because I had a chance to this time. I didn’t get the chance back then."

You shook your head, averting your gaze.

“Look,” Harvey stepped closer. “I’m just asking for a chance.”

“Last night wasn’t enough for you?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Well, it was for me. Hell of a flashback, just like old times. Same old Harvey, not knowing when to back off. Strong, direct, painful line of questioning—all gas, no breaks.”

Harvey was quiet for a moment, eyes skating over your face.

“It won’t be an interrogation again.”

“How can I know that?”

“I was angry last night.”

“And you’re not now?”

“...Not in the same way.”

“Oh, well. That’s a relief.”

“I just want to understand. Help me understand.”

“Understand what?”

“How one of the smartest people I’ve ever known changed her mind all that time ago, and then flexed the hell out of her legal muscles to get me to close in ten goddamn minutes.”

“People change, Harvey.”

“You haven’t.”

The two of you watched one another for a long, contentious, quiet moment before he said, “You need to come to my office.”

“What for?”

“To read over the NDA before Beth signs it.”

Fuck, the NDA. You’d forgotten about that.

“Fine," You nodded. "When.”

“How’s tomorrow work for you?”

“Tomorrow's a Saturday. You’re gonna do this on a weekend?”

“Gives us time to turn around any edits you need before you give it to Beth on Monday.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. Goddamnit.

“Fine,” You agreed. “How’s seven?”

“Sure. We can grab dinner—”

“In the morning.”

Harvey’s brow jumped, his chin tipping down a touch.

“Are you serious?” He asked.

“Completely. You wanna get this NDA into your associate’s hands as quickly as possibly, right?”

“You expect me to be in my office at seven in the morning so you can read something.”

“You could’ve saved us both a trip and just brought it with you.”

“It’s still being worked on.”

“Well, you can have someone messenger it over tonight and I’ll drop it off tomorrow morning. Or is it long enough that you’re going to, um…Gosh, what was that neat little threat, again? Bury me in paper?”

You saw something flash across Harvey’s face. You didn’t know if it was remorse, or what—but it’s gone as soon as it appears.

“Fine,” He bit out. “Seven. In the morning.”

“Sounds good.”

“Don’t be late.”

“Oh, I won’t. I’m very punctual.”

“I remember.”

Your stomach flipped. Of course he did. He turned away, opening the door…And holding it open.

“What are you doing?” You asked, raising your brows.

“Are you coming?”

“Are we camping out outside of your office overnight? You strike me as a glamping guy.”

“I thought you were leaving the room.”

“I’m not.”

“Your meeting is over.”

“I have a quiet room and a SWOT analysis to work on.”

“You’re telling me you haven’t done it already?”

Your face went hot at the accusation, lips pressing to hold in your irritation at the way Harvey smiled. You were relieved when he finally turned away. It gave you a chance to sink down in your chair and parse through what the hell just happened.

“Oh, wow. You’re early.”

You raised your brows at the tone of surprise, eyeing the entrance to the building, and then turning your attention back to the young man that had just sprung up in your way.

“Yes, I am. Good morning, Mr. Ross.”

“Please, call me Mike. Not on the other side of the table anymore.”

“Well, until that NDA gets signed, yes, you are, so. Excuse me.”

You made to step around him, but he stepped into your way again.

“I just wanted to say,” He added, “That I really admire how hard you worked for Beth, and I completely agreed with your assessment of the company’s value.”

“...Thank you, I appreciate that. Now, if you could just—”

You side-stepped him again—and again, Mike got in your way, pressing:

“I honestly didn’t think they’d cave for a million, but you really showed them—”

“Mike?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Harvey ask you to make me late?”

Mike’s mouth worked wordlessly for a moment, panic marring his features. You smiled sweetly.

“You know, I’m not sure what Harvey has told you about our past, but he probably didn’t mention that we were in an intramural dodgeball league. I can throw some mean elbows when I’m trying to get what I want, and you look like you bruise easily. So if you’d like to keep your ability to bend comfortably, please step aside and let me in.”

Mike pursed his lips before he nodded once, stepping aside.

“Thank you,” You cooed, sliding past him.

“I really do admire what you did for Beth!” He called out after you. You snorted, shaking your head as you headed to the lobby to get a visitor’s pass. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t more than a little antsy, glancing at your phone as you waited for the elevator, then waited in the elevator. When you stepped off, you found a stunning red-head standing there. Her eyes brightened at the sight of you, and she took a step back as you stepped off of the elevator.

“Mr. Specter’s office is this way,” She waved for you to follow. You raised your brows, falling into step.

“Was that a lucky guess, or did you know who to look for?” You asked.

“I knew. I don’t operate on luck.”

“Right. Did Harvey or Mike show you a picture of me?”

“Nope. I found pictures myself.”

“For what purpose?”

“Curiosity.”

“Sated?”

“Very.”

“Excellent. Do I get to know who you are, or do I have to go sleuthing on the firm’s site after this?”

“I’m Donna.”

“And what do you do here?”

“I just told you,” She stopped, waving you toward an office, “I’m Donna.”

You raised your brows before you turned, walking into the office. How the hell did he look pristine this early in the morning? Did the bastard sleep in a suit? His brow furrowed at the sight of you, shaking his sleeve back and eyeing his watch.

“6:59? What the hell did Mike do down there?”

“He made a valiant attempt, but I got past him.”

“How?”

“How did I get past him?”

“Yes.”

“Bullshitted him. Told him that we used to play dodgeball together, that I know how to throw a mean elbow. He crumbled like a bran muffin.”

“Damn.”

“You really should teach him how to lie. Second I called him on it, he blue-screened.”

“Trust me, Mike knows how to lie.”

“Whatever,” You shook your head. “Can I have the NDA so I can go?”

“Go? Oh, no. This doesn’t leave the office.”

“...Excuse me?”

“This document doesn’t leave the building until it’s ready to go to Beth.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

Your mouth worked wordlessly for a moment before you snapped it shut.

“....Fine.”

Harvey took up the document, holding it out. You fought the urge to snatch it from him, instead taking hold of it before you sat down in one of the seats in front of his desk.

“Need a pen?” He asked.

“Nope,” You shrugged off your bag, rooting around in it before drawing out a red papermate felt tip pen.

“You hungry?”

Yes, you were. You’d been planning on getting breakfast and a massive coffee before going over the damn thing on your own, in your apartment, but no. Harvey had done what Harvey always does: turned the situation in his favor.

“No,” You answered, uncapping the pen.

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

You didn’t answer to that, you just tipped your head into your hand as you settled in:

THE PARTIES: This Non-Disclosure Agreement (referred to herein as the “Agreement”) created on__________, is by and between…

You were quiet for a moment, tipping your head to the side as you skimmed your finger over the pages.

“Harvey?”

“Sure, we can do bagels.”

Damnit, a bagel sounded so good right now.

“Why is this NDA…” You tipped your head to the side, flipping through the file, “Thirty pages?”

“Because it needs to be.”

“Ballpark, this should’ve been six, tops.”

“You’re dealing with a big company. They want to make sure their bases are covered.”

You shot Harvey a disbelieving look from under your lashes before you looked back down at the file.

“Besides,” Harvey added, “It’s not the length, it’s—”

“—It’s the content, yeah yeah,” You muttered. You heard him huff a soft laugh, but you forced the flutter of butterflies in your belly aside in favor of focusing. Hell, you needed to get through this, and fast. If you weren’t careful, your stomach was going to start grumbling.

“Here we go.”

You glanced up, doing a double-take at the sight of the coffee tray in Donna’s hand. You looked back down at your work, finishing a note that you’ve been jotting before you turn the page. You went still when Donna held a cup out to you.

“Sugar-free iced dirty chai with a double shot,” She offered. You raised your brows, taking hold of the cup.

“You’re good,” You nodded.

“I’m Donna.”

“I remember.” You couldn’t help but smile at her before you took a greedy sip of the iced chai. Oh man, that hit the spot. You’d been there a while, and you were starting to get a headache. You hadn’t tried to parse through legalese like this in a long time, especially not on an empty stomach.

“So? Are we doing bagels?” Harvey pressed. You glanced at where he was leaning back against an end table lined with basketballs. He arched his brows. “Come on, it’s been an hour and you’re only halfway through. You’re going to run out of steam if you’re not careful.”

“...You’re paying for them.”

“Of course.”

“Then yes, please. Bagels.”

“They’ll be here in five,” Donna warned, striding past you and back to her desk.

“She’s very good,” You commented, nodding after her as you turned back to your work, making another note.

“You really are gonna run out of ink.”

You fought the urge to mimic him, just going on about your business.

“I’ve got plenty of pens,” Harvey added.

“Law firm this big, I’d hope you’d have a few pens.”

“More than a few. Hundreds.”

“Mm.”

“Thousands, even.”

“If you’re not sure if it’s hundreds or thousands, then maybe you should go count them and get back to me.”

“You just want me out of the room.”

“I want you to stop watching me.”

“Why?”

“It’s creeping me out.”

“Did it always?”

“Objection: relevance.”

“If you allow me a little latitude, I can establish relevance.”

“No thanks.”

“Why are you going over this thing with such a fine-tooth comb?”

“I wanna make sure you don’t screw Beth over somewhere.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust your client. You work for your client.”

“I do what’s best for my client.”

“And I’m doing what’s best for my friend.”

“Your due-diligence.”

“I’m just reading, Harvey.”

“You and I both know it’s more than that.”

You ignored the comment, turning to the next page of the NDA.

“Food’s here,” Harvey spoke up after a few minutes of quiet.

“Thanks.”

You could hear the rustle of bags as Donna unpacked things before leaving again.

“...You gonna put that down?” Harvey asked.

“When I’m finished with it, sure.”

“What about the bagels?”

“I’ll take it to go when I’m done here.”

“Come on, I can hear your stomach growling from here.”

“My stomach isn’t growling.”

“Not at the moment, but it has been.”

“I’ll live through eleven more pages.”

“The bagel will get cold.”

“I’ll heat it back up.”

“You’re going to reheat a toasted bagel?”

“Yes, using the same apparatus that toasted it in the first place.”

“A twice-toasted bagel is gonna be hard as a rock.”

“Oh well.”

“And if you don’t eat now, I will use all of the scallion cream cheese.”

“Knock yourself out.”

“I mean all of it. There’s a ton here, and I probably couldn’t fit all of it on a bagel, so I’d have to go in with a spoon. You want me to do that?”

“Do whatever the hell you want, Harvey. You usually do.”

Blessedly, that shut him up for a few moments.

“So did you,” He countered after a moment. You didn't need a law degree to catch that insinuation.

“I didn’t leave Harvard because I wanted to. I left because I had to.”

“You chose to.”

“I made a decision that favored my mental and physical health over my career prospects. There's nothing wrong with that.”

“You ever regret it?”

You considered for a moment, gaze drifting from the papers.

“...Sometimes,” You admitted finally, glancing toward Harvey. “When this whole thing with Beth cropped up, yeah. It was a bummer not to have the full force of the degree behind me. But…If I had become a lawyer, I probably wouldn’t have met Beth, or had enough time to help her, so…” You shrugged, looking back down at the NDA. “It’s not as easy as just regretting it or not regretting it.”

“You regret leaving everyone behind?”

“...Yeah. I could’ve been better about the way I did it, but at the time, cutting everyone off felt like the right thing to do.”

“Even me.”

“Harvey,” You sighed heavily, “I’m not saying that what I did was right for everyone involved. If I had reached out to you, to Scottie, to any of our friends, maybe I would’ve gotten a different answer, but the way that you reacted to me the other day? When you told me that I was a coward?” You lifted your head to meet his eye. “That was exactly what I was expecting. And you know what, it hurt like hell last night, but there is no way I could’ve handled hearing that from you back then.”

Harvey’s jaw worked for a moment.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” He admitted softly. “I’m sorry.”

You hesitated before you nodded a little, turning back to the NDA.

“If it’s what you felt—”

“It wasn’t,” Harvey shook his head. “I was mad, and I let it get the better of me.”

“And you’re not mad now?”

“Not at you for that.”

“But you are mad at me.”

“For making me get up to be in the office at seven in the morning? Yeah, I’m outraged.”

You fought back a smile, shrugging.

“Didn’t mean to fuck with your beauty sleep, princess.”

You turn the page, twiddling the pen between your fingers.

“You’ll make it up to me.”

“Will I?” You arched a brow. “How exactly do you think I’m going to do that?”

“You’ll pay for dinner tonight.”

“Oh, we’re getting dinner?”

“I’m fully aware of the vast difference in our salaries, so I’ll pick somewhere with only one Michelin star.”

“What a generous smug asshole. Time really has changed you.”

“It hasn’t changed either of us.”

“I don’t know. I think you’re more of a dick than I remember you being.”

“I’m blushing.”

“Sure, Specter.”

“Put the NDA down and have a bagel.”

“Bossy.”

“It’s my office, I get to be bossy.”

“Fine. I’ll take the NDA to a conference room and give us both some space.”

“Keep your seat, have a bagel, and let me see what you have so far.”

You didn’t look up until you saw a plate lowered into your field of vision. You arched your brows before you raised the NDA, holding it out to Harvey as you took hold of the plate. You shifted in your seat, sitting up just a bit. Crap, you hadn’t realized how far down you’d slid in your seat over the course of the last hour. You set the bagel aside for a moment, capping your pen and tucking it behind your ear. You twist the top off of the bagel, lapping at the thick layer of cream cheese before taking a bite. You can’t even help the soft, relieved groan that you let out at the taste.

Damn, you were hungry.

You glanced across the desk, met by Harvey’s smug smile.

“Shuddup,” You mumble around the mouthful.

“Didn’t say anything.”

“Didn’t have to.”

You took another bite as Harvey began to flip through the notes that you’d made in the NDA.

“You’re having fun with this,” He comments.

“I’m protecting my friend.”

“And you’re having fun doing it.”

“Sure, Harvey.”

“You are.”

“So you’ve upgraded from not analyzing your own feelings to telling everyone else theirs?”

“Not everyone. Just the people that I know.”

“Bold claim.”

“I told you—you haven’t changed. This NDA proves that.”

“How so?”

“Because so far, you have marked every single thing that I threw in there to trip you up.”

You nearly dropped the plate, and the bagel. You completely froze in the middle of your chewing. Harvey’s smug smile widened as he closed the NDA and reached out, taking up another, far thinner file from his desk, holding it out.

“Here’s the clean one.”

You reached out, setting the plate down on the desk. You flipped it open, embarrassment beginning to well up as you saw entire passages from the previous NDA—the very ones that you’d spent your time marking—omitted. You nodded for a moment before you muttered, “Okay.” You dropped it into your purse, slung your purse over your shoulder, and stood, taking the remainder of the dirty chai and the bagel with you.

“Hang on,” Harvey groaned.

“Nice meeting you, Donna,” You commented, ignoring Harvey as you passed her desk.

“You too!” She chirped over Harvey’s following, and his call of, “Would you wait a minute!”

“Why, so you can keep making a fool of me?” You bit out.

“I didn’t do it to make a fool of you, I did it to make a point.”

“And what point would that be?”

“That you’re a damn smart person—”

“I knew that already—”

“And that you would’ve made an amazing lawyer! You could still make an amazing lawyer!”

“That doesn’t mean that I want to be one!” You whirled around to face Harvey, face hot and close to his as he comes to a sudden stop to keep from ramming into you. “Just because my goals changed doesn’t make them any less important than yours. I am glad you’re a lawyer. I’m glad you have your corner office, your fancy fucking suits, your title, your position. But I’m glad that I have my life, the way I want it, without all of this. I get that what I did hurt you back then, and I am sorry. But I wasn’t fighting to knock you out of the top five when I was at school. I was fighting for my life. I know that I am smart. I know that I could’ve been an amazing lawyer, but I am happy just being myself as I am, right now. If that’s not enough for you, I don’t give a shit, because it’s my life, not yours.”

You left Harvey standing alone in the hall, his gobsmacked, stunned expression remaining as you turned away from him and strode to the elevator. He didn’t bother to chase you down this time, which was a relief. You managed to hold it together as the elevator doors slid open, studiously ignoring Mike as he stepped off and greeted you:

“Hey! Done already?”

You reached out, jabbing the lobby and door close buttons as quickly as you could.

Mike’s brow furrowed as she disappeared from sight. He turned away from the elevator, peering around the corner to see who might be nearby. There wasn’t anyone there for a few moments, and then…Harvey, standing there looking stunned and lost.

“Did she already finish her mark-up?” Mike asked. The question seemed to snap Harvey out of his reverie. He cleared his throat, straightening and turning away.

“She got halfway. I gave her the clean version.”

“What? I thought you were only going to give it to her if she caught 95% of the errors."

“She was on track to catch every single one. Spoiling the surprise didn’t seem like such a bad idea.”

“Is that because this whole endeavor has been a bad idea?” Donna piped up as the two neared her desk.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Harvey warned as he strode past her.

“I wanna hear it, but I don’t have time, I have uh,” Mike pointed down the hall, “A 10-Q filing to comb through—”

“Go,” Harvey nodded him away before he turned, heading back into his office. He reached out, taking up her half-marked NDA. His gaze skated over her notes, and it was as if he was transported back to Langdell, to the notes that she would scrawl in his margins, questioning his citations and methodology.

“...She’s happy as she is.”

“Donna."

“She said it herself!”

“She’s not working at her full potential.”

“Sounded like she preferred it that way. You’ve seen her at work. Is she bad at her job?”

“No.”

“Good at it?”

“What’s your point.”

“My point is,” Dinna leaned in the door frame, “That success looks different to different people. For you, it apparently looks like rubbing someone's skills in their own face. And I think if you keep harping on what might’ve been, she’ll just resent you for it—and if you lose her again, you’ll resent yourself for that, too.”

Donna raised her brows pointedly before she pushed off of the door frame. Harvey looked after her for a moment before he lowered himself into his seat, tossing the NDA onto his desk. What to do next?

Bringing her there hadn’t brought him much luck, but so far, going to her had been far more effective.

“I’m going to file a restraining order.”

“May as well do it on a full stomach.”

“I don’t have the NDA here, I sent it back with my edits.”

“I know.”

You glanced between Harvey’s calm expression and the bag of takeout that he was holding up. You sighed heavily. You thought you’d been able to shake Harvey, at least for the day. As soon as you’d gotten home, you’d double-checked the NDA, and hadn’t been able to find a thing wrong with it. You’d sent it back with a messenger, unwilling to step foot in that damn office again that day. You’d been certain that that would be in, but there Harvey is.

“I promised you dinner,” He adds.

“I thought you said that I’d be the one paying for it.”

“I take cash and Venmo.”

“Okay—” You drew your hand back to shut the door, but Harvey pressed his palm against the wood before you could.

“Wait a second.”

“Harvey, I can’t do handle a repeat of this morning.”

“I’m not asking you to. This morning, I wanted to understand what happened, I got that.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

Harvey seemed to have to brace himself.

“The woman that I knew at Harvard…The woman that I thought I knew—”

“Thin ice, Specter.”

“—I had a different perspective of you then. I know we can’t blank slate this, but I’d like to get to know you properly, and I want you to get to know me. As adults. I wanna know what I’ve missed.”

You considered for a long moment, your gaze dropping to the bag of takeout. Letting him in wasn’t the greatest idea. If it went south again, you couldn’t just storm out—it was your apartment. But there were things about Harvey that you’d missed, too; things that you hadn’t been able to learn about through your mutual friends, and things that you couldn’t just get from googling the guy’s name.

“What’d you get?” You asked finally.

“Chinese.”

“Dumplings?”

“Vegetarian, fried.”

You sighed, stepping back and nodding over your shoulder with a concession of, “Alright.”

There were a lot of things that you had remembered about Harvey. But sitting on the floor of your living room, leaning back against your couch as you ate dinner and drank beer was bringing back so much more. Harvard had held so many bad memories that it had nearly crowded out the good ones, the warm ones. But now, as Harvey busted your balls, teased you, ribbed you as he nudged your knee with his, or your arm with his, or your shoulder with his, was bringing back memories of vicious butterflies.

Oh, you’d had the worst of crushes on this man. It had only been made worse by late nights spent in his dorm, all-nighters pulled at the library, nights spent dancing with him at parties. You’d been certain that there had never been anything there, and you hadn’t pushed it. Harvey had been your friend, a good friend. But now, with the way Harvey’s smiles softened and his gazes lingered, you found yourself wondering if there had ever been anything more, anything that the both of you had buried.

“...I was sorry to hear about your brother.”

Your admission came out of a quiet moment, and it sobered the both of you. Harvey nodded a little, lowering his head and looking at the beer in his hands.

“I would’ve reached out,” You added, “But I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me at that point.”

“I didn’t.”

You nodded at his confirmation, and it was your turn to look at the beer in your hands.

“You knew more about my life than I thought you would,” Harvey added, leaning back against the couch and shifting to face you a little.

“Well, some of our mutual friends kept me informed on the happenings of the great Harvey Specter.”

“Why didn’t they tell me about you?”

“I asked them not to.”

“Why?”

“Figured you hated me.”

You bit your lip as Harvey reached out, taking the beer out of your hands and setting it on the coffee table. Your stomach flipped as his hand raised, tucking two fingers beneath your chin to turn your head toward him. You hesitantly met his gaze, stunned by the warmth you found there.

“I never hated you,” He murmured. “I was upset, sure. I was angry, and confused. But I didn’t hate you.”

“Maybe you should’ve.”

“Couldn’t if I tried.”

“Did you try?”

“Yes.” Hervey’s thumb smoothed along your jaw. “But every time I got angry, I worried, too. I had no idea where you were. I didn’t know if you were alright, if you were at another school or dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“I’m sorry—”

“I know,” Harvey nodded, hand smoothing around to your nape. “But I’ve gotta say, if you ever disappear on me like that again—”

“You’re done?”

“I’m gonna send a hundred fucking Pinkertons after you.”

You scoffed a laugh, brows raising. “That a threat, Mr. Specter?”

“It’s a promise.”He shifted closer. “I’m not losing you again.”

“You did fine without me.”

“I would’ve done better with you.”

“You didn’t need me! You had Scottie, you had Jessica, you have your career and your suits and your—”

Before you could say another word, Harvey pressed his lips to yours. Your eyes went a touch wide at the sudden unexpected contact. It was a moment before you let yourself lean into him. You raised your hand hesitantly, resting it on his chest as he drew you closer. Your knees knocked against his as you cuddled against him, humming softly as Harvey sucked your lower lip between his. You leaned back a touch, smiling as he rested his forehead against yours.

“I want you around,” Harvey murmured. “Can’t that be enough?”

You nodded, sweeping your thumb gently under his collar.

“It’s enough. More than enough.”

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#Harvey Specter x Reader #Harvey Specter x You #Harvey Specter/Reader #Harvey Specter/You #Harvey Specter fic #Harvey Specter imagine #More Than Enough

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whimsi-clown · 7 months ago

Text

A New Form of Psychological Torture Discovered.

Part 2 of the Reverse Isekai Disney Villains x Modern Reader AU

(Or RIDV AU for short)

Warning: Still a whole lot of swearing and OOC

"So... What would you like to know first?"

You asked with your hands clamped together, gathering the energy of minimum wage customer service workers just for this moment.

Those people have the highest patience, and you so badly need that right now.

The rest of the villains remained silent, glancing at one another until Dr. Facilier spoke up.

"How about you start by telling us how we got here... Wherever here is..."

He spoke, leaning forward against the back of the couch, the rest of the villains nodding and muttering in agreement.

"Well, to borrow your words, Dr. Facilier... You're in my world now, not your world... And you guys are the friends on the other side that I seem to have... Accidentally summoned??"

Dr. Facilier raised a brow at that, wondering how you knew that phrase. The rest of the villains, however, either rolled their eyes or groaned in irritation.

"Yea, we know that, babes. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out. What we wanna know is how we got here."

You turned to Hades, whose flaming hair was now turning light orange at the tip, showing how quickly he was losing patience with you,

You nervously gulped at that. You're gonna have to speed this up if you want your mansion to remain intact, hoping that reason will save you from 3rd degree burns.

"Alright, alright. Look, I really don't know how you guys got here, but I can tell you what I've been doing before, and you can take away whatever from there. Is that fine with you all?"

Thankfully, most of the villains agreed with reason, turning to Maleficent, who had been silent for most of this entire exchange, for the final say.

"Very well, speak."

With the mistress of all evil's confirmation, you began summarizing the events before their unexpected arrival, from your employer's death, you moving into their mansion, the mysterious door you found, the random junk on pedestals, how you cleaned them, and then the wierd lightshow that happened after that which resulted in their arrival.

By the time you were done enumerating, you were already out of breath, panting as your mouth felt like it had just gone through a marathon.

Was this karma for all those times you didn't speak up during those group presentations?

The villains contemplated your words, processing every detail (including the ones they deemed useless and unnecessary) before Jafar finally decided to speak up.

"You mentioned having cleaned some... Random junk before our arrival, correct?"

He asked with a raised brow, the other villains turning to face you for confirmation and a silent order for you to fetch those items for them.

You nodded at that, wordlessly running back to the mysterious room to gather every item in your arms and rushing back to the living room, laying them on the coffee table.

Most of the villain's eyes lit up in recognition of some of the items, snatching them off the table and inspecting them closely.

Maleficent held onto her staff, watching as the crystal orb at the top glowed a soft green. (1st mistake, letting the tall dark fae hold onto what is the equivalent of a lethal magical weapon)

Grimhilde didn't seem too fond or attached to the mirror in her hand, but she appreciated still being able to admire herself in its fractured surface.

Hades didn't seem too attached to the item he held too, inspecting the lit torch with a raised brow.

Jafar on the other hand was all too eager with the lamp in his hold, aggressively rubbing its surface with the cloth of his wrist, only to let out an irritated huff when it did not yield the results he desired.

Captain Hook was carefully inspecting the silver hook and the iron hook he had on him with a critical eye, and after careful contemplation, he decided to trade his rusty iron hook for a clean silver one, disregarding it over his shoulder as he gleefully applied the new hook onto his arm. (2nd mistake, letting the fancy ass pirate attach a deadly weapon onto their person. At least you won't get infected with tetanus when he makes good on his promise to slice your throat)

Gaston was checking his hunting rifle for any marks or scratches on the surface, doing mock firing poses before letting out a hum of approval. (3rd mistake, does not need an explanation whatsoever. He is a big dumb man with a big gun) As he was about to set the hunting rifle down, he accidentally pulled on the trigger, causing everyone within the vicinity to flinch in surprise at the loud bang, looking up to see the large bullet hole that was made on the ceiling of your home, some debris falling off. (Case and point)

Shaking his head at Gaston's mishap, Dr. Facilier continued to shuffle the deck of tarot cards in his hands, effortlessly doing card tricks like it was second nature. (You may or may not have been momentarily entraced by the smooth and eye-catching movement)

Shan Yu, who had not said a word since the "summoning incident" stood at the far side of the room, leaning against a wall as he simply watched the scene before him, the sword now kept on a sheath that was strapped around him. (4th mistake, again, very self-explanatory. Big man who's literally and probably the only person in this room with the largest body count) Shan Yu's head turned to your direction when he felt your gaze on him, his gold eyes seeming to pierce through you, causing another unsettling chill to crawl down your spine.

You decided to quickly turn your gaze away from the ruthless hun leader and focus your sights back on the rest of the group.

Watching Scar boredly play with the lion skull like it was a sock puppet of some sorts, Ursula and Cruela already wearing the nautilus shell necklace and the exotic fur coat respectively, and finally Oogie Boogie rolling the pair of die around his pointy stub of sack he called a hand. (How the dices remained on his hand despite his lack of fingers is a mystery you will never learn the truth to)

"Great. Now that I've satiated your curiosity. I'm gonna go..."

You mumble aloud, not really caring if they heard you or not. You just wanted to escape to the kitchen right now. You were starving.

Before you could make your great escape, however, a gloved hand grabbed a hold of your shoulders.

"Now hold on just a moment darling, you haven't completely satiated our curiosities just yet..."

Cruela stated, her grip surprisingly strong for someone of her age and stature.

"She's right. We've still got one thing left to ask."

Says Ursula as she comes closer to you, a tentacle wrapping itself tightly around your leg, preventing you any chances to bail.

You begin to grow nervous as they all begin to crowd you once more.

"Uhm... And... What exactly... would that be?"

You hesitantly ask.

"You referred to us as... Disney Villains... Why?"

Grimhilde commanded, glaring down at you.

"And you best not deceive us, little one, because I'm starting to get quite... Hungry..."

Threatened Scar as he licked his tongue over his canines, eyeing you like you were gonna be his next meal.

...

O H

...

Oh shit.

Gods you and your big mouth, why did you have to say that before them? They obviously don't have any idea that they're works of fiction and entertainment like in Mickey's House of Mouse or Once upon a Studio.

Actually, how would they react to that?

It was never really shown how the characters coped with the idea of being created for the purpose of entertaining children.

So how would they respond to the realization that their lives had been depicted for them from the very start and that they had no actual say in the course of their stories?

...

A morbid curiosity begins to settle in your mind as a smile spreads across your cheeks, making the villains unconsciously flinch at the uneasy feeling that came with your wide and ecstatic grin as you look up at them.

"How likely are you all to suffer from an existential crisis?"

End of part 2

Previous Part, Next Part

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fafnir19 · 9 months ago

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A new perspective

Dan walked into the employment office, shoulders slumped and a heavy weight of dejection hanging over him. A middle-aged clerk looked up from her desk, her disinterested expression morphing into a frown of recognition. "Are you here again?" she asked, her voice tinged with irritation. Dan sighed "Yeah, I am. Another job down the drain." "What didn't go right this time?" The clerk's tone was more resigned than curious. "It's always something," Dan muttered, feeling the unfairness of it all weighing down on him. The clerk pursed her lips, her expression a mix of resignation and pity. "Maybe it's time to consider coaching," she suggested, offering Dan a sympathetic smile. "You're lucky, though. Adrian usually advises CEOs, but he's offering his services to the unemployed now." Coaching? Dan had never considered it, but he figured it couldn't hurt at this point. "Sure, sign me up for whatever you think might help," he replied, trying to muster a hint of optimism.

A few days later, Dan found himself standing outside an elegant apartment building in the heart of the city. He checked the address on the slip of paper in his hand, making sure he was in the right place. This was where the coaching sessions were supposed to take place. As he stepped into the building's opulent lobby, he couldn't help but feel out of place in his worn jeans and faded hoody. But Dan squared his shoulders and climbed the stairs to the top floor. This was an opportunity for a fresh start, and he was determined not to let it slip through his fingers.

The door to Adrian's apartment was opened by a man who exuded an effortless charm and confidence that instantly made Dan feel self-conscious about his rumpled appearance. "Welcome, Dan. I'm Adrian," the man said, his warm smile putting Dan at ease.

"Dan, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting," Adrian added, his voice smooth as silk. "I've had to handle everything myself since my assistant left. Come in, come in." Dan followed Adrian into the elegant apartment that doubled as the coach's practice. The pristine white walls and tasteful artwork spoke of refinement and success, and Dan couldn't help but feel like a bull in a china shop as he hesitantly took a seat in the impeccably furnished living room. As Adrian settled into a chair opposite him, a friendly smile on his lips, Dan couldn't help but feel a surge of discomfort. The man exuded a polished charisma that made Dan acutely aware of his own scruffy appearance and lack of confidence.

Adrian leaned forward, his piercing gaze fixed on Dan. "So, tell me about your previous job. What went wrong there?" Dan shifted nervously in his seat, his eyes flicking to the intricate pattern of the rug beneath his feet, expecting a lecture or, worse, pity. "You see," he began, "my work's always been top-notch, but my bosses just never seemed to appreciate it." To his surprise, Adrian listened intently, nodding sympathetically. "Dan, it's clear that you're a top-tier employee. It's just that your potential is overshadowed by something else," he remarked, eyes glinting thoughtfully. "Wait, what? You actually think I'm not the problem?" Dan's eyes widened, disbelief coloring his tone. Adrian leaned back, exuding an air of wisdom. "It's not you, Dan. It's how others perceive you. Your appearance might be sending the wrong signals," he explained, tapping a finger against his chin. Dan's heart fluttered with hope. Finally, someone understood! "So, what do I need to change?" he asked eagerly, leaning in.

A soft chiming interrupted their conversation, and Adrian's eyes flicked to his phone on the coffee table. "I'm so sorry, Dan. I need to take this." He rose from his seat, all charm and confidence as he answered the call. Alone in the luxurious apartment, Dan couldn't help but marvel at the stark contrast between his own life and the world Adrian inhabited. He longed to break free from the cycle of dead-end jobs and unfulfilled potential, but the gulf between where he was and where he wanted to be seemed insurmountable.

Dan sat in the elegant chair, feeling a mix of anticipation and uncertainty as Adrian circled around him, eyeing Dan’s rebellious mane with a critical gaze. Adrian leaned in closer, his fingers grazing Dan’s scalp.

"Let's start with your hair," Adrian suggested. "That long, unkempt style might be a bit off-putting." Dan ran a hand through his hair, a touch of defiance in his eyes. "I'm proud of my rebellious hair, but okay. Let's try it." Adrian's fingers moved with a strange yet gentle pressure, and suddenly Dan felt a strange sensation, like a cool breeze across his head. Sitting up straight, Dan touched his head, feeling a neatly trimmed fade-cut with shaved sides.

"How did you… What just happened?" Dan sputtered, utterly bewildered. Adrian's grin grew wider. “Just a little magic,” he said, winking at Dan. “I used to work as a magician.” Dan, dumbfounded yet impressed, let out a chuckle. "Can you make my bank account disappear too?" "I might just have a trick or two up my sleeve for that," Adrian teased, his eyes gleaming.

Adrian stepped back to fully appreciate Dan's figure. “You seem a bit skinny, Dan. It might give off the impression of being sickly. People tend to avoid sickly individuals as nature's protective mechanism. How about we work on that and give you some muscle?" Dan laughed "I've tried that before. Didn't really work out for me." "Leave it to me," Adrian declared with a wink, a mischievous glint in his eye. Without another word, Adrian's fingers traced an invisible line in the air, and suddenly, Dan's frame transformed Dan blinked in surprise as tingling sensations ran through his body, and suddenly his form seemed more defined, muscles sculpted in all the right places. "Look at you," Adrian praised, a hint of pride in his tone. "That's the spirit, Dan. A little magic goes a long way." The fabric of Dan's previously baggy clothes now clung snugly to his toned physique, accentuating his newfound athleticism.

"I feel… different," Dan stammered, sensing a surge of confidence coursing through him. "You are not alone, Dan. You just have to get help,” Adrian encouraged, his voice carrying a note of assurance. “Do you trust me?” Dan nodded eagerly, his eyes shining with a newfound trust in Adrian's unconventional methods. "Great. Now, let's address your attire. Your current style might not be doing you any favors," Adrian observed, taking in Dan's outfit. "My clothes? What’s wrong with them?" Dan asked, looking down at himself. "They're a bit too casual. Let's upgrade your look and see how it changes things," Adrian suggested, pulling out a pair of tight silk pants and a fitted silk shirt. "Uh, this is a bit much, don't you think?" Dan hesitated, eyeing the clothing warily. Adrian smiled. "Trust me, Dan. It may not seem conventional, but it has its perks. It commands attention and presence. You’ll see," he assured Dan. After changing into the new outfit, Dan felt a bit exposed. "I don't even have underwear on with this," he mentioned, adjusting the unfamiliar clothing. "It's all part of the look. Trust me," Adrian reiterated, his tone unwavering. "Alright, if you say so," Dan said, trying to get used to the unfamiliar sensation.

Before Dan could voice any further protest, Adrian had already moved onto the next phase of his master plan. "Now, Dan, let's work on your attitude," he said, his voice low and commanding. "My attitude?" Dan asked, a note of uncertainty tugging at the edge of his words. "Yes, your perspective, your demeanor," Adrian replied, his tone firm. "Sometimes, a change in posture can yield a change in perspective. Kneel before me, Dan." Hesitant but willing to play along, Dan lowered himself to the floor, gazing up at Adrian with a mix of curiosity and obedience.

"Now, isn't this a far more comfortable position?" Adrian asked, an air of authority lingering in his voice. Dan couldn't help but agree, feeling an odd sense of ease as he knelt before Adrian. "It... it is, actually." "You see, Dan," Adrian said, his eyes holding a mesmerizing intensity, "your doubts were unfounded. Trust in me, and I shall guide you to your true potential." Dan pondered Adrian's words, finding a strange sense of reassurance in them. "You're right, Adrian. I shouldn't have doubted." With each passing moment, Dan found himself falling deeper under Adrian's enigmatic spell, his very being seemingly attuned to every word and command Adrian imparted. Adrian's piercing gaze held Dan in place, the sense of power and control in his eyes making Dan shiver with a strange blend of excitement and apprehension. "Relax, Dan," Adrian purred, his voice smooth and persuasive. "You're doing so well. Trust me on this. You're on the right path now."

"Now, let's try something else," Adrian suggested, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Kneel with both feet on the floor. It'll be more relaxing for you." Dan complied, shifting his position as Adrian had instructed, feeling an odd sense of ease washing over him.

Adrian's smile widened, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. "You look good down there, Dan," he praised, his voice smooth as velvet. Dan's cheeks flushed at the unexpected compliment, a warmth spreading through his body. "Now, Dan, I want you to spread your legs and pull down your pants," Adrian instructed, his tone authoritative yet strangely alluring. Dan hesitated for a moment, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features. "Uh, I'm not sure about this," Dan murmured, his hesitance evident in his voice. But before he could vocalize his doubts further, Adrian's persuasive words echoed in his ears. "You've come so far, Dan. Don't stop now. Trust me," Adrian's voice coaxed, wrapping around Dan's thoughts like a seductive melody. Dan swallowed hard, his heart racing as he complied with Adrian's request.

It was as if Dan's body was moving of its own accord, his hands gripping the waistband of his pants and obediently lowering them to reveal himself to Adrian. As Adrian took advantage of the vulnerable position, Dan's body became a whirlwind of conflicting sensations. A surge of warmth and pleasure ignited within him, and he couldn't deny the undeniable ecstasy coursing through his veins. "This is so wrong," Dan gasped, his voice strained with conflicting desires. "But it feels so right, doesn't it?" Adrian's words were like a caress, lulling Dan into a state of surrender. Dan's thoughts were a jumble of confusion and arousal, his body betraying his mind's protests. "You belong to me now, Dan," Adrian asserted, his tone laced with command. "You're mine to mold and guide." With each electrifying touch, Dan found himself slipping further into a state of blissful submission. "Yes, sir," Dan murmured, a newfound sense of purpose blooming within him. "I want this." The air crackled with tension as Dan relinquished himself to the overwhelming sensations engulfing him and made him finally cum.

"You are free now, my dear Dan," Adrian's voice caressed him like a tender embrace. "Embrace your true self." "But what about my job, my future?" Dan's voice wavered with uncertainty. "You have a new path now, one that fits you perfectly," Adrian assured, his gaze unwavering. Dan's breaths came in shallow gasps, and yet, a strange sense of liberation burgeoned within him. "You've always longed for guidance and structure, haven't you, Dan?" Adrian's words resonated within him, striking a chord deep within his being. "I never realized," Dan breathed, his eyes glistening with newfound clarity. "Now you have found your purpose," Adrian declared, his gaze piercing through Dan's uncertainties. "You will be my assistant, Dan. You will serve me and obey my every command. You will make coffee, answer the door and obey everything else I order you to do," Adrian declared, his words ringing in the air with an undeniable authority.

Dan felt a surge of determination welling up within him, an unshakeable resolve to fulfill Adrian's every wish. It was a curious sensation, one that filled him with a strange sense of fulfillment. "Yes, sir," Dan replied, his voice tinged with a fierce determination that surprised even himself. "I will serve you. I am yours to command." And as the aftershocks of pleasure subsided, Adrian's voice sliced through the lingering silence. Adrian quickly called the employment office and his voice pierced through the haze of pleasure. "I've solved the problem," he declared, an air of satisfaction in his tone. "He's so receptive now, that he unhesitatingly embraced his newfound submissive and gay identity. I've brought him on as my devoted assistant - you can remove him from your list." Dan blinked in disbelief, his mind struggling to comprehend the whirlwind of events that had just unfolded. Did he truly agree to everything? Was this newfound revelation his reality now? In the midst of his bewilderment, Dan glanced up at Adrian, who wore a knowing smirk that set his heart aflutter. In that moment, Dan realized the truth - Adrian had molded him into something new, something he never knew he desired. Adrian's smile was triumphant as he gazed down at Dan, his voice filled with authority, "Now, go make us some coffee, and remember, you live to serve me, and only me." Dan nodded, "At your command, sir. I exist to fulfill your wishes." With a snap of Adrian's fingers, Dan rose from his kneeling position and went to prepare the coffee, his mind filled with nothing but unwavering obedience.

#male tf #male transformation #personality change #straight to gay #servant #musclegrowth

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froot-batty · 1 year ago

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post this bird when they least expect it

(LORE BE DOWN THERE)

Oswald Cobblepot was born to a poor family in a small Hungarian village, the eldest child of what would come to be six children. From the moment he could function by himself, he was expected to take up responsibilities around the house - taking care of his siblings, earning a little extra money when he could. Not because his parents were neglectful, but because they were trying to scrape together what little money they earned from multiple jobs. Oz had to help out somehow, because there was no one else to do it.

Oz was 12 when they left Hungary. His father had gotten desperate and had turned to working for some bad people in order to provide for his family. When continuing down that path grew too dangerous, they fled to Britain, where their life was only a tiny bit better. They were still poor, but by now Oz was able to get a couple of real jobs (through lying about his age) to help properly support the family. However, by his early teen years the symptoms of his IED had begun to develop and show, and his frequent outbursts oftentimes got him sacked or even, on a couple of occasions, jailed for short periods of time.

Though he tried his best to keep his head inside of his home, it was something he couldn't control. He would always feel awful about being cruel to his family after the fact, but he had never been the type to apologize with words, so he decided that to pay them back, he needed to provide even more for them.

This is when Oswald began to dip into criminality. He couldn't keep a proper job, but peddling drugs or breaking bones worked just as well (and even paid better, in most cases). His outbursts even helped him, giving him a reputation amongst low-level criminals that eventually grew into recognition from bigger ones.

These more powerful criminals could see that under the anger and the violence, Oswald was actually incredibly cunning when he was allowed to be. He could come up with schemes that, while risky, did prove to pay out in the majority of cases. Eventually, one of Oswald's more frequent employers and a major crime boss decided to take him in, impressed by how naturally he'd taken to the criminal life.

It was through the experience within that crime family where Oswald really honed his skills. He learned how to be intimidating and send a message without doing more than lifting a finger. He was never able to tame his reactions to the slightest provocations, but he learned how to be less impulsive. Throw his tantrums in the moment, but properly plan after he'd calmed down.

With the trust and wisdom gained from this family, Oswald grew...cocky. He felt untouchable; like he could master the game he'd only recently been taught. The money was coming in, he was respected, feared...and it made him feel on top of the world.

This was when he made a plan. A plan that would get him and his family all the money they needed to leave the country and start somewhere new, somewhere where Oswald could create his own criminal empire and shower them all in all the riches they could ever imagine.

He went behind his employer's back and started to feed information to the other crime families. Things that would not only distract his boss, and leave him and his property vulnerable, but endear him to the other families. Slowly, through a lot of verbal manipulation and betrayal, Oswald stole....a ton of money, from a lot of different people. It only made him more and more confident.

Still, despite all he'd done to get where he was, he hadn't really understood that people in this business do whatever it takes to get ahead. Someone snitched on him to his boss, and he was very quickly dragged right back to where he'd started. Oz was briefly tortured for his disloyalty (where he got his blind eye), and then dragged to a scrap yard, where he was put into an old car under a car crusher.

Luckily, the scrap yard they took him to used a very outdated, very slow machine, so Oz was able to figure out a way to escape undetected. It did, however, leave him with a permanently mangled leg, which he didn't have the means to treat at the time. Instead, he used the remaining time to put his escape plan into action. He collected the money he'd squirreled away and took his forged documents onto a boat headed to America, never saying a word to the family he'd leave behind. As long as the world thinks the person he used to be is dead, they're safe, so he's accepted he can never speak to them again.

Gotham City, the world capital of crime, was the perfect place to build his own criminal empire. He doesn't regret anything that lead to where he is now, but sometimes he does miss what he used to have, though he'll kill you before he admits it. But the way he treats the younger members of the rogues gallery - like wayward younger siblings to reluctantly corral - proves that there's a heart somewhere under all of that ice.

#i need to draw his two favorite employees eventually #“i love my stupid dogshit dumbass terrible kids” - oz probably #frootverse #oswald cobblepot #the penguin #batman #rogues gallery #rogue design #my art

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itsbansheebitch · 3 months ago

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This is a fascinating read omg

Points:

Get Congress to understand the Creator Economy

Help creators get tax breaks (as "Self-Employment Tax" takes a huge chunk of their earnings)

Protect kids on YouTube & Make sure child stars on YouTube have secure finances and access to the money they earn.

My Thoughts:

This could be really great for small creators as well as people who's videos take longer to make (ie, animators, artists, researchers, long video games, etc)

It could also give a boost to creators who aren't given the same recognition as the creators at the top of the pile (BIPOC, Queer/Trans, women, etc)

Matpat isn't perfect by any means, but I appreciate him passing the baton like this and taking his work up a notch. This could make a serious difference in people's lives. It seems he really wants to put the support he was given back into the community. It's certainly admirable.

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gatheringbones · 2 years ago

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[“If I were growing up now, I might consider myself trans too,” says my friend Kate. She grew up in the Texas Panhandle during the 1950s and gravitated toward feminism in the 1970s like many of her peers. She adds ruefully: “I’m glad I didn’t have that option.”

Nadia has absorbed those fears, and she wonders whether her friends will see her top surgery as an act of betrayal. Before they left for Florida, Nadia implored her girlfriend, Flora, not to tell lesbian friends of theirs that she’s “getting rid of [her] boobs,” joking that she’d “be out of the club.” Flora says she feared losing access to her lover’s body. Never having undergone surgery before, she was afraid of the unknown. “Will it really solve her problems?” she wondered. Why put yourself through that? And why go to a doctor who specializes in transmale top surgery if you’re not trans yourself?

Nadia has stayed in touch with some of the lesbian-identified people she met online who told her they were having top surgery. A few have since “decided to go on T and now identify as male,” she says. It led Nadia to question her own motivations: “Will I begin to identify as trans? Is removing my breasts some sort of internalized misogyny? Am I betraying the lesbian community?”

The fact that transitioning is now an option for women who identify as male means that Nadia must consider how she wishes to identify herself. Flora reassured her: “Having tissue removed from your body is not going to make you a man.” Several months after she had undergone top surgery, Nadia still sees herself as a woman—albeit a woman without boobs. She has a new job and a new girlfriend—someone she used to work with at the employment counseling nonprofit, who worked with her in her union. Her involvement in the union has energized her in new ways, renewing her commitment to social justice organizing. When we speak, she seems happier and more at ease with her life. Top surgery hasn’t changed her life radically, though it has helped her intimate relationships, she says, and has made her less self-conscious about her body. She goes to the beach or to the Y locker room topless now and no one bats their eyes. “I now look how I’m supposed to look,” she says.

Recently, when she was at a union conference in Las Vegas, Nadia spotted another person at the hotel pool who also had the familiar scars of someone who had had top surgery, who was also there with a girlfriend. Though they didn’t say anything to each other, they looked at each other and shared a glint of recognition. Her story suggests that after being estranged from one another, younger butches and trans men are finding one another and making common cause, welcoming gender-crossers into the Lesbian Nation.

In an effort to blur the boundaries between butch lesbians and transgender men, some have suggested the label “transbutch.” When I ask Nadia whether that label is meaningful to her, she seems unconvinced. “It seems too ‘second wave,’ ” she says. Nadia sees herself as part of feminism’s “third wave,” which is more aware of queer issues and racial diversity, and which refuses to “put people in categories.” Unlike her second-wave feminist foremothers, who, in their enthusiasm for remaking the world, seemed at times pretty prescriptive, she’d prefer to “let them decide for themselves how they identify,” she says. So for now, she’s calling herself “butch and queer.” Or “whatever.”]

arlene stein, from unbound: transgender men and the remaking of identity, 2018

#arlene stein #lesbian literature #gender stuff #currently reading #Joan nestle saying what a young woman from another generation chose to call herself would never threaten me

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buckyssoldat · 2 months ago

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Chapter 57: Serendipity

Warnings: mature themes, mentions of loss and grief, mental health struggles

A/N: This is part of my series, Forsaken - The Fallen Soldier. If you wanna be tagged in this, just send me an ask or a message. Feedback is always appreciated, don’t be shy to share your thoughts on this :)

And I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

Alice had already decided where would be the first stop of her journey: Tokyo. She wanted to go back to Union Bar, check on Hiro, and remind herself of the time she was a mercenary and when by ‘Indigo’.

The journey to Tokyo was a blur of airports, security checks, and long hours on the plane. Alice’s thoughts were a whirlwind, her mind replaying every moment with Steve, every argument, every kiss.

When she finally arrived in Tokyo, the once vibrant energy of the city was now gone due to Thanos’s actions. The streets didn’t buzz with life like they used to. Alice had always loved the city’s chaotic charm, but now it was completely different. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for what lay ahead.

Union Bar was tucked away in a narrow alley, a hidden gem known only to those who needed its services. Alice pushed open the door, the familiar creak bringing back a flood of memories. The bar was dimly lit, the air thick with the scent of whiskey and the hum of quiet conversations. She scanned the room, her eyes searching for a familiar face.

Hiro, the owner and bartender, was behind the counter, his sharp eyes missing nothing. He looked up as she entered, a flicker of recognition crossing his features. “Indigo,” he greeted, his voice warm despite the hard edge it usually carried. “It’s been a long time.”

Alice managed a smile, though it felt fragile. “Too long, Hiro. And it’s Alice now.”

He motioned for her to sit at the bar, pouring her a drink without asking what she wanted. “So, Alice, what brings you back here? Thought you were done with this life.”

Alice took the drink, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction. “I am. But things have a way of pulling you back.”

Hiro nodded, his gaze steady. “I get that. Sometimes the past doesn’t let go so easily.”

She looked around the bar, memories of her time as ‘Indigo’ flooding back. This place was once her sanctuary, a place where she could lose herself in the chaos of her mercenary work. Hiro had been more than just an employer; he had been a friend and a mentor.

“Do you remember the tattoos you did for me back then?” Alice asked, her voice filled with nostalgia.

Hiro smiled, his eyes softening at the memory. “How could I forget? Each one told a story, a piece of who you were.”

Alice traced a finger over the snake tattoo on her arm, a symbol of her past. “They meant a lot to me. Still do.”

Hiro poured himself a drink, raising his glass in a silent toast. “I’m glad. You were always one of my best canvases.”

She hesitated, then asked, “Do you ever think about the ones we lost?”

Hiro’s expression grew sombre. “Every day. We lost good people, friends, family. The worlds changed in an instant.”

Alice nodded, her eyes glistening. “I still see their faces. It’s hard to move on knowing they’re gone because of a madman’s whims.”

Hiro placed a comforting hand on hers. “We honour them by living, by continuing to fight for what they believed in.”

They talked late into the night, reminiscing about old times and catching up on the years that had passed. Hiro didn’t pry into why she had come back, sensing she wasn’t ready to share. Instead, he offered her the comfort of familiarity, a place to rest and relax – the apartment on top of the bar, where she used to stay a few years back.

Over the next few days, Alice found herself falling into a routine. She spent her days exploring Tokyo, losing herself in the city’s streets and ancient temples. The nights were reserved for the Union Bar, where she and Hiro would talk late into the night, their conversations a balm to her troubled soul.

One evening, as the bar was winding down ant the last of the patrons were leaving, Hiro turned to Alice, his expression serious. “You know, if you ever need to work again, there’s always a place for you here.”

Alice shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. “Thanks, Hiro, but I’m not here for that. I need to figure out who I am, away from all this.”

Hiro nodded, his eyes understanding. “Just know that you’re always welcome. Sometimes, finding yourself means coming back to where you started.”

His words lingered with her long after she left the bar that night. Alice wandered through the quiet streets. She found herself at a small park, the cherry blossoms in full bloom despite the late hour. She sat on a bench, the soft petals falling around her like snow.

As she sat there, Alice though about Steve and Natasha, about the life she had left behind. She missed them, missed the way they made her feel safe and loved. But she also knew that she needed this time for herself, to heal and to grow.

The next day, as Alice sat at the bar, she looked at Hiro and made a decision. “Hiro, I wanna ask you a favour.”

“Anything,” he replied, curious.

“I need another tattoo,” she said, her voice steady.

Hiro raised an eyebrow. “You have something specific in mind?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I want it to say, ‘you are free.’ It… It reminds me of someone special.”

Hiro’s eyes softened with understanding. “I’d be honoured to do it, Alice.”

They set up in a back room of the bar, a space Hiro used for his private tattoo sessions. The hum of the tattoo machine was a comforting sound, a reminder of the past but also a promise of a new beginning. As Hiro worked, they talked about everything and nothing, the way old friends do.

When he was finished, Alice looked at the new tattoo in the mirror, her eyes shining with unshed tears. The words ‘you are free’ stood boldly on her skin, just on her left side, next to her chest.

“Thank you, Hiro,” she said, her voice choked with emotion.

Hiro smiled, his eyes warm. “Thank you, Alice, for letting me be a part of your journey.”

Alice said her goodbyes to Hiro, feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety about her next adventure. As she boarded her flight to London, she couldn’t help but replay their conversations in her mind.

The flight was smooth, and Alice spent most of the journey lost in thought, wondering what awaited her in the city of London. Upon arrival, she navigated through the Heathrow Airport, collected her luggage, and hailed a cab to her hotel.

After settling into her room and freshening up, Alice decided to take a walk to explore the area. As she wandered through the historic streets, she marvelled at the blend of old and new architecture, the iconic red buses, and the diverse crowd that made London so vibrant.

She found herself near the British Museum, intrigued by the imposing structure. Deciding to step inside, she walked around the grand halls, taking in the vast collection of artifacts from around the world. It was in the dimly lit section dedicated to ancient Mesopotamia that something unexpected happened.

As Alice rounded a corner, she accidentally bumped into someone. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, looking up to see a woman with dark hair and an ethereal beauty.

The woman smiled warmly. “It’s quite alright. No harm done. I’m Sersi, by the way.”

“And I’m Alice,” she replied, smiling back. Just then, a young girl with an air of mischief approached them.

“Sersi, did you find anything interesting?” the young girl asked, then turned her attention to Alice. Her eyes widened in recognition. “Wait a second, you’re Onyx, right?”

Alice smiled, a hint of surprise. “Yes, that’s right.”

Sprite’s face lit up with excitement. “I’m a huge fan! I can’t believe I’m meeting you in person! Your work as an Avenger is legendary.”

Sersi looked intrigued. “Onyx? An Avenger? Now, this is interesting. Oh, and this is Sprite.”

Alice felt a mix of pride and nostalgia. The last time someone recognized her went horribly. “Thank you, Sprite. It’s great to meet you.”

Sersi’s eyes lit up with interest. “Well, this makes our meeting even more unexpected. You must have some incredible stories.”

Alice smiled. “I suppose I do. But what about you two? Do you come here often?”

“Whenever we can,” Sersi answered while she looked around. “There’s always something new to discover, even in a place like this.”

As they chatted, Alice found herself drawn into their conversation. Sersi and Sprite seemed knowledgeable and passionate about history and artifacts, but there was an air of mystery about them.

They decided to leave the museum together, stepping out into the streets of London. Alice walked alongside her new acquaintances. They continued to talk about the museum, ancient civilizations, and the mysteries of the past.

Sprite’s eyes twinkled with excitement as she glanced at Alice. “So, Alice, what brings you to London? Another adventure?”

Alice smiled. “Just looking for a change of pace. I felt like it was time for a new adventure.”

Sersi nodded thoughtfully. “Sometimes, a change of scenery is exactly what we need to find what we’re looking for.”

Alice couldn’t help but feel there was a deeper meaning to Sersi’ words. “What about you two? Do you live here?”

Sersi and Sprite exchanged a quick look. “We travel a lot,” Sersi said. “There’s so much of the world to see and understand.”

As they walked, Alice noticed they were heading to a café. Sersi gestured towards it. “How about we grab a coffee? I’d love to hear more about your travels, Alice.”

Alice agreed, feeling a sense of camaraderie with Sersi and Sprite. As they settled into a cozy corner of the café, the conversation flowed easily. They talked about their favourite places, strange encounters, and the allure of the unknown.

Sprite, unable to contain her excitement, leaned forward eagerly. “Alice, could you tell us some stories about your Avenger life? I bet you have some amazing tales.”

Alice chuckled. “Sure, Sprite. Where do I start?”

Sprite’s eyes lit up. “How about the time you and the Avengers stopped that alien invasion in New York? I’ve always wanted to hear the inside scoop on that.”

Alice smiled, reminiscing her first kiss with Loki during the battle. “Ah, that was quite a day. The chaos, the teamwork, the sheer adrenaline… It all started when Steve Rogers came to visit me and told me about a new initiative…”

As Alice recounted her experiences, Sersi and Sprite listened intently. Alice spoke about the wins and the losses, the friendships among the Avengers, and the sense of purpose that came with protecting the world. She shared anecdotes about missions gone wrong, close calls, and moments of humour amidst danger.

The stories flowed, and Alice found herself enjoying the trip down memory lane. Sersi and Sprite were captivated, asking questions, and marvelling at the details.

Though they never revealed their true identities or their purpose, Alice felt a strong connection with Sersi and Sprite. There was something extraordinary about them, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that meeting them was no coincidence.

As they parted ways later that afternoon, Sersi handed Alice a small, intricately carved pendant. “A little something to remember us by,” she said with a smile.

Alice accepted the gift, touched by the gesture. “Thank you. I hope we meet again.”

Sersi and Sprite exchanged knowing glances. “I’m sure we will,” Sprite said with a wink.

As Alice walked back to her hotel, she felt a renewed sense of excitement and wonder. Her adventure in London was just beginning, and she knew that meeting Sersi and Sprite was the start of something truly remarkable.

The following day, Alice decided to explore the city some more. She wandered the streets of London, her thoughts still racing from her encounter with Sersi and Sprite. She couldn’t shake the feeling that meeting them was part of something bigger.

As she walked, she saw posters and tributes to the missing, reminders of the half of humanity that had vanished. The world was still reeling from the loss, and every person she passed carried a sense of grief and confusion. It made her even more determined to find meaning in her journey, to discover how she could contribute to the world now reshaped by loss.

Alice decided to immerse herself in the city, hoping that exploring its historic and cultural sites would provide some clarity. She visited the Tower of London, marvelling at the ancient architecture and the stories of intrigue and power that filled its walls.

On the afternoon, as she strolled through the Hyde Park, she found a quiet spot by the Serpentine Lake. The serene environment offered her a chance to reflect on her journey so far. She watched the swans glide across the water and felt a sense of peace she hadn’t experienced in a long time.

As she continued her walk, Alice ventured into Covent Garden, enjoying the livelier atmosphere, with some street performers and market stalls. She browsed through the shops, picking up a few souvenirs to remind her of her time in London.

It was in Covent Garden, among the noise and the groups of people, that she spotted a familiar face. Sersi and Sprite were sitting at an outdoor café, engrossed in conversation. Alice hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should approach them, but then decided to go ahead.

“Sersi, Sprite,” she called out, making her way towards them.

They looked up in surprise, their faces lighting up with recognition and warmth.

“Alice!” Sprite exclaimed, her eyes twinkling with excitement. “What a coincidence!”

Sersi smiled. “It’s good to see you again, Alice. How have you been?”

Alice pulled up a chair and joined them at the table. “I’ve been exploring the city, trying to find my place in all this. It’s been… enlightening.”

Sprite leaned forward, her curiosity evident. “Have you found any answers?”

Alice chuckled softly. “Not all of them, but I feel like I’m getting closer. London has a way of putting things into perspective.”

Sersi nodded. “It’s a city rich in history and resilience. It’s no wonder it’s helping you find your way.”

They spent the next hour chatting, sharing stories of their experiences in London. Sersi and Sprite seemed genuinely interested in Alice’s journey, and she found herself opening up to them.

“I’m planning to leave London soon,” Alice said eventually, a hint of sadness in her voice. “I think it’s time to move on and see where the road takes me next.”

Sprite’s face fell slightly, but she quickly masked it with a smile. “Where to next?”

Alice shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe somewhere quieter, where I can really think.”

Sersi reached across the table, placing a hand on Alice’s. “Wherever you go, remember that you’re not alone. There are people out there who care about you.”

Alice felt a lump in her throat as she nodded. “Thank you, Sersi. That means a lot.”

They finished their drinks and walked through Covent Garden together, enjoying the last few moments of each other’s company. As the sun began to set, casting a golden glow over the city, they reached the edge of the market square.

“We’ll miss you, Alice,” Sprite said, her voice sincere.

Alice smiled, feeling a warmth in her heart. “I’ll miss you too. But I have a feeling our paths will cross again.”

Sersi and Sprite waved goodbye as Alice turned to leave, their figures blending into the crowd of Covent Garden. Alice walked away with a renewed sense of purpose and a heart full of gratitude for the unexpected friendships she had formed.

As she prepared to leave London, she looked back on her time in the city with fondness. It had given her the clarity and strength she needed to continue her journey. With each step she took towards her next destination, Alice felt more confident that she was on the right path, ready to face whatever the future held.

After much contemplation, Alice decided to travel to Bali, Indonesia. The island’s reputation for its natural beauty, spiritual energy, and warm community drew her in, offering the perfect setting for relaxation and self-discovery.

The flight to Bali was a mix of anticipation and hope. As the plane descended, Alice caught sight of the island’s greenery and stunning coastline, filling her with a sense of excitement. She felt that this was where she needed to be.

Upon arrival, Alice found a cozy guesthouse near the beach, a simple yet charming place that felt welcoming. She quickly settled into a routine of leisurely walks on the beach, exploring local markets, and soaking in the serene beauty of her surroundings.

One afternoon, while enjoying a quiet moment at a beachfront café, she struck up a conversation with a local woman named Ayu. Ayu was in her early forties, with a warm smile and a friendly demeanour that put Alice at ease. They quickly bonded over their shared love of the ocean and a good cup of coffee.

As they talked, Ayu shared her story. She owned a small bar on the beach, a popular spot for both locals and tourists. She mentioned how she had always dreamed of running her own business and creating a space where people could relax and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

“You should come by the bar tonight,” Ayu suggested. “I think you’ll like it. We have live music, and the sunset view is incredible.”

Alice smiled, feeling a sense of connection and curiosity. “I’d love to. Thanks, Ayu.”

That evening, Alice made her way to Ayu’s bar. The place was everything Ayu had described and more. It had a rustic charm, with lanterns hanging from the trees, a bamboo bar, and colourful cushions scattered around for seating. The sound of gentle waves lapping at the shore provided a soothing backdrop to the live acoustic music.

Alice found a spot and watched as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. She felt a deep sense of peace, more than she had felt in a long time.

Over the new few days, Alice became a regular at the bar. She enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere and the friendly conversations with Ayu and the other patrons. One evening, as they were closing, Ayu approached her with a proposition.

“You know, Alice, we could use some extra help around here. The place gets busy, and I think you’d fit right in. How would you feel about working here for a while?”

Alice’s eyes lit up at the idea. “I’d love to, Ayu. It sounds perfect.”

And so, Alice began working at Ayu’s bar. She found joy in the simple tasks of serving drinks, chatting with customers, and helping with the day-to-day operations. The work was fulfilling, and the camaraderie with Ayu and the rest of the staff made her feel like part of a family.

The weeks flew by in a blur of laughter, music, and stunning sunsets. Alice felt herself healing, the weight of her past lifting as she immersed herself in the present. The bar became a place where she could be herself without the burden of her past.

One evening, the tranquillity of the night was shattered when a group of armed men burst into the bar, their faces masked and their intentions clear.

The sudden intrusion sent shockwaves through the crowded bar, patrons recoiling in fear as the armed men shouted threats and demands for money. Alice’s heart pounded in her chest as she took in the scene, her mind racing as she assessed the situation.

Without hesitation, she sprang into action. Years of training had sharpened her reflexes and combat skills, and she knew she had to act quickly to protect those around her.

Focused, Alice moved with precision, her movements fluid as she weaved between tables and patrons. She dodged the swings of the assailants’ weapons, their movements clumsy compared to her own.

With a swift kick, Alice knocked a weapon out of the hands of one of the intruders, sending it clattering to the floor. She followed up with a series of quick strikes, each one calculated to disarm and incapacitate her opponents.

The room erupted into chaos as tables overturned and glasses shattered, but Alice remained focused, her mind clear and her movements swift. She knew that every second counted, and she refused to let them win.

Ayu watched in awe as Alice effortlessly subdued the would-be robbers, her movements a blur of speed and precision. It was as if she were dancing, her every step calculated and deliberate as she fought to protect those around her.

As the last of the intruders fell to the ground, Alice breathed a sigh of relief, her pulse still racing in adrenaline. She quickly moved to secure the assailants, tying them up with makeshift restraints to prevent them from causing any further harm.

Ayu approached her with a mixture of astonishment and gratitude. “I… I don’t know what to say,” she stammered, her voice trembling. “You… you were incredible, Alice. I’ve never seen anyone handle a situation like that before.”

Alice offered a reassuring smile, her adrenaline still coursing through her veins. “It was nothing, Ayu. I’m just glad everyone is okay.”

But Ayu couldn’t shake the feeling of awe and admiration for Alice’s bravery. “You’re more than just a bartender, Alice. You’re a hero.”

As the police arrived to take the would-be robbers into custody, Ayu and the other patrons gathered around Alice, expressing their gratitude and admiration. The tension of the moment dissolved into a sense of relief, as they celebrated Alice’s courage and fighting skills.

In the aftermath of the incident, Ayu looked at Alice with newfound respect and admiration. She realized that there was more to Alice than met the eye, and she felt honoured to have her as a part of the bar’s community.

Four months passed since Alice arrived at Bali. She continued working at the bar and, thankfully, there were no more incidents.

One evening, as they were cleaning up after another busy night, Ayu turned to Alice with a thoughtful expression. “You know, Alcie, you’ve brought a lot of positive energy to this place. We’re really going to miss you when you leave.”

Alice smiled, feeling a pang of sadness at the thought of leaving. “I’ll miss you all too, Ayu. This place has become a second home to me.”

Ayu hugged her tightly. “Promise you’ll come back and visit?”

“I promise,” Alice replied, her voice filled with emotion.

Ayu had a heartfelt expression of gratitude on her face. “Thank you, Alice,” she said, her voice chocked with emotion. “For everything. You’ll always have a place here, whenever you need it.”

Alice smiled, feeling a sense of pride and fulfilment. Bali had given her more than just relaxation; it had given her a chance to rediscover her strength and resilience. She said her farewells to the other employees, who were all sad to hear she was leaving.

As Alice prepared to leave Bali, her mind filled with memories of her time at Ayu’s bar and the friendships she had forged there. But amidst the bittersweet farewells, one thought lingered in her mind: Steve.

With a mixture of anticipation and trepidation, Alice reached for her phone, her fingers hovering over the familiar contact. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation to come.

With a determined resolve, she dialled Steve’s number, her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for him to pick up.

After a few rings, Steve’s voice came through the line, filled with warmth and concern. “Alice? Is everything okay?”

Alice took a moment to compose herself before speaking, her voice steady despite the tumult of emotions withing her. “Hey, Steve. Yeah, everything’s fine. I just… I wanted to hear your voice.”

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line, and Alice could sense the tension in Steve’s voice as he replied. “I’ve missed you, Alice. More than you know.”

Her heart ached at his words, the weight of their separation pressing down on her. “I’ve missed you too, Steve.”

They fell into an easy rhythm of conversation, catching up on the events of the past few months and sharing stories. Despite the distance between them, their connection remained strong.

As the speakers of the airport announced Alice’s flight, she felt a sense of peace settle over her. “I’ll be coming back soon, Steve,” she said, her voice filled with determination. “I promise.”

Steve’s response was filled with hope and longing. “I’ll be here waiting for you, Alice. Always.”

With a heavy heart but renewed resolved, Alice ended the call, a sense of clarity washing over her. Bali had been a journey of self-discovered and healing, but now it was time to move on.

As she boarded her flight to Reykjavik, her mind filled with thoughts of the future. No matter where her journey took her next, one thing was certain: New York would always be her home.

tags: @capswife

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