#Took you only 8 days actually
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"We should hang out this summer" on god bro? so you'll respond to my messages right? yes, you agree?
#bro how we gonna spend time together if you won't even open the gc#“you never wanna go anywhere” yeah cause you ignore me for 7 weeks and then slide in like let's go out RIGHT NOW#“We should hang out” but actually you mean *I* should be on standby for you and *you* should just vibe as you wish#fuck off man#Effort both ways or not at all#i have no problem returning the energy actually#ghosting and getting interested *only* when they realize you're not responding to them after a while#“why are you ignoring me” Oh hello to you too#Took you only 8 days actually
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I post all this happy shit about him bc we have good times but in reality I’m done. I’m so fucking done. He does nothing but drain me 24/7. I’m constantly the fucking problem. He never owns up to his faults, he’ll swear me out, blame me for everything and act like everything’s fine the next day. I try to find solutions and he ignores me. I need time away to think after a problem? He’s pissed. But when he needs time he gets it. I love him with my entire heart but I’m so drained.
#personal#he got mad bc I went on a website. (you can’t even talk to people btw it’s a reading website)#he can have single in his bio and refuse to change it but he HAS to be known on my part. I can’t have single or an empty bio#he got pissed bc I didn’t tell him one relationship I had. like bro I’ve told you mainly all#you’ve only told me one#he’s currently ignoring me bc I won’t get into an hour Uber alone. nice to know my safety isn’t priority#he’s gotten mad at me for having an ED bc he ‘couldn’t cook’ you have like 8 others to cook for?? instead of helping me#he told me my PTSD was nothing and I’d get over it#He refuses to let me have fun and tells me my high scores aren’t real bc nobody plays anymore#I’ll tell him the best part of my day and he says ‘cool’#he took my virginity away without asking me. aka tech rape bc I wouldn’t said no bc ofc he didn’t ask#would’ve*#I’m done.#like so done#and the fact that I defended him from it bc I “enjoyed it’ really didn’t tho bc it was unexpected and not wanted.#and istg if I do end up pregnant from it#I’m losing it#like I’ll actually lose my mind#I’m tired of picturing him as this good guy bc that’s what he wants#I can’t talk to people from my past but he can#I’m the ONLY ONE keeping this relationship alive and cutting people out of my life who seem like a risk to it
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okay but I feel like shang-chi would not have passed the progenitor's judgement. right? he's taken over the five weapons society from his father and he's trying to make it better and he's just not succeeding.
takeshi, his brother, was imprisoned for stealing a cosmic cube. his fault? absolutely. but shang-chi was more loyal to his ideals of justice and making a Good Society than his brother's freedom. again, fine. but he promised takeshi that he wanted to be nothing like his father. and then he put his ideals, noble as they were, above his family just like his father did.
shi hua, his twin sister. his twin he failed to protect. he values his strength so highly and he didn't ever use it to protect her from their father. not even after he knew what was really going on, not even after he returned as the leader of the society. he ran away and he left her.
zhilan, his mutant sister, hunted by their father. shang-chi swore to her, he swore that he was going to change the society, that they would never go back to their father's ways. and now there are ten rings on his arms, the same ten rings that corrupted their father into the man that hurt him and tried to kill her. and she can't help but wonder when that idealism becomes zealotry.
and then there's esme. little esme, who is only thirteen, who has never gotten to be a child. who he treats as if she is as much of a soldier as her siblings. she is. she is not. she is thirteen years old and she's been trained to be a deadly warrior her whole life. she should be able to be so much more. he has a responsibility to this youngest of his sisters. here is his chance to undo everything his father ever stood for, to give this child the chance to do normal child things. to be treated like a thirteen-year-old girl instead of a deadly weapon. and he doesn't. he treats her as just as much of a warrior as the other adults. he sends her off to run the house of the deadly dagger on her own. he expects the same things of her as their father.
and lin lie (don't even get me started on lin lie) who is dead. (at least as far as he knows.) shang-chi was supposed to look after him and he's dead. he trained the kid, he taught him to use his sword and how to fight without it and patience and strategy and he loved lin lie like a little brother. and lin lie died alone in korea, falling from a cliff, saving their teammate. and shang-chi wasn't there. he could have saved them both if he was. he wanted to use his skills to be a hero, right? but instead he was with the society. trying to fix it, sure, to make it into something better, but he still prioritized it over his team. his friends.
and ultimately he's not a good enough son either. he's not a good supreme commander. the society is fracturing, his men are betraying him, his ancestral home is destroyed and he's forced to start over again in new york. he's not reforming his father's society, he's running it into the ground. he's not melting it down and molding it into something new, he's just building sandcastles out of the ashes.
no one would pass shang-chi. not even himself.
#shang chi#marvel comics#judgement day#I'm so sorry if you were on here because you liked my batfamily thoughts and you've just been blindsided by this monologue about comics#I'm doubly sorry if you saw shang-chi and got excited and then realized I was talking about comics characters you're unfamiliar with#I'm triply sorry if for some reason you're following the judgement day tag and you just came across this I hope you have a nice day#I actually wrote this july 8 2023 and archived it to post when I was more confident#but I'm getting over my silly self and it only took twelve and a half days yay me!#kili is rambling again
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Y'all I so want to participate in InuKag Week but I don't think I even have the energy to pick up a pen let alone draw stuff 😩😭
#i just got back from a week and a half learning how to drive by my brother and let me tell you he took the job VERY SERIOUSLY#which is good but he'd drag me outta bed by 8 or sometimes 6 so we could practice#plus we did a lot of stuff together or had friends of his and family come over to interact with or entertain#I actually had a mothers day drawing I got started on but couldn't finish bc we were so busy.#i still might post it tho so don't worry#and then we drove down to FL where we met up with my mom and aunt and stayed a few days#then we had to rush home because I had work scheduled this weekend#so then we got home and i had barely 45 minutes to get dressed for work & I finished work only for us to go to dinner bc it was my b-day#and then I worked again today and tomorrow will be the first day in forever where I dont need to be anywhere and meet people#oh and I also have summer classes starting on May 30th#I had a lot of fun of course and I enjoy seeing people and like my job but I'm so freaking tired guys and my feet hurt😩#so of I end up not posting any art for InuKag Week ya'll will at least know I'm not dead#i know I usually only post 1 or 2 drawings for the Week anyway but still#inuyasha#kagome higurashi#inukag#the hanyou and his miko#inukag week#inukag week 2023#story of my life
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Christ I wish I had been given a better heads-up abt what iud insertion entailed. If you have bad cramps on periods, know that they like. Grab Your Cervix which, for me, Induced the worst cramps of my entire whole life even on painkillers and weed gummy, and continued for a day
#text#paersonal#so fucking unfair that having a vagina is a one way ticket to medieval torture.#if you show a cis man a speculum they rightfully freak tf out jdbjdbd#fuck this shit man...#like its been a while but im thinking abt it bc was trying to nap and failed and mind was wandering and jfc#next time i am absolutely a. asking for the smaller speculum and b. going somewhere they actually have anesthesia etc#at least it lasts for 8 years#and it only took 3 minutes#but the way they describe shit is not how it turned out for me lol#like regular pain vs Cramps Pain The Worst Of My Life are two v different things#and i have a pretty high pain tolerance...#even premedicated it was so rough#which this isnt me saying dont get it bc again. 8 years vs three minutes (and a day of very bad cramps)#and it varies by person#its just nice to have a heads up#and know how to remedy#i.e. premedicate and go somewhere w anesthesia#the cramps for that day were more tolerable than the three minutes but good god
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i wish there were more weird little girls at work. i keep telling my coworkers "oh yeah i was just like them when i was little hahaha" in regards to excitable boys with impulse issues, but when the other day i was thinking "oh yeah there's Always going to be that one girl hanging out with the guys instead of other girls" i surveyed the room and realized we have never had any such thing, at least while i've been working here. which, granted, has only been two years, but it's still kind of surprising to me
#it never really occurred to me how gnc i was growing up behaviorally bc aesthetically i liked gender conformity#i arguably still like gender conformity today but i feel like if you have to argue For it being gender conforming it's automatically gnc#like. at least a Little Bit.#the worm speaks#we DO have a little boy who's always hanging out w/all the girls at work tho#like last year i chalked it up to him being really little but other boys his age are usually hanging out w/the other boys#anyway this post is actually abt this little boy at work who was chewing on his shirt all day yesterday#until it was soaked all the way down the front bc he couldn't find his chewy thing to bring to camp#and it unlocked my own childhood memories of doing that Exact Same Thing until i was like 8 or 9 too!!!!#he was kicking the table during a craft the other day n i was kind of exasperated but curious abt him bc he talks back a bit#n so i crouched down next to him n was like 'hey buddy. why are you kicking the table.' n he was like 'too much energy'#like immediately. and you have no idea how nice that was to hear bc FINALLY... A DIRECT ANSWER FOR BEHAVIORAL ISSUES...#n so i went n got permission from the other counselors n my boss n took him specifically to run around outside to let it all out#he slowed to a walk after like a minute n a half n i was like 'woah that was fast'#<-- was prepared to have to run around for 20 minutes#but he only said 'probably' when i asked if he could sit quietly when we got back so i said 'let's keep going until that's a definitely'#and you know what... he was well-behaved for the rest of the day when we got back#like initially i was exasperated w/him bc i had to tell him multiple times Consecutively not to do a thing. truly ruler of his own land#but then i started going 'yes and' with him when he got struck out in dodgeball and he started plotting revenge against a diff counselor LO#like yes he got up multiple times to sneak back into the game to throw balls at that specific counselor.#but he also kept missing and he'd come right back to the bench right after lamenting his failed schemes#which made me go 'oh he's not being willfully disobedient for the sake of it. he understands the idea of rules n a social contract'#'he is being disobedient bc he sees how farcidical it is to be perfectly stuffy abt rules' or smth like that#and also he has no impulse control bc he is a child that i am quite sure is neurodivergent godbless#but just the fact that he behaves himself very well when allowed to get his eccentricities out leads me to believe he's being raised well#...this could've just been a dreamwidth post lol
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reduced to tears trying to clean out my inbox
#failed extraordinarily at all of this.#1. i did not go and be great. i got kicked out of school#2. did not enjoy it. struggled with depression the whole time and got bullied and ostracized by the only friend i had#3. fell for the foolishness of the person who was being mean to me#4. never texted or called anyone. felt too ashamed to ask for help or admit anything was wrong because its fucking embarrassing to be upset#that someones being mean to you as a grown ass adult#5. took part in activities that took up all of my time and i didnt have enough time to do my actual work#6. didnt study hard. didnt even go to classes. became a recluse and would stay in my room for days at a time because i felt super ashamed o#myself after my 'friend' told me they were embarrassed to be associated with me for being autistic (flat out told me this)#7. friend making did Not Go Well#8. tried to change everything about myself after being told i was an embarrassment to be around#9. never called my mum. on the rare occasions that i did i told her everything was going great#fuck.#im the biggest failure i know#wasted 20k on the worst year of my life.#im gonna be sick
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I ask myself the following question: why is it so difficult to get your attention on Mahmoud's (@mahmoudjumaa1238) campaign? Is it because you do not realize the constant danger he is in? Is it because he doesn’t share every detail of his life? Is it because he does not post any photos of himself? So you would think he is safe, but he is not!
Heavy shootings 2 days ago, 4 people killed in a strike 3 days ago, a school was shelled 8 days ago... That's only a fraction of every attack by the IOF on the Nuseirat refugee camp where Mahmoud is. There are mass massacres happening every week and he is close to it! Let me remind you of the Nuseirat massacre, where the IOF disguised as aid workers infiltrated the camp and killed 274 people and injured 700 more?
What gets to me the most is he could have not been under all this danger. He started his campaign in MARCH, had to reduce his goal 2 times because of the lack of donations and it took him months to just get to €10k. Meanwhile the border was closed and he is now stuck in a constant warzone with inflated prices and diseases spreading around. If people actually paid attention to his fundraiser from the start, took to heart the many tweets he made (almost daily) to share his campaign, he would've had enough funds to evacuate Gaza months ago. He would be in a safer place!
Please stop ignoring him and donate to him so he can purchase basic necessities that are essential for his survival. Mahmoud has lost a lot, including his best friend who has been martyred 10 days ago! We can't keep him waiting like this, losing his loved ones one by one. How much does he have to go through before people start realizing they need to help him, if they ever will?
Support him by donating here
(vetted by @gazafunds)
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How on earth to get the motivation to draw what I want to draw.
I have two projects that I'm working on (yeah I know what an idiot putting more on their own plate) and each has a good plan, great concept!! I just need to actually do the legwork.
First is going to be a book / story / journal type thing for Professor Pine of the [REDACTED] region, who is a space-time researcher. Right now she's in an alternate version of Platinum, where I randomized pokemon and types and abilities, it's more on the space-rift than the time-rift like PLA.
Second is a videogame webcomic about four furry lesbian friends who have entered a magical video game landscape, where it has a nice split off for single player, but they can merge the timelines and hang out/quest together whenever they want, so long as the quests they do together don't conflict. (I.E Stormcloak Argonian and High Elf [deer] Imperial can work together on the Dawnguard quests, but they can't do any stormcloak/imperial questlines while working together, due to being on opposing sides.) It's more of a slice of life type comic with a background story, but I gotta draw in order to publish. (And since it's furry based, I wanna sketch out a lineup of the skyrim races as different furry races for myself, then do intros to each one, spread out naturally (like when you ask a Khajit about Khajits). Primarily Skyrim but they can also take "breaks" into other games.
Essentially the four are an Argonian (newt), a Khajit (calico), an Orc (boar I'm thinking), and a high elf (deer, she's trans and she also uses a wheelchair and it can fly because magic is real in skyrim and also other video games) - they're all lesbians, they all fall for different ladies in various games. Boar is poly and has a whole harem of other wives, including Deer (who has one more wife - I'm THINKING Shahvee, because reasons). Each one visits different places that match their personalities, that way if I wanna draw a stardew mini-comic with my cat furry, I darn well CAN. I also want to play with color theory and brushes to give each player's setting a different feel, and when they're together the styles combine.
The Pokedex one will obviously come out first when I do get past this art block, but I want do BOTH and hand says no! Hand wants REST! Hand not like having to work job then come home and work projects!!!
#projects#to do list#me already ignoring -tober after 8 days#please note the characters have real names i promise#I just don't want to give out too much info too early#and I worry the comic will have the issue all my writing teachers have where I enjoy having multiple main characters too much#also can't wait for you all to fight me over my imperial high elf and stormcloak orc dating and being girlfriends#I actually want to approach stormcloaks with more nuance than the games have which is only for those reading my tags#it REALLY bugs me that the games paint them as super racist when they're the only city that took in the Dunmer refugees in bulk#and their main issue is on religious freedom#part of it is the stormcloak guards / windhelm guards are the ones always saying "oh go over to the elf's store for buying and selling#his prices are great and we like him a lot and he'll buy things from you#AS A LAST THOUGHT#my poor high elf deer is running thieves guild#and there are SO MANY GODDAMN STEPS#She's gonna get the levitation spell early it's just very funny that her storyline so far involves the most steps
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Little Angel
Pairing: Spencer Reid × virgin!fem reader
Genre: SMUT, some fluff, a little tiny smidge of angst. MINORS DNI 18+
Summary: As the youngest and most innocent member of the BAU, they all take care of their little angel. When they find out just how innocent you are, though, one member takes his possession to the next level. You're his little angel, and he's determined to have you.
Warnings: loss of virginity, loss of innocence, degradation, pet names, oral sex, thigh riding, fingering, cum marking, love bites, Spencer is territorial and possessive, Dom! Spencer Reid, PinV sex, mentions breeding, but he pulls out.
A/N: We've reached Day 8 of kinktober! It's our second "long" fic, meaning there's a bit more plot to this, and the smut scene is longer too (WC is almost 7k!) I hope you love this one just as much as I did... The kinktober masterlist can be found here, and my regular masterlist is here too! If you want something specific, my requests are open ❤️
Your first three months with the BAU were a blur, and for good reason. Endless cases, back-to-back, interrupted only by the slight hint of a weekend or the ever possible death row interview. You were tired, stressed, and afraid to walk home alone at night, and absolutely satisfied. As far as you were concerned, it was all worth it to get these monsters off the streets, to help save their victims and to find out what made them tick. There was nothing else you'd rather be doing.
The team had helped you settle in well, too. You'd joined the team after Alex Blake had left - she'd recommended you actually from the college seminars you'd taken with her. You were obviously lacking a bit of experience, so they took on two team members, and you and Kate Callahan had the great opportunity of both being the newbie. But you had a slight disadvantage of age, coming in as the youngest member of the team. You thought that might be why you'd settled in so well, in all honesty.
Hotch and Rossi were both protective in a fatherly way. Hotch pushed you and Rossi encouraged you and that was everything you needed from them. A strong pat on the back at the end of a case and a "you did good, kid," and whatever hell they'd pushed you through, it was worth it. Morgan's tough love was brotherly, but he did a great job at getting you to relax on and off the case, reminding you to not take the work home. JJ and Kate were great mentors. It wasn't easy being women in the FBI, let alone the unit that specifically looked into some of the most misogynistic killings, rapes and abductions in the world. They both gave you tips about how to handle condescending officers, and JJ had held your hair back after you'd puked your guts up on a particularly harrowing day in the field. With Penelope, friendship was easy, and you loved talking to her about whatever hyperfixation you were on that week, loving that there was someone on your team that had filled their life with genuine joy in the face of so much horror.
And Spencer. Honestly, you were beginning to think that you'd used Spencer as a human stuffed toy a bit too much.
You don't know how it happened at first, just that after one of your first few cases, you'd been so elated to find a victim alive, safe but traumatised, that you'd thrown yourself into his arms the minute you got back to the precinct.
"We did it, I thought she was going to be dead, Spencer but she isn't." Your head was pressed into his chest, you were almost surprised he even heard them, muffled as they were. If you weren't so elated, you'd have noticed the way he'd stiffened at your touch, panicking slightly before awkwardly wrapping his arms around you, too. But you pulled away before you could notice that he wasn't really used to any physical comfort, bouncing off to write up your case report.
Spencer noticed, though. Noticed how the heat of your body made him feel comforted, the way his heart rate increased to 125 BPM from it's base rate and didn't fall back to normal for another half hour. He noticed that you smelt like jasmine and patchouli, and more importantly, he noticed that he didn't really care if you touched him, and that was new.
It became a kind of ritual for you, finding him after a case and folding into his arms to celebrate. They were friendly hugs, after all, a sign that you'd been through hell together, and you'd made it through like avenging angels. They only lingered longer when the cases went badly. You turned to crying in his arms after you'd discovered the body of a dead street girl, Veronica, in pieces in the house of an unsub who'd committed suicide by cop moments earlier.
"I told her she'd be safe if she talked to us, Reid. I told her we'd protect her, that I'd protect her." You were so hurt by that failure that he'd had to drive you home that night, holding your hand the entire way so you didn't feel so alone, left to fester in your guilt.
The rest of the team had begun teasing you about the hugs, but you'd brushed them off. You hugged everyone else too, and you knew for a fact that Penelope hugged every member of the team, so there was nothing special going on between you and Spencer. No one had deigned to inform you of Spencer's germophobia and aversion to touch.
"Gonna tell me what that's all about?" Morgan asked Spencer as you bounced away from a hug one day, leaving to remove your FBI vest.
"What what's all about?" He replied coldly, turning away to remove his own vest, replacing it with his blazer.
"What, you don't have a statistic for how many germs are passed between people during a hug, Kid, come on, you were practically smelling her hair." The older man's eyebrows raised in a question again, but Spencer continued to blow him off.
"I hug people all the time, it's not a big deal." He shrugged.
"It took you four years to return one of Penelope's hugs, and you still only do that on special occasions. That's not all the time."
"Derek, just drop it. There's nothing going on, she just… She just does it sometimes."
It was when you'd hugged him in the middle of the office, without a case to use as an excuse, that you noticed an underlying tension in the office. You were all celebrating, of course, Callahan had just announced her pregnancy, and you were all so happy for her. You'd heard the happy news and instantly turned and thrown yourself into Spencer's arms. Even you weren't sure why, not even questioning it until you saw the awkward glances on the other profilers' faces. You brushed it off by rushing to give each of them hugs, and running out in a mad flush, needing air, or water or something to get you out of what was looking more and more like an interrogation room.
A few cases later, the entire team headed to O'Keefe's to celebrate.
"To another case successfully solved," Morgan toasted, and you all joined him, lifting your glasses in triumph.
"To the wonders of non-alcoholic beer," chimed in Kate, leaving you all laughing together. The booth was small, and as usual, you'd found yourself sat right in the arms of Spencer Reid. You hadn't intended it, honestly, having slightly avoided him recently, but you'd followed Penelope into her side of the circular table, and Reid had followed you. You were sat squished between them, your arms resting awkwardly on your lap between drinks.
"Okay, a night of drinking is slightly boring without some games to spice things up, what do you say, hot chocolate?" Penelope said, addressing Morgan who was on her other side.
"I'm all ears, baby girl. What were you thinking?"
"How about twenty questions? We already know a lot about each other, let's see what we don't know?" Kate suggested, thriving off of the knowledge that as the sole sober member present, she'd hold all the cards tomorrow.
"What, how is asking questions a game?" Reid questioned jokingly from beside you. "That's just an interrogation or a therapy session, there's no winner or loser."
Already slightly buzzing from your drink, you turned to him and out your fingers in his lips, shushing him.
"No time for logic in matters of the bottle, Spencer. Let's play." He pulled your fingers off him, but nodded, holding them in his grip still as you turned back to the table.
"I'll start! JJ, are you and Will thinking of having more baby LaMontagne's?" Penelope jumped at the chance to probe her teammate, and you laughed at her enthusiasm.
"There have been discussions, but I'll not confirm or deny yet." JJ said, taking a sip of her drink as she slyly avoided a direct answer.
"I always forget why you were so good with the press, Miss No Answers. Okay, your turn to ask a question."
"Okay, Morgan. Are you thinking of popping the question to Savannah anytime soon?"
"Did she send you?" He laughed and took a drink. "If I do, she'll be the first to know."
The game went back and forth like this for a few rounds before Penelope turned the spotlight back to you.
"Okay, Y/N. You were a college student recently, I know you've got some wild stories. Where's the craziest place you've ever done it?" You knew Penelope didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. She was just an open person.
But you shifted in your seat nonetheless, trying to figure out if you could answer or even if you would. Your tongue was a bit looser than you expected though, because before you could even finish thinking you just blurted it out.
"Nowhere."
The others blinked at you slightly before Penelope dived in with another question.
"Is that Nowhere, Oaklahoma, or you're just not having sex in crazy places?"
"No. I'm not… I'm not having sex. Period. Never have." You felt yourself shrink as the other members of the team awkwardly apologised for probing you so much. Really it wasn't that big of a deal, and it wasn't as if you were saving it for religious or moral reasons. But you'd not been the most popular teenager, and you'd started studying serial killers and sociopaths so early that you really hadn't wanted to get so intimate with someone else like that.
Unbeknownst to you, Spencer's grip on his own drink had tightened ever so slightly, his heart race had picked up again, and suddenly the hand that was holding yours suddenly let you go, quietly dropping your fingers like they were glowing cinders, and he was dripping in gasoline, waiting to ignite.
Lust. He felt sick with himself for the images that were suddenly flashing through his mind now that he knew you'd never been held in that way, trying not to fantasise about you underneath him, holding him, begging him, feeling all of him. He took another swig of his drink and politely excused himself to get another as he let himself catch some air, as the sudden realization that he wanted you - and had wanted you for quite some time now - finally hit him.
The next couple of weeks were normal, and you were thankful to have that discussion behind you. No one treated you differently, acted like you were more of a child than before, asked you how your dating life was or set you up on blind dates, which was really refreshing actually. You'd let some friends know previously, and that's all they'd done, surprised that you could live ignorant to wonders of sex without shrivelling up and dying.
The only thing that was different was Spencer. And that wasn't really difference so much as growing more comfortable with each other. He'd rest his hand on the small of your back now in support sometimes, or have a hand slung over the back of your chair when sitting together. He was constantly at your side, especially if you were around male suspects or officers who'd taken a bit of a ballsy approach.
You liked it, probably a bit too much. You gravitated towards him in a room filled with people, and found yourself hugging him more often, when you left a room, when you entered one, when he looked like he needed it. Which, recently, was all the time. A month went by with this increased comfort level, and soon you found yourself feeling wrong if his hands weren't on you.
He stood close to you all the time, and you noticed the stares you were getting from everyone else. A few officers who'd approach you would apologise to him when they noticed him at your back, hand on your hip as he pulled you away.
After one case, you could even swear that you felt more than him than you were expecting. He'd moved away slightly in between one of your hugs, but you'd pulled his arms back around you and stepped closer, pressing your back against his chest, letting your head rest on his arms. Something hard and long wedged up against your ass, and in a split second he was pulling away before you could ask him about it. He excused himself, and you felt your body burn up. It was Spencer, it was just Spencer and that wasn't because of you, it was some other reason.
Spencer didn't know what he was doing. He grew more possessive over you by the day, and he'd honestly nearly bitten the head off an officer who asked him for your number.
"Sorry, she doesn't have a phone."
"But I saw her with one earlier. Look I get it she's FBI, and you guys are-"
"Okay, so she's not interested."
"Hey, why don't you let her decide that wise guy?"
"Oh sure, get angry I'm sure she'd love that. She's not interested, she has me." He couldn't help himself from getting in the officers face at that, and Morgan had to pull him back from the edge.
"Wow, wow, hey, calm down." The officer stormed out, and he felt triumphant for only a second before Morgan rounded on him.
"Whatever this thing you've got going on, Spencer, you need to get it out of your system as soon as possible." His voice was low and stern, throwing a glance over his shoulder to where you were sitting, staring confusedly through the glass at Spencer, whose eyes refused to move from your own.
" I just wanted him to back off, she doesn't like him like that."
"No, you wanted him to back off because you've marked her like some animal marking its territory. She's not your prey, Spencer, she's our team member, now you're gonna have to get your act together and leave her alone, because we've got work to do."
Sighing and throwing his hands through his hair again, he finally looked away from you and gathered his breath. He wanted to stop this too, this horrible perverted feeling of needing his hands on you, wanting to possess you day and night. To protect you. He just wasn't sure if he was strong enough to do that.
The next time you all went to O'Keefe's he certainly tried. You expected him to follow you into the booth again - he didn't, sitting opposite you next to JJ. You expected him to talk to you or look at you for more than a second at a time - he didn't, avoiding most conversations entirely and keeping his eyes fixed on the bar. You certainly expected him to still be sat at the table when you returned from the bathroom, ready to slip into the seat beside him, force him to talk to you. Instead he was gone, and you scanned the rest of the bar trying to locate him.
Something green and vile jumped you when you finally locked onto him, stood at the bar, surrounded by other women. Surrounded was maybe an exaggeration, as there were really only two of them, but they were practically draping themselves over him, and for some reason that set something alight inside of you.
You watched them for a moment, how one of them trailed a hand up his arm as he shuddered away from their touch, the other pressing herself against the bar so her chest pushed up dramatically. The green bile in your throat carried your feet forwards, and before you knew it, you were clearing it from your throat to grab their attentions.
"Spencer, there you are!" You brightened your tone specifically, as you locked eyes with his panicked ones. The two girls looked you up and down as you moved closer, brushing past them to climb up right into his lap on the barstool, pulling his arm around you as you pressed your ass into his crotch.
"Are you going to introduce me to your new friends?" The smile didn't reach your eyes as you let your back rest against his chest comfortably, watching the women to see their reactions. The one touching him pulled her arm back instantly, and the other readjusted her dress before they both left silently, carrying their glasses back to wherever they came from.
You watched them leave a little triumphantly before the green faded, and you realised what you had done.
"Y/N…?" His voice was hesitant in your ear, and you shivered slightly before pushing off of him.
"I'm so sorry, Spence, it just- it… looked like you were hard." You panicked again, pushing closer to him. "No, like you were in a hard situation, not that you were," your hand accidentally dropped to his crotch as you spoke your final words: "Hard."
He twitched beneath you as you finally looked down to where your hand was, as his mouth opened to say something.
"Y/N…" was all you heard before you turned around, and fast walked to the entrance, picking your bag up quickly on the way, and then sprinted the second the cold air hit your face.
You cursed yourself inwardly as you ran the three blocks more to your apartment, thankful that you were at least in walking (or apparently running) distance. What the hell had you been thinking? Practically sexually harassing one of your coworkers like that, grabbing his dick, albeit accidentally.
You slammed your door shut behind you, leaning against it and sliding to the floor as you finally accepted that whatever this was with Reid, it wasn't friendship for you anymore. And you weren't sure if it had ever been.
With your head between your legs, arms wrapped tightly around yourself, you started replaying each moment with him, each touch from the very first. How even the memory of a brush past you could excite a fire in your heart, a heat between your legs growing by the second.
You wanted to crawl pathetically into bed and not think about him until the next morning at work, but fate, or Doctor Spencer Reid, had other plans.
The knock at your door was sudden and incessant, the banging starting loud, and staying consistent until you tentatively pulled it open.
He was stood there, chest heaving, looking down at you, sweat coating his forehead.
"Can I… Come in?" He asked, and you nodded, too stunned at his sudden appearance to tell if this was real or just your fantasy becoming a little too realistic.
He thanked you for letting him inside, and you showed him inside, guiding him to he couch, where you took a seat opposite him.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay, you left in a rush and…" He trailed off, eyes flicking down to your lips. His Adam's apple bobbed with his swallow, and you watched it yourself, trying to avoid meeting his eyes, as if you were a schoolgirl about to get in trouble with a disappointed teacher.
"I'm okay."
"Okay, that's great, that's… Great." His breaths caught up to him, and he took another deep breath and a swallow before continuing. "How about we continue that game from last time. Twenty questions?"
You'd do anything to stop him walking out of that door, but you felt too shy to touch him again, even in the friendly ways you were used to, so you eagerly accepted.
"Yes, that… That sounds fun, thank you."
"Okay. Question one. Do you know why I'm here?" He asks as he shifts closer to you, still not touching, but at a proximity where it would be natural to accidentally brush against one another.
"N-No. But I might have an idea." He nodded at your response before moving on to his next question.
"Question two. Are you a virgin?" He didn't trip or stumble over the words, pushing them out slowly and delicately so as not to offend.
"Yes." The lump in your throat was thick, almost as if he'd put something there that you couldn't help but choke on.
"Question three. Do you want to remain a virgin?"
You shook your head no, following it with your voice seconds later as he stood up from his seat, putting some distance between you.
"Question four. Do you feel intoxicated or drunk right now?" He held himself still as you sat on the very edge of your chair, desperate to feel his hands on you now.
"No, I only had one sip at the bar before…" He held up a hand to silence you, and you did.
Question five. Answer me honestly. Do you like it when I touch you?"
"Yes." Your breath was a whisper, but it was breathy, sounding almost pornographic in your neediness.
"Question six. Do you like it when other people touch you?"
"Do you?" His head snapped back to yours, and you froze under his gaze. "Not as much." You answered and relaxed again, pouting slightly at his lack of answer.
"Question seven. Do you like me touching other people?" He took a step closer to you again with this question, but you continued pouting as you shook your head.
"No. I don't." His lips quirked upwards before he could stop them, but he gathered himself together again.
"Question eight. Do you want me to leave?" You met his eyes at that question, taking one good, hard, long look at him. You noted the tensed jaw, the clenched fists, his stiff body language, trailing your eyes over him before looking him directly in the eyes.
"No." You let the word hang on your tongue, pulling it out a bit longer than was necessary as you watched him take in a shaky breath.
"Question nine. Do you want me to come over there and kiss you?"
"God, yes." He was on you in seconds, restraints gone, throwing himself back at you as his lips collided with your own. Virgin you may be, but you'd kissed men before, and it had been nothing like this.
His hands trailed up to your hair, tipping your head back slightly so he could gain better access. He bit your lip and thrust his tongue into your mouth when you gasped, so eager to consume every part of you whole.
You'd never felt like this before.
He pulled away, and you tried desperately to chase his lips, even as your lungs begged you to stop.
"Last question," he whispered in the space between you, holding the sides of your face at a distance so neither of you could be tempted to dive in for a second kiss, or a third, or fourth. "Do you want me to fuck you?" You whimpered at his words, nodding furiously as you tried to lunge at him again, but he held you firm.
"I need you to say your answer, baby. I need to hear your consent, okay?" You nod again and open your mouth, eyes never leaving his lips as you moan out a definitive "yes."
Instead of letting your lips fall against his again, he lunges for you, grabbing your legs and hauling you up into his arms, carrying you bridal style all the way back to your bedroom.
"Gonna do it right," he mutters to himself as he throws you down on the bed, pulling back to take off his jacket and unbutton the cuffs on his shirt, rolling the sleeves up meticulously.
"I'm going to take care of you, Y/N, okay?" You nod at him and flush, suddenly feeling the strength of his need for you as he holds himself back. He puts his hands on you again, gently coaxing your legs apart, pushing your skirt up over your hips. Reflexively, you move your hands over yourself, covering your sensitive places with your hands.
"Don't cover yourself." His voice is strong, deep, as he orders you, and you let your arms drop back to your side. He traces his hands up and down your legs, almost as if he were memorising every inch of your skin, how you felt under his hands.
His hands make their way up to your panties, and you watch with baited breath as he moves you, pulling your hips up so he can let them fall down. The lace material tickles you as he pushes them past your thighs, over your knees and finally off your legs entirely, balling them up and putting them in his pocket.
"I'm going to touch you now, okay?" He asks it like a question, but he doesn't wait for your answer, unable to hold himself back before diving straight between your legs, so desperate to taste you that he's deaf to everything else.
His tongue connects with your sensitive area first, tracing up and down at a steady pace as his legs half-heartedly push your legs open. It's almost as if he's enjoying the pressure of your legs wrapped around him, suffocating between your thighs as he feels your pleasure build, and build.
Eventually he pushes your hips further apart, letting himself push his face into even more of you, his tongue entering your hole as he begins fucking it in and out of you, fingers coming back up to your clit to keep up the pressure there.
"Spencer, please, please, fuck."
"I love it when you beg for me like a needy little slut," he whispers, holding your legs apart as he looked up at you, face slick with your arousal. Your mouth drops wide at his words, and he immediately begins to retract them.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, if that was too far, I just got caught up -"
"I liked it." You said, quieting him as you spread your legs a bit further apart, begging for him to continue. He smiled and dived right back in, bringing his other hand up under your dress, all the way to your chest as you kept your legs open yourself.
He sucked your clit into his mouth, lapping up all the juices you were releasing as you moaned underneath him, bucking into his face at the memory of his degradation.
You were a needy little slut, and you needed him to make you cum. He was more than happy to oblige.
He kept you there for what felt like forever, drinking you in for as long as he could. You orgasmed twice before he finished, completely overstimulated by the way he was desperately fucking you with his mouth.
He was obsessed with you, with your scent, your taste, with being the first ever person to ever touch you like this, to fuck you, to make you feel so good. Without him even realising, you're pushed to the brink for a second time, shuddering under the heat of his mouth as he drinks you in.
He finally pulls his head up again, coming up for air as you're twitching under him.
"Perfect, baby, so perfect for me." His lips fall down to your own, and suddenly you're tasting yourself on his tongue. It's hypnotising, and despite the pleasure you've just received, you need more, desperate to feel him on you again.
When he pulls his mouth away, he replaces himself with his fingers, pushing them into your mouth.
"Suck," he says and you listen, as he watches the way you lick yourself off of him.
He unzips your dress with his free hand, carefully pulling your arms out of the sleeves and pushing your dress off your body. You trace your tongue around every ridge of his fingers, leaving no inch undiscovered. He moved you to pull the dress of, and you graciously followed, letting him do whatever he wanted to you.
"Nice little slut, tasting herself on my fingers?" He whispered when you were finally bare, pulling his fingers from your mouth, letting the trail of spit hang between you as you moaned.
He removed himself from over you, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Come here. Come and sit on my lap."
You cautiously followed his directions. You'd thought that he'd fuck you then, after spending so long getting you ready, but apart from his tie, which he was in the middle of discarding as you crawled over to him, he hadn't derobed any further.
"That's it baby, come and sit yourself down right here." He pat his thigh and you crawled over, lowering yourself down onto his clothed leg.
"What now, Spencer?" You stuttered the words out, heart beating as you awaited his instructions.
"Now, I want you to rock your hips back and forth. Just like this." He grabbed your hips and started moving you against his leg, pushing you down to grind into him.
"Spencer, wait, I don't know-"
"I do. I know you can do it, so please try. For me." You pulled you in for a kiss, and then removed his hands from you, leaving you to rock against his thigh.
You were unsure of the movements at first, moving slowly as you dragged your aching cunt up and down the top of his pants, watching as you saw the wet patch you were making. You moaned with each movement, growing faster and more confident as you continued.
"That's it baby, use me to get yourself off, okay? Let me see you." He whispered in your ears, pushing your sweat-slicked hair ou of your face, holding it up for you.
"Spencer please," you don't even know what you're asking for as you beg him, feeling that familiar bubble in your stomach grow.
"No, you can do it. You look so beautiful like this, Y/N, so desperate for my cock, huh?" You start trying to unbutton his shirt, desperate to see more of him, to feel more of his bare skin on your own. But he stops your hands and holds them against his chest.
"You need to ask nicely first, before trying to undress me like a needy little whore." The words should sound violent, should humiliate you, but his voice is so soft you simply move faster, moaning and desperate to cum one more time.
"Fuck, Spencer, I'm gonna… I'm gonna…"
"No, you're not." Before you finish, he pulls you off his leg, hauling your body back onto the bed, and laying you back down on your back. You moan in disapproval, so frustrated with the lack of release that you feel tears prick the corners of your eyes.
"Don't cry, baby. I'll give you what you want soon." He practically rips his clothes off, pulling his vest over his head, stumbling over each button and removing his belt and pants before climbing over to you. His cock finally free you take your first glance at it.
You'd never entirely been sure how it was that the male appendage fit inside something as small as your pussy, and you were doubly unsure about how Spencer's was ever going to fit inside you. You stared at it wide eyed, as you took in the length, the girth, and the heat of it as he stroked it in one hands, pushing on top of you.
He let go of it as soon as he was between your legs, letting it fall onto your stomach as he crawled between your legs. He trailed a finger over your lower abdomen just around where his cock was twitching against you as his other hand came up to stroke your hair.
"You look worried, Y/N, what's wrong?"
"Will it, um, will it fit?" You asked, knowing how cliché you sounded.
"We've spent the last thirty-seven minutes loosening you up with foreplay. It should fit, but I can't promise it won't hurt."
"Right, if my hymen is still intact you have to…"
"That's right. And then it's going to reach all the way in you to here," with each word, he stepped his fingers up from your clit to where the tip of his dick sat on your stomach, letting you come to terms with exactly how full you were about to be.
"I'm going to fill you, and you're going to be mine, and I'm going to be yours. My sweet angel." He stroked your face, catching his thumb on your lips on the way down, tempted to thrust it into your mouth again, to see just how much of a whore you could be, given the chance.
Instead, he lined himself up with your dripping core, and, making sure one last time that this is what you wanted, slowly pushed in.
It was uncomfortable at first, having something so wholly alien inside of you, you weren't sure how to react. You wrapped your arms around him, digging your nails in, deep, as he pushed in further.
"Y/N, I need to move more now, and it's going to hurt a little, you just have to trust me, okay?" He kissed the top of your head, but you were so lost in the sensations to answer. With one swift jerk of his hips, he pushed through your hymen, and fully sheathed himself inside of you. He pressed small kisses everywhere on your face, while whispering to you how beautiful you were.
"You're doing so good for me angel, I'm going to take care of you. Going to make you feel so much better than this. You're so beautiful." His lips were distractingly sweet, as were his words, and soon you found yourself relaxing into him, the sharp pain of earlier fading to an electric buzz inside of you.
You jerked your hips up to meet his, and with that, he knew you were ready. From his words, you'd assumed that he'd move slowly in you. But with one final lingering kiss to your lips, he lifted his chest up, pinned your legs tightly down, and started thrusting hard and fast.
"Sorry, just couldn't help myself baby. Needed to see you looking ruined underneath me." Moans spilled out of your mouth with his every movement, and the orgasm you'd built up earlier hit you like a ton of bricks, blackness hazing over your eyes as they rolled back in your head.
"Fuck, fuck, Spencer, don't stop!" You screamed at the top of your lungs, unable to control your pitch or volume as he slammed into you desperately. He was so turned on by the sight of you beneath him, so proud of having fucked away your virginity, to have given you your very first penetrative orgasm that he wouldn't have heard anything that came out of your mouth.
His eyes were fixated at the place between you, where you joined, where he was entering you, defiling you, claiming you, using you, breeding you.
He knew he wouldn't cum inside of you, not the first time, but it was tempting. Instead, he chose to move his lips back to your skin. He marked you with love bites and hickeys across your neck, chest and shoulders as you moaned with every roll of his hips, shuddering on his cock. He was close. And seeing you like this, displaying all the signs that you were his and his only, he finally lost it.
Pulling his dick out of you, he stroked it through his release, spraying his seed over the parts of your skin he hadn't bruised with love. Your stomach, your breasts, hell, one spurt even landed dangerously close to your lips, he was everywhere. You. Were. His.
He fell beside you, panting for a few moments as you finally cracked your eyes back open, realising what the two of you had just done. You wiped the cum from your face with a stray finger, staring at it for a second before licking it off your finger.
"As hot as that was, I think we should get you cleaned up properly, angel." He spends forever cleaning you up, carrying you to the bathroom, washing your entire body with hot water and a fresh cloth, running you a hot bath to relax your muscles. You snuggle into his chest at some point in the bath, relaxing so much into him, that you drift off to sleep.
You feel him carry you to bed, semi-conscious, tucking you in and climbing in next to you. He holds you through the night, the way he holds you after your bad cases. He holds you until he doesn't.
You're blindsided by the cold bed the next morning. You knew he would be there, you'd felt him inside you and next to you, and you'd needed his warmth, but he was gone. You looked for him in every other part of your home, looked for a note or an explanation, but there wasn't one.
Through tears, you got ready for work, ready to face him and make him answer why he was suddenly gone. You wanted him to apologise, especially since he'd marked you so badly the night before you looked like a car crash victim from the neck down.
Dark lavender blossomed along your collar bones as you looked at yourself in the mirror, trailing a finger along every place that he touched the night before.
"How could you be so stupid?" You cursed yourself. If you'd have listened to what he was saying last night, really listened, you'd have known he wasn't going to be here in the morning. He wanted to ruin you, to possess you, to take away your virginity, and he'd done just that.
You almost wanted to keep the bruises on display going into work, to make him confront the pain he caused you by leaving. In the end, it was the inevitable stares from everyone else that convinced you otherwise. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
You pushed through the doors to the bullpen and didn't bother putting your bag down before you started scanning the room for him.
"Where's Spencer?" You practically shouted the words at Morgan, unable to hold back your anger.
"Y/N, what's wrong?"
"Where is he?" You demand, and there must be something in your eyes that speaks to your devastation because Morgan shuts up and just points to the top of the stairs, where Spencer is exiting Hotch's office without a care in the world.
You don't realise that something is tears until you're beating a hand against his chest in frustration as they spill down your face.
"Where were you?" You demand, sobbing into his chest, as he pulls your hands away. The entire office is watching your commotion, but you don't care, you're not letting him move you out of the way.
"Y/N, I need you to sign this." His voice is calm, and you hate him for that. That he can stay so neutral when he's just broken your heart.
"No, not until you tell me why you left."
"Sign the papers, Y/N, trust me." He pulls your chin up so you can look him in the eye, and you catch a glimpse of the man who has been holding you, comforting you for the last four months. You snatch the pen from him and sign the papers, thrusting them back at him with a scowl.
He smiles as he looks down at them, placing them back on his desk before pulling you in for a long, deep kiss. You're shocked at first, but you melt into it, pulling him closer so he can't leave again.
"I'm sorry. I had to come into the office to declare our relationship, Morgan sometimes tells me I have a one track mind, and when I woke up this morning, the one thing I wanted to do was get it in writing that you were mine."
Your push the tears out of his face, and attempt to pull him down for another kiss. You don't get the chance, as the sound of several throats clearing around you burst your bubble.
"Public space, no canoodling." Rossi shouts down at you from the balcony, a soft smirk on his face.
Penelope runs in from her office, and stares wide-eyed at the lack of space between the two of you. "You! And you! Security cameras….. You!"
"Now, I'm sure there's a story here, but from the state of our little angel's neck here, I'm sure I don't want to hear it." Derek laughs, smacking Spencer on the back in praise as he walks up the stairs to the meeting room.
You slap a hand over your neck, trying to pull the turtleneck further up to hide the mark you evidently missed.
"She's my angel, now." Spencer calls up to him. "I have the paperwork to prove it."
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid smut#mgg#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fandom#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x reader smut#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x oc#dom spencer reid#spencer reid kinktober#criminal minds kinktober#kinktober 23
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the worst attempt of nnn ever
pairing: f1 grid x gn!reader [headcanon]
ft. the whole 2024 grid
summary: technically everyone wins, aka who's most likely to fail nnn the quickest
warnings: shitpost/crack, very suggestive content and some 18+, MDNI, NSFW -> smut
[masterlist] [requests]
fail first
lewis
this man has zero discipline when it comes to you
absolute zero, zip, zilch, nada
normally he's on you 24/7
but when it comes to the end of the season and most things have been tied up and he dgaf, what better way to end each week than by fucking your brains out
aka 25/8 times a week
so when you attempt to propose to do nnn "for fun" on the 31st, he glares at you, calls you dumb before fucking you silly overnight (until the 1st) so that you never suggest it again that month/year
(he also bribes other drivers and wags to make sure that you are NOT included in their nnn plans)
zhou
shockingly in second place
but only cause he loves you too much, finds nnn a weird tradition (when you explained the basics) and just wants to snuggle with you and sweetcorn in bed
like why make yourself unconfortable and horny when he could just be happy and satisfied (and still horny) with you :D
lando
man is so fired up about the championship battle that he doesn't entertain the notion and just fucks you the minute november starts just to make sure you know not to fuck with him
he only manages to hang onto longer than lewis and zhou cause he was tired and forgot what time it was
carlos
had planned on competing with lando, since they had done it the year before, and the year before that (aka when they were teamates)
but when he found out from you (who found out from lando's partner) that they had already failed, he said to try for a few days
you said you didn't want to
"but it might be good for us" carlos had complained, saying something no one had ever said
and so you just like seduced him like five days later then BAM WHAM, he's back to blowing your back out
not that he needed that much encouragement
pierre
just wanted to fuck you in peace for halloween after you showed up in a very hot outfit
but then charles was like oohhhh we should try this
(f u charles)
but then almost cried in the shower when he realised he couldn't jerk off either
you heard him whimpering, laughed about it and then sucked him off
he tried to hide it, but charles found out anyways
max
is usually too busy to fuck you during race weekends so, he just failed when he like normally fucked you
cause he wanted to fuck you
cause yeah...
so....yeah...
oscar
likes to pretend he's disciplined and has lots of mental restraint
(he doesn't have restraint when it comes to you)
tried to keep some distance, aka by not arriving together at the paddock
but then failed after he saw you with franco, got jealous, said f this shit and then took you in his driver's room
checo
didn't give two flying fucks
only got interested cause evens was talking about it
but throws the challenge out the windoow the minute you insinuate that he seems "weak" about you
kmag
thinks its childish but still wanted to try it
got actually comfortable with it, until you made a sexy joke
hulk
lasts longer cause kmag found it childish
but still wanted to try it too after kmag told him about it
ocon
just wanted to beat gasly
lance
wanted to fuck you
so he complained to his father about the challenge and how you were going give him a reward at the end
so evil stepmum kdrama style, lawerence comes in and tries to give you envelopes of cash to get you to fuck stroll
you gleefully refuse
you manage to negotiate three ashton martins, a ferrari laferrari, and more, before still teasing him
to which he just gives up, and waits for you
george
for those actually dedicated to doing it, he set up the betting pool and "official" rules
(no charles...touching and edging yourself is not "illegal" but you're running the sPIrIt of the challenge)
but like lost out in the second week, when he saw you were having an amazing hair day
said ok i wanna pull on it *with grabby hands* and then gave up
(everyone mocked him relentlessly afterwards)
valterri
super chill about it
tried it only cause you wanted to try it for fun
actually found it hard to be away from you (only cause you love him so much too)
but you managed to reach the third week before simply saying
"that's enough"
franco
had never heard of it
but defs wanted to try after he learnt a about it
got really pissed off by the second week cause you were also teasing him sooooo much
but you kept refusing
basically had to beg his way into convincing you "near" it, and only seeing him get really pouty did you give in
yuki
swears and glares daggers at you the entire three weeks
but he's gotta prove that big things come in small packages
and actually makes it almost to week four before passing out from sheer horniness
fernando
actually lasts longer than most people thought he would
(liam spitefully calls out that he thought nando's blue balls would fall off)
is happy he is technically the best wdc at nnn (even moreso that lewis lost first)
makes it to like the last couple of days
you get bored and tired
so now fernando is bored and tired and just fucks you
alex
certified genz brainrotter
ofc know what it is, and is demandin to win it and prove he's at least NOT a lost in one area (his words not yours)
makes it to the last few days, before you trick into letting you give him a handjob
tries to argue technicalities with george
but by then nov its over and he just gives up
charles
used all his ferrari training in patience to last this long
wanted to tell you to kys when you suggested it
but eventually he got soooo into doing it, he was policing you
however he losses cause he was stupid
you're on his jet
he forgets time zones exist
thought he won
sent a gloating text message to the gc
and [redacted] beats him on the technicality
liam
this man is going all in no regrets, gambling style 😎
even if he didn't propose it, he's definetly the most eager to prove himself (especially to fernando and checo)
he's setting up strict rules to ensure that his dick does not get anywhere near you when sleeping, eating or breathing
(in the last few days he desperately asks you to sleep in the guest bedroom cause he's this close 🤏 to caving in)
however, he resists and gets bragging rights over everyone for the rest of the year.
fail last/succeed
permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)
@charlesgirl16 @tallrock35 @sweate-r-weathe-r @unlikelystay @alex-wotton
@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma @dying-inside-but-its-classy
@fadingcloudballoon
© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.
#⭑ : my work.ᐟ#the-flaneur#headcanon#x reader#f1#formula 1#f1 fanfic#f1 headcanons#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen x reader#charles leclerc x reader#carlos sainz x reader#lando norris x reader#oscar piastri x reader#george russell x reader#franco colapinto x reader#yuki tsunoda x reader#fernando alonso x reader#liam lawson x reader#pierre gasly x reader#alex albon x reader#f1 fluff#fluff#smut#f1 smut
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⋆ maybe some faith would do me good
christian!virgin!reader x ellie williams
summary ⋆ ellie's forced to go to some church camp thing for the summer. maybe she'll actually enjoy it if she keeps seeing you around.
warnings ⋆ 2.78k ⋆ smut, non apocalyptic au, guys dont cancel me😅, mention of suicide (jokingly) , implied reader virginity loss, religious themes, alludes to what david did to ellie, friends to enemies to lovers kinda, dacryphilia, public sex, sex in church, public humiliation, cunnilingus and fingering (r!receiving), pet names (baby, pretty girl, good girl)
ellie tried to protest when joel proposed the idea of ellie spending her summer days at some camp for religious kids that one of the elders in jackson had volunteered to host, she really did. she didn't know what joel was trying to accomplish. maybe he thought in some twisted way this would help her get over that encounter. it didn't matter what the point was, it mattered that she was being woken up at 8 in the morning on the first day of summer to go to some stupid camp. joel told her she was being dramatic, it was only a 2 and half week program and then the rest of her summer was free.
she was still grumpy nevertheless, slumping her way to this church retreat. she'd only packed enough for a week, hoping that if she ran out of clothes they'd be forced to send her home. A friendly old woman greeted her, smiling and cheerful unlike ellie. The woman led ellie to a room, explaining that this was her room during the program. She fought every urge to roll her eyes, knowing the woman was just being nice but, god, who really had that much energy this early in the morning? The woman instructed her to leave her bag on one of the beds— great she had a roommate— and then make her way to the prayer room.
ellie groaned at the thought. prayer room? she might as well shoot herself now. she complied nevertheless. her feet dragging along the wooden floor, the planks creaking with every step she took. the halls were white, various pictures of religious symbolism decorating the otherwise plain walls. she couldn't deny that the hallway made her feel uneasy. she could only imagine what it looked like at night. ellie sighs as she comes across a door, half open and she can hear chatter from behind it. she worked up the courage to walk through the door, preparing herself for whatever bullshit she'll endure while she's here.
she takes a look around the room, eyes all the girls who seemed to all know each other. each girl with their own smile on their face. ellie rolled her eyes, closing the door behind her and before she could even process what was happening, she was approached by a girl. you. "i didn't think you'd be here." you smile at her, oblivious to the one sided feud you had with ellie. you were the pastor's daughter, probably the one responsible for this little get together. god, ellie hated you. the way you dressed, the way you talked, the stupid smile on your face, the even stupider bow in your hair and that little sundress that showed so much for someone like you.
truthfully, ellie didn't have a good reason to hate you. especially since you two grew up together, being raised to be built in friends. but hating you just to hate you seemed justified enough for her. "didn't have much of a choice." she barely keeps eye contact, keeping her response cold and dry. you frown at that. "oh. okay..." you look down to your shoes, it was obvious you picked up on the dismay in her tone. her mind wonders, just for a second, if she took it too far. but she shakes the thought. "yeah." she clears her throat, looking around the room once again. "well... um..." it was ridiculous how quickly your confidence was knocked down. all because of ellie.
ellie chuckles, finding some sick amusement in your reaction. you were going to speak again, probably to ask something like 'are you mad at me?' but you were dragged away by your friends. ellie sighed, watching you walk away. her eyes trailing from the back of your head all the way down to your— woah. why the hell did she look there?! god, but the damage was done. ellie wanted to look again, certain parts of her practically begging for just another glance. she refuses though, instead focusing on one of the stained glass windows. nothing fancy, just a red cross with a blue background. the funding for this particular chapel wasn't exactly the highest.
ellie could feel herself warm up, her mind jolting such crude thoughts about you. she groaned, running a hand through her hair. you had her mind so confused. she hated your guts. she really did. but all she could think about when she saw you was how much she wanted to bend you over and just yell at you. for what? she didn't know. for being too religious? too kind? too innocent? her mind wanders again, to a new thought she'd never had before. she wanted to ruin you, give it to you until you couldn't possibly take it any more. watching all the innocence leave your eyes while she filled you with sin. ellie snaps out of her thoughts, noticing that the woman from earlier had begun to speak about the quote unquote 'fun activities planned'.
through out the day, she tried to avoid you. even when you tried your very hardest to make amends for something you had no clue about. she participated in the church themed activities with little enthusiasm, being told more than once to at least act like she was having fun. the sun had begun to set, the chaperones calling out that dinner was ready. but ellie wasn't hungry. she managed to slip away from everyone else. wondering the semi creepy halls, just thinking to herself. she counted how many times the floor squeaked and creaked. she was content with just doing that until she counted a creak that she didn't make.
she turned around, her heart rate a little elevated only to find out it was just you. she sighed and rolled her eyes, returning to her initial path. "hey... they said dinner was ready." you were wary, nervous and shy even, and she couldn't blame you. "i know." her tone was less harsh this time. perhaps she was feeling guilty for her outburst earlier. "you're... um, you're going the wrong way." you were just trying to be helpful, but with every word you spoke, the more ellie got angry at you. "i know." she repeated. she heart your soft footsteps running up behind her to catch up. "so, why are you going this way?" your voice was so sweet, just like the honey ellie imagined licking off your body at least 30 times today.
she didn't answer, continuing to walk in the opposite direction of where she needed to be. and you just followed like a lost little puppy. "hey? i said—" she cuts you off. "i heard you." her cold tone was back. "oh." just like earlier, your gaze redirected to your shoes. "don't do that." she sighed, looking over at you. "huh? do what...?" you look up at her, frown evident on your face. "look like i just crushed your heart." ellie looked away from you again, examining the religious paraphilia on the walls. you didn't reply, looking away again but ellie didn't miss the hint of blush covering your face before you did. "oh? did i just crush your heart?" she jokes, weirdly seeming to warm up to you. once again, she's met to no reply. she rolls her eyes, turning the corner in the hall. she was met with a door and she wasn't sure if she should enter.
"it's the chapel." you explain, sensing her confusion and hesitation. ellie looks at you, a little annoyance on her face that you knew something she didn't. she pulls the handle on the door, gesturing for you to enter first. "ladies first." she remarks, not much amusement in her tone. you walk in and she follows after you. it was empty and though it shouldn't be creepy, ellie felt unnerved. "wait! don't let it close—" you try to warn, but the door had already been shut. you sigh, biting your lip in anxiousness. "what?" she utters, wondering why her closing the door was a bad thing. "it locks from the outside." you explain and ellie's face drops. "that's fucking great." ellie groans, running her hands over her face, walking down the isle and up the two steps to the alter. you follow.
"i tried to tell you..." you mutter. ellie wants to yell at you. say something along the lines of 'you should have tried harder' or whatever but before you can get the words out your head is in your hands and you're crying. ellie's shocked, not knowing what to do or say. she sighs. "don't cry, c'mon." she comforts, moving your hands away from your face and wiping your tears. it made you reminiscent to when you and ellie used to be friends. "i'm sorry." you sniffle as she dries your tears. "why're you crying, hm?" she tries to be gentle but just at the sight of your tears makes her want to fuck you over the alter. "'cause you're being mean and i got us locked in here." you vent your frustrations, revealing just what a hard day you had because of ellie.
she feels terrible now, hating that she made you feel so inadequate. god, why does she even care how you feel? ellie looks at you, watching as you wipe the tears that she missed. "i'm sorry for being so mean." she apologizes, deciding to cut the act. she didn't hate you. she could never hate you. "i just can't get you out of my mind." she admits. you look at her blankly for a moment, clearly not understanding. but ellie can see the exact moment when your eyes lighten up, realizing what she meant. "you mean it?" you ask, full of hope. "god." ellie rolls her eyes and your naivety. she leans closer to you, pressing her lips against yours, her hands cupping your face.
you pull back and ellie is now the one who frowns. did she misinterpret all your signs? "i'm not good at that." you admit while avoiding eye contact. ellie chuckles, pulling you closer by your waist. "i don't care." she mutters, kissing down your neck. you gasp, her warm tongue running over your cool skin. ellie's hands venture down, grabbing your ass over your dress. the ass that started this whole mess. "ellie!" you were startled. it felt like all the statues were suddenly watching you, judging you. but it just felt too good to care. but it weighed in the back of your mind as ellie kissed your jaw.
"i'm gonna fuck you so good." she mumbles, becoming drunk with lust. "i've never..." you trail off, your voice transitioning into a gasp when her hands begin to roam over your body. "i know. so pure, huh?" she teases with an eye roll, mocking how the church would call you pure. you don't reply. you couldn't. you words stuck in your throat, your eyes focused on her hands. watching them caress your waist slowly sliding up your body to cup your breasts. "el..." your whisper, you voice filled with breath. "i'm right here." she slides her right hand back down your body, reaching your thighs. she trails her fingers over the flesh before pressing her finger to your clothed cunt. you gasp, clutching onto her tighter.
"i know, baby. feels so good, doesn't it?" she mumbles in your ear, her fingers circling your clit so gently over your panties, which were becoming soaked. "el, el, ellie." you breathed out heavily, trying your best to keep as most decency as you could. after all, this was a chapel. "saying my name just like a prayer." ellie acknowledges, her fingers slowly working towards slipping into your underwear. your eyes rolled back when her cold fingers finally touch the place you needed her most. your legs were weak, wanting to give out on you. ellie notices, biting back a laugh at how blissed you already looked. she leaned you against the alter, her fingers working faster.
"so pretty." ellie mutter against your clammy skin. "so good. you're being such a good girl." her words made you feel so dirty but so... aroused at the same time. "keep... keep saying that." you barely managed to get out, you voice coming out in broken whimpers. "yeah? you like being my good girl?" she gently slides a finger into your dripping cunt. ellie can help but moan herself. "ellie." you whisper, feeling more pleasure than you've ever felt before. "i know. i know." she comforts, knowing exactly how you were feeling as she adds another finger. ellie was so aroused, drunk on the power of ruining you, being the one to help you commit the worst sin you've ever done.
your head lolled back, feeling something you've never felt before. "el." you choke out. "i know. you're almost there." ellie sinks to her knees, kneeling in front of you. "should i confess my sins to you." she whispers, kissing your thighs. you can't respond, finding the scene before you so arousing. ellie lifts up your dress to reveal your lacy underwear. "of course." she mutters under her breath. "hold this for me pretty girl." she looks up at you, and you shakily take hold of the dress that she flipped up. she gently slides your panties down your thighs, never breaking eye contact with you. she helps you step out of them, shoving them in her pocket so she didn't have to put them on the dirty ground.
her eyes flicker down to your pussy, biting her lip. "ellie." you can't even focus anymore, the loss of her fingers deep in your cunt making you want to cry. "i'm gonna make you feel so good. just be patient." she kisses your inner thighs, teasing you. you can't say anything, complain about how much you need her. but luckily, she doesn't torture too much, cause in a matter of seconds she's sucking on your clit, with her fingers returning to their job of fucking you. the sweat on your body makes you hot to touch, needing your release so badly. you push your hips forward instinctively, greedily wanting everything ellie could give you. before you could even process how good ellie was making feel, your orgasm approached.
ellie couldn't help but moan as your own moans got louder and your free hand tangled itself in her hair. "so close, baby." she mumbles into your pussy, feeling just as pleasured as you do. "el. oh my gosh, el! please!" you mutter, your words conjumbled and not making much sense. "good job, baby." she mumbles as she finally pushes you over the edge. your moans are loud and broken, filling the empty chapel with such sin. the cross necklace around your neck sticking to your skin. "ellie rubs your thighs, pressing small kisses on your pussy. "can't get enough of this pussy." she moaned, so drunk on you, on lust, on life. "ellie—" you whine and she moves away but not before she runs her tongue through your folds one last time.
"so good." she praises and lets your dress fall back into place. ellie kisses you, the taste of your arousal still in her lips. she pulls away, both of you out of breath. the sound of doors opening cause you both to pull apart. your hands going to fix your hair. "ms. heather wanted to know where you two went. you okay...?" a girl ellie recognized as one of your friends from earlier asked you. ellie began to make her way down the steps and down the isle, you quick to follow. "yes, yeah. we just got a little lost." you speak slowly, trying to maintain your thoughts.
your eyes scattered around to find your underwear. ellie smirked when she saw you looking around, knowing they were right in her pocket. she would give them back eventually but the thought of you walking around a few hours commando just made her feel things. catching glimpses of you around the night pulling down your dress, looking around to make sure no one can see anything. but of course in the morning she'll return them after using them all that night, after her roommate when home sick. but this is ellie we're talking about. she had to tease you just a little bit. so on day two when everyone wakes up to gather in the prayer room to see a pair of lace panties hanging from the cross, the kids and chaperones were most definitely shocked, and of course ellie earned some death glares from you in between your embarrassment. and ellie can't help but think maybe she'll hang out with you at church more often if that's the reward.
another christian!reader x ellie williams fic!
#🍄 ⋆ the last of us#🕰️ ⋆ birds and bees#ellie williams x reader#the last of us x reader#ellie williams#ellie williams smut#ellie smut#ellie x reader#tlou x reader#tlou smut#the last of us smut#wlw smut
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His Father's Son
Rafe Cameron x Reader
Summary: After the untimely death of his father, Rafe takes it upon himself to become the man of the house.
warnings: NON-CON, STEPCEST, AGE GAP, mentions of major character death, depression, alcoholism, stepmom!reader, underage drinking, canon ages
➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | ➥ divider by @firefly-graphics
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The overwhelming feeling of being watched turned out to be true.
You flinched at the sight of the figure standing next to your bed, eerily still and eerily familiar in the darkness. Reason took over, and your heart started to slow just as quickly as it had started to race. You struggled to move, legs twisted within the sheets as you reached over to turn on the lamp. Sleep was still clinging to you, desperate to pull you back in, but you pushed it away with one look at Rafe’s face.
“It’s 8 o’clock,” was all he said in that tone you had never cared for.
Once his words actually registered though, you swallowed down the mild irritation that had threatened to bubble up. You felt your heart drop to your stomach as you blinked, staring at him with parted lips before hurrying to search for your phone. When it bounced out of your unsteady hands and onto the floor, you cursed.
Sliding out of bed, you unfortunately confirmed that it was indeed 8 o’clock.
Now 8:03.
“Shit,” you breathed, pressing your hand to your forehead. “Um…”
You swiped your tongue between your lips, noting how dry they felt.
“Tell Wheezie-.”
“I already took Wheezie to school.”
The teenager’s words surprised you, and your hand fell, staring at him in a mixture of shock and shame. At those words, you finally registered the look on his face, and you found yourself thinking that his tone earlier made a lot more sense. You opened and closed your mouth, fighting to figure out how to respond. Unfortunately, you didn’t come up with anything clever.
“…oh.”
You watched the blond cross his arms over his chest, head tilted with the barest of frowns between his brows.
“I’m sorry,” you finally added, letting out a sigh. “I overslept and my alarm didn’t go off and…”
You found yourself trailing off, hating the sound of your excuses.
You got the feeling that Rafe hated the sound of them too by the even stare he fixed you with. You imagined that he hadn’t planned on dropping Wheezie off to her first day of school this year, and while it was something you both knew he should expect to do sometimes, it was also something he should’ve been asked to do. You couldn’t even remember going to bed the previous night, and you were sure the two bottles of wine you’d consumed had something to do with it.
“Should I anticipate dropping her off tomorrow too?”
There was an edge in his voice that you didn’t like but couldn’t necessarily be angry at.
“No,” you told him, tone sheepish. “I’ll get up on time.”
Rafe didn’t respond, but he also didn’t leave right away. He simply stood there, drinking you in with a frown. There was a look that passed through his eyes that made you think he probably wanted to say something, but if that were true, he swiftly changed his mind. You watched him silently leave, and you resisted the urge to sigh, closing your eyes instead.
When you married Ward Cameron two years ago, it wasn’t for the most honorable of reasons you’d admit. However, the same could also be said for him. After all, what would a forty-year-old man possibly want with a twenty-seven-year-old woman? Probably something equally as superficial as the same reasons a twenty-seven-year-old woman would want to marry a forty-year-old man. With that being said though, you hadn’t actually expected to fall for him. In hindsight, how could you not?
He had never been bad looking, and he was far kinder than you ever expected. Sure, the money and security of a comfortable life were what pulled you in, but after saying yes, you realized that he wasn’t the typical cold and rich husband you expected him to be. Seeing him do his best with his children only made it harder to pretend like it was some loveless marriage of mutual benefit.
You loved him.
…and then he died.
With one boating accident, you were suddenly the single mother of three teenagers. It wasn’t something you were prepared for, and while one was technically an adult, that still left two who weren’t and couldn’t possibly fend for themselves. On top of it all, you still found it hard to get out of bed most days, a problem that wasn’t so bad during the summer.
…but the new term was here, and you couldn’t put your responsibilities off any longer.
Reminding yourself that you’d quite literally drank yourself to sleep the previous night and therefore overslept, you noted that you were off to a bad start. The thought made your eyes burn, the full realization of your new reality hitting you. After Ward died, Rafe was basically the one to take care of everything while you spent most days in bed, but months had passed and summer was over and now your time had come to be a parent.
Resisting the urge to cry, you stumbled to the bathroom, hoping you didn’t look as bad as you felt.
“Did you hear me?”
His voice pulled you out of your own head and you slowly turned to look at him.
“What?”
Rafe stared at you for what felt like a long time, and it was then that you realized he’d probably been speaking to you for some time. You swallowed at the realization, noting that you’d spaced out again, and when Rafe heaved a sigh, you actually felt like the scolded child.
“Sarah’s staying over at a friend’s house tonight,” he told you.
You could feel his gaze on you when you nodded, and deep in the back of your mind you knew that you should’ve asked some follow up questions, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You’d always trusted Sarah and her judgement—Rafe being the one you and Ward always worried about—and considering the circumstances, you wouldn’t question her on this. In your current state of mind, you were positive she could ask you to smoke a blunt and you’d give her the okay.
You were pulled from your thoughts again by the sound of your name.
You were unsurprised to meet Rafe’s gaze.
You couldn’t place the look on his face, but he seemed like he was deep in thought. Rafe’s behavior and demeanor had taken a 180 after Ward’s death you had to admit. Granted, you supposed that was to be expected, but for some reason it surprised you. Maybe it was because the change was so drastic or maybe because Rafe seemed so set in his ways that it was hard for you to remember that he was only nineteen and still had so much capacity to mature into someone entirely other than what you knew him to be.
Your thoughts on the matter didn’t really matter, you supposed. All that mattered was that he’d stepped up where you’d so clearly dropped the ball, and maybe that was why you found it so hard to snap out of it and be the responsible parent, now. There were days when your grief paralyzed you, and you didn’t feel that nagging obligation to get out of bed because you knew Rafe would handle it.
The blond didn’t say anything, but his thoughts were plain as day as he reached along the counter and slid your drink from in front of you.
“Rafe-.”
“I think you’ve had enough,” was all he drawled, and you found yourself frowning.
“Who’s the parent in this scenario?”
“Apparently me,” he fired back, making your jaw tick. “I’m the one running the business and taking Wheezie to school and making sure there’s actually something to eat in the house.”
You blinked at that, recalling that you couldn’t remember the last time you went grocery shopping. Shame filled you once again, and your gaze lowered, eyes tracing the patterns of the granite. The silence that descended between you was thick, and just when you were about to apologize, Rafe spoke.
“Look, I get that you loved him or whatever, but… So did we…,” your eyes met his at that. “…and Wheezie and Sarah still have to go to school, and I still have to talk to people and deal with contracts and bullshit I didn’t think I would for at least another ten years.”
You realized that Rafe was right, and it made you feel worse because you didn’t think Ward would have married you if he didn’t think you were capable of looking after his children should something happen to him. Yet here you were…letting him down…
Rafe moved from his spot on the other side of the counter, and you only let him when he gently took your arm and forced you to stand. It was a far cry from your dynamic only five months ago. In your defense, you never clicked with Rafe. It wasn’t for lack of trying on your end, but Rafe was so troubled and had so many pent-up emotions and awful drug habits that it only proved to be a breeding ground for disaster.
You could think of too many instances in which you tried to be a parent to him only to be met with the same snarky and cruel demeanor he gave to everyone. He never quite took to you as his new parental figure, and you’d quickly learned that Ward was the only authority he’d respect and listen to. You tended to try and stay out of his way as a result, but Rafe was the one to catch you when you collapsed after getting the news that day.
Overnight, he’d gone from treating you like the ugly stepmother and instead like some injured foal he needed to look out for.
“That’s not healthy,” Mrs. Thornton said to you a few days later.
You watched her set her tea down, lips twisted into disapproval as she marinated on your words.
“You are the parent,” she sternly told you. “It’s your duty to pick up right where Ward left off, and instead you are letting some teenager run things.”
You knew that she was right, but you didn’t exactly relish hearing it.
You had never cared for the older woman, her upbringing influencing the majority of her opinions and stern exterior. However, after the boating accident, you desperately needed another actual adult to talk to. You were out of your element, and everyone knew it, and the first time you sat with her after your husband’s death felt humiliating. Now, however, you practically relied on her to keep your head on straight.
“…but I don’t know how to parent two teenagers all by myself, let alone handle the family business that I was never all that privy to.”
She made a noise at your admission, and it only served to humiliate you further. You had long suspected that she didn’t approve of Ward marrying a significantly younger woman, and by telling her that you weren’t included at all in the important decisions, you only validated her suspicions that you were only ever for show.
You forced yourself to ignore it.
“Their relationship was rocky, yes, but… No one knew Ward like Rafe,” you quietly admitted. “…and Rafe is the only one Ward talked to about all of this. Rafe knows how to make the decisions Ward would want.”
“He’s nineteen,” she scoffed. “Barely older than my own son.”
At your unsure expression, she leaned in closer, brows drawn together and lips pursed.
“You are his parent,” she repeated. “…and the longer you refuse to act like it and let him handle the business and the household and his siblings, he will forget it and start to challenge you in your own home.”
You didn’t have the heart to tell Mrs. Thornton that it didn’t exactly feel like your home anymore. At least not without Ward. While it relieved you that Sarah and Wheezie still treated you as they did before his death, you still couldn’t help but worry that without him around they would soon refuse to take you seriously as a parent. Part of you wouldn’t even blame them.
You’d only been in their life for three years, six months of which you were just their father’s silly twenty something girlfriend. You didn’t need to be a genius to know that they never expected him to actually marry you. Rafe had made that pretty clear when Ward had broken the news with you at his side.
It was a week later when you found yourself knocking on the door of Ward’s study. You supposed that it belonged to Rafe, now, and that correction made your heart clench. Even seeing him in the same spot where Ward often sat made you falter, and it took you a moment to remember why you’d disturbed him. Mrs. Thornton’s words were front and center in your mind.
“We need to have a serious talk about the business.”
At your words, Rafe only tilted his head, and you noted how out of place he looked in Ward’s space. Rafe was so young and everything about him betrayed his mindset and inexperience and impulsive tendencies. He didn’t belong, at all, but who were you to deny him his birthright?
“What about it?” he finally wondered, and you were hyperaware that he was watching your every move as you walked about the room.
“I think that I should be more involved with it,” you told him, continuing at his frown. “Rafe, you’re only nineteen, and like you’d said. You weren’t prepared to be fully involved in this for at least another decade.”
You watched him toss some papers aside at that, and the look he fixed you with made you swallow. It was reminiscent of the Rafe you were used to. You didn’t miss the way he dragged his blue gaze over you, sizing you up, and you definitely didn’t like it.
“You don’t know anything about it.”
The acknowledgement that Ward had never included you in these matters stung, but you only sighed.
“No…but…”
Your words died in the air as Rafe stood, and you had an inkling of what he was going to say by the look on his face.
“Do you even want to be involved in my dad’s business?” he asked you, leaning against the desk with his hands pressed into the wood. “Or are you just listening to Topper’s mom again?”
The blond chuckled at your silence, and it lacked humor.
“My dad left it to me,” he finally said, holding your gaze. “…and I know you think you should be involved because…well…you’re the parent, now…”
You didn’t like the way he rolled his eyes at that, and you blinked when Rafe straightened, nearing you.
“…but you don’t get it.”
Rafe looked between your eyes.
“I disappointed him too much while he was here, and this… This is my chance to make him proud,” he admitted, and your shoulders drooped.
“Rafe…”
“…and not just with his business,” he continued. “He’s gone…so now I have to step up and be the man of the house.”
Despite the fact that you could see where Rafe was coming from, you didn’t necessarily agree. He was too young to be putting so much pressure on himself to follow Ward’s footsteps and make up for his absence. That was your job, and you heaved a sigh, looking down. You’d just started to shake your head when he spoke again.
“Besides…you’re still knocking back…what? Twelve bottles a week?”
You reared back at that, lifting your gaze as he’d already started turning away from you.
“I’m not saying it to be mean,” he assured you, leaning against the desk and intently watching you. “I’m just stating a fact.”
Your throat felt incredibly thick all of a sudden.
“My dad’s death hit you really hard, and I get it. Mrs. Thornton is telling you that you’re the parent—the adult—and so you need to put me in my place and step into your role.”
You looked away, avoiding his eye.
“…but you can barely function most days, and I treated you like shit on more than one occasion, so…” you reluctantly met his gaze again. “It’s only fair that you let me look after you, now.”
You wanted to tell him that that wasn’t his job, and that more importantly, it should be the other way around. However, he was right. In your condition, you’d screw everything up and drive the whole family into debt. It wouldn’t be like this forever, you knew that, and so you reluctantly agreed that you needed time to get yourself together before you fucked it all up.
You woke up in tears, chest tight as you struggled to breathe.
It wasn’t the first time you dreamed about Ward, but instead of a good dream it was only a memory of that day Shoupe had knocked on your door. You’d felt trapped and panicked as you watched on, telling yourself not to answer it. Somehow, if you didn’t answer it then it wouldn’t be true. He wouldn’t be dead but just…still on his boat…enjoying a long vacation.
The events played out just like they did that day. You’d been able to feel the dread deep in your gut at the look on Shoupe’s face, and you kept screaming at yourself to kick him out of your house, that he had nothing good to tell you. You watched the way your face fell and the way your hands shook, and Rafe had only walked into the room for two seconds before hurrying to grab you when your knees buckled. He’d held you, fighting to calm you down as you wailed…
Much like he was doing now.
“Hey, hey,” you heard him harshly whisper, arms tight around you as he kept you from bucking around on the bed. “Y/N…”
Your nails dug into his arm as you tried to catch your breath, but your choked sobs were coming out too fast to give you any kind of reprieve. You could feel Rafe’s chest at your back as he moved closer, and one of his arms snaked around your neck as he held you in place.
“Is she okay?”
It was only then that you realized the hallway light was on and bleeding into the otherwise dark room. Wheezie sounded worried—scared—and you cursed yourself for doing that to her. You were supposed to be their support, comforting them and providing a safe space during this awful time in their lives, and instead it was the other way around.
You both heard and felt Rafe sigh.
“Yeah, she’ll…she’ll be fine. Wheezie, you should go back to bed,” he told her. “Now.”
You could only assume she listened to him, and Rafe only let you go when your breathing started to slow. You weren’t crying as hard when he laid you back down, and his absence was only felt for a few minutes before the bed dipped again. You felt him put a pill in your hand, and you frowned at it as he pulled you into a sitting position.
“Take this,” he told you, pushing your hand towards your mouth.
“What…?”
“It’ll help you sleep,” was all he said, forcing you to pop it into your mouth, a glass of water being pressed to your lips almost immediately.
In your distress, some slipped past your lips, and Rafe beat you to it in brushing his thumb across your chin. Slowly blinking, you laid back down, and you heard Rafe set the glass of water aside. You naturally thought that he’d leave, but you were surprised to feel his hand on the side of your face, smoothing it over your face and hair.
You really didn’t like that he was taking on a role that should’ve been yours, and after some time, you quietly mumbled an apology.
“I loved him,” you whispered in the darkness, and you felt Rafe freeze. “I know you guys think that I didn’t. I know what you and your friends have probably said about me behind my back.”
You tiredly scoffed, more tears escaping as you squeezed your eyes shut.
“…but I loved your father very much, and I wasn’t prepared to do this alone.”
Rafe didn’t say anything, but he didn’t move either, and you pressed your hand to your face, feeling the pill taking effect.
“I don’t know what to do,” you choked out. “He was supposed to be here, Rafe, I’m not supposed to do this alone.”
You could feel your chest tightening again, and Rafe shushed you. You could feel your body becoming lighter, and you welcomed it, face relaxing and breathing slowing. Rafe was still next to you, his body so close to yours that you could feel the heat coming off of it. You didn’t have the strength to push his hand away as his fingers grazed your cheek, and after some time you felt him pull the cover over you.
You didn’t feel him move or leave, but you became less concerned about that the more your fatigue grew.
You stared at Wheezie’s hopeful face, chewing on your lip as you contemplated her request.
“Have I met Natalie’s parents before?” you wondered, and you realized your mistake in asking that when her face dimmed.
“I don’t think so, but…dad did.”
You slowly nodded at that, whispering a small ‘right’ before looking away. It was a Friday evening, and in order to make up for your less than stellar behavior, you’d planned to cook and have dinner as a family—something that hadn’t been done in months. However, Sarah’s plans with her boyfriend put a damper on that, and now Wheezie was asking to stay over at a friend’s.
It didn’t seem fair to make Wheezie stay while Sarah didn’t. Granted, Sarah hadn’t exactly asked you, but still. The plan was to have dinner as a family anyway, and without Sarah, that wish was already ruined. The way you saw it, you might as well let Wheezie go, but you didn’t know Natalie’s parents, and so you felt unsure.
Rafe came into the kitchen then, and with one look between you, he deduced that a serious discussion was being had.
“What’s wrong?” he asked no one in particular.
“I’m asking mom if I can sleep over at Natalie’s tonight.”
“…and I’ve never met Natalie’s parents so…”
You watched Rafe chuckle at that, lips curving into a smirk as he moved to taste the vodka sauce on the stove.
“They’re almost as uptight as Topper’s mom, so Wheezie will be in good hands if that’s what you’re worried about,” he told you, tone light.
While that reassured you, you still felt a little down about your plans for the evening being ruined. You got the feeling that it was noticeable, and you flinched a bit when you felt Rafe’s hands briefly come down on your shoulders before brushing past you.
“You can do your family dinner thing another night,” he suggested, shrugging at you. “Sarah won’t be here anyway.”
Wheezie gave you a pouty lip, and you thought it over. If she said that Ward had met them before, and Rafe confirmed that they were indeed trustworthy, then you didn’t see why not. Even still, you unintentionally found yourself looking to Rafe, and when he gave you the barest of nods, you smiled at the thirteen-year-old.
“Okay,” you breathed, and she jumped up with her phone in hand.
“Natalie’s mom is picking me up,” she threw over her shoulder, hurriedly heading for the stairs.
You were happy to see her coping better with things, so you tried to focus on that instead of the fact that you’d be eating alone. Turning back to the stove, you turned the dial down to a simmer, half expecting Rafe to be gone when you turned around. He wasn’t, and you didn’t miss the way he eyed you as he leaned his arms on the counter.
“Let me guess, you have plans too? It’s Friday, and that usually means you’ll be out somewhere with Topper and Kelce.”
The crooked smile on his face was mocking as he peered up at you from beneath his lashes.
“It’s family dinner night.”
You only rolled your eyes at that, turning away from him.
“You’re nineteen, Rafe. I don’t expect you to turn down plans with your friends just to stay home and sit across from your stepmom,” you sighed. “You can go, it’s fine.”
“You and I both know I don’t do anything I don’t want to do,” he said, something you silently agreed on. “I want to stay.”
When you looked at him again, you were surprised to find him standing much closer, now. You hadn’t even heard him move nor realize just how close his voice was. You couldn’t place the look on the blonde’s face as he stared at you, and you watched him reach up to grab a plate.
“Why?” you chuckled.
Despite how nice he was being now, you both knew that it was only the case because of Ward’s death. Rafe had never cared for you, and if the circumstances were different, he wouldn’t hesitate to get as far away from this house as possible. You felt like Rafe’s thoughts were probably mirroring your own, something passing through his gaze that looked a lot like confusion.
“…because you loved him. Probably more than me,” he shrugged.
You frowned because you didn’t agree with that, at all, and you told him so.
“I think there are very few people who can love someone as much as a son loves his father.”
You threw Rafe a small smile, reaching out to rest your hand on his arm.
“…and you did love him, Rafe. Sure, you guys fought worse than teenage sisters at times,” you breathed, frantically blinking at the memories. “…but that’s just because he wanted the best for you, and you had your own problems that didn’t stop you from disappointing him.”
You tilted your head at him when he looked away.
“You idolized him, and all you wanted was to make him proud. It made things very complicated, but please don’t ever say I loved him more than you did.”
When Rafe looked at you again, there was a deep frown on his face, and for some reason, you felt very small beneath his stare.
“…but you did,” he said with a small shrug, gesturing around. “I mean, look at you.”
You blinked.
“You have to be medicated just to get some sleep, and you still don’t remember staring at the wall for days after he died.”
You felt a chill pass through you at his words, hating how much you’d let them down, but also because there was something about the way Rafe stepped towards you and held your gaze that you didn’t think you liked. It made an unsure feeling twist deep in your gut for some reason.
“So, no. I don’t want to go anywhere with Kelce and Top, not when my dad’s wife is one bad day away from a psychotic break,” he whispered. “He would want me to take care of you.”
His words were reminiscent of the same ones he’d spoken to you in Ward’s study that day, but unlike that day, today they made you feel uneasy, and you didn’t know why. You dropped your hand, taking a step back from him just as Wheezie’s voice reached your ears.
“Natalie’s mom is outside, I’ll text you when I get there,” she called as she ran through the house.
Your voice cracked when you told her to have fun, but you didn’t think she heard, the door slamming shut mid-sentence. Forcing yourself to turn away from Rafe, you grabbed a plate with shaky hands, Mrs. Thornton’s words echoing in your mind that Rafe’s new role in the household wasn’t healthy.
“I swear I’m not doing it to be a bitch, okay?” Sarah’s voice reached your ears. “It’s just really hard to be around her without thinking about dad.”
You swallowed at her words, taking a step back on the stairs,
“Especially when it’s obvious just how hard she’s taking it,” she said. “I mean, she’s a little better, sure, but those sleeping pills you give her aren’t doing a thing. She’s not tired, Rafe, she’s depressed.”
“Well, you’re making her feel like shit,” you heard him reply, a tone in his voice that you hadn’t heard in quite some time. “This is the fourth dinner you skipped out on for your Pogue boyfriend.”
The younger girl didn’t respond right away.
“I’m sorry,” you heard her eventually say. “When did you start caring about her anyway? Weren’t you the one who called her some gold-digger, saying she was coming for your spot in the will?”
That didn’t shock you nor hurt you, long imagining that Rafe had said far worse. You heard him heave a sigh, and it sounded angry.
“Dad’s gone, Sarah, and that means we should stay together as a family,” he sneered. “…and I’m doing what I can to make that happen.”
You heard a slight scuffle, and you hurriedly made your way down the stairs and towards the kitchen. It had been some time since you heard Rafe and Sarah fight, something you definitely didn’t miss, but considering the topic of this discussion, it didn’t surprise you that it was a little more emotionally charged than normal.
When you rounded the corner, Rafe had a tight grip on Sarah’s arm, the younger girl trying to leave with her purse in hand. The expression on his face was unnerving, a deep frown between his brows with his lip curled over his teeth a she got in her face.
“Things are going to be different, now.”
“Rafe.”
Sarah’s eyes were wide and terrified when she looked at you, relaxing a bit at your presence, and you were relieved when Rafe let her go. Sarah only briefly acknowledged you on her way out, desperate to get away from Rafe, and you watched the way he glared after her.
“Rafe, it’s fine,” you told him. “She’s allowed to hang out with her friends for whatever reasons she wants, especially now.”
“Are you going to use that excuse forever? Just because dad died it doesn’t mean that she can do whatever she wants,” he snapped, gesturing towards the door.
“She’s grieving!”
“She’s using it as an excuse to be a shitty daughter, and you’re just letting her.”
You reared back at both his words and his tone, and for the first time in months, you felt something like anger bubble up in your chest.
“It’s not your place to tell me how to raise her. She’s not your daughter,” you spat.
The small laugh that he let out lacked humor, and by the look on his face, you knew that there was something on the tip of his tongue that you would hate.
“Yeah, well, she’s barely yours.”
You could tell that he wanted to take it back almost as soon as he said it, and you pressed your lips together just as he touched his forehead.
“Fuck, that’s not…”
His words trailed off, and you crossed your arms over your chest. You were only thirteen years older than Sarah and knew her for all of three years, so it wasn’t like you didn’t feel the same at times, but it still hurt to hear. It’s like Rafe was voicing your worst fears that she would come to lack respect for you and your presence in her life as a mom.
You didn’t know how to do this…and everyone knew it.
“I just feel like…you’re treating her like dad did, letting her get away with everything, and I hate it,” he slowly said.
Rafe’s feelings about Sarah had never been a secret, and neither had Ward’s. You wouldn’t ever deny the fact that Ward favored her, and it was unfortunately noticeable, something that was always visibly distressing for Rafe. With Ward gone—and with Rafe feeling like he now needed to be the man of the house—this made for a very complex situation.
You couldn’t tell what was rightful concern and what was just Rafe wanting to put Sarah in her place, something he’d never been subtle about.
“I wasn’t expecting to be left raising teenagers by myself before I was even thirty, Rafe,” you finally replied. “I’m trying…”
“I know you are,” he hurried to say, quickly approaching you and reaching for you. “That’s why I’m trying to help.”
You backed away from him before he could touch you, and you didn’t miss the way his expression clouded over at that. Looking away, you swiped your tongue between your lips, choosing your next words carefully. You could feel his heated gaze burning a hole into your face.
“I get that you’re trying to help, and believe me when I say I’m so appreciative of it, Rafe, but… It is not your place,” you carefully said, looking at him again.
You watched him roll his eyes towards the ceiling, nodding to himself. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and when his gaze fell back to you, you immediately knew that you didn’t like it. Rafe’s nostrils flared, and you didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that your words had bothered him, no matter how carefully you chose them.
“What you mean is you’re the parent, I’m not, and I need to stay in a child’s place.”
You sighed at that.
“Not necessarily, I just-.”
“…because if that were true, who would’ve driven Wheezie to school on the mornings when you couldn’t even get out of bed?”
You didn’t appreciate him throwing that in your face, and by the look in his eyes, you could tell he wasn’t done.
“You want me to stay in my place, but I’m the one who made the funeral arrangements and answered the important questions and kept this house together when the woman our dad married was too grief stricken to even stand on her own two feet.”
You bit your tongue, warily eyeing him as he moved to stand directly before you.
“Dad died, and I stepped up. Not you…me,” he firmly told you. “…and now that you’re sort of kind of getting your shit together, you just want to pretend like I should have no say in any of this.”
You didn’t like how close Rafe was, but when you went to take a step back, his hand shot out to dig into your arm, preventing you from doing so. You winced at the tight grip, and you swore you saw his face soften some at the sight. His grip certainly did, and you almost wished that it didn’t because the gentle way he held your arm and the gentle way he looked between your eyes made you deeply uncomfortable.
“Someone has to be the man of the house, now…and it falls to me,” he whispered.
You didn’t even have a proper response for that, feeling wholly unnerved as you stared at one another, and you took a deep breath.
“Let go of me, Rafe,” you quietly said.
You were relieved when he listened, almost convinced that he wouldn’t, and you touched your arm with a step back. You studied his face, searching for what? You didn’t know, but again…Mrs. Thornton’s words would not leave your mind, and you hated the way your lips trembled.
“Do not touch me like that again.”
Your tone was even, but you were sure your eyes betrayed you because Rafe merely raised an eyebrow at you.
“Or what? You’ll send me to my room?”
Your heart sank at his mocking words and the subtle challenge in them, and despite how much nicer Rafe’s next words were, they didn’t make you any less uneasy.
“I’m just trying to do right by my dad and look after everything he left behind.”
His words seemed innocent enough, but for the first time, you allowed yourself to wonder just what that entailed exactly and what role he expected to play in this family. You didn’t want your mind to linger on something that couldn’t be true, and so you left him without another word.
The feel of a hand shaking your shoulder is what pulled you from sleep, and it took you a long time to peel your eyes open. Doing so felt difficult for some reason, and when you exhaled—smelling the wine on your breath—you realized why. Rafe’s face was the one that met you, and you immediately squeezed your eyes shut.
“Y/N,” he gently said. “It’s late.”
As he said this, you realized that you were on the couch, and it didn’t take you long to surmise that you’d fallen asleep there. You didn’t want to move, but you also didn’t want to spend the rest of the night on the couch, knowing you’d regret it the moment you stood up in the morning. Just when you were about to mumble to Rafe to leave you be, you heard him sigh before feeling his arms slide underneath you.
In an effort to keep from falling, you quickly held onto him.
“Rafe,” you mumbled, disapproving.
“Wheezie has friends coming over in the morning,” you were barely able to make out. “I don’t think their moms would appreciate stumbling upon you asleep and hungover on the couch.”
He chuckled to himself as he climbed the stairs.
“They already don’t like you…”
You merely hummed at that, and you were relieved when you felt yourself being deposited onto the bed. Rafe was saying something else to you, but none of it registered as you sought out sleep once again. Your intentions were interrupted though when you felt a hand on your face, and even in your inebriated state, you knew it didn’t feel right. Forcing your eyes open, you struggled to push Rafe’s hand away.
“I just want to make sure you don’t throw up in your sleep,” he mumbled when your eyes blearily met his. “Is that okay?”
You drunkenly blinked at him, lips trembling.
“Why don’t you call me ‘mom’?”
Your question was whispered, voice shaky, and as much as you wanted him out of your bedroom, you also wanted him to answer the question. The house was quiet, both Wheezie and Sarah asleep, and the only light was that of the light in the hall. You didn’t take your eyes off of Rafe as you waited for him to answer no matter how much you wanted to.
In the low lighting, you could see the way his dirty blond hair hung onto his forehead, the light glinting off of his blue eyes.
“I never have,” was his response.
“Well, maybe you should,” you forced out. “I don’t want you saying my name anymore.”
You didn’t miss the way his nostrils flared at that.
“Why not?”
“…because I don’t like it,” you confessed, tears kissing your eyes. “Not anymore.”
His face fell a bit at the way your voice cracked, and when he reached for you again, you hurriedly sat up.
The silence was loud as you just stared at each other, something unspoken passing between you. You felt like you wanted to crawl out of your own skin whenever he so much as looked at you, now, thoughts running wild with what you prayed to be untrue. His stony expression told you that they weren’t, that he’d been found out, and in your drunken state, you couldn’t stop your tears from spilling over.
When he reached for you again, it startled you right off of the bed.
The night stand shook as you fell against it, and you cried out in pain just as Rafe cursed. You didn’t want his help, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t need it as he hurried to reach you. The feel of his hands on you burned and not in a good way, causing you to flinch away from his touch. That didn’t deter him though, and his grip was tight as he kept you in place, his other hand reaching for your head.
“Did you hit your head? Are you-?”
“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, shoving at his chest, and Rafe grew quiet.
The only sound for a while was your soft sobs, and Rafe’s refusal to leave you alone kept him kneeling before you. When you tried to stand up, he ignored your protests, reaching out and helping you. You swayed, and Rafe kept you close much to your chagrin. You wanted him gone as soon as possible, so you were quick to sit back down, but Rafe didn’t let your waist or your hand go.
Swooping down, he captured your lips in a kiss.
You wanted to gag.
His hand was almost painfully twisted around yours, making you wince, and every attempt to scoot back was only met with the resistance of his hand on your waist. Your stomach churned as he moved his mouth against yours, wanting to be sick at the feel of him kissing you on the same bed where Ward used to sleep. When his fingers dipped beneath your shirt, you bit him.
Hard.
You took the moment to remove yourself as he cried out, hurrying towards the bathroom and locking yourself inside. That awful sick feeling wasn’t as hollow as you thought, your knees hitting the floor almost as soon as you made it inside, head bent in the toilet. You couldn’t stop crying as you emptied your stomach, throat scratchy from the alcohol that was coming back up.
When you were able to catch your breath, you were shaking. You could still feel Rafe’s lips on yours, and on top of everything else you were forced to deal with in the months following your husband’s death, this was the last thing you’d ever anticipated.
You’d slept on the bathroom floor that night, refusing to leave and face Rafe. If Sarah and Wheezie noticed the tension between the two of you, they didn’t comment on it or at the very least, not to you. The knowledge that Rafe wanted to take Ward’s place in every facet of the household made you sick, and while neither of you mentioned that night, it also felt clear between the two of you that it wouldn’t be ignored forever.
You wanted him out of the house.
…but that wasn’t your place, was it? Rafe had more of a right to all of this way more than you did, and you couldn’t be the one to leave. Rafe may have been nineteen and an adult in the eyes of the law, but no matter how much of a 180 he’d done, you couldn’t trust him to properly raise Wheezie and Sarah. Especially now that you knew his 180 had less to do with just wanting to be a better person or more about taking on the role Ward had played in every way.
You shuddered at the thought, and oddly enough, this tempted you to drink yourself into a stupor more than Ward’s death ever did.
You and Rafe were ten years apart, so seeing him like a son had always been hard at times, but it didn’t stop you from treating him like one in the years that you’d been with his father. You’d liked to think that the sentiment was returned, and maybe at one time it had been, and maybe after Ward’s death things just…changed.
Was this your fault?
Had you dropped the ball so hard that he couldn’t even bring himself to see you as a parental figure anymore? Did he stop trying to respect you as one or…? Or did it have to do with how much he’d had to take care of you? You didn’t treat him any different, talk to him any different, so maybe you hadn’t done anything to change his perception of you.
Even if you had…what could you possibly have done to make him see you as a potential partner?
As if your nights weren’t bad enough—haunted by memories of Ward and that day you’d been told he was dead—you were now also kept awake by the knowledge that your stepson very much wanted to fill the void left by his father. And maybe if Rafe were anyone else, you could’ve talked about this, tried to sort through this, but Rafe was Rafe, and you reminded yourself that the Rafe you were accustomed to had only disappeared less than six months ago.
…and you’d seen hints of him just peeking from below the surface.
You resisted the urge to drink these days, positive that one sip would have you spiraling. You didn’t know how to cope with this new development, but you knew it couldn’t be that way. It didn’t go unnoticed that the night Rafe kissed you, you’d been drunk out of your mind, completely vulnerable to him. You also couldn’t bring yourself to take anymore sleeping pills, recalling Sarah’s words that day as she’d told Rafe that you were depressed…not tired.
She was right.
…and so despite the difficulty, you forced yourself to try and sleep without medication night after night. It was hard for several reasons, the most pressing of which being the unnerving presence of the nineteen-year-old just down the hall. It made it hard to find sleep most nights, and on the nights in which you did, you still do so with only maybe four hours to your name.
It was noticeable.
“I can stay and help, you know. It’s just John B., and he’ll understand why I’m late,” Sarah offered.
You could see by the look on her face that she was worried about you, and despite your attempt, you knew that your reassuring smile didn’t convince her.
“Sarah, it’s a Saturday night,” you told her. “I’m not going to make you stay and help me clean the kitchen, especially when you helped me cook and stayed for dinner.”
She looked like she wanted to argue but decided against it.
“Yeah, I’m glad I did.”
Her tone told you that she was feeling bad about the other dinners she’d skipped out on, and you were proven right.
“I’m sorry about not staying for all the others and…basically avoiding you,” she quietly apologized. “It’s just that Ward cared about you a lot, and when I’m around you, it’s easy to see why…and it just makes me think about him.”
You only exhaled at that, letting out a small chuckle as you washed the dishes.
“You don’t have to apologize, Sarah. I get it,” you whispered, pausing. “I miss him too.”
“Yeah, well, he’s an asshole, but Rafe was kind of right in confronting me over my behavior.”
The mention of Rafe had your hairs standing on end, and you swallowed down a sigh, still unsure what you were going to do about the blond.
“There were better ways for him to get his point across…”
Sarah only found that funny, softly laughing to herself.
“Yeah, but he wouldn’t be Rafe if he didn’t be rude about it, so,” she trailed off, pushing away from the counter. “I’ll be back before 1.”
You hummed at that, letting her know that was okay, and it was only ten minutes later that you were alone. Wheezie went to a sleepover just after dinner, and Rafe hadn’t been home all day. Before where that would have concerned you, now you could only be relieved to get some reprieve from the oldest Cameron. God knows that you needed the space to think.
Going over every scenario in your mind, the best one seemed to be to hope that it would just go away. You didn’t want to find yourself in some sort of legal battle if you even attempted to kick Rafe out and basically bar him from his own home. Legality of it all aside, it just wasn’t morally right. This was where he grew up, his safe space, and you couldn’t even pretend to feel comfortable at the thought.
The other option just wasn’t even an option. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t just pack up and abandon Wheezie and Sarah. Never mind the fact that you’d been in their lives for three years now, but now more than ever they needed stability. Their father only just died, and what kind of person would you be if you decided you just didn’t want to be responsible for them anymore? Allowing Rafe to run you off wasn’t an option.
Besides, there was a tiny and terrifying voice in the back of your head anyway that said he wouldn’t even let you.
It was an hour later that you found yourself in bed after cleaning the kitchen and taking a bath. You needed the soak, needed to do whatever you could to relax you. It wasn’t even ten o’clock, but considering how hard sleep was for you to find lately, you figured there was no harm in letting your head hit the pillow early.
Maybe you could trick your body into going to sleep at a decent time.
The minutes dragged on and were made to feel like hours, but the silence of the house and the fact that you were alone did more wonders than you thought. You could feel your eyelids becoming heavy, and what little sounds you could make out from outside slowly started to fade. The last thing you recalled was your body feeling heavier…
…and then you were standing in front of Shoupe, and he was telling you that Ward was dead, and you couldn’t even stand on your feet anymore.
You sat up with a gasp, struggling to breathe, and by the way your vision blurred, you knew that you’d been crying in your sleep. There was a voice in your ear shushing you, and despite the fact that you knew who the hands on your arms belonged to, your mind was too preoccupied with painful memories to fully register it.
Rafe pulled you against him, holding you to him as you sobbed, thinking to yourself that it had been a few weeks since you’d had a really bad reaction. You shook in his hold, head bowed as you wailed, and you were momentarily grateful that the house was empty. The blond rocked you, forcing you to press your face into the crook of his neck, and it was only then that you registered the smell of alcohol.
Before you could gather yourself to ask Rafe where he’d been, his hands were clumsily grasping at your face.
You sharply inhaled when he kissed you…again. You could taste the alcohol on his tongue, and you were so distraught that it took you too long to realize what was happening. The kiss was hungry, Rafe tasting the inside of your mouth and kissing you in a way that might’ve taken your breath away under different circumstances.
As it were, you could only register that you were being kissed by your deceased husband’s son again. It made your stomach twist uncomfortably, and your efforts to reach up and pull his hands away from your face were futile. You made a noise of protest, attempting to lean away, but he ignored it. Even when you bit at him like before, he ignored it.
With horror, you realized that Rafe wasn’t stopping it.
Panic began to set in, and when you shoved at his chest, he quickly reached to close his hand around your wrist. At the same time, he leaned into you more, forcing you back, and you didn’t put your hand down in time to prevent that. With him now on top of you, your heart was threatening to leap from your chest.
“Rafe,” you gasped when he pulled away. “Rafe, stop!”
Your voice came out panicked and shrill, but instead of listening to you, the sounds were only joined by that of your shorts ripping.
“He would want me to look after you,” he drunkenly murmured, making your stomach drop.
You both fought for the right to your shirt, you trying to keep it on and Rafe trying to take it off. You felt like you were on the verge of a panic attack, telling yourself that this wasn’t happening. In the worst way possible, you discovered that Rafe was much stronger than he looked, feeling like you got the wind knocked out of you when he roughly shoved you down after your attempt to sit up.
You could hear yourself crying, and you knew that Rafe could too.
With a hand tightly snaking around your throat, his other fumbled to get his own pants off. Focused on trying to breathe, you reached up to pull at his hand. You could hear a ringing in your ears, and your chest felt tighter than it did when you first woke up from your nightmare. His lower half was pinning you down, and the blood you could feel yourself drawing on his hand and arm didn’t slow him down.
He was shushing you when you felt his skin against yours, and one of your hands twisted into his shirt as he started to push himself into you. The feel had your feet stretching, and you let out a choked sound despite the pressure on your throat. He was torturously slow in stretching you out around him, and with every further push of his hips, you clawed at his shirt some more.
He only let your neck go when his hips were firmly pressed against yours.
As you coughed and wheezed, he reached behind his head to pull the fabric off, tossing it somewhere without a car. The moment his chest was bare, he reached for you again despite your difficulty to breathe, and his lips covered yours in another kiss. You didn’t even have time to register the kiss because he was thrusting into you with abandon. His hips were wildly snapping against yours, and you gasped into his mouth.
Rafe searched for your hands, threading his fingers through your own and pinning it against the bed next to your head. His other hand was digging into your hips, kipping them in place as he fucked you. You struggled to catch your breath, sharply inhaling and gasping with every thrust. The stretch was unfamiliar, and your mind spun with the fact that you hadn’t experienced this in months and also who it was with.
When Rafe pulled his lips away from yours, you let out a sob, and he gently shushed you, curving his hips into yours.
“Let me take care of you,” he murmured in the darkness. “It’s okay.”
You had so much you wanted to scream and shout at the blond, but you couldn’t even find the words. With every feeling of his cock sliding against your walls, your eyes rolled. His head fell next to yours, his heavy breathing in your ear as he pinned you down with his entire body. You weren’t able to move, only forced to lie beneath him and feel what he was doing to you.
He grunted in your ear with a particularly hard thrust, and you let out a yelp.
Just then, you heard the door open downstairs, and hearing it too, Rafe stopped. He was quick to cover your mouth with a hand, and he was completely still as you heard who you surmised was Sarah coming up the stairs. Your heart was so heavy in your chest, and it was all you could hear in your ears.
When she made it to the hallway, she stopped.
“Y/N, are you asleep?” she called.
At that, Rafe pressed down harder on both your mouth and you, and after a few moments, you heard the younger girl sigh. When the sound of her room door shutting reached your ears, Rafe kept his hand on your mouth, but he felt compelled to keep fucking you.
He was slow in doing so, now, and you squeezed your eyes shut.
He slowly dragged his cock in and out of you, pulling his hips back until just the tip remained—sometimes pulling out completely—before pushing back in and making your chest arch up into his. He quietly told you that it was okay, softly groaning as you unintentionally squeezed him. Rafe’s lips brushed against your neck and jaw, and now that the two of you were no longer alone, the room was deathly quiet.
So quiet that you could hear the sound of his cock plunging into you.
It was a sound that embarrassed you, a sound that made you want to cry. Rafe’s arms trembled as he fought to keep himself from just relaxing on top of you completely, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him that if he uncovered your mouth, you wouldn’t even scream. You would be too ashamed to let anyone know what Rafe Cameron was doing to you.
With his lips at your neck, you could feel them move as he talked.
“My dad’s gone…”
The mention of Ward in this moment made more tears spill over, and when he slowly removed his hand, you let out a shaky breath as you silently cried. Lifting his head, Rafe’s gaze found yours, his hips still slowly pushing against yours.
“…and I know that it’s killing you, but…”
He swallowed, looking between your eyes.
“…but you have me, now,” you let out a soft cry at that. “You do, and I’m…I’m going to take care of you.”
His hand reached up to touch your face, the tips of his fingers grazing your wet cheek. You shook your head, feeling like you were going to be sick, and Rafe only shushed you. His lips followed yours as you attempted to turn your head away, and you could taste your tears in the kiss.
“I’ve got the business…I’ve got the family ring…” his lips moved against yours as he spoke into the kiss. “…and I’ve got you.”
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#dark!rafe cameron#dark!rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron imagine#obx#outer banks#obx fanfiction#obx imagine#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks imagine
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matoba has to feel so smug about this though. 1) oooh he WANTS me he NEEDS me he has to have me so bad that hes gotta come in here and make a scene about it and 2) hes just like me fr...
crashes ur board meeting n drags u out by the collar but its fine bc youre the one always saying shit like "im looking for people i can use" ok lol. get used idiot
#teen matoba trying to make like he's testing natori to see if natori will be useful to him#when ACTUALLY he's like oooh look at me shuuichi-san i'm sooo strong i'm stronger than you tee hee *twirls hair*#you can't protect anyone if you're not strong. you should be finding people who can make you stronger...HINT HINT#well it took him seven years but he finally internalized the lesson!#he's all growed up and abducting people to serve his own ends...senpai's proudest moment *sniffles*#homura cats arc#natsume's book of friends#f#horrible exorcists#maybe they didn't talk in the car after all because matoba was just radiating satisfaction so loudly#natori: shut up. matoba: i didn't say anything <3 [they narrowly avoid dying in a ditch when natori corners too hard]#natori: NOT A WORD. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE AND YOU HAVE TERRIBLE DEPTH PERCEPTION.#matoba: again i am just sitting here /_^#famous heartthrob actor man being a cringefail loser in front of his secret rival is sth that can actually be so personal...#like let's review this day in the life of natori shuuichi‚ handsome idol‚ talented exorcist‚ head of his clan:#1) manhandles matoba in public in such a way that embarrasses only himself and not matoba#2) drives his car so badly that matoba later refuses his offer to hang out after work even though matoba is obsessed w him#3) is told to stay put and babysit while matoba and the teen natori brought him here to save#go do dangerous things that matoba deems him not strong enough for <3#4) is entrusted with natsume's precious heirloom slash WMD and almost loses it to HIS OWN MAGIC the total dumbass#but then! 5) he saves matoba! and after that! 6) he and matoba do their sexy joint spellcasting!!#then 7) everybody finds out he's 'pro-matoba' and 8) no one will let him drive them home in his car :(#he fully takes it on the chin the entire day long and it doesn't even really seem to phase him#he knew he was outmatched so he went to get matoba even though that was embarrassing. he did it anyway. no shame#matoba says stay behind you weakling and he does without arguing#he can't fight the puppet while also protecting sensei and the BOF so he's just like okay time to retreat#natori shuuichi has the most interesting ego of any fictional character ever perhaps#how does he do it? he wasn't born with it...it might be maybelline though. i can't rule it out#it's at least partially maybelline (where maybelline = deliberate and skilled shaping of other people's perceptions#through manipulation of external appearances...redirection via the artistry of artifice...et cetera)
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when you call them "husband" - part 2
how the blue lock boyfriends react when you call them "husband" - part 2
pairings: itoshi rin, michael kaiser, mikage reo x fem!reader (no descriptions tho, just the words "wife" on rin's part) (separate) | warnings: established relationship, fluff, lovesick boys
notes: I'M ALIVE! i cant believe how long it's been since i had time/energy/creativity to write something, ohmy goddddddd. i'm so sorry for all the time it took to post this, but i wanna ty all so much for all the love on part 1 and all the requests for part 2! hopefully this will meet your expectations ♥ as always, i went a lil' overboard with rin's part. enjoy!
part 1 / masterlist
ITOSHI RIN
rin was not a fan of social media. it was clear with the way his instagram only had 8 pictures despite being years since his career started, and even more so by the fact he had no other social media besides that. if he wasn’t so famous, people would say itoshi rin was a ghost or some artificial intelligence invention.
it was one of the reasons people were very shocked when he started dating you, an influencer with millions of followers on every platform. rin was a private person, and you… well, you shared your life on the internet for everyone to see. to say you were polar opposites was an understatement.
however, you never forced your boyfriend to appear in any of your socials, only recording things for your own fun and memories and posting only what he allowed. rin was glad for that. he didn’t mind doing dumb things with you to see you smile, as long as the rest of the world couldn’t see how whipped he was for you.
also, you were kind of glad the professional athlete was so unaware of social media, because it meant you could do a lot of tiktok trends without the risk of him already knowing what was coming — which made everything more satisfying.
and the trend you chose that day was especially good.
“hey everyone, it’s y/n here!” you chirped, waving your hands in front of your phone. however, you were actually recording rin, who was at the other side waiting for your sign to appear on the screen.
you continued speaking. “today i have a very special guest, who i’m sure you’re all very familiar with.” you gave the camera a little cheeky wink, and your boyfriend rolled his eyes with all your theatrics. “please welcome itoshi rin, my handsome husband!”
rin gave a step forward to start his way to you, but suddenly, his whole body froze, brows furrowing in what you could only call utmost confusion. silence took over the room for what felt like an eternity, and you had to suppress your laugh seeing the imaginary ‘loading’ wheel on his head.
rin.exe stopped working.
“baby?” you decided to intervene, honestly a little scared of how immobile rin was.
“you— i’m— did you just— did we—”
you could no longer hold your laughter, and rin’s favorite melody echoing through the walls of your shared apartment was probably what snapped him out of his trance. he immediately scowled and crossed his arms, cheeks burning red from his pathetic stutter.
“i am never doing these dumb videos with you again.”
“no, no, i’m sorry!” your giggles kept going, and you approached your pouty boyfriend, squishing his cheeks between your hands. the smooch you gave him was almost enough to make him melt. almost. rin still had some self respect.
he also didn’t want to admit how abnormally fast his stone heart was beating with the mere thought of being referred to as your husband — and, even better, referring to you as his wife.
fuck. that certainly did make him feel lots of things. those stupid butterflies that were born the minute you met were roaming freely in his stomach, soaring with all the love he had harbored just for you.
“i’m sorry, baby,” you said again, smiling like you swallowed the sun and all things good in this world. you might as well have. how else could rin explain the way you were his everything? “it was a prank i saw on tiktok.”
he arched his eyebrow, arms uncrossing to put his hands on your waist. “oh? so you don’t want me to be your husband?”
the itoshi was satisfied to see you flushing this time. “i— w-well, you see…”
and then you started rambling, just like you did every time something made you nervous. and rin could only look at you as if nothing else was worth looking at, because really, to him, it wasn’t.
…well, maybe the sight of you walking down the aisle would get the cake. he might have to find out soon.
MICHAEL KAISER
once you started dating bastard munchen’s star, michael kaiser, it was natural to have his world collide with yours. everything from football to blue hair dye to weird sleeping habits became a part of you as well, and you nourished every expanse of your world his presence alone was able to give.
your favorite part, besides learning all of him — his little habits, quirks and love languages that seemed to be crafted solely for you — was definitely immersing yourself in his culture. germany always seemed distant and quite detached from your life, and you loved to learn new things from different perspectives.
food, traditions, language… michael loved teaching you things, giddy and secretly grateful for your excitement. it was his sparkly eyes that prompted you to learn a few things by yourself to surprise him and make him happy.
the tiktok trend was just a nice coincidence.
you phone was hidden on the kitchen balcony, camera recording and waiting for the moment your boyfriend would arrive in your shared apartment. luckily, kaiser was very punctual, and you didn’t have to wait much longer.
“liebling, i’m home!” you heard him scream from the front door, and you giggled to yourself, pretending to be busy chopping vegetables for dinner.
you waited for his footsteps to near where you were, and, as soon as you felt he entered the camera frame, you answered:
“welcome home, ehemann!”
you didn’t have to turn around to see the way kaiser completely froze; arms stopping just before reaching your waist as if your figure was an illusion created by his tired mind. you fought hard to suppress your grin.
“what… did you say…?” his voice was low and uncertain, but there was no annoyance in it; just pure confusion.
turning your head around to finally look at him, you were pleased to find your mikka with rosy cheeks and a bashful expression, so extremely unusual for a guy like him you couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter on your chest.
you gave him your best innocent look. “huh? isn’t that how you say boyfriend?”
“i-it’s husband, liebe. you called me husband,” his tone was still incredulous, and this time, you couldn’t keep your smile off your face.
“oh, did i?”
your countenance seemed to finally snap him out of his trance, and michael’s eyebrows shot up, scoffing slightly — albeit still endearingly. his arms circled your waist and he pressed a kiss on the side of your neck.
“how mean of you, baby. playing with my heart like that.” he trailed more kisses on your neck and jaw, making you squirm. “you tryin’ to kill me or something?”
you giggled again, both from the ticklish kisses he was giving you and the huge amount of love you had harbored just for him. “of course not, baby. i need you alive to make you my husband,” you jested.
“oh, yeah? you wanna make me your husband?”
“yes.” you shifted, giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek. kaiser hugged you a little tighter, feeling something fuzzy inside his chest. “is that a problem?”
“never,” he answered immediately. because it was true.
boyfriend, fiancé, partner, husband… michael didn’t mind what title would be bestowed to him — as long as he could keep being yours.
MIKAGE REO
being the heir of one of the biggest corporations of the country and a professional football player made your boyfriend’s schedule pretty busy. therefore, thursdays like these, where you and him could have a nice walk around the park under the warm sunlight, hand in hand, were extremely rare — hence why they were so appreciated.
reo knew how much his frenetic agenda was a hard toll on your relationship, affecting both of you with distance, longing and short periods of time together. and, well, everyone knew how much of a goner he was for you, so it wasn’t surprising to see him give in whatever spare time he had in his hands — even going as far as making such time exist if there wasn’t any — to be with you for as long as he possibly could.
how could he deny your pretty little eyes pleading to have a stroll in the park with him ‘just for a few minutes?’
god, you were so selfless. he wanted to give you all of his minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years. and for all that’s worth, reo would never deny you of such a thing — he’d rather shoot himself than make you think you weren’t loved with every fiber of his being.
the weather was nice; a gentle breeze kissing both of your faces and making everything more pleasant. you were both chatting and appreciating the calm environment when you spotted an old lady a few feet ahead, selling different colored roses for the passersby. a smile was etched onto your lips, and you impulsively let go of reo’s hand to run towards her.
“why hello, dear. would you like to buy a rose?”
your boyfriend watched you beam to the lady and slowly approached you, though still keeping his distance and trying hard not to intervene and buy all the roses for you.
“yes, please! a red one would be perfect.”
“oh, who will you give it to?” asked the woman, already taking one flower from the bunch to hand it to you.
your smile became slightly more bashful, “it’s for my husband!”
and fuck, if reo wasn’t already completely in love with you and thoroughly believed you were his soulmate until then, he certainly would after that very moment. he could feel his cheeks burning and his tongue rolling inside his mouth with how speechless he became. his heart soared with your words, excitement coursing through his veins with a love so overwhelming he nearly fell on his knees right there.
heavens, he loved you so fucking much. and you made him realize it was about time he proved it to you (once again).
his hands easily found his phone in his pocket, and a quick call to the jewelry store was made while you busied yourself with paying for the flower. reo couldn’t stop smiling like a lovesick fool, but he didn’t mind.
“hey, mr. fuji, it’s mikage! you know, i think it’s time for that visit i mentioned a while ago…”
he might not fall to his knees right there, but he would drop at one knee very soon.
#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#bllk imagines#blue lock#blue lock fanfiction#blue lock drabbles#blue lock fluff#blue lock x y/n#blue lock x you#blue lock scenarios#blue lock rin#itoshi rin#bllk#itoshi rin x y/n#itoshi rin x reader#itoshi rin x you#rin itoshi x y/n#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi x you#michael kaiser x reader#michael kaiser x you#michael kaiser x y/n#mikage reo x you#mikage reo x reader#mikage reo x y/n#reo mikage x you#reo mikage x reader#reo mikage fluff
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You guys are so lucky I don't post personal things on here very often. I used to use Vent
#personal#my twitter is full of so much random crap#this post is inspired by how i was going to tall abt my bf and me being on the rocks and me listening to the chain by fleetwood mac#and how that is kind of on the nose#except that ppl w a lot of vested interest in my relationship follow my twitter. so i cannot :/#anyway. do u guys want an anecdote#when i was 15 my ex took like 5 days over christmas to break up with me. we're fine now but i was so dramatic abt it at the time#and the way i coped with the situation was by laying on my grandma's floor listening to the sound of silence and i am a rock#by simon and garfunkel on vinyl on repeat. lying on the floor in the dark. getting up every 8 minutes to put the needle back#it sucked but isnt that the funniest way i could have dealt with that situation?#i totally wrote about it on my alt Vent account that i made so my ex wouldnt see my ultra-secret posts#if ur a teenager reading this i am not making fun of you! i was so angry abt ppl not taking me seriously when i was younger#my mum used to tell me that 20 years down the line i would laugh at my teenage self and that always used to piss me off#and i still think that's p uncharitable. my teenage self had a lot of shit going on that i would be unable to handle even now#and she was so young and ppl asked so much of her! and she had so little experience.#of course it sucked that hard! she had literally never experienced anything that painful before! she'd only been alive like 14 years#my brain STILL isn't fully cooked but i sure am an adult. but 14 year old kid me? 15 or 16 y/o me? she had every right to feel so strongly#genuinely i do not consider my teenage self to have been a hormonal mess. not bc i wasnt but bc so much other shit supplanted the hormones#and it always has and probs always will piss me off when ppl dont consider minors as actual people with thoughts and feelings and abilities#...so me laughing at my teenage self isnt derogatory! it is a compassionate teasing of the person i used to be#what a dumbass (affectionate)
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