#Tolkien shitpost

[maglorslostsilmaril]

aragorn needs to be 10x weirder in all tolkien content. he’s too manly for elves. he’s too elvish for men. he roleplayed his crush’s grandpa, and then married her even though they were kinda siblings by adoption. he deals with his feelings by singing. he’s a horse girl. he was raised by elrond peredhel. he had the weight of the world placed on his shoulders when he was still an emo teen. everywhere he goes people think he’s lowkey a freak. let him own it.

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Tolkien: The sun is great

Tolkien: But you know what would make it even better?

Tolkien: If it were a tree.

[erendur]

Who said it best ?

Anakin to Obi-Wan vs Fëanor to Manwë's herald.

[localmdderes]

I wish summer were actually as kind as Elrond.

Or at least half as kind as him I guess.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

dior aranel ausir eluchíl the fair

[starsofarda]

Ok, hear me out.

I know that ELVES do not get sick and all, but let me ignore Canon for a moment to speculate.

Let's talk allergies.

Milk

Eggs

Gluten

Soya

Sulphites

Celery

Crustaceans

Fish

Lupin

Molluscs

Mustard

Tree Nuts

Peanuts

Sesame

Which ones do your blorbos have and how much drama do they add?

I personally feel like the Finweans are riddled with them. They all think they are picky eaters, but they are not. It's the allergies.

[klinefelterrible]

*looking at stabbed Frodo*

Arwen: yeah so I think my father might want to see that

Aragorn: will that make him better?

Arwen: yeah he likes gnomes and midgets

Arwen: which is it?

Aragorn: Frodo

Arwen: what?

Aragorn: his name

Aragorn: is Frodo Baggins

Arwen: *scoffs* classic

Frodo: *moans*

Arwen: yeah calm down “Frodo Baggins”

Arwen: *chuckles*

Aragorn: will your father save him?

Arwen: yeah yeah

Arwen: I mean maybe

Arwen: how the fuck should I know

[iminye]

He's one of them rangers [...] What his real name is I've never heard but 'round here we only call him 'Booper'

- Boopliman Butterboop, The Lord of the Boop: The Fellowship of the Boop

[maglorslostsilmaril]

thought: popular, but it’s legolas, who has all sorts of experience being in the spotlight, teaching young aragorn about charisma and charm

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

I wish Tolkien had named haldad’s children haldaughter and halson

[erendur]

Are the Fëanorians just a little bit afraid of Maedhros ?

He manages to more or less get his brothers to behave for a while. So.

Other polls :

Are the Fëanorians afraid of Celegorm ?

Are the Fëanorians afraid of Fëanor ?

Are the Fëanorians afraid of Maglor ?

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

if only the orcs that killed boromir had that good of an aim

[halfelven]

.

[edennill]

hmmm... if (1) all types of flora and fauna are present in Valinor, and (2) Beleriand roughly corresponds to Europe in climate -> this leads to one of the things the Noldor miss most about Aman being chocolate??