#To Care for Those Who Cared for Us
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#Confessions of a Traitor#To Care for Those Who Cared for Us#Punishing Myself Before God Does#Metal#metalcore#Spotify
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~What i couldve been~
I was just gonna do the adult timeline zelda but im so enchanted by the idea of these two versions of the same character. People always talk about how link would be changed but never zelda.
#tloz#princess zelda#sheik#majoras mask#ocarina of time#loz redesigns round 2#art#my art#redesigns#they had Entirely different teen years#a zelda who had to deal with the deaths of those close to her and having to be in hiding#meanwhile training up to hopefully take care of it on her own#only to seemingly doom her kingdom in the future to save another timeline from the same grief#creating this zelda who seemingly at most has one bad vision which is immedietly#confirmed by random fairy boy in the woods#and seemingly lives happily ever after?#i wish we knew more from the new timeline other than boring implications from tw-light pr-ncess#but yes i split different design element over both of them#oot zelda having shorter hair like her sheik form#while mm zelda keeps the long#also using some elements from the kid design like mm still kinda having that headband alongside the crown#the l-nks will be another post since i only have ideas for one right now
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Danny has been reincarnated.
Which was an odd thing to realize, it wasn't even a slow one he just... snapped into it one day. One moment he was staring at a wall out of boredom the next, well, he was staring for an entirely different reason.
It was a task for his now young -he thinks around three years old?- mind to work its way through the memories, but it wasn't like he had much else to do honestly. So, what does he know?
His name is Danny, like, his actual name and not just a moniker. He was once a halfa and he already knows he's going to be missing invisibility and intangibility. He, well, died. For like, a second time which actually makes sense because reincarnation-
Anyways.
He was a clone of two people from this thing called the Justice League which, weird name but probably some government or activist group. Wonder Woman and Superman. Which were pretty weird names to name your kids but eh.
He doesn't really remember much besides that from this life, or the one from before but he's an adult! He'll figure things out once he gets out of this containment tube thing.
Did he mention he was in a test tube? He's a tube baby now. He thinks? Or maybe it's more like he's being contained.
Whatever.
So he breaks out. Thank you apparent superstrength that he has no idea why he has but he's not going to complain! He then wandered around all of the other test tubes, able to remember just enough of English to see that yea, they're dead.
He probably was too, before he had memories zapped into him. Or a vegetable.
He then finds this really big container, checks it out, then opens it because the clone inside isn't dead!
'Project Match' it said. He'll just call him Match.
Was he thanked for helping him? Nope. You would think that he would be thanked or at least somewhat respected for saving this guy but nope!
He was, quite literally, held up by his leg and dangled in the air. Who dangles a three-year-old?! Well, he was technically and adult but still! The next few things were a blur but after pulling off the old Fenton charm he found him and Match outside as he tried to stop him from attacking random people.
Luckily the charms and privilege of the youngest (he's assuming he's the youngest, because he's physically three) was more than enough to get through to him. Sure, the guy couldn't form words, really aggressive for literally no reason, really weird but also absolutely cool looking eyes. But he worked around the first issue by developing their own personal language from like grunts and stuff, the second he once again used his youngest privilege to boss him around and the third a pair of sunglasses easily fixed.
He just had to steer Match clear of those random S crest mark thingies. Which was a weird thing to hate but hey, he's not there to judge.
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#Danny is a clone of Wonder Woman and Superman#He wasn't perfect so he got put up#Through the use of bullshit youngest privileges Danny can boss around and somewhat pacify Match#You know how the Batfam made their own language in those Cryptid/Creepy/Isolated Batfam fics?#Yea that but between Danny and Match#This is obviously before Superboy freed Match but this is also after Superboy was freed#Danny has zero clue who Wonder Woman or Superman is or the Justice League#Lex Luthor is a bit perplexed over two clones missing when he finds out but doesn't care too much since they were both failed clones#And no problem arouse regarding the two of them#He's more so worried about who got passed his security#Nobody besides Lex (because as mentioned above) knows about them#Yet
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i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.
i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.
#dragon age#yes i’ve seen john epler’s explanation on only wanting to carry forward choices that they could ‘really do something with.’#and i understand what he’s saying and i’m curious to see how those 3 choices they brought forward will impact the story!!#but i’m still disappointed. and i think telling people why they shouldn’t be disappointed is just gonna make them More disappointed.#also don’t really appreciate dev comments like ‘careful what you wish for with cameos. it just gives us an excuse to find new and horrific#ways to kill your faves teehee 🤭🤭’ like okay???????? what???#alistair came back twice & could be fine both times. loghain’s inquisition cameo was so meaningful because who the hell expected to see him#again? leliana can straight up die in origins and yall brought her back anyways. like what are we doing out here.#also when i think of ‘typical’ nonsense for this fandom it’s people doxxing each other over fictional character opinions. or what#fictional side your fictional inquistor took in the fictional mage-templar war. or just plain old racism.#NOT ‘damn it’s fucking upsetting that this excited replay i’ve been doing of the previous games and all the recommending i’ve been doing#for new fans to play the other games before veilguard has turned out to be pretty fucking pointless.’#might as well tell someone to watch a let’s play of trespasser and that’s it.
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equipping these not for strategic reasons. but gay ones
#bg3#sorry for my issues and problems.#not using this in whatever the hell was going on between the two who had these previously. donot care for those vibes. this is for love now#shut th fuck up about ‘not reading the journal’. i read it. i reject that nonsense and am forming new association. my world now#rb’s off bc none of you can shut the hell up or read<3
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i know the pain is nauseating. i know you are disappointed. i know you feel betrayed. i know it feels hopeless and bleak. i know you're tired.
please don't disappear.
please be kind.
please continue to take care of yourself.
please keep living day by day.
please live. out of spite. out of hope for a better tomorrow.
if you are POC, queer, femme, trans, disabled, you are loved. you are wanted. i may not know you, but i love you with my whole person. there is still good in this world, this isn't the end.
#important#us politics#pingyappathon#if you need to step away to take care of yourself then please do so. stop doomscrolling.#there so many good marginalized people who cannot leave this country. we have to stay and fight#if not for ourselves then for those who can't.#by nature and job occupation i am a caregiver my heart aches for everyone and myself#personally i live out of rage and bloodlust for my enemies. i fought too hard and too long for my happiness.#i wont back down or give up for myself or others.
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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The most well adjusted apocalypse survivor
#silver the hedgehog#sth#sth fanart#sonic fanart#my art#doodles#sonic the hedgehog fanart#listen listen i know he is caring and kindhearted. but there is no way you live in an apocalyptic world and dont have some way of coping#he fights for the living. hed see a dead body and go ''sad! well. theres other survivors'' and start looting#not much use in mourning those who likely wont be dead (or exist) in better future!#anyway yeah there is NO way he hasnt looted some long gone persons gear and seen some shit#just a doodle. been thinking up animatics to Time Machine 2 by Daisy the Great and unable to get time to sit down and draw
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something something max's main color being red with blue highlights something something grace's main color being blue with red highlights something something motivations something something alive and dead something something
#would i like to do an analysis on the lighting? yes.#but for some reason my brain is only capable of analyzing bf and some bits of tgwdlm#dont expect much from me#but something i CAN say is that#the colors can represent their motivations and connections to the lords in black#such as dying in the waylon hall and getting to use the black book#and by motivations i mean#with grace; she decided to use the powers of the black book to get rid of 'dirty dudes'#which is something she most likely believes as a correct action#but the red highlights indicate the bits on evilness in her#it shows how her intentions don't change her actions#and for max; red is for vengeance#yet the blue highlights are used in here#mostly for 'who will pray for me' bit#and#this is something related. i believe that max was reflecting himself when saying those lines#it was not only for richie to repeat but also about himself#anyway back to the lighting#the blue represents that there is something deeper than just vengeance#'who will pray for me when im gone'#thats about himself. he knows that no one in the schoo really cared that much about his death besides the game#they only cared about the game. not max himself#so the lights during both npmd and ddmd represent#their connections to the lords. their motivations and intent. and how their actions are made#starkid#hatchetfield#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#max jagerman#grace chasity
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Any time Eddie reaches for Steve's hair, Steve stops him. Whether it's when they're kissing and Eddie wants to bury his hands in it, or something more casual, like when Steve is sitting in front of Eddie while they watch a movie and Eddie idly tries to play with it
The moment Eddie's hands start to stray backwards from Steve's face, or upwards from his shoulders, Steve stops him. He's actually grabbed Eddie's hand midair once
Everyone assumes it's because Steve's hair is Off Limits
It's actually because Eddie keeps forgetting he's wearing his dumbass chunky rings and they once got so tangled in Steve's hair that Eddie had had to slip his fingers out of them before he could actually work them free, and now Eddie isn't allowed to touch Steve's head unless he takes the rings off first
#speaking as someone who used to have long hair and got it tangled in my jewelry more frequently than I'd care to admit#I cringe a tiny bit every time I see pictures of Eddie carding his fingers through his own or Steve's hair while still wearing those rings#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#eddiesteve
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Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.
There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.
But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.
And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.
Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.
This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.
And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.
And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.
And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.
#bald#balding#hair loss#hair#hair care#minoxidil#dermaroller#baldness#bald and feminine#bald fem#using a lot of tags due to this being triggering for many and cause I want it to be seen#and because I want those who went through what I did to be able to find it#mpb#androgen alopecia#also I know this post is long but I'm not sorry cause it's important. If even one person has a bit less stress then that's good.#feminine bald man
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less steve harrington "i try to be a good guy despite my past" and more steve harrington "i've always been a good person (albeit probs annoying asf), you just stereotyped me based on my interest in sports"
#steve harrington#like why is he always apologizing#i think people want to make him into smth completely docile with the added benefit of apocalyptic berserking#but like he's a bitch and also besties with a lesbian#he can both dish it and take it#and i feel like people tend to take the general fandom consensus that steve used to be an asshole and run with it#not to reiterate but guys was he even really a bully or just a popular high schooler#like yeah bullying can get really bad esp like according to those fucked up eighties movies#but also like sometimes teens are just fucking mean and clique-y#sorry is it a crime to be insular and wary of outsiders#anyway more steve harrington being misjudged but also not caring bc the people who matter know him better#pushing my perfect steve harrington agenda#bc he's not perfect actually but he's my perfect little princess who needs to be loved by everyone
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I think it’s really funny how Tim had at least one parent besides Bruce (who was not explicitly his parent for the longest time) for most of his time as Robin and yet nobody contests that he has been Bruce’s son, Dick’s brother, etc. since far before his actual adoption. But with Duke it’s a whole debate every time.
“Duke’s parents are still alive so it’s disrespectful” Tim’s stepmom was alive but unable to take care of Tim, when he was adopted by Bruce. Is it disrespectful to her to say Tim is Bruce’s son? Or does this argument only apply to Duke?
“Bruce didn’t adopt Duke, he was just his guardian” Do you know who else Bruce also didn’t adopt for his entire childhood? Or is Dick no longer Bruce’s son in any way whatsoever?
“Dick actually called Tim his brother” Jason’s included Duke as one of his brothers.
#i do not think it is funny#of course duke’s going to continue getting pushed out when fans refuse to show interest in him despite everything being handed to us#if fans are going to drool over the newest white character that dc gave less than half the attention they gave Duke at first then obviously#they’ll invest in those characters instead. they care about money and bat fans care about white ppl so it works out#and tim’s parents were alive in n52 but ppl still didn’t gaf. ‘every kid Batman spends 10 mins with is his kid EXCEPT the black boy he#took in and mentored and made his partner the same way as robin (4/5 of whom are explicitly called his children)#and who is called a brother by one of his sons and is included in a different son’s picture of bruce’s sons’#duke thomas#edit: removed the kate part sorry i forgor abt her near the tail end of pre flashpoint. bc i often forget abt that era in general and also#idc abt her oops. harper would probably be a better character to compare with but shes not too big either
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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please don't mistake silence for hatred. please don't mistake unanswered plotting messages as indifference, or a lack of enthusiasm towards you. considering the ages of most roleplayers, many of us have bills to pay, families to take care of, medical conditions to treat, appointments to make, classes to take, homes to clean, and lives to live away from the computer that are far, far more important than writing on tumblr — life has a tendency to get in the way of hobbies and fun things like this. be patient with your fellow writers. if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. of course you can set your boundaries, keep your space comfortable, and softblock whoever you wish, but do so while recognizing it's probably not hatred or apathy that keeps them from leaping into your dms with message after message. they probably love this hobby just as much as you... but sometimes life gets in the way.
#rp psa#roleplay psa#rp help#roleplay help#roleplay advice#'the rpc has changed for the worse' that's your opinion#but have that opinion while also acknowledging the ages of those you write with#and recognize they have responsibilities and worlds to take care of#people who depend on them#financial strain. hardships. unemployment. housing problems#medical bills. local weather disasters#trauma in their life deaths in their family#you cannot expect instant messages or EXTREME enthusiasm from everyone in this community#when so many of us are also dealing with irl situations#that are MORE important than talking about our fictional characters meeting for the first time#would it be nice if we could all find a comfy balance#and put passion into this hobby like we did when we were younger?#oh sure!!!! but that's just not viable anymore
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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