#Time to close this book and move on
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i sincerely want some form of like visual media like a movie or a tv show that'll focus on dorothy and ozma's relationship and not in a "wow BFFs forever" way because unlike gelphie which makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and chew glass, they're actually really sweet and cute and I genuinely enjoy reading abut the two of them and how close they are with each other.
also ozma's just an absolute icon in general and I love how she just met dorothy and was like wow I really like you. great!!! you're moving in with me now!!! i will not be listening to anyone on this matter!!!
there was zero hesitation and i love that for her like go girl live your dream get your girl and do whatever you want go make her a princess of oz and let her act as your regent while you're not there and while you're at it let's go and get her entire family to move into your castle because who the fuck is going to try to stop you.
#the oz books#the wizard of oz#wicked#gelphie#listen gelphie hurts man#it's the doomed romance BYE#it's just hurting my feelings and i'm not strong enough for that#im kidding i eat it up every time but#sometimes we DON'T want doomed yuri yk#princess ozma#ozma of oz#dorothy gale#dorothy x ozma#they're in love your honor#oh my god i just realized#like it's so funny#they actually moved in together after the first date#not even first date technically first meeting but close enough yk
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(╥﹏╥)
#We've had our yearly secret santa gifts exchange at my dorm and I've been gifted the first volume of Beast 😭😭😭😭😭#I'm crying forever. This december marks three years since I've watched the first b/sd episode#and yet this is the first time I actually own a b/sd manga volume. Like I own it and I can read it whenever I want!!! How cool is that!!!!!#Like there's so many Akutagawa images in it!!!! It's insane!!!!!!!! AND IT'S BEAST AT THAT#I'm deeply moved because I never spoke about it to virtually anyone here (at my dorm)?#Like I suppose a bunch of people vaguely know I like anime but only a couple of close friends know I like. Like-like reading manga lol.#And the person who gifted it DEFINITELY didn't know I like anime in general much less b/sd specifically much less Beast in particular!!!!!#I'm 100% sure (they just arrived this year and we hadn't even had that much occasions to talk to each other).#Which means they went through the trouble of gathering intel from my close friends about what I like and actually follow through‚#seek for the specific manga in a comic store etc... It's such a nice gesture I'm so heartwarmed.#And of course I'm glad for every gift I've received in the last years (genuinely)‚ but the fact that this was the most *specific* to what–#I like. It makes it so special! They were so kind.#There must be one (1) person in this whole 60 people dorm who knows I like Beast–#(that would be the girl who introduced b/sd to me in the first place) and the fact that they asked them for it...#I feel both very grateful and lucky lol#When I unwrapped it!!! Like I thought it was just a random book which would have been nice but like!!!!!#When I actually saw through the thin paper the cover!!!! The scream I screamed in my head#Anyways!!!! I own a b/sd manga now!!!!! I've only got time to go through the first chapter so far but it's suchhhh an experience.#It's like reading it for the first time again 😭😭😭 Half because the translation is so much different than the English one lol.#And I basically know the English version by heart. Half because I never saw this kind of high quality!!!!! It's!!!!! Insane!!!!! Like!!!!!!#I'm crying 😭😭😭 The drawings are so sharp and crisp (in the good way). The lines are so clean there's no disturbance at all#I literally never saw anything so good in my life I'm crying a little. I'm so so glad they blessed me with Beast specifically#The takebon edition is pretty cheap (it's just planet manga so there's no color illustrations or dust cover or anything unfortunatelly.#But to make up for it the volumes are significantly cheaper then let's say J-Pop)#There's also some unique typesetting choices? The text from the book-like boxes is in lowercase which is interesting!#Initially I thought I wouldn't have liked the translation (opening it randomly there was Akutagawa saying “crepa!” (“die!”) to Dazai in ch1#Which was kinda jarring since it's very low register and everyone knows Akutagawa has very complex speech patterns.)#But actually reading it I'm really enjoying the translation so far!!!!#There's so many choices that made me grasp details I actually missed all the times I've read the English translation.#That is to say! Very excited to read it!!!! Will probably make a review / translation commentary if I can find the time!!!!!
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anyways, i'm just dropping by to say fuck jk rowling and that snape being romantically in love with lily is really stupid when it would be more narratively and thematically consistent (and, frankly, more compelling) if his love for her was familial
#harry potter#hp#severus snape#lily evans#lily potter#anyway when i first read the series i interpreted it as platonic and found it deeply moving#and then i entered the online fandom space and everyone elses read was... vastly different than mine#come on though!#like juxtaposition between severus and petunia who both in their own way loathed lily's son??#and likely for tragically similar and yet different reasons#and his patronus being a doe? well hey guess what the only other times two people have shared the EXACT SAME patronus#(not just matching or representing)#its been between close family members#(based on what i know from the original books. idgaf about recent material to be frank)#also. they were childhood best friends who stopped associating in their mid teens#whether he had a childhood crush on her or not (and i favor not)#can we PLEASE just let that love be innocent and pure?#they were literally children so like why do some people talk about it like it was something weird and disturbing#?????#like oh no how dare you have a crush on your childhood best friend and then grow up to still care about her#shame on you! for shame!!
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I want to get to the good part of this blastvoid thing I'm writing but i do NOT want to write the part before it and I'm procrastinating so fucking hard
Like i know what i want and it'll be satisfying but it's like the reverse of eating beef jerky, where this is the tough gross part you just need to swallow before getting to the fucking SPPIUCCE
#I'm writing their early days when blast first realizes a) fucking void is an option and b) he REALLY wants to#but it's in the middle of a one night stand with a woman#and I'm just......so uninterested in most straight stuff......like unless its genderfuckery with the characters cause that's cool#also hard because i really believe background characters should have their own lives so trying to write these OCs as likable and believable#without them taking to too much time#or at least if they do have them be fun enough that it's fine#and also having it be believable that they'll go about their business even after the story moves on from them#hard too to get into the head of a frat bro/fuckboy which is kinda how i see Blast#or rather it's hard to write him without making him either too soft or too gross#like the way i like and see women isn't necessarily the way a guy like that would and it's tough to figure out where the crossover is#so i can use it to make this whole thing more believable#i REALLY want it to be clear that blast and void do not have the kind of relationship that would be good for anyone else#and probably really isn't even good for them#but that requires a fair amount of build up to get it across the way I'd like#like blast is fixated on void and so hyper aware of everything he does that he's almost#but not quite#scared of him#and void knows what he's doing because blast is the Goldie Locks of candidates for someone to help him with the GOD stuff#and he D O E S N O T want him going anywhere so he's gonna keep him close using every trick in the book#but blast IS charismatic and he IS fun and he DOES make daily life a lot more pleasant#so he's uncomfortably attached too#but blast has zero fucking for clue about any of that other than he's aware of just **how little** he knows about void#IT'S A FUCKING LOT OF SUBTEXT TO GET ACROSS WITH A CHARACTER I'M STRUGGLING WITH#I'm going to do it but MAN#blastvoid
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20191007 | ONF - Why ONF 4th Mini Album 'GO LIVE'
'On This Day' Series [13/?] | dir. SUNNYVISUAL
#onf#onfcreators#hyojin#wyatt#minkyun#u#etion#seungjun#mambo.gifs#mambo.onthisday#kpop#kpopedit#kpopco#kpopccc#kpop gifs#kflops#fast moving gif#flashing tw#this is my favorite kpop mv of all time: TRY to dethrone my queen#also y'all just close your eyes and forget it's the 8th instead of the 7th..#it's the adhd i swear#i also finished two other sets today as well so it's still a win in my book
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no but guys we've all been talking about how open Fifteen is but what if it's just his way of diverting the focus from Ruby and her unknown parentage and his suspicions towards her to himself so she doesn't get sus till he finds out
Like in series 7b we saw Eleven be overly paranoid with Clara, which made her distrustful of him as well and led to quite a few problems- maybe he learned from that and decided to be more discreet and appear to be less closed off by just telling her other things
And that combined with him moving on from Gallifrey probably spawned the info dump
#doctor who#idk i just feel like doccy wouldn't go from closed off to the most open book ever in the span of one regen#and also the doctor lies#plus idt hes mentioned the secret scan to ruby yet has he#i just feel like this is a combo of him making himself seem open and just moving on from the past#bc see even eleven casually brought up the time war to amy in the beast below but also we've seen what the man is like#idk i just feel like fifteen is open when he wants to be#but there's still things he keeps hidden and while he seems more in open with his emotions than the other doctors#i still get the vibe that he's closed off in his own way#we just haven't seen it yet#fifteenth doctor#ruby sunday
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your Kon post was sooooo good, like yes the core four are queer platonic, however Kon is hypersexual enough to have made out with (or more) everyone in young justice at least once, yes, including the non-corporal Greta don’t ask me how that worked
I love all of these posts!!! how many of these ask game things do you have in your inbox??
thank you so much!! and i ABSOLUTELY agree with you on hypersexual Kon (truly i just adore characters with grooming/rape trauma like Kon coping through the lense of hypersexuality) and even if YJ is queerplatonic, Kon has made his way through most of them. including Greta. he's creative he'd find a way. probably involving TTK. bc TTK in sex is a thought i have daily. endless potential for using it to basically turn someone's body into a living fleshlight he can manipulate from the inside out- specifically have a TimKonBart idea in my head about that where Kon coaches Bart through sex, since Bart is a speedster with a bonkers refractory period who struggles to feel satisfied, and Tim is caught between them getting used to get Bart off with Kon using TTK to manipulate Tim's body. fun times. fun ideas.
currently, i have one more ask game ask in my inbox (tho always feel free to send more!) that's BruJay focused. though i *do* also have a couple other asks that are just ideas i pan to use as prompts for full fics. just haven't gotten to those yet bc i'm currently busy with packing to move states so. i have *not* had the time to write i wish i had. i will not reveal too much but one involves JayTim fucking during the Titans Tower incident, another is JayTim with animal traits leading to porn, and then another is Tim/Kon/Jon with incest kink stuff. so! i have many things planned, i just need to settle into my new place, however long that takes.
#necrotic answerings#kindly praise#this was so sweet aaaa#i'm about to go to sleep so the brujay ask will be held off until tomorrow#but i will get to it#and i *hope* if the tim/kon/jon fic is short enough i can *possibly* get it done tomorrow too#i'm. mostly done packing. i just have to get my clothes and books in boxes.#i do not have *any* idea how much time i'll reasonably have to write once i move bc#well i'm moving in with my sister to help take care of her baby so yk. baby. sort of more important than fanfic.#but i mean it's just a baby so i figure I'll still have some time#see the real question is not will i have time to write tomorrow#it's will i emotionally be available. i've been crying on and off for days. pls.#i truly will let the ask game go on as long as ppl keep sending them. i do not mind i'm having just as much fun as y'all#tho i might reblog some other ask games just to spice it up a bit#i gotta find some fun ones#still plan to do a prompt list to write ficlets for the drive#3 days in a uhaul with my parents. def won't lose my mind at all no sir.#they will try to kill each other and I'll be the damn witness.#also when i say queerplatonic. i do include fucking.#it's the aromantic in me i think. but queerplatonic couples can fuck as a treat.#i will not elaborate on how that works. i'm just an aro lil guy who thinks sex isn't always about. the sex. and more about. the closeness.#none of my friends agree with this take they think i'm unhinged btw.
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FINALLY DONE WITH THE ISAT OC! SOLEIL!!!
The creature... So first things first is some info about them pre- disappearance of The Country. They're a loyal follower and avid worshipper of The Country. They love the Universe sooo much that they made a wish to be able to read the stars, and the Universe answered. I like to think that the stars are talkative, some can predict what will happen in the near future, some are just "chatting" to each other about the stuff happening in the world they overlook. It's a somewhat useful ability that Soleil used to use to be able to either predict someone's future (rarely though, the stars hold many different futures and it's hard to figure out which is whose) or use it during funeral rites to have a more reassuring experience to the ones mourning that their loved one arrived safely among the stars.
And then they found out about The Cursing of Chateau Castle-- they kiiiinda got Really obsessed with the book series that they wanted to know more about it but there wasn't any more copies of it in the Country's language so what better way to deal with that but teaching itself how to understand the Vaugardian language, and by doing that they got to learn more about the Vaugardian culture and was really amazed by it (considering that they spent most of their life with the Country's culture instead, learning about a different culture is a great feeling). One thing led to the other and it also led Soleil to travelling to Vaugarde (something that their family wasn't all that happy with but they stay silly).
And so we're back at the present time! Now to talk about some details on its appearance.
Its Craft type is Scissors! The eye on the center of its chest and the eye by its nape are in fact EYES and not just accessories (although they did try to make the eye on its chest appear to be like a mix between a star shape and the Change Symbol).
After spending some time in Vaugarde, they learned about Body Craft in which case they decided to experiment with it in regards to its eyes.
Since being in Vaugarde, there wasn't much use to its star sight and there also isn't a way to "turn it off." So instead, they decided to separate its Normal sight from the Star sight by adding another pair of eyes on its body.
The eyes on its face are blind. They can't see through it anymore but they Can still see the stars (they can't read it anymore however cuz of the Country's disappearance).
If they focus on the stars using those eyes, they'd get a REALLY bad headache and a star sign appears on its eyes. Nothing to be afraid of probably, its head just Really hurts.
The glass covering the eye on its nape is a one way mirror. You won't be able to see the eye but the eye can still see you.
With its vision split, it actually took them awhile to get used to that. It takes a lot of concentration and focus to see both from behind and from the front. When Soleil gets tired from doing that, they either close the eye on its nape (if the place is safe enough) or unfocus it enough to the point that most of its vision becomes blurry with only being able to see blobs of shapes and shadows which helps them be alert enough in case something comes running at them from behind.
All the round objects you see on its body are Bombs. They found out about Bomb Craft in Jouvente and was so fascinated by it that their inventor brain (inventing, crafting, and repairing stuff is a special interest of theirs). They now like making bombs and inventing new ones (only they have the recipe of those).
The bombs they invented only detonates via a Craft spell, it's basically as safe as an ordinary ball to handle unless detonated. Also the scissors at the top of their head has a cover on its tip. It's Very Sharp. They mainly use that (either the tip or the scissor blades itself) to cut the bombs dangling on its body.
Despite the multitude of bombs they carry, they aren't actually much of a fighter (they just like bombs). Most of its Craft spells are basic/beginner level. The one and only Powerful Craft spell they have is a shield/defense spell that they practiced several times. It's capable of negating all damage for 2 turns with a 5 turn cooldown, they wanted to master that spell to make it so that bombs won't hurt them no matter the close proximity.
Its hand signs are "broken." They used to mimic the hand signs that the Universe (I'm mainly referring to my design of the Universe) makes. But after forgetting about everything in regards to it, they can't remember what hand signs they used to make but the familiar feeling was still there.
A huge fan of The Cursing of Chateau Castle, to the point of practically making it part of its identity now that a HUGE chunk of its memory is missing. Its outfit is a modified version of what they think Lady Irene-Janine-Karine wears.
Its personality is a mixture of Lord Josephandre, Pierre-Jacques-Erneste, and Lady Irene-Janine-Karine (aka the Chateau Trio!!! Love those three...).
Its name, "Soleil" is just something they found in a book and decided to use for itself. They don't remember its name anymore.
#ariart#ariaoc#isat oc#isat spoilers#theres some danger in the fact that sol took pierres personality too considering that pierre betrayed the party that one time--#honestly if i think about sol harder i begin to realize that theres A LOT of things wrong about them mentally#what forgetting a country with a belief system you were incredibly loyal to does to someone i think.#also making it so that sol was the npc that translated that one issue of the cursing of chateau castle from vaugardian#into the language of the Country. if you were to enter its home. youll be greeted by a LOT of bookcases and shelves and books#and therell be at least 4 of those dedicated to the cursing of chateau castle. original version and the ones they translated#there will ofc be sections where its about the Country tho. actually i think if siffrin visited its home he'll be able to know more#about the Country. if he became close friends enough to be able to enter the rooms with the books of it. sol couldnt read them#anymore but feels as though those books were important so they moved it elsewhere for safekeeping. making sure to maintain it too#also yea you can now see exactly how im pushing the isat worldbuilding to its limits via body craft#i like to think that if in case body craft operates in a similar manner to alchemy in that by Changing something theres an equal#exchange to be given. if its Changing your appearance to a new one then the equal value to be exchanged is the Old appearance#but if for example theres a missing body part. youd have to find Something else of equal value to replace it then#and by going off of that same principle. if a body part has two functions (like with sol's eyes having a special sight to it)#then by Changing its appearance. the equal value follows the same principle of the: exchange Old for New#except that in sol's case. with the addition of a body part that has two functions. technically speaking they can Separate the#two functions while still following the usual method. it's just that now theres another set of eyes on its body. still a New appearance tho
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#diana wynne jones#howl's moving castle#Sir Not Appearing In This Poll#my DWJ posts#I'm not picking fights with that other DWJ poll I just have opinions apparently#and those opinions include “the genuinely best and most genius of DWJ's books are her standalone novels and that's that on THAT”#genuinely I don't think this poll will get nearly as much traction as the other one because Howl's Moving Castle is not involved and#look I love HMC as much as anyone else but there is a reason that DWJ is one of my favorite authors and HMC is absolutely not that reason#my personal favorite is Time of the Ghost though Fire & Hemlock and Black Maria are in close contention#but also I'll point at almost any of her standalone books and be like “this is also brilliant and here is why!” so yeah I dunno#I can often do the same for her series novels but her standalones tend to be genius in far stranger and unexpected ways and#and those strange unexpected brilliances tend to also be the exact reasons why DWJ is one of my favorite authors I guess
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eobard thawne is probably extra normal about the fact both him and iris have written barry's biographies bc i know he was really normal even about iris' one since oh you know. his very first appearance as a fan.
#look at me! i wrote a book about your life and how great you are! just like someone you love!#AND WITH THAT PATHETIC GAY FOREWORD NO LESS.#he is so lost#bitibg the table AGAIN#AND WHY IS HE STANDING LIKE THAT ON THE FIRST PANEL!!!!#also did he like. steal it from the museum's exhibition. like i highly doubt hes allowed to do that while not being a curator yet#(btw is he actually against touching the historic artefacts as a curator or he just hisses at anyone standing too close to display cases#because hes the only one whos Allowed to Touch things that have been in the same room with barry at some point in time)#((i mean ik his pedantic ass would be mad af if he saw anyone else doing the same to other even non flash related relics but still))#ooh and tf is up with the 2nd panel where hes wearing the flash suit right after panels with reverse flash pants. tf were they cooking#why are there reverse flash pants in his fan era in the first place!!#either we had colorist problems since day 2 or this is actually a smart move reflecting thawne's dissociated perception in his narration#i wouldnt bet on the second tho. aint nobody gaf about this rat 💀💀#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#eobarry ig?
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December
#ki.pic#I do not have any other photos that aren't like me and my friends in the stage bathrooms at ikea so yeah it's only going to be 2 this month#but i can actually say stuff in this one because luckily my memory spans far enough back for a month#it only snowed once which. i wanted snowww. i hate that i am the worst one in my class right now but someone has to be and sometimes i need#to accept that its going to be me. i'll just pass the exam and be happy. okay this is a very big achievment for me but i've really gotten#better about not biting my nails this month. except for like the past week. but i'll work on it again. amazing how long i kept it up though#i should do a year wrapped. okay close friends made: 9#countries gone to: 6 (if we are included ones lived in too)#times seeing wayv members: 3#what else. songs discovered: many#feelings of my life working out: achieved#books read: according to goodreads it was 2 fortunately i know i have read more than that but this year i'm truly going to read more#at the beginning of last december i was seventeen and moved across the world and started living alone and now i'm here. i've realized i'll#always have periods of being depressed but in the long run i think i could say this has been the best year and i hope 2025 keeps this going#i don't know why everyone need to know all that but if you read until here have a new years kiss <3
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Today was a really rough day. A very emotionally taxing day and I had to retreat to my office a couple times to get myself together but...I think that's a good thing, maybe.
For so many years I was just on autopilot. Didn't give a shit one way or another about how things went...not even actively, I just didn't have the capacity to care. I still did my job, I still showed up. But in the last few years of my first marriage, and after losing my father, I was really just putting a cardigan over my husk and zombie-ing through day to day life. I didn't feel anything, I didn't want anything. Everything was just...flat.
I don't feel that way anymore. My favorite people came to spend my whole last day in the old building with me. Every time I looked around and saw my kids...I realized I was excited that they exist. I looked at my wife and realized holyyy shit, yes my capacity to feel desire is intact again. My partner kept finding me and saying off the wall things to me and I laughed because I felt it, not just to be polite. Not just because I know that's what I'm supposed to do.
It shouldn't have been a rough day. The books are going and I'm going with them. Nothing changes but the building. Locking the doors (with Kermit in tow, of course) for the last time was hard, doing it in front of a crowd even harder. After years and years of being so small, struggling to make it, now there's room to grow...for the branch, and for me too.
#books and libraries#librarian things#library life#moving#closing time#i don't like it#changes#all the feels#Taking Kermit uptown
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baru cormorant seems to me to be a series that suffers miserably for me having read machineries of empire first. unfortunately everything BC is doing strikes me as something MoE did better and more believably and with much a greater and more grounded eye for how systems, complex system interaction, and oppression like. work
#red rambles#also i don't like the writing very much so I'm not having as much fun with it as i did with MoE#but YHL straight up writes with the exact approach and methodology *i* write - the narrative frame is extremely close. the lines are punchy#the description is sparse the info we are delivered is typically in short wacky one-off chunks that tell us not only something about the#world but something about the narrator who is also the main character whose head we're in#the timing. so on and so forth#someone told me that seth dickinson is transfem but i cant find her (?) pronouns anywhere so if anyone knows where to see them i'd#appreciate a link if only to complain that i don't like her (?) writing that much in comparison because it is a lot less.... rewardingly#entertaining i suppose. when compared to the way yoon ha lee structures his. there are much fewer twists#and of course the major huge twist of Baru Cormorant was hidden from the reader which i just think is *bad form* when it comes to intrigue!#when yhl will lay all the moving pieces of the plot before you openly and say 'hey. isn't that a funny side tangent. anyway look to your#left; something is exploding' and then as it keeps unfolding he goes 'and here in small scale is how it is being used! isn't that#interesting to see how these pieces move? now look to your right; something is exploding' and then at the very end it all comes perfectly#together#the way i felt around the middle/end of Raven Strategem when i understood the spy network the first time is something that BC cannot do#you aren't trusted with the pieces and you don't get to play the game of understanding that you weren't *told* literally everything#i'm reading monster baru cormorant today as i go about my errands and I kinda don't think it's what i want because i want it to be the kind#of working awful poisoned bloodstained empire as the hexarchate and i want it to be a complex contradictory overlapping system like the#hexarchate's army and i want the banal cruelty of perfectly decent people condemning strangers to awful awful bloody deaths because they're#'not like us' instead of the petrified horror *everyone* has of the Social Contagion Agents because i just do not BUY the construction of#dickinson's Social Hygiene Offices and their place in the world#but i cant just read the MoE books any more. i'll get bored. i'm already kind of bored of reading them over and over
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on one hand completely ignoring your emotions is soo good for my mental stability and productivity but man i miss staring at the ceiling and listening to sad songs on loop
#idk if depression is the right word but yeah that author was right you become comfortable in your sadness you start loving it because#it becomes such a defining part of you#if i don't engage in any bad habits throughout the day i start to feel so uncomfortable and wrong and unfamiliar#that i crash and do something old me would've done again :(#the bounce back time has significantly improved tho so that's a relief#also lol who am i kidding pms will come soon im sure#but anyway#i physically can't listen to waiting room rn i listened to the opening notes and it was like#like a dam about to burst#so i just closed the gate very fast#i can't be sad rn because then i will feel lonely and then i will miss people and they won't miss me and ill cry the gasping for breath#i don't know what to do with this emptiness in the middle of my chest crying#man i hope this doesn't have any long term consequences#also i hope one day being good feels like me again and rotting in bed becomes unbearable again#i used to be so active like not physically but idk just like engaged with life more#curiously excitedly#well there's no going back now but i do hope i find a good balance#i was reading normal people and kinda rerealised that woah this sadness will always be a huge part of me. you only get#one childhood and. welp it got too real too relatable#i hope i don't turn out like her every self help book ive read says kids follow in their parents footsteps but god i hope not#this is why boys will always be so scary to me#future seems so bleak sometimes like not my 20s they'll be fire im sure but after that. am i even capable of being loved long term?#if the person who knew me the most well can move on from me in a flash. well then. i don't have anything more to give this is all#what has this post even become oh god. whatever. ill keep trying to be smarter first interesting second hopefully lovable will follow
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I will never understand ppl who are casual library haters. I’ve talked to people about how my siblings and I would always go to the libraries for their activities and programs, how we would rent dvds when we didn’t have cable or streaming, and they’re just like “oh yeah I never went to libraries I don’t like reading/ I just buy books” like girl you are devoid of whimsy I have my library card MEMORIZED we are not the same…
#libraries#anyway I’m hiding all my silly specific memories in the tags#there was this one librarian who moved around the county so he would host events at different libraries (some of them far)#and he started hosting pride month programs mostly for teens and my friends and I would go all the time#sometimes it would be book clubs or movie nights or crafts but they were always free and he’d get us snacks and stuff#and it was so welcoming and safe and one time I frogot my wallet (oops) and he called me on my drive home and was so kind and was like hey!#I found your number on your library card acount#and he stayed there late after they closed so that I could come back and get it lmao#but I still have the voicemail and everytime I see it it makes me so happy#and he’d let me check our R rated movies when I was like 16 >:)
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So like certified bad day. My grandma died this morning and now I'm sick???? Bro come on
#bonus points for. the only photos of me w my Grandma are from me under 8 years old#so like. i wasnt close to her at all but death is v triggering for me w how badly my parents fumbled the bag w grief when i was growing up#brief context. mum got mad at me that my v close friend died like a week after her dad died bc she couldn't do two things at once#so everyone rallied around her in her grief and i went to two funerals and like ??? rotted i guess.#dad was in his painkiller era lol#anyway so im probably not gonna go to the funeral bc im just gonna be triggered the whole time#im less grieving her as a person and more grieving the fact that i never really. had grandparents.#like i barely ever saw her#even though i lived in the same city as her#i googled her name earlier and found out she wrote a chapter in a book about domestic abuse#and thats really the most ill ever know about her#i wanna read the chapter but idk#if it turns out that my grandpa was abusive and then my grandma left my mum and aunt with him by themselves to move to bali#im probably not gonna be thrilled#anyway even thats basically just closer to learning stories about people i dont know#wouldnt it have been nice to have. a family
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