#Tim Drake: He's so julia.

[veryphi]

So like- Jason's eyes apparently turn lazarus pit green when experiencing pit rage.

Sleep deprived Tim Drake seeing it: That's so brat.

[lafoget]

there aren't many things we know about janet, so thanks to chip, we can add three new facts to the list

it looks like she was really into archeology and it wasn't only jack's passion. also i guess jack and janet finally divorced on another earth. good for her 😌

she liked emily dickinson

SHE LOVED TIM! SHE LOVED HER BOY SO MUCH!!! 🥺🥺🥺 all right all right this was already known, but it's nice to get confirmation again

[chikaras-garden]

Batboys as scenes from my favorite romance novels

Even when you’re alone, it’s like your love is torn from a page.

Pairings: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne x fem!reader

Contains: A very self-indulgent author. Scenes inspired by trashy Regency/Victorian romance novels. Oral sex (f!receiving) in Dick’s and (m!receiving) in Tim’s. Praise kink in Dick’s. Blindfolding, bondage, and vaginal fingering in Damian’s.

Notes: 18+ or you’ll be blocked. Scenes are inspo only, not direct quotes. I swear I can write cute smut. I have so many other favorite books and could do this another two times at least.

BRUCE WAYNE 💋 When He Was Wicked by Julia Quinn

“Do you ever wonder what I think about?” Bruce murmurs, head buried in your neck. He refuses to touch you with his lips, only ghosting his nose over your sensitive skin; you feel his breath, warm and lightly spiced, fan over your collarbone.

He lets out a low sigh that covers your chest like a blanket, and your heart echoes the way his breath trembles. Whatever control he thinks he has most of the time—it’s completely gone with you.

“Do you wonder,” he continues, “what I wish I could do to you?”

You’re laying back in his bed and he kneels between your thighs, supporting your back with one hand while his fingers absentmindedly toy with the zipper on the back of your dress. Like this, he notices everything about you: the way your hair sits, the warm sparkle in your eyes, the way your lips part with every breath.

And you look so unbearably kissable that he’s fighting against his baser instincts.

“I would start right here,” he answers himself, finally pressing his lips against your shoulder. You shiver in reply, and a low chuckle slides out of his throat. “I would kiss every inch of you. Twice. I’d figure out where to bite you to make you squeal, where to lick to make you whimper. I’d have you come undone on my tongue—and I think you’d like it. Maybe you’d like it so much that I’d have to do it again.

“And then I’d sit you in my lap,” he rumbles, lips pressed underneath your ear while he finally, finally, unzips your dress. His eyes are half-lidded, his mind just as hazy as yours is. “I’d fill you so completely, darling; your heart, your thoughts. I’d make every one of your breaths mine—forever, if I could.”

DICK GRAYSON 💋 Heartbreaker by Sarah MacLean

“Here, baby, give me your— Yeah, just like that.”

The second Dick says that, your breath catches and you feel yourself tense. Heat washes over you from cheeks to toes, and you let out a soft whine that makes blue eyes dart up to your own. All he did was ask you to move your leg, then take your thigh in his hand to bring it over his shoulder.

His eyes glint and he smiles like a kid on Christmas. You just gave him a fun new trick to use on you.

“Oh baby,” he croons. “You’re gonna be such a good girl for me, aren’t you?”

You whimper. “Dick, please—”

While his cheek presses against your thigh, his smile is nothing less than devastatingly sweet. “I know, baby; I know.”

He watches you like you’re a work of art, like he’s in awe of every breath you take. Eyes locked on yours, he kisses his way from your knee to the juncture of your hip and thigh, then lets you watch as his tongue darts out from his lips and laves over your soft mound. You tense, shivering, and nudge your hips just a little closer to his lips.

“Oh, good girl,” he groans as if your eagerness is bringing him pleasure. He rewards you, then, with a languid lip up your folds, another groan, and a muffled murmur of, “Look how you squeeze me when I praise you, baby. Fuck, just like that; just like that. Wanna feel you nice and tight, can you do that for me?”

JASON TODD 💋 Scandal in Spring by Lisa Kleypas

“I’m here,” Jason murmurs near your ear, lifting his lips only as high as is necessary to whisper to you. In a second, his mouth is on you again, kissing down your jaw and throat until his face is buried where your neck and shoulder meet. In one swift, light motion, he tugs your shirt down so he can mouth over your skin, and your heart begins to race.

Because, just a few hours ago, you were under the impression he was dead.

Equal parts astonished and worried, you brush your hands over the angry bruises purpling on his skin. You don’t know what to say except, “Please be real.”

“I’m real,” he instantly replies in a shaking voice, kissing down your chest until he reaches the point of a nipple and sucks it into his mouth. Warmth blooms where his lips meet your skin, and you know for certain that this can’t be a dream; your imagination has never been so vivid.

“I’m real,” he repeats. “Feel me.”

“But you’re covered in cuts—”

His eyes, glinting in the moonlight that streams through your window, dart up to your face. He looks at you the same way you look at him: as if you’re newly aware of how lucky the two of you are.

“They don’t matter,” he promises. He takes your chin in one of his hands, and you feel his fingers—rough with scars, freezing cold—as they slide toward your neck. “You’re all that matters, baby. I’m not going anywhere without you, understand?”

TIM DRAKE 💋 Devil’s Daughter by Lisa Kleypas

“Oh fuck,” Tim murmurs behind you. At first, you think it’s in ecstasy, given the fact that he has you bent over a low bookshelf with his cock shoved mercilessly in your cunt.

But then he repeats himself, and you turn your head—but you can only catch a glimpse of how his lips are pressed tightly together. “What’s wrong?”

He huffs out a self-conscious laugh. “Do you have any tissues?”

Huh? “No, I don’t think so—”

“I forgot,” he declares around the thick lump of embarrassment of his throat, while letting his head unceremoniously fall on your shoulder, “a condom.”

“Oh,” you say, and then you start to laugh. Here you are, having sex where you definitely shouldn’t be—in a private study room in the library—and of course this happens. It’s too funny. Perfect, even.

“That’s okay,” you assure him before you wriggle and turn in his arms. With gentle hands, you touch his hips and nudge him backwards; now, he’s the one against the wall instead of you, and you smile up at him while you drop to your knees. Biting your lip, batting your eyelashes, you have the perfect solution in mind.

All his mortification goes up in a puff of smoke when you take his cock—so pretty, pink-tipped and bobbing against his thigh—in one of your very capable hands. Leaning forward, you kiss up the shaft until your nose meets coarse, intimate hair; then, you kiss down again and wrap your lips around him, drawing precum and a soft moan out of him with your first curious, teasing suck.

DAMIAN WAYNE 💋 Widow in Emerald by Scarlett Peckham

You don’t know him, but that makes it better. You’re blindfolded before he ever enters the room, and his hands are cool to the touch and efficient in every movement as he binds your wrists to the four-poster bed. 

He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t kiss you. That’s the arrangement you have: you place your trust in this stranger as a means of learning how your body finds release. He, for whatever reason, wants to make music out of your whimpers and moans.

His weight shifts, and you feel him slide in between your thighs. His fingers spread atop your bare chest, and you marvel at how big his hands must be for his thumb to reach one nipple while his little finger grazes the other. He puts just a hint of pressure on your sternum, then drags his hand down your stomach until his palm cups your sex.

Cold. His fingers are cold as ice, and you wonder if he’s just like that, or if he did something to his hands before his time alone with you.

With a flick of what feels like a sturdy yet nimble wrist, two fingers spread your folds, gathering your beginning wetness and exposing you to the air of the room—no, that’s his breath, and you feel the sensation of menthol when he breathes a sigh against your clit. Those same two fingers slip into you now, and you shakily sigh. The pace of his breaths becomes your own as he sends waves of pleasure through you, fingers moving in and out in a slow rhythm that draws a veil between who you are outside this room and who you’re meant to be within it.

[havendance]

Bat affiliated characters ranked by how interesting I think a genderswap AU of them would be

Tim Drake - I admit that I am biased as a Tim fan, but also if Tim where a girl then I think she would pretend to be a boy as Robin and her identity issues would be like ten times worse and it compells me

Dick Grayson - I maintain that in response to all those 'eldest daughter dick grayson' ideas, there should be an au where Bruce actually has an eldest daughter. (something I partially explored in my Helena-Dick roleswap) But also, what if the first robin were a girl!

Jean-Paul Valley - If Jean-Paul Valley were a girl I gaurentee you I would find her way more interesting (and probably actually read her comics instead of letting them languish on the to read list)

Bruce Wayne - The question of 'what if Batman were a woman?' is also something I have explored in various Helena AUs, but there's still lots of interesting ground to explore there.

Stephanie Brown - So much of Steph's character is connected to her being a teenage girl and created as this foil/love interest to Tim so I think on his own, Stevie Brown is one of those things where I think a lot does get lost, but I think that in an AU where we're also swapping Tim to be a girl there's a lot of juicy potential because of the foil thing.

Julia Pennyworth - Okay, I originally had below Alfred and then I started thinking about it. Alfred abandoning one son in favor of the other. Jules and Bruce as these sort of brothers. Buried tension... It compels me.

James Gordon - You know what? Yes. Jenny Gordon as the woman commissioner who has had to fight for every inch in Gotham and the fact that she's working with Batman just means that everyone's questioning her competence even more and there's endless rumors that they're having an affair.

Damian Wayne - The more I turn this idea over in my head the more it grows on me. The potential's there. I would need to chew on it some more. I might rank this higher if it weren't for the fact that the couple genderswapped Damian AUs I've read just weren't doing it for me.

Alfred Pennyworth - I usually do not care much about Alfred, but think of the mommy issues that Bruce would have if he were raised by his emotionally-absent brittish housekeeper.

Duke Thomas - I'd give one a shot, but I just haven't read enough of Duke yet to really get an idea on how compelling I would find this.

Cullen Row - The Row siblings have their moments, but I'm just not super invested in them. That being said, Cullen being a girl probably would make me more interested in her.

Harper Row - See above.

Barbara Gordon - The fact that Oracle is a woman is part of what makes her so awesome, but I think there could be potential for, uh, Barry Gordon (not all of these random names I come up with will be hits I am afraid) as Jim's son in terms of the Gordon family soap opera drama.

Cassandra Cain - This just makes her more boring I am afraid. He does get ranked about all the Rucka women though because of the kick-ass factor. I'd give reading about boy!cass a shot which is more than you can say about a lot of the people we're about to get into.

Jason Todd - Sorry to the Jason fans out there because I can see the potential there, but also even making her a girl is not enough to make me care about Jason more than I usually do.

Selina Kyle - There might be something there but I fear I have to admit that I don't care enough about Selina to put her higher on this list. I simply do not spend time thinking about her though I am curious enough to want to read her comics eventually.

Helena Bertinelli - The bottom of this list is all Rucka women because genderswapping them makes me actively not interested despite the fact that I usually like them. Helena being a guy would just be so boring.

Kate Kane - I guess Kate could be a gay man but then we loose the messy lesbian drama :/

Renee Montoya - ditto

Sasha Bordeaux - (This is my list and I get to include her if I want) The whole point of Sasha Bordeaux is that she is like, the ur-Rucka Women. We can't take that away from her. What's left then? (I guess other than swapping her with Tim which was a thing that I did do once.)

[hannahhook7744]

Tim Drake fans;

How many aliases does Tim have?

I'm writing a fic for my Tim Julias Luthor verse and am trying to make a list of the various aliases' he's had.

So far I've been able to find:

Mister Sarcastic.

Todd Richards.

Cal Corcoran.

Gary Glanz.

Caroline Hill.

Alvin Draper.

Iggy Pollaky.

Am I missing any?

[sebeth]

Christmas With The Super-Heroes #2

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

Christmas With The Super-Heroes #2 is DC’s 1989 holiday special. The cover depicts Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern (Hal), Aquaman, Flash, Hawkman, the Atom, Plastic Man, and Nightwing at Santa’s workshop in the North Pole.

The issue opens with “Ex-Machina”, a Superman story by Paul Chadwick. Superman rescues a stranded, highly distressed man during a snowstorm. He directs him to seek shelter at the Kent Farm.

Story: 3 out of 5 stars. I do love a caring Superman.

Next up is Batman in “And In The Depths” by Dave Gibbons and Gray Morrow.

The story opens with contemplation over how long the Batcave has been in existence, Then we get a flashback to a young Bruce discovering the cave and the bats that live within.

We fast forward to Bruce turning into the cave into the Batcave, adopting Dick and Dick becoming Robin. Dick’s presence causes the “darkness” in the cave to recede but Dick leaves for Hudson University, causing the darkness to rush back.

“For some, there is no escape.” Some = Bruce.

“Dark. Cold. Dark as despair. Cold as death. The world can be cruel to the innocent. Lost in the abyss, they may lose sight of the sky. Battered and beaten, they may not remember tranquility. But even as their blood freezes in mortal dread. Even as eternal night seems inescapable.”

The art around these caption boxes depicts a dying robin (a bird) falling to the ground by the memorial case containing Jason Todd’s Robin costume.

The next page depicts a live healthy robin (the bird) flying into the Batcave and chasing off the bats: “Even then the flame of hope may still ignite in their breasts. They may discover strength within. May recognize a greater truth. And may be miraculously saved. For without darkness, light has no meaning. And long though the night has been…it cannot last forever.”

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.  The only connection this story has to Christmas is there is a Christmas Tree in a panel of the Dick portion of the story. I wasn’t enjoying the first few pages of the story, but it came around. This story was published within a few months of Tim Drake’s first appearance in the Batman series. If only DC had managed to publish this story before Tim’s debut – it would have been such a subtle way to foreshadow the appearance of a new Robin. And to publish it in a non-Batman title! Instant stealth bomb.

The third story is “Gifts”, a Wonder Woman story by Eric Shanower.  Eric Shanower is most known for his epic Age of Bronze comic series so its appropriate he was given the Wonder Woman story. Seriously, if you love Greek mythology, read Age of Bronze. It’s unfinished, it may never be finished, but it is worth it.

This takes place during the George Perez run on the Wonder Woman series so it will feature many of the supporting characters from that era. The story opens with Diana having a nightmare involving Hippolyta, Myndi Mayer (a publicist), Hermes, and Zeus. Diana wakes from the nightmare when Zeus proposes that he and Diana be of “one flesh”. Not gonna lie, that would make me wake screaming in fear too!

We then switch to the home of Julia and Vanessa Kapatelis. Julia is a Greek language/history professor. Diana stayed with the pair in Boston after she first came to “man’s world”. Vanessa would later go on to become the post-Crisis “Silver Swan”. I have no idea if Vanessa is the New 52/Rebirth/whatever era DC is currently in Silver Swan.

Pastor Sharon, an old college friend of Julia, tells her that she recently found out that her husband is having an affair and had filed for divorce?

Was everyone at DC depressed in 1989? The Superman story had a man attempt suicide, Batman’s life is neverending darkness he can’t escape, and Wonder Woman’s story is infidelity and divorce? The stories aren’t exactly spreading the Christmas cheer!

Sharon meets Wonder Woman and they exchange “what do you do for a living?” stories. Diana: “I really don’t consider myself a super-hero. True, I have assisted them and have friends among them, but I do not feel like one of them. I am here to tell this world of the Amazon way of life, to teach your people a new way of living, a way of love and peace.”

Diana, Sharon, and the Kapatelis participate in the traditional holiday events: caroling, baking, and a nice meal. Diana is unable to find sleep later that night.  Sharon is also unable to sleep and the duo talk downstairs. Diana is frustrated by the lack of progress in her mission. Sharon gives her the “fight the good fight” talk.

The story ends with the group exchanging gifts on Christmas morning.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.

The fourth story is “Silent Night” by John Byrne and Andy Kubert. The story features Enemy Ace aka Hans Von Hammer, a German pilot during World War I. There is no dialogue in this story. It takes place on a base that holds wounded soldiers. Enemy Ace lands and delivers care packages. A blonde nurse has him stay and dances with him inside a building. Ace salutes the names of soldiers on a board. Possibly a list of soldiers who had passed away. A wounded soldier attempts to shoot Ace but is stopped by another soldier who has Ace leave. Ace kisses the hand of the blonde nurse and flies away. I haven’t read much of Enemy Ace, so I’m unsure of the dynamics between the characters. Did Ace drop off medical supplies for the other side? Is that why the soldier attempted to shoot him?

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. It’s not a traditional Christmas story – the only “Christmas” aspect is the snow. It is a highly effective example of telling a story with no dialogue.

The fifth story is untitled by Bill Loebs and Colleen Doran. It features Flash (Barry Allen) and Green Lantern (Hal Jordan). Barry is stuck at the Watchtower due to monitor duty. Hal is bored and joined Barry to pass the time. We discover Green Arrow (Oliver Queen) gives Hal a cop of “Das Capital” every year: “I think this is his way of making sure I read it!” Spoiler Alert: Hal still hasn’t read the book.

Barry tells Hal that Wally (the pre-Crisis Kid Flash) gives Barry socks every year – specifically, multiple pairs of yellow socks with tiny blue clocks. Barry now owns 75 pairs of those pairs of socks.

Hal announces that monitor duty is over (even though no one has shown up to replace Barry). Hal wants to go to “some small burg where they know how to have an old-fashioned Christmas”.

The pair change to civilian attire and head to “some small burg”. All they find is rain, grumpiness, and theft. They change back to heroic attire to stop a robbery and encounter C.B Feinster, one of the richest men on earth. He’s also one of the most depressed as he informs the heroes “life is meaningless” and people have “withered, evil, souls”.

The duo decide to prove Christmas is real, so they dress the millionaire in a Santa outfit, conjure up a sleigh, and essentially kidnap him to hand out presents.

By the end of the night, Feinster has gotten into the spirit and goes out of his way to help a homeless family and other residents of the town.

The story ends with Hal wishing Barry a “Happy Hanukkah” and Barry telling Hal “Merry Christmas”.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars. 

The sixth story is “Should Auld Aquaintance Be Forgot”. A Deadman story by Alan Brennert and Dick Girodano.

Deadman, per the theme of this issue, is in a funk: “Christmas is not my favorite time of year. Too much damn goodwill floating around. Not enough for me to do. Too much time alone.” He contemplates visiting Corrigan (aka the Spectre) but decides “he gets little enough normalcy, either”.

Deadman (Boston Brand) pops into a body here and there, enjoys a bit of ice skating, etc, and hops along to a Christmas party. Boston leaves his host and rages: “Damn you, Rama! Is this the reward I get for serving you and your damned lords of order? Am I supposed to be grateful for this?”

A long blonde-haired woman with red earrings asks: “Is that why you do this? For the rewards?”

A startled Brand asks: “You can see me? Who are you, one of Madame Xanadu’s smartass mystic friends?”

The mystery blonde responds: “Me? No, magic and I have never been boon companions, I’m afraid.”

This is where the reader should be paying attention and connecting the dots on the identy of the mystery blonde. I’ve read the story before so I know the answer but I’ll wait to the end of the story for the revelation.

Boston continues: “Then how?”

The mystery blonde responds: “Does it matter? A minute ago you were raging against the gods for being alone. If you want, I can always leave.”

The duo continue their conversation and Boston thinks: “There was something about her…about her tone…that made me feel like a lichen, compared to her. I’d been feeling like Job, and her she was, making me feel like Judas. And I didn’t know why.”

The blonde takes off Boston’s mask to reveal the human face underneath. She tells Boston: “We don’t do it for the glory. We don’t do it for recognition. We do it because it needs to be done. Because if we don’t no one else will. And we do it even if no one knows what we’ve done. Even if no one knows we exist. Even if no one remembers we ever existed.”

The mystery blonde announces she must leave as she business to attend to. Boston stops her: “Who are you? How can you see me? I don’t even know your name.”

The blonde answers: “My name is…”

Yes, the blonde gives her name but I’m withholding for a minute to review the clues:

A long-haired blonde with red earrings

She can see Deadman. Who else can see Deaman but another ghost?

“Magic and I have never been boon companions I’m afraid.”

High standard of morality that makes other heroes feel lesser

She is able to remove Boston’s mask – another indication she is a ghost

The “we don’t do it for the glory” speech: “we do it even if no one knows what we’ve done. Even if no one knows we exist. Even if no one remembers we ever existed”’

Have you guessed her identity? Back to the reveal…

The blonde answers: “My name is Kara. Though I doubt that’ll mean anything to you.”

Boston reflects: “She was right. It didn’t”.

Christmas With The Super-Heroes #2 is the last appearance of the pre-Crisis Supergirl. Kara sacrificed herself in a last stand with the Anti-Monitor in the Crisis on Infinite Earths series. Even if you’ve never read the series, you’ll recognize the cover of a grief-stricken Superman holding Supergirl’s body. Due to the nature of the resolution of the Crisis, Kara’s existence was erased from everyone’s memories and the continuity of the DC Universe. Side note: Kara was awesome when she decided to truly throw down. See the showdown with the Anti-Monitor in the Crisis and her confrontation with Darkseid in the Great Darkness Saga.

The story ends “With respect and admiration for the works of Otto Binder and Jim Mooney. We still remember.”

Binder and Mooney were the creators of Supergirl.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars. It was great to get one last appearance of the original and the greatest Supergirl.

[motleyfam]

I posted 2,267 times in 2022

36 posts created (2%)

2,231 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@desperatecheesecubes

@mooitstimdrake

@batshit-birds

@sohotthateveryonedied

@sun-moon-stars-jedi

I tagged 454 of my posts in 2022

#the batman - 25 posts

#fave - 18 posts

#batfam - 9 posts

#atla - 9 posts

#bruce wayne - 8 posts

#dick grayson - 7 posts

#damian wayne - 6 posts

#this sparks joy - 6 posts

#amen - 6 posts

#tim drake - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#thinking of that ‘superman wrecking a whole ass train to save a child on the tracks who he could have just swooped away from danger’ post

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

hey! so its 4am and ive just finished my, um... fifth(?) reread of world's saddest breakfast club and like! aaahhhh!!!

do u got abything to tell us abt this story? like sbt the writing proccess or things u thought that did not make it in or hc or anything really. i dont have a question exactly, just wanted to hear you talk about it. im a bit. well. obssesed.

Oooh cool question! I definitely do!

World's Saddest Breakfast Club: Fun Facts

The opening line is a result of me angsting to @batmoniker about how I couldn't figure out how to start my fic, and her jokingly being like "I got you, bro. Ready? 'It was a dark and stormy night'" and then me just being stubborn and committing to the bit.

The story started with a vague idea of "everyone in the kitchen at 3am for different reasons and Jason channeling his inner short order cook." All I knew going in was the order I wanted people to appear, what was wrong with them (sick, hurt, insomnia, etc) and what food Jason would be making for them. Everything else I made up as I went.

If I could go back and change one thing about this fic, I'd reduce how long Jason was kidnapped to like, 6-8 days, max. 16 days seemed funny when I wrote it, but in hindsight, I feel like he'd be a little more fucked up in the story if he were really escaping from that many days of captivity lmao

I headcanon Dick as the kind of person who straight-up forgets to eat when he's preoccupied, and Jason as the kind of person who cannot FATHOM this concept. Jason absolutely will miss a meal if the situation calls for it, don't get me wrong, but he's aware the entire time he's doing it and it makes him super antsy. (This once turned into A Thing™ when Jason was like, 13 years old and staying with Dick for the weekend for some brotherly bonding and Dick forgot about lunch and by 5pm, Jason maybe sorta kinda had a minor panic attack about it. Dick was a lot more mindful of that moving forward)

Bruce's favorite food being lobster thermidor is a reference to the Lego Batman movie

I wrote this whole fic with Julia Child's recipe pulled up in one tab and my google doc in the other

At some point I realized that since I started with fresh lobsters, I was going to have to write Jason killing them, and it derailed me so hard that the fic nearly became about meatloaf instead. (Never mind the fact that Jason canonically kills human beings — that's totally fine. I just draw the line at him killing lobsters 😰)

(in the end I just kinda glossed over it and made sure they were already cooked before Damian appeared so I wouldn't have to address it 😬)

Dick's reoccurring shoulder injury is a reference to the DCAU where I swear that man has dislocated his shoulder/injured his arm at least 4x

The line about Tim being allergic/throwing up when he eats eggs was inspired by a line in chap 11 of @goldkirk's fic Hymn, which I've reread about 37x

Jason is correct— grits are fucking delicious and definitely not baby food.

My favorite line is "Okay there’s self-sacrificial bullshit, and then there’s whatever the fresh hell that is."

The idea for Cass being a big meat-eater comes from a comic panel where Steph offers her a plate of rice and beans and Cass says needs meat and starts mischievously eying Steph's hamster. Can't find the panel to save my life, but I promise it's out there.

EDIT: finally found it!

Steph's nickname of "Zombie Boy" for Jason is borrowed from @audreycritter's Cor Et Cerebrum series (which is a fucking masterpiece, btw)

This fic was gonna be called "Creatures of the Night" until batmoniker said Steph's line made for a better title

Several people have asked me whether Jason was really cooking Bruce's lobster to spite him, or if he was actually intending to make it for him all along. The answer is... both? Like Jason's kind of an unreliable narrator in that he's trying to convince himself that he's just doing what he's doing to be a little shithead when deep down it's all stemming from his need to take care of his family, you know? Like he'll never admit it, but that's where his heart is at.

To everyone who's asked for a part 2 where the family finds out Jason was kidnapped, I'm gonna be honest: the main reason I don't think I'm ever going to write that scene is because I can't come up with a good enough joke for him to make to accidentally out himself ☠️

90 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

#4

Imagine Bruce starting therapy and learning about all these cool new tricks and gadgets that can help with emotional regulation and getting super invested (because I mean, c’mon, the dude’s like the king of gadget hoarding, he’s got a utility belt for goodness sake)

Then imagine the learning curve of him realizing that just because something works great for one of his kids, doesn’t mean it works for all of them, as illustrated by this memorable incident:

Jason gets really upset and starts having a minor panic attack about something

Bruce, proud owner of 14 new weighted blankets (in various styles, weights, and sizes), tries to wrap his adult son up in one to ground him

After all, Bruce himself finds them super comforting because it’s basically a socially acceptable alternative to wearing a massive Kevlar cape 24/7 like he’d do if he could

(Tim loves them too, so like, kid tested, parent approved™��)

Ends up totally backfiring when the added weight & restricted movement sends Jason into a full-blown flashback of digging out of his own grave, taking this panic attack from like a 4 to a 10

Whoops

130 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#3

Sometimes I get really hung up on trying to make all the logistics and time frame work out in my fanfics

Then I see how the professionals handle this dilemma:

211 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

#2

I have a headcanon that Dick doesn’t actually like cereal nearly as much as he pretends to.

He just knew that Bruce felt bad about his own cooking ineptitude in the early days after taking his new ward in, so whenever Alfred had the night off, the 9-year-old insisted cereal was his ‘favorite food on the planet’ because it was something that Bruce could actually handle preparing for him without setting off the smoke alarms and it made him happy to do it

372 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tim hardly ever wears seatbelts.

It’s not a conscious choice at this point really, he just never got into the habit. When he outgrew his last car seat at age five, his parents didn’t bother getting him a booster and just let him sit in the normal seat, so the belt always felt like it was cutting into his neck and he hated it. He put up a big fuss about it once on the way to some important event, and his parents just huffed, “Fine, don’t wear it then. Fly out the window for all I care” and that was that. They never forced him again.

He just so rarely has to wear one that it slips his mind. Buses don’t have seatbelts. Motorcycles don’t have seatbelts. The Batmobile has them, but they’re rarely used due to the necessity for split-second drop ins and getaways.

It’s not until he’s 17 and driving with Jason somewhere that he finally gets called out on it. Not only called out, but told in a no nonsense sort of way “This car ain’t moving till I hear a fucking click. What, did they stop showing ‘Red Asphalt’ in drivers ed while I was dead??”

(They do still show it. Tim just slept through that class)

557 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review ��

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Scarlet Superthief In Gotham???

by Auiak “Carmen?! Where are you?!” A young, boyish voice is coming from the red earring that Batman grabbed off the mysterious red figure. “And who are you?” The bat asks. The line is silent. Two seconds later, the static in the earring fizzes out, and dies. “Red Robin. Analyze this when we get back.” Batman orders. Seems like a new rogue has appeared in Gotham. ————— Said superthief is lying in an alleyway, an unconscious brown-haired man on top of her. “Gray, wake up!” Words: 9, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019), Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: Gen Characters: Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Ivy (Carmen Sandiego), Zack (Carmen Sandiego), Player (Carmen Sandiego 2019), Shadowsan (Carmen Sandiego), Paper Star (Carmen Sandiego), Countess Cleo (Carmen Sandiego), Coach Brunt (Carmen Sandiego), Tigress | Sheena (Carmen Sandiego), Mime Bomb (Carmen Sandiego), El Topo | Antonio, Le Chèvre | Jean Paul, Graham Calloway | Crackle, Julia "Jules" Argent, Chase Devineaux, Professor Gunnar Maelstrom, Dr. Saira Bellum (Carmen Sandiego 2019), Batman Ensemble, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Alfred Pennyworth, Joker (DCU), Ivy (Poison Ivy 1992), Gotham City, Selina Kyle, Harleen Quinzel, V.I.L.E. Operatives (Carmen Sandiego) Relationships: Julia "Jules" Argent/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Player & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Ivy & Zack (Carmen Sandiego), Graham Calloway | Crackle/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Julia "Jules" Argent & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Chase Devineaux & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Graham Calloway | Crackle & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep & Shadowsan, Ivy & Player & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep & Zack, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Batfamily & Carmen Sandiego, Julia "Jules" Argent & Chase Devineaux, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Ivy Pepper (Gotham)/Harleen Quinzel Additional Tags: Found Family, Heists, Misunderstandings, Fluff and Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Related, Making Up, could be seen as platonic or romantic, Could Be Canon, Hurt/Comfort, No beta we die like almost all of the character’s parents, BAFM Carmen Sandiego, BAFM Player, player is canonically op he’s like 15 and he can hack vile??? Insane, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, BAFM Paper Star, isnt she always? This literally canon, Chase wrecks a lot of cars, Smart Julia “Jules” Argent, Tim and Bruce are both so done, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Carmen Sandiego is hot, Countess Cleo and Zack as the Duke and the rich Wayne family at a high profile dinner ehe via https://ift.tt/nf6NbpY

[acourtofidiots]

crack fic where reader takes tim drake to red robin’s (restaurant) for the first time:

tim: “i can’t believe they stole my name”

y/n: “relax, it’s just a restaurant named after a red bird”

tim: “they honestly should have more red robin memorabilia here if they want to live up to their name”

—————

minors and blank blogs do not interact

[out-of-context-batfam]

Batman Eternal #12

[batpham-discord-highlights]

Jazz Drake: Part Three of Four

source: #ghosts-and-bats channel

1, 2, 3, 4

A

So, Tim shows up to the Batcave that night with his little sister in tow

And Bruce just

He can't

He can't be angry around her

She is, like, ten

And she's adorable

AK

An extremely cute but angry eight-year-old appears in ur mancave wyd

A

Smol Child: Mr. Batman, you're in big trouble if you don't take care of my big brother

Smol Child: If he gets hurt I will [insert creative threat that hints at medical competency]

Alfred: I believe this one is mine, Master Bruce

L

Oooohh Alfred's protégé

AK

Ok but like would she have a codename

A

She would wear what Alfred wears as Agent A, but miniature

G

yoooooo

didnt expect the Alfred twist

AK

Agent J

G

canonically alfred has a daughter btw

don’t think y'all use it but just to throw it here

AK

I just read about her while on dukes wiki I thin

Julia Pennyworth, right?

G

ye

agent J

A

She does but I'm not a big fan :/

Don't remember why

But yes, Agent J

AK

Anyone who is a civilian simply has the nickname agent letter

A

She continues to pursue an education as a doctor as well

G

alfred teaches her everything he knows

including where are the hidden guns

A

Yes

They go to the range every Tuesday

G

"Batman may have a no kill rule, but we pennyworths don’t"

"we?"

"a slip of the tongue, I’m afraid"

A

Bruce has an aneurysm when he finds out but knows he can't stop them

Jazz "Pennyworth" Drake

G

im living for this so much

this is such a gift

AK

Hrmmm what is the canonical age doff between duke and tim

I hate dc

A

I think Duke is maybe a year or two older

AK

Ok then it is reasonable that Danny and jazz are around the same age

G

let’s go with WFA ages

AK

It wasn't a twins au so yeah

G

so 18 or less

A

The thing is, Talia knows next to nothing about Agent J

She doesn't really go places that Talia has access to

I mean, there's school, I guess

And she'd probably know she's pursuing a medical career

But she's dismissed as any threat to Damian

Which turns out to be a m i s t a k e

AK

But like the thing you said about shooting ranges earlier makes me remember jazzes terrible aim in canon xd

G

Alfred fixes that

with good teaching and a lot of patience

demon child going down

fighting on the taco bell parking lot

letsgo

im having so much fun A

A

But yeah, she's suspicious of him in the first place so she lurks like Alfred taught her too

A way Damian isn't trained to sense with his league training

He pushes Tim off the ledge

She shoots him in the shoulder

Him being Damian

Thankfully, Tim is okay

And the bullet didn't hit anything vital

But, y'see, Darling Jazzy's worries about Damian are taken a lot more seriously than Tim's in canon

After all, she is also a child

They can't play the "He's younger, grow up" card on her

I

^ yes

A

Damian only tries one more time and is stopped similarly

This time the shot barely misses an artery

Alfred: Nice shot, Miss Jasmine

Alfred: Just as I taught you

Damian learns to respect the agents and adapts a lot faster to the new environment

Because it's made clear that attacking allies is u n a c c e p t a b l e

G

i love my ONLY sister

best sibling ever

"you are not even related"

A

And Jason

Oh boy

She isn't in a place to threaten him like she is with Damian

But she holds a grudge like you wouldn't believe

She doesn't talk to him

She only treats him when she has to

She glowers at him

G

alse she'd feel guilty because if only she'd been there she would have protected her brother

A

Yes, she absolutely does

[hintofelation99]

My Red Robin Playlist

Michael in the Bathroom by George Salazar; tbh it just vibes with my general idea of Tim Drake. Like it doesn't necessarily apply to him, but it fits his vibe.

Dead Inside by Younger Hunger; This is literally just Tim, like the poor boy just wants to run his company and get by.

NVM by Faith Marie; I love Dick so much but he did call Tim crazy, also Tim is a sad boy.

Some Kind of Disaster by All Time Low; He's a disaster boy

Adam's Song by Blink 182; Again he's a sad boy

Letter to the Lost by COUNTERFEIT.; This is more of a response to Adam's Song in my mind (@timdrakeisaclownbaby mentioned me thinking of Adam's Song and Letter to the Lost being a call in response in one of their posts)

Let Me Sleep/Starving by One11Twenty; Admittedly this does double as my sad times playlist

Ready To Let Go by Cage The Elephant; This song in relation to Tim makes me think of him falling before Dick catches him

Foolishly Wrong by Autoheart; Honestly this song is p fitting for a lot of vigilantes

To Be Human by MARINA; I have a headcanon that I'll post later about Tim feeling like a porcelain doll and this song reminds me of that

Farewell Wanderlust by The Amazing Devil; The lyrics are so beautiful and some just fit so perfectly

Dirty Imbecile by The Happy Fits; "They're just wholly unaware of all the blood and sweat I cry before dawn" like damn bro

Lost Boy by Ruth B.; This song is lonely. Tim is lonely. That is all.

is your bedroom ceiling bored (ft. Cavetown) by Sody; Just imagine baby Tim alone in his empty house daydreaming about being adopted by Batman and finally being loved.

Too Sad to Cry by Sasha Sloan; I'm so mean to Tim, like the Tim in my mind doesn't deserve this much sadness

My Mistake by Gabrielle Aplin; "But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake" that hits like a knife to the gut.

Mind Is A Prison by Alec Benjamin; The title alone is so perfect

Sorry Haha I Fell Asleep by Egg; Tim's self doubt about actually being apart of the family

If The World Was Ending by JP Saxe, Julia Michaels; Tim asking if anyone will think of him when shit gets real

I Lost a Friend by FINNEAS; I imagine that Tim often feels like he hasn't 'earned' the right to be sad (which is bullshit, your emotions are valid)

911 by Ellise; That sweet, sweet angst

Hate Myself by Dodie; I mean... it just works

Song for Josh by Frank Turner; Again, I make Tim sad. Also this feels like another response to Adam's Song

Oh Raven (Sing Me A Happy Song) by Unlike Pluto; The lyrics are soooo good

Bouquet by Ethan Jewell; The metaphor is so pretty and beautifully fits anyone who gives up part of them self to help another

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

<- Patrol Playlist

[batfam-rewrites]

Batfam During Quarantine: Retirement

Dick pulls up in front of the apartment that Barbara and her family lives in. He takes out his boom box and sets in a cassette tape. He sets the volume to the maximum setting. He holds the boom box over his head as Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” starts playing.

Dick: BABS!!!!

He waits out there for a few minutes until she opens up the window and leans out of it.

Barbara: You Dick!

The song ends and starts playing “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Aerosmith.

Dick: BABS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE TALK TO ME!

Neighbor 1: GO HOME!

Dick: I’M DOING THIS FOR LOVE!

Neighbor 2: LOVE IS DEAD YOU SCHMUCK!

Dick: YOU’RE HEART IS DEAD!

Neighbor 3: SHUT THE FUCK UP KID!

Jim Gordon: DICK, IT IS 5 AM! GO THE FUCK HOME!

Dick: FINE!

The next night

Dick walks up to the door to the Gordon family’s apartment. He knocks on the door and Jim opens the door.

Dick: Hey Jim, I was sorta expecting Babs to open the door.

Jim: *looks at the cards in Dick’s hands* Just take a hint kid. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.

Dick: I’m persistent, it’s part of my charm.

Jim: Whatever. *shuts the door*

A minute late Barbara opens the door.

Dick: *holding the cards*

Barbara: They’re facing you.

Dick: *looks down and flips the cards around* “Babs, I know I messed things up by *flips the card* not telling you Helena was staying at the *flips the card* mansion. I want you to know that you are *flips the card*

Barbara: *shuts the door on Dick*

Dick: I still have twenty-something cards left. At least finish reading them.

Two days later at the grocery store

Barbara is walking down the aisle looking for food. The music playing over the speakers as a voice replaces the music.

Dick: You’re just to good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. 

Barbara starts looking around the store for Dick and sees him leaning against a wall with one of the phones.

Dick: *notices Barbara and points to hear and then makes a heart with his hands* At long last, love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. *plays the instrumental part on his phone*

A store employee now spots Dick and heads towards him.

Dick: I love you, baby. And if it's quite alright. *struggles to keep possession of the phone* Get away, you’ll sing next. I need you baby *still fighting for the phone* To warm the lonely night. *starts climbing between the wall and the refrigerated section* I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say.

Barbara starts walking away embarrassed.

Dick: Oh, pretty baby, wait Babs, where you going? Babs? Babs? BAAABBS! LET ME ME LOVE YOUUUUU!

Daily Briefing

Dick: Okay, while things are a bit peaceful now, they’re not going to stay that way forever. Let’s try to plan ahead now and see if we can recruit any former members of Batman Inc. Tim, Steph, and Duke, you guys need to try and convince Luke to come out of retirement. Kate and Babs you go try and convince Bette to join us in Gotham.

Jason: What are the rest of us doing?

Dick: Selina, Jason, Harper, Cass, and Damian will patrol and hand out mask later today....

Harper: Cool, glad I can finally do something!

Jason: Got it!

Dick: And I will be sulking in my room!

Damian: Try again, Grayson.

Dick: I will be on patrol and handing out mask as Nightwing! Julia will be on monitor duty and Helena, tonight you’ll be on sanitation duty.

Helena: *sexually* Whatever you say.

Selina: Oh god!

Duke: Please stop!

Tim: There is a child present!

Jason: *Laughs hysterically* Am I the only one who still thinks this is funny?

Stephanie: Apparently so!

Dick: Alright, let’s get moving.

Tim, Duke, Stephanie, and Luke

Tim: Damn, it’s nice to finally be out of the mansion!

Duke: We were on patrol almost every night.

Tim: Yeah, but as Red Robin, not Tim Drake.

Stephanie: I mean, I guess that’s true.

Tim: *knocks on the door* 

Luke: *opens the door* Hey guys, it’s been a while!

Tim: Hey Luke, how have you been!

Luke: Not bad, Tim! What about you guys?

Tim: Could be better!

Stephanie: Not bad!

Duke: Send help!

Luke: Their dysfunction has gotten to you I’m assuming?

Duke: Maybe.

Tim and Stephanie: We’re not dysfunctional!!!

Luke: Relax! I’m talking about the others.

Tim: Kay, coolcoolcool.

Stephanie: Yeah, the others are pretty dysfunctional.

Luke: Anyways, come on in guys. Take a seat in the living room.

All three walk in and sit in the living room.

Tim: Okay I’m going to cut straight to the point, things aren’t going to be so peaceful for so long. It’s only a matter of time until the Joker pops up with a futuristic Batsuit or some dude comes in with a plan to destroy Batman in multiple ways.

Luke: I’m not coming out of retirement, Tim.

Stephanie: Why not?

Luke: Because I can’t stand to go back being some vigilante trying to save the city. I mean don’t you guys get tired of feeling like the weight of this city is pressing down on you every time you put on that mask.

Tim: Yeah, but I mean it’s not that bad.

Luke: When was the last time you slept.

Tim: Like 6 hours. Plus 2 days.

Luke: That’s my point! This is a thankless job that you guys work your ass off for.

Duke: Yeah coming here may have been a mistake. Let’s go guys, Luke’s not coming back.

Stephanie: Why not stay here Duke. I mean, Luke is right. We risk our lives to save some fucks who don’t give two shits whether we live or die. Sure they’d be sad if we did, but they would only be sad because that would mean they’d have to actually defend themselves!

Tim: Yeah, that is a great point!

Stephanie: Woooo let’s get hammered, this is my retirement party fuckers!

Luke: You’re not drinking alcohol! You’re under age!

Stephanie: Whatever! *stands up and walks out the door*

Duke: Tim, let’s go!

Tim: Yeah, I mean it’s probably about time I retired too!

Duke: Damn it!

Damian and Jon

Damian sets up a zoom call with Jon

Damian: Hey, Kent.

Jon: Hey, Wayne.

Damian: Why must you mock me?

Jon: Why must you mock me?

Damian: Goodbye!

Jon: No, wait, I want attention!!!!

Damian: Works like a charm. How’s it going over there?

Jon: Not bad, it’s super boring. I wish I had 50 people staying at my place.

Damian: No you don’t! It is awful. I want to punch Drake constantly, Grayson is always trying to hand out hugs, Todd tried to kill me!

Jon: The hugs don’t sound....

Damian: Row turned my knife into an electric razor...

Jon: How...

Damian: Kyle keeps trying to bond with me, Cain tried to stab me because I stole a waffle from her, Bertinelli and her lust for Grayson is annoying! Honestly, Pennyworth and Thomas are the only ones who haven’t managed to piss me off.

Jon: You know what, I take back what I said earlier.

Damian: Wise choice.

Jon: Hey, remember the time your dad almost adopted me?

Jason: *talking in the hallway*

Damian: That was funny. Hey I got to go, I’m about to go on patrol.

Jon: During the day, I thought you guys were nocturnal.

Damian: No, we are not. We’ll talk later.

Jon: See ya!

Damian: Bye. *rushes to the door to see if he could hear Jason*

Jason: I’ll see you there. *walks off*

Damian: *walks out of his room and sees Selina* 

Selina: Hey Dami, you ready to go on patrol?

Damian: Actually, we have a change in plans.

Nightwing

Nightwing: *sees a kid walking by without a mask, he squats down and waves* Hey what’s up little dude!

Little kid: *runs away from parents and hugs Nightwing*

Parent: Hey! Sorry, we’re still trying to get him to understand what social distancing is.

Nightwing: It’s okay, he’s young, he’ll eventually get the idea. I see that someone lost their mask though! Do you like super heroes kiddo!

Little kid: *nods excitedly* Batgirl is my favorite!

Nightwing: Really! Batgirl is my favorite, too! Hey, let’s get you another mask buddy! *reaches into the box of mask he has and hands a Batgirl mask to the parent to put on the kid’s face*

Parent: Thank you so much! *puts the mask on the little kids face*

Nightwing: No problem! Stay safe! *waits a bit longer and puts in an earbud*

Nightwing: *sees another guy not wearing a mask* Hey, how about we wear a mask buddy!

Guy: Piss off!

Nightwing: Come on. Let’s try to think about everyone else.

Guy: Who cares! If I get the virus I won’t die! It’s only the old people who are dying! 

Nightwing: Okay, please tell me your joking.

Guy: I mean, you don’t really see much other people dying.

Nightwing: If you pay attention to the statistics you would see that there are other people who are 20, 30, 40 years old and dying from this virus! Can you just put the mask on?

Guy: Hell no, it’s uncomfortable for me!

Nightwing: UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU! I HAVE TO WEAR ONE FOR LEGIT MOST OF THE DAY. OUR CITIES FIRST RESPONDERS MUST WEAR ONE TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS. NO ONE, ESPECIALLY ME OR ANY NURSE, FIREMAN, POLICE OFFICER, ET CETERA, CARES IF IT BOTHERS YOU! PUT ON THE DAMN MASK!!!

Guy: Damn. *starts walking away*

Nightwing: *grabs cologne* Sir, don’t make me do this.

Guy: Do what? Bit......

Nightwing: *sprays cologne all over the guys face*

Guy: pffft. pfffffftt. 

Nightwing: I bet you’d like a mask now!

Guy: YOU FUCKING SON OF A

Nightwing: *spays the cologne at his face again* Hey! *throws a mask at the guy* No profanity! There’s kids around. Put on the mask, too. 

Guy: *puts the mask on reluctantly and walks away* Stupid vigilante in this stupid damn city. Hate this damn place.

Nightwing: *watches him walk away for a bit* Never thought I’d take a page out of Jay’s book.

Julia: Nightwing, need you over in Gotham Heights. There’s a.... *clears throat*..... situation over there. I’m sending you the coordinates now.

Nightwing: On my way! *takes off firing the grappling hook into the side of a building as he takes off*

Jason

Jason walks towards the house, checking his surroundings to see if any of his “family” members followed him. Fortunate for him, Dick is preoccupied with his thoughts and Damian and Selina left after he did.

He opens the door and walks inside of his safe house. He then sits down, takes off his helmet, sets it down on the table, and turns on the tv to watch Supernatural. Not long after Roy walks downstairs.

Roy: What’s up Jaybird?

Jason: Not much Roy.

Roy then sits down on the couch next to him to watch with him.

Roy: Is it just me or would Jensen Ackles be the perfect person to play you if there was to ever be a movie about you?

Jason: I KNOW, RIGHT!!!! Hey do you want to order some pizza?

Roy: Sure!

Roy begins to pull out his phone when they hear a knock at the door.

Jason: Hide! 

Roy: Hey it’s my safe house, too!

Jason: It’s my city! Hide!

Roy begins to hide as Jason looks outside the door to see Damian and Selina outside the door. 

Jason: *opens the door* Hey Catwoman, Robin! What are you guys doing here?

Damian: More importantly, what are you doing here?

Jason: Following up on a lead. I saw a very shady guy leave here so I’m looking for some evidence.

Selina: Are those your guns on the counter? And your helmet and phone on the table?

Jason: No.

Damian: Then where’s your guns?

Jason: Okay, I hate to admit it, but I came across a dog and decided to pet it, then it bit the barrel of both guns and ran off.

Selina: Mmmmhhhmmmm and why don’t I believe you?

Jason: Because everyone but Duke has trust issues.

Damian: Give it up, Todd.

Jason: Give what up?

Damian: *walks over to the closet and opens the door*

Roy: Woah, how the hell did I get here!

Jason: *shakes his head*

Tim, Duke, Stephanie, and Luke

Duke: Dude, you broke Tim and Steph.

Luke: No I didn’t!

Duke: Really because we came here to try and convince you to be Batwing again and yet you somehow got them both to decide to retire!

Luke: So, they should! They deserve it. No kid should have to deal with that kind of stress!

Duke: Dude, we live in Gotham freaking City. Stress is literally stuff we learn in 6th grade because our parents need us to get jobs!

Luke: You had to get a job in 6th grade?

Duke: Oh right, sorry I forgot you all are rich! Hey, where’s Steph and Tim?

Luke: Outside somewhere.

Duke: DUDE!!!! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM!!!!!!

Luke: They’ll be fine!

Duke: Whatever. *walks towards the door* If you change your mind, you know where to call. *he walks out the door*

____

Tim: *grabs a helium tank* Hey Steph!

Stephanie: *turns around*

Tim: *pulls down the mask and inhales the helium* I am vengeance, I am the night, I am BATMAN!

Stephanie: O-M-G!!! That is amazing!

Jason, Roy, Damian, and Selina

Selina: So again, Jason, what are you doing here?

Jason: Trying to get away from you people! Do you know how often I want to shoot Dick alone from all of the stupid stuff he does! 

Damian: Yes!

Jason: You’re no better. You can not adopt stray animals every week!

Damian: They can catch the virus, too! They need a home!

Jason: They have one! In the wild somewhere!

Selina: What’s your point?

Jason: I needed a place to escape you idiots at the mansion. There’s only so much I can take before I break B’s no killing rule.

Damian: Then why is Harper here?

Roy: Jaybird has been my emotional support person since Kori left Earth for Tamaran.

Selina: I can see that.

Damian: Is this where you’ve been every single patrol?

Jason: Not every one. Only when I get sick of you all. 

Selina: Everyday!!!!

Roy: *laughs uncontrollably*

Jason: Not everyday!!! Look, this is why I need this place, because I can’t stand you fuckers!!! Get out of my house!

Damian: How did you even pay for this place?

Jason: I USED TO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING!!!!

Selina: Jason, your not supposed to even be here. We need to leave now.

Jason: Yes you fucking should!

Selina: I meant all of us!

Jason: Good luck with that! You’ll have to drag me out.

Damian: Just watch us do it!

Roy: This is getting a bit personal, I’m gunna grab my bow and leave.

Jason: Stay Roy!

Roy: Okay, I’ll stay!

Selina: How are we so awful? What is it that we do that bothers you so much?

Jason: I don’t want to talk about it!

Selina: What is it?

Jason: You guys make me want to actually be a part of the family! You guys care for me, and make fun of me *starts crying* and make me laugh, and it’s not fucking fair!

Selina: Jason..... I’m.... I’m sorry. Why are you crying?

Jason: Because this shit has always been unfamiliar to me! Family has always been fucked up for me before Bruce. When he took me in I didn’t know how to feel because at that point my life was filled with rage, sadness, and confusion. *sits down on the couch* Then came in Dick, who at first made me feel at home with how much he hated the fact that I replaced him, until a few months go by for him to accept me as a brother he never had. Then I fuckin’ died!

Selina: *sits down next to Jason* It’s okay if you want some time away from us, I understand now that this is new. We won’t ever stop loving you Jason. If you ever need a break from us then I’ll cover for you, just don’t be out for too long.

Jason: Thanks Selina.

Roy: *starts humming Love Is A Battlefield*

Selina: Are you humming Love Is A Battlefield?

Jason: He is so humming Pat Benatar right now.

Roy: No, you’re all just hearing things.

Damian: Who’s Pat Benatar?

Jason: Okay, GET OUT!!!!

Selina: *rushes themselves out the door* Let’s go Dami, we’ve overstayed our welcome!

Damian: But my phone!

Roy and Jason: GET OUT!

Tim and Stephanie

Stephanie: *dancing in a strangers house* Woooo!!!

Tim: *break dancing to “Dirrty” in the middle of a dance circle*

Stephanie: *nudges the person next to her* I’m friends with that guy!

Stranger: Nice!

Stephanie: I know right!

Tim: *steps out of the dance circle* Hey!

Stephanie: How many Red Bulls did you have?

Tim: How many legs does a wolf-tigark have.

Stephanie: What!

Tim: I’m super fucked up!

Stephanie: Same! Wanna have sex?

Tim: Sure!

Duke, Cassandra, and Harper

Duke: Hey, Harper! Do you remember that time you were totally surrounded by the Riddler’s henchmen and I swooped in and saved you, and you were like “Thanks dude! You’re the best! I totally owe you one!”

Harper: Yes, I remember part of that being true!

Duke: Well, I need you to return that favor and you can not tell any of the others. I lost Tim and Stephanie and need help finding them.

Harper: What the hell Duke! How did this happen?

Duke: Well, Luke broke Tim and Steph, causing them to decide to retire, then they disappeared.

Harper: Okay, Orphan and I will be right there after we take down these two drug dealing pimps!

Duke: Thank you!

Harper: *hangs up the phone* Okay, let’s take care of this Orphan!

They both jump down landing a kick to their chest. Harper then grabbed her dudes arm and broke his wrist, finally stomping on his face, knocking the dude out. Cass walked towards her guy reaching down and throwing him against a wall, then kicking his back.

Nightwing

Nightwing: *arrives at the apartment door*

Boyfriend: YOU STUPID BITCH! WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT! 

Girlfriend: *through tears* I’m sorry!

Boyfriend: *slaps the girlfriend* SHUT UP BITCH!

Nightwing: *knocks on the door*

Boyfriend: *opens door* Can I help you?

Nightwing: Yes hi. I was walking around the neighborhood and wanted to know if you wanted to donate to the charity of whoop-ass?

Boyfriend: Not interested. *tries to close the door*

Nightwing: *pushes the door open* Hold on, you need to hear the rest of my pitch! *kicks the boyfriend in the chest* 

Girlfriend: *still crying* NO! PLEASE STOP!

Nightwing: Wha-

Boyfriend: *tries to throws a few punch at Nightwing’s face*

Nightwing: *drops to the floor and goes for a flare, sweeping the boyfriend off his feet*

The sound of sirens is heard out side.

Nightwing: *temporarily distracted by the sirens*

Boyfriend: *gets up* YOU CALLED THE COPS! YOU UNGRATEFUL GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH! *tries to punch his girlfriend*

Nightwing: *catches his fist* Not gunna happen. *tosses the boyfriend against the wall and has him put his hands over his head*

Police Officer: G-C-P-D! GET YOUR..... Oh, Nightwing? How random seeing one of you guys here. Like always. *goes in to arrest the boyfriend*

Nightwing: *kneels down to where the girlfriend is sitting and takes note of the cuts and marks on her arms* Are you okay?

Girlfriend: I-*sob* I don’t *sob* know what *sob* I did *sob* wrong?

Nightwing: You did nothing wrong. Everything will be okay. Did he hit you?

Girlfriend: *nods her head yes*

Nightwing: Where did he hit you?

Girlfriend: *looks up to reveal a black eye and cuts on her face* My *sob* face, arms *sob*, stomach. *buries her head in her arms and starts to cry even harder*

Nightwing: Hey, it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. 

Nightwing tries the best he can to comfort the girl before the EMT arrived. After that he stuck around for a bit to give a statement of what happened when he arrived and to make sure everything was fine before he left.

Duke, Stephanie, Tim, Harper, and Cassandra

Stephanie: *wakes up* Ugh. My head! *she looks over at Tim and smiles as she gets out of the bed*

Tim: *starts to wake* Ow! *sees Stephanie* Hey!

Stephanie: Hey! 

Tim: *sits up on the bed*

Stephanie: Look about what happened, can we agree it was a drunk mistake.

Tim: Yeah! *rubs the back of his head and stands up close to Stephanie* I’m sorry, I can’t pretend! *he pulls her in and kisses her* I really like you!

Stephanie: I like you, too.

Tim: Wanna crawl back under the covers again for a bit?

Stephanie: Absolutely!

____

Desk Clerk: Thank you, hope you enjoyed your stay!

Tim: We certainly did, thank you! *both Stephanie and Tim walk out the door and see Duke, Cassandra, and Harper* 

Stephanie: Hey, you found us!

Duke: Get in the car!

Harper: Spent most of the night looking for you suckers until we saw that Tim used his credit card to purchase a hotel room there! 

Tim: We’re sorry you had to go searching for us!

Duke: Also, if you are even still thinking about retiring, you’re going to have to tell Bruce yourself.

Stephanie: We’re not retiring. We probably just thought it was a good idea because we were both sleep deprived.

Duke: Good, because I didn’t want to see Bruce lose his shit!

Dick and Julia/Dick and Jason

Back at the Batcave

Julia: How did it go?

Dick: Rough. That building was well into Harper’s sector though, why did you have me take care of it?

Julia: I think you know why.

Dick: *thinks for a moment* Because of the way I’ve been reacting to my breakup with Bab’s.

Julia: If you stopped thinking of how to win her back for one second, you would see that she is most likely suffering as much as you are. 

Dick: I understand. I’m going to head upstairs. Don’t stay down here much longer, that’s an order.

Julia: Are you still entitled to give orders?

Dick: I still get to wear the cowl, don’t I?

Julia: Fair enough.

Dick quickly showers and heads upstairs.

Jason: Hey, Dickwad. Over here.

Dick: Sup, Jay?

Jason: Follow me.

Jason leads Dick to the parking garage and into one of Bruce’s cars and drives to the safe house.

Jason: Welcome, to the safe house. I heard you had a rough day so I thought it would be worth it to take you here. Wayne house free zone so feel free to cry, let out your feeling, whatever you need to do to process this. I’ll wait in the car.

Dick: *crying* Jay.

Jason: Yeah.

Dick: *hugs Jason* Thank you!

Jason: No problem. If you tell Bruce, I will end you though.

Dick: Got it!

While I try to make these stories for the most part humorous and entertaining, domestic violence is a very serious topic. Since quarantine, domestic violence rates have gone up. If you or some one you know is in an abusive relationship or has found themselves in one since quarantine began, don’t hesitate to call the Domestic Violence Support hotline at 1 (800) 799 7233. You can also go to thehotline.org to contact them.

If someone you know has just left an abusive relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent/child) remember to be there for them. Allow them to talk but don’t force them too if they don’t want to. Make sure not to bash the guilty party and respond about them neutrally. Most of all, make sure to let them know that they are still loved, and that they are still the same person, even if they feel that they are not.

I will be reblogging this message on my blog. I ask you to please share and reblog as much as you can.

[ao3feed-timkon]

You Wouldn’t Get It, It’s a Secretary Thing

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/zJVwyrs

by AnIdiotWhoDoesntKnowRightFromLeft

Alfreds grand-niece(great-niece?) comes to Gotham to attend Gotham University and ends up working at WE as Bruce Wayne’s Secretary. Chaos Ensues.

Julia @CrownJules >@pennyforyourthoughts

Did-Did the Waynes just reply to some random girls tweet? What is happening??? How do they know you @pennyforyourthoughts we need answers

Anna M. HP @pennyforyourthoughts >@pennyforyourthoughts

I have answers to those questions but I am actively choosing not tell you.

Words: 1430, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of You Wouldn’t Get It, It’s a Secretary Thing

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), DCU

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M, M/M

Characters: Jason Todd, Original Female Character(s), Alfred Pennyworth, Wilfred Pennyworth, Daphne Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Original Male Character(s), Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Cassandra Cain, Barbara Gordon

Relationships: Jason Todd/Original Female Character(s), Jason Todd & Original Female Character(s), Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Dick Grayson/Wally West, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent

Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Not Beta Read, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Humor, Attempt at Humor, Jason is a Dork, Alfred Pennyworth Ships It, I'm Bad At Summaries, Inspired by TikTok, Jason is an Asshole, Batboys are annoying, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Damian Wayne is Robin, Dick Grayson is Nighthawk, tim drake is peregrine, like why the fuck did he choose red robin, there are so many other good bird names, and the confusion whenever they say red or robin between him and the others has to be annoying, no offense, Social Media, Batfamily Social Media (DCU), Gotham citizens - Freeform, everyone is confused, Stephanie Brown is Spoiler, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Cassandra Cain is Batgirl, Cassandra Cain is Orphan, Chaos, Chaotic Duke Thomas, chaotic tim drake, Domestic Batfamily (DCU)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/zJVwyrs

[teentitanimals]

why the HECK does Dick have so much bio-family

like what. i swear. he’s go so much biological family its like- why didnt ANY of them take him in??? he’s nearly got as many as his lovers!!!

(text of picture under cut in case picture cant load:)

Biological Parents: Mary Lloyd-Grayson, John Grayson

Biological Siblings: Rachel Grayson (on Earth-Three), Mitchell “Mitch” Grayson (in Burtonverse)

Biological Great-Grandparents: William Cobb, Amelia Crowne

Biological Great-Great-Grandfather: Burton Crowne

Biological Great-Uncle: Owen Lloyd (in Burtonverse)

Biological Great-Great-Uncle and Aunt: Landon Grayson, Judith Grayson

Biological Aunts and Uncles: Harriet Cooper, George Grayson, Richard “Rick” Grayson, Alphonse Grayson (in Burtonverse)

Marital Aunts: Clara Grayson, Karla Grayson

Biological Cousin: John Grayson II

*He has had multiple different versions of bio-family differing between Earths and continuities

Adopted Father: Bruce Wayne

Adoptive Step-Mother: Selina Kyle

Surrogative Grandfather: Alfred Pennyworth

Adoptive Aunts (First Cousins; Once Removed): Kate Kane, Beth Kane, Bette Kane

Surrogative Aunt: Julia Pennyworth

Adoptive Siblings: Damian Wayne, Athanasia al Ghul, The Heretic (clone of DW), Tallant Wayne (clone of DW), Helena Wayne (From Earth-2), Helena Kyle (from Birds of Prey), "Aion" Wayne (In Batman in Bethlehem), Alina Wayne (maybe), Bruce Wayne Jr. (On Earth-3839), Lance Bruner, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Cass Cain, Duke Thomas (maybe), Kull (in Dark Multiverse), Terry McGinnis, Matt McGinnis

Sister-in-Laws: Dana Tan, Rose Wilson (in Injustice)

Ex-Lovers: Shawn Tsang, Raya Vestri, Cheyenne Freemont, Sonia Branch-Zucco, Alia/Agent 8, Daphne Pennyworth, Rachel Roth, Helena Bertinelli, Zatanna Zatara, Dawn Granger, Beatrice Bennett

Ex-Toxic ‘Lovers’: Miriam “Miri” Delgado, Catalina Flores, Lui

Wives: Koriand’r, Barbara Gordon (on Earth-2)

Biological Children: Mar'i Grayson, Jake Grayson, John Grayson III (On Earth-2), Elainna Grayson (in Beyondverse)

Adoptive Niece and Nephew: Sasha Todd, Clark Wayne (On Earth-3839)

Adoptive Great-Nieces: Lois Wayne (On Earth-3839), Lara Wayne (On Earth-3839)

[barnabascollins]

things the 2012 movie got lowkey right (re: the original series, not re: my personal enjoyment of it as a standalone movie)

- the aesthetic and cinnamonphotography of the whole first cliff dive scene (even though it’s lame as hell that they have her Just do it because of the “all who love you must die” curse and not because you know barnabas was trying to vamp her. sure please remove her one moment of plot agency. but anyway oof)

- the collinses having hoffman just sort of… there. as a live in therapist. god knows they need it

- the representation of “ayuh” yesssssss. we are in maine. this movie feels like maine that’s another thing

- which reminds me also: shots of downtown collinsport. like thank you for your budget

- the “a name like victoria is so beautiful i could not bear to part with a single syllable of it” line. was this a line from the og series actually? i can’t remember. either way good move to include it

- the “You fought on, Barnabas. In your own crazy and miserable way, you fought on.” monologue. it doesn’t really apply to original series pre-coffin barnabas who was actively pro dying, but more unhinged post-coffin b is like this a little and that is something tim and i both enjoy about him

- barnabas reciting 70s song lyrics that resonate with him melodramatically while stretching a hand into a sunbeam. “i am a picker… i am a grinner… i am a lover, and i… am… a sinner.” that shits funny don’t lie we’ve come up with that same gag in the discord

- eva as angelique sorry but i know for a FACT that being an angelique stan as a kid (as you can tell from this movie he was) is what gave tim burton his whole… big eyes… thing… in the first place. i know it

- julia’s wardrobe. the flowers-with-spirals number… yes. babygirl what is that. carlotta drake energy (honorific. i LOVE carlotta drake’s outfits)

- the exact appropriate amount of julia and elizabeth wives content

- the SECOND cliff dive scene. again the advanced capacity for cinematography and effects gives the first moment over the edge the stomach-lurching effect that the series strove for. the look of the cliff and the sea for this bit was perfect and the long shot was gorgeous. the desperation of the midair chase downward was so sexy i’m sorry

- barnabas in a little hat and little sunglasses