#Though back then I was like. ''Oh man look at this really solid ep from the lego show haha!'' <- didn't realize she'd be fucking murdered

[imminent-danger-came]

I feel truly bad for anyone who can't get into lmk. Like I completely understand why, I'm just. They're missing out on so much

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) Ahhh already 4 eps into this season. Almost half way there. Doesn’t take long when we only got 10. Ha Still grateful for what little we got was better than nothing tbh. Also reached the limit on my master post for links. Apparently there is a limit. Boo. Gotta add a link to a new posts in there for rest of the reviews. Was kinda shocked at the lower amount of gifs for this ones. So a lot are the made ones from me. Anyways this is really really good one. Let us begin.

6x04 Training Day

We start out with Lucy being a lying liar who lies. Not even well.... Tim not believing her even a little bit that she’s "fine." One of Lucy’s tells is her fidgeting. Whether it’s her hands, her sleeves, and the ever infamous tattoo touch she does. All indicators she is anything but fine. Tim is well versed in all of these things. Because he has the book of Lucy memorized. Her telling him it’s ’Not a big deal.’ Is a big ol red flag for him.

Tim voicing as such to her. Letting her know anytime he’s heard that from a woman in his life they were anything but that. Lucy keeps pretending she’s made peace with it. That’s she’s a professional. She will keep on keeping on. But as we know with this episode that is a load of absolute BS. It's one thing after another for her in this one only adding to very 'not fine' she is. Poor girl.

They do turn a cute corner with her asking if he wants her to be upset? Tim replying of course he doesn't. But the man is worried. Rightfully so. The smile on her face when she asks this is adorable though. They have a nice little moment of reprieve till numbskull Nolan appears. Bringing up the very thing that is eating at her. Her short ‘I’m fine.' Before taking off. Ugh. Undoing any progress Tim made. Thanks John forever the worst with that stuff. Smh. The way Tim’s eyes follow her after that. *sigh*

So begins the hell episode for Lucy. She shows up to the scene asking about their killer. Then asks Harper/Angela if they want her to start canvassing? They tell her yeah the northwest corner. Lucy making a crack no one has covered it yet because it’s by the ‘Hell dumpsters’. Their sassy looks say everything. Lucy spitting back a company line about being a patrol officer. Oh my girl. It’s hitting her so hard she’s still a patrol officer. Feeling like at this point in her career her talents are being wasted. I mean they are…That much is clear in this moment.

Her expression at the end of the scene says everything tbh. About all that frustration and feeling like a failure. This is the starting point of Lucy isolating herself. I know everyone thought she had zero support. To me and I know others said it during the season too. That she isolated herself. Because just like Tim when she is going through something she does it alone. She is internalizing EVERYTHING right now. I have been known to do this as well. The need to shutdown and do it alone. I can relate to her.

She has a solid support system but that doesn’t mean she’s taking advantage of said system. I can relate to that very well too. It took awhile but I now have a solid system. I don’t always rely on them in times of emotional distress. It’s a learned skill. One I'm still learning to use. We talk about Tim and his need for therapy. Lucy needs it too. They’re scarily alike in their unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s frightening really. Also the song running through this is so good (Dandelion-ill peach)

This next portion is the beginning of her spiral as well. It’s wrapped inside her isolation. It’s a recipe for disaster as we see later on... The isolation continues while she is guarding the dumpsters solo. If there was ever a time Lucy didn’t need to be alone with her thoughts it would be today. She spots some puke and thinks it might be from the killer. Calls Harper and tells her as such.

Harper tells her it’s unlikely to be related but they’ll need to process it anyways. Unfortunately it is only going to extend her time in hell. Nyla telling her could take a couple hours. 4 tops…Ugh. Not exactly what her day needs. Doesn’t help Harper cuts her off on the phone before she can finish her sentence. *sigh* Now Lucy is left to sit in her thoughts and stew in her emotions. I believe this episode was setup to reflect how Lucy is feeling.

Which honestly is like shit. How she feels alone (self inflicted or not), how she’s falling behind and feelings of failure. It’s reflected in all her scenes in this one. It’s a tough one to watch for her. She’s feeling very segregated and this dumpster canvass isn’t helping. As we know our girl isn’t very good at spotting when she’s being emotionally blind to her own feelings. Nor realizing when she’s not reaching out for the help she needs. The thing about support systems is they can’t be mind readers. You gotta relay when you need that support.

Lucy watching that press conference is killing me softly. You can see so much emotion written all over her face. The jealously and the annoyance of not being the one up there. Because well she almost was. It was just dumb luck (title of Nolan’s career) that they got that call and she didn’t. Ain't nothing going our girl's way today and it shows. She is a seething cauldron of emotions that she is tamping down under the guise of being ‘fine’

I do LOVE her waiting on Tim so they can go home together. (Also the hands in his jeans, the shirt, the jacket. Mmm gimme) It’s the little married things that get me all amped up. Waiting on her man to go home. It makes me so happy and squee. She needs it more than ever too. I swear at this moment in time the only keeping her sanity intact is that man.

He reads her like a book from moment he sees her though. Knows what her sour mood is all about. That if only Primm had seen her linked to this case. Seen this press conference it would’ve proved him wrong about her. Made him regret tanking her exam. Damn he knows his girl. Because that's exactly what her face is conveying in the very beginning of this scene.

Lucy notes instead of that she was stuck in dumpster hell. Not only that but she guarded puke for 3 hours. Based on the off chance it belonged to the killer. Tim asking if it did? Hoping to God it did LOL It’s the way Melissa delivers the sick dog line that cracks me up. How she could easily lose her shit right now. Like that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her today.

Ugh I hate it so much for her. She was already all up in her thoughts and failures. Probably thinking why her? What can’t she have even the simplest win? That she’s been resigned to guarding puke and it not even being helpful. That it should be her up there not Nolan. I mean I agree it should be. This is all just percolating toward the rash decision she makes later.

So damn desperate to prove she’s worth her salt. That this is the career for her. She’s meant to do so much more than patrol, canvassing, and general grunt work. Our girl is in dire straits and Tim can see it clear as day. Which is what makes this next portion so sweet and important tbh. Also doesn’t hurt there are more married vibes attached to it.

I love the gentle advice given here from Tim. She’s had a really bad day and he’s being sensitive to it. Doling out solid guidance but being soft about it. Applying logic with empathy so she gets his point but also doesn’t get more upset. Tim can see how this rough shift has rocked her. Especially when she is already on shaky ground. This man like I’ve been saying has been 10/10 for her. Idk what she would’ve done without him eps 1-4 I really don’t.

The beauty of this scene is him empathizing and building her back her up in the process. Reassuring her in the kindest way. That yeah you had a bad day, you’ll have 'em again, but tomorrow could be a whole new ball game for her. That being on patrol is an 'anything can happen game.' Knowing she is down about patrol right now. The man knows. Then is positive about it. Saying today wasn’t her day but tomorrow could be. I love this man so very much. As does Lucy.

I just love the ‘share our day’ marriage vibes this scene holds. Tim sees she had the tougher day and is there for her. Lucy getting lighter as they continue to talk. Something Tim is very good at. The best part of this scene is he gets her to laugh.

After he’s said his piece and comforted her he takes it a step further. Makes his lady laugh and we’re all here for it. Telling her not to be so greedy LOL It’s the way Lucy is looking at him that gets me in the first one. Her Tim smile in full force. Then their precious combined smiles in the second one. God damnit they’re so cute you guys.

I’m dying. They make each other so happy I wanna cry. The lack of space and how they bump arms as they laugh. Just being in love with all to see I cannot. Lucy being grateful for this goof of a man making her smile. For relieving her even if it's just for a short while of that weight on her soul. Letting him carry it with her for a bit. *heart clutch* I love them sfm.

First off before we delve into this part, I wanna say Lucy is an absolute BAMF is in the moments leading up to Harper/Angela arriving. How calm and collected she is. Making sure to cover Bailey as she gets her downed partner. If she could see herself in this moment she wouldn’t have so many doubts. But sadly that is not how crippling self esteem/confidence issues work. I just love watching her in the field and how well she handles herself.

Second my heart was racing from moment that man is shot in the chest. The entire moment is one giant adrenaline rush. Holy hell. Lucy covers for the duo until they reach her cover. Their airship is three minutes out and Lucy doesn’t think they can afford to wait. Wants to run down the alleyway solo. Cut him off so he doesn’t get away. That desperate need to prove herself rearing it’s ugly head.

Not only that but it is running the show for her right now. Harper immediately says no. That’s it's a 40 yard run in an open field. Lucy isn’t listening to her advice though. Level headed Lucy would've heeded her warning. Once again this season she is not with us in this moment. Saying to blow his head off if he pops up. That she’ll be alright. Angela doesn’t look pleased with this idea either. I mean look at her above. Concern written all over her. Her gut feeling screaming this isn't a good idea....But Lucy is hell bent on it.

This run had me holding my friggin breath. Tim would’ve lost his damn mind had he seen this. Not only that he would’ve ripped them a new one to letting her attempt it. When she got hit first time watched it I screamed. Held my breath until she got back up. Angela and Harper’s horrified faces mirrored my own. Couldn’t breathe till she popped back up. It was the most reckless risk she could've taken.

She is very very lucky her radio took the hit. It saved her damn life after that crazy run of hers. Lucy taking Tim's suggestion of being a big hero a little too literally. Honestly would’ve loved to have seen Tim tear them up for letting her do this... Reckless doesn’t seem strong enough of a word with this action. This decision of hers is a culmination of an episode long isolation. Of letting her emotions run the show and she took a risk that could've killed her. All to proof she could do it.

She had definitely given into those voices in her head telling her she’s not enough. Telling her she needs to prove herself or no one will ever think she’s worthy of moving up. To show she doesn't belong on patrol anymore. If she had just told her support system and really Tim how she was feeling. She wouldn’t have been this damn hasty. Lucy wasn’t thinking about what would happen if her radio didn’t catch that bullet. How utterly wrecked Tim would be if she had been hurt or even worse killed.

The problem being she kept all these emotions and struggles to herself. Which clouded her judgement. Her brain wasn't thinking in this capacity. This moment showing the continued communication problems in their relationship. How her decision could've really affected Tim. She wasn't thinking that in the moment though. Their communication issues go both ways with them. When they’re feeling emotionally distraught or vulnerable they isolate and take their problem on themselves.

Which results in foolish and hasty decisions. I.e. this moment above. And in next 2 eps with Tim...Something they gotta work on either before they’re back together or in the early repairing of their relationship. We get to see her KIA radio once she is clear. It very much saved her life and is now useless to her. I do love how she communicates with them before she pursues Jeff. Harper commending her on being smart in this moment. I mean they're in it now. So every move she makes from here on out has to be smart.

Lucy catches Jeff in the alleyway just like she wanted. Unfortunately he doesn’t look like he is interested in surrendering. Melissa crushes this scene oh my lord. The shaky way her voice breaks when she tells him to stop. To put his weapon down. Trying so hard to prevent a deadly outcome. I’m getting 5x19 flashbacks for her in this moment. Lucy dealing with the same issue Tim had. A person willing to die instead of give up. Despite them wanting to concede.

Lucy is basically pleading with this man to give up. She doesn’t want to shoot him. Doesn’t want it to end this way. Lucy is an empath as we all know. So her shooting him right or not she is going to carry it on her soul regardless. It’ll be a stain on it because she would’ve done anything to avoid this.

Lucy is on the verge of tears when she calls out Code 4. That the shooter is down. Ugh my heart. Adrenaline from end to end with this moment. Having it finish with a bang made my stomach sink for her. We watch how it affected Harper in 6x01 and she’s seasoned. How it affected Tim in 5x19. It’s never anything I wanna see our characters go through. Felt like I couldn’t catch my breath even after he was done. Such a good scene though.

Then comes the best part of the episode. Tim storming in like the worried husband he is. He has her work bag and I wanna cry. He has a death grip on it as he searches for the desk. I just love that he made sure to grab her bag before rushing off to the hospital. Man is on a mission to find her. Nothing matters to him but her in this moment. It’s the way he goes to the desk and they direct him to her immediately. He thanks the nurse with his tap to the counter.

I can’t imagine how he was when he first got the news. The look of sheer worry painted across his face when he steps foot into that hospital. Worried Tim is everything and Eric conveyed so much in these first two gifs. The first one is all concern and anxiety. He can’t breathe until he has laid eyes on his girl. The second one is relief in finding her. Tim completely by passes the gaggle of people outside of her room.

Doesn’t check in with them or see what happened at the scene. All that matters to him is getting to her. It’s the way he stops before he enters in. Taking a beat for the first time since he arrived. Then steeling some resolve knowing he needs it be her rock in this moment. Once he does this he steps into her room. Checking in and asking her if she’s hurt? He’s so gentle and soft like we all expect at this point with him. Doesn't take his eyes off her for one second as he sets her bag down.

Per usual the music department be killing it out here with the song selection. The soothing guitar and the singers soft voice are the perfect backdrop to this scene. His voice is as tender and comforting as Tim's tone through out the scene. Once again Melissa and Eric are the epitome of chemistry. Their amazing acting chops shining through in this moment. Melissa got me crying and all in my feels. Once Tim knows she’s physically ok it’s time to take care of her emotionally. The hand to her hair has me reeling. The way he strokes her head it’s so intimate and gentle.

Telling her she didn’t have to take his suggestion so literally. My heart. It’s all ‘hands hands hands’ from here on out. Like I said in 6x02 their physical chemistry forever floors me. It’s also just so damn sweet. Like he has to be touching her in order to know she’s ok. To reassure himself that she’s actually sitting in front of him right now. Saw a great tag said whenever we get hands like this makes them feral. How I felt about this entire scene.

So many wonderful facets to fangirl about and be feral over tbh. The man can’t stop touching her and I’m here for it. From the moment he was allowed to he was off to the races. Makes my heart so happy. He’s so tactile with her. It makes me wanna scream into a pillow. Touch is one of his languages with her but also their love language as well. It shows constantly. Honestly getting this soft scene after that adrenaline fest was much needed. That whole shooting scene had my blood pressure up.

I’m just bawling for Lucy after this. We get to see all she's been holding in. How incredibly upset she is about this whole situation. It's here with Tim comforting her she finally lets her walls down. Because her protector is there. He is there to pick up her broken pieces and put her back together. I know that feeling. Where you've been keeping it together. Then your person comes and asks if you're ok? And you realize how much you're not and the floodgates open.

That's Lucy in this scene. With tears in her eyes she tells him she doesn’t feel like a hero. Tim’s hand hasn’t left her at all btw. They both need this touch to ground them right now. I love how he rubs his thumb up and down her shoulder. Comforting her while she tells him her worst fear. The one thing that's been weighing on her soul since she released that shot in the alley. That she killed Jeff Budney. Asking Tim what if she killed him?

Tim crushing it with the comforting and being calm in his reply. So certain that no matter the outcome it’ll be ok. Why you ask? Because they’re going to deal with it together. The ‘Then we’ll deal with it.’ is EVERYTHING she needs to hear right now. Because yeah it’s bleak right now. But Tim wants to make sure she knows she isn’t alone. That he is there and no matter if he makes it or not he’s by her side. These are the exact reassurances she needs in this moment.

Lucy’s reaction has me crying some more. It’s the stifled cry when he tells her this. The sad shake of her head. Killing me softly. She couldn’t face the possibility of Budney dying. Not until her person showed up. Her fierce protector and love of her life standing by her side. Letting her know it’s ok. Even if it’s not it will be because they’ll face it together. Gah getting emotionally writing this up. This scene was primo on so many levels. *chef kiss.*

It’s here Grey and Wes enter the room. They let our lovely couple know he made it through surgery. Thank you Lord. The relief that floods Lucy is immense. I love how she looks at Tim and shakes her head. Needing his grounding stare as she takes in this news. Making sure it's real. Wes is quite the downer when he tells her for now. That if he dies later the investigation has to resume. The look on Grey’s face like WTF man…Let her have the win.

We see protective Tim step in after this. Asking if she can do her statement tomorrow? All he wants to do at this point is get her away from this hospital. From Jeff Budney and prying eyes. Wade is super sweet and turns on his dad mode and says that’s fine. Tries to get her to look and meet his fatherly gaze. She is too out of it to notice his kind look. All the more reason Tim needs to get her the hell out of this place.

Tim breaks her out of her revere with his touch as she watches them depart. I’m squeeing at the way he squeezes her collarbone, then soothes it with his thumb, before he moves his hand to the back of her neck. All the affectionate touches and very tender comforting has me ship drunk. His hand didn’t leave her for ninety percent of this scene. *happy sigh* He’s trying so hard to keep her there with him. To let her know he’s there and hasn’t left.

It’s the soft way he tells her ‘Let’s go home.’ also has me squeeing. Her home is now his home and I’m bawling. Like I said earlier all he wants to do is take her home and continue the comfort. Knowing the last place she needs to be is here. It’s the sweet smile on his face as he beckons her off the bed. Gah what a good man. Took care of her heart and soul in this moment.

Lucy doesn’t make it far before she is collapsing into his arms. Truly letting her walls down in full. Relaxing for the first time and melting completely against him. It’s the way she folds into his arms so easily. How he has her wrapped up in them immediately. Shielding her from the rest of the hospital. From this situation. One hand in her hair cradling her gently to his chest. How he is softly cupping the back of her head. The other wrapped around her nice and tight. Cocooning her in his embrace. His eyes shutting the minute he can feel her safely in his arms.

Tim breathing for the first time since he entered this room. All the while giving her the comfort zone of being in his arms. Gah it’s the slight sway that goes along with it that has me swooning. Rocking her in his arms sweetly. Trying to give her the solace she had been craving since that alleyway. Lucy hiding her face happily in his chest as he does this. Her hand placed on his chest as well has me happily sighing. No one does hugs quite like our couple does. The emotions they evoke out of me is unreal. They are top tier goodness.

To make the hug even sweeter we get a kiss to the head. The way Lucy wraps her arms around his back fully as he does this. Grounding her further as he takes care of her. They continue their lovely swaying as Tim places his cheek on her head. Resting it there lovingly. There’s a reason I kept this hug as my banner. Not that I don’t love the elevator hug in 6x09. I love it so much and will gush when we get there. But this hug ranks up there as top ones for me. Why you ask?

This hug just exemplifies how they provide comfort for each other. How physical touch is one of their primary love languages. They are each other's sanctuary. A happy and safe place amid the darkness their job brings. Coupled with the song playing in the background, the moment becomes even more glorious. It’s a beautiful scene made even more poignant by the this loving embrace.

I'm still not over how beautiful this scene is. You can see the stress and anxiety just drain out of Lucy. From the moment she is in his arms she is at peace. The same for Tim with pulling her into his arms. They both needed this hug so much. The continuity of the head kisses I’m here for as well. Gimme that all day long. In every future hug. I remember thinking as the shot panned out what would she have done without Tim in this moment? Without his wonderfully soothing comfort? Ugh what makes the next set of episode a gut punch that I still haven’t recovered from…

Thanks as always to my amazing readers who like, comment or reblog these reviews. Means the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x05 :)

~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

I love Aaron going out with Tim for his first day. Going over the T.RA.I.N yummy T.O Tim in a Metro outfit. I will take that at every chance I can get it. If I had only know this was my last ep with him in that outfit would've appreciated it more 😭 Also this gif was for eye candy. Nothing more nothing less. How I wish to be the chair for which he leans upon in this scene. Metro outfit, badge showing, the way he is deliciously leaning against that chair. *fans self* Doesn't hurt Aaron is hilarious in his quest to please Tim LOL

We watch Nolan continue to be a terrible T.O. He lets Celina say a huge no no over the radio smh

Something else wanted to touch on for the Lucy having no support system. What happened with Jeff Budney is the direct result of not relying on said support system. I'm not blaming her. I have been her. Just want to make that very clear. But the gaggle of people outside her room worried about her is that system. Waiting to see what happens to her etc Everyone was worried about her and for her.

Other than Tim she does have it but as we know this season is super rough on her. So that is hard to see. Especially with losing her main pillar of that system in Tim. Which causes her to retreat even farther inside, but that’s for future eps to delve into. I remember D had this great post about how Lucy has been isolating for years. We were just finally seeing the result of that. Very true.

I mean only person she's really let in other than Jackson is Tim. That's it folks. Because she too has walls. She has Tamara but it's not the same as what she has with Tim. Once again hoping s7 resolves this isolation and her career path in the process. I'll be ok with her being put through it if we can have a good conclusion to go along with it.

Lastly the song running through the final scene is ‘Let it all go’ the lighthouse and the whaler. Such a good song.

[storiesofsvu]

Thursday Funday!

IM SO FUCKING READY. Sometimes I do wish that rita appearances weren’t like.. advertised. I really do want an episode where I am fully not prepared and she just waltzes on screen with no warning. Like.. I’d die…

Okay, what a cold opening that was, creepy and obsessive and I like it.

“just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should.” Accurate.

I both like and hate the way AI is brought into shows now, like it’s being showcased as something that’s not great most of the time but it’s also just scary the shit they come up with that it does/can do and that stresses me out man. Its fucking terrible.

Jfc the height difference between shaw & the lieutenant LOL she so smol.

Why does olivia always look SO much better on the OTHER law and order shows except for her own.. like… cmon guys, do better

Okay the last time a captain used a rape kit dna to find a perp olivia SCREAMED in her face LOL.  But also yes this is a VERY big issue that will make victims not move forward or get kits done. But also WHY isn’t there a SEPARATE and PRIVATE database for rape kits to be a part of??!!

FUCK

(yes rita just showed up)

Oh she is BACK baby. Oh god… this is giving me theories and so many ideas of not only the gap in time that she’s been on the show (aka in court) and the drastic different physical appearance. Oh man. Oh fuck. This is gonna be my only thought all fucking weekend. Why must I go to work?!

Oh sweet jesus fuck. The delivery of the line “someone who has been *raped* before” from rita made me feel things deep in my soul (and they are things that only confirm/further my thoughts, woof) (not to mention further comments from olivia, oh god there is SO MUCH SUBTEXT HERE!) (gifs & my theories to come later this weekend!!)

We are SO BACK.

LIKE, the little quips, the head tilts, eyebrow raises, ugh YES. The acting/characterization is exactly how it should be and SPOT on.  First suit was meh, second suit was fucking fire (and pretty similar to one of the ones she wore in 25 acts). I don’t want this to be over. PLS let her come back more often.

Also this episode is honestly super good plot and writing and pacing wise so I’m here for it.

I honestly REALLY do enjoy that mothership is basically Nolan getting a strip torn off of him by women he works with every week LOL

Olivia PLEASE. If it was casey who’d gotten that guilty verdict you would’ve come in screaming. Nolan deserves it.

Rita’s suits are giving very presidential and I am here for it.

Tbh I really hoped the girl would get off but I was also very certain that wasn’t going to happen.

Why is it over already? I need more. I need so much more LOL.

Svu time…

Guys for a solid hour there I fully forgot Velasco existed. Like.. Joe who? I only know Ms Calhoun.

I’m like.. 99% sure he’s not gonna be in tonights ep LOL. Who ever would have thought of a day where I was more into OG than SVU lol

Not just a judge but a *federal* judge. Well fuck.

OP! there he is!

Yeah this is one of those super fucked up situations. I lowkey called it from the start when she said “why do you remember more about my childhood than I do?” esp when she’s the younger sister. Trauma= memory loss.

Not me sitting here going “man I really wish there was more cop/investigation in this episode” cause like, I am lowkey bored and wanted more Velasco and kate content. When 97% of the time I’m yelling “MORE COURTROOM” lolololol. This was Scanavino’s time to shine.

Bruno looking fine af though

God this shit is so fucked up.

Shoutout to peter for killin in this episode. Glad they finally gave him something to work with.

I WILL say that I do miss the courtroom sass, from ALL the lawyers. Like, a lot of people focus in on Barba being the sassy one but like, literally all the ada’s have the same if not more sass. Ms Alex “you can have a toothbrush” Cabot. Ms Casey “you’ve just got funky sperm” Novak. Do I even need to quote something from SONYA?? (ugh man I miss her, maybe I’ll watch some old svu after this…) And I’m not saying Carisi lacks this, cause he’s got it, especially in the older seasons when he was a cop. The writing is just lacking nowadays. Give them more personality PLEASE.

VERY heavy Olivia focus tonight, especially between both shows.

Still feels weird to have 4 hours of l&o cut down to only 2. Like.. what am I supposed to do now with the rest of my evening? It’s only 8? I’m just gonna sit  here in silence and fixate about rita for 9458504540549i4923 hours…

[angelmichelangelo]

I hate how tmnt will only ever give Mikey development in the comics like he has phased out into a background character at this point who is barley relevant in fact the only reason they add him is because he's part of a package deal and it would be hard to get rid of him even though it's become obvious they don't want Mikey a part of the series what so ever so they do everything in their power to make him as less relevant as they can. Also isn't it suspicious how when any big Mikey projects are in production of being made they suddenly get cancelled.? there was supposed to be a foot solider Mikey movie that got cancelled and the last Ronin was actually in production of being Mikey since the 90s there was another Mikey centric movie were his bros and sensei reverted back to turtles but guess what it got cancelled anything Mikey related that's important either gets \cancelled or thrown into the comics also rise actually had multiple Mikey centric eps on hand but the show got cancelled like it's honestly starting to get annoying let my boy live.

oh yeah, it’s definitely an unfortunate cycle of mikey being cut for time in almost any iteration outside of the comics. i think whilst a lot of people are familiar with all the ninja turtles outside of the realm of fandom, mikey is pretty much “the face man” of the franchise. he’s the one that most kids grew up having as their favourite. he’s gonna be front and center on lunchboxes and kiddie pyjamas. i think in that sense he’s pretty safe from ever being killed off or chopped from the actual franchise itself (plus if they ever did that permanently to any of the turtles, it would cause pretty big uproar) but it means as a result, he’s taken less seriously

i think it just unfortunately falls under the fact that whatever show/movie you’re watching, it quickly becomes apparent what turtle was the favourite of the writers and directors. pretty sure i’ve mentioned this before but the 2003 writers openly expressed how much they enjoyed leo + donnie as characters. you watch the 2003 series and that’s really plainly obvious. it’s not a bad thing, but again, every writer does it. heck, i do it. i write more mikey centric fics than i do, say, donnie, because it’s just more fun that way. a character will ultimately have to suffer at the hands of a writers bias, and sadly it’s always mikey that ends up suffering. just not in the way we want him to lol

that being said it gives me a little hope for the mutant mayhem series and sequel since seth rogan has voiced his favourite being mikey multiple times. i don’t think mutant mayhem solely focused on any one turtle, which i enjoyed, but going into future mediums for that branch of the franchise, i’m keeping my hopes high that he does just something with mikey. the potential is there. i would love to see what he does with it

but yeah. looking back, poor mike gets the short end of the stick. it’s funny, whenever i go back and do a 2012 rewatch, i get about halfway through the space arc and start to feel my enthusiasm dwindle, mostly because “journey to the centre of mikey’s mind” is like. the LAST mikey centric episode of the entire rest of the series (granted he has cool moments in later eps and isn’t totally under-utilised) but if you want an ep that’s just for him, it sadly ends right there.

same with 2003. i adore 2003 mikey but he doesn’t have a whole lot of episode focused on him. i was surprised going into rise that, even though it was considerably shorter than other shows, he still managed to have just a sparing amount of focused episodes on him alone. and then when looking into the deleted episodes, it didn’t really come as a big shock to me that a lot of those deleted episodes were mikey episodes (man i would have really really loved to have seen the robo pet one!!)

it’s also pretty consistent that whatever show or movie, the writers often talk about a plot where mikey’s brothers either end up de-mutated or de-aged and mike has to be the one to save them. kinda funny because it’s like: here’s this opportunity to have mikey really prove himself as more than capable and not just a goof — and yet, multiple times now that idea has been cut and he hasn’t had his chance to prove himself that way

i’m a mikey fan. i love all the turtles the same but i definitely am a mikey fan through and through. of course i’m gonna want a mikey centric plot and arc and all this. i know the chances of ever getting it are very slim but. yknow. i have the last ronin at least…… *sobs*

ANYWAY THAT GOT LONG i hope i didn’t sound like i was coming off like a real curmudgeon there i do still love what mikey we have been given in the last. 40 odd years.. but JUSTICE FOR MIKEY!!! he needs to be given his flowers. someone put him through the emotional meat grinder or i will <3

thanks for this ask anon!!

[luckyqueenreign]

LITG: Double Trouble EP 11 Recap

here we go...

*spoilers under the cut*

everyone is talking about who MC is going to choose...I will say normally I love a super confident pixel but Roberto just gave me the ick so bad with this overconfidence.

YAYYYY challenge time!!! im actually excited about this one!! GUYS the placement of these cowboy hats on the girls OMG it's so bad. oooop!! not Grace flirting with Ryan where Ozzy could see!! Girly ur relationship is already on thin ice!! EEK I chose the "you dont sound too secure with Ozzy" option and she said "youre right, I guess I dont feel that solid with him right now....kinda feels like he might still be open to other options." and then she glances at MC...😬😩 UH OH shes gonna give a test in the challenge...girlyyyy. skefoisjefjwaenfajw SINCE WHEN AM I BLONDE?????? lolol omg look I get that the art team prob couldnt draw the hat for EVERY hair option but they couldnt at least match the color ??????? also I hate that in challenges MC is the only one who wears a diff outfit. why cant they just make us have a special one but give the girls outfits too??

DEAD at Roberto not having any rhythm and Lewie not having any coordination in the obstacle portion. EEK time for Grace to test Ozzy 🫣 I meannnnn.....Lewie lol? why not Ryan who she actually just flirted with in front of Ozzy and who was grafting her AND is also single. lowkey feels like shes not only trying to teach Ozzy a lesson but us too 👀

OZZYS TURN 🥰 not Ozzy dominating on the bull and his dance moves AND choosing MC. ksaidsiodisjdfies OBVI snogged Ozzy's face off even though I def didnt kiss the other boys 😬 MC is obvi going out and showing out as she she should 💅🏼 anddddd u guys already know who I chose. Grace im sorry babes! Also sorry Roberto and Lewie! OOP Ozzy whispering that after our moment on the terrace he hoped we'd pick him. ok the constant interruptions from Grace...I get them...and I actually do like they added this in but im gonna need a little less to make me feel less guilty about what im about to do 😬. "IT SEEMS LIKE YOURE COMPLETELY ALONE" fb u really want me to fall in love with this pixel man dont you??? 🫣🫣 Grace saying that was low😐 im sorry for Grace that I made my mc be in her villain era bc im def choosing the diamond scene and going to do it all over again with Ozzy. SCREAMING not us landing perfectly on top of him after falling off the bull and then KISSING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. MC IS A MENACE.

time for a girl chat 😬 damn Amelia saying MC always had the big moves and looking sad...yeahh thats def gonna come back up. LOLOL not Ryan pulling a Rocco and chatting with all the girls. ACK GRACE!!! "its not only the boys im struggling to trust" I love that theres more nuance here and fb actually gave her some personality here. Grace has EVERY reason to be fuming at not only Ozzy but also MC. ok wait..... "but when he cracks a joke you're the person he looks at to see if you laugh." STAHP IT PLS!!! not grace fishing for an apology! im so confused Grace has sat here with us and explained how its so clear Ozzy has feelings for MC and then when she asks if she needs to worry if you say yes. she's still like are you sure??? why did fb not make this consistent with everything else she just said!!

Ryan encouraging Roberto to shoot his shot with MC to free up Amelia is such an EL OH EL moment. like sir u have spoken two words to the girl and you've been grafting literally every girl in the villa outside of MC all day!! pack your bags Ryan!

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

My internet provider was straight up playing me before because it took 3 hours to download the ep last week and with the new internet, 20 minutes this week, so anyway I took random notes while watching and just gonna post a couple of them in one hit before scrolling my dash:

1. “Anybody can get a guy to bang them once.” Oh, can they, Dennis? Can they?? Sounds like a man speaking from experience, huh.

2. Jack to Charlie regarding “play dates” together and him saying “You don’t remember,” oh that hurts my heart, Charlie having to repress memories of him. And then the extra creep factor with the fucking ice cream truck, good lord, I’m starting to think Jack murder is more and more possible this season.

3. “Don’t mind my friend, he’s schizophrenic.” “I am, yeah.” I know it’s like a joke here, but I like schizotypal Charlie headcanon so I choose to see this as a win. (Spider in my ear vibes though <3)

4. Dee and Mac asking “why” and “how come” Dennis has a system to get men and him shhing them, oh yeah it’s all coming together, he’s used this system fr, and the truth and something else is gonna come out, baby.

5. Love The Waitress is Getting Married vibes from Dennis helping Mac and Dee on their dates the way they tried to help Charlie.

6. Girl, how did Dennis get that bottle open over that guy, this man lives off of beer and air, he’s a weak, frail Victorian maiden who would absolutely get Mac to open jars in their apartment constantly.

7. MOMMY ISSUES DENNIS REAL. Okay so we’re all in agreement we’re gonna transport Den “back to a time when he was a snot nosed little bitch who depended on the most important person in his life for absolutely everything, the person who inflated his ego, who made him feel powerful but also powerless, the person whose validation he’s been seeking his entire life.” I’m SCREAMING. “The way to make a guy fall in love with you is to make him feel like you are his mommy.” GIRL, WHAT THE FUCK, Freud would like a word, I could write a whole essay on this scene alone, but I’m sure someone else already has, but oh my god they’re bringing up how Barbara’s influence really messed with him, inflating his ego, making him the golden child and holding him up to these perfect standards, but he’s trying to maintain that perfection even after she’s gone and realizing he can’t, making him powerless. He just wants the illusion of power! he doesn’t want to have to work for it this much. Head buzzing with incoherent thoughts but there are thoughts here I may come back to just aaahh.

8. On another note, I really liked their acting in this one, especially the S.I.N.N.E.D. scene, their deliveries were all great, they seemed to be having fun and it was sooo cute.

9. A boy in love with Johnny so he can’t be with anyone else, but Dennis is Johnny, Dennis catfish real, Dennis controlling anal beads real, what fever dream is this fucking episode, a boy in love with Johnny, Johnny dennis Dennis Johnny, I’m losing my mind.

10. “I’m Dennis, I’ve always been Dennis” and Ireland’s “You’re you, you’ve always been you” parallels and Mac’s need for solid and clear labels of identity, but Dennis’ continually vague notion of his own self, and Mac remaining completely clueless this whole season, not seeing what’s right in front of him, the blowing jokes, Dennis and his system for men, Dennis is Johnny, while Dennis is starting to realize maybe what he wants and continuously gets more aware, and it leads to mental health day, aaah idk!! So much!

11. I love how everyone was deep dive analyzing the Frank Dennis scene and it was just him telling him he got anal beads in his ass 😭

12. The chess opponent looks a lil like Donald to me.

13. Full ass blast 😭 I hate how this show makes me insane regardless of that.

[bengiyo]

Happy Ending Romance Eps 7 & 8 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Unfortunately, I lost the first version of this post after episode 7 ended. I'll do a quick scroll through that episode and rebuild some of my thoughts, but it's a loss.

Episode 7

I was really looking forward to this quartet working together, but Wu Ju has been turned.

This seating arrangement with the two sofas and armchair shows up a lot in Kdrama. Can someone explain why they're always arranged this way in offices?

We had two different "please take good care of me" exchanges, and only one of them felt genuine.

Han Tae Young is remarkably earnest, and I liked the spit it out scene.

Editor Yeong Seon is honestly fantastic. Telling someone you want them to be miserable takes a level of offense I respect.

All successful writers do is attend meetings. Jung Hyun's never writing.

I really like this first kiss. I like that Han Tae Young asked to kiss him after weeks of professing his love. They haven't beaten the TMS guys, but it was nice.

Another goddamn meeting.

I expected the reveal that Jung Woo was ghostwriting, but the reveal that it's what he outed that other writer for makes me wonder what the point was of going public in the first place.

I think Jung Hyun means it when he says he wants to protect Jung Woo, bit I think it inevitably infantilizes Jung Woo. He's never required to face anything, and still they both suffer.

I like the use of a bridge for a sad moment for Jung Woo. He can't go back now that everything is in the open.

Love that Han Tae Young was only worried that Jung Woo had left him again. We even get a pretty decent second kiss.

Episode 8

I really like the arty bed scene. There's been a lot of angst and long-term pining hanging over this, so this works. I also like it because this doesn't feel like a first-time-with-another-man experience for either of them.

For all that Kim Jung Hyun irritates me, Leo has done a great job embodying this character.

I can't believe a writer left his computer unsecured.

I feel for Yeong Seon. She keeps getting caught in all this drama.

I have enjoyed how when Korea does a love triangle, it's complicated by the different ways people love the same person and whether that might be best for the parties involved.

I'm wondering now if the professor figured out they were ghostwriting and blackmailed Jung Hyun.

It's a unique feeling of relief to see Kim Jung Hyun let go and team up with Han Tae Young. Now we've got a full party.

Oh, the professor didn't know.

There's a lot happening in this spiral just for Cha Jung Woo to end up back at Literature Square again.

The smash cut from the dour party to Jung Woo yelling was well done.

Hey, this non-fight is really good. Karam has done a solid job with a rather subdued character in Jung Woo. He's stepped up his expressiveness at this point and it works so well.

I loved this framing with the bus stop to place Jung Hyun on the outside.

Of course Jung Woo isn't going to let someone else sacrifice himself at this point.

Leo is good. I felt sympathy for Jung Hyun's relief that something he wrote on his own strength was good. I'm even glad he reconciled with Yeong Seon.

Man, I like that they let us know that the book worked out, and I like seeing Jung Hyun agreeing to work with Tae Young. This joke flirting between all of them at the end is a lovely touch.

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended. I think there are some shaky bits early on; I wasn't sure what I wanted to care about. Still, I like the ideas in this about the need to face pain and fear, and how trying to protect people from any disappointment can sometimes make things worse. I also enjoyed a lot of the dynamics, though I felt some emotional hand offs were missing. I will say I found a lot of the cross-cutting between scenes to be a bit distracting, and sometimes made it hard to focus.

[tears-of-boredom]

watching deadly class and god damn thats an identical white boy. just like the other ones. this one gets beaten to a bloody mess more often though. and Saya's name is really god damn close to mine and one time someone pronounced it a bit weird and i got a bit surprised.

tbh im on ep 7 and im kinda losing interest in the plot. ill watch for the bloody dudes though. but this series is definetly not helping me with my temptation for smoking.

yeah im ten minutes into this episode and its really fucking boring. i mean like the villains hot and all but i like do not care for these people enough for this. im just honestly waiting until eveyone gets all bloody again. tbh i was readying myself for boring teen shit cuz of stuff ive seen from the fandom, but i guess i was preparing for the wrong kind of boring lol. i mean uhh marco?? what the fucks even the main guys name lmaooo. im really hoping he dies in a bloody mess cuz the breed of white guy he is looks really good when literally on the brink of death and covered in blood.

anyways yeah im giving up at uhh 27:16 of episode seven. and spoilers sorry but so im watching this on some website for free and i think episode 5 was somehow cut short, because i did not see like chico dying. like any of that scene. i just had to piece everything together from the "previously on deadly class" half minute of episode 6. it doesnt really matter anyways but its kinda funny. also in the pilot when marco tried to kill himself im pretty sure i thought "do it you pussy" and i laughed about that for a solid minute. and at another point i think it was something,, basically just an intrusive thought came related to the scene i was watching, and i laughed about that as well for some time because it was like a horrible thing to think if i actually meant it. shame i dont remember it cuz i bet it was real funny. oh and i was also thinking about the like villain dude, chester i think? i was thinking whether or not the burn scar was prosthetic and im gonna look it up now.

aw man it is prosthethic. idk what i was hoping for tbh, i was just thinking that itd probably be easier to just get an actor that has a burn scar than do all that make up, espec since all the flash backs back to when he doesnt have them are animated, so you wouldnt have like that problem either.

but hey, at least now i know the vibe and basic premise of this show so i can read any fics i happen to stumble upon. that is literally like, top 5 reasons im watching all this shit: so i can read more fics and make sure that im not missing out on shit. thats why i thought this was gonna a be a bit more of a light show, cuz all the fandom shit seemed to be just teens, but its not like im that surprised that teenagers are writing fics about mentally ill trained killers like come on. thats like peak YA shit. also i kinda disliked marco at the beginning cuz he was talking a bit too harshly about "the scizos", but then he had that communist awakening and i kinda like him now. oh and you can call me a snowflake all you want but the word " the r word gets thrown around a bit too lightly for my taste. not rape, the other one.

oh actually i think the intrusive thought i had was something about viktor being gay or something. like way before marco said it. and im really trying to stop calling people gay for looking a bit too hard at someone. or maybe it wasnt that cuz i think viktor was saying some shit about sucking dick and if thats true then i had the full right to call his ass gay in my thoughts.

and before i go,, i fucking love billy. lord knows if i was in that school i would be so fucking whipped for that boy like oh my god. id def be a rat too. and im gonna stop here before i create a deadly class self-insert oc in my head cuz i really dont like this series that much. but billy is so fucking, uhhhh,,,,, well i was gonna say hot cuz thats like the word i use for attractive people usually, but i honestly wouldnt really call him hot.....ummm i mean id say cute if it didnt sound so patronising and infantalising......okay whatever he's attractive and honestly id call him hot if i even got eye contact form him back so...no actually i think just being in his vicinity would be enough....yeah my standards are like so low to the ground, you could manipulate me so fucking easily cuz my nerves would be too shot out the whole time to even register anything. and afterwards id be thinking "no im so aware of myself id know if i was being manipulated". also i already dont trust myself so you could gaslight me real easy as well. i mean id probably kill you if you went too hard with it cuz sometimes i get a bit in my head when frustrated, but honestly my weak ass would be brought down with the promise of like,, a hug. i am really fucking starved of attention and tenderness and literally everything that parents are supposed to give you and i dont have the strength to be in denial about that. i literally started crying when my sister shared an experience with me that i fully related to.

LMAO WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS POST TURN INTO IM SORRY ITS LITERALLY 5:05AM AND WATCHING MOVIES AND SHIT ALWAYS PUTS ME IN A MOOD. well,, i was gonna tag this as "i experienced media" but after this fucking text wall of rambling on i dont think it fits that anymore.

[televinita]

What I Watched in 2022 (TV)

I was going to fill out a survey about my TV-watching habits, but then I realized...I have a seive-like brain (now more than ever, considering that I watch things almost exclusively on streaming services and have little to no idea what is even currently airing on television), and my time would be better served just organizing the list I more-or-less kept track of throughout the year and trying to make some sense of it.

En...joy?

Current Scripted Shows (2021-22 and/or ‘22-23 season):

Abbott Elementary

Alaska Daily

Blood & Treasure

Ghosts (US version)

Pretty Smart

Severance

Sweet Magnolias

United States of Al

(I’ve got literally 4 ships across all of these shows, plus Densi on the side from NCIS: LA even though I’m not watching it. god. no wonder I feel so parched and/or go so off the rails when I stumble into a good romantic movie these days. or even just a movie with a solid romance in it.)

Current Reality/Game Shows:

The Amazing Race: Season 33 & 34 (but also: on Hulu I binged 23, 25-29, and a rewatch of 31)

Beyond the Edge

The Chase

The Floor is Lava

Jeopardy: the College Tournament of Champions & however much has aired so far of the Celebrity Tournament of Champions

Survivor

The Weakest Link (w/ Jane Lynch)

(WHY AM I THIS ADDICTED TO REALITY AND GAME SHOWS. How old am I. what year is it.)

Older Shows:

Alone (History channel): season 8/Chilko Lake

Bedlam (something British... SkyTV?): season 1

The Chair (Netflix miniseries)

The Circle (Netflix): season 1 & 2

Deadwater Fell (Acorn)

Enlisted (FOX)

The Exes (TV Land)

Fuller House: 1x01-06 (then I got too overwhelmed with joy and needed to save it)

Hit the Floor (VH1): season 1 & 2

Keep Breathing (Netflix miniseries)

Maid (Netflix)

Mythic Quest (AppleTV): 1x02, 1x08-2x04 w/ husband

Ultimate Beastmaster: season 3

Valor (CW)

Rewatches:

Blood and Treasure: season 1

Revolution: 2x13-22

The Office: 8x07-24

Siberia

Ally McBeal: Josh Groban's 2 episodes (which I forgot to post about, dangit)

Community (I lost count because I’m jumping around the series and rarely see more than 2 or 3 in chronological order, but I’ve definitely seen at least 50 of them for the umpteenth time)

Random rewatch episodes in syndication/Netflix:

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team

Sabrina the Teenage Witch (just 2, but so fun that night)

Wheel of Fortune

King of Queens

Seinfeld

Bonus: One or Two Episode Wonders

(with 1 or 2 exceptions, there was nothing wrong with these shows, I just was like "wow this is good!" and then was too overwhelmed or unable to return)

American Housewife: 1x01-02 (still saved for when I need a comfort-food sitcom)

The Big Leap: 1x01 (I definitely MEANT and WANTED to continue, I was just never Ready)

Camp Snowflake: 1x01 (this one I bailed on purpose; it was awful.)

The I-Land: 1x01 (why does this look so good yet move so slowly and boringly)

The Last Cowboy: 1x01-02 (caught on TV; wish I could have watched more! a reality show about reining horses and their riders? DUDE. unfortunately I could only find this on live TV)

Mr. Mayor: 1x01-02 (Holly Hunter was truly That Repellent huh)

NCIS: LA: 13x08 (oh, wow, I meant to watch at least a couple more highlight eps...but really, I am now a shippy-gifsets-only kind of girl)

Redneck Island: 3x02-03; 1x02-09 (bless you late night syndication and insomnia lmao)

The Terminal List: 1x01 (I really did mean to continue, but then Matt Barr knocked Chris Pratt Owen Grady off the top of Handsome Mountain so now we're waiting until I am back in the groove of finding this man attractive under the right circumstances)

Conclusions:

Favorite show of the year is hands-down bar-none Blood & Treasure, but Abbot Elementary is a close second. The best reality show this year is definitely The Amazing Race. And among the older shows, Maid is fantastic and very much worth your time/my leading favorite among them.

Best comfort-food sitcoms: Ghosts, United States of Al, Family Reunion, Enlisted and The Exes are all a warm delight.

Also, doesn’t qualify as a comfort-food one but Mythic Quest is surprisingly entertaining, for someone who’s never played a MMORPG in her life and whose last video game attempts were done on a PS2. I just hate the language (and Ian).

And all of the rewatches, obviously, sheer perfection. *chef’s kiss*

[petals42]

rest

I guess I write sambucky now?? short fic, set post-season 1 (though written before ep 6 airs), established relationship

It’s five months after New York, almost three months after they started being… them when Sam walks into his bedroom to see Bucky sitting on his bed, shirtless. And armless. It’s sitting on the bedside table next to him. He’s tense and almost glaring at it. 

“Is something wrong?” Sam says, stepping into the room fully and closing the door. “Is it broken?” Instinctively, he looks around. The last time he had seen Bucky without the arm, it was because the Dora Milaje had disabled it somehow and Sam has no doubt that they could get into this house if they wanted to. They could get into any house if they wanted to.

“No,” Bucky says. “No, it’s just-- it’s heavy, you know? I thought it might be nice to-” he waves at it, lying there, inert on the table. “If that’s okay with you.” He is not looking quite at Sam, but just off to the side like he’s waiting for an order. 

“Oh,” Sam says, surprised. He’d never thought about it like that. He figured with all the fancy technology and Bucky’s super strength... “Well--” 

“I can put it back on,” Bucky interrupts, reaching for it as if Sam’s fraction of hesitation was the answer he expected. “I know I look weird without--” 

“Hey, no, wait,” Sam says and he’s grateful for his training that he’s fast enough he can reach out and grab Bucky’s wrist before Bucky gets a chance to grab the arm. He squats down so they are eye-level. “Wait, that’s not what I was going to say.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, just clenches his jaw as if bracing for bad news. Sam slides his hand up Bucky’s arm to press his hand to Bucky’s cheeks as if he can massage the tension away. 

“You do not look weird without the arm,” Sam says. “You look--” he hesitates. They don’t say words like beautiful or gorgeous in their relationship; it’s still mostly playful banter and laughter and Bucky-Bucky doesn’t like words like that. Sam doesn’t like to think about why Bucky doesn’t like words like that. “You look like yourself, man.” He knows he got it right when he feels Bucky relax under him. 

“Yeah?” Bucky says and he goes for casual but Sam can hear the relief in it. “You sure?”

“Same ugly mug I’ve been stuck with for months,” Sam says, leaning forward to peck Bucky’s forehead before rising to take off his own shirt and pants. From the corner of his eye, he watches Bucky stretch his arm over his head and roll his shoulders back and Sam can admit to himself that his eyes do catch on the lack a few times, the part where Bucky’s shoulder seems to abruptly end instead of shifting into the cool black of metal but he still looks like Bucky. And he does look relaxed, Sam realizes. He hadn’t thought about how much the arm would weigh or what strain that would put on Bucky’s chest or back, but the shield is heavy, he knows. Throwing it around all day is exhausting. He can’t imagine being literally attached to it all day. 

He has to laugh as he finishes brushing his teeth and gets into bed with Bucky still stretching and flexing, twisting around the bed like a contented cat. 

“Dude, you want a back massage or something?” 

“Mm, does it come with a happy ending?” Bucky says, rolling over to smirk at him.

“See, I try to be nice and your mind goes straight to the gutter,” Sam grumbles, like that’s not one of his favorite things about Bucky, the fact that the man is funny and witty and dirty and-- and still basically purring as he stretches again. Honestly, it’s almost enough to make Sam say yes to both ideas. “Jeez, Buck, when’s the last time you took that thing off?” Sam doesn’t remember seeing it off, really, and that’s weird now that he knows Bucky clearly enjoys it so much.

“Mm… it came off for a second in-”

“I know that one,” Sam says. “That doesn’t count. I mean, like this, like really took it off?”

Next to him, Bucky stops stretching. “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “I had it off a lot in Wakanda.”

“Wakanda?” Sam says. “Bucky, that was years ago.” A lot of years if you count the time they were blipped. 

“Yeah, well,” Bucky lifts one shoulder in a rough approximation of a shrug. “It’s… you know, it’s not safe, really. To have it off. If someone were to attack or--” He closes his eyes and stops himself and Sam knows he’s taking a breath and counting to five. Knows cause sometimes he has to do that too. “I figured, here, with you, it’s probably okay to-- we’re probably okay.”

“Um, excuse me,” Sam says, laughing and shoving at Bucky’s shoulder. “Probably? Man, your boyfriend is Captain America, in case you forgot. I am basically a super solider. I am faster than any human alive-- who hasn’t been superserumed, which is cheating by the way. Ain’t nobody gonna mess with this specimen of strength. This bastion of non-toxic masculinity. This--

“Oh my god,” Bucky says, punching him in the stomach. “Shut up.”

“I’m Captain America! I got you!” Sam says, still laughing. “I will protect you like you are the 51st state! Like you are a bald eagle! Like--”

“I’m going to kill you myself if you don’t shut up,” Bucky says. “With only one arm if I have to.”

“Psh, you couldn���t take me with both arms, old man,” Sam says but he settles back and Bucky rolls into his side, draping his arm across Sam’s waist and they are both warm and happy and Bucky feels safe and Sam feels the same way.

[dangeles]

also what do you think of the other new characters? i love them all a lot, i ADORE sadie and that whole speech she gave adam when he was being sooo whiny 2 eps ago. "okay first of all, im straight-" hsgjkgfhj amazing, shes amazing

also i really love oliver and his dynamic with mark? love what those two have going on. mark hiding the damien thing. oliver being a mess about the am thing. theyre great <3

Lengthy The College Tapes blabber incoming!

(spoiler warning, I think?)

[takes deep breath]

I love all the new characters!!!!!!!!!!!

They're all so different and unique, you can tell from their voices and cadence what they are like, and I have this mental image of all of them and I wanna sketch the whole squad so bad!! Sometime soon definitely 🤠 im working on Caleb's design (he's my favourite for obvious reasons, *cough* Briggon Snow *cough*.)

Frankie and Caitlyn???? Adorable and feisty!!! Ben is so sweet, I wanna protect them with my life!!

Adam popping off on his radio show and then sleuthing by himself but freaking out over crows? I love him!!!!!

Right off the bat from the first episode, I felt like Sadie is the singular operative braincell in the whole Yale/BU squad; she's so solid and cool and chill, and wow, I love her! She's really grounded as a person and everytime someone gets all flighty or obtuse, she really puts them in their place. Though, I gotta be honest, at first I was like 'ok but like she's TOO cool, should I be sus????' there have been some micro instances where I was like 'huh okay she sounds a bit... hesitant here?' but that's just me being extra cautious because, you know, after what happened with Helen in The AM Archives?? Good god, you can't be too careful :(

(RIP Owen, you are missed, you poor sweet man.)

Mark and Oliver are downright my favourite duo after Caleb and Adam. I highkey want them to be a Thing™. Please be a Thing™.

Oliver is a RIOT; I love him, he's so funny and it's like he's not even trying?? He's just Oliver and I split my sides laughing at how he navigates conversations with his short attention span. I'm so curious to know about his backstory in detail, trauma and all. I love how he skirts around the horrors he'd faced in Tier5 and puts up a brave nonchalant front (which Mark sees through like it's made of gossamer lmao)

Mark was always a favourite of mine since the Bright Sessions; he's so fun and you know he's a good looking dude, he just radiates it. And the fact he uses humour as a coping mechanism for his trauma?? Poor baby. He's had a lot of baggage and I want to know more about his absurd time with Damien (that was very interesting for both those characters.) Mark is a very compelling character and I could listen to him monologue to himself for hours.

Mark and Oliver, and their dynamic??? Our Comedic Tier5 Trauma Boys??? Oh man, I could listen to a 100 episode spinoff series of just them bickering back and forth domestically, getting into all sorts of Shippen-orchestrated shenanigans, and I'd be as happy as a clam!! Both voice actors are absolute GEMS; they bounce off each other so well, its so entertaining to listen to. It's never a dull moment with them, be it the sassy banter or when they discuss their crippling insecurities.

Apart from all that, can we agree that Oliver and Caleb is the funniest ''shut up! no you shut up!' pair ever???? I was wheezing everytime they put their heads together to figure out that godforsaken Book and ended up pissing each other off every time, introspective revelations aside.

In conclusion, I just love all of them, Your Honour.

This is one of those podcasts I listened to repeatedly, and will be listening to again and again and again and again and again and aga-

[voidmakyr]

Call me anyway (Bucky Barnes x F!Reader)

This is set in the TFATWS 3rd EP.

You are a former Flag Smasher living alone in Madripoor. You quit the gang some time ago. When the winter soldier stands in your door one night, you expected to be killed. But this wasn’t your end. It was the start of something that nobody saw coming. 

Warnings: smut, swear-words, (sexual) persuasion.

A/N: As always, english is not my first languagge. I am way too lazy to proof read. I really wanted to do something for Zemo but I just can’t get over Bucky? 

You tossed your keys down the hall table and stretched. You changed into a pair of boxers. It was another hot night, and as you pulled out the futon, you really wished the air conditioner were still working. You turned the box fan on and fed your cat. As soon as he’d polished off his fancy feast, took up pacing in front of the sliding glass door to your balcony.

Lightning flashed and you went over and slid back the glass door, moving the screen into place. You’d leave the thing open for only a little bit – the night air smelled good for once. Not a whiff of the usual garbage of madripoor.

You ducked into the bathroom. After brushing your teeth and scrubbing your face you ran a washcloth under some cold water and rubbed the back of your neck. Cool rivulets ran down your skin, and you welcomed the shivers as you walked back out.

You frowned. Something wasn’t right…

You went over to the glass door and you saw that your cat had sat down on his haunches and was purring as if he were welcoming someone he knew.

What the…

The man from last night was on the other side of the screen. You leaped back and dropped the washcloth, dimly hearing the fleshy flop when it hit the floor.

The screen slid open.

You panicked, but found you couldn’t move. You knew this man. He was called the winter soldier.

Oh, man, he really was handsome. He was tall and with your apartment being small to begin with, he turned it into a shoe box. He looked even better than the photos you‘ve seen. Dressed in black with dark hair and matching brown eyes. He wore gloves despite the heat.

Wait a minute.

What were you doing, measuring him for a suit? If this really was the winter soldier, there was no time for staring.

Running, you should be running. You should be making a break for the other door, running like hell.

But all you could do was stare at him.

You craned your neck to look up at his face.

God, he was gorgeous.

He must be coming to kill you, you thought. You didn’t know what you’d done to deserve a hit, but the longer you looked into his eyes, you could barely remember where you were.

You body swayed as he closed the distance between them. You were terrified of what was going to happen when he reached you, but noticed, absurdly, that your cat was purring and wrapping himself in and around the mans ankles.

That cat was a traitor. And if by some miracle you lived though the night, the cat was getting downgraded to mediocre cat food.

Your neck jacked back up as you met the man‘s steady, feral gaze. His stare burned.

And then the extraordinary happened. As he stepped in front of you, you felt a blast of pure, unadultered lust. Your body got wickedly hot. Hot and wet.

Your core bloomed for him.

It was chemistry, you thought numbly. Pure, raw, animal chemistry.

Whatever he had, you wanted.

„Don’t be afraid, (Y/N). My name is James. I wanted to ask you some questions“, he said.

His voice was low, a deep rumble in his solid chest. He had the sliver of an accent you couldn’t place.

„What questions?“, you breathed in a whisper.

„About your friends. The Flag Smashers...“

Dizziness made you reach out for the wall.

„Karli? Why..“ Confusion closed your mouth. „What do you want from them?“

His metal hand crossed the distance between your bodies and he took your chin between his forefinger and thumb. He tilted your face to one side.

„Are you going to kill me fast?“ you mumbled. „Or slow?“

„No killing. Just answers.“

As his head bent down, you told yourself you should fight him off in spire of his words. You needed to Gotthold arms of yours working, your legs, too. Trouble was, you didn’t really want to push him away. You took a deep breath.

Good heavens, he smelled fantastic. Fresh, clean sweat. A dark, masculine musk.

His lips hovered over your ear. The leather of his jacket creaked as his chest expanded.

„You are not one if them,“ he said softly, „not anymore, right?“

God, this had to be what people talked about when they waxed poetic about sex. You didn’t question the need to have him inside of you. You only knew that you were going to die if he didn’t take his pants off. Now.

You reached out, curious to touch him, but when you let go of the wall you started to fall. In what seemed like on motion, he turned around and caught you easily. As he swept you off the floor, you leaned into him, not even bothering to put up a pretense of fighting. He handled you as if you were weightless, crossing the room in two strides.

When he laid you down on the futon his dog tags fell forward, and you lifted your hand, touching the metal. You lifted your hands higher, touching his dark hair. They were thick, soft. You put your palm on his face and though he seemed surprised, he didn‘t pull back.

God, everything about him radiated sex, from the strength in his body to the way he moved to the smell of his skin. He was like no man you‘d ever came across before. And your body knew it just as clearly as her mind did.

„Kiss me,“ you said.

He hovered above you, a silent menace.

On impulse your hands went to the lapels of his jacket, and you tried to pull him down to your mouth.

He captured both your wrists in his metal hand.

„Easy.“

Easy? You didn’t want easy. Easy was not part of the plan.

You struggled against his hold and when you couldn’t get free you arched your back.

Your breasts strained against your Shirt, and you rubbed your thighs together, anticipating what it would feel like to have him between them.

If he‘d only put his hands-

„Sweet Jesus,“ he muttered.

You smiled up at him, relishing the sudden hunger in his face. „Touch me.“

The winter soldier started shaking his head. As if he were trying to clear it.

You opened your lips and moaned in frustration.

„Pull up my shirt.“ You arched again, offering your body to him. „Do it.“

His eyebrows were drawn tight, and you had some vague thought that you should be terrified. Instead, you brought your knees up and lifted your hips off the futon.

You imagined him kissing the insides of your thighs, finding your core with his mouth. Licking you. Another moan boiled out of your mouth.

——

Bucky was dumbfounded.

And he wasn’t a man who got struck stupid very often.

Holy Shit.

You were the hottest thing he’d ever gotten anywhere near. And he’d cozied up to a lightning stroke once or twice before.

You groaned again, your body undulating in a sexy wave, your legs opening wide. The scent of your arousal hit him hard as a body shot. God, he would have been sent to his knees if he hadn’t already been sitting down.

„Touch me“, you moaned.

Buckys blood pumped as if he were in a flat-out run, his erection throbbing like it had its own heartbeat.

„That’s not what I’m here for,“ he said.

„Touch me anyway.“

He knew he should say no. This wasn‘t fair to her. And they needed to talk. He had questions about... what again? Maybe he should come back later in the night. Try again.

You arched up, pushing against the hand he‘d clamped around your wrists. As your breasts strained against your shirt, he had to close his eyes.

Time to go. It was really time to go. He would check back with Sam and Zemo and just come back later, or tomorrow, or-

Except he couldn‘t leave without at least having a taste.

Yeah, but he was a selfish bastard if he laid one finger on you. A nasty, selfish bastard to take any of what you were offering without knowing who he really was. Dangerous, murderous, broken... a monster.

With a curse, Bucky opened his eyes.

Man, he was so cold. Cold down to his marrow.

And you were hot. Hot enough to make that ice go away, at least for a little while.

And it had been so long for him.

He let your wrists go.

Your hands grabbed his jacket, trying to push it back from his shoulders. He wrenched the thing off, and as it hit the floor with a thud, you laughed with satisfaction.

Bucky bent down over you and captured your lips with his mouth.

This time, when you thrust your breasts out, he got rid of his gloves and slid his normal hand under your thin shirt and onto your smooth, warm skin. Greedy to know the rest of you, he peeled your shirt off and tossed it aside.

Your breasts filled his palms, your nipples tight buds underneath the soft satin of your bra.

Buckys control snapped.

He let out a hiss and latched onto one of your nipples with his lips, drawing it into his mouth. As he drew circles with his tongue, he shifted his body and stretched out on top of you, falling in between your thighs. You absorbed his weight with a throaty sigh.

Your hands came between them as you reached for the front of his shirt, but he didn’t have the patience to let you undress him. He lifted up and ripped the material off his body. When he came back down, your breasts hit the wall of his chest and your body surged under his.

He wanted to kiss your mouth, but he was way past anything soft and gentle, so he worshipped your breasts with his tongue and then moved down to your belly. When he got to the waistband of your boxers, he drew them off your smooth legs.

Bucky felt something in his head pop as your scent reached him in a fresh wave. He was perilously close to orgasm, already. His release poised in his shaft, his body shaking with the need to take you. He put his hand between your thighs. You were so wet and hot that he growled.

Crazed though he was, he had to taste you before he invaded you.

He pressed kisses over your hips and across the tops of your thighs. Your hands tangled in his hair as you urged him exactly where he was headed.

He kissed your softest skin, drawing your core into his mouth, and you came over and over again for him until he couldn’t fight his own need any longer. He pulled back, shrugged out of his pants, and covered you with his body once more.

You wrapped your legs around his hips, and he hissed as your heat burned his erection.

He used what was left of his strength to pull back and look down into your face. Waiting for your okay.

„Don’t stop.“ you breathed. „I want to feel you inside me.“

Bucky dropped his head into the fragrant hollow of your neck. And slowly drew his hips back. The tip of his erection slid into place beautifully, and he sheathed himself in your body with one powerful stroke.

He let out a bellow of ecstasy.

Heaven. Now he knew what heaven was like.

____

You eased into consciousness slowly. It was like surfacing from a perfectly performed swan dive. There was a glow in your body, a satisfaction as you emerged from the buffered world of sleep.

„You are beautiful,“ he whispered.

His mouth came down on hers. But he wasn’t looking for anything. The kiss was not a demand. it was closer to a thank you.

Somewhere in the room, a cell phone went off. The ring wasn’t yours.

He moved so fast you jumped. One moment he was by your side; the next he was at his jacket. He flipped open the phone.

A flip phone? Weird.

„Yeah?“ The voice that had told her you you were beautiful was gone. Now he growled.

You pulled a sheet around your chest.

„Give me ten.“ He hung up the phone, put it back in the jacked, and picked up the pants he‘d been wearing. His metal arm reflected the tiny lights coming through the blinds.

The threat of re-dressing brought back some reality. God, had you really just had sex - really, really good, mind blowing sex - with the winter soldier?

„James... You are the winter soldier, right?“, you asked.

As he pulled black leather up his thighs, you caught a terrific shot of his ass.

„Not anymore. Don’t be afraid.“

When he sat down next to you, „I‘ve got to go. I might not get back tonigh, but I‘ll try.“

You didn’t want him to leave. You liked the feel of his body taking up more than its fair share of your bed.

You reached up to him, but took your hand back. You didn’t want to seem needy.

„No, touch me,“ he said, bending his body down, giving you all the access you could ask for.

You put your palm on his chest. His skin was war, his heart surging in an even pump.

„I need to know something.“, you said softly. „What the fuck do you want from me, if you’re looking for the flag smashers?“

He smiled a little, as if he liked your swearing.

„Are you trying to stop them?“, you asked.

„Yes, but-“

„Get out. I am not helping you.“ You stood up and put your clothes back on. There was no way, you were going to be a snitch. Even if you were no longer part of the team.

„(Y/N), they have... we need to stop them. They are dangerous.“, he said while looking to the ground. He didn’t seem to confident about that.

He now stood in front of your door to the balcony. Slowly you opened the glass door, took a look outside then went back to your bed.

„Because of the serum.“ You said calmly.

„You know about the serum?“

You laughed. „I don’t just know about it.“ You positioned yourself and got in a strong stance. You smiled. „I got it.“

With one forceful kick to his chest, Bucky got pushed out of your room. He could barely grab the railing to not fall eight down on the street. In front of him the glass door closed, big metal bars flew from the top to secure the entry even more. The blinds closed and he couldn’t see you anymore.

He couldn’t remember the last time he was taken by surprise. It wasn’t pleasant. When he looked down on himself, he saw a little piece of paper in the small pocket of his jacket.

It was a phone number.

XXX-XXXX-XXXX „Call anyway.“

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 20

Iconic. Seeing Wei Wuxian back and better than ever is so satisfying! That flute playing that probably we’ve all forgotten about since the first two episodes becomes a repeating leitmotif throughout the series. It’s just as iconic as Wei Wuxian himself. And what I love about this shot here is how the light hits his eyes, and from this specific camera angle, it looks like a mask on his face! I just thought that was super cool. Whether it was intentional or not, I have no idea, but I like to think it was. I guess it’s like a reverse mask in this case—everything is hidden except his eyes.

It’s amazing how I only went without Wei Wuxian for like half an episode, yet it felt like so much longer. The emotional weight that he carries is so great that from all the characters searching for him, it feels like it’s actually been three months, instead of more like twenty-five minutes. And I think that’s something that we can feel in CQL but we can’t really feel in the book. Since the book is written in third person limited, we only see Wei Wuxian’s side of the story (I think that’s accurate, but it’s been a few months since I read it). That being the case, we never leave Wei Wuxian’s side, we never get to miss him being there. Of course the story is framed totally differently in the book and not in chronological order, even—lots of flip-flopping, which is fun but also a little confusing when you’re trying to keep track of a timeline.

I think part of what makes Wang Lingjao so creepy here is that her garish makeup is totally gone: her face is pale and ghoulish, with just the bright red blood trickling out of her nose, mouth, and cut on her cheek. I think they could have made her even more ghostly, but I like what they did for her apparition. It’s fun to see how fast Wen Chao cracks, though. He’s very much all bark and no bite—honestly, such a coward. On the one hand, it’s satisfying to watch him lose it, but on the other, it’s quite disturbing. I toe the line between enjoying it and being disgusted by it, but I love that CQL at least kept in this part of Wei Wuxian’s character. It’s like revenge, no matter how bloody, is okay in Chinese tv, but not the main character being kind of bad. I don’t get why they had to nerf his character to the point of absolving him of all guilt with everything that happened. I like a character who makes bad choices, but feels guilty for it, because that shows depth. Someone who bad things happen to because of the “real villain” aren’t as interesting to me. I think also that Xiao Zhan would have been amazing as the real Wei Wuxian from the book, had they adapted him that way. I also would have really, really loved to see the scene that is only really described to us (I think by Lan Xichen) where a distraught and delusional Wei Wuxian rejects Lan Wangji. Ugh, that would have been so heart-wrenching! Maybe in the donghua…sigh….

So this is important, I think. There was a point in the last episode where Jin Zixuan tells his cousin not to let the crows peck at the dead bodies of their enemies. In other words, don’t desecrate the bodies, even if they are the enemy. Of course, Jin Zixuan didn’t hold any personal grudges towards any of them, at least that we know of. Jiang Cheng certainly does. So even though Wang Lingjao is already dead by her own hand, he whips her with Zidian. Jiang Cheng is becoming more and more twisted by his anger and grief, which he never deals with in a healthy way. He wants revenge against those that have wronged him and his parents, and he really never stops seeking revenge throughout the story. First it’s against the Wens, and then it’s against Wei Wuxian. It’s a fairly slow descent, I think, over years, but I quite like watching him twist like this. While it’s fun and interesting watching someone repent and have a redemption arc, it’s also interesting watching them go the other way.

Lan Wangji seems to know, or at least suspect, that the person who has killed everyone in the Supervisory Office, including Wang Lingjao, is Wei Wuxian. A talent for using talismans (one of which Lan Wangji used himself to escape the Wens), someone who is seeking revenge against the Wen Clan—these things point to Wei Wuxian in his mind. He doesn’t want to say this to Jiang Cheng, he doesn’t even want to admit it himself, but he’s putting the pieces together. I think this is a frightening thought for him. On the one hand, he would be happy to find Wei Wuxian alive, but on the other, what state would they find him in? And what does it mean that he’s killed all these people singlehandedly? This isn’t the Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji knows and cares so deeply about. This isn’t the man that Lan Wangji was ready to die for. I think his heart is very much filled with dread in this scene.

Jiang Cheng’s line is interesting too—basically, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Solid, really, but it does come with some problems in reality. The enemy of your enemy just might stab you in the back later. It’s a very simplistic view, but I think at this point, Jiang Cheng is just happy to see the Wens dead. There are a few he wants to kill himself, but he seems satisfied if they just die out, regardless of who does it.

I like seeing Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng team up for these few episodes, because it’s fun seeing how they each approach the situations. Jiang Cheng relies heavily on his heart and emotions, which I can totally identify with. He wants to find Wei Wuxian and he wants revenge on Wen Zhuliu and Wen Chao—those are his two priorities. And then Lan Wangji is definitely more of a logical person—he wants to get to the bottom of these deaths and find out who is the person with so much wicked energy that is doing all of it—and also, that person is probably Wei Wuxian, who he is very interested in finding. Here Jiang Cheng wants to rush after Wen Zhuiliu, just as he did when he went back to Lotus Pier. He’s very rash, while Lan Wangji is much more calm and collected. I mean, if it were me, I’d want to see if they would give up any information before I killed them.

And the reveal is…Wen Chao is fucking disgusting! I didn’t even want to screencap one of the close-ups, because I felt like I’d have to do a trigger warning for blood lol. Not really, though, because I never do, sorry. I love the looks on Jiang Cheng’s and Lan Wangji’s faces, though. Jiang Cheng is so horrified and Lan Wangji is just mildly shocked. I think the real thing is like, who are we dealing with here? Who is this monster who’s been murdering everyone in all these different ways? Who has made Wen Chao look like this? Is this friend or foe? Like I said, Jiang Cheng keeps saying that as long as the person is killing the Wens, he’s fine with it, but I think even he is bothered by this level of mutilation, even against someone he loathes.

It’s hilarious to me that Wen Zhuliu uses this tactic with Wen Chao. Oh, you’re going to insult me? I’m useless? Okay, bye! LOL. Also very amusing that this is really the last conversation they have with each other: this bickering that they’ve probably done over and over off screen. Wen Zhuliu stays by Wen Chao’s side, though, because he’s indebted to Wen Ruohan, of course. It would have been a neat twist to see Wen Zhuliu defect. And you still could have had a dramatic scene where Jiang Cheng chases him down.

I love it! I love it I love it I love it! The flute! This part is so well done (it’s still a little campy, of course, but that’s part of the charm)! I mean, as the audience, we all know who it is by now, but I love that they keep up the mystery because Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng still don’t know. They didn’t see him walk in. I just love this.

And shock. Jiang Cheng looks significantly more surprised. It had never crossed his mind that the person doing all this was actually Wei Wuxian, the very individual that he’s been searching for. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, doesn’t really look surprised. He looks a little surprised, okay—I’ll give you that. But I think most of what he’s feeling right now is the deep dread of being right. He wanted to be wrong, even when everything pointed to Wei Wuxian. I don’t think he wanted to believe that Wei Wuxian was capable of this, no matter how much he wanted to get revenge for what happened at Lotus Pier. I think there’s disappointment there too—how could he do such a thing? And I’ve giffed this scene with this quote: “He started to estrange her…And they became strangers who knew each other’s heart, so broken as they drifted apart” (Ana Claudia Antunes, Pierrot & Columbine). I think the realization here and a bit later for Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian has become some other person is quite heartbreaking. He’s like a stranger to him, and that feeling of betrayal when you thought you knew a person inside and out—that hurts. It’s a deep-seated betrayal that Lan Wangji feels throughout this scene.

Oh, what I also like about this part is that when Wei Wuxian appears, neither one of them can look away. They are solely focused on him at this point.

He finally gets his revenge on Wen Zhuliu. And it’s great. They jump through the roof and he strings him up with Zidian. I can’t really say anything about it—Jiang Cheng needed to do this or he never would have been able to move on from Lotus Pier and his parents’ death.

WWX: Have I changed?

JC: No, not exactly.

I love that these lines are exchanged while the camera is on Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji already sees how Wei Wuxian has changed: the flute, the wicked energy, the almost senseless killing—none of these things are like the Wei Wuxian he’s come to love. And yes, I think love—and it hurts more because there is love. Lan Wangji wanted to walk the straight path with Wei Wuxian together, and he feels betrayed by what Wei Wuxian has done. Despite that, he still wants to help him. He implores Wei Wuxian to come back to Gusu with him so that they can help him and bring him back to the right path.

This whole scene feels like Lan Wangji isn’t even in the room, it’s like a private conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji just happens to overhear. He says nothing. He lets Jiang Cheng ask a hundred questions while Wei Wuxian calmly answers them. Wei Wuxian smiles and laughs, he seems himself, and yet he isn’t. There’s something wrong and Lan Wangji grows more and more perturbed by it as the seconds pass by.

The tension in this scene is palpable. It’s painful, it’s sad, it’s really hard for me to watch. And yet, this is one of my favorite scenes. Lan Wangji is feeling a lot, and he’s held it all in until this moment here. He calls him Wei Ying, and then Wei Wuxian in turn addresses him first as Second Master Lan, and then as Hanguang-Jun, both very formal names. It’s not Lan Zhan anymore—there is no familiarity on Wei Wuxian’s part. I think part of that is his attempt to protect Lan Wangji from any association with him that might actually harm Lan Wangji and his reputation. He’s setting a boundary—a wall—between them. And then when Lan Wangji bites back, Wei Wuxian changes tack: he stars being informal with him again, he brings up how they were good friends, classmates, etc. But that’s not going to work because Lan Wangji is feeling pretty upset right now.

Lan Wangji is desperate, scared, and worried for Wei Wuxian. Sometimes when we’re feeling all that, it can come across as anger, and that becomes worse when someone is dismissive of those feelings. Wei Wuxian is definitely dismissive here. In their interactions, Lan Wangji rarely shows this much emotion, and instead of paying attention to that, Wei Wuxian brushes it off. Jiang Cheng shows that he cares by hugging Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji is different—he’s thinking ahead, he’s seeing what Wei Wuxian has started to mess with—demonic cultivation—which can destroy a person’s mind, and he’s terrified. His only thought is to take Wei Wuxian away and try to change him for the better. Of course, just like what his father did to his mother, this cannot work. Even if Lan Wangji manages to force Wei Wuxian to come with him, he won’t be able to control him. All Lan Wangji can really do is try to persuade him.

The intensity of Lan Wangji’s gaze here is something else. This is a man who is desperate to save the person he loves. He is really looking out for Wei Wuxian’s best interests here and is getting no support from Jiang Cheng. I don’t really know what’s going on in Jiang Cheng’s head right now, but he’s definitely finding Lan Wangji’s behavior offensive. He doesn’t understand that Wei Wuxian’s actions will lead to his ultimate destruction, while it is very clear to Lan Wangji. But all I can do here is bring up how they viewed the person who was killing all the Wens earlier, before they even knew who it was. Lan Wangji felt very unnerved by it: he was disturbed by the talismans and disturbed by the various manners of death, while Jiang Cheng’s stance always was that it didn’t matter because the person was clearly on the same side—a dead Wen is a dead Wen no matter who is behind it. And his opinion doesn’t change even after he finds out. It’s not important to him how Wei Wuxian was able to kill all those people. He asks the questions, but he isn’t interested in really hearing the answer. On the contrary, I think Lan Wangji is very interested in those answers, but he wants to hear about it in a controlled environment. He doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to go back to Yunmeng, where he will essentially live with free-rein without boundaries.

As for cinematography, I love how Wei Wuxian holds up his flute here, setting up a literal boundary between him and Lan Wangji. Not only do you have Jiang Cheng creating that wall with his sword, you also have Wei Wuxian. What I mean is, it’s not only Jiang Cheng who wants to keep Lan Wangji out. Wei Wuxian is drawing a line here too: he wants Lan Wangji to stay out of his business. And this morphs into, what happens at this place is not Gusu Lans’ business—it only concerns Yunmeng Jiang Sect.

We all know Wei Wuxian is an arrogant person, but his arrogance and ignorance here is truly stunning. Lan Wangji tells him point-blank that he won’t be able to control this energy if he uses demonic cultivation, and Wei Wuxian does everything but laugh at him. I enjoy this and I hate it at the same time, because Lan Wangji is just fucking worried, you know? And maybe he doesn’t express himself well, but he’s shocked to see Wei Wuxian here, shocked that he’s responsible for all this—he can’t stay calm and collected under these conditions.

In just a few minutes, Wei Wuxian says that he and Lan Wangji are good friends and that Lan Wangji should treat him better, as well as “Who do you think you are? What I do is none of your business.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist. This scene here, with their faces so close to each other, kills me. This is absolute betrayal for Lan Wangji. It’s as if everything they had built together—all the respect, the affection, the comradery—is gone. The Wei Wuxian that he knew is gone.

I love the way this shot is framed, with Wei Wuxian staring after Lan Wangji, and then Wen Chao pleading, “Forgive me, forgive me.” So apt, because I think Wei Wuxian does feel bad here, I think he feels guilty. I think part of him really missed Lan Wangji and wanted to see him. I think he even knows that what Lan Wangji is doing is out of concern for him over anything else. But I also think Wei Wuxian’s pride gets in the way of that, and his desire for revenge, and even his desire for things to go back to normal. More than anything, Wei Wuxian wants to return to Yunmeng, to his shijie, to be able to live normally again, whatever that really means, because of course everything has changed. Nothing will ever be as it was again. More importantly, he has changed, and can never go back to the person he was before, the person who played so hard, the person who shirked his responsibilities and fooled around in classes, the person who shamelessly teased and flirted with Lan Wangji. That Wei Wuxian is gone. I think Wei Wuxian knows he’s hurt Lan Wangji and does feel bad about it, but he knows he has to push him away to protect him. He doesn’t want to drag Lan Wangji down with him, he feels it’s better this way. And I think, even though CQL!Wei Wuxian does have feelings for Lan Wangji quite a bit earlier than in the book, you can see the one-sided love here, in Lan Wangji’s aggressive behavior as he attempts to save this person he loves. Lan Wangji isn’t willing to give up on him, whereas Wei Wuxian is more prepared to let him go—to push him away to protect him. That’s love too, I suppose, but it’s a love that is meant to be from afar—a sad love, not a passionate one, not a desperate one, not the one that Lan Wangji feels for him.

This is so heartbreaking for Lan Wangji, in part, because they had such a special relationship before. Prior to this, Wei Wuxian prided himself in that he and Lan Wangji went on night hunts together—the clan didn’t matter, whether that was unorthodox or not. And now to see him use his clan as a barrier between them…it’s quite a betrayal. Lan Wangji feels so hurt, so at a loss—he wonders what could he have done differently to prevent this, he blames himself.

This is one of my favorite episodes because of this reunion scene. What you expect is some great reunion, the hugging between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, maybe a smile from Lan Wangji because he’s really happy to see him. But instead, you get pain. You get a Jiang Cheng hugging Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian not even returning the hug (he only raises his arm to signal that he wants to break apart). You get a heated confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, one that is “fondly” thought of as their break-up scene. I love the drama, I love the pain, I love the angst, I love the dichotomy between Yunmeng Jiang and Gusu Lan, I love that this is the start of more tension between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, I love everything about it. The “us and them” dynamic that starts here is so great, and then to see it slowly unravel throughout the next ten episodes, to see Wei Wuxian’s and Jiang Cheng’s relationship fall apart, while Wei Wuxian’s and Lan Wangji’s relationship begins to strengthen again--I eat it up. It’s like my candy. Anyway, I’m excited for what’s to come, excited to talk more wangxian and how it compares to the book (from my dwindling knowledge, that is)! Happy that you all are coming along this ride with me!

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

[thecrazyanimegirl]

Fall anime 2020

And wow, it’s the last season of 2020! May the new year be a lot better, not just anime related!

{ Winter ‘18 }  { Spring ‘18 }  { Summer ‘18 }  { Fall ‘18 }  { Winter ‘19 } { Spring ‘19 }  { Summer ‘19 }  { Fall ‘19 }  { Winter ‘20 }  { Spring ‘20 } { Summer ‘20 }

Alongside the continuations and new seasons like fire force, danmachi,  mahouka koukou no rettousei, golden kamuy and so, these are the new shows that we started:

100-man no Inochi no Ue ni Ore wa Tatteiru 

It is pretty typical isekai anime, just that it has twist and they can go back to their world every time they do a quest. I could see potential in characters and their development, but they aren’t kind of characters I would care about or watch something with meh plot for. Maybe they are building up for something cool, but for now, it was kind of boring for me.

Akudama Drive 

Overwhelmingly cool show about criminals in a dystopian future world. There is not much to say about the story without spoiling other than being so unnecessary cool that I loved it an unnatural amount! The characters, the setting, the action scenes, the animation and conversations, everything is just so aesthetic! I looked forward to it every week! Gonna miss them a lot. Just beware of a lot of violence and blood scenes (even though they are mostly censored).

By the Grace of the Gods 

A really soft isekai with a boy who tames slimes. This is that one (at least) show of the season where you can just turn off your brain, watch some cuteness and forget about everything. It comes with no strings attached, you can drop it halfway and not think twice about it, it won’t make you feel bad in any way, just happiness and rainbows, and sometimes that’s what I need.

Hypnosis Mic -Division Rap Battle- Rhyme Anima 

Women rule the world and pretty boys rap to assert dominance. That’s it, that’s the premise and if you think that ridiculous, yes, it truly is haha If you want to have a laugh, listen to some rapping (can’t say much about the quality of it, but I enjoyed it immensely, good va’s!), go watch it. The plot quality is debatable to say the least, but it’s not really an anime about the story, rather about the 12+ guys and their friendships and rivals and well... rap.

Ikebukuro West Gate Park 

Although a little bit on the improbable side to happen IRL, Ikebukuro WGP showcases multiple situations where we dive behind the back of many realistic happenings in bigger cities. There is always some company in conflict with another thinking solving it in their way is the best possible choice, not taking into consideration what happens to the little people bearing their consequences. It is of course up to the “good mafia” guys to solve it. If you are reading the Webtoon Weak Hero and are in search for some more realistic gang divisions, then feel free to give this anime a try. It has a pretty lovable and crafty MC minus the high-school setting.

Jujutsu Kaisen

Ohh my where to start xD yes, you are looking at the fan favorite anime of this season and there is no doubt about it having that title. I can go on and try to convince everyone saying it has the perfect animation, soundtrack, appearance of the characters and so on but to truly experience it, you will have to watch it. Character development is on the slower track but it is understandable since it is obvious that the series will be a “long distance runner”. What impressed me the most is the perfect balance of humor and tragedy, so if you are one to typically enjoy shonen anime, give it definitely a try through the 3 episodes rule!

Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear 

A girl got isekai’d in a game and now finds friends and people she cares about. Oh and she’s in a bear suit. This was one of those shows I watched for relaxation. There are no bad emotions coming from it and you can just relax, watch something that doesn’t need you to turn on your brain and try to be happy. If you are looking for something serious, you won’t really find it here.

Majo no Tabitabi 

A witch that travels the world, visiting many cities and meeting a lot of people, hearing their stories and moving on. Not action packed, but has things happening throughout the eps. I thought it would be another happy show, but it turned to be quite dark in some episodes. Most episodes have their separate story with minimal connection to the previous ones and some are heartwarming and some are downright grim. Overall, the plot is interesting and the MCs development and way of thinking is interesting too! 

Maoujou de Oyasumi

I KNEW this one is gonna be good when I first read the description of the manga in the bookstore 2 years ago xD What you see above is a small princess who wishes nothing more than a good sleep and a bunch of demons who decided to capture her. It becomes clear early on that she isn’t your typical prisoner as she sets out on quests to find stuff to make her rest more comfortable and NOTHING is gonna stand in her way. Your time watching this anime will be filled with heartfelt laughter and love for the all the characters. Yes, some people might be triggered by her actions and personality but I do believe since I (as a person who prefers to watch shonen) am impressed with it, a great number of people will like it.

Munou na Nana

I really love this anime. MC is an antagonist, pretty much an antihero, but she was made to believe that she is the hero. She is very smart, so anything she plots end up interesting. This show always keeps me on the end of my seat. And it’s a great combination of everyone has supernatural abilities + high school setting, but with a darker twist to it. It’s one of my favorites this season! 

Noblesse

I read the webtoon and I am fan of it, so I am really happy to see Noblesse became an anime! Characters are really awesome and plot is action packed. I’m sure you won’t regret watching it! The humor, the lore and the action is very well balanced and it’s just a good story. If you feel like you really like the anime, but something is missing and you have some time, the webtoon is amazing! Of course, they actually did the anime quite well, but some jokes or additional train of thought that goes in the characters head cannot be all transferred into the animation. Oh and - watch Noblesse: Awakening before this! That’s like the crash course of the first arc of the story.

Taiso Samurai 

A MAPPA anime about a japanese gymnast on the verge of retirement, his daughter and a ninja they adopted! That about covers it! It’s a soft and heartwarming story that really leaves a good feeling after watching it. The characters are lovable and the drama side of the story levels out with humor pretty well, without glossing over stuff too much. I can’t say much about the sports aspect since I don’t know much, but it was worth the watch even though it isn’t the most amazing action-packed anime ever. But it was a solid story, good charas and was just soft.

With a Dog AND a Cat, Every Day is Fun

One and a half minute of a lady with a cat and a dog being incredibly relatable.

Yuukoku no Moriarty

Ah yes, I’m a sucker for every possible variation of sherlock homes, so it’s no wonder how much I enjoyed this. It’s centered about Moriarty, but Sherlock has his time in the later half of the show. The animation is just so beautiful, I loved the stories and mysteries and the way they handled Moriarty as a character. Also a good mixture of mystery, people being hideous creatures, main characters being pretty af and humor. I should continue to the manga now.

Dropped: MAGATSU WAHRHEIT, The Day I Became a God   

[gem-rewatch]

SU rewatch- S1E11- Arcade Mania

Hey, long time no see!

I’m desperately bored in solitary quarantine at university right now, and decided to try and pick this SU rewatch series up again for fun. It’s been a while since I’ve watched through the show in order. Plus, now that this show is completely finished, there’s plenty more connections to make. I can’t promise I’ll be consistent with this, but at the very least I can have fun trying to make a few more posts at my leisure.

Anyways. With that business out of the way. Let’s get right on to the show!

We begin with yet another mission Steven’s guardians have brought him along on! I believe this is the fifth mission we know of that he’s accompanied them on so far. (Lunar Sea Spire, Inverted Pyramid, the unknown mission he returns from in Tiger Millionaire, the desert, and now this one.) It’s really sweet seeing the Gems begin to trust him tagging along more often. There will come a day in the near future where missions become routine for Steven, but in these early episodes, you can really tell that each and every one is a brand new adventure.

In terms of plot, though, this episode is honestly Future Vision: The Prequel.

We learn a lot about Garnet’s abilities and her role in the team here, even if all of these details aren’t spelled out word-for-word quite yet. Hints towards her future vision we see this ep include:

Garnet moving ahead of the group to be in the perfect spot to catch Steven when he falls.

Her flawless moves while fighting and dodging the monsters.

Her becoming a master at the rhythm game later in the episode.

Like, damn. Look at this.

Look at her go.

My Q U E E N!

I had to gif all of this just because it’s such a beautiful and smooth sequence of animation.

If there’s one thing all of the Crystal Gems can 100% agree on, it’s that Garnet is friggin’ amazing.

Garnet: “Let them go. They’re just parasites. If they want to be a problem, they’ll have to answer to me.”

So, does this statement mean that- at this present moment- her extended stay at the arcade was entirely beyond her future vision? That the only futures she saw were ones where she was actually present to deal with containment of the Gem parasites? Given that later scenes insinuate she’d never been to the arcade before, and would have no “data” about its games to factor into her internal understanding of the world, this seems likely.

I adore the gradual palette change here, from shadow, to setting sun. It’s a nice detail that adds so much more life to what could otherwise be a rather mundane transition scene. It seems like unique palettes were more common in early SU- I wonder why Crewniverse stopped implementing these as often later on?

Pearl, entering the arcade: “Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.”

Thanks, Pearl. Love you too. <3

This sequence of Pearl failing at playing a car chase/road rage game hits so much different knowing what happens in Last One Out of Beach City. It’s genuinely radical how far she grows in confidence from this point, because here, she seems so shackled to rules and guidelines. Now that we know about her rebellious past, it might be tempting to write this characterization off as “early series weirdness,” but... I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.

Instead, I wonder if she’s working through grief-related regression.

Think about it... the pain of Rose’s passing is still so fresh for her. She was a rule breaking rebel once, yes, but she spent all of those days at Rose’s side. And I get the sense that she’s poured so much of herself into keeping Rose safe, into the rebellion against Homeworld, that without those, she’s caught in a vacuum. What IS her purpose now, when the very person she rebelled for is gone?

So she slips back into old pearl-like habits. Chronic rule following, and a fear of deviating from norms. How familiar. Thankfully, much of her arc throughout the show is her directly growing beyond these habits to live boldly as her own Gem.

The friggin video game when Garnet knocks its head off: “TELL MY WIFE I’M SORRYYY!!!”

Yo, what the fuck. This line is both hilarious and messed up, all at once. Please tell me the game isn’t sentient.

Aaaand here we finally introduce Garnet to the video game sensation that is Meat Beat Mania! This game is perfectly suited to her and her power of foresight because its patterns are algorithmic and not vulnerable to spontaneous deviations, and thus easy to predict, with enough input. She’s probably getting a quick rush of satisfaction with every correct move, and she barely has to exert any energy with her future vision to get that rush. After years and years of wading through endless possibility at every avenue, this video game’s patterns must be a rejuvenating breath of fresh air.

It’s addicting.

...Kinda makes me think of how I get sometimes when I play solitaire on my phone for an hour straight. After a while, I barely even think, I’m just shuffling through my deck and moving cards almost on automatic. I don’t have to use much energy to play, and it gives me animated fireworks every time I finish a match. It’s a win-win.

Amethyst: “I’MMA WIN AN AIRPLANE!”

I don’t know what it is about the way Michaela Dietz says the world “airplane,” but this makes me laugh every time. Does... does she think she can win a genuine airplane here because she saw Onion win a tiny motorbike from the ticket booth?? Amethyst, oh my god. XD

She’s got the spirit, this wild child.

So, moving on- we meet up with our crew later the next morning, Garnet nowhere to be seen. There’s an interesting exchange I’d like to highlight real quick-

Pearl: “If we’re supposed to fight a giant foot, Garnet would let us know.” Amethyst: “Yeah, Garnet’s the boss!” Pearl: “Well, we’re all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objectives.”

Considering the specific phrasing Pearl uses here- “heightened perception” instead of “future vision-” did Garnet outright tell the two of them to not explain her powers, just like she told them not to mention she’s a fusion? Because I’m pretty sure no one ever uses the phrase “heightened perception” again in reference to her powers.

Given the fact that Garnet chose to keep the knowledge of Ruby and Sapphire under the table until she felt Steven could understand her better, my guess is that this is a similar scenario.

Ahah, I genuinely can’t tell if this is Steven being gullible, or just impulsively playing along with Amethyst’s antics. Still- gross, kid. Don’t wipe your wet cereal face on your shirt! Ew! :O

When he goes outside and starts to use a kiddy metal detector to scan for quarters... so THAT’S where he finds his arcade money! Because I can’t imagine Greg is financially able to give him that much to spend on non-essentials at this point in the show.

Okay, so... I just want to bring light to the fact that Garnet has literally been in this arcade ALL NIGHT LONG.

It was evening when she first arrived here- the sun was visibly setting in the background, and when Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl left, the sky was dark. But now it’s morning. Steven was just seen eating breakfast. And Garnet is STILL HERE.

Does this mean Mr. Smiley locked her IN? I have so many questions... Did he try to get her to leave, only to be intimidated by her complete lack of response? I would kill to know more about this interaction. Poor Mr. Smiley. That man deals with so much bullshit in this town, huh?

Geebus, is Garnet a solid wall. Previous episodes have shown Steven forcibly shoving whole tons of food, and swinging a mini-freezer over his head, and yet he can’t get her to budge even an inch.

I absolutely adore how he climbs up her frame like a koala, though, ahah. Cute.

Meat Beat Mania announcer: “That’s rare!!” Steven: “Oh my gosh...!”

I take these two lines as evidence that this is the first time Steven’s ever seen Garnet’s eyes. Specifically, the fact that there’s three of them. Which, makes sense- since Garnet is still really reserved emotionally at this point, and is only begins to get in the habit of taking her visor off to show Steven her full face later on in the show.

This expression deeply hurts me.

Steven’s so distraught here- because the others are in danger, the town is in danger, and he doesn’t have his trusty, dependable guardian who catches him when he falls and beats up scary monsters for him. Without her, the whole team is vulnerable and blind.

He feels alone. He feels... powerless.

And so he responds to that confusing, powerless feeling by trying to compensate with his own power. When all other routes he can think of fail, he smashes the video game console.

It... uh, it works... but once again, Steven entirely fails to consider the consequences, huh? He experienced a little bit of character growth in this regard in the episode Serious Steven, but even past that it’ll remain an recurring issue for him. Hell, his impulsiveness is a general character flaw even stretching into SUF.

In summary, though:

Poor Mr. Smiley. He works so hard, and doesn’t deserve this BS. ;-;

[unbridgeabledistances]

prompt - casual touches/pda bc we don’t see much in the show!

<3 <3 ty so much for the prompt anon! this ask was sent in before the most recent ep (where we were fed ALL of the casual intimacy!) but i wanted to write a little something to maybe hopefully comfort some lingering discontent about the whole non-monogamy thing– so here is a communicative one-shot of ian and mickey discussing their boundaries and processing s5 traumas before 11x07! (w lots of soft touches😌)

--

It was one of those casual, routine evenings at the Gallagher house when Ian brought it up again, a couple of long weeks after that first conversation on the front porch under the streetlights. They were all lounging in the living room during the slow, undefined hours after dinner, when Carl and usually Ian and Mickey would sit hunched around the TV, passively watching some movie or cartoon while they scrolled through their phones.

That night, Debbie and Sandy were having some sort of erratic spat in the kitchen, and the shrieks back and forth were making it hard to hear the crashing and blaring of the action movie that Mickey had picked out coming from the TV’s speakers— after a couple minutes of trying to make out the movie’s dialogue, Carl stood up with a huff and flicked off the TV with the remote that had been shoved between the cushions of the chair in the corner, stretching and standing up to head down to the basement.

“Night, guys.”

“Night Carl,” Ian replied, and then kept looking down at the Instagram feed he’d been circling through for a good hour while trying to tune out Debbie once again shouting at Sandy for “traumatizing” her by keeping secrets. They’d had the same fight almost every night for the past few weeks since Debbie had discovered that Sandy was living in her car, and had been married to some random guy when she was a teenager or some shit like that— Ian honestly wasn’t even going to ask, but he’d heard the conversation enough times to be uninterested enough to drown it out.

Franny was sitting with splayed knees on the living room carpet, playing some elaborate game with Liam’s truck toys and little Lego construction workers, that had been stowed in the cabinet but Franny had somehow dug out a few weeks ago, causing yet another one of Debbie’s conniptions— and finally the voices in the kitchen trailed off, like they always did once Debbie ran out of steam and got tired of victimizing herself.

“Time for bed, Fran.”

Debbie came into the room and scooped Franny up from where she was sitting, trudging up the stairs with Franny in tow and Sandy trailing close behind—

And then suddenly it was just he and Mickey in the living room, pressed thigh-to-thigh and knee-to-knee beside each other on the couch, resting in the rare but comforting weight of the silence.

Mickey was slouched back on the couch, his chin practically touching his chest, playing some game that involved him turning his phone sideways and lazily shooting pixelated zombies. Ian looked over at him for a moment, taking in Mickey’s relaxed face and the solid press of Mickey’s body against his side…

And he had to fucking do it.

It wasn’t like Ian wanted to bring up the conversation again, about monogamy and boundaries and fuck-knows-what-else; but these past few weeks had been hard, like something cavernous was cracking and splintering between them. Their banter had slowly turned less and less humorous, and more pointed and jagged, about who was the breadwinner and who was the “man”; and even though they’d patched it up and built small bridges between them, and had hung off of each other’s bodies at Lip’s apartment the night Ian had brought up the monogamy conversation for the first time, Ian couldn’t help but feel the weight of the things unsaid wriggling and rustling inside him, like a germinating seed about to bloom.

Ian totally understood why, the moment he had mentioned “fucking other people” during that conversation on the porch, he had immediately felt Mickey’s knee stiffen where his palm had been resting on it. There was so much shit they hadn’t talked about—so it made sense that Mickey had immediately bristled when Ian had brought this all up the way that he did, and had put himself on high-alert and fled the scene the moment Carl came through the gate.

It would be so easy to just… not bring it up again. But Ian knew they needed to talk it out, and needed to let out all of the questions that were hanging on the edge of his lips like a ticking time bomb. If there was one thing that Ian knew, it was that Mickey was sensitive about this shit; the last thing that Ian wanted to do was crack and fall through the thin ice he was walking on and accidentally push Mickey away if he made some comment about another guy being hot, or if he reciprocated some dude checking him out at Kev’s gym— if Mickey had gotten upset at the fact that he only had 87% of Ian’s heart, some stupid comment that came out of Ian’s mouth before his brain could really process how he knew Mickey would feel about it, then how was Ian supposed to know what was and what wasn’t okay?

The problem was, talking about all of this shit so explicitly with Mickey felt like trying to walk upstream; things with he and Mickey had always just kind of… flowed, and had never been spelled out or agreed upon or set in stone, at least until he was leaving Mickey in prison and they kind of had to strongarm themselves into talking about what they wanted to future to hold. Even with the proposal and the marriage shit, they had just sort of stumbled their way into it, without explicitly needing to sit down and spell it all out. If he was being honest, Ian fucking loved that; he loved that he and Mickey’s relationship was a roller coaster, a high-speed train ride that they didn’t know the stops of. Things with Mickey just happened the way they were supposed to, in a way they never had with anyone else that Ian had ever been with. He remembered Trevor’s goading about boundaries and sex positivity and communication, and how at first it felt like Ian had marbles rolling around in his mouth as he tried to stumble over words like “ethical non-monogamy” and “compersion” and “polyamory”; it felt like he was speaking a foreign fucking language, like he was talking about things he couldn’t quite grasp— and he didn’t want to push Mickey into feeling that way. But as much as he hated it, he knew they had to at least talk about it; there were too many things left unsaid, too many holes they needed to patch up before slipping through one them.

So that’s why, with a gentle creeping of his fingertips from his own lap to rest on Mickey’s upper thigh, Ian said the words into the soft silence of the living room:

“Mick, we’ve gotta talk about the whole monogamy thing again.”

Instantly, in a sensation that was fully reminiscent of that night a few weeks ago, Ian felt Mickey’s torso stiffen beneath him.

Mickey sniffed, then hesitantly pressed his thumb up to his phone screen to pause the game he was playing mid-level. Mickey’s body was still slumped and leaning on the couch, but now there was a new rigidity to the way he was sitting, like he was bracing himself for something. He clicked off his phone and shoved it into his pocket, then looked down at his hands.

“Don’t know why you think we gotta talk about all this shit, man. We already did your thing with the paper and you said you didn’t wanna fuck other people.”

Ian let out a breath, then snaked an arm across the back of the couch so it was just barely touching where Mickey’s shoulders were leaning, just to where he could feel the heat radiating up from Mickey’s body. If he was going to fucking do this, he needed Mickey to be close to him—he needed their bodies to be pressed together a little more than they already were.

“Yeah, but I guess… I never really got a chance to hear how you feel.”

Mickey’s body tensed up again; Ian could feel his shoulders clenching beneath his where his arm was limply strewn across the back of the couch.

“I don’t know, man.”

Ian swallowed down the sudden wave of resentment he started to feel that Mickey wouldn’t just say what he was feeling, and took a deep breath. Sometimes Mickey just didn’t know how, and he needed to sit there and acclimate to the airwaves that were bouncing between them before Ian could pull something out of him, or before Mickey could pull something out of himself. Ian let them just sit there, and let himself fixate his eyes on the rise and fall of Mickey’s chest under his tattered t-shirt; and after a moment, he decided to give a gentle nudge, to at least get the ball rolling towards the depths of wherever Mickey’s head was at.

“So do you… wanna fuck other people?”

Mickey made an airy popping sound by smacking his lips together— like he was trying to do anything with his mouth except let words rest inside it, like he was trying to puncture the blanket of silence with a sharp sound. Ian waited.

“Or is it— that you think I want to fuck other people?” He could hear how cautious his own voice sounded, like he was tiptoeing onto uncertain territory, gently coursing into rough and uncharted waters.

Ian felt an almost imperceptible slump work its way back into Mickey’s rigid shoulders. Oh.

He leaned himself closer towards Mickey’s warm body, wrapping his arm down off the back of the couch and directly onto Mickey’s shoulders, feeling the soft bristles of Mickey’s hair pressing up against the crook of his elbow.

“Hey.” Ian tried to keep his voice soft, soft. “I know it fucking sucks, but we’ve gotta talk about this. I don’t ever wanna do shit you aren't okay with.”

Mickey raised his chin, leaning back onto Ian’s arm, and flickered his eyes to meet his gaze.

“You really don’t wanna fuck other people?”

It was the same question Mickey had asked the other night on the porch, the first time they'd had this conversation— but this time there was no bravado to it, no directness or volume like the way Mickey had asked that night with his eyebrows raised. This time he asked in a low voice, a voice that was husky and soft around the edges. Ian squeezed Mickey’s shoulder.

“Mickey, I got married to you. I don’t really know what you thought that meant— but for me, it pretty much means fucking you til the day I die.”

Mickey hesitantly rolled his eyes, blowing a puff of air out of his mouth. “But, like— fucking only me?”

Ian took a deep breath and steeled himself for the messier part of conversations like this, the part where he tried to get Mickey to split himself open. “You’ve gotta give me more than that, Mick. What’re you asking?”

Mickey looked down at his hands again, running his fingertips over a loose thread at the bottom of his shirt. “I don’t know, man. Guys are always droolin’ over you. Just don’t want to hold you back.” Ian felt the rise of Mickey’s shoulders, the breath of air being let into his lungs. “I just don’t wanna not be enough for you, or whatever. Don’t want you to regret shit a couple of years down the line.”

Not be enough for me? If this didn’t feel like a serious and slightly terrifying, fragile conversation to have, Ian could have laughed in Mickey’s face— how could Mickey think that he wasn’t enough for him, when he was the fucking focal point, at the center of everything? Ian didn’t know what words could radiate that out of him, could make Mickey get it— he opted for another squeeze of Mickey’s shoulders, and then migrated his hand under Mickey’s chin and forced their eyes to meet.

“Mick.” He tried to ooze every ounce of certainty, every ounce of resolve that he was feeling, into his voice. “You’re more than enough for me, are you fucking kidding? You’re all I ever think about— if you weren’t enough for me, I wouldn’t have married you. I know what that means, I always have.”

Even saying the words aloud, Ian quickly flashed back to it’s just a piece of paper, to back when Mickey smelled of cheap cologne and bitter smoke in an oversized tux— even then, Ian knew what marriage meant, knew the weight of it, and that’s why Mickey getting married that day tore him apart. Ian wouldn’t have done this, wouldn’t have said “I do” if he wasn’t ready for all of that— so why did Mickey think that he wasn’t?

The tension was creeping back in between Mickey’s shoulder blades. “Took you a while to decide to do that, though.”

Ian paused. They’d rehashed this shit enough times, but it still always stung to think back to when he was too wrapped up in his own shit to think outside of his own spirals of self-doubt, and left Mickey bleeding at the altar in the process. He didn’t know how to put it into words; Mickey had just always been everything, had always been a solid presence inside him, tugging at his heartstrings so tangibly that it made him ache; Ian had a bullshit complex about marriage, but not one about his iron-heavy commitment. Mickey had to understand that by now— but it seemed like there were scars there that still hadn’t been healed.

Which made Ian wonder— where else was this coming from?

Ian cupped his hand below Mickey’s chin again, raising his other hand from his lap and reaching up to push Mickey’s hair out of his face—a gentle touch, a touch to root him and give him something to hold on to more than anything else.

“Hey. Look at me.” Mickey’s eyes met his. “S’there anything else you’ve been holding in about this monogamy stuff?”

Mickey’s eyes flickered downward— and there it was, Mickey’s defenses were being raised, just like they always were at first. But Ian knew how to breach them, knew how to wait it out. He reached his hand downward, intertwining it with Mickey’s limp fingers and giving his hand a squeeze. Mickey dryly cleared his throat.

“You remember that night, before you, uh. You left with Yev or whatever. And you did the porno with that guy.”

Ian felt an ache of awareness rip through his solar plexus, as the words continued to tumble out of Mickey’s mouth.

“It fucking gutted me, man. That and… all the shit with you running off. Not coming to visit me in prison. And I know we’ve talked about it, and I know we’re over it, and I know wasn’t your fault; but I can’t stop feeling like this”—he paused, eyes flickering down at their clasped hands, their pair of silver rings— “that this might be too good to be true.”

Ian felt something hollow ache in his chest. He couldn’t believe they’d never really talked about all of this, never dug this deep, even in the endless blank calendar squares of their days and months in prison together— sure, Mickey had called out Ian’s shit about leaving him over and over again, but he’d never really said the words out loud, never pinpricked Ian’s actions so specifically.

He’d left Mickey, hadn’t he? Even when he didn't mean to, even when it wasn't his fault— that wasn't just going to go away.

A nauseating awareness started to drip through Ian’s veins. He sat frozen on the couch, planted there— not really sure what to say, not sure what words could patch the holes in something solid that he didn’t even realize were there all these years later. While his mind was whirring, Mickey spoke again— he met Ian’s eyes, and this time the iron shutters in his eyes betrayed a trace of pain, just sharp enough for Ian to barely see it.

“Can we go to bed? And talk about all this shit in the morning?”

Ian felt an indecipherable lump in his throat— and he nodded.

**

Mickey had climbed the stairs slowly, and Ian had trailed behind— and now Ian was laying flat in the bed, all changed into a worn tank top and boxers while Mickey brushed his teeth down the hall. Ian propped his upper back on a pillow he had shoved next to the wall, trying to sift through all the emotions that were swirling and buzzing in his head, threatening to pull him under. How was he supposed to fix this?

Mickey turned the corner into the room, lingered in the doorway. He looked deflated, and tired— and instantly, Ian needed to bridge the gap between them, need to feel Mickey warming the empty sheets beside him.

“C’mere.”

Mickey almost comically collapsed onto the bed like a ragdoll— between the conversation downstairs and the few moments they took apart in separate spaces, something small had dissipated, something had turned less brittle and was starting to bend. Ian instantly shifted to his side and wrapped his arms around Mickey, locking his fingers behind Mickey’s head, overtaking his sight line and holding him close in the bed. Mickey gave a half smile— an acknowledgement.

“Hey.” He heard the note of thickness in his own voice. “I’m so fucking sorry. For… everything. Fuck.”

Mickey coiled an arm around Ian’s waist, laying a palm on the small of his back, soaking him in.

“I know. Just gotta give me some time. And we've got all the time in the world, Gallagher.”

Ian breathed out. “Fuck. Yeah.”

He pulled Mickey closer, until Mickey was almost on top of his chest, his face pressed into the crook of Ian’s neck. He listened to Mickey’s steady breath, feeling the curls of it tickle his chin. Ian reached over to switch off the lamp on the bedside table, then pulled Mickey in closer, slotting a leg between his.

After a moment, he broke the silence.

“So. Monogamy?”

He felt Mickey’s chest vibrate with a breathy laugh. “I don’t know, man. What do you think?”

Ian grinned, feeling something fizzle out of him. He prodded Mickey in the side. “Come on, Mick. What do you want? Actually?”                                                     

Ian felt Mickey’s ribcage expand and retract from where he was pressed against him. “I don’t wanna fuck anyone else, man.” Ian breathed out; and he was about to let out a gust of see, that wasn’t that hard, was it— when Mickey spoke up again.

“But I guess… we could talk about doing stuff. Together?”

Holy shit.

Mickey’s words kept flowing, his breath running hot against Ian’s neck as his words floated through the dark room. “I don’t wanna be with any guy that isn’t you. But it might be kinda fun to like— I don’t know, try that shit some day? Like those hot fuckin’ pornos or whatever.” He breathed out a laugh. “Never thought I’d get to try that shit, and probably never will— but it’d be fun... to try? If you ever wanna.” Mickey paused. “But that’s where I draw the fucking line, man.”

Ian barked out a laugh—and instantly felt a weird, warm sense of pride welling up in his chest. This was Mickey asking for what he wanted—this was Mickey letting Ian in, letting him have all of it, and showing that he trusted him despite all the high and lows they’d both muddled through. This was miles beyond what he would have guessed Mickey would’ve been comfortable with, with all of his Terry-inflicted internalized homophobia still thawing somewhere deep inside him— but he was in. It honestly sounded... fucking hot, all the more because Mickey was so into the idea. 

Ian was so fucking glad that they were talking about this— if this was what Mickey wanted, at some point down the line, he would give it to him. He would give him everything.

Ian pressed a kiss to the curve of Mickey’s jaw, just below his earlobe. “God, Mick.”

Mickey just wriggled closer to Ian, almost like he was nervous. “Yeah?”

“If it makes you excited to do shit with other guys together—only together—than we can totally fucking do that. But only if you want to. I don’t need anything else, Mick— you’re all I need. You’ve gotta know that.”

For the first time in what felt like hours, the ice had thawed from behind Mickey’s eyes when he pulled back to meet Ian’s gaze— Ian could make out the glint of light in the darkness. “I know.”

And as he pulled Mickey’s close and pressed the pulse of their lips together, he was sure of one thing: that Mickey belonged to him, and he belonged to Mickey.

Whatever they tried (or didn’t try)—they would do it together.