#Thomas Sanders Sides 2022

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

I JUST REMEMBERED I KNOW WHERE THOMAS DID ONE OF THE REMUS PHOTO SHOOTS AND I WAS GOING TO GO LOOK FOR IT AGAIN ON HIS ACCOUNT AND THE IMAGES ARE JUST GONE?? WHY CANT I FIND THEM :((

I found the tutu photoshoot, but I can't find the one where he's standing in the alleyway with the mural and on the garbage truck? There's a photo where he's standing in a doorway with red bricks?? Where did they GO 😭 idk if I just cant find them or if they're actually gone. If anyone can find it p l e a s e let me know

These ones?

[loganslowdown4]

My friend MA sent me copies of all the art from the 2022 Sanders Sides Calendar since I couldn’t get one myself, they are precious beyond words

Thank you MA! 💖

January February

March April

May June

{See Reblog for more}

[badkatart]

[Story Title] Why They Fall Au [Author] @puppy-princey [Characters] Virgil [Rating/Warning(s)] Teen [ID] [Digital drawing of Virgil looking out the window of a moving car. The outside is green grass that is blurred from the motion of the car. The sky outside is blue with scattered clouds. Inside the car, it is dark gray with light gray seats. Virgil is wearing a black t-shirt over a purple long sleeve shirt. He is also wearing a black beanie over his locks. His hair has a fade which goes from black at his roots to purple. His eyes are also a bright purple. On his shirt, in the center, there is a yellow butterfly design. End ID] For The @sandersidesbigbang

[sandersidesbigbang]

Hey guys!!! Currently working on bringing you all the Thomas Sanders Sides big bang once again this summer! We will open sign ups midway thru May! Stay tuned :D!

[spottheantisemitism]

… jfc.

https://www.tumblr.com/beepmeowiskarkat/744634687674318848/a-note-to-the-sanders-sides-fandom

I still call myself a fander, but I haven’t really interacted with the fandom since 2022. I haven’t watched a Sanders Sides video in a while but, like, it’s been so long since a legit new episode came out. The last Thomas video I watched was the one about the election, and I was bracing myself for any mention of the conflict. Thank G-d it didn’t come up but I just… it baffles me how many people have the nerve to say “your right to be in this fandom has been revoked”/ “you can’t like this anymore because you don’t support the terrorist organization that wants to kill you”. I don’t know if Thomas has gone down the rabbit hole but from what I’ve seen/ read (all completely by accident, cuz I don’t want to lose my respect for him), he hasn’t used any of the buzzwords or praised the “freedom fighters”. Any time I imagine Thomas saying “from the river to the sea…”, it always sounds too cheerful. He’s just… it goes against his brand to go on a hateful rant. And maybe he has these thoughts in private, but again… it’s not in his nature to post hateful content. I don’t know. I just, I stumbled on that post accidentally

The entitlement you both feel to this man’s I/P stance is frankly deranged

like both of you are obsessing over his lack of take and you have already left the fandom

But know that most fandoms kick these deranged fandomizers out after a while

[tsseventhub]

Welcome to the TSS EVENT HUB!

We are focused on boosting and promoting events within the Sanders Sides fandom, although all Thomas Sanders-centric media are fully welcomed (Roleslaying With Roman, Cartoon Therapy, and more). Events include ship weeks, "big bangs", gift exchanges, entire event months, character appreciation days, and more!

As clarification, this blog boosts events, but does not create them! (That's for all the wonderful folks we shout out on the event lists below!)

If you're planning on hosting an event, or have already started, give this blog a tag or send an ask. We want to help you spread the word!

PSSST.... also, check out @sanders-sides-events! We created our blogs at roughly the same time.

"Required" Reading ;

Tagging System (link)

What content do we boost? (link)

Event Lists, old & new ;

2025 Event List (link)

2023 Event List (link) - past events in 2023

2022 Event List (link) - past events in 2022

Master Calender (link), maintained by @edupunkn00b

Guides ;

How do I host an event? (link) - if you want to run an event, but are unsure where to start or what's required, here is a helpful guide

This blog is run by 2 MODERATORS, check out our introductions! (link)

[greenleopard49]

Orange Side Wraith Design

I wanted to style Orange side off of a ghost, more specifically a wraith. According to DnD, a wraith is"malice incarnate, concentrated into an incorporeal form that seeks to quench all life." I chose a wraith due to how ABD-illustrates depicts him in the 2022 Halloween Sanders Sides calendar. Orange side seems to be portrayed as a ghost in the attic. From his perspective it reminds me of the Squidward meme where he is suffering from FOMO.

I wanted Orange side to represent c!Thomas's growing resentment and hatred. To express this, I wanted to model him close to how Thomas looked when he played Sweeney Todd.I was also inspired by the interactions you have with the Spectre version of the Princess in the game Slay the Princess. If you made her angry, she reveals her true skeletal form and then either possess you or attack you by freezing your heart.

To achieve his goals, he plans on possessing Logan since Logan's body was originally Orange side's body. When Orange side lost his head, his original body generated a new head that contained none of Orange side's memories. Thus causing Logan to exist. Since they both have a strong connection with each other, Orange side believes that he is entitled to getting his body back and wants to enact revenge on the one(s) who caused him to have unfinished business in the first place.

[radioactive-dazey]

My orange side dreams (I've had 4)

A description of my multiple orange side dreams and some of my commentary on them.

The first one

I had this dream back in 2022. Logan was sitting in a closet looking into a mirror. But his reflection wasnt himself, it was Thomas with a scraggly beard, dirty grey hoodie, messy hair, etc. Logan was talking to him about backing off, the reflection was mocking him, and all of a sudden the reflection reaches out and pulls Logan into the mirror. He starts laughing evilly and takes on Logan's appearance, walking out of the mirror and out of the closet. The dream changes to me scrolling through the comment sections of youtube trying to look for theories about this video, when i find in the description for the video theres a single name: Julius.

What I find super funny about this dream was that, the original appearance is super similar to an old dark side OC I had before Remus was introduced. He represented procrastination.

The name Julius is also funny because I'm fairly certain my subconscious took it from the drink "orange Julius"

Also lmao me predicting Thomas having facial hair is wild, God damn 2022 Dazey.

The second one

Previously posted elsewhere on my tumblr, I'm basically copying and pasting the post here.

I had a dream that Thomas posted a sander sides video featuring Janus, Remus, and the orange side. The orange side had no defined appearance, he was constantly switching between looking like Patton, Virgil, and Logan.

Janus and Remus didn't like him. The orange side did things in the video that actually made REMUS feel disgusted. I wont describe how (info in the replies of the original post), but he was able to completely shut down other sides. He picked them off one by one and made them faint, disappear, etc...

You could tell by the end of the episode Janus was majorly unhappy but before he could do anything, the orange side rendered him unconscious and Thomas was left alone with him. The episode ended with the orange side laughing as the screen faded to black. The endcard featured Thomas announcing the next episode would come out in 2 years :) (ouch, the accuracy still hurts a bit)

The third one (short and sweet)

Orange side had this ability to influence other sides, like a temporary possession. He wore glasses, which let me tell you, I don't see many orange sides interpretations with glasses so this was just wild.

Despite the fact I know he wore glasses, he also didn't have a set appearance, like he was invisible. Similar to dream 2, he was constantly changing how he looked through this possession concept I brought up.

He was influencing Logan to lash out a lot. Weird huh *gestures vaguely to my complicated feelings to the wrath theory*

Different dream again, the final one

The orange side adopted the appearance and actions of my personal theory for what the orange side should be. Those who have read my orange side theories will already know what im about to say: He represented ignorance, his dark side animal was a bird (some sort of falcon or hawk), his name was Icarus. The entire dream (read: episode) was more or less about how the others fucking suck when it comes to addressing their issues. It felt like they were going in circles. Why did they have to constantly fight?

I've seen the arguments against my particular ignorance theory, saying it's basically just lying to yourself and we can't have two Deceits. But ignorance is more than just 'turning a blind eye.' It's purposefully ignoring new nformation to stay in a comfortable and familiar idea space. Most of the dream works from the angle of Logan not being listened to. The other sides ignorance is what makes Logan angry.

This means nothing but I feel like sharing. In this dream I got to meet Thomas and I asked him "so, Is the orange sides name icarus?" And he looked personally so offended that I guessed it.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

May Creator of the Month: Saibug1022

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is @saibug1022! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Salem, Sai, or saibug are all good! They/he pronouns

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started playing Choices in 2017-ish, I don’t remember what my first book was for sure but I remember the first book I played that really drew me in and got me into the app was The Elementalists.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I don’t think I really joined the fandom until…a few weeks after that mass cancellation announcement where they announced they’d cancelled It Lives 3, Elementalists 2, Nightbound 2, Hero 2, and RoD 2.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

Originally it was a mashup of my dead name and a sweet nickname from my childhood, so when I came out I just changed it to incorporate my new name instead :)

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

It was a repost of this screenshot and honestly I was right and should say it. Also this question taught me the archive feature existed so thank you that’ll come in handy lmao

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

I write fanfiction! I am trying to learn and practice art so who knows what could happen in the future. Oh and I also do lots of edits :)

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

If we’re talking my true origins I actually started writing by writing Supernatural x reader fics in like 2017, but I didn’t start writing the fics I write now until Sanders Sides in 2019 and then I finally got around to Choices in about 2022 lmao. 7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

My favorite book is probably ILITW which is probably obvious, but as for my favorite book to CREATE for that’s tied between It Lives Within and BOLAS.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

My first fic was for Nightbound, called The Wrong Engagement. I still like it overall but I think I’d definitely change some things. When I first started writing for Choices I was so so focused on trying to keep MC as vague as possible while still giving them some character, so the stories often came across as bland or even boring.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

My absolute favorite fic is actually something I don’t think I ever posted, but my favorite I’ve posted has probably gotta be a classic which is Val’s Resurrection. There are definitely some things I’d probably change now but it’s the longest fic I’ve written, still really holds up, and I’m really proud of the characterizations in it.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

Walls of Regret is probably my biggest fic ever and let me tell you when I posted and wrote it I did not expect it to do as well as it did but I’m so glad it did. I can definitely think of some fics I think people would really like that didn’t get much love, including pretty much everything from the Windverse, but I gotta say Let The Shadows Fall Behind You, which is a fic/scene from my personal ongoing project, a Hero and Endless Summer Crossover

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Angst, wholeheartedly, no hesitation. Angst is not only my talent but kind of what I’m known for. I actually kind of struggle to write fluff and ESPECIALLY smut. I’ve only done it a few times and it took days of me staring at the page for days and getting out maybe one sentence an hour.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Oh all of them. Every single MC has a little piece of me, whether it’s my experiences or my personality or my style or my interests or even the way I talk. 

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

With smut at least I get ideas. I struggle so much with even getting ideas for fluff. My favorite things is to dive into the emotions and pain and trauma PB dance around, and finding the beauty in the dark things. I defer to the other amazing writers on this app for the fluff and I consume their fluff fics like a drowning man

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Two things off the top of my head. My concept for a Hero sequel which includes an Endless Summer crossover. I mentioned that earlier. The second is something fondly called Into the Rowan-verse which was where my two ILW MCs, Castor and Julian, get stuck hopping through the multiverse and meeting a bunch of other people’s MCs.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

It highly depends on the person and then from there I think I’d just show them my edits or character profiles because my fics you tend to need either full contextual knowledge or at least basic knowledge of the book.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Published writers definitely Rick Riordan, he’s seriously influenced how I use character voices. But from the fandom my biggest inspirations right now are usually @aces-and-angels and @oh-so-you’re-a-nerd 

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

If I saw Into the Windverse does that count as cheating? But otherwise I’d die for my version of the It Lives Anthology (including ILW and Into the Rowanverse) to be made into a tv show with my headcanons, changes, and MCs.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I do! I have an entire book trilogy fully plotted out that I’m working on writing, plus just writing a bunch with my own OCs.

19 -  What other hobbies do you have?

Pretty much just OC related things tbh. I watch tv a lot and YouTube, I play video games sometimes, and I listen to music ALL the time

[emmavzlsblog]

Imagines

What genres do i writes about:

Smut(threesome)

Fluff

Angst

What i write:

Boy X Girl

Girl X Girl

Boy X Girl X Boy

Girl X Boy X Girl

What i don't write:(smut)

incest,non-con(rape),anything with pain,

What i do write:(smut)

oral(f! and m! receiving),threesome,lesbian sex,non protected sex(wrap it b4 you tap it!),use of sextoys(such as strapon for lesbian sex,dildo,maybe cockring,double sided dildo,you get it!),i will write different position(69,missionary,doggy style,cowgirl,reverse cowgirl).I will also write facesitting,fingering,bondage...

Who i write for:

Teen Wolf:

Stiles Stilinski,Scott Mccall,Liam Dunbar,Theo Raeken,Peter Hale, Derek Hale,Isaac Lahey,Malia Tate/Hale,Lydia Martin,Alison Argent,Kira Yukimura,Erica Reyes,Hayden Romero,Brett Talbot,Aiden,Cora Hale,Jordan Parrish,Tracy Stewart.

Outer Banks:

Sarah Cameron,John B Routledge,JJ Maybank,Kiara "Kie" Carrera,Rafe Cameron,Pope Heyward,Cléo,Barry.

The maze runner:

Newt,Thomas,Brenda,Teresa,Aris,Minho,Gally,Harriet,Sonya.

Not Okay (2022 movie):

Danni Sanders,Colin,Rowan.

American Assassin:

Mitch Rapp.

Twilight Saga:

Bella Swan,Edward Cullen,Jacob Black,Alice Cullen,Rosalie Hale,Emmett Cullen,Jasper Hale, Benjamin,Seth Clearwater,Leah Clearwater,Jared,Embry Call,Quil Atera,Paul.

Scream:

Billy Loomis,Stu Macher,Sydney Prescott, Tatum Riley,Dewey Riley,Gale Weathers,Randy Meeks,Mickey Altieri,Roman Bridger,Mark Kindcaid,Jill Roberts,Kirby Reed,Olivia(Scream 4 forgot her last name😭),Wes Hicks,Sam Carpenter,Tara Carpenter,Chad Meeks, Mindy Meeks,Amber Freeman,Richie Kirsch,Ethan Landry,Quinn Bailey,Anika.

To request:

make sur you to put everything when you request...

Like what action do you want them to do,what place,and as for some character,precise what era you want like for Samantha in Scream precise if you want her in the scream 5 or in the 6 because she is totally different in those two movies...

Writer's note:

Don't hesitate to request i'm not in school rn since it's summer vacantion so i have a lot of free time.I'm not a machine wich means i will need a bit of time to write your resquets,but i can assure you,i will try my best to do ALL of your resquets. XOXO emma

[loganslowdown4]

Rookie KO

In Training 🤛🤍 Champion 🥊❤️

[moldy-lemons]

{{ Trigger Warning : Mention of Psych Wards }}

Hi. It’s five in the morning, and as one does when tired and yearning for the sweet release of sleep—I’ve been thinking.

I used to be sent to psych wards a whole lot. It started when I was ten and just—kept going. I joke around with my sister and call them my ‘second home’, but it’s kind of the truth. It was sad, because I really never had a childhood. But, I did have Thomas Sanders. I remember being so excited when I found another fander in a ward once I nearly fell over. I remember reaching for my phone the second I got out of whatever ward I was in because I just k n e w Thomas had uploaded another Sanders Sides and I wanted to watch. Sometimes, I would convince my therapist to let me watch his videos instead of doing therapy. I had pictures of his characters taped to my wall in a damn w a r d because they were my biggest comfort.

In every ward I’ve been in, I sang the praises of this man.

But this last ward—that ward was easily the toughest I’ve been in. Time is hard to keep track of for me, I can’t exactly remember when I was admitted (perhaps mid 2021?? maybe 2022??) but I remember when I got out I was so excited to watch the latest Sanders Sides video. There was nothing, though.

I thought maybe the video was late. But there’s been nothing. For years. Except for ads and ads and ads. Oh, and stupid ass shorts that are just shitty fish food for the gullible guppies that happen to be the fander fandom.

How can a man that reliably updated so often—who made jokes about being late to update by a few weeks been reduced to this? This man that was once my only comfort in the darkest ten years of my life has just turned into something I’m embarrassed I even liked. Yeah, I’m peeved.

It’s pathetic. I hate being tossed these shitty mini dumb ass videos that take essentially zero to very minimal effort and see a tweet every month or so that says ‘Finale coming soon!!’. I’ll be going through fucking menopause by the time that finale comes.

[sandersidesbigbang]

silver and gold

Writer: @rosepetalgold

Betas:

@iclaimedtobethebetterbard

@dragonsaphirareads

Artist:

@hedgeyart

Art link

@thecrowslullaby

Art link

Rating: Mature

Ships: Main romantic Loceit, background romantic Prinxiety, found family all around

Summary:

Janus’ life of petty crime alongside Virgil and Remus isn’t ideal, exactly, but it’s good enough – until he tries to pickpocket the wrong person and learns three life-changing things: One, mages are terrifyingly real, go by the name of Logan, and do not appreciate being stolen from. Two, Remus has a twin brother. And three, Remus is actually the crown prince of the neighboring country, forced to start a new life after being framed for treason and left for dead in a brutal coup.

Whisked off to a new nation with Remus and Virgil, Janus struggles to adjust to high society and a life of court politics and intrigue, his inherent distrust of magic and his rocky – to put it lightly – relationship with Logan only complicating matters further. Trouble soon begins brewing in the kingdom as well, bringing with it whispers of old threats to the newly reunited princes, and when things go horribly wrong, Janus is forced to confront two questions with extraordinary consequences: How selfish is he, exactly? And just what is he prepared to sacrifice for those he loves?

Ao3 link

Tumblr link

[finn-shavocado]

Here’s a question for the autism community: how did your hyperfixations evolve?

I had a very odd journey with mine where the majority of my early hyperfixations were very niche pieces of media and they slowly became more mainstream before dipping back down into niche more recently lmao

Like here’s the timeline:

1. Octonauts: the earliest hyperfixation I can remember, though it’s possible there was an earlier one I can’t remember. Somewhere in this time was also a minor hyperfixation on Wild Kratts that never really overshadowed Octonauts… (late elementary into middle school)

2. Night at the Museum: this hyperfixation really helped me through a difficult time in my life… (middle school into freshman year)

3. Emergency!: if you KNOW this tv show (it’s from the 70s) I will be amazed. I met my first ever online friend through this hyperfixation which was neat- (sophomore/junior year)

Somewhere in the NATM and Emergency! era was another mini hyperfixation on BBC’s Merlin that never evolved into anything major

4. Welcome to Nightvale: the first inherently queer piece of media I hyperfixated on (though tbh most of the rest had queer coded characters), also my shortest hyperfixation, lasted less than a year (junior into senior year)

5. Sanders Sides: my longest hyperfixation to date, lasted three whole years from my senior year of high school to my junior year of college. Still very important to me, Thomas posted a mini Sanders Asides the other day that I happily watched!

5.5. My first ever special interest, that has lasted four years now- Pokemon! I’m playing Pokemon in most of my free time and have been since my freshman year of college lmao. I don’t consider it a hyperfixation because the world of Pokemon itself is an incredible building block for a shitton of stories. During the overlap of this special interest with my Sanders Sides hyperfixation, I built a Sanders Sides Pokemon AU!

6. And my current hyperfixation, that started early 2022 after the release of Pokemon: Legends Arceus… submas. Aka gamefreak why would you do this to us 😩

I’m just very curious how other people’s hyperfixations have evolved. I wanna hear about it if you’re willing to talk about it!

[transfemlogan]

Just a question and I’m not trying to be rude at all I’m simply curious

If you’re so mad at Thomas and what he’s doing then why are you still in the fandom and posting for it and such? If I were mad at someone to this degree I think I would just stop being apart of the fandom /genq /nm

I don’t want you to take this as me being rude and accusatory, I just want to know

HAII very good question!

I actually have left the fandom before, back in late 2020, due 2 the fandoms... increasingly racist ideals being shown thru them calling my other black mutuals the n word 4 speaking out against thomas' & the fandoms racism during the blm protests & dealing w/ my own racism being thrown at me.

I left for almost 2 years, before remaking in late 2022.

I am autistic and sanders sides is my biggest special interest and has been for 5-6 years now. So while leaving the fandom was freeing in a way, I literally cannot stop talking about SaSi. Which led to me talking about it on my main account sometimes & SaSi fans finding it & interacting w/ me despite me not wanting them to.

I am schizophrenic & deal heavily w/ paranoia & I have a weird thing w/ who can interact w/ my accounts & who cant. I don't let friends interact w/ certain accounts because of it. & so when sasi fans were interacting in a place I felt like "wasn't for them", I was more upset. & I have mutuals that don't like sanders sides so it was kind of just annoying.

& i just like 2 b critical!! That's how I interact w/ all media. complain abt every little thing & then turn around & go "yea i rlly like it :3". Bcuz not everything is perfect! & i have complex emotions !!! Abt everything !!!!

So I remade! Because I like Sanders Sides a lot it means everything to me. & I like having a place where I can talk abt it. Disliking a creator of something doesn't mean you can't enjoy what they're making.

I fucking hate scott cawthon, doesn't mean I can't enjoy FNAF.

Also, I am not super mad. At. Thomas. I know it sounds like I am, but I am just a violent thought haver & happen 2 use more angry & violent language than other people. I don't see an issue w/ that, bcuz this is my account, & iiii can do whatever I want on here (+ on places like twitter, i have him blocked so he can't even see what I am saying).

Thank u 4 being kind. This is a very silly thing 2 ask 2 me /lh. Enjoying anything doesn't mean you're enjoying what the creator does. My siblings love certain media & complain abt the writing or the creator while still loving it. like my brother who's invested w/ the new spiderman game, & he comes in2 my room 2 complain abt the lead writer & the story while also excitedly telling me about whatever is going on. My father watches marvel movies & loves marvel & yet everytime he watches one he complains abt the writing & how stupid it is (& also how much he loves it.) My older brother does it, my step mom does it, my step brother does it. My IRL friends do it (& my online friends). Hell I've had coworkers complain abt something they love around me.

This is like ... normal emotion stuff. This is just what people do. Everyone I know personally does this & has my entire life.

The concept of "not interacting w/ something bcuz ur angry at [insert thing]" is not even a Thing 2 me, I've never ever thought abt doing that ever unless I am hating every single thing abt it. Which is not the case 4 sanders sides.

[author-chan06]

Remus Sanders & Me

Remus Sanders:

General Personal Info:

Name: Remus Octo Royals

Age: 29

Pronouns: Any, Including Neos

Gender: Agender

Orientation: Panromantic, Pansexual

From: Sanders Sides

Canon Compliant Personality? Mostly

Relationship With Me: Brother, Lover

Backstory Of Us:

I started watching Sanders Sides around, uh I’d say around the end of 2021/beginning of 2022, and it didn’t take me long to get through the entire series and any other content I could get my hands on. You could say I was obsessed, which is pretty common for me honestly but this one lasted a bit longer than normal and was even more intense (the only one that got close before would be my BatJokes obsession)

But eventually that dropped away, also normal, though I still sometimes watched it again for comfort or read fics and looked at fanart, just not all the time and it wasn’t the only think I read/watched. So that should be the end of it, right? I thought so at the time too. But it wasn’t.

The longer I interacted with the fandom and the longer I wrote for it the more something felt… off. And then I started reading remrom.

I found authors that write it really well, and I started shipping it avidly, even writing my own little things and thinking about it.

That’s when the memories started up. They were sporadic and they weren’t very detailed, yet, but I started remembering a life I’d never lived, I started remembered doing things that I’d never done before. I started remembering doing things that were physically impossible.

I started remembering life as Roman, one of Thomas’ sides, and I was confused, worried, and I felt a bit like I was losing it. I don’t believe in reincarnation, or even an afterlife, so these memories were… worrying. I worried for a while, until eventually I started getting used to the memories, until I started getting used to the way my mind immediately responded to things about Roman as if they were talking about me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still don’t believe in reincarnation and I don’t think I actually used to be Roman. But I’ve stopped trying to fight the idea that my brain likes. So now I let myself respond to the Roman stuff and I treat the memories like they’re real even though it’s probably just a trauma coping mechanism.

And one of the things I remember from when I was Roman was that Remus and I were dating. I was sort of dating the others as well, but Remus and I were more official and more serious, romantic wise. We had been sort of dating as children and as adults, after all the events you guys saw in canon, we decided to fuck it all and made it official. After a while. Perhaps about two years after canon got to? That sounds about right, even if time is fuzzy from back then. And we were… good. Despite the whole incest thing, or pseudo-incest I suppose. I’m still not sure how exactly that works, after we got together officially we just stopped thinking about it, as I — I admit, guiltily— still felt morally dirty about our relationship.

We were inseparable, just like we used to be, and we often cuddled and sometimes, when one of us was feeling especially awful, we would squeeze each other hard and squeeze our eyes shut and pretend we were still the King, that we were still together like that, that we had never been ripped apart, that we were whole again.

I don’t remember how Thomas died, or what exactly happened, but I remember vague things into our older ages before it just… ends.

And then here I am.

It’s a bit strange. Like I didn’t know any of these things, I didn’t remember anything until I watched the series, but well, once I started remembering, I couldn’t stop. And then I started missing the others. I missed Remus and the closeness we had. The understanding that we shared without even trying. The wholeness that we only got when we were together. Without him I felt so… lost, in pain, hollow. I didn’t know how to handle it other than looking at remrom stuff, looking at people who loved us, watching the others go through things I remember and listening to our songs on repeat.

Until I found the Tumblr selfship community not long ago. Now I’ve started using that to cope with the grieving/longing for the others that has stabbed so darkly into me at all times even if I wasn’t thinking about it. Now I let myself think that Remus would still love me this way, that he still loves me and cares and that we’re still together. He’s still my brother/lover to this day, and he will always be important to me.

Even if in this world he is fictional to everyone else, she will never be only fictional to me.

Relationship Info:

Anniversary: June 25th

Ship Name: #remrori

^ Made by canineluvz