#This post was brought to you by schizophrenia

[unfunnyaceartist]

Hello me. Reminder that you hate yourself but apparently some internet strangers do not (hate you, that is… or… me? Hate us. This is weird…)

in fact a lot of them seem to actually really like you and care about you.. us… DAMMIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ADDRESS MYSELF?!

anyway blah blah you/I/we have a lot to live for and plenty of people are proud of you/me/us for getting up and then surviving each day so don’t forget it lol

and if at the very least nobody else cares because insecurities tell you/me/us that everyone is just faking to be nice , AT LEAST EVERYONE KNOWS THAT GUMMY CARES

YEAH I SEE YOU GUMMY

YOURE NOT SLICK

YOU CARE WAY TOO MUCH BABE CHILL

I DONT MESSAGE YOU BACK FOR A COUPLE DAYS CUZ I DIDNT SEE IT AND YOU IMMEDIATELY ASSUME I HATE YOU OR SOMETHING HAPPENED 😭😭😭

it’s very genuine and sweet.

AND YES I KNOW YOU ALL ACTUALLY CARE BUT IM ADDRESSING MYSELF HERE BECAUSE IM A STUPID INSECURE IDIOT SMFH

back to talking to my self like the very sane person I am

You’re doing… decent. instead of beating yourself up over “failures” maybe just celebrate the small things, like a test you did good on, or a doodle you really like

and ew this is gonna sound cringe but

I’m proud of us for making it this far in our life

And we deserve a pat on the back

good job me

awww shucks me that’s so nice of you to say

But we are never speaking of this DISGUSTING self love ever again. How DARE I tell myself I’m not a failure! For shame!!!

wait

that defeats the whole purpose of this ask

thanks me I’ll remember that

[avpdpossum]

can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…

avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.

avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.

avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.

avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.

avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).

avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.

and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.

[musical-chick-13]

-_-

[dirt-fuck]

someone get me that painting of Saturn devouring his son by Goya because it drives me fucking insane that we don't actually know that's what it is, it was just found painted fuckoff massive on the walls of his living room

[piper-2244]

sophrosyne

how liaison intern!reader and spencer grapple with a recent case that's taken an individual toll on them

angst! eeek! word count: 1277 warnings & tags & stuff: lowkey sad, reader cries a little, mentions of schizophrenia (in an unsub), and correlations to spencer/diana are hinted at, it’s mentioned that that unsub gets shot, like the beginnings of a crush showing but otherwise no fluff, just gentle spence as always, social commentary & my personal thoughts on our justice system definitely peek through. very first attempt at some bigger sad scary feelings authors note: hi!!! im alive!!! and guess what!! its my birthday!! i'm 20 which is totally insane. anyway i missed you all and i HAVE been writing, just not posting. it just got like too much when it registered that THAT many people are reading my stuff, yk? i do appreciate all the love SO MUCH but its still a little scary. anyway. i hope you enjoy, i think this is an interesting one? not sure. i fear my intentions for it may have gotten lost in the writing so please let me know if it doesn't make any sense. okay have a superb day ily!!!

Spencer is spinning and he won’t stop and it’s hypnotic.

There’s a little squeak coming from the chair with each turn that sends goosebumps down your legs, filling the otherwise silent bullpen with noise.

You imagine it must be a little sickening, or at least uncomfortable, spinning in a chair for such a long amount of time. You're honestly a little concerned. His legs are crossed like a child’s.

The look on his face—one that you can't quite make out right now due to his motions—has been the same for the better part of the afternoon. That was concerning. It’s so contemplative and stoic. Like an old Greek statue, Odysseus? you think, carved from marble, weathered to the point of near crumbling.

But this case, this case, the one you got back from exactly four hours and twenty two minutes ago, wasn’t anything too bad, was it?

You blink at that thought, taken aback with yourself, the empathy hitting you like a wave. Of course it was bad. They’re all bad. People are dead. All those families are broken in ways that won’t ever heal.

Your second month as an intern under Agent Jareau, working to become a liaison just like her, proved to be almost everything that one grouchy ex-FBI-Agent-turned-guidance-counselor at your university said it would be. 

Harsh. Sad. Cold. It will strip you of your sensitivity. Your gentleness.

But this case. It had a sharper edge to it than the rest, slicing the littlest bit deeper into your skin. A lingering heaviness weighed on your chest. Were you the only one who felt it? Clearly not, if this guy spinning in his chair was any indication. 

Most of the bullpen had cleared out, leaving only the mess of the team’s half-finished mugs behind in the sink. You had stayed though, needing to shake this weight off before you brought it home with you. The last file of the day is spread out on your desk, but you’re far from it, standing across the room by the coffee machine. Hiding. 

You pour two cups, unable to stop the methodical replay of the case in your mind. Not just the brutal MO, but the bigger picture. The circumstances. The diagnosis. The history.

Agent Jareau had made it your responsibility to take care of all the family-related files.

Male, aged 30, diagnosed with acute schizophrenia at age 22. Stabbed 6 women in the throat.

Family history of disorder? (Check one) : Y ☐ N ☐

The unsub, his father, his aunt, and his grandfather. They all had the same last name, bump on their nose, gap between their teeth, and identical diagnoses of schizophrenia. A twisted family tree. The branches, the unsub’s fate.

You turn toward the spinning blur of the chair, unsure if Spencer even knows you're there.

… 

Ceramic scrapes against wood. Still warm, it leaves a condensation trail in its path. “I added a bunch of sugar,” you offer quietly, unsure if he’ll even acknowledge it. 

Spencer slows. He doesn't reach for the mug like you’d hoped, but he stops spinning. Small victories.

He stares down at the file in front of him, and for a second you wonder if your interruption made things worse. That little groove between his eyebrows- today, there more often than not- shows up, a problem trying to become untangled in his mind. 

You really should go. Leave him alone, Spencer clearly has his own things to sort out. But your legs are tethered to the ground. Maybe it's due to the fact that he just got a new haircut, and it’s nice. Really nice. Or maybe it’s because you, too, feel like getting lost in your own head right now. 

You swallow. “You okay?” you ask, before you can help yourself, and you regret it instantly. It sounds too personal, too sudden, too much, like teeth clashing during a kiss. You're intruding on something that Spencer isn’t prepared to share, something unfinished.

His eyes finally land on you for a split second, and he gives you a nod, shallow and unconvincing. You know better than to push for the truth.

You lean on the edge of his desk, keeping your distance but not leaving. You stare into the swirls of your coffee, fingers drumming on the side of your mug. This moment is fragile, you know, and yet you’re unable to stop yourself from talking. A chronic weakness, on your part. “I don’t think this case was…” you pause, searching for the right words. “It wasn’t like the others, was it?” 

Spencer looks at you again, for a beat longer than you expect. The tension in his face softens, just a little. You see it too.

“No,” he says finally, voice low. “It wasn’t.” 

There's something in the way he looks at you that makes your heart pound. There’s a sense of openness to it. He’s not exactly confiding in you, not yet. But he’s also not completely shutting you out, either.

Strange. The total opposite of what you’d expect. You keep talking.

"Everything he did was just a clear demonstration of his schizophrenia, which is genetic and so prevalent in his family. I just keep feeling like… like it wasn’t his fault. Like it was predetermined. And he died for it,” you ramble quietly. “Morgan shot him.” Your voice breaks.

He stills, not saying anything for a beat.

“He wasn’t given much of a fighting chance, was he?” Spencer asks quietly, almost to himself. Like the question was a familiar one. His eyes drift over the file, the unsub’s family members listed front and center. There's something sad in his gaze. Resigned. Like he’s thought about this before.

You shake your head.

“I think,” Spencer starts softly, staring at a point on the floor, voice barely above a whisper. “You're the only one here who sees it. The way we villainize them.” The words sting in a way you didn’t expect.

Silence rings between you two. It’s thick, and nothing but sad. The weight of the case, of the pain, of the impossibility of it all hangs in the air like a dark cloud.

You dip your head, a sudden tear slipping down your cheek and falling into the fabric of your brand new dress pants. Your hands hold the edge of the table behind you and you inhale shakily. 

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this job,” you whisper after a long while, the words delicate.

Silence hangs between you two again. Then, his voice, thoughtful and deliberate and caring, breaks it up. 

“I don’t think it’s about being cut out for it. It’s not about being tough. It’s about being able to hold that much emotion without letting it break you, because you recognize the alternative of not doing the job would be worse. And it’s hard. It’s so… hard. But you’re doing that. You're doing really well.”

You blink, surprised by the calmness in Spencer’s words. The logic is almost comforting in and of itself, in a way.

“Not everyone can hold that much empathy,” Spencer continues, his voice low. “We need more of that, the team does.”

Your throat tightens. 

“I'm sorry,” you say, your voice small. “I didn't mean to put this all on you.” Spencer shakes his head, not minding. 

“You should go home and get some sleep. Maybe it’ll be a little better in the morning. It usually is.” 

You nod, but you don’t move right away. You feel like the moment you leave, you’ll slip from this edge you’ve been teetering on.

“You go,” you eventually say, quiet. “I’m gonna wash all those mugs people left in the sink.”

[randomfoggytiger]

React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (Plus One, Forehead Sweat, Ghouli, Kitten, Rm9sbG93ZXJz, Familiar, Nothing Lasts Forever), Part VI

Part I (My Struggle I), Part II (Founder's Mutation), and Part III (Weremonster), Part IV (Home Again), Part V (Babylon), and Part VI (This.)

Had to cut down on my react posts because I didn't have the time, drive, or willpower to keep plowing through at the same rate.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

The usual complaints.

There are overly dramatic "DUUUUN" musical cues, scenes end too quickly, camera shot transition at odd times, and the cast can be too wooden or too emotionless in moments that desperately need something (Mitch Pileggi excepted. He nailed it.) David and Gillian trade off believability in their respective roles; and usually not in the same scene (unfortunately.) Scully is stuck with her 30-years-a-smoker voice; and Mulder magically finds every answer he could ever want from the Dark Web. (I don't think "the Dark Web" means what the writers think it means.)

However. The plots are tighter, the humor more effective, and the pacing (a tad) better constructed.

I wouldn't mind rewatching mid-S11 if it followed different characters in a different show. As it stands, nothing really hit the spot.

PLUS ONE

Mulder and Scully are but aren't but are together in S10 and S11. They also are in This but aren't in Plus One. What the script says they do versus what DD and GA portray them doing often clash.

Yeah, Mulder and Scully are already involved again in this episode. My theory: scoot-in-your-boot is a private in-joke they have. Backed up by: his twinkle and her quick "I'm scooting you out of here."

The siblings were like a Punch and Judy show, get it? (Chucky Poundstone? Punch? Ehhh? Also, Chuck like Chucky the doll. ...And also like the other Revival Chuck doll, Mr. Chuckleteeth.)

Plot problems:

A man who matched the profiles of recent, suicidal "sudden schizophrenia" victims was left, alone, in his cell while he screamed for help. That would not fly by 2015 standards. And if it did, there would be serious consequences or a serious attempt at a to cover up (which the cops didn't attempt to do.)

Chucky Poundstone: Fight Club levels of overacting.

Mulder and Scully were constantly called hot not because the topic naturally bloomed in conversation but because it was relevant to the episode's theme.

Scully let Demon Judy get to her. Scully wouldn't have been bothered to be out of "child-bearing age" because Mulder might want kids with someone else (WHEN HAS MULDER EVER)-- she should've been because she wasted their one shot at parenthood and "threw away" their son. Wrong track, wrong manipulation tactic. Like point 3, this was only brought up to serve the episode's theme, not because it was crafted to fit the characters.

A lot of Mulder and Scully's theories talked past each other or leaped from point to point without fully fleshing out the last one (i.e. Scully derailing their theories to insist that ghosts don't exist.)

Scully almost threw away the pills Judy gave her instead of, I don't know, testing them first.

Scully and Mulder didn't keep the lawyer under surveillance after he saw his double.

Scully didn't believe in the Devil anymore... despite the fact that she used to, and we aren't told when or why she changed her mind. Imperative character development the writers neglected.

Scully thought it was more plausible that a man would cut off his own head through shared psychosis than the possibility of a supernatural element at play.

Scully was butchered either way: she believes in a supernatural element but doesn't want to admit it to Mulder because Judy might be right about her; or, she believes everyone is in a state of delusion yet still gives weight to Judy's pokes about her age.

The "Can you hold me?" scene was pleasantly in-character for Scully, but wobbled and waffled for Mulder. It also bucked up against their "we're already together" vibe, and didn't fit with This (at all.)

"I don't have anyone to have one [a kid] with even if I could [have kids]." Script, don't insult my intelligence; Scully was literally in Mulder's arms when she said this ("What are we gonna do?"/"We'll think of something" kind of saves it. Rather, salvaged it.)

Mulder didn't see Scully's doppelganger even though he was facing the doorway and was on high alert. Scully didn't TELL HIM she saw her doppelganger earlier (which is stupid because she'd either be aware it's-- hello-- an evil entity or she could be considered a risk in the field.)

Mulder ran off WITHOUT SCULLY after seeing his double and after she admitted to seeing her own earlier.

Scully ATE RANDOM PILLS instead of, I don't know, analyzing them first. The plot needed to have Scully have the pills because she wouldn't have saved herself otherwise. And also: why did the placebo pills work??? We're never told anything about them other than they're leftovers from Judy's food, and that the nurses superstitiously take them, too. That's it. No followup.

Scully continued to drive after seeing "herself" in the backseat. She should have pulled over-- even if she believed the doppelganger was only an illusion-- because she'd become a road risk and was following the pattern of the other victims.

The siblings just got mad at each other and wrote each other's names in the hangman slots. Which saved Mulder and Scully while killing each other, conveniently.

The "Mom" and "Dad" hangman papers haven't aged a day, despite being written, supposedly, when Chuck and Judy were kids.

DD salvaged the ending by waiting in the doorway for Scully.

Plus One thrust me into a world where Mulder and Scully are jumping in and out of bed, from Unremarkable House to motel, from etc. to etc., without ever talking about their future-- more accurately, where the writing pretends Scully never pondered the obvious conclusion.

THE LOST ART OF FOREHEAD SWEAT

This episode worked... up to a point.

As a one-off, the comedy hit pretty consistently and Reggie was an enjoyable third wheel. (I admit: I ALMOST laughed out loud when Reggie shot Eddie Van Blundht in the head.) The writing was tight, the dialogue flowed smoothly, there were no out-of-place musical beats or lingering camera shots.

As a part of the overall canon?

Forehead Sweat solidifies, for me, what doesn't work about the "modernization" of the Revival. Dr. They kindly pronounces that Mulder and his way of life is no longer necessary in the current age... and that's the stickler. The current age. Fox Mulder didn't fit into the current-world 90s, either, because the mythology and Consortium and mystery behind the original show was a fabrication inspired by old politics-- the Cold War-- that was then mapped onto a very loose, very forgiving framework. If Carter and Co. had kept to that formula, had steered away from cookie-cuttering the 2015-2018 political climate into their show, then Fox Mulder and Dana Scully wouldn't seem so lost and out of place chasing X-Files in the forest in their 50s while aliens did or didn't plan to colonize the planet and Skinner might or might not be on their side. Because that would raise questions: why hasn't the Trump Administration shut them down-- he'd consider their unit useless. Why are Mulder and Scully now afraid the FBI will be suspicioned or "shut down" if it's always been corrupt, if even now they serve a counter-culture role to the establishment, instead of striking off on their own? More importantly, in an era steeped in finger-pointing and blame-shifting and distrust and disbelief, there's no way the cases that drift to the basement wouldn't be blown up on social media within hours-- especially when the 90s already had NICAP and MUFON and other groups who closely followed their niche interests. The logic of The X-Files quickly falls apart in a world that would afflict stricter and harsher consequences, 2015 and 1993 alike.

That aside, this was the best Revival episode, thus far, in terms of quality. I will give it that. (Note from the future: that will be outdone, I believe, by Ghouli.)

Plot problems:

The comedy bits hit, but Mulder and Scully warp in and out of character to achieve them (particularly: the repeated one where Scully keeps leaving before Mulder finishes rambling. Ironically, it's out of place with Darin's other comedic episode Weremonster as well as 200+ other examples of her character. But if the execution had been tweaked, those scenes would have been satisfying to watch. )

Mulder was LOUD. That's not new; but he was LOUD in the wrong moments, at the wrong times-- raising his voice, yelling, punctuating statements with STATEMENTS rather than his usual smooth pantomime or one-off, quick-witted remark.

The Babyfication of Dialogue continues ("sugarboobs", "I'm Fox Freaking Mulder, you punks!", etc.)

I'll bet Reggie kept hiding from the baddies in Skinner's office, hence why he knew him. This isn't a criticism so much as a theory. Or maybe those two gossiped over the water cooler-- Skinner knows everything and everyone, after all.

The Trump Administration poses no threat compared to the global Consortium and Conspiracy Mulder and Scully faced in the 90s. It was considered a threat to 2016s America, which would explain the "I feel like the world's gone mad" quotes the two leads keep kicking around. But, to them? Who lost and almost died and tried to save as many lives as possible to the Syndicate? And in a mythology that had large, regular gatherings of conspiracists who believed in aliens and distrusted the government (as seen in The Red and the Black) it disrespects the intelligence of its viewers by injecting and magnifying struggles that Mulder and Scully would philosophically take on the chin.

GHOULI

Another bump up in quality. The sharp back-and-forth camera techniques are better utilized with this episode's destabilizing, reality-questioning moments. Mulder rambling about the pathos and history behind classic monsters is a classic Mulder moment, Scully snorting and slightly smirking as he does so is a classic Scully moment. Is this the origin of the "Bob" nickname on Tumblr? The girl's "Kids would get stoned on it, in the summer. ...Not me!" was hilarious. Scully's speech in the morgue was the most Scully moment I've seen thus far. Scully subtly admitting to hiding evidence from her parents in her mattress (like Jackson.) Skinner always gets updates about Mulder's activities through other government employees' complaints.

Demerits: shots and cutaways still, well, cutaway at odd moments. Instead of holding on a scene and easing the audience into the atmosphere, cutcutcutcut snaps them out of it. But that's par for the course in the Revival; and it's not tooooooo badly done in Ghouli. Hoebag Jackson Van de Kamp. Mulder didn't get a moment to grieve over his son.

Thoughts? It turned from gripping mystery to big, fat disappointment. Skinner was great, Scully's morgue scene was great, um, Clone!Mulder had a nice moment or two. Jackson stank. As a condensed, disparate experience? It's alright. I quite liked it. (But it still wasn't The X-Files to me, etc. etc.)

Plot problems:

Mulder initially thought Scully's experience was sleep paralysis when he quite literally experienced this before in Paper Hearts. And neither were off-put or shaken by the similarities. (The episode tries to patch this up with, "You've been receiving visions through seizures. I'm sure this is another form"; but that's after she pointed to an open x-file and identified that boat as the one in her "dream".)

Mulder quoted a quote similar but different to his own from the original show. Instead of, y'know, quoting his own quote.

Mulder and Scully's kid is just Free Willying it up everywhere. And for what?

If CC wanted to do away with William (and that's an if), his death and his last attempt at justice for himself and his adoptive parents would have been a mature, heartbreaking way to do it. But no, we got My Struggle IV instead.

Mulder is oddly hesitant to believe his son's alive-- he's usually the one who is borderline delusional about believing and having hope. Yes, the series is supposed to show Mulder on the "other side": depressed (maybe? jury's out), burnt-out, and afraid to believe. But it goes back and forth on that message so often that there is no concrete change in his character to hold onto.

SKINNER'S ON THE CSM'S LEASH AGAIN.

We're back on the "men in Conspiracy but actually aliens but ACTUALLY men in Conspiracy" schtick. Pick a lane, mytharc.

Jackson played dead but it backfired because his parents found him not the agents, then he had to escape so the agents know he's on the run anyway, so.... *Cue Tony Stark*: "Not a great plan." Jackson is an idiot.

Mulder puts together all the pieces of the case off-screen without us, the audience, being there to see him working the mystery out logically. A "tell don't show" approach that undercuts the brilliance of his leaps.

Jackson let his two gfs see a monster and stab each other.... Jackson is an idiot.

Jackson made up a monster legend website to prank both his girlfriends-- who don't know the other exists-- at once; and ended up causing them to stab each other in fright. Jackson's an IDIOT.

Jackson is an IDIOT and a bit of a psychopath. And a LOT of an IDIOT. And he only got his visions and powers recently (since My Struggle II or III, it would appear); so he had to be an idiot before unlocking his abilities-- like the Rush highschoolers. So. Great going, writers.

SARAH TURNED HIM IN BECAUSE HE WAS KISSING ANOTHER GIRL. I mean, get him, girl; but then don't come groveling back.

JACKSON DOES THE MULDER FOREHEAD TOUCH WITH ONE OF HIS TWO GIRLFRIENDS.

JACKSON GOES ON THE RUN INSTEAD OF ASKING FOR HELP FROM HIS POSSIBLE BIO MOM DESPITE HAVING VISIONS OF HER BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT.

Mulder. Never. Had. A. Moment. With. His. Son. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY.

Oh. Mulder and Scully accepted their son wanted to move on with his life, away from them. ...Nnnnnnnoooooooooo, Jackson's not safe and is now an orphan and a high school dropout. NOPE.

KITTEN

This is Blood and Sleepless and Wetwired 4.0. ...But it's not bad.

Mulder snooping around Skinner's kitchen... fine, I liked it. Sue me.

The cop... fine, sue me, I liked him.

Skinner's code name is Eagle... because he's bald. I don't care, sue me, that was hilarious.

Skinner had the best speech.

I admit: I really, really do like this episode. It's the only one that fits into canon, oddly. (Mulder and Scully aren't themselves, etc. etc., blah blah, what else is new.)

My overall thoughts: Um. What did it achieve? Kinda progressed their characters forward... but had to regress them, first. Mind control and chemtrails and falling teeth and Mulder and Scully possibly holding Skinner's career back and Mulder distrusting Skinner but trusting him again while Scully did trust Skinner and was proven right in the end.... And a reference to Mulder's juices. It was necessary for Season 11, character-wise-- a "let's repair the damage to Mulder's trust issues" (which had been resolved?? in This but then wasn't, I guess??)

Plot problems:

There goes S9 Kersh's character development: all that he came to believe in. Right down the drain. (Not that I care; but keep it consistent, series.)

Scully questioning what happened to "the old, reliable Skinner we always knew and loved" is RICH considering A. she and Mulder were questioning his loyalty not five episodes ago and B. Skinner constantly got his hands dirty to help them out (which they largely forget in the Revival, for plot reasons, unless forced into a corner.)

Mulder: "As much as I don't trust the guy right now--" EXCUSE ME. I don't care what My Struggle II or III implied, Mulder of all people, Mulder, has seen Skinner squeezed into tighter corners and still ended up trusting him.

Skinner's getting framed, again, on surveillance tape.

SCULLY giving Skinner the benefit of the doubt, NOT MULDER.

There's no way Skinner's surviving that wound without blood transfusions and serious medical attention. Nope.

Skinner... was behind the two agents... in a pit... but managed to not only climb out but outrun them... in the woods... with a side wound... and knock over a full-grown man... and punch him enough so that said man could get caught in his own trap. ...'Kay.

So. The teeth falling out was never explained. Except to suggest, I guess, that the gas slowly rots them out? Except the policeman and his wife also had teeth loss? Or was that as a comedic bit? Or and as a comedic bit? Who knows!

WAIT, I WAS WRONG. CHEMTRAILS. Really. CHEMTRAILS SPREADING POISON OVER THE TOWN. (Blood already did this but BETTER, writers.)

Mulder's "We're with you" is undercut by nearly 30 years of previous history.

Rm9sbG93ZXJz

This episode is, again, not too bad.

The characters, again again, don't feel like Mulder or Scully to me; but I could see Mulder and Scully doing the actions that the characters did. All in all, I can see why those who like the Revival would enjoy watching this.

Also, I still wish Clone!Mulder never had to pay the tip.

Plot problems:

The world with all this tech doesn't coincide nor coexist with The X-Files universe (and, yes, that include the Revival.)

The whole... not speaking thing. I know it was supposed to be artistic or to convey some layered meaning; but, narratively, it was off-putting. Perhaps if they'd both been knocked about in the field, and it was painful to talk? Mutual tonsil surgery? Anything??

Whipz. Get it? Scully whipz and naynays.

The robots having that much influence over lesser forms of tech (i.e. Mulder's cable, not smart, tv.)

Mulder would have absolutely spiraled if he'd experienced half of what this episode put him through. Scully would have spiraled. None of this would not have been easily brushed aside with a tip.

Mulder still calls sex phone operators; and the machines ratted him out to Scully. Either that, or it was a callback just so Mulder could tell the caller to "Shut up." He's grown and changed, guys~~~~~.

It doesn't make sense why the robots are trying to kill Mulder or Scully if they want a tip from them. OR, one could argue, the robots are threatening Scully's life so Mulder will pay the tip. Either way, the two could have been killed multiple times if they hadn't ducked or dodged. Seems counter-intuitive, and mostly just in service for a "surprise, we just want the tip" twist ending.

"We have to be better teachers." REALLY. That's the takeaway. Not the fact that they were almost KILLED due to the incompetence or oversight of whoever created these robots. REALLY.

FAMILIAR

So. Uh. Classic X-File. Held up pretty well. Classic Mulder eating crime scene evidence. The script was old-school tight.

In other words, this was Chimera 2.0. But not too shabby.

Plot problems:

The police immediately rule out the child's cause of death as a murder. And think it might be a coyote. Or a coy wolf. ...Uh huh.

"You're my homie": Babyfication back.

Scully doesn't believe in human combustion. ...Honestly, shakes out with her theory having been disproved in Trevor. (Although, I don't know if there was a spontaneous human combustion case in S9, feel free to correct me.)

Scully telling Mulder he's "wasting his time" for wanting to interview a little girl who was an eyewitness. ...WHAT.

The boy's mother is... not the best actress. Taking me back to the OG show at times.

What are those creepy teletubbies. Nightmare fuel.

The community... didn't know... there was a convicted sex offender... in their midst. ...Did no one care to look up, I don't know, A SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY??

WHY is Scully fighting back against his witchcraft thesis when she's witnessed a witch doctor plastic surgeon AND a bewitched doll??? Amongst such things????

Gotta admit: I chuckled when Mulder accidentally got the Chief to confess to an affair (his "I... did not see that coming.") However: that scene was wildly out of place amidst the tragedy of the salt-circle and the possible murder of the innocent-in-this-case pedophile.

The episode just skips from the police officer shooting the pedo straight to the officer's trial. ...What happened to that old curse put on the town, huh? Just... took a break for a couple weeks? Mulder and Scully stuck around, or flew out-and-in while Mr. Chuckleteeth took a power nap?

Officer Wentworth let Scully's suspicions slip to the child's father, at the child's funeral, and is kind of portrayed as the good guy here. He doesn't express remorse for not following protocol (especially to a broken-down father grieving the death of his child), only that he is "sickened" a man (the father he broke protocol for) gunned down another man without due process. ...'Kay.

So, all the responsible parties involved all die because the jealous wife was cursing the cheating woman and eventually her husband. ...But if that's the case, why did the Hellhound go after the CHILDREN first, not the two people it was summoned to punish?? Usually things go awry after a bit of murder and mayhem, not before.

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

What a stinker of an episode. Just when the cinematography levels out, the plot absolutely rots.

I did like Mulder scaring off the two officers by pretending to be a religious supernatural investigator.

And the church scene was good. It was necessary for this series, for these characters. Glad it was done. (I say Scully whispered she's ready to let go of the past: a.k.a. move back in with him, let go of the files even, let go of her rigid expectations of herself. Hence Mulder's line: "I always wondered how it was going to end.")

Plot problems (well... some of them, lost interest):

I hated... everything about that opening sequence. Doctors eating pancreases, illegal organ harvest, "chemtrails" reference, NINJA WOMAN WHO CAN TOPPLE A GROWN MAN, NAAAAH, GET IT OUTTA HERE. THIS ISN'T BATWOMAN, BOOOOOO.

Mulder's defensive over his glasses. ...They both have needed glasses since the 90s. Is Scully ribbing him over a stronger prescription?? I don't think so.

Mulder only has progressive lenses because the plot needs a contrast to a cult sacrificing people for eternal life (Our Town and Sanguinarium and Roadrunners, anyone?)

The gore's just off the charts, huh?

Crazy, washed-up actress living off of her shut-ins' blood. Possibly their organs. To remain forever young. ...I unironically read a better fanfic of this, ngl.

There are so many, too many, egregiously many plot contrivances. Wow. Here's just one set: Ninja killer is seeking vengeance but just happens to attend church the same day Scully just happens to attend church the same day Mulder happens to follow Scully in the same day the priest happens to put up the verse that just so happens to correspond with the verse on the evidence organ cooler which just so HAPPENS to be tied to a small illegal operation keeping a crazy washed-up actress alive and young while she subsists off of parts from her shut-ins she "rescued" from the street. Stunning.

Mulder never had a dog: confirmed. ...But he did have a dog in his childhood photos, soooooooooo. Guess someone else gave it to him, then. (Or there is no show bible. Or this is an awful, no good, no-hate-if-you-like-it-but-I-don't universe.)

WE'RE STILL ON THE MAGGIE COIN NECKLACE??? What other answer for it is there except it was the date Charlie walked out of her life???? Ugh, forget it. The writers wanted it to be a mystery box. Then Gillian walked away from the series and nothing was resolved, yolo.

Mulder always bears North, Scully says, no matter how hard the wind blows against him. ...Except it didn't-- numerous times in this series, numerous times in this season, in fact. The Revival is, in fact, built on top of him losing his way pre-My Struggle I. So. Strike 1000 for missteps in Writing 101, I suppose.

Big Boss fight with a woman attached to his back. ...Guys, this isn't The X-Files, this is Resident Evil.

Olivia looks ghostly pale on second, then almost normal the second the guy she's attached to is murdered. ...Guys. She's attached to a dead guy. That's gotta be sepsis by the time she's in the hospital, right? Also: if Olivia was in THIS deep in a cult, she would have been devastated, not dazed but delighted, that her sister had killed the guy she was attached to.

CONCLUSION

I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

If I feel in a ranty mood in future, I'll cover the last three Struggle episodes. But until then, my Revival journey has reached its end.

And what are my final thoughts? The same as they were going in. ;))

Thanks for reading¬

Enjoy!

[youbutstupid]

The BAU ruined Reid’s life and he has every right to separate himself from them

He was a teenager when he met Gideon and he had hopes and dreams that had nothing to do with law enforcement. He had PHDs in engineering, maths and chemistry showing that he clearly wanted to go into something more scientific. He said that he wanted to cure schizophrenia by the time he was 25 so he clearly wanted to go into research and lab work

He went to Gideon’s lectures because he was interested and it was at that point that Gideon himself chose Reid to join the BAU when he was around 21/22 years old. I love Gideon, but this was one of the worst things he has ever done. This decision ruined Reid’s life and no one on the team seemed to question it

It’s important to establish that Reid went to Gideon’s lectures because he had an interest in profiling; that doesn’t mean being a profiler was his goal. He gained a BA in philosophy because he found it interesting but that doesn’t mean he wanted to be a philosopher, he’s intelligent, of course he will study things he is interested in because he can

So Reid joins the BAU, and it takes up all of his time. It takes over his entire life. He can’t meet people, and anyone he does meet is instantly in danger just by being associated with him. His only connections are with his older coworkers who all have lives and relationships away from him. He’s in his early 20s and he can’t have any life experiences, his childhood and teenage years were taken from him but now his early adulthood is being taken away too

@mindfullycriminal brought up a really good point on one of my posts which was a moment in season 2, where Reid says to Gideon ‘it’s all I was groomed for. I don’t know how to do anything else.’ He is 25 years old at this point, his life has been endangered multiple times, he’s been kidnapped and drugged and killed and brought back to life. He needs to escape but he can’t, because he’s trapped in this job. He’s done it from such a young age that he has forgotten how to do anything else

Do you know how tragic that is? This is a man who could learn anything he wanted in just a day, who could collect degrees like stamps yet this job has made it so that he has lost the ability to function unless he’s a profiler.

The word ‘groomed’ is really interesting because it gives insight into the fact that the FBI took advantage of him and his interest from a young age; they took him for his intelligence and didn’t once consider the effects this would have on someone so young. They put him into a job that would take over his entire life to the point where he couldn’t leave the job even if he wanted to, because he has become reliant on it

Later, when he’s 30, we see him talking to Emily and he has so many regrets. He talks about how he wanted to do more with his life, about how he wanted to cure schizophrenia by 25 but he’s not even been able to touch that research because he’s given his life to the BAU. He of course doesn’t leave after this, because he doesn’t know how. He has no identity anymore. His entire life since he was barely into adulthood has been this job to the point where he’s SSA Dr Spencer Reid and nothing else. He’s no one’s boyfriend or husband, no one’s father, he can only be his mother’s son when his cases take him to Vegas. The only thing he knows how to be is an agent and without it he’s nothing

Then by season 15, he has been poisoned, shot twice, kidnapped twice, held hostage multiple times, his girlfriend, his one chance of being normal, was killed in front of him and he’s been imprisoned. His character becomes a shell of itself. He’s done, when he gets kidnapped by the cult he doesn’t even try to fight them anymore, he doesn’t even seem scared. He’s spent almost half of his life in a job which has slowly killed him when he could have been following his dreams and having normal life experiences. Everyone saw this happening to him and no one questioned it, they just expected more and more from him and then got standoffish when he would act out because of it

The BAU were a family and they did their best to protect him, but he was a child who should have been finding his own family, he spent 40 years of his life having his life planned out for him and he deserved to get away and make his own path for once

[realmermaid333]

I see you're falling down an Annie Cresta rabbit hole! What headcanons do you have for her (besides her being tall)?

Hehe I am! I have been an Annie Cresta fan for a long time, my love for her just likes to reawaken at random times. I want to go back and reblog some of my old posts about her. I also once wrote an Annie Cresta centered fanfic but I stopped it. I plan to restart it and post it sometime. Anyway.

my Annie headcanons!! :)

i believe Annie is a career. I used to not think so, but I have thought about it more and about how I think the career system works in 4 (i think it is different than 1 and 2) and I think her being a career not only makes sense, but also makes her more interesting. I believe the career system in 4 is generally less about having glory or being loyal to the capitol and more so is a duty children take on to bring home more food and supplies for their community. I think she was brought up in the career academy along with her sister (an oc of mine) because her family wanted to have children who could make a difference and give them a better name. I'm sure this would've led to a complicated relationship with her parents once she came home after surviving.

I think she is autistic. I have a whole post on this where I analyze her behaviors and how, though I adore Suzanne Collins, she didn't really write her mental illness in a way that actually made sense. But, to be fair, it is Katniss's POV and she is an unreliable narrator when it comes to Annie. Many of her traits point towards her possibly having autism. I do think though that at one point she was very good at masking, particularly when it came to moving up in the career academy and during her tribute interview. It was exhausting for her though and not something she kept up/could keep up after winning.

She was naturally a very good career when it came to learning how to fight and use spears and other weapons. This also led to there being high expectations placed on her, so after when she had her mental breakdown in the arena some people back home treated her like a failure.

Her family were trawlers for the most part and they also made and sold nets on the side, including selling decorative nets to Capitol tourists.

She didn't have much time to focus on education throughout her childhood because she was already working as a fisher from a young age while she attended school just like everyone else in Four. Then she enrolled in the career academy starting at age 11 and trained. She ended her studies as soon as she could and was never able to engage much with them or have much of an identity outside of being a career and a fisher. Once she won, she became a bit of a bookworm and found solace in reading anything she could now that she had access to a wider library. She particularly enjoyed romance, history, and marine biology.

she wanted to be a marine biologist as a child and was upset when she learned only the luckiest, richest people in Four could be one (she was considered middle class). Otherwise they were generally Capitol.

She was childhood friends with her district partner. They met in the training academy and both ended up winning their tests/matches and being chosen to volunteer. This made Annie sad, but they made a promise to each other that one of them would win.

She quickly regretted being a career after she volunteered and everything started to feel real, but she persevered and knew she had a duty to her district. Her anxiety began on her first night away from home and worsened as she met and interacted with the other tributes.

Mental illness already ran in her family, making her more susceptible to the psychosis she experienced alongside her PTSD. Her aunt had schizophrenia though it was of course never actually diagnosed in Four. She was just called mad.

I believe her family was killed at some point after she won. Maybe it was shortly after since she wasn't really supposed to win and she would have embarrassed the Capitol by humanizing herself and being an openly unhappy, unstable victor rather than a proud, glorious one. She likely made some Capitolites feel bad for her, or maybe even consider that the games could be cruel, and that would have been a no-no. If not then, then I'm sure her victory tour was a flop and that would have also angered Snow. I still haven't decided which theory I most believe in. Maybe the victory tour was the last straw.

I have a lot of headcanons lol, and I am cooking up more details and thoughts daily as of recently.

[schizodiaries]

Thank you for all the responses on the renaming schizophrenia post. You all brought up excellent points and I don’t disagree with anyone’s take. Most if not all people who responded (including myself) were in favor of keeping the name as it is, and it’s easy to understand why. Here are just a few reasons people expressed in the comments of that post:

Renaming the disorder doesn’t change the core issue, which is the stigma surrounding the symptoms of schizophrenia. Renaming feels like running away from the core issue instead of confronting it.

People are going to be sanist regardless of what the name is, due to their preconceived notions of the illness.

Schizophrenia is not a bad word. Changing it would feel like trying to distance ourselves from the negative connotation the general public has given to schizophrenia. We should instead be focusing on removing that negative connotation.

Educating people and speaking up about our experiences with schizophrenia will do far more to destigmatize it than renaming it.

It will take a very long time for people to get accustomed to a new name, and changing it may just cause confusion. (Another example of this would be DID, a lot of older folks still refer to it as ‘multiple personality disorder’.)

I want to play devil’s advocate for a moment, and share some reasons for being in favor of changing the name. Just to offer a different perspective in case anyone hasn’t considered some of these.

The term “schizophrenia” is a bit of a misnomer, as it means “split mind.” Some people find this an inaccurate way to define the disorder and would like a better name.

The name has actually already been changed once before. Prior to Eugene Bleuler coining the term “schizophrenia,” the disorder was known as “dementia praecox,” meaning “early dementia.” This change was a little more than a century ago, but it shows that over time people will adjust to a new name.

In Japan, their word for schizophrenia was changed in 2005 to what translates to “disintegration disorder.” As a result of the name change, patients were more likely to seek treatment, as they were not ashamed of the name of their diagnosis. (x)

Regardless of which side of the coin you fall on, I think we can all agree that the general public still has a lot to learn about schizophrenia. No matter what the name is, there is a huge stigma attached to the disorder due to decades of poor representation and inaccurate portrayals in the media. Schizophrenia isn’t a bad word, but because of the stigma, people see it as bad. We can either drop the name along with the stigma and start anew, or continue advocating for the acceptance of what we have now. And as a stubborn person who doesn’t like giving into societal pressures, I know which one I’d choose.

[disabledstraydogs]

For the ship ask game:

Sigma(Autism, ocd) and Nikolai(adhd, bpd, and schizophrenia)

💮🪷🌹🌷🌲

Long post up ahead! Also using they/them for Sigma (ngl I was so close to using she/her for Nikolai then I remembered that this is not about the fem DOA agenda).

💮- If one of the characters in the ship are having a bad disability day how long does it take the other(s) to pick up on the fact that they're struggling? Are they good at picking up on the signs, if not, is there a point that they do notice without being told?

Hmm, this is an interesting question. I think Nikolai is better aat picking up on body language than Sigma, so if Sigma is having compulsions and/or is overwhelmed Nikolai picks up on it and carries them out of wherever they're stuck in.

Sigma on the other hand is not very good at picking up on subtle hints, they only seem to realize when Nikolai is having an episode which does make them hate themselves. It's ironic because Nikolai isn't one to hide his emotions or his mental health (if he's suffering everyone within a 10 mile radius will know), it's just that Sigma's autism can impact how much they can pick up on, how dedicated they are with work and how rapid Nikolai's mental health can change, it doesn't give them a lot of opportunity to notice.

🪷- If all characters in the relationship are disabled, what would happen if all of them were having a bad disability day?

This is a complex situation because usually when the other is in a bad place they both want to care for the other. They will go to lengths to try and help, but usually this makes them both worse and/or can lead to arguments. Because of this a third party is usually brought in to make sure that they're both okay and coping.

🌹- How did the people in the relationship find out that their partner(s) are disabled? Was it a shock? Did the disability happen while they were already in their relationship?

I think for Sigma they've always known that Nikolai struggles with his mental health, so when Nikolai opened up about his diagnosis they took the time to research each disability and make sure that they were prepared (or at least as prepared as you can be for these types of things).

Nikolai picked up on Sigma having autism pretty much instantly, although given that Sigma wasn't created until recently, they don't know they're neurodivergent until Nikolai asks them about it directly. Sigma then goes to a doctor and starts a diagnostic process soon after.

However Nikolai is not ready for the ODC diagnosis, although when he thinks about it this makes sense, but he hadn't thought about it too deeply considering that he doesn't know a lot about OCD.

🌷- How does being disabled imapct their love life? For example does it impact their date nights, activities they can and can't do as a couple, ect. (Note that this isn't a NSFW unless you want to answer it that way.)

Yes, pretty heavily. If they want to go out anywhere Nikolai has to be near an exit and against a wall so no one can sneak up on him from behind.

Sigma can't do places like movie theaters (too overwhelming sensory wise), Nikolai doesn't do well in the dark, Sigma doesn't eat specific foods from specific places, even being at home together can be an issue because Nikolai gets bored of being in the house too long.

They're still trying to work out where is the best place for them, but currently open nature based places (ie parks and fields) are a safe bet.

🌲- How do they accommodate eachother? Do they have a routine that helps with this? Do they do this consciously or subconsciously?

Nikolai is very much aware of how he accommodates Sigma, making sure that their spaces are clean and orderly, his natural instinct is to make a mess and be as loud as possible so he sometimes finds it hard to mellow himself as to make sure that Sigma is comfortable.

Sigma is also aware that they're making accommodations for Nikolai, with autism it's hard to put someone else first sometimes so it's a very deliberate thing that they have to do. The issue is that Sigma has had no prior experience being in a romantic relationship so they research pretty much everything before they do it. Nikolai finds this adorable and has told them not to worry so much (this only makes Sigma worry more) but their efforts are appreciated and acknowledged.

[stylecouncil]

wait speak more on the tragedy of bowie! i have my thoughts on his personality which aren’t all positive (just my bad psychoanalysis) but i find it’s funny that of all male music icons discussed his childhood/familial life is never brought up…. other than his half-brother’s schizophrenia i guess

Obviously his brother is a huge part of that, but I think the toll that his mother’s indifference, and the general very harsh conservative atmosphere juxtaposed against his budding sexuality, the generational abuse (there’s no details, it’s just acknowledged that his mother’s mom was abusive and raised many children who ended up with severe mental health problems, bowies mom included) and generational mental illness took on him is often skimmed over or not necessarily as dived into as with other artists (and I guess I see why because there’s just SO MUCH with bowie). I also think all of this directly contributed to his obsession with otherness, being othered, the other etc. also seemed to have a sort of chip on his shoulder about the working class nature of his beginnings (don’t we all babe! “my arrogant working class nonchalance” etc etc) that I think rears itself in his work more than people give it credit for (and once again….feeling othered). Here are some various things I’ve collected that I think are helpful in painting a picture of his childhood

and these three videos:

(X)

(X)

(X)

I feel like Bowie simultaneously had a large amount of guilt for being the one who “got out” and wasn’t stuck in an insane asylum like his brother or lobotomized or dead while also suffering greatly from mental health issues himself, that he struggled even more so to deal with because of his (wholly justified, I mean look at his family history) disgust if the mental health world.

Bowie’s adolescence in London I think is very often over looked when painting a picture of him as well I think. You have a boy who comes from this very cold family he thinks can’t understand him and obviously have nothing really to offer him in a monetary sense or a start in life besides his mom trying desperately to get him to be an electricians apprentice at one point etc etc. and as he talks about he already felt so othered and alone, that he seeks out love in places someone his age shouldn’t be seeking out love (namely older men, which is dangerous on numerous counts at this time) and you have situations like him being sexually assaulted (see: At The Birth of Bowie) and generally being put into situations where he was sleeping with men at a very young age for either a place to stay “in the center of things”, he was sleeping with nearly all of his managers up until he got rid of managers entirely etc. which I do think colored a lot of the ways he viewed his own sexuality from early on. I feel like these feelings are all laid out very clearly on a song like London Boys, or John I’m Only Dancing or the Sweet Thing suite like he was a very desperate young man in many ways.

I also think his life long addiction and struggle with drugs and alcohol (that he really never conquered till the VERY end if he ever really did) is an integral part of his narrative, but that’s another long rambling post.

[greenfiend]

you may have addressed this is your other post, but i'm just curious... regarding the DID theory (which i love btw), do you think the implication is that much of the show's action isn't actually happening/is all in will's head? or is it more of a metaphorical representation of his DID where the characters who are his "altars" manifest as real people in the real world? the idea makes a lot of sense to me after reading your posts, but I guess I'm just wondering to what extent you think they will take the DID storyline... will it remain metaphorical or will it be an actual diagnosis that Will is revealed to have?

Re: this post about DID/Will's internal world

Thank you so much for your ask! I really love discussing and diving into the implications of certain theories and it’s hard to sometimes find others who want to really be open to this conversation. This is likely because- a lot of people hate this theory. I get why too. It essentially shatters all their previous viewpoints on the show. Making a lot of other theories invalid. It makes some of my previous theories invalid too- but I’m okay with it. I tend to shift my theories all the time when new evidence is brought to my attention. We are all bound to be wrong about some things. If you truly want the truth, you must use the scientific method. Make a hypothesis, then attempt to disprove it. I'm having trouble disproving this one at this time. If anyone has any points against it, I'm all ears! Let's discuss!

Now, is it real or just inside Will’s head? GREAT question. One I don’t have an answer for quite yet but- I’m leaning towards the latter right now. I keep thinking of all the dreaming references, the play within a play, a memory within a memory etc etc…

Though I want to make this VERY clear: it doesn’t mean it’s all just a dream and none of it is real. A lot of it IS real. It’s based off of the reality that Will has experienced. Plus- it’s real to Will. He’s experiencing it, so it’s real in that sense. Like to a person with schizophrenia, their auditory hallucinations are real to them even though it’s not real to us. I ALSO believe that the following characters are real in both Will's head and reality: Joyce, Lonnie, Hopper (I'm on the fence...), Jonathan, Mike, Nancy, Holly (maybe?), Karen, Ted, Lucas and Dustin (at least I *hope* so). The ones that have "died" or that the writers alluded to having prior plans to "kill" off? NOT REAL. They're likely all alters. @strangertheory has also brought up the possibility that those that are real (Mike, Jonathan, Joyce etc) are introject alters, meaning the alter versions of real people that Will conjured up... or willed into existence if you will...

Not sure if they will explicitly diagnose Will with anything but there will likely be allusions to it.

Some food for thought: the UD remains "stuck" the time Will went missing, as if Will himself is "stuck" in the past. There are multiple references to the fact that Will is from the future or has "seen into the future". The Planck's Constant number given by Suzie is incorrect for 1985. That number wasn't used for Planck's Constant until 2014... Which COULD mean that all of this is set in "the future" but Will has been living in the past. School counsellor Ms. Kelley has a necklace shaped like a key with a clock on it. Much to think about...

Anyway! I hope we have more conversations about the deeper meaning of the show. I personally believe a lot of it is about trauma, mental health, fighting past demons, and learning to love.

By the way, if you're interested in discussing theories feel free to join my community -> click here.

[sl7sher]

i saw this tweet and it reminded me of your billy DID post

‘i need people to stop using disorders like DID and schizophrenia as horror plot devices and painting them as creepy and displaying that people who have those disorders are dangerous / murderous’

because i completely agree w ur post, people who have no knowledge of the disorder shouldn’t be going around and hcing characters w it, ESPECIALLY a character like billy if their only reasoning is ‘oh he’s nice sometimes and then he killed his gf’ like ?? that’s so stigmatizing towards the disorder AND people living w the disorder

like as a borderline i hate when nonbpd hc a character to just be entirely manipulative and ‘oh they get mad really fast’ as if that’s all there is to the disorder

anyways sorry for the rant LOL

i love you for this and fully agree with everything you’ve said. people who don’t have said disorder or disability shouldn’t be going around and throwing them onto characters for stigmatizing and stereotypical reasonings, especially for disorders that are widely known to be stigmatized like BPD and DID.

i’m not saying that people who don’t have these disorders or disabilities shouldn’t be allowed to headcanon characters having them, it can even be a positive for a community if their disorder or disability is brought to the light more, i’m just saying that you need to do soooo much more research before throwing it onto a character because “oh he does this so he has to have this!!”.

[seulszn]

I'm Sorry,

I would like to apologize to all the POC writers I have offended with my actions and who where sent death and rape threats because of it. I will like to apologize for the mess I have made under the Ellie and Abby tag I didn't mean for this outcome to happen at all. All I wanted was to say my opinion on a matter that is a very serious in the community. I didn't expect the outcome to be like this I didn’t expect anybody to get hate and I didn’t expect people to give up on something that means so much to them (writing) I deserve the hate coming to me because I wouldn’t mind my business. I'm truly sorry for my actions and if I can go back in time to change what I did I 100% would

And about the minor thing in my household I was raised with 13-16 being a minor and we didn't consider 17 to be a minor we consider it a young adult or adult so I put that in my bio because I thought I would be considered a adult. No I don't read anything that is 18+ I don't interact with blogs that have the 18+ warning anywhere and I respect peoples wishes when they say for us minors to not interact. But that doesn't mean I deserve to be harrassed for my age because if it I was only in “adult business” because again I thought I would be considered one.

And about me blaming those two authors for the hate and harrassment was only because the username who was sending me hate was a fan of them (elsweetheartfan) and I was so stressed and mad at the fact that I was getting this suff that I blamed them and for that I apologize to them.

And people I think are saying I made that hate account when I didn't when I made my last post I left Tumblr (cause I had too take a break cause the hate was really really getting to me and then I thought about Self harming) I didn't make that account to hate on anyone and I wouldn't make that account to hate on myself I'm not an attention seeker.

I have been misgendered a lot my pronouns are They/Them the only reason why @jolyneswif3 uses She/They is because that is my sister please don’t misgender me just because of something I did.

I'm not delusional I have schizophrenia so with people anonymous asking me if I'm delusional as an insult really hurts. And with (@/elsweetheartfan) and a lot of other anonymous asks yes I am Haitian and Greek it exists my mother's side lives in Greece and I live with my Haitian grandmother I wouldn't lie about my race or ethnicity. I started writing because I wanted to make inclusive content for WOC. I made this blog to share my stories with the world. I made this blog cause I felt like TLOU Community isn’t really inclusive enough. I never said white people couldn't read or write about Ellie what I said was Ellie canonically dates WOC so not being inclusive knowing what Ellie dates is kind of stupid.

Again I am truly sorry for and POC who was harrassed because of me that wasn't my intention at all and if anybody wants a personal apology by me my dms will be open. I will be leaving this account for the mean time to grow and mature and change as a person cause the actions I've shown wasn't mature. Please don't Dox my information and please stop harrassing my family they didn't do anything to be brought into this mess this is all me. So if you wish too unfollow me for this I understand completely.

My last post somehow got deleted but I apologize for everything thank you for the support and goodbye for now orevwa :).

[ram-bam-writes]

1. Holy shit, thank you: I actually wanted to read it, but assumed you wouldn't drop the essay. Lovely piece of work, especially the poem. Kind of gives me insight on how you view him.

2. Even if you are over it--sending you love and healing. I was also a medically neglected kid, and it's a feeling to hear other's experiences. Not sure what to name it yet still.

3. Bio bitch, as a term made me laugh. It was unexpected and apt! A new one.

4. I love your humour--your writing belies your personality, which very faceted (this is a compliment, idk if it comes across the way I intend) and a mix of humour, weathered-hey-so-it-happened-and-I-survive, and reason.

5. "I blame circumstance for it all" gasping at the brevity and impact.

6. The way you weaved in mental health with this? Immaculate. It's a perspective I haven't even thought of before, and thank you for sharing that, genuinely. It was lovely, and one of the nicest I've came across this year.

7. Thank you for tagging me! I might have missed it, I wasn't checking my notifs. Very kind of you :)

8. Ps-- "I need this man to fuck me through the mattress " and subsequent notes? I hope both sides of your pillow remain cold.

1. Ehehehe, I'm not shy about posting my work. I like sharing things I've written, especially like that one, because there's more to it that I think is important. And thank you! I think I've written over 8 pieces of poetry for/about him, now. I truly am obsessed.

2. I think that's the biggest part of why I wanted to share it. So much happens to people as a kid, and sometimes it's easy to self-blame or even believe you to be the only one. I like sharing experiences so people know they ain't alone, even if that's not necessarily a good thing (if that makes sense, given we shouldn't have gone through it I'm the first place). I think one reason I'm happy I'm comfortable talking about it is for that reason. I want people to feel safe around me, and I reckon they can do it easier if they know I've been through hardships similar to theirs. Might make them more comfy talking to be when they need help

3. One of my personal fav's :>

4. Writing was actually what helped me get through it all (I suppose over-it might be the incorrect word, since it's less about getting 'over' what happened, rather getting through/past it and accepting what happened was bad and continuing to thrive in the face of hardship). I'm in love with that analysis; I hadn't noticed I had such a style, but the more I think about it, a lot of my work flows that way (I've done an informational one on explaining what watercolors are and the tools involved, while slipping in a few narrative paragraphs about how it brought be out of my SH and depression.

5. :>

6. As someone who was actually tested for DID and Schizophrenia because of how *badly* I'd dissociate to these worlds of characters, I figured it was something to point out, especially with how it started and what it turned into. Once my therapist made the connection after ripping open my childhood with such precision, I felt like it was something that needed to be expressed. I think there can be guilt to loving a character (especially if the Fandom has bad people in it), and I don't want there to be. I think the characters you like may reflect what you didn't have as a child, or the exact opposite, and sometimes is needed to have a sense of... completion within yourself. Characters you love can be a big part of your identity, I reckon, too.

7. I figured you might wanna see it :>

8. I've never heard this turn of phrase so I pray this is a good thing... ehehehe

~~~~~~

Much love 🩶🪽

~Hermes

[ionalottabookmarks]

Duela in Titans Secret Files

There are two issues in this series, both 50+ page comics that contain multiple stories. Duela appears in a single page in the first issue, is mentioned briefly in one of the stories in the second issue, and features prominently in another - her first major appearance since the 70s. We’re combining all the stories into this one post.

Issue one was published in 1999. In the relevant story, word has gotten out that the Titans are re-forming, and will be recruiting members.

Duela is expecting to be recruited (spoiler alert: she won’t be). She claims to be the daughter of Doomsday. She’s at a bar, which we’ll come back to later. It’s the best look at civilian Duela that we’ll get in this era, and she looks like a fairly normal, adult woman.

Issue 2 came out in 2000. Her first appearance is on a computer screen, showing a bunch of former Titans that we’re keeping tabs on.

So. This is a very brief appearance, but there’s just...a lot to unpack here. First of all. Over a dozen? I count Joker, Two-Face, Riddler, Penguin, Scarecrow, and Catwoman in the 70s, and in the 90s, Wildebeest and Doomsday. That’s eight. Eight is not a dozen.

Second. If she’s in a mental institution, how was she in a bar in the last issue?

Third. Schizophrenic. Okay. She’s never really displayed any signs of schizophrenia. But more importantly, the book that first calls her schizophrenic being the same book that first portrays her as a villain? I don’t like that. I don’t like that at all.

Fourth. Acrobat? Not that she wasn’t, I guess, but she’s also an inventor, a detective, and a martial artist.

Okay. Moving on.

When our narrator (Bette Kane, fyi) says this shaped almost all of us for the better, I’m pretty sure the person she’s not including in that is Duela.

In this story, Beast Boy and Bette are going to arrive at their apartment to find Beast Boy’s cousin has invited, like, a zillion superheroes over for a Titan’s recruitment drive. It’s basically turned into a wild party, and they’re not pleased. Then Duela crashes.

I do like the balloons. But wow, Beast Boy. That’s mean. And she was a respected member of the Titans when you weren’t, so, like, shut up.

She’s upset that she wasn’t invited. Understandable, since literally everyone else was. Beast Boy’s cousin claimed he tried to invite her, but she was undergoing electroshock therapy at the time. Which is where I express my absolute disgust at the utter lack of sympathy these *heroes* are showing for a former teammate undergoing a mental health crisis. “Psycho.” “Krusty.” “Creepella.” Look, maybe if you could be nice to your schizophrenic friend who’s clearly going through a hard time, she wouldn’t be attacking you right now.

Also worth noting: Duela calls Bette “Ms. Wimbledon” here. This is the same thing Pantha calls Bette, and Pantha is the person Duela claimed to be last time we saw her, in JLA/Titans.

Duela’s brought friends! The one with the empathetic stimulator is a Beast Boy enemy. There’s two of them, actually. I’m not sure if the other guys are with them or Duela. All of them, including the stimulator dudes, are dressed to match Duela, but that may be a coincidence; I haven’t read any of Beast Boy’s other comics yet, and it’s been sort of difficult to track down much information in these guys. (Fear and Loathing.)

Duela’s friends/henchman are dispatched quickly. But not Duela herself, because she’s awesome.

“Bozo.” Like, wow, we are really packing on the insults for the mentally ill girl lashing out because her feelings are hurt. Have any of you considered, like, having a conversation with your former teammate who really just wanted to be included?

Okay, so it’s not like Duela isn’t coming through with her fair share of name-calling. And she’s got a jack-in-the-box! I love when Duela has gadgets.

And our girl is unceremoniously knocked out with a rock.

So there we have it. Duela’s first major appearance outside the 70s, Duela’s first appearance as a true antagonist, and Duela’s first time being diagnosed as schizophrenic then being called psycho by people who are supposed to be her friends.

I hate this issue. Have I mentioned that I hate this issue?

Duela’s next appearance will be in about 5 years, in Teen Titans #22, in 2005. We won’t have a dedicated post for that; it’s one of a few issues in 2005-2006 where she appears in the background of big scenes, and I’ll be compiling them in one post.