#This isn't a skk kid

[evermorethecrow]

Im kept awake at night by the fact I accidentally named Chuuya's kid after one of irlzais children and it kills me

[ms-dead-inside]

If Dazai doesn't come out of this whole situation with Batman levels of obsessiveness over the few, good things left in his life then I will actually riot.

[whathorselegs]

Hot take but Dazai and Chuuya do not have to be solely opposites in everything.

Just because Dazai can't do/isn't good at something doesn't mean Chuuya automatically can do/is good at that same thing. And Vice versa.

They are as similar as they are opposite, their dynamic doesn't have to just be boiled down to opposites attract.

As an example, I think Chuuya is given way too much credit for how put together he is in terms of domestic chores, especially when he's a teen! This boy was technically homeless until the mafia took him in. He was a child on the street, with no memory, who was taken in and raised by The Sheep. Who were other children living in a sewer! For at least some of the time Chuuya was in The Sheep he lived in a sewer. It probably took him years to actually learn how to consistently keep his home in order.

Yes, in Storm Bringer we are given a passage about how neat Chuuya kept his new apartment, but that was also because of how bare it was. He literally didn't know how to fill an apartment with anything but the bare necessities. I don't think we were supposed to read that passage and go "Wow, Chuuya's so neat!", we were supposed to go, "Wow, this kid has no idea who he is."

Dazai living in a shipping container is the worse scenario, but neither of their living situations reflect a stable one. They both have no idea how to make a home for themselves at that point. Chuuya is as proud of his own barren space as Dazai is of his. The real difference is Chuuya was given his apartment by the mafia, whereas Dazai picked his container. Chuuya is integrating himself into the mafia and Dazai is separating himself from it.

Their living situations are mirrors of each other as well as opposites.

Anyway, all this to say, skk (teen skk especially) should get to be as dumb as they are competent together.

[bwoahtastic]

I need happy Daniel thoughts!

Maybe alpha teacher at the o dear orphanage first time in the familie nest?

Oh pls!

Seb is still a little sus of Dan but he does realise Dan is a good teacher and the kids like him! Daniel lives in the spare room as per their arrangement, or maybe they have a little seperate apartment in the garden. But maybe the heater is broken there and Seb isn't a horrible person so ofcpurse Dan can come stay in the house with them! And the pups are excited cos they love Dan and ask Dan to be in the nest! Seb being a little hesitant but agreeing and now Dsn is panicking cos Lewis and Kimi are staring at him and Toto made a few too many jokes about how easy it would be to throw Dan out of the window if he is disrespectful in the nest skks!

But pls the pups all purring and Lando squeak and wiggle demands to cuddle on Dan's chest for a bit too!

[aspoonofsugar]

What do you think of soukoku? Do you think Dazai has any role in helping Chuuya become a leader?

Hi!

I am not sure about Dazai helping Chuya to grow into a leader, even if I think Chuya will become a leader.

So far, I think Chuya's story in the manga is set-up to have two layers:

Becoming the leader of the mafia

Solving his relationship with Dazai

The first one is prepared in the Cannibalism arc. The second one instead permeates Chuya's screentime in the manga. After all, every arc ends with a sskk fight, but also every arc (minus Cannibalism) has skk parallel Atsu and Aku structurally:

The first arc ends with sskk's first real fight over Kyouka. Just some chapters before, there is Chuya's introduction and his first confrontation with Dazai

The second arc ends with sskk vs Fitzgerald, but the climax is kickstarted by skk vs Lovecraft

The current arc has clearly paralleled sskk's real struggle while Aku is vampirized with skk's fake one over Chuya's brainwashing

In short, sskk and skk are almost always paralleled structurally, which means that even if the new generation is gonna save the world, the old one has still a role to play. Most likely, this role ties with Dazai's arc, which is probably gonna take flight in the climax of the series.

In general, Dazai's plan to make Aku and Atsu partners has a double objective:

a pragmatic one- the combination of their abilities is gonna save the world

an existential one - Dazai is trying to save himself through the two kids

Dazai projects all his past bonds on Atsushi:

Atsushi embodies Odasaku's goal to save orphans

Atsushi is Dazai's second chance to be a good mentor after Akutagawa

Atsushi is an attempt Dazai does to indirectly help Akutagawa after leaving him

The sskk's partnership reveals how Dazai is still emulating Mori to an extent. Mori sets up skk's alliance and Dazai does the same with Atsu and Aku

Finally, Dazai pushing Atsushi and Akutagawa together, so that they can save each other is an indirect aknowledgement of the importance the bond with Chuya has for him.

Sskk represents Dazai's redemption, to an extent. He couldn't help Oda, but can help Atsushi. He left Aku behind, but can still save him through Atsushi. He can't properly communicate with Chuya, but he can recreate his bond with him through Aku and Atsu.

Still, what is Dazai and Chuya's bond? Let's explore soukoku! (Here I finally come to your ask after much blabbering).

DOUBLE BLACK = DOUBLE LONELINESS

Soukoku is a play on words:

It is pronounced "conflict"

It means "double black"

Soukoku sounds like conflict because that is Dazai and Chuya's superficial relationship. They are always annoying each other and fighting. Their whole dynamic is a rivalry.

Soukoku means double black because it describes the meeting between two darknesses. Dazai and Chuya are both engulfed by black, so together they make the black double. They are double darkness.

What does the darkness in Dazai and Chuya's life stands for? The answer is found in Fifteen:

" " existed in a sterile bluish-black darkness. There was no up or down, backward or forward. Even the flow of time was ambiguous. " " had no idea who it was or why it was there. (...) Beyond the heavy darkness was a clear wall. " " knew instinctively that the wall was keeping it inside - that it was a seal. (...) But one day, that seal was destroyed. The sacred realm had been opened, the darkness had been tainted, and the outside world had intruded. Someone was calling " ". (...) A man's powerful hand grabbed on to " ", and reddish-black flames erupted from where it touched. Those were the cries of a newborn. (Fifteen, phase xx)

Chuya recalls his time in the lab as fluttering in a bluish darkness (the black fluid) sealed by a glass wall (the tube). This state is one where he feels nothing and isn't anyone. It is perfect solitude. And yet, Verlaine and Rimbaud come and bring Chuya into the world. They taint the darkness, which is nothing, but Chuya's loneliness:

LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."

Chuya is scared to find himself alone again. And yet, he deep down wishes to go back to a perfect and untainted darkness:

I want nothing anymore but simplicity, quiet, murmurs and order. O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless.

In the verses used to activate corruption, the poet gives up on life and community. He chooses nothingness and loneliness instead. So, every time Chuya awakens Arahabaki he is metaphorically giving in to these feelings. He is letting the Tainted Sorrow take control.

This is the contradiction Chuya is built on. He consciously doesn't want to be alone, but unconsciously he is tempted by the bluish darkness of his childhood. Dazai is instead Chuya's opposite. He behaves as if he is unapproachable, but deep down he craves human connections. Chuya and Dazai are made of similar parts, but show and hide different things. This is why they seem opposite, but are actually the same.

They are two lonely people, who crave companionship, but know that bonds come with pain. They are victims of the hedgehog's dilemma:

The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is a metaphor about the challenges of human intimacy. It imagines a group of hedgehogs who want to huddle together for warmth in the winter, but they cannot avoid sticking each other with their sharp spines. Though they all want a close mutual relationship, their own prickly nature might make this impossible.

Can Dazai and Chuya grow close to people or does their nature make them impossible to understand? Is it worth it to search for intimacy, when it comes with pain? These feelings and doubts are the true nature of Dazai and Chuya's darkness. They are soukoku because they are double loneliness.

Fifteen is the story of these two lonely people meeting:

They picked what they deemed the fairest method of deciding things: the loser would have to obey the winner no matter what. They ended up playing close to a hundred matches, but that's a story for another time. (Fifteen)

Dazai and Chuya are two abnormal teenagers. Dazai is too smart, while Chuya is too strong. This is why they find themselves with no real peers. However, when they meet each other they find someone they can act their age with.

Dazai is usually gloomy and makes people around him uncomfortable. However, when he is with Chuya he gets angry and annoyed like other kids.

Chuya needs to always act as a leader and to put the Sheep's needs before his own. This is why he acts dead serious when he meets Shirase and the girl at the arcade. However, when he is with Dazai he goes back to be himself. He shows his feelings and acts silly, like a teenager should.

Dazai and Chuya don't like each other, but they are attracted to each other because the other brings out a hidden part of who they are. A part tied to humanity and life.

NO LONGER HUMAN

Dazai's skill is called No Longer Human because he feels inhuman:

"He's already dead," said Chuuya. "Quit shooting his corpse." Dazai was puzzled. His expression was bizarrely childlike- fit for a boy his age, yet unlike any he had shown before. His lips suddenly curled into a gloomy smile. "You're right. When you're right, you're right. That's the most common reaction to have." (...) His expression was back to how it usually was: lifeless and utterly disinterested. "Ha-ha. Normal. Ha-ha-ha." (Fifteen)

Dazai sees himself as wrong and thinks Chuya is far more normal than he is. Sure, he has an incredibly powerful skill, but deep down he is just another kid. This is why the reveal of Chuya's background leaves such an impact on Dazai:

Chuya: Arahabaki is me.

It forces him to look outside himself and to reconsider what it means to be human. The point of Dazai's character is that he thinks he is this impossible to read being, who stands above others. And yet, he is really a normal person. Not only that, but he is also pretty childish. He wants friends and grows attached to the few people who step into his loneliness (Mori, Chuya, Oda, Ango, Akutagawa, the ADA). And yet, he sucks at communicating with them out of fear, which leads to more problems than needed. In synthesis, the story of Dazai in Fifteen is really that of an emo kid, who discovers the jock has more reason than him to be emo.

This is why Chuya grows linked to the idea of humanity in Dazai's mind:

"You sound like you're certain he's human." "I am." Dazai sighed, smiling. "There's no way I could hate a man-made character string this much." (Storm Bringer)

In Storm Bringer, Dazai risks the destruction of Yokohama to prove that Chuya is human. He does so because if a guinea pig like Chuya is a normal human, then surely Dazai can be human, as well. Dazai cares about Chuya's humanity because it is linked to Dazai's own humanity. It gives him hope.

THE SUICIDAL BASTARD WANTS TO LIVE

Chuya's skill is called Upon the Tainted Sorrow because deep down Chuya wants to die:

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self.

This is why he is so disturbed by Dazai's suicidal tendencies. He sees a dark mirror of himself in the other boy. This is why Dazai's sudden wish to live impresses Chuya so much:

"Working for the mafia has piqued my interest, albeit slightly," Dazai began. "In the outside world - the world of light - death is kept separate from everyday life. It's swept under the rug. People find it unpleasant. But the Mafia's world isn't like that. Death is an extension of everyday life. And I tend to think that's more accurate. Death isn't the opposite of life, but merely a function of it. We breath, eat, fall in love and die. And you can't get the full picture of living without observing death up close." Chuya quietly stared at Dazai's expression as if he were searching for something human deep inside of him. "So you're saying... you want to live now?" (Fifteen)

And after Dazai opens up about his feelings, Chuya does the same:

"Hey. You wanna know why I always fight without using my hands?" Chuuya asked as he approached Randou. (...) "I've never lost a fight in my life. I've never even been in real danger... But that's no surprise. After all, I'm not even human. My identity is a safeguard, like you said. Hey do you know how that feels? (...) That's why I kept my hands in my pockets. I figured I'd one day feel like I was about to lose, no longer enjoying the fight, but just doing everything I could to protect myself... I thought maybe that way I'd start to like myself as a person - me, a little pattern without a body of my own." (Fifteen)

Dazai and Chuya say the same thing. They both like risking their lives because in this way they feel they are truly living. It is only when they are fighting to survive that they can truly believe in their humanity.

The twist of Fifteen is that Chuya seems more normal than Dazai, but he is really as self-hating and as suicidal as the other teen. And yet, it is because of this similarity that Chuya ends up associating Dazai to life:

Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful. Chuya: Yeah, I did. I believed in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

In Dead Apple, Chuya jumps in front of a Dragon and activates Corruption because he refuses to believe Dazai might really be dead. He needs to hold on to the idea Dazai is alive because Dazai's willingness to live gives him the strength to keep on living, as well. After all, if a suicidal bastard wants to live, then surely Chuya can share this wish, as well.

ON HUMANITY AND LIFE - RIMBAUD'S FINAL MESSAGE

Dazai and Chuya are two suicidal and self-hating kids, who meet each other and realize they are not alone in their feelings. This doesn't make their sense of loneliness disappear, but they can at least be lonely together. They recognize each other as human beings, who want to live:

"Your plan better not fail and get us both killed, or I'm gonna kill you, Dazai." Dazai smiled back at him. "I'm fine with that. Now, let's do this, Chuuya." (Fifteen)

Chuya reveals he is Arahabaki and Dazai admits he wants to live. The result of this shared moment of vulnerability is that the two kids enter an alliance and defeat Rimbaud, who is trying to take away their humanity and life. And yet, it is Rimbaud's last words which convey the lesson Dazai and Chuya need to learn:

"Live," Randou said in almost a whisper. "There is no longer... any way of knowing... who you are or where you came from," he rasped. "But even if... you are but a pattern... etched on the surface of raw power... you are you. Nothing changes that... because all people, all humanity... their brains and flesh... are nothing more than patterns - beautiful patterns... upon the material world..." (Fifteen)

Everybody feels cold. Everybody looks for answers they aren't gonna find. The dark feelings Dazai and Chuya have are proof they are humans. And the only thing humans can do is to keep on living, despite it all.

TOGETHER ALONE

Bsd is full of people who are together alone. Let's consider two of these bonds, which foil soukoku:

Rimbaud and Verlaine

Fyodor and Gogol

Rimbaud and Verlaine

Rimbaud and Verlaine are Chuya's literary parents and their relationship clearly foils soukoku. In particular, they fall apart because of communication problems:

Rimbaud doesn't understand Verlaine's pain

Verlaine fails to open up to Rimbaud

The end result is that Verlaine betrays Rimbaud and their confrontation escalates into a fight, which ends with the worst outcome possible for both. Not only that, but they end up projecting their issues on Chuya (their metaphorical child). Rimbaud believes that if he makes Chuya his skill, he will find Verlaine again. Verlaine thinks that if he forces Chuya to come with him, he will stop feeling the loss of Rimbaud. In the end, though, they manage to find each other again through empathizing with Chuya.

Rimbaud understands Chuya's fears of not being human. In this way, he can finally understand Verlaine's feelings. By seeing Chuya is human, he also sees Verlaine as human. Because of this final realization, Rimbaud gives up on his humanity and turns himself into a singularity with no regrets. He becomes Verlaine's core and a proof of his friend's personhood.

Verlaine realizes through Chuya that he himself is human. In this way, he can finally aknowledge his grief over Rimbaud's death and apologize to his friend. Verlaine is a lonely monster, who finds redemption and humanity in a single meaningful bond. Rimbaud symbolically takes the place of his heart.

Dazai and Chuya have similar communication problems. Dazai is unable to be honest about how he feels about Chuya and the people he left behind in the mafia, as a whole. This is why soukoku's interactions are full of gags where Dazai jokes about dramatic confessions:

He probably has something to tell Chuya, but can't. If anything, he leaves the mafia without giving any explanations. And in Beast, he marches towards his death without telling anything to Chuya.

Chuya instead fails to truly understand Dazai's reasons. The mafia is Chuya's family and he is content with it, but it is an organization which sucks away Dazai's willingness to live. Chuya probably fails to see it.

The end result is that Dazai betrays the mafia and leaves both the organization and Chuya behind. It is probable that this past grudge is gonna come up eventually. If anything because past grudges keep being mentioned when it comes to soukoku and Chuya:

Not only that, but just like Rimbaud and Verlaine, it is possible soukoku has their own metaphorical child to save:

Q appears in Fifteen and is the person soukoku join forces to save in their first fight together in the manga. They clearly represent both Dazai and Chuya's inner child:

They are a problematic child taken in by Mori, like Dazai. They are taken advantage of and trapped because of their monstruous abilities. Dazai himself is assigned as Q's guardian.

They have a skill they deep down hate, like Chuya. They even admit they don't want their gift while tortured, just like Chuya does while a prisoner in Storm Bringer.

So, Q is the child Dazai and Chuya used to be. And yet, they both show very little sympathy for them. That is because they have yet to reconcile with the most frail parts of who they are. They can do so only through both Q and each other. Once they do, Dazai will be able to be honest and Chuya will be able to understand.

Fyodor and Gogol

Fyodor and Gogol share Dazai and Chuya's religious motif:

Dazai is often compared to a demon and Chuya to a God

Fyodor calls himself a God and Gogol refers to himself as a rebel angel (aka the Devil)

This imagery highlights how all four characters feel separated from the rest of humanity. At the same time, Fyodor and Gogol are set up as Dazai and Chuya's dark foils. It means they are pejorative mirrors of the characters. They have some traits Dazai and Chuya also possess, but taken up to eleven. In particular, the two couples' juxtaposition is centered around control, freedom and how these two ideas impact relationships.

Fyodor and Dazai are both manipulators. They are able to read others' behaviors perfectly and can control others' actions. This is why they can build exploitative relationships, where others are just puppets. Fyodor fully embraces this part of himself. This is why he refuses to forge real bonds and pushes Gogol away. He can't accept a friend with his own free will. Dazai instead has learnt from his many bonds that he can't fully control other people. No matter how much he tries to turn Chuya into a slave, he never gives up his freedom. He tries his best to stop Oda from dying, but his friend goes on with his suicidal plan. Ango betrays Dazai, despite their friendship. Kunikida is able to surprise Dazai in their first mission together. And so on:

Gogol and Chuya both feel trapped by the world and are constantly fighting against a sense of nihilism:

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY) Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.

Gogol's freedom is nothingness. It is the same nothingness Chuya experiences in the lab, before his rebirth into the world. It is poignant that Gogol uses similar imagery to the one Chuya sings about in his song. Both talk about a cage and the ability to fly away free from gravity. However, this wish can't be realized because being humans means not to be fully free. Neither from morality nor from feelings. Gogol wishes to escape from himself. This is why he wants to murder Fyodor. Because Fyodor is his only bond, a tie. Chuya instead keeps binding himself to others. He starts with the Sheep, goes on with the Flags and with the Mafia. Gogol keeps on fighting to free himself from everything. Chuya instead accepts he is always going to be a prisoner.

In other words, Fyodor wants to control everyone, while Gogol refuses to give up even a small fragment of his freedom. This is why they push each other away and (apparently) lose to soukoku in the current arc. In order to have a bond, you need to trust the other person and to sacrifice some freedom to them. Fyodor and Gogol refuse, so they fail to forge a true relationship.

Dazai and Chuya have similar flaws, but they are lucky enough to have many people to teach them about friendships and bonds. This is why they can have relationships with others.

That said, it is possible the next confrontation soukoku has with Fyodor and Gogol (yes, Fyodor is gonna be okay and yes, they are set up to fight in the future) won't go as smoothly. After all, the role of a dark foil is to challenge the character so they can see their shortcomings. This is gonna happen to Dazai and Chuya, as well.

A TAINTED DARKNESS

Dazai and Chuya are two people with opposite personalities and the same existential emptiness. This is why they gravitate toward each other, but also repulse each other. Theirs isn't a bond that can fix pain. Rather, it is a bond, which is real, despite all its contradictions. In a sense, it is the opposite of Dazai's romanticized double suicide:

Dazai curled into the fetal position and screamed, "Dying with Chuuya? Anything but thaaaat!!" (Storm Bringer)

Dazai and Chuya don't heal each other. However, they keep on living along each other, despite the pain and the messiness. They don't make the darkness disappear, but they manage to taint each other's blackness.

This metaphor is brought home by their use of "corruption".

Upon the Tainted Sorrow is a metaphor of Chuya's inner depression and nihilism. Whenever he activates Corruption, he lets this side of him take over. He goes back to his dark loneliness.

No Longer Human is a skill that nullifies others' skills and it is a metaphor of how Dazai feels estranged from others. Not a human being.

And yet, Dazai is able to use his inhuman gift to bring to the surface Chuya's humanity. At the same time, Chuya's loneliness is tainted by Dazai's touch. Once again, another hand comes into his dark world and brings him back to life.

In conclusion, double black is really two tainted lonelinesses.

[solunstell]

Notes I've taken from Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen

On the cover, it looks liked dazai and chuuya are both balancing on strands of Rimbaud's hair??

In the third full color illustration, chuuya's eyes look brown

Chuuya's hair is described as reddish brown

Dazai saying that he was gonna join a quit the PM and join rival organization. The next paragraph points out that he isn't even a member of the PM lmao

Also, "do you have any idea how much you've put me through this past year?" Like what? I sooooo wanna know abt dazai age 14

Mori and dazai are "bound by a common destiny"

"Dazai showed flashes of brilliance one moment, but the next moment, they were gone. As soon as he seemed to have it all figured out, he'd confuse everyone by talking about his bizarre, meaningless fascination with suicide." Excellent characterization note

Mori can disarm a bomb

"'Why do you want to die?' / Dazai seemed puzzled as he looked back at Mori, like he genuinely didn't understand the question. Then, eyes full of youthful innocence, he responded: / 'Let me ask you something instead: Do you truly believe there's value in living?'

Dazai involving Hirotsu (who he just met) in his self convo by telling him not to use a painful method next time hirotsu plans on killing himself. Hirotsu saying he'll... keep that in mind.

Goodness I need more hirotsu and dazai moments

The fact that Chuuya's kick sends Dazai so far, despite the fact that Chuuya's gravity would disable upon impact, kinda proves my theory that Dazai's ability would not stop the momentum caused by Chuuya's ability in motion. This is later confirmed in another sentence

Chuuya calling dazai kid even though he's the same age

Chuuya and dazais first moment meeting having chuuya laughing :)

Dazai watches his hand being crushed quite easily, despite not liking pain. That's interesting. However, when kicked next, he does react

Hirotsu going 'back in my day I was just like you' lmao

Chuuya calls dazai: a twig, mummy boy, kid, bandages, slimeball

Dazai calls Chuuya: pip-squeak, a fairy, a schoolboy

Chuuya is described as having never lost a fight in his life while talking to Mori. That's interesting cuz he was just captured by the enemy

There's the love confession!

"'If only I'd been in the middle of that [explosion], I would've had a quick and painless death...' / 'Yeah, yeah. I'll beat you to a pulp as many times as you want later, so focus on the mission right now, okay?'"

Dazai acting like a blubbering scared child when caught by the enemy

Chuuya telling dazai to put on hard rock for a fight

Also seems like chuuya's ability no longer affects an object as soon as contact is cut.

"Even Dazai had forgotten to breathe as he watched the storm that was Chuuya decimate the battlefield."

When dazais talking to the dying man: "Dazai's expression was calm, but there was a faint twinkle deep within his eyes. The kind of twinkle a boy who wants to grow up to be a firefighter gets in his eyes when he sees his hero in the flesh."

Actually, the entire paragraph set of Dazai's break is really fascinating

Dazai brings wood for Randou's fire. Also, either he or Chuuya or both cover a draft hole for him.

Mori forbade them from violence to solve their problems, so of course the first fair thing to come to their heads is arcade games

They played close to a hundred matches. Fun date!

Dazai trying to give chuuya head pats

Chuuya is an excellent actor

At the party prep, dazai is playing playing modern pop music

According to chuuya, arahabaki doesn't have a mind or a personality

"The shield protested" dazai is the best shield lol

The boss saying he wishes he could chat abt old times with dazai. What old times? Dazai shouldn't have known him before his death? Unless he did

The mere thought of killing a child breaks rimbauds heart, with the child being dazai, but he's okay with killing chuuya? Rimbaud only sees chuuya as an ability to gain, it seems to me.

Skk calling each other by their first names for the first time (outside of around other people) when working together in a fight against rimbaud

"'Hmph...anything goes when you're a skill user from Europe, huh?'"

Dazai asking abt rimbauds final wishes

Q is put into dazais hands to figure out their ability. Q asks to play, and dazai says when q is older. I am now waiting for this playdate in canon

Also, dazai and mori both not knowing q's gender

Dazai is a cheater at games

The chuuya newsletters

Omg hiiiii verlaine

[mothzan]

Remember kids smoking isn't cool.

Unless you're skk.

[dazai-fan-page]

I know it's not my fandom of choice but since it's animated I dub it close enough, Hazbin Hotel people can y'all stop hating on Valentino stans and fan content? The character's an ass and I don't like him much bc Angel, however you have to remember that he's not real. If you don't want to see anything about that character, block people and tags don't start being a dick to real people because they think a character is fun and you don't.

I am in no way saying that Val is a good guy, I am saying that Hellverse is 18+ so you could at least act like adults. And to those like me who ignored the age thing, you chose to do that so now you have to be mature about what you found, fiction isn't real, what someone likes in fiction has nothing to do with what they like or support irl ok?

Next, the fatphobia surrounding "fixing Val's character design" trend is not it, what the fuck guys? Abusers, especially ones who run entertainment businesses, are very likely going to be conveniently attractive or charismatic. Val's a moth bc it makes sense with his character, he's supposed to be attractive for the same reason. So doing redesigns where y'all make him "ugly" is usually just making him fat.

I don't really care what vivzi did or didn't do so if you want me to elaborate on anything, I don't know about what she did I haven't looked into it. I mostly just watched the shows and fandom to fandom, y'all need to chill out. In fighting sucks and none of us are getting into the cool kids clubs so we could at least treat each other decently.

I'm not sayin roll over of someones a dick I'm saying that if you see something you don't like you can ignore it. You don't have to be the dick in the situation.

I try to tread lightly in this fandom bc it's a lot of NSFW and a lot of adults don't want to deal w/ minors seeing their shit and I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable by being around. But holy fucking shit I can't go anywhere without someone trying to say that you a real person are bad for being entertained by a fictional character created to be entertaining, it's stupid.

Also Huskerdust gives me major Skk vibes and I love it tbh. There's the Dazai part of this

[welivetodream]

Do people really think that skk hate eachother?

After the fight with Lovecraft, we have a scene where Dazai smiles at Chuuya; this is one of the only genuine smiles we ever get from Dazai. Most of the time he is playing up a facade and he is very hard to read but he always seems to smile more genuinely when he is around Chuuya, especially when Chuuya isn't looking at him.

What I think those two have are very complicated feelings that haven't changed since they were 15-18.

Skk never got to be friends, they were always partners, "Double Black", Port Mafia's prodigies. They didn't get the chance to just be kids and see the better sides of eachother, their relationship didn't grow organically over the years but became stunted at a time when both of them were only teenagers. Thrust in an environment where there's not much positivity, Skk were always at odds because of their clashing personalities and mutual dislike (and their similarities)

I don't think that dislike ever became hate. I think they did become closer as the years passed, but then of course Dazai left.

While saying Chuuya was sad when Dazai left is a way to show their care for eachother. I would say, Chuuya was REALLY angry when Dazai left (that's why he drank that expensive wine, it was out of spite). How can he leave? Does he have no loyalty to the PM? Does he have no loyalty to Chuuya? They were partners, he can't just leave without a word.

Dazai left without a word because he knew how mad Chuuya would be at him when he finds out, he knew if he thought about Chuuya there would be a part of him that wouldn't want to leave this partnership that they have had since three years. It was something that gave him excitement in this "worthless thing they call living" it was his will to live. He also didn't want the PM to think Chuuya was involved with him and helped him in leaving.

I do think Dazai leaving PM made Chuuya dislike him even more. Dazai was not only annoying, he was also disloyal.

But when it comes to Dazai, I don't think he hated Chuuya at all. His fondness for Chuuya is what makes him not want to like him. It's the same way Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor for being the only one who understands him. Dazai doesn't want to kill Chuuya, when he says "I have been thinking about ways to kill Chuuya since 7 years" it's a lie, a joke for him, a facade. He could have done that any time in 7 years but he chose not to. He knows when it comes to it, he can't kill Chuuya.

Chuuya would say he hates Dazai but goes out of his way to save him everytime. In Dead Apple, he risked his own life to save Dazai who could have been dead for all he knew. But he still took the chance, believing that Dazai would have a plan and that he would know that Chuuya is going to risk it. (Also I wholeheartedly believe Dazai has some fantasies about being rescued by Chuuya, that Mf totally does)

Their trust in eachother is so strong, that even when they are on the enemy side, they are able to work together, putting their differences apart. They have never had a "real" fight like Atsushi and Akutagawa, it's more of snide remarks and calling nicknames, like their teenage selves.

I don't think Chuuya is aware of these complicated feelings, he has manifested his dislike of Dazai's antics and personality to a point he had hidden his care for him. On the other hand, Dazai is very aware of these feelings, he knows he cares. So he fakes it, acting out as usual the idea that he hates Chuuya, because he knows loving and caring for someone does not end well for him (look at Oda). He doesn't want to lose another person he cares for.

In retrospect as memeable and funny those two "confession" scenes are in S5; it's the first time Dazai is not lying, he is acknowledging his care for Chuuya in a way it feels authentic and real to Fyodor, so they could trick him. It's their plan, yes, but the reason it feels real is because IT IS. No wonder Chuuya shot him so many times ("Dazai's being stupid again, making me feel things, embarrassing me in front of the enemy").

This isn't a shipping post, I do ship Skk, but their bond is so deep that you can look at it in a platonic way and very little would change.

[sickficideas]

dazai who regularly gets vertigo that sometimes eventually leads to migraines. he always tries to work through them, but sometimes it just gets too bad & he collapses. cue chuuya caretaking <3 (thinking mostly pm skk)

thank u for the delicious ask anon...dazai is not the only one suffering in this fic, there's so much suffering to go around teehee..

ao3! 4.5k words, sickfic - please refer to the link for additional tags!

you're a headache || skk sickfic

Dazai is hoping it's just the antiseptic smell. He doesn't want to think about the other possibilities.

He sits down on one of the cots as soon as the dizzy spell hits him. He's learned over the years that sitting down right away seems to mitigate some of the effects of his vertigo, but it's gotten worse over time, and it's getting more and more difficult to hide.

"You good?"

Chuuya's voice. Dazai almost forgot he was there with him. He was the one that carried Akutagawa all the way here. Dazai's secretly thankful for it, because he certainly wouldn't have been able to do it himself.

"I'm fine," Dazai groans. Chuuya stuffs his phone into a pocket as he slips back past the curtain, eyeing Akutagawa's unconscious form with far more concern than necessary, Dazai thinks. "Did you get ahold of them?"

"Yeah. They're sending someone over to come get him with our ambulance," Chuuya huffs, leaning against the wall opposite to Dazai. This isn't a good situation. Akutagawa's injuries are too severe for him to be treated long-term by the infirmary staff at headquarters, and he needs to be taken to their own emergency facility. Dazai can't quite tell where he's bleeding from at this point. His head and thigh injuries bled the most, but he has several broken ribs and a fractured collarbone that's jutting out of his skin. He's almost certain one of his arms are dislocated, and Dazai would have put it back in place himself if the kid's collarbone wasn't staring right back at him.

Unfortunately, even if his injuries weren’t this severe, he’s extremely uncooperative and requires sedation to be treated. The infirmary staff have refused to treat him even for minor things in the past.

Dazai sighs, dropping his head in his hands, not caring much about the dried blood that they're covered in. “Such a pain.”

"At least he stopped bleeding," Chuuya sighs.

Dazai nods.

He probably needs to tell Gin. Akutagawa was supposed to go home tonight, but he has a feeling that won't be for a while, now.

Dazai almost never sees Akutagawa’s injuries the moment they happen. He’s learned to use Rashomon to keep injuries quite literally under wraps, and he can stop his own bleeding pretty well if he has the focus for it, but not this time. He fainted as a result of the blood he lost before Dazai even realized he was injured. He has no idea how he managed to hide that collarbone injury.

He has a much higher pain tolerance than Dazai could ever dream of. Here he is, half a collarbone snapped off and poking out, and Dazai thinks he might start crying if this headache turns into a migraine like he's suspecting.

Dazai pulls out his phone to find Gin's contact. He considers texting her, but this is sort of urgent, so he hits the call button and presses the phone up to his ear. Chuuya tilts his head, and Dazai has to hold himself back on making a comment about him looking like a confused dog.

"Gin. Hey. Akutagawa got hurt pretty bad today. They're taking him up to the hospital at the Port for further treatment. I can text you the information when I get it," he says. Gin doesn't speak when she's working, so he doesn't expect a response. There's just silence for a moment before she hangs up, a simple acknowledgment that she heard him.

"Gin? That Black Lizard kid?" Chuuya asks.

"Mhm," Dazai asks, tossing his phone over to the end of the cot. Chuuya looks confused, but Dazai doesn't feel like explaining anything to him.

For a moment, Akutagawa's body tenses up and he clenches his teeth through a pained groan, but he stays unconscious. Chuuya's expression tenses up just the same.

"Go back to work," Dazai grumbles. He only asked Chuuya for help because he was nearby when Akutagawa passed out. He doesn't need him anymore.

Chuuya scoffs. "You go back to work."

"I can't. I have to make sure my dog doesn't kill anyone when he wakes up," Dazai drawls as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Stop calling him that, Dazai," he hisses.

"I'll call him whatever I want, Chuuya," Dazai groans. He doesn't have the energy to argue about meaningless things like this, but he will if it's Chuuya.

Chuuya, for some reason, doesn't seem to be so willing to leave. He leans against the wall and closes his eyes for a minute or so. Dazai isn't sure how long he's been working for, at this point. The bags under his eyes are telling enough. Regardless, he was there quickly enough when Dazai called to help him stop Akutagawa's bleeding.

"Why is he like that, anyway?"

"Like what?" Dazai groans, shooting a glare up at the latter. His voice sounds like metal grating on metal on Dazai's aching brain. He knows he's quickly developing a migraine - or, it's only hit him now that he has time to actually think.

"I saw him last time. Take that nurse's head off," Chuuya says. The memory sends a shiver up Dazai's spine. He's seen a lot of horrific things in his time in the mafia, but he's never seen a clean, instantaneous decapitation like that. Akutagawa is often heavily disoriented when he wakes up, especially when he's injured or ill, and that happened as a result.

Akutagawa didn't speak for two weeks after that happened, and Dazai could never seem right figure out why.

"He's from the slums," Dazai mumbles. His vision starts to list sideways as he straightens himself up, and he tries his best to hide any sign of his vertigo from Chuuya.

"Yeah?" Chuuya asks. He's starting to look irritated. "The fuck's that mean, Dazai? I'm from the slums too, asshole. What's that got to do with decapitating people for no reason?"

"I'm like, ninety-seven percent sure he was trafficked, so, more that sort of thing," Dazai says casually, not at all thrown off Chuuya's random defensive bite.

Chuuya loses some of the color in his face.

"Shit," he curses, letting out a shaky breath.

"I mean, I don't know for sure. I know he wouldn't tell me. But I'd say there's a good chance," Dazai shrugs. "Sure you saw your fair share of that."

Chuuya doesn't say anything, but he knows the answer. He thinks the two of them probably have a lot more in common than either of them realize.

"Maybe you could ask him, since you like him so much. He'd probably tell you," Dazai teases.

"What the hell is your problem? He can't stand anyone but you. He wouldn't tell me," Chuuya scoffs. "I wouldn't ask about something like that anyway, you freak. It's not my business."

Dazai has tuned him out at this point. He doesn't care much to hear Chuuya's defenses, he was really only doing it to get a rise out of him, but now he regrets it. Chuuya's voice is normally a cacophony in Dazai's ears, but now with his ever-present migraine, it's making him much more aware of the dull throbbing in the back of his head.

"Shut up, will you? You'll wake up my dog," Dazai groans, dropping his head back into his hands. Chuuya won't care if Dazai tells him the real reason, he's sure, but he's much more likely to comply for Akutagawa's sake, for some reason.

"Call him your dog one more time," Chuuya grumbles to himself, but Dazai ignores him.

It's silent again for a while. Dazai doesn't have much concept of how much time has passed, he's simply trying to will away his migraine, somehow. Chuuya refuses to leave. It might be a good thing. He can probably carry Akutagawa out once they arrive to pick him up. Dazai couldn't carry him even if he wanted to.

Then, of course, the nausea hits him.

"I'll be right back," Dazai grumbles. He figures he's probably not walking as straight as he thinks, but he's more worried about getting to the bathroom in time than hiding his vertigo from Chuuya, at this point. He pulls the curtain back and stumbles toward the bathroom, one hand clamped over his mouth just in case his stomach contents decide to make a reappearance before he can do it of his own free will.

He drops to his knees with a groan as soon as he closes the door behind him, and he lays his head on the toilet seat. His head is spinning so much that he can't see straight. He has no idea how he managed to get here so quickly. Muscle memory, his strong desire to get away from Chuuya, it's anyone's guess.

"Fuck," he groans, spitting his saliva into the water. So far, there's no sign of Chuuya following him over, not that Dazai is too aware of his surroundings right now anyway. He tries to turn his head to see if he can see anything from the space beneath the door, but everything suddenly turns on its side, and he chokes up a mouthful of vomit. The only sign he has that it landed in the toilet is the splash he hears - he can't see anything.

His brain feels like it's thumping against his skull, which is a sensation so nauseating that it makes everything else feel so much worse. He whines, much rather wishing someone would put him out of his misery. This surely isn't worth surviving.

Whatever forces itself out of his stomach next is strong enough for Dazai to consider it near projectile. He feels it coming out of his nose, which is only adding to the list of awful sensations he's feeling.

He whines to himself, not caring much about how pathetic he must sound. He spits up another mouthful of vomit with a wet burp.

“Hngh…”

He tries not to move his head too much, but he can't stay here for long. He reaches forward to flush, hardly with enough energy to. He's sure he'll have to go with them once they take Akutagawa just as a precaution, and they should be here any minute. He takes a wad of toilet paper to wipe his mouth and nose. His throat already burns so bad.

He has to use the toilet seat for support to get up, and he finds himself leaning heavily against the wall as he's hit with another bout of vertigo. He's lucky he already threw up, or else he's sure this bout would have made him vomit all over the tile floor.

He keeps a hand along the wall as he finds the door, and once he opens it, he has to lean on the bathroom door frame for support. He can't get away with hiding it, not now. If he tries, he'll pass out for sure.

Chuuya is glaring at him, an eyebrow raised. Dazai doesn't have any clue how long he's been out here.

"Did you just throw up?" Chuuya asks.

Dazai groans, pressing his forehead up against the frame. He wishes Chuuya were more like Akutagawa. He's trained the latter to be silent if he notices anything wrong with him, but Chuuya always has to point it out. Annoying.

"The hell's wrong with you, Dazai? You've been weird this whole time," Chuuya huffs. He takes a step forward, almost looking like he wants to approach him for some reason, but Dazai just turns his head back to the side. He feels awful.

"Nothing. Go away, slug."

And then it hits him again, as soon as he takes a step forward and loses the support of the door frame. It feels almost like one foot landed where it was supposed to, and the other somehow took a step on the wall, and now his head is rushing toward the floor.

Of course, Chuuya catches him before he can turn his migraine into a head injury.

Dazai makes no effort to move. He'd do anything to wriggle out of Chuuya's hold right now, but he's practically incapacitated right now, his eyes screwed shut in some attempt to get some control over what he's seeing.

"Dazai -"

"It's just this shitty vertigo," Dazai mumbles quietly, trying to peer his eyes open. "I'll be fine, just -"

Chuuya doesn't give him any room to defend himself. He scoops him up without a second of deliberation.

Dazai finds himself lying in one of the cots in no time at all, one in a closed room. He doesn't trust himself to open his eyes just yet, but he can tell it's dark in here. That usually helps. He probably should lie down for a while.

"Stay here and don't fucking get up," Chuuya huffs before he pulls the curtain closed, and Dazai covers his ears a bit too late, the metal rings sliding along the pole proving to be a bit too much for him. He's not sure why Chuuya was in such a rush to leave, but he hears his phone ringing off in the distance. They must be here to get Akutagawa.

Dazai curls up on his side, taking the pillow and holding it over his head to dull his senses some. It still feels like he's cascading down a waterfall inside of a wooden barrel, but now that he thinks about it, he'd rather actually be doing that. At least he has death to look forward to at the end. This is just pointless suffering.

He hears something. He's not sure what. Something falling against the tile, some sort of a struggle.

"Hey. You're okay. You're in the infirmary, at headquarters," he hears Chuuya say sternly. "Dazai's right in there. He fell asleep."

Dazai can't even remotely muster the energy to get up. Akutagawa's awake, and he's not there to negate his ability.

Get away from him, he wants to say. Akutagawa's true intentions don't matter, the fact is he could easily kill Chuuya in those first blinded moments before he realizes where he is.

But he doesn't hear anything. He doesn't hear any kind of struggle at all, not past that first bit.

Dazai scoffs to himself. Of course he's fine with Chuuya. Of course Chuuya can handle himself.

And then he hears it again. Some kind of struggle.

He forces his head up off the bed, which proves to be a massive mistake. His head swims and rolls off his shoulders, it feels like, reminding him how horribly nauseous he is, and he leans over the side of the cot to try to vomit on the floor, but he's greatly misinterpreted how far off the cot he leaned because of the vertigo, and his whole body tumbles to the floor.

He doesn't have the energy to even lift his head to vomit. Whatever he manages to choke out just slides off of his tongue and spreads on the floor next to his face.

He'd rather be blackout drunk than this.

…

"Dazai," Chuuya mumbles. He hates how concerned he sounds. He doesn't often let himself be read like that.

"I'm fine," Dazai barely manages to croak out, but he's not really sure where he is. He thinks he might be back in that same bed, which means Chuuya moved him from where he was, laying in his own vomit.

It's still dark. Dazai is lying on his back, feeling significantly less dizzy, but now he's met with what feels like the worst migraine of his life, pounding through his skull like there's no tomorrow. He whines, grabbing a fistful of the sheets he's lying on for some kind of distraction.

He feels something damp press against his cheek, and he manages to open an eye to see it's still only Chuuya, rubbing a washcloth on the side of his face. Dazai groans and tries to turn his head away. He realizes there's a washcloth laid over his forehead, too. He doesn't think he has a fever, but it does feel nice.

"Cut it out. Trying to clean your face up," Chuuya grumbles, his free hand taking Dazai's chin to turn his head back in his direction. "What the hell even happened, Dazai? I come back and you're passed out on the floor and laying in your own puke?"

"'M fine," Dazai mumbles. He's exhausted. He can't have been passed out for long.

"No you're not. This isn't normal," Chuuya huffs. His brow furrows.

"'s just a migraine," he says quietly, but he can hardly speak. His voice rattling around in his brain is making his already insanely painful headache worse. He wants to tell Chuuya it's not a big deal. He gets these all the time, they're just bad for the first few hours and then he's okay, but he can't get the words out.

Chuuya, somehow, seems to realize this.

"You should've fuckin' said so," he whispers with a click of his tongue, somehow already understanding that other voices are making it worse.

Dazai's eyes fall shut. He's grateful for it being so quiet in the infirmary tonight. He didn't see a single member of the staff so far, or any patients. Now it's just him and Chuuya.

He hears something click, and realizes Chuuya has shut off the lights in the main hall of the infirmary, too. It's almost completely dark, aside from the emergency light just barely peeking past the curtain.

"I'll come back later. Gonna report to the boss," Chuuya whispers.

There's blood on Chuuya's face. Dazai can trace the faint outline of it, but he disappears before Dazai can figure out where it's coming from. This time, not a single ring of the curtain moves on the metal bar. It's a silent exit. Dazai's impressed.

He lets go of a shaky sigh.

…

"I'm not gonna move him."

Chuuya's voice wakes him. Dazai groans, beyond annoyed to have any voice wake him up - let alone Chuuya - until he manages to remember where he is.

"He's not injured. Just leave 'im. I've got it covered," Chuuya says.

Dazai hears the hushed voices of some nurses, and as he pries his eyes open, he realizes the lights in the main hall of the infirmary are on again, spilling into the dark room he's been resting in. He wonders how long it's been. He hasn't had time to properly rest in a few weeks, at the very least, so he's lost track of time.

The nurses' voices have stopped, and Dazai hears Chuuya's footsteps.

He's still very quiet. Dazai can only hear the fabric ruffle when Chuuya slips past the curtain, and Dazai lets himself fall still again, pretending to still be asleep. He doesn't hear a sound from Chuuya at first, but soon enough, he lets out a deep sigh, and it sounds like he slides down against the wall, opposite to the curtain.

Dazai turns his head just enough that he'll be able to see Chuuya's face.

He looks exhausted. If Dazai had really just woken up, he would have thought Chuuya was dead asleep, the way his head is hanging down. For just a second, Dazai feels something akin to guilt. The blood Dazai remembered from earlier has since dried and cracked against his skin, and his skin is pale, but Dazai isn’t sure why.

"Sleeping on the floor's not good for you, Chibi," Dazai teases, his voice hoarse, hardly above a whisper.

"Fucking hell, Dazai," Chuuya growls, obviously startled, his eyes wide and fixed on Dazai. If Dazai had been any louder, he might've hit his head on the wall from the surprise, "I thought you were asleep, dammit."

"I was, but your annoying voice woke me," Dazai complains with an overdramatic sigh, laying his forearm over his eyes.

"How's your head?" Chuuya asks, evidently not interested in Dazai's taunts. He uses support from the wall to help himself get up, or rather, struggle to, and Dazai hears a quiet groan from him. He’s holding a hand against his abdomen, just for a moment.

"Worse now that you're here," Dazai mumbles under his breath, turning over on the cot. He's still not a huge fan of the lights.

"Seriously, you ugly fuckin' mackerel. Do you feel better or not?" Chuuya groans.

"A little," he admits. It's not nearly as awful as it was before. He can handle the sound of his own voice, at least. The headache is still present, and he's not sure he wants to test his luck with the vertigo and try to sit up, but he's better for now.

Dazai moves his hand back down to his side, and finds a damp washcloth beside his pillow, likely replaced at some point during his sleep. He tosses it over to Chuuya, who doesn't react nearly as quickly as he shoulder.

"You demanding motherfu-"

"Wash your face," Dazai huffs, "unsightly. What kind of executive are you?"

He's teasing, of course, but Chuuya doesn't seem to understand what he's referring to. Normally, Chuuya wouldn't dream of using something to wash his face that's already touched Dazai, but he wipes his cheek and checks the cloth, surprised to find blood.

"Oh, that's…" Chuuya mumbles to himself. He sits down on the cot.

"Akutagawa?" Dazai asks.

"He was scared," Chuuya murmurs, of course, right away to Akutagawa's defense. His fingers graze across the dried cut on his forehead. "You…you need to be more gentle with him."

Chuuya's words are lost to him. He's more concerned with the way Chuuya's looking right now, like he'd pass out any second. He's seen his head bob forward a few times now.

"Lay down," Dazai mumbles. Chuuya meets his gaze for a few moments. Dazai expects him to argue, but he thinks he's so exhausted that he doesn't even give himself a second to think of any retort. He just lays on his side at the end of the bed and curls up, like a cat. Dazai's noticed he often sleeps like that. It almost seems defensive.

"You piss me off," Chuuya murmurs, his voice already heavy with sleep, whispered. Dazai watches all the tension leave his body, but he keeps his gaze on Dazai for as long as he can, before another force makes his eyelids fall shut.

"Yeah, yeah," Dazai whispers, watching Chuuya as he starts to fall asleep.

Only a few moments later, a nurse peaks her head in through the curtains, not as careful to avoid the metal scraping as Chuuya was. Dazai grits his teeth at the sound, but he turns his head, an eyebrow raised at the woman.

"Is he asleep?" she asks so quietly Dazai can hardly hear her. There's one or two more nurses behind her. Dazai just nods, thinking it was obvious enough. "We've been trying to get him to rest all morning."

"All morning?" Dazai asks.

"Yes, he's been in here with you the whole time…he refused to rest," she says. "Please let us know if you need something, sir."

"Turn the lights back off out there, will you?" Dazai sighs, and the nurse nods fervently, disappearing past the curtains. Dazai sighs, long and annoyed, and plans on shutting his eyes and going back to sleep before he feels something warm under the heel of his foot.

At first, he’s inclined to make a joke, but all of the little things he’s noticed have come together to make him realize that Chuuya’s blood is soaking the mattress, and he’s still unconscious. Dazai forces himself to sit up to get a better look at him, and his head swims, proving he’s still not completely recovered from his migraine.

“Chuuya,” Dazai breathes out. He grabs his shoulder, but he doesn’t budge.

Dazai shouts for a nurse.

…

Chuuya’s color is finally starting to come back. Dazai takes note of that. It’s a good sign, even though he’s still fast asleep.

The nurses aren’t too worried about him not waking up. The wound on his abdomen bled a lot, and they’re a bit worried about infection, but at the moment they say it’s nothing he needs a hospital visit for.

Evidently, it was an injury caused by Akutagawa, but Dazai is at a loss for why Chuuya refused to tell anyone, let alone get it treated. He’s sure Chuuya has his own noble bullshit reason for it, something Dazai could never even dream of understanding.

“Can’t you ever just let me suffer by myself?” Dazai grumbles, his head on a pillow beside Chuuya’s. He doesn’t expect Chuuya to answer, but he hopes he subconsciously absorbs the message.

“Fuck you,” Chuuya mutters, his eyes still shut. Dazai didn’t realize that he woke up. His voice is hoarse and heavy with sleep. “Can you shut up? My head hurts.”

“Boo hoo,” Dazai huffs. He manages to fish a free hand out from under the sheets to flick Chuuya in the forehead. Chuuya groans, snatching the sheet they’re both under and pulling it over his head.

“How’s yours,” Chuuya mumbles from under the sheet.

“My what?”

“Your head. Moron,” he huffs.

“I’m fine. Go back to sleep, slug,” Dazai tells him, taking the sheet back so he can see his face. Chuuya’s glaring at him. “Stop worrying about me so much. It’s weird.”

“You’re weird. Ugh,” Chuuya grumbles, tucking his head back into the pillow. “Tell me the next time something’s wrong with you, freak. I don’t wanna find you passed out in your own puke again.”

“And I don’t want you bleeding out in the be I’m laying in again, chibi. Take your own dumb advice,” Dazai groans.

“It was deeper than I thought,” Chuuya mumbles defensively. Dazai knows it was much more complicated than that, but he won’t press for more details. Chuuya’s thought process is a mystery to him, and he’d like to keep it that way. “Dazai?”

“What, slug?” Dazai groans.

“I was trafficked too,” Chuuya mumbles. It’s much quieter than everything else he’s said, and any anger or annoyance has long since left his expression.

“I figured,” Dazai says back quietly. His chest tightens up, and he’s not sure why. He knows how common that sort of thing is in the slums, it doesn’t surprise him at all that that’s something Chuuya went through, but he’s at a loss for why Chuuya’s deciding to tell him.

“Waking up and not knowing where you are’s fucking scary,” Chuuya grumbles. “I don’t…I don’t blame Akutagawa for freaking out.”

“Never said I did, Chuuya,” Dazai reminds him. He recalls simply answering Chuuya’s question as to why Akutagawa reacts the way that he does.

“So don’t punish him. It’s not his fault,” Chuuya mumbles.

Dazai sighs. That’s what he’s getting at, then. “I won’t.”

Chuuya relaxes, just a bit, and only then Dazai realizes how tense he was.

“Will you go to sleep now?” Dazai huffs, trying to force some sort of annoyed tone to get Chuuya to comply, but he’s already halfway there. The exhaustion takes over him one more time. Chuuya’s always been one to fall asleep quickly.

Dazai brushes some of Chuuya’s overgrown bangs from his eyes. He really doesn't want to know how all of this would have gone if Chuuya wasn’t there - between Akutagawa’s injuries and Dazai being nearly completely incapacitated from his migraine, Chuuya took care of it all, and completely neglected himself in the process.

He’s far too selfless. Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever understand it.

[daz4i]

please please please share dazai fear analysis 🤲

hehe well i'm not gonna get too in depth (mostly bc my brain isn't at 100% atm) but a short version bc i don't wanna leave you hanging,

i'm basing this on no longer human and yozo, like most of my dazai analysis hehe. in nlh he talks often about how painfully afraid he is of p much everything, because he doesn't understand people, and he doesn't want to get caught if he does anything wrong, too afraid to say no because he doesn't know how the other person will react, etc

i think. if you apply this reading to bsd dazai, a lot of his behavior makes sense, as well as adds depth to him and his more questionable actions

a p obvious example: the whole meursault arc, i think he is genuinely afraid to die, because he knows if he does then fyodor will come out on top and hurt his loved ones, destroy the whole world even. clearly, he is afraid of losing the people dear to him (but that's a very normal reaction lbr lol)

a general example: his constant acting like everything is fine to hide his real emotions - which, during his early mafia days, took form in looking blank and emotionless - can be a fear response of not knowing how other people will react to his true feelings, either due to past trauma where his emotions were dismissed or he got hurt for expressing them, or imo, more likely, due to a lack of understanding other people and not quite knowing what'll tick them off

(which might sound silly, bc he purposely ticks people off and looks to annoy people. but, this is a way to have control over the situation. that if the other person gets mad at him, he clearly knows why, he knows what he did to cause this, so this is like a precautionary measure to make sure he's not caught off guard. his fear isn't quite of their anger, or even getting hurt by their anger, but rather a lack of control or understanding of the situation)

a possibly controversial example: the way he acted with akutagawa during the dark era. i think, if you look at his actions as "basically a kid who is afraid to see this kid he found get hurt in combat, so he tries to make him stronger no matter what, and in the meantime is afraid to get attached in case the other kid does die so he tries to distance himself from him emotionally" it ofc doesn't excuse his actions, but imo, makes them. a bit more understandable, in a way. at least enough to somewhat empathize with him more

[this might be a slight side tangent but i have this hc i firmly believe in, that dazai caused ryuu's lung disease by injuring him somehow (given how he doesn't have it in the beast universe), and one of the reasons he's more gentle with atsushi is because he's afraid to hurt him too. not the main reason, but i do think it may add some depth here]

i do think he eased up after being in the ada for awhile - life became mostly predictable, nothing he couldn't handle - but. things changed, and now he's on edge again (turning you to story's lovely analysis that i keep referencing in a lot of my own dazai analysis bc it's so so good). fyodor coming back into his life certainly didn't help, either

now. since i can't not bring up his relationship with chuuya. i do think he has an easier time trusting chuuya because he knows he can handle himself. he doesn't feel the need to control him - always leaving him a choice in their plans - because he's not afraid of what could happen to him, he knows chuuya will be fine. also, their relationship started in such an awful way he doesn't need to hide his emotions around him :P this is why i think he has an easier time being with chuuya really, he's a momentary break from being in constant fear. this might also be why he's so obnoxious when chuuya's around lmao (idk how much of this is actual analysis rather than "if you read them this way it adds a nice depth" so feel free to take this part with a grain of salt, i will always be the first to admit i'm not the best at reading skk hehe)

and while i didn't finish sb yet he does seem to be. really afraid in a lot of the scenes he's in, from what i read so far askjdfg bc now chuuya is in real danger! in a way he can't predict! this hasn't happened yet! (but i could ofc bc very wrong abt that lol)

(also i gotta say. i think this is what odasaku was for him too - ofc in addition to other things - bc he knows odasaku wouldn't hurt him or react in a bad way even if he did anything outrageous. and that's in part what made his rejection in beast so devastating for him, bc it shakes up one of the only safe things in his life)

i'd say, dazai's fear isn't paralyzing, at least not for more than a second a time. it makes him active, makes him overthink, over-analyze, over-prepare. and at the same time, he does it mostly from behind the scenes, through nudging and subtle encouragements, because he may possibly fear that if he went at it with full force, the people he already got attached to will reject him (bc at his core, i think he doesn't want to be alone, but that's a topic for another time). but more importantly - that he will become like fyodor, or like mori, who see people as disposable if it helps them further their goals

^now this is more of his current self, at least. i'd argue mafia!dazai's fears were different, more of a direct fear from people and how they might hurt him, so it's best for him to go along with what they say. and, a fear of a lack of meaning. he does constantly look for a reason to live, and that may come from a fear that his existence is truly meaningless (and while for most people this fear may express itself as fearing death as well, in dazai's case it's his suicidal tendencies. kind of like proving his fear is real, the way a kid might look at the monster they think is scary to convince themselves it can't hurt them. he will die and prove his existence WAS meaningless, but that idea can't actually hurt him at the end of the day if he chooses it. idk if this analogy makes sense to anyone but me tho lmao sorry)

i. don't know how clear this is. i may have lost the plot there at some point. again let me clarify this is obviously not a "this is how dazai is and any other reading is wrong" but more like "if you apply this reading it changes the context of his characters and explains his behavior and how i personally see him". also a lot of projection 👍 ajsdfghj feel free to see it as just a thought experiment if it doesn't quite fit your perception of him :)!

[bunglegaydogs]

HEY LOL

It's been a FAT while since I did a little ramble

But I was bored because I'm not in college until next week, I have the house to myself and NOTHING TO DO

So, take this deluded 5pm rant xoxo

Basically, what I just wanted to ramble on about is Soukoku (shocker, I know.), and in all honesty the humanity between them both.

Between both Chuuya and Dazai, humanity is a touchy subject. Chuuya strives to actively be more human, does anything to hold onto the fact that he is, still, a human. Whereas Dazai on the other hand has essentially given up, not thinking of his life as something worthy of being a human, and essentially wishing to throw it away.

Trust me, I don't know where I'm going with this rant/ramble. But I'm going somewhere.

I think that it's one of the major factors in why Chuuya hates Dazai so much; Dazai has proof of being alive, memories, moments that can assure him of his humanity. But Chuuya? Chuuya doesn't have that. Chuuya lost the first years of his life, gone. Can't remember them. He's a lab rat. He's an experiment.

Chuuya struggles a LOT with his identity, as we know. And in Stormbringer, the thought that he could be a clone fucked him up. Then having to fight that said clone after he watched it melt in his arms? Yikes.

So, naturally, he's going to despise Dazai for treating something that Chuuya craves so desperately, so carelessly. As far as we know, Dazai hasn't had to worry about a fucking God inside of him, or worry about whether or not he's actually a clone, or worry about whether or not he is a real human being.

Except, he pretty much does.

Despite being human, nobody, not even himself, thinks that he is.

That's the part that fucks me up about their relationship; Dazai is determined to die on the hill that says Chuuya is human. Chuuya is determined to live on the hill that tells him Dazai is an inhuman, unfeeling person.

Dazai fights tooth and fucking nail to prove Chuuya's humanity. Even when told that Chuuya is most definitely a clone of his original copy, he's still so adamant that Chuuya is a living, breathing, human being. But to Chuuya, the feeling isn't mutual. Dazai is emotionless, unfeeling, inhuman. He's not capable of empathy nor sympathy to others, and he treats his own life so carelessly, holding no regard for his own being and putting himself into these dangerous, reckless situations, wishing for death or something as close to it. He has a life that he doesn't try to live. Chuuya resents him for that. Chuuya has a life that he wants to live, making up for all that he lost in the beginning. And seeing Dazai just treat his own as if it means nothing irritates him. Seeing Dazai treat death as a whole irritates him.

GAH I know that this is a ramble, and so I am, in fact, rambling, but still I don't know I'm making no sense lol.

It just really intrigues me how their relationship works in regard to each other's humanity.

Because, when Chuuya first met Dazai, he thought this;

The figure was silent for a moment. Then he finally saw Dazai, and realized that he was dealing with a person that had personality. "Huh. I thought you were going to cry and run away, but you're a surprisingly radical kid."

I made a post on this a little while back. The fact that, by Dazai asking Chuuya instead to just kill him now, Chuuya responds with the thought that he's dealing "with a person that had personality". He recognises that there's more to Dazai off the bat; it's obvious, but he's different to most other people. And instead of thinking "What the fuck" he thinks "this is a person". I know it's not him explicitly saying "This is a human" but even still. I don't know. Maybe I'm the bat-shit crazy one, but something doesn't sit right with me in that there.

I really don't know where I am going with this, but I'm not finished lol. SKK humanity dynamics fuck me up.

More about Dazai's adamancy of Chuuya's humanity, the fact that Verlaine, the one person in the world the most similar to Chuuya and his situation, is telling Dazai that there's no chance that he's a human. Dazai isn't stupid, he knows the vivid similarities between Chuuya and Verlaine. How Verlaine can probably understand him better than most, and vice versa. However, Dazai doesn't budge. It's so much gayer in the stageplay though and it makes me piss. The fact that, in the LN, he says "It's not possible for him to be artificial, because how could I hate an artificial set of strings so much?" BUT IN THE FUCKING STAGE PLAY? "If he wasn't an artificial set of strings, he'd like me more." (Ik these aren't the direct quotes, I've misremembered, but I'm not digging through my reblogs and Stormbringer just yet to bring up the exact quotes, but they're along those lines. Sorry <3)

LMAOOOO THIS GAYASS FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER FRR

Sorry it just gets me feral.

Anyways.

I think that's maybe the end of this for now because my dogs are barking and I don't know why so I'm going to need to go check that lol.

There's certainly far fucking more to say, but that's for another day lmao (spitting bars fr).

I hope anyone reading this has a lovely day/night! ^^ <3

xoxo

[play-rough]

Here's the third one because this idea has been haunting me for a while:

Aku and Chuuya take Atsushi and Dazai for a playdate, probably at one of their houses. I just think it would be so cute Chuuya seeing Aku taking care of Atsushi and vice-versa. If Atsushi gets a plushie (probably a tiger because Aku probs think that's hilarious and clever (it's not lol)), than they can play house with Fishie and the tiger! Aku and Chuuya would probably end up being roped into playing by Dazai's baby eyes and Atsushi's brute force of will that comes with being a kid that walks up to six years old lol

Also, I get really soft thinking about Aku being called for an emergency job and Chuuya being left to take care of the both of them for a couple hours (not a long job, just maybe 3-4 hours?). I wonder how Dazai would react, cause it's Atsushi, he knows him, likes him, is close to him and knows Chuuya isn't his caretaker, so I don't think there'd be jealousy.

And, well, Atsushi is the guy that went "getting a good sakura seeing spot will get me a good grade at the agency", so I think he'd realize there were two of them for one Chuuya-san and that Ranpo wasn't around, making him the oldest kid. So he'd start to prove that he's a big boy and try to help Chuuya in the way kids usually do when they're trying to prove to younger kids how grown they are.

That is, until Dazai cries for a small thing and then Atsushi tries to holding it in (because he's supposed to be a big boy like Ranpo!) but follows because that's how he's built (cries when someone cries). But then Aku comes back and everything is fine or smth.

I dunno, this scenario just looked really cute in my head... just, something about Atsushi and Dazai playing together, maybe even trying to rope Chuuya into playing with them and letting Atsushi tie his hair or something

-🍨

An skk and sskk play date and park picnic would be everything 🥺😭 and Dazai feeling jelly over having to share Chuuya 😭 he’s used to having to share Kuni, but never Chuuya 🫠

I absolutely agree Atsushi likes providing that he’s big and helpful and Dazai is probably jealous that Chuuya likes Sushi so much better because he helps and isn’t needy 😭 would definitely end with both of them teary and what a perfect time for Aku to come back, and then Atsushi is so happy to see him he forgets about being upset, and Dazai is happy to have Chuuya’s attention back to himself 🥺

[that-one-odd-shipper]

🪼. New Fic . 🪼

(To the little Junichro and Tachihara anon, yours is getting started now :) I prioritized this one first.)

❤️‍🔥- A little Chuuya fic! This one actually made me very happy to write since I got inspo off my nieces actions for this one when she was over.

♦- This takes place right after my previous little Dazai fan fiction, let's say about a week later. I don't see many agere fics with Chuuya as the regressor, so I figured I'd feed the fandom with this one.

📣- I don't exactly have a picked out age for Chuuya in this, I wouldn't say younger than Dazai but definitely a not very talkative, sleepy yet excited kid. Also extremely clingy, skk is really alike when they are little in odd ways. This is the first time he's ever regressed, he doesn't even know he does.

❗- I'll attach the first few paragraphs for you to get a feel of the fic! Link to my ao3 and the fic itself will be at the end! Please enjoy, comment and like! Ps. This isn't the first sentences like I usually do. There's backstory at the start, so I figured I'd start further down.

Back to the current situation, Chuuya had a morbidly bad headache. He felt like tearing his skin off, that's how bad it was. Nothing worked, no pills, the rest of the sort.

Overwhelming, that's how it all felt. He had been granted permission to leave early that day because of it despite his paperwork. Another factor in his stress.

Although originally putting up a fight against it because the work would pile up, they insisted. So now he was here in his apartment.

God what he would give to just pass out in a warm bath, not have to worry about anything for hours and hours on end. But of course that couldn't happen..

When he turned the bend into the living room he found Dazai staring at a certain picture. Of course, of fucking course the bastard decided to be a nusince today.

When noticing Chuuya, he shot around taking the picture in his grasp. "Aw, the Hatrack's back! Do you really keep pictures like these up?"

Dazai held up the picture for him to see now, it was of Chuuya and the sheep. A picture he had taken ages ago that he refused to take down for reasons he doesn't wish to share.

The red-head stalked forward and tried to reach for the frame, cursing at Dazai. Now he held it far above Chuuya, taunting him. Can't he just get a break?

"Fucking bitch! Leave my shit alone, asshat!" Yea he cursed like eight times in that sentence, but he's stressed alright?

The brunette only laughed as a response, throwing it down for Chuuya to grab with his ability. And that he did, clutching it in his hands immediately.

"...Why are you here?" He sighed out, rubbing his temple. This was giving him a headache.

"Can't an owner check up on his dog?" Sang the man, plopping down on the couch.

"I'm not your dog-" Chuuya attempted to say, but his brain cut out in the middle aggravatingly. Static formed in his head making it increasingly difficult to focus.

If he slipped up that much Dazai didn't notice, starting to ramble about something stupid like slobber. Chuuya could care less at the moment.

He opted to move towards the kitchen, sitting down at the island and ignoring Dazai. Maybe be should cook? It would probably help the static and headache.

Dazai followed him over, continuing to speak. The words faded out without his control as he sat there. Was everything usual so loud? Because it was ear bleeding.

The red head doesn't trust himself to cook like this, he'll probably burn himself. Just another thing for Dazai to make fun of him for and my god why can't he just shut up?!

Chuuya couldn't do it. Too much, too loud. His limbs felt stuffy and his mind was covered in clouds so thick he couldn't think. Static noise in his head at all times, preventing him from even getting a thought in.

Chuuya's head pounded as if it was being hit by a baseball bat over and over and over. Everything was sticky, hot, and constricting.

___________________________________

Hope you liked the snippet :) the links to my ao3 and the story and bellow!

Story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57034897

My ao3!: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_One_Odd_Shipper/pseuds/That_One_Odd_Shipper

[bwoahtastic]

oh my god, the image of jenson being so excited about feeding reindeer is so funny to me. nico taking him to a nature reserve (i'm sorry i don't know where or how reindeer live) where they get to feed the reindeer. jenson is so in awe of it, nico enjoys visiting the reindeer but she grew up doing it so it isn't quite as magical to her but she loves seeing how excited jenson is. maybe there's an option to adopt a reindeer, and nico secretly adopts one for jenson as a surprise present. it ends up being his favorite present, and literally throws her in the air he's so happy and excited

Plss Nico taking Jenson to feed reindeers and Jenson is SO fuckihg excited! He is like a kid in a candy store just beaming and Nico is blushing cos she loves his enthusiasm, just loves him so so much! He kisses her a million times to thank her and she makes sure to have pictures of him, all adorably excited with his very ugly beanie and snow suit lol, while a reindeer eats from his hand!

Maybe there is a little.reindeer you can 'adopt' to sponsor for food in the herd and Nico decides to do that as a last minute present. She thinks uts super amusing cos she also got Jenson some fancy designer stuff which he likes, maybe a watch or smthn, but then he gets the note explaining about the little reindeer and he is SUPER EXCITED!! Spinning her around and kissing her (even though before he politely didn't do too much pda cos Keke was staring lol) and Nico just giggles skks

[kenmakaminari]

BSD Headcanons

These are just a few headcanons I have for some of the bsd characters (though they are probably more just me pushing my own experiences onto the characters 😅).

(25 bullets long)

WARNINGS: mentions of csa, mori, slight (blink and miss it) mentions of skk and sskk, anxiety, a lot of angst

Dazai and Atsushi both hate people yelling. They have spent most of their life surrounded by angry yelling, so the sound really triggers their anxiety.

Kenji has the DIRTIEST mouth. The boy is only 14 but he already makes the other members of the ada blush with his remarks. Ranpo thinks it's the funniest things, and Kyouka has started picking up on some of his more common curses.

On the other hand, Atsushi doesn't cuss often, but when he does you know some shit is about to go down.

Atsushi is great with kids. though, it is more of a product of growing up in the orphanage.

Kunikida uses some of his "teacher tricks" on the ada members (eg. clapping his hands to get their attention, turning off the lights when people are being too loud, and saying "I'll wait" when people are talking over him). And the best part is IT WORKS

Kunikida tutors the younger members of the ada so they have more options for their future. Sometimes he ropes Dazai and Ranpo into helping when he's not sure about a certain topic.

Dazai, depending on the day, can either be amazing with kids, or a child's worst nightmare. Even so, neither Kyouka nor Kenji have ever been afraid of him.

Dazai was a victim of csa (from Mori). He's never told anyone, though Yosano, Fukuzawa, and Ranpo either already know, or have their suspicions. None of them have mentioned it though, not even to each other. Instead, they have decided to let Dazai come to them about it if he so wishes.

Chuuya knows that something was going on between Mori and Dazai, but he isn't sure what. He tried to bring it up once right before Dazai left but was shut down.

One time a lower member of the Mafia tried to make a move on Dazai right in front of Chuuya. Dazai froze when the member grabbed his arm to drag him away. Chuuya noticed and kicked them right at their temple. That member is still in a coma to this day.

Dazai makes his suicidal ideology into a joke so that its not awkward for him to come back after an unsuccessful attempt.

She hasn't put much thought into it at the moment, but when she's older Kyouka comes out as aromantic.

Yosano, Ranpo, and Dazai go to the cafe every Friday night to catch up with all the gossip that they missed through the week.

Ranpo and Yosano have a sibling relationship. They make fun of each other for everything, but the second someone else tries they go for blood.

Atsushi cries himself to sleep a lot

Dazai on the other hand, can't remember the last time he cried. It's been years at least

Dazai's psychological abuse from Mori runs so deep that sometimes he finds himself saying or doing something that reminds him of Mori.

When that happens he usually retreats into himself for the remainder of the day.

It's even worse when it's something he KNOWS he learned from Mori.

Akutagawa doesn't hold a grudge for anything Dazai did to him (even though he would have every right to)

Chuuya got Akutagawa a therapist (on his own dime) when he realized just how bad Dazai abused him

The only people who know that Gin is a girl are Akutagawa (obviously), Dazai, and Hirotsu.

Chuuya, Akutagawa, and Gin try to have a family dinner at least once a week

Later on Dazai and Atsushi join them

Kunikida is secretly protective of Dazai. Although Dazai has never spoken about his past, it isn't hard to see that he has faced some type of abuse. Especially for someone who had to go through seminars for spotting it.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW!! THANK YOU FOR READING :)