#This is petty I know but it steams me up that people still talk like this and think they can get away with it because they're Better (TM).

[matsunoluvr]

୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ when the love and deepspace boys get jealous

warnings: pouty men, jealous xavier is a warning in itself, sorry if i mischaracterise…. and i also have favourites LOLL

characters: sylus, zayne, rafayel, xavier

link to master list here!

author notes: all i can think of is pouty rafayel and jealous xavier my brain is a melted goop of lnds brainrot… also sorry for not posting in a while i was on holiday!!

also quick reminder that i have requests open but 1. i’ll get to them slowly and 2. please read my pinned post about rules!

more under the cut ~

out of the four men i think sylus is the least jealous - now let me elaborate that possessiveness and jealousy (in my eyes) are very different

if you talk to another man, sylus both trusts you and has enough faith in himself to know that no matter what the dude does, sylus is yours and you’re his

he trusts you 100%, without a shadow of a doubt. and this translates through his lack of jealousy when you spend time with other people

however, if the man even attempts to lay a finger on you, his tone becomes too sweet or his hand inches a bit too close and you’re getting uncomfortable?

you bet your ass sylus is interfering.

immediately shifts his body to create distance between you and the other party

he flashes a dangerous look at the other man, evol glowing dangerously as it whispers a small warning into the other’s ear

“Stay away and you get to stay alive.”

he seriously doesn't fuck around when it comes to your comfort and safety, and if he feels that another man is compromising it or pushing the boundaries it really ticks him off

when does sylus get jealous?

mostly when you start to spend less time with him and more time with others

it’s not as if as soon as you spend time with someone else he gets jealous, but if it causes you to start to ignore him/spend less time with him he gets jealous

when he gets jealous, he doesn’t hide it at all

sylus isn’t one to keep his feelings from you, so when you see his displeasured frown you know immediately something is up

he doesn’t get angry or petty when jealous, he just makes it clear that he’s not happy with the division of attention

when you ask him what’s up, he gives you the answer plain and simple

“Getting bored of me already? How come you’re spending more time with […] than me, I’m jealous.”

his voice is slow and clearly unimpressed, crossing his arms as he looks you up and down.

luckily for you, he’s not hard to win over

spend time with him, even if it’s not active such as going out to restaurants or to one of his formal events

the two of you sitting in comfortable silence, him reading a magazine and you looking through moments, that’s more than enough for him

he’s not opposed to displays of physical affection either, cuddling or kisses to his face - anything that tells him “you’re mine/i’m yours” will satisfy him

just make sure not to spend TOO much time with the other person, otherwise sylus might seriously hunt them down

he’d never make you jealous on purpose, he had no interest in other women/men at all and respects you way too much to pull petty moves like that

when sylus accidentally makes you jealous, he’ll definitely pamper you, spoil you with gifts and spend time with you

wanted to get the new limited edition plushie? he’ll stay in the arcade with you until you get all of them. wanted a new game on steam? he’s bought both the game, all the dlcs and any in game passes and currency.

Somewhere at some point during the day he'll simply come clean about it, after all he's a straight forward man and he trusts you.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't mean to make you jealous. Forgive me, please?"

tldr; sylus is a love sick loser that knows you’re equally in love with him as he is with you

here goes the award to the most composed LI - zayne gets jealous alright, not nearly as much as the coming two but he still gets jealous

it's not that he doesn't trust you, but watching you smile so brightly to the café employee or get a little too friendly with another doctor sets him on edge

if you're talking to male friends/giving them friendly hugs zayne's completely fine with it, he's happy to see you surrounded by people who care for you and for you to be happy too

at first it's hard to tell when zayne gets jealous, he has a poker face that would put lady gaga to shame

however, after a while you discover the few subtleties that give away his disgruntled state

for example, if you're talking a bit too excitedly or friendly to the barista - especially one you'd both met just today - there'd be a little crease in his forehead, his mouthwould be a fraction more downturned and his eyes a bit narrower as if he was squinting

or if you talk to him about a male colleague when you two were supposed to be out on a date, he'd definitely be jealous... however the only give away would be the faintest purse of his lips and twitch of his eyebrow

if you ask him if he's jealous he's going to deny it, he usually doesn't lie but when it comes to vulnerable emotions such as jealousy i feel he'd have difficulties expressing them

"Jealous? I'm not jealous, don't worry about me."

but then the right side of his mouth is twitching a little and if you focus hard enough he gives the impression of a kicked puppy, a very subtle hint of 'give me attention'

if you manage to learn the art of 'zayne expression reading' and finally notice that he's not 'lactose-intolerant-and-having-stomach-issues-causing-him-to-look-like-that' but in fact jealous, here's a few ways to heal your zayne!!

zayne specialists recommend a good dosage of subtle affections - e.g. bringing up one of his interests or reminiscing upon something you two did in the past, basically indicating to him 'hey, i still love you most in the world!'

he's a perceptive man and will pick up on what you're doing relatively quick, and his little grumpy face will relax back into the unconscious, soft smile he adopts when in your presence

if he accidentally makes you jealous, he makes sure you know more than anyone else in the world that he's yours and yours only.

reciprocates the small gestures such as holding your hand in public or introducing you to his colleagues

"Good afternoon to you too. I believe you haven't met [Y/N] before?"

and then he'll adjust his hand placement, sliding from patting your shoulder to gentle resting on the small of your back, a little intimate gesture that screams "I'm their partner."

makes sure by the end of the day he's got the message across, and at one point brings it up (even though you've basically forgotten what he did to make you jealous anyways)

"I didn't mean to upset you, [Y/N]. I love you only, no one else could replace you, I promise."

okay, yeah, we made it to jealous, pouty, bratty man territory

there’s an evident gap between zayne level jealousy and rafayel level jealousy

don’t get me wrong, rafayel would do anything you asked of him - partially because of his whole lumerian bond and also because he’s utterly whipped for you

does he love you? that’s a stupid question to ask oh course he does… but does he truly trust you?

i’d like to think that rafayel (if he was dating you in this situation) is absolutely devoted to you and trusts you wholeheartedly, but in reality rafayel has deep engraved fears and uncertainties

he has a fear of being forgotten about, and likely (as a consequence of being forgotten multiple times) - the idea of being abandoned or replaced sends physical chills down his spine

so honestly, rafayel’s jealousy stems from the unwavering fear of being left alone, lost and forgotten again…

the pain of being forgotten, it’s not something he’s willing to go through any more, causing it to be difficult to fully reassure him that you’re his.

on a more lighter, more playful level, rafayel’s jealousy would probably lay with animals - specifically cats and sea creatures

one day he finds that instead of lazing about with him indoors, that you were outside napping with a cat on your lap

if he wasn’t so afraid of the cat concerned for your quality and length of sleep he would’ve had a go at the cat as it smirked triumphantly at him, licking its paws as it rolls around in your lap.

when complaining later on he would be his usual, petulant self, pouting and crossing his arms, tilting his chin up etc

“I guess you prefer those furry monsters over a fishie like me, why don’t you just leave me for one?”

to fix this petty brattiness is simple!

simply devote all your attention and affections to rafayel, as in when you two are alone and spending time together you can just pat his head or trace his beauty marks

he’ll be pouting the whole time, but after a few pats he’ll get embarrassed and his ears will go red as he says something like “I’m not a cat…” yet he still lets you pet him lol

rafayel especially likes it when you gently stroke at the roots of his hair, leaning into your touch a little every time you thread deeper into his hair

however, if you spend too much time with another man rather than rafayel, it’s a whole different type of jealousy/insecurity

he’s quiet, too quiet, and withdrawn

the situation was deeply confusing the first time around

it’s as if you ordered the wrong rafayel, what happened to his usual bratty and playful personality? this wasn’t like all the other times.

unlike his childish display of jealousy when you were with the cat, this time he had a schooled expression, blank, a facade

his expression was eerie, you’d never seen him like this, so… emotionless seeming

rafayel, really, was emotionally detaching from the relationship - he still loves you oh my god he adores you so much he’d sacrifice everything he had for you, but the idea of you preferring that other person over him?

it sends him into panic, and all he (believed he) could do was numb himself, anticipate the leave or him getting forgotten

(am i projecting too much here… avoidant attachment rafayel believer and lover 😞🙏)

if he withdrew from the relationship first, maybe it would hurt less being left again

of course you weren’t intending to leave him, so how do you fix this?

well, as unhealthy as this may seem, spending less time with the new person and more time with rafayel really would be the only way i could think of making him feel better

saying things such as “Rafayel I would never leave you.” can only provide him with short-term reassurance, after all how many times have you said that before and then still proceeded to leave him?

instead, caress him gently, give him time to feel safe in the relationship again. late night calls where you two fall asleep together or hold him in your arms as you two both sleep at night

this avoidant attachment style will, however, probably go when you two start dating, since in dating you rafayel has probably decided to let you into his heart and whole heartedly trusts you now :)

if rafayel accidentally makes you jealous, depending on the severity (again) here’s what he’d do

if it was a simple thing (such as spending too much time with the shakes idk something more tame) he’d definitely tease you

“Awwh cutie? Getting jealous of the sharks? Don’t worry, I prefer you over them any day.”

he’ll have this smug ass grin that pisses you off, as much as it makes you love him too

rafayel will give you more hugs and gifts than usual for a while after, claiming it’s ‘nothing’ and that you’re ’hallucinating things’ when you ask what he’s doing

really he’s apologising, but you don’t need to know that

if he made you really jealous/upset he’ll make is extremely clear to you that he belongs to you, his heart and will is yours

will become more clingy and affectionate with you (not that he does it on purpose infact he’s only showing his true desires more), forever. like, you get jealous? don’t worry, literally for the rest of your life you’ll know that rafayel is head-over-heels for you.

tldr: he needs a hug :( also i ended up writing way more than intended but im a rafayel lover, writer and if he has no stans left im dead

here he is, the most jealous and arguably possessive man in lnd.

xavier tries to hide it, but everyone knows that he’s yours, without a shadow of a doubt

we all saw what happened with jeremiah, don’t make me pull out the receipts LOL. like jeremiah was just happy to finally see the girl xavier was lining over for centuries and xavier was already losing his shit 😭

literally anyone talking to you too affectionately will tick him off, but xavier’s too sly to make it obvious

you’re talking to a doctor (cough zayne) ? xavier brings up some sort of old medicine they don’t or asks about their speciality so you stop talking to them

talking to a protocore specialist? he’ll all of a sudden be holding a textbook worthy protocore, worth the poor persons whole shop

a florist? he’s pointing at every flower and naming them, both common and scientific name.

“Oh [Y/N], look at that flower. I believe it’s called a Lonicera periclymenum?”

*turns to face the clearly shocked and flustered florist with a polite smile*

“Well, maybe you know it as a honeysuckle, is that correct?”

after living for so long he’s learnt many things, and boy does he use it to his advantage

when xavier gets jealous, he doesn’t expect anything from you, no no, this man is a service boyfriend if i’ve ever seen one, he was MADE to please you

rather than thinking “oh you don’t like me anymore i’m so upset“ he thinks “i need to serve and show you i’m yours.”

do you like sweet things? he’s buying you chocolates of all kinds, if that’s not your jam he’s got pastries, or candy, or fresh fruit, maybe everything in a little gift box

prefer savoury foods? he’ll cook you a meal that he knows you like (even if you don’t trust the food) he’ll practice making it until you like it

if you talk about another person when you’re one on one with him, he’ll do little things to get your attention, maybe bite your finger softly or tuck hair behind your ear, little fleeting touches and such

cheeky little grins and conversational diversions such as 'Oh? What about you, how did you do in the exam?' or 'What were you buying in the supermarket?' - more ways of saying "i'm yours, don't forget"

but if you wanted to reassure xavier, physical affections such as cuddling and kisses can win him over

nap with him for a few nights (really he forgave you the first night, he just pretended to be grumpy with you for a while longer for more naps) and he’ll be satisfied (for now)

“Come cuddle with me starlight, I’ve still not forgiven you.”

(he’s lying, he forgave you like a week ago)

likes it when you play with his hair when you two cuddle - now this makes me want to write abt how the men cuddle lol

if he accidentally makes you jealous it’d probably be when the two of you are on a mission and he flirts with another woman to easily progress through a mission

the two of you are in the hotel room and you’re sulking in the bed, turning away from him and clearly displeased

xavier knows you’re jealous, and can only huff out an amused breath - he doesn’t like that you’re feeling bad but he’s happy that you’re jealous… means you like him as much as he likes you!

he gently walks over to the bed, shifting onto the duvet beside you and reaches out to touch your shoulder - making sure you’re okay with him touching you

if you let him, he’ll lie down next to you and slowly wrap his arms around you, spooning you from behind as he slowly kisses the top of your head

slipping your shirt down to just below your shoulder, he gives the skin of your back gentle kisses as he apologises

“I’m sorry, it was for the mission. I’ve only ever loved you, so please don’t be angry.”

and then he nuzzled into your back until you finally cave in, twisting around and hugging him back.

he’ll be seriously apologetic about it though, and in the future avoid such intimate forms of gathering information even *if* you told him it was okay

AN; i got way too carried away with rafayel ANYWAYS hope you enjoy and now i want to write smaller hcs on how the men cuddle lolol

also this isn’t proofread no beta we die like caleb ig

[astonmartinii]

into the arms of another part two | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

part two to this !! part three

yourusername

liked by arthurleclerc, maxverstappen1 and 661,230 others

yourusername: winner winner chicken dinner !! congrats maxy i’m so proud of you always

view all comments

user1: i know charles’ head is hot right now

user2: i hope netflix are taking notes cause this tea is steaming hot

maxverstappen1: thank you baby, helps when i have the prettiest cheerleader in the world

yourusername: i am the sexiest sargent in all of the orange army

maxverstappen1: too right you are

user3: i miss when y/n was the head of the tifosi the red monochromatic fits ate so hard

user4: i need charles to pull his head out of his ass and apologise so we can reclaim her before monza

user5: do not even bring up the fact we may not have custody of her for monza

danielricciardo: leave some for the rest of us maxy

yourusername: no actually i think it’s illegal for max not to win sorry

danielricciardo: will that change if charlie apologises?

yourusername: considering that hasn’t happened and doesn’t look to be happening any time soon - no.

user6: CHARLES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

user7: he doesn’t have to do anything, she’s just bitter cause she’s always been the bridesmaid and never the bride. we ALL know she’s always loved charles and she can’t handle that she’s not the centre of his attention it’s kinda pathetic

maxverstappen1: what made you think you know any of us enough to comment something like this? what told you that you even had a right to talk about y/n like that? she’s everything you could ever wish to be and more and she will never ever deserve the things you people are saying about her. charles would be lucky to have y/n in his life platonically or romantically but it’s his loss

user8: boyf of the year right here

user9: charles take note ^^^ this is how you’re meant to defend your best friend

landonorris: i am once again asking for photo credits i’m not gonna be your personal photographer for free

maxverstappen1: i literally paid for your dinner

yourusername: you’re literally a millionaire

landonorris: i don’t care a man still likes to be wined and dined

yourusername: just to make it clear we are not looking for a third

user10: i promise i can change your mind give me a chance

f1tea

liked by user11, user12 and 2,349 others

f1tea: charles leclerc caught liking this tweet about the situation between him and y/n. seems like he won’t back down on this. what do you think?

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user13: i need this mans head on a spike i’m so serious

user14: i want to play pinball with the single marble in his head

user15: i think ferrari have genuinely caused real head rot in him cause no way he thinks this is a serve

user16: let's be real charles' biggest rivals are ferrari and himself

user17: not this man at his BIG AGE is liking shady tweets about his best friend

user18: i think it's safe to say they're not best friends any more

user19: also "biggest rival" my ass max and charles are fucking friends now so this whole narrative is complete horse shit

user20: i'm so bored of charles playing the victim bro YOU ARE THE INSTIGATOR YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

user21: the way charles is liking shit like this but max is writing whole ass essays in the comments defending her

user22: and that''s why i'll always back that she ended up with the right man

user23: max is so far in the lead in the championship i need him to take charles out for the narrative

user24: are we in high school? like seriously this is so fucking petty i cannot wait for media day this weekend

user25: he's either gonna be the funniest man in the world or he's gonna bite someones fucking head off

user26: and i'll back it either way

user27: i know y/n is about to have her revenge dress moment in the paddock someone get kym illman ready STAT.

f1wagsupdates

liked by lilymunhe, carmenmundt and 4,530 others

tagged: yourusername

f1wagsupdates: REVENGE DRESS MOMENT !!! y/n y/ln enters the paddock in monza in this stunning black dress, showing the world what a catch she is, oh and that is max holding the umbrella for her, what a gentleman.

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user28: mother came to slay i cannot even

user29: this right after max came for charles in the press conference is PERFECTION + NO RED IN MONZA !!

user30: i see lily and carmen in the likes in knew they'd be on the right side

user31: girl i don't think anyone is on charles' side

user32: yall see the stink eye from the red bull garage when charles walked past they have y/n's back LOL

user33: the red bull garage been ride or dies for max so it defo makes sense that they would extend that to y/n

user34: christian was defo waiting for a question about it in the press conference

user35: someone on twitter got a clip of him putting his arm around fred going out of the paddock and telling him to get his driver under control

user36: yall are we on the kardashians what the fuck is going on

user37: people may hate christian but he defends his driver so much that he's inserting himself in the relationship drama

user38: i don't even follow f1 but whoever this is this serving oh my

user39: this is so exhausting like i need charles to just apologise so we can get cute y/n x max x charles content

user40: torturing myself thinking about how cute that dynamic could be

f1

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 1,203,457 others

f1: max verstappen clinches his tenth win of the season at monza, joined by sergio perez and oscar piastri. home heroes charles leclerc and carlos sainz came together at turn one, awful showing for ferrari in monza

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user41: this narrative is so so poetic

user42: i feel bad for the tifosi at this point y'all get your hopes up every season

user43: charles you aimed the wrong way if you wanted to take max out

user44: the way max kissed y/n after winning god they're so cute

user45: also the way christian got everyone to move so y/n could get to the front to see max

user46: even marko looked happy about it what is going on?

user47: y'all we knew it was gonna be bad for ferrari y/n wasn't wearing red, call me superstitious but every time she's worn red charles has either won or been on the podium

user48: well that's just what he gets for not appreciating her

user49: as fernando would say KARMA

user50: someone check charles' blood pressure please

maxverstappen1

liked by christianhorner, yourusername and 1,304,662 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: winning on and off the track, some of you can't relate.

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user51: parents omg

danielricciardo: fighting words maxy, not pulling your punches

maxverstappen1: i do my fighting on the track, not my fault people can't get past turn one to give me a real battle

danielricciardo: i need to be inside your brain

maxverstappen1: no there's images of y/n in my brain that no other man will ever see

danielricciardo: you crack me up maxy

yourusername: woah who's that fine ass piece of woman

maxverstappen1: she's taken sorry

yourusername: that's a shame, i hope that man is taking care of her

maxverstappen1: i don't believe she's got any complaints

yourusername: wow you sound like a gentleman, she's a lucky woman

maxverstappen1: believe me i am the lucky one.

yourusername: awwww maxy you're literally the sweetest person in the world

user52: if i was charles and i saw this after that race you'd have to restrain me i'm so serious

user53: i'm happy for y/n and max but i need them to stop being happy in my face

alexalbon: ur welcome for that first picture btw

yourusername: lily taught you well

alexalbon: so no thanks?

yourusername: i joke thank you very much sir albon

user54: so like all of the twitch quartet are on y/n's side? awkward.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, georgerussell63, 706,835 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: charles and i have been best friends since i knew what the word meant and it really hurts that is has gotten to this point. when charles got his first girlfriend i chalked it up to the excitement of the experience, but when he routinely got in and out of relationships and falling back on our friendship once scorned, i started to question what he really felt about our friendship. i overlooked it every time even when it made me doubt my worth and hoped our friendship meant more. however, the cycle continued and after being left stranded at a beach in a country i do not know i decided it was the end. i have reached out to you so, so many times and want nothing more than our friendship to work and so we can be life-long friends that we can tell our kids about. but i guess it's not worth that much to you and that's something i'll have to reconcile with. the only positive coming from this the fact that it pushed me to the love of my life, so thank you for that.

comments are turned off.

charles_leclerc

liked by joristrouche, pierregasly and 1,305,783 others

charles_leclerc: i've already got my trophy, sorry not sorry.

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user56: WHAT THE FUCK

user57: my brain is actually scrambled

user58: charles' must be as well cause no way he thought this was a good idea

landonorris: so this is a low blow

charles_leclerc: since when were you the reference point for morals

landonorris: damn dude, you're in the wrong but go off i guess

user59: why do i actually want to cry for y/n right now? she did this whole ass heartfelt post with no comments so people wouldn't be able to speculate and he replies with a pic of his gf's ASS

danielricciardo: not cool dude

charles_leclerc: i see you all took her side and our friendships mean fuck all

danielricciardo: kinda ironic you bring up respecting friendships

charles_leclerc: spare me the lecture

maxverstappen1: you're a child. but this is the closure she needs. cheers to being an asshole.

charles_leclerc: so you managed to get some of my sloppy seconds, you're welcome

maxverstappen1: she's not sloppy seconds and i can't believe you'd refer to her as that. but if you wanna talk sloppy seconds you can hold the 100 point gap between us in the championship. and y/n will never say this so i'll say it for her GO FUCK YOURSELF

user60: SHOTS FIRED

user61: men are so confusing

yourusername added to their story

[caption: taking some time for myself. thank you for your kind words and know i have an amazing support system around me now]

f1wagsupdates

liked by user65, user66 and 5,430 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

f1wagsupdates: charles leclerc spotted outside y/n y/ln's office with flowers this afternoon. idk at this point, any time i report on this man i lose more brain cells.

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user67: lol even wag page admins are done

f1wagsupdates: he gives me a lot of content but damn he needs to sort his head out

user68: lol this is gonna be an all time apology tour i can't wait

user69: i honestly don't want y/n to forgive him he doesn't deserve it.

user70: yeah max has proven ride or die for y/n so i know who she should stick with

user71: i need him to donate his brain to science cause in what world is a measly bouquet of flowers gonna cover all of this shit ?

user72: legit he's systematically ditched his best friend, let randomers on the internet drage her name through the mud and then liked it and then flaunted the fact that he didn't care about their friendship for everyone to see

maxverstappen1: lol nice try

user73: my petty king i love him so much

user74: i know y/n is taking a break from social media but i hope she knows how much love she's getting

user75: for real we're all on her side i hope she slammed that door in charles' face

user76: i hope that bouquet ended up in the bin

maxverstappen1 added to their story

[caption: special delivery for a special girl]

note: i know this was heavily requested so here it is!! i really like it and it's defo open for a third part if yall want charles and y/n to reconcile? thank you for reading xx

[cheezbites]

Chris McLean As Your Ex

✎: My second Chrissy blog 🙈 it ain’t my fault he’s so bbg. (ex!Chris x f!reader) (Celebrity Reader)

♡Summary: Chris still has feelings for you after you broke up. Now he’s going to do everything in his power to win you back.

WARNINGS: Language, (toxic?) relationship, mild anxiety, arguing, angst, fluff, (catcalling?😭) smut next chapter and not really proofread. :(

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

The day you met your ex-boyfriend Chris McLean was the day your picture-perfect life turned to shambles, or maybe it was the minute you agreed to host with him on his sadistic show… You were too busy to remember.

After filming another successful episode of your talk show: ‘Icons Unveiled', infamously known for it’s ‘unique’ contestants, (which is why people loved it so much) - the drama, fights and scandals discussed on your popular talk show are the main factors why people religiously tuned in. From a fourteen-year-old fanboy that became known online for hardcore obsessing over you, to an iconic personality with everyday petty drama that’s publicised way too often: GlamZoe.

And today’s episode featured a well-known kid influencer, Big Mia, and her ‘best friend’ Isabella, who blasted her secrets online for clout. Their feud only escalated, despite their ironic intention of 'peacefully hashing it out'.

“You’re calling me stupid? Bitch you were dumb enough to tell me all about yo’ shit in the first place. How ‘bout that?” Isabella disdainfully yelled, swiftly flipping her hair behind her shoulder.

“You only have clout because of me, know your place.” Big Mia retorted.

The audience erupted in applause, laughter, and audible gasps as a result of their vulgar responses.

“And? everyone likes me more than you anyways, so…”

“Guys - let’s relax, you came on here to bless this beef, not open a butcher shop.” You quipped, taking a sip of coffee from your signature ‘Icons Unveiled’ mug. The steam emitting from the mug fogged your Versace sunglasses, making you place them on your head.

“I’m gonna fight this hoe outside, how about that?” Big Mia asserted, rising from her seat as she tied her hair in a few sharp motions. Instinctively, security had to restrain her and ensure she remained seated. You noticed most fights were embellished by the participants for two reasons: you, a known and highly admired celebrity were witnessing it all unfold, and the instigating noisy audience: bloodthirsty for any scandal. People would do anything to Y/N L/N’s attention, anything.

You couldn’t refrain from seeing yourself and Chris in their thoughtless arguing, there was this one specific argument that was the final blow to your unhealthy relationship:

“Chris, we can’t keep hiding from talking about it. The fans are concerned, we need to address this situation openly.”

“We can’t risk making things worse by giving it more attention, they don’t need to know every detail.”

“But that’s the problem! they’re not stupid, they’ll eventually find out and they’ll lose trust in-“

“Trust me, I’ve been handling this for a long time. It’s better to let things settle on their own.”

“So have I! You’re not the only one, Chris. I’ll politely remind you I’m famous as well.”

“I know that… I know. I just can’t when you-“

“When I what? Am I just a distraction?”

That back-and-forth conversation went on and on… until it transitioned into an argument before even realising it.

“Changing our approach could backfire, Y/N! It will affect the ratings!”

“Ratings ratings ratings, that’s all you seem to care about!”

“I have to! Why don’t you don’t get it.”

“Tell me something, Chris. Who would you pick, me… or the ratings? The amazing fantastic ratings you can’t stop thinking about.”

“Y/N, just… fucking listen to me. You’re choosing to ignore me,"

In hindsight, your power couple relationship was really toxic. Instead of talking it out or apologising to one another, you just had sex. Which is exactly what you did after that argument, (yes, the same argument that made you breakup). You shouldn’t have to fuck or kiss someone to prove that you ‘love’ them, that’s a commonly known fact. Yet it seemed like your relationship didn’t get the message.

But your viewers were going to be thoroughly entertained by tonight’s episode, that’s for sure. As the bathtub’s floral, sweet-scented warm water soothed you, you enjoyed every second of the chaotic scene unfolding on your iPhone, making you feel amused and mildly exhausted. People never mention how drama is better tenfold when you’re actually witnessing it, front-row seats and all. Their animated gestures and exaggerated words only further enhanced their bickering. Soon enough, the speculations on social media were flooding in - so were your pay cheques.

You couldn’t resist but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Midway through the episode - just as they were about to reach the boiling point on your screen - your phone rang causing your heart to skip a beat. Nobody ever called you, the only exception was if it was undeniably crucial. Everyone understood how busy you were and the demands of your time. So when your phone chimed, that signalled something demanded immediate attention - the last thing you generously handed out.

The caller ID displayed ‘Liam Harrison’, your agent. You knew this wasn’t going to be just another casual conversation - he’d usually try to mask it as one before delivering bad news to you.

“Y/N?” he spoke, in that familiar gravelly voice you were unfortunately used to.

“Yes, this is she.” You laid back in your back tub and scarcely crossed your legs, mentally preparing for what was about to hit you.

“Tonight’s episode … crazy, right?” He said, a sense of relief lacing his words. Essentially because it was you who picked up the phone - not your voice note that he was unfortunately used to. You immediately picked up on the tone of his words and the slight relief present in them, It would be rare for anyone else to have picked up on this, but you were discreetly intuitive.

“Mmm,” you hummed in response.

“Right, erm, so I’m sure you’re aware of the high demand and the public being visibly upset about your absence on Total Drama.”

“Fuck me…” you muttered as you massaged your temples. Your anxiety gnawed at your thoughts, making you toy with your hair as you listened. As Liam presented his case, the high demand, phenomenal ratings, substantial income - the best part of it all: the increased fame.

You were focusing on the coffee mug that sat on the edge of your bathtub as you inattentively listened, it would always be comfortably cupped in your hands for every single episode as you watched scandals unfold, the viewers always called it ‘iconic’. Its pink interior contrasted the pristine white exterior, ‘Icons Unveiled’ etched onto the surface in a delicate font, this globally adored mug had soon gained a life of its own. It became so popular that it would be more rare to see someone who didn’t have your mug than to see someone who did.

Your business-savvy mindset embodied your influence, the minute you put them on sale it was even titled ‘The long-awaited merchandise masterpiece’, and it sold out in under half a minute. ‘Skyrocketing’ would be an understatement to describe how the sales performed - and it wasn’t just that, you sold coffee blends crafted to your taste, cute matching sets with your infamous catchphrase: ‘Getting up, close and personal with the icons!” and so on. Amidst your racing thoughts and tremors of anxiety, you realised something. Your smart business decisions pushed you so far ahead in the entertainment industry, something even Chris, (with all his charisma), hadn’t managed to accomplish yet.

“Y/N, what do you say?”

The abrupt noise enticed you to faintly jump, being so lost in your never-ending thoughts made you completely forget the disheartening situation you were in. You knew the moment you said ‘Yes.’ was the moment you sold your soul to the devil, to your demise to you have no other choice.

“I can’t wait,” you stated, not sounding as confident as you intended to.

“Great. We will be handling the contracts, drafting, legal approvals… all that stuff. As well as the promotional campaign to build anticipation for your appearance.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Goodnight, Ms. (L/N).”

“Night, Liam.” You hung up and your iPhone automatically resumed Icons Unveiled, you absentmindedly watched as your mind was in a completely different place.

The recruitment made sense so you couldn’t be too upset about it, when two wealthy and famous personalities collide, the mesmerising sparks are inevitable. You’ve built countless businesses just by having people on your show, you were consistent and dedicated to your craft, and some may say that you had it easy - that you were rich the moment you were born and got everything you wanted, luxuries and riches were an everyday thing. You played your cards right, became rich and famous, and were worshipped worldwide. Your alluring and humble personality made you hard to ignore giving your universal appeal, evoking envy and admiration from others in the entertainment industry.

Maybe this was what led to your breakup - your wits and marketing techniques may have triggered Chris to be slightly envious. But you weren’t innocent either; as his fame grew over time so did your jealousy. You weren’t exactly the jealous type, though. But the constant comparisons, busy schedules and fans feeding his already indestructible ego ignited something in you that you never knew was there.

On the other hand, he started feeling uneasy about your immense success. Chris was mainly looked down upon, but viewers kept tuning in as they were in a trance by the cruel ideas he came up with. You positively influenced your fans (or so they thought), but deep down you were just like him. You hated admitting it but you were both equally insane, you were made for each other. The spotlight that shone on you made him question whether he could measure up to your achievements, and he hated that.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

After a long yacht journey, you arrived at Camp Wawanakwa; your new dreadful and thankfully temporary home. An isolated island with an untamed forest, towering trees and tepid cabins. The air’s musk had an earthy scent of moss and decaying leaves, the nostalgic smell that without warning brought you back to when you previously hosted.

As you stepped out of the lavish yacht, nervousness and excitement churred in your stomach. Chef, Chris’s loyal assistant, greeted you with a warm smile.

“You look just as young as I last saw you,” he chuckled in that familiar thick and passionate voice. Chef afforded you a reassuring pat on the back as he helped you with your luggage.

Although the campers were confined to their cabins until filming began, you could sense the excitement from the peeks you caught through the cabin windows. Whispers, screeches and a few wolf whistles followed you as Chef guided you to ‘The Chris Crib’.

You couldn’t resist but to wave at the girl's cabin, and blow a platonic kiss to the boys.

“Oh my God! Y/N L/N waved at me!”

“No, she waved at me! We all saw it!”

“Shut up - she waved at all of us.”

“Boys… she clearly digs us.”

“Yeah, did you see the way she blew that kiss?”

“She’s so fucking hot, I need her in my bed.”

When you entered the ‘Chris Crib’, (which looked way better than the worn-out cabins, very typical of Chris) the first thing you did was walk into your room to unpack your bags, not even bothering to greet …him. Your room was left untouched and Chris's faint scent lingered; a subtle sweet-smelling cologne. You caught sight of some lingering items you left behind.

You changed into your pyjamas, a silky white spaghetti top paired with satin shorts. After a brief moment, you picked up on the faint sound of his voice, your nosiness forcing you to overhear. He spoke in a hushed tone about how he couldn’t get you out of his head - how he still loved you and wanted to see you. Yeah, right. With the way he treated you? Sure he did. He can keep lying to himself if that’s what helps him sleep at night after tormenting innocent teenagers.

But the weight of your emotions and the relentless grip of anxiety had been tightening around you for weeks, pulling you into a tornado of racing thoughts. Today was no different, you found yourself lost in thought, sitting in your bathtub - the one inside the bathroom which was connected to your bedroom, you were still fully clothed in your PJs. You didn't even bother to lock any doors, so anyone could walk in at any given moment. A rumour on socials spread like wildfire about Icons Unveiled being staged, making your viewers worried and doubting you and your show.

Maybe you actually were just like Chris? You cared too much about what the fans thought. More than you think you should - but it was reasonable - they were your source of income. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s okay, your team would handle it, right? It’s all going to be okay. But this subtly affected your episode’s performances, some days you were better at hiding your inner emotions than others but the speculations made it ten times more difficult. This coupled with the continuous pressure to serve content was a lethal combo. You were grappling with the mounting burnout that had begun to take a toll on your physical and mental health.

The announcement of co-hosting TDI was a cruel twist of fate, a decision driven more by the demands than your own desires. As you wrestled with your thoughts, your racing heart gave way to a full-blown panic attack. Your audible heartbeat and heavy breathing and an overwhelming urge to just escape… You felt as if these were your last moments, as if these were your last breaths, last heartbeats.

This situation couldn’t get any worse until Chris walked in, you didn’t even want to look at him. Your wet hair draped over your shoulders and shielded your face, yet you could still sense a worried and concerned expression on his face. He’s seen this happen before - you had odd ways of coping, the one he was most used to was drowning yourself in your thoughts in any accessible bathtub. He saw your vulnerability and offered a steadying hand like he was reminding you that you weren’t alone.

“Hey, hey - take deep breaths,” His voice was gentle yet reassuring. He knelt beside you, and even though your pyjamas had turned completely see-through, he placed one hand comfortably around your back.

“I’ve got you, alright? You’re safe here.”

You reluctantly nodded, trying to focus on his words as your heart’s abnormally fast rate gradually decreased. But you couldn’t prevent the tears streaming down your face, tracing a scorching path along your cheek. The once bubbly and vibrant colour of your eyes was killed by the bloodshot hue, your breath hitched in your throat, catching on the sobs that wrecked your body. Each gasp for air was a painful reminder of the tightness gripping your chest.

“Panic attacks are tough, you’ve faced harder challenges. Remember that time you nailed that live episode? You’ve got this, listen to my voice.” he continued, his tone steady.

You always liked listening to his voice, so that would be simple enough task. It was husky and satisfying to the ears; it effortlessly put you to sleep on multiple occasions. You mentally recalled the day you had a panic attack before filming a segment for Icons Unveiled, three of your team members spent what felt felt like fifteen painstakingly slow minutes trying to calm you down. When it was Chris, him being there for only a minute or a few seconds would have you feeling much more serene.

You closed your eyes, trying to heed his words. You haven’t met his gaze once this whole time, avoiding revisiting the memories you shared just by simply looking at him. His presence was like an anchor, bringing you to reality amid the chaos in your mind. As your breathing slowed, his hand never left your side. “This will pass, you’ve got the power to overcome it.”

Finally, your words escaped your lips, and the grip you had on his other hand tightened as if your life depended on it, which heavily contradicted your next statement:

“I hate you.” The words were tremulous and engulfed with tension, yet your gaze told a different story. He knew you better than you realised - the emotional whirlwind that was happening inside you, and the conflicting feelings.

He hated (when I say hated I mean hated) seeing you in this state, struggling to fight an extremely challenging battle was so hard for him to see. He knew deep down it was because of him, which made him feel way worse. In that look you gave him, he sensed your frustration and appreciation. The Y/N way of acknowledging his presence when words weren’t enough.

No, he doesn't genuinely care... he's crazy. Crazy would be an understatement to factually describe him, you've seen the shit he pulls on his show. Chris is an emotionless man - in your scenario, it was all different. You give him emotions he's never felt before.

He gently tucked a few stray strands of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering momentarily. His voice was a soft barely audible whisper,

“I know.”

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Part Two

Also, holy shit. I would've never thought I’d make it this far- THANK YOU SO MUCH BBS!!!💕 Sending virtual hugs rn.

Masterlist

[covenantofthedeep]

forcing a smile and waving goodbye ☆

feat. | xiao, childe, hu tao, and raiden shogun summary | breaking up w them :( a/n | it's been so long since i've written angst omg

hu tao |

she's been together with you for so long that she can hardly remember days without you. her life's been split into two sections; With You and Without You. Without You is cold and dark, a cave in her mind where she vanishes during the night and doesn't emerge till noon the next day.

she remembers how, before she met you, she was just there--incomplete, always bouncing around, always tailing people. she was just that girl at the funeral parlor that somehow knows zhongli. she was just hu tao. she remembers how, just two weeks after you two had started dating, she'd become hutaoandyn. she'd become important.

when you sit her down at your perfect mahogany-colored dining table, your perfect hands cupping a warm, steaming tea, your earnest eyes staring into hers, saying i don't think this is working out anymore, she is convinced it's a nightmare. she lets the words flow over the top of her head, holding her breath so she wouldn't cry. she doesn't say anything (are there even words for this awful pain?), just swallows her burning tea and stands up. the chair makes an awful squeaking noise, probably scratching up the floors you love so much. and she thinks, i hope they get scratched up so bad that every time you see them you think of me. and then she had feels ashamed, and petty. she forces a smile and she waves goodbye, and then slams the door.

she sits in the car for what felt like ten years, tears dripping onto the steering wheel and the seat, her shoes in her hand, her nose burning. the sky is gray, the ground is gray, the clouds are taunting her. her fire is gray, the funeral parlor is bleak. there is no joy in steamed fish. there is no joy in pranking people, not without you.

glaze lilies bring to mind your love for puns, the way she would wake up every sunday morning with a fresh bouquet and a note pinned to them on her bedside table. her heart splits a little when she eats jueyun chili chicken, because it was your favorite. when it comes around to your birthday, she takes a long bath and cries until her throat is raw and her eyes are red and swollen. on her birthday, despite the party that her friends throw for her, she wonders if you're remembering her the way she remembers you.

xiao |

xiao has never been good with feelings, but he is completely head over heels in love for you. he would sprint in front of a moving train for you. he would stab himself for you. he would rip out his heart for you, except you've done it first.

words shouldn't be able to hurt this much, especially words coming from your mouth, your mouth which usually says, i love you, xiao. except this time, it's saying, maybe we should rethink our relationship. i think we need a break. and he knows that you aren't meaning to hurt him, just trying to move on, just trying to make yourself feel better, but that doesn't console him. he tries to make himself feel angry as you're talking to him, but he can't. it's as if he won't feel anything ever again, just the painful pressure in his head, the ringing of your voice in his ears.

do me a favor and break my nose, or tell me to go away, he screams at you, but just in his head. he loves you, still. he feels like a broken nose would hurt less than this, your patient, sympathetic smile, your cried-out eyes that show that you still care too. you reach for his hand, but he feels like your touch would burn, maybe it would make him shatter into a million pieces like glass. do people do that? do adepti do that? does anything alive do that at all?

he feels like he's drowning, like something's holding his head underwater. it's making your face all fuzzy. or maybe that's the tears in his eyes, or maybe he's tired. maybe he's so tired he's hallucinating the whole thing. but that would be too good to be true, because you're standing up and squeezing his shoulders and walking off.

he guesses that you won't have any more tea dates. and with that, he hurls his cup to the ground and watches it shatter.

raiden shogun |

raiden is unaccustomed to love, which is why it hurts more when you're breaking up with her. she had told you that she wasn't the right person to love, that she could hurt you, that she wasn't perfect. you had kissed her and told her that she was wrong, she was lying, of course she was perfect. despite her protests, she had fallen in love with you; your smile and your chin and your cheeks and your forehead. your hands, which hold hers.

she wants to slap you, make you hurt the way she does. she wants to kill you for how you made her love you and then you're making her stop. but of course, she can't stop. how could she ever not love you? you take her face in your hands and she melts, she slumps away. she tries to deny it to herself (of course you still love her!) but it feels like she's ripping away, like just a small gust of wind could strip her away to her skeleton.

bleakly, in her haze, she wonders if there's someone else. someone else who's stolen your gaze as she once did, who you think about at night and whisper stolen words into their ears. but then she thinks about you, and she realizes that would not be the case. you would be doing it because you would think that she wanted it, that she wanted space.

you kiss her cheek, and she thinks numbly, maybe if she was better at love, this wouldn't happen.

childe |

childe had never thrown himself into love as fervently as he did with yours. you could make him smile when he felt like he was dying, and your laugh had taken up a space in his brain reserved specifically for you.

he loved how the light dappling across your face could bathe you in such an ethereal glow, as if you were blessed by the archons. and, he guessed, sometimes you were. it's uncanny, the way your face showed no emotion as you took his hand and whispered, i think we need a break. his heart had shattered then, into a million pieces that dissolved into his body. maybe he could never fix it.

he stares at you, so blankly, you wonder maybe if he hasn't heard you. then he says, what? so softly, so sadly, it almost splits your soul apart. he thinks, probably, that no one will make him as happy as you did. perhaps he will never be happy again. this thought scares him, it rattles him, he never wants to forget your face.

he's never cried over someone before, but he does now. and the sight of his tears shock you, as if you've been dumped into an ice-cold bath and can't breathe. he's sobbing, hands curled into tight fists, waving you away, telling you to just go, please go, please, please go. you don't want to leave him, but you know his sadness will turn to anger and he will lash out. you press a kiss to his temple and he shouts, fuck off! fuck off and go!

as he watches you go, he thinks that simply "fuck off" might be too kind.

[chepedukduks]

Holy mackarel I just randomly thought of wizard game again… hit with crazy feels every time I remember that dang thing and the community that loves it.

Heck, I was an autistic kid and that game was my whole reason to keep going, for a while. The stories I wrote to myself, the days where I’d sit and think of nothing but scrabdackle. The dozens of fanfic ideas I never got to write, fanart and fan animations I wasn’t good enough to make. The people I connected with so much emotionally… I doubt anyone else cared as much as I do. Or even knew how I felt. I just acted stupid and energetic. That’s how I showed my love back then. I remember all the little things and inside jokes and little moments and the little jolts of pain I’d get every time I’d mess up and do something wrong. Around the middle of last year was when I’d listen to stupid corny songs about moving on and how everyone’s happier without me. It felt like the world was crashing down… like some childish, silly breakup. Such a harsh reaction to something so inconsequential to everyone else. I’m downplaying it now, but it hurt bad back then. The fact that I got so scared, so afraid of getting real and never truly expressing — not knowing HOW to express — how much it’d really meant to me despite everything, is something I’ll always regret. I realize only in retrospect that the community isn’t perfect, not at all, but I’m not perfect either.

I remember being bitter at people… for no real reason? I honestly don’t even remember why I was upset, but it was probably something stupid and petty. I was a petty guy. I remember getting in trouble a lot, like I was the troubled kid. I probably was. My heart was in the right place, but my actions may not have reflected that. I think I’m emotionally stunted. That’s okay. I’m sorry regardless.

I remember how I’d act all dramatic, pointing to the stars and praying to whatever god was out there that I wanted it to be successful! As if that’s how the world works. I’d imagine a tree, a small sapling that we raised together. Me and my cool internet friends that I looked up to! I’d cry myself happy tears to sleep dreaming about how it’ll become so big and beautiful someday, and then sad tears believing I wouldn’t be there to see it. I was such a sensitive, naive person… still am. I don’t wanna change that about me, never.

I wish I knew you all more personally (subposting pfft, what’s new). I don’t know how to socialize at all, and I’d hate to subject anyone in that server to any more of my overbearing sentimentality. Thank you for being so kind. Thank you for talking and being my friends and keeping me updated and sharing our appreciation for the game with each other. Last year, all I could think of was how to say goodbye. I’m not planning on saying that anymore. Someday, I’m gonna show the world peak fiction… absolute cinema…. just you wait, but not now. Not for a long, long time.

I dunno why I’m writing this now. Just feel like it, I guess. Maybe I should’ve waited till thanksgiving, but does being thankful really need a particular date?

So yeah, thanks for raising me for 2 whole years <3

- Chep

(TLDR: JUST DON’T READ IT IT’S CORNY also wishlist scrabdackle on steam :p)

[brighteststar707]

Hi I have some numbers for the ask game: 14 & 31 for Jumin and 50 for V please! Hope you're feeling better now💗

Hi Xela! I'm sorry it took so long for me to reply, I've been busier than expected this weekend. I'm definitely feeling better, like I'm actually living life again. I hope you're also feeling better!

I've also enjoyed talking about character headcanons and indulging in my mysme thoughts again :)

Jumin

14. What are they petty about?

Although he appears professional and put-together to the public, we know that's not the full story. Jumin can be childish and petty too, especially when talking to certain members of the RFA 👀.

He's very sensitive about Elizabeth the Third. Call her by her full name, treat her with respect and recognize her true beauty and elegance or face the wrath of petty cat mother Jumin.

Also, I think he's at his pettiest when talking to Zen. It's very satisfying to see how quickly he can get a rise out of him, and it's good revenge for when Zen is talking shit in the chat.

31. What dumb shit do they do without hesitation?

Spending money. Especially with two people (technically one person and one cat) to spoil now, he will not hesitate to drop ridiculous amounts of money on things that he shouldn't, just to make you happy. Be careful of what you say around him or he'll be buying you an island just because you said you miss the beach.

Elizabeth III lives in kitty paradise and wears diamond-encrusted collars, and it's still not enough for him. She has enough toys, beds, collars and different kinds of treats to last her all of her nine lives.

Special mention for this moment:

Pure reckless dumb ideas from Jumin here. Only he would think of stealing a sports car and crashing it just to get revenge and let off steam.

50. What are they super embarrassed about enjoying?

He isn't used to feeling embarrassment. However, he has some guilty pleasures that he likes to keep to himself.

I think that he secretly enjoys reality TV shows. The over-the-top personalities, the bizarre situations they get put into, the ridiculous fights that inevitably break out... He just can't look away. It's like a nature documentary on a new and strange environment he'd never have known otherwise.

He also enjoys watching romance dramas (though he stays away from ones about office romances, they feels too close to home). He is secretly an expert on the different tropes and character types, and likes to theorize with Elizabeth on what's going to happen next.

Jihyun

14. What are they petty about?

I believe that Jihyun at his best is as mischievous and petty as the next RFA member. Remember, he grew up with Jumin. He can give as good as he gets, even if it's in his own way.

This is most obvious when he's talking to Jumin or Saeyoung, as he's the most comfortable with them. If they try to tease him or embarrass him, he has plenty of ammunition on them to fire back.

31. What dumb shit do they do without hesitation?

*gestures to the whole of another story*

V thinking he could take on Mint Eye and rescue MC all by himself only to get drugged into oblivion is a pretty strong contender for dumbest V moment.

Despite being one of the oldest members and the head of the RFA, he doesn't seem to think things through completely. He's the definition of act first and think later, because he has so much that he's desperate to protect.

50. What are they super embarrassed about enjoying?

Videogames. He has a console at home (an old one of Jumin's) and a decent collection of games. He often unwinds by playing indie games with unique artstyles and calming environments. These aren't the ones he's embarrassed about.

He made a LOLOL account out of curiosity after hearing Yoosung talk about it, and was hooked almost immediately. He has since gotten quite good at it and even branched into other similar games. He doesn't bring it up in the chat because he's embarrassed of what Saeyoung and Yoosung would say if they found out.

[torawro]

Hey Sosa! I got a question! So whenever reader is mad at byakuya how do you think he’s make up for it? Does he buy her things and grovel at her feet? What’s your take on it?

me folding like a sheet and looking for a byakuya bot on c.ai to talk to when u sent me this..................KJKDJS BUT HIII NONNIE! i can't begin to express how excited and hype i was to receive this ask and you explicitly want my take on it. i mean, me???? of all people??? i am HONORED.

i truly love this question like eek! excited to talk abt byakuya <3 i'm gonna assume that you saw my recent post answering an ask from a mutual about rich bf / fiancé!byakuya soooo i'm just gonna build off that, but i still think this can apply to him regardless of that.

so, if and when you get at him for something (maybe you got into an argument w him or something) there's just....silence at first. like he is soooo prideful it's almost kind of sick, and you're just very persistent in wanting him to see things from your point of view so this segues into you being petty and not talking to him for the moment. his face remains stoic, as if he doesn't really care and he'll let you "blow off steam" but deep down......he is...he doesn't like it. doesn't like you being upset or mad for any reason, especially not at him. it breaks his wittle heart :(

he starts to question if whatever he did or said was wrong, and when he does realize the mistake, this is when he'll resort to buying you things to make up for it because byakuya kuchiki is a man of (silent) action and not words. he's never really been good at words in instances like this.

so he'll gift you a bracelet, necklace, or some other kind of jewelry here, maybe your favorite foods, some accessories, new clothes (because he IS the partner that knows your exact size in everything), and he may even give you just straight cash to have you buy whatever else you wanted.

but to stand your ground, you don't accept anything he gives you. and this hurts him even more because he was confused on why you were refusing him in this manner too. that's when he realizes you were really serious,...and really upset with him. he almost resembled a disappointed child that has been lied to all their lives.

byakuya is such a....he broods when you're upset with him. like anyone that comes in his vicinity can feel the sadness and melancholic energy emanating off him, and if someone rubbed him the wrong way even a little, he'd be meaner than he usually is.

this is when he finally does his very best and talk to you.

when you enter his vast penthouse, the moment you start to make a beeline away from him, he grabs you gently by the wrist, and your head slowly turns to look at his handsome but somber visage. his head is lowered, eyes preferring to look at your legs rather than your face, and a hand clenched in his pocket, his eyes fluttered closed for a moment before reopening them again.

"my love...let us-- let me stop this. i...i apologize. i didn't mean to upset you, nor did i mean for this silence to persist for this long." he would gently tug your body closer, until you were nearly pressed up against each other. he looked down at you with solemn silvery gray eyes and his lips hovered near your face. "let us talk about this properly. i promise to keep an open mind, and will not act the same as before. i admit it was somewhat childish of me."

"i miss you." his deep voice would lower in tone as his lips brushed against yours. and you missed him too. when you breathed out his name in a barely audible whisper and closed the distance between your lips, you knew you had already forgiven him <3

and when he attempts to spoil you again this time with gifts, you gladly accept with a kiss on his cheek :)

[mejomonster]

Well. Silent Reading chapter 12, where they talk about Fei Du's moms death and how he doesn't accept the conclusion, how Luo Wenzhou advises he at least try to move on emotionally. The way Fei Du is tapping a song on his cup (perhaps his moms), that he stops tapping when Luo Wenzhou hits a nerve and becomes like a statue--revealing his true emotions in a way he doesn't/can't in therapy. The grief talk he probably has needed to hear for a while, but first a very painful talk where there is no seeing eye to eye and no agreeing because they both have their reasons. And Luo Wenzhou turns off the petty conflict for it because Fei Du deserves to genuinely discuss it with Luo Wenzhou as level headed adults with their analysis if Fei Du wants to. And Fei Du is so emotional, and in the end as he puts his mask back up. (A note on the show version: some portions of this changed, the main dialogue stayed fairly true and the function of the scene. In both cases, this scene absolutely cuts up my heart ;-; ):

"Someone once said to me that ‘everything that happens in this world leaves traces,’ but whether you can find them depends on each side’s luck. Is your luck good this time?”

Luo Wenzhou suddenly froze. The blow-for-blow probing, bantering, and hinting vanished utterly from his face. For an instant the corners of his mouth were even pulled a little tight.

Luo Wenzhou subconsciously got his cigarettes out of his pocket, thought of something, and put them back.

Instantly there was deep silence between the two of them. Neither looked at the other. They only sat side by side with a distance of about one meter between them, like complete strangers.

“The windows and doors were locked. None of the rooms showed signs of forced entry. The most advanced security system of the time was entirely untouched.” Luo Wenzhou abruptly opened his mouth to speak, his voice very low and his speech very fast, as if he had already recited these words many times and could smoothly say them without missing a single punctuation mark.

“She had done her makeup and changed her clothes, even put on music. The scene had a certain feeling of ritual. There was a suicide note arranged on the writing desk next to her. It was analyzed, the handwriting confirmed to belong to the deceased. The person who had written the letter showed clear depressive tendencies, which tallied with her daily use of antidepressant medication. The deceased was an adult, with no illness or injury that may have led her to be unable to act for herself. No drugs sufficient to cause unconsciousness were found in her system. There were also no defensive wounds on her body.—That’s all the evidence we collected at the time. You were the one who reported the case. You reached the scene before we did. Unless you want to tell me that you hid some evidence back then, it was without a doubt a suicide.”

Fei Du didn’t speak. His sitting posture seemed very relaxed—legs crossed, upper body leaning forward slightly, one hand casually lying on his knee and the other holding a paper cup that was no longer steaming. His long and slender fingers were tapping out a beat on the rim of the cup, as if there was a melody no one else could hear filling the air.

“I said to you then, ‘Everything that happens in this world leaves traces, as long as it’s real. Without traces to support your opinion, however much you believe in it, it’s still only a dead end of the imagination.’ Fei Du, you may have had a certain intuition, but we can’t do our job based on intuition. My intuition tells me every day that I can make five million.” Luo Wenzhou’s gaze stopped on Fei Du’s fingers. Then, in an almost callously objective tone, he said, “And you know, there’s a theory abroad that says that if a person wants to kill herself, she may suddenly use some means to confess it to the people close to her—you heard her confession back then.”

Fei Du’s fingers suddenly stiffened.

Luo Wenzhou reached out his arm, pulled the paper cup out of his hand and put it aside. “If you really want to talk over this case with me, I maintain my judgment to this day—but it doesn’t matter whose judgment it is. That isn’t important anymore. She’s been dead for seven years. When the coffin is closed, you can judge a person’s life. The relevant evidence has all disappeared. This isn’t going to sound good, but if she’s reincarnated she’ll already be attending primary school. The living can cling on without letting go; it’s a form of emotional sustenance. But there’s no sense in blindly clinging to the wrong course.”

Maintaining his original posture, Fei Du sat without moving a muscle, as if he had turned into a statue.

Just then, Zhang Ting and the lawyer came out side by side, and Fei Du’s gaze moved slightly, giving off a trace of living energy.

“I don’t accept your conclusion, Officer Luo,” said Fei Du.

Hearing this, Luo Wenzhou wasn’t at all taken aback. He only shrugged.

Fei Du adjusted his jacket and stood to meet Zhang Ting and the lawyer. He looked down at Luo Wenzhou. There was no smile on his face; his expression was even somewhat somber. “But perhaps there’s some merit in your heartfelt advice.”

Luo Wenzhou was surprised, but after saying this, Fei Du once again put on his graceful mask and left with Zhang Ting. They didn’t have any further interaction.

[annionebutme]

I should mention at this point that I have a lot of traumas surrounding being ghosted due to a late friend's ghosting before suicide, and Bianca is very aware of that. About a year before this she had ghosted me for 2 weeks (because I expressed that I didn't find a joke she made funny) right after she had expressed suicidal thoughts to me. I was able to hear she was ok through others but it was still very worrying. Bianca litterally didn't think I'd even notice or care (Depression will convince you of that. It's lying.) And I told her straight up that if she ever did that again we would not be friends because I cannot handle that kind of trauma. I don't mind people taking a break from me, I just ask that if they have been expressing suicidal thoughts and I've literally been talking them down and supporting them through those thoughts that you message me a quick "I'm fine. Just need space." first.

About 1 month into the ghosting I finally decide that this means Bianca and I are no longer friends. I think it's a stupid thing to end a friendship over - it's like a 5 miniute conversation to hash things out - but that's her choice. I decide to unfriend her on steam so I don't have her activity popping up and reminding me of this while I'm playing online with my son. (I know she's fine because she's sent Clint some really nasty messages about how he wasn't supposed to tell me. As if it would be natural to keep quiet about such a thing? It's odd so people will mention it.)

About a month after that is when I get a call from Jane, another mutual friend (and the one who first tipped off Clint to my going with my son which was why he was so eager to meet.) Jane has been contacted by Bianca saying that she's sorry she's been such a shit friend (apparently ghosted the whole extended friend group) shes sure everyone has heard about the drama by now (they haven't, because it's over such petty bullshit) she has apologised to me but I've not accepted it could someone please step in. Clint has one too, and messages while I'm speaking to Jane. I confirm to both of them that she has not contacted me at all. I check everywhere we possibly could have talked. Nothing. I send screenshots.

No one else gets involved because our friends aren't 12. They all say she should deal with it herself and I don't even hear about how many people she contacted until months later. I do get a copy-pasted message of hers to Clint slagging him off for telling me.

I did say not to raise anything with her. I know she gets very confrontational. I knew she wouldn’t take it well, hence why I told you I wasn’t going to say anything to her. And now she’s gone.  

Our dear Bianca is also upset with him for another reason. You see, Bianca is very mentally unwell. She has been diagnosed with a variety of things at this point but chief among them are depression and anxiety. She is involved with multiple mental heath professionals whom she likes seeing and has previously stayed in our areas short term ward which she enjoyed so much she elected to stay there over the weekend (where they wouldn't have anyone to discharge her) instead of leaving slightly early on the friday. Which is the context for the next bit of message

I only stopped speaking to you because whenever we did talk, you always ended up telling me to go back to the hospital. All those comments made me feel stigmatised, that I was just this broken thing to be left for someone else to sort out. I couldn’t stand to keep hearing that sort of thing, especially when I kept telling you that hospitals don’t solve everything, they’re just a circuit breaker to disrupt the immediate thoughts. Didn’t matter what I was doing at the time to try and get help, it just wasn’t good enough.

Bianca would contact Clint regularly to discuss her suicidal thoughts. Clint is not a mental health professional and unlike me (who had been dealing with this for 6 years at this point) did not have personal experience of the depths of depression to rely on, so would encourage her to connect with the services she was already engaged with. Bianca was not happy with this at all. It must be Clint who talks her down

Clint is extra pissed because in the two months Bianca has been absent from our lives we've made a little support group. We've talked a lot about how shit of a friend Bianca has been. We work out she's barely asked how any of us are doing for like 8 months. Jane she'll only message for favours even though Jane has just gotten a house and has just become a single mother (through a donor but being alone is no less difficult.) And Bianca hasn't so much as mentioned the pregnancy from conception to birth. She knows about the pregnancy, Jodie keeps saying she can't do favours because she's getting the house ready for the baby, but there's no follow up convo from Daria. Clint says that on his days with his daughter she'll message him these long rants about how bad her mental health is and how close she is to suicide (no "up for a d&m?" Or normal convo first to lead into it, just dumping.) And didn't ask how he was while he was in hospital for surgery. And I talk about how I've not been able to mention my going anywhere for months without her going off at me for not visiting her. Trying to keep her in the loop about my life like friends tend to was impossible. The amount of shit me and Clint have done for her is honestly pretty astronomical and that's only counting the past year. So now I'm upset for Clint as well. How dare she try to make him responsible for her mental health when he obviously isn't equipped to handle it? Clint more or less tells her to get fucked. But like more polite.

I get an "apology" 9 days later.

<part 1

Part 3>

[cyarskj52]

Drake Is An Awful Person To Date (And If You Act Like Him, So Are You)

Drake is emotionally and lyrically stunted, and it's time to grow up.

"Thots & Thoughts"is a column in which musings on dating, sex, race, religion, and politics all come together—from a bird's-eye view.

In terms of artistic license, Drake has every right to continue making music about emotional immaturity. He has every right to a whiny outlook on his failed relationships (fictional and otherwise). Likewise, his most ardent fans have every right to keep quoting his songs on social media and pretending that Aubrey Graham is more emotionally intelligent than he actually is. But wouldn't it be nice if we could all grow up a little?

I am not a Drake hater. Of course, I do question how a Canadian developed a Houston accent as an adult. I also question how said Canadian became West Indian on his latest album. But petty concerns like that haven’t convinced me that he isn’t good at what he does. (I have the receipts of monetary support to prove it.) Still, time has made me wonder how anyone that close to 30 can continue thinking the way he does.

How many more songs can this man make about how he had a “good girl,” went off to do his own thing (and fuck other people freely), and found himself steaming like a hot toddy because that “good girl” lost interest? Even worse, this motherfucker has the audacity to feel a way about someone getting over him. What kind of middle school man-child tripping-over-his-hormones shit is he on? Excuse me, still on.

via GIPHY

Gather ‘round, beloveds. I have many examples:

“All of my ‘let’s just be friends’ are friends I don’t have anymore/Guess that’s why they say you need family for”

Listen, when you do not meet people under platonic circumstances, do not expect them to want to be your platonic friend. I have told many a man to get the hell away from me talking about “let’s just be friends.” Bitch, I got friends. Move around.

“I tried with you/There’s more to life than sleeping in and getting high with you/I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do”

Okay, great. So when they move on, don’t get all pissy about it, newly beardless wonder (more wonderful with a beard, though, tbh).

“Why do I settle for women that force me to pick up the pieces?/Why do I want an independent woman to feel like she needs me?”

Because you’re emotionally manipulative.

“I gave your nickname to someone else.”

You’re also a mean-spirited child at times.

“Chasing women a distraction/They want to be on TV next to me/You cannot be here next to me/Don’t you see Riri here next to me?”

God, shut up.

“I’m way too good to you... You take my love for granted/I just don’t understand it.”

Yo, this man routinely raps about screwing over women, virtually driving them away. Wait, I have another example.

“You hit me like, ‘I know you’re there with someone else’/That pussy knows me better than I know myself”

See that?

Get the hell on somewhere yapping about being too good for anyone. Okay, you are handsome, famous, and rich. There are a bunch of folks like that on Unsung and old episodes of Behind the Music, though. Don’t get too cocky.

And we cannot forget “Hotline Bling,” which is great as a song to bop to in the club, in the car, at the gym, on a sidewalk, or wherever else it’s playing. But as a statement, the song is a prime example that 2016 is the year of our Lemonade.

via GIPHY

Whoever told Drake he was more immature than Marques Houston deserves a medal of honor.

I don’t expect a whole lot from him. I know some would like him to be more socially conscious in his work, but I’m not sure he’s capable of that—and if he isn’t, I’d rather he make silent donations to those who are. What I do want from Drake, though, is for him to work on the sexism in his music. More specifically, I’d love for him to be a wee bit less of a self-involved jackass who routinely bitches about chasing women away and then being bitter when they move on with their lives.

That’s what folks are supposed to do, especially when they date people like Drake. His new album is disappointing for many reasons, but I’m most disappointed that, lyrically, he’s doing the same boring shuffle without a morsel of self-awareness.

I guess that doesn’t really matter, since his music is selling exceptionally well. But for those of us with higher expectations for Drake, it’s about time he grew up already. Maybe then he’d escape the pattern of pushing “those girls” away, who move on to become much happier women.

And if you act anything like Drake, you should join in walking into actual adulthood. Ashe, assholes.

Related

Sent from my iPhone

[agcntbubbles]

Clayton turns, dishes already set by the sink so he can start prepping the water and finding the soap and such. There's no room for argument, this he knows and knows without having to be told it. Still, he scowls some and his shoulders move in a particularly dramatic huff. ❝ That's not usually how bad it gets, you know. I don't have the best supplies on me at all times, but I don't always walk around with lemon disinfectant wipes. Got those from lunch before everything went to shit. ❞

He'll argue that he's not as helpless and reckless as he looks, but he won't argue having some overly stuffed medical pack shove at him at the end of the night.

His fingers watch fingertips with a hawk-like look that the wine has made hard to mask. He catches himself at the first glimpse of skin and tries his best to not make it looking back for the dinner dishes seem too noticeable.

❝ Wouldn't know, man. Haven't exactly had the time to explore that shit. People to shoot, you know? ❞ sex wasn't very interesting to him anyway. A few quick partners here and there in the pursuit of blowing off steam or anxiety, of getting information. But it just wasn't something he leapt at. It's always been that way, it was just lucky he ended up in a field where less attachment to sins of the flesh was beneficial.

❝ I feel like that implies you're not far off. Soulmates. Complementing one another. Blah, blah. Closed off, petty guy who solos it. Praise kink, fine. Makes sense. What about the big boy who is all bright smiles and crinkled eyes except when he isn't? ❞ he touches the water and finds it suitable and gets to work. He'd only needed to see Kellam make that sort of expression once to know the man he was talking to now maybe wasn't the man who had once been. Work had been put into softening edges.

❝ I think you like to get a little mean. Maybe you like it when someone else is a little mean. ❞ it's easy between the wine and focusing on finishing the first dish to read the man without putting too much thought into it. He set the first dish aside to either be dried by Kellam or put on a drying rack if there was one.

❝ Hell, probably both. ❞ he looks finally to the man as he hands off the last dish and goes about seeking a rag to dry his own hands. ❝ Not attacking. Just teasing. ❞

A brow perks, but his tongue remains pressed against the back of his teeth. Momentarily stilled at the sound of injury. "Speaking of that death trap medical kit of yours." He'd custom packed for the walking disaster himself, call it a prudent exercise in free time. "Remind me to handover the upgrade at the end of the night." In a tone that brokers no argument. 

Fingertips move up to unbutton the topmost fastens at his throat, to account for alcohol flush, as he snorts in amusement. "I bet you have a praise kink a mile wide huh pretty?" A slight incline of his head before he rolled up his shirt sleeves again, a more practical thing rather than decorative. It's always those reticent to compliments that without fail, wobble at the knees when peppered with something sweet and genuine. 

He's beaten to the metaphorical punch when Clay moves to snatch up both their plates. "More the consideration, but sure if you want to throw in a little dress up." A quick refill and sip of his own wine glass, before he's joining the blonde at the sink. 

"Sponge, scalding hot water, soap, rinse, and towel dry." Kellam laughs. "Are you personally attacking me for enjoying my routine? Uncharacteristically bold of you petty professional."  Alas, there he goes teasing about the not-quite shyness again.

[xxxdepointedulaclioncourt]

can i say why i love louis and lestat? again? anywhoo, i will. i saw a comment that asked if louis in the show, loved lestat bc he’s not as a affectionate....and ngl i was like...yeah, i see where that person is coming from BUT....

he does love lestat, they’re just two very didn’t people. down to the way they talk 

“I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING.”

“he gave me some face.”

the above is just funny to me. 

but they’re also different with their emotions, lestat has huge emotions, he show’s them (getting pissed and making a big show with the soldiers and then yelling)

but louis was already just as hurt, he just did it differently. he didn’t yell or anything when he asked if he was enough. there was a lot of hurt but he was super calm about it and then LESTAT LAUGHS. i get WHY he laughed but oof, that had to hurt and lestat goes on about variety and louis doesn’t give any big emotions either, he just’s like “ight” bet. 

even going with jonah, it only happened after he met eyes with lestat. 

just two very different people who express it different ways and even though i think louis could show more....i get why he doesn’t. ya partner is there for comfort and etc right? well, each time, even if it’s because of human emotions....human connections, lestat shuts it down and shrug’s it off. 

and still, louis is smiling and making heart at this man enjoying the opera (until he didn’t) while he had to walk in as his valet. and this is AFTER lestat told him that becoming a vampire would shed him of his human limitations.  

he’s smiling at lestat as the man steam-rolls over his guilt for his nephew and is pulling out suits. 

louis didn’t go to church everyday but lestat murdered his comfort (confessing to the priest) and he still chose him 

still chose him after he murdered miss lily

still said yes after lestat ran up on him during his brothers funeral bc he was left on read

and when i think about the fact that when louis embraced his vampire nature with the lawyer and he was scolded about it because he didn’t do it right. he gave in like his lover wanted but STILL was told he did it wrong. like, i’d be petty and not drink from another human either. and still, he’s with this man. 

how he smiles when lestat is playing the piano

HE LOVES LESTAT OKAY, dangerously so. 

i need other people let me know the moments they saw louis love, send me your anon’s

[weirdos-am-i-right]

Fuck Traveling// Pete Davidson x reader

Request from @annalayton19

Hi! I’m a new follower and I really like your stuff! Could I request a Pete Davidson x reader (angst to fluff) where Pete is on tour or filming away from home and the reader is left behind. After like 6 months of being apart Pete starts to get tired of the long distance and basically like done with it. And then he realizes his mistake and comes home to make it up to her! I’m sorry if that’s super long! Also if this imagine doesn’t interest you, then no sweat! Thank you so much in advance 💕

A/n: This took so much less time then I thought it would. Anyway, here you go, I really hope you like it!

Warning: angst, swearing, like one cigarettes

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€

Six months. Six months was an extremely long time to be away from someone you loved.

Y/n sat on the couch, a small pout on her lips. She looked at Pete—her boyfriend of a year—and frowned. “I wish I could go with you.” Pete frowns too, and sits down next to her.

“I know. I wish you were coming with me too. But hey, it’s only a couple of months, all right? I’ll be back before you know it.” He kissed her cheek.

“I just wish my contract would let me. You have no idea how annoying it is to not be able to do things because of freaking Marvel.” She groans, falling on her back with a slight ‘plop’.

“Well, because of freaking Marvel, you are one of the best actresses out there. And I know you’re going to kill it with filming. My tour isn’t even that cool. It’ll broke you to death.” He jokes, leaning back on the arm of the couch.

“Babe, you’re a comedian.”

“Oh right, I forgot.” He grabs her arm, and pulls her up into his chest. “I love you, okay?” He lifts her chin up, and kisses her. “So fucking much. We’ll face time everyday, I’ll call you every evening and wish you goodnight.”

“Okay.” She looked over a the clock, and sighed. “We have to go. Your flight is leaving soon.” He brushes hair behind her ear, bringing her eyes back to him.

“I love you. It’ll be over before you know it.”

“I love you, too.”

********

The car ride to the airport was long, and quiet. Pete was driving, he had one hand on the steering wheel, and one hand on Y/n’s leg, rubbing small circles into the center of her thigh.

She knew she was going to miss him so much, but she also knew she was going to be extremely busy with filming, so it wouldn’t be as bad.

Once they were at the gate, they tearfully hugged, and she kissed him. “All right, now get out of here. We’re not doing that rom-com turn back at the last second goodbye.” She laughed at him, tears steaming down her face a bit. He wiped one with his thumb, and kissed her again. “Love you. Now go, so I get to watch you walk away.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She turns around, and starts walking back to her car. She knew he hated leaving her too, but he was a lot better at hiding emotions then she was, that was one of the only things she learned while dating him.

She got in her car, and put her head on her steering wheel.

She groans, and leans back. Starting her car, she pulled out of the airport, and drove home.

**********

The first few months were the worst. Y/n hated going to bed alone, the left side of the bed always cold.

She was filming almost every day, and seeing her co-workers and friends always cheered her up, after all she had been working with the same people for quite some time now, so she felt comfortable around them.

The fourth month was slowly becoming easier. She got use to coming home to no one there, and making dinner for herself. She still talked to Pete every day, texting him good morning, and Goodnight, and FaceTiming him a lot during the day.

Though she knew he loved her, she felt as though he was slightly pulling away. The FaceTime calls were short, and he never texted her back right away like he use to.

“And so, we we’re almost done with the shoot, so close I could practically taste the coffee in my trailer waiting for me, and then Kevin calls cut, and he makes us do the whole scene over again! I swear, I was about to strange that man. Ugh, I can’t wait til you come home. Only two more weeks, I can’t believe we made it.” Y/n rants, talking to Pete on the phone.

“Uh huh. Cool.” He wasn’t looking at her, instead his attention was somewhere else. Y/n frowns, tilting her head a bit.

“Pete…are, are you okay?” That seemed to catch his attention, and he finally looked at the screen.

“What? I’m fine.”

“Okay…you just seem so…different lately. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but you seem like you don’t have time for me anymore. Or if you do, you don’t like talking to me.” Pete scoffs.

“Of course I don’t have time for you right now. I’m in between shows, I’m driving to one as we speak. I mean, god forbid I get a minute to myself without my agents or you calling me.” Pete snapped.

“Wha-I’m just talking to you. If you didn’t want to, you could have said something.”

“That’s bullshit you would have thrown a fucking hissy fit or something.” He rolls his eyes.

“That’s not true. I understand when people are tired, believe me I would know.”

“Would you?”

“Yes!” She had tears stinging her eyes. “Of course I do, you’re forgetting what I do for a living. I work from 6 am to whenever we finish which most of the time is in the middle of the night. I have to re-do the same scene about ten times because RDJ won’t stop making jokes in the middle of the scene!”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot about your super-star actress life.”

“Why are you being so mean to me? I was only concerned about you.”

“Mean? What are you, five? I can’t-I can’t do this anymore.” She huffs, crossing her arms.

“What do you talking about? Are you breaking up with me?”

“Wh-”

“Because then fine. If you don’t want to be with me, I don’t have to take this shit. I’ll be with someone who, oh, I don’t know is actually here.”

“Oh that’s fucking rich, you know I can’t be there, don’t even do that.” She scoffs.

“I don’t care. You want to act like a petty bitch, I have no problem doing it right back.”

“No, I think you’re just a petty bitch.” She wipes her eye, and he laughs dryly. “Oh of course you’re crying.”

“Shut up. If you don’t want to be with me, fine. Go enjoy your show, Pete.” She hung up the phone, and turned off the ringer. She plugged it into her charger, and went into the bathroom, turning the shower on.

********

Pete rubbed his eyes, and took a drag of his cigarette. He knew he shouldn’t have snapped at her, it wasn’t her fault he was cranky, and needed to take it out on someone.

“I’m a dick.” He mumbles to himself, and bangs his steering wheel.

His phone rang again, and for a good second his heart leaping out of his chest, thinking it was his girlfriend, calling him back. He checked the phone, seeing it was Colson. He answered the call.

“What’s up, man?” Pete asks.

“The shows starting soon. You almost here?” Colson questioned. Pete looked at his google maps, seeing he was supposed to be there in ten minutes.

“I’m a good ten minutes away. I’ll be there.”

“You sound weird. What the fuck did you take without me?” Colson asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“Uh…Y/n and I just broke up. I think.” The line was silent for a few seconds.

“Why the fuck would you do that, you idiot? Are you kidding me?” Colson scoffs. “Man, what the fuck?”

“Shut up, man. I can’t stand talking on the phone with her. I’m busy, she’s busy, she plays a superhero for fuck’s sake. I didn’t even expect it to last this long to be honest.”

“Man, you fucking dumbass. That girl was probably the only good thing you had going for you. Get her the fuck back.I thought you loved her.”

“I did-I do. I do love her. I’m just so stressed right now, and excuse me for not wanting to hear about fucking Kevin Feige being a shitty director.”

“Hey, fuck-shit, you ever think that maybe this is more hard on her? Acting is fucking hard, you should know that, especially for a company like Marvel.

“Man, who’s side are you on?” Pete turns into the parking lot, and grabs his phone.

“You think I’m on your side here? You’re forgetting that we were friends before I met you. I can not believe you just fucked up the best thing in your life. Fix it, man. You’re going home in a week, fucking fix it.” And with that, Colson hung up, and put his phone away.

He kicked a rock across the pavement, and cursed under his breathe.

********

The worst thing about breaking up with someone you live with, who so happens to be long-distance is that their stuff fills the apartment with an existential amount of regret.

Y/n laid on her couch, flipping through the channels of the TV. She had called off work for the next few days, not feeling up to put on a performance for anyone. She knew she would get shit for it later, but she didn’t care.

Her head perked up when there was a knock on the door. She sighed, and got up, going over to the door. She really didn’t feel like company at the moment, and was sure she was going to send away whoever it was.

When she opened the door, her breathe caught in her throat. Pete stood in the doorway, looming over her. He looked like shit. She could tell he hadn’t slept, and probably didn’t eat anything, but she knew he didn’t look much better.

“Why-why didn’t you use your key?” Y/n asks, opening the door a bit for him.

“I uh, didn’t want to barge in on you. You also probably weren’t expecting me.”

“I wasn’t. I thought you didn’t get back until next week.” She says. It took every ounce of her not to jump into his arms, and kiss his face until she was sure she kissed every part of it.

“I took off early. Can we talk? Please. I was a dick. I was such a dick. I’m sorry, I know we grew apart in the last few months, and I promised we wouldn’t but we did, and I’m so sorry for that, baby.” He grabs her hand, and she slightly pulls it back, but let’s him grab it. “Please, forgive me. I love you, so much, okay? So fucking much, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me.”

She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she looked away from him. “What you said really hurt.”

“I know. And I’ll spend every day trying to make it up to you.” She quickly wrapped her arms around him, pushing her face into his chest. He didn’t hesitate to hug her back, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Fuck traveling.”

“Fuck traveling.”

.

[buckys-black-dress]

i don't care, i'm in love

a/n: alright sexies, part two! of my last thing you guys liked! idk if anyone's noticed just yet but the titles are from tame impala's song 'new person, same old mistakes' because the song is fire asf. anyways. enough talking, here it is! enjoy! (sorry this took so long lol, i had no idea where i was going w this plot after part 1.)

warnings: penetrative sex, oral sex (f receiving), choking, cursing. this story is 18+ !!! tap off if you're a minor. this is your warning.

wc: 4k words

[bucky barnes x fem!reader]

read part one here!

-

It's been a few days since your outburst with Bucky in the kitchen. While you haven't made eye contact with him whenever you've been in the same room, you've practically felt his looks from across the room.

The air had definitely shifted in any room where you were both present. Nobody still knows about your past relationship, and you don't intend on telling anyone about it.

You've decided to let Bucky stew in silence, not allowing any leeway. If he wanted to be stubborn, this is where it would land him. He chose his own fate in the end, and now he would have to suffer the consequences.

And it was pretty awkward, to say the least. It was currently movie night in the Avengers Tower, and you were all in the movie theater. Tony had selected a rom-com tonight, as superheroes do. You were sat with Natasha on a loveseat, your legs swung over hers as your shared snacks were laid on your lap for the both of you.

She had, of course, noticed your change in demeanor since your impromptu break-up. You hadn't divulged in the details with her, not wanting to out the relationship. Even though you wanted to be petty as ever, you decided you were going to be the mature one in this situation.

And then Bucky walks in.

With a... another girl?

Maybe you weren't taking the high road after all.

You instantly feel a heat wash over your body, making you want to scream and cry and laugh in incredulity all at the same time.

What the fuck?

"Hey guys, I brought a date to movie night, if that's alright..." His voice sounded like nails on a blackboard to you right now. "This is Sophia."

He says it so simply that no one knows what to say. Everyone spares a glance at you, and for a second, you wonder if he had told anyone.

But everyone had somewhat of an idea that Bucky likes you!

So now, everyone was a bit confused.

"Uhm, yeah, nice to meet ya. Take a seat anywhere." Steve's voice cuts the suffocating silence.

You make brief eye contact with Bucky, but you look away as fast as you had looked in the first place. You felt like there was a golf ball lodged in your throat, and if you didn't stop yourself, you think you would've strangled that motherfu-

You're led out of your train of thought by a light tap on your arm. Natasha gives you a look that's saying, you look like you're about to kill someone. Are you okay?

You shake your head, letting her know you're just fine. Everything's fine. Bucky's over there, with another girl, who's holding his hand. And you've been here wondering for the past two months what's been so wrong about you that he couldn't do the same with you. Let alone even tell people you were in a relationship.

And you're not going to lie. This stung. Really bad.

Although you wanted to sit here and act as unbothered as possible, it was hard. You wanted to enjoy your night, watch your movie, and go to bed. This was a turn of events that you weren't expecting in the least.

The tension in the room was too much, everyone exchanging glances back and forth between you, Bucky, and Sophia. They were all confused. There was an obvious tension between you and Bucky, and although it was never anything serious to them, they all thought he would man up soon enough and ask you out.

Now, sympathetic looks were being shot across the room between all the team members, and no one could say really say anything.

Suddenly, Steve sits up in his seat and glares at his friend.

"Buck, can ya help me bring some snacks from the kitchen?" The blond asks, not waiting for a reply from the brunet.

Once they're safely out of earshot from the movie room, Steve grasps Bucky's shoulder in a tight hold that has Bucky wincing.

"What the hell, man?" His voice comes out strained and laced with confusion.

"Buck, I think I should be asking you that question." Steve says. "Don't play fuckin' dumb with me. You know what I wanna talk about."

"Well, please do enlighten me-"

"Oh would ya drop it? Sophia? I'm sure she's a great gal, but for the past six months you've been bitchin' and moanin' about Y/N." Steve cuts his friend off, trying to gauge the situation.

"I just... things went south. I needed somethin' new... somethin' different." Bucky's voice was meek, almost like he was afraid to admit this to his best friend of 90 years.

"What... whaddaya mean things went... south? Did you tell her you liked her and she rejected you or somethin'?" The blond asks, brows pulled together in confusion.

"I just... I can't really explain to you what happened but... it was bad. I fucked up, Stevie." Bucky's head is still tilted downwards in guilt.

"Buck, you know you can tell me anything, right?" A hand is placed on his shoulder, and he wants to shrug it off, I don't deserve any comfort, he thinks. I did this all by myself.

"Can I just... I'll tell you. But you can't tell anyone. Especially Tony or Nat. Or Wanda." Steve gives him a brief nod, motioning for Bucky to go on.

"Y/N and I had been... seeing each other for the past two months..." Bucky starts to explain, and Steve's eyes are jut about popping out of their sockets by the time he finishes explaining.

A few moments pass, and silence soaks the air surrounding them.

"You... you two were dating... in secret? You didn't tell me?" The look Steve gave Bucky made the latter's insides twist in the worst way possible. He should've told his best friend.

"Steve, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We agreed to keep it between us until... "

"Until she decided she'd had enough."

"Yeah."

A pregnant pause and flat face followed, and flat face followed, and Bucky's now realizing how much he's fucked up. Not in the first place, per se, but by bringing Sophia here.

"So can you tell me why you've dragged that poor girl here?" Steve breaks the silence first.

"I-I... I met her at a bar a couple nights ago. Needed to get out, have a drink. She came up to me and asked me for my number, and... yeah."

What Bucky didn't explain is that as soon as she started talking to him, she had immediately realized he was painfully in love with someone else. She had been kind, understanding of his situation. Instead of trying to get in bed with him, she sat down with him while he explained to her how he got himself in this mess.

"You know... I can help you..." Sophia tells him with innocent eyes.

"Really? How?" Bucky's tone was incredulous, like the mere idea of doing something about this whole thing was possible.

"Well, she seems to care about you a lot. But maybe you just need to get a... reaction out of her. She's unbothered now, she says she 'moved on.' Show her she hasn't." She explains.

"But...how?"

And thus... this situation was born.

"So... Sophia has absolutely no interest in you, and you brought her here to make Y/N jealous?" Steve looks at his friend like he has three heads, and Bucky now realizes just how dumb this all looks.

"Well... yeah. This was a bad idea, wasn't it? I should just go take Sophia home-"

"No! You already got this far, and if you do that it might give Y/N the wrong idea. Just- just go with it for the rest of the night and see what happens." Steve says. "Now, let's get the snacks."

Bucky helps him, and they head back into the movie room. He notices your tense form against Natasha. Sophia's making conversation with Sam, and if you were in a cartoon, you're sure there would be steam coming out of your ears.

The movie goes by in a blur, and even though your eyes were glued to the screen, you feel like you didn't even watch the movie. You were too busy being hyperaware of the way Sophia held onto Bucky's arm like if was her lifeline, and quite frankly, you wanted to punch the living daylights out of the both of them.

Once the movie's finished and the lights turn on, you waste no time in heading to your room after a quick goodnight to everyone.

You're getting ready for bed with slams of closet doors and dresser drawers, absolutely enraged with everything. Why was this bothering you so much? But more importantly, how was Bucky so quick to move on? Like you were nothing to him? Like you were the dirt under his shoe?

And although you were too proud to say it, it stung like a motherfucker.

Before you could get ahead of yourself, a knock is coming from your door.

You're sure it's Natasha trying to make sure you're alright, but after months of acting unaffected, all you wanted to do was get under your covers and cry.

"Nat, I'm sorry but I'm really not in the mood-" But when you swung the door open, it was none other than your ex-boyfriend."What the hell are you doing here?"

Your tone was venomous, and all Bucky could see was the tiredness and rage behind your irises.

"I- Can I talk to you?" His voice is timid, like he's afraid to even ask for your time.

"About what? Don't you have someone to tend to?" You wonder out loud, and you can't help the way your heart twists at the thought of Bucky and Sophia. The way he had no problem holding her, touching her, loving her.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Y/N."

It even hurt to think that.

"What do you want, Barnes?" You query in an indifferent tone.

"I-I waned to talk to you, alone." He responds, and his palms are sliding down his thighs to wipe off the sweat.

"Don't you have to take your date home?"

He was quiet for a moment, trying to gauge how to handle you right now. One wrong word or move, and he was out.

"Y/N, can I please just talk to you? One night we're sleeping in each others' beds, and the next we're strangers? How- how does that even make sense?" He's trying to make sense of the past few weeks and the events that led up to the demise of your relationship.

He knows, but he doesn't want to say it out loud.

"Well, I wonder who's fault that was?" You ask snarkily.

Apparently, you weren't afraid to say it.

"You were the one that did this. I get it. This was new for you, but at some point, enough was enough! I- I was basically dirt under your shoe, James! I- I couldn't fucking take it anymore! I just- you were so easy with Steve and Natasha. And then you would shake me off like I was some pest, some bug." You choked on your words, tears pricking behind your eyes. You turned away before Bucky could see them, not wanting to let him see you like this.

You've put on a tough front, because you didn't want anyone to think that you'd get so hung up over some boy, but it was hard to do so when you were giving your all into a relationship while you got the bare minimum back.

Bucky watches you from your doorway, and as you turn away, he takes this as a sign to come in and shut the door behind him.

"Y/N, please, let me talk. I-I just need to talk. To get it all out. I'm begging you, please." And beg he did. He was on the floor, quite literally on his knees. You couldn't even comprehend how not even an hour ago, he brought a new girl in.

And now he was on his knees before you. Begging.

"Get up."

Your voice cracked, but it was still strong. You weren't in the mood to have a man beg at your feet, and you felt it was quite pathetic that he was on his knees right now when he's the reason you two had ended up like this.

Whatever this was.

"O-Okay. Does that mean I can talk?" He asks tentatively, rising to his feet slowly.

"You have five minutes."

He was quiet at first, and you wondered if he even had anything to say. If he was just here to waste your time, to cause even more heartache-

"I- Can I just start off by saying, in the almost three months we were together, I never, ever, wanted to make you feel anything less than what you really are. You're kind, caring, beautiful, the smartest person I've ever met. But above all those things, you were patient with me. And that was never something I had before with someone else. No one was as patient and as attentive as you were, and I need you to know." He pauses, catching his breath from his rambling.

"Know what?" Your tone was venomous, trying to hold back the tears prickling behind your eyes.

"That I have dreamt of a girl like you for decades. You are everything-" he chokes on his words, eyes glossing over, "everything I've ever wanted, and more. And I can't tell you how sorry I am for the way I treated you. How I made you feel, and how I felt the need to hide us. I should've just been honest with everyone from the start, and it cost me everything in the end. So I'll spend the rest of my days making it up to you, in any way possible. Because you deserve it. You deserve so much better than someone who- who doesn't know how to love. How to hold your hand and not want to cry because he feels like he doesn't deserve it. You deserve the entire universe, Y/N."

Bucky finishes speaking, looking so deeply into your eyes that you can't help but let the facade crack.

Tears are leaking out of the corners of your eyes. You sniffle, trying to take a deep breath.

"Wh-what about... Sophia?" You struggle to ask through your emotions, trying to hold yourself back from flinging yourself into his arms.

"I- She's... not relevant. I met her at a bar the day we... ended things, and she said 'it was clear I was going through a heartbreak,' and that she wanted to help me get you back." Bucky laughs a bit at the whole situation now, and how fucking badly he had fucked up.

"But if you don't want to get back together, I understand. Just know, I still feel the same. But if you give me another chance, I promise you it'll be different. I promise to spend all my time making it up to you, and I don't want to hide anything about us. To anyone." He affirms, moving to hold your hands in his.

And surprisingly, you didn't pull away.

No matter how much your brain was screaming, yelling to pull away!

But you couldn't. You wanted to believe every word that came out of his mouth, and you didn't care if anyone thought you were being naive or stupid. You just wanted to hold him again, to call him James again, and to have him whisper sweet nothings in your ears.

And as all these thoughts were running through your head, you see Bucky slowly backing away, assuming your silence meant you were telling him to leave.

"I-Wait. Wait. We have a- a lot to talk about, but I'm not giving up on us yet. But I want a full explanation, top to bottom about everything. And- you have to promise me things will be different between us. We can't have things like they were before, and-"

And before you could continue your rambles, you were stopped by the feeling of his lips on yours.

You could feel his rough ones moulding against your soft, cherry-flavoured ones from your lip balm. His eyes were closed, and so were yours. Any thoughts you had were thrown out the window, and all you could focus on right now was him.

He was invading all your senses in the best way possible. In this moment, you realized he was being completely honest and truthful in what he'd said earlier. Of course, you wouldn't let him forget about all this so easily, but right now, all that mattered were his hands running all over your waist and neck.

"J-James," you breathed out, disconnecting from him.

His eyes search yours, wondering if this is where you give him the boot, and tell him to leave it at this.

But oh, was he wrong.

"Lock the door for me?"

His mouth is akin to that of a fish out of water, wondering to himself if his brain was conjuring this image in his head after weeks of not having you.

"A-Are you sure? If you don't want to we don't have to-" And now he's the one getting cut off with your lips.

It had been enough suffering for the both of you these past few weeks.

"James, I'm sure. Help a girl out?" You smile coyly, slowly walking backwards until you reach your bed and sit down. Your eyes stay on James' blue ones while he rushes to lock to door.

He's hovering over you, waiting to see if you'll make a move.

"Well, aren't you gonna fuck me?"

At those words, the man above you snaps out of his stupor, and lets out an animalistic growl, lunging at you and making both your bodies fall back onto the fluffy white duvet of your bed.

"Can I take this off of you?" James hands are pinching at the fabric of your t-shirt, and you fervently nod in response.

"Words, honey." He coaxes and receives a meek but clear 'yes' from you.

He wastes no time slipping it off your form, only breaking apart from you for air to do so.

Soon enough, your panting forms were both almost bare, left down to just underwear. James slowly moves to settle himself between your thighs, but your hand catches onto his wrist before he could move any further.

"You don't have to, James. I want you inside me already." Although you usually never complained about getting head, you were aching to feel him inside you.

"C'mon angel, I've missed how your sweet lil' pussy tastes." The words coming out of his mouth combined with the feeling of the small pecks he's placing against your inner thighs have you practically shaking.

Along with his scruff giving the sensitive skin a delicious burn, you couldn't bring yourself to say no to James.

He guides your soaked panties down your legs, placing your calves against his shoulders to hold them open.

"Mmm, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to have my mouth between these legs again, sugar. Missed ya so much." He mumbles to you, licking a broad stripe up your core.

A gasp leaves your mouth, and you scramble to find something to grab onto.

With one hand in his brunet locks, Bucky continues his ministrations. He alternates between using his tongue and sucking on your sensitive button, building up your climax.

James listens to your small gasps and whimpers, paying attention to what brought you the most pleasure.

"Oh!" You let out a whimper at the feeling of Bucky's fingers hitting your sweet spot inside you.

Before you knew it, the throbbing in your heat was spreading all through your body, causing your first earth-shattering orgasm of the night.

You're chanting James over and over again, like a prayer.

"That's it, sweetheart, give it all t'me." He coaxes you through your high, allowing for you to come down.

Your eyes are bleary and you barely sense James coming back up over you. His fingers are opening your mouth, allowing you to taste them.

"Taste yourself, honey. So sweet, missed havin' you." He leaves pecks on your forehead, nose, and cheek, before circling back to your mouth when he pulls his fingers back out.

When he pulls away again, his nose is brushing against yours. You still feel like you're floating, but you open your eyes slowly to be met with his bright cerulean ones.

"You have a condom?" James' voice is gravelly as he speaks against your lips.

"No, I'm clean and still on the pill. Wanna feel all of you." You whisper while your fingers roam through his locks.

"A-Are you sure?" He asks, trying to ignore the involuntary twitch of his cock at your words.

"I'm sure, James. I've never been more sure of doing anything with anyone." You say, letting your hand move down to his boxers.

Your hand dips into the waistband, grasping him with your palm.

"Wanna feel all of this." You barely speak, but he understands every word you say.

Before you know it, his underwear is off and thrown somewhere across the room.

James sits back, running his cock through your juices for lubrication, eliciting a sigh from the both of you.

"Fuck, I missed you so much, doll." He grits out while he pushes into you slowly. "Can't believe I was so stupid and almost lost ya for good."

"I-I'm right here, baby. You won't ever lose me." You reassure him, letting him fill you to the brim.

"God, can't get enough of this tight pussy, baby." James is thrusting at an even pace now, and you can feel every inch of him inside you.

You release moans of ecstacy and pleasure in his ear as he stays above you, and while you're only half-conscious of what you're doing, you grab his metal arm and bring it to your throat.

His eyes shoot open but his pace never falters, looking at you for silent reassurance.

The white-hot feeling in your core builds at the feeling, not wanting it to stop.

"You sure?"

"Yes, please." All he needed was your whimper to moan at the sight of his hand around your throat.

"H-Holy shit. I- Come with me baby, c'mon." His voice is strained, like it's paining him to speak.

"I'm- I'm coming James. Come with me, baby." You gasp out, feeling the stirring in your belly reach its' peak.

Soon enough, you're both coming undone, breathing into each others' mouths while working through your highs together.

You feel him spurting inside you, painting your walls white. His rocking slowly comes to a stop, allowing him to open his eyes and focus on you. Your thumbs are brushing over his cheekbones, soaking in him just being here, with you.

"C'mon, let me get you cleaned up, angel." James slowly pulls out of you, being careful to not hurt you.

You see the light flicker on in your bathroom and hear the sink running. He returns with a rag and brushes it gently between your legs, feeling you shiver at how sensitive you are.

"Sorry, honey." James' whisper comes from below, and you smile down with soft eyes.

You were completely besotted for this man.

Once the rag is thrown into your laundry hamper, Bucky retrieves his boxers and pulls them on.

For a moment, you feel a flash through your body, your heart seizing at the thought of him leaving now.

"A-Are you leaving?" You barely recognize your own voice, feeling pathetic for feeling so vulnerable.

Bucky just looks at you. He's dumbfounded at you right now. How could you think that after everything, especially after what had just happened, that he would leave you. How he could ever let you go again.

And again, the question is just another painful reminder of how much he's hurt you.

"No, sweetheart. Just wanted to grab a shirt for you to sleep in." He gives you a soft smile, quenching the ache of your heart.

Once he sits you up and slips the large shirt over your frame, he slips back into his spot next to you under the duvet. Your legs immediately tangle with his, head on his shoulder and arm thrown across his torso.

"Never gonna let you go again, honey." He tells you, placing a kiss to the crown of your head.

"Love you, James." You mumble in a half-asleep response into his chest, the words reverberating into his skin.

Bucky hopes you don't feel his heart racing, but replies with the same words that you hear before slipping into a deep slumber. And the last thing you hear before you slip under are the sweetest words to ever be spoken.

"I love you more, Y/N."

[lacunasbalustrade]

Actually, although I haven’t even touched this book yet, it’s played such a huge part in my life. This is bringing up memories…..

[Warning. Traumadumping below.]

When I was thirteen, to the beginning of fourteen, I was intensely obsessed with Zodiacs. I also happened to be on Wattpad. That place had a lot of zodiac stories and because the search filter was so bad (I feel lucky to have ao3 now), I started a recommendation book for wattpad’s zodiac stories. because of Subaru’s recommendation of this book, I named it the Zodiac Train, in homage to the Buddyfight I loved so much. I had an online friend whom also lived Buddyfight, pretty much, and she’s still a lot older than me. Because we were friends, she joined the Train to help me manage the book. For context, I was only allowed one hour of handphone time a day back then, so I was having a lot of trouble keeping the book up, but I also didn’t want to disappoint my readers, who had grown into a really treasured audience of mine despite my unprofessional writing and spontaneous awards that you couldn’t submit your own writing to.

lots of people ended up joining the train.

I was really happy at first, especially since I have no real life friends. Since a toxic friendship in primary school, I’ve been alone of my own choice, uninterested in people who might hurt me in ways I can’t withdraw from, people who I won’t be able to get away from afterward. I’m still like that.

we were talking about doing real life meet ups, and I thought everything was well, but I guess I was a stress factor to them. I kept throwing out ideas for new projects because I was enthusiastic and wanted to discuss fun things with them, and they kept agreeing because they thought they could manage. I won’t say I don’t know, because I do - I was not doing as much as they hoped I would be doing, and I couldn’t do more than what I already was doing, and I told them as much.

soon they started complaining. Not quietly, not take-you-aside complaining. They were complaining about me right to my face, saying that I was lazy, saying that I was forcing a lot of things on them, that I was spoiled and guilt tripping them into doing things, things that they had agreed to but later considered a bad idea. All that was on me.

they apologised afterwards.

I quit Wattpad, I quit the discord account I was using, I left. And I didn’t get back into the online world until about a year later, when I made friends with a Cardfight Vanguard fic writer.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I don’t know why I’m saying this. I loved the time I spent with them before everything got demanding and the pressure flattened me into cardboard. I wish I had said goodbye properly. No one of them has an alive account anymore. I could never hate Buddyfight, but I did hate what happened to that friend of mine in the fandom, how I wasted her time. Up till the end, someone in the Train deleted the book. No one else had the password. No one knew who had done it. It sounds ridiculous, deleting a book headed by a thirteen year old girl to be petty, but it happened.

I’m still, scared that I’m too much. I’m scared to death that I am hurting someone without knowing it, that they feel obligated to follow up. That I’m going full steam ahead and ignoring them picking up on the places I’ve slacked. I am afraid that I will break a place that I loved again. And I’m afraid that people will hurt me with the things I’ve made again. I don’t think I would have even come here if it hadn’t seemed quiet and solitary and safe.

It’s not quiet, or safe, or solitary anymore, but it’s better than that because how do I say that I have come full circle, back to this book? Back to the milky railroad, and this time with a friend who treasures me more than I could ever know? Back to the places I truly loved rather than a place that made me die on the inside?

i'm only like 1/4 through kenji miyazawa's "night on the galactic railroad" but i can already tell why subaru likes it and recommended it to mel [x]

[thedoubteriswise]

okay so. I am a smart adult with many important responsibilities. I have good taste and care about things that matter. for this reason, I’ve been trying to identify where in cql canon wangxian manage to fuck.

because they definitely do; I like a good post-canon getting together fic as much as the next guy, but it’s just not realistic.

allow them. it’s already been so long.

(just like this goddamn post turned out to be, let’s do a cut)

right. so initially it looks like you could place this right after the time skip in episode 33, because it shows us that wwx is with lwj in cloud recesses. we know that he spent the night in the jingshi because he wakes up there the next morning before he goes for a nostalgic tour of his old school.

and also visits the cold spring, where lwj is mostly naked. nice.

but wait! wwx is surprised by the scars on his back and chest. that seems like something he would have known about if they’d already been naked together the night before, so I’m going to say they did not fuck immediately upon wwx’s return to cloud recesses. okay, fine, they’re taking things slow, that’s cool.

maybe they could work it into the next night, then. oh wait, lqr is injured and... staying in the jingshi? for reasons?

I don’t know why. he must have his own house in cloud recesses, and it’s probably at least as comfortable as lwj’s, but here he is. he lives to stop his nephew from getting laid, I guess.

the next day they do some Q&A with the kids and determine that they need to head to qinghe to figure out what’s going on with this sword thing. great! we love a romantic road trip, plenty of alone time. but they also have to do their jobs, and then jin ling needs to get rescued from a wall of dirt, and jc is unfortunately there being himself, and then they have to grill nhs about his tomb full of angry sabers, etc. etc.

with all that going on, their next obvious chance is at the inn immediately after interviewing nhs. this evening has already included:

wwx gazing lovingly at lwj from afar

lwj carrying wwx on his back

lwj pawing at wwx’s robes trying to deal with his cursed leg

lwj helping wwx up the stairs, serving him wine, fixing his flute, and generally being at his beck and call

a very sexy and homoerotic duet

and now they’re alone and drooling over each other as usual. this seems like a plausible spot, right?

it does! but no. after they go back to the nie basement o’ swords and hear the backstory on nmj’s death, we see them walking in yueyang and lwj asks wwx how the curse mark on his leg is doing. wwx says it’s almost healed, which may or may not be a lie, but his inner monologue says:

he’s more concerned about the wound on his arm from the sacrificing curse, which lwj doesn’t know about, because wwx won’t tell him and they still haven’t been naked together.

also, this silly teenage shit doesn’t make much sense unless they’re still dancing around each other.

you guys love the sound of opportunities as they go flying past, don’t you?

right after this, lwj gets drunk. I’m aware that Stuff Happens in the novel scene that inspired this bit, and they do incorporate some of that into the show by having lwj commit petty larceny and admit that he “likes rabbits” as part of the softest and most loving conversation in human history oh my god

but lwj goes to sleep right on time, and the next morning, wwx is laughing and reassuring him that nothing happened.

after this, it’s time to go on a fucked up field trip with the kids in yi city, so they don’t really have any time alone for a few episodes until they’ve finished that and everyone is back at yet another inn. I wonder if they learned something about wasted chances and poor communication from this miserable songxiao story?

maybe! look, they’re being cute and domestic. there are currently no material barriers preventing them from having sex, nor will there be any specific evidence later on proving that they didn’t.

but they’re still firmly in mystery-solving mode and the juniors and lxc are floating around. the vibe isn’t quite there. if I were to pick the most solid reason why I think they’re saving room for jesus at this point, it would be the tension that happens when wwx again asks how lwj recognized him. lwj asks why his memory is so bad, and wwx replies that he wishes he had a bad memory. even though they’re comfortable and happy being together, there’s still some fundamental distance remaining. there’s no sense of romantic resolution. that was actually a point against all their previous opportunities as well; they’re all very sweet, but none of these feel like the place in a story where the romantic leads Officially Get Together.

okay, off to koi tower! shit is getting extremely real. everyone’s busy insinuating that they recognize wwx, but no one is saying it explicitly. wwx isn’t supposed to be here. the guy he’s pretending to be also isn’t supposed to be here. he and his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s brother are trying to figure out if his boyfriend’s brother’s boyfriend is a murderer. no one is comfortable and the political intrigue leaves no time for fucking in front of anyone’s salad.

I guess there’s plenty of time to make dozens of armed guards and like half the people they know wait while they have a romantic moment, though.

could they be more in love? And that sure feels like a romantic resolution that might be followed by narratively-earned sex.

ah. no, unfortunately wwx gets stabbed again. this certainly sucks, but it does have the helpful consequence of making lwj take him back to cloud recesses, where they are mostly alone and as safe as they can be in the circumstances. now there’s even more tenderness and also some plot-justified touching and skin exposure. plus, lwj just made a very public declaration of love.

too bad wwx has probably been unconscious since he started coughing up blood in the forest near lanling. he’s also still visibly in pain. fresh abdominal wounds tend to kill the mood.

but hey, the injuries on this show are only as serious as they need to be to move the plot forward and facilitate gentle h/c scenes, so by evening he’s looking perfectly healthy and walking around under his own steam like nothing’s wrong. I guess that problem can be ignored moving forward.

lxc then offers the the most devastating highlights of lwj’s backstory, like, all at once. it’s nice that he includes a flute solo to give wwx a second to process this mountain of terrible information. what the fuck.

there he is! the most devoted man in the whole world! turns out they can actually be more in love after all.

and then the following scene... look, I’m lazy and I don’t know how to make gifs, but screenshots cannot properly convey how good it is. you all know. the hesitant way wwx approaches, the slow and gentle piano version of wangxian, the two of them watching the snow together, it’s. ugh.

remember how I was talking about how the last scene with no material barriers was an unlikely candidate because of the lack of romantic resolution?

well, here’s wwx still being cagey at the beginning of this conversation.

and here they are in the middle of this conversation, having some epiphanies about the course of wwx’s life - I love this shot for a lot of reasons, but I extra love it because it shows wwx out in the snow, with lwj as the safety and warmth waiting behind him, god this show goes hard, holy shit

they both recall their vow to live with a clean conscience and internally say some very corny things about each other because they are both So Much, and then,

ah, what the hell. he can say it out loud after all. romantic resolution accomplished.

and then the camera slowly pulls away as wuji plays.

a slow zoom out? swelling music? listen, I am a connoisseur, I know a tasteful fade-to-black indicating a sex scene that won’t happen on camera when I see one. at last, we have a winner!

now you may think this post is finally over, but I actually have one more piece of evidence for you - the next scene shows the two of them the morning after, meditating behind a screen in the hanshi while lxc is waiting for jgy to show up.

before wwx got de-cored, he was a pretty powerful cultivator, right? the chances that he’s just bad at meditating or that he can’t stay focused on this task seem slim to me. so why does he keep falling asleep?

well. he had kind of a late night.