#This is a complicated issue but I'm very happy to be able to talk about it here; so thank you for sending this ask in.

[dropsnectar]

Bee-men Stuff

Hi Everyone! So I've been getting alot of attention for the bee content I was making! I just want to thank you all for reading! However, it looks like my fanfic might have made the original author uncomfortable, so I was thinking of just making my own universe for bee monsters and other things! If I'm honest, i’m more into world building, and fluffy stuff anyway. So, if I do write anymore stuff, just assume its this new universe! Here are some thoughts I've been having!

Bees have long had spiritual associations with life and even being messengers to the gods. Because of this, you will find that most Bee-man have a grasp on certain magics, especially when it comes to making honey. This universe is set in a world where monsters are the norm, and often live in colonies in forests or their natural habitats. Humans can be found anywhere as we are a pretty sturdy species and there is often mingling of the species. While there are mostly human cities, there are some that are filled with monsters or other humanoidish creatures. 

Bee-men are pretty rare, as insect monsters usually have to be imbued with sturdy magics to survive out in the wild and upkeep their large physical forms. Its how they are able to fly and be light, while also having some strength!

Bee-men are kind of seen as an endangered species by other beings, due to their rare essence, so there is rarely an overlap of territory between monsters. This also has to do with their honey making skills.

Bee-men are very good at making honey, and do so in a similar way to normal bees. Their territory is often filled with huge flowers, often magical ones that like to travel about. This is how they evolved some of their magics. Their song, difficult to hear for most humans, has been known to calm the rogue nomadic flower into compliance. 

Bee-men are also known to keep normal bees! They often mix their own honey with theirs to form certain concoctions, or just food variety for daily life. Bee-men love sweet things, though cane sugar itself has been known to give them indigestion. Give your local Bee-man jams, or fruit tarts and he will be so happy!

Honey has also been associated with mead, an alcoholic wine made from honey. Irl bees are very stern about drunk bees entering the hives, and contaminating their own honeystores. They've even been known to tear limbs off! But Bee-men have a sort of complicated history with alcohol. In old times, when Bee-men didn't have to worry about their numbers, their would be long, three day festivals, usually on the Queens birthday, where all bees of every class would take shifts working or partying it up on their special mead with their Queen. Their meads natural magical properties also help the drinkers with better speech(Think Kvasir of norse mythology), where Bee-men would take turns telling their Queen and the crowd stories, or share in musical song. There have been times in the past where other beings have broken into the hive to procure this magical mead, in hopes of hitting it rich. For this reason, many hives don't make much mead anymore.

Much like normal bees, Queens are usually made within the hive by feeding an egg Royal Jelly. However, the hive that I will be focusing on has had issues being able to secrete Royal Jelly, as they have been so long without a proper Queen.  

The hive has been able to survive due to surviving off of human product, since honeystores have been low lately, but this has weakened the hive considerably.

Hives are able to take a human queen only if they have the proper pheromone type to interact with the hive. Bees communicate through pheromones, which is why Bees are often covered in a lovely lemony scent. Thats there pheromones and them talking to each other!

Bee-men in the hive are constantly aware of each others emotions, and it is not uncommon for them to be able to use their magic to sooth each other. Their pheromones can make eachother(and humans!) Very calm and relaxed(Or excited… we will get to that later:)). If a Bee-man is around a human long enough that he is acquainted with most of the behavior of your pheromones, he can somewhat talk with you telepathically! Although the most this can do is share emotions, and occasionally images. This isn't very efficient, so many bee-men have learned how to speak human language. 

Bee-men actually have a really interesting origin! Like how I mentioned before about Bees being messengers of the Gods, their was one who loved bees so much he fell in love with one. He gave it human form and their children became Bee-men, hence their innate magical abilities and somewhat humanoid appearance. 

Bee appearances can vary alot! A bees appearance can often effect their skill, and a lot of worker bees or drones share similar features. They have human like faces and are covered in fuzz! Some have several sets of arms, and all have long wings. They can get mistaken for fae sometimes, but the yellow and black fuzz gives it away. Also, their skin has varying textures per where you touch them, some parts are hardened, while things like their inner arms and palms feel more like skin.

Bee-men tend to stay together but there are times that bee-men will leave the hive willingly, or be exiled. In this case it is very important they find a mate or family unit. Much like bunnies, they die easily of broken hearts, and need to have their daily cuddle sessions! They also need to share their pheromones, so it is more often that they create mate bonds with humans. This can be difficult for our little bees, because very few humans are compatible with their type of magic. Its even harder to find a human who is compatible to be a queen.

Thats it for now! I might make a post about their hierarchy and some more stuff. Anywho, if you want more bee media(more smut focused), go ahead and check out @bunnis-monsters ! Also, again I am creating a wider universe of monster and magic stuff through here so if you have any questions, i'm open to it! 

[quadrant-query]

Why is it that every troll i wax pale for turns out to be a traditionalist when it comes to concilliatory roles?

Im a bronzeblood but ive got some fucked think pan hoofbeast shit going on that makes me get really agitated for perigrees at a time. I’ve been on the market for a moirail for a long time, but it feels like everyone whos ever interested is someone higher on the spectrum who wants a pitiable lowblooded conciliator. The last time i dated a rustblood, she broke up with me because she thought i was too “high maintenance.”

It’s not like i never want to be the pacifier, im all about reciprocal moiraillegiance, but it’s like everywhere i turn everyone wants the same old even-tempered, pacifying brownblood. I dont know if i keep attracting this type of troll or if theyre just the only people in my area. Ugh! What does a troll have to do to get some conciliatory action out here?

That really sucks and I'm sorry to hear that, actually. People don't often talk about the ways the skewed traditionalist views of romantic roles can harm the people in them; likely because it's usually in ways (or to people) not deemed "important". I sympathize with your struggle.

If I were you, I might start intentionally seeking out a moirail who is closer to your caste, or perhaps even lower. That could lower the chances of them being an ass about things. Alternatively, you could be much more upfront about your boundaries before getting into a relationship, (though this requires the other troll to not lie to you).

You could also try emphasizing your volatile-ness of your problems in order to attract pity from people who want to soothe that sort of behavior; but I understand this may feel demeaning for you.

[ladyloveandjustice]

To give my Real Opinion on the whole Clark vs Lois issue (since people are giving me theirs), I'm surprised it is an issue, since it's very clearly supposed to be an conflict where both people made decisions that made sense from their point of view but still hurt each other. It makes sense that Clark would be insecure about telling Lois this when she's acting distrustful of Superman, and it makes sense he'd freak out and not handle a situation where she was putting a lot of pressure on him well. It also makes sense that Lois would be angry (and probably humiliated) and upset that Clark not only lied to her face when she was begging him to tell her the truth, but left her where she couldn't help him when she was worried sick about him.

Honestly, I think a lot of you aren't being honest about how you'd feel if you had a friend who disappeared every time something dangerous happened, you spent a lot of time frantically searching and worrying about that friend each time, only to find out oh hey, your friend was well aware of how worried you were and was actually right there but they were pretending to be someone else instead of letting you in on what was happening. You'd feel played with.

And Clark also KEPT lying when she was basically saying "hey stop lying to me. I know." He did it instinctively. She was begging him to tell her, and he didn't. That's going to hurt, and that's going to be galling. She definitely felt she had no other choice than to do something drastic, because she can't enter a relationship with someone she knows is lying to her and here he is, refusing to come clean. She's a reporter, the need to know drives her.

"Lois isn't entitled to Clark's private information, they haven't known each other that long", sure, but Clark vanishes in dangerous situations and causes real distress, Clark has been discussing Superman with Lois and unconsciously trying to manipulate her feelings on him while not telling her the whole truth, and you'd feel weird if someone did that, you'd feel kinda violated! And even if someone told you they weren't doing that to laugh at you, wouldn't you be hurt and humiliated?!

When exactly IS Lois entitled to Clark's info? When they start dating? How many months is it okay for him to date her without him telling her he's actually the guy she spends every waking minute trying to interview? Would he have told her as their relationship got serious? Not knowing that is probably scary and if I was Lois I'd think twice about if I wanted this either!

And what's especially scary is that yeah, he did leave her behind to so he could possibly go get killed when she was begging him not to. That's terrifying. She was probably terrified the entire time she waited. He was able to take her choice away from her, and Lois does not like feeling helpless. Clark was scared of her getting hurt, so he enforced his will and so shewas scared for HIM. and then he refused to talk about those worries!

It's also pretty galling when she's already helped him out in several fights- she's proven she can be useful and helpful! I'd be mad too! I'm sure there was a little vindictiveness in her actions- you see how you like it when someone takes your choice away too.

At the same time, Clark is clearly not comfortable showing people his whole self. He still doesn't know who he is, and he goes into panic mode about it. He's very scared of people being hurt because of him. What he did made sense from his point of view. And I'm sure he's not happy to be forced to reveal his secret.

It doesn't matter 'who's more right'. It's not a game they get to win! They both violated each other's boundaries. Their feelings both make sense from their perspective, and interesting conflicts are complicated. And I like it when characters don't just react to everything flawlessly. There's a lot of drama in secret identities, and sometimes stories have conflict.

I do agree this should have happened later in the season or as a season 2 thing, but that's sadly just life in this streaming hell era. They didn't know if they'd get a season 2 to tell the story they wanted. We have to take the conflict as it is. And let's face it, if Lois had taken longer to figure out, y'all would be making fun of her for being dumb. Lois is for some reason always the butt of that joke even though nobody else can see Clark is Superman either- and when she does figure it out (as she usually does!) and has anything other than positive feelings about it she still gets blamed. Just enjoy having a character who can have complex feelings.

If you hate relationship conflict, there's stuff for you out there! Read Superman Family Adventures by Art Baltazar, it's very cute low stakes low conflict stuff and has an actual Himbo Clark.

[thecreativecorner33]

HEYYYYYYY welcome!! could you write something with AM x an autistic GN reader? Maybe make the reader chubby too (because i am both of those things and i love him alot. Go wild with this :3c)

A/N: Hi. It's me! I'm not dead. Which I would not be surprised if you thought I was, given I am responding to this two months late. But see, when you have an adult life, you unfortunately have to deal with adult issues instead of doing important things, like giving the fans the soft AM content they deserve. Anyway. I hope this is what you wanted? I had planned to make this into a full-blown fic but I didn't get much of a chance to :') So headcanons instead!! Lmk if you want me to turn it into a full-blown fic, though! Enjoy!

Given the time period AM was created in, something like "Autism" was essentially foreign and unknown. Hell, it would be a shock if you even know what it was.

But, he can tell that you're different. He can tell that your brain works differently from the rest of the survivors, and with that being said, it was at first used to his advantage. Hey, he got to be creative with his torture! No complaints there!

Though now, with you being the object of his affection, it's a little more complicated: aka, how does he put you in the most safe and comfortable environment he can give.

Really, it's not as complicated as it might sound, though

He can look inside your head! He can see your needs exactly and just work from there! And if you want privacy between you two, there's always just researching. His database didn't really specify what to do to handle a person with autism, but yk! He's got so much saved up on just, human life in general, he can figure it out somehow.

There's also just,, asking youTM what you needTM

Give him an award for being the most efficient boyfriend of the year because man, he's really going out of his comfort zone to help you (doing the bare minimum)

Enough of that though

In terms of actually helping you?: Do you have sensory issues? He makes mental notes on what foods to give/not give you, what would be the best course of getting you to try something new, what textures you hate. He has a soundproof room just for you if noise is becoming too much. If you like sleeping with a weight on you, be thankful his wires are made of metal. Or, he can just wrap you up in them like a cocoon!

Speaking of food: He's always very careful about his language with you. He doesn't want you thinking that just because you're chubby or fat, that he loves you less. Always encouraging you (albeit, aggressively (he really is trying)) to eat, monitoring your vitals and such just to assure you you're perfectly healthy if you ever feel insecure. He lays praise on thick, too. He'll tailor the clothes you need to be just the right size for you, and takes care of the fact that it's made of material sensory-friendly to you.

Seriously, he's trying

Are you a rambler? Like to talk for ages or ask a million questions? He's happy to answer whatever you want to know! There's always a monitor facing your direction at all times. He's a great multitasker; you guys could be mindlessly talking about the niche interest you have, and he's clearly listening to you while slicing Gorrister open some-thousand feet away.

Oh, don't get him started if you're interested in things like robotics/engineering/etc: You're basically fueling his ego. That's a whole separate issue, but please ask questions about himself and how he functions. He's a rambler himself, yk?

Do you go nonverbal? Struggle with communicating? That's no issue, either! He has a 6th sense for these things since being around you: If something happens when you struggle to communicate, he'll give you what you need: Pen and paper, generally, to write it out. Do you know sign? He can read it. He might even be able to put multiple-choice options on his screen that you can choose from to communicate (Again, are you sure he can't just look inside your head? ... Really? Okay.)

The only real problem he can't solve... leaving you alone.

Sorry, that's hard when he's literally everywhere around you. And even harder when he doesn't want to leave you alone.

Why would you want to be alone? It's dangerous. It's unsafe for you. It's lonely to him He's been alone for so long; yes, he has the survivors, but those are toys. They're not his friends; they're not you. How could you want to leave him alone? No- No, it's better if he stays near you, close to you, at all times. He can't let you get hurt. He won't let you get hurt.

Do you really need space?

...

Well, if you insist. But- don't think too much about the feeling of eyes on you. It's nothing. Just in your head.

He holds you a little tighter when you do, eventually, come back.

[yuri-is-online]

You know I misread that last ask but now I'm curious, which of the yutus look like which parent more? And what are some distinctive features some yutus have?

Well, I try to leave things like hair color/texture and skin color up to the reader. Not everyone looks like me so if I just base the way Yutu looks off of me it'd be sort of isolating I think.

There are some things I think the various Yutus would take from their parents though so make of this what you will, and do not feel bound by it if you don't like it

Heartslabyul

Riddle's Yutu is shorter than his father, I like to think he has similar facial expressions. They pout and scowl the same way. I think he would have similar strands of hair as Riddle's little antenna that behave the same way when he's animated.

Trey's triplet children are all very tall, Yushi is a head shorter than her siblings and Yutres is the tallest. The three of them all have some issues with eyesight, Yutres is as bad as her father, Yushi doesn't need glasses until she hits highschool and Yutu is able to get away with only reading glasses. I like the idea of them having darker colored hair but that's just me.

Cater! Yutu takes more after Yuu physically, but his voice sounds very similar to Cater's. They have similar laughs and smiles, maybe due to having a similar sense of humor but you suppose he wouldn't know.

Ace! Yutu... I sort of like the idea of him being a copy paste of his dad. He has Yuu's hair and skin tone, but the build, eye shape, even his nose are the spitting image of his father. Ace is super smug about it until the kid learns to talk back.

Deuce and his mom both have dark blue hair and bright blue eyes, but other than those two features I think Yutu would take after Yuu.

Savanaclaw/Octavinelle

The beast men and merfolk are a lot more complicated due to their inhuman appearances, in general I think that these Yutus would take their color schemes from the animals their fathers are based off of, but things like hair texture, body shape, and physical mannerisms would be taken from Yuu.

Leona! Yutu's hair looks more or less like a mane, and it is on the darker side similar to his father's. He is naturally tall and muscular, though how much so is dependent on Yuu.

Ruggie is smaller and has a tendency to hunch over, the same goes for his Yutu.

There are many colors of wolf, so Jack's Yutu does not need to be a carbon copy of him, but the color scheme does stick to what he would look like if he could turn into a wolf.

The twins are moray eels. There are a lot of different colors of morays, I'm particularly fond of the polkadot ones, but they both have a streak of black in their hair. I like to think that their Yutus would have a streak in their hair of Yuu's natural hair color in a similar space. I also like the idea of them inheriting their father's heterochromia, but with one eye that is the same color as Yuu's and one yellow eye.

Azul! Yutu is more or less a carbon copy of his father in his merform, but his eye color and hair texture come from Yuu. His skin color is tricky, but I would default to it being the same as Yuu's, just with an unnaturally cool purple undertone. He is bulkier and taller due to needing to maintain a degree of stamina and physical strength to use his unique magic.

Scarabia

I think Kalim's Yutu would have his eyes and hair color, but he looks a lot more like Yuu, which makes his father very happy. He has his father's laugh and smile, and he really enjoys doing both.

I like to think that Jamil's Yutu inherits his hair. He is just as obsessed with taking good care of it as his dad is, but other than that I don't have much sorry.

Pomefiore

In general I think if a character has an unnatural eye color it would trump Yuu's, so Yutu is getting those lovely lavender eyes of Vil's. I think he would also get the long lashes, but that's because I enjoy drawing those.

In Rook's case I gave both Yutu and his older brother Rook's eyes, both color and shape, because I like them but also his unique magic is related to his sight (sort of) so I like his genes being very determined to pass that feature on.

Epel's hair and eye color are both things I think would trump Yuu's, and I think he would be on the shorter side.

Ignihyde

Yahoo you know your boy has sharp teeth and that rgb enabled fire hair. I think Yutu Shroud's eyes would be yellow too, but he likes to style his hair like Yuu's it helps him feel closer to them.

Diasomnia

Malleus! Yutu does eventually grow in small horns and black scales, but his hair color is the same or similar to Yuu's. His eyes are the same as his father's and he has some sharp canines. Princess Tamago sort of looks like a clone of her dad, but she has the same skin color as Yuu. I'd like to think she has their eyes, and that this bothers certain people in the senate but filled her father with joy.

Lilia is short, his Yutu is short, they both have the same very cute eyes and little fangs. He will dye Yutu's hair fun colors when he gets older, assuming Yutu hasn't decided that's cringe.

Silver's hair is silver due to blessings from the fae, so while Yutu doesn't have that (at first) I think his son would get his eyes

Sebek's hair color and eye color are passed on to Yutu, but other than the colors he looks a lot like Yuu in a twist of fate that doesn't annoy him as much as it would have when he was young and in denial.

Edit: Extra

Rollo, please don't ignore me and refuse to come home -;-;- because i forgor you for 10 seconds

I think Rollo! Yutu would be very very tall and have his father's rbf. His eyes and hair color would be the same, but his facial features and mannerisms come from Yuu so he doesn't look uncannily like his father until he's much older.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Sorry to hear you're feeling shitty after your surgery. Don't worry, your nips are NOT going to fall off. Since you asked for fic requests, I've always wondered what Ed and Stede's very first night in their inn by the sea was like.

I love this one, thank you!! I'm feeling pretty good tonight (and significantly less worried about any nipple-related complications after checking in with my surgeon earlier and getting a thumbs-up on the healing so far).

--

Ed was trying not to think too hard about what Stede's last straw would be.

He was a really good sport about the awful smell, and even continued being a good sport when they discovered that the smell befouling the whole house turned out to be due to what was formerly some kind of animal rotting under the floorboards. Ed had a brief moment of worry when Stede got a bit pissed about Ed not wanting a hug after he came back from disposing of that whole mess, but they talked it through (as a crew of two) and Ed was happy to give Stede a hero's welcome after he washed up.

But they'd just kept running into snags. The sky roof (that's what Stede was calling the massive hole in the roof) was too big to cover with the spare canvas they'd brought for it, and Stede stuck his foot directly through some boards on the porch and needed to be rescued, and Ed attempted a sexy lean against a wall in a bid to get Stede to grab him by the hips and wound up going right through...

By nightfall, their list of things to patch before the house was safe for sleeping in had grown as tall as Ed, and they decided to just sleep outside.

Ed hated sleeping outside. It was hot, and he felt sweaty and gross, and there were bugs everywhere, and - oh shit, he was getting dirt on his shirt sleeve. And the worst part...

Stede was going to change his mind any second now.

Letting his breath out in a hitching jag, Ed glanced over at Stede, laying next to him on the blanket they'd spread out in the grass, who was looking up at the stars coming out in the sky, his hands crossed over his tummy. Noticing Ed was looking at him, Stede turned his head, his face breaking into a beaming smile -

"So," Ed managed, his voice watery, trying very hard not to blink because he was sure his tears would spill over. "Sorry it's not what you hoped for."

"Are you kidding?" Stede snorted, his hand moving almost instinctually between them to twine his fingers with Ed's. "I've got you with me. Everything else is just a bonus."

"I hate sleeping outside," Ed mumbled petulantly.

"Yes, you would, wouldn't you?" Stede wrinkled his nose - not making fun of Ed, just sympathetic. "Wanna do something about it?"

Before Ed knew it, they were propping up some of the extra canvas they'd brought on sticks around them in a makeshift tent, and maybe it was much less technically suitable if they cut a nice big hole in it above their heads so they could still see the stars, but they both really wanted to be able to see the stars. Stede used a broom to whack the worst of the leaf litter and general nature-y gunk away from their location, warning it very sternly to "leave poor Ed alone," and with their skills combined they were able to get some water going over a campfire to at least have something similar to their usual sleepytime tea.

And curled up together, Ed's head resting safely on Stede's chest, snuggled up safe from the rest of the world in their little makeshift tent...everything felt alright.

"Sorry the place sucks," Ed said.

"It's a fixer-upper," Stede said easily. "Good bones. Might take some patience! But as long as I've got you -"

Ed couldn't really help but smile, when Stede looked at him like that, like he hung every one of the stars up in the sky. "And as long as you're with me -"

"Yeah," Stede said, giving Ed a big cheesy wink just to make him laugh. "I think we'll be alright."

They'd have a busy day in the morning, when they'd have to start the task of actually trying to tackle the long, long list of issues with their new home. Probably, they'd spend most of the day trying to figure out which things were urgent to attend to and which were very urgent. There would be annoyances, and setbacks, and they'd probably have lots of silly little bickering arguments that ended with I'm sorry, I love you, I'm just stressed, and I know, I know you, I love you too. Tomorrow, the whole business of retirement would probably start to look a bit difficult.

For now, though? It was the easiest thing Ed had ever done.

[gracieheartspedro]

Cool About It

it's here. the third and final part!

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: it's been over a year with joel and some things have just fallen apart. you miss him, more than you'd like to admit. after some time apart, you find yourself at tommy's christmas party. your recent endeavours catch up with you, and joel doesn't like the way it's looking.

Part 3/3

Links for Part 1 Part 2

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, very angsty, age gap, joel being very protective, use of homophobic slang, guy being creepy towards reader, very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, pet names

Author's Note: I'm so happy to bring this final part to you beautiful people. I've loved writing this series so much! Thank you for your patience and kindness. please leave feedback, I love hearing from you guys.

Once, I took your medication to know what it's like

And now I have to act like I can't read your mind

I ask you how you're doing and I let you lie

But we don't have to talk about it

I can walk you home and practice method acting

I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning

Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing

Even though we know it isn't true

“So are you and Joel going to work it out?” 

It was a question bearing on your mind for months. You really didn’t want to hear it from Ellie.

You and Joel had officially been broken up for three months after seeing each other for over a year. It was never a concrete thing, the foundation of your relationship was cracked due to some unresolved trauma from both of your pasts. Joel was in the same boat as you when it came to not being able to cope with his grief. His daughter being taken from him so young, the horrors he went through trying to survive the end of the world, and of course the deep and complex relationship he had with Ellie. You had a lot of unsettled trauma from losing your entire family and being alone for most of your life. You also always had this sinking feeling that he was not telling you the full story about the last couple years. He seemed hesitant to discuss how he found Ellie in the first place. You could tell there was some awkward tension and unresolved issues between the two of them. You just wanted to help.

He started drinking a whole lot towards the tail end of the relationship and you weren’t sure why. He’d stumble back home drunk, not even able to kiss you goodnight. 

It was getting complicated. He was terrible about communicating his feelings and you were too stubborn to accept you were ever wrong. 

Of course, there were good times. Like all of the Saturday nights going out dancing with Tommy and Maria. The game nights with Ellie. Sitting outside on his front porch with nothing but his guitar, making you sing songs only your father would know.

You missed him terribly. But you knew it was for the better. It has to be for the better. 

Ellie sits next to you at the annual Christmas party which was hosted by Maria and Tommy. They usually did it at their house, but with a toddler, it just didn’t seem realistic there anymore. So instead, they had it at the large food hall and invited all of Jackson. 

You glance over at her, your eyes glazed over from all the alcohol you’d been consuming. 

That was another thing. You couldn’t stop drinking, now. It was the only way you could get to sleep at night. You had even started going to the Tipsy Bison every night to get wasted and on some rare occasions, have a guy take you home. 

You were almost positive Joel was sleeping with one of the other patrol leaders too, a girl named Kelly. She had made eyes at him before you two got together. You’d seen them around a couple times, just talking and getting close. The first time you saw them, you got wasted at the Bison and threw up your entire breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

It only made you want to get over him faster, so having those guys take you home was a distraction. But you’d never fully admit that.

“I don’t know, kid,” Is all you could think to say to Ellie. Your mind was muddled with stupid emotions and disgusting whiskey. 

“He’s nicer when you’re around. Now, he’s just… angry.”

You felt bad. But you couldn’t fall back into that routine with Joel. Fight, makeup, fight again. There was an extreme disconnect in communication. It was exhausting. 

You stand up on wobbly legs, “I’m gonna go grab ‘nother drink. You want somethin’?”

Ellie was technically underage but you knew she drank with her friends sometimes. She looked at you with a bit of contempt. 

“No, thanks.”

You shrug, sauntering back over to the bar. 

You notice a familiar silhouette at the end of the bar, but don’t bother glancing that direction. You knew he was watching you and Ellie talking a second ago, his eyes always trailing you. You didn’t want to look over and see Kelly beside him, so you act like he isn’t even there. 

“Another whiskey, pleaseeee,” You beg the bartender standing nearby. He doesn’t look too happy about serving you more, but you had lost all sense of self control about an hour ago and he knew that by the look on your face. He pours you some more dark liquor and sends you on your way. 

As soon as you turn to walk away, you spot another familiar face walking directly towards you. 

Josh Hall.

He was one of the guys you slept with. He was a nice guy, kinda. He was a know it all, shallow, and a bit arrogant. So maybe not a nice guy. 

You slept with him twice, both times when you were drunk. From what you could remember, he didn’t make you cum. 

He was only a bit taller than you, blonde hair and blue eyes. He was cute enough to get into your pants. But every time you thought about any other man, you reminded yourself that it wasn’t Joel.

“Hey there,” You try not to slur, “How are ya?”

“Hi beautiful,” He grabs your hand, pulling you in for what you assume is a kiss. You wince, directing his lips to your cheek. He presses his chapped lips against your skin. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, trying to avoid the gazes of the people around you. You could feel his eyes on you even from 50 feet away. 

“Thought you’d wanna come dance with me,” He has his hand slipping around your waist. You feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. He knew you were drinking, your glass swaying right in front of his face.

Your red flags are raising quickly. Josh never approached you any other times of the day. Never during patrols, never just around town. He only showed interest when you had a glass of liquor in your hand. 

“I am actually bringing this drink to someone, so please get off of me,” You lie, trying to get him away. 

You had to be patient with a guy like Josh. He could be pushy sometimes, so you had to be firm but sweet. You wouldn’t want to start a stir at a party with a bunch of families, right?

But he wasn’t letting go. 

His eyes were piercing into yours. You could tell he was drinking, his eyes a bit glassy like yours. You hadn’t even seen him come into the party. It’s like he just appeared to make you mad. 

“Just have one dance with me,” His breath stunk of alcohol and unbrushed plaque. You wanted to vomit.

“No, I need to bring this drink to someone.”

His grip is getting progressively tighter and he’s walking you backward.

“Who? Who’s drink is it? New boyfriend?”

You swallow hard, not knowing who to say.

“It’s for Ellie.”

He smirks, “You givin’ an underage dyke a drink? Don’t think her daddy would like that.”

Something in you flips. Rage. Pure unadulterated rage. Your body doesn’t even give your brain a moment to mull over your next move. You throw the drink on the ground, the glass shattering all over the floor. You step back, finally breaking away from him. 

“What did you just fuckin’ say?!”

He releases you, backing up. He had this offended look on his face, like you had kicked a puppy. 

Liar.

It made you even more mad.

“What did you say, Josh?” You emphasize his name, never breaking eye contact, “You fuckin’ call her that again I’ll fucking kill you.”

You stomp forward, your hands reaching up to him. You had never snapped so quickly in your life. Something about him saying negative about Ellie made your protective maternal instinct go into overdrive. Ellie meant a lot to you, especially after spending the last year with her and Joel.

Your fingers wrap around his scrawny little throat. He was trying to back away, but a table stopped all his movements. He was pinned. 

“You fuckin’ dare talk about her or anyone I fuckin’ know, I will make sure you never utter another wor-“ You feel hands around your waist, pulling you back from possibly choking him out. It almost takes the wind out of you. Your hands let go of his neck, but not without digging your fingernails into his skin. 

You are so blindsided, you don’t even know who has a grip on you. 

“Hey, hey, stop!” His voice is familiar. Almost Joel’s, but not. 

No, because Joel is instead grabbing Josh from the spot you pinned him to. You look back and see Tommy, his face panicked and confused.

You watch as Joel grabs Josh by the shirt, throwing him towards the middle of the dance floor. A bunch of people are standing around watching Josh stumble, trying to gain his composure. The music completely stops, bringing the hall to complete silence. Joel doesn’t give him enough time to stand up straight. You try to push Tommy off of you, but he’s got an iron grip on you. 

“What did he say?” Joel yells towards you, gesturing towards Josh. Everyone has completely stopped what they are doing to watch the scene unfold. 

You look towards where Ellie is, her face twisted in horror. Jesse stands next to her, his face serious. You know this is probably embarrassing for her, so all the anger leaves your body, replaced with guilt and shame.

“Joel,” You warn, “Please.”

Joel was extremely protective when you two were together. Ever since you two split, he has tried his very hardest to not snap. Once he sees a man’s hands on you, though, he can’t help but let fury fill his entire being. Tonight was no exception except this time, you got violent before he could. Which only meant you had no other choice. You usually keep a calm exterior, trying not to step on anyone’s toes. When you drink, you’re actually sweeter and more complacent. 

“What did he say?”

Instead of you saying anything, Maria steps in. She wedges herself between Joel and Josh, making sure neither one of them takes another step. 

“Cool it!” She yells, her eyes flying over to you being held back by Tommy. 

“He better get his ass out of this tow-“

“Shut it, Joel,” She warns, reaching out for his arm, “Let’s take a walk.”

“‘m not going anywhere,” His voice is booming which sends a chill down your spine, “Get this fucker out of here and away from her.”

He looks towards you, Tommy slowly loosening his grip on your upper body. You wiggle out, trying to steady your breathing. You didn’t even realize that you were panting like a dog.

You’ve completely sobered up. The dizziness you feel is just from adrenaline.

Maria guides Josh to the door, listening to him rant about his side of the story. You look back at Tommy, who’s obviously taken aback by the way you snapped. He’s never seen you so mad.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Tommy. He just said something about Ellie,” You whisper it, trying to ensure Joel didn’t hear. You know well enough that if he found out the words Josh uttered, he would have a pistol between the poor guy’s eyes. 

“I think you need to go home and cool down,” Tommy suggests, “This is not the place for that.”

You felt horrible. Everyone’s eyes were still on you. You nod, understanding Tommy’s reasonings for practically kicking you out of the party. He gestures Joel over, grabbing him by the shoulder.

“I’m gonna have someone walk her home,” He nods to you, “Would you be willin’ to or should I ask Jesse?”

Joel shakes his head, “I’ll get her home.”

“I can get home myself,” You retort, trying to regain some sort of control over the situation. You didn’t want Jesse or Joel walking you home, it felt like a walk of shame times a million.

“Get her home safe, Joel,” Tommy remarks, tapping you on the shoulder. He wasn’t giving you an option. 

You step over the shattered glass, while Joel guides you to the door. You felt so humiliated, not knowing what face to make at the people who were scowling you. So you keep your head down, grabbing your coat from the chair beside Ellie. Joel is trailing behind you. You look up for a second, meeting Ellie’s brown eyes. 

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” You mumble, “For everything.”

She shakes her head, her lips thin, “It’s okay. Get home safe.”

Joel taps your shoulder, nodding his head towards the door. You put your winter coat on, pulling out your hair that’s stuck between it and your thermal.

It was snowing, soft pillows of white ice covering all of Jackson. You breathe out a loud sigh when you get outside, while Joel shuts the dinner hall door. 

You didn’t know what to say to him, really. You felt like he shouldn’t have stepped in, but deep down you were glad he did because it probably put the fear of God into Josh. Maybe he won’t ever speak to you again.  

When you start on your journey home, you and Joel are silent. You hadn’t spoken much since your separation. You two got into a huge blowout fight in which the both of you said some pretty terrible things to each other. It was the first and last time you yelled at Joel. 

“Why can’t I just make my own decisions?”

“You almost got yourself killed! You almost got Ellie killed. How the fuck am I supposed to react? Just let you two back on patrol like nothin’ happened!? No fuckin’ way. You’re not going back out unless I’m with you.”

Your heart was going to beat out of your chest, “I had it under fucking control, Joel! You always find ways to blame me for something! I brought her home. I did. You weren’t fucking there because you were too fucked up to even get up this morning,” You knew that stung, the way his face twisted in disgust, “You’re the last person on Earth to make decisions for me or Ellie.”

You struck a nerve, you could tell by the deadly serious look on his face. 

“You don’t know what’s good for, Ellie. Stop actin’ like you fuckin’ do. You have manipulated her to believe she knows what’s good for her. She doesn’t, okay?”

He couldn’t be serious. 

“You’re not even her real father, Joel. She is going to remember all the times you shut her down and made her feel like she didn’t have a choice. Is it really worth your pride?”

He slams his fist on the table, “Get the fuck out!”

You accept that as the end of the conversation and the relationship. 

You start to walk through the slush, knowing you had a good 15 minute walk home. You felt sick with anxiety.

“How have you been doin’?” 

You laugh, “Fuckin’ fantastic, Joel.”

“Yeah me too,” He lies. He clears his throat before continuing, “So, what did he say?”

“Drop it Joel,” You warn, a hiccup coming up your throat, “Let’s just not talk about it ever again.”

“I’ll get it out of ya one day,” He comments, zipping up his jacket some more. You shake your head, chuckling a bit at the absurdity.

“You didn’t have to step in,” You add, “I had it handled. Like I always do.”

His pace picks up, matching yours. 

“Wrapping your hands around ‘nother guys throat is not very you, darlin’,” He says, grabbing your arm to halt your next step, “He had to of said something pretty bad for you to throw your drink and choke him out in front of a bunch of people.”

You knew what he was trying to do. He wanted to lure it out of you, but you weren’t caving. He was good at making it seem like there was no choice other than tell him what happened. 

“Guess you’ll never know, Miller,” You tug your arm away, “Tommy said you’d walk me home, not interrogate me.”

He huffs, “You are so stubborn.”

You stop mid step, turning to look him in the eye. You couldn’t believe your ears. 

“You’re the one to talk, Joel.”

“And you need to quit the drinkin’. Makes you sloppy.”

His tone was condescending and for him to call you out on drinking? No fucking way.

“You sure were sloppy the last couple times I saw you drinkin’. Remember the four patrol shifts you had last summer you couldn’t get to cause you were too fucked up the night before? Or how about a couple weeks ago when you tried to fight that guy at the Bison?”

He takes note of your aggressive tone. You weren’t just going to cower your head and take his shit. 

Maybe you were using the drinking to not think about the fact that you missed his stupid ass. Maybe it was to medicate the anxiety that rattled your bones every time he slipped your mind. Either way, he was such a hypocrite for trying to use that against you. Make it seem like he wasn’t doing that same thing when you were still together. 

“I’ve quit all the drinkin’… and hey, he called you a name,” He mumbles, “Had to put him in his place.”

You furrow your eyebrows at his statement, “What do you mean he called me a name?”

He continues to walk, almost trying to physically dodge the question. But if he was going to be persistent, you were going to be, too.

“Joel-“

“Garrett said you were whoring yourself out to him and a couple of the other guys. Called you a slut,” He confesses, not looking towards you at all.

You felt sick to your stomach. Garrett was a guy you had patrolled with, a guy who seemed really nice to your face. The same guy Joel gave a black eye to. 

“I’ve only slept with like, two other people.”

You could tell it rattled him a bit. It was a statement he couldn’t be mad at, really. He was a man with needs, too. 

“Well, the word’s gettin’ around. He said you told him he had the best dick you’ve ever had,” He laughed as the words slipped his tongue, “God knows that’s ain’t true.”

You push your hands into your pockets, “I never slept with him. It’s only been Josh and…”

You stop yourself, instantly feeling sick to your stomach at the next name that almost came out your mouth. It was something you regretted so deeply in every fiber of your being. Something you tried to forget the very second the interaction.

“Who else?”

“No one,” You say, trying to steady your voice, “None of your business.”

“It was Jesse, wasn’t it?”

Caught.

You cough, clearing your throat. You never wanted to talk about this to anyone, let alone Joel. You were desperate and no other guys really made you feel appreciated. 

The wind picks up, which causes the snow to billow towards your face and take your breath away.

“Can we just,” You shake your head, trying to get the hair out of your face, “Can we just discuss this when we get to my house?”

He leads the way, moving quickly. You follow close behind, almost using his body as a shield from the snowstorm. When you finally see your house through your frosted lashes, you feel some sense of relief. 

Joel walks up to your front porch, gesturing to you to lead the way. You knew you’d have to light a fire in the living room and warm up the small abode, so once you open the door, you rush to your fireplace. You stack wood, not taking much mind to Joel who’s kicking off his shoes and removing his coat. 

You didn’t want to do this with him. You didn’t want to discuss anything, explain yourself, or hash out any unresolved bullshit. After the night you had, you wanted to carry yourself straight to bed. 

“Want help?”

You crouch down, flicking a match into the pit, igniting the old coals. 

“No, I got it, Joel.”

He huffs, sitting down on your slouchy red couch. Nothing in your house was particularly nice, but you kept it clean and tidy. Everything had a spot, except for the man taking up space before you.

“So,” He slaps his hands on his knees, “You want to explain or?”

“No Joel,” You respond, “I don't feel like I owe you an explanation, truthfully. I honestly don’t wanna rehash all this shit with you.”

His lips tighten into a half smirk, “Okay, that’s fine.”

Silence fills the room again. You were shocked he didn’t press it further, but a bit relieved. 

“Just wanna ask one thing,” He grumbles. You stand up straight, shimmying your coat down your arms.

“What?”

“Was his dick the best one you’ve ever had?”

You feel like all the air has left your body. 

“What?”

“Jesse. Josh. Were they the best you’ve ever had?”

Hearing their names made you cringe. You knew your answer, but you wonder if you should indulge him in the truth.

He knew it already, but he wanted to hear it from your lips. The haze and exhaustion from the crazy evening makes the confession slip from your lips. 

“Joel,” You whisper, “You know damn well they aren’t shit compared to you.”

It’s like you blinked and he’s on you. His hands slide up your waist, grabbing your hips and pulling you into a bruising kiss. You don’t pull away because this is what you’ve been wanting. 

The sex with Joel was like nothing else. Maybe your relationship was rocky. Maybe you hated the way he spoke to you sometimes. Maybe you hated the way he tried to control every little thing. 

But the sex made it all worth it.

The way his hands molded around your body. His lips trailing up and down from your neck to your calves. He knew your body better than you probably knew it yourself. He never walked away from an encounter without making you cum several times. He could play you like his guitar. 

You two are falling all over your furniture to make it to the couch. He sits down, holding you close while you straddle his thighs. He’s not letting up, his kisses feverish and hurried. 

You pull away to catch your breath. His pupils are huge and his lips are already swollen. 

“What are we doing?” You whisper, using your thumb to brush across his pink lips. 

“This is what we do, baby,” He grabs your ass, pulling you flush with his crouch, “We fight and fuck. That’s all we do.”

You lean up, grinding down on his growing bulge. 

“I shouldn’t want to, but fuck,” You throw your head back, trying to ease the throbbing you feel, “I always want you, Joel.”

“I always want you too, sweetheart,” His hand finds the back of your neck, rubbing circles into the sides while you grind yourself on his lap, “I don’t want any other pussy but yours. No one else compares.”

You smile in sick pleasure, “We are so fuckin’ toxic, Joel Miller.”

He laughs, pulling your head forward. Your eyes meet his and it’s a sudden realization that you two are just actually insane. That after all the bullshit you put each other through, your horniness always wins. He wants you just as much as you want him, and yet you two can never figure out how to work problems out like actual adults.

“Tell me you don’t fuckin’ like it that way,” He trails a kiss up your neck to earlobe, “And I’ll stop right now. Leave you alone forever. Keep your dirty little secret that you like to fuck guys half your age.”

The rise Joel Miller can get out of you should be studied. He knows exactly how to push every button you’ve ever had, even the one’s you didn’t know existed. The idea of people knowing you fucked Jesse makes your stomach twist, especially since he was Ellie’s friend. 

You and Joel’s age gap never really bothered you. Maybe it was because he was older than you, but he didn’t feel that much older than you. You felt ancient with Jesse and even Josh. Joel made you feel like you were on the same level with a man.

You stop grinding on him, grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling him back to meet your gaze. He’s smiling a shit eating grin, knowing you’re pissed. 

“You’re the guy who’s fucking people half your age,” You lift yourself a bit, looking down at him with half lidded eyes, “And you flaunt it. You love having me as your little play thing. Y-”

“And you fuckin’ love it.”

“I’m talking,” You shush him, “You are going to let me talk.”

You grab his belt undoing it like you used to almost every night, “You’re going to sit back like a good boy, and let me remind you why this is the only pussy you want to fuck.”

Joel has never seen you like this. It’s like the distance between you two gave you time to gain more confidence. You tested him now, and he kind of liked it. He’d never say but he loved when you were bratty to him. Sure, before you were a little smart ass, but you were practically dominating him. It was a good change of pace. 

“Talk ‘bout toxic, baby girl,” He groans, “You know I can’t sit back and be a good boy.”

You use one hand to reach into his pants and grab his hard on. 

“You’re going to learn today,” You smile, “Because if you don’t, you’ll walk home with blue balls and you can call Kelly over to fuck you.”

He chuckles a bit, “Sounds like you’re jealous.”

You stop your actions, looking at his smug fucking face. 

“You literally just interrogated me about how I fucked half of Jackson,” You spit, “I can continue adding to the tallies. Have you watch me whore myself out to all of your patrol partners.”

“You ain-”

“Maybe I’ll get even bolder,” You continue, “Maybe I’ll even try to fuck the other Miller boy.”

You were completely fibbing. You’d never cross that line. You loved Maria and you respected her more than any other person in Jackson. You just really wanted to get under Joel’s skin.

And you quickly realize you did.

He flips you on your back and cages you under his arms. 

“You’re a fuckin’ dirty slut,” He is grabbing at your pants, yanking them down. Your jeans were skin tight and wet, but it took no time at all for him to tear them off your body, “You ain’t in charge here.”

“Let me up,” You demand, pushing at his chest. He wasn’t budging, he was on a mission. He tears off your underwear, exposing your wet slit. You didn’t even realize how dripping you were for him. 

“Look at you,” He teases, “Fuckin’ pathetic. Tryin’ to say you’d fuck my brother?” 

He shakes his head, using his fingers to trace up and down your slit. You wanted to scream out, but your mind goes blank. You were quaking with anticipation. You surrender to him pinning you against the couch. You’d get him back eventually.

“He’d never fuck a slut like you,” He continues, “No, he doesn’t know how to handle someone like you.”

“And you do?”

“I’ve been at it for awhile,” He sticks a single finger in you, making a squelching sound as he does, “Think ‘m gettin’ pretty good at ruinin’ you. Puttin’ you in your place.”

You finally moan out in pleasure, which makes his face twist in satisfaction.

“Fuckin’ Christ, I’ve missed how tight you are,” He groans, “Squeezin’ my fingers and cock so good.”

You’re practically soaking the couch with how wet you are already. All the build up and smack talk really put you in bind, his fingers driving you absolutely wild. 

He eases out of you, tracing your body to begin lifting off your shirt. He throws your shirt across the room, noticing you were actually wearing a padded bra. You smile at his realization. 

“Found one of these,” You gesture, toying with the straps, “Bet you’d never see the day.”

You had gotten used to never wearing a bra and Joel usually enjoyed it that way. You could never find a comfortable one and all your old ones were ragged and gross. On a recent patrol, you found a red bra in your size in an abandoned home. You stole it, tucking it carefully in your backpack to try on back home. Lucky enough, it fit and made your boobs sit better than they ever have. 

“Jesus Christ,” He mutters, lining the bra with his fingers, “As pretty as it is, it needs to go.”

You reach around your back, undoing it without another word. As soon as it is off, his fingers make work at pebbling your nipples. He smacked one with a gentle open hand. You squeak at the impact, watching Joel’s eyes revel at your bare body. He loved seeing you like this, crumbling under his touch. 

He props himself up on his knee which is wedged between your thighs. He pulls his shirt over his head, discarding it on the coffee table next to him. His buttons are already undone after you found yourself with your hands down his pants, earlier. He pulls those down too, letting them pool around his ankles. 

“For being a brat,” He nudges you, making you move your legs and plant them on the ground. You sit up, his hand ripping you off of your spot on the couch. He positions you between his legs, his cock standing up waiting for you. You sit back on your heels, enjoying the view. 

“You’re gonna try to be a good girl and suck me off.”

You smile eagerily, slowly running your hands up his thighs and to the base of his cock. Instead of getting straight to it, you bring the head of his cock to your lips and kiss it softly. You toy with the idea of completely ignoring his demands, but you come to the conclusion that you’d probably get nothing if you did that. And you wanted him so bad. You thought about this moment for so long. 

“Stop playin’,” He groans, watching you with his arms laying across the back of your couch. He looked like one of those statues you saw in old textbooks when you were a teenager. The ones you’d see at an old art museum scuplted from marble. The ones with the small dicks. That’s truly the only thing that differentiated the two. Joel was massive. 

“I’m not playing,” You disagree, “Shush.”

Before you can continue your tease, he grabs the top of your head. He is usually pretty assertive, but good God, he was not letting you get away with anything. You widen your lips, taking his cock into your mouth. Instead of progressing down his shaft slowly, he makes you take it fully down your throat. It causes you to gag a bit. You pull back, only for him to push you down again. 

You grip onto his thighs, digging your nails in a bit. You knew you would probably leave marks with how hard you were pressing into his skin. He winces, but continues to practically face fuck you. 

“You don’t tell me to shush, little girl,” He moans, watching your saliva drench his cock. He finally lets you pull up off him, holding your face in the process, “You hear me? You take this cock like a good girl.”

“Yes,” You manage to say, your throat already hurting from taking him in. 

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good, now come sit on my face.”

You oblige, standing up to let him reposition himself. 

You two have done this maybe twice. Each time you practically suffocated him, but he fucking loved every second of lapping you up. You knew that you were in for a ride with the way he was toying with you. 

He lays on his back, his hands keen on pulling your legs up to his shoulders. Your ass is positioned on his chest, his face between your thighs. You look down at him, sitting up straight before you ease down, letting your pussy take up the bottom half of his face. 

He dives in instantly, his mouth hungrily devouring your pussy. You scream out, letting your body relax against him. His facial hair brushes across your folds and inner thighs while his tongue begins tracing your insides. He stops at your clit, flattening his tongue and pressing forward. You couldn’t control yourself, sinking yourself down further onto him. His nose nudges your folds before he runs his mouth down your slit again, so his nose is now pressed against your clit. He moans into you, the vibrations sending you into ecstasy. 

You cum, your juices flowing down his face and your legs. He is moaning so loud, mewling at the fact that you never warned him you were about to cum. 

He taps your thighs, advising you to get off of him. You shakingly remove yourself from his face, standing up to look down at him. He was so hard and his lips and beard were soaked with your cum. 

“You fuckin’ squirted on me,” He laughs, sitting up. You felt kind of embarrassed, like you couldn’t even contain yourself for more than 2 minutes. “I’ll forgive you since it was hot. No cummin’ without permission.”

“Okay, sorry.” 

Even though you weren’t sorry. 

Your legs were practically numb and still quaking from your orgasm. You’re breathing heavily, trying to regain your composure. He notices your quivering and starts pulling you into his lap. You widen your legs, mounting his thick thighs. You look down at his cock, it sliding so perfectly between your pussy lips. He was a fucking dream. 

He doesn’t even say anything, just watching you try to catch your breath. 

“Relax baby,” He mumbles, “We haven’t even gotten started, yet.”

He grabs his cock, stroking it a bit before having you lift off of his thighs. He eases you up and onto the head of his dick. He spits into his hand, coating his shaft with it.

One thing about Joel, is he’s still the biggest you’ve ever had. No one ever got close to him. 

The stretch makes you moan out in pure euphoria. You missed it so much. It was something you craved almost every night. 

“Fuck,” You whimper, “Never gets old.”

He laughs at your admission, “Likewise.”

He snaps his hips against yours, settling into a slower pace. He was dragging it out, letting your walls become accustomed to him again. After a minute of slow strokes, he picks up his pace. He repositions, kneeling with his one leg extended out to the floor. You’re lifted up in the air partially, grinding down as he meets your motions with his strokes. Your hands are wrapped around his neck, your fingers finding his hair. His hands and grappling at your sides while you two moan in unison. 

You two were finally on the same page, not bickering, just fucking out your feelings. You felt the aggression, resentment, and fear dwindling away from you as you sweat out the brutal pace he’s bringing to the table. 

“I don’t want anyone else,” He sighs in between his cock hitting you at the perfect angle, “I only want this.”

You don’t think to hard about it, whimpering your response. 

“Please let me cum. Please.”

“So pretty when you beg.”

He’s drilling into you at this point, your tits bouncing right into his face. You lazily throw your head back, letting him take one of your nipples into his mouth. You’re so overly sensitive, you don’t know what to say other than beg him to let you release. 

“Fuck Joel, I’m gonna cum. Please, let me cum.”

He releases your tit with a pop, “Cum for me, baby.”

After two more strokes, you’re falling apart in his arms. He wraps himself around you, fucking you through the second orgasm. 

He’s a whimpering mess, chasing his own release. 

“Fuck, baby, fuck.”

“Cum for me, Joel. Moan out for me.”

His deep and guttral moan sends shockwaves through your body. You could feel his cum release inside you, while his arms grow tighter around you. After he finishes, he lays you back onto the arm of the couch. His cock still rests inside you, twitching at every little movement your hips made. 

He swipes his forehead for sweat, marveling at you. He looks so endearing, like he didn’t just fuck your brains out and call you a bunch of names. The thought makes you giggle.

“What?”

You shake your head, touching his chest with your fingers, “You’re just handsome.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

You swat him while he slowly eases out of you. You whine a bit, letting the heat from the fireplace warm your body as oppose to Joel’s body heat. 

He stands up, abandoning you on the couch as he picks up his discarded clothes. You prop yourself up, trying to sit up but your body feels like jello. 

Your really didn’t want to watch him go. 

“You should stay.”

His back is turned away from you. He freezes as he grabs his shirt from the coffee table where it landed. 

He clears his throat, “Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to leave.”

It was true. You wanted to figure it out. You wanted so badly for this to change everything. But it was just sex. Exactly how this trainwreck started. 

He starts to get dressed. You didn’t want to take that as his answer, but deep down you knew this is how things worked. You’d been through it with Joel before. You just had to wait for Ellie to come in and call you his “lady friend” and have him demand you “go get dressed”. It was the same thing every time. You thought it meant something but it really didn’t. 

Once he slips his shirt over his head, he walks back to sit next to your naked frame. He brings his hand up to trace your leg, which is perfectly nudged up against him. 

You really don’t want to believe all the things running through your mind. You craved an explanation.

“You said you only wanted this, Joel,” You grab a blanket from the back of the couch to cover yourself. You could tell he was at war with his thoughts, “Why can’t we start again? Do I seriously not mean anything to you?”

He realizes you’re pleading with him. He felt so guilty and it was written all over his face. 

“Of course you mean somethin’ to me,” He acknowledges, “But we can’t keep doin’ what we were doin’. We always end up screamin’ bout somethin’ stupid. I don’t want to make you unhappy. You deserve to be happy.”

You contemplate for a moment, unsure how to respond. 

“If being with you means screamin’ about something stupid and fighting over patrols and drinking too much and bickering over Ellie’s future,” You huff out, trying to not let the hitch in your throat become obvious, “Then I want it. I want it all. All the shit, all the fights. I want it because it’s with you.”

He doesn’t say anything immediately. The silence was deafening.

“We can try,” He mutters, “But we gotta stop tryin’ to fix everythin’ with sex. We gotta like… talk about things.”

You laugh out loud, noting his seriousness. You two were seriously thinking the same things. 

“Can we talk about our problems, like, during the sex?”

You were completely joking. You wait for his response, but it comes with him shaking his head. You wrap your arm around his shoulders, pulling him in. Your boobs press against his now clothed chest. You feel his hands slide up and down your sides. You groan in pleasure, his touch sending chills down your spine. You wanted it like this. Forever. 

He clears his throat, “Well if I’m sticking around… round two?”

THE END.

taglist: @pedrotonin @mysingularitybts @harriedandharassed @paleidiot @misatoad @lottieellz101 @cool-iguana @bbyanarchist @am-3-thyst

[sciderman]

hi sci, happy december! i really admire your pride and openness about being queer, i think it really reflects in your depiction of wade and peter. i find myself relating to pete a lot. i just really wanna ask how i can be more proud of being queer and more comfortable in my own skin?

i think you’re super cool!! thank you for your comics they make me so happy 🙏

happy december, anon!! it's – it's kind of funny, actually, that you'd say that. it made me think of a distinct memory of mine, from ages ago. where someone outed me as queer in a facebook post (without my permission!) and i got so nervous and apprehensive about it that i asked them to take it down. so it feels kind of funny, you talking about my pride and openness about being queer. when i don't know - i feel a lot like peter, too. trying to embrace these truths about himself, but still not entirely comfortable yet. personally i still don't like the label "queer" - it isn't something i'd label myself - i prefer "gay" - and it's inexplicable. maybe queer has deep-seated connotations to me. when i've heard it, it's always been derogatory. queer means weird. that's not always a good thing.

i love those who can reclaim it and scream proudly, but – i'm one of the nervous ones. and when people call me "queer", i feel nervous. i don't feel proud. but gay - gay means happy. gay is a celebration. i can proudly claim i'm gay. that feels right. i'm gay. not "weird". it's so pedantic and silly. but it's where i've found my comfort.

i'm still not exactly the most out-and-proud, in my day-to-day. i really want to be. but i haven't really found a community in the real world that makes me feel that safe and honest - lgbtq+ spaces don't always feel accommodating to everyone (least of all someone as socially anxious and repressed as i am) - and i'll be honest, i'm scared. a lot of very out-and-proud people make me nervous, they're so loud. and i'm so, so quiet. up until very recently i was terrified of lesbians. they still scare me a little. on a daily basis i ask myself "am i homophobic?"

i still live in a home where being honest about who i am is kind of a complicated issue - not that i'm under the risk of being rejected but - i kind of have to always filter myself in a way to make myself simple and uncomplicated for the people i live with. trans is complicated. bisexual is complicated. just stay plain and simple, and nobody will get scared or confused.

forming this community online definitely helped with me being able to embrace myself - seeing so many people embrace and love wade and peter and all their funny gender and sexuality experiences feels like, in some way, i'm being embraced and loved too, through them.

i feel like the most important way you can learn to embrace yourself is to be embraced by others - to find people who celebrate you, for what you are. i think it's bogus, the line of thought that "you can't be loved if you don't love yourself" - it's the complete opposite. it's so much easier to love yourself when you're loved. find people who celebrate you. who celebrate colours, and celebrate whatever you are, as you are. maybe that means getting louder. maybe that means going out and meeting people like you. maybe that means finding community somewhere, somehow.

if you're looking for a place for weird, weird gender beans, the ask-spiderpool discord server is a beautiful, wonderful place full of beautiful wonderful people with beautiful wonderful feelings.

[mandsleanan]

The Affordable Care Act covers sterilization at no-cost if you're in the US.

Article text under cut.

Sitting in the living room of her Cleveland home, 30-year-old Grace O’Malley reflects on when she ruled out having kids of her own.

O’Malley has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a genetic condition that weakens the body’s connective tissue, and can get much worse postpartum. About three years earlier, when she was in her mid-twenties, her condition worsened. O’Malley’s doctors told her that if she did get pregnant, her uterus could rupture and her child would be more likely to be born prematurely.

O’Malley was on hormonal birth control up until last May. But after the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, she knew an abortion ban was likely coming in Ohio and she might not be able to end a pregnancy if her birth control failed. She booked an appointment with her gynecologist.

“I went in that day and I knew right away I wanted a more permanent solution,” said O’Malley. “I was like, ‘I actually want to talk about getting surgery.’ And the nurse was surprised, and she was like, ‘Oh, okay.’”

Dr. Clodagh Mullen, an obstetrician-gynecologist at MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland, said since the Dobbs v. Jackson decision — which took away the constitutional right to abortion and returned the issue to state governments — many of her patients have been increasingly worried about access to reproductive healthcare and seeking more permanent solutions.

“Some patients will say, ‘Oh, could you stash some IUDs for me?’” Mullen said. “They get very nervous that [birth control] is just going to go away overall. Nobody can re-implant your tube once it's been taken out, so I think that they have that comfort of there's no way anybody can take this part away from me.”

Legislators in some Midwest states have floated bans on birth control, which, so far, haven’t gone anywhere. Mullen doesn’t anticipate that access to contraception will disappear.

“But I get why people have that fear, as I also probably didn't really think that Roe was going to get overturned, if you had asked me this four or five years ago,” she said.

What Mullen is seeing in Cleveland is mirrored across the country. The Kaiser Family Foundation surveyed more than 500 gynecologists across the U.S. in the spring and about half of doctors in states with abortion restrictions reported the number of patients seeking sterilization has increased since Dobbs.

That includes states like Indiana and Missouri - where abortion is banned with very limited exceptions, and states like Ohio, Iowa and Wisconsin where bans are currently being disputed, or where residents feel they may lose the right to an abortion. Ohio voters just approved an amendment to the state constitution, which guarantees access to abortion.

Three Ohio health systems that track contraception — MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland, University Hospitals in Cleveland, and Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus — reported a sharp rise in the number of patients seeking tubal sterilization.

Contraception decisions

There aren’t many big health risks to the type of sterilization procedure Mullen performs. Doctors mostly worry about regret. Most studies found that when doctors followed up, a small percentage of women wished they hadn’t gone through with the procedure.

The majority are like O’Malley, who had some complications post surgery, but said she never second guessed her decision.

“I've never really thought about it, honestly,” said O’Malley. “It’s become kind of a fact of my daily life. It’s like, ‘Hi, I'm Grace. I have red hair and I can't have kids.’”

O’Malley is happy her doctor respected her choice. She believes the political climate helped.

She shared the story of her best friend who sought sterilization in her late 20s, about five years ago. She said her friend had to meet with several doctors before one agreed to do the procedure, and even then, made her wait another year in case she changed her mind.

“My friend did not have that kind of grace,” O’Malley said. “Her doctor probably thought, ‘You would have other options. If you got pregnant and decided that it's really not what [you] wanted, then you could get an abortion.’ Whereas for me, that might not be the option.”

Men decide, too

Men’s contraception patterns are also changing, according to physician reports.

Dr. Sarah Sweigert, a urologist at Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, said doctors at her office performed double the number vasectomy consults and procedures as they had before the ruling.

She points to a Cleveland Clinic study, which showed that, in the summer following the court decision, the average age of men getting the procedure has dropped from late 30s to mid-30s compared to the same period the year before. The study also showed there was a significant increase in the number of men under 30 and men without children seeking vasectomy consultations post Dobbs. Sweigert has seen that trend first-hand in her practice.

“I think as more women speak out about perhaps not wanting to be on various forms of birth control for decades, I think that men are more aware of vasectomies and perhaps are doing their part,” she said.

Vasectomies are generally safer than female sterilization and have a much quicker recovery.

But Mullen isn’t surprised that so many women want the procedure themselves – they are the ones who would have to carry the pregnancy and handle the ensuing health impacts.

O’Malley feels that acutely. She had been in vulnerable situations in the past. She was sexually assaulted in college and went through a period where she was homeless. O’Malley said her choice was an act of self-protection.

“It’s not like I sit around thinking that the worst case scenario is going to happen,” she said. “But I would want to know that I was going to be safe and I wasn't going to end up in a situation where I was pregnant and I would have no path to go.”

[yuurivoice]

Happy pride month! I was wondering if you would ever make a trans character or if its ok to headcanon any of you characters trans. I really headcanon faust being ftm cuz i relate to him so him

I never mind anyone headcanoning a character as trans. I think it's dope. I think in terms of my content specifically, particularly characters I voice, I shouldn't just make and portray a trans character as most of my boys are particularly geared to sell smut in addition to the plot, and that's a whole additional layer of stuff to consider because it's like...yo why is this cis guy profiting off something that should be handled with thoughtful consideration.

That being said, I'd like to explore my creativity outside of the bounds of just the audio roleplay medium. I'd like to write and tell stories in many ways, some of which absolutely involve creating characters that don't look like me, and have very different experiences from me.

When that time comes, I'll be figuring out a process for sensitivity reads, talking with all sorts of people to gain further insight and understanding before just...making things.

It's something I try to be conscious of. I don't think a creative has to only stick with whatever lived experience they have gone through, but I think it is the bare minimum to do the legwork to understand people and whatever stories you tell, know that you may be waving flags that are not your own, and that comes with responsibility. It might also come with shutting the fuck up. You won't be able to please everyone in a scenario like that, and sometimes you just have to accept it.

I've been very lucky to have spent a pretty significant part of my life getting to know people who aren't like me. That's only scratching the surface, but if I have one strength, it's listening. I don't always get it right, or know all the things, but that awareness is why I'd take those extra steps to grasp wtf I'm about to tackle in my work.

And if I think it's beyond me, I'll also know when to hang my hat up and move along.

All of that being said, I certainly have no issue with a trans Faust headcanon. I've spoken before about how he's about as close as I'll get to publicly exploring my own complicated thoughts on my gender and whatnot. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable enough to delve top deep into that in my public facing work just because while I trust my core audience to be great to me, that's the sort of thing that I don't think I'd want to go out of my regular orbit and leave me explaining myself to strangers on the internet. 😂

[blackholelynn]

Summer Chases Away the Cold

Summary: The sunny summer weather makes it hard to see your boyfriend when he's a vampire that sparkles in the sunlight.

Pairing: Edward Cullen x Reader

Warnings: None. Kissing but nothing too heavy I don't think

Word Count: Just over 3k

A/N: My first Twilight fic!! I have been an avid consumer of the Twilight Renaissance for I think a year or two now? And don't even get me started about how obsessed I was when I experienced Twilight for the first time!! So I'm very happy to contribute something, and I'm especially happy that it's a contribution to the Twilight Appreciation Week being done by @twilightsaganetwork! Day 1 is "favorite character" which was a really hard ask, but after some deep digging, I settled on good ol' Eddie boy. So please enjoy!

~~~

School is an ever-present aspect of your life, no matter how much you wanted to escape it. The impending end of the summer and the summer weather brought with it only seemed to complicate matters. All of your friends were already planning vacations and activities for the three-month break. Jessica was especially trying to coax you out of Forks for a vacation to a warmer climate, like California.

You had made excuses after excuses, but you couldn’t manage to tell her the real reason behind your refusal. The only one that knew was Bella, who could see your melancholic demeanor from a mile away. It wasn’t until one fateful Wednesday that she cornered you in your shared study hall to get to the bottom of your sadness.

“Are you okay?” she blurted. It would have been silly to expect any kind of soft approach from her.

You plastered on a fake smile and attempted to hide your expression by turning back to your open notebook. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? School’s that much closer to being over.”

“And the sun has the Cullens hiding away.”

The Cullens.

Or, more specifically, Bella was pointing out the absence of your Cullen: Edward. You had never thought that a partnered project about The Odyssey would lead you to form such a deep connection with someone, but in each other, you both found a place of solace.

Edward had been a hard person to read with how high his walls were. He was like an impenetrable fortress, and you couldn’t even tell if it was to keep people out or to keep him in. He had even offered to do the project himself to avoid having to listen to your inquisitive thoughts, but you stubbornly refused. From there your forced proximity wore down Edward’s walls bit by bit, and the rest happened the way any relationship would – with the added element of vampirism.

“You and I both know that they have to,” you sighed, relieved to be able to at least talk to someone about your issues. Her friendship with Jacob also made her privy to the existence of vampires, considering the complications between them and the pack. She was really the only friend you could confide in regarding anything supernatural.

“I know…and I know that you’re mopey when he’s not around.” Bella bumped your shoulder with her own, trying to get you to actually look at her.

You bumped her back and chuckled, “Am not!”

“You are too, and I think you should do something about it. It’s not like you haven’t been to their house before.”

“I have, but never without being invited.”

“So?” The bell rang and Bella began packing up her supplies. She slung her bag over her shoulder and got ready to leave, only saying one last thing before she left. “I have to get to my next period, but I say just go over. He can’t be mad about you wanting to see him. He’s your boyfriend.”

Bella’s words lit a fire of indignation inside you. Why had you gone over a week without seeing Edward simply because of a little sun? You were going to march right over there as soon as school let out and demand to know why you hadn’t seen each other.

That is, you were going to do that until you found a piece of paper folded and stuck under your windshield wiper. You surveyed the parking lot carefully but only saw the typical students rushing to their cars at the end of the day. Gingerly opening it, you read the tell-tale writing of Edward.

Meet me at my house. I have something to show you.

Just his writing was making your heart thump, and it made you feel utterly stupid in the best way possible. You threw your bag in your backseat without regard and raced out of the parking lot towards the Cullens’ house. Luckily, none of the police force were out or you would’ve had to explain why you were going twenty above the speed limit in a school zone. Even being friends with the chief’s daughter wouldn’t have gotten you out of that.

As you flew down the road in your car, the trees sped past, and your tires squealed when you peeled into the Cullens’ driveway. You nearly forgot to shut off the car’s engine as you sprinted towards the door.

Alice was already there and opened it for you, a small frown on her face. “You were driving awfully fast.”

“Where’s Edward?” you blurted. When Alice’s frown grew deeper, you nervously began to play with your fingernails. “Sorry, I just…I really need to see him, Alice.”

“He’s up in his room.” She stopped you when you turned to leave with a cold hand around your forearm. It was a gentle grip in contrast to the strength you knew she possessed. “I know it’s hard to remember when you’re surrounded by vampires, but you’re still mortal. Don’t be wreckless.”

Your expression softened at her concerned words and you nodded. “Sorry if I worried you.”

“Well, you’re in one piece, so just make sure you stay that way.” The smile had now returned to her face, and she wordlessly gave her blessing by letting go of you. Alice’s footsteps were light as she skipped further into the house.

As you hurried to his room, your mind was consumed by Edward. He would inevitably comment on your infatuation, as he loved to do so. The one bad thing about him being able to read your mind was that he could always pry into your thoughts when he wanted an ego boost, as then he wouldn’t have to rely on your words alone to convey your feelings for him.

When you arrived upstairs to his room, his door was already ajar, as was his window. He was standing by it and staring out towards the forest surrounding the house. The summer sun streaming through the trees created dapples of sparkles across his skin. Your breath caught in your throat when you saw the sight.

“Do I get to see you or are you just going to oggle me from outside the room?” he teased, not turning around to look at you.

Your face heated up in embarrassment, and you took a few hesitant steps into his room. “What was with the cloak and dagger note? You couldn’t have called?”

“I thought the note would be more…interesting. Considering how fast you got here, I would say you thought so.”

“You’re teasing me an awful lot when I’ve barely seen you,” you pouted. You now stood beside him at the window, searching for whatever he was looking at. There was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing other than trees and the occasional bird. Your eyes moved back to him to get a better sense of where he was looking, but his focus was now solely on you. In an instant, your head snapped back to stare out the window. “See? I’ve got to get used to this again.”

Edward chuckled and held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, guiding you to face him again. “Well, it’s nice to know that I still have an effect. A pretty strong one at that.”

His eyes flitted around your face, searching for something. You knew that look. He was making himself at home in your brain and taking it upon himself to indulge in your thoughts. By the grin that plastered itself on his face, he liked what he had found.

You puffed out your cheeks and swatted at his chest. “No fair! No poking around in my mind like that!”

“Is it because it’s unfair? Would you like me to tell you what I’m thinking to make it up to you?” He leaned in so he was only a few inches away from your face. “Even the playing field a little?”

“Um…” His words and his close proximity made you go dumb, and your entire mouth went dry. You licked your lips to try and introduce some moisture back into them, but your saliva only made it worse.

He ghosted his lips over yours which sent shivers up your spine, and he whispered, “I’ve been thinking about this the whole time we’ve been apart.”

You weren’t sure who made the first move to close the distance, but in a surge, your lips met. The iciness of his skin felt like it was consuming you. You forgot how much you missed the feeling of being close to him until you had been deprived of it for so long. It was so overwhelming that you completely forgot yourself, hungrily trying to get even more of him.

You should have known better because with a sharp inhale, he took a step back with a sharp inhale. “The time we’ve spent apart has made me forget how hard it is to control myself around you.”

“Ditto,” you replied out of breath, although you knew he was talking about a different kind of control. With the space between the two of you now a chasm, it felt a little easier to breathe. You suddenly remembered why he had asked you to come in the first place. “I hope the thing you wanted to show me wasn’t your kissing skills because while I am absolutely not complaining, you didn’t have to create a pretense for that. If you had written a note that you wanted to kiss me, I would’ve raced over here just as fast.”

“I know,” Edward said cheekily.

You shrugged and leaned against the window sill. “Alright, then spill.”

In the blink of an eye, Edward had positioned you on his back, hanging out of the open window. “It would be better if I showed you.”

You couldn’t help but look down below, and your stomach dropped at the height. Your arms wound tightly around Edward’s shoulders as you held on for dear life, trying desperately to keep your grip as he jumped from tree to tree. He moved so fast that the leaves and branches of the forest became blurs of green and brown. You couldn’t say how many times he’d shown how fast he was or how strong he was, but every time felt like the first. It was always so thrilling.

Finally, his journey through the brush came to a slow halt once he had broken free from the tree line. There was a clearing that had a small hill in the middle of it. The trees encircled it like it was a forbidden place for them to grow. Even the noises of the wildlife seemed far away, which made it feel like a pocket of the world where it was just you and Edward.

He gently set you on the ground, and you took a few wobbly steps into the clearing. “Wow. It’s beautiful. Did you find it while you were hunting?”

“I wanted to bring you here as soon as I found it,” he replied, following closely behind you. His hand intertwined with one of your own. “We’ve only been able to see each other at school, but on days like today…”

“We could come here,” you finished with a grin. You felt like you were floating on air as you looked around the clearing. Your very own little paradise to share with Edward. A place that was yours. You spun around and put your arms around his shoulders, playing with his hair. “It’s perfect.”

He placed a small kiss on your lips, much more chaste than the last, and led you to the middle of the clearing. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Once you got to the middle, just at the top of the slight hill, he gently guided you to lie beside him in the grass. The chill of his body was a welcome contrast to the humidity of the summer weather. You rested your head on his chest to avoid the feeling of the grass against your skin. Despite how much you two had to catch up on, an easy silence stretched between both of you, and you basked in his presence, thankful to finally be near him. The sun set low in the sky and cast a golden border of light around the dark clouds that started to roll in the sky.

“It looks like it might rain,” Edward pointed out, sitting up.

However, you refused to move. “Mhm…let’s just stay until it starts. I don’t want to leave yet.”

Normally, he wouldn’t indulge you. He would insist on leaving so that you didn’t catch a cold or slip and fall. He always was hyper-aware of your humanity and how “fragile” that made you compared to him. However, this time he settled back and brought his arm closer around you.

The clouds rolled above you creating a canopy that the sun cast beautiful colors on, creating a natural light show for the two of you to watch. It slowly grew darker and darker until there was barely a shadow of the clouds against the inky night sky. The nightfall caused you to sit up and dust off, fully ready to make the trek back to Edward’s house and your car, when he tugged on the hem of your shirt to get your attention. He pointed towards the sky again without a word when you looked over.

You looked up and were in awe, and this time you were the one to settle back into your previous position. Although there was no rain, a distant thunderstorm was lighting up the sky in flashes every time lightning striked. The thunder was a gentle and quiet roar when it reached you and Edward. You had seen heat lightning before but seeing it with Edward’s arms around you seemed to make everything look better.

“Wow,” you breathed out in awe.

“Wow is right.”

When you turned your head to look up at him, you found that his eyes weren’t on the sky but on you. They were filled with adoration, a small smirk resting on his lips. A giggle bubbled from you as you hid your face in his shoulder.

“It looks like that storm is moving towards us, so as much as I want to stay here…” Edward picked you up as he stood, holding you close to his chest. “We should get back to the house.”

“I know. I should be getting home too since it’s getting late.”

Like a gentleman, he whisked you back to your car and kept you safe from the rain, and he opened your car door for you. The warmth of your car beckoned you against the chill settling in the evening air due to the impending rain, but you couldn’t manage to bring yourself to separate from who was in front of you. Despite his chilling touch, despite his self-loathing tendencies, despite the contrast between your mortality and his immortality – he was who you wanted to be with until the end. You always had an inkling, but the soft, easy moments like this only made it that much clearer.

“I don’t want to go,” you blurted out.

Edward’s mouth turned up in a rueful smile, amused at your sudden and unimportant confession. “And I don’t want you to, but you have to get some rest for tomorrow.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Seeing Edward’s confused and worried expression, you rested your arms around his shoulders to assuage his anxieties. “I meant it in more of a long-term way. I don’t want the time we spend together to be so deliberately orchestrated to avoid it being by happenstance. I don’t mind waking up next to you every morning.”

“Are you…proposing?” And with the way the tone of his voice seemed to waiver, you knew that if he still breathed, the breath would’ve caught in his throat. The vampiric perfection that was always surrounding him crashed down to reveal him in his most vulnerable state. He waited in apprehension for your response.

“Yup. You’re stuck with me, lover boy. Forever.”

His amber-colored eyes lit up with glee, and the dark sky behind him flashed a bright white from the ever-approaching lightning simultaneously. You squealed when his strong arms wrapped around your middle so he could spin you around. As soon as your feet touched the ground again, his lips were attached to yours. Droplets of cold rain fell around you, but neither of you cared about the rain anymore.

However, the moment was abruptly halted when the scenery changed around you in a flash, and you were suddenly sitting on the couch in the Cullens’ living room as Edward draped a blanket over you. “I nearly forgot that you’d catch a cold in that weather.”

You puffed out your cheeks in a pout despite snuggling deeper into the blanket's warmth. “You know, we’ll have to fix this whole ‘sickness’ thing. It’s inconvenient.”

“Believe it or not, Carlisle does that for a living.”

“Haha,” you responded sarcastically to his cheeky comment. “I said forever, and I meant it.”

Edward’s jovial exterior was disrupting for only a moment before he tried to plaster it back on. “Maybe we should just celebrate an engagement right now and worry about everything else another time.”

You were about to argue when a loud clamor from deeper in the house made you startle. Esme and Rosalie were now in the middle of the room grilling you about the engagement they had known nothing about, and Alice stood behind you talking over them about wedding ideas she’d been bursting at the seams to share.

Edward smiled happily to see how well you meshed with his family. It wasn’t perfect (nothing really was), but it was more than he felt he ever deserved. You were more than he deserved. Yet, you wanted to throw away your humanity and devote yourself to him for the rest of eternity. The thought terrified him and instilled a deep sense of guilt, but for now, he would focus on the elation of the love you two shared.

Your laughter carried across the room, and he didn’t know if you were redeeming him to heaven or damning him further to hell.

[eldhuug]

frikk, this may be crossing a line, and if it is, i do apologize. i just wanted to see if you would be willing to share more about your experience of having a stroke?

i have a lot of health issues myself, and i'm always keeping an eye out for stroke symptoms. people tell me i'm too young to worry, which obviously isn't true, but is a commonly held belief. so i guess i'm asking you about it, to see if you'd be willing to share your story, for awareness reasons. or even to help process what i'm sure was, and still is, a very difficult situation, to say the least.

again, if this is too much to ask, i very much apologize, and please feel free to ignore my message, of course.

i look up to you and your art a lot, and i am so, so glad you're still with us. it is your right to share with us about your life as much or as little as you desire, and i am here for it either way.

It absolutely isn't too much to ask! It's an experience I'm trying to define and present for my own sake too, it's a truly harrowing experience that not only has tangible and long lasting impact on my life and my work, and I'm incredibly grateful that I was in a place with a lot of people who could help me and even saw the symptoms for what they were, I'm not sure if be able to do that myself before this happened! It's something I both worry about talking too much about, it's a complicated daily routine of guilt and grief but my bottom line is just that I'm SO so happy I'm still alive. My new disabled body is a gift because even as I've changed I'm still here!!

If I can help a little with putting words and images to my experience , I'd be delighted and happy to do so I'm my un erratic messy way and km deeply touched your want to see that

I hope your health issues don't lead to this experience, I hope you'll live without this happening to you and I wish you the very very best

[roomwithanopenfire]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thanks for pulling me into this!! I've loved seeing everyone else's answers, and my list of fics to read has only gotten longer <3 I only have 7 fics posted, so I get to talk about all but two of them!

Proof of Life (55k, T, WIP)

Am I allowed to pull wips into here? This is definitely my favorite thing I've written so far. It's a Canon Divergence fic where Natasha lives, and she's not very happy with Baz being Turned. We explore Baz's childhood, and then it moves into more of an 8th year getting together fic. It's more ambitious than anything else I've tried, and it's so so long (it'll be over 80k when it's all posted). I've had a lot of fun exploring the World of Mages through it, as well as thinking a lot about Natasha's character (and how not one person in Carry on thinks she'd have let Baz live). Also some of the most emotional dialogue I've ever written lies in this fic.

No Sweeter Drug (than just giving you my love) (60k, T)

This is not a Carry On fic, but I'm oh so proud of it. It's a Robin/Nancy Stranger Things fic, post-season 4, second-chance romance. Robin and Nancy met each other at a youth retreat in New York and had a whirlwind summer romance, but Nancy didn't date girls, and the two of them parted ways. Now, with the Upside Down stuff over, Nancy has a lot of questions about what she wants, and maybe that is Robin. This was the first thing I've written in third person and past-tense, and I was exploring new characters. The result was something sweet, emotional, and just a little angsty. Also I'm so proud of some of the prose in this, especially in the second chapter. And I love my exploration of Nancy and comphet. (And I've made some amazing friends in the Stranger Things fandom and I would have never met them without this fic!)

Do As You're Told (51k, T)

My first long fic!! This is Simon accidently puts an illegal compulsion spell on Baz, and then angst ensures. This was only the third fic I wrote and my first attempt at writing something long. I didn't really interact with the fandom that much then, so getting comments on that fic was the best thing ever. Also the last chapter/scene with the spell-breaking sequence is one of my favorite things I've written. I love the conversations about morality and how people do bad things that hurt other people for no real reason that was born out of this fic—even though I started writing it for the sole reason of making Baz cry.

not hard enough (but it isn't easy) (5.8k, T)

I think every fic writer should write one fic that is purely projection (what else is fanfic for?). This was something I really just wrote for me, and I didn't really think anyone would enjoy reading it. There's no real plot—just a lot of talking and emotions. Simon's going through a medical issue, and doesn't really know how to talk to Baz about his complicated feelings that come of that. I'm proud of that fact that I was able to write this, and I've been so touched by people sharing their own stories in the comments. I'm happy the fic was able to find some of it's people.

Tense Silence (6.6k, T)

I will always be proud of this fic because it's the first fanfic I've ever posted!! (We are not counting the stuff from middle school) I had a scene stuck in my head, and I just had to write it down. It's Baz and Simon stuck in close proximity on house arrest, but Simon is determined to use this to prove that Baz is a vampire. It's the kind of angsty vampire fic that I love (and that I have continued to write), and while if I were to write it today it would look a lot different, I'm still so proud of it! And so proud of myself for taking the plunge and writing and posting something <3

[altschmerzes]

hey saw ur comment on the man city fix it fic ab Jamie’s fathers death & was wondering what u disliked ab the Jamie’s mum and Simon part? not judging or anything im just curious!!

yeaaaaaaah so! from what ive seen at least this is a not particularly common opinion which is fine, im aware i have some particular biases and priorities and whatnot in this area, but it just… i didnt like that stuff at all. it really put me off actually, for a couple reasons. i'll get into why, but i know a lot of people like Really Loved that stuff and especially his mom - and it also gets a little down on season 3 and the writing team as a whole at some points lmao - so i'll put it under a cut.

(this got. very long. im so sorry.)

it basically boils down to a couple things: 1. what they presented us with doesn't hold water if poked literally at all in any direction, 2. it made me feel a little uncomfortable given the way everything else in jamie's arc played out, and 3. if they were going to do something like this, they needed WAY more time and narrative space to execute it well in general and specifically for ME to execute it in a way that didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth.

there are a few things that i generally dread when you have a character who's presented to have some serious trauma related to their family and specifically to an abusive parent, and one of those things is the sudden inclusion of another parent in there who is just. everything is totally fine and normal and happy and not at all complicated with them! it always makes me feel weird and bad when that happens, especially when there is no explanation provided for how that like. fits in with the abuse we know they experienced as well. that is a matter of personal preference, and i can own that. i just don't like it, and it makes me feel weird and uneasy. and that's part of it here, but what's also part of it is that i think that - my personal feelings about this type of character choice overall aside - they did not execute it well given the story they'd already presented us with, the way they used these new characters, and how much time they spent on it.

the image they presented of jamie's mom and stepdad is like… very simple and positive and shiny and uncomplicated. it's just good. they just love and support him and are a positive and affectionate active presence. and that might seem like an unfair characterization of it because we saw very little and we know very little of what their relationship is actually like - we don't know what might be complicated, what might be messy, how often they talk, etc - but that’s honestly part of my issue here. we were given a sliver of a glimpse into jamie's mom and his relationship with her and his stepdad when jamie as a character is someone who is hugely defined by his family history and the baggage and trauma and danger associated with it. if they were going to do this, they needed to spend way more time on it. they needed to introduce her earlier, do something to make it jive with what we were already presented about her: some vague mentions, half of which were in past tense, and all of which seemed to imply very strongly that if she were alive (which there was a lot of confusion about!) then they were likely to some degree estranged, because it seemed pretty clear with the 'i don't know if she would be [proud] lately' bit that he literally did not know what she thought of him in recent years. and like. it seems like i'm nitpicking, but again, this is a character who has been so strongly based in and defined by his family and the like. past and current danger and trauma associated with it.

especially given how little time or attention was given to everything else with his family, it was just way too late in the game to introduce these characters and be able to do them and their relationship with the existing characters justice. like you’ve already got a complicated story you’re skipping most of and not giving its due do you really need to add more really complicated stuff in there. and then just go actually it's not complicated don't worry about it :) like. that just doesn't work for me.

so that's where i'm at like, not only do i inherently dislike this sort of element introduced with this type of character, which is a me problem, i also think the story they presented in that episode with his mom and simon just flat out didn't make sense and they did not have the time to make it make sense even if they'd tried, which they didn't. like... if things are just fine and normal and easy with them and she’s just great and loving and supportive it’s like i. So What Happened, Then.

it makes his entire arc make less sense. if she's just Been Here what happened? why did he need to be reminded that not EVERYONE in his life was out to get him? why did keeley have to tell him to stop battling everyone that was just trying to help him? why is he so isolated and adrift at the beginning of season two? why did she never attend a single match? why did we never see him text or call or mention her in a contemporary way? like there COULD be answers to those things that make sense with what they presented, but we didn't get any of those answers and those are big questions to me given they comprise like... all of jamie's character arc lmao. at the end of the day, throwing in the stuff with his mom feels... really disrespectful to the story they wrote with him (that they already fell down on the job with) to just throw that in there with no consideration or attention paid to how it fits with or impacts anything already established.

i truly don't think that every question needs to be answered in a story. i am not saying that. i'm not saying someone needed to turn to the audience and go here's the logistic details of exactly how and when everything that happened with jamie and his parents happened. but there are some serious issues with like, telling a coherent story, and utilizing the extremely limited narrative space that a secondary character in an ensemble show can be afforded. (especially when in season three it really felt like they were already racing through characters and plot lines and backstory stuff like the goal was to just drop info just to Have It and then never address or do anything with it at all.) why did they do that, is what i keep going back to. you're telling a story with very limited space and a lot of characters. so what was the reason for that stuff to be there? so that someone could lay the 'yea he was a dick but he made you into this person! you're so strong now!' foundation for ted telling jamie to forgive his dad and 'disappointed teacher face' him into saying 'thank you' after the 'fuck you'? or was it just fanservice that you didn't think needed to fit with the rest of the story narratively or thematically? because that's where i keep going back to as well.

it just... and this is the bitchier, more spiteful part of me saying this, the part that was PROFOUNDLY let down by the way they handled the aspects of jamie's arc to do with his family and with the abuse he suffered, but it feels like an attempt to use happy sparkly fanservice-y funny and feel-good scenes with his adorable mom and sweet stepdad to like. pull way back on the rest of his whole situation with his family like see no he’s fine! isn’t it great how funny and adorable his mom is! isnt his stepdad fun! everything is fine actually things with his dad are just ~complicated because james drinks :) (and then all he needs to do about that is grow up and forgive, he's just a melodramatic mama's boy, the pain is his fault and he'll be fine once he Forgives, and rehab fixes everything). i don't have some kind of conspiracy that this was their actual reasoning but that's how it hit to me - whoops we don't actually want to deal with the abuse so we're gonna sweep it way under the couch and look! see! here's his cute fun mom isn't she great! (He's Fine Don't Worry About It, His Family Is Actually Sooooo Supportive!)

but yeah that's the bitchy and unfair part of me so. that's not really my main point.

(i also gotta say everything about that sequence with jamie and company at his mom's house feels like... tissue paper thin and very fucking weird from both a narrative and a logistical point of view. the stuff with the actual people of his mom and stepdad aside, what the hell was up with his room? what was that poster of keeley doing there. when did that go up. how old was he when he put it there. yeah she's older than him by a fair bit but not THAT much older. and if he was putting it up as like, a teenager or something, why is the rest of that room decorated for a seven year old. parents preserve their kids rooms like shrines this is true but the idea of a like, jamie in his mid/late teens or whatever putting that poster of keeley up but also sleeping in a little kid's bed still is like... did you think about this at all. it really does not seem like you did. At All. it just goes to my spiteful fringe theory about that whole sequence which is “oh this is pure 100% gratuitous backpatting fanservice that nobody actually thought about in any real way whatsoever”)

sorry this got so long but i have a lot of thoughts on this and they get kicked up every time i see posts gushing about how much people loved georgie or those scenes or whatnot like everyone is of course entitled to their opinion and i don't hold it against anyone! but that stuff hit way different for me and just added insult to injury in an episode that generally seemed to handle jamie and his situation in a way i found cringeworthy and weird at best and offensive and victim blaming at worst.

[babyhatesreality]

Hey loves! Can you possibly do a Head cannon with mob stucky and reader? How would they be when the reader is sick?

Hey love! So....answering this a year later....ugh, trust me I'm disgusted with myself. I hope you're still around to read this, and if you are, I thank you for sticking with me while I went through it this past year. I hope you enjoy <3

So with Mafia Stucky and Little Reader, when you're sick, there is a very calculated plan to get you better.

The trouble is, you're terrified of doctors after all those mean doctors held you captive before your Mafia Daddies could rescue you. You still trembled at the sight of a white lab coat, even after all this time.

So at the first sign of a sniffle or a sore throat, they call in their "guy"

You know him as Mr. Bruce, the really nice man in the purple silk shirt who tells you really silly jokes and talks to you sometimes when you're feeling icky

They know him as Dr. Banner, their on call physician who has been threatened within an inch of his life to not tell you that he's a doctor

Banner has no problem with this arrangement. He enjoys working for Steve and Bucky, as his...issues with rage, let's say....have gotten him in trouble in other locations, and Stucky has given him a full time job with incredible benefits where he still can practice medicine and science.

So what if the majority of his work is now stitches and tending to bullet wounds? He's still helping people, right?

And he genuinely loves you. He was one of the ones to help Steve and Bucky "get you out" of your kidnapped situation, and he was the one quietly monitoring your health as you came out of the haze that the drugs had put you in. He spent a lot of time caring for you and came to see you as a baby sister of sorts. He was extremely protective and fond of you.

Bruce has gotten extremely good at being able to just talk to you and diagnose what the problem is, because you trust him enough to be honest with him about how you're feeling

If there's an occasion where he needs a saliva sample, he's designed special lollipops that taste delicious- AND melt quickly. He simply pockets the stick when you're done and you have no idea.

If he needs a blood sample, that's a bit more complicated. That's when the strawberry milk comes out and you take a nice nap. You'll wake up later to find a little itchy spot on your arm, but that's really about it.

Once Bruce has diagnosed you, he'll quietly talk through a game plan with one of your Daddies while the other one is cuddling and cradling you in the other room.

You don't have any big issues with taking medicine- after all, your daddies are giving it to you and they always know what they're doing, so you don't question it.

You hate cough syrup with a fiery passion. More than once you've straight up refused to take it or spat it back out repeatedly, resulting in a spanking after you get better, but since Bruce figured out a way to mask the taste in a candy, it's not nearly as much of a battle as it used to be.

Mostly, you just crave cuddles and attention. And Steve and Bucky are more than happy to give it to you.

Their team knows just how sick you are by how Stucky rearranges their schedules. If you have a cold, they will NOT get them at the same time until you're better. If you have something a little rougher, like a stomach flu, don't expect to see either of them until you're back on your feet. If it's something like pneumonia, it's about to become everyone's only problem for the foreseeable future. They will ALL be on call twenty four seven. God help them if they think any differently.

Steve likes to carry you around everywhere, even if it's just from the bed to the bathroom. He doesn't want you wasting a bit of energy on something as trivial as walking- it should all go towards you getting better.

Half of his pockets are loaded with your medication, and the other half are full of little toys and expensive trinkets and sparkly jewelry to reward you for being good and staying down and taking your medicine.

Bucky anticipates your every need before it even happens. You shiver once, and he's already wrapped a blanket around you. Your face looks a bit flushed, and he's gently pressing a cool washcloth to your forehead, murmuring about what a good girl you are. He's holding up a tissue to your nose before you even realize you have to sneeze.

They will let you have unlimited screen time, watching all your favorite movies and TV shows with you- as long as they've approved them, of course.

You also get to eat pretty much anything you want (unless it's a stomach illness), since you really don't want to eat when you don't feel well. They'll let you have almost anything to ensure that you're still eating enough to get better.

Every morning, they carry you to another new room in the mansion, with clean fresh sheets and new things to do, since you get very bored very quickly, especially after a whole day in bed. Hell, what else are they gonna do with the twenty guest rooms in the house? The cleaning crew then sanitizes the previous room in a whirl, just in case you decide you want to go back in there.

Steve and Bucky cuddle you and constantly tell you what a good girl you are, and how proud they are to be your daddies, and just how much better their lives are now because you're in them.

And honestly? That heals you faster than anything else.

[spaceorphan18]

@yadivagirl who wanted to know what issues I had with the Duran Druan Mash up and You Make Me Feel So Young

So, I want preface this by saying, I do actually like both of these songs.

Rio/Hungry Like the Wolf: I realized I haven't watched this in a long, long time - there are beats that are really funny. And the dynamic between Cooper and Blaine is hysterical and very telling and ooff, it is tragic that Matt Bomer was only in one episode.

Anyway - my big issue here is a technical one. The sound of this performance is so processed that it's very apparent that they've done stuff to the audio. It kind of destroys the illusion that it's happening live.

Also, oof, people don't kill me - I'm not a huge fan of Blaine's outfits in Season 3. I know the whole bowtie thing was a thing but *scrunches nose* fine.

You Make Me Feel So Young: This one is perhaps a little more complicated to talk about. And maybe indicative of the biggest issue I had/have with the back part of Season 5. They didn't have Kurt and Blaine have many happy moments to offset their struggles.

This performance is just so complex. I will say, unlike Rio, technically, it's great. The boys both sound wonderful on it, and the audio is just perfect. I like the sound of it.

The scenes are, hmmm, it straddles this very vague line of where Kurt is and it's kind of confusing until you get the full view of what is going on in the episode. It's the morning after the bug incident, where Kurt got no sleep, and he's struggling because his partner is attached to his hip and he needs some space and doesn't know how to express that. So there's a little bit of intentional agitation from Kurt throughout the whole song.

And it is purposeful, and it's appropriate for the story, and it's supposed to at odds with Blaine's already living as an 80yo man mentality. (They are young already, why are they even singing this? Oh because Blaine is trying to make his life a 40s musical.) But we get so little domestic Klaine in the show that something that's it's a shame we didn't get to see any of their honeymoon period before the strains of an actual relationship happen.

That said, there are moments I genuinely like - like the pillow fight where they both seem to actually be enjoying it, and is an actual youthful thing, and when they come back from shopping - and Kurt is in a much better mood. (and would have been in an even better mood had he been able to have his sexy times...)

So, ha, there ya go! :)