#This interaction is what I'm using as serotonin for the day though

[universalvibes]

Michelle called me her partner today when I went in to give her break like we're a fucking law firm or S O M E T H I N G.

[luveline]

Hey jade, I hope you had a good Christmas,

Love your writing so much it brings me so much serotonin 🤣🤣 I have a request for hotch if you’d be up to it, I just love this man’s patience and understanding and would love to see him interact with reader who struggles with sex? Or just sexual stuff in general, like maybe she feels really embarrassed about it and doesn’t know how to talk about it with him? Idk if this is something you’d be interested in just thought I’d throw it out there. Regardless, I can’t wait to see what you post next ♥️♥️♥️

hotch lends you some comfort when a certain topic flusters you, 1.1k

cw adult themes, mdni 

“It's almost cheaper to have kids.” 

You scoop your gaze from the deodorants. “What?” you ask, looking first to Hotch, and then to his eyeline. “Oh.” 

The grocery store boasts a few rows of contraceptives. Condoms, dental dams, and under that, lubes and stimulants in candy rainbow colours. Thirty one ninety nine for silicone-free, aloe vera flavoured lube. Twenty seven for o-gel. 

You avert your gaze without fact-checking him on the condoms, laughing awkwardly as your heart races. “Right.” 

“I'm kidding. Just feeding Jack is a surprising expense.” He says surprising like it's delightful. “Good thing we have cushy jobs.” 

Oh, he's feeling funny tonight. Your laugh is authentic as he takes your arm, the basket in his other clinking as he starts forward again. You finish your quick stock up and Hotch pays for your things despite your protests, packing you and the bags into his ‘cushy’ car. 

You're a little embarrassed in the passenger seat. Your relationship with Hotch is complicated in that while you're in the official early days, you pined for a long time. You're undoubtedly in love with him, and though he's your boss and your senior, he seems to have taken a similar liking to you, hence another chilled out date night upon his invitation. And you've you've messed around like teenagers with kisses too hot and hands wandering, but you haven't fucked, and it's a problem, because your usual awkwardness around the subject grows bigger the longer you wait. 

Hotch can wait forever if he wants, you're not trying to rush him. If he wanted to fuck you tonight you'd probably be too nervous anyhow. 

You can't talk about condoms. How are you going to cope when you have to use one? 

Your stomach churns the longer you think about it. Hotch doesn't react at first, but you know he's figured you out when he covers your hand atop your knee and gives it a squeeze. You okay?

“Can we turn on the radio?” you ask. 

His hand lifts away slowly. He turns on the radio, and you think, oh, he's mad. No, not mad. Irritated, maybe, or confused. That's not fair to him. You think it anyway, sick to your stomach as he parks in the parking garage under his building and you make your way up. 

He doesn't pull any punches —as soon as you're inside with your shoes off and the door locked, he puts the groceries on the counter and looks at you until you meet his eyes. 

“I'm sorry,” he says. 

“What for?” you ask, startled. 

“I made you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to imply anything before you're ready.” He's handsome like this, earnest, his eyebrows raised and an inviting palm held open on the counter beside him. “It was a poorly judged joke.” 

“No, no, I,” —you bring a hand to your mouth, cover it, uncover it— “don't mind if you want to joke about it. It would be weird to care, right?” 

He hears an insecurity in your tone you don't mean to reveal, and he pieces it together swiftly. Understanding lines his eyes. “I don't think so,” he murmurs. 

You're embarrassed beyond words, but he is your boyfriend. He asked with a little expensive bracelet and your favourite baked treat from the bakery near work. You'd only ever mentioned it once, but he remembered. He knows you well, and he's never given you reason to be afraid of his reactions. 

“It's just so embarrassing,” you mumble, staring down at your socks. 

“What is?” he asks, crossing the kitchen to take your hands. “You don't have to be embarrassed about anything, you're perfect.” 

Your breath catches, your neck cracking uncomfortably as you look up. “I– I don't know how to talk about it. I know it's childish.” 

“No, it's not. It's a big thing, and it comes naturally to some people, but not everyone.” His brow furrows a little, the warm depth of his voice working to unspool the tight panic you'd been clinging to, “I'd never push you to do something you're not ready for.” 

“I know that. It's not you. And I don't know if I'm ready or not, it's just–” Your face is hot enough to boil rain. You shake your head. It's too difficult to explain. 

Hotch ushers you into his solid chest. “It's okay,” he says, patting your back gently. “Don't worry about it.” 

“I want us to be like everyone else,” you confess. 

“We are. You're not the first woman to get nervous about the idea of intimacy, sweetheart, I promise. And I'm not the first man to make a bad joke about contraceptives.” He laughs as you laugh, two huffing chuckles as he presses his lips to the top of your head. “You can take as much time as you need to get used to the idea, and if it's still weird when you're ready, does it matter? We'll be weird about it together. Or we won't be. Okay?” 

“Yeah, okay… thank you, Aaron.” 

“I waited a long, long time for this,” he says, giving your back a pointed little squeeze. “And it's more than I ever thought I'd get. I'm not worried about the rest. I'm in no rush, and you shouldn't be either.” 

You hide your face in his chest for a while, somehow more embarrassed than when you'd started. He draws lines up and down your back with his palm patiently. “It's okay,” he says again, kissing the side of your face. After a moment, he encourages your head back with a hand on your cheek, checking your expression carefully before leaning in for a kiss. His hair tickles your forehead. 

To your relief, it doesn't make you nervous. He probably never could, not when he's touching you so softly. 

You're feeling a hundred times better when you pull away. A tad mortified still, but relieved to know your struggle with talking about it isn't a turn off. If he can stick with you through this bump in the road, you can try, at least, to overcome it. 

“Is lube really thirty two dollars?” you ask in a whisper. 

“I don't know. I've never needed it.” 

He spends the next ten minutes laughing and apologising sincerely as steam pours out of your ears. 

[kingofbodyrolls]

For this rainbow, I finally picked up my professional camera again. The last images stored there tells me that the last time I used it was the 1st of December 2023. Wild. But I picked it up thanks to this pretty rainbow, which was actually a double rainbow. So pretty. This image is made up of three into a panorama shot, and Lightroom was a bit funky with putting them together, so please don't mind the badly processed house in the middle; no, we're not looking at that 😂

For people who want a wall of text status update, it's under the cut.

How are you all doing? I'm hanging in there. Not active much, but I still haven't gotten myself into deleting my tumblr app. So I still see and get all your notifs, even if I don't reply right away! I'm still taking time off, trying to figure out what I want to do with the blog for the future... I have not written a fanfic in some time now, but I have two finished stories that are ready to be published, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things these days... I've had dark days, written a lot of sad and dark poems (that will go on my sub blog some time in the future), and I've begun to write an original story. It's really fun; about magic, witches and mages; about good and evil and all the gray in between. It will probably bore you, but it's fun to write, even though I don't think anyone would read it except for a few friends (even though this thing might be the longest thing I'll write, turning into either two or three books lol).

Serotonin boost I get happy when I get notifs with comments and/or reblogs of my stories; it really touches my heart. To be honest, this is why I left/taking time off. I've always felt that interaction was low, and my stupid brain will not let me stop comparing myself to others, so it slowly killed my drive for writing and posting. If no one interacts, what's the point of posting? If no one interacts, what's the point of writing? But I love writing, and it's one of my creative outlets, so I couldn't let that go completely, hence I started writing original stories instead; no ones gonna read them anyway, but I can still play with characters, world building and storytelling. Those are the things I loved about fanfics---and I still do, don't get me wrong. But I feel so discouraged being on here. But I'm happy to know that a few people still care.

The Downfall This also made it quite hard for me to read; because I felt so unmotivated... I haven't read much this month at all. I tried to read a fanfic this Monday, didn't finish it and haven't picked it up since. Honestly, I've just been watching documentaries because I'm in a (tumblr) slump. I feel drained though; I feel like I've given so much, and I love it. I love making people happy, leaving lovely reviews, and it's as much for myself as it is for making another person happy---but to be honest, it has drained me. I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, but I feel imbalanced. Like I'm not being filled with much love, if that makes sense? I don't really feel appreciated, but don't get me wrong, I don't feel hated (yeah, I'm so good at being black and white), sorry---I know I sound very pessimistic. But you guess have always been so kind to me, and I love you a lot, and I have a few super lovely mutuals and friends that are lovely internet friends that I adore, so I wanted to be real with all of you. You can hate me for it if you want to. Go ahead.

I don't think I'm going to make a recommend list this month. I haven't really read anything, so it'll be really small. And I don't like the pressure of it anymore... which is why for a long time I've thought about not doing them anymore. Maybe some day I will again in the future. But I'd still love to make rec list on the member's birthdays! And I think this will help me, take some pressure off myself (that I've created myself), so I'll still read and rec, it will just be slower---whenever I feel like it, and not because I have to read to make a monthly rec list. This isn't my job, I'm not getting paid doing all of this, and the amount of time I've been spending on both reading and writing is more than 37+ hours a week, sooo. I have to slow down.

A part of me thinks that I flew too fast, too high and too close to the sun, lol. I'm still gonna be here, you can still send in asks for rec list or whatever you want, all is welcome (except hate, because then I'll simply just delete my blog, my mental health can't take that).

To post, or not to post? Should I post the two stories that I have? Both of them are for the series Friendcation.

And for the unfinished mermaid stories I still have left, I hope I'll finish them in the future; when, I don't know. Maybe one day I'll feel love for them again, to finish them. I have them all planned out, but like I mentioned before, with low interaction, I'm really not motivated to finish them, even though part of me really want to for the like five people that are so sweet and invested, and always comments and reblogs (you guys know who you are, and I love you so fucking much 🥰).

To all the stories I'll probably never write...

I still have some other unfinished but planned stories, and I'm gonna list them here, just for the hell of it. Don't know if people would have found them interesting anyway, but here goes:

Words on a Page (a Namjoon x reader, idol!au where reader is a fanfiction writer and interviewer for a magazine and has to interview BTS). Author's comment: probably never gonna write it. It has been done before, and it was just a very very silly dream I had.

Songs of The Heart (a Jimin x reader, musician!au where Jimin is a single father and reader moves into the house next to his, hear his lonely songs etc, they meet, talk, very angsty, sad and nostalgic and 'Who' coded). Author's comment: this idea came to me after listening to 'who' and then thinking about Jimin being my next door neighbor, yeah, that's it. Don't know if this will ever get written.

IT Support (a Jimin x reader, office!au where Jimin is your nerdy coworker, but a freak in the sheets, lol). Author's comment: this has honestly been on my list for years, but I never written anything for it, and I probably never will, even though I've made the banner and all.

I do have a few more, but I've already scraped those, and then there's the four mermaid stories to add to the list. I'm probably mostly excited about the mermaid stories, and those would be my priority if I ever get back into writing fanfiction again.

I swear, I'm almost finished... Okay, this whole thing has gotten incredibly long. Sorry. Before I end this post, I just want to say how happy and grateful I am to each and everyone of you. I've met some incredible nice people on here, some really caring ones. I'll never forget that. And I'll never forget each wonderful and lovely comment, some people have really helped me, motivated me when I felt low, and when I wanted to stop writing a few months back. Thank you. I kept going, and I wish I could keep going for you, making something special, for the special people I met here. I actually really wanted to do requests for you guys in hopes that it would motivate me into writing, but I just don't know. I still want to give so much back to the people who have hyped me up, so I'm going to tag a few of you lovely people--- if you have a request for a story, you're welcome to message me or send me an ask. I don't know if or when I'll write it, but in case I get a bit of motivation, I have some things I could write from, so if you want to, you can send me a request (just keep in mind the story will probably be a one-shot from 10-20k max or maybe shorter, lol, you never know with me). You don't have to send me a request, I simply want to give back to some lovely people. I wish I could hug you.

@letjungcoook7 @honeybloomyyyy @babystarcandyjk97 @minpdrecs @bobathi @allie-is-a-panda @back2bluesidex @gimeow @antisocial-mochi267

These are but just a few of the people that have supported me on there, either by commenting, reblogging, ask, messaging--you name it. I could list many others, and one day I might make a post celebrating all mt lovely mutuals, that means a lot to me. Thank you for interacting; you've (as long with others) helped me when times were tough. Thank you.

I had actually planned to open a "recommend a fic" section/box, but I'm not sure about that. I still have so many fics on my to read list, and right now I don't want to pile more onto it. Might do it in the future, when I've finally made it through my own lists.

Okay, I have to end this post for real now.

I'm still on tumblr, I still have my app. I deleted my discord app on my phone, but I'm still part of the servers I was before, I'm just not active. It's better for me that way right now, because it all got to be too much. I was just reminded of how much of a failure I feel like (no, we're not getting into that not, store it away). But you can always contact me here. I'm lurking sometimes. I look forward to reading in a more leisurely pace and hopefully not feeling pressured to make the rec lists as I did before (even though just for the completionist in me I want to finish them for just this year, lol).

Okay. If you read this far---thank you, I adore you, I love you, you're nice, keep going 💜

[darkkitty1208]

on fic writing and fandom: where am i going forward?

So. It's a bloody dull Friday and I'm writing this post--have been meaning to, for a while--because I can't stop thinking about it. It's just a few (a lot, actually) thoughts I've had in my mind the past few days that I've decided to spill into a single post, which turned out far longer than it needed to be, but nothing too important. Under the cut.

I've been a fanfic writer for a while now. Not a long time by any means, but a while nonetheless. My first fic--which is now orphaned like a few of its brothers for undisclosed reasons, though if you're an og you might be able to guess why--was dated back to the 18th of November 2021. 3 years later and I've got a humble 89 works and counting (the orphaned works and unposted wips unincluded). I can safely say I've improved quite a lot since then.

Where are you going with this, then, Kitty? Surely you aren't here just to brag about your writing progress?

Well. Not exactly. But I'll start with this: I guess what I'm trying to say is I've lost the spark.

You know. The old feeling. That boost of serotonin you get after you finish a piece you're proud of, or when you get lovely reviews on ao3, or when you get a kudos email, or a new mutual, or some wild tags under your silly post. The spark. I haven't felt it in a long time, now. The last time it's been so palpable was... I'm not sure. Probably last year's October. That was a lot of fun. I was most prolific in fic writing, that year. It shouldn't feel like a long time ago. Because it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong. I love all this. All that's going on right now. The comments I'm getting--even if fewer than I had before--and all the other interactions, I appreciate and enjoy and love them so, so much. And writing my newer fic projects are well exciting. But it just isn't the same anymore. I'm afraid it never will be.

(Maybe it has something to do with the lack of interactions lately. Maybe? I don't really know, either. I'm sure we're all well aware the fandom is past its peak, and with the current developments in the MCU I am frankly unsurprised, but I dunno.)

I guess that's part of the reason I've been less active lately. I've been inactive as a whole this year, admittedly, and disappearing far too often for far too long (and I notice some of my friends are, too). I just didn't get the same joy from being in a fandom like I had when I first started this blog, or my ao3 account.

In hindsight, I've probably been a little too dependent on fandom to provide me serotonin. The past few years have been hard, the years before that, too. Life just keeps kicking me in the arse time and time again. I guess I've been using fandom and fic writing as a coping mechanism, and once I've had my fill, the joy dies off to something a little more dull. Like a gum I've been chewing for too long that the sweetness has since worn off.

Honestly? I don't want it to be this way. I want to live without being so dependent on my presence online. I want to live without only knowing joy through internet interactions. I've got to learn to. It sounds silly, but it's true. (I think I may be slightly chronically online, oh no. x'D)

So naturally my first instinct is to distance myself a little. I contemplated quitting, but I can't do that. I don't see myself ever doing that, no matter how many times my brain convinces me that I might.

When this year started, I had set some goals for writing. One of them was to write for more whumptober prompts than I did last year or complete them all. I did like 21 prompts or something last year. Of 31. Within a little more than a month. While still balancing all the life stuff I had going on. This is, if not obvious, an extremely ambitious goal. I am not insane. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't possibly do that now, can I? Not with all the stuff that's been happening.

...

Can I?

...

Yeah, no. Definitely not.

See, that's another thing: writing. Probably the thing I'm trying to get at in this post but otherwise derailed completely from. Fuck my brain.

I'm sure many of you have noticed that I've been writing significantly less. I still post, obviously, but not as much as like, last year when the number of works I had went from a few to far too much. That had helped me improve quite a lot, actually, but those days I barely slept because I just insisted to replace my sleep time with Writing Shit For The Gays. It was pretty unhealthy now that I look back at it. My sleep schedule is still shit now but, yk. Some things just never change.

I was really, really caught up on wanting to be good at writing. Like, really good. I wanted to make awesome things. I wanted to write like a real fucking pro. Like all the more popular fandom authors I look up to. I want to be like the big dogs in fandom. It sounds so silly. I did everything; sprinting daily, setting a minimum of 500 words writing sessions every day, trying new writing styles, churning out works after works, writing for prompts and events and gifts and the like. I was enjoying it, yes, but was it really something I did for myself? Or was it because I wanted to please other people or impress other people for their validation, which is something I'm entirely too dependent of? Was it for the numbers?

Well. It was more for that than for me, I realised a little too late.

So yeah. Fuck wanting to be good. I want to write for the hell of it. I want to write something that's for me. Not what the majority of the fandom or other people want to read, but for me. Which is why I absolutely loved writing works like just a matter of time, how to kill a god, or how to become a god, because they're not meant for other people but myself. (Ironically that last work is a gift but, yk. I still liked it.) I know I joke about self-projecting a lot, but it's been seriously helping me rediscover the joy of writing that doesn't come from the incessant need to be good or perfect or focus on producing more and more and more. It makes me feel like a kid again. Also, I'm only realising this now but I'd rather get like 5 people who enjoy reading my works so much and express them to me rather than 100 people who silently thumbs up at me and then go away to consume another fic or demand more. (All this to say I still love interactions, it just shouldn't be my no. 1 priority to get them when writing fanfics.)

But yeah. None of those works are perfect. They're not meant to be. But they're mine. They're me. They represent me. And it's so, so great to feel that in writing. I've been so stuck up on being some sort of content machine. I'm doing this for myself, how could I forget? I've been saying this since the beginning, I don't know why I'm still struggling to do it. God. It's ridiculous.

Anyway. That's that. This has become a very long ramble. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. And for letting me waste your time, if you make it to the end of this post.

[lady-severus-snape]

Sub head cannon post #9 from headcannon #19

Severus being a big old teddy bear. The moment you earn his trust, friendship, and love, there is no one more loyal and protective than him. To the point that you can't even carry a single grocery bag.

🌠y/n was excited to attend yule ball at Hogwarts. Grandma Minnie had invited you to attend since she hasn't seen you after your mom moved to the U.S.

🌠Showing up a few days early to surprise her.

Y/N: surprise!

Minerva: my word! Y/n! When did you get here?

Y/n: just flew in. There was room for an earlier time so I took it.

Minerva introduces y/n to everyone on staff bar Severus.

Y/n: who is that grandma?

Minerva: that is Severus Snape, potions master and Dark arts master. He is......a character.

Y/n: grouchy. He is cute though.

🌠Y/n going out of their way greeting Severus at every turn.

Y/n: Good morning Severus, breakfast is off the chain today! Them waffles are scrumpdiddlyumcious.

Y/n: hi Severus! I got us coffee, it's too people-y out today.

Y/n: have a good night Severus. Don't party too hard.

🌠Severus was annoyed as hell. Y/n was an irritating little chit. Did they not understand that he didn't want to interact with them?! Everytime he turned around y/n was right there. Being all happy, cheerful, kind, and... and....and....nice. They made really good coffee.

🌠Severus begrudgingly looking foward to seeing and talking to Y/N. They never pried into his life, or demand anything.......it was refreshing to say the least. They had a broad level of knowledge as well, from the latest potions guild article to some obscure arithmacy formula that was the 'bomb diggety' for maintaining room temperatures. Anything they were not knowledgeable on, they would sit and listen to him drawl on about it.

🌠y/n could be seen walking along side Severus in the corridors whenever possible (when they weren't spending time with grandma). The students tripped over themselves as Y/N wheezed laughed at whatever Professor Snape said.

🌠Severus smirked and felt the wall around his heart melt as Y/N was crying, laughing at the dry witty statement he made. The staff at hogwarts looking out the windows to see if the sky was falling. The first time Severus used one of Y/N slang lingo, the students thought he was possessed. Hearing y/n picking his lingo made for rumors that they 'switched' bodies.

🌠y/n sneezed several times, their arms became full of potion vials. Green for allergies, lavender for boosting the immune system (winters in Scotland are rough), fever reducer, pepper up (you looked at little pale to him), sinus decongestant, mild pain potion (he noticed you were stiff)

🌠Severus and Y/N being attached at the hip whenever he wasn't teaching class. Y/N would go hang out with him in the lab. Even if they didn't talk, severus brewed and y/n doing whatever they brought with them. Yesterday was a muggle book about the effects of maladaptive daydreaming and Autism. Severus had dibs on reading it after y/n was done.

🌠next came touches. The two always softly bumped each other with a shoulder shove. That moved to lingering touches, and lead the biggest event of all.....a hug. A truly sincere, heart warming, serotonin boosting hug.

🌠Severus and y/n became best friends, closer than even Lily was to Severus before the fallout. He talked about the major events that formed his life and the soft ones he adored. Y/N sat patiently listened, not an ounce of judgement in their eyes. When Severus showed them the faded Dark Mark, y/n caressed it and placed a small kiss on it.

Y/n: I'm happy you survived and I get to have you in my life. We can't change the past and I wish you never had to go through what you did, but if it meant that's why you're here talking to me. Im happy.

🌠Severus unable to hold it anymore crushed y/N to him and cried. Heart wrenching soul cleansing crying. Y/N hugged him back just as hard as if they were each other's life line. And they were.

🌠they were each other's date to Yule. Dancing to almost every song even after the ball ended. They got so drunk in his quarters that Severus woke wearing a bunny suit and y/n was dressed as moose. With a hangover from hell.

🌠when y/n had to return to the U.S. severus literally went through withdrawal. Rude, irritable, snarky, snappish, sadness, patience size of a mustard seed, restlessness, you name it. Gryffindor was in the negative, hufflepuff lost 3/4 of all their house points, Ravenclaw was almost in the negative, slytherin lost HALF of their collective points.

🌠Minerva firecalling her grandchild to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE visit the grounds before Severus demolished the castle! Y/N acquiring the new rage 'wizarding wireless' and showing Severus how to use it. They called, texted, and/or face timed everyday.

🌠y/n answered Severus's phone call in a teary, sniffling mess. Severus without warning shows up at Y/N living room. Y/N bawling their eyes out to him because they are going through a manic low and that bitch Becky from work said 'you're so fucking weird, and that's why no one liked them'

🌠Needless to say Y/N had to crawl on top of Severus like a spider monkey just to keep him from leaving to go murder Becky. The next shift Becky said not one word and scurried around you. Weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@wandering-avian I hope I did justice to your idea. 💚💚 enjoy.

[comingdownwithme]

Hello!! You, your (amazing) artwork and your headcannons have single-handedly gotten me back into the Creepypasta fandom, I cannot describe the reaction I had to seeing your artwork but everything you draw just feels so good to look at? I’m not explaining this very well, but your art style is so pleasing to my eyes, there’s just something about the shading, the lines and the way you capture emotions/expressions it’s just; chef’s kiss (I had a question I promise lol)

What made you draw Toby and Jeff as a ship/what are some past/future headcannons that you have for them? Or just in general if you want to use this as an excuse to ramble about them go for it, anything you say about them I will listen!

Secondly, what is your general headcannon for the rest of the Creepypasta’s? Also it might be because I’ve been out of the loop for a few years but I didn’t really realise there were ex-proxies now, if it’s something you’ve come up with for your story that is insanely cool to read about (anything involving the like, political(?) state of the proxies is fascinating to me).

This has gone on longer than I thought it would, many apologies! I hope you’re having a good day!

I'm?? So honored that my art and headcanons have influenced you?? Skjdjd IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART AND MY CONTENT, REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME AND ADDS A FEW MORE YEARS TO MY LIFE SPAN LMAO

As for what got me to drawing Ticcijeff, honestly? It started out as simply drawing the two characters I liked when I was a kid back at the archaic era of 2015 Youtube interacting, then it kinda... it snowballed from there– 😭

They both make me happy individually, so I figured bringing them both together would give me twice the serotonin (which did tbh) alongside the parallels of them both being reborn through fire, and my growing interest in these two were only enabled further by the few good Ticcijeff fanfics on AO3 lmao

As for headcanons? I'm just gonna,,, link some posts abt my dynamics for them and their lore and background so far because if I wrote all my thoughts abt them here we'd be here all day. (though there's absolutely more to come)

About their Childhood friendship

Another post about their childhood friendship! (Featuring the two's dynamic, Jeff's intrusive thoughts, and some additional background info on Jeff)

About Jeff and Toby meeting years later

What happened following the previous post

As for general headcanons for the creepypastas? Their world is a little bit more fucked than our own. Strict rules are set by authorities, there's a tight curfew in place for the safety of people, and death and missing persons cases have become common enough in recent times that it's become a morbid part of normal life.

Unbeknownst to the lay person though, the killers and criminals roaming the night aren't the worst one could encounter. There are incomprehensible- even malevolent horrors that defy the rules of the universe, that cross the boundaries of logic and reason, and even the dead won't stay dead for long in this world. In a twisted universe plagued by death and unknown creatures, even the scum of humanity have to carve a place out for themselves and survive.

Soooo uh, yeah, that's a gist of it lmao, but I'm gonna dump some specific headcanons too for the creeps, especially for each characters like I did here for the girls and here for Jack and Ben eventually!

Also, as someone who's been out of the loop for years (I just joined the fandom officially this year, the only social media site I had back in 2015 was YouTube 😭) I HAD??? NO IDEA EX PROXIES WERE A THING WHICH IS HELLA INTERESTING

I'm definitely gonna write down and flesh out the proxies and their relationship with the Slenderman, but thaaatssss for another time 👉👉

[playertwotails]

did u write the baby tails post yet? id love to read it

Here you go, my de-aged/time switched feral baby Tails idea so hold your hat cause it's a long one under the cut. Also forgive me and my nonsense, I am not a writer.

Just to set some ground rules on my take on baby Tails so we're all on the same page. First of all I always imagine Tail and Sonic meeting when Tails was 3/4 and Sonic 10/11 (both are homeless kids best they can do is guesstimate ages and roll with it). And our little guy Tails, is the sweet, kind, caring Tails we all know and love. BUT as a baby all of that was buried under the weight of being abandoned, harassed, hurt, half/fully starved and bullied starting from maybe basically birth if not shortly after. So baby Tails is just the most FERAL of little guys. He WILL bite, claw, kick, pull fur/feathers/whatever they got and do whatever it takes if he feels cornered and threatened by someone. And yes he has his inventions even at that young age to protect him somewhat, but he's still a baby and can only build them out of the scraps he finds, so they are little flimsy and get destroyed easily by said bullies fairly often. So bitey time's are aplenty for baby Tails.

Now luckily when Sonic meet Tails one of their first interactions was him saving Tails from bullies so he started out a few steps on the less feral side of Tails. Not that Sonic doesn't/never saw this side of Tails, it just never got it directed at him unless he startled Tails or was calming Tails down when something else brought out that side. I also like to think that Sonic and Tails were together about a year before Eggman ever even found out about Tails. So by the time Eggman and their other friends meet Tails, the feral side of Tails has been pretty much put to rest as, through Sonic's help, Tails doesn't need to rely on that 'cornered feral rabies filled racoon' fight instinct anymore. The Tails they first meet relies more on his inventions, smarts, and how Sonic taught him to fight.

SO getting to the bread and butter of all this.

Sonic, Tails and Co. are fighting Eggman or maybe another villain per their usual shtick. And when they go to hit Sonic with their "ultimate weapon" it ends up a whole whoopsi daisies situation and hits Tails instead. Now readers choice on if this de-ages Tails or switched older Tails with younger Tails, but result is the same either way. The smoke clears, Tails is still there, to everyone's short lived relief, but there is now a much smaller scruggly looking Tails in that spot

(Now another thought I had just for ultimate angst potential for either scenario of scruffy baby Tails, is that baby Tails has the starved figure, scars, cuts, bruises, matted/patchy fur he had on what ever day he de-aged to/switched with)

The villain then dips cause plan has gone sideways and Sonic and crew are now just left with a tiny little baby Tails. (and the crew I imagine is Amy, Knuckles, Shadow, and Rouge - maybe Blaze, Silver, Tangle and Whisper too just to make it a really party if you want)

I think before even Sonic can react though Amy is the first to make it to baby Tails. Now I love Amy to death but bless her heart she has a tendency to get tunnel vision sometimes (big mood). So before she registers that baby Tails is a bit more ruff around the edges than she's used to, she just sees a cute little tiny baby Tails and immediately goes for the hug cause Tails is adorable on his own but tiny Tails is serotonin directly injected into your veins and her being a whole mood cannot physically stop herself from going for a hug. Plus they've met a younger Tails before so she thinks it's a similar situation so free hugs all around. (Sidenote - I'm just gonna call baby Tail BT for the rest of this cause it long)

Unfortunately BT only registers 'person coming at them fast and getting close' and just uses his reaction to bite Amy all the while hissing and growling like a feral cat in an alleyway.

Immediately everyone is taken aback (except for Sonic) cause that's not a very Tails thing for Tails to do especially to friends even if he's scared.

(And another side note here cause lord forbid my thought process stays cohesive for five minutes - but I see baby Tails being either a Tails that has met Sonic but only has been with him for maybe 2-3 weeks if even that long, so he recognizes Sonic but doesn't really trust him yet. Or for even more 'oh this is sad' it is a little Tails before he met even Sonic, so everyone is starting at the -100 trust line with the feral fluff ball. (i'm moving forward with this with the 'BT knows Sonic but no trust between them' one cause older brother Sonic is my weakness and BT being cute and clingy will not leave my brain))

So BT gets startled at everyone being startled and moves to take off to go hide in a hole somewhere cause "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE" (if you get the reference let me know) and everyone then makes a move to catch him. Now BT is on fight/flight instincts only and does not even register Sonic. Plus Sonic does not look like the one he knows so he doesn't even recognize him in this state, just is trying to peace the fuck out of there and get to safety. And with everyone now after him BT then proceeds to go into FULL FERAL MODE on all of them.

He is clawing at them, biting everyone, hissing and spitting while making a B-line for what he thinks is an exit. With everyone still being shocked, not wanting to hurt him and with BT being more slippery than grease on pig, they are STRUGGLING. He is giving then the runaround. They're are now all getting more injured than they did in the fight that caused this. All their abilities are doing nothing in helping them catch Tails. BT is that one scene of Jack Jack from the Incredibles levels of fucking them up and he can't even shape shift. He managed to rip off one of Shadows skates, bite through Knuckles gloves, scratch up Rogue and set off her bombs (she threw them all away from her before they exploded), Amy's hands and arms are COVERED in bit marks, and he went for Sonic's shins with deadly accurate kicks (Sonic would be proud if it didn't hurt so much). They all just look like they got into a fight with a wood-chipper and miserably lost but nope it's all just a scared toddler that can and will fuck someone up.

It's only when Sonic shouts "MILES!!!!" at Tails that he finally stops (maybe Tails isn't being called Tails yet at that time so Sonic has to say his name or maybe it's just big brother/parent mode voice gets through to him). BT stops his frantic exit relay race but will not let anyone close and is still straight up growling at everyone. So now they're all just standing in a lose circle around BT not wanting to take their eyes off him but all desperately sending mental vibes to Sonic to take care of this cause what the fuck has gotten into Tails.

Cue soft big brother Sonic stepping up to bat and everyone watches him try and coax a tiny scraggly Tails, that looks 3 seconds from trying to bolt again, to get closer to Sonic and calm down. He does succeed after about 10 mins and gets BT to let him get close enough to look over his injuries. And they watch Sonic look over BT's injuries with the softest of big brother looks but when he's got BT turned around to check his back Sonic gets just a flash of anger but resigned look on his face. Cause Sonic knows those injuries and they weren't from the beam BT got hit with. (He'd forgotten how bad they were due to time and also being so young when they first met but now he's even more pissed off and sad about it) - Meanwhile people on West Side Island "why do I suddenly hear Kellin Quinn singing??"

So from there the crew moves out with BT almost glued to Sonic's side cause he's scared of everyone. Sonic has to fly them all back cause BT is too little to reach the pedals of the plane (to the surprise of a few of their friends cause they either forgot/didn't know Sonic could fly a plane also idk how to fly a plane but my imaginary one has pedals now). Finally they get back to a safe area, Tail's workshop, and the other's stick close but outside so they don't overwhelm BT while Sonic spends time cleaning/feeding/treating BT's injuries and put him to bed.

Once Sonic's got the little orange terror to go to sleep he gets everyone rounded up to talk about this and figure out how to fix it. But not before they all grill him for info cause what the fuck has gotten into Tails, they thought it was just the beam at first that caused BT to act like that but Sonic knew what to do so that theory jumped out the window. Cue Sonic giving them the watered down version of his memories of feral baby Tails, cause a lot of it ain't their business in his mind but they also need to know enough to not trigger BT into going full feral scared mode on them.

Even with what they know is the more sanitized version of events Sonic gives them everyone is shocked to find out this was actually how Tails was as a little baby toddler guy when Sonic first found him. Cause they all know how sweet Tails is. The difference is night and day. They are all also immediately mentally planning murder. (- Meanwhile people on Westside Island again "why do I hear Tyler Smyth now???? wtf??")

They all just get sad and angry cause who could hurt Tails (exceptions being made to this rule for Eggman and the rest of their circle of villains cause villains gonna villain).

I imagine Amy just starts crying cause she's upset that, that happened to Tails. But also she about to bust out that hammer and hunt some people down.

Knuckles is upset and suddenly feels really guilty about some of those early days fights he used to get into with Sonic and Tails when they all first met. But also recalling some small moments where a hint of this came out when he first met Tails but never to the extent he had seen earlier that day.

Rogue already kinda knew about it cause..spy, but not the full extent. Her info was coming from second hand sources that tried to hide the fact that they were so cruel to one of the only people who can/has stopped Eggman. She already got names and faces and she's about to get a bunch of new stuff when she robs all of them blind. And she's also planning on taking Omega with her, let him cause some chaos, blow up a few thing for fun-sies.

Shadow about to march up stairs, pick up BT, tell Sonic "this is mine now" and march out with a new brother. Also pay a little visit to Westside Island with Rogue cause he knew that face she made, she already has names and he wants in. Tails just reminds him so much of Maria and BT got Shadows 'thought to be long gone' protective brother instincts kicking into overdrive now.

The rest of this goes down with all of them just spoiling the hell outta BT, getting told stories from BT about his life and it just being one of the saddest things they ever have heard ever, and figuring out how to fix it by hunting down whoever did it to MAKE them fix it.

Bonus points: They also get to see how destructive BT is with weapons and learn:

1) why Sonic ban Tails from making some types of weapons.

2) that Sonic actually has the patience of a saint for a little destructive BT

3) Tails is way more down to murder than they had previously thought

Anyways hope you enjoyed my rambles. Long busy week so sorry if it's a little all over the place. It was a long post but it's also been a while since I posted.

[despairforme]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

[ Oh man this post got long (and surprisingly serious) fjfjfjffjjf I wrote this 2 days ahead of time because I was so excited about it ahahaha --- I'm wishing you all a wonderful 2024!!!!!

2023 was a year of surprising development for me. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, or if I'm simply moving into a different mindset. I loved this year! It was awesome, and I'm so happy to see that I've written MORE for Nnoitra this year than I did in 2022 ( even though my overall word-count went down from 290 000 to 280 000 ). I can't say I completed many of my goals ( or any of them LOL ). I had lots of goals for 2023, but I was unable to complete them. The past few months, especially, have brought forth big changes in my creative flow and focus.

I've realized that I need to change my priorities, to better fit my new mindset.

Roleplaying is no longer going to be my main focus. In the past, whenever I've wanted to write, I've always focused on finishing drafts, asks ect. I've mostly written on here, since that's what I prefer. Or, rather - what I used to prefer. This is not to say I don't have muse for Nnoitra, because I always feel inspired for him. What's changed are my priorities. I've come to the conclusion that what's important to me is creating stories. Since Nnoitra's story ( main verse ) has become so stagnant, it feels less important to me. I know I can drive the story on, push it forward and thus find it important once more, but - I don't want to do that. I want to create my own, original stories instead. Becoming a professional writer has always been my dream, and that's simply not possible to do when I'm prioritizing rping. Roleplaying is going to have to take the backseat.

--- That being said, I'm absolutely not quitting! I can't imagine myself not writing for Nnoitra, so I'll be writing on here like before, and I'll even try to be more consistent. An enemy of mine in 2023 has been procrastination. One of my goals for 2024 is to conquer this, so that I can be more efficient with my time. I think that by dedicating less time to roleplay, I'll be more efficient when I do sit down and write for my muses. My activity the past few months have been spotty, so I'd love to get into a better flow.

2024 GOALS:

FOCUS ON PERSONAL PROJECTS. I have a lot of them. Two (three?) book projects, two long OC-centered fanfictions.

WRITE FANDOM PROJECTS. I have a lot of ideas for fanfictions, and I want to make the time to write them. Some are long, some are short. Getting feedback on my stories has always been a great feeling, and fanfiction is the best way to get that serotonin.

CHANGE MY WRITING HABITS. My habits are bad. They lead to a ton of procrastination and wasted time. I want to be more structured when it comes to my writing time (and my time in general, but especially my writing time). I want to stick to schedules, word-count goals, page goals ect. Conquering procrastination is going to be key.

CONSISTENT RP POSTING. Even though I won't be focusing on roleplaying, I still intend to do it regularly and get replies and asks out in a more timely manner. I'll probably set off some time in the evening to get replies done, and have some fun on the dash when others are online. I'll try to be consistent across my blogs, not just on Nnoitra.

CREATE THINGS THAT ARE PHYSICAL. I've come to realize that I love things that translate to the real world. Not just words on a screen, or a digital artwork, but things that you can touch. It's why I've absolutely fallen in love with watercolor painting. I'm going to try to print some of my writing work so that I have physical copies. I'm also going to print my art so that I can hold it in real life.

FIND A SHIP FOR NNOITRA. It's been so long since I wrote a ship for him, and I need it back in my life. I've been looking for a ship for him the whole time, but I need to put more effort in, and let him interact with more characters, as well as continue to develop the relationships he does have ( in case one of them turns romantic? ). I'd love for 2024 to be the year Nnoitra falls in love again.

I am SUPER excited for 2024! I love new years and fresh starts, and I feel so incredibly inspired by the changes in my mindset. I feel like I've been stuck for a good while with rping. Don't get me wrong, I've loved every second of it, and I've learnt so much about writing - and met the most amazing people. It's just that it's time for a change. Time for me to create other kinds of stories. I thought that things were aligned for me to write books last year, but I really didn't have the right mindset - but now I do! I'm hyped!! Hope you're ALL going to have the most amazing 2024 guys!! ]

[kanonavi]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @hua-fei-hua, thank you much <3

~

How many fics do you have on AO3?

30, currently. I've had a few more in the past that I've since orphaned, and most of my stuff from old fandoms is archive-locked, but that's the total number.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

142,199

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just Genshin Impact, though I've had a couple ideas for other fandoms that get to stay in the ideas box because I'm simply too busy for them. In the past the fandoms I've written most substantially for were Noragami, BSD, and Persona 5, and there are a few other random ones in there too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

When Suikou Met a Little Bird (Genshin) - 287

The Nighttime Routine (BSD) - 257

The Petrus Will Taste Less Bitter (BSD) - 252

We'll Talk the Stars Down from the Sky and I'll Not Forget the Chaos in Your Eyes (Genshin) - 217

This Wine Pairs Best With Your Love (BSD) - 187

Considering that I'm not really attached to BSD anymore, it makes me so happy that one of my xiaoven fics has actually managed to top this list. (Also, another one of my xv fics, A Brief Respite from Lantern's Light, is a close 6th with 183 kudos, so if anyone wants to go drop a few kudos on it to get it back in the top 5........... jkjk lolol)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to not respond to comments because I was shy and was never really brought up in fandom to know how to interact with other community members without feeling awkward. But now I try to respond to every comment I get, because I know I always get serotonin when authors reply to my comments, so I'd like to hope that I can give that feeling back to others.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The only fic I've ever written that had MCD was a BNHA fic I wrote based on the song Ghost Rule by Deco*27, so I'd say that one (but please don't go read it that fic is so old agh). I prefer happy endings, so I don't write stuff like that very much.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics don't have particularly high stakes imo, so it's a little hard to compare in this regard. If I interpret this as the most hopeful ending though, I'd say either Disambiguation, the Persona 5 fic I wrote for the 2020 Goro Big Bang, or The Petrus Will Taste Less Bitter.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no. I've gotten a couple of comments that offered unwanted constructive criticism or sort of pedantic corrections, and there was one person who commented on the collab fic I'm writing asking my co-author when she would update another one of her fics, which sucked. Largely though, people have been very kind about my fics, which means the world to me <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written smut before, but only for fun so none of it has ever been posted. I do hope to write some in the future though, so I'll leave what it's about as a surprise ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I'm not a big fan of crossovers, so I've never written one. I have written a fusion au of BSD and Persona though, which was pretty fun.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, I've never hit it that big lol

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I'm currently co-writing Talk the Stars with my lovely friend Miki, and I do also have a BNHA crack fic writing roulette that I wrote with a group of fandom friends waaaaay back in the day.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

There hasn't been a ship of mine that I would say has proved itself entirely timeless yet, but as of now my favorite ship is still xiaoven (Xiao/Venti) from Genshin Impact. If we ask AO3 though my most written for ship is still (unfortunately) soukoku (Osamu Dazai/Chuuya Nakahara) from BSD.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My only current wip is Talk the Stars, and I want to remain optimistic about it, so take my entire box of ideas that I want to write but may never get to instead!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been complimented on my characterization in the past, which is always an incredible honor!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing- Joking, I'm joking! I feel like I've always struggled with the minute descriptions that go between dialogue. Like I'm good at dialogue and I can describe things fine when no one's talking, but I can struggle with the little movements and facial expressions that go between.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't mind single words or little phrases, I know I've attempted (to a questionable amount of success tbh) to use German pet names in Venti's dialogue, but they never really sound right, probably because I don't speak German and don't understand proper usage. The one place I really object is where people will write entire sentences in a foreign language in the fic and then not provide a translation even in the author's note, which I have encountered and is quite annoying.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first fic on AO3 was a little one-shot for Kagerou Daze!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Call it recency bias, but my newest fic, A Mora for the Bard, Held Between Your Lips, is one of the best things I've ever posted imo. I put a lot into it, and I think the end product speaks to that. I don't think it'll be my favorite forever, of course, but for now it holds a special place in my heart

~

Tagging: @radellama, @stardustdiiving, @morkiiimoo, @mango-jpeg, @ghostofdiamonds

[sculptural-renaissance]

SGU Week Day 4 (Yes, 4!!): Favorite Ship

This is my new OTP. Idk exactly what it is, but buddy, I will take my serotonin from wherever I can get it these days.

Just kidding, I know exactly why I enjoy this. Most of it is that I just really, really like Amanda (don't hate me; despite what my memes may lead you to believe, I am not a Rush Enjoyer, because I know he would make me cry every day if I had to interact with him lmao), but OH MY GOD am I a sucker for The Grumpy One Is Soft for the Sunshine One. I love seeing them feel so safe and comfortable together. I love the ease of their interactions. I don't think anyone cares about spoilers at this point, but good Lord, she almost killed him and he wasn't even mad 😂

I NEVER enjoy canon ships because they feel like forced hetero nonsense. Another reason I enjoy this pairing so much is that to me, a demisexual, it feels very much like a demisexual love story. Think about it. Falling for your best friend, pining for the same guy for years... that's not unique to us, but it's definitely part of the demisexual experience (I'm not a piner, but most demis I meet seem to be). Im aware that they were originally supposed to sleep together in Sabotage, but, again as a demi, I'm glad they ended up taking a different route. I don't enjoy seeing characters who barely know each other hooking up, not because I'm prudish, but because I have no investment in the characters. This... We had to work for this. 🥰

In searching for other fan content, I've discovered that Rush and Amanda aren't a well-liked pairing (go figure, I like a canon ship and it's one no one likes lmaooooooo). I've found that I see this pairing quite differently from its critics; to me, it felt very female-focused. Yes, Amanda clearly only exists to be The Main Guy's love interest, but I found that, apart from the fridging, the ship was very much focused on her desires. She was not a thing to be pursued. She had agency and took initiative. She felt like a whole person to me, not just a pretty doll.

I also enjoyed the hell out of the awkwardness. I don't get secondhand embarrassment. I get the opposite of that. I LIVE for cringe. fr what even was this scene???

"So, you wanna make out or something?"

"Yes, obviously, I fist bumped you. That's pretty much 1st base."

God what a fucking dork

"No, 3rd base is not when a man rolls up his sleeve so you can see his forearms."

I drew them~ They're gonna hold hands bang >:] As you can see from the date, I drew this last year, very shortly after watching Seizure for the first time (I colored it yesterday, though, for this). I liked this pairing right away, and honestly, I was hoping Rush would pay Amanda a visit on earth via the stones after Sabotage. I'm not exactly thrilled that the writers chose to go for two double-fridgings, but the computer ghost thing creates a lot of possibilities for fanfic. I'd also like to have seen them interacting on earth before the Icarus mission.

As a final thought, I also love seeing someone who has been so deeply hurt learning to love again. I'm so disappointed SGU didn't get more seasons, because this would have been interesting to explore further with Rush and Amanda as a proper couple once she got off her bullshit and accepted that he did love her oh my God Mandy he killed that guy for you don't stand there and try to tell him he doesn't love you godddddddddddddd

Anyway, here are some of my favorite meme comics I've made. ^^

They were close friends for years. You cannot convince me that she didn't know exactly what he was like, nor can you convince me that she doesn't love it. 😉

"I'm not codependent! I'm obsessed with you a normal amount!"

In my experience, the key to a successful relationship is to find your person, and then you just annoy the shit out of each other for the rest of your lives (consensually, of course).

I also fully believe that there is no way on God's green earth that Rush would ever willingly watch a Syfy Channel original movie.

He does like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid... Through shitposting with friends, it has become "canon" that Bonanza is one of like, 3 TV shows Rush actually watches. The other two are Nova and House. Amanda, who watched a lot of classic sitcoms with her grandparents as a child with no social life, is unfortunately not a fan of westerns.

That's okay. He can fix her. 🤎

I have an ongoing series (up to 5 parts now) where Rush Definitely Understands the Trolley Problem. This is the first one.

I should really post those here.

She knows his secret >:]

Jim-jams

Also this takes place in the future so they're married now shut up let me have this they're cute

God what a lightweight

That's okay nothing's gonna stop her from getting white girl wasted on Brody's moonshine #YOLO

This was inspired by a fun exchange I had with a friend. It's "canon" in my comics and in progress fic that Amanda watched Wormhole X-treme to prepare for working at the SGC (she is so normal), and read whatever mission reports she had clearance for when she wasn't doing Mega Serious Spaceship Work.

If Rush can bully her into watching cowboy shows, she can bully him right back into watching space shows. This will backfire spectacularly. 😂

[catgirlsmousetoy]

Wait what's your special interest

Yes I am aware I'm signing myself up for the infodump and I am here for it

ok don't laugh but on god it's drugs

I love little historical fun facts about them(molly having always been covered by uk drug law as all drugs with that base ring structure are restricted even if they don't exist yet- though the law was later updated to include molly specifically, bicycle day, etc)

I love hearing about how they effect different brains differently (shroomies tend to crank my adhd thought racing up to 11(in a good way) while they let my ocd friends have a quiet brain for awhile, how stimulants are useful for treating adhd, etc)

I love learning about how they work in your body and how they interact with other drugs(molly releases a lot of serotonin in your brain and you should take a lengthy tolerance break before taking anything else that also releases serotonin directly, while shroomies and lucy just act on your serotonin receptors and won't share the same cross tolerance. You shouldn't take any serotonin releasing drug if you're on an ssri since your brain can't take care of all the extra free floating serotonin afterwards and you run the risk of serotonin syndrome. If you drink while on stimulants they tend to mask each other's effects and when one starts to wear off you will be Too Fucked Up™️)

I love reading trip reports. It's really nice seeing people talk about how they were able to work through their mental issues or how they gained a new appreciation for their life and their loved ones. And Tails From the Trip is like The Magnus Archives to me

I love reagent testing and all the funny little colors they make

I haven't been able to sit down and read a book in years but I'm thinking about picking up a copy of PiHKAL , I think I might actually be able to focus on it

Did you know that serotonin is a precursor for melatonin and so messing w that system too much can really mess w your circadian rhythm? And 5htp is the precursor for serotonin so if you are running low you can supplement with that for a bit, though you'll also have to take egcg (green tea extract) to inhibit the enzyme in your gut that turns 5htp into serotonin since 5htp can cross the blood brain barrier but serotonin cannot.

Tumblr please don't ban me this is for educational purposes only and I totally live in Colorado or wherever

[the-chattering-tower]

For Lore asks!

I need you to tell me things about Shio and Krasna because I read "gay roadtrip" and every serotonin receptor in my brain engaged- do they have any experiences in their travels together that had that 'terrible at the time, but they laugh about it later' vibe to them?

Because I also have a circus performer named Starling (He's a Knife thrower!) I'd like to know more about yours!- Did they always want to be a dancer? Is his talent with magic from something he'd rather forget, or are they simply just reluctant to discuss it with people that don't know them particularly well-even their family among the circus?

This got long, so I'm gonna pop it under a read more!

Krasna and Shio my beloveds

Oh, absolutely! The most notable instance being randomly running into Vortex only a week or two after Shio had decided to start behaving himself. Vortex is a bounty hunter, travelling along the Molten Scar and adjacent territories picking up suitable jobs, and they have spent years on and off in the same town that Shio is from. Except they haven't visited in a few years and as a result have Completely Missed the whole thing about Shio becoming Too Much Of A Problem and Getting Yeeten

Meaning Vortex is very enthusiastic about running into "little Shio :)" randomly! It's like meeting an aunt you haven't seen in like seven years - they maybe remember what used to be your Favourite Thing when you were a kid and mostly guess right which of your siblings is the eldest, but also they only really ask about how school is going (you graduated three years ago) and if you've got a girlfriend yet. This is not at all dispelled by the fact that Vortex is covered in spikes and carries weapons neither of the gays could hope to lift. Vortex asks how things are back home, what fun journey Shio must be having this far out, and also immediately jokes about whether Krasna is Shio's boyfriend. And Shio freezes bc this is already Unexpected and he has No Script For This. Charisma gone. Gay crush called out. Oh shit oh fuck

Krasna tries his best to conduct the interaction in the moments Shio needs to get his shit together, but Krasna's way of doing that is Be Friendly and Nod Along, which according to Shio only makes things Worse and More Awakward. In the moment it's a whole lot of fumbling and digging themselves deeper into social holes to be witnessed by someone who used to give Shio mediocre candy when he was still a hatchling

Later on it does become an anecdote to laugh about though, especially for Krasna who loves to retell it and watch Shio's mortification

*

Oh! Fellow circus Starling haver! That's a fun coincidence :D

Starling is so old in terms of how long I've had them for, how long ago I wrote his bio, that I have Absolutely No Clue where 2019 me was going with the whole magic secrecy thing. So, time to reinvent it! And answer two questions in the process at once

Starling did not always wanna be a dancer, no. Once upon a time, he was a very promising student in a very prestigious magic academy. It's what they were told they were good at from a very young age, and it was true. They were on a path to greatness, according to the adults watching over him

Until one day Starling realised that it's not what he Wants. A friend had dragged them out of studying to join them at a local harpy festival for the evening, and from then it was all downhill for Starling, as far as their tutors were concerned anyway. He found joy outside of the academy walls, in ribbons and music and dance, in entertainment and laughs and quick flings

They didn't run away with the circus, no. They unenrolled, paid their tuition, set out on their own. The joy he had found mattered but he wanted to be somewhere without the shadow of the academy looming right over it

Back when they were still a new addition to the circus, the refusal to talk about where he learned magic from was indeed because he hoped to just…forget. They had worked hard to become a dancer, to hone their art, they had put a lot of love and joy into it. They worried that upon learning about his education, others would focus in on that, ignore his "lesser" accomplishment of pursuing dance and instead mourn the lost, prospective academic career. Today, it's still the reason they don't disclose it to strangers and to new additions to the circus right away, though now less driven by fear and self-consciousness and more by just not wanting to deal with it, thank you very much

Also, it's funny. A dancer with mysteriously acquired magic powers, don't tell anyone that said mysterious acquisition involved a lot of all-nighters and takeout

He had spent years refusing to do much more than basic magic around others for the same reasons. They still don't do it much, not the most powerful or complicated stuff anyway, but they don't constrain themself too hard. They've made peace with it, accepted that their knowledge does still matter, can still be useful and a point of pride without overwhelming. Only then did he start incorporating magic into his dance

[h1myname1sv]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Thank you for tagging me @forloveofcodywan!!

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

70

2.) What’s your ao3 word count?

430,621

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

MCU (mostly Loki and Daredevil, though I do branch out quite a bit), Star Wars (mainly the Prequels and Clone Wars), BBC Merlin...I believe those are my main fandoms currently. I am definitely not the type of writer to stick to one.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Four out of Five - One of my first DD fics when I was still trying to figure out how to write Matt, so I was very unsure about posting it and I genuinely do not know how it got so many kudos. Basically 4 times Matt does things without sight, and 1 time he absolutely can't. Lots of Matt and Avengers interactions.

Merlin's Beard! - Merlin and Arthur interrupt the final battle at Hogwarts and very casually save the day. Everyone is very confused, but they just go along with it because hey, Voldy's dead. Most definitely crack taken seriously.

Life Asked Death - The last fic in my Three of Us Against the World series! Gamora, Loki, and Nebula are actually really caring siblings, and they defeat Thanos and save the world together.

Not the Last Dragonlord - I just wanted to write a scenario in which Balinor survived, and he and Merlin get to figure out how to be father and son together. My first ever Merlin fic, too!

The World Will Pay - The first fic in my Three of Us Against the World series! We get to see how the three of them meet and get to know one another in Nebula's POV. Honestly, one of my favorite fics out of all the ones I've written.

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course! They give me serotonin, and I want to give some serotonin back :)

6.) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Reasonable Expectation of Deception - One of my Whumptober 2023 fics, with Thor and Loki wrapped up in an Infinity War AU. I don't want to give spoilers, exactly, but the Major Character Death tag is definitely there for a reason.

7.) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

we're inches apart (and even closer at heart) - Matt/Nat is actually adorable and THEY GET MARRIED!!! :D

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I think I've gotten one or two comments, but they're so insignificant I don't really remember them.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nope. I don't believe I'm capable of it LOL

10.) Do you write cross overs? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't usually write cross overs, but I have written a few. For example, the aforementioned Merlin x Harry Potter crossover.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so.

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No. Writing is mostly a solitary enterprise for me, but if you have a really really really good fic idea then I would theoretically be willing to cowrite a fic with you.

14.) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Do I have to choose??? Codywan or Matt/Nat, maybe. (I feel like we should come up with a ship name for them. I've seen several, but no general consensus.)

15.) What’s a WIP you’d like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have no published WIPs because I always want to finish what I've started, but I have had a draft of The Curse sitting on my computer for quite a while. If you were wondering, it is indeed about a curse. Very creative working title, I know.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

Writing distinct POVs for different characters, probably. I do try my very best.

16.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot and action scenes. Sometimes, I don't know how to connect all the separate ideas I have in my head.

17.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's nice, as long as it's not so overdone that you might as well have written the whole fic in that language. I admire the people who can do it accurately.

18.) First fandom you wrote for?

Criminal Minds

19.) Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I don't have ONE favorite (you can probably tell that I'm the indecisive type). I've already mentioned The World Will Pay, but I also really like Falling, which is from the same series, but written in Loki's POV. Halfway to Heaven was my Whumptober 2022 fic about a powerless Matt Murdock who still manages to go toe to toe with Fisk; Faith is a Dooku character study and sort of redemption fic. Basically, I just like all the ones that feel like I gave justice to my favorite characters, because I think all fics are kind of like love letters to our favorite characters, and we want to get it right. This may be ironic, because I tend to hurt my favorite characters, but let's not look too deeply at that.

No pressure tags: @mari--lace @sinivalkoista @peppersonironi and anyone else who'd like to join in!

[lucifersincentivetosleep]

I've been speed running the events on Lonely Devil on my side account for the past two days and while not all of them are great or sometimes even very fun I've found them to usually just be a good way to pass the time or get in a little serotonin after the mayhem that was ch 10-12 of Nightbringer.

AND THEN I GOT TO THE ANGELIC EVENT

Salty incoherent rant thoughts below, dni if you're just going to get mad at me for disliking this event. Thank

Now look, look;

I don't hate the idea of them dressing up as angels and acting more like they did as angels, I've seen them like that in the main story and it was fine.

This was not that.

I came in expecting a good time and instead I got a whole lot of very distressed and scared demons who had their autonomy taken from them while a gift from someone they trusted and cared for forcibly changed their mental state to the point they were actually not themselves anymore.

And I really didn't like a lot of the dialogue choices given. All of these boys are my best friends, hell they're like little brothers to me. So when I didn't really get the option to comfort them and validate their feelings I got rightfully upset. I'm immensely glad there wasn't any option to get romantic with them, though the way they were acting kinda implied they wouldn't have gone along with it anyway. Edit: there are actually options that allow you to get varying levels of romantic with everyone except Lucifer(I know he tries to flirt with us while testing how much of an effect the bangle has on him but honestly that was very unromantic to me because of how quickly it became uncomfortable for him)and I'm not sure how to feel about that since all the boys that allow it are in altered mental states. Being able to kiss Asmo felt very uncomfy to me(and not because I'm only romantically inclined toward Lucifer).

Honestly I feel like the most sincere interaction I had with any of them was when I had the one on one talk with Lucifer, and I'm not just saying that because he's my husband.

You don't get to show me a Mammon so distressed with his situation that he'd try to cut off his clothes with a scissors, and a Levi so scared he literally tells us he's shaking in fear and then only give me the option to be a right bastard or be insensitive with good intentions. And Satan. Listen, you know a situation is fucked up when someone tells you they're afraid to be calm. Beel and Asmo were honestly the only ones who didn't seem too bothered and Belphie was... he seemed the least distressed by the bangles affects once they'd activated but before then he was angry. And yet the game expects me to just be perfectly fine going along with the party preparations while my chosen family is distressed and under a spell that should honestly be called a curse.

Sure.

I'm also not happy with Dia or Simeon but I'm not going to get into my feelings around that because this event made me mad enough already so I don't want to start any discourse around how mind altering bangles are absolutely a political situation that you can't just laugh off.

I will however say that this event is a really good look at just how different angel's are from what we usually see in Luke and Simeon, though that honestly just made me even less enthused.

Doesn't help the event ended while everyone was still under the spell's effect, so yeah, not an event I liked.

Replaying this so I could make my list accurate for all the boy's interactions hasn't changed how I feel about the event, but I did find out that choosing options that just go along with everything like none of it's bothering mc at all gets you more positive reactions the more the boys are under the affects of the bangles. They're justifiably upset with MC acting like none of this is an issue before the bangles take affect though, which I appreciate but choosing those options means you don't see how the boys actually feel(Levi doesn't admit to being terrified, for instance)which I have conflicting feelings about.

[safyresky]

Girl, problem is I'd c o n s u m e your answers to legit. All of these, but I'll try to be abstemious!

Imma go with:

💖 what made you start writing?

❌ what is a trope you will never write?

🤲 would you please share a snippet of a wip? (I'm greedy)

🤩 who is your favourite character to write?

TY 💕

K, your vocabulary is so NICE I learn a new word from you like, every other day. Abstemious. That's one HELL of a WORD, I LOVE IT. Anyway, questions! Answers! Yeah!

💖 what made you start writing?

Man, I got so sick and tired of not seeing the story I wanted to see I went fuck it, I'm going to write the story I want to read! And, well, here we are lmao 🤷🏻‍♀️ (sometimes u just see too much bman and not enough redemption arcs with funky little villains and u jus. u snap, u know?)

❌ what is a trope you will never write?

Does miscommunication count as a trope? If so, that. Unless it is wildly funny. But catch my characters making sure to COMMUNICATE bc I ingrained that shit in my me and over mY PILE OF ASHES will ANY of these magibeigns be doing some DUMB SHIT that can easily be avoided by a QUICK CHAT. Unless it is wildly, wildly funny >:)

Oh, and love triangles. I'll pass on ever writing one of those 🙃🙃

🤲 would you please share a snippet of a wip?

You're greedy, and I thrive on praise and will HAPPILY spill wips for some serotonin!! let me see if there's something I haven't shared yet 🤔🤔🤔 OH! FROSTMAS! I haven't cracked open Y11 in a while, let's see what I've got for you!

Winter was silent. She frowned sadly at her hands, trying to collect her thoughts. “There were a lot of factors to take into consideration,” she began, looking thoughtful. “We weren’t sure how you’d react, for starters.” 

“We?” 

Winter nodded. “Your Father and I both felt as though something was off. And even after I confirmed that it was fake, we were still a little bit on edge.”  

“Seriously? Dad knew too?” 

“Well, we do talk, you know. And both of us care about you, Jacqueline,” Winter said, standing up now, hands on her hips. “So of course we started keeping as close an eye on you as we possibly could, without overstepping our boundaries, or crossing yours. I’m afraid that the last time we did that, it didn’t end well for either of us. Or you.” 

“But that was Jack!” I protested. “I’m not Jack!” I said, with as much conviction as I possibly could given that the moment I said that, my stupid iced up brain reminded me of all the silly stunts I had pulled recently that Jack would 100% do. I thought back to the bag heist and grimaced (internally).  

Honestly, I think I'm going to have to rewrite this whole first portion lol, there's something about it that isn't quite sitting right with me, and I can't quite place it so. I WILL REWRITE ALL OF IT TO FIGURE IT OUT

🤩 who is your favourite character to write?

my god. they're all so fun it's unreal, but I think lately it's been Fino and Fiera. They've just been surprising me a LOT these last few chapters (see: Fiera charging at Jacqueline through the treeline and getting her ass handed to her in 6 seconds flat) and it has been DELIGHTFUL. I know they're two characters but like, HEAR ME OUT. THEY'RE BOTH FUN TO WRITE. THEY'RE BOTH UNPREDICTABLE ON EITHER SIDE OF A SCALE. I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOUR

Twin Princes have been kinda a blast recently, too! I've been like. Writing snippets of their interactions and I'm just so fascinated by their entire relationship and how it deteriorated to the point where civil war, ya know?

Apparently the mood lately is just TWINS lol.

[omegapheromone]

I've been sweating miserably all day for multiple reasons (mostly humid warm weather that is tolerable when outside bc wind but as soon as I get indoors it's miserable bc my entire body flushes all warm and I start sweating, but ALSO pre-heat most likely) it's been so bad it's even been dripping from my HAIR all day, and I would have stayed home if I could, but I needed to run a sudden errand in town at a short notice and so I decided to get a few other errands out of the way in one go.

I've had a really interesting day though. Somehow my omega instincts were awakened when I had this brief interaction with a very helpful child at the store when I was looking for some cold drinks and snacks, because normally I'm quite neutral about children and don't feel an urge to take care of them beyond what any normal person would feel, but I guess today my brain just decided to start producing stupid amounts of serotonin from just... because a small child, maybe 8 years old at most, super polite and well-mannered, helped me find a thing that had been moved to another shelf when I was looking for it at the store, when THE KID noticed I was looking around a bit confused where the thing used to be.

Now I'm finally home though, back in my nest but with a few really tasty cold drinks that are currently helping me cool down, and I'm still thinking about that nice kid at the store, it just brightened my day very unexpectedly