#angybatboi

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcannon #19

Give me a non traditional Severus.

🌠Severus having a hoarding problem from his father spending his coin on liquor. (Doesn't throw anything away)

🌠severus not showering for days because he has to pep talk himself into fully undressing to do it.

🌠suffers from bulimia and bouts of anorexia because of the SA in hogwarts (and probably under Voldemort, too)

🌠recovering from addiction of heroin and morphine. They were his only escape when spying placed him in high stress situations, not being able to confide in ANYONE. Plus it numbed the pain and guilt of facing Lily's death everyday.

🌠Severus secretly loves the feel of women's clothes. They are soft. They provide him with solace and peace when he wears a woman's care bears pajama set. (He also has tons of stuffies. He cuddles with a different one each night)

🌠Severus reading muggle romance novels, he imagines himself as either the giver and or reciever.

🌠Severus being a super picky eater.

🌠Severus being cold, like ALL the time even in the dead of heat in the summer.

🌠Severus being a big old teddy bear. The moment you earn his trust, friendship, and love, there is no one more loyal and protective than him. To the point that you can't even carry a single grocery bag.

[lady-severus-snape]

I love all my fuzzy little bat butts 💚💚💚🦇🦇

hello beloveds ☺️

[lady-severus-snape]

Random headcannon #987

Severus is a feminist and a champion to one he decides to love.

In the U.S. alone close to an estimated 6 million women suffer from PCOS (myself included) , this does not include those that have not been diagnosed.

****************************

Severus would absolutely be appalled and down right foaming at the mouth when he finds his woman curled up on the bathroom floor crying from pain.

Severus (Concerned, bends down to help you): Darling, what is the matter? Are you hurt? Talk to me?

Y/N (whimpering and writhing in pain): yea, I'm OK. A cyst probably burst. I already took the maximum dose of acetaminophen for today. So hopefully it will take the edge off.

Severus (worried about you): what? What do you mean a cyst has ruptured?! Where?! Max dosage? Woman, that's about 2000mg!

Y/N (grunts and pants through the wave of pain): An ovarian cyst probably burst, and/or I'm having severe menstrual cramps. Yea, short of prescription pain killers, that's what I have on hand. Don't worry I made sure to eat so it doesn't fuck me up more.

Severus could only listen in horror. His woman looked and sounded like she was dying, and all she explained was that a cyst, an ovarian cyst at that exploded internally, and she said was it's was ok?!

Severus: Lovey, we need to get you to the hospital. (Helps Y/N into the room)

Y/N: no, that's OK. They won't do anything. The most they will do is maybe a scan, blood work, and maybe ibuprofen before sending me home with instructions to rest, use a heating pad, and more Tylenol. It's not worth the cost of the visit. I'll fine Sev, honest. Not the first time it's happened and won't be the last.

Severus (mouth dropped open, aghast): what?! What. Do. You. Mean. They. Won't. Do. Anything. You're literally agonizing in pain. They have to do something, they just can't dismiss your problems. It's happened before? When? Why? How?

Y/N (Climbs into bed and curls up): Severus, baby, I hate to break it to you, the medical community don't give a shit about us women. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. There is no cure and only like 4-5 medicinal options to manage the symptoms. It took me nearly 20 years to recieve a diagnosis. Dr's called me crazy, depressed, hallucinating, that everything was normal.

Severus felt white hot anger course through his veins. His Y/N was in clear pain, distress, and who knows what else. The muggle doctors failed to help his love.

Severus asked y/n many questions in regards to it until he saw she was nodding off to sleep, the pain finally retracting enough. His mind was already running with possible potion ideas. He needed more information. He walked over to the small library y/n had built over time and pulled every book she had on PCOS. By the 3rd book it was obvious to him, that the information was repeating/recycling itself:

-hormonal problem -uncontrollable weight gain -excess body and facial hair(all the depilatory supplies made more sense) -female patterned hair loss(it explained why she always wore her hair up and always with a hat or scarf) -depression -super heavy and painful menstrual cycles or lack of one -cysts developing not just internally but also outwardly -infertility -high insulin levels

Treatments: hormone contraceptives, metformin or other type 2 diabetic medications, spironolactone or other hair growth inhibiting medications, losing weight, and excersize.

Severus peaked into the bedroom when he heard y/n whimper in her sleep. Another cramp of pain was hitting. His grip on the book tightened until it started to smoke and smolder from his magic, acting to his emotions. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he weighed his options. He would have to delve into extensive research. What good was his potions mastery if he didn't utilize it. The rest of the weekend was spent with him taking care of y/n through what seemed to him a very hard and agonizing menstrual cycle.

^food in bed ^long soaks in the bathtub with his own personal muscle relaxant ^snacks and chocolate galore ^pampering of every kind you could think of

Once y/n was right as rain, Severus consumed research like a man possessed. Muggle medical reports, studies, and pharmaceuticals. Hell, he even researched for it in the magical world. Boy, was he sorely disappointed. If he thought muggle medicine was lack luster in regards to PCOS, then the magical community was left in the dust! Nothing, zip, zero, nada was found in correlation to PCOS. There is nothing to even address the barest of symptoms! Severus had never been so....so......so......horrified! Armed with rage, spitefulness, and indignation on behalf of y/n, Severus plunges into the world of the unknown for PCOS. Experimental potions safe for muggle use, others for the witches. Thankfully, he has some basis from when he modified the wolfsbane potion. As his research progressed, he discovered that the magical birth rates were low due to not only the inbreeding for blood purity, but in actuality, PCOS was also common amongst the magical woman folk. This led him down another rabbit hole that played on genetics.

After many failed results, Severus managed to find the right combination for y/n. It wasn't a cure by any means of the imagination, but it was far cry from the plebian options offered. His elixir, taken consistently, would lower the excess androgen levels and keep the cortisol level low. It worked better than the aforementioned muggle drugs. He still had problems finding a solution to the whole ovulating problem without causing severe side effects worse than the muggle drugs, but by the gods, he was working on it. Y/N's hair was already growing back fuller, thicker, healthier. Even the beard and mustache she let herself grow out for the sake of research (and laziness. Why should she worry about her beard if it didn't bother Severus. If anything, he was slightly jelly at how glorious hers was; it wasn't fair) had begun to thin out, practically patchy in some spots. But most importantly, to Severus, seeing the how y/n flourished, the femininity of her unrestrained from the dismorphia caused by PCOS. Free from the debilitating pain and suffering. It was breath taking, it made everything he had done worth it to see his love and hopefully the rest of the women population heard and seen.

[lady-severus-snape]

Random thought of the day.

I can't totally see Severus being a closet fan of Lana del Rey. You can't change my mind.

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcanon #6

Severus would be an adorable flustered man when he receives a just because gift from Y/N.

It's a bound book of a boudoir photo session. He would open it before slamming it shut. In the privacy of his rooms, he peeks at the photos. His fingers tracing the contours on paper. The book contains both muggle still lifes, and wizarding photos.

When y/n does the particular wink from page 15, severus just about implodes.

[lady-severus-snape]

Severus: WHO DARES THREATEN MY LOVELY STARLIGHT?! [Proceeds to sniff you out for injuries, turning you this way and that way]

Y/N: I'm just a baby....[tears up and sniffles] they are being meanie pants.

[Severus picks y/n up and cradles them. Patting their back and cooing at them while plotting how to use the ones responsible as potion ingredients ]

[The culprits clutching their 'pearls' as they feel someone walking on their grave.....they-they were already dead....]

lets out a single agonized bloodcurdling scream but doesnt elaborate on why and just walks it off

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcanon #27

Severus would get muggle tattoos to cover up the mistake of his youth. He meets Y/N afterward, taking a dive he decided he was interested enough to date them. After a long time of dating (4 months), y/n sees severus with his sleeved rolled up. Y/n is practically vibrating with energy one day.

Severus *exasperated*: Y/N would you please sit still for one moment? Did you get into those muggle energy drinks again?

Y/N *squirming in their seat next to Severus*:.....noooooo.......can I ask you something before I go crazy?

Severus *teasingly*: crazy? I have thought we already reached that point in time. But yes you may ask me something. *he wraps an arm around you*

Y/N *rolled their eyes and swatted Severus lightly before settling*: can I color in your tattoos?!

Severus eyes widen at the request before they soften at Y/N. Despite the time from the Wizarding war he still had hang ups about the dark mark that laid under the cover work. Y/N never probed more than he was willing to say.

Severus: you silly love. Of course you can.

Y/N squee'd and hopped up to go get markers. And ran back to their spot. Y/N grabbed his arm and proceeded with full focus on coloring in the blank areas of Severus tattoos. Every evening Y/N sat with Severus on the couch while he read and colored his tattoos in, severus even kept the colored ink until it faded.

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcannon #4

Severus getting turned into a teal colored niffler

🌠he is a chaotic little cro-err niffler.

🌠doesn't just take shinies because of his high IQ as a human.

🌠y/n cares for him after he gets caught in a trap. He is named Kiwi after you find him demolishing an entire jar of your dried kiwi slices (little shit ate all of them, the stinker 💚)

🌠Kiwi impressing you with his skills of not only finding good shinies, but with potion ingredients and helps you avoid dark cursed items and traps.

🌠y/n gets cornered by Umbridge when they visit Grandma minnie. Kiwi hops out of his little pocket cozy and bites Umbridges ankle. Once safe back in your pocket you notice him turn into a sickly baby barf green.

🌠"Oh Kiwi....let's get you examined. For all we know the bitch gave you rabies. Who knows where SHE has been" y/n cuddled him and plopped a kiss on his head. He went rigid and turned into a weird pinky red color, steam coming out of his wittle cute ears.

🌠Severus had no idea what happened. One minute, he was walking down the street. The next, he was running in circles blindly, squeaking before picking a direction and running with it.

🌠Severus getting caught in the trap and rescued by Y/N.

🌠severus having the urge to hoard pretty shinies and then sharing them with Y/N. He had no idea who you were, but you made the best dried kiwi slices!!!

🌠Severus instinctively knew you needed potion ingredients re stocked. He would lead you to the best patch for harvesting (still didn't know how he did it.)

🌠After a death eater almost got you with a cursed dagger, he honed his skill and could now effectively pick up on even the smallest traces of dark magic and curses.

🌠When Umbridge cornered you in the corridor, Severus did what he a little niffler could do, turned into an ankle biter. He would give anything for some toothpaste and the gold muggle mouthwash afterwards. But you were safe.

🌠Severus feeling himself grow hot after y/n landed a kiss on him, in a dramatic plomb of smoke (glitter and all) he was in your arms.

🌠Y/N shocked at having the 'missing' potions master as a pet, made for a hearty chuckle. Y/N bear hugged him.

🌠the friendship grew, Severus retained some the attributes. He still would swipe the pretty shinies and left them in random spots for y/n to find. Kiwi stuck as his nickname so y/n never stopped calling him that. Y/n also always kept dried kiwi on them at all times.(It made it easier to bribe Severus to do things he didn't want to. No he didn't want to have tea with Albus fucking Dumbledore.......fine he would do it for 10 kiwi slices)

🌠sometimes Severus would transform himself back into a niffler just so he could hitch a ride with Y/N and escape Albus.

[lady-severus-snape]

Sub head cannon post #9 from headcannon #19

Severus being a big old teddy bear. The moment you earn his trust, friendship, and love, there is no one more loyal and protective than him. To the point that you can't even carry a single grocery bag.

🌠y/n was excited to attend yule ball at Hogwarts. Grandma Minnie had invited you to attend since she hasn't seen you after your mom moved to the U.S.

🌠Showing up a few days early to surprise her.

Y/N: surprise!

Minerva: my word! Y/n! When did you get here?

Y/n: just flew in. There was room for an earlier time so I took it.

Minerva introduces y/n to everyone on staff bar Severus.

Y/n: who is that grandma?

Minerva: that is Severus Snape, potions master and Dark arts master. He is......a character.

Y/n: grouchy. He is cute though.

🌠Y/n going out of their way greeting Severus at every turn.

Y/n: Good morning Severus, breakfast is off the chain today! Them waffles are scrumpdiddlyumcious.

Y/n: hi Severus! I got us coffee, it's too people-y out today.

Y/n: have a good night Severus. Don't party too hard.

🌠Severus was annoyed as hell. Y/n was an irritating little chit. Did they not understand that he didn't want to interact with them?! Everytime he turned around y/n was right there. Being all happy, cheerful, kind, and... and....and....nice. They made really good coffee.

🌠Severus begrudgingly looking foward to seeing and talking to Y/N. They never pried into his life, or demand anything.......it was refreshing to say the least. They had a broad level of knowledge as well, from the latest potions guild article to some obscure arithmacy formula that was the 'bomb diggety' for maintaining room temperatures. Anything they were not knowledgeable on, they would sit and listen to him drawl on about it.

🌠y/n could be seen walking along side Severus in the corridors whenever possible (when they weren't spending time with grandma). The students tripped over themselves as Y/N wheezed laughed at whatever Professor Snape said.

🌠Severus smirked and felt the wall around his heart melt as Y/N was crying, laughing at the dry witty statement he made. The staff at hogwarts looking out the windows to see if the sky was falling. The first time Severus used one of Y/N slang lingo, the students thought he was possessed. Hearing y/n picking his lingo made for rumors that they 'switched' bodies.

🌠y/n sneezed several times, their arms became full of potion vials. Green for allergies, lavender for boosting the immune system (winters in Scotland are rough), fever reducer, pepper up (you looked at little pale to him), sinus decongestant, mild pain potion (he noticed you were stiff)

🌠Severus and Y/N being attached at the hip whenever he wasn't teaching class. Y/N would go hang out with him in the lab. Even if they didn't talk, severus brewed and y/n doing whatever they brought with them. Yesterday was a muggle book about the effects of maladaptive daydreaming and Autism. Severus had dibs on reading it after y/n was done.

🌠next came touches. The two always softly bumped each other with a shoulder shove. That moved to lingering touches, and lead the biggest event of all.....a hug. A truly sincere, heart warming, serotonin boosting hug.

🌠Severus and y/n became best friends, closer than even Lily was to Severus before the fallout. He talked about the major events that formed his life and the soft ones he adored. Y/N sat patiently listened, not an ounce of judgement in their eyes. When Severus showed them the faded Dark Mark, y/n caressed it and placed a small kiss on it.

Y/n: I'm happy you survived and I get to have you in my life. We can't change the past and I wish you never had to go through what you did, but if it meant that's why you're here talking to me. Im happy.

🌠Severus unable to hold it anymore crushed y/N to him and cried. Heart wrenching soul cleansing crying. Y/N hugged him back just as hard as if they were each other's life line. And they were.

🌠they were each other's date to Yule. Dancing to almost every song even after the ball ended. They got so drunk in his quarters that Severus woke wearing a bunny suit and y/n was dressed as moose. With a hangover from hell.

🌠when y/n had to return to the U.S. severus literally went through withdrawal. Rude, irritable, snarky, snappish, sadness, patience size of a mustard seed, restlessness, you name it. Gryffindor was in the negative, hufflepuff lost 3/4 of all their house points, Ravenclaw was almost in the negative, slytherin lost HALF of their collective points.

🌠Minerva firecalling her grandchild to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE visit the grounds before Severus demolished the castle! Y/N acquiring the new rage 'wizarding wireless' and showing Severus how to use it. They called, texted, and/or face timed everyday.

🌠y/n answered Severus's phone call in a teary, sniffling mess. Severus without warning shows up at Y/N living room. Y/N bawling their eyes out to him because they are going through a manic low and that bitch Becky from work said 'you're so fucking weird, and that's why no one liked them'

🌠Needless to say Y/N had to crawl on top of Severus like a spider monkey just to keep him from leaving to go murder Becky. The next shift Becky said not one word and scurried around you. Weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@wandering-avian I hope I did justice to your idea. 💚💚 enjoy.

[lady-severus-snape]

My soul will leave my body, and not even bothering to close the door is what will happen.

Imagine meeting him IRL ...

(*nervously swallowing*) 😳

art by:

https://twitter.com/qIKgYownOdCmYLd

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcannon #55

Severus ends up making friends with the giant squid in Black Lake.

🌠damn Potter as his crew, severus grumbled as he stalked out of the castle. The sun was high in the sky with a gentle breeze.

🌠Severus suddenly found himself zooming through the air and was dropped into the lake. Said group of aforementioned students were laughing at Severus's 'plight'.

🌠Severus barely had the chance to squeak and take a breath before he plummeted into the water. The force at which he dropped caused him to dive deep into the lake.

🌠calming his flailing, Severus blinked his eyes in the abyss, coming face to face with a giant black eye. A scream lodged in his through before dying as he realized it was a squid, specifically THE giant squid of hogwarts.

🌠Calming his heart he realized his were beginning to burn, looking around he noticed just how deep he was. No way would break to the surface in time.

🌠Waving at the giant squid (whom cutely waved back one it's smaller tentacles), Severus made the motion of up. The squid understood his request and gently wrapped a much broader tentacle around him.

🌠in the next moment Severus is coughing out water, sucking in gulps of precious air as the students and teachers gape in surprise.

🌠the squid (Mr. Squid as dubbed by him) carried Severus down to the edge and deposited him on land. Mr. Squid to the surprise of everyone, patted Severus on his head and returned to the deep part of the lake.

🌠Every Thursday, Severus brought a basket full of mussels, clams, shrimp, or whatever he found in the kitchens, fed them to Mr. Squid.

🌠During the nice weather in a more remote part of the lake Mr. Squid would cradle Severus and rock him as he were it's child.

🌠If anyone bothered Seveus, Mr. Squid would use them as target practice. Sirius learned rather quickly squid ink was nearly impossible to remove.

🌠As an adult, Severus would seek the comfort of Mr. Squid whenever his teaching/spying duties were too much. Even in the dead of the coldest night of winter. Severus would enter the lake, immediately greeted by Mr. Squid, cradled, comforted, and soothed.

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcannon #5 (sevxfemale...i think I made it vague enough aside from the obvious she pronouns)

Severus is a supportive bf who let's you practice on him during your cosmetologist training. He uses his knowledge to create potions that are compatible with the chemicals you use. He got the idea after noticing you get a chemical burn on your hand because the gloves were crappy quality and tore during a hair bleach appointment.

🌠it was summer break and Severus was walking down the street. A sneer on his face from having to do what he currently was enroute too. The potion experiment he was working on went awry, leading him to have wonky hair. Couldn't fix it with potions or magic. After a week of trying he begrudgingly caves in to get it cut at a muggle hair salon.

🌠He searched for the cheapest place and found the academy about 20 min from his current place. (There was no way in hell he was going to shell out almost 3 galleons worth of muggle money for a damn hair cut)

🌠walking in, he tells the receptionist that he was there for a haircut. The receptionist chirped that it would be discounted due to the students being on the clinical floor for that day. (Severus is happy that it would be cheaper than he originally expected. How much more could a student botch it than it already was)

🌠the receptionist has him sit in the waiting area and pulls the name from the list. It was y/n turn for a live haircut.

🌠y/n was at their clinical station working on a faux curly perm when they here the receptionist call their name for a service ticket.

🌠y/n walks out from the side clinic and sets up their station for the haircut. Once satisfied y/n walks up to the waiting area "Severus Snape" they call. "Hello sir, I am y/n. I will be your hair dresser for today. Follow me"

🌠severus looked up from the pocket book he brought with him to read while he waited. Looking up at his name being called, his breath stuttered at the person before him. Standard height, sun-kissed skin, dark hair braided, dark eyes, curvy built. He could only nod and follow y/n to the station.

🌠y/n adjusts the stylist chair so he faces the mirror. "OK, what are we doing today for a hair cut? Are we evening it only or going for a style all together?" After a bit of back and forth, semi irritating him, severus gave y/n creative freedom as long as he didn't look worse and it was maintenance free.

🌠y/n combed her fingers through his hair letting it cascade down naturally. Noticing the the heaviness on the strands, not oil per say but definitely something. "May I wash your hair? Its complimentary and totally optional. I can feel a heaviness to it, not oil or grease" she hurriedly assured. "I need to see how it falls without whatever build up is in it"

🌠Severus felt embarassment crawl up his throat before he ruthlessly squandered it. Y/n had yet to express disgust at the condition of his hair and had not stopped carding though it.

🌠nodding his consen, y/n escorts him to the sink and has him lean back in the seat. Grabbing a clarifying shampoo with a light moisture one, y/n went down town on getting rid of the build up.

🌠Severus was in heaven, y/n had the right amount of nails and pressure against his scalp. He had to several times bite his tongue to keep himself from moaning. Y/n started by his temples with rubbing little circles, slowly and thoroughly working the clarifying product it. It smelled of mint and ginger.

🌠tension he didn't even know he had melted away, his eyes sliding closed against his will. Y/n grinned knowingly and made no remark or idle chatter. It took 3 clarifying washes before she was satisfied. The light moisture shampoo adding vitality and bringing out the little silver streak.

🌠Severus felt a light nudge and his name being called softly. His eyes fluttered open, flushing with shame, he had been so relaxed his fell asleep. Y/n simply smiled, understanding shining in her chocolate eyes. Coaxing him back to her station, she gently detangles his hair before sectioning it.

🌠studying how the uneven side laid, she opted to give him what she loved to call a gentleman's hair cut. "May I tuck your collar down? That way it doesn't end up with as much hair pricklies. I can tuck a towel around if not."

🌠Severus watched at y/n glided through his hair cutting section by section until it was all done. Y/n grabbed her hair dryer and dried it. "If you wish to grow it back out, you will need to get maintenance trims every few weeks to avoid the weird outgrown stage. Even if it's just to soften the edges. Most times around the ears it will do a flip outward" she explained. "What do you think?" Severus looked into the mirror again. His eyes refused to accept what he saw.

🌠the cut she gave him fell in a feathery wave, naturally away from his face. You would never know it had been botched. It flowed very well and had lift and life to it that he hadn't seen since he was a child. The streak of gray hair blended seamlessly as if he purposely placed it there. He literally aged backwards. He looked every bit of a 38 yr old instead of nearly 50.

🌠Severus was assured that it would be maintained free. If it began to get weighed again all he needed was a good clarifying treatment every other month or a good shampoo every other week. He carded his fingers through it, saw and felt the difference as well as the lack of product. There was nothing and his hair flowed and laid flawlessly.

🌠he thanked y/n for their time and cut. He cashed out, leaving her a hefty tip. Total cost was 15.00 but he gave her a 50.00 on top of that.

🌠walking out he heard the other students complain at Y/N. How were they going to get their live men's haircut marks if she kept stealing all the good ones. "Guys I don't pick them, take it up with janelly. She's the one that hands out the tickets." That got Severus thinking. He wouldn't mind returning to her again. So with his mind made up he walked back and asked to schedule the appointment and what other services were offered.

🌠leaving with a brochure in hand his eyes glanced down the column of services y/n would be able to provide. Haircuts, color, facials, bread trimmings, waxing, curly perms, straightening perms, various hair treatments, manicures, pedicures, the list was almost endless.

🌠Every 6 weeks, Severus was back in Y/Ns chair for haircut or another. His newfound secret joy was the facials. His skin glowed, less wrinkles, and even his beard stopped growing in patchy.

🌠 Severus and y/n became friends. Severus would stop by almost every single day. He brought y/n food or coffee, anything really.

🌠During this, Severus unsurprisingly fell in love with Y/N. And when it got out that they were dating the others tore into y/n (age gap), until they saw how Severus selflessly volunteered so y/n could get marks. Waxing was like a super mild form of a crucio, poker face was flawless. He looked so cute with the curly perm in his hair. "Hey lambchop" you chortled out before softening the curl a bit. He looked good in waves.

🌠soon the others kept trying to convince y/n to let them borrow Severus. "Y'all quit asking me, ask him. It's his decision if he wants any of you to work on him" y/n scowled at the group. That led to a whole movement amongst them. Boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers, guy friends started showing up because Severus unknowingly raised the bar. Thus, the men came to 'protect' their women/men from his apparent scheme to make all of them look bad.

🌠y/n laughing into Severus's shoulder as the high pitched screams echoed from the waxing area of the clinic floor. Severus only rolled his eyes, the other men squirmed uneasily as they waited their turn.

🌠by the following year, he skips teaching class in October. Much to the surprise of Minerva. It was your graduation date. He showed up with huge bouquet of flowers. After your celebration he takes you by the hand and walks you to a different location. "Close your eyes" He says to.

🌠when you are allowed to open them, your eyes are met with a door and a big red bow. Severus had managed to set up a business, your very own salon. Muggle and not were welcomed in your salon. Those that made mean remarks where only allowed to schedule in the evenings on Mondays. Money was money.

🌠spa day didn't stop after your graduation. It was now a bi monthly thing where severus and you spoiled each other. Minerva too, after she experienced, hands from heaven according to Severus.

[lady-severus-snape]

I'd like to imagine Severus discovering dark R&B. I feel it would fit well with his intense persona.

[lady-severus-snape]

*ping*

Sent 3:09 am

Albus: 🆘️🚫🍋💧😱😭...........🤓🪄🐍💥⚰️☠️👻 .......🤓🛌⛑️💤👩‍🔬

Severus *half asleep squinting at the screen*: Albus your emergency stash of lemon drops are in the hidey hole of your desk, bottom left drawer *sent at 3:12am*

Severus *Nods off before he realizes the the next part and rises from his bed like a vampire*: WHAT DO YOU MEAN POTTER FOUGHT THE DARK LORD AS IN THE INFIRMARY SLEEPING?! ON MY WAY!!!!!! *sent at 3:13am*

I headcanon that if Snape were to own an iPhone in 2024, it would be the iPhone 6 because he’s one of those guys that’s like: well, it does what I need it to do and he will not upgrade to a new one even though it no longer works with the latest iOS update. He does one word replies and refuses to learn text language.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore is a proud owner of the Samsung Galaxy Z Fold and has fully embraced communicating in emojis and emojis only.

[lady-severus-snape]

could you write a scenario based in your non-traditional headcanons? for example, one where y/n finds out about snape's bulimia and bouts of anorexia and helps him to deal with them and possibly recover from them?

Of course, my fuzzy little bat-ling! I hope to do it justice. Enjoy!

Trigger warning eating disorder. Seek medical attention if you suffer from one. I DO NOT CONDONE EATING DISORDERS. Reader discretion advised.

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Severus sat at the head table for lunch. His stomach rumbled in hunger. When was the last time he had anything to eat? It's must have been a few days if he couldn't remember. Between teaching duties, Order duties, and DE duties there simply wasn't enough time to grudge up enough energy to eat. He would eat today, there was shepherd's pie with his name on it. Severus piled on his plate and ate until his belt protested. Once he wiped his mouth his noticed the hall had gone somewhat quiet. Oh no, had he been greedy and over ate again? Discreetly he eyes scanned the crowd. There were a few students, newcomers fixing their gaze on the head table, on him. Severus felt his anxiety rise. The familiar clawing at the back of his throat. Once lunch was over, Severus stalked to the bathroom as quickly as decorum would allow. Once inside he locks and wards the stall. Swallowing several times to keep the tell tale sign of pooling saliva away. It didn't work, his stomach cramped and rebelled until he was bent over the heaving everything in his belly. Tears moistened the corner of his eyes.

Y/N was on their way to drop a box of ordered ingredients that Albus had 'conveniently' forgotten to pick up and since they passed Severus on the way, it would ever be so appreciated if y/n dropped off the box to Severus. As they passed the bathrooms, they heard retching and coughing. Y/N hoped it wasn't a student "Hello, are you Ok in there? Do you need Mdme Pomphrey?" Y/N inquired but was met with silence. "Maybe pass by the kitchen later and ask for ginger tea. It will settle your tummy." Again silence net them. Y/N didn't want to intrude but hoped whoever it was that they felt better.

Severus in his haste forgot the silencing ward and panicked when Y/N called out. He sucked in a breath and held it unwilling to make a sound that would give away who in here. He grimaced at the suggestion of going to Poppy or the ginger tea. Once he heard their steps fade away he breathed. Casting a scourgify and a mouth refreshing charm, severus counted to 20 before leaving the bathroom and made way to the potions classroom.

Y/N had just sat down the box on the desk when Severus walked in. Y/N was surprised that Severus waited for them to set the box down. Normally, if he saw them he would grab the box before even making it inside his classroom. Y/N had a feeling of dread lodge in their gut. For the amount of time it took for him to follow behind them.......Severus.....it was Severus who had been retching in the bathroom. Knowing how much of a private person y/n didn't call him out on it but instead wished him a good day, though mentally swore to keep an eye on him.

The days went by and patterns began to unfold in y/n observations. They noticed how sunk in Severus cheeks had gotten, and the sallowness of his skin seemed nearly jaundiced like. Y/N was very concerned. They noticed how Severus would hide hands under the table after eating a meager helping, as if he longed for more but couldn't consume more. Y/N observed how almost every day around lunchtime, either he skipped or would run right afterward to the bathroom. From the way he excessively chewed each small bite, to how small he cut up his food, to how stringent his portion sizes were.

The perfect time struck, Severus unable to deal with the ramifications of Potter surviving Querlmort, didn't even make it to his usual place when he heaved in nausea. This is how Y/N found him. They held his hair back as his body rebelled and emptied itself. Once done Y/N conjured a cold wet wash cloth and ran over his face. Severus brain caught up and lashed out at Y/N only for them to forcefully pull him into their embrace. Severus broke down and cried. Y/N had searched on the topic of eating disorders and how to care for someone with the disorder.

Y/N ushered Severus into an unused classroom and warded it for safety. There they managed to coax Severus into releasing the weight on his shoulders. Severus suffered from severe depression and body dysmorphia. Y/N cried at how many times the adults in Severus's youth failed him. From the public sexual assault on school grounds to the revels, he was forced to participate as both the perpetrator and the entertainment. Letting himself go because it would discourage others from touching him. Y/N sat and listened, making no judgement.

Y/N swore an oath to Severus that they would never reveal anything to anyone unless his life hung in the balance. Y/N and Severus creating a alarm system for when he hit a manic low and the anorexia took over and for when a manic high pushed him to binge eat everything in sight. By the end of war Y/N had tethered Severus to them leading to his survival after too many close calls with anorexia. They had Severus move in with them and took care of Severus until he had consented to inpatient treatment with a mind healer. Y/N visited everyday and ALWAYS made sure that Severus was loved, cherished, supported, and had a home to return too.

[lady-severus-snape]

Headcannon #1247

Severus gets pulled from his universe and gets plopped into ours, whatever age.

🌠Either he will get overwhelmed with the amount of support (we all want to be his friend, family, lovers, all of the above).

🌠He wouldn't know what to do with himself. Going from not having a SINGLE soul in his corner to having 100s of us linking up to protect him.

🌠 Probably would be a teary mess. Imagine all the chosen brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles, moms, dad's, grandma's, grandpa's. Poor baby wouldn't know how to act

🌠ALL the lovers. He literally could have a new flavor every week for the rest of his life. People who actually put in the effort to know him and his ticks.

🌠He looks at all of us collectively and goes hide. His mind unable to comprehend how much is loved by whole a mess of strangers, muggles at that.

🌠His potion making would end being muggle homeopathic treatments. He would have money coming out of his ears because well it's cheaper and better than some of the big pharma products.

🌠I'm pretty sure he would bond with some war veterans. Didn't matter that it was a magical war, war is war.

🌠the moment he calls of his sisters up a group of 20 of them show up at his place for a sleep over.

🌠Flattered and stressed at the romantic interest towards him. He had enough trouble with just Lily, and now he's got men, women, AND everyone else. Jesus, the post office would have a section for just his mail and packages (and I'm just talking US soil, nevermind other countries)

🌠between our collective and him, all his severe traumas would be addressed and healed.

🌠we would all get matching tattoos once he realized we had the ability to 'erase' the dark mark and cover art work.