#This i also showwed only 2 my wife because i was worried it was weird but tha last one people liked so it made me braver ^_^

[eggwishing]

[dontbesoweirdkira]

How many children would each of the Salieri men have? -Anon

A/N: Okay this is a response to a inbox request. For some reason I cannot find it anymore?? Sometimes my inbox eats up y’all’s messages. I’m so sorry!! ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING THIS!! I KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY.

Requests: open 24/7

Masterlist

Sam

I know I’ve written before that he wants kids with his wife but that’s delusional ¡Yandere! Sam who’s only doing that to baby trap you.

I think he truly doesn’t wants kids and would be perfectly fine if you couldn’t bear any. I think the true reason why he goes through with it is because of the time that he’s in.

Hotshot mob-boss Sam would need to have children because he’d eventually need to have a successor for the family.

Needs come before wants😪

Plus it’d look so weird if he willingly chose not to have any when he can. During that time if you were married with absolutely no kids by like the second year…*side eyed* (exaggeration but y’know)

Please no more than 2 tho. Only wants a son but would be okay with having daughter if he also had a son.

Would be an okay father tho so don’t worry too much. He’s like a dad that swears he hates dogs and if his family gets one he won’t take care of it but once the dog is around he switches up.

Yeah that’s him, he loves his kids a lot. He doesn’t always know how to show it and he’s kind of both physically and emotionally absent.

He does provide them with everything and if they are giving you a hard time he will defend you.

Paulie

You cannot change my mind on this. He wants the most kids and has the strongest desire for them.

This man is a hopeless romantic and he reeeeallly wants to have a perfect large family. I read a headcannon once that said Paulie had a very abusive father and the Mob was his ticket out of that. I believe that too and he wants to become the father he never had.

He fantasizes about being the best dad ever and having the whole family work together in his pizza joint. How beautiful his wife would look carrying his kids.

He wants 6-12 kids…3 boys and 3 girls if it’s 6 or 7boys and 5 girls if it’s 12.

Have you seen that scene in shameless where the guy goes “I HAVE A MAGICAL DICK” after finding out his wife is having twins…yeah that’s Paulie

Seriously this is his dream and if he ever becomes a father he’d never shut up about it. #1 PTA dad. He’s extremely involved with his children’s life. He’ll go through insane lengths to protect his children from a horrible childhood.

Tommy

The original “whatever my wife wants, I’m happy with” man.

I think he’s indifferent about the whole concept of having kids..? Like having kids would be nice….so is not having kids. Doesn’t really care about the societal pressure to have them at all.

He cares about his wife more than any of that junk. If having children would be too much of a strain on your life then don’t worry about it.

To be honest he’s kind of worried to have children because any day he could be gone and now his partner would be left as a single mother. :/

So I’m going to say while he’s actively in the mob he’d be leaning towards a no. But if this is after he’s escaped and you’ve settled down, Tommy is down for it.

Maybe 1-4 kids. Keeping it rather light and traditional. I don’t think this man would handle more than that tbh. Hes certified tired™️ and the more kids the less sleep.

I have a feeling though that he’d have all girls. He’s actually okay with that though. Mobster in a tutu to make his girls smile🤣

I’d say he’d be a normal suburban dad but I think he’s slightly too reserved and dangerous for that.

The family dynamic is super normal. He goes out to work to provide for y’all and when he gets home he’ll help the kids with homework.

We all know Tom is extremely loyal and loving so his kids are his world. They mean absolutely everything to him and he’ll do whatever it takes to help guide them through life.

[brsb4hls]

Read your post about show DM development, it drew me in since I’ve also in the wake of the season two finale been thinking a lot about what the plan is/was with DM from Rolins’ and the other writers’ perspective.

The lack of anything solid in regard to DM, any clear hint made me wonder if the DM relationship was planned at all. The thing that keeps confusing me is that Rolins stated years ago, I think when attending a convention in connection to season one, that fans of DM shouldn’t worry. Confirming - at least seemingly so - that this relationship would play out in some way. I also don’t think he would have affirmed it so clearly if he didn’t mean romantically? I dunno. Have you seen the clip? Looking at season one I thought that Armand-as-Rashid’s reaction to Louis offering Daniel the ‘Dark Gift’ was the only real hint that there might be something there.

However after watching season two I felt that the show moved away from the possibility of a past-DM. The Alice stuff never convinced me, Armand didn’t seem to be comforting Daniel when he brought up the proposal. The only two aspects about that interaction which made me wonder was the show making a deal of Daniel 1) “feeling freer to to hold her hand in Paris”, but this could be due to Alice not being white, which would have added another parallel between Louis and Daniel (their Paris experiences mirroring each other). And 2) the fact that Daniel refers to Alice as his ex-wife, and himself as having been married twice. So did they get married at a later date? Or did Daniel actually lie about marrying her wholesale? Was this scene/reveal meant to be longer/a bigger deal at some point in the writing process? Alternatively maybe they got married later due to legal reasons/for the kid and that’s why the rejection to his proposal was so painful for Daniel still? I dunno. I don’t think there must be anything DM-related here but I’m not going to claim there couldn’t be. There seemed to be something here - or the old and discarded(?) blueprints of a bigger scene possibly?

However If the writers were going past-DM I feel that surely they would have hinted at it at some point - if not outright included that storyline in some small way to start/tease it. The interactions between Armand and Daniel were, imho, quite impersonal in S02E05. Of course the episode can be a good introduction to DM, standing in for Armand imprisoning and starting to hunt Daniel (the learning-to-be-fascinating angle is great) but the show clearly didn’t commit to the plot in the episode. Instead possibly(?) just leaving a door open. I was a bit surprised that their dynamic didn’t become a bigger thing after the episode.

So maybe DM was not planned to have happened in the past, what actually weirds me out more is the lack of present-DM in this season as well. Like the tension between Daniel and Armand is delicious and fun at times, especially in S02E01 and at some smaller moments (Daniel trying to rile Armand up in the wake up S02E05 with the drinks comment was interesting!). But if the show is going enemies-to-lovers or Armand deciding to pursue Daniel because he now finds him fascinating/Daniel finding Armand fascinating (which was my theory before S02E08) why wasn’t there any scenes between the two setting this up? Like I was very surprised and honestly a bit let down that the dynamic between Armand and Daniel didn’t become more insane after S02E05, of course Daniel cannot lose it on this ancient vampire but still honestly?! I realize that Louis is the main character, but I feel that the writers had more than enough space and time to include just a scene at some point during the season which would hint at or develop Daniel’s and Armand’s dynamic in any way. So I feel a bit weirded out that they didn’t? Seems like a deliberate choice, which is strange if DM is planned as a thing they want to dig into next season(?). Though Rolins have only affirmed that they will have scenes together, also some of his comments read as almost a bit defensive to me? Am I crazy or is anyone else reading it as that as well? They did make a big deal of Armand not turning anyone and did choose to have Daniel be turned this season rather than next. Could just have been a good cliff hanger. I don’t know, I’m very confused about their intentions at this point. Sorry for long ask - really wanted to hear your take on all of this.

I think there are a lot of different factors here, I'll try to organize a bit.

Fan perspective:

- first off, DM is book canon. So we book readers might be biased in interpreting scenes because we have expectations

- DM already being canon in the source material also makes it likely to happen in the show

Rolin Jones/creatives:

- they did change book aspects to appeal to a broader modern audience, but also kept the core themes and put in easter eggs.

So they clearly made the show with respect and love for the source material

-every season can be the last one, so everything has to make sense in one season

From that perspective I think RJ focused mainly on Louis and Lestat and the Loustat relationship as a red thread (hence the addition of Dreamstat), but put in small hints at other storylines from the books. Like Nicky and the mention of cut off hands.

With a season 3 focusing on Lestat's story there might be more Nicky, but in season 2 it was cut short (and it's not part of iwtv anyways but tvl).

DM is also not part of iwtv, it happens in the third book, as we all know.

In that Interview with RJ I think he was genuinly surprised people were this interested in DM (they should be mainly focused on Loustat at this point of the story) and got a) a bit defensive and b) genuinly thought he included some snippets/hints with the bottle ep.

So fans did get a pretty intense 70s interaction, just not like in the book.

The storytelling:

-Daniel has tons of issues obvi, especially in regards to relationships, which fits well with Louis' story and makes for a compelling dynamic between the two.

Which is important for the format to work.

I think the Alice mentions are supposed to highlight those issues, just like the paperback thing. And Daniel's daughters have to come from somewhere.

(Personally I'm open to all head canons and fanfic here, including mpreg, because why not, but I do think there isn't much to it in show)

-then there's the Daniel/ Armand dynamic, which starts of as enemies (somewhat) for tension.

There needs to be an underlying threat or at least uneasy feeling. Armand provides that.

And it's clear in their banter.

Also dialogue like: 'you tried to drain me, pal'

'belated apology no. 2' reads more like a frenemy buddy comedy dynamic.

So we have this rivalry between them that can be aggressiv but also compelling and funny.

The actors:

-in a lot of interviews Eric underlines the Armand being Daniel's rival/nemesis/antagonist dynamic.

So that was clearly planned.

He also seems open to a different dynamic, jokes about it and seems to discuss it with Assad (well, Assad brought it up).

-Assad has been joking and teasing the ship from the start. He is clearly personally intrigued by that dynamic and with him and Eric somewhat bonding over their work it might not be to challenging for them to act it out in one way or another.

To conclude: The creatives chose a different focus and did only plan on crumbs (bottle ep and Daniel's turning). The story telling supports that theory.

The fans have different interpretations because of their expectations.

They also voiced those expectations a lot and promoted the show via DM content.

The actors vibe pretty well together and seem to be open to a lot of different things and we know they get to make suggestions and add lib.

So DM might still be happening, if RJ changes his mind, but it will be now and with an enemy to whatever dynamic.

Which I'll take.

This is how I see it anyways.

[useless-catalanfacts]

hi! I'm english-catalan and have lived most my life in England but am currently in living in Catalunya. I was just wondering based on your post about catalans who wrote national anthems, all of them seemed to have [cognom] i [cognom] names. I've seen some people whose names are written like that and others who aren't, and it struck me as an odd coincidence that all five of those were written in that format as I don't see it terribly often so it got me wondering- is there a difference between [cognom] i [cognom] and [1r cognom 2n cognom] names, or are they just two different ways of writing the same thing? sorry if this is a weird/stupid question 😭

It's not a stupid question, don't worry!

Nowadays they're two ways of naming. When a child is born, the parents can inscribe them in the civil registre as [name] [1st surname] [2nd surname] or as [name] [1st surname] i [2nd surname]. Choosing one or the other is simply a matter of preference, but the i option used to be more common back in the day and nowadays sounds old-fashioned and maybe even a bit pretentious.

Originally, Catalans only used 1 surname, because in Europe women weren't considered independent adult human beings. For many centuries and up to the 19th century, women didn't have a social class, a surname, nor lineage, because they were considered a possession of a man: their husband, if they didn't have a husband then of their father, and if they didn't have neither husband nor father of their brother. So, for example, the wife of a noble wasn't considered a noble herself, she was technically only the wife of a noble. This happened all over Europe, and in fact many countries in Europe and European ex-colonies nowadays still only pass down the father's and husband's surnames, even forcing women to lose their own surname when they get married and having to get their husband's surname, as if they were still his property. This used to be the case in Catalan, Spanish, Portuguese, and the other European languages that nowadays have both father's and mother's surnames.

Having two surnames originated in the Castilian nobility in the 16th century, with the purpose of stacking more titles and having names that sound different from the common people. To show that they're two separate titles and not just one surname with two names they separated them with the "y" ("and"). Catalan nobles started having a closer connection and marrying with Spanish nobles in the 16th and 17th centuries and adopted the "y" costume. It didn't really catch on to most of the people outside of the upper class until a law made 2 surnames mandatory in the 19th century, though many people were already imitating the nobles in the 18th century. With time, Spanish language lost the tradition of adding "y" between the surnames, but it survived in Catalan. In the early 1900s, when the standard spelling of Catalan was made, people who wanted to be named in Catalan changed the "y" ("and" in Spanish) to "i" ("and" in Catalan).

With time, some people even came to proudly use the "i" between their surnames as a way to show that they're Catalan and they're named in Catalan, not only that it just so happened that they were named Catalan names but that they actively choose it and use it. There's also some people who say that adding the "and" between surnames makes them more equal, because it puts them both at the same importance (for example, in the statement "I buy orange and honey", oranges and honey are in an equal position; "I buy orange honey", the central word is honey and orange is just added to it), but that's more of an a posteriori perception or folk etymology kind of situation imo.

But since the early 20th century to nowadays, the "i" has become less and less popular and nowadays it's unusual to find, at least among young people.

[writingshushf1]

Lover - chapter 1

Summary: the next 4 minutes have decided your whole life.

Rating: +16

Warnings: unplanned pregnancy, grief, mention of death, drinking during (unknown) pregnancy, mention of abortion.

Word count: 3.7k

Note: some fluffy mick x you baby fic! but it’s not what it seems- so, jdssjdjssjd i hope you guys enjoy! this one is already completed so i’ll post every 2-3 days, also available on AO3.

 masterlist

APRIL, 2024.

“The smell here is very strong, not liking it.”

"You'll get used to it."

You were walking around the paddock with Sebastian Vettel; he was your godfather and the fatherly figure you had after your father died, his wife also played an important part of your life, you even spent some holidays with them. Now, he was guiding you to meet one of his “paddock kids”. First, it was Charles Leclerc, he was nice with you two, loving the idea of being important enough for the german driver. Then, it was Lewis, he wasn’t one of his “kids”, but a real close friend of his; the Mercedes’ driver was also very nice towards you. And the last one, Mick Schumacher. The other blonde was the closest to Vettel, you heard of him a lot, but never had the time to meet him, your dad hated the sport for some reason - it was ironic, because one of his closest friends was a racing driver.

The boy was exceptionally nice, yet very shy towards you. His blonde hair was tidy, his racing fireproofs down to his waist, showing the shirt of his team, your godfather told you that he changed from Haas to a new one this year, so his hopes were up for possible podiums and wins. The older german excused himself for a while and you had the time to properly talk.

“I heard of you, a lot.” You said, adjusting your cap.

“Same.” He smiled. “So… How come we didn't meet before?”

“Well… Seb is indeed my godfather, but my dad hated Formula 1. Or any sport that involves vehicles.” The blonde chuckled and you felt your heart flutter, it was weird, how fast you were feeling tipsy for someone you just met. “It’s ironic! I know!”

“Did you lie to your dad about going out with your godfather and ended up getting here?”

“I wish.” You smiled.

Before you could explain, he was back to you two.

“Let’s go to our seats? Mick here is the nicest person and gave us access to his garage .”

“I still can’t get over that you retired, uncle.” You said. “See you after the race!”

“See you, guys.”

You walked with Vettel and sat down. Media knew you very well, since you were a kid, even though your dad didn’t allow you to go on races, you would often be seen with Sebastian and his family. He liked to spoil you and in some way, you were the older sibling to his kids.

It was actually weird that Mick and you never crossed paths before, as long as you knew, his dad was close to the german. Maybe it wasn’t the right time.

Vettel and you were closely watching everything that was happening, the older would explain to you things that you didn’t understand. You found that the sport was actually interesting, however you were getting nauseous and your head felt like it was spinning. You grabbed your godfather’s arm lightly.

“Hey… Can you get some water for me? I’m feeling a little sick.”

“Yes, stay here. Anything else?”

“Some painkillers? My head is pounding.”

Soon he got back with what you needed and you could at least put up with the rest of the race. That was weird, you usually didn’t feel sick, or at least not that badly in the middle of the day. Sebastian kept looking at you, he was very worried about your state, but still cheered for Mick when he got P4. The retired driver explained that he was keeping a good pace since the beginning of the season and now it was the closest to a podium, they were hoping by the next race he would get into at least 3rd place.

After the race, you waited longer to meet with Mick and walked together till the parking place, now with only a few fans.

“So… There will be a gathering later, in Ocon’s place… Do you want to join us?” He asked for both of you.

“Nah, I’m too old for this, but you two should go!” Vettel put his arms around both of you. “ Especially you, Olli.”

“Fine! I’ll go, just let me back at my hotel room and change?” You said. “And we agreed to never use that nickname again.”

“But what should I call you then?” Seb loved to tease you with that, Mick looked confused at both of us.

“By my name!”

“Uhm… Can I ask why?”

“Yes!” Of course, he was going to embarrass you. “So, when she was younger, she used to eat trolli gummy bears a lot, but had trouble saying the ‘tr’... And I thought it was the cutest and refused to call her anything except for Olli.”

“I was four.”

“Still the cutest.”

“You want to kill me with embarrassment.”

“I thought it was very cute.” Schumacher intervened into the conversation.

“See? I’m a genius.”

“You’re too old, go to your hotel room to sleep!” You said, the three of you laughing.

…............................

You were nervous, no one actually knew you there except for Mick, so the moment you walked in with him, people got closer to him, talking and pulling him, while you stood there, being recognized as “the girl who Sebastian took to the paddock”. The blonde noticed how you were looking like a deer in headlights, so he got you closer and introduced you to people.

The night was going fine, you, Schumacher, three of his friends - that you learnt they were Ocon, Stroll, Albon and their significant others were sitting on the balcony, drinking different types of alcoholic drinks and talking shit about life.

“So, how could we have never seen you before? I mean, paparazzi pictures outside yes, but… Never around.” Esteban asked, he was drunk and genuinely curious.

“My dad hated Formula One, so he never let me be around it.” You smiled, remembering the memories. “I told Mick that and how funny it was one of his closest friends was a four time world champion.”

“Was? But you still go around with Seb.”

“Well…” That was the hard part. It’s been two years already, however it would still hurt you every time you have to tell someone new. You felt tears prick your eyes. “My dad died, it’s been a while actually.” They all felt silent. “He was sick, very sick and it got to a point that there was no way of him being what he was.” You sighed and felt a hand on your shoulder from Schumacher. “We didn’t know how his state actually was. Decided to turn off the machines, it was better than maybe to wake him up to see if it had any brain activity and see him suffering.”

“Wow, that was deep, sorry.”

“It’s okay! I’m happy that I spent the rest of his time with him. I try to always remember him with smiles.” You took another sip, feeling your stomach reject that, so you put the drink aside. “We should always remember people with happy memories, it’s how they would like to be remembered.”

“That’s beautiful.” Mick smiled at you, squeezing your shoulder.

“Who wants more booze?” Lance broke the sad moment because of his drunk self- and you were grateful for that.

Everyone laughed loudly and he got more alcoholic drinks for everyone, but you refused, taking the sparkling water.

“Are you ok, girl? Not the biggest fan?” Elena asked you.

“Not feeling the best. I’ve been feeling weird all day.”

“Did you check the last time you got your period? Maybe there’s a little Mick coming soon.”

“No!” You said out loud, hiding your face with your hands. “Girl... Just friends, nothing else.” You laughed along. “I hope that was a joke.”

You looked at the blonde, who had bright red cheeks, waiting for him to give you support on the answer.

“Yeah, it would be pretty weird-”

“I was a joke, relax you two.” Elena squeezed your shoulder in reassurance.

“And I’m not pregnant. Impossible. It’s been a while that I don’t have a nice time with anyone.” You cringed right after that, earning a sweet smile from the girls, who giggled.

“It’s ok, we’ve all been through that.” Stroll got on the subject again, being even more drunk than before.

“Someone will need to carry him out of here.” Albon commented.

“He’ll sleep on the sofa, probably.” Ocon spoke.

….....................................

It was around 3am when Mick offered you a ride home, he didn’t drink anything because he knew he was the assigned driver for Albon and Lily - and now you too, not that he hoped all night that you accepted going with him. You were the last one to be dropped off before he went back to his hotel. The movement of the car was making you sick, your eyes were closed, trying to not feel worse than you’ve been after that last drink. Your throat was burning and the sensation was causing the symptoms to be even worse; the car stopping and going back again was driving you mad.

“Mick.” He was too focused on the road and didn’t listen. “Mick.” You called again, which took him out of his trance.

“What?”

“Stop the car.”

“Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” You took a deep breath, however it was a bad idea. “I’m going to throw up and I don’t want to do that in your car.”

He quickly entered an empty street, stopping suddenly. You opened the door and walked a few steps, until you couldn’t hold anymore, putting everything out of your body. The german got out of the car and closed the doors, running towards you, pulling your accessories and some strands of your hair back. His hands were cold against your body.

“God, this feels awful.” You let go of his touch, it felt too much for you, everything was overwhelming in that moment.

“Do you need me to take you to the hospital?”

“I’m fine, Mick. Maybe that drink didn’t sit right with me. Please, just... Take me to my hotel, I’m exhausted.”

“Okay, but I’ll leave my phone number, in case you don’t want to wake Seb up.”

“Fine. Thank you.”

It still had twenty minutes before you arrived at your hotel, so you ended up drifting off and sleeping on the passenger’s seat. Schumacher was looking at you a few times, smiling at the fact you slept so quickly; he took some of the hair that was sticking to your face due to the sweat, but feeling your skin was cold, so he took his coat from the backseat and put it on top of you.

When you arrived, he squeezed your shoulder slightly, calling your name.

“Hey, we’re here. Do you want me to take you to your room?”

You woke up, taking off your seatbelt and his jacket. “No, I’m fine, I swear. I’ll only call you if it’s an emergency.”

“Right. I’ll believe in you.”

You walked out of his car, getting into your hotel room next to Vettel’s. You got naked and entered the shower, letting the warm water run through your body, calming your nerves. After a long time in the shower, you brushed your teeth and laid on the bed, saving Schumacher's number.

i’m alive, lol

going to sleep

see u

mick: thank god

good night

see u

…................................................................

The next morning, you woke up feeling horrible, with morning sickness, terrible headache. It felt like even though you didn't sleep. Normally, you would think this was some bad hangover, however, things were hitting you differently. One thing you could be sure, you weren't pregnant, the last time you did a test, it came back negative.

You got up, feeling the same as last night, running towards the bathroom and throwing up. Probably it was all the junk food you ate in those last days. You took a shower and changed your outfit; when you were brushing your teeth, a soft knock on your door could be heard.

"Hey, Olli, it's Seb. Good morning."

You smiled, finishing and going towards the door and opening to him.

"Good morning. How are you?" He walked in and opened the curtains before sitting on the couch.

"Me? I'm fine. I want to know about you. Mick left a message in the middle of the night saying you weren't feeling good."

"Oh!" He really needed to tell that to him? "I was, maybe it was the drinks that we had, they weren't strong, but I was with an empty stomach."

"You're sure? Yesterday during the race you were not feeling good either."

"That was the headache, you know I have bad ones."

He wasn't buying your excuses, but he let it go. For now.

"So what will you do today?"

"I was waiting to tell you this later, but… I got a new job! And I'll move to another country." Vettel looked at you, very surprised. "Uncle Seb, it's the one. I did it."

"I'm so proud of you, kid." He hugged you.

This moment made you tear up, finally getting your dream job as a manager in an entertainment company was a big accomplishment. You wished your dad was the one hugging you, saying that he believed in you and everything was happening because you were good. Before you could understand, the german was wiping the tears that were running down your face. He kissed your forehead, looking a bit too worried about you.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, it's just… I've always wanted this, so badly and I wanted to share it with my dad, but he's not here…"

"Olli, I'm sure he's proud of his little girl."

"Thanks, it means a lot to me, you know?"

"I know. Can I tell Hanna?"

"Of course you can!" You laughed between tears.

"Where are you moving?"

"Well… For now, they want me in Monaco, most of their clients live in the countries around it."

"That's good! Mick just moved there too, Daniel lives there as far as I remember, Charles too. They're good people and will make you feel at home."

"Thanks, Seb. I know they will." You smiled. "I just hope I didn't scare Mick after last night."

"I'm sure you didn't."

Both of you laughed together before you started to pack your things.

"I'm going back home tonight and booking a hotel for next week there, in the meantime, I'll find an apartment. They want me working as soon as I can."

"That's good! It means they really are invested in you."

"If you say anything else, I will cry again, uncle."

"Okay! Okay! I'll stop."

Vettel decided to get back home with you, because you lived in the same city, close neighborhoods. That night, after booking the hotel, you started to pack your things, the most important thing that you would need to have on the first week at the new apartment.

You were feeling your body being more tired than usual, but it was a long flight and an even longer weekend you had, so it was understandable your tiredness. The sickness was becoming an obstacle now and it made you madder than usual, resulting in a broken cup and a quick visit to the hospital to get some stitches in your palm; of course that wouldn't stop your moving and working.

…..........................................................

Monaco, there you were. New life, new things and a beautiful view from your apartment after a week in a hotel. It was smaller than your old one, but it was worth it. One bathroom, two small bedrooms - which one would be turned into an office - an open plan kitchen with living room and the balcony where you could see the ocean. The feeling of being independent was amazing, especially when you thought that everything was happening because of your dream job.

Immediately you texted Mick. This past week you became closer and your friendship was growing, both of you liked that, because a new city could be lonely for both foreigners.

the view is awesome, omg

*attached picture

mick: how is your view better than mine?

are you jealous?

mick: maybe…

really?

you should come here then lol

mick: i don't have anything to do rn

if you let me…

im knocking on your door in 5

if you bring good wine, im in

mick: then give me 10, ok?

sure, ill get the snacks ready

mick: fine see you xoxo

xoxo

You got all the snacks into different bowls, most of them healthy because you knew that Mick was usually on a diet to keep his weight, even though the smell and taste of them were feeling weird for you. In 10 minutes, he was knocking on the door, asking to get in; you thought it was very funny how loud and noisy he was being, almost saying no, but then you thought about the wine and let him in.

"Wow. It's cozy."

"I know, right? I'm loving it here."

"Do you want to drink now?"

"Oh, yes! The first two weeks have been good, but it's too much work! I need to chill."

When he gave you a glass, the smell bothered you, but you ignored, trying to give it a shot. On the first sip, it was bad, but you could handle it; however the second made you gag slightly. The nauseous feeling came back and you put down the wine, sitting back on the sofa.

"Maybe I won't drink today. My body is not feeling it."

"Really? That's sad, more wine to me, then!"

"I'm feeling like I'm about to throw up. Again."

"Are you ok? The last time we saw each other, you threw up in a corner of a sidewalk."

"I'm fine, it's probably stress."

"Are you sure?" He was very worried about your state of being.

"I said, I'm fine! Mick, you don't need to get worried, okay?" You snapped at him, soon regretting when you heard his voice.

"Oh. Okay. Sorry for that."

"It's okay… I was rude to you."

Later that night, you were laying with your head on his shoulder, watching some random TV show, when you needed to get up to go to the bathroom again. For the fifth time in 1 hour.

"I'm going to ask you again. Are you ok? It's not normal to get up around every 15 minutes to pee."

You sat down and started to question what he said. He was right. It was indeed weird.

"Now you've got me. But I don't know what it could be.”

"Let's think about the most common problems and get into a solution?"

"That would be fun."

And then, you two spent one hour trying to figure out what could be wrong in your body so you were acting like that. And nothing would match, from the simplest to the most obnoxious diagnosis. This was getting boring when he looked at his phone and back to you three times.

"There's one possibility that we didn't think of." He said.

"Which is…?"

"Pregnancy. You could be pregnant. "

"What?" You scoffed. "Impossible. I did a test and it came back negative!"

"When?"

"Around six to eight weeks ago?"

"That was a very long time. A lot of times it could be a false negative."

"Mick, you're scaring me." You felt your anxiety crumble up into a pile; your hands were wet with sweat, your breathing was shallow. He held your hands, looking at you.

"You should do a test, just to keep this option out of our mind. Okay?”

"I'm going to buy one. I'll be back in 5. Stay here please. I know it will be negative, but I need a friend around."

"You can count on me."

The nearest pharmacy was walking two blocks down, so in less than 5 minutes you were in the elevator, feeling your nerves running up your sleeve. It was an embarrassing situation asking for the test when your French wasn’t the best. The worry was growing, you couldn’t be pregnant, at least not now.You opened the door, looking at him and walking towards the bathroom.

The next 4 minutes have decided your whole life. From the peeing on the stick, to waiting for the results and the shock when it was positive. You washed your hands and face a couple of times, trying to put yourself back before looking at it again.

You were pregnant.

From there, everything was slow, like your mind was denying what just happened. Before you could understand, your sobbing was so loud that Mick ran to the bathroom door, knocking softly and calling for your name. It took a few minutes before you opened and walked to him, letting the blonde hug you while you cried into his chest for several minutes.

"I can't believe it. Why? Why now?" Your voice was muffled from your face still against his hoodie. "I was having the perfect life and then… Boom! One night of fun turned into this."

"Hey, I'm with you, Seb is with you. We're going to help."

"It's not just that. My career, I just started it. Maybe they won't fire me now, but in a few months? Hell yeah. And I’m in my twenties! I’m too young to have a kid, I don’t know what they will need."

"I'll be ready to sue them and to learn with you about babies, kids, teenagers."

Between your tears you chuckled a little.

"You don't need to do any of that."

"We're friends, right? So I'll do anything for my future godchild."

"You're too good for me." You sniffled and looked at him. "Thank you, for actually wanting to support me. I don't think the father will want anything with it."

"You don't need to thank me, but maybe you'll have to tell Seb about it."

"Yeah, but as soon as he knows, the first thing he'll do is fly over here to talk about the options. "

"Options?"

"I don't know if I want to keep this baby, Mick. Abortion could be an option… But here I can't do it, in Germany either and I don't have that much money left after I got this place."

"Well… We'll work it out with the decision you make. Because you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because friends support each other on anything."

[neonbrutalism]

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Ship Comics!MattFoggy (Part 2)

Welcome to part 2!

As the show MattFoggy and MattKaren shippers mourn the fact that Disney completely fucking missed the entire point of Daredevil by cutting Foggy and Karen (as far as we know at this point), I have decided to take the initiative to invite the MattFoggy shippers to join me in shipping in the comics. MattKaren shippers, I love you but I'm not making that post.

Please read part 1 for more information.

As I stated previously, the key here is to remember... you don't need to read all the comics to ship Comics!MattFoggy. In fact, I encourage you don't because sometimes comics are bad. I haven't read most of the comics these pages are from.

I also wanted to address the anti-Netflix sentiment among comic fans: … IDK man who cares. Don't worry about it. I'm only one brutalist, I can't be responsible for that.

Anyway, here's MattFoggy!

Matt faked his death again in the 90s. Not for the last time.

I think this man is a pirate?

Volume 2 is VERY heavy on MattFoggy. Also the Black Widow is there a lot! Also Matt got married to Milla and she got really badly fridged and I'm still mad.

Matt keeps getting disbarred for various reasons and, at one point Foggy leaves their firm to become a corporate lawyer. He also is, at the time, dating Glorianna, his ex-wife's niece through marriage. Matt also dated her in the past. Comics are fuckin weird.

And from the Devil in Cell Block D… (Again, volume 2 is VERY MattFoggy)

All this really is just for starters. There's so much more I didn't include (a lot of volume 3 and 4, Matt thinking he should call Foggy right after having sex and Matt using the minutes of sight he got from evil Iron Man to go see Foggy) so I encourage you to explore the comics! Failing that, check out a discord, make some friends and learn the comics by osmosis.

Not all is lost, my friends, even without the show, there's literally almost 60 years of Matt Foggy to fall back on.

And a lot of free comics online.

[cloudlessly-light]

i’m so happy you’re back! we all missed you, hope you’re doing okay ❤️ i have a prompt! it is smut of course because you know that you’re the hotchniss smut queen ;)

it may be ooc but i want to see emily and aaron on their wedding day and they follow the traditional rules of not being able to see the bride before the wedding. when aaron sees emily walking down the aisle aaron cannot believe his eyes cause she looks absolutely gorgeous. of course basic biology happens and emily notices, smirks and gets hot and bothered too. they try to keep it in their pants during the dinner and first dance until they take it to their hotel room and aaron tells emily she’s his forever

A/N: Hi Anon! Thank you so much! I know you sent this forever ago but I hope you're still around to enjoy it!

Title: Got all my love (Part 1/2)   Summary: They’re finally getting married, a day they had waited for, for too long. Word count: 3k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, oral sex, multiple orgasms, feelings and fluff, they love each other, they also want each other

“Oh Em you look so beautiful!” Penelope gushes as she walks out of the bathroom of the suite they had rented for the night. She smiles widely at JJ and Penelope who smiles just as brightly back, their excitement clear.

Today was her wedding day, their wedding day, the day she thought wouldn’t ever come. They had almost gotten married four times already, but cases or Jack being sick or just life, had always managed to get in the way. But not today.

“Thank you.” She smooths out the front of her dress. It was simple, a white silk dress that hugged her waist and showed off a hint of cleavage. They hadn’t wanted their wedding to be a big thing, just their closest friends and family, and Emily had opted for a dress that suited their theme. “God is it normal to be nervous?” she chuckles as she looks at herself in the mirror.

“I’m pretty sure that’s standard sweet cheeks.” Penelope comes to stand behind her. “But you’ve got nothing to be worried about, Hotch will die when he sees you.”

“I hope not.” She jokes as JJ comes to stand on her other side and Penelope rolls her eyes.

“You know what I mean!”

“Whose idea was it to spend the night apart?” JJ asks as she picks up the brush, getting ready to fix her hair.

“Aarons.” Emily sits down in front of them at the vanity. “Some traditions are important to him.” She didn’t want to admit to them that it had felt weird sleeping without him as he stayed at their house and she had slept in their suite.

“Never would have guessed.” JJ carefully sections out dark locks between her fingers. “Just light curls right?”

“Yeah.” She nods before sighing. “If it had been solely up to me he would have been with me all night.” She looks at the two blondes behind her in the mirror and smirks knowingly.

“Emily Prentiss!” Penelope laughs and pushes lightly at her shoulder. “You little minx!”

“What can I say, he treats me too good to be away from, even if it’s just one night.” Her smirk widens when her friends laugh at her. “Besides, in less than two hours, it’s Emily Prentiss Hotchner.”

*

“Are you ready?” Dave asks as he straightens Aaron’s tie.

“Never been more ready for anything in my life.” He answers honestly. He couldn’t wait to be married, to see Emily walk down the aisle and finally be able to call her his wife.

“It feels like you’ve been dating forever and yet like no time has passed.” Derek who’s sitting on a chair beside them says and Dave nods along.

“Probably cause you hid your relationship for so long.” Spencer adds and then three sets of eyes are on him and he just smiles and shakes his head.

“We’re not having this conversation again.” He says and is only met by mutterings which he ignores. Instead he takes the scotch that Dave is handing him while Spencer and Derek come to stand beside them.

“To the best day of your life.” The older man raises his glass and when Aaron feels his stomach twist he knows it has nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with the excitement he feels.

*

Emily takes a slow breath hearing the piano play and then takes Jack’s hand.

“Thank you for walking with me.” She smiles at him and he squeezes her hand tightly. He’s almost 10 now, and it’s a moment that he feels proud to be a part of, almost like a grown up.

“I didn’t want you to be alone, because we’re a family.” He says simply and Emily feels her heart ache with the love she feels for him.

When they walk down the small make-shift aisle her focus quickly changes from Jack to Aaron, standing with the officiant and eyes locked on her. She smiles at him, her cheeks heating slightly from the way he’s obviously at a loss for words, his Adam’s apple bopping as he swallows hard.

Aaron couldn’t tear his eyes off her as she slowly walked towards him, something about the way the dress hugged her body in all the right ways, the simplicity of how beautiful she looked, knowing that she was his, it was making his brain short circuit for a moment. He always wanted her, always craved her, but right then and there he couldn’t think about anything else but how much he needed her.

She notices it, because of course she does, she notices everything about him and he’s powerless to stop it. She gives him a wink, right before Jack lets go of her hand and instead she takes his, larger, warmer, so familiar to her that she would be able to pick it out of a lineup with her eyes closed.

“Hi.” She whispers softly.

“Hi.” He says just as quiet and then takes a moment to smile at his son who’s gone to sit next to Henry on one of the chairs, nodding quickly to him and getting a toothy grin in return. Then he looks back at her and feels his body warm at the sight of her. “You look beautiful.”

In hindsight, Aaron was glad that Penelope filmed the whole thing, the ceremony going by in a haze. He could barely focus on anything but Emily, want and love and everything in between making it hard to remember any details that weren’t her.

When they kiss, he doesn’t hear the clapping or cheering, all he hears is the soft moan from her, like they hadn’t kissed a thousand times before, like it had been years since the last time and not the previous morning. It’s too short, but he knows that it has to be and when they break apart he smiles so big it almost hurts.

“Finally.” He says and she laughs.

“Finally.” Her hand finds his, her body leaning into his side as Dave instructs everybody where the dinner was being held, the older man knowing them well enough to know that they would want a moment alone. He winks at them before leaving with the rest of their friends and the moment the doors close, Aaron wraps his arm around her waist to pull her flush against him.

“Gorgeous, you’re gorgeous.” He mumbles before kissing her again, this time deep and desperate as she gasps against his lips, her mouth opening to his tongue.

“Should we sneak off?” She’s already breathless, heat in between her thighs just from his clear want for her. To her surprise he looks like he’s considering it but ultimately sighs and shakes his head for leaning his forehead against hers.

“One dinner, one dance, then I’m taking you upstairs.” He rasps and it sends tingles down her spine.

“Let’s get this show on the road then.”

*

Dinner is nice and quiet, short speeches and delicious food. It was exactly what they had wanted. By the time the dessert plates were being removed from the table Aaron was standing up and extended his hand, just as soft music started to play.

“May I have this dance, Mrs. Hotchner?” He could hear Penelope squealing and hear people laugh at her excitement, Emily joining in before taking his hand.

“Of course.”

They start to sway slowly, his hand pressing softly against the small of her back and his hand holding hers while her other hand rested on his chest. She looked up at him, could barely look away from his dark eyes. There was a softness about him that she knows he only really showed her and Jack, but today he was comfortable enough for all of them to see, it made her happy.

“I want you.” She mumbles against his neck and she feels his hands tightening slightly.

“Soon.” He assures her as he lets his thumb stroke over the silky dress, felt her shiver slightly against him in return. The slight blush on her cheeks didn’t seem to go away and he felt the familiar pull in his gut at her proximity. Not for the first time he had to remind himself that they were in public, that he couldn’t touch her the way he wanted just yet. But standing there, holding Emily in his arms he found that he wasn’t in a rush, he had forever with her.

She barely notices when people start to join them on the dance floor, not until Jack is standing beside them and asking for a dance.

A couple of hours later Aaron is pushing open the door to their suite blindly as they kiss desperately. She’s clawing at his suit, tugging on the tie and forcefully pushing his jacket off his shoulders. He’s just as frantic, quickly finding the zipper at her waist and pulling it down. When the dress falls to the floor around her feet he stares at her, the lacy underwear making his mouth dry.

“I had something else I planned to wear.” She says but he immediately shakes his head as he tugs her against him.

“This is perfect, you’re perfect.” He kisses her again, pushes his tongue against hers and she swallows up his low grunt as they move toward the bed.

Her hands are on his belt, getting it undone and quickly unzipping his slacks to be able to push them to the floor while he unbuttons his shirt.

“Lay back.” He rasps and urges her back on the bed. His eyes rake over her, from the white shoes on her feet to the light pink underwear set, to her face, flushed cheeks and parted lips. His hand wraps around one of her ankles and when he presses a kiss against the inside of it, Emily mewls.

His lips are heated, his light stubble rough as he slowly kisses up her leg, soon kneeling on the floor as he sucks on her inner thigh. She’s sure he’s going to drive her insane with dizzying arousal, his tongue sneaking out to lick over her through her underwear before moving down the other thigh.

“Aaron, please.” She gasps when he’s halfway down her other leg, her thighs twitching.

“Going to take my time tonight sweetheart.” His voice is thick with want, the natural rasp of it that she loves slightly muffled against her skin. “Going to worship my wife.”

The word makes her moan slightly, her dark eyes heated as she props herself up on her elbows to watch him. His eyes look close to wild when he peels her underwear off her hips, pupils blown black by lust as his arms wrap around her thighs to pull her to the edge of the bed.

When his tongue moves through her it’s slow, a groan leaving him at the taste of her while her mouth drops open. He dips it inside of her, keeps his arms tightly around her legs to keep her still and as he tastes every inch of her like it’s the first time.

She grips his hair, her fingers scratching against his scalp and when he flicks her clit she moans his name in a breathless plea. He uses his knowledge of her body, and as she starts to writhe on the bed he only holds her tighter.

“Don’t stop.” She whimpers and she feels his lips tug into a smile against her. Then he sucks on her clit and her hips buckles against his face, wanting more. He doesn’t stop, keeps focusing on her clit and building her up until her body is tensing and she’s gasping and moaning in between panting breaths.

“Let go, sweetheart.” He pulls off her long enough to get the words out, but just as quickly his mouth is on her again, driving her higher and higher. He keeps his eyes on her and when she comes with scream she’s barely able to muffle with her hand he feels his cock pulse and leak inside his boxers. Watching Emily fall apart was his favorite thing in the world and he planned on seeing it a lot tonight.

He doesn’t stop, even when she’s whimpering and squirming from his lips on her overstimulated clit. Their eyes meet and one of his eyebrows arches and she knows that he won’t stop until she’s coming again.

It always amazes her, how well he knows her body, how quickly he get’s her to come. She’s sweating and panting, her body flushes as he continues to eat her out, his tongue strong and sure against her. She isn’t sure how much time passes, but she knows that it can’t be more than a few minutes before she’s coming again, her body being held still by his strong arms as he sucks on her clit.

By the time she’s coming down and her breathing has returned to normal, Aaron has pushed his boxers off and is climbing up on the bed, easily lifting her higher on it. Her wetness shines on his lips and chin and his shaft is heated as it presses against her thigh and she quickly spreads her legs.

“I need you.” She whispers and pulls him into a kiss, a moan on her lips as she tastes herself on his tongue. But he doesn’t move closer, keeps just enough space between their bodies to fit his hand between them. “Baby…” She gasps and he shushes her.

“One more, I want to watch you properly.” He pushes two fingers inside of her and groans at the heat of her around them. When he curls them she sucks in a breath and her head falls back, eyes closed. “Just like that.”

The feeling of his fingers curling right up against her spot makes her hips twitch. She grips his upper arms, feels the palm of his hand rub against her clit and she knows that it won’t take long until she’s falling off the edge again. She can tell that he knows it too, a smug smirk on his face as he watches the pleasure on her face intently.

“My gorgeous wife.” He growls and she whines, her back arching. “You like that, being called my wife?”

“Yes, Aaron, yes.” Her eyelids flutter open and she’s met by a predatory look on his face. His fingers are pushing harder against her, her slick sounding close to obscene as he moves them.

“And what am I?” He knows that he’s staining her thighs with precum, can’t help but to rut slightly against her to get some relief.

“My husband.” She moans, loud and breathy and he kisses her messily.

“That’s right.” He mutters against her lips as her body starts to tense. “Now come for me again.”

Her third orgasm is hard and fast, her body straining against his as he keeps moving his hand against her, even as her slick walls tighten around his fingers. He groans at the sight of her coming undone, knows that he needs to feel her around him and doesn’t waste any time between pulling his fingers out and then pushing his cock inside of her.

“Fuck!” She whimpers at the sudden fill of him, throbbing and deep. He’s sucking in a sharp breath, his face buried in her neck as he gives them both a moment before starting to thrust. She clings to him as he moves, her legs around his hips and her nails digging into his back and ribs.

“You feel so fucking good on my cock, sweetheart.” He grunts against her neck, tastes the sweat on her skin and feels how her pulse flutters wildly.

“You do too.” She knows that her nails will leave marks, that tomorrow when he showers he’ll feel the sting of them and want her again. He was insatiable, but so was she.

“Mine, you’re mine.” He pulls back enough to look at her face and is greeted by her heated eyes.

“I’m yours.” She grasps his neck and pulls him into a kiss. She doesn’t pull away until the need for air becomes too much, a whimper drawn from her lungs as he continues to push his hips against hers.

“You’re mine forever.” He’s panting, sweat covers his body as he looks down at her. She’s nodding before he’s even finished his sentence.

“Forever. And you’re mine.”

Her words only push him closer to the edge, something about knowing that they’d have forever together driving him wild. He can feel her clenching around him, and he moves faster, chasing his release and wanting them to come together.

“Aaron, I’m close.” She moans, the heat inside of her building by each thrust of his hips.

“Me too.” His forehead falls to her shoulder, his eyes closing tightly at the pleasure of her around him. “Come with me.”

She can only nod, any words lodged in her throat, the pleasure almost too much. It’s the feeling of his teeth biting down on her neck that sends her flying over the edge with a loud cry, her entire body buckling underneath his. She feels the heat of his release only seconds later, hears his grunt as he lets go and comes as deep inside of her as possible, his hips flush against hers.

For a few moments everything is still, the only sound their labored breathing. But then he rolls to the side and Emily follows him, wanting him as close as possible. She throws her leg over his hip and his arm moves around the small of her back to pull her against his chest.

“A lifetime of this doesn’t sound too bad.” She says and he chuckles.

“Doesn’t sound too bad at all.” He stamps a quick kiss to her lips, something soft and gentle before he lays his head on the pillow. “I can’t believe we’re finally married.”

“Me neither, thought it would never happen.” She pushes some hair out of her face before she mimics him and relaxes against the pillow. But then she feels his hand moving from her back to her thigh, his fingers soon moving through her folds, messy with them. “Honey-”

“What I do believe,” He interrupts her. “is that we are nowhere near done yet.”

[riverthebooknerd]

LINKED UNIVERSE HEADCANONS BECAUSE FUCK YOU

(mostly wild, time, twilight, sky, and wind centric cuz those are the main games i've played)

they're all trans

people think that time is the dad of the group but nah. it's twilight

four uses "we/us" pronouns (they/them but actually plural)

wild will either cook the most delicious fucking food you've ever seen in your goddamn life or a pile of rocks (canon)

wind can see ghosts. they all know this. however, sometimes he'll say that there's a spooky ghost when there's not just to freak them out (wild knows. he doesn't say shit bc it's funny)

sky can cook one (1) dish and it's pumpkin soup (he learned after he had to work at the lumpy pumpkin to repay them for breaking shit) (everything else he makes is inedible)

most of them are nonverbal (bc autism and also ptsd)

you'd think that time knows sign language but NO because he grew up in a forest around fairies who don't have? visible hands?? i think?? (he learns sign from wild)

also i've seen people say that time Doesn't Cuss which is simply Not True. let him say fuck. he deserves to say fuck.

the only one of them who doesn't cuss is probably sky. but there are exceptions

actually no i take it back. that fucker says fuck too

All Of Them Should Say Swear Words

please they're so tired just let them say fuck

the ones who have a hookshot are ecstatic to tell the ones without a hookshot about the joys of using it (ex: sky showing it off to wild, who has stars in his eyes, talking about how it'd make climbing in the rain so much easier)

speaking of sky and wild- the realize that there's a merchant named beetle in both of their eras. weird as shit. sky is like "wtf" but wild kinda just nods and goes "yeah okay why not sounds about right tbh"

nightmares

nightmares

have i mentioned nightmares? because they all have nightmares

also nearly all of them have had Queer Encounters and they vent about it!!

sky talking about how ghiriham was UNFAIRLY hot

twilight still sad over midna :( (they're gay btw don't question it they just are)

(wind is an exception bc. he's a fuckin child)

wild lowkey bein like "yeah tbh.... ganondorf before he was mummified?"

time has a wife. time loves his wife

wasn't there that one ship with hyrule/ravio?? haven't played that game so idk but they seem gay (edit: oop it was legend/ravio not hyrule/ravio lololol)

fuck what was this post about again?

they all sleep with a weapon under their pillow (or with no pillow!! just weapon! :] )

some of them (sky) are very heavy sleepers while others (time) are very light sleepers

it's a nice balance because twilight and wild will wake up at the ass crack of dawn and then wind won't wake up until noon. they make a schedule

people also portray them as being So Fucking Awkward but i disagree. have you PLAYED a zelda game? these fuckers will waltz into town, fix every single person's problems, and become the new village icon in the span of two hours. they're so fucking friendly omfg

like these fuckers have fought MONSTERS they've fought DRAGONS and CORPSES and the KING OF EVIL they ain't afraid of a little human interaction (except when they are)

hylia will throw them in a room together and they'll all be like "hi!! :] am link i go hyah" "omg no way me too!! :0 look at my shiny sword and my bag of bombs" "sick"

sky would be like so fucking guilty like "im sorry i failed and got cursed by a demon king guys :(((" and everyone else would be like "oh nah don't even worry about it lmao happens to all of us"

maybe i'll make a pt 2 once i finish my homework who knows

[conceptalbummultiverse]

Throwback Tuesday: The ending of the original Concept Album Extravaganza

So, I know it's traditional to do a throwback on Thursday but 1. I'm impatient and 2. I don't care. This month marks the twelfth anniversary of when I decided to sit down and start writing the insane concept album crossover fic that had been brewing inside my head, and in honor of that, I'm going to post a few things over the next few weeks to take a look back on this... unique story (which is currently being rewritten as Strange Fascination: A Love Story).

As I wrote in the notes when I first posted Strange Fascination, "Don't worry. The ending is VERY different this time around." Now, I can't actually reveal the new ending of SF: ALS, because I'm still working on it and spoilers are no fun, but all I can say is that it is indeed VERY DIFFERENT from the original ending of Concept Album Extravaganza. Here's a summary of the original ending:

In the original Concept Album Extravaganza, Pink (who goes by Floyd throughout the fic) reconciled with his wife, Audrey, and had a daughter with her. Just like in SF: ALS, Floyd accompanied Ziggy Stardust on his tour of America, and went home after Ziggy had been killed in Suffragette City. (In CAE, he was present in the theater to witness it, and was the one to take Ziggy to a hospital, only to be told that Ziggy had died shortly after he arrived. Speaking of which, in CAE the murder was premeditated and directly caused by the Spiders From Mars, but I changed my mind after revisiting Ziggy Stardust (the album) when I first started to work on SF: ALS, as I felt it would be more powerful and more accurate if "the kids had killed the man" (though Weird is indirectly responsible for it because he accidentally pushed Ziggy offstage, but at least he wasn't plotting with Gilly and Henry to straight-up stab Ziggy to death, like he was in CAE).

After Ziggy's death, Floyd went home to Audrey and his daughter Eva, and- as in SF: ALS- read Ziggy's diary. In the diary, Ziggy- who in CAE is openly known to Floyd, Audrey, and Eva as an alien- had mentioned wanting to be buried on Mars should he end up dying while on Earth, and Floyd decides it's his duty to honor that wish. His feelings increase when he receives a Christmas card from two friends he had made in America, Mylo & Xyloto. With Audrey & Eva, Floyd flies back out to America to meet with Mylo & Xyloto, who reveal to Floyd that Ziggy's body is currently being held at a government facility, undergoing testing (why the government released this information is beyond me, but... idk man, I was fifteen when I wrote this). With the help of Rael, who shows up in the story for... reasons that I honestly can't remember anymore (I think he was stalking Mylo & Xyloto, but I don't remember why and I also don't remember what made him seek them out in the first place), Floyd and Xyloto set out to invade the government facility and steal Ziggy's body back. Somehow, they do this. (The security guards at the facility are the stupidest guards of all time, let me put it to you that way.) Once they have Ziggy's body in their possession, there's some angsting over whether trying to travel to Mars is really the right thing to do, with the result being that Eva decides to stay with Mylo & Xyloto in America, while Floyd, Audrey, and Rael return to England to use Ziggy's spacecraft to travel to Mars. Floyd & Audrey promise to return for their daughter. (Spoilers: well that was a fucking lie.)

When Floyd, Audrey, and Rael arrive at Floyd's home, they find that it's been overrun by bandits who have taken it over in search of water, food, and shelter. The bandits (that's such a silly-sounding term but I can't think of how else to describe them) have weapons with them, and while Floyd & Audrey manage to safely board Ziggy's craft, Rael is shot in the process. The spacecraft leaves the Earth, but Rael dies from his gunshot wound within days. As he dies, Rael tells Floyd he loves him, and Floyd acknowledges Rael as the son that he never had. (I should also note here that CAE takes place AFTER the events of The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, and how I fit THAT story into the narrative is a story for another post.)

After months of travel, the spacecraft reaches Mars, and Floyd & Audrey give Ziggy a final burial. It's there that Ziggy's spirit speaks to Floyd, dropping the big reveal of the story. In CAE, all Martians have a way to "bond" with the people they choose as their life partners, weaving their souls together. Ziggy had bonded with Floyd while he was alive, and after he died, his soul entered Floyd's body, allowing Floyd to see his memories and feel his emotions. This explains, among other things, how Floyd was able to pilot Ziggy's spacecraft- he was relying on Ziggy's memories. Ziggy tells Floyd that he loved him, before his soul is laid to rest and he disappears to meet his other beloved, Serafina, in the afterlife. Floyd & Audrey leave Mars...

And then, shortly after reaching Earth, they die. I'm not revealing how they die. It's too fucked up for me to be comfortable with sharing that. The original story is out there on the Internet if you REALLY want to know. What's important to know is this: the last thing that Floyd & Audrey notice before they die is that a blood-red rain is beginning to fall, which in CAE was supposed to be a sign that the Earth is truly doomed and at the point where the damage done to it is irreversible. They already knew it had a five-year deadline, mind, it's just that the blood-red rain basically means: this planet is well and truly fucked and you can't do anything to save it.

Anyway, aside from a few significant details that I cut out because I'm going to use them in SF: ALS... none of this is going to happen in my new version of the story. It was truly a terribly-plotted story. And yet, I have to say that it was just bonkers enough for me to have some fondness for it. I was unfettered in every way, and I'm glad I felt free enough to share that story, even if anyone who read it probably thought I was insane.

[steve0discusses]

Ep 45 Part 1: Wife Gone, Miss Wife

Hey y’all, been a while! I fully blame this last unexpected haitus on Tears of the Kingdom. Also a billion other life things I won’t go into because 👏 I 👏 Want 👏 To 👏 Talk 👏 About 👏 Dead 👏 Wife 👏 !

Like damn, we’re coming back for just...a wild episode. Remember how a few episodes ago we finally united Seto with his long lost wife card? (and I had to check my notes and um...it was actually last episode if you count Kaiba, and only Ep 39 if you count Egyptian Seto. So uh...6 episodes.)

Remember that moment? Anyway, she dies this episode.

Yeah. Like. Damn. That quick huh? Knowing Yugioh’s track record with wifeys we’re pretty lucky she’s been on screen even that long before she went the Valon route and just full on died from one brush of cards with Joey.

Speaking of Joey, we last left the gang fumbling through a series of puzzles to unlock the pharaoh’s name. Bakura, disguised as Tristan, ran head first in there and threw off any semblance of a disguise and y’all, lets see how long it takes the guys to realize this isn’t Tristan.

Inside of this glowing door is a room with absolutely no light in it, which, don’t worry about it. That’s just a thing we do in art when we don’t want to draw a background--blow it out with light.

(Read more under the cut)

MAN I have questions about the support bricks on the wall, but for now we’ll ignore that and look at the even more confounding giant bricks on the ground.

faced with a wall of Egyptian text on this pair of ancient Egyptian sunglasses they drew on the floor, it is lucky that Bakura cursed Tristan’s bean or else they would have never gotten past this room.

They’re zooming right by the fact that their friend is reading ancient Egyptian. A friend who is best known for 1.) Being a student janitor because he failed to become class president, 2.) being head of a “melons” club, and 3.) punching god-strengthed villains in the face when he should know better. A god which definitely didn’t get pissed as hell and immediately possess his bean earlier today.

So he levels with Yugi, using the biggest most simple baby words that Bakura knows, and they still talk right completely round each other.

Hey remember in Season Zero when that effed up thing happened and we all assumed it would never show up in this remake? (and by we I mean me)

It freakin showed up. My audible gasp when this show remembered that Yugi cursed um ALL of his friends. Like and he just straight up told them? Just like this?

Like at the start of this arc he and Pharaoh did have a chat about how Yugi didn’t have friends before he came along, but I thought they were gonna glaze over it! But nah, he just laid it out there that the past few years were all because Yugi got bored between class and wanted a buddy.

The implications of “hey we would not be friends if I didn’t curse your ass” is already pretty deep. But doing it within a brain puzzle that you followed your friend into, despite the fact you could literally die doing this, and realizing...the only reason you’re in this puzzle to begin with is because you were cursed 2-3 years ago...

...this is the Yugioh I never thought would come back. This season, man! This season goes so freakin fast and so freakin hard through things that like...this could be a whole episode in another show.

But, this is Yugioh, so we’re gonna put a pin in that.

Because it’s time to go back to Seto Kaiba’s past life and his nearly dead stranger friend that we have collectively decided is his wife, and by “we” I mean literally everyone on this show but Aknadin.

Aknadin sure doesn’t know what a “wife” is, but he sure as hell knows what it ain’t.

Kissara runs towards Seto in this huge, empty boss arena that I would avoid like the plague in any video game.

And speaking of based, Seto Kaiba shows up. Because this episode wasn’t unhinged enough yet. Seto Kaiba is here to be the greek chorus of his own wife’s death.

He’s noticed. He’s noticed this is weird.

It’s a different storyboarder this season, but this storyboarder is still dropping some great frames. Look at this Seto they gave us, just snooping behind a pillar. New PFP just dropped (that is if anyone was even still using twitter which like, my life has been extremely blessed ever since I left it, we should all leave it together.)

So anyway she farts out a Blue Eyes on turn one, and Seto just kind of seethes from behind a pillar while trying to parse just anything that is going on.

Aknadin decides to shove her (well, her dragon...spirit...thing) into the rock tablet during the card shenanigans that followed. I, at first thought it was with an Orichalcos, and I got very excited about how complicated this season was going to get before I realized it wasn’t lime green.

I do not fully understand the card shenanigans at play here, it was not covered in my education playing through Yugioh Duel Masters (Master Duel) but it doesn’t matter because of the power of...love? or whatever the hell vibes are going on between these two goobers. They, with their vague as hell energy, will stand together against whatever life throws at them.

And by that, I mean literally dying 5 seconds afterwards

Seto Kaiba behind a pillar watched this go down, confused by whether he should feel anything at all by this random series of events between a girl he had half a conversation with, and a guy who looks like him except with guns the size of barrels.

Seto, filled with the pure anger of his wifey’s revenge, also immediately biffed it in solidarity.

Seto still remained behind the pillar, because why interrupt this? I mean yeah he looks like yourself and that girl absolutely died but eh...he’s gonna stay behind the pillar. Maybe if he had a duel disk he’d have thrown a couple cards and done some property damage. but as you can see, there are not helicopters or cranes to do property damage with.

So instead he remains behind the pillar, which they didn’t draw here in this next frame.

And on the back of a horse, in gallops Pharaoh.

I live for these popcorn moments in TV, where we’re like “hey, what if we just threw these characters in a weird blender and see how they reacted?” and this episode is just--everyone ends up in this one random spot and they all collectively are like like “what? The hell is happening?”

And we will see more of that next update.

As usual, here is the link to read these in chrono order:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

Next post will go up like tomorrow probably, but, may my post after that not take 2 months to make, lmao, I swear guys we are going to finish Season 5!

[drawmanations]

Tagged by @cyanichexanthine a while ago to list 9 favourite characters (ty for tagging me). This is very much late, my brain was just blanking. So, here's the list. It's in no particular order, apart from the first two

Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty)

You gotta expect Rick to be in here. RnM is my main fandom right now, and of course Rick would be a favourite character. He's sarcastic, snarky, an asshole and has a lot of emotional baggage.

I wouldn't say he's too complex, but definitely not simple.

2. Rick Prime (Rick and Morty)

Prime is very interesting. We somehow get so much information with how little time we have. Although, most of it may be headcanonning. Tbh, I think that's why he's fun, we can headcanon Prime bc of how little screentime he has when you step back and look at the series as a whole.

Of course, we do know a lot about him from what we were shown. Like he's also a snarky asshole who likes to toy with other people and mess with them. Even when he was dying he could still get under Rick's skin.

3. Louise Belcher (Bob's Burgers)

Louise has that kind of chaotic energy I vibe with. I think she and Bob are two of the best characters in the show, though that's not saying the other characters are worse.

4. Peril (Wings of Fire)

Peril is a very complex character with a very fucked up past.

When she was young, her mother was forced to give her to Scarlet, where she was then forced to grow up as a killer. Scarlet was very much abusive and she was isolated from everyone and everything.

Because of that path, everyone sees her as a killing machine and nothing more. Her attachment to Clay is unhealthy because of him being the only dragon to hear her our and see her for who she is, a traumatized dragon who only knows how to kill because of how she was raised. And I guess her having firescales and him having fireproof saes helps with that.

I like Peril because of how complex she is. And I hate how some of the fandom is victim blaming her.

5. Ex-Queen Scarlet (Wings of Fire)

She's a villain. A queen. She slays. Scarlet is my favourite villain in wof. Her design with the melted face is awesome, I really love her sadistic attitude too, bc off course I do.

I would strangle Scarlet lovingly

6. Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)

Mom Steve is all I have to say, and the fandom will get me. (I think... I'm not in the stranger things fandom, I just watched the show).

At first, I hated Steve, I thought he was an asshole and I watched to punch him. Now, if he dies, I will punch my TV. I've never switched so quickly with my liking for a character between two seasons of a show. I think... idk I don't watch many shows.

7. Jim Hopper (Stranger Things)

Jim is a cold and distant person turned adopted parent and I love him for that.

I also thought I would hate him. He seemed like lazy dude who would do nothing during the case. (Fun fact, I thought all the adults would be clueless and I would only like the kids, since most shows are like that). But he actually steps up in a big way.

I was worried that they would fuck him up in season 3 with him trying to break up Mike and Eleven. But, they made up for it, and I cried at the end of season 3.

I love him and Steve sm. Pls don't die.

8. Clive (Littlebigplanet 2)

Okay, this may be a bit weird, but hear me out.

This man is the best character in lbp2. He's so fucking depressed and I love him. Clive and his world are my favourite in LBP2.

9. Bob Belcher (Bob's Burgers)

Best cartoon dad, hands down. He's so chill and actually pays attention to his kids. Plus he isn't rude, offensive or a baby waiting for his wife to clean up after him. He's just a dad trying to do his job while also having 3 (if Tina counts) chaotic kids.

One of my favourite characters in Bob's burgers, fr.

That's the list. Idk who to tag so uh-...

👍

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Now that you’re finished Owl House: what are your thoughts?! How would you fix it if you wrote it? Do you have anything to fix?!

Oh man. I loved the entire thing and I loved all the subtle slaps to the face they gave Disney. You can just TELL they had a lot planned and couldn’t get to it. Very sad.

One thing I actually completely 1000000000% adore is that in the end, Luz beats Belos with Eda and King. The two people who looked at this weird ass human and decided “Yeah we like her. Weirdos stick together.’ These three started the show and they were there at the end, fighting the good fight. Freaking AWESOME. Also the ‘well we ain’t’ line before SMASH.

Honestly, if I had to say what I’d fix is really based on pacing and the introduction of characters. I’m still convinced they didn’t have Hunter in the first season because Disney would have jumped on him and tried to force him to be with Luz as the main pairing. However if they had still kept him in season 2 but had longer to do the show I think they could have had a really good redemption arc with him, bordering on Zuko level. Yet in a world where we didn’t have to worry about that: Hunter being in the first season and having his rivalry with both Lilith and Kikimora would be awesome. It would have also allowed for the development of HuntLow better. (I like it but it’s kind of a shallow ship for me sadly. Very little meat compared to the other ships)

I would have had Raine show up season 1 as well, to show that not everyone in the covens buy the pretty lies. But also cause they’re there that final moment of Belos and I think having them around, connecting to Luz, for a longer period would be really good.

More lore would have been epic. I wish they’d done way more build up for the King is a Titan reveal. I wish we had more info on the titans in general and maybe we could have had more hints of the Titan connecting to Luz (she has those brief moments in season 3 I’d love to expand on. Maybe the portal she made kick started it?)

I’d love to also have more drama with Vee. I have THOUGHTS on how Vee accuses Luz is being ungrateful. I wanted Luz to toss back that Vee doesn’t know her. That sure she might have liked the camp for teaching her how to be human, the other kids apparently hated it and called it prison. “How do you think I would have liked being sent away?”

“She loves you!”

“She wanted to CHANGE WHO I AM!”

I just want this anger. Because yes, Luz loves her mom. But I think that the anger is needed here, that we need to see Luz be angry that her mom decided she had to change. We already saw that it was born out of worry for her daughter but like… that’s still not okay. I want the anger. I want Luz to throw it in Vee’s face and then I want Luz to be pissed at her mother.

“What you’re going to make me give up what makes me happy again?! Were you happy I came back changed?! Did you ignore the glaring signs I was different because I was finally what you wanted?!”

I want the rage. I want it. Because I love how kind and generous Luz is.

And she deserves to get mad.

I just… there’s so much there. I wanted to see th development of Lumity over a longer period. It was great, my fav ship, but god there was so much potential of a good slow burn and character development. I wanted to see how Alador slowly became more invovled with his kids. I wanted to see him realize how his wife treats them all is horrific. I wanted to see Darius’s bitterness towards Hunter followed by a realization that this was a KID he was bullying.

There’s so much unseen I wish I could have had more of. I still rank the show 9/10 because of how good it is. But if I wasn’t ignoring how rushed it was, it would only be 5/10 because there’s so much there we could have had.

[chrysanthemumpink]

It's crazy but I've been watching Sister Wives and I've learned so much. I can't even begin to describe how much this show has helped me leave him. I've only watched the last 2 seasons and thats all I needed.

So this guy has 4 wives, 17 kids, and is a polygamist. Thoughts on polygamy and polyamary wasn't what got me. Whay got me was that this guy is actually a terrible husband. One guy, terrible to all 4 women and it felt like watching my own relationship issues from 4 different perspectives. In the end, one wife leaves him and its hard for her. Another wife leaves and it was easy emotionally, but before then, she tried so hard...not b\c she wanted him but b/c she felt trapped by finances, money, and her children's relationship with their father. Another one tried to leave too but it fell through. She felt humiliated and tried to win him back. She got scared and went back to what she thought was familiar and safe. And she's been trying for years. The husband is too proud to officially divorce but he has treated her coldly ever since. It's kind of pathetic. She's begging this man to love her again for reasons I don't understand but cant deny that I've been there before. The man is too much of a coward to say no.

And I'll start with the coward part, that's the last thing I said to him. I wanted for months to end things but there were so many excuses why he couldn't see me. I had to just text him. To be honest, we've broken up through text about 4 times. Not uncommon for us, but he took 4 days to respond to anything. There was something about maybe we can be friends or maybe in the future when "we are both in a better place." And my knee jerk reaction was "what the fuck?!" There was genuine anger. I've had this sense of anger for a while now but couldnt put it into words. Its hard to describe being angry at someone who is trying to salvage something. But one of the wives said something.

"You don't love me. Why won't you let me go."

And oh my God. Yes. That's what bothered me and what kept this relationship flip and flop for 4 years. I do think that there was love somewhere but he was too afraid to figure out what happened to that love or even admit that it was gone. Like no?? There is no future or doors left open. So I told him that he was a coward. Too afraid of losing me but also too afraid to admit it isn't working.

I will admit he was hard seeing him date someone else. It was even harder when I realized she was 22 and still in college. He's 34 in February. And that was just strange. I didn't think he was someone that would do that. It really made me wonder who it was I was actually dating. We broke up and it's like the person I knew doesn't exist anymore. Maybe I'm just jealous of a younger woman but I'm 27. I remember being 22, and dating someone like him is not something that would have ended well. Heck, I was 22 when I met him but he was 28. The first time we kissed was the day before his 29th birthday. It wasn't weird but you'd think he'd move forward, not backwards or whatever this is. And i find myself actually worried about this girl.

Anyway, I will admit it was hard to stay away. We've broken up before. In app honesty, him dating someone new never stopped us from getting back together. It sounds awful but I'll never forget when we wernt dating but definitely more than friends. And he asked me to hang out with him and his girlfriend because she was new in town and wanted friends. We went to the park and she told me that you said i loved Disney. I dont love Disney, he just inteprets anything animated as "Disney." I explained that and we laughed, two weeks later he said he couldn't stand her and missed laying his head in my lap. I guess I did have a chance to see who he really was.

But everytime I watched Sister Wives I could see myself in them. I knew what I wanted to be and what I didn't want to be. It made me feel less lonely in a way. Like it's possible to get through this. And I could watch how they did it and felt better.

This has gone on for too long. But I moved. Our long distance was supposed to be temporary. When I moved, we were supposed to become stronger and things would be better. We were going to discuss getting more serious, like m word serious. But we didn't make it till then. And now I'm here and I'm so glad he's not a part of this. I got a new phone and there's no pictures of him, no messages, and no desire to even add his number again. Hes gone and I really didn't think I'd get here.

I think he's gone for good now. If anyone reads this and I get back with him, you're allowed to yell at me. I kind of don't know what to do with myself now. I can't even imagine what another relationship would look like for me. That's how disillusioned I am. But I'm also really relieved it's over and that I don't miss him like I used too.

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2018 For one who slept 10 hours, I sure am dragging today with very little energy. I had a dream I was watching a Forensics episode about bringing down a corrupt cop. An aerial view of the pig on a freeway showed a banner streaming from his vehicle that read: You’ve Got Smalls, which was his smug, cocky and confident way of saying that the person trying to take him down had balls. The show went on to say that his ex-wife had accused him of being abusive.

Then I was on a beach somewhere watching this couple floating this strange little toy boat with an equally strange sea creature of some kind swimming about. Not sure if it was a sea lion or something else.

In another dream, I was noticing that my phone calls had the first two letters of my callers’ first and last names and thought it was an interesting new feature.

In the last dream, two others were present when one of them said something about food or weight as I approached a plate of food on a kitchen counter. I said I had no idea what my problem with food was, implying that I was eating too much and couldn’t stop.

I’m a little worried about Aly because she may have some early bone issues developing like osteoporosis and she also has some more Jase drama going on. She didn’t elaborate on that but she did say that she was on a prescription iron medication and going for injections twice a week, the poor girl. I thought she would be too young for osteo.

She’s getting set up in her new studio apartment and her parents are getting ready to move to North Carolina.

She likes working at the daycare but is otherwise not happy. She’s never had a relationship that lasted longer than 9 months, she’s got health issues, and I guess she would miss her parents once they moved, especially her dad. Her mother has always sounded like the negative, insensitive, controlling, judgmental bitch mine was.

Damn, though. 37 years old and never with anyone for more than 9 months, according to her. Either something’s wrong with her or she’s incredibly cursed in that department. I can see where the older she gets the more she wishes she could get into a relationship that would last more than a few months, but at least if there’s any good to short-term ones it’s that she gets to enjoy some variety.

The thing is that she’s attracted to the wrong kinds of people. At least I think that’s part of her problem. Just like she’s drawn to the most troubled and shy kids at the daycare center, she’s drawn to adults with problems. Like Kim and Molly. It’s hard to find stability in a relationship when you’re seeking out unstable partners. Being weird, unique and eccentric is one thing. Being messed up is another. She says that it’s been an equal amount of her dumping partners and them dumping her in the end and that Jase was the one to dump her who now wants her back. She’s let him know it’s too late.

From what little she’s told me about Lana is enough to tell me she can’t even come close to getting a lasting and stable relationship with her. The blue-haired woman who’s terrified of storms has admitted she’s out for sex only.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 30, 2018 When I realized 2 of my 6 bamboo plants were in clusters of 4 after reading the meanings below, I jumped up and changed that immediately. I should have known better! I discovered just how unlucky the number 4 is long before I learned that the Chinese know it’s an unlucky number.

I’m not usually superstitious, but interestingly enough, I stopped flaring upon getting the new trio of bamboos I just got and for the last few days I haven’t been nearly as hot flashy either.

I definitely feel better emotionally when I’m on days and of course, I sleep better at night without all the loud traffic. I wish I could always beyond days. I would definitely take the convenience and the way I feel better over the peacefulness of the nighttime (when the planes aren’t buzzing about).

I’m definitely going to make a bundle of 7 out of the 38-stalk bushel that I have coming. Instead of spending more money on vases, I got a clear but simple and cute flatware organizer that’s watertight to put them in.

I had to grab the proper food for them as Miracle-Gro isn’t recommended. Since bamboo plants don’t have dirt to buffer out Miracle-Gro’s acids, they recommend Green Green.

1 Stalk – simplicity, meaningful life 2 Stalks – best for luck in love and marriage 3 Stalks – happiness (Most popular) 4 Stalks – almost never given. (Four could draw negative energy, according to Chinese culture) 5 Stalks – academic achievement, creativity 6 Stalks - represent good luck and wealth. 7 Stalks – health 8 Stalks – luck in wealth 9 Stalks – good fortune and overall luck 10 Stalks – completion or perfection 21 Stalks – all-purpose blessing

And again that fucking car is back to coming around daily. Today and yesterday it came in at 7:30 in the morning. Was only here a few minutes, though.

Poor Aly. Her blood disease is acting up again.

I don’t know how I could have been so stupid as to think that the baby on Nissan’s profile was Asian and hers. It’s actually a baby picture of herself. I don’t know why I thought she looked Asian, LOL. I guess the angle or something. She’s definitely chosen to ignore me but it’s no surprise.

I like the new bidet but it’s easy to splash water all over the floor and toilet seat if you’re not careful.

I’m back on Bubbly now that I’ve come to realize it was actually my fault that the play button for some of the posts wasn’t showing up. It was because I posted it too soon. The site runs slow as hell and if you post a voice post too soon, the play button will not be visible.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29, 2018 I was watching an episode of Forensic Files earlier about a murder that took place in Phoenix, Arizona. Not long into the show, it hit me that I knew exactly where the murder took place.

In the mid-‘90s, I was sitting in my SIL’s backyard chatting with my MIL. She told me that two houses down, a family once lived that had a few kids. The guy killed his wife in the 60s and buried her in the backyard. Then a pool was built over it or some kind of concrete slab. A daughter who was 5 at the time it happened ratted on daddy over 20 years later.

The only thing that was wrong in the story’s reenactment scene was that it showed a two-story house. Well, there are hardly any two-story houses in Arizona, much less on the street it happened on. I forgot the name of the street. Citrus Way perhaps?

The daughter had been confused about the difference between being asleep and being dead as a little girl. Plus the father, an alcoholic who was abusive, threatened her life should she ever mention what happened. She and her younger sister witnessed her father beat their mother to death and then bury her in the corner of the backyard from a bedroom window.

Twenty-seven years later, the daughter told her story to the police and they used a ground-penetrating sensor to hunt for any disturbances. When they found one that was about 6 feet long and 2 feet wide in the area the daughter said they would, they dug up the skeletal remains of her mother. Daddy then went to prison for life.

Last night I dreamed Tom and I were leaving the house on our bikes. The house in the dream had several cement steps outside the door, though. We were about to head out when Tom finished drinking a milkshake and said he wanted to put the cup back inside first. I told him to just leave it by the door but he wanted to get a jacket anyway.

We hopped on our bikes a minute later and took off down the street. The Twenties were having company and were gathered in the middle of the street for some reason. A little boy I knew in the dream to visit regularly was running around erratically and I almost hit him.

Then we pulled up to a mall. A kid on a tricycle passed me. I looked inside the glass doors and thought it looked like a bunch of young people might be fighting. Curious to see if a brawl had broken out, I asked Tom to watch the bikes while I went in to use the bathroom which was where the dream ended.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28, 2018 We were talking about where we wanted to go for our next vacation and we looked into the Galapagos Islands. However, it would take forever to get there and I don’t want to spend half of the vacation in the air as much as I like to fly.

California is in a bad location for going on vacation because you’re limited distance-wise. Other than Hawaii and Mexico, everything is so far away.

We’ll more than likely go back to Hawaii which is fine. The question is when. We’ve got the money but not the time at the moment. We were going to go at the beginning of next year but I’m not sure about that.

I was reading a woman’s journal on another site who is my age who worries about dying and feels like she’s running out of time even though she’s not sick. I was kind of like, oh wow when I read that. Not only do I have the same concerns and fears but I too sometimes feel like I’m running out of time and I have no idea why. I guess maybe that’s just normal when you start getting older. I have no logical reason to think I’m running out of time. I’m mostly healthy and there’s no reason I couldn’t make it to my 80s and even my 90s.

I left a message for my dermatologist yesterday cuz unless you’re scheduling an appointment you have to leave a voice message. No one called me back. So now I’m going to call the direct line and see if I can get the damn ointment called in. If not, I’ll cancel my follow-up appointment and go somewhere else.

This morning I called the main line and was told that they did get my message and they did call in my ointment. Gee, thanks for letting me know yesterday! So I will begin it Friday night and hope for the best.

Love my new little trio of bamboos. Only problem is that the cactus vase leaks so I put them in a mug with small pastel flowers.

Last night I dreamed my cousin Lisa was all upset to see her mother’s picture on some guy’s wall somewhere because in her mind that told her that something dishonest and secretive had been kept from her for a long time, like maybe somebody having an affair.

Then I was in a bedroom with them and some guy that went to lunge at us from the other side of a double bed. Lori pulled a gun on him and I said, “Shoot him.”

But instead of doing that Lori looked at me and wistfully she said, “Drifting apart after so many years.”

I answered with, “We’ve learned a lot.”

Then I had some dream that we were in the desert again even though it didn’t look like the desert we lived in. I was in some building somewhere and it seemed like we were struggling and I thought how I didn’t care if we survived or not. Or maybe we were being held and questioned for some reason because there might have been a couple of cops around. I was sitting in a chair when I looked out a huge window and found the desert view to be very beautiful with its rocky mountains and such. I got up to look for my camera to take a picture of it. Not sure exactly where this was or the circumstances we were in.

Then I got the sudden urge for candy corn, something I very seldom have. There was a large tablet mounted to the wall in which I ordered the candy corns to be delivered in a short time. I was a little annoyed that they were $7 for being such a small bag but I really wanted those candy corns. I went downstairs in the building I was in and started to ask if anyone had seen the candy corn I ordered and found them sitting on a counter somewhere. I immediately tore the bag open and started scarfing them down.

is left. I'm giving you time. MONDAY, AUGUST 27, 2018 Lots of catching up to do. Will try to go in order of events. I believe I forgot to say that we stopped at Jack in the Box on the way home from the dermatologist on Friday. I’ll have a follow-up appointment on October 10th. She didn’t call in my prescription, though, so now I have to call the damn office today. Not going to start it till Friday night because I want Tom to be around when I do.

Once we were entering the park, I saw plumbers at Lawrence’s house in back right by the bedrooms. I worried that vehicle doors slamming would wake me up but they didn’t.

Skipping my meds today because I think I could be flaring. HR has been elevated, I’ve been flustered and warm more often, and am exhibiting other signs. Is this really going to be an issue on and off for the rest of my life? Sadly, I’m beginning to think yes.

I just wish the hot flashes would back off already! They’ve been really bad for months now and I would have thought that they’d be better by now. They’re especially bad at the start and end of my day.

I texted Marie but never got a reply. She probably doesn’t even have that number anymore. Also, even though she could be busy, Nissan’s doing what I figured she’d do…ignoring me. Amazing how well I can predict some people even if I barely knew them for 5 minutes and it was 3 decades ago. Then again, it really is just a matter of common sense. Most people can’t move on. Even I have a harder time moving on the older I get. In fact, after Aly told me how she’s getting quicker to anger with age, Tom and I were discussing how we’ve become less tolerant with age. Less concerned with what others think and less tolerant overall. Instead of getting used to some things, you get fed up with them instead.

Going to see if Tom wants to go out walking before work. We’ll have to watch out for skunks as usual. This really is a “never before” state. Never before have I known so many languages. Never before have I heard so much loud traffic. Never before have I heard so much landscaping. Never before have I heard so many planes. Never before have so many stores and restaurants blasted music. And never before have I seen so many skunks. I’ve had to dodge them two out of the last three times I was out.

I think Ray might have finally gotten his ass out of here. There was a moving truck down there the other day and when I was out riding late at night, there were no vehicles in the carport.

We went to Mel’s Diner after 3 a.m. yesterday and it was good but not great. The music was blasting and my grilled pork chops were just so-so. The diced potatoes and onions were a little better, the eggs even better, and believe it or not, the English muffin was the best of all, LOL.

At one point, a group of five young people came in and I thought, oh no, now I have to listen to loud people on top of loud music. But they were pretty quiet for a bunch of twentysomethings.

Got my panty grab bag and I’m just as happy with it as with my first order two years ago. This one is even better, even though there were 21 pairs instead of 30 because only a few pairs don’t fit well. One of them is on Suki. I got all kinds of colors and styles. Fortunately, there were no crotchless ones. Mostly g-strings. I’m wearing a very comfortable full-ass one now which is still good for skirts and dresses so as to avoid wedgies.

Ordered a cheap portable bidet. Would have loved to have something like this in jail or when we were in Gert, as we called the RV up in Oregon.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 25, 2018 Here we go with the fucking planes again. It must be 1:30 a.m. Yeah, that seems to be one of the times they love to make some annoying rounds.

Before I get into my good news, I heard from Nissan’s friend Mary F. Different eye color but based on the overall resemblance, I’m guessing it might be her sister. She said she would let Nissan know I was looking for her. I still don’t expect to hear from her because regardless of how many people preach forgiveness, people don’t forgive, forget and move on. At least most people don’t seem to. I’m sure I’ll be judged for how I was 30 years ago but if that’s the case, so be it. Again, she was no angel herself from what little I knew of her.

First I got a friend request from Irene’s friend Elisabeth whom I’m already friends with. Then I got a friend request from one of Elisabeth’s friends, Felicia. Then I got another request from one of her friends named Seigfried. These are all people in Austria. This was when it hit me that her account was probably cloned or someone was trying to impersonate her.

Before this happened I got a message from a Louise Dewey who had recently deactivated her Shady Jamie account. Remembering Marie once told me her middle name was Louise, and knowing she usually spelled her nickname as Duewi, I thought there might be a connection.

What’s up with all the fake names? I asked and got a sarcastic reply saying, “Thanks, I’ll delete you too. Thanks for humoring me all these years.”

Yeah, fine. Whatever. I’m just sick of the creation and deletion of multiple accounts, none with her real name. Do you know how suspicious that looks? And people adding me with the same name from more than one account? My God, how many fucking accounts does one need to stay connected and in touch?! It’s too hard to keep up with all the changes and additions and to know who’s for real and who’s not when people do this.

So I went to see Amy at Folsom Dermatology. While we were waiting in the waiting room, some guy in his 50s or 60s came into the room to fill out paperwork when he appeared to trip and then go crashing into a nearby table, knocking off its contents. The staff came running and he insisted his ankle turned out and he just had lousy balance but was otherwise fine. The staff was concerned he’d hit his head but he didn’t and I vouched for the guy on that one.

Anyway, I was very stressed out and depressed, thinking I was going to be told that my only options were oral or topical steroids. Knowing there was no way I could simply get used to so much burning and itching, especially the burning, made me want to beat my head into the wall.

To my surprise, however, I do have options! Real options with real hope. I forgot the name of it but later today we’re going to pick up a topical non-steroid ointment. The only catch with this is that people report burning the first 3 days. Well, if it isn’t worse than the horrible burning I got from the Mometasone then I should be able to survive it.

There are other options if this fails, including ultraviolet therapy which she referred to as phototherapy. So I’m hoping that this will be it! Even if I can’t cure it and I have to dab ointment down there regularly, if it will work to keep the shit from spreading or flaring up, fine. I’m willing to cut my losses and settle for that. Yes, I’m a little nervous about the new ointment but desperation makes you braver. She said something about a black box warning but I think that’s for oral use of the drug.

I just wish I could stop getting things that are permanent. I really need to start getting things that are either curable or that will just kill me if I’ve got to keep getting things, and I know damn well that if my LS is ever tamed, there will just be something else afterward. The Kim M’s of this world don’t realize just how easy they have it with their worst problems being a bitchy, bossy SIL and being made to brush their hair and teeth. It’s usually the nutjobs or the assholes that have it the easiest. I’m sure she always sleeps great and probably feels great too, most of the time.

They’re turning off the water for a few hours AGAIN on Monday, and once again I’ve chosen to vent my frustrations anonymously. When we moved in many years ago and were told the water would be off occasionally, I thought that meant a few times a year. Not a few times a month. This is utterly ridiculous! And again, shame on them for allowing motorcycles and extending the time kids can be at the pool. What’s next, loud car stereos? Kids being allowed to live here part-time? So much for thinking adult communities were peaceful since between loud traffic, regular projects, and daily landscaping that only needs to be done once a week, it’s anything but peaceful here.

Tom said the garbage trucks were loud and being weird. They didn’t wake me up, fortunately, thanks to the earbud but he said they kept driving back and forth long after the stuff was dumped. They’d drive down to the end of the street, turn around and leave.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 24, 2018 Yesterday sucked. I was so stressed out as well as depressed. I worried that my only options would be to suffer or die. Not having as rough of a day today as I expected, but I still worry for myself. To hell with worrying about actually growing old and dying. The biggest concern is all the suffering you do before you get there. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted something to just kill me right then and there!

Fell asleep at 11 a.m. and kept waking up every few minutes so I finally took a Benadryl shortly after noon. This didn’t help me sleep as soundly as I thought it would but I managed to sleep until 8. It’s going to be a long-ass day for me! My appointment isn’t until 10:45 and it may be close to noon before we get home.

I’ve been taking it easy, spending most of the time relaxing in bed. Although eczema isn’t lichen sclerosus, Aly has had ultraviolet light therapy which has helped her and I’m going to ask the PA about that, though I don’t know that that can be used down there. As Aly pointed out, it may be a matter of trial and error until I find what helps me the best. She’s used some prescription cream that doesn’t have steroids in it which she has also found helpful. Then she has some friends who also have skin issues and swear by turmeric.

I have a 3-stalk bamboo plant on the way. One is a 6” stalk and the other two are 4” stalks. I want to put the 6” stalk in the cactus vase I got shortly after we left Phoenix. The other two can join one of the other groups of bamboos I have in here. I now have 5, soon to be 6.

I’m also getting some novelty Tic Tac flavors… Blueberry, bubble gum and donut.

Last night I dreamed I was showing Simon to Stacey S. She told me that she had rats as well. I asked her what kind they were and she said “Midterms.” As I brought Simon out of a store that I either owned or worked at in which he roamed loose with Dumbo, I looked back as I crossed the street to go to Stacey’s place and saw that I’d left the door open. Dumbo slipped out and then I could have sworn I saw Burke alive and well again and with a full coat of fur. I hurried to show Stacey Simon so I could get back before the other rats could get too far.

When I got back to the store I saw that Dumbo was back inside but only for a minute because a kitten chased him back out. I hunted for him but couldn’t find him. Then some guy in the store said something like, “It’s a rat. You know how they are.”

Then there was this dream where I was standing outside in the back of someplace possibly smoking a cigarette. It was late afternoon and I noticed it was cool. Aloud I said, “It’s going to be pretty damn chilly in a few hours.”

Then someone walked by and I felt a little embarrassed that they heard me talking to myself. Then I went inside the house which was a small one-bedroom place on a concrete foundation.

I then entered the bedroom and placed some small plastic doll in a box.

Next, I went into the living room where Tom was. I knew I had to go with him somewhere to sign something and I thought we were leaving at that moment. But then he prepared to leave and said he would see me later.

I became a little bummed out when I realized I would be left alone.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 22, 2018 Feeling a bit anxious so I’ll skip my poison tomorrow just to be safe.

I’m also feeling tired and a little down. I’m sure part of it is because I slept shittily and I haven’t exactly been eating healthy either. I just wish I could stop worrying about death, dying and suffering and who’s going to be there for us in the end after opting out of having kids and the usual shit. The thing is I don’t just worry about the end. I worry about how much suffering we may have to do between now and the end. I have suffered so, so much for nearly half a decade now. You would think I would be used to it by now but some things you just can’t adapt to.

I used a Tucks pad after my shower in hopes of it keeping me from burning or itching.

I was thinking of the fallout I had with Tammy and my nieces and while I have always been a firm believer in being true to myself and as honest as possible with those close to me, sometimes I wonder if the people-pleasing might have been the better way to go. I swore I would never be a people pleaser but I can see where it would be easier if I just came out and apologized for everything. I mean everything. Even the things I didn’t do like supposedly telling Dad that I started talking with Lisa sooner than we did. After all, they wouldn’t know I was lying since they believe the lie is the truth, and then everybody would be happy and maybe we could all get along. But I would know I was lying and while being a people-pleaser may keep the peace, do I really want them in my life either way? They’ve chosen to ignore me so I don’t have a choice at the moment but I still have mixed emotions about having them in my life regardless. We’re very different from each other in personalities, interests and beliefs. Okay, so Tammy may share my feelings on Muslims and blacks, and she may like to read too, but for the most part, they’re religious, conceited, selfish, narcissistic, aggressive, emotionally, vindictive, unstable people. Would that really be good for me? Probably not. But a part of me is still sad that things have come to where they are now.

So do I be myself and risk losing people? Or do I be a people pleaser and keep the peace? I guess for now I’ll remain true to myself and honest with them which means only taking responsibility for what I’ve actually done and not what they think I’ve done. I may change my mind and my ways later on, but for now I’ll continue to be the way I usually am even if some may call it stubborn. Stubborn for not giving in to what they want to hear.

Anyway, it really does seem like something up there is determined to see to it that I sleep shitty when I sleep during the daytime no matter what. Traffic didn’t wake me up but I woke up a million times either just because, because I thought I smelled something weird, because of the neck knockers from too much sodium lately, because I had to pee, etc.

Tom doesn’t think they’re going to pave behind the house anytime soon. He says they wouldn’t have bothered to pave the sinkholes if they were going to. Well, I’m sure there will be something else soon enough. It may be by the park or one of the neighbors but there’s pretty much always something.

The only dream I remember despite waking up so much was something about reconnecting with Miss Perfect. I was sitting in a room chatting with her. I was on a couch and she sat in a plush chair sort of across from me and by a window. I had some treats on a plate on the arm of the couch. I went to pick up what looked like colorful sprinkles wrapped in this clear substance. I thought it would remain intact but before I could put it in my mouth, it burst and the sprinkles fell all over the couch and my lap.

Going through old journals has reminded me of some people from the past, both good and bad. Nissan P who is now Nissan C was one of them. I finally found her on Facebook. She has a couple of accounts but one doesn’t appear to have been updated since 2014 and the other since 2016. Both profile pictures look like they were taken in the ‘80s based on the type of picture and the hairstyle she had. Her makeup was done perfectly, she had a beautiful smile, and she was definitely a very attractive person. I’m sure that’s part of why she was such a judgmental bitch. Stereotypical or not, those are the ones who usually are.

What was weird was that in the account that hasn’t been updated since 2014 was a picture of an Asian baby that she referred to as her own child. But she’s 62 now. It seems odd that one would refer to themselves as “mama” if it was a grandkid, and she would have been in her late 50s when it was born which would be a bit late to be adopting, wouldn’t it?

I found her address and looked at her house on Google Maps. She’s lived in Springfield all her life. “Bet the bitch is in a gorgeous house,” I thought to myself, but nope. The house is actually kind of small and dumpy.

Oh, those fucking planes. Just when you think it’s nice that they’ve given you a break they start swarming round and round. I am so fucking sick of hearing that nonstop buzzing so much of the time! Nighttime is the only time there is no landscaping and other projects yet I still can’t have my fucking peace even then.

So anyway, I messaged Nissan on both accounts and apologized for not handling things too well back in the day though I didn’t think her stealing my “notes” on her, however borne of loneliness and wishful thinking they may have been, was exactly the right thing to do. Nonetheless, I told her I had no hard feelings and that while I had a lot of growing up to do back then, I was hurt that she turned on me like she did. I asked if she had anything to do with the prank calls I got in 1990 and if she knew Linda J but I don’t expect her to ever read the message, let alone actually respond to it. She’ll ignore or block but my guess is ignore.

She only has a few friends and has opted out of being added, so she’s either very private or very unliked.

I’m kind of tired of Marie’s up-and-down ways and feeling like I’m riding a roller coaster when dealing with her. She deactivates on Facebook regularly and changes accounts, and it’s just hard to keep up with her. One minute all is wonderful. She’s sworn off love, quit the booze, has her own place, and is working regularly. The next she’s broke, living with her sisters, jobless, and going through a breakup that’s never her fault. Ever. I could have left her on my friend list in case she reactivated but I decided to unfriend both her and Kim.

Yeah, Kim deactivated and told me she hardly used FB but Aly and I think she probably got into it with someone, deactivated, and has begun anew. I never could understand why she would do this and not just block the person she’s having problems with, but she’s known for multiple accounts and she’s likely still there. I don’t mind not being connected to her there, though. Twitter and texting are more than enough. I guess Facebook is her only connection to someone she went to high school with, according to Aly, so she wouldn’t just leave.

Later…

Another possibility for Nissan’s baby could be that Nissan is with a much younger woman who had the child. Could be a foster kid but it’s kind of hard to believe you would refer to yourself as its mama.

I’ve tried numerous times to look up Brenda and Kacey. But the last name Stephens is very common and the first name Kathleen is definitely very common. If Nissan didn’t have such a unique name it would have been much harder to find her.

Damn, I can’t imagine being 62 years old and spending every single year of it living there. To never live anywhere else but that dumpy city is a sad thought. At least to me anyway.

Here’s something weird. On one account she has no friends, likes or comments and on another, she has 3. I noticed that one of them appeared to block me and thought, why would a friend of hers that I never even contacted (though I did contact a different friend of hers in case she doesn’t check her messages, hoping they might give her a heads up) go and block me? My first thought was Nissan told him about me and he blocked me but then I figured that if that was really the case, Nissan would have blocked me as well. So I went into Tom’s account and couldn’t pull up that account from there either. So he probably deactivated or there’s some kind of glitch going on because I can’t believe he would block me while she didn’t and then magically know my husband’s name and which account was his to block.

I also shared one of Nissan’s updates and then invited her to Messenger on her other account, but my guess is that she hasn’t used Facebook in years.

Several months ago I did a prayer experiment even though I suspected what the results would be. I prayed to lose weight. I prayed for Kathleen’s friendship. And I prayed for the anxiety to never return. Well, not a single prayer was granted. Should I bother to pray for a response from Nissan, negative or not? Definitely not! There’s nothing up there. Nothing at all. And if there is, it ain’t listening to me. Well, if it is, it’s definitely ignoring me. Seriously, if I ever wanted to see my prayers answered, that would be easy as hell if I prayed for the “right” things. Watch, this is how I get them answered… Dear God, please make sure I have that nasty anxiety at least every now and then if you’re not going to give it to me as often as you used to. Please make sure I never lose more than a few pounds. Ever. Oh, and don’t forget to make sure I don’t hear a damn thing from Nissan, and if I ever see Kathleen again, make sure she doesn’t contact me even if she mentions getting together again. Lastly, always, always fill my days and even parts of my nights with plenty of noise, aches, pains, worries, and itchiness. Make me suffer more than half the time in some way shape or form. In fact, Why not pick out a new disease suitable for a piece of shit like me. Let’s see… How about lupus? No. I’ve got a better idea. Since you don’t quite hate me enough to kill me just yet, how about diabetes? Parkinson’s? Yeah, I think that would be great for a piece of shit like me. I deserve it for sure, so please God, please grant me all these things. Oh please, I know you will. You surely will! You love me. I know you do. You always love me when I ask for what I don’t want. I just know you do.

Nane is 58 today. I asked Christiane to please wish her a happy birthday. The dancing dots then appeared signaling that she was replying but nothing came through. Really hope Facebook isn’t on one of their failed message-send trips. Anyway, I still miss the judgmental hypocrite, so please God, make sure I never hear from her.

See? God really does answer some of my prayers after all…if He exists.

Now that guy’s account is visible again, so yeah, just a glitch.

Had a dream the old lady in Grand Prairie was just finishing up making her bed and I thought it hardly seemed wide enough for her and her husband. In real life, they have separate rooms just like Tom and I do. Speaking of her, she hasn’t looked in on me lately. Something wrong with her? She’s old and ill so there could be.

Got an Alexa device for the car and tomorrow I should have a 3-pack of medium brown hair dye. Definitely don’t have to dye it as much with the bangs and with how slow it grows these days.

MONDAY, AUGUST 20, 2018 Just came back from a rather interesting 10-minute walk in the gorgeous evening we’re having. First I accidentally scared the shit out of a woman that sounded exactly like Kathleen even if she didn’t look anything like her when I said hello to her. She didn’t hear me coming up behind her. She had come out to gaze at the moon.

Then I was nearly sprayed by a skunk. There’s an area coming back down the roller coaster heading toward the house that’s got both a retaining wall and a chain-link fence. Well, the thing had just jumped up onto the wall that was behind the fence as I passed by. I moved away quickly when I heard the sound. Then I would walk a few feet and it would follow. Then I would stop and it would stop. And back and forth and back and forth we went. Finally, I just booked it back to the house.

Will be seeing the PA at the dermatologist in Folsom on Friday. The doctor will be able to see me quickly if need be. Need to push my schedule 2 hours a day, 45 minutes more than it usually jumps on average. Good thing I like coffee!

Today has been the best day since I started burning really bad and once again I’m pretty sure that it was a reaction to the steroid cream. The question is what are my other options for when I start having the kind of burning (and itching) that comes with having LS? To think that I may be burning and itching even just half of the time I’ve got left to live makes me want to beat my head into the wall. Again, better than anxiety but no way to live. I still believe that quality of life is much more important than quantity. If I’m just going to suffer most days, then I’m not sure I want to live. The only thing that’s held me back this long is not wanting to abandon Tom when he should have 20-25 years left to live.

Chatted briefly with Marie and it’s the same old sorry story. The last time we talked she was supposedly doing great. She swore off love, booze, had her own place, and had a job delivering pets. Now she’s jobless, broke, and living with her sisters in New York after another failed relationship in which she claims the woman went psycho and wouldn’t leave her alone. As for the job, she says the guy she was working for turned out to be an asshole and owes her money.

She posted some pictures of herself. She’s all gray now. While she looks wonderfully fit and healthy, I still don’t get why you would want to look like a guy if you’re not attracted to them. I also don’t get why other lesbians would be attracted to that. Aren’t they too, supposed to not be attracted to men?

Got up at 1 p.m. and I have to stay up till he goes to work. That’s not until 5:30 a.m. So I’ll be having an extra cup of coffee tonight and hoping the planes quit annoying me. They’ve been bad again. With my shit luck I’ll make it till 5:30 but then will get up at the same time I did today and have to stay up even longer since Wednesday’s goal is going to be 7:30 a.m. Oh well. Worst case scenario, I fall asleep for a few hours in the early morning before the appointment, which is at 10:45.

Going to try to keep myself busy but not do anything too strenuous that will tire me down. That’s why I’m not going to exercise for long periods of time. Maybe I’ll finally finish my revenge story.

So far today we made a Safeway order which will be delivered tomorrow for some things we need until Friday when we do the regular order, plus I’ve chatted with Aly, and am doing writing-related projects. Later I’ll work on the dollhouse and maybe do some coloring.

I’m just glad I have the sleeping earbuds to lower my chances of traffic waking me up so I don’t have to have that stress on top of me as well. However, I think I know what the next road project is going to be and that’s paving the road that runs in back of the house. It looks terrible and I can’t believe they’re just going to leave it that way. They’ve been paving various sections of the park for quite a while now and it’s only inevitable that they get to us. It’s just a matter of what part of my schedule the road games will hit.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 19, 2018 Woke up in pain with my crotch feeling like it was on fire and got so pissed off and frustrated at the suffering I’ve been doing ever since we’ve lived here that I actually slammed my fist on my desk and flung off my portable AC and a bottle of water. OMG, I am just so, SO sick of suffering! While this may be the lesser evil, I am not going to be driven crazy all over again while I scramble to try to figure out how to make myself better. I will not play that game again. I will not.

I said I was done with the appointment game and that I was just going to suffer no matter what, but that’s easy to say until you have such intense burning and pain. Even though I know it’s not going to do me a damn bit of good, I may have to return to the dermatologist. Well, that is only if they don’t tell me they can’t get me in for 3 months or something like that. If that’s the case I may as well either continue suffering or go to Urgent Care.

I’m starting to wonder if some of this intense burning that’s been coming and going is actually steroid damage. So I’ve stopped the steroids. The thing is, what else can I do??? I’ve tried everything I can think of yet it’s not responding to anything. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of pattern. It comes on whenever and it stops whenever. I’m not sure seeing anybody about it is going to help because we already know it’s not an infection and it’s not cancer so why go for temporary solutions that have side effects? If they can’t help me I’m going to have to either accept and live with the pain or kill myself. There really doesn’t seem to be much else I can do.

I can’t help but wonder if there is a God up there that has made this happen or is at least allowing it to happen or if it’s all just random. I want so bad to throw in the towel and just kill myself but I don’t know that I’d have the guts unless anything happened to Tom, and I don’t want to abandon him when he may have another 20-25 years left to live.

Besides suffering, I got a wireless earbud like what Tom has only mine is rose gold instead of white.

I continue to hear annoying landscaping sounds every single day and right now I’m wishing that was my only complaint. I really miss the days when my problems were external. Even the allergy attacks I would have would be better than this. This shit is even worse than my TMJ. It’s not as bad as anxiety but it’s worse than being light-headed or tired.

I had a dream that I was sleeping on a cot in the same room my parents were sleeping in. It may have been a living room. I heard rustling coming from another part of the house and woke them up, certain that someone had broken in. Then I could see light and shadows moving under the doorway just as they were pushing the covers off their faces which led to another part of the house.

Then I had a dream that I was talking to both Andy and Marla on the phone. Later I was sitting by myself in a restaurant booth, looking out the window and silently scolding myself for spending too much time on social media and the phone when I should be doing other things.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 18, 2018 I unblocked Palma and “reacted” to a couple of her posts. Just curious as to what her reaction might be. I realize I was just being unnecessarily paranoid by blocking her, and even if she did say anything nasty to me, so what? They’re just words. All I have to do is ignore her and or block her again for good.

Just when I thought I was getting better since I didn’t have much pain yesterday, I’m back to burning to the point that I feel like someone took a razor and made a little slit down there or like they’re pinching me between their fingernails. It was driving me crazy enough to take a Benadryl so I could escape in sleep if only for a few hours since nothing else I did seemed to help. It’s a little better now but not much.

I just don’t know what to do. Do I go back to the dermatologist? Do I stop the steroids?

Even though this is definitely the lesser of the two evils, I feel like I’m going through the same shit I went through with the anxiety of going crazy trying to figure out how to help myself, and feeling like it’s never going to end. I will not, and I repeat, I will not succumb to another medical crisis! If there is a God up there who has chosen to inflict this upon me, I will not give in to it. I will not be a victim of one medical crisis after another for the rest of my life. I simply will not.

I would really like to just accept the fact that it’s not going away, toughen up, and hope it doesn’t get worse. I’d really like to just learn to live with it and hope I get so used to it that I don’t even notice it anymore if that’s even possible since it’s that severe. Yes, I worry about it getting worse to the point that it’s hard for me to even walk, and yes, I worry about it obstructing my pee hole, but I’m tired of being a victim of one problem after another. I need to learn to ignore these things as best as I can for ignorance really is bliss. Yes, it’s hard to ignore something when you’re in that much pain but I really need to move on. I’m not old and I don’t have anything terminal, so since I have many years ahead of me, I need to learn to just live with the shit I get in life whether it’s coming at me by happenstance or from something up there that wants me to suffer. I’m not going to let this be the next long-term crisis even if it may not compare to the freeloaders, poverty, and the anxiety crises. It may not be a crisis but it may be the new ear that was really TMJ and I’m determined not to let it get to me. I want to just wash my hands clean of it, walk away and ignore it like I should have with the freeloaders’ legal abuse down in Arizona. As I’ve learned, I can either sit back and take it, fight back, or just not give in to it by letting it get to me so much. It’s not going away, so since this problem is mine for life, I just have to accept it like with my TMJ, my thyroid, my weight, and everything else. So time to be a good little sufferer.

We went to Michael’s in the afternoon and while they had some cute things that I would have then been quick to grab had I found them in the ‘90s, I didn’t end up getting anything because I already have so much stuff.

Then we went swimming. We were the only ones there. I just wish they would heat the damn pool normally instead of being so greedy! The water was pretty chilly because we had some cool nights. And even though we weren’t there long, this annoying plane was buzzing round and round. Ironically enough, though, the flying has been better overall since I complained. Of course I had to listen to tree saws and traffic, though.

Last night I dreamed about Johnson. I’m not sure what the dream was about but it seemed to have something to do with me being her girlfriend. I don’t know if I was just thinking about being her girlfriend or if I actually was.

Then Nane was in a dream but I don’t remember enough of it to say what it was about.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 17, 2018 Feeling much better than I have the last few days. Yesterday I was burning so badly and feeling really hopeless. Just maybe the Emuaid will help after all. Wondering if the steroids could be responsible for some of the burning.

Yesterday I was pissed because you can no longer message doctors through the portal due to changes they’re making. It said something about possibly being able to message them again as soon as September 19th. What that really translates to is you’re probably not going to be able to message them for a very long time if ever again.

Checking into bidets and thinking that might be a good thing to have. If we were in Florida, the temperature wouldn’t matter. But since it gets pretty cold here in the winters, I’d like one that heats the water. I don’t need a warm dryer because I can always use toilet paper to dry myself.

Tom looked at me down there yesterday and he said it looks normal even though he could see the white spots that usually come with LS.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 16, 2018 Today’s one of those days when I want to cry. However, the tears don’t come easy when you’ve had EMDR. I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m frustrated, and I’m worried. Still having burning galore down there and I’m unable to message my doctor over the portal. The assholes are making changes and so now we might be able to message them again as soon as September 19th.

I know I could call but treatment isn’t helping me, and even if it did, it’s just a quick fix. The Emuaid is looking like it was a waste of money and I don’t think the Tucks helps either. It’s like something up there wants me to suffer. I’m wondering if the steroids might be making me worse. They should stop the burning, not worsen it.

I’m tired of running to doctors and I want to just ignore this but I don’t know if the pain will let me. It’s like something not only wants me to suffer but wants to keep me going to doctors regularly. I could make an appointment with the dermatologist but again, all I’m going to get is a quick fix that comes with plenty of side effects, and it will probably take months to get in to see someone to begin with.

The best I can do is learn to suffer and hope I can adapt to this kind of pain and that it doesn’t get worse by sealing any openings, particularly my urethra and ass. I wonder if I’ll always be deformed down there but how I look doesn’t matter as opposed to how I feel. It’s just that how I look is a sign of how advanced it’s gotten. I really worry it’s gonna block my pee hole.

Why is it that ever since we moved into this house I’ve had nothing but health issues galore and I’ve had to listen to more noise than all the places I’ve lived in combined? The only good we have here is money. Damn, do I miss the days when my problems were external! Instead, I’m afraid I’m going to keep racking up one incurable disease after another. The symptoms for LS are worse than the hypo symptoms because those don’t hurt. They’re annoying as hell but they don’t cause pain like LS.

I don’t know if there’s a connection but I’m also peeing up a storm like I would when I’d be waterlogged. Lately, I’ve been having to get up twice during my sleep to pee.

I don’t know what to do. I really feel stuck on this one and like it’s either live to suffer or drop dead.

The only thing I have to look forward to is a whole lot of food at the end of the day. We’ve got a huge variety coming. I realize I got carried away with the sodium and therefore my blood pressure is up, but I’ll get back on track soon enough if I’m ever not distracted by pain. For now, I really needed a break from the same old, same old, so I’ve got all kinds of things coming that are both healthy and not. They had a deal where if you get $150 of groceries they give you $25 off, so that’s why we got so much. It’s easy to jack the price up when you attack the seafood section. So I will be indulging in coconut-fried shrimp, baked shrimp, and shrimp scampi like crazy!

I was all set to cut my hair because I’m sick of it and it never grows anymore but then I decided to start wearing it in a braid as much as I can and see if that coaxes any growth. I’m going to be cutting it soon enough either way because I’m tired of long hair.

Last night I dreamed we were living in an apartment building and we met this guy who was our neighbor. I’m not sure which one of us moved in first but he didn’t seem all there. Even though he asked if I would not cook anything after 9 p.m. so the smell wouldn’t bother him, I agreed, saying that if anything it would help me cut back.

Then there was some dream about telling Dr. O that I was testing my own TSH which seemed to be worse.

In the last dream, I got a call from Kathleen and she seemed really overworked and overburdened. I think she was more than just the office administrator in the dream but she also did some of the dental work as well.

Then I was at the dentist’s office which looked nothing like it does and said, “So you won’t be able to see me?”

She looked doubtful and then whispered in secret to me that they were looking for a new dentist which I knew meant that the dentist was retiring soon.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15, 2018 If it’s normal to pee just 6 times a day, why have I already done that after being up for just two and a half hours?

Woke up to a chilly 74 degrees inside the house. I don’t like it under 76 degrees.

I wonder if the Twenties had their church group over last night? If they did they sure were quiet about it.

Lichen sclerosis might be spelled lichen sclerosus but I’ll just call it LS. Still hurting down there but not as bad as yesterday. We went and ordered that Emuaid but I probably won’t start using it until tomorrow because it’s going to come towards the end of my day. We’ll see. For now, I gently sprayed water down there without using soap as was recommended online. Then I dabbed the area with an apple cider vinegar-soaked cotton ball, and then I put the aquifer on.

Tom thinks that since stress can aggravate autoimmune diseases the stress of the roadwork over the last couple of days added to my pain. I just hate whatever is up there if there is anything up there, and I really hope there isn’t! Again, I’d hate to think there’s something up there that could control this and help me but has chosen to sit on its ass while I suffer. It may not be like when I was in the worst of my anxiety but it’s definitely not comfortable walking around feeling like your crotch is on fire and worrying that it’s going to get progressively worse to the point that you might need surgery. Thankfully, it can’t get in the vag. You try to keep it from getting worse but as soon as you take a day off from steroids, which you can’t use every single day of your life, it spreads.

Last night I had a dream that I was visiting someone who lived in my grandparents’ house. Unlike in reality, I could see the house I lived in from that house. Whoever was living in my house had removed the shed and the fences in back so that they could drive around to the back of the house and park additional cars there. In the time I visited, I noticed the same car came and went a few times and thought of how that was so typical to come and go that often in modern times.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 14, 2018 The only dreams I remember were very vague snippets. Larry was to visit Andy’s family. When I caught Andy alone at one point I asked if my brother was still there (they might have been having dinner somewhere) and he said he left after saying he had “murder to grow.” I knew this meant that he was involved in law enforcement somehow.

Then my mother was sitting at a small table with Charlotte. Charlotte looked at me funny and I wondered if it was because I had gained weight since she last saw me or if she just wasn’t all there. Either way, I ignored her and reminded my mother that the two mannequins we got were for me to learn to sew and that we needed to get working on that. I guess we were doing a project together.

Then Mom and some guy were visiting. I was on the couch while they were on the floor. We were watching a video they’d made. I told Mom to let me know if she wanted to sit on the couch. Then Tom and I were in another room watching the vid on a larger couch.

My new rat tote is awesome! The large photo of the Berkshire rat on it is clear and cool looking. I’m able to put my purse right inside it. This way I get a quick and easy change from a pink purse to a rat tote without having to empty out and move my stuff.

Still have irritation right at the opening of my pussy and I wonder just how bad it could get if I stop treating it. Is my crotch the new ear? The new ear that turned out to be TMJ that I’ll have to suffer from for 12 years before someone finally suggests something that’s actually helpful?

I wish I had something good to say other than that the noise has been absolutely maddening around here. If someone had told me that the noisiest place I would live in would be an adult community, I would have laughed my ass off. Although I’ve only lived in one, it tells me that it’s pointless to confine our searches to adult communities only when we go to move.

Later…

I think I found my next crisis. Or better yet, I think it found me. The lichen sclerosis I have is getting worse. Further research shows that it can change the looks of you down there as well as with male privates, though it’s usually something that affects postmenopausal women, and sometimes you may need surgery because the inner and outer lips can stick together. Lovely, huh?

So I took a look down there and yeah, it looks deformed. I can’t feel my clit either. Some woman who shared her story said something about the clit flattening and having treatment to get it to re-emerge. So I guess it’s there since so far I’m still able to pee as usual but it’s mashed flat or something like that.

It’s gross and disgusting and it makes me so fucking angry. If there is a God up there, damn the motherfucker to hell and back! As if I haven’t had enough shit in life. It is literally one thing after another with me. I don’t know that this will escalate to a full-scale crisis in the way it did with the shitsters in Arizona, the poverty we went through, or what I went through with my meds and anxiety, but it’s bad enough. I’m inflamed, in pain, and burning a hell of a lot more than I am itching. Definitely too noticeable to ignore. I’m fucked if this shit causes me to bleed and affects my ass. I can’t imagine being able to shit if this thing invades my ass any more than I can imagine being able to have sex with the way it’s really affected the area around my pussy.

My research shows that it’s not deadly in any way and can’t get inside the vag but I still worry it’s going to keep getting worse to the point that I’m not even able to walk. What happens when I start bleeding? What happens if it hurts too much to pee? What happens if it hurts too much to shit? Then what? It can partially block the urethra and cause a “spray” to the piss but it hasn’t gotten to that point yet.

Some say apple cider vinegar, as well as coconut oil, can relieve the symptoms and then there’s this natural remedy backed by a board-certified doctor called Emuaid but I’m just not sure what the fuck to do anymore. Or even if there is anything I can do but suffer and hope I one day get used to it somehow, some way.

I’m just tired of having one thing after another! It’s like something up there hexed me sexually all my life by denying me true lust and pairing me with sexually defunct partners, and now it’s cursing my very sex directly. What’s next? Will it go after my uterus or something? I really wish I would get something that would just kill me but I know I won’t. If there’s anything up there, then it obviously wants me to suffer so it’s not going to kill me just yet. I could wish I’d kept my mouth shut about the spot on my back, but I know that had I not said anything it would have simply resulted in more pain and aggravation for me. Not death.

I’d like to not give whatever may be up there that has thrown this on me the satisfaction of giving into it, but again, some things you just can’t ignore. I’d like to just close my mind and eyes to it and simply walk away but then I may suffer even more. Or maybe not. I just don’t know. I’ve been dealing with it, after all, by treating it, and I’m still suffering. So how do you ignore something that you can’t?

I don’t know if this should make me feel more picked on or not but while thyroid diseases are very common and there are something like 30 million cases in the US, there are less than 200,000 cases of lichen sclerosis in the country.

The only good thing I have to say at the moment is that other than the time the loud car came in at 7:30 in the morning, it’s definitely putting in much fewer appearances.

Also, the roadwork has wound down even though I know that in a matter of days, someone will start another project somewhere that I’ll have to listen to for days if not weeks on end.

I also got my horse tats and my glittery birds and flowers. They look nice. I have a flower and bird on my chest and arm, and a horse on my hand and calf.

So far I’ve assembled three dressers, a desk, a chair, a shelf, and the bathtub. Next, I have to do a vanity basket, the sink and mirror, and then the beds and patio furniture. After that, I can begin the actual assembly of the house. There may be some outdoor accessories as well to assemble like plants.

MONDAY, AUGUST 13, 2018 I love it when people post whatever they want regardless of who it may offend, expect nothing but support, then get all upset should I post something they don’t understand or like. Well, just for the record, never again will I explain or defend anything I post. You post what you want. I’ll post what I want. And yes, this time you’re correct in assuming I’m talking about you, and while I will always love and support you, I have just as much right to be myself as you do, and well, you know who you are. ;-)

The above paragraph is not only very true but is something I posted publicly on Facebook as well as on Blogger. Just letting people know where I stand without any hard feelings of any kind. I just get tired of the dual standards at times. I’m expected to just smile, support and accept what others do while they call me out when I speak my own mind about whatever and that’s just wrong. It’s selfish. It’s unfair. And I have zero tolerance for one-sided relationships of any kind.

There are some people that I will always love but I definitely don’t always like them. I understand that we all have faults and no one’s perfect, but hey, you can’t expect to be hypocritical and judgmental of others and for everyone to be okay with that because some of us aren’t. I know I’m not. My Facebook account is not only my Facebook account and while I never include sensitive info, my journal is also my journal. If I’ve got something to say in my accounts, I’ll say it. So should others in their accounts WITHOUT questioning the rights of others to do the very same thing in their accounts. :-)

I have gone over and over again in my mind whether or not I should wish Tammy a happy birthday and happy anniversary on Facebook later this week but then decided against it because she hasn’t responded to my last message. She and her fat brats are just too selfish, narcissistic, aggressive, emotional, paranoid, not always very bright, and I don’t want or need that kind of drama in my life. Just like with Andy, I feel there is more negative to positive to being connected with them, and I would rather let that positive go in order to avoid the negative. If they contact me and want to talk, though, then fine. It could be that she hasn’t responded because she’s been sick…as usual.

Interesting info from Bob just now. Do he and Virginia have an enemy or something? I saw him walking out back with his coffee when I went to see what was going on down the street. I asked him if they were replacing the cobblestone and he said he didn’t know. I told him I still can’t believe how much goes on here and then he reached into a bush just beyond where his garage is and said, “Who the hell is breaking these off?”

Apparently, someone’s been going around breaking off branches to one of their bushes. They appeared to have been cut off. He pulled out three of them. Knowing how well he keeps up on his place, they certainly weren’t sticking out into the road so it makes me wonder if they pissed someone off because who would take the time to pick on just that one bush? If they’re picking on others of theirs, I don’t know. If someone is targeting them that would be an ideal bush to pick on because they can’t see back there as easily.

I didn’t find anything funny-looking within our stuff. It just looks bad as usual. Half dead, overgrown shit that we usually have.

I was telling him about Tom’s ear and he said he finally broke down and got hearing aids a while back and I said I would love to trade with them. He laughed and asked if I like tomatoes. He said they’re ripening funny this year and he’ll give me a few over the next few days. I guess they’re half-ripe or something.

It’ll be interesting to get Tom’s take on the branch cutting. Definitely didn’t look like they would fall off and they definitely appeared to be cut. They wouldn’t need a saw to do it. Not sure they could be broken off by hand but pruning shears would do it. I’m not only curious but hoping there’s no senile nutjob doing this that is going to work on our place next, although unlike him, we could use the pruning!

So I talked to Mr. Twenties during the chaos and this isn’t just about filling in sinkholes. Comcast fucked up just like I said they would and knew they would so I could be cursed with having to listen to repairs. They cut some sewer lines and that’s why Roto-Rooter has been around. So it’s a complex situation. I’m sure they’re fucking up the repairs too and that in less than a month I’ll have to listen to this shit all over again. Thank God I’m not trying to sleep now because even with the earbud I would think the vibration would wake me up.

So Jon tells me he’s no longer doing Facebook much because of the way they’re spying on its users. He also complains about selecting not to be tracked yet his browsers track him anyway. As I told him, I don’t care who knows what I do online. Then he says, “I’ve got three strikes against me. I’m a vet. I’m a Christian. And I’m a conservative.”

I guess in his mind he feels this will set him up to be harassed in some way. I joked with him and said well I’ve got marks against me, too. I’m liberal and my family was Jewish. Then he went into this whole speech about how special Jews are and that’s why they’ve been persecuted so much. I guess people are jealous of us Jews that are born with one ear, to bitches like my mother, get to be a ward of the state, get to go through poverty, be sexually hexed, develop annoying and incurable diseases, and have the ultimate sleep curse from hell. Yes, do persecute me for that. I deserve it if I’m going to be that special. rolls eyes

He feels the same way as far as blacks and Muslims go though admits that he has known some blacks who were wonderful. Yeah, I’ve known a few as well. It’s just that the pit bulls far outnumber the Basenjis.

They finally got the bastard that ran him over. He says he’s in jail and will never be able to drive again. They’re awaiting trial. I’m happy for him but couldn’t help but feel a touch of sadness for myself in that I know that had I been the victim, they would still be running around out there never to be held accountable.

I knew it. I just knew it. I was hoping the new daycare job Aly started today would mean she wouldn’t be able to text me while she was there. I said to myself, watch, she’ll probably sneak in a text during lunch or break. Looks like she did just that too, but I’m not going to pick them up until after 1 o’clock my time just like I told her earlier. It would be great if she eventually went to full-time and could text less often. I love her and I love texting. Just not a dozen times a day.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 12, 2018 Been horribly drowsy today even though I slept fine. I suspect my steroid ointment. I probably put too much on and I definitely didn’t wipe afterward.

I’m going to be too tired to do much work on the dollhouse today. So far I only managed to make a pillow that’s barely as big as my pinky fingernail.

Aly starts work part-time at a daycare center tomorrow. Hoping she won’t be able to text me while she’s working. LOL, first I missed hearing from her and now I wish I’d hear from her a little less often. Too much is simply too much. Plus, there’s only so much I can update her on in the course of a few hours or less. I’m sure she’ll find ways to text me during breaks, though, just like Marie would.

Last night I dreamed that Lisa gave a sad “reaction” to something I posted to someone else’s FB wall, signaling to me that she no longer held a grudge against me. Then I learned she was getting married. In the dream, I wondered if she would have kids and noticed her profile picture was incredibly beautiful.

In reality, she could never react to a comment of mine unless she created another account to do it from because I’ve got her blocked as well. I know she would never unblock me either or forgive me for what I did and didn’t do to her. Just the fact that she blocked me around the time I went to Florida told me that much as well as not getting a response to the letter I gave to Tammy to give to her, assuming Tammy really did give it to her. I apologized for what I’m truly guilty of and that’s really all I can do. Her behavior has shown that I’m better off without her in my life. It may not be her fault that she’s bipolar but those are very hard to deal with. All nice and lovey-dovey one minute, then angry, accusatory and paranoid the next. I don’t need that hate and rage in my life. The whole damn family is like one big emotional bomb and I don’t want to get hit by the blast whenever there are explosions.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 11, 2018 Just when I thought it was so nice that I haven’t heard that loud car in a while, it came in at 7:30 a.m. yesterday. I knew it wouldn’t stay away forever but I was hoping for a little more time off.

Been feeling so good lately. I’m sleeping better, I haven’t had any anxiety, I’ve had more energy, and I wish to hell I could always feel this good. Enjoying good movies, listening to good books, and indulging in fun shopping.

Went to Sam’s earlier and stocked up on all kinds of goodies and am slowly putting together the dollhouse kit. It’s difficult to see the tiny pieces but I’m working on it little by little. Gluing the items can be a bit tricky. One of the flower vases is literally a diamond-shaped bead.

Painting the horse family, too. Papa horse is black, Mama horse is gray, and the baby horse is brown.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 2018 Yesterday was annoying but not maddening. That might not be until Monday and Tuesday when they’re paving right by the house. Only that’s not as loud as the grinding they did down the street. I went out back out and saw them on Tandy and Blucher and those who lived in that area probably would have found it bordering on maddening.

After this is done I’m sure there’ll just be something else within a month or so. This place definitely holds the record as far as roadwork, home renovations/services, landscaping and loud traffic goes.

I’m glad I’m on days on account of this latest chaos but my schedule otherwise sucks for today because I’ll be crashing right before the groceries are delivered as well as my dollhouse and paint kits.

Tom is going to be looking into getting a new doctor nearby with Sutter and getting a second opinion on his ear. Where I had horrible doctors when I was with Sutter and I have good ones with Mercy, it seems to be the other way around with him. His Sutter doctors were okay but his Mercy doctors have been a joke. It’s so true too, that a doctor can be good for one but bad for another. My ENT has been great with me but she and the woman he saw the other day have been passing him back and forth like a football insisting that they need to see the other doctor first and then the non-ENT doctor finally said she never heard of anyone with his type of problem. So it’s obviously about money and they may have even misdiagnosed him as well. Never heard of his case? Come on, you gotta either be dumb as fuck or pretty damn inexperienced not to. Furthermore, it’s pretty fucking sad that we seem to have to go through a few doctors before we finally get one that helps us. Shouldn’t any doctor be able to do that no matter who we may or may not have seen before?

I was reading back on the time when I was most into Nane and a part of me misses having a Nane to look forward to. The way I would eagerly check for anything she might have sent while I slept when I would first get up; I kind of miss that. I don’t miss how upset I would get when I wouldn’t hear from her for a while. I could almost slap myself for that one. That was silly. Especially since she was someone I never met face-to-face. Okay, so the people online may still be just as human as they are offline but still…

All I remember for dreams last night was being with this medium-sized dog that might have been my parents. I’m not sure what breed it was but it snarled at me, and although I wasn’t afraid of it, I closed it in a bedroom. The bed was in the room to begin with but when I later went in there, the dog was still there but the bed wasn’t. I looked up at the ceiling and noticed marks on it that I’d never noticed before. Then I threw the dog a cookie but instead of the cookie landing on the floor, it literally began flying around the room.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 9, 2018 The “blood sun” that’s visible in the early part of the day due to the wildfires, which are now the largest in California’s history, is a bit spooky. Firefighters from New Zealand and Australia have come over to help fight it. I can sometimes smell faint traces of smoke when I’m outside. It’s a damn good thing we didn’t move to Redding! When considering places upon coming down from Oregon, Redding was one of the places we considered.

Tom’s appointment yesterday turned out to be a waste of $30 because he was told they don’t have a hearing aid for his type of distortion. And they couldn’t tell him this before because…???

So I guess it’s back to the ENT to be rendered deaf in that ear. They inject some chemical into the nerve. He would rather not hear at all in that ear than for there to be so much annoying distortion and ringing. He still wonders if there’s something else wrong that they may have missed, something with the nerve.

I wouldn’t mind a little deafness myself with what’s about to go down here in the park. My God, I am so fucking sick of all the daytime noise here! Today, as well as Monday and Tuesday, they’re going to be grinding and repaving parts of nearby roads. It’s just one thing after another and it totally gets old. It will only be a matter of days too, before the next project. This is easily the noisiest place I’ve ever lived. Not even the nights are always quiet when you’ve got so many planes running around up there. I’m just dumbfounded by all the noise being in an adult community of all places. I lived in Phoenix for 6 years and only once did they do roadwork there. But this is the 4th or 5th time in the 5 years we’ve been here. Plus there’s still the daily landscaping that should be only once a week like most places, and there have also been more home renovations/services in the 5 years I’ve been here than in all the places I’ve lived in combined. I won’t get into how many loud vehicles I have to deal with as well. Sure, I’ve got headphones I could throw on but I shouldn’t have to live that way, especially in a place like this. I really thought retirement communities were quiet and maybe some of them are. Just not this one. Probably still have another half a decade to go before he retires, but we’re both definitely looking forward to that day and moving to a warmer climate somewhere. Quiet is hard to get these days so I’ll settle for warmer and cheaper.

Decided to pull my stuff off of Amazon and hang that endeavor up because it’s just not worth working so hard for so little. The only way to make serious money as an author is to be either famous or infamous. Well, I’m never going to be either one of those and I don’t want to be either. Will definitely keep doing it for fun, though, and share some stories on various sites.

The only recent dream I remember is suddenly discovering that I was super flexible. Despite so much going on here, the new sleeping earbuds have allowed me to sleep better overall which means I’m remembering fewer dreams. But yeah, I was showing someone how I could squat really low and do the scissor splits, LOL. But I could only do the splits if I pressed my body against the leg that was extended in front of me.

I’m totally excited for my first DIY dollhouse kit which will be here tomorrow, along with a miniature family of horses and paints. They’re like the miniature animals I collect only you paint them yourself. There are two adult horses and a colt.

We went to Safeway yesterday and today we ordered groceries online. Their prices are outrageous!

As we were on our way back yesterday some cock nearly sideswiped us and I was reminded once again just how angry and disgusted I am with society in general. Tom feels the way I do although he doesn’t hate certain groups in the way I do or anything like that. He feels that most people are just dumb, annoying and highly incompetent no matter who/what they are. True, but I still think some tend to be worse, just like the pit bull tends to be more aggressive than the poodle.

So many things are wrong in the world. So many things neither of us can comprehend as to why people don’t see it nor do something about it. Florida declined to do the right thing by banning loud car stereos because it’s considered “freedom of expression.”

What the fuck is wrong with people? Really, just what the fuck is wrong with them?! So people who are woken up at 3 in the morning are supposed to just laugh, roll over and tell themselves that’s just people expressing themselves? It’s okay to piss people off as long as you express yourself through music and not with certain words?

Seriously, why are these things still legal? Why are dogs treated better than people as to date there is no assisted suicide in all states for the terminally ill? Why aren’t women paid as much as men? Why don’t the cops keep a database of all license numbers and have a device set up to disable any vehicles they wish to stop rather than endanger innocent bystanders on high-speed chases? Why aren’t these simple, obvious things in existence? And why do we have so many sick, twisted, unfair and totally wrong things in existence that shouldn’t be?

When Tom was agreeing that the pigs should have such a thing as disabling cars, he said, “Don’t freak out, but the power company could turn our AC off.”

Apparently, if there’s a heatwave or something they can cycle everyone’s AC off for about 15 minutes at a time so it would only go up about a degree in here, and they would even have to pay us. I can sort of see why they might do this but I’m not sure I like the idea because it makes me feel controlled and like a kid all over again with others deciding how I use my own things and when.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2018 The sun has never looked so red here. I’m guessing it has to do with the wildfires further north.

Using the schedule predictor program, I was able to reschedule my endo appointment. It worked great and it’s a really awesome program. The only problem is that now I have to wait till October 15th but oh well. It’s not like it’s an emergency.

I’m back to voice blogging on Tumblr using Vocaroo’s recorder. I don’t know how long that will last but we’ll see. There’s another online recorder I would have preferred to use that sounds better and snips any silent sections but it literally takes forever to download.

I’m sitting here going back and forth in my mind as to whether or not I should publish any more books because I’m just never going to make any real money that way. There are simply too many books out there despite so many people not being able to write very well and lacking interest in reading. It really does seem like you have to be famous or infamous in order to make sales.

Then something hit me. If the Revenge story ever reaches anyone that “inspired” it, particularly the black bitch, I could very well become infamous. I just know that had the internet been what it is now 18 years ago, I would have been trending everywhere, as sick, sad, twisted and unfair as it may be (though I wonder how many would’ve wondered why something so petty was getting the same attention murderers and celebrities get as opposed to automatically siding with blacks). That would have generated a huge amount of sales at least for a while. It would be my shit luck to make sales after I was dead, too.

I would appreciate it if the story not only reached the intended readers but was also kept between us as it always should have been but I would rather it reach them and become infamous in death than for it not to reach them and nothing to happen. If I don’t die till my late 70s, though, there’s no saying how many of them may still be around but sooner or later the story is definitely going to be out there either way just like their “story” on me is out there. And there it will remain forever for when we delete things they’re never really deleted. I’m going to spread it like wildfire on as many sites as I can that may be available at the time, reducing the chances of it not being publicly and easily accessible somewhere even if some sites take it down. We’ll either kill ourselves together someday or I’ll kill myself alone because he died unexpectedly and I’ll launch it before this happens, or I’ll simply schedule it. I’ll probably schedule it at some point regardless for a date that we’ll both definitely be gone in case we’re both suddenly killed in a car crash or something. No way I’m going to live till I’m 85 or 90 so I might do it for that time. It just depends. It’s too soon to make any plans as far as that goes but it will definitely be out there someday unless we’re both suddenly killed in a car accident or a meteorite falls on our heads today.

Still watching the Forensic Files and still not understanding why they don’t keep rapists in jail forever. Better yet, why they don’t kill them? They’re not changeable, redeemable, or curable in any way. No rapist could possibly be set free after doing jail time and expected not to rape again unless they either become disabled or a would-be victim stops them. So why do we let them return to society just to repeat their crimes and oftentimes even worse when they graduate to murder? Just do the right thing, for God’s sake, and kill the bastards!

I’m worried about Aly right now because she and Jase are fighting. If they break up, she won’t be coming out here. There’s no way she can afford an apartment of her own or to travel anywhere given how much debt she says she’s in. Well, I hope for her sake that they’re able to move on. Especially now that they’re getting older. He’s all upset because a childhood friend of his committed suicide and he’s pushing Aly away, who’s sleeping in the guest room. Not a very great way to handle things. I know you can’t make people talk and that they have to be given some space at times and be allowed to open up on their own terms when they’re ready to, but that just doesn’t seem like a very nice guy to do something like that.

MONDAY, AUGUST 6, 2018 My GYN finally contacted me online to say that I don’t have any bacterial or yeast infections. Again, I have mixed emotions about that. I may have a medication phobia but a part of me wishes it was an infection because then I could get rid of it along with more of the irritation with antibiotics.

Amazingly, I haven’t gained back all my weight. Just three of the five pounds I lost. I know I’ll never get under the 150s but I’ve been slacking off, so back to mostly veggies and a lot of walking!

Took the bike out just after midnight and the for-sale sign at Ray’s house doesn’t say it’s sold yet but the lights were on inside and the drapes were parted when I rode by and could see that their built-in bookcase was empty. I caught a glimpse of Ray on his patio, probably smoking a cigarette. By the time I looped around the circle, went down to the lake and back, then returned to the circle, the light was still on but the drapes were closed and Ray was inside. Get outa here you grumpy, gossiping, delusional old fart!

Sometimes I get bored and wish for something to break up the monotony. Even when you really enjoy doing the things you do, doing them every day with little to no variety thrown in can get old. Yet as excited as I am for Aly’s upcoming visit and our Hawaiian vacation, I get more worried due to the fact that my schedule gets harder and harder to control with time. I used to have some control over it but now I have virtually none.

I’ll have to reschedule Dr. O for sure. I’d like to think I’m not going to get anxious ever again and that I could just cancel her and never see her again, but I know that’s not realistic. I expect the anxiety to get me anytime now since I’ve been taking the medication consistently for almost a month. I learned years ago not to think I’m over anything for good. My heart may not have raced me awake in quite a while so there are a few things that do seem to be a thing of the past, but it was only a couple of months ago that I was last anxious.

Walmart should be calling both of our doctors today with refill requests.

The schedule thing is a definite curse from above if there is anything up there and definitely life-debilitating. More so than any other problem I’ve had. Not that I ever plan to find out but I can just imagine how much harder it would be for me to survive half a year in jail in this day and age with the way it’s not only gotten harder to control my schedule but harder for me to deal with being short on sleep. Plus, there are health issues I didn’t have before. I shudder to think of women incarcerated going through similar health issues.

I worry about the future. I know I shouldn’t keep doing this year after year but I do. I can’t help but wonder how we’re going to manage in the end. I don’t drive, I can’t keep a schedule, so where does that leave me? I know self-driving cars are likely to be a thing when we’re old but I still worry in general. I worry about how I would handle additional health issues and appointments and I especially worry about who would be there for us if we were really suffering and disabled. Neither of us would ever want to be in a nursing home any more than we’d ever want to be in jail. Even nursing homes require schedules and even if they would be a helluva lot more understanding when it came to circadian rhythm disorder than any jail would be, still… I couldn’t just sleep there whenever.

The only dream I remember last night was Bob and Virginia being over here and me worried that Virginia would freak out because the rats were loose.

They had a dog name Rosa and Bob joked about going home and kicking the shit out of her, something I’m sure he would never say in real life, of course, much less actually do.

I can tell Aly’s depression is picking up and with the way she whined on Twitter about no one being around that she’s reached out to and questioning life, friendship and the genuineness of people, I wonder if I’m on the verge of being dumped again. But you know what? If I am, I am. I know that as smart as she may be she’s not always very stable. Also, I’ve learned from experience that being dumped a second time by the same person doesn’t have the same impact the initial dumping has. In other words, I wouldn’t bother to try to keep the friendship going if there was another fallout with her or Kim. While I definitely want to remain friends, I ain’t going to fight for shit if she ever lets me go again. I won’t troll her but I won’t “work” to get her back either. Not saying that’s going to happen but she’s definitely having a rough time of it now.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 5, 2018 Damn this park! Just damn it to hell and back. The next loud, annoying project that I’ll have to listen to that’s going to last for days will be from the 9th to the 13th. When they filled in the holes they made when they dug for the new irrigation system, they sunk a bit so they’re going to be fixing those. The only two good things are that I’ll be up during that time so there’s no risk of being woken up, and they’re not going to be grinding the street in back of us. There are others they’re going to be grounding so I’m sure I’ll still hear it and plenty more as tons of loud vehicles roar by.

I’m surprised they’re not going to do the section between us and the Twenties because there are a couple of dips there from when they filled in holes after the Internet upgrade. I always avoid them when biking through there, not so much because they’re dangerous but because they’re annoying.

Last night I bashed the Walmart on Auburn Boulevard on both Google and Yelp. We wasted half an hour shopping just to find one of the aisles was closed because it was being mopped. The guy wouldn’t even let me get the items I needed. Fed up with part of the store being closed, the blasting music, the shelf stockers in the way, we left and went to Raley’s instead. They played music too, but not as loud. Also, the workers obstructed only one aisle.

“Where are we going to shop from now on?” I asked. “Raley’s is pretty expensive.”

So Tom did a little research and we’re going to try Safeway’s delivery service. We’ve seen them delivering for some people in the park. They used to deliver for Jackie when she was here.

Last night I dreamed that Arizona and California were the same state, though I don’t know what it was called. Some neighbor somewhere was annoying me with engine gunning and I guess I was back on probation because Scott was really into the idea of me becoming the lead singer for a band that was managed by people he knew. I thought it was rather interesting too, since he never heard me sing.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 4, 2018 I’m not too tired tonight but sure enough, the fucking earbud loosened and the garbage truck woke me up. I swear it’s like something wants me to be woken up no matter what I do.

My lab tests were finally posted and one particular type of bacteria was detected but it seems to be a “friendly” bacteria. It’s called Lactobacillus. Nothing’s been posted on Mercy but since no one’s called me or anything, I’m not worried about it. It doesn’t seem to be anything that requires treatment.

Had a couple of detailed dreams last night that I remember well. I had three baby rats and noticed they were getting bigger. The cage they lived in didn’t look anything like the one I have and I noticed there was a gap on the bottom large enough for one of them to squeeze through, and one did. It was a cute rat with skunk-like markings that I called Skunky. I picked it up and gave it kisses which it returned on my chin. I put it back inside the cage, looked away for a minute, and saw it had escaped again while I turned away. So I put “Skunky” back in the cage and looked for something to block the gap with.

Then I had another Florida dream. They’ve been awfully frequent lately for not moving there for half a decade or so. It certainly makes me wonder but I still don’t see what opportunity would come up to cause us to move sooner.

Anyway, I was talking to an older lady that was in her sixties who was making me a skirt. I told her I wanted the waist kind of big because I didn’t like anything too tight-fitting. She seemed to think this was silly and began to argue at first but then stopped.

We seemed to be in a public place and were sitting in what might have been a booth in a restaurant. I slid into the booth next to her and said, “Let’s enjoy the view.” But the view was a mini waterfall or stream of sorts instead of any kind of ocean, lake or pond.

Then she asked me why we moved there and I told her for the variety. “I’ve done four seasons, I’ve done the desert, I’ve done the in-between climates, and now I’m doing tropical.”

Then I asked her if it was common for most places to have nice views and if apartments tended to be noisy.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 3, 2018 Wasn’t going to do an entry tonight but then said what the hell? I was up forever and finally took a Melatonin. I slept shitty on and off for the next 10 hours. Traffic didn’t wake me up. I just kept waking up on my own. One time I got up to pee and mentally went through the dreams I remembered having. But by the time I got up for good, I forgot them all. Oh well. Happens sometimes.

The huge five-hour jump in schedule is a little worrisome even though Tom says not to worry about it. But I’ve been having more insomnia lately and it’s been harder to control my schedule when I actually want to and that worries me a bit for Hawaii if we really do go. At least I still sleep better when on days…usually.

Took the bike out, first going around the circle, TV blasting as usual at the house across from Bob and Virginia, then down to the lake and back for one more loop around the circle. The weather was gorgeous. I only saw one vehicle that was pulling out from in front of the clubhouse which was a bit weird since that and the office closes by 6:00. Maybe it was one of the maintenance workers or something. They followed me back up to the corner here but didn’t enter the circle. I love it when there are no cars so I can go barreling down the hills. I still have to break a little bit when going around corners just in case someone’s coming, which sort of slows me down when coming back uphill, so it’s a definite workout for my legs!

So I got up, exchanged texts with my bestie, then later Kim, and found my first perfume atomizer waiting for me. It’s Light Blue. I’ve had this before but it’s a good one. Very strong and spicy-smelling. I give it about an 8 or 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. Great travel size for when we go on trips. The gold atomizer is nice and the large perfume vial is removable so the atomizer can be refilled. It’s supposed to be a 30-day supply so we’ll see how long it lasts if I spray myself once on the wrist and once on the chest each day all month.

I’m all excited about these DIY kits I accidentally discovered on Amazon where you build little dollhouses of sorts. They’re not for dolls or anything. They’re just 3D decorative miniature rooms of various kinds. They have whole houses, bedrooms, offices, coffee shops, greenhouses, art studios and much more. They’re very inexpensive as well. I’m going to start with a $25 dome house, which is predominantly pink, my favorite color, and has a rotating musical base. I guess it takes an average of 20 hours to assemble it. It should be way fun! It has LED lights in it so if you do a bedroom that has a chandelier or a lamp, it lights up. It basically looks like any room or home would look like that was lit up at night.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1, 2018 The only dreams I remember last night had to do with asking somebody to get me an inhaler. Then these two young girls that I would often pass by on the street when out walking told me that every time I pass by them I’m wearing the same shirt. It seemed to be some gray shirt with writing on it and unlike anything I would actually wear. I told them maybe next time I would surprise them with something different.

In real life, last night’s blood moon was pretty cool when I was out riding my bike. I wasn’t content to stick to the circle so I went down to the lake and back.

Got my white chocolate mocha tea today and it’s weird as hell. Going to give it to Aly to try when I see her. She’s just a few months away now, which is pretty damn exciting!

Even though I’m definitely not going to lose any more than the five pounds I’ve lost, I’m going to keep up with the puzzle walking because that way I at least know I’m getting enough exercise and I’m not likely to put the lost weight back on easily.

Checked out my childhood home, which was next to my maternal grandparents on Google Maps and was blown away by what I saw. There used to be woods behind our houses in the 70s that extended quite a ways, like several blocks or so. There are still some trees behind our place but gone are the woods behind Nana and Pa’s place where Pa used to dump his lawn mower clippings. Now it’s someone else’s backyard and there’s a dividing fence between the yards. They appear to have extended the dead end, as were most of the streets off of Frank Smith, back further. The one behind us. Huge mansions are now present that make our house look puny.

Nana and Papa would not like it at all. Now, instead of looking out their den window at their backyard and the woods just beyond, they would see their backyard, a wall, and the tops of houses beyond it. I can just imagine how much noisier it must have gotten, too. The bulldozing of all those trees, which is kind of sad, and the erecting of the new house and wall must have provided plenty of noise for the neighbors as it was. I can also imagine what the place will look like in another 40 years. I would guess that eventually the yards will be mostly gone and the houses will be just a few feet apart like they tend to be in the West.

It turns out that all the company at the Twenties’ place had to do with their church group visiting which they said would be every other Tuesday. Not a thrilling thing to know that 7 or 8 vehicles are going to be here that often, but if I didn’t look out and see them, I probably never would have noticed because they were pretty quiet about it.

[bethany-thinking]

Read Along: For Women Only: Your Love Is Not Enough (part 1)

In this series, I'll reread a book that was handed to me as a young mom or wife to read and write random reactions to it now that I have almost 20 years of marriage and 15+ of being a parent under my belt. I'm going to start with For Women Only. While this certainly not the worst book recommended to me in some ways it's one of the more deceptive with it's flashy, modern cover and appeal to science.

I'm starting with chapter two because it's more interesting.

Chapter 2: Your Love Is Not Enough: Why Your Respect Means More to Him Then Even His Affection

This chapter is built on the assumption that if given a choice men would chose to be alone and unloved over being inadequate and disrespected, whereas women will chose the opposite. This is based on a story, a survey question, and a tenuous Bible interpretation. The Bare Marriage website has in-depth articles on the issues with the survey.

You don't have to be a survey expert though to see that the book is taking a weird direction when Feldham states that most of the men taking her survey had trouble answering the question so then it occurred to her that it must be because they thought respect equalled love. Maybe that should have been the point where she realized writing a book about how men need respect and women need love is a bad idea because it's really difficult to have a good relationship without both (for men and women).

She then goes on to say that many women are just perplexed when their husbands don't feel respected because they wonder "what did I say". No worries, Feldman will solve this for us perplexed women by pretty much just telling us not to say anything that might make our husbands feel the least bit uncomfortable.

How do you know when you have crossed that disrespect line? Feldman has the answer for that too. Watch for anger! Do I need more respect if I'm feeling anger that this book was handed to me as a young wife?

Okay, so respect has to be earned right? Nope, Feldman tells us that respect is to be unconditional just like love this is based on the sketchy interpretation of Eph 5. Also, respect is a choice. And, it's "not real unless you show it". Okay, so now that we know our husbands are going to be angry if we don't do this and we have to do it no matter how they act and that it's a choice that we have to embrace 100%, let's find out what it means to respect our husbands! Need #1: Respect His Judgement

defer to their judgement not treat him like a kid trust his decision-making abilities Okay, this all seems fair but honestly, women need this too. They don't want to be treated like kids either or disrespected when they have an opinion based on knowledge.

Need #2: Respect his abilities

Men need to figure out stuff for themselves. How do we enable this?

Don't offer to help them fix the DVD player. Feldman says this shows distrust (in italics!)

In fact, this quote is so great it gets one of those special quote boxes, "Problem is, we want to help them--and guess how they interpret that? You got it: distrust."

Also, we shouldn't ask them to stop and get directions (thank goodness for GPS so at least Siri can help out). In fact, if you tell your man to get directions you are interfering with him "conquering Everest" It's not clear whether you are allowed to turn on Google Maps or correct a wrong turn in my edition of the book. Maybe that's updated in a later version!

"Next time your husband stubbornly drives in circles, ask yourself what is more important: being on time to the party or his feeling trusted."

The section concludes with telling you not to "tell him how" and to support him. Feldman does allow for some "true advice" but we need to watch out because it quickly becomes "instruction." Also, if you don't want to stand up for your man because he doesn't deserve it, you don't get an out there. Feldman says you should do it anyway because it will lift you both up.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983) Trailer" on YouTube

Mystery is kind of strange my story is odd and strange and Hera was born into a strange area doing work as an egotarian, and looks like a monster that looks fairly decent I looked fairly decent but I was stuck within all of these and I worried about looking evil and looking like I had well and that guy is on their side and this kind of shows it. Also it's strange because they sit there and demand to be fixed by mine and demand health supposedly not a big deal but explains that there's a price for it and it's not really that subtle and people do it here everyday it's supposed to be not a big deal but to the main actor there who finds it horrible and thinks that I'm enslaving people there's a dialogue and it's rather confusing you can see Lilith she's revived and they're saying it's someone's wife when it is and there's a penalty for raising her because they want to kidnap her

Zues Hera

Museum struggle a little since I don't know I don't remember the movie in the end the circus goes away and much the same fashion that the one on the west coast does and they are missing and nobody can tell what they are or who they are and our son says it like the first movie she's dropped down and she's the star and they're young in the movies are strange and seem I did not really that important it's all Cody and they are important and that's how they feel a lot of the time and they try and do the ACT and they try and make it worse on them so she's dropped down and she's the center of it and the Giant and she crushes them and 2° and is freed so to speak with the analogy is pretty rich she's free but not free and she could end up like she does in this movie like her sister if she's not careful what is that she is pulled out of the cavern. Intact and as a woman and she changed into a clown with fierce teeth escaped and arrives on the East Coast and this is happening very soon tonight really and then they both vanish tomorrow night it's going to try and kidnap Jen and does try and fails it is really after Lilith and he feels miserably he doesn't have anybody help and he's nothing he tries to on the East Coast and you don't even see him much you see Mike too and he leaves and he has several appearances one of them is in Ghostbusters is Vigo and she's gozer there are different movies but they're back to back and they start out west and you think that it's Chrissy but it's not and she's not possessed she is probably sent to people up there and they go missing

With his introduction is a bit more old-fashioned and he always says that so it's done in a different period but that's how it was in West for a little bit and Concord things were slow and it was weird like this too and the reason why they're saying it is you're calling them the devil and you're calling her Lilith and it wasn't true and she never showed up in human form you said that's true too but there are sun was. It's going to happen shortly I'm going to point out where but their arrival is important and what happens to the movies is important and there's a lot of death around it and and a whole bunch of you die permanently trying to steal the power in the meantime

-the force of the morlock was cut in half they kept it trying to attack they saw others succeed and they had to try and do something 30% of Max bunkers are destroyed another 20% are partially invaded and mostly they're going to be destroyed they are being called out for what they're doing The shield is 50% down it's a war on them the warlock are down to 5% of the general populace and if their number same number old enough and that's the only off Island 15 to 20% on Island to count all the islands and many evacuated to the island's true but to make them very rude and obnoxiously arrogant everybody is attacking the morlock and everyone's attacking the clones who are the Western hemisphere will have no base shortly and the eastern hemisphere the same to have no basis the bunkers around the ships are being attacked and corky has not defeated one he is considered to be a massive wimp and imbecile same with Trump

Thor Freya

You're actually sick of them they're spoiled rotten mean and useless and we're going after them globally

Olympus