#This has absolutely nothing to do with anything I've been doing
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"No." Chrissy crosses her arms over her chest.
Eddie flops onto the bed dramatically, fucks it up, and slides onto the floor.
"But what about-"
"No."
"Chrissy-"
"No. This is it. This is your last chance. No fucking about, no forgiveness, no come back, you get that, right?"
"Yeah but they said that every other-"
"The label is ready to drop you."
"What?" Eddie screeches and climbs up off the floor. He's shirtless and sweaty, his hair half sicking up half sticking to his sweat. "They can't do that."
"They can. They will. The lawyers are already involved, Gareth's ready to walk away."
Eddie feels like he's just been slapped. Punched. Like he fell maybe, like that moment when you're nearly asleep but your body jolts you awake, a half remembered dream that you just tripped and went head first off the stage. "You're lying-" Chrissy doesn't lie, "Gareth. The guys, none of them would-" but he sees it now, sees it through unfortunately sober eyes. See's it in the look on Chrissy's face. Can look back at the half remembered drugged up haze of all the shit Eddie's gotten up to over the last two years. All the times he didn't show. All the times he pulled bullshit. All the times he staggered into practice, late and drunk. All the times he turned up high. All the times his therapist has made him talk through his mistakes, to own them, to be truthful with himself about his problems.
Eddie can't have a drink. He can't smoke anything or inject anything or shove anything up his nose. He has to deal with it. He has to see it. There's a mirror next to Chrissy, big and ornate, and overdone, just like everything else in the room. Drug addict Eddie decorated this room, black and red and gilt. Arrogant vampire chic. Eddie thought it was cool. Four months of rehab and therapy and he's come back to a bedroom he fucking hates. The godamn carpet is black; who even buys black carpet? The top of the dresser is a mirror; easier for the coke.
Eddie should have torn it all out already.
He stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn't even remember getting some of the tattoos he has. He's too thin, bony, sick looking. His skin is flush pink with rut and there's a wet patch where the head of his cock hangs heavy. Chrissy does not give a shit.
"Eddie, honey. They all would. They all will. This is what I've been telling you. They are done. One more slip, and that's it. Rehab said absolutely no emotional entanglements while you're vulnerable-"
"I am not fucking vulnerable-"
"Nothing at all that could undermine your progress. No Omega's Eddie, I mean it. No drugs. No rut suppressors, no hormones, no nothing. Eddie I have been through this place with a fine tooth comb, I swear to god there's not so much as a Tylenol in this whole building."
"But what if I get a headache?" Eddie asks, suddenly feeling pathetic and weak as a kitten.
"Steve will get you an ice pack."
Eddie blinks, "who the fuck is Steve?"
"He's here to help you through your rut-"
"You said no Omega-"
"He isn't. He's a Beta, and he's the best there is at this. He will feed you, he will nest with you, anything you need, he will get it for you, he will look after you, he will let you scent him until your rut is done-"
"But-"
"Beta scent is calming!" Chrissy talks over Eddie, "this is not a sex thing, you need to rub one out do not do it in front of Steve. Do not piss him off, do not push his boundaries, am I clear? The center highly recommended him for this, okay?"
Eddie rankles with irritation, with displeasure.
Chrissy's nose crinkles at the scent, "look, I chose Steve to reduce the risk okay, male Beta is about the safest person you can be with right now. You have been clean for nearly five months Eddie, please. I am begging you, not for me, for you, you will hate yourself for the rest of your life if you fuck this up again. And actually also for me because watching them rush you into intensive care I-" She stops, looks at the floor, "for me Eddie- I cannot watch you go through something like that again, okay? I am asking you as your friend, please."
The OD was stupid; but Eddie had it in his head he was immortal at the time. "Okay Chris. Okay."
"Good. Thank you. I...won't hug you right now though."
Eddie looks down at the tent he's pitching in his sweats, "that's fair."
Chrissy opens the bedroom door and leaves, there's a man standing there. Eddie's preference isn't men, and Chrissy knows that. Hell, Eddie would take an Alpha over a Beta, and Chrissy knows that too.
Eddie takes a deep breath. The voice of his therapist mutters something about judging people by their desirability. They've talked a lot about Eddie judging people; can this person provide drink, drugs, or a fuck? No? Then what's the point of them.
It's a hard thing to change, when that's been your worldview for years. Even so, Eddie cannot see the point of this man; so he shuts the door in his face.
#steddie#pre steddie#rock star eddie munson#drug abuse#alcohlism#eddie munson#stranger things#steve harrington#ficlet#chrissy cunningham#eddie and chrissy#alpha eddie munson#beta steve harrington#chrissy is eddies manager
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Hii, can I request headcanons or fic for Mitsuya with a model reader?
crush? | t. mitsuya
₊˚⊹♡ tags; fem!reader, finale timeline so spoilers? mitsuya being a absolute sweetheart as usual, also him struggling a bit as a new designer lol, this is a slowburn ngl...y/n overthinking towards the end
₊˚⊹♡ wc; 3,500+
₊˚⊹♡ a/n; this was a bit vague so I wasn't too sure what you wanted exactly, I didnt mean for this to be so long but then I just kept writing and it became a lot longer then I anticipated LOL also ill probably rename this later, i never even know what to name some of these sometimes
Mitsuya threw down all the photos of headshots his assistant had brought him to look through "This is it?" he sighed rubbing his eyes tiredly. The girl stumbled around a bit "Uh yes sir, that's all of the models...you don't see any you like?" she questioned a bit frustrated.
"I'm sorry, but no, none of them have what I'm looking for exactly..." he sighed, standing up and picking up a headshot of a young man. "None of them? Like not a single one?" the girl questioned, a bit shocked. Mitsuya only shook his head while pacing around.
"Well, I don't mean to step on your toes or anything, sir, but the show is in two months, and we need to start booking models..." she muttered, looking through her emails, hoping to see a response. You can call Hakkai, and I'll choose some of the people here, but give me a few more days to pick someone for the main piece."
Mitsuya ran a hand through his hair, softly pulling at the roots in frustration. He had someone specific in mind for the main piece of the show. Unfortunately, Okamoto, his assistant, was unable to book you. They didn't even receive an email back from your manager.
Mitsuya knew it'd be a miracle if he were able to book you for his show but he still tried. But now that the odds weren't in his favor he had to find a new model for the face of the show, he could just go with Hakkai. He wasn't too sure Hakkai wanted to sport a dress on the runway though...
You watched from the corner of your eye as your manager angrily swiped through her tablet, hundreds of emails in the reflection of her glasses. You went to say something when you felt a tug on your hair "Could you be a bit more gentle?" you muttered getting fed up, that was the sixth time this stylist had tugged on your hair in the last twenty minutes.
You didn't say anything when he softly apologized while continuing to do your hair in a crazy updo for your upcoming photoshoot. "Are you ok over there? You look like you're about to throw that thing" You call out to your manager who's now angrily typing away on her tablet.
"You would think after sending 15 emails and not receiving a single one back this person would stop emailing me about you," she muttered with furrowed eyebrows, who the hell was blowing up your manager about you anyway? You had just started seriously modeling this year and you've been very successful but you didn't think you were that desired by some people.
"Who is it? What's it for?" you question now really curious about this person's persistence while shifting in your seat. "I don't even know, it's to walk at some small runway show, nothing worth your time." She sighs lifting her glasses to rest on the top of her head.
You had only walked a few runways, and each time it was a bit chaotic but you had lots of fun "Oh really, who's the designer? I wouldn't mind doing another runway!" your manager looks at you a bit shocked while you smile at her innocently.
She quickly recuperates and walks over to you holding out her tablet "He's a small upcoming designer, Mitsuya Takashi? I've never heard of him personally but Hakkai Shiba walks at almost all of his shows." She explains while swiping through some of his designs.
"No way! I love his clothes, why didn't you tell me sooner?" you whine looking at all the emails his assistant has sent your manager over the last two weeks. You feel yourself basically shaking in excitement at the thought of walking for one of your new favorite designers.
"I didn't think you even knew who he was, I didn't until I got her emails!" she explains pointing at the tablet in your hands, and to give her credit you had just discovered the upcoming designer recently.
One of the other models at a photo shoot you were at was wearing a beautiful dress and when you asked her where she got it, she explained that Mitsuya had made it for her as a thank-you for modeling for him. Not only was the man extremely talented, but he also seemed really kind.
You had always searched for his clothing at any store you had gone to, you never had any luck though. You were thinking about reaching out to him yourself but lately, your schedule has been extremely busy. This was the perfect opportunity you were searching for.
"Tell him yes, anything he wants, yes I'll do it! If I have stuff scheduled when he needs me, cancel it!" you smile handing your manager her tablet back and standing up seeing now that your hair is done. "B-but what about the shoot with miu miu?" your manager sputtered quickly following behind you.
"Cancel it!" you smile closing your dressing room door in your manager's face.
When Okamoto barged into Mitsuya's office sputtering about booking you he thought she was crazy. But when she showed him the email from your manager stating you agreed to walk the runway in his clothes he almost passed out. He immediately started stitching together your dress, too excited to sleep even though it was already past midnight.
Now two weeks later, he was almost done with the piece just having to add the tedious details and fix some stitching here and there. But it was also the day you'd come by for the first fitting and be meeting mitsuya for the first time.
To say he was nervous was an understatement, he kept pricking his fingers while working on the other pieces for the show and stumbling over stray rolls of fabric. He didn't even realize the time until Okamoto came in telling him you'd be there in an hour, he quickly started to clean his office not wanting you to see the chaotic room.
When he finally finishes cleaning the room he looks around for any stray items lying around. Not seeing a single thing hethrew himself onto his chair when a big sigh, he knew you should be here any moment. He was so nervous he keptthinking about what he'd say to you when he finally met you.
"Thank you so much for accepting...no thank you for giving me the opportunity...no..." he sighed still not able to think properly when he heard his office door open. Quickly standing up he dusted himself off and watched as you and your manager walked in talking to Okamoto.
"Yeah I was so jealous after she told me he had custom-made it for her, I was tempted to steal it from her dressing room when she wasn't there!" Mitsuya watched you as you laughed while readjusting your purse on your arm, he doesn't think he's seen a more beautiful woman.
You were wearing a simple outfit, a black long-sleeve turtle neck, some dark-washed jeans, and a pair of black boots. It was nothing special but Mitsuya thought you looked amazing, he couldn't even bring himself to say something when you looked at him.
"Oh my god, it's so nice to finally meet you! I've been waiting for this day since Saki told me about this!" you exclaimed briefly motioning over to your manager but quickly making your way to Mitsuya shaking his hand. He could only smile in response a little too shocked to say anything at the moment.
"Really? I didn't even think you knew who I was..." he awkwardly laughed while shaking your hand "I just discovered you recently from Momo? I'm sure you remember her, you made her that gorgeous custom dress! I've been searching for some of your pieces in stores but I've had no luck"
Mitsuya was loss for words the more you kept talking, you knew who he was? And you were on the hunt for some of his clothing on your own time? Not even saying anything he immediately bowed at a 90-degree angel "Thank you so much, you don't know how much that means to me, seriously"
You immediately begin to panic "What? What do you mean I haven't done anything!" you say while bringing him up by his shoulders "You agreeing to model my clothes is good enough, you're a very sought-after model y/n. You wearing my clothes is bound to help me take off as a designer so I thank you."
You can feel your face flush a bit, you've never had someone be so sincere to you in this industry before. Now you realize you've made a great choice by agreeing to model for Mitsuya, you hope you can continue to work with him in the future.
"Ok let's get to work before you make me cry or somethin'.." you softly joke taking off your bag and handing it to you Saki "Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to- ok yeah let's get to work!" Mitsuya stumbles putting his glasses on and grabbing his sketchbook.
"You can take a seat over there if you'd like" Mitsuya motions over to a couch in the corner of his office when he notices your manager aimlessly standing around "Oh thank you, do you mind if I make a few calls and whatnot?" she sighs taking a seat with your stuff.
"No of course not, if you need anything just ask me or Okamoto" he waves off now walking over to you "I actually already started working on the piece if you'd like to see it? Or even try it on?" he mutters flipping through his sketchbook"Of course I'd like to try it on!"
The rest of the day was spent talking and getting to know each other while Mitsuya tailored the dress to fit you better and went over the rest of the look with you. He also asked for your input and what you thought would look good or what you'd like to wear, you could help having a small crush on the man after leaving his office that night.
It's now been two months since you and Mitsuya first met and you two have gotten a lot closer since that day. Some nights after you've finished with your fittings for other designers you'd invite Mitsuya out for dinner, wanting to talk the man more.
And if you two weren't out for dinner you were constantly texting, but now that his show is this weekend you haven't heard much from him. You weren't too surprised you imagined he was extremely busy trying to finish the last details for the show and whatnot, but you had to admit you missed him.
You just finished with a small photoshoot for a magazine when you checked your phone and saw that he still hadn't responded to your message from this morning. "Loverboy hasn't answered you?" you turn to glare at Saki who ignores you while packing up your stuff.
"I told you to stop calling him that…but no he hasn't answered" You sigh grabbing your bag from her arm and begin to walk out of the studio "Do you want to stop by his office?" you almost trip when walking down the stairs "What? We can't just stop by his office like that, he's probably really busy!"
Saki only shrugs her shoulders while opening the door to the building allowing you to go first "Why not? You can bring him a coffee or something, I'm sure he'd appreciate it" You bite your lip contemplating it a bit, you really did want to see the man but you also didn't want to bother him if he were busy.
"Ok yeah let's go, but we have to get coffee from the place by his office, he really likes that place!" you explain while getting into the back of the car with Saki who playful rolls her eyes "Yeah I know you've only told me a thousand times how much he likes that place."
Now standing outside of Mitsuya's office with his and your order in one hand and a box of pastries in the other you wonder if this was a good idea. You two had hung out plenty of times but you'd never shown up at his office unannounced and you hoped your sudden arrival didn't annoy him.
Before you can even think about turning around his office door opens and you see a beautiful girl walking out on the phone. She doesn't notice you at first too immersed in her conversation but when she does she gives a look of confusion and then goes wide-eyed.
"Are you here for Takashi?" at first you thought she was one of the other models walking in his show but when she refers to him by his first name you begin to doubt it. Who exactly was she? Mitsuya never mentioned a girlfriend before or anything similar.
"Yazuha can you go to the bakery down the street and get us some stuff?" you hear someone call from Mitsuya's office making the girl roll her eyes. "Actually it looks like someone is here for Takashi" She then motions for you to walk into the office as she continues her way out the door still on the phone.
When you walk in you see Mitsuya looking in your direction with a confused face which quickly morphs into a smile "Y/n! What are you doing here?" he quickly makes his way over to you grabbing the sweets and drinks out of your hand and placing them on his desk.
You quickly glance over the man standing in what you assume will be his runway outfit and back towards Mitsuya "I just wanted to see you, plus you never answered my messages. So I thought you could use some fuel or whatever…I didn't think you'd have other people over I should've gotten more"
You begin to look through your bag for your wallet going to ask the other man what he'd like "Don't worry about it y/n, I'm sorry for not answering your messages I've been finishing up Hakkai's piece all day. I'm almost done, if you want we can all go grab dinner together or something?"
You didn't even realize he was leading you to sit over on the couch until you were seated "Oh uh- ok yeah that's fine with me" Then it hits you that you didn't even introduce yourself to the other person in the room.
"I'm so sorry I'm y/n, I guess we'll be walking in the show together it's nice to meet you" You smile up at the very tall man who just turns away from you with a blank look on his face. What the hell was his deal "This is Hakkai, he's not good at talking to girls so don't take offense. And the girl outside is his sister, Yazuha, I've known both of them since middle school."
You watch Mitsuya continue to work on a few pieces of Hakkai's suit while the boy doesn't say anything just then Yazuha walks back in "Don't bother talking to that guy, he can't talk to girls" You turn to her with a small smile while Mitsuya softly laughs "Yeah Mitsuya's already told me, I'm y/n it's nice to meet you"
Unlike her brother Yazuha has no problem talking to you "Yeah I know, who wouldn't? You're like one of the top models right now, I thought Takashi was lying when he said he booked you." she muttered while shaking your hand.
"Ah I'm so glad Okamoto reached out to my manager, it's been so nice working with Mitsuya I hope he and I can keep working together in the future!" You hear Mitsuya curse a bit under his breath "Are you ok Taka-Chan?" you turn and watch as Mitsuya nods sucking on his thumb.
"Y-yeah just pricked my finger a bit, but yeah I've really enjoyed working with you too y/n…" he smiles, and you note his ears are red. You return a bashful smile and turn back towards Yazuha who's giving you a smug look "Right…well if you start working with Takashi a lot then you'll be seeing us a lot too so let's be good friends"
You've always had after-show jitters but right now you feel like your heart is going to explode out of your chest. The show went great but before the show, you barely had any time to actually talk to Mitsuya, just a quick prep talk and good luck. But right before the show actually started he had told you to immediately find him afterwards.
You wondered the entire time what is it that he wanted to talk to you about, then you wondered what he'd have to say about your walk. What if he hated it and never wanted you to model for his clothes ever again? You didn't even notice when he knocked on your dressing room door, too preoccupied with your thoughts.
You only realized he was there when he gently opened the door "Y/n? Are you in here?" you quickly walked over to the door opening it the rest of the way "Oh I'm sorry I wasn't sure you were in here" you notice he has a big bouquet of flowers and an even bigger gift bag in his hand.
Unable to say anything you just pull him into your dressing room and close the door "Sorry I didn't hear you knocking on the door" you mutter turning to look at him. He doesn't say anything and neither do you for a while until he holds out the bouquet "These are for you…"
You take the flowers from him and notice their your favorite flowers in your favorite color. You also notice how nicely they're wrapped, they had to be really expensive "Mitsuya, these are gorgeous…thank you so much."
He only shrugs with a shy smile on his face "I wanted you to have something nice… I-I did my best to wrap them but I've never done it before so I'm sorry if it looks a bit sloppy…" He rambles while gently grabbing them from your hands and setting them down.
You couldn't believe that he took the time to wrap the flowers himself, they look professionally done. You couldn't even deny it anymore if you wanted, you've totally fallen for Mitsuya. He's been nothing but good to you since you first met and watching the way he treats his friends and other models shows that he's just a great guy.
"Mitsuya they're gorgeous, they look perfect seriously, thank you so much for these." you mutter still admiring the beautiful bouquet "Oh well I'm glad you like them, I also have this for you…" he whispers placing the huge gift bag on a chair in the room leaving you to open it.
You wonder what can be in the bag, it's massive but when you peek inside the bag you don't really see much. Turning to him to give him a suspicious look he just shrugs his shoulders with a cheeky smile "Open it" Turning back towards the bag you pull out the tissue paper.
At first, you just see some fabric but when you pull it out you notice it's a gorgeous dress. Looking at all the intricate details you're lost for words "Do you like it..?" you hear Mitsuya ask while he walks up closer to you "You made this for me?"
You turn towards him now holding the dress close to your chest as if he just threatened to take it from you "Yeah I made it last week, if you don't like something I can- No!" he looks at you wide-eyed at your interruption "Sorry but no Mitsuya it's- it's…I seriously don't have words I can't believe you made this for me?"
He can't help the cocky grin on his face "I'm so glad you like it…" Then you notice his smile falter a bit "Would you like to wear it tonight to dinner…" Was he asking you out right now? Like a real date? "With me I mean" he quickly clarified seeing your blank look.
You seriously wanted to jump for joy but decided against it to not embarrass yourself "Like just you and me…? No Yazuha or Hakkai?" you don't want to get your hopes up too soon "Yes y/n just you and me, no Hakkai or Yazuha, just us. Like a date" he softly laughed walking towards you grabbing one of your hands.
You got one little hop in before you stopped yourself "S-sorry I'm just really happy right now" you explain when he gives you a funny look "But yes, I'd love to go on a date with you Mitsuya" you mutter now too shy to look him in the eyes.
"Ok great, I'll wait outside for you then we can go" he smiles softly rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb "Ok I'll get dressed right now!" you laugh gently pushing him out of your dressing room and quickly grab your phone to tell Saki she can leave without you.
#ninupi#writing#navigation#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#fem reader#mitsuya takashi#mitsuya tokyo revengers#tokyo rev x reader#tokrev#tokyo revengers mitsuya#takashi mitsuya#mitsuya x reader#tokyo rev fluff#mitsuya fluff
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this post is probably very doomerist, skip if you're having a nice day
but I was just taking a walk along the local mid-size river in my town, the river bed there is fairly deep, i am bad at estimating that kind of stuff, but probably five or six meters in height, fairly steep. And up to the very top, there was still debris caught in the trees, from the flood two months ago. So the water was at least up that high, maybe more, but the path was cleared now so I can't tell. I just know that is was a scary, devastating amount of water but we all know that.
and i know some people just say, floods happen, floods have always happened, 10 years ago, 50 years ago, hundreds of years ago. that is true of course, but i think it would be ridicuous to pretend that this big flood has nothing to do with climate change. maybe it would have happened regardless, but from what I know, climate scientists agree that the severity was due to factors that are due to the climate crisis.
It has been over two months. The dehumidifyer in my apartment building is still running, non-stop, 24/7, day and night. I don't even want to know how much electricity that thing eats up. Which might seem petty, considering my ground floor neighbors had to move out and it will still be months until they can move back in. but i am not worried so much about the electricity bill. i am worried because electricity does not just appear from thin air.
The damage is economically devastating for many people, but I can't stop thinking about how many resources all the rebuilding takes. Electricity from the dehumidifyers. New furniture means a lot of wood and plastics. Not too long ago I walked past a gigantic pile of fridges that broke in the flood. So much electronic waste, so many resources required to replace broken things. How many houses were damaged bad enough that they need to be completely rebuilt? Even concrete is a finite resource.
When we talk about feedback loops regarding the climate crisis, we're usually thinking about the polar icecaps melting, which causes the earth to warm up even more. but I've been thinking about how natural catastrophes like floods and the rebuilding afterwards is also kind of a feedback loop, isn't it? It takes a ton of electricity for example to have dehumidifyers running for weeks nonstop, electricity that still comes, at least partially, from burning fossile fuels, which will in turn cause more carbon emissions. more climate change, more devastation, more rebuilding, and on and on and on.
I also think that we are now at a point in the climate crisis where we need to be realistic and need to expect disasters like the flood to happen more often. It's scary. And the worst is, as an individual, there is not much you can do about it.
Don't build a house near a river, yeah, sure. My apartment complex is nowhere near a risk zone. No one, absolutely no one, would have ever expected this here. Because we weren't hit by rising groundwater. It was the surface water running down the nearby hills and pooling around the houses. There are no measures that the muncipality or anyone could have taken to prevent that. You'd have to build a giant wall around the entire town or something, but that would obviously be ridiculous. It's a new apartment complex, the first half was finished only two years ago, the second half barely more than six months before the flooding. I saw the new groundfloor neighbors build garden beds and plant flowers over the summer and now they had to move out again because the entire ground floor is just ruined. They tore out the walls and the flooring and it will still be months until these apartments can be lived in again.
I know people living in the area where the groundwater rose dramatically and took a long time to go down again. At least one couple still had pools of water in their basement six weeks after the flood. You can't do anything about that. You can't pump the water out before the groundwater sinks, it will just come back and possibly destabilize your entire house.
Is that not insane? Is it not absolutely nuts that we are all just supposed to go on with our lives, knowing that we can expect events like this to happen several more times over our livetimes? A flood like this is supposed to be something anyone living only ever sees once in their live, and their children never experience like it, probably not their grandchildren, either.
My aunt and uncle, who admittedly live in a high-risk zone were hit with a similarily devastating flood only 15 years ago.
Makes you wonder when the next time will be.
It's terrifying, especially since there are still so many people in power, in austria and all over the world, who COULD do something, who could have started doing something 50 years ago but didn't.
But people in power will just move to their second or third home if their first home should ever be affected by a natural disaster. And the 100.000 or more Euros it takes to repair and rebuild may be devastating to the average household but for them it is pocket change.
And at this point, we can only scramble to try and fight the symptoms, because keeping the disease in check seems pretty much impossible. Airconditioning in the summer (again more electricity consumption), build flood protection (more resources needed), but also you now need irrigation systems for agriculture because instead of a flood, a drought could hit you just as likely. None of these things are bad, we need to find ways to live with the climate crisis, because at this point it can't be prevented, it is happening and has been happening for decades. But so many things we have to do because of the climate crisis feed right back into it and will make it even worse.
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Assorted Eddie Coming to the Hendersons for Thanksgiving Thoughts
A/N: It's been a while since I wrote about these two. I've missed them. If you guys want to see more, my inbox is always open. Also we're setting this sometime post series where everything is fine, don't worry about it.
Okay, so first things first, holidays are always a bit tricky for Lucy and her family
In my version of things, her and Dustin's father died and in order to be close to her family that's what prompted Claudia to move them to Hawkins
The Hendersons are their dad's family so while they're still considered family, it can be hard because the absence of her father is felt by everyone
But they always put out a nice spread and they have *thoughts* about Lucy bringing Eddie with her to Thanksgiving
Eddie is absolutely sweating bullets the entire ride there
He's never done the whole meeting the parents thing, let alone meeting the whole family
Yes, Claudia accepted him almost immidiately, but he knows for a fact Lucy's grandparents (on Claudia's side) don't like him and now he's going to be facing down aunts and uncles and cousins and another set of grandparents
Lucy is nothing be reassuring the entire time, but it does little to help his nerves since Lucy has a habit of assuming everyone is like her and willing to give him the benefit of the doubt (they're not)
It is very easy for him to get overwhelmed upon arrival; the Henderson are loud and there are a lot of them
Lucy did her best to give him the run down, but frankly there are only so many names he can be expected to memorize
He decides to hide himself away in the kitchen for a while since 1) that's there Lucy is helping all her grandma, aunts and female cousins cook, 2) he cannot even pretend to know anything about football and 3) that is where the food is
This actually works to his benefit since he's quickly put to work chopping and the fact he's willing to help without grumbling endears him
I'm convinced Eddie can be an absolute hit with grandmas when given the chance; Wayne taught him at least some manners, he's very adaptable to an audience, and he eats enthusiastically
Honestly Eddie can turn on the charm if he wants to and he is laying it on thick to the point some of Lucy's female cousins might be curling their hair a bit
However, he can't stay in there forever, and eventually he has to face the male cousins and uncles
(Yes there is a clear division of labor based on gender norms, this is the midwest in the 80s/early 90s)
Dustin is one of the youngest of the whole family and he's used that position to try to hype up the younger cousins about Eddie so they're more inclined to think he's cool
He pulls Eddie outside and while neither of them know what they're doing in terms of sports; Eddie is absolutely willing to play with the younger kids which prompts some of them to question how he's Lucy's boyfriend of all people
The older cousins are a bit more catious; Lucy lands in the middle in terms of age so they're all not sold on the guy with long hair and tatoos
Uncles are also divided as they feel the need to put on the dad routine since Lucy's father isn't there to do the job
I think what might start to win them over is hearing that Eddie does know cars and has a job to fall back on besides "rockstar"
Eddie also doesn't do the macho man thing and does not hide how much he cares about Lucy, and Dustin too
The only thing that would get tongues clucking if is Lucy and Eddie shared a room since they live together
Claudia would do her best to smooth things over, but while the Henderson's aren't necessarily religous there are certain, let's just say expectations
Overall though, Eddie is able to survive relatively unscathed with at least a sense that he'll be welcomed back next year
#eddie munson#eddie munson x oc#lucy henderson#leddie#stranger things#stranger things oc#henderson!oc#dustin henderson
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There is something I would like to share with my friends, followers and the general population of Tumblr.
This is a very personal post coming up. I've been trying to phrase it in the right way for a long time, writing it and re-writing it, starting over again, leaving it saved in my drafts and then coming back to it. But now it's time to share it.
This post contains the following trigger warnings: conceiving, pregnancy, loss, pain, medical treatment, mental health.
If this is triggering for you, please block the tags used below, or pm me and I will add a tag to this post that you already block.
Over the summer I had a miscarriage.
I had what I thought was a very normal pregnancy; in May I had a very clear 2-line pregnancy test, throughout most of June I was struck down with morning sickness, I had food cravings and I was bloated/gained a dress size etc. Everything seemed normal.
In July, at 3 months pregnant, I went for my first scan, only to find there was no baby there whatsoever. It turned out that I'd had something called an anembryonic pregnancy, which is where a placenta and gestational sac develop normally but a baby does not.
In the 2-3 days following the scan, my body proceeded to - quite literally - evacuate the system. I ended up bleeding a lot, having to call 999 myself due to dizziness & hyperventilation & tingling at my extremities, ending up in A&E in so much pain, and topped it all off by passing out in the waiting room from blood loss. Not my finest moment.
Despite all that, my uterus was like Hold My Beer because she wasn't done yet.
At a follow-up scan it was identified that I had managed to hold on to the gestational sac. I opted for a minor surgery to remove it, which - thanks to the Tory government running the NHS into the ground for 14 years - was scheduled for August, and I had to Make Do with feeling like a walking talking zombie and days of high temperatures as my body fought off the early signs of infection. The surgery ended up being fine, and I was sent off on my merry way with a 7 day course of antibiotics.
Anyway. Why am I telling you, a stranger on the internet, all of this?
Doing any form of writing whilst all of this was happening was pretty much impossible. However, now that I am back to full health and starting to put pen to paper on a few projects, it's made me realise how valuable my silly little hobby has become. I was feeling a bit worried last month because after everything that happened over the summer, some of my WIPs have really taken a face-first deep dive into the Hurt/Comfort space, with some scenes that I've written becoming way more hurt than comfort.
It's been so hard to try and figure out whether I'm "over" losing my baby or not. Sometimes I think to myself, it's fine - I didn't lose anything because there was nothing there in the first place. But then something else inside me thinks, fuck - there should have been something there. It's such a weird space to be in. I guess overall, I still feel trolled - I went through so much and had so many 'normal' pregnancy symptoms only to not then have anything to show for it.
But I'm still here, and still alive, and I've slowly managed to pick myself up and start over again. Work has been the hardest, and only in the past week or so have I felt that I'm finally back to my old self.
Has writing helped me cope with everything that happened? Absolutely. Should I be embarrassed by that? Absolutely not. Has it helped me pick myself back up again after a pretty traumatic experience? Fuck yeah.
Cringe is dead. Long live fanfiction ✌️
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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#my Florida shirt just got taken down from Etsy for no fucking reason#Taylor's team just CHUCKED the book at me and fucking LIED in their report to Etsy about it#said I infringed on their trademarks for Lover 1989 and Reputation in their report#and I used.... NONE OF THOSE THINGS. NOT ONE.#that shirt has (obviously) nothing to do with any of those albums even#not in the metadata not in the tags not in the SEO nothing#and since it had no tags of those things it didn't pop up in a sweep and get auto-taken down. it was targeted by them & they manually did i#that design is SO by the book legally and bc of how successful it is I've worked VERY hard to make it that way. even in the SEO#and I mean everything in my shop I go out of my way to make legal but#like that is probably the most actually black and white legal piece of fan merch I've ever seen in my fucking life#but I can't fight back because if I fight back.. if they want it down the next option is prove to Etsy that they're SUING ME#so like. yeah not trying to fuck around and find out there#and that is awful for multiple reasons.#1. I have lost like 90% of my income for the rest of the year. I've grown to rely on income from that shirt as I should bc IT'S FINE#2. it's about to be the holidays. this makes 1 worse and also - people will be searching for this shirt bc it's on ppls holiday wishlists#they now won't be able to find mine#and will therefore google it and buy one of the MILLION FUCKING STOLEN VERSIONS WHICH ARE STILL UP BY THE WAY#and 3. I can't even have these stolen versions taken down anymore because I don't have a leg to stand on since the real thing now doesn't-#exist to prove it's mine#I want to fucking throw up like idk how to do anything other than be sobbing in a fucking ball on the floor#like this is probably the 2nd worst thing that has happened to me in my life lmao#like this shirt was single-handedly paying my rent every month and I had other income but. that shirt was my cushioning#my whole Etsy shop is FUCKED without it like absolutely fucked it was carrying the whole entire thing#I'm scared to upload or DO anything else w my Etsy even because if they just made up lies to get that shirt down#then I am SURE they've got something against me or my shop#and like fucking WHY I work so hard to make everything FAIR AND RIGHT#I worked so fucking hard on that shirt that thing was like my child like my actual full pride and joy#I want to scream I don't even know what to do with myself#it feels like someone just shoved me into a room shut the lights off locked the door and threw away the key#that shirt has been like probably the proudest achievement of my life like no joke and everything I've put into it & my Etsy just got kille
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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BAHAHA THE ITALIAN FLAGGGGGGGG
(Shoutout to all my gay Italians)
Happy Pride Month! 🌈
Pride Flag Stamp Washi! Brand new and on sale to celebrate Pride Month 🥰
🏳️⚧️ mush.house/pridemonth 🏳️🌈
#pride#This has absolutely nothing to do with anything I've been doing#Sorry for that#BUT AHAHAHAHAHAHA THE ITALIAN FLAGGGGGGG#Fun fact I'm actually Italian myself#Which would explain the constant raging over nothing and anger issues and fear that anything and everything I do will end up being worthles#But this isn't about me.#Lol the fact that it's an Italian flag in pride flags made me think of Luca#gay
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I'm going to be a certified library professional in a few short weeks, I have a solid understanding of the need to read broadly and should have a strong personal commitment to doing so, but more often than not, I end up reading fanfic for the one relatively obscure YA universe that has engrained itself into my very being rather than reading literally anything else and I don't know how to feel about it
#feel kinda bad on a professional level like i am an incredible hypocrite#but genuinely nothing can make me feel the same way that a well-written Tortall fanfic can#these characters have lived rent free in my brain for 15+ years i could not get more connected to a fantasy series than I currently am#i have been doing my best to read other things but even then i haven't branched out from fantasy!!#I've read some Discworld and i want to read locked tomb and my partner is reading us the rangers apprentice series#but i simply do not read nonfiction!!#or even mystery or scifi or horror!!#I need to do more but the fanfic is right there in my phone! i dont even need to go to the library#which is absolutely absurd to say as someone who genuinely loves to go to the library#so on one hand i feel bad about not reading anything else but on the other hand I like it!!#once i don't have the chaos of being in school and house hunting i really need to crack down on myself#because i KNOW i will enjoy other things#it's just a matter of forcing myself out of my comfort zone even when the comfort zone feels so cozy#yes this has literally just been a vent post about my frustration with my own reading habits
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I love my gx winx au and I love that it's just bits and pieces of me being like oh that's fun and not having any semblance of lore or plot. It's purely contained to the character designs I've drawn for the girls.
#it will stay contained to art too it's not something I'd ever write#like I know absolutely nothing about this au of mine but I'm obsessed with it all the same#like I learn something new about it every time I've drawn something#I don't draw a lot for it yall have seen everything I've done and it's usually just a drawing of alexis cuz I love her design lol#but like I'm doing panels for it rn right? and like it's just coming together like the story of what's happening atm#and that's like the only story there actually is rn but it's just falling into place#so I can actually make something of substamce out of this tiny concept I had for a drawing I wanted to try because I had an itch and it grew#that doesn't really happen to me anymore like I haven't felt a spark like that since I wrote OUAD#nothing I've written since has felt the same#and like I said this isn't something I would write into a fic or anything it would just be too much but it's really everything to me rn#something I can come back to and dip my toe in whenever I really feel like I need a spark again and it just makes me happy#I grew up with 4kids winx club so another reason I'd never write anything for real is because I refuse to watch any other version#like I've tried I just can't do it my mind rejects any other version so I only know the universe to a point anyway and but that was my thin#it made me so happy as a kid and it still does now like those are my girls and they mean the world to me and being able to play#within that space with other characters I'm obsessed with and combine into something that miraculously works is amazing#I need to draw more stuff for this au I guess is my whole point#I need to see what other things can..... bloom....... (heh) within that space and what will just manifest before me#I need that something to make me feel that spark again because I don't want to lose it forever and I think I'm starting to find it again#life has just been knocking down over and over lately and it's destroyed so much of my mental state and honestly randomly deciding to try#and actually draw actual stuff for this au has been so healing. I almost feel lighter#it feels stupid amd silly to say but it's true#abby's just rambling don't mind her
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our current dilema is that the pain from our wisdom tooth keeps getting so bad we have to take pain meds (like it keeps hitting an 8/10 for several hours at a time. we can't not take pain meds) but the only pain meds that touch it have a warning on them saying not to take them for more than 3 days in a row, and we have at least another month of dealing with this, so I don't really know what to do.
the warning is because they're opioids and can cause addiction but I don't actually know how bad the risk is because everything seems to treat it like opioids are the worst thing ever and should be avoided at all costs and you'll get addicted if you so much as glance at them.
either way, my options are to either keep taking them and just accept that risk, or deal with being in so much pain I can't function. even with taking the pain meds I can tell we're a lot more irritable and short tempered and probably just insufferable to be around honestly and I hate the fact that pain causes this, but once again we've got to deal with this for over a month and we've also got to deal with the anxiety over what the treatment for it is going to actually involve.
I've had to deal with medical trauma stuff I didn't even know about until like yesterday when Lucy suggested it might be part of why I feel so shit, and I've had multiple panic attacks per day and constantly feel way more anxious than usual and I get the feeling we're just gonnaa have to put up with this for the next month and I don't know how the fuck I'm meant to cope with any of this
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#there is absolutely nothing that gets rid of what essentially amounts to a constant sense of impending doom#like our brain has just fully decided we're fucked and going to die or some shit and now I have to deal with the anxiet from it doing that#and like I know logically we're gonna be fine and this is ridiculous#but I know we sometimes get a delusion where our brain just decides we're gonna die on a specific day or whatever#and I think that's flared up and combined with the severe medical anxiety#and since knowing a delusion isn't real doesn't do shit to stop you feeling like it's real#no amount of logic seems to be able to make our brain not freak out over this and make me have panic attacks because of it#we already had that delusion kind of going on in the background because something about this time of year seems to trigger it#and I guess having something planned that's incredibly triggering and causing that feeling a dread#probably just made our brain combine the two things#we also are definitely experiencing stress-induced psychosis just in general because I've been hallucinating so fucking much#actually I wonder if the fact that I've had to take pain meds so much might also be messing with our psychosis#I would like to maybe not have to deal with any of this#we were looking forward to just getting that one tooth removed and then resting and recovering and not having anything planned for a while#and instead we've got at least a month of dealing with this shit and I'm fucking exhausted#this year has basically just been me dealing with one unbelievably triggering thing after another because I have no other choice#like I keep being thrown into situations that involve triggers that I can't even think about without having panic attacks#there's a whole bunch of shit going on in our personal life and stuff just keeps piling up and we don't get a break from any of it
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hhh found some photos of old disney trips from several years back and it just made me really sad that the parks are nothing like what they were back then anymore. i still feel like it was probably best in the 90s and early 2000s (from what i've seen in videos documenting that time frame, and from the few trips my fam went on as well), but i ended up visiting more often in the 2010s and i still really enjoyed it;;
i miss walking around and just drinking in the atmosphere and theming honestly. sucks that its a mess now and you're paying so dang much for lackluster quality and there's no room for spontaneous flexibility within your visit because of the stupid genie+ app and insane wait times for Everything. the fact that there's no real "off season" anymore because it's Always Busy is a terrible reality as well. *sigh*
#nothing compares to the atmosphere of the disney parks and thats what makes it so sad that it's changed a lot#i've also heard that cleanliness has degraded a lot as well#which isn't . good.#never been big on most universal IPs#so that park never interested me cuz i have no attachment to anything offered within it#but i have been a few times since i stopped going to disney and i did enjoy it; mostly just the islands of adventure#but even still i do miss wandering around epcot and animal kingdom the most :'c#universal doesn't really come close to that but hopefully the new epic universe will prove to be better than where disney's at now#anyway . i just got hit with a wave of nostalgia for a time that can't ever be replicated again i guess#i'm glad i could enjoy those trips while i could tho#spectre says#(not letting anyone reblog this because i dont want to accidentally start any Discourse lol)#OK WAIT CORRECTION.#universal's portofino hotel is absolutely GORGEOUS and i genuinely loved it so so much#and volcano bay was really fun and immersive too; mega props to them for that one#so universal does have some offerings that i really liked!!!#but as a whole i just like some of the theming of the disney parks better; mostly the stuff that doesn't rely on existing IP
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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Hey uh
anyone here on Art Fight this year or-
Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.
You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...
I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...
#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW????#I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T#I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL#and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just-#-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out#-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL'#like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!!#but like. idk.#and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another-#-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy...#but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself#but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL#but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting...#especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me#one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces...#i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments.#it all felt so damn pointless#but I'm nothing if not a survivor#as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised'#I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up-#and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires#BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.
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