#This being that people don't treat trans mens issues seriously

[2prince2sparkle]

Losing my mind hearing that people think being punitively misgendered as they/ them only happens to she/her trans women and not also he/ him trans men

Edit: glad I dug through the shitty comments enough to find op saying she didn't mean the phrasing of a particular sentence to imply this didn't happen to trans men, she wasn't expecting the post to blow up and was just writing about the things she's experiencing in a casual rant way. Internet ok sometimes. (Still other people in the comments thinking the above though.)

[velvetvexations]

Mother Velvet I just saw someone being very wrong about transandrophobia and I am being soooooo strong by resisting my desire to message them with a correction. I want, very badly, to (gently) correct their misunderstanding of what transandrophobia is and what people are actually arguing for. Unfortunately I am also of the knowledge that this is probably not a misunderstanding and that they would not listen to anything I say, and that even a gentle "hey that's not what people talking about transandrophobia are saying, that's not the conversation being had" would cause an argument that does more damage to me than just seeing them be wrong in the first place.

I want to say, no, transandrophobia isn't about men being the PRIMARY target of misogyny, that's not what we're saying! I won't say nobody is saying that because someone inevitably will have bad ideas about things, but the broad conversation around transandrophobia is that transphobes see us as women trying to be men and treating us with both misogyny (for being a woman incorrectly, and just having been born female to begin with), and malgendering us (for the crime of trying to be men, which is ontologically impossible for a silly wombyn to do and therefore must be corrected by showing that Dumb Idiot Baby Girl how impossible it is to ever really be a man). It is not, really, seriously not, about how transmascs are the real primary target of misogyny and everyone else is just collateral. It is not us wanting to be the victim, or wanting to barge into marginalized spaces and control the conversation to make it All About Men. It is not trying to argue that misandry is a systemic force. It is not equivalent to being an MRA blaming feminism for the suffering of men.

People talk a lot about how transmascs have a "toxic masculinity problem" and think that it's, like, some inherent aspect of being a man, or that we're trying so hard to be men that we uncritically repeat and reinforce toxic masculinity. As if trans people of all stripes aren't forced to perform the highest standards of their gender in order to be recognized as their gender, as if it's somehow unheard of for trans men to be forced to perform the height of masculinity in order to be recognized as men. Trans men are held to a higher standard of masculinity than cis men because we have to prove to the transphobe that we're "real" men! Cis men already have to perform masculinity to an extreme degree under threat of degendering, do people think that just doesn't exist for trans men? That it isn't worse for us (compared to the cis man) because degendering is misgendering and we have to fight tooth and nail for every shred of recognition as men? The only problem people are willing to accept transmascs have is the toxic masculinity issue, and that is at best seen as a very bad personal failing (and at worst an inherent aspect of Being A Man, and so also a personal failing for anyone who would "want" to be a man; the thought, even from other trans people, is that we "chose" this and so it's the bed we must lie in). Because we are men, because men have no problems, because transmascs trying to discuss their experiences with misogyny are just trying to take from women, trying to control the conversation and deny the reality that others are targeted too.

The idea that transandrophobia is saying we're the primary targets of misogyny is wrong, and I'm being so restrained by not saying anything to that person, not trying to correct them, because even though it's eating me up inside I would be even more hurt by whatever they say to dig in their heels as a response to me. (I sincerely hate that my autism will not let me let go of this stuff! I wish it would stop and that I could see people have Different or even Factually Wrong Opinions about the world without feeling personally betrayed but here I fucking am I guess; this isn't the first time I've come to your inbox to vent about it, I don't have anywhere to talk about these feelings so all I have been able to do with them is suffer through them until I can shove them into the little box in the back of my brain and hope I don't get intrusive reminders of them)

Y'know, I've experienced a lot of transphobic violence, from the emotional to physical. I was kicked out of my home by family members. I had to fight to be accepted as I am, and still have to fight because I don't pass, can't bind my GGG-cup breasts for medical reasons, am too disabled, too short, too mentally ill, too autistic. I was prepared for that, I knew I would be fighting an uphill battle. Trauma doesn't work right for me, I don't find stuff traumatic that should be, and do find stuff traumatic that shouldn't be; because I was prepared, because I knew what I was getting into and knew I would be happier as a man anyway, I have not been traumatized by the transphobia I have faced.

What I was not prepared for, what has stuck with me longer and hurt me more than being thrown out of my own home or threatened or beaten, was how other trans people treated me. How alone I was in a support club for the trans community at my university, in a class about trans art with nothing to show for trans men but boys don't cry and a drag race supercut from the professor's boyfriend, being told I was the wrong kind of trans for the community around me, that nobody knew what to do with me, and treated me like I was an invader desecrating some sacred soil.

In trying to talk about my suffering, I am taking up valuable space that could be given to someone else, someone who is not a man. In talking about the issues I have faced within the trans community, I am attacking trans women, trying to steal misogyny and claim I'm the primary target. It doesn't matter what I say, how gently I try to correct them, how much proof I have that those are not the conversations or goals of discussion, because that's what they want to believe about transmascs. That's the vision of transandrophobia they have. There is no way for me to change the mind of someone who willfully misinterprets what I'm saying.

I'll at least put this in the tag this so people can see it. <3

Transandrophobes are constantly assuming the most bad faith interpretations of what's being said and it's so exhausting even to observe. They're unthinking zombies reblogging second-hand shit about terms they have zero understanding of. It's infuriating just to observe let alone experience first hand.

[sualne]

i kind of want to ramble a bit about being underweight and the way people treated me changed as i socially transitioned and aged.

for quick context i was literally born underweight, i'd been starving to death in the womb and needed to get out early, a doctor even said it was too late, that i was already dead, that was not the case.

anyway for as long as i remember people would always comment on how thin i was, as a kid it didn't mean much but approaching puberty the "you need to eat more" turned into "people would kill to have a body like yours" comments about having a wasp waist among more disturbing ones, i socially transitioned as 16, i was getting those comment at 12. i still got remarks about how i should gain weight but it was always accompanied by this "but not too much, you need to stay thin, thin is good." sentiment so gaining weight was never truly seen as an actual emergency, something that should actually happen, it was more of a reflex sort of comment, people didn't mean it too seriously.

that changed when people started seeing me as a man, suddenly i was not so thin and fragile, so feminine and pretty i was visibly weak and unmanly and that pisses the shit out of other (older) men. now people really meant it when they say i should gain weight but unlike before that vaguely "i'm worried for your health (but you look much better like this anyway so don't change it)" sentiment disappeared, it was all about performing masculinity properly, about becoming a muscular big strong manly man. you see it all the time, thinness being associated with femininity, even trans people who should know better keeps on going "wow so gender" to people who are only just being thin and otherwise pretty damn conforming. obviously a lot of this depends where you live.

now this also the moment i need to mention thinphobia isn't a thing, people don't actually care about the fact that you're thin, it's about failing to meet gender role's standards and looking visibly sick which get people Really uncomfortable, they don't want to be reminded disabled & chronically ill people exist. fatphobia is genuinely and purely about hating the fact that fat people exist, they don't actually give the slightest shit about possible health issues they're just dipshits, those are excuses to pretend it's justified so they can feel better about themselves, it's also systemic and get people killed all the time. doctor might tell me gaining some weight couldn't do me any bad but they've never insisted it was the sole and only reason for every single one of my issues, they usually don't even mention it all.

i don't have a point or conclusion for this.

[sickofthis666]

Man, I miss when tumblr wasn’t the "t4t" website. Now we only got girld*ck jokes and trans rights are the only social issue that's worth mentionning, apparently. It's obvious if only by seeing the amount of posts, pinned posts, and bios with the mention "terfs/transphobes dni".

As an afterthought, some may add racists, ableists and/or homophobics to their little list. Sexism doesn't even appear.

Reading users bios, it's like everyone on this website is trans now - see also, reblogs of people's own post years later with the mention "im a girl now :3" - even though statistically, they're... what? 2% of the population?

Meanwhile somehow half of said population doesn't deserve to fight for their rights. BLM vanished but fear not, TLM is there. Online feminism peaked in 2016 with "the future is female" and #MeToo ended with a lot of calling out by victims but very little consequences for the abusers.

Your brain won't explode if you campaign for more than one cause at a time, I promise.

Old sexism was "your biology determines your behavior". New sexism is "your behavior determines your biology". Same result. Same harmful stereotypes. Some things are meant to harm, no matter how much you want to reclaim them or have fun sounding quirky by using insults/politically incorrect language. No, calling yourself a slut doesn't change from a man calling you that, because the very definition of that word is harmful. An insult doesn't stop being an insult because you enjoy it or because you decided to interpret it in a way that fits you, like religious leaders interprets scripture in a way that fits their interest.

We were supposed to get rid of the idea that women enjoying sex like men do is shameful, bad, disgusting, unnatural. We were supposed to make it neutral, just the way men get to have it, but nooo, you guys wanted to be quirky, rules breakers, special. Somehow you're convinced that doing the complete opposite of what society commonly deems acceptable automatically makes you cool, Good, right, and better than the others. It doesn't! It's not a dichotomy! Same thing with whore. Calling a man that moves his hands when he talks or has a high pitch or exaggerated manners "effeminate" makes you a misogynist and a homophobe, actually.

P*rn doesn't automatically becomes Good and healthy just because society frowns down upon it. Degrading women became a trend. God forbids you kinkshame, but somehow mocking vanilla sex is great, actually. Obviously vanilla must be Bad since it's the opposite of porn, and we all decided at some point that porn was Good. Can’t find f/m erotica on this website that doesn't include at least One sentence specifying how the woman is degraded/seen like a toy/less than human by the man. It's Very Important.

The solution to "women shouldn't have to wear make up to be considered seriously/human" wasn’t "women like their cage actually", it was destroying the cage or put the men in it with us. Cause that is the definition of gender equality. Treating men and women the same regardless of gender.

Hijab will never be feminist as long as men don't wear it too. It's the difference of treatment, simply because of gender, that is sexism/misogyny. The intention of the wearer doesn't matter - the result does.

"Taking your husband's last name isn’t sexist because *I* would be honored to do it" affirmed a woman to me - Since when does sexism mean "mentality/behavior/outfit/etc that all women as a mindhive dislike"? Oh wait - it doesnt - never did; it means difference of treatment between genders, overwhelmingly balanced in favor of men. The day men don't see taking your wife's last name as emasculating, degrading, insulting, belittling, diminishing, disgracing, shameful; the day they take their wife's last name spontaneously, almost systematically, the way women do; the day merely suggesting the idea to them isn’t preposterous;

the day women don't see taking your husband's name, as honorable, normal, the bare minimum, the day women stop taking their husband's name almost systematically, because it's an evidence in their eyes; the day women are not pushed to take their husband's name because it makes administration's work easier, because it's the only way for them to prove that they're related to their children - when i was a little kid, school staff once refused to let me leave with my mom at the end of the day simply because, since she hadn't taken my father's name, obviously she couldnt possibly be my legitimate mother; that "incident" lead to her renounciating her own name; before that, she hadn't entertained the thought; - the day french civil service stops differentiating between Nom d'épouse (wife name) and Nom de jeune fille (maiden name), making marriage an event so decisive in a woman's life that it changes her status; whereas men are born, live and die with only one name, their own, and no one else's.

That day only, we'll be able to affirm that this part of society/culture/custom is not sexist anymore.

In favor of men, not because I hate men, or because women need someone to blame, or because men are inherently evil, but in favor of men because men have been ruling society for thousands of years. Our kings are men. Our presidents are men. Our Prime Ministers are men. Our religious leaders are men. Our CEOs are men. Billionaires are men. The most powerful and/or rich on this earth are men. And people in power, in a logical conclusion, decides measures that will favor themselves over others.

Feminity isn’t real. Masculinity isn’t real. Just like the economy, or borders, it's something humans made up. And yet it would never cross your mind to romanticize or fantasize about those concepts.

Boomers' sexism says "if you're a woman, you must act feminine." Gen Z's sexism says "If you're feminine, you must be a woman."

Feminism says "You'll always be a woman no matter what - but so what? You can do whatever you want."

This website is full of selfrighteous, full of themselves assholes who pretends to be Better than everyone else because they're sooo tolerent, sooo inclusive, they condemn nazis and terfs - but mostly terfs. Terfs never commited murders, contrary to neonazis/white supremacists/incels, but that is but a detail my friend - vigorously, they boycott JKR absolutely - but not their favorite rapist male artists/authors/actors/singers -, they have the moral High Ground. Yet the second they smell an Enemy, someone who doesn't adopt 100% of their causes, verbatim, no holds barred! Anything goes! Death threats, rape threats, stalking, doxxing, going after family members... calling The Other, the Villain - of course they're the villain, since I am the Good Guy and they're against Me! - names, a loser, ugly, fat, a virgin, who can’t get laid/p*ssy. Yes I said Asexuals were a part of the community, what does this have to do with anything? Death and rape threats are okay if they come from My mouth!

[hesitantvampirealien]

notifications disabled for this post. Send me any potential corrections through the asks or private messages.

I know i said I wouldn't do public angry rants anymore, but this is a nevessary rant. I ask you to read the entire text before interacting with the post (obviously)

stop misgendering gerard on purpose

you know very well what kind of person you sound like when you do that.

it's just lowkey comical (if not enraging) how some refer to them with the one pronoun they don't use, as far as I'm aware at least, but I've never seen anyone say they used all, only he/they, if I'm wrong you can tell me (but I'll need a RELIABLE source to what you say to make sure you're not just making shit up to have the right to disrespect someone without being rightfully scolded), so using "she" just makes you incredibly disrespectful. Like... you think a he/they can't wear a dress? you think a he/they can't show femininity? you think a he/they isn't allowed to not look like a straight cis guy all the time? You think just because someone doesn't use a male label then they automatically must be female and can't just be neither, or use no labels at all? You think a person can't be happy showing fenininity if they're not a woman? you think that's not possible? you think that's WRONG, perhaps? because THAT is what you sound like. Not only to me, but to many people that I've seen complaining inumerous times about this INSANE disrespect

following the same logic, do you think, for example, because I'm wearing makeup in most of my photos and don't fit in one particular binary gender, i don't have your permission to be a he/him and i have to be what YOU say i should be? because that's what you sound like when you do that

and i can already tell someone's gonna be butthurt and tell me I'm exaggerating so they don't have to feel shame for being a disrespectful little bitch. Gerard is a person, not a fucking character you can headcanon things about.

Not to mention that this kind of disrespect is one of the reasons why some masc or neutral trans people also feel extremely unsafe wanting to use or do things considered feminine, because look at how you're fucking treating a person that you don't even actually know. It's not 100% correlated (well... it is, a little bit) but don't even get me started on the shit my masc or neutral fellas have to go through because of people who very obviously also love to give them a hard time just because they don't fit in your "preferred gender label" and make them feel like shit for existing because you keep throwing them in the same pit as cishet men who fuck things up and say all of them are the same (newsflash, you're being just as oppressive as the cishet men). Like, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry) but most of you, if not all of you, are those exact same people, who do the exact same things and behave the same way, you're just doing it in different intensities. Just go fuck yourself already, seriously. I genuinely mean it with all my heart.

if I'm wrong about the he/they, do tell me and show me the reliable source so i can be sure that I'm actually wrong and can correct myself properly, but I'll most likely keep the post up since i also brought up another issue regarding this kind of disrespect.

[genderkoolaid]

Something I'm having a lot of trouble articulating for myself is how the topic of men and pregnancy is just, a huge joke to literally anyone who isn't a trans man/trans masc. Men getting pregnant being treated like its this huge sinful secret, somehow worse than cringe? Gossip passed around, "Oh my god did you see that jro made mpreg canon in transformers twice??" or "guys did you hear that the fnaf book has matpat mpreg???"

The shit with the Joker pregnancy thing in the new issues of batman has people talking about it in that same, scandalized way. No one can even approach the topic of a man being pregnant, for any reason, without it being in hushed tones and at least on tumblr spaces without accusations of fetishizing pregnancy itself and trans men.

Like people are pretty weird about pregnancy when its involving cis women, but when its not the audience reaction is really uncomfortable to me as someone who is trans masc and might have kids one day.

Its seriously one of the parts of transmascs that I really don't think has gotten all that much better as I've grown up. Trans men giving birth is still always a shock to other people, and if its not being fetishized its always treated like some Wacky Strange Story even if its generally positive. I don't like making too many equivalencies but I really feel like "pregnant man" jokes (or jokes abt menstruating men/men with vaginas) are to transmascs as "girl with a penis"/"man in a dress" jokes are to transfems. Its an edgy punchline of "WHAAAT thats not what i thought that person's genitals would be!!! how gross how weird!!!!!" without any regard for the trans person as a person (or, as w a lot of mpreg stuff, without even considering the transness of the pregnant man in the same way a lot of girlpenis stuff doesn't even consider the transness of the girl with a penis, they just exist to be a freak of nature or a fetish object).

[mr-ribbit]

"um I've experienced misogyny too so actually I'm NOT out of line for telling you to shut your stupid bitch mouth and stop whining about your problems"

people who experience misogyny can absolutely perpetuate and perform misogyny

people who experience misogyny can absolutely be unaware of what forms misogyny takes for others

people who experience misogyny can absolutely have ulterior motives and biases that make them feel justified about subjecting other people to more misogyny

fucked up: using your status as someone who is a woman, seen as a woman, treated as a woman, or otherwise affected by misogyny as an excuse to be completely immune to criticism about your misogynistic behavior

cool: using your status as someone affected by misogyny to show solidarity to others also affected by it, take misogyny seriously when you see it, and try your best to unlearn misogynistic behaviors youre capable of wielding against others

as a tme person that does experience misogyny on a regular basis, I fucking hate misogyny. why would I ever want to wield that against another person for any reason, no matter what I thought about them? it's not okay. it's not solidarity. it's objectively hypocrisy and it fucking sucks to be willing to do that to someone else.

why the fuck do I legitimately see people on this website claiming that they can't be misogynistic (usually just bc they're afab) while saying shit like "stop complaining about men so much it hurts their feelings" "Not All Men are oppressors" "omg calm down stop over reacting" "ugh I'm so sick of hearing them talk about this" "they just won't shut their mouths!" "stop arguing and let's have sex" "you should really be nicer if you want people to listen to you"

like literally all of these are examples I've seen TODAY, not to mention hundreds of other times every week

so are you all gonna keep being radicalized by literal misogynists or are you gonna suck it up and show some fucking compassion when discussing issues you don't understand or disagree with? are you gonna join the oppressors you claim you aren't a part of, or are you going to actually read that trans woman's post next time before dismissing her as crazy and uninformed? are you even going to try to think about her point or are you going to tell her to get back in the kitchen on anon? are you going to pretend you're an expert on all forms of sexism or are you going to genuinely try to listen, share, and make a nicer world?

[daydreamodyssey]

This ended up being longer than I planned, so I'm sorry beforehand. It was about a whatever video of a girl using heightism, saying something stupid but possibly insidious, and me reflecting on our culture toward smallness, particularly with men and how it deals with gender.

(There's a fun present for those who read the whole thing, I promise!)

I saw a tiktok of a girl candidly and cheerfully saying she'd never date a short guy (5'8 or below, she was 5'2) because of a Napoleon complex.

Standard stuff, though still crossing into prejudice.

But then she goes off, in a chipper mood, about deleting them. That really stuck with me.

Best scenario, she just means deleting them off dating sites. Which is still crass and wouldn't fly if she said something similar about other attributes.

Worst scenario, which wouldn't be the first time I heard it, she means literally and physically delete them. She was talking to a guy out on the streets too, so this isn't done terminally online jerk. A lot of women saying they want men dead isn't cute or funny.

I hope people understand that having a preference or having a bad history with whatever group are different than this rhetoric. Even if that person can control something, as opposed to the near permanence of height, it shouldn't mean this group is inherently bad. The issue is the personality, not how long your limbs are or what genes you have. It's a really weird bioessentialism that says if you look different than your gender norm, you are a suspect and a creep in waiting.

There's also this other connection with many men smaller than (the US) average being men of color, which can have a racist and nativist tone. And since height can be affected by the environment, along with making many short people less likely to have high paying jobs and roles, there's probably a classist element, too. A lot of trans men are also short if you want to include transphobia, who already get barely any acknowledgement about how they're treated.

With a lot of women saying "it's in our genes or brains," and one I saw saying for short men to Stay In The Gym, there is this unspoken rule that men MUST be large and dominant or they're not seriously men. With the whole obsession over genetics and strong men, there is a dangerous overlap with trad and fascist ideals, especially with how radical right wing propaganda works (in the 30s/40s and now with the Chad Trad shit).

I don't think a lot of people, men or women, consciously think about this stuff. They could just be shallow assholes. But smallness is almost always seen as infantilism or criminality with no nuance in humanizing, let alone respect as lovers and workers. Maybe there's some taboo part of our private brain that still latches onto "big = strong against predators and rivals" and we don't want to admit and question it like with women and how we judge their looks.

When people say Napoleon complex, it's always vague, like it can mean anything from being aggressive to just being confident to someone taller. It doesn't mean anything and it just causes a Catch 22; you either accept your place on the arbitrary social ladder or you're insecure and in the spotlight. You can't win because you're not supposed to win.

For every short jerk, there's also a tall jerk. A tall jerk who has popularity, fans, girls, money, and literally more weight to throw around. Am I surprised there's a preference? No. I can still be upset about it because I'm human and I'm naturally going to be mad at things that feel unfair and need leverage. And I'm going to be upset when it feels ignored or derided because people don't want to admit they have biases that are more socially acceptable. I'm going to be upset that I and others who are around my height or even shorter have to push limits every day just be treated equally. I can't imagine having dwarfism and seeing these videos or hearing others on the street.

I hear pretty much everything from "short men are rapists for wanting women to be attracted to them" to eugenics and wanting us just dead. There's definitely other traits that compound the toll on a person (weight for myself) that can be greater or lesser, but it's definitely consistent and I've been seeing it rise over the years after some acceptance in the mid '10s.

We need to have honest conversations and reflections about our relationship with size and what it means to be a man. If you want to abolish the patriarchy but still insult a guy because he doesn't look as big and strong and dominant as other men, then you're playing the same side as the men in power or manosphere chuds. The amount of radfems I see hating short men is honestly funny. Like there's no tall misogynists or abusers out there.

If short men, or just A short man messed you up, I'm sorry you had to go through that. But it wasn't like he was infected with the Small Virus, he might've been just a jerk, the same way tall people might be jerks. Just understand that you're overlooking many people because of a bad experience and how dangerously close that mentality is when applying to other people, or toward yourself.

If you read long enough, I congratulate you, and I offer you this one hell of a title I saw in a flea market the other day.

[positivityforlesbians]

Butches aren’t disappearing lmao. If you go on to the butch tag on instagram you’ll find hundreds of self-described butches. I have a feeling YOU are the one who doesn’t think of them as butch, because many of them identify as trans. Fix your heart or die transphobe.

An example of how lesbian blogs and lesbians in general are treated when speaking out about what we observe in our own community and therefore are qualified to talk about but are pushed not to talk about. We are not taken seriously, somehow supposed to believe that the lesbian community is something we can only perceive from social media (here Instagram) and not from our real life interactions and who we see in the streets as well. Butches are disappearing just as much as lesbian bars are disappearing, I know it, I'm leaning more butch myself. I can tell when I don't see as much as before my people. I'm talking with other lesbians in private too, without fear of critics. So you can "lmao" at this subject all you want it just makes you sound like the one insensitive to these visibility issues.

I'll also let you know that butch lesbians who identify as trans non-binary they/them or on the cusp with trans men he/him pronouns are still though of as butch by me, one cannot change their sexual orientation even if they later in life take a path of transition, so swallow your judgements right away. I'm not saying we were always numerous, but we definitely were more visibly numerous than that, more proud of being homosexual masculine women, all these words counting together, I'm not old but old enough to have seen that shift and it happened relatively quickly.

Anyway, I wanted to publish for this time what sort of messages blogs like positivityforlesbians can receive, we either have to comply and not talk about our worries and observations (lying to ourselves and saying it's not happening) or you get these aggressive sort of gaslighting messages if not directly threats and wishes of murder/death. We are not transphobes for simply talking about the very real fact that there are less butches nowadays as there was before. The Pride walk nearly 10 years ago in my city had so much more masculine women than the one I went to this year, that's a fact and I don't need a fucking Instagram check to see that, if you do not want us to talk about it maybe it's because you are uncomfortable with one of the reasons cited on why this could be happening. Fuck off.

[bubbelpop2]

Making my own post because someone disagreed with me and blocked me (which is fine)

I'm an intersex, autistic, queer leftist commie that was determined female at birth. (I hate that term but it's what I was labeled as) And I feel too afraid of women and men to show my pain in public sometimes. I feel compelled to perform masculinity in a certain way in front of people who believe men shouldn't cry or have problems that they can't solve. I have internal misandry.

And I've also experienced misandry from terfs, and from conservative clowns. I believe that men's issues under the patriarchy need to be taken seriously. I think we need to listen to men. We need to listen to trans men, cis men, intersex men, we need to listen to male leaning nonbinaries, other nonbinaries, and we need to listen to trans women who are considered men by transphobes and conservative clowns. We need to listen to trans women who grew up being so negatively affected by the patriarchy and so emotionally damaged by it, in so many ways.

And we deserve terminology for It. Misandry. Trans-Misogyny. Trans-androphobia. Men's rights. Trans rights. Women's rights. Feminism.

All of these terms have been used by stupid people for stupid things. Including feminism being used by terfs. Feminism needs to include trans women, and trans men, and cis men, and people of all genders. It should be about equality. The fact that it's called feminism doesn't mean that it's not about equality. I'm clearly not an uneducated conservative Christian 4chan loser just because I believe the term "misandry" has a real place. Misandry is a real thing. It hurts men. And it hurts me, and I'm a man. I deserve the ability to talk about the ways the patriarchy hurts me without others thinking I'm complaining about women getting treated equally. Because I'm not. My use of the term isn't about women. Anybody of any gender is capable of misandry, and perpetuating the issues of toxic masculinity under patriarchy.

I need to be able to talk about my experiences that hurt me. And so do other men of all kinds. And also people who aren't men who have experienced misandry. It's not about complaining that women get special treatment for their emotions. It's not about complaining that women are sensitive. It's about talking about how most men are expected by everyone, including themselves, to keep their mental health issues In-between them and their gun. They're not taught to articulate feelings. Literal actual children, four year olds that are crying, are punished for expressing upset emotions because they're boys. They're punished in school, by their peers and their teachers, for having upset or sad or angry emotions. They're not taught to breathe and cope and seek help for regulation.

These are real, actual, genuine issues that I try to help other men unravel and heal from. And I deserve to be able to talk about it in a way that's not just "toxic masculinity" because that implies that this phenomena is only perpetuated by toxic men. Which simply isn't true. Even the healthiest neurotypical mother is capable of it. She's capable of punishing a boy, a child, for crying. She's capable of demeaning him for having emotional issues. Capable of downplaying him, telling him to "just deal with it", and she's also very very capable of ignoring her husband's boundaries. Ignoring his comfort. Ignoring his emotional needs, and reducing his emotional needs down to sex and food and television. Which is disgusting.

I deserve to be able to use the term misandry without people thinking I'm a fourchan loser incel that hates women. I don't. I have a fear of them, because I've been abused by them. Both at home, in school, and at work. I've been made extremely uncomfortable by them, too. By this one girl my age who was really pushy when she was flirting with me, and made me feel unsafe enough that I needed to say "I have a girlfriend" (i did not)

[bengiyo]

The Warp Effect Ep 9 Stray Thoughts

Last time, we solved the current issues for Army and Kat. Kat teased a relationship with Jean, and now I need it. Kat also made me think about I May Destroy You all week, so there's that, too. Army and Joe learned how to be intimate in a way both could enjoy with Alex's help (clearly the most comfortable straight man). Kim is pregnant, but it seems like she doesn't want to keep it; Ice is excited to become a dad. Also, Nim and Bew broke up because Bew is going to America and is jealous of Mollie.

We're jumping right in to Jedi and Rose, who seem good about checking in when they go out. Unfortunately for Rose, Jedi clearly has an STD he's been avoiding dealing with.

Kinda interesting that the image for Jedi and Rose was witnessed by Alex, whereas in the others it feels like some other camera captured the image.

Oh, I do like Army leading with their HIV status. If Jedi is out there being unsafe, there's many debilitating things he could pick up and give to Rose. She has every right to be furious with him.

Due to the supernatural, I'll forgive this not-doctor and actual doctor disclosing patient information to others.

See-ew is wearing a Space Force shirt.

I don't think I had considered much which doctors trans women would visit about their sexual health depending on what paths they chose to pursue for gender confirmation.

Nim is pregnant, and Army's desire to be involved is giving me Queer as Folk vibes.

Okay, the excited little gay wiggle Fluke Pusit did for Army's mirth about becoming a father was good. He's talented, and treating this character seriously.

Good of Alex to cap off that conversation by reminding Nim that it's her choice and all of the men present support her. Alex is intriguing as a character, because he's still basically 18.

Very uncomfortable about pregnant Kim having alcohol and hanging out around smokers.

Chaladee and Phuwin are pretty good together. She's got to convey a lot of different feelings here, and Phuwin is responding in character as Ice really well. Managing an unwanted pregnancy when the non-pregnant partner wants it is not simple, and I like the way they're grounding Kim's reluctance. It's especially notable because we go back to the movie set, and Kim is clearly thriving here.

Yes, I am here for Mollie getting to loom.

Joong is very attractive, and I prefer when he has to bring more energy to his acting. GMMTV seems obsessed with making him play quieter and cool characters.

Babies are not a punishment for mistakes. It's also (currently) legal to get an abortion at this stage. I know the show is setting up this conversation to hammer home the point, and I'm going to reiterate it.

Oh, Jean. Also glad that we're acknowledging that any medical procedure can be scary, and few of us want to face that alone.

It was a very good choice to follow that scene with Ice talking to Alex. Despite their fraught relationship, Alex is still his brother, and he's a specialist on women's health issues. Alex steers Ice away from making the issue about him.

The timing of much of this is good. I like Army a lot here. He shares that he's actually excited at the prospect of becoming a parent, is willing to do it with Nim, and assures her he'll still respect her choice.

Interesting development! Jedi insists that he only has sex with Rose.

Joe and Army can't have one big moment without someone rolling up and immediately reaching for their phone. Goddamn. Y'all need to leave people the fuck alone. Joe isn't ready to be out, and he's going to blame Army for this because he came to the school.

The homoeroticism of laying on the floor after exerting yourselves together. We stay winning.

Placing Jan where her eyes would sparkle when she looked at Silvy was a gorgeous choice.

Jojo said, but what if the whole show was second chance romances??

I like that Nim and Mollie solved their own problem after others helped them with unrelated problems. It's a gentle message about how caring helps beyond the initial instance.

Is dressing like a flight attendant related in any way to what Captain did to Kat?

Another interesting development! Kat says Rose also insists she doesn't have sex with other people.

Alex thinking he possibly gave HPV to Kat was funny.

Newwie is actually pretty good in this role.

Oh, the mirror is a nice choice in the reconciliation between Jedi and Rose. They can finally face each other properly and clearly. They wanted to try being open, but realized it wasn't what they actually wanted. Still, I am invested in the answer about where they got infected.

I like how many scenes do double-duty in this show. We see Kat back on the wagon while also learning that Tony isn't a player.

Viruses are so annoying. I like the way this plotline with Jedi and Rose wrapped.

And look at Ice also coming through.

Jean looks so good.

So many problems next week! Liu is being harassed at work. Mollie is mad at Nim. Joe is being shoved deeper into the closet. Kat and Jean come to some big moment about Alex. Goddamn.

[just-another-frender-blog]

Futurama's politics have issues at times, but man--watching it as a kid, I did NOT appreciate how progressive Fry and Bender's friendship is. Even now, you don't see a lot of close male friendships like that. Fry and Bender live together, work together, show each other affection (even saying "I love you"), hate being separated and never treat love interests as a replacement. That's especially insane for a character like Bender who people (wrongfully) see as a toxic masculinity poster boy.

The wild thing about their relationship was that I not only thought it was very wholesome for an adult cartoon, but it's also very unique on its own. Male friendship is very prevalent in American media, but the relationship between these two is surprisingly complex. I think part of that is because it's far from perfect, or even "healthy," but the neat thing about Futurama is that its interpersonal relationships are like that. They feel like real relationships to me, and it's rewarding to see them grow as the series progresses. The characters are great on their own, but the way they play off each other really allows them to reach their full potential.

And about the part about love interests--I love how they don't let love interests get in the way of their friendship. Well, at least Fry doesn't; Bender can be very jealous about that, especially in Beast With a Billion Backs. However, I think that Bender has a hidden respect for Leela, and they both care about Fry a lot. He's their boy. On the shippy side of things, I would love it if Frender became canon, but that doesn't mean I want Freela to break up. I want to see all three of them can make it work as a poly couple in the 31st century (and from the few Freeler fics I've found, domestic Freeler is so adorable and underrated). I know it's not going to happen, but one can dream!

I think that if I watched Futurama as a kid, I would probably feel differently about Fry and Bender's relationship. I watched it as a queer adult and I feel way more comfortable about my own sexuality now than I did as a teen. I know that most pieces of media that I enjoy aren't made for people like me, and sometimes that can be a depressing reality. However, getting to see myself in the things I love regardless can be very empowering, even if it is all in my head. I definitely see myself in Fry and Bender as a queer person and a (probably) neurodivergent person, even if that's not how they're meant to be read.

And as a bonus: I also really connected with Leela's struggles to be taken seriously as a woman!!! She's a mutant (so not "conventionally attractive"), she's physically stronger than men, and she works as a pilot! And she learns how to find herself, and that she doesn't need to change herself to fit a traditional mold. I don't know about you guys, but Leela's character arc screams queer to me. I've even seen trans women say that they really connect with Leela, and I can see why. I love this aspect of her character and I hope we get to see it celebrated in the revival.

[radkindoffeminist]

I have a lot of issues with your pinned post and if you are willing to have a respectful discussion in dm's or whatever I will gladly explain my rationale on several of the points you made but I think you are really missing the point of inclusive language.

Yes, there are people who attack individual women for calling themselves "pregnant women" instead of "pregnant people." The reality is that there is always someone out there arguing for the stupidest possible version of any belief in existence. But that isn't the point of inclusive language.

The reason it's actually important isn't about validating people, it's about people getting access to the healthcare they need. If you, as a woman, go to a gynecologist looking for help with birth control, or pregnancy, or menstrual issues, etc etc you're not going to be turned away because "you're a woman, not a person." (This is NOT the same as not being taken seriously btw. Before you bring up that argument.) But trans men can and have been turned away from those procedures because "this treatment is for women/you can't possibly have [insert issue here], you're a man." Basically, read Stone Butch Blues I am begging.

Individual women can call themselves women as much as they want, but in medical settings it's important to use inclusive (and accurate!) language. "People who can get pregnant" acknowledges that there are women who are too young or old to get pregnant, or lack certain organs necessary for it, while including people who aren't women that can. And by the way, there are plenty of trans people who do encourage the use of inclusive language when it comes to male healthcare and are frustrated by terms like "womxn" being popularized.

You say you don't hate trans people or want us to come to harm? Help us protect our access to basic healthcare.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Medical inclusivity? Really? What makes you think that just turning from ‘pregnant women’ to ‘pregnant people’ is going to make people recognise that there are female people who don’t identify as women who can still get pregnant? Like, is that really going to be such a big problem in the medical community that actually we need to change all of our language because that alone will make doctors recognise that trans men can also get pregnant?

Moreover, even if I accept the above -that the language needs to change to accommodate trans people, especially as it seems like disagreeing with you about this makes you think that I want trans people to be harmed but I’ll deal with that later- why should it mean that I’m not allowed to be offended by this language change when it forces me to address myself and other women by our organs? This is especially offensive towards women who have a long history of being treated as a walking baby-maker/uterus/vagina. You only picked pregnant person in your example, but there are so many other terms I’ve seen: uterus owner, vagina haver, menstruator, etc. Why is my offence taken as hate on trans people? There are so many other terms which could be used which are significantly less offensive but those ones aren’t chosen, just the ones where we’re forced to refer to ourselves by our organs. Women, AFAB non-binary people, and trans men, for one.

Finally, if the actual argument that you’re going with is because it’s necessary for medical reasons then why is it only women who are targeted with this language? I literally don’t care that some people are encouraging the male equivalents because the reality of the situation is that these terms are directed almost exclusively towards women. There are so many examples of sites which use this language for women while men are still male! It just goes to show how deeply misogynistic this all is and how it was always meant to dehumanise women and separate us from our sex and our sex class.

You’ve basically just said ‘it’s better and more inclusive to trans people so shut up about being offended about it because if you disagree then you want harm to come to trans people’. You’re never going to care about my arguments or my feelings on this subject because all you’re going to do is say that I just hate trans people and want them to be hurt if I disagree. You don’t care about the fact that this language is deeply misogynistic and targets women. You just want us to shut up, accept it, and feel bad for being offended.

[jakethesequel]

I did finally get around to watching the barbie movie since my family was also watching it. I think it was probably the best movie that they could have made (which I mean to be read at least as derogatory as it is complimentary). It's well-made, and produced to a very high quality with the set and costume design etc. It's nice that it is at least in conversation with feminist criticisms laid at the Barbie brand for years and attempts to address some of them. And it does answer some, suggesting more diversity in their dolls, that it should represent less of an unreachable ideal for womanhood, that being a perfectly feminine Barbie Girlboss is just as restrictive a role as the domestic motherhood of earlier dolls, etc. That's a good message! It's a fine feminism 101 for a movie whose primary market is children, and the B-plot about Ken not needing to be a paragon of toxic masculinity or have a romantic relationship to be worthwhile is a decent one for young boys too.

But along the way to that message is where the movie kind of gets awkward, in its side plots and digressions. By far the worst of it is the inclusion of a Barbie Mount Rushmore and an incredibly tasteless metaphor to the smallpox plague that devastated Indigenous people in the Americas. Both go entirely unremarked on, which is indefensible. That aside, there are quite a few lesser issues that maybe don't ruin the movie but certainly become head-scratcher and leave the movie feeling incomplete.

For example, the Mattel boardroom. They're portrayed as buffoonish, but never malicious, because Mattel will sign off on a movie that laughs at them but not one that will seriously criticize them. Whatever, that part's probably unavoidable when Mattel is signing the cheques. The problem is that they're not just buffoonish, they're buffoonishly misogynistic. It's an all-male boardroom, for one, and the characters repeatedly make incredibly misogynistic statements. As far as I remember, this is never resolved! It's lightly criticized and then moved past without any real change, which really neuters the movie's criticism of patriarchy when all the feminist characters make no effort to change that. While it works with Ken for him to be misogynist due mostly to ignorance rather than hostility and be forgiven, that's because he's mostly there as a metaphor for young boys who haven't learned better. It's really toothless to treat a boardroom full of adult men actively enjoying patriarchal authority the same way and the movie probably would have been better with that whole plotline replaced with the FBI or something.

Also, Trans Barbie. I think it's incredibly great to see Hari Nef on screen, unquestioned to be just as feminine as the other Barbies. But while I love the representation, it becomes apparent that this is not a Trans Barbie, but a trans actress playing a cis Barbie. Barbieland in general has an extremely strict and seemingly unchanging gender divide, Kens and Barbies. There's no indication that going from one to the other, changing your plastic body, is possible. So the movie really fails to send a positive message to trans kids, who aren't gonna know the minutia behind each Barbie's actress. Alan is sort of a queer analogue, being not a Ken or a Barbie and having an implied romantic interest in Ken, but it's only ever implied, almost as a joke like Sugar Daddy Ken and Magic Earring Ken (notably they never mention why those Kens were discontinued). In general the movie takes a wide berth around any queer issues that can't be couched in a joke, and I can only imagine that's Mattel's influence again. Like the previous Mattel point, this really serves to diminish the movie's message. You can only go so far to criticize patriarchy if you refuse to include a queer angle. Especially given the focus on the relationship between Barbie and Ken, it becomes awkward when the only options given mention are "cishet romance" and "no romance." It feels stilted that every Ken wants a completely disinterested Barbie as an inherent rule. The glaring omission of talking about queer issues (outside of jokes) in the movie seems purposeful and targeted on Mattel's part.

[computerpeople]

i wish i could figure out how to put how i feel about misogyny into words. i think a lot about it's role in my existence as a transman and i wish it was easier to talk about. i hate all the arguments about "all men includes trans men" or "but but but but transmen are except from hating men right?!" or whatever because thats never been an issue for me i guess. if someone hates all men im either included or unincluded depending on their definition, and im fine with that, i don't really care. as a transmasc, i am both able to perpetuate misogyny and also be a victim of it.

my issue is that everything i have ever done and will do will be wrapped in a blanket of misogyny. growing up i was a tomboy, and an ugly girl. i knew those things abouyt myself from the get go, probably because i was put into ballet at a very very young age (1-2 years old) and that taught me many things about myself, mosrly about how i don't fit in with other girls. i was assumed to be a lesbian by my parents, and confirmed this after i started dating my now ex boyfriend, who was also openly a lesbian at the time. and that followed me for years. no one around me cared that we were two transmascs, that we used boy names and he/him pronouns and were more openly transgender than anything else. we were the middleschools raging bulldyke couple. we were called carpet munchers and dykes and forced to sit apart from eachother in classes because us being next to eachother caused too much upheaval in OTHER students. he was able to transition easily, with social support, because he had money, he had loving parents, and most importantly: he was skinny and attractive. when people began to take his identity more seriously, they didn't spare me the same grace. i was still seen as an ugly, fat girl dating a guy out of my league, i had people tell me he only dated me because id accept his gender, that i was a fujo for wanting to date him, etc etc. all while i was also openly trans. i got misgendered, i was the ugly girl. he got to be a boy.

nothings changed. im 22 years old, im on testosterone, and i am still treated like an inconvenient, shitty, loud tomboyish ugly girl. i am constantly sexually harrassed by people who think it is attractive that i am openly an ugly girl. they ask me to have sex with them, to see if they "like men" but i know what they want. theyh want to bang me as a woman. they want to use me as a woman. they comment on me when i get on my knees, saying thats where i belong and where i should remember my place is. they slap me on the ass to get a feel and tell me its because thats what "boys" do to eachother. they call me ugly, they say every single unadulterated thing they ever want to say to a woman to me, because its cool right? im just one of the boys? so that gives them free reign to say all that shit to me? to cop a feel? bros just hug eachother all the time, i swear im not trying to feel where your nipples are in your binder. ignore me shifting you around, its unrelated. i am seen as stupid, i am seen as lesser, and i am seen as a sex toy. an ugly girl who thinks shes "strong" enough to handle the boys, andf theyll make sure i learn how stupid and ugly i am for thinking that. theyll make sure i get put back in my place.

i am not seen as a guy. i don't think that'll ever be my truth. i am seen as an ugly girl, and it will continue to follow me for the rest of my life. i wish that testosterone was not seen as this magic, amazing drug that makes everyone pass. i have been on it. ive grown my facial hair. ive deepened my voice. but i am seen as nothing but an ugly girl who forgot to shave. an ugly girl who needs to be reminded who i am.

[friendhearts]

okay but genuinely some of y'all Do treat trans men like shit and act like it's okay for whatever reason. "being a man is disgusting and trans men are men so therefore all trans men are disgusting" is not the genius inclusive take u think it is. I'm happier like this than I ever will be as a girl and you people won't take that seriously and will even berate us for it and then turn around and say shit like "trans men aren't oppressed/don't face any issues or discrimination" (yes this is an actual thing I have seen people say)