#This also get a lot longer and sadder than i expected VERY quickly.

[ancha-aus]

Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Life Finds a Way

Pppst @spotaus you ready? :3

For those people who noticed. Spotaus and I have been talking some lore. And I wanted to write a little thing about it! (also i am noticing that all my gifted drabbles to Spotaus about this AU is about Ccino? woops? I will probably eventually do other charactes hahah)

For now? I hope you like this Spotaus :D No beta or edits :D

Warnings: Child abuse, mentally and emotionally. implied harrassment but nothing actually happens. Forced child labor. Very unhealthy eating habits and forced dangerous dieting. fat-shaming. suicidal thoughts (not a lot and not too specific but it is there). Gaslighting and manipulation. (reminder for everyone. Ccino is SEVEN in this.)

Please let me know if you spot anything else i need to warn people about okay? But i think i got it all.

*--------------------------------------*

Sera turns to him and looks unimpressed "well? Hold the three trays."

Ccino looks nervously at the very large plates filled with cups. All wooden now but they are heavy. Ccino carefully picks one up and can't quite balance it in one hand. Much less hold it with one arm. The plate wiht cups falls to the ground wiht a loud clatter and he flinches at the sound.

Sera sighs loudly as she shakes her head "another disappointment. I keep telling you you only have this week to learn. yet you seem set on not learning at all!" she snaps.

Ccino looks down and mutters "I... i am trying... i am sorry. i just..." he is still so sad... he has been here a week now and just wants to roll up a cry. but everyone keeps telling him he only has a week to practise and then he needs to work with everyone else.

He still doesn't understand the castle and where everything is. Much less every servant pathway.

The rules are confusing and sometime she doens't quite understand the accents people use or the words they say.

Sera glares and raises her hand. Ccino pulls his head back and closes his sockets.

Nothing happens. He sneaks a look and sees Nim staring Sera down.

Sera falls to her knees and bows deeply "My king. I apologise. The child is stupid and can't learn."

Nim just sighs as she rubs her forehead "I thought i was clear. He has a purpose. For this purpose he is required to learn and not have marks." she looks at Sera before turning her attention to him and the mess on the ground.

Ccino looks down himself as he feels the tears return. Anytime he sees her all he can think about is the fire. all he can think about is his parents trying to reach him. the locked door. the fire. the screams. he had been able to smell it in the carriage and-

"I see you still make messes." the disapointment is so obvious.

Ccino tugs on the shirt he had been gifted. His clothes that his parents had given him had been taken as soon as he got there. After his forced bath. something about cleaning off the dirt from his old life. the grey uniform had been left instead.

Though Ccino can't help but notice that his clothes are slightly different from other servants. There are tiny motives of apples and branches around the edges and seams. tiny details. Ccino figured it was because of his status as trainee but... well.. why special outfits when he only is suposed to train for a week? why make all his stuff have those?

Nim sighs loudly and Ccino pushes the tears away as he holds his shirt tighter.

"I will remind you. I expect perfection. I don't have use for unworthy people." some movement "And i expect you to train him well. There is a lot counting on this.".

a moment of silence and the king is gone.

Sera gets off the ground and glares at him. Ccino shivers as he waits. Sera huffs "pick up the tray and the cups. set it up again and get it ready. You failing will also look poorly on me. Get. To. Work."

Ccino nods and kneels down to get the tray and start moving one heavy cup at the time back on top of it.

until he ends with three filled trays again. And he tries to carry all three of them. again.

It drops a few more times but he ends up managing to balance one on his arm. Even if it is really heavy and his arm starts to ache.

Sera nods "Good. Now hold the other two trays with both your hands."

Ccino stares at her. is... is she serious? how... how is he suposed to? That is so heavy! His arm is already shaking. Sera just stares at him and looks at the trays "Well?! You udnerstand that right?!"

Ccino nods and slowly takes one of the trays. it woobles as he transfers it to his arm already carrying the tray. it is so heavy.... he manages to grab the third one and has to concentrate on not dropping anything or letting it fall over.

Sera sighs "finally managed to get you to do this stupid trick. it isn't even that hard. Now. Walk to the other side of the room and put all three down on the other table. No. Dropping."

Ccino glances over. it is so far... He takes a shaking step and all the trays start to tilt and he has to stop and correct them all. He looks unsure at Sera but she just points at the table and taps her foot.

He misses his mom. His mom would hug him and tell him it was okay when he dropped something. that they would clean it up together and next time ccino had to test before trying to lift something.

He takes a few steps and has to stop again. the trays barely don't fall and his arms hurt. The trays are just so heavy. Sera lets out another annoyed sigh and Ccino takes another few steps.

It takes long but he manages to make it to the other side. he puts the trays down and looks back.

Sera sighs as she shakes his head "You are much too slow and clumsy. you will never make it anywhere fast enough even if you use the tunnels. this is such a waste of time and you are clearly not the right pick. But. the king thinks you are the right pick! So we will just have to waste a lot of time on you." she glances at him and looks annoyed "and stop your annoying crying. you are acting like a child! You are gettnig the honour of working under the greatest king to have ever lived and work towards a glorious future! And you are thankless!"

Ccino sobs and rubs his sockets. his arms ache. he is so tired. he just wants to be home and hug his dad. his dad always makes the hurt and scared feelings go away. his dad's hugs were magical like that. his dad would always tell him the magic behind his hugs was love and so they worked best for ccino and ccino's mom because dad loved them both so much. Ccino wants him back.

Sera sighs "okay. once again. How do you get from the kitchen to the warroom?"

Ccino stares at the ground and mutters "i.. euh... i would."

Sera groans "speak up! If someone asks you to speak you speak up and proudly. No stammering. We have more important things to do than wait for you to figure out how to say a basic sentence."

Ccino flinches and nods as he tugs on his shirt. "To... get to teh warroom... f-from the kitchen.. you need to exit and go by the servant rooms. then past the storage. you get to the hall... then go up and up. then the..." was it east or west?! "west wing... then up again. and there should be a... red door. there is the warroom..." right?

Sera sighs loudly "we don't call it the servant rooms. we call it the servant quarters. Aside from that we don't call it going up and up. We call it going to the second floor." she shakes her head.

Ccino looks down and feels frustrated. but he was right! The directions were right! What does it matter what he calls things. some words are hard to say and he never used them before! it is just to know his way around right? why does it matter what he calls things in his head?

Sera walks towards the door "come. we will go to the kitchen so you can practise cooking again." she looks abck annoyed "and don't burn yourself again. YOu are suposed to be markless. perfect. act like it." and she leaves.

Ccino follows after the other. He wishes he was in bed and could just sleep.

they get to the kitchen and Sera looks at him "We will try an easy recipe because you are just useless. Start with a fritatta. Even you should be able to make that." and she waits.

Ccino stares at her. what is a fritatta? He glances around but there are no ingredients out already and there is no paper with the recipe on it. what... what?

Sera looks annoyed "it was in the book you were given to study at night."

Ccino looks down. When he got here and dropped off in his room after the forced bath there were a bunch of books. like ten and tehy were thick. all about manners and chores and how to act and who was who. He... he thinks there may have been a cooking book somewhere in there?

Ccino speaks up "i can... get it?" maybe then he can cook this weird fritatta thing?

Sera sighs loudly "and be fast."

Ccino rushes out of the kitchen and back to the servant quarters before running past the door leading there. He still isn't sure why he has a private room but at least this way people don't hear him cry at night. He gets there and searches between the books. eventually finding an old book and-

Why... why can't he read this?! It is all another language?! He opens it and looks for anything he can read but it is all just... weird! how... how can he? how is he suposed to read this?!

He still picks up the book and brings it to the kitchen. Sera looks at him expectingly "Well?"

Ccino looks down "i can't read this..."

Sera sighs loudly "Of course you can't do soemthign as basic as reading. you are an uncultered idiot. Honestly what did you do before? just play in the mud?"

Ccino feels close to tears as he remembers helpign his mother in the store with counting out change and helping refilling shelves. Helping her do the dishes as she teaches him how to make bread and deserts. "i can read... i just can't read this... this language..."

Sera frowns "You don't know french?! how can you be seven already and not even know french as well?! honestly the education is going downwards so quickly." she sighs and shakes her head "i supose i will just have to assist you again and get you a translated version. very well. For the meal you are about to make you will need the following. and pay attention because i don't like repeating myself."

Ccino rushes over as he tries to get the ingredients as quickly as possible. He just hopes he doesn't burn himself on the pan this time.

----

Ccino pants as he leans against the wall. He thought the first week was hard. It was much harder now. He kept getting orders that he needed to complete. bringing things around. helping making things. serving things to people.

It is all so hard and everyone just stares at him disappointed all the time. He wants to cry.

but crying isn't allowed. they were clear on that. if he cries he will just be locked in a dark room.

Something about them not being allowed to punish him the normal way. so they have to be creative. He doesn't like the dark closet. It is dark and always cold and he is so alone. No one talks to him when he is in there. he doens't hear anyone when he is in there.

He doens't even know what he does to get locked up in there. They never say what he does wrong. They just say he deserved it... is... is he a bad kid? is he being bad? mom and dad always siad he was good and they loved him... how come he is suddenly bad? he is trying. he is really trying!

He just wants to sleep and cry. but he is still in his shift and needs to work...

He gets to the kitchen as his arms ache. the cook looks up and waits. Ccino finds his voice and manages to not make it clear he is close to crying again "i delivered the food."

the cook, he never introduced himself, huffs "you better not have messed up my presentation again!" and he turns abck to the stove.

Ccino nods nad walks over to the chores board. it is magical... probably. ccino doesn't know how it works. just knows it shows what he needs to do. soemthing about the ehad of the house deciding who does what and when. He looks for his name at the very bottom and stares in shock. There is a demand for him to go to the throne room!! For a long time now!! Why did no one tell him?!

He rushes out of the kitchen and dives into the hallway to the servant quarters. he stops between the doors to the washing chambers and the dressing room and opens a panel to show a pathway. it is one of the many servant corridors that linger the castle. it makes it easier to get to places quickly. this one should lead towards the big entrance near the throne room.

He runs down the path. jumping over spare uniforms and discarded items and tools as he rushes.

He checks to make sure no one is watching before fully exiting. he rushes to the throne room and takes the servant entrance to it.

No one is there. Aside from Nim on her throne. She is drinking out of a fancy wine glass with wine that is probably more expensive than anything Ccino used to own put together. He glances around but sees no one else... euh....

Ccino doesn't remember a specific message about why he needed to be there. just that he needed to go there...

Ccino walks into the area and bows deeply "my king." even the title leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He hates the king. he HATES her with every spec of his being. but he can't do anything.

Nim hums as she looksup from the wine "you are slow. but you are a child and only have short legs. I expect you to get better with time. If i don't see improvements I will have to look for your replacement."

Ccino nods before answering "of course my king." please let him leave. please let that have been it. please-

Nim stnads up "but. I called you here for a reason. Follow me." and she turns before walking towards the exit.

Ccino wants to cry. he doesn't want to be near her! He doesn't want to follow her!

He follows her.

People stop and bow at Nim before shooting him glances. As they walk past Ccino can hear them start muttering things. something about it becomign official.

What... what is becomign official?

Nim leads him towards a whole otehr wing and up a set off stairs. very deep into the castle. Ccino hasn't been here before. just saw the pathways on the map he was given when he first got here two months ago. one he was told to memorise.

They stop by a door and Nim opens the door.

It is a child's room?

Nim walks over and Ccino sees two cribs. One with a very detailed moon and one with a very detailed sun. There are healers in the room who are keeping a close eye on the two babies and some maids filter about. nurse maids?

Nim walks over to the crib with the sun and picks up one of the babies- that is a skeleton. a baby skeleton?

Nim waves him over nad Ccino follows the wordless comment.

Nim starts to speak "This. Is Dream. He is my heir and will become your king in thirdteen years." she kisses his little skull before pointing towards the other crib "That. is Nightmare. He will be Dream's...." she smirks "He will help Dream rise to his rightful position of king."

Ccino looks at the two babies before back at Nim. Not sure what she wants from him.

Nim doens't take issue with him being quiet as she just keeps talking "your purpose and main job. is to do whatever it takes to get both of them to the right age of thirdteen. Their schooling and training will be arranged by others. But you will be their main caretaker. You will feed them. bath them. Make sure they are rested. You will be there for whatever they need." she looks at him. "understood?"

Ccino isn't sure how good he is at taking care of babies?! It does explain the child book that was in the pile. He nods and bows "of course my king."

Nim nods and turns back to look... almost lovingl at Dream "When they time comes. when Dream becomes king. You will be his."

Ccino freezes. What?

Nim continues to speak "You will do whatever he wishes. YOu will be his first mate and by whatever he wants."

Ccino feels his throat locks up before he wheezes out "But! He will be thirdteen my king! I would be twenty!" that is weird. that is gross. and is disgusting?!

Nim chuckles and looks amused "There will be ritual. Which will make it able for dream to go from a weak child to who he was always meant to be. a powerful being rivalling the very gods." she kisses the little skull of the sleeping baby. She grins at him "I myself went from age fourteen to twenty four in one moment. body, mind and soul all immediantly to that stage. Not a single lingering emotion of feeling from childhood. The ability to leave childhood behind with just one single ritual. It is wonderful."

Ccino disagrees. He doesn't want to marry Dream?! Dream is a baby? One he is suposed to raise? It would be weird! It would be like him marrying his old babysitter? and she was nice but she was also really different?

Nim puts Dream back in the crib "You will be allowed entrance and the maids will continue to feed both the twins. Your focus will be on Dream. Dream needs the most attention and care. But make sure Nightmare is healthy." she leaves him frozen in place "You are dismissed."

Ccino stands there as he watcehs the healers and nurse maids go about their work. After they finish they leave the twins in their cribs and leave.

Ccino shakes as he looks at the two children. the two baby skeletons. One, nightmare, yawns and opens the sockets. He looks at him curiously before babbling and holding out a tiny hand to him. him being awake seems to wake Dream as well as the other twin does the exact same thing as Nightmare.

Twins.

Ccino holds out both his hands and lets the two tiny babies hold his fingers. watching the two babble and tug on his hands happily as he feels his world falling apart even further.

----

One of the few things he kinda likes here is the food. It is always delicious and rich of everything.

Even the servants eat well!

Ccino sits in his seat as food is served.

One of the few things he kinda likes is having dinner with the other servants. Sure they all shoot him looks and mutter about favouritism but at these moments no one really seems to care!

They hand out food. talk about some light gossip. Talk about which nobelman or woman and shooting them considering looks.

Ccino likes it. it almost feels less like a prison like this. And he feels abit more connected with the others.

His private room is nice but well... it shows how much he is singled out. How he has a different main job than the other people. How from the start his job was different.

Everyone knows it.

It is what the apples stand for apparently.

That you are owned by the king. or future king in his case.

He heard some coucil people talk about how much of a shame it was that he was offlimits.

Which Ccino really doens't want to think about.

But! the food!

He feels his magic yearn for the deliciousness. It looks like some slowly cooked meat with a lot of potatoes and vegetables!

Oh it is going to be so good and he will sleep well tonight!

A plate is set down before him and he grabs his fork and knife. Waiting until everyone is served and-

His plates gets taken away!?

He looks around with a glare but it melts away as he spots Nim! He looks down immediantly "my king?"

Everyone is quiet and waits.

Nim looks at the meal with a huff before pulling him upright. Ccino stands before the king and waits.

Nim huffs and she pokes his stomach "You really going to eat even more? When you already have fat building?"

Ccino is confused. Skeletons don't get fat? It is just how magic is stored? Ccino knows he has the same way of magical storage as his mom has... had. She was short and a bit wider than most monsters. But his dad always said she was the most beautiful monster so obviously she was? and dad always said he knew that ccino would be like her and ccino had been excited? because he would be pretty like his mom?

Nim shakes her head "a glutton. That is a habit we will need to cut off right away."

Ccino looks unsure at the plate that she just. throws out. wait?! But his dinner?!

Nim nods to herself as she looks at him "Your eating habits will be monitored. You are still growing and so it is most important you have the correct diet." And she leaves.

What... what just happened? where is his dinner... He looks confused at the others but no one is looking at him. They eat as if there is nothing strange going on and his dinner wasn't just thrown away.

He moves to get a bit of the leftovers. They are always allowed to grab those. But as he moves to get a few of the leftover potatoes a hand pulls him away from the food.

Ccino looks confused up at Sera "but... I didn't get food? I didn't get dinner?"

Sera looks unamused "Oh you can't be that much of an idiot. The king wants you thin. thin and pretty. Not fat and ugly. So you are going on a very special diet. You will know what you are allowed to eat." she points to the door.

Ccino looks wishfully at the wodnerful meal before hanging his skull and moving out of the room. He walks back to his own room and opens the door.

Hope blossoms as he sees a plate and he rushes over. Only for his smile to fall.

It is... some cauliflower, zuccini and eggs.

It isn't bad? It is okay he thinks? He takes his seat and eats his food. It fills okay but he still feels like it was a small portion... But... they seem convinced this is right for him... had he really just been eating a lot? Had he really been a glutton as Nim said he was.

Still he doens't feel that full but it has been a long day and he really jsut wants to sleep.

He lays the plate to the side to clean up before breakfast and gets ready for bed. He lays in his bed and closes his sockets. He will need to be up at 5 am again. Eat his breakfast and check the twins to help build a bond... then he has chores and rushing from place to place again and more time with the twins...

He... He isn't sure what to do... he isn't sure if he can do this... He just wants to go back home...

He wishes he had been with his parents inside the house.

----

He is tired.

He just wants to sleep.

It has been half a year now.

He doens't feel any less sad.

He is so hungry.

Ccino is only allowed one meal a day. in the morning. nothing else aside from water.

It always feels too small and ccino is convinced the portions are getting smaller. Is that really all he needs? It doesn't feel like enough... but aparently he doens't know.

Everyone tells him he doesn't know anything. That he is dumb.

Maybe they are right.

He just wants to cry.

He doesn't want to go back to his room. nobelmen have been hanging around the servants area and they always look at him in ways that make Ccino feel gross.

But he can't just sit here. He is near the warroom. Hiding. People don't usually come here unless they have to get to this room.

Ccino already spend his morning with the twins. He figures he should ahte them but they always look happy to see him and babble and they let him hug them.

He hasn't had a hug since he was taken.

He needs those hugs. Even if the twins don't know how much it means for him.

Ccino sighs as he remains in his little corner. at the moment not caring his shirt will most likely get dirty and messy by doing this. He just doesn't want to be anywhere near the visiting nobelmen and those hands that reach and touch.

He just wants to be left alone. He used to hate being alone but now being alone is better than having others near. Everyone is always mean.

Even if he is fat and stupid he doesn't want others to be mean. He is trying his best. he really is. He knows he isn't enough. He knows he needs to do better. but it is hard! He is trying to learn. He just.

He sniffs.

ccino rubs his sockets nad mutters "no... don't cry... they will hear you and be mad..."

He feels sick. he feels tired. he hasn't felt his magic in a while and he can't even see in the dark anymore. something that every skeleton should be able to do with magic. but he can't.

Again shows he is just not good enough.

a movement in the corner of his sight and he freezes. He sneaks a look and stares.

a... cat?

what is c at doing inside?

A beautiful big cat... one of those very wild cats that his dad used to talk about.. maine coons? Didn't those cats also hunt like... foxes or soemthing?

The cat turns the corner and Ccino rushes after it before speaking in a whisper "oh no kitty... you can't be inside..." Nim had once called all cats vernim and disgusting. something about cats not listening or something. Ccino needs to get the poor cat outside!

He turns the corner and looks around before seeing the cat near an armour set up as decoration.

Ccino inches closer and whispers "No please be careful. those things tend to fall over..." he had been locked in the dark room for hours on end when he knocked one over an accident "lets get you outside okay?" he sniffs as he tries to remove some of his last tears.

The cat looks.. weird? almost shining and... wait... the tail doesn't look like a normal tial but more like... it has tiny branches? huh?

The cat disappears from sight and Ccino gets to the armour. He grins as he looks around it but it falls as he can't see the cat. He looks around and spots that one of the tiles on the wall seems out of place.

Huh... he never noticed that before... He nudges the tile and a part of the wall opens.

It is a crawl space and he barely fits. Maybe the cat went in here?

He mutters softly "here kitty kitty. it is okay... i won't hurt you... i am just trying to get you outside so you aren't hurt by any of the guards." he can't see anything in here but... well.. it is warm and it seems clean.

The door had closed and while inside he can hear others move about their day in the castle.

It is like one of the servant tunnels but not as crowded as the others... Not to forget it isn't filled with dust and dirt and instead very clean and warm. No draft or anything.

Ccino yawns as he rolls up in the tunnel. He had been wanting to sleep after all... maybe a quick nap... that is all.

Something wakes him and Ccino looks around confused.

Is he in the dark room? but it doesn't feel the same... it feels cozy and warm. Like when he would wake up in a tiny blanket fort in the middle of the night.

More sounds and movement of armour and Ccino frowns. armour? moving? guards? was there something about-

The guarding ceremony!! That was in the afternoon and he was suposed to be there! Oh no that is all the way in the hall and it is a nightmare to get there!

He qucikly crawls forwards. Maybe if he gets out he can take another servant path down towards the kitchen and rush to the hall? that is probably the fastest way and- AH!

He suddenly slides down as the tunnel dips. He ends up sliding to a stop right before anotehr tiny door. He pusehs it aside nad steps out from... under the stairs in the main hall?

Huh?

The door slides shut behind him and Ccino looks back confused. How did that tunnel lead... the way he had entered hadn't even pointed in the right direction right? but the tunnel didn't curve like that and-

"Ccino!" a loud hiss.

Ccino looks over and sees someone else motion their head for him to join them. It is Robin!! They are awesome! Ccino rushes to their side and Robin quickly pats him down from any dirt before standing at attention again and handing him a plate for himself.

Ccino stands ready and waits. watching as more guards move into the hall.

He had been on time? somehow?

The guard ceremony goes on as some guards are officially made part of the team to guard the castle. Nim is there in person but just stare at them. With a wave she leaves while the guards all mutter about it being a big honour.

Ccino rushes to join the other servants in bringing around food and snacks for them to eat.

His magic and nonexisting stomach knot together at the sight of food but he ignores it. He is used to these feelings by now.

By the time they get to the end he makes a quick escape to check on the twins again. He notices that they both seem to be bored and spends some extra time playing and hugging them.

Nightmare and Dream both lean against him and babble about their days. probably. Ccino has no idea he doesn't speak baby.

Ccino grins "really? and what did you do then?"

Dream is smiling happily as he throws out his tiny arms and babbles loudly.

Ccino nods "oh so true! You are so right for having done that. And what did your teddy bear do then?"

Dream wiggles from side to side and babbles and blows a raspberry.

Ccino gasps "Oh no he did not."

Dream coos and manages to stick his own foot in his mouth.

Ccino nods and hums "so true buddy. so true." he looks at Nightmare "What did you do little nighty? You stopped any traitorous teddy bear?"

As soon as Ccino speaks to Nightmare he coos and snuggles clsoer. Ccino grins and nuzzles the tiny skull "I see. You had a very busy day. I can only imagine."

He makes sure both the twins drink some of their bottles nad helps them burp gently. After which he puts them both in their cribs and tugs them in "there. all snuggly and ready for bed. You two be good okay?"

the babies are both already asleep.

Ccino hums a happy tune as he leaves the room.

He feels... good? Who knew a good nap would work so well!

He gets back to the servants area and checks his to do list. All clean! which means he can go back to his room and maybe study some of the books he got. try to memorise more and-

Robin stops him "where did you come from in the hall?"

Ccino frowns "one of the pathways? there was one that lead from near the warroom to there?"

Robin frowns "You mean the one that leads the to servants area? You wouldn't have exited in the hall. the hall only has two and none of them are near the stairs?"

huh... but he...

ccino frowns "I... I thought that..." he looks down. He had been so sure? sure it had felt weird but he was sure that was the pathway he took.

Robin's own frown lifts as they smile "hey. No worries. You are stressed and honestly they put way too much pressure on you... Even I can see that and I have only been here a few weeks now!" They grin "Get some rest..." they frown at him "You seem like you need it..." they walk away as they mutter to themselves about him looking pale.

Ccino frowns as he goes back to his room. He lays in his bed and thinks.

No he is SURE he got into that crawlspace... and it lead to the hall. He is very sure about that...

Robin is new... maybe they just haven't discovered all the paths yet?

Ccino lays in bed before having enough. He leaves it and sneaks around the castle. he knows he shouldn't be out this late but he needs to check.

He gets to the hall and goes straight to the stairs. It looks like a normal wall.

He searches for the usual marks that indicate a servant passage but doesn't find any... huh... weird but he... he came from here...

He sighs as he leans against the wall and yelps as it gives way immediantly. laying half in and hald out of the crawl space.

...

Why does he get the feeling he just found something he wasn't suposed to find?

----

After his first secret passageway he spend a lot of time trying other random walls in his free time. He was nearing his one year aniversary but he has found many at this point.

He has paths that lead anywhere he wants to be. Even the stables!

Which. very much impossible seeing as those are a seperate building.

Sure the tunnel he found goes down adn then up a bit before he exits into the storage area of the stables but that still seems like a stretch.

Who makes a secret tunnel underground to lead to the stables from near the library?

The point is. Ccino has a cheat sheet!

It means he can get anywhere impossibly fast with a smile on his face.

Which some found weird but mostly people just sighed and muttered about him finally being able to do the work he is suposed to. Nim looked satisfied and spoke about Nim having picked the right one after all.

Ccino even has one that seems to go up inside a pillar as he can just climb up vertically to get from the groundfloor all the way to the west wing fifth floor!!

That normally is a nightmare to get to within fifteen!

Ccino does have to remind himself to be careful.

Seeing as one time he tripped and almost fell inside one of those vertical tunnels.

Only for his hand to just happen upon something to grab on.

Ccino had just hang there. By a tiny stone ledge that seemed like a root. One he had been so sure hadn't been there before. BEcause he checks those tunnels to make sure he knows how to move.

So he sat there. in the dark. Having been saved from a nasty fall by.... by something.

Ccino had put his hands together in a prayer and whispered "to the one watching. to the one who helps. I thank you. I have nothign to gift but wish you well. For you are bringing a light to the darkness of my life. Thank you." and he had bowed. and stayed bowed for a minute.

He didn't have anyhting to offer as tribute. Fearing it would lead to mice or rats and that Nim would notice. But he could mutter small prayers.

Nothing official. He had no idea how one prayed to a god. The only reason he knew that that is what people do is because Nim demanded them all to pray to her before they ate. because she was their god.

Each time before his own dinner in the forced privacy of his own room he would pray for whatever power was helping him instead. Thank you.

Thank you for seeing he needed help and being willing to gift it.

Ccino knows it is something. Because the next time he used that tunnel more root like stones had appeared that mimicked railings for him to grab. these had also appeared in the other vertical climbing tunnels.

There was something magical in this castle.

And Ccino is very sure... it isn't conencted to Nim.

[step-on-me-khun]

This is my first time writing for something that isn’t ToG, please go easy on me, but still, I do requests and fics and stuff like that. I just felt compelled to write this. 

Post timeskip Kenma x Reader

NSFW

Warnings: Smut

Word Count: 1998

Request: 6, but still open

The tension was slowly rising between the two of you. Any moments spent together were quiet and uncomfortable. It was mainly due to one comment to gave Kenma when he was gaming one night.

"You know that gaming is a big part of what I do," he said, leaning back in his gaming chair, watching the characters moving around on the screen, "just don't get too surprised about how much I spend here you'll soon get used to it,"

You weren't too bothered about the extensive amount of hours that he spent gaming, as you would also game or stream, which kind of made your relationship a little easier.

But the lack of affection or talking, in general, got to you, making you sadder with every day. Sure, you shared a bed, but it wasn't enough for you. It was lonely, and you wanted to feel love and validation from him.

It was easy to understand his words, but it was also easy for you to feel emotionally withdrawn from him too. It was supposed to be a relationship between the two of you, something that made you happy. You loved him, but it felt more like his game were his main priority.

--

You were the only one in bed. The dark and lonely room only helped to make you feel even more forgotten and alone. The silence made you feel sick inside and made you desperate for Kenma to find you, to tell you just how much he loved and adored you.

Looking up at the ceiling, your eyes threatened to cry. Were you overreacting by crying? No, this wasn't you overreacting. He was your world. It didn't matter how long you would game for, your mind would instantly think of him whenever you were halfway through your game.

Tears spilt from your orbs, you close your eyes and try to stop your thoughts from overwhelming you.

Your arm moved over your face, wiping the tears away from your eyes. It was twenty minutes to midnight. You looked outside to the moon and the stars, picturing just how much better they looked in real life than in any game.

Moving the blanket away from your body, you shifted your legs off the bed. You stood up slowly, not wanting to move too quickly to avoid getting dizzy.

The lack of communication between the two of you was driving you crazy. It wasn't too much to ask of him to just put down the damn video game controller and spend some time with you, was it?

You walk towards the door and out of the room, geet leading you to where you knew Kenma would be. The whole house was dark, very little light was shining anywhere, but you could tell where he was, a stream of light peeking out from under one of the doors.

Little noise was heard as you stood beside the door, listening closely to anything and everything. He was good with his hands, that's what you would expect from someone like him, being both a promising volleyball player and a decent gamer, too.

He knew you were there, listening, but decided to just stay silent.

Your hand slowly opens the door, revealing him to you. His eyes never strayed away from the screen he was staring into.

Your vision was clouded by the tears that were still building up in your eyes. The only thing that startled him was the sound of you sniffling and sobbing lightly. His mood changed, but it wasn't enough for you to noticed.

Your feet brought you closer to him, leading you up to his gaming chair. You were compelled to place your hands over his eyes.

"Not now," he complains.

"I need to get something off my chest," you sob.

"Can't you just give me a few minutes so I can beat this level?"

It was both heartbreaking and infuriating. Anger burned inside you, running away would be a good option for you at the moment, but you didn't want to leave without saying what you wanted to say.

"How long do you think you'll be?" You ask sadly.

His eyes quickly glance at you, capturing a glance at your red face.

"Not long, just give me a few seconds," he replies, the tips of his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he concentrated on the last few steps his character took.

He saved his process quickly, sighing as he turned the game off. You didn't want him to be mad at you, but you also wouldn't forgive yourself if you walked away now.

"What is it?" He asks.

Your heart almosts sinks again, your emotions almost getting too much as he sits in front of you, looking as if nothing was wrong at all.

"I don't know how much longer I can deal with this," you sob.

"You knew that being with me would be difficult,"

"I know," you say, rubbing the tears from your eyes, "I just thought you'd come and find me, tell me that I'm more important than any character in any of your games. I love you, and I feel so alone,"

"I am sorry you feel that way,"

"Maybe it would be better if I left," you turn around and walked out of the room, leaving your boyfriend shocked on his gaming chair.

If any sense was in his mind, he would run after you. You quietly sobbed as you guided your way back to your room.

Opening the door to your room, you quickly move back towards the bed, falling onto it and wrapping the blanket around you.

It felt like the world was crumbling around you, and it was all because both of you were diehard gamers. You knew just how much gaming impacted his life, it was like that with you, but you never let it get to the point where it ran your life.

Your loud sobs continued as you lay on the bed, your body covered by the blanket, hands clutching at it.

The bed sunk beside you as you cried, which you felt. The sound of rustling caught your attention as your cries halted for a moment.

It was Kenma, he had come to for no reason other than what you had said to him before.

"You're not going to leave me, are you?" Kenma asks, his hand pulling on the blanket that covered you.

You were hesitant to give him a proper response. The blanket was pulled slowly off you. His eyes looking down at the floor.

You sat up, your face still red from the tears.

"I don't know," you say hoarsely.

He moves quickly, pushing you back onto the bed, hands pinning yours to the bed.

"Kenma what're you-" you start but was disrupted by his mouth pressing harshly onto yours.

His eyes were closed, but it took you a couple of seconds for you to respond and close your own eyes, melting into his kiss.

Physical contact with him wasn't common. Sure, cuddles and hugs were something that happens a lot between the two of you, but kisses and small stuff like caressing each other's faces was something that was a little on the rare side.

You slowly slide your hands away from his and instantly your arms found their way around his neck, your fingers tangling themselves in his locks.

"I'm sorry if I don't make you feel loved enough," he confesses as he pulls away from you.

You turn your head away from him, "I'm sorry too, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that,"

His hands take hold of the hem of his hoodie, pulling it and the t-shirt below it above his head and tossing somewhere in the room.

You knew what he was after, and you weren't going to deny him of it. There was so much tension between the two of you, and it was something that would eventually be released.

He moves down to your top, pulling it quickly off you, exposing your chest to him and the cool air.

You gasp as his lips touch yours again. It had been a little while since you had been this intimate with him, and you desperately didn't want to let go of him.

Your fingers lightly press on his lower stomach, tracing their way down to his tracksuit bottoms. You tug on the waistband a bit before pulling them and his boxers down, his erection springing free from the fabric.

He continues to kiss you as he kicks off his remaining clothes.

You were just in a pair of panties now, which his fingers had already looped around. He releases you from the kiss, moving to the side so that you could remove your pantied yourself.

He hovers over you again, his hand gently cups your neck, thumb on your mouth. He liked being like this with you, his rough hands would grab you anywhere, waiting for a reaction from you. It was like he was playing a level of one of his games, he liked conquering you like he would one of his game.

"Kenma," you moan, snapping him out of his thoughts.

His hands moved under your knees, pulling your legs up. Your eyes looked into each other as he lined himself up with your entrance.

Your lips were captured quickly as he plunged into you, gasping into his mouth as he moved roughly inside you.

Your fingers quickly found his hair again, pulling his mouth more onto yours as your bodies collided.

He was pretty damn hard to read at times, particularly when you were at it. If he was feeling lazy, then he'd just let you set your own pace or speed. But that wasn't to say that he wasn't overly gentle with you, because it was kinda rare that he was.

The more you got intimate with him, the more you realized just how rough he could be with you. His hands would roam you while you were kissing, or grab on tightly to your legs or neck. It was like there was a little bit of a sadist inside him, which was something you didn't think he had in him. It must've been all those games that he had lost and got upset about.

Your back arched up as his pace continued to speed up, your chest meeting his.

His hands reach for yours and pin them bot down onto the bed. The looks you would give him were enough of a reason for him to speed up, as well as the beautiful moans that would leave your mouth.

"Oh, my god," you moan silently, "Kenma,"

His head hides in the crook of your neck.  

Your vision blurred as you felt a knot starting to form in your stomach.

"Oh, fuck," you moan, your hands grabbing onto his.

He knew you were close, letting out small groans and hisses as your walls clench around him.

You could feel his breath against your neck, every groan and hiss he let out vibrated on your skin.

"Kenma," you cry loudly as you release onto him, your grip on his hands tightening more as you came.

Your eyes stared up, seeing nothing but the darkness that had coated the room around you.

"I do love you, you know that, right?" You heard him say softly. It caught you a little off guard.

"Maybe I overreacted," you say.

"No, you didn't,"

You smile, your hands slide away from his again and held him close to you.

"I love you too, gamer boy,"

"I like it when we're like this," his lips place a kiss on your sternum as he pulls out, then lays his head on your chest again, listening to your heartbeat.

You giggle at him, "so do I,"

Your fingers find his hair once again, but instead of pulling on his strands, your nails slightly scratch against his scalp. He like you playing with his hair.

[scarletdawnxx-blog]

Nightmares: A Bucky Barnes x Reader Story. Chapter 6

Steve loaded the last of your things into the truck you were taking. Stark wanted you to test out a new all electric option, he had decided he wanted to break into the all-electric vehicle game, he didn’t want to be shown up by Elon. Stark was all about going greener nowadays. You hadn’t seen much of Bucky since your date and your heart sank a little. Maybe the feelings weren’t as mutual as you thought. You tried to make it as unnoticeable as possible that you had been looking for him. You couldn’t really think of an excuse to linger any longer.

  “Well, I guess this is goodbye,” Steve said, putting the last bag in.

“Don’t say it like that, I’m only three hours away. You won’t get rid of me that easily.” You replied trying to lighten the mood. You would see them all again. They were your family. Nat smiled and gave you a tight hug. You had already said your goodbyes to everyone else. Tony was trying to play it cool but you could tell it was getting to him. He had treated you like you were one of his own, but you knew with the new Parker kid coming on board he would be just fine. Steve came in and gave you a big, crushing hug next. “Steve I can’t breathe,” you gasped out and he laughed. He kissed the top of your head and let you go. He was the big brother you always wanted, but it wasn’t his arms and laugh you were wishing for at that moment.

  “You let us know when you get there safely,” Steve said in a serious voice. You nodded and looked around the garage one last time. You opened the door to the truck and started to get in. He didn’t come to say goodbye. Your eyes met Steve’s and he gave you a sad smile. He knew who you had been looking for. Letting out a breath you climbed in and pulled away watching Steve and Nat get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.

  After the drive, you finally pulled up to the address you were given and it wasn’t what you were expecting. It was as if someone had dropped a very large English countryside manor in the middle of upstate New York. You made your way up to the front and were met at the door by Jean, you would know her in an instant, her hair was unforgettable.

  “Hello again Y/N” she greeted you with a smile. “The professor is waiting for you in his study.” She said and ushered you inside. The school was beautiful. Warm and inviting, with so much charm and character. You could tell there was a lot of love and happiness in these halls.

  Jean led you to a large office just off the main stairs. The professor was sitting behind his desk looking over papers. He looked up and smiled at the two of you and you cocked your head a little, catching your first glimpse at the Professor's feelings. Relief. It surprised you since even when you had tried to use them on him you were met with nothing. Completely locked out.

  “Y/N, it is so good to see you again. I hope the drive was pleasant,” he said and wheeled himself from behind the desk.

  “Yes, it was peaceful, you have a beautiful home here,” you replied, trying to make polite conversation.

  “Thank you, this has been in my family for generations. Shall I give you the tour?” he asked and ushered you back into the hall. You nodded and followed. “The first floor is offices and classrooms. You’ll find the kitchen at the far back, dormitories are the second and third upper levels as well as common areas. There is a pool, sports courts, and gymnasium around the grounds as well.” The professor went on as you followed him down the halls, he would point out the occasional tidbit here and there. You followed along and listened as he explained the classes offered. It really was a school for gifted kids and not just for their abilities but intelligence as well. You stopped suddenly when an overwhelming sense of grief hit you. You looked around and saw a young girl sitting in a window seat, staring out into the yard she couldn’t be more than ten or eleven. The professor noticed.

“Ah, that’s Rose. She has been with us for about six months now. She hasn’t spoken since coming here.” He explained and you looked from him back to her. What had happened that made her feel that kind of pain.

  “What happened to her?” You asked quietly.

  “Her powers manifested violently. It left her an orphan. She blames herself. I haven’t been able to reach her.” He said sadly. The poor girl. You approached her gently.

  “Hello Rose, my name is Y/N, can I sit with you?” You asked her and she nodded. You sat across from her and looked out the window as well. You looked back to Rose and focused. Her grief and self-loathing were overwhelming, you wanted to cry and scream out from everything she was feeling. How could she stay so silent with all that inside of her? “It wasn’t your fault.” You whispered to her and she looked at you shocked. “I can help if you want.” You offered up to her with a small smile and gave her a small glimpse of what your power could do, letting it just sweep gently over the grief like a balm. You caught a glimpse of the memory that these feelings were attached to. The utter destruction. Not even knowing what she could do she was powerful. “You didn’t know, couldn’t have known, what was happening. I know you miss them and blame yourself, but it wasn’t you.” You told her, taking her hand in yours. You had said something similar to Bucky and your heart grew sadder. “Don’t let this consume you,” you pleaded with her. Her anger was bubbling to the surface. She believed she needed to be punished. That she deserved to live in her own hell forever and that trying to take that away from her would take away her identity.  You wanted to show her a different way. “You know I have a friend who was a lot like you. He was forced to do terrible things, kill people. He didn’t have a choice but he still felt the guilt of everything that he was forced to do. It was eating him alive. He would have terrible nightmares, do you have nightmares?” You asked her and she only gave you a slight nod. “I could help with that. I could make them stop. Make all of it stop. You will always miss them, but it doesn’t have to hurt.” You told her hoping to get through. She began to cry and you scooted and held her close as she cried and cried. You held her and let her cry, you could feel her heart breaking over and over again as the cries echoed through the empty halls. When she had settled back down you pushed the hair from her face and wiped her tears away. “Would you like me to help?” you asked her again and she nodded. You smiled at her and just as quickly those feelings were gone. The grief, the blame, the pain. You took it all from her. She blinked at you and threw her arms around you in a hug. You smiled and hugged her back.

  “Thank you,” she whispered in your ear.

  “Of course, dear one.” You held her until she let go. “Why don’t you go rinse your face with some cool water. It will make you feel better and get a little rest. I’m going to go talk with the professor and get settled in. Find me later and we can go for a walk?” you asked and she nodded and bounded off.

  “You don’t know what you have done for that girl.” The Professor said.

  “Why have you never tried to use your abilities on her?” you asked wondering why he hasn’t helped her past her grief yet.

  “I have tried reaching her through her mind, she was so lost in her grief I wanted to give her time, see if she could come out of it on her own.” He explained.

  “She is a child, did you not think to try harder, to get her into therapy?” you asked annoyed that he let a child live in that grief for six whole months. The professor didn’t have an answer for that and continued on. You huffed but fell into step beside him. He led you to an elevator that began to take you below the main level. When the doors opened you were once again surprised by what you were seeing. An entire underground complex below the manor house. Here everything was bright and high tech and reminded you of the compound.

  “These levels are restricted to the children. Only those who have been deemed X-Men are allowed on this level. We have training rooms, labs, weapons room, and a hanger for the jet.” He explained as you followed him down the hall until you came to a large round door with an X across it. The professor approached and a retinal scanner activated. The doors opened to reveal a massive round room. A large platform jutting into the center. “This is Cerebro, this is how I found you, how I find more like us.” He said and you followed him in. You were in awe of the cavernous room. Metal panels lined the entire thing and a small control panel sat at the end of the walk way that led to the center. “I know this is all new to you and a lot to take in. It has always been my wish to help those who feel lost and different. Not everyone can always be helped.”  He said sadly and you knew there was more there to dive into but now wasn’t the time. “I hope that you can find the answers you are looking for here, and perhaps help us, as you helped Rose.” You followed him back out of the room and he led you to a lab where you were greeted with a very large blue, something. “This is Doctor Hank McCoy.” The professor introduced and he extended his hand which engulfed your own.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He responded and you smiled and nodded.

“You as well. What are you a doctor of?” you asked, looking around the lab. The doctor was full of curiosity and it made you feel a little like a lab rat.

  “Biochemistry and genetics, I also teach science and mathematics.” He explained. So, he was a super genius. Were all mutants this highly intelligent? You nodded and wrapped your arms around yourself, a habit that made you feel a little more protected from the outside world. “If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to run some tests on you, when you are ready of course.” Hank continued.

“What kind of tests and why do you need to run them?” you asked, trying not to sound fearful.

  “To get a grasp on the extent of your mutation to better help you and us to understand it and to learn how to harness it.” Hank said with a reassuring smile.

  “Hank has been invaluable in unlocking the secrets to mutation and helping all of us understand ourselves better. It doesn’t have to be right away. Get settled in, take some time, and Hank will be here when you are ready.” The Professor offered.

  “It has already been a long morning. If I could settle in a little, I would love to have a conversation with you Dr. McCoy, this is all just very new and a little overwhelming if I’m honest.” You offered up. It had been a long morning already. You had been on the road by eight in the morning and that was after loading the truck and saying goodbyes.

  “Of course, I will show you to your room Y/N” The professor said and you followed him from the lab. He took you to the third floor from the main level. This was where most of the instructors and so-called X-Men had rooms. Someone had already brought all your things in and your life was just a stack of boxes and bags in an unfamiliar room and all of a sudden the change really set in and a melancholy set into your chest. The professor excused himself and you shut the door finally alone. You sat on the edge of the bed and put your head in your hands, the emotions overwhelming you. Right now, your friends and life seemed a world away and not just a few hours. You pulled your phone out and saw messages from Steve and Nat. Steve as always was encouraging and Nat sent pictures of Tony after he had an experiment literally blow up in his face and singed half an eyebrow off. You laughed sadly at the image. You missed them all so much already.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Genji Heavy Industries (Part 2) Into the Underground

Chu Zihang makes me have a surprisedpikachu.jpg here.

ITT: The MC can have ally chats and date both genders soooo...

The elevator descended to the bottom floor. The door opened to pitch black.

Chu Zihang flicked on the flashlight. The beam of light illuminated the dusty statue of the Virgin Mary. Although pigment has faded due to age, the Virgin Mary statue is still flushed with a magnificent red and gold, which indicates that the paints they used were mixed with real gold powder.  

This is the second basement level of the Takamagahara. The building actually had a second underground floor and one of the four elevators was a freight elevator that could reach this floor.

"This house looks pretty old!" Lu Mingfei exclaimed, "This style is not like a Japanese house." 

"Before World War II, this was a Catholic church. After the Meiji Restoration, many priests came to Japan to preach, and there were many Catholics at that time. This was once a stronghold of the faithful in Tokyo, where dozens of priests lived and held regular services and masses." Chu said, "When Tokyo was bombed in World War II, the bas-reliefs and arches were destroyed, leaving only the main structure intact. The store manager saw its location and rented it, spending a lot of money to renovate it into a nightclub. The stage was originally where the organ was housed, and the card seating area was originally the choir stalls. This floor was a confessional and reading room, and was used as a bombing shelter during World War II. To this day it is a government-planned shelter, although the store manager is using it as a storage room." 

You’re riding on Caesars back, your legs straddling his waist and propped up by his arms. Even though there was no danger yet, you were still slightly inebriated by your night’s show and he insisted on carrying you until you sobered up. Practical reasons aside, he made it clear that he wanted you to stay close to him. You were essential to the mission. You surmised also that his own personal code of honor and justice pushed him to go the extra mile.

Everywhere the flashlight swept was grey with dust. The four walls were painted with chalk. The floor was just smoothed with cement. The walls still had traces of smoke and fire and, in the corners, were stacked organ parts, enamel-decorated pulpits, and two or three human-high crosses with aged ochre vestments hanging from them. You can vaguely feel the prosperity of this Catholic Church back then. You imagine the clergy shuttling to and fro, the sound of voices reciting the Bible. No one could have imagined that, a hundred years later, this place would become a nightclub of sound and fury of male strippers.

Chu Zihang found a cellar well in the corner of the hall. It was covered by an old-fashioned cast iron well cover. The rusty cover was probably hundreds of years old, and the German markings of the cast iron company were indistinct. Chu Zihang and Caesar worked together to move the well cover, and the sound of water gurgled in the darkness. 

"The sewer entrance is actually inside the building!" Lu Mingfei whispered in surprise, “So Hydra won’t even notice us going in and out of the Takamagahara!”

"It's indeed a very coincidental thing." Chu Zihang said, "I also did not expect the entrance to the sewer would be hidden in Takamagahara. I found the sewer map of Shinjuku district from the Internet. It doesn’t look very big. There are only a dozen sewer entrances and exits. Most of them are housed in a sewage treatment station. Only this cellar well is the exception. It should have been sealed long ago, but because it was connected to the shelter, it happened to provide an escape route, so it was preserved. I should say we got lucky, we found the shelter at the same time we touched the back entrance of Genji Heavy Industries."

Lucky, huh? You raise your eyes again to the statue of the Virgin Mary and the words of Z in your dream echoed. He was doing this for a reason. Was it revenge for Black Swan Bay? If so, why wait 20 years? He told you frankly that you wouldn’t be able to understand until the very end. But your skin was starting to crawl.

“MC! Come on.” Caesar was waiting for you at the entrance. He once again lifted you up on his back and carefully you descended into the pipe.

They went down the iron staircase into the sewer, the flashlight illuminating the mossy brick wall. The structure of this section of the sewer was very old, completely different from the modern Iron Dome shrine, with a semicircular cross section. A water channel was in the middle and narrow paths for walking were on both sides. The ceiling is draped with some kind of aquatic plant, dark green and hair-thin, and if you are not careful, they will brush your face like cold hands in the dark. There was a foot-long black shadow slowly creeping across the corner, and when Chu Zihang shone his torch over it, it suddenly accelerated and disappeared into the dark green plants, emitting a woofing sound similar to a dog's bark. Lu Mingfei was so scared that he leaned back, Caesar held him up in time, otherwise he would have been planted in the gutter. 

“Stop being so jumpy!” He hissed.

"It's a mud salamander, a kind of salamander, native to North America." Chu Zihang locked the thing's exposed long tail with the beam of the flashlight. "It eats the eggs of aquatic animals, which prevents them from overpopulating the sewers. They put them in the sewers as scavengers." 

"Holy shit! Scared the hell out of me! There are actually such dumb things in the sewers!"

"Each city's sewers are an ecosystem, where there is sufficient water but basically no sunlight. Those species that can adapt to the darkness will quickly reproduce and eventually form a stable biosphere." Chu Zihang walked ahead with a flashlight, "The sewer ecosystem of each city is different, related to the city's rainfall, temperature and the acidity of the groundwater. The most important thing to be careful of here is the small things like blood worms, they may lay eggs on you. The big things are mostly not dangerous, even the water snakes are also not venomous." 

"Anywhere you go, the sewers are not built all at once. The sewers you see now are the sewers of Shinjuku district a hundred years ago. Tokyo had a massive renovation of the sewer system ten years ago, connecting all the old sewer systems, and the excess groundwater enters the Iron Dome Shrine through the various sewers, and is purified and discharged into the sea from the mains. If we keep walking, we’ll eventually enter the main channel." Chu Zihang glanced at the map in his hand, "About 600 meters further we will pass under the Shinjuku subway station, where there will be giant water turbines, through the turbine holes we will enter the Iron Dome Shrine." 

"Brother were you born in the sewers, so you know so much about them?" 

"I googled it."

"But you can't read Japanese." 

"I have Google Translate, and I learned a few sentences of Japanese through Google Translate." Chu Zihang switched to Japanese and said, "Thank you for your patronage. I look forward to seeing you again. Would you like some more wine? Cry if you are sad. And that's about it." 

“You’re so smart.” You say, “Maybe someday I’ll be as smart as you.”

“You’re very intelligent in your own way, MC. Mostly by way of survival. In Chizuru, you didn’t hesitate to wait until nightfall, find your own clothing, make your way to the Internet Cafe and fend off attackers. You recognized the danger of the gangsters long before we did. And in the end, if I hadn’t distracted you, you probably would not have been injured. Those are the major examples. I could go on longer with the smaller examples. When I think of them I’m glad you’re our friend and not our enemy.”

“Aw…” You say, resting your head between Caesar’s shoulder and neck. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

Caesar snorted. “Speaking of flirting, I’m very surprised not even the hottest men of Tokyo could earn your favor tonight. You really didn’t see anything in any of them?”

“They each tried to sell themselves to me very well. But I wasn’t interested in what they had to offer. It’s not that they didn’t have anything.”

“If you had no choice and had to pick one… which one would you choose?”

“That’s a weird question. I’m wondering why it matters. Have you bet on a favorite to win?”

“No. I just don’t think it’s good to walk alone in the world. I was honestly hoping that you and Mingfei Lu would get along a bit better but…”

“It wouldn’t be good for someone like me to court an ordinary human. Playing like this for a show is… alright.”

“You loved someone back in your old place… what was he like?”

“She.”

Caesar’s eyebrows lifted. “Oh!”

Mingfei’s head swiveled in your direction. “You like girls!” He slaps his forehead. “It all makes so much sense now!”

“I didn’t know I did until I was asked that question about lost love. It’s a bit sadder now because if I had understood my feelings then, I would have told her.” You shift your gaze back to Mingfei. “Can I ask you something? Are both your parents Chinese?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You look like someone I used to know. I think he may still be alive. I liked him too.” 

“Then you swing both ways?” Lu Mingfei seemed to be having a mini-crisis. How was he supposed to protect your innocence from everyone in existence? It was funny to see him frantically holding back his bangs, concerned about that rather than being worried about breaking into the headquarters of the most powerful organization in Japan.

Caesar’s eyes shifted in your direction. “If you need help searching for survivors, you have the full support of the Student Union.”

“Thanks… If anyone could survive, it would be him.”

“That would be nice if you could meet again. Pick up where you left off maybe?” Mingfei rested his arms behind his head.

You stare at him in silence and give a sigh, your chest rising against Caesar’s back.

“Don’t mind him. It’s going to hit him in like an hour.” Caesar grumbles.

You bury your head in his shoulder, giggling.

[itsreigns]

Surprising Him

Elias x Reader

(Y/N) surprises him at Monday Night Raw after not getting to see him for a few weeks.

Warnings: Angst. Mainly Fluff.

Words: 2,676

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It’s been too long since I’ve seen my boyfriend. Three weeks with nothing but FaceTime and iMessage back and forth. I missed his face so much. Yeah, I know I saw it on the screen but it just isn’t the same.

I miss his face close to mine. I miss his face tucked into the crook of my neck. I miss his beard tickling me as he kissed down my body. I miss his scent. I miss the warmth that emanated from his body. I miss his deep voice. I miss him.

For the past few days, he tried to dismiss it but I could sense he was upset. If I had to guess, I’d probably say he was just bummed that we couldn’t be together on our first anniversary. He always said he wanted to be home, so we could have a private dinner, just ourselves, and enjoy our company. But unfortunately, his work schedule didn’t play in our favor. 

Initially, he asked for a couple of days off and they granted them, but a week ago, after Raw, he was informed that he was needed on the show on our anniversary day. He was so disappointed, and almost embarrassed when he called me to tell the news and call our plans off. I shrugged it off, obviously, and tried to comfort him. 

It wasn’t his fault, so I definitely didn’t want to make him feel even worse. Plus, it was very likely that it meant a huge improvement in his career and in his current storyline. Deep down he knew I was right, but I think he might have gotten the wrong idea. I had the slight feeling that he thought I was okay with not seeing him and not celebrating our anniversary. 

But it was the complete opposite. I was so heartbroken with the news of our now cancelled plans, but I didn’t want him to feel guilty or sadder about it. I moped around for some time, bummed about not seeing my husband, until I had a lightbulb moment. 

If he couldn’t come to me, I’d go to him.

How had I not thought about it before? Seriously, so dumb of me. It’s a special date for us, and I can definitely arrange to take some days off work. It will be perfect. 

I grab my laptop, my credit card and my phone and head to the sofa, ready to start booking my flight and arrange some nice hotel room for us. It took me about an hour and a half and lots of surfing the internet and scheduling to do it all, but it’s all finally set. 

Seattle is waiting for me! In three days, I’m going to surprise my husband on our anniversary. It’s going to be unforgettable. It’s not what we had planned or wished, but what truly matters is that we’ll be together. 

I decided not to tell him anything about my trip. It’s kind of rude, I know, but I’m definitely not trying to torture him. If I’m being honest, I just can’t wait to see the look on his face, always full of love and lighting up when his eyes land on me, especially after some time apart. And I can’t wait to have his arms around me, holding me tight against his warm and broad chest.

Three days later...

It’s finally here! Today’s the day. I’m already on the plane, 10 minutes away from landing in Seattle. I am so anxious, my stomach is flipping. I’ve got jitters just thinking about how close I am to seeing him. I swear I feel like a teenager on her way to meet her crush all over again. Help!

I’m bouncing my leg nervously, as I look through the window, watching the city come closer and closer in sight. When we finally land, I swear my legs tremble like jelly, I can barely stand up for a few seconds. It’s almost hilarious. I mean, he’s my husband and I feel like I’m about to go on a first date or something. I love how we still get this feeling about and around each other. 

Once I check out, I call an Uber as I go wait outside the airport. In less than 20 minutes, I’ll be entering the arena. Oh God, the chills running through my body just thinking about his warmth enveloping me. 

The Uber arrived in no time and the trip down to the arena was quicker than I expected. Thankfully though! The anticipation is killing me! 

I step out of the car, thanking the driver before he drives off. I reach my phone so I can pay for the ride, and give him a tip as well because he was so nice the whole time. When I’m done, I stare at the gigantic building in front of me, taking in the sight before texting Nattie, who was my inside girl. 

“I’m outside!” I write, barely holding onto my phone as my hands shake nervously. 

A few seconds later, it beeps, signalling a new message. “Don’t move! I’ll be there in 5. So exciteeeeed!”

I smile as I read Nattie’s text. Of course she’s excited, she’s all about surprises and parties and helping out her friends. I love her, she’s a great friend, I just wish I could see her often. 

“GIRL!” I hear her voice coming out of the building, making me turn as I spot her running towards me with a huge smile on her face. “How are you? I missed you so much!” She squeals excitedly, pulling me into a hug. 

“I missed you too, Nattie! And I’m better now that I’m here.” I admit, feeling myself blush a bit as we pull back and she fully faces me.

“Yeah, now that you’re about to see your man, you mean.” Nattie teases playfully, shooting me a knowing grin and earning a genuine laugh from me. “Let’s go inside.” She says, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and leading me through the front doors. 

We walk through God knows how many halls, carefully so Elias doesn’t spot me earlier than expected, until we finally arrive at the women’s locker room. As we step inside, all eyes turn to us. Some of them, I already met, the others I haven’t but Nattie quickly solved that problem by introducing me to everyone. And they are so nice! 

“Don’t be nervous! Elias will love your surprise.” Alexa said. 

“I bet he misses you so bad, he’s going to loooooooove it.” Nia replied.

“He won’t even see it coming. I want to see the look on his face when he sees you!” Lana added. 

Everyone was trying to support me and calm me down, I guess my nerves were that palpable. But being with them, eased me off. I’m feeling so much better, and I’m so ready to see my man. 

It’s been almost 2 hours since I’ve arrived. Raw is halfway through and we’re watching Elias’ segment. My stomach twists in nervousness from both his segment and our imminent encounter. God, I truly missed him. 

I watch him intently as he plays his guitar in the middle of the ring, only to be interrupted by Randy Orton who proceeds to attack him. They engage in a rough fight, making my heart contract in fear for Elias. I’m always so scared he’ll get hurt. He’s been there before and it wasn’t easy at all. 

The match finally ends. I look proudly at Elias through the screen, he’s all sweaty and there’s a bit of blood on his forehead but... I am so proud of him. All of his hard work is finally paying off. He so deserves everything good this world has to offer. 

“It’s time!!!” Nattie yells, clapping her hands enthusiastically, snapping me out of my thoughts. “C’mon (Y/N)!” She insists, extending her hand to me. I take her hand before getting up and following her lead. “Charly texted me, Elias is getting his forehead looked at by the medics, so we’re waiting for him outside the examination room.” 

“Okay, let’s go!” I say, taking a deep breath.

She squeezes my hand a couple of times as we walk towards the room, shooting me a couple of reassuring smiles along the way. Five minutes later, we arrived at the door signaled as examination room. 

“Now we only have to wait.” Nattie smiles, sighing deeply. I could tell she was also nervous for our encounter. She’s so sweet. “It will be great! I can’t wait!” 

By my count, it’s been 10 minutes since we got here. I’m getting super worked up, definitely not liking this delay at all. What if something was wrong with him? What if the cut in the forehead was more than a mere cut? I am getting even more nervous. 

Sensing my uneasiness, Nattie pulls me into a hug. “Hey, it’ll be ok. Sometimes these things take a bit longer than we’d like to.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just worried about him.” I mumble softly. “And I truly miss him.” 

“I know you do. He’s just seconds away, though.” She encourages, smiling widely as she pulls back and faces me. 

Suddenly, the door opens, revealing an exhausted and shirtless Elias, with his gaze glued to the ground as the palm of his hand is connected against his freshly stitched forehead as if relieving some of the pain. I can also see some red and purple-ish spots on his abdomen and his pecs. He really took a huge beating. 

“That’s my cue. Bye.” Nattie whispers to me, managing to leave without Elias noticing neither of us.

“Surprise!” I shout, for some reason really shyly.  

His gaze moves up in a fraction of seconds, shock written in his features as he stares down at me, his mouth hanging open. His eyes are shining, filled with emotion and love. I feel my own get blurry with unshed tears.

“What-? I mean, how did you-?” He tries to ask, unable to form a complete sentence. I bet his mind is running a thousand miles per hour. “Nevermind, come here, baby.” 

He takes a step towards me and I meet him halfway, launching myself at him, carefully so I wouldn’t hurt him, and hugging him tight, wrapping my arms around his waist, as if my life depended on it. He quickly envelops me in his arms as well, wrapping them around my shoulders and pulling me to him tightly. 

I can feel him taking in my hair’s scent as he kisses it a couple of times. That makes my insides flutter. He misses me as much as I miss him. How difficult it is to find someone who is on the exact same page you are. I am so goddamn lucky.

“Happy anniversary, baby.” I whisper against his chest, then planting a kiss right on the same spot. “I missed you so much.”

He pulls back slightly, resting his wounded forehead against mine. “Happy anniversary, love.” Then, he presses his lips to mine, slowly and gently, pecking me repeatedly. “It means a lot to me that you’re here, (Y/N). You have no idea how much.”

“Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be, Elias.” I reply, in all honesty. “Wherever you are, that’s home to me.” 

“I love you so much.” He sighs, hugging me again. “Every day that I spend with you just shows me that I made the right choice when I asked you to marry me. You’re my girl, and you’ll forever be my girl.” 

“And I made the right choice by saying yes.” I smile widely at him, once we pull back. Then, he lets out a weird laugh, so I raise my eyebrow in confusion. “What?”

“You know… I kind of got the feeling that you didn’t care that I couldn’t be home today.” I’m about to interrupt him, but he doesn’t let me. “I know you care, but I was just… angry for failing you, and then you just acted indifferently, and it kinda stung.” 

“I knew you weren’t feeling good about canceling our plans, I knew how much you wanted to be home, and I didn’t want to make you feel worse. It wasn’t your fault, and I bet you were feeling guilty. That look on your face right there tells me I was definitely right.” I chuckle, and he smiles back, as blush creeps up his cheeks. "I didn’t act indifferently.” I assure him, resting my hand on right above his heart. “I was destroyed inside, Elias. I missed you so much, and all I wanted was to have you for myself and myself only for a whole night.”

“You can have me, baby. Anytime, I’m yours. Only yours.” He reassures me, pecking my lips again. “I’m sorry I failed you, though. I really wanted to be with you, at home.”

“I know you did. That’s why I came up with this magnificent plan of coming all the way down to Seattle to surprise you.” I laugh, feeling really proud of myself. 

“Yeah, about that… How did you pull this off in like… what? Three days?”He asks genuinely curious and amazed by my idea.

“I sat on our sofa for almost two hours, surrounded by my phone, my notebook and my laptop. I called Nattie and she also helped me with some of the details. It was hard, I’m not going to lie, but I’m stubborn, so yeah.” I sum it all up really quick, so I wouldn’t let it slip that I had one more surprise. 

“You’re very stubborn.” I cut him off by smacking his arm playfully. “And intelligent, and pretty, and everything good in this world and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Good, because I’m not going anywhere.” I whisper, feeling myself blush a bit as I get on my tiptoes so I could kiss him properly. 

“Speaking of which, I’m really tired and I have a hotel room waiting for us.” He informs, looking much more relieved and happy now. 

“About that… I’m not going to your hotel room.” I say, watching his face fall. “But neither are you.” This time, it’s his turn to look confused. “With Nattie’s help, I got us a really special hotel room, so we could celebrate properly.”

“You got us a suite?” He asks incredulously. 

“You’re goddamn right I did. A master suite, with a king size bed. Champagne, strawberries and chocolate waiting for us.” I can tell by the look in his face that his mind is already wandering in dangerous places. And I love it. “And a little bonus, that I think you’re going to love, considering you’re so sore: it has a jacuzzi.” I add teasingly. 

“Oh great. A jacuzzi, I think you’ll find it very helpful too by the end of the night.” He replies, his voice laced with desire and love.

“Yeah? How’s that?” I tease him back, biting my lip. “You’re going to wear me out? Get me sore?”

“Oh, baby girl, I’m going to make you feel so good, I’m going to show you how much I love you. I’ll be giving my wife the anniversary present she deserves.” He starts, whispering into my ear. “And then, I’m going to hold you tight to me and sleep peacefully with you in my arms after we’re all worn out and sore. When we get up, I’ll get you in the jacuzzi and I’ll massage your shoulders and your back. Or maybe we’ll go in for another round before we get up and then we’ll get to the jacuzzi.” He informs, lust filling his eyes, his tone so low, that it had me clenching my thighs together. Of course he noticed. “Already ready for me, baby?” 

“I’m always ready for you. So can we go?” I stutter, knowing I sound really ablaze and unsettled but that’s the truth, I can’t wait to be alone with him. 

“I can’t wait to get my hands on you either, baby. So after you.”

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[qobiin]

those bluest skies above me

pairings: lan wangji & everyone (lwj&lxc, lwj&nhs, lwj&lqr, lwj&nmj), background nielan

genre: angst, fluff | dragon lan wangji au, pre-canon

warnings: implied/referenced non-con (concerning madam lan), canonical character death, injury, mild blood, shifting, scenting, lan sect being not so good

a/n #1: written for the MDZS Big Bang 2020! the title is taken from steven universe's "that distant shore" bc i feel it bodies lwj's thoughts about wwx perfectly. thinking of the dragon dynamics similar to how abo works will help you with understanding them, but to be clear: there is nothing sexual going on in this fic. madam lan's story has so many gaps that bother me a lot bc when i look at the gaps i see a backstory like the one i gave her here since it's just what makes sense when you really think about it. the non-con is only talked about somewhat in-depth in one scene and mentioned briefly across other scenes afterward. if you want to skip the heavier bit of it, stop reading at "Then why, Lan Zhan asks with his eyes." and pick back up after the art that minzi made to accompany this <3 hope you enjoy! 

words: 25291

summary: Lan Zhan’s memories begin from the moment he hatches out of his shell and meets his mother’s golden gaze.

part one of gentleness of light, escaping 

Lan Zhan’s memories begin from the moment he hatches out of his shell and meets his mother’s golden gaze.

He only has to take one look at her to know that she is the one who laid his egg. She is the one who made his comfortable nest, who sat with him every day until he was ready to hatch.

Even for a dragon, Lan Zhan is certain that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Her scales glimmer under the candlelight. Dark blue, green, and brown surround him as her golden eyes glow.

A young boy sits on the edges of Lan Zhan’s nest but still within Mother’s embrace. He looks almost as beautiful as their mother, even if he isn’t in dragon form himself. There is an ornament tied above his eyebrows that gleams when he moves and matches the liquid silver of his eyes.

There is no mistaking that this small boy is his brother. He can smell his mother on the boy’s skin and in the air displaced when his dark hair moves. He can see their mother in the curve of his brother’s smile and the awe in his gaze as Lan Zhan finishes slithering out of the broken remnants of his shell.

Lan Zhan stares at them both, transfixed and loving every image his eyes relay back to him. He makes a rumbling sound in the back of his throat, feeling content and loving his mother and brother more than he could ever hope to describe. His mother mirrors his rumble and his brother’s brows furrow before his expression clears as he smiles again.

His thoughts at that time are fleeting and underdeveloped, his memories are crystal clear but hold no further insight. This is something that an older version of him will miss when his memories are only plagued by questions and doubts. For now, however, his mother helps him clean his scales then scents him thoroughly.

Her whiskers brush against his snout only once and when Lan Zhan sneezes, his brother laughs. His laughter is soft and tinkles wondrously in the air around them. As the sound begins to fade, Lan Zhan decides he will do whatever he needs to do so he can hear his brother’s laugh again. Mother wordlessly guides Brother through appropriately scenting him as well and Lan Zhan shivers under the soft human hands his older brother is trailing over his face and neck.

His sire is nowhere to be seen.

(Later, Lan Zhan will be grateful for this. For the moment, however, he focuses on spreading his scent all over his weyr in return.)

Gold and silver quickly become a favorite of Lan Zhan’s.

For the first two years of his life, Lan Zhan always remains at his mother’s side.

He sees his brother only once a month and decides very quickly that he dislikes how little time they get to spend together. Brother smiles and laughs often when he is with them but Lan Zhan gets the sense that this is the only time his brother smiles and laughs so easily.

Lan Zhan dislikes that too.

His mother is beautiful and warm despite the cold river that runs through all three of their veins. She is gentle when needed and appropriately harsh in her reprimands. Lan Zhan has much he wishes to learn and he does not begrudge the discipline she hands out to him when he does something unbecoming.

He is much stronger than humans. His brother, though as much as their mother’s son as Lan Zhan, only has one form which just so happens to not be a dragon. Lan Zhan has to be aware of his strength at all times lest he hurt Brother or any other human who does not deserve it.

Even if his instincts are not as strong as Mother’s, partly in thanks to his sire’s human blood diluting most of the traits she passed down, Lan Zhan strives to practice caution at all times. His inherited instincts also do not excuse him the few times he allows them to override his thoughts and Mother, though loving, does not hesitate to put him in his place by pinning him and growling until he submits.

In their weyr, Lan Zhan is not the Head. Lan Zhan is a Claw, and maybe when he is much older, he will become the Head of his very own weyr but that is not the case now. Neither Lan Zhan nor his Head is a fucanglong who takes their hoard and hides it from the world like a jealous lover, but Brother is the only Treasure in their weyr. It is expected of Lan Zhan to guard him as well as he can even if he is the younger sibling.

Lan Zhan pushes himself to absorb as much information as he can the first year after his birth. Many of the things he learns make him angry, others are simple facts he memorizes quickly to keep everyone around him safe. He practices his strength, practices not calling upon elements to do his bidding when his emotions threaten his control. He practices remaining calm, staying alert, and always being conscious of how much damage he could carry out if he were to ever lose himself.

Control is difficult, but Mother knows enough about his nature to direct his instincts and impulses where they are needed in order to keep him present and non-threatening. In both her first and second forms, Mother shines as bright as moonlight and Lan Zhan loves her as much as he loves Brother.

That is why it is easy for Lan Zhan to shift into his second form once a year has passed since he first hatched. For his weyr, Lan Zhan finds himself able to do anything as long as it benefits them.

He is much smaller than he is accustomed to in this new form of his, but when he sees the joy and relief in Brother’s eyes the next time he visits, Lan Zhan finds this development welcome. Brother can pick him up easily in his new form and he still kisses Lan Zhan on the forehead as often as he did before, rubbing a hand over his hair where his horns would usually be.

The gentleness that now accompanies his brother’s movements soothes the urge Lan Zhan has to bury so he does not suddenly shift back into his first form. If he were to shift too quickly, he could harm his brother and that is one thing Lan Zhan never wants to do.

Lan Zhan can walk without much difficulty in his second form but speech is harder for him. He sticks to monosyllables and pointing, for the time being, brightening each time Mother and Brother interpret him correctly. Even if his ability to speak is worse than most human children his age, Lan Zhan is content with being understood by his weyr.

His thoughts come slower to him as a human and he at first feels like he is going to burst back into his dragon form at any moment. It is difficult to remain in his second form, but after a fashion, Lan Zhan is easily able to consciously shift between both his forms. Mother’s golden eyes gleam with pride and happiness as Lan Zhan’s growth continues. Even when sadness begins to lie in the shadows of her gaze and scent, her pride and love for him envelop him in their midsts gently.

He does not understand why Mother grows sadder with each passing day until two years have passed since Lan Zhan first hatched. Brother visits them that day as he normally does but he arrives accompanied by a man who introduces himself as their uncle. Uncle explains that he will now be taking care of Lan Zhan and his brother full time instead of Mother and Lan Zhan is no longer allowed to stay with her in seclusion. The Clan Elders believe that Lan Zhan has learned most of what he requires to live a peaceful life without his draconic tendencies interfering and he shall now be brought into the Gusu Lan Sect good and proper to be raised alongside his older brother.

His instincts do not want to be far from the Head of their weyr. Lan Zhan himself does not want to be taken from Mother, but she is his Head and Brother is their only Treasure. He must protect him in their mother’s stead and if that means he is only allowed to see Mother once a month from now on, then so be it.

It doesn’t shock him that Brother does not look happy after hearing this news. Still, there is a sharp line of resignation in his shoulders that tells Lan Zhan all he needs to know.

If it were up to Brother, neither of them would ever be kept from Mother. Mother would be living with them wherever they wished to go just as long as they were together. Unfortunately, this matter is not being left to Brother so they will have to make do with what they can since it does not seem like the Head of their weyr will do something to keep them with her either.

Brother hands a box to Mother who opens it, angling it so Lan Zhan is also able to see the white ribbon identical to his brother’s own lying within. Lan Zhan kneels before her, both of them in their second forms as she ties the ribbon around Lan Zhan’s forehead. She fixes his hair and presses a kiss to the ribbon once she is done, the slant of her mouth loving and unhappy at the same time.

Lan Zhan pokes at the familiar clouds adorning his ribbon and nods, showing his acceptance of these turns of events.

He still cries that very night in his new shared quarters with Brother. He does not make a sound as he weeps, more than sure of the fact that he will be punished if anyone that is not his brother catches him at this moment. Just because he accepted being taken away from Mother does not mean he enjoys this. His acceptance does not change the fact that he is only two-years-old and is being kept from his mother.

Brother wakes only to slide into his new bed beside him and scent him until they both fall asleep with a shared longing for their mother inside their hearts.

Uncle does his best, Lan Zhan knows.

It does not change the fact that his instincts wail and weep to see the Head of his weyr every day. That one day a month is not enough to satiate the ache and longing within his four-year-old body to see Mother. That Lan Zhan is a Claw and is not ready to become a Head in his mother’s place just yet. That Lan Zhan still does not know everything he should to steadily curb his instincts until he has found a way to balance both sides of his blood.

Brother’s instincts are weaker than Lan Zhan’s own but he knows his brother still feels them within his darkest depths.

Lan Zhan is only allowed to shift back into his first form twice a week and he always makes certain that he is allowed to shift in the presence of his Head. He frequently finds himself schooling his expression so no one except Brother and Mother may know what he is feeling. He might not be as tall or as imposing in his second form as he is in his first, but that doesn’t mean he will make it easy for others to take advantage of him.

Many of the children close to his age tend to avoid him in the children’s hall because of his supposed lack of feeling. Lan Zhan doesn’t mind. He likes the distance kept between them, especially since he still has not tamped down the urge to shift into his first form when he is drastically startled. Knowing that the fragile, weak human children around him aren’t staying too close is comforting in case his grip on control ever slips. Nevertheless, Lan Zhan finds this unlikely to happen since he guards himself against his baser instincts with a viciousness that surprises his own mother.

It shouldn’t surprise her though. Not when considering the whispers trailing after him that the Clan Elders think he cannot hear. Lan Zhan has excellent senses, only further improved in his first form. Even when he accompanies Brother and Uncle to the cold springs far away from the areas most of the residents of Cloud Recesses pass through, he can hear the poison dripping from their mouths.

They want to show him off to the cultivation world. They want to use him as a threat against the other Great Sects. They want him to lose control so they can punish him and make an example out of him. They want to say, Look at what we did to this dragon and her offspring. Look at what we have the power to do to everyone with these dragons under our thumbs.

Lan Zhan is young. He is much too small in his second form when considering the way he feels. He improves in controlling what expressions flit across his face. He gradually enhances his ability to tamp down on his feelings instinctively calling out to the elements around him when he is overwhelmed. He is polite and cordial to Brother and Uncle in public, but as affectionate as he can be when they are in private quarters with no risk of being interrupted. He learns to meditate, learns about the reassuring joy of music, and picks up the guqin. Due to his golden core forming while he is still so young, Lan Zhan is now considered a prodigy in his own right.

Lan Zhan is many things, but he is not ignorant. He can always smell the terror that shadows every interaction people have with him and how they recoil whenever he moves too quickly or gives off an aura much too powerful for a newly turned five-year-old child. He is never able to disappear from other people's awareness no matter how much he wishes it. Because of this, he never once presents himself as anything less than the perfect Lan every disciple in his sect strives to be. Especially not where others are able to see and somehow use it against him in the future. His status as a prodigy only further alienates him from the rest of his sect members and as a result, loneliness is something he has quickly grown used to.

The three thousand rules that the Gusu Lan Sect is infamous for become his word of law, his guide in this dangerous territory. By all rights, Cloud Recesses is Lan Zhan's. He is the first dragon to be born here on this mountain, up high in the sky. By the rights bestowed upon him through his mother's blood, this makes the area his. Makes the people who live here fall under his jurisdiction and protection alike. Cloud Recesses should be his, but it is not.

The Clan Elders are the ones with the power here and Lan Zhan is not going to give them a reason to put him down.

When he explains this to Mother on his next monthly visit, she cries. She weeps and sobs and pulls him into her frail arms. He wants to remind her about the rule concerning excessive sadness but decides to bite his tongue. Now wouldn’t be the time for that.

So he lays his head against his mother’s shoulder and wraps his arms as far as they can go around her, holding her as tightly as she is holding him. The Head of his weyr crying brings him no joy or comfort, but Lan Zhan is at least glad that Brother fell ill yesterday so he would not be subjected to their mother's tears along with him.

"A-Zhan, my poor A-Zhan," she murmurs into his hair.

Lan Zhan understands that Mother is sadder than most, that her dragon spirit is slowly dying with each passing day she spends away from the earth and rivers that bore and nurtured her. It is why he learns as much as he can from her.

Mother tells him about the different kinds of dragons. Tells him that no matter what their different aspects may be, every dragon has a bit of fucanglong in them. She tells him Grandfather's name and that since he was a fucanglong, Lan Zhan will have more of that in him than others of their kind would. That she has much of her father in her no matter that she was born the same as her mother since she hatched in the roaring rapids of a river. That Lan Zhan is a shenlong made for the rain and clouds that frequent Gusu Lan, even if Mother herself is a dilong who misses the earth and her river and is not meant for the skies like him.

"You hatched on this high mountain and in these clouds. That is why you are a shenlong, A-Zhan. A dragon's being is determined by the nature they hatch in, not the nature they inherit from their parents," Mother says, her voice soft and clear despite her tears. "But never forget that you will also have a bit of me and your grandfather as well. You enjoy visiting the cold springs often, correct?"

"Mn."

"The cold springs settle the urges I passed down to you when there was nothing more than a delicate shell separating you from this world," Mother explains. "Water does my bidding, but both water and wind will do yours. A-Zhan, it may one day be the reason you fly. Not all shenlong do, not even most, but I have a feeling you are capable of it."

Lan Zhan nods, understanding this as fact. He knew most of this already and guessed the rest but hearing it relayed back to him from his Mother settles the feelings within him.

Mother smiles and presses a hand to his face, cupping his cheek tenderly. Lan Zhan blinks and suddenly feels the urge to cry as he realizes that while he may be able to indulge his safer and more basic urges, the Head of his weyr cannot. Mother is confined to this house hidden within the back slopes of this mountain with no river or large body of water nearby. The sitting room is only big enough to accommodate her first form if she coils up around the table they sit at for tea.

Why is she here in this house hidden high within the clouds?

"What's wrong, A-Zhan?"

Lan Zhan blinks rapidly up at his mother, opening his mouth to speak before he loses his nerve. "Why are you here?"

His Head sighs, her fingers now carding through Lan Zhan’s hair. “I am meant for the earth, for the firm press of dirt, the freshly tilled soil, and the winding rivers that always lead back to the sea. Not the sky. Not the clouds, winds, and rain that you are meant for, A-Zhan.”

“But⎼” Lan Zhan begins to say, not liking the implications of his mother’s words one bit.

“Let me finish, A-Zhan. This is not something I ever planned to tell you at your age but we are different from regular people. You are already beginning to understand your place in this world, and it would not be fair of me to never share with you how the circumstances of your birth came to be,” Mother speaks right over him, smiling when Lan Zhan meets her golden gaze with furrowed brows, both of them thinking of the rule forbidding one to interrupt others.

Lan Zhan huffs out a breath he will deny is a sigh and nods his head once more, eyes still locked onto his mother’s own. “Mn.”

And so she tells him. Tells him of how when she was still a whelp, Grandmother was captured by the Jin Sect and killed for her beautiful scales. That Grandfather was, understandably, furious about this but she was only sad and confused. That she never understood how humans could ever trap a being as powerful as Grandmother. That she did not think that could ever happen to her, especially not after Grandfather hid her with his other Treasures.

By this point in her story, her gaze is wistful and far-off. “Baba took us underground and hid us from the rest of the world for our own safety, but I was unhappy. I was still young and I ached for the rivers that ran above our heads. I wanted to explore and see this world for myself. I could not survive under Baba’s rules forever, so I waited. Baba left to hunt one day and I took that as my chance to escape. I had always planned to return, but now I will die without ever having Baba’s scent on me again.”

“Mother,” Lan Zhan rasps, his eyes already itching.

Mother continues, acting as if Lan Zhan has not spoken. She tells him of posing as a rogue cultivator for some time after first joining the cultivator world. How she used the money she received from the night hunts she completed to buy herself a sword. Forming a golden core wasn’t a task too difficult for her, just as it was not difficult for Lan Zhan either. Those like them are very intelligent and have always had enough patience to test even the Great Immortals the cultivation world attempts in vain to become.

Here Mother bends and presses an absent-minded kiss to his forehead ribbon, quickly resuming from where she left off in her story. “I was in Caiyi Town when I met your father, A-Zhan. He was young and handsome, but he smelled all wrong to me. He claimed he fell in love with me from the moment our eyes met, yet I have never loved him.”

Then why, Lan Zhan asks with his eyes. His Head sniffs, her eyes watering again.

She explains that not too long after meeting his father, she decided to try alcohol for the first time before she left Caiyi Town and moved on to the next night hunt that was calling her name. The inn she was staying in claimed their brew was the best in all the Great Sects. She believed it would be acceptable for her first try, so she ordered a jar with her usual dinner in the inn’s public dining area. One of the Clan Elders was there as well, sitting a table away from hers, drinking tea and doing nothing else. Mother says that she did not think anything of it at the time. She was more preoccupied with the alcohol being stronger than she had first been led to believe. Soon enough, she was intoxicated and stumbling around, trying her utmost best to return to her room by herself.

The innkeeper had offered to help her up to her room once it was quite clear that she was inebriated, but the Clan Elder insisted that he would do it instead. Mother only agreed because she knew she needed help and he had seemed friendly enough to her. But once they reached her room, he did not drop her off at her door like she thought he would. He refused to leave as she struggled to shift into her first form to defend herself from his attack. The alcohol had made it difficult to focus and she had been attempting to shift ever since she first realized the Clan Elder was not going to leave her alone as she had hoped. She knew there was a way to use her golden core to burn the alcohol out of her system, except the enormity of her emotions did not allow her to think clearly.

“I have never been able to forget that man’s face,” Mother says, her eyes wide and blown with the depths of her pain. “I planned to leave Caiyi Town not long after that until I found out I was with child. There was no doubt in my mind that man was the father.”

Lan Zhan does not know what to say. Since the moment he hatched, he believed he and Brother to be the results of his Mother’s strained marriage. Now he finds that to be false. Brother and he do not share the same, exact blood.

Knowing this somehow sparks a wave of insurmountable anger within him. The depth of the anger he can feel burning in his chest both terrifies and reassures Lan Zhan. He has never been angry before, not like this. Not to the point where it feels like his rage could swallow him whole and churn him back out completely changed. This type of response is unexpected, of course, but he finds it valid nonetheless. His mother was hurt, and his brother was a product of that hurt meaning, in a way, Brother was also hurt by this.

“Brother is not…” Lan Zhan decides to ask before he trails off as he realizes he is unwilling to finish his question.

“A-Huan is your brother,” Mother says without hesitation, her voice firm and leaving no room for doubt. “His father may have hurt me, but I love him as I love you. He is not your half anything, A-Zhan. A-Huan is your brother because you are both my sons. He inherited many of my physical traits in this form, so much so that no one would ever suspect you two of having different fathers. That is what your uncle said to me before he took A-Huan away.”

Knowing all of this somehow makes the angry, vicious pit in Lan Zhan’s chest feel all that much worse. He has always known that Mother’s seclusion had been forced upon her as a form of punishment. The full implications of this had never quite registered until now though. Lan Zhan could never pinpoint what rule she had broken that was severe enough to warrant her level of punishment. Rule-breaking and Mother had never gone hand-in-hand to him, not when both she and Uncle had been the ones to instill such deep respect for the three thousand Lan Sect rules within him.

Something was missing from the picture before and now that a part of it has been given to him, Lan Zhan almost wishes he had never paid attention in the first place.

“The Clan Elder…” Lan Zhan trails off again, unsure of what he means to say exactly.

Mother understands though. His Head has always understood him when his words tended to fail him. “I killed him for what he had done to me. It was mercy in my eyes. Baba would have done so much worse if he had ever found out. Others saw differently, however.”

She stops there for a moment, her gaze uncertain. Lan Zhan nods, determined to hear this through until the end. Even though he does not know what the Clan Elder did to his mother exactly, he wants to know if that man’s death is the reason Mother is imprisoned here. Mother takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, tears tracing down her cheeks silently.

“Your father was already the Sect Leader by that point. He convinced me to marry him. He said he would protect me and your brother. I agreed even though I feared he might do to me what one his sect’s elders had done, but your brother was already one of my Treasures by then, A-Zhan, and a Head keeps their Treasures safe,” she sighs, gently wiping Lan Zhan’s tears away with her thumbs. “I never understood the position Baba was in until I felt your brother’s heart beating within me. I knew he was not going to be enough like me to keep himself safe. He would be born mostly human and I did not dare shift into my first form lest it harmed him in any way. I had to keep him safe and no one believed me when I told the other Clan Elders why I killed one of their own.”

Mother is crying again, her words trembling as she rambles. “No one but your father and uncle accepted my words as the truth. Your father put me here and then secluded himself due to guilt and grief alike. I had killed one of his sect after all. No matter how awful that man had turned out to be, he had influenced your father and uncle a lot as they were growing up themselves.”

“Mother,” Lan Zhan whispers. “You need not continue.”

But his mother only shakes her head, pressing onward. “I had A-Huan here and only got to hold him for a few moments before he was taken from me. His monthly visits began at the same age yours did. He had never seen me before but he knew who I was from the moment our eyes met again.”

Her breathing is even when she says, “I decided to give your father a child some time after that. I am his wife in nothing but name, A-Zhan. It troubled me that this man who claimed to love me but I did not love in return would endure so much trouble and pain for my sake. I felt guilty, so I disrupted his seclusion in the middle of the night and made my intentions clear. He was unwilling at first but eventually agreed.”

Lan Zhan almost smiles when his Head’s nose wrinkles, a tiny scowl marring her tear swollen face. Her tears have stopped for the moment, but Lan Zhan is certain they may return soon enough when Mother says that his sire still smelled all wrong to her. She did not love him, no matter how much he loved her but there was something there within him that reminded her of the earth and rivers she had been kept from for so long.

She left before his sire woke up the next morning and later felt the urge to shift for the first time since Brother’s conception that very same night. She was hesitant at first, unsure of what could have been making her feel that way. Eventually, she gave in sometime after the curfew bells rang, still uncertain about what exactly was compelling her to do so.

“And what do you know?” Mother laughs then, the sound tired and small but still there. “An egg was trying to pop out of me! I was laying your egg, A-Zhan.”

Later she learned that his sire and Uncle had a small portion of dragon blood in them that could be traced all the way back to Lan An, Gusu Lan’s founder. For the first time in years, however, Mother was in her first form, making a nest for her egg after curfew.

Mother smiles then, something soft and loving in the curve of her lips. Lan Zhan cannot help but smile in return, reaching up to wipe his Head’s tears. She tilts her head down in his direction, golden eyes glowing with the warmth of her unabashed affection.

“Oh, you were so tiny in the beginning, A-Zhan. Your shell was so fragile that I worried myself sick those first few months thinking you would not make it, but here you are,” Mother says, cupping Lan Zhan’s face in between her palms as if she almost cannot believe it herself. “Here you are, my little dragon. My Claw and other Treasure.”

Soon though, her smile and the warmth in her eyes begin to wither. "I would have liked to tell you this when you were older. You are still much too young and I know this information will only burden and harm you in the long run, but I do not know how much time I have left and you deserve to know so you can keep our weyr safe. After I am gone, you will be Head, A-Zhan. You must keep your brother safe when I no longer can.”

She speaks up again before Lan Zhan can, looking straight into his eyes when she says, “I wish that I could have brought you into this world under better circumstances, that I could have brought your brother into this world the same way I did you. But I do not regret it. I do not regret having you two and loving you both as much as I do, A-Zhan. You and your brother are not only my Treasures but two halves of my Heart as well. Do you understand?"

Lan Zhan feels his breath catch. Does he understand? Yes, of course, he does. How could he not when being a Head’s Heart is so much more valuable than being their Treasure? Being Treasure means being well-protected, well-loved, and well-nurtured. Being a Head’s Heart means being a part of his Head’s very being. It means being loved down to the bare bones of his core with no exceptions.

It means being half the reason Mother’s heart could physically break.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Lan Zhan shifts into his first form and wraps himself around his Head. He purrs when she follows suit not too long afterward and they scent each other. Despite the new knowledge spinning in his head, Lan Zhan is happy to be here. Happy to be alive with the Head of his weyr, with the mother who loves him and his brother enough to do whatever she can for them.

Still, there is also the sadness and anger in him that he cannot shake. That clings to every breath he takes and lies in the shadows of his thoughts. He feels loved and guilty all at the same time and he isn’t quite sure how this can be.

What Lan Zhan does know without a doubt is that he is a Claw, Treasure, and half of a Heart. Brother is Treasure, the other half of their mother’s Heart, and from now on, Lan Zhan will protect him from this truth for as long as he can.

This would destroy his gentle brother and Lan Zhan is not about to let that happen.

Lan Zhan takes to the sky five years after his birth.

He has no wings, but it does not stop him from gliding in the air, skirting through the clouds he was born for. Sunshine kisses his scales as the wind blows through his mane, whiskers twitching as he loops around the mountain again.

It is peaceful up here in the sky with only the warm sun and biting wind to keep him company.

Down below, the Lan Sect members are bright dots clustered all over Cloud Recesses. The bravest of them wave their arms at him, but most turn tail to disappear indoors once they catch sight of him. Lan Zhan ignores them, eyes latching onto two bright dots standing near where he is certain he left his robes before shifting forms.

The thought has barely crossed his mind before his body angles downward and the air shifts until it is pressing him down gently. His claws skim the treetops briefly when he dips down low to land in the cold springs.

Despite their name, Lan Zhan has never quite felt the cold bite of these waters like his fellow sect members have. He lands gracefully on his first try in one of the larger pools with only a small splash and many ripples signaling his landing. Lan Zhan moves forward, using his legs to propel him to one of the shallower pools of water. Once there, he shifts into his second form and accepts the robes Brother hands him.

“How was it, A-Zhan?” Brother asks, the longing in his voice unmistakable.

Lan Zhan only pauses for a moment as he finishes getting his inner robes on before saying, “I will take you soon, Brother.”

Brother smiles, holding the first layer of his outer robes up. “Not until you’ve had more practice. It would be unfortunate if you were to tire yourself out halfway through our intended flight.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan acquiesces.

“Wangji,” Uncle cuts in then, drawing both his nephew’s attention as Lan Zhan finishes getting dressed. “How are you feeling?”

Lan Zhan mentally takes stock of his energy levels and the soreness located in his lower back. “Tired, but well, Uncle.”

Uncle frowns and beckons him forward. “Let me check. You have only just recovered and I know your arm has continued to bother you.”

Lan Zhan goes willingly. Uncle is strict and appears to be fussy all the time, but Lan Zhan is aware that is how Uncle shows affection. Of course, Uncle is not perfect but his faults are not enough to make Lan Zhan or his brother love him any less.

Uncle presses two fingers to Lan Zhan’s wrist, his other hand gripping Lan Zhan’s shoulder firmly to keep him in place. Lan Zhan leans into Uncle’s touch readily, head tipped back to study the look of concentration on his face.

It is unsurprising that Uncle is worried. After all, it was only a month before when the training accident took place.

(Lan Zhan is of the mind that it was not much of an accident at all actually, but the Clan Elders would hear nothing of it.)

Brother had been sparring with two older disciples in the sword training area while Lan Zhan spotted. Lan Zhan had not been worried at the time, Brother is very skilled in the six arts of cultivation but especially in swordsmanship. Sparring against older disciples is a habit of his brother’s, one that he indulged frequently. It was also somewhat of an unspoken rule in Cloud Recesses that if Lan Xichen draws his sword, then Lan Wangji will be found nearby ready to intervene at a moment’s notice.

Lan Zhan takes his position as a Claw very seriously. Brother knows this and huffs a bit when Lan Zhan stations himself nearby during sword practice but says nothing to discourage him from it. In a weyr, Treasures need to be protected at all times, no matter the cost, so it was not unusual for Lan Zhan to be present at that time.

Brother had been doing well against his mock-opponents. Too well if the frustrated looks on the older disciples’ faces were anything to go off of. Of course, Lan Zhan was also privy to the anger slowly building up in one of the older disciple’s scents.

As soon as he had caught a whiff of it, Lan Zhan’s hair felt like it stood on end. Something ancient struggled to spring to life in his chest, his senses focusing only on the spar in front of him. He had exhaled heavily, hoping to calm himself but left himself shocked instead as his breath turned to mist in front of him. Lan Zhan was unsure how that had come to happen but before he could think about it too much, the flash of a sword glare stole his attention.

From one moment to the next, Lan Zhan was standing in front of Brother, his unsheathed practice sword held out in front of him and his body caught between his two forms. His scales were all too clear around his neck and jaw, but none were found where the older disciple’s sword had just sliced through his arm. Lan Zhan had barely glanced at the blood seeping through his robes before he made a rumbling sound that lodged itself in the back of his throat and the disciples dropped their swords, scuttling backward in fear.

Even in his second form, Lan Zhan’s skin is tough and sturdy enough to not sustain most of the usual injuries normal children his age would receive. Brother, too, has this kind of protection and Lan Zhan is more than aware of that. It does not mean that they are invulnerable, but it does mean they are less likely to break when compared to others.

It still did not stop Lan Zhan from taking the blow that was meant for one of his Treasures.

If either of them were normal, that sword would have cut Lan Zhan deep enough to render his arm useless. If he had not stepped in, that sword would have run Brother clean through.

But Lan Zhan had. He had moved as quickly as the wind and put himself between his brother and the oncoming danger. He had stood there silently, uncaring of the blood dripping down onto his hand and staining his robes. He was in-between forms, but he had made no threatening moves in these boys’ direction, had not even unsheathed his practice sword. One of these boys had tried to draw his Treasure’s blood right in front of Lan Zhan’s very own eyes and he still did not lose control.

If Mother had been there, had witnessed one half of her Heart being attacked, there is no telling what would have happened. Lan Zhan, of course, still isn’t very sure he would not hurt those boys if he caught sight of them anywhere near Brother or Uncle again. There is a likely chance Mother would kill them if they approached Brother, but there is no chance that she would do so if they came near Uncle. Uncle is one of Lan Zhan’s Treasures, after all, not Mother’s.

(Brother told him that she, of course, approved of Lan Zhan’s actions and Lan Zhan’s claim to Uncle as Treasure, but her anger about the “accident” was not light.)

At that moment, however, Lan Zhan only pulled his arms back to his sides when Uncle arrived and placed a hand over his brother’s own on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. Before that, Lan Zhan had been contemplating whether it was worth it to break so many of the rules and hurt these disciples no matter what punishment awaited him.

Violence is not something Lan Zhan has ever taken joy in. He knows his instincts are capable of drawing bloodlust out of him and he also knows that his strength would be enough to harm anyone he wanted without trying. If he was that careless, however, he would be losing face for both his family and his sect alike. Mother and Uncle have not raised him to give in to his instincts so easily at the first sign of a threat targeting his brother. His self-restraint and control are stronger than that.

So Lan Zhan had exhaled and calmed himself as he allowed Brother to escort him to the healer’s hall while Uncle berated the older disciples for their recklessness. Uncle had gotten their side of the story, nose wrinkling when they claimed it was an accident and Lan Zhan was merely overreacting. Lan Zhan had heard all of that and had almost spoken aloud to mention the rule prohibiting dishonesty that they were breaking, but Brother had gripped onto his shoulder that much harder and practically dragged him away before more blood could possibly be shed.

Lan Zhan’s arm was cleaned and bandaged minutes after they arrived in the healer’s hall. The cut was shallow enough that it would be healed by the next day. Brother had still winced when Lan Zhan’s robes were peeled away to expose the wound though.

By the time the healers had proclaimed him healthy enough to leave, Uncle had come through the door in a flurry of robes and angry fussing. Lan Zhan had sat there with Brother as they explained what had happened and if Lan Zhan had felt something cold get stuck in his throat as he spoke, then that was neither here nor there.

Uncle had taken the issue to the Clan Elders and they had, unsurprisingly, sided with the older disciples instead of the Sect Heir. Lan Zhan felt sick just thinking of how far the Clan Elders were willing to go to punish their secluded Sect Leader’s wife, no matter if it affected their own Sect Heir and future or not.

The older disciples are now in seclusion for the time being. Both as punishment and protection.

Lan Zhan was not punished severely for his behavior, but he was still assigned to copy the rules ten times after his injury had healed. He had quietly and gracefully accepted his punishment, making sure each brushstroke was careful and precise before he submitted his copies of the rules to Uncle when he was done. He was also barred from seeing Mother and when Brother left to see her for their next monthly visit, Lan Zhan played all of Mother’s personal favorites on the guqin.

Sometimes when Lan Zhan found himself passing a Clan Elder in the halls, he would clench his hands into fists at his side until his fingernails had left crescent marks on his palms. He would also unknowingly grit his teeth as he thought of how close someone had gotten to harming one of his Treasures. Uncle had caught him doing so only one time and now believed that he was experiencing phantom pains in his arm when really, Lan Zhan was remembering the cold, hard fury that had rushed through him at that moment.

“Uncle, I am well,” Lan Zhan says as Uncle finally releases his hold on him and steps back.

Uncle’s mustache bristles with the force of his frown but nods. “There is no harm in making sure, Wangji.”

Brother chuckles beside them and Lan Zhan feels his lips twitch at the sound before his expression clears again.

Out here in the cold springs where only a select number of people would run into them, Lan Zhan is still careful to not allow his emotions to show. Not when their peaceful bubble could be disrupted by anyone in this very public space.

Even if Lan Zhan is not open with the full force of his emotions, this is good too.

When he is six, Lan Zhan lies coiled before the door bordered by gentians and waits.

And waits.

And waits even more.

He lies there with tears in his eyes, his lungs squeezing as grief chokes him. He will not move until the curfew bells ring when he must slither back to the room he no longer shares with Brother. Brother has not been able to build the courage to visit the Jingshi, but even if he can no longer see his Head, Lan Zhan refuses to leave.

That morning, he had woken up thinking today and had been so overcome with tears that a strong gust of wind blew open the door to his quarters. Lan Zhan had been quick to fight down the urge to fly into the sky and never return. Even if he no longer has a Head to depend on, he still has a weyr of his own depending on him now.

But the Head of his weyr is dead. Has been dead long enough for Lan Zhan to not bear thinking about it.

Lan Zhan is too young to become the Head of a weyr, especially the one he has just inherited. He wants Mother back, wants her to open the door, and let him back inside. Wants her to kiss his forehead ribbon and tell him more about Grandfather. Wants his Head to tease him until she has managed to coax a barely-there smile out of him. Wants Mother to cup his face as her golden eyes glow with the depths of her love, but now he will never be graced with the sight of her smile or the sound of her laughter ever again.

Mother’s scent still lingers here and there around the Jingshi, her scent the most saturated in certain points. When the wind blows, he can almost convince himself that the small gurgling stream nearby sounds like her laughter. The gentians she adored continue to bud even as the weather grows cold and Lan Zhan wonders for a moment if they will always be what surrounds his mother’s tomb.

He focuses on the remnants of her smell and waits. He will wait as long as he needs to, so long as Lan Zhan can cling to his last memories of her.

Mother dies and a piece of Lan Zhan dies with her.

He remains in his first form for a full month after her passing. In his second form, it is too difficult to catch the echoes of her presence at the Jingshi. In his first, he can still smell her, can hear her in the gurgling streams, and can feel her where his heart should be.

Brother does not speak much to him that month. Instead, he sits beside Lan Zhan in what was once their room and practices his music cultivation when the quiet becomes too much. He moved into a room of his own not too long before Mother left them, old enough at nine for the Clan Elders to approve the arrangement. Brother had been excused from his usual lessons after Mother’s death but had shown up for morning meditation early the following week, his signature smile fixed in place only dimmer than usual.

Sometimes Lan Zhan feels sick looking at the forced, gentle happiness his brother is displaying for the world to see. Other times, Lan Zhan is happy that Brother drops his mask when they are alone.

Lan Zhan ignores the meals Brother brings along with him. He can go a long while without eating in this form, does not even need to drink water as often as is required in his second form as well. He is aware that Brother and Uncle are worried, but he remains in his room and breathes every painful breath knowing that Mother is gone.

Excessive grief is against the rules, Lan Zhan knows, but he is not breaking the rules by doing this. To him, this is not excessive. This is justified.

How can it be considered excessive when he is six-years-old and just lost the mother who he had been forcibly kept from for most of his short life?

Mother had given up both her freedom and life just to make sure Brother would remain safe. Mother had gone to Lan Zhan’s father and made him within a night, had put together a nest, and taught him all he needed to know to also remain safe.

She had known what would happen when she agreed to marry the leader of the Lan Sect. She would be kept from the earth and rivers that were her lifeline and would die so her Heart would remain safe.

How is Lan Zhan’s behavior excessive? Her punishment was not considered excessive. Her treatment was not considered excessive.

No one has the right to claim his grief as excessive.

For once, Lan Zhan is glad of the distance that separates him from others in the sect. He revels in the fact that many members of the sect are terrified of him. It makes leaving him alone that first month easy.

After all, no one wants to risk the wrath of a grieving dragon.

Many of his fellow sect members believe it to be a fact that Lan Zhan’s instincts could take control of him and force him to harm them if they happened to reprimand him during this time. They remember that sunny afternoon in the sword training area when Lan Zhan took a blade for his older brother and had shown his scales to the two older disciples who had “accidentally” aimed too close for comfort during a practice spar. They are convinced that they know what Lan Zhan is capable of, especially in his first form.

Lan Zhan, of course, knows this to be false. He has spent years tempering his self-control, reigning in most of his urges, and perfecting his ever-present blank facial expression. These people do not know him and Lan Zhan is glad because of that.

By the end of that month, however, Brother leads him to Mother’s abandoned house. It is close to curfew, the sun already having fallen for the moon to take its place. Lan Zhan is uncertain of where Brother is taking them at first until he realizes they are following an all too familiar path Lan Zhan would be able to follow blindfolded if need be.

He walks in the halls but as soon as they have stepped onto the dirt path leading further up the mountain, Lan Zhan allows the wind to carry him where they are going. Brother keeps a hand on his head to keep him steady by his side, silent as they trek towards the one place Lan Zhan was certain Brother would never visit again.

As they come around the last bend in the path, they find a man standing in front of the Jingshi. Lan Zhan believes it to be Uncle until he catches a whiff of the man and realizes that it smells all wrong.

It is Qingheng-Jun.

Lan Zhan does not want to be here anymore. He wants to leave and return when this man is no longer standing in front of the place he imprisoned the Head of Lan Zhan’s weyr. The Jingshi was always going to be Mother’s tomb and he had to have known that when he secluded her here.

Brother feels him tense under his hand, but he only grabs onto one of Lan Zhan’s antlers and nudges him forward. Lan Zhan goes, unwillingly, but he still goes anyway.

“Father,” Brother calls out after they have come to a stop a few paces in front of the Lan Sect Leader.

When Qingheng-Jun turns to face them, two things happen. One, Brother bows. Two, Lan Zhan gets a clearer sense of his sire’s scent and growls in response.

Qingheng-Jun reeks of blood. Every inhale that brings his scent to Lan Zhan makes his stomach roll and his mind rear back. Lan Zhan wants nothing more than to pick Brother up and retreat, to curl away from the darker instincts that are begging him to get rid of the source of this smell. Instead, he bares his teeth and holds still, waiting.

He is aware that Brother freezes beside him, still caught in a low bow. Qingheng-Jun only blinks at him before he smiles and a low chuckle escapes him.

“That was your mother’s exact reaction the first time she met me,” Qingheng-Jun manages to say after he has cleared his throat and before he turns to Brother and places a hand over Brother’s clasped ones. “Ah, and no need to be so formal, Xichen.”

Brother straightens from his bow woodenly, eyes on Lan Zhan when he responds. “Father, I brought A-Zhan as requested.”

Lan Zhan’s gaze snaps to his older brother, betrayal the only thing on his mind. Brother winces and shrugs subtly, a tight smile on his face as he meets Lan Zhan’s eyes.

“Thank you, Xichen. I must speak with you both. Wangji,” Qingheng-Jun says, staring pointedly at Lan Zhan’s form. “Will you be joining the conversation?”

He stares pointedly back, waiting to see what Qingheng-Jun will say or do once he realizes that Lan Zhan does not, in fact, plan to join the conversation. If his Sect Leader orders it, then yes, he will shift into his second form. Nudity notwithstanding, Lan Zhan will not disobey a direct order from the official Lan Sect Leader even if he is Sect Leader in name only.

(Although, Lan Zhan isn’t technically bothered by the nudity aspect either. He can smell his robes hidden in the qiankun pouch Brother is keeping up his sleeve. Brother knew what Lan Zhan would decide before he even brought him here, yet he is prepared for any outcome nonetheless.)

But if his sire is asking, then Lan Zhan will remain as he is. He knows filial duty is another rule he is meant to follow, but after breaking one, what is another? He does not want whatever this man is attempting to offer now that it is too late. Maybe if this man had ever visited him, had ever cared for him. Maybe if this man had never left the responsibilities of a father and Sect Leader on Uncle’s shoulders, had ever checked in with them once to see how they fared. Maybe if he had ever left his seclusion while Mother was alive, Lan Zhan would have given him a chance, but the Head of his weyr is dead and Qingheng-Jun has never been a part of their weyr and he will never be who Lan Zhan calls father.

When Lan Zhan was much younger, he struggled with these feelings. When Mother told him about how her marriage came to be, Lan Zhan realized he did not consider Qingheng-Jun as a part of his family. Yes, his mother’s imprisonment may have spared her life when the Lan Sect Leader first decreed it, but it only delayed the inevitable in the end. Lan Zhan can appreciate that he was given life half in due part to Qingheng-Jun, but a person does not become a parent simply for making a child. Caring for a child and nurturing their mind is what makes someone a parent.

That is why, so long as Uncle lives and breathes, Lan Zhan will never consider another man as his father.

Qingheng-Jun must realize this because he sighs and continues as if Lan Zhan’s stubbornness is of little to no surprise. Lan Zhan allows himself a brief second to feel smug about this before his attention returns to the conversation at hand.

“Father, why did you decide to come out of seclusion now?” Brother asks, his voice sounding no different than usual except for the slight tremor of uncertainty Lan Zhan knows Qingheng-Jun is not picking up.

“You misunderstand. I have merely taken a brief break from seclusion to see you both. I will be returning after this,” Qingheng-Jun explains. “I wanted to speak to you two about your mother.”

Lan Zhan rumbles out a displeased sound, unsure of what to classify it as. Brother stiffens beside him again, his smile strained. Their Sect Leader smiles once more, his scent smelling something like nervousness as he hesitates.

“What about our Head?” Brother rasps.

Before Lan Zhan can think better of it, he is pushing his antler more firmly into Brother’s hand. His goal is to distract him, to get rid of the pain and sadness in his scent that he rarely ever allows to show clearly on his face. Maybe Lan Zhan never smiles or expresses much of anything with his own face, but Brother’s ever-present smile is a mask all on its own as well.

Qingheng-Jun raises a brow in question. “Your head?”

A low growl escapes Lan Zhan once he registers the way Qingheng-Jun mispronounces their mother’s title. The syllables sound distorted coming from his mouth, the weight of them all wrong in the air between them.

“Head,” Brother corrects him, a wrinkle between his brows. At least Lan Zhan was not the only one who disliked his words. “Mother was the Head of our weyr. Now… A-Zhan is the Head.”

“Do you use their terms because you also feel those urges?” Qingheng-Jun asks then, his silver eyes glinting for a moment as he tilts his head to the side.

Lan Zhan does not like the edges their Sect Leader’s question is trying to hide. They feel too sharp, too loaded with an assumption he finds himself bristling at. Brother runs a hand down his snout, wordlessly asking him to calm down. Lan Zhan listens. His Treasure is asking something of him and Lan Zhan answers, pushing down the indignation he can feel building up from the tips of his claws. His emotions are easier to read in his first form since he has more practice concealing them in his second. He needs to improve on that soon.

Brother’s smile is tight again, his silver eyes heavily guarded. “I use these terms because I am a part of this weyr, Father. I was Mother’s Treasure. A-Zhan was our Claw. Now he is our Head and I am still Treasure. Uncle, too, is another Treasure.”

You are not a part of our weyr, is what goes unspoken.

Lan Zhan could cry from the happiness springing to life in his chest. He had always known that they shared some of the same instincts, but to hear Brother explain this so simply and succinctly to an outsider ⎼ because that is what Qingheng-Jun is. That is what he will always be while Lan Zhan is Head ⎼ soothes him down to his core.

No matter what, Brother is on his side. Even if he tricked him into meeting their Sect Leader out here after curfew, Brother is still on Lan Zhan’s side.

“I apologize,” Qingheng-Jun says when the echoes of Brother’s words have faded in the darkness around them. “I did not mean to offend either of you or the memory of your mother. I loved her, after all.”

It takes Lan Zhan a moment to realize he is not the one who growled in response to Father’s apology.

Brother’s teeth are bared, his silver eyes flashing in the moonlight. Rage, hurt, and sadness rolls off Brother’s skin in waves, but Lan Zhan does nothing to stop him. Brother has never been able to shift between forms but here under the light of the full moon with his Sect Leader and the Head of his weyr as the only witnesses, Lan Zhan thinks Brother may be able to reach the in-between point of his forms one day.

“How can you still claim that?” Brother manages to say, his voice unsteady, but Lan Zhan is more than able to hear what Brother is not saying, You secluded her here knowing she would die. You removed yourself from our lives entirely just so you would not have to see her wither slowly away and still claim that you loved her?

In the recesses of his mind, Lan Zhan is shocked that Brother would ever say anything meant to be contrary against their Sect Leader. He has always thought of his brother as more forgiving than him. When Qingheng-Jun has been mentioned in the past, Brother would visibly perk up with interest, soaking up any information he could about their absent Sect Leader. Lan Zhan was careful to remain indifferent. After all, why should news of a man he has never met matter to him?

Now though, with his brother truly angry and close to confronting their Sect Leader, all Lan Zhan feels is pride.

“Xichen, do you know why your mother was in seclusion?” Qingheng-Jun asks, his voice so terribly light that Lan Zhan feels the vicious urge to bite him.

Brother shakes his head, now trembling with the force of his anger. Lan Zhan nudges his snout into his side, scenting him in the hopes that it will help him settle. Qingheng-Jun only sighs, folding his arm behind his back as he begins to speak.

He tells Brother everything. Everything Mother had glossed over and implied to Lan Zhan a year ago is laid down at his and his brother’s feet.

Lan Zhan knows the moment Brother has come to the same conclusion Lan Zhan did about their different parentage when he abruptly pulls away from Lan Zhan’s touch. His hands curl into fists at his sides, his trembling now doubled.

The pain and horror in his brother’s scent punch the very air out of Lan Zhan’s lungs. Saltwater joins the mix of smells hanging in the air soon enough and Lan Zhan aches with the need to comfort his Treasure.

Qingheng-Jun finishes shortly after that, staring at them both as he waits. What for? Lan Zhan has no idea but he must realize he will not receive whatever it is because soon enough Qingheng-Jun is stepping away with a pained look in his eyes.

“This old one apologizes, but you both deserve to know,” their Sect Leader says before he nods in Lan Zhan’s direction and turns to disappear further up the dirt path.

Lan Zhan watches him leave, eyes on his back as the darkness swallows him whole. Brother’s shaking begins to subside as Qingheng-Jun goes, his body loosening of its own accord slowly.

Brother falls to his knees once Qingheng-Jun is no longer in sight. Lan Zhan finds himself shifting into his second form to kneel beside him without thinking. Even if it is unseemly to kneel when naked, Brother is in pain and it is Lan Zhan’s job to protect him. He was never supposed to learn about this, not this way.

It does nothing to change the fact that his brother is hurt now.

“You knew,” Brother chokes out. “You knew.”

Lan Zhan nods, opening his mouth to speak before Brother rushes to speak first. “Why did you let me believe that lie, Wangji?”

The use of his courtesy name is what finally cuts Lan Zhan. Brother has been calling him A-Zhan since he hatched and has never cared for whose company they may be in when using the endearment. Lan Zhan was a Claw and Brother a Treasure, but that did nothing to change the fact that Lan Zhan is his little brother.

“You are my brother,” Lan Zhan says without hesitation. His voice is raspy and hoarse from disuse, but his words are sure and steady. “You are my brother.”

“Half,” Brother murmurs, “Half-brother.”

Lan Zhan shakes his head furiously, reaching out to grab Brother’s shoulders. Relief floods through him when Brother does not pull immediately away.

Mother’s words go through his head at that moment and for lack of a better thing to say, Lan Zhan echoes them, “You are not my half anything. We are both our mother’s sons.”

Brother leans into his touch then, tears still streaming down his face. “That is not how the rest of the world will see it.”

“I am not the world,” Lan Zhan responds. “You are my brother.”

“You’re going to be stubborn about this, aren’t you?” Brother asks after the silence between them has become too much.

Lan Zhan nods.

Brother stares at him for a moment, his tears crystalline under the moon as they cling to his lashes. Eventually, he reaches into his sleeve and pulls out his qiankun pouch. Lan Zhan stands and allows Brother to dress him, twisting and turning where he needs to so his robes lie against his skin perfectly. Brother fixes his hair and guides Lan Zhan’s hands through tying his ribbon.

He is not Lan Zhan’s parent, spouse, or child but he is Lan Zhan’s brother. They are not allowed to touch each other’s forehead ribbons, but they can put their hands over the other’s and move them where they need to go so their ribbons lie straight. It is a system they developed soon after Lan Zhan was taken from Mother and the fact that Brother is still willing to treat him the same as he did before means more than words could ever say.

“When did Mother tell you?” Brother asks, eyes elsewhere as Lan Zhan brushes his robes down.

“Last year,” Lan Zhan says, glancing up when Brother inhales sharply at his response.

Brother grips his shoulders and meets his gaze, tears springing to his silver eyes once more. “She should not have done so, Wangji. We are children who should not know of this until we are older. You especially should not have been told this before I was.”

Lan Zhan blinks in confusion, not understanding. “Mother did not tell me everything, but I knew we did not have the same fathers. Besides, I was a Claw and now I am the Head. I am supposed to protect you.”

Brother shakes his head and pulls him into a hug, clinging to him with all his strength as tears overcome him again. Lan Zhan holds on, hands no doubt wrinkling Brother’s robes but uncaring of that as his Treasure’s scent sours with sadness again. It is clear that Brother is willing to work his way back to how they used to be, but this revelation is too new and unsettling for either of them to act as they normally would.

Even though Lan Zhan is certain that they will get through this, Brother stops calling him A-Zhan for some time after that.

Now that Lan Zhan is back in his second form, the Clan Elders decide to keep him under close observation.

When Lan Zhan first returns to his regular classes, he is surprised to note the seven Clan Elders standing in the back of the classroom. As far as he had been aware, the Clan Elders were much too busy to bother with the education of the junior disciples. In fact, Lan Zhan would go as far as saying the Clan Elders do not care about any of the disciples unless they have broken an important rule or disgraced the Gusu Lan Sect in a very public manner.

So to see them sitting in on his classes immediately puts Lan Zhan on edge. He can barely pay proper attention to the lesson one of Uncle’s favorite assistants is lecturing them about, not when he can feel more than just the Clan Elders’ eyes on him.

For once, Lan Zhan finds himself despising his usual seat in the front of the classroom.

It takes Lan Zhan longer than usual to realize he has been called on and he feels his ears grow hot as he both dully recites the proper answer and tries his best to ignore one of the Elders huffing loudly in displeasure. None of the other junior disciples make a sound but Lan Zhan can smell the amusement in their scents well enough to feel embarrassed.

He maintains his perfectly proper posture anyway and forces himself to pay better attention to the lecture. During the noon meal hour, he will find Brother and confer with him about this. See if the Clan Elders have been dropping in other classes as well or if this is targeted at Lan Zhan alone. A way for them to say that they have noticed his recent behavior and now that it is safer for them to confront him, they will if need be.

Lan Zhan is nothing more than a child, but he has always known the Clan Elders are cowards. Only cowards would demonize a woman killing the man who violated her. Only cowards would give that woman a death sentence of her own, claiming it to be the just thing to do when it is anything but. Only cowards would confront a six-year-old child when they believe they have the advantage.

Perhaps they do have the power and the right to put him down but Lan Zhan is not his mother. Mother made certain that Lan Zhan would have many more advantages than she ever did, advantages he and Brother would both have even after she was no longer in this world.

The Clan Elders may have imprisoned her, but they did not strip Mother of all the political power she gained by marrying their Sect Leader and providing him with two Sect Heirs. They would need a powerful and unshakeable reason to strike one of their own Sect Heirs down, a reason the entire cultivation world would not fault them for.

At least, that is how Brother explains it to him later as they are leaving the central mess hall to attend their afternoon classes.

"Do not give them a reason, Wangji," Brother admonishes him when they come to a stop before they go their separate ways for class. "Embody the perfect disciple they desire so much. Get them to grudgingly accept your position here by whatever means necessary. They will never be fair when it comes to you or me, but that does not mean we have to make it easy for them either."

"Mn," Lan Zhan nods, bowing to his brother before he turns on his heel and leaves.

At the sword training area, four Clan Elders stand on the sidelines, safely out of any unpredictable young child's sword swing. Lan Zhan barely spares them a glance as he gets into position and waits patiently for class to begin.

For the better part of a month, Lan Zhan's classes are shadowed by a handful of Clan Elders. None of them speak a word to anyone present, but they make their disapproval known through loud sighs and disparaging grunts.

Lan Zhan learns their scents well and avoids them in the hallways whenever he happens to come across their trails. The few times he catches their scents too late, he shoulders their thinly-veiled complaints on the "ghastly sight" of his scales and the "childish behavior" he is much too old for now.

None of them will ever say it outright but Lan Zhan knows they wish to punish him for his so-called excessive grief which is why they are now hovering over his shoulder, watching his every move in the hopes that he will crack under pressure. Lan Zhan is made of sterner stuff than that though.

He is a dragon. He was born for the sky and clouds that blanket their mountain. Water and wind do his bidding alike. His Treasures accept him as the Head of their weyr without complaints.

He is his mother's son and his grandfather's grandson, Lan Zhan will not break under the weight of the Clan Elders' scrutiny.

This becomes more than clear the longer Lan Zhan is kept under their watchful eyes. He takes Brother's advice to heart and becomes even more of the perfect disciple he had always strived to be, first for his Mother's state of mind and now because he refuses to allow his feelings to be used against him.

Dragons and the Lan are alike in the way that they show their true feelings through everything except their words. Lan Zhan is both, so whether big or small, his actions are twice as potent. His emotion-fueled behavior will not be what takes him from his Treasures.

Brother lost one Head already, Lan Zhan refuses to let him lose two.

(Two weeks later, Lan Zhan wakes thinking today before he remembers. He spends the remainder of the day with a fierce ache burning through him as he kneels in front of a familiar door.)

Lan Zhan takes one glance at Nie Mingjue and thinks, Claw.

Nie Mingjue is a stranger to him in all rights. Brother has talked about him constantly when he began attending the guest discipline lectures, always with a softer version of his usual smile on his face. He tells Lan Zhan everything he learns about Nie Mingjue, never leaving any details out. Brother's scent tends to swell and ripen with the force of his fondness and admiration for the older boy but Lan Zhan says nothing.

Talking is not one of Lan Zhan's particular skills. Others may regard him as eloquent, but that is solely due to the fact that Lan Zhan only speaks up when he is certain of the words on the tip of his tongue.

So it is unsurprising that even though he says nothing about the thought that crosses his mind when he finally meets his brother's friend, Brother notices anyway.

Maybe it is because of how intensely Lan Zhan studies him when the older boy isn't looking. How he sniffs the air as he analyzes the way Brother and Nie Mingjue's scents are complementary to one another. Or perhaps how Lan Zhan not-so-subtly reaches out and grips Nie Mingjue's nape to scent him into the weyr.

Honestly, Lan Zhan has no idea how Brother figures it out so quickly but he accepts that Brother will always be one step ahead of him regardless and leaves it at that.

Nie Mingjue takes his strange behavior in stride, stiffening for only a moment when Lan Zhan first comes into direct skin-to-skin contact with him. Lan Zhan waits until the older boy has relaxed under his grip before reaching out and taking his left hand. Slowly, he pulls it towards his face and presses his cheek against Nie Mingjue's palm briefly then steps back and puts the appropriate amount of distance between them again.

Brother is smiling, amusement twinkling in his eyes as he steps forward and smooths a stray lock of Nie Mingjue's hair back into place behind his ear. "Wangji has decided that you are a part of our weyr now, Nie-gongzi. Welcome."

"I don't know anything about dragons, Lan-gongzi," Nie Mingjue admits, his face wrinkled with confusion. "I would not wish to offend you."

Lan Zhan squeezes Brother's elbow, silently urging him to talk in his place. If Nie Mingjue truly wants no part in their weyr, Lan Zhan will accept that without complaints. He will not hold the boy to something he can not personally be a part of.

But if the only problem here is a lack of knowledge, then Brother can be depended on to remedy that quite successfully.

(Lan Zhan personally wants Nie Mingjue to accept his role as a Claw in their weyr because he can already tell that there will never be another person better at protecting Brother than him.)

"I can teach you all you need to know and anything else you wish to learn about us," Brother assures Nie Mingjue.

Nie Mingjue raises both his brows in surprise. "Us?"

Brother's smile does not falter but Lan Zhan can tell without looking that it is dimmer than before from the tone of his voice alone. "I may only have access to this form I am currently in now, Nie-gongzi, but I am my mother's son just as much as my brother is. We share her blood and a few of the same urges she passed down. On top of that, Wangji considers me as one of his Treasures and he wants you to be our Claw."

"And what is a claw exactly?"

Lan Zhan and his brother wince in unison at the older boy's pronunciation. They both relax as Nie Mingjue chuckles at their reactions, his face softer and looking less severe than it has during this conversation so far.

"Claw," Brother corrects him, emphasizing where it is needed so Nie Mingjue can understand. "A Claw is a protector of the weyr. They keep Treasures safe, act as enforcers when our Head demands it of them. Wangji is the Head of our weyr and Grandmaster Lan is another Treasure."

Brother pauses there for a moment, turning his head to meet Lan Zhan's gaze. The corner of his mouth twitches, his right eyebrow slightly elevated as he tips his head ever so slightly to the side. Lan Zhan allows his stony expression to soften as he nods, humming his verbal agreement to leave Brother with no doubts about his decision. Brother's smile wobbles before it evens out again, blushing a very soft pink that Lan Zhan is certain no normal human would ever be able to notice.

"In other words," Brother turns to Nie Mingjue with a firmer grasp on his emotions. "My brother wants you to protect his Treasures."

Nie Mingjue blinks at them both, his scent spiking with embarrassment and pleasure all at once. Lan Zhan watches him closely, meeting his eye when the older boy's gaze lands on him. He knows this is very sudden and a lot to ask of someone he has only officially met today, but Nie Mingjue is Brother's closest friend and Lan Zhan's brother does not have very many friends.

What Lan Zhan knows of Nie Mingjue he has learned from Brother or through his reactions in this encounter alone. For normal human beings, this is not enough to entrust someone else with what they value above all else, but it is more than enough for Lan Zhan.

Besides, it is more than obvious that Brother intends to court Nie Mingjue in due time. Perhaps when they are both a few years older than they are now Brother will begin the courtship through subtle maneuvers before presenting Nie Mingjue with a jewel that is worth just as much as the bond between them. It is the ways of old, ways Mother never got the chance to experience herself, and ways Lan Zhan will make certain Brother experiences when he considers himself ready for them.

"Then it seems that I was already unofficially a Claw before your brother offered the position to me, Lan-gongzi," Nie Mingjue breaks the silence with, his pronunciation still off but better than before.

Brother lets out a startled laugh in response, his blush darkening further as he grows flustered. Lan Zhan feels his lips twitch with the urge to smile as admiration and amusement bubble up within him.

Nie Mingjue smiles then, his scent twisting until it is less surprised and more confident. "I would still appreciate being taught anything you wish to teach me before I accept. I would not wish to offend either of you after you have already trusted me with so much."

"Mn," Lan Zhan hums, stepping forward with his hand outstretched.

He finds himself smiling when Nie Mingjue ducks enough to press the crown of his head into Lan Zhan's palm. Not a smile like Brother or others generally wear on their faces, but a smile nonetheless.

Nie Mingjue is not a part of their weyr, but he will be soon.

While Nie Mingjue is in Cloud Recesses, Lan Zhan learns how to ride a sword.

He absolutely despises it.

Having to fly by way of his sword instead of controlling the winds in his first form frustrates him. His instincts do not agree in the least with having to step on a thin sheet of metal and using his golden core to keep him in the air.

Almost as if Bichen knows how Lan Zhan feels about flying on it, he often falls from his sword. Many of the junior disciples he regularly trains with have either already mastered flight by sword or are close to it.

Lan Zhan is the only nine-year-old who cannot remain stable on his sword. The Clan Elders do not let him forget it.

As soon as word had spread that the sole dragon of Cloud Recesses was struggling to fly on his sword, the Clan Elders descended on Lan Zhan quickly. They linger in the back of his lessons again, beady eyes glued to Lan Zhan.

Nie Mingjue finds him on an afternoon the disciples have been given free time to do as they please. Lan Zhan is once again attempting to ride his sword, his jaw tight as his teeth refuse to unclench. Brother is not with him, something that Lan Zhan finds strange as he registers his Claw’s scent approaching but does not acknowledge until Nie Mingjue is standing on the sidelines of the sword training area.

“My Head, what are you doing?” Nie Mingjue asks after they have bowed in greeting to one another.

Lan Zhan keeps his gaze on Bichen, embarrassed that his Claw will be witness to one of his weaknesses. It has not been long since Nie Mingjue accepted Lan Zhan’s offer of being a Claw. Less than a month has passed since then and now Nie Mingjue will learn of how childish Lan Zhan really is and will be ashamed of being in his weyr. He will want to leave their weyr because Heads are meant to be strong and in control, but Lan Zhan can’t remain on his own sword for more than an incense stick’s worth of time before falling off.

Among the other disciples and his teachers, Lan Zhan is labeled a prodigy. Many praise him for his ability to do anything that is taught to him. He masters techniques children his age are not introduced to until they participate in Uncle’s year-long lectures. His golden core is powerful and he has been able to fly without a sword’s assistance for almost four years now. Riding his sword should not be as difficult as it is making itself to be.

Nie Mingjue waits patiently for an answer, brows pulled together in confusion as Lan Zhan holds his unsheathed sword up. He sighs quietly, resigning himself to the shame he will undoubtedly feel in full effect after Nie Mingjue has left him alone again.

“Flying,” Lan Zhan supplies. “I keep falling.”

Understanding dawns across his Claw’s face, his expression clearing quickly. “I see. What seems to be the problem then?”

“I dislike it,” Lan Zhan says, studying Bichen intently as if he has never seen his own sword before then. “I despise it,” he clarifies when Nie Mingjue’s confusion returns.

“Because you can fly on your own without your sword, correct?” Nie Mingjue asks, head tilted to the side in thought.

Lan Zhan nods, still refusing to meet Nie Mingjue’s gaze lest his shame be too great.

Nie Mingjue’s laugh startles him into looking up, blinking furiously as their eyes meet. Lan Zhan can see and smell the amusement Nie Mingjue is sporting at the moment, but he can also make out the fondness in his Claw’s scent as well.

“Well, it seems the only way to fix this is to continue practicing,” Nie Mingjue states as he claps his hands together once then steps down into the sword training area. “I will catch you if you fall, but do not allow your frustration to be your downfall. I struggled with learning how to fly my saber as well.”

At fourteen, Nie Mingjue seems much too wise and intelligent for his age but considering what Lan Zhan is, he has no room to talk. Instead, he hums his agreement and clambers onto Bichen again and again. And again and again, Lan Zhan’s Claw catches him every time he falls off without fail.

They do not stop until Lan Zhan is able to ride his sword longer than two incense stick’s worth of time without falling while Nie Mingjue smiles at him from below.

That is how Brother finds them, pausing as he watches Nie Mingjue lead Lan Zhan through his wobbly landing.

As Lan Zhan’s feet plant themselves firmly on the ground once more, he happens to look up in time to catch a glimpse of one of Brother’s rarer smiles. The type of smile Brother only shares privately, the genuine one that Lan Zhan would not hesitate to go to war for.

His Brother’s happiness means more to him than life itself and as the Head in their weyr, there is nothing Lan Zhan would not do for his first Treasure.

“Wangji, Nie-gongzi,” Brother calls out to them.

Lan Zhan does not miss the flush that rises to Nie Mingjue’s nape as he turns to face Brother, stumbling into a hasty bow as he greets him. Brother’s smile turns softer at the sight, amusement and fondness glimmering within the depth of his silver eyes. Lan Zhan watches them interact for an incense stick’s worth of time before he speaks up to excuse himself.

He reaches out to them both to scent them as he passes by, something bright and airy filling his chest up to the brim as they scent him in return.

Lan Zhan cannot be the terrible Head he believes himself to be if his weyr is happy. They are all young, after all, and they all have the opportunity to grow.

They will be fine.

When Lan Zhan is eleven, Uncle gives permission for Brother to embark on his first night hunt.

Brother is almost fifteen and very strong, but Lan Zhan worries for his Treasure every moment that he is gone. Lan Zhan had petitioned Uncle so he could accompany his older brother. Uncle had only shot him down easily.

The Clan Elders would never have allowed it, after all, and Lan Zhan does not want them to keep him from his first Treasure.

It soothes him when he learns Nie Mingjue will also be on the night hunt. His Claw will protect his Treasure. Nie Mingjue would never allow harm to befall Brother. Lan Zhan can breathe easier knowing his weyr will remain safe, but he finds himself growing restless as the days drag along.

Lan Zhan studies and trains diligently, keeping to himself as much as he always has before. Uncle sits with him for dinner every night but during the day, Lan Zhan is alone. The disciples still keep their distance from him, still tend to watch him from the corner of their eyes when he is anywhere nearby. They duck under awnings or doorways when he takes to the sky and they give him a wide berth of space if their paths ever intercross in the halls.

On the fourth morning Lan Zhan wakes after his brother's departure, he makes a point of not running to Uncle's room once he realizes that Brother's scent on him is beginning to fade. He stops in front of Brother's door on the way there, inhaling his Treasure's scent deeply before moving on again. It is still early but not early enough for the halls to be devoid of others and Lan Zhan does not wish for whispers of his odd behavior to reach the Clan Elders' ears.

Uncle is still in the process of getting ready for the day when Lan Zhan knocks on his door, so Lan Zhan kneels by the entrance and waits patiently. His posture is as perfect as it always is and his expression appears calm but his heart is thudding painfully away in his chest with each moment that passes.

"Wangji," Uncle calls from behind his changing screen. "Would you like some tea?"

Lan Zhan finds himself nodding before he remembers that his uncle cannot see him. "Yes, Uncle."

Uncle makes a noncommittal sound and emerges from behind the screen soon after, looking as polished and pristine as he always does. Lan Zhan drinks in the tranquil image of his uncle, fists clenched over his knees as he continues to kneel.

Lan Zhan watches as Uncle sends for a tea set and goes about preparing their usual blend of tea leaves when a disciple sets down a tray on the only table in Uncle's sitting area. Uncle beckons him forward, motioning to the empty space across the table from him and Lan Zhan keeps his movements measured and serene as he sits.

When the tea is done and Lan Zhan has finished pouring it into their cups for them, Uncle reaches across the table and cups Lan Zhan's cheek gently. "Deep breaths, Wangji."

He follows his Treasure's reassuring words and exhales heavily, inhaling deeply after a moment's pause. Uncle's eyes remain on him as he gradually calms, Lan Zhan's face still cradled within his palm.

There is an ache Lan Zhan has not been able to fully ignore since Brother left, one that demands his Treasures to be near at all times. But under Uncle's steady gaze and his familiar scent surrounding him, Lan Zhan pushes that ache to the side and focuses on the here and now.

"Brother's scent," Lan Zhan murmurs before an incense stick's worth of time has passed, eyes kept closed as he leans into Uncle's touch.

Uncle hums with understanding and allows his fingertips to brush the area behind Lan Zhan's ear, ensuring that his own scent will linger on Lan Zhan's skin throughout the day. "You may enter Xichen's room to take something with his scent on it, but do not linger. It is impolite to enter someone's dwelling without their knowledge."

Lan Zhan moves his head in a motion that could be considered a nod.

"Xichen will return in two day's time, Wangji. Be patient," Uncle admonishes, gripping Lan Zhan's shoulder with his free hand before pulling away and motioning towards their untouched tea. "Let us enjoy our tea and share our breakfast before we depart for the day."

"Mn," Lan Zhan hums.

They drink their tea and eat their breakfast quietly. Lan Zhan remains calm for the rest of the morning but when he ducks into Brother's room and tucks a pair of his more favored robes into his qiankun pouch, the itchy feeling from before has returned. He has no time to reacquaint himself with Brother's scent before morning meditation begins and struggles to reach that zen state in between full awareness and unconsciousness Lan Zhan adopts for these sessions.

He skips the noon meal to return to his room and unceremoniously shove his face into Brother's stolen robe.

Brother's scent is a balm, easing him back into the serenity Uncle was able to draw out of him that morning. Lan Zhan refolds Brother's robe when the noon meal is almost done and settles it carefully on top of his bed then leaves. He manages to reach the central mess hall and quickly gulps down a bowl of rice before he’s off to his afternoon lectures.

Uncle scents him again at dinner and Lan Zhan sleeps easier that night.

Two days later, Brother returns just as Uncle said he would. They call him Zewu-Jun now and every member of the Lan Sect bows deeply before him as he passes. Brother has been raised since birth to fulfill his role as the Sect Heir, yet it is only now that Lan Zhan looks upon him and sees the bright future Gusu Lan has to look forward to.

Brother comes back with a title he feels he does not fully deserve and the cultivation world's eyes set on him. He looks tired with light purple shadows under his eyes that Lan Zhan mentally frowns at until they finally have a chance to be alone. Lan Zhan welcomes his Treasure back, returning the robe he took in exchange for Brother's natural scent now that he is by his side once more.

"When it is your turn to debut," Brother tells him later that night, a hand running through the ends of Lan Zhan's hair. "I will be by your side, A-Zhan."

Instantly, Lan Zhan feels his heart constrict in his chest and his eyes prick with the telltale sign of his tears. Brother has not called him “A-Zhan” for five years now. Five years too many if Lan Zhan were to ever be asked about it, but he has not so he kept his silence. Until now.

He turns and surges forward to wrap his arms around Brother's shoulders. He holds onto him tight, burying his face into his older brother's hair. Lan Zhan inhales deeply, uncaring of the tears now spilling down his cheeks as Brother's familiar smell of ink and wet stones surrounds him.

"A-Zhan," Brother sighs against the top of his head before he too is holding onto Lan Zhan with what feels like the majority of his strength. "A-Zhan."

"Mn," Lan Zhan hums in response and closes his eyes, feeling warm with the force of his brother's love and his own love for his brother.

When saltwater mixes into his brother's scent, Lan Zhan only holds onto him tighter and says nothing. Words are not his specialty and never will be. They do not come as easily to him as they do his brother, but that is fine.

Lan Zhan does not require the uncertainty of words for Brother to understand what this moment means to him.

Each year Lan Zhan spends without Mother is another year his love for Brother grows tenfold.

When he wakes up on a certain day every month thinking today, he kneels in front of the Jingshi door until Brother comes to collect him at nightfall.

Each time Lan Zhan sees Brother smile, he thanks his mother for bearing and loving them to the full extent that she was able to.

When Lan Zhan thinks of Mother, he remembers her with the pain of his grief lessening ever so slightly until it no longer festers like an untreated wound.

Some days, Lan Zhan does not think of her even once. Other days, all Lan Zhan wants is to be able to see his mother again. He no longer dreams of her, but he smiles to himself even as his heart twists when he plays her favorites on Wangji.

He has forgotten what her laughter sounds like, has forgotten how rich and full her scent was when it lied on his skin, but he will never forget that he was half of her Heart and she loved her Heart until her dying breath.

Lan Zhan is almost thirteen when he meets Nie Huaisang.

Earlier in the month, Lan Zhan was surprised when Uncle informed him he would be joining the party departing for this year’s Discussion Conference held in Qinghe Nie. He had not argued, had simply hummed to show that he was aware of Uncle’s order and packed accordingly.

The journey had not taken long, but Brother remained steadfast by his side. The usual easy smile he always wore when Nie Mingjue was involved was gone, his form rigid and stiff beside Lan Zhan.

A few months before, Nie Mingjue had become the Nie Sect Leader after his father died. Lan Zhan had been able to glean enough details to know the former Nie Sect Leader’s death was no accident. Lan Zhan was also quick to put the rest of the pieces together, now fully understanding why Uncle ordered him to come along.

Lan Zhan knows without a doubt that if it were up to Uncle, Lan Zhan would have been freed from the Gusu Lan Sect shortly after being born. Even though he did not care for Mother, Uncle would have found a way to get them both out if he could. The Clan Elders still regard Brother with subtle distaste, but Lan Zhan's existence remains to be a well of bitterness and greed for them. As much as they despise him, they are none too keen on removing him from the sect.

Now that the Wen Sect has proven they are unafraid to strike down a Sect Leader, the Clan Elders intend to use Lan Zhan’s presence at this Discussion Conference as a show of power. They want the Great Sects to look at the delegation from Gusu Lan and see the beast that is always lurking in the depths of Lan Zhan's being.

The death of Nie Mingjue’s father not only preys upon the Clan Elders’ desperation but upon Brother’s betrothal proposal to Nie Mingjue as well. When they were both nothing more than Sect Heirs, Nie Mingjue could have possibly married into the Lan Sect and have his younger brother take over in his stead. Now that Nie Mingjue is Sect Leader and Brother is close to taking the title himself, the chances of a marriage between them being approved by either of their sects are low.

That will not stop Lan Zhan from trying.

When they arrive in Qinghe, Nie Mingjue is there to welcome them. His eyes never leave Brother’s face and Lan Zhan grits his teeth when his Claw’s scent becomes riddled with the same longing and sadness that shadows Brother's every step.

Brother does not spare Nie Mingjue more than what is polite greetings and small talk as Uncle directs the flow of the short conversation, quickly leading their delegation to their rooms. Lan Zhan can smell the sadness surrounding Brother all too clearly and wants nothing more than to scent him as a distraction, but they are in public and it would not do well to draw attention to the Gusu Lan Sect before the official proceedings have begun.

Lan Zhan plays all of Brother’s favorites on Wangji, glancing up from time to time to take stock of Brother’s expression. He smiles at first, his attention focused on Lan Zhan’s playing, but he is overcome with sadness again by the second song.

Three songs later and Lan Zhan can no longer be so far from his first Treasure when Brother is like this.

“Brother,” Lan Zhan says, “If possible, I would take on your responsibilities.”

“The Clan Elders would kill you first before they allowed you to be Sect Leader, A-Zhan,” Brother replies, spikes of anger now curdling in both his expression and scent. Lan Zhan knows his older brother well enough to recognize the anger is being directed at the thought of any harm befalling him and not at Lan Zhan himself. “They would make it look like an accident so none of them would have to admit to breaking the rules and submit themselves for punishment, but we both know this to be true. I cannot give you a death sentence for my own selfish reasons.”

Lan Zhan cups his older brother’s cheek, the corners of his mouth twitching downward. “Love is not selfish.”

Brother mirrors him, his palm large and calloused from swordplay but still remaining one of the softest things Lan Zhan has ever felt. “A-Zhan, love itself is not selfish, you are correct. But tell me how could I ever live without you? How could I leave the sect and you for dead all for the sake of love that I feel for someone who is not of my blood?”

The frown on Lan Zhan’s face is small but clear enough to show his displeasure with Brother’s words. “He is a part of our weyr. He is your mate. I am willing to shoulder your responsibilities to the sect, Brother.”

“I am not,” is all Brother says before he refuses to speak any longer on the matter.

The next day Lan Zhan is determined to say something more, to add to the subject, and change his brother’s mind. He wakes at five and washes up quickly, dressing in the traditional five layers of robes every Lan is expected to wear. He had long since turned his nose up at any fabric that was not silk or lace a long time ago, greatly disliking the way other fabrics tend to irritate his skin.

Mother had smiled the first time he admitted his discomfort towards the robes Brother used to help him put on when he was younger. She shared the same sentiment, stating that she had allowed only the softest of blankets and fabrics in Lan Zhan's nest and on her person. Brother too usually wore clothes that were on the softer side, but the texture of the fabrics did not affect him as considerably as they affected Lan Zhan and their mother.

Lan Zhan stops his thoughts in their tracks there. It has been many years but Mother's death still hangs over him like a dark cloud, bringing both sorrow and metaphorical rain to him. He directs his attention towards getting ready for the day, ignoring the grief he can feel in the depths of his heart.

After dressing, Lan Zhan does his hair, fixes his forehead ribbon so it lies straight, and goes to find breakfast. The meal is not the same as the one he is used to in Cloud Recesses, but it is acceptable and filling nonetheless. After that, he trails behind Brother, intent on convincing him to ask for Nie Mingjue’s hand in marriage, yet Brother knows him all too well. He avoids speaking with Lan Zhan at every opportunity, keeping his gaze away from both him and Nie Mingjue. Uncle is Acting Sect Leader, but Brother is the Sect Heir, and where Uncle goes, Brother is not far behind him.

Lan Zhan is not old enough to participate in any of the competitions being held, but Brother always manages to place first or second in all of them. He watches the competitions by Uncle’s side, aware of the many eyes on him from Sect Leaders and regular everyday servants alike. He fights to show no reaction the first time he catches Wen Ruohan's scent, choking down the bitterness of it all. Uncle makes sure to always keep himself between Lan Zhan and the probing gaze of Wen Ruohan.

Every time the jewel on Wen Ruohan's forehead makes a sound, Lan Zhan grips his robes even tighter to restrain himself from standing up and walking away. Not only would it be rude, but it would make the Great Sects doubt how much control the Lan Sect has over him. Wen Ruohan is not worth a moment of lapse in Lan Zhan's ever-present self-control.

When the noon meal hour has almost finished, Brother approaches him with a respite in the form of a smaller boy clad in Nie gray. His features are delicate and Lan Zhan can immediately tell the boy is nervous by how tightly he is clenching the fan in his hand. Even before Brother introduces them and sweeps away soon after to avoid Lan Zhan’s impending attempts at persuasion, Lan Zhan knows the boy is Nie Mingjue’s younger brother, Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang is a few months younger than Lan Zhan and set to attend Uncle’s guest disciple lectures the following year. The anxiety thrumming through Nie Huaisang puts Lan Zhan on edge, always feeling like he is one wrong word away from reaching out and soothing this frazzled boy himself. Scenting the Nie Sect Heir would be inappropriate, however. Nie Mingjue would excuse it, but the other Sect Leaders would only take this as proof of the fact that Lan Zhan is less than human.

Lan Zhan keeps his hands to himself as Nie Huaisang mumbles through many of his sentences, growing more and more discouraged after each of Lan Zhan’s terse responses. Many may say Lan Zhan is cold and unfeeling, but he is not blind to the way Nie Mingjue views his younger brother as something precious and worth protecting from the world at large. Nie Huaisang is Nie Mingjue’s Treasure and Lan Zhan wants to appear more welcoming and inviting, wants Nie Huaisang to feel comfortable around him, but he is unsure of how to do that.

The Jin Sect is the only other sect to have brought their young heir, but Jin Zixuan is not someone Lan Zhan would ever want to wish upon Nie Huaisang. Even if their time together is awkward, at least it will hopefully not leave Nie Huaisang in tears by the end.

“What are your interests, Lan-gongzi?” Nie Huaisang asks timidly, a flush high on his cheeks.

Lan Zhan hums, “Reading. The guqin.”

Nie Huaisang nods as his face turns a startling shade of pink. He continues to ask Lan Zhan questions no other person has ever bothered to ask him before and Lan Zhan continues to answer simply. He is sure that he is not making any progress in befriending Nie Mingjue’s younger brother, but he cannot deny that the curiosity in Nie Huaisang’s scent is distracting him.

Eventually, Lan Zhan is able to convince Nie Huaisang to play weiqi with him, watching and analyzing his every move. Nie Huaisang had mentioned how he and Nie Mingjue sometimes play together and Lan Zhan had turned to him very suddenly to challenge him to a game. He has played weiqi with Nie Mingjue only a handful of times himself, but the experiences alone were enough to tell Lan Zhan all he needed to know about Nie Mingjue’s character.

Nie Huaisang comes alive as they play. He appears timid and makes moves Lan Zhan would have generally classified as simple, but the longer they play, the longer Lan Zhan realizes that is not the case at all. Lan Zhan can practically taste the anticipation building up within Nie Huaisang as they move across the board, conceding defeat when Nie Huaisang’s plan is finally revealed to him.

They set the board for another round, Lan Zhan’s interest in the inner workings of Nie Huaisang's mind practically begging him to continue playing. Nie Huaisang’s plan is not the same as before but it is just as discrete and Lan Zhan cannot see it coming until Nie Huaisang has him exactly where he wants him.

It is all too clear to him that Nie Huaisang is intelligent and has an exceptional knack for strategy but he hides it behind his faked ignorance and paper fans.

Lan Zhan does not agree to another game, already aware that he will lose once more. Nie Huaisang deflates but then Lan Zhan haltingly asks him about his own interest in the arts and Nie Huaisang comes back to life. He can practically hear Nie Huaisang's mind at work as they spend the next shichen discussing music or reading excerpts from Nie Huaisang’s extensive collection of stories and poems together.

As the day fades away, Lan Zhan loosens ever so slightly around Nie Huaisang. He is not usually a fan of new acquaintances, but he finds himself enjoying Nie Huaisang’s company.

By the time dinner is approaching, Lan Zhan is reaching out to grip Nie Huaisang’s nape much the same way he did to Nie Mingjue all those years ago.

“Lan-gongzi?” Nie Huaisang asks, frozen in Lan Zhan’s grasp.

Lan Zhan rubs his thumb across the back of Nie Huaisang’s neck and releases him soon after. “You will be my Tail.”

Confusion flits across his face before Nie Huaisang understands. “Da-ge won’t be happy with that.”

It is good to see that Lan Zhan was not wrong about Nie Huaisang having knowledge of this already. To Lan Zhan, it made perfect sense for Nie Huaisang to learn everything he could about dragons if his older brother had been taken into the folds of a weyr, after all.

“Mn,” Lan Zhan hums. “Not for him to decide.”

Nie Huaisang blinks and stares at him, eyes gone wide as the realization sinks in. “Me?”

Lan Zhan nods. Nie Huaisang blinks again as his eyes begin to water, tears a very real thing that may happen in the next moment or so. Lan Zhan blinks back, confused over why this would garner such a response but decides to look into it later. Nie Huaisang apologized to him multiple times when he was in the middle of excitedly explaining something from one of his books or a poem he liked in particular and that was all Lan Zhan needed to know that when Nie Huaisang talks, others rarely listen.

That will never be the case in their weyr.

Nie Huaisang is correct that Nie Mingjue does not approve of Lan Zhan’s claim on him, but considering the fact that Nie Huaisang being added to their weyr is also what is necessary for Brother to finally talk to him, Lan Zhan does not have to listen to the Nie Sect Leader’s protests for very long. Brother’s explanation of weyr positions and Nie Huaisang’s role as a Tail is perfect, simple, and enough for Nie Mingjue to turn to his younger brother and see him in a different light.

After all, even when you focus on a dragon’s claws or teeth, you should never forget about its tail. Making such a mistake could be deadly.

Soon after they have returned from the Discussion Conference, Lan Zhan is given permission to venture into Caiyi Town unsupervised.

At first, he does not wish to go. He was granted this privilege through the Clan Elders, as all the other junior disciples had been as well. This is meant to be a group excursion with only those who had recently broken a rule not being allowed to go. Lan Zhan is the perfect disciple and therefore, the Clan Elders had no way of denying him this without raising many questions within the sect itself.

Lan Zhan, of course, could not care either way if he is allowed to go or not. He has no money of his own to spend in town nor friends to spend time with while there. Brother will be busy in Cloud Recesses with his own studies and may not accompany him. Asking Uncle would prove fruitless as well.

He ponders over whether Brother would believe him if he claimed to fall ill the morning of the excursion and decides that Brother would have already prepared for that kind of scenario. Instead, Lan Zhan grudgingly accepts the qiankun pouch full of money that Uncle pushes into his hands and ignores the teasing slant of Brother’s smile as he descends down the mountain with the other junior disciples.

The journey down is quick enough for Lan Zhan and as quiet as he expected it to be with no company. He is the first to step into Caiyi Town, most of the junior disciples still working their way down all those steps.

Caiyi Town smells of the lakewater that surrounds it and the street food that vaguely calls to Lan Zhan. In Cloud Recesses, their food is unseasoned and bland but filling nonetheless. Mother gave him sweets once as a child, something he found was not much to his liking. The smell of sugar lies heavily in the air and Lan Zhan decides to follow it to its source.

The marketplace is lively, not as loud as Lan Zhan expected it to be but disarming nevertheless. The stall selling candy is surrounded by children, some enjoying their sweets and others looking on with unabashed longing.

Before Lan Zhan recognizes what he is doing, he has already swept forward and bought each child in the vicinity a sweet. The vendor thanks him profusely, accepting the large sum of money Lan Zhan has offered him to pay. In truth, the amount is enough to buy out all the sweets but Lan Zhan only takes one for himself and asks the vendor to give the rest away to any child that wouldn’t normally be able to buy it for themselves.

He sweeps away, eyes roaming the marketplace as children cheer behind him. Their cries are not exceptionally loud, something about Caiyi Town as a whole keeping itself reserved. Lan Zhan doesn’t mind it though. He pops the sweet into his mouth and forces himself to get past the overbearing taste of sugar as he moves farther and farther away from the center of the marketplace. Here and there he can see the telling robes of his fellow junior disciples but walks past them without a second glance.

Even though his control is unshakable, for the most part, Lan Zhan keeps his distance from others out of habit. He passes one of the livelier inns and turns sharply away from the scent of what he can only assume is alcohol. The smell is bitter and sets his teeth on edge as he thinks of Mother before he viciously pushes the thought away.

Muscles he had not been aware of beforehand loosen as he moves forward, merely trailing around the marketplace in search of nothing in particular. Many vendors eye the cut of his robes and the clouds on his forehead ribbon, the only markings Lan Zhan carries of his position in the Lan Sect. They call out to him as he passes but Lan Zhan only nods to them in acknowledgment, silently apologizing as he continues to walk.

He stops at a quiet inn around noon and eats a simple meal, tipping generously once he has finished. He takes note of the inn’s name for future reference and decides it would be best to return back to Cloud Recesses for the remainder of the day.

He pauses as he steps out of the inn, ears immediately catching onto the words, “This came from a real dragon!”

Lan Zhan’s eyes trace the sound back to a vendor down the road with a small stall decorated in necklaces of all sorts. From this distance, Lan Zhan can make out the indistinct shape of teeth and glass jars hanging from the chords that cover the vendor’s stall. He is talking animatedly to a young man who peers down at the necklace being proffered to him before scoffing and walking away, muttering under his breath about knowing a scam when he sees one.

Despite himself, Lan Zhan is curious about what exactly this vendor is claiming is from a real dragon. He approaches calmly, inwardly delighted when the vendor brightens as he catches sight of him. The residents of Caiyi Town are aware of the dragon in the Gusu Lan Sect. None have seen him before today, but Lan Zhan is certain that they recognized who he was as soon as they saw the clouds on his ribbon. This vendor proves to be no different, even as his scent grows nervous, his expression and body language remain excited when Lan Zhan comes to a stop in front of his stall.

This close Lan Zhan can tell that none of this vendor’s merchandise came from an actual dragon. The teeth are too small, the water and wind caught in the glass jars too artificial, and the scales are nothing more than painted sheets of metal. The fans look to be made from high-quality material, at least, but Lan Zhan does not mention this to the vendor. He is more than aware of the fact that the vendor already knows and is hoping Lan Zhan won’t run him out of business by disputing his goods.

Lan Zhan reaches out for four of the tooth-bearing necklaces and pays the vendor more than they are worth before he turns on his heel and leaves. His lips twitch when the vendor thanks him profusely for his business, loudly drawing the attention of everyone milling about on the road.

It takes only one glimpse of his clouds for everyone to recognize him as he walks away and before he knows it, the stall is being flooded with customers.

Back in Cloud Recesses, Lan Zhan presents the necklaces to Brother and Uncle. Lans do not wear jewelry, not the type most can see anyway. He bought these on a whim, but he is glad when they silently wrap the chords around their wrists before hiding their hands within their draping sleeves once more.

As for the last two necklaces, Lan Zhan sends those to the Nie brothers. He enlists Brother’s help to get them delivered and is satisfied when Nie Huaisang sends him a thank you letter in return. Or as satisfied as he can be when only a week later, he receives another letter from his Tail informing him that he has somehow misplaced the gift Lan Zhan gave him. Lan Zhan takes that to mean Nie Huaisang did not particularly like the necklace he was given and is asking for something else instead as politely as he can.

(Years later, however, Nie Huaisang will tell him that he gave the necklace to a boy from the Jiang Sect with startling silver eyes who was in awe of the fact that a dragon had given him his own teeth as a gift. Nie Huaisang did not have the heart to tell the boy that the teeth were fake and instead allowed him to keep the necklace as a token of their new friendship. Lan Zhan finds that he cannot fault his Tail for this when he meets the silver-eyed boy for himself.)

Lan Zhan returns to the same vendor as before on his next allowed excursion into Caiyi Town and grabs the fan with a detailed drawing of a dilong on it, ignoring how much it resembles his mother.

Nie Huaisang shoots him a smile behind that same fan the next time they meet and that becomes the end of that.

On one autumn day when Lan Zhan is thirteen, he experiences the effects of his first growth spurt.

In his usual bleariness of the early morning, he mistakes the pain in his lower back as an ache from not sleeping in the traditionally accepted Lan sleeping position. Even though he falls asleep while laying on his back, he always wakes in the morning to find that he has moved in the middle of the night.

That morning he happens to wake up curled up on his side, his hair a tangled mess beneath his shoulder. He sits up carefully, distantly aware of the twinge near his spine as he moves. Gently, he turns at the waist and sighs as the twinge disappears almost immediately.

By then, Lan Zhan has decided this is a matter of little importance and begins preparing for the day. He forgets about the discomfort from the morning until the noon meal has passed and his back begins to ache again.

He is in the middle of sword practice when he parries a blow from his sparring partner and feels his shoulder twinge with mild pain. Lan Zhan ignores it, for the time being, and finishes the spar quicker than usual. His sparring partner bows to him after she has risen from the ground, her white robes dusted with dirt. He barely remembers to bow back before he turns on his heel and finds a spot on the sidelines to watch the rest of the spars.

Lan Zhan slowly rotates his arm, feeling his brows come together for a split second before his face smooths itself of all expression again. A slow and steady heat is spreading from his shoulder blades down to his waist, an unusual urge to scratch the knobs of his spine valiantly attempting to push through to the forefront of his thoughts. He ignores that as well, sitting out for the rest of the sword practice and excusing himself when the itching becomes too distracting.

The master swordsman in charge of their class waves him away, asking only once if Lan Zhan is feeling alright before he is dismissed. Lan Zhan is intent on seeing a healer but halfway to the healer’s hall, his feet start to lead him towards Brother instead. His back now feels like it is burning but Lan Zhan continues to calmly follow his brother's scent past the bustling main halls and into the back slopes of Cloud Recesses.

He finds Brother sitting on a dry rock by the cold springs, staring pensively into the waters.

"Brother," Lan Zhan speaks, surprised by how strained he sounds. He reaches up to grasp his shoulder before he can stop himself, the burning feeling only increasing with each moment that passes. "Brother," he repeats.

Brother startles as he turns to face him, confusion and concern blanketing his face. "A-Zhan? Are you unwell? What's wrong?"

Lan Zhan shakes his head, his grip on his shoulder tightening even further. "Brother."

"A-Zhan," Brother breathes, standing up quickly and rushing to Lan Zhan's side. "What’s wrong? Tell me."

Lan Zhan shakes his head, his tongue suddenly feeling too heavy. He feels too big for this form, his clothes constricting instead of comforting him with their familiar sensation and weight. "Brother," is all he can manage to say before he tugs on his sash to begin removing his robes.

Brother seems to understand because, in the next moment, his hands have replaced Lan Zhan's trembling ones as they methodically remove his three outer robes and hesitate before pulling Lan Zhan's two inner robes off as well. Lan Zhan only notices enough to nod, too used to nudity around his older brother to care about it now.

(Brother did mind for a while, but only because he thought Lan Zhan would feel different now that his second form was changing with age. Lan Zhan didn't and so their typical camaraderie had, thankfully, returned.)

Lan Zhan sinks into the cold springs after he tugs his boots off and leaves them by the bundle of his robes that Brother is slowly folding. The water calms him briefly before the burning on his back returns, and Lan Zhan submerges himself completely underwater. He wrenches his eyes shut and clenches his hands into fists by his side, taking stock of the pain.

It is different than it was in the morning, even different than it was not that long ago at sword practice as well. Before it was just a twinge or an ache he could ignore and push to the side to deal with later. Now it is like an invisible fire has sprung into existence on his back, taking shelter in his spine as his body screams to be released from this form.

In the next moment, Lan Zhan relaxes and feels the familiar shift in his bones take hold. His transition is swift and clean, his first form tuning into the rhythm of his Treasure's heartbeat. He moves with the change in forms, his head breaking the water's surface and inhaling the fresh afternoon air. His limbs stay underwater, but bits and pieces of his back are exposed to the sky above him. The fire is gone now, everything as it should be.

When Lan Zhan opens his eyes, he finds Brother gaping at him in shock.

Lan Zhan leans forward to brush his whiskers against the top of Brother's hair, chuffing as Brother lets out an inelegant snort he would never allow anyone else to hear in public. Anyone except for Uncle and Nie Mingjue, but they are not exactly anyone so Lan Zhan does not point out this exception. After all, their weyr has extended from three Lans to include two Nies as well.

Brother reaches out to press the flat of his palm against Lan Zhan's muzzle, moving upwards to scent him in return. Since his birth, Lan Zhan has almost always had Brother's scent on his skin. When he was with Mother for those first two years, his brother was not always available to scent him as often as Lan Zhan wanted to but since Mother died, Lan Zhan has made a point of scenting Brother daily. Brother did not do the same in return at first, but now he reaches out for Lan Zhan in either form without nary a thought.

"A-Zhan," Brother breathes into the air between them, one hand pressed to his own chest as his heartbeat quickens and his scent morphs from concern to awe. "You've grown."

He can already guess what will greet him, but Lan Zhan turns enough to glance behind him anyway. He freezes as soon as his eyes catch sight of his tail, much longer and thicker than it was the last time he went flying. His second form is changing by the day though, maturing and growing. Maybe it stands to reason that Lan Zhan's first form would also change to accommodate the progress of his second form.

Still, Lan Zhan almost cannot believe it.

While Lan Zhan's body continues to grow, his mind races ahead in leaps and bounds.

Brother is close to adulthood but not quite there yet. He no longer hopes for an official marriage with Nie Mingjue, but their sworn brotherhood is no secret. Uncle had approved and arranged for the ceremony to take place shortly before the Discussion Conference held in Qinghe came to an end. Still, whenever Nie Mingjue is mentioned, Brother’s scent goes sour with the force of his sadness.

Lan Zhan doesn’t understand why until Nie Huaisang sheds light on the situation for him.

Nie Huaisang is in Cloud Recesses for the year-long lectures Uncle holds for the guest disciples every other year. Three days earlier, Lan Zhan had spent the better part of the morning waiting at the entrance to welcome the Nie Sect Heir then show him to the guest disciple dormitories.

When he first caught sight of him, Nie Huaisang had smiled so brightly that Lan Zhan felt the ridiculous urge to glance behind him to check if there was someone else Nie Huaisang was so happy to see. His surprise must have shown because Nie Huaisang had laughed quietly enough for only Lan Zhan to hear after they bowed to each other and gave the customary greetings expected of them. Lan Zhan was certain that Nie Huaisang was going to walk close enough by his side to be considered improper, but his Tail had kept a respectable amount of distance between them and barely fidgeted with his fan as they walked further into Cloud Recesses.

Only once they were safely behind closed doors did Nie Huaisang sit beside him and press their upper arms together as they drank tea. Lan Zhan had calmed at the familiar position, envisioning both of their older brothers sitting across from them like they usually did when they all had tea together. While Nie Huaisang was in the process of reciting his newest collection of poetry to him, Lan Zhan had reached out and gripped the back of his neck. His Tail had gone limp in his hold, giving in without a fight to show Lan Zhan how much he had missed their scenting sessions.

It had not occurred to Lan Zhan that Nie Huaisang might be lacking in receiving physical contact until he came to Cloud Recesses without his brother accompanying him. At that moment, however, it became startling clear and Lan Zhan has made it a point to scent Nie Huaisang every day since then.

Brother has been unhappy all day, the sour scent of it cloying. Lan Zhan scented him before breakfast in an attempt to distract him but instead, he has Brother's sadness lingering on his skin, the weight of it dragging on Lan Zhan all day. It has had him on edge and when Lan Zhan feels like crawling out of his skin but is unable to shift, he plays music.

That is why when he sits down to practice his guqin after classes have ended and Nie Huaisang leans against his back, Lan Zhan remains stiff and upright. He plays all of Brother's favorites first before the notes blend into a song Nie Huaisang shared with him during his last visit with his brother.

When the song ends, Nie Huaisang reaches out and grips Lan Zhan's wrist to stop him from plucking the strings again. "Lan-xiong."

Lan Zhan inclines his head in Nie Huaisang's direction to show that he is listening. He does not miss the way his Tail's face softens, nor can he mistake the dull sprigs of surprise buried within his scent. His chest tightens, an unfamiliar feeling gripping him whole as he thinks of how often Nie Huaisang must be brushed aside and not taken as seriously as his brother to be caught off-guard when he immediately receives the full force of someone's attention on him.

He knows Nie Mingjue listens to every word Nie Huaisang says, knows that his Claw cherishes his younger brother more than anything in this world. Lan Zhan knows that Nie Huaisang's hidden reaction is not a result of his brother's actions, but the reaction itself still bothers him. No one in his weyr should ever expect their words to be ignored, especially not Nie Huaisang.

"Do you wish to speak about what is bothering you?" Nie Huaisang's steady voice draws Lan Zhan out of his thoughts, pulling him back to the present. "You are troubled, my Head."

Words are not Lan Zhan's greatest strength. It takes only an incense stick's worth of time in his company to know this fact. Many think him aloof and reserved, always intimately aware of his ire but never of the other multiple emotions filling him to the brim. That Nie Huaisang can tell he is upset does not surprise Lan Zhan. Nie Huaisang asking if he would like to air his grievances does.

Lan Zhan wanting to share his troubles with the newest member of his weyr surprises him even more.

He nods, placing his free hand over Nie Huaisang's on his wrist. Nie Huaisang starts to apologize for interrupting him in such a manner, but Lan Zhan brushes it aside and grips onto Nie Huaisang's hand tighter.

"Brother is upset," Lan Zhan finally manages to say, eyes downcast and glued to their joined hands.

Nie Huaisang sighs, sagging beside him. "Yes, I have noticed Zewu-jun's mood has not been as bright as it should be these past few days."

Lan Zhan nods again, leaning into Nie Huaisang's warmth without much thought. "Do you..." He trails off, suddenly unsure of what exactly he wants to ask.

"Da-ge told me that there has been a sudden influx of marriage proposals for him recently. Our Clan Elders wish for him to marry sooner rather than later," Nie Huaisang speaks into the silence between them. “They want the line of succession to remain clear.”

Lan Zhan stiffens, fury and indignation rolling up from the depths of his very being. He knew Brother's future relationship with Nie Mingjue would not come without complications, but to know that others are willing to force his Treasure’s mate into a loveless marriage leaves him feeling like he is lost at sea. Unmoored from the stability and control he has taught himself from the moment he took his very first breath.

"Sect Leader Nie will⎼" Lan Zhan begins to say, his words resembling a long and drawn-out hiss he is more familiar with in his first form than in this one.

Nie Huaisang does not let go of his hand, does not flinch or pull away when faced with Lan Zhan's anger and in the recesses of Lan Zhan's thoughts, he feels awful for subjecting a member of his weyr to this. It is not any fault of Nie Huaisang's that their brothers will not have the chance to be together. It is not Lan Zhan's fault either but he cannot abate the rage building up within him that easily.

"I am more than willing to produce an heir for the Nie Sect, Lan-xiong. I told Da-ge that he does not have to marry out of duty, no matter what the Clan Elders say," Nie Huaisang states, not half as calmly as he is hoping to appear but enough to confront Lan Zhan's baser instincts head-on.

Despite his sudden anger, Lan Zhan inhales deeply and closes his eyes. He focuses on keeping his breathing normal, on finding his way back to the pier he has always kept his control tied to. Nie Huaisang waits patiently at his side, the last vestiges of fear fading away from his Tail's scent as Lan Zhan calms.

He opens his eyes when he is more than sure of his temperament and bows in apology, eyes downcast. Nie Huaisang flushes through his acceptance and then changes the subject, prattling on about how difficult his studies are. Lan Zhan hums where appropriate, mentally far away from this moment and glad of the fact that his Tail has not taken offense.

Later, Lan Zhan finds Uncle in his room before dinner.

"Wangji, did you wish to join me for dinner?" Uncle asks after Lan Zhan has given the proper greetings.

Lan Zhan shakes his head, holding his hand out in a silent question. Uncle meets his gaze as he nods, stepping forward so Lan Zhan can easily reach out and scent him.

"Sect Leader Nie is being pressured into marriage," Lan Zhan begins with, brushing his thumb behind Uncle's ear and wondering if Uncle will consider what he says next as gossiping. "The Elders will not allow this one to produce an heir. Now or in the future."

Uncle sighs, aging before his very eyes. "Yes, Wangji. They have come to accept Xichen as heir thanks to his sworn brotherhood with Sect Leader Nie and the political ties it will give the Lan Sect. They expect him to marry within due time and produce an heir for the sect so you never will."

"Brother knows?" Lan Zhan asks, raising his other hand so Uncle's face is cupped between his palms.

"No, but Xichen will have guessed already."

Lan Zhan hums, dropping his hands so they lie at his sides once more. Uncle sighs, a sound Lan Zhan is not used to but does not mind. This is not a conversation Uncle expected to have with his almost fourteen-year-old nephew, after all. Neither of them is at fault for the situation at hand but they both cannot help but feel guilty for the apparent outcome regardless.

Uncle reaches out and smooths Lan Zhan’s hair down, his scent curdling with sadness and guilt. "This old one apologizes, Wangji. I can do no more than I already have."

"Mn," Lan Zhan responds, not out of agreement but to show Uncle that he has heard him. "Uncle has done his best. Wangji is grateful."

Uncle cups his cheek for a brief moment before he steps back and dismisses Lan Zhan, urging him to join his older brother for dinner. Lan Zhan agrees, not bothering to point out that was his initial plan.

Though every meal is marked with silence, the one Lan Zhan shares with Brother that night is edged with something else. Something that has Lan Zhan itching to play more music in an attempt to curb the unfamiliar feeling.

"Brother," Lan Zhan says once they have cleared the empty bowls and dishes away. "Second Young Master Nie has informed me of his plans to give his sect an heir."

Brother's silver gaze burns against him but Lan Zhan remains steady. He has his brother's sole attention now, the full force of his focus that others tend to wither under. Lan Zhan reaches out and takes hold of his brother's hands in his, not allowing their eyes to stray from one another.

"I will not be allowed to produce an heir," Lan Zhan admits, feeling his heartbeat increase when Brother's gaze only intensifies.

"The Elders will not allow Mother's blood to linger in the Lan Clan through you," Brother says so softly that Lan Zhan has to strain to hear him. "If your future spouse is not a man, they will destroy your chances at marriage."

Lan Zhan hums in agreement, still gripping onto his brother's hands. "Brother."

Brother leans forward until their foreheads are close to touching, both of them bowed over their joined hands. "A-Zhan, let us find happiness where we can."

"Mn."

Lan Zhan's debut makes a monumental splash across the waters of the cultivation world.

The night hunt he accompanied Brother, Nie Huaisang, and a handful of other junior disciples on was simple. They had resolved the issue within two nights and returned to Cloud Recesses three days before the graduation ceremony for the guest disciples would take place.

Nie Huaisang had failed his exams, excited for his plans to return again in a year's time when Lan Zhan will be able to join the lessons. Nie Mingjue had plenty to say when he had found out but Brother had distracted him before he could cause a scene when he came to accompany Nie Huaisang home.

(Lan Zhan, for his own part, had asked his Tail if he had failed on purpose and sat silently through the adamant denial Nie Huaisang offered in a teasing voice.)

Since his debut, Lan Zhan and his brother have been regaled as the Twin Jade Dragons of Gusu Lan. Lan Zhan himself did not gain an official title like Brother had, but he is both pleased and discomfited with the unofficial one they have come to share between them.

After the guest disciple lessons are officially over, the Twin Jade Dragons see the small party from the Nie Sect off, wishing for their safety on their trek back home. Brother and Nie Mingjue bow to each other as is becoming of a Sect Leader and a Sect Heir, but Nie Huaisang's bow to Lan Zhan is much less formal than is expected.

Lan Zhan returns it despite all the eyes he can feel on him and hums in agreement when Nie Huaisang asks him to continue to keep in contact. He can already guess what Nie Huaisang's incoming letter will center around and mentally catalogs all the possible responses he can present in turn.

Months after Lan Zhan's debut, the Clan Elders invite him to a discussion Brother was unaware of until Lan Zhan mentions it to him.

Uncle and Brother both escort him to the meeting, standing firm by his side even when the Elders make their distaste over their uninvited appearance clear. Lan Zhan stays silent throughout the entire thing. His input isn't welcome here anyway.

By the end of it, Uncle and Brother have agreed for Lan Zhan to enter seclusion until the lessons for next year's guest disciples begin. The Elders had said they were concerned that all the new scents and people Lan Zhan will be joining in a classroom setting would upset his instincts and put everyone at risk. They want him to seclude himself and strengthen his control until there is no chance of him ever losing it.

Lan Zhan knows the extent of his control. He is well aware of this being another manner in which the Clan Elders want to exert their own control over him. Lan Zhan has never been bothered by new people and all their different mannerisms so he knows the Clan Elders’ reasoning to be flighty at best. New scents only take up enough of Lan Zhan's attention for him to recognize them as unfamiliar before moving on.

It has been too long since the Clan Elders have made their presence known in his life. Something like this has been long overdue.

Lan Zhan remains silent on their trek back to his room, musing over how to word his proposal.

"Wangji," Uncle begins with once they have entered Lan Zhan's room. "There is nothing Xichen and I can do that would change the Elders' minds."

"Mn. Wangji understands," Lan Zhan replies, meeting his uncle's gaze easily. "Brother, Uncle. Wangji wishes to make a request."

Brother nods. "If it is within our power to do so, we will listen and grant it."

Lan Zhan bows, keeping his eyes on his feet. "Wangji wishes to seclude in the Jingshi."

Silence befalls them, the shock and surprise in their scents filling the air between them. Lan Zhan remains bowing, keeping his posture perfect and proper as he waits.

"A-Zhan," Brother whispers, reaching out to grip Lan Zhan's elbow and pull him out of his bow. "Your seclusion will not be like Mother's punishment."

"Wangji understands," Lan Zhan responds, eyes still on his own two feet. "Wangji still wishes to seclude in the Jingshi."

Uncle grips his other elbow, pulling him a step closer until Lan Zhan is forced to look up so he can see the expressions on their faces. "You may move into the Jingshi. This would please the Elders, but your seclusion will end before the guest disciple lessons begin, Wangji. You have broken no rules. You are the model disciple that the Lan Sect is fortunate enough to have. Your seclusion is not a punishment."

Lan Zhan is surprised by the vehemence of his uncle's words for only a moment.

Uncle is steadfast in his stance and respectable. He is stubborn and holds the Lan Sect rules in high regard. Lan Zhan knows that Uncle was greatly affected by Mother’s punishment and his sire’s seclusion. As a result, Uncle has done his best to raise him and Brother to always respect those rules. Uncle was never fond of Mother, but he was still one of the only two people who believed her when she presented her case to the Clan Elders all those years ago.

Uncle is the one who recited the rules to Lan Zhan as a toddler and Uncle is the one who first placed a brush into Lan Zhan's tiny hand before guiding him through writing his own name. Uncle is the one who gave Lan Zhan his first guqin, who arranged for both Lan Zhan's and his brother's swords to be made, and who indulged Lan Zhan's scenting until Uncle grew used to daily physical contact. Uncle was the one who nursed Brother when he was sick as a child, who hurried to Lan Zhan's side the only time he found himself injured, and Uncle was the one who helped Lan Zhan practice keeping his expression blank even when overwhelmed with the sheer breadth of his feelings. Uncle was the one who gave him and Brother their courtesy names, the one who took them to see Mother every month, and the one who told them when she was no longer in this world.

Of course, Brother would not be the only one wary of a dragon secluding in the Jingshi again. Lan Zhan must strive to remember that his second Treasure cherishes him just as much as Lan Zhan does him.

"Wangji understands," Lan Zhan repeats, allowing himself to be pulled forward into the group hug Brother initiates.

Lan Zhan is fifteen when he emerges from seclusion.

During those isolated months, Lan Zhan was grateful that Brother came to visit him every day. They would share a quiet dinner and scent each other afterward before Brother would take his leave. Sometimes Brother would stay longer to hear Lan Zhan play on Wangji, but it happened rarely enough that Lan Zhan tended to savor his brother's praise on his playing. Uncle, too, would visit, only dropping in once a week to make sure that Lan Zhan was remaining relatively healthy and continued to have everything he needed.

Visits during seclusion are not expressly forbidden, but Lan Zhan knew if the Clan Elders had ever caught on, it would have soon been added to the wall.

Now Lan Zhan is once again allowed to be out and about. Uncle's year-long lessons begin tomorrow, the last of the guest disciples having arrived earlier today. Nie Huaisang arrived four days earlier and has come to visit Lan Zhan twice since then, tagging along with Brother to join them for dinner.

Lan Zhan no longer has his Tail's scent on his skin but he is looking forward to another year of Nie Huaisang's company.

Seclusion has left Lan Zhan feeling cemented in the Lan Sect's rules. He studied them countless times, pouring over every character with the utmost attention. He'd been too lax before, he is well aware of that now. The Clan Elders could have accused him of breaking a handful of rules and it would have easily turned his seclusion into the punishment he knows they still wish to hand out to him.

In appearance, he was the perfect disciple that the Clan Elders could no longer do anything except wait for him to misstep and lose control. In his heart, Lan Zhan knows he will never allow that to happen.

Uncle has given him the title of Discipline Master as a way to welcome him back into the folds of the sect. Lan Zhan now has the power to dole out punishment to his age-mates and those younger than him who happen to break a rule. As Discipline Master, he must aid in the curfew rounds, making sure that everyone is in bed by nine. Considering that there are now guest disciples staying with them, Lan Zhan is not expecting his first night to be quiet.

The light of the full moon gives Lan Zhan all the light he needs to prowl the corridors, his senses on the alert for any curfew breakers. Cloud Recesses is filled with new scents and sounds, but its appearance has not changed.

It is still the mountain high in the clouds that he was raised in. It is still where the rivers and streams that follow his command reside. It is still home, even despite the animosity he faces on its slopes.

Near the outer wall, Lan Zhan hears scuffling and quiet cursing on the other side. He pauses, gripping Bichen tightly as the scuffling starts to climb up the wall until it is located above his head.

A moment later, a hand holding two jars throws itself over the wall, the rest of the guest disciple's body following soon after to sprawl across the roof.

Lan Zhan looks up at the guest disciple, taking in his unruly, black hair and the white of his disciple robes embroidered with purple lotus flowers that mark him as a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. "Step back."

The Jiang disciple stumbles, gripping onto the roof to keep his balance. "Ah! You startled me. How am I meant to step back now?"

Annoyance begins to build up within Lan Zhan at the Jiang disciple’s volume. He sniffs the air subtly, easily recognizing the bitter tang of alcohol surrounding the jars in the Jiang disciple's hand. Lan Zhan jumps onto the roof, eyes finding the Jiang disciple's own. They are silver, a shade darker than Brother's but similar enough in color. Lan Zhan feels unsettled for just a moment as he marvels at the resemblance between real silver and this Jiang disciple's eyes.

"What are you holding in your hand?" Lan Zhan demands, already knowing the answer but wanting to see if the Jiang disciple will admit to his rule-breaking or not.

The Jiang disciple looks from his hand and back to Lan Zhan, amusement swimming richly in the air. "It’s Emperor’s Smile! If I share a jar with you, can you pretend that you never saw me?"

Lan Zhan almost cannot believe the audacity of this Jiang disciple trying to bribe him. "Alcohol is forbidden in Cloud Recesses."

"Why don’t you tell me what exactly is not forbidden in your sect?" The Jiang disciple asks, his nose scrunched up in a manner that Lan Zhan finds he cannot look away from.

His annoyance has now evolved into irritation, none of it showing on his face but clear enough in his tone of voice. "Our rules are on the wall by the entrance. You should have read them when you arrived."

"Who has the time to read all those rules?" The Jiang disciple asks as he gets to his feet and smiles, the sight of it alone punching the air out of Lan Zhan's lungs. "Alright, if alcohol is prohibited in Cloud Recesses, then I won’t go in. I’ll drink it standing back here. That wouldn’t count as violating the rules, would it?"

Lan Zhan has only just regained his senses when the Jiang disciple gulps down an entire jar of Emperor's Smile, standing on the other side of the roof. A clear, small stream of alcohol trickles down his throat and glistens under the moonlight. A gust of wind passes them by as Lan Zhan’s agitation grows and Lan Zhan freezes. He can feel his heart racing in his chest, something deep within him unfurling and awakening as Lan Zhan catches the full force of this Jiang disciple's scent in the air.

He smells of lotus flowers and chili peppers, of something sweet like sugar and tart like berries. The Jiang disciple’s scent is both an unusual combination and exhilarating all at once. Lan Zhan's heartbeat increases, his breaths deviating from their normal pattern as the Jiang disciple finishes drinking from the dark jar in his hand. He watches him sigh, content, even as he blatantly disregards the rule Lan Zhan has so plainly explained to him.

There is a series of words on the tip of Lan Zhan's tongue, sweeping through his mind, and upturning his senses. He does not know what those words are until he has broken the second jar of Emperor's Smile after drawing his sword on this beautiful, brash Jiang disciple and fights him across the rooftop of the outer wall under the light of the full moon.

Silver. Shiny. Treasure, his instincts whisper to him.

"Treasure," Lan Zhan says under his breath as the Jiang disciple loudly mourns the loss of his alcohol. "...Mate."

a/n #2: please note those lines at the end that were lifted from the novel bc they are definitely not mine and i thought them fitting to include. i took bits and pieces of info about oriental dragons and mashed it with stuff about european dragons to create all this too.

thank you for reading my heart and joy! i spent months on this and hope to get part 2 out soon so we can all swoon over wangxian and their courting. but please be patient with me in case it doesn't come out very soon after all.

a huge thank you to eri for cleaning up the bulk of my rambling mess while still being super supportive. you're wonderful and i owe you one of my kidneys at this point. you can cash that in whenever you want, homie. and minzi did such an amazing job on the art and you should all shower minzi in love and adoration for it bc i know that i definitely will :((( <3

[lorewytch]

The Crimes of Scrooge McDuck

SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS

Thank you,

Now onto business. I haven’t done any real responses to the previous episodes because I didn’t have a lot to say. I was fine with most of the episodes..if only nitpicking things here and there. But that’s just the creative mindset.

Scrooge has always been one of my favorite characters...and here’s why.

He’s deeply flawed, which is very very human.

No one is perfect. We all have our flaws and Scrooge’s flaws were carved into him with his hard life having to basically claw his way to the top for something that was very precious and important to him. My mom was poor too and the need to hold onto what you have is a deeply seeded drive that can be hard to break. He’s been obviously betrayed and deeply scarred from his life. One thing being Goldie betraying him constantly to the point of him expecting it and accepting it as a part of who she is. Like that.. during the times of events with Poe and Magica, which are selfish..Scrooge necessarily wasn’t a good person then. Around that time he very much was disconnected with his family and held harsh feelings about families in general.

He made mistakes, and as such mistakes can really hurt others to the point of they themselves being created as the villainous monsters that he faced. Now Scrooge has learned a lot and changed. This episode I think wanted to emphasize Scrooge’s maturity. He is no longer the one without compassion and empathy that he once was. His family brought back those deeply hidden emotions and I really liked how that was brought into this episode. We are all complex individuals with our emphasis on right and wrong...good and evil and what makes a good person. But there is usually more to the story than you see on the surface. Revenge is a dish best served cold..but it can also be never ending. Hate infects others with a rapid and devastating capacity and can quickly snuff out ones logical and common senses. It’s okay not to like someone..but just remember that causing harm to others can often have a rebound affect on yourself.

But I do like Louie’s point.. loose as it was for Scrooge getting his wealth and the town back. Everything has balance. Without his enemies Scrooge probably wouldn’t be the man he was that day. Magica whether she wanted to or not brought them back together at the end of season one. And there are different kinds of ‘sentences’ one could be given. Scrooge spent a majority of his own life isolated. Which as a whole must have felt like a eternity of emptiness...isn’t that punishment enough for his own crimes? And in a way there’s also another thing that bothers me. I feel like the justice system is wrong in the sense that it just punishes people who are bad..making the situation in a way worse for the person. It doesn’t change them mostly. But offering someone compassion and a chance to do better is something worth pursuing. It should never be.. just about punishment I feel like and because Scrooge had learned to become compassionate and empathetic and apologize from his heart. This is why Justice slid in his favor. Justice isn’t just about punishment. And in a way he was responsible for certain things but honestly.. the creation of his villains seems rather shaky. As Louie said..it doesn’t hold weight because quite a few were already bad from the start. The question about this is did Scrooge create his villains? No. No one can create villains on their own. Magica, Glomgold and Ma were all nurturing the darkness within their own hearts. They weren’t forced to make the decision to become villains by someone else. It’s not so black and white and there could be millions of others perceptions that differ than my own. But this is how I personally feel because creating and growing the darkness like that within you is part of your own struggle. Others can help it along with certain actions but ultimately its you and you alone that makes that decision to cross a line.

Now.. Ducktales won’t delve so deeply into that like I did. But that’s what I got from it. I think what Justice did was right because Scrooge isn’t the same man who did those things and punishing him now would really do nothing to change anything. Actions do speak louder than words and I am sad we don’t see more of Magica and Poe. Because I feel that is a path worth exploring with Scrooge especially. He may try to find Poe to make amends to Magica. I would love to see a plot like that. I just wanted more Poe in general lol. Who is excited for the final episode? I’m half dreading it.. half excited.. I’m sooo worried for Webby...I may or may not think about starting another fanfic (I know I know.. I have like two? three? I need to finish but omg) I’m soooo sad to see this series go..and I’ll be even sadder for those in the fandom who will move on. I’ll probably stick around for quite a while yet. I do want to finish..but I’ve been struggling myself lately with things so it’s kinda a long road at this point.

Anyways, talk to everyone later ^^

[world-of-ryan]

When COVID-19 shut down production last March, it especially hit hard for NBC’s New Amsterdam. The show not only films at several real-life hospitals, including Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan, Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn and Metropolitan Hospital in Harlem, but it also had a pandemic storyline planned. Of course, not the coronavirus specifically.

“There was so much fear and anxiety at that time around the pandemic, we didn’t want to air an episode where people were getting sick left and right and further scare people,” says series star Ryan Eggold, who plays medical director Dr. Max Goodwin, in this exclusive interview.

But New Amsterdam will touch on the COVID-19 pandemic in its Season 3 premiere. It will feature a very powerful montage showing the doctors and nurses at work trying to save lives, working until they are exhausted, showing people getting vaccinated, and then moving into post-pandemic stories.

“Working on a hospital show, post-pandemic, our first responsibility is to tell the stories of the nurses and doctors who have worked so tirelessly to try to keep people safe and healthy,” Eggold continues. “Peter Horton directed that episode. And I think his and [executive producer] David [Schulner]’s intention was to honor the healthcare workers and what they’ve been through and start in that place of, this has been Ground Zero of fighting the pandemic, and it has taken its toll on everybody.”

From there, the story continues with Dr. Vijay Kapour’s (Anupam Kher) life hanging in the balance due to COVID, Dr. Helen Sharpe (Freema Agyeman) unable to touch people as a result of lingering anxieties, Dr. Iggy Frome (Tyler Labine) facing his eating disorder/body issues and Dr. Lauren Bloom (Janet Montgomery) unable to give up her patients to their special-care physicians.

“It’s kind of like that wartime mentality with soldiers coming back and having trouble adjusting to civilian life,” Eggold says. “These doctors were so overwhelmed with patients, not enough beds and trying to keep up. What are the ramifications on their personal life and their psyche? And how do they get back to the new normal?”

Also, viewers will get a long-awaited moment between Max and Helen. Expect some resolution regarding their feelings for each other, despite the fact that Helen has moved on with new head trauma surgeon Dr. Cassian Shin (Daniel Dae Kim).

“I will say that I think Max and Helen have a unique relationship that they are forced to confront this season and figure out what it means for better or for worse, and finally name what has been unspoken for a while,” Eggold adds.

For more scoop on season 3 of New Amsterdam, read more of the interview with Eggold.

How did the New Amsterdam pandemic episode compare to what actually happened?

I haven’t seen that episode because it didn’t air, which is usually how I see them, so I would be curious to know myself. It’s pretty wild. It’s happened to the writers a few times where they’ve written something and then it happens later. But nobody could have predicted COVID was going to happen.

I saw the first two episodes and it feels like a sadder show this year. Will that continue?

No. There’s a lot of humor. I was saying to David, “Is Max getting too broad?” There has been a lot of humor on the show lately, which is nice. I think it’s important to find humor and joy amid a pandemic because we have to remind ourselves what we’re fighting for. The intention is not to make it super heavy and sad, but certainly in the beginning to discuss it; it is a heavy, overwhelming, larger-than-life situation that we’ve all been through.

Max also seems to have lost his “How can I help?” attitude–which is what inspired him to take the job and kept him going when he lost his wife. Will he get that back?

Yeah. I think it’s evolved from how can I help, or how can I fix the system and make it better, to how do we begin again? And how do we build from the ground up because we weren’t prepared for this and it changed a lot of things. I think his perspective has widened in a good way and he will see things differently this season.

What will be the new challenges for Max this season?

One thing is he’s a single dad who is trying to get his hospital through this pandemic. And he has left his daughter Luna with [late wife] Georgia’s parents in an effort to protect her and keep her safe as he is going to the hospital every day. But I think there’s a lot of guilt like, “Am I doing the right thing? Am I being a bad father by not being there? Am I neglecting her?” So, that’s something that he wrestles with.

Then the question of romance. Is there a partner for him to find and is he ready to start a relationship with someone after losing his wife? In the back of his mind, I think it’s something he wants, not only for himself but for his daughter.

(Photo by: Virginia Sherwood/NBC)

There’s a moment where Max realizes that some of his great, crazy ideas aren’t always the right way to do things. Is he growing?

Absolutely. He’s a character who’s full of ambition to change things and to make things better. And he’s very headstrong and optimistic. He’s certainly overly idealistic about how to make those changes happen. The show is about finding out the reality of how that change happens. You have these lofty ideas of, “I want to make everything better, I want to do X, Y and Z,” and you can’t do that overnight, so what does it look like on a daily basis? How does change occur on a systemic level, which is certainly bigger than the individual?

To your point about admitting fault, I think he’s learning that he can’t do this on his own and he can’t change the world overnight and that you need other people. You can’t be a one-man band, so I think he’s going through a lot of change and evolving a lot.

What was it like filming in the hospital in March 2020?

Our last day of filming we were at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, and it was weird. People were starting to get nervous, “Should we be filming in a hospital?” We didn’t know a lot about it. Is this real? Is this really growing the way people say it’s going to grow? And very quickly, the world changed overnight.

It’s the right decision not to film in the hospital right now, not for our show, but to get out of the way of the hospitals and to let them function to the best of their capacity when there are so many serious things that need to be addressed. And, then for the show, to keep everybody safe, of course. But I hope we can get back to that once this pandemic is behind us because there’s always this wonderful authenticity to be found when we can shoot in those places because you are near the reality of healthcare so it helps you reflect that story.

Did it take New Amsterdam longer to come back because you had to change your filming locations?

We had to build a lot of sets. We had to build a lot of the hospital locations that we use, and we had to add more sets and locations we could film in. Then everybody was just making sure it was safe and making sure we had the practices and protocols in place to do our job, be safe and not put anybody at risk. To everyone’s credit, it feels really safe. We’re tested every day and we have a lot of protocols in place that keep the set running efficiently and safely. It’s a good place to be.

How did you handle the pandemic?

I look back and that was so much time that we had. I feel like I should have written a novel, climbed a mountain, or something. But, no, I slowly went crazy and did all the usual, like slept. I did do a fair amount of writing. I wrote a screenplay, trying to put my brain to work a little bit. I was in denial like, “This will only last a month of weird whatever.” Then a month goes by and you’re like, “I guess it’s still going.” Seven months go by and it was crazy. It was nice to slow down and catch up with family and unplug for a minute. I wish it had been under better circumstances and people’s lives weren’t at risk, but, yeah, there were some positives.

[nachohypno]

Nate and Dave Ch. 11

It’s been a while.

…Not a very long while, though. It was just a week ago or so when I lost my virginity to a werewolf. Who just happens to be my soulmate. And thus, has to obey everything I say.

Neat.

Getting up from my bed was always a hard task for me. And that sounded way sadder than I intended. Point is, school starts in like half an hour and I’m still not even up. I was, of course, doing this on purpose.

I’m not that eager to go to school, but it’s my responsibility and I respect that. I was just having a little experiment though.

The sound of an indistinguishable car parking in front of my house, some heavy footsteps later, a knock on my door. I had opened my window, so I could hear everything that went down as he opened the front door and ran up the stairs.

A few moments later, Dave the jock entered my room and closed the door behind him. “Why ya still in bed?”

Everything fell into place. “Bed gravity is killing me right now, barely want to move” I excused myself, but I did wonder if Dave knew that I was waiting for him to notice I didn’t answer his daily [Mornin, my love<3], and feigned being late to school to make him come over.

I mean, I didn’t intend on making him come over, I just wanted to see how he would react to it. Dave was usually pretty pending on what I’m doing, and wants to take part to make sure we spend lots of time together.

It’s cute and scary at the same time, things that happen when a werewolf just so happens to see you as their soulmate.

“Ditchin’ school? Is it just me or you suddenly become way more attractive?” He dropped his bag on the floor and pushed me against the wall to make room for himself, then climbed on the bed and lied down beside me.

“Wait, we’re not ditching school. I mean, it does sound good, but we still have to—” He interrupted me. Dave liked to do this when I’m about to bring something up that will probably ruin the moment, it was a good life-saver. He invaded my mouth with his tongue, while trying to remain as gentle as always.

I could tell that wasn’t an easy task for him, but he tried his best and it really showed.

Sadly, I had to pull him off. “Wait, we gotta head to class, I don’t want to be late and you’re doing great progress lately.”

“Huh, y’think so?” Dave mumbled, trying to get closer again but I gently pushed him back. I was tempted to just stay in bed and cuddle with him all morning, but if I wanted to help him become a better guy at the end, I should give the example too.

“I legit think Ms. Porter will cry with joy if you actually finish that book for her essay.” I replied, kissing his cheek before passing over him and leaving the bed.

I think I helped him a lot at school, not only with his shitty behavior but also with his studies. Dave wanted to be a good guy for me, because I didn’t trust him before with all his shitty hot-headed attitude.

…He still had it. But he tried to be nicer.

“Hmm… I’m up for it, that bitch’s made my last year a nightmare. Tryna make me do extra essays n’ stuff” I would let that slide, because everyone hated Ms. Porter. She did give everyone a lot of essays. I’m okay with it, I enjoy reading, but even those books aren’t that interesting.

Dave got up from my bed, and passed a hand over his hair. I noticed it was a bit brighter than usual. It wasn’t combed, but he seemed to have it stylized with gel to be a bit spikier, in contrast to his usually short, wavy and parted to the left style.

“Well… I didn’t even shower yet but—”

But the werewolf was already determined. “No shit, bro. We’re not going late, that’s what ya just said. C’mon, looking great already, as always” Dave grabbed my bag near my desk, placed it on my back before grabbing his own bag and my hand, pulling me out of my room.

“Hey, I can’t go to school in pajamas- Oh you know what, never mind, I’ve done this before.” I quickly changed my answer mid-speech. I sighed, ‘I’m supposed to be the one in control here and I’m being dragged out of my house. Let’s change that back’ I told myself.

“Dave, I order you to stop,” I said firmly, as we reached the living room. The jock obeyed without hesitation, freezing in place. I couldn’t see his face right now, but I assumed his eyes were a bit zoned out, like they always get when I order him something. “And let go of my hand, if you may.” He obeyed that too, his arms falling to his sides as the werewolf waited for more orders.

Alright, let’s see.

I grabbed a yoghurt cereal bar from the fridge, that would make a good breakfast. I used my reflection at the microwave’s glass door to fix my hair as best as I could, before I decided to walk upstairs and finish the deal brushing my teeth and washing my face.

I checked my clock, we still had quite some time. At least 17 minutes until the first class *actually* started.

I changed my tee into something less pajama-y and my pants for some jeans. Now I was looking appropriate for school, the last thing I needed was being sent to the counselor’s office for having a sudden “Lazy day”.

Believe me, it happened before and it could happen again.

Walking back downstairs while biting a big chunk of the cereal bar, Dave was still frozen in place. I could take a good look at him now, and I liked the view.

The big football player had, as I expected, zoned out eyes and a bit of a dumb smile. He wasn’t wearing the bowser collar I got him, which made sense because we were about to enter school.

A lumberjack buttoned shirt that seemed to cling pretty well to his muscular body, a tank top underneath, and some black joggers. I took a moment to unbutton the top button of his shirt, so his pecs would be a bit more visible. It gave him a cuter look, while also being like “Yo, I’m really muscled”. I chuckled at the little impersonation I just imagined.

“So, uh… you can wake up, I think?” I was still a bit unsure of how this all ‘I control your mind and body’ thing worked, but I was getting the hang of it pretty well!

The zoned out jock blinked a few times before starting to move again. “Oh, hey bro. When did you change clothes? You look stunning as always, huh.” He mumbled, before leaning in to give me a kiss and walking out of the house with a big smile.

He really didn’t care if I controlled him or anything, he would just roll with it. I was sure he actually enjoyed it, he always looks excited when I suggest he do something. Ordering him to do something may just trigger his puppy boy side to make sure I’m happy, maybe? It’s just a theory without any fundamentals.

It’s not like there’s a book about werewolves anyway. Not that I know of, I guess.

Beep! Beeeeeeep!

Dave was now using the car’s horn to make me hurry. I grabbed my bag again and walked out, joining him at his car and receiving yet another amazing kiss.

“I’m sorta sad when we have different classes,” He started, as he drove away from my house and towards the school. He was trying to hurry, but while maintaining the basic driving security measures. Guess the big guy wants to be a responsible driver, huh. “That means less time admiring your handsome face, my love”.

“Aaaand, more time to focus on your studies. You know that I get really proud when you study like a good puppy boy, don’t you?” I was about to caress the back of his ear, but that would have been dangerous. He shouldn’t zone out while driving.

“Yessuh, I’m a good puppy boy!” He beamed up, but remained focus on the road. A few minutes later, we were arriving at the almost-empty parking lot. Dave pulled over and turned off the engine, before pulling me in for one last kiss. This one was particularly longer than the former ones, I loved it.

“A lil’ present, don’t know how I’m gonna survive these shitty classes without you…” He leaned in towards my shoulder, laying on it. I did what I intended to before and caressed his good spot behind his ear. The big guy started panting, tongue lolling out.

“C’mon,” I said, checking my phone with my free hand and stopping the sweet moment. “We’ve got a few minutes left. Gotta go in, puppy boy.” His eyes seemed sad, but he nodded.

Dave grabbed his bag and left the car, and I followed suit.

We hurried to the main building, and I noticed that Dave seemed hesitant about something. His hand was almost touching mine as we walked, but he made sure it was several centimeters apart so nobody would suspect anything.

I always wondered if it was hard for him to keep himself apart from me. I definitely didn’t mind, but we still had things to work out if we wanted this to really end up well.

…Dave hates when I imply that we’re two guys in a relationship, when he’s the one that brought it up and asked me to be his boyfriend. He’s still pretty homophobic, yeah, but he works around it pretty well.

Still considering himself straight isn’t bad, I guess. I’m more worried about the other targets he used to torment. While he’s not a bully anymore, he also wouldn’t lift a finger to stop something from happening right in front of him, except if I’m the one in danger.

It’s not like I want him to be a superhero, and I do find his ‘mean jock’ attitude kind of attractive, (When it doesn’t terrify me, of course.)

“Just before we enter, let me remind ya that you’re the best guy in the universe, my soulmate…” He wanted to lean in for a kiss, but quickly got back on my feet and blushed.

“Good luck today, big guy” I tiptoed and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Love you too, by the way.”

Before he could react though and pull me in for a make out session at the school’s gates, I entered the building and headed to my locker. The disappointed but infatuated jock followed behind me, and went to his own locker.

Everyone seemed to be already going to their classes, so I guess I was still safe.

My first class was advanced math, and while it wasn’t that difficult, it wasn’t ideal either.

All the seats were taken already, except the one next to one of my two best friends. Sadly, Dick wasn’t in this class, and Sam didn’t seem happy to see me.

“Coming late to school? That’s a new thing.” He greeted me, as I sat down and took my stuff out of the bag.

“I like to think that I’m not late if the professor hasn’t arrived yet” Speaking of which, I noticed the guy was actually arriving late today. It was like 10 minutes past the class’ start. “Uh… did I miss a text or something? This one’s never late, huh.”

 “No no, don’t summon him just yet. We can fast-forward to a later meeting so we can all go home earlier. That sounds good, yeah” Poor guy, he’s speaking with himself now.

Sam had been elected last year as our council’s president, with a lot of effort and dealing with each of the “cliques” around school.

...And it seemed to be worse than he planned it out to be. You see, one of his promises to get the jocks’ votes was to increase the budget for the sports teams, which included the cheerleaders in the bandwagon.

That sounds cool, but in reality they already had more than enough budget dedicated to them, so we had to start raising funds for future events, or the sports team would eat it all.

Parents with their “bring and sell food for the school” events helped quite a lot, I’ve never been happier to see a random mother bring a plate full of nachos and hot dogs to sell at school.

“So, I’m supposed to ask the whole council about this, but I’d like to lay out my options first…” Sam took The Mighty Notebook from his bag and placed it on the middle of the table, pushing my things aside. ‘How rude!’ I thought, but didn’t give it too much importance.

“A sexy car wash is-” “Out of the question” I interrupted him “This isn’t a teen tv show. We can’t sexualize our football players.”

“Well, you can, you just don’t want to. Anyway… Cake sale?” My friend took a pen and crossed out the ‘sexy car wash’ option.

“People’ll get tired of it if we keep doing those. Parents already sell food at sports games and they’re not exactly rare to see, we have one almost every two weeks.” I hated being the party pooper, but if it helped him pick the right choices… “It can be done, but we can rehash that idea too many times. That’s what I mean.”

“Oooookay” He didn’t cross that one out, but instead added a big “(?)” next to it. “Last one I thought about, for now, was a winter’s ball kind of thing. Selling tickets for prom is apparently a great way to raise funds, but I’m not waiting until the end of the school year for that.”

“We’d need the principal’s permission for that but… you should discuss that one with the cheerleaders, they’ll love the idea. The more ‘prom nights’ there are, the merrier for them, huh?” This time, he made a tick next to the option, like it was validated for the meeting later.

“I wish we could do something like the drama club and just put up a lame production and sell overpriced tickets… Parents would pay anything to see their sons, right?”

“Uh, I guess so. They would probably be pretty mad if we fucked up the show, so let’s leave that one out.” Sam seemed a bit tired. I could maybe ask Dave for a little help with this whole thing, he would know what to do.

Hmm… or maybe, Dave’s ex-girlfriend?

“You should talk with Leslie.” I gave Sam a little tap on the shoulder and pointed at the girl a few rows at the back. She hadn’t noticed us, but she was really nice and tried her best to get to know me. We even sat together, like once! “Pretty sure she’d have some cool ideas that don’t sound taken from a bad movie.”

“You think so?” He took a moment to breath, relaxing on his chair. I honestly wanted to help, but I’ve never wanted to be his secretary because I’m not good with coming up with this kind of stuff. Pretty sure anybody could do a better job than me in that area. “I’ll try to catch her in the corridor. Just… don’t stare and be cool, right? I don’t wanna come off as a perv, geez. We also have this party tonight, so could I maybe approach her there? I dunno...”

The professor made his way in, with an angry look on his face. We straightened on our seats to avoid getting his attention, I don’t want to be called out by some asshole in a mood. To finish with our council chatter, I whispered to Sam a “I’m sure you’ll do fine, she’s not the devil, right?”

He chuckled a bit before answering “Don’t let Dick hear you, I kinda think he has a crush on one of those chicks.” I rolled my eyes, such a cheap gossip.

-------

If I told you that nothing else interesting happened during the day, I wouldn’t be lying. 

I barely got to see Dave, just had lunch with him at the yard’s lunch tables before being separated again. He ditched football practice, and I did the same with today’s council reunion because I had a headache.

I got into an argument with a professor, too. The first class in the day, but it wasn’t anything worth looking into. He thought he was right, and he was too mad to check he wasn’t right at all. Almost got sent to the principal’s office, but I dropped the subject just in time.

I did share a classroom with Dave for the second class but… we got separated by Sam’s need to plan out his next meeting. You see why I ditched the reunion today? I wanted to rest!

Lucky me, my savior was just a few tables away, and knew exactly what I needed.

He waited for me to put my stuff back at my locker after our last class ended, and took me to his car.

I first thought he was just driving me to my house, since we didn’t speak about him staying at all, but there were no questions asked apparently. The big guy decided to give me a good time, as he pulled over in front of my house, walked around the car and lifted me on his arms.

I felt like a little brat, but it also felt amazing. Having someone who cares about you on such a deep level, like Dave does… I love it. I love him. And he loves me.

The jock opened the door with one of his hands, kicked it shut and took me to my room.

There, he softly left me on my bed before putting a strip show in front of me. Or I wasn’t really sure what that was. He just threw his shirt and jeans over to my desk chair and started searching through his school bag.

The silence was a bit boring, but I felt like talking was unnecessary right now. I just wanted to know what he was planning for the evening. He pulled out the bowser collar, huh.

“Never leave the house without it, bruh” Dave said.  “What’ya waiting for? Get on your underwear, we’re doing some great cuddling t’night!”

“Uh, okay. I like where this is going...” I mumbled, before starting my own strip show. Sadly, Dave barely paid attention to me, he was trying to put on the collar by himself, but he was having some trouble.

Before dropping my pants, I walked over to him and clasped the buckle for him, tightening it enough so it wouldn’t fall off but also trying to make it comfortable for him to wear. “Hmm… Perfect, my love…” He whispered in a sexy voice, before planting a warm kiss on my lips. 

I thought we were starting already, but the big guy started to run towards my bed and lied down with his arms reaching out for me. “C’mooooon, can’t wait for youuuuuu!”

I rolled my eyes and dropped my pants. Still in my underwear, just like the werewolf jock, I walked over to my bed and got grabbed by my boyfriend there.

Laying down on bed as Dave pulled me closer to his warm, almost-smooth body.

The bowser dog collar around his neck wasn’t sharp enough to hurt me, so I didn’t worry about that and just let myself be grabbed by this hunk of a jock.

“Enjoyed your day, my love?” He asked, looking at me with adoring eyes. It wasn’t creepy, I liked it. He barely acts like this at school, so his change of ‘big meanie alpha bro’ to ‘lovesick puppy boy’ was amazing to see.

“Ugh… I almost fell asleep at Mr. Cal’s class. So glad it’s Friday again…” I mumbled my answer. I tried to avoid mentioning the argument with my professor, but I’m pretty sure my class mentioned it already. Dave was pretty straightforward though, so he would probably mention it if he wanted to.

I know that I could easily not be tired if I would go to bed earlier at night, but those monsters are not going to hunt themselves in Monster Hunter, right?

“Wouldn’t mind spending all weekend just hugging you here…” Dave whispered, before placing a gentle kiss on my head. His hand was moving towards my private area, but I wasn’t going to stop him. I liked how it felt. “Just taking care of my lovely soulmate…” Another kiss, this time moving closer to my mouth.

When it comes to sexy stuff… I suck. Like, not in the literal hot way, I’m lame at it. I don’t like bottoming much, because I’m a bit of a wimp and I’m afraid of being hurt, but having Dave as a top is such a wonderful thing (After you go past that little pain at the beginning, the rest of the thing goes in like nothing) probably because he focuses too much on me having the most pleasure out of it.

So, I usually let Dave take control of the situation and just guide me wherever he wants to go. It’s not like we fuck every day though; I’ve only had my first time like a week ago. My werewolf jock would be up for it if I ordered him to, not going to lie.

But like, if we did that, it would kind of lose the magic of the moment? Like, I know Dave loves sex but even if it feels good the two times we’ve done it so far, it’s not like it’s a game-changer or anything.

So… cuddling and foreplay was the best thing ever!

“That’s sweet but don’t you have a party tonight? Sam has been talking all week about a—” I got silenced, the kiss was now happening at my mouth, cool. That’s what I get for trying to ruin such a good moment, I’m glad Dave stopped me.

His hand slipped in my underwear as he took hold of my cock and slowly stroked it. Meanwhile, we made out without a care in the world.

My breath got heavier. I felt so good at the moment, and Dave seemed to want me to stay like that for a good while. He would slow down the pace of his strokes or pick it up at just the right times.

…I had an idea.

I passed my hand through his hair as we broke the kiss, and he just looked at me in bliss. “Who’s a good puppy boy? You are, don’t you?” I whispered the question, to get him in his puppy mood.

It worked like a charm. Dave’s strokes slowed down a bit, as he started caressing himself with my hand, like a dog would do. “Yeah, bruh… Imma good puppy boy”

I ruffled his hair a bit more. “And every good puppy boy needs a good owner to take care of them, right?”

Okay, it may seem like I’m trying to do something weird or kinky here, but I actually wanted to try and make him a bit less… self-centered? I already had full control of him, due to our soulmate bond, but maybe if he saw me as a superior… He wouldn’t be so careless about others? Like he’s not at the top of the pyramid anymore?

But it didn’t work as intended, or at least not as I expected. Dave shook his head, without losing his chilled and happy expression. “Good puppy boys take care of their owners, bruh. Wanna protect and serve mine to make ‘im happy.”

It definitely wasn’t what I wanted to say, but it worked pretty well. “Who’s the owner though, puppy boy?”

“Really need me to say it?” The werewolf jock seemed a bit embarrassed to give his answer, as his cheeks turned red and he stared at me very intently. I nodded, of course. I came this far already, what I’m going to say? ‘Oh, no, I was just messing with you hahahaha well good night!’ “You’re my owner, bruh. Didn’t ya know that already? I love doing as you say…”

He leaned in for a good kiss. “…And I love you, my lovely soulmate.” He finished. Now I was the one who blushed. After that, the jock lied down beside me and pulled me to cuddle together. “Now come here, I need to make my owner feel good”

It did feel good to hear that I’m his owner. Oh geez, do I have a domination kink? Uh… I think that kind of explains why I love seeing him wearing that bowser collar, beside that it makes fun of the fact that he’s a werewolf.

He’s my good puppy boy, after all. “So, how are you going to make your owner feel good, puppy boy?” I roamed his big chest with my hands as I waited for an answer. I don’t feel like I say this enough, but I’m lucky to have this guy as my soulmate.

Dave raised an eyebrow, and spoke with a confident tone, but still curious. “What does my owner want me to do? This puppy boy will take care of it, whatever it is, huhuh”

Ooookay, if my cock was hard before, then it was aching right now with how horny I was. “Truth is, been a while since we’ve had some… action?” Oh god, I felt so dumb saying something like that. I think Dave would have laughed at me, but he actually seemed turned on by what I was implying.

“Fuck, been wanting to hear you say those words in like a week.” He kneeled on top of the bed, after pulling his underwear off. His cock was hard, as usual. I wonder if he jerks off at his house or if he’s just eager like a big horny werewolf. Speaking of his cock, Dave placed himself in such a way that his cock would be right in front of me. “C’mon bruh, show me how those lips work-”

“I was actually expecting you to suck mine off… Never did this before” If I felt dumb before, imagine how I was now. Dave seemed to try and find a solution, though.

“So, uh… never 69’d before?” I shook my head, and he let out a little sigh, but never stopped smiling. He was just a soft marshmallow when we were alone, I liked that about him. “Let me show ya”

I remained lying down, as Dave did all the work. He crawled over to my cock, got on top of my body and moved until his cock was on my face and mine was near his. The jock licked the top, giving me a little jolt of pleasure, like a little preview of what was about to come.

“Just… relax, and open wide. Not everyone can take my snake during their first time, heh” It made me wonder how many times he did this before. Or how many times did he had sex before. 

I leaned forward and smelled his dong. It wasn’t bad, so I proceeded to take the piece of meat in my mouth. It didn’t taste bad at all, it was actually pleasant. I wiggled my tongue around the tip, and I could hear the big guy starting to pant already before he dove in for my cock.

‘Hell yeaaaaah’ I thought, before focusing on my own part of the job. It was a bit hard to do due to the position, but it was doable, at least. I wasn’t able to deep throat (Not that I’ve ever done that before, saw it in porn and uh… it would be nice to try out?) due to the position, too.

“You’re doing great, my love…” Dave pulled off for a second to say, before going back to the action. I felt compelled to order him something, just like the first time he gave me a blowjob. It was always so hot, looking at him doing as I said…

“Uh… hey Dave, could you take it all in and work around that?” I ordered him, way calmer than this morning. It still seemed to work, because he took my whole shaft in one go and I could feel the motion of his mouth going up and down, taking it all every time. It felt really good, but I had to return the favor.

I tried to pick up my pace too, to make him feel as good as I was. I know that I can’t possibly compete with a werewolf under the soulmate bond, he would definitely… uhhh. “I’m coming!” I warned him, but he didn’t move an inch.

The big guy took my whole load, and licked the rest of my shaft with his tongue to avoid letting a drop of my cum go to waste.

And now, it was my turn…

Dave had this order still on him. “You will cum only after I cum.” Not saying that he’s precocious but… he does seem to cum right after I’ve been pleased. Maybe he finds that hot already?

My train of thoughts was derailed by the sudden explosion of cum in my mouth. It activated my gag reflex, so I pulled off and just swallowed the one that was already in my mouth. Part of my mind found it hot, while the other found it a bit gross.

Dave was still at 69 position. I looked over at his face and he seemed to be back in obedient puppy mode. Tongue lolling out, and eyes glazed over. It was a hot sight.

“C’mon big guy, did a great job down there. Let’s just cuddle for a while, alright?” I told him, wanting to cover myself so badly. I felt a bit naked without a sheet over myself. Luckily, none of our loads fell in my bed, or I would have to change the sheets.

“Yeah, bruh…” He mumbled, before doing as I told him. He repositioned himself next to me, and lied down. His muscled body was an amazing sight, and I pulled him in for a hug.

“Who’s a good puppy boy?” I whispered, loving the feel of his warm skin against mine.

“I am, bruh. I’m a good puppy boy for my owner… huhuh…” A dopey smile appeared on his face, and I proceeded to plant a kiss on him. I wanted to write down today’s progressions or something, I still had that ‘study Dave’s behavior’ on my mind. But it seemed kind of clouded now that I was focused on taking a little break with him beside me.

It was always good to spend a good time with my lovely werewolf jock.

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[universe-n-3276]

Carrying the Moon

Chapter 14

Sander was pretty nervous, although he shouldn't have been. He had made that decision a very long time ago, and he was just waiting for the right moment to put it into action. That wasn't the kind of emotion he expected to feel that morning. Happiness, excitement, those were the things he had expected.

On the way to the cafeteria, where he had asked Lucas to meet, he told himself that what he was feeling was not about the thing itself, but about having to tell someone for the first time.

At times like that, he found himself hating the situation with Charlotte a little bit more. He w anted to tell her first because he wouldn't felt so nervous. But sadly the relationship between him and his sister was non-existent at the time, so the next one on the list had been his best friend.

Sander walked into the cafeteria and ordered a decaf for himself, a chocolate with a lot of whipped cream on top for Lucas, and sat down to wait for him. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long because, even though his best friend had a billion flaws, he was rarely late.

"Thanks for meeting me here."

"Wow, so formal."

He said, grabbing his chocolate as Gollum would have done with the ring. Maybe he should have ordered a piece of pie as well, just to make sure to put him in a good mood, thanks to the sugar overload.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Yeah, I can see that. What's up?"

"I don't even know w here to start."

Lucas gave up on his attempts to remove the lid from his cup, and took Sander's hand on the coffee table, squeezing it in his own. He looked up to meet his gaze.

There was something in Lucas's eyes that could scare you. It was like looking straight into the raging sea, and it was exactly what Sander expected his best friend’s soul to look like. Untamable, but somehow it had the power to calm people down. To steal their thoughts and make them their own.

"Sander, I might act like an idiot all the time, but you know you can talk to me."

"It's just. I don't feel like Robbe's my boyfriend anymore. It's weird when I introduce him to someone and I call him like that."

The boy who had finally managed to open the lid, bury a finger into the whipped cream, and then put it into his mouth, remained still for a moment, at other’s words, trying to understand if what he had just heard was correct.

"What the fuck? Do you wanna break up with him?"

"What? No! The opposite!"

"The op- oh my goodness!"

"Yeah! We’re raising a child together, but it’s not just about Hero. It seems right, you know? He’s the one, and I knew it since the beginning of our relationship, but now, if I’m not home, I can’t wait to see him again, tell him about my day, and hear about his. I feel completely myself around him. His presence is so soothing for me. I just wanna be like this for the rest of my life. I'm ready and I hope he's too."

Lucas had given up on his chocolate, which Sander considered a n honor , and was listening to his best friend with a dreamy expression on his face.

"I think I wanna marry Jens."

"Oh my god! Don't try to steal my moment! Do you think this is the right time, though? Everything is still a mess. We’re about to graduate, and I don’t even know what I’m gonna do after that. I don't have a job, and the situation with Hero and Charlotte is still complicated."

"But you're sure of Robbe, right?"

"He's the only thing I'm sure of in my life right now."

" So do it. Ask him."

Sander nodded, suddenly much more confident than when he woke up the same morning and less nervous than when he walked into the cafeteria. Sometimes he forgot how well Lucas knew him. He smiled because he was no longer able to contain his happiness and stole some of the whipped cream from Lucas's cup.

"I'm so excited."

"Me too! Are we gonna buy him a ring?"

"I'm gonna buy him a ring."

"Yes, but I'm helping you, so..."

"I bet Hero would sound just like you."

"I take it as a compliment."

"Shut up and let's go. I already saw something I like."

"But I didn't finish my chocolate!"

"Okay, we can stay a little longer, then. I'm getting some cake for both of us, I want to celebrate!"

And with a lighter soul, Sander got up from his chair , ready for his sugar’s overdose, and to face one of the days he would remember for the rest of his life.

When Charlotte's face appeared on the screen, Lucas couldn't help but smile. She was sticking her fork into a bowl of salad, probably trying to avoid what she didn't like.

Her dark blonde hair covered her face for a moment, but she quickly tucked it behind her ear, suddenly looking up at the screen. The girl smiled, waving the hand in which she was holding the fork.

"Hi, Luc!"

"Hi, baby!"

"What's up?"

"I had my last exam today!"

She clapped her hands, showing a warm smile that was the Driesen family’s signature. They were able to make you feel loved and appreciated by just smiling at you, even from miles away and through a screen. Lucas missed Charlotte so deeply, that sometimes he just wanted to hug his laptop to try to feel some of her warmth.

"Oh my goodness, congrats! When are you gonna graduate?"

"In two weeks."

"I wish I could come. Really. I miss you so much."

"Ow. Don't be sad, baby Lot. How are you?"

She shrugged, looking down at her salad, putting the fork back in it. Her mood had changed so quickly and so easily, a s if she was just waiting for the right moment to bring the matter up.

"I don't know. I'm happy here, but- I miss my brother."

There it was, Charlotte's weak spot. It had always been him, even though she hadn't even wanted to hear anything about him for nearly a year. Their bond was impossible to break. Not because they were twins, but simply because they were Sander and Charlotte. They had been attached at the hip for 23 years.

"Talk to him."

"I don't know. It's weird. "

"Why?"

She fell silent for a moment. Lucas knew what Charlotte was about to say, and he was afraid of opening that Pandora Box. He didn't want to plant that seed in the girl's head, because if things went wrong, it would be his fault.

"Because of the baby. I don't wanna be a mother. I know I don't want to! But what if I see him, something change, and then I regret everything?"

"Charlotte, I think it's too late to regret something. The baby already has two loving parents."

"That’s why I don’t wanna talk to him or come back. I don't wanna put myself or him in that situation, I don't wanna make a mess."

"I get it."

They both sighed, looking at each other through the screen. Lucas wanted to tell her that no, she couldn't come back thinking of taking Hero from his parents, because he no longer belonged to her and maybe he never did. It wasn’t in the Universe’s plans for Charlotte to become a mother. Hero had always been predestined to be Sander and Robbe’s baby.

But Lucas said nothing. He remained silent waiting for the girl to speak again.

"Does he like being a dad?"

"Yeah, he loves it. I've never seen him happier."

"I wish I could see it."

"And also Robbe! He's so in love with Hero!"

It was the first time they talked so openly about that topic. Charlotte had never asked anything, but at that moment she seemed a little bit more convinced of the choice she had made, simply because, in that way, she had made happy, two of the people she cared most in the world.

"Hero... it's such a cute name. Wait! Are Robbe and Sander back together?"

"Yes! They are! And your brother wanna ask him to marry him. He already bought a ring."

"What? Lucas! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? "

"I thought you didn’t wanna know."

"I didn’t, but I guess I was wrong. Gosh! I'm studying to become a therapist and I don't even know

how I feel! I'm the worst!"

Charlotte ran her fingers through her hair, rolling her eyes in frustration. She put her salad aside and crossed her legs on the chair because she couldn't sit in the same position for more than five seconds.

"You're not, shut up! You're a natural! Remember how many times you helped me to figure out how I was feeling?"

"Yeah, but it's different with you. I know you like the back of my hands."

"You know me better than Jens."

"How's Jens?"

"He's good, but I still don't know how he manages to put up with me. I'm such a pain in the ass lately."

"Lately?"

She asked, raising her eyebrow, looking at Lucas with a half-smile on her lips. Fuck, he missed her. The way she spoke her mind without judging. Charlotte was able to make everyone feel understood and safe because she was always ready to help.

"I'm being serious! I'm scared he's gonna get tired of my stupid attitude. He makes me wanna be a better person, but I often end up acting like a jerk."

"Luc, first of all, Jens is madly in love with you, so don't worry. But if you really wanna be a better person, I’ll tell you what to do: breathe. Your biggest flaw is that you're impulsive! You act out of your emotions. Sometimes when you want to scream at his face, you just need to take a deep breath to ground yourself."

"You're right."

" And, Luc. Just chill."

They both burst out laughing, but Lucas vowed to try to follow Charlotte's advice. She had never been wrong before.

"They are teaching you well, down there in Sydney, huh?"

"They’re not that bad, but Luc, I've to go now, it’ s getting late."

"Okay, bye baby, love you."

"Love you too."

The moment they end ed up their video-call, Jens opened the front door. Lucas closed his laptop and got up quickly to greet him, determined to follow the advice that Charlotte had just given him. He wanted to be the person he was, before his stressful life turned him into a bundle of nerves, always ready to shoot at the wrong moments, to those who didn't deserve it at all.

"Hey."

"Come here."

Lucas opened his arms and squeezed Jens, pressing his lips against his. The boy was surprised by that sudden gesture and didn’t react right away , as he was no longer used to his boyfriend’s display of affection. That reaction was immediately noticed by Lucas, but he didn’t say anything, although he felt a little sadder than before.

"I missed you so much."

"Why are you being so sweet? You're creeping me out."

"What? I'm always sweet to you."

Jens kicked off his shoes near the door and headed to their bedroom, followed by Lucas.

"You used to. Now you're only sweet when you're super drunk or tired and when we fuck."

" When we fuck . And I'm the one who's never sweet."

"When we make love. Sounds better?"

"Yeah, yeah. It does actually."

"You're being weird."

Lucas sat on the bed, watching his boyfriend's every move, as he was taking off his clothes, probably to take a shower. He wasn't immune to the summer heat either. His skin was sheered by a thin layer of sweat, and his hair was a mess, but he still looked like a daydream.

"Jens."

"What?"

He didn’t know whether to bring that matter up or not, but he felt he had to, even if he was afraid. Lucas hoped he could make things right, even if Jens didn't seem in his usual relaxed mood.

"I'm sorry if I had been a shitty boyfriend lately."

"Are you sick? I'm calling the doctor."

"C'mon! I'm being serious."

"Okay. Sorry. Let's talk."

Jens sat next to him on the bed, but he didn't try to touch him in any way, and Lucas noticed that too, of course. He knew his boyfriend’s manner, and that evening, it was as if he weren’t himself, or perhaps he had been like that for a long time, but Lucas’s stupid self-centered behavior had prevented him from noticing it. He began to fear, that the evening would turn out very differently than he had expected. His hands were shaking, and he hid them under his legs. He didn't want to be seen as weak, but he couldn't help but think, that, his Jens, not the one in front of him, would have noticed it anyway.

"We're not together only because we're used to be in a relationship, right?"

"It kind of feels like it sometimes."

"And why you didn’t tell anything?"

"Because you had a lot going on and I didn’t want to be a burden for you, so I just let things flow until they got to this point."

"What point, Jens?"

"Luc, I love you, but- I don't even know what it is, but it shouldn't be a  but  after that."

"No, it shouldn't be."

He closed his eyes because he wanted to cry, he couldn’t believe what was happening, but he deserved it. He had made him feel, as if the person he loved the most in the world, had been replaced by a clone that only looked like him.

Lucas hadn’t fallen in love with Jens for his appearance, but for his kindness, the attention he always had for him, his love, his sweetness. All those things were gone now, there was just that guy in front of him, who was a stranger.

"Jens, I had been a shitty boyfriend to you, and I wanted to fix things up. I wanted to kiss you and say that I’m sorry, but I know you, and I’m realizing just now, like the clueless idiot that I am, that it’s probably too late."

"You're not an idiot."

"But it's too late."

"I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Luc, then you started to change and I tried to make things work for both of us, but now I'm tired, and I don't know if I wanna do this anymore."

"Okay."

The room fell silent, and it was so heavy that neither of them dared to carry on the conversation. There was only one way it could end. Lucas felt his heart pounding in his chest and he wanted to cry and scream all his pain to Jens, but he had promised Charlotte not to let his emotions take over. Thus, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, trying to calm down, and he was about to succeed when the other found the courage to speak again.

"I think we should break up."

Lucas stood up without adding a word, and left the bedroom, going to the front door. He quickly put on his shoes, took the keys of his bike’s lock, and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

It was movie night at the Driesen-Ijzermans house, and this time it was Sander's turn to choose what to watch, which always turned into torture.

Robbe sometimes thought, his boyfriend choose only long and boring film s on purpose, just to test his patience, and their relationship was well beyond the stage where one pretends to be interested in everything the other likes, just to impress him.

The only good thing about that evening was being able to snuggle up with Sander on the couch.

"This movie is so fucking boring."

"It's a classic!"

"It's a black and white movie in Russian with German subtitles, Sander."

"So?"

"I don't speak Russian or German and neither do you."

"It's not about what they say, baby."

"Sander, I swear to god, if you start again with the aesthetic thing!"

A notification appeared on Robbe's phone, and he silently thanked whoever was his savior.

"Oh my god!"

"What?"

"I think Lucas wanna ask Jens to marry him!"

"Excuse me?"

"Jens just told me he found a ring in one of Lucas' drawers."

"Wow!"

Sander paused the film, momentarily panicking. Jens had found the ring they had bought that morning for Robbe. The one Lucas should have kept safe until the right time came. Clearly, he had placed too much hope in his best friend’s abilities.

"So he didn’t tell you anything."

"No."

"Weird."

"Well. Maybe he knew, I would tell you straight away and you're Jens' best friend so...”

" Makes sense. I'm so happy for them, though! "

"Wait, he's calling. I have to get this."

He picked up the phone and got up from the couch, quickly leaving the room. He was furious with Lucas and hoped that the other had a valid explanation for what had just happened.

"Lucas, what the hell?"

"Hello? I'm one of the paramedics who helped Mr. Van der Heijden. Am I talking to one of his relatives?"

"I'm his best friend. What happened?"

"I can’t tell you the details, sir, but he had an accident, and we’re rushing him to the hospital. Can I have one of his family member's number?"

"I can give you his boyfriend's number."

"No, sorry, as I already tell you, it has to be a family member."

" Fuck, Jens is his family! They have been together for 7 years now!"

Sander raised his voice. He felt frustrated. That same situation could have happened to him and Robbe. Even though they were raising a child together, formally they weren't a family yet, and it broke his heart.

He felt his boyfriend's hands closing around his bicep. Robbe must have heard him raise his voice and got worried.

"Look, I'll call someone else."

"Okay, fine, I’ll give you his father’s number, but he doesn’t live here in Antwerp anymore."

"Thanks, and I’ll tell him to put you r and his boyfriend’s name on the visitor’s list, so you won’t have problems."

"Thanks."

He hung up the phone and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. His heart was in his throat. Anything could have happened. He looked Robbe in the eye with a completely lost look. He didn't even know where to start.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. They just told me Lucas had an accident, and they wanted his father's number."

"What? I just spoke to Jens and he didn’t tell me anything!"

"I think we should tell him, and go to the hospital."

"Yeah, I’ll call him. You call your mom and see if she can come here to stay with Hero."

He thanked the universe once again for having Robbe at his side. He knew how to stay calm in any situation and that was exactly what he needed. Before leaving, Robbe stroked his cheek, looking him in the eye s firmly.

"Sander, it's gonna be fine."

[previous] / [next]

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

ANGST KAZUMAJI ANON AND WOOF. FUCK. GOTTA LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS AFTER WORK. EXCITED. Your idea though OW. I haven't seen Y6 yet (I watch playthroughs don't have the console and my computer laughs at me trying to run the games) the streamer thats playing it finally got to Y6 and I am Refusing To Watch It. My heart can't take even starting the VOD.

You’re welcome for the music cc: 

A LOT of people haven’t seen 6 yet, so I did my best to get through that without spoilers ^^; Hope I haven’t ruined anything for you. And I feel that, my laptop and I have constant arguments and I’m not a good gamer anyway ^^; I should try Kiwami 1 someday though... I have it, I'm just Nervous about Being Bad ^^; 

Nice, following one streamer, well done c: I just hopped around to different playthroughs on youtube ^^; My wife and I binged all 7 games in I think 2 months, max. ^^; She crazy tho and a bad influence on me xp She likes to just sit and binge things and I am, understandably, weak for my wife <3 

6 isn’t so bad, I promise. You can do it c: It’s very pretty, you get to stare at Kiryu’s juicy ass the entire game, there’s lots of cute minigames of Kiryu with a baby, uh... *running out of nice things to say about 6* ...did I mention it’s very pretty? Fuck... Listen, I have... Feelings about game 6, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone ^^; Everyone’s allowed to experience things in their own time and form their own opinions and I don’t want to deprive anyone of that. Please watch it and when you see it, feel free to come tell me about it c: 

And as a reward for all that, another angsty idea: 

The Nishikiyama Opera! 

So I composed the entire thing on a car ride with my wife last week and it’s WILD. Y’all ever see opera? If you’ve never seen an opera you SHOULD, they’re fucking Great. Operas are all about being The Most, comedy or tragedy, they’re all horny as shit and everyone is extra as fuck. If you living for the drama, you HAVE to get your ass to an opera. I’m lucky enough to live somewhere with a relatively robust opera community. And anyway, my point is, The Nishikiyama story? RIPE for an opera adaptation! 

First, you gotta know some of the opera tropes. There are two categories of opera, comedies which are kinda rare and tragedies which is... constantly. And operas are pretty good at telling you almost immediately which one they will be. There’s also a lot of meta about the voice parts themselves: 

Soprano - heroine, ingenue, beautiful. Will win if this is a comedy, will die if this is a tragedy. 

Alto - mothers & witches. Not the heroine. Will probably die regardless of comedy or tragedy. Unless she’s the villain, then she lives in a tragedy. 

Tenor - hero. Given the sexiest parts to sing. Sometimes unbearable. Everything is about Him. 

Baritone/Bass - fathers & villains. Gorgeous voice, never utilized properly. 

Knowing the vocal parts and what they classically represent is key to knowing who will win and who will die in the opera. For example, in Carmen, Carmen is actually an alto, not a soprano, and Don Jose is a tenor. This immediately tells you that shit’s fucked. Tenors are supposed to fall in love with sopranos, never altos. So this story can only end in tragedy because he’s interested in the wrong kind of voice part. There’s even a counterpoint of a soprano who is madly in love with him, and the baritone toreador for Carmen. They’re given their proper voice partners, but Don Jose still pursues Carmen which is a ginormous mistake by operatic tropes. 

So, opera education over, picture this: 

ACT I  Kiryu (soprano) is the loveliest yakuza in all the land! He’s just delightful. The Chorus sings his praises and he demonstrates his impeccable fighting ability. (Forgot to mention, any opera worth its salt has a Chorus and I will die on this hill.) The Audience is assured of his might and grace. 

Kiryu, obviously, does not want for admirers, but has not chosen to court anyone formally. 

Here enters Kiryu’s brother, Nishiki (bass). The Chorus explains that Nishiki is second to his brother in strength, but is formidable in his own right. Nishiki explains to the audience how he longs for Kiryu, how he covets him, his strength, his beauty. How after a lifetime together, affection has turned to love. Nishiki must have him. 

Kiryu hears none of this. Nishiki approaches to make his case when Majima (tenor) sweeps onto the scene. Majima is brazen and glib. The Chorus tells us to beware his charming smile, he is as dangerous as he is flirtatious. Majima has heard of Kiryu’s reputation and calls him into the street to defend his title. Kiryu responds and they do battle. 

In the midst of the battle, Majima finds himself won over by Kiryu’s skill and grace, his kindness and strength. Majima is bursting with love and there and then makes a proposal to Kiryu, offering his whole heart. 

Kiryu is stunned. Majima is not a weak fighter, he is not a braggadocio, despite appearances. He was a real challenge and Kiryu was not expecting the fight to take this turn. He is so surprised he cannot make an answer and politely, but quickly, leaves. 

Nishiki has been watching the entire time and finds his heart gripped by jealousy. He plots to claim Kiryu for himself and hates Majima bitterly, despite the fact that Kiryu has given no answer. Nishiki believes he knows his brother too well not to know that Kiryu returns his affections even if he won’t say. Nishiki leaves, concocting a plan. 

We find Kiryu at his balcony, lamenting his situation. Majima may have been exciting, but Kiryu’s no fool. He has no proof that Majima’s feelings will not waver in time. Majima steals into the garden beneath Kiryu’s balcony and professes his love once more. 

Kiryu is startled and makes to flee, but Majima sings so sweetly, entreats so gently, that Kiryu is compelled to stay. Majima doesn’t even ask again, just sings of his feelings. Kiryu, in his heart, is wooed by this. He may have been ready to answer when Nishiki interrupts. Majima quickly hides in the foliage. 

Nishiki counters with his own confession, his own proposal. Kiryu is shocked and saddened. He begins to sadly tell his brother that he cannot accept. Nishiki flies into a rage, demanding if there is someone else, someone else Kiryu prefers. Kiryu hesitates, but answers honestly that he has always seen Nishiki as a brother, regardless of any other feelings. He cannot accept Nishiki on the grounds of their previous relationship. 

Nishiki was expecting this. He reveals a vial of poison and threatens to drink it unless Kiryu will marry him. Majima gasps. Kiryu pleads with Nishiki not to be rash, but Nishiki only demands his answer, the vial nearly at his lips. 

Kiryu swallows back tears and collapses to his knees. Sorrowfully, he agrees, unable to bear the responsibility of his brother’s death, and the act finishes to the sound of clamoring wedding bells. 

ACT II The lights come up on Kiryu and Nishiki in their home. Nishiki is pacing the floor and making increasingly outlandish suggestions for things to do. Kiryu says yes to all of them, gently and politely. Nishiki’s frustration and annoyance increases with every yes. Eventually he snaps at Kiryu, demanding why he won’t fight him, demanding why he will give no more reaction than a placid yes. Kiryu shrugs helplessly and tries to soothe his brother, but Nishiki won’t be soothed. 

They have been married less than a year and it has been like this the entire time, getting worse by the day. Nishiki can see the pain he’s causing his brother, but can’t stop himself. He loves him too greedily to stop. He departs, hoping to take his mind off things. 

Kiryu is left alone in the house and sings a longer, sadder version of his lament from the balcony. Distantly, we hear strains of Majima’s love song, now broken and echoing. 

The scene changes and we see Kiryu sat down in a busy cafe. At first we assume he’s alone, but people move and we can see he is sitting across from Majima. They do not touch. Their careful, polite space around each other is conspicuous. 

Kiryu is tired, he looks wan, almost sick. Majima sings heartbrokenly, telling Kiryu he needs to take care of himself. He is desperate to take Kiryu away from all this, and asks several times, but Kiryu always sighs and shakes his head no. Majima knows Kiryu will not break his word once given, he is too good and honorable for that. But he cannot help singing for him all the same. He cannot touch, he will not permit himself to touch, but he can sing. 

Kiryu eventually cannot take the heartache anymore and departs sorrowfully. Majima looks after him, just as sad. Nishiki is revealed to have been spying on them the entire time. He confronts Majima, furious and accusatory. He insists that he and Kiryu have been having an affair. Majima simply looks at him and shrugs. Nishiki screams for Majima to admit it, to admit that Kiryu loves him, has always loved him, this whole time. Majima only says that Nishiki knows Kiryu best. He will not confirm or deny anything Nishiki says. Shaken and stymied, Nishiki flees. 

We return to Kiryu’s balcony, where he sits, silent and pale. Nishiki storms in and begins to berate Kiryu with his accusations. He is half-mad now, not seeming to hear Kiryu’s denials. Kiryu professes over and over that only Nishiki is his husband, that he loves only Nishiki. Nishiki cannot accept this as true. Nishiki screams that Kiryu ought to ask him for a divorce. Kiryu cannot claim to want a divorce. He gave his word. Nishiki reveals that he had been watching them in the cafe, that he knows all, the secret contents of Kiryu’s heart. Kiryu manages some resistance at last and asks Nishiki for proof. What proof of his indiscretions? What proof of adultery? What has Kiryu done that has angered his husband-brother so? 

Nishiki has none. Kiryu has not done anything wrong, not in word, not in act. Whatever thoughts he might accuse Kiryu of having are ephemeral and will never be real. Still... Nishiki saw how they looked together and his heart was sore. He knows he has stolen Kiryu from what was rightfully his. Moved to regret, Nishiki withdraws the vial of poison again. 

Kiryu gasps and tries to prevent his brother. 

Nishiki swallows the poison quickly, insisting this will set things right, this will free his brother. He says he did it for love. He falls. 

Kiryu collapses next to him, sobbing. 

The final scene is Nishiki’s funeral. Kiryu kneels next to his brother’s grave, all in black. He sings of his regrets, of his sorrow. Majima stands close by, but still not touching. He does not look at the grave, only at Kiryu. His broken love song is the last thing we hear. 

The End. 

...this opera was a tragedy ^^; 

[yes-kassiopeia]

CALM lashton lyrics analysis

Here we go form C A L M lyrics analysis from a lashton point of view. Aka  another long as fuck post.

Few consideration first. I am really happy that all of the song are not love songs! That was a bit of a down point for me about YB and I’m really happy to see other theme in this album! Also, I think we can all agree that it’s an happier album than YB, and that’s good! I’m happy the boys feel in better place. 

Songs I won’t talk about too much about

There are very good songs that I don’t have much say about from a lashton perspective so I’ll just quickly pass them. 

Red desert. Great song, I love it, but not lashton song. It’s about going back to your roots, dive inside of yourself to find the core, the passion, and light it up. Like a phoenix rising from ashes. Let it rise in you and guide you further. Great message.

No shame. This one is a social and self critique of the way we seek for attention and fame. Very nice, but not a lashton song neither. 

Old me. A reflection on your past, owning your mistake and you strength as well. Learning lessons from the pass and find pride in your achievements. It is technically a lashton song. And I think it’s very cute that they wrote it together, but it doesn’t say much about their relationship. 

Wildflower. Such a bop! It’s the “valentine” of CALM, even surpasses it in my opinion. Feelgood, sexy, groovy, and all, but definitely not a lashton song. 

These were the happy song. All of the other song include darker, sadder feelings. And there are several ways to read them and I don’t predent to have the right way by any mean. But if you believe that Lierra is the perfect happy couple (”my parents” “goals” etc.) ... You’re probably closing your eyes on one or two things... 

Easier

As much as I looks like lyrics 5sos could have written, none of them are credited... And I had to double check that, because I though Luke has said multiple time that they, or at least, himself was involve in the writing of Easier. And I could definitely see that. But apparently not?  

This is the first song on the album which talks about dysfunctional / toxic relationship. It describes a position where you’re stuck: you’re not gonna change, they’re not gonna change, and it's not working out. You're hurting each other although it seem you want the same thing. You still love them, but is still worth staying. (And according to me the implied answer on the lyrics is yes)

Teeth

Teeth is Another song about dysfunctional toxic relationship! (insert party emoji). And this time it is written by lashton too. So what does it says. Push and pull, mood swings, lies, fake apologies. Loving someone who's always changing their face or their personality, don't know what they want from you, but they're not letting you go. But you love them, and you let them, still find their good side sweet and pretty. Small part of you still hoping you can built something, have future.

Alright... Let’s keep that in mind and adding to more songs

Not in the Same Way + Thin White Lies

Those two are very similar to me in their lyrical content.

About Not in the same way, I’m gonna take a wild guess and you don’t have to agree. But I feel like the verses, which are very short, were written separately from the rest. (the bridge is longer than the two verses together). The verses begin with the same line “Not today” meaning, “I don't want to fight with you again”. You point out my mistake, you cry, you scream at me. You're always anxious and I'm already sad, I don’t need this. (I want to escape)

Otherwise, the rest of the song is very repetitive and have this spinning sensation (I’m not sure, cause i’m a noob in music but I think it is 3/4? like lie to me, the bass rhythm all along as this three time valse-like ‘ta-da-da’ going on). To me this translate the lost balance, lost of reality. Making the same mistake again and again, even if you know it, even if it hurts you.

Thin White Lies goes along the same veins: I'm sad, I don't know how to handle the questions or my own reflection. The night comes and I make the same mistake, endlessly. In the morning  words break my heart, and I leave. But I'll always come back for one more taste of you. And hate myself for that.

BUT! In Thin Whites Lies there's the only time in the whole album where there’s a ‘she’ pronoun. A she that is different from the you everywhere else in the song. So that mean there are three people involved. There's someone else. “She said she loves me, doesn't show it.” I don’t feel you love, she doesn’t show her love neither. I’m in the middle, loosing my mind, don't know I am anymore. I am holding on thin white lies.

Okay so my conclusion, my interpretation, is that it’s Luke describing how he’ll always come back to Ashton, even if he breaks his heart, even if their both in relationship, even if he know it’s not gonna do any good. But he just can’t resist. And on the other hand it is screwing up majorly his relationship with Sierra (NITSM verses + “She”) whatever you think that might be (Friends, PR, couple, mixed, etc.) 

Best Years + Lover of mine

Before any Lierra stan starts to gushing over Best Years, let me remind you the first verse. “I wasted so much time on people that reminded me of you”. This means 1) being together 2) break up or cheat 3) trying to get redemption. So that’s not the ideal relationship they sell. AND, this proves this is about long relationship. Like very long, years obviously. And I personally don’t think Lierra has this kind of story... Lashton does tho. But you’re entirely free to disagree of course. 

Here’s my interpretation "We had a burning passion, that burnt us. I made mistakes. I have been with other people but I still about think you. Now that we're older and wiser, we can build something out of the mess and broken piece, a future together, the best years of our lives."

Luke said about it : “The song is a beautiful love note, something I felt I needed to get off my chest.” And yes it is a promise, but I am the only one who feels like it’s also a request ? like : “don’t you see what we could be? Don’t you want us to grow together?” and that’s it’s not directed at Sierra. But hey, what do I know?

Lover of mine. Completely unproved, but I feel like the verses and pre-chorus where is written by Lierra. And it’s about accepting your partner mistakes, past and flows, and embarrassing all of them. And the chorus is Ashton's addition and response to best years. It has the same theme of redemption and promises.

“I'll never give you away 'Cause I already made that mistake. If my name never fell off your lips again I know it'd be such a shame. When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes you're the only thing that I think I got right.” and this last sentence especially sounds a lot like Ashton to me. But that’s subjective I guess.

Also I feel like Ashton would the sassy guy to place his love confession in the couple song, just to screw it up x)”

Lonely heart

Lonely heart has an interesting point of view, as I feel like it is place on the side who’s holding back someone, while the other song are viewed from the one feeling held back. “We've been together, I know I hurt you. But if you go, I'll be lonely, you'll be lonely. So please can we have a second chance?” So I’d say it’d be Ashton answer to the other song (also I feel like he wrote some stuff from his heart in not in the same way too)

There a lot of theme that have already been exploited in the previous song so i’m not gonna go over them again. It doesn’t really bring much new content. Correct me if I am wrong. 

High

High is about being selfsish... in a good way? Trying to put yourself first when you still think so much of the one who hurt you. There this implied thing with the line “ my heart is built to last more than a night” that really ties with all the love in dark/ love at night / same mistake every time, we fuck/we fight, etc. that goes on from the all album. There’s another line that I want to point out: “I know I'll never meet your expectations.” which very sadly sound to me like: I’ll never the girls you can hold hand with publicly. And I might be reading way to much, but that just imposed itself to me. And it’s followed by “the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind” which, once again, sound very much like something Luke could say about Ashton. 

I know this song my seem like their relationship is dead, and Luke’s trying to move on, but it’s not because it’s the last on the album that it’s the last in the chronological order of the real life even. I would personally place this as an really 2018 song. 

So yeah Lashton fucks! But they still don’t know how to handle it... And Sierra in the picture frame now. Woohoo. 

Leave you own comments and thoughts. I’d love to hear that :) 

And If you read till there, congrats, you’re a real one. 

Lots of love <3

[ceealaina]

Title: who's gonna tell you things aren't so great? Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Strawberries Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting Summary: Jim Rhodes isn't sure how he feels about having the Stark heir for his roommate, right up until he meets Tony and finds he's the very last thing he expected. Word Count: 2340

(Also written for the prompts Drama, Overprotective, and ‘I dare you’ for @rhodeyappreciationweek)

It started on May 2, when Jim’s sister shrieking from the family room had brought him running. “Holy crap, Jimmy,” she had whispered, since their parents weren’t around to read her the riot act over her language. She had gestured wildly at the television. “You’re gonna go to school with the Stark heir!”

Jim had just rolled his eyes, once he had ascertained that there was no actual emergency. “Yeah, me and about ten thousand other people. I’m never even gonna see him, twerp, let alone meet him. And isn’t he like twelve anyway?” 

“Fifteen,” she’d interjected, all heart eyes, and that explained a lot. 

“Right, well, we’re hardly gonna become best buds so you can quit acting like he’s coming home for Thanksgiving.” 

But then his Residence Life Package had arrived, and stuffed into the back of the packet like an afterthought was an extra memo, getting into very detailed specifics about extra security and proprietary rights and privacy in dorm life. And a few weeks after that was the mysterious, free upgrade to a nicer building -- the building that had, in fact, just been slotted for a full remodel and update over the summer, including a top of the line student lounge. Nobody came right out and said it, but Jim knew his luck, and by the time August rolled around, he was pretty sure that Anthony Stark was going to be his roommate. 

*

Moving in was even more chaotic and crazy than Jim had expected, what seemed like thousands of freshmen with their families and all their stuff milling around, waiting for their turn to check in and get their room assignment and their keys. And while they were waiting, he couldn’t help watching all the other kids, wondering which one was his future roommate. 

He’d tried looking up Anthony Stark as his suspicions had grown over the past few months, but while there’d been a lot of mentions of him, the Starks had done a good job of keeping his picture out of the papers. The most recent picture Jim had been able to find was when Anthony had built his first circuit board. At the age of three. Because of course he had. 

So Jim had no idea who he was looking for, which meant that almost every person he saw had the potential of being him. For the millionth time, he let his gaze drift over the quad. There was a guy over in the north-east corner, trying to chat up some girl, who had actual movers there, like eight of them, lined up and waiting to shift all his stuff. And there was -- 

Jim winced as somebody moved away and he spotted a guy that he hadn’t noticed before. He was standing all alone beside a sad little pile of boxes, clutching the handle of a suitcase just a little too tight. He kept switching between looking around with quick, furtive glances, and then staring down at the ground, messy hair falling in front of his face, which was barely visible anyway beneath huge glasses. He had his back pressed up tight against the wall, like he was doing his best to make himself invisible. He looked young, too, and for a brief moment Jim thought that maybe… But no, that didn’t make any sense. The Starks were one of the richest families in America, and he’d read that the baby Stark was already being groomed to be the innovative future of Stark Industries. Of course they wouldn’t just leave him there like that.

He kept looking around, had his guess narrowed down to the guy with the movers and another guy who was simpering as his mother obviously fawned all over him. Neither one of them looked like someone he’d particularly want to be a roommate with, but he couldn’t find it in himself to worry about it. His gaze kept going back to the kid by the wall. Most of the other freshmen were happy, maybe a little nervous, but even the ones who were crying over leaving their families looked excited too. This kid though, looked absolutely terrified, and while he wasn’t crying, he had this quiet sort of sadness about him. His fingers were tapping out an uneven, nervous pattern against his thigh, and Jim felt something twist in his stomach. He’d just about decided to go over and introduce himself, because if anyone needed a friend it was this guy, but then he got distracted by some pointless argument with his sister, and when he looked back over again, the guy was gone, leaving a wake of guilt in Jim’s stomach. 

*

As it turned out, admissions had fucked something up with their check-in system, and so they were hours behind schedule. Rather than waiting in the hot crowd of people, the Rhodes family had elected to grab some lunch in a nice, air conditioned restaurant, and come back when the line had died down a bit. When they made it back to campus, his mother sent Jim up ahead to his room while the rest of the family started unpacking the car. He was hesitating outside the door, double checking the room number against the one scribbled on his sheet of paper, when he heard voices inside. 

“Dad, come on! Can’t you guys stay a little longer? At least until I finish unpacking?” 

The voice wasn’t whiny, or the usual irritated tone that Jim might have expected from a teenager arguing with his parents. Instead he just sounded sad, and so, so disappointed. 

“Anthony, enough!” an older male voice snapped back. “I thought you agreed you weren’t going to cause any drama today.” 

“I’m not,” Anthony said quickly, voice carefully neutral. “I just… I thought you guys would at least stay until I unpacked, and maybe we could get dinner or something before you go.” 

“Well, we’re not.” 

“That’s what all the other kids are doing.” 

It sounded like a last-ditch effort, and Jim could hear Howard Stark’s answering snort as clearly as if he’d been standing beside him. 

“‘What all the other kids are doing?’” he repeated. “And tell me, are you ‘just like’ all the other kids?” 

“No.” The answer was soft, quiet, and just a little resentful. 

“Howard…” That was from a quiet female voice, who Jim assumed was Anthony’s mother. There was a hint of warning in it, but Howard didn’t seem inclined to listen. 

“That’s right, you’re not. You’re a goddamn Stark, and it’s time to grow up and act like it. So no, Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to hold your hand through university. Stop crying about it.” 

Jim winced, feeling a little sick at the derision in his voice. This man was talking to his own son, his only child, and he sounded like he was completely disgusted by him. Jim had gotten in some pretty big arguments with his parents before, but he couldn’t imagine either of them talking to him with that cold indifference in their voices, no matter how angry they were with him. And worse, he couldn’t even figure out what Howard Stark really had to be angry about. His son wanted to have dinner with his parents, when he probably wouldn’t even see them again before Thankgiving? What was wrong with this man? 

 “I’m not crying,” Anthony protested, but even Jim could hear the waver in his voice. “I just… It’s the first day of university, Dad, and I’m younger than everyone here, and it’s… It’s supposed to be a big deal. I thought you’d stay a bit, is all.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Howard bit out, earning another reproachful murmur from his wife. “You know we only brought you up ourselves because it coincided with my meeting with Dr. Franklin. Grow up, Anthony. You may be younger than everyone else, but you’re still old enough to leave home. And if you’re old enough to go to university, you’re old enough to be a goddamn man about it.” 

“I didn’t even want to go to university yet! I wanted to wait until I was the same age as everyone else. You’re the one who insisted I start now, just because of the stupid Stark legacy and because of how good it would look for the stupid investors.” 

“What did you just say to me?” 

Howard’s voice had gone icy cold, and Jim felt unease ripple through him. 

“Howard, that’s enough,” his wife insisted, but he wasn’t listening. 

“No. What did you just say? Come on, son, say it again. I dare you.” 

Jim had never met Anthony Stark, but he felt a sudden wave of overprotectiveness toward him. Before he could think the better of it, he was shoving the door open, walking in with his box in hand like he’d just arrived. 

“Oh, hey!” he said, feigning surprise at the sight of the people in the room. He wasn’t exactly surprised to find that Anthony Stark was the kid he’d spotted earlier on the quad, but it somehow made his whole exchange with his father that much sadder, knowing how alone he’d been out there, surrounded by all those people with their families. He gave him a bright smile, pretending not to notice the red tinge across the tops of Anthony’s cheeks, or the way he gave a hasy swipe at his eyes. “I’m Jim Rhodes. I guess I’m your roommate!” 

For a moment, there was a long, slightly awkward silence, and Jim could tell that they were trying to work out if he’d heard anything. He didn’t let his smile falter, setting his box down on the empty bed. Without a word, Howard and his wife moved into action, saying good-bye to their son and preparing to leave. Jim kept half an eye on them as he unpacked his toiletries from the box and lined them up on his night table, watching Maria wrap an arm around Tony and place a gentle kiss on his cheek before Howard came over to shake his hand, the gesture cold and indifferent.

He didn’t hear what, if anything, they said to him as he left, but then they were gone. Anthony sank onto his bed in their absence in a way that was both disappointed and relieved. He seemed to have forgotten that he wasn’t alone in the room, and Jim found himself clearing his throat a little awkwardly. 

“Uh. You must be Anthony, huh?” he asked, offering out his hand. Anthony looked up at Jim with sharp eyes, and he could see the intelligence there. Somehow, for all he still felt sorry for him, he knew better than to think he was naive. 

“Tony,” he offered, taking Jim’s hand after a beat. “No one calls me Anthony.” He met Jim’s gaze. “My dad only does it when he’s showing off, or pissed at me. Or both.” 

It was said easily, like it was just an absolute fact that Jim had overheard Howard using the name, like that kind of exchange was normal, and Jim winced. Now that the immediate threat was gone, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself, what to say besides ‘sorry about your family’ which seemed inappropriate, if fitting. But Tony seemed to have that covered too. 

“Strawberry?” he offered, out of the blue, and Jim blinked as he was met with a glass bowl full of fresh, plump strawberries. 

“Uhh…” 

Tony gave him a shy, sweet little smile, at odds with the resigned look he’d been wearing before. “Jarvis, our butler?” He made a face, like he knew how that sounded, and then waved it off. “He snuck them in for me. He knows they’re my favourite.” He shook the jar a little, looking hopeful. It felt like a lot more than a strawberry, Tony so easily sharing the one small bit of joy in what seemed to have been an absolutely shitty day, and Jim didn’t know what he’d been expecting from the Stark heir, but it sure wasn’t this. He took one, popping it in his mouth and Tony beamed at him, looking absolutely delighted that his little gift had been accepted. Jim felt himself getting pulled into the force of that smile. He was pretty sure Tony Stark was going to be the end of him, and he was pretty sure he was going to love every minute of the ride. 

“Listen,” he said quickly, taking a seat beside Tony. “My family’s gonna be here any second, and I feel like I should apologize in advance, because they can kind of be a lot. They mean well, I promise.” 

Tony offered up another shy little smile. “You don’t have to apologize for that,” he told him, a wistful note in his voice. “It sounds… Nice.” 

“Yeah, it kind of is,” Jim admitted. “But you’ll find out soon enough. My momma kinda tends to adopt people, and she’s gonna be ready to trade me for you in about five seconds.” 

Tony gave a little giggle at that, ducking his head, and Jim had to resist the sudden urge to coo because good lord, he was adorable. He felt another surge of anger toward his terrible family; someone thi sweet didn’t deserve that kind of bullshit.

“Anyway, they’re planning to drive back to Philly tonight, and my dad’s already getting antsy about how behind schedule they are, so they probably won’t stay too long once they get me settled. You wanna grab some dinner after they’re gone? Maybe wander around and try to figure out this campus?” 

“Really?” Tony looked heartbreakingly startled. “You want to have dinner with me?” 

Jim nudged against his shoulder. “You seeing a whole lotta other roommates in this room that I’d be grabbing dinner with?” 

Tony snorted, but there was a flush spreading across the tops of his cheeks, a goofy little grin twitching at his lips. “Yeah,” he said softly, half to the bedspread, half glancing shyly up at Jim. “I’d like that a lot. That sounds like a great way to end the day.” 

@tonystarkbingo

[tiaragqueen]

Can i request a yandere!tarzan! Jungkook? I've been thinking about it a lot lately but nobody seems to done it :""))

Champing At The Bit

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Tarzan! Jeon Jeongguk x Reader

✂ Word Count: 3,6k+

✂ Trigger Warning: Animal attack, blood, death, obsessiveness, possessiveness, sadism

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don’t believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Donot re-upload my writing to another website or use it without mypermission.

[Edited]

***

Okay, so… I might have gone a bit overboard on this one. This is probably the longest one-shot I’ve ever written, but I don’t know. The edited version might be shorter, tho. Why, you look at that. It’s longer than the unedited one.

If you like mywriting, please support me on ko-fi!

“One way or another, I’m going to find ya. I’m gonna get ya. One way or another, I’m going to win ya.” – One Way Or Another [Blondie]

You didn’t know what to expect from this scene.

No, scratch that. You hadn’t expected this to happen at all.

You had always known that your baby brother was more sociable than you. It was a trait you had been long secretly envious of. There was something from him that easily attracted people to him, either from his smile or overall mannerisms. While you were approaching your early twenties, your social skills remained undeveloped. It didn’t help that you had a tendency to overanalyze things, too.

However, you would later learn that your introversion wasn’t a curse as you had initially thought. In fact, it could save you from the doom that would soon befall you.

“[Brother’s name], what… what are you doing? Who is he?” you asked, brows furrowed deeply and eyes widened in an overwhelming mixture of confusion, shock, relief, fear, and wariness.

“Ah, Noona!” your brother beamed once he spotted you and enthusiastically pointed to the stranger in question. “Look, I’ve got a new friend! His name is Jungkook, but he likes to be called ‘Kookie’.”

Your mouth slackened as you glanced at the pair back and forth, trying to make sense of their relationship. Well, it wasn’t like you misheard what your brother said just now. In fact, you heard it a little bit too clearly for your liking. But of course, what kind of a normal human being would immediately accept the fact that their sibling had befriended a fucking Tarzan in the middle of a forest?!

‘Kookie’ shrunk a little and bowed his head when you averted your attention to him, displaying his shyness towards strangers. At least, he wasn’t aggressive. That was a plus. You didn’t know what to do if there was a young man, wearing nothing but a dark ripped cloth to cover his lower part, were to attack your brother. You cleared your throat to distract yourself from the disturbing image.

“Well, that was nice and all but can we please go back to the camp? Mama has been waiting for you, you know?”

[Brother’s name] bit his bottom lip, and it didn’t take a genius to know that he hesitated to leave this ‘Kookie’. Was it possible to create such a close relationship with someone you just met? Was he really that interesting to your brother until he felt reluctant to go?

“Can we bring him too? He looks so lonely…”

You didn’t bat an eye on rejecting his ridiculous suggestion, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, [Brother’s name].”

There was no way in hell you would bring that guy to your parents. They might not panic much, but you didn’t want to deal with the consequences should something bad happened. He might get a panic attack – or worse, go on a rampage – if you forced him to meet other people.

“But can you at least introduce yourself first, Noona? Kookie might be shy, but he’s very curious about you.”

How the hell did he know that that guy was curious about you? Did he suddenly possess a sixth sense or something? And besides, that guy refused to look at you in the eye!

“Oh, um, I…” Fuck this shit. If you wanted to leave, then you better deal with this quickly. “Uh… Hi, Kookie. I’m [Name], [Brother’s name]’s older sister.”

Was that friendly enough? Could he even comprehend what you just said? Judging from the way [Brother’s name] grinned when he glanced at the said man, you assumed that he indeed understood. To some extent, probably.

“Kookie said you’re pretty, Noona.”

How did one accept a compliment from a Tarzan? You didn’t know, you never bothered to know, and you definitely didn’t expect to know how. And that was why your reaction was painfully awkward, even cringy if someone were to watch this whole interaction.

“Oh, thank you. He’s… he’s handsome too.”

That wasn’t a lie. He did look handsome. And cute too. With long eyelashes that framed his doe eyes, chubby cheeks, healthy pink and plump lips, down to the tiny mole that you almost missed. You had no doubt that he would gain a lot of admirers had he was more… normal. But what was normal for you, might not be normal to others. And with his fidgety mannerisms that just screamed bashfulness and awkwardness throughout, he might end up as one of those wallflowers or an antisocial that avoided people altogether.

No, actually, the latter seemed much more likely to happen. It was a miracle that your brother even managed to befriend him in a span of twenty minutes.

Another reason for you to be insecure about.

“Okay, introduction’s over. Let’s go back, shall we?”

[Brother’s name] nodded, satisfied with what he thought was a successful conversation. Linking his fingers with yours, he skipped down the trodden path that led to the campsite whilst smiling happily. With your back turned, you were able to sense Jungkook’s penetrating gaze as opposed to the occasional timid glances earlier.

A shiver slithered down your spine.

It had been days since your first encounter with Jungkook. And ever since that, your brother had been secretly meeting him under the pretense of ‘exploring the area’. Of course, you being you, refused to accept his excuse at face value, unlike your parents who had shown a positive reaction over his so-called adventure. They even made another comment on how you should ‘be more active like him’ instead of ‘spending your time doing useless things such as constantly playing your phone’, although they didn’t know what you truly did with it. Just because you often play your phone, didn’t mean you always searched meaningless things. Sometimes, you liked to explore stuff and looked up some facts.

Obviously, they didn’t understand that. Not that you wanted to. There was no reason why you should convince someone who was too stubborn to change their mind.

The latter was also why they decided to make this spontaneous camping in the first place, much to your dismay. You had initially planned to spend your whole summer working on that story you had been procrastinating for so long, but your parents thought that it was time for some ‘family moment’.

And because you cared about your brother, despite your envy, you’d decided to ‘join’ him. Your parents were excited and thought that you finally ‘opened up’ to the world. You had ignored their gushing and accompanied your sibling in meeting his new friend.

Jungkook, although shy, was very talkative once a close bond was established. You didn’t find this very surprising, to be honest, since you yourself weren’t much different than him in this aspect. But what astounded you was the fact that he seemed to take more interest in you, more than he did to your brother. [Brother’s name], being a naïve boy he was, felt happy with this development. Thus, he took it upon himself to act as the ‘accommodating guide’ by answering Jungkook’s silent questions that – frankly speaking – sounded more like hushed whispers and occasional hoots. You didn’t know that it was possible for someone to gain a skill in communicating with Tarzan within such a short time, but that was what set him apart from you anyway.

Slowly, but surely, Jungkook started to open up more and more with you. From light, albeit hesitant, touching to bashful smiles; he did everything he could do to ensure that your attention remained on him alone. He even tried to speak to you once, but your overt inability to comprehend his words prevented you from fully understanding what he said. It wasn’t as if you wanted to know, either.

Honestly, you didn’t know what to feel from this so-called development. On one hand, you were creeped out at the fact that Tarzan had taken an interest in you. But on the other hand, you were flattered that someone actually found you desirable for once. That someone would make an effort to get to know you, or by the very least, including you in their conversations and not neglecting you as most people did.

The last day of camping came at the blink of an eye. [Brother’s name] kept sobbing that he wouldn’t be able to visit Jungkook again, while you awkwardly patted his small back. Comforting people wasn’t your forte, but for the sake of people you loved, you were willing to do anything for them. Even if it meant handling their emotional outbursts.

“Come on, [Brother’s name]. We need to go home.” you murmured, yet he merely cried harder. Before you, Jungkook didn’t provide any assistance whatsoever except watching him for the past five minutes.

“B-but, I can’t see him again.” [Brother’s name] blubbered.

You wished to say that he would be able to meet Jungkook once he was a bit older, but you couldn’t exactly promise such a thing to him. Life sometimes got in the way of achieving what you wanted, and that was why you refused to go around spreading empty words unless the odds were favorable.

“Okay, well…” you glanced around, racking your brain to come up with a perfect solution that wouldn’t leave [Brother’s name] even sadder than he already was. “Why don’t you say goodbye to Kookie now? Who knows, you might feel a bit better.”

[Brother’s name] sniffled, but luckily, he obliged to your suggestion. Approaching the quiet Jungkook, he threw his small arms around his neck and sobbed into his bare shoulders.

“Kookie, I’m leaving now.” he croaked with a voice that broke your heart a little. You’d never expected to get teared up from witnessing such an emotional scene, even though Jungkook was nowhere near emotional. His face remained blank as he blinked repeatedly, as though unaware of a child weeping in his embrace.

Damn him. He could’ve at least made an effort to appear affected.

Sniffling once more, [Brother’s name] withdrew from the one-sided hug and smiled bitterly. “I’ll see you again, Kookie. Please don’t forget me.”

Jungkook stared at him for a moment before turned to you. His dark eyes were hollow yet piercing as if trying to gauge your reaction through your ‘friendly-sister-of-a-friend’ façade. Maybe he did, then that would explain why he kept watching you lately. If you could even call that ‘watching’ because it looked more like observing than mere watching. Still, it didn’t make the experience felt any less unnerving.

You simpered at him, nonetheless. Couldn’t show him your discomfort, could you? For all you knew, he could be planning something and a glimpse of your true feelings might be something he’d deeply anticipated. “Well, Jung– I mean, Kookie. I think it’s time for us to go. It’s been an interesting week, and I can’t say that I regretted meeting you.”

Just a little, though. You had always doubted that Tarzan existed, especially in such a modern world like this, but his existence proved otherwise.

Jungkook stepped forward and suddenly brought you into a deep hug. Stunned, you let him buried his head into your stomach. You could’ve sworn that you heard him purring too, yet that was the least of your worries. Jungkook had never been this bold before – he always retained some degree of shyness in expressing his affection – so perhaps he finally felt comfortable with you? Enough to embrace you without a warning like this?

“[Name]…” he mumbled against your shirt. Your eyes instinctively widened, while [Brother’s name] gasped in astonishment.

“He spoke!” [Brother’s name] squealed, clapping vigorously as if he had witnessed first-hand something extraordinary. That would be understandable considering that Jungkook never seemed to speak before. “He finally spoke!”

You didn’t know what to do in this situation. No, scratch that, you knew exactly what you wanted to do. You wanted to run – away from this forest and its nonsense – and never looked back. Being observed was enough to put you on the edge, and now he decided to call you by your name too? This should’ve turned on the warning bell in your head. And as much as you wished to shove him on to the ground, you still had the decency to gently push him away.

“Oh, did you hear that? Mama is calling us. Let’s go, [Brother’s name]!” On the spur of the moment, you came up with a not-so-believable lie and grabbed his hand.

[Brother’s name] sputtered in shock. “B-but, Noona, I didn’t–”

“Goodbye, Kookie!” you exclaimed with more vigor than necessary, or what would one expect from a farewell.

You dashed through the trees which homogeneity seemed to confuse you in each minute, determined to make it into the campsite before it was too late. Why did you feel this way when the forest looked safe? Honestly, you weren’t sure yourself. You just had this hunch that something was wrong the moment Jungkook averted his gaze to you.

Or maybe the darkness and desire in his eyes gave it away.

Either way, you couldn’t afford to rest even if [Brother’s name] had been panting since earlier. You wanted to prove to yourself that your hunch was incorrect; that it was merely a suspicion or a secret fear that Jungkook would try to harm you and your family. Maybe it was somewhat unfair to place the blame on him when he hadn’t done anything wrong than just being his shy, creepy self. But it wasn’t like you could trust someone you met a week ago. You weren’t that careless.

During your rushed journey, you’d prayed and prayed that your hunch didn’t come true. That it all just happened in your head. But nothing, absolutely nothing, could prepare you for the massacre that greeted you at your destination.

Bodies laid on top of each other, eyes glassy yet profound with the unfairness of being the innocent victims. Some of their limbs looked like they had been forcibly ripped out from their sockets, leaving bloody bones that protruded through the rugged flesh. Their clothes were torn, mouths opened in a silent scream that fell on deaf ears, and they were looking up the sky as though it could lend a lifeline to save them from their untimely dooms.

Bile climbed from the pit of your stomach as you covered [Brother’s name]’s eyes, afraid that he would be traumatized by the horrible sight. He was still young and pure; he didn’t need to see what his parents had become. Charred and torn beyond belief and recognition. Sure, you weren’t really fond of them due to their tendency to compare you with [Brother’s name], but they didn’t deserve to die. Nobody at this campsite did, honestly.

“Noona!”

You gasped when someone – or rather, something – snatched him from your grasp. A black chimpanzee stood in one of the branches and held him against its chest, shouting incoherent things to you. Despite your disinterest towards monkey and ape species, there was a hidden fear deep inside your heart that was reserved for the chimpanzees. Especially when they were cornering you right now, a helpless and panicked human. You didn’t know if chimpanzees could eat humans, but you did know about their cannibalistic habits.

And now, your beloved baby brother was held as a captive.

What kind of a shitty movie was this?!

“Do you still… want to leave, [Name]?” a breathy voice asked in a broken sentence, showing their slight inexperience of speaking human language.

Your expression went cold as you slowly turned around, wishing that the speaker was nothing like what you thought them to be. However, your hunch was proven correct once again.

“Jungkook,” you hissed, gritting your teeth in a refrained anger. As much as you wanted to lash out to him, you knew that the chimpanzees wouldn’t take too kindly of it. You just knew it. “What the fuck is this, huh? Explain this!”

“Calm… down.”

“Don’t tell me how to calm down, you piece of shit!”

As expected, the chimpanzees started to get hostile over your equally offensive approach. Some were already approaching you, ready to tear you to bits had Jungkook didn’t raise his hand. The clamor stopped as soon as it arose, but the aura they emanated was still murderous. Peering to Jungkook, you concluded that he must be a leader or some sort.

Would it be weird if you say that you weren’t surprised in the slightest?

“[Name], you have to… know that you can’t… leave this forest… as you please,” he explained without looking at you. Oh, so now he was acting haughty, huh? Where was the shy boy who couldn’t even see you without blushing?

“So what? People come here all the time, yet they’re free to go anytime they want. Why the fuck should I be any different, huh?” You pointed a finger in his direction and glowered, trying to display an aggressive body language despite your huge difference in power. Maybe those chimpanzees would back down somewhat?

Well, no. Because you could hear them growling in the background.

“Because… you’re special.”

You narrowed your eyes, clearly not amused with his half-assed excuse. If he thought that he could convince you with that, then he would be dead wrong. “The fuck–?”

As if on cue, the chimpanzee who held [Brother’s name] captive suddenly took a chunk out of his left shoulder. You froze in shock, watching the blood spurted from the wound like in slow motion. The sound of his agonized scream echoed in the forest, when not even a single cricket dare to chirp. All witnessed the chimpanzee brutally lacerated his flesh until the bone and tendons were visible to the naked eye.

“Stop! Stop!” you finally shouted after a moment of stupefaction, the aggressive facade shattered when tears started to trickle little by little. “Stop this, please! I… I’ll do anything! Just… just, please. Don’t hurt him. Please. I’ll do anything, I swear to God.”

Jungkook’s face lit up almost instantly. However, you were too busy worrying about [Brother’s name]’s state and dread over his looming death to notice it.

If only you saw his joyous face right now, or the smug smirk that closed your and [Brother’s name] fates…

But it wasn’t as though you could compromise his safety for the sake of your selfishness, right? No matter how much you envied him, no matter how much you wanted to be like him for just a little – a moment – he was, and would always be, your little brother. Your younger sibling.

Your beloved baby brother whose existence you’d been anticipating ever since your mother announced her pregnancy.

Your beloved baby brother who saw you for the first time with those sparkling doe eyes and pouty lips.

Your beloved baby brother who held your pinky finger and beamed that cute smile of his.

And most of all, your beloved baby who always made you smile and laugh when the world seemed to turn its back against you.

It was funny how easy it was to say ‘I love you’ to your exes, any time and any day when you had never said it to your own sibling.

What kind of a big sister was you?

“Really…? Then, I guess… you don’t mind if you become mine, right? I’ve been waiting… for this moment.” Jungkook inclined his head and smiled softly as if reminiscing something. “That kid… has been irritating me to no end.”

There was only regret and anger left in your constricting chest when Jungkook moved to hug you from behind. Regret for not being able to help your brother, and anger for being so fucking useless.

But what were you, compare to a horde of chimpanzees waiting for the right moment to strike?

What were you, compare to his authority and power?

And what were you, to resist your own fate?

You let those sturdy arms wrapped themselves around your chest like a straitjacket and sobbed. Resting his chin on your shoulder, Jungkook sighed contentedly.

“I’ve been waiting… to hold you like this… ever since… you appeared. It feels… nice.” He peered towards the damned chimpanzee as though he barely remembered that they were here in the first place, and their presence ruined his ‘peaceful’ moment. Never mind the fact that he was probably the one who had ordered them to ambush you.

“Everyone,” you stopped sobbing for a moment and waited with bated breath his next demand. What was he going to say? What was he going to do? Hopefully, he would release [Brother’s name] and allow him to live. After all, you had willingly give yourself to him. Surely Jungkook wasn’t that evil, right? There must be some humanity deep inside him, however small it might be.

… Right?

“Eat him.”

The chimpanzees immediately charged at [Brother’s name] from every direction without any hesitation whatsoever. You watched in horror their sharp teeth sunk into his skin and ripped it like a starved animal. He wailed and writhed in their hold, wishing anyone to help him.

To save him.

To rescue him.

“No, no, no!” At this point, you actively struggled against Jungkook’s much stronger grip as you kicked and screamed for them to stop. For him to stop. For everything to stop. “Why are you doing this?! Stop!”

“As I said earlier… you’re special. And I can’t… let that kid… get in the way of our happiness.” Jungkook buried his face into your sweaty neck and smiled, ignoring your resistance and cries of help. “Now, we can finally be together.”

[beanfic]

Reconciliation

Pairing: Tyler Joseph x reader

Word count: 1556

Warnings: Drug usage and SMUT :) 

Author’s note: I saw some pictures of Tyler and then had some dreams and NOW HERE THIS IS SO PLEASE ENJOY HAHA. 

“This party is kind of lame, huh?” a familiar voice spoke from the shadows behind you. You jumped a little as the silence you had discovered was abruptly ended. You turned around to see your ex-boyfriend walking towards you. 

“Hey, Tyler,” you mumbled. You scooted over on the ledge that you were sitting on to make room for him. 

“Why are you sitting outside and in a dark corner?” he softly chuckled as he looked around at the stranger's backyard.

“I don’t like parties, you know that, and since I was dragged here I decided to make the most of it.” You slowly slid off the ledge that you were sitting on so you were now standing up and facing Tyler. 

You took a second for your eyes to focus on him in the dark, but his recognizable features quickly came into focus. His hair was longer than it was the last time you had seen him, and it looked like he had a new tattoo on his arm that was barely visible in the night time. 

“I do know that, and you should know I also hate parties. That’s why we never went to parties when we were-” Tyler stopped himself and looked over towards you.

“When we were together? Tyler it’s been over a year, it’s okay,” you laughed softly. “Did you get a new tattoo?” 

Tyler looked down towards the black bands that wrapped around his arm, “Yeah I got them about a week ago.”

“I like it.”

“Thank you.” Tyler ran his hand through his hair. You hadn’t seen him in about two months - actually, the last time was at a mutual friend's birthday party - and it was nice to catch up with him. You two were actually becoming better friends since after you had broken up you two went a whole month hating each other. The breakup wasn’t necessarily bad, it was almost sort of mutual, but was definitely fueled by anger and could have been solved with communication, but you two had insisted that it was better that you were no longer together. 

“Been dating anyone lately?” you asked, being completely upfront about the topic. 

“No, my dating life has been dry as a desert, unfortunately. Lots of masturbation.”

“Ew, Tyler!” you shoved him. “You are so disgusting.”

Tyler chortled as he regained his balance on the ledge, “You’re so easy to tease.”

“Stop it,” you crossed your arms and frowned. 

“Have you been dating?” Tyler raised his eyebrow.

“I dated this guy for a month but he was just gross, and the sex was bad.”

“Do I know this guy?” Tyler asked but you shook your head.

“I met him off of tinder.”

“Tinder?” Tyler clapped his hands together and laughed. “I can’t believe the Y/F/N Y/L/N has gotten a tinder!” 

“What’s so bad with that?” you asked, obviously very displeased with Tyler’s laughing at your dating life.

“Tinder is just for dick appointments, you know that right? You’re not going to find a relationship on Tinder.”

You rolled your eyes, “Who said anything about wanting a relationship?”

“So you’re just horny, is what you're implying?”

“I didn’t say anything,” you shrugged and smirked. Tyler jumped off the ledge so that he was standing closer to you. 

“Do you want to smoke?” Tyler pulled out his dab pen and held it up for you to see.

“I haven’t smoked since I was with you, but sure.” You took a hold of the pen and pressed down on the button making it light up red. You pressed it against the tips of your lips and drew in. It wasn’t too big of a hit, but it was enough for you to start coughing.

“Jeez, you okay?” Tyler patted your back as you bent over and continued to cough your lungs out. 

“It was harsher than I was expecting.” You finally caught your breath and you watched Tyler effortlessly take two hits. “Do you smoke a lot?”

“Eh, maybe like once or twice a week? It helps with my anxiety and my creativity. The best songs I write are usually started when I am high.”

“Can I ask you a dumb question?” 

Tyler smiled while he still stared down at the ground, “Yes.”

“Did you ever write any songs about me after we broke up?” You gnawed on the bottom of your lip as you waited for his response. 

“Yes,” he admitted. “Three.”

“Three? Are they happy? Sad? Angry? Love songs?”

“Two are sort of angsty breakup songs but the last one is sadder.”

You pursed your lips together as you thought of what to say next. The marijuana was making you feel lighter and made all your thoughts seem to swirl around your head. “What was it called?”

“The one that got away.” You instantly started to giggle at the name of the song, even though you didn’t find it that funny. This strain made everything seem funny. 

“Sorry, I promise that’s not funny. It’s just, I don’t know funny?” you continued to laugh.

“Hey, it’s not funny that I am still in love with you!” Now it was Tyler’s turn to cross his arms and pout.

“Wait, you still love me? That’s crazy because I still love you!” you giggled. 

“Too bad we are better off not together,” Tyler took another hit and blew it out up in the air.

“You know,” you whispered. “We may not be good for each other in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t like, you know? Once?” 

Tyler looked over at you with his deep brown eyes and smiled, “I feel like I know what you are trying to say.”

“Do you?” you narrowed your eyes and took a step closer towards him. 

“I do.” Tyler closed the space between you two and pressed his lips against yours, poking his tongue through. The kiss lasted a while before you had to pull back to catch some air.

“I’ve missed the taste of you,” you admitted. Tyler caressed your cheek with his hand as he looked down into your eyes. 

“I’ve missed everything about you.” He placed his hand behind your head and pulled you in for another kiss. This time it was more desperate and you grasped at a small tuft of hair on the back of his head to try to pull yourself even closer. 

“I want you,” you whispered into his ear. Tyler almost seems to make a growling noise as he laced his fingers with yours and started to pull you back towards the house. The familiar sound of party music became apparent. Once the house came into view you could see the crowds of drunk young adults dancing. 

“Let’s go upstairs, I am sure there is a bedroom somewhere. It’s a huge house.” Tyler wasn’t wrong. The party was practically being held in a mansion. 

It took a lot of maneuvering and dodging to get through the first level and towards the stairs. You followed Tyler closely as he knocked on every door, desperately trying to find one that was empty. Just as you were losing hope, the door at the end of one of the hallways ended up being empty.

“Perfect,” you smiled. Tyler held the door open for you, and as you walked in and looked around you could hear the door lock behind you. 

“You sure about this, Y/N?” Tyler turned around to face you and you nodded slowly.

“Yes, Tyler, I am sure.” 

“Sit on the bed,” Tyler demanded. You shuffled backward so that you were now sitting on the bed but you didn’t take your eyes off of Tyler. He stripped his shirt off with one pull, revealing his tattooed chest. He kept his black skinny jeans on that rested low enough that his V-line was visible, and he walked towards you. 

“You’re so beautiful,” you whispered as you traced Tyler’s tattoo on his chest. 

“I want you to take your clothes off for me,” Tyler spoke softly. You obeyed and you quickly threw off your shirt and pants so you were just sitting there in your underwear. “So beautiful.”

“Stop,” you blushed. Tyler moved so that he was now leaning against you and you had to lay back. He stared into your eyes before he started to give you kisses all over your neck and chest. He moved his kisses back up towards your lips and he pulls you over so that you were now the one laying on top of him.

“You’re perfect,” Tyler moaned as you rode against him while still kissing him messily. You could feel how bad he wanted you through his jeans, and it was difficult for you to be patient. 

Tyler’s hands roamed your body as you moved your kisses down his chest towards the hem of his jeans. You looked up at him for permission and he nodded once before resting his head back on the bed. You unzipped his pants slowly and pulled both his jeans and underwear down. His length always came as a surprise to you. It had been over a year since the last time you had seen Tyler naked. 

You knew exactly how to make Tyler feel good, and you made sure to do it slowly to drive him crazy. Tyler liked to be dominant, but it was more fun to tease him. 

“I know what you are doing,” Tyler growled as he grabbed your hair and pressed your head down. “Don’t tease me.”

You looked up at him making sure to play innocent, but you couldn’t help but enjoy yourself. You also weren’t sure how long you could handle teasing him either, though. You wanted him badly too. You craved his touch. 

“My turn,” you smiled slyly as you layed on your back on the bed and Tyler took place in between your legs. He planted kisses all over your thighs as his hands played with your chest. It didn’t take him long at all until you were climaxing and Tyler was licking it all up. 

“So perfect,” Tyler whispered once again as he stood up. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he leaned over to kiss you once more. This time it was softer, more loving. You could feel Tyler push himself inside you, and it took you a second to adjust to his size. It didn’t take long for all of it to come back to you guys. 

Tyler was rougher than usual, spanking you and biting you, but you loved every second of it. You had missed him so much, and even though this had been on your mind you had never thought you would have hooked up with your ex-boyfriend at a party in a stranger's bedroom. 

Once it over, Tyler laid next to you on the bed and you rested your head on his chest. You both were panting and dripping with sweat, and all you wanted to do was sleep. 

“I love you, Y/N,” was the last thing you heard before slowly drifting off to sleep with Tyler holding you close. 

[petersmparker]

Welcome Home pt 6 (Peter Parker x Reader)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter finally decides to open the letter left to him by Tony Stark.

Word Count: 1844

A/N: This is technically the last part to welcome home, but I’ve written an epilogue that wraps up Peter’s healing arc, relationship with the reader, and etc. Keep an eye out 😉

INTRO PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 EPILOGUE

When you wake up, the first thing you notice is that your back is cold. Peter is no longer holding you. You wonder if he's shifted in his sleep, but when you turn to look at him in the early morning light, you realize that Peter isn't even lying down. He's sitting near your legs, back to you. The sunlight filters through the window better there, forming a halo of light around his head that reflects off of his messy hair. For a brief second, you don't understand what he's doing. When you hear the distinct sound of tearing paper, you very quickly realize that he's opening the letter.

The idea that he's about to read the message from Tony incites fear in you, knowing that Peter may come out much sadder than he was going in. You consider the possibility that it might be better to pretend you're asleep and leave him alone. After all, he hadn't woken you before deciding to open the envelope. However, you don't want to be dishonest, so before he can unfold the letter, you sit up and reach out to tap him and let him know that you're awake. 

Peter turns to look over his shoulder at you. He can clearly sense your concern, but it seems that he has woken up this morning with a bit of a newfound resolution, because he gives you a comforting smile and places a hand on your knee. "It'll be alright," he assures, "I feel okay. This won't be as bad as I'm convincing myself it will be."

"Do you want me to go?" You offer, swinging your other leg off the bed as if to leave.

He thinks for a moment, looking down at the folded sheet of paper in his hand. "I was going to read it alone, at first. But now that it's time to start, I don't think I can unfold it. Is that stupid? I know it's going to be alright, but starting is hard."

"Would you like help?"

"Please."

As he turns back toward the light streaming through the window, you adjust to sit closer to his back. You're seated on your legs partially behind Peter, chin hovering above his shoulder, and from this angle the scratchy writing on the envelope that sits in front of Peter glistens. The letter itself is a bright white in the center of the sun beam, almost like it's glowing. He's holding it very gently.

You reach around him and lift the top fold of the sheet, revealing the first few lines of handwritten text. With a nervous exhale, Peter slides his hand down to undo the bottom fold. "You ready to meet Mr. Stark?" He says, head shifting ever so slightly to side-eye you.

After all this time, you know him well enough to understand that he's attempting to dispel his own nerves just as much as your own. He's so stressed, but you both know that this is a hurdle that must be overcome. You can't do much more to ease the process, but you're compelled to express how much you wish you could. Part of you worries that you may cross a boundary, but most of you is past the point of caring.

With your free hand, you reach up to the other side of his head and pull him the last couple centimeters toward you to press a kiss to the side of his head. "Introduce me to him," you say, letting him go.

Peter nods and turns back to the letter. You follow his gaze, and start to read.

Pete,

If this has made it to you, that means that my death was apparently in the cards for this shindig we're planning. That also means that everything went as planned, at least on my end. Not so much the dying, but the part where you're back. Just to clarify. If that's what was supposed to happen, then don't worry about me having checked out early. I went right on time.

I considered setting up a holographic message for you like I did for Pep and Morgan, but upon further consideration, I figured I'd be leaving you more than enough tech already. That's most of what I've been able to give you in our time together. Thought that something different might be a bit more meaningful. Kinda poetic?

If you think that admitting that negates the extra meaning, we'll agree to disagree. I think it’s nice, regardless.

Listen, kid. I know that if all this time heist nonsense works out and you make it back out the other side without me, you're going to beat yourself up about it. Do me a favor and skip that part. I'm doing all this because I want you to be able to grow up and experience your life and enjoy it. As endearing as it might be for you to mourn me for most of your young life, I think I'd prefer for you to just be happy. And maybe name some tech after me when you get to using those labs. Only the best tech, obviously. It's the little things, Pete.

I'm going to get sappy with you now. Buckle up, this'll be kinda new for both of us. You're such a good kid. You're a good person. I wish I had had more time to see you become the person you're meant to be, but after you decided to stow away onto that ship, it's pretty damn clear that you're already getting close. I surround myself with people who give me constant anxiety with their relentless do-gooding and self-sacrificing (birds of a feather, I guess) and let me tell you, Peter: you're one of the best of us. You're always going to be. I'm so proud of you. I got to spend four beautiful years with my wife and daughter after the Snap, but it could never have been complete without you out there in the world. Morgan is my first born and the light of my life, but it sort of felt like you were my son before I even got the chance to be a real father. Thanks for the opportunity.

I hope you enjoy the White Spider suit. It's simple compared to most of the others, I'll admit, but I think that makes it pretty fitting. You'll go out and do great things, but don't forget the kid who sent himself to space because there can't be a Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man when there's no neighborhood left. Don't be fooled by the minor cardiac arrest that might have given me at the time. I realized a bit later on that that had been one of the proudest moments of my life.

Stay safe, kid. I'd rather not see you anytime soon.

Love,

T.S.

You finish reading only moments before Peter does. He goes through it silently, thumb running down the side of the page as he progresses. When it reaches the bottom, he returns to the top and reads it a second time. By the time he has begun to fold the letter back up, he still has yet to say anything, but he leans back into you a bit as if deflating. You wrap an arm around his waist to support his weight.

"I can't believe he's still calling me out, even from the grave," he says, finally, with a broken-sounding laugh, "That's Mr. Stark, alright."

"If he cared about you as much as this letter says he did, then yeah," you say with a laugh, resting your head against his, "Of course he was gonna call you out. That's what love's all about sometimes."

Peter reaches up to wipe at tears that you can't see from the angle you're at. While you're aware that he's crying, you're grateful to know that if he was having a bad crying fit, it'd be much easier to tell. He's handling it pretty well. Your own heart is swelling with affection for Tony Stark, whom you've never truly met, and grief at having never gotten the chance.

He sniffs, and admits, "I expected that to hurt a lot more. I mean- it did hurt, of course. Reading this and knowing that he's gone forever. We'd never had much of a conversation about feelings or anything like that, but after reading it, I can't help but be like, 'Well, yeah.' Like I already kind of knew how he felt and just hadn't processed it yet."

"And how did you feel about him, Peter?" You ask softly.

Peter sits up and turns his body around to face you. He grabs your hands and pulls them toward him. "I'm sorry," he says quickly, surprising you.

"Oh, Peter, honey, why are you sorry?" You question, instantly worried.

"It's been weeks and I've barely told you anything. You've been finding out what's happened through Ned and Happy and- and even Mr. Stark- and never once have I just sat down and told you. I owe you that much, don't I?"

The heartbeat in your chest quickens at the prospect of Peter offering to open up to you, truly, for the first time in weeks. This isn’t about you, though. It’s never been about you.

"You," you assert, pulling his hands back toward you, "don't owe me anything, Peter Parker. You don't owe anyone. If you want to tell me about everything that happened, then I will listen until you've got nothing left to say, but you have never been obligated to share anything more than you are comfortable with. I don't need to know every detail to know that I'm going to support you in any way I can until you don't need that support anymore."

As you speak, you watch Peter's reddened eyes widen in surprise, shift to your held hands, soften, and then move upward focus on your own. When you finish, they seem to have taken on something that you can't quite read.

You don't get the chance to think it over, because Peter has very suddenly taken his hands from yours and brought them up to your face. He pulls you forward and leans in, almost hurriedly. Without any warning, he's kissing you.

Your mind is in a million places, eyes blown wide in shock- realizing that maybe the other expression on his face had been more akin to disappointment than it had been disgust when you had come so close to kissing him that first morning- rendering yourself unable to process what's going on at the current moment, but Peter is there, unmoving, warm fingers splayed across the sides of your face-

He pulls back, expression open and affectionate and absolutely heart-wrenching, and your chest nearly collapses. "I think I want you to know about it all," he says, pushing a bit of hair behind your ear, "If you've got the time."

It's hard to respond when he's stolen the air from your lungs and frozen you as still as a statue, but you just manage to pull it together enough to respond, "I've got all the time in the world for you."

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