#Theyre so pretty and fill me with
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The seasonal depression (if that's the right term, idk) of like. It's hitting more than it has in the last few years that I miss Christmas with a few specific people. Back in Virginia. This really started this week when I saw pictures of Adam and his wife and kids walking through the Christmas lights tunnels in Maymont and that hit me like a truck and also made me feel... softly nostalgic but since then it's been more little bits that filter in, of missing very specific small things. Places. I ran across a Simpsons quote and I remembered it whole and I just got a pang that I miss my brother Michael. And I know a lot of it is just dumb fuckin nostalgia popping up and that the past lies, and that a lot of what I missed can easily be replicated or bettered somewhere new, but. Idk. Im just really sappy and sentimental for the Christmas lights over the Maymont tunnel and wishing I could walk it with (not my brother brother) but the people I thought were brothers/people I thought would always be in my life.
#Reminder bryan you are allowed to grieve for people that are gone from your life#Even if it's because they were shitty people that you moved away from#And not ever really your brothers#Even my actual brother Michael and I havent had much relationship for over a decade#But also Adam taking his wife through the lights at Maymont#Makes me think of me and Jackie taking the same lights#And how that was one of the best dates#Best nights hell#Of my life#Abd the nostalgia sortve spiderwebs like that#Idk#Its all a bunch of dumb sappy feelings#I didnt expect to be so strong#Like I havent MISSED Christmastime in Virginia or hanging out with Adam in the last two years even#Its just#The lights#Theyre so pretty and fill me with#Wistfulness?#Hard to explain#Im not really getting whats in my head this just sounds like sentimental drivel to me#I just miss it is all#Anyway#Long tags are long#Long post nobody read
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ty to @icedmatchawoatmilk13 for sending this to me! i may have gone a bit overboard but this was so much fun to fill out/think about BAHAHA💖 ill still never get over how perfect the song sarah smiles is for them...the lyrics AND the fact that its an alliteration...im gonna do an animatic about seb and clora to that song one day i swear 😩 ((blank template by oakwolves!))
#like fr....'i was fine just a guy living on my own/waiting for the sky to fall/till you called and changed it all doll' LIKE!!!!!#makes me think of seb just waiting/dreading for anne to die but then clora comes along and changes everything/saves anne AND him#ok sorry my squeeing and yapping about how perfect this song is for them is done#choccyart#clora clemons#the hardest part of this chart for me to fill out was the starting arguments one honestly...but i think theyre pretty even LOL#clora is the ROOT of their arguments usually and then seb just reacts to her bullshit......so its a 50/50 LMAO. cause and effect#also sebs pda WOULD be at 100% if not for clora LMAO#and sorry for making seb h*terosexual😔 honestly i cant see either of them with anyone else hes just clorasexual tbh#also if i could have given seb an autumn birthday I WOULD HAVE but i needed his bday to be early on in my fic...for reasons...#looking at aquarius personalities tho i DO think it unintentionally suits seb a lot#i wouldnt have made cloras bday in april either if i could have chosen freely i would have done either summer or december#but then again i just recently learned that the birth flower for april is DAISIES!! so its perfect🥰#youd think i would know this since my bday is also in april LMFAO i like how i only care/do this research when its about my ocs and not me#BAHAHAH priorities!!!
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Yknow what. Rank all the main themes from the Professor Layton series, I'll go first
#professor layton#im bored and i think thisll be fun to do with everybody :] (my thoughts while putting together my tierlist in next tags)#lost future and spectre's call themes sound like theyre having SO much fun with the instruments it just simply fills me with so much joy#and theres so much emotion too in there... crying sobbing... theyre ALMOST tied in my heart#similarly with Miracle Mask and I... have a slight bias for songs with drums lol (I say as I put Azran Legacy pretty low)#the accordion in most of these make me SOB inconsolably#I was originally gonna put ED's theme lower but... the lyrics... hey where did that pond of tears come from#THE OFFICIAL ANTHEM FOR LESBIANS (ed theme)#katrielle's theme is better than I remember it being... when the violin kicked in harder my jaw was ajar as i immediately moved it up#I like all of these songs btw none of them are in a neutral or dislike#Mystery Room might be last but honestly I'd like listening to it as idle music
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i just think it's really funny when people try to argue with headcanons. bro you're not gonna Facts and Logic your way out of rick sanchez being trans. rick is trans because i am trans and i like him.
#nobody cares but this specific headcanon does have more layers than liking the character for me#not in the arguing for the validity of it kind of way but like the reasons it makes me happy#he's old af and older trans characters are very important to me#because theyre simultaneously examples of survival and trans people not being some modern trend#him being canonically queer and autistic makes me so happy partly because while he is a unique character he does fall into some archetypes#archetypes which are pretty much exclusively filled by cishet neurotypical men#so by the same reasons that him being pan and autistic is exciting#mr “smartest man in the universe” that can do pretty much literally anything except be happy over here being transgender is dope af actuall#but yes he is also trans because i like him#rick and morty#rick sanchez#trans rick sanchez#transgender rick sanchez#trans rick#headcanon#my nonsense
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hiiii friends!!!!!☺️❣️ it's me!!! the blog formerly known as Hyunubear!
I thought I should re-introduce myself (and pretend im normal sldjfld) since im getting into a new fandom! 🙄👉🏻👈🏻
I'm Niki, you local kpop hag (28), sometimes I make gifs but mostly i shitpost. I think I really only know 6 groups in totall but I mainly post about vixx, monsta x, and now ✨️seventeen✨️ (who stole my heart on a random friday).
I really wanna make carat friends and moots ;;;;;; my ask box is always open and i love chatting abt anything and everything!!!
#interact if u see babes!!!!#why did this lowkey feel like filling up a dating app profile sijdfij#im too old to figure out how to make a... card? is that what its called?#i don't even have a propper desktop theme or whatever#anyway#im pinning this so my old moots dont get confused with the new look and for (hopefully) new carat friends to get to know me a bit uwu#i feel like getting into carat fandom should be relatively easy since carats and monbebe always had a really good relationship...#aren't they called 'sister fandoms' or something?#it was so easy to get into seventeen bc i already knew half of them thru monsta x being friends with them (and theyre also pretty popular)#i hope my monbebe followers arent too annoyed :( im still a monbebe and will be screaming abt monek!!!#but with 5 of them in the military there isn't as much monek content...#i will stop rambling now <3
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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I translated seb's car names to Latin right? The next step of mental illness is to assign all the different Holy Roman Emperors' Latin mottos to drivers LMFAO
#for some reason i thought only the baroque guys had them#but nope! goes back pretty far. not sure how far yet but back until the 1500s at least#and idk?? its sick to me ig???#its very funny to imagine them scribbling out different latin phrases and trying to choose which suits them#^ im not sure how they chose them id have research but thats my headcanon LOL#especially charles vi bcs he had diaries so all i can imagine is him filling up pages w different options#OH MY GLD ALSO#so charles v right. pretty prolific emperor i think#guess what his motto was??? 'plus ultra' 😭😭😭 oh my god#also some guy's was abt Caesar and i didnt look too closely but i like to think he was a history nerd sjkflg#but anwyays already have nando and seb's 🥰🥰#god theyre like way too fitting it scares me#seb's 'through persistence and courage' especially#^ im gonna make a post abt that soon bcs in the last ep of the Brawn doc +#+ christian kept talking abt how seb never gave up hope for winning that wdc and its SOOOOOOOOO fitting its crazy#also nando's 'by love and fear' is just. yeah. (cant be assed to remember the Latin itself sorry)#but yeah idk lookign at them. i think irs be funny to assign them 😭#not even 'which emperor is this f1 driver like' but 'which motto fits them' :D#the peak level of brainrot tbh#catie.rambling.txt
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The secret to good school is good funding. One day, I dream of a world where all schools have options for their children. Personally, I think it's pretty important for that sort of thing to start out early. See if you're actually into that think BEFORE you're 100k in debt and hating your life.
My area has some awesome architecture. One time, I wanted to do a project on it, and my teacher said it was too complicated. I cried, like genuinely left that class, found a place to sit down, and just cried. The buildings were pretty, and I wanted to talk about them. I really do love the amount of thought put into those buildings. The people who made them are dead, but their art is still there. A bunch of dudes 100 years ago sat down and designed this theater. Then more came in and built it. And here I am, sitting there.
Architecture is so awesome in the way that it's interactive. It can survive longer than any human.
definitely!! being able to explore interests before you gotta choose one for your career is soso important i rlly wish i got to try out some more shit before i had to settle on smth
also sameee my city has a lot of old architecture (especially my school. some of the buildings are falling apart but they're very old and very pretty) and im like just in awe of it like architecture is an art but it's more than an art because unlike a lot of art it's not just something to look at it's somewhere someone lives or works or goes with friends and makes memories like a lot of art doesnt have a practical function but architecture does and it serves as a setting for so much of people's lives and that's really impactful and so awesome because there's architecture everywhere and it's all so beautiful *dreamy sigh*
also sucks that ur teacher sucked i hate when teachers/profs won't let you do projects on what ur passionate abt like passion is the basis of learning why aren't u supporting that....
#ask#i love architecture buildings r so pretty my school especially like i hate school but im like so scared to have to leave campus and all my#favorite buildings like i think buildings are unique as an art bc they have a sense of nostalgia that a lot of other art forms dont and they#hold a lot of memories and like there's so much variety esp in cities like the way different buildings work off each other is sp beautiful#and like the scale pf buildings make them so impressive like esp if youve watched them get built like buildings just feel so powerful#theyre made of so many little parts that come together and they can be changed and made new and they can be a beautiful facade for ppl to#look at and they can be filled with ppl's lives and ugh i love buildings i love architecture#like literally our city has quite a few nice buildings that ive had to have ppl drag me away from staring at them and everytime i go to#[redacted city] that has So many different architecture styles like im chatting during the whole time im there about the new modern styles#that are being built and the more established areas w old townhouses and how they play off each other and abt the placement of certain#buildings at key points for how they affect the skyline or how the heights of some buildings are used to draw more attention to certain#areas and ough. also hadnt been mentioned yet but i am also the same way abt landscaping i go oughh oughh fhe color choices for the bushes#against the bricks oughhhhh the way they framed the yard the way the garden plays off of yhe suttounfung buildings oughh#im kinda like that abt everything though if something can be framed as an art im like drooling and banging my head against the wall and#going oughhhh can u see the vision i see the vision everyone come snd look at this and see what the artist was intending to achieve w this#it is my horrible beautiful whimsical heart that makes me yhis way
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before i never used a sketchbook bc i was like "what if i ruin it", but its really good actually. its small so i can bring it places and doodling is less of an Ordeal. contents are not easily visible unless someone opens it, so less What If People See Me Draw Terrible Things. the pages filled so far are mostly just practice stuff and i dont feel compelled to show anyone so im drawing for my own enjoyment rather than For Others more and more which is doing me so much good.
#tütensuppe#yes i also fell for that social media thing where people 'show their sketchbook' and ots all pretty polished stuff#so i was sooo anxious about just putting in dumb shit#i also get anxious about 'wasting materials' but thats what theyre for!! they wont become better if i dont use them!!#and if the book is filled up or my pens are empty i can get replacements#the most exciting thing though is that im taking up space#no more drawing to take up as little space as possible!!#this is related to the wasting materials part as well#bro tungle logged me out while i was writing this post. rude
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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Birthday boy got his cake!!!
Lovingly made by me and a-yao hehe
#i forgot to buy candles ToT#also. wanted to decorate the cake all pretty with cloud patterns buti dont have any of my baking supplies or piping bags with me in my new#flat :')) did find blue food colouring at least hehe#they are filled with the things i found in my cupboard so chocolate and red bean paste and almond flakes and you know what theyre GOOD OKAY#didnt realise his forehead ribbon had fallen off for the photos bit its his BIRTHDAY he is allowed to be unrestrained anyway :)#lan xichen#xiyao#plushchen#plushyao
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ive watched 3 seasons of 911 in a week. and yeah i also watched the last two s7 eps that came out. yes ive seen spoilers for like the whole show and im still having fun. and hey, the next ep doesnt come out till may so i have time to catch up! (i dont think itll take me three weeks to watch three more seasons)
#you ever see fan reactions to stuff especially ship stuff and youre like#oh my gos theyre exaggerating theres no way its Like That#and then you watch the show and it is REALLY Like That and you have to come to terms with oh...#theyre not wrong?? anyway thats what im experiencing with buddie rn#and i love all the other characters too soooo much especially chimney hes my second fav after buck#julian watches 911#<- tag just in case but i dont think ill be posting many personal takes here since im zooming thru the series#i didnt think i was gonna get into this#i watched the ep with the kiss cuz i wanted to be all supportive of bi guy rep#figured i wouldnt be able to follow anything else cuz i didnt know the story or characters but it was really easy to understand?#and then later that night i just...started s1. annnnd kept going#i thought the accidents and calls eould be Too Much for me but my morbid curiosity won over in the enz#now i think im desensitized to pretty much everything bloody lol#gotta say the calls they take are faaaaaar more interesting than any kinda cop or detective show ive seen in a Long Time#and the characters really fill it in and make it better#so yeah i am having fun w this
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#sorry ranting again but#tw weight#i shouldn't eveb have checked my weight yesterday#i feel so disgusting doing anything today#like everything that i generally donr associate w weight is now reminding me like oh youre doing your daily walking but ur still overweigt#i cannot do anything normally without thinking about it#and its been so long since i hated myself this much this is so annoying#im scared whike filling uni forms because i think oh they will reject you cuz youre fat#even though it has nothing to do w my appearance at all#i didn't feel like cleaning my room today but then i was like oh youre ugly and disgusting at the same time ??? atleast clean your room#im trying to reason w myself but it's just not working#i skipped class today but i have to go tomorrow and im so scared cuz i dont really have friends there#but theres some nice girls i talk to once in a while and they have told me things like 'youre so pretty' 'i love your hair' etc#and i know because i usually do well in mock tests and dont annoy anyone... nobody really hates me#theyre pretty chill#but im still like oh these guys are gonna laugh at me or talk like did you see her today she couldn't have gotten worse#thankfully our break time bw classes is shorter now so i wont be eating during break because i always refuse when someone else offers me#i think the one girl i do share food w and talk to quite often is skipping tomorrow so im extra scared#i dont eveb know anymore#og
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ooc: stands here covered in blood holding starbucks in my reusable travel cup
#;; ooc.#do y'all still love me after dipping without a word again dignskfnfosj#not me trying to fill out a job application at 1am and then being like 'why wont my brain make the words go'#TRYING NOT TO GET PSYCHED OUT my god i hate this shit#pretty sure theyre not supposed to ask you half of the shit they are asking so im just#going to research a few things after i have slept to get a refresher on what my rights to privacy are#sir this is a local grocery store not the secret service i just want money can you give me the job or not#anyway im gonna be away/lurking for a while longer fam squad while i miss talking its been nice to have a break and just focus on irl things#two wins! washing machine has been repaired and i finally got my hands on some second hand boots that i have been hunting for 3 years#the seller was super nice and put up a buy now option when i asked if they would :)))#OH also got a new microwave AND managed to free my garlic bread from the broken one (it required surgery) (taking it apart)
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filled with horror and fear and dread <- me when someone interacts with two or more of my blogs unprompted
#like what do you mean you found 2/? of my blogs in this webbed site of bajillions of blogs#its only happened a select few times but every time is has i instantly worry that person knows they're both me#while realistically theres pretty much no way they'd be able to tell they're all me unless i explicitly say so#it still fills me with so much dread that they Might know its me#you cant just go around uncovering a critters stuff like that. really not good for the enrichment of their environment#but actually it is pretty funny to see someone randomly find more of my stuff without knowing theyre all me#i feel like a little spy holding so many little secrets#and its also cool to see that 'oh! you like all these little things too! cool!'
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