#They don't get that having chronic pain means making it to class is a struggle and that finding work is extremely difficult

[brick-van-dyke]

A little ramble about Socialist Alternative, leftist radicalisation and privilege. Mostly a vent of sorts so it's going to be messy.

//TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts, effects of capitalism on mental health and physical health, mentions of systematic abuse and oppression, etc.

"What radicalised you?"

If you're familiar with Australian leftist politics or just been to an Australian university, you've probably heard this line from Socialist Alternative at some point, particularly if you're a young leftist. At first, I personally didn't know how to answer this, but now? Now I do:

That's the wrong question, it's not about what radicalised me, it's about when I realised I wasn't allowed to exist. I think my main distrust of socialist alternative can be drawn here, as much as I respect their activism (as much as I don't like certain other parts of it and the organisation itself because of how it functions and is set up, among other things) and how they've helped the movements around me grow, I don't like their ethics because it always centres on feeling in the right when, honestly, that isn't what this fight was ever about. It's not simply about what pushes people to some realisation that capitalism isn't working, for many of us, it's about realising when we noticed that we were broken clogs that would always be discarded; realising that we wouldn't even live past 30 in a system that sees us as faulty parts and that'll end with us either starving to death or choosing to kill ourselves to have some semblance of control in a system that is so damning that it actively tries to kill us. And no I'm not even exaggerating, especially when it comes to disability and generally most marginalised groups. It's actively hostile to people like us.

This is taking out one strong example for myself here, but I just feel like every interaction has had an undertone of not really understanding the gravity of what's at stake on an individual level. I think, like Marx, they really don't have anything to lose but their chains, but for the rest of us? We have our lives, something I think others just can't quite comprehend here when I say being anti capitalist isn't a political choice, it's a matter of life or death because here just isn't any other option in order to survive. Don't get me wrong, I agree with Marx on many things, but I do think there's a difference between able bodies, white, middle class activism because capitalism is uncomfortable compared to when you're a minority that's doing this to be allowed to exist, and specifically I think there's a powerful element of privilege that's ignored, especially in the case of socialist alternative. Again, I respect their activism, but this dynamic of power and push being from a white, abled and middle to upper class lens (yes there are people who are minorities within the org, but they don't hold power and much say imo) has led to, in my view, a distorted sense of reality and, more pressingly, policy and vision that is about saving the working class rather than making a world where labour isn't a price you have to pay in order to be allowed to exist. It's not just the exploitation of the working class, though that's a huge part of it, it's also how hostile this system is to people who can't be used; who can't work or who are seen as dirty or wrong for trying to.

So when asked "so, what radicalised you?" I can only really think to reply with "when I realised that wanting to die wasn't my fault, but the people around me that convinced me that my lack of ability to produce is somehow my fault and that I somehow don't deserve basic survival". Because that's the reality and I think, at least with the SAlt members I've spoken to, that isn't something that's really understood; the gravity of this situation on a personal level and that it's not as simple as doing something to make yourself feel good or to have a moment of pride, sometimes (or oftentimes) it's literally survival.

Most of all, I think what cements this for me is the reply I get to when I've asked (genuinely and in good faith) about allegations about their internal environment being "toxic" and "cult like" and, as I explained to them, this is from many different people from different friend groups who all don't know each other but have had he same experiences:

"They're just jealous of us and our activism."

But jealous of what? In a fight for survival, none of us have the opportunity to feel jealous over how it's done because this isn't about feeling a bit better, it's about being allowed to exist. I think this really is what made me realise that this isn't about the right to live for them, but the ability to feel good for fighting on the behalf of people like me and my friends. And, to me, that's something to have healthy caution over when pity is how people have tried to control minorities in the past, and in my own personal experience.

[lastoneout]

It's also like super fucking infuriating to see people continue to argue that generative AI is the best way for disabled and/or poor people to make art because like, you know what helps make art more accessible? Giving poor and disabled people money.

Like take me for instance, I'm disabled. I get severe migraines and intense leg/back pain if I sit at my computer for too long, my hEDS makes holding pens and pencils hard, my ADHD makes it hard for me to start certain tasks and/or stop them before I potentially hurt myself, my neck also hurts if I look down too much, my dyslexia AND my ADHD both make it difficult to keep track of a story as I write and use correct spelling and grammar, plus, I need to prioritize taking care of myself and going to appointments and keeping my house clean and that takes up a lot of my free time. All of these things make creating the kind of art I want to create difficult if not occasionally impossible.

So what do you think would solve my problems better? Giving me money so that I can have a drawing tablet and desk chair that won't hurt my neck or back, another tablet + pen and a lap table and comfortable body pillows for drawing in bed, easier transportation to my doctors appointments, effective treatment for my chronic pain and migraines, the ability hire someone to help me keep my house clean, a spelling/grammar checker that isn't complete ass, and a therapist and psychatrist who can help me manage my ADHD better?

Or an AI program that takes my input and spits out a drawing or story made of stolen content glued together that, in the case of the art, I cannot meaningfully edit without starting over, which also destroys the environment in the process?

Seems pretty obvious to me. I don't need AI, I need help to manage the things that are actually stopping me from being able to write and draw.

Or take my mom. She's had severe rhumatoid arthritis since she was a small child, her hands are deformed and she relies on her wheelchair to get around. She doesn't need AI to help her paint, she needs special paint brushes she can actually hold, a table her wheelchair will fit at, and someone to help her with personal hygiene/keep her house clean/take her to doctors appointments so she actually has free time to paint.

Does that poor kid growing up in public housing with parents who are too poor to afford art classes or supplies or to send them to college really need a computer program to draw for them, or do they need support to help them take those classes, buy drawing supplies, and money so they can go to college.

Blind people can paint, deaf musicians exist, people with missing limbs find all sorts of ways to make art, people with parkinson's paint with typewriters, my mother can't hold a normal paintbrush and she makes some of the most beautiful watercolor paintings I've ever seen, Van Gogh had bipolar disorder and only sold like one painting when he was alive, I mean for real how many different artists have you heard of who's biographies start with them being born into poverty?

This is not meant to be inspiration porn, these people are just ones who were able to find ways to make art despite their struggles. They shouldn't have had to struggle at all, but god imagine how many more artisrs and writers we could have had if none of them had to overcome those struggles. It breaks my heart to think of all the wonderful art that never got to exist because no one helped the people who could have made it actually have the time, money, support, and safety they needed to make it. AI would not have saved them because making art isn't the problem, being disadvantaged is the problem. Living in a world that refuses to make room for you is the problem. Being fucking poor is the problem. Humans have always found ways to make art despite huge barriers, the solution isn't a computer that makes art for them, it's SUPPORT AND MONEY SO THEY CAN OVERCOME THOSE BARRIERS AND MAKE THEIR OWN ART.

As a last example: I love watching dancing and I would love to be able to dance, but I'm terrible at it(I got kicked off a dance team for not being able to learn the dance at all despite spending weeks on it, idk my brain wasn't made for dancing) and my disabled body makes it more pain than pleasure if not actively dangerous, anyway. Having a robot dressed to look like me dance next to me while I get to watch would not make me feel like I'm getting to dance. It would actually be extremely fucking demoralizing and frustrating. I would hate that!!

Having an AI spit out a painting or book would not make me feel like I got to paint or write a book. It's a fucking anamatronic doll running on stolen ideas and it will never be the same as getting to actually expirience the joy of creating art first hand. AI is not the solution. Helping people who need it is the solution. And I am CONSTANTLY pissed to think about all the time and money that goes into these fucking AI programs that would be better spent helping disabled and poor people get the help they need so they can make art themselves, all while the people running the nightmare plagiarism pollution machines pretend that their horrible inventions exist to help people like me.

[kaboom--bitch]

I wasn't even in front for this but I'm still so mad at the medical system. We called an ambulance for someone having a lot of issues (breathing difficulty, feeling like fainting, throwing up repeatedly, in excruciating pain, struggling to speak) because of pain from a physical injury and we got told by the dispatcher that this "isn't an emergency, I'm not sending an ambulance" and kept getting cut off while trying to explain. All because we made the mistake of answering honestly that they have anxiety when asked about the mental health condition history of the person.

Why the fuck does someone having anxiety mean that you're just going to discredit everything else? Why is this honestly a common thing for people to do? At least, when we went through school, if you had anxiety and went to the sick bay/nurses office for any other reason they assumed you were "just a bit anxious" and didn't actually take the time to listen to you. They sent us back to class with chronic migraines that have hospitalised us before because of how fucking little they care about mental health. We've had shit like that happen to us in hospitals too, they just treat you like you're being dramatic and you're a bother.

Who fucking CARES if someone has anxiety? Who cares if their physical symptoms might "just be an anxiety attack"? Who cares if you think they "don't really need help"? Even if someone is "just" having an anxiety attack, you're not fucking helping with the real physical and mental strain on that person by brushing them off for "just" an emotional issue. You're fucking cruel. And it's so fucking horrendous that the fucking medical system so often does this too--the people who you'd think would at least vaguely get it.

There's a special kind of pain when you grow up hearing "always call this number in an emergency to get help!" and "help is out there, go to this doctors office" and "help is just a phone call away" and you get hit with the reality that sometimes, even if what could help you is so fucking simple, you can't get it. Because the very system designed to help you is also designed to just take your fucking money, make you conform, and can just decide tell you to fuck off even in a crisis.

Don't discredit anyone's pain because of a fucking diagnosis they have. It doesn't matter what diagnosis, if someone is in pain, LISTEN.

[crazydaymycrazyway]

Song Taewon is an amazing character. But I kind of hate him. I mean, I get where his actions come from. Like, in the end it's for the safety of Yoojin. I hated how obsessively protective Yoohyun was of Yoojin. But it mellowed down somehow, and ultimately, he learns how to be protective without having to think if chaining up his brother. And Yoojin was also able to convince him to change his ways. But this man, Song Taewon. I understand how he is afraid of himself and hates himself amd think he's a monster and all, and I do feel for him. I kind of understand him too, like where it's all coming from. But like, it's for your own good so let me just choke you so that you know how dangerous S classes can be, and by giving you this trauma, you'll stay away from them. I understand there's a power imbalance between Yoojin and Yoohyun, and the S class brother can easily abuse the frail one. Taewon's right on that part. But his actions somehow make me think that he wants Yoojin to stay away and be afraid of his younger brother. Like, think about Yoojin's wishes here? Man knows how dangerous it is and he still chose to take the risk, because he knows it's worth it. And it's not like he was fairing any good without Yoohyun anyway. Drinking and smoking away, depression amd stuff (Eventhough it was mostly because of Yoohyun's later actions)

Song Taewon's like, lemme reduce the rank of your skill and proceeds to reduce the one skill that keeps him mentally sane? Like dude, do you know how many nightmares and trauma that fear resistance helps to keep at bay? I know he doesn't know it. But still. He did it so that Yoojin wouldn't come near the S classes and also so that the S classes won't salivate over his doubling skill. He felt the power and exhilaration and he liked it, it was addictive and he got afraid of it because it's hard to control his desire. But dude, it's Yoojin's own skill and he decides what to do with it. I understand if he was going around and murdering everybody or something. But he's literally what? Helping so that dungeon raids become easier and the society could be more at ease? Uprooting the association's corrupt parts? He's using his skills as he pleases without negatively affecting the world. And like, you come and do this sh*t? Who is he to decide this? For Yoojin's protection? Well congrats man, you just made his life more miserable. More nightmares, more trauma and anxiety. Yet he continues to do what he does, this time struggling even more. As if what he faced isn't already enough. You use your skill on another guy for his 'protection' but he cleary doesn't want you to, and you forced it on him. Like, dipsh*t, where's a person's freedom of choice here? What if the skill he deranked was one that reduces the pain he feels and what if Yoojin had some kind of chronic pain? Well, your decision to 'protect' him will cause him to go through hell! Isn't he a guy with self control? Can't he think?! I hated this about him.

But I do understand where he comes from. Doesn't make me hate him any less. It might've been the paranoia or something. And he might've thought it to be the best course of action.

But dude, if I had a dream of being a model, and my dad goes and says it's dangerous for you and there will be creepy people staring at you so you can't be one and forcefully make me chose another path, saying it's for my own protection, am I supposed to feel good? What about what I want to do? My freedom of choice? You can't just force me to do something I don't want to. It's not like I'm causing the society any harm by pursuing my dreams? (Just an example)

Song Taewon's a civil servant, he has duties and a very important role in the stability if the society. I understand. I also understand the inner turmoil he faces. But I hate him.

His dynamic with Yoojin and Sung Hyunjae is quite amusing though. I'm not shipping the three of them, I will never. But it is cute, like I'm introverted and unworthy of love, I'm a monster and the other two go aigoo, who's my little monster, my cuddly bug, you're so sweet, so big and intimidating but so cute. It's funny.

But I hate him to guts. Just my opinion though. I think his character is intresting and a little funny, but that's it.

[finn-writes-stuff]

are you still accepting headcanon requests ? if yes, please can I request having an s/o who has pain issues due to an old injury and struggles to sleep alone? with Percy, Vax and Vex if possible 🥺

Chronic

It is always easier to fall asleep with their arms around you.

Percy, Vax & Vex x Reader

Fandom: The Legend of Vox Machina/ Critical Role

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: Brief mention of nightmares

Gender Neutral Reader

Masterlist

I am so sorry to everyone following me for other fandoms right now, My brain is full of tlovm content and it is all I am writing -Finn

Percy

Percy also struggles with falling asleep alone due to frequent nightmares, so this arrangement suits you both.

He sleeps with his arms wrapped around your waist to keep you close to his chest. It lets him know that you're both safe.

If there are any other things that tend to help with the pain, he'll try to add them to the nightly routine. He enjoys having a specific routine before getting to bed, and adding steps that make it easier for you to get to sleep makes sense.

If you wake up in the middle of the night, he's a fairly light sleeper and will likely wake up as well. He doesn't complain though, only does his best to help you fall asleep again.

He is too stubborn to wake you up when nightmares wake him though. He's a hypocrite about it.

Vax

Vax loves sharing a bed with you but he can be awful to sleep with. He's all long limbs and he spreads out in his sleep to take up the entire bed. He also runs cold and piles on blankets.

He will do his best for you though, even if it's difficult to keep everything under control in his sleep.

The most effective strategy is usually tangling his legs with yours and falling asleep looking at you. He's more curled up, and he falls asleep smiling.

He is good with his hands, it's part of his class. So this man gives master-class massages. If that is able to ease your pain, take advantage of it. If it doesn't? Still take advantage of it.

You can't love one twin without being close to the other. Don't be surprised when Vex falls asleep in the same room after Vex does something stupid in a fight.

Vex

Vexhalia is a big cuddler. It doesn't matter how cool and composed she is during the day, at night she is used to having someone to cling to and If you're in the bed with her, you will not escape it.

She tends to either lay on your chest or have you lay on hers. It means you guys are about as close as can be and she can play with your hair as you fall asleep.

If you leave too much extra space on the bed, Trinket will take it as an invitation. Vex is bad at discouraging this. Trinket does function like a space heater though, so he's very helpful on cold nights.

On bad nights, when you can't get to sleep even with her there, she will stay up with you and chat as she holds you. Even if she can't help with the pain, she isn't going to leave you to deal with it alone.

Vex really enjoys having a stupidly large bed because she is used to people pushing their way in. After a particularly harrowing adventure, you may find Vax and Trinket both there. It's just part of sleeping in her room.

[petra-creat0r]

Naomi Ref

Oh gods this took me forever. The Chicago ref was in... October? Dear lord...

Info under the cut.

Naomi the Fish

They/Them

Voice Headcanon: Michaela Dietz

Full name: Naomi Quinn Pisces

B-Day: May 30th 2122

The sheet might say they're the youngest of Undyne and Alphys's kids but that only applies for their biological children. Naomi's adopted human sister, Annie, is actually the youngest

Even among Naomi's clutch mates though, they were the runt

Very chaotic and rowdy like CK, likely how they get along.

Even despite their high energy though, Naomi still experiences chronic pain, which means they sometimes struggle doing the things they want to without aids like their wheel chair or crutches

Their soul trait is a mix of Bravery and Justice

Naomi's primary magic is electricity magic, which they can shoot as lightning bolt bullets or throw as lightning bolt shaped spears.

Naomi is rather active and sporty, taking part in as many extracurricular sports as possible from soccer, to track, to even hockey. Their favorite sport is soccer

Even if Naomi plays hockey, they still don't particularly like the cold, considering their a fish monster like their mom.

Naomi is obsessed with westerns, much preferring cowboys and guns over magical girls and giant swords like their siblings or parents.

Has a toy stick pony they have declared their trusty steed and named "Stick"

Along with their prosthetic leg, which they wear since they were born without one, Naomi also has a tiny tail.

Naomi's scales are likely tougher than the average fish monster's scales, more resembling a lizard's.

They also have sharp teeth like Undyne, but a buck tooth like Alphys. They often use their teeth to bite things they really shouldn't, like rocks.

Naomi's Dark World weapon class is a gun.

Their Dark World appearance heavily resembles a cowboy and shares a color palette with Bitsy.

Their secret boss companion is Bitsy. Sometimes Naomi wonders if their and Wilbur's secret boss buddies got mixed up due to how different Bitsy seems from themself.

Naomi's other best friend is Britni, who doesn't seem to mind their chaotic nature.

Also good friends with their clutchmates, Mako, who was adopted by one of Naomi's uncles, making them cousins now.

Favorite show is a Space Rangers of the Wild West, a western set in space that they often watch with their younger sister, Annie.

[shiraishi--kanade]

An aspect of Saki's character that interests me as a disabled person who, admittedly, only keeps up with Leo/need at a very surface level (not for the lack of interest but because if I tried to be invested in 4 more characters my head would explode): a) how did she and the rest of the girls meet b) how did they manage to keep their friendship alive considering Saki's prolonged hospital stays.

I think there's... A weird kind of isolation that being chronically ill from a young age brings into your life.

You see, I was never a popular kid in class, okay? Very obviously neurodivergent, absolutely socially clueless, and frankly a bit of a stuck-up asshole in the way straight A's kids in elementary school tend to be. Even so, I had a couple of friends. The ride or die friends for a elementary student, which usually amounted to stuff like going home together and the like.

Until the second grade, that is. Which is when I got sick for the first time, had to spend half a year in quarantine, and acquired a heart condition that would later lead to my lifelong disability.

I'm not about to say my friends abandoned me immediately when I returned to school because that would be untrue. As a child, you're really struggling with the concept of invisible disability, I think. As hard as is was for me to accept I'll just Be Like This, for my friends it was basically non-existant.

But there was a difference. One of the best runners in the entire school suddenly no longer able to run. Constantly dizzy. Constant headaches. Missing school. Having to tap out of activities early. Adults interfering with your plans and fussing more than normal. All of the things elementary aged kids took Very Seriously and I was suddenly not able to participate in most of them, while my injury remained absolutely invisible to everyone else.

I don't think they ever ditched me outright. Nobody told me they didn't want to hang out anymore. I don't think anyone does it that way; it's mostly just slow, painful realisation that people invite you out less and less, until it's not at all. Gradual isolation.

Also, even if you're feeling fine about doing stuff, there's a non-zero chance the adults around you wouldn't. I was not allowed to participate in PE anymore. I still had to be there for the headcount, though, so with that done I'd just sit there on the bench for an entire period. You know, like a loser. Which isn't a good first impression make when you join a new class.

I was, and still am, very frail. This fact was made very loud and obvious by the adults around me, to their credit, in my best interests (or so I hope). You know what happens when kids get told "hey, this thing is very frail - if you touch it they wrong way it'll break and you'll have Consequences"? They will either avoid the thing in question with all the power they have at the fear of accidentally breaking it, or smash it head on to see what happens. Neither of these were pleasant to deal with.

Which is to say: loud announcements that you're disabled whether or not you want to disclose that because the homeroom teacher decided to make you a good example during the "how to treat people different than you nicely" morning assembly is not a good friend maker either. Even well-meaning ones come with presumptions, and are very quickly to fall out once they realise you're not the timid and shy disabled kid they've been fed the idea of.

Anyway, considering the above said: my experiences make me so so very interested in how exactly Leo/need friendship happened and stayed alive for this long, through so much stuff, especially considering whatever Saki was going through was much, much worse than I.

[carrotcouple]

World Lupus Awareness Day!

Hello, Hi.

So today is World Lupus Awareness Day. As just a normal person but also as someone with a younger sister who has Lupus, I feel like it's important that I help spread some awareness!

For those of you who don't know what Lupus (also known as Systemic Lupus Erythematosus), is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy body tissue! I recommend that everyone look up more details!

Lupus or SLE's symbol among patients is a purple butterfly which is symbolic of the butterfly rash that some patients experience. Some symptoms are swollen and pained joints, fevers, chest pain, hair loss, fatigue and more.

A lot of this I have looked up (am looking up as I type so that I make sure I am accurate) and have also witnessed first hand. My younger sister was diagnosed with SLE in 2020 and was experiencing symptoms as early as 2012.

I'd like to talk about my younger sister in this post to just illustrate what she has going on and how things look for a person with Lupus (SLE).

My younger sister has Lupus Nephritis Class 1 (which means that she has Lupus in her kidneys), Discoid Lupus (which affected her scalp and caused immense hair loss, she still has scars from which hair cannot grow), Anti Cardiolipin Antibody Positive (blood clots could kill her or cause miscarriages so she's aways on blood thinners but this also means bleeding of any sort takes time to stop), Alpha Thalassemia Minor (similar to sickle cell anemia, she has tear drop shaped red blood cells), Chronic Interstitial Lung Disease (or also Restrictive Lung disease, she finds it incredibly hard to breathe in any situation where the air is humid and some days just normally she struggles to breathe).

All of these have made her life incredibly difficult. She is managing all of this with medication, however, medication only helps to manage it and some days are harder than the rest. Being a full time worker is hard. She had to drop out of college because she couldn't handle being a full time student, meds are incredibly expensive and what's worse is, because she looks normal on the outside, people don't accept that she's essentially disabled. (She's currently looking to apply for disability). A lot of days are just impossible for her but she keeps going because healthcare and legal help for people with SLE (or health issues in general) is so hard to get. Her mental health has to be constantly managed so that she eats and therefore can also have her meds.

Despite all this she finds it in herself to smile and do things she enjoys!

So! Yeah! Today is Lupus Awareness Day! Please share this and also look it up to learn more about it! Especially since I don't know everything obviously!

[soupandspoonies]

So, today was a long day. I was supposed to be on campus today for a class, but I started getting a migraine on the usual 2 hour bus ride, and had to make my way back home in an ordeal that took about an hour and a half.

It's been crazy weather where I live recently. It's either slightly above freezing with rain or -20° c and snow. Today was a -20 day with some flurries, and with my headache disorder I am very sensitive to air pressure changes so the crazy weather means my headaches and migraines are acting up. The cold also messes with my joints so today has all around been a bad pain day.

I had so many goals I wanted to meet today and a migraine just totally destroyed what I had planned.

My headache disorder was the first illness to show up when I was a kid (it's actually going to be 10 years in March), and I've had migraines since I was a little one. I am very familiar with my headaches and migraines and the signs that I am experiencing one or the other, but today the migraine caught me completely off guard. It's been so frustrating having to completely rework my life around these headaches and today was such a strong reminder of that.

I feel like instead of hoping for the day that the headaches go away I've started hoping for the day I truly get used to them.

Throughout the last soon to be decade, I've gained a lot of experience in living my day to day life with a constant pain in my head. I am certainly not who I once was, but I can manage some days to do a lot more than I thought I would be able to before. I've kinda lost my sense of what is "really painful" because I am so used to an intense baseline of pain. I struggle to say my headaches have become any better since their development because I think my standard of painful has increased. I don't really think I feel pain like a normal person anymore because of it.

My sister has been sick the last week and she has been getting all of the aches and pains in her joints and whatnot that comes with that. Anyways, she turned to me a few days ago and asked me, "is this what you feel like all of the time? How do you do it?" I just turned to her and said "Yep. With practice."

No two people feel their pain the same way, a clear given, but her sentiment was 'how do you deal with the constant pain?' and I'm reluctant to say it's something I've "dealt" with. Yeah, I can go about my business as normal on good days, but I am always aware of the pain - it's hard to ignore a constant pressure on your skull with stabbing pains. I still have to fight with my feelings about everything I have to give up. I will never "get used to it."

I think it's hard for people who have never experienced chronic pain to conceptualize what chronic pain really means. There are many things in life that hurt, but they have the confidence that the pain will end eventually. Scrapes and blisters and broken bones heal. They can't fully wrap their minds around a pain that will not end, it will not heal - it will always be there.

I genuinely don't wish this kind of understanding on my worst enemy. With everything that has developed with me, I am barely half the person I was before. Half of my time alive has been spent in constant pain.

One rant later I can confirm I am feeling better than I was this morning (the five hour nap and day spent in the dark really helped). My joints have been hurting like crazy today but my migraine has calmed into a slightly elevated headache. I should probably try sleeping but of course the nap messed up my sleep schedule so I am not very sleepy. I do smoke weed (I'm in Ontario so the legal age is 19, I don't wanna get reported for smth lol), so that's my current activity and I'm hoping it makes me eepy.

I hope everyone is doing the best they can. Everyone gets 1,000 hugs and a bowl of soup from me today :)

Soup 🍃🍲

[ebonysficcollection]

BNHA Fic Recs: Family/Friendship Feels

make this feel like home by carolinaa

The Todoroki siblings all come together for Christmas for the first time in years when they hear that Endeavor will be out of town during the break. Very painful, but also the most realistic depiction of estranged siblings that clearly love each other, but don't know how to act around each other. Fantastically written, and it's told from Natsuo's perspective, which is a refreshing take on this genre of Todoroki family recovery fics.

Tickets to the Todoroki Trauma Drama Are Buy 1 Get 1 Free by miniongrin

Touya and Fuyumi are twins and get body-swapped and learn about the lives they've developed since being separated and grow closer as a result. Fucking hysterical, great characterization of Fuyumi specifically, and surprisingly sweet and sad when it wants to be.

journey to the past by aloneintherain

When Izuku's classmates are pro heroes, they time travel back to when Izuku was little and save him from villain attacks repeatedly over the course of his life. This is heartbreakingly sweet. It shows all of Izuku's baggage and loneliness while simultaneously giving us the best friend bonding that is Pro Hero Class A playing with baby Deku. It's like getting an ice cream after getting decked in the nose.

Confusion by bortzy

Todoroki and Kirishima bonding over being gay. That's kind of it, but it's cute. I like Kirishima and Todoroki being friends. It's just uncomplicated friend stuff.

Movin' Out by momojirounation

Todoroki and Yaoyorozu not knowing how to function so they ask their partners for help. Very cute and funny, I love platonic Todomomo, and also they're both autistic, which is just--yes.

i. shaky hands by rexcorvidae

Izuku has chronic pain on account of being the human embodiment of poor impulse control, so Dadzawa steps in and helps him deal with it. It's just nice. It's just nice seeing people treating Izuku well. It's vicarious catharsis.

If We're Being Honest by thequeenofwhump

Class 1A is hit with a truth quirk that causes them to spout "fucking word vomit" for almost a month, and because no one can lie, all the couples get together in, like, the first chapter, and it's great. It's hilarious, especially the internal narration of the characters, and there's a lot of really good friendship moments between everyone involved, and I do mean everyone. It's not just the usual angst-ridden characters like Todoroki and Bakugou. I have a whole review typed up for this bad boy, but I'd say it's worth a read.

Imperceptible by lunarecrypt

A Hagakure-centric fic was something I did not know I needed, but now I'm glad I have it. Hagakure needs stealth advice from Todoroki, and she finds out the barest bones of his backstory and why he is the way he is. I always love fics about less popular characters, and I especially love them when they're told from the perspective of an underappreciated character. I really like Hagakure, and I wish there was more available content about her.

Terrible Twos by PotterheadAvengerDemigod

Midoriya is hit with a Quirk that de-ages him back to when he's four years old, and since Bakugou is the only person he knows and remembers, Bakugou has to babysit him. Tooth-rottingly adorable and features Bakugou struggling not to swear in the presence of innocent baby Deku, lest his friends hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper. It's great, fucking love it.

all according to keikaku................. by carolinaa

Kirishima gets sick of Midoriya and Todoroki's pining, so he decides to flirt with Todoroki in an attempt to not-so-subtly force Midoriya to confess by taking advantage of Midoriya's competitive streak. The characterization is really solid and features teenagers being teenagers, with all the hell that is high school put on full display. I just love it when class 1A is depicted as just the most Gen Z kids to ever exist. This fic is almost literally every conversation I've overheard or been apart of in homework group study sessions. It's great.

(Honestly, just go read everything by this author).

bff (brother friend forever) by carolinaa

A collection of snapshots showing Iida and Uraraka's friendship, where they're really just bratty siblings that love each other just so much. As always with this author, great writing style, fantastic characterization, and hit me in the fucking feels.

(Seriously. Read everything by this author. Especially if you want good Erasermic and Todo-family fics).

[squarebracket-trickster]

Happy STS! I haven’t done many asks today so:

Which of your characters’ lives would you want to live, if any?

What is your “writing kryptonite?” (I.e. something you struggle to write)

If you could give your younger self any kind of writing advice, what would it be?

Happy STS to you back, my dear cheeto!

Which of my character's lives would I want to live? Oh gosh... I have an OC named Tonwynn. I think I'll pick her. She's from the same universe as Sylah, Darius, and Iliri. She's the crown princess of a politically stable constitutional monarchy with a socialist democracy and comparably low-wealth inequality to the other states in this world. Even the monarch is paid a middle-class salary. Tonwynn gets the ego-stroking perks of being a princess but it's not nearly as unethical (or demanding as a role) as it could be (I mean, I have my opinions about constitutional monarchies in general but I think my anti-monarchy stance would leave me pretty fast if I was royalty myself. I like being special). She is also the only female royal character I have that doesn't have inter-generational family trauma. She has an impeccable fashion-sense (though she has short hair and I don't want short hair... that's really the only point against her.) I'd pick Sylah except that the poor girl has trauma up the wall and chronic pain. Tonwynn is the next best choice for characters that make out with Darius.

What is my writing kryptonite? hmmm... to be honest I actually think it is worldbuilding. It's weird because I am a spec-fic writer through and through and worldbuilding is kinda the backbone of the genres. I struggle to commit to ideas because I like every detail to have significance. It's why I tend to do the bulk of my worldbuilding after I have written two complete drafts. If I do too much worldbuilding before I write the first draft I find I end up abandoning it all because I didn't need it or it feels too random. Sometimes I will avoid a project for months because the worldbuilding feels too arbitrary and it is trapping me creatively. Writing is like solving a sudoku for me. One addition helps me figure out the next. If there is no rhyme or reason behind an addition I can't use it to figure out the next piece in the puzzle.

Advice to my younger self? Keep your momentum going by any means necessary. Itching to get to the whole plot written down but trying to think of a non-clichéd way to say something is slowly you down? Write the cliché. Next. Have a scene you feel the urge to write now but you don't know how to get there? Just write it anyways. You'll figure it out later. Next. Can't think of the word you are looking for but you know what needs to happen next in the scene? [ ] and move on. Next. Stuck on the worldbuilding but have a plot? Worldbuild after your first draft. Next. Stuck worldbuilding but itching to do cuts and rewrites? Worldbuild after your second draft. Just. Keep moving forward. If you see a way, take it. Don't take the fact that you aren't completely stuck for granted.

[astridthevalkyrie]

the other thing with being the Eldest Child is that you're constantly trying to make everyone's dreams come true/make things work out for them, but try and make 5% of progress towards your own dreams and, well, all hell breaks loose. also when you ask the youngest one to do some simple task (like practice piano for 15 mins) and, whilst playing games, they whine about how they never get to relax and how tiring their simple hard day at school was.

not to mention how everyone assumes you love responsibility, when in reality you were just forced into being responsible bc you're the only one level-headed enough to see the bigger picture :/

🫣 i am so sorry sophie - i'll shut up about this now lol

no no love you don't have to shut up about it! it's completely fine to vent, and i am more than welcome to hearing about eldest child struggles. i don't necessarily relate about the sibling thing because as of late my sisters have empathized and helped me where they can, and my mom has definitely not spoiled them lol (#abuseforall). but i do know what you mean about hell breaking loose when you try to make time for yourself.

lately i've been, done? with my parents. i've told my mom i'm too tired and i can't listen to her complain about her in laws all the time. i'm already sleeping on the couch with chronic back pain every night, i obv have classes, i'm working two jobs, i'm president of three clubs, secretary of two, and treasurer of one. i'm a rep for a bar prep association. i'm still trying to have some semblance of a social life to maintain connections. i'm exhausted 24/7, i never have time or energy to write or do any other hobbies, and so i think i've finally reached my limit in that i could not care less about my mother right now. and even saying that is so.....of course i care. of course i don't want her upset and depressed and anxious. but i have already lost years and years of my life, my childhood, and my happiness because of her. i am on meds right now and struggling with depression because of the trauma she gave me. and if i keep sacrificing, there won't be enough of me left for myself, let alone anyone else i'd like to help.

i don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult, please don't forget that. you are an adult no matter how anyone treats you. people treat you like an adult and expect you to behave like an adult when it's convenient for them and they want to treat you like a child when they want control over you. i've discussed this in therapy—how when my mother scolds me or yells at me or has a freakout at me—sometimes i revert back to a little girl, even though at this moment, she controls much less than she'd like to. she can't take my phone or cut off my communication. she can't take my car. if she kicks me out of the house i have options. if your parents or even your siblings are acting like children, then be the adult in the scenario and refuse to let them take that from you.

a few weeks ago my mother walked into my room and told me to block my dad's family members on my phone. i told her no. no skirting, no maybe, no i'll think about it. no. they are my family, and she can cut them off or refuse to visit them, but that is her decision, and my decisions are mine. and you don't have to be cruel necessarily. but be firm. she asked me if i was choosing them over her. i said no, but i told her that just like she wouldn't block her brother should he do something terrible to me, i won't block my family either. my mother acts like a child when she doesn't get her way. she relies on emotional manipulation and abuse to get what she wants, and now that i recognize that, i don't care. i am not letting her have what she wants, and i refuse to be her punching bag.

and if you're not an adult, you are still the eldest. i know you may not have all the freedoms, but you will, and i want you to do everything in your power to do the best you can for yourself. take care of yourself the way you would your sibling or anyone else. i know that no one cares for us. that we end up caring for everyone else. add yourself to everyone else because you need care. reach out to your friends. reach out to anyone who can help or even is willing to listen. and if you're exhausted, rest. unless something is banging down your door, rest. things can wait another day. even if that means laying on your bed and doomscrolling. even if that means doing absolutely nothing, if it means you don't have the energy to brush your teeth for a few days or to clean or to take care of others, that energy will not magically appear if you keep pushing yourself. rest. please.

my inbox is open. if you'd like me not to answer or post an ask, let me know and i won't. i'll simply read and think of you and wish better things for you. i hope things are good for you today, and in the future. you're so hardworking, and so brave, and so talented. think about all you do, recognize you're incredible for doing it, and give yourself a break.

[bindupthesebrokenbones]

Sometimes wellness blogs focus so much on making self-care and wellness look fun and aesthetic, that they forget to even talk about the hard part of self-care. Or perhaps they choose not to, because they don't want to or aren't ready to discuss the struggles that they battle every day.

And that's okay, but it's important to remember that those hard parts do exist.

Today I want to talk about the hard tasks involved in self-care.

Before we start, I want to make it very clear that the purpose of this post is not to put pressure on you. My goal here is not to invoke guilt, self-hatred, frustration, or shame. Firstly because this is, first and foremost, a Safe Space, and secondly because causing those emotions is not going to help you.

That said, if you find yourself feeling any of those things while you read this post, I encourage you to take a break, get a drink or snack, and come back to this later.

The Dark Underbelly of Self Care

That sounds ominous, doesn't it? I wanted to drag a little humor in here kicking and screaming to make this easier. It's not easy to talk about these things, and I'm sure it's not easy to hear about them.

This past week, readers may have noticed that I struggled with posting. That wasn't the only thing I struggled with - this was a bad week for me, and that's why I chose this topic for today.

I'll break the post down into my usual self care categories, and you can decide which ones are your weakest and focus there, or you can read the whole thing. It is a bit long though, I apologize.

Physical

Physical self care means taking care of your body. When we focus on the bright and beautiful side of things, this means spa days, nice food, and plenty of rest.

What else? What else does your body need to be healthy? Things that might be hard for people with mental illness to do on a regular basis include:

Showering

Dental Hygiene

Medication for physical illness (diabetes, chronic pain, thyroid conditions, high or low blood pressure, etc.)

Eating balanced meals

Getting plenty of hydration (preferably water)

Getting out of bed

Mental

Mental self care is about keeping your mind sharp. You might do this by doing puzzles, playing strategy games, or taking classes to learn new things.

The hard part of mental self-care is that people with mental illness often struggle with memory loss, confusion, aphasia (being unable to think of common words), and creativity, or lack thereof.

It's important to keep up with thought and creative activities to maintain your mental wellness, even when it gets frustrating.

Try:

Taking a class

Choose something to research on your own time

Complete word puzzles (like crossword), number puzzles (like sudoku), or cryptograms

Creative challenges like prompt lists, "30 days of...", or art games like pictionary

Emotional

A lot of self-care blogs (myself included at times) will focus on things that make you feel good. But if you're struggling with emotional wellness, you also have to remember...

Taking medications (like antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, etc.)

Practicing mindfulness and grounding exercises

Acknowledging your mistakes

Apologizing for causing other people distress or pain

Taking responsibility for your actions - even accidents and actions performed while under the influence or during an "episode"

Reaching out for help

Attending therapy or counseling sessions

Social

Social self care can sometimes be the hardest one to advocate for. Some people may take a "focus on yourself" approach, which emphasizes setting boundaries, saying no, and blocking out time for solo activities. Some people take a "reaching out" approach, focusing on building relationships, engaging in social activities with friends, and developing family bonds.

The hard part of social self care is balancing it all. We all have different social needs and tolerances, and developing social care skills is going to be difficult if you're trying to follow someone else's formula.

Hard social self care can include:

Setting boundaries and enforcing them

Reaching out for help

Saying "no" to requests

Balancing solo time with social time

Stepping away from social media

Saying "yes" to events and activities

Leaving the bubble of your comfort zone

Spiritual

Spiritual wellness is all about finding your purpose in life and developing your morals. If you're in a spiral of not knowing what to do, what the point of living is, why you should even try, you might need to focus on some spiritual care.

This doesn't have to be religious, and none of my listed suggestions are religion-locked. Give some of these a shot, even if they're a challenge for you.

Volunteer

Meditate

Keep a journal

Practice forgiveness

Donate to a cause, if you have the funds

Environmental

Environmental wellness is the hardest one for me. This involves keeping your home clean enough to be a healthy place to live, and it can be frustrating. For environmental self-care, please remember to:

Wash the dishes

Take out the trash

Sweep/Vacuum/Mop regularly

Put away things that have been sitting out (declutter)

Treat your home for pests

Clean your windows and open the shades during the day (if it's not too hot)

Change your HVAC filters every 1-3 months

Clean up after your pets

Many of these activities can be beneficial for multiple categories of care, and you may need or struggle with some of them more than others. That's alright. Struggling means that you're still learning, still developing an understanding of your needs.

Please remember to take care of yourselves, and I'll see you tomorrow.

[dinosaurcharcuterie]

Let's add to this that this is still happening.

I've got colleagues who didn't know any young adults with [chronic illness]. Because they only hear about it in the context of someone either needing care (such as 6-yos needing prescription medication, or aging parents needing a ride to the doctor), or if it's something inescapably visible.

I can't have diabetes, I've been told by coworkers, because I don't slip into a coma if I eat a piece of cake, or inject insulin during a casual conversation, or measure my blood sugar every hour. We work at a health insurance company. We pay out metformin and co like they're smarties and argue about how CGMs are advertised as "with free shipping!!!" until someone with decent insurance buys some.

I can't have a social anxiety disorder, because I don't spend my time at work sobbing behind my keyboard. Again, most clients with psych issues make their own phone calls without having a breakdown.

How can have fibromyalgia? I come to work on foot so often! I have weekly physical rehab class! It can't be that my medical team told me to try it and stick with it if it reduced pain, that makes no sense!

Adults are taught or simply have the freedom to manage their conditions on their own terms, meaning there's less social ripples about it to make them visible. Add to it that the most severe versions of any condition are used as illustration in media and art, and suddenly someone using their inhaler effectively enough to prevent attacks doesn't have asthma.

People fervently want to believe chronic illness and disability are some kind of scary monster than comes one night and chains you to a bed or a wheelchair or an oxygen mask and locks you away from society. It can't be "well, I'll be fine as long as I take two pills a day, with food" or "nah, I can walk 7 km at a pretty decent pace, as long as there's no stairs" or even "this phone work is scripted, I'm good as long as I've got a cheat sheet". If that were true, it could happen to anyone. Or they might have something, and could feel better if they just [e.g. cut apples from their diet.] It would mean you have to keep in mind that someone might be struggling instead of selfishly making everyone's day worse for no reason. You'd have to come to terms with a lot of effective medicine not being curing an illness, but simply making life livable.

Blaming it on fairies and whatnot is easy. But in 20-40 years, when your grandchild McKellsellaleigh-Bloomstorm gets diagnosed with Hashimoto's and told they need a levothyroxine monitor and implant, there's a fair chance you'll have plenty of friends claiming "that disease just didn't exist when we were young."

[dismalrain]

F*ck The Tortured Artist Trope

I hate the tortured artist trope. I hate in my daily life and I hate it in art history.

TLDR: Being in pain, disabled, mentally ill, having an addiction doesn't inherently make you a better or more worthy artist. The more you suffer doesn't mean your art will become better and you don't need to suffer to be a great artist. Don't let the tortured artist trope make you fear getting help and putting your mental, physical, and all other well-being above all else.

I think that everyone in their life faces some sort of hardship, struggle, and that some people may have more of those that culminate than others. I do not believe that the more you suffer the better you are as an artist.

I think that philosophy puts young artists in the mindset that the more they suffer the better there art will be; also that if you're not suffering you don't have what it takes to be a good artist.

I was self-taught, then I started taking art classes when I started my undergrad, now I'm getting and MFA to be an art teacher (out of spite).

So I'm in my third year of university when I take the beginning/introductory art class. I have my OCD diagnosis and I'm over a decade into constant medication changed for my chronic illness (also like four step dads, being groomed online as a child, one step threatening to kill me and my partner, other nonsense). So we need to make a collage out of a sensation/feeling of our choice and then explain our decisions.

So I make a collage about my experience with debilitating paranoia that made me essentially agoraphobic and incapable of sleeping without someone in the house with me. This was all a symptom of my OCD, I'm medicated and I'm doing a lot better now.

So I'm talking about my piece, popping off, explaining all my shit and she's like 'well everyone experiences that, that's not hard to relate to' and I'm sitting there in my bed, at 7:30 pm on a Zoom meeting talking about my journey to getting medicated for a mental health condition that had me socially isolated to the point of being scared of my phone notifications. I thought it was out of touch but I ignored it and then my classmate was talking about her issues with disassociation and not being able to be in touch with her body and she said the exact the same thing.

I was thinking 'no, I don't think we experience that to the point of dropping out of society for weeks on end' I was not jiving with this teacher. It was one of the few times I didn't like a teacher because their personality just was an ick for me. But then we get to Van Gogh chat and she goes on, and on, and I mean a whole ass powerpoint about how his art is so inspirational because it was born out of mental illness and drug addiction. How if we wasn't suffering we wouldn't have been blessed with such divine works.

That's one of my hard stops. I do not think it's fair to say that Van Gogh's work is all mental illness and drugs. I do not think it's acceptable to say without mental illness he wouldn't have been great, wouldn't have been a painter, and anything else of that nature. I don't like it applied to me or anyone else either.

I'm scared that if we spread the idea of the tortured artist, artists will be scared to get help when they need. If we equate artistic genius and skill to the more we suffer, what protects young artists from the belief that they need to pursue suffering to improve. What protects mentally ill artists from the belief that they won't be good anymore if they seek help if they need it?

I have never really thought to myself that my art is what it is because I've had painful and bad experiences. I make art that helps me cope sometimes but I also make character designs. Of all the artists in the world I don't think work that is born out of suffering and turmoil makes it better inherently, it might just be that we at times seek out the tragic to make ourselves feel less alone. But I don't think that is what defines our success.

Take care of yourself. If someone tells you something about the importance of the tortured artist, I hope I can be a case study to show that my art is still good even though I'm medicated for my OCD and neuropathy now. I hope soon I'll have a pain protocol that makes living easier. I'll likely always be disabled but I don't want to always be tortured because of it.

If I'm off the mark as all hell let me know. I always want to know other people's thoughts and experiences and this is a topic that I think is particularly interesting.

[apenitentialprayer]

Any advice or readings for someone who would like to get back into Christianity but is scared to? And who finds it hard to believe?

I grew up in a Christian household (kinda- my dad was religious and we sometimes went to chruch but there was also a lot of turmoil in my home, so while we were religious we weren't exactly RELIGIOUS. If that makes sense.) and God used to be a great comfort for me. Back then, I think I used to think of Him and Jesus separately from actual religion. I believed for the most part, and I prayed, and it would make me feel better.

My first doubts of His existence was in a 9th grade science class. For obvious reasons. I remember feeling really depressed about it. That was almost 9 years ago. I've struggled on and off with my belief since then, but within the last few years, it seems I've just completely lost my ability to believe anymore. I have a lot of bad things in my life, a lot of bad things have happened TO me. I suffer with chronic major depression as well as a disability I got after graduating high school.

The thing is, despite my doubts, I've tried renewing my faith but when I began getting too deep into it, I got scared. I feel like I'll never be able to fully commit my life to God and after hearing people say that unless I do that I'm doomed or whatever, it frightens me. So I ran from it all. And now I'm back to square one, only this time I'm not sure if can get back in. If I can believe again.

Sorry if this ask is all over the place my thoughts are scattered at the moment! And btw I'm aware I be putting a lot of pressure on you to help me find God again or whatever but please don't feel burdened. You can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink and all that haha

Hey, anon. First and foremost, I want you to know that I am praying for you. And no matter what decisions you make, what path you start going down, I will continue to pray for you.

Since you asked for a reading, I would really recommend Mere Christianity, which goes over the basics and offers a little bit of a defense for major Christian doctrine - though if it's specifically science stuff that has the doubts coming in, I don't know how helpful it will be in that regard. I might recommend The Problem of Pain, also by C.S. Lewis, if you're okay with at least being open to some pills that are difficult to swallow.

I'm now going to offer three pieces of advice; and if they're not helpful, feel free to ignore them.

First, it is okay to live with conceptions about the world that are in tension with one another. Very few people have thoughts running around their head that are completely consistent and non-contradictory. We're human, with divided loyalties to different values, and limited in our perception. That does not mean that we shouldn't be looking for truth; but we don't have to fit into neat little ideological boxes, and we definitely don't have to be certain about every little thing about a lifestyle in order to start practicing the basics of that lifestyle. If we waited until we were 100% certain of a course of action before starting that course of action... well, there would be a lot of things in life that wouldn't get started. Second, there will be times, even among "religious" people, where God doesn't seem particularly real or active. The spiritual life is unfortunately not all sunshine and rainbows. I know that there are definitely times where I struggle to live as if I believe in a God. But the thing about faith is that it is not quite synonymous with belief. Even if I have my doubts, I can still have faith; one can still live their life as if there is a God without being one hundred percent certain there is one. It's the act of surrender, of placing your trust into this idea who is hopefully not just an idea but a living Person, that is important.

Third, and most importantly, it's okay to keep it simple for now. If this desire to renew your faith is overwhelming, or if you get nervous or scared at the potential gravity of this, that's okay. But you don't need to look at this as an all or nothing thing yet. Start slow. If you want to do more, by all means do more, but maybe start with five minutes of prayer every day. Talk to God. Tell Him your doubts. Tell Him your frustrations. But also talk about your day. Sit there silently and just think of Him, if nothing comes to mind. Faith is a relationship, and sometimes it takes time to get comfortable with relationships, right?