#somewhat personal ig considering it involves my sister

[carrotcouple]

World Lupus Awareness Day!

Hello, Hi.

So today is World Lupus Awareness Day. As just a normal person but also as someone with a younger sister who has Lupus, I feel like it's important that I help spread some awareness!

For those of you who don't know what Lupus (also known as Systemic Lupus Erythematosus), is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy body tissue! I recommend that everyone look up more details!

Lupus or SLE's symbol among patients is a purple butterfly which is symbolic of the butterfly rash that some patients experience. Some symptoms are swollen and pained joints, fevers, chest pain, hair loss, fatigue and more.

A lot of this I have looked up (am looking up as I type so that I make sure I am accurate) and have also witnessed first hand. My younger sister was diagnosed with SLE in 2020 and was experiencing symptoms as early as 2012.

I'd like to talk about my younger sister in this post to just illustrate what she has going on and how things look for a person with Lupus (SLE).

My younger sister has Lupus Nephritis Class 1 (which means that she has Lupus in her kidneys), Discoid Lupus (which affected her scalp and caused immense hair loss, she still has scars from which hair cannot grow), Anti Cardiolipin Antibody Positive (blood clots could kill her or cause miscarriages so she's aways on blood thinners but this also means bleeding of any sort takes time to stop), Alpha Thalassemia Minor (similar to sickle cell anemia, she has tear drop shaped red blood cells), Chronic Interstitial Lung Disease (or also Restrictive Lung disease, she finds it incredibly hard to breathe in any situation where the air is humid and some days just normally she struggles to breathe).

All of these have made her life incredibly difficult. She is managing all of this with medication, however, medication only helps to manage it and some days are harder than the rest. Being a full time worker is hard. She had to drop out of college because she couldn't handle being a full time student, meds are incredibly expensive and what's worse is, because she looks normal on the outside, people don't accept that she's essentially disabled. (She's currently looking to apply for disability). A lot of days are just impossible for her but she keeps going because healthcare and legal help for people with SLE (or health issues in general) is so hard to get. Her mental health has to be constantly managed so that she eats and therefore can also have her meds.

Despite all this she finds it in herself to smile and do things she enjoys!

So! Yeah! Today is Lupus Awareness Day! Please share this and also look it up to learn more about it! Especially since I don't know everything obviously!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

[sydwrites-things]

Meet the writer tag

I was tagged by @radiowrites :) thank you so much!! <3

Rules: Answer 10 questions, write 10 questions, and tag 10 people

1. Do you change your characters names often or are they set in stone?

Sully is set in stone. It was originally Stella for like five years when this story was about super heros, but as it changed into a murder mystery/“super” ability thing, I wanted something more strange and saw it on Pinterest and fell in love. When I told my sister she wheezed and said it was from Monsters Inc, and I died, but I love it and I’m not changing it. But Winston was originally Will but now Parker can call him Winnie and he gets really pissed off (“only my mom calls me that, douchebag.”) it’s cute.

2. Tell me a piece of writing advice that you actually found useful?

To write dialogue and then go back and add the other stuff. It help the dialogue be more natural and I find that just dumping all the words down first helps my word count tremendously.

3. In your WIP, how many different languages do your characters encounter?

Not sure yet—probably just English since it’s all I know. (Except sign language)

4. Are there books you have read again simply for the enjoyment of it?

The Poisonwood Bible (amazing!.!.!.!.!)

5. Your novel is being brought to film or TV. List up to five musicians/bands you hope they'll approach for the soundtrack.

Oh wow a lot of thinking on this one,,,,Well Ruelle is good for the dramatic songs for trailers and stuff, and I have a short playlist with songs like Muddy Waters and Mama’s Gonna Give You Love and Tumbling Lights But I have no set artist honestly. But making playlists sure is fun (and a good procrastination method).

6. Do you have any personal hobbies or skills that you just couldn't help but give to one of your characters in your WIP? Did they take it willingly or did they hate you for it?

Lmao Sully is an aspiring author, Winston is in love with the camera (photography etc), Parker is an aspiring director, and Meredith is super involved with theater (and therefore dramatic as fuck) but yeah when they met they kinda established roles in order to make their first “movie” and they all stuck with them after realizing they love each hobby.

7. Do you consider yourself part of any fandoms?

Okay I love Stranger Things and Sharp Objects and IT and Grey’s Anatomy And Ghost adventures. The only fandom I’m somewhat active in is ST because I looked at one too many edits back in October and now I can’t escape it on my IG explore page. But I’m not obsessed with it.

8. Have you ever had your characters visit you in your dreams?

Lol no stay on the page you little shits (except for you Winston, you’re doing great)

9. Who is your youngest character?

I’d say Parker is the youngest. He seems like a Scorpio and that would make him younger than Sully who is a Taurus like me.

10. Does your favorite food exist in your WIP?

Sully, like me, loves sweet potatoes. I mentioned it in my first chapter because Sully pukes after her and Charlie get in an accident and she something horrible and I think I mentioned sweet potatoes and my sister read it and just rolled her eyes. But I’ve eaten so many (and carrots) that my skin used to be yellow/orange (it was my goal bc my A&P teacher told me not to)

_____________

My questions (I’m gonna keep some bc I wanna know):

1. What was the last book you read? Did it inspire your WIP in anyway?

2. Do you consider yourself a part of any fandoms?

3. How many words have you written in one sitting?

4. Do you change your characters names often or are they set in stone?

5. Do you have any personal hobbies or skills that you just couldn't help but give to one of your characters in your WIP? Did they take it willingly or did they hate you for it?

6. When did you first start writing your WIP and what was the hardest part to write

7. Do you follow any youtubers that you watch for inspiration?

8. Do you write straight through or out of order?

9. If you could meet just one of your OCs, who would it be and why?

10. If your OCs were all in a burning building, who would you save?

I tag: @progress-in-writing @jaycewriteslikealot @omgbrekkerkaz @hauntingbliss @rewritemywayout @seraphilth @devins-words

(If you do not want to do this, don’t! It’s perfectly fine, just ignore it :)

[surveystodestressme]

48.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 9

801. How often do you change your mood in a day? not a lot 802. When you ask people how they are doing you actually care about their answer or is it just polite? well, when i ask while i’m at work i’m just doing it to be polite but when i ask someone i know, i care. 803. Would you consider yourself to be very polite? yeah, i think so 804. Do you like movies and books that involve nuclear holocaust? sure? lol i don’t think i’ve ever read/seen any 805. Have you ever had a lucid dream (a dream in which you knew you were dreaming and had complete control over what happened in the dream)? i don’t think so.  i’ve tried to lucid dream (apparently there’s a specific way that you have to fall asleep in order to be able to do it.  i don’t think it works tho)

806. Have you ever had a flying dream? i’m sure as a kid i did 807. Have you ever had a lucid flying dream? nope 808. What’s the oddest law you ever heard of? none at the top of my head but i’ve looked up stupid laws before and there is plenty lol 809. What is the ultimate way to connect with another person? just getting to know each other and sharing things about yourself with them 810. Can you be intimate with someone without touching him or her? i think so? sexting ig 811. Can men and women ever really be ‘just friends’ with no interest in anything more? absolutely.  i have plenty of male friends and i don’t have interest in them whatsoever.  813. Are you addicted to this survey like drugs? no lol 814. If your significant other wanted to wait for marriage could you hold out or would you leave them (or would you cheat)? well, if you’re talking about sex we’ve already done it lol.  but if he wanted to wait, i would wait for him.  i love him 815. What’s the longest sentence you can make using only words that start with the same letter as your first name? cierra cried continuously covering curious cats cruelly.  that’s all i got 816. If you had a theme song what would it be? i’d have my friends write it for me 817. Are you cranky? yeah 818. Which group generally annoys you more, people older than you, or people younger than you? people younger than me for sure 819. Do you refer to older people as old farts? lol sometimes 820. Do you refer to younger people as the kids? usually 821. Which is better: Poems that everyone can relate to or poems that are intensely personal to the author? both are good honestly. 822. Is it worse to be too hot or too cold? too hot. 823. Are you so flexible that you can put your feet behind your head? nope 824. Would you enjoy reading fairy tales written about robots? i enjoy reading lots of things 825. Is smoking a turn on or gross? not a turn on lol kinda gross 826. What is the one way you wouldn’t want to die? drowning 827. Which would look sillier on you: A cowboy hat or a Rasta hat? a cowboy hat 828. Would you rather have a job doing something indoors or outdoors? indoors. 829. Would you rather learn more about human nutrition or meteorology? meteorology 830. Have you ever taken honors courses? yeah 831. What do you think of crop circles? they’re weird 832. Where do they come from? aliens??? 833. When was the last time you screwed up big time? a couple weeks ago 834. You have a choice. What do you eat: A veggie burger this one A turkey dog A cheese sandwich 835. Do you get a lot of random instant messages? nope 836. Do you have a paper journal also?

yes 837. VHS or DVD? i don’t care either way 838. Vinyl, cassette tape, or CD? casette man.  i never got a mix tape and i’ve always wanted one 839. Have you ever seen the video/heard the song Days Go By, performed by Dirty Vegas? nope 840. MTV: should it play more videos or more shows? more videos for sure 841. Name a band: five finger death punch Do fans of that band tend to share any characteristics with each other? i don’t know? i guess so 842. What does the expression 'touch and go’ mean? do something fast 843. Caffeine or alcohol? caffeine 844. Betty or Veronica? betty Archie or Reggie or Jughead? jughead 845. What book are you reading right now? i’m not currently reading a book although i need to 846. Is the news too depressing? sometimes 847. Would you rather have a stuffed lion, elephant, pig or duck? pig 848. Are you late for a very important date? not that i remember 849. Ever use star 69? yeah 850. Is everyone as smart as you? sure 851. Have you ever seen the musical Annie? nope 852. Sheets: silk or satin? silk 853. Bath: soap or bubbles? bubbles 854. Your best color: blue or red? blue. 855. What’s your favorite candy? sour punch straws 856. Can you sing? somewhat 857. It’s the end of the world, as we know it. How do you feel? a lil mad 858. You take your little sister (she’s 12) shopping for school clothes. Mom gave you the money to hold. She picks out a skimpy top emblazoned “Hottie” and hip-hugging pants that leave at least two inches of skin north and south of her navel exposed to the wind. She insists: If she doesn’t have these clothes, she’ll look awful, the other kids will tease her, and she’ll feel like a nerd. Do you think she should or should not wear these clothes? hell fucking no Do you buy them for her? absolutely not 859. What do you think is the most annoying cliché? everything will be okay 860. What band is underground right now but will one day get really popular? uhh.. idk 861. Of the following which word best describes you: versatile (flexible): this i guess. wonderful: x-tra special: your own best friend: zany: 862. What does BYOB stand for? bring your own beer 863. Who is sexiest: Marilyn Monroe James Dean yesss Elvis Jim Morrison Madonna Cyndi Lauper 864. Do you always do what’s expected of you? i try to 865. Do you believe everything you hear on the news? nope 866. Would you prefer a $100.00 gift certificate to Hot Topic or Abercrombie & Fitch (assuming neither store gives change, so you’ll have to spend the whole thing)? hot topic 867. Have you ever won a competition? not that i remember 868. Who looks sloppier when they are over weight, guys or girls? either honestly.  but only when it’s severely overwight 869. At what age do you become all grown up? in your late 20s or early 30s 870. Have you ever written graffiti on anything? nope 871. Can you remember what you wrote? - 872. Are you a force of nature? sure??? 873. What do you think of blue eye shadow? How about gold eye shadow? they can look good 874. Would you ever wear any of the following Halloween costumes: Flapper? Hippie? Disco dancer? i’d wear all of them. 875. Should birth control be taught in high school? How about in jr. high or elementary school? yes to both 876. Would you consider yourself a genius? not at all 877. What did you think of the movie Solaris? never seen it 878. Which is usually better movies or books? books allll the way.  but i love movies too 879. Do you think The Hobbit will be made into a movie? it already is 880. Do you research which brands use sweatshops to make their clothing before you shop? no but i probably should 881. What gives you a magical feeling? love? lol idk 882. Have you ever pulled apart a Christmas cracker? i don’t even know what that is 883. Would you rather watch basketball or play basketball? watch 884. Do you think that everyone makes his or her own problems? most of the time 885. Do you often consider how your actions will affect other people? sometimes 886. Are J-Lo and Ben Afleck interesting to you at all? not really 887. Do you use bad grammar or hate bad grammar? i hate it but i occasionally use it lol 888. Make up a tabloid headline: morgan freeman lives forever 889. Do you like to learn new things? yes. 890. What’s more important, fame or personal accomplishment? personal accomplishment. 891. Sweet dreams are made of this….What are they made of? goals? lol happiness??? idk man 892. Two trailer park girls go round the outside…Round the outside of what? idk 893. Are you wearing a piece of jewelry that means a lot to you right now? nope i don’t wear jewelry 894. If someone was going to inscribe a message on a ring and give it to you what would you want it to say? i love you? 895. Guys who are losing their hair: Should they shave their heads? Get implants? Or let it go? whatever they want to do 896. Do rock stars work hard or lead the easy life? a little bit of both 897. How much water do you drink every day? ,maybe a glass of day sometimes more 898. Are you driven or kinda apathetic? driven mostly 899. Who do you turn to when you are down? jack 900. Would you ever wear seran-wrap? no??? lol

[lcncasters-blog]

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

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