#They call it 2023 because you can hold 2023 guns

[thebirdgang]

Yall have no idea what this means to me

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 20 🍒

"Baby Loves Me"

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 8,823 (she's a big'un)

Summary: A blizzard, a wedding, family secrets, and two people who can't stop thinking about each other. Are these fateful events going to drive you apart for good, or bring you even closer together?

(Warnings contain spoilers beneath the cut)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 39, Joel is 56), takes place a few days before Christmas 2023, mention of eating food/drinking alcohol, mention of health issues, oral (m & f receiving), Ellie has anger issues, use of guns for recreational shooting, jealous!Joel, mutual pining, reader wears makeup and dresses, unprotected piv, creampie, TW for minor heart attack and hospitalization (everything is okay in the end), getting back together and having a happily ever after. In this universe everyone is alive and happy.

Author's Note: this series was the first story I ever posted on AO3 and then recently here on tumblr. I had no idea so many people would love it, and it's currently my most liked, most commented-on, and most bookmarked work on AO3 ♥️ It feels so good to finally have this complete, but I will write some one-shots about this couple in the future, because part of me really doesn't want to let them go. Much love to those who stuck around and showed their support while I got this story hammered out. I love and appreciate all of you!

Please enjoy this playlist for your listening pleasure, songs that either appear in the series or provided inspiration

Series Masterlist

It's early when Joel wakes, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he puts his hand to his heart, eyes scrunched closed tight as he prepares himself for the increasingly painful palpitations. He grunts in suffering at the agony of the erratic pounding of his heart, body tense until it passes, and he sighs with relief, head in his hands as he runs his fingers through his greying locks.

It's been almost a week now that he's had these pains, happening every day now that Sarah's wedding day is nearing. He gets them on and off but lately stress has been catching up to him and reminding him he's not in his thirties anymore. Hell, he'd give anything just to be in his forties again.

He gets up to get a glass of water, quickly throwing on a shirt before going downstairs. The house is quiet though he can see the electric glow of the television light on underneath yours and Ellie's rooms. He hesitates just outside of your room, putting an ear to the door, hoping to catch some tidbit of your voice, some clue as to what you're doing in there, but it's quiet, just the low volume of something playing on TV.

With a sigh he goes down to the kitchen.

Alone with his thoughts, affected by the presence of you and Ellie under his own roof, he takes stock of his life, of all the moments he failed you when he should have been there for you.

That first night he set foot back in Austin after serving time in the Bexar County jail, wondering if he should call you, he'd gone instead to a bar and met Hailey. He didn't recognize her at first, but she'd come on so strong, and the alcohol ran freely that night, so by the time he'd taken her home and her warm, tight little mouth was wrapped around his cock, it was too late. He didn't expect that that one night would lead to her wanting more, but by then you were gone, tucked back safely away in Houston where he couldn't get his hands on you and where you could (he'd hoped) in time forget about him. You were too much of a good girl with too much potential to waste it on someone like him. Hailey was someone who was always going to be stuck in a small town, so he didn't have to worry he was holding her back. But he soon came to realize that all they had between them was fucking. Not that he'd ever minded it in the past, but after having you, experiencing what real love was like, what Hailey offered felt like a cheap replacement, and he just wasn't that man anymore. He knew Sarah hated her, so when he caught Hailey stealing from him he knew that was the last straw and ended things.

Sad to say he went back to his usual routine from before he met you. Working from sunup to sundown, coming home with new aches in his joints to a meal Sarah had had to cook herself, or pizza that had gone cold. On the weekends he'd be at the bar, either with Tommy or more often alone, and he'd find a woman and wind up at her place. He could never bring them back to his, not in his bed that he shared with you.

Seeing you in New Orleans that summer night had been a shock to his system. He thought he'd managed to get over you just a little, but seeing you, a little older than the last time, looking soft and happy and bright-eyed as you laughed with Tommy.. and that fucking rock on your finger that signaled you were taken. Something primeval in him stirred when he ran into you in that restroom hallway, your lips full and glossy from making out with his brother, jealousy surging through him that you'd be so willing to cheat on your husband-to-be with someone other than himself.. it led him to want you more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

Leaving you the next day had been the hardest thing, but he had to remind himself you were going to belong to another. He couldn't get in the way of that, not when he'd only shown his love for you by fucking you in a bar restroom. You were going to marry a military man and have a respectable life, that was what he wanted for you. To have a life with Joel would only make you sordid, ripe for gossip. He was old enough to be your father and you were in fact his his best friend's daughter. He couldn't sully your life with his mistakes.

On a last minute whim he'd come to your wedding, sat at the very back as you were oblivious to him, staring into your husband's eyes as you spoke your vows, each word a piece of jagged glass in his heart. He'd left before you could see him, driving back to Texas at a high rate of speed, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. Why hadn't he just objected? He could have done it, raised his hand and told the entire congregation that you were his god damn it. He would have led you out, carrying you bridal style, ripped your damn dress off you and fucked you senseless.

It was later that Tommy suggested the dating app. Joel wasn't a fan of technology, and in fact still had his old Nokia phone that Sarah was warning him was becoming obsolete and cajoled him into upgrading to a smartphone. Once she and Tommy had helped him with setting up a profile on eHarmony, the requests piled in. Women from all over the state showed their interest. He had his pick of almost anyone. While he went on a few fruitless dates (some of which actually ended up in sex) there were few that actually interested him.

Until Tess. She was so much like him, and more suited to his age. A divorcee, she knew what she wanted in a relationship and stuck by her values. Beneath her tough exterior Joel found she was actually very kindhearted, even sweet. She cared about animals, liked beer, and was a homebody. She'd resisted his charms at first, but eventually neither could give in to the spark they felt. It took some convincing to get her to marry him. She accepted only on the terms that he move to Boston. She'd visited Texas a few times on business, but she wanted to stay in the northeast, and Joel, in love again for the first time in years, acquiesced.

The problem was they were too much alike. Both wanted to lead, and while he was happy to let Tess have the reigns now and then, it became an issue. This led to more arguments, tense discussions over things that shouldn't have mattered. The divorce, when it finally happened, was a blessing in disguise. Joel followed Tommy away from Boston and found comfort here in Wyoming, in a place he could start anew.

Sarah had been none too subtle when she brought you up in conversation. "Did you know she's a teacher?" "She's single now, divorced actually." "She's in California with her daughter."

Every damn day there was a phone call or a text where you were mentioned. And now, with you here under his roof at Sarah's behest, it was apparent that she was trying to get you two back together again.

He knew he needed to speak with you about that comment you uttered, about "our" daughter Ellie. He'd done the math in his head, just to be safe, and had calculated that he could indeed be her dad. But he had to get the honest answer from you.

It'd be easy if you would at least acknowledge his presence.

Your cold shoulder is more like an arctic icy blast. Your refusal to even meet his eye is like an arrow through his heart. He wishes that you would at least glare at him, or say something sarcastic or hurtful, but your silence is the coldest thing, even with the blizzard outside.

He's hopeful during one moment the next morning, as he's going into the hall restroom while you're coming out. Freshly showered, you're wearing a towel around your body, skin glowing, hair combed back and damp. The steam that surrounds you from your hot shower makes you look like a figure from a movie, an ethereal angel come to earth. His breath catches in his throat as you look up at him, your beautiful eyes wide and plush lips parted. Then you resume your coldness, pulling your towel tighter around you as you go to your room. When he steps in he smells the jasmine aroma of your body wash still in the air around him his dick hardens in response.

Hearing that Sofia has arrived is the one bright spot in your time here.

You meet her at the Tipsy Bison after everyone has helped out shoveling snow off the path. You'd found yourself working next to Joel and said nothing to him, ignoring his silent appeal for you to talk to him.

Now the crew is indulging in some food and beer at the bar while you catch up with your cousin.

"How did you get in? I thought the roads were impassable," you tell her after a big hug and an introduction to her fiancee Ruby. It had come as a surprise to you when she'd told you she was marrying a woman, but Sofia had said she'd only followed her heart and didn't consider herself stuck to any sort of label. Ruby was the perfect person for her and there was no looking back.

"Tommy sent a pilot friend of his to pick us up from the airport when our taxi couldn't make it through the snow," she says, nearly knocked over as Ellie pummels her with a bear hug. "We were helicoptered in, like a couple of VIPs."

It's like old times as you share a booth altogether, different kinds of appetizers in the center of the table as you catch up on things.

"How did you manage to still stay friends with Tommy?" you ask when Ruby and Ellie go to make change for the jukebox. Hearing that Sofia is staying with Tommy and Maria during their visit, you can't help but wonder how other people can so easily put aside the past.

"I think it helped that we were friends before we started dating," she shrugs. "And.. to be honest, our relationship never got that serious. Not like you and Joel," she finishes in a whisper, darting a glance at the elder Miller brother, who's knocking back some beer with Tommy and a few others.

"Why do you ask?" Sofia continues.

"I don't know how to deal with being under the same roof as Joel," you admit. "Everything that he put me through.. I know we're only here for a few days but it feels like an eternity. It's becoming harder to avoid him."

"You should talk to him," she says gently. "You don't have to be best friends or anything, but you're a friend of the bride. You should at least be civil."

You sneak a look over your shoulder at him, just to find he's already staring at you. You quickly turn away.

"Does he know about.." Sofia motions with her head toward Ellie, who's at the jukebox with Ruby.

"No," you respond. "And he doesn't need to know."

"That's not fair to him," she softly scolds you.

"You are the only one I've trusted with this, Sofia. Please do not make me regret telling you."

Sofia is really the only family you have left. You never saw you father after that fateful night when Joel fought him, and your mother disowned Ellie when she came out, causing you to disown your mother in return. Your circle is small but faithful.

She backs off. "All right," she relents. "But what about Ellie? She'll resent you for keeping this a secret this long."

You watch your daughter, who's drifted from the jukebox to one of the pool tables, mindlessly spinning the cue ball upon the soft green surface. She's distracted when she sees another girl across the room, a pretty dark-haired girl around her own age, watching Ellie furtively, as if fascinated.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Ellie shouts, causing the girl to run away.

"Ellie!" you snap at her, and to your astonishment Joel walks past you to go to her. You freeze, watching their interaction, but all seems to be okay as they talk quietly.

"I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to help her.. she's so angry, especially since the divorce. And Justin rarely ever sees her. The only thing he's good for is the child support." You swig your beer, itching to go and talk to her, but the stubborn side of you refuses to be closer to Joel than is necessary.

Sofia folds her napkin in sections. "She called me and told me about Riley.. and the little mishap at the mall."

Earlier that year, Ellie and Riley had been picked up by the cops for trespassing in an abandoned mall and vandalizing some stores. It was completely unlike her, and even though you both sought family therapy for all the issues you were going through, it didn't seem to be making much leeway.

"She doesn't seem so angry now," Sofia mentions, and you turn to see Joel and Ellie starting a game of pool. You both watch as she tries to pull off complicated trick shots and Joel just shakes his head in feigned frustration. Once again your gaze lingers too long and you lock eyes, but this time you offer a tiny smile, mouthing 'thanks.'

"Hey Mom, can I go with Joel and Finn? Joel said I have to ask you."

You look up from where you're steam-cleaning your dress for the rehearsal dinner tonight. "Where are you going?"

"It's near the woods on Joel's property. We're just going for a hike," she shrugs.

"I guess.. just behave yourself, okay?"

She grins, glad to have gotten permission. You follow her down to the foyer where Joel and Finn are getting their hats and gloves on. "Be careful," you tell them, though it's mostly meant for Joel.

"Of course. You're okay with her shootin'?"

"What?!"

Ellie manages to look chagrined. "I didn't think you'd let me go if you knew guns would be involved."

"Well you thought right!"

"I won't let her if you won't allow it," Joel offers.

"Come on!" Ellie groans.

"Just remember that you're on thin ice back home," you tell her without wanting to let on to the others about Ellie's troubled past.

"Somethin' the matter?" Joel asks, eyes darting between you and her.

"Nope," Ellie's all smiles when you hesitate to answer. "Let's get going!"

She and Finn race out the door into the snowy yard just as Joel stops for a brief moment. "I won't let her shoot if you don't want her to," he says solemnly.

The nearness of him, the rich baritone of his voice could easily bring you to your knees. It feels like a chore just to swallow that emotion and consider it dead, a mistake.

"Just be careful," you repeat, a smile flitting on your lips. Heat rises in your face when you see his gaze drop down to your mouth, his tongue peeking out to swipe across his own lips.

"You could come with us."

Your first instinct is to refuse, to keep that wall built between him and yourself. Good fences make good neighbors and brick walls keep people from reliving past trauma.

But damn it's hard to say no when he's here right in front of you, after all this time, and the parts of you that have healed just want to give in, to go into his arms again.

It's not a surprise when you're in the passenger seat of his truck, like old times. And though it's a newer model and the seats have warmers and the upholstery makes the whole car smell like it was just driven off the lot, in a way it still feels like summer 2003.

Finn's done this before, the apple of his grandfather's eye. Even with the skill of a child, he shoots with ease, knocking down most of the targets Joel had set up on a fence.

When it's Ellie's turn she's eager for the gun, but her practice shots are haphazard: off an old fallen tree, a random snowbank. She huffs in frustration.

"Wide right," Joel tells her. "You're flinchin'."

Ellie shakes her head. "The target's too small."

"I made it bigger than I should've. Eject the cartridge."

You watch your only child move with precision, handling the gun with ease despite being new to this. "I'm not flinching, the rifle just sucks."

You and Finn exchange a look, suppressing your laughter.

"Okay, give it." Joel changes places with Ellie, who quips, "It doesn't aim right, you'll see."

It's hard to tear your eyes from him as he sets up, moving with the ease of someone half his age. "A deep breath in, slow breath out. You squeeze the trigger like you love it," he says, ignoring Ellie's teasing remarks. "Gentle, steady, nice and slow."

"You gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?" she smirks, and when you laugh out loud Joel shakes his head, pulling off the perfect shot.

After, you rest on the tailgate of the truck while drinking warm beverages from your thermoses. Ellie and Finn gather their energy quickly enough, playing in the snow and chasing each other. It brightens your day to see your daughter smiling.

"I wanna apologize for the other day," Joel says, his eyes flicking to you. "I was outta line. I've apologized to Ellie too. I think she and I are good now."

You nod, somewhat relieved that he'd brought it up first. "I'm sorry too. I guess I get pretty riled up when someone tries to out-parent me."

Joel looks away, towards the mountains that peak their grayness against the clear blue sky. "He been outta the picture long?"

"Who? Justin?" You notice Joel winces at your ex husband's name. "Long enough. He was supposed to spend time with her for Christmas but chose his new wife over his own daughter. She didn't take it very well."

"Fuckin' bastard," he mutters. "Always figured there was a reason for me to not like him."

You give him a strange look. "You didn't know him."

"Didn't need to. He took you away from me. That's reason enough."

"Joel," you say quietly, both a scolding and a scoff. You remember his body against yours that night, the way your sheets bore his scent until the day before Justin came back from out of town and you had to wash away the evidence of your betrayal.

"I'm sorry I didn't go after you. There were a million opportunities and I failed each time."

You say his name again, with softness this time, your hand finding his, his palm almost completely dwarfing yours. You think about his fingers inside you, teasing you for the first time, showing you how to open up to him, and how you ended up giving away your whole heart.

In the moment where you can say the most heartwarming or romantic or even angry thing, what comes out of your mouth is: "You never accepted my friend request."

Joel looks puzzled. "What?"

"My friend request. On Facebook. I tried to add you but you never accepted it, so I canceled it." Cringing at your own words, how needy they sound, you take your hand from his, but he traps it within his own again.

"Darlin', I never look at that stuff. I only got one 'cause everyone else goaded me into it." His eyes look mirthful as he sees your doleful eyes.

"And that's how I found out about Tess.."

"Oh." The mirthful look is gone, replaced by a dark, blank look. The first marriage, the only marriage he ever had, so late in life, ended.

"What was she like?"

"Why do you wanna know?" He looks at the ground, as if the snow is so interesting. "What was that idiot fuckboy husband of yours like?"

You almost laugh, surprised that he's jealous, even after you've moved on from your marriage.

"He wasn't as great as I thought," you shrug. "But that doesn't matter now."

Joel smiles, agreeing. "Tess was.. we were good for awhile but you're right, doesn't matter now."

"Because we both turned out okay.. me and you."

He thinks it over a bit, eventually nodding. "Yeah.." His deep brown eyes meet yours, and you catch a glimmer of the man he was before, twenty years past, a single dad with a teenage girl and an interest in the new girl next door. "I'm sorry.. for everything. We happened so fast that my brain had to catch up with my heart."

You're afraid that if you think about it for too long you'll cry and never stop. "We don't have to talk about that.."

He nods, looking a little sad that you declined. "You're right, we don't."

"Look at you with all this land," you smile, gently teasing him to change the subject. "What are you gonna do with all of it?"

Joel shrugs, looking at his property, thinking again of the possibilities. "I might decide to turn it into a ranch, raise sheep," he shrugs. "They're quiet and do what they're told."

He's quiet another moment, before his voice drops an octave. "I'm really glad you came, babygirl.. it's really good to see you. Don't think I said that before."

A smile graces your lips, a genuine one, and the warmth of his words melts what's left of your defenses. "Joel.. there's something I need to tell you.. about Ellie.." The words are out before you even think.

Your heart pounds, taking residence in your throat as if to keep the truth from spilling out. Joel turns his whole body to you. His eyes search yours, without question or condemnation, as if he's willing you to say it because he already knows, because he just wants it made real.

When the moment passes it's a disappointment to both of you. It's getting later in the afternoon and you still need to get ready for tonight. The kids trudge back to the truck and you get in next to Joel in the front. There's a quietness that fills the space, thick and somewhat desperate.

The Tipsy Bison has gone through another temporary makeover for the rehearsal dinner: garlands of lights arch across the ceiling from beam to beam, creating a pleasant, dreamy atmosphere. People mill around waiting for the bride and groom who are running a little late. Drinks are served and tables of food boast different kinds of cuisine.

Ellie makes a beeline for the hors d'oevres, immediately picking out what she wants and stuffing it straight into her mouth as if she hasn't seen food in months. Joel watches her from the next table over, trying hard as hell not to call her out too harshly, but as his stomach growls he joins her in the hunt for sustenance.

A tray of pastel-colored macarons catches Ellie's eye and she takes a light green treat with her fingers. "What are these?" She scrutinizes it, taking a quick sniff.

"It's some kinda cookie.. or something.. how the hell should I know?" he grumbles.

"Pistachio," she grunts in disgust, putting it back on the plate.

"Well, now don't put it back, you've already touched it and sniffed it and everything.." Joel quickly pops the discarded macaron into his mouth.

"If you want 'em they're all yours," she says, giving his shoulder a couple heavy claps before moving on down the line of food.

He just shakes his head, looking around for you for the tenth time tonight, finding you with Sarah and her soon-to-be inlaws at the bar. His mouth goes dry at the sight of you in a dark red dress, long-sleeved, cinched at the waist, and he feels a familiar rush of blood to his cock as he eyes the thigh-length slit on one side of the skirt.

"That color is sensational on you."

You turn to the voice you've just heard, as the group you were talking with disperses.

"Hi," you tell the older, well-dressed man in front of you. "I don't believe we've met." But then it hits you, and just as he introduces himself you realize you already know his name.

"I'm Frank," he says, a Duchenne smile lighting up his features and crinkling the wrinkles around his eyes. He's handsome, and very friendly. And he was friends with Joel during his marriage to Tess.

He introduces you to his husband Bill, who regards you with a certain suspicion and gives a gruff acknowledgement to your hello. "He's like that with everyone," Franks explains in a stage whisper, while rolling his eyes. "He's just a big grump, but I love him."

"I'm a friend of the bride," you tell them after giving your name, and also introducing Ellie, who's arrived next to you with a plate piled high with shrimp, pulled pork sliders, and mini cheesecakes.

"She's a friend of Joel's," Frank tells Bill, as if to clarify.

"Um, yes.. I'm also a friend of his," you agree. Pretending to spot someone across the room, you excuse yourself, giving a subtle motion for Ellie to follow you, but she stays where she is, popping a whole shrimp in her mouth, eyeing the couple.

"There's a story there," Frank says enticingly as he sips his beer.

"What do you mean?" she asks, curious about the gossip.

Bill gives him a look and shakes his head. "She's a kid, she doesn't need your dramatic stories."

"Now I have to know!" Ellie insists.

Frank feigns annoyance. "Oh all right."

He weaves the tale of Joel and his wife Tess: happily married at first, so alike in attitude and hobbies. She thought she knew everything about the man she married, but when Tommy, in a drunken game of poker one night, recalled a certain young woman who Joel knew, a woman who could tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, Joel told his brother, in a similar drunken state, that he remembered her fondly, missed her like crazy, she was the one who got away.

Tess wasn't the type to hound someone for details, but she didn't like there was a part of Joel's past that she didn't know about. Especially if that past was filled with him falling in love with and screwing a college girl. This naturally led to arguments that Tess refused to drop. Joel didn't want to relive that time with you, and insisted it meant nothing since you were well and truly out of his life.

But the damage had been done, and the thorn of jealousy had pierced Tess's heart. You were a stranger to her and still could not be defeated.

Frank recalled with suppressed glee the night Tess had stormed out on a dinner party, ranting at Joel about "not being able to get over a stupid ass teenager" and causing a scene for the others to eat up. It had embarrassed Joel deeply, but when news of Sarah's wedding had become known, Joel couldn't keep it secret from the friends of his ex-wife. He'd come to like them in his own way, especially Bill, with whom he shared a predilection for quiet and keeping to one's self. They hunted and fished like old times and soon enough both he and Frank were invited to the wedding.

"There's a saying that goes," Frank is telling Ellie, "'everyone can see it but them.'"

Ellie glances at you across the room, and then at Joel. You and he trade silent, surreptitious glances at one another, filled with longing. You glance at him and he catches you before you glance away, and vice versa. The signal between your gazes is irrefutable. There's something there, has been all this time. All it needed was a little meddling from Sarah to bring the spark back to life.

For the first time Ellie sees you as something more than her mother. She realizes you had a past, a life before she was born, and a fraction of that life was spent in love with a man she just met a couple days ago.

"Hey Mom, can you help?"

Hearing Ellie, you immediately shift into Mom Mode, stopping your own get-ready routine to assist her. She's in your doorway, holding out her wrists. She picked out the suit herself, but the cufflinks are something new.

"Did you get these from your dad?"

"Joel let me borrow them for today."

It's finally the day of the wedding, and as the ceremony isn't until the evening, the whole house is a kind of organized chaos from morning through the afternoon. As if your nerves weren't already on fire, Sarah had approached you early that morning (fortunately for her while you were drinking your coffee) and asked if you'd replace one of her bridesmaids who'd come down with a cold overnight and couldn't attend.

You'd reasoned with her that you didn't have a bridesmaid dress, but that was easily solved when it was revealed the bridesmaids were all wearing jewel tones, and the sapphire gown you'd purchased off the rack would do just fine.

You had anticipated being part of a crowd. Now you'd be at the front of the congregation, all eyes on you, especially Joel's.

Shaking yourself from your thoughts, you finish helping Ellie with her cufflinks and let her entertain you with whatever teenage thought is flipping around in her brain while you touch up your makeup.

"I'm supposed to meet with Sarah and the bridal party at the church. You can ride with me or you'll have to find a ride with someone else."

"Joel will take me."

You brush away some stray powder on your cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Maybe he could take both of us. Want me to ask him?"

"No--"

But she's gone before you can stop her.

You feel Joel's eyes on you as you during the short drive to the church, and you blame the heat you feel coursing through your body on the seat warmer.

"It's a nice thing you're doin' for Sarah, steppin' in at the last minute," he says, eyes finally on the road.

"I can't let down a bride in need," you say somewhat cheerfully. "She'd do the same for me."

"Maybe at your next wedding." Ellie pipes up from the backseat, and Joel's frown is not lost on you.

The lead-up to the actual ceremony is a blur, as it was at your own wedding fifteen years before. The bridal party clusters around Sarah, who looks radiant, as she promises she isn't nervous. You can sense her agitation in the way her knee bounces as she's seated, one of the bridesmaids doing a last minute touch up to her hair. The air is heavy with excitement, the scent of hair spray and perfume all around you, reminding you that you're flammable.

"Remember this day," you advise her, and she looks up at you with a grateful smile. "It goes by unbelievably fast."

You wonder if you'll ever have this again, the butterflies in your stomach as you wait for the moment when you see your man at the aisle, awaiting you. You were lucky to have it once. Twice would be an anomaly, considering you haven't had a real relationship in so long.

Joel knocks and, granted entrance, the bridesmaids flutter about, getting ready for their entrance into the church. The bride and her father are left alone, no doubt exchanging words of love before he gives her away to her true love.

You had no one to walk down the aisle with when you were a bride, and the memory threatens to cloud your mind as you take your small bouquet of white roses and camellias. "Canon in D" starts, and the line makes its way down the aisle, towards the altar where Theo and his groomsmen wait.

Situated at the altar, the congregation rises as the music changes, and Sarah walks in, arm in arm with Joel.

Your eyes are on him the entire time, and your heart feels to big to fit in your chest. You've never seen Joel in a suit, but this one is perfectly tailored to his broad, strong physique. His hair is perfectly styled, his grey visible through the curls you long to run your fingers through.

When Sarah and Theo exchange vows your gaze unexpectedly meet Joel's and this time neither of you look away. You catch the glimmer of a tear falling down his cheek, which he does not wipe away. The bride and groom's words seem to ring loud and true: a promise of love through hard times and illness; of love that only grows in each others' absence; of love that does not die even after death.

The reception is held at the Tipsy Bison, and you marvel at how it's managed to disguise itself once more from a saloon to an elegant wedding atmosphere. A lot of money has gone into the week's events, and you know it's all Joel's doing. He's giving away his daughter, sending her off in style, giving her a day she'll remember forever.

You watch Sarah and Joel during their father-daughter dance, a tradition you didn't get to have yourself. "I Loved Her First" by Heartland starts up by the band onstage, and it tugs on your heartstrings to watch them. In the back of your mind you see them, Joel still thirty-six and Sarah still fourteen. By the time Sarah and Theo have their first dance as husband and wife you're already in the ladies' room, splashing cold water on your face so no one can see you've been crying.

Later, the bridesmaids and groomsmen have scattered, dancing or drinking at the bar, mingling. You stay at your seat at the now nearly-empty wedding party table, fingers twirling the stem of your champagne glass.

Mired in your own thoughts, you don't realize Joel has approached, crouching next to you.

"Dance with me?" he asks, his voice nearly a rasp with how nervous he is.

Wordlessly you take his hand, which practically dwarfs your own, as he leads you to the dance floor. You fall into a rhythm as the band starts up "Tennessee Whiskey", swaying softly to the music. His right hand rests on your lower back, gently guiding you. Your heart pounds as you gaze into his eyes. You haven't been this close to him since the night you conceived Ellie, the fateful night that threw a wrench into all your plans.

"It was a beautiful wedding," you lean in close to be heard over the music.

Joel shivers at your proximity, the brush of your lips against his ear, and he pulls you a little closer. "I'm happy you came all this way for it. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," you affirm, your hand gliding up to his shoulder.

The air is thick with tension, much like in the days you'd first met. You have to turn away or risk your feelings made known to everyone here.

Ellie's at one of the booths with the dark-haired girl from a couple days ago, watching something on her phone. As the girl laughs you see Ellie looking at her with a warmth you haven't known her capable of for anyone else.

"She's going to hate me for having to take her away again.." you tell him. "I haven't seen her this happy in a long time."

He clears his throat. "Maybe now she has a reason to return." He nods towards Ellie and her new friend.

Your limbs stiffen a little in response. You're not yet ready to think about the future, the possibilities it holds. You've barely begun to mend your friendship with Joel.

"Maybe," you relent, quietly, a promise made in the ether.

Joel's silent as the music moves smoothly in the air between you. His grip tightens on your body as he asks, "She's mine, ain't she?"

You snap from your thoughts, your heart in your throat as you stop dancing. "Excuse me?" Your eyes bore into him, daring him to speak the truth for himself.

"The other day you said 'our daughter'.. the timeline's right, I'm not that bad at math," he manages a smile.

"Joel, I.." you shake your head. "It's all too much. I can't think about this right now."

"Just tell me the truth," he says quietly.

"What would it matter if she was?"

"It'd make a whole hell of a difference. Two daughters, two Miller girls. Don't you think somethin' like that would make me happy?"

For a rare moment you let yourself think about the day your mother came to get you, pull you back home to Houston seeped in shame and regret. She'd lied and manipulated facts to get you on her side. You vowed you'd never be like her or put Ellie through that.

"Yes, Joel.." you whisper. "She's yours.."

The joy that shines in his eyes is like nothing you've ever seen before. When his arms wrap around you your lips find his as if twenty years has never passed between you. Right there, in the middle of the dance floor, you're making out like teenagers.

"I want you," he growls.

"Let's get out of here," you agree.

You're barely through the front door of his home when he presses you to the wall, his mouth hungry for yours. You hadn't thought you'd experience this level of passion again, but time has not diminished it for either of you.

"Joel," you moan as he presses himself to you, the blunt hardness of his erection teasing you. "Fuck me, Joel.."

He groans at your words, body aching with desire as he goes to his knees in front of you, lifting the hem of your dress. He presses messy kisses along your thighs while his hands roam over your hips and ass, his breath hot against your skin as he approaches the spot he most wants to taste again.

"Been too long, darlin'," he murmurs as he pulls your lacy underwear down your legs. "Been too damn long since I had you like this."

You kick your panties off, hooking one leg over his shoulder as he dives in, tongue lapping at your sweet pussy like a thirsty man finally finding water.

He stays there, tongue dancing between your folds and then tickling your clit, tasting you so deeply that you cry out, head falling back, body arched towards him, fingers tangled in his hair. Joel feasts like a man starved, slurping you up, inhaling your scent that surrounds him. There's nothing about you that's changed. You're still so sensitive to his touch, responsive to his lips, tongue, and now fingers pressed deep inside, finding the spot that makes you scream while his lips purse around your throbbing clit.

He doesn't stop after you come. He feasts on you over and over again, making up for lost time, pleading for your forgiveness this way, literally on his knees until you scream his name, convulsing around his fingers, your honey collecting on his large digits. Only when you feel completely boneless does he remove them gently, licking up your syrupy taste.

Joel picks you up, your dress falling back in to place as he carries you bridal style up to his room.

All roads have led back to him. No matter where you went, no matter who you chose, Joel was always going to be there at the end of the path, your guiding light, even when you thought you hated him and when you thought he would never choose you again.

Even now, his body over yours, he's the missing piece of the puzzle. He teases you with his cock until you beg him to just put it in, to make you whole again. The glorious slide of his flesh into yours causes you both to gasp and your bodies still for a moment, taking in the significance of this act which you've done so many times before.

He's older now, but his vigor is not gone. He fucks you gently at first, then with impatience, as if he's afraid you'll dissolve like a dream in daylight. You'd know the feel of his cock among any other, the smooth outline and the ridges, the way he's molded his perfect shape into you, marked you years ago when you were a virgin, as if leaving his initials inside you. Mine.

You've never had a man to match him, never had someone so in sync with your body. He knows all your buttons, every dip and valley that his hand caresses. He's mapped out your skin like a cartographer, claiming the land in his own name.

You come almost too quickly the first time, before he flips you on top of him, gripping your hips as you ride him. "Love you," you moan as you come close to the edge again, heart and soul flying ahead of you into the bliss you've only really known with him.

Beneath you Joel's eyes go wide when you come, his hips lifting up into you, warmth spilling into your core.

"Babygirl," he whispers, a choked grunt as he turns pale, his skin clammy and sweaty when he loses consciousness.

As soon as Sarah and Ellie arrive at the hospital you hug them, overcome with worry for Joel's medical emergency.

"How is he?" Sarah asks, still in her wedding dress. Even in the emergency waiting room she's generating a lot of interested looks her way.

"They just took him in a few minutes ago," you tell her, secretly glad she wasn't there to see her dad in such shape. "I think it was a heart attack.."

"Oh my god," she puts her hand over her mouth and sits on the nearest chair, Ellie right next to her, comforting her.

"The party's winding down at the bar," Ellie explains. "Only a few people know-- Theo, Tommy, Maria.."

"We didn't want to worry anyone else," Sarah adds.

You look at her, heart aching. This is supposed to be her special day.. and if something happens to Joel--

Don't think like that.

The three of you sit down, drinking stale coffee from the machine down the hall. Soon Tommy joins you, Theo staying at the house to keep an eye on Finn.

The worst thoughts poke through your brain, teasing you and taunting you. But at last the doctor comes out, a guy even younger than yourself, green scrubs and white coat.

He talks with the family, letting them know the diagnosis. "It was a silent myocardial infarction, basically a mild heart attack," he explains it. "He's going to be fine and he's resting right now."

"A heart attack?" Tommy and Sarah exclaim together.

"At his age it's not uncommon.. he's fifty-six years old," the doctor checks the chart. "Now, we have him on some aspirin and beta-blockers. Tests show he doesn't have enough blockage to necessitate surgery, but he'll need blood pressure medication and to keep a healthier lifestyle."

"Can we see him?" you ask.

"Yes, two at a time, preferably. We want to keep him calm while we're monitoring him." He checks the chart again and looks at you. "You brought him in, correct, ma'am?"

"Yes.. why?"

"What was Mr. Miller doing before he exhibited symptoms of his coronary event?"

"Um.. what?" you pretend not to understand.

"What was he doing before he had his heart attack?"

"Mild heart attack," Tommy emphasizes.

"Well.." you race to think of what to tell him.

"I take it you were celebrating a wedding," the doctor says, seeing Sarah in her dress and the rest of you in tuxes and gowns and whispers a 'Congratulations' to her.

"Yes. Well, we danced.." you answer, and the doctor keeps his eyes on you as if he knows you're lying.

You go up to him, giving a subtle whisper. "We were.. intimate--"

"Sexual relations," he nods, writing it on the chart. "It's important for us to know what was a causing factor in his event. Now, two at a time can visit him."

Tommy and Sarah go first. He gives you a sly wink. "Y'all were fuckin'!" he teases, passing by. Sarah gives you an excited smile, to which you just purse your lips.

It's quiet but for the bag of Lays Ellie has opened, eating the chips slowly. "So you and Joel?"

You nod.

"But not just tonight.. a long time ago, right?"

There's an odd sensation in your stomach, as if the unspoken truth is fluttering around inside, beating its wings as it tries to find a way out. "I guess there's a lot I need to tell you. But only when you're ready."

Ellie seems to steel herself for whatever conversation is on the way, nodding at last, crumpling up the bag and tossing it in the bin. "Ready."

Seeing Joel in the hospital bed is a sobering visual. Years ago your age gap represented something illicit, scandalous. Now you're reminded that no matter what road you and he take from here, you will most likely outlive Joel Miller.

He's awake when you and Ellie go in. It's obvious he doesn't like being here, but in his current state is not fit to complain.

"Hey," you say softly, going to his side. "How are you feeling?" You caress his cheek with the back of your hand.

Joel's eyes close at your delicate touch, and when he opens them there's a warmth in them that can't be denied. "I've been better, babygirl," he says. "But I'm damn glad you're here."

He glances at Ellie, seated in a chair on his other side. "And how about you, kiddo? You okay?"

"Am I okay?" she says incredulously. "Dude, I'm not the one in a hospital bed." But her face clearly shows relief that Joel's all right. You also see her brain working over everything you've told her (well, the gist of it.. there are some things she doesn't need to know).

"I was so worried," you tell him, your voice soft and warm, all your feelings coming to the forefront. "I thought I was gonna lose you."

Tears appear in Joel's eyes, which he brushes away impatiently. "You ain't losin' me yet, baby. Not for a long time, not if you don't want to."

"Joel.." you whisper. "Do you really want to do this? After everything that's happened.. all the hurt we put each other through.. all the secrets.." you cast a glance at Ellie, who looks more reserved than you've ever seen her before. Sensing this is a moment you want to share alone, she gives a fleeting smile before she leaves, giving Joel a playful mock hit on his shoulder. Still smiling, Joel pats the space beside him in the bed and you snuggle in with him, his body warm.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Joel asks softly, eyes imploring you. "You're mine and I'm yours. That's how this thing of ours operates: you belong to me and I belong to you. Despite everything that's happened in the last twenty years, that's been the one constant." His hands grips yours, thumb running over your knuckles. "I don't care if I've got thirty years or thirty days left of my life. I wanna spend the rest of it with you, babygirl."

You search his eyes, seeing nothing there but the truth, laid bare and ready for you to either accept or deny.

He continues, "I don't wanna keep failin' you. I'm too much in love to let you go again." Then he gently lifts your chin, making sure you meet his eyes. "But only if you want me back."

Some would say you're on a precipice in the choice you're about to make, but it's not that difficult to choose. It's simply the separate paths you're on, converging at last. for good.

"You're the only one I've ever wanted," you whisper. It's not a fancy declaration of truth, a bit surprising coming from an English teacher, but it's the only thing Joel needs to hear before he pulls you close for another kiss.

Joel's released on Christmas Eve, and the two of you don't waste any time.

You and Joel are married in a small, intimate ceremony in the spacious living room of his home. Ellie, Sarah, Theo, Finn, Tommy, Maria, Sofia, Ruby, and even Bill and Frank are in attendance, watching as a judge from town and friend of the Millers officiates.

Joel promises you a nicer wedding when the frost thaws, anywhere you want in the world. You tell him you can't imagine a more perfect place to marry the most perfect man for you.

Your first wedding went by in a blur, but this time around you engrave it upon your heart, make note of every little skip of your heart when you and Joel hold hands, his delicate touch as he places a gorgeous sapphire ring on your hand, the sweetness of his lips when you share your first kiss as husband and wife.

After Christmas, Sarah and Theo leave for their honeymoon to Maui, and with the weather more agreeable the guests take leave too. Tommy sees to it that you and Joel have your house all to yourselves for your own honeymoon.

You insist on taking it easy with Joel, but he tells you he'd rather die while inside you, his name pouring from your lips the last thing he ever hears. He seems to get a second wind with you, making use of every possible flat surface in the house. You feel better about such activity when he takes his medication, promising to take it faithfully so long as you follow it with a kiss.

One morning after a particularly strenuous night, while drinking coffee in the kitchen and discussing your plans, Ellie returns, calling out to you before she enters.

"You're not doing anything gross in there, are you?"

"No," Joel laughs.

"Yes we are, we're working on making a sibling for you," you smirk over your coffee, glancing at Joel and giving a little shake of your head when his eyes go wide.

"Gross," she mutters, walking in. "Joel, Tommy says everyone's meeting at the Tipsy Bison for lunch later. But he couldn't get through to you on the phone." She makes a playful, pointed look, eyeing the two of you.

She's lukewarm to the idea of calling Joel 'Dad', and there's going to be some legal hoops to go through regarding Justin and his parental claim. But it all seems so small in comparison to the problems that plagued you before. You can get through anything because now you have each other.

You and Joel get ready as Ellie goes back to Tommy's, enjoying spending her time with Finn and getting ready to leave with them instead.

Unable to keep your hands off each other, it takes you twice as long to get dressed, hands going into each other's back pockets, lips finding each other's throats.

There's all the time in the world for it now.

Driving up to the Tipsy Bison, Joel turns on the radio. "Cherry, Cherry" starts to play, and you sing along with Neil Diamond, catching your husband's eye as he smiles and sings along too. The road before you is smooth, mountains standing guard in the distance, staying the same grand height no matter how far along you drive. Joel's hand finds yours, presses a kiss to it before entwining your fingers.

"Babe?"

"Yes, Mrs. Miller?"

You smile. "Let's not go right away. Let's drive around a little, play this song again, just soak in this moment."

"Of course, babygirl. I don't want to share you with the others just yet anyway."

Neil continues on the radio: No, we won't tell a soul where we gone to Girl, we do whatever we want to Ah, I love the way that you do me Cherry, babe, you really get to me

It's come full circle, and it only took two decades to complete. You and Joel in his truck, your song playing, the sun shining through the hazy clouds. You could close your eyes and it'd be 2003 again.

dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

<- prev chapter

[stormblessed95]

Watching Are You Sure?! EP 3

A reminder of how I do these reaction posts as I watch things. I just write my reactions and thoughts down literally they happen. Think more of a bullet point format. I'll include links when I can to videos, thanks to the people who twt who upload clips. And at the end, I'll do a better wrap up of all my opinions. I hope everyone enjoyed the show so far!!

It's Chuseok right after their trip, so they went and filmed this at the end of September 2023

JK was so sassy about Tae inviting himself along for their Jeju trip! Lol

Jikook singing along to Vs Slow Dancing 🥺🥺🥺

Not my baby Jimin already having a stomach ache 5 minutes into the episode! We just got here and it's already travel sickness round 2?! 😅😂

Jimin yelling at Taekook to go inside while he is still in the car. Just to turn around and claim abandonment lmfao. He is just like me for real. I hope the fresh air helped him feel a little better. And JK immediately ordering Pork Cutlets, one of Jimins favorites, as soon as he gets inside is just 🥺🥺

Jimin finally coming in and JK pulling a whole "oh my God, my crush is here" type of routine. Lmao boy, the hair tucking, the giant smile. Boy, stand-up!Istg they are perfect!

Caressing Jimin's thigh as soon as he sits down talking about the "view" being so beautiful 😍😏

And Tae just fawning over Jimin being cute as soon as he enters too? Lol Jimin really has these men wrapped around his finger!

Not Tae going oh we do this stuff all the time. And JK and Jimin going "bro then leave!!" Lmfao you chose to be here Tae! Enjoy your time with your besties!

Tae getting fish and Jimin asking if he should take the bones out for him 🥺😍 that's his baby! Lmfao and JKs immediate "no" 😂🤣 no one asked you Jungkook! I too, don't like de-boning anything, I need a friend like Jimin 😂

It was giving perilla leaf, not going to lie 😂😂 Jimin babying his best friend and Jimins boyfriend being like "that's a whole grown man, excuse me?!" Is the vibes being given here. And I love it 😂

Me being sat and riveted for Jimins de-boning lesson knowing I will never do this myself. Because I'm a #spoiledbitch

The way he just info dumps too 😂

JK just stimming and loving his food so hard! And I love how vmin just let him do his thing. Baby is so loved 🥰😍 it really makes my heart so happy

Jimin making a ssam for Tae just for him to leave and Jimin to chase him running and giggling down the street, even losing his shoes, to make him eat it 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 why are they like this? Lmao!!

JK just collecting his boyfriends shoes for him too. Lol and Tae coming back and eating as soon as Jimin tells him he doesn't have shoes. Lol he is so loved.

(x is so loved is clearly going to be the theme of my post here!)

Vmin driving in the car all leaned into each other. I love them. So freaking much. Them singing Seven and Arson too. BTS forever supporting BTS!

Jimin saying "let's take pictures together later" and Tae going "couple pictures?" Lmfao 🤣🤣🤣

Jimin having to talk Tae through how a drive through works 😂😂 my baby? How is this new to you? Lollll Jimin is suchhhh a caretaker 😍

And the way he makes sure JK stops and is hydrated too! He loves so hard!

"I'm fine!" "Im not!" That was so boyfriend, my god

"Jhope would've loved this. Ah, I miss him." God me too!

JK always going along with whatever skit or roleplay Jimin or Vmin start doing. Lmfao Jimin being like "oh, did you see his tattoos?!" Yeah, we get you 🤣

Jimin caring in JKs bag for him into the house 🥰

The 3 of them cuddling and laying on the floor together 🤣😂 before the cut to crazy head banging and Jimin having a stomach ache again 🤣 what a tonal shift lol

I'm obsessed with the pull back from touching that keeps happening. In all 3 episodes. One person on Twitter called it "controlling your habits" and I'm just ughhhhhh just hold hands 😭😭😭

Jimin singing 3D!

JK shooting Jimin in both the ass and the crotch with the water gun 😅🤣😂 the caption being an innocent 5 year old.... Lol not sure that was super innocent, but he was certainly giggly and having fun 😂 Tae also joining in and shooting Jimin, but only a few times in the ass, mostly on his back 😂 and the way Jimin just laid there and took it lmfao

The way JK watched over Jimin briefly while he was napping on the floor. That stare, those heart eyes 😍

Taekook being the absolute cutest puppies in the pool 🥰😍

Taekook drop the cuddly selca!!

JK jumping up to play as soon as he heard Jimin 😂 they are so cute! Why did they cut the entirety of Jikook playing upstairs? 👀😂

Followed by the mini wrestling match of taekook vs Jimin over the water guns and being shot again 😂

"you look pretty. You really look pretty" Jungkook please! My Jikook 🥺🥺

The distance Jungkook got with every skip in that parking lot man. Lol he is super human!

How many Jimin-ssi's did we hear in like 30 seconds when Jikook were climbing that wall together? Lmfaooo in that tone too? They like each other's muscles when watching each other climb. I get it 😂

"Jiminah, I'll show you I'm not the kid I used to be" "yeah, you are an adult now" 😂😂 Vmin lol I love Jimins dry sense of Humor too 😂😂

This whole climbing/go cart section felt very Run BTS esque lol bringing back those vibes for a moment here. Including JKs giant ass smile whenever Jimin starts messing with him or fake boxing him. That happened so often in Run

The way JK and Tae's faces immediately dropped as soon as they noticed Jimin was bleeding. There really is so much care there even when they are silly. JK saying that Jimin always gets hurt when they travel and breaks his heart 🥺🥺

"Going in order" with Jimin, Tae then JK on the go carts. I appreciate the editors acknowledging and feeding my Jimin is the hyung enjoyment 🥰

JK saying "how immature, all hung up on competing" boy you just feel left out! Lmfao because competition is at your core 😂

The way Jungkookie was looking at Jimin when Vmin were praising him 🥺🥰

Tae recording himself instead of Jimin being silly 🤣

I don't think anyone understands how much I love them and adore them.

Wrap up thoughts:

Hyung Jimin moments give me life and this episode had me well fed. He takes SUCH good care of the people he loves, and taekook in particular. He really has those men wrapped around his finger too. The love shared there is so so special and I'm so tickled anytime I get to witness it.

I also just wish for more peaceful episodes for Jimin! I'm curious how the next Jeju episode will go because after Connecticut, where they didn't have a choice but to talk about his stomach bug, they clearly were going to try and cut those moments out at first but it was so bad they couldn't. But it seemed like they are now low-key leaning into Jimins struggles as a bit with the cuts and edits now. Like it's part of the silliness of the show. Regardless, I do hope he feels better faster and doesn't get sick in Sapporo too! My poor baby 🥺😭🥰

Even with Jimin feeling sick, he still appeared to be at the center of that trio. Even when taekook were playing, they were doing so in a way that revolved around Jimin, constantly getting out to go annoy him. JK shooting him with the water gun to soak his pants in the dick and ass area was a special kind of stupid horny boy humor 😂 the way the editors covered it up (even sometimes with just camera angles) after his pants were soaked too, I know that outlines had to be on DISPLAY. Which I wouldn't be surprised if that was either one of the goals or just a nice reward for JK 😂 Poor Jimin. At least they let him nap in peace eventually!

We know Jimin did get in the pool with them at some point since they have promo shots in the water together. I'm looking forward to seeing that next episode! Or I'm going to be salty with Hybe for not giving us any of that footage! Lol

Jikook also had much larger suitcases than Tae did, who was also already there on vacation with his other friends. Did Jikook stay longer than Tae did or was it because we know they went to Busan shortly after to visit family too? It's really nice knowing that Jikook spent an extended trip together to their hometown also even if we didn't really get to know about it or see anything from it

The more hyungs that are around, the more maknae-esque our Jungkookie gets. Lol it was so cute. It IS an interesting aspect of Jikooks dynamic though, the inclusion of others and how that changes how they behave. It absolutely gives them an air of "us" at times. I know y'all know what I mean. It also highlights how much more they behave as equals, chingus, "them," when they are alone too. Because that is such an unusual dynamic and they've normalized it so much we barely blink at it anymore and some people don't even notice. He was very baby with his hyungs this episode whereas in USA, he took the lead with Jimin alot, which I did mention in my posts over those episodes.

He also was incredibly bratty and sassy in many moments of these episodes. Jimin even called him on it once 😂 this would've been the time that they had just applied for the buddy system together. And I think as much as they miss their members when they aren't there, JK also was looking forward to spending alone time with Jimin and the quick plan changes right before the trip happened put him in extra brat mode 😂😂 you could tell he was excited and happy to have Tae there though to play with. Those two had so much fun together and it was nice JK had a goof off buddy while Jimin wasn't feeling good. It also gave Jimin a much needed break I think from feeling pressure to entertain even when he wasn't feeling his best.

There were some soft and really cute moments in the first two episodes, but while there was so much chaotic energy in this episode, between Jikook, there was almost more softness. Like they save the bickering for home when they are out with others 😂 all the little touches and fondness killed me.

The cuts were horrendous this episode. Lol this was one example and there are a million more.

The episode timeline was cut all over the place. Lol so many conversations had music cut over them so we couldn't hear, so many continuity errors due to cuts. Like part of me gets it, but why was it so bad?!

Plus I'm sad we missed out on most of what was shaping us to be a Jikook wrestling match over the water guns. Oh the fanfic that'll inspire 😂 if they don't give it to us in the behinds, it's going to look incredibly suspicious 😂😂

It's also crazy to think about how this was Jikooks second trip to Jeju together. Think they went together before to scout out things they wanted to do together and enjoy the minor smaller vacation together sans cameras? Just like how they went back to the restaurant in NY alone before going back home. I really love that for them.

Sorry for only getting this post out like a week late! At least it's done before episode 4! Lol hope you all are loving AYS and having fun with it!

[dreamingundone]

When The Morning Comes

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x OFC (could be read as reader-insert, no use of Y/N) Summary: Jake doesn’t do serious. He was really upfront and honest about that. So why is he he one getting really tired of saying goodbye every morning? Rating: PG-13 for swears. Words: 3K+ Author’s Note: Here I am again writing fic in the year 2023 because I haven’t stopped thinking about Jake Seresin since last summer. This is slightly Band of Brothers adjacent because I’m incapable of putting away that particular hyper-fixation but you don’t need to know anything about it to understand this. Disclaimer: I don’t own the character Jake or Top Gun: Maverick. Please don’t re-post or translate my work without my permission. There's probably some inaccuracies here though I did my best to Google a few things, but even so, please be nice.

He watches her as she works out of the corner of his eye. He tells himself that he's not seeking her out every time he wanders the corridors at the hangar, but it just happens.

She's impossible to ignore.

There's a sinking feeling in his gut as she very much doesn't make eye contact with him, and in fact, she brushes by him as she leaves the room without so much as a glance.

"All set?" He asks Rooster gruffly, who arches an eyebrow.

"Didn't think you cared so much, Hangman." He gets up from the exam table, hands brushing over the thin line of stitches near his eyebrow.

Jake rolls his eyes.

"Oh!" Rooster says suddenly, eyes lighting up. "It's not me you're here for--"

"Shut up."

Bradshaw's not lying though, which makes Jake grit his teeth even harder.

"Secret's safe with me." He says with a wink, leaving Jake standing in Sick Bay by himself, questioning basically every life decision he's made to get to this point.

.

Six months earlier

"Listen up!" Maverick calls over the din, and when he can't get anyone's attention except for Dagger Squad, Admiral Bates does the job with a sharp whistle.

The hangar goes quiet, and they sit quietly as they listen to the mission briefing. Three months of training, and then they'll be shipped out to God knows where for God knows how long.

While he's pretty used to this particular way of life by now, he sees some of the other squads he doesn't know sharing nervous looks.

There's a group standing closer to the door that he's never had the pleasure to interact with - the medical staff from Sick Bay. The doctors look bored, but there's a new medic who's caught his eye from the minute he walked into the room.

She's taking notes or something, and Jake smirks as she looks up, meeting his eyes briefly. She rolls her eyes and looks back to her notebook, which only makes him smile wider.

He introduces himself the first time he gets a chance, later at the Hard Deck.

"I'm Jake," he says, holding out a hand.

"Good for you." She says, not looking up from her phone.

"Waiting on someone?"

"Someone else, definitely."

There's something about the way she says it - there's no heat in her words really, even though he knows she's trying to put him off. Look -- everyone thinks Jake is an asshole, and he knows he can be sometimes, but he doesn't want to stick around where he's clearly not wanted, even if all he wants to do is sit here with her and learn everything there is to know about her.

"Enjoy your drink," he says, and leaves her there looking a little surprised, if the crease between her brows is any indication.

.

It's a few days later when he has an excuse to see her again, though not under the circumstances he would have wished.

He's being semi-held up between Javy and Rooster, and he's scowling. "I'm fine," he grumbles.

"Sure, tell that to the control panel you smashed your head off of." Javy says, and Jake would roll his eyes, it's just that he can't really see straight, so he thinks he'd just pass out.

Okay, so he had to emergency land. At least he didn't have to eject.

"Put him here." He hears her voice, kind but authoritative. "Lieutenant Seresin, I thought I told you the other night I wasn't interested."

Javy snorts, and Rooster bites back a grin.

"Desperate times calls for desperate measures." Jake says, groaning as he lies back on the exam table.

Then she's there, looming over him, and the irony isn't lost on him that this is the first time she's looking him directly in the eye. Well, her and her flashlight, anyway.

"Pupils a bit larger than I'd like." She mutters. He finds himself really unable to do anything other than watch her as his vision wavers. "Concussion, obviously." She says. "Is the light bothering you?"

"A little." He answers.

She hums in sympathy. "You need stitches. Give me a minute." She says, and then her warmth is gone, and the bright light overhead is all he can see, making him close his eyes.

He sighs. This really isn't the impression he wanted to make.

Dimly, he registers Javy and Rooster leaving the room, saying they needed to go tell the rest of the Daggers how he was doing. He's sure Phoenix and Bob are pacing somewhere. Mav, too.

"Stupid." He mutters.

"What?" She asks, sounding offended.

"Nothing. Not you." He says, eyes opening as she leans over him again, hissing when she wipes an antiseptic over his forehead. "A little warning would have been nice."

"Don't be a baby." She chides, face full of determination. "Stay still."

He lets her work for a few minutes before he tries again. "I meant that I felt stupid for this."

She meets his eyes quickly. "Sounded like you did what you had to do so you didn't kill yourself."

"You were listening?" He asks, surprised. He feels dumber that he didn't realize that. Of course the medics were on standby.

"It's my job." She says. She pauses for a minute, glancing at her wrist. Her wristwatch is turned the wrong way round, so the face of it is on the inside. It's very military, and it makes him smile. It's how he can spot another Navy guy a mile away.

Hers is different than his, though, the face worn and scratched.

"Is that thing even ticking?" He asks as she gets back to work.

Her tongue is between her teeth as she completes the next few stiches, the sight making him a little distracted.

"It was my great-grandfather's."

He feels like he's bothering her, so he doesn't ask any more questions, but she surprises him by continuing.

"He's the reason I wanted to get into medicine. He was an Army medic."

"And that was his service watch?"

"Made it through the drop to Normandy and back."

Jake's eyebrows rise. "A paratrooper."

She nods. "He died before I was old enough to figure out what I wanted to do, but this watch has kept on ticking. Feels like I've got him over my shoulder advising me on what to do."

"That's really nice." Jake says honestly, and again he catches a surprised look on her face.

"I'm sorry," she says, maybe seeing the way his features droop. "You can sit up," she says off-hand before continuing. "I wasn't really fair to you. I've just-- to be honest, I've heard some things. Made me think..."

Jake nods. He knows what everyone says. And to be fair, he's never given anyone other than his friends any reason to doubt the rumors about him. What's the point? He'd rather let everyone on North Island think what they want than spending time fighting his reputation. It's not worth it, especially when he leaves often for months at a time.

"Anyway. That wasn't fair. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, pasting on a smile he doesn't really feel. "No harm done. I don't really... I don't really do serious. So the rumors aren't far off." He doesn't know why he says it. It's the truth - he's scared of getting attached. He's no good at being someone's boyfriend and he knows it. But still -- it feels weird to say it out loud to her.

"Well. Okay then, Lieutenant. You're going to be grounded for awhile, unfortunately. Come back next week and we'll see how you're doing."

.

Over the next few weeks, they do more mission prep, which means the medical team and the Daggers are together more often than not. They'll all be together as a wing on the carrier, and it's important that everyone knows all the details of every minute of the mission.

They have enough downtime too, and that's where he really finds himself in deep trouble. All because of her.

Phoenix has taking a liking to her, and really, everyone else has too. It's hard not to like her.

He's watching her now, contemplative eyes as he tilts his beer bottle back to his lips, and his heart does a funny little flip at the sound of her laugh.

He's surprised when she makes her way over to him at the end of the night, elbowing him lightly.

"All alone, Hangman?"

He smiles wryly. "Only got room in my heart for one lucky lady, Doc."

The nickname was her great-grandfather's, and it's stuck to her too. The first time Mav called her that, she got a little misty-eyed, and Jake found it so endearing he could barely look at her.

She rolls her eyes. "You get back up in the air tomorrow."

He nods, having been cleared by the medical team earlier that day. He can't wait. He misses the adrenaline and the sound of the engines roaring underneath him.

"Thanks to you," he says, nudging her in return. She'd been like a drill sergeant the last few weeks, watching him like a hawk to make sure he stuck to paperwork and didn't overwork himself while he recovered from his concussion.

"Just doing my job." Her standard answer. He thinks it's interesting that someone so confident has a hard time accepting any praise.

"No, it's something else." He says, taking another pull from his bottle. "You were born to do this, I think. You've got a special touch."

She blinks rapidly, and for a horrifying moment, he thinks she might cry. She clears her throat. "How many of those have you had?" She gestures towards the bottle in his hand. "I said one beer, Seresin."

"Not even a full one." He assures her. "And I mean that, Doc."

The way she's looking at him sends his heart racing. Is she--? No, he's imagining it, that she looks like she's leaning in a little, her lips parted invitingly. That's impossible.

"Thank you, Jake." She says softly, and it's the first time she's ever called him by his first name. It takes everything inside of him to stop from leaning into her a little bit more, and in the end he doesn't fight it.

They sit there, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, in a comfortable silence for the rest of the night. And if her pinky brushes his just a little on the bartop, he doesn't draw attention to it. He just lets it happen, enjoying the warmth unfurling inside of him.

.

The briefing where they get their assignments for the mission is tense. This is a dangerous one. Top secret, and not even the medic team is allowed in the room with the Daggers while they get briefed.

There's some speculation that they won't even come along - that this mission is so secret, the fewer eyes on it, the better.

It makes something twist inside him, the thought that he might not see her until he comes home from deployment. He hasn't had that feeling in a really, really long time.

Afterwards, he's wandering the corridors aimlessly when he quite literally runs smack into her.

"Oh!" She says, surprised, and he grabs at her arms instinctively, holding her upright.

"Sorry, Doc."

"Are you okay?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Fine. I--" He looks up, meeting her eyes. "Will you go to dinner with me?"

She swallows. "What?"

"Look, I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm starting to think you aren't either. But I also like you, and I'd like to take you to dinner. If you want." It all comes out in a rush.

"Okay." She says quietly.

"Okay?"

"Okay." She repeats.

.

They don't even make it through dinner.

He's so distracted by the sight of her in civilian clothes that he can barely form a coherent sentence all night.

It must show on his face, and he really feels like an asshole for it, but she also responds to it, so he doesn't stop himself from staring at her, not this time.

Somewhere in the middle of the dinner course, she puts down her fork. "Are you going to take me home now?"

He doesn't think he's ever scribbled his signature on a check so fast in his life.

After that it's all a blur of heated gazes, wandering hands, and finally, mouths meeting. It's all flushed skin and, for Jake, trembling hands. He tries not to examine that particular fact too much.

In the morning, she leaves before he wakes up. He feels a little weird about it, but it's also how it has to be. It's how he's always done things. And if that's good for her too, even better.

.

They go on like that for weeks. He tries not to think about how each morning it's harder and harder to watch her get dressed in the haze when she thinks he's still asleep.

He tries not to think about how she always looks back over her shoulder before she goes, something soft in her eyes.

He tries not to count down the days between now and his deployment date.

On a Friday morning, he's making no show of the fact that he's awake when she slides out from under the sheets and starts dressing.

"You could stay." He says, voice a little hoarse.

She pauses, but pulls her shirt over her head. "Don't do that." She says, voice quiet but firm.

"Just for breakfast."

"This is what you wanted, Jake. I'm just trying to make this easy for both of us."

His face twists. "And I can't change my mind?"

"Actually, no." She says, voice harsh. "Because you've said to me a hundred times that you weren't looking for anything serious. Staying longer, spending days together... that's serious. I'm just doing what you wanted."

Maybe I don't want that anymore. The thought rattles around in his brain, but he doesn't say it.

"It doesn't have to mean anything." He says without thinking, and the look she gives him is withering.

"You've been doing your best not to let any of this mean anything, Seresin."

"We're going by last names now?"

"For fuck's sake, Jake!" She hisses, tugging her pants on. "I should have trusted my instincts with you. I should have listened to my gut."

He sits up straighter now, hurt lacing his tone. "So you've just been miserable for the last few weeks, right? None of this has been pleasurable for you, and that's my fault."

"I didn't say that."

"You know what? Don't let me keep you. Must have been a moment of insanity." He says, voice hard. "You're right. Keep it simple, keep it meaningless. That's perfect."

She doesn't say anything else as she gathers the rest of her stuff and slams the door behind her.

He doesn't see her again until the final mission briefing before deployment.

They're being deployed to the same carrier. That wasn't supposed to happen. The whole reason he decided to take a chance, to finally act on these feelings that he's afraid to identify... it was spurred on by the idea that he may come back in a year to find her elsewhere.

Their eyes meet across the hangar. There's nothing friendly in them now.

He swallows hard. This is going to be a shit-show.

.

They're out in the middle of the goddamned ocean when he, yet again, has to race to Rooster's rescue. It's not nearly as terrifying as the last time it happened, but he's still furious at his friend for risking his life once again. Rooster skids into the carrier with his landing gear barely hanging on, and the rough landing has him doing his best impression of Jake himself all those months ago when he nearly smashed his face into the control panel.

He has to help Rooster get to the Sick Bay because he can't do it on his own, and no matter how much he wants to avoid seeing her, he needs to get help, and Doc is the best, there's no doubt about it.

They ignore each other, though he watches her. He can't help it. She handles Rooster like he's the most important person in the room, and it twists something inside Jake, though he knows that's what makes her invaluable.

She leaves before he can say anything to her.

"All set?" He asks Rooster gruffly, who arches an eyebrow.

"Didn't think you cared so much, Hangman." He gets up from the exam table, hands brushing over the thin line of stitches near his eyebrow.

Jake rolls his eyes.

"Oh!" Rooster says suddenly, eyes lighting up. "It's not me you're here for--"

"Shut up."

Bradshaw's not lying though, which makes Jake grit his teeth even harder.

"Secret's safe with me." He says with a wink, leaving Jake standing in Sick Bay by himself, questioning basically every life decision he's made to get to this point.

In the corridor outside Sick Bay, she's lingering. Pacing.

Jake stops. He's not sure how to get past her without speaking to her. And truthfully, he knows he owes her an apology. He owes her more than that, but he doesn't know how.

"He's going to be okay," She says. "Just so you know."

"I know. Had you fixing him up, after all."

"You sounded scared on the comms."

He shakes his head. "He's reckless."

"He's your friend. It's okay to worry." It's okay to feel things, she doesn't say, but he hears it like she shouted it.

He puts his hands on his hips. "I worry a lot, actually. I worry about a lot of things."

She's just watching him warily, and he goes on, actually unable to stop rambling.

"I worried from the second I met you that I was going to fall in love with you, and that's exactly what happened."

Her mouth falls open, and he plows on.

"I worried that if I let myself get too close, I'd never recover when inevitably you found someone better than me. I didn't think we were getting deployed together. I thought I'd never see you again, that I'd come home and you'd have found someone that deserves you. So I put a boundary there, and I never should have. Even when you respected it, I got angry with you. Because I did want more."

"Jake, what the fuck?" She breathes, and he laughs.

"I know. I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry. I just-- I couldn't stop myself. With every little thing I learned about you, I just fell a little harder. And that was never the deal. So even when you acted like... like you could've felt the same way, I didn't give you the chance." He smiles, but it's more like a wince. "Call it self preservation, I guess."

"You're so stupid, Lieutenant Seresin." Her voice is shaky. "As if I would have thought about anyone else for a year, even if we were separated."

His head snaps back up to meet her eyes. "Doc?"

"I've been falling for you this whole time too, you idiot. And the only reason I didn't want to stay that morning was because I'd worked so hard to stop myself wanting more than you were willing to give."

"I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that."

"I can keep saying it, if it helps."

She takes two quick strides in his direction while they're alone, and kisses him. Quick and hard, it sets his skin afire and his heart pounding.

"Back to work, Hangman." She says against his lips as she lowers herself down to her feet. "We'll talk about this later." Her thumb presses into the dimple on his cheek.

"If I have to, Doc." He says, and this time when he watches her walk away, he knows it's for the last time.

He's not going to let her out of his sight for a long time, if he can help it.

[princecharmingwinks]

Sterek Fic Rec - June-December 2023.

Can you believe we are almost at the end of 2023? These last six months have been quite busy for me so sadly haven't been able to read as much fic as I would have liked. But I am still here and will continue to create rec lists whenever I get the chance to read more fics. I am also rounding the word counts so please click on the links for the exact word count. :)

it doesn't have to be a snowman by triggeringthehealing (froggydarren) (1/1 | 4K | General)

The Beacon Beans coffee shop is what Stiles would refer to as a lifesaver. They supply his dose of sugar whenever he needs it, they don't ask questions, and their hot chocolate is delicious. And now they're running a snowman building competition where the grand prize would get him an entire year's worth of drinks. Really, all he needs is a partner to team up with. Only everyone else from the pack already seems to have paired up.

Bravery is a Loaded Gun by DefNotForWork (1/1 | 17K | Explicit)

“No, I’m not asexual, Stiles,” Derek said shortly. The teen’s heart sank in his chest, his palms going clammy and his neck prickling with the familiar feeling of rejection. “So then it’s,” Stiles swallowed, throat clogging, unable to give voice to the facts he would much rather ignore. The silence grew between them, growing tense the longer it was left. For the first time in years, Stiles couldn’t speak. The weight of inadequacy held down his typical stream of useless banter. What does one say in this sort of situation? ‘I’m sorry you don’t find me attractive?’ In which the boys speak in half sentences and have two totally different conversations. What they can agree on, eventually, is that they love each other. And that Derek should jerk off more.

Undertow by entanglednow (1/1 | 4K | Mature)

"I don't want you to die because my swirls weren't swirly enough."

Fire and Water by GreyHaven (1/1 | 2K | General)

Derek is full of unspoken words and unexpressed emotions that sear him from the inside out until finally, finally, he allows them to escape into dark ash stains that smear across the harsh white of his notebook. Or, the one in which Derek is compelled to write a story. Turns out, he's writing about Stiles. What will happen when Stiles reads it? Angst and healing and two people finding safety in each other.

eli's parents are so gross (read: in love) by ash_mcj (1/1 | 1K | Teen)

"I would’ve been here earlier, but nobody thought it would be smart to call the one person who’s intimately dealt with the Nogitsune before, so,” Stiles said bitterly as he threw his hands up. "Now I have a list of asses I gotta kick over this very avoidable fiasco. Scott’s first, since he’s the Alpha—I’m pretty sure that’s how that works. His responsibility, or whatever.” The familiar sound of Derek’s car pulling into the driveway caught Eli's attention, and he grinned. “Is Dad on your list?” “Hell yeah, Dad is on my list! Right under Scott.” “Well, he just got home, so—” Stiles didn’t wait to hear the rest of the sentence before stomping off in the direction of the living room—and Eli quickly scrambled to follow him, ready to eavesdrop on what was likely going to be a rather impressive and amusing lecture. [or: eli is glad that stiles is home, since derek has nearly died several times in his absence, but he really wishes they were a little less glad to see each other] -- prompt | a reunion kiss

Ashes, Ashes by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 2K | Teen)

The Sheriff gets a call at work - someone's tried to burn down his home with his son inside. "I thought of you coming here, and finding me dead, of another burnt out husk of a body, something else fire has stolen from you, of you having nothing left to grasp but ashes," John can't even call that a whimper, it's clearly a whine as Derek's hands tighten against Stile's hips, as if his boy will shudder to dust at the mere mention of the possibility unless Derek's hands can hold him into one piece, "and that thought was worse than dying."

Love Runs Wild by DevilDoll (1/1 | 9K | Explicit)

"You've got a hickey on the back of your neck!" A Neckz 'n Throats story.

So When Do I Get To Pledge My Loyalty To The Mob? by RedRidingStiles (1/1 | 10K | Mature)

“Are you my sugar daddy?” Stiles blurts out, slapping a hand over his mouth when his brain catches up to his mouth. The man lets out a soft laugh, making his way around the couch till he’s standing just feet away from Stiles. Stiles can smell his cologne from here, it smells heavenly, Stiles kinda wants to bury his face into the guy's chest so he can figure out exactly what it is. “If that’s what you’d like to call it.” The man smiles. Stiles doesn’t think he should be allowed to smile like that. All soft and gorgeous and way too pretty to be legal. He’s still not convinced any of this is real. Stiles loses his wallet, someone returns it along with $5,000. Shit keeps coming, Stiles life doesn't make any sense anymore, he's just going with it. Edited in October 2022

Stiles is My Safe Place by Star_crossed02 (5/5 | 10K | Mature)

Stiles gets bitten by Kali, and after a brief adjustment period, proceeds to co-lead the Hale Pack to defeat the Alpha Pack once and for all. OR What happens when a sassy spark-werefox starts courting an alpha sourwolf?

It feels like a perfect night (for breakfast at midnight) by princecharmingwinks (1/1 | 1K | General)

Stiles is floating on cloud nine. He is absolutely living his best life. It's a Saturday night, he's out with his friends and he's dancing like it's his birthday. Because it is! (Or it will be in 20 minutes, once midnight ticks around). And what better way to celebrate the respectful age of 22 than a night out?

princecharmingwinks special mention (My plane flying companion - I read a new chapter every time I took a new flight)

First Son, Last Chance by orphan_account (12/12 | 60K | Mature)

When First Son Stiles Stilinski, beloved public figure and the bane of his private security team, goes missing without a trace, ex-security officer Derek Hale finds himself tangled up in the world of Argent Security, a world he was forced out of when rumours abounded that he was sleeping with his charges. There's no leads, no time and no way Derek is going to rest until Stiles has been brought home safely. (Inspired by this post.)

That is all folks for 2023! Sorry again for a late addition. See you in the new year. Remember to leave kudos and comments for our wonderful writers.

[arn359]

I got too hype and read all the Fellswap Gold setting from the blog @/fsg-settings and i want ppl to get my hype too. So here a doc. I collected and used translator on all the post except their first post. ((Other FSG settings existed in @/blackggggum @/fellswap-gold , please check those first as it’s more clear.))

⚠️ !!! | It just pure machine translated. Don’t hold it at heart. I don't have time to edit anything. You may see some shocking information in the doc, some may be error due to translation. Or some may be true. Please calm down and double check by yourself.

⚠️ FSG is a horrible world and have many trigger stuff if you wanna know what TW they have i listed it under the cut, but i may not covered all the TW as i am lacked some understanding.

I also put the links to original post, please check it as some of the original post have pictures too. Go go see baby Wine.

** there’s also some differences in the early setting and new setting in 2023, i would appreciate if you read it all before any further judgement.

I wish to get it translate properly later, whether getting help from my friends or pay someone for it. I just don’t have time right now.

Also i want to read 1984 novel by George Orwell first. I wanna gathers references from the novel that got put into FSG. So it might take some time.

I love FSG so much, thank you the creator for this AU!

TW & CW :

mention of suicide attempts, self harm, incest as in political marriages, homophobia, Toxic masculinity, death, child death, slavery, war, gun. Um… political stuff as it a world with government that got too much power.

Because it’s conservative world, it will be a lot of negative things toward queer ppl, and ppl with mental illness.

Some of what the character said(especially Wine) is harsh words, prepare yourself.

-I may not check it or get it properly translated yet. But i can confirm with the power of dictionary that they said Toriel and Asgore are siblings and got married as to keep royal bloodline.

-G mother is Gaster. In FSG, Gaster is female.

-Wine calls Gaster : Gaster, Royal scientist. But privately, sometimes he calls Gaster “Mother” (妈妈, mama)

-Wine’s name in Chinese is 红酒 (hóngjiu) it meant red wine. I just sharing this cuz- gege hóngjiu เกอเกอหงจิ่ว 🥺🍷 พี่ไวน์คะ พี่ไวน์ขา🥺🍷❤️✨

[dragoneyes613]

An American Muslim group that supported the October 7 slaughter of Israelis has launched an advertising campaign to demonstrate that Islam “promotes peace and the sanctity of life.” Talk about chutzpah!

This latest burst of hypocrisy comes courtesy of the Islamic Circle of North America (ICNA), a group whose declared mission is to “establish a place for Islam in North America.”

The ICNA wants to convince the American public that Islam is inherently peaceful. To that end, the ICNA’s “GainPeace” project is currently investing $30,000 in a massive digital billboard advertisement in Times Square to “spotlight Islam’s core values of peace, unity and the sanctity of life,” according to a press release from the group.

By targeting “one of the world’s most iconic and busiest locations,” the ICNA’s billboard message will reach “over 450,000 pedestrians daily.” Project director Sabeel Ahmed says the project is necessary to showcase “the sanctity of human life” at a time “when innocent lives, especially of civilians, are being tragically lost.”

But what does the ICNA have to say about the sanctity of Jewish life? How does it view the taking of innocent Jewish lives, especially of civilians, in southern Israel on October 7, 2023?

To find that answer, one need not go further than the ICNA’s own website. A prominent section (https://icna.org/on-palestine-and-israel-correct-information-is-getting-through-to-more-americans/) showcases what the ICNA calls “just a few samples of honest and fair reporting on the current crisis.” These samples are “good information to give to non-Muslim Americans with whom you get in conversation about what is going on now in Palestine,” the website urges its readers.

The ICNA website then presents excerpts from the writings of five extremist authors in various publications. Some choice examples:

— “Israel is realizing right now that it can’t oppress its neighbors forever without expecting retaliation. Palestinians have tried many methods of reasoning with Israel, only to be turned down; many nonviolent forms of protest, only to be gunned down.”

— “Hamas initiated these hostilities – because, how long should humans live, starving, in a cage, before they fight back? What else did Israel expect would happen?”

— “Regimes implanted and maintained by violence engender violence…. The Palestinians, like all colonized people, have a right to armed resistance under international law.”

— “How can you trap 2.3 million people in Gaza…and not expect a violent response?”

— “The Palestinians have ‘started’ nothing. They have managed, after so much struggle, to find a way to hurt their tormentor.”

It also includes the usual selection of anti-Israel slurs: Israel is “an apartheid state” … it is engaged in “a slow-motion campaign of ethnic cleansing” … “the Al-Aqsa mosque has been desecrated again and again”… and “Israel is illegally holding over five thousand political prisoners” (because the ICNA considers convicted Arab terrorists to be “political prisoners”).

These are the vicious lies and support for anti-Jewish violence that the ICNA considers “honest” and “fair.” The “good information” that the ICNA says should be “given to non-Muslim Americans” consists of unabashed justification of the mass murders and gang rapes and decapitation of babies on October 7 that Hamas terrorists committed.

So with one hand, the ICNA claims to “foster interfaith understanding and spread a message of peace” in Times Square – while its other hand openly fosters hatred and a message of war.

New York City’s Department of Transportation, together with the nonprofit group Times Square Alliance, determines who can advertise on the billboards there. Department of Transportation officials might say there is nothing inherently objectionable about the specific content of the ICNA’s digital billboard messages about “peace.” Yet there is something very objectionable about the ICNA itself – it’s a violence-promoting hate group.

If a hate group such as the Ku Klux Klan wanted to sponsor a Times Square billboard about “peace” – while simultaneously running a website promoting racist violence against minorities – would the NYC Department of Transportation permit it? Hopefully not.

Hopefully, New York’s officials would treat the Klan as a pariah, and reject any and all advertising from it. That is how the ICNA should be treated, so long as it publicly endorses the mass murder, torture, kidnapping, and rape of Israeli Jews.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi Peach! Sorry if this is a weird ask, but can you please explain why you bias the rapline? What is it about them that makes you like them? I understand could be many known and unknown factors for why, so maybe just tell one? Your post for RM recently made me wonder. Thank you.

***

They are the best at what they do.

Whatever it is they choose to do that is solely their work, I know I'm guaranteed to be listening to the best possible iteration of it. All three of them - Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon - are easily some of the best musicians alive. In my opinion. Like, I just cannot hear the music they make and not stan. I engaged with BTS first and foremost for the music, and don't have it in me to ignore skill like what they've shown since debut.

(He knows he's got the prettiest dragon eyes)

One of the biggest reasons BTS is the biggest group in the world today is because of the peerless ability of their rapline. The best rappers and performers in k-pop are in BTS. BTS holds some of the top songwriters, producers, and choreographers within their group, and you find all three within the rapline. They fundamentally understand the assignment.

Take for example, a song like HUH?! and the brilliance that is SOPE's verses. Drill is a very tricky genre because the instrumentation and grim lyrical delivery are supposed to be equally weighted. And despite the numerous attempts by Korean artists to master it, less than a handful have and only after several tries. But Yoongi and Hoseok's first song in this style immediately is one of the best I've heard, period. One reason is because SOPE immediately show an understanding of one key feature in Drill: balance.

(You can see and smell and feel the massive pools of rizz wafting off him through the screen)

Contrasted to many other hip hop styles, in drill the violence is explicitly the point of the song, the instrumentation mimics a gun-down, and the way you’re supposed to show it is to allow the sparse but gritty beat breathe alongside lyrics that promise nothing but pain, violence and death. Said as matter of factly as possible. And my God the way Hobi did that on HUH?! gave me chills. Yoongi meanwhile just hacked away with no hesitation or concern like the animal he is.

It’s an excellent song that can hold its own against works by many American rappers, and SOPE made it. HUH?! is in the ranking of my top 20 tracks released in 2023, across all genres.

Snooze still makes constant rotation, Dawn, Amygdala, Haegeum, D-DAY, Life Goes On... I'm still streaming Yoongi’s album from top to bottom. Same with On the Street, Rush Hour, and Jack in the Box, same deal with Indigo and sometimes Sexy Nukim and Joon's other collabs. Like, these guys make music I actually look forward to listening to everyday, music that when it comes up on shuffle, a smile comes on my face.

With the BTS rapline, I just feel so certain and assured that the product will be of outstanding quality, practically every time.

I mean, the D-DAY tour still feels like a fever dream. It was the first solo tour by a BTS member, Yoongi's this time, and nearly every reviewer and professional critic has called it one of the best concert experiences they've had this decade. And anyone who themselves attended his concerts, can attest to this being true for them. Because the fact is, Min Yoongi is a consummate performer and one of the best storytellers of his generation.

(He just looks like someone who got a personal cosign from Ryuichi Sakamoto)

*

These guys are just good. It's like there's a fire within them to express themselves so thoroughly through their craft. There's other things about them that I relate enough to, to feel so drawn to them that I bias them, but that right there is one reason.

[lulu2992]

Decoding the scripts and secret messages in Rebel Moon

Part 2: Solving the riddle of Noble’s Bone Staff

On December 23, 2023, Zack Snyder posted this:

The idea of uncovering yet another secret got me very excited, so I looked for the Bone Staff in the guide. Here is the image as it appears on the website:

I slightly cropped it, but yes, it really is this small and you can barely see anything... Still, if you look closely, you will notice a series of little vertical lines all along the handle. Well, they’re not just lines; they’re letters, and they form the “secret inscription” fans were challenged to decode!

Contrary to what the post said, though, it seemed to me this script didn’t look like the New Imperium font. Instead, it reminded me a lot of the symbols I had seen elsewhere in the guide, on the Priests and Scribes’ outfits (more on this later), and on Kora’s gun:

I learned from AurekFonts, who worked on several typefaces for the film (along with Louie Mantia, Jr.), that this other font was most likely “designed primarily by the Speculative Civilization Advisor, Adam Forman” and called “Old Imperium”. This is the name I’m going to use from now on.

The guide says the message on the Guardian Gun means “My life for hers”, so I now had 10 letters to work with. On the bone staff, I also noticed the “brackets”, which I concluded served as spaces/word separators in Old Imperium, were upside-down compared to the ones on the gun, so I deduced that, to read the message, I first had to rotate the image by 180 degrees.

But even after doing all that, decoding the inscription remained difficult because of the image’s fairly low resolution... After a lot of squinting, I still managed to count the words and determine how many letters they contained. The message is a 38-word sentence that looks something like this:

---[-------(7th letter is grey)[-----[-----(puntuation mark)---[---[-[----[----[------[---------[--[-----[----(3rd letter is grey)[----[-----[--[---------[--[-[-------[------[---[----[-----[-----[---[----[----[-----[--[----[--------[-------[---------[--[--[----(puntuation mark)

I tried to find the 10 letters I knew... but I was struggling. Then, suddenly, I remembered this:

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold

The poem... it had to be a clue! I looked at “The Second Coming” again, and my eyes were drawn to the last verses:

The darkness drops again; but now I know That twenty centuries of stony sleep Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle, And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

38 words, a punctuation mark between the 4th and 5th words, another one at the end... As for the grey letters on the staff? They correspond to double letters in the poem (“darkneSS” and “slEEp”). Everything works perfectly!

The secret inscription on Atticus Noble’s Bone Staff is the final sentence of the 1919 poem “The Second Coming” by William Butler Yeats.

December 24, 2023, around 7 pm CEST; challenge completed!

And now that I had been introduced to the Old Imperium font, why not try to decode it too?

[awesomedurraworld]

hi, I am about to speak my opinion about the most classic FMA patterns in fics.

Hello again, if you don't know me, I am sweet, I have been writing FMA since April 2022, and I have so far published 47 fics of this fandom, I am dusweet @ Ao3.

I’ve been in this fandom since late 2021 and finished Brotherhood in February 2022- ON ED’S BIRTHDAY WHICH I THINK ITS COOL.

Okay now we know basic dates, you can guess that I read too many FMA fics, and that means that I have been seeing a pattern in them. And It doesn't matter if the fic was published in 2002 or in 2023- they all share similar themes- or like, I would say headcanons??

so now I think it is time for me to talk about the things that are often written and I don't like, and One them I just reblogged a few hours ago and that's:

Roy Mustang and his paperwork.

Hold on, let's just think about it a little together. Roy Mustang, and a state alchemist, freaking Colonel at 26, Bridigal general at 30- the man is basically planning his own suicide- are you telling me THIS MAN WHO IS A SCIENTIST slacks in his job?

Like, the man wants to be Furher. The man has guilt complex, the man hates himself and is working to help his people.

It just doesn't add up in my opinion. It's funny sometimes, yes. But I just don't like how Riza keeps threatening him with a gun because he isn't doing his work when he is secretly doing it but acts as if he isn't because of the reputation he built.

You get what I mean, right?

Which brings me to point 2:

Riza Hawkeye and her gun.

Oftentimes, Riza is written in a way that she keeps threatening Roy or treating him less- again, funny at times- but the fact remains:

Riza is in this army because of Roy, and she loves him to the point that is clear if she shot him, she will shoot herself. I would say it is a case “ the man is the boss.” here because the fact is Roy is the boss. Not Riza ( even tho she is a girlboss.)

Roy is her commanding officer, she waits for his orders. Simple as that.

Again, I do see her threatening the boys with her gun, after all, she is the right-hand of Mustang, and the third higher rank on the team ( Ed being few ranks higher then her.)

Riza is a smart woman, and she chooses to follow a man she loves into hell. It's a huge thing. She is SMART. And I don't this she would have agreed to work under Roy if he was as slaking as people write him.

Point 3:

Edward Elric and the small nicknames.

I will say it and you will hate me for it- but that is called BULLYING.

“ oh but sweet- they joke with Hi-” no. No. No. No.

If they were joking with him- he wouldn't get angry after every time someone calls him small or short. Edward has a hard time as is, the stress and the guilt and the responsibility are too much, and to think someone ( like on Team Mustang who knows about his life.) goes on and dares to bully him- it freaking hurts.

Every time I see someone calling Ed “ shrimp” I get angry for him. I’ve been a victim of bullying myself, and it hurts when you get picked up over something you might be insecure about.

I called him once shrimp- in my first ever fic- and again, maybe funny at times, but after it hit me one day that Ed yelling means that he is angry. And if he gets angry and expresses that he doesn't want to be called short and people still call him that it means that they bully him. After that, I try to never do it again.

✨ headcanon here, Ed is short like that because as a kid, he didn't receive enough nutritions and enough food. Although it is known that Ed eats for himself and Al- I think even on post-promise day Ed will keep eating that way ( maybe less but the same way, because it is the way his body is surviving. Since it thinks it might go for a while without food so it wants to eat as much as it could.)

I like to think that Ed was Al’s parent and therefore he used to give Al his food since they were poor and did not have enough money or food.

Since I mentioned this headcanon, let me follow it by this:

Point 4:

Edward Elric is the one who raised Alphonse Elric and not the other way around.

I think that a lot of people go with the “ Al is more mature, Ed is childish.” mindset, which angers me.

As the oldest child, I relate to Edward in so many aspects ( besides the long hair in a braid deal.) For more than half of my day, I am in charge of my youngest siblings- feeding them, playing with them, teaching them, you get the idea. and according to my mom I started acting like a mother haha

Now that same thing should be applied to Edward. From just watching how they act and how they talk, many will judge right away and Say that Ed is the child one because he is impolite, loud and angry for nothing, and many would say that “Why can't you be just like your brother.”

i likes to think that Edward is loud and angry for these reasons:

He is protecting himself and Al from being abandoned all over again, he wants to be unloved in order not to get attached. He gets angry because anger to him is such an easy emotion to portray and be.

When he gets angry and frustrated and acts out- he is looking for attention. And that has been apparent ever since he was a child. Like, when he hits Al with the book on his head? Why? Because he wants his mother to yell at him. He tries to grasp her attention and time by acting out.

And that same tactic that he uses with Roy. If he was acting like he should be, Roy might see him for five minutes a day. But with acting out, he gets to have Roy’s attention as he yells at him.

Mature levels are different between the brothers, and it is clear how Ed has an understanding of things around them and works hard, I am not saying that Al isn't mature. It just... Ed raised Al. I think that explains everything.

Point 5:

Jean Havoc and how people write him as an idiot.

Listen, I love me some good Uncle Jean action. And I love how people write him like that- the uncle/older brother dynamic.

I think on the team he is the third oldest- Vato being the older one, then Roy, and then Jean, and so on- so say he is like, 27 (?) IT MEANS THAT HE IS A GROWN MAN, K? PEOPLE NEED TO STOP WRITING HIM AS A HORNY TEEN.

I also want to point out, that maybe Jean is looking for a woman and going out on dates as much as he could so he can find a WIFE so he can settle down with and marry and have kids.

But the fact is, Jean is smarter than he gives himself credit, and we can see that across the anime and the manga. Also, I am not sure if this fact is Canon- but one of my favorite things about this man is that he is the medic of the team.

✨My headcanon is that he was a paramedic before he joined the Army or something. I just think it suits him.

Also, if he was not smart or mature enough, Roy wouldn't have made him “ team’s officer “

I just adore him, maybe more than Hughes-

AND Speaking of Hughes

Here is Point 6:

Maes Hughes and his family obsession.

I know I know he just loves taking photos and talking about his wife and daughter- because he is just a proud man, and I love him for that. What I dislike is when someone writes him as if that is the only thing he does??

Like, have we forgotten that he is a detective? And the head of the inspection department? He has fun when he can but also he has his head leveled when needed, let's not forget that.

Think about Meas as if he is Superman ( Clark Kent.) because these two have so many similar traits.

Point 7:

Winry Rockbell and her anger issues.

I again, dislike how abusive people write winry. Abusive might be the wrong word to use here, but when someone keeps hitting you with her wrench because your prosthetic broke against your will and it gets to the point that you try to fix it instead of going to her to help you fix it-

I just think it isn't healthy. Not to mention that Winry is always written as if she does not understand the hardships that Ed and Al go through. And that might be the case - she is just a girl who sees the man she loves get injuries and she doesn't understand the whys. And I think that is why she acts the way she does. Personally, I adore Winry. I like her and her and she and Ed are cute and they are right for each other.

I just dislike how she is always written as if Ed getting injured is his fault, Y’know?

Point 8:

Izumi and how much she does not understand the things that the boys go through.

she is a wonderful woman, strong, and loves kids and her husband- my problem is how much she doesn't seem to understand Ed and Al's post they committed the taboo. She always comes at Ed and Al for joining the military without seeing the reason behind it.

That is why I found myself hating every time she comes in fics after Ed gets injured or something because she will always yell at him and acts as if it was his fault.

I only truly liked Izumi in one fic I read, which had her being Roy’s older sister- and I liked that. She was understanding while having her normal personality.

And yea, I think these are it! I just expressed my personal opinion towards things and I do have a few other ideas but these are what come to mind right now. I do enjoy reading fics even if these things were present in them- but the chances of me writing things like this are very minimal.

Tell me what you think. Do you agree or disagree with these and why? I would love to chat ❤️

[superman86to99]

The Return of Superman 30th Anniversary Special (November 2023)

Whoa! Some sort of chronal disturbance has thrown us from 1994 to the futuristic year 2023, just in time to cover this new special by the entire creative team behind "Reign of the Supermen"... minus Roger Stern and Dennis Janke, but PLUS Jerry Ordway (who left right before "Reign" started in '93). This is a lot like the Death of Superman special released last year, except that instead of featuring four standalone stories, this one has a framing device uniting all the tales.

In the framing story (written by Dan Jurgens and drawn by Travis Moore), the Cyborg Superman comes back to Metropolis and starts attacking S.T.A.R. Labs installations, as if those places haven't been blown up enough times already. Since Perry White is currently in a coma (from, as far as I can tell, not knowing Superman is Clark Kent), it's up to current Daily Planet editor Lois Lane to put together a story on the Cyborg without her mentor's help. Or with a little bit of her mentor's help, since Ron Troupe conveniently pulls out Perry's old journal from the "Reign of the Supermen" days, including his thoughts about the Cyborg.

So, Lois and Ron start reading Perry's notes about the four Supermen who popped up in Metropolis after Superman's death, which leads us to...

"Speed" (by Louise Simonson and Jon Bogdanove)

Despite the "Perry's notes" framing device, this story is actually told by Ron as he remembers the first time he saw Steel. Ron is leaving for work one morning and everyone in his neighborhood is talking about which of the four Supermen is the real deal. A lady called Mama Bess (who I initially mistook for Myra the Orphanage Lady because she's also big and black and surrounded by little kids) says they're all posers, including Steel, because none of them are around when you need them. Then some gangbangers drive by the neighborhood with a Toastmaster gun, and guess who drops by to save everyone's asses? Not Batman.

Mama Bess recognizes Steel's voice ("rich an' dark as Memphis honey") as belonging to that guy who was running around Metropolis helping people in crumbling buildings while Superman and Doomsday were tearing up the town, as seen in the Death special. While Steel fights the gangbangers, Ron calls Perry, who tells him to keep that lady talking so they can learn as much as possible about the mysterious armored Superman. Hey, is that Mike Carlin in the Planet offices below, to the left of adorably skinny Jimmy Olsen?

Steel prevails over the evildoers and the neighborhood kids rush in to proclaim him as the one true Superman. The best part of the story, for me, is when a little kid picks up a Toastmaster laying on the street and says he can use it to stop the bad guys, but Steel says that's a weapon for bad guys (he'd know, he designed them). Then he replaces it with an old school Game Boy and breaks the gun, Dark Knight Returns-style.

Steel tells everyone he's not Superman, he's just a dude trying to help, but Mama Bess still insists on making him a new cape to replace the one that got torn up in the fight. Ron concludes his report saying that this guy isn't the real Superman, "but maybe he was the next best thing."

"He Had Me Thinking He Was Superman" (by Jerry Ordway)

Jerry Ordway fills in for Roger Stern and Jackson Guice (who at least has a pin-up in this issue) and, man, I never knew how much I needed to see Ordway draw the Eradicator until now. In this story, Perry stumbles upon a standoff between Maggie Sawyer's Special Crimes Unit and the most violent yet Spock-like of the four Supermen, who's holding an armored goon hostage as he interrogates him.

Maggie kindly kicks Perry out of the active crime scene, but he sticks around and decides to solve this situation via the power of journalism. First, Perry talks to a warehouse worker (who kinda looks like an Amalgam of High Pockets and Lamarr) and learns about a nearby entrance to a rumored Intergang hideout. Then, he uses a radio scanner to find the frequency the goons' friends are using to communicate. He tries to tell Maggie about this, but the Superman Formerly Known As The Eradicator grabs Perry and flies off with him to find out what he knows. Perry says he'll tell him if he promises to stop being such a psychopath for a moment.

Thanks to Perry's information, the Eradicator finds the other armored goons, who are moving weapons from an abandoned Intergang cache. The Eradicator violently (but non-lethally, as promised) encourages the goons to renounce their criminal ways, and then locates the mastermind behind this operation, who turns out to be... no, not freakin' Psi-Phon and Dreadnaught, but close enough: Professor Killgrave! You know, that little twerp with the Moe haircut who once trapped Superman in an amusement park full of killer robots. Having seen how the Eradicator dealt with his hired goons, Killgrave eagerly gives himself up to the authorities.

As the Eradicator flies away from the underground base, he carelessly sends some debris flying off which almost hits some bystanders and ruins Perry's car. So, the Eradicator fulfills his promise to Perry that he wouldn't kill anyone, but Perry decides he can't keep his side of the deal, which was to tell the Planet's readers that "they have nothing to fear" from this dangerous maniac.

"The Metropolis Kid" (by Karl Kesel, Tom Grummett, and Doug Hazlewood)

This story provides the secret origin for several Superboy-related elements: the name "The Metropolis Kid" (which never made a lot of sense to me), that iconic pinup of Superboy saving a lady in a bath towel, and Mack Harlin, a recurring character who first appeared in the Superboy series in 1995. Turns out he was a Metropolis cabbie before he somehow became a truant officer in Hawaii. Note that Mack also counts as the second Mike Carlin cameo in this issue.

(Wonder if the ride was $6,50?)

In the story, Perry witnesses the moment when Don't Call Me Superboy saves that towel lady from a building fire (which she didn't notice due to her love of '90s rock, waterproof earbuds, and long, hot showers). Tana Moon's photo of that moment goes viral on Tweeter, FaceSpace, and, yes, even Insta-image, turning Not-Superboy into a social media sensation. The official story is that the Kid is Superman's clone, but Perry doesn't seem convinced. He uses his journalistic powers to find Not-Superboy at a local skate park where he hangs out. Interestingly, Perry briefly wonders if the Kid reminds him of his late son, Jerry, before dismissing the idea. I wonder if that's Kesel commenting on a certain 2000s retcon that made Superboy and Jerry biological half-brothers...

While Perry watches the Kid being a kid, he's suddenly attacked by Bloodsport -- the original one from John Byrne's Superman #4, who just busted out of jail, and not the racist wannabe. Instead of teleporting guns into his hands, this time Bloodsport is wearing a "weapons suit" that allows him to quickly assemble them on the fly. One of the guns hits Not-Superboy pretty hard, but the persistent little bugger gets up and somehow manages to disassemble Bloodsport's suit just by touching it.

As Perry later determines, Bloodsport thought the bullets would kill Not-Superboy because they were coated with a tiny bit of kryptonite, but it didn't seem to have an effect on him. That's when Perry realizes who the Kid reminds him of, with his brash attitude, big heart, endless energy, and massive potential: not Jerry (ouch), but Metropolis itself. Hence, the Metropolis Kid. Eh, I'll take it.

"Betrayal" (by Dan Jurgens and Brett Breeding)

This one begins between the pages of Superman #79, after the Cyborg Superman saves the President from terrorists but before the Planet publishes Ron's soon-to-be-infamous front page proclaiming "SUPERMAN IS BACK!" How could Perry let that story through? As it turns out, at first he didn't wanna. Perry tells Ron he needs way more proof that the Cyborg is the real Superman. That proof sorta falls on his lap when the train Perry is riding gets derailed and the Cyborg heroically saves everyone. That, plus the Secret Service vouching for this guy, are enough to convince Perry that he's definitely Superman and not an evil impostor or something.

(Note that the story makes sure to mention the "living former presidents" happened to be at the White House when the Cyborg dropped by, explaining why the Planet's front page shows Bill Clinton and not, uh, whoever was President in the DCU "a few years ago.")

So, Perry goes ahead with Ron's front page story... only for the Superman he endorsed to turn around and murder 7 million people in Coast City. Whoops. Continuity quibble: this story makes it sound like the Cyborg was immediately revealed as Coast City's murderer, when in fact he fooled everyone into thinking it was the Eradicator for several days, but maybe Perry saw through it right away because he's just THAT good of a journalist.

Perry feels awful about that front page, especially when it emerges that the Cyborg and some big yellow guy called Mongul are turning Coast City's crater into a giant engine to turn Earth into a sort of Death Star. Just when Perry is at his lowest point, Lois tells him that another Superman showed up in a Kryptonian battle armor, and this time she just knows he's the real deal (because she made out with him, but she doesn't mention that).

We see the rest of the storyline (the assault on Engine City, the Cyborg's defeat) from Perry's perspective, and once Superman is back in Metropolis, Perry tells him how sorry he is for that headline. Superman's like "nah, don't sweat it, honest mistake" and actually thanks Perry for always reporting on him with honesty over the years. Moral of the story: trust Lois, double-check Ron.

"Legacy" (by Dan Jurgens, Travis Moore, and briefly all the others)

Meanwhile, in the framing story, Superboy, Steel, and a recently-rebooted, non-evil Eradicator (or his Phantom Zone ghost, anyway) show up to stop their old pal the Cyborg, since Superman is currently in space. We learn that the Cyborg has been hitting S.T.A.R. facilities because he wants to retrieve the DNA of his three astronaut friends who were mutated into freaks during the fantastic incident that gave him his powers, so he can bring them all back to life. The Supermen understandably assume that he's building some sort of weapon and try to stop him, but he's defeated all of them before and does it again.

Royally pissed that these meddling Supermen messed with his plans, the Cyborg notices their fight left some exposed gas lines in the middle of Metropolis and is about to use them to indulge in his favorite hobby: blowing up entire cities. Luckily, the Eradicator uses some of Steel's tech to make his hologram self solid enough to whip out a Phantom Zone projector and suck the Cyborg into his ghostly prison.

As soon as the day is saved, Superman flies down and reveals that he'd been watching all along but didn't intervene because he had confidence in his boys. Everyone shares a nice little moment, until the Eradicator makes it awkward with his talk of "Kryptonian purity."

The issue ends with Lois reading a passage from Perry's journal about how Superman inspired others to be better, even in his absence. She hopes she's able to tell Perry that the same thing is true about him, because "you are our Superman." Well, their other Superman.

Like the Death special, this is an excellent excuse for these legendary creators to play with their most famous toys again, and I wouldn't mind seeing one of these a year (Battle for Metropolis 30th Anniversary Special, anyone?). I kinda wish the Supermen had been introduced more gradually/dramatically in the framing story, building up to a grand reunion, instead of being like "oh hey, there they are," but that's a minor complaint and doesn't detract much from this massive labor of love. However, there's one thing I can't forgive: still no Bibbo. -1/10.

Fun fact, my co-host Don Sparrow and I agreed we'd make this post much shorter than the insanely long one we did for the previous special, and it ended up being... about 10% shorter. Woo! We did it! See Don's take after the jump:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We begin with the cover, and it’s a great piece from the formidable team of Jurgens and Breeding. We’ve mentioned in the past the rumour that there had been a falling out between this pencil and ink team in years past, so seeing their layouts and finishes together sure feels like a treat.  The composition is reminiscent of the image we used to have as the background on this very blog.  I must say, I’m not a fan of the colouring technique employed here by Elizabeth Breitweister, which looks a little flat and scribbly for my tastes.  The sky in particular just looks like a photograph with the contrast turned way up, and then colour filled, and doesn’t really work for me.  But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure the colouring approach to this cover has many modern fans.

Inside the main through-line story is by Travis Moore, and it’s mostly quite well done, if a little stiff in places.  He has a great handle on Lois Lane, and the "Reign of the Supermen" splash on page 5 is a particular highlight.  I’m less enchanted with the modern-day Cyborg Superman, particularly the torn sleeve on his right arm, and the missing belt buckle.  There’s generally a simplicity to the complex robotic parts that doesn’t work as well as other incarnations we’ve seen of the Cyborg Superman.

The next sequence, a reminiscence of Steel’s early days is a great showcase of Jon Bogdanove’s late style, some of which we saw in the “Retroactive” throwbacks of 2011.  While Bog still employs his cartoonish rendering, the figures are generally tighter and smaller on the page than his '90s work.  Fittingly, given the extra attention paid to Metropolis’ diversity in the pages of Superman: The Man of Steel, this story makes good use of a predominantly black Metropolis neighbourhood.  While I’ve never fully warmed to Ron Troupe as a character, this story does give him some background, showing his neighbourhood and living situation in a way that wasn’t covered by his appearances in the '90s. (As Ron is heading to work, he’s wearing a suit and tie, though I would have loved a callback to his famed JAM sweatshirt, first appearing in the story that THIS story refers to, where Ron is involved in the verification of the Cyborg Superman as the “one true Superman”).  There’s a terrific image of John Henry Irons flying at the camera on Page 11...

...and another of him destroying a toastmaster weapon on page 16 that is a standout, featuring Bog’s unique method of hatching to denote the shine of chrome.  Including something like a smartphone, as they do on page 16, is an effective way of moving the story up in time, so that Lois Lane isn’t in (at least) her fifties, having covered Superman’s return in 1994.  The involvement of specific Presidents later in the book hamper that slightly, but overall they do a good job of keeping it nebulous.

It was difficult to pick a favourite sequence, but I have to give it to the Jerry Ordway Eradicator story.  It’s interesting to see a story by Jerry with this character, who was mostly covered by other writers (indeed, Jerry was off the books immediately after Adventures #500) and artists.  Ordway hasn’t lost much zip on his fastball, as the entire story employs the usual dynamic realism and well-observed textures that we’ve come to appreciate in his work.  Perry looks like himself throughout, though he reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield in the one panel of him playing with his analog walky-talky.  The Eradicator’s costume has always been a terrific design, and he looks so cool as he searches for the rest of the baddies in an underground lair. 

Later in the story, the image of the Last Son melting through the getaway car is an extremely tall order art-wise, and again Jerry doesn’t disappoint.  As one of the two biggest fans of the triangle era, I was overjoyed to see an old-school villain like Killgrave in these pages as well.

We’re similarly treated to another original triangle era villain in the Kesel-Grummett-Hazlewood section, where Kon-El throws down with Bloodsport.  While it may feel like rehash to some readers of this blog, it’s been decades since readers have seen “The Metropolis Kid” rescue Ms. Sheenan, so it’s an appreciated callback.  Lots of great stuff here, but none I like more than Superboy shredding on a skateboard—a TOTALLY RAD moment, if ever.

The next section, like the cover, is something of a missed opportunity.  Again, we have a stellar pairing of Jurgens and Breeding, but the art is let down by what I would say is incompatible colouring.  Most of the tones are good, but the details begin to compete with the linework underneath, especially as the digital brushstrokes get scribbly, as they are on the arm of the Cyborg Superman on the title page, or perhaps worst of all, the should-be-impactful moment of the one true Kal-El emerging on Metropolis harbour.  Superman is depicted red-nosed throughout, and the rendering is sketchy, where even flat colour might have given us a better look at the inks below.  I get the feeling it’s all intentional—an attempt at a more painterly style, perhaps to denote that it’s a flashback.  But it was a miss for me—even though I always love seeing Mongul kissing the Cyborg’s hand. [Max: He does have a very handsome hand.]

Next to Ordway’s chapter, the high point of the book is where the triangle era super-team switch, page to page, in order to tell the story.  First with Jurgens and Breeding (with a less distracting colouring job), then Bogdanove, then Ordway, and finally Grummett and Hazelwood.  Interestingly, the classic Superman plays no role in the fight, showing up only at the end, in an echo of the original storyline. 

Finally, there’s a pin-up section, with some real standouts.  While the Stern/Guice team didn’t get their own chapter in the book, that title is represented with a great image of the survival suit Superman taking flight in front of the Daily Planet.  The comics logic part of my brain can’t help but notice he’s NOT wearing the Lexcorp flight boots in this image, and wasn’t able to fly under his own power in this suit, but I’m resisting pointing that out.  The Daniel Sampere pinup is another nice, simple image but again I quibble, as the survival suit Superman had no cape.  Is that maybe the Cyborg’s cape?  It was also deeply cool to see all the trade dress and character logos at the back of that section. [Max: And the Kerry Gammill/José Luis García López promo image! Been a while since we've seen Gammill in this blog so that was a nice surprise for me.]

SPEEDING BULLETS:

I love that this story showcases Perry White’s regret about running Ron’s story that lent credibility to the murderous Cyborg Superman.  They never really dealt with the journalistic repercussions of that within the story, so I love seeing an added dimension through this new narrative.  They also absolve the Clintons more specifically, as the Cyborg notes that all Presidents vouched for his veracity, so it wasn’t just slick Willie who got it wrong.

I realize the Travis Moore pages are mainly a narrative device to set up the flashbacks, but there’s something off about someone as deadly as the Cyborg just aimlessly shooting up the city.  As we saw when he took Doomsday’s body in Superman #78, with his power set, and technological ability, Henshaw can get in and out of a very secure place with speed and stealth, none of which do we see here.  The dissonance isn’t helped by the art, which shows very empty streets for a usually crowded literal Metropolis. 

The use of Perry White’s diaries as a framework for the flashbacks is a super idea, and puts a beloved character at the center of the issue, even if he’s physically absent in current day comics.  (Having dropped the super-books during the Bendis run, I confess I was a little lost on that score.)

Not familiar with the skateboard term “Grommet” but it pays off on the last page of the section as Superboy gives a skateboard to “Tommy the Grommet” in a shoutout to artist Tom Grummett.

The idea of the Cyborg resurrecting the rest of his crew is an intriguing one, and it does make me wonder what an insane mirror image Fantastic Four would be like as opponents of Superman.  Certainly it would even up the odds a little, as the Super squad we see in these pages had no trouble handling Henshaw on his own. [Max: I like that idea. Call them the Tragic Four.]

Overall I think I liked the Death anniversary issue a little more, as the story felt a bit more urgent than just window-dressing for flashbacks.  But both are like meeting an old friend after a long time.  This really was a high-water mark for Superman stories, and for comics in general.

[thegutterpoet]

Two break-up poems, a year apart, and a hope for a future

Hello friends :) I was having an awesome talk with my sister earlier that we shared some of our poetry during, and I remembered these two poems about some shorter relationships that both happened a year apart, and my most recent love poem as a little pick me up at the end! I hope you enjoy, if you do please check out some of my other writing on my blog @thegutterpoet , I have some cool stuff I think!

Glass- written in early september of 2023, this is a short breakup poem for a short relationship, in which I got cheated on (tea ngl) by a girl I wanted to love me more than she did. Not much more to say, but this is one of the angriest poems I've ever written, and I speak quite colorfully. No hate or disrespect to her, I've not quite forgiven entirely, but I wish her no ill will and genuinely that she's doing better than she was. I do think this poem is a wonderful exploration of the core thought I had going into this one, which was "I hope that your hurting me has affected you";

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope know what you've done

I hope you realize how broken I am

I hope you saw the glass hit the pavement

and a shard lodged into your jugular

Your porcelain neck to see the streetlight

You carried me like a swallow in a sling when I wasn't injured, then tossed me off after dragging me through the caltrops

I was left next to a rusty needle, a home of some IV fashion drug that couldn't fix your shallow veins if it tried

You can wrap your tender flesh into a noose unto itself for all I care

You ruined me.

Again.

I asked you to let me fly but you held on until we were both falling

A poetic injustice that you landed like a feather into the arms of a sinner and I a meteorite into a saints embrace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mirror- I wrote this one at the end of this last September, briefly before ending things with my last ex. It was pretty complicated, I wasn't perfect in that relationship (I'd never pretend to be) but ultimately I feel like we were both hanging onto a spark that had been lost, and her hanging onto the promise of what I'd wanted for us at the start and me hanging onto the memories and history we'd had together. Again, wish her no ill will, I truly hope she is happy and doing better, and I hope I didn't hurt her. (editors note: I think I also wrote it stoned);

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We're a set of tattoos who's fates are entwined

We're on the cusp of the future

But you can't wait 8 more months

You taught me to trust but never trusted me

Then expect me to hold a space in my brain

Sink into gray matter like a mattress topper

You said you'd get better but you circle like a whirlpool

I offer you a life raft but you're Grasping for my hand that's holding me afloat

I need you to take the medicine because you're killing yourself

And your gun is yearning, your bullets are tears

You trigger a mirror in me and I'm looking through a screen 

Your fingerprint presses on the dark metal as you make your mark on my soul

You press your heart into mine and it leaves marks on my skin

I'm guzzling sea glass and washing it down with salt and cannabis

Cause I wanna protect myself from hell while I only get higher 

And I'm on a trampoline and I see the other side

I don't see you there just yet 

And my greatest mistake is having my existential crisis too early 

Because I'm jaded and faded 

And I've seen it all

But when the devils knuckles drag

I'm the one that you call

But im reflecting on our past 

And the mirrors your home

Because I saw you there a year, 3 years, 5 years 7 years ago and I see myself then in you now 

Just a person scared of their shadow while they feed it the night

You pour sand from an empty cup and wonder why your thirst isn't quenched

You eat drywall and complain it's lack of depth 

You talk to the fool and expect a sage

And I'm the fool 

I'm the fool for not letting you go sooner

I'm the fool for not letting you go now

A scapegoat would be nice

But you made me a fool twice 

So the blame fits my head like a crown

I wish I let you go sooner, because the more I see you the more my heart shrinks 

The more it let's the depth of your emotion capture the light in my eyes, just for you to sully it with the demons you keep to your side

They riddle your ribs and they pick your insides 

The undercurrent sours as you hit the riptide

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hall of Fame- I've recently started dating someone again (also tea) and it's been a deeply inspiring relationship within my creativity. Like dude omg this girl has me *painting* again. I haven't done traditional painting since middle school, when I gave it up after a painting teacher ruined that confidence and I became a digital artist only. I could talk about her for hours but in a very me fashion, I choose to write about her a bit more :);

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are the tapestry on the wall

Greens, oranges, blues 

As you wave in a soft gentle breeze 

On a summer day 

That I know I'll miss you on

You're the Georgia okeefe poster

That I got for free

Because I can't see it without remembering 

The look on you're face As I sang a song about O'Keefe on stage 

That made me want to sing forever

You're the curtains that bleed with light 

On that cold winter morning 

That I woke up not knowing a conversation would change how I thought about love 

That seeing your face now is like a kaleidoscopic sunset that we painted above your bed

And a Medusa-like gaze that leaves me breathless

And a stolen glance that leaves me deathless

Because moments like that are the ones that make me immortal 

That carve my name on the halls beyond the veil

Of a hall of fame of those who've loved deepest 

Because those moments are an idyllic elegy 

A swan song that'll find their way within the crevices of every temple 

As a mountain summer draft trickles through

And the melodies weep your name 

Their tears of seraphic joy take flight upon the winds 

The drops that roll in on a storm cloud call my name

And anoint the vines that trickle down the mountain walls

That feeds the herbivores that live in the woods and the woods protect the temple from dangerous tempests 

That feed into the oceans and lakes surrounding

And that's what your love is for me

You're a part of my ecosystem 

No, you are my ecosystem 

You find your simply wonderful way 

Into every nook and cranny of the world

I can't look into a crowd without missing your face

I can't hear a choir without needing your voice 

I sought the feeling of your hand in mine in my dreams of comfort 

I pushed through every nightmare to be entrapped in your daydream 

And i may adapt to the maladaptive 

But your Stockholm kiss has got me captive 

You're the emerald city and the yellow brick road 

Because the journey of you Is the finest reward 

And I was born with roses in my eyes 

You'll bury me alive

Because the bells been rung 

And I'm down without a count 

I'm a flyweight in a title fight 

I could never have fought my love for you 

And I now will never fight it for you 

And I know it's not the best of circumstances

But even if it takes 50 years I still want to find you again 

Because with you the puzzles complete

And dont mind where the plot takes us 

Whether the author shows favor on us or not

And Arkansas can have you for as long as you want it

And you can live your fullest life

But I'm choosing these 5 months to live to the fullest

That even if it takes those 50 years, I'll have this as an anchor point 

For whenever I think about the girl I've loved most in this life 

I'll see these memories

Like a crystal ball 

Like when I met you

In the early fall 

Or when we'd walk

And shoot the shit 

Or when I liked you 

More than I'd admit

Or when our friends 

Would make their hints

Or when I'd sing 

And time didn't exist 

When I'd see your face 

In my home filled crowd

And in a state of emergency 

Only you allowed

When the butterflies ate me 

And swallowed me whole

When I told you I liked you 

And I felt like my soul

Was refueled again 

And perfection achieved 

A new definition

Of perfect that week

Then I told you I loved you 

When things became complicated

Cause I couldn't let this go

But I'll always cooperate 

Because you deserve someone 

Who hears what you say

Someone who waits 

If you ask them to stay

Or someone who'll let you

Have the space that you need 

To figure shit out 

Or just quietly smoke weed

And watch Disney movies 

Or crass Netflix shows 

Popsicle fueled nights 

I'd always love to go 

But I'll love from afar 

Because I want you to have

A space for alone time 

Though I wish I was back 

With our arms intertwined 

And your head on my chest

And my hand on your leg

And my lips on your forehead 

And feel your lungs expanding 

And feel your heart beating

And hear your laugh

And see your smile

And make art with you

And explore the world with you 

And smoke with you 

And watch mindless television with you 

And watch the greatest films of all time 

And to cook with you 

And to wax philosophical

And to do stupid bits

And to try to bring you candy you'll like

And to carry your purse 

And to give you my coat

And just bear witness to your life

Because the most beautiful definition 

Of love that I've heard

Is that love is a choice to bear witness to someone's life 

To choose to be present and see what happens

In the quiet moments and the loud 

The struggles and the embarrassments

The wins both large and small

The proudest moments 

And the deepest shames 

And to hope you want the same, 

And to feel pride that you'll never have to be alone if you don't want to

Because I'll always come when you call

So call me, love, whatever you please

As to hear your call is the closest to peace 

So call me whenever, for you I am free

And dream a little dream of me 

[evil-fact-checker]

The updated hamas charter was propaganda for you, yes people like you specifically, to read, to sanewash themselves and their genocidal Jihadi aspirations to Westerners. Not an update of Hamas ideals, which absolutely stayed the same. If you took this bait, I have a Nigerian prince friend that wants to talk to you...but I digress.

Hamas Political Bureau member Fathi Hammad said in a July 12, 2019 speech at a March of Return rally that aired on Al-Aqsa TV (Hamas-Gaza):

Our brothers abroad are still preparing. They are warming up... They have been warming up for a year and a half... Oh, you seven million Palestinians abroad, enough warming up! There are Jews everywhere! We must attack every Jew on planet Earth – we must slaughter and kill them, with Allah's help. Enough warming up!

And I say to those in the West Bank: How long will you sit in silence? You can buy knives for five shekels! How much is the neck of a Jew worth to us – isn't it worth five shekels, or even less?

By Allah, [the Jews] will be killed by our [explosive] belts, Allah willing! There are new factories for [explosive] belts and they are up and running. Anybody who wants one can wait his turn... you can have one, and you, and you... Go!

https://www.memri.org/tv/hamas-political-bureau-fathi-hammad-explosive-belts-knives-slaughter-kill-jews-all-over-world-israel-one-week-ultimatum

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X7iCPi4cswY

And then of course their actions of going home to home on October 7 in Gaza border kibbutzim and towns full of peace activists and gun down entire Jewish families, infants, elderly, and dogs included, raping and kidnapping and torture as well, and doing the same to a music festival. This was accompanied by, just on Oct 7 and in the following month, ten thousand rockets fired unguided carpetbomb style in the general direction of Israeli towns and cities including the same border towns in which they raped and pillaged and took hostages from.

To be clear, this amounts to genocide, especially in light of their charter and threats to do it again and again, even if it results in the loss of Palestinian civilian life (and because of how Hamas hides amongst its own civilians, it has been doing exactly that)

Ghazi Hamad of the Hamas political bureau said in an October 24, 2023 show on LBC TV (Lebanon) that Hamas is prepared to repeat the October 7 "Al-Aqsa Flood" Operation time and again until Israel is annihilated.

"We must teach Israel a lesson, and we will do this again and again. The Al-Aqsa Flood is just the first time, and there will be a second, a third, a fourth, because we have the determination, the resolve, and the capabilities to fight. Will we have to pay a price? Yes, and we are ready to pay it. We are called a nation of martyrs, and we are proud to sacrifice martyrs."

"The occupation must come to an end." News anchor: "Occupation where? In the Gaza Strip?" Hamad: "No, I am talking about all the Palestinian lands." News anchor: "Does that mean the annihilation of Israel?"

Hamad: "Yes, of course.

And if you're still not sure that Hamas wants to brutally genocide Jews, in ISIS fashion, I urge you to see videos of what took place:

www.saturday-october-seven.com

They have now been holding civilian hostages, many since murdered by Hamas, for over 600 days while threatening to do it all over abain, giving the Jewish country they took them from an absolute casus belli against Hamas's entire existence, while Hamas hides under hundreds of miles of tunnels linking rocket storages in mosques to launching sites in schoolyards to hideouts for Mohammed Sinwar, the (since expired) leader of Hamas, under hospitals. More tunnel mileage than the NYC subway system, all dedicated to the murder of Jews, and, now, kidnapping and holding and torture and movement of hostages. This is what Hamas built instead of a state for the Gazan people. The world's largest above-and-below-ground terrorist base, with 2.2 million Gazan human shields living on it, that now has to be systematically destroyed so that it cannot be used to slaughter or kidnap another Jewish soul, because Israel has a right to defend its people from GENOCIDE.

Nobody is denying that Hamas has said and done horrific things. The October 7 attack was a massacre and a war crime. Pointing that out doesn’t require a YouTube link or MEMRI clips—it's already widely condemned, including by leftists, Palestinians, and Israeli peace activists.

What you are doing, though, is laundering that horror into a blank check for the mass killing of civilians and the flattening of Gaza. That’s not justice. That’s collective punishment—also a war crime. You want to treat Hamas and 2.2 million Palestinians as interchangeable, which is exactly what genocidal logic looks like.

And let’s not pretend this started in 2023. Gaza has been under blockade since 2007. Its water is undrinkable. Its borders are closed. Its people are caged in. That doesn't justify what Hamas did—but it does explain why they have support. Rage like that doesn't come from nowhere.

So no, you don't get to shout “genocide” at everyone else while cheering on one in slow motion. That’s not moral clarity. That’s bloodlust with a Western accent.

[peemanne]

Yakuza 3 Review: Shining "Black Sheep"

Hey, it's Pee again. I actually finished writing the first draft of this AND my Yakuza 4 review months ago on my notebook, but I didn't get around to transcribing it digitally until now. Ended up rewriting a lot more than I was expecting haha

Also I still need to finish my 0 review but I'm a little caught up on making my 6 review first, since I'm kind of just dying to talk about it. Anyways, here's Yakuza 3. It's so cool.

This review contains MAJOR SPOILERS.

Reviewed on April 10, 2024. Last completed on March 5, 2023

Completed on PC (Remastered)

Rating: 8/10 (4 Stars)

Yakuza 3’s become something of a black sheep within the community. It might be because of the jump from Kiwami 2 or the lack of a proper port of the original 2, but a part of the community seems to be so adamant about bashing 3, usually because of the combat, the story, or some mix of both. That being said, I’ve noticed that we’re kind of backtracking from that, as more and more people come to praise and appreciate 3, some even calling it one of the best. Personally, I do find myself liking Yakuza 3 quite a bit, though there are definitely a few missteps that hold it back from really sitting there with the other greats in RGG’s catalogue. 

I just want to get one thing immediately out of the way as I get into the game’s combat: “Blockuza” is an overblown exaggeration. Kiryu has a lot of tools to get past something like that. With that being said though, Yakuza 3’s early game combat can feel a little miserable at times, especially with some egregiously bad boss fights like Tamashiro 1 and Rikiya. Once you grab the Komaki abilities though, it all really starts to open up for the player. Wall bounding with Kiryu’s moveset is fun, counterattacks like the Komaki Parry and Tiger Drop feel especially beefy in this entry, and 3’s engine allows for some neat off-the-ground tech if you know what you’re doing. While I don’t think it’s quite as satisfying as its predecessor Yakuza 2, Yakuza 3’s hits still feel hefty and impactful, with the aforementioned counterattacks being the big winners here. The sound design in the combat is still really solid, and I believe is something that usually goes underappreciated during discussions of this game’s combat (and in general, really). I also just wanna bring up the weird messed-up faces that appear after you use heat actions on the generic street goons. It’s very funny just how absolutely horrible they look after a fight, and it’s even funnier that this carries over to 4. One aspect that I do feel is a little lacking though is Kiryu’s damage in this entry. It’s weirdly lacking? And it’s not like bosses take too long, that’s not really my problem, but it makes heat actions feel oddly weightless despite the good animation work. Getting everything right for a heat action only for it to barely dent the poor soul you’re beating the snot out of just doesn’t feel the same. For comparison, Y4’s Kiryu feels like he does way more damage with his heat actions, and I think they feel better there because of it, which is interesting when you remember Y4 Kiryu is almost identical to his depiction in 3. Yakuza 3’s combat overall is pretty solid save for the early game. It’s far from the strongest this series has seen, but Kiryu’s moveset feels strong and is just pretty fun to mess around with. Props to Richardson for being the only actually enjoyable gun boss fight in the series. With that being said, please keep Lau Ka Long away from me. 

Yakuza 3’s story arguably has Kiryu at his best. He finally gets to breathe in between constant Tojo feuds with some dad slice-of-life stuff at the orphanage, and all of it is just so, so cute. It’s a little slow, sure, and that might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I found myself so charmed by it all. My heart melts seeing Kiryu, who’s gone through so much, get to be happy with his little scamps. The characters really come through here, the stars of course being the Ryudo family. Rikiya’s the brightest one, a fun companion throughout who both contrasts and bounces off of Kiryu well. Then there’s Nakahara and Saki, a sweet encapsulation of the game’s themes of fatherhood. And there’s the kids themselves, all distinct and fun to simply watch run around with their Uncle Kaz. My favorite one is Taichi because he’s awesome. 

The rest of the plot though, I’m a little mixed on. There are some genuinely great stuff here: Mine’s an amazing antagonist despite his small amount of screentime, seeing the Tojo so broken down after Kiryu’s shenanigans in 1&2 was interesting (the Nishikiyama family having KANDA as its patriarch is my favorite example of this), Majima’s characterized shockingly well, this game marking the start of him being taken more seriously, and Joji’s honestly a cool ass character despite being an asspull and a half. Unfortunately, Yakuza 3 has a few egregious mistakes that impede it from being an all-timer story for this series. For one, 3 falls victim to a lot of early writing habits that this series eventually broke out of over time. A lot of characters unjustly die for no good reason, Mine and Kashiwagi being the biggest offenders. It also has the big ol’ “Kiryu forgets to disarm the bad guy and said bad guy kills a valued ally” schtick, and it’s as infuriating as ever. Then there’s the “giant exposition dump” chapter, with Yakuza 3 having by far the worst case of it ever with Chapter 9: The Plot, which is almost entirely dedicated to Kiryu and Date sitting down and listening to some politician explain what the hell is even going on. Despite all of this, Yakuza 3’s story is still very enjoyable, and I think it’s very much worth it to endure all of its little shortcomings to appreciate its amazing characters, both new and returning faces. 

Side content is decently well-rounded for the most part in Y3. It introduced the series to Karaoke, for which we are all eternally grateful, of course. I really like the hostess songs in this entry, and it’s a shame that most of them don’t return for later games. 3 also has the hitman missions, which is a cool side-activity throughout. Additionally I hate Yakuza 3’s golf and everything it stands for Yakuza 3’s substories consist of a lot of filler substories where not much really happens, but the ones that stand out REALLY stand out. You have a really unique substory that spans from Chapter 9 until the finale in Murder at Cafe Alps, you have some silly gag substories like Kiryu having to cross the street with 2 massive ice-cream cones. You have substories that flesh out characters from the main story, like the amazing Dotting the Eye with Rikiya, and the sweet Date’s Pride substory. You can also have Kiryu say “H e y ,  s w e e t c h e e k s” in English, if you so please. I love it! 1-4 all have substories that occasionally use full-on cutscenes, and you can tell how much care they put into them. Yeah, it still has that annoying thing from other early games where you can flat-out fail a substory and lock you out of them, but still. Quality selection of substories. 

Lastly, 3’s soundtrack. I’m absolutely a sucker for this series’ soundtrack, so I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not biased. Yakuza 3’s music bridges the gap between the roughness and raw power of the original Yakuza 1 & 2’s almost grungelike style with the cleaner compositions of the later games, and I think it works out pretty well! You have your badass tracks like FM-Sound’s Storm, Bruise, and Hear this in the game. You have your intense, climactic songs like the fan-favorite Fly, the beautiful Lyricism Without Tears (which, as a bonus, gets one of the coolest track names this series has ever been graced with), and the underrated End Point. I find Yakuza 3’s OST isn’t really talked about all that much outside of the justified praise of Fly, which is a real shame, because there are some real quality tracks on display here. 

Yakuza 3 stands as a very solid game in its own right, even with a few annoyances bogging it down. I don’t think it deserved all of the unending slander it seems to receive. I love my dad Kiryu, I love seeing him hang out with his kids, and, despite all the bad, I still love this game. Also, Albert Wesker’s in it, and I think that’s pretty funny.

[inariedwards]

From the Death Penalty Action email newsletter:

With no appeals remaining, Kevin Burns sits on Tennessee’s death row awaiting his execution for his conviction of murder in the 1992 shooting deaths of Damond Dawson and Tracey Johnson in Memphis. Maintaining his innocence, his only hope is a stay of execution issued by Tennessee’s Governor.

At his 1995 trial, his counsel failed to challenge the state’s narrative that Burns pulled the trigger of the gun that killed either of two men, despite witness accounts and a description of the shooter that conflicts with his appearance. Burns is the only one involved in the incident who is in prison and sentenced to death. Two other men, presumably the gunmen, are out on parole.

According to Richard Tennent, Burns’ lawyer, “Any competent attorney would have had a different outcome at trial. A good attorney would have won, and KB would have never gone to jail.”

In spring 2023, three U.S. Supreme Court justices, including Justice Sonia Sotomayor, protested the court decision not to intervene in Burns’ case. Sotomayor called the denial “disheartening” and said lower court rulings were “indefensible.” She wrote that Burns faces execution despite “a very robust possibility” that he did not kill Dawson “but that the jurors, acting on incomplete information, sentenced him to death because they thought he had.”

"The system muzzles you, keeping you in the background so they can tell the story they want to tell,” said Burns. “I did make some decisions that I regret, but I did not murder anyone. This book is my opportunity to be heard and tell my story in my own words. When KR suggested the project, my first thought was, someone’s finally listening. That’s all I really wanted to accomplish from this book.”

KR is Kevin Riggs, a pastor at Franklin Community Church in Franklin, Tennessee, that has been visiting death row for many years. In addition to co-authoring the book, Riggs supported Burns during his two-year journey to become an ordained pastor. ��

“My purpose in telling KB’s and other inmates’ stories is not to romanticize them, nor is it to disregard the victims and their families,” says Riggs “I believe the victim’s lives need to be honored and remembered, and the victim’s families need all the love and support they can get. I just don’t believe the way to honor victims is through more violence.”

Currently in Tennessee, there are 44 men and one woman on death row. In April 2022, Gov. Bill Lee put a hold on all executions following a report that found the Tennessee Department of Correction was not testing the lethal injection drugs as required by its own protocol. Lee tasked officials with TDOC to create a new protocol before another execution takes place in Tennessee.

“Proximity changes things,” says Burns. “I challenge everyone who reads this book to come and talk to us and listen to our stories. Through building relationships with each other, we will both be changed for the better.”

[flyxbyxnight]

You Didn't Kill Your Pain; It Just Switched Hosts...

(Trigger Warning: This is something I wrote to help me process the death of my close friend who committed suicide on November 11th 2023. If that could be triggering for you, dear reader, or If you know that it will trigger you, please do not proceed. You Matter, You are loved, and If you are caught in the middle of a mental health crisis please call or text 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline. Dying will not kill your pain, it will only spread to those who love you most. Please Stay.)

-------------------------------------------

One

🍂

The grief is heavy;

It hangs in the air so thick that you can cut it with a knife. 

Everyone is here, I wish you could see. Everyone who loves you has all gathered at your mothers house. Every friend you ever had– Even your military brothers have flown in from wherever they’re from. I’m not sure where, I’m sorry I’m not feeling social enough to ask. 

Everyone seems to be in various stages of mourning; Some angry, some sad, some completely numb… I guess I fall into that category at the moment. 

I’m sitting on the front porch steps, practically eating cigarettes one after the other as the low rumble of the chatter from inside disturbs the stillness of the night. It’s cold here on the holler, and I bring the collar of my jacket up to my ears to save them from the biting breeze. 

You picked a bad time to leave us, Vernon. It’s so close to the holidays. Thanksgiving is next week and your sister, Miranda, is already talking about how you won’t be around to tear into her special deviled eggs. You won’t get to meet the baby girl she’s carrying inside her. 

There’s so much you’re going to miss. Why couldn’t you have just hung on for one more hour…another minute, even. 

“Hey…” Virginia’s gentle voice cuts through the low roar of conversation coming from the open front door. She comes and sits by me, and I put the cigarette out on the bottom of my boot. I know the smoke bothers her. 

“How are you holding up?” I ask. Your sister-in-law has been my unsung hero through all of this– From being there to answer the call when I tried to get you help, to being the one to notify me of what you did the next morning. 

“I’m holding up, I guess… About as well as everyone else, I suppose. How are you?”

“I don’t really know. I guess I’m still in shock,” I reply with a heavy sigh. I don’t know how else to answer but with honesty. I know I’m hurting, I’m confused, I’m mad; I’m all kinds of things at once. When Virginia called me that morning and told me you were gone, I just collapsed. It hit me like a truck heading full speed into a brick wall. I screamed, I cried, I wailed into the void begging you to come back. I made sounds that frightened me as I looked back on it. I’d never experienced a loss quite like yours. I’d never felt pain quite like you’ve inflicted. 

You… You really are a bastard for doing this to me…

I know…I’m aware that I’m not the only one who lost you. I’m aware enough to know that I’m not the only one suffering, but… My own pain seems to be the only thing I’m focused on. I guess I’m selfish like that. Yes, you did this to your family, your other friends, your beautiful three year old daughter, Harper; but you did this to me. 

So much for being numb;  I went from numb to bitter in a matter of seconds. 

Grief is weird like that, I guess…

“I’ve gone over it so many times in my mind… I should’ve called you first. I should’ve–”

“No,” she interrupted, placing her warm hand gently on my shoulder. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.” she said, pulling me close so that her arm could reach around my shoulders. I shake my head, and the tears begin to spill out. I do. I do blame myself because you called me when you needed me most and I couldn’t help you. When you held that gun up to your head– I… damnit…

Here comes that horrible noise I make. A new noise I just discovered with your passing. A noise that registers somewhere between an extended bleat of a goat and the braying of a mule. I hate this noise. I hate the way it pulls from deep within my chest, the way the contents of my broken heart spill into it after every shaken breath. I feel helpless, like a small child crying out in distress signaling to a nearby parent— I’m hurt, I’m hurting! Someone please make it stop, because I’m hurting! 

She holds me for a moment, letting her own pain saturated tears drip down onto my hair. 

I love you, Vernon! I love you so much, you said that you loved me too that night; You said I was your sister. 

I don’t want this. I don’t want to hurt this way, I was never meant to lose you like this. 

My mind flashes with visions of your face, none of them with a smile, or any happy memory we shared together- no. It’s all from that night. The emptiness in your eyes, the strain in your voice, the way your tears burned scars on my heart.

 And that gun, always the goddamned gun. 

You didn’t want any services, no wake, no funeral– nothing. Just straight to cremation. 

Not only did you leave me like this, but you took my ability to say goodbye away. 

There’s a process to this. You know there's a process; Those who love you gather together, we say goodbye, we bury you. That’s how it has always been, but you wouldn’t even give me that. 

I would rather have my last memory of you lying peacefully in a beautiful satin lined casket, surrounded by photo’s and flowers, but you wouldn’t give me that.

I’m so mad, Vernon. I’m hurt and I’m mad, but I don’t want to be mad at you. 

I hate being mad at you, because I love you.

I love you… and you can’t even tell me you’re sorry. 

Are you sorry?

Two

🍂

Last Saturday

If I knew this would be the last time I ever spoke with you, I would’ve done better to express how much you mean to me. 

I knew you were drunk when you called. I knew before I even picked up the phone. It was late; around 3am. You weren’t forming coherent sentences, but through the slurred mess I was able to make out what you were trying to express to me. You kept saying “ I want to see you, let's facetime.” So we did, because I wanted to see you too. I wanted to see you; but not like that.  It’s still such a blur. Bits and pieces come to me over time but it was just… so awful. You told me that I didn’t understand, but when you pulled the gun from your desk drawer and put it to your head, I understood. I understood fully. 

Clip in, Clip out, Clip in, Clip out.

Your finger trembles against the trigger. 

I cry out, “Please Don’t! Don’t Do This To Me!” 

I begged you, “Please, Don’t Go!” 

Don’t go…and don’t force me to watch.

 I messaged everybody– Anybody I could think of; Doing everything I could to get you some sort of help. But I didn’t do it right. I must not have done it right. I couldn’t have, or you’d still be here. 

You told me you loved me; but how could you do this to someone you love? 

You kept hanging up, and I kept calling back. But, when you didn’t respond to my calls anymore, I panicked and began to call for help. Nobody answered; No one, except Virginia. She alerted your older brother, Ronnie, and he was able to get you on the phone. You were crying. I was crying. Virginia was calming me down as Ronnie tried to talk you into putting the gun away.

1…2…3…4…5…6…7…

Silence.

You muted the phone before you pulled the trigger.

What you don’t realize is that the same bullet that killed you, 

Killed a part of me too. 

Three

🍂

Present Day

Where are you?

 I seem to be asking this question a lot these days. It feels like I’m closest to you when I’m sad. It's like the connection between us is stronger when I pick at my wounds. 

Am I picking though? Is it picking or is it processing? I can’t tell. 

All I know is that I’m not ready to let you go yet. Even though it seems that everyone around me is done talking about it. It seemed to come and go so fast for them. Kind of like, “Oh he died? Oh, I hate that.” then it's over for them. I’m not finished. I may never be finished, but it feels like my circle of those I can share this with is getting smaller. It is getting smaller. I can’t speak as freely as I want to because it bothers people. I don’t want to bother anyone, it’s not in my nature. But with this, I want to tear my chest open in a crowded place and scream, “Look What He Did To Me!... LOOK AT WHAT HE DID!” for I know that if my heart were to be exposed, if it were out in the open for all to see, It would be covered in gashes, open and bleeding, rotting down to the meat and muscle that it’s made from. I wanted to fix it. I should’ve been able to fix it. Everyone always comes to me for everything. And thus far I’d been able to say the right things; to give some sort of relief. 

But I couldn’t fix you. 

I couldn’t, and I’m sorry. 

I love you.

I’m lost. 

I’m completely consumed by the emptiness you left behind. I can’t see anything else. 

I can’t hear anyone else. I’m sensitive, and raw. 

I just want you back.