#These moments make me feel so lonely
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I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#today was….not good#and at one point i had a moment#where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it#but im still really hopeful it will happen some day#because all i want in this world is to feel secure#and for others to feel secure around me#and for everyone to feel secure around people they love#because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t#but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all#im manifesting it#im completely okay btw things just got a little rough#and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay#im gay and i like sleeping#also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever#im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight
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This or That: Tarlos Edition -> Loft or townhouse?
#911 lone star#911lsedit#tarlos#tk strand#carlos reyes#this or that tarlos edition#my gifs#let it be known that the real answer is obviously the loft#and i will be reblogging the set i've made for that one already after i post this!#but there's a lot to appreciate about the townhouse too!#these two soulmates fell in love here!! had so many good moments here!#but also RIP to the good artwork in this townhouse#I feel like the art here is better than some of the prints up in the loft#(yes I did make all these this afternoon in chaos mode don’t @ me about it lol)#a wild Michelle has made it into this gif simply because we needed to see the art on that wall lmao
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Fernando S2E2 - "Welcome Home"
#theres a lot of other random things i wanna post from this ep but this montage particularly stuck w me#waaahhh he seemed so lonely :((#THEY MADE HIM GO TO ABU DHABI ALONE OKAY :<#he misses his parents and sister so much sob sob#so he had to have a cinematic moment hahaha#like seriosuly just like that random moment w carlos sr from the first season its seriously so cinematic#like pls tell me in the tags what kinda movie this would be from hahaha#so the other stuff i might post is basically him just being puppy sad in his hotel room#...and i also took way too many clips of his hands cause...reasons. so uh yeah lmk if i should in fact make that#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#fernando(show)#fernando s2e2#i love how ive posted other content from this ep(twink montage) but i feel like it got shadowbanned LMFAO#we do a little bit of f1
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the more i think abt goldica the more i like it
#mine#like yes i get it theyre boring straight people booo but hear me out .#the fact chica is goldens main motivation for joining the animatronics triggering his whole arc?#the fact chia is the beakon of what golden wants? a good person who will love hil wothout asking anything in return?#and their first meeting perfectly encamsulates that? when golden is feeling miserable and as lonely as ever and she comes in out of nowhere#and does a nice act for him without getting anything in return?#and he follows her wherever she leads after that because he truly believes no one else would love him like that?#and the way he loves her strange quirks that have pushed people away bc his loyalty to her is unshakable?#and it just adds to her being different from all the people who have claimed to love him but ended up using him?#and how she sees golden not sjowing up for practice as a betrayal because she trusted him and at the end of the day#it was chica who created the band and hisbloyalty to her should also be to the band? so him flaking on the band is flaking on her?#and the way neither of them want to show their weak moments? the way they never speak of what haunts them? and that is effectively what#makes their relationship fall apart? even thougj they lobe wach othee deeply? because they simoly cant be vulnerable and honest?#because they dont want to be weak in front of the othee?#can anyone hear me#im going insane#ive been planning an analyisis of goldica but i havent gotten around to rewatching the series to make it#and its driving me crazy i think#fnafhs
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thinking abt felix being protective of areadbhar and feeling entirely normal about it actually
#deertalking#feposting#few3h#ITS SO. LIKE THE WAY HES DEPICTED IN THIS GAME DRIVES ME CRAZY#like i haven’t thought this through i don’t have a point here exactly#i’m just thinking abt the screencaps here from the king awakens & him giving ingrid glenn’s spur & his support w mercedes & the cat#where mercie points out the cat likes him & he goes ‘well i can’t keep it. It’s practically a kitten what if it has parents that miss it’#not to even mention wildflowers for the future!!!!#like. ROLLS ON THE GROUND#it’s abt ‘i’m not immune to emotions you know’ it’s about it’s about#it’s abt how he feels like his emotions were disregarded since childhood (esp after duscur) so he pushed away the#sentimentality because he’s seen where it got his friends (revenge quests & death wishes)#but he can’t help but follow his friends down those paths anyway because he loves them so much!!!!!!!#like him acknowledging the spear’s importance to dimitri bc it’s all that’s left of lambert but ALSO#in that moment it’s all FELIX has left of DIMITRI. ykwim#like felix babygirl my beloved y do u think it makes u sick to see areadbhar in the enemy’s possession……..#he is just so hypocritical i adore him. he might be the character of all time to me#bro is trying so hard to b a lone wolf but was NOT built for that he was built to be loved and cherished by his friends#and so he shall be. thank you#um anyway idk what my point here was. i just like thinking abt how much felix loves everybody#someday i will make a coherent felix post. today is not that day#dmlxposting#dimilix#yknow what yeah.
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Okay smartass how would you fix Bingqiu if you had your way?
If you actually want to know you could do to be less of a rude little shit about it, anon, but all right.
This is not about 'fixing' anything. Bingqiu is a wildly popular ship and a lot of people enjoy the exact kind of delusional insanity these two have about each other and that's honestly great. Love it for them. Not my cup of tea though.
I think the easiest and fastest way to make them sort their shit out and maybe put them in a position where I might actually be interested in what's going on with them is to take the protagonist halo away. Maybe the System short circuits, maybe it just gets automatically turned off after the extras, don't know don't care.
A lot of Shen Qingqiu's self delusions are fueled by his unshakeable belief that Luo Binghe, being The Protagonist, is Perfectly Fine the way he is. Binghe is the Protagonist, so when there are no character development or obligatory angst events going on he is happy and healthy and a slightly charred good boy and Shen Qingqiu is The Happy Wife who dotes on his hubby and Everything Is Right In The World. Endless honeymoon with their responsibilities only coming to bother them every once in a while. And it makes it way too easy for Binghe to cover up that he's still hurt, still unstable and still insecure by what went down because Shen Qingqiu is willing to take him at face value when he presents his insecurities as just being shameless neediness for his husband. Of course he happily indulges Binghe! But that isn't really helping with the core of the problem now, does it?
Like, Binghe takes steps towards ensuring Shen Qingqiu's mental wellbeing even at the cost of his own as soon as Maigu Ridge is over when he takes him back to the sect. Shen Qingqiu tries too, in his own way (the entire segment in the tombs is all about him putting himself in very real danger for Binghe's sake) but at the same time, this is a guy who completely missed the writing on the wall that Bingge was deeply unhappy in PIDW. As long as he can hold onto his internal picture that The Protagonist Suffered A Lot But He Is Fine Now I don't think he can really offer the right kind of emotional support for Binghe to actually heal from what happened to him and move on to a healthier frame of mind.
If you take the protagonist halo away, then first of all Binghe can, you know, suck a little. Or a lot, actually. The world not making excuses for him and him being a little defanged would be good for him. He gets really nothing he actually wants from being the protagonist - Shen Qingqiu will love him anyway. Mobei-jun will still stick around to back him up and help him out, because he's still Shang Qinghua's favorite fictional son and Qinghua is happy to see Binghe happy, just, you know, somewhere way over there where he can't get jealous tsundere over Cucumber bro and maybe murder him about it. Sha Hualing is still going to be his buddy because he's her best source of human trivia and the writing inspiration for her girlfriend. Not having to be demon emperor and getting more time to spend with his husband would be a relief.
But he would have to be more aware of other people because he's not above them anymore. Maybe even forced to make a few new friends to get by. And his mask will fail and Shen Qingqiu will have to see him for what he is: just Luo Binghe, still hurt and still confused half demon, who loves him very much, but can't make sense of him and is afraid that he will be left behind or pushed away without explanation again and that's kinda Shen Qingqiu's own damn fault.
And Shen Qingqiu can't hold onto his delusions about The Protagonist. He can't willfully ignore that things are not fine with Binghe because he's not the Protagonist anymore and the world only allows that special privilege for the Protagonist. Binghe is just a guy now and he has so many heart demons he needs help with. His trauma from the abyss or Xin Mo can't be brushed off with 'oh that's just part of his blackening he's fine now' anymore. And it might need a little bit of adjusting to internalize that these problems have always been here just below the surface, but Shen Qingqiu genuinely loves Binghe and would want to help him become happier and more stable in any way he can.
Binghe becoming part of the world in a way that's one person among many - building a support network! maybe befriending new demons or actually getting to know and making up with the QJ disciples or finding common ground with LQG and becoming sparring buddies - rather than a protagonist in a sea of NPCs is a lot more interesting to me than whatever he has going on at the end of canon. And Shen Qingqiu can be there with him on that journey, because he already started unlearning the sense of unreality the System conditioned into him, but he still has a long way to go.
#i feel like a lot of very real hurt and mental scarring Binghe suffered just get brushed aside as 'oh it's just part of his blackening'#like the aftereffects of Xin Mo alone would deserve a mention but Binghe Has The Love Of His Life Now So Everything Is Fine#also I think people really undersell how hard SQQ can delude himself when he tries#he already had practice in it convincing himself that he's absolutely het and not even a little gay at all#but then the System really fucked up how he sees the world#made him see things structured completely around the arc of a harem and then romance protagonist#and neither of those frameworks ALLOW him to see how mentally scarred LBH is by everything#like he would occasionally get a moment of 'oh LBH might actually need more friends he looks lonely hanging out with just me and NYY'#but then his idiot reader brain reasserts itself and he convinces himself that it's FINE because the protagonist can't be maladjusted#I joke a lot that Binghe is a red flag and that's Shen Yuan's favorite color#but it's more a case of “you say that it's a red flag but I won't see it because the narrative can't allow it to be red”#Shen Yuan's attachment to the source material and the roles he constructs based on it are actively harming both of them#and I don't feel like it really makes things better that by the end he moved himself from the role of the Villain to the role of the Wife#they are still roles that impact how he interacts with reality n still constrict how well he's able to understand or be understood by Bingh#tl;dr.: Shen Yuan needs to become less of a delulu millennial trashfire bc it's holding both of them back from healing#anyway these are my unfiltered Bingqiu thoughts take it or leave it
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almost 2am here so rambling time but gah
i miss my literary analysis classes. i miss that writing group i was invited to years ago. i miss just going absolutely nuts over a text. i miss discussing writing, characters. i miss the feedback. i miss getting excited hearing an older lady's memoirs on soviet-era nuclear plants. i miss the exciting stories of an irish immigrant. i miss the beautifully written, soul-touching tales full of mythos from a hawaiian woman. i miss having someone listening to me reading my stories, patiently waiting for me to go through the motions, only to tell me things that they found exciting or enjoyable in my text.
above all, i just miss the sense of community. the connection. finding beauty in all sorts of art forms. being alone in a foreign country, with relatively niche interests is just.. a lot sometimes
#life#i am feeling nostalgic but also.. sad?#my biggest struggle with writing (besides actually getting to write) is that.. it feels so lonely#and when i had that group i was still so.. idk shy? hesitant?#they were all native english speakers besides me so i always felt sort of.. an odd one out?#and most of them were older and had more experience and i was just there..#with my silly little stories full of feelings#the amount of times i cried through reading my writing lmao#but idk.. there are those moments those words and themes and phrases in writing that just grip my heart#sometimes it's sad sometimes it's happy but they just make me suck my breath in and tears just come out#i love writing and the art of language and weaving it like a cloth adding things!! the intent behind choosing certain embellishments? ? ? ?#going insane atm
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lumpus is a fascinating specimen glad theres other people also fond of him
HE SURE IS i will be honest i almost like him a Little Too Much because i Also live in my fantasy world of make believe where camp lazlo is a little more than a 6.4/10 show (I STILL LOVE YOU SWEETHEART!) and instead also includes all my insane 20k spiels of backstory stringing and talks about character writing but
(also. i do think it's funny how popular slinkman is in comparison, i love him just as much, but i actually see people mention really liking slinkman pretty frequently if someone happens to posts about camp lazlo which is GOOD because he DESERVES IT MAJORLY but the lumpus bug has Also caught me something awful even though i hate him and he sucks so i'm alone adrift in the world out here...)
edited this just for him
#mail#cartoons#camp lazlo#you can't send me this though because i'll remember how lonely it is in this fandom#and start talking about the 500 things i never share until i'm finished with them#and then i'm on my knees begging anonymous tumblr user to talk to me about camp lazlo#i keep being like maybe i should make a sideblog cus i have so many OCs and WHATEVER else#but then i'm also like i should've done that 4 years ago when we revived the fandom for a bit#anyway i wore like over-the-calf socks the other day on my walk and the whole time i was like “heh... 😏 just like scoutmaster lumpus”#like what is WRONG with you?#thank you for indulging me for a brief moment here though i'm too cowardly to put this out of the tags but#i hate that i love him so much like its on me for going way too hard on things#and he literally does so much stupid shit that even the later writing should piss me off even more than it does#but like when he's written good he's written so good... and voice acted so well... tom kenny....... sir#he's a moose which is extra special around here...#i love his moosey snout and his curly hair and his stupid navy socks and his little moose tail in the comics and his glasses i hate him#i feel like these 2 in general like at a glance aren't super eye catching but i'm seriously insane so there is So Much to work with to me..
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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Life just feels like everyone moves on without you and no. I don't like it at all.
#i have thoughts that arent coherent enough to throw into these tags#but it makes me sad and lonely like how can you just do that#its like watching people grow and change into people you hardly recognize#but theres a trend with it like they start to get extremely ✝️ in ways they never were and its like i dont feel like i know you anymore#and people just laser gaze to marriages and children and holy shit i cant relate#i am a mix of too many varying thoughts and feelings but it all boils down to i miss people#i miss my friends ans how we were and how life was and how you felt like you knew tour place in lofe for a brief moment in time with those#people#those typos are brutal#so we are going to end it here#for now
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk#i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting#it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like#ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing#the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more#i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy#but i dont know how to get there#and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me#all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself#i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do#anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol#im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM#lilac rambles
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Learned today everything I thought I was reading way too into the assassins guild is all literally real and fully canon and fully intentional and so much more fucked than I ever thought has me still reeling. Im still so insane over this.
#GOOD NIGHT OF KNIVES TRANSLATION SAVE ME.#txt#I literally can not emphasize what learning how Horrifically Sad and Lonely zato one is did to my understanding of the guild as a while#he feels abandoned and hurt by slayer leaving.#his need for power and need to control every aspect of millia and venoms lives is directly tied to that.#he hates millia not for getting him locked away. but for Abandoning him. he was Left.#he cant sleep despite sleeping pills and other shit without holding onto her.#eddie cant die without being in her arms.#oh my fucking god.#millia willingly accepting some of his abuse because at least during sex she can forget.#millia lashing out at zato in a moment of weakness asking if shes happy because shes Not#because happiness to her is freedom. and he knows he is the reason she doesnt have that.#him just Accepting her Dream is to never see his dream ever come to fruition.#also like#venoms jealousy of millias abuse makes complete sense w this.#and of course millia would laud it over him. hes an ass.#god I literally havent stopped thinking about this since I read the wip. I cant. its so.#I cant fucking believe Assassins Guild is a narrative about how cycles of abuse and violence are perpetrated.#and how freedom from the cycle of your father and his father before him is Happiness.#THATS REAL. THATS NOT MADE UP. ITS REAL. god. holy fuck.
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my intrusive 911LS thought of the evening: what exactly made Paul decide to even come down to Austin to interview for the job with the 126? when you see him during his interview he’s pretty closed off, not really interested at all (posture leaned back, arms crossed, face pretty unimpressed in general):
and when he turns the job down initially, he’s so matter-of-fact about not taking it:
but he still came all the way to texas from chicago for this interview. and sure, maybe it’s similar to marjan who just wanted to visit SXSW (iconic of her honestly) and he was just getting a vacation out of it. but personally, I like to think that the ~super spidey instincts~ he has told him that something about this interview could change his life.
maybe it could give him a fresh start somewhere new, give him a new found family of his choosing:
a place of belonging with a group of people who love him for who he is and support him like he deserves:
… (and double the salary, get that cash paul, you stud!)
#911 lone star discussion & meta#paul strickland#up in my paul feels tonighttt#i just love him a lot#I really wish we got a bit more into the thought process for both marjan and paul when they decided to relocate#that's such a huge life decision to make and the show really only alluded to the reasons being. 1: salary#and 2: being respected for their work (marj) and being an inspiration to others (paul)#I feel like there HAD to be more to that for them#anywayyy this came out of nowhere for me but I just had a ~moment when I was making gifs earlier#i need more paul in my life and so does everyone else#i really hope we see more of him tomorrow night!!#my gifs#episode: s01e01 pilot
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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I am 100 percent with you on preferring the JP line in that cutscene if only because it does feel more powerful (and his voice is SO soft, which is something that frequently gets completely lost in the dub in general. Mamoru carries a much softer tone overall for Flynn, similar to how Yuri's playfulness and carefree vibe got lost in favor of the dub's aim for a more "cool adult guy").
That said, I was not even aware they left the whistle out!!! I haven't bothered with that sidequest because the outfit is readily available for free as DLC.
While I enjoy having Flynn present in the last battle, I wish they'd just had him look back up at the sky and say that right next to Yuri right before the very end of the cutscene (since imo that'd be the best placement for it). No reason not to stick that back in!!!
But removing the whistle is just an outright crime and I am owed a fee from the people who decided that for the devastation I've been inflicted with.
Big same 🤝
I used to be such a fan of the eng dub but tbh ever since I experienced the original japanese (back when we still called it the PS3 Version lol) I never looked back. The wording is so, so, SO much more layered and leaves little room to misinterpret subtleties and subtext. Like you, I've had many gripes about the localization because sometimes they just plain insert stuff that was never there in the first place - iirc Troy Baker admited that apparently they rushed the dub so hard, sometimes the voice actors themselves were asked to chip in for the translation...he said he loved that (I'll bet), but that might explain why so much of the OG english script was already full of weird phrasings and insertions...add to that the even more sloppy and lazy DE localization and you get only half of the richness of the original japanese.
Also yes Mamo and Tori *are* Flynn and Yuri more than anybody ever could be. Sam and Troy do a good enough job but I agree that Troy may have been directed to play Yuri closer to a traditional "cool bad boy", which is hilarious given how the original Yuri is a twist on that very trope. Unfortunately, Troy gave him this uncharacteristically cold/aggressive edge whenever he talks to Flynn that it makes it sound like he's always annoyed to see him, and it strips their relationship of so much of the softness and playfulness that Tori lends Yuri.
Anyway enough about me ranting because I could go on for about 10 more hours about this issue lmao. Honestly yeah they very well could've rearranged Flynn's cutscene to fit in there at the end, like hell if you can change the entire camera angles of whole scenes you can change that one background, no?? Knowing Tomizawa though that might have been more effort than he was willing to grant this remaster - won't be his last time.
Same for the wolf whistling!! They replaced it with a skit that is just as funny...
youtube
....but void of the insane flirting the original had. Idek why they went so far as to change it, it would've been less work to just leave it as it was 😭
#sorry for the length i just will never be able to shut up abt the translation#theres so much wrong with it#and when i say 'so much' i dont mean 'huge things' i mean 'a million tiny things that end up becoming huge in the big picture'#the most eggregious mistranslations to me were the ones where they shoehorned heterosexuality where there was none to begin with#like inserting estelle in sentences from yuri when she wasnt even in the original jp line#i know jpn loves to play w/ the implicit & the context but when yuri says to repede 'its gonna be lonely now huh' after the party separated#then he does not mean 'its gonna be lonely *without estelle in particular*' he means *without everyone* because he got used to them#and yet the tl makes it only abt her#or#the most unforgivable mistranslation of all to me#when they turned yuris response to estelle's 'id love to keep travelling with you' just before tarqaron from 'thanks same here'#to 'i feel the same way'#like ?????#that changes the ENTIRE conversation BECAUSE its all about the subtext#like it or not (and i hate it) but estelle does have some bodyguard crush on yuri there and this is the way she chooses to 'confess'#you can tell just by the way the scene plays out & how much it lingers on yuris very careful pokerface bc he has very clearly Understood#and yet does not reciprocate so he's being very careful what his next words will be so she Gets The Memo without having to hurt her feelings#and it works!! because iirc she does drop her head and nod a little as if she did get it and accepted what that he basically rejected her#so this isnt JUST some unimportant line#ITS VERY MUCH THEN MOMENT HE SAYS THANKS BUT NO THANKS#SO TRANSLATING THAT WITH 'I FEEL THE SAME' MAKES ZERO SENSE AS IT JUST DESTROYS THE ORIGINAL MEANING BY TURNING IT INTO ITS ENTIRE OPPOSITE#sorry im getting heated abt this again i just#f#even the scenario book interviews confirm that and put emphasis on it so this isnt just me reading too much into it for The Yaoiz#*thats* the subtlety vesperia deals with all the time and *thats* the subtlety the eng tl keeps chipping away at#i know the translators most likely had little direction to go off of so this isnt to dunk on them#more like the complete lack of communication between loc departements and the heteronornativity they resort to when in doubt#hell even higuchi agreed when i addressed this on twitter with him#dude knows#ANYWAY TUMBLR SAID IM EXCEEDING THE TAG LIMIT LMAO sorry for the huge rant i just. have feelings abt tov's loc
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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