#There's nothing... graphic I guess but it's still sensitive?

[masquenoire]

So Roman wouldn't be happy having a biological child. What would he do if he did end up having one?

(Warning: Sensitive topic! Slipped more under the cut ~)

To say that Roman wouldn’t be happy having a biological child is an understatement. He would be distraught, especially if he were the one carrying the baby. He’d still be upset if he wasn’t (unless it was planned, greatly desired by his partner) but there’s a possibility he’d come round to the idea, getting to play daddy were he in a good relationship. Barring magic or alien biology, it’s almost certain this will NEVER happen. It’s more likely he’ll end up as the birth parent and that’s where the issues come in. It shouldn’t have happened. Normally he’s so careful, doubling up on protection even though the odds are against him conceiving. It still happened, so now he’s fucked in more ways than one. Roman’s immediate thought is to get rid of it. He can’t risk anybody knowing he’s pregnant, people finding out what he is so he’ll hide away, have his men spread rumors of an attempted assassination gone wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time somebody’s tried killing him on his own turf and would explain his lengthy absence away from the criminal limelight, needing time to recover when the truth is so much worse than any rumor could ever be. Afterwards is a different story. Roman would be a tortured soul throughout the whole experience, his dysphoria screaming as loudly as the memories of his mother’s voice, back when she’d rage at him for hours that he’d ruined her figure, ruined her life and all she got out of it was a disgusting little freak she’d never even wanted in the first place. Feeling the same way towards his own offspring would make him the most miserable he’d ever been in his life and would only cement Roman’s decision to get rid of the child as soon as it arrives. He’d ask the only man he trusts, tasking Horsehead with finding a suitable caretaker to take the little one on as their adoptive charge, to ensure he never has to be in their life and that the consequences of being related to him won’t affect them someday. God willing they never find out the awful truth, merely that they were the result of a drunken fling he had no interest keeping. There’d be money set aside in a trust fund for them and plenty of it too, to ensure they’re able to live comfortably with access to good education. Roman can only hope they never come tracking him down some day far off into the future, and if they do, they’ll buy the act he’s an uncaring father, too callous and cold to ever want a child around. As far as Roman Sionis is concerned, an absent parent is better than an abusive one and it’s best for all parties involved he plays no part in parenthood.

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

The Soldier Of Death (2)- Encounter

Natasha Romanoff X Super Soldier Reader 18+

Summary: Soldat Smerti. The Soldier of Death. You were the perfect weapon: loyal, obedient, and merciless, or so Hydra thought. What happens when these traits are put to the test? Your captivity in the Avenger's tower and the presence of a redhead makes you realise you didn't have to be a monster. The question was though; Did Hydra make you the monster or were you always one?

This fic will contains dark themes. Please read these warnings before starting any of these chapters: graphic descriptions of murder, violence, gore and torture, heavy angst, mental issues.

Please consider these warnings before reading

Word Count: 2.8k

General Masterlist | The Soldier Of Death Masterlist

Encounter

Chapter warning- Brief Violence (nothing graphic), Dark/unstable thoughts

 ---

A metal baton was vigorously smashed against the steel door, a loud, unpleasant noise ringing around your head painfully at the guards action. Unwillingly, you tore your gaze away from your blurred reflection in the metal door, looking up through the small gap between bars at the smirking man.

"Come on Soldat, give us a smile," he sneers mockingly, hitting the stick even more violently against the door, your sensitive hearing causing you to clench your jaw at the agony in your ears and head. You remained silent, eyes staring into his with an empty look while his dark eyes contained a sinister glint, revelling in the power and dominance he had over you.

You ignore his taunting remark, face stoic as you waited to see why he was here, his lips stretching into a menacing smile as he revealed his rotting teeth, a smug expression on his face as he moved out of sight before returning.

"I guess you don't want this then," his tone sly as he showed you the tray with your food on it, a small glint of life glossing over in your eyes. You weren't sure how long it had been since you had eaten, the guards punishing you for no apparent reason and wanting to make you suffer. You could feel your body slowly desire the unappetising slop served in a bowl, your stomach yearning for something to fill it up. The Russian man knew how hungry you would have been, slowly taking the tray out of view again and showing his face through the small window of the door, "If you want it Soldat, give your favourite guard a smile."

The act of smiling was so unfamiliar to you, you had to remember how to do it, reluctantly moving the muscles in your face to show him the wanted expression, eyes remaining cold as your lips tugged upwards. His comment also didn't go unnoticed by you, but you ignored it for the time being, not wanting him to take the dish away as you spat back at him about the cruel actions he has delivered to you.

He says no more, merely chuckling in a low tone to himself at your obedience before opening the small hatch in the door. With no care, he shoves the tray through, letting it clatter to the concrete ground in front of you, part of the beige coloured paste spilling out of the metal dish, the water in the matching metallic cup sloshing around but just about remaining in it.

"Thank you," your voice rough as you show your appreciation for the man, the response ingrained into you, the consequences of not showing your gratitude not worth the pain and torment. You don't hear a response from him, the sound of boots becoming fainter and fainter as you're left all alone in your isolated cell, eyes flickering back up to your reflection in the door.

You watched attentively as your reflection moved, the figure moving to stand and inspect the tray of food that was still on the floor before looking up at you with a disappointed stare.

We're better than this.

Their voice matches their gaze, hand reaching down to the tray, lifting the spoon immersed in the paste and dropping it back in with a grimace at the consistency.

We need to fight back.

Show them that we are in control

You look back down at the concrete floor, counting all the small indents and scratches in the stone made by you, a defeated sigh leaving you as you listen to them.

You don't know what caused the sight before you, too far gone to bother trying to figure out whether it was the lack of food, tiredness, loneliness or your own broken mind that caused the hallucinations of yourself, the version a fragmented part of your personality.

"I can't," you mutter, voice cracking from how rare you use it. You hear the reflection scoff, snapping your head up at the frustrated tone.

You can.

We can.

Look at them, they are nothing compared to us. Nothing. We could kill them all without thinking about it. Just let me take control. I'll set us free.

"No," you croak out into the empty room, the reflection turning their back to you in annoyance, a sense of fear running through you at being left alone. "I don't want you to kill them," at your words they spin back around, rage and confusion evident despite their blurriness.

Why? They deserve to die after what they've done to us.

You can't disagree with their statement but you just can't kill anymore people. You're haunted enough by the actions you've done, nevermind the one's your other side have brutally carried out when taking control.

"I can't hurt anymore people-"

You can. You will. No matter how hard you try to redeem us, it's impossible. Accept the fact that we're-

"No," you grit out, a look of surprise but also amusement flickering across their face as they move to mirror your position on the concrete, crossing their legs and placing their hands on their thighs. "I'm not," the tone of your voice is significantly quieter, your reflection returning to normal as the sound of approaching steps can be heard.

You can tell their close and scurry over to the tray, trying to get as much of the tasteless food into your body to provide some sort of energy, chugging the water in one to keep you hydrated as your general appears in the small gap, shaking his head at your pathetic form on the floor.

"Soldat," his tone is deep and laced with a thick accent, your body moving to kneel, posture straight as he addresses you. "Are you ready to comply?"

"Da, Sare," you can feel your darker side trying to take control, knowing a mission was about to present itself. You internally fought against them, their sicking desire for bloodshed too much for your fragile and splintered mind to take anymore.

"We need you to stall the Avengers as we evacuate the base in Siberia," he says, the metal door creaking open as he carelessly throws you your suit, motioning for you to put it on as he briefs you on your part of the mission. He didn't care about telling you the ins and outs of the reasoning, your only use being their weapon. "Do whatever you must Soldat to keep your presence unknown," you nod in understanding while pulling the black fabric onto your body, the knowledge of the blades near your fingertips exciting the darkness within you. "And listen carefully Soldat, do not kill any of the Avengers. If you kill them, it declares war and we are not ready for war yet." His hand motions for you to follow him, his heavy boots pounding in your ear drums as he leads you to the jet. "Do you understand Soldat?"

"Da, Sare."

He remains quiet at your answer, watching the other Hydra agents boarding the jet with you, his gaze drifting back over to your stoic form as you take your seat.

"Remember the consequences Soldat," he warns as the door of the jet slowly closes, your jaw clenching at his words. "Hail Hydra."

***

The snow that softly crunched under the weight of your boots quickly turned into gentle footsteps as you quietly entered the base, the Avengers already swarming through the base in search of whatever they could find. Your ears picked up the frantic heartbeats of the Hydra agents trying to cover up their tracks, the faint sound of steps on the east side of the building indicating that some were already trying to escape.

Your eyes fluttered shut to help you focus, ears trying to pick up on the heartbeats of the enemy as they slowly made their way through the endless amount of corridors. The closest one you could pick up was only a few turns away, their heart beating slow and steady, the sound of a bow string being pulled indicating who it was.

Agent Barton, also known as Hawkeye, relaxed the taut string of his weapon, his footsteps careful and light to avoid the unnecessary noise as he crept through the base. His steps indicated he was heading closer to you, your hands slipping into your pocket to retrieve the small bottle one of the agents handed to you, the chloroform being absorbed by the cloth you were also given as you doused it in the chemical.

Naturally, you retreated to the shadows of the hallways, the flickering lights not much use to the Avengers but perfect for you as you edged your way closer to the unknowing man. Your body remained still as he rounded the corner, your suit in the dark allowing you to be practically invisible as you camouflaged into the darkness, his hand pulling on the string of his bow momentarily before deeming it safe, turning to look the other way as he thought he heard or saw something.

As the opportunity presented itself, you stalked your way over to him, one hand roughly pressing the damp cloth against his mouth while your other wrapped around his eyes, blocking his view. His bow clattered to the ground while his hands were thrown back against your body, his punches futile. Due to the concentration of the sedative substance, it didn't take long for his body to become limp in your arms, slowly lowering him to the ground and slipping the comms out of his ear and into your own.

The chat was pretty quiet as everyone searched their respective areas, your hearing still picking up your fellow teammates, the sound of ruckus quietening indicating they were almost done.

"It doesn't seem like anyone is here Cap," a man says into the coms, your ears picking up the sound nearby without the need of the technology.

"Just keep searching, there must be something here," the man, who you supposed was Captain America by the nickname he was called, speaking up.

Pressing your body against the wall, you waited as the sound of steps became closer, the sound of some sort of metallic object also being able to be heard. Once the metal of his wings were visible, you gripped the edge of them and pulled him towards you, hand clamping over his mouth with the still damp cloth to muffle his surprised noise. He tries to kick at your leg pointlessly, his efforts having no impact while the wings become awkward in your face making you snap them off with your other hand. You can see his eyes widen at the sudden show of strength, them quickly fluttering close due to pressure of the laced cloth.

Laying his body down like you did with the last Avenger, you stood tall when the sounds of steps approaching caused you to tense, unable to remove yourself from their line of sight.

"Sam.." their voice died out once seeing the menacing figure looming over his still body, the voice clearly a woman as you turned around to face her, your mask and googles hiding the fear that ran across your face at failing part of your mission.

Keep your presence unknown.

Fear and terror also flooded through the redhead, her face remaining stoic despite her recognition of you. Her mind flashbacked to the video of your hands forcing the skull apart, not a single hint of emotion or humanity in your almost robotic form.

"Who are you?" she asks, your gaze still remaining on her as you take a step forward. When your boot met the floor, hers moved one back, an usual amount of horror consuming the spy.

Your lack of response wasn't a surprise to Natasha, but your sudden attack was as you forcefully threw your leg at her. Her body missed your violent swing by a mere inch, her heart beating wildly in her chest as you prowled towards her. Her instincts kicked in when you threw another at her, her agile body sliding out of the way before she spun on the heel of her foot, propelling the movement of her body as her foot collided with your leg.

Due to the unexpected swiftness, you were knocked slightly at her attack, jaw clenching as this wasn't supposed to be happening. You could feel the darkness inside you clawing at you, wanting to mercilessly make her pay for her actions but you held your ground, mirroring her action and spinning fast on your feet to swipe at her feet, knocking her onto the ground.

A sharp intake of breath sounded from her lips when her back collided with the concrete floors, a pained groan escaping her before she tried to make it back to her feet, your enhanced speed beating her.

Your fingers abruptly threaded through the red locks at the back of her head, forcing her to look up at you. Your free hand went to her throat, fingers pressing into the side of it causing her to cough at the force of your grip. The fight was unmatched from there, your abilities easily overpowering her as her body tried to fight you, hands prying at yours to make you stop. When her emerald eyes bore into your own, a strange emotion stirred inside you at the desperate glint that glossed over in them before her arm raised at your distracted state.

An agonising pain ripped through your body at the electrical shock being passed through you, one of her signature widow bites attaching itself to your neck as your grip falters, body convulsing with the high current coursing through you. You dropped to your knees in front of the woman opposite you who coughed and harshly gasped for breath, her chest rising and falling with each ragged breath she took, your fingers trying to pry the device off.

Your fingers dug roughly under it, a low and pained groan escaping you, the disgruntled noise muffled by your mask as you pried it off your skin, the metal catching you and irritating the skin as you pulled it free. The throbbing pain ceased in your body, head raising to look at your enemy when the heel of her boot brutally strook your face.

A loud crack rang around the corridor, mixing with the heavy breaths from both of you as you turned to face her, part of the tinted glass in your goggles shattered.

Natasha slowed her body once catching your gaze, her arm moving to retrieve the small hand gun at her side when she hesitated. Rage and anger was what she expected to see swirling in your eyes, not the emotionless stare that soon morphed into despondency. Her brows furrowed at the raw glint in them, her hand still raising the weapon at you as you remained on your knees. There was a desperation in your eyes as the look lingered, your body begging her to take your life rather than sparing it, her finger hovering over the trigger, her mind racing to make a decision on whether she should spare your life or not.

You made the decision for her when you lost control, letting the darkness overtake for a split second as they lashed your arm out at hers, knocking the gun out of her hand, a bullet bouncing off the ceiling as your body was forced to its feet.

Kill her.

The thought repeated, and repeated, and repeated, inside your mind as you threw your fist at her, her arm blocking it before her arm launched at you, the action being easily anticipated as you caught her hand. Her body staggered back as you pushed her against the wall, pinning it above her head while your knee was roughly lodged into her lower abdomen, winding her. Your grip was tight, her face turning into a grimace as you pushed your knee even harder into her, her free hand trying to activate another widow bite when you caught it, pinning it with the other.

Let me kill her.

The darkness gnawed at your composure, begging you relentlessly to just give in. Flashes of violent deaths blurred your vision, a pained expression taking over your face at the bloodshed making you grab the cloth that was hidden in your pocket, forcing it against her nose and mouth and making her breath in the chemical.

Natasha's eyes noticed the conflict behind your eyes, her mind not able to process it as her vision went black, body temporarily shutting down at the drug she breathed in.

Her body slumped to the ground after sliding down the wall, your body lingering above hers while your mind screamed at you to leave, your body unable to. You only started to move at the sound of approaching people, slinking back into the darkness and deciding to leave, the sound of Hydra agents in the far distance indicating your success in helping them evacuate.

Despite the mission being completed successfully in that sense, dread took over your body while the snow crunched under your foot on the journey back to the jet, your general's words ringing around inside your mind.

Keep your presence unknown.

Remember the consequences Soldat.

[circle-with-me]

make me feel like a god - noah sebastian x g/n reader

pairing: noah sebastian x g/n reader (no use of pronouns)

content warning/tags: 18+ MDNI!! handjob, spit as lubricant, use of sex toys (anal plug), overstimulation, whining/whimpering noah gets his own warning <3

word count: 1.6k

tag list: @concretenoah @deathblacksmoke @darksigns-exe @malice-ov-mercy @to-be-written @sitkowski @tearfallpixie @collective-heartbreak @cookiesupplier @cind6547 @meekahy @lacktoesandtoddlerants @jilliemiw86 @sammyjoeee @collapsedglasshouses @broken0mens @itsafullmoon @bruisedleftknee @0fth34byss @unicornfairytail @catharsis-in-darkness @agravemisstake

if you would like to be added to my tag list please sign up here.

author’s note: this idea came from a fun little fever dream i had when i was sick with strep throat last week. so, shout out to fever dreams, i guess.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

Noah mentioned the idea to you in passing. It came a few days after the two of you had spent an evening together watching porn. One particular video had a man using an anal plug during sex. A vibrating plug, specifically.

As you watched together, you noticed how it intrigued him. How sensitive it made the man on the screen, the intensity of his orgasm. By the end of it, he had hit replay and pulled you on top of him, desperate to be inside of you.

So when he sidled up to you in the kitchen a couple of days later, you had to hide your knowing smile. He struggled with his words, wringing his hands together like it was the world’s biggest favor. It broke your heart a little, knowing he was so nervous to ask you for something he wanted.

Finally, he managed to ask. He told you he had been thinking about it all week, making sure he really wanted to do this. He had done research. How he needs to prepare, the best kind of lubricants, even the best toys for beginners.

Once he’s finished you sneak down to the hallway closet. You pull a small black gift bag out and return to the kitchen quietly. Noah gives you a quizzical look as you sit the bag down but he opens it without question. His eyes bug out of his head when he realizes you’re already one step ahead of him.

“It’s simple.” You say, bumping your hip into his. “Nothing fancy. The shop owner said to start small.”

It was indeed simple. A black slender device with a flared base about 3.5” in length. Noah comments on the different speeds and pulses. You look over them together and he seems elated. You can’t help but feel excitement pool in your belly.

Noah nearly shoots through the ceiling when you ask if he wants to try it out. He tightly grabs the bag and bounds up the stairs to shower, but not before kissing you on the cheek.

Nearly an hour goes by and you’re getting worried. You consider going up there to check on him but you don’t. If he needed help he would ask. Plus, you know how he is, if he said he’s researched it he’s definitely a pro by now.

No sooner do you finish your thought does he call down the stairs for you.

He’s sitting in the chair by his desk when you enter your room, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. He sees you watching him and flashes a nervous, crooked smile at you, your heart fluttering in response.

“Are you ready, baby?”

Noah nods, straightening himself in his seat.

“Yeah, it’s um… it’s in. I haven’t turned it on. I was going to let you do that.” He stretches his arm out to hand you the remote and you take it. He looks at you expectantly as he glides his fingers down your leg.

“Do you want to stay here or move to the bed?”

He considers the question for a moment, looking to the bed and back to you. Eventually he decides to remain in his current position and you nod, bending over him to place the remote directly behind him on the desk. His gentle touches against your thighs become more insistent, dragging you to sit down with him.

Settling onto Noah’s lap, your hands drift into his hair. The locks at the nape of his neck are still damp as you twist your fingers through them. You nuzzle against his neck, inhaling his scent, catching your strawberry shampoo he used in the shower. The fruity notes blended with his own natural musk has your head swimming.

You trace your tongue along the outside of Noah’s ear, feeling him shiver from your touch. As you graze your teeth over his earlobe he whimpers, the chair creaking underneath the two of you as he shifts. He’s so sensitive already.

Tonight is going to be even better than you imagined.

Noah attempts to slot your hips over his but you resist. He tries again and you refuse, focusing on marking up his neck. His frustration is clear but he doesn’t try again. Instead, he lays his head back against the chair giving you more access to explore. His fingers tighten then relax around the back of your neck while his other hand ventures up your shirt.

He whines when you don’t remove your shirt as quickly as he wants and you quietly scold him. He apologizes with the prettiest little pout and you reward him by removing the rest of your clothes, returning to your seat on his lap. His breath catches in his throat when you glide your hips over his, grazing his half-hard cock.

His hands shake as he reaches for your hips to guide them over his own. You allow him to indulge for a moment, getting your own satisfaction out of it as well. It takes all of your willpower to stop, however, reminding yourself that this is about him, not you.

Noah is easily soothed when you ask if he’s ready to turn on the plug. He nods enthusiastically, dragging his lip between his teeth in anticipation. Running your fingers through his hair you ask him if he’s ready. He takes a deep breath and nods, telling you to continue. You grab the remote and hit the button.

Noah's moans quickly mute the quiet pulsating buzz from the device. Every muscle in his body tenses as he gasps for air, reaching out for you desperately. You allow him to pull you close, snaking his arms tightly around your center. He crashes his lips into yours, prying your mouth open savoring your taste. You press the button again, and the vibration speeds up slightly, making him quiver beneath you.

He holds you against him so tightly you find it hard to breathe. Nothing but quiet gasps and whispered curses escape him as he hangs off of your lips, trying to regain his composure.

“Please..” Noah pitifully chokes out. You kiss the sides of his mouth repeatedly in an attempt to coax out his words but it’s of no use. He’s entirely too blissed out to speak. Adjusting yourself on his lap just so, you move your hand between the two of you.

“Shh, baby. I’ll take care of you.”

Sweet words of praise spill from him as you take him in hand. His words are cut off by a moan when you spit on his cock, spreading your saliva along his length. He calls out your name, resuming his praise. Stuttering how good you are to him as he digs into the meat of your thighs.

Noah watches you jerk his cock slowly, begging for you to go faster. Quieting him with a kiss, you ask him to be patient. He tries to relax and be good for you, but you can’t help but notice tears welling up in his gorgeous brown eyes, his desperation evident when he raises them to meet yours.

Saliva pools at the edges of his open mouth and spills onto your hand. You speed up your movements, forcing a strangled whimper from him. Writhing beneath you, he leans back against the chair, head lolling over the headrest.

The orange glow in the room lights up his tattooed body. Beads of sweat glide down his heaving chest. His muscles contract with every new sensation he feels. You watch as his jaw clenches tightly, only to relax again as he cries out for you. The man before you is so strikingly gorgeous everything that surrounds you fades and disappears.

Noah’s efforts to speak come out as incoherent nonsense. Seeing him so completely subdued and in this euphoric state stirs up feelings inside of you so intense you can’t place them. His half-lidded eyes bore into you and it becomes clear to you that he’s surrendered himself to you completely.

You soothe his face with your hand, kissing the tears cascading down his cheeks. The intimate act is in stark contrast to the way your hand is furiously maneuvering over his cock. For all of the beautiful sounds you’ve pulled from him, you get a sense he needs something else. Something in the way his hips stutter into your fist indicates he needs more.

As you whisper into his ear, he nods, a pitiful “mm-hmm” falling from his lips. Reaching for the device behind him, you press the button one last time. Instantly his back arches and he cries out, his warm release erupting up and over your hand. His hands grip your thighs, the sides of the chair, any surface he can find to ground himself.

You talk him through his earth shattering orgasm, uttering praise after praise into ear. His body convulses so violently you’re afraid the chair will fall over. Finally, he begins to come down, body still jolting occasionally with aftershocks. He threads a hand through your hair, blindly searching for your mouth unable to pry his eyes open.

Giggling, you attach your lips to his and he sighs, bringing you with him as he melts into the chair. Noah shifts, placing his hand between the two of you and you gasp when he touches you. He grunts, feeling how affected you are from your activities.

“Baby…” Noah breathes. “Let me return the favor.”

As tempting as it is, you turn his attention to the mess the two of you have made and he chuckles, agreeing that it needed to be dealt with first. Once he regains feeling in his legs you run to the shower to get cleaned up, making sure to bring the remote with you.

[reading-archived]

woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

[forwhump]

a/n; :’) I was actually looking for smth caretaking (@ chi if you see this I deleted your ask but I won’t forget I promise !!!) but I found this instead & tbh it’s just kind of a banger so here we are (I also found a fun one that’s just wren literally holding silas’ head onto his body but is that postable ??? I guess we’ll see)

I forgot how much fun the wren pov folder is so big shoutout to the anon who asked for it im having a great time !! & obviously thank you all of y’all you who read my nonsense for coming along for the ride :’)

(fun fact !: the reason Point is called Point is because of the cane he has in this one that I don’t know if I’ve posted about before LOL in the big grand scheme of things it’s almost a reoccurring character)(he calls it “little debbie” if you were wondering)

tw/cw: implied noncon, graphic depictions of violence, caning, skinning, grievous bodily harm, mutilation, misgendering, transphobia, dehumanization, slut shaming, humiliation, point’s daddy kink, major character death (but he dies all the time it’s kind of a thing)

living weapon whumpee, creepy whumper (it’s point again idk he’s not NOT creepy)(he makes wren call him daddy)

There isn’t a lot of Silas that’s still human.

It haunts Wren more than he’s willing to admit.

It sits on his chest, a dead weight. He dreams of getting out of here, of seeing the sunlight again, his mother, his friends, and it’s hard to superimpose Silas into those dreams; Silas, who shares more in common with Michelangelo’s David than any human man.

He’s a weapon crafted from violence and stone, but the parts of him that are still human are so human that Wren aches for him. He thinks of himself as a violent dog, but Wren knows him better than that — he’s reactive. He’s protective. He loves with a ferocity that Wren barely understands.

The way he bleeds is human.

Silas thinks of his own blood as tainted, but Wren knows better than that. His blood is all human. His pain, as well.

He roars and it’s an animal sound, but the look on his face is entirely human. The way his chin drops to his chest and he shudders with blood loss is all human, nothing else.

Wren tries to scream but Gore has a gloved hand clamped firmly over his mouth. He shakes against Wren’s back every so often, bouts of laughter at his expense.

It’s inhuman, is what this is. There isn’t a lot of Silas left that’s still human, but he’s still so much more human than any of these men, these soldiers. They crowd Wren’s room, they block the doorway, they have Silas on his knees in a puddle of his own blood, growing too quickly, covering too much of the floor. They hold a buck knife to Wren’s throat so Silas doesn’t fight them. Not once.

He kneels on the concrete. Point has this cane, long and crafted from iron, heavy and barbed lethally on one end. He swings it again, and the barbs snag the sensitive flesh beneath Silas’ Adam’s apple and tear it right out of his throat.

Silas doesn’t roar this time, he just gurgles, low and pained. It makes Point laugh — that rasping, dead leaves sound that somehow passes as laughter. Almost jovial, he swings his cane around to point the end of it at Wren, but then he isn’t smiling anymore. “Whore,” he says, and he enunciates very carefully. He whips around to swing at Silas again and the jagged hooks of metal catch on the puckered hollow of his empty eye socket. Silas makes a rasping sound, probably as much of a roar as he can manage, and Point grins like a cartoon supervillain and rips Silas’ eyelid off his face.

Wren thrashes and Gore’s chest rumbles with laughter as he holds him a little closer.

“I warned you,” Point says, and he’s speaking to Wren but he throws his cane at Silas again, rips a chunk of flesh and muscle off his chest, “no dogs on the bed.” The barbed end of the cane sinks next into the hollow beneath Silas’ sternum. A noise is knocked out of Silas like nothing Wren has ever heard. Point has to brace a boot against his chest to pry the cane free, and he’s particular about shoving it deep into the skinned meat of his ribcage as he wrenches it out of his flesh with a sound like suction.

“But you just can’t keep your legs closed, can you, cowgirl?” Point asks, sickeningly conversational as he swings his cane again, peeling the muscle of Silas’ bicep clean away from the bone in his arm. “You just can’t help yourself. You’ll even let the dog fuck you.”

The heat burns in Wren’s face, blistering.

Point grins at him, grotesque. “Good girls don’t fuck dogs,” he says. “Whores fuck dogs. What does that make you, baby?”

Silas makes a low noise, kind of groan, still disturbingly wet. Point looks down at him quickly. Sometimes the way he moves is sickening, unsettling, too jerky to be human. It’s cruel, but it’s also just unfair; this evil marionette, wearing the skin of a man, gets to carve a place for himself in the outside world, and Silas doesn’t?

Point’s grin stretches across his face, each time more grotesque than the last. “What was that, boy?” He asks, and cups a hand behind his ear. “I think Lassie’s trying to tell me something.”

Silas makes another rumbling groan of a sound and Point leans in a bit closer. “Your girlfriend’s a filthy whore?” He mocks. “I think so, too.”

His one arm, bicep severed, is limp at his side, but his other arm is still functional, and Silas is strong. Wren doesn’t think he can even quite grasp how strong Silas actually is. With his other hand, he grabs Point by the windpipe with so much force Point’s face changes colour three times in less than a second; red, then blue, then purple.

Point croaks, which makes Silas grin. Wren sobs.

Letting the cane start to slide through his hand, Point curls his fingers around the middle, sturdy, before he cracks the barbed end into the inside of Silas’ elbow with all his weight. It sinks all the way through flesh and viscera, and when Point pries it free again, he peels the skin off his forearm, a flap of bloody tissue that sways at Silas’ wrist.

Silas snarls as Point quickly covers his bruised throat with his other hand. That marionette grin is gone, replaced by the simmering rage he always keeps boiling just beneath the surface. “Fucker,” he spits.

He doesn’t kick him, not really, so much as he cracks the bottom of his boot into Silas’ face and puts all his weight into it. Blood sprays from Silas in an explosion of clotted red mist and Point spits on him, fuming. “No dogs on the bed,” he snaps. “I won’t keep repeating myself.” He swings his cane back over his shoulder, looking at Wren, too close and too intense. The way Point looks at him has always made him shudder. “And you,” he says, softer, in the sickly sweet mocking he reserves just for him, that rage flickering on his face. “Why won’t you just behave?”

Wren scowls at him from beneath Gore’s hand, but he’s crying and he’s helpless and it only makes Point grin, wide and mean.

“If you don’t smarten up, cowgirl,” he says, “I will put your dog down. I’m not playing with you anymore. I will put it down, carve it open, and fuck you in its carcass. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”

He scowls again, but his eyes are burning.

Point lifts his chin at Gore, who’s hand slides from over Wren’s mouth to around his neck. Point grins at him. “Say it.”

Wren doesn’t. He opens his mouth and the best he can do is a sob.

Point raises his eyebrows. “What did I just say?” He asks sharply. “Say it.”

Wren tries to look away but Point grabs him by the jaw, forcing his face up, forcing Wren to look at him as he whispers, just barely, “yes, daddy.”

Point pats his cheek twice. “Giddyup.” He motions at Gore, who drops Wren into an ungraceful pile on the concrete. With a whistle, he angles his head towards the door, and his men start to file out of the cramped space of Wren’s bedroom. Point lingers last in the doorway, watching Wren pull himself up from the floor. “If I find out you fucked this thing again,” he reminds him, “I’ll fix it, and I’ll make you swallow its testicles. Y’hear?”

Wren doesn’t consider himself a particularly violent person, especially not amongst such violent people. Point, though — Point brings out something in Wren that Wren is almost ashamed of. Point makes him violent. Wren had never wondered what it would feel like to crush a human head until he met him.

But Silas’ blood is seeping through Wren’s joggers, warming his skin, so he’s good. For Silas’ sake, he’s good. “Yes,” he whispers, “daddy.”

Point winks at him as he leaves. Wren wants to watch him die.

Before the door has even closed completely behind him, Wren lurches closer to Silas, kneeling in a pool of blood so thick it isn’t red, but a sickening, shimmering black, an oil spill.

“Hey,” Wren breathes, cradling Silas’ face, almost impossibly gentle. “Hey.” Carefully, he lifts his chin from his chest.

Silas looks like a scene from a horror movie. Half of his face had been stripped to raw meat and his empty eye socket is leaking a sick, yellow fluid. The bone of his cheek and his jaw on one side have been stripped completely of meat and muscle, a sickening flash of bone beneath the gore, a bit too white to be entirely natural. He looks at Wren, and he looks dazed.

Wren thumbs slowly over a bloody cheek. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

Silas opens his mouth like he wants to speak and vomits blood all down the front of Wren’s chest and his lap. Wren makes an involuntary sound, something panicked, a hiccup. Silas must mistake it for disgust, because he tries to pull away, he tries to lift his head on his own. “M’sorry,” he slurs, so wet Wren can barely understand him, “m’okay,” and he isn’t, his skin is hanging from his meat in bloody ribbons and he can barely hold up his own head, but he’s speaking, however wet, he’s breathing, his heart is beating, he’s alive. He’s bleeding and he’s hurting but he’s alive. He’s okay. He’ll be okay.

Wren is gentle as he bats away Silas’ hands, reaching back up for him, cradling his face. “Silas,” he says softly. Silas blinks down at him, something dazed, maybe dizzy, and vomits again with a pained, gurgling cough.

They’d come in the middle of the night, Point and his favourite men, all his most cruel soldiers. Wren doesn’t need to guess to know exactly why they’d come to see him, or why Point was so furious to find Silas already there. They’d been sleeping — Wren can’t sleep if Silas isn’t with him, and Point is the reason why. He’s more scared of Silas than he likes to admit or than he wants his men to realize, and it makes him deranged. It makes him violent.

He’d woken Silas in the middle of the night by opening his gut with the barbed end of his cane. Silas, who didn’t do anything wrong. Silas, who didn’t do anything but indulge Wren and sleep beside him.

They can’t get to medical in the middle of the night. There’s nobody at the door to let them through. Point and his team have watch tonight, and if Wren were to hit a panic button, nobody would answer him. They’d punished Silas and left him alone to bleed.

“I’m so sorry,” he breathes again.

Silas has his good cheek leaned hard against the palm of Wren’s hand. There isn’t a lot of Silas that’s still human, but there are parts of him that are, and Wren can see one of those parts in his face, in the very slight crease of pain between his eyebrows. Silas would never complain, and especially not to Wren. For a long time, Wren didn’t think he was even capable of feeling pain — it was Medic that told him otherwise. Silas feels pain, and the way he feels it is almost entirely human. He has no special tolerance. He’s desensitized.

But his head is leaned hard against Wren’s palm and Wren can’t imagine how heavy it must be. He can’t imagine what it’s taking for Silas to hold himself up.

Still, Silas slurs, “m’okay.”

He isn’t. He vomits again, blood that’s getting darker and darker in colour. His head kind of sways against Wren’s hand, and he doesn’t open his eye before he throws up more blood, too dark, too quickly.

“Silas?” Wren breathes.

He coughs, and he throws up more blood. Too much blood.

“Hey,” Wren says softly, touching his cheek, a little firmer.

There’s just enough of Silas left in him that he lurches away so he doesn’t crush Wren with his weight when he collapses, face first, to the concrete. His blood is everywhere, pooling on the uneven ground, and Wren can hear the way it bubbles, sickening, beneath Silas’ face as he gurgles for breath and vomits more blood, acidic amongst the oil spill, dull amongst the shimmer.

“Hey,” Wren breathes, and his voice breaks. He kneels quickly next to him, putting a hand at his back, slick with blood. “Silas.”

It happens really quickly. It happens so quickly. Silas stops heaving. The pool beneath him stops bubbling. His back stills beneath Wren’s hand. All at once.

“Silas?”

And he dies, skinned, on the floor of Wren’s bedroom.

He’s dead for all of three minutes before Point returns. He’s grinning.

[onlinekitsune]

ೃ⁀➷ PAIRING, GENRE, WARNINGS: mammon/gn! reader, hurt/comfort, protective mammon, also loving and affectionate mammon, warnings for: bullying, mostly like rumors around reader, nothing graphic, physical, or detailed

ೃ⁀➷ SYNOPSIS: nothing could prepare you for attending a school mostly made for demons. you didn't know what to expect or what not to expect. however, having rumors spread around you wasn't anywhere near your guesses. you'd thought that was just a human thing, clearly you were wrong. you kept them just between yourself and strayed away from the brothers. never expecting the impact that it would have on one brother in particular.

ೃ⁀➷ WRITER’S NOTE: hello my beloveds!! i hope you are doing well!! i wanted to throw a lil thing out real quick. i'm still working on the cyoa, it should be out soon!! also wtf i never expected to hit 1k on ANY of my posts or even be close to 200 followers! it's a small achievement i suppose, but i started this blog out of impulse! and never intended to have people to enjoy my content, so i truly do appreciate it! also also i redid a taglist thing, if anyone is interested! no pressure! just thought i should maybe have one? i love u all mwah

taglist form here!

Your only company in the classroom was a single ray of moonlight peeking through the window. You scoffed at yourself for letting silly rumors get to you. You should’ve been used to them, especially going to an all human school. Atlas, here you were wasting your time hiding in classrooms. You didn’t want to burden any of the brothers with your problems. Although, you wouldn’t know if they’d be able to tell. Even so you didn’t want to drag their names along with yours. There was enough attention between you all when people found out you lived with them. You swung your feet, frustrated at how sensitive you were. Studying, that'd get my mind out of this gutter. You swung open the first textbook in your stack. It was about Curses and Hexes. The thought of using these against your classmates wove through your mind. You browsed through like they were some sort of catalog.

“Oi, there ya are! Where have ya been? Why are ya here still?” Mammon bombarded. You stumbled in your seat, dropping the book onto the ground. You would’ve followed if it wasn’t for Mammon’s quick reflexes. He held on your chair, raising an eyebrow.

“M-Mammon? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home by now”

“Coulda ask you the same thing! You’re studyin’ here? You could do that back home.” He replied, still right beside you. You tried to control your nervousness, but you felt your heart pound with every second. You avoided his gaze and hesitated. Guilt began to settle in, realizing he was looking for you.

“Yeah. I just, got caught up. You can go ahead, I’ll follow soon.” You laughed. It was hard recognizing your own voice. You just hoped it’d be enough for Mammon. He let go of your chair and moved from your view. You let out a soft breath, as you clutched your book.

“Did I do somethin’ wrong?”

“Huh?” You let out, turning around. Mammon stood behind you, facing the door. He shuffled around, to face you. There was an odd look of worried splattered across his face.

“You’ve been actin’ weird these few days. You’ve avoiding everyone, but, specially me. Did ya just forget we walk back home together? I didn’t say anything bad right? Did-“

“It’s nothing to do with you, Mammon.” You interrupted. Your finger fidgeted along the points of the pages. You didn’t consider how this would of effected them. Silence fell upon hearing footsteps from outside of the classroom.

“... can't believe a human like them, is getting special treatment... like it's really annoying how... they're kinda weird too haha... living at the house of lamentation? ugh! why them... hate living with a human...”

Their words cut in and out like an lost signal. You sighed, just relieved they didn’t enter the room. On the other hand, Mammon was fuming. No one had the right to bad mouth you. He teased you but that was just a friendly thing! He gritted his teeth, heading towards the voices. You had the moment to grab his wrist, pulling him back. “Wait. Mammon, don’t.”

“Why? They shouldn’t be sayin’ things like that! Specially ‘bout you!” He spat, glaring towards the door. His protectiveness pulled on your heartstrings.

“It’s whatever, just don’t get involved.. please.” You whispered, slightly tugging him away from the door. He turned to look at you. Your eyes were soft, and full of worry. And yet the shined so bright along with the moonlight. It was almost as if the light was there just to accompany them.

“Is this why you’ve been weird?” He asked. You felt your soul sink a pit in your stomach. The look on your face was enough of an answer to him. You dropped your head down, defeated by yourself.

“I…I didn’t want to drag you into this. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.” You muttered. You tried holding back the tears but they puddled along your waterline. "I wanted to be able to leave you all out of it." Mammon stood silent but still stood beside you. Your tears ended up pattering along the floor, spread around your feet. Being so vulnerable and open made you feel absolutely mortified. You didn't want anyone to know about this, and even worse, let anyone see you cry about it.

“It’s not stupid.” He replied, placing a hand on your own. You didn't realize that you had your hand still wrapped around his wrist. "Anyone would be upset."

"Mammon, I'm not a child. I should be able to just push these stupid rumors away. I'm just too sensitive."

"There ain't anything wrong with that. It's okay to be sensitive... it's actually a little refreshing." Mammon replied, falling into a murmur. His cheeks flushed a soft shade of red. "It's like comforting."

You tilted your head. It was a bit odd to see such a timid version of Mammon. "I-"

"We all love you! So, hiding from us only hurts everyone. I'm your first, so hiding from me... is just unbelievable! Ya should be able to come to me 'bout anything!" He blurted, grabbing ahold of both of your hands. You froze at the sudden change. Mammon was not the best at showing his emotions. But, here he was trying his best to pour out his heart to you. You'd be lying if you said it wasn't working. Even if he wasn't the best at words, the thought really shined through. A smile slowly made it's way through you. You squeezed Mammon's hands.

"I love you too. Thank you. I.. didn't mean to worry you." You nervously laughed. The silence fell through again, as the two of you just stood in each other's presence. Your eyes glanced between your hands intertwined and Mammon's expression. He shifted his head a bit, looking around. But before you could say anything, he'd already moved in to kiss you. It was quick but unexpectedly soft.

"Sorry! I shoulda asked? I'm sorry!"

You could only laugh at how stupidly cute he could be sometimes. You pulled him into a hug. You didn't expect this to be an outcome of what today had in store, but you'd take it. It was better than crying in a classroom.

"Stop apologizing, and... kiss me again."

[jimraisedmeup]

TICK // 18.1 - devil woman

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Rating: mature (angst, language, graphic sexual content)

Word Count: 1600

A/N: *fun, dirty, fluffy ;)

☾

I've had nothing, but bad luck Since the day I saw the cat at my door So I came into you sweet lady Answering your mystical call

☾

May 16, 1984 - junior year

Neither of you could sleep that night after vandalizing Higgins' house. Maybe it was the thrill of breaking the law, or maybe it was the thrill of sneaking your boyfriend into your room.

The more time that went on, the more you realized just how much you loved disobeying rules and keeping little secrets to yourself. Eddie's risky, unpredictable behavior was gradually rubbing off on you.

Regardless, you could never get enough of spending time with Eddie, talking to him for hours about random shit. 

"Didn't you tell me a while back that your parents wouldn't let you have a lock on your door?"

Eddie laid beside you, interlocking his bandaged fingers with yours. You chuckled to yourself at his question. Turning on your side to look at him, you memorized every detail of his face, even in the darkened bedroom. 

You looked at him nearly every day, and still you couldn't help it. The idea of ever forgetting this beautiful face was a rotten intrusive thought that crossed your mind, like the flashing, haunted memories of a bad dream.

Pushing away any unwelcome worries, you traced a finger over the tattoo on his bare chest.

"Yeah, they used to be like that. Before my mom left."

The brown eyed boy, half naked in your bed, lifted an eyebrow at you. "Who installed the lock?"

"I did."

"Really?"

"Is it that hard to imagine a woman using a screwdriver?"

Eddie snorted, running a hand down his face. "No, that's not what I meant. I don't know. I've never installed a lock before. I guess I'm just constantly impressed by you."

You didn't immediately respond to his compliment, choosing instead to stare at him quietly, blushing like an idiot at his words.

But then you were suddenly reminded of Eddie's surprise party you had planned that upcoming weekend.

"What are you doing this weekend? Saturday night?"

He pretended to think for a moment, humming to himself. "Oh, you know, the usual… I have a few cars lined up to throw some fireworks at… Hopper even said he might join me. And then I was thinking of following in my dad's footsteps and selling some drugs since I got kicked out of sch-"

"Eddie!" you hissed at him, pinching the pale skin of his ribcage. 

"Ow! Sorry! Bad joke, too soon." Eddie rolled over to face you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I have Hellfire Club on Friday night. I'm all yours on Saturday."

You inched closer to him. "My dad is going out of town this weekend," you mumbled, reaching a hand slowly towards his boxer shorts. "You can come stay the night here again. I kind of like harboring fugitives in my bedroom."

His breath hitched as you made contact with his cock through the thin fabric. 

"I… uh," the boy stuttered, grabbing onto your waist. "I'm not exactly a fugitive. Just a criminal."

You kissed him gently at first, trying to draw him in closer, if possible. You could tell by Eddie's heavy breathing and the hardness between his legs that he enjoyed your indirect touch, your short nails just slightly skimming his most sensitive parts through the shorts.

Eddie twitched when you grabbed his length completely. His hands roamed your chest, pushing up your loose shirt. 

The feeling of his teeth on your nipples was one of your favorite things - Eddie was almost always focused on pleasure, not so much pain. But when it came to your breasts, he seemed to be an animal unhinged, biting you, leaving love marks on the undersides of them. 

You had always been a little self-conscious about your breasts, but the man in your arms now made you feel like every flaw you ever thought you had, was actually perfection in disguise.

You had to stifle the noises that threatened to leave your mouth when he bit you roughly. You pulled down his shorts, giving into your complete need for him. Eddie must have felt it, too, because he lifted his hips without hesitation to allow you to undress him.

"I don't have a condom," he mumbled against your skin, the tips of his fingers already inside of you.

"That's fine."

You crawled onto him, straddling him, purposely pressing your damp panties against his cock.

Eddie's face held a playful smile, his hands pulling at the elastic of your underwear. "Umm... are you crazy? I'm not about to risk it for the biscuit." 

You leaned forward, laying a small kiss to his jaw.

"I wasn't asking you to risk anything."

Your kisses trailed lower… past the tattoo on his chest, past the birthmark near his hip bone that you had memorized like the back of your hand.

"I figured…" you dug your nails into his thighs, making him gasp. "I figured I kind of owe you after all your hard work earlier."

You winked at him, and then took him into your mouth. 

"Oh, fuck."

☾

Crystal ball on the table Showing the future, the past Same cat with them evil eyes And I knew it was a spell she cast

☾

After a few hours of sleep that night, you successfully flung Eddie out of your bedroom window so he could make his grand escape. 

He had arranged for Gareth and his older brother to pick him up around the corner, away from Richard Buckley's oblivious presence downstairs.

You entered the kitchen casually, grabbing a coffee mug and pouring yourself some of the hot, dark liquid. You tried to ignore the pleasure you felt from your sore breasts as they made contact with the fabric of your sweater, memories of your fun night with Eddie still clear in your mind.

Your daydreaming didn't last long, though. 

"So, I see that you brought my truck back in one piece."

Shit.

You choked on your coffee, not realizing that your father was in the doorway. His arms were crossed with the daily paper tucked under them. 

"Dad! I can explain." You put down the mug, holding your hands up in front of you. "Let me explain."

He glared at you for a moment, and didn't let you continue. "What explanation do you have? That is my work truck, young lady, not some beat up car you can take for a joyride in the middle of the night."

You tried to rack your brain for an excuse, or even how your father knew you left last night at all. He was a notoriously heavy sleeper. But you didn't have to wonder for long as your dad kept talking, his face turning red with anger.

"Kate woke in the middle of the night and saw the truck pulling back in the driveway. She claims that there were three people coming back into the house. So help me God, girl, if you brought that hellion into my home…"

Shit, shit, shit.

And then the voice of your savior sounded from the stairs. 

"That was my friend… Ashley," Robin said with unexpected confidence. "Long, brown, curly hair? Yeah, her parents were fighting last night so I wanted to go pick her up."

Richard Buckley was ten times more likely to believe Robin over you. It had always been that way, stemming from you ditching church on Sundays in your freshman year and becoming permanent the day you discovered his affair. He was never one to hide the fact that Robin was his favorite daughter.

He sighed, pressing down the sparse patch of hair on the top of his shiny head.

"You should have asked me first, Robin."

"We didn't want to wake you," Robin replied simply, passing him in the doorway and making her way to the fridge for orange juice. "C'mon, sis, we're about to miss the bus."

On your way to the bus stop on the corner, you squinted through your sunglasses at the morning sun. Your younger sister strolled beside you, blue eyes amused.

"Did you and Ashley have fun last night?" she said with a grin, voice heavy with insinuation.

"Oh, yeah, she's quite a lovely girl."

☾

She's just a devil woman With evil on her mind Beware the devil woman She's gonna get you

☾

"Well, well. Look who it is, the lucky man of the hour," Gareth bumped fists with Eddie as he leapt into the car.

"Thanks for the ride, fellas. I couldn't stick around there much longer. Hell hath no fury like a dickhead father scorned."

Gareth's older brother, Taron, bumped fists with him too. "Don't sweat it, I have to drive this little shit to school anyways." He was a year or two older than Eddie and one of the original members of the Hellfire Club. 

Ignoring his brother's rude remark, Gareth craned his neck towards Eddie in the backseat. "So… details?"

The Munson boy's face was stone cold. "Since when do I give you any details?"

"Well, I have to live vicariously through someone until Chrissy Cunningham notices me," Gareth explained, fiddling with the dials on the radio. "Plus, your girlfriend's kinda hot."

Eddie let out a bark of genuine laughter. "Chrissy and Jason have been together since, like, kindergarten. Keep dreaming, big boy."

Then he smacked Gareth on the back of the head. "And that's for calling my girl kinda hot. When, obviously, she is really hot."

☾

I drank the potion she offered me I found myself on the floor Then I looked in those big green eyes And I wondered what I'd came there for

☾

(song lyrics credit: "Devin Woman" by Cliff Richard)

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[writersblog20]

The fight and the love

Pedro Pascal x Agent reader (ANGST) 

Summary: It would’ve been an easy mission. You were supposed to take out a group that was planning a terrorist attack but things soon, turned horribly wrong.

Warnings: SEVERE PTSD, VERY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE, mention of terrorism attack, being tortured for information, close to death, all the Symptoms that comes along with PTSD, quick mention of wanting to die but not by suicide, mention of team being murdered and tortured, multiple injuries etc etc, really, read with precaution and if you’re sensitive to these kind of things, I would advise you not to read this story. I have a masterlist with more uplifting and comforting storied but I wanted to try something new.

Words: 6K (oops)

I’M NOT JOKING, READ WITH PRECAUTION PLEASE! 

A/N: This could be read as platonic or romantic relationship with Pedro. Also hi, I’m sorry for being so inactive for too long, I’ve been so, so busy with school, my job, and doing the graphics on my own for a big festival so as you can imagine, I don’t have the time to write but I WON’T stop! I’ll post so now and then. Hope you all understand, much love from your homegirl.❤️

The fight and the love

It would’ve been an easy mission they said… This was your first mission as a team leader, and it wouldn’t have been a big deal but that was nothing close to the truth. One thing you were sure about, there was a leak. But that wasn’t your big concern right now. Getting out of this situation alive, was your biggest concern. You needed to get yourself and your team back home.

You were supposed to stop a terror attack, but it was a well planed trap, taking you and your team somewhere secluded to spread terror across the country. They send videos public of yourself and your team getting tortured, and it booked the news all over the news. Not that you knew all of that, but you did know that the torture sessions were getting recorded. They wanted to know something and since you were the leader of the team, they came regular back into the room you were placed in.

Your breathing was wheezy, suspectedly from a collapsed lung, you guessed. You looked at the stab wounds which were burned to stop the bleeding, so they could keep torturing you and try to get information from you. You told them lies. You knew they would kill you if you didn’t give them something, yet they would kill you if you would tell the truth. They were doubting if you were lying or not so that’s how you’re still alive, inside some sort of chamber.

You had no idea how long you were here. It felt like an eternity, but it might’ve been 2 days or 2 weeks. You had no access to sunlight, keeping you guessing if it was night or day. You stared at the cement wall in front of you and thought about Pedro and the tears fell across your face. You were sure that you were not getting out of here alive. You just wished you would’ve told him how much he means to you, hug him, tell him you loved him. That was all you could think about in here, Pedro and how the hell you were getting yourself out of this. You were scared to death that he might’ve seen a torture video of you, that might’ve been worse than the torture because you knew it would affect him on a deeper level. You didn’t want those images circling his mind. You wanted him to think about the happy memories.

That was how you didn’t give up. There were many, many moments where you just wanted to die. Wanted them to kill you and be over with this. The moments where they were waterboarding and your lungs feeling on fire, thinking every second will be your last. Every hit, every shock, every stab wound, made you just want to die but then Pedro flashes through your mind. The moments of laughter, the hugs, silly dances, serious conversations, and most importantly, the love you felt in his presence. He was and will always be, the most important person in your entire live. Pedro was your family. And the moments you were the most scared in the torture sessions, all you could think of was Pedro, thinking that every minute was going to be your last and you didn’t want to go with the feeling of being absolutely petrified. No, you wanted to think about someone you loved, Pedro.

You had no clue when your last ‘session’ was. To keep yourself sane, you talked to the wall, imagining it was Pedro. You told the wall everything you wanted to tell him. You had no idea if your team members were still alive, who weren’t or if you were the only one. The thoughts about the government handling this came to mind as well. Were they planning on rescuing you, or not. You knew that they wouldn’t negotiate with terrorist so that scared you. The thought of nobody coming to rescue you was horrible. You had to keep your mind from swirling down into a deep rabbit hole, so you refocused on the happy memories with Pedro. Like the days he brought you to Disney because he heard you’ve never been there, taking you to the beach, or you taking him back to your birth country and show him the things from your childhood. You felt helpless yet determined. It was such a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. You were sure that this was a form of torture as well as the physical.

The door slammed open, and you saw the terrorist for the first time without something covering their face and at that moment, you were sure you were going to die. They walked over to you, dragging you up. You tried to fight back but your entire body was in too much pain. You had no idea how many bones they broke but you were sure there would be a couple. They kicked you and you screamed as loud as you could and kicked around but they got you. You promised yourself, not to go down without putting up a fight. They dragged your body into the torture room, and you saw blood everywhere. You were sure someone just died in here. There was no way that someone could lose this much blood and still be alive.

They placed you on a table and you knew the drill. Waterboarding. You felt your heartrate pick up, the thundering against your chest, your breathing shallow and fast. You tried to beg for mercy, crying your eyes out at this point and tried to fight them.  A towel was placed over your face, and you felt water being poured over you, the air escaping you. You tried to remain as calm as possible at this point, trying to keep as much air in your lungs as you could. But as usual, they kept the towel on your face for a very long time. You started gasping for air and tried to wiggle around but they had put something sharp on your wrist, ankles, and neck, making every movement even more unbearable because of the pain. You felt yourself grow dizzy and slowly losing consciousness until you passed out.

~time skip~

You felt something sharp hit you, waking you up in an unbearable feeling of pain as you let out a blood curling scream. You tried to wiggle away but the sharp things, keeping you in place, which you could now see was barbed wire. You saw the blood seeping down and a big knife in your stomach and you were certain they had hit an organ, making you bleed intern. They took out the knife and they plunged it into your leg, making you scream again, and they repeated this for a while, screaming things in a different language. They held the knife up to your throat and made you look in the camera. And this was the moment you were sure that you were going to die in here. You saw the camera blink red. Tears streamed down your face and all you could think of was the world seeing you die. Pedro, seeing you die. You needed him to know that you loved him so that was what you said: “I love you Pedge.” The knife was tightly against your throat, and you felt hot liquid wall down from where the knife was and closed your eyes, expecting it to happen right now until there was an extremely loud sound coming from outside.

So loud that the whole building shook. The camera fell, just like the terrorists besides you. everything was covered in dust, making it hard to see. Your ears were buzzing, and people were screaming around you, giving out orders and from pain. There was still a knife in your leg, and you knew that this was your only chance to escape so you took the knife out of your leg and tried to cover your scream. You started slicing in the wires and luckily, you were loose. You saw that they left the door open, and you tried to stand up but fell from the pain and the loss of blood.

You saw people in uniforms coming in, a green laser from their guns. “Found her!” a man screamed and helped you up. Another soldier helping you as well, leading you out of the room and building. “We’re going to get you out of here chief.” They said and it was an odd feeling of relieve, yet horror. People were screaming all around you, your vision blurry and you fell again. They picked you up and carried you outside. The sun was out, shining brightly on your face. It was hot and still dusty. You looked around you and saw a couple of buildings around you, probably base camp of some sorts. There was a lot of sand, and the sun was already burning you. They gave you water since you were very dehydrated. That was the moment it occurred to you that they didn’t give you food. It might be strange not to think about it earlier but with all the pain and torture going around, that was the last thing on your mind.

They brought you to the rescue helicopter and immediately a doctor looked at your wounds. The way her nose scrunched up and her eyebrows knitted together, didn’t give you the best feeling in the world, even though it was no surprise to you how badly you were injured. Yes, they’ve rescued you out of the building but there was still an immediate danger for your life. The moment the helicopter raised up, a feeling of safety washed over you. A colleague who went along on the mission, held your hand. You wanted to ask where everyone was, but you couldn’t talk, you didn’t know why. She was trying to get every wound stable, her hands grabbing stuff around her as you slipped in and out of consciousness.

“Hey kiddo, come on, stay awake for me, okay?” your colleague begged you. “We’re going to get you home, okay? But you’ve got to stay awake for me.” you squeezed his hand and the doctor spoke up: “This is bad. It’s not looking good right now. Can we go faster?” she asked worried. You just tried to stay focused on your colleague until you felt everything grow very heavy, including your eyelids. You heard people begging around you to stay away and you tried to, but the feeling of your heavy eyelids won.

~

“Put her on the stretcher!” your colleague shouted. The helicopter was landed on the roof of the hospital, the other doctors already waiting for you. The doctor from the helicopter, staying by your side and keeping the bags of blood transfusion and painkillers, and the IV. Some soldiers put pressure on the wounds inflicted on you. They wheeled you in and Pedro was walking back and forth, biting his nails, hair ruffled, baggy eyes from lack of sleep and crying. His eyes went big as they wheeled you in the hospital and tried to get you as fast to surgery as possible. The doctor from the helicopter, telling the doctors her founding’s. Pedro was by your side in a second and was shocked to see the state that you were in. The tears streamed down his face as he looked at your bloody, bruised body that was covered by wires, bags, and Iv’s. Your colleagues took Pedro away and informed him while the rolled you immediately into surgery.

~time skip~

Your head was pounding, ears still buzzing, and your body started to tense up from anxiety and adrenaline. You heard a familiar beeping sound, speeding up, and you tried to open your eyes. The pain rushed back to you and the room was too light. You whimpered from the pain and felt that somebody was holding your hand. “baby girl?” you heard a very familiar voice, whisper. His voice cracked as he asked you. You tried to blink a few times, but everything looked blurry. You saw Pedro bow a bit down over you. You squeezed his hand in response, your voice still very painful and croaky. You heard someone walk in with heels. Everything in you was now on high alert. You knew you were safe and probably in a hospital yet, your body didn’t know that and was still completely in survival modes.  You kept blinking until the blur wasn’t so obvious anymore.

You saw Pedro with tears pooling in his eyes and it broke your heart into a million pieces. This was the man that kept you going so long, that made you want to keep on fighting, keeping you alive, sane, and not so alone. You felt everything crumble down as you let the tears out. A loud sob escaped your throat, hurting you in the process as you tried to reach your arms around him but to no avail. Luckily, Pedro knew what you wanted and very carefully placed his arms around you, and hang a bit over your body, making it look like he was shielding you from every dangerous thing in the world. You hid your face in the crook of his neck and completely broke down as his comforting smell hit your nose, giving you the feeling of safety back.

“Oh, baby girl.” He tried to calm you down, but he was way too emotional as well and cried. You just both held each other, and you tensed every muscle that you had around him, to feel him close even though it pained you. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” That were the first words you told him. He didn’t know why you thanked him at that time, but you were sure to tell him why later. More sobs escaped you and you felt something move the iv in your arm, making you panicked again. Your body jolted from panic as you tried to move Pedro away and look at what was happening. Even though your rational thoughts knew it was a doctor, you just didn’t trust it. You saw a kind face looking at you and before you could do anything she spoke up: “Don’t worry, I’m just readjusting your iv and put some extra medication in against the pain and to keep you relaxed.”

You had a rollercoaster of emotions floating through you right now. From panic, to feeling safe, to feeling scared and in danger to emptiness again. Pedro saw the swirl of emotions in your eyes just like the doctor. Pedro’s heart broke even more, seeing you like this. “Do you remember what happened?” The doctor asked softly and now you finally took in your surroundings. You were in a hospital room, next to a window. It was dark out and you could see lights from the skyscrapers. The lights in the room dimmed but since they kept you in darkness for God knows how long, it obviously pained your eyes,

“How long was I in there?” that was all you needed to know. The doctor looked down with a pained expression just like Pedro. “A week and a half. They found you through some details in the video that was shown public.” You frowned “Public?” you felt your heartbeat go up and the doctor and Pedro looked at the monitor. “Videos of you, and your team being tortured and killed, got leaked to the public…..” and once again, it felt like your world was crashing down on you. “Everyone has seen it?” You asked and your voice cracked. Pedro sniffled and nodded as he looked down for a second before making eye contact. You saw it. you could see it in his eyes, clear as day, that he had seen the things and you felt your heart break once again.  “I’m so sorry, baby girl.” You weren’t sure why he was apologizing but nodded, tears escaping.

‘How long have I been here?” you decided to ask and change the subject. “2 days or so. We were expecting for you to be asleep for a week, given your injuries.” She told you honest. “What are my injuries exactly?” you looked at her, kind of afraid of her answer. It became dead silent in the room as she handed you the file. You frowned a bit and opened your file. You saw a whole goddamn list of injuries. Broken ribs, 24 stab wounds, collapsed lung, internal bleeding from your abdomen, jaw broken on multiple places, broken eye socket, multiple stiches needed for the cuttings, broken wrist, broken ankle, water found in lungs, badly bruised neck, and the list just went on and on.

You felt tears pooling in your eyes and handed the doctor her files back, not wanting to read more for now. “There will be a psychologist seeing you tomorrow. To adjust ehh.. your mental health…” you nodded and felt a brick on your heart. You just wanted to forget about it all and never talk about it again, but you knew. You knew damn well. You already had PTSD but now…. yeah, you knew the drill, didn’t make it any easier though.

“Thank you.” you tried to steady your voice but failed. She nodded “Can I do something else for you? How is the pain now and do you maybe want to eat or drink something?” she asked you and you didn’t know. Everything was just so intense right now that even answering the easiest questions was too hard. “Do you want some water sweetheart?” Pedro crouched down on eyesight, figuring out what kind of mental state you were in and tried to make it easier for you. Pedro’s voice was so soft and kind that it brought you to tears again. You nodded about drinking some water. “I’ll give you something stronger for the pain.” She decided for herself, and you were glad she did.

You couldn’t look away from Pedro. It felt unreal to see him again. For, apparently, a week and a half you were so sure that you were going to die and never see him again. But you were here and so was he. The doctor walked away, and Pedro found it hard to make eye contact with you. To see the pain in your eyes was too much for him to handle. You brushed your bruise knuckles over the back of his hand. “Please look at me.” You begged him as your voice broke. He slowly looked up, tears in his eyes as well. “Please stay with me. I’m scared.” You told him through tears as you confessed and that was what broke him the most, hearing you, the person he knew that wasn’t afraid of anything, tell him that you were scared. Tears fell onto his cheeks.

He intertwined your fingers, and you cupped his cheek to softly wipe the tears of his cheek. “Can you please hold me?” you sniffled, having enough of being strong right now. You just wanted to be held so badly. He nodded “Of course, mi Chica.” He sniffled and kissed your forehead as he stood up, letting his lips linger on your forehead. Your hands carefully held his wrist that ever so carefully cupped your cheek. Pedro sniffled again and let his forehead rest against yours. “I was so afraid to lose you.” Pedro confessed as his tears escaped his eyes again. “I was afraid that I was never going to see you again, tell you how much I love you, hold you.” he kept confessing and somehow you felt relieved yet pained that he felt the same thing as you did. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here now.” you sniffled through your own tears. He nodded and took a deep breath to control himself.

You tried to scoop over so Pedro could lay down next to you, but the pain was too much. “Lie still sweetheart, I don’t want you to be in more pain as it is.” You whimpered slightly. You didn’t care about the pain, you wanted Pedro to cuddle you, and the determination was visible on your eyes as he chuckled softly, but it also told him in how much of desperation you were for him right now.

The doctor walked back in and softly knocked, exposing her presence as not to scare you. You and Pedro looked at her and as if she figured out what you wanted, she smiled kindly at you. “We could put an extra bed besides you, if you’d like…” she told the two of you with a smile. You nodded and tried to give her a genuine smile back but failed. She gave you a bottle of water with a straw in and put the things besides you to your other side. Pedro helped her with the bed and placed it tightly against yours. Pedro took his shoes off and climbed in next to you as the doctor put some stronger medication into your iv. “There you go, you should be able to sleep a bit now. Get some rest, you and your body need it right now. And if there is anything, anything at all, just press this button and I’m here within seconds.” You could cry at how kind she was right now. It probably was because of the week and a half full of torture and hate that it felt unnatural that someone was kind. It just felt off.

You whispered a small thank you and looked at her with tears in your eyes. She gave you an apologetic smile back and nodded, walking out of the room. You looked at Pedro who held a close eye on you, as suspected. He carefully placed his arm underneath your head so you could rest on it. “I’ll hold you on one condition.” It felt like he was strict right now “If it pains you, you tell me, okay? and we figure another way out, alright baby girl?” He asked you and looked deeply into your eyes so the message would be clear. You nodded and let him hold you. He laid down on his side, his other arm around you and you let your head rest against his shoulder. “Thank you.” you whispered out. You felt the meds kicking in like a brick. It got you relaxed and sleepy and it worked like a charm. Your eyes heavy again and you fell asleep in no time just not for long. Night terrors are a common symptom of PTSD and even though you were safe, it wasn’t over.

“baby girl wake up! Sweetheart! please wake up…..” Pedro tried to wake you up from a bad night terror. The doctor and nurses ran into the room. “Miss…. Miss, you’re dreaming wake up.” but nothing worked so they decided to doze up your medication until you shot up straight in bed, completely out of breath, still in a panic. You were in the hospital, but the flashbacks got you back into the chamber and in everyone around you, you saw those terrorists. You screamed on the top of your lungs and tried to fight them off. Pedro was shocked in horror at how bad this was.  I mean, of course he knew it was bad, he saw the videos. But the moment you didn’t recognize Pedro, he knew you needed help. Tears floating in his eyes again when a nurse ran out of the room. Even though, you are very badly injured, your need to survival was stronger, making you inhumanly strong from the adrenaline right now.

Pedro walked up to you while the nurses tried to hold you down, so you wouldn’t tear up the stitches. Pedro was determined to bring you back and cupped your cheeks. Your eyes were extremely big, pupils blown as he looked desperately in your eyes. “Baby girl, it’s me, Pedro. Remember? Your safe, I won’t let anything bad happen to you, look at me Chiquita. Come on, I know you’re in there. please, I need you.” his voice begging you more with each word. You slowly stopped struggling and Pedro could see it in your eyes that you were back. Your heartrate slowly going down, while you tried to catch your breath and looked around you in shock of what you just did. Tears forming in your eyes. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry… I eh…..” you were shocked in horror at how bad it was, I mean, it’s to be suspected but still, how could you forget your Pedge? They all took a deep breath that you were back. Pedro softly petted over your hair in order to calm you down more and letting you know that he is there. “I’m sorry…” you looked teary eyed at the nurses and doctors.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. It’s not a little thing you went through. IT completely understandable. But thank you for apologizing even though you don’t have to.” You felt tears running over your cheeks as the realization hit you that you were going to have to deal with a lot of things. You just started crying, feeling so extremely defeated that for a moment, you whished they just would’ve killed you and that thought made you even cry more because on the other hand you were happy to be alive and with Pedro, but it was all so much and confusing with all these emotions running through your body.

You tried to collect your head when a nurse spoke up: “Would you like to maybe watch a movie or something light? It might help you fall asleep a bit more peaceful and distract you.” The other nurses exchanged looks as if it was a good idea and to be honest, you would like that. You tried to give her a smile and nodded “That might be a good idea. I would like that.” She smiled and nodded.

She gave you the tv remote and told you that Netflix was available. The nurses still gave you the medication to calm you down if you would have another flashback. Pedro noticed your need for distraction right now and he gave you all the room and time to share your story with him, whenever you are ready. He was just relieved that he had you back in his arms again.

Pedro was glued to your side, and you didn’t mind it one bit, you needed him to be as close as possible. You both watched the Golden Girls. Pedro told you about the show once and you decided to watch a couple of episodes with him and you loved it.  Even though you tried to focus on the tv but you kept going back to that moment which you thought would be your last. “I thought I would never see you again.” You whispered as your head was resting on his chest in a way that didn’t hurt you. You felt Pedro shift and you knew he was looking at you, so you looked up.

You felt your eyes filled up with tears again for the millionth time that day. “I thought I was going to die there and all I could think about was you.” Pedro felt his heart break and tears escaped his eyes but didn’t say something. He just let you speak, knowing you weren’t finished telling him. “All I could think of that week and a half was you. You kept me going when I wanted to die. They put me in a chamber for so long in complete darkness and I would talk to the wall, pretending I was talking to you. It kept me somehow sane.” Pedro listened intently to every word you told him. He was absolutely gob smacked to what you confessed and how much he meant to you.

“When they would…. When they did those things to me… I wanted nothing more than to die right on the spot, hoping they would have mercy and take me out of my misery but… when those thoughts came, so did you, it was like you pushed those thoughts away and when they would…. torture me… all I thought was about happy memories of us. Of us in Disneyland, dancing in the livingroom, sneaking into a theater to see the reaction of people who watched you on the big screen. Every happy memory I could think of, was with you. You kept me going, kept me fighting to survive.”

Pedro couldn’t help but cry from the moving words you confessed to him. “I thought… I was never going to see you again. I wanted to tell you so many things, hug you and see you for the last time. I was so sure of it to never see you again, and so convinced I was going to die there and already accepting my faith, that… that it feels weird to see you again. Like it all isn’t real and I’m just imagining it, like I’m going crazy, and I’ve finally lost it in there that I’m imagining all of this. I don’t know what’s real or not anymore….” Pedro was silently letting his tears fall until you confessed that you weren’t sure if this was real. That part brought determination to him.

“Mi corazon…. This is real, I’m real. You are safe but I understand that you don’t feel that way… that it messes with your head. But I know you trust me, and let me tell you, this is real. He carefully took your hand in his and placed it on his chest where his heart is. “You feel that? That’s real. All of this is real. I’m lost for words to your story… it… I …. I love you too. I’m so sorry that this happened, really, I can’t express it enough. And I love you too, I really do. When you’re fully recovered, we are going to make so many more happy memories. So much more that it won’t leave room for the bad” he told you and his digit softly tapping against your head. “We’ll get through this, together. I won’t leave your side and when you can get out of here, please stay at my house for a while. I’ll take care of you, love you through the good and the bad and won’t ever leave you. Come here sweetheart, your safe now.” he told you and let you cry it out while he comforted you through it.

“I would like that, to stay a while with you after this.” you talked through the sniffles.

~time skip~

It’s been over 3 months and you moved in with Pedro for a while. You had trauma therapy at least 3 times in the week and the aftermath of the event was unbelievable heavy. Panic attacks, night terrors, flashbacks, dissociation. Your triggers were enormous. Like the shower already triggered you from the waterboarding. Not to forget that your body was still recovering. It was tough but Pedro kept true to his word, not that you thought differently but still. He had soooo much patience and helped you through every flashback, every night terror, every panic attack, he was there, and you could count on him.

You’ve been given a while from work to readjust. But you still had court sittings. You had to testify against some of the terrorists that were still alive and in captivity. They had all the recordings, inclusive the last video, just before you got rescued. They haven’t shown that tape to the public but now would be the first time and obviously, Pedro was there to support you. They played the tape, and you couldn’t look. You couldn’t look at the screen, couldn’t look at the people in court, couldn’t look at Pedro because you knew, what you though were, your last words.

Every now and then your curiosity got the best of you and stole a glance from Pedro who stared in disbelieve at the screen, tears going over his cheek as he shook his head. The moment you looked in the camera, you looked up at the screen. God you looked bad, like really bad in that video that you are shocked yourself that you even made it out alive. That was how bad you looked like.

You looked down again and heard through the speakers in the court room: “I love you Pedge.” Pedro’s eyes went wide and immediately landed on you, the pool of tears visible in his eyes as he tried to give you a loving smile. Which you tried to return but in both of your expressions, there was too much pain. The people in the room went silent and the judge as well, everyone was taken aback by the horrors that played out on the screen.

~time skip~

Pedro opened the door of his car for you and helped you in. both of you were still lost for words after the video being played. Not only that, but you also saw how the people of your team die. It was a very hard day. The terrorist won’t be seeing the daylight ever in their life and you couldn’t care less about it right now. so many emotions going through you. “Why don’t we pick up some ice cream for at home?” Pedro softly asked you, both of you still not mentioned about what you said in the video. “Yeah, sure.” You told him and there was a thick silence again that you both felt.  You looked over at Pedro who had tears in his eyes as he tried to concentrate on the way. You knew that this hit him very hard. You placed your hand gently on his and he looked over at you, trying to push his tears away. “I told you, I was thinking about you all the time. I just… I thought I was going to die and… and I didn’t want to go out without saying that I loved you. I needed you to know that.” Pedro parked on the side of the road and sniffled. He got out of the car without saying anything and it almost had sent you into a complete panic attack. He opened your door and you looked at him, afraid of what was to come.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you as he sat on his knees on the ground and held you tightly while some sobs escaped his own throat. His face was against your stomach, and you went with your fingers through his hair and held him tightly with your other arm. When he calmed down after a while, he sniffled. “I’m sorry. It’s different to really see it on video. I wanted to attack that guy so bad because of what eh has done to you. it made me furious and to hear you say, what you thought were your last moments. I just… it hit me that… that you wanted your last words….” He couldn’t finish it, but you knew what he meant. To direct your last words to him.

You cupped his cheeks and gave him for the first time in a very, very long time a genuine smile. He started laughing through his tears and put his arms around you in a big hug. “I love you too and there won’t be a day gone by without me saying that to you. I love you to the moon and back.” he kissed your head multiple times. “Like you said, we’ll get through this together.” Pedro smiled and held you tightly. “So how about that ice cream, and cuddles when we get home? We could watch a movie if you’d like?” he told you enthusiastic which made you smile, genuinely again. It hyped Pedro even more up to finally see that beautiful smile after 3 months. “That sounds very nice Pedge. I’d like that.” You told him and he drove off with a smile as he held your hand.

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Eight

A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OH MY GOD. I genuinely didn’t expect it to, chapter 8 was supposed to be way shorter but uh yk my brain didn’t like that apparatnly. So now it’s uh 10K words. I think it’s genuinely worth the wait and read tho so hey, alls well that ends well or something. I’m gonna try to be faster with updates now. I’m FAIRLY CERTAIN chapter nine will be much shorter or at least nothing crazy like 8 or 10k. But what I can guarantee is chapters 10-13 will most definitely be short and lead up to the grand arc finale of chapter 14. We’re getting pretty close to it and I’m literally vibrating from excitement but no spoilers. Anyway enjoy the chapter! :D

Credit to: @sweaterrat and @yosajaeofficial for being my beloved beta readers! This story wouldn’t be able to have the quality it does without them so please give them some love and check out their ROTTMNT stories too!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Chapter One

Disclaimer: Chapter involves depressive thoughts, mentions of bullying, depressed behavior, mentions of Kr*ng, PTSD behavior, violence, very lightly graphic description of injuries, blood, and curse words. If you’re sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe!

Outside the window, you can make out a bird’s nest sat in one of the trees. It’s been here for a week now, perfectly timed with when I got back to a consistent school life. But lately, the mother’s been staying at the nest more often. I’m guessing they’ve got babies on the way, she’s probably incubating her eggs right now. I think I’ve gotten attached to them, that small family of robins. The parents are so dedicated, aren’t they? The mother especially, never leaving the nest unless absolutely necessary. 

On the contrary to my peaceful view, the classroom is noisy, hectic, and cluttered. No real science work for today so everyone’s just doing their own thing. Very loudly. Jaiden and Zane are chatting and laughing with each other next to me. I think things are better between us, I still don’t really know where Jaiden and I stand right now but at least Zane seems fine with me. Though I won’t lie, I’ve been feeling more and more like a third wheel around them. 

“Dude! I’m telling you, we have to play this game together! We’d have so much fun!” 

“I already said I would, Jaiden! Man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh like this. Shame you’re letting such a pretty smile go to waste.”

“Yeah? Let’s hang out more often then and maybe I won’t do that.”  

Like right now.

Lowkey, I’ve been feeling invisible around those two. Jaiden barely pays any attention to me, it’s as if Zane was their best friend instead of me! I mean, I know friends can drift apart, I definitely know. But still, I never imagined it would happen to us. I still don’t wanna believe that’s what’s happening. I wanna keep hope.

“And ironically, you’re being pretty quiet today, Salena. Did you two switch personalities or something?” 

“You are weirdly quiet, actually. What’s up?”

Oh lookie, I’ve been acknowledged. “Nah, you guys don’t have to worry about me. Just lower on energy than usual.” 

I went back to my routine of staring out the window like the main character in a music video. In the reflection, Zane was still watching me. With the way his eyes lingered, I had a feeling he’s not falling for my excuse. 

Seems like Jaiden’s not too worried, though. “Oh, Zane! You wanna hear about this new skate park I found?” Just went right back at it with Zane. Who’s weirdly still staring at me.

“…Actually, I’m kinda hungry. Jaiden, you mind getting me a snack from the vending machine?”

“Huh? But I wouldn’t know what to get you. N-not that I don’t pay attention to what you like! But, you know… Salena has better taste in these things! She should go-”

“She always goes.”

“‘Cause she knows what she’s doing.”

“Jaiden.”

“Guys, it’s fine! It’s fine. I’ve got this.” I didn’t want them to fight again so I got up from my seat. “Be back soon.”

Jaiden gave me their most gleeful smile I’ve seen them make in a while. I think seeing them smile makes this gesture worthwhile. Even if it’s just for a little bit.

The walk to the vending machine shouldn’t have been long, it’s not super far away. But my legs dragged on forcing each step to be slower than the last. I feel guilty thinking like this but a part of me wants this dumb walk to go on forever. I can’t stand being near them and I don’t know why! It’s not like we’ve got bad blood, they’ve both been normal towards me since I came back. So why am I acting like this? I’m seriously starting to doubt Splinter’s theory of me not being the problem here…

I approached the machine, stopping as I heard a struggling voice in front of me. 

“Argh! How’d she say these things worked again?” 

His finger pressed against the glass, tracing the code for the snack he wanted. He tapped the buttons on the screen. Nothing happened. Scratching his head, he leaned forward to read the next instructions. Finally, he pulled out a dollar bill.

…Before proceeding to insert it in the wrong way. And taking it out. And inserting it back in. And repeating the process. I can feel my soul exiting my body from second-hand embarrassment. 

I recognized the fluffy black hair. With a crooked smile, I pulled out my own wallet.

“You’re supposed to put it in this way.” I slid my bill into the slot, the granola bar he selected successfully being pushed down soon after. “Good to see you again.”

“Woah, cool!” He stared at the giant food box almost with a childlike wonder, pausing for a few minutes before turning to me. “And hey! Yeah, it’s really nice seeing you again, too.” His eyes remained locked for a while before he scrambled to hand me the bill he had. “Here! Let me pay you back-“

“No, no, no, don’t worry about it! Really! Consider it my apology for, um, last time.” 

“Apology? I mean, you weren’t the one doing anything weird so I don’t think you’ve gotta apologize.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Casey Jones Jr. I was gonna introduce myself the first time we met but, you know.”

“Salena Moni! So, how’s everything holding up? You joined pretty late in the year so if you need any help reviewing stuff I’m more than happy to.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry! It’s actually going alright. Still technically my first time going to a real school, so it’s a little bit of a challenge but I already knew most of the material anyways. I didn’t have to catch up on much.”  

“Wow, that is… remarkably impressive.” If only I handled transferring as well as this guy. “Wait, hold up, real school? Were you homeschooled?”

“You could… say that. My uncle taught me everything, he was the smartest person I knew! Just turns out it was literally everything.”

“Cool! I guess we can check grades off the box, then! So, is everyone being nice? Made any friends?”

I bit my lip as I received my answer in the form of his face freezing mid-speech. “W-well uh…”

Oh, you poor thing…

I guess he could read my face since he immediately tried reassuring me, as if he wasn’t the victim in this scenario. “I-I mean it’s not awful! A couple people were nice to me, including you! Sure, some are a little… hostile. But it’ll get better eventually.” 

“Y-yeah! It definitely… definitely will.”

And cue the classic awkward silence that stars in any first conversation. A little overdue for this one now that I’m thinking about it. 

I’m so conflicted. I know damn well he’s not gonna have the high school dream he’s probably imagining right now. No one does. I may not have been at this school for long, but I’ve been here long enough to know how the people are. April told me it gets even worse every year as cliques start getting established and people grow past the initial politeness. I’m glad she did, she never kept anything about high school from me no matter how bad it was. Nothing was in my control but at least I knew it was coming.

And here I am playing the exact opposite role for Casey. I hate giving people false hope, I hate it with a passion! But I’m supposed to, I think. In a situation like this I’m supposed to hype him up. Ignorance is bliss! Wouldn’t it just ruin his spirits if I broke the glass? 

“Anyway, it was nice to meet you! I guess I’ll see you around?”

“Y-yep! Hope things get better for you soon!” 

“Me too.”

Ugh, the guilt is eating me up! I’m acting like I’ve never told a lie in my life but it’s not that. It’s his pure mindset that’s completely fucking with my morality! 

I know to keep my mouth shut, I do. I don’t want him to hate me like everyone else does. I haven’t met someone who’s been so nice to me in this stupid ass school before, I don’t want to ruin this chance now that I finally got it. Plus, he might not even believe me…

I watched him turn to walk away. 

Fuck it, social norms are for losers!

“W-wait! Casey?” He turned back around and I nearly shit myself from fear. “So, don’t be mad but I may have um… lied about something?” 

“Uh, sorry?”

I took a deep breath, bracing myself. “Well, here’s the deal. Things aren’t really gonna get better, sorry. Or, actually! I don’t mean that extremely literally, I guess...” 

Focus on your hands, it’ll be okay. “Just… People here are mean. Really, really mean. You’re homeschooled, you’re new, and you’re nice. It’s a recipe for disaster here whether it’s today or even a year after you’ve settled in!”

I can’t even read his expression and get an idea of his reaction. He’s got a scary good poker face, I’m curious which relative taught him that one.

“Casey, please don’t take this the wrong way. I-I’m not saying any of it is your fault! Or that you need to change or do anything. I’m only saying this so you don’t have any… unrealistic expectations so to speak.” 

God, his silence is more terrifying than anticipated.

So much so I couldn’t help letting out a quiet breath of relief when he finally did speak. “You know, you’re the first person here who’s told me that.”

“…Is that bad?”

“Not at all. All my family, they never got the chance to go to school. Hell, I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity. But here I am! First time in a new building with weird people and absolutely no clue what to expect. I’m usually good with surprises but this one is just so… different. Different is scary, you know?” 

I nodded. I most definitely did know.

“Anyway, you’re right that people are just mean here. I don’t even know why, I mean, I’ve met my fair share of dicks before but at least they had good reasons! We were under so much stress… But that’s not what I hate. It’s the fact that any time I tell an adult, they say the same thing over and over again!” 

“Let me guess.” I cleared my throat and enhanced the performance with my intoxicated Mrs. Doubtfire voice. “Just ignore them and give it time and it’ll magically fix itself ‘cause boredom beats bullies or some shit, right?”

“Yeah, exactly!” His laugh is like holding your parent’s hand when you’re getting the flu shot, it’s magical! “They say that to everyone, don’t they? God, what’s up with that? I’m so not used to adults lying to me.”

“Dude, what? You’re kidding, your whole community’s gotta be amazing if you’ve never been lied to by an adult.” 

“Eh, more or less… Anyway, um, thank you. For telling me the truth. And the granola bar. I seriously owe you for this.”

…I take it back, Splinter might’ve actually been onto something.

I mean, he’s a little strange, I won’t lie about that. This is the first time I’ve heard someone actually be grateful for me telling the truth. In the past it either got me isolated or in huge trouble, depending on who I was honest with. Maybe this is why I’m so used to lying. I hate it but I’ve had to do it so much. I’ve never met someone who finally lets me relax about it, not until Casey Jr it seems.

Maybe he deserves me being a little braver for a change. 

“Well, here’s a way you can repay me. By us being friends!”

…

This was a lot more epic in my head without his speechless pause. Maybe I got the vibe wrong-

“REALLY!? OMIGOSH! That would be so cool! I’ve literally been thinking about asking you the same thing ‘cause I keep wanting to talk to you but never run into you but now we can talk whenever we want, IT’LL BE GREAT!!!” Spoke too soon, he is literally shaking me by the shoulders. It feels unnatural not being on the other side of this scenario. 

“Casey, my stomach doesn’t approve of this-“

“Sorry, sorry!” He finally stopped and allowed me to remember the pleasant feeling of absolute stillness. “I just can’t believe you actually wanna be friends with me!” 

Still, his surprising enthusiasm gave me a good laugh. “Dude, it’s alright! It’s kinda more surprising you wanna be friends with me.”  

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met in my entire life, anyone who’s friends with you is lucky to have you!” 

Lucky to have me?

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, unexpected compliments go burn in a fire but also don’t leave, it actually feels really nice. 

“Salena, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

“N-no, I mean, all I did was buy you a snack and tell you people are jerks. I’m not too sure I should be receiving the title of the ‘kindest person you’ve ever met’ and stuff.”

“O-oh yeah, you have a point.” He got a little flustered at that, despite it really being my fault for not being able to take compliments. “I don’t know, I mean, I still think you’re really cool. I’m just so happy you wanna be friends with me!” 

He looked like a child on Christmas morning as I tippy-tapped my number into his phone. Come to think of it, I know I’ve definitely reacted excitedly towards certain people - or turtles, I should say - but having someone do it to me? Feels kinda nice.

I looked up at the clock. “Shit. We should probably head back to class before we get in trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. But hey,” his eyes closed as the corners delightfully wrinkled “it was great running into you again! Fate really wants us to be friends.”

He has a really nice smile. 

“Funny how life works, ay?”

I skipped my way back to class, mind too deep in thought to realize how fast I went.

This guy, Casey Jones, he’s giving me certain vibes. I don’t mean the creepy, stalkerish, "I need to get the hell outta here” vibes. More like deja-vu. I can’t pin what exactly, but something about him feels so… foreign yet familiar. Homey, if you may. Like a nice, warm fire in mid-winter night. It’s really soothing. 

And immediately I’m thrown into emotional whiplash as I went back inside the annoying ass classroom of teenage chaos. So much for soothing vibes. I plopped back in my desk as Zane slowly scanned me.

“You took a while. Did you get my snack?…”

…Fuck. “Sorry! I completely forgot!”

“How did you forget when it’s the literal reason you even left?” Jaiden doesn’t seem as chipper as before.

“I know, I’m so sorry. I got a bit distracted. Gimmie a sec, I’ll be right back-”

“No, wait! It’s fine, I’m not hungry anymore.”

“Really? Okay, suit yourself.” I shrugged, getting settled in again. He leaned closer to me, both confused and concerned.

“You seem happier right now. Did something good happen?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess! Just ran into a new friend.”

His face scrunched up, going back to chatting with Jaiden. I have no clue why he glared when I said that, I don’t think I said anything wrong or alarming. Honestly, bro has worse mood swings than I do. It's seriously annoying sometimes but whatever, they’ve gone back to their little bubble now so I shall go back to mine.

I pulled out my phone, greeted with Casey’s excited text already.

CJ: Hey! Not really doing anything in class so if you’re free too, text me back :D

Smiling, I let myself get engrossed in my phone, happily typing away. He’s a fun guy to talk to. His enthusiasm and bubbliness is a little surprising considering how borderline timid he seemed at first. Goes to show, never judge a book by its cover! I felt my mood lifting, less gloomier than before.

Until I remembered something he said.

“My uncle taught me everything, he was the smartest person I knew!”

Was?...

***

Ah, midnight. A time when the mentally sane and emotionally stable would be sleeping. Turns out I’m neither of those folks, I’ve got better things to do. I have weapons now but I’ve gotta actually practice using them if I don’t wanna render them useless. Besides, in bed or out here, I’m not falling asleep either way. At least this serves as a good distraction! And won’t give me a headache like my phone will.

The blades cut through the air as I twirled them, striking at an imaginary enemy soon after. 

I try not to think about life when I’m training, it distracts me too much. Sometimes I feel like Casey’s the only thing making school bearable anymore. We don’t share any classes so we text more than talk but I don’t have to do any mental gymnastics to figure out how he views me. I’m still confused as hell if Jaiden likes me or hates me and have no damn clue what Zane’s deal is anymore. He keeps staring at me. More than usual. Sure, I could always sit there and ponder for hours on end what the fuck is going on, but I doubt even that’d get any results.

The sickles, however, do show results. They feel lighter, smoother, easier to duel. I’m getting faster with them and my arms don’t feel as broken after training anymore! It’s something I can lose myself in, track the improvement. It’s so much simpler than everything else.

It keeps my mind occupied. If I focus on them, I don’t think about anyone from school or anything bad that’s happening! Or at least, I usually don't. I guess I’m thinking about it now, though…

“Someone’s training hard.”

“AHH!!!”

Immediately I jerked to turn and held up a blade in defense. However, it turned out to be a false alarm as instead of some midnight mugger I expected to see, I’m greeted with a smirking blue idiot standing in front of me.

“Woah, hey! I come in peace!” The stupid bitch held his hands up, mocking me with his fake fear. “Been a while, huh?” 

“Leo? Oh god, you scared me! Where did you even come from?” 

“The better question would be: Where did you disappear to? We haven’t gone out in like a week! You kept leaving me on read when I texted you but seemed fine in the group chat. What gives?” 

“…I forgor?”

“Really?” I could tell he wasn’t satisfied by my answer. “You just forgot to respond to me? Every single time?”

“W-well sorta. I mean, it’s nothing you did so please don’t take it personally! It’s with everyone. I’ve just been a little bad at responding to dms…” My social battery’s been so low lately I question if it’s even charged at all. “That’s entirely on me, though! I’m so sorry.”

He crossed his arms and looked me up and down. He’s doing that nonchalant poker face again, the one he does when he doesn’t wanna be read, otherwise he’s an open book. 

“You know you can tell me if something’s up, right?”

I guess he also does that face when he’s trying to read someone else. “Yeah, I know. I’m alright. It’s just… I dunno, things are a little weird but it’s fine. It’s really nothing to worry about.”

He hummed in response. I don’t really think he bought it but his eyes eventually drifted to my weapons, dropping the topic regardless. He must not wanna push it.

“Sooo, sick weapons! Where’d you get ‘em?”

“Oh, these? Draxum gave them to me!”

He gagged, interrupting me. “You met Draxum? The sheep guy? Oh, poor you! Was he awful to deal with? I bet he was! You know, like always.” 

“Oh come on, he wasn’t that bad! A little grouchy at first but in his defense, I caught him in the middle of his shift, so.”

“Please, sheep bitch doesn’t need a reason to be a jerk! He’s just an old cranky loser who spends his days yelling at kids and smuggling whatever mystic bullshit of the week he found from the Hidden City! It’s giving Oscar the Grouch, just missing the lemon. Oh wait, that’s ‘cause unlike Oscar, he doesn’t even have one single thing that makes him uncharacteristically happy!” 

“Wow, angry aren’t we?” It’s rude to laugh, but I can’t help myself around this dork. He looks like a kid who got denied an Xbox when he crosses his arms like that. “Leo, be real. This is because he threw you off a roof, isn’t it?”

“You know!? I mean-“ He laughed, trying to hide his poorly made lie. “What? Of course not… Maybe just a little but that’s not important.” 

Leo grumbled on with some incoherent noises for a minute, before cooling down and moving on from the “sheep bitch”. 

“Ugh, well anyway, if you got it from that moron, they’re definitely mystic or something, right?”

“Oh, absolutely! They’re actually super cool, I mean-“ For a good five minutes I kept blabbering on and on about the sickles and how they function and all my progress that I didn’t notice Leo - bless his heart - trying and horrifically failing to pay attention. He doesn’t really hide it well when he spaces out.

“And they- Uh, Leo, you good?” 

“…Would you be mad if I said I got like, none of that?” 

I sighed but gave a gentle smile. I knew he had a short attention span so I can’t really act like it’s his fault I forgot about that. 

“Actually, do you want me to just like… act it out instead? I think I’ve gotten pretty good at using these so I don’t mind showing instead of telling!”

He shrugged “Nothin’s stopping you. Go on, impress me!” 

Well, nothing except my nerves. But hey, it’s just Leo. If I mess up, he’ll laugh with me a bit and then I’ll just retry. No real pressure around him. I could use a progress check right now, anyway.

“Aight, so we only know two out of who knows how many powers for these things, they’re the only two I’ve been practicing. First up!”

 

I spun them around, careful to not mess up my handling. My goal is to form blades strong enough to crack a dent through the concrete edge of this building. So the sickles need to be made out of metal or steel. I usually go with metal but I do actually wanna impress him and steel’s stronger. I aimed at the edge and swung my arm forward, the sickle shot through the air and sliced through the concrete like a knife to a cake.

“OH SHIT!”

“I got it!” He teleported to catch the flying solo sickle and came right back within a matter of seconds. Oh, what I’d give to experience never having to walk again. 

“Sorry about that! They’ve never broken the edge like that before!”

“Sorry!? You’re not allowed to be sorry, that was so cool! It went clean through!” I’ve never seen him gush about something this way. I’ve gotta admit, it’s kind of adorable. “Okay, I’m hooked! What’s the other thing it can do?”

“Invisibility! But I can’t do it for long, at least not yet. I made progress, though! Went from only three seconds to five!”

“Wait, actually, back up a bit. I get that Baron Ass told you how the sickles work and blah blah blah, but how’d you learn how to fight with ‘em? Ya know, the non-mystic aspects.” 

“Oh, YouTube tutorials at first. But honestly, sickle fighting is mid so I did a lot of improv, really.”

He chuckled and eventually lost to his giggles as if me saying that wasn’t completely justified. “Did you just call an ancient form of martial arts mid?” 

“Stop judging me, I’m right! Sickles were improvised weapons. They’re good for the last resort, not the first choice!”

“I’m not judging, I’m not judging! Promise! I respect it, even!” He leaned against the roof’s edge, gradually collecting himself. “But if they’re that bad, why didn’t you ask for a different weapon? One that’s cooler and not ‘the last resort’?”

Oh boy, where to begin?

I then explained how I essentially found myself wrapped in some “chosen one” bullshit through the sickles. They still don’t work any time Barry touches them but are perfectly fine in my hands. It’d be pretty dumb to pass up these weapons for a different one, even if sickles aren’t the coolest thing to own. Although, he’s definitely acting like they are judging by how intensely his eyes are staring at them. They’re sparkling brighter than I thought eyes realistically could. 

“Well, now I’m offended! Mystic mystery sickles that do all kinds of glowy stuff for you specifically? How could you not tell me about these sooner!? They’re so amazing!”

“I know, I’m real sorry, Leon.” He’s joking around, his tone’s too light to be mad. But I do still feel bad for accidentally ignoring him like that. “Anything I can do for you as an apology?”

“Well…” His smirk revealed that thing was the main reason he came here in the first place. “We could make up for the lost time and go on a run together tonight. It is a weekend so you’d still have tomorrow and the day after to rest up. But hey, that’s just an idea…”

It's Friday again. Just like the first time we did this.

He held out his hand as an offer and I took it with a grin. “You make a convincing argument.”

And off we went, dashing through the night. It’s a bit humid today so the wind from sprinting so fast is greatly appreciated. Not to mention my speed is so much better than before! 

The daily restrictions of civil life can go suck my dick and feed my liver to their uncles ‘cause oh my god nothing beats this feeling! No one else is here, no one who could stop us! Sure, jumping off roofs isn’t the safest way to have fun, but everything else in my life is already so safe! I’m allowed to have this one thing, this one moment to be free.

I’m so distracted that I didn’t realize I’m actually giving Leo a run for his money this time! Hehe, run. God, I’m so funny.

“Looks like you can actually keep up with me now!”

“I know, right!? It feels fucking amazing!” 

Judging from his mischievous ass face, I probably should’ve kept my mouth shut. “I don’t mean to burst your bubble but…”

 A blue light appeared as a hole ripped in the sky and the lovely piece of shit went right through, appearing again somewhere way ahead of me. “I’m still faster!~”

“Hey! No portals allowed!”

“Uh, last time I checked, portalling is totally allowed.”

“Says who!?”

“Says me and I’m leader! Whatever leader says goes!”

To add insult to injury, he doesn’t just portal himself. As I’m trying to catch up to him mid-jump, the jackass opens a portal right under me, sending me back even further than I already was with no time to recover. 

“Leo, you cheat!”

Bro’s giggling his ass off as he blinked in and out of sight. I’m no different with how sore my face is, so I can’t even pretend to be mad. 

Instead, all I can do is try my best to speed up and catch up, plotting my revenge in the meantime. Easier said than done, that dude’s faster than the Flash right now since he’s, ya know, portalling. Doesn’t help that he keeps appearing right next to me every few minutes just to taunt me and disappear again.

A few minutes into our little cat and mouse game though, I lost track of him and he hadn’t shown up in a while to pester me. So, I started calling out his name, trying to look for him. You’d think it’d be easier to find a 5’5” giant, green turtle man but I guess they wouldn’t be ninjas if that were the case.

“Leo? Leo!? Le- Huh?”

I finally found him. But instead of the shit-eating grin he gave me earlier, he’s silent and still behind the edge of a roof, his back facing me. It’s starting to freak me out a little, he looks like he’s going fucking Blair Witch mode. No words, no witty remarks, nothing. Just ghostly staring at whatever the view is. Only thing I can see from here is a museum. 

“Hey, Leon, you okay?”

“Shh!”

With his eyes still fixed up ahead, Leo took my hand and guided me forward. He eventually looked at me and nodded towards the street below us. Gazing in that direction, I saw a large purple truck with the logo of that one weird shoe store I browsed a few years ago. From what I’ve gathered these past few weeks, big trucks mean bad news. 

But maybe that’s not what I should be focused on. Standing near the truck were two people, their skin an unnatural shade of purple. One’s large and brutish, the other tall and slender. They’ve got foot marks on their faces and flames on their bald heads. Exactly how Mikey described…

“The Foot Clan.”

He nodded. “I don’t understand, those guys were all turned into Krang during the invasion.”

Sorry, what? “You’re sure it was those two specifically? I haven’t heard about any cures or vaccines for the Krang victims on the news. It’d make headlines if there were.” I haven’t heard anything about them for a while now that I think about it.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He leaned closer to the edge, as close as he could get without getting caught. “They’re parked a street away from a museum, the hell are they up to now?” 

I mimicked his actions, trying to hear the Foot people better. The slender one’s on the phone, sounding frustrated. He’s doing that whisper-yelling thing people do when they wanna be mad quietly to avoid societal shame. 

“Yeesh, someone’s having a bad day.”

“You can hear them?” Why does he look so confused?

“Yeah, can’t you?”

Leo shook his head. “Whatever, what are they saying?” 

I cocked my head to the side, spying in on their conversation.

His voice is scratchy, a little sore on my ears. “What do you mean you can’t get it off? Just bring the whole thing and hurry! We can’t risk alerting anyone!” Neither of us can tell what he’s referring to, unfortunately. The Foot dude avoids naming it. 

I looked back at Leo scanning around for any clues. He stared at the back of the museum for a minute before his eyes widened. “I know where we are. It’s the Historical Society Museum. Donnie mentioned wanting to come here once.” 

“I think I’ve heard of it. Isn’t there a lot of ancient stuff in there? Like, from centuries back?”

Nodded again. He’s being unnervingly quiet, considering it’s Leo. He stared at the clan, then at the museum, then back at the clan. He looked… scared. Scared in a way I’ve never seen him before. I felt my hand being subconsciously squeezed. I didn’t even notice he hadn’t let go in the first place.

…I have to help him.

I readied myself for whatever his idea was, no matter how outlandish or risky it may seem. “Alrighty, what’s the plan?” 

“Right.” He hesitated, before gripping his katanas and turning back. “…The plan is for me to portal you home, kick some Foot ass, and pick you up so we can continue our run.” 

WHAT!?

“What do you mean ‘portal me home!? I’m not leaving!” I was prepared for anything, but this!? “We just stumbled across the Foot Clan who are for some reason not freaky alien zombies and messing with ancient artifacts that do who knows what!”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m sending you home before your adrenaline junkie ass can do something stupid.”

“And what makes you think I’d do that!?”

He held up my scarred left arm and stared at me unimpressed.  

“…Okay, that’s a low blow even for you.” 

Though as much as I hate to admit it, he kind of has a point. I sighed. “Alright, tell me. If I leave, will you at least call your brothers to help you out?”

“Yes!”

“Leo.”

“Fine, I lied.” The steel fucking balls of- “But still! I’ll be okay! I’ve gone against them plenty of times before.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re invincible!”

Before I could say anything more, I heard the sound of a truck starting up. I looked down and Leo followed my line of sight to see the Foot getting ready to drive. 

Shit, they’re getting away!

“Okay, okay! Listen, I promise, I promise I won’t run off on my own and do something dumb this time. Anything the leader says goes! Just please let me join!” I can’t leave him alone!

I could sense him debating on what to do. His eyes look so conflicted, there’s definitely more than what he’s telling me. Nevertheless, I’m not budging. I don’t wanna sit at home being useless and worry the entire time.

He took a deep breath in, and let out a loud sigh. He looked at me with a defeated smile. “I’m not getting rid of you, am I?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, fine, but you’re sticking close.”

Before I could celebrate too much, I felt the ground beneath me disappear into bright blue light. Not anything sudden, more gentle really. Even then, I felt disoriented with my feet going from firmly grounded to touching the air! Not to mention how light my whole body felt. Gravity did a complete 180 and I got flipped around, landing under the truck. 

I nearly lost my grip but a hand on my back kept me in place long enough for me to recollect myself. Leo portalled us here.Well, obviously he did, it just caught me off guard again. It’s not really too bad going through his portals but it sure is a fucking trip when it’s unexpected. Either way, it got the job done. 

They drove for quite a damn while. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience having to cling on to the bottom of a moving truck as the only scents to breathe in were that of oil and gasoline, but we probably looked super cool! My ears disagreed but oh well. They parked in front of a mall this time. Not just any mall, the fucking World Trade Center! We’re literally on the other side of the city, what on Earth could they need here?

I wanted to follow them in but Leo was against it. He said it’d be safer for us to spy from a distance for now so we went to the roof of a neighboring building, looking in at them. The Foot are on one of the higher floors, almost seeming like they’re scavenging for something. 

Leo’s trying to figure out another way in for us. I still don’t understand why we didn’t just follow them. I know Leo’s not a total reckless nutcase or anything, but being this cautious felt a little unlike him. 

“Hey, look, I don’t mean to shoot your own words back at you or anything. But you know you can tell me if something’s up, right?” 

For a split second, he looked different. His eyes were dead, his lips shut and neutral. He stared at me but he looked so… lost. Empty. 

And then his smile returned, face back to normal. Or at least what he convinced me was normal. I’m not so sure anymore. He flicked my forehead again. Even softer than the first time he did it. “Stop worrying so much! You’re gonna give yourself a chasm worse than Raph’s.”

I didn’t know how to take it from there. So I just watched him.

He eventually decided on portalling us into the building’s vent system. It’s a little cramped but was the only place we can eavesdrop without being immediately spotted. Though honestly, I don’t mind this one bit! I’m controlling the impulsive adrenaline ,however, he didn’t say shit about internal adrenaline! I can’t help it if stealth makes me giddy!

“Hehe! It’s like we’re in a movie!”

“Love your enthusiasm as always but remember to not get too caught up in it.”

I momentarily shoved my excitement to the side as we both tried listening in on the Foot Clan. The skinny dude, who I now know to be the Lieutenant, is barking orders at the rest of the soldiers scouting around while talking to the giant Brute. 

“You disabled the cameras, correct? You know we can’t make it any harder for them!”

“Of course I did, it’s a no-brainer! Why’d ya have to ask it like that?” Woah, villain or not, his New Yorker accent is one to admire! “You know, sometimes I feel like you think I’m just stupid and nothin’ more.”

“Oh, don’t start now. Focus on finding good metal. The sooner we finish this the better.”

Hearing his raspy voice makes my own throat itch a little. I lightly clawed at it, trying to not make too much noise as I moved. 

I leaned a little closer to Leo “What do you think they need metal for?” 

“Not sure. Could be to make more soldiers or something? It’d be a cool upgrade from their paper soldiers.”

Leo’s tone seems a little lighter than before, I’m glad to hear him joke around again. “They could make paper soldiers?”

“Yeah! And they’re completely sentient, one of them even became besties with Raph! Anyway,” he pointed down at a handful of soldiers collecting metal artifacts “they’re probably trying to make those origami soldiers again with something stronger.”

“But how would you fold metal?”

“Beats me, Mikey would know more on this. He’s figuring out how to recreate whatever spell they used so we could get some help with patrolling. Word of advice though, salami origami does not work as a substitute.”

“No shit. Who’s bright idea was that?”

“...You don’t know him.” His guilty face says it all.

We were giggling a little too loudly, I suppose. One of the Foot dudes stopped and started listening for our voices again. He shrugged and moved on soon enough. I didn’t realize I was covering my mouth till I let myself breathe again.

“We should probably be a little quieter and take this stealth thing more seriously.”

I nodded in agreement. He’s not upset, honestly he’s struggling just as much as I am to choke down more giggles. It’s like we’re hiding under a blanket during a sleepover pretending we’re not awake in front of the parents and not in a likely life or death situation spying on the black-magic cult. I’m trying my best but it’s already hard enough to keep my adrenaline addiction in check and Leo being here makes it worse in the best ways possible. 

Still, I don’t wanna know what happens if we get cau- What was that creaking sound?

CLANG! 

It would seem those were not really sturdy vents. 

You know that moment from the Ice Age sequel when the vultures surround the main cast with hungry, devilish eyes ready to feast on them at any given moment? Yeah, let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised if the Foot Clan randomly bursts into song about “glorious food” full on broadway musical style.

“Uh… Hey, fellas! Long time no see, am I right?” Despite his demeanor, I caught the real reason he raised his hands. I reached back for mine as well.

A sheath of metal filled the air as Leo took his katanas out their case, perfectly timed with the Lieutenant’s new orders.

“GET THEM!” 

“Run, hide first then get the stolen thingie if you can. I’ll keep ‘em busy!” Leo charged into the fight, holding them off to make sure they couldn’t get to me.

Unfortunately, there’s like a bajillion of them that can easily outnumber us. I’ve learned to be quite a slippery sprinter but even then two already managed to block my path.

Now would be a good time to turn invisible!

“Come on, come on!” I could barely get the sparks to even start spreading. Turns out stress is a huge fucking factor I neglected in my training. 

I wouldn’t have minded if it just took a few seconds to work but the real issue was I couldn’t keep it working. I didn’t even really go invisible, just sorta flashed in and out of transparency for a few seconds! The only reason I haven’t gotten caught yet is ‘cause these two morons are too busy laughing at me.

“Is that really the best you can do!? Whoever you are, little girl, you’ve got your work cut out for you!” 

“Oh no! She’s… she’s… blinking like an old flashlight!! We’re so scared!”

…BITC-

Resorted to traditional methods. I made the sickles the consistency of a metal pot and threw it at one of their heads, knocking them down. The other I kicked straight in the chest while they were distracted by their idiot teammate, also knocking them down. I’d love nothing more than to give some extra special attention to them but this old flashlight’s gotta run for the shadows while they’ve got an open chance. 

A blue portal opened in front of me. “Hey Salena, so this fight’s a little more intense than I expected and I wanted to quickly check if you’re really sure about-”

“Leo, I’m fine! I’m not leaving mid-battle!”

“No, no, that’s fine! That’s great! Just a reminder there’s no shame in calling it- DUCK!”

 

Without hesitance, I dropped to the ground right as his sword swung above me to block one of the soldier’s attacks. Maybe I should let Leo handle this guy since I can’t really do much while laying on the floor. Then again, doesn't mean I can’t do anything. And also I don’t have good impulse control.

“OW!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?”

I bit on to his ankle as hard as I desired despite his pleading cries. I didn’t let go until Leo broke out of his shock and finally punched him unconscious. Fighting might actually be a really good way to get out my urges.

“Why-“

“Don’t. If it works, it works.”

I flashed a grin, got back on my feet, and bounced away. I need a better vantage point if I wanna find the stolen item, especially with the chaos over here. I quickly made my way up to the indoor balcony thingie. Terrance? The second floor? Whatever the fuck it is. I’ll have to admit, despite how absolutely pumped I’m feeling right now, it kinda feels nice getting away from the clusterfuck for a bit. I heard Leo still spamming all his dialogue options to keep the main two creeps occupied. Actually, I’m pretty sure I can see them from up here, too. 

“So, you guys are looking great! Never thought I’d say this, but I am loving the old look making a return.” His hands did more tricks than usual, keeping his swords flowing like an intricate dance. There are multiple soldiers practically hounding him yet he’s fending them off almost gracefully.

“Can’t you stupid children stay out of our way for one night! There’s great evil being put on the hold right now for your antics!”

“Hey, speaking of evil, what’s with the normal amount of eyes? Not that I’m missing the other option but- GAH!”

And yet, even with Leo’s skilled moves, he’s struggling to keep up with the two leaders specifically. I deadass would’ve been slaughtered by now if I didn’t listen to him about hiding. 

“We got some outside help. Now, stop askin’ annoying questions and maybe we’ll go easier on ya!” He swung his axe again, thankfully missing Leo.

I gotta wonder, from Mikey’s stories, they’ve fought the Foot Clan with ease several times in the past. Leo was doing fine just now, too. So why does it look like this could be his first time facing off the Lieutenant and Brute? Nobody’s perfect but I don’t think either of us expected him to lose his grace and become borderline clumsy against them.

Wait, no! Distractions! Leo can handle himself, I need to focus on my own task. Stolen thingie! But where the hell is it?

Just as I was about to think they left it in the truck like common sense would dictate, a soft, reflective red glow caught my eye. The moon was on my side tonight.

“There she is!”

Or maybe I was being too optimistic. In fairness, I should’ve known I couldn’t stay here for long.

It would be really fucking nice to turn invisible now. Sickles? No? Oh, okay, fuck me then I guess.

I hopped off the edge before they could reach me and slinked to the other side of the room, following the red gleam. Despite the sickles betraying me with horrific timing twice tonight, I got them to cover me long enough to reach the ruby ring the glow came from. The light bled past the folds of the drape covering their stolen prize. I lifted it to find a… weird mannequin bust? With arms. Decorated with several ornaments and jewelry including the ring. What the fuck are they using this for, a fashion show? 

I flinched to the sound of a loud thud paired with Leo’s groan. Flipping my head behind me, I saw him cornered against a wall, swords shielding him from the Brute’s axes.

“Okay, either you two got a lot stronger or my body isn’t what it used to be.”

I gotta calm myself down, Leo’s a trained ninja and will likely be completely and totally fine! A tiny slip doesn’t mean inevitable doom!

 

…I hope.

I turned my attention back to the mannequin thing to mentally measure its size. I’m fairly certain it’ll fit inside my backpack, it’s not too big. Just gotta get it in now.

Another sound interrupted me. This time, it was loud metallic clanking off the floor. Leo’s katanas…

“On second thought, maybe it’s both.” His weapons were away from him, too far out of reach. His voice sounded weaker, arms wrapped around his torso.

Oh no.

Neither of them were holding back. As soon as he was down, they were practically hammering at him. His arms were up, defensively blocking his head. I’m supposed to stay away from this. I’m supposed to listen and focus on my task. But I can’t stop my body from turning when I see something like this happening. 

He’s in the air now. I need to move. He’s being swung. I need to be faster. 

“Let this be a lesson, turtle. Our battles have drastically changed.”

The window shattered from the force of his body.

“LEO!”

I don’t remember ever sprinting this fast, but I was out the window right after through the very hole he created. The height couldn’t scare me if it tried. My arm outstretched, I caught him with one hand and had my sickle in the other. Careful to not dare mess up my timing, it snatched onto a power line just as my blades turned to rubber, thick enough to not get us shocked from the voltage. 

“N-nice… nice catch.”

“Thanks.” It’s harder to talk when I’m panting like a dog and trying to limit my shaking limbs.

His weight felt like it would rip my arms apart. I didn’t expect a giant muscular turtle to be light but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Still, some-fucking-how, I’m able to keep us both hanging from the wire, comprehending the fact that we’re not dead. Thank fuck for Raph forcing me to work out sessions.

“You, uh, you doing good up there? You’re breathing kinda heavily. Hey, heavily! Didn’t even mean to make that one!”

“Leo I will drop you.”

He convinced me to suffer a little longer and try to swing him, giving enough momentum for him to catch onto the side of the neighboring building. Then, I swung myself, Leo catching me to soften the landing. We scampered up to the roof, coincidentally the same one we were on a while ago. 

“And literally back to square one. Fantastic.” He sighed, clearly annoyed by our failure. His attention quickly shifted once he noticed me rubbing my sore arms. “Hey, you okay? Want me to take a look at you?”

“Me? Take a look at yourself first, idiot!” 

I’m not gonna pretend I’m not in pain, but it’s nothing close to the tragedies on his body currently. His arms are bruised and cut from the fight. One was actively bleeding with bits of glass still stuck in some places. Luckily it was the only fleshy place he took damage on, everything else was protected, albeit a little cracked.

“It’s… It’s fine. My shell took most of the hit, anyway.” This bitch. “Besides, I’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

Despite his condition, he started walking to the edge of the roof, heading back towards the WTC.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“To get my katanas back.”

“Oh, no, no, no, you are not going back in there! Can’t you just make new swords or something?”

“And help the foot by practically gifting them Hamato weapons?”

“You said they’re made from your magic! Shouldn’t that protect them from other people trying to use them?”

“I don’t know, we only learned about this ninpo stuff, like, last year! I don’t know enough to be sure nothing will happen if I leave them with the Foot. I’m not doing that.”

“Well, I can’t let you go back.” I stood in front of him to block his path. “We can figure something else out but you are not going back in there! Look at you, it’d be crazy!”

“I was crazy once-” My hand shut his stupid, smug mouth before he could complete the ritual. 

“Leo, you were thrown out a window! You’re hurt!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! I’ve been through worse! I’m just gonna get my swords back, that’s all.” He put a hand on my shoulder and threw on a fake smile to comfort me. The blood is literally dripping down his arm as he did, defeating the point. I looked back at his eyes, not bothering to hide how furiously concerned I am. If I’m reading him right, he’s not oblivious to reality. He’s a medic, he knows it better than I do.

He took a shaky breath in. “Fine, you’re right that I’m a little hurt. But we can’t waste time patching me up, I need to get my swords! Rule number one of basic survival is never let the Foot come into possession with highly mystic material ever.”

“Then I’ll go while you take care of yourself.” 

“NO!” His head perked up as his eyes grew wider. He tried saving his initial reaction. “No way, not happening. It’s a safer plan if I go in, I’m more used to them” Safer for us or for just me. 

“And yet, you got beaten to a pulp, isolated from your weapons, thrown out a window, and are now bleeding with shards of glass sticking out your body. Did I miss anything?” He’s neglected himself all night being overly cocky and confident nothing bad would happen to him. That’s what’s led to him turning out like this! “They didn’t exactly go easy on you, Leo-”

“Then imagine what they’d do to you!”

His brows knit together, staring at me, not blinking. I guess my wish was granted since he finally stopped disguising his true fear.

“Salena, please. Stay here, I’m going in.”

I almost let him go. Almost.

Too bad for him, I yanked him by the mask tails and pulled his stunned face back to face me. 

“Hey, wh-”

“Alright, listen. I know whoever these guys are, they’re dangerous as fuck. I know I’m nowhere near as skilled of a fighter as you and I probably never will be. And I know I am way in over my head about this. But none of that matters to me.” 

He kept quiet. So I continued. “What matters is that I’m your friend. Friends don’t let each other jump into losing battles, okay? You’re hurt, Leo. Please, just let me help you.”

I looked up at the sky. The clouds are covering the moon now and should stay that way for a little while. I could take advantage of the newfound darkness. 

I stood on the ledge, mentally preparing myself to reignite the flames. Sure, I talked big about being able to handle myself and whatnot but I’m just trying to fool myself into thinking I’m not scared. If I can keep myself level-headed and use my sickles, I’ll be able to stay invisible for a short bit. If I play my cards right, that should be all I need.

I felt a hand grab my wrist. Turning around, I readied myself to once again reassure Leo I’d be fine but stopped when he put something in my palm. I recognize them, they’re tanto knives.

“Hey.” His smile is forced but not disingenuous. 

“You’ve got this.”

So off I went with the last little push I needed. The cool night air feels fantastically refreshing on my skin. Every leap leaves me more confident I’ll succeed. I have to. He needs someone he knows he can depend on. 

I scouted around and found an open window to sneak back in through. Judging by how crazy strong these guys are, my best bet is the element of surprise and for these oversized lethal boomerangs to actually work in my favor. Which they hadn’t before. But nothing’s ever hopeless. The reflection off the moon was their main source of light, with the clouds hiding it now and my knowledge of the floor’s layout, I think I might have a working plan this time.

I rushed over to the balcony I was at previously, this time being more cautious of any look-outs. There were three of them up here so I’m glad I didn’t choose the reckless route. I took my sickles out my backpack, breathed in, and turned invisible. A little harder to do since my nerves haven’t completely disappeared but it’s going smoother than before. 

I snuck up to the soldier at the back of the trio, covering his mouth and dragging him to the dark, knocking him out shortly after. His two buddies were a piece of cake after that, hit one with a blunt-force sickle and take the other by hand at the same time. No one noticed a thing. 

With the balcony cleared, I reclaimed my little sighting spot and looked over the entire floor, making note of every nook and cranny I could hide in. The clan’s focus changed since last time, they’re trying to get out as fast as possible. Seems like they’re taking Leo’s katanas with them since Lieutenant Itchy McSore-Throat was holding onto them.

“All of you hurry up! We must get out of here!”

I spotted the stolen mannequin in the distance. It’s actually not too far and surprisingly not removed. The two leaders seem distracted by someone. Perfect timing. I crept down and started taking out some more soldiers, listening in to the conversation at the same time. 

“What about getting all the mystic metal we can?” That’s a new voice.

“Forget the metal, we’ve got enough for today. We need to leave or that turtle will bring reinforcements!” 

“Yeah, sure, whatever makes ya happy, boss.” 

“You better not be questioning my authority.”

“Our authority, he means. We’ve had your type before, and they grew to be traitors. I suggest you don’t test the patience of the Foot ‘cause it’s growin’ thin.”

“Nice phrasing! Even if you shouldn’t have interrupted me.” I can’t tell if these two have workplace tension or workplace bromance anymore. “But he’s right. You’d do well to remember your place, rookie.” 

“Hey, I wasn’t tryna question anything guys. Just sayin’ maybe we should’ve planned this better in case we got caught.”

“So you may be right. We’ll keep it in mind but work on your delivery when it comes to criticism. Now quickly, go join the others.”

“Can I at least hold the magic swords?”

“No.”

She grumbled and left through the door, likely exiting the building. Her attitude was a pleasant surprise. I’ll admit, I kinda assumed all the Foot soldiers had brain-numbing levels of obedience. 

The clouds were clearing up, though. The moonlight brightened the room back up, I can’t use the darkness for cover much longer. Alas, if only I knew how to use my literal invisibility powers for longer than a few seconds but you know what? This is genuinely perfectly okay. I’ve taken out enough of them to only leave a few left standing, not to mention the majority of them are already out the building. I gotta take these freaks head on if I wanna get Leo’s swords. No more hide and seek.

I let the light illuminate me. 

“Hey guys!~” I waved gleefully as the Foot idiots finally noticed my presence. “Remember me? Hope it hasn’t been too long.”

“You!” The Brute turned to me first. “You’re the Hamato ally from earlier!”

“What are you doing here! Why have you returned!”

“You sure have a way of asking questions that makes them feel like statements. Anyway, I’m here to collect something you stole from my friend.”

He gripped the swords as he scowled at me. I held my own sickles tighter.

“You foolish child! You leave us no choice but take you out permanently.”

“Oh, really now? You and what army.”

I scoffed when I caught his expression change. Everyone looked at each other, noting how very few of them are suddenly in the room. So distracted they barely noticed me going for my first blow. 

He quickly got ready to block me with Leo’s weapon, absolutely bewildered when I only zoomed past him and sliced at the leg of another soldier behind him. It wasn’t too deep but poor guy was still rendered useless. I dashed to my left at another soldier, dodging his attack and punching right up his chin. 

“What’s going on!? Those sickles were dull the last time she used ‘em!”

 

“They must be mystic…” 

“Right you are, Lieutenant! I kept them dull on purpose, my mistake.” 

I threw a tanto at a cultist’s shoulder. 

“You threw Leo out a window. I think you can bear to see some blood.”

One by one, I went around the room, sprinting past anyone chasing after me and immobilizing anyone with their guard down. I got in a groove good enough to keep myself progressing along while getting out my rage. I wasn’t kidding before, I would’ve kept my blades dull again. I’m still careful to not do anything fatal but I’m not gonna be exactly merciful, either. They deserve this.

Fighting felt like dancing, gliding across the room in an energetic fashion. I’m not crazy enough to go for the Lieutenant or Brute which ended up being a plus for me. They was more than ready to protect themselves, but not their team. At last, I got them all exactly where I needed them. 

Alright, stay calm. Turn invisible no matter what.

My sickles shone with a pink glow, allowing me to disappear from their sight. I scampered past them, reaching the bejeweled mannequin behind them. It feels a little different? But there isn’t any concrete proof for this so my brain’s just tricking me. Whatever, no time to lose. I shoved it in my bag, getting myself used to the weight, and aimed a sickle at his arm.

 

“Where’d she go!?”

“Stay alert! Don’t let her catch you off guard!” 

A bit late for that buddy. 

My blade sliced through, leaving a massive gash on his arm. He screamed and dropped Leo’s sword. I ran through, catching it just as I became visible again. I snatched the other one as quickly as possible and sprinted to create some distance.

I held my arm up to my face, making good use of the wraps’ built-in comms. “Leo! Heads up!”

I threw a katana out the window, smashing the glass as it flew outside. I stopped in my tracks with a smirk. I knew we won.

I dodged the last attacks of the night, accelerating faster than I realized I could go. “Well folks, this was quite a fun match! Hope to never see you again!” Blue light sparked across my body. I leapt in the air, gave a quick peace sign purely to piss ‘em off, and bid my farewell.

“Toodles~”

Teleportation isn’t actually too bad if you know it’s coming.

The cool night air returned on my skin. I was floating for a few seconds before crashing to the roof on my knees. I didn’t even care about the pain, I was too busy enjoying the hug I received for my success! 

“I DID IT! I FUCKING DID IT! WOOHOO!!!”

“Celebrations later, escaping now! Come on!” 

Leo dragged me up and pulled us through another portal.

***

“We are the champions!~

“Gone with the losers ‘cause we are the champions!” 

I handed another slice of pizza to Leo, half the box pepperoni for him and the other half plain cheese for me. We already dropped off the mannequin back to the museum and I gave an anonymous tip to 911 so now we’re simply chilling on the roof singing to celebrate our victorious night. I’m honestly still hyper as hell over it.

“I can’t believe we actually did it! I can’t believe I actually did it! Salena one, Foot Clan NONE BABY, FUCK YEA!”

“Man, I am so happy you came out okay. You have no idea how relieved I was when I saw you again.” He bit into the cheese, the least stressed I’ve seen him all night.

I couldn’t realize it earlier but that hug he gave wasn’t for my success. It’s clear to me now.

“Leo?”

“Hm?” He looked towards me as he bit into the cheese.

“Thanks for trusting me.”

He mirrored my smile. “Hey, we’re friends, right? That’s what I’m here for.”

The spring breeze feels so sweet. The view of the city is rewarding as always. A safe city, a safe night. I can see why they’re so into this whole hero gig. Everything about this moment feels absolutely perfect.

Buzz! Buzz!

I swear to god if my fucking phone’s gonna ruin it again. I quickly checked the notif to see if it was anything important. To my surprise, it’s Jaiden.

They sent me a text. The first one in weeks. It’s a dumb meme I saw earlier today.

We used to do this a lot in the past. Whenever we got into a fight, it’d be our way of ending it. We could never stay mad at each other for more than a day. In the past at least.

I guess this means they’re not mad at me anymore.

“Everything okay?” Leo stared at me, probably concerned by my change in demeanor. 

I double tapped to like Jaiden’s meme and put my phone away, going back to normal.

“It’s nothing important. Just, uh, highschool stuff. You wouldn’t get it.”

He laughed “Oh, okay, well. I know I’m too fabulous to be the average, uncool, normal teen guy doing normal teen things like going to highschool that you want right now but…”

“If you ever need someone to lend a shoulder, you know who to call.”

He’s an idiot, but a very sweet one when he wants to be. 

“Thanks, Leo, but I mean it this time. It’s nothing.” I raised up my slice to request a toast of some sorts. “Let’s go back to celebrating, shall we?”

He let out a satisfied chuckle, returning my toast. I didn’t wanna let anything ruin the way I felt tonight, even if their text tainted the vibe a bit. But hey, it’s technically a win, too! I got my confirmation that Jaiden and I are indeed still friends.

Though I gotta admit, I’m not as happy as I thought I’d be.

Next Chapter

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

On The Hunt: Run Run Little One

Summary- 1.8k Alpha Steve Rogers x Little One. You are navigating a life unbonded and without your mate.

Warnings- There is no Steve in this chapter, it is dedicated entirely to our Reader. I felt our reader deserved her own chapter showing how she is handling life after Steve left. It is heavy on angst.

A/N- Well I had the hardest time with them after what happened. Seriously, I broke my own heart with that ending and tried to pick up the pieces after that... I needed to mourn it in my own way I guess. But let's see what happens. Thank you to everyone who ever followed The Pack series, and had a deep love for Alpha Steve and Little One. Please don't give up on them. Dividers made by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist

You turned the last bolt and pushed up from the engine, peeking around the hood to a teenager sitting in the driver's seat. “Turn the key Parker.” 

“Yes, Ma’am.” He said respectfully, which you hid a grin at the young wolf. Still, a pup, displaced from his home, he tried so hard to belong. You immediately liked the kid and found him smart with all the technological stuff. Sam was smart to quickly recruit him to help keep the equipment running while most of the pack went back into the logging business, trying to keep them afloat while they all tried to recover from what happened. 

The truck shuddered to life, Peter giving a fist pump in victory. “I knew we would get it Y/N! And Sam thought we were going to have to junk it.” 

“He should have more faith in us.” You agreed while closing the heavy hood with a loud bang and started putting away the garages tools, Peter gathered others scattered around, handing them off to you. You noticed his glance continuing to drift back to the back of the garage but you ignored it. There was nothing back there for anyone.  

“Hey, what's up with that truck under the sheet in the back? Does that one need to be fixed?”

You felt a tremor roll through you because underneath that oversized sheet was Lenore. Steve’s precious truck that he left behind. It was something that you couldn’t bring yourself to go back to look at, the truck had so many memories that still hurt. When you returned back, Sam had it already stored away, another sign that Steve was gone. 

It felt like a lifetime ago and just yesterday all at once. 

Your Little Wolf whined at the sudden change in you, trying to keep you from sinking back into those feelings of a broken heart. “That one isn't to be touched, it is out of commission,” you said sharper than you meant to, unable to mask the anger and hurt that Lenore brought up in you, Peter snapped his mouth shut from any more questions, picking up the clear warning in your voice. A soft thump against the garage entrance broke you from your tension.  

Sam made his way into the garage to check on their progress. “Is it ready?”

“Yup, Parker took one look and figured it out.” Your tone changed from earlier, one that said you were happy and content. A lie. The Little Wolf yipped happily as the teenager blushed at the praise, rolling his thin shoulders. 

“It was really just a guess.” 

“Well when you save us from having to purchase a new truck Peter, you helped us out a lot with your guess.”  

“You keep bringing the equipment you guys deem can’t be fixed. I will put money on this kid making it work better then before.” You winked at Peter, who was scoffing at the praise, red in the face. 

You bowed out of the conversation, leaving the garage to head to Natasha’s cabin. Peter waited till you were gone before speaking privately to Sam. “I’m worried I might have upset Y/N by asking about that truck in the back.” 

Sam sighed sympathetically. “Don’t worry about it Kid. That was Steve’s truck and he is a sore subject for Y/N, you didn’t know.” He pointed to the engine. “How about you show me what you did so I can fix it myself next time.”

As soon as you stepped into Natasha’s home, you started stripping from your sweaty dirty clothes, feeling much too sensitive. The shower called your name, and when you stepped into it, your head tilted back to let the water stream over your face, rivulets of grime that came with working on equipment brought. The Little Wolf seemed to feel more relaxed, grooming herself in your mind just as you started to scrub yourself clean. 

<I think you scared that kid when he asked about the truck.>

Your mouth twisted at her observation, you certainly hadn't meant to. Peter didn’t know anything about your broken bond with Steve. He just caught me off guard with the question. 

<Eventually people are going to start talking about him. We can’t avoid discussing him forever.> 

That made you snarl, whisking the last of the soap and shampoo off. You didn’t want to talk about your mate. It had been months and it still stung, broke your heart, and reminded you of the bond you lost and the man who you still loved with that said broken heart. 

“I’m asking you, as your mate to not do this, don’t shut me out from you. Sending me away from you won’t keep me any safer than before.” 

“Ever since you have been with me, you have been hurt Y/N. When have I ever actually been able to keep you safe? I already freed you from me Little One.” He paused at the door, his hand on the door handle, and pushed through, never once looking back at you.

The memory was an onslaught that made you sob out in the streaming water, mixing with your tears. Watching him just walk away and holding out hope he would turn around, tell you that you two would figure it out. He didn’t. You waited so long till Natasha came to you, telling you he left. 

He really was gone. The hardest part was you couldn’t hate him because of it. You knew he held himself responsible for what happened to you and was doing it because he was scared of ever hurting you, that he couldn’t protect you like he promised he would. 

The Little Wolf brushed against you for comfort till you felt control again. She dropped the conversation, but you already knew what she was going to say. 

That you had a home already, the cabin that Steve let you make into your home sat vacant and dark, waiting for either of its people to return. Maybe it’s time to return home, and start healing from everything that had happened. 

It was just too hard. 

You needed to take your mind away from the past, you needed to run and play before leaving the pack once again.

The Little Wolf spanked the ground in front of the black yearling, yipping at him to play with you. Peter was cautious, pretending to be uninterested in what you were trying to entice him into but he soon broke, giving chase after the Little Wolf, who swiftly took off. 

You had the advantage of knowing these trails with all the twists and turns, the thick underbrush you could hide in and attack the younger wolf. You ducked into the blackberry brambles, your thick fur keeping the thorns from pricking you, and the sweet fruit was fragrant enough to hide your scent. Lowering to the ground, you waited, patiently. 

Soon the black wolf breezed past, his nose to the ground and circling with deep inhales. A confused growl rolled from him as he twisted back, having lost the trail. Your tail twitched, and your muscles flexed with anticipation to leap. When he stuck his nose in the hole where you darted into, your paw thumped the tip, making him fall back and you pushed out, knocking him over with playful yips and licks to his face.

Taking off again, Peter scrambled after you, picking up speed with his lighter yearling body. You took his challenge, picking up speed to lead him to fallen logs that lay decaying in the path. Your hind legs powered beneath you, sending you easily soaring over them where Peter had to skid in his surprise at the sudden obstacle, losing seconds in making his jump. 

It was freeing, to feel the bursts of forest floor shoot underneath you as you leveled yourself, streamline racing through the last of the woods till you burst onto a stony beach, twisting to tackle Peter and roll him into the edge of the lake. Tumbling together till splashes of water soaked you, you and Peter both stumbled out of the cold lake to shake the water off and in a peaceful lope, trotted onto the beach, panting to catch their breath. Both dripping wet, the Little Wolf started to run a tongue against the pup's ears, chewing out the debris that got caught in his fur. He grumbled in agitation at being taken care of but rolled his head this way and that for you to do so. After all, it was so reminiscent of his mother taking care of him that he wasn’t going to stop you. 

A howl sounded up, calling the wolves all back, and the Alpha compel in it made Peter whine, having to trot away from you. You chose to ignore it, watching as Peter left you the way you two came. Pushing up off the stony beach, you started following the water's edge, able to weave back and forth as the gentle waves rippled on the shore with the wind blowing. The cool autumn was starting to touch pack lands, the trees hinting at the color changing with bites of yellows and reds. 

Other pack mates answered, there ‘I’m here, I’m here” location cry, but none of them had the deep boom of the Alpha you so desperately missed. 

Returning back to Natasha’s, you dashed past the redhead who was lounging on her porch, face tilted to the twilight sky just starting to edge the treeline. After changing back and slipping on your clothes, you made your way outside, a bag slung over your shoulder. Dropping it near one of the chairs, you slipped into it. 

It was quiet between you and Natasha for a few minutes until she stirred in her chair to finally face you while you too admired the night sky, recalling happier times when your Little Wolf sang her Alpha’s song. “Time for you to leave again?” 

You gave a wistful smile, nodding. “Yeah, I’ve been here longer than I intended already. T’Challa won’t care but…” You shrugged, finally turning your gaze back to knowing green eyes and a sad smile. “I’m still trying to figure out what I want in life. Helping the Panthers find their stolen, gives me a purpose right now.”

“Y/N” Natasha reached over to grasp your hand, squeezing tightly. “You have a home here, a purpose, all those things. You are family, always will be.” You nodded at her words, tears building in the corner of your eyes but refusing to spill. “But I know you have to do this. Just come home when you can?” 

“Of course, I will, keep your couch free for me?” 

“Well, you could just take the damn bed woman. Not like I’m here all that much either.” Natasha laughed and you pushed to a stand. She followed suit, you both embracing in a goodbye hug. “Stay safe Malen'kiy volk, don't make me come to Wakanda to save your ass.” 

“You can come, but to hook up with that panther again.” 

Natasha gave a wicked smirk and arch of her brow. “Now that is tempting indeed.” 

You laughed before one last hug. Grabbing your bag, you headed off the steps. Stark's was a few hour's drive and he already was expecting you in the morning to send you back to Wakanda. 

It hurt to leave, but it hurt to stay too much.

[ao3-oner]

you are such an amazing reader i've slammed through all your works in the past few days. i simply cannot get enough! what are some of your favourite fics from lol rpf (not gwen because i've consumed all of her content too lol) ?

Lmao thank you for the compliment! I'm going to assume that you meant "amazing writer," but we'll see if my fic recs are good enough to prove me a passable reader as well!

ALSO YOU DID NOT NEED TO CLOCK ME AS A GWEN FANBOY OKAY lol, it's a completely accurate assessment of what my list would have looked like without your specification but damn. I guess I'll shut up about her. Her fics are so good, though...

I'll do it like this: if you've read all my works, then you're familiar with my core four ships (GK, OZ, CS, and RL), so I'll recommend two fics for each of those ships, plus two Gen fics because imo all Gen fics need more love. I'll limit myself to doing one fic per author because there are too many talented fic writers in this fandom to count, and I'll also try to make one fic for each ship more lh while the other can be angstier (since Idk which you'd prefer). Also disclaimer that I will only be including English fics in this list - I have dabbled in Google translate and thoroughly enjoyed some of the non-English fics I've read, but I do not feel comfortable recommending them as someone who cannot understand the original language. Hopefully, you'll find some stuff on here that you like!

Let's start with the GuKe (the inability to recommend Gwen's fics is absolutely killing me here):

no rules in breakable heaven by Maria Swift, Rated T, 12,000 words (you will need to be logged in to AO3 to read this one)

This was one of the first fics in the fandom I ever read and I absolutely loved it. It's meetcute college AU GuKe with a side of "and they were roommates" that's just very fun and entertaining to read. Definitely a great feel-good fic and one that I've returned to a handful of times when I need a pick-me-up. Super well-written, as well.

Phantom, Be Still In My Heart by seralove, Unrated (there is some sensitive content but nothing too graphic), 10,500 words

I was lucky enough to read this fic when it first came out and ohhhh my God did it make me feel things. This is canon (well, not quite) Worlds GuKe with a healthy portion of angst, and the descriptions are all very emotional. This fic kind of ruined me, in a good way, so just be prepared for that and definitely give it a read.

For the One2eus fics, I have the pleasure of recommending two of my favorite fic writers in the entire fandom:

lightning storm by sightstone (symmetrophobic), Rated T, 8,500 words

Reading this fic was part of what inspired me to start writing for this fandom in the first place. It's cute, it's sweet, it's absolutely hilarious - I laughed out loud multiple times while reading it. Definitely check out the other works by sightstone, too, especially her ongoing GuKe fae fic that currently has me brainrotting like crazy.

just look at me now (i'm lovesick) by screamtail, Rated E for smut, 3,500 words

Honestly, all of screamtail's works are iconic and recommendable, but for some reason, this one stuck with me a bit more than the others. I think it's probably the angst undertone and the brilliant descriptions that really made it stick in my mind. It explores the OZ dynamic from Zeus's perspective while offering some high-quality pwp content, so what's not to love?

Now if you're a CanMaker fan like me, you've probably already read all of the English fics in the tag (as you should, as have I), but I'll shoutout some of my personal favorites here:

we're magnetized (I admit it) by dustedpeach, Rated T, 15,000 words

I did not know how desperately I needed cat cafe AU Gen.G in my life until I read this fic. There could be a 100 volume series solely about this AU cafe and all of its shenanigans and I would eat up every chapter of it. In addition to the world building being truly visionary, the CanShow content is (naturally) super adorable and I will always love Canyon being a simp.

If only time were kinder by Chastelove, Rated T, 3,000 words

Speaking of fics that messed me up, Christ, my heart after reading this! Idk how I'm going to be okay. I might not. It's just... Apocalypse AU CanMaker. That's it. Read it. Please. I can't suffer alone anymore-

Since both of these recs are from AUs, if you're looking for more canon CanMaker (CanonMaker??), or if you're looking for something a bit spicier, I'd definitely recommend snow by chovying as well. It's another amazing and adorable fic, and the only reason that I didn't recommend it above is that it felt like a copout answer to push a fic that was gifted to me - like of course I love that fic! You should definitely read it and give it all the kudos in the world, though.

Finally (for the ship fics, at least), we have my beloved RuLehends. Much like CanMaker, true fans of this ship will have already read all of the English fics on AO3 for it, but I'll still take the opportunity to squeal about some of them:

told you so by Aurelion8(Monochrome01), Rated E for smut, 2,000 words

On its own, this is a short, sweet and smutty pwp fic, but I am once again encouraging you to read all of the fics by this writer because there are only three of them but they all go insanely hard - especially we're still here, but really 3/3 are bangers. The reason I specifically recommended told you so was that it's like... the closest RuLehends ever gets to not being angsty? Lmao, these two really just have angst and smut encoded into their dynamic. But seriously, you should read all three of Aurelion8's fics. They are hot and lovely and I am eagerly awaiting whenever they post next.

i feel it burning me (i feel it burning you) by speaktothemoon, Rated M for implied sexual content (imho it could prob be T), 12,500 words

Ughhh this fic is just so good. It does such an excellent job of capturing the complex and heartbreaking relationship that Siwoo and Jaehyuk share while diving into what happened behind closed doors in 2022. I may have cried while reading it. Tears of joy but also sorrow because wtf... these two really will be the death of me.

Last but certainly not least, we have a pair of Gen fics aka shipless fics that I cannot recommend enough! Honestly, this category was the hardest to pick two from by far, but here's what I have for you:

In which T1 accidentally summons the Unkillable Demon King by ginger_owl, Unrated (for violence purposes), 35,500 words and ongoing

Ginger is 100% another writer who you should just click the account name for and read everything on there - her Star Guardian AU, Welcome to Summoner's Rift, it's all brilliant beyond words. The reason I chose this fic specifically is it's the first one I read (also one of the first LoL RPF fics I ever read) and that makes me nostalgic for it. It's basically what it says on the tin - high school AU where ZOGK are students and they summon the demon Faker. The worldbuilding and characterizations in her fics are always a highlight, and I'd strongly recommend reading through her entire corpus!

they light candles in rome by keres (DeerGoBonk), Rated G, 9,000 words + an 18,000 word in-depth analysis in chapter 2 because legend???

Okay as someone who's a bit of a mythology nerd... this fic made me think for a very long time. It is gorgeous and tragic and definitely worth reading through multiple times. It will make you think, then if you read keres's own analysis in the following chapter it will make you think even more. It's indescribable, really, so just def go read it for yourself!

I've just realized that both of those recs are T1-centric (but honestly, aren't most fics in the fandom?) but so are all of the other Gen fics I wanted to recommend, so.... if you're looking for non-T1, non-romance-based fics, might I recommend Metro Lines and Their Prismatic Tears? :3

God, this is making me think that I should write more platonic fics... Like Master Yourself (Master Your Enemy) was supposed to be Gen, but then the CanShow leaked into it a bit too much... honestly though? I should change that back to being marked as Gen. Platonic Lucid & Canyon is still very much the central relationship there. I'm also proud of myself for writing How It Feels to Chew 5 Gum... 2024 KT Rolster, I will miss you dearly... You should also read the mouth of the wolf, the eyes of the lamb by this excellent author named gw- *Jhin 4th shot comes through the window*

One more thing: it didn't fit into any of my arbitrary above categories, but my favorite ongoing fic/the fic that I'm currently most excited to keep reading is definitely:

off with your head by oathsworn (onelastchence), KiinCuzz with background Bddker, Rated E for death and violence, 12,000 words and ongoing

The Netflix adaptation of Alice in Borderlands is one of my favorite live action shows of all time, so needless to say I am eagerly seated for an LoLRPF AU/retelling of the story. The writing and narrative has been incredible so far, and I would love to recruit more readers to join me on the journey that is reading this fic!

Thanks for the ask! I sincerely hope you enjoy all of these fics as much as I have, and please don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts on all of them. Also, remember to leave kudos and comments on all of the fics you do enjoy, because it really means a lot to the writers and they all deserve more love than I alone could possibly offer them <3

Have a nice night, and happy Halloween!!

[bookloure]

I hesitate to call whatever this it is I’m writing here as book reviews, so I guess tawagin ko na lang silang #ReadingJourney. So ayun, here’s my reading journey with RM Topacio-Aplaon’s “Topograpiya ng Lumbay.”

Based on this book alone, I find a lot of similarities between RM Topacio-Aplaon’s writing and themes to Haruki Murakami. In my head, I see him as a “grounded Murakami.”

Topograpiya ng Lumbay follows three lonely people whose lives intersect because of a horrific event that coincided with Yolanda. In the span of a week or so, we follow their journey to unearth the past and, more importantly, find themselves. It’s one of those nothing-really-happens book. The reader just follows these lonely characters to places and listens to their pseudo-deep conversations. As I said, very Murakami-esque.

Another (unfortunate) similarity between RM and Haruki is how they write women. The fetishization of thin, lithe women is all over the novel. In more than one scene, Melody, who has a ‘maliit na suso’ at ‘mapupulang tuhod,’ masturbates for nothing but to cater to the male gaze. (I’m just tired of it. Having read a lot of women authors, I am highly sensitive to these things now. And I’m glad I am. I wouldn’t have noticed all of these bullshit when I was sixteen, and that’s sinister.)

That said, there were enough interesting elements in the novel to keep me going. It touched on topics that I thought were interesting. I can rally behind the body horror-ish vibes of the book. There are many scenes where the gross bodily fluids and functions were underscored. Clearly, may pinaglalaban din si RM pagdating sa depiction ng kadiring mga bagay na ginagawa ng mga katawan natin sa mga nobela. Merong mga pangugulangot, pagkamot ng bayag, pag-amoy ng hininga etc. At masasabi ko namang na-enjoy ko yung grossness.

There were moments when characters were used as mouthpieces. And I thought hindi ganon ka-elegant yung pagka-insert ng mga opinyon nya sa narrative. For one, RM has some strong opinions about Filipino readers who seem to prefer English novels, which I do not agree with. I tend to give Filipinos more grace just because our colonial past, our government, and the systems here are shit.

It’s the novel’s political dimension that I enjoyed the most. It felt to me like I was let in on a secret. I should say tho, that all the horrific scenes happen around this political dimension; there’s torture, mutilation, and bestiality (which thankfully was not depicted in a graphic way.) And I know that politics in rural areas of the country are violent—who can ever forget the Maguindanao Massacre?—but it’s important to be reminded.

Overall, this is not a favorite book, but I’m not giving up on RM Topacio Aplaon yet. (hello, cognitive dissonance!) I still have two of his books that I want to read before I can say for sure that he’s not the author for me.

May pakiramdam akong maiinis si RM Topacio Aplaon na Ingles ‘tong review ko ng libro nya, but whatever.

[royalvelvette]

devil to you, angel to me (what am i then)

Read on Ao3

Rating: Mature

Characters: Charlie Morningstar, Vaggie Minor Appearances: Razzle, Dazzle

Warnings: Broken Bones, Aftermath of Violence, Injury Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Death Wish, Hurt No Comfort, Non-Graphic Violence The suicidal feelings/death wish are from Vaggie, starting in Charlie's second POV and continuing into Vaggie's following that. There's no way to get around it due to it being the source of the fight, unfortunately. I recommend skipping this one if you're sensitive to such topics.

There is a summary of the story in the end notes on Ao3, for those curious/wanting to know more of what they're getting into.

Word Count: 1571

It was day number three of living with the strange demon who seemed intent on nursing her back to health, and Vaggie was... confused. The demon defied all of Vaggie’s expectations – everything she had ever known about her kind. She hadn’t asked for anything in return for... taking care of Vaggie; not even for the bandages she had used to wrap her eye in the alley. She hadn’t tried to take a pound of flesh for Vaggie getting vomit on her pants. She left Vaggie alone when Vaggie snapped at her, and steamrolled over all of her attempts to even hint at payment.

(Help like this couldn’t be free. Not here. Not from one of them.)

And it wasn’t like the demon was just a sinner. No; if Vaggie had to guess, the demon who she now lived with was one of the ones called an overlord, or at least close to one. The bedroom Vaggie was being kept in could only be described as opulent , with its high ceiling and large windows. The ensuite had a tub that almost rivalled the one all exorcist buildings were fitted with, and the decor almost reminded Vaggie of the few times she had been within the city gates aside from the colour scheme. Plus, from the quick looks out the door Vaggie snuck whenever the demon left for the night, the building they were in was huge. From her doorway alone, Vaggie could count at least six other rooms. If the demon keeping her wasn’t an overlord herself, she was definitely one’s favoured soul. There was just... one problem with that, one thing that pointed to her being an overlord outright.

Favoured souls usually had no power of their own, and therefore, no servants – except for maybe an imp. Nothing like the two flying goat creatures that followed her hostess like ducklings. The thought that Vaggie was at the mercy of an overlord...

...was terrifying.

Vaggie had only had the misfortune to come across an overlord once. It was a sinner so twisted by power that she could barely recognize it as something once-human, even more than the other sinners. It had taken the combined efforts of Vaggie, Lute, and several others to finally bring that... thing down.

(She could still remember the discordant snap of Lute’s wing fracturing as she was thrown at the ground too fast to correct or catch herself; it was the only year Adam had ever had the highest kill count, before or since.)

Charlie hummed as she prepared Vaggie’s lunch. She still wasn’t used to cooking, not really, but Razzle was a reassuring presence at her shoulder, correcting her when she tried to add too much of something, and Dazzle was always ready with whatever she needed before she even realized she needed it; with them at her side, the process went pretty smoothly.

(She pretended not to notice Razzle and Dazzle sneaking bites whenever they thought she wasn’t looking – there was more than enough food to go around.)

Charlie stepped back, hands on her hips to observe the tray. It wouldn’t win any awards any time soon, but it had a lot of protein which would be good for Vaggie’s healing process! Probably. Maybe she should actually call Auntie Belphagor, or maybe Bee, to figure out what would help the best. At the very least, it probably wouldn’t do Vaggie any harm.

Razzle churred inquisitively.

“Huh?” Charlie shook her head. “Oh, I’m just thinking, Razzle. Do you think I should call Auntie Belphagor and see if there’s anything specific I should be feeding her..?”

Razzle shrugged, clicking.

Charlie sighed. “No, I shouldn’t bother her, you’re right. I’ll just... wait and see. If Vaggie doesn’t seem to be getting better though...”

Dazzle hrrred, shaking the bottle of painkillers imported directly from Sloth.

“Just one today,” Charlie said, picking up the tray of food after Dazzle shook out the requisite one pill. “Thanks, guys.”

Dazzle bonked against her left shoulder while Razzle bonked her right.

“I better get this up to her. I hear routines are good for limiting stress...”

Vaggie looked up from the paper she was sketching on as humming approached from beyond the door, a surefire way to know a meal was on its way.

(She had never been much of a drawer, but there wasn’t much to do in her the room.)

Like clockwork, there was a sharp knock on her door shortly after she had noticed the humming. The demon never just barged in, even though there wasn’t much Vaggie could do to stop her.

“Vaggie?” a familiar voice called. “I have lunch for you.”

Vaggie debated with herself for a moment, before calling out, “It’s open.”

The demon entered, balancing a tray of food as she did so. The two little goats were absent from her side, surprisingly.

“Just set it down,” Vaggie said, turning her attention back to her doodling.

The demon listened, setting it on top of the nightstand, but she didn’t leave like she normally did when Vaggie indicated disinterest. Vaggie sighed and set her pencil down. That probably meant she would have to... talk to the demon, to get her to leave.

(She wasn’t going to eat with the demon in the room with her. Who knows if she’d be allowed to finish?)

The demon cleared her throat. “There’s, uh, a painkiller with it,” she said quietly. “How... how are you feeling, overall?”

“Fine,” Vaggie said.

“Your eye doesn’t hurt?” the demon pressed.

Vaggie grit her teeth, biting back her instinctive response. “Not so much. The bite hurts the most, right now.”

The demon winced, glancing at where Vaggie’s arm – where one of the goats had bitten her that first day – was hidden under the sleeve of the too-big sweater she was wearing. “I’m sorry about that,” she said. “Razzle is just... protective. But everything else is... okay? Your back-”

Vaggie didn’t want to talk about her back, not when... not with a demon. Not with this demon.

“Why do you even care?” Vaggie snapped.

The demon flinched back. “I just – it looked really bad- I care!” she stuttered.

Vaggie gave her the coldest look she could muster. “You’re a demon,” she said.

Charlie resisted the urge to flinch again, but barely. The way Vaggie said the word demon reminded her of the way some sinners sneered princess at her.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care,” she tried. “I-”

“Yes, it does! ” Vaggie exploded. “Demons can’t care! Because if you care, if demons care, then that means-” she cut herself off with a ragged gasp.

Charlie waited. It was clear that Vaggie had more that she wanted to say; Charlie could give her the space to say it, even if it hurt.

“Why do you care?” Vaggie asked again.

This time, as an actual question, instead of just aiming to hurt with her words. Her eyes were big, and wet, and she looked so utterly hopeless as she asked the question...

(Delicious, something inside of Charlie hissed.)

Charlie sighed. “I guess... it’s not that I care, exactly,” she hedged (even though she did, she cared so much for her people, but it was clear Vaggie wasn’t going to accept that right now). “It’s... everyone deserves help when they need it. And you needed help.”

Vaggie was very, very still when she answered. “I didn’t deserve help,” she said. “I should have died.”

Charlie reared back. “Don’t say that!”

“But it’s true!” Vaggie said, standing from the desk chair with enough force to knock it over. “I should have died in that alley!”

“Vaggie-” Charlie tried, but Vaggie wouldn’t hear it.

“They left me to-”

Vaggie cut herself off with a gasp again. She had nearly said too much in her outburst – she doubted the demon would keep helping her if she knew exactly what she was helping. She panted harshly.

“Vaggie...” the demon said.

Vaggie turned away, hugging herself. “I just... I don’t understand,” she said plaintively. “I deserved to die; why am I still alive...?”

A hand – demonic – tipped in familiar claws landed on her shoulder. The demon Charlie gently spun her around, looking down at Vaggie with compassion.

“It’s not about what we deserve ,” she said quietly, with such conviction that Vaggie didn’t even consider interrupting. “You don’t need to deserve help to get it, Vaggie. I’m helping you because I want to.”

“But why?!” Vaggie cried. “Why – why do you want to help me when-! When...”

(When Lute gouged her eye out, despite it being Vaggie who hauled her through the portal when her wing was broken. When Adam turned his back despite barely letting Vaggie out of his sight after the overlord. When her wings were stolen, cut away, banishing her forevermore to be surrounded by those she was meant to kill.

When Charlie was a demon, and Vaggie was something even worse than that.)

“I want to,” Charlie said again. “I... don’t like seeing people die if I can help it.”

Vaggie was silent, all of the fight leaving her at once. She deflated against Charlie, who cradled her against her chest like Vaggie was worth something even though she was worth less than nothing. What could Vaggie say in the face of such conviction?

Nothing. So she stayed silent, and let Charlie carry her to bed without protest, and ate her food even though it tasted like ash in her mouth.

[the-scouts-codex]

Summary: “Yay I win!” Kalim cheered.  Jamil was confused. “Huh? That means you have to think of something…oh no.”  Kalim beamed even more. “Party at Scarabia!

Scout's Notes: Hello everyone. Guess what this is.( After months of this not being finished that it isn't even funny anymore) That's right, Part four, the final part of "Party at the Oasis" is finally here! This is Part four of my third work here on Tumblr, "Party at the Oasis!" The word count will be determined once the entire work has been completed. That being said, I have no clue on how many parts this will need. Also, that would mean that this work will not be on Ao3 until it's completed. Other than that, please enjoy Part four.

Part one, two, and three, are here.

TW: Slight mentions of Azul's past with bullying and anxiety. Nothing major or graphic.

Word count: 14135  (･o･) 

A well deserved rest was needed after their intense game. Whether it be on the sand, under the pavilions or in the water, they decided to just relax. Renmu decided to float around the Oasis in a donut. After that well deserved win, Renmu felt great. He was happy that he wasn’t dead weight to them or useless, He was happy about his win, he was happy to see all their smiling faces when it happened, he was happy that they all congratulated him and that no one was cross with him. It made him truly happy. That feeling was something he had long forgotten back in his own world, something he gave up on trying to feel. The feeling was strange to him yet so welcomed. That feeling of happiness was almost esoteric to Renmu. He never thought he would be able to feel like that one day. But now he could and he didn’t want it to go away. 

“A mark for your thoughts?”

Renmu blinked back into reality and noticed Jade circling around him; like a shark would when stalking its prey. Renmu again wondered how long his body actually was in its natural state. Sure the Tweels were 6 feet tall as humans but what about as mers? 

“Might I say, that was very nice save you pulled off earlier.” Jade said with a smile. “Your win was very much deserved.” 

Renmu smiled softly. “Oh…I-It was nothing really…” 

“You seem to be deep in thought. Perhaps, I can lend you an ear?” Jade offered.

Renmu sighed. He didn’t want to dampen the mood. Everyone was having fun and he didn’t want to start getting too sensitive about things when he was supposed to be happy. But, Renmu guessed talking it out to someone wouldn't hurt. “Just thinking of my life before all of this.” 

Jade stopped circling around the Prefect. “Oh, are you homesick?” 

Renmu shook his head. “Iya, Iya. It’s not like I miss it or anything…It’s that…I have this inapplicable feeling with home. I don’t know what to feel or think about that.” 

Jade nodded. “Then come with me for a moment.” 

Jade dove underwater and grabbed onto Renmu’s hand and maneuvered Renmu through the thick foliage until they were in a small cove in the Oasis. The vegetation made it hard to find and dark, but not too dark to the point you couldn’t see anything. The air around them was also  much cooler thanks to the dense greenery. 

“Azul, can you come out for a second?” Jade asked. 

Renmu didn’t realize that Azul was even in here. The water was too dark to see into for Renmu’s eyes and he couldn’t see where Azul was if he was somewhere on land. The water started to swish back and forth but Jade kept him still. Slowly, Azul’s head emerged from under the waves along with Floyd’s. Azul noticed Renmu and ducked back down. “Jade, I thought I told you to make sure no one followed you in here!” 

“I brought him here. I was hoping you could lend him an ear?” Jade asked. 

Azul could tell that Jade had no ill intent to shame him and that whatever the perfected needed it was something he only wanted them to hear. Azul slowly surfaced to face Renmu. It then occurred to Renmu that the water wasn’t actually dark from the overcrowded vegetation, no, It was because of Azul’s large appendages that sprawled out around him. Each tentacle was huge, not to mention the color of them added to the effect. One of the tentacles wrapped around Renmu’s arm. The feeling was perplexing to say the least. The grip was firm yet soft. Azul frowned and slapped the tentacle with his hand in an attempt for the tentacle to release the Prefect’s arm. The tentacle released its hold but there were now large round marks left on Renmu’s skin. 

Floyd laughed. “Shrimpy got octopus kisses.” 

“Sorry about that…” Azul mumbled. “I can’t always control them…”

Renmu smiled. “Daijoubu desu.”

“What did you two need?” Azul asked. 

“The perfect is feeling rather homesick.” Jade answered 

“Homesick?” Azul asked, confused. 

“It’s not exactly that, it’s…I feel like I should miss it but I don't…” Renmu trailed off.

“Why don’t you miss home?” Azul asked. “ I would imagine from your circumstance that you would.” 

Renmu sighed. “And that’s my problem. I don’t because back at home, I had nothing. I didn’t have friends to talk to, a family to go back home to, or anything to look forward to. So, I don’t exactly miss it but being here, happy, kinda makes me feel sad.”

Azul nodded. “I get that. There are some things about home I think a lot of us wish to forget but then run back to when things get tough. I would know. I have been back home a few times but sometimes, I rather stay up here.” 

“Azul doesn't like to transform back when we get in the water.” Floyd intoned. “It’s why he hates going back.”

Azul frowned. “I have my reasons.” 

“But you still miss doing it right?” Floyd asked. “Like now. You willingly changed back this time because you missed it.”

“Yes there Is nothing wrong with feeling good in your own skin, Azul” Jade said, chiming in.

“That’s easy for you two to say. You two didn’t…well, You two don’t really have a reason to dislike your own skin.” Azul argued. “But yes, I did feel a little “Homesick” if you will.” 

Renmu wanted to ask why Azul hated being in his true form. Renmu felt that he already knew the answer to that though. Renmu dealt with things like that before, in his own world. Yeah coming here he did get one or two altercations or just some haughty students trying to get a reaction out of him. But when it happened here, in this world, it felt different. He wasn’t all that bothered by it. Sure sometimes it did break through the walls he built up, leaving him to patch them back up and wait for the cement to dry, but they didn’t leave gaping holes and lasting marks like the ones back at home left. 

“So what exactly about home do you not miss?” Floyd asked. 

“The people, my school, my circumstances, many things.” Renmu said trailing off. “I’m an orphan so I don’t have a family to go back to. I dropped out at 15 and have worked in a graveyard since. And having a bright future never crossed my mind…” 

“Why’d ya drop out, Shrimpy?” Floyd pressed. 

Renmu didn’t answer. Jade and Azul shot Floyd an unimpressed look. Knowing Floyd, he has no boundaries. He asked questions that might not be asked. He has no filter or knows what’s appropriate or not. Maybe Floyd did know but if he did or didn’t, it didn’t matter to him in the slightest. 

“I was bullied so I just stopped going…” Renmu mumbled.

Their little cove became quiet. Renmu just looked up through the gap between the foliage, looking up and the smattering amount of blue that fought its right to to be seen. Renmu looked back to Azul who had a glint in his eyes that just said “I understand.”, “You don’t have to keep talking.” But Renmu wanted to. He wanted to keep letting all those past things go like the leaves in the wind, to let all the things that he bottled up finally dry up like this Oasis. He didn’t want to have a reason to keep refilling the hole inside him. He wanted it to close up and never open again. 

“Home reminds me of all the bad things.” Renmu mumbled. “Sure, there are some good things but all the bad things make me hate it. It makes me want to never turn back. It makes me-want to stay here. I want to start over here with you all at this school. You guys, make me happy and forget all those bad things. Yet, I feel guilty for not wanting home…” 

Floyd looked lost in the sauce at Renmu’s Soliloquy. Floyd didn’t do deep feelings and heartfelt words. Jade and Azul understood though, especially Azul. He understood that pain. That want, that need, that desire to start all over with new faces that didn’t know of your past, so that they could never bring your past back up to haunt you, to hurt you, to use you. It’s what he’s been doing up here, starting anew to better himself and become someone new. Someone that didn’t get made fun of as a kid for being different and for being sensitive. 

Azul never took Renmu to be the one to want to start over. He thought of him as he thought of Floyd and some others sometimes. Reckless and clueless. Someone that hid behind many masks like Cater, Someone that shut themselves out like Idia. Not once did he think of Renmu like himself. Azul, the boy that was bullied and bottled all his pain to the point it broke him. The boy who wanted to erase the past rather than face it. To pretend it never existed. But that just does more harm than good. 

“I shared too much, didn’t I?” Renmu finally asked. 

“Not at all.” came Jade’s reply. “I feel like you opened some of our eyes.” 

Azul knew Jade was referring to him. He wouldn’t lie, the Prefect did open his eyes a bit. He now saw the Ramshackle Prefect as someone he mirrored greatly. He saw himself through someone else's eyes almost. It made him start to think of his own past differently. It made him want to get to know the Prefect a bit more.

“I’m hungry. Ima go back to eat half the table.” Floyd whined, as he dove into the water with a quiet “plip”.

Jade chuckled. “Oh my, I better go with him before there's none left for us.” Jade dove into the dark water to catch up to his Twin. Azul and Renmu were left behind in silence. 

“Renmu,” Azul finally spoke. “How do you forget about the bad things about yourself?” 

Renmu was taken back by Azul’s question for a moment but answered none the less. “You don’t. They are part of you and you learn to love them. Though, I’m not sure if i’m the one to talk…”

Azul didn’t answer. He looked down at the many appendages that sprouted from his body like wild wisteria. He couldn’t find any reason to love all eight of those things. Not when all he thought of all the bad things that those kids said about them when he was younger. Those words were branded into his mind, whenever he saw them, those words surfaced and made him scowl at his own body.

Renmu knew that look in Azul’s eyes. Pure disgust, resentment, hatred. He knew that look too well, especially back at home. They would always look at him like that when he was around. He never wanted to see people look at him like that anymore. 

“Azul-Senpai, I can't speak on behalf of everyone else, the people that harmed you but, I like you just the way you are. Just like this.” Renmu said, gesturing to Azul’s octopus form. “It makes you, you.” 

Azul unconsciously pulled Renmu into his tentacles. Renmu allowed himself to be held in the giant squishy appendages like it was a giant hug. Azul sighed at the sight. Renmu smiled. “Daijoubu desu, Azul-Senpai. It’s like a giant hug.” 

Azul smiled softly. “Would you believe me if I told you that I used to be a lot bigger and a crybaby? That I wasn’t as strong as I am now? That forced myself to change to save myself from all the hurt?”

Renmu nodded. “Would you believe me if I told you that I forced myself to speak in a different way to avoid getting hurt?” 

Azul was curious now. “I believe you but how so, Prefect.” 

“I altered the pitch of my voice as a kid so that the other kids would make fun of me anymore.” Renmu explained. 

“Then how does it normally sound?” Azul inquired. 

“Like this.” Renmu said, his voice dropping an octave. 

Azul was surprised. The prefect’s natural voice sounded very similar to Idia’s versus the higher pitch that he forced. Azul wondered how he was able to even do that, let alone keep it up for so long without failing. 

“I got used to it after a while.” Renmu explained. “ They said my voice didn’t match the way I looked, the way I acted. So I fixed it. But that only made it worse…”

Azul’s appendage finally let go of the prefect. Slowly, the tentacle unraveled itself from around Renmu’s body and dipped back into the water. Azul watched each appendage move around underneath him. Each one did their own thing sometimes it it annoyed him greatly. Then again, part of him didn’t actually detest it. He was happy when he was back home with his mom and grandmother like this. It was just like them. They were the only ones that understood how it felt. He liked the idea of being stronger than the twins like this, he liked the idea of being bigger than them for a change. He had the best advantage in the water and the twins never forgot that. It made him swell with pride at those things. Maybe all Azul ever needed was someone like Renmu to actually help learn to love himself growing up, someone who accepted him for him. Not for his knowledge or for his contracts and schemes. But actually for who he truly was, a sensitive octo-mer that just wanted friends and someone that would love him and all of his eight appendages. And maybe that’s what the Prefect needed too. Someone who would accept him for his scars, his voice, his need to just have one friend to see the world as a bright place. 

“AZUL! C’MON!” Floyd called out. His beckoning voice echoed through the oasis.

“I guess we should meet up with the others now…” Azul mumbled. 

“Yeah before all the food is really eaten.” Renmu siad with a chuckle. 

Renmu shimmed his body through the donut hole and began propelling himself through the vegetation. Azul simply dove under it all and swam through to the other side. Azul surfaced and helped pull Renmu through rest and back to the shoreline of the Oasis. Renmu was the first to step foot on the sand. He dropped his donut floatie oof with the rest of them. Azul then surfaced, not as a human but as a mer. His tentacles slithered and wriggled around as he moved forward. The others watched in fascination as Azul began to slowly change fully into a human once more. The purple hue of his skin slowly faded into flesh tones, his eight appendages merged into one another in a pair of four and began turning into two human legs and feet. His size and form also slowly reduced in size and shaped into one of a human. By the time he reached the pavilion, he was human. 

“Eh, Cool.” Floyd said with a smile. 

“Indeed.” Jade commented in agreement. 

“That was like something in an Anime…” Idia mumbled softly.

Azul felt awkward from all the staring and comments. For once, he knew there was no ill intent with them. Just curiosity and amazement. Not even Leona or Jamil said anything ill about the way his body looked changing into a human. Maybe this could be a start for him with being more open about who he truly was. 

Azul cleared his throat awkwardly. “So…I’m hoping there is some food left for me?”

The cold desert night was drawing near. The sun was setting, leaving behind a deep orange and golden glow. The Oasis was calm and the heat of the sun began to wane. Everyone decided to enjoy the peace and quiet of the desert around a crackling bonfire. Leona and Ruggie provided an array of meat that could be cooked over the open flame while Trey provided marshmallows and other sweet treats. Healthier options like vegetables and fruit were also being cooked over the fire. 

Renmu watched the little embers float away into the evening sky as he roasted a marshmallow on the open flame. He thought of the summer festivals back at home that he often watched from afar. He always wondered what it was like, being able to hang out with friends around a bonfire; dancing, playing, laughing. Renmu was far too lost in thought to realize that the once soft treat was now charred and crispy. 

“Dear boy, your treat is as crispy as my hair the day Malleus first drew fire breath.” Lilia said amused. 

Renmu looked down at his stick which was now also flaming like a torch. Renmu sighed and tossed the whole thing into the fire. Renmu picked up a new stick and marshmallow and tried again. 

“What's the matter, Prefect?” Silver asked. “Is it because you burnt your treat?” 

Renmu shook his head. “Just thinking is all…” 

“About?” Silver asked again? 

Now everyone had Renmu’s attention. They all wanted to know what got the once happy Prefect so down in the slumps in the matter of hours. Renmu groaned dramatically and flopped backwards onto the sand below. “Mou! I don’t want the day to end!” 

Everyone went silent before letting out a genuine laugh. Renmu was confused as to why most of them started laughing.

“Is that all?” Riddle asked, holding back his smile. 

“And here I thought it was something serious.” Cater said smiling. 

“Renmu, you know we will have more opportunities like this in the future, right?” Kalim asked. 

“Yeah,” Leona answered in agreement. “Especially since the Headmage wants us to do the whole “Bonding” thing.”

“I already know what I actually want all of us to do when it’s my turn.” Vil said happily. 

“Oh no.” Leona groaned. “Make that Primadona go last! I know he will make us dress up or act.” 

“Yeah.” Idia mumbled. “Make us do extroverted things.” 

“Like you would even suggest anything fun?” Azul asked. 

Idia sprang up from his spot on the sand. “Uh, yeah? Mega game night?” 

“Sounds boring.” Ruggie mumbled  

“Sounds fun.” Lilia chirped. 

“Of course that ol’ bat would think that’s something fun.” Leona growled. 

“Oh? And what would you do, Leona?” Riddle asked.

“Simple. Pool party or a spelldrive game.” Leona answered as he took a bite out of his charred meat. 

“That sounds fun!” Kalim said beaming. 

They went back and forth on what they thought was an idea of a good time together. Renmu realized that he was thinking of sad things when the fun, the games, the laughs, the memories were just getting started. Soon he would have many things to look back on and maybe friends that would want to keep wanting to make more memories like that. Renmu couldn’t help but smile. 

“Ah, you’re smiling again.” Lilia said, ruffling Renmu’s hair. “Look forward to tomorrow, dear child.” 

Renmu nodded and went back to perfecting his marshmallow. 

“Oh. I totally forgot about the sparklers!” Cater yelled, scrambling up to retrieve the bag.

“Ooh sparklers!” Kalim and Floyd cheered. 

“Kalim wait!” Jamil yelled running after him. 

Everyone else began clearing a space for Cater to put down the big bag of sparklers. Once the bag was within arms reach, Kalim, Floyd, Ruggie, and Lilia went ham on the bag. Everyone else waited their turn to get one and lit them by the fire. Renmu took two of them and began running around the bonfire like a little airplane. 

Leona watched in amusement. “Look at the Herbivor.” 

The others watched fondly at the Ramshackle Prefect run around the bonfire, a big happy smile plastered on his face, a face that normally would be void of any smile. For once, Renmu was finally feeling the weight of his past life, his past memories, his past feelings, being lifted off his shoulders. He could finally feel what it is like to be happy, to have friends, to make good memories. He could finally smile with all his heart.

“Looks fun!” Kalim cheered, running after Renmu. 

“Oh I want to run too!” Lilia chimed in standing up. 

The three of them left trials of sparking lights behind them as they ran around the bonfire. Their colored lights looked like shooting stars in the night sky. To the Heartslabyul trio, they looked like they were trying to get dry after coming out of the ocean. They three tired out after a few more laps and laid panting on the cool sand. 

Cater chuckled at the three. “Let's get this party started!” 

Cater turned up his speaker and began playing some music. Cater placed his phone down and started dancing around the bright fiery flames. 

“Leave it to Cater to bring the music.” Trey said smiling.

Leona and Jamil didn’t need to be told twice it seemed. Leona had lit two stakes on fire and started a fire dance. He was spinning the flaming stakes around, occasionally spinning and tossing them in the air. Jamil on the other hand kept the two sparklers and was break dancing on the sand. With each movement, the colored sparks dance with him. The sight was captivating. The glow of the warm flames against their skin made them look so elegant yet fierce. 

“Don’t burn yourselves please.” Riddle begged. “I don’t want to administer first aid for 3rd degree burns.” 

“We ain’t that clumsy, Red.” Leona argued as he tossed the two takes in the air and caught them with ease. 

Renmu watched all of them before him. He watched Leona and Jamil dance without a care in the world. He watched Kalim, Lilia, and Floyd have a sparkler battle, he watched Riddle scold Floyd that were being reckless, he watched Rook and Vil lie together under the setting sun, Cater taking selfies and photos of it all, Trey and Malleus talking about making their sparklers change color, Idia and Azul enjoying one blue sparkler together, Ruggie stuff his cheeks with food, Jade watch his brother in amusement, and Silver falling asleep. It was these moments that Renmu loved and cherished dearly. He loved every bit, every second of it all. This, this what it feels like to be happy. To have friends and to make memories. 

“C’mon, Renmu!” Cater yelled. “Let’s take a picture before we go!” 

Renmu nodded and ran over to their group and found a spot in the camera. 

“Everyone ready?” Cater asked. 

There was a chorus of yeses, yups, and, yeahs, confirming that everyone was good to go.

“Alright,” Cater said, holding up the camera more. “Say-”

“Party at the Oasis!” Kalin cried out. 

Everyone took a deep breath and yelled, “Party at the Oasis!”

Can't believe this took me so long. 14135 words in all too. Thanks for reading and see you next time!

Need a way back? Here you go. The Archives.

[gaelic-symphony]

A Year in the Life: September

Twelve vignettes from the married life of Tara Lewis and Emily Prentiss, written for the Year of the OTP writing challenge.

Prompt: Hurt/comfort. Also fills the square "I'll take care of you" for @prentiss-theorem's bingo challenge.

Words: 652

Warnings: Hospitals, minor injuries (nothing too graphic)

Read on AO3 or below the cut

            Chasing after unsubs in boots over uneven terrain meant there was always the possibility of injury, and Tara felt the pop as her leg gave way beneath her and she tumbled to the ground.  An x-ray at the hospital confirmed it: Her ankle was broken.  Emily rushed over to the hospital as soon as she got the call from Matt that Tara was hurt, and she flung open the door to the hospital room where an orthopedist was preparing gauze and plaster to wrap Tara’s ankle.

            “Tara, honey, what happened?” she cried as she hurried over to her wife’s side.

            “I’m okay,” Tara assured her, “I just fell, no big deal.”

            “Your wife has a lateral malleolus fracture,” the doctor said, “The lower part of her fibula is broken.  It’s a clean break, and she’ll make a full recovery without surgery.  There’s no need to worry, Mrs. Lewis.”

            Emily felt a little flush and a pleasant tingle in her spine at hearing herself addressed that way, and she smiled down at Tara and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

            “Okay, now, Tara, this will probably hurt a bit,” the doctor continued, “But before I put the cast on, I need to realign the bone so it’ll heal properly.”

            “Need a hand to hold, babe?” Emily offered, extending her hand to Tara.

            Tara grabbed Emily’s hand, and the doctor gently put his hand on Tara’s swollen ankle, letting her take a breath and prepare herself for what he was about to do.  He squeezed her ankle joint, expertly manipulating everything back into place.  Tara groaned in pain and grasped Emily’s hand as tight as she could, her fingernails digging into Emily’s skin.  With her free hand, Emily gently stroked Tara’s hair and planted a soothing kiss on the top of her head.  Once the doctor had finished setting the bone, Tara relaxed her grip on Emily’s hand and pulled it closer to kiss it.

            “You’re doing great, Tara,” the doctor said, “The hard part’s over.”

            “Are you sure the hard part’s not going to be having this big heavy cast on my leg for the next six weeks?” Tara chuckled wryly.

            The doctor began wrapping Tara’s ankle, first in soft gauze, then in hard plaster.  It was still tender, and Tara would occasionally wince in pain as the layers of the cast were added to particularly sensitive spots.  Each time she winced, Emily wrapped her arm around Tara’s shoulders a little tighter and pulled her a little closer, as if she were trying to protect her wife from the pain.

            “Last time I had a cast it was lime green,” Tara said wistfully, looking at the plain white plaster the doctor had just encased her leg in.

            “How old were you?” Emily laughed.

            “Eleven,” Tara said, “I fell off my bike and broke my arm.”

            “Did all your friends sign your cast?” Emily asked.

            “Of course!” Tara replied, “That was the best part!”

            “Maybe you can get the team to sign your cast back at the office,” Emily joked.

            “Guess I’m gonna be spending a lot of time there now,” Tara grumbled, “How long until I’m back in the field, doctor?”

            “Oh, it’ll be at least a couple of months,” the doctor said, “Even once the cast comes off, you’ll still have some healing to do.  Your body can’t just bounce back from a broken bone like it did when you were eleven.  You’ll need to stay off that ankle and ease back into things.  Don’t push yourself too hard.”

            “I’ll make sure she doesn’t overdo it, doc,” Emily assured him.

            Tara rolled her eyes.  “Emily…”

            “Nuh uh,” Emily shook her head, “Don’t even bother arguing.  I’m taking you home, and you’re going to get plenty of rest.”

            “Don’t you have to get back to work?” Tara asked.

            “The team can take care of the case,” Emily said, “I’ll take care of you.”

[indigopearl96]

I got bored soooo

Have some of my Headcanons for Moira from Overwatch!

☣️There’s some descriptions of violence but nothing graphic(I think)☣️

General Headcanons

Moira has some form of training. There’s no way in Hell Blackwatch would let their only healer depend on one item to defend herself with. While Biotic Grasp is a reliable way for her to defend herself, she’s not going to do as well if surrounded and/or on her own or against something like a tank (I may know this from experience playing OW-). So it’s not hard to believe that Moira has some basic training at least to ensure she isn’t vulnerable.

Moira has something going with her blue eye. In almost all of her skins, something is going on around her eye. The only ones that don’t have anything covering the eye or just have something going on with it are the Archive skins. Both, at most, cover her blue eye a bit but it’s still visible! I count these as canon as both are archive skins and the mini games are likely their way of canonically adding lore! So there is likely SOMETHING going on with her eye, my best guess is sensitivity and scarring she covers up, likely caused by her experiments. What experiments they could’ve been are hard to say.

Moira is TERRIFYING if you piss her off. There’s mad, and then there’s PISSED. Moira will usually have a stoic expression or a small smile but if you manage to make her mad, she will glare at you, be snippy and snaps at you more often. If you piss her off, she’s quiet. You’ll know that you pissed her off if you look at her and see her staring at you with wide eyes, as if you’re a prey. She’s glaring at you and never takes her eyes off of you. She’s silent and only stops staring if others are near. The experiments have affected her body enough that her being pissed seems to have a visual defect on her. Thankfully it’s surprisingly difficult TO piss her off but if you manage to do it, she’s figuring out how to make you suffer.

She’s a sadomasochist. She enjoys the more psychological and mental harm rather than physical. Watching someone’s mind break, shatter, and crumble satisfies and pleases her much more than watching someone writhe in physical pain. She actually find most physical harm inflicted onto others boring unless it’s done in a creative way. Her sadism is more known than her masochism as she rarely allows anyone to harm her. In terms of masochism, she enjoys being cut to the point she’s nearly bleeding out. It gives her a thrill, it excites her, she can go too far at times though. Her favorite form of masochism is being cut and possibly whipping but she’s too private for anyone to even think of the possibility.

She has siblings, however she keeps her family and childhood a secret. It’s not hard to find that information but she’s scarily protective over her siblings. No one has gotten close enough to figure out why she’s so protective.

She’s used to shenanigans because of her siblings, that doesn’t mean she likes them though. If she ever takes part, it’s either a very small contribution or can’t be traced back to her. She has to keep her more professional look after all.

She’s a patient person, it took weeks for Akande to figure out the progress of an experiment because she was going to experiment until she was done or she couldn’t continue. After that he made it clear that she had to give progress reports, she finds them a waste of time as she could’ve been experimenting instead of writing these reports but she reluctantly complies.

She genuinely loves insects—centipedes and spiders the most—and if she trusts you enough, she can and will go into a hyperfixated rant and ramble about the mentioned insect. If you manage to get into her room, you’ll find small bits of bug decor as well as her love for anime and manga.

She’s fluent in many languages. She always seems to know what someone’s saying regardless of the language spoken. It’s more of a question of what she doesn’t know now. She even knows and uses sign language! (Sombra has yet to find a language Moira doesn’t know well)

She actually listens to Sigma’s rambles and humors him, at first she would wonder and think about them but now she’s more annoyed by them with how often his thoughts wander from the subject to insanity.

She can be empathetic…she just doesn’t like or trust anyone enough to feel anything for them.

She genuinely believes she can improve and help others with her experiments and thinks if others let her, she could make many improvements to others. This may include the effects she and Reaper go through and what she has done to her rabbits.

She’s more sympathetic to animals than people and even then it’s usually the bare minimum. She can’t bring herself to euthanize the rabbits who can live the life of a pet so she often gives them up to owners if the changes left behind are minor. If the rabbits have gone through a major change, she keeps and takes care of them as she can’t bring herself to neglect them to death either. (She got attached to one and named it Rasputin as it nearly died twice but is still kicking. It’s a large rabbit with specks of white on its black fur, a mutation from her experiments.)

Moira has two phobias. Geese and Lightning/Thunder. Both are related to more traumatic events from her childhood that she’s kept quiet about. Both happened when she was a child and she’s been unable to work through them. She’s embarrassed of her phobias but thankfully she can hide them, mostly.

With Geese, she freezes and watches the animal. If it gets close, she’ll back away from it and avoid it. If it hisses and chases, it’s one of the few times you actually see her terrified and hear her scream. This does result in a panic attack if she’s been exposed to the animal for too long and she always ends up hiding in weird places that geese can’t get into. With lightning/thunder, she sort of just freezes and looks around. She’s more on edge and ends up hiding in small compact areas with headphones on to keep herself calm. No one has been able to figure out her trauma that triggered these phobias and why she hasn’t been to a therapist about them.

She likes to be annoying sometimes, especially if it’s payback for something.

I might add more later(maybe some nsfw headcanons), but this is what I got for now :p.