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belit0 · 2 years ago

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2000 Word Commission (TobiIzu, HashiIzu, MadaIzu) for Anon

Izuna in heat and the other three founders, Hashirama Tobirama and Madara all fucking him and wanting to breed him I don’t mind or care if it’s in a foursome/group sex scenario or if it’s one at a time.

In the end. it is almost 4000 thousand words, got a little carried away, so enjoy!🤗💕💫

KO-FI COMMISSIONS

Unfortunately, it is time to choose.

Izuna comes out of his meeting with the clan elders feeling dizzy, pressured, and about to start his heat, isn't this the best combination in the world? He knows he doesn't have much time left, nor are his family's expectations wrong.

Being at the perfect age, the Uchiha council believes it is time for their elite Omega to become pregnant, capitalizing on the best condition his body will ever be in to produce a flawless potential heir.

Being second in command brings both respect and demands, and he is aware of having ignored his seniors' pleas for at least a couple of years now. If his father were alive he would have forced him to marry long ago, and he considers himself fortunate to have had enough time to grow up, develop, know what he wants in life before embarking on that journey.

Aniki never forced him to choose, never would, but Izuna is no stranger to the role he must play. Should Madara be unable to produce a fit inheritor, the offspring of the second Uchiha in charge would be the ideal ones for taking care of the clan.

Three possible candidates were the ones named by the elders, Alphas he himself considered from the very moment he made his determination. Two of them would bring incomparable genes to the mix, sacred and legendary unions never before imagined before reaching peace, and the third would perpetuate the Uchiha blood for eternity, keeping the lineage pure and unaltered.

What to do?

He brings a hand to his forehead as he shuffles his feet through the corridors of the main house, feeling the temperature flush through his body. It won't be long before his instincts hit him with natural forces, and he must act fast.

Struggling for coherence and evaluating certain factors, he decides to undertake a torturous walk full of curious stares to the Hokage's tower, his first stop of the day. Climbing the stairs has never been so difficult, and he struggles to forcibly suppress his scent. Keeping his glands from releasing that sweet perfume consumes nearly all of his concentration, and he fails to notice himself colliding against a toned chest on his way up.

"Izuna! Wonderful to see you! Wow... Are you okay?" The Hokage's face quickly transmutes from a beaming smile to a worried countenance, holding the Uchiha by his forearms and bending his knees to stand face to face, assessing him closely. "You're burning up... oh darling, you should be in bed!" the Senju exclaims with concern, taking him in his arms unquestioningly and leading him into his personal office.

He closes the door and locks it behind him, carrying the stricken Izuna to a couch next to his desk. The coffee table in front of it looks cluttered with money and betting boards, but at this moment nothing could matter less to him.

Izuna knows what he must do.

Saying absolutely nothing, he stops fighting his natural instincts, easily releasing his blocked glands and feeling immediate relief at the violent passage of perfume in the room. As his body relaxes from the lack of suppression, next to him, Hashirama stiffens.

He watches carefully how his pupils dilate, how his complexion changes again in a guttural transformation, and how his posture becomes predisposed to attack. A triggered Alpha is a difficult force to stop, even more so when the one who provokes it is a fertile and in-heat Omega.

The fight the Senju exerts against his wild side is visible, and it can be assumed there is a pitched war in his brain as he tries to restrain himself. Managing impulses, for the dominant race, is simply impossible, and only those great warriors can reason with the beast living inside them.

The Senju doesn't stand a chance when Izuna boosts his scent, an intoxicating sweet and addictive fragrance acting as an aphrodisiac for any functional Alpha. It was Madara who confessed to him the terrible effect his perfume has, one of the many times his heat came unannounced during a training session with him, giving him knowledge of a lethal weapon.

Lethal in both senses, for being under a horny Alpha is highly dangerous if one does not intend to end up impregnated by the encounter. Fortunately, that is what Izuna is all about.

He runs a little secret competition, where the three participants will give the best of themselves as called by their natural, and the winner of his womb will be decided by destiny.

Hashirama is on him in less than a second, sniffing like a hungry wolf at his neck and bringing out sharp claws which act with more finesse than one would anticipate. "You smell so good, such a delicious fragrance, how am I supposed to resist the call of an Omega as beautiful as you?" the man seems to be talking to himself, totally possessed by his wild side and ignoring any kind of coherence.

He turns him over with simple movements, exposing him on his knees sooner than he estimated. The Uchiha does not fail to permeate the air with his perfume, counting on that marvelous drug to help the Senju with what he must do. The sexual tension between the two was always measurable, but one could say that about any Alpha interacting with Izuna, a flirtatious personality from birth.

He knows this Alpha desires him, he can feel his eyes scanning his form when he thinks he's not paying attention, he can read his gaze smoothly when they casually talk, he can almost hear his wild side screaming for him to fuck him right there without further ado.

He knows he is the most appropriate Omega in many ways for anyone important, and he intends to use this asset to his advantage.

His pants disappear with a tug, reduced to his bent knees, and the Senju lays him down with a gentleness unbecoming for the situation on the couch, chest against the cushions and fully presented in front of him.

"Look at this pretty hole, how dare you be so charming, little Omega?" His words make him tremble with both excitement and anger, his ass responding to every stimulation the Senju's voice offers, desperate for the dominant's validation but frustrated to bask in it, all at the same time.

"Please fuck me!" He exclaims in a mixture of need and anxiety, his body demanding that sense of completeness, his purpose being fulfilled. It takes nothing more than his aroma and pleading to set the Alpha off.

Hashirama thrusts into him slowly, using every inch of natural lubrication his hole provides and gutturally grunting at the stimulation. When the Uchiha thinks he will start to move, he grabs him with both hands by the chest and settles him on top, leaning back against the opposite end of the couch and resting on his back.

Izuna's pants remain pulled across his chest from side to side, now sagging down to his ankles and locked by his sandals. ""Ride me, pretty one." He intones in a voice both deep and soft, and that compliment sends ripples throughout his body. He follows his commands to perfection, his primal part desperate to please the Alpha beneath him, bouncing over his waist with need.

"Such a good boy, look how well you take my cock, you deserve to get properly stuffed, don't you?" His massive hands hold his hips, long claws avoiding digging into his skin and guiding him gently. Izuna assumed the Hokage would be the worst of the three, too much power inside him to be able to fight his Alpha, yet there is restraint and calm in his actions, both despairing and arousing at the same time.

"Want to be my gorgeous breeding toy?" he asks rhetorically, his hands guiding him up and down faster. There is too much stimulation, and he feels his whole body burning with pleasure and hunger, eager to be filled to the brim and satisfy the Alpha beneath his legs. "Please, yes!" he cries out between moans and heaving breaths, stroking himself off as he surrenders total control of his rhythm to Hashirama.

The Senju soon takes control, using him at will and demand just as a hole to squeeze out all the contents of his cock, holding him tighter and tighter and moving him with lust. He holds on longer than the Uchiha would have thought, estimating how a triggered Alpha can't resist the need to impregnate, to breed, but after a few good minutes of fucking he can feel that famous knot forming inside him.

A ball that grows and grows at the base of his dick, harder and harder to get inside, struggling to stay locked within his channel, making sure all his seed is buried in his belly. The Senju grunts with abandon as Izuna feels that hot liquid melt in his passage, caressing his natural desire to be full, well bred. They both finish simultaneously, and it could appear as a picturesque image ignoring the obscenity of the facts.

A good length of time elapses until his knot deflates, precious minutes Izuna uses to recompose his mind and use the brief relief allowing coherence to decide his next steps.

He disengages from the Alpha before the latter can react, knocked out by the ferocity and power of his windup, and it's the perfect time frame to fix his clothes and clench his legs, walking swiftly and carefully to his next target.

Suppressing his natural perfume again, he uses the dominant scent permeating his entire being to avoid attracting greedy eyes, disguising his heat under the scent of an unleashed Alpha to make anyone else dare not look at him.

The location of his target is a bit further away, but he manages to get there relatively quickly, using his last moments of pure lucidity before the urgency of his horniness strikes again.

He has one hand on his butt, exerting pressure, trying to keep the contents inside safe, giving the first competitor a fair chance.

The second one appears at the door of his laboratory, having detected an intruder in the guarded perimeters of the place. Izuna knows every one of his traps and protections, having taken the insufferable time to study them just to annoy him. Every time Tobirama decided to change one to throw him off, the Uchiha had already memorized the procedure to use for disabling them.

With experienced precision, he smoothly walks down the path, while the albino waits for him with crossed arms and an annoyed look on his face as usual. He wastes no time, releasing his overpowering scent and trying to win him over the same way he did with his older brother, but the Alpha aroma he carries along works against him.

" Why are you walking like a constipated duck and what is this odd combination of scents you're sporting, Uchiha?" the Hokage's brother asks disdainfully, as if the answer was of no interest to him but needing to know at the same time. He uncrosses his arms when having him inches away, and is surprised to identify the smell permeating over him as Hashirama's.

"I just fucked your brother so good I probably got myself pregnant." He confesses with a self-satisfied smile on his face, knowing that to win Tobirama over he has to appeal to his frustration, to his anger. Years of fights and confrontations provided precious information about his eternal rival, iconic ways to get to his nerves and get what he wants from him.

"Shut the fuck up." A hand reaches to close the building's door, but Izuna shoots his scent so potently that the blend between the two fragrances becomes unmistakable. He observes as the Senju sniffs the air, just like his brother, but there is confusion, indignation on his face. " Now, wait, you seriously did that?"

"Of course I did. He fucked me for hours and stuffed me full, I'm probably carrying his pup as we speak." The Uchiha enters the lab uninvited, slamming his elbow against the albino's chest and moving him out of the way. He rests his hip against one of his work tables, and turns around to look at him with satisfaction "doesn't his scent on me tell you anything? Come on, I know you're stupid but that much?"

The provocation seems to hit the right spot, perfect calculation of which buttons to push and how to generate the expected reaction. The Omega continues to release his fragrance, so intense and pure it begins to gain space in the room. Soon, the entire study area is permeated with the mingled scents, and Izuna laughs as the Senju covers his nose and growls angrily.

"Come on, Tobi, man up... what's wrong? Your brother beat you to the punch? Can't taste it because he got first? I thought the Senju clan boasted of love and closeness, maybe you're all a bunch of liars and-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" the Alpha lunges at him, right where the Uchiha needs him, and when he has him clutching his tunic with both hands and about to unleash a fist all over his face, he hits him with a surge of sweetness and spice, pheromones doing their thing to tempt the predator in front of his eyes.

It all happens with violence and passion, a mixture of roughness and excitement typical of the dynamic the two have always carried forward. The albino turns him over on his desk, making him rest his chest on the cold metal and pulling down his pants without warning. His touches are a perfect blend of sadism and need, bare claws tearing through the skin of his buttocks, opening his hole wide for a sudden penetration.

Tobirama never had great power over his Alpha, too disconnected from his feelings to restrain or reason with it, and that's exactly what Izuna appeals to. Unconsciousness, pure desire, primitive needs being satisfied amidst violence and heat. His former enemy thrusts into him without a drop of affection in between, grabbing his hips and piercing his skin with his claws.

Blood trickles down the side of his legs, but the Uchiha hisses in equal parts arousal and pain. It is the savagery with which the Senju fucks him the same one he fantasized about over and over again on the battlefield, when his anti-Alpha defenses were not yet well assembled and the dominants were able to get to him much more easily.

The number of times he imagined himself under this man, being fucked mercilessly and without hesitation, yet today his fantasy becomes reality and is even better than in his head.

" Fucking Omega, you sure need someone to put you in your place, to show you how you're just a pathetic hole for me to stuff." Words come out between grunts and strains, and despite how shattered his mind is under the Alpha's terrible onslaught on him, Izuna is amazed at how this one managed to formulate a complete sentence.

Maybe he doesn't lose as much control as he expected, maybe Tobirama is just like that.

"Dirty boy, you come crawling all the way here in heat, begging me to fuck you, disgusting." The degradation of his speech travels right down to between his legs, but as he reaches to jerk himself off in the small space between his body and the table, Tobirama takes both of his hands and positions them on his back.

He pulls his arms into an awkward position, forcing them still in an unnatural angle without being able to touch himself. The burning in his hole and the sharp pain in his extremities provide a new wave of arousal he didn't think he was capable of feeling, his own cock throbbing with the need to be stroked.

"Fuck!" he hisses into the air, more to himself than to the one working his rear, his words earning him a harder tug on his hands. He swears his arms are about to give under the pressure as he feels the now familiar sensation of that knot forming, and he knows there isn't much left.

"Yes, I'll fuck you, surrendering to my cock like a needy whore. How little respect you have for yourself to come pleading for me to breed you, hm?" The grunting and aggression goes on and on, but what he didn't expect was to feel the Senju's fangs on the back of his neck as he finishes. He pulls his ponytail out of the way, and both canines dig into his skin, tearing it again and creating a sharp point of pain unlike anything he'd ever experienced.

It is not a bonding mark, but one used by dominants to keep a stressed Omega calm, to relax the prey's muscles beneath their teeth, leave them soft and pliable to their liking. Izuna always considered having that point of weakness available was an abuse of nature, but the combination of his belly being filled for the second time plus the sudden quietness throughout his body knocks him out.

Everything goes black around him, and the ache in his arms and skin disappears completely. The only thing he hears before he loses consciousness is another insult from Tobirama, and a huge knot locked inside him.

His body falls apart on the workbench, muscles flabby and mind dull, completely devoted to the trust he has in his former enemy.

...

Izuna wakes up in his bed, in the safety of his home, and for a moment he believes his whole journey was a dream. That thought disappears when he tries to sit up and receives a huge call of agony on his backside, looking at his wrists and noticing claw marks all over his skin. What happened is as real as everything inside him, and a sense of anxiety and reassurance washes over him once realizing there is only one competitor left.

He lets his hair down to hide the mark Tobirama probably left there, trying to decipher if it was him who brought him here or if his older brother had found him in his lab. It wouldn't make sense, of course, since Madara went into council with the elders as soon as he left that room in the morning.

He makes an effort to get up, and as he approaches the window of the bedroom, he estimates it is probably the middle of the night. There is no news of the Senju brothers' chakra around, and he is tacitly grateful for the time he will have available to finish his mission.

"Are you going to sleep already?" That wonderfully deep voice booms against the four walls of his chamber, Madara watching him with an adorable smile as he turns around. He runs into his older brother's arms, making sure to release the scent that tells of his unrestrained state.

His Aniki knows him so well he was probably aware of his heat before he did, but the younger Uchiha intends to make sure this one understands what he needs. The elders must have had the same talk with him this morning, the same words of demand they gave Izuna, this time directed at the clan leader.

Requiring purity to be maintained in the lineage.

"You were with the Senju brothers, I see." He comments with little grace in his voice, and kisses his crown before turning his attention to his hands. "What happened here?" his tone changes, sternness in the conjugation of his words, hardness in his eyes as if scolding him.

"Training with Tobirama, you know how he gets about proving superiority." He tries to wrench his hands from his brother's grip, to pretend, but he is too observant to fall for his games. He carries him over to the bed and sits him on the mattress before leaving to fetch gauze and cleaning supplies, intending to disinfect his wounds and dress them.

Madara makes gentle work of the injured areas on his skin, delicately caressing each injury so as not to produce more pain in them. He takes his time with each one, and it is Izuna who reveals the cuts on his waist for him to treat those too.

There are doubts on his countenance when he gives the location of the attack, the symmetry of the cuts, how they are located on both sides of his hip, but the younger Uchiha quickly silences them with a smile, inviting him to sit next to him on the bed.

The clan leader wraps his arms around his brother's body, and generates a cloud of his own scent to envelop the younger Uchiha in it, silently imbuing him with his fragrance as Izuna hides in his neck, cocooned by his arms and his care.

It is the comfort of the environment and how safe he feels in Madara's presence that make him completely relax, the symptoms of his heat returning with full force as he detects a strong and capable Alpha, trustworthy, reliable. His every caress on his back makes him purr, and his natural instincts are completely revealed in front of the only dominant he can count on for absolutely everything.

Some people would think it unnatural for the Omega and the main Alpha of the family to bond with each other, but for Izuna it would be an entirely natural process beyond blood and purity, giving himself in soul and life to the one person who went through the same adversities as him, the one presence who never abandoned him, who stood by his side even in the most difficult of times.

Producing an heir for Madara would be the greatest act of love he could give him, appreciation for all his efforts and companionship, the greatest show of affection he could perform. He knows how the elders asked them both to do so, understands it is a real possibility, and indeed hopes he is the one who succeeds in impregnating him.

That's why when they both surrender to the sheets and give themselves into each other's arms, mouths entwined and claws in the air, Izuna feels complete, liberated, ready to be taken as he truly desires. His brother's touches are precise, with just the right strength and the necessary delicacy, knowing his body like a map he drew himself.

He continues to fervently release his dominant perfume, filling the room with Alpha's ecstasy and bathing him in it, inviting him to consciously erase any traces of others on himself. Not forcing him to do so, but giving him the chance to stop it, to tell him to stop, he enjoys every second of his brother choosing his scent over anyone else's.

Quick kisses and slow caresses lead to a loving encounter replete with affection, where Izuna is cherished as the most beautiful Omega in the world and praised as an ancestral god, Madara working his flesh beyond natural heat and arousal, showing him how precious he is in his eyes with pure concentrated love.

It feels totally right when he penetrates and bites his neck, extremely close to the area where Alphas mark their mates, and finds he wouldn't mind being claimed by him at all. It is his older brother with whom he ends his heat, allowing him indiscriminate access to his belly, surrendering himself to the will of his knot and the mercy of his fangs, marked over and over again by his very blood without any complaint whatsoever.

The Uchiha ends the day brimming with seed, properly bred by the three most powerful Alphas in the world, sweetly awaiting an early revelation, under the anxiety of not knowing who will be the winner of his little competition until his cub is born.

Place your bets.

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ramble-writes · 2 years ago

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O Guardian of Mine

WARNING. CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE SEASON OF THE WITCH ACTIVITIES. Game: Destiny 2 Warnings: no others Character: Wolf-19 Quick drabble Also please be sure to like and reblog so my works can spread around for all to read!

Upon arriving at the Athenaeum, he heard it. The beating heart of the egg, as it sat in its cage, rang in his servos. Wolf walked up the small path where the sound got louder till he stood in front of it, opticals staring at that salmon-colored shell with a faint shadow of the Ahamkara within. The barely visible veins pulsed in time with its heart, showing how alive it was. He wondered, like Eris, how this egg survived Taken corruption and came to be in Savathun's spire.

The Exo Hunter looked about the Throne World as if making sure no prying eyes were watching him. Other than the three orbs of The Witch's eyes floating in the sky. He's heard whispers from the Wish Dragons before, from the Ahamkara Spines and the Sealed Grasps he wears upon his arms. But that's all there was to those items: whispers. They've said things and guided his hands to sure shots, so he never missed a bullet. They have grown fond of him for what souls cling to those remains but not once invaded his thoughts to control him.

Here, within a separate dimension, it was as if those whispers died off in the presence of the egg. Wolf tilted his head as he watched the shadow move, and what seemed like hands touched the inner membrane. Carefully, with a hand, he touched the surface of the shell, a shakey breath he didn't need to leave him. A hand from the Ahamkara reacted and moved to where his hand was as if acknowledging his presence.

With his free hand, Wolf pushed down his hood to remove his helmet. Red optics blinked as the prongs on the sides of his head twitched some. Slowly, he leaned forward, letting his forehead pressed against the shell. Compared to the Taken eggs he'd destroyed, they felt dead. Each would let out a horrid screech that made his joints tremble, and his servos vibrate as an arrow from Wish Ender pierced their shells. But this one? It was alive.

He knew Riven was a horrible creature, worse upon being corrupted and having that horrid curse placed upon the Dreaming City, along with what she did to Uldren (now Crow). But maybe things can change with this one? Just like the tale of Eao, who lived happily within the Dreaming City and recited old stories before he was slain for wanting to leave. But with this pure and untouched egg, maybe under Guardian and Vanguard's influence, it'll be different and won't bring chaos like Eris and Ikora claimed.

For now, Wolf sat in silence. No thoughts or voice is needed to express his hope. For it seemed the Ahamkara within could tell due to their species' intelligence. A yawn left the Exo as he got himself comfortable on the floor of the Throne World, pulling his hood up to block out any light wanting to pierce his optics. His ghost came out from the backpack, twisting her shell some as she contemplated her guardian's actions in wanting to sleep beside the egg.

Fenik noticed how Wolf rested his hand over his chest where his spark resides, his heart. It didn't beat like a human, or Awoken's does. Maybe this action was a comforting one, a longing for the feel of something pulsing so soundly in a steady rhythm. Maybe it is a recalled memory back when Wolf was a human. Fenik gave up on trying to come up with reasons and decided to rest. She got herself comfortable within the crook of Wolf's neck in the hood; a little sigh left her before she closed her optic and drifted off.

#Destiny 2 #destiny guardians #ahamkara #season of the witch #my writings #d2 spoilers

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wanderleave · 2 years ago

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inquiry…girl talk! what is ittt

This was! (Is?) My post-Tears of the Kingdom get out my feelings fic!! I know many other have noticed that while Rauru had no idea who Link was, Sonia knew EXACTLY both WHO he was AND was comfortable teasing Zelda a little about him, and this was my take on how Sonia found out. (I'm going to post everything I've written because the chance of me actually finishing this is fairly low.)

Zelda is pacing in her borrowed room, trying not to think about what is happening in the future, when she hears a soft knock on the door.

Expecting Queen Sonia, who has promised to bring another dress for her to borrow, she instead finds one of Mineru’s constructs, holding the Purah Pad and chiming softly.

“Thank you,” she tells it, as it returns the Pad safely into her hands. She watches as it turns to travel back down the hallway, marveling at the differences between the Zonai and Sheikah technologies in front of her. Purah would click-snap with joy if she was here.

She wishes Purah was here.

She wishes she was back home.

Whenever that may be.

Zelda taps the Pad, noting the travel functionality that Mineru has enabled, a chance to learn again the land that she’s spent the past few years relearning, then lets out a cry of dismay.

The camera is broken.

She spends a futile few moments trying to bring it back to life, before quickly examining the rest of the Pad’s contents to ensure their survival.

And that’s when she finds them.

The three photographs she took, showing the last few moments she’d spent in her own time.

Before the fall.

She remembers the rising excitement she’d felt, the discovery of the Zonai depictions, the images of what she now knows to be Rauru and Sonia. How fortunate she’d felt that she’d remembered the Purah Pad, Link wordlessly taking the torch from her as she giddily snapped away.

The first two images bring a smile to her face—she’d been so awed at the discovery of the sculpture of a Zonai, and now she has dinner with one every day—but it’s the third one that makes her heart skip a beat.

The mural showing the Imprisoning War.

An undeniable vision of the future—their future, not hers—as long as she can make it back to her own time.

Should she show it to Rauru? To the queen? Tell them of the events depicted before they even occur, prepare them somehow, for what’s coming. Would it change anything, in the end?

“And what’s this?” she hears from over her shoulder.

Zelda jumps with a start, fumbling the Pad, her heart racing as she looks up to find Queen Sonia looking at her with curiosity.

“Oh Zelda, I apologize,” she says with a small grin. “You were just staring so intently—I was just interested to see what could hold your attention like that. I’ve been calling your name for some time now.”

Zelda opens her mouth to stutter out an apology, to find some way to avoid talking about what she was looking at, but Sonia is already peering through Zelda’s fingers to see the image on the pad, the image of the Imprisoning War clearly visible.

“Oh I see,” Sonia says with a glint in her eyes. “I can see now why you are quite anxious to return to your own time.”

Zelda is speechless. How can she know already what is to come, from the briefest glimpse at the mural?

She stammers out, “Queen Sonia, I—”

Sonia continues, “May I ask his name?”

Zelda frowns, then glances back at the Purah Pad, finally noticing the figure in the corner of the image.

Link.

Holding the torch he’d taken from her without her even having to ask, dwarfed by the imposing largeness of the mural. Standing by her side as he’d done for years—decades, centuries—now.

She hadn’t even realized she’d caught him in the picture.

“Oh,” Zelda says.

She doesn’t know how she missed him, not when his well-being has occupied most of her agonized thoughts since she arrived in the past.

She doesn’t even know if he’s alive.

He’d jumped after her, to catch her, his fingers reaching for hers only to close on empty air. Had he continued to fall? With no secret stone, with nothing to stop him, could he even survive? And what of his arm, covered in gloom, in malice?

She would know, if he’d died. She’d be able to feel it, even through the ages that separate them.

This is what she tells herself.

“That’s . . . his name is Link,” she stammers out, feeling the fear and worry she’d tamped down since she’d arrived threatening to spill out and over her defenses.

“And who is this Link?” Sonia asks, seemingly oblivious to Zelda’s rush of emotions.

Her constant companion. Her loyal subject. Her best friend. Her partner in destiny. Her partner for eternity. Her savior. Hyrule’s savior. Everything.

“A knight,” Zelda says, hearing the words as she says them—how inadequate they are, how strangled her voice is—and tries to clarify. “My knight.”

“Oh?” Sonia smiles, light and warm and knowing. “Your knight? You must be missing him terribly.”

Zelda nods.

And to her horror, bursts into tears.

Sonia’s eyes widen in distress. “Oh, Zelda,” she says, her voice soothing, and gathers her up in her arms.

Zelda stiffens and thinks, only for a moment—this was what her mother felt like—but her sobs won’t stop coming, and Sonia’s embrace is so warm that she lets herself be held until her tears slow.

“I apologize,” she says eventually, wiping at her eyes ineffectually. “I don’t know what came over—”

Sonia shushes her, pulling her over to the couch in the corner of the room, sitting her down and taking her hands into hers, saying, “When you appeared before us, falling out of nowhere . . . you were so calm, so collected. I knew it was only a matter of time until it all caught up to you.” She shakes her head. “There is no shame in your emotions, Zelda. You are far from home, far from those you love. I know how much you want to return to them, how trying it must be to still be here.”

Zelda tries to protest, but Sonia goes on. “But it is the nature of my power that I understand this better than most—it is the memories that we hold dear that give us our purpose, our strength, our path forward.” She leans in. “Why don’t you tell me about . . . Link, is it?”

So she does. Haltingly at first—how he’d been appointed as her knight, the Master Sword in its guard mocking her from his back, her powers still dormant—then faster. How she’d spurned him for ages, how he took it all, silently. How he’d saved her life, and her awkward apology, and how they’d started over from there. Learning each other. The countless days traversing Hyrule, the countless nights spent in silence after her prayers failed. The Calamity. How he’d fallen. Her powers awakening. The century after, watching, waiting. Waiting for him.

“When he finally appeared in Hyrule Castle, I didn’t even know if he remembered me, or our journey together. What he’d almost died for. But he saved us—all of Hyrule. He saved me. And he hasn’t left my side since.”

Sonia makes a little noise, then. Zelda looks at her questioningly.

She raises her eyebrows. “I think you may have more control over your time power than you realize. A hundred years of holding evil at bay . . . ”

Zelda blinks. She hadn’t considered that. Had it felt like a century?

“And your light power, surely, was able to overcome the Calamity.”

She nods, slowly.

Sonia smiles. “Forgive me, Zelda. I have no doubt that your Link is a capable knight. But it also sounds to me that you are more than capable, yourself. It was your powers that were able to dispel the evil threatening Hyrule. Your powers that brought you here, to our time.” She glances down at the Purah Pad, Link’s image still frozen, torch held aloft. “From what you’ve told me, you are each formidable on your own. I can only imagine what you both could do, together.”

Zelda blushes.

“Now,” Sonia continues, her gaze thoughtful, “tell me more about what caused your powers to awaken. Perhaps there is a clue, there. A way to focus our efforts on your time power. A way to allow you to return to your era.”

Zelda breathes out. She thinks back to that terrible day, of the slow journey down from Mount Lanayru, each step dragging her closer to the inevitability of having to admit her failure. Of what Mipha had been trying to tell her, before the world had started to end.

“One of the Champions, a princess of the Zora, had a healing power. She was trying to explain it to me when the Calamity struck.”

“She said . . . ” Zelda trails off, trying to unravel her complicated feelings around that day, around Mipha, around what she knows caused her powers to awaken. “She never finished telling me, but I knew. I knew what she thought of when she healed. I know why my powers awoke. I knew it for a hundred years. I knew it then, and I know it now.

“Love,” she says, simply. She’s never said it out loud before, but here, now, with everything on the line, she has no reason not to tell Sonia the truth. “I’d lost everyone I’d loved that day. Everyone but Link. I couldn’t lose him too. I couldn’t save my father. I couldn’t save the Champions in their Divine Beasts. But Link was in front of me, and he was about to die.”

She glances down then, at the back of her hand, and stares into the distance, into the past, into the future. “I loved him,” she says, and then corrects herself, because she’s telling the truth now. “I love him.”

Sonia smiles at that, looking almost sad. “Does he know?”

Her eyes flutter closed. “No,” she says, but once again, she’s lying. “Yes.” She presses her lips together. “I don’t know.”

“I’ve tried to tell him, so many times, but . . . ” Zelda shakes her head.

Sonia waits patiently.

“He’s lost so much. Because of me. Any chance for a normal life. It was all gone the second he found the Sword. And I know even if he hadn’t been chosen, he would have done it all anyway, that’s just who he is! Once the Calamity was sealed, I told him to leave, to live his life, I pushed him out of the house—it’s his house, it’s not even mine—and he was outside the next morning, cooking us breakfast.” She can feel tears pricking at the corner of her eyes again, even as she can’t help but smile.

She looks back down at the Pad, pressing her fingers to the tiny figure on the screen. “I miss you,” she says quietly, not caring that Sonia can hear her, sending her words through the years, hoping that he’ll receive the message somehow.

“If it was love that allowed you to awaken your powers, then it will be love that will allow you to strengthen them.”

She thinks back to the moment she fell, the anguish, the determination on his face as he reached for her, and she knows.

#totk #it's not good!!!#but it is feelings

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pokemonlunarregion · 1 year ago

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Pidgey, Pidgeotto and Pidgeot, top normal bottom shiny.

How to evolve: Pidgey to Pidgeotto level 18. Pidgeotto to Pidgeot level 36.

Region: A region of eternal night as scientists created plants that could grow in moonlight, though there is some places that try to create artificial lights for the plants that couldn't grow in the moonlight. The moon still changing to different fullness percents with times there is no moon visible.

Region name: Lunar region.

Type: Flying Steel.

Ability: Pidgey: Keen eye. Pidgeotto: Big Pecks. Pidgeot: Unnerve.

Description: These pokemon usually are found in flocks though are mostly docile unless they believe that they are under threat. Which mostly one or two members of the flock will handle the threat, unless the entire flock is needed. These flocks usually contain the first two evolutions with the final evolution being the leader of the flock. The leader of the flock tends to make the others hunt food for it while making decisions for the whole flock, from resolving conflicts to being able to command the whole flock to attack a perceived threat. Old people enjoy feeding these pokemon pieces of various berries watching them peck at the ground to gather up the food. Some have even managed to feed a wild flock leader and say that they have been given a shake with its tail in the air as thanks. These pokemon are surprisingly not territorial. As long as their nests are not being targeted they do not care about other pokemon or other flocks being nearby. Hence it is almost impossible to tell if those that are seen in groups gathering food are even from the same flock. Scientists find it interesting how these pokemon can act as though they are all from the same flock, not even attacking one another for grabbing food from the same spot. Though their feathers are soft at first they can harden these feathers into steel feathers to attack enemies and threats, however this tends to be the way they warn someone to back off. Scientist have not been able to find a way to turn a turned steel feather back to a soft feather deeming it impossible.

Pidgey are the most common to be seen from this line. They tend to be the ones seen gathering food from the elderly. They are seen as workers in the flock and most of the time focus on their tasks of gathering food, usually dividing the work between each other in order to get food for themselves and their leader. They tend to be the most docile and prefer to stay out of trouble if possible. They will fly away to escape though will shoot out steel feathers to warn off those that persist. Despite its small size it is actually intelligent and can even remember someone it has met only once, as seen when certain ones went to the same elderly person ignoring all others for food when spotting him gaining a bigger piece of food. This elderly man and the pokemon seemed to even have a bond with the pokemon showing no fear of being around the man, who even told his family that those pokemon brought him a sense of relaxation as he enjoyed his last bit of time alive. People feel bad as when the elderly these pokemon can bond with pass away these pokemon do look sorrowful when they come to realize that the person is gone. Its dark colors are meant to help it hide in the shadows especially the shadows of a tree as it is well aware of being the weakest of the three evolutions in the flock. Its feathers, both hard and soft, are used to train children to write with feather pens that include feather pens of its other evolutions. It and its evolutions have safe harvesting techniques that are used to make sure that the feathers needed are gathered without hurting the pokemon.

Pidgeotto can have a bit more of a temper and tends to evolve from fighting off threats. When it evolves it becomes a guard for the flock usually being look outs as needed for those gathering food. It will join the others in gathering food however is the one to abandon that mission if cries for help are heard. These pokemon will save any of its evolutions in trouble even if that pokemon is from another flock. It's time in the flock is on a timer as eventually it'll evolve and must leave the flock to find or create its own; unlike what some may think it's actions to help protect the flock are acknowledge and scientists have watched a whole ceremony held for the one that evolved with even what seemed to be thank yous for what this pokemon did before evolving before it flies off away from the flock. These pokemon battle each other until one evolves if the leader were to die, however if a new leader arrives before an evolution happens then the leader is accepted easily into the flock. These pokemon are very loyal to those that they care about and have even rushed into kitchens to defend their trainers from danger if the trainer makes a distressed sound. It is hard to calm it down when this happens unless the threat is gone. It's methods of dealing with threats tend to be attacking until the threat runs away as this pokemon does not chase threats unless needed.

Pidgeot has a big role to play in the flocks being the leader making it not commonly seen, with even evolutions not happening as often due to how docile this line of pokemon are as they try to stay out of trouble. This pokemon will usually stay by the nests to watch over it and to protect it while food is being gathered. It has even been seen taking care of newly hatched eggs if the parents are not there, the eggs of this pokemon can survive and hatch without a mothers warmth on top with the only two ways to stop it are freezing or boiling them, thus even mothers of eggs will be sent out for food. It's authority over the flock is never questioned however luckily only one known time of a jerk flock attacking in swarms for no reason was found. A flock that calmed down when the leader was caught and a new leader rose to power. This pokemon is fiercely intelligent and can even be trained to repeat human speech or even learn the cries of other pokemon to be able to mimic them. It also usually needs puzzle toys or adventure when kept by trainers with many puzzle treat toys made to try to challenge this pokemon. This pokemon is merciful as it can be able to tell a potentially lost preevolution from another flock from one that means harm. With it even being observed that lost members of a flock will even get an escort by members of another flock to find a way home. They are very forgiving with children even letting them pull and nip at their tails without even flinching or trying to peck a child, it will turn around to peck anyone older than a child if its tail is hurt in someway. It doesn't mind being touched and its tail tends to have a velvety softness to it and its body described as a bouncy ball of fluff. It will fly at the front of the flock to find a new home if their home is destroyed or taken over, usually trying to not go too far though is willing to bring its flock far distances to find a new safe place to call home. It will also accept any abandoned babies as one of the members of its flock as if that baby was born within the flock.

Lore:

Pidgey used to be known as a bird for the elderly though emos got a bit jealous due to how these pokemon look, however the emos tend to catch this pokemon and train it up for battle hence not usually bonding with wild versions by feeding them. They were even thought to be able to tell that someone had passed on until it was observed that they look for someone before realizing they're gone. At least showing that they at least have an understanding that those who feed them are usually elderly and are going to die soon. Despite this some believe that it is able to tell that one has passed away and just tends to be hopeful that the person is actually still around. Emos have tried to claim it as both the Emo Bird and The Bird Of Death though neither of them stuck. Most places with this pokemon happily welcome them into town and tend to keep tracks of nest areas in order to keep people away from being attacked by the flock. Emos have traveled to nests to try to urge them down to eat at night instead of during the day, which was abandoned when an emo got severely injured from a flock protecting the nest.

Pidgeotto was labeled as the violent evolution of the bunch due to it leaping into action if a member of the flock is possibly in danger. It is believed that its temper especially aimed at threats are instincts within itself as if from the moment it evolves it knows it is the protector of the flock. It will even show its claws as it flies freaking some people out in worrying that it is planning to attack. Its status as a violent bird pokemon has caused a phobia of this pokemon known as an Ottophobia since it is the only one of its evolutionary lines that apply to the phobia, people with this phobia are usually fine with the other evolutions of this pokemon. It is also to be believed the origin of a rumored large monster like bird that was powerful and quick to attack. This has never been able to be confirmed however sketches of the past showing what the monster looked like is said to look kind of like this pokemon. With people even pointing to how it has a temper that it is ready to unleash on others as needed as further proof of a link between the two.

Pidegeot was once believed to hold the wisdom of wise people who have passed on hence its intelligence. Though scientists later said that this pokemon has a brain that just works really well and that it is able to learn from its life and surroundings. An ancient childrens tale of this pokemon exists talking about one that spoke as though it were a human reincarnated and made its own flock from human followers, looked upon as a being to be praised due to the ability of being human like in knowledge being the reason so many praised it. This book was once used to teach children to not trust things too easily as it could be a trap, with the ending being that the pokemon killed its entire flock when it got tired of being their leader. This book was eventually retired and a new book was made in its place instead. This book has mostly been forgotten though does get brought up or even read here and there. Few copies of the book remain intact in circulation making it a valuable collectors item. This pokemon inspired poses for gods as the way it looks majestic in flight brought around great inspiration to those with a creative side. It is not a god however it is a default if a god is needed for an art piece and the artist has nothing else to draw as the god.

Design inspiration: Dark type birds, rusted steel for the shiny, people drawing diamonds under characters eyes, emo/gothic style, and grey parrots.

Lunar region is a region that I have thought about making. I will be making more Pokémon and variants for this region.

#pokemon lunar region #pokemon lunar #pokemon #lunar region #pokemon region #pokemon fanart #pokemon regional variant #pokemon regional #pokemon fan made region #pokemon fan made #pokemon pidgey #pokemon pidgeotto #pokemon pidgeot #pidgey regional form #pidgeotto regional form #pidgeot regional form #Lunar pidgey #Lunar pigeotto #Lunar Pidgeot

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pontevoix · 1 year ago

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the phoenix, burned & then reborn, is discussed as though it is the same bird, as though its form replicates itself for eternity around an unchanged soul. it is a holy idea, one that breathes promise. it fits well into faith-clutched hard between fingers, because it is an easier thing to grasp than the manufactured alternative : a syringe with a curse, injected into his skin turned into leather. a syringe with a curse, something his body had always been anticipating.

there are no laws for resurrection; there are no laws that dictate what should be done for a life that has been reclaimed as something manmade & natural. there are no laws that say that his soul should remain unchanged, should remain the same.

the problem is that desperation makes things happen, & things need to happen. by reaching shiganshina & discovering proof of marley in grisha’s basement, they had cast a spotlight on themselves. against the harshness of the light, the survivors linked arms so that they could press together & forge themselves stronger in the coming global violence that promises us verses them.

the problem is that even if armin had always been a candidate for the colossal, the inheritance had come at a price : he must prepare to answer desperation. he must agree to change his soul. he must agree to shape himself from one man into three spirits : himself, the commander, the colossal.

he will be a good candidate for commander, but he is not yet. he has not yet transformed. until then he holds onto twisted versions of scrapped-together humanity before he learns to detach it from his body & hold it up as a mask instead.

this transition phase leaves him on the brink of cruelties. but he & eren are not cruel together, even if armin mentions a dead woman & knows the consequences. he knows that it will frame the cruelties from eren.

by allowing eren these cruelties, armin allows eren a reason for guilt. & that’s something cruel too.

‘ i’m letting you do this, ‘ he murmurs again. he thinks aloud as though he were watching pieces of their conversation float on the air. ‘ & i’m still grateful to you. you know that, right ? ‘

& that’s something cruel too. even if he speaks with honesty.

it’s true that eren’s deteriorating, & armin feels like he should have noticed why & when & where. but he had lost control. he had been useless.

so eren is deteriorating. restless awake at night in his bunk like the rest of them. they all stare at the ceiling & lose sleep. they all listen to each other turning in their sheets & wondering how it is that they have survived. they all offer the courtesy of pretending that they heard nothing at all.

it is the one time that they make themselves invisible. they are surviving nine; recently, they have felt all too visible. they never leave the front lines. they never leave the front lines. they never leave the front lines.

armin hates it sometimes. at the same time, adrenaline makes it feel like his life’s best work.

for now, his eyes continue to shine & he presses forward with his poisonous earnestness. he doesn’t care if he cries, really. tear-stained cheeks don’t give anything away other than the fact that hurt had happened. hurt can always happen. but that doesn’t stop anything.

he had burned alive, hadn’t he ? that doesn’t stop anything.

‘ i know i wasn’t meant to die, but i could have. it was luck that you were able to pull it off - keeping me alive . . . but that wasn’t the question. do you wish that you had let me die ? do you worry that would have been kinder ? because i disagree. i told you — i’m still grateful. ‘

he had burned alive. & he continues to live. that doesn’t stop anything.

it’s true that eren’s deteriorating. he picks at his meals in a way that he never had before. armin remembers eren’s mother’s chastising him for eating too fast — he would get sick if he ate like he were in a rush, she said. & sometimes she was right. but for years after her death, armin has watched eren hold onto the childish habit of eating his favorites from his plate before eating the rest.

he still does that without knowing. he picks at his meals in a way that he never had before, but he still does that.

so his hobbies & preferences have not disappeared. he shows them more than he thinks he does. by the same line of reasoning, eren shows his tells more than he thinks does :

agitated breathing & motion & hunger & slowed breathing. but the way he sways is new. this dissociation is new. it’s hard to watch. that doesn’t stop anything.

‘ who do you think you are now, then ? you know why it’s naive to think about bertolt as having been just a soldier, right ? if it had been a matter of his only operating as the colossal — kicking the wall down & then disappearing, then he would have been just a soldier. but he integrated with us too easily. he didn’t have to be a friend for that. but i didn’t know that he could fight like he did at shiganshina. when he was covering for reiner ? mikasa didn’t know that he could fight like he did. what i know about marley is everything that he told us & didn’t mean to. what i know about marley has nothing to do with the soldier. who he was matters because that’s where everything comes out. it’s true for you, too. it matters, because it dictates what you can do. ‘

even when there are things that armin does not know. cannot know. even when there is a curse injected into his blood. even when eren has two curses beating his heart. it matters.

it’s one of the reasons that they are not cruel to each other. even they are.

it’s one of the reasons that armin knows eren doesn’t wish that he were dead.

it’s one of the reasons that eren turns to arrogance & shine when he casts his vision of what things he believes that armin is capable.

it’s sweet, & it’s stupid. armin pushes himself up from the table, pats his side to make sure that he still has his handkerchief — a mundane, nothing gesture. a way of checking for details & details & details that he might otherwise have missed.

he keeps himself harmless in this way. he keeps twisted versions of scrapped-together humanity before he learns to detach it from his body & hold it up as a mask instead.

it’s sweet, & it’s stupid —- the way that eren doesn’t think that armin understands war.

he stands, but he doesn’t pace. he purses his lips into that same almost smile, & he pities himself for the way that eren sees him, for the way that this is proof for something that he already knew : he knows more things about eren than he thinks. eren knows less about armin than he thinks.

there is power in this.

‘ bang, ’ he offers the sound effect lightly. a not-quite joke. he doesn’t want to offer the full truth. he likes this sweet & stupid impression of him. it gives him a reason for pity. ‘ the first time i killed a man, i threw up. ‘ he doesn’t want to offer the full truth, so he moves ahead. ‘ what i have been reading hasn’t been light-reading. it’s not for a hobby. ‘

it is the beginning of how he hones a new part of himself. it’s the cultivating of the strengths of erwin smith into this new body, into greater destruction. there are no laws that say that his soul should remain unchanged.

‘ i’ll grant you that the people in this book aren’t important, but everywhere — people are the same. they get greedy in the same ways. they build power in the same ways. they want empires in commerce, in bodies, in land. this reading is to learn the patterns. ‘ he speaks like a dictionary definition. armin is a dictionary definition.

‘ i don’t need to learn destruction. ‘

i already know it. i am destruction. i am evolving into wasteland. even if i have hopes for what wasteland can be. that is what separates him bertolt ( stuck in his restless sleep ). he has hopes.

eren brushes past him, & he’s not well. he grieves, but he’s bad at grief. he’s better at devastation.

armin has a claim in this. he is destruction. he is someone familiar. so he follows & presses the palm of his hand to eren’s upper arm.

he thumbs over the muscle there. either to soothe or to encourage things to burn.

is this about your mother? carla's face settles in front of him; it makes his stomach twist into knots & his chest ache. he had been a terrible son; he had fought in only the way that children can, never wanting to do chores when it came down to it. his heart aches for her –– she should never have been brought into it, but he had to have a reason that his younger self would want to fight. he had to have some sort of sacrifice, & grisha never would've been a good one. it had to be a loss that would hurt, & all these years later it does. it hurts more knowing that this is his fault. that everything will always be his fault. he can't tell anyone about it, either. he cannot launch the burden onto someone else's shoulders.

it makes him pull deeper into himself.

there are nights when he curls up closer in his bunk, letting out shaky breathes that he tries to stifle against his fist. it's too much –– there's too much in his head. it keeps biting, dragging its nails into his skin until he feels like his entire being is going to collapse. this girl keeps showing him too much –– the world keeps bleeding & fading & turning itself inside out. sometimes he's in the present & other times he is silent, eyes staring off into a far place that only he can see. it makes him feel far more war ridden than he truly is. he was so young & yet everything about him feels so old at the same time.

it makes his head hurt. it makes him realize the kind of things that he's going to have to do in complete images that make him want to break. he's not even hurt them yet & he wants to get on his knees & beg forgiveness. the worst part is that he knows if he confided in them, they would help. they would ease this burden, they would find other ways; & she won't let them. she knows what she wants, her hands around his throat & strings wrapped around his wrists.

all eren has ever wanted was freedom. he thinks it very ironic that it's the one thing now that he will never obtain.

he can't pin point one time –– the trauma keeps folding in on itself, a perfect origami of bloodshed that soaks the parchment clean through. one moment it's his home, his mother being crushed –– the next it's watching erwin die, watching armin come back to life.

he lets out a slow breath, blinks when he realizes he hasn't in a few moments, realizes that his body has begun swaying without his permission. it's a new habit –– when he's lost in that haze & feels the world closing around his throat, his body responds. it tries to comfort him, tries to rock him like a mother would to a child to soothe. it makes too many emotions rise up in his throat, tears that he will choke on later against a pillow that he pretends will give comfort. he will not cry in front of armin –– she won't let him. her nails are dug in now & she wants him to be cruel, or she will make him pay for it later. the world has always been cruel to her, so she will be cruel back –– the void of her face scares him. he wonders if that will be him; consumed by nothing but hatred & the need for revenge.

maybe that's what made him such a perfect target for all of this. hadn't that been all he had been for so long now?

" you weren't meant to die, " the words are whispered out, tightened against the leash that is around his throat. green eyes are too bright when they look at him, too big; moons that are orbiting on auto command but never truly knowing why. he can feel the anxiety creep into his skin & into his chest; he wants to grab armin, wants to shake him & beg him to see through all of this, to use his brain & destroy him before he can destroy everything else. he's not a good person, he'll never be a good person, but he wants to be desperately.

he wants to be better for them. he wants to pull them close & never let go. & more importantly, he wishes that he could take the curse from armin, that there had been some other way. this isn't what he ever wanted for him.

he doesn't regret the case that he had pleaded or armin being here now. he just regrets that he had to damn him in order to save him.

there's no need to quarantine him because armin is nothing more than scouts. he is loyalty that's been bred from childhood, & no one seriously thinks that he'd be anything but theirs. even the colossal in his veins can't take over him –– he is ancient & looks down at all of them, but they've already accepted the new vessel in which they will live. bertolt is nothing more than a fleeting memory, another part that will show armin how to use the destroyer & use it well. armin would never be swayed by marley or what it has to offer. but armin will now be destruction. he will have to step forward & be a soldier instead of just a strategic member that settles in the sidelines.

it's complicated in ways that eren can't even explain. he looks at his friend & sees where his titan lines will be. he sees the colossal overlap their faces together. he sees the demon that his friend will have to become, how he will look down at the shrapnel of what he's done & realize the lives he has taken, the things that it will cost him mentally. he is nothing like bertolt –– bertolt could do this without feelings getting in the way. he knew how to be a soldier.

sometimes, eren doesn't think armin understands what it means to shake hands with the colossus & walk away a brand new vessel for destruction.

" who i was then doesn't matter. i was a kid. that's just typical bullshit & i didn't want to be told how to make my bed. i've made it for years, i know how to do it. " a petulant shrug of his shoulders because he doesn't remember it. he barely remembers who he is now some days. he's a vessel for so much & he doesn't understand. it makes him anxious, makes him dissociate until he is nothing more than someone who is floating with every step. some days, being inside of his titan is the only thing that makes sense. some days he forgets to eat. some days he forgets how to be human.

tongue presses into his canines, nicks the tip of his tongue so that he can taste iron flood his mouth. it makes the world stop spinning & diving for a long moment. it makes him come back into his body again –– he counts the teeth & bites the hand. she will punish him later.

" you would have never slit bertolt's throat. if mikasa hadn't stepped in, he would've killed you. you're not the type to take lives, armin. you never have been. i just don't think you realize that now you're going to have to. you're destruction. you're a titan. just…make sure you actually grow some balls & use it instead of simpering away like he did. "

finish your mission when you're given it. you won't want to, but do it.

eren takes in a shaky breath again, blinks a few times as the world swims & his eyes burn. vivid greens keep themselves on the ground now, his fingers absently playing with a string. he doesn't even know where he got it from. " that means learning destruction instead of sitting in a library with dusty books with no information around you. the only volumes that mattered were the ones that were in grisha's library & we've looked them over already. "

there's a twist in his stomach as he stands, brushes past armin & lets his shoulder bump against his as he does so. fingers run against the spines of books that are well worn & cracked, others that are in pristine condition. the ones that are journals, scrawled in grisha's script.

he has the urge to burn it down. wants to take a match & strike it just to watch it burn. to watch his father's legacy burn just like his father had done to him. he had taken a legacy & happily let it destroy itself.

he understands his brother more than he could ever imagine. they are both nothing. his father has damned both of them.

& now he can't escape from it. now, the world rests in the palm of his hands & he has to destroy it.

there's a noise that leaves his lips. he doesn't realize it until it's too late, until a wet droplet rolls from his cheek to the back of his hand. doesn't realize the way that his teeth are grit too hard, the way his jaw aches with the pressure.

then he's giving the shelf in front of him a harsh shove, watching with satisfaction as it teeters until it crashes against the wall & his father's journals go sprawling. he hopes lightning strikes. he hopes it starts it on fire. he hopes grisha is erased for the damn things that he's done.

#100. c. arlert #sdfg damn #sdfg #chaoslulled

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scienceraccoon · 2 years ago

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A charm that makes a tiny paper dragon hatch from a fortune cookie

#Four friends are sitting in a studio apartment eating chinese takeout #It is dark and rainy but the lights from the street shine through the window in neon streaks #After a little convincing the boy in the dark blue hoodie unwraps his fortune cookie and holds it in his outstretched hand #There is no visible change but the three watching can feel it come alive #It grows warm against the boy's palm #There's a rustling sound and then a crack #The cookie splits in two #Out comes a dragon #It looks as though it were made by origami but the details are impossibly small #It could not have been folded with paper as small as a fortune #Its body is covered in the criss-crossing blue ink of the fortune folded too tightly to read #It rustles as it flies lazily around the room undulating smoothly #But the sounds of moving paper are drowned out for now by excited giggles and idle conversation #By the time the food is gone the dragons movements have slowed #It falls to the ground almost silently #The boy in the blue hoodie is the only one who watches it fall #He reaches to the floor to pick it up and it has turned back into a slip of paper #It is blank #The fortune is gone

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perpetual-stories · 4 years ago

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22 Essential Literary Devices and How to Use Them In Your Writing

hello, happy Monday. Hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

I will skip the pre-info and dive right into it.

What Is a Literary Device?

is a tool used by writers to hint at larger themes, ideas, and meaning in a story or piece of writing

The List of Literary Devices:

Allegory. Allegory is a literary device used to express large, complex ideas in an approachable manner. Allegory allows writers to create some distance between themselves and the issues they are discussing, especially when those issues are strong critiques of political or societal realities.

Allusion. An allusion is a popular literary device used to develop characters, frame storylines, and help create associations to well-known works. Allusions can reference anything from Victorian fairy tales and popular culture to the Bible and the Bard. Take the popular expression “Bah humbug”—an allusion that references Charles Dickens’ novella A Christmas Carol. The phrase, which is often used to express dissatisfaction, is associated with the tale’s curmudgeonly character, Ebenezer Scrooge.

Anachronism. Imagine reading a story about a caveman who microwaves his dinner, or watching a film adaptation of a Jane Austen novel in which the characters text each other instead of writing letters. These circumstances are examples of anachronisms, or an error in chronology—the kind that makes audiences raise their eyebrows or do a double-take. Sometimes anachronisms are true blunders; other times, they’re used intentionally to add humor or to comment on a specific time period in history.

Cliffhanger. It’s a familiar feeling: You’re on minute 59 of an hour-long television episode, and the protagonist is about to face the villain—and then episode cuts to black. Known as a cliffhanger, this plot device marks the end of a section of a narrative with the express purpose of keeping audiences engaged in the story.

Dramatic Irony. Remember the first time you read or watched Romeo and Juliet? The tragic ending of this iconic story exemplifies dramatic irony: The audience knows that the lovers are each alive, but neither of the lovers knows that the other is still alive. Each drinks their poison without knowing what the audience knows. Dramatic irony is used to great effect in literature, film, and television.

Extended Metaphor. Extended metaphors build evocative images into a piece of writing and make prose more emotionally resonant. Examples of extended metaphor can be found across all forms of poetry and prose. Learning to use extended metaphors in your own work will help you engage your readers and improve your writing.

Foreshadowing. At its core, storytelling has one ambition: to capture and sustain your reader’s attention and keep them reading your story. Foreshadowing, or slyly indicating a future event, is one technique a writer can use to create and build suspense.

Humor. Humor brings people together and has the power to transform how we think about the world. Of course, not everyone is adept at being funny—particularly in their writing. Making people laugh takes some skill and finesse, and, because so much relies on instinct, is harder to teach than other techniques. However, all writers can benefit from learning more about how humor functions in writing.

Imagery. If you’ve practiced or studied creative writing, chances are you’ve encountered the expression “paint a picture with words.” In poetry and literature, this is known as imagery: the use of figurative language to evoke a sensory experience in the reader. When a poet uses descriptive language well, they play to the reader’s senses, providing them with sights, tastes, smells, sounds, internal and external feelings, and even deep emotion. The sensory details in imagery bring works to life.

Irony. Irony is an oft-misunderstood literary device that hinges on opposites: what things are on the surface, and what they end up actually being. Many learn about dramatic irony through works of theater like Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet or Sophocles’s Oedipus Rex. When deployed with skill, irony is a powerful tool that adds depth and substance to a piece of writing.

Metaphor, Simile, and Analogy. Metaphors, similes, and analogies are three techniques used in speech and writing to make comparisons. Each is used in a different way, and differentiating between the three can get a little tricky: For example, a simile is actually a subcategory of metaphor, which means all similes are metaphors, but not all metaphors are similes. Knowing the similarities and differences between metaphor, simile, and analogy can help you identify which is best to use in any scenario and help make your writing stronger.

Motif. A motif is a repeated element that has symbolic significance to a story. Sometimes a motif is a recurring image. Sometimes it’s a repeated word or phrase or topic. A motif can be a recurrent situation or action. It can be a sound or a smell or a temperature or a color. The defining aspect is that a motif repeats, and through this repetition, a motif helps to illuminate the central ideas, themes, and deeper meaning of the story in which it appears.

Motif vs. Symbol. Both motifs and symbols are used across artistic mediums: Painters, sculptors, playwrights, and musicians all use motifs and symbols in their respective art forms. And while they are similar literary terms, “motif” and “symbol” are not synonyms.

Oxymoron. An oxymoron is a figure of speech: a creative approach to language that plays with meaning and the use of words in a non-literal sense. This literary device combines words with contradictory definitions to coin a new word or phrase (think of the idiom “act naturally”—how can you be your natural self if you’re acting?). The incongruity of the resulting statement allows writers to play with language and meaning.

Paradox. “This sentence is a lie.” This self-referential statement is an example of a paradox—a contradiction that questions logic. In literature, paradoxes can elicit humor, illustrate themes, and provoke readers to think critically.

Personification. In writing, figurative language—using words to convey a different meaning outside the literal one—helps writers express themselves in more creative ways. One popular type of figurative language is personification: assigning human attributes to a non-human entity or inanimate object in an effort to express a point or idea in a more colorful, imaginative way.

Satire. Satire is so prevalent in pop culture that most of us are already very familiar with it, even if we don’t always realize it. Satire is an often-humorous way of poking fun at the powers that be. Sometimes, it is created with the goal to drive social change. Satire can be part of any work of culture, art, or entertainment—it has a long history, and it is as relevant today as it was in ancient Rome.

Situational Irony. Irony: it’s clear as mud. Theorists quibble about the margins of what constitutes irony, but situational irony is all around us—from humorous news headlines to the shock twists in a book or TV show. This type of irony is all about the gap between our expectations and reality, and it can make a memorable and powerful impression when we encounter it.

Suspense. No matter what type of story you’re telling, suspense is a valuable tool for keeping a reader’s attention and interest. Building suspense involves withholding information and raising key questions that pique readers’ curiosity. Character development plays a big role in generating suspense; for example, if a character’s desire is not fulfilled by the end of the book, the story will not feel complete for the reader.

Symbolism. An object, concept, or word does not have to be limited to a single meaning. When you see red roses growing in a garden, what comes to mind? Perhaps you think literally about the rose—about its petals, stem, and thorns, or even about its stamen and pistil as a botanist might. But perhaps your mind goes elsewhere and starts thinking about topics like romance, courtship, and Valentine’s Day. Why would you do this? The reason, of course, is that over the course of many generations, a rose’s symbolic meaning has evolved to include amorous concepts.

Verisimilitude. Verisimilitude (pronounced ve-ri-si-mi-li-tude) is a theoretical concept that determines the semblance of truth in an assertion or hypothesis. It is also an essential tenet of fiction writing. Verisimilitude helps to encourage a reader’s willing suspension of disbelief. When using verisimilitude in writing, the goal is to be credible and convincing.

Vignette. A writer’s job is to engage readers through words. Vignettes—poetic slices-of-life—are a literary device that brings us deeper into a story. Vignettes step away from the action momentarily to zoom in for a closer examination of a particular character, concept, or place. Writers use vignettes to shed light on something that wouldn’t be visible in the story’s main plot.

I’ll make a post going into each of them individually in more detail later on!

Like, reblog and comment if you find this useful! If you share on Instagram tag me perpetualstories

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#writing #writing advice #writing tips #original writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writersconnection #writersofig #writersofinstagram #writings

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thegoosewiththemost · 3 years ago

Text

Haunting - Part 17

Summary: asking the important questions.

Read Part 16 here

A week passes. And then another slips by without notice. The days run short now that you and Betelgeuse are both busy either having new adventures together or at being at work. Despite all the changes there’s still the constant reassurance of curling up next to each other on the couch or in bed to debrief or watch a movie. Some days, you teach him to cook and slowly, he’s been getting the hang of it which is a better result than you could hope for really. It’s so… domestic in the ways you had dreamt of. You had known that falling for him, as unlikely as it seemed to be, was a possibility. But it was still hard to reconcile your feelings in the situation that you had both been thrust into and the rules you had to play by.

The house is always quiet in the morning. It’s during this time that you contemplate and collect your thoughts on the ex-demon currently snoring in your bed.

You’d been paying Betelgeuse quite a bit of attention lately and it wasn’t simply because the days were running out. Ever since the dinner, your relationship with him had grown into something much more than friends or cuddle buddies. He had caught onto your interest in him almost immediately after your dinner like a bloodhound on your scent and now he was unashamedly trying his best to seduce you.

A secret part of you liked the tease and the feeling of being wanted, but you couldn’t help but think that this was only an easy bit for him to stay alive.

As you leaned against the kitchen bench waiting for the kettle to come to a boil with the thoughts circulating in your half awake mind, you felt arms snake around your waist and press you against a warm body.

“Mornin’ toots, you got up early today.”

His breath against your neck is making you feel things that you’re not sure you should be feeling and you shiver at your overactive imagination which has honed in on that single sensation like a fish on a hook.

Who were you to him?

Idly, you reach a hand up behind you to ruffle his hair. “Didn’t you hear the bird singing outside the window? I couldn’t go back to sleep.”

He growls softly and your heart skids across the floor faster than your mind can catch up with. “Well looks like I’ll have to do something about it. Don’t be surprised if you come home to fresh bird pie one day.” The smirk in his voice tells you know that he is actually considering it as an option.

“I like that bird!”

“And I like staying in bed with you.”

Before he can say anymore and you can think about the potential implications of what he just said, you swivel clutching the jar of tea leaves to your chest as though it can stave off your attachment to him.

“The water’s on the boil, do you want some tea?”

A curious gleam flits in his eyes as he examines your face with interest. “You’re brewing more than just tea, aren’t ya?”

Flustered at the sudden attention being paid to you, you cast your eyes toward the floor. You feel almost like you’re at a crossroads with the way he puts you under the microscope. Were you ready to open this conversation now or should you wait a little longer? Three days out from the deadline, you were running out of time. You weren’t sure you would get another opportunity. It was now or never.

“Yeah. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

“Shoot.” The cogs in his mind go to work, sensing that this is nothing to joke about. He takes a step back, giving you the space you need to compose yourself.

“Do you still want to live?”

You see Betelgeuse visibly stiffen.

“Wha- of course I do! What made you ask that?!”

“I thought that maybe you might feel differently after experiencing it for yourself. I just want to check in with you on how you’re feeling about all this. About us.”

“Babes, being with you, living life with you has made me feel.. so happy, for the first time in my existence. I couldn’t ask for better.”

His words curl around your heart and settle there, reassuring you as you continue on.

“Does that mean you still want to be with me?”

“I’ve wanted to be with you for a long time now, nothing’s changed. And I’m not just saying that because I want to stay alive.” He adds, sensing your doubt at his sentiment.

“I want a life with you.”

“And what are you picturing in this future of yours?” You tease.

“I want life just as it is now, movie nights on the couch, snuggling in bed, days out in the sun, or the rain. Maybe a little family of our own if you’re up for it. I just want you there with me.”

Even a foot away, it feels like there’s too much space between you. Crossing that chasm of space and tension you hold him close and mumble into his pajamas. “I think I’m falling for you. And, I want that life too. I want you in it.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I’m ready.”

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice musical #beetlejuice x reader #musicaljuice x reader #musicaljuice #brightjuice #blumjuice #koberjuice

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lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks · 4 years ago

Text

Grabbing Smoke

As much time as Sam spent with her best friends, sometimes she enjoyed a little bit of time alone.

Tucker was helping his mother bake cookies for some kind of fundraiser for the hospital, and Danny was busy visiting Pandora for fighting lessons. Apparently they were using swords today.

As fun as it sounded, Sam opted to stay behind, it had been a while since she'd been down to the park to feed the ducks. She didn't get quiet moments like that very often any more.

There was an uncharacteristic skip to her gait as she walked to the park, a canvas tote bag swinging from her arm.

Living in Amity Park, and especially hanging around with Danny, gave her an eerie sense to when something was amiss. Nothing quite like Danny's ghost sense, but she'd learned to detect a particular chill to the air, a prickling at the back of her neck. It could easily be mistaken for a chilly breeze, but Sam knew better. The crunch of gravel under Sam's boots was the only sound permeating the still air, not even the trees were rustling.

She continued her walk through the park, past the wishing fountain and through a trail where the trees grew slightly more dense.

The trail opened up to a large pond, it wasn't anything especially picturesque, the reeds were a little overgrown, the ground was muddy, but there were a few simple weather worn benches by the path that looped around the water.

Sam took a seat, pulling out a bag of frozen peas. She opened it, tipped a few into her hand and tossed them into the water.

The ducks immediately sped across the pond toward her, fighting for the peas that the turtles hadn't already gotten to.

Instead of grabbing another handful, she held the bag out to the empty seat to her left, waiting for a moment before shaking the bag impatiently.

A green hand slipped into the bag, pulling out a handful of peas before tossing them into the water.

"How'd you know I was here?" Kitty asked, now sitting visibly on the other end of the bench as Sam poured out more peas for both of them.

"I have my ways." Sam smirked. "What I want to know is why you've been following me all week."

"You knew for that long and you didn't say nothin'?" Kitty huffed. "Damn, I gotta up my game."

A duck waddled up and nibbled on her boot.

"Alright alright, ya hungry little doofus." Kitty lowered a hand full of peas and cooed as the duck happily ate from her palm. "Aww these guys aren't shy at all, do you come here a lot?"

"When I can." Sam tossed a few more peas into the water for the turtles. "So why are you following me?"

Kitty sat back and pressed her lips together, thinking.

"Look it's just... I don't remember much from when I was livin', you know? It's all sorta grey and fuzzy, I can't remember what anyone looked like, except Johnny." she tossed some peas to a smaller duck at the back of the group. "But as soon as I showed up here in town and I saw your face, I thought I felt... I dunno, somethin'. Like I'd seen you before, or maybe you just reminded me of someone, but I can't remember who, it's like grabbing smoke."

She lobbed a few peas a little harder than was necessary at the water. The turtles sucked them up greedily.

"So you've just been following me hoping you might remember something else?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Kitty sighed. "But it's not working."

Sam swung her foot idly between a pair of scuffling ducks, splitting them up before tossing out some more peas.

"Maybe I'm related to someone you knew. Where did you grow up?"

Kitty frowned down at the water.

"I... I don't know." she said, deflating somewhat. "I didn't even realise I forgot that."

Sam couldn't help but feel for her, Danny had told her that ghosts would often forget things from their past, especially once they'd been dead for longer than they'd been alive. Somehow she had never really considered how terrifying that must be.

"You know..." Sam started carefully. "I could show you some old family photos. Maybe you'll recognise someone?"

Kitty looked up, eyes shining brightly.

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Why not?" Sam shrugged. "If you were here to cause trouble you would have done it by now."

"Aw, I never thought you'd wanna do something like that for me." said Kitty, smiling brightly. "You always seemed like such a bitch."

Sam laughed.

"If you'd spent a week being someone that wasn't Paulina, I would probably have seemed like less of a bitch."

"So you guys are big rivals or somethin'?" Kitty asked, grabbing some more peas and giggling as three ducks tried to eat from her hand at once.

"It's more that we have... conflicting ideologies. She thinks that appearances and reputation are the most important things in life, just like my parents." Sam lobbed some more peas into the water, they both watched them disappear as the turtles quickly snapped them up. "It's shallow and stupid, and I don't get why they have to push that shit on everyone. I don't care what people think, I just want to be whoever the hell I wanna be without having to fight for it all the time."

Kitty's face turned contemplative as she tapped her nails on the back of the bench.

"I think... I was like that." she said, slowly. "I wanted to feel fun and exciting, but my parents..."

She trailed off, frowning.

"My parents... I didn't like them. They didn't like me bein' the way I was, I can't really remember why."

Sam emptied out the last of the peas and scattered them over the ground, she scrunched up the empty packet and shoved it back into her tote bag.

"You know, if we went to school together we would probably have gotten along." said Sam as she stood up, gesturing toward the path. "Let's go check out those photos."

Instead of floating invisibly behind, Kitty walked by Sam's side as they headed back to her house. She idly waved at people as they drove past, grinning when someone stared a little too long and almost ran a red light.

"You know, it's nice bein' able to walk around in the day." Kitty said, skipping a little. "Wish I could do it more often."

"What's stopping you?"

"What do you think?" Kitty's lip pulled up in disgust. "Any time I show up your dumb friend sucks me up in his stupid thermos. Only reason I can walk around right now is because I got you as my get out of jail free card."

"Danny doesn't care if you just want to walk around." Sam scoffed. "He lets ghosts wander around town all the time, he only gets involved when you start breaking things."

"Uggghhh but just walking around is so boring." Kitty pouted. "I mean yeah it's nice and I like it but it gets old real quick."

"Then you'll have to get used to getting tossed back in the ghost zone. Do not pass go, do not collect $200."

"Don't you ever get sick of his goody goody attitude?" Kitty asked. "I mean you and I aren't so different right? You're all about the rebel gig, don't you ever feel like keyin' some asshole's car, or takin' a baseball bat to some mail boxes?"

"Only if they deserve it." said Sam with a smirk. "But I feel like you aren't especially picky about whose stuff you're breaking."

They approached the door to the Manson mansion, Sam hopped up the steps and stuck the key in the lock. She touched the mezuzah on the doorpost without a second thought before opening the door and standing aside to invite Kitty in.

The ghost stared up at her warily.

"I can't get past it."

"Past what?" Sam asked.

"The mezuzah, it keeps me out."

"What?" Sam frowned. "It hasn't stopped other ghosts from getting in."

"Well it stops me." Kitty insisted. "I think it's got somethin' to do with what we believed in when we were alive. I haven't got a problem with churches but when Johnny tried to ride his bike through one he couldn't get in. His mom raised him Catholic, he says he doesn't believe in any of that stuff, but I think he still does, deep down."

"So does that mean you were Jewish?" Sam asked, smiling curiously.

"I AM Jewish." Kitty crossed her arms. "Bein' a ghost hasn't changed that, it just... means that we got a few things a little wrong."

Sam thought about that for a moment, before stepping aside and gesturing toward the door again.

"Well, if you've been invited and you're not going to cause any trouble, then I don't see why you shouldn't be able to come in."

Kitty climbed the steps slowly, fingers reaching out and cautiously brushing over the mezuzah, she didn't feel anything unusual, no zap or burn or pain. She took a step through the doorway and passed the threshold without issue, no invisible force or barrier like the last time she tried to follow Sam inside.

"Well, what do you know." she said, grinning.

Sam lead her into a large, open planned kitchen and dining area, the tiles were bright white save for the specks of mud Sam's boots tracked through the room. The decor was minimalist, the atmosphere bland and sterile, she could smell some kind of citrus surface cleaner.

The back wall was all windows, leading to a patio surrounded by perfectly trimmed grass. As they approached, Sam turned, heading towards a door to their right.

The next room felt a lot more friendly, it was full of bookshelves and red tones. The lounges looked soft and inviting, a fireplace sat cold and empty against the back wall, but Kitty didn't have to try hard to imagine it roaring to life, filling the room with its warm glow.

"This is basically my Grandma's part of the house." Sam informed her, voice low. "Her bedroom is just through there, she's usually napping around this time of day so try not to make too much noise."

Kitty slipped off her jacket and laid it over the back of the lounge, already feeling at home in the cosy little room. She looked over the books as Sam fussed around some kind of large ornate chest.

"Here it is." She hefted a large photo album from the chest, carefully closing and latching it again. "Let's see if you recognise anyone in here."

Kitty sat down beside Sam as she opened up the pristine book, the outer cover was beige with the name Manson inscribed in golden cursive on the front. The first page was full of old faded photos, in greyscale or sepia tones.

"Ugh, I'm not that old." said Kitty, flicking ahead a few pages.

The pictures were colourful now, but still grainy, there was a young blonde boy in seventies style jeans leaning casually against a Chevrolet.

"Wait hold up," Kitty pointed at the boy. "Him, I feel like I've seen him before."

"That's my dad." said Sam, surprised. "His name is Jeremy, did you know him?"

Kitty hummed a little, gently tracing a finger over the picture.

"Jeremy... Jeremy, I'm not sure," she frowned. "But he definitely looks familiar."

They continued through the book, when suddenly Kitty slapped her hand down roughly on a photo of a pair of young women.

"Her! I know her! She was a mega bitch!"

"Shhh keep it down." Sam hissed.

"Sorry," Kitty pointed to the blonde girl in the photo. "That one! I don't know how I knew her, but I definitely knew her. She was a total brat."

Sam slipped the photo out of its sleeve and read the neat cursive on the back.

"This is... my Aunt Caroline, in 1985. She's my dad's sister." Sam looked up at Kitty, amused. "I can't believe you had beef with my family."

"Your family are snobs." Kitty sniffed. "Carrie was such a ditz, she thought she was sooo bitchin' because her daddy bought her a Mercedes."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Sam grimaced. "Did you guys go to school together or something?"

"Maybe..." Kitty took the photo from Sam's hand, staring intently. "I'm pretty sure I skipped school a lot, I hated it there. It was a private school, we had to wear uniforms, barf."

"I would never have guessed you were a private school kid." Sam shook her head. "But most people would say that about me so it's not like I can judge."

"You went to private school?" Kitty asked, "How'd you end up in that Casper High dump?"

"Got myself expelled." said Sam, voice thick with pride. "Elementary, middle and high school, got kicked out of all three."

"Damn, you're good."

Sam grinned, slipping the photo back in its sleeve and continuing to the next page.

Kitty pointed to a few other photos, remarking on their familiarity, but not quite able to grasp how she knew them, the memories only flickered in her periphery.

"Wait," Kitty whispered, fingers brushing over a polaroid containing three people. "This is..."

The picture looked as though it were taken at some kind of party, a man and a woman faced the camera, each with a glass of champagne raised in their hands. The woman's other hand rested on the shoulder of a teenage girl with auburn hair, pulled into a tidy braid. She stared glumly at the camera.

"That's Katherine." Sam said, pointing to the girl. "She was my dad's cousin, but she got hit by a car when she was-"

Sam paused, looking over at Kitty's wide eyes and then back to the photo.

"Noooo way." Sam pulled the photo out of the sleeve. "Is this you?"

Kitty took the photo in trembling hands.

"I... I forgot I used to look like that." she fiddled with a lock of her green, teased hair. "I remember this party, I didn't want to go but mom and dad threatened to take away all my records and cassettes if I didn't."

Sam stared at Kitty, mouth agape.

"You're Car Crash Katherine?! My dad talks about you all the time! He always told me about the shit you used to get up to, he'd tell me that any kind of 'rebellious behaviour' was a slippery slope to 'dying on the back of some delinquent's motorcycle'." Sam put a hand on Kitty's shoulder. "You were my bad influence role model."

Kitty's red eyes shone with tears, photo still in hand, she wrapped her arms around Sam.

"This is majorly wicked! My legacy lives on! Corrupting the youth from beyond the grave!" Kitty laughed. "My parents would go totally mental."

She stopped laughing, her face turning forlorn as she drew back from Sam and stared down at the picture.

"Are they still alive?" she asked, a tremble in her voice.

"Yeah..." said Sam. "They live in a retirement home in Florida. They don't come around very often."

Kitty traced a finger over their faces.

"I wonder if they miss me." she said quietly. "Or if they were glad to be rid of the family embarrassment."

Sam didn't answer, she had wondered the same thing herself, if her parents would even care if she died. They hadn't given her a lot of reason to think they would.

She rested a sympathetic hand on Kitty's arm.

"Oh, you have a friend over bubbeleh?" a croaky voice spoke from the bedroom doorway.

Sam and Kitty both turned to see Ida Manson shuffling into the room, cleaning her glasses with her sleeve.

"Sorry Grandma, we didn't mean to be too loud." Sam apologised. "This is my... um, friend, Kitty. Kitty this is my Grandma Ida-"

"Ida?!" Kitty shot to her feet, staring in shock at the old woman. "Aunt Ida?!"

Ida squinted at Kitty, before quickly setting her glasses back on her face.

"Well as I live and breath, is that you Kathy?"

"Oh my god this is getting super weird." Sam whispered.

Kitty leapt over the ottoman to wrap Ida up in a tight hug, the old woman was surprised for a moment, but held her warmly in return.

"It's me Aunt Ida! Not really living or breathing but it's me!" Kitty laughed breathlessly.

"Oh my goodness, when all the ghosts started showing up all over town I wondered if I would ever see someone I knew." She rubbed comforting circles on Kitty's back as the ghost choked on a few sobs. "It's good to see you again Kathy."

Ida pulled away and wiped a tear from Kitty's face.

"And I'm so glad you aren't stuck wearing what your parents buried you in."

Kitty couldn't help but laugh through her tears.

"Let me guess, it was that putrid blue dress, wasn't it?"

"The dress wasn't nearly as bad as what they did to your hair." Ida snickered, patting Kitty's hand. "It had little ribbons in it and everything."

"I almost forgot you." Kitty placed her palm gently against Ida's face. "You were the only one in the family who ever loved me for being me, and I almost forgot you. I'm so sorry, I should have come to find you sooner but I just-"

"Shhhh, it's okay bubbeleh." Ida grasped her hand tight. "I think being dead is a pretty good excuse for forgetting a few things."

Sam stood beside the lounge, watching the two in shock, she wasn't entirely certain whether or not to intrude. Whatever she had been expecting to discover with Kitty today, it certainly hadn't been this.

Though in hindsight, it did explain Kitty's familiarity with Sam, people always said she had taken after her Grandma.

Ida let go of Kitty and hobbled over to the photo album still sitting on the lounge.

"Oh you don't want to look at that album." she said, as she shoved it onto the coffee table. She wandered to the other side of the room and began rummaging around in a small cupboard. "You want this one."

She pulled out a book with well worn, peeling edges. Pieces of the plastic sleeves had cracked off and crumbled away. It was old, and weatherbeaten, it was obvious that Ida had looked through it many many times.

"Here we go." she sat down in the middle of the lounge, gesturing for the two girls to come sit beside her. "These are the forbidden photos."

She opened the pages, the photos inside were entirely different from the 'official' album, there were no perfectly poised, prim and proper photos of people in nice, presentable clothes. They were all candid shots, people in the middle of eating or laughing, some were stumbling around blind drunk, a few were smoking joints. There were pictures from parties and protest rallies, in backyards and drive ins.

There was a picture of Jeremy as a young boy, grinning with one of his front teeth missing and grass in his hair.

"Only in this family would losing your baby teeth make a photo 'unsavoury'." Ida grizzled as she continued through the album. "I saved so many pictures that my husband would have thrown out otherwise."

"Ugh, Uncle Peter was such a prude, he wouldn't even let me in the house if I didn't have my shoulders covered up." Kitty rolled her eyes.

"He used to be so much more relaxed when we were young." Ida sighed. "He changed when he inherited his father's business, he forgot how to have fun."

A few pages later Kitty squealed in excitement.

"Oh my god! That's Frankie! She was my best friend, we used to do everything together!"

The Kitty in the photo looked far more like the Kitty Sam knew. Her hair was teased up, and she was wearing a crop top and a miniskirt. The other girl, Frankie, had short curled hair and a leather jacket. They each had an arm around the others' shoulder and grinned wildly.

"I love this one." Ida smiled as she pulled the picture out of the sleeve. "That was the night I gave you a lift to that concert."

"Oh that show was sooo good! I got my nose pierced there! It got so infected, Mom grounded me for a month." Kitty laughed.

"Man, and I thought I was cool for skipping school to go see Circus Gothica." Sam grinned. "I'm gonna have to come home with a tattoo next time."

"I can't believe I forgot about Frankie, I can't believe I forgot about all of this." Kitty held the photo close to her chest, a few tears running down her face. "I'm so glad it's not gone for good."

She kept the photo in hand as they looked through the rest of the album. There were many pictures of Ida, all of them with other people of all walks of life.

"Oh this was when you took us to that pride parade!" Kitty smiled. "You made Frankie so happy, and you knew a lot of the drag queens there, like a LOT."

"Grandma took me to a drag show when I was 10," said Sam. "Even took me backstage to meet them all, my parents thought we went to the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet."

"Oh I have photos from that." Ida flipped through the pages, getting closer to the end of the album. "Here we are, oh Evelyn just LOVED you."

Sam looked at the picture of Evelyn, frowning slightly.

"Oh weird, she kinda looks like Mr Lancer's sister, he keeps her photo on his desk..." Sam paused as she processed what she just said. "That's not his sister is it?"

"You probably shouldn't bring it up." said Ida gently. "Teachers can get in trouble for associating with this sort of thing."

"That's so bogus!" Kitty cried. "I really thought this kinda stuff would be better in the future!"

"It is," Ida assured her. "But we're a long way from perfect."

Ida flipped back through the album, searching for more pictures of Kitty and Frankie. There were a good few of them, each one Ida pulled out and passed over for Kitty to look at and hold onto.

"Oh woah, is that Johnny?" Sam pointed to a picture of Kitty sitting on the back of a motorcycle with a blonde boy. "He looks exactly the same, just a little less pale."

"Oh, did Johnny come back as a ghost too?" Ida asked.

"Yeah! We've been together all this time, in sickness and in death." Kitty beamed. "Mom and dad blamed him for everything I did, even if he wasn't around when I did it. They said him and Frankie were 'corrupting' me."

She rolled her eyes.

"I bet they blamed him for my death too. They'd be so mad if they knew we were still together."

"Just goes to show they had no chance of keeping you two apart." Ida said. "Not even death could do that."

Kitty held the photo tight in both hands, her shoulders began to shake slightly.

"It was my fault you know." she said with a trembling little giggle. "Funny huh? My parents always blamed him for everything, but in the end it was my fault we got hit. We were havin' a fight over somethin' stupid and I distracted him-"

Ida wrapped an arm around Kitty, patting her head comfortingly as she laid it against the old woman's shoulder.

"I think you're being too hard on yourself bubbeleh." Ida whispered gently into her hair. "It was raining, the truck that hit you was running a red light, the driver was charged for both your deaths. Even if you did distract him, you weren't the only card at play that night."

She gave Kitty a light shake.

"And don't think I didn't see the way Johnny used to drive that thing, he was reckless. I have no doubt that he wasn't paying as much attention as he should have been." She placed a kiss on the girl's forehead and squeezed her tight. "It's not fair to hold all of that responsibility on yourself, even if you both did everything right, that truck still would have run that red light, it still would have been raining. It was just pure rotten luck."

Sam had never heard a ghost talk about their death before, even Danny didn't like talking about his accident, and asking about it was incredibly taboo. Sam had been pushing her luck earlier just by mentioning the car crash.

It said a lot about Kitty's love for Ida that she chose to open up about it. Sam couldn't say she was surprised, her Grandma had always been like that. Never anything but an endless well of love and support, and the occasional kick in the pants if you needed it.

"Johnny's always had rotten luck." Kitty sniffed. "Follows him like a shadow."

"Literally." Sam snorted.

After a few more moments, Ida pulled herself away from Kitty, she got up and began rooting through the cupboards, muttering to herself.

"Aha, here it is."

She brought over an empty photo album, it was roughly the size of a small pocketbook, containing only one photo sleeve per page.

"I meant to fill this with photos for Sam to keep." Ida admitted as she shuffled back over to the girls. "But I don't think she'll mind donating it to a good cause."

She winked at Sam, who nodded back.

"Here," Ida pressed the little album into Kitty's hands. "Memories are a fickle thing, but photos are forever."

"I can't take these!" Kitty insisted, pushing the album back. "They're your memories too!"

"Oh my god you're both so old." Sam laughed, "Dad has a printer/scanner. I can make copies."

As Sam took the polaroids to her dad's office, Ida and Kitty pored over the rest of the album, Kitty picking out more photos to copy. She chose a few of Ida and Sam, and even one of Carrie.

"She was a total loser and I hated her but I don't hate remembering her, you know? I want to remember everything, even the bad stuff."

She took a photo of her parents, just one.

When Sam came back with the last batch of photos, Ida finished slipping them into the little album.

"There's still a few sleeves left." Sam pointed out, holding up her phone with a smile. "We've got room for a couple of family reunion pics."

The two girls squished up against Ida as Sam snapped as many shots as she could. Ones where they smiled, ones where they laughed, ones where they laid haphazardly across the lounge together.

Then Sam took a few candids of just Kitty and Ida, as they looked through the new album they'd just made together. Capturing Kitty laughing at something as Ida looked at her with a soft, loving smile.

Kitty clutched the album to her chest as she gave Ida a long, drawn out hug.

"Thank you so much." she said, her voice thick with gratitude. "It's like I can see my life in colour again."

She left the house with the assurance that she would always be welcome back, at any time, and a promise that she would always be looking out for her 'new favourite cousin'.

Sam flicked through the photos she took on her phone, she would have to make sure to have copies printed by the time Kitty returned to visit.

She knew Kitty coming over regularly was going to make things complicated, her apparent newfound protectiveness over Sam could potentially backfire in many spectacular ways, she was petty and troublesome when in the right mood.

But then again, so was Ida, and so was Sam.

At least she had better things to do now than beat up strangers' mail boxes, Danny was certainly going to be glad to hear that.

#lula's fanfics #danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #kitty #sam manson #ida manson

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

Text

Spider’s Thread [Reverse AU]

Possessive Red Xiao x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Commissioned for: @profoundwitchsalad

Art Credit: @ruoyeahs

Warning: Unhealthy relationships.

Prompt:

“You’ve ruined my life because I have a warped idea of what love is and I can’t live without you. But now you’re trying to leave me and I won’t allow that. You left me alive. You have a duty to live for me and by me. I’m not letting you go.”

---

Xiao Semi Series

[ Friendship ] [ Falling in Love ] [ Cuddles ] [ Protective ] [ Affection ] [ Jealously ] [ Opposites Attract ] [ String Of Fate (Soulmate) ] [ Fainting ]

Link to original posts: [Red! Xiao.] [Reverse AU]

[Masterlist]

Alatus was once told a story by his Master. A sinner who falls into hell is rewarded for his only good deed, choosing not to kill a spider. As his reward, a thread is lowered down for him to climb out of Hell. In the end, the sinner remains in Hell because he kicks aside others and the thread breaks. Alatus doesn't remember why his Master told him this story but he still empathizes with the sinner. He would have done the same or asked for this 'saviour' to extend their hand down instead. That way he could pull them down.

"Xiao? Are you okay?"

He slowly opens his jade eyes to see you hunch over, peering down above him, eyebrows furrowed together in concern as you reach down and softly tap his temple. He allows you to take a moment to do whatever you want with his face before he reaches up to grasp at your wrist gently, holding back on his want to rub circles into your skin. His reminiscing can wait for now.

"What is it?" he asks curtly, sitting up and resting his elbow on his raised knee. You pout at his curt tone but shrug it off as you take a seat next to him and lean your shoulder against his. You dig into your bag and pull out slips of commission papers and hand it over to him to read through what needed to be done today. A few Hilichurl camps needed to be taken care of, sabotaging a slime balloon, all tasks that seem mundane to someone who fought in a war. As he's preoccupied, you take a moment to look at Xiao's face. He's just the slightest bit unnerved whenever you do this because you always seem to know what's bothering someone.

"Were you dreaming of her again?" you ask quietly. The silence is a good enough answer but you nod understandingly. You never knew his Master personally but you did fight a long strenuous battle against her. From one look you could tell she was a manipulative and cruel woman. While it may not be very kind to say, you were glad that with her passing, Xiao would be free from her physically. But mentally...there were still some things to work out. But Xiao was a very reclusive person, especially with his emotions, so pushing him any further would only make him irritated and closed off.

"Venti and Zhongli are joining our party for a bit if that’s alright. They'll help out a lot with our commissions and travelling. I like Liyue a lot but climbing mountains stresses my shoulders out," you laugh as you change the subject to something less depressing. Standing up as you dust your clothes off before turning to Xiao and holding your hand out for him to take. He stares at it hard for a few moments before huffing and reaching over to clasp your hands together.

It has been so frustratingly peaceful since the war ended. He's not used to it and he can still feel the lick of cutting winds and the heavy pressure of rocks against his body when he sees the bard and funeral parlor consultant just on the horizon. If it were up to him, he wouldn't play nice with these two Archons but they're important to you so he bites his tongue until he tastes blood. He knows the Archons do the same. As soon as the two of them spot you both, Venti is already rushing and tackling you to the ground in his excitement.

"Traveler! I haven't seen you in ages. You need to come and visit Mondstadt more," Venti cried into your shoulder as you awkwardly patted him on his back. Always with the dramatics but you cared about Venti all the same. Xiao scoffed before flicking his jade eyes to meet gold as Zhongli stared down at him cautiously. Since the war ended, everyone seemed to have this warped idea that Alatus had some vendetta against the Gods and Celestia but he was fighting because he was told to.

"Xiao. It's good to see you again," Zhongli said to him. Xiao just nodded in acknowledgement. Even with this new mortal form, Morax never bothered to change his eyes. His gaze alone held the weight of the mountains he had thrown. If Xiao hadn’t been under one of them before, he might have crumbled under the pressure.

"Alright alright, Venti. I promise I'll drop by sometime this month but we still have commissions to do!" you laugh as you haul the bard onto his feet and swat his cape down from the speckles of dirt. He grins cheekily at you, linking pinkies with you to seal your promise, before suddenly lighting up as if he just remembered something.

"Actually! Before we start anything, I need to speak to Mr. Zhongli and Xiao. Super important archon things, you know?" Venti nodded to himself as the two mentioned people stared at him with varying levels of confusion. But Venti just waved their worries off and linked his arms with both men as he dragged them off to a more secluded corner with a surprising amount of strength, “We’ll be right back!”

"Do what you need to do but don't take too long," you called after the trio as you trailed off to the side, messing with your bag of commission papers and gear. Xiao hated that. He knows that these two Archons are your...friends.. but shouldn't you be a bit more cautious? Just because they have mortal forms doesn’t make them human, it doesn’t make him human either.

"Hey, there's no need to look so scary. There really is something important I wanted to talk to the two of you about," Venti speaks up as soon as you're out of earshot. It still gives Xiao whiplash whenever he drops the persona and switches back to Barbatos. "Since Morax is the only Archon I trust with this information and, while I don't trust you one bit, you're the one that's with her all the time you should also know. She's ascending to Celestia."

Barbatos gauges both of their reactions. Morax seems visibly surprised, his eyes slightly widened a fraction, while Xiao has no idea what that means. His Master didn’t exactly give him a history lesson on Celestia or Archons, just pointed to who was his enemy and dealt punishments when he failed.

"And what the hell does that mean?" Xiao asks as he crosses his arms. Venti appears for a second as the bard pouts before continuing.

"It's like I said. A mortal who performs great, heroic feats can ascend to Celestia and achieve godhood. Where they will watch over their people from above. I've only seen this once before so it took me a while to recognize the signs. But 1000 years ago, I helped a woman named Vennessa with her ascension and with the traveler's recent actions with winning the war. Well, you don't need me to explain the rest," Barbatos finishes. Zhongli simply hums as he cups his chin and absorbs what's just been heard. He doesn’t seem troubled by the news at all.

"Have you told her about this?" Zhongli questions as he looks towards the direction that you left. Venti shakes his head. “That would mean that she would vanish from this world."

“I know she loves this world. Whether she wishes to ascend or not isn’t my choice but I want her to continue her travels with that beloved smile on her face. But if she does choose to ascend, she will need our help," Venti stares at the two of them in a mix of pride, sadness, and determination. "Can I count on you two for your help?"

It's a complete white noise in Xiao's ears as his surroundings fade out. He thinks he can see Zhongli nod to Venti wishes, the ever calm smile on his face to match the cheery grin on Venti’s. What, now you want to become a God? Leave this world behind? That’s not funny. You made him give up everything. While in your eyes, your blinded hero syndrome, you think you've liberated him from a soulless conquest but he still has nothing. You still took everything away from him and your only compensation was to have him by your side until he left himself. But now you want to leave without a warning? That’s not fair. You don’t get to take back what you owe. He won't allow you to leave him behind.

“Did something happen? Did Venti say something unnecessary again?” you ask out of the blue. Zhongli and Venti had returned to their respective regions once your commissions were all finished. Since the three of them disappeared to talk Archon business, Xiao had seemed even more tense and aloof than usual. As if he was out of it? You knew that everyone was still suspicious of Xiao and they were angsty to leave you alone with him, but you knew Xiao would never do anything to hurt you. When he doesn't answer, you slowly reach over and you subtly nudge his head up onto your lap and look at him curiously. Before reaching down and cupping his cheek. He leans into your touch before turning his face into your palm and leaving a soft kiss. It makes you giggle at the ticklish feeling as you look at him so softly. It annoys him.

"You were never connected to the war and yet you fought against us anyways. Even when I killed so many people, why did you choose to spare me?" he asked as you blinked at him before giving it some serious thought. He went on a rampage and almost destroyed the world. It was fun. He doesn't have any regrets at all because he hated humanity. His own Master was human after all. But then you appeared and stopped him. A random outsider that wanted to play the hero. He thought it was cute. Perhaps he had underestimated the lengths someone would go to to save the world they loved but when he fell defeated at your feet. He said that this wouldn't change a single thing. He would still scorn humanity and what they did to him. He was so sure he would die there but you chose to extend your hand down to him instead despite what your companions felt. Even when the war ended and he had nowhere else to go, you offered him to travel with you. Nothing changed about his mentality, every person that chose to talk to him was quickly scared away with piercing eyes. Every conversation started would end in silence. Every touch would be met by the tip of his spear. But you would link your hands together with his and smile brightly, and he would always end up forgetting his trauma for a moment. You’ve... become precious to him.

"I love this world and everyone in it. You are a part of that world even if you tried to destroy it. It...didn't seem fair to leave you behind when you've suffered just as much," you finish but it only seemed to spark a wave of deep anger inside of Xiao. He quickly lurched up, almost knocking your forehead with his, before grabbing the scruff of your shirt collar and yanking you forward.

"Cut it out with that "love of everything" crap. It's revolting. So you're saying the people I killed weren't worth avenging? Do you think I'm so weak that I need protection? It's one thing to try and please everyone but at least have some awareness would you?" he snarled as he pushed you to the ground. He knew he was being harsh on you and you had every right to walk out and abandon him but you didn't. Of course, you wouldn't. You needed him as much as he needed you. You just reached over and tenderly reached your hand and placed it next to his. Damn it, why is he always the one stuck worrying about you.

"Then you want to protect me, right? Then don't break your promise. You left me alive which means you have a duty to live for me," he takes your hand in his and squeezes hard. Digging his nails into your own until crescents appear and tiny specks of blood appear so you know he's serious. He doesn't care how you interpret his words, just so long as you never leave him.

"Don't die on me, Hero."

It's been a few hours since the conversation so it's pitch black outside but Xiao was never one to sleep. Even if he could, his mind is too loud to fall asleep too. He's startled when you melt against him fully asleep. Honey smooth as you curl up to his warmth and cling to him like moss to a rock. He can feel his cheeks start to flush as his heart begins to pound against his chest. He can't breathe as his world is filtered through each beat that drums against his ears. He's not sure if there's actually something wrong with him or if it's just been a while since someone got so close and his instincts haven't left.

He's just realized it. He's feeling pain. The feeling in his chest is black but he can't claw it away. It's strange in a way that he can't explain it, that he's never felt before, that he's never felt the need to experience. His life had been warped by battle and a constant push to submit to his Master. They are all things he knows but the gentle words that come from your mouth, the bright eyes that hold the world, the horrible ice-hot feeling inside of him is so foreign yet too easy. He doesn't like it.

It makes him feel...clean in a way. Enlightened perhaps? His Master is long gone and it's like you said. He's free now. Free to make his own decisions and live his life how he wants to. He carefully turns over so as to not startle you away as he really looks at you. You look so peaceful in his arms, eyelids shut without worry, face slack without nightmares, breathing so softly against him. If you weren't so close to him that he couldn't feel the rise of your chest, he wonders if he would think you were dead. He stares at the lock of hair swaying back and forth with each breath like a starved man. The strange feeling doesn't stop. He hates it. It's everything that goes against him and what he knows and everything he should want. He's supposed to be the villain in your story, he should kill you right now-

"Xiao..." he hears you mumble beside him as you lean further into his arm. Damn it. How low is he going to go?

“What are you thinking about now? You just need to think about me. Don’t think about anything else...but me” Xiao sighs before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him until you're snug against his chest. Close to him, where he can touch you, where you belong. Not with Morax or Barbatos. Not with humans but beside him. He closes his eyes and nuzzles his head into your hair and he stares off into the distance. The feeling never leaves him for the remainder of the night.

"Ah! There you are. I was running around crazy looking for you," he turns his hair to see your flushed form pulling yourself up onto the mountain cliff, "When I woke up I couldn’t find you anywhere! You gave me a scare there."

He hates you. He hates you.

Words of his previous master ring in his ears, almost as if her very soul is wrapping around him as she whispers in his ear how weak he is. Ones with power that refuse to take what they want because they rather live in the comfort of nothing. Be greedier, take what belongs to you.

"Xiao?" you say as his piercing eyes stare directly through you. His Master always told him that she loved him. Even if he hated her he still clung to that false love. Of being wanted. Isn't love for a single person vile? Would feeling such emotions for one person instead of "everyone" bring you down to reality? It's not fair that you've crawled your way into his heart while you walk along in bliss. Now that he thinks about it. It was so simple. He just needs to monopolize your thoughts and love. This time it won't be as friends.

"I love you."

He'll pull you down to where he is. You extended your hand down to hell so it's your fault. He'll drag you down kicking and screaming if he has to. You left him alive. You have to live for him and by him. He's not letting go.

Reblogged for extra notes

[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji@duxastaroth @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @sakari-shi @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @upsetpotatoo @htnicayh @genshins1mpact @morthecreator @aanne2601 @aklxojjk @fulltimeventisimp @mitsyua@laic2299 @diesekimo @duhsies @creatorofstars @zalladane @itchichan @sweeti-pie @curiouslilbeast @momos-peaches @adeptitao @youaskedfurret @snowy224 @mayumintsu @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki @legionqueensav @eva-0403 @blanktide @pancakiee @castinluckgamer @dazqily @jaybobistired

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viastro · 4 years ago

Text

in a span of three months | joshua hong

ミ★ synopsis: in which you teach joshua how to live.

ミ★ genre: strangers to lovers!au, terminally ill!reader, angst, fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of depression (not mentioned heavily), implied suicidal thoughts and intention (very brief), major character death

ミ★ word count: 20,351

ミ★ pairings: joshua hong x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! here’s the longest oneshot i’ve ever written so i’d like to apologize in advance BSJKGBDKB i just wanted to mention that this isn’t necessarily realistic before you go into it, and that the reader’s illness is not mentioned in this oneshot as i didn’t want to explicitly list one. i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, it’s my best work and i put a lot of time and effort into it <3

ミ★ taglist: @coppertrashi @magicalhannie @brinnalaine @minluvly @wonunuu @suhfluffy @shuajeong @euphorencia @imjustuhhvibing @minghao-will-be-the-death-of-me @shuahaeee @jaeyuni @sunflowergyeomie

january 2, 2021

The date flashes back at you from your lockscreen, and a breath escapes you as you turn off your phone. Your leg bounces against the floor in anxiousness as you wait for him to tell you the results from your recent test.

“I’m sorry, yn.” You slowly look up towards your doctor, seeing the grave expression on his face. Your grip on the chair tightens when he folds his hands together, turning towards you.

“We estimate that you only have three more months to live. We will give you medication…” The rest of his words are tuned out as your gaze falls down to the table, the sound of your heartbeat is loud against your ears. You bite the inside of your cheek, listening to it thrum.

I’m dying, yet I can feel my heartbeat right now. I can hear it. It’s beating.

I’m alive.

You stand up from your chair when Dr. Park does, and you give him as bright of a smile as you can muster when you bow towards him. He stares at you with pity in his eyes, and you hate it.

You hate it so much.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn. I’ll see you at your next appointment.” Dr. Park tells you, and you nod your head. Giving him a small smile, you grab your bag and walk out of the room, tightly squeezing the strap as you exit the hospital.

Once outside, you suck in a deep breath of air, having felt as if you were suffocating in that building the longer you were in it. Rubbing the back of your neck, you look over towards the Han River, seeing the Banpo bridge shine brightly during the night.

Letting out a sigh, you head in the direction of the bridge, deciding to walk home rather than take the bus like you usually do. Your heart remains heavy as you look around at your surroundings, wondering what you should do during your last few months of living.

It’s strange.

Having a known deadline on your own life.

As you make it onto the bridge, you turn your head to look out along the Han River as you walk. The slight wind from the water breezes past you during the night, and you somehow find that it’s the only thing able to calm you down from the raging storm within you. Letting out a small smile, you notice how pretty Seoul is at night.

With the city lights shining brightly back at you, the busy streets roaring with life even during the relatively late hours. The bright stars glowing down from the sky, surrounding the beautiful moon that reflects its light across the Han River.

“Ah, life is beautiful.” You mutter softly, turning your head and looking forward. You raise an eyebrow when you see a blonde head of hair standing in front of the railing along the bridge, just staring out at the water. Coming to a stop, you stare at the person a few feet from you, wondering what they’re doing.

Your eyes trail down to see his hands gripping the railing tightly, and you tilt your head at the sight. Taking a few steps forward, the man seems to have not noticed your presence. He just looks out across the water with a blank stare, the whites of his knuckles becoming more prominent when he tightens his grip again. At this point, you decide to interrupt.

“Hi.” You greet cheerfully, and the guy blinks out of his dazed state from the sound of your voice. He slowly turns his head towards you, and you feel warmth flood your face immediately at how ethereal this man is.

His platinum hair falls softly over his forehead, wisps of it flying up slightly due to the light wind. His deerlike eyes stare into yours, and you find that they emphasize his beautiful features that much more. However, the exhaustion is evident in his gaze.

“Hey.” The stranger replies, voice soft and airy, somehow matching his appearance even though he seems tired.

“What are you doing?” You ask, stepping forward so that you’re now right beside him. His eyes widen slightly, before they relax to their normal size. He shrugs his shoulders, glancing over at the road when a car drives by. “Just standing on the bridge.”

You give him a close-lipped smile, tilting your head as you press on, “Why?”

“Just cause.”

You nod your head, turning around so that you can rest your forearms onto the railing. Raising your hand up, you rest your chin on the palm of your hand, letting out a sigh of content as you lay eyes on the beautiful scenery once again. The ethereal man turns to glance at you, wondering what you could possibly want.

“Live your life.” You say in a soft tone, and he simply blinks at you.

“What?”

You turn your head towards the pretty man, “Life is short when you think about it. It can suck a lot of the time, as well as be unfair, but sometimes…”

Your voice trails off as you look up at the stars, realizing just how small you are in this great, big universe. “Sometimes it can be beautiful.”

The stranger tilts his head up and stares at the sky along with you, a comfortable silence settling over the two of you as you do so.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” You look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.”

The two of you stare into each other's eyes for a moment, and you find that you’re more similar than you originally thought. You feel the exact same way about life, and you’ve asked life for years, why you? Why did it have to be you?

You could never find the answer.

And so, you smile at the stranger, who tilts his head at you, wondering how one can be so bright and cheerful. You reach into your pocket and pull out your phone, handing it towards him after you unlock it. He raises an eyebrow as he reaches out and takes it, “You know I could totally just take this and run, right?”

You nod your head, letting out a quiet giggle that rings in the blonde’s ears. He finds the sound to be rather pleasant. “I know, but I have a feeling you’re not that type of person.”

He purses his lips, nodding his head in agreement. Glancing down at the cellular device, he sees your wallpaper, a photo of you holding a cat with a big smile on your face. His eyes trail back up towards your face, as if to ask what you want him to do with your phone.

You sigh with a teasing look on your face, and you take the phone from his grasp, opening up the contacts menu before holding it back out towards him. “Put your number in.”

The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, before he tentatively types in his number, handing it back to you. You grasp the phone in your hand, a breath leaving your lips when you finally learn his name.

“Why do you want my number?” He asks, and you look up from your phone, giving your new friend a smile.

“Since life hasn’t been kind to you, I wanted to be.” You answer simply, and he stares into your eyes with an indecipherable emotion to them at your answer.

After a moment, he turns his body towards the railing of the bridge again, staring out at the city without saying anything else. You follow suit, resting your forearms onto the cool metal as you breathe in the fresh air.

“My name is yn.” You tell him in a soft voice, not expecting a response. A few minutes pass when you finally hear his voice say,

“My name is Joshua.”

Joshua taps the eraser of his pencil onto his notebook, blankly staring off at the projector screen while he tunes out everything the professor is saying. The only thing on his mind is you, the person he met last week on the bridge.

You haven’t contacted him yet, and he’s beginning to wonder if you were just a figment of his imagination. That deep down, he wanted to stay, so his consciousness created a positive person to appear right before him, convincing him to live another day.

“Yn.” Joshua whispers underneath his breath, and he tilts his head to the side, having not realized how nice your name was until this very moment. He only pays attention to the lecture when his professor announces the homework, and he quickly jots down the page numbers to read. Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he steps out of the auditorium and begins to walk off campus.

Some university students would usually go and meet up with their friends after class to go and eat, or they’d go and meet their significant other to study together. Then there’s Joshua, who does neither of those things.

“Hey Josh.” The blonde nods his head at his boss in greeting, letting the door close behind him as he walks over into the back to change.

Everyday Joshua just goes through the motions, doing what he has to do to survive, as dramatic as that sounds. Go to uni, work a six hour shift to pay for his tuition, head home and study, then barely sleep. He wakes up the next day and does it all over again.

Joshua has gotten used to the feeling of being numb.

He tiredly ties the apron onto his waist before going and washing his hands. The call of his name makes him glance up from the floor as he wipes his hands on a paper towel, his boss appears at the doorway, holding the notepad and pen towards him.

Joshua sends him a tight smile, stepping forward and taking the pen and paper from his hand. He feels himself get a pat on the back as his manager walks past him, and he lets out a breath, before walking out into the restaurant.

His eyes trail over to two women seated at a booth, waiting for their orders to be taken. Joshua doesn’t feel like going over there yet, as the words you told him that night ring in his head.

Live your life.

Joshua scoffs quietly, remembering the bright smile you showed him. He looks down at the notepad in his hand, wondering how you could find life to be so beautiful when he’s never seen it that way. His head snaps up when he hears his name be called, and he immediately walks over to the table, clicking open the pen.

“Hi. What can I get started for you guys today?”

“One sikhye please!” The woman nods her head at you, and you smile as you hand her the correct amount of money. She hands you your order number, and you walk over to the other side of the food stand, waiting to be called.

Your hands make their way into your pockets, your hand wrapping around your phone. Tilting your head, you remember the pretty blonde you met on the bridge. You suck in a deep breath of the cool air, looking up towards the sky to catch the beginning of the sunset. A smile makes its way onto your face at the different pink and orange hues of the sky.

You fail to notice the blonde head of hair looking in your direction, wondering how you always manage to have a smile on your face. It’s only when you feel that tingly feeling of someone staring at you that you look back down, turning your head to find those deerlike eyes boring into yours.

Your mouth drops open in surprise, and you grin happily, raising your hand up and waving towards the ethereal man.

“Hi Jos-” You’re cut off when your order number gets called, and you hold up a finger at the blonde to signal him to wait, before quickly grabbing your sikhye and walking over to him.

“Hi Joshua.” You finally greet properly, taking a tiny sip of the sweet rice drink as he stares at you quietly. He clicks his tongue, tilting his head at you, “You never texted me.”

Pursing your lips at the fact that he was waiting, you slowly hold out the drink in apology. Joshua glances down at it, before looking back at you with a raise to his eyebrow.

“Don’t you want it?”

“Take my apology drink.”

“But you just ordered this-”

“I can buy another one.”

The corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up slightly, before he takes the drink from your grasp and takes a sip. You let out a smile, before pointing back towards the drink stand, “I’ll go buy myself another drink and then we can hangout.”

You’re about to turn around when you feel a hand grasp your wrist, stopping you from walking over. Your eyes slowly glance down, before they trail back up to see Joshua staring at you, straw in his mouth as he takes another sip of the sikhye.

He lets go of your wrist and walks over to the stand himself, ordering the drink for you. You’re left flabbergasted as he hands the employee his card, and you watch as a blush rises to the woman’s face the longer she communicates with the pretty man.

Once he’s handed his order number, he walks back towards you, seeing the shocked look on your face. He raises his hand up and waves it in front of your face, and you finally look back into his eyes.

“Why do you look so shocked?” Joshua asks, slightly biting on the straw as he awaits your response. Your mouth opens and closes, before you just let out a huff, reaching out and hitting Joshua’s arm softly. He still feigns pain, his hand reaching up and rubbing the area.

“Ow.”

You giggle at his reaction, “Thank you for the drink, Joshua. Except now I feel like the apology drink I gave you doesn’t count since you bought me one.”

Joshua shrugs, looking back over towards the drink stand when he hears your order number be called. He shoots you a glance over his shoulder, “Consider it a gift.”

It’s only when Joshua walks back and hands you the sikhye that you wonder how he’s been doing. You stare at him for a moment as he places the receipt into his wallet, and you find that the darkness under his eyes is still evident. You even think they might be a bit darker than when you first saw him as he looks back up at you.

“Is something on my face?” Joshua asks when he notices the furrow to your brow. Your eyes widen slightly and you shake your head, giving him a reassuring grin. “I just thought you were handsome.”

Joshua’s mouth drops open at your honesty, while you internally panic at the fact that that was your coverup for staring at him. You watch as a tinge of pink appears on his cheeks, and you honestly find the sight so endearing that you have to look away.

“Let’s go to the arcade!” You exclaim, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that you called him handsome as you point towards the colorful arcade down the block. Joshua raises an eyebrow, running a hand through his hair when he nods his head. “Okay.”

The two of you go on your way to the arcade, walking in a relative silence, the sounds of you both taking sips of your sikhye filling the quiet. Joshua pushes open the door for you, and you smile, nodding your head at him.

“What a gentleman.” The blonde lets out a scoff at the nickname, and you giggle at his reaction once he steps inside after you. You both walk over to the machine that gives you the game card, and you quickly shove your credit card into the slot before Joshua can, effectively paying for the game card the two of you will share.

Joshua rolls his eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, “You should’ve let me pay for it.”

You don’t respond, instead heading over to the racing games without another word. Joshua pauses when you glance over your shoulder with a smile, “Consider it a gift.”

He watches as you skip towards the game with the motorcycle, the sight of your bright smile still imprinted in his brain. He shakes his head as if it’ll clear his thoughts, before following after you.

Joshua’s head falls back onto his pillows as he stares up at the ceiling of his dark room, the comforter resting over him.

He’s always had trouble sleeping. It started out by him sleeping later and later as he grew older, until he could only fall asleep at around 4 or 5 in the morning.

Joshua’s eyes trail over to the window beside him, and he lets out a quiet huff when he sees that the moon isn’t shining back at him. The stars are a bit dim, but they’re still evident in the dark sky.

He looks back up towards the ceiling, and he closes his eyes when the thought of your smile comes into mind again.

Joshua glances at you when you let out another giggle, and he finds himself wondering for the nth time how you can be so happy. You rest your head onto his shoulder for a second while you laugh, and he freezes slightly at the contact.

“Your face when I beat you at air hockey was so funny.” You manage to say through your laughing fit, reaching up to cover your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stop more giggles from pouring through. Joshua rolls his eyes playfully, remembering how happy you were when you won the arcade game.

“Was it really that funny?” Joshua asks, and you nod your head with an incredulous look on your face. He lets out a sigh, placing his hands into his pockets as he looks up towards the night sky. The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, just enjoying the scenery as you calm down from the joys of the arcade.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, “Did you have fun tonight?”

The blonde doesn’t respond right away, instead letting his head fall so that he’s now staring at the sidewalk while the two of you walk to the bus stop. You nod, understanding that he probably didn’t enjoy the games as much as you did.

“It’s okay if you didn’t. I know a few people who don’t actually like arcades-”

“I enjoyed it.” Joshua answers, turning to look at you with a close-lipped smile on his face. He watches as your eyes practically sparkle back at him from the sight. “Really?”

Joshua nods his head, and you raise your hands up to your warm face, feeling accomplished. He looks away from you as the two of you continue to walk, finding you to be rather endearing. Once the two of you make it to the bus stop, you turn around to face the ethereal man, giving him a bright smile that makes his heart stutter within his chest.

“I’m happy you had fun, Joshua. I’ll make sure to text you this time!” You say happily as the bus pulls up, and you raise your hand up to wave at him.

Joshua keeps his hands in his pockets once you turn around and head onto the bus. He watches as you walk towards the window seat, immediately pulling open the window once you sit down. You give him another smile and a wave, and he tilts his head at you.

It’s only when the bus pulls away from the curb that Joshua raises his hand up and waves back at you.

Joshua’s eyes glance over to the window again, and he decides that you were brighter than all of the stars in the sky tonight.

He manages to fall asleep earlier this time, around 2 am.

Your smile was the last thing on his mind before he did so.

Joshua sits at his desk, mindlessly doing his homework as the soft guitar instrumental plays in the background of his room. He taps the eraser against his bottom lip, before pressing the led onto the paper again.

The sound of his phone receiving a notification captures his attention, and he glances down at the cool metal, seeing an unfamiliar number. He slides up on his lockscreen and reads the message.

you: joshua ! it’s me yn >:D

The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle, lifting up his phone and sending a response back.

joshua: so you actually texted me this time

you: don’t make me feel bad ! D: i was busy after i met you that night

i gave you my sikhye last week to make up for it !

The corner of Joshua’s lips quirks upwards at your use of emoticons, knowing that you most likely pouted as you typed the message.

joshua: it was very good

you: i know right

anyways, do you wanna hangout later today? i wanna go to the park to take pictures when the sun sets

joshua: so you’re using me as your professional photographer

you: of course :3

joshua: pft

you: see you at around 5 <3333

joshua: i’ll see you

The blonde sets down his phone, running a hand through his hair as he looks out his window. The blue skies stare back at him, and he watches as a few birds fly past. His eyes trail back over towards his laptop, and he sighs.

“I’ll finish this assignment before I start to get ready.”

It’s only a few hours later that Joshua’s walking towards the park, hands in his pockets as he listens to the sound of life around him. He looks around at his surroundings, about to enter the park entrance when he catches sight of a tteokbokki stand.

He watches as a couple hands the lady some money, before she prepares their bowls that will hold the yummy rice cake. He specifically eyes the mozzarella cheese she layers over it, and Joshua suddenly wonders when he became hungry.

“I wonder if yn would want some.” Joshua mutters to himself, tilting his head the longer he debates on whether or not to spend his money.

He fails to notice you standing not too far from him, smiling as you watch him practically waddle in place as he stares at the food stand. You walk up to the blonde, reaching out and resting your hands on both of his arms, peering over his shoulder.

“Are you hungry?” Joshua chokes on his saliva at your sudden appearance, causing you to double over in laughter and apologies as you try to help him breathe properly. He squints at you when he finally regains his composure, still clearing his throat as he pats his chest.

“I’m literally so fucking sorry.” His eyes turn into slits at your apology, watching as your shoulders shake from the laughter you’re trying to hold back. Joshua gently pushes you with his hand, before turning around and walking into the park, tteokbokki now forgotten.

“Joshua! I’m sorry!” You laugh from behind, walking faster in order to catch up to him. Joshua doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t pick up his pace either, instead letting you hurry to his side. You smile at him, peeking your head in front of his face so that he can look at you. “Do you forgive me?”

“You thought me choking was funny.”

“True.” You admit, and Joshua scoffs at your answer, rolling his eyes teasingly as he nudges you with his shoulder again. You grin happily, nudging him back as you pull out your phone from your pocket.

“The sun is setting which means we probably only have 20 minutes to take the best sunset photos known to man. You’re my designated photographer today, remember?” Joshua begrudgingly takes the phone from your grasp, and you walk onto the relatively empty field of grass, raising your arms up towards the sky. The blonde just lets out a sigh loud enough for you to hear as he goes onto the camera app,

“Ah, what a tragic life I live.”

“You should be happy that you’re photographing such beauty!” You shout, and the corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up when he sees the furrow to your brow. He lifts up the phone so that you’re in frame, but peeks his head out from behind it.

“Do you want me to just take a billion photos?” He asks, and you give him a thumbs up. The blonde nods his head, going back into photographer mode as he starts to take photos of you.

You’re quite surprised at how seriously Joshua’s taking this photography gig, with the way he’s angling the camera and the straight face he has on. You find yourself giggling at the sight, causing the blonde to pause when he sees your smile through the camera.

Your eyes widen slightly when you see him stiffen, realizing your laughter might’ve accidentally thrown him off his game, “Was my giggling bad? Sorry!”

Joshua shakes his head immediately at your apology, lowering your phone from his face so that you can see him properly. It’s as if your heart stops when you do look at him.

His platinum hair is flowing a bit with the wind, similar to when you first met him that night on the bridge. His deerlike eyes are boring into yours, and you find a tinge of pink dusting across his cheeks as he runs a hand through his hair.

Joshua hides his face behind your phone again, wanting to capture your reaction when he says,

“Don’t apologize. Your smile is pretty.”

Your mouth drops open at the compliment, having not received one from the past couple weeks of knowing the man. Joshua captures the moment on your phone, a breath leaving his lips when he sees a smile make its way onto your face.

“Thank you.” You mutter, radiance to your features as you start posing again underneath the sky painted with various shades of pink and purple. He nods his head as he continues to capture more photos of you, silently wondering how he finds you to be prettier than the beautiful sunset behind you.

“No problem.”

You stare into those lovely brown eyes with a determined look on your face, making the blonde raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. He reaches his hand out towards you, and you stare at it, wondering what he’s going to do.

“Ow!”

It only results in you rubbing your forehead with a glare, while Joshua just goes back to drinking his coffee—now happy about flicking your forehead. You slam your fists gently onto the wooden table, and the ethereal man just stares at you in silence.

“You know what we should do?” You ask, and Joshua stays quiet, knowing you’re going to answer the question anyways. A grin makes its way onto your face as you give him jazz hands, “Go to the store so that I can buy groceries because my fridge is low.”

Joshua lets out a sigh, giving you an unimpressed look as he turns to face out the window. He’s not surprised, really. The last time the two of you hung out was just Joshua accompanying you to the library so that you wouldn’t have to return your books alone.

“Come on! I’ll buy you any snacks you want while we’re there. Besides, grocery shopping is fun.” Joshua continues to sip from his drink, somehow not surprised that you find restocking your food supply to be fun either.

“Well, more fun when you’re with someone at least.” You correct, and the blonde finally peeks at you, seeing the knowing smile on your face. He glances out the window, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to appear indifferent. “As long as you buy me the snacks I want.”

“Of course, Joshua. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t buy you your favorite snacks?”

“No, not those snacks. Those are expensive.” Joshua just stares at you in silence, bag of chips in hand as he watches you reach out towards the off-brand version. You pick up the bag, holding it out towards the pretty man and waving it for good measure. “These are cheaper and taste the same. Trust me, Joshua.”

“You told me that you’d buy the snacks I wanted if I went grocery shopping with you.” Joshua mutters with a pout to his lips, and you simply flash him an apologetic smile as you toss the bag into the cart while taking the original one from his grasp and returning it. The blonde scoffs, nudging you with his shoulder, and you giggle as you walk off towards the next aisle. “Yes, but we’re on a budget here.”

Joshua pushes the cart after you, listening contently as you explain what you’re missing at your apartment and what food you should make for dinner. His eyes follow your movements as you gesture with your hands, now explaining a story of how you almost set your toy kitchen on fire when you were younger.

Your eyes twinkle underneath the fluorescent light, and your lips are turned upwards in a warm smile as you look back on the memory. Your voice is soft but cheerful as you tell him about the memory while throwing in some items into the cart, and Joshua finds that there’s a lump in his throat as he watches you giggle.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, just to find his pretty eyes staring at you with an indecipherable emotion in them. Feeling warmth flood your face from his stare, you look down at the cart to place the box of tea in your hands.

“What’s on your mind?” You ask, proceeding to walk out of the aisle to go to the bread section. Joshua stays quiet for a moment, staring at your fingers peeking out of your sweater paws as your arms swing back and forth.

When you don’t hear a response, you move to glance back at him, only to pause when he pushes the cart forward so that he’s now walking right beside you. Joshua raises his hand up and fondly pats your head, making your eyes widen at the sweet gesture.

You slowly turn towards him, just to find the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Warmth floods your face at the lovely sight, and you can’t help but feel slightly disappointed when Joshua’s hand falls back onto the cart handle.

The two of you gaze into each other's eyes in silence for a moment, and you begin to wonder when that hint of a sparkle began to show in Joshua’s eyes over the last month of the two of you hanging out. He turns away when he feels the tips of his ears turn red, looking over towards the bread aisle. You watch as he takes a step forward with the cart as he suddenly says,

“Let’s get this bread.”

You let out a loud laugh at the old meme, startled at the fact that Joshua even said that as you follow after him.

As Joshua watches you choose the bread you want while also picking out some cookies for the two of you to share on the way to your apartment, he finds himself feeling content for the first time in a long time.

“Hope you enjoy it.” Joshua says as he places the last dish onto the table, giving the customers a tight smile before walking back over to the register. He rests his head into his hands, grimacing at the oncoming migraine he knows will come later in the hour.

He peeks through his fingers to look at the clock, seeing that he’s still on shift for another three hours. The blonde lets out a quiet groan, wondering if his boss has any aspirin he could possibly take.

The sound of the bells chiming from the door opening is what has him look up, trying to mask the pain from his headache as he stares towards the entrance. His eyes widen slightly when he sees you standing there, a bright smile on your face as you wave at the pretty man.

“Yn?”

You quickly walk up towards Joshua, feeling happy that you were able to come visit him during his shift. You slam your hand on the counter that keeps the two of you separated, while raising ₩20,000 towards his face with your other. Joshua simply raises an eyebrow at you, wondering why you look so determined.

“I’ll have your favorite dish from here and for you to eat it with me during your break.”

“Are you trying to buy me, yn? My favorite dish is only 7,000 won-”

“Now don’t make me sound like a bad person! You should be grateful I’m buying us food—your favorite nonetheless.” You whine, and Joshua just chuckles at the pout to your lips. You squint when he doesn’t take the money from you, only for your mouth to drop open in protest when you see him pull out his card.

“Joshua!”

“I’ll pay for the meal. It’ll keep me safe since you wanted to buy me-”

“I did not!” You laugh, watching as the receipt comes out from the printer after he pays for the meal. He places his card back into his wallet, before motioning towards a booth near the wall. “Go sit down, I’ll let my boss know I’m going on my 30.”

You nod your head, walking over to the booth and sitting down on the rather worn out cushions. While you wait for Joshua, you rest your head onto your arms over the table, closing your eyes. A sad smile forms on your face when you hear your heartbeat in your ears, a reminder that your time left here is dwindling.

It’s been a month and a few days since you found out about your ill-fate on that cold, January night.

However, you haven’t found yourself thinking about your inevitable doom as often as you thought you would. Instead, you’ve been spending your days hanging out with Joshua, and using your nights to plan out the next place the two of you should go to.

You don’t know when you decided to spend your last three months trying to help Joshua see the beauty in life.

But as you look up from the table and see his pretty eyes starting to sparkle at you when he places the food down onto the surface, the corners of his lips quirking upwards as he explains how his boss was teasing him,

You realize that you wouldn’t want to spend them any other way.

The two of you walk down the street side by side, taking sips of the sikhye you bought for the both of you to make up for the meal. The comfortable silence is settled over you guys like a blanket, not needing any words to be able to spend time with each other contently.

You take a peek at the beautiful man, suddenly noticing that the dark eye bags that once adorned his features have diminished significantly. The roots of his platinum hair are beginning to grow, but it seems like he doesn’t really care.

You wouldn’t care if you looked like Joshua, either.

He’s too pretty.

“Who?”

God fucking damn it.

You immediately look away from Joshua’s curious gaze, warmth flooding your face at the fact that you just blatantly announced that he was too pretty when the two of you were walking in a relatively comfortable silence.

“Cha Eunwoo from Astro.” You lie, and the blonde nods his head in agreement after a moment, turning back to face the front. Silence falls over the two of you again, and you’re incredibly grateful that he didn’t ask more questions.

But you also find yourself a bit disappointed at the lack of them.

When the two of you end up at the front of your apartment building, you both turn towards each other to say your goodbyes. However, as the streetlight lays over Joshua’s blonde hair, almost mimicking the appearance of a halo, you realize you don’t really want the night to end.

“Thank you for visiting me at work, yn. Make sure to text me when you get into your apartment.” Joshua tells you with his soft voice. You hum in response, shifting from one foot to another. “Thank you for the food. I’ll try to visit more.”

Joshua nods his head, raising his hand up to send you a tentative wave. “I’ll see you later, yn.”

You smile softly, waving back at him as he turns around and starts to walk away. An internal battle goes on inside you as you try to figure out what you want to do, watching as his figure gets smaller as the distance grows between you.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you shout out:

“Do you wanna come in and watch a movie with me?!”

Joshua pauses at the question, like, physically and mentally freezes. His eyes are wide as he stares at the pavement, and he wonders why his heart is beating so fast in his chest at the question. There’s a small breeze that passes the both of you, and you bite your bottom lip.

The silence is deafening.

Joshua slowly turns to glance at you, and you feel your heart sink slightly at the shocked expression on his face. You’ve come to realize as the two of you look at each other, that you asking him to come in was a mistake. So you open your mouth to tell him he doesn’t have to,

“Okay.” Your mouth remains open at his answer, believing that you must’ve just imagined him agreeing to your suggestion.

And so you respond, “Heh?”

Joshua huffs, walking over so that the two of you are only a foot apart. He squints at you, and you furrow your eyebrows in response to the expression on his face.

“Yes. I’ll come in and watch a movie with you.”

“Oh.”

The two of you stare at each other for another moment. With you just gauging what he said while Joshua stands in silence, amusement and shyness written across his features.

You suddenly let out a gasp, the fact that he said yes now sinking in as you step over towards the entrance and slide your card so that the doors will open. Joshua chuckles at the obvious embarrassment on your face when the doors finally open and you gesture towards the inside of the lobby.

“Let’s go up.” You say with a tight smile, and the blonde nods his head, following after you as the doors shut behind the both of you.

The way to your apartment is rather quiet, except for the quiet chuckles Joshua lets out whenever he glances at you and you having to elbow him in the stomach.

When you finally unlock your door and the two of you step inside, you suddenly realize all of your medication that you have to hide. You turn to face Joshua as he slips off his shoes and steps into the pair of slippers you have for guests, and his beautiful eyes land on you, signaling that you have his attention.

“You can go and sit on the couch, I just need to tidy up a bit.” The blonde nods his head, watching as you scurry off to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you. He lets out a breath, before walking over towards the couch, gaze travelling around your cozy apartment.

His eyes latch onto a framed photo on the table next to the couch, and he carefully picks it up, feeling warmth flood his chest at the sight.

You’re standing underneath a fully bloomed cherry blossom tree, a bright smile on your face as you look at the camera. Your arms are lifted up towards the sky in excitement, a habit of yours that Joshua has noticed in the month that he’s known you.

He gently places the photo back down onto the table when he hears your bedroom door open, and he looks over to see you now dressed in a set of strawberry pajamas. The sight is so precious to behold that Joshua lets out a soft smile, and your eyes widen when you see it.

He smiled. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile.

“Are my pajamas funny to you?” You squeak out in an attempt to not make him uncomfortable by mentioning his smile. Holding back from slapping yourself at your strange tone, you just watch as Joshua nods his head, an emotion akin to warmth flooding his beautiful eyes as he stares at you.

“I expected nothing less from you, yn.” Joshua responds softly, and you find no sign of teasing in his voice. You cough into your shoulder, breaking the eye contact as soon as you feel heat rush up to your face. Reaching out towards the remote, you turn on the TV and point towards the couch.

“Go sit and choose a movie, I’ll go and get us some snacks.” You tell the blonde, and he plops down onto the worn out sofa as you walk into your kitchen. His eyes trail after you for a moment, before he turns back to the TV and starts scrolling through your Netflix.

You come back a few minutes later with snacks in hand, just to smile at the movie he chose. Joshua glances towards you, quietly thanking you for the snacks as you settle down beside him, making sure to place a bit of distance between the two of you.

“Have you watched this?” Joshua asks as he takes a bite of popcorn, and you nod your head, turning to him with a grin. “A Silent Voice is one of my favorite movies.”

Joshua’s mouth drops open into an ‘o’ shape, before suggesting if you want to choose another movie. You shake your head, instead grabbing the remote from the table and pressing play.

“You chose it, so we’re going to watch it.” You mumble, leaning back into the couch and taking a sip of your water. The blonde’s eyes linger on you as the opening of the movie plays, wondering how one person could be so kind, so bright.

You feel Joshua’s eyes on you. You know that he’s staring at you.

But you know that your heart would just go feral and your face would turn warm if you look back. So you blindly reach out towards him with your hand, turning his head to face the TV instead. You retract your hand afterwards, a small smile on your face as you notice Joshua shaking his head in disbelief at your actions.

“Watch the movie.” You mutter, warmth flooding your cheeks as you try to appear indifferent. The blonde takes another bite of popcorn before turning back towards the TV, trying to suppress his chuckles.

The two of you watch the movie in silence, except to offer each other snacks or to shit on one of the characters you each dislike.

It’s nice. Joshua thinks to himself at one point, turning to glance at you when you giggle at a specific scene. He looks back at the TV, biting back a small smile from forming on his face, This is nice.

When the movie hits the 45 minute mark, Joshua finds that you haven’t been taking any sips of your water or stealing some pieces of his popcorn. He’s about to comment on one of the characters when he feels a weight slump onto his shoulder.

“Yn?” Joshua asks quietly, turning his head to look down at you. Your eyes are closed, mouth slightly open as you release puffs of air. He lets out a smile when he realizes you fell asleep, reaching out and patting your head softly.

“Silly.” He mumbles, before taking a glance at the clock and sees that it’s already midnight. The blonde carefully grabs the remote that sits on the table and turns off the TV, before moving the snacks and drinks off the couch to the best of his ability as he tries not to wake you up.

Once he’s done with that, he carefully settles you down onto the cushions so that you’re laying comfortably. He takes the throw blanket from the back of the couch and lays it over your body. Letting out a breath once he’s finished, he grins at the angelic expression on your face as you sleep peacefully.

“I’ll see you later, yn.” Joshua says softly, before turning around to walk towards your door.

Except for the hand that grasps onto his own, preventing him from taking another step.

He slowly turns to glance down at you, seeing you with your eyes still closed, hand holding onto his. Joshua makes a move to carefully release the grip you have on him, but freezes when you say in a soft voice,

“Stay.”

Joshua stares at you, unsure of what to do as you continue to hold his hand.

“You don’t want me to stay, yn.” Joshua mutters, an indecipherable feeling flooding him when your grip on his hand tightens a bit.

“Stay with me, Joshua.”

And so he does.

He scoots you over on the couch, wondering whether or not he’s gonna fall to his inevitable doom during the middle of the night as the two of you can hardly fit on the small surface. Carefully, he lays onto his back, staring up at your ceiling as silence fills the room, the fuzzy throw blanket covering you both.

You turn over so that you’re facing him, and your hand falls onto his stomach. The blonde just listens to the sound of your steady breathing, wondering how you fell asleep so fast as he feels himself beginning to become drowsy. After a few minutes, his eyes softly fall shut, breathing now matching your own.

Joshua finds that sleep comes easier tonight.

You’re seated on the bench, waiting for Joshua to arrive as you stare at the date on your phone.

february 17, 2021

Letting out a breath at the harsh reality check, you tap your shoe against the pavement, turning off your phone to look out towards the road.

You have a month and a half left.

“When did time move so fast? Whenever I was in the hospital it moved so slow.” You mutter, a sad smile gracing your features as you look around at all the people walking past you. Turning your head, you suddenly lock eyes with those deerlike eyes you’ve come to know.

Your once sad smile turns into one of pure joy as you stand up from the bench, waving your hands excitedly as Joshua walks over to you. The blonde reaches out and pats your head in greeting once he’s a foot away, and you chuckle in response, ignoring the fact that your heart rate is a bit faster now.

“How were classes?” You ask as the two of you begin walking towards the cat café. Joshua mentioned in passing a week ago that he wanted to go to a cat café, so you set up a reservation for the two of you.

The blonde purses his lips, realizing that he’s been enjoying attending classes a bit more as of recently. You gaze at him expectantly, grinning when Joshua simply just nods his head and looks back at you. “It was alright. I was excited thinking about the cat café though, so I’ll probably have to add some stuff to my notes later.”

“I expected you to be more of a dog person, if I’m being honest.” You state, and Joshua looks back towards the front, letting out a small grin.

“I am.”

“Then what are we doing going to a cat café that I made reservations for a week prior?”

The blonde shrugs his shoulders, turning to you with mirth filling his pretty eyes. He motions towards your phone, and you raise an eyebrow, raising it up so that the two of you can see it as it unlocks. Your mouth drops open when you see your homescreen, the photo of you and your old friend’s cat that was taken a couple years back, and all the pieces suddenly come together.

“Joshua! Did you only say you wanted to go to a cat café because you knew I liked cats? That ruins the whole purpose of this-”

Joshua cuts you off by simply holding open the door to the cat café, and you blink in a state of stunned silence, having not realized that the two of you have already arrived. He chuckles, “I’m a dog person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like cats. I’ve always wanted to go to one, so hurry up and go in.”

Pursing your lips, you walk into the café, but not without poking the middle of Joshua’s stomach as you do so, letting out a satisfied grin at the sound of his quiet squeak. Your mouth immediately drops open when a black and white cat snuggles up to your legs, and you kneel down, petting the soft fur as you let out inaudible excited sounds.

Joshua lets the door close behind him, the sound of the bells attached to the door letting out a little ring throughout the café. He glances down, seeing you happily petting the cats before the two of you have even ordered.

“Yn, I’ll go order for us.” Joshua tells you, and you simply nod your head without a verbal response, still softly squealing as more cats walk up to you. The blonde lets out a breath, shaking his head with the hint of a smile on his face as he heads over to the register to place your guys’ order.

You regretfully stand up from the floor, hoping the cats will follow you as you walk over to the table you reserved. You sit down in the booth, watching as Joshua converses with the employee as he orders the food and drinks.

Resting your chin on the palm of your hand, you smile fondly when Joshua glances around to find you. Your heart warms when his eyes finally land on you, a grin forming on his face as he walks over to you.

“There was a cat laying on the table behind the employee at the register. He was so cute, I hope he comes over to our table.” Joshua tells you as soon as he sits down into the seat across from you, placing the receipt onto the wooden surface. You open your mouth to respond, only to let out a quiet squeal when a cat jumps onto the empty space beside you.

“Hi pretty!” You greet, sparkles in your eyes as the cat nuzzles against your hand, asking for more pets. Joshua smiles at the sight, unlocking his phone and taking a photo of you happily petting the tabby cat. The sound of the camera shutter catches your attention, and you turn to glance at the source, seeing Joshua smiling fondly down at his phone screen.

“Did you take a photo of me playing with the beautiful cat?” You ask with a teasing grin on your face, not expecting an answer from the pretty man. You stroke the cat’s head fondly, only for your hand to stutter when Joshua says,

“You looked cute.”

A brief moment of silence passes between you, with Joshua staring at his phone, and you listening to your heart beat against your ears as warmth floods your face. Your brain tries to formulate a response, but it can only form inaudible screeching noises. So instead, you turn your head to glance at the blonde, only for your eyes to widen when you see a fluffy grey cat trying to get his attention.

“Joshua!”

“What?” He asks, looking up at you when he hears the urgency in your tone. You point towards the cat sitting patiently beside his chair, and Joshua furrows his eyebrows in confusion, turning to where you pointed, only for his eyes to widen when he locks eyes with the cat.

“You followed me from the register!” Joshua exclaims in a soft voice, reaching down to pick up the cat. You let out a bright smile as Joshua coos at the precious animal, petting the cat softly as his eyes sparkle with joy.

“Yn, this is the cat I wanted to show you.” He tells you, letting out a soft chuckle when the cat nuzzles his head into Joshua’s chest. You nod your head, about to respond when the waitress walks up to your guys’ table and begins to place your order down onto the surface.

“Thank you so much!” You say, and the waitress gives you a smile, bowing her head in response. She makes a move to leave, only to stop when she sees you and Joshua continue to play with the cats that stayed near you both.

“Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you?” You and Joshua pause, both turning to glance at the waitress as she stands by your table, a knowing smile on her face.

You and Joshua don’t have a single photo together in the month and a half that you’ve known each other. You’re not sure how he feels about his photo being taken, as he’s usually the one behind the camera rather than in front of it when the two of you are together.

Taking a peek at Joshua to see his reaction, you notice the indecipherable look on his face, and that’s how you know his answer. You give the waitress a small smile, moving to open your mouth when you see Joshua’s hand outstretched towards her through your peripheral vision.

You turn your head to look at him, only to see that he’s giving her a grin, phone in hand as he nods his head. “That’d be nice, thank you.”

Joshua lifts up the cat in his lap and stands up from his chair, taking a step forward and sitting down in the booth beside you. You continue to stare at him in silence, the slight shock evident on your features when he finally turns to glance at you. He gives you a soft smile, before pointing towards the waitress preparing to take your guys’ photo.

“Say cheese!” She says, but you continue to stare at Joshua, watching as he smiles at the camera, raising the cat’s paw as if he’s saying hello. Warmth floods your heart as you turn towards the camera, a bright smile on your face as you hold up your cat’s paw as well, matching Joshua’s pose.

As you lay in bed hours later, you turn your head towards your bedside table when you hear the vibration of your phone. Reaching out, you pick up the cool metal, seeing a few messages from Joshua.

joshushushu: [attachment 4 images]

thank you for taking me to the cat café :3

i think you’re some sort of cat whisperer based on how many cats came up to our table lol

it’s late, so you’re probably asleep

i’ll text you in the morning ^^

sweet dreams, yn

You tap on the images Joshua sent, and you let out a smile when you see the first photo is of you smiling happily down at the tabby cat, softly petting her head. Downloading the image, your thumb swipes across the screen, and you feel warmth flood your face at the fact that it’s the photo of the two of you. Except you’re not staring at the camera.

You’re staring at Joshua.

There’s a fond smile on your face, eyes sparkling brightly at him as he smiles at the camera, seemingly having no idea of the fact that you’re staring at him rather than the camera. Biting the inside of your cheek, you download the image and swipe to the left, now seeing the photo of both you and Joshua smiling at the camera, a cat paw in hand as you each make them wave for the photo.

You download the photo before swiping to the left one more time, and your breath hitches when you lay eyes on the image.

You’re laughing happily down at the tabby cat who was protesting the grabbing of the paws for the photo, not paying attention to posing anymore. While Joshua is now staring at you, the softest of smiles on his face as he watches you laugh with the cat.

You let out a shaky breath, zooming into the photo and seeing that he really is looking at you.

He’s looking at you as if you’re the most precious thing in the world.

You download the image, a small smile on your face as you go to your settings and replace the homescreen you’ve had for the last two years, exiting the app to now see the photo of you and Joshua as your wallpaper. The warmth from the photo covers you like a blanket, and you turn off your phone, placing it back down onto your bedside table.

You roll over onto your side and close your eyes, ignoring the harsh reality check that’s looming in the back of your mind in order to try and retain that happy feeling.

You fall asleep with lingering thoughts of pretty cats and Joshua Hong’s smile.

“Thank you, have a good rest of your day.” Joshua says warmly as he hands the to-go bag to the customer. She gives him a smile, reaching into her pocket to take out ₩15,000 and place it onto the table. The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, and he looks back up at her in a stunned silence, as if to ask if she really means it.

The woman nods her head, “You deserve it. Thank you for the food.”

Joshua watches as she leaves the restaurant, still shocked as he watches her figure disappear out the door. He glances back down at the ₩15,000, reaching out and picking it up from the counter, eyeing the money for a moment.

“I’ve been working here for six months.” Joshua mutters quietly, taking the ₩15,000 and placing it into his apron. He lets out a grateful smile, grabbing the spray bottle and towel to go and clean some tables.

It was the first tip he’s ever received.

“See you on Friday!” Joshua calls out as he pushes back the curtain to exit the kitchen, only to stop and turn back when he hears his boss call out to him. The older man walks over to Joshua, grinning and resting a hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“I just wanted to tell you that you look great lately.” Joshua raises an eyebrow, wondering what could’ve changed. He does a onceover of his own appearance, and his boss lets out a laugh, shaking his head.

“I mean you in general. You look happier, brighter even. I’m happy for you.” Joshua blinks in surprise, before letting out a small smile. He bows his head as his thanks, and his boss pats his shoulder once more and turns around to walk back towards his office.

Joshua lets out a breath, before closing the curtain behind him and walking over towards the exit. He tilts his head, “How does a person look happy?”

He pushes open the doors and moves to step out from under the cover, only to pause when he registers the rain falling onto the road. He sighs, glancing down at his empty hands, cursing himself for not bringing an umbrella.

“Guess I have to sprint-”

“Joshua!” The blonde’s eyebrows furrow at the voice, and he looks up, seeing you hurrying over with a bright yellow umbrella. It’s a stark contrast to the rather gloomy atmosphere and all the black umbrellas around you. His heart rate picks up at the sight of your smile, watching as you make your way over until you’re standing a couple feet away from him.

“How’d you know I forgot my umbrella?” Joshua asks teasingly as you hand him the yellow umbrella, taking it from your grasp and holding it over the two of you as you begin to walk down the sidewalk.

“Had an intuition.” You answer with a grin, and he rolls his eyes. The two of you update each other on how your days were, chuckles exchanged as you explain how you made the best kimchi fried rice of your life.

“You should make it for me sometime.” Joshua says, and you peek at him, smiling and nodding your head.

“Of course, Joshua.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, walking close beside each other in order to fit under your small umbrella. It’s when you’re close to Joshua’s apartment, and the streets are relatively quiet, that Joshua glances over and notices your hand sticking out of the umbrella. He watches in silence as you let the rain hit your skin, moving your hand as if it were a wave in the ocean.

“Your hand is getting wet.” Joshua points out, and you pause, turning to him as warmth rushes to your face at the fact that he caught you. You give him a bashful smile, nodding your head as you let your arm fall back to your side. “Yeah.”

“Why?” You notice that he looks genuine, there’s no teasing tone in his voice, no mirth in his gaze as he stares at you. He just wants to know why you were letting your own arm get wet. You break the eye contact, looking down at the ground as the two of you continue to walk.

“I just realized I’ve never played in the rain before.”

Joshua stares at you for a moment longer, having not seen you so shy about something you wanted to do before. He lets out a breath, turning away as he reaches up and closes the yellow umbrella, promptly removing the shield that had been protecting the two of you from the rain.

Your eyes widen as you feel the rain hit you, and you turn your head, seeing Joshua place your umbrella down on the sidewalk. He looks back towards you, raising an eyebrow when he sees the shocked expression on your face.

Joshua simply just closes his eyes and tilts his head up towards the sky, outstretching his arms as he feels the rain soak his clothes. That’s all you need to see for a smile to finally form on your face, and you let out a laugh, raising your arms into the air and spinning around.

Joshua opens his eyes when he hears your laugh, and he looks over at you—only to feel his breath get taken away. The rain falls softly from the sky, landing on you as you laugh happily, a bright smile on your face. Time seems to slow down as he stares at you, heart stuttering in his chest as he watches you spin around, pure joy radiating from your features.

He’s reminded of the first time the two of you met on the Banpo bridge almost two months ago, when you told him that life was beautiful and he didn’t understand how you could see it that way.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” Joshua mutters, and you look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.”

As Joshua watches you dance in the rain, he realizes that he finally understands what you mean.

Life is beautiful.

You lay in bed, still shivering even after having taken a hot shower as soon as you finished dancing in the rain with Joshua a couple hours prior. With a shaking hand, you pull up the comforter closer to your chin, wondering when you’ve become so frail, weak you should say.

“At least Joshua hasn’t noticed anything.” You mumble, knowing that your time left is short as you’ve been feeling more tired as the days go by. Rolling over, you look out the window to try and get sleepy, seeing the moon staring back at you.

Your hand slips out of the covers, reaching out and grasping the air as you tried to reach for the moon. Letting your arm fall back onto the bed, you let out a breath.

You always wondered if you’d ever be able to reach the moon and the stars when you were younger.

“Yn?” Turning your head, you see Joshua standing by the door to his bedroom. His blonde hair falls softly over his forehead, almost hiding his pretty eyes from sight. You watch as he walks over, reaching out and resting his hand over your head when he notices you shivering.

“Do you want another blanket? You’re shivering.” Giving him a soft smile, you shake your head as you simply pull the comforter up more.

“Why are you still awake?” You ask, and he stares at you for a moment.

The corner of his lips quirk upwards, “I should be asking you the same thing.”

“Touché.”

Joshua chuckles, patting your head fondly before pointing back towards the bedroom door. You peek through the doorway, seeing his dark living room. “I’ll go back to the couch. I just wanted to check on you.”

It’s when he’s about to leave that you reach out and grasp his wrist softly, promptly stopping him from taking another step. He turns to look back at you, seeing the same shy look on your face that he saw earlier.

He’s reminded of the night where the two of you slept on the couch a few weeks prior, having experienced this exact scenario before.

“Mm?” You bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting to respond. Instead, you weakly pull him towards you, and he takes a few steps towards your bedside.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment in silence, numerous questions flooding your guys’ brain as you do so. However, you can only bring yourself to mutter out one word.

“Stay.”

Joshua’s stare doesn’t waver, and you feel yourself growing more embarrassed the longer you wait for his response. You fully believe that he’s going to say no with the way he doesn’t hold your hand in return, and your belief comes true when he lets your hand fall back to the bed.

It shouldn’t hurt. You know that you shouldn’t have gotten attached to him, or let him become so close to you.

You’re going to die anyways.

Joshua turning down your request is for the best. It means there are still barriers between the two of you, that the last time you woke up with his arms wrapped around you was just a moment of weakness. That it won’t happen again.

The regret pools in your heart as you watch him turn and walk away, and you wonder whether or not you should apologize for even asking him in the first place.

Only for your eyes to widen when you see him walk to the other side of the bed, pulling up the comforter and climbing in. He arranges his pillows, before laying down and turning over onto his side, now facing you.

You stare at him in shock, and he squints at you in amusement. The blonde reaches out and pokes your forehead, snapping you out of your surprised state. He chuckles, “You asked me to stay, so I’m staying.”

A smile finally makes its way onto your face, and Joshua lets out a breath at the sight. The moonlight rests over you, illuminating your features beautifully, even in his dark bedroom. He feels himself smile back at you, eyes softening with fondness as he stares at you.

You tentatively reach your hand out, trying your best to hide the shakiness to it as you let it rest on Joshua’s cheek. He doesn’t seem unphased from the touch, he just continues to stare into your eyes as the look on your face softens.

“You look best when you’re happy.” You say quietly, and the blonde doesn’t respond. You watch as tears slowly fill his eyes, and your eyebrows furrow. You’ve never seen Joshua cry, not once in the time you’ve known him. Unexpectedly, Joshua’s hand comes out from under the covers and rests over yours, encompassing your cold hand in warmth.

“I want to be a better person for you.” Joshua mutters, blinking away the tears as he tries to look at anything else in his room. You shake your head, your own heart breaking within your chest at how vulnerable he looks. You swipe away the tears from under his eye, and his eyes flit back to you, watching as a soft smile forms on your face.

“You… you have always been more than enough, Joshua.”

The blonde lets out a breath at your response, before his eyes softly fall shut. Your heart is warm within your chest as you let your eyes linger on him for a moment longer, his hand still resting over your own as he tries to fall asleep.

Your gaze trails over back towards the window, seeing how bright the moon and millions of stars are in the dark sky.

You may not have reached the moon and the stars like you originally wanted.

You look back towards Joshua, content washing over you when you listen to his steady breathing, seeing that he’s already fast asleep. You remove yours and Joshua’s hand from his cheek, letting it rest onto the mattress. A smile escapes you when you feel his hand tighten softly around yours in his sleep. After a moment, your eyes slowly fall shut with Joshua being the one to keep you warm, hand holding your own as the two of you fall asleep facing each other.

But you’ve reached the sun, and that’s more than enough.

You stare at your medicine, wondering if you should even take it when you don’t have much time left. Shaking your head, you let out an aggravated sigh, taking out the pill and dry-swallowing it.

You immediately regret dry-swallowing the large pill as you grab your glass of water, taking a large gulp to try and swallow it properly. Letting out a cough, you walk over to your fridge, not even feeling hungry as you stare at the food in it.

march 18, 2021

It’s been two months.

Your time is running out.

You’re about to grab a small container of yogurt when you hear your phone go off, and you glance over to see the screen lit up. Closing your fridge door, you walk back over to the counter and pick up your phone, a grin immediately forming on your face when you see that Joshua texted you.

joshushushu: be ready at 8 later, i’ll come pick you up !

you: so you’re the one planning now, huh?

since when were you coming for my career

joshushushu: you’re just jealous cause i’m better at it

you: take that BACK.

joshushushu: see you at 8 <3

you: JOSHUA

You chuckle, turning off your phone and looking back towards your refrigerator. Letting out a sigh, you walk over and take out the yogurt, grabbing a spoon and dipping into the snack. You quietly eat the yogurt as you walk over to your living room window, staring out at the city.

The skies are blue, a contrast to the cloudy days Seoul had for the last couple of weeks. Your eyes follow the birds that fly past your window, watching as they get smaller and smaller the farther they go. You let out a sigh, taking another spoonful of yogurt.

“What a beautiful day.”

“Are you okay?” You turn your head to glance at Joshua, seeing the look of concern on his face as he looks at you. Giving him a smile, you nod your head, reaching up and rubbing the back of your neck as you look out the window of the bus.

“I’m okay, just tired.” The feeling of Joshua’s eyes on your side profile remains, and you hope that he doesn’t question it anymore. The blonde simply smiles, patting the top of your head fondly. “You can sleep, yn. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

You bite the inside of your cheek at his kindness, and nod in response. You rest your head against the window and close your eyes, ignoring the rumbling from the bumpy road.

A few minutes pass of Joshua scrolling through his phone when he sees your head moving out of the corner of his eye. He looks at you, seeing your head bumping against the window whenever the bus drives over a pothole in the road, somehow still fast asleep.

Joshua reaches out and softly grasps your head, pulling you over so that you’re now resting on his shoulder. He stares at your sleeping face for a moment longer, finding that you look at peace as you sleep.

“Pretty.” Joshua mutters, before looking out towards the window for the rest of the way.

It’s only half an hour later when you feel a hand gently shaking your shoulder, and Joshua’s soft voice telling you to wake up. Groggily, you open your eyes and sit up in the seat, scratching your head. You turn and look up to find Joshua standing up from the bus seat, throwing his bag over his shoulder. He lets out a giggle at how sleepy you look, “Come on. We’re here.”

Turning towards the window, you see the Han River glimmering back at you. Raising an eyebrow, you stand up from the seat and look at Joshua, who’s just giving you a close-lipped smile. He extends his hand out towards you, and you stare at it.

After a moment, you reach out, feeling his warm hand encompass your cold one. He grins, giving your hand a squeeze before turning and guiding you off the bus. The two of you walk in silence as he leads you towards the top of a hill, but it soon becomes hard to breathe.

“J-Joshua.” You wheeze out, and the blonde pauses, turning to see you doubled over.

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break here?” You don’t respond, instead trying to catch your breath as you hold onto Joshua’s hand like a lifeline. His eyebrows furrow, and he squats so that he can look into your eyes, watching as you begin to breathe properly again.

“Yn.”

“Mm?”

“We gotta work on your endurance.” Joshua jokes, and you let out a laugh, reaching out and slapping his shoulder as you stand up straight. He giggles, feeling relieved that you’ve caught your breath. He gives your hand a squeeze when he gets up from his squatting position, and you look at him. “Ready?”

You nod your head, squeezing his hand in return, “Ready.”

Joshua smiles, leading you towards the top of the hill once again. He makes sure to keep glancing back at you and even slows his pace as a means for you to not get exhausted again.

When the two of you finally reach the top of the hill, he lets go of your hand, and you pout at the loss of warmth. You’re about to ask why he brought you here, only to stop when you see him unzip his bag, pulling out a picnic blanket and laying it onto the cold grass.

“A picnic? At 9 pm?” You ask, only for Joshua not to respond as he just slips off his shoes and lays down onto the checkered blanket. You smile in amusement, tilting your head as you wonder what he’s doing.

Joshua lets out an exasperated sigh, reaching out and patting the empty space beside him on the blanket. Pursing your lips, you slowly slip off your sneakers and climb onto the blanket, carefully laying on your back. Your head is turned to him, and you’re about to ask what now? Only for Joshua to gently grasp your chin, turning you away until you look up towards the sky and-

Wow.

The millions of stars are shining brighter than you’ve ever seen. It was as if someone gathered a handful of sparkles and scattered them across the wide expanse of the dark sky, bringing light to unappreciative eyes.

Joshua turns his head to see your reaction, and he smiles at the bright look to your eyes, your mouth being dropped open slightly in awe.

He knew of your fascination with the sky ever since the two of you met on Banpo bridge. From the way your eyes sparkled at the sight of the moonlight reflecting across the river, to the content smile that would make its way onto your face whenever you’d look up towards the moon.

And so, whenever he would finish his evening classes at university, he’d take the bus to different parks and look for the spot that had the best sight of the sky at night.

Joshua wanted you to be able to reach the stars.

“Do you like it?” You turn towards the pretty blonde, seeing the slight apprehension on his face in fear that you won’t be happy with his surprise for you. You watch as it melts away from the sight of your bright smile, and a breath of relief escapes him.

“I love it.”

The two of you turn back towards the sky, pointing at different constellations and talking about which star shines the brightest among the millions you can see. You let out a laugh when Joshua mistakenly points out lights from a plane as a shooting star, and he rolls his eyes, but the fond smile on his face tells you that he’s anything but annoyed.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence afterwards, just appreciating the beautiful sky. You feel warm, even though you’re in this cold weather, you somehow feel warm just by being with Joshua. The bright stars shine down at you, and you slowly raise your arm up to the sky.

Joshua’s eyes follow your hand, watching as it grasps at the air. His gaze trails down to your face, seeing you stare up at the stars with an indecipherable emotion in your eyes. He turns away, and your arm falls back down to your side.

“What’s something you want to do with me?” Joshua asks, breaking the comfortable silence. You purse your lips, finding the question hard as you wonder how you could even answer this.

You want to do everything with him.

You want to go to a karaoke place with him, go bowling, go to an amusement park and eat all the festival food. Watch a movie, play in the snow and build a snowman. Go to the beach and make sand castles, go grocery shopping, visit him at work. Go to uni with him, go on a walk, talk about your day, make him kimchi fried rice. Everything.

You want to do everything with Joshua.

Letting out a shaky breath, your eyes trail over to the trees down the hill, lined up on the sides of the pathway. You stare at the unbloomed buds, already seeing the beautiful flowers in the back of your mind that you know you won’t be here in time to see.

“Cherry blossoms.” You utter, and the blonde turns to you.

“Hm?”

“I want to see the cherry blossoms with you.” Joshua lets out an, ah, a smile forming on his face at the thought of seeing the beautiful pink flowers with you. He looks back up towards the stars, “Cherry blossoms were always my favorite flower.”

You listen to Joshua’s soft voice, holding onto every word as you stare down at the unbloomed trees. The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle. “April was my favorite month because that’s when the cherry blossoms would bloom, but I stopped being excited for them a couple years back.”

Joshua grins, heart growing warm in his chest when he thinks of you spinning around excitedly underneath the cherry blossom trees, the pink petals softly falling around you.

“But I’m excited to see them with you, yn.”

Your heart wavers in your chest at Joshua’s sweet words, and you clench your fist at your side. Tears fill your eyes as you look away from the unbloomed cherry blossom trees, gaze trailing back up towards the stars. A tear escapes your left eye as you choke out,

“I’m excited to see them with you too, Joshua.”

Laying in bed, you stare up at the ceiling tiredly, having lost almost all your energy a week ago. You roll over and look at your phone, watching as the screen lights up.

march 23, 2021

You let out a shaky breath, knowing that you should admit yourself to the hospital within a few days. However,

You open up your messaging app, tapping on your conversation with Joshua.

you: joshuaaa

be ready at 2 ! i prepared a fun day for us :)

joshushushu: does it involve you paying for our meal?

you: capitalism is the root of all evil.

but yes. yes it does.

joshushushu: okay epic, i’m in.

i’ll see you later ^^

you: see you <3

Turning off your phone, you take in a deep breath, before slowly climbing out of bed. The exhaustion weighs over you like a blanket, but you push yourself to make it to the bathroom to shower.

You need to get ready to spend one last day with Joshua.

Sitting on the bench at the bus stop, you stare down at your sneakers as you wait for the pretty blonde to show up. It took you a while to get to the bus stop, as you felt even more exhausted by the time you stepped out of your apartment complex. You took your medicine and attempted to eat some food, but to no avail.

The sunlight that was once shining down onto you suddenly disappears as you were thinking to yourself, and you look up to see Joshua grinning down at you.

“What did you plan for today? Grocery shopping?” He asks, and you roll your eyes, standing up when you notice the bus heading your way. Nudging his shoulder, you answer, “No, something better than restocking my food and cleaning supplies.”

Joshua lets out a mock gasp, making you giggle as the two of you climb onto the bus. You sit down in the window seat, the pretty man following soon after and continuing what he was saying.

“Better than following you around the grocery store while pushing a cart for an hour? No such thing.” You laugh, slapping his leg and shaking your head at him. He grins, reaching up and patting the top of your head fondly.

“I’m kidding. Doing anything with you brightens my day either way.” Joshua confesses, and you freeze slightly, before regaining your composure. Giving him a tight smile, you turn and glance out the window, watching as the world passes by. Cars filled with people going to wherever it is they’re going, people waiting on the crosswalks to cross the street, children screaming and playing on the playgrounds.

The world is roaring with life.

“I’m happy for them.” You whisper, before closing your eyes.

“Yn, you shouldn’t have.” Joshua says when you lead him towards the entrance of a dog café. You grin, shrugging your shoulders as you muster enough strength to pull open the door. “You’re a dog person. I am simply returning the favor.”

The blonde chuckles, stepping into the café with you following after him. You reach up and hold your bicep, lightly rubbing the area as it feels a bit strained. Your arm immediately falls back to your side when Joshua stops and turns to glance at you, wondering why you’re behind him.

He lets out a fond smile, reaching his hand out towards you. “Come on, let’s go see the dogs.”

Your eyes slowly trail down to his hand, warm and inviting. A stark contrast to what yours have become, cold and lonely. You look back up at Joshua’s face, seeing him tilt his head at you, waiting for you to grasp his hand.

He watches as an indecipherable emotion passes your eyes, before you let out a smile and walk up to him, intertwining your fingers with his. He grins, and the two of you walk further into the café, only to be greeted by a golden retriever.

Your eyes widen in surprise at the beautiful dog, and you’re about to bend down to pet it—only to stop once the sound of Joshua’s happy laugh rings in your ears. You turn to look at him, finding him patting the dog’s head with a bright smile on his face.

“Come on puppy, yn and I have to go order our food.” Joshua says softly, before leading you towards the register. You let out a happy squeal when you see all the other dogs roaming around the tables, feeling excited to play with all of them.

You and Joshua tell the employee what you’d both like to order as a few dogs come to stand beside the two of you. When you’re told the price, you reach into your bag with your free hand to pull out your wallet, only for your mouth to drop open when you see Joshua already handing the employee his card.

“Joshua! I wanted to pay for us.” You whine, and he simply squeezes your hand with an accomplished grin on his face. He thanks the employee once he’s handed back his card along with the receipt, before turning to face you.

“You’re just too slow~” Joshua teases, and you squint. You open your mouth to start complaining more, only to pause when you hear the employee’s voice ring out.

“Sorry to interrupt, but if you’d like, we have a photobooth that you both could go take pictures in.” They tell you with a shy smile, pointing towards the back of the café where the photobooth is, and your eyes brighten at the idea.

“Thank you so much!” You say, before pulling Joshua in the direction of the photobooth, your free hand already holding your wallet so that you can pay for it.

“Yn-” You immediately shove your card into the reader when the two of you step into the small box, closing the black curtain. The blonde chuckles at your determination, and you smile as you pull out your card once the payment is accepted.

“How should we pose?” Joshua asks, and you shrug as you watch the timer start to count down.

“You just gotta feel it.”

“That’s not helpful at all.”

“Just follow my lead.” You say with a laugh, and he grins in amusement, turning back towards the screen. The two of you lean your heads closer to each other, and you wink while Joshua simply smiles as the first photo is captured.

This continues for the next three photos, with the two of you laughing and doing different poses for the photostrip. You both climb out of the small box, waiting for the two photostrips to be printed as you talk about how silly you each must look.

“Ah, they’re printed.” You say once the two photostrips fall out, and you grab them both. You hand one to Joshua, and you hear him let out a small giggle.

You stare at the photostrip quietly, gauging the photos. Warmth floods your chest at the third panel in particular, and you let out a breath.

This was when the two of you missed the countdown as you were both facing each other and laughing. Joshua’s eyes are bright and filled with warmth, a smile on his face as he looks at you in the photo. Then there’s you, mid-laugh, nothing but joy over your features.

“Wow.” You breathe out, and Joshua chuckles at your reaction, nudging you with his shoulder. You blink, looking away from the photostrip and redirecting your attention towards the blonde. “Mm?”

He points towards the table in the corner, where quite a few dogs are resting around. “Let’s go sit there.”

You bite back a laugh, knowing exactly why he wants to sit at that exact spot. Nodding your head, you grin when you see his features brighten, and the two of you walk towards the table. The dogs perk up at your guys’ arrival, almost all of them going around Joshua as the two of you sit across from each other.

“So cute!” Joshua exclaims, a big smile on his face when the golden retriever from earlier rests its paws on Joshua’s chair, licking his face excitedly. The corners of your lips quirk up, and you take out your phone, opening the camera app.

You watch as Joshua grins, petting the golden retriever to try and calm them down as they continue to attempt to lick his face. Tilting your head, you take the photo right as Joshua breaks out into laughter.

You lower the phone from your face when Joshua turns towards you from the sound of the camera shutter, and he lets out a grin when his gaze trails over to your left hand side.

“So busy ogling me that you didn’t even notice the cute puppy waiting for your attention.” Your eyebrows furrow at Joshua’s sentence, and you turn your head to the left, expecting nothing, only for your eyes to widen when you see the precious corgi sitting beside you in the booth, tail wagging as they stare at you.

“Oh my God. Hi baby!” You coo, reaching out and finally giving the attention the corgi had been wanting from you. The corgi licks your wrist, and you giggle, petting their back as you turn to shoot a glare towards the blonde. He raises an eyebrow at the squint to your eyes, and he tilts his head in question.

“I was not ogling you!” You exclaim, and Joshua lets out an angelic laugh that makes your heart do a somersault within your chest. A sheepish smile forms on your face, destroying the “angry” persona you were trying to put on.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge.”

“Joshua!” You laugh, and he laughs along with you.

Your guys’ laughter rings throughout the café for the rest of the afternoon, pure happiness exuding from the two of you.

“Oh sikhye, how you never fail me.” You say lovingly to the drink in your hand. Joshua simply chuckles at your antics, taking a sip of his own sikhye as the two of you walk on the sidewalk towards the bridge.

“Thank you for taking me to the dog café, I had a lot of fun.” Joshua tells you, and you nod your head, a smile forming on your face when you remember how many dogs had been around your table.

“You’re like a dog magnet, while I’m a cat magnet.” You point out, and the blonde purses his lips in thought, before nodding his head in agreement. “That makes sense.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as you make your way onto the bridge, the sounds of the cars driving past you both filling the quiet.

“I feel like you could be a catboy, though.” Joshua accidentally snorts his sikhye at your abrupt comment, and you burst out into laughter as he doubles over, coughing up the drink. Patting his back, you wait for him to calm down as he slowly stands back up to his full height, taking deep breaths.

“A catboy?”

“I cannot believe me calling you a catboy made you snort your drink.” You say, the corners of your mouth twitching as you try to hold back from smiling. The blonde catches this though, and he reaches out and pinches your cheek.

“Hey!”

Joshua smiles at your reaction, feeling satisfied that he got his payback after you made him snort his rice drink. He’s about to ask why you think he’s a catboy when he notices you walking up to the railing of the bridge.

You rest your hand onto the cold railing, staring out at the sight laid before you. The skies are painted in various shades of pink, blue, and purple. The sun is setting in the distance, the dark orange reflecting off the Han River, making the water glimmer.

“It’s…”

“Beautiful.” Joshua finishes, and you turn to him, seeing the sparkle to his eyes as he stares at the scenery. You’re reminded of the cold January night where you met him over two months ago.

His eye bags are practically gone and the hunch to his shoulders are now replaced with confidence. His features are glowing, looking healthy in comparison to before, but it’s his eyes that have changed the most. His eyes no longer appear exhausted as he turns to look at you, now replaced with something along the lines of content.

“We met on this bridge over two months ago.” You state, and Joshua doesn’t respond. He looks back out towards the water, resting his forearms onto the railing as the thought of that night comes to mind. You follow suit, taking a sip of your sikhye as the two of you stare at the scenery in silence, the memories the two of you made over the last two months playing in your head.

“You know when I said I couldn’t see life as something beautiful? And that it wasn’t kind to me?” Joshua asks after a moment, and you nod your head, the memory fresh in your mind.

He lets out a breath, “Two months ago, life was so hard for me that I couldn’t even think of trying anymore. So I didn’t understand what you meant when you said that life was beautiful.”

Your hand squeezes the railing, but you don’t turn to look at Joshua. You know that he wouldn’t want you to look at him as he addresses what he didn’t want to even mention for the last two months.

Joshua glances at you, the sunset no longer capturing his attention. A small smile escapes him as he stares at you, heart warm within his chest.

“I understand what you mean now.” You turn to look at him, immediately locking eyes with the ethereal man. The small smile on his face turns into a full one when he stares into your bright eyes, feeling happy just by being with you.

Joshua turns away, looking back out towards the sunset. Your heart swells with warmth and heartbreak when you hear him say,

“Life is beautiful.”

You don’t respond right away as you struggle to hold back the tears from escaping. Your eyes remain on the scenery laid before you, doing your best to control your breathing as you watch the sun set below the city.

Letting out a breath, you feel Joshua turn to look at you with his soft eyes.

Joshua’s happy, so you’re happy.

You turn your body towards Joshua and give him a tight smile as you raise your arms into the air. The blonde grins, reaching out and taking the sikhye from your hand when he notices some of its contents spill onto the pavement from your gesture. You giggle at your clumsiness, and he just shakes his head.

“What would you do without me?” Joshua asks with a smile, and you shrug your shoulders, turning and beginning to walk in the direction of the bus stop. He tilts his head at you, and he watches as you turn and glance at him with a smile.

“I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now!” You answer, turning away before you get the chance to see Joshua’s reaction. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you swing your arms as you walk, suddenly wishing you had your sikhye in your hand.

The sound of running footsteps makes you glance back, only to let out a loud laugh when Joshua’s arm suddenly wraps around your shoulders, the sound of his giggles ringing in your ear. He holds out the drink in your direction, and you grin, taking it from his grasp.

As you take a sip of the sweet rice drink, you let out a sigh. You take a peek at Joshua, finding the hint of a smile on his face as he drinks his own beverage in his other hand. He notices your eyes on him, and he looks at you, a warm expression forming on his face. He leans in and gently nudges your head with his, before turning back towards the front.

It’s as if all the sadness, anger, and pain melts away from the fond gesture. A shy smile breaks out onto your face as you turn away, letting out a sigh of content.

“Ah, what a beautiful day.”

Joshua glances down at his phone while he waits in the elevator as it goes up to the eighth floor, the floor in which your apartment resides.

april 6, 2021

You haven’t contacted Joshua since the day the two of you went to the dog café, let alone open his texts. He’s been texting you everyday and even calling you to try and get a response, but to no avail.

So he finally decided to go visit your apartment to check in on you and ask what happened.

As the elevator doors open, Joshua steps out and walks down the hallway. Once he turns left to enter the other hall, his eyebrows furrow when he notices the man standing in front of your door. He walks up to the man, who glances up towards the blonde when he catches sight of him through the corner of his eye.

“Do you know yn?” Joshua asks once he’s a few feet away from the older man. The gentleman nods, holding up his ID card, “I’m their landlord.”

Joshua almost lets out a breath of relief, finally having met someone who could possibly know where you’ve been. The blonde points towards your apartment door, “Yn hasn’t contacted me in like, two weeks. Do you know if they’re home or if they went somewhere-”

“You don’t know?” Your landlord asks, and Joshua pauses. A feeling of dread runs down his spine when he sees the look of pity appear in the older man’s eyes when Joshua shakes his head, no.

The dread soon turns into regret when the landlord informs him of the information he hadn’t known for the last three months.

“Are you comfortable?” The nurse asks as she replaces your tube. You give her a weak smile, glancing out the window and staring at the birds flying past it as you answer, “As comfortable as I can be.”

Once the nurse finishes cleaning you up, she bows in your direction and steps out of the room. You let out a breath, eyes trailing down to your phone. You press your finger to the screen, and the photo of Joshua that you took at the dog café shines back at you.

A soft smile escapes you when you see how brightly he’s laughing, the sound of his joyful laughs still ringing in your ear as if he was here with you. The brief moment of happiness you feel turns into one of guilt when you’re reminded of all the messages, missed calls, and voicemails he’s left you for the last two weeks.

It’s for the best, you remind yourself. You want him to be happy, and knowing that you’re on your literal deathbed would take that away from him.

You bite the inside of your cheek once you feel the tears rise to your eyes, and you let out an annoyed huff. In an attempt to make the wetness to your eyes disappear, you move to stare up at the ceiling, only to freeze when your gaze lands on the doorway.

“Joshua?”

The blonde is standing there, chest rising and falling as he stares at you, pain evident in his gaze. His eyes trail over your appearance, wondering how he didn’t see the signs from the beginning. From the times you told him you were having trouble sleeping, the loss of appetite, how easily exhausted you would become from simply laughing too hard in the recent weeks.

How could he not know?

“Yn.” Joshua breathes out, walking over to your bedside and sitting down in the chair. Feeling the tears flood your eyes, you look away from him, staring down at your hands in shame.

“How did you find out?” You ask in a quiet voice, knowing he’s going to hate you for not telling him. When you don’t hear his response, the tears escape your eyes, falling onto the hospital blanket.

“I’m so sorry Joshua.”

“I’m so selfish.” Your eyes widen slightly, and you look up from the blanket, only for your heart to break within your chest when you see the tears falling past Joshua’s eyes.

“I-I hated my life and I openly complained about it in front of you, but you were going through so much worse and you still saw the beauty in it.” Joshua mutters, his hands reaching up towards his face as he tries to wipe away his tears. “I’m so sorry, yn.” You feel a sob bubble up in your chest, and you shake your head at him.

“Don’t compare your struggles and pain to mine. Your struggles and your pain are valid. You have nothing to apologize for.” You tell him, vision becoming blurry as you reach out towards him with your hand. Joshua bites his bottom lip, before grasping your cold hand with his warm one.

“It’s not fair.” Joshua mutters, and you blink at him. His hand tightens gently around yours, and he looks up into your beautiful eyes that hold so much life in them.

The life you deserve to live.

“I-It’s not fair. You of all people deserve to live your life.” Joshua says, the anger and sadness heavy in his voice. You let out a small smile, squeezing his hand with as much energy you can muster. “Sometimes life isn’t fair.”

Joshua just scoffs at your positivity and you let out a weak giggle. His eyes soften from the sight of your smile, and he reaches out with his free hand, wiping away your tears with his thumb. You lean into the touch, and Joshua feels his heart stutter in his chest.

“Can you stay with me?” You ask, looking up into his deerlike eyes. Warmth floods the blonde’s face at how ethereal you are, feeling content when he still sees the sparkle in your eyes.

“Yeah, always.”

Joshua slips off of his shoes and scoots you over on the hospital bed. He climbs onto it and lays onto his back beside you. You rest your head onto his arm, turning onto your side so that you’re facing him, and close your eyes at the feeling of his fingers intertwining with yours.

“Thank you.” You mutter sleepily, and Joshua raises an eyebrow.

“For what?”

The memories of the last three months rewind in your head like a cassette tape, all the joy, laughter, sadness. All of it.

“For making my last three months worthwhile.”

Joshua sucks in a breath at your words, and he clenches his fist at his side. He’s filled with anger, sadness, so many different emotions as he turns his body to face you. He finds that you’re already fast asleep, small puffs of air leaving your lips, a reminder that you’re here.

You’re alive.

Holding back the tears from rising, Joshua closes his eyes and gently rests his forehead onto yours. He feels your breath hit his lips, and he finds that it’s the only thing that calms him down as he feels a wave of drowsiness hit him.

He soon falls asleep with the thought of you turning to face him on the bridge two weeks ago, with the bright smile on your face that he’s grown to love.

“Can I please take yn out of the hospital? They’re right at the entrance. It’s not like I’m taking yn to an amusement park.”

“No, Joshua.”

“But Dr. Park, please.” Joshua practically begs, following after your doctor as he tries to walk back to his office. The man doesn’t even spare the blonde another glance, already set on his answer.

It’s been a week since Joshua discovered the truth of your illness, and he’s visited every single day. Even if he had classes or a shift at work, he’d immediately take the bus to the hospital right after to come and see you.

He knows your time is soon from how frail you’ve become, the exhaustion and pain evident on your face no matter how hard you try to hide it behind the smile you show him.

That’s why he’s desperate for Dr. Park to say yes.

“I’ll even have the nurse accompany us! Please, it won’t take long.” Joshua calls out, and he watches as Dr. Park’s shoulders slump as he lets out a sigh. The older man turns to glance at him, “Joshua…”

“Please, Dr. Park. Yn—” Joshua looks down at his shoes, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tries to muster up the courage to say the next words. “Yn doesn’t have much time left.”

Dr. Park stares at the blonde, knowing very well that your time is drawing near. He looks to his side, remembering what he told you the day you found out about your tragic fate.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn.”

Dr. Park lets out a sigh, before turning back towards Joshua, who’s still staring down at the floor. He purses his lips, “Fine. You can take yn, but not for long. I’ll have their nurse accompany you.”

Joshua immediately lifts up his head, eyes bright as he nods his head frantically. He blurts out multiple thank yous, even bowing at least ten times before he heads back to your hospital room.

Dr. Park just lets out a sad smile as he watches the blonde disappear past the corner. Shaking his head, he glances down at his clipboard and heads towards his next patient.

You lay in the hospital bed, struggling to keep your eyes open as you wait for Joshua. Your gaze is glued towards the doorway, wondering when you’ll see those pretty deerlike eyes of his. Your eyelids feel heavy, and you feel sleep beginning to pull you in.

“Yn!” Your eyes slowly open at the angelic voice, and you find Joshua walking up to your hospital bed with an excited smile on his face. The corners of your lips tug upward, “Joshua, you look excited.”

“I have a surprise for you.” Your eyebrows furrow in suspicion, and he lets out a laugh. A sudden figure at your doorway catches your attention, and Joshua steps to the side so that you can see. You squint when you see your nurse standing there, a wheelchair in front of her as she gives you a smile.

“What are you planning?” You ask, eyes going back to the blonde. He shrugs his shoulders, reaching out and grasping your cold hand, giving it a squeeze.

“You’ll see.”

It takes about twenty minutes until you’re finally in the wheelchair, as you’re no longer able to walk on your own. It was hard, since Joshua had to help your nurse by carrying you and placing you into the seat. You kept apologizing for being a bother, but Joshua would always reply,

“You could never be a bother, yn.”

And now you’re being pushed through the halls. With your nurse holding onto the IV pole while Joshua pushes you. You can’t help but feel a bit of excitement run through your veins as the three of you slowly make your way out of the hospital, no matter how exhausted you are.

“What’s the surprise? Did you buy me a sikhye truck?”

“You think I’m rich?” Joshua counters, and you smile at his response. It’s when you’re closer to the automatic doors that you begin to feel your heartbeat faster, ecstatic to be able to smell the fresh air.

“Are you ready?” Joshua asks, leaning over to peek at your face. You let out a shaky breath, before nodding your head and giving him a thumbs up. “Of course.”

The blonde smiles, and starts pushing you towards the exit again, watching as the automatic doors open for the three of you. The sunlight shines down on you once you’re outside, and you suck in a deep breath of the fresh air, blinking your eyes to get used to the sudden light.

Once your eyes open again, you find Joshua standing before you, arms stretched up towards the sky. A pose that you always did when the two of you were together. You’re about to ask what he’s doing when a sudden flash of pink flies past your face. You turn your head, eyes following after it until it falls onto the ground next to dozens of others.

A cherry blossom petal.

You slowly look back towards Joshua, seeing the warm smile on his face as he stares at you. Your eyes trail upwards, and you let out a breath when you see the fully bloomed cherry blossom trees above you. The brilliant shades of pink and white are hanging above you, and you feel your heart swell.

A breeze blows past the trees, and you watch as the petals begin to fall around you and Joshua. The beautiful and delicate petals gently flow with the wind, as if they were pink snowflakes fluttering past you.

Opening up the palm of your hand, you watch as a precious petal falls directly into the middle of it. You let out a wet laugh, tears trailing down your cheeks as you look back up towards Joshua. He’s smiling back at you, eyes filled with tears of his own as the two of you stare at each other.

“I saw the cherry blossoms with you.” You say softly, and Joshua nods his head, a heartbreaking smile on his face. Biting your bottom lip, you close your fingers around the precious petal in your hand, blinking away the tears that keep flooding your eyes.

“Thank you, Joshua.” You mutter, and the blonde simply lets out a sigh, turning so that he’s facing the cherry blossom tree. You look up towards him, seeing the small smile on his face as he glances back at you.

“Consider it a gift, yn.”

You lay on your hospital bed, listening to Joshua tell you about the lecture he attended today. Your heart warms when you hear him let out a giggle when mentioning something his classmate said, and a small smile escapes you.

It’s been a few hours since you were brought back inside from seeing the cherry blossom trees, and Joshua’s stayed by your side the whole time. He didn’t even leave when you took a nap, just staying in the chair beside your bed doing his homework as he waited for you to wake up.

You know that your time is almost over as you feel your heartbeat slow while listening to Joshua, finding yourself growing more sleepy. Somehow, rather than being afraid, you feel content.

You’re happy.

You can see that Joshua knows it too, as he keeps talking to you about anything and everything, when you’d usually be the one to fill the silence.

“And that’s how—”

“Joshua?” The blonde looks up at the sound of your voice immediately, and his heart falls when he sees the smile on your face.

It’s different from all the ones before. It’s not bright, teasing, exciting, no.

It’s accepting.

“Y-Yeah?” Joshua asks, and you extend your hand towards him. He reaches out and grasps it, your hand fitting perfectly within his own.

“What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” You ask in a soft voice, staring into those deerlike eyes that seem to hold all the stars in the world.

You want to remember it.

You want to remember him.

Joshua bites the inside of his cheek at your question, looking down at your connected hands as he tries to think of his answer. You watch as his eyebrows furrow in thought, and you grin in amusement at how hard he’s thinking.

The thought of the arcade comes to mind, as the neon purple lights shone on your face as you turned to look at him with a bright smile.

The sunset, when you spun around with your arms in the air and danced along the grass as he took photos of you.

Going grocery shopping, when you were telling him a story with the softest of smiles on your face. Your eyes twinkled underneath the horrible fluorescent lights, and he wondered how you could possibly look so ethereal even with the bad lighting.

Your strawberry pajamas that you love so much.

Visiting the cat café, where your smile was the brightest and you were practically glowing from all the attention from the cats.

When it rained and you were laughing and spinning around as you let the raindrops fall onto you. Not a care in the world as you smiled brightly and extended your hand out towards him.

Going stargazing, except when he turned his head and looked into your eyes — he realized that you shined brighter than the millions of stars in the sky.

Joshua looks back towards you, seeing you waiting expectantly. His eyes trail over your features, from your beautiful eyes to your pretty lips that always hold a smile. He squeezes your hand softly as he finally answers,

“You.”

You blink at his answer, before a small smile breaks out onto your face. Looking away, you notice the full moon out the window, with the millions of stars surrounding it on this clear night. You let out a breath, feeling like they’re closer tonight.

“What about you? What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” Joshua asks, and he watches as your head slowly turns back towards him. You give him a grin and squeeze his hand with as much energy as you can muster, finding yourself getting lost in his bright eyes.

“You. The most beautiful thing about life is you, Joshua.”

Joshua smiles, but his heart hurts as his eyes pan to your vital signs monitor, seeing that your heart rate is slowing. He looks back at you, and he sucks in a deep breath when only one thought comes to mind.

There’s still so many things he wants to tell you, so many things he wants to do with you. However, as he stares into your eyes, he realizes there’s only one last thing you need to know.

“Yn?”

“Yeah, Joshua?” You respond, now struggling to keep your eyes open as you stare at him.

“I love you.”

You and Joshua stare at each other in silence for a moment, having finally aired out the truth that the two of you have kept hidden for the last three months. The truth that the both of you kept denying, for fear of the future. A bright smile forms on your face, and Joshua feels his heart stutter within his chest at the sight.

“I love you too, Joshua.”

He lets out a breath, swallowing the lump in his throat to try and appear strong for you. As Joshua stares at you, he realizes just how beautiful you are. Even though you’re frail and tired, your beauty is unmatched as he looks into your eyes.

And so, Joshua smiles back at you, and you feel warmth flood your body at the beauty of it.

You hope to remember his smile even in your next life.

Joshua hears your monitor begin to beep, signalling that your heart rate is dropping. He doesn’t look away from you, holding the eye contact between the two of you as your eyes slowly fall shut. The grip you had on his hand loosens, and he continues to stare at you as your nurse comes in once the sound of the flatline rings throughout the room.

Joshua stands up from the chair, heart thumping against his chest once your nurse turns off your monitor.

“Time of death: Tuesday, April 13th. At 8:13 PM.”

Silence fills the room as he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your temple, before pulling away and falling back into the chair. The smile that he showed you is now gone as he bites his bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to fall as he stares at you, the smallest of smiles still remaining on your face.

Joshua looks down as a few tears escape, and he slowly rests his forehead onto your guys’ connected hands, sobs finally wracking through his body as he holds onto you.

The moon and the stars shine down onto the two of you through the hospital window. They illuminate the room as Joshua sobs against your hand, knowing that you were finally able to reach them.

You were finally able to reach the moon and the stars.

april 13, 2022

Joshua looks away from the calendar on the wall once he’s handed the bouquet of bright sunflowers. He smiles at the employee, giving them his thanks before he turns around and walks out of the store.

The sun shines down on him as he walks towards the columbarium, making his black hair appear a light brown underneath the light.

The sound of the birds chirping rings through his ears, and he smiles softly as he steps in through the entrance. He walks through the hall, before he finally stops, looking up and seeing your bright smile shining back at him.

Joshua lets out a grin at the sight, placing your sunflowers into the mini slot that holds the bouquets. A breath escapes him as he stares at the photos in your display, all of the photos capturing your beautiful smile. His eyes land on the last one, and he bites the inside of his cheek.

It’s the photostrip of the two of you from the day you both went to the dog café.

Joshua has the same photostrip on the back of his phone case, as a reminder of a beautiful day.

“Did you miss me?” Joshua asks you, knowing that he won’t receive a response. He smiles softly, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s been a year without you, and I still think of your bright smile everyday.” Joshua tells you, placing his hands into his pockets as he continues to stare at the floor. “I know you’re getting a kick out of hearing me say that, huh?”

Joshua stands there before you in silence for a moment, holding back the tears that threaten to flood his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, before looking back up towards you with a smile and begins to update you on everything that’s happened since he last visited.

From the new job he got at an early learning center as a teacher, to the cat he visits at the shelter that reminds him of you, to his new friend Jeonghan who’s more mischievous than you could imagine, to the fried rice he made in the morning.

He tells you anything and everything until he can no longer think of anything else to say. Joshua lowers his head, wishing that he could hear a response.

“I miss you.” He mutters, the thought of your smile and contagious laugh coming to mind. There’s a dull ache in his heart that has remained since you passed, and he knows it will be there for a long time.

But as he lifts up his head to look at you and sees the photo of the both of you laughing, he knows he’ll be okay. You want him to be happy.

Joshua sucks in a deep breath, before reaching up and resting his hand over the glass.

“Thank you, yn. Thank you for teaching me how to live.”

Joshua gives you a genuine smile, before taking a step back from your locker.

“I’ll continue to live happily, so don’t worry about me. I’ll visit you again soon...” Joshua chuckles as he trails off, looking away as warmth floods his face at the thought of the next thing he wants to tell you. He lets out a breath, before smiling at you as he says,

“I love you.”

And with that, Joshua turns around and walks away with a lighter heart. He steps out of the columbarium and walks down the street, the thought of your smile and the sound of your laugh lingering in his mind.

He walks with his head down, hands in his pockets as he heads to the bus stop. It’s only when a pink petal floats past him that he pauses and finally looks up from the ground.

The fully bloomed cherry blossoms are a few feet from him, planted on the grass near the sidewalk, painting the pavement pink. He watches as a breeze blows past him, making hundreds of cherry blossom petals gently fall from the trees.

Joshua lets out a small smile at the sight, before looking up towards the blue sky. A content sigh escapes him as he watches a pretty white cloud float past him.

“What a beautiful day.”

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