#There are just some cons whos roles fit perfectly in what I want to do

[shyspider]

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT BOOK!!!!! Take as long as you need but pLEASE come back soon! Can you give spoilers? What cons will be there?

The only spoilers I'm gonna give is that it's my first attempt at writing action. Like, actual scenes of hand-to-hand fighting, battles between ships and factions, and all out firefights.

As for what Decepticons? You'll just have to come back and read the epilogue. The cuts I'm going to share will tell you what you want to know.

[oblique-lane]

Spy tf2 and his identity

Character analysis (or at least my vision on him, if you believe my reasoning)

What do we know about Spy? He's a disguise mastermind. He can pretend to be anyone in order to infiltrate into the scene to do his job - quite literally, stab people on the back. But when he's not in the battle, what is he to his teammates? A suave Frenchman, a gentleman with taste, somewhat a leader.

At least, that's the persona he prefers to show. But is he really..?

What if I tell you that this person never drops his disguise?

For a man who always wears a mask and who's identity being secret is a sacred part of his role in this job, isn't this persona too much to show if it is real? Frenchman, rich, ladykiller... Wouldn't it be too easy to decipher his identity with so much clues provided? Wouldn't it be dangerous?

While Miss Pauling and the Administrator definitely know Spy's real identity, hiding it is a major thing for whatever reason. One could assume it might be because of Scout (obvious guess) but I doubt he's a sole reason. Spy very much enjoys being the Spy all by himself. Do what's the deal?

Let's start from the beginning.

Why did Spy join Mann Co. in the first place?

Let's take this assumption as a fact: people come here out of desperation. They are professionals in their field, yet in their past/casual life there is a pattern of them having difficulties that push them into joining this service. I don't see why Spy would be an exception.

The reason for joining is usually money. Some people question why Spy, a wealthy man from higher society, would join Mann Co. if he has it all already.

Well, probably because he really does not.

Have you ever met an aristocrat? Wealthy people don't get so protective about their expensive suits, they can afford cleaning or a new one. Regardless, rich people don't usually get stingy about material goods, especially if they're mass produced.

At least, not those who were born into wealth.

Spy's defensiveness about his "wealthy stuff", his pomp-ness, disgust and arrogance towards "plebs" gives off a man who knows what it means to live in poverty and who doesn't want to be associated with it ever again.

(Not even talking about his own filthy habits such as not washing his mask and pissing on walls? Jesus Christ)

Dare I even guess that he might be not French at all? His French is so broken. (Although, so is Medic's German, but at least he uses his language much more frequently and in more complex sentences, while Spy only uses French to say some basic expressions, occasionally confusing them with other languages). Definitely not a native.

If anything, he's not giving "rich man" at all, he's giving con man. And that fits my picture perfectly.

So, poor upbringing. How old is Spy? If he's Scout's father (and he was young when he was conceived), I'd say he's no less than 20 years older than him. I'd give him a few more years actually. So, approximately Spy is around 50 at the events of the game (1968-1972). Let's assume he was born somewhere in the 1910s.

Even if he's not French, I still agree that he's probably European. Hmm, what was happening in Europe at the time Spy was a kid?

Oh yeah. The Great Depression.

See my picture: imagine, a child from a lower class family during the Great Depression, his parents were most likely to not take good care about him (both because of the economical situation AND as an echo to Spy's struggles with his own fatherhood). He has to run away from home early and start to make money. Any way possible.

Unavoidably, it leads to crime.

Petty theft, blackmail, scams. Changing identities. Selling low quality products and services. Changing identities again. When older, seducing rich women to stay at their homes overnight, be fed and supported. Running away from the police. Walking into a trap of the mafia, and then joining them as their goon.

In this nightmare of a life he just had to keep pretending to be someone else, someone better and stronger, in order to his ego to not completely shutter. He had to imagine he was an invincible mastermind trickster of some sort, not just a poor boo-hoo victim of poverty who has never knew normal life and care.

And if you pretend for long enough, you become your role eventually... Right?

His true self was long lost forgotten under many layers of new identities. Worse, his true self was never known. And he didn't want it to be known in its ugly and disgusting vulnerability. Narcissism became his lifeline.

It's so much better to be Spy. To be rich and elegant and respected. His ego rebuilt.

[jawritter]

Don’t Make A Sound

Requested by anon HERE

Summary: You are forced to share a bed with Jensen due to overbooking at the Dallas Con he had to work at. What do you do when you catch your boss having a very hot wet dream?

Warnings: Smut, Bed Humping, Masterbation, Public Smut?, Language, shameless objectification of Jensen Ackles, Jensen having a wet dream (yes that’s a warning) I think that’s about it. This is pretty much porn, and I’m not sorry. 

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 1931

A/N: This is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine! Just thought I’d throw this one out there for you guys since my posting got thrown off by a hurricane, and I’m feeling generous tonight. Besides, who can say no to a bed humping Jensen Ackles? I didn’t think so. Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this one!!

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!

***MASTERLIST***

You don’t know how you got here… Wait a minute… That’s not entirely true. You do know how you got here. There were no other rooms available, it was the last Dallas Con of the year, and it had been put off and hyped up so long that it was overbooked. 

You’d been working as Jensen Ackles PA for the last six months. With SPN ending, and his new role on The Boys looming, he’d been overwhelmed in his workload, and he needed a little extra help getting organized, which is where you come in. 

Normally you would have just rented a room close to his. This time though, there were no other rooms available, and the only room available by the time Jensen and yourself got to Dallas was a suite with one king bed. Jensen let you stay with him, saying there was no way in hell you were going to drive across town to rent another room when there was a perfectly good room with a big enough bed to share right here. 

Now here you are.

So yes, you know very well how you got here. Laying in bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling unable to sleep, with your extremely hot boss laying in nothing but a pair of loose-fitting boxer shorts, and a black fitted T-Shirt, less than a whole foot away from you.

Couldn’t get any more awkward? Wait!! There’s more!!!

Why not just sleep on the pull out couch in the room? Well, that’s because it was currently occupied by one Misha Collins, who had flown down with Jensen and yourself from Vancouver and found himself in the same boat as you. Roomless. 

Alcohol flowed as it does at cons. Too many shots were taken at the bar downstairs attached to the hotel, and Misha was allowed to pass out on the pullout to avoid a drunk Uber ride to God knows where he’d end up. 

You felt Jensen’s weight shift next to you, and a low grunt leaves his lips, but he didn’t wake up. The room was stuffy, and he’d kicked the covers off an hour ago, the light coming from the still it bathroom left very little to the imagination as he shifted over to his stomach with his arms tucked under his pillow. The delicious curve of his ass on display in the loose-fitting boxer shorts, and the T-Shirt that had shoved it’s way up higher on his stomach when he rolled over, leaving that dip in his back exposed that people fangirled all over the globe. 

You mentally slap yourself for drooling over your boss while he unknowingly slept next to you, and forced your eyes to focus back on the ceiling. You were finally starting to feel somewhat of tiredness pull at your subconscious, and you finally let your eyes drift close. Then you heard it. A low moan comes from the extravagantly hot man lying next to. Barely audible, but definitely a moan. 

Your eyes shoot to Jensen as if someone had thrown cold water on you, but he was still laying in the same position sound asleep. 

Maybe you were dreaming and didn’t realize you had fallen asleep. 

Before you could pull your eyes away from his gorgeous body, his hips rolled ever so slightly, and a light moan fell from his lips again, pulling his boxers tighter against his well-formed ass from all the years of fight scene on Supernatural. 

You didn’t move, fuck you barely dared to breathe as you watched him. He was seriously laying next to you having a wet dream? No way.

Your eyes shot over to Misha, who was still sound asleep, or just flat passed out, Jared had pretty much drank him under the table in a bet. He was out thankfully. 

Jensen’s hips shifted again, and your eyes shot back to the scene playing out next to you as Jensen’s hips started to shifted up and down a little as he rutted himself against the mattress in his sleep, his hips finding a deep rhythm as little grunts and moans continued to fall almost inaudible from his perfect mouth. 

You knew you shouldn’t watch, this was wrong, you should look away, but every woman with a pulse, and some men for that matter, wouldn't be able to look away from this. No way. Not a chance.

Jensen’s hips rolled harder, pushing himself deeper against the mattress in search of more friction, and your hand wandered into the waistband of your shorts without you even really realizing it, finding your little bundle of nerve you began to rub harsh little circles matching his pace.

“Hmph fuck,” Jensen murmured in his sleep as he continued to hump himself into the bed, and with a deeper roll of his hips, the red swollen tip of his erection slipped threw he little slit in his boxers, rolling against the mattress as Jensen continued to fuck himself into it. A bead of precum formed at the tip as he continued to swell under his own administrations, dripping onto the white sheet underneath him. 

You bite down on your lower lip to suppress the moan that desperately wanted to fall from your lips as you watch him, slipping your fingers inside your shorts deeper, teasing your clenching entrancing that desperately wanted to be stretched by the man next to you.

He was fucking beautiful. His throbbing erection slipping through the opening in the front of his boxers, rolling against the bed with each push of his hips. His brow furrowed with a thin layer of sweat already forming there. His lips pouted in concentration. 

With each roll of his hips against the mattress, his breath started to become a pant, and a hushed moan from a moment ago became more and more prominent. 

“Y/N!” he moaned loudly, and his eyes snapped open mid-thrust against the now rooted covers that had gathered underneath him. His eyes wide with horror as embarrassment burned hot in his face. His perching green eyes locked with yours before a prominent pout formed on his beautiful face, and you were almost sure for a moment he looked as if he was going to cry from sheer embarrassment. 

Quickly jerking himself back into his boxer he broke eye contact with you and made to get up out of the bed.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry, I’ve never done anything like that before… I don’t… I’m sorry.” 

Grabbing his pillow he made to stand up but his throbbing length strained harder against the thin fabric of his boxers, so running with dignity was out of the window, hell dignity period was out of the window. Admitting defeat he grabbed the thin sheet and threw it over his hips, covering himself with the pillow that he had in his hand for good measure, then burying his face in his hands as if he wanted to die right there. 

You had two choices, you could roll over and pretend you weren’t just enjoying the show, because he’d obviously hadn’t noticed that you were, or you could shove him down on the bed, and give him the ride of his life. At this point your job was probably shot anyway, so you chose the former. He was so embarrassed that surely he’d fire you in the morning. 

“It’s okay Jensen," you whisper, crawling over to his side of the bed, and moving the pillow away from his lap, revealing the prominent tent in his boxers as you ripped the sheet away. 

He watched with his jaw hanging open as you slipped your shorts, and underwear down in one go before shoving him back down on the bed, shushing him as he laid back. 

“Don’t make a sound,” you tell him as quietly as you can, giving Misha a quick glance to make sure he was still sleeping before taking his pulsing length in your hand, pumping him a few times before sliding down onto him. 

Your mouth falls open in an inaudible moan as his back arched up to meet you as you slowly sink down onto his sizable length, and he stretches you open until you were fully seated on his lap with him inside of you, your walls already clenching around him as he bit down hard into his lips. 

He was already panting again, his eyes slammed shut in an attempt to make no sound, his mouth fallen open just slightly; letting you see his perfect row of white teeth and tongue peeking out just over the edge.

When he was finally able to open his eyes again they were at least three shades darker than what they were when he’d woken up, and his fingers found your hips in a bruising grip. Slowly at first, Jensen helped you begin to move your hips. Rolling in a slow teasing motion as you both become used to the feel of each other. His thick length hitting that place deep down inside of you very few men had ever reached, his eyes watched you bodies where they were connected.

You could already feel that familiar coil winding tight in your stomach as you moved above him, pushing you to rise and fall on him faster and faster as his hips rose and fell to meet yours as you rode him. 

“Fuck Y/N, I can’t, I’m about to fucking blow. Cum with me sweetheart,” he panted in a hushed whisper. Sitting up quickly he pulled your bodies tighter together as you continued to grind down on his cock, his pelvis hitting your clit at just the right angle, and before long you were a shaking mess on top of him as your walls clamped down around him, and he spilled his seed deep inside of you. Both of you held onto each other as he pushed you both through your high until you both fell back onto the bed a painting mess. 

You buried your head in Jensen’s shoulder as his arms wrapped around you protectively, his lips finding yours in a deep, passionate kiss. 

“That was,” Jensen said in a hushed whisper as his eyes searched yours and he struggled to find the words to say.

“About fucking time,” Misha exclaimed loudly from the pullout bed across the room. Making Jensen and yourself look at each other in a mix of embarrassment and amusement.

“Now if the two of you are fucking done, I’ve got a 5 AM flight I have to be ready for in the morning.” 

Jensen chucked as you buried yourself deeper into his hold, trying not to laugh hysterically because of your nerves. 

“Sorry Mish, go back to sleep,” he chucked as Misha got up and made his way to the bathroom, mumbling something about Jared owing him 100 bucks.

“So, where does this leave us?” you asked Jensen the question you feared the most, and he took a deep breath, staring towards the ceiling in thought.

“Well, I can either give you a raise and call you my VERY personal assistant or I can take you out to dinner tomorrow night; and call you my girlfriend instead?”

You settle yourself down into the covers as he pulled the over the two of you with a stupid smile plastered over your face. 

“You know what, dinner sounds great.”

Misha stumbles his way back to the bed, snorting in amusement. “Honestly Y/N, I would have taken the raise.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forever Tag List: @deanmonandnegansbitch @hayleeharling @flamencodiva @coldmuffinbanditshoe @bxbyizzy @rain-dance-goblin @itmejado @deanwanddamons @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @lyss-dw79 @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler @screechingartisancashbailiff @thecreatiivecorner  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624 @busy-bee-angel-misska @justanotherwinchester @brilovesdeanwinchester @idksupernatural​ @lyarr24​ @amandamdiehl​ @love-jackles-37-blog​ @miraclesoflove​ @waywardsistershy​ @emoryhemsworth​ @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ @softsebastian​ @tatted-trina6​

[yuzuchi-b]

Ever after high AU (alternate universe)

CONTEXT (use translator if something is not understood let it be known) Versión en español al final de esto .

The good king is a former knight (he was called the dark knight) to think of having that name he was a beloved knight in Ever After everywhere. Raven, because she was her daughter, was always a fan of the knights because of the stories that her father told him about the dark knight, but her mother detested, since she was going to find out about her destiny and femininity according to her. she secretly practices sword with his trained potato. A king never forgets his learning even though he is already retired, one day she discovered that the tales of the dark knight was actually her father (no one knew the true identity of the dark knight or even the evil queen herself) her father upon discovering what in She really wanted to make her daughter support her. He knew that his wife would not be happy with this so he kept it a secret (or well not until the queen was caught in the mirror) he taught his daughter control of the sword and how to be a knight, the day before leaving. from Ever After High gave him his old armor parting with some changes such as supports to fit him perfectly (the same as Darling had) and his old sword and shield. Raven mysteriously always disappeared when the dark knight appeared (but nobody really noticed, they were too distracted admiring the dark knight). When she presented herself with her armor, she proclaimed herself as the "son of the dark knight" named as Runar Schwert (name with German origins such as the story of Snow White). Raven does not want to be the villain of the story. She wants to be the knight who saves the princesses. when she goes to the class for princes (I do not remember the name of that class has very strange and difficult names to remember) (she goes in armor so that they do not recognize her, the biggest mystery in that Au is how is the face of Runar the brave dark knight descendant of original dark knight) Raven refuses her fate as the next evil queen as she wants to be the next dark knight (in simple words she wants to be a knight just like Darling).

The evil queen is the same as in the original au she hates the dark knight (she doesn't know it's her daughter) she hates him since she doesn't see anything in a guy in armor

raven armor (made by me)

The only Ever After High student who knows her secret is Darling Charming she discovered Raven's secret in an oversight Raven herself committed. Darling here never found the armor of the white knight so she never learned to use the sword well (she trained sword from what she saw her brothers but in a very amateur way), she begs Raven to teach her, Raven at first reluctant since She had never taught anyone, after Darling pleaded with her, she agrees to make her his student there. Darling learns to use the sword correctly. Raven and Darling are lost in wonderland and she finds the armor of the white knight the former white knight puts Darling to the test. ends up gaining the armor thus creating the duo of brothers the dark knight and the white knight (people really think they are brothers because of their friendly behavior among them some girls shipe them with a weird ship they have) creating the best duo of gentlemen who were full of mysteries, their faces? . Darling is obviously less agile than Raven but almost as effective, she has a disadvantage by not having magic like Raven, things cost her more.

Raven queen

Brave like his father with the role of being the successor of the dark knight and changing his destiny to that of a brave knight who saves princesses wings, his magic which he only uses in an emergency since before he used his magic to improve his physique but began to develop muscles naturally (korra-like muscles) when he exerted, he uses illusion spell to hide his muscular body since he is not a princess body, you have scars that were made in his trainings and in some fights (secret that he never told his father how he got these wounds), they are covered by his illusion spell, he secretly goes to the princes class (that class where they will learn how to save a damsel in distress) with his father's armor so that they do not discover her I proclaim as the son of the dark knight in part it is not totally a lie even that she really is not a boy she hates that they call her with masculine synonyms but she supports it since they can not discover her identity, I hate to the evil classes (where he learns to be bad) he prefers the heroes and princes classes the only person who knows he is the dark knight are the narrator, darling charming and his father when he entered Ever After High he began to listen to the narrators for some reason that she does not know (Madeline cannot hear them) she has a terrible fear of her mother, her magic gives her a huge advantage over all, she can use her magic to have superhuman strength and better reflexes and attacks more strong, his magic touch is that he can enhance his body and combine it with the use of sword and magic.

From there everything is the same only that the dark knight exists and the white knight does not exist (STILL) but the red knight does but he does not appear since it is not important (if the white knight exists but later).

The evil queen here escaped some years ago before the series started, she wants to destroy Ever After High as some kind of twisted taste for teasing snow white and putting terror, while trying to destroy wonderland again, she can't see to his daughter as in the original because she is no longer trapped in the mirror, the person who freed her is unknown.

everything is the same only these changes Darling and Raven the duo of gentlemen and Madeline does not listen to the narrators, the evil queen is free.

I was like two days to write all this good until next time.

El rey bueno es un ex caballero ( se llamaba el caballero oscuro ) a pensar de tener ese nombre era un caballero amado en Ever After en todas partes . Raven por ser su hija siempre fue fan de los caballeros por las historias que le contada su padre sobre el caballero oscuro , pero su madre detestaba , ya que iba encontrar de su destino y feminidad según ella . secretamente practica espada con el entrenado de su papa . Un rey nunca olvida su enteramiento aun que ya este retirado , un día ella descubrió que los cuentos del caballero oscuro era en realidad su padre (nadie conocía la verdadera identidad del caballero oscuro ni siquiera la misma reina malvada ) su padre al descubrir lo que en verdad quería hacer su hija la apoyo. El sabia que su esposa no estaría feliz con esto así que lo mantuvo en secreto ( o bueno no hasta que la reina quedo presa en el espejo) le enseño a su hija el control de la espada y como ser una caballera , día antes de irse de Ever After High le regalo de despedida su vieja armadura con algunos cambios como unos soportes para que le quedara ala perfección ( los mismo que tenia Darling ) y su vieja espada y escudo. Raven misteriosamente siempre desaparecía cuando el caballero oscuro aparecía (pero realmente nadie se dio cuenta, estaban demasiado distraídos  admirando al caballero oscuro) . ella al presentarse con su armadura se proclamo como el "hijo del caballero oscuro" llamado como Runar Schwert (nombre con orígenes alemanes como la historia de las blanca nieves) Raven no quiere ser el villano de la historia quiere ser el caballero que salve alas princesas cuando va ala clase para príncipes (no recuerdo el nombre de esa clase tiene nombres muy raros y difíciles de recordar ) (ella va en armadura para que no la reconozcan , el misterio mas grande en ese Au es como es el rostro de Runar el valiente caballero oscuro descendiente del caballero oscuro original ) Raven se niega a su destino como la próxima reina malvada ya que ella quiere ser la siguiente caballera oscura (en simples palabras quiere ser un caballero al igual que Darling) .

La reina malvada es igual que en el au original odia al caballero oscuro (no sabe que es su hija) lo detesta ya que no le ve nada a un tipo con armadura .

La única estudiante de Ever After High que conoce su secreto es Darling Charming ella descubrió el secreto de Raven en un descuido de la misma Raven cometió. Darling aquí nunca encontró la armadura del caballero blanco así que nunca aprendió bien usar la espada ( ella entrenaba espada por lo que veía a su hermanos pero de forma bien amateur), ella le suplica a Raven que le enseñe , Raven al principio reacia ya que nunca había enseñado a nadie , después que Darling le suplicara , ella acepta convertirla en su estudiante ahí Darling aprende usar espada correctamente . Raven y Darling se pierden en el pais de las maravillas y encuentra la armadura del caballero blanco el anterior caballero blanco pone a prueba a Darling . termina ganando la armadura así creando el dúo de hermanos el caballero oscuro y el caballero blanco ( la gente de verdad piensan que son hermanos por su comportamiento tan amigable entre ellos algunas chicas los shipean con un ship medio raro que tienen ) creando el mejor dúo de caballeros el cual estaban llenos de misterios ¿su rostros? . Darling es obviamente menos ágil que Raven pero casi igual de eficaz , tiene una desventaja al  no tener magia igual que Raven las cosas le cuesta mas.

Raven Queen

Valiente como su padre con el papel de ser la sucesora del caballero oscuro y cambiar su destino al de un caballero valiente que salva alas princesas ,su magia la cual solo usa en caso de emergencia ya que antes usaba su magia para mejorar su físico pero empezó a desarrollar músculos naturalmente (músculos tipo korra) al ejerció, usa hechizo de ilusión para ocultar su musculoso cuerpo ya que no es un cuerpo de una princesa, tienes cicatrices que se hizo en sus entrenamientos y en algunas peleas (secretas que nunca le dijo a su padre como se hizo estas heridas) , son cubiertas por su hechizo de ilusión , secretamente va ala clase de príncipes (esa clases donde van  a aprender como salvar a una damisela en apuros) con la armadura de su padre para que no la descubran se proclamo como el hijo del caballero oscuro en parte no es totalmente mentira aun que ella realmente no es un chico ella odia que la llamen con sinónimos masculino pero lo soporta ya que no pueden descubrí su identidad, odia las clases de mal (donde aprende a ser malo) que tiene prefiere las clases de los héroes y príncipes la única persona que sabe que es el caballero oscuro son los narradora, Darling Charming y su padre cuando entro en Ever After High comenzó a escuchar a los narradores por alguna razón que no conoce (Madeline no los puede escuchar) le tiene un miedo terrible a su madre , su magia le da una ventaja enorme ante todos, puede usar su magia para tener fuerza sobre humana y mejores reflejos y ataques mas fuerte , su toque mágico es que puede mejorar su cuerpo y combinarlo con el uso de espada y magia .

Desde ahí todo es igual solo que existe el caballero oscuro y no existe (AUN) el caballero blanco pero si el caballero rojo pero el no aparece ya que no es importante ( si existe el caballero blanco pero mas adelante ) .

La reina malvada aquí escapo hace algunos años antes que empezara la serie , ella quiere destruir Ever After High como algún tipo de gusto retorcido por molestar a blanca nieves y poner terror, mientras intenta volver a destruir el pais de las maravillas, ella no puede ver a su hija como en el original por no estar mas atrapada en el espejo, se desconoce la persona que la libero .

todo es igual solo estos cambios Darling y Raven el dúo de caballeros y Madeline no escucha a los narradores, la reina malvada esta libre .

Estuve como dos dias para escribir todo esto bueno hasta la proxima.

[green-blue-heller]

Look What You Made Me Do (Cockles FanFic)

Title: Look What You Made Me Do

Pairing: Cockles (Jensen x Misha)

Fandom: Supernatural RPF

Rating: GA

A/N: Part of my 500 follower celebration. This was based off a prompt by @dolphindiluna.

If you want to send me a prompt based on the theme, coming out, check out my pinned post.

Words: 2729

Read on AO3

Jensen stood on the stage, Robbie and the boys of Louden Swain behind him, music pumping into his earbuds as he smiled at the roaring crowd. A wave of panic filled him as the opening notes of his intro music sent the crowd into a frenzy, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

In the back of his mind, there was a voice screaming at him to turn around and leave the stage as quickly as he could. That would be the smart thing to do. Especially since his stunt was about to lead to career suicide.

But as he glanced to his right, he caught sight of Misha and the smile on the other man’s face took his breath away. With a shy smile, he looked down at his feet for a moment.

You can do this, Jackles.

It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision that brought him up on stage during the con’s Saturday Night Special.

It started out as something he wanted to do for Misha. Which was totally the wrong reason to want to do this. But he’d had such a hard time after the show ended.

Truthfully, he’d been having a hard time the last couple of years, and Jensen knew he hadn’t made things easier. Misha had never shied away from his sexuality, while Jensen had still very much been in the closet except for a few close friends.

But the whole Destiel thing had been like watching a trainwreck you just couldn’t look away from. The network and studio handled things badly and forced Misha to take the brunt of it, even though it wasn’t anywhere near the scope of his responsibility.

But he did it.

And Jensen hated it.

There had been a few bigwigs in charge who hadn't known but highly suspected that Jensen and Misha had been an item. It wasn’t like they really hid it on set, but they didn’t flaunt it either.

Misha called their remarks whenever they were on set or at a con, a microaggression.

Jensen took his word for it, as he really had no clue, other than that Misha meant it was homophobic, even if they didn’t seem to be on the surface.

So, he wanted to do something for Misha. To show him that he was loved and appreciated. And that he was committed to him, even with the show being over.

Misha and Danneel were his forever. And he never wanted either of them to forget it.

He had spent long hours over the last couple of weeks leading up to Vegas Con, talking it out with not just Misha, but with Danneel and even Vicki. They, along with the kids, were his life. And he would never make a rash decision, especially a possibly life-altering one, without consulting them first.

But they understood what he wanted. And what it could mean for all of them.

And they were all ready to stand by his side, no matter what he chose.

So, two months after he first got that cursed idea, he found himself on stage, in Vegas for the first time since the show wrapped up.

What a clusterfuck that had been. He knew it was bad as soon as it had been pitched. There were too many ways that things could go wrong by the time they got to the finale. And boy, did they ever go wrong.

Not that he was against Dean and Cas ending up together.

Jensen snuck another peek at Misha and smiled to himself. No, he definitely did not mind Dean and Cas ending up together. They deserved to be as happy as he and Misha.

The only problem was that, as he suspected, by the time push came to shove, no one was able to pull the trigger.

They’d cocked the gun and pointed it, had Cas confess, but then the execs at the studio were on edge over the dailies they’d been sent. With a global pandemic knocking on their door, they were afraid to go with anything but sticking to the status quo.

Except the show had been anything but status quo for quite some time. They were just too slow to realize.

He knew some of it was personal bias but that most of it was business. Though they managed to screw up even that.

But he was at the con, and he was going to do what he could. For everyone involved who deserved some vindication. They deserved to know they weren’t crazy.

Jensen took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd and gave them the most charming Dean Winchester smile he could manage.

And it sent them wild.

“Hey, guys!” When the crowd cheered their own greeting back at him, Jensen grinned.

With another deep breath, he steeled his nerves and mentally nudged himself forward. This had been his idea, and he still knew and agreed that it was the best idea, but that didn’t make him any less nervous.

Especially since he knew he was about to piss off the studio execs who were footing a large portion of the bill for his and Danneel’s production company.

He was almost certain he could kiss that goodbye.

“Look, I know there has been a lot of discourse since the show ended, and even more questions. I wish I could give you all the answers you’re looking for, but I hope that tonight, we can clear some things up.”

He knew it wasn’t a lot, but he wanted to be able to give the fans as much as he could, as much as he was comfortable with.

“Wow,” he said with a chuckle. “I haven’t been this nervous up on stage in a long time.”

He grinned at Rob as the music morphed and the opening bars to a Taylor Swift song kicked into his ears.

Part of him felt stupid. This was a stupid song for him to sing. But it was fitting.

He didn’t like to be backed into a corner, nor did he like his loved ones to be put into uncomfortable positions. And that had happened with most of them since their twelve-to-fifteen-year tenure on Supernatural ended.

Jensen knew he made a lot of mistakes in the last decade, and tonight he planned on correcting some of them.

A cleansing breath went through his lungs as he caught sight of Misha again, who flashed him a grin and a thumbs up.

He could do it.

He needed to do it.

Misha deserved it.

Jensen deserved it.

Their wives deserved it.

He opened his mouth and as soon as he started to croon out the first line, his voice low and smooth like a fine whiskey, the fans erupted into such a frenzy. Jensen thought might never stop grinning.

“I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you made me play of the fool

No, I don't like you

I don't like your perfect crime

How you laugh when you lie

You said the gun was mine

Isn't cool, no, I don't like you”

As Jensen finished the first verse of the song, he felt his confidence grow. He’d practiced - a lot. He knew what he was doing and he trusted the band to be there for him and back him up as they’d rehearsed.

They’d smoothed out some of the music, made it more fitting to his vocal style, and the crowd erupted as the music morphed into what was more likely to resemble a 90’s rock ballad than a Taylor Swift song.

In the back of his mind, he thought it was a little sacrilege, but he’d never admit it out loud.

“But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do”

Jensen soon found himself bopping his head along with the crowd.

With a grin, he turned and strode over to Rob, who shook his head with a hearty laugh.

“I don't like your kingdom keys

They once belonged to me

You asked me for a place to sleep

Locked me out and threw a feast (what?)”

This was it.

His moment.

Their moment.

Jensen is no longer looking at the crowd. He’s all but forgotten there is even anyone else there as he continues to sing without even thinking about it.

How could he think, when he found himself lost in the perfect storm of those blue eyes that stared back into his green ones?

He moved with purpose as he marched across the stage.

“The world moves on, another day another drama, drama

But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma

And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure

Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours”

And in one swift motion, he pulled Misha, who had taken his outstretched hand, and pulled him out on the stage and Rob picked up the vocals and sang the chorus.

They had taken a few steps back when they let go and Jensen’s hand reached up to cup Misha’s face while his left hand, which still had his microphone, snaked its way under his boyfriend’s arm and wrapped around his back.

Jensen gently pulled Misha against him, who complied, putting both his hands on Jensen’s hips as their lips met and lazily molded together.

They fit perfectly.

Kissing Misha wasn’t even something Jensen had to think about, it just came as naturally as kissing Danneel.

He was sure the crowd was going crazy, but all he could hear was the whimper he elicited from his boyfriend as their lips parted and Jensen’s tongue caressed Misha’s.

“But I got smarter

I got harder in the nick of time (nick of time)

Honey, I rose up from the dead

I do it all the time (I do it all the time)

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!”

Jensen pulled away, hand sliding down to Misha’s shoulder, breathless as always when Misha is near.

“I love you, babe,” Jensen whispered as he looked into Misha’s shining eyes that threatened to spill tears. Because even though he knew what Jensen was planning, it was real, at that moment, and Jensen could see that it was hitting Misha harder than he could have imagined.

His heart swelled as he moved his hand from cupping Misha’s shoulder to wrap around the back of his neck and pull him into a hug.

As he turned their bodies to face toward the crowd, Jensen smiled, his own teary eyes taking in the crowd that had gone wild, and dropped a soft kiss onto the top of Misha’s head.

With a grin, he stepped back and glanced over his shoulder to see Rob grinning at him. He threw the other man a wink as he gave a nod of appreciation for all his support and love not only given to him, but to Misha.

As he turned his gaze back to the crowd, a wicked grin spread across his face as he tilted his head at Misha, who was still securely snuggled into his side, and brought the microphone back to his mouth.

“Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do”

Jensen couldn’t help but chuckle into the microphone as he caught Misha’s eye roll. Of course, the older man thought he was being over the top and more protective than he needed to be. But he also knew how much it meant to him.

The look in his eyes, at the unshed tears and the smile that went on for miles, was all Jensen needed at that moment.

He knew he made the right decision. His family was more important than some job. There were plenty of things he could do besides acting or having a production company, if it actually came to that.

There was the Family Business Beer Company, there was Radio Company, not to mention the profits they turned from renovating houses and flipping them. And it wasn’t like the studio or network could now retroactively go back and undo the contract he already had for residuals from the show.

Jensen tried to swoop in and steal a kiss, but Misha let out a shy laugh and playfully pushed his face away as he gave one of his patented not-so-subtle winks. He immediately found himself letting out a chuckle as he let his arm fall from Misha’s shoulder and took a step forward, really paying attention to the crowd for the first time.

They were on their feet still, and going wild. All the bright lights from the cameras snapping pictures was a little much, especially since there wasn’t supposed to be flash photography, but he couldn’t find it in him to complain about anything at the moment.

As the bridge was about to kick in, he motioned with his hand for the crowd to join him.

“I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams”

He was grinning like a loon as he dropped his arm to his side, but he really didn’t care. Especially as he made his way back over to Misha and slid his hand home within Misha’s. They were a perfect fit.

“(Ooh, look what you made me do)

(Look what you made me do)

(Look what you just made me do)

I'm sorry

But the old Jensen can't come to the phone right now

Why? Oh, 'cause he's dead (oh)”

He knew he’d get in trouble for it later, but with a dramatic flourish, Jensen held his arm out in front of him and let the mic fall to the stage.

What were they going to do? Fire him?

As Jensen stared into the endless pools of Misha’s blue eyes, he didn’t really care what they did anymore.

He was going to do what he wanted, what felt right . And not let anyone else tell him differently.

And at that moment, all he wanted to do was kiss Misha.

His movement caught the other man by surprise, as he reached over and put one hand behind his back, and one behind his head, and gave him a slight dip before he leaned down and claimed his lips.

When they came up for air, they didn’t even realize there was anyone else in the room. They only had eyes for each other as they reached for each other at the same time, took each other’s hand, and walked off the stage as Rob and the band finished out the song.

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

If you want to be added or taken off my tag list, please let me know either in the comments or via a DM.

@dolphindiluna @kristina710

[just-char]

5. Can I request Percy's POV for the opening scene in Chapter 2 of Homeward, where Ramsey has dinner with Percy and Molly? Or would doing so spoil the dramatic effect of later on? The scene is so well-written I feel the other POV isn't needed to understand what's going on, but it would be fun to read nonetheless. :)

Good evening. A fantastic request! I am a very slow writer, but here is the scene in full in Percy's POV. You will notice it is nearly twice as long due to the wordy and rambling nature of Percy's existence (and hence, one of the reasons Homeward is from Ramsey's point of view) and also that it is very much unedited. It was fun to explore the conversation Percy has on the phone with her mother (during which I believe you will cringe several times at both of their lack of tact and general ineptness. ) It is sort of not canon as the phone call lasts a little bit longer than it does in the actual story, but I love Liz and Arthur too much to not have fun with them when I can. Story: Homeward Word Count: 4,045

Ramsey, Percy had noticed, was over for dinner more often recently. She did not mind this. Quite the opposite. She often struggled with portion sizes when cooking now that she had to cook for more than one person (somehow, simply doubling the amount she used to make never worked out like it mathematically should have) and there was always enough to feed him. He also made for good company for Molly, who Percy suspected, despite how quiet she could be around others, loved having him over for the noise and excitement he brought to the usually quiet apartment. It was important for her to have good adult role models, and the imperfect Ramsey who was trying to make up for his difficult past was, in her opinion, a much better fit than the rambunctious Giovanni, whose moral code was vague at best and dangerous at worst. Also, admittedly, she simply liked him around, which was probably reason enough. So, no, she most certainly didn’t mind that he came over more often and would stay for dinner. It was something friends did, she was sure. Well, she was almost sure.

Today, he especially had a good reason to come over. Molly’s bedroom had been irking her lately. Percy was perfectly capable of painting walls– in fact, she was excellent at painting walls– but she was not an artist, and it was a strict difference. Although she could quite easily and quite neatly paint a green coat, or even perhaps some sort of dual coloured coat, given the proper masking tape, she could not paint bears. Molly’s old bedroom, she had noticed the only time she’d been in it, had bears on the wall. Teddy bears, specifically. And given that Molly was nearing adolescence, Percy wanted to take full advantage of the age where she would still enjoy such frivolous things and recreate them. Ramsey was also very idle, she found. When he was not working, he was drawing or sleeping from what she could gather (the latter much more so than the former) and it seemed to be putting a ‘dampener’ on his mood. Paying him to paint Molly’s bedroom (with her assistance, of course) seemed like a good way to kill two birds with one stone. Not that she would ever hurt a bird, of course. Well, not unless it was a dangerous individual that had to be taken care of. Perhaps she wouldn’t think about it anymore.

The spaghetti was a little salty. She hoped neither of them minded. It sort of reminded her of buttered noodles, which she mostly knew as a childhood treat (emphasis on treat, they were certainly not good for her) and as such she didn’t dislike the taste, but still. “Thanks again for painting my room, Mr Murdoch.” As Percy scrutinized her plate, Molly had taken to thanking Ramsey for his work. She was a very polite young girl. Very admirable. It was incredible how well-raised she was, all things considered, but Percy thought that simply spoke to how wonderful Molly was, and was not reflective of anything her father did for her.

Ramsey waved her gratitude off humbly. “Eh, it wasn’t nothing. S’nice to get out of the old apartment anyway.”

Percy chose to ignore his double negative. It was confusing, but he did it a lot and she’d managed to get used to it. She did not understand why he found it difficult to accept thanks, however. She quickly patted her mouth with her napkin (dinner etiquette was very important) so she could show her shared appreciation. “Whether it was nothing or not, we appreciate your effort.” Of course, she knew it probably was nothing to him. After all, he was an artist of very high caliber. But that didn’t change the fact he had put time and energy into doing it.

Instead of accepting her thanks, once more Ramsey chose to deflect, pointing his fork at her. “You’re just sayin’ that ‘cause you couldn’t do it yourself.” Before Percy could debate this, however, Ramsey decided to go for two blows. He leaned in towards Molly, “Percy can’t draw for snacks,” and Molly found this funny enough. Percy watched them with interest, and then they turned and watched her with interest. Ah. Right. She was supposed to respond to that with something equally clever yet jocund, as was expected. “It’s true, I am no artist. However, I am also not a con-artist.” She didn’t quite understand what was so funny about two people mocking each other repeatedly, but Molly seemed to find it humorous and it was all very lighthearted so she decidedly went along with it (though she found her own wit was much better suited for one-line statements than battles of insults.)

Molly gasped and covered her mouth. Presumably, this was jokingly. Percy doubted what she said was all that bad. “She’s got you there, Mr Murdoch. Are you just gonna take that?”

Ramsey seemed pleased with himself. “Oh, was that supposed to be a burn?” He took a moment to think, “Heh, well, I may be a criminal, but at least I’m not a nerd.” Molly made noises with her mouth that Percy couldn’t quite decipher as she frowned. She never quite understood the word as an insult, after all, “There is nothing laughable about being well-educated.”

Ramsey apparently took her defensive statement as his victory. “Oh, I see,” he said casually, “So you can give it, but ya can’t take it, huh?”

“I can take you back to prison, Ramsey,” Percy blurted out. Oh. She had not even thought about it before saying it. Ramsey seemed equally surprised, coughing on the spaghetti in his mouth as Molly laughed. Admittedly, it felt good to be in on the joke. She smiled at him to clarify no ill will and he looked bashfully back down at his plate. She took it that this meant she had won, for once. Excellent.

Suddenly, Ramsey recovered from his defeat and looked up. “You excited to go to Marchpoint for Christmas, Molly?”

Molly beamed. “Sure! Marchpoint is really pretty, and Percy’s parents are really nice.” It was reassuring to know that Molly truly did enjoy visiting them– her parents had… overwhelming and very different reactions to the prospect of her adopting a child, and for a little bit Percy was very worried that they would make Molly uncomfortable, or perhaps regardless Molly simply wouldn’t like them. Alas, it worked out the complete opposite. Percy hesitated to use the word ‘obsessed’, but her parents were most certainly passionate in their approach to Molly in a way she wasn’t expecting. Well, her father she should have expected, but her mother? It really did go to show how the people you love can always surprise you.

Ramsey, meanwhile, seemed content to speculate about her hometown’s nature. “Heh, sounds like one a those little fancy holiday towns.” Admittedly, he was not entirely wrong. He had good sense about those kinds of things, Percy supposed. “Marchpoint,” he repeated, scratching his goatee. Very idly, Percy wondered what it felt like.

“It’s pretty fancy! Percy’s parents live in one of those big country homes with a porch and huge backyard, and all the little town shops look like they’re from the sixties. It’s so much quieter than the city.” She could not grow a beard herself, but she remembered how her father’s felt whenever he shaved it. Textured, bristly. Ramsey’s face fell. “What’d I do? I got something on me?” He looked down at his shirt to check. Hm. Apparently, she had been staring. And also not listening, as she couldn’t seem to remember what it was they had been talking about. She decidedly corrected both of those ‘faux pas’s.

“My apologies. I was…” She did not want him to feel self-conscious, “... lost in thought. What were we speaking about?”

Ramsey smiled at her cheekily. “Talkin’ about your fancy pants hometown, Sparky.”

“Ah, yes.” How could she have forgotten? “Marchpoint certainly has its charms. However, I prefer to be in the city where I am needed.” She frowned, thinking about just how useless she’d be somewhere so quiet. “Indeed, such a sleepy town has no need for my unforgiving sense of justice.”

Molly lifted some spaghetti in her fork. “It’s nice for the holidays though!”

“Justice doesn’t take holidays,” Percy reminded her seriously.

“Alright, Judge Judy, let’s not bring work to the table,” Ramsey scolded her. Percy wasn’t quite sure who Judge Judy was, but she had to admit he was right. She went back to eating her spaghetti.

Molly looked at him. “What’re you doing for the holidays, Mr Murdoch?”

Ramsey, from what Percy could tell, was not expecting to be asked this question. Percy realized she wasn’t sure what he was doing herself. “Me? Uh, nothin’, kid.” Had she never asked him? Ah. Shoot. She hadn’t. She’d try to remember to do that next year. “My family’s too far away and small to bother visiting every year. I like to keep it to myself.” Percy couldn’t pretend she wouldn’t do the same if Marchpoint was further away, but it surprised her that Ramsey, given his sensitive nature, would feel similarly.

“How practical!”

Molly did not seem as pleased with this as she was. “That’s sad, Mr Murdoch. Don’t you want to be around people during the holidays?”

Hm. Molly offered an interesting point. Ramsey was prone to bouts of loneliness. She watched him carefully as he attempted to shrug off the question. “Nah, I’m good. Not too into heavily commercialised stuff. Just another day off to me.” Percy was always the best with conversations but she was certainly familiar with interrogations and she liked to think she knew a lie when she saw one. Such a lackadaisy approach to such an important time seemed so unlike him.

“While I usually like to respect the wishes of others, I would not like to think of you spending this time alone, Ramsey. The holidays are a chance to reconnect and spend time with the people you love and care about. They are not, as you say, just ‘another day off.’”

Ramsey frowned at her, but Molly spoke first. “You should come with us to Marchpoint! I’m sure no one would mind.” Hm. Huh. Percy blinked. And then she blinked again, because for some reason the first blink hadn’t cleared her mind. She could feel her eyebrows furrowing as her brain went over the statement. Ramsey. At her family home. Staying with them. For the holidays. In Marchpoint. With her parents. She couldn’t even picture it. Molly’s quiet voice broke her out of her stupor. “Uhm, would that be okay, Percy?”

Percy gave blinking one last try to see if it would work. She’d have to give an answer– that was how questions worked. One person asks a question and the other answers, unless the question is rhetorical or sarcastic, something that was clarified by tone indicators. Molly’s question was neither, so she had to answer it. Would it be okay? Well, she’d have to ask her mother. Yes. That was the answer. She’d have to ask. “I’d have to call Mother,” she said, and then quickly to reassure them both, “But I don’t see why not.” Smile. Yes. That was a good idea– smiling made people more comfortable. She was nailing this.

Ramsey seemed upset. She was not nailing this. “Look, I don’t wanna be burdenin’ a buncha strangers all out of pity–” Well, that was simply ridiculous. “Ramsey,” she interrupted him, “would you like to come?” She waited expectantly.

He stared back at her. “I guess. I mean, if the food’s free.” A jest, she assumed, based on the wink. “But I don’t wanna come if I’m just gonna be in the way is all.” Hm. Well, she wouldn’t force him if he believed he would be out of place.

“I understand, Mr Murdoch,” Molly reassured him quietly, “I just thought it’d be nice to have another person I’m really comfortable around going to meet so many new people… But if you don’t want to, it’s okay.” She smiled at him. Hm. Percy hadn’t even thought about that. Molly was quite shy, and while her family wasn’t large by any means, they were quite loud, even for Percy sometimes.

Ramsey put both of his hands up as though he was showing he had no weapons. “Alright, alright! I’ll come if I’m able, just stop lookin’ at me with those big ole puppy dog eyes. Geez, I can’t stand it.” Oh, that was good. Ack, but it was so soon– she’d call her mother now, just in case. Her mother wasn’t fond of late changes to plans. Percy pulled her phone out of her pocket. If only they’d come up with this last week.

“Excuse me,” she said as she stood up, not wishing to neglect her table manners. The phone stopped ringing and her mother’s voice replaced the sound.

“Hello?”

“Hello, mother.” Percy looked over to the door to the hall. Perhaps this was a conversation best had in private.

“Hello, Percival.” Her mother paused. “Lovely evening.”

As Percy made her way to the hall she glanced out the window. The sky was clear. “Why, yes, it is a lovely evening.” There was a small pause as Percy closed the door behind her and walked to her bedroom. She didn’t particularly like phone calls. Well, she didn’t hate them, but she most certainly found them more difficult than a simple face-to-face conversation or a quick text.

“Why are you calling during dinner?” her mother asked gruffy.

Oh, had she been waiting for her to speak? See, if they had been face-to-face, that would have been more obvious. “Ah, yes. About Molly and I staying over–”

“What, you’re not coming anymore?”

Percy glanced at the phone in surprise. “What?”

“Is that Percy? Is she not coming?” she heard her father say in the background. Oh, dear.

“Arthur, I’m on the phone,” her mother snapped at him.

Her father did not seem to notice. “If it’s Percy, tell her I said hello, and that I’d be very disappointed if she and Molly weren’t coming up!” “Yeah, yeah.” There was a sigh. “He says hello. And that you better be coming up. ”

Percy nodded as though they could see her. “We’re still coming.” “They’re still coming, Arthur,” It sounded as though her mother had covered the mic, and then like she had taken her hand off of it again. “Okay, so then, what are you calling for?”

Percy idly placed her hand on the cool frame of her bed. “It’s just, well, I have this friend–” “You do?” She sounded surprised. Had Percy never mentioned Ramsey to her before?

“Yes.” No, she hadn’t, she realised. Odd.

“Alright, well, what about this friend?”

“He–”

“He doesn’t need money, does he?”

“What? Uhm, no, mother. He doesn’t need…” Percy paused, “Well, I don’t believe he needs money. I suppose he could.” It was certainly possible. Ramsey had obviously gotten in with bad crowds before and old habits did not die easy. It was entirely in the realm of plausibility that he had gone out and gotten into money trouble– or, alternatively, an old mistake had come back to haunt him despite his current good nature.

“Well, did he ask you for money?”

“Hm?” She’d almost forgotten she was on the phone. “Oh, no. No, he didn’t.”

“Good. None of your business then.” Ah, her mother was correct. It was rude of her to speculate like that.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“... Percival.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you calling me.”

“Oh, right.” She almost forgot what she’d called about. Her mother had that effect on people. “Yes. Well, this friend–” “Oh! Ask her if it’s Ramsey.” Ah. Her father again.

Her mother sounded mostly confused, and a little irritated. “Who?”

“Ramsey! Her friend, is it Ramsey?” Percy found herself rubbing the frame. Smooth, glossy wood. It felt nice.

“For god’s sake– Percival, your father wants to know if it’s... Ramsey.”

“Ah, tell him yes, it is.” “It is.” The mic muffled again. “Oh! Is he alright?” “Arthur, getting this conversation to end is like trying to get blood out of a rock and you’re making it harder–” “Alright, alright! Don’t raise your voice, Liz.” Her mother audibly groaned. “Did you at least tell her I said hello?” “I already told her! Just be quiet and eat your roast beef, you big lug.” A pause. “Are you still there Percival?” “Yes.”

“Alright. Tell you what, because my dinner is getting cold and this phone call is driving me to the edge. You have three sentences to tell me what’s wrong or I’m hanging up. Go.”

“Oh, er. Well–” “That was one. You have two now.”

Shoot. Percy took a moment to think about the clearest and most direct two sentences possible. “My friend Ramsey has nowhere to go for the holidays,” she said slowly, “Could he stay with us?”

“Oh, is that it?” Percy wasn’t the best judge of tone but her mother almost sounded disappointed. There was another pause, slightly longer than any of the ones before, as though she was taking this information in. “Hm,” she said finally, “He from the streets?” Percy thought of Ramsey’s little apartment. “No.” “He dangerous? Violent? Crazy?” “No.” Ramsey wasn’t any of those things even when he was a criminal. She’d begin to make her way back to the kitchen, given that the conversation was nearing it’s close.

“Drat. Well, whatever. Sure, sure. He can come.”

Percy opened the door to the hall and closed it behind her. “Thank you,” she said quickly.

“Yeah, yeah, well. I’m not a fiend, Percival. Besides, house won’t be full anyway. You know your uncle isn’t coming up this year, don’t you?” She walked into the kitchen, where Ramsey and Molly still sat at the table.

“Yes. I know.”

“Funny, isn’t it? Son finally decides to come home and then it’s all about staying local after coming up the twenty-five years– s’not like we don’t have room for his brat either. That uncle of yours is a strange man.”

“Indeed.”

“Anyway. Get lost so I can eat.” There was a slight pause. “Love ya.” Percy smiled pleasantly. “Goodbye.”

The phone clicked. Her mother had hung up. She glanced up to her company (she hadn’t realized it, but apparently she had been staring at the floor the whole time) and they stared back at her eagerly.

Molly leaned forward. “What’d she say?” Their plates were empty– they must’ve finished eating.

Percy hummed, trying to replay the conversation. “Well, first she said ‘Hello.’ Then, ‘It’s a lovely evening.’ Then, ‘Why are you calling during dinner?’ Then–”

“I think she meant, what’s the verdict, chief?” Ramsey said quickly. He looked very pink. “Er, am I coming or going?”

Ah, there he went again with his nonsensical word choice. Percy rubbed her chin. “Both options you’ve given me suggest you are allowed. Which do I pick if you’re not?”

Molly groaned. “Percy...”

“My apologies.” Perhaps she was poking too much fun. “You may come, Ramsey.” He seemed appropriately relieved.

“Yes!” Molly exclaimed, and then, in a fit of excitement that was completely unexpected, jumped up to embrace her. Percy could not hide her surprise as her small arms squeezed her. Still, she smiled, wrapping one arm around her ward and using the other to give her a small pat on the head. “Thanks Percy.” The sound rippled through her shirt. It felt very nice.

“Of course.” Hm. What time was it? Molly always did her homework at eight. Percy glanced at the clock on the wall. “Do you have homework to do?”

“Ack!” Molly suddenly let go and raced to her room. Percy watched her go. She was a very kind child. It was lovely how much she cared for Ramsey. It only just occurred to her that perhaps Molly was not entirely selfish in her want for him to be there. Percy just felt privileged to know her, sometimes. It felt silly, given Molly’s age, but it was true.

Speaking of Ramsey, he stood up from the table and Percy looked over to him. “Yeah, uh, thanks, Perc’,” he said softly, “You really didn’t have to.”

Percy smiled at him. He was very sweet for a reformed criminal. She could appreciate that this was probably very difficult for him. Ah, she should reassure him of his use. “I think your presence will be good for her. It can be quite overwhelming meeting new people, especially for children.”

He simply shrugged. “Eh, maybe.” He glanced towards the door to the hall and back at her. “I guess I’d better get going.”

It was always a shame to see him go, but he had his own business to get to. Expecting him to stay forever would be selfish and immature, and Percy was neither of these things when she could fight it. “Of course. Thank you for joining us, Ramsey. It’s always a pleasure.” She started collecting the plates from dinner. She’d wash them now. She didn’t like leaving dishes in the sink.

Ramsey did not leave. Instead, he took the plates from her hands and grinned at her. “Heh, yeah, well, that’s me. I’m pretty great company,” he said as he brought them to the sink. He smirked then, putting a finger to his cheek. “And I’m pretty too.”

While he did that, she made her way to the drawer to get her rubber gloves. Her aunt always said washing dishes without them made your hands dry, though, if Percy were being honest, she never really thought about why she wore them. Habit.

“Very,” she said to entertain him. “Thank you very much for your assistance.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty?” Percy blinked and looked over at him. He wiggled his eyebrows (provocatively?) Hm.

She looked away, clearing her throat and pulling on her gloves. “How is the apartment treating you, Ramsey?” She turned the tap to run the warm water. As Ramsey spoke, she grabbed the washing up liquid.

He was leaning against the counter. “Fine. Kinda small.” He shrugged at her. “I like the TV. Free cable.”

Percy smiled, procuring a sponge from a dish beside the sink. “I’m glad it’s to your liking. Perhaps if you keep working hard, you will be able to move somewhere bigger.” She started cleaning the dishes. Pasta luckily did not stain, and it did not take long to clean three plates. When she got to the last one, she glanced over at him again. He was… still not leaving. How did she approach that? On one hand, she didn’t want him to feel like he had to leave, because he did not. On the other, she couldn’t simply say nothing, either. After all, he’d said he was leaving. Perhaps he wanted to talk to her about something? She rinsed the plate off and stuck it in the drying rack with the others. Ramsey glanced at her and she cleared her throat. “Well,” she started, “There is no point prolonging the inevitable.”

He pushed off the counter. “Yeah. Thanks again for dinner, and, uh,” he coughed, “Bringing me along for the holidays.” Percy smiled at him.

“Goodbye, Ramsey. Until tomorrow.” She turned back to the sink and began taking off her gloves, but he didn’t leave. Should she say something? Maybe he truly wasn’t alright. “Are you not leaving?” Ah, now that she said it, perhaps that was a little blunt.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. I was just, uh..." he looked at her desperately but she did not know what to say. "Right, uh, seeya.” He gave her a little wave and she returned it, but as he left Percy couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for her lacking approach. She should’ve asked if he was okay, maybe even if he wanted to stay a little longer, talk about something. She knew he didn’t particularly like being alone– perhaps going home was hard for him? Ah. Friendship was difficult and unfamiliar territory. She knew he wasn’t doing as well as he could’ve been, but she didn’t want to freak him out by pushing him too hard.

Well. One thing at a time.

[prompt-master]

Shuichi doesn’t have flaws, he gets over his shitty self esteem the moment you shill and praise him. His backstory and legacy a Gary Stu development. He solves one case with luck and gets his talent handed to him on silver platter. If it’s fake, then why should a tv company and audience listen to a brat that willingly signed up to the show in the first place? It makes Shuichi sound arrogant. Also everyone loves Shuichi, even Miu, Tenko and Kokichi want him. So yeah he is perfect. (Con)

(Con) Shuichi’s arc isn’t different either, he took Komaru’s “believe in yourself”, beloved by everyone like Makoto, but less and has Hajime’s pessimism. Also the difference between Kaede and Makoto. Kaede would be willing to vote Junko to her death, while Makoto would want Tsumugi alive. Kaede has her gray morals and people call her out on her behavior. At least until her death where Kodaka stops seeing her as a person, but Shuichi’s dead waifu and has no impact on anyone. (Con)

(Con) Besides if Shuichi and Kaede were the opposite gender. People call Fem Shuichi a Mary Sue, because they love ripping apart female characters. Then again if they were the opposite gender, Kodaka would kill Fem Shuichi, because “she’s too smart” for the killing game and give male Kaede a compelling character arc, because he views female characters as disposable. That’s he what sees them as.

--------------------------------------------------------

I think i’m gonna have to use bullets for this cuz there's a lot to talk about here.

1. I think you might have misunderstood what I meant when I said that Akamatsu is the “perfect protag” and Saihara is not. I did not mean that Akamatsu has no flaws (she def does, one even got her killed), I meant that she suits the role of a danganronpa protagonist almost perfectly.  She's not a perfect person or even a perfect character, but being the protagonist works for her.

2. I don’t think calling Saihara a gary stu is really a valid argument because in all honestly I could call all the protags that. I could call Akamatsu a mary sue if I wished and I’m sure some people would agree. It’s too broad a definition and a mary sue archetype does not mean they are a bad character.  Everyone's definition of Mary Sue is different, so it's impossible to know what any given person MEANS by it, the colloquial term encompasses everything from physical warping of the universe to fit them in such a way the character is unaware that it's happening- to just a character that could be considered a little bit over powered or "lacking the flaws necessary to have that much power.

3. I can understand why would see Saihara as a bad protagonist or at least a boring one. I think that there’s a lot of conflict in the writing and Saihara’s character development. It goes back and forth a lot (usually in and out of trials and such) on his confidence. One second he’s doing fine in trial, the next he’s in his bed with suicidal thoughts. Saihara himself doesn’t even want to be a protag, let alone a detective, but the game requires him to be an active participant which means his arc comes off really weak. I personally think that Saihara got confident too fast! He needed a slower build up, but the danganronpa formula does not allow for that. Because like I said Saihara is not SUITED to be a protagonist. 

4. You say that Saihara has no flaws but then I think you listed some flaws! Saihara has major attachment issues, he gets attached to people really quickly. Akamatsu and Momota are the big obvious examples of this. Like I mentioned Saihara also has depression, anxiety, he still has self esteem issues afterwards (it just feels weird because of the games in and out perspective on it). Saihara is a good character with a good arc who was done injustice by the gameplay. It makes his character and his arc seem weak. 

5. I don’t think the “female saihara” argument really has much to do with this topic. Again it just kinda sounds like you hate Saihara and wish Akamatsu was the protag (again, this is likely because Akamatsu is the “perfect protag” but Saihara is not designed in a way that the protag role can lend well to him)

6. I agree that Akamatsu would send Enoshima to her death. But that doesn’t neglect my point at all. I had said that should Akamatsu stay the protagonist she would not end the full game cycle and would just end this particular game. Saihara’s goal was not “kill the mastermind” his goal was “screw this game. This is bs. No more participating” which lends to ending the cycle ITSELF. I think the way they showed this (the whole yelling at people to log off) was weak and illogical, but his goal is still vastly different.

7. You say that Saihara is an arrogant brat for wanting to end the game when he signed up for it but...then wouldn’t everyone be an arrogant brat? Akamatsu and Amami had ending the game be their very first goal. Ouma also worked to end the game. Everyone wanted it to end despite signing up for it. There’s also the fact that this doesn’t really matter when they don’t HAVE the memories of signing up. Even when shown he did, why should Saihara CARE? He’s a different person with different memories now. And don’t forget about Gonta. 

8. I don’t think Hinata is a pessimist. He seems to be a strong realist. Even in chapter 6 when he is depressed, he still seems to hold a rather realist perspective. The protags mentality follow the themes of the game. THH is optimistic like Naegi, SDR2 is realist like Hinata, and V3 is pessimistic like Saihara. So yes, his arc IS different at its core, whether it was well written or not. There is also the fact that the protags all ease into their trauma over time (even Hinata as he doesn’t remember his until later) while Saihara has trauma from the beginning and is traumatized again and again. This itself is a different format. 

9. Everyone loving Saihara is not necessarily a GOOD thing. You see this the best in ch4, and it’s a shame they didn’t go anywhere with it. But everyone aside from Ouma becomes insanely reliant on Saihara and his talent. A talent Saihara doesn’t even WANT. Saihara is under a lot of pressure to use his talent to save everyone, and they all see this and think less for themselves as a result of it.  the characters, even momota and harukawa at times, begin to see him less and less as Saihara and more as "the ultimate detective"

10. Also you say Akamatsu’s death has no impact on anyone when I would say its a major impact on EVERYONE. I could say a lot for this, but Akamatsu’s last wish hit everyone really hard. This leaves them later more susceptible to Momota’s toxic trust system, and leaves them more willing to be overly reliant on Saihara as he was the source of her last wish. 

It’s fine to hate Saihara and just not vibe well with him! It’s fine to think he was boring and badly written! It’s fine to just...not vibe well with a character. I’m not giving you these reasons to say you have to love him, but rather why I think your reasons for doing so are a bit misguided.

[ultravioletqueen]

Tenía ganas de dibujar princesas disney y se me vino a la mente este dibujo, hay varias princesas que me gustan mucho y que son parte de mi infancia, y quise dibujar a mis personajes como princesas que a mi me gustan y que sus personalidades encajan perfectamente, quizás haya una parte dos ya que no son mis únicos personajes que identificó con alguna princesa disney.

Juliete jenkins=jane porter(tarzan)

Realmente me gusta este personaje, no sólo por su rol en la película sino también por su personalidad y talentos, jane al igual que juliete es muy creativa,intuitiva,directa, culta(y no alardea de eso), curiosa y bastante torpe,dándoles un encanto que ni tarzan ni arthur pudieron resistirse.

Rubi Álvarez=megara(hercules)

Considero a megara(junto a tiana) mi princesa favorita de disney y quise hacerle una mención,Rubi al igual que megara ha pasado por muchos problemas debido al amor, rubi al igual que megara es sarcástica,amargada, un espíritu libre(literalmente),valiente y muy capaz, algo que realmente me gusta en una princesa disney.

Frigg jenkins=pocahontas

Siempre tuve en mente a pocahontas como la princesa disney más madura y responsable de todas, algo que sin duda también tiene frigg, al igual que pocahontas frigg es una mujer sabia,astuta, muy recta y suave con los que le importan, ademas de siempre elegir a su familia por sobre todo,sin duda una mujer única(fingamos que la secuela nunca existió).

Gabe jenkins=esmeralda(el jorobado de notre dame)

"¡Pero que mujer!" eso es lo único que pienso al ver a esmeralda, que sin duda también comparte algunos rasgos con gabe,son astutos e inteligentes,empaticos, valientes, fieles, independientes y que no tienen miedo de defender lo que creen, sin duda una joyita de disney.

I wanted to draw disney princesses and this drawing came to mind, there are several princesses that I really like and that are part of my childhood, and I wanted to draw my characters as princesses that I like and that their personalities fit perfectly Perhaps there is a part two since they are not my only characters that he identified with some disney princess.

Juliete Jenkins = Jane Porter (Tarzan)

I really like this character, not only for her role in the film but also for her personality and talents, Jane like Juliete is very creative, intuitive, direct, cultured (and she doesn't brag about it), curious and quite clumsy, giving them a charm neither tarzan nor arthur could resist.

Rubi Álvarez = megara (hercules)

I consider megara (along with tiana) my favorite disney princess and I wanted to make a mention of her, Rubi like megara has gone through many problems due to love, rubi like megara is sarcastic, bitter, a free spirit (literally), Brave and very capable, something I really like in a Disney princess.

Frigg Jenkins = Pocahontas

I always had pocahontas in mind as the most mature and responsible disney princess of all, something that frigg undoubtedly also has, just like pocahontas frigg is a wise woman, cunning, very straight and soft with those who matter to her, in addition to always choose your family above all, without a doubt a unique woman(let's pretend the sequel never existed).

Gabe Jenkins = Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

"What a woman!" that is the only thing I think when I see esmeralda, who undoubtedly also shares some traits with gabe, they are cunning and intelligent, empathetic, brave, faithful, independent and they are not afraid to defend what they believe in, without a doubt a little disney gem .

[stillness-in-green]

If it's any consolation, I'm sure that the Advisors and the rest of the MLA (Re-Destro, Trumpet, Geten) will show back up sooner than the final arc, just because we're going into Year 2 and the students would find great 1 on 1 or team opponents with the Advisors. Re-Destro and Geten are heavy hitters (and Geten could be tied to Dabi, Shoto and all that somehow) and they were locked up with Mr. Compress and Machia, but who do you want to see first from the Advisors?

Thanks, anon; I certainly do hope we'll get to see more of them.  Admittedly, my main concern is that I so liked what was going on with the Paranormal Liberation Front that even if we do see all of the MLA types again, if it's only in the context of speedbump battles for the students, that's still going to be a letdown.  Better than nothing, to be sure, but I really do want them to join back up with the League, even a League that's confused and out of sorts under All For One's hand.  I love RD's big spiritual-awakening-flavored crush on Shigaraki, the cross-organization tensions and relationships, just as much as I love the depth the MLA brings to the world outside of just what's going on with the heroes.

I'm fairly frustrated with how the MLA fared during and after the raid, largely because it's awfully hard not to conclude that, if what we have right now is all the erstwhile-MLA are ever going to come to, Shigaraki would have been significantly better off if he'd just killed them all and shacked up with Ujiko for four months.  And that would be such a waste!  The end of My Villain Academia was such an enormous triumph for Shigaraki! I want his victory to amount to something more than what we've seen, something that shows that both his strength and his mercy will pay off for him in the long-term, will be a concrete benefit to him rather than, with the benefit of hindsight, the reason everything went so wrong.

Particularly with Re-Destro, since Horikoshi saw fit to have Dark Shadow all but one-shot the man, and Edgeshot defeat him off-panel, it's really not going to mean much to me for him to have a big fight with students unconnected to anything else.  The drama's rather gone out of it at this point.  That's particularly the case since, if he's no longer connected to Shigaraki's plot, it's that much easier for him to just be off-paneled and forgotten about.  But, if Rikiya gets looped back in with the League, if his gratitude and admiration of Shigaraki mean he still has a role to play in Shigaraki's arc, that makes it much easier to get invested in any fights that role will lead him to. Ditto the MLA more broadly; it's categorically ridiculous to present that organization with the kinds of numbers, breadth of influence and legitimate grievances they have, only to try to sweep them back under the rug exactly like Shigaraki accuses heroes of doing with everyone they can't save. 

To say the least, I'm pretty invested.  But I appreciate your consolations and am trying to hold out hope that we'll get some good stuff with them yet!

My anxieties aside, and to hit the other portion of your ask--who would I like to see first among the Advisors?--hit the jump:

(All nicknames and shorthand are taken from this post.) 

Well, it'd be nice if they could all get at least as much to do as the Eight Bullets back during the Hassaikai arc, seeing as they got a similar splash page spread introducing all their faces.  There are considerably more than eight of them, of course, but even if they never get more attention than e.g. Galvanize or the hose-faced guy who iced Midnight did, at least then we'd have some idea of their power sets and at least one angle on their personality.

Assuming we aren’t going to get full breakdowns on every single one of them, there are still four things I'd really like to see happen with the MLA/the Advisors: the student fights we're expecting, the jailbreaks we're being told about, the reunion with the League I'm praying for, and for literally anyone in the in-world media to try and get their side of the story.

Student Fights: Seeing the guy who killed Midnight again is as sure a bet as any of these get.  Momo is an important enough character, with enough sustained arc, that she will have to get something else to do before the series is over.  Taking command of a group battle against real opponents--ones with more responsiveness and agency than Gigantomachia--would be in-line with what she's been moving towards so far.  I would, however, love it if that fight would be more challenging than a straightforward battle of tactics.

I headcanon Hose Face and Scarecrow as, respectively, an ex-con and a dude with physical disabilities--both people who have ample reason to want to change the series' status quo irt human rights abuses in prison and overly restrictive quirk use laws.  I'm not expecting the canon to validate me on what amount to wild guesses, of course, but I want those Advisors in particular to have motivations more nuanced than, "They're quirk supremacists; who cares why they're willing to put their lives on the line over this?"

A feel-good revenge match in which a bunch of teenagers lay the smack down on characters whose humanity the audience is asked neither to know nor care about would be lazy, and counterproductive to the series' current thematic concerns. Give Momo her victory, by all means, but don't give it to her easy.  A confrontation like this would be a good way for the less central Class A students to begin wrestling with the question of who, exactly, heroes "save" and what it is that people need to be saved from, exactly the way Deku and Uraraka and Shouto are now wrestling with these questions.

As far as other fights go, I'd also love to see Brand and The Question pop up again. They're probably the two I'm most curious about purely in terms of what their quirks are.  Why does The Question wear a mask, and what's he like that he wound up in Mr. Compress's chain of command?  And with Brand, what kind of quirk does he have that's powerful enough to land him a ranked position in the Guerilla Warfare Regiment but indirect enough that he fights with a sword?

Prison Breaks: I wouldn't expect this to be particularly involved, probably more of an aside than anything, but I want the Bindi Ladies to spring Hole Punch Face, thus getting us an angle on what's going on with that particular trio.  Aviator Teeth can come too because I want at least some hints about what his deal is.

I'd also love to watch Horikoshi even attempt to retroactively justify some of the logistics of the single-day capture and subsequent detention of 17,000 super-powered, combat-trained people.*  I mean, I don't think there are any feasible explanations for that, but I'd be curious to see what he'd come up with, especially if every possible answer just makes Hero Society look worse! We have only ever seen Tartarus as an example of the prison conditions in this country; I'd love to hear more, and an MLA-focused jailbreak would be a great way to show it.

PLF Reunion: Of course, my number one thing to see with a reunion is Re-Destro being just as dismayed as Spinner is over Tomura's possession.  I crave more serious attention being paid to Rikiya's profound awe over Shigaraki's freedom, and would love to see his reaction to Shigaraki apparently losing that freedom.

Aside from the obvious, though, if the PLF does start piecing itself back together, I expect to see Sanctum again, given the attention he's gotten so far, and the fact that he's now the highest-ranked member of the Tactics Regiment.  It'd be great to get some explanation for how he can possibly be "the longest-serving member of the Liberation Army," given that the Army was generations old already when Re-Destro was just a child.  (If we do get that information, I imagine my own explanation will be jossed hugely, so I would also be happy to take time with Sanctum that doesn't explain the discrepancy but also doesn't invalidate my headcanon.)  

In the context of the regiments reforming, I'd also like to see Nimble and Aster, both because this manga needs more women, and because I'd like to see more of how Spinner and Toga interact with the people they were nominally commanding.

Media Attention: Trumpet's my number one hope here--the lack of any look into the state of the government in HeroAca Japan has been a total let-down since his introduction**, but I was particularly annoyed that the last time we saw him he was smiling (albeit in a fairly haggard way), giving me hope that we might next see him doing his part to portray all of this in a light that would sway public opinion.  And then literally one chapter later, we get prison guards talking about how the Hearts & Minds Party, a perfectly legitimized political party with representation on the national level, has been perfunctorily dissolved less than twelve hours from when the raid started.  How is there even an argument that the system heroes were upholding desperately needs to change?

I'm very tired of the media in BNHA only ever showing up to beg for/demand that heroes tell them what’s going on, particularly those damn press conferences. Journalists do investigative work! Newspapers employ reporters to actively seek out news!  Reporters in free countries don't just sit around waiting for the government or heads of major industries to graciously hand them press releases!  For heaven's sake, Trumpet was the head of a major political party.  People should be foaming at the mouth trying to get a statement from him!  

Especially with public trust in heroes breaking down, there should absolutely be intrepid reporters out there looking to get to the bottom of any of the layered conspiracies the public's just been hit with and told to just write-off as a bump in the road on the return to normalcy.

Anyway, Trumpet's the obvious choice, but if I could be sure the manga would validate my headcanons about Nimble and Scarecrow's disabilities, I'd be happy to put them in this position, too.  Trucker Toad would be another good candidate, if there's any basis to my idea that he is or used to be a transport driver who's seen a lot of the country outside the areas e.g. the Top Ten Heroes are patrolling.  He's obviously a good candidate for getting back to that idea of anti-heteromorph bias, too.  But really, I'd take anyone who can give a cogent explanation of the MLA's position on self-determination and the various ways Hero Society has exacerbated quirk-based discrimination.

Anyway, that's about where my thoughts are on where I hope the MLA people are and what we might see of them.  Thanks for the ask!

--------------

*Or as many as 100,000 more than that, depending on how through the statement, "Their bases around the country were also attacked, and their supporters rounded up," was meant to be.  An influx of 116K people, incidentally, would triple Japan's current carceral population.

**Why! Why would you introduce a politician and then never even glance at your setting's political situation??

[amwritingmeta]

End of S15 Spec: Is Cas Returning to Heaven?

My dearlings, my sweetlings, my buttery, Scottish shortbreads -

We’re in times of great turmoil right now and my only way to relax myself out of the need to check my Twitter feed every other minute and retweet all the inspiring or infuriating or educational stuff that’s coming at me left, right and centre, is to write. I started working on this piece of spec a little while back, after talking to @waywardliliana (hey girl hey) and last week I felt inspired to start writing this spec-meta-hopes-and-wishes-whathaveyou, so here we are.

This spec was actually brought on by Liliana telling me a prevailing theory in fandom right now (or a few weeks back) which is that Cas is going to die in 15x18. 

As far as I understand it from Liliana, this theory is based on the fact that Jensen and Misha were talking at VegasCon about having shot a heavy scene just the two of them (and quite possibly with Alex) before heading off to the con, and this scene is taking place sometime during 15x18.

That’s literally all I know, but that’s what I’m basing this spec on: something heavy happening between Dean and Cas in 15x18 as per “confirmed” by the actors themselves.

So, off the cuff: I don’t think Cas is going to die. 

Mostly due to narrative reasons, because I can’t see how him dying would service the story they’ve built for him this season whatsoever (let’s not forget about his deal with the Empty) (and I’ll dig deeper into that) nor how it would play into his individual arc as a whole, but also because it’s too repetitive. 

We’ve seen him die an angel death, we don’t need to see it again, nor would it be as impactful as Cas’ death at the end of S12 (and beginning of S7) where both instances can be looked at as serving to push Dean into a state of grief, where we got the chance to feel the loss and absence of Cas through how it affected Dean. Yeah? (yes!)

It’s always been beautifully handled, to be honest. Dean losing faith (and most starkly his faith in himself) when losing Cas. It happened in the S7 greif arc, and it happened in an even more condensed and pointed way in S13.

Because in S13, unlike in S7, Dean is no longer forcing a smile and pretending he’s okay. Instead, he’s wearing his anger like the armour it is, while telling Sam he’s fine, which Sam sees through very easily, and we do too, because of course he’s not fine. Until we finally get Dean admiting he needs Sam to keep the faith, because right now Dean can’t believe in a damn thing.

*mh mh good*

(it even happened to some extent in S15 after Cas left) (though then he was more in the I don’t give a fuck anymore mood) (once Cas comes back who is it that suddenly cracks the case of how to fight God wide open?) (yup) (our Dean that’s who)

So what would Cas dying bring to Dean’s individual arc this time around? 

What would Cas dying mean for Cas’ individual arc? 

Cas has died specifically to underpin Dean’s progression (or rather, to show us where that progression needs to take him) (and to give us a gorgeous underlining of how Cas is Dean’s happiness because of Dean’s attitude change when Cas comes back in S13) (hey-oh!) and Cas has died specifically to allow for his own rebirth, to push him into a new stage in his own progression toward self-actualisation, so killing him at the end of his journey would mean… he ends up in the Empty?

But the tying up of the dangling loose end that is Cas’ deal with the Empty needs to be linked directly to Cas giving himself permission to be happy.

I will dig deeper into this, but I doubt we’re getting him permitting himself to be happy in 15x18, because looking at this show’s narrative structure as it’s always been used before: either this moment needs to be linked back to his individual arc and his growing sense of identity, or it needs to be tied to Dean (because no enormous turning point for either character happens without it affecting the other) and neither of these are, to me, entirely viable.

That said, I mostly don’t see Cas ever going back to the Empty based in what I see the Empty as symbolically representative of, which is Cas’ Shadow, his unconscious, and Cas returning to its dwelling is a symbolical statement of defeat. He can’t fight the Empty, he can’t destroy the Empty, not while he is in the place where the Empty has the upper hand completely. Cas ending up in the Empty means his Shadow has won, there will be no integration, no self-actualisation, and Cas’ journey ends on a tragic note indeed. 

Is that a fair reward for someone who has just overcome his fear of happiness? Because when the Empty shows to claim Cas, we’ll know that this is exactly what has happened, and it’s an incredibly important moment for Cas’ progression, signaling self-acceptance and self-love, daring to allow himself to feel that happiness, and, or so I would hope, doing so in clear defiance of the Empty’s lingering threat. 

Because Cas feeling that strong in himself that he actually permits himself the happiness of the moment, knowing full well that it means the Empty will show, and feeling ready to face it head on (I mean, I have a loophole in mind, but I’ll get to that), it would be gigantically symbolic of how he’s crossing that threshold he’s been stood on for so long, no longer letting any of his fears rule him, no longer feeling any doubt or mistrust in himself.

*gah*

Cas actually being claimed right after his happiest moment and ending up in the Empty is not a fair reward, and Cas will not be narratively punished for reaching the climax of his progression. 

So, no, I simply do not believe he’s set to die.

More on the Empty and all that happiness goodness as we go along.

Now, the following thoughts are based in my reading of this narrative, so let’s proceed with caution and I’m handing out salt for you to sprinkle all over this piece of pure speculation. Sprinkle it at will, please!

Let’s begin with my main speculation for the final few episodes of S15, which is:

Cas’ powers are fully restored and he goes back to Heaven.

How would this happen? I would suggest that, as we’re witnessing Jack begin to come into his full power (he’s already levelled up from archangel), growing ever more sure of himself in the process, we may get to witness the full extent and wonder of that power, and what better way to showcase the budding culmination of them, than through Jack mending Cas’ broken wings? 

Of course, this is mere conjecture. There are a multitude of ways that Cas might end up powered up. Even God could play a role. Suggesting Jack is the source of this transformation is merely to create a foundation for the scenario, and it’s also fitting, as Jack has served to bring Cas a great deal of faith in his own capabilities, so Jack would serve well to give Cas the final push toward self-realisation, and Cas may very well need to remember what being whole as an angel feels like, to gain perspective on how to answer the ever-lingering questions of who he is and who he wants to be.

The biggest questions on the table for me, if this were to happen, are: 

Would we get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven? 

Or—>

Would we get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, would we get Cas, fully powered, gain the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life?

And finally —>

Is there a middle ground here?

There’s an old narrative question that comes to mind, posed to Cas in S9 (you know of which I speak), which is an articulation of Castiel’s deepest internal conflict, serving as motor for the character journey he’s pushed onto through meeting, and saving, Dean Winchester.

Two years ago I wrote an essay based around this question, and now, at the very end, I’m going to pose it again, and build the following meta analysis and speculation around what my answers to the above questions are, and why. 

Angel or Man?

One straightforward question.

And yet, Cas’ identity crisis has been with him from the very start of S4, and this question has been at the back of his mind, grating away, causing confusion and erroding his sense of self, because he’s loyal to everyone but himself (perfectly mirroring Dean) and that dual loyalty - Heaven and Dean (humanity) - has always been the baseline for why he can’t answer this straightforward question for himself.

Since S13, when he got himself out of the clutches of the Empty and chose to return to Earth, there’s been, to my mind, a heavy subtextual hinting at Cas having made an actual and very real choice of where he wants to belong - no longer waiting to be told he belongs there, the way he’s shown to be throughout S12 - and this real choice of where he wants to belong comes after we’ve gotten to witness his declaration of love towards Dean and the Winchesters, Cas telling them they’re his family in 12x12, so it fits nicely with his internal progression.

It fits especially nicely when considering the Empty as a symbolic representative of Cas’ Shadow (Carl Jung for the win).

Because Cas standing up to his unconscious fears and telling them to release him makes a double underlining for why Cas, from 13x04 and onward, has been shown to be growing into his sense of belonging, leading to him finding clarity of where to draw the line for himself, without worrying about outside opinion; this moving into a sense of real self-worth reaching a culmination in him standing up for himself to Dean in 15x03.

In fact, Cas standing up for himself was an enormous internal turning point for him, and brought on an enormous internal turning point for Dean, which may hopefully lead to clarity for him as well, and healing, as Cas putting his foot down forced Dean to finally be the one to name the feeling that usually overrides everything else: his anger.

(many secondary characters have tried to bring this awareness as they’ve pointed this out to him) (dark!Kaia especially) (but it took Cas’ righteous anger and distancing for Dean to finally be forced into a position to admit it to himself) (and through it, admit his lack of control over it) (huuuuge step in his movement toward much needed self-insight) (being honest with yourself is the first step!)

*gah*

Now, if Cas has been shown to choose where he wants to belong, for himself: Earth; then throughout S13 and into S14 he was still shown to be heavily reliant on his core trait of loyalty in order to have a pronounced direction, because, to me, his purpose throughout these two seasons leading into S15 still needed to be dictated by where he could apply his sense of duty.

Once he returned from the Empty, it was made perfectly clear that his sense of duty had gone from Heaven, to Humanity. 

Not only is this shown through how Cas states, more than once, that he willed himself back to Earth in order to fulfull his promise to Kelly Kline and protect her son, but it’s also given to us in how he uses his angelic powers for torture, once of his own accord, and then (horrifyingly) under the orders of Dean: Cas no longer serves Heaven, he serves Man. (more specifically Dean)

However horrifying - because he shouldn’t be taking orders at all, and he shouldn’t use his powers as a weapon like that - this shift is necessary to underline Cas’ evolving relationship with Heaven, which had its first nail driven into its coffin with Naomi, when she forced Cas to slaughter all those Deans, and its final nail given to us through Cas killing Duma, Cas showing us that he is now refusing to allow Heaven to exact any authority over him and, intriguingly enough for where we’re at now, rather choosing to deplete the needed Heavenly power source in order to kill a would-be oppressor, rather than see Heaven fall back into its previous totalitarian mode of regime.

Cas learning lessons in humanity and wanting to take them to Heaven to fix his home has been part of his arc since the end of S5, to rather disastrous effect, since he was ill-equipped to properly understand and incorporate lessons only half-learned.

Through him breaking away from Dean and leaving the bunker in 15x03, Cas showed independence in a way he never has before. 

Of course, he’s always been the one to leave at a moment’s notice or disappear without so much as a by-your-leave, but this was a confrontation, tied directly to Dean’s inability to listen and to forgive. 

It’s Cas refusing to be taken for granted, and this shows us how the biggest lesson the narrative has been trying to teach him is finally beginning to take proper hold, because refusing to be taken for granted means that his self-worth is at a point where he’s able to expect more for himself, because he knows he deserves better.

And, or so this meta writer would argue, because he knows Dean is better than how he’s behaving, and Cas is fed up with enabling Dean’s self-righteousness. *headcanon*

So, Cas is now equipped with a lot of the tools needed to bring actual balance to Heaven, to bring strong, good leadership that doesn’t look at human beings as something to scrape off the sole of their shoe. He has a stronger understanding of why humans human, and a sense of compassion that doesn’t cause doubt or confusion, but leaves him secure in his own viewpoint.

That said, we still have him identifying himself as a “thing” in the latter part of S14, which is something that leaves us without the actual answer to the above question, because even towards the end of S14 we have Cas unable to label himself as either or.

In fact, I would say that labeling himself a “thing” alongside Jack - a nephilim who is of Heaven, Earth and Hell - speaks to some amount of identity confusion. 

So then. 

Let’s ponder the final episodes - keeping in mind we’re just having some fun speculating - and consider the possibilities surrounding the final destination of Cas’ character journey, as well as how the possible outcomes affect his relationship with Dean. 

Castiel, Angel of the Lord

Scenario the First —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven.

I mean, it’s emotionally neat, to be honest, because if we leave Destiel to the side and look at the plain text, Dean and Cas’ bond can be tied to their respective individual journeys through how Cas represents Faith to Dean, and Dean represents Humanity to Cas.

They are each other’s most repressed sides manifested, and they are an externalisation of each other’s internal compass, pointing them to the internal work they need to do to be able to reach self-actualisation through acknowledging, accepting and embracing what the other represents to them.

For Dean, it’s learning to have faith in himself, to trust, and in so doing, letting go of his need for control, tied directly to that anger of his.

For Cas, it’s facing and fully accepting the innate humanity he’s always displayed, trusting in it and having no reason to question, doubt or fear it.

So if we get a series ending where Dean is finally having pronounced faith (in himself, not in a higher power) (which is why God as the Big Bad is especially fitting like omfg), and this faith allowing him to tap into his sense of trust (in others rather than himself, but also this extended trust being possible thanks to his newfound trust in himself) and this sense of trust brings about some much needed inner peace, then Cas’ role in Dean’s arc has been fulfilled. 

And if we have Cas bringing his accrued understanding and internalised humanity (trusting that his sense of compassion is a strength, not a weakness) back to Heaven in order to bring about actual balance and finally mending what he himself has played a large part in breaking apart, then that would fit with Cas’ overall arc and the lessons Dean, as a role model, was meant to teach will be implemented. 

Neat.

Except.

Except for the fact that, if Cas goes fully-fledged angel, returns to Heaven and the series ends on him staying there, these three narratively unsatisfactory points hold true:

He will still, when dead, be bound for the Empty

He will be giving up his family

He will, end of the day, be embracing duty over freedom

Yeah, we need to talk about these three unsatisfactory points, fam.

1. The Empty

Ah, yes, here we go. 

The lay of the land is that Cas made a deal with the Empty to save Jack. I wrote a long meta on this so I won’t go into too much detail, save to say that it’s a deal that left Cas promised to the Empty, with the twist that the Empty won’t claim Cas before he gives himself permission to be happy.

Yeah. Ouch much?

I’ve already argued my point for why I doubt Cas will die, but what would happen in a scenario where Cas returns to Heaven fully-fledged, meant to remain there for the rest of his… existence?

I would suppose there would needs be a reckoning between the Empty and Cas before Cas commits to this return, because since they planted the Empty lording its deal with Cas over Cas’ head as recently as 15x13, I have a hard time seeing the writers solving this plot point with anything less than us seeing Cas relaxing into a moment of happiness-permission.

That said, let’s say they do. Let’s say there’s a flick-of-the-wrist solution. I don’t think there will be, but for the sake of argument. And by flick-of-the-wrist I mean we get the Empty showing up in a moment where Cas is truly happy, but the Empty’s appearance doesn’t hold sway thanks to some external force: Jack or Death herself, rather than an internal triumph linked entirely to his individual arc, or in any way linked back to Dean. 

(and though some may argue against the love story being canonically viable) (though I’d argue that it is) (the fact that Dean and Cas share a profound bond and a different dynamic to Sam and Cas, and even Dean and Sam, is canonically established) (through both grief!arcs for Dean) (and through Cas choosing to leave in S15 having everything to do with Dean and absolutely nothing to do with Sam)

Solving the deal with the Empty is fairly easily done, even though the flick-of-the-wrist solution won’t be as satisfactory for most of us who know Cas and root for him, and even if the flick-of-the-wrist moment could conceivably come with someone powerful enough (like Jack or even Death, who, though she won’t do hands on interference, seems to have made a promise to the Empty that it will get to go back to sleep once all is said and done) (but, as we know, Billie speaks in riddles), despite the viable characters possibly powerful enough to destroy the Empty, actually destroying it immediately feels, to me, like too big of a cop out and I doubt the writers would even consider it. 

Again, this is very much based in my reading of the Empty as Cas’ Shadow, and Cas’ Shadow shouldn’t be destroyed. 

For it all to symbolically line up, the Empty should be symbolically integrated. 

(the way Michael - Dean’s Shadow representative - wasn’t destroyed, but instead had his essence swallowed down by Jack, becoming a part of him instead, and all that symbolic toxic masculinity poison inside Jack leading to all sorts of narrative repercussions, needing to be levelled out by Jack growing enough to retrieve his soul and return his own internal equilibrium) (which, in turn, is highly symbolic on so many levels) (but enough digression)

Based on this, once the battles are won and God has been defeated, the Empty would remain. So even though the deal is dealt with through whatever means it’s dealt with: that dark, vast, nothing would be the place where angels who die go to suffer a restless, horrific sleep.

For eternity. 

And that’s my first argument for why I personally do not want Cas to remain an angel past the conclusion of the show: the Empty looms as victor and will eventually get to claim Cas, even if Cas gets out of the deal he’s made.

I mean, how likely is it that Cas doesn’t face death at some point, really? He’s pretty prone to dying, especially dying for what he believes to be right. 

Digression into The Middle Ground as it should be tied in here:

The Middle Ground

Scenario the Third —> 

Is there a middle ground here?

Now, here’s a bit of a rub, because way I see it, exploring if there’s a possibility of Cas ending up neither fully-fledged nor human needs to be based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all.

Which means that, in this middle ground scenario, whatever exchange that occurs between Dean and Cas in 15x18 has nothing to do with them. 

For example, the heavy scene that Jensen and Misha were talking about Dean and Cas suffering through could have to do with Jack, though if something terrible is going to happen to Jack or if Jack is going to sacrifice himself for the greater good, I have a hard time seeing Sam not being present.

However, for arguments sake…

In this scenario, where Cas doesn’t power up, we should thirdly assume that we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. 

He simply remains in the same shape and form in which he currently is. 

The same shape and form that he’s held since S9, when he suited back up after the human!Cas arc and readied himself for war, necessarily and formidably and to his emotional detriment for many years as it brought on his darkest arc (Lucifer possession). 

This choice was a narrative necessity, because human!Cas was already growing into his own skin by 9x09, and it’s made perfectly clear why Cas had to go through it all, because he had to face his fear of being useless without his powers, and unaccepted as an equal and nothing more than expendable with them.

So, would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

And by narratively satisfactory I mean that this scenario:

ties up loose ends

justifies the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaves us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

I’ll get back to this, but for now I’ll reiterate how Cas remaining an angel in any shape or form, be it the one he’s had for many a season, or a new and powered up version, still means, as per our narrative, that he’s going to have to spend eternity in the Empty.

So, no. 

To me - not satisfactory.

Now for the second point up for discussion, should the series end with Cas becoming fully-fledged and returning to Heaven to stay there —>

(while bearing in mind that this is all conjecture and based in my reading of this narrative) (don’t forget them pinches of salt, my loves)

2. Giving Up His Family

Would he have to give up his family, though? If he goes fully-fledged and returns to Heaven to lead in any capacity, doesn’t that just mean that he’ll hear Dean’s prayers and return as often as he can? Which, if their previous track record is anything to go by, would be often. It’s not like this is an ending, right?

Well. 

I think it has to be for the narrative to actually have a conclusion. 

They could half-ass it and leave the ending open to interpretation, sure; but the question as it stands to be answered is for Castiel to choose between being an angel and being a man, and narratively the half-assed answer is how he’s been living for the majority of his journey.

He has, since S9, been sincerely stuck between these two modes of existing, one foot in Heaven and the other out of it, and for a lot of his progression, this half-assed state of existence has meant horribly broken wings and thinking himself only useful as a weapon.

The narrative itself has pushed for Cas’ internal conflict to be centered on how to honestly answer the question of what his true identity is, and the only way for him to answer it honestly is to gain perspective enough so that he’s able to take a long hard look at who he wants to be.

Due to this, Cas’ internal conflict, since S4, has been circling Cas’ avoidance of being honest with himself. (perfectly mirroring Dean)

So for the narrative to end on the answer being angel, only for Cas to continue to be allowed to half-ass it (because it would be too sad to watch him make a choice that means giving up his family) leaves his journey, and all those hard-learned lessons, coming across as rather pointless. 

He was stuck half-assing it for all these years because he hadn’t found the needed perspective to answer the question honestly, so if his honest answer is angel and this honest answer is meant to bring self-actualisation and a step toward real internal balance (or internal completion, if you will) then leaving him in a half-assing it state as the narrative concludes is unsatisfactory.

Let’s look again at the ways to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey:

tying up loose ends

justifying the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaving us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

The answer is yes to all of these points if Cas becomes a fully-fledged angel and STAYS in Heaven, with no detours to Earth, because angels aren’t meant to walk the Earth, and it was them walking the Earth after staying away for two thousand years that really started this whole roller coaster ride of destruction and mayhem, right? Right.

Castiel making peace with his past and accepting the fact that he was never meant to live an earthbound existence, taking all the good things humanity has taught him, and fully embracing his own innate humanity in order to take away the fear and indoctrination of Heaven, would make for a satisfactory ending to his individual arc.

At least the superficial reading of it.

And I’m not about the superficial reading of it. 

And of course I don’t want this for Cas. But looking at it from a purely narrative viewpoint, I can see how this could work.

It just means that Cas would have to recognise his ties to Dean for what they are (in this scenario): a teachable moment. And Cas has learned his lessons. And he’ll always be grateful, but it’s time for him to let go.

Yeah, like I said, I don’t want this for Cas or for Cas and Dean, but I can see it as viable. More viable than Cas half-assing it as a fully-fledged angel, because that leaves a much bigger narrative exclamation point for me in that it basically invalidates the necessity for his broken wings and rebellion as part of his character growth.

If he’s going to land back exactly where he started, then he should’ve been able to get there fully-fledged. But, of course, he couldn’t get there fully-fledged because the writers couldn’t work him into the narrative if he was powered up.

He was always too powerful an ally to the very breakable brothers, and if he’d been fully-fledged throughout, it would’ve messed up our sense of the stakes.

But now, should he be allowed to half-ass it as fully-fledged once the narrative has ended, his brokeness, which has always been so essential to his progression, will come across much less as an integral part of that, and all the more like nothing but a narrative necessity, rather than a way to structure and explore Cas’ needs as a character for internal growth that have always, so beautifully, mirrored Dean’s needs.

Of course, if Cas were to choose to go back (forever), then there’s the highly satisfactory tie-back potential of a goodbye between Cas and Dean linking right back to the end of S8, giving us the gravitas of the “ET goes home” moment in full regalia.

It would be heartbreaking af, but for it to hold that gravitas, ET really has to get on that spaceship and go off home forever this time. You know?

In my book, it would be the tragedy to end all tragedies. *please no*

3. Duty over Freedom

This is a big one for me.

It’s a big one because the overarching and driving themes of our narrative have always had to do with —>

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

And the constant push and pull of these three thematic threads decrees the ups and downs of Cas’ progression, as well as Dean’s, because of the way that their deeply rooted view on duty is directed at everything and everyone but themselves, and this view on duty is informed by their sense of loyalty, and that sense of loyalty is all askew due to their lack of self-worth.

Sam has this same duty-triggered sense of loyalty as well, though in a slightly different guise, because though Dean and Cas have both been messed up by their respective fathers’ indoctrination into soldierdome (the root of the root of their view on duty) Sam’s sense of duty is to his father figure, which is Dean. 

Sam may have rejected feeling any sense of duty towards John, but the codependency has ensured that Sam is still stuck in the same pattern, has learned it, one might say, through looking up to Dean and, to my mind, knowing the sacrifices Dean has always made, putting Sam first, no matter what, and the codependency has held due to Sam’s diminished self-worth after every choice he made during his time with Ruby. 

Defeating the devil and saving the world, in spite of those choices, wasn’t enough to heal the trauma he inflicted on his own self-perception, and his trust began to seep out of him with every new situation lobbied at him where control was taken away from him. So he handed that control over to Dean. And let him lead. Because it was just easier. 

(I love this show so much) (the threading is so breathtaking)

Now, back to Cas —>

The narrative has worked to teach Cas a lesson.

The lesson of choice.

But making choices without having the self-worth to trust your innate instincts, as well as having an understanding of your own morals and boundaries, is a recipe for disaster.

As the narrative has shown us, time and again.

Each horrific choice Cas has made has been pushing for him to gain enough self-insight that he’ll learn from his mistakes, and grow.

And he has.

There is the darker side of duty, the one where one does what one has to, where one makes the bad deal, where fear is allowed to govern one’s sense of direction, and old patterns are easier to remain in than forging new ones.

This is the sense of duty all of our main characters seem set to break away from.

But, of course, their core traits are also informed by their deeply felt need to protect innocent life, to step in where they know they’re the only ones who can actually make a difference, to take responsibility for ensuring the safety of people who are in harms way.

Yah, this sense of duty (the one that makes them into actual heroes) is informed by the good side to loyalty.

What they need to break away from is following old patterns blindly, without asking themselves what they actually want, and without much planning or hope for the future. 

So if the scenario we get is the one that gives us Castiel, Angel of the Lord, where he goes back to Heaven at the end of the series, with all the bells and whistles that comes along with that, allowing Cas to actually bring about some sense of peace and order and fix his home, then we still get the unsatisfactory ingredient of Cas reverting back to old patterns, because we have this stated:

You listen to me. Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you… It’s been the best part of my life, and the things we’ve shared together - they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.

We have it narratively stated through dialogue that Cas:

considers his time on Earth the best part of his “life” (a very human thing for an angel to say btw)

that what he’s shared with the Winchesters has changed him (and we’ve seen that manifested in all of the choices he’s made throughout S13-15 where he stopped serving Heaven, began serving Man only to, by beginning of S15, start to serve himself, listening to his own wants and needs and setting clear boundaries for how he expects to be treated)

that he considers the Winchesters - and, of course, this now includes Jack - as his family

and he loves them

He loves them. One might say that his heart is, symbolically, earthbound.

Back to the bulletpoint overview of how to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey and, keeping in mind the three points discussed above of what remaining an angel at the end of his journey would actually mean for Cas as a character, we ask ourselves:

Does him remaining an angel satisfactorily tie up loose ends?

Does him remaining an angel justify the obstacles he’s had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does him remaining an angel leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

For me, it’s a pretty big and hella bold-lettered no to the first two, and a meh to the third one, because yes, we’ll get a good idea of what a Heavenbound Cas might do with his existence, but it’s not a satisfactory yes, because of all the already mentioned reasons. 

He’ll have answered the identity question by choosing Angel as his reply, but that reply nullifies so much of the emotional growth he’s done over the years, and goes against the multitude of narrative statements given to us of where he feels he belongs.

So, nothing else to do but to discuss the second possible scenario on our checklist, right?

Yaaaaassss indeed. Not going to lie. I’m partial to this one. Pardon me if my love for the human!Cas arc shines through. (it glitters and sparkles)

So Very, Very Human

Scenario the Second —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, we get Cas, fully powered, gaining the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life.

My main reason for standing so firmly behind the idea of Castiel cutting out his grace and choosing a human life is anchored in the three thematic tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression.

As already mentioned, they are:

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

The in-between state Cas has been hovering in since Dean’s death at the end of S9, an in-between state that won’t be satisfactorily concluded (as per my above argumentation against it) through him becoming a fully-fledged powered up angel of the lord warrior of Heaven again, would be satisfactorily concluded should he choose, for himself, that where he wants to be, where he belongs, is with his family.

He belongs on Earth.

And the foremost reason for why he belongs on Earth isn’t actually based in the fact that it’s where those he loves are, it runs deeper than that, because in order for Cas to feel whole, in order for him to feel, as the narrative has put it more than once in the last few seasons, complete, he needs to accept what his true form is, he needs to open up to what the narrative has tried to teach him and show him, for all these years, that it is, and that true form is human.

Do we need him to feel whole? There are plenty of broken people in this world, right? Why can’t Cas be representative of someone who has found his place, regardless of whether he’s all fixed up? Perhaps he keeps his broken wings and still changes his attitude from feeling like he’s a “thing” to thinking of himself as simply himself?

Perhaps he already is doing exactly that?

This line of questioning brings us back to —>

The Middle Ground

Let’s reiterate Scenario the Third: based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all, and we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. He simply remains in the same shape and form that he’s more or less held since S9.

Now, I’ll ask it again: would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set up to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

Does it tie up loose ends?

Does it justify the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does it leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

Well, let’s see.

Does Cas remaining as he has been - broken wings and all - tie up loose ends?

Loose ends for Cas would be the fact that Heaven is falling apart; the deal with the Empty; answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing); claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment); displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) and narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned.

Loose End: Heaven is Falling Apart —>

As mentioned, Cas has tried to fix his home since end of S5, where he declared that was he was going to do to a grief stricken Dean, and left (oh Cas)

Cas’ first attempt was to bring what he’d learned about free will to Heaven, trying to teach it to the angels, discovering, to his great despair, that it’s like trying to teach poetry to fish, but, again, I would argue that Cas wasn’t fully equipped to act the teacher, and because he forced himself into the role, seeing no other way to beat Raphael than to push for the type of rebellion he learned how to stage through his time with Dean, it ended with Cas’ confused sense of identity manifesting in him morphing into the figure he’d hoped could save them all: God.

Rather than believing he was enough, he could see no other choice but to become something else entirely, something that went against everything he truly believes to his core to be right, turning him into something violent and discompassionate, pushing him to finally admit the error in his choice, only to have it be too late, and that choice ending up setting the Leviathan loose on the world while he died in that lake, paying the ultimate price for his mistakes.

This part of Cas’ backstory, the deep failure, the shame, the guilt that came with it, has been underpinning Cas’ lack of self-worth and, more importantly, his lack of self-trust ever since he came back in 7x17. 

This is why Heaven now sitting on the brink of collapse is tied so specifically to his character journey and why it’s an important loose end that is in need of tying up, not only plot wise, but as part of a narrative statement clarifying Cas’ progression.

How so?

Because there should be good reason - whether Cas stays on Earth as is, or whether he makes the choice to become human - for him to feel at peace with that choice, and especially if Cas is to stay as is - broken wings and all - there’s even more reason for us to understand that he’s no longer in-between Heaven and Earth: he’s able to let Heaven go.

So if Heaven is no longer crying out for him to, out of sheer narrative necessity, stay dutifully tied to that sense of guilt and shame that his previous failures have placed in him, keeping him feeling ever so responsible for his birthplace, making it rather impossible for him to actually weigh what he truly wants for himself, then once Heaven is balanced out, what we might get to witness is Cas able to definitively let Heaven go. Cas making one final choice of remaining on Earth, and making it for himself.

Saving Heaven from this threat of continued errosion is most easily accomplished through two narrative tools that are already established in the narrative:

Jack using his powers to help restore this balance 

or an archangel returning to Heaven and restoring a semblence of it’s former glory (Michael might change his mind...for example)

Both these things can happen without Cas being fully-fledged, nor does he need to be human, he can stay just as he’s been and Heaven can still find balance. 

One could even see how Heaven actually being balanced out at the end of the series and Cas being allowed to breathe again could be structured into serving as his narrative reward for Big Lessons Learned. Because there should be a reward at the end of Cas’ journey. He’s literally been to Hell and back. 

The thing is that for that reward to be apparent to us, we need to see the moment where he truly earns it, a moment that establishes that he’s not only aware of what the narrative has been pushing for him to learn, but the Big Lessons are internalised and his journey has worked to evolve him.

The simplest way of showing these Big Lessons Learned to the audience and clarifying this moment of Cas earning his reward, is by giving us a sense of Cas choosing. 

Why? 

Because the narrative, as already offered, is based in the theme of Freedom of Choice, and ideally Cas’ choice would tie directly in with the other two overarching themes of identity and family.

Which lands us in this question: What exactly would Cas be shown to choose should he remain as is? 

Because, to my mind, Cas remaining as he is makes it pretty difficult to show him making any sort of choice, since he is literally just staying as he has been, especially as he has been since he made that choice back in 13x04 of returning from the Empty to Earth, being sent back in his old vessel. 

See, he’s already chosen where he wants to belong, and S15, if anything, has underlined this choice having been made, through Cas’ confrontation with Dean, Cas leaving the bunker because of Dean, and then returning, before Dean apologised, because Dean being a dickhead no longer interferes with Cas’ sense of self: he knows where he belongs.

(and without him returning nothing will change) *slow eye-brow raise*

And it may not have been an overt Cas is Back in Town moment, but it came damn close.

So, then, what choice does he need to make?

For me, the choice isn’t where to belong, because the answer has been given to us through his actions since S13, but especially throughout S15, but rather the choice still ahead of him is how to belong. 

And lest we forget, should Cas choose to belong on Earth as an angel, he will still, by all accounts, be headed for the Empty once all is said and done, Because at the end of it all, the Empty will (most likely) get to go back to sleep. I cannot see it going bye-bye. 

So the fact remains that, even if there’s some way out of Cas’ current Empty deal, there’s nowhere else for Cas to go when he dies.

And after everything he’s been through (and as per the romantic in me) shouldn’t he get to go to Heaven, and shouldn’t it be a shared Heaven, one where his soulmate resides? I would argue with my last breath that the answer is yes.

But, my loves, there’s only one way for him to get there. 

Oh, let me add that I don’t believe Cas still has his soul, because then he wouldn’t have gone so completely to the Empty after his angel death. Honestly, I like it better that way, because the humanity of humans is often professed to reside with their soul, but Cas is a statement of how one’s humanity is actually tied to one’s choices, giving us an excellent example of how it doesn’t matter what you are, it matters what you do. 

Jack’s choices, for example, may have become heavily influenced by him losing his soul and his ability to feel fully, but most of his mistakes were brought on because of the lack of guidance he suffered. WWWD was not a very good piece of advice, and had Dean been the one to take on the responsibility (which he couldn’t, because of his suspicion rooted in all his own fears, but if he had) then the outcome would’ve most likely been a different one. 

I’ll leave the How Cas Can Get Into Heaven topic for now, and focus us back on the loose ends, because the one that sticks out the most - at least to me - is how, if Cas were to remain as he is, neither getting his wings back nor choosing to become human, we will not get an actual answer to the narratively posed question of Angel or Man?

Loose End: The Question of His True Identity

Cas remaining as is, isn’t a final choice. 

It may be an acceptance of how he has to remain broken and somewhat stuck in-between if he’s to live on Earth and be with his human family, but it’s not a choice, not really, not this late in the game. 

For me, this isn’t a deal breaker (in fact, no scenario really is because I in no way expect all of this to be hitting the spot to a T anyway) but it would be highly unsatisfactory.

Why is it so important to get a definitive answer to the Angel or Man question? After all, it was posed six seasons ago and perhaps the narrative has actually moved on from it?

Yes, this is absolutely a good point and a possibility at that, and, again, I am in no way deluded enough to think that all of this speculation will hit on what we’ll actually get with even the slightest precision, but for my own sake (which is really why I’m outlining all these thoughts yeah?) I want to push for why I still feel, to my core, that leaving Cas with broken wings, even if he finds self-worth and self-actualisation in that half-state, there is something deeply unsatisfactory in the loose end of not actually answering the question of which side to him - the angelic or the human - that actually brings him the most happiness.

(I almost wrote “which side to him actually sparks joy”) (but no) (I mean kinda yes he should Marie Kondo his insides) (we all should do that once in a while) (them mean thoughts and them self-destructive impulses?) (yeah they can go) (anyway…)

Not giving us a definitive answer to the question of identity is especially dissatisfying as the narrative, for over ten years of character journey, has shown us how miserable it makes Cas to not be earthbound. In fact, the one time he made the choice to go back to Heaven and close the gates behind him forever in order to save humanity, the narrative said nope, don’t think so - and brought him right back to humanity. By making him human.

I will concede to this being my interpretation of Cas’ journey, because nowhere in canon is this stated, but way I see it, Cas has been transitioning from angel to human since the second he touched Dean in Hell.

And it’s not a desire placed there by Dean, it’s something Cas has carried within himself, a curiosity, and a seedling of doubt, ever since he came off the assembly line with a crack in his chassis. 

Gripping Dean tight and raising him from perdition merely served to give Cas’ already existing curiosity, and doubt, something to actually focus on. Something to focus on so hard that all the brainwashing done by Heaven couldn’t keep it at bay anymore, because it’s part of who Cas truly is to question authority, to seek free will, to not be used as a weapon, but to step in and act the shield of his own volition.

Which brings us back to the second scenario, which I’m now going to expand on —>

So Very, Very Human (again)

Remember those three tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression? 

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and sense of duty)

And what were all those loose ends in need of being tied up?

Heaven is falling apart

The deal with the Empty

Answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing)

Claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment)

Displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) 

Narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned

I am not saying Cas has to become human in order for his journey to conclude 100% satisfactorily, thus spake the lords of storytelling; I am open to (no I mean it sincerely) whatever is headed our way, whatever the writers choose as an ending that is satisfactory to them, I will accept it, whatever guise it takes, yeah? 

This is simply my personal preference for what would be the most satisfactory to me, and I’m making that statement now, because I’m about to go headfirst into outlining exactly why. Thanks for sticking with me this far. You’re awesome. *heart eyes*

Okay. 

Human!Cas. 

Before we look ahead, I’d like us to look back, all the way back to S9 and the human!Cas arc, because I’d like to explain, briefly, why I put down the need for a Cas is Back in Town moment amidst those loose ends.

You see, when Cas first experienced mortality, we all know it started rough. It started with him feeling lost and being all alone and getting himself killed and then it continued with him believing he’d finally come home to roost in the bunker, only to be inexplicably thrown out, by Dean, and then Cas went on to find himself a human persona (Steve) and learning to mimick other humans and doing simply what he figured was expected of him, and then Dean came into town and because Dean encouraged Cas to get in on the case, Cas was brought into a situation where he had no choice but to face the fear of getting himself killed again, only this time he’d probably stay dead - a fear that had been festering like a terrible festering festerer - and once he’d done that, he was able to finally admit to himself that “Steve” wasn’t anything but an armour and he dropped that armour and then we got the Cas is back in town moment of 9x09 fame.

So.

It would be awesome for him to have another Cas is Back in Town moment. 

Why, exactly?

Because that’s the moment in the human!Cas arc when we are shown, unequivocally, that Cas’ sense of identity is flourishing. He is choosing to insert himself into the investigation, even though the last time we saw Cas, it was when he was told by Dean Touchstone for all Things Human Winchester to go and live his life, basically having it explained to him, by his foremost role model for what humanity is, that life, and specifically this newfound life of Cas’, should be lived away from dangerous things. 

Cas being back in town, and happy and proud to be so, is all about Cas embracing his innate need to protect, even if that means risking his own life, and choosing a hunter life for himself, finding his way back to the people he loves by being entirely honest with himself about who he is and who he wants to be, not allowing fear to rule him. 

He follows his heart, you might say. (go on, you know you wanna say it)

And yes, out of narrative necessity - because Cas can’t see how he can help save/heal Sam or stave off the brewing war as a human - Cas then chooses to swallow stolen grace and get his powers back, which, btw, brings about the most heartbreaking phone exchange between Dean and Cas ever. Ow. My damn heart.

So then, that’s the human!Cas arc in brief, and the core reason for why I feel so very strongly that Cas - who screwed himself by swallowing that grace, unable to see how he could possibly be useful in the fight as a human, even though he displays a stronger sense of self as a human than he ever has as an angel - would be happiest, at the end of his journey, if he were to end it on making the choice to become human, to live a mortal life, with his family, on Earth.

And, yes, then, rather than spending eternity in the dread Empty, getting to go to Heaven with the man he goddamn well loves, innit?

Ah, but there’s more. Oh, yes.

1. Identity

In ways that remaining an angel narratively simply cannot provide, Cas choosing to become human would cement the end of his transitioning period and would be the final marker for those Big Lessons Learned.

The Big Lessons presented to him throughout the narrative, meant to bring him to a point of growth in his progression where he can finally and honestly and without hesitation answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? ie. What do I want? 

And, yes, if the answer to these questions were: Human. and To live a long and happy life. then this would also answer the question of what Cas’ true identity is, ie. it would provide the conclusive reply to the Angel or Man? query.

And yes, of course, so would the reply Angel, but as I’ve attempted to demonstrate through my above argumentation, replying Angel still comes with dangling loose ends.

I would also argue that Cas’ happiest moment could be, and even should be, tied to his moment of self-actualisation, his moment of finally being honest with himself, not only honest about where he truly belongs, but how he wants to belong there.

He’s been missing that PB&J, but he has never believed that he would be of any use in the fight if he doesn’t have his powers. He’s been unable to actually see himself as part of the Winchester clan if he doesn’t have something to bring to the table, because the last time he tried, he was left with what he saw as no other choice but to admit defeat and swallow that stolen grace, so that he could power back up and feel ready, feel less vulnerable, find those old, worn patterns and take comfort from them. 

To have Cas restored to full strength - because I do believe it would be a beautiful moment, not just for Cas, but for Jack as well, and if Dean is there, then it would be an all around gorgeous moment of healing - to then have Cas, with all his powers, finally admit that he doesn’t want them, because he doesn’t need them anymore, they’re not as much a part of him as they’re a helpful side effect to being an angel, and he doesn’t belong in Heaven, he doesn’t want to be in Heaven, and he may not know exactly what a human life will entail - he has an inkling, since his stint as a human, but there’s still so much he’s never experienced - he just knows he wants it.

And this would all be brain-crackling, full of satisfaction and tying up of many loose ends, as well as underlining the actual necessity for Cas’ journey through all of the Big Lessons Learned. *feels*

There could be stakes added here, tying back to S8 and the closing of the gates. To bring about balance, perhaps the gates of Heaven and Hell need to close for good? Ie. there’ll be no more angels and demons walking the Earth. So the choice for Cas wouldn’t be an in between one, it would be an either or. Stay in Heaven forever and remain an angel, or go back to Earth, but go back as a human. 

It fits the narrative if anything like this were to happen - Cas being confronted with an ultimatum that forces clarity - because Cas isn’t contemplating cutting out his grace. Not yet. He’s safe within the status quo and sees no reason to question it, not even with the Empty popping up to remind him of their deal.

Aw, yes, let’s explore how the Empty so neatly ties in with Cas’ fear of happiness. (perfectly mirroring Dean) 

Now, remember, I’m looking at this with the Empty as representative of Cas’ Shadow, which, in Carl Jung terms means the Empty is a manifestation of Cas’ unconscious. 

The Shadow, made up of repressed thoughts, desires and feelings, doesn’t trust that anything will ever be okay or that anything good will last - it’s up to oneself to consciously strive to dare to believe in such things, and conquer one’s unconscious fears, because if our fears are allowed to influence and rule us, then real happiness will be difficult to accept as lasting, and the emotional roller coaster will feel safer than actually standing still in a balanced frame of mind.

The Shadow is in charge of that roller coaster. It’s not really as menacing as it’s made out to be through the Empty, but it is still a side to oneself that one has to face, accept and integrate in order to find that balanced from of mind.

Looking at it from this point of view - and I do - the Shadow telling Cas to keep fearing that moment of happiness — because it won’t last, it will mean he’s bound for the Empty, and a horrifying eternal non-sleep, with no peace in sight — is a manipulative tactic to keep Cas from striving toward self-actualisation and integration.

Because if he does reach self-actualisation, if he balances himself out and gets a moment of perfect internal clarity, where there’s no need for fear, where he’s been able to be honest with himself and honestly LOVE himself in the process, then that moment of self-actualisation will allow him to see his Shadow clearly, and integrate it through acceptance of his own flaws - that shame and guilt and all of that fear of failure will begin to be healed, and his Shadow will have no more emotional buttons to push in order to keep Cas cowed, mistrusting of himself, and defeated.

His conscious self (ego) will no longer be ruled by his unconscious (shadow).

So how does Cas actually beat the deal?

I mean, from that above reading, I would say that a very effective way for him to break the deal is to stop fearing that moment of happiness, and by no longer allowing his fear to rule him, being able to reach his moment of self-actualisation, and the moment of integration.

Cas choosing to become human would be a moment of honesty, of self-insight, of acceptance. It would be a moment of deep, deep self-actualisation. A moment of real internal peace, followed, I would say, by a moment of true happiness.

So let me paint you a detailed spec scenario, because it demonstrates why I am so behind this idea, not that I think this is The Scenario, but because it simply makes sense and ticks all the boxes for satisfaction that are at the back of my head.

Fully-fledged Cas is in Heaven (which is balanced out thanks to Jack/Michael/Death or whatever constellation is created to Fix It) and Cas is now faced with the option to stay an angel, or to go back to Earth a human. 

He makes the choice - meaning his moment of true happiness. *identity based*

The Empty appears. 

But the thing is, Cas now knows what he’s found for himself by making this choice - a loophole.

He cuts out his grace doubly triumphant: he gets to go home, and the Empty has no hold over him anymore.

He is not for the Empty - he is human, and when he dies, he will go to Heaven.

It’s not about taking anything away from him or saying that he’s not fine just as he is, it’s building on the narrative push for him to accept himself, just as he’s always been, and stop fighting it, stop questioning it, stop worrying that he won’t be enough without his powers, that he won’t be able to contribute, that he won’t be looked at the same, because, in the end, when it comes to self-actualisation, all that matters is what you think and what you know to be your truth.

Self-actualisation is about your acceptance of yourself, it’s about your ability to love yourself through that acceptance, and it, in turn, opening you up to receiving love, knowing, to your core, that you are lovable and deserve to be loved.

With this scenario comes a Big Lessons Learned moment that sets Cas up for a reward. 

And what should it be?

2. Family

As already mentioned, we know who Cas considers to be his family: Dean, Sam and Jack.

If Jack doesn’t end up sacrificing himself for the greater good (which I feel is more plausible a death than any other), then his human side would, most likely, keep him on Earth. 

And then there’s Sam. Dear Sam. Who’s a friend in need and a friend, indeed.

Lastly, there’s Dean. And the depth of what Dean means for Cas, and what Dean narratively has meant for Cas’ progression, is pretty much impossible to overlook. 

I know I already brought this up, but I think it’s important to note, because whether we get a textual  pronounciation and conclusion to the subtextual love story between Dean and Cas, or whether it’s kept in subtext and merely strongly hinted at, the fact of the matter is that they matter to one another, more so than anyone else have ever mattered to them and this would, of course, provide the tragedy of a goodbye, should a goodbye be required, and the ending be tragic, but it also pushes on the very real fact of how a reward, in any guise, would most easily be tied to what they’ve narratively (and very canonically) have meant for one another.

Yes, when I say they matter more to each other than anyone else, this means even Sam for Dean, because Sam isn’t the character in the narrative put there to help push for Dean’s progression - Cas is. 

To put it plainly: the codependency is the placeholder, highlighting the progression that’s needed to reach self-actualisation. The trust and healthy challenges Dean shares with Cas is the opposite, underlining the fears he needs to face, and where he should get to emotionally, once he has reached self-actualisation. 

Cas’ relationship with Dean - and how Dean was a role model in all things human, at least up until the moment Cas stated there was nothing left to say and stepped out of that bunker, because he’d learned what he could and he had no interest in learning how to be so unforgiving, which was a Big Lesson, since it takes the label of teacher off Dean and allows him to be entirely something else - could easily serve as a satisfactory conclusion and statement of Cas having incorporated all the lessons of the narrative, especially since so many of them tie directly back to Dean.

Cas embracing his own humanity, for himself, without worrying about what that humanity might mean for anyone else, and believing himself deserving of love due to letting go of all those old fears, thanks to him reaching a point of self-actualisation, would mean that he would stop waiting for Dean to make a move, and might very well make that move himself. 

Personally I’m doubtful it will be textual, but what stronger statement could the writers make of who ends up with whom than to end the series on Sam with Eileen, and Cas returning from Heaven, human, and giving us something very akin to that Cas is Back in Town moment (even if it’s only in spirit)? 

It would serve to let us know that, of course, Cas isn’t fearful of his mortality this time around. He’s empowered by it. And him returning to the bunker, to his family, to the life, to Dean, signals to us how he’s very ready to get back to it all, including going out hunting (with Dean).

Simple. Neat. Non-explicit, and yet undeniable. 

Aka closure.

The good kind. You know? The one that leaves you exhilarated and dancing around your room laughing with joy at how amazing all the subsequent fanfiction will most likely be, exploring all of their post-series finale shen-an-i-gans?? Yeah, that good kind. 

*head exploding*

Most of all, for the people out there who, like me, are thirsty for satisfaction, they will remain Team Free Will (hopefully 2.0), they will remain a family, they will remain. 

There may be new dynamics to work with, but they will still be them and they will remain as close as they ever were, with the promise of them all growing even closer, following each other’s continued progression as they all move into a new phase in their lives. But together.

3. Freedom of Choice

Cas choosing to become human would effectively demonstrate to us how he’s leaving behind the yoke of his previous sense of duty. 

Instead of praying for guidance, or relying on external forces to dictate what his actions should be, he’ll still be doing what has to be done, but he’ll be doing it purely reliant on his own personal view of the world and his place in it.

This would be a rather remarkable way to address how so many of his choices have been made under duress, either because he’s been manipulated into them without having the wherewithal to see through the manipulation (Crowley, Metatron, Lucifer) or because he’s simply felt lost, mistrusting his inner compass and unable to follow any gut instinct that would’ve otherwise been able to guide him.

In making the choice to become human, Cas would cast off his past, shake it off, as it were, and move into his future, free to take it as it comes in a way we’ve only seen him be once before. (as a human)

I suppose my hope is for our love story to grow into the text before the end, but I’m also very aware that we’re rapidly moving towards the 11th hour, and I doubt we’ll get a last-minute confirmation or the show ending on a kiss between them, because this show isn’t about them. 

What’s important to remember, however, is that the fear of happiness runs deep in Dean as well, and Cas has been shown to provide Dean with a source of happiness that he doesn’t get from anyone else, so if Dean’s journey is to end on a high note, and he’s to face his fear of true happiness  and believe he deserves to be loved and the reward being… not linked to Cas in any way? I have a very hard time seeing that happening. So, I have faith.

What I hope for, more than anything at this point, is for an ending definitive enough that we don’t have to wonder and we don’t have to make it up for ourselves. 

An ending that is open enough that we know they will continue on, something for us to build on, and we most likely and most happily will build on it for ages to come, no matter what we get (at least I will), but still, an ending, a conclusion, a statement.

Closure.

*for the love of Ash’s hair*

To Summarise

Here endeth my long speculation and gentle argumentation for Cas to choose humanity at the end of our remarkable narrative. 

To give a brief overview of the points I’ve tried to make (hopefully I’ve succeeded in making them) (whether you agree or not is a different matter) —>

In 15x18 Cas makes the choice to return to Heaven to act as commander of the (handful? or will Jack be able to make more as his powers grow without, you know, transforming human souls?) of angels still there and make a concerted effort to defend Heaven, while Dean, Sam and Jack rally the troops on Earth, and Rowena rally the armies of Hell (please!)

He gets his powers back because the choice is the right one to make as he narratively needs the perspective in order to truly decide who he is and who he wants to be, and the reward for that right choice is that he doesn’t have to face the final battle with broken wings

There’s an ET goes home callback that makes us all fucking cry when Dean and Cas say their goodbyes, Dean being supportive af because that would be awesome, showing his progression

All the while, Dean wishes, fervently, that Cas would just stay, and at some point it would be doubly awesome for him to vocalise this

There is the possibility that everyone understands that if they win this war with God, and things start going back to “normal”, the best thing for everyone would be for the gates of Heaven and of Hell to close, but this might also be something that’s realised once the war is won

(of course it will be won) (thank fuck)

So, either Dean and Cas’ goodbye makes us cry because there’s the understanding that Cas won’t be able to just flit back and forth between Heaven and Earth as he pleases and so it’s really goodbye

Or it makes us cry because it’s still the end of them, as Cas is bound for Heaven again, and their relationship seems to be reverting to S4 status like N-O P-L-E-A-S-E

But because the gates of Heaven are closing (or not) Cas is pushed into making this choice for himself, and naw, he’s not going to stay in Heaven

The moment he makes the choice to return to Earth as a human, the Empty shows up to claim him

But the loophole allows Cas to tell the Empty to fuck right off as Cas (or another angel) cuts out his grace and he falls back to Earth. (in his human vessel) (if Metatron can do it, then an archangel such as Mike or even someone like Naomi, if she comes back on the board, can do it) (eh?)

Cas reunites with the gang, Sam and Eileen are lovey dovey, Dean and Cas are happy for them, and either they part ways here, Sam staying with Eileen, Dean and Cas heading out to Baby, or they stay together, a family unit, with Jack as well, of course, and it’s not like everything is perfect and they’re surrounded by a white picket fence and there are butterflies fluttering, because there’s still evil in the world that needs to be hunted and fought and they’ll always have work to do, but we see them together and we just know they’ll be alright.

All is peace.

And we are done.

FADE TO BLACK.

Buh-LIEVE me, this detail spec is not what we’re getting and I know it isn’t, but I wanted to write it out to explain what I got in my head, why it felt viable to me, and why the worry that they’ll give Cas his wings back and pack him off to Heaven and leave him there made me feel the need to write down why that is just not a good idea. (!!)

Do I actually believe they would ever do that?

I actually don’t. But, by that same token, I don’t know they wouldn’t. And to calm myself, I had to write out why I actually don’t think they would. Because narratively I cannot see how it would ever actually work that he becomes fully-fledged and goes away. You know?

Either he’ll remain as he is, and the Empty, and the sad parts that come with him not actually self-actualising before our eyes will simply be what it is, and I’ll accept it as it is, yeah? 

Or he’ll become human.

He won’t die again. I just do not believe he will. But hey, I’ve been wrong before! That’s partly the fun of this. It’s always so satisfying when you get it even in the ballpark of close to what we actually get on the show. Mh mh goodness.

What’s interesting to me, though, is the whole callback to S8 idea that hasn’t really left me alone since it got in my head, because it would be so lovely and so heartbreaking and so poignant. For Dean to be put in a situation where he supports Cas’ choices and does so without hesitation, but where he also ends up being compelled to say something, to tell Cas he wishes Cas could stay, or hopes Cas will come back or anything that just speaks to how Dean has let Cas disappear one too many times without properly expressing how, maybe, Dean would rather Cas stuck around.

It would, of course, tie back to the prayer, and to how Dean was absolutely ready to look Cas in the eyes, even though there were less then three minutes left on that ticking clock, and tell Cas what he’d felt compelled to say when he thought he was losing him again. There was no need for Dean to repeat it in purgatory, but maybe that was foreshadowing for what’s yet to come.

Even with the impossibility of Cas actually staying, because they have a war to win and Cas is needed elsewhere, it would be lovely if this is the moment Dean makes it clear that, under different circumstances, Dean would have preferred it that Cas stayed.

And for Cas to, instead of having humanity thrust upon him, the way it was in S8 when Metatron tricked him and cut out his grace, getting to choose it this time, and choose it for himself. 

The ET goes home moment would reflect S8 kind of perfectly, but with an actually happy outcome, hinting at a new human!Cas arc and, for me, that would be as good as textual Destiel because they’re on fire in the human!Cas arc. Like, they are moving towards something actual and tangible, the way they’re flirting with each other in that bar. I don’t think there is a more endearing or adorable moment than Cas drinking his beer and paying Dean a compliment and giving him a wink. And Dean then returning the flirtation. 

Um. Yes, please.

By the way, let me make it absolutely clear that there’s no doubt in my mind that the culmination of the love story in no way is relying on Cas becoming human. This isn’t a They Both Have to Be Human to be Together argument, because Dean has been in love with Cas for a long time, long before the human!Cas arc. It doesn’t matter what form Cas takes, to Dean Cas is Cas. 

The question is one of obstacles. We ask ourselves: what’s been stopping them from actually being together this whole time?

To me, all the choices that the characters make throughout S9 is an enormous turning point for all of them, but especially Dean and Cas during the beginning of the season, as their choices give us so much of what they need to do, what aspects of themselves they have to address, if they’re ever to find their way out of self-destruction and self-doubt, and into self-worth, paving the way for them being able to believe they deserve the love that the other has been proffering for all these years, and actually seeing it in its true light, accepting it, trusting it, and returning it without any inhibition.

Add to that the already mentioned shared struggle, as Cas and Dean have always had a deeply rooted fear of happiness, and we can all see the obstacles they’ve had to overcome to get to a place where they can share a healthy relationship.

They have had to build that healthy relationship with themselves first, and the reward at the end: happiness and love. *fingers so damn crossed though*

It really would be beyond amazing if we have it textualised, however subtle it may be, by the end of the series, that they are each other’s happiness, and that, without the other, there’s not much happiness to be had. There’s moving on and there’s not giving up and there’s finding purpose outside this one relationship, of course, but a long and happy life?

Not so much. 

To me, this is a fact that has been covertly explored throughout the entirety of their joint arc, because whenever one of them disappears out of the other’s orbit, their progression pretty much crashes to an absolute halt, or even undergoes serious regression. I talked about that in that other long-ass meta I mentioned, so if you’re hungry for more… 

I digress.

My final point, really, is that getting to witness  Dean letting Cas go, supporting him returning to Heaven, and Cas rightly feeling compelled to fullfil his duty, because it will lead to him being granted the choice of who he truly wants to be, would be mind-blowing. And if it all leads to an underlining of how Dean is taking the narrative lesson of easing up on his need for control, learning to let go and trusting that it will be alright in the end, which then leads to the love of his life returning to him, and Dean, finally, understanding that this is what Cas always does - he may up and leave, but he also always returns.

Only, this time Cas is staying…

I mean. Right? Anything like this. Anything even in the vicinity of this. Oh my God. I’ll be dancing.

I’m intrigued by the fact that Cas is subtly set up as a blindspot for Chuck the Writer, who’s first draft when at Becky’s house doesn’t even mention Cas. I have a feeling Cas will be a pivotal ingredient in them winning this stand-off, as he’s proven himself to be already, throughout S15.

And I’m intrigued by the phrase that has occurred at least twice in our narrative since end of S14: I had to die to get what I want. 

Could Cas almost cutting out his “life force” and bringing himself to the brink of “death” (angelic, as it were) be foreshadowing for how his angelic side has to die in order for him to get what he wants? 

I guess we shall simply have to wait and see, eh?

End of the day, it’s a question of legacy. And I’m just very curious to see what sort of legacy the writers room are gearing up to leave us with. I have every faith - all the faith - that no matter what we get, it’s going to be

s p e c t a c u l a r.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Some Goddamn Curtains

When I was in college, I kept getting the compliment, “Wow, your room is really nice for a guy.”  I never understood what that meant for the longest time.  Then I actually paid attention to how most guys kept their dorm room. I once waited for a guy to get ready to head down to an event. I realized that I had never actually stepped foot in his room, much less even glanced inside of it. So when he stepped out and said he was ready to go, I leaned to the side over his shoulder and oh my god it was like downtown Baghdad during the worst of the Iraq War. Damn bruh, you live like this? I liked all my college roommates but the most untidiest one was in sophomore year. He left his toothbrush lying around in the open in a sock drawer, and it would end up somewhere else each night. Maybe he liked to play scavenger hunts to keep himself on his toes? He never put the DVDs back in their respective cases. I once couldn’t wait to watch Iron Man with a friend at their dorm, only to open the case once I got there and realize that my roommate had replaced it with Season 1 of Martin. He would also do this thing where he would drink a can of Coke (that I bought), not finish it, put it back in the fridge, then later open a new can of Coke that he didn’t feel like finishing, and rinse and repeat. First year roommate wasn’t that bad. Third year roommate was nearly as tidy as I was. Then in my fourth and final year I lived alone,  so my sense of the idea that “guys were messy” didn’t really hit me because I’ve only had one bad experience and chalked it up to “It was just that one guy”. I’m 31, and by now I have noticed people saying things like, “Oh my God I was actually thinking about what curtains I liked and I’m such an adult. This is what adult thinking is like. I’m adulting now.”

I hate hearing shit like that. I grew up blithely admitting liking things that an adult would “normally like”, such as curtains. The curtains thing came up in high school when I hung out at the senior lounge. The senior lounge was this bare room that looked like it was meant for old people to sit and play bingo. It was boring and dull and I hated it. It felt more lke a prison cafeteria really, with some worn out couches. I would bring my video games to that lounge, namely GoldenEye 007, to play with friends during our free period.  The room didn’t have any curtains, so at a certain time in the afternoon, the sun would beat down directly onto the screen, making it difficult to see properly. A lot of us would squint and move closer or lean forward.  I then said, “This room needs some curtains.”

A pause, and then someone replied, “Did you just say this room needs curtains?” And I was like, “Yeah. Maybe something blue. Something dark.”

And he looked at me and scoffed, and all the other guys did the same - they gave me this funny sideways glance and scoffed. I asked what the problem was, but they mostly shook their heads in disbelief. I was frankly annoyed by their response. So I said, louder, “This room needs some goddamn curtains”, because I thought it was perfectly fucking reasonable that a person would logically do something about the fucking glare from the fucking sun. Maybe they liked blinds better. Who knows? But it took me ages to fully realize two things:  1. It’s not socially acceptable for boys to be interested in style - whether it be about living spaces or clothes. I was fiercely made fun of for the clothes I wore as a kid throughout young adult life. I hated all kinds of t-shirts. I think growing up thin and gangly made me too self-aware of my arms. But I never specifically wanted to wear anything that had a band name or a company logo or even my favorite video game or movie. I would feel like a walking advertisement, and that would piss me off. I often liked ties, long-sleeved shirts, and sweaters. I never left the house in sweatpants or pajamas. I always had to comb my hair and put on a good shirt. Sweatpants were when you worked out or worked around the house fixing things.  I grew up in Catholic school, so we had uniforms. On dress down days, my classmates would come up to me and say, “Eddie, you were supposed to dress DOWN, not up” or “I can’t believe you’re wearing that on a dress down day!”.  I didn’t have a problem with people dressing how they dressed. Sure I was never into the goth thing, but I didn’t want to judge. I just wanted to dress how I wanted to dress. And maybe I was influenced in some way by how my parents dressed me up, and maybe other times I did feel embarrassed, but I knew that at the end of the day I would wear what felt most comfortable to me. Sometimes my mom would give me a sweater that was a tad too bland, so I went to the bathroom once I got to school and took it off. I would like the polo but untucked it and unbuttoned the top buttons. Half-and-half. Right idea, but lemme wear it like this instead. College was really when I started to develop my everyday style, my “main outfit”, like a video game character. I always wore some untucked button-down shirt with a tie, jeans, and sneakers. I liked it. It was this weird blend of dressing up and dressing down. People my age thought I was overdressed but my parents and people over 50 complained that I was underdressed. It was great! It feels so special to piss off both sides! My parents still remember the time I got an award at college and I went up the stage wearing that getup. You look at the picture and see the students standing side-by-side in nice dresses and dockers, and then there’s me wearing jeans and sneakers with a shirt and tie.  There always seemed to be this false dichotomy for how men should look and be - either the dapper “metrosexual” man who was slightly effeminate or the rough-and-tumble strong man who didn’t need to use an umbrella when it rained and never cared to fix his hair because that’s some “gay shit” for silly city folk. That false dichotomy is always played out in media. There’s a million buddy cop movies about the book-smart guy who is suave and sophisticated teaming up with the street-smart guy who is all muscle and manly and goes for the more practical route. Yin and Yang. Hot and cold. Good cop and bad cop. Lucky and Wild. Tango and Cash. But growing up I thought, “Why not both?” I loved watching James Bond as much as I loved watching Indiana Jones. Why couldn’t I be both if I really wanted to? It fit me best to play both roles. I AM GOING TO MIX THESE TWO THINGS AND YOU CAN’T FUCKING STOP ME! I WILL BE BOTH BOOK-SMART AND STREET-SMART. I KNOW THE QUADRATIC EQUATION AND HOW TO CON SOMEONE. THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM.  The fucking worst though is being an adult now and hearing women wish they knew a guy who “dressed properly”, and men complimenting my clothes saying I look sharp.

Fuck all of you, honestly. 2. Young people are afraid to admit they like things that adults like. I grew up with extended family members living in cozy homes. I liked to admire their grandfather clocks, their decanters, their entertainment center, their offices and their chairs. I liked to wander around their houses during the holidays and poke my nose into their closets and admire old things. Maybe it’s something that an only-child might relate to the most. I wasn’t required or asked to be upstairs to attend a younger or older sibling. The adults just did their own thing and so I wandered off. Ikea always tickled my fancy as a kid. I would wander through the model rooms of offices and bedrooms and bathrooms, and I found whatever felt coziest to me and pretended that I was home. Better yet, I sometimes daydreamed that the entire Ikea facility was my home. How about that? Tired of sleeping on the bunk bed? Go to the next room to the big bed. I feel like cooking in that kitchen today, not this one. Some days I’ll feel more serious and work in the wooden office desk and other days I’ll feel silly and be in the kids room. I’ll take the whole building, please. This is where I live now. Swedish meatballs for dinner and creamy European chocolate bars for dessert every day. Young people fear being old and facing responsibilities. That doesn’t mean you liking these things makes you older. Taste and style is part of who you are, and there’s no shame if you have an interest in some bath mats or a nice decanter when you’re 20 or 17.

When I lived in my single dorm back in senior year of college, I realized that I was truly living alone for the first time. It brought some sanity to me that I didn’t know I needed. I was able to organize things how I saw fit, and hosted parties whenever I wanted. If I felt like something needed adjusting, I didn’t need to ask anybody’s permission. I really started exploring my sense of style and taste. As I grew up, I developed really specific tastes about where I would live: 1. Everything has to make sense. The placement of shelves, TVs, desks, dressers, paintings, pictures, all have to feel like they are easily viewed and accessible without needing to awkwardly turn to face them or reach them.  2. Symmetry is not always necessary but still good to fall back on when you don’t know what to do. 3. I never liked to sit with my back to the window(s) or the door. I always needed to see who or what was going to approach me or look at me.  4. TVs should never go on top of fireplaces.  5. Always have some kind of drawing room for guests to wait.  6. Never put your keys or sensitive documents in the foyer, drawing room, or wherever else strangers can easily find them the minute they walk into the house.  7. Open concept is pretentious.  8. It is far easier to cook if you have an island in the kitchen.  9. McMansions are the bane of style. Fake balconies, fake shutters, brick facades - everything about them is evil.  10. Get some goddamn curtains.

[jonghours]

ATEEZ Diary album and AR photocards analysis

Finally got my albums and got to see what all these asks I got about the diary were asking me about so I’m going to go through all the entries and try to make sense out of them! I’ll theorize about the AR photocard bonus stories at the end, since they all take place after the events of the Diary Film and the entries on the diaries.

A INTRO: The time passing by, our dreams 

This entry takes place after the Diary Film. It mostly describes the memories the members shared in their hideout.

“This is our onw space. Laughing, crying, arguing, dancing, and singing. A space where our dreams came together. Our hideout, our own world, separating us form the adult world”

I highlighted the word adult because the main point of this new series is how much ATEEZ want to hold onto their youth and dreams.

“Right now, it is a moment void of compromises and tameness. It is the moment before we opened that door”

That last line indicates this entry takes place after ATEEZ opened the door to a new world.

01 HONGJOONG: I don’t want to be forgotten as if I never existed

This entry gives us more insight about Hongjoong’s reason to join the group. As I wrote on my Diary Film analysis, all the members stories introduce the reasons that brought them together to pursue their dream: music. Back then Hongjoong’s was too subtle, but it becomes clearer here.

”Once I become a bright star that can be seen from everywhere, like those people on TV, will my family notice me? Even if it were by coincidence, I wish I could meet them at least once. If my family could come together like before... I miss the warmth of my living room”

It seems like Hongjoong’s family broke apart time before the events of the Diary take place. He’s definitley not an orphan, as he wishes to meet them once again. We don’t know why but Hongjoong’s family abandoned him and left it alone. It seems like Hongjoong’s motive to pursue music is to be an artist, and get noticed by his family in the hopes that they can get reunited once again.

“My family scattered around and here I am with my new family I made while living alone... [...] My family, the music I love, our dreams... We must keep them”

02 SEONGHWA: She, who was dancing to the beat

Seonghwa’s entry doens’t give us more insight into his story than what I already wrote about on the Diary Film analysis.

“She was moving as if nothing mattered anymore. Common sense, Rules, and this though world didn’t have power over her moves. Right this moment, my world broke around this snowy road”

Is it weird that I was interested in the snow? I know is probably just a minor detail, but I find it interesting that they added it since there was no snow in the Diary Film. I think it serves as way of putting everything in chronological order, since the weather is mentioned a lot on the diary entries.

“Ever since that day, I went to the same place at the same time. But, she never came back. I didn’t know her name or her address. Just like the “Be Free” bracelet she wore, she freed herself away [...] Since then, music never sounded the same again”

As I mentioned before, the Girl becomes a source of inspiration to Seonghwa, and he’s moved by what she represents. He wishes he could find her again and grasp that feeling, but the time never comes, because that’s what she ultimatley represents.

 03 YUNHO: Weather is clear

Unlike the others (except Yeosang) this is literally a diary entry. I believe Yunho is writing this diary to communicate with his brother. Obviously not literally, but is a way for him to put the things he wants to say to him in order.

"Hey brother, you look like you are in such a good mood today! The weather is so good as well. Even though I was running to see you, I didn’t feel the heat. [...] It has been a while since I took out your broken guitar. I wanted to get rid of it because it always reminded me of a broken side of you. [...] I just left it out of sight because it seemed like you abandoned your dream”

As it was confirmed during Air Con, it was indeed Yunho’s brother who had an accident, and to me this sounds like Yunho’s brother abandoned his dream before that happened. Yunho seems to have hidden that guitar from him when he abandoned his dream and didn’t want him to see it again, but after he had the accident, he put it out again.

“I have a friend like you in my team. His name is Hongjoong. He is the kind of person I would go to when things get tough [...] I avoid thinking about these painful memories and instead I am focusing on the dreams you couldn’t achieve. I will make them happen; the boys and I will make them happen.”

As I theorized before, Yunho’s brother’s dream was related to music. Yunho even mentions doing street performances together at Han River. At some point his bother gave up, so Yunho wants to make it happen for him. 

Also good news, Yunho’s bother isn’t dead!!

“When the time time comes, you must wake up from the long hibernation. I want to show you all of it! I’ll be back tomorrow. Good night!”

Yunho’s brother seems to be in a coma, so Yunho goes to visit him everyday. I think maybe the message Yunho receives is either related to the acccident, or might be bad news about his brother’s state. Both of those theories could trigger Yunho’s recalling of the accident. Still have no solid theory about Mingi.

 04 YEOSANG: Just like a midsummer night’s dream

Yeosang’s diary entry gives a lot of new details about his personality, and I think maybe a clue about his role in the bigger picture. Also is important to note that the FEVER: Part One track “Dear Diary: 2017.07.29″ belongs to Yeosnag’s diary. The lyrics fit his writing prompt, and ahead there is a part that also fits the lyrics.

But going back to Yeosang, he has a very perfectly planned life, and the only thing he finds personal pleasure in is fixing things.

“I was never too good with mechanincs. It all started when I dismantled the speaker. Everytime I felt stuffy, I would disassemble various appliances or instruments and then reassemble them back together.”

I highlighted the speaker part because it reminded me of Jongho’s Diary scene. Probably nothing but I found it interesting.

Yeosnag must have been looking for things to break apart in the area where the hideout was, and that’s how he met the members, and that’s how he found a new love for music.

“My parents had everything planned for me: doing the same routine at the exact time. The only time I could go out of this cycle was when I disassembled and reassembled things. Thanks to this weird habit I met the guys. That day in that shabby warehouse a group of guys I’d normally run away from, asked me if I knew how to work a drone. This whole encounter was a little strange! [...] The sound of music is what brought me to that place. From that day on, I went everyday”

Now here is where this diary entry connects to the “Dear Diary” intro. The words in bold are the ones that are part of “Dear Diary”. 

“For the first time, hearts pounding like it’s about to burst and this tingling feeling coming up from my fingertips started to take over me. Was there a moment when I wanted something this bad? One by one more kids started to say my name. The path that I slowly walked with one antoher person became a path to many. Slowly, the word ‘I’, became ‘ours’ (us)”

This makes it official that Yeosang is the owner of the diary being read in the album intro. Also, the person writing the english parts seems a little bit off with it at times, especially in the AR photocards. I think what it was meant to say at the end is “us”, not “our”, since they are the same word in Korean, so it might have slipped the translator.

Now, I believe this is very important. Because Yeosang was forced to give up on the boys because of his parents. 

“Dancing was such a mind-blowin activity. Even if I saw my parent’s worried faces flashing before my eyes, I just could stop. [...] However now I must leave the ‘our’ (us). If I back out everything will be back to normal, the scattered members and the stolen hideout. I’m sorry, guys” 

I wonder if this is why ATEEZ is trying to rescue the trapped Yeosang in Say My Name. Following the Inception concept theory, they might have entered Yeosang’s dream to try and rescue him, because as it was said before, Yeosang is a central piece to the story. Maybe it has something to do with his ability to build things?

05 SAN: I don’t know

Oh boy do I have some things to ask to San. This is by far the story that annoys me the most and is probably stupid but.... well you’ll see. His entry starts with him complaining about being unable to connect with people before having to leave them.

“[...] I’ve never had time to open up. Every time I got closer to someone, I had to move. It’s happening again today. But this time is a little different. Now I have friends to talk to about my feelings. As soon as I saw them, I knew right off the bat, they were like me”

“Oh, Seonghwa was a little different. He never tried to do anything the traditional way, he was always “HIS” way”

This is in capital letters, and I can’t help to think that the members who are mentioned by others give clues as to what “side” they are on later on in the story. The way he mentions Seonghwa like that but doens’t bring it up again, could fit in my theory that Seonghwa takes a bigger role in another part of the story.

“Can I just leave like that now that I have a place of my own... What should I say to Wooyoung? Thanks to him, thanks to my friends, I was able to perfect my dance moves”

Wooyoung is a very popular member in the story, as expected of the person that so far has been proved to be the most central member to the storyline.

And now..... let’s talk about that

“Bobo, what should I do? What? You want me to do it “MY” way?”

Now, who in the ever-living-hell is Bobo. It’s a given name, since he refers to them as “Bobo-yah”. And if you think it’s just a passing comment, sadly for me, it isn’t!!! just wait and look at his AR card later!!

 06 MINGI: the sound of his laughter

Here we have someone else talking about Wooyoung. Honestly I was surprised people asked me about Woosan as a ship being important because San mentioned him once (1) but Mingi’s story is entirely dedicated to Wooyoung and his laugh and people decided to ignore it for the sake of their own narrative but ANYWAYS

“Music was my haven, my escape, my one and only relief. When I feel like dying, I listen to music”

“Only a few friends names you remember through elementary, middle and high school. [...] No one talked to me, but that is mainly because I didn’t answer if they try talking to me. But Wooyoung was different. Not that I remember [...] Wooyoung would always come next to me during every break. Whether I answer or not. He would go on with his stories [...] and that music team he works with outside of school. He always tops it with a signature smile of his, which naturally made me laugh. Out of shyness, I started calling him “Woo-ong. Ah that laugh of his. He was the first friend I opened up to”

So we have someone else who owes a lot to Wooyoung. I wonder if this is why we see Mingi breaking the chains that restrain Wooyoung during WONDERLAND. This will come back later.

“[...] It was around that time too when I followed him to the hideout for the first time; the place where I could dream. They were friends who took me as I am. They accepted me as who I am, regardless of where I live who my parents were. But now I’m getting scared, can I really have a dream? Will it not be taken away from me?”

This is Mingi doubting if he’s allowed to have dreams since he’s not in a position where he can allow himself to have such lavish dreams. And so the fight with Jongho happened.

 07 WOOYOUNG: It’s different this time

 I love how Wooyoung’s diary entries are subtle flexes.

“Will I fail again? When I was practicing and dancing alone, I was pretty confident! My practice video on social media has reached over 100.000 views. Many people contacted me and even big entertainment agencies offered me to audition for them. But once I felt their look towards me, I just couldn’t move [...] I closed my eyes trying to escape, and then Seonghwa’s voice popped in my head. I felt their presence even though they were nowhere to be seen”

This is probably what we saw on the Diary Film, different setting but definitely what is supposed to represent on those flahbacks. Once again Seonghwa seems to stand out among the other members when it comes to his way of doing things.

"I had a habit of overchatting to overcome stage fright and I practiced laughing to hide my shyness. It was a defense mechanism of mine to focus”

I just found this cute because it means he was nervous about Mingi back then.

“The firs time I met Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho were at the street performance [...] When I danced with them I wasn’t self-conscious. My legs are tense. The first step, the step that I was never able to do, the chain that was trying my body, was magically released"

The chain thing again! I mentioned in my Inception post how it’s tied to WONDERLAND, at least definitley by the concept of Inception in on itself.

 08. JONGHO: I had it all planned

Finally we find out why Jongho beat Mingi on the Diary Film! Here Jongho recalls how he felt after he was forced to give up on basketball, his first dream.

“I felt like I was drowning. No matter how hard I tried, I was still stuck in the exact same spot [...] everything inside me was lifeless, as good as being dead”

“That lifeless look, before Yunho grabbing my hand, looked so much like me. My hand is throbbing from the pain. Mingi clealry saw the fist coming his way but didn’t try to avoid it. His lifeless eyes are still haunting me. When Mingi said he would quit, that our dream was a luxury, and that the time we spent together meant nothing to him, I couldn’t stand but to punch him. Funny enough, it was a heart-brekaing moment for me but also the time I started dreaming again. At that time, I didn’t know how to reach out to a lost Mingi. Where are we, where should we go?”

So Mingi decided to give up on his dream because he felt giving up on it before it was stripped away from him by the tough reality of his situation, and so Jongho couldn’t stand it.

Z OUTRO: Into the New World

The title here proves how ahead the staff was with thin concept even before ATEEZ was created. If you remember, ATEEZ was going to be named “New World”, so this proves that this concept already existed even before the group was created. Now, just like the Diary Film, this is told from Hongjoong’s prespective again.

“Even though I lost my dream and my family again, there was nothing I could do. Everyone left and here I am, lost again”

He recalls how little by little, all the members drifted apart.

“On a summer day [...] we decided to go our separate ways”

Now I wonder if this, the day they went their separate ways, is the date on the diary, July 29, 2016. This could also be the date of the entry in Yeosnag’s diary, as well as the “Dear Diary” intro, which as we found out, is the day he decided to abandon them.

“All because our dream of being together have become like shackles that hold us down. The scorhcing sun melted away even our dream of youth and made it disappear [...] Even if, not often, the promises we made were pushed back day by day, and we forgot about each other. It was around that time when I began seeing him in my dreams”

“The man in the fedora [...] a somehow familiar, but tired eyes”

Now, this is supposed to be Hongjoong, even if he himself said he wasn’t aware it was supposed to be him.

“You lost your dream not because of the tough reality, but because you guys decided to. Get rid of the idea that the world you see is everything. There are many dimensions and many relaities in this world. The world I am in, the world you are in, are all real. I want to tell you everything, but I don’t have much time right now”

so HALAteez really seem to be on ATEEZ’s side. At least here, because during SMN, Hongjoong said their role was to stop Real ATEEZ. And now, the big reveal! Turns out the hourglass has a name, and it’s The Cromer.

 “The Cromer. The key to connecting the world. [...] Follow your heart. The map is there”

 That’s when HALAteez disappears, and we go back to the end of the Diary Film.

“I fell asleep in the hideout where no one was looking for me. [...] Wasn’t it a dream? While looking at the Cromer I inadvertently turned it around. The sand in the hourglass started to flow from bottom to top. The iron door then opened and I could hear the footsteps coming closer one by one. The guys then gathered around me with the smae puzzled face”

The highlighted parts are what the secret code in the ANSWER albums say.

Now, onto the AR photocards. As I said before, these take place in the future of the Diary Film events. (thank you so much to @honggers for helping me find them!!)

HONGJOONG

"Cromer... The treasure that made us dream again. The one who appeared in our dreams, and because of Cromer lying in front of my eyes when I woke up from my dream, I was able to protect the members. Though it was difficult and lonely at times, I was able to endure these days thanks to our members. Therefore, everything became all of mine and when the members began scattering away I had a heartache so painful I wanted to die. Though I might not know what lies ahead of me, the most important part of my life than this new world is our members who I cherish like family and continue to protect in our dream”

Okay so all the things highlighted in there make me think that this version of Hongjoong seems very intense. The members are all he has and this sounds like he would go as far as he could to keep them together. Could he go as far as to keep them in a dream against their will?

SEONGHWA

“Those who knew me would have never thought that I will be in this place. In fact, they can’t even imagine the existence of this place... I am.. No! We are here with fear and also, excitement. Each day was full of mystery. What will happen today? My knowledge about common sense, different logic and numbers faded away, just like the day I first saw her”

This is the first time “this place” is mentioned, which I’m pretty sure refers to either a diferent dimension or the illusion they have sunken themselves into.

YUNHO

"Brother how is everything? Can you see this place where I am at? I’m going to believe you are watching me. This place is unique yet fmailiar. In no doubt I can assure you that this place is not the same place you and I dreamt of. You can’t really hear the music here. In fact, I don’t see anyone here who feels happy about lsitening to music. So, we want to sing to the people here and of course with great choreography. Brother, I miss you.”

Now, Yunho is the first member that seems unhappy here. He misses his brother, he really wants to go back to him at some point. And also, this is not the dream Yunho had in mind, this is not the dream his brother had, which was his main reason to join the group. Maybe Yunho is having second thoughts.

YEOSANG

"Father, I’m walking on a path that I might never be able to return from again. I used to only walk on a clear and pretty path, where there’s not even a single peck of pebbles to be seen. But now, as I walk down an uneven path, my feet keep throbbing. Though my feet are killing me, my heart is in a state of tranquility. I feel like I’m free from your world. I am able to express this new freedom that I’ve never experienced before. Though I love you and mother, I wasn’t happy at all the in the world that you and mother were in. With my friends, I am now going to the place that I chose.”

Yeosnag seems very happy whenever they are, but the part in which he says “might never be able to return from again” might be a problem for other members.

SAN

“I laughed all the time because I never relaly got too close. Actually, I had to say farewell before I even got close. Then I met again. This is what the word “friend” meant to me. Therefore, the only friend that I can open up to was my friend Bobo, who was always there beside me. I’ve never been away so long with Bobo. I’m worried if Bobo is eating well or not... Hopefully, Bobo is worried about me as well. Hey Bobo, I am on a starnge journey with my first real friends. I’m not too sure how I am here or where I am but don’t worry too much. I will be back. I promise.”

Who the fuck is Bobo. Who the fuck is Bobo who thE FUCK!!

At first it didn’t seem that important but San’s whole AR photocard is dedicated to them!! And just like with Yunho, San is determined to come back for Bobo, so he too might have trouble with the “never coming back” part of the journey. I think Bobo might be a pet, or a doll, an imaginary friend (?) he did say “real friends” so...

MINGI

“I want this moment to last forever. The moment I had with my friends and being able to feel joy and happiness. I almost ruined it all. If I had not been here, I wouldn’t be able to get it back. No matter where this palce is, it doens’t matter what happens from now on.”

Another member who doens’t seem to want this to end, ever. I wouldn’t be surprised, since Mingi and Hongjoong get a lot of visual shots together. 

WOOYOUNG

"Today was the day I was supposed to sign the contract. It was actaully a good oportunity that people would envy. It was a chance to debut in a big company and a success story in front of my eyes.  But what’s the point of doing this, when I can’t go back. What if I can go back? Hmm... Let’s not think about it. Friends will mock me.”

Okay, first of all. Flex. 

Second, this is what Wooyoung meant by “taking the easy way out” on his prompt, he could have had it easy, but instead chose the memebers. Also... Wooyoung what are you thinking? Does he know about the Cromer? He said “friends will mock me” so does that mean he knew about a way of coming back before even Hongjoong was offered the Cromer? After all, Wooyoung is carrying the Cromer during ANSWER, and he seems to be attached to it. Once again, Wooyoung is a central piece of the story, but he’s teasing us once again.

JONGHO

"An empty court, basketball, teammates, everything during my teens. I saw myself when I gave up all this through the loneliness look in Mingi’s eyes. At that time, my eyes would have been the same. I wanted to talk to him. Don’t give up, and I’m sorry. I came here all of a sudden without even be able to talk to him. My heart aches more when Mingi showed his kindness towards me as if nothing happened”

So Jongho and Mingi are back to being friends. The girls aren’t fighting anymore. There is peace.

THE MAN WITH THE BLACK FEDORA

“What’s the point of keeping these dreams when we have to give up things that matter?” “Is this that worth even where I have to let go of myself?” Whatever the answer is, it is your own decision”

I believe these questions are being asked by either Hongjoong or the members. They have to give up not only their lives, but it seems that they have to give up a part of themselves. Could that be when their lyrics wonder about who or where they are, or if anyhting is real at all?

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Things We Didn't Tell You...

Harry Potter- Set during the first war

Summary:  Hiding your relationship with Sirius from your brother Remus was a bad idea from day one. Now he's finding out that and other secrets that the two of you have kept.

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader

Rating: M- for future chapters

_____

She’s off-limits! It's too dangerous.

Sirius’ eyes snapped open as Remus’ words echoed in his head. He knew that hiding his relationship with you from his friend was wrong. Remus would be furious when he found out. If he tried to kill him, Sirius wouldn’t be surprised! You were the younger sister that Remus swore to protect. Now here you were fooling around with one of his brother’s best friends.

It's because of your reputation.

Sirius thought calmly. He knew that fact perfectly well. Had it been James or Peter that wanted to be your lover, Remus may have been a bit more accepting. Sirius, no matter how much Remus cared for him, never would have gotten his friend’s approval. He was too wild, a womanizer, and too involved with the order. Sirius understood. Had the roles been reversed and he was in Remus’ shoes; Sirius would have said a big hell no but that thought alone didn’t stop him from falling in love with you.

All it took was one look from your beautiful green eyes and Sirius was hooked. He would have done anything that you asked. Roll around in a puddle of mud? Spoil you senseless? Whatever you asked was yours. That was what led to the current predicament. The two of you had been in a secret relationship for over 2 years. Both of you decided that it was best to just act as friends around the people that you cared about the most.

“Thinking about tomorrow?”

You asked, tiredly. You had woken up a few moments ago and noticed Sirius looking at the ceiling with that look. You had seen that dark expression on his face too many times in the past year.

“How could I not be? We are literally about to get our asses handed to us.”

You slowly sat up and laid your head on his shoulder. He wasn’t joking in the slightest and you knew it. You would have killed for one of his jokes at the moment.

“Maybe Remus will take it okay? He could have just been giving the ceremonial overprotective brother speech to scare any man from wanting me.”

Sirius chuckled.

“Didn’t work well, did it?”

You were relieved when Sirius smiled. He was right. It didn’t work in the slightest! Maybe, in ways, Remus’ actions drove you into Sirius’ waiting arms.

“Not really. There’s no way we can hide it anymore though. I am sick of hiding too.”

You said, sadly. 2 years of hiding had been exhausting! You hated having to “keep up appearances.” Sirius had to flirt with any woman he could find so Remus and the others wouldn’t grow suspicious. He couldn’t go from man whore to totally disinterested in the female race altogether.

Your eyes froze on the baby blanket at the foot of the bed. That was the other reason that Sirius and yourself couldn't hide any longer. Your 9-month-old daughter Demelza lay sleeping peacefully a few feet away.

None of your friends even knew of her existence. You had expertly hidden your pregnancy the whole time. No one seemed to have the foggiest idea of what was going on underneath your dresses.

Sirius had been in Ireland keeping an eye on some death eater activity when you found out about your condition. You had conned the others into thinking that you were going to France when in fact you were going to Ireland. Sure, it probably wouldn't have made more sense to come clean once you found out that you were pregnant but the two of you were so freaked out...telling didn’t happen.

When Sirius received the letter to come back to London the week before it was time to face the fact that it was time to face the music. There would be no way that you could show back up to London with a baby who looked extraordinarily like her father with little to no explanation. Remus was too smart for his own good and would put 2 and 2 together within seconds.

“I’ve been sick of hiding for a long time.”

Sirius replied. He was silent for a few moments before taking your hand in his.

“I’m not scared of facing your brother. What bothers me is the fact that I have essentially been lying to him for two years.”

You slowly looked up from your place on his shoulder.

“I have too. Look, we did what we did because we both know that Remus would have flipped.”

“It's not like he can stop us from being together now.”

Sirius whispered. Mentally, he thanked Demelza for showing up when she did. Never in a million years did he plan on having a child but when you told him that you were pregnant...nothing else mattered. All Sirius cared about at that point was keeping you healthy and safe.

Yes, it would have been nice to have the support of his friends (especially James) at that particular point in his life. There had been many nights that Sirius and yourself sat outside of Demelza’s nursery at 3 am waiting for the baby to scream herself to sleep. The two of you had done everything to make the baby sleepy and nothing worked.

“Is she ever going to stop crying?”

Sirius muttered peaking through the cracked door to see his very angry daughter, not the least bit interested in sleeping. Instead, she was sitting up, rearranging how everything was in her crib. She was being a bit more dramatic than necessary.

“I don’t know what else to do. We’ve fed her like every 30 minutes for the past two hours. We’ve changed her. Now she is in there throwing a hissy fit like her father.”

Sirius gave you a scowl.

“Now we know why we have had to change her so much. We are never going to sleep again, are we?”

You sighed and put your head against the door.

“I don’t think so. Too bad we can’t bribe her yet.”

Sirius chuckled, wishing that he could get Lily over. She was great with kids. Of all people, she could figure out what the problem was.

“Already tried.”

He confessed.

“She doesn't seem to be the least bit interested.”

Sirius smiled at the memory. Luckily, both of you had gotten a lot better with getting Demelza to sleep when she didn’t want to.

“We should try to get some sleep. 6 am comes early.”

The morning did in fact come earlier than expected. Sirius and yourself stood outside of James and Lily’s house looking at the door like two naughty children. Sirius motioned to the door while adjusting Demelza in his arms.

“Well...what are we waiting for?”

You blinked, giving him the sassiest expression ever. It didn’t matter that the situation was so grave; Sirius still thought that expression was the cutest thing ever. He had already seen Demelza give him that expression far too many times.

“So, that is where she gets that look.”

You smiled and finally knocked on the door.

“Out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Sirius’ amused expression quickly vanished and the dark one returned.

The moment the door opened, James stood on the other side. His face went from joy to see his best friend to sheer confusion.

“Uh, have I missed something?”

Sirius nodded.

“It's what you are thinking.”

Sirius said, softly. James looked between the two of you a couple of times. He clearly had no idea what to say. James had been looking forward to Sirius coming back to London for some time. Now here he stood with Remus Lupin’s sister and a baby.

“Whoa. I was totally not expecting this. She looks just like you, mate.”

That was all that Sirius needed to hear to know that James wasn’t mad. In fact, he looked down right giddy. This was the last thing that James had expected! He had expected Sirius to just be the fun godfather that had no interest in children of his own. Now here he stood holding a baby.

“Harry will have a little friend. Think about a few years from now when school time comes…”

Sirius smiled.

“Poor Minnie is going to cry. There are two more of us.”

James turned his attention to you.

“Off to France, huh? That was clever and sneaky. I am impressed. I knew that you were more than just some bookworm.”

You couldn’t help but smile at that. Being more than a bookworm was always a joke that James lovingly made in your direction.

“I can be sneaky.”

You said with a smile.

“Is Remus here?”

You asked. James' amused expression vanished. He knew that the two of you would have to face Remus and it probably wasn’t going to be pretty. Remus was in a mood from the full moon anyway now he was about to find out that his best friend and sister ran off and had a baby.

James had a good idea about how nervous you had to be. From the time that James met you, you had always been your brother’s pet. If someone messed with you, they had to deal with Remus and of course the rest of his friends. You were the same way about your brother in turn. James and Sirius always accredited your overprotective mothering to Remus’ furry little problem.

“He is. I’ll play middle man.”

James said with a smile.

The walk into the dinning room seemed to take forever. James glanced at the two of you. It didn’t take him being Sirius’ best friend to know that he was nervous. The smooth cocky demeanor that Sirius normally possessed was nowhere to be found.

James stepped into the dining room first. Remus was busy reading a book. He didn’t even notice his friend's absence. It was Lily, who was holding Harry, that looked up.

“What took so long? Where is Sirius?”

James faked a smile as Remus looked up. His friend looked extremely tired but curious as to what was going on.

“So...I want you all to keep an open mind about what you are about to see.”

“I don’t like conversations that start this way.”

Remus said warily. James nodded as he reached behind him and opened the door.

The moment that Sirius and yourself stepped in, both Lily and Remus’ mouths dropped. Both looked between the two of you as they clearly put everything together.

“What’s going on here?”

Remus asked. His voice was already beginning to tremble. You stepped forward shutting Sirius off from being able to start talking.

“It's what it looks like, Remus.” Your brother ran a hand over his face. He was getting angrier by the second and you could see it. You could also see that he was ill.

It's too close to the moon.

You thought as he stood.

“How long has this been going on?”

Sirius wrapped his free arm around your waist to hold you against him.

“Two years.”

You said, calmly.

Remus meanwhile, was a stone short of going into a tizzy. He had specifically told Sirius that you were off limits. You were too young to be in a committed relationship and Sirius had no idea what a committed relationship was.

Now here the two of you stood saying that there had been some ultra secret two year relationship that resulted in a niece that Remus had no idea of.

“You’re telling me that the two of you have been in a relationship and have a baby? Was it too hard for the two of you to send a letter? Talk to me in person? Sirius, this is the most backhanded lowly thing that you could have…”

You quickly stepped in.

“Remus don’t say something that you will regret later.”

You tried to keep your voice calm and even. Yelling at Remus when he was in this state would get no one anywhere.

“I won’t regret this…”

Remus started. Sirius, meanwhile, noticed how shaky his friend was.

“Remus, you should sit…”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

Remus yelled. Sirius raised an eyebrow. This was probably the angriest that he had ever seen Remus Lupin. The voice of reason was now the one that was ready to kick ass.

“Do you have to have every woman, Sirius? When are you going to start having an affair with someone else or have you already gotten bored with Y/n?”

“Stop it!”

Sirius snapped. Remus didn’t back down. Remus knew that he needed to calm down but he couldn't. His eyes went to his niece. The little girl had Sirius’ shirt clasped in one pudgy fist. Her grey eyes were watching her uncle’s every move.

“I’ve got to get out of here!”

Remus snapped as he turned and walked out of the opposite door with a huff. James took a deep breath.

“And there we have it.”

He turned his attention to Sirius who was looking gloomily at the place where Remus stood. James put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder.

“He’ll be alright. You know that he didn’t mean what he said.”

“Yeah, he did.”

Sirius replied. James absentmindedly scratched the back of his head.

“Just give him some time. Now let me hold the baby.”

Sirius gently put Demelza in James’ arms. James smiled looking down at her. He saw you and Remus in the little girl’s serious expression. She quickly looked back to her father as if keeping an eye on him.

“He isn’t going anywhere.”

James said, softly.

“What’s her name?”

“Demelza.”

You replied. Lily had stood up and joined her husband in admiring the little girl.

“That’s lovely. She is lovely.”

James let Lily have her turn with the little girl. He turned back to Sirius and yourself.

“Did you tell your parents?”

Sirius shook his head.

“They are the last people that I would tell anything.”

James nodded.

“Probably for the best. Come on, let's go get a drink.”

Sirius leaned down and kissed your cheek before following James out of the room.

Lily meanwhile, turned to you.

“Come sit down, love. You look exhausted.”

You sighed.

“I don’t sleep much. Sirius and I were both worried about how Remus was going to take it...I knew that it was going to be a disaster.”

Lily used her free hand to hold yours.

“Y/n, he was probably shocked. I was. Let him calm down. This is Remus that we are talking about. We all know how much he loves you.”

Lily was silent for a moment before looking back to you.

“Why didn’t you write James and I? We would have been there with you two the whole way.”

You looked down at your feet feeling suddenly depressed.

“We were afraid that you two would tell Remus. Sirius and I didn’t know who to tell him...it all kind of went out of control. We were going to tell him before I got pregnant. When I found out, we both panicked...to say the least.”

Lily understood. She wasn’t upset with either of you.

“I just hate the thought of you giving birth in a hospital without any support. How did Sirius handle it?”

Lily was relieved when you giggled.

“He panicked a few times. I almost had to tell him to sit down and shut up.”

Lily shook her head with a smile.

“I would have liked to have seen that. Should you two have any more children...I want to witness it.”

“You will be the first to know...should that happen. I think one is enough for now.”

Lily smiled down at the baby girl on her lap. Demelza was happily playing with the bracelet on Lily’s wrist.

“She has the Black family good looks but I see you in there. She has your dainty features. I can’t wait for Harry to wake up so he can meet her.”

The two of you immediately looked up at each other.

“So do we make bets on who will be the bigger trouble makers? James and Sirius or Demelza and Harry.”

You took a breath. James and Sirius’ wild behavior was no secret to Lily or yourself. You had witnessed a lot of their shenanigans while in school. Now you had to wonder if Demelza would be giving her father a run for his money?

“I guess time will tell on that one. Lily, I know that Sirius is going to talk to James about this so I’m going to talk to you about it. We want you two to be her godparents. If anything should happen…”

“WE WOULD LOVE TO!”

Lily squealed.

“I want Remus to be involved too but I don’t think he would be up to raising a baby...right now that is. I can only hope that he wants something to do with her.”

Demelza had snuggled herself against Lily’s chest and yawned. Lily stroked her finger down the baby’s cheek.

“How could he not want to? Look at this sweet little face. He’s going to love her. Don’t even worry about that.”

As Lily gently rocked Demelza to sleep, you sat pondering her words. You could only hope that your friend was right. Maybe you could talk to Remus once he returned from wherever he went. Hopefully this time he will listen….

____

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@authoressskr

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@hankypranky

@wontlookaway

@summer-novak

@shaylybaby2032

@shitfaceddaniel

@tas898

@li0nh34rt

@stuckinsaudi1

@marichromatic

@maggiolim

@deanwherescas

@sprnaturallover

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

@knight-of-gleefulness

@mycuddlycorner

[scandalsavagefanfic]

DC Kink Meme Prompts List

Since the kink meme is getting a lot of attention and growing daily, I thought I’d post a convenient place where I can keep track of the prompts that I’d like to see filled again. I figure you’re all here because we share similar interests and this way, if you’re a writer with looking for a prompt, you don’t have to scroll through the almost 400 prompts that are currently posted. 

So here we go. Beware, this is a kink meme. These are nsfw and some may be triggering. 

JayDick Watersports -  Filled HERE

sub!Jason & Dom!Dick are in a consensual D/s relationship that has a heavy Master/slave dynamic (whether 24/7 or primarily during sex is up to you!). They're on a stakeout one night, and it's really cold, and, aw, fuck, Dick needs to piss, but he doesn't want his dick to freeze. Good thing he's got his bitch there with him, right? Dick pissing in Jay's ass preferred just to show the level of not caring about Jay's comfort [it's still cold!], but totally not gonna complain about piss drinking, either, if Dick's feeling a little more charitable. Is Jay surprised because it's the first time Dick has done this? Is this a normal, expected duty that he performs regularly? That's up to you!

Tim/Jason A/B/O - Filled

In an A/B/O world where omegas are in charge and alphas are treated like animals, or kept as pets, CEO Tim decides to treat himself to a new toy and buys Jason. Feel free to go as wild as you like with the kinks, I'm pretty unsquickable

Tim/Jason Stalker!Tim - Filled on the Meme by anon and HERE (by me)

Older Tim, younger Jason, where Tim's stalking gets a little obsessive once Jason takes over as Robin, and he starts stalking Jason out of costume as well as at night. A little judicious hacking later and he's able to keep an eye on Jason's internet activity too. Once he finds Jason looking at gay porn he knows he's got an in. And he starts blackmailing Jason, online at first, but escalating every time he gets Jason to go a little further, until he gets him to submit in person.

Slade/Dick/Jason - Filled amazingly HERE

Dick's been with Slade for a while, and now that he's stopped fighting and given into his training, Slade thinks he deserves a reward. Every good boy deserves a puppy, and Batman's new Robin looks like he could fit the role perfectly.

Jason Todd - Object Insertion - Filled on the meme (art)

Honestly, that's all I've got for you. I just want someone making Jason take things up his ass that have no business being there. Consensual or not are both fine! Any ship, though definitely a strong preference for Roy, Slade, Tim, Kyle, Dick, Roman or Ra's. Preferably not underage, but I'm not entirely opposed.

Ra's/Jason - Filled HERE

Ra's test drives an undunked Jason. The boy must be useful for something, after all, and he looks so pretty in chains. ABO welcome. 

Prompt- Pegging (Jason) - Filled HERE

Jason gets pegged by one (or more ;)) of the lovely ladies of the DC universe. And enjoys it thoroughly Pairing is dealer's choice. <3

Bruce/Jason 

Bruce takes in Jason off the streets, but more for use as a personal whore than to be Robin. Bonuses for Bruce still adopting Jason and getting off on fucking his son. EXTRA bonus points for Alfred's unfazed acceptance/support of it and perhaps even his participation.

Jason Todd Intercrural Sex - Filled on meme

This man deserves more thigh fucking and so do we! All ships welcome!

No Title - Bruce/Jason, Dick finds out Bruce has been sexually abusing Jason

One of the other prompts made me realize that while there are a lot of fics where Jason discovers Bruce has been abusing Dick, there are none the other way around and suddenly I have a craving. So I would like for Dick to find out (maybe right after Jason returns, Dick catches them and overhears Bruce say something to indicate it used to happen regularly) that Bruce had been sexually abusing Jason since the moment he found him and try to save him. And like, because of his background as a child prostitute, Jason kind of thinks it's normal or that it's the only way he could earn love? Maybe Bruce implies that Jason is useless otherwise and he'd end up back on the streets if he's not useful. Maybe Bruce is even happy to point out that the reason he never even considered touching the others is because they were too good for it, pure and wholesome, while Jason was ruined goods.

Dick/Jason fuck-or-die bottom!Jay 

I would absolutely kill to see a fic where Dick is forced to fuck Jason (for whatever reason but preferably not due to sex pollen/aphrodisiacs/drugs - I would prefer if they were both in their right minds please) Preferably they wouldn't be in a relationship or have secret feelings for each other and this would be mutual noncon/rape with a focus on how horrified they are that they're having to do this to each other. I would really, really like if it was bottom!Jason for this, but that there is acknowledgement that Dick is being raped here too!

Skeezy Ric Grayson

One specific fic I read has completely coloured my perception of Ric, and now I'm just desperate to see him being a total creep. Perving on his siblings and former friends. Would love to see him not take no for an answer, especially with someone who doesn't want to fight back because "it's still Dick in there somewhere, I can't hurt him" or something like that. Preference for Wally (HiC who?) or Jason, but Tim, Roy, Babs or Donna would be okay, too! A/B/O with Alpha!Ric would be a bonus but isn't necessary.

Cassie/Rose bondage spanking and D/s, semi-dubious consent

Cassie has had enough of Rose mouthing off and causing trouble, so she ties her up with her lasso and lectures her. Rose mockingly asks her if she’s going to spank her for being a bad girl, and much to her surprise, Cassie does. They both enjoy it much more than expected

Nyssa/Talia

Nyssa/Talia, set post-Death and the Maidens, Talia restrained while Nyssa gets her off, begging to be allowed to reciprocate. Bonus points for twisty fucked up Nyssa POV with all kinds of big global megalomaniacal justifications for what she's doing and how important it is to the greater good. (Reposted from old DC kinkmeme)

Jason Todd/Dick Grayson/Roy Harper/Koriand’r

Kori loves watching her subs play with each other and rewards them well for good behavior

JayTim hatesex

Jason and Tim having incestuous-sibling-rivalry-hate-sex against the memorial

Any Bats/???, Alfred has to clean up

Poor Alfred often gets stuck cleaning up the mess when any of the family bring partners over. The crackier the circumstances the better!

Slade/Jason identity porn

Slade and Jason fuck while in costume as and pretending to be Batman and Nightwing respectively

Kyle Rayner/any

Kyle winds up working as a stripper somehow. Some other heroes find out and pay him a visit

Batfam/Jason; non con or resigned-to-his-fate cumdumpster!Jason

Could also be Earth-3 Owlfam/Jason. A/B/O welcome but it doesn't have to be. Would appreciate any one or combination of the following: dehumanization/objectification, humiliation, public sex, breeding kink, restraints, fucking machines, cum enemas, lots of cum in general, size kink... I just want something unapologetically filthy. I'm pretty much good with everything but scat.

Dick/Tim non/dub-con, universe hopping

Dark Dick from a dark universe ends up in the main universe, where he is delighted to find a brand new Timmy to play with, who unconditionally trusts his brother and doesn't know he's been replaced. Cue Dick slowly luring him in so he can have his fun. Tim doesn't realize until it's too late, or doesn't realize at all and has no idea how his beloved older brother could do this to him. Main universe has fully platonic, familial relationships within in the batfam. Feel free to imply/state anything you like about the dark universe. Grooming/slowly warming Tim up to more and more touches, crying, overstimulation, bondage, or any combination thereof are all bonuses

Young Justice S3 Dick/Jason omegaverse

Alpha!Dick Grayson is stuck on a mission and somehow has to help the mysterious Red-Hooded omega through his heat. But they have to stay quiet in order to not wake the pup Damian sleeping right next to them. Preferably there's an identity reveal in there where Dick finds out the omega is Jason Todd under the mask.

Addict!Roy Harper Noncon

Noncon (or possibly dubcon, if the manipulation is clear enough to readers) with Snowbirds Don't Fly era!Roy Harper as the victim. Could be an OC, another Titan, a Leaguer, a canon villain... Dealer's choice! Looking for something that really focuses on how he's being taken advantage of, rather than just "can't technically consent because he's high, but is totally into it."

Woder Woman/Batman, Rough Sex

Bruce loves it when Diana is rough with him

Bane/Bruce, violent noncon

Something set during Knightfall, where Bane decides to take “breaking the Bat” even further by raping Bruce and possibly also his precious little Robin

Jay/Tim bdsm AU, sub Jay

What it says on the tin. Was thinking maybe also an arranged marriage of sub Jason to dom Tim Drake, to cement a business union but also because subs aren’t full citizens.

Robin!Jason/Bruce Somnophilia

Bruce drugs his new little Robin and slips into his room. He takes his time with him, enjoying Jason before carefully opening and fucking him. Would be great if Jason wakes up towards the end but can't do anything but take it- maybe because of the drugs, maybe because of the way Bruce is holding him down, or even because he likes it.

Sidekicks/Villains noncon glory wall

Any sidekicks you want—Speedy, the Robins and Batgirls, Kid Flash and Impulse, the Wonder girls, etc.—being displayed in a glory wall, leaving their holes open for fucking. Interested villains can pay to fuck any hole they desire, and they enjoy wrecking the sidekicks and filling them with come

Robin!Jason/Villains & Henchmen?

Robin Jason gets captured and tied up by the villain of the week, who decides to take advantage of the situation. Robin is blindfolded and groped/fucked by the villain and maybe some henchmen while waiting for Batman to rescue him. Batman finding a bound and blind Jay too tempting to resist is a bonus.

Dickjay daddy kink

Older! Dick and bottom! Jason. Jason came back years later and Dick is around 40.

OmegaJason/Batfam first heat, lactation

It's Jason's first heat and the alphas of the pack know that his milk is on its way soon. All it needs is a little encouragement. A few knots and some nipple play should do it. His milk tastes perfect as it starts to flow.

Jason/Dick, Jason/RomanSionis, Hooker!Jason & Officer Grayson

So this is based off a discussion from AGES ago in the jayroman discord server that I still think about to this day XD A no capes au in which Jason never gets picked up by Bruce and ends up a crime alley prostitute who somehow along the way caught the eye of Black Mask and winds up working for him. And Black Mask has basically the whole city in his pocket, including the police force, which is why it’s so annoying when this little upstart, Officer Dick Grayson, starts to try to challenge his hold on the city, the little goody two-shoes denying any and all bribes and refusing to back down in the face of threats. And it should be easy to squash one annoying little bug, but somehow all attempts have failed and he can’t openly go after him without risking his reputation as a clean, law-abiding businessman, a reputation that’s slowly starting to unravel thanks to the dogged efforts of Officer Grayson, because the little shit is annoyingly not as stupid as his attempts to go after Roman would make him seem and despite all of Roman’s power and having basically the entire police force and the various other government officials Roman has in his pocket against him, he has made far too much headway in his endeavors So Roman gives Jason the job of seducing Dick, because if bribery and threats don’t work, video evidence of an officer fucking an underage hooker makes excellent blackmail material, and should be enough to take him down for good if he ever steps a toe out of line again Except no matter how Jason tries to seduce him, Dick is just too decent a guy to take advantage (Ex: Jason: *shows up wearing even more revealing clothes than the night before.* Dick: “You must be cold, here, take my jacket.” etc.) And before he knows it, Jason finds himself growing weirdly fond of the infuriating idiot with his stupid puns and painful sincerity

Roman Sionis/Jason Todd, AOB noncon impregnation gang rape

Intersex AOB verse. Roman wants to punish and claim the upstart omega, so he plugs Jason’s cunt and lets his men anally rape Jason until the omega begs Roman to breed his pussy

TimKon, a/b/o, alpha!Tim, bottom Conner

Humans have a/b/o. Kryptonians do not. Alpha!Tim thinks that he shouldn't bother Kon about Tim's rut. Kon thinks otherwise. Whether Kon can keep up with Tim (superpowers got to be good for something, right?) or is overwhelmed is up to anon :) I am absolutely unsquickable so whatever extra kinks are fine with me. Just please top!Tim only. Please, my crops are dying.

past romanjay now mobJay, gangbang

After getting tired with his new toy, Roman decided to just give his subordinates a chance to have fun with it. But mostly he just want to see the red hood to get more humiliated after destroying his empire.

Damian Wayne/Jason Todd, bestiality

It's time for Damian to introduce his new acquired pet to the pack, Titus and Ace.

Tim gags and spanks Damian

Red Robin has to take Robin out on patrol because Batman is away, Damian is reckless and keeps disobeying orders so Tim punishes him while having him gagged for being mouthy. can progress to something more sexual but doesn't have to be. Damian secretly enjoying it is a bonus.

Deathstroke/All the Robins

Slade really has a thing for fighting and chasing after Batbrats…

Rose/Jason mommy kink edging and pegging

Jason wants to be a good boy for mommy, Rose rewards his good behavior

Jason Todd/Kyle Rayner hatesex - Filled

I’d love some rough, angry, violent hatesex between these two. Bonus points for snarky asshole bottom!jason and kyle using his ring to make restraints/other kinky constructs ;)

Flashpoint!Father Todd/Incubus!Dick

Incubus!Dick seduces Father Todd. Jason holds out longer than most but Dick prides himself on being irresistible. He’s never failed before and he doesn’t plan to start now. But maybe, instead of his usual dine-and-ditch MO, Dick think’s he might like to savor this meal for long. Jason falls so beautifully. (bottom Jason please) Catholic aesthetics, blasphemy as kink, church sex (altar, confessional, pews, etc)

Flashpoint Thomas Wayne/Father Todd

Thomas Wayne as Batman bends Father Todd over the altar. In uniform. (At least for Thomas. It would be super hot if he strips Father Todd out of his robes first. Maybe everything except his rosary?)

Jason/Tim rape

Tim ties down Jason and rides(rapes) him. Pls let Tim use Jason as nothing but a mere meat dildo.

Titans/Dick, Titans/Jason, Titans/Tim consensual gangbang - Filled

The not-so-secret tradition of team bonding by fucking the current Bat on the Teen Titans is well-adhered to, especially given the enthusiastic consent of all participants Feel free to include any or all: garden sex, pool sex, power use, DP, riding, pegging, toy use, CBT, nipple play, cockwarming, CFNM/CMNM, and consensual somno All other kinks welcome excluding scat, watersports, emeto, ageplay, vore, and anything else bloody

Thomas Elliot/Bruce Wayne (Rape/Non-con)

Bruce doesn't realise how obsessed Thomas really is with him. Leads to Hush raping Bruce. Can be when Bruce knows who Hush is or when he still doesn't know.

Evil!Dick and Jason, noncon or dubcon

Jason comes back to his safehouse and is surprised to find Dick already there. After the initial surprise, Jason is quick to find out that there's something... off, about this Dick. He's not acting like his usual self. It turns out this isn't the usual Dick that Jason is familiar with, instead, he is a darker version of him (drugged? Talon from Earth-3 that somehow ends up in the main universe? other possibilities? all welcome options!), and this Dark!Dick is obsessed with Jason and wants to fuck him... and he doesn't take no for an answer. So there's a setup for a non-con or dub-con(in case Jason also has a crush on main Dick) for you. Restraints (gags, ropes, tapes etc.) are also welcome but doesn't have to be present.

Kon-El/Lex Luthor Daddy Kink DubCon

Lex genetically programmed Kon to need his daddy to fill him up when he created him. Lex made Kon to check all his boxes (ie Superman, something he made, a gifted teenager). Kon can’t actually consent because of programming, and he doesn’t want it until he’s getting it. Can be simple daddy kink or full of abdl. Bonus points for trans!Kon

Guy Gardner/Bunch of Aliens possible Dubcon/Noncon

Macho, hotheaded, shit-talking Guy is the embodiment of hyper-masculinity, and that arrogance of his gets him into a lot more than just a bar fight. All of Guy's enemies seem to be of the huge, muscular variety, so let's see the most stocky lantern get put in his place. Does he secretly love it? Does he outright hate it? Maybe all that shit-talking was just a ploy to finally get someone to "punish" him right. The choice is up to you. Maybe it's a bunch of random aliens Guy's ticked off in a bar. Maybe all that showboating's pissed off Kilowog or Arkillo. Maybe Lobo's still put out after being tricked one too many times by Guy. Perhaps, Atrocitus's still kinda harboring a grudge for Guy kicking him out of the Red Lanterns. Then there's always the way too touchy Dementor with his Vuldarian kin. I'm all for any other kinks or situations, I just would prefer no bathroom stuff. Go absolutely wild.

Black Mask/anyone, bathroom control, omorashi - Filled on meme

I'm a simple person with simple needs: Roman controlling whether or not someone's allowed to piss. can be consensual or noncon torture, the victim can end up pissing themselves or make it to the bathroom safely. just as long as Roman's in total control of the situation, and smug about it. bonus points: tears, begging, banter, degradation, embarrassment, additional torture, anything else along those lines. watersports only, please, no scat!

Roy Clones/Dick gangbang omegaverse

YJ season 3 episode 4 has excellent gangbang material just so you know Add omegaverse to it and its perfect Noncon/dubcon is accepted also

Titans/Jason Gangbang

Prefer comics based more than the show but either is fine. Dick and his friends welcome the new Robin the Titans way, by breaking in that hole. New kid is always the team toy, and it's even more fun now that it's Nightwing's bratty kid brother. Consensual or non con, dealer's choice. Double (or triple) penetration, dirty talk, and powers used for sex are favorite kinks but I'm good with pretty much anything.

Willis Todd/Jason Todd, Mob/Jason; Incest and forced underage prostitution

Willis pimps out his kid for cash and drugs. Catherine either pretends she doesn't know or knows and helps/doesn't care. And like any good salesman, he makes sure to test out his product to make sure it's up to snuff. 

Make it cruel and awful and hopeless. Dehumanizing and degrading. Jason is just a hole to sell and use. belting in sensitive areas, beatings, violent sex, cum play, blood play... I just want something dark and nasty. 

____________________________________________________

Woo! Ok. I’ll try to keep this up the best I can. I’ll link/mark when prompts are filled so that you guys can check it out if you want (all filled prompts can be reached by the link in the title, but some have ao3 links that I put on the “Filled” note). 

I’ll also reblog this with any new prompts that come up or if I find I’ve forgotten one. 

[mymusehatesme]

Muse’s Witcher Fic Recs (Part II) - Immortal Jaskier

Guess who’s back, babey!  Trying out a different tag for this fandom and I like it.

- the moon is a stone, but it’s a star when it’s dark by Cap_Sweet_And_Salty_Sadness, drjezdzany (Lorien) on AO3 (16067 words, E)

Summary: "You have a strong connection to water." "I suppose I do." "Any particular reason for that?" Jaskier is silent for a moment, his hands occupied with plaiting grass blades together. "One day I will tell you," he finally says, his eyes impossibly blue in the warm shades of the twilight. He's more than Geralt hoped for.

- I'll Be Here, Waiting and Wanting by Asorenii on AO3 (26187 words, T)

Summary: After the mountain scene, Jaskier spirals into a pit of misery and self-loathing. Twenty-two years trailing behind your best friend is a long time to throw away, especially when you believe your time on Earth is destined to be much shorter than his. Jaskier enters a fatal state of depression and no longer tries to stop harm from befalling him, but he just won't die. ||Nobody stays dead!||

[THIS STORY INCLUDES MULTIPLE (FAILED) SUICIDE ATTEMPTS.  IF THIS WILL TRIGGER/BOTHER YOU, DO NOT READ.]

- He Fell into a Faerie Ring by VolWolf on AO3 (in progress, E)

Summary: Traders are a gossiping sort. If there was a scandal within the noble houses of Posada, you’d hear about it in Cretegor by the end of the week. So, the quick spread of a rumor about a little village in the Kestrel Mountain range was not at all surprising. What was surprising was the story that the traders wove. They said that Luibhtorrach, a sad, ghost of a farming town, had miraculously become a hub for trade, as if overnight. Their lands unbelievably fertile and brimming with crop. Even stranger, each and every one of Luibhtorrach’s people professed that their good fortune was the work of a mysterious beast they’d claimed as their personal deity. Most recent news foretold of their plans to throw a midsummer festival celebrating this newfound god. In preparation, silken blue banners were erected in every corner of the town, each bearing the symbol of their new patron: A delicate dandelion wrapping around a golden sun. - Or - Jaskier accidentally becomes the god of a village he stumbled upon after Geralt’s post-dragon hunt meltdown. Maybe it had something to do with his new look. 

[In this one, Jaskier gets tricked by Fae and his body undergoes some... changes... while in the Fae realm.  He gets out, don’t worry!  But he’s got some adjusting to do with his weird new form and his powers.]

- if i'm good will you come back by peggy_hamilton on AO3 (236661 words, T)

Summary: Geralt promises himself that this time he won't fall in love with him. This time he will walk away and let him live his life in peace. This time he won’t die because of him. He’s never been good at keeping promises.

[This... this story hurts.  Jaskier keeps getting reincarnated and Geralt keeps falling in love with him, only for Jaskier to die and the Witcher keeps living, nursing a broken heart.  Decades later, he finds him again.  And he can’t seem to stop the bard from joining him on the Path.]

- like gods at the dawning of the world by andrewminyards on AO3 (11852 words, T)

Summary: Jaskier is the god of the underworld, the realm of death and darkness. Then he stumbles upon Geralt, the god of spring, who’s gentle and kind and has flowers woven through his hair. Geralt chases away the chill of winter and spreads the warmth of spring across the land, bringing life and joy in his footsteps, and Jaskier is fascinated. Geralt, his warmth and his flowers and his gentleness, is so different from the death and darkness of Jaskier’s realm. As the god of the underworld, all Jaskier had known about life was the end of it, but Geralt teaches him about the beauty of life, and brings light to the darkness of the underworld. * Jaskier is Hades and Geralt is Persephone. They meet and travel together as Jaskier explores who he can be outside of the role he was given. They make flower crowns and fall in love against Visenna’s wishes, and together, they go to the underworld.

[Yanno, as much as I want to find a fic where it’s the classic Geralt as Hades, Jaskier as Persephone cos that fits their personalities, I really liked this!  It’s a sweet mixture of fluff and angst with a happy ending and I love it so much!]

- I'd suffer hell if you'd tell me (what you'd do to me tonight) by TallQueen on AO3 (9334 words, M)

Summary: When the Witcher finally woke up, he drew several conclusions rather quickly:

1) His wrists and ankles had been shackled while he was unconscious. 2) Those shackles were holding him spread-eagled across a very comfortable goose-down mattress. 3) The runes carved into the manacles left him relatively incapacitated; not even a Witcher could break through such a strong pacification spell. 4) His captors had removed everything but his smallclothes and covered him back up with an incredibly soft blanket. “Hmm.”

or

Geralt is captured by the strangest religious order he's ever encountered and offered up as a "human" sacrifice to their God of Happiness, who happens to look and sound exactly like Jaskier...

[Not gonna lie, this was not something I thought I’d enjoy, but I DID!  Fair warning: Geralt spends the majority of this fic drugged, meaning this is pretty much dub-con... but, uh... *clears throat*  This is smut.]

- And I am Time itself, I slow to let you play by PersonyPepper on AO3 (3548 words, T)

Summary: Geralt wakes with a gasp and a thought. A thought he’d rather not have. Jaskier sleeps across from him, cuddled with his lute, perfectly visible in the dull morning light. Fuck, he’s going to die. One day, Jaskier’s smooth face will grow crows feet and wrinkles, his joints will start aching and Geralt knows he’d slow for his bard, let him ride Roach, carry him up stairs of traverns. Jaskier’s eyes would still be filled with joy, shine with love at every flower and every child, that his fist would clench at every bastard talking ill of his witcher, no matter if his hand shakes too much to even flit over his lute. Jaskier’d stop traveling, move into the coast, and eventually…  Oh fuck no.

Or, Geralt realizes Jaskier’s going to die and sets out on trying to find an immortality potion. Jaskier thinks Geralt’s trying to shut him up. Cue: Miscommunication.

[The characters here are extremely true to the show - Geralt hiding his fears and insecurities behind his stoic self and Jaskier hiding his confusion and hurt behind his songs and upbeat personality.]

[honourablejester]

Nathan: Dignity! You know, it takes a bold man to talk about dignity when he tryin’ to sell women off like they cattle.

Ezra: I’ll ignore that.

Nathan: Yeah, you better do that. How else you gonna get some sleep tonight?

Ezra *flatly*: Anything else?

Nathan: About making profit off the back of another human being? Hell yeah, I got a lot to say, but—It just be wasted on you.

--- Magnificent Seven, Ep 1x03, “Working Girls”

Watching a couple of episodes of Magnificent Seven (1998) again, and I’m remembering why the relationship between these two is probably the single most painful and heart-warming and fascinating on the show. Nathan Jackson and Ezra Standish are one of the most perfect examples of a pair of characters who have either no frame of reference for each other or else a completely wrong one. Or, well, an action-correct but motivation-wrong one. Hence why they keep tearing strips off each other for the whole show, though they soften some later. And this conversation here, very early on, is an excellent illustration as to why.

So the plot of this episode is that the Seven have helped liberate a group of prostitutes from an abusive camp and have to keep them safe over the course of the episode. This involves a lot of people (notably Mary Travis) facing a lot of fairly uncomfortable truths about the darker side of their society and how easy it is to slip up and wind up in a hell. And Ezra is definitely one of those too.

Ezra’s little subplot for the episode is that he decides he’s going to help some of these women win better lives by setting them up in a mail-order bride scheme, run by him, for naturally a small fee. When they react with natural scepticism, wondering how exactly that’s different from being a whore aside from not getting paid for it, he clarifies that he’ll set them up only with wealthy, gentlemanly men, screened by him. Leaving aside their suspicions on this, one of them asks what men like that would want with women like them, and Ezra responds that what the men don’t know won’t hurt them, and he can show them how to act like ‘ladies’. He then spends the rest of the episode trying (with Buck’s help and Josiah’s disdain) to do exactly this via an impromptu ‘charm school’. The above conversation happens when Nathan walks in on the middle of this.

Now. Leaving Nathan’s own background completely aside for a minute, you cannot for one second blame him for coming to this conclusion. Ezra straight-up called it a mail-order bride scam. He is … I mean, he kind of is selling them, he’s just doing so with their cooperation and, in his head, for the purposes of victimising the men, not the women. But he is selling them. He’s getting a cut from arranging marriages for them. That’s only a bit of semantics away from selling them. Add in Nathan’s background as a straight-up slave, and it is plainly obvious and completely understandable why this rubs him savagely the wrong way.

But the thing is, from Ezra’s point of view … the accusation baffles and deeply offends him. Like, really hurts and offends him. You can see it in his face and his stiff, flat tone. If Nathan had slapped him full across the face he could have gotten exactly the same effect. And some of that … Some of that is a lack of self-awareness on Ezra’s part. Some of it is that he’s never looked at things like this from someone like Nathan’s point of view, and there are times when he really, really should.

But it’s also a degree of Nathan missing things. Because in Ezra’s head he genuinely is not selling them. He is not setting them up to be victims. In Ezra’s head he’s setting them up to make their husbands victims. He’s teaching them a con. And, extremely specifically, as we find out later when we meet her, he’s teaching them Maude’s con. He’s teaching them how to act the part of a southern lady and disguise their socially inferior background long enough to string some rich man along and take him for all he’s got.

He’s trying to teach them how to act like his mother, in short. And he’s trying to teach them a lot of what Maude taught him. Failing to realise, maybe, that many of these women are not Maude Standish and may not be able to do what she does serially. Failing to realise that for a lot of women, marriage is exactly as close to slavery as Nathan makes it sound. Failing to realise that he might, in fact, be setting them up as badly as Nathan thinks he is.

I think to a large extent it just didn’t occur to Ezra … I don’t think he’s ever, a day in his life, thought of his mother as a potential victim. In his head, Maude is always the predator. Sure, cons go badly, and marks turn violent, and he probably knows full well that Maude’s probably gotten out of things by the skin of her teeth before, but in his head … that’s just their line of work? If you can’t scam them properly, then you deserve what you get. Nobody’s going to help you, so you better be able to get in and get out by yourself, and with whatever you came for clutched in your fist. I would lay odds that Maude taught him exactly this way himself. Taught him how to playact like his ‘betters’ in order to get close enough to swindle them.

Which probably has some impact on other aspects of his interactions with Nathan. Because the part Maude taught Ezra to play is the part of the Southern Gentleman. And Ezra absorbed a lot of that, with all the incidental horrors it entailed. You act the part, regardless of your true goals or opinions. You act like the people you want to fit in with.

And some of them might even have been Ezra’s own opinions. Their first meeting, when Ezra refuses to ride with the Seven because Nathan’s already there. That could have been genuine racism on Ezra’s part. Casual, not entrenched, because he’s a pragmatic man and he gets over it fairly quick once they start working together and he realises Nathan has his back no matter how much of a dickhead he is. But still. It could easily have been something he absorbed over years of playing this part, and until Nathan challenged it might have been a genuine part of his outlook.

(It could also have been a degree of pragmatism, in that he figured that Nathan as a black man and likely an ex-slave would be the sort to take personal offense to him should dynamics in the group go south, making him potentially a threat with a grudge when Ezra inevitably had to part ways from the goody-two-shoes. So, less conscious racism and more racially-profiled survivalism, but still)

(Or it could have been an excuse, a reason not to ride out suicidally with these morons for bugger-all money, and using racism and his old role as an excuse to get out of it – bit of a risky gambit though, considering he was already neck-deep in trouble as it stood)

The thing we see a lot in their interactions is that Nathan, while he warms up to Ezra slowly and cautiously and recognises him for a genuinely brave and semi-decent man, constantly struggles with two separate images Ezra presents to the world, both of which are triggering for Nathan, and neither of which is actually who Ezra is and wants to be.

The first is the role he learned for cons, the stereotypical Southern Gentleman, which grates on Nathan for obvious reasons and which tends to … the couple of times he’s genuinely flown off the handle at Ezra (here and in S2’s “Chinatown”), it’s been in circumstances where this image is combined with circumstances in which people are (potentially) being sold. Ezra just straight-up triggers everything about Nathan’s past in those circumstances, and he just struggles to see the present not the past. Entirely understandably, for all it hurts Ezra, and for all it isn’t all that true to who Ezra is, a love of erudition and fine furnishings aside.

But the other image Ezra presents, the one that is actually more true to him, at least in terms of upbringing and the frame of reference Ezra himself was raised with, is that of the conman and thief. And that is just as bad to Nathan. Just another means for a white man to take away from honest people, making his living off the backs of other people and not caring about what happens to them in the process. And he … isn’t entirely wrong. On this one, he has a lot of good points. Ezra was raised with a baseline predatory mindset, and he doesn’t always realise it. A lot of things he grew up thinking are perfectly fine and normal … aren’t. Here, Nathan often has, if not the moral high ground, at the very least some pretty good points.

But the thing is … the reason Ezra struggles so much with Maude is that Ezra is also bad at this mindset. It’s the thing he was raised to view as correct, the thing he was raised to aspire to, and he’s just bad at it. As he proved in the pilot when his conscience drove him back. He has some things that he genuinely doesn’t realise are bad, but also others that he knows full well and has to force himself to go through with. And the reason Maude is so against Ezra settling down with these people is that she knows it’s pushing him to make what she views as stupid choices, stupid risks. Things she genuinely thinks will cause him to come to harm (not without reason, although her methods of ‘helping him’ are arguably so much worse). Nathan is causing Ezra to be more honest and honourable, though Nathan doesn’t exactly realise that himself. Mostly because Nathan doesn’t realise what starting position Ezra is coming from in this regard, and admittedly doesn’t have a lot of sympathy for Ezra’s struggle in not being who he was raised to be. Nathan has no frame of reference for Maude, not until he falls afoul of her himself, and that’s not until much later, and she snows him completely for quite a large portion of it.

And on the other end, Ezra just … flat has no frame of reference for Nathan. He has never in his life been made to look at things the way Nathan looks at things. He’s constantly surprised and hurt and offended by how Nathan views his actions. Ezra, for all his bad luck and tendency to wind up in over his head, has never been brutalised the way Nathan has been, and has never realised just how vulnerable other people can be to brutalisation. It doesn’t occur to him that he might be lining up these women to be trapped, or if it does it isn’t something he thinks long on, because he looks at them like he looks at Maude, and Maude is never trapped. If you think you have control of her, it’s because you fell for the scam. But not every woman is Maude.

(And, quite possibly, Maude wasn’t always Maude. She had to start somewhere. Does she worry so much about him becoming an ‘honest’ victim because she’s looking at it from a predator’s point of view, or from ex-prey?)

Ezra looks at people like opponents. It’s the way he was raised. Everyone is out for themselves, and if you can’t take what you need, you’re going to get taken. He doesn’t want to look at them that way. He’s a closet romantic and wants to believe in honour the way the Seven sell it, but there’s always a part of him that cannot fully trust that (also a part of him that prefers the simplicity and comfort of want-take). Everyone you meet could be scamming you. Nobody is ever as innocent or helpless as they appear. The world is full of predators pretending to be prey the better to get close to people. It blinds him to how many ‘prey’ there actually are, and maybe gives him a bit of an opinion that even they partially deserve it? If you can’t get yourself out, maybe you don’t deserve to.

And for Nathan, if you have power and you don’t use it to help people, you’re using it to hurt people. Because that’s what he was raised witnessing. If you have the appearance of power, you have actual power. If you act like a good person, you are one. Actions speak louder than words, the proof is in the pudding. What you do is what matters, not why you do it. Lying, stealing, swindling, is baffling to him, and taking what honest people earn flies too close to what he spent his life enduring, blood, sweat and lives spent entirely for someone else. I think he honestly doesn’t understand why Ezra, who he knows can be an incredibly brave and decent man, doesn’t just commit to that all the time. And sometimes the things Ezra does, often in all innocence or at least a complete lack of understanding, just push him too far.

But they work at it. They get closer to each other. Ezra gradually becomes a more honest and trusting man. Nathan, aside from those times when he’s triggered too strongly to be rational, tries to be a bit gentler with him about it. They develop a respect and friendship for each other. They learn from each other. They make some incredible mistakes when it comes to each other, but they both realise that they’re not actually trying to hurt each other. Or anyone else, mostly, though their definitions of ‘hurt’ tend to vary a bit there. They’re just … easily the most fascinating relationship on the show, if often also one of the most painful.

Anywho. Thus endeth a random trip down memory-lane to an old fandom.