#There are definitely also more resources out there
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Hello so I really like your art style and the way you draw the transformers. And I was wondering if I could ask how did you learn how to draw them?
And do you have any tips for beginners?
Also read the fic btw and it’s genuinely one of the best things I’ve read. So keep up the good work and take breaks when you need too.
There're definitely ppl who can explain it better than me, like @bloominglegumes in this post here , but I here's a bit about how I approach it!
That's basically how I visualize it. It also helps to have reference when you're first starting out. Transformers are wacky to draw cause u need knowledge of organic and inorganic shapes and how they mesh. Personally I try not to let my guys look too stiff. I try to keep lines curved, even if they look straight on first inspection. Technically not realistic since they're made of metal, but it just looks better.
#Hope that helps!#Maybe not the most comprehensive but that's just how I do it#There are definitely also more resources out there#best advice tho is practice and have fun lol#transformers#drawing#tutorial#kinda
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This may not be entirely on topic, but… we also need to remember that communists are often credited with achievements in women's rights, but even on thematic resources you can read that these achievements are the achievements of feminists themselves, not the party, and attributing achievements in women's rights to the party is absurd and misogynistic
If the party were really concerned about the attitude towards women and women's rights, then at the very beginning of the revolution women would not have been forced to go out with posters saying "universal suffrage without women is not universal", then the party would not have made "feminist decisions" and spoken offensively about "solving the women's question", which is aimed at repealing almost all previous decisions regarding women's rights. If the party really paid attention to women and their achievements, we would know about the confrontation between white feminists, who supported the monarchy and "traditional" power in the empire, and red feminists, who believed that achieving women's rights was impossible under the monarchy and that it needed to be destroyed in order to build "something better" on the ruins and ashes of the previous empire
We always talk about how the USSR was the first to give women certain rights, but we don't read further about how an additional burden was placed on women, where they are still the only person who does all the housework, but now they are also officially obliged to work, and then the party again decided that women have too easy a life and began to propagate that a woman must definitely give birth to many more children. Moreover the party like a lying husband's: only feeds with promises of a good life, but at best does nothing and you have to do everything yourself, or usually only makes things worse
Many Western communists unironically believe that the USSR was a very feminist and queer-friendly country, but if you know Russian and can read real stories on the topic, rather than English-language propaganda about rainbows, butterflies, and the friendship of peoples, then you will never in your life have the audacity to say that everything was fine in the USSR with women's or queer rights. Women and queers. NOT the bourgeoisie, but ordinary women and queers.
Something more pseudo-communists on this site need to start understanding is that while the theory may go on and on about killing the rich and creating a classless society, that has never been the case in practice and it never will be.
The revolution in Russia targeted the Tsar, targeted the upper class, killed (though often just put them under house arrest) the rich - sure. But then what happened? It was justified to kill anyone who didn't support the revolution as degeneracy. The Jews are ruining our utopia because they're behind capitalism. The Queers are ruining our utopia because they're destroying the family unit. The ex-serfs are ruining our utopia because they're stuck in the Russian Empire in belief.
When a movement begins with violence, it will always continue in violence. The violence will always be justified, and will always find a new target - because the intention is violence.
Cambodia targeted the Khmer who were 'too western'. Russia targeted the marginalized. China targets religious minority ethnic groups. Among others, just examples.
When Russia's revolution began killing the rich the rich just moved to France and returned later, after millions of poor people died from starvation, militant governmental policies and war. Rich people can afford to survive your rEvOLuTiOn. Poor people can not and will not by the millions.
The real target is NEVER the "Rich" and ALWAYS the people "in the way", who more often than not, are marginalized.
You can NOT be for marginalized communities and continue evangelizing communism. The economy is built on exploitation, whether it's run by the working party (Which lmfao it usually actually isn't, in reality), or the upper class.
#вибачте що постійно про це так багато пишу#але мені дійсно дуже болить#не передати словами як мене злить той факт що всі досягнення ОКРЕМОГО жіночого руху просто беруть і приписують червоним#вони навіть на початку не хотіли допускати жінок до голосування#і потім постійно між рядків було бачно що вони щось роблять чисто для показухи#а потім починають скасовувати або якось обмежувати те що ввели#виглядає так феміністично що просто капець
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in retrospect my confusion on the whole 'man vs bear' thing may have been due to the fact that i was interpreting it as a 'would you rather be trapped in a mall with five black mambas or one adult gorilla' type question rather than a 'which is safer to begin with' question
#spitblaze says things#in which case id personally say bear bc there are things you can do to ensure the bear does not go aggro on you#and u cant do that to a person. idk whos out there. could be my dad. could be jason voorhees#(likely a forest ranger)#idk who im up against and how they feel about me and doing the work to figure that out would be difficult#not to mention that humans have a lot more resources at their disposal than the average bear#ha. anyway#in that context. bear#i might need to make an entire post for my answer otherwise tbh bc my stupid ass needs details before i can answer definitively#also i guess it kind of *is* a which is safer question but like. in terms of 'i could be resourceful enough to avoid damage'#vs 'option i think has the lesser likelihood of something bad happening to begin with'#and i was thinking abt it as the former#edit: 'PARTLY due'??? bro thats the whole thing what are you talking about
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TTGFHs as an allegory for colonisers and their actions—almost ALL their actions—as an allegory for colonisation in its many facets?
“More likely than you’d think” doesn’t BEGIN to cover it.
#the ten great family heads#tower of god#tower of god spoilers#spoilers#as always just in case#tell me the hunting down of the ancients or the drawn out war against the 5 flower kingdoms + tower natives isn’t ethnic cleansing#tell me what the Yeon family was doing with Zygenia isn’t stripping a place of its resources and keeping it poor#and Traumerai… ooohhhh when I catch that man#the whole ‘Jahad’s Princess’ thing also reminds me a lot of a certain practice I can’t quite remember the name of#Blood dilution maybe? idk#also the workshop is definitely counted in this cause what the actual fuck in unethical#also just different types of power dynamics generally#like the Khun family reminds me of certain polygamous families I know and know of#to a more extreme degree#the manufactured competition between the Princesses of Jahad as well#whatever the fuck Bloodmadder has going on with his conditional immortality#why is majority of this post in the tags?
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Bitter breakup rivalry (Patreon)
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Emperor Awesome#Commander Peepers#I dunno lol I just wanted to draw Awesome being pathetic and insulting Peepers and maybe immediately regretting it :)#As much as I think their relationship dynamic could go very well I also think it could go very poorly >:3c They have a lot of potential!#Awesome trying to get too close too fast to manipulate him before he's proven a useful asset would basically be a death sentence hehe#Especially if he tried to flex about it - he definitely has physical might over Peepers but honestly I think that'd just piss him off furthe#Like ''You think you can just sling your weight around and intimidate me? Hah! Who do you think I work for?''#Even with the equivalent of a peashooter I think Peepers could take him on ♪ I mean heck he beat the Potted Plant with just his hat#He's very resourceful! Out of necessity but hey it just means he's practiced! I think he could MacGyver his way out of most confrontations#Plus y'know - Awesome is already kinda pathetic haha ♪ He gets a bruised /ego/ and he goes home what would a smack to his face do#That said he was there for the Battle Royale - I think he's aware of his intimidation factor :) Intimidation is also charisma! Haha#I think a fight between them would be interesting Especially if they brought feelings into it but even just a slugout haha#Awesome's really fun to pose I definitely would've drawn more of him being dramatic if I hadn't run out of room#But I mean so is Peepers! They're so fun to draw ahh <3 Look at his shoe/knee contact! Flat foot on the ground! I'm so pleased!#Only took a very cartoony style to finally get me to work on contact points haha ♪
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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#was gonna pierce my lip but I realized I lost all the caps to my barbell piercings and I didn't even realize. I'm so fuckin mad#now I have to get more#idk if I can just get the screw on heads. idk what mm size they are#anyway. bone broth is successful. it's been slow cooking all day and looks and smells good. it's gonna make for hella nutritious soup base.#also I've been hunting down Spanish vocab audio because that's how I learn best.#listening to more language transfer and adding music to my Spanish playlist.#still definitely not conversational but my comprehension is going up quite a bit.#I had a grumpy Russian man come through my lane today and the desire to communicate better was so strong.#I just wanna learn all the languages.#I just need to find more resources that work for my brain.#I have a Spanish vocab book and I hardly touch it. duolingo sucks for me. I hate Rosetta Stone.#but there's resources out on the internet I just have to find them and use them.#there's a few good ones on Spotify I've found. as much as I hate Spotify conceptually for music artists it's still a resource I can use.#as much as I don't wanna apply for new jobs I don't wanna work in the same place next year when we move.#I still really wanna try food service. my speech has gotten way better and my stutter is almost never present#so job interviews should be way easier to pull off. I hope. I really hope.#I really wanna get back into nursing but idk if we're moving early enough for me to get into a cna certification class for spring semester.#I really should email the local community college and find out if I can pull off a late start or jump into a class already partway through.#I could look that up right now actually. find out when classes start there and how much I would be missing.#because I've passed the certification before it shouldn't be hard to jump in partway through I think.#hah. I'm so competent. I just looked up the information right now. there's an adult education center where I'm moving that offers the course#but not until halfway through spring.#so I could work food service for the spring and then switch to cna after.#I'm medicated so it's entirely possible and feasible. I have the ability.#hmmm. if I'm going into nursing maybe I should reconsider the lip piercing? hmmmm.#I can just let it heal over if it's an issue.#plenty of time between now and then.#anyway I'm going to bed good night.#well. maybe going to bed.
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just finished watching Scavengers Reign and am all kinds of stressed and fucked up please watch this show if you have the chance
#scavengers reign#i was so excited for this show to come out and its!!!! so good!!!!!!!!!#its soo much more than i could have ever hoped for i am so excited about it PLEASE WACTH ITTTT#the visuals are stunning#sound design?? stunning#characters?? stunning#WOLRDBUILDING???? stunning#this shit has such a grip on me the way we have seen into the relationships of these characters independently and how they interact with the#world and how they manage their resources how they learn from observation and how they interact with each other and their memories and their#past present and future im going crazy this show has everything i could have ever wanted and more!!!#sorry for yelling abt it but also not sorry#i probably wonr be able to do fanart for it until i finishy thesis so deal with this for now#bc rest assured i am coming back and i will be insufferable#if you have read this so yourself the favor and just check out the show if it seems even a little interesting definitely give it a watch its#incredible!!!
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quick dreamsnso i can find them later
#eating pine branches at grandmas.#lived next door.#renting.#pine branches were really tasty and chewy like ... soupy tootsie rolls?#tried to sneak up on sister#while holding a plastic bag#found. she thought i was soemthing worse. also had been followed by crows for awhile#went back home. grandparents mom and uncles gave me 21 cents and advice on how to have a good birthday on the dime#played sonic the hedgehog with mom except ive never played sonic before in my life so it definitely wasnt that#more like animal crossing with an explore / battle mode?#and you could only pick from 3 characters#mom played with me. i was surprised.#. next dream#exploring a minecraft like world. big mansion#somehow end up in hell#i fall down and loose my exit. have to fight invisible ghasts and monsters until i can explore and find a way back#find a way back. no tools. hard to find resources to make a pickaxe in this mansion.#im with a bunch of people and mocked for not being able to find twigs#someone destroys a chair and hands me a bundle of twigs#i know the next step is to go punch a tree but all the trees growing here are pretty and i dont want to#later theres some ceremony. funeral maybe but with more religious undertones?#i have to wear a dress#and am handed heavy dangly earrings to wear#after i mourn and gather myself. some sort of special symbolism.#i take longer to mourn than the crowd of others would like#wearing the earrings themselves feels like tremendous grief to me. the weight of doing something I Am Not.#then they ask me to put on eyeshadow too#all of this in a very feminine way mind you#i tear tf out of there and flee#i run into more people in the hallway. somehow this place ends up being the church i grew up in
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blah blah blah blah blah
#i have real thoughts rn i am just so overwhelmed with feeling that this is all that can come out#tldr: i wish i could just spend my time traveling and treating women how they Deserve to be treated (well. loved)#thinking about how many people i see who are so deeply sad#thinking about how many ppl ive had a positive impact on even if we ended on terrible terms#thinking about how many more people i could help if i just had the resources ....#thinking about how fucked the psychiatric industry is and how so many therapists suck#thinking about how i actually love being the mommy therapist friend a lot of the time and my limits surrounding that really just come from-#-the fact i Dont have the resources to do this for everyone bc i also have to manage other things in life and work and such#thinking about how if i could i would actually do free emotional labor like. all the time.#thinking about how much it sucks i cant do this#thinking about how much i want to hold every sad girl i see on my dash and let them cry into my arms until they cant anymore#thinking about how much i love my friends#thinking about how much I love...... everyone i meet#not in the like Romantic way but in the “oh hello. you crossed my path. i love you. i love you. i love you. thank you for being alive” way#thinking about all the people who have harmed me and how i Still feel so much love for all of them#thinking of the strangers who have been both rude and kind to me and how much i think of them. how deeply i hope they're still alive.#it..... hurts to love this much ngl#but pushing it down feels worse and im full of this feeling of tender frustration????? because of it#i love that i have so many people who allow me to love them and love me in return#i want to reach through the screen and kiss every follower and mutual and person i follow on the forehead and tell them I love them#i wish i could express more love for people w/o them falling In love with me or being weirded out thinking im In Love w/ them....#i wish i could express better that its not that im aromantic but that i just have so much love at my baseline that its hard for me to-#-Fall in love unless we constantly are talking and communicating and like. working to that together without sounding like a jerk or like im+#+a saint. im not a saint. im not. i just love you. ):#ANYWAY sorry for all those feelings if i didnt get them out i was gonna explode#that also definitely wasnt really a tldr
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Some of y'all can't handle the concept of certain abuses existing in the first place, muchless a character who went through that abuse and is now showing realistic symptoms of said abuse.
"we need more traumatized characters/characters with ptsd and/or who are abuse victims portrayed realistically with symptoms that Arent cute and soft and pretty!" you guys couldnt even handle lapis lazuli
#i am tired and upset#i have two wips in which the characters went through the same truama i did#i gave them both a lot of my symptoms and triggers#now one i have posted a few chapters of and it's been fine but it to this point hasnt been very...'gritty' shall we say#it still meets the definition of a certain type of abuse but it's been fairly clinical thus far#the other#the other i dont know if i will post it becaus it is much more emotionally charged and less clinical#in it the mc becomes triggered by seeing a small child and realizing how small and young he was when he was abused#which isn't a thing most people want to be faced with#but it is my reality and it is the reality of unfortunately a large amount of people#and i believe we deserve stories that feature people like us with triggers like ours#but#the amount of people who arent ready for those is...also a lot#people want realistic trauma stories until they are faced with the concept of abuse happening to children they want to turn away from that#and understandably so#but many of us cant turn away because it is our reality and while writing gives externalization and processing#it also opens us up to being harrassed and bullied because people take their discomfort about those topics#and rather than acknowledging that those things happening to children is wrong and can be prevented#they turn away from it and accuse us of glorifying abuse or accuse us of being the same as the people who hurt us#they dont want to face and accept the idea that those stories come from a place of personal experience because then#theyre faced with our realities that these things happen to children#so instead they look away and say 'no thats not realistic youre just being gross'#people want realistic trauma stories until theyre faced with realistic trauma#screaming into the void#im tired of being a quiet victim#anyone wanna take a guees what trauma im refering to? ill give you a hint you cant search it on tumblr anymore#its restricted so if anyone needs help or resources check out rainn.org they have a lot of good resources and definitions there#and please more than anything know that you are not alone
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the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell
#not enough to go to therapy but at least now i know what i should work on#correct me if i'm wrong but most people probably don't start to feel suicidal if there's like. a problem at work#i've been asked to support the back office and help with managing cases which is okay i guess. but i'm not a support team person so#i don't know how to do a lot of things despite using the learning resources provided by the workplace#and this one case i'm handling was rather easy on the surface. no info in sys so parcel can't move forward. ask origin to release data. eas#but then origin says that they can't because they get an error message when putting in receiver's acc number. ruh roh#if origin can't release data no one can. i've asked them to handle it with IT but had no response. in the meantime the other involved CS#started getting involved and now a production in a factory is stopped. and i know it's not my fault but i could've done better#acted faster. thought smarter. and i hate this kind of responsibility. and that i care too much#i've cried so much today i'm so tired. from the stress of this task i've been given and because of the IT issues popping in all the time no#i logged into work 45 minutes late because the VPN i've been using shit itself and i had to get a backup one#i should've gotten it installed ages ago but nooo let's do that laterrrrr you definitely won't regret that#i hate having to put up with this bitch (me) .#another thing is. it's currently summer vacation season so i'll have to brace myself for more support work to come. it's probably gonna go#just as bad if not worse. i'm so not cut out for this. i'll have to ask my boss if he can move me to a different service#so i can have an excuse like sorry i can't help i'm no longer associated with tnt~#but that's gonna have to wait until he;s back from his vacation in august . oh well#also all this stress might result in me getting something akin to an ED#my stress response other than crying and shaking is not feeling hunger. i ate something substantial at 5pm and had breakfast at 6am#between that i had two small pieces of candy and water#i'm already bad at feeding myself or at the very least eating nutritious food . this could make me worse#“oh but kav everyone makes mistakes and it's important to learn from them! keep fighting!” bitch i don't want to i didn't sign up for this#if i wanted to work for Support Team i'd have applied there. i did not wish to get involved with them and their work#sorry i needed to get this out of my system. i'll probably complain to some irls too but i might be able to do that without crying now#laments#<- i think this is going to be my vent tag
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I started my new job at my university library yesterday!! It was just training and then some more training today. I'm a graduate assistant so technically I'm a supervisor, which is pretty nerve wracking, but the job seems super chill once I get the hang of it. I'm supposed to be doing weekend shifts, but most of the student workers graduated and some are on vacation, so they need more help. Luckily summer classes haven't started yet so I don't mind. I'm so glad I was able to get this job. I've always wanted to work in a library and I'm finally here. I'm not going to take this for granted. I'm so happy that everyone seems super friendly as well. This is gonna be great!
#it's so cool learning about the different resources in the library and the different books they have#i want to get back into reading physical books so I can't wait to get more into that#my supervisor seems really nice#i haven't met all of the staff yet but it's looking like a cool environment#I wonder how I'm gonna fare when my summer classes start#I'm glad I'm gonna be able to get out the house and be in a friendly environment#who will except me as I am#also this is the first time I'm using my real pronouns (she/they) in real life#they asked if I wanted to put them on my name tag and I said YES#I was honestly really nervous#this is definitely a big step for me in accepting myself and making my presence known in the world#i live in texas so it's a pretty big deal#I can't wait to see my name tag#I'm gonna have to leave it at work so my family never accidentally sees it#anyways this is really cool#I'm excited about where I am in life right now and even more excited about my future#new job#library job#library#grad school#nonbinary#lgbtq
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always fun to see reading-teaching discourse bc my experience of learning to read was so far removed from any of the methods ive seen discussed.
to make a long story short, eyesight so bad you cant read a whiteboard (drastic understatement) plus sensory overload problems, auditory processing issues, and genuine misophonia means actual learning in a classroom was essentially just not a thing for me until much later, so the phonics tapes i had to sit through were wasted on me and in fact the overlapping sounds of almost thirty kindergarteners all repeating syllables and sounds slightly out of sync with each other drove my tiny self to the brink of madness and murderous rage. good thing i had already learned to read in a bizarre brute-force method or i wouldve been fucked.
my grand method that i had stumbled into a few years before, was extensively examining (at inches-from-my-face range) a cardboard thing my household had with the uppercase and lowercase letters on it, learning the shapes and which sets went together, getting the names of the letters from my mother, and then annoying whatever adult was around quite a lot by paging through a dictionary, squinting at it from way too close, and going "How do you say this word: L-E-T-T-E-R-S." within the year appended immediately by "No I don't need the meaning just say it." after i painstakingly gained enough words that most of the definitions and sample sentences more or less made sense, and the ones that didnt, i could exhaustively do dives on the words in a definition until i found an synonym that did make sense and work my way back up from there. i would usually check the pronunciation of a given word with a few different adults to bc of differences in their accents.
the effect of this is that for a long time (well into my teens) the natural state of my reading included almost every word read or written being prefaced with a quick internal recitation of its letters, and lacked the 'internal voice' apparently most people 'hear' when they read.
which might sound weird for some people i guess but the end result was fluid enough to get me through multiple books a day so. misophonia wins ig. i have checked out the historical stuff and do agree phonics is the way to go for vast majority of kids and cueing is a crutch that doesnt need to be taught as foundational bc of its flaws. but also bc if someone needs it they will come up with those & related strategies organically.
#anyway it turns out my method is great for brute-force memorizing strings of letters and apparently inadvertently masking subclinical#dyslexia but like. some of that was on the school bc by being 'ahead' i ended up straight up not being put in reading groups / not having m#reading examined more closely for years lol. i would learn related words by recognizing strings of letters and comparing definitions for#connections. ended up learning root words instead of what long and short vowels are. i also do understand why people were wary of#how phonics would impact accent and the classism etc intertwined there i find that understandable. not so much the idol worship and like#commercialized scams side of the equation tho. and i recognize my method only worked by virtue of having the resources and the adults#having the time. learning that reading could provide actually engaging stories was the biggest roadblock bc before then i hadnt bothered#and after that i went from picture books to jurassic park within a few years of spending hours a day working with the dictionary.#never underestimate what need for any escape from the already clawing boredom can do to a person
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Hey, I saw your tags on the one post about abuse, and I wanted to reach out and say that I also struggled a lot and hurt a lot of people during a very low part of my life - and I’m proud of you, and of me, for doing our best to change ❤️🫂 I hope recovery for you is going well, brother, and that you have a great day/night. 🫶
aw thank you !! 🥺 same to you, homie. i hope everything's going well, & i'm proud of you for doing your best, too <3 🫂
it's been hard, especially since i lost my most recent job a year or two ago at this point, which has kind of put my brain into an isolative bubble. but i'm definitely still trying to be my best possible self.
#ask#ive been keeping myself out of social spaces for a long time to avoid relapsing. but i don't think my isolation is doing me too many favors.#so i'm trying to open up again. and that's been hard. but i'm doing my best#i've been doing better about catching my shitty behavior and i'm slowly getting used to like. going back on the shit i say#and apologizing for it. because i know it's shitty. and it feels shitty for me to backpedal.#especially when i try so hard not to say shit i don't mean lmao- i go so far as to make a point in speaking in definitives 🥴#because at the end of the day. i Don't know everything. and for me to confidently say that i know something only to be proven incorrect#damages my pride ig lmao- & i have my mom 2 thank 4 that mindset 🥴 tho that's no excuse for me to stay shitty.#i don't Want to be too proud to admit my faults. & i'm creeping and crawling away from that attitude.#it's been easier since my mom's been doing the same; she's trying her best to do better. and i can tell that she's trying.#she's more patient with my snippiness than she used to be. and that's been a big help.#we're all doing the best we can. especially with the resources we have; some are better off than others.#but we're all still trying our best to not be shitty.#(unrelated but on the note of not speaking in definitives. one lady was asking if i could add a gift card to her already-in-progress order-)#(& i said 'im not sure if i can do that' & so i asked my manager & she also said 🤷♂️. & when she came up & asked the customer what was up)#(the customer said ''ur cashier (me) said i couldn't add this to my order when other people have done it for me'')#(& i said '...thats not what i said.' & she said 'yes it was. u said i couldn't do this' & my manager was like 'w/e we'll do it this way')#(& i had 2 stop myself from doubling down & telling the customer that i make a point not to speak in definitives-)#(-therefore i Know for a Fact that i said ''i'm not sure.'' lmao. of all the things i was sure of in that transaction. that was it. lol)
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I still wonder about the people who double down on communism... and not even like me when I was younger where I got (not the full extent, but got) that the soviet union and such were awful, but just thought that maybe with less terrible people at the helm it could work (later realizing that these kind of things always have power hungry people rise to the top) Anyway, no I just don't get the "well see, you've admitted your great grandpa owned a chicken, sounds like he deserved to die" people... like the fuck is there even to gain here about being smug while dying on a particularly stupid hill?
#I'm not even gonna try and define what I am with this stuff#cause see; everyone's decided that these terms have super solid cut and dry definitions#when it's like man... people obviously use the same terms to describe wildly different things#you're just being pig headed if you don't accept that and work off what they're saying rather than latching onto a single word#but pig headed they be; so no tossing out single words to latch on to#So what I think is that some level of welfare is both good and also required#and that currency is one of the more effective ways to distribute resources and labor without a whole lot of headache#I want social programs; and if your no details given ask me if I want more or less I'm gonna lean towards more#because apart from the humanitarian point of view; from and economic point of view I think poor people spend money cause they need to#so I think giving benefits; giving health insurance; giving a universal basic income#all end up being good ways to slush money through the system; because things like hospitals benefit from steady use#you want people to have access to them; because that's how they continue to operate#and I think that theft or not taxes are a fact; and I'd rather they go to shit like that#(and I still say senators and the house should only have the healthcare and pay they'd normally qualify for)#(see how long medicaid for all takes to pass if they don't get special insurance; ya dig?)#so that's my point of view; businesses are good; regulation is good; welfare is good; government accountability and transparency are good#I have some terms I could mash together to kinda describe it; but I won't cause that's a fool's errand#so you assign whatever term you want for that in your head; I ain't naming it#but tankies are dumb as shit; I'll say that much; just kinda cruel for the sake of getting a chance to be the one being cruel
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