#Then there’s that section that’s magenta | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

minhosimthings · 5 months ago

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A study in Tea || I.N (18+)

Synopsis: An innocent date to a tea shop takes a wild turn when you and Jeongin stumble upon aphrodisiacs.

Pairings: bf!Jeongin × fem!reader

Warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI 18+, p in v, rough sex, oral (f), fingering, roughdom!Jeongin, spanking, hair pulling, thigh riding, needy reader, USE OF APHRODISIAC, jeongin being a hot little shit

A/N: not gonna say anything yall enjoy the porn

"Oh look at that one!" You excitedly pointed out a light blue sachet of tea, placed high and proper on a pedestal. Beneath it was a plaque which read 'Butterfly Pea Flower'.

"Doesn't this turn pink when you add orange juice or something?" Jeongin eyed the tiny tea flakes in the sample cup wearily, as if it would hop out and attack him at any moment. You rolled your eyes at his utmost ignorance.

"I think you mean lemon juice." You corrected him in a matter-of-fact voice, "Ugh just leave me in this place forever!" You bounced up and down on your heel, excitedly looking at all the colourful sachets of teas, coffees and chocolates surrounding you.

Cute, Jeongin thought.

"Am I going to be spending money on dried leaves all day?" Jeongin peered at yet another sachet suspiciously, to which you rolled your eyes, and pointed towards your handbag.

"I have my own money, you know?" You chuckled, going back to skipping through the aisles to find something you like. But Jeongin shook his head.

"Now what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I let the love of my life spend money huh?" He said, placing his hand on his chest as if the mere thought of you spending money was nothing short of a scandalous affair.

"Ooh let's look there." You said, completely ignoring him as soon as your eye caught a magnificent section filled with different hues of pinks and reds. Your boyfriend complied, letting you drag him wherever you wanted.

After all, he was the one who had suggested going to ‘that aesthetic shop’ three blocks down as a date in the first place.

Jeongin admired you while you happily moved through the vast ocean of bold reds and calm maroons, each shade getting inkier as you moved along to the end of the tea section. A soft smile appeared on his face everytime you excitedly pointed at a sachet of tea, rambling for a minute about everything you knew about the fragrant tea leaves sitting in the free trial cup. To any stranger, he would have looked like a madman, going insane out of his love for you.

You, on the other hand, were immersed in reading the titles of each different tea. A mischievous smirk (which your beloved didn't notice), appeared on your face as you reached some of the darker magenta packets. They were outlined in a different kind of font than the other. They were bolder, more tantalising, and to simply put it—sexier. But that smirk was also combined with an involuntary blush, one that Jeongin, with his sharp, fox-like eyes, noticed immediately.

“Now which non-existent man here just made my baby blush hm?” He inched closer to you, placing his nose close to your neck, inhaling your scent, “I’ll fight him with my bare hands.”

“Chivalry exists after all.” You giggled, when you felt his strong arms wrap around your waist as if they were magnets which had been torn away from their iron. Goosebumps erupted on your skin, when Jeongin pressed a particularly wet kiss on the curve of your neck, sucking on it with his plump lips. You were thankful that not a lot of people were in the shop and the employees were on the other side of the store.

“Innie.” You said in a waning tone, hoping it concealed your shaky voice, by god did he make you melt into his hands with a single kiss, “We are in public.”

“And?” Jeongin questioned, teasing your waist with his moving fingers painting invisible murals, “Didn't really stop you from staring at those—what were they called?” He glanced over your shoulder at the teas, “Love potions.”

You felt your cheeks burn, not out of embarrassment, but from the way Jeongin spoke in that alluringly low voice of his, bringing it down a few octaves just to send ripples through your body. He had you trapped in his arms as well, his lips free to attack your neck like a starved man lusting for food.

“How about—” You felt his grip loosen (only slightly), “—we test these out at home hm?”

==============================

“Don’t drink it yet!” You slapped Jeongin’s hand away from the steaming cup of tea, “The instructions say we need to wait for five minutes for—” You stopped in the middle of your words, taking a breath before speaking, “—for the effect to fully register.”

“Oh the effect will register alright.” Jeongin smirked, his dimple appearing on his face, “But what should we do while we’re waiting hm?”

“You really wanna ruin the magical adventure of drinking this, don’t you?” You bit your lip, eyes flickering down to his swollen ones (the parking lot was an amazing place for a messy makeout). Jeongin scrunched his nose, making you chuckle.

“I’ve never even heard of these things.” Jeongin glanced down at the mugs filled with lilac-coloured liquid, “Aphrodisiacs huh?” He chuckled darkly, “Shame that we didnt know about it before, imagine all the fun we could have had.” Jeongin noticed your awkward smile and the way you avoided his eyes. He raised his brow at you.

“Don’t tell me you knew.” He groaned on seeing your smile widen, “And you seriously never told me?”

“Well would you look at that, it's been five minutes.” You said quickly, grabbing the mugs and shoving one of them in Jeongin’s hand, “Cheers!” You clinked your mug with his.

Jeongin smirked into his cup before lifting it to his lips, pretending to pour it down his throat. He eyed you from a corner, silently musing over the way you were forcing yourself to drink it. It must have tasted horrible, a fact which he used as an opportunity.

“Fuck—i can’t drink the rest.” He said, loud enough for you to hear it. He proceeded to walk over to the sink and dump the entire tea in, making it look like he had only drunk half.

“Me neither.” He heard you groan, following in his footsteps and dumping only a little amount of tea into the sink. You wiped your mouth with the back of our hand, sticking out your tongue in a disgusted manner.

“We did not just waste our money on that horrible thing.” You said, “I need sugar right now.’

“Woah, hold on.” Jeongin grabbed your wrist, pulling you closer to him, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “Didn't the instructions say it wouldn't work if you ate anything after drinking it?”

“Welp.” you shrugged your shoulders in defeat, “Guess we have to wait then.” you turned around to face the counter and your eyes landed on the ripped packet of tea laying on the granite surface. ‘Effective in less than a second!’ was written in front in cream, coloured italic letters, to complement the magenta colour of the packaging.

What a scam, you thought, wondering why you weren't immediately feeling the urge to go ham crazy on Jeongin right in the middle of the kitchen.

If only you knew what would happen later.

============================================

“Ugh fucking hell....” You said, rubbing your forehead with your fingers, did the living room always smell so much like Jeongin’s cologne?

“You okay babe?” He asked, looking up from the book he was reading. He had noticed you constantly bringing your hand up to your head, in an attempt to soothe your nerves. Was this a side effect of the tea? Jeongin wondered. You were sitting only a few inches from him, with your feet slightly touching his.

“Why do you smell so good right now?” You asked him, albeit you had to admit that you were technically asking yourself that. Jeongin chuckled darkly, and put his book down on the table, crawling over to you on the sofa. His arms automatically wrapped around your waist.

“You sure you’re alright baby?” He asked again, this time inching his face closer to yours, “Do you wanna get to bed–”

Jeongin’s sentence faded into a groan, the sound deep and raw, and before you could pull away from your sudden attack on his lips, his hand moved to the back of your neck, pulling you back to him, his lips crashing against yours with a carnal hunger. You felt the heat too, the urgency that was beginning to rise between you so suddenly.

You felt his tongue caressing the inside of your mouth, tracing the shape of your teeth, stroking your own tongue, coaxing it to move with his. A soft moan escapes you when the kiss becomes more intense, Jeongin's slender tongue effortlessly sliding into your mouth and dominating the kiss, arousal pooling between your thighs while your mind fogs with lust, the feeling of his hands burning into your skin as you think you're going to go mad with desire.

The aphrodisiac worked after all, a small voice at the back of your head said. You felt your head grow light from the lack of air, but still, you were locked in the kiss, unable to pull away, unable to do anything but respond to him.

“c’mere, baby,” he murmured, voice heavy with arousal. You shifted forward, practically climbing onto his lap, pulling a groan from deep within him. Your entire body moved on its own accord, as if you had come alive for the first time; your mouth worked against his and you circled your hips against his and you were consumed entirely by him.

He kissed back more firmly this time. His fingers dug into your hip and you sighed into his mouth in response. He took this as a good sign, moving his hand around to palm at your ass.

He gives an experimental roll of his thigh, and the friction against your clothed core draws a sharp gasp from your lips. The sensation is maddening, just enough to stoke the fire that’s been smoldering inside you, but not nearly enough to satisfy.

You brought your left hand to his shoulder, fisting your fingers in the fabric there and pulling him closer. He understood your intention eased up on your lips and began a slow trek towards your collar bone, leaving a love bite there that had you gasping. He kissed down the low lying neckline of your oversized shirt, which covered your thighs. Jeongin’s fingers reached below the shirt, hitching it up to your bustline, and ghosting over the skin there,

As if you had unconsciously understood him, you raised your arms up to give him better access. Jeongin smirked as he pulled your shirt off the top of your head in one swift motion, leaving you in your bra and panties.

His hands eagerly travelling across the exposed skin you just revealed, fingers dancing across your lower abdomen before reaching your lower back and up, swiftly unclasping your bra and pulling it off while your lips meet his passionately, both of you smiling into it to start with.

You gasped at his touch, your hands moving in the hair at the back of his head, fingers winding through the strands, nails dragging at his scalp. The adrenaline racing up your spine made you feel like you might vibrate out of your skin. Jeongin’s eyes darkened at the sight of your perked up nipples.

“So fucking needy for me.” he mumbles, a hand coming around to let you wrap your arms around him. As soon as your weight falls on his thigh again, your mouth falls agape, and your forehead falls on his shoulder. Your breathing gets heavier, softly rubbing your lower half on his thigh.

“You alright baby?” Jeongin asked, his hand coming up to rub your back, his leg muscle unintentionally flexing under you. You let out a loud gasp at the sudden stimulation. Though you had ridden him multiple times before, this one felt so much more different. So much more ravenous.

You continued to move on his thigh, finally finding the spot, your clit rubbing against his thigh. Jeongin’s eyes continued to eye you up and down, lingering for a long time at the sight of your naked breasts bouncing up and down rhythmically.

“Such a good girl, you're such a good angel,” He said, now feeling the strain on his grey sweats.

The heat off of him felt so nice. You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck. Your bare chest pressed against him. You slowly caressed the skin on his back. Turning your head up, he turned his gaze down and your eyes met. A moment savoured just before you leaned in and you kissed. You lingered before you both pulled back just slightly.

His thigh rubbed your cunt just right, making the right amount of friction. You buck your hips to grind against him, moaning out. “Ngh…fuck..” You grasp at his shoulders and grind harder, your shame got thrown out the window. You were dripping on his pants at this point, your stomach forming a burning knot.

"Innie," you groan when he cups your breasts, squeezing firmly but not too hard, his fingers grazing over your nipples and pulling on them softly, dragging more sinful noises out of you. "I need you," You sigh out, lolling your head back as he toys with your boobs shamelessly with his long, sleek fingers, smirking against your skin at the feeling of your hips grinding against him harder, needing to ease the incessant throb between your legs, the intolerable heat that only he could help you with.

“Please, please, need your fingers,” you pant like you’re in heat. The tea was working its wonders on you, which Jeongin was highly pleased to see.

Like mercy from God, his middle finger leaves through your folds. It simply strokes up and down for a little while, focusing fleetingly on your sensitive nub before tracing around your entrance, making you whimper desperately. You closed your eyes and exhaled softly, when you felt his cold fingers against your wet folds.

"So wet for me, honey?" His rhetorical questions were turning you on even more. His dominance knew no bounds and so did his fingers, that were gently rubbing your labia. Everything around you started fading away, the only thing you could focus on was Jeongin and his fingers on your pussy.

You lost yourself when he slowly inserted his finger inside, finally making you moan properly (just the way he liked it) and burying your face into Jeongin’s clavicles, desperate arms scratching at his back.

“Oh you like that don't you?” He grinned, watching your poorly hidden scrunched face as he felt your throbbing arousal. You started seeing stars even so your eyes were tightly closed. Wet juicy sounds wafted through the living room and for a moment, you forgot where you are or what your name is.

Jeongin’s curling inside you picked up the pace, his hot breaths turned into chuckling, as he felt your clenching around him. You let out a loud moan, your chest was moving rapidly, as you tried to catch your breath.

But Jeongin wouldn't let you have your fun. And soon enough his fingers had left your panting pussy faster than you could comprehend anything.

“Innie!” You cried, edging towards him, with a shocked expression on your face, “Why would you—”

He didn't let you complete your sentence properly, choosing to make you fade it into a pleasured scream, when his hand collided with your rear with a loud smack, jolting you forward slightly. You whimper at the pain but find oddly that there’s a sensation. You find yourself moaning softly, and now magically laying on your stomach.

Thwack, thwack, thwack. He delivers a few more. With each one, the feeling is more pleasant, your skin tingling under his ministrations. He takes a moment, gently rubbing up and down your back, almost like he’s soothing you. He feels you rising and falling with your sharp breaths under his hand. You’re mortified at how much you’re liking this. Perhaps it was because of the tea.

“Dirty little slut.” he taunts, smacking you once more, eliciting a guttural groan from you, “Who’d have thought that my sweet baby would love this so much?” Jeongin’s warm breath on your ear tickles you.

He shifts slightly and then chuckles deeper, noticing a dark wet patch on your underwear. “You’re really liking this,” his hand settles between your cheeks, rubbing at your clothed heat. You whimper and arch your back. “You’re soaking darling,” he coos. “I’ve barely even touched you and you’re a whimpering mess,” he moves his hand up to pull down your underwear, it peels slowly away from your core, the cool air hitting your wetness and making you shiver.

Jeongin grips your hips tightly and shifts your position to lay on your back, the soft material of the sofa providing a sort of comfort to your skin, which was already bruised by the multiple kisses that had escaped from your boyfriend's mouth. You watch as he takes off his shirt and pulls down his trousers, exposing his hard cock, dying to burst out of his boxers. Jeongin's cock is oozing with precum, and you can see the dampness spreading on his boxers as he slowly takes them off, coming to rest between your legs. You hook one leg each over either shoulder, bringing yourself closer to him.

You stretch a bit uncomfortably in this position, but any discomfort fades away the moment he leans forward and licks from your entrance to the top of your clit. A loud moan escapes you as his warm, wet tongue makes contact with your pussy. You sigh into the sensation, your eyes fluttering shut as you tangle your fingers in his hair, anchoring yourself as you urge him deeper. His tongue glides up your folds, skillfully, occasionally pausing to plant soft kisses on your clit. He encircles your clit and sucks, pulling whimpering pleas from your mouth.

“That feel good, baby?” He murmurs, making you whine in response.

“Yes, i-it feels real-really good!” You choked out as his tongue began burrowing into your core, sliding in and out with a wet sound that set your nerve endings on fire.

“Oh, my God, Jeongin!” You cry as you feel the tension in your belly tighten, your thighs tremble warningly, and he grabs firmly onto your thighs so he can make them squeeze his head to lock himself in place.

“Fuck, yes!” You whine, clenching your thighs around his head as your back arches from the pleasure of your release. Jeongin laps sloppily at your folds, drinking your sweet nectar greedily, refusing to stop until you’re begging him to quit. “Innie—I–ahhhh.” You sigh weakly, your body jolting with every languid stroke of his tongue.

Jeongin groans against you, sending delicious vibrations coursing through your body as you tug on his hair, lost in the pleasure. You find yourself grinding your hips forward, desperately seeking more contact as your arousal drips down his chin like a waterfall.

You didn't really notice the way Jeongin’s eyes trailed darkly up your body, or the way he lapped up the arousal he had collected on his chin from your heavenly pussy. You didn't notice, until he was laying on top of you, his naked body sprawled out in a magnificent display. You practically drooled.

“Poor baby.” Jeongin cooed at you, cupping your cheek with his hand and leaning forward to place a kiss to your nose, “Do you need my cock, darling?”

You knew he was taunting you, mocking you even, for being so needy for him, but you didn't mind, how could you? When the delicious tip of his naked cock was teasing your throbbing labia so much. You couldn't even say anything, choosing to remain silent and enjoy his teasing.

“Come on now.” Jeongin urged you, smirking, “Be a good girl for me,” He lowered his hips so that his cock was an inch deep in your cunt making you gasp loudly, “and beg for my cock.”

“Please Innie,” You whined, grabbing his bicep with your right hand and squeezing it, “Please–need you so bad.”

That was all it took for his massive cock to completely split you open. Jeongin thrusts his whole length into you, black dots cover your vision at the feeling of it.

You whimper at the new angle, struggling to accommodate his impressive girth. As your walls squeeze around him, trying to adapt, he uses more force to push deeper, stretching you further. The sensation is intense, almost overwhelming, as it feels like you’re being torn open, split in half by his thickness.

“S-shit it’s like you’re fucking choking my cock” he grunts out, looking at the slight bulge in your lower stomach. The sight is enough to make him cum right then and there. You nod, babbling incoherently into his ear. Your skin takes on a feverish sheen, but you don’t care. All you care about is the feeling of his cock slamming into you and how his arms flex with every thrust.

Jeongin doesn't give you any adjustment time, his thrusts are hard and quick, his one hand moves to your head, he grabs a fist full of your hair and puts your head back making your arch your back. He smirks at you like he was testing a theory and he was right about it. He lets go over your hair and moves to your neck. Your eyes widen as he pushes harder and harder against your neck.

“Ah, fuck!” Tears are already dripping down your face onto the sofa. His cock is so big, long and hard and he makes your pussy and tummy feel so full of him.

“I’ve got you–fuckkk.” he soothes and moans his pleasure out simultaneously, fucking you at an impossible pace. This hedonistic feeling was heaven on earth.

All you can answer with are moans as they slip off your lips. Your mind goes blank as all you can do is focus on the feel of him stretching you, filling you up, so overwhelmed with bliss already. He thrusts deeper inside you, earning whines and moans as you continue to cry out his name. You try to tell Jeongin, breathlessly, about how good he makes you feel. The sound of your pleasure fuels his desire to fuck you better, urging him to do more. He picks up his pace, thrusting into you quicker, harder, hitting the spot that has your body going numb.

You claw at the sofa's material, burying your face into the crook of his neck to muffle your screams. The air is all stuffy around you as his hips move faster, you whine as you try to push back your hips against his to take more of his thick cock. He moans at the sight, kneading your ass as he tries to bury himself more inside you, the tip hitting your cervix instantly. Your eyes roll back inside your head as you dig your fingers more into the sofa, you mewl at the overwhelming pleasure he’s giving you.

“F-fuck fuck fuck, this feels so goood—” The sentence doesn’t even fully come out from your mouth.

He's so deep inside you, your legs are shaking. He doesn't stop though, instead of his regular thrusts he does small ones so he can stay buried inside you. He stays like that for a while just slowly fucking you, you start to get annoyed, you want more. More of him.

"Baby, please."

"What do you want, princess?" He looks at your drooping eyes.

"Harder please harder." Jeongin chuckles at your pathetic words.

"Fuck" You say breathless as he begins rubbing and thrusting into you once more. Jeongin bites and kisses your ear and your neck. You hold in your moans but can't help the few squeals and whimpers that escape your lips. He whispers the filthiest words known to mankind in your ear, you can't take all the pleasure it's too much.

"I can't" You say but it's barely audible.

"Yes you can baby." Jeongin whispers "Just one more time." He kisses your cheek. You close your eyes tight, your body shakes, your head is fuzzy. "That's a good girl." He praises. "Look at you, cumming for me. Such a good girl." You open your mouth but you can't make a sound.

You cum, hard.

His massive cock and immeasurably hard thrusts were all too much. You came undone with a loud cry, clenching around him as his fingers worked over your clit. The orgasm hit you like a tidal wave and your thighs shook, gripping at the headboard as his breath hitched and he came too, fucking you through it, leaning heavily over your back. You felt your vision turn hazy and gave a moan as you felt him spill inside you, moving your hips what little bit you could into his jagged thrusts, eating up every breathless sound he made by your ear. He pushed into you a couple more times before halting, breathing like a bull behind your head.

His lips peck yours once more before pressing a loving kiss to your temple, his body rolling next to you. You stay like that for a while, sounds of heavy panting filing the air. Your mind racked inside its skull and your eyes started feeling heavy as pure exhaustion hit you like a truck.

You felt Jeongin’s gentle touch pull you closer to him, turning you on your side so that you were more comfortable in his arms. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he waited until you were fully asleep before slowly removing his arms from your body and sneaking into the kitchen, with hastily worn pants.

Jeongin chuckled at the sound of your loud snores, which could be heard even from the kitchen, before he reached into the shopping bag, filled with goodies from the tea shop. Smiling to himself, he collected all the dark maroon packets and quietly tucked them into a cabinet, to keep them absolutely safe and sound.

(And absolutely hidden from you.)

Taglist: @jiyeonslays @gimmeurtummy @hpnsfwaddict @yasuraokaa @sweatyracoon

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 days ago

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We bullied HP into a minor act of disenshittification

I'm on a 20+ city book tour for my new novel PICKS AND SHOVELS. Catch me TORONTO TOMORROW (Feb 23) at Another Story Books, and in NYC on WEDNESDAY (26 Feb) with JOHN HODGMAN. More tour dates here.

Here in the darkest days of the enshittocene, enshittification is low quality and plentiful, but even in this target-rich environment, one company stands out as pioneering champions of enshittification: HP.

Every page in the enshittification playbook was printed in farcically expensive HP ink, and if you try to run a copy off for yourself, the printer will stop five times and force you to print a "calibration page" that is solid color from top to bottom, consuming about $10 worth of ink. Don't like it? Die mad.

HP drips with contempt for its customers. They make printer-scanners that won't scan unless all four ink cartridges are installed and haven't reached their best-before dates. They make printers that won't print black and white if your $50 magenta cartridge is low. They sell you printers with special half-full cartridges that need to be replaced pretty much as soon as the printer has run off its mandatory "calibration" pages. The full-serving ink you buy to replace those special demitasse cartridges is also booby-trapped – HP reports them as empty when they're still 20% full.

HP tricks customers into signing up for irrevocable subscriptions where you have to pay every month, whether or not you print, and if you exceed your subscription cap, the printer refuses to work, no matter how much ink is left. Now, about those HP ink subscriptions. When the company launched them, they offered a pot-sweetener meant to tempt in the wary: a one-price "lifetime subscription" that would let you print 15 pages every month, for so long as you owned the printer. But a couple years later, all those "free ink for life" customers got an email telling them that they were being migrated to a monthly payment plan, and if they didn't like it, they could eat shit and throw away their printers:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/06/horrible-products/#inkwars

HP pioneered the use of copyright law to prevent third parties from refilling ink cartridges or making their own compatible cartridges. Section 1201 of Bill Clinton's Digital Millennium Copyright Act makes it a felony to distribute a "circumvention device" to bypass access controls on a copyrighted work. By designing its cartridges do undertake a little cryptographic handshake with the printer to verify their "authenticity," HP ensures that anyone who markets a bypass device to let you choose which ink you use in your own damn printer is a felon, liable to five years in prison and a $500 fine under DMCA 1201.

Of course, nature finds a way. Hardware hackers have come up with some insanely cool bypass devices for HP printer cartridges, like these paper-thin, flexible, adhesive-backed circuit boards that wrap around third party cartridges, intercepting communications between the printer and a salvaged HP security chip:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/30/life-finds-a-way/#ink-stained-wretches

But HP fights back, and they fight dirty. For example, they periodically push out "security updates" for their printers that break compatibility with third party cartridges. To prevent HP customers from discovering and blocking these fake security updates, HP designs them to lie dormant for months after installation, until everyone has clicked "OK," and then all those Manchurian Printers wake up and betray their owners by refusing to use their ink:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

All of this has allowed HP to monotonically raise – and raise – and raise – the price of printer ink to the point where it is now the most expensive fluid a civilian can purchase without a permit. Printer ink now runs over $10,000/gallon, meaning that you print out your grocery lists with colored water that costs more than the semen of a Kentucky Derby winner.

HP is truly the poster child for enshittification, and also, patient zero in the enshittification pandemic:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/18/ink-stained-wretches/#hache-pe

HP's enshittificatory impulses run wild. They hunt relentlessly for ways to make things worse for their customers in order to make things better for themselves. Last week, they came up with a humdinger, even by their own standards. They announced that people who called their customer service line would be subject to mandatory 15-minute waits, even if there was a rep who was free to talk with them:

https://www.theregister.com/2025/02/20/hp_deliberately_adds_15_minutes/

During this mandatory 15-minute wait, customers would be bombarded with a recorded voice demanding that they solve their problems by consulting HP's website and its awful chatbots. In a competitive market, businesses can contain their customer service costs by making better products. In a monopolistic market like the printer racket, companies can deliberately introduce maddening antifeatures to their products, and then fob off the customers who reach such a peak of frustrated rage that they resort to calling a customer support number on chatbot that will use its spicy autocomplete to hallucinate nonexistent drivers and imaginary troubleshooting steps.

When I saw this, I thought, whelp, that's HP all right. Shameless.

But they're not entirely shameless. Within a day of Paul Kunert breaking the story in The Register, HP had reversed its policy, citing "feedback" (a corporate euphemism that means "fury"):

https://www.theregister.com/2025/02/21/hp_ditches_15_minute_wait_time_call_centers/

This is a rare win for the forces of disenhittification and it deserves recognition. It turns out that in these Mangionean times, companies can actually be bullied into comporting themselves with marginally less sleaze and cruelty. It's especially noteworthy that this took place in the UK, where Prime Minister Kier Starmer has invited tech companies to pick Britons' pockets without fear of consequence, by firing the top competition regulator and replacing him with the former head of Amazon UK:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/22/autocrats-of-trade/#dingo-babysitter

Even in these degraded times, we can get these fuckers. When Sonos enshittifies its smart speakers, we can get its CEO fired:

https://www.theverge.com/2025/1/13/24342179/sonos-ceo-patrick-spence-resignation-reason-app

When Unity sticks its hand in the pockets of every game dev in the world, we can get its entire executive team shitcanned:

https://venturebeat.com/games/john-riccitiello-steps-down-as-ceo-of-unity-after-pricing-battle/

It doesn't always work. Enshittifiers rack up some Ws, and make bank even as they immiserate 500 million users (looking at you, Steve Huffman – the people have long memories):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2023_Reddit_API_controversy

But if we can bully the psychotic monsters who populate HP's Executive Row out of their enshittificatory plans, then it's worth trying it every time.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/02/22/ink-spattered-pitchforks/#racehorse-semen

#pluralistic #hp #enshittification #ai #chatbots #customer service #angry mobs #pitchforks #sonos #reddit #ripoffs #disenshittification #counting coup

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taylorswiftstyle · 4 months ago

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The Eras Tour | Acoustic section | Version 8

Roberto Cavalli custom

The acoustic set dress has now had three design iterations, but eight total variants (accounting for different coloured versions for each design). The first was a ruffly, high/low, cold-shoulder number by Jessica Jones - a longtime costume designer for Taylor who did many of the costumes on the 1989 Tour and all of them for the reputation Tour. To have brought her back into the fold for the Eras Tour felt like such a warm and lovely nod, indeed, to eras past.

When the tour kicked back in for its revamped set during its European stint, Taylor swapped her acoustic dress design out for one by Roberto Cavalli. This second design did away with the sleeve detail (too many Errors Tour moments during an on-stage quick change) but kept the high/low silhouette. It also reworked the ruffle design into something lighter and breezier - a chiffon that I guessed might work better for humid summer nights in Europe.

Which brings us to this third version. This iteration takes the second design by Roberto Cavalli, slightly shortens the front of the high/low for an even more dramatic effect, adds a ton of glittery crystals, and dip dyes it into an ombre of “magenta, purple, petroleum, and midnight blue” according to the designer. The ombre effect very much reminds me of some of the fringed dresses Taylor would wear on the reputation Tour which had many iterations and colours. At first, a part of me wondered if the ombre element was a way of nodding to how the acoustic section provides the opportunity for a song from just about any album to be played. But if so, I think there was a more elegant and all-encompassing way to nod to all the colours associated with the eras. I think the crystals were a great addition (they sparkled beautifully as she made her swan dive exit) but I think this is giving more betta fish than anything else.

Photo by John Shearer/TAS24 via Getty Images

#taylor swift #tour #dress #roberto cavalli #eras tour

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simplyghosting · 3 months ago

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My watercolor palette who has been through the trenches (she is beautiful to me)

Attempting to paint a hummingbird for my grandmother to slip into her Christmas card. So far so acceptable.

#ghost posts #the top sections have extra paints squeeze in #a purple a sap green magenta Indian red #fun stuff #though usually I just use the originals #end up limiting my mixing space but oh well #threw out the sponge that came with the set #and put in a paper towel that I just fold over until I need to toss it #so far haven’t needed to but it’s getting there

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djarin · 1 year ago

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hi i'm sorry to bother you but do you have any tips on giffing dark indoor scenes? yours always look so good!

hi there! not a bother at all :) i can definitely try to explain the steps i usually take under the cut!

this tutorial will assume that you already know the basic steps of gif-making — if you don't, there are lots of great tutorials floating around on this site that can help you out! :)

here's the gif i'll work with to explain my steps, the bottom being the original and the top being the coloured/brightened version.

before we start, a general tip i recommend keeping in mind: if you want to brighten a dark scene, you'll want to get your hands on the highest quality download you can find. 1080p is decent, but if your laptop can handle 2160p 4k hdr files* without sounding like it's about to explode, that'll get you even better results!

(*colouring hdr 4k files requires a different set of steps — the scene will appear washed-out on photoshop, so you need to make sure that you don't end up whitewashing anyone if you do choose to work with this type of file.)

since most of my downloads are 1080p, i'll use this type of file in this tutorial.

the first step of my gifmaking process with 1080p files is almost always the same no matter what scene i'm giffing. i make a brightness/contrast layer and set the blending mode to screen:

now my gif looks like this:

depending on the scene and how washed out it looks after this layer, i'll play around with the opacity. for this gif, i didn't touch the opacity at all. use your best judgement for this, because every scene is different!

i find that dark indoor scenes are usually tinted in yellow or green. one of my first goals is to try to fix the undertone of this scene before focusing on brightening it any further. i go to colour balance for this, and play around with the midtones, shadows, and highlights.

again, every scene is different, so the amount to which you use colour balance will differ, but for this specific scene, my goal was to neutralize the yellow. i focused particularly on the midtones and shadows of the colour balance layer, moving the scales to the opposite of the reds.

doing so will help with neutralizing the yellow. the only reason i moved the scales towards magenta and blue (therefore making it a bit more red than less) rather than green and yellow in shadows was because i wanted a darker contrast in the blacks. moving them to green and yellow made the overall scene more yellow since there were so many dark spots that shadows affected. (you'll see what i mean when you start experimenting with your own gif — this part of the process really just depends on your preferences!)

our gif might not look that much better yet, but it will soon! our best friend channel mixer is gonna help us out. for an in-depth post about how to use this adjustment layer, i recommend checking out this tutorial.

i'm someone who prefers to make more than one layer for the same adjustment layer for a reason i can't even explain (i just find that it helps me stay more organized). so don't think of this process like i can only use this layer once so i MUST fix it NOW. you can create multiple layers of the same adjustment layer, because every layer on top will affect the ones underneath it.

since my priority is getting rid of the yellow tint, i went to the Blue section of the channel mixer and increased it in all of the scales:

this step alone has helped us out so much, because look at our gif now!

not only does the background look less yellow, but so does izzy's skintone.

now i'm going to focus on trying to brighten the scene even more without destroying the quality. the levels layer can actually help out a lot with this.

the amount to which i move each toggle differs per scene, and i think experimenting depending on your gif works best for this layer.

side note: i prefer not to use the ink droppers on the side because the contrast in the result usually ends up feeling too strong for my preferences, but if you find that this works better for you, then go for it! basically, the first dropper with the black ink should be clicked before you select the darkest part of the scene that you can find, and vice versa for the third dropper with the white ink — click it, and then select the brightest part of your scene.

curves is the next layer that does fantastic work! unlike the levels layer, i do actually use the ink droppers for this. it's the same concept, with the first dropper being used on the darkest part of the scene, and the third dropper on the brightest.

try to think of curves as something that not only further brightens your scene, but also helps with the colour neutralizing process.

i grab the first dropper, then click the darkest parts of the gif that i can see. depending on the undertone of the blacks that you're clicking on, the tint of your gif might actually change significantly. this is why i prefer to click once, then undo the action if i don't like what it gives me. izzy's leather jacket was the sweet spot for this gif.

when i'm satisfied, i make another curves layer and use the third dropper to click the bright/white parts of the scene. for this gif in particular, the lights in the background were a good fit because they carried a yellow undertone — this meant that my curves layer actually helped to further neutralize the yellows in the scene as a whole!

(i manually dragged the curves graph upwards for the third dropper to make it brighter. i don't need to do this if the dropper does this for me automatically, but since the lights were pretty bright, it only changed the tone of the scene and didn't increase the brightness — hence the manual step.)

pat yourself on the back, because this is what our gif looks like now!

this is good, but it's not great — there's still just a bit too much yellow in the scene for my liking (sorry, i'm picky! :P)

i created another channel mixer layer and played with the toggles until i was satisfied:

ta-da! the gif as a whole is much less red/yellow now:

this is when i start fixing the colouring now — namely, his skin tone. selective colour will be your best friend here. i wanted to make his face just a tad brighter and less of a yellow-ish magenta shade, so i focused on the reds and yellows.

then, out of habit, i created another selective colour layer and took out more of the "yellow" in the whites to make them whiter, and increased the black (just by +1, since the contrast is pretty good enough already).

note: i switched to "absolute" for these two colours. basically, relative = less vibrant colour manipulation, and absolute = more vibrant/stronger colour manipulation. i prefer to stick to "relative" for fixing skin-tone since "absolute" can be a bit too strong for that.

our gif looks like this now!

his face looks brighter and much less yellow, so i'm satisfied!

this next step is not mandatory at all — again, i'm just picky and despise yellow-tinted scenes. i personally believe that indoor scenes that are yellow/green tinted make them look more dark than they actually are, so i do my best to get rid of these colours.

i also don't always do this, but for this gif, i just simply went to hue/saturation, selected the yellows from the drop-down menu and decreased its saturation.

be careful not to do this too much. depending on the quality of your download, this can significantly decrease your gif quality. i tend to worry less about this when i'm working with 2160p files, but again, those files require an entirely different set of steps when it comes to brightening/colouring.

since this was a 1080p file download (and one that was actually less than 1GB, oops, don't do that), i played it safe and decreased it by -39 only.

note: you also want to be cautious of colour-washing skintone when it comes to this step. i find that another selective colour layer can help perfect the skintone in case the yellow drains out of it too much, but skip the hue/saturation step if it's too difficult to work with — better to be safe than sorry.

anyway, this is the final gif!

that's usually what i do when it comes to colouring dark indoor scenes! i hope this tutorial makes sense, and if you have any further questions, don't hesitate to reach out! :)

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heylittleriotact · 2 months ago

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Ｍａｓｓａｇｅ(ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 2/2)

Manipulation of tissue in the course of preparation of the body

Chapter 1 here

Though perhaps he was of the sort that got a thrill from the act of undressing her. Yes… that seemed like something a man who freely boasted about his familiarity with the finer points of anatomy would be keen on: savouring the textures of different fabrics as his fingers grazed over them, pulling gently here, tugging gently there to methodically flay her clothing from her body as if it were her skin and she was his newest, most recently deceased patient: she required preparation so that her bones, still and silent, could be put to use housing an eager spirit, and he was not at all unfamiliar with the process of unmaking someone.

He would gladly aid her in this capacity.

The honour would be all his.

The second and final part of my piece detailing Emmrich and Amina's first time sleeping together. It's time for the main event. Batten down your panties 🩲

Rating: Explicit

Under the cut or on ao3

As it turned out there was actually a nightcap involved.

Emmrich’s mysterious bed dwelled in a hidden bedchamber in the laboratory behind one of the many bookcases lining the walls and down a curving set of stairs that split into two chambers: one emerged into a warmly lit cavern of sorts, spacious yet cozy, and the other Amina could only assume was space set aside for Manfred - his own room. She thought it very sweet that Emmrich saw fit to give Manfred a space to call his own. She knew perfectly well that wisps didn’t sleep, so she had no idea what the sentient skeleton did with any time he spent alone - she made a point of asking Emmrich another time.

The entire space was composed of the stone foundations of the island the Lighthouse stood on, and despite the rustic implication of a bedroom in a cave, Emmrich’s room was actually quite homey: the bed itself was on a raised section of stone, and ancient but pristine rugs covered the floor, overlapping in places, each of them rich, bright colours of magenta, turquoise, or marigold. The bar was set against the far wall and boasted a humble assortment of spirits and liqueurs which included the extremely expensive absinthe Emmrich had prepared for her, demonstrating a ritual involving cold water and sugar that proved his alchemical hobbies extended even into his drinking preferences. She took a sip of it and continued to politely snoop around the room while Emmrich excused himself to make sure Manfred was settled in for the night.

The room was illuminated by the soft glow of candles perched on various outcroppings and recesses within the stone walls. The cavern was humid and warm, but the air felt fresh and clean, free of the heavy stagnant quality air tended to take on in a cave.

More bookshelves framed either side of the bed, with side tables built into the base of them. On the side of the bed that Emmrich obviously favoured, Amina could make out the shape of a pair of spectacles and a book on the side table.

She stepped up onto the raised platform of stone and wandered over to the table, the sound of her shoes muted by the soft carpet beneath her feet.

She gently moved the rectangular gold framed spectacles aside and picked up the book, flipped it and read the cover, her eyebrows raising. “Oh my…”

It was a collection of erotic poetry with a gold embossed depiction of a couple - their genders unclear, entwining passionately - splashed across the cloth bound cover.

She tutted and set down her absinthe, leafing through a few pages and feeling her pulse quicken at the thought of Emmrich reposed in the bed on any given night, naked except for the gold spectacles perched halfway down the bridge of his nose, holding the book in one hand, stroking his cock feverishly with the other, his chest heaving, each breath rapid and desperate and sharp, teetering on a soft whimper or moan as he indulged in the exceptionally vulgar verses until he spilled himself over his own belly, his seed catching the wavering candlelight and shimmering prettily against his skin and the wispy hair that grew on him.

She let out a low expletive and shut the book, replacing it on the side table and picking up her absinthe to drink some of the intensely herbal spirit in an attempt to jar herself back to reality. Her hand ghosted over the front of her skirt, and she palmed her crotch as if to temporarily placate the burning need between her thighs. Where was he? How long could it possibly take to say goodnight to Manfred and make sure he understood he was not to wander into Emmrich’s room under any circumstances tonight?

She wondered if she should spend this time making herself ready for him: she supposed she could undress and arrange herself on the bed so that when he entered the room again the first thing he’d see was her nude form, spread out for him like a feast more sumptuous than the dinner they’d just had, wearing only the network of scars that spanned her flesh like a topographical encyclopedia of injuries… and those adorable spectacles, of course. She’d sip from the glass of absinthe in her fingertips and haughtily ask if he came around this place often, and he would think her so cavalier and witty and irresistibly attractive that he’d shed his clothes and take her with desperate need marking every one of his movements.

He would gladly aid her in this capacity.

The honour would be all his.

She made a sound low in her throat at the thought, wandered over to the small table in the corner with a shaving mirror on a stand, a small hickory box she supposed contained a razor, brush, soap, and strop; a basin and a towel, and a variety of small bottles - six or seven in total. Further inspection revealed they were all different perfumes and colognes.

She removed the cap from one and sniffed the atomizer, instantly recognizing the scent that filled her nostrils as one that he wore earlier that week: earthy and grounded with notes of vetiver and petrichor. Replacing the lid and setting down the bottle of amber liquid she picked up another and smelled it too: wet clay, the sweet tang of decaying leaves, dark oily patchouli…

Her mouth watered - this was what he was wearing tonight, the evocative scent mixing with his own natural aroma in a complimentary way that had made it hard to focus all evening…

She let out a startled yelp when a long fingered hand slipped over her front, splaying across her abdomen as she felt the presence of someone much taller than her press close to her back. Hot breath played over her ear as he stooped down, causing the hairs on her neck to stand on end as Emmrich chuckled and said, “There you are. I was worried I’d lost you.”

“Lost me?” She set down the bottle and turned in his arms, facing him now and standing up on her tiptoes to rub the side of her nose against his, her own hands wandering around his narrow waist. “I think you’re stuck with me, Volkarin. I hope that won’t be a problem.”

One hand came up to card through the hair at the nape of her neck, his fingers winding between strands, combing through them as he regarded her affectionately, though desire still smoldered in his moss-coloured eyes. The other dallied over the concave curve of her lower back and came to rest cupping a handful of her muscular rear and drawing her hips flush against him where she could feel evidence of his arousal stirring again.

“Not in the slightest, Ms. Ingellvar.” He purred, squeezing her ass.

She shivered at his words and felt her fingers curl tighter into the fabric of his waistcoat as she felt his broad palm against her behind, fingers kneading the ample flesh there while his lips trailed over her cheek, then her jaw, then he imparted just enough tension to the handful of hair in his hand to urge her chin towards the ceiling, allowing him access to the thin, hot skin of her throat.

She couldn’t help but gasp as he licked her neck, sucking and kissing up the length of it. A pained little sound slipped past her lips and her hand flew to the back of his head, twining into his own hair when his teeth grazed her and he sucked hard against the skin above her carotid artery. The feeling was warm and wet, a sensation that was both pleasure and pain as capillaries buckled and gave way to the suction, flooding her dermis with the minute quantities of blood that would present like a tattooed clump of alpine betony against a backdrop of spring snow - richly mauve, prickling when the air caressed it…

She groaned, her knees going weak, his name slipping past her lips and suffusing through the cavern, a pleading whisper urging him to peel back layers of her flesh and muscle and bury himself inside the gleaming ruby treasure within.

Responding to the need in her voice, he parted from her neck and guided her away from the corner table, walking them back towards the raised section of stone where the bed was, kissing her, caressing her, stroking her cheek with his thumb as though she was the only thing in the world that mattered then.

“Darling…” he studied her with his round, perceptive eyes, hand stilling over the centre of her chest where her heart hammered against her ribcage like a frantic wisp trapped in a bottle. “We don’t have to… if you would rather wait—“

He would want to make sure she didn’t feel pressured, wouldn’t he?

Her hero.

She reached up between them and unclipped his collar pin with a deft twist of her fingers, her eyes never leaving his.

“I don’t want to wait. I’ve waited for what feels like a lifetime already: I want to make love to you right this minute.” She walked him backwards until the edge of the bed met the backs of his knees and he was forced to sit, hands hovering over Amina’s hips as she stood between his long longs. She guided those hands to the bottle green satin of her blouse, closing his fingers around it and guiding his wrists upwards with her index fingers hooked under them so that the hem of the garment slipped free from her waistband.

Bangles slipped one by one down his willowy arms, chiming softly as one hand wandered underneath the blouse, exploring the expanse of scarred but soft skin over hard muscle, tracing the shape of the costal cartilage that defined the boundaries of her rib cage, protecting the precious organs that lay beneath it.

She watched his hands rove over her; took in the expression of reverent longing on his face as his mouth parted and he stared up at her. His tongue darted over his lips to wet them before he spoke, his voice rough with lust. “If that is your desire, dearest, I am happy to oblige.”

“Oblige?” She repeated, running her fingernails through his hair, following the patterns of the gray dispersing and mingling into black like the thick, impermeable mists that hung around the obelisks and headstones in the gardens. One hand started slipping the small buttons at the side of her skirt loose, the other found her ass again and resumed squeezing and massaging. “What about you? Forget about everyone else’s needs for a fucking minute and tell me: what do you want, Emmrich Volkarin?” She tipped his face up, her fingers on his chin.

He freed the last button and pulled the skirt down over the swell of her ass, letting it slide to the ground where it pooled at her feet. He filled his hands with her bare cheeks, lifting them, feeling the weight and heat of them. He dipped his head and she could feel his hot breath through the thin material of the silky black thong she was wearing, her breath hitching as his nose buried into the cleft just above her throbbing clit and he inhaled deeply, filling himself with the scent of her need. He lingered there for a moment, then looked back up at her, eyes dark with lust.

“I want you, darling. Every inch of you…” His hands travelled to the waistband of the lacy little thong and he hooked his fingers under it, working it from under the garter belt that held up her stockings, sliding the sodden bit of fabric down, peeling it away from her dripping sex and down her thighs until he relinquished his hold on it and it joined the skirt. He parted her slightly, thumbs nestling softly into her dark hair, and smiled besottedly at the glint of gold that greeted him at the peak of her thighs. “I want to steal the air from your lungs and make your lovely legs shake...” He lowered his mouth again and feathered his searing tongue over the shape of the open hoop adorning her anatomy, urging a low whine from her as her hips jolted in his hands. “I must admit that I’ve often found myself wondering if your grave dowry was of the intimate sort…” he nuzzled against the soft thatch of hair and inhaled again, emitting a satisfied sigh as Amina’s mind swam, adrift in a sea of touch and awe that she was finally here - finally this close to him… and about to get closer still.

“Indulge your curiosity…” She managed to prompt with a coy smile. “Find the rest of it.”

His head snapped up and a lascivious smile that made her stomach flip-flop spread over his face. His hands found the backs of her thighs and he pulled her down onto his lap, her legs on either side of his hips, her slick core pressed against the bulging front of his pants. She rolled her hips against him and let her shoes clatter to the ground, his fingernails digging into soft flesh as he let out a low growl and then claimed her mouth with his, tongue sweeping brazenly past her lips to collide with hers enthusiastically as she opened wide and returned his fervor.

He held her in his lap, his free hand diving under her blouse to squeeze a handful of breast, the warmth of his touch muted by the expensive lacy brassiere she wore underneath.

Unsatisfied by this impediment, Amina wrenched her hands from Emmrich and hooked her thumbs into the bottom of her blouse and yanked it up unceremoniously over her head, no longer caring whether she appeared poised or elegant. Emmrich’s fingers found the clasp at the back of the brassiere and it slackened as he crushed his face into her breasts, laving his tongue over her skin, practically tearing the cups free of her chest and down her arms so she could shed it completely.

He laughed - a high pitched, giddy titter that went straight to her cunt - and thumbed the ends of the gold barbells flanking her erect nipples before clamping his mouth over one and sucking hard, tongue flitting over her stiffened peak while he continued playing with the other one.

Her back arched and she rutted against him again, keening at his hands and mouth all over her; his cock between her legs. She reached between them and gripped him through his pants, feeling his readiness as she stroked him through too many layers of clothing.

She rolled onto the bed, dragging him with her, wrapping her legs around his waist and scrambling at the buttons of his waistcoat while she explored his mouth with a ferocity that suggested she hadn’t just sat through an entire six course meal. She managed to get all the buttons undone without ripping a single one off, and immediately set into the absurd quantity of buttons on his shirt next - why did he need so many damn buttons anyway?

Laughing breathlessly, he pulled away from her to take a breath, rocking back on his knees and holding out a warding finger when she launched forward to follow him.

“Wait,” he panted, looming above her, tracing soothing circles on her thigh with one hand, his normally perfectly coiffed hair an absolute tumble of wayward strands and dishevelled angles: he looked so wonderfully undone with his hair a mess, his prim waistcoat thrown open, and his collar pin askew, clinging to his shirt with little more than wishes and prayers at this point. His mouth was curved in a crooked, slightly daft grin, and his fingers abandoned her thigh to settle between her legs, running up the length of her slit and massaging her slick into her engorged clit as he began deftly undoing buttons with his other hand, observing her with an expression of maddeningly inhibited curiosity when she threw back her head and uttered a deep moan, her hips bucking into his hand, her knees clamping against his sides.

“Fuuuu– Emmrich!” She cried, fingers and toes curling tightly into the blanket beneath her hips rose off the bed and he toyed with her clit, teasing her piercing with the edge of his thumb; rubbing, stroking, softly pinching her blushing bud, and brushing his fingertips along her innermost lips like they were the fragile petals of a delicate flower - all while methodically undoing the buttons of his shirt and finally reprieving his macabre collar pin of its duties. He slipped her leg over her shoulder as he stretched over the bed to deposit the accoutrement on the side table - on top of the book of poetry.

Drawing back, he kissed the inside of her knee, echoing her laughter when the coarse hairs of his moustache tickled her sensitive skin through her stockings and she writhed in his hands. He manipulated her leg, bending her knee and kissing down her shin, rubbing his cheek against the meat of her calf, his strong, nimble fingers finding the arch of her foot. He slipped a single finger into her desperate core and held the bottom of her painstakingly pedicured foot to the side of his face, leaning into it as another finger joined the first and he languidly worked them in and out of her, still sitting back on his knees, his shirt open, his eyes glazed.

“You’ve no idea how often I’ve thought about this, darling,” he huffed, the bridge of his nose flushed pink, and Amina couldn’t take her eyes off his tented trousers.

“I think I do,” she breathed, reaching for him, her fingertips caressing the damp spot on the front of his pants.

He treated her to another ribald grin - where were these coming from? They were so… dirty. So decidedly un-Emmrich, and they drove excited shivers up her spine. He shrugged his shirt off, relinquishing his contact with her for long enough to slip the sleeves down over his many bracelets and bangles and drape it carefully over the footboard of the bed - an act that had Amina clenching her eyes shut and stifling a giggle - Maker forbid his expensive Orlesian-cut shirt ended up in a wrinkled pile on the floor for a night…

He turned back to her, naked from the waist up now, looking nonplussed at the specter of laughter on her face, “What?” He asked, the corners of his mouth drooping as his smile disappeared as quickly as Assan on bath day: she thought he was laughing at him.

“Oh,” she pushed herself up on her elbows a little. “Nothing, love.”

He cocked his head to the side inquisitively and Amina snagged his left hand, now desperate to move on, pressing his fingertips to her lips, tasting herself on them. “I see I’m not the only one who keeps my grave dowry close to my person.”

She was referring to his nipples that were equally as gilded as hers, and didn’t leave room for him to reply as she started gently but systematically pulling rings off his fingers with the same mindful care she would use when removing jewelry from the deceased before she bathed and embalmed them.

“I want to be with you as you are,” she explained coquettishly when he arched a brow at her audaciously helping herself to his jewelry. “Without all of… this.” She lifted a stack of bangles on his wrist and let them fall back down, their metallic settling punctuating her point. “I didn’t fall for Emmrich Volkarin’s gold.”

Silence fell for the first time in a while as she collected his rings in her hand, plucking them from his branch-like fingers and palming them with the same delicate touch she used to handle the cherries that she harvested from the tree that grew behind Reda’s house when she was a child.

“You are…” he breathed, looking at her with an expression on his handsome face that was difficult to read.

“Bizarrely hung up on ritual and meaning? Yes. You’ll find that to be quite a maddeningly common trait among Watchers, in case you weren’t aware,” she quipped, and her fingers paused over his left pinky and the grand looking ruby ring that occupied it - his Father’s, a gift to young Emmrich before he died - she knew that much. Then she relieved him of that too, marking the dark stain revealed in the ring’s absence for only a moment before he whisked his hand away and hid it behind her thigh, extending his other hand to her now, wordlessly bidding her to continue.

She finished stripping him of his gold and jewels, depositing handfuls of rings and bracelets and bangles on the side table, the book of erotic poetry now buried under a small fortune, and then she set to work on his trousers which had lingered for far too long.

First went the cummerbund, slipping through her fingers as she untied it, the soft ‘fwip, fwip’ of the sleek material filling the silence that had fallen again. It joined his shirt on the footboard, and as she stretched under his arm to put it there she notched her waist against his and let him fondle her ass and thighs and cunt some more before she planted her ass back on the bed and finally freed his delightfully hard cock, taking him in her hand and stroking him experimentally, nibbling on her lower lip as he knelt before her on the bed, shuddering at her ministrations.

“Darling…” he whispered, eyes lidded, jaw slack as he watched her slowly, sensually jerk him off. Now that his arousal was now out in the open, his own scent filled the air: clean, masculine musk and the aphrodisiac tang of arousal collided with her nose and she swallowed the buildup of saliva that flooded her mouth.

His cock was lovely: as elegant and distinguished as the rest of him, surrounded by a mantle of clearly tended hair that matched the hither and thither shades of black and gray on his head, his pulse thrummed strongly against her fingers, the skin of his shaft velvet smooth over his hardness. She gently worked his foreskin down to reveal his shapely, leaking head, as rosy and ripe as any cherry at the peak of its season.

“No grave gold here?” she pouted, working her thumb over his slit, spreading the slick moisture that had beaded there over his blushing crown - an act which caused him to draw a sharp breath through his clenching teeth.

“I did… at one time…” he exhaled, voice wavering as his eyes flicked back down to resume watching her movements. “But I did away with it years ago...”

“Shame,” she tutted, jerking her head to the side. “Bet your pierced cock was a majestic sight indeed…” her cheeks heated and panic struck her. “Not… not that it’s not now.”

Shut up, Amina, shut up and just fuck him.

But Emmrich only chuckled deep in his throat and pulled himself from her hand, stretching out over her and dwarfing her with his lanky stature as he pressed a soothing kiss to the blossoming love bite on her neck and finished shedding disrobing from his place between her thighs.

“Years spent in ruthlessly discriminating academic circles have granted me the virtue of a thick skin, dearest,” he purred into her ear, catching her lobe with his teeth and uttering a pleased sound at the gasp he wrought from her. His chest met hers and she was at the mercy of his skin against hers, enshrouding her; capturing her - binding her the same way he bound spirits to vacant bone.

She might have babbled something in response as her hips arced into his, searching for the heat of his cock to relieve the burning need between her thighs, but then his lips found hers again and he kissed her with a sweetness and depth that drove words from her brain and air from her lungs.

And then he was gone, sitting back on his haunches again, so far away as his fingers danced along the oversensitive flesh of her inner thigh and he drew her towards him over the bedspread with an easy yank, lining her hips up with his, their thighs connected.

Cock in hand, he dragged himself slowly through her folds, collecting her pooling slick and massaging her engorged clit with his tip, humming sumptuously as Amina squirmed, her clit slip-sliding against the most sensitive part of him.

He dipped just inside of her entrance and back out again, and her fingernails dug into his abdomen.

“Please…” she pleaded. “Please Emmrich…”

He acquiesced with a gentle kiss, pressing his hips to hers, pushing inside of her slowly, almost hesitantly, drawing back before thrusting forward again, stretching her, his elated groan joining hers as his he breached her fully and her walls flexed and clenched around him, their heat finally joining, their connection at last made complete.

She exhaled a ragged breath as her thighs tightened against his ribcage and he delved further, his thumb sweeping a strand of hair from her face as he cradled her head in his arm, his nose brushing hers as he lowered his mouth and whispered against her lips, “Is this all right?”

“Yes…” she panted, “… ohhh Emmrich… please don’t stop…” She felt the smoothness of his back under her fingers as they travelled downwards, and squeezed his pert ass in her hands, encouraging his thrusts as he moved inside of her, burying her face in the crook of his neck as he fucked into her and uttered soft gasps and the sweetest nothings she’d ever heard into her ear for a time before his movements ceased abruptly, and she could feel his heart racing against hers.

“Ah— oh.” He took a deep breath and exhaled, long and smooth - grounding: Nevarran breathing techniques. “Darling, I’m�� I’m ashamed to say it, but I’m not going to last much longer… you feel entirely divine, and it’s been some time since I’ve—”

Her heart flooded with affection for him as her Reaper’s gift kicked in and she felt his emotional state change abruptly as his aura shifted: he felt embarrassed. Inadequate. Pathetic.

“Hey,” she cupped his cheek with her hand and dragged his eyes back to hers, then treated him to an understanding smile. “That’s one hell of a compliment.” She undulated against him, urging him on.

“Amina…”

“Will you cum for me, Emmrich?”

He let out a soft whine and his eyelids fluttered slightly at her words.

“Yes,” he whispered, his thrusts resuming, his steady rhythm returning as the sound of skin on skin filled the cavern again. “I daresay I would do nearly anything for you…” he kissed her again, their tongues entwining as they tasted, licked and sucked.

She locked herself against him, riding him from the mattress, meeting his thrusts and feeling his hips buck sloppily and shudder as his climax drew near - hers was not far behind: each movement dragged his cock over that place inside of her that made her thighs quake and tremble against his sides.

“Unnngh!” His eyes went wide, then shut tightly. He gasped her name like he’d been immersed in a tub of freezing water and cupped her jaw in his hand, his eyes opening again to hold her gaze as his hips arched against hers once, twice, and she felt the telltale heat expanding through her from the inside out as he spilled his hot seed deep within her.

It was more than enough to send her hurtling over the edge as well, so over the edge she went, groaning in soul-scraping ecstasy as she tightened around his twitching length, crushing him to her chest as she cried out his name followed by a babbled stream of blissed out expletives. Her vision went white and she clenched so hard around him he was almost forced out of her, but he drove his hips forward and remained in place, covering her throat in soft, encouraging kisses as he murmured quiet praises into her ear as she tensed and writhed under him.

“Ohhh, good girl…” he cooed as they rode out the dwindling waves of their release, and Amina whimpered, feeling her heart leap into her throat at those words, so sinfully spoken from his flushed, kiss-swollen lips…

She smoothed the hair at the nape of his neck as they collapsed together, quaking and trembling, sweat-slicked and reeking of sex.

Emmrich’s fingers found themselves winding through her stormy black hair where it spilled over the pillow, and he did not let go as he rolled off of her to stretch out beside her, pulling her tight against him, his wet, softening cock squashed against her slightly shaking thigh. He kissed the crown of her head and held both of her hands in his as he hugged her to him.

“I’ve had a wonderful evening with you, dearest Amina,” he said, his voice dripping with all the familiarity and intimate cadence one would anticipate from a lover.

“I’ve had a wonderful evening with you as well, Emmrich.” She kissed the back of his naked hand, her mind hazy, her heart achingly full of affection for the man tangled up with her. “Here’s to many, many more.”

They rested for a time, peacefully dozing in each other’s arms, but neither seemed capable of staying asleep for long - the exhilaration of their joining was too fresh; too real.

A couple of hours later, Amina awoke to see Emmrich sleepily regarding her from his pillow, a strand of her long hair still twirled around his fingers, her name on his lips. Moments later, those very lips wandered down her belly and between her legs, and he lazily licked his leaking seed from her, bringing her to the softest, coziest orgasm she’d ever had with his fingers splayed over her lower belly and his tongue deep inside her.

They fucked again after that, and then one more time before sleep properly found them and they drifted off in the early hours of dawn, entwined and undeniably in love.

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g0nefischin · 8 months ago

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MERSKELES PART 3!

Definitely not mermay anymore but here's the last 3 sirens I wanted to do

and some explanation on why I choose what I did under the cut

(little warning for parasites on fresh's section)

So from left to right

Dream is a golden colored koi carp fish, I picked it because they are very pretty and they represent a lot of positive things like luck and fortune, some people even wish on them to make their dreams come true :> I also thought of the legend where a golden koi fish climbs a large waterfall to turn into a dragon, so they have some mythical legends as well. In terms of the actual fish, Koi are very sociable and sturdy, they also live for quite awhile.

Nightmare is a coelacanth, he should probably be an octopus considering he has tentacles, but I really wanted to make him a coelacanth because I think they are neat. Coelacanth's are very old with the latest fossils being over 400 million years old, they were thought to be extinct until one was found in 1938, grandpa nightmare. They are also nocturnal, sleeping in caves during the day, they live deep in the ocean as well.

Fresh is actually a two in one, he is a rainbow parrotfish with a tongue-eating louse in his mouth. Out of alI the bright fish I did a parrotfish because I really like their gradients, and I think the magenta fins fit his jacket. He's a parasite inside of a Sans body, so I picked a fish parasite to go along with the fish half of his body. I chose the tongue-eating louse, a type of parasite that replaces a fish's tongue. It first severs the blood vessels to the tongue and once it falls off takes its place. feeding on nutrients and acting as a new tongue for the rest of the fish's life, very cool and terrifying.

#parasite #No irl photos or anything but warning for describing how the parasite invades a fish #Tongue eating louse dont affect parrotfish Im pretty sure but Im ignoring that for fantasy #Fresh was also a combo between the Rainbow and bicolor parrot fish for the colors I put rainbow on the sheet because it sounds cooler #I love coelacanths sm they are like one of the neatest fish #I remember really liking relicanth as a pokemon and then realizing it was actually a real animal???? Phenomenal #Also someone requested dust If youre reading this I think he would be an eel of some sort #maybe a Gulper eel?#Angler fish would be cool too but only the females have the classic light lure on their heads #The dragon koi legend Im pretty sure is the inspiration for magicarp and its golden shiny #I would say im done with fish for now but im not I love fish Ill probably do something else aquatic related at some point lmao #Mermay #its july :''')#my art #my utmv art #utmv #fresh sans #nightmare sans #dream sans #dreamtale #utau #undertale au #sans au #siren #mermaid

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earthtooz · 2 years ago

Note

rin kiss cam absolutely a masterpiece, i loveeee it so much <3 but i got an opposite idea. since you are very damn talented writing for sae, perhaps where you and sae had an argument which upset you so much, you have been ignoring him. then the following day, sae has a football match. after the match which of course they win, all the cams are on you and he said “please give me another chance to fix this, us” THEN THEN he held a massive bouquet of roses DJOWJDOSHDJSJDJ

for @limitlesshq - changed up the storyline a little, anon, sorry! your ask gave me inspiration for this, i'm sorry if you don't like the alterations, but i hope you enjoy nevertheless! this is VERY unedited.

sae, who has a sharp tongue and an even sharper attitude to match with that blunt personality of his. sae, whose words burn and singe your skin, leaving searing pain behind that you try not to show, especially when the venom drips onto your skin and brands you with shame, humiliation, and wrath. sae, who has never talked to you like he had in the argument you had two nights ago.

since then you hadn't talked to him, cringing at the thought of messaging him and reaching out. your friends tell you that you should try and mend whatever has happened, that knowing the two of you, sae's probably feeling the same and misses you too. your heart agrees but your conscious is still a little scarred, wincing when you recall the words that were thrown around.

sae had sent you a few posts here and there- like he sometimes does on instagram (they're hardly funny and you're still trying to find a way to tell him that), and you would only respond with a double click of the message instead of a proper response. other than that, he hadn't reached out in any other way.

the problem was that tonight you had a match to attend, with tickets that sae personally booked for you so it'd be a little harsh to not go.

just because you were still... upset at him doesn't mean that you didn't love him.

but did he want you there? what if he doesn't want to see you? what if he's still mad? that's probably why he hasn't made any attempts to try and talk it out and lord knows that you're still too busy fighting your own thoughts to make the first move.

pathetic really, it is, but when itoshi sae is your partner and the person who you have to apologise to... it's a little hard...

nevertheless, you go. your eyes lingered on the jersey he had given you, debating on whether or not you should wear it.

you decide against it, walking out of your apartment with a sinking feeling that it was a decision you'd regret. at least you still looked cute.

arriving at the stadium, you occupy your seat quite quickly especially since you were watching solo today. it's always daunting to be alone, especially in an environment like this, but you don't want any of your friends to witness how rocky you and sae are right now, so just purchasing this one ticket was a good idea.

even if that meant you had to cure your own boredom by scrolling on your phone whilst waiting for the match to start.

despite your indifferent front, your stomac was doing somersaults from where you jittered with anxiety. was showing up the right move? what if he didn't want you here?

then the stadium announcers begin talking, shushing everyone almost immediately as the teams are introduced. each running onto the grassy field when it's their turn, basking the roars and screams of the crowd that came to support them.

when real madrid comes out, your eye immediately lands on the figure of your boyfriend. although you can't see him all that clearly, it's not hard to identify him from his magenta hair and build; one that you see practically all the time (excluding the last three days).

he's scanning through the crowd, whipping his head around as if in search for someone, and when he finds the vip section for real madrid, his eyes land on you. you can't see him clearly, but there's a shift from his figure, his aura darkening as he slows his steps a little, falling behind from his team.

a fellow teammate has to push sae a little to snap him out of whatever funk he was in and a part of you twists uncomfortably at this weird behaviour of his.

all because he saw you. maybe it wasn't the right choice to come tonight. what if you impact his play?

the kickoff begins before you can think too much about it and the match officially starts, the players scrambling around the field.

90 minutes are over before you can count, the victory going to real madrid (to your relief because thank goodness you didn't affect their precious midfielder).

however, where you thought you would head home immediately after the match, it seems like sae has other plans as he runs towards the barriers separating the audience and the field, eyes locked on you the whole time. he beckons for you to come over and with a little hesitation, you do, weaving through exiting crowds in anticipation for what he'd need.

"congrats for the win," you say in greeting, plastering on a smile to give him the false perception that you were okay. he didn't need a victory to be soiled. that'd be a rough way to end such a pleasant event.

he doesn't meet your smile. instead, his eyes seem troubled, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he looks you up and down again and again, as if his eyes are deceiving him.

"you're not wearing my jersey," he says finally, looking back up at you with turmoil clear in his eyes.

"oh," you look down at your own outfit. "yeah. i decided not to."

"why?"

"well after our argument i didn't know where we stand," you confess shyly. he frowns further before stepping back.

then he takes off his jersey- the one he was wearing, and fiddles with it until it's facing a certain way. he had a long sleeve shirt on underneath but without the jersey, you can see that he's wearing the couples necklace you got for your anniversary.

he then threads the jersey on over you and despite being shocked at his abrupt actions, you comply nevertheless, weaving your arms through the holes.

sae hums in approval and you feel a little gross wearing his sweat-sopped shirt, but he looks content and happy. a stark contrast to the troubled expression he was wearing previously.

you open your arms for a hug. he accepts it, winding his arms around your torso as yours go around his neck. the athlete breathes you in, relishing in the feeling of being so close to you after so long.

"are we okay?" he asks, voice muffled as sae hugs you a little tighter.

"yeah," you respond. he takes his head out of your shoulder, indifferent eyes glossy. you think they're tears, but you're not going to give yourself such high credit.

"missed you. i hate it when you're mad at me."

you chuckle, pressing a kiss to his nose, causing him to scrunch his face at the sensation. "i wasn't mad, sae. i thought you would be."

"me? why?"

"i don't know. you're kind of scary, y'know. especially to those who have wronged you or you don't care about."

he softens before bringing his head to your shoulder again, finding solace in your touch. "but you're neither."

"noted," you laugh, running your hands through his hair. everything feels okay again.

you only find out after the match that sae was hoping you'd come all along and that he even brought gifts for you as a way of apologising after the match.

#sae x reader #itoshi sae x reader #blue lock x reader #*ੈ✩‧₊˚ earf's ideas that i'll never write #for limitlesshq merry christmas #earf's sae rambles #earf's inbox hours ✌️

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d-reamsclouds · 9 months ago

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SEPARAMOROUS / SEPARAMORY

(Image Description at the bottom!) feel free to use if you have DID/OSDD-1! no endos please! a type of relationship where someone with DID/OSDD-1 is unsure of whether they fit the definition of monogamous or polyamorous. this could be for a variety of reasons, such as: - headmates dating each other - different alters dating different people - having a complicated relationship with whether you identify more as a singular unit or multiple separate people the term comes from separatum, meaning separate in latin flag colors taken from the polyamorous flag and the DID flag. magenta means love/attraction, cyan means openness/honesty, black represents people who don't yet know that they are a part of a system or who still have a lot of trouble communicating with their system, orange represents systems who are living with functional multiplicity, and white represents systems that have achieved full fusion ID: a flag with three diagonal sections, with the middle section being smaller, and a heart in the middle. the left-most diagnonal section is a hot pink magenta. the middle is a dark grey / almost black. the right is a cyan. the heart is a pale orange. there's a smaller white heart inside the orange heart. end ID

#DID #OSDD #DID OSDD #OSDDID #system #polyamorous #polyamory #flag coining

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missaengg · 2 months ago

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Ice Skating with Crown

8 Days Until Christmas: Ice Skating Made for Ikemen Advent hosted by @queengiuliettafirstlady and @candied-boys A/N: Much thanks to @wistfulwanderingone for helping me brainstorm and for her contribution to Elbert's section!! Thank you for keeping me sane haha ❤️ Featuring: All of Ikevil and Robin Tags: humor Word Count: 1273

William Rex

Graceful.

So fucking graceful. Seriously, how is it possible for one man to look like a swan on a serene lake? To look so majestic no matter what he does? Pretty sure he either had lessons growing up or had a lot of practice because this was a regular activity for him because the man skates like he’s had figure skating lessons. He skates backwards. He skates forwards. He does spins. He does jumps. He makes it look easy. And he doesn’t even break a sweat! His clothes don’t bunch or wrinkle. His hair doesn’t have a lock out of place.

It should be a crime to look as good as William does when he skates. Seriously, it’s not fair.

Harrison Gray

Bored out of his mind.

It’s clear he doesn’t want to be here in the cold with skates on his feet going in circles inside what can essentially be considered a fish bowl. He skates languidly along the perimeter, breathing out the occasional resigned sigh. His skating is just as boring as he feels. The unchanging steady pace. The repeating of the same actions. Push off with one foot, glide until he loses momentum, repeat. Push off. Glide. Push off. Glide. Just circle after circle around the rink.

The whole thing is too troublesome for him, and to make matters worse, the snack bar doesn’t have any strawberry milk.

Liam Evans

Daredevil. Speedster. Snack bar fiend.

He’s a magenta-colored blur zipping around the rink, hurtling forward as fast as he can. The wind blows back his hair. A fanatical gleam in his rose-colored eyes. His curiosity gets the better of him, and he attempts to mimic the moves William pulls off in the center, but of course, fails miserably because he’s not a trained skater. He also doesn’t really know how to stop, meaning he’s barreling into the other skaters and knocking both of them to the hard ice. He has to be patched up by Roger a few times for various cuts and bruises.

When he’s not whipping around the rink, he’s at the snack bar buying way too much candy and getting a sugar rush, which he has to burn off with another round of haphazard skating.

Elbert Greetia

Only there because of Alfons.

Elbert spends most of his time staring at William and asking, “Alfons, is Will beautiful when he skates?”

Doesn’t skate on his own. Elbert has to be pulled around the rink by Alfons like a child, yet somehow still manages to look hauntingly beautiful. He’s obsessed with the figure skating costumes on some of the figure skaters practicing in the center, captivated by the sparkle of the rhinestones. Has to be saved from looking like a creep by Alfons because he tries to approach the young women and offer them a ridiculous amount of money to buy their outfits.

Notices you struggling to even stand in your skates, and for some unknown reason asks, “Al… Is Robin beautiful?”

To which Alfons laughs hysterically and replies, “She looks like a governess who mistook the ice for a polished parquet floor and a waltz partner. So no, unless you think that’s beautiful.”

Alfons Sylvatica

Elbert’s keeper. Incorrigible flirt.

Is very tempted to answer yes when Elbert asks if William is beautiful because that would be an entertaining exchange to watch. He doesn’t though. Not because they’re in public, that would just add to the entertainment factor. It’s because even though he tries to hide it, he actually cares for the taciturn blonde.

When not looking after Elbert, Alfons brazenly sidles up to you, whispering suggestive comments about what he’d like to do to your — *ahem* — kitty and finding great amusement in watching you nearly face plant as your face turns red in indignation.

Roger Barel

Crown’s Liam’s doctor and overall trickster.

Roger skates like a hockey player. He’s a bit of a show-off, complete with weaving in and out between the other skaters at high speeds and spraying ice when he skids to a stop. He thinks it’s great fun to scare the living shit out of you by coming up from behind and grabbing your shoulders with that shit-eating grin on his face, laughing boisterously when you almost fall on your ass, much to your chagrin. Your heart may have stopped a few times because of his antics.

When he’s not on the rink scaring the living daylight out of you, he’s on the sidelines patching up curious kitty Liam and only Liam because he’s the only one who has managed to hurt himself whilst skating.

Ellis Twilight

Residential good boy.

Sweet, baby boy Ellis is the one helping other skaters they fall, offering them a hand to pull them back up. He’s helped so many people that he’s mistaken as one of the employees with skaters coming up to him if they need any help.

Surprisingly graceful when he skates — though not as graceful as William — covering a lot of ground despite not skating very fast because of his long legs. He’s the only member of Crown who tries to teach you how to skate, doing the thing where he holds your hands and leads you around the rink while he skates backwards. He also tries to fend off the more mischievous members of Crown, but isn’t able to stay by your side the whole time.

Jude Jazza

Nowhere to be found.

Jude only came because Victor strong-armed him into attending. He disappears as soon as the group arrives at the ice skating rink, and can be found outside chain smoking cigarettes, grumbling about how the entire outing is stupid and a waste of time.

When he sees Liam hurt himself, he gets a sadistic, wicked gleam in his amethyst-colored eyes. He seeks out the owner of the establishment and threatens them with a lawsuit unless they comp the entry tickets and the skate rentals. The owner complies immediately because Jude is so god damn terrifying, especially when his eyes narrow into slits, glaring at you as if his eyes alone can cut you into a million tiny pieces.

Also uses this to negotiate free snacks for the group.

Victor

The Mom.

The first thing Victor does is to buy a round of hot chocolate for everyone saying something about how they need to stay warm so they don’t catch a cold, but is devastated when Harrison, Roger, and Jude choose not to partake. He encourages his lovely Crown members to be free in their skating and follow the wicked desires in their hearts, even if it leads to havoc… aka Liam.

He doesn’t skate, but watches over them from the sidelines, happy and gleeful that his “children” seem to be enjoying themselves — for the most part, which for Crown means that it’s a relatively successful outing.

Already planning the next one. Sledding? Skiing? Something snow related. After all, it’s almost Christmas!

Robin

Skating? What’s that?

You wobble on your skates like a newborn calf, clutching the railing for dear life and creeping along inch by inch trying not to fall on your ass. Until Alfons, Roger, or Liam knock you over, and you’re sliding on your tailbone wondering what the hell just happened while they laugh like the assholes they are. Except Liam. Liam’s about to cry while he apologizes profusely over and over again even after you reassure him you’re okay.

Massaging your bruised butt and stiff muscles, you wonder why the hell you thought this would be a great idea when Victor first mentioned it because let’s face it… you’ve never skated before in your life!

Thank god for Ellis.

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