#The relationship between Pete and love fascinates me

[yujeong]

So, there's this fic I want to write for months now about the first time Pete says "I love you" to Vegas and it made me want to make a post about it as well. I truly believe saying that phrase is a huge deal to Pete and I want to explain why.

Starting with the fact that I loved, loved, LOVED that in the show, he never said it. Not directly, anyway. He didn't shoot Vegas when he had the chance, he shot Vegas when it was necessary to save him, he told him he was right there, he told him he was hungry, he told him he's following his heart. All of those things are different ways of saying "I love you" but it's not the phrase itself. And that's important because it truly showcases the core aspects of Pete's character.

Pete isn't like Vegas. Both of them are very emotional but the way they express their emotions is almost the complete opposite. Vegas is letting them get out of control, spilling out of him, while Pete is keeping them deeply locked up inside him until they eventually explode and he can't contain them anymore. Both of them at first are unwilling to recognise how they feel about the other, the changes that are happening inside of them but Vegas comes to the realization quicker than Pete and tells him so. All of this is why Vegas saying the phrase out loud in contrast to Pete never saying it makes perfect sense in the narrative.

I truly believe that Pete has this feeling in his chest which he isn't even sure what it's called or even if it's what most people would call it but it's so strong for Vegas that he knows he can't live without it so he decided to chase after it. There's this incredible fic by LuckyDiceKirby called "even the clearest water" that has an exchange between Vegas and Pete, in which Vegas asks him if Pete loves him and Pete replies with this:

"I don’t know. How could I know what that feels like? I’m not that kind of person. You make my teeth ache. You make the world bright, like it’s real. It hurts. It’s hurt since I met you, but that means I can never forget I’m alive."

I cannot tell you what I even felt when I read that. It was a mix of pure awe and enlightenment, because it was what I had been thinking after watching the show but was unable to put into words.

Now, as I was writing this post, a thought popped into my head related to this and I want to express it. I think the fandom unanimously agrees that Vegas has the capacity for kindness and softness due to Macau, the wonderful, perfect, sweet little gremlin angel of my heart. Macau is the reason Vegas even knows what love is, otherwise starved for it because no one else in his life gives it to him in any way, share or form until Pete comes along.

This got me thinking: who does Pete have in his life to show him what love and affection is?

At first glance, Pete's environment seems fine and way better than Vegas'. He has people that care about him, he has friends, he has a nice room, his grandma sends him meals that he's allowed to eat in his room. Is this actually true though? Is the main family as kind and sweet and full of affection as it seems?

Well...no, it's not. All of this is superficial. Pete got forgotten the moment Kinn had Porsche in his arms (and bed). No one remembered him except Tankhun, who we could argue also loves Pete superficially and doesn't really view him as a person (I love Tankhun and I say that affectionately. I think post canon he has the potential to change his way of thinking and behaviour towards his bodyguards).

But what about Pete's grandma?, I hear people say. Well, she is the only person Pete says "I love you" to but is this enough to claim that he knows what love is? When he doesn't live with her, doesn't have the ability to physically touch her for comfort whenever he needs to, can't talk to her freely without surveillance? He only gets a glimpse of it and if we also include the fact that he works for the main family for years, he's been deprived of love almost all of his life. No wonder the poor man is confused and doesn't realise what he's feeling for Vegas. He wasn't even a person until the safehouse.

The environments Vegas and Pete grew up in shaped them into who they became and it's evident if you think about it in the way I described above: Vegas' environment is cruel and unforgiving with a speck of actual love in the form of his brother and Pete's is presumably kind but devoid of substance. I'm oversimplifying this of course but I think the core aspects of how he lives in the main family play an important role in Pete's character.

All in all, Pete is a brilliantly written character and I want to thank the writing team and Build for giving him to me. I truly hope that when I manage to write this fic, I'll do his character justice.

[aeternallis]

It may be a bit of a hot take, but imo Kimchay has always been the most insidious of the three canon couples in KPTS, and I just love that for them.

It's deceptively easy at first glance to assume they're the healthiest/softest couple in the show, because at the onset of their relationship, they meet under the best of circumstances when compared to the other two. They don't have any questionable explicit scenes, and their storyline is almost cut off from the intertwining web of the other two couples' storylines.

But with the exception of their first meeting at the open house, every interaction thereafter—no matter how kind Kim acts, whatever feelings he begins to have for Chay, no matter how guilty he looks each time—takes place against the backdrop of Kim's hidden motives and the looming truth of who he is.

It's always been fascinating to me how KimChay stands out against the other two couples, because unlike Porsche and Pete who have the physical prowess to fight off Kinn and Vegas respectively and reinforce the boundaries they have when these hardheaded mafia men disrespects their autonomy, the only thing Chay has going for him in order to reinforce said boundaries is through mental fortitude. Being blunt with Kim about minding his own business, not answering his call, blocking his number...all these things shows the level of self-respect Chay has for himself when he's been wronged.

We the audience knows this, this isn't anything new. What Chay lacks in physical capability, he more than makes up for by that metaphorical spine of steel.

That’s not to say that I’m minimizing what Porsche and Pete went through; all the Theerapanyakul men are underhanded in some form or another. Porsche and Pete too have the capability in talking back through their own mental fortitude; they would have to, considering the lives they’ve lead thus far. But when push comes to shove, these two also have the added fighting capability—earned through a lifetime of hardship and necessity—to stave off the mafia men’s physical aggression, as we see a couple of times in the show. It’s partly through this fighting capability that they earn Kinn and Vegas’s respect, that they learn the hard way that Porsche and Pete won't be bullied so easily.

I cannot stress enough the fact that there is a difference between loving someone and respecting them.

The honesty between KinnPorsche and VegasPete has always had a brutal edge to it; I think it's why they both get a happily ever after (at least where we leave them off in the show), because they've already seen the worst of each other.

But we know that Chay in contrast isn't a fighter, if his immediate reaction to the kidnappers is anything to go by. One would think that this isn't his first rodeo with an attempted attack in his home (loan sharks and all that), and he’d know some self-defense considering who his brother is. Yet still, his instinct was to call for help, as he probably would do the same had Porsche been there with him.

But as we see in the show, Porsche’s overprotectiveness of Chay is to a point that it becomes detrimental to his safety. After all, why hasn't Porsche taught Chay to defend himself, if they've had experience before of getting harassed in their own home?

It's through mental fortitude alone that Chay can perfectly match Kim, because there is no way for this boy to fight off Kim’s aggression in the way Porsche and Pete can with Kinn and Vegas respectively.

And before I go on, I don't think there's any need to argue that Kim would never show or point towards Chay so much aggression, not when he's already done it:

The only reason Kim let go of his hand in this scene so easily is because he was stunned by Chay's antagonism towards him (besides the fact that he was butthurt af when Chay outright calls him out). This scene, along with the scene before it and the bar fight scene, heavily hints at the sort of aggression that Kim is potentially capable of showing/pointing towards Chay. (I wonder what was the stage direction given to Jeff in this scene that Barcode had to yank his wrist back that hard, yknow?)

I'm pretty sure this was partly the point of this scene below; it begs the question of that unknown dimension between the two of them:

But getting back on point: Chay only has his mental fortitude to match Kim and reinforce his boundaries, but even then, it’s not completely foolproof; given enough time, Kim can find ways to disarm Chay, as we see in their final scene together.

And of course it goes without saying, there are moments in the show where it's very obvious Kim truly returns Chay's affections, even moved and inspired by him. But ultimately, even where the audience is left off in terms of where their relationship is at, Kim doesn't respect him—or rather, he doesn't respect the boundaries Chay has drawn in the sand between them.

If Kim had truly respected those boundaries, he would not have reached out the way he did. He would not have reached out with an unknown number, in order to bait Chay into clicking that video link. He would not have used Chay's own song to re-write it into a love song for him.

Because for all of Chay's mental fortitude, in the end, even if Kim himself did not see Chay's reaction to the video, the end result he likely wanted came about: he found a way for Chay to pay attention to him again and more than that--hold that attention, because Chay doesn't delete the video.

Everything this final scene together entailed is arguably calculated on Kim's part. After all, nothing has changed: it happens against the backdrop of Kim's selfish motive. The motive has changed (from getting information on Porsche to getting Chay back/to forgive him), yes—but the nature of it hasn’t.

I think that's what makes Kimchay's relationship the most insidious of the three in my eyes, because despite everything they've been through so far, Kim still doesn't respect Chay's boundaries, not at this stage of their relationship, if ever. Besides that, Kim can and has found ways to counter Chay's strongest asset, to bring his guard down if you will.

And Chay has nothing else he can use against Kim to reinforce his boundaries, not fighting capability and certainly not distance, alas.

There is definitely a level of selfishness in Kim that surpasses the selfishness also inherent in Kinn and Vegas due to their upbringing, yknow?

It's why they hold my attention so much, I think: the sheer potential they have to become the most unhinged couple in this story, and how much I'm drawn to it like a moth a flame~

[lurkingshan]

The Ride or Die Drama Couples List

So the other night I got a little sassy on main because some of the girlies were complaining that King the Land is focusing more on the couple moments (aka relationship development) between Gu Won and Sa Rang and doesn’t have enough plot. Which is a very typical fandom complaint about romcoms that I absolutely hate, because in a good romance the relationship is the plot, people! It’s bizarre attitudes like this that get us random murder plots spliced into every other romcom for the ratings, and I am begging y’all to stop the madness. 

Ahem. Anyway, that post seemed to resonate with some folks and get them discussing other dramas, and so inevitably @troubled-mind wandered into my notes and said gee Shan, it seems like maybe you should make a list of dramas that show us couples in a relationship and explore how they make it work and ultimately stay together. And I’ve warned y’all before, if you make a stray comment in my direction there will be a list coming your way. So here I am again, doing the absolute most.

Today I present to you a list of my favorite dramas that show you not only how the couple gets together, but also how they stay together. Criteria:

The couple doesn’t have to be together when the drama starts, but they do have to actually begin their romantic relationship no later than halfway through the drama’s run so that we have substantial time with them as a couple

The relationship development between the couple is a primary plot driver (so no dramas where there’s a great long term couple just hanging out in the background)

The relationship story may include some physical separation or even a temporary breakup, but not the betrayal kind–these are the sort that actually force an unaddressed issue to the surface and ultimately bring the couple even closer 

Happy endings only, these pairs are sticking together 

Ride or Die Drama Couples

Bad Buddy - Pat and Pran

(Thailand, YouTube)

This is tumblr so do I really need to tell y’all about Pat and Pran? There is a reason we all lost our minds over this show and it’s because we got to be in this relationship with them so intensely and see them fight to stay together despite it all. Their ending is bittersweet because of their families, but the show leaves us no doubt that they both think the other is worth it and they will always stick it out together. 

Dark Blue Kiss - Pete and Kao

(Thailand, YouTube)

Shout out to the OGs! Pete and Kao originally got together in the Kiss series (you can watch it, but you really don’t have to, fam) and Dark Blue Kiss brings them back three years into their long-term relationship to give us a peek into their struggles with the closet and the toll it takes on both of them individually as well as the strain it puts on their relationship. 

Flower of Evil - Hee Sung and Ji Won

(S Korea, Netflix or Viki)

Hee Sung and Ji Won are already married (with an adorable daughter) when this drama begins, and the backstory of their relationship is unspooled alongside the larger mystery at the heart of the show. One of the most fascinating and heart wrenching love stories I have ever seen, centered on a character who is so emotionally damaged that he genuinely believes he is incapable of love even as love pours out of him. Damn, I’m gonna make myself cry into my oatmeal.

It’s Okay, That’s Love - Jae Yeol and Hae Soo

(S Korea, Viki)

Speaking of crying, lord. Ahhhhhhh. Let me pull myself together. It’s Okay, That’s Love is a healing drama about two people who fall in love and support each other through serious mental health challenges. I don’t really want to say much more than that. Bring tissues, besties!

La Pluie - Patts and Saengtai

(Thailand, iQIYI)

My beloved! This Thai drama is about a pair of soulmates–or are they–who find each other and try to make their relationship work. That’s it, that’s the show. In this drama, the relationship truly is the plot, despite some of the fantasy elements being used to highlight its themes. La Pluie is about the importance of choice and a rebuke of romantic fantasies that fate and destiny will handle your love life for you. I and many others have written about it extensively, so if you decide to watch, you can go nuts on meta. 

Lighter & Princess - Li Xun and Zhu Yun

(China, Viki)

I really love this show. This is a long format drama so there will be longer stretches where the couple still has not officially gotten together, but the relationship between them is the heart of the entire show, and we get the distinct pleasure of watching them fall in love twice, and the second time figure out how to make it stick. Such a treat.

One Spring Night - Ji Ho and Jung In

(S Korea, Netflix)

Oh how I love this quiet little drama about two people who fall for each other while one is still in a relationship with someone else, and figure out how to untangle the mess they’re in. We get to see them not only fall in love, but figure out how to become a unit who can withstand the harsh judgment coming their way and become a family on their own terms. Bonus adorable child alert!

Tomorrow With You - So Joon and Ma Rin

(S Korea, Viki)

This time travel melodrama is one of those that I started with no expectations and then sat up part way through and said what gave you the right to be this good! This is another one where the relationship begins for dubious reasons, but the suspect motives are quickly taken over by genuine feeling. We really get to live with the relationship in this one and the message is all about treasuring the life and time we have together. 

The Rebel Princess - Awu (Wang Xuan) and Xiao Qi

(China, Viki)

I think the phrase Ride or Die was actually invented for them. Talk about a power couple. Once these two get to know each other (this is a historical so as per usual, their marriage wasn’t actually their choice but rather the result of some asshole’s machinations in a quest for power, joke’s on them though) they are in, baby, and their devotion and loyalty never wavers. This is a historical epic in war time, so the couple will be physically separated multiple times, but it only makes them stronger and each of their reunions sweeter. Their relationship is the heart of the show and the throughline in their chaotic lives.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? - Shiro and Kenji

(Japan, the ether)

Saving the best for last because this right here is the GOAT in this category. It sits at the top of my all-time favorite dramas list and I love it passionately. Because y’all? This drama is explicitly about a middle-aged couple learning how to be together in a long-term relationship. That is the entire plot. And it’s fantastic. Stop reading this and go watch it!

Honorable Mentions

Yumi’s Cells - Yu Mi and Goo Wong 

(S Korea, Viki)

This one is not on the list proper because (gasp) the couple doesn’t end up together. I know, I’m still sad about it, too, even though I went into this drama fully aware of the concept (a season about each of Yu Mi’s major relationships). But man. Yu Mi and Goo Wong just have that something, you know? Even knowing they don’t stick it out, it’s a delight to watch them fall in love and settle into a relationship together. Technically there is a second season featuring Yu Mi’s next relationship (Babi? I don’t know her), but I don’t want to recommend it and you can’t make me.

I must also give a shout out to the bl season 2s that exist expressly for the purpose of showing how the characters settle into a relationship after the first season get together:

Gameboys 2 (Philippines, Gaga) - Cairo and Gavreel

Minato’s Laundromat 2 (Japan, Gaga)- Shin and Minato 

SOTUS S and Our Skyy (Thailand, YouTube) - Kongpob and Arthit

Still 2gether (Thailand, YouTube) - Tine and Sarawat

Utsukushii Kare 2 (Japan, Gaga) - Hira and Kiyoi

And because this is my post and I make the rules, I am also doing some honorable mentions of the friends to lovers slow burns where technically they are not together until the final arc of the story but let’s be serious they are together the whole time and just don’t realize it yet so you know exactly what their relationship is going to look like:

Fight for My Way (S Korea, Viki) - Dong Man and Ae Ra

Happiness (S Korea, Viki) - Sae Bom and Yi Hyun

Hospital Playlist 1 and 2 (S Korea, Viki) - Song Hwa and Ik Jun

My Only 12% (Thailand, iQIYI) - Seeiw and Cake

My Ride (Thailand, Gaga or YouTube) - Mork and Tawan 

Romance is a Bonus Book (S Korea, Netflix) - Dan Yi and Eun Ho

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo (S Korea, Viki) - Joon Hyeong and Bok Joo

Whoops you woke the beast @troubled-mind. @rocketturtle4 @neuroticbookworm @chickenstrangers here are more for your mile long rec lists. :)))

[angelofthenight]

What Doesn’t Kill Me Pt.2

(Yandere!Alex DeLarge x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: Yandere, Dark themes, Ladstat, Swearing/Language, Unhealthy/Abusive relationship, Jealousy/Possessiveness, Social isolation, Obsessiveness, Controlling behavior, Intimidation/Coercive control/Power imbalance, Emotional/Mental trauma, Violence, Gangs, Manipulation, Physical abuse, Snake phobia, Boundary pushing, Mentions of Rape/Non-Con, Paranoia, Sexual context/themes, Alex is his own warning, You are responsible for your own content consumption

Word Count: 3.9k

Table of Contents

~

Alex Delarge was nothing but a sadistic maniac with a disturbing infatuation for you. A lunatic who could never keep it in his pants. A sociopath who acted like he’s never seen skin before. A monster who claimed to simply be in love.

And the belief of being in love was the worst thing a monster could have.

Despite his charming tone of voice and smile, despite him telling you in different words and metaphors that he loves you, he was awful to you. It was as if his infatuation and fascination with you further eroded any remaining empathy he possibly had left in him before he started to like-like you, which made him indifferent to the suffering or pain he inflicted upon you and others in the name of his delusional love.

And one of the things that created a confusing and fear-inducing environment for you was the fact that he casually alternated between moments of false kindness and extreme violence. He could be playing with your hair and telling you how pretty you were one moment then throwing a glass cup full of liquor at the wall beside your head in the next.

He used your own fear to keep you grounded and dependent. He used threats to you and others to strain you from seeking help or “tattling”. And along with fear, he employed manipulative tactics to isolate you from your friends and family. And the people he couldn’t exactly detach you from, like all of your coworkers and management, he charmed them into thinking he was this picture perfect boy.

Because of this false image of himself, you’ve despairingly found him repeatedly warmly welcomed into the restaurant you worked at. So you couldn’t even get away from him at work. Sometimes he would bring his droogs with him and seat themselves into your section. You’d watch from the back with tears in your eyes before swallowing them to go and wait on the criminals, knowing Alex was just going to flaunt his dominance over you to the boys by jokingly mocking you as you served them. They never tipped, though some days you noticed Pete linger behind the group a bit to sneak in a 15% tip under the bill.

Alex was possessive and controlling, yet he continuously pretended that he wasn’t insanely jealous of all your interpersonal relationships. He isolated you from all your friends with the threat that he would do something violently heinous to them, and he had proved to you to be true to his threats after multiple instances. He also had cut off any contact you had with your family. He claimed that he was all the company you’d ever need.

Even though his love was intense and twisted, and despite the mix of obsession and a desire to control every aspect of your life, you were still allowed to still go out and continue your life just… with no interactions longer than a minute. Especially with boys. Just seeing other guys around you drove Alex absolutely ballistic and homicidal. It was often when he would lash out at anyone who got too close to you. His overprotectiveness and his jealous greed just all overwhelmed him. He had repeatedly gone to extreme lengths to protect you, even if it meant resorting to violence. But in his twisted mind, he believed that his actions were justified simply because he was acting out of his love for you.

Even though other gangs already used to stay away from you when Alex simply just pined after you, now they really wouldn’t touch you now that you belonged to Alex. And if he ever found out another gang messed with you he would maul them all like a savage bear. He became increasingly violent and controlling, going to extreme measures to eliminate any perceived threats to this relationship of his.

He wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way or let anyone take you away from him. Not even you.

He’d use manipulation and mind games to keep you grounded, but he mostly just used fear and violence to control you. And it was a frequent thing that you found your throat being squeezed by his large hand in a fit of rage or just for fun. It took awhile, but he finally trained obedience into you. And with your obedience, only from you being utterly terrified of him, you finally got to see where he lived.

He was like a little boy excitedly showing you his room, tugging you by your hand to show all his records, especially the one from the band that united the two of you in the first place. They say that one’s bedroom was what the inside of their brain looked like, and you agreed on that statement when taking in Alex’s bizarre room. Especially when your eyes honed in on a very large poster on the wall of a traced girl with her thighs apart, her fingers spreading her vagina open.

Alex noticed where your attention was and stepped next to you to say while smiling, “Don’t get jealous, it doesn’t compare to the real thing.” He glanced down at your crotch with carnivorous eyes before telling you he had something to show you. You didn’t pay him much mind as you then dropped your concerned focus to the small four Jesus statues in a dance line, their hands still having bloodied nails.

You finally turned your head to check out what Alex wanted you to see only to be faced with a five foot long Boa Constrictor snake. You screeched loudly and flinched backwards, you couldn’t help it when you had a slight phobia of snakes.

“Don’t be poogly, my lovely, he’s not venomous. This here is Basil!” Alex said to you cheerily, holding the snake out to you as it laced around his forearms. Your eyes grew wide as you paled, you wanted to faint just at the sight of it. And the thought of touching it…

Either Alex didn’t register your disquietude or didn’t care as he wrapped his heavy snake around you starting with your arms and ending with your shoulders. You froze up completely with your features trembling in alarmed fright as the snake slithered around you, making your heart beat rapidly. Your lips were quivering and your eyes appeared blurry from growing tears. You would’ve thrown it off you if you didn’t feel paralyzed by the fear that if you just moved a muscle it would strangle you to death. Yet that fate seemed kinder than the fate with Alex.

It wasn’t until the snake slithered around your neck when your arms began to shake uncontrollably and a palpitation conquered your chest. As if it felt your pulse tap against its scales, it slightly tightened its hold on you. You snapped and loudly begged Alex through stuttered whimpers to get it off of you.

He callously giggled before he unraveled it from your jittery arms. “Alright, alright, don’t lose your head!” He joked. You did not find it funny.

Alex would make you listen to Ludwig loudly and make you listen to his rants and complaints about his day and his droogs. From what it sounded like his droogs have been questioning his leadership, you kept your theory that they were probably plotting behind his back to yourself. You eventually got to meet his droogs when you were once leaving Alex’s and they sat in the area at the bottom of the stairs. They already knew their place with you.

Alex only allowed his droogs to say hi and bye to you and maybe ask how you were doing, but that was it. You were an occasional topic the three droogs discussed when Alex wasn’t present, specifically about what they should do with you if they usurp Alex. Georgie had a fantasy of having his way with you simply because of how much Alex endlessly threatened them about you, like how you belonged to Alex and if they ever touched you he would castrate them. So fucking you would be like the ultimate middle finger to Alex.

But Georgie and Dim didn’t really see the appeal to you. Of course you were absolutely breathtaking, they all had eyes and wet dreams, but you just looked like you were about to bawl your eyes out at any given second. Alex fucked you up so much that if they tried to do the old in-out-in-out with you you’d probably just let them. And that was boring to them. You were like a doormat and plus you just kind of… bummed them out.

Though, Pete secretly had a harmless thing for you, always being the first to say ‘hi’ to you and the last to say ‘bye’ to you; being the only one of the three to ask how you were doing, really abusing the one phrase that Alex allowed them to say to you.

You could recall one time when you were descending Alex’s stairs to see them all waiting for Alex who trailed behind you. “Hello and goodbye, boys.” You said hoarsely with a pink puffiness circling your eyes and cradling your bandaged dorsal side of your arm that Alex had bitten into too deeply during a long night of fornication. Georgie and Dim both unenthusiastically mumbled a “hello, (Y/n)” in unison as you quickly passed them with your head hung low. You went straight into the rusty elevator and hit the button just as Pete squeaked out a “bye, (Y/n)”.

The doors closed yet because of how crappy it was, the elevator needed a quick minute before it could move you down. So you heard the beginning of the conversation that was about how Alex was late again so they came to wait for him. Georgie noted that he had been spending an awful lot of time with you lately and Dim joked that “The girl might’ve rotted your brain a bit?”

There was a haunting silence. The elevator finally jerked and started moving down just as a loud crack of a cane was heard followed by a pained yelp. It made you jump backwards in startelement, your back hitting the wall of the elevator as the continued sounds grew more distant.

You had spent the night at Alex’s many times, waking up to his nude body behind you with his arms cradling your nude body tightly against him; your back to his chest. His twin bed was small, not being built for two people sleeping next to each other, so the only two positions you could sleep in were him sleeping right on top of you or him squeezing you tightly against him to fit.

He always slept in which was torture for you as you always found it difficult to sleep around him. So you would stare into space for hours in a gloomy and drained state. You couldn’t get up and leave as his door had a combination lock on both sides. He’d spin the lock too fast for you to memorize or even catch the numbers.

Most days he’d send you off right away if he had a busy day ahead of him or before his parents had the chance to speak to you. But some days he’d keep you around a little longer just to take up your time. But because of this you once met his social worker who let himself in to have a discussion with Alex about his school attendance.

Alex, in only his underpants, stood behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder as a way to exemplify his innocence to the social worker as they talked and a threat to you to not say anything. But despite you not saying a word, the older creepy man took a mental note on your downcasted mood and quaking eyes. And the subtle bandages in a few places on your body.

But despite the horror of vulnerability in his home, you had grown to find your own home much more horrible.

You became a housemaid in your own home, a slave and a captive. Alex expected your flat to always be neat and tidy when he came, and better than how he leaves it. And not just simple tidiness, he would run his finger over surfaces for dust. He was a nitpicker about what needed to be cleaned or organized. Despite him not getting violent or aggressive about it, just his mere disapproval scared you enough to cater to those expectations. You couldn’t even fall asleep before scanning your whole flat in fear he would find something you didn’t notice to complain about.

You always had to cook for two just in case he showed up, always unannounced, ready to eat dinner or lunch with you (he never woke up early enough for breakfast but you would rather be safer than sorry). And every time you didn’t he would accuse you of not wanting him to show up, leading to him either brutally slapping you or choking you against the wall. And it had to be food he liked. And you always had to make sure there was milk and alcohol in the fridge, as well as drugs and marijuana he forced you to get.

There were oh so many times when you were extremely close to switching one of his drugs to a physically identical yet fatal substance. Yet you lived in the unearthly terror and dread that he would find out.

You lived on edge at home, jumping at the smallest creaks and you destroyed your clock as the ticking drove your anxiousness absolutely mad. You were a mess of a person, a neurotic person to be more exact. You just never knew when he would show up. Show up to hurt you for fun, draw blood, fuck you into the mattress despite your pleas of ‘not tonight’, smother you in his unwanted affection, forcing you to listen to his jokes about all the monstrous things he did the night before in graphic detail.

He acted as if the innocent, simple dates he took you on and the expensive gifts he bought for you with stolen money evened it all out. But it didn’t. He had damaged you inside and out; emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually.

You became a constant jittery person so the sound of a knock at your door nearly gave you a heart attack, jolting in a shake in your spot on the couch.

But… Alex never knocked.

You feared the day had come. You feared it was the day the droogs finally took down Alex and now they had come to kill you for knowing their crimes and identities. You were confident in your theory that the droogs were going to stab him in the back, and so you spent many nights praying at the foot of your bed for it to happen since it seemed more realistic than Alex’s death or arrest. Yet you also found yourself praying to God for the droogs to show you mercy and spare you. But that specific prayer didn’t feel as listened to, nor realistic to you.

So you slowly and cautiously walked to your front door with shaky breathing pumping through your lungs. You delicately placed your hands on the door so you could carefully peek through your peephole. Your shrunken pupils saw a boy your age from your college standing in the hall with his hands patiently in his pockets. You flinched away from the door when he knocked again, the worry for both of your safety’s embraced you like suffocation. If Alex knew about this…

You wanted to go hide and wait for him to leave but the fact you shared a class with him made you think this might be important. So despite your paranoia that Alex would learn of this interaction with the opposite gender, you unlocked and opened your door the size of your shoulder width. You didn’t greet him as you quickly looked down both sides of the hallway to check for your unhinged and possessive boyfriend.

When the coast was clear your obviously nervous eyes looked at the awkward guy, waiting for his explanation. He awkwardly smiled softly, his hands fiddling in his coat pockets. “Hi, I know we don’t really talk, but I’m in your anthropology class.”

You acted like a kicked puppy and looked like a sad clown painting, clinging onto your door like you were about to slam it at any second. “Yes… I know you…” You glanced down the halls again before looking him up and down. “…Why are you here?” Your voice was hoarse and quiet; shaky and weak.

The boy, whose name you recalled as Patrick, removed his hands from his pockets to nervously fold them together. “Well, I know it’s not my place but I’ve noticed you have been missing a lot of classes lately, which I found a bit out of character for you compared to how you’ve always been in school.” He said, referencing how you used to always be an exceptional student… before Alex conquered and messed up your life patterns.

You kept avoiding eye contact, glancing around the hall then looking to the floor then to the wall behind him. You wiggled a little bit in nervous discomfort. You wished he would stop digging and leave the way he came. “I just… I have bigger things going on in my life right now.”

Patrick nodded with saddened features. “I know. That’s not the only thing I came here to say. You might know my girlfriend, Sheila? She’s roommates with your friend Adrienne.” You shifted again, because of Alex you no longer interacted with any of your friends anymore. And the one you kept socializing with, one that called you often when Alex was at your place, had a violent surprise run-in with a masked gang wearing white and codpieces. You avoided her after she got out of the hospital, for her own safety and your own guilt.

“…We don’t really talk anymore.” You spoke in a hushed tone, staring at the floor again. He slowly nodded again with a sorrowful frown. “Yes, I know. Adrienne said you completely shut her out out of the blue one day, same with the rest of your friends.”

You didn’t respond. You didn’t even know how to respond. So you remained silent.

“It was actually Adrienne’s idea for me to come here. But I mostly just came here on my own accord.” He started with a firmer tone of voice. “I know your boyfriend. Alex. I’ve seen you guys together a lot around town. I went to school with him before he was held back then put in the correction thing, and our fathers work together.”

You shrunk away from him, squeezing the door and the doorframe while glancing into his concerned eyes then the floor once again. “…I’ll tell him you said hi then.” You said, beginning to lean back to close the door but his voice halted your action as well as him reaching out to you but not close enough to touch. “No, no. What I’m trying to say is…” He took a long pause, seemingly trying to gather the right words as he bit the inside of his cheek and his brows curved upward.

“I know what kind of person Alex is. And, forgive me, but I can’t help but worry about you. I just wanted to stop by and ask if you were okay. Because if he’s…” he tried to think of a softer way to say what he was suspecting was going on in your relationship, “doing bad things to you I can help you.” He ended his statement and offer with a frown and consoling look.

Your head began to feel dazed and a thick lump sat in your throat that you just couldn’t swallow away. You glanced around the hallway again, feeling your paranoia and fear crawl up your back like snakes with the intent to strangle you. “I appreciate your worry,” you finally made eye contact to use all your strength to morph your face into contentedness and force a small smile, “but I am happy and doing just fine.” But your smile merely looked like someone put fish hooks in the corners of your lips and lifted them up by the thread. And the thick gloss in your eyes and your eyebrows that curved up only made your expression more unsettling to Patrick.

“I’m happier than ever, I really am.” You forced yourself to say. Yet visually and audibly pretending to be happy to be with Alex made you ferociously sick deep in your stomach creating a nasty nausea, your mind only replaying the most traumatic things he’s done to you from the horrific raping to the strangulations.

“Are you sure?” He pushed, wanting to hear the consenting approval of his help from your own mouth. Your forced smile began to shake like it was a heavy weight you weren’t trained to hold, and your tears also grew so unbearably heavy that you believed if you just blinked they would cascade down your face. “Yes.” You forced yourself to say again through your shaking teeth and self-repugnance. You forced the words of, “I think you should go now.”

Patrick frowned but gradually nodded. He said something as he slowly turned on his heels to leave but the ringing in your ears deafened it out. He was leaving, this was the first person to seriously reach out to you and offered you help and an escape, and you were sending him away! Were you really going to pass up this rare opportunity? You were practically digging your own grave and picking out your own tombstone. You were walking towards the edge of the cliff while thrashing your arm out of the hold of someone trying to tug you away from it.

You realized you couldn’t live in fear of Alex forever, you had to take the leap of faith and trust yourself to outsmart Alex. All you had to do was make a phone call when Alex wasn’t around: the early morning where Alex would still be asleep at his flat. You wanted to leave Alex more than you ever wanted anything ever in your whole life.

“Wait… please.” You squeaked out in a hushed tone as the tears finally drizzled out of your pink eyes, Patrick quickly returning to his previous stance to face you. You weeped for a few seconds to gather your thoughts before you moved to the side to rip off a corner of the morning paper that laid on the coffee table beside your door, grabbing the pen as well. You handed them both to him. “What’s your number?”

Patrick smiled happily for you before quickly jotting it down and handing it back to you. You quickly hid it in between the pages of the newspaper. You looked back at him with your bottom lip quivering and tears still swelled up within your orbs. “Thank you.” You croaked through your restrained sob, eyes bright despite the tears as you appeared like you’ve seen an angel.

Someone had finally sent you down a rope into your hellhole.

[fleet-off]

Headcanons regarding Pete and macau's relationship? Like their dynamics?

Ooohh, thank you for this question, anon! As it happens I have a whole essay of thoughts on Pete and Macau’s relationship, and I am currently going insane about it in an in-progress chapter of Menagerie. Have a free mini-snippet?

Pete hums. “Yeah, I figured your hia picked it up somewhere. He’s not half the original he thinks he is.” With a sideways glance, he adds, “You used to throw rocks at Khun Noo’s koi, too.” Macau’s ears heat up like he’s been caught with the pebbles in his hand. He whirls to face Pete. “I wasn’t mad, I was just,” he starts to protest, scrambling for the edges of the sneering mask that’ll let him pretend it doesn’t matter— Pete raises his eyebrows. He knows. “It’s easy to get vindictive when you’re angry about things you can’t control,” he offers. Pete is like that sometimes, under the feigned clumsiness and foolish-eyed smiles. He knows exactly what to say to make Macau feel uncomfortably understood. It’s fucking ruthless. Macau doesn’t know if he’ll ever quite be used to it.

Whoops, kiddo got perceived.

See, Macau has a lot of Vegas in him, and Macau is the reason Vegas has any capacity for tenderness. And Pete is very aware of this—Pete is the one who twice lists Macau as reason for Vegas to live. (side thought but. the parallel between Vegas and Porsche there, with Porsche having this directive from his mother to survive until Chay gets through college? and that not ultimately being enough to live for? simply fillet me okay I’m—)

Anyway. Pete knows he’s signing up for some Macau too, and that means signing up for the brat who likes to throw rocks and jumpscare poor unsuspecting spies. And Pete knows well that said brat is a teen with the family inferiority complex, that he is widely disregarded and ignored (in need of love), and that his world revolves around the only person in this world who has loved him and made him feel a part of things. And that person is—for the first month—lying comatose between them in a hospital bed.

Pete’s world revolves around the same broken-aching-tender point. And this is the part Macau knows even if he doesn’t know why, so for the first month? That’s where their dynamic lives.

And then Vegas is awake, and there’s a potential for happiness in him that simply was not there before, and it’s Pete. Pete can make Vegas better. That means it’s Macau’s job to help make sure Pete stays. And isn’t it fascinating that Macau goes straight for “in-law”? Straight for “family,” because in Macau and Vegas’s world family is the ultimate binding. Macau says in-law and means you’re part of us now. For better or for worse. For good.

(There is—not jealousy, but a niggling sense of personal insufficiency underneath. Macau’s world does revolve around Vegas. However miserable life gets, Macau has his big brother and that is enough to keep him living and pushing forward.

Macau isn’t enough to keep Vegas on this earth.

Which is. Fine. Nothing new. Macau’s never been enough, why would the most important person in his world be any different? He can help keep Vegas’s world here, and maybe that’ll count for something.)

I think it takes Macau several months to realize that Pete isn’t a silver bullet for his brother’s mental health and happiness.

Pete’s just a dude. He likes video games where he gets to play a secret agent. He and Vegas argue loud and make up louder. Dropping dishes makes him jumpy. He sweats and laughs a lot when he’s drunk, and swallows disgusting herbal concoctions the next morning to deal with the hangover. When he notices Macau’s expectations for him and Vegas, he either smiles too wide or goes very quiet and still and Macau’s not sure which is worse. Sometimes he forgets to lock the bathroom door. Sometimes Macau dozes off on his shoulder during movie night and he doesn’t move until Macau stirs awake.

Sometimes he fucks up, the way people do.

And Macau realizes: maybe the only person who can keep someone on this earth is the person themselves. And maybe Vegas sometimes needs his brother, the one who made his crooked arms a cradle. And maybe Pete and Macau sometimes need each other too, because their world is hard and there are struggles only the two of them know—as if by dull fluorescent light, as if by the steady-prayer beat of a heart monitor. And definitely, always, the three of them need each other.

[raccoonfallsharder]

what’s your favorite version of rocket? for me it’s between eidos rocket and mcu rocket

this is such a great question ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

it’s like asking “what’s your favorite star in the sky?” “which ice cream is the best ice cream?” “what flower do you prefer?” “what bird is the coolest bird?” “what cat is the best cat?”

it’s not that i don’t have a fave (i do, or at least i think i do), it’s just that im picking from such a fucken splendor of options. truly spoiled for choice. there’s no wrong answer here (although some of the comics artists have never, i think, seen a raccoon. here’s lookin at you timothy green ii).

so i’ll rank these motherfuckers but understand that i love them all differently. also im sticking to various versions of canon but honestly some of my fave rockets come from fanfiction writers like @hibatasblog, @caesarhamato22, @aliasrocket, & @elegant-fleuret ~ and what is mcu rocket or cartoon rocket or eidos rocket really but fanfiction with a budget?

anyone else who wants to share their faves and why, please do. it's so fucken fascinating to learn why certain rockets appeal to different people!

Grounded: Rocket Raccoon (2016) story by matthew rosenberg // pencil & ink by jorge coelho i love this furry bastard so much and this whole arc pulls on all my heartstrings which is probably why my first rocket fanfic was based off this storyline. he's at his snarkiest, most cynical self, still saving people in spite of how fucken thankless everyone around him is. as much as comics-rocket talks about how everything he does is for the money, i feel like this series really exemplifies his begrudging willingness to do the right thing for people even when people suck. i just wanna love on him tbh (platonically, romantically, domestically). wanna take care of him. wanna build him a blanket-fort and feed him hot cocoa. grumpy asshat

MCU's Guardians of the Galaxy (2014-2023) created by james gunn, et al. nose to tail, this rocket has the most consistent and coherent character development and we get to see so many sides of him in one long-lived arc, and it's fucking beautiful. just because of the nature of comics in general, we never get to see this much growth in any single incarnation of rocket. but here we have sad-rocket, dad-rocket, lonely-rocket, friend-rocket, baby-rocket, captain-rocket - i love him so much and what this movie has given us in terms of a fully-fleshed out character. plus we get to hear lines like "oh yeah" (you know EXACTLY what i'm talkin about) and his goddamn singing. not to mention that beautiful expressive face.... the way he moves when he's beating the shit out of ravagers... what? huh? where was i?

Rocket Raccoon: Blue River Score (2017) story by al ewing // pencil & ink by adam gorham i fucken love this comic arc. we get a lot of rocket in a suit and we get to see his impulsive behavior, his softness for otta (and by extension, his desire to love/be loved) despite their history, his cleverness in the colon and the final heist, and his relationship with gatecrasher. PLUS if you thought one sad snarky gun-wielding maniac wasn't enough, there's a subplot where rocket and deadpool team up and it's the best thing in the world. just a perfect little kiss from every five-star chef in the galaxy. i love rocket's last few lines to deadpool in this segment. perfection

Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy Game. (2021) by eidos-montreal and marvel entertainment. just to note: 4,5, and 6 got real murky for me in terms of figuring out how to rank these rockets. i wish i could watch this game multiple times so i could get a better feel for who this rocket is but it is SUCH an undertaking tbh. still, this rocket is so good. bitter, hilarious, sassy, isolated. i love him so much. i just want to play with his beard and also say lots of nice (occasionally naughty) things to him so he blushes really hard like in that sequence where pete was like "you deserve some praise" (i think that was the closest we've ever seen rocket to actual death, volume three included). there's a thing about rockets-in-general that i think this rocket in particular really pulls out of me: the desire to trust, and to be worthy of trust. ...that and the fact that you just know this guy is fuckin filthy. when he decides he wants you, he's gonna make you miserable in all the best ways. like, the level of teasing would be so over-the-top you might spontaneously combust before you get into bed (though luckily, he is an expert when it comes to manipulating combustibles).

Assorted other comic appearances that I've smushed into one thing in my mind. i dunno, friend. rocket who blames himself for pete's apparent death breaks my heart. rocket who thinks he's the only one of the guardians left breaks my heart. rocket who blames himself for groot's death breaks my heart. rocket who is sick and alone on halfworld like an animal crawling under the porch to die but ends up leaving inside a giant mech-suit to save his friends breaks my heart. rocket who protects chewy's kids breaks my heart even though it's supposed to be a lighthearted fucken arc. there are more.

Rocket Raccoon, Volume 2. (2014-205) story by skottie young, pencil & ink by various artists. yo. this rocket is so different and yet still perfectly rocket. he's a hyped-up little gremlin of a guy who fucks and is probably constantly high off blaster-fumes and engine-fuel. i fucken love him so much. imagine rocket with no self-confidence issues who pops caffiene pills and energy drinks every half-hour and smashes anything that can orgasm, and you've got a skottie young rocket. while other rockets might get you off because they think they've got something to prove or want to keep you coming back, this is a rocket who has learned how to use his tail solely for the fact that it's a claim to fame that means he can get laid anytime he wants. he never lacks for an excited partner (or partners) because everyone in sixty-nine systems knows how fuckin good he is. ultimately, he fucks like a god for the most (apparently) selfish, shallow reasons (and then inevitably ghosts his partners). or maybe not. maybe he's also just obsessed with the idea that anything he's gonna do, he has to do over-the-top. like planning an intergalactic scavenger hunt for your friend's birthday. ...but scrape the surface and underneath you find a guy who's just so afraid of being the only one of his kind that he's gotta fuck or shoot everything in his vicinity. what a wild little shithead. i love him so much, so much. p.s. the fron storyline - the cold, parts one and two - is one of my favorites. he loves groot so much. and princess jink is the fucken best

Guardians of the Galaxy TV Series/Cartoon. (2015-2019). i enjoyed this rocket and his gremlin ways. his fascination with duct tape is a particular point of charm. the take on his backstory was interesting. loved the episode with ja kyee lrurt - like it was so fuckin cute i could die. i need more of THAT storyline in particular.

Rocket & Groot TV Series/Cartoon. (2017) i loved this so much but it just left me wanting more (just because, you know, of the nature of this type of short-episode media). big skottie young energy. ultimately, trevor devall does a fine job but i think his voice in both this and the other cartoon make it a little harder for me to fully embrace these rockets. like his interpretation of rocket's voice just doesn't match mine, you know? and that's okay. still would rewatch 5,739 times.

how's that? i still need to watch telltale but i think i got most of the iterations in there lol. anyone i forgot, or who is worth specifically pulling out and mentioning by author/issue/edition?

[stackthedeck]

what are ur thoughts on spidery!pete?

also if those thoughts are positive, do you have any related fic recs?

anon I love you but I'm offended that you would even ask this! This trope is like crack cocaine to me and I've written a few of these actually. I could have sworn I did a video for this for tiktok but that was the inappropriate use of superpowers videos which is just a little bit different.

This trope can be subdivided into two categories: cute and silly, and monster fucking. I prefer the second one but I'll make a list for both

✨silly and cute✨

the human heating pad by stackthedeck. Gotta promote my own stuff lmao but I am proud of this fic, Peter purrs like a spider

I'm Something of a Scientist Myself by fancastical. This is E and can be an squick for some people, but all the fun spider mating habits made me laugh and I think the relationship was built really well. Like seriously so many spider facts

Sweet As Sugar In My Mouth by kingkuebiko. Again with the spider mating habits but it's cute, short, and sweet and also from Peter's perspective so he's like "why is this doing it for me???"

It's the thought that counts by aurorae. Very very spidery Peter, just a cute fluffy one-shot of spideypool getting together

Spider’s Out of the Bag by ShimmeringBubble. Another purring fic but this time Miles gets in on it!! This fic is so cute and I love seeing them acting like brothers and god I just love Miles he's my favorite boy <3

Fics that make a compelling argument that Peter is the monster in the monster fucker ship dynamic (read the tags so so carefully):

caught in the spider's web by Stackthedeck. I wrote this one, web bondage and fangs, have fun!

Babe Wake Up, It's Pumpkin Spice Season by X_Gon_Give_It. More web bondage!! This fic has fantastic sexual tension and leans into a more spidery Peter being very dangerous

Cicatrices by WaterMe. God I adore this fic!! It's more focused on the implications of Wade's powers at first which I fucking love!! Not only is Peter more spidery it physically affects him and it's fascinating. Like this fic is not afraid to play with the dark implications of powers, but there's lots of really tender moments between Wade and Peter

The Moist Demanding Chasm of His Mouth by PastaPapi. Fangs!! Not twilight vampire fangs but like supernatural vampire fangs, trust me this shit fucks but please read the tags. Also the Spinnerets <3

Pearlescent Silk by Chancy_Lurking. This one is honestly pretty tame and sweet but I know the wrussy is not everyone's cup of tea. But it's mine and this is so good!!

[crepesuzette2023]

regarding your tags on the john/george side of your brain.. it all gets us eventually! I would love to see your take on their dynamic if you ever felt compelled to do so.

My sudden fascination with them is strongly visual so far (just look at this beautiful work of art, or this one, or this color photograph of them, and also these photographs of the Lennons/Harrisons vacationing together)—and my take on their dynamic is largely informed by vibes and daydreams. But there's something there! Let me try to verbalize:

Yes, there's the whole 'baby brother—hero-worship—George as Paul's pre-John—George as John's substitute-Paul' thing.

But what interests me more is the bond between them that starts to form in Hamburg. Or did it? To oversimplify grossly, the Exis fell in love with John and George, and less (least?) so with Paul. I'm thinking that John got his 'in' via Stuart—but why George?

Because of his bear hugs and his looks and hair and being hot to both girls and boys, yes. But his character must have played a role, too. George is the one who deadpanned sense into dull press conferences; he's the one who told Brian Epstein that Clive should treat him with the respect owed to an older brother; he's the one who wanted Ringo in the band,—and he played lead guitar from the start. That's some firm little...ego.

And the way he acted at school, too. His complete indifference to anything that didn't interest him...and his embrace of unconventional clothing, apparently worn for his own pleasure instead for effect. He was deeply unconventional and independently-minded, the way 'the quiet ones' often are.

At the same time, I don't want to walk into the you had to be truly very special in order to earn a second look from John Lennon trap (because if that's true, how do you explain Pete Shotton?). I think love and gentler hues were very much part of their dynamic. George's family background is as different from John's as possible. if George, coming from a big and stable family, didn't feel particular keen to start one on his own in any kind of hurry, it's because he's coming from a place of security: you don't need to build what you already have. (Maybe there's a link to George's ability to be a great collaborator with other musicians as well.)

I'm sure it also allowed him to be there for John, in an unobtrusive way, after Stuart's death. George also wasn't burdened by his dislike of Stuart (as Paul admitted he was), and could carry John's grief with him.

None of this comes even close to sketching a 'dynamic', of course. In the end, much of John and George's relationship was overshadowed by the relationships each had Paul—but perhaps this wasn't always the way. And maybe the resentment that appears to have haunted their later years together could have been overcome. Listening to George's bite during Anthology, I like to believe that.

I know very little about George, I admit. The Philip Norman bio has no substance. I understand there's a much better one by Graeme Thomson—an early entry on my next Christmas list... This post has some interesting quotes from Astrid Kirchherr about George.

[i-sveikata]

Hi author, I was rereading Graveyards (as I do quite often) when I noticed it. Vegas' pet hedgehog does not make an appearance in your fic and I'm thankful for that. Because the hedgehog in the show was so obviously a parallel to Pete being Vegas' "pet" which made me somewhat uncomfortable.

I guess I just want to know what are your thoughts on that hedgehog and was it a deliberate choice on your part to not include that in the fic?

Sending you love! <3

Hey anon!! Aw man no offence to the hedgehog but it was just that bit too cringe for me tbh and since I wasn’t interested in making their dynamic be solely about pet/master- at least with Pete as the pet and Vegas as the master (lol might be a bit of that dynamic the other way around in graveyards but more feral dog/ owner with Vegas putting the leash on himself) the parallel of the existing pet in pete wasn’t a point I was interested in making. So yes it was a deliberate choice!

Yeah I totally get it being a little uncomfy tbh (not everyone’s cup of tea which is fine) but yeah for me that was just the least interesting part of their interactions on screen. It was more about the relenting/ submission/ relinquishing of control or admission of buried pleasure that was fascinating to me. Obvs I’ve taken a fair bit of creative licence with some of the changes I’ve made so the choice not to have the (albeit cute and then very dead) hedgehog just came down to personal preference. I mean it was an interesting kind of metaphor for the scenario- if Pete is the pet then exactly like the hedgehog no matter how well Vegas takes care of him he still won’t survive in a cage- they couldn’t go on in the safe house forever like that not if they wanted either of them to survive.

I felt that Pete’s introspective POV easily covered that sentiment anyway so I didn’t feel like I was making a huge change removing the hedgehog tbh. Also different mediums means different restrictions!! So imo visual metaphors don’t have the same kind of vital importance in written works than they would in a visual medium. If they do it’s expressed in a different way.

But yeah if I’d kept it solely to only what was seen in the tv show (and I hadn’t heard fandom rumbles about the difference between that and what their relationship was like in the original novel) their dynamic would honestly have been less interesting to me.

Like if it was basically just- guy gets captured and abused- feelings get muddled between them when they fall into a master/ pet kind of dynamic and then he hooks up with his captor in a (dubious) heat of the moment thing and then the captor realises feelings, let’s him go/ he escapes. but then nothing truly significant in their dynamic/ statuses changes after that if anything Pete becomes more powerless and victimised in a way that leaves him with barely any agency. before they’re suddenly agonising over being on opposite sides in the coup and then trying to move forward before one almost dies. Then it was just an abrupt skipping ahead to domestic loving relationship in the end where the captor decided they wouldn’t be pet/ master anymore and they would try this for serious with Pete as Vegas’ most important person- I guess I just wanted a bit more depth to that than what I saw in the show- there really felt like a lot more potential for their relationship to grow in a way that felt genuine without sacrificing the significance of their pivotal interactions that we were outright shown. Also there was soooo much room for the cat/ mouse dynamic which I absolutely love to write especially when it’s mixed with romance and sexual tension. And as so much of how they started kind of ended up the opposite which I always find very narratively satisfying in a circular kind of way. I.e Pete starting out stalking Vegas, and Vegas has zero interest in him, to Vegas becoming obsessed with Pete after the time they had together and him being the one stalking Pete, desperate to keep his attention. That’s such a - beaten by your own game, fuck around and find out kind of element that I love to see in stories- and to happen to characters who think they’ve got it all figured out- when inside they’re afraid and insecure and desperate to be loved. Poor Vegas.

Tbh that’s why so much of my fic is kind of flipping their original dynamic on its head and why so much of their interactions are around power and control and how that becomes reversed because that element of it WAS the most interesting to me. Because everything should have changed in a way that neither of them can ever come back from!!! What they’ve done to each other has broken them in a way that ruined them for anybody else. Like at this point whatever freaky little dynamic they’ve got is a thousand times better than what they’d both be doing if they weren’t together lol. They really are the whole- wouldn’t want to inflict them on anyone else- dynamic but together they work as a full codependency/ high intensity, high heat relationship lol. this whole fic is just shameless character study, subversion of power and an in-depth exploration of repressed pleasure lmao. Whoops very long answer but basically yes it all was totally intentional sorry hedgehog!

[three--rings]

Vegaspete Recs

I had been thinking of making this list for a while, but @kprecfest has made me actually do it. 

Assume all of these are kinky and contain less than perfectly healthy bdsm dynamics.  In absolutely no order at all.

Fics Set During Canon:

like a trigger, get me ready to shoot by Lise aka @veliseraptor​  (M, 6K) Vegas POV character study, looking at his sadism, his violence, and his sexual history, leading up to keeping Pete prisoner and then Pete leaving.  Ends on a down note due to canon, but really well-explored.

Starving, Faithful by nonplussed (M, 19K) - Missing scenes from Pete’s POV between the shootout and the final VP scene in ep 14.  A little sad and angsty, a little soft, nicely done.  

Post-Canon Relationship Negotiation Fics:

This is really the flavor of VP I went looking for the most, so it’s gonna be a long list. 

The Storm Never Came by heyitsathrowaway (E, 4K) Set immediately upon Vegas waking up in the hospital, this fic aches with Vegas’s POV and issues and his initial reluctance to give in to how he really wants to treat Pete.

lion in my living room by Pettecal72 (E, 6K) A very sharp Vegas POV fic of his recovery, Pete bullying him into letting himself be cared for, and Vegas finally letting himself let go enough to be really mean to Pete in bed. 

begging to bleed by Lise aka @veliseraptor (E, 10K) - Pete gets tired of Vegas being careful with him, demands Vegas stop being nice.  Vegas rises to the challenge.  Very, very hot. 

yes, love can be the violence by dustbottle (E, 8K) - A long, slow recovery, with a good dollop of angst and pain along the way, but also some very soft romantic stuff, and kinky smutty bits, too. 

my desire that you feed by evashougouki (E, 4K) - Of all of these this is very possibly my favorite.  This fic has SHARP edges and it hurts in the very best way.  Vegas and Pete are hurting, especially Vegas.  They bury their feelings in sex, after talking about it a little. 

Post-Canon Plot Fics:

I struggled with the category for these, since using ‘plot’ is misleading. They are still mostly porn.  But they involve a new status quo for Vegaspete, them settled into their life together, maybe having a few adventures or interacting with the rest of the cast.

okay, baby, here’s the leash by ThirdActLove (E, 5K) - Vegas and Pete attend their first mafia gathering post canon, right after Vegas gives Pete a diamond collar to wear.  Sexy showing off of their kinks in public, tension with the main family, lovely smut.

give me your trust, look me in the eyes and confess your lust by petes_vegas (E, 43K) Okay look is this basically 43 K of smut?  Yes, yes it is.  Pete and Vegas have a competition to see which of them can make the other come more in a 24 hour period.

i fill you up, drink from my cup by petes_vegas (E, 7K) - Pete and Vegas have a fight right before going to a mafia gathering and both try to make each other jealous...

I’ll Swear That I Love You by YourKnightOfRage (E, 45K) - 3 years post canon, Pete wakes up from an accident with amnesia.  Last he remembered he was Vegas’s captive.   Vegas and everyone else have to help him learn to trust and settle into his life again.  Really fascinating look at a future for the couple, as well as exploring their past in a different way.  Also really very soft because it’s in the context of them as a happily married couple (with Venice as their kid.)

AU Fics:

Silver Circle by greygerbil (E, 16K) - Fake relationship, enemies to lovers fic in which Pete agrees/is forced to pretend to be Vegas’s new boyfriend/partner for plot reasons.  Vegas enjoys making him uncomfortable by making him play sub for him, except they both enjoy it...a lot.

If You Had Something to Lose by @raelle-writing (E, 169K, WIP) - This is the monster of this rec post, a currently updating WIP at 15 chapters/?  This is the only WIP I’m super actively reading right now, which is how much I’m enjoying it.  Pete is a college student who saves Vegas (still a mafia heir) from some yakuza.  They strike up a casual sexual relationship that ends up drawing Pete into Vegas’s world and not being so casual at all.  Side Kinn/Porsche in which Porsche is also just a random college student.  And also Chay/Macau.  There’s a reason this fic is approaching 200K. 

There are other fics I’m either in the middle of reading or have tabs open on or whatever, this is by no means exhaustive.

[broomsticks]

HP fic rec list: underrated gems of 2022

AO3 collection here. mostly ultra rare pairs, gen fic, character studies, and G/T rated fic. all are short <10k-ish reads (plenty of <1k ficlets) - do give them a read if any look interesting!

transports of delight by @swoontodeath (1.7k, G). The Knight Bus meets the Catbus. Sometimes destiny looks a lot like driving in the same direction.

pairing: Knight Bus (Harry Potter)/Catbus (My Neighbor Totoro). come for the crack ship, stay for the autistic stan shunpike. i’m a sucker for outsider POV and this is why — such great opportunity for some unique characterization, which this author took full advantage of here!

-#-

Life of Pye by @houseofhebrideanblacks (9k, E). Augustus Pye sees patients at St. Mungo's.

SUCH a creative unique fic - love it when authors take their deep IRL expertise and weave it into the canon HP verse. as the author put it, for anyone curious about what a nonmagical doctor sounds like writing about what they imagine magical medicine is like, day in and day out.

“It’s Puddlemere versus the Cannons tonight. The cup final.” Pye stopped mid-stride and mid-thought, shoulders seeming to weep under the weight of realisation. “Oh no,” he almost whispered. “Oh yes,” Marge glowered, “and you’re alone tonight, Rupert is off sick.” “Good heavens,” Pye whimpered, his coffee seeming to shrink in his hand, both in potency and relevance. In the waiting room behind him, three blokes hurricaned in chanting “CANNONS, CANNONS, CANNONS,” their unconscious friend slumped and dragged between them. “You know how it is, Pye,” Marge turned and shuffled back to validate the young witch’s national insurance card. Speaking over her shoulder, she finished, “never a dull moment at Mungo’s.”

-#-

Strangers In A Strange Land by @sleepstxtic (7.5k words, T). Helga, Salazar, and Godric dock in a strange land looking for the elusive fourth member of their team.

helga/rowena, founders friendship with POC Rowena Ravenclaw and Viking Helga Hufflepuff. CANON NODS and POC REP and FEMSLASH and a wonderful fascinating setting — ticks every single one of my AU boxes. another incredibly inventive and criminally underrated story.

-#-

A Different Truth by @paulamcg (2.8k, G). A week before Halloween 1993, when a colleague appreciates his company, Cuthbert may feel alive, even though he's dead and it's Saturday.

ok this is the last time i will say criminally underrated. canon-compliant POA first person cuthbert binns & remus lupin. this could’ve been slash and i would’ve been sold on it. i love their friendship, bonding over literature (of course) and a walk in the woods (so unexpected, but works so well.)

-#-

Meagre Pieces by @vdoshu (1k words, T). The Muggle-born Registration Commission is announced, and Andromeda feels sick.

The fact that the first Muggle-born Minister for Magic was a great victory for equality . . . one which was never again repeated.

@thistlecatfics’s trans teddy tonks x andromeda is taking over the world and i’m here for it. the political commentary in this. doshu you absolute wizard — you’ve got such range and you nail it every. single. time.

-#-

O let the world come at you, love (currently anonymous) (5k, T). Twelve-year-old Harry tries to figure out his parents' polyamorous relationship with Peter Pettigrew.

the first fic for the peter/lily/james tag on AO3, gifted to me for this year’s rare pairs exchange, and it’s all the wholesome fluff i i could’ve wanted from this ship and more!!! so much poly rep!! background wolfstar+tonks (ish), dorlene+implied others, and just the perfect epilogue 🥰

"Does it bother you that your parents are with Pete?" Sirius asked. "No! I know they're polymers."

-#-

Nirmal by @crazybutgood (2.8k, G).

postwar cho/padma. i ADORE this fic. there are literally LINKS to all the places and foods and songs mentioned, it’s an ENTIRE immersive multimedia experience in 3k words - a beautiful and horrendously underappreciated fic, imo.

hawa paani ka badlaav hona chahiye—A change in atmosphere is often needed to improve one's health or state of mind. Literally, a change in the winds, and the water. Parvati quoted that saying to us one evening last month, suggesting that it would be good for Cho and me. My parents knew that I had been with Cho for just over a year then, and welcomed her to stay with us after the Battle … Cho actually looked interested at the idea and suggested our home countries for a month each. And so, we’re currently visiting Mumbai first, staying in a Muggle area at my Muggle maushi’s place, in July—during the monsoon season.

-#-

a heart the size of jupiter (a smile like the sun) by gghostish (300 words, G, no archive warnings).

linny, epileptic luna lovegood. such a lovely achy hurty little thing ❤️

-#-

métamorphoses by @venom0usbarbie (5k, M). The blood curse took her grandmother. And now, she has to pay the piper if she doesn't want it to take her too.

astoria greengrass-centric, astoria & hermione (gen/possible pre-relationship). this fic wow. where do i begin!! the descriptive writing. the angsty family feels. the way barbie writes the blurring of thoughts and feelings and emotions into physical sensations is harrowingly good. check out everything else by her if you liked this, her style is inimitable.

-#-

wood-rush and wildflowers by @nanneramma (500 words, G). Lily has a secret, and it's time to tell Petunia.

wonderful little canon compliant alternate character POV vignette, gorgeous writing. also reccing this horrorific pansy/tom (ad te omnis caro veniet, 1.3k, M), this gorgeously sad canon-compliant alice & neville (gaps, 300, G), and every single one of nan’s summer femslash double drabbles!

-#-

covered in your ivy by @girl-with-goats (1.5k, M).

smutty BDSM remus/lily with planty metaphors that just work so well for this pairing!

-#-

I Always Underestimate You by @patriceavril (10k, M).

sirius & lily friendship! multi-era, canon compliant, sirius/mary and jily. i love the way patrice characterizes this friendship -- it’s not always easy, and that’s why it feels so earned!

-#-

Madam Smith by @lumosatnight (200 words, G). HOKEY/WINKY! SO charming and sweet and lovely and fluffy.

A Bleak Midwinter by @bluesundaycake (500, T). A Fenrir Greyback character study. feel sorry for baby fenrir thank you bye <3

Pray by @krethes (300, T). A Hope Lupin character study. yes hello hi read and CRY WITH ME

The Prince's Poems by @inmyownlittlecorner5. seven poems, misc formats. this author writes the most enthralling snape, and making it poetry is just !!! unfair. such powerful writing in so few words.

[yujeong]

For a writing prompt, how about Pete and his grandmother, post-canon? It could be Vegas/Pete + Macau + Pete's grandmother as well or any combination you want ^_^

I wonder how his grandmother would react to seeing a Pete she both knows and one who has been changed. How would Pete walk the line between the truth she deserves to know and the pain he wants to preserve her from? There are so many unique tensions between them that I'd love to see you explore <3

My beautiful friend, how kind of you to send me this prompt ❤️ Pete and his relationship with his grandma has occupied my thoughts many, many times, so this is an incredible chance to explore them. You already know this, but for the rest who will read it, the following will be part of a bigger fic I intend to write someday, which I had presented briefly here: aka, Pete will be teaching Vegas boxing post-canon, despite both of their better judgements. Here, Pete's grandmother finds out about it 😌 It's a very rough draft and very incomplete, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless 🥰 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Pete, dear, you're adding too many peppers." The pan made a sizzling sound when he added the fifth pepper into the mix, ignoring his grandma's comment. "Don't worry, grandma. It's fine. It's not too spicy," he said, adding another one just because. He heard a deep sigh coming from the laptop placed on the counter next to him. A smile appeared on his lips. "For you and me it isn't, but you know how the city boys are." "I know," Pete agreed, "I'm preparing this for them. Macau will be fine, he's taken this as a challenge." "That young man and his bravado," his grandma sighed again. "Sometimes, I worry he'll get himself into real trouble one day." "You and me both, grandma," Pete said and shook his head at the memories that resurfaced. It couldn't really be described as sadness, this feeling that overtook him. More like fondness mixed with melancholy. Macau had been through a lot this past year and Vegas' recklessness lately was making it worse. Not that Pete could exactly blame him for it.

"Pete, the temperature is too high, lower the heat a bit," his grandma suddenly said, snapping him out of his thoughts. It was fascinating how she could understand these things without being able to see the meal being prepared. Pete had placed the laptop at an angle that only showed his torso and the kitchen table behind him, his face hidden completely from view. If he did that on purpose, it simply couldn't be proven in any way. He slowly turned the dial to lower the temperature as he was told, then stretched his arm to grab a wooden spoon with which he started scraping the bottom of the pan, making sure the mix wouldn't get burned. "Hm, I think it's almost done, it only-" "Pete." He stopped talking. He knew that tone. He had made a mistake. "Show me your hands." Fuck. She saw the marks. "I'm cooking grandma, what-" "Stop what you're doing and show me your hands right now." He tried not showing his discomfort as he lowered the heat even more and presented his open palms to the screen. He could see his grandma's wrinkled face, her frown deep and concerning. This was going to be hell. Pete tried avoiding showing his knuckles, but it was impossible; she insisted on seeing every single part of Pete's hands. He always hated when she did that. "Have you started boxing again?" Pete was so thankful she couldn't see the expression on his face. He wasn't sure he would be able to hide the dread he was feeling as he heard the question. "It's just some light exercise, grandma," he said and hoped his voice wasn't betraying him. "Vegas just wanted to be more active and-" "Vegas made you start boxing again?" Another mistake. Pete shouldn't have mentioned Vegas at all, he was such an idiot. He hoped Vegas would understand, when he found out. "Vegas didn't make me do anything." It wasn't a lie. It had been Pete's choice. He had made a lot of those recently. "Pete," his grandma said again, but this time, instead of angry, she sounded sad. Concerned. "If you need money, maybe you could talk to Mr. Tankhun. He could give you your old job back or find you a new one." "I won't fight," Pete yelled, feeling his blood boil at the mention of his old boss. He checked himself before continuing to speak, making sure he sounded unbothered. "Grandma, I won't do any matches. I'm simply teaching Vegas some basic moves and that's it." "Show me your face." A pause. "What?" "I need to see your face, Pete." His heart was thumping in his ears. He didn't want to be seen right now. He almost said so, before an energetic Macau entered the room and addressed him. "P'Pete, what are you making? Oh hi, grandma!" He ran over to the counter and lowered his body to see her clearly. Pete could tell she wasn't happy she lost the chance to see Pete's face, but she hid her displeasure immediately and smiled brightly at Macau, asking him how his day had been so far and if he had any plans for the rest of it. Pete internally sighed and returned to his cooking, his hand trembling as he was scraping the bottom of the pan with a little more force than necessary.

[denimbex1986]

'What happens when we bring together two of the most prestigious male actors of the moment, who have participated in series and films that are among the best of recent years, with a director with an impeccable career? Well, one of the best films that we are going to be able to see this year in theaters is born , a waste of sensitivity and emotions on the surface: Unknowns .

In Strangers we will witness a love story, the one that is born between Adam ( Andrew Scott , the priest of Fleabag and also screenwriter of the film, based on the book 'Strangers' by Taichi Yamada ) and Harry ( Paul Mescal , protagonist of the wonderful Aftersun ), both neighbors of a practically empty building. As the relationship between them strengthens, the ghosts of the past haunt Adam, who decides to return to his birthplace. To his surprise, his parents (played by Claire Foy and Jamie Bell ) are still living there, just as they were when they died , 30 years in the past.

A drama with fantastic overtones that many have hailed as one of the last great masterpieces of cinema and directed by Andrew Haigh , a British director who has such highly recommended titles as Lean on Pete (2017), 45 Years (2015) or the HBO Max TV series Looking . Below you can read a full Haigh conversation to which SensaCine has had access . In it, the director tells a little more about his new film, whose theatrical release will take place tomorrow, Friday, February 23.

This film has been an intensely personal journey for you. Now that it's coming to an end, how do you feel?

Andrew Haigh: I feel good. When the end comes, you want the end to be the end and move on to the next project. In this case, it has taken its toll on me, for better and for worse. But in a way it's what you need, because otherwise you don't really get involved. So I'm happy. I am satisfied with the result of the film.

What did you think of the book?

AH Blueprint sent me the book quite a while ago, about six years. They asked me to take a look at it and give them my opinion. I later learned that several people had tried to adapt it over the years. Apparently, many directors tried, but the project never came together. I think that's because there is a central idea in the book that is very interesting: meeting your parents again and having them be the same age as you . It's a fascinating idea.

For me, the key was to take ownership of that idea and incorporate it into the story I was trying to tell. I think anyone who's read the book would say the movie is quite different. The original story is a more traditional Japanese ghost tale. And I wouldn't dare say that this movie is exactly a ghost story. I've turned it into something else and that's what I wanted to do. I wanted it to have a life of its own and be original. I wanted people to not know for sure what was real and what wasn't , but I still wanted everything to seem real. Are they ghosts or are they not? The better question is whether that matters. And in my opinion it is unimportant and that was my intention.

I also wanted to use the story to explore parenthood and parental love , as well as the love within a relationship and how they are linked. How you learn about love from your parents. And I wanted to explore how easy it is for the world and growing up to hurt you. And talk about finding a way to close those wounds.

Not only did you shoot the movie in the place where you grew up, you literally returned to your childhood home to make it your mom (Claire Foy) and dad's (Jamie Bell) house. Plus, Adam (Andrew Scott) is a screenwriter and he's gay. To what extent is the fictional marriage autobiographical in the film?

AH It's a complicated marriage. It is not autobiographical. My parents didn't die in a car accident. That's not my story. However, there are many other personal things in this story . Many of the feelings and what is talked about are tremendously personal. It's about someone who grew up in the '80s and how that time was very different if you were gay.

That aspect is part of the story and I wanted to explore how that complicates the notion of family; how parenting is complicated by having a gay child and his parents not knowing what that child is really like. It's a complicated topic for many families, even today.

It became personal while I was writing it because I felt like I understood a lot of things. So I started imagining a story that took place in the house I grew up in. And then I thought, "why not try to shoot there?" I guess I'm a bit of a masochist, so I wanted to delve into my life a little and see what it would feel like to go back to my old house and shoot a movie that has a lot to do with me . The truth is that I don't know if it was a good idea for my mental health.

Did you have any difficulties filming at home?

AH Actually, the owner was very understanding of us and knew that we used to live there. I moved out of that place when I was about six or seven, but there had only been one other owner since then. Much of the house hadn't even been renovated since then, so it was like really stepping back in time . It was an unusual experience shooting a scene with Andrew Scott in my old bedroom. Having a version of myself in bed with parents who aren't my parents, but could be seen as a version of my parents, in his actual bedroom was very strange. It was unusual.

Did you find a sense of catharsis in writing those conversations between Adam and his parents?

AH There was definitely catharsis. I feel like for a lot of queer people those conversations were a trauma that they had to go through. It's very easy to pretend it wasn't, but for many of us it was. It was a very difficult thing, especially back in the 80s and 90s, but still today; Let's not pretend that now is perfect for everyone. I think it is very difficult not to be like your parents when you are a child ; feeling that your parents are fundamentally different from you. I wanted to explore that in the story, but also how we felt back then, when we knew we had to tell people who we were; that is still within us. We keep it inside. That doesn't suddenly go away when you come out; He always stays there and finds ways to escape.

Anyway, I don't understand the idea of ​​coming out just once . You do it every day, when you take a taxi, when you start a new job. I'm publicly gay and I realize I have to keep coming out to people all the time. And that is exhausting. That's what he wanted to talk about, about how the pain he felt at losing her parents mixed with the trauma of knowing that they never knew who he really was. I wanted to delve deeper into the connection between those two things.

How would you describe your collaboration with Andrew Scott on this project?

AH There is nothing more cathartic and liberating than sharing something difficult . That's why going to a gay club can be so shocking when you first come out. It's as if all gay people go through a more or less similar experience. It's really cathartic and liberating to talk about those experiences with someone else who has experienced them, because we spend our lives trying to pretend that we're over it and that we're all great, that everyone loves us, hooray!

I love having those conversations with people. I think Andrew really liked it too. And it's amazing how that can positively influence the project. Because it's about both Andrew and me, my partner and many people I know . I would say it's autobiographical because it talks about what a generation of people have felt instead of just being about me.

In your opinion, what role does Harry (Paul Mescal) play in the film, as someone who represents a younger generation than Adam?

AH I think the friends I have in their 20s and 30s are a different breed of people. They have had a very different experience and they make me feel like an old man they can't even understand. Our experience is very different, but we quickly realize that deep down we are more or less the same. It's true that things are different for younger people now, but you are still different in the eyes of the world and you must continue to deal with that difference.

But the most important thing is that you will always be very different from your parents on a fundamental level, and that happens with all of us regardless of our background or sexuality. So it's always difficult. I know younger people who have found it very difficult to deal with this issue and who have gotten into all kinds of situations in which they come to think that not everything is as beautiful as they paint it. There are a lot of things still happening that make it difficult. So I like that they are from a different generation in many ways, but that, despite that, they understand each other when they start talking and being honest with each other.

Your parents make your life impossible and we will continue to make life impossible for our own children . It is something that cannot be avoided. It was very important to me that the film not judge parents for the things they say or their attitudes. People act the way the world tells them to act and we are all generationally different from our parents. In a sense, Harry also represents that kind of generational difference for Adam.

On the set, it seemed like you were setting up the scenes with the actors. For example, in the restaurant sequence with Adam and his parents. It was interesting to see how the shots evolved in collaboration with the cast. How important is it to leave space for that type of collaboration?

AH I love doing that and I think it happens in most scenes and really with anything that has an emotional scope. It takes time to get to that. I don't rehearse in a traditional way. I don't like to rehearse . I just want to see what happens in front of the camera and I'm always looking for that moment that feels authentic in the film. Something that does not seem studied, but rather that it has emerged that way. Sometimes you have to overcome a lot of things to get to that moment. Sometimes it's necessary for people to cry their eyes out before we get to that. And on other occasions it happens sooner. You never know when it's going to happen, so all you hope for is to have enough time for it to happen.

When you work with actors like Andrew, Paul, Claire and Jamie, you know what will happen . And when it happens it will be beautiful and very special. You just have to create an environment that allows it to happen.

You started your career in the publishing sector and I know that you have collaborated on several occasions with Ridley Scott , who has a unique style of working. I wonder if with those collaborations you learned the language to create those moments.

AH Ridley shoots with five cameras and it's amazing to watch him work. I don't know how he manages to keep it all in his head. I couldn't stand it. But it is true that he creates an environment that allows magic to arise. You can do that with five cameras and do it quickly and surprisingly, but I look for a different way to do it which is to give the actors an emotional space that they can play with. It is very difficult. I can't stop thinking about it because there are a lot of moments when you get on set and think, I'm not sure I know what I'm doing right now. And that happens every day. Then you play the scene as it is written and you think, “But how is this going to work?”

You have to trust that if you have chosen the right people and have the right conversations with them, something will happen that will create something. I guess that's what gives me strength to keep going. I always try to find something different in acting and when I look at my films it seems to me that many of the performances I have captured have been different from what actors usually offer and I like that. When I watch this movie now, I see things in Claire, Jamie, Andrew or Paul that I haven't necessarily seen in other performances. That excites me, because I feel that a magic has occurred that makes me feel something different.

How did you begin to assemble the cast so that the different members fit together?

AH You always have an idea of ​​the type of people you want and the actors who might fit. It's complicated because you have to take into account who is available, who wants to do it, and who you would like to do. That is the harsh reality when it comes to casting. I knew it was going to be difficult to make the relationship between this older man and his younger parents believable . I needed a partner who was credible.

But when you see Claire and Andrew together, they really fit together. It may seem strange, but it works. For example, I wasn't surprised that Claire's family was Irish. And the same thing happened to me with Jamie and Andrew. You're just playing with these ideas, and apart from the fact that I've liked those two actors for a long time, there was something extraordinary about pairing them with Andrew. Furthermore, we have seen Jamie grow up in front of the cameras. We knew him as Billy Elliot , and now he plays the father of someone who, at that age, you get the feeling that he wasn't much different from Billy Elliot .

I like the background that the actors bring to the screen. You cannot eradicate the memory of other roles they have played. That's impossible. I accept it naturally. Claire burst onto our screens playing Queen Elizabeth II [in The Crown ] and here she is a mother living in a suburban neighborhood, and worried about her son. And that difference is very interesting.'

[honey-and-diamonds]

im a sucker for a good lita/kp crossover. love when all the theerapanyakuls are a supportive and happy family. love when vegas and phayu have a good father/son relationship. but. but but.

what if they didnt?

vegas (and pete!) are EXTREMELY maladjusted individuals who now have found themselves in a relationship while everything they currently know has crumbled before them. for all intents and purposes, kinn and vegas still hate each other and vegas is a fugitive, theyre all dealing with grief and loss and the machinations of korn. their “normal” isnt going to necessarily look healthy and supportive and nontoxic 100% of the time.

adding young children to the mix would throw everything into further chaos and just be THE WORST FUCKING IDEA and i for one would be FASCINATED with theerapankayuls trying to raise sons while still experiencing the ramifications of their own fathers’ interesting parenting choices. i imagine vegas would be very much in HELL NO mode when he finds out about venice/phayu. and then oscillate between complete dissociation and overcompensation because what the fuck does he know about being a good role model?

it would be interesting to me if phayu’s desire for control and discipline come from the complete lack of it growing up, from the hot/cold of unreliable parental figures who are trying their best but it’s not always enough. maybe he resents how similar he is to vegas, with his arrogance and grey morality and his need to dominate and succeed. maybe vegas resents that phayu does get to succeed and come out on top, when vegas tried all his life and never could. and he loves phayu but doesnt know how to show it, doesnt know how to navigate it when it’s all twisted up with the resentment and exhaustion he feels.

i think it would just be interesting if the theerapanyakul family remained just as messy and chaotic and not altogether Functional, even in the new generations

[venusmelody]

kinnporsche s1 impressions (with spoilers)

Ok, so, I was told to watch for hot boys, but I was finally convinced to watch by the amazing Runs in the Family video. Why didn't everyone recommend this for the TERRIBLE MESSY FAMILY?? Messy families = my catnip. The only thing it was missing was terrible mothers to match the terrible fathers, ambiguously terrible mothers being one of my favourite tropes in fiction. Holy cow the Theerapanyakun bros loving each other deep down while being estranged, resentful, strained, in a cycle of families being pitted against each other, was perfect. Add in the entire minor family drama and Gun and Korn being terrible fathers in different veins was just amazing. It could have made the entire series to me, such that the sex felt like a distraction away from it.

CONSEQUENTLY, and it's embarrassing to say, but Kim remains my secret favourite, alongside Vegas. Two psychotic serial killers, who, by virtue of position in their respective families, ended up in such different positions in the mafia hierarchy! (I've always been a card-carrying member of the fictional serial killers fan club, so no surprises there). Kim, nominally escaped from mafia life; Vegas who probably couldn't even perceive of it. I don't even understand it when Kim has, probably, the most obscure characterization of the main characters who aren't Chay, and yet!

And all of them are so terrible at relationships!! (Kinn included, for sure). It's fascinating to me that Kinn, for all his apparent warm openness towards Porsche, still keeps him at arm's length about his worries, while stomping beyond Porsche's boundaries; same with Kim and Chay, in a much more SFW way. They're both cute with underlying tension, but I think that Kim and Chay, amazingly, actually do hit the nail on the head about the issues in their relationship, whereas Kinn and Porsche have sidestepped it a LOT. Vegas's entire thing with Pete, OTOH, is that he's gone so far beyond boundaries that it's not even a question. Vegas and Porsche, OTOH, are supremely attractive for at least mutually manipulating each other while still having this theme and kinship they don't really have with others, that could probably have been the healthiest relationship in the show if things had been different.

And Vegas somehow having ended up as Pete's poor little meow meow???? His "he's terrible and yet I love him???" Man, I can't believe how into this ship I am! Second favourite part of the show aside from Theerapanyakun + Kittisawasd family woes. Vegas fights for the boundaries he has, because he doesn't have a choice about so much when it comes to his life, but to see is to be seen, to know is to be known, to cross Pete's boundaries, for him, was to have his own walls come down. He crossed Pete's boundaries so far that it became an actual existential threat to both their own self-images and sense of self, and then he and Pete both face building themselves up again. Pete's tattoo about honesty ends up being what saves the relationship, because it's the only one in the show that starts off in such a dark place, and by 25% of the way through has become about raw honesty without manipulation, and that hurts but heals. The on the nose symbolism. I kind of like that it went so fast, because what better way to portray the intensity that kind of relationship demands, but I could also have used another 10 episodes of their safehouse demands.

The theme of cycles of abusive; the sharp swerve at the end where we're never exactly sure what happened between Gun, Korn, and Namphueng, but the despair that breaking away ended up getting Namphueng trapped for longer than she knew her sons; the implications of this going back to their grandparents' or beyond; Kinn and Kim and Porchay all being sucked in at the end into this spiral; totally glorious.

I'm sad there won't be an S2, but it was also beyond perfect where it ended.

Now someone show me where that Vegas/Pete bath scenes was supposed to happen, because I never saw that scene!

[khaotungthanawat]

hello from your secret santa! 🎁 hope your start of the week has gone well! 🌞

i sooo loved to read what you had to say about beyond evil. it is so similar to why i love the show so much and keep thinking about it. the characters are all so strong, especially the leads, but all aspects of community and support and just the connection(s) between people (good or bad) are so fascinating and can be endlessly thought about, depicted, worked through etc. this show is so much about connection and love and it really all comes together with jwds, not only together as a duo but respectively as well. they are interesting and just nuanced like real people, so every matter surrounding them is interesting and complex too (and same with the side characters!) fully adored hearing your reasoning, it really shows how much you love it. ❤️‍🩹

seeing yjg and shk in a period drama together would truly be something .... now you have put a thought in my mind i can't ever let go of! this has me intrigued all the way, i would love to see them do that. 👀

for this week: from the shows you love, what are your favourite tropes or scenes? any reoccuring themes you enjoy in just one of them or across several of them? what are stand-outs and what did you think you might not have liked as much as you did?

hello again, temporary stranger! good to hear from you <333 oh my i'm so intrigued to see what you're plotting!

re: beyond evil, i'm glad you got what i was rambling about. i love literally everything about that series so sometimes it's hard to put it into words without sounding completely bonkers(not that i don't sound bonkers on a regular basis but anyway........)

right? yjg and shk would FEAST in a period drama! yjg has already done several and i know shk did at least one with 'empire of lust' (which wasn't great but my god some of his scenes really had me [redacted]). like, come on people, we have a hole in the market!

as far as tropes, i think my favorite is a good old “oh. oh.” moment. like that moment when one person looks at the other and Realizes? good shit right there. the first rain scene in beyond evil?

(gif by me)

this scene? impeccable. my marbles? GONE.

ooooookay moving on. 

the other show that i’m thinking about constantly is kinnporsche. i never thought an mafia-themed bl would grab me like it has, specifically, the character of vegas and his relationship with pete. is it healthy? oh god no. COMPELS ME THOUGH. a trope that i love with them is vegas being a violent shithead to everybody but then is emotionally KO’ed by pete. god, he’s so pathetic and it’s delicious. 

same dude literally minutes later:

(gifs by me) 

LOOK AT HIM! HE’S A MESS! EMOTIONALLY WRECKED BY PETE! 

god i love a good soggy mess of a man. so i suppose that’s another trope/theme lol

uhhhh i kinda went off the rails and i don’t know that i really answered any of your questions, but i hope this is helpful somehow? 

i hope you have a great day! <3