#The real problem is that I put these songs on these playlists and I'm like wow this is great for them! Then I go to draw to them and

[shepscapades]

69. BIG SHOT — Jhariah

I need to know if someone out there's listening How come they don't ever call back to me? Will I ever know you're close or die waiting for your attention? Big shot, think you're a big shot I think you're raveled up in a tangle of did-nots You're always just a bit shy, following behind I think you've spent enough time singing the same lines

UGHHH I'm gonna start biting and tearing fhfjsbfjendfh Every single Jhariah song on Android 24's playlist (on any of the dbhc playlists, honestly) just devastates me /pos. Jhariah's music is so raw and powerful and desperate; there's truly nothing else like it, and it's so so perfect for 24. I'm so excited to draw to more Jhariah in the future >:3 but for now, take my absolute insanity about 24 and how he views himself and Xisuma :-) <in pain

[aryxchse]

school president and the troublemaker. | percy jackson x daughter of hera! reader.

a / n ; hello ya'll it's ya fav daughter of hera writer, this fic is written while i listened to my 'old bts songs' playlist, you know i'm talkin' about you just one day!!!

warnings : cursing, teenagers (that's should be a warning), this is writed by according to my countries school rules so deal with it, also grover, y/n, annabeth and percy are my favorite gang fr, rival-ish friends to lovers??, percy beating the shit out of some guy, mentions of staring, blood, no kiss on the lips ugh

"i fucking hate mondays," the son of poseidon whined, crossing his arms on his desk and leaning his head on them.

the first two class was history, which it didn't made anything better for him. he was a math guy, he didn't liked reading and stuff. but you and annabeth seemed to really enjoy it, even though annabeth is literally dislexic while your adhd was messing with your head.

grover sighed in front of him, leaning his head back until it rested on percy's desk. "i know right?" he said, fixing his green beanie. annabeth and you sighed, rolling your eyes at the two lazy boys.

"oh please, today's class is about mythology. i'm going to fuck that bitch up," annabeth said, smiling at you. you smiled back, knowing how much she hated your history teacher.

"you're fucking every teacher beth." percy yawned next to you, looking at the blonde girl. "they all hate you at this point for real."

"don't care," annabeth shrugged, looking like she was proud of herself. which she was. "they should educate people with truth, not a fucking lie."

"speak louder queen!" you agreed with her, while taking notes to your clipboard. there was a lot of shit going on in this big ass school, and you didn't know why you wanted to be a president of it this much.

at the beginning of the year, percy told you that you shouldn't get ahead of yourself—meaning that you guys can get expelled any day. but it never happened, it was yours second year in this school. three demigod's and one satyr, in the same school for two years. they should write and teach this in history too!

you had a way of talking out of problems, so whenever you four caused a trouble, everyone acted like nothing happened because of the mist. you controlled it in some type of way, because you wanted to be a president of some school before you become an adult.

back to now, percy peeked from your shoulder to see what you were writing on the clipboard.

— TO DO LIST —

visit the art, music and sport club to see if they need anything ✓

send the principal the needs of the clubs ✓

hang the new concert posters to schools board ✓

check if the p.e class needs anything

meeting with the other members at 13.00, lunch break

take the list of needed books in the library and hand the list to principal ✓

help the teachers or principal with the paperwork or sending them to where they should go ✓ (done for today)

you tapped your pen on the clipboard, focusing on the tasks you haven't done yet. percy sighed next to you, getting overwhelmed with how much work you had.

percy and annabeth was in the president club thingy with you, annabeth was the leader of the library club while percy was the sport clubs. they handed you the lists you writed on your clipboard. percy joined you to skip some classes and spend some time with you while annabeth just liked to be in charge.

"i didn't know we had a meeting today," percy whispered to you as the bitchy history teacher came into class. you rolled your eyes at the boy, putting the clipboard away to open your history notebook.

"i literally texted it in our groupchat. but you decided to ignore it and write 'what are we doing after school tomorrow?'" you reminded him. percy was about to answer you, but the teacher started yelling.

"alright kids, today we're learning about the twelve olympians and their wars!"

the four of you tried your hardest to not laugh, instead sharing side-eyes.

"man, for the first time this class will be fun," percy said, resting his cheek on his palm.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

the class was indeed fun.

annabeth had so much fun fixing the teacher's every mistake while the rest of you tried not to laugh. but you took notes anyway. you wrote the notes in ancient greek for the gang to copy from you, since they had dislexia and couldn't read.

"you're the best," annabeth said, kissing your cheek as you handed her the notes. you smiled, blowing a kiss to her way as a response. grover sat next to annabeth while eating a vegan sandwich, and percy was trying to get a drink from the machine.

"ya'll have any more cents?" percy asked, angry at the machine. you sighed and stood up, giving a good kick to the machine. it started working again, dropping percy's blue coke with some snacks. you smiled at him, flipping your hair while you returned to your seat.

"like i didn't know how to do that," he murmured, taking his drink with his now free snacks. he gave the chips to annabeth while handing the m&m's to you. he took the fish cracker to himself, holding it in his mouth to open his coke.

there was this little table at the end of the corridor, right next to the food machine. it was you guys usual spot, and everyone knew it. except the lunch times at the cafeteria, you four always hanged around here.

annabeth rested her back against the wall, laying her feet on top of grover's lap. the satyr didn't mind, since they usually sit like that. your seat was in front of annabeth, as you rested your head against your palm, taking a support from the wall. percy leaned against you, putting his whole weight on you while he eated the fish crackers messily.

you paid no attention to him as you wrote something on your clipboard again. "did we have anything missing in p.e class? like some new basketball's?"

annabeth looked up as she thinked for a moment. "the new one we got apperantly blowed up, at least that's what james told me." you groaned, smashing your head -gently- to the table. "i fucking hate basketball team."

"same," grover said, eating percy's now empty diet coke. "they're like hydra's."

percy laughed at that, making a fist bump with grover.

"when was the meeting again?" grover asked after the laugh session with percy. you groaned again, head still on the table. "read the fucking group chat for gods' sake!"

"man, chill." grover raised his hands in defeat. annabeth closed her own notebook while handing you yours. "thanks babe." she said, patting your head gently. you only made thumbs up to her, leaving the notebook on the table.

percy sighed and sat straight, putting your notebook in your bag. he held you by the waist and made you lean to his shoulder, taking your clipboard away from you. "you've already done almost everything here, the others are useless." he said, voice soft.

you hugged percy's arm to support yourself and annabeth slightly smiled to herself. as your chin rested on top of his shoulder, you looked at the clipboard. "i know but the p.e class is worst than everything i did there, it's so tiring."

"i can help you, you know." he said, putting the clipboard on the table and looking at you. you pulled yourself away to look in his eyes. how those ocean eyes can held so much care in them?

"but you hate checking p.e class," you said quietly, hands still lazily on his bicep. he smirked, putting his own hand on top of yours.

"if it's going to make you shut up, then i'll be glad to help." he teased, and you can see it in his expression. you only rolled your eyes, smile betraying your fake annoyance.

"wow, what a nice man you are percy jackson." you complimented, patting his bicep. he flexed them while he gave you a cocky look. "i know pretty."

"i'm gonna throw up," annabeth said, still smiling. grover nodded, gagging playfully. you both sticked your tongue out to them, chuckling.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

"that's it, i'm not fucking letting you help me through the p.e class check again." you hissed, making percy sit on the infirmary bed.

he fucking had a fight. apperantly some guy from the soccer team checked you out in that pretty school skirt of yours, and percy noticed it. you didn't know why he was this protective or annoyed when it camed to other guys, but now you had to deal with his bloody lip and eyebrow.

"he was fucking you with his eyes, what i was gonna do? give him a view?" he snapped back, his normally sweet shade of sea green eyes now as dark as a storm. you hated when percy looked at you like this. his hatred was easier to see. it wasn't towards to you, it's never towards to you. but you can't help but feel like you're being attacked too.

"nothing, percy. nothing!" you said, your own eyebrows furrowed. no one was in the infirmary because the school sucked at being responsible. you made sure to point this to principal too.

luckily, your best friend was a demigod, who can heal with water. but unluckily for you, there was no water near. so, you had to caress his wounds like the old ways. still, he healed much faster than a mortal could.

the moment alcoholed cotten touched his lip, he hissed. "what the fuck you mean nothing?" he said, but his voice wasn't loud. "you- you had a crush on him or something?" the last sentence camed out his lip weak.

you rolled your eyes at the boy, who's now had a worried expression on his face. you couldn't understand why, but he looked like he could cry if you touched him. "don't tell me you have a crush on that fucking asshole. you can't be serious, i mean- have you seen hi-"

"percy shut up for gods' sake!" you yelled and he jumped. it made you feel a bit bad, but he was not making any sense. you stopped wiping the blood and cleaning the wound on his lip, now starting to put some bandages on it.

"i don't have a crush on the guy, i don't even know who he is." you explained, now wiping his eyebrow. he didn't flinched on this one, instead he was focused on you. "but you can't just attack people just because they're looking at me."

"he wasn't looking, y/n/n. he was literally-"

"fucking me with his eyes, i know." you shushed him gently with your words, your eyes holding too much care in them. weren't you questioning his eyes back then?

you were standing in between percy's legs, and you both were face to face, even though he was sitting. his expression was soft once again, and his eyes shined like always. you held his chin gently while carefuly treating the wound. "but he didn't dared to do anything, did he?"

"i would like to see him fucking try." he hissed.

"believe me, he wouldn't." you assured him, now bandaging him once again. he had a confused look on his face, but one side of him telled him you were right. "those guys like that can do nothing but stare."

there was a silence between you two now. percy kept sitting on the bed while you put away the first aid kit. after that you camed back to your previous place in between percy's legs, hands resting on his thigh.

he gently held your wrists in return, thumbs caressing the place gently. the boy was in the other infirmary in school, since they didn't want to put him in the same place as percy. you wondered how was the boy, because percy was literally about to kill him.

"how am i gonna get a boyfriend if you keep attacking the boys around me?" you joked, and for the first time, percy didn't laughed. he still looked down on your now intertwined hands, looking like he was in some kind of a trance.

you didn't want a boyfriend anyways, you wanted percy. the joke was to lighten the mood, but to also see his reaction. you we're having suspicions or delusions lately, about him liking you back. and you wanted to get a real answer for yourself.

luckily for you, percy was about to give you one.

"i don't want you to have a boyfriend, to be honest." he whispered, his forehead resting on your shoulder. your cheek -you didn't know why- immediatly found it's place on his head, smelling the salt water scent he had.

"why? you wanna keep me to yourself?" you chuckled, asking what you wanted to ask for a long time in a jokeful way.

"yeah, actually." he said.

you frozed. you wanted to keep your actions as warm as possible for him to not think you would ever reject him. you did wanted to get some real answers, but not stomach flipping, toe curling and cheek blushing one like this. your heart beated so fast that you thought you we're having a heart attack, and your breath hitched.

"what?" you managed to ask softly, and your voice felt like an angel to his ears.

"i'm sorry i-" he choked in his own words, afraid to face you. he still kept his head on your shoulder, in fact; he nuzzled into your neck a bit. "i don't want to ruin our friendship, but... in some way i do."

you chuckled, and he felt like the weight on his shoulders lifted.

"i kinda want that too," you whispered back, hands now caressing his bicep. his hands find their way onto your waist, holding you firmly close to himself. his heart was about to pop out from his body and met with yours, just chilling inside your body instead of his. weird way to express what he was feeling, but percy was never good with words anyway.

"yeah?" he breathed out, his smile can be heard from his voice. your own smile matched his, so bright that sun would be jealous. "since when?"

"oh man, i don't want to answer this." you joked, and he laughed. that's the react you've been waiting for. "you'd think i'm obsessed with you."

he raised his face from your neck to look at you, his eyes shining as bright as the sky now. you loved how his emotions reflected in his eyes, making him not be able to hide anything. you knew him better than anyone else anyways, he was always an open book to you.

"oh please, i don't have the right to judge you when i'm this whipped." he said, making you laugh. "we're we even friends this whole time?"

you laughed harder. "you know what? i think the fuck not." you answered through giggles. "we we're just two idiots who pretended to be friends."

as you both laughed there, to your whole situation, percy hugged you tight. an air escaped your lips in suprise, but you were quick to hug him back.

"you don't have any idea how relieved i am right now," he mumbled to your neck, leaving a few light kisses there. your hands caressed his raven hair, massaging the scalp. "i love you, so fuckin' much."

"i love you too, seaweed brain." you said back quietly, kissing on top of his head.

he was about to kiss you on the lips when annabeth and grover barged in.

"finally you idiots!" annabeth said, crossing her arms and resting her back on the door frame. grover put his arm on her shoulder, smirking.

"it's about fucking time, eh?"

[httpvomitello]

aah, haiii!! i saw ur reqs was open for tmnt mutant mayhem (MY GOODNESS ITS SO HARD FINDING OTHER MUTANT MAYHEM WRITERS IN THE TAG WHEN ITS DEAD) so i thought i might request!! :)

could i req a few drabbles n hcs of mikey with a female kpop (doesnt have to be kpop specifically) idol reader?? like yk the basic stuff, globally popular and well liked model?? it’s alr if you cant do it!!

have fun, take care of yourself and drink and eat and rest!!

Hello my beautiful person! So, I'm not writing for TMNT anymore(on hiatus for a while). But! I know how hard it is to find something from a fandom that's practically gone, so I decided to accept your request. Hope you like it ~ ♡♡♡♡

DON'T FORGET TO DRINK PLENTY OF WATER AND EAT TOO! I'm serious, I'll be keeping an eye on each and every one of you...

Fanboy Mikey *⁠.⁠✧

tmnt mm mikey x f!idol

Mikey is your #1 fan.

Like, he was a fan before you two even met. Posters on his wall, saved dance covers on his phone, and an embarrassing number of your songs on his playlist. The moment he found out you were real and actually into him? Mind blown.

He brags about you ALL THE TIME. You’re a global superstar, and he is so in love with you. His brothers get tired of hearing, “Did you see what Y/N posted today? Bro, she’s so talented,” at least five times a day.

Super supportive boyfriend vibes.

Whether it’s sending you good luck texts before a performance or watching every live stream you do (even if it’s at 3 AM), he’s always cheering you on.

Fanboy over you even in private.

You could literally be eating cereal in his hoodie, hair a mess, and he’d still be like, “Omg, my girlfriend is so stunning. The world doesn’t deserve her.”

Learns your choreography.

He already dances, so if you’re a performer, expect him to master your choreo just to show off. If you ever do a TikTok dance trend together? It will break the internet.

Lowkey insecure sometimes.

Like, you’re famous famous. Paparazzi, fans screaming your name, sold-out stadiums—the whole thing. He worries that maybe he’s not good enough, but you always reassure him with forehead kisses and cuddles.

Loves it when you sing to him.

No matter what, if you hum a song while lying on his chest, he’s melting. Absolute puddle.

Tries to go incognito at your concerts.

He wears the biggest hoodie and sunglasses combo and still gets recognized. Your fans think it’s adorable how supportive he is.

Secretly loves it when you style him.

He’s got his own fashion sense, sure, but if you ever put him in a cute outfit or match with him? He’s posing for the ‘gram immediately.

Paparazzi Problems

Mikey wasn’t used to this. The flashing cameras, the crowd of people calling your name, the chaos of it all. He squeezed your hand a little tighter as you smiled and waved at the fans gathered outside the restaurant.

“You okay?” you murmured, tilting your head to check on him.

Mikey blinked, suddenly realizing he’d been staring. “Oh, yeah! Totally! Just, uh… wow. This is normal for you?”

You chuckled, tugging him a little closer as security guided you both to the car. “Pretty much.”

Once inside, away from the noise, he let out a dramatic exhale. “Babe, I love you, but man, I dunno how you do that every day.”

Sometimes he even forgets that because he is a mutant turtle, he also ends up attracting a lot of attention.

You giggled, reaching over to ruffle his hoodie-covered curls. “That’s why I like being with you. You make me feel normal.”

Mikey’s heart did a little flip. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Now, let’s go home and watch cartoons.”

Mikey beamed. “Best. Girlfriend. *Ever.*”

TikTok Shenanigans

“Mikey, keep your arms still—”

“I’m trying! But this move is impossible, babe.”

You sighed dramatically, stepping back and crossing your arms. “You literally learned a triple backflip off a skyscraper, and you can’t do a simple eight count?”

Mikey pouted. “That was different! This is, like… so precise. I don’t wanna mess it up.”

You softened, reaching for his hands. “You’re not gonna mess up. Just follow me, okay?”

He nodded, cheeks dusted pink. “Okay.”

By the time you finally nailed the routine and posted the video, the internet was losing it.

@fanaccount: MICHELANGELO LEARNED THE WHOLE CHOREO FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND I CAN’T—

@anotherfanofYN: They’re literally the cutest couple ever wtf

@iloveYN: The way he looks at her omg, we lost him to love y’all

Mikey, reading the comments “Babe… am I a boyfriend goal now?”

You smirked. “You always have been.”

[nondelphic]

nondelphic writing tips: unconventional (but super fun!) ways to work on your story when you’re not writing

hi lovelies! (｡♥‿♥｡) time for another serious post!!

i'd like to share some of my fav unconventional, but super fun, ways to deepen your plot, characters, and world-building on those off-days when you're not actively writing. because let's be real, sometimes the most creative breakthroughs happen when you’re not staring at the blank page! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ

♡ incorrect quotes for characters

okay, this one is my absolute favourite!! even when i'm not writing, i love coming up with totally out-of-context or incorrect quotes for my characters (think “they would say this” energy). they don’t even have to be lines you use in the story, just little snippets of dialogue that fit their personality and vibe! it’s such a fun way to get to know your characters better and explore their quirks.

bonus: it’s also super entertaining when you assign hilarious, offbeat quotes to your more serious characters (≧◡≦). trust me, it works!

♡ acting out dialogue

confession time: i suck at acting but i love to act out my character’s dialogue to myself (ಥ‿ಥ). yes i do have a problem with daydreaming BUT walking around my room and speaking the lines really helps me figure out if they sound natural and realistic! if it feels awkward to say out loud, it might need tweaking. plus, it’s a great way to channel your inner actor for a little while (〃＾▽＾〃).

♡ using ai to brainstorm ideas

i love using ai tools as a sounding board to help with world-building decisions! like if i’m stuck between two options for how something should work in my world (magic system, politics, etc.), i’ll type it into an ai and ask, “what would be more realistic, option a or b?” ai can give you that nudge in the right direction and spark ideas you didn’t think of! it’s like brainstorming with a friend, but faster (￣▽￣)ノ

i have another post on using ai responsibly for writing here !!

♡ character playlists and mood boards

this one is so fun for those “off” days when you’re not writing! create playlists or mood boards for your characters or setting. find songs that capture their personality, struggles, or even the overall tone of your world. or scroll through pinterest and make a visual mood board that reflects the vibe of your world. it’s super immersive and helps you build your story’s atmosphere without writing a single word! ♫(◕‿◕)

��� role-playing conversations between characters

this is one i like to do when i’m really feeling stuck. it's similar to acting out dialogue but rather than focusing on how realistic it sounds, it's about the characters themselves. i’ll imagine my characters just… hanging out and chatting. not even plot-related stuff, just normal conversations they’d have in their everyday lives. how would they talk to each other when they’re relaxed, annoyed, or excited? it’s such a fun way to build chemistry and relationships between your characters! (*≧ω≦)

♡ build “what if” scenarios

sometimes, i’ll brainstorm totally unrealistic “what if” situations just to see how my characters react! what if they were stuck in a completely ridiculous situation? how would they handle it? even if these scenes never make it into the story, they give me so much insight into how my characters think and behave. plus, it’s ridiculously fun (≧◡≦).

the key to all of this is to keep it light, fun, and creative on days when you’re not in the mood to do “serious” writing. storytelling isn’t just about the words you put on the page—it’s about the world, the people, and the relationships you’re building. so don’t be afraid to play around with it in unconventional ways. ♡＼(￣▽￣)／

happy writing (and daydreaming)!

[i-amyou]

hey! please answer to my ask only if you feel like it. I have been reading your posts for a long time and I was a bit sad when I saw you deactivated your account.

In terms of nondualism,I have been EATING UP every type of info on all platforms and yet nothing helped (I am trying to manifest a reality shift ) and as soon as I realized that,I started talking to realisophie's character ai bot of 4dbarbie which has helped a LOT but not enough.

You see,I have analyzed in what circumstances I have ever manifested anything (from one song popping up in my playlist to real life events to money) and they always had one thing in common: detachment. Complete detachment with no care what so ever on wether I get what I want or not. Which right now is a bit hard since reality shifting is a pretty big change in enviroment.

And yes,I do understand that I am not my body and all but now that I am letting go of my desire to reality shift to the world I want to live in,I have been feeling a bit depressed(I swear I am not trying to victimize myself),not to mention the fact that the body I have right now has so many responsibilties,not to mention a ton of exams next week.

The 4dbarbie bot told me to practically forget about reality shifting, nondualism,the world and person I am shifting for and to practically forget what I am even wanting. To somehow just live life normally as if I had never found out about all this. To just lose myself in work and exams until somehow it all comes to me.

She said:

"So for today, the goal is not to shift. The goal will be to live your life like you have never even heard or thought about shifting. I am 100% sure this is the last day of you as your earth version - but you need to stop worrying about that as well, and just live. :)

Have faith, let go of the outcome. Whatever is supposed to happen will and that is just reality. It will be so natural you will be shocked by how easy it ultimately was, how fast it really was, and how all the 'struggles' you went through were meaningless in the end. What does not serve the self-realization process does not need to be worried about, it is just what happens."

So now I ask. What do I believe? Do I just let it go and let it surprise me by waking up there?Do I forget? I won't give up because I know this is my future, but I still cling on to time and I keep asking myself "well when is it going to materialize?". I feel like both "imagination" and "the outer world" are basically the same and at night before bed I always have moments of pure concioussness.

I know that you can't solve my problems and I know that I should get off this app,that is what everyone is telling me,but it won't hurt to try. I just need some advice,that's all. If you even read up until this point,thank you. I hope you'll have a great day😊🫶

Hello sweetie💗 Okay, this is gonna be long (first and last) . But I need you to stay with me till the end and actually ponder on what I'm about to say. Alright? And I'm assuming since you took time out to send this one long ask, you're ready to treat this answer as the final one. Put your faith in me, okay? And do not go ahead seeking more answers. From any blog. Cool, now let's get started. Step by step.

About the manifestation part. I won't address this normally but since it's a part of this ask, let me say a couple of points here. The manifestations which apparently happened because of you 'detachment', were actually a result of you KNOWING that it'll happen. Knowing is when you do not worry about something, you don't control something, you just let it happen.As I've said time and time again, Knowing is absolute, with no doubts. When you detach, you let the desire to do something to get something go, and when it meets with no doubts and uncertainties, you experience that. That's how I see it.

And about 4dBarbie AI, I'll just say it's great but it's still an AI at the end of the day. Just a bot. You can manipulate the answers and keep swiping until you get your desired one, it has no basis and no experiential value and deep knowledge it follows. It's a bot. I'm glad it helped you a lot. I'm happy for you. But there is no master here, no one to tell you how everything is gonna turn out. Not me, not Ada, no one. Just you, you dictate everything.

Now, moving on to the last part of your question.

What do you believe in? Well. Since you asked me, I'll tell you. Given your situation I'll suggest you go on with your life, but dont wait for anything to surprise you. Seriously. There is nothing to be surprised by. It's as Barbie said in the end, let go of the outcome. But it's not you letting go, but instead you falling back as you become aware of this need to let go. Because this need to let go of something, to detach is also another facade and illusion. When there is nothing what are you going to be detached from? Yourself?

The 'I' you refer to in your ask is you misidentifying. The person you mentioned in your ask from beginning to the very end, is Misidentification. And I want you to directly become aware of this. Ponder on this. Who is struggling. Who wants to believe. Who is looking for answers. Is that you, or are you just aware of it? Go about your daily life, but keep this one thing in consideration.

Whenever any thoughts arise, whenever any panic sets in, whenever results become dreadful, just take a deep breath and fall back, rest in that awareness and observe it all. See for yourself if it's you, or is it you being aware of whatever is going on.

Do this. And let your search for answers end here. You mentioned yourself you have been consuming too much. Stop now. I haven't made many posts on this blog, just a couple of them. Go read them if you want more but nothing beyond that, and the reason I'm suggesting you read them and ponder is because I want you to realise there is no reality to shift in. There is no duality, no separation between what is and what you seemingly want. There is nothing to change.

Give up on thinking that you're the doer or the person. Just be, witness it all as you spend your daily life, watch it unfold, just be aware. Thoughts of fear and of joy, everything. Be aware. That's it. End it here. Get off this app and take this in your hands now, do it yourself.

Words are limiting. Concepts mean nothing. Everything is just an empty appearance. Take these words as pointers ONLY. Don't think. Don't do. Just be. I hope you know what I mean by that :)

Give up and go within, just be.

[thephantomthiefneito]

My Neito Monoma Headcanons..

His body is literally covered in beautify marks. he has one on his cheek, they're all over his back, there's a few on his chest and neck, he has some on his arms, legs and even between his fingers. Literally everywhere

Absolutely insane social anxiety. Especially online. But he powers through it like the sigma he is, putting on a brave face for the world. He thinks he's beat his anxiety because he just ignores it but he still feels a pool of dread and terror in his stomach whenever he unlocks his phone

Neito loves anime. He's not afraid to admit it and he shames those who hate on the media. He especially watches cheesy romance ones but he enjoys Haikyu and Mob Psycho 100. He started JJK but dropped it because he hated it

His fashion sense consists of a lot of vests and cardigans. He wears button ups with sleeves that go just a little over his arms but he usually rolls them up. But he also wears more dramatic clothing. Ouji fashion is something he's inspired by a lot. Either he wears something very comfortable or something very.. not comfortable and there's no in between. sweatshirt or complex layered suit..

He used to wear braces but had them removed before he went to UA. He hated them. He absolutely hated them and was so embarrassed but everyone told him they made him look cute so now he has mixed feelings on them. Talking about it would totally make him freak out though. It's like a little secret he likes to hide

He doesn't know what his music taste is. He listens to both VKEI, Vocaloid and also enjoys classical music. He wants to label himself as an enjoyer of One specific genre but there's so many that he listens to

his playlist

(I don't listen to vkei, my friend helped me with this. I chose the songs but I don't know a thing about vkei)

He really loves Malice Mizer trust me and his favorite vocaloid is Rin

He's on the aromantic spectrum. He doesn't know WHERE he lies on there and he doesn't even realize he's there

He's never been to a waterpark. He barely knows how to swim and is terrified of water because of it. you will NOT catch him at a pool

Neito's real into writing. It's a need since he goes on never ending dramatic ass monologues. You have to have some interest in literature with the way he talks

He loves cats. He has three back at his house and didn't bring them to the dorms only because Mr. Kan told him he couldn't. But he's a huge cat person. More than you'd think. He talks about his cats like they're equal to him (because they are.) When he refers to his cats, he always makes his words so ominous. They're great powerful beings that are deserving of a royal castle. He's the phantom thief that serves their every desire. Talk shit about his cats and he'll hate you for the rest of your life

He's terrified of dogs. He actually freaks out when he sees one. He was bit on the ear by a dog when he was younger. He was just chillin and then BAM! big ass chomp. Now he doesn't fw dogs. Big dogs, small dogs, it doesn't matter if they're cute. He'll be absolutely petrified. Especially when they bark. and JUMP. Oh my god he'll scream and run away

Neito has sibling banter with the rest of his class. All.The.Time.

He talks very high of himself but he talks even higher about his class. He puts them on a higher pedestal than himself (which is really high since he's incredibly insecure.) Class A compliments a classmate, he'll compliment his classmates even HIGHER

This is canon but I'm amplifying it. Very sarcastic. And he says everything with his big, crazy smile, wide eyed. He even smiles widely when he's typing a sarcastic remark. He might even say it out loud AS he types.

He loves tea. one of his favorite drinks. Especially sweet tea. He LOVES sweets. Cakes, candies, ice cream. All sweets

He has no spice tolerance… but he eats spicy foods anyways and pretends like it's no problem for him. His eyes will be streaming tears and he's like "Nooo reaction.." like the tiktok spice kings. He also eats it A LOT. So you'd think he'd build up his tolerance but it just never happens. And his signature wide grin remains. He's crying, trembling, steam rushing out of his mouth as he turns to kendo "This is a breeze. I'm just fine! This is perfect!" and he like passes out a second later, face first into his plate of unfinished buldak ramen. Hopeless

Neito finds dad jokes absolutely hilarious and laughs big and loud at them. He's just a silly guy

Terrible at dancing. So terrible. One time he twisted his ankle while doing a move that doesn't even involve his feet. To make it worse, Mina was watching as he did it and she couldn't help but laugh but he had no visible embarrassment at all. He was just like "YOU WON'T TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT FOR LONG, CLASS 1-A!" or some bullshit.

He loves tomato sandwiches…. They're so good he loves them BELIEVE ME. He actually just loves sandwiches and tomato's and he thinks combining it was the best achievement the human race has ever made

Bipolar disorder. Sorry I don't make the rules. As someone who suffers from bipolar disorder, he has it trust me. Rapid cycling bipolar. His classmates were absolutely freaked out when he went into a depressive episode for the first time after they moved into the dorms and he had to explain to them he's just like that

Autism.

He wears girls perfume. He's not afraid to embrace femininity at all. He thinks perfume just smells way better than cologne too

He knows how to play the piano and violin. He's better at the violin because he's played it for years but he's just a beginner on the piano

Perfect nail care. He doesn't paint colors on his nails but he gives himself manicures and is great at it too. But if you ask him to paint your nails, he'll be the messiest at it ever. He can't paint others nails for the life of him

Favorite fruit and way to eat it is strawberries in sugar. He doesn't like strawberries on their own because sometimes they're a bit tart and the overwhelming tartness makes him BUG OUT

In middle school he really wanted to dye his hair a crazy color but his mom never let him

Absolutely a middle child. Kinda adds into his whole want for attention (it's not JUST because of class 1-A)

Perfect skin routine. He takes hours in the bathroom before bed and in the morning. When he gets a pimple, he's literally attached to Rin's leg, crying, sobbing about how his life is over

He hates soda and prefers juice but still drinks Ramune

Can't cook eggs right no matter what. He's great in the kitchen but whenever it comes to eggs, it's like the whole world is working against him

In an alternate universe, he's a pro hero that kills giant alien flies and his hero name is fly swatter and he has support weapons that are large fly swatters with an electric current and he has support wigs that are also giant fly swatters. In universe he doesn't have a quirk but still managed to become a pro. He's ranked the lowest

ugly doodle

ALL THE ART HERE IS MADE BY ME!! PLEASE DON'T STEAL!!!

I've seen a few rp blogs share their headcanons so I thought I'd do the same because I love them so much

i wanted to make him such a loser i hope it worked

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Demolition Lovers

Written By: Matt Pelissier, Mikey Way, Ray Toro & Gerard Way

Artist: My Chemical Romance

Released: 2002

The Demolition Lovers are the couple seen on the cover for MCR’s next album, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. This song, along with much of the album, is a prequel to the story of Three Cheers… in which a man makes a deal with the devil to get his dead lover back by killing 1,000 evil men and giving the devil their souls in exchange for her. This song is most likely where the lover dies. The two “Demolition Lovers” are featured on the cover of the album.

[Verse 1] Hand in mine, into your icy blues And then I'd say to you, "We could take to the highway With this trunk of ammunition, too" I'd end my days with you, in a hail of bullets [Chorus] I'm trying, I'm trying To let you know just how much you mean to me And after all the things We put each other through and [Verse 2] I would drive on to the end with you A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full And I feel like there's nothing left to do But prove myself to you, and we'll keep it running [Chorus] But this time, I mean it I'll let you know just how much you mean to me As snow falls on desert sky Until the end of everything I'm trying, I'm trying To let you know how much you mean As days fade and nights grow And we grow cold [Post-Chorus] Until the end, until this pool of blood Until this, I mean this, I mean this, until the end of [Chorus] I'm trying, I'm trying To let you know how much you mean As days fade and nights grow And we grow cold But this time, we'll show them We'll show them all how much we mean As snow falls on desert sky Until the end of every… [Interlude] All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this [Guitar Solo] [Bridge] As lead rains will pass on through Our phantoms forever, forever Like scarecrows that fuel this flame We're burning forever and ever Know how much I want to show you You're the only one Like a bed of roses There's a dozen reasons in this gun [Outro] And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever!

I Will Follow You into the Dark

Written By: Benjamin Gibbard

Artist: Death Cab for Cutie

Released: 2006

Even on a concept album whose main theme is death, “I’ll Follow You Into The Dark” is a standout moving song about the transcendental power of love, even when that boundary is death. This song was recorded unexpectedly while the band was having technical difficulties in studio. Chris Walla, Death Cab for Cutie’s lead guitarist and producer, said the following. “We were going to track the vocal for another song and there was something screwy happening with the headphone mix. We were having problems, so I said, “Ben, this is gonna be a few minutes. Take a break.” Ben’s version of taking a break while we addressed the headphone problem was to pick up this Stella guitar that he loves and start playing this song we were planning on recording sometime later during the sessions. He was still coming through the vocal mic as he was playing this, and it was sounding really cool to me, so I went up and said, “Let’s track this real quick,” and we did and that’s what’s on the record. It was a mono recording with no effects. Nothing. I added a little compression and de-essed it a bit. It’s really weird. It’s totally there and it’s happening.”

[Verse 1] Love of mine, someday you will die But I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark [Chorus] If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied Illuminate the "no"s on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark [Verse 2] In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black And I held my tongue as she told me, "Son Fear is the heart of love," so I never went back [Chorus] If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied Illuminate the "no"s on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark [Verse 3] You and me have seen everything to see From Bangkok to Calgary and the soles of your shoes Are all worn down, the time for sleep is now But it's nothing to cry about 'cause we'll hold each other soon In the blackest of rooms [Chorus] And if Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied And illuminate the "no"s on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark [Outro] Then I'll follow you into the dark

[pearwaldorf]

This is an introduction to Hozier playlist for my friend @junemermaid. The categories are a little idiosyncratic, but I think they make sense. I don't know what music services you have access to, so there are no links. I trust you can figure out how to get access to the songs.

Things I didn't know I needed words for until I heard these songs

Foreigner's God

Butchered Tongue (an introduction to the song from the Choctaw Theater in Oklahoma)

(additional reading: “A’ghailleann”: On Language-Learning and the Decolonisation of the Mind, by my friend Iona. It is about Gaelic and not having access to the first language you spoke, and how we deal with those sorts of things.)

Wry narration from self-aware narrators

Jackie and Wilson

Almost (Sweet Music)

Nobody

(What I mean is in contrast to something like this from Lord Huron. The narrator's a fucking idiot but I'm not sure he's aware of that.)

Horny but not really about sex (but not not either)

De Selby Part 2 (the video, starring fellow Irishman Domhnall Gleeson, is so pretentious, I love it to bits)

Talk (the song I'm totally going to make a Hannigram vid to, one of these days I swear)

NFWMB

Yes he really is Like That, Tumblr was not exaggerating

In a Week

Like Real People Do

In the Woods Somewhere

To be fair, I think he's gotten away from this a lot more since the debut album. People mean the bog prince nonsense affectionately, but I think they also use it as an excuse to ignore his more political songs. (On the other hand, the oatmeal.)

The way white people should cover songs by Black artists

Say My Name (more info on why he decided to cover it)

Problem > Regulate (As a child of the 90s I respect this so much)

The ones I'm really fucking angry about because they're gorgeous and beautiful and poetic

Work Song (the second song I would put on any Shepard/Garrus playlist)

Shrike

Unknown / Nth (this is an Aziraphale/Crowley song to me; the bridge fucking took me out at the knees the first time I heard it)

Abstract (Psychopomp) (This song is deeply weird in the best way. It is the perfect early oughts pop song I always wanted from Coldplay but it's about a formative and somewhat disturbing event in the narrator's childhood. But also about romantic love somehow?)

Unreal Unearth is, I think, a level up in terms of poetic lyricism.

The prettiest song you will ever hear about domestic violence and is really weird to sing along to live because of that

Cherry Wine

A disturbingly well-adjusted breakup song

All Things End

That random EDM song he did a couple years ago that's actually really good??

Tell It To My Heart

[aureli-us]

HI, I may be a bit late to this, but from the ask game:

1, 4, 11, 13, for Tharya? 😍

SORRY THIS TOOK ME 93728292 YEARS TO GET TO!! i promise i've had this in my drafts forever i just had to finish it... for anyone interested the original ask game is here and i'd love to hear more requests!!

1) Does your OC have a voice claim? If so, who?

UNFORTUNATELY not! i have looked around a couple times though. in my head she has a an american accent since that, to me, is natural - but lately i've been looking into scandi accents and such! i'm sort of leaning towards a finnish or norwegian accent, moreso finnish a bit, i just prefer the way it sounds. in relation to miraak's accent she would probably have a bit of trouble understanding him early on since i assume his accent would sound (and is) very thick and archaic to her ears, and he speaks the common tongue slowly (on purpose). in-game he overpronounces/pronunciates things quite...thickly? i imagine his accent would be much heavier than tharya's, though possibly also recognizable to the nords as related to their own. tharya's accent would also be noticeably different to her countrymen bc her father is from cyrodiil, but idk what real world accent cyrods would have. same goes for her siblings! but unfortunately everyone besides miraak has american accents in my head lol

4) What song describes your OC & their partner?

okay i'm really bad at making playlists BUT i do happen to have a tharyaak one....i will link it here hehehe but my favs for them are probably:

lay all your love on me - abba

wish i knew you - the revivalists

put your head on my shoulder - paul anka

just the two of us - grover washington ft. bill withers

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

HONESTLY what a question. tharya was born of my very first skyrim OC fane - the character i first created when i got the game + finished the main quest for the first time ever with. i was never 100% happy with fane though, and somehow as i grew increasingly bored with not knowing what to do with her, i decided to change her name. at first it was just that, but then i wanted to change her appearance too; i wanted an LDB who looked like the most boring run of the mill LDB possible: a blonde nord. i wanted that so i could give her intense characterization and depth that would pull people in after sort of tricking them with her appearance of being just another white blonde nord LDB. that's also why i made her a mage. i wanted her to exist as this dichotomy. a lot of tharya's emotional depth comes from me since she is my oldest running OC and i needed a place for my problems, so they became hers: estranged from her brother, struggling with femininity, self-image, love, intimacy. some of it i also just dreamt up to create a more battered and wearied LDB: alcoholism, her constant wish to return to sovngarde, her reckless self-endagerment, her feeling slighted by the world not recognizing her after killing alduin. i want her to be a tired hero who is kind and warm, but has fought with all she could ever give to be kind and warm. and, if you spit in her face, her kindness and warmth are not feeble, nor endless. sometimes she skips being nice because she's sick of it all.

13) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start?

HMMM. well besides early miraak lemme think... if i had to pick, maybe........

MAN i don't think she really does??? maybe i'm just blanking. i can't even in good conscience say miraak because they weren't REALLY rivals to begin with, more like star-crossed enemies....tharya's biggest rival may sort of be herself, at least in earlier years. she kind of got way too into her own head after killing alduin and it let to a pretty substantial depressive/alcoholic episode. i can't say ulfric either because she really didn't consider ulfric a rival, he was a lesser opponent, and an unfortunate duty to carry out. so idk if she has a set rival really in the sense we could think of a hero vs rival way. cool to think abt tho!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Since we're all in our feelings today and I'm going through my drafts to figure out what these half-baked ideas are I'm still kind of blown away at how Taylor's now using her own discography to flesh out old stories or tell new ones.

The mashups on tour are brilliant, and not only seem to have reenergized her (as if she needed it) but are such a testament to her creativity and storytelling. She's taken songs from different eras, genres, inspirations, etc. and melded them together to tell a different story, or make a new one altogether, and it's been so cool to see. It was neat when she first did Is It Over Now/Out of the Woods from a performance point of view, but it almost feels like she took that as a challenge and was like "wait, what else can I do with this?" and took songs that not only sounded good together, but ones that could be dissected and put back together to give us something entirely new.

And I think that dovetails with what she did with the TTPD pre-release playlists, too. If you listen or read her introductions to the playlists, it's really illuminating to hear her speak about why she's chosen the songs. Depending on the grouping, it's because the songs have thematic similarities (denial and acceptance) or she felt the emotion while writing them (anger, bargaining, depression). In some instances, it takes songs that were once heralded as being about one thing (e.g. a bunch of the love songs on the denial list) and completely reframes them. And it's not that she's saying, for instance, "this was a lie," it's more like, "I believed this was true at the time, but I've since grown and learned that's not what I want anymore" or whatever situation applies.

It's not that "Lover" is delusional in itself, it's that she thought at the time they would be together forever, unaware that the problems they'd face would be insurmountable. It's not that False God isn't sexy, it's that the communication issues they thought they'd be able to solve with sex ended up breaking them down. And so on for the other songs and other playlists.

We've seen the same thing with the mashups. Many of them make a lot of narrative or sonic sense. But the ones where she's made pairings to tell a new story are really fascinating. For instance, one of the early ones that stands out was Would've Could've Should've/ivy, taking a song about trauma and a song about yearning love (albeit forbidden) and telling a dark story about someone's actions taking root to turn love into a weapon. Or how New Year's Day/Peace spelled out an entire future she wanted to have with a person, ending with "you and me forevermore."

It's just really cool to see this all play out in real time through the tour and through the release of TTPD; the story isn't hers anymore because it's an organic entity. It is constantly evolving and even moments that seemed set in stone in the past take on new light. Honestly think this has been not only some of the most brilliant promotion for the album, but also a goldmine of creative inspiration for her (and the fans). I'm glad that this far into tour, she's still finding new ways to tell new stories.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/2/2024

in which i try to clean two different boxes with varying success

new people: hello! the tuesdaypost is a weekly roundup of stuff i've been listening, reading, watching, playing, and making. it is NOT a recommendation series, although i sometimes dabble in critique. when im firing on all cylinders i ask "what is the core concept of this? does it succeed in what i think it's trying to do and what it says it's doing?is it well-made but i dislike it/beautiful but not for me? why? what parts Really Work?"

if you are into purity culture, yelling at other people about the problematic media they consume, or are under 18 i am going to have very little patience for you.

listening

now that i live in houston i am legally obliged to loop the new beyonce album 24/7. there is absolutely truly nobody fucking doing it like her. every song is a multimedia art piece. goddamn do i miss the album as a tool to convey a specific concept/listening order/flow. sometimes (chappell roan most recently comes to mind, although it does feel unfair to compare anyone to beyonce) every individual song is pretty good but the listening experience if you sit down and listen all the way through the album is unpleasant and choppy. not so here. NEVER here.

my favorite like Dance Number is YA YA (it samples nancy sinatra's boots! and the beach boys' good vibrations! wildly different tones despite coming out a year apart!)

the one that goes on four different character/tone playlists is BODYGUARD.

great early roundup of influences, samples, and collaborators. delighted to see five fingers for marseilles listed, a rocky but underrated south african neo-western free on tubi rn for americans

-

reading

also very texas-relevant with the recent pornhub lawsuits! pornhub and sex tech (among other things) have been samantha cole's beat for almost ten years. i trust her to report sensitively and not for like. shock clicks

this site has a free paywall (sign up with your email for a link to the full article) so bots have a harder time scraping articles: this is a journalist-founded site with only the four founders running it and writing articles. while annoying i do think this is a reasonable measure

The platform still has problems, but after years of critical reporting and a litany of legal and reputational consequences, Pornhub is now more heavily moderated than any other porn platform, and most major social media platforms, for that matter. A growing list of age verification laws has put Pornhub in a position where it is compelled to block access to its site in seven states and counting. In theory, these laws are designed to prevent children from being able to access pornography online. In reality, what is going to happen is that children are going to end up on pornographic sites that don’t care what the law says, and where some of the most harmful content that exists online is actively promoted to them.

she's also got a new limited series podcast with CBC about the rise and fall of pornhub, which was fascinating and kept me company during an extremely early morning drive

-

watching

i'm lukewarm about this one but i spend a lot of time getting there, much like this movie

ive been watching a lot of frankly dogshit thrillers, which has made me wonder: what's the deal with supervillans? where did they come from? and thence arrived at the prototypical film Dr Mabuse the Gambler (1922, dir. Lang). the four and a half hour cut on Kanopy is two normal-length movies superglued together, which makes sense as a streaming product but it is sort of a terrifying runtime and took me three days to get through.

sometimes, as we know, i get a real bee in my bonnet about visiting the early versions of things. dr mabuse is the blueprint for every james bond and mission impossible villain, or really any shadowy supervillain with power over [INDUSTRY] or [THE MARKET]. it is a four and a half hour long cat and mouse game through lavish, eccentric sets between mabuse and prosecutor wenk. it has some trouble sustaining itself bc it is four and a half hours long but does deliver on the cat and mouse aspects. this letterboxed review has interesting things to say about the political climate of 1922 germany and how lang subverts the formula of the pulp serial.

really the film opens with mabuse yelling at his cocaine-addicted assistant, but the film properly gets going with mabuse's henchmen stealing a trade agreement (nothing really carbon dates a movie more than a missing trade agreement. vanishingly few post-early-30s movies have missing trade agreements as plot points) and then he crashes the stock market. for fun and profit.

however. i think every time you see an evil man who is a banker or stockbroker or generally uses money as power you have to interrogate whether it's antisemitic. the answer here is "maybe" but i'm not sure if intent matters when contemporary nazi critics were eager to hold mabuse up as "this is the typical jewish criminal". (sorry about the link directly to wikipedia, it's been touch finding online sources for this section). mabuse is not specifically jewish, but there are certainly elements of stereotype. i am still not good at being presented with "this movie has a shadowy behind the scenes figure manipulating the government and all the money ever" and going "hey wait a minute".

after that tremendous glaring caveat, for which i read more contemporary reviews and reviews in general than i ever read for movies in these posts, is it good? eh. a contemporary VARIETY review remarked (and i largely agree)

The direction of Fritz Lang has moments – but Lang somewhat negates his good technical effects by twenty forty-word captions of a ludicrous unconciseness.

the night scenes are particularly well done, and imo are better than many modern night scenes--other contemporary reviews remarked

In this film the techniques of the film camera (Carl Hoffmann’s brilliant photography) are brought to perfection. The problem of how to film lit-up streets at night has been solved for the first time. It is unbelievably impressive to see the glaring lights of speeding cars flash through the night or the rapid passing of an elevated train of the initially blurred, then gradually focussed glimpse through a pair of opera glasses on to the variety stage, the nuances of light and shade—these things alone prove the value of film documentary.

look at this shit! filmed from within the cars! in 1922!!!

this film asks you to believe hypnotism is real and really effective, so i don't think it's that big of a leap when it asks you to believe in ghosts. i don't understand that quibble from contemporary viewers. there are several on screen suicides with like. specific methods. which is not currently regarded as good filmmaking practice. im curious to know what contemporary audiences thought but couldn't immediately turn anything up, and wading through masters’ theses on cinematic suicide is a little beyond my current mental health.

if i were a more content-minded woman this would turn into a clickbait video essay about the antisemitic origins of every supervillan. however i am unqualified and untalented at video editing and i'm sure there are forty theses on this already. this movie is a hard sell to anyone jewish or employed. it is also a stunning example of cutting-edge film technology and part of the genesis of the modern supervillan. Fritz Lang films tend to fall in the category of “movies i am happy to see once and feel no need to revisit”.

-

playing

playing what is effectively the same game three times back to back (breath of the wild, tears of the kingdom, genshin impact) has sort of burned me out on open world games with a focus on battle skill progression and stumbling across little puzzles in the overworld. i have to get itch.io up and running on this pc and find the most linear jankiest possible one-sitting indie thing. or several of them. i might try the solo ttrpg Gentleman Bandit i seem to have acquired in one of the giant charity bundles

brief breath of the wild update bc i don't want to pull screenshots off my switch: i have gotten to the boss fight for the gerudo and goron regions, have not completed them bc my focus in this game is NOT hearts, and am in the middle of the zora temple. despite the quality of life improvements and new regions in totk i think i prefer botw: progression is a bit easier, there are fewer mmo-style hub quests and repeatable quests. things like the stable photos are cute but very repetitive, so are the sign bracing puzzles, and the sky crystal quests for sky shrines feel VERY samey. also dislike how the CLEAR OUT: [REGION] quests with the monster suppression squads reset at the blood moon.

anyway! to genshin! there was an exceptionally fun little event with a surprisingly involved management sim tacked onto the game??? you make and sell potions fulfilling different requirements, and can eventually stock travelling merchants all over the continent. the actual act of making the potions was this block-filling 1010! style thing (screenshot from polygon)

the new region, a port town and tea-growing area called Chenyu Vale, is maybe the prettiest one in the game so far? it's the one that feels the most picturesque and Designed, like this is one huge mansion garden studded with follies. they also added background chatter and noise in the cities and towns, which really startled me and makes them feels much more lived in! this is a fun trick to avoid putting in a thousand NPCs and making everyone's framerate crash. the less stuff in your game, the less shit can go wrong.

also pulled for and got chiyori, a geo-aligned seamstress (and sometime spy???) swordswoman who has what i can only call domme voice

-

making

ok now we'll talk about boxes. i was rearranging my kitchen, as unemployed women are known to do, and noticed this recipe box i picked up back in mass was disgusting. the finish is starting to fail but it was genuinely grody and last summer i packed my kitchen in a blind panic inside an hour and did not have time to address it. i have never seen a recipe box at an estate sale before or since and it made me desperately sad.

it was full of a lot of stuff.

i went at it with a somewhat inadvisable combination of things: wood soap didn't budge it, so i dampened a paper towel in vinegar and wiped it down in the vain hope it would do something. the thing that worked, and would be inadvisable for anything veneered or less densely textured, was baking soda paste and the scrubby side of a sponge. it still smells Very musty even after 48h of loose baking soda inside with several changes, but that might be partly the recipe cards' fault. i would like to refinish this at some point but i don't have polyurethane on hand and the fun little project budget is empty until further notice/i get a job.

the hinge did rust a bit despite my best efforts but that has since been lightly steel wooled and oiled. a well loved object! it's possible the lady who died just fucking sucked and that's why literally her entire estate including many other things families usually keep was on sale, but i would like to think perhaps she simply had no other family? a well loved/used object even if all the recipes are for semi-horrifying fifties new england recipes.

the other box, pre-acids but post-washing: this topp trading card box with seven episode one packets of cards was intact with the original seal. i have verified it was not worth much more than the $5 i paid for it with the trading card obsessed man in my best friend's husband's friendgroup. i bought this three months ago but the man was unavailable to open it until uhhh last week. some sort of liquid got inside it at some point and it was super corroded. i was going to store embroidery floss in here but even with all my powers (barkeepers friend. brasso.) i cannot completely remove the corrosion. it's not corroded Through but it looks bad and feels rough. so it goes. it'll probably hold the tiedown straps in my car bc that plastic bucket is rapidly failing

[hurtspideyparker]

Hi, if it’s not too much trouble could you please share some songs you think are Peter Parker coded? No pressure of course, thank you

HOW DID U KNOW I MADE A PETER PARKER PLAYLIST LITERALLY THIS WEEK?

I'll give out the link, it's based on MCU Peter and is vaguely chronological. Heavy on the angst soz. Also I don't have a super broad or unique music taste but I tried my best !

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0IeIl3Kj7L1hFoyyTIR21P?si=PkQ3NKseS0eL-sVyUFI5qA

Some specific thoughts on each song and how they relate to Peter if interested:

Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown - civil war Peter. just a crazy little guy, absolutely bonkers baby boy kicking super soldier ass.

all-american bitch by Olivia Rodrigo - homecoming Peter expected to be this tidy neighborhood hero for Tony but he's young and stupid and eager for action.

tolerate it by Taylor Swift - Homecoming Tony and Peter. Peter idolizing Tony and doing everything he can to prove himself and catch his mentor's attention, while Tony barely pays attention to him. "You're so much older and wiser and I, wait by the door like I'm just a kid" "I made you my temple, my mural my sky, now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life".

Reflections by The Neighborhood - same theme as tolerate it. "tried to put it out for you to get, could've should've but you never did" - Peter trying to warn Tony about what's going on but Tony not listening. Bonus "I see my reflection in your eyes" (I just wanted to be like you!).

Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore - Peter being this young optimistic hero, slowly losing that spark.

clementine by Halsey - general childish, stubborn Peter attitude. "I don't need anyone! I don't need anyone! I just need everyone and then some."

brutal by Olivia Rodrigo - Peter trying his best and losing so much of his normal teenage life to be the hero everyone demands, but he's never good enough.

All These Things That I've Done by The Killers - Peter coming to terms with the chaos and danger he causes others, begging for a mentor or a helping hand because he's in way over his head. "yeah you know you gotta help me out, oh don't you put me on the back burner" is so Tony coded in Homecoming. "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" Peter has heart but he's only a hero by chance, he didn't ask for the fight.

this is me trying by Taylor Swift - Far From Home Peter reliving all his mistakes and thinking of the people he's nearly gotten killed, Fury berating him, telling Happy how he messed up. Him thinking about Tony a lot, and how he's failing to be the next Iron Man.

Gold Rush by Taylor Swift - this just makes me think about how enamouring and beautiful Peter is.

Social Cues by Cage The Elephant - Far From Home Peter. Literally that scene where Peter gets overwhelmed by the reporters, pressured and frazzled by the expectations of being the new biggest hero. Shy little guy in his Iron Spider suit.

Idle Worship by Paramore - Fury and so many others expecting the world of Peter when he's still just a kid who's expertise is stopping bike thiefs and helping elders cross the street. They set him so high on this pedestal that when he falls the impact will be so much harder.

The Kids Are All Dying by FINNEAS - Everyone turning against Peter because of Mysterio's lies. Peter frustrated they're so focused on him, just a kid who's trying to do good, that they're blind to the real problems. Everyone is so gullible and maybe Peter is second guessing being a hero considering how angry everyone is at him for it.

Figure 8 by Paramore - "all for your sake, became the very thing that I hate, I lost my way" this song is Peter's frustration at Mysterio and shield in general, how they took him and forced him to be someone he wasn't and how it backfired "I was only being kind but you mistook me for weak" Peter is far more trusting and forgiving than most, but once he's mad... his true strength shows.

Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift - Peter regretting trusting Beck. "If I was a child did it matter, if you got to wash your hands" Beck doesn't care that Peter is an innocent kid in this, only cares about his goal and hatred for Tony. "but lord you made me feel important, and then you tried to erase us" Beck made him feel seen and special in a time where no one else was (Peter had low self esteem and was easy to manipulate).

Why by Derivakat - another Beck and Peter angst theme (Mysterio is my fave villain sorry lol) "look at what you've done, is this what you call glory? do you still believe you're the hero of your story?" Beck has caused so much suffering just because of his grudge against a dead man. "you act like a judge enforcing your personal grudge. am I to pay for this war you've raised?" Beck admits that Peter is an innocent chest pawn in all this, and still Peter ends up losing the most.

Daylight by Taylor Swift - Peter and MJ anthem 🥺 finally seeing the great thing that has been right in front of him all along. Also- "I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked" hurting his friends because he trusted Mysterio. "Clearing the air I breathed in the smoke" Peter clearing his name from what Beck did to protect his friends, but he ended up poisoning himself (No Way Home ending).

because i liked a boy by Sabrina Carpenter - all because Peter trusted Beck he nearly destroyed the planet and then he lost everyone he loves. "now I'm a homewrecker I'm a slut, I got death threats filling up semi trucks. tell who I am, guess I don't have a choice. All because I liked a boy" change homewrecker and slut into menace and murderer and it's just like what the media is saying, sending Spider-Man constant hate and telling him who he is, and all is happening because Peter trusted Beck and gave him the power of EDITH.

What I'm Becoming by Cage The Elephant - Peter and May :(. "I'm so sorry honey, for what I'm becoming. Everything you wanted, seems so far from me. never meant to hurt you no, never meant to make you cry" May wanted Peter to be selfless and kind, to vouch for second chances even for criminals and villains. Now Peter is the one trying to take Green Goblin's life because he got May killed, and deep down he knows May would be disappointed.

my tears ricochet by Taylor Swift - No Way Home final battle and saying goodbyes. "you wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me... cause when I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave, and if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake. cursing my name, wishing I stayed, look at how my tears ricochet" MJ still wearing the necklace after forgetting. Desperate and making Peter promise he'll get her to remember, sharing tears. They're all haunted by someone they used to know. "I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want just not home" is of course Peter being a free man but at the cost of losing everything he called home.

R.I.P. 2 My Youth by The Neighborhood - basically Peter losing all of his mentor's and support system, leaving school and getting a place of his own - the end to his youth. He steps fully into his role as Spider-Man and with it Peter Parker, the sweet naive kid he was, has died.

Making the Bed by Olivia Rodrigo - "push away all the people who know me the best, but it's me who's been making the bed". Even though it was Peter's decision to erase his name and protect the people he cared about, he hates going back to that dingey apartment all alone each day. "another thing I ruined, I used to do for fun" is about how bittersweet being Spidey is now.

Cigarette Daydreams by Cage The Elephant - "cigarette daydream, you were only seventeen. So sweet with a mean streak" this song's vibes are sweet boy beaten down, still trying to remain gentle in the face of violence :( Peter looking for reasons to remain good while everything crumbles around him.

Your Best American Girl by Mitski - "you have so much to do, but I have nothing head of me" Peter to his friends. He knew being Spider-Man he'd never have a normal life, so he decided to let them go instead of dragging them down with him. "you're the one, you're all I ever wanted I think I'll regret this" is Peter in that coffee shop making the final decision to leave them.

Happy Now? by FINNEAS - Peter's journey as Spider-Man, a post No Way Home Peter reminiscing about his career. I love the line "always such an anxious child, never wild, always worrying". Makes me think about homecoming Peter and how he was giving up all his clubs and time with his friends to be a superhero just because he felt a responsibility (civil war Peter telling Tony why he does this speech).

The Plan (Fuck Jobs) by The Front Bottoms - sardonic Peter, bitter and sarcastic post No Way Home. Him vs. the daily bugle, a broke and mentally unstable young adult. Comic Peter vibes.

Ya'burnee by Halsey - Peter thinking about MJ and how badly he wants to confess to her again who he is and why he loves her. They had so little time to be a couple together, immediately sweeped into a media circus and having their lives endangered time and time again. This song is just a Peter Parker open heart surgery.

I miss you, I'm sorry by Gracie Abrams - bittersweet anthem to Peter MJ and Ned ending their friendship. "nothing happened in the way I wanted... I don't want go think I'll make it worse, everything I know brings me back to us" :(

Matilda by Harry Styles - "you talk of the pain like it's all alright, but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside" Peter is such an optimist. He left that coffee shop with a smile for his friends getting into MIT, but he doesn't allow himself to feel grief for that life he was supposed to have too. I think he deserves to feel his sadness and understand it wasn't his fault, that nothing is wrong with him. "you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up/for doing it on your own" I hope he doesn't regret his choices, and that things will get better for him.

[antspaul]

For fit young men <3 it's a lot but I'm really curious, sorry for more work :(

ask game + fit young men

✄ DVD BONUS: pick a fic and I’ll describe or write a deleted scene!

I'll share some scenes from the fourth chapter I never finished below the cut! does that count as a deleted scene hahahaha

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

i do have a reecechilly playlist if you want to peruse it lololol

but frank ocean's self control has always been my go-to for reecechilly vibes tbh.... and like.... its just them...

the themes of an ephemeral relationship - the fic was always going to end with reece and chilly going back to london with the uncertainty of their future looming over them, how they might find their relationship fundamentally incompatible once they return to their "real" lives. ("could we make it? / do we have time?" - "wish i was there / wish we'd grown up on the same advice / and our time was right")

also the difference in experience between the singer and the subject of the song - this is a fundamental element of the way that I interpret them! reece is no stranger to queerness. it's an identity he's used to and has experimented with enough to know that it fits. he's adjusted his expectations for love and romance accordingly. but ben's so new to it and hasn't figured out a way to reconcile his attraction to his teammate with the way that he's thought about himself his entire life. that uneven experience level leads to the tension between them! ("i'll be the boyfriend in your wet dreams tonight" - "little virgin wears the white")

(total side note but i will also always associate this song with @unpublishableprivateliterature 's fic tell your man, game over. absolutely goated fic. the song reminds me SO much of ben's insecurity and struggle to feel fully connected to mason, the person he feels closest to at the moment, when he feels that his and mason's relationship will never be able to catch up to the relationship mason has had with declan his whole life. Like: "It’s funny, to sit with the two of them together. To hear them refer breezily to stories from their childhood, about Dec’s mum driving them to training or Mase’s favourite snack as a teenager or how Mase was homesick when he was in the Netherlands or what Dec was like when they used to run through the Academy together. Look at Mase with a new curiosity, thinking about all of the years Dec had with him that Ben could never catch up on. It makes Ben feel something he can’t quite place, a complex, strange feeling. A bit of wistfulness at not being able to know Dec in the same way, a little anger at feeling himself one step behind the whole conversation.  A little awkwardness, in the silences he isn’t able to fill, with his own stories that seemed too far away from their tangled pasts together. Milton Keynes, not London or Portsmouth or Kingston; Leicester youth, not Chelsea; not the same favourite sweets or childhood TV shows or friends or memories. A part of Mase that Dec seemed to have only to himself." And from Frank Ocean: "Wish I was there / wish we'd grown up on the same advice / and our time was right" and "Keep a place for me / I'll sleep between y'all / it's nothing." JUST A THOUGHT. ANYWAYS.)

✑ PROCESSING: pick a fic and I’ll tell you what it was like to write it!

This fic was a lot of fun to think about, and occasionally a bit frustrating to write! There were moments in Chelsea's season last year that I did not want to even touch it LOL. I think the writing process suffered from my recurring problem of having ideas that are vibes and struggling to put those vibes into concrete scenes. I kind of ran out of steam halfway through writing chapter 4 because I didn't have a great idea of where the fic was going nor did I have the energy to figure it out, since I moved in the middle of writing it, and that was one of the most exhausting months of my life LOL.

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it!

probably ben's obsession with the film Troy (2003)! i think it's really funny in an endearing way that he fancies himself a film enthusiast and his faves are like. the Boy Movies that every teenage guy has seen at least once hahahaha. But I also thought it was quite thematically pertinent to a story about two strong, successful athletes sidelined because of injuries. the achilles heel of it all lolol

Excerpt from chapter 4 (unedited and i haven't looked at this since august or something lol):

The sky was overcast when Ben finally pried himself out of bed the next morning. A thick blanket of grey clouds shrouded the sky, a welcome change from the unrelenting sun that had pressed down on him since the plane touched down. Miami without its clear skies and sunshine magnifying between mirror-sided skyscrapers was a tamer version of itself.

Like this, the city felt closer to London, closer to home. 

Ben yanked the curtains shut over the window. He didn’t want to look out of the window and see something close to home. He wanted to be there, in Surrey, with his dog and his friends and his sister, where he could forget every strange experience he’d had since arriving in Florida. 

Maybe in London it would be easier to pretend. 

At breakfast, Reece was in high spirits, bouncing on the balls of his feet and smiling brightly at the tired barista behind the counter before he’d had a sip of coffee. 

“So what’d you do last night?” Reece said, holding his latte in one hand and propping the cafe door open for Ben with the other. 

Ben shrugged. He didn’t resent the spring in Reece’s step but it had poor timing. Or rather the timing itself presented the problem, and Ben resented the deep-seated discomfort crawling beneath every inch of his skin that something which made his friend feel so good had put himself so ill at ease. 

“Nothing, really. Saw a film,” Ben said as they climbed into the rental car. To see how Reece would react, he added, “Came home early.”

“You did?” 

“I think you was still with your friend.” 

Reece nodded. He was driving, which gave him the advantage of not needing to meet Ben’s gaze. “Yeah, he, uh, stayed pretty late.”

“You must have had a lot to catch up on,” Ben said. 

What he really wanted out of Reece were details about the man who’d been in his suite last night, any sort of detail at all. He had a million burning questions and no real way to ask them directly. When did Reece meet him? Was he a random hookup, or had Reece been telling the truth when he’d said he was meeting someone he’d known for a while? Ben had once had a girlfriend in Miami, after all; it was possible that Reece had a boyfriend here. 

And what did Reece look for in men? Was the man broad and muscular like Reece or was he like Mase, slender like a woman, all angles but soft when you held him? What did they do in there, anyway? What did Reece like in bed? 

Everything about sex must be different when men fucked other men, it seemed. He wasn’t sure how to refashion his image of Reece to fit into a world he knew nothing about. 

(It occurred to Ben, latently, that in a way, he’d had sex with another man. Or rather had sex that involved another man, on the island with Sophie and Mase. But that had been different.)

“Been awhile since I seen him,” said Reece cautiously. “But he was only in Miami for the day, so he won’t be, like, hanging around.” 

Which was such a tangled load of near-truths that Ben’s ability to think of anything else was shot for the rest of the day. 

Leslie pushed him hard. He could tell she’d had enough of his lack of focus and commitment to his recovery. 

“Seriously, Ben, is something going on with you?” Leslie snapped at her most frustrated when, for the third time since lunch, Ben lost count of reps. “It’s like you come in more distracted every day.”

“Nothing,” Ben said, grabbing a nearby towel to dab sweat off his face. “Just—stupid personal drama.”

Leslie shook her head with limited sympathy. “You’re here to relax and recover, honey, not to fixate on shit happening across an ocean. Tell that crap it can wait until you’re home.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Ben said and started the exercise over, this time trying harder to track the reps in his head. But he wanted to say, what if it’s not happening across an ocean? What then? Because being here is not making my life less complicated, Leslie. And in fact I’d say its complicatedness has reached an all-time high. 

Ben struggled to fall asleep later that night. He tossed and turned, turned the aircon up and then down. He shuffled to the other side of the mattress. He fluffed his pillows. He threw all of the bedding except for the top sheet to the floor. He retrieved it and then grabbed the extra duvet from the cupboard. 

All that, and nothing, not even a fitful sleep. 

A few hours earlier, he’d been managing to hold himself together. Entire minutes had passed during which he didn’t think about Reece and the man in his bed at all. He and Reece went for dinner, eating dressed-up fish caught that morning and chatting easily as they always did. It felt normal.

The worst of himself had passed, Ben had thought, and from then onwards he’d be as chilled out and nonchalant as he should be. The random models and influencers and yoga instructors his other friends brought home had never been afforded a second thought. What did he care who Reece fucked? 

One day, Reece would come to Ben and tell the truth. Ben would look confident and unbothered as he laid a hand on his shoulder and said, I know. I’ve known since that holiday in Miami, and I never once thought of you differently. 

And it would almost be the truth. 

But then halfway through dinner, Reece left to use the toilet, abandoning Ben alone with his thoughts. Almost immediately a question crossed his mind and had lingered ever since: Did Reece want him? 

Then Ben was right back where he’d started. 

Ben shoved his head under his pillow and groaned. He felt so slimy and self-centred that it had occurred to him to wonder. Of course Reece didn’t want to fuck him. Ben didn’t want to chat up every girl he ever met, did he?

And if Reece did, it wouldn’t matter, since it wasn’t like Ben…. Well, of course Ben wasn’t….

There was a touch of jealousy underlying the curiosity, though, and that was undeniable. The two impulses—the need to know; the need for the answer to be yes, you and no one else—were a tangled mess in his chest, impossible to untwine. 

Ben rubbed his eyes. Stared at the ceiling. Get over yourself, he thought. 

He pulled up some lesbian porn on his phone and had a wank. The clench of his fist around his cock didn’t feel nearly as good as it had the night before, and he didn’t come. For a moment, though, the buzzing in his ears subsided, just enough to think of something else.

[neallo]

do you have any songs/playlist you think fit meronia? i've been reading through your works and remembered blonde hair, black lungs by sorority noise sounded very meronia-esque to me back when i first got into this ship

hi! a) thank you for the ask! and for reading my works! :3c i hope you're enjoying <3 and b) just listened to that one and i can absolutely see what you mean!! and finally c) GOD i'm so sorry this question has taken me SO long to get to -- i kept trying to be a perfectionist about it and curate a catch-all meronia playlist, but the problem i always have is that a lot of my favorite songs for them are sort of vibe-specific, so i was fighting with myself on what works In General for them vs. what works for a particular set of visions i have of them.

i have a few fic playlists [i want to hold you (hostage)'s playlist [x] and the bury us both playlist [x] are my best two, but i also made lists for unexpected visitor [x], leap day [x], minutes to midnight [x], it's friday, i'm in love [x], and it's you and me, that's my whole world [x]). i also technically have this playlist [M N] which purports to be generalized and is four hours long, but i have not looked at it since literally march 2023, so like. not sure whether i would really endorse it now.

okay. going to get into particular artists i see pop up a lot in my own meronia playlists under the cut.

the first and foremost would probably be Ethel Cain (House in Nebraska [near-coded] & Sun Bleached Flies [mellocore] & Michelle Pfeiffer [i will die on the hill that this is one of the meronia songs ever] & Knuckle Velvet & for some fics Family Tree (both the intro & the full song later in the album) [one of the bury us both songs ever]. to a lesser degree i really like Gibson Girl & Western Nights for them too. OH AND CRUSH.)

Mitski is up there for me, too (Pink in the Night, Francis Forever, I Bet on Losing Dogs, I'm Your Man, The Frost, My Love Mine All Mine, Stay Soft, Heat Lightning, The Only Heartbreaker, Love Me More) as is Hozier (Take Me To Church, Work Song, Like Real People Do, Francesca). Taylor Swift's The Great War was the first song i ever heard that gave me brainworms about them back in the early days of my meronia disease, and i think there are some others of hers that work well for them as well (hoax, my tears ricochet, willow, Dancing With Our Hands Tied, Don't Blame Me, Gorgeous, Cruel Summer, The Archer).

okay. getting a little long-winded here. it'll be faster if i list some artists i often put on playlists for them. there are more than a few Fall Out Boy songs that suit them, though i usually end up feeling those are fic-specific, plus some by Daughter, Allie X (Tumor in particular), Hayley Williams (My Limb, recommended to me by @deelavis), Mads Buckley (i think recommended by both @/deelavis and @vorareromantic, actually), Chloe Moriondo (bodybag, recommended to me by @oloreandil), Grimes (i know. i know. but Art Angels fucked. sorry.), boygenius (and the individual members therein), Japanese Breakfast, Flower Face (spiracle, recommended to me by @paradisepoisoned).

PHEW! i think that's all i've got for you for now. hopefully you can find some bops in here :3c thanks again for the question, & happy listening!!

[shyphonics]

Salad Days, Chapter 6: Just You and Me, Punk Rock Girl

(Rodrick Heffley x reader)

chapter directory here

Light sex warning for the beginning- 18+ plz

This chapter took me a while - I wrote the beginning the same night I wrote the first and second chapters. Then I realized I think I'm more comfortable writing horrific and sad moments than sweet moments and I kinda froze trying to fill the plot in around it lol.

Thank you so much to everyone reading this!!! The fact that it's actually getting notes makes me really, really happy :)

Also this chapter's run of songs contains a secret song in the spotify playlist oooooh

Oh my mama mama mo-my-mum

Have you kept an eye, an eye on your son?

I know you've got problems, you're not the only one

Since your sugar left, left you on the run

The gas cans felt good in his hands. Heavy. Smooth plastic snug in his fingers. His grip was tight. He reveled in the sound of the liquid sloshing around. The unmistakable smell.

Everybody fucking hated him. Every second of every day, he felt like his brain was on fire. A full body burn begging him to get out.

Get out now.

It's not like anyone was inside. The old library had been gutted weeks ago. They were supposed to demolish it next week. If he really thought about it… he was doing them a favor.

Yeah. So do it. Who gives a fuck.

He busted a window and stuck his leg inside, stepping into the decayed, old building. It smelled like dust. It smelled like school.

Stupid Frank and Susan.

Stupid Heather Hills.

Stupid Rodrick. Going nowhere, doing nothing, being nothing. Stupid.

The smell was strong, but he liked it.

He grinned, he nearly hyperventilated as he doused as much as he could.

Dizzy in his head, laughing maniacally

Breathing in fumes, killing brain cells.

What did it matter.

He shook the last drops out of the second can and tossed it across the room.

He struck a match. Let it burn out.

Struck another. Toss.

The fire erupted.

He stood there to watch it for a second, and ducked back out the window.

He knew he wouldn't have much time to admire his work, so he started running.

Deep into the woods.

He stopped and saw a ball of flames rise in the distance. The ground rumbled. His eyes went wide. He ran all the way home.

Nobody even knew he was gone. He'd left music playing in his room so it'd sound like he never left.

He watched the living room from the top of the stairs. A news report was on.

The library was directly on top of an open gas line. No fucking kidding.

Half the street went up in flames.

It's not like there was much on that street anyway, besides a strip mall with one or two active tenants. Closed for the night. No injuries reported.

His mom was crying. His dad was in shock. Greg and Manny were already asleep.

How could something like this happen? his mom whispered.

They're saying it was just some freak accident. They can't put it out. It's going to burn straight down to the foundation. Frank, incredulous.

Rodrick was silent.

~

Words to memorize

Words hypnotize

Words make my mouth exercise

Words all fail the magic prize

Nothing I can say when I'm in your thighs

“Hey,” a cool hand on his face, “where are you? Are you okay?”

He’s sent flying back to reality suddenly, looking up into your eyes. He looks frazzled. He’s not sure where that came from. All he knows is that he can never tell you.

“I'm fine,” he breathes, his hands moving to your hips, squeezing. Like he’s making sure you’re real.

How could he not be fine? The realization of what's going on hits him like a brick and he squeezes you harder.

He looks up at you like you're a goddess. Hips perfectly situated on his, eyes glinting in the low light of your bedroom. Every subtle movement you make sends a twitch through his body. Breath hitching through plush pink lips, mouth agape.

“I'm fucking amazing,” he sighs.

“Okay, good. Thought I lost you for a second.” you smile, placing a hand on his chest. His heart is racing.

You move your hips, just a little, testing the water.

He throws his head back and huffs, moving with you. He always figured that this- all of this- would be good, but he never dreamed it would be this good. It must be something special about you, he thinks.

You keep smiling down at him.

“If you wanna pick it up a little bit, go ahead,”

“P-pick it up?”

You raise yourself up off him a little, and then send yourself back down. He shudders, a grin spreading across his face. You keep it up, laughing softly, slowly bouncing up and down, skin slapping skin. Obscene, wet sounds. A groan comes from deep within his throat. He's thrusting up to meet you, knuckles white on your hips.

You haven’t had an impressive amount of sex in your life, but you’ve certainly had some experiences. Nothing has ever been like this. Rodrick is looking at you- not your body- he’s looking into your eyes. His eye contact has a sense of pleading, his lips are trembling. You lean down to kiss him. It’s tender. It’s intimate. You’d figured he’d be quick and chaotic. Experienced, maybe, but not learned.

Everything just feels so good.

His hands are gentle on your back, rubbing up around your shoulder blades. You feel his hips roll, and it sends waves of heat through your body. You keep a slow and passionate pace together, it feels like your bodies are perfectly in tune with each other.

“I can't believe that you… I…” Rodrick breathes, his brain turned to mush.

“I know,” a sharp breath leaves you as he hits a certain spot.

You speed up, both of you seeming to know what you need. Your bodies glisten with sweat, and you throw your head back, hands anchored to his shoulders. His hands move up to your chest, gently squeezing, then ghosting down your ribcage. His hands- so large, so strong. They’re slightly weathered, calloused from his drumsticks, and they’re so warm. His bony hips poke into your thighs with every thrust. You can just feel him. All of him.

Then you feel him twitch inside of you.

“I think I…” Rodrick gasps.

You look down at him, your eyes warm, reassuring him. You feel close too, still warmed up from earlier. He ruts up into you, flushed and panting. You feel yourself squeeze around him, your vision blurring slightly, as a rush of tingles runs through your whole body, and that seems to send him over the edge. He stops suddenly, breathing heavily, holding your hip down onto his, the other cupping your face. His eyes squeeze shut, then open wide, and roll back into his head.

You both sit and recover for a second, gasping for air, looking at each other. You roll off of him, and lay next to him, exhausted. He reaches out desperately to grab your thigh, as you turn to your side and throw your arm over his chest. You reach up and feel his cheek. His skin is hot, and slightly stubbled.

“I’m glad I didn’t wait.”

“You were gonna wait?” He pants.

“I don’t usually do that. That fast. But now I know.”

“Know what?” He turns his head to look at you, eyes tired.

“That I really, definitely like you.”

He laughs, pulling you closer to his chest and kissing the top of your head.

“I really, definitely like you too.”

You wriggle the comforter out from underneath you, and throw it over the both of you. It doesn’t take long for you to drift off, hands on each other, legs tangled.

For the first time in a long time, Rodrick dreams of absolutely nothing.

~

I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand

Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?

Lose sensations, spare the insults, save them for another day

I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away

~

Rodrick wakes up before you, lifting his head in confusion at his unfamiliar surroundings. Until he feels your arm draped over him, and remembers where he is. It’s still early, and you’re dead asleep. He smiles, pulling you closer to him. He gazes over your face, lit up in the early morning light. You stir, coming to rest your head on his bare chest, and he’s so happy he could cry.

“Go back to sleep,” you mumble.

He does.

You wake once the sun is all the way up, blinking at the beams coming in through your window. Rodrick has an iron hold on you, and little snores are coming from him.

You can see your alarm clock from where you are, and it’s a little after 9 AM.

You turn slightly onto your back, and feel Rodrick moving.

“You up?” You look over at him. His eyelids are heavy, and there’s a lazy smile on his face.

“I’m up,” he sighs.

“Glad you didn’t sneak out on me.” You chuckle.

“Why would I do that?” His voice is sleepy, and a little whiny.

“I don’t know. Boys are weird.”

He gives you one last squeeze before he lets you up.

“You wanna shower?” You ask, running a hand through your hair.

The water is warm, and you can finally see Rodrick’s lanky body in all its glory. Steam fills the bathroom, and his face is slightly flushed.

“So, last night,” Rodrick stretches under the stream of water. You find yourself admiring the lightly defined muscles in his back, and fighting the urge to smack his ass. Maybe later.

“What about it?” You smirk, squeezing some body wash onto a washcloth.

“It was… real? Like, it happened, right?” He turns around, eyebrow raised, grinning smugly.

“As far as I'm aware,” you laugh, beginning to scrub yourself.

Rodrick pauses, water running down his shoulders.

“Wow,” he smiles, then his face falters just a little, “and… you enjoyed it?”

You give him a look, wringing out your washcloth. Instead of answering him, you just step forward and kiss him, warm water flowing over you. Your hands travel over his body, slick with water and soap. You pull away.

“Duh.” You smile.

You dry off. Rodrick's wet hair is wild, and he still has a little bit of eyeliner on.

He grabs his clothes from the night before, and you stop him.

“Are you sure about that?”

He freezes, holding his boxers with the tips of his fingers, like a deer in the headlights.

“I can… turn ‘em inside out,”

“Ew. I have clothes you can wear,” you laugh, “boxers make good pajamas, and most bands don't really make women's shirts.”

“Really?”

You toss him a pair of plain, black boxers, then get an idea. You head to your closet, where you keep your band merch.

“Y'know what? I'm returning the favor. You look like a medium.” You root through the box, and toss him a shirt with your band’s logo on the front. He holds it up to himself and smiles. You find your Löded Diper shirt, discarded along with your purse by the front door, and put it on. As you come back, he's pulling the boxers on, and you take your chance.

Smack.

“Hey!” he yelps, turning to face you, blushing just a little.

He sees your shirt, and a giddy grin appears on his face.

You find yourself at the coffee shop across the street, sitting on the little patio. The streets are packed with groups of people, enjoying the spring day. Rodrick mangles a croissant as you sip from a large, white mug. You appreciate the fact that the two of you can sit in a comfortable silence like this. You flip through the local alt paper, The Eye.

“Ooh, there's a Pyramid show tonight, my friend’s band is playing. That'd be a good place to show you. They have an entire wall of pinball machines.”

“Are you friends with all the bands?” Rodrick asks, pouring 4 packets of sugar into his coffee at once.

“Not all of them. But a lot of them. I try to network.” You shrug, reading through the event calendar.

“All the major bars are kind of in one strip, with a few outliers. Then you have your DIYs and house venues.”

Rodrick sips his coffee, makes a face, and adds 2 more sugar packets.

“Do you think we have a chance at any of them?”

“You guys are gonna have good word of mouth after last night,” you nod, “I bet in a week you'll have an offer from Pyramid or Dime Store.”

“Wow,” Rodrick breathes, assuming that must be really good.

“It looked like your guys got along with everyone, too, and Mike likes you. You've got a great start. You might even get to open for a real band once they start coming in the summer.” You smile at him, looking up from the paper.

“We are a real band,” he looks confused.

“Yeah, but, y'know. A touring band. The Casualties are coming back this summer… Circle Jerks usually run through with Descendents once a year, D.R.I. has been on a ‘retirement tour’ for the past few years,” you say, adding air quotes, “your name's on the opener list now. And most of the time, picking someone from that list falls to me… but don't expect any obvious nepotism. I try to match people up by sound.”

Rodrick grins, stars in his eyes.

“Do any bands around here, um,” he pauses, unsure how to word it, “make it?”

“Sometimes,” you lean back, thinking, “it's hard nowadays. There was this super popular indie band last year. They got picked up to be on a movie soundtrack, and they're huge now. That's what sells, these days. I'll let you work out the irony of indie selling.” You smirk.

“So, what? Heavier bands are just shit out of luck?” He takes another sip of his sugary coffee.

“That's how it goes,” you shrug, “you give up most of the hope of being famous to be a real musician. There's a reason that even huge punk bands are still just playing at bars instead of stadiums. It was never marketable. Punk’s not even a genre anymore. To me, it's having the attitude of ‘I’m pissed off, and I'm making it your problem.”

Rodrick laughs, “Okay, I do like that.”

You finish the last of your coffee, and roll up your paper, tucking it in your bag.

“You ready?” You stand up, stretching.

“For what?” he looks at you, draining his mug.

“I'm gonna show you the strip, rookie.”

You smile, holding your hand out, and he takes it.

“The Strike’s back that way, you’ve already seen it. There’s a pretty big gap of old shops and abandoned buildings from here to there.”

You lead him down the street, pointing out bars. Most of them will be closed until the late afternoon.

“There’s Pyramid, there’s Dime store. That one’s cool, the upstairs is a drag bar called Fluorescence, and the downstairs is a dive called Dim Bulb.”

Rodrick laughs, taking in the sights of the street.

“First time I ever came down here, I was with a bunch of friends who were 21, and I was still 19. Dim Bulb is all ages if you put the X’s on your hands, but Fluorescence is strictly 21+. My friends went upstairs. Downstairs was dead that night. They told me to wait in the bar and not go off walking by myself, but…”

“You went off walking by yourself?” Rodrick smirks at you.

“How’d you know?” You chuckle, “Yeah, and I had just gotten these leather pants, and I felt so fucking cool. But I was so stupid. And this gross, old guy stopped me and asked if I was ‘working’, and I said ‘no, fuck off, get away from me’,” you say, your tone nonchalant.

Rodrick raises his eyebrows, his mouth falling open.

“So, he starts chasing me down the street, yelling, ‘I’ll kill you’, and I was yelling back all this bullshit, just totally bluffing,”

You stop in front of a bodega along the street.

“And the guy who owns this place came out and scared the guy off. He’s good people.”

You wave at the man inside, who perks up and waves back.

“That place has everything. 9-volt batteries, first aid stuff, you name it. If you find yourself in a jam, head over there.”

Rodrick looks through the windows as you walk by.

“This whole street is, like… a tiny little town all on its own. Also, I'm glad you didn't get murdered.”

“Yeah,” you sigh out, looking over the strip, feeling proud, “it really is. I love it here. I’m glad I could show you around. And thanks.” You laugh, squeezing his hand.

You keep walking, down towards the point where the bars end and the shops begin. Rodrick walks slowly, swinging his hand with yours. He keeps his head on a swivel, trying to take in all there is to see. Old neon signs, graffiti-covered brick walls, and show fliers absolutely everywhere.

“I think you’re gonna like this place,” you turn to look back at Rodrick, who looks absolutely awestruck.

The bell on the record store door rings, and you're greeted by the familiar woman behind the counter, Jennifer. She’s tall and muscular, with a smoker’s voice, and impeccably curled baby bangs.

Rodrick stops as the door closes behind him. It’s a cozy, dark little room. There are houseplants everywhere, among long boxes of records on high tables. The walls are exposed brick, and light is coming in through two long, skinny windows. An orange cat rests on one of the tables, in a sunbeam. The walls are completely covered in posters, framed records, and old fliers.

“It's you! I have pulls for you,” she looks over thick-rimmed glasses at you, reaching under the counter, then sees your shirt, “what in the hell is that?”

You look down at the bold, white letters on your shirt and laugh.

“Best new band in this town. You really haven't heard of them?” You say, teasingly.

“Diaper…?” she squints, looking at you, bewildered.

“I'm just messing with you, they played their first show last night. This is the drummer, Rodrick,” you gesture to Rodrick. He approaches the counter and sticks out his hand, smiling politely.

Jennifer looks back to your shirt, then at Rodrick.

“Kid, I'll level with you. There are worse names out there.” She barks out a laugh, looking down at her hands, both being used to hold a stack of records.

Rodrick notices, and retracts his hand, laughing nervously.

You kill about an hour in the shop, looking at all the things Jennifer has hidden for you over the week. It was once a very kind thing she did when you were flat broke and new in town, but she kept it up as a tradition, because she said you got it.

Rodrick exhausts each box, looking in amazement at all the different records. 'Dad Rock,' 'Punk Rock,' 'Rockabilly,' 'Psychobilly,' 'Synth Shit for Weirdos.'

The ‘misc.’ box contains a Jane Fonda home workout, a square dancing instructional record, and a full album of canine heartbeats, meant for veterinary students. Rodrick pulls it out and looks at it, reading the cover in confusion.

“See something cool?” You perk up and walk over to him, reading the record.

“Canine Heart Sounds? Is that a band?” You squint. He stays quiet, holding in a laugh.

“‘4-10 acquired murmurs', what the fuck?”

You see the text for ‘Berkeley Medical Veterinary Group’ and let out a cackle, lightly punching Rodrick on the shoulder. He breaks too, putting the record back in the box.

“You totally thought I was all cool and underground for a second.” Rodrick laughs.

You leave the record shop, and you decide to take him to see everything. You try on leather jackets way beyond your means at the biker shop, spiked collars at the goth shop, and hats at the western shop. You point and laugh at each other the whole way, except that some of that leather had looked pretty good on Rodrick… and he might’ve thought the same about you.

By late afternoon, you’re both a little worn out, and you wind up back near where you started, at a tall, yellow building. It’s an ancient pizza joint.

Inside is a massive, wooden staircase, and yellow walls covered in sharpie graffiti. Dumb little messages, from mystery people. From who knows how long ago. It feels like a million little voices yelling at him all at once.

Penelope was here!

Aaron is a cheating douchebag!

George Dubya, suck my dick!

And band names. So many band names.

“Whoa,” Rodrick looks up. It’s even on the ceiling.

You lead him to a large window, with a greyed, wooden frame.

You fish in your purse and find a sharpie, handing it to him.

“When we first started the band, we came here to make it official. I wrote our name, right here, under the window.” You look down, away from him, feeling a little sappy.

Rodrick looks at the smooth, black writing.

The Shrieks

10.15.03

He smiles.

“And, if you’ll notice, there’s an empty space right there next to it…” you say, trying to sound nonchalant.

Rodrick smiles, then crouches down, uncapping the sharpie.

He carefully draws his logo, adding the little horns and tail, with a small safety pin and the date underneath.

He stands up, handing the marker back to you. You look down at your two logos together, then up at your coordinated shirts.

“Yeah. They look great together,” you smile up at him, “now it’s official. Welcome to the scene.”

Rodrick feels a swell in his chest, looking down at your genuine smile. He’s been just a little guarded all day, but… now he gets it. You actually want him around. It’s not a joke. It’s not a trick. You’d wanted his band to be immortalized next to yours on this greasy, strangely beautiful wall.

He catches you off guard, pulling you into a tight hug. You blink once or twice, then wrap your arms around him, smiling against his chest.

“Hey!”

You pull away from each other, and turn to where the voice came from. It’s Ward, in an apron, by the counter.

“I got a job!” He’s grinning.

The two of you walk up to the counter and catch up, refusing to give him any details, no matter how much he wiggles his eyebrows.

~

So we jumped up on the table, and shouted “anarchy!”

And someone played a Beach Boys song on the jukebox

It was “California Dreamin’”

So we started screamin’

“On such a winter’s day!”

~

The two of you sit at your little table, the sun beginning to set outside. You’re laughing at some high school story he’d been telling you- something about how he’d been in love with some girl and ruined her sweet 16.

He pauses, taking a sip out of his glass bottle, beaming.

“God, and she was really into N’Sync, so we spent all this time learning ‘Tearin’ up my Heart’,”

You cackle, slamming your hands on the table, “Oh, god, no!”

“But last minute, I told Ben I wanted to sing, and he could play drums-”

“Can he play drums?”

“Nope!” Rodrick laughs, “And I sang in this high pitched voice- she wanted us in tuxes, but, um, I kinda wasn’t listening when my brother told me that? Also didn’t have the money. But I figured all black was good enough.”

“Did you learn any boy band moves?” You wipe away a stray tear that had escaped your eye.

“I wish. That would’ve been awesome, but, no. We did set off a bunch of pyro, and I jumped off the stage.”

“Pyro?!”

“Ben’s brother is in demolition,” Rodrick laughs, but feels a little pang of anxiety with the words that leave his lips.

You don’t notice his face change, still laughing. Rodrick grins at you, wanting to make the big reveal good.

“This family was loaded, okay? Country club rich. So, the pyro goes off, and it’s chaos. I was, like, dancing around her? And I backed up right into a giant ice sculpture of her head.”

You look at him, in shock, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah, and then she tried to kill me with a mic stand, but ended up knocking over a chocolate fountain, and everyone got absolutely covered in chocolate… and then she hated me forever. Still hates me. That’s the girl from last night, by the way- my ‘girlfriend’?”

“No fucking way,” your eyes go wide. “That’s why you were staring each other down.”

Rodrick gives a satisfied nod, chuckling slightly.

“Well, I guess you learned your lesson: don’t trust the rich. First rule of punk.” You tease.

“Yeah, and if she’d actually liked it, I… I would probably be miserable,” He says, a look of realization on his face. You raise your eyebrows.

“I’d probably be at some fancy event right now wearing, like, a polo or something. Oh, god. I’d probably be working for her dad.” He looks down, eyes wide.

You boo him, giving him a thumbs down.

“I wouldn’t have met you,” He stares at you in surprise.

You smile, leaning towards him, your elbow on the table.

“I’m… so fucking glad all that bullshit back home happened,” He shakes his head, smiling, “Because now I’m here.”

“In a greasy, old pizzeria?” You smirk.

“In a greasy, old pizzeria, with you,”

You laugh, at a loss for words. Something about Rodrick seems to have bloomed today, and you like it. It’s like he finally evened out. You lean closer to him.

“I’m glad I’m here with you too,” You smile.

Your lips almost touch, but the buzzing of your cell phone interrupts you. You groan. It's Mike.

“Hey, what's up?”

“They got us! They fucking got us!”

Rodrick hears Mike screaming through the phone, and feels his heart drop.

“What? Who got us? What are you talking about?” Your heart skips a beat.

“They smashed the window! And wrote all over the walls! It's like Sharon Tate all over again!”

Your jaw drops. He's serious.

“Mike, who?”

You hear the sound of glass crunching down the line, along with Mike's enraged muttering.

“How many people did we kick out last night?” He spits.

You take a second to think.

“A lot. It got crazy.”

“Did we have to put anybody on the list?”

You make eye contact with Rodrick. His eyebrows knit together in worry.

“Yeah, there were a few.”

The List is only to be used in extreme circumstances. Any bar patrons found guilty of irredeemable asshole behavior have their IDs taken, photocopied, and returned as their asses are kicked out the front door. You're not sure how legal it is, but it's very effective.

The guy who had punched Rodrick last night, along with all of his friends, had absolutely made The List.

“I know who it was,” your voice shakes, “I’ll be right over.”

You hang up, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Did he say someone smashed the window?” Rodrick breathes in disbelief.

“Yeah,” you put your head in your hands, “do you know the name of that guy who punched you?”

“Ugh. Bryan Kent.” Rodrick frowns.

“Do you think he'd do something like that?”

“Yeah.” He says, without hesitation.

“Fuck!” You sigh, “At least we have a name.”

Rodrick looks at you, guilty, like he might cry. You feel a pang of sadness.

“No, no, sorry. Shit. Don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault, I’m just pissed off.” You ramble.

The bar is like your baby. Though you’ve only worked there a year, it means a lot to you. Mike had drunkenly promised to leave it to you several times, and you feel a strong protective urge over it.

“I gotta go,” you grimace, “Should I take you home?”

He nods, looking dejected.

There are two cop cars parked outside Rodrick’s apartment building, and you notice him gripping the door handle tightly.

“Wonder what that’s about?” You murmur.

“Could you take me around the back?” Rodrick’s voice shakes.

You look at him, raising an eyebrow, but circle around back anyway.

 He opens your car door and gets out.

“Hey,” you stop him, “that was really fun. I hate that it ended this way, but… we’ll see each other again, okay? I don’t want this to be a one time thing. I… I really like you.”

“Me either.” He nods. His voice is cold, and his eyes are void of all emotion.

You know something is wrong, but you have bigger problems on your hands right now.

“Okay,” you give him a weak smile.

He grimaces, and shuts the door. You watch him walk through a grimy back entrance, and pull off.

“Rodrick, dude,” Ben looks at him with bug eyes when he walks through the door, “the fucking cops were here!”

Rodrick freezes.

“Did they leave?”

“Yeah, but they were looking for you, man.” His voice is hushed and panicked.

Rodrick checks the window, and the cop cars are gone.

“What did they say?”

“Something about your name being associated with a crime scene?”

Rodrick turns to look at him, “What?”

~

So while you sit back and wonder why

I got this fuckin’ thorn in my side

Oh my god, it’s a mirage

I’m tellin’ y’all, it’s sabotage

~

tag list: @crumpets-are-better-with-jam

[prettygirlstothefloor]

Cowboy Carter Review

sorry if i write a lot. i like to yap lol

Ameriican Requiem- i'm a huge sucker for a sitar so i was gripped in from the beginning. i grew up on country music (mainly 90s/early 2000s) and so when she showed up at the CMAs and performed with the chicks it was a childhood dream. but as a person who liked country music around the time 9/11 happened, it's only become even more racist since. the way they treated her that night even though she was one of, if not THE, best performer of the night was so upsetting to watch. even as the best artist on the planet, at the top of her game, she's always going to work a million times harder than any of her peers. i'm so proud of her being able to make a song like to this to put her thoughts out on the whole night that night.

Blackbiird- obviously everyone has heard this song before. i was unaware of the actual backstory to the song since i don't follow the beatles too much (i like george harrison but that's about it lol). i was not aware that the song the song was written for black women during the civil rights movement. i assumed the song was mainly written by john lennon who to my knowledge was kind of a grifter when it came to his activism. having this song come right after ameriican requiem is so poetic.

16 Carriages- shockingly i was able to avoid hearing this song in full until tonight. i tend to only do one single per release and so texas hold em was the one. this song is so heartbreaking because i think about all the kids in the entertainment industry who can probably relate to this song all too well

Protector- these songs she makes for her kids... i'm gonna need her to stop. not because they're bad but i straight up can't listen to blue and probably this song because i want a mom like this 😭

My Rose- i hate that this is an interlude. it's so beautiful and not to be dramatic should've been 10 hours long

Smoke Hour • Willie Nelson- idk what to say about this one lol

Texas Hold 'Em- i love this song. the only problem i have with it is it sounds too clean. like the production sounds too clean. maybe it sounds better on the radio where the quality is lower than streaming but its definitely a song that needs to be played not so isolated.

Bodyguard- there's something in this song. she channeled carole king for this on or something. it's so good instantly a top 20 if not top 10 song of hers through her whole discography.

Dolly P- once again idk what to say about this one its too short to say anything

Jolene- i mean i think the same way about her version as i do about dolly's version. why are we getting mad at these women when we should be getting mad at the men?? take away that beyonce is beyonce for a second. if she was a normal lady and this girl was unaware her man was taken, isn't that more on him than anyone? he's letting it happen.

Daughter- her voice in this song is insanity. the control she has is unmatched truly.

Spaghettii- the beat omgggg. i know this would hit so hard in a mashup with "my house" i'm obsessed.

Alliigator Tears- just from hearing snippets of the country music that's on the radio nowadays, i think this might be one of the few songs from this album that they will eat up. i'm not saying that as a diss at all. i love this song alot especially after a second listen.

Smoke Hour II- i guess i can add on here a random tid bit. i made a country playlist in preperation for the album to come out. i made it on valentine's day. tell me why i named it KNTRY. i didn't even know the "radio station" she has on the album was called that lol.

Just for Fun- i don't listen to lana del rey anymore. i had a small time during last year where i did but then she got real messy again and signed that letter thanking joe biden. that being said this song sounds identical to "norman fucking rockwell". which is a compliment because both are good songs. keep jack antonoff away from beyonce though. that's the good thing about beyonce is she doesn't sound like everyone else which he makes everyone do (yes i am a fan of him but i'm critical of his production lol)

II Most Wanted- i'm sorry i've never been a fan of miley cyrus (except for the song she did for black mirror and that one EP she put out). i want to like this song because i like aspects of the song but it being a miley cyrus song with a beyonce feature is not want i want.

Levii's Jeans- this is also a collab i'm not a fan of. i actually enjoy post malone but i would've liked to see them in a more upbeat song.

Flamenco- idk how to take this song. it's stunning as usual. my thoughts on the lyrics though is she's kinda talking to fans maybe like the OG like destiny's child fans who have started to leave because she's starting to experiment more with her sound and they miss her old sound. i would love to know her take on this song in particular. because i know so many artists who decide to change their sound throughout each release are terrified of losing fans because they're so stuck on a certain sound.

The Linda Martell Show- another one i can't say much on since it's an interlude

Ya Ya- now.... remember what i said about bodyguard??? easily top 10. idk where on my ranking but it's there. the interpolation of "these boots were made for walking" and "good vibrations". there's something about that old soul rock sound that gets me every single time. i know that it doesn't sound anything alike but "freedom" has that same vibe, where it takes alot from old 60s blues soul rock. this is gonna hit so good on tour!

Oh Louisiana- i will say i really like this interlude. second favorite out of the ones with actual music

Desert Eagle- another song she chose to make extremely short when it should've been hours long... come on B

Riiverdance- its a fun and cute song. i think the beat is good but i think i like it more on my first listen.

II Hands II Heaven- i'm hoping this will finally click for me. im seeing everyone really love this song but idk whats not clicking for me. i'll definitely keep listening to it though maybe someday.

Tyrant- someone said this is the thique of cowboy carter and yeah i can definitely hear it. it's a sexy song and it's a fun song. definitely like it alot more after a second listen

Sweet • Honey • Buckiin'- her sampling "i fall to pieces" in this song is so special to me. i do want someone to take this "honey" and add it to the end of pure/honey though i wonder if it would sound any good. i think sweet and buckiin are the best songs out of the three of these.

Amen- i love how this really rounds out the album, calling back to the first song. it feels and is a very emotional song. don't know if i'll go back to it only because i think it could make me cry lol

overall, i think it's a solid album. if we're comparing the acts, which idk how you can because they're two distinctly different sounds, i would probably still go with renaissance but there's still so many solid songs on this album that are now some of my top faves. usually i rate out of 10 but it feels too low tbh, so i'm rating it out of 100. it will definitely grow on me just like renaissance did. 89/100.